#that was a different me that was pre getting physically assaulted multiple times in a very short timeframe

[bibleofficial]

i loveeee being cheap bc sometimes it gets ridiculous like yea it IS abhorrent to even CONSIDER paying like 6£ for ea taxi & instead will just walk the mile 1 way like 30 times until all my shit is moved

[mallowstep]

📖 (foxstride)

ask thingy

@foxstride

okay i mentioned this to you on discord but i didn't go into it but. okay. okay. the au where mistyfoot is hawk, moth, and tadpole's mother. this has been just. it's been chewing on my brain and i don't know when i'm going to write it so since u gave me a blank canvas, i'm going to ramble about it for as long as i can.

cw: implied/referenced sexual assault; brief suicidal ideation; standard tigerclan content (abuse, child abuse, starvation, dehumanization, etc.); referenced force feeding

okay oh my gosh okay. this has. so obviously i've been thinking about riverclan lately. a lot. it's rcam. anyway. i don't want. i'm trying to get to the point and not loop around aimlessly for two hundred words but okay but okay. anyway.

i've been thinking of all the different ways i can deeply traumatize misty, storm, and feather. and maybe stone. maybe i'll let stone live at some point. that'd be fun.

right so i've been thinking of that and my ideas are all over the place. i'm going to let primrosepaw live at some point. at one point i'm going to have stormpaw, and maybe primrosepaw or reedpaw (and...what's the other one? is it perchpaw or pikepaw? whatever) the point is i'll have some collection of stormpaw and some or all of mistyfoot's kits escape but not misty and feather so we can do survivor's guilt and.

anyway so i was writing the excerpt for the primrosepaw is definitely there au (it's kind of not Tethered because most of these aren't mutually incompatible like that au could be any of the others), and tigerstar has that dialogue about kits yeah?

so when i was writing it, i was thinking about just. he's trying to dehumanize all of them, right? that's his goal with that line. he's separating mistyfoot from her kits, trying to erase the meaning of their relationships. that's like. that's what i was considering when i was writing it.

buuuuuuut. y'know. my brain is chewing on it. and it just. hm. Hm. what if. what If tadpole, moth, and hawk were misty and tiger kits. hm. hmm. hm.

and so i am just instantly. very on board with this. there's so much potential.

so i Think the point of canon divergence is the rescue attempt. i haven't decided if stormpaw is successfully rescued or not. featherpaw doesn't for reasons i'm circling around to, but stormpaw may or may not. it certainly Matters in a broad sense but i haven't made up my mind, and i doubt i'm going to write Multiple aus about this. i mean i might u never know but it'd b like writing an alternate stolag: i mean i suppose i Could but it would feel weird.

okay almost burnt my dinner i said i'm very this has just been slowly rotting my brain out. i like Angst and it's been a while since i've written any.

okay there was fmtws but really that got me started. i'm not a fluff person. and y'all know that by now.

so Back On Topic. so Anyway after the rescue attempt fails/partially fails, tigerstar takes his anger out at the apprentices being Alive on featherpaw and she gets to. uh. help tigerclan practice fighting.

"Let me see her," Mudfur hissed. "No," Tigerstar said. "I've told you." Mudfur growled. Featherpaw dragged herself to her feet, and Mistyfoot glanced back at her. They would leave they would leave they would leave and then she could lie down again and try not to think. "You're not my leader," Mudfur said, and Featherpaw winced. Mistyfoot could see what was going on, but she was sitting still as a stone. Mudfur pressed into their — Mudfur pressed in, laying a wrapped bundle at Mistyfoot's feet. "Let me—" "No," Mistyfoot said. "Just go." Mudfur dipped his head. Tigerstar's steps moved away from them, but the shouts and arguments surrounding Mudfur were just buzzing noise in Featherpaw's head. She made out, "She's going to die," and she thought, that wouldn't be the worst thing.

thank You featherpaw. you will suffer for the au as a whole. anyway this takes place...i'm not Quite sure but mistyfoot does have a reason for not letting mudfur in. and that reason is she is in Denial about being pregnant.

if mudfur comes in he'll know (i have not forgotten that cats can smell unlike the erins), and mistyfoot is acting in denial. altho she rationalizes it to herself as being for mudfur's protection: runningnose is a medicine cat too, and so tigerstar could off mudfur without much effort.

(also i tend to mix up mudfur and mudclaw sometimes understand i am talking about the riverclan medicine cat, not the windclan deputy. i just mistype them sometimes.)

anyway so she has a legitimate reason (mudfur's continual survival, which is better for her and featherpaw longterm), and she does not want mudfur to know.

yeah.

all in all, this happens before the great battle. mistyfoot fights in it (again, denial), featherpaw and stormpaw are reunited (yes i think i made up my mind), (wait maybe stonefur lives too, and then both pairs of siblings reconnect, and stonefur is like "oh Shit" and. okay yes. maybe. i don't know.)

(there's a Lot. ohh maybe. wait best of both worlds okay. mistyfoot Thinks stonefur is dead. but stonefur doesn't get a proper burial but at the same time riverclan is Not going to go for their deputy on bonepile and even if they do go for it, they're not going to stripe his bones nor are they going to let a Physical Cat Corpse rot in camp. so when firestar and greystripe rescue stormpaw, stormpaw Insists they go back for his body, and then they realize he's Alive but obviously mistyfoot doesn't know.)

(there then i get the Best of both worlds. and stonefur and feathertail are in the Chronic Pain club.)

(also the thing w/ fighting is also what happens in "someday when the world is much brighter". not that Particular scene or in that Particular way, but it does happen. i mean almost exactly in that particular way. but that scene is from a different fic.)

anyway okay moving on i did add too much chili powder to my dinner but that's fine i'm still not over when someone refused to give me more harissa because "it's spicy" like yes i know i guarantee my mom makes it spicier.

back on topic sorry. i've been writing this as i do other things bc i have so much to say about this and i don't want to wait for tomorrow to share this because it's been just Rotting away my brain.

anyway so siblings reunite. it's...terse. it's complicated.

there's some parallels going on right? like because both featherpaw and stormpaw are basically in the mindset of looking after their mentors (which mistyfoot and stonefur feel Terrible about), everyone has survivor's guilt (i don't know what to call like, survivor's guilt when it's not actually survivor's guilt so if someone has a correct word please let me know) except for Maybe featherpaw.

featherpaw might be the Only one here who doesn't have survivor's guilt. i don't really want to explore the one way she could end up with it. that's past my comfort level at the moment.

but stormpaw and mistyfoot are the most physically healthy, and stormpaw and stonefur escaped.

stormpaw: i have not been hurt by this in any way

everyone around stormpaw: you have definitely been hurt by this

stormpaw: i have not been hurt by this in any way

stormpaw and featherpaw become warriors, leopardstar makes mistyfoot deputy (because stonefur is still recovering and also no longer wants the position. mistyfoot doesn't either but she's in denial and she doesn't want anyone else to have it. mistyfoot is visibly pregnant and still kind of in denial at this point. like it's been at least a moon and she is refusing to talk about it.)

right so i think stormpaw's name is going to be stormheart because i don't know it was always weird to me that stormfur and stonefur have the same suffix. like given Everything that's going on it feels weird to me. ig it'd actually be less weird in this, given that stonefur is still alive, but do you know How Close stonefur and stormfur are. they're one consonant cluster off. they're One consonant cluster off.

so leopardstar names him stormheart. feathertail can keep her name because it's pretty.

mistyfoot is a moon away from kitting. she refuses to talk about it. to anyone. whatsoever.

feathertail and stonefur decide to stage an intervention.

(they leave stormheart out not because he's not part of the found family, but because mistyfoot literally will not tolerate a single word about this. like a single word. like she will growl at you if you look at her stomach for too long.

so given the fairly high odds that mistyfoot gets violent, they keep stormheart out of it. she's the least likely to attack stonefur and feathertail.

stormheart finds out about this later and is like "do you guys realize if this went south you had absolutely 0 control over the situation. like what are you guys going to do. you incapable of doing anything to stop her if something goes wrong."

feathertail is like "yes. that's the point."

feathertail is both kind of right and also very internally messed up from being used for "training" when she wasn't allowed to fight back. feathertail also hates if you call her by just her prefix. she does not tell anyone this. misty is aware of this, and she tells stone and storm, and riverclan does eventually figure it out. plus it's not like feathertail is close enough to anyone else for them to call her "feather".

okay i'm getting off topic sorry i've been working on a tpb thing for swtwimb, and the one scene i have is cats making fun of her for not fighting back (again she is not allowed to they might kill her if she does), so they call her "featherkit" and that eventually gets brought down to feather and i'm rambling anyway On topic again.)

so stonefur and feathertail are like. "mistyfoot you are like. a half moon away from kitting. it is impairing your ability to do warrior duties. you need to like. acknowledge this."

anyway after a very terse conversation. after a veeery terse conversation, where mistyfoot is like. very close to just absolutely abandoning riverclan. they get her to admit that yes she is pregnant and yes she needs to stop doing warrior duties for the moment.

she wasn't exactly Healthy when she was pregnant because even tho tigerstar made a Point of making her like. eat enough to be healthy and also not violently attacking her. she had still been starved for...idk long enough for her ribs to show. i'm not sure what the exact timeline on this is yet.

also then After Tigerclan she did not eat as much as she should have because (a) denial and (b) she had been forcefed and so now she's. not doing that.

oh wow i've written long enough for my grammar checker to turn off again. that hasn't happened in ages.

all bets are off from here on out re grammar and spelling.

okay so mistyfoot isn't going to move into the nursery. i believe mosspelt has had a litter of 3 kits, or will have one as we see in asir, but mistyfoot isn't. she's not moving into it. stone, misty, storm, and feathertail share a den. no one else is allowed into it for Any Reason.

so anyway, they expand the den. riverclan as a whole might? i'm not sure who's good at weaving bc i don't have headcanons for this time period. probably not feathertail, but possibly stonefur. hm. anyway, they expand the den, mistyfoot will raise the kits in this den, everyone is on board with this.

mostly because it's this or mistyfoot like. runs away. which obviously no one wants. riverclan is on the side of...the four? riverclan is on the side of the four. even if they're not like, even though the four don't trust them, feathertail and misty especially (stone and storm tolerate it much better). but even tho things are complicated, riverclan is certainly going to do actions. they're certainly going to try to demonstrate their support.

okay so mistyfoot gives birth to her kits, and she is. not feeling good. about it. she's feeling terrible about it actually. she's feeling terrible about things. she doesn't want to name them.

usuuually in this situation, after the queens (collective) decided its in the best interest of the kits to be raised by someone other than their birth mother, the kits would be given to another queen.

but see. feathertail, stonefur, and stormheart are All attatched to these kits. deeply attatched to them. and mistyfoot is not willing to give them up either.

so mistyfoot isn't willing to give them up to another riverclan queen, and feathertail, stone, and storm all Want to raise them, and also don't want to give them to another queen.

the queens confer with mudfur that it is absolutely the worst possible thing they could do to forcibly remove the kits from mistyfoot. like that is the Worst option. they'd be lucky to get the kits alive, feathertail and mistyfoot are likely to abandon riverclan, and if misty and feathertail abandon riverclan, stone and storm will follow.

they're stuck in a standstill for a while. the four eventually do name them hawkkit, mothkit, and tadpolekit. the kits are about a moon old and ready to be weaned. mistyfoot is still extremely tense about the affair, but she's willing to part with them. she's able to recognize that's in the best interest of the kits, mosspelt's litter is about the same age, moving them into the nursery is going to give them a more normal upbringing, everyone is on the same page.

feathertail, who's having a lot of self worth issues, decides that moving into the nursery is her best bet for clan usefulness (which (a) feathertail you cannot keep up with kits and (b) the whole Place she's in is bad to begin with), moves in with them.

the kits decide feathertail is their mother now (they're old enough to understand that she didn't give birth to them, altho i haven't decided if they remember misty as their mother and if they're told any information re their birth parents depends exactly What kind of angst i want to write), and feathertail is. okay with this.

unlike asir, she's not blindsided with the tigerstar-is-their-father reveal, so she does have some issues with hawkkit reminding her of tigerstar, he's not really her Big Bad Trauma Nightmares. she has way more issues with the riverclan warriors directly involved in her abuse.

anyway, i don't know what happens tnp era stuff. i haven't gotten that far yet. maybe this will be another au where hawk and/or moth is a prophecy cat. i'm not sure. i haven't gotten farther than this.

but here you go i started writing this like an hour and a half ago and while i did stop to eat, i also just finally put everything i have for this au on one page and i hope and pray that will stave off the brainrot until i have a chance to actually write it.

[mexicancat-girl]

Ok guys, I can't take it, I’m seriously at my limit here.

Uraraka vs Bakuboi was a sham of a fight and none of it makes any goddamn sense.

Uraraka deserved her win, for multiple reasons.

Shout out to @bnhasalt, who’s post reminded me how indignantly furious this arc makes me.

More under the cut over both how salty I am, and how Uraraka losing against Explodo Kills makes absolutely no sense, even narratively.

(Warning ahead for a discussion on sexism, misogyny, forced fanservice, the blatant favoritism towards That One Specific Character even if unearned in the narrative, and the general incompetence on how to write female characters.

I call B/kugo “Bakuboi” in this analysis bc I don’t want to write his Actual Name out and have it pop up in his character tags. Also, heads up, I’m sorry for how messy and long this rant is )

First, can I just say that Horikoshi is uhhhh Bad at writing female characters?

Which I’m sure many female fans already have an inkling about, but goddamn is it never more obvious than in the Sports Festival Arc. Because hey, at least the female characters are THERE and PARTICIPATING and have their own time to shine! This ISN’T one of those arcs that just stars THE BOYS, so that MUST mean this arc is equal opportunity! Right...?

God, I wish. I wish...

See, the girls are the minority of the Sports Fest in general. It shouldn’t be this way. And quite frankly, the fact that the classes (and UA in general) isn’t closer to being a 50/50 gender split also makes no sense, considering all children are raised in a society that values heroism EQUALLY and almost half the population is male and half female.

But, okay, let’s say I actually believe in the most illogical character ratio imagineable of there being a 2 boy to 1 girl, like this is another round of Naruto But It’s Superheroes So It’s Different I Swear.

We all know that there is going to be an emphasis on Izuku, since he’s the protagonist and he wants to make All Might proud during the Sports Festival.

Pre-Festival, there’s the reveal that Uraraka wants to do her best, with her main motivation of becoming a hero to give her parents a good life. Iida also wants to make his own family proud, specifically his brother, because of his family legacy. 

Since these three are a trio, you’d think they’d all get some time to shine, right? Since they’re Izuku’s friends? And Izuku considers them his equals?

Yeah, no. Wrong.

This arc is dominated by Izuku, Shoto, and Bakuboi. That becomes clear very quickly. 

I knew I shouldn’t expect much, since these three are powerhouses and also the most popular characters of the entire franchise (just look at the popularity polls) but still. I’d thought at least Uraraka would get a chance to shine! Since we get some character development and motivation revealed from her!

But the female characters in general get done so dirty this arc, despite it being first set up as a perfect arc to let the girls have just as much opportunity to participate as their male peers.

The most significant part of the female characters all getting an ‘equal time to shine’ is when He Who Must Not Be Mentioned and Kaminari trick the girls into dressing as scantily-clad cheerleaders. Which is both Tiring and Unncessary.

(This scheme also shouldn’t have worked because Momo is Vice Rep and she is an intelligent girl, top of her class. She would be smart enough to go to a teacher and actually double-check to see if Class 1-A girls really needed to cheer in the activities portion of the Sports Festival. 

But noooo, Horikoshi can’t pass up a chance for FANSERVICE and forcing his underaged female characters to be uncomfortable for The Funnies! Thanks! I hate it!)

The female characters that move onto the final round of the Sports Festival, and thusly have the most attention, are: Uraraka, Mei Hatsume from Support, Momo, Mina, and Shiozaki from 1-B.

Wow, I sure wish these girls could like...show their worth. And maybe NOT get steamrolled and easily tossed aside in their matches because they’re facing Boys and Boys Have Strong Offense-based Quirks, That’s The Rules Folks.

(Before you come at me, I know that isn’t a rule that applies to every single male character in the series, but the strongest and offense-based Quirks tend to go to the male characters, while the female characters tend to get more support-based Quirks. It’s both sexist, but also an inherent trend in media in general. Please Just Let Women Punch Shit To Smithereens And Control The Elements.)

Yes, Mina and Shiozaki won their first rounds easily! And that’s great to see! But then we turn right around, and they're eliminated just as quickly in their second matches! Without even a fighting chance!

Good God, Shiozaki is literally PUSHED OUT OF THE RING. That’s it, that’s how she lost. Same thing with Momo in her match! And Mei straight-up forfeits because her character is based more on advertising her inventions/babies, so she doesn’t even fight.

So essentially, the female characters are shucked away if they’re not used to make the male characters look good, or there for fanservice, or there to show a shallow form of ~feminism~ so Horikoshi can pat himself on the back and say ��See! Girls strong! I can write girls!”

And now we get to the meat of things: Uraraka.

Oh, poor Uraraka. Out of all the female characters, your potential was the greatest, and also the most squandered...

As a reminder, at the start of the arc, Uraraka speaks with both Izuku and Iida about how she wants to do well in the Sports Fest. They all promise to do their best. Izuku’s friends admit that they want to face him in later matches, because they want to be his equals.

Uraraka wanted to stand on the same level as Izuku and Iida, but she's the only one that doesn't move on past her first match!

And man, what an absolute bogus match it is.

Is it emotional? Yeah. Did I tear up when I watched it? Sure, every single time! But that's more because Uraraka is one of my favorite characters and I feel empathy for her and thought she deserved better.

The match gets to me because I also hate how Bakuboi is so fucking entitled and gets everything handed to him on a silver platter.

Bakuboi himself is written as, essentially, a Gary Stu. He always wins. ALWAYS. And even when he ‘loses’, he still manages to beat his opponents to the point that they need to be hospitalized (see Izuku vs Kacchan pt 1) or he makes his losses ALL ABOUT HIMSELF by twisting logic to fit his own narrative.

Remember how Bakuboi won against Todoroki in the final match? And was so pissed at him he was ready to Physically Assault Todoroki for him not being able to Get Over His Trauma to go 100% during their match? And even though Bakuboi LITERALLY won the entire Sports Festival, he’s so entitled that he demands a rematch because he feels like he “didn’t actually win”?

Not wanting a rematch for Todoroki’s sake, because Todoroki has been through a rough time and Bakuboi overheard Todo’s Tragic Abusive Backstory. Oh no, that would make too much sense and show too much character growth, we can’t have that! Bakuboi, even when winning the Sports Festival, demanded a rematch because he wanted to beat the shit out of Todoroki AGAIN to assert his dominance.

You see, Bakuboi is always rewarded in the narrative. Even when he loses it’s not seen as his fault. He’s never really punished for it, and he never learns any lessons from his losses.

Ah, and let’s not forget, Katsuki Bakuboi has the Best And Strongest Quirk Ever. Strong enough to even do the impossible and work to his advantage when it shouldn’t!

Like how he SOMEHOW manages to ‘beat the odds’ by breaking the laws of physics to win in Round 2. He manages to PUNCH THROUGH A QUIRK THAT CREATES A SOLID WALL from 1-B’s Tsuburaba in order to get back his team’s headband and move on to Round 3.

Or hey, his finishing move, Howlitzer Impact? Doesn’t make any sense either. It shouldn’t work as a...cyclone? Tornado? Drill thing? 

Look, the logistics of it shouldn’t work. Yes, this is anime, but do you HONESTLY think that a teenager YEETING himself in a fast spiral will somehow accomplish anything more than spreading out some explosions in a circle around him? You honestly think any other character would be able to pull that bullshit off WITHOUT upchucking their entire lunch?

But because it’s Bakuboi, it works somehow. Because Bakuboi’s Quirk is The Shining Beacon Of Quirks. 

Drawbacks? Sure, he SUPPOSEDLY has them. They’re noted in his character profile and everything. But very rarely do those supposed “drawbacks” ever actually come into play and actually, like, stop him. Or slow him down. Or, yknow, ACTUALLY WORK LIKE DRAWBACKS ARE SUPPOSED TO WORK.

Because apparently, human limits don’t exist for Katsuki fucking Bakuboi, nope, not at all!

One of Bakuboi’s "drawbacks" is supposed to be that he can't overexert himself or he can fuck up his wrists/his forearms will start to ache. 

Cool cool cool, except...This rarely slows him down or effects him at all. 

It’s actually astounding he hasn’t given himself Carpel Tunnel, because that would be a natural consequence to over-using his Quirk. Hell, he should be fucking up his arms almost as much as Izuku does to his own arms with a destructive Quirk like OFA! Explosions are dangerous and cause massive destruction, and that should be fucking up his arms SOMEHOW!

But, nope. Bakuboi is as fresh as a goddamn daisy. He can Never Have A Weakness.

(Another drawback is cold weather/Winter season is supposed to weaken his Quirk. Makes sense, since heat would help him produce more nitroglycerin sweat, and the cold would make it hard to sweat. But that sure as hell didn’t stop him during the Joint Training Arc in the future, and he didn’t struggle whatsoever to almost singlehandedly win that for his team.)

Not ONCE does Bakuboi’s Quirk ever effect him negatively and forces him to weaken! He keeps using his Quirk like it's nothing!!

And that’s the crux of the entire problem with Uraraka vs Bakuboi’s match.

Bakuboi apparently has “drawbacks” and “limits”, but he keeps somehow managing to break them without a sweat (ha) and without consequence, essentially PULLING WINS OUT OF HIS ASS.

Bakuboi was using his Quirk LITERALLY NONSTOP during Round 1, and kept using it to throw himself around in Round 2. Logically, he should’ve fucked his arms up and been at the very least SLOWED DOWN by the third round of the Sports Fest because he went past what were SUPPOSED to be his Quirk’s canonical limitations and logic!

It would've taught Bakuboi that he can't fucking steamroll through all his problems! He has limits! There are consequences to over using his Quirk! He’s a human being and he doesn’t have endless stamina like some sort of God!

Hell, every other character has these limits very clearly shown and outlined with their Quirks! Uraraka throws up when she over-uses Zero Gravity. Shoto, before using his fire side, would get frostbite. Iida’s Engines will stall after using Recipro Burst.

The other characters have limitations to their Quirks that slows them down, shows consequences for their actions, but Bakuboi NEVER HAS ANY.

THIS is why he’s a Gary Stu. THIS is why he won his match against Uraraka.

Not because of any logic. Because HIS QUIRK HAS NO FLAWS. And on top of that, THE NARRATIVE KEEPS REWARDING HIM, EVEN WHEN HE HASN’T EARNED IT.

Bakuboi SHOULD have been weakened from using his Quirk non-stop. Bakuboi SHOULD NOT have managed to pull out that “one final big explosion” that ruined Uraraka’s final attack.

Bakuboi was literally hissing about his arms hurting earlier, before their match started. And Uraraka forced him to use his Quirk so much that she managed to amass a ton of debris to knock him out and win the match. HIS EXPLOSIONS SHOULD HAVE SPUTTERED OUT, AND NOT SAVED HIM WITH THAT LAST-SECOND ASSPULL.

Like, I’m preeeeetty sure the entire reason Horikoshi wrote Uraraka vs Bakuboi in the first place was because he was attempting at writing Feminism.

See, Bakuboi Hates Everyone Equally, he’s not a violent misogynist for beating up Uraraka! It’s a Match, he Respects Women And Sees Them As Equals! The Crowd of Pro Heroes are the ones being Misogynistic and Judging The Match Early!

And look at Uraraka, she’s a Strong Woman! She keeps getting back up! That’s the Shonen Spirit! And she’s smart, too! Look at her amazing plan to win--

Oh, wait. Wait, nope. She didn’t win at all! :) Because our shining beacon of perfection Katsuki Bakuboi never loses!! :)) Look at all her hopes and dreams being blown to literal smithereens, because of Bakuboi’s ass pull, even though he shouldn’t have had enough time, sweat, and strength to muster up that last explosion!!! :)))

Can ya’ll feel my incandescent fury right now?

Because Horikoshi can NEVER write Bakuboi losing, Uraraka COULDN’T HAVE WON, even if her winning makes THE MOST LOGICAL SENSE.

This scene was supposed to show Uraraka’s strength. But it feels like Uraraka is being literally spit in her face, for even DARING to TRY to win against Katsuki fucking Bakuboi.

How much more impactful would Uraraka’s breakdown have been, if she had moved onto the Second Round with Izuku and Iida? How she would feel ashamed that she couldn’t keep up with them, with how Powerful their Quirks are? Especially after seeing Izuku and Todoroki’s amazing match, and seen how destructive and close a match it had been?

How DEVASTATED she would have felt, beating BAKUBOI--one of the strongest of their class!--and then STILL managing to lose the Sports Festival?

That would have been SO much more interesting! And even SADDER!! C’mon!

Uraraka SHOULD have won her match! It would’ve provided both character development for herself, and for Bakuboi! Bakuboi would realize he has limits to his body and Quirk, and realize not to underestimate his opponents! Uraraka would realize that she’s strong in spite of her Quirk not being necessarily combat-oriented, but still has a long way to go in being a Pro Hero!

But, nooooo. We can’t have CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT, can we? We ESPECIALLY can’t have THE FEMALE CHARACTERS IMPACTING THE PLOT IN SOME WAY, either! Or--what’s this? FEMALE CHARACTERS ACTUALLY HAVING THE SPOTLIGHT FOR ONCE? Perish the thought!

The only good parts about this godforsaken arc are 1) Mei Hatsume 2) Hitoshi Shinso and 3) Izuku vs Todoroki fight and Todoroki’s Tragic Backstory Reveal. Everything else is hit-or-miss, if not completely hot garbage.

Anyways, thanks for coming to my TED Talk, and for reading this entire thing! Four for you, reader. You go, reader.

[lettucetacoboatsix]

Like hurt me, but make me feel safe: Non-Consent Fantasies and Shame

Anonymous asked:

Fear: my sexual fantasies. I get aroused by rape fantasies and thoughts about my physical pain. It makes me feel like a slut and I hate it.

Content warning: Those who find discussions of rape and sexual assault may find this article triggering.

Hello friend,

That sort of fear has the potential to shake you to your core. Our sexuality and sexual identity is something so intrinsically tied to the self and to privacy that when it shows us something that we fear, we begin to question our very being. It’s easy to get lost in that initial reaction of self-loathing and disgust. We can’t always control which dark corners our minds will wander to, just like we can’t always control our physical arousal response to stimuli. Those responses do not make us gross or slutty or evil. Really, all they show is that we are human and that we are alive. Especially if you are still able to tell the difference between fantasy and reality.

Sexual fantasies run the gamut because personalities and interests do. They range from outlandishly unrealistic to entirely plausible. Maybe you fantasize about a trans witch, her anthropomorphic dinosaur lover and a sentient motorcycle with a human head (yes, that’s a real thing. Seriously, the rabbit hole of self-published erotica available on the internet is a glorious exploration of the human condition). That’s totally okay! It’s probably never going to happen, but role playing can be a lot of fun.

The fantasies that you mentioned, though, are often more realistic and play on our sense of safety and control. I do want to caution how we talk about them, though.  While easily recognized as a “rape” fantasy, a more accurate term would be a non-consent fantasy or a forced sex fantasy. Rape is, by definition, sexual violence—a violation of the body and mind. Your sexual fantasies, while they might include elements of saying “no” or being bound or even physical harm to your body, are your fantasies, and are therefore empowering to your sexual identity. Sexual fantasies let you explore your sexuality. They are what allow us to find self-gratification on those cold and lonely winter nights without WiFi. We get to recall our fantasies through roleplay scenarios to make our sex lives even more fulfilling. This type of fantasy plays off of our feelings of sexual shame (if we’re saying we don’t want it, it’s not our fault when it happens and we enjoy it), and, because of that, we generally do not talk about it candidly. Rather than releasing ourselves from that shame, we internalize and we are disgusted by our own thoughts.

But this type of fantasy is incredibly common. A 2017 study (and seriously… PubMed is an amazing database of references and abstracts on life sciences and biomedical topics) showed that between 31% and 57% of women have fantasies in which they are forced into sex against their will. For 9% to 17% of those women, non-consent fantasies are their go to deposit in the spank bank. Another study, showed that 62% of women had had a non-consent fantasy at some point, and 14% reported that they had such a fantasy at least once a week. The cultural narrative would tell us that men fantasize more about domination than submission, and, while research does anecdotally support this, socialization isn’t absolute, and a person of any gender can embrace that desire to let go—to be seduced against our will or to be forced to have sex. It is a completely normal fantasy to explore.

It is understandable if those statistics make you uneasy. In real-life contexts, non-consent is deeply traumatizing. It is not at all sexy to feel that we have no sense of agency or safety in our daily lives. It is an intense violation that causes high levels of mental anguish and anxiety. It seems like there is some serious cognitive dissonance that we would use violent sex and non-consent as the basis for our sexual fantasies – but so many of us do.

It’s absolutely vital to note that while non-consent fantasies are common, this does not mean that anyone secretly wants to be raped. There is a huge difference between acted out role-play, imagined scenarios, pre-negotiated scenes and real-life experiences. No one asks to be raped, no one deserves to be raped, and how common forced sex fantasies are in no way justifies unwanted sexual contact of any nature. It is impossible to know exactly what these fantasies entail, because, they are going on in someone else’s mind. If you do choose to engage in a scene of consensual non-consent, pre-negotiation is absolutely mandatory and a safe-word must always be respected. Acting on these fantasies in real life requires an intrinsic trust with one’s partner and a thorough discussion before anything actually happens.

For some, fantasies of forced sex steered away from experiences that would be close to reality. Rather than lines of consent being crossed by friends or bosses, we fantasize about high drama situations in which we are forced to have sex to survive, entering into sexual contracts rather than having our right to consent taken away from us outright. We might share the relatively common fantasy of being kidnapped and held hostage, then having one of the guards forcing us into sex to survive, or we might fantasize about thieves breaking into our house and being so overwhelmed by our presence and attractiveness that they have to have sex with us against our will. In both of these relatively common scenarios, we start out by resisting the advances. Then we begin to enjoy the sex midway through, as pain and terror give way to pleasure. It is this relinquishing of control and giving in to desire that is the turn on, rather than the very real trauma of real-life sexual violence.

For others, though, these fantasies are more true to life. It may not be about feigned struggle, but imagining consent and control being ripped away as a major turn on. Why are so many of us aroused by forced sex when we’d be horrified of it in reality? Why do we find the idea of rejecting sex then being made to do it anyway a turn on? There are a few theories.

One theory is that it is an echo of the dominant narratives shown in our media-saturated world and masculine-controlled pornography. Our culture sells sex, and that vision of sex is a masculine man being dominant and losing control around a meek, diminutive and submissive woman or multiple women or parts of women or women acting as furniture or other objects. Our fantasies of non-consent are just an extension of that narrative—an internalized misogyny. Personally, I get that this might provide the framework, but it really seems like more is going on in those fantasies.

Another theory is that fantasies of non-consensual sex can be boiled down to lingering guilt and shame around sexuality. Young people are taught to hide sexual feelings or encouraged to fit narrow gender stereotypes of the acceptable ways that sexuality can be expressed in society. This leads to feelings of deep-rooted guilt and shame in expressing one’s own sexual desire. Being forced in the fantasy allows freedom since what happens to us and what we enjoy are not our fault with that added level of narrative. It’s not us, it is a fantasy version of us that doesn’t have a choice. We can’t be ashamed if we don’t have a choice.

If it seems like I am belaboring this point, please recognize how important it is to be clear here. Just as having fantasies about being abducted by an insectoid alien queen and being penetrated by her ovipositor to become an incubator for the next generation of our future overlords doesn’t mean you want to quit your job and become an astronaut, fantasizing about non-consensual sex does not in any way mean that you want to experience sexual violence in real life. It does not make you less human. It does not make you a slut. All it does it make you aware of this particular branch of your sexual fantasies. One more time for the folks in the back: people who have fantasies of experiencing sexual violence do not want to experience real-life rape. Fantasies are not permission to do such a thing, and what people find erotic in their minds can be deeply distressing when played out in reality. Having fantasies about being raped also doesn’t make you a terrible feminist. It doesn’t mean anything about who you are as a person, other than that you’re a person, who occasionally fantasizes about non-consent.

You are also no more likely to experience non-consent fantasies if you are a survivor of sexual assault or rape – fantasies can come up for anyone, at any time in their lives – and, if you are a survivor of sexual violence, it is incredibly important to note that experiencing non-consent fantasies does not mean that their real-life experience was in any way less traumatic. While renegotiating a scene on your terms might be a very therapeutic way to process and heal from a traumatic event (whether through role reversal or putting yourself in a submissive role by choice), having a fantasy at a later date is not indicative  that what happened to you was somehow less traumatic. It’s important to understand your own feelings around fantasies of forced sex. If you’re enjoying them and are free of any guilt or discomfort, you don’t need to worry – fantasies of being forced to have sex are entirely normal and very common. If these thoughts feel intrusive, out of control, or distressing, though, then they’re no longer fun sexual fantasies – they’re an issue which needs resolving. Echoes of shame and guilt can often be addressed through open communication and understanding. But with that being said, though, if in the moment of fantasizing these fantasies are causing you distress, please seek professional help in the form of an understanding therapist. Fantasy is a tool for exploration. It is nothing to be ashamed of.  If you’ve established that your fantasies are just that – sexual fantasies well within your control, that you find arousing, not distressing – you should feel free to enjoy them.

It’s entirely normal to find something arousing when it is played out in the safety of your mind but upsetting in real life. It’s normal for your own mind to push the boundaries of your comfort zone, and it’s normal if being out of that comfort zone makes you uncomfortable. Don’t panic, and bring a towel. Don’t judge, and treat your mind as a safe space to explore your sexuality in whatever way tickles your fancy at a given moment. If you do want to role play, have that discussion with your partner(s) as openly and honestly as possible. A mind is a terrible thing to waste. Especially a sexy, sexy mind. So treat yourself. Let go, and enjoy.

With love, friend.

[epicstuckyficrecs]

How To Tag Stucky Fics Part 3: Additional Tags

The Additional Tags are probably the hardest to fill out, but also the most important! All of the other fields are pretty straightforward when it comes to what you need to put in, but here? It’s the Wild West! You can pretty much write as much or as little as you want, but those tags are really gonna be the ones that will let potential readers know what is in your fic. In fact, they’re probably as important as your summary 

If you want an easy reminder of what to tag for, keep in mind the W’s: WHO, WHAT, WHEN, and WHERE? 

Under a read more because this is long!

Who

Character traits

We’ve already settled which characters are appearing in your fic, now it’s time to tell us more about WHO they are. This can include:

Physical traits

Personality traits

Jobs

Sexuality and other sex-related stuff

Religion

Nationality 

Disabilities and mental illnesses

Fantasy creatures: vampire, werewolf, angel and demon… you get the gist.

MCU specific stuff

etc.

In my opinion, these tags are useful if the characteristic in question is something that is memorable, important with regards to the plot, something that defines the character in your story specifically, or something that differs from canon. I don’t really need to know that your fic contains some Shy Bucky Barnes if it’s not somewhat important to the story; you probably don’t need to tag for “British Peggy Carter” since thats just the default canon, but you could tag “American Peggy Carter” if she’s American in your AU!

I’ve mentioned a lot of them in my Comprehensive List of Stucky Tags post, but it’s not actually a complete list! If you want to know all of the canon tags existing for a specific character: go on AO3 and click on the Search tab on top of the page > Tags > Enter the character’s name > Select “Freeform” in the list > Click “canonical”. 

And besides, if you can’t find a canonical tag for what you want, you can always invent one! Just remember: if you wanna create a freeform tag for a character, please make sure to use the characters’ LAST NAME too, in order to help tag wranglers! For example: if you want to tag for Steve having black hair, you should write something like “Steve Rogers has black hair”, and not just “Steve has black hair”, because at the moment there are 279 canonical “Steve” character tags so… who knows which Steve you’re talking about? XD

As for some things specific to the MCU, again, I’ve listed a lot of them in my Comprehensive List of Stucky Tags post, but I would tag especially anything that differs from canon, for example, “Steve Rogers as the Winter Soldier” or “Bucky Barnes as Captain America”. You can check out the post if you wanna have an idea of the canonical tags that already exist, but once again, you can always create your own tags and let the wranglers deal with it! :P Just make sure to use the characters’ last name in your tag.

Another tip: if there’s a dichotomy in the character roles or attributes, or opposite roles/positions between the characters, I would make sure to tag them both! For example: 

Don’t just tag “Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics”: also tag Alpha Bucky Barnes, Omega Steve Rogers, or vice-versa

Don’t just tag “BDSM”: also tag Dom Steve Rogers, Sub Bucky Barnes, or vice-versa

Don’t just tag “Alternate Universe - Angels & Demons”: also tag Angel Steve Rogers, Demon Bucky Barnes, or vice-versa

etc.

Relationships

Why am I talking about relationships again, you say? Haven’t we covered that in Part 2 of the series? Yes I did. But here’s a little reminder of what I said then:

“Any side pairings/friendships can go in the Additional Tags field (for example: Minor Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov or Steve Rogers & Bucky Barnes Friendship).”

So there’s a few types of relationships that you can consider here: 

Friendships: you can decide wether you want to mention the friendship in the Relationships field, in the Additional Tags field, or both. That’s your choice!

Past relationships, minor/side relationships: I personally would put them only in the Additional Tags field (NOT in the Relationship field), and here’s why: 

Putting “past” or “minor” or “side” or whatever else qualifier in front of your ship in the Relationships field makes it a non-canonical tag (only the Additional tags can be non-canonical, or “freeform”. Like I’ve said in Part 2: try to only use canonical tags for the Fandom, Relationship, and Characters fields). That means that your tag is gonna be made a synonym of a canon tag. For example: the non-canonical “(Past) Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers” tag that a few people have used is a synonym of the canon “Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers” tag. That means that those past Peggy/Steve fics appear in the Steve/Peggy tag. Are people looking for Steggy fics likely to want to read past Steggy fics? You tell me...

If you’re tagging with the canon tag, but the couple is only a side/minor pairing, it might annoy people who are looking for fics in that tag and keep seeing fics that are not about their ship. This is especially true if the ship is less popular in the fandom.

So TLDR in my opinion: tag your main couple (if you’re writing a romance) or your main friendship/platonic relationship (if you’re writing a Gen fic) in the Relationship field, and tag everything else in the Additional Tags field.

POV

You can specify from which POV your fic is written from. Personally, I would pay attention to this mostly if your POV differs from the classic “3rd person” Steve or Bucky POV. Some existing tags tags to give you an idea:

POV Steve Rogers

POV Bucky Barnes

POV Sam Wilson or POV Natasha Romanov, etc.

POV Outsider or POV Original Character

POV First Person or POV Second Person

POV Alternating

POV Multiple  

What

This is pretty self-explanatory, but you want to tell your readers what’s in your story! What’s happening? What’s the plot about? What are some specific subjects/themes your story contains?

Genres

When I think about genres, I always picture the FF.net categories lol XD. But it’s actually a good way to look at it!Here’s a few examples on AO3:

Action/Adventure

Angst

Character Study

Crack

Crimes and Criminals

Crossovers & Fandom Fusions

Family

Fluff

Friendship

Humor

Hurt/Comfort

Love

Mystery

Pining

Porn

Romance

Science Fiction & Fantasy

Sexual content

Smut

I wouldn’t say these are the most essential tags, but they can give your readers a general idea of the tone/content of your story.

Relationship

On top of that, we want to know what kind of relationship your ship has in this fic! What are they to each other? What’s their progression? Here’s a few examples:

Boss/Employee Relationship

Break Up

Childhood Friends

Enemies to Friends to Lovers

Established Relationship

Fake/Pretend Relationship

Friends to Lovers

Friends With Benefits

Getting Together

Long-Distance Relationship

Strangers to Lovers

Triggers

It can be hard to know what to tag with regards to triggers. I’d say better safe than sorry, and be open to suggestions and comments from your readers, especially with triggers. 

Here’s a few examples to give you an idea what to tag for, which are taken from this great triggers list, but I definitely suggest you take a look at this post and bookmark it for whenever you need to tag your fics!

Violence:

Death: main/minor character death, animal death, child death...

Suicide: suicide attempt, suicidal thoughts, suicidal “insert character name”, ... 

Abuse: child abuse, domestic abuse, sexual abuse, emotionnal abuse, gaslighting... 

Assault

Torture

Kidnapping

Stalking

Sex:

Rape/Sexual assault/Non con

Dub con

Incest

Specific sex acts: like @kiragecko says in the post I linked: “some people search for, others want to avoid”. 

Specify if your characters are being Safe Sane and Consensual or not when engaging in kinky sex.

Health:

Drugs and/or Alcohol

Food

Illnesses (physical or mental)

Pregnancy: mpreg, miscariage

Self-harm

Panic attacks, PTSD, dissociation

Phobias: 

Any phobias that your character(s) have and are specifically mentioned/depicted in your fic

Common phobias: spiders, clowns, hospitals...

Gross content:

Gore

Bodily fluids

Smut

I’ve said it above in the triggers section, but you can tag sexual acts appearing in your story as a way to both attract readers who are looking for them and help readers who want to avoid them. 

If your story has a lot of smut, you might be reluctant to tagging all of them in fear of making your tag list very long. I would always at least indicate in your tags that there’s Sexual Content in your fic; then, you could do like I’ve suggested with the Warnings and add something like “more info about specific sexual acts in the author’s note” to your tags, and make a detailed list of sexual acts in your authors’ note.

Here’s a few generic tags about smut, and here’s a link to all the different canon “sex” tags (350 at the moment!)

Angst and Fluff and Smut

Angst and Porn

Emotional Porn

Eventual Smut

Fluff and Smut

Identity Porn

Mild Sexual Content 

Mild Smut 

No Smut 

Non-Graphic Smut 

Porn with Feelings 

Porn With Plot

Sexual Tension

Unresolved Sexual Tension 

When

MCU

In my post about Stucky tags, I made a list of a lot of tags regarding the MCU movies. Not all of them of course, this list was mainly focused on movies where Stucky would appear, but you get the gist. We want to know WHEN in the MCU your fic is happening.

I’m not gonna list every single MCU movie and all of their tags, but basically you have a few options:

Pre-movie

Movie

Movie mid/end credit scenes

Post-movie

Movie compliant

Not Movie compliant

Canon divergence

Canon divergence - post movie

Some movies also have specific tags for their trailers. I would recommend using the trailer tag if you are indeed writing your fic based on the trailer of a movie that isn’t out yet (you could also add the movie’s specific “spoiler” tag too while you’re at it!) in order for people to be able to avoid spoilers if they want to.

Moreover, in the case of movies that are canonically happening in another time, you could also add the relevant tags if it’s pertinent! (for example, with The First Avenger: 1930s or World War II). You can also refer to events that happened within the MCU (example: Battle of New York (Marvel)).

Alternate Universe

Whatever era or time your fic is happening in, there’s probably a tag for that! There’s a tag for every decade of the 20th century and pretty much every century too. Is it a Victorian, Ancient Rome, or a Future fic? 

But even if it’s just a simple Alternate Universe - Modern Setting with No Powers … there are tags for that too! :P 

If there’s a specific historical/fictional event that your story is centered around, you could tag it too! For example: PyeongChang 2018 Winter Olympics, World War I, 2008 United States Presidential Election, Battle of Hogwarts, 75th Hunger Games, etc.

Don’t forget your holidays! Christmas, Valentine's Day, Halloween, to name a few...

Where

Self-explanatory again, but where is your story taking place? :P Again, maybe not the most important tag category to consider, but I would use it especially if the story is taking place in a specific/unusual place for the canon or your ship. See examples below!

MCU

Avengers Tower

Avengers Compound

Red Room (Marvel)

Sanctum Sanctorum (Marvel) 

Wakanda (Marvel)

Asgard (Marvel)

Alternate universe

(Reminder: There’s sooooooooooo many different Alternate Universe tags!)

If your AU is taking place in a different country/city, you can mention it! You could either go with the AU tag or just the tag for the place itself. For example: Alternate Universe - Canada or Canada. 

But it can also be even more precise than that! Stuck in a cabin during a snowstorm? There’s Cabin Fic! Steve and Bucky are men of the Night’s Watch? Maybe tag Castle Black! You get the gist ;) 

And lastly...

Format

(inspired by this post from @salt-of-the-ao3 on tumblr)

If your fic has a specific format, you can specify it! Here’s a few suggestions:

Drabble

Epistolary

Songfic

Poetry

Reader-Insert 

And I think that’s it folks! All you need to know to tag your fics the best you can! :)

See Part 1: A Comprehensive List of Stucky Tags here!

See Part 2: Rating, Warnings, Fandoms, Relationships & Characters here!

You can also access a handy bullet-point checklist that summarizes these posts on Google Docs here! 

[brokenedgeben]

Remember when I said I had more to say? You’re getting it.

A.k.a. my Sion/Exile vs. Reylo meta that I’ve been sitting on for quite a while now. Fair warning, this may start a rumble, but I have to get this out of my system.

Call it one of those moments when I realized that I am not against hero/villain pairings by default. I mean, my Darkpilot shipping aside, one of my favorite pairings when I was in the Knights of the Old Republic fandom was Darth Sion and the Jedi Exile (unfortunately only available if you play the female path. I’m guessing Chris Avellone didn’t want any Unfortunate Implications, to quote TV Tropes...?). Why does Sion/Exile work for me, and Reylo does not (besides my love of FinnRey and Darkpilot)?

Let’s look at the evidence.

For a bit of backstory, Knights of the Old Republic II follows a General of a fallen Jedi-turned-good-again (or bad again, depending on your choices), named simply the Jedi Exile (there’s one book that calls her Meetra Surik, but IMHO, she’s really the Exile in name only from what I heard), who has (SPOILERS) cut herself off from the Force after a traumatic event at the Battle of Malachor V. When she returns to Republic space, she, among other things, finds herself tracked by two Sith Lords intent on exterminating all Jedi everywhere. One’s a Sith Lord who feeds off the Force (it’s a long story). One’s Sion, who relies on his physical and mental anguish in order to survive things that would kill a normal person (including the explosion of a starship). As a result...well, he basically looks like this:

Yeah, that guy. This is when he’s confronting the Exile on Korriban (I know it’s Moraband in the new canon, but this is old canon). We’ll be going into that soon enough.

So, on the surface, SionExile and Reylo have similarities. Sion and Kylo even look somewhat alike.

Seriously, I don’t think it’s a stretch to think that they went to the same clothing designer. Difference is that Kylo’s not as seriously scarred, but I digress.

But in the end, there are definite differences in terms of how they’re executed. To begin with, Sion actually seems to care for the Exile, in a very twisted sense of the word. Kylo...if there’s any love in him for Rey, it would be a miracle. 

First meetings

For Sion and the Exile, they actually have two first meetings. One is on the Republic ship the Harbinger, when the Exile (along with her two party members, Atton and Kreia -- Kreia being who Sion has a very complex relationship with. He hates her, yet also yearns for her approval, even though it’s clear that she loathes him. And at the same time, he wants to save the Exile -- at least the female Exile -- from suffering the same fate he did, whatever happened to him pre-game) is trying to get off the mining colony Peragus. Sion makes his entrance to the Exile at the end of a long dark hall on the ship (unfortunately, I can’t find a good screencap of it), while saying (at least in the Restored Content mod), “I came to warn you, Jedi; you know not the path you walk.”

Their second first meeting comes on Korriban. Sion’s treatment of the female Exile is quite a contrast to how Kylo treats Rey. While he is rather creepy in terms of describing himself as having studied the Exile extensively (up to knowing where she walked when she was in Exile, her battles in the Mandalorian Wars, and more), he’s surprisingly gentle with her. 

For starters, in a video game, the voice acting is essential (along with animation, etc.) to convey emotions. In contrast to his angry Evil Cannot Comprehend Good treatment of a male Exile (Sion doesn’t understand why someone would turn away from power instead of embrace it), Sion is generally tender towards a female Exile in terms of how he speaks. His voice softens, and while there are instances where he seems genuinely confused as to why Kreia would sacrifice herself for the Exile either way, he shows sympathy for what she’s gone through (“You know what it means to be broken.”) and tries to warn her, again, about Kreia and what she’s capable of (”The one who travels with you will destroy you, as she did me. I can end it before it begins.”).

Now Sion, obviously, is not a destined partnership sort. Sion’s not even the character I mainly ship my female Exiles with (that would be Atton, God bless him). But it is noteworthy that even his facial expression seems to be softer in that screencap -- at least as soft as one can get considering the animation. Pretty decent animation for 2004, really. It’s also noteworthy that Sion’s voice goes a lot more tender when he says that line, almost like the Exile’s valuable to him. (We’ll get into that more later)

In addition, he has qualms about harming the Exile. After the Exile (temporarily) beats him in battle, he actually spares her, even ordering his assassins not to harm her. “She,” he says, “Has earned this. She and I will meet again.”

Even that shows more respect towards the Exile than Kylo shows towards Rey. The Exile may be his enemy, but he respects her for what she’s been able to accomplish (especially since, in both paths, he underestimates the Exile. The difference is that with a male Exile, Sion despises him, while with a female Exile, Sion begrudgingly respects what she’s capable of).

In contrast, Kylo’s meeting with Rey is much different. In her initial vision, Rey’s frightened of him:

He terrifies her in the forest of Takodana, blatantly:

There was quite a ruckus made over the fact that he carried her bridal style (and even that you would have to stretch quite a bit, considering that it reminded me more of how Michael Myers would carry a victim), but even then, the difference between bridal style and that is that you have to have consent from the carried (carry-ee? Who knows). Kylo didn’t have Rey’s consent when he carried her. He actively knocked her unconscious with the Force (it’s rather unclear, but he does wave his hand a little) in order to get what he wanted:

And lest we forget, he tortured her. “But brokenedgeben!” you may say. “You ship Darkpilot, and that’s way worse than Reylo!” 

Yes, I ship Darkpilot. The difference is that Darkpilot shippers never try to romanticize Poe’s torture or minimize it like Reylos do with Rey (some have said that Kylo didn’t really torture her). We acknowledge that what Kylo did is a terrible thing and actually try to work with it. Sion obviously never tortured the Exile (ergo, not much to go on), so the best we can do is get into Kylo’s torture of Rey. I remember reading multiple fics that tried to excuse and rationalize Rey’s torture, including saying it was okay because he didn’t use a torture droid on her like he (apparently) did to Poe. But does it really make it better? Let’s really look at the evidence here. Aside from taking off his mask for Rey and trying to explain to her why she’s here, he isn’t really any better towards her than he was towards Poe. In fact, the only difference is that Rey beats him in the end. When he’s interrogating her, and getting into her personal space, she’s crying, closing her eyes, and turning her face away:

She doesn’t want it. It’s easy to understand why JJ Abrams would compare this scene to a sexual assault -- Kylo refuses to get out of her head and she has to force him out, and then there’s the gratuitous closeness of the two (again, without Rey’s consent, so even if Reylo did exist, it would be one-sided at most) during the torture scene. 

Attitudes towards enemies

With Sion, it’s made abundantly clear that he does have compassion and respect towards the Exile, twisted as it is. That only becomes stronger as we get to Malachor V. Nihilus has been vanquished, but Sion and Kreia are still standing, and Sion is relegated to being Kreia’s servant again (after Kreia makes a point of Force Choking him). Now, Kylo had no qualms about bringing Rey to Snoke, and even watches idly as Rey’s tortured by Snoke:

When Rey’s tortured by Snoke, there’s no emotion on Kylo’s face. There’s very little emotion, actually. He does nothing to intervene until the last minute when he kills Snoke (and even Rian Johnson’s comments don’t necessarily suggest that he killed Snoke for Rey). Not to mention that he’s tortured Rey in the past, complete with very creepily getting into her space:

When Kreia and Sion discuss the Exile on Malachor, however, Sion immediately shows concern for her. He explicitly asks Kreia what she will do to the Exile, which Kreia mocks him for, even asking if he has feelings within that shell. (In contrast, aside from Snoke bringing up the idea of Kylo having compassion for Rey in the novelization -- very different from romantic love -- Kylo’s feelings for Rey are never acknowledged onscreen) Even when Kreia explains what she’ll do (which may have been a bluff, but Sion didn’t know that), Sion actually is furious -- he doesn’t show it explicitly, but the gesture he makes of helplessly clenching his fists says volumes, really. 

When Rey tries to sway Kylo away from the path he’s going down (and keep in mind she’s crying all the while), Kylo shouts at her, and then, to twist the knife further, forces her to say that her parents were basically nobody and then says, “You have no place in this story. You come from nothing -- you’re nothing. But not to me.” Even the last part could arguably be called a form of emotional manipulation. 

And keep in mind, Rey crying above? Kylo did this to her. All because she wanted to help him.

How does Sion handle the duel with the Exile? He explicitly says that he respects the Exile’s abilities -- twice, actually. “I cannot see as [Kreia] does, but I know that in time, you will surpass her power. But not here. Not [at Malachor].” And “You are strong. As strong as I had believed. But you cannot beat me. [Kreia] knows this.” Part of the last one is sheer denial of the fact that Kreia’s using him as a pawn in a very complicated game of dejarik, part of it is a belief that he’s saving the Exile by either having her leave the Academy or killing her himself. When the Exile tries to help him (albeit in a twisted way, considering that it actually does result in Sion’s death at the end), Sion doesn’t ridicule her. He doesn’t rub in the fact that she’s nothing. If anything, Sion’s words seem to be more of unhealthy twisted coping mechanisms literally trying to keep himself alive. His words are fundamentally turned against himself, while Kylo actively wants to (emotionally) break Rey into joining him.

Think about it. If Kylo really loved Rey, he would have appealed to her joining him by confessing he loved her. Not implying, but confessing. It still would have gotten the point across that Kylo is manipulative, but it would have been a major step up from basically humiliating her and putting her down to make himself feel better about the fact that Luke “chose” her over him (don’t believe me? The novelization explicitly says that Kylo’s jealous of Rey. So was Sion with the Exile, of course, but the waters do get muddied by the fact that he genuinely seems to care for her and worry for her in a twisted way). 

First, Do No Harm

During their duel in the forest on Starkiller Base before Rey gets the upper hand, Kylo has no qualms about knocking Rey unconscious to focus on Finn first (it’s only after he severely burns Finn that Rey actually reenters the fight). Does he suggest her joining him? Yes, and in an arguably less derogatory way than he does in TLJ, as he doesn’t focus on her origins as much as her power and potential. That’s actually the catalyst for Rey being able to defeat him, and keep in mind, during her duel, she’s absolutely furious with him (and justifiably so):

(This was the best GIF I got of angry Rey, BTW)

After Rey fundamentally rejects him on the Supremacy, Kylo has no qualms about harming her. He even orders the Falcon blown out of the sky (though he doesn’t succeed or Rey would be dead) by his TIE fighters when Rey shows up to the battle. In contrast, while Sion doesn’t hold back in his duel against the Exile, he repeatedly urges her to surrender and leave Malachor because he sees it as better than what Kreia will inevitably do to her (in his eyes). Johnson could have chosen to have Kylo hesitate in firing on Rey for whatever reason (after all, he had it in the beginning with Kylo refusing to fire on his mother), but he didn’t. He chose to have Kylo treat Rey as any other opponent he hated. 

The Confession

While Kylo never really confesses his feelings to Rey explicitly, some Reylo shippers have interpreted the “you have no place in this story” speech as a love confession simply because of Kylo’s “but not to me” at the end. The problem is that it doesn’t do anything to tie into Kylo’s character; it’s just awful. In contrast, Sion’s confession is...probably not going to win any awards for best confession ever, but it ties into his character organically and is unexpectedly poignant because it is basically Sion trying to comprehend feelings that aren’t simply the hate and anger that’s keeping him alive -- feelings that may literally kill him. Even the script directions for the dialogue (shown on this Wookieepedia page if you scroll to the bottom and look for the eleventh footnote) describe it as him trying to describe what love feels like to him. It’s part of his character and makes sense. It illuminates a part of his character. With Kylo, the “you come from nothing” speech could have been intended to serve a similar purpose, but what does it really reveal about him? Nothing, except him being a manipulative bastard. And Sion/Exile was never intended to be a destined partnership (those would fall to Atton/Exile and Disciple/Exile, respectively, for a female Exile. And possibly Visas/Exile and Handmaiden/Exile if you’re using a mod). It was all part of Sion’s character, not knowing what to do with his emotions that aren’t hate. 

Even while he’s dying, he doesn’t lose his affection for the Exile. He even, while warning her about Kreia a final time, says, “Her weakness is you. As you were mine.” Coming from the literal embodiment of the Dark Side, that’s actually touching in a way. 

A tale of two heroines

What also makes Sion and the Exile work is purely in a character-driven way -- Sion is a look into what the Exile could have become if she depended too much on the Force/fell to the Dark Side. (Nihilus is a more blatant parallel, but Sion definitely has his parallels too) The Exile keeps her character arc; she isn’t sacrificed identity-wise in order to try and save Sion. All throughout her encounters with Sion, she keeps her identity intact. And keep in mind, this was written in 2004. 

In contrast, everything about Rey’s character in The Last Jedi is sacrificed to serve Kylo. She’s willing to put herself in danger on the off chance (and a really forced -- if you pardon the pun -- off chance that there may be good in him). Luke had a more familial version of it with Vader, but he kept his character arc of becoming a Jedi intact. Rey is sacrificed to serve another, her story of becoming a Jedi ultimately consumed by Kylo’s story. And this was in 2017. And called a “feminist” film. Calling it feminist is a genuine insult to feminism. 

Does Rey get a chance to resolve her own conflicts? No. She’s relegated to resolving another’s conflict. When she confronts Snoke, it’s all about “Ben”, not resisting the Dark Side herself. Rey rarely gets a chance to have an identity of her own in TLJ until towards the end; it’s all about Kylo. But hey, what do I know? Obviously I hate things directed at women, despite being a woman myself. 

Conclusion

When a hero/villain relationship keeps the heroine’s agency more in a game written in 2004 than a movie in 2017, we’ve got problems on our hands. Even saying that KOTOR II was a deconstruction is no excuse, as The Last Jedi was a deconstruction as well. (I’m probably going to stir up some controversy considering that apparently KOTOR II and TLJ are Friendly Fandoms, but TLJ doesn’t even hold a candle to KOTOR II) The difference is that one got it right, and the other got it wrong. One defied sexist tropes, one succumbed to it. One made the villain sympathetic and even redeemable through the relationship, the other did not. 

So how would I have written Reylo? I wouldn’t have copied Sion/Exile word for word, but I’d take these lessons to heart:

-Emphasize the nature of Rey and Kylo as foils. Using Kylo as a foil for Rey would have arguably saved Rey’s character from becoming just a tool for Kylo, as she would have faced him in a way that was relevant to her becoming a Jedi in her own right. Even if you didn’t have her lose in the forest on Starkiller Base, she could be learning to resist the Dark Side, or at least struggling with it. You could even have her struggle with Luke’s teachings, at least in terms of what she’s learned. 

-Cut the whole matter of Kylo ragging on Rey’s origins. It really does nothing except make him look like a pointless jerk.

-Have Kylo actually show he cares for Rey. There were countless opportunities. He could have hesitated to blow her out of the sky on Crait. He could have expressed sympathy towards her parentage (even though he has no idea what she’s gone through, at least he’d be trying). He could have openly used his caring for her in order to get her to join his side. (Think Bastila with Revan) He could have warned her what Snoke would do to her and that she shouldn’t have come (though that would have gotten in the way of his plan to turn her, so there is that. Mostly suggesting, of course). 

-Build up to Rey actually caring for Kylo and wanting to save him. There was no transition to her sudden change of mind, not even a bit of foreshadowing. It makes me wonder if a scene got cut that never even made it into the deleted scenes. 

-Completely change the “You come from nothing” scene. Instead of having Kylo use Rey’s parentage against her, have him promise her a future -- a better future, in his eyes, than what she’s got. 

-Have Kylo try and warn her about Luke. It would have been a nice bit of foreshadowing for the fact that Luke’s not entirely the good guy. 

-Make it unique to their characters. Make it part of their individual arcs (as I would argue that Sion got an arc despite not being a party member). Make it unique and striking, and you can likely get some gems from there.

In the end, Reylo could have been a lot more. Rey could have been a lot more. The fact that a game made in 2004 had better writing, character development, feminism, and emotion than a movie made in 2017 really does say volumes about how Star Wars has evolved -- and how it may go in the future.

[tommykaine]

Till Death Do Us Part ramblings

Now that I’ve been tinkering with the game for a bit (two days I have no shame) I feel that I can ramble a bit about it

Warnings for assorted spoilers under the cut and also mentions of things of distasteful nature due to the game in question

First things first I’m gonna get this out of the way because I know it’s just unescapable: whether this is “another BTD”, and just the general comparison that is bound to happen between the two BTD games and TDDUP.

My answer to that is no, it’s very much not “BTD 3 but with a different name”.

Yes, the “genre” is of the same nature, and the way the game functions is similar (but it’s a visual novel pretty much, all visual novels have multiple choices and different story outcomes at the end depending on previous choices). However, there are significant differences, enough to make me come to the conclusion that this is only superficially related to the first games.

Firstly, TDDUP is a lot more story-driven. You still have several choices, but there is a lot more reading involved than in the BTD games. Besides the amount of text, however, the main difference is with the MC:

In BTD, the MC was more or less a blank state. Yes, there was a hint of pre existing characterization (in BTD 1 we know they are a drinker and have trouble socializing) and some that would come up depending on the choices (in one route it comes up that the BTD 2 MC likes to paint, for example), but for the most part, you could imagine whatever backstory and it would fit.

In TDDUP, you still have room for your own headcanons and some degree of customization (name and gender - note that the gender option influences more than just pronouns/titles. If you want to headcanon the MC as a pre-op trans character you might want to pick the “they” option), but there is a whole pre-existing set-up that is different in each story.

So basically in BTD it was more like the MC was a self-insert/your own OC in a story, whereas in TDDUP it’s more like you are playing a pre-existing character.

Same with the relationships - in BTD, you’re just getting to know the guys, and even with the more “romantic” outcomes there is no pre-set relationship. In TDDUP, each pairing has a more specific setting. Either you’ve recently escaped a relationship with an obsessive partner who just can’t let you go, or you’re the main asshole in what ends up being a mutually destructive relationship, or you’re in a loving marriage that is suddenly shattered by a dangerous secret. The same is true in the scenarios with Aria and Ellen, albeit a bit less so in Ellen case as she knows about you but you barely do.

Another major difference is that in BTD, your “goal” was to survive (even if that was not the real goal for most of the players let’s be real ;) ). Most of the endings involved the MC being killed for failing, with a few harder to get ones where you get to survive (albeit how “good” of an ending you’d get was quite arguable). In TDDUP however, there isn’t really a “goal” towards getting any specific ending. In one of the routes it’s not possible to be killed in the first place so all endings are survival endings, in another there are a few death endings but they’re not necessarily the most likely endings you’re gonna get. So the “goal” is not really to survive, but to advance the story (or for a “final goal”, to unlock all the endings and get the bonus content, if you’re a completionist).

Finally, there is as far as I can tell no connection between the BTD characters and the TDDUP characters. Whereas in BTD 2, you had some characters being connected to and/or mentioning BTD 1 characters, so there was an explicit connection between the stories. In fact, TDDUP might not even take place in the same universe as the BTD games, as evidenced by the fact that there are no supernatural elements in it (even Strade, who was the closest to a “regular human” you’d get in the BTD universe aside from the MCs, had a supernatural creature as a pet).

There are some other differences (the obvious one being that this is @electricpuke’s fully own creation of course) but I think that these are the main ones that bring me to consider TDDUP as a completely different creation than the two BTD titles, rather than a spin off or a sequel in all but name.

Now that that’s out of the way, I’m gonna talk about some of my first impressions. Please note that this is all very subjective and mostly based on personal taste!

I’m also using pronouns based on which ones I picked in each route, as those are kind of my own “headcanon” for the situations, so it’s not gonna be gender neutral in all of them for that reason.

Also, this is where the most spoilery part starts, so be warned for that!

My first reaction was that I really loved the first endings I got for both Chris and Jack. They are also my two favourites out of the four characters, followed by Aria and Marcus. I don’t know why, but I just couldn’t get into Ellen (no pun intended). Her storyline just didn’t click with me for some reason.

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I think my absolute favourite storyline and pair out of the three might be the one with Jack (unfortunately he hates the memes - btw the first time I arrived at the “stab me daddy” option I was unable to continue for like 5 mins cause I was just stuck there laughing at it). I’m a sucker for fictional serial killers, and as unrealistic as that’d be IRL I love the “one exception” type of dynamic with a serial killer and another character. I really liked how Jack was genuinely in love with the MC, the fact that it wasn’t just an act for him to act like the caring husband. In my first playthrough with him my character was trying to reach out to his caring side, to still accept him to some degree, but in the end Jack couldn’t kill him nor keep him - therefore, the only thing he could do was leave. It was really sad, but I liked that ending the most. I was expecting to prefer the one where MC snaps and comes to love the twisted side of Jack (for example the survival ending in BTD 1 where MC snaps and joins Sano as a fellow killer is still my favorite one out of all the endings in that game) but I actually didn’t. I didn’t dislike it, but I didn’t love it either.

I just really like that the ending where he leaves was the closest Jack could get to a genuine love for his partner, as he realizes he cannot have him like he’d want to, and that MC will never see him in the same way he did before, but he doesn’t want to kill him to save himself from the consequences, so the only thing he can do is leave.

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The first ending I got with Chris (by the way I hadn’t understood from the warnings that the temperament referred to how MC acted, so I went in thinking “I kind of want my character to be a dick to him” and it turned out that was exactly the case, lol) was the one where he gets his revenge, then he just leaves. It felt like the best culmination of their dynamic, honestly. It just was doomed to not end well, and in the end it doesn’t - not because Chris kills MC or tells him off and says they both need help, but he just has had enough, and that’s it. There’s no closure, no lesson to learn, no attempt to salvage what’s left. MC destroyed what they had built together and was left with nothing, and no one to blame for that but himself - if he even could have the self-awareness to do that.

I also really like the ending where he decides to leave but explains you why, and you repent for your actions but too late, which is probably the closest thing to an actual good ending you can get in the entire game with any character. Arguably the one where you stay together and agree to work on your issues is the “actual good ending” but I’m honestly too jaded to believe it. In my opinion it’s just not going to work out, either MC is going to slip back into his old habits and Chris will either tolerate it or break it off, or if things go a bit better then they’re just gonna end up breaking up because they each bring out the worst in the other. It’s also why it’s not one of my favourites, even if I do like it. My third favourite is the one where Chris turns himself in, which is also the saddest in my opinion. MC doesn’t have the self awareness nor the care to realize their wrong-doings in years (unless someone else forces them to), yet Chris cannot cope with what he has done in maybe a couple days, he’d rather face the consequences of that and be done with it. You could argue there is a big disproportion between what Chris and MC did, but also consider that especially in Aria’s route it comes up that MC sexually assaults Chris, and we do not know whether MC has ever been physically abusive as well, plus MC has been abusing Chris for years whereas Chris snaps after years of mistreatment from pretty much everyone (not saying he’s right to be violent, in an IRL situation no one would be innocent, but in the contest of the story it’s hard to argue that Chris is the one to blame).

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I don’t love any of Aria’s endings to the same extent, but I do like her route nonetheless. I think my favourite ending is the one where you are trapped in her basement until you die and she wants both herself and Chris to forget about you. It’s just so tragic and twisted, plus it low-key references Poe so that’s a plus (I loved the Poe reference in BTD 2 too - sorry for comparing the games again but I’m just a sucker for this kind of thing, plus The Pit and The Pendulum is my favorite of Poe’s tales). I like how her confrontation of the MC comes both from a loving place but also from a selfish one - that’s why you don’t get any “good” endings in her route, not even a sad one. She never actually wants MC to do things right, she just wants her gone so that she can no longer hurt her brother, and she wants her to pay for what she has done.

I kind of would have liked to have a survival ending in which she keeps MC for herself but I definitely understand why that’s not an option. Probably wouldn’t have suited the storyline if there was.

Still, if there is ever a TDDUP 2 or another game involving murder husbandos/waifus, I’d love it if we got a femdom route with that option, JS ;P

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I liked Marcus’s route, but just not as much as the other ones. It’s the first one I tried, so if I didn’t like it at all I might not have been so inclined to play the others, but I think it just was overshadowed by how much I liked Jack’s and Chris’s routes. So it’s not like I can find any specific fault to it, I just loved the other ones too much, lol. I definitely liked John’s character too (he’s the one true Cinnamon Roll) and his relationship to the MC. Which works very well to make all of the outcomes for MC all the more tragic.

I like that there are ONLY survival endings to his route. MC doesn’t get to escape their fate, not even by dying. They *are* going to stay with Marcus whether they like it or not. The closest they can get to a “good” ending is by getting mindbroken and accepting the situation, which is arguably the “worst” ending you can possibly get as in all of the other ones MC does at least retain their determination.

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As I’ve mentione before, I’m not a great fan of Hellen. I think the ending I liked the most is the one where she lets MC go because she is now obsessed with both Jack and his wife. I don’t foresee a good future for MC there XDOverall, I just wasn’t as invested. I wonder if maybe if I had played her route before Jack I would have liked it more, as by that point I was so enamoured by the Jack/MC dynamic, and maybe I just saw her as getting in the way of that? No idea. I ended up using guides to get most of her endings to see if my opinion of her changed, but it didn’t make much of a difference, aside from the aforementioned survival ending.

That’s just me though, I’ve seen other posts from people who really liked her! I’m glad she’s there for those who do, I’m just not going to be one of her fans XD sorry.

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Overall, I really liked the game, might play around with it more (especially if I draw or write something with the characters), it definitely was an experience that I’d like to repeat and a great early Christmas surprise as I only found out about it the other day XD

I’ll definitely be looking forward to other games from EP, whether to continue from where this left off, or to see something new entirely. 

[thequietuptown]

Fear: my sexual fantasies. I get aroused by rape fantasies and thoughts about my physical pain. It makes me feel like a slut and I hate it.

Content warning: Those who find discussions of rape and sexual assault may find this article triggering.

Hello friend,

That sort of fear has the potential to shake you to your core. Our sexuality and sexual identity is something so intrinsically tied to the self and to privacy that when it shows us something that we fear, we begin to question our very being. It’s easy to get lost in that initial reaction of self-loathing and disgust. We can’t always control which dark corners our minds will wander to, just like we can’t always control our physical arousal response to stimuli. Those responses do not make us gross or slutty or evil. Really, all they show is that we are human and that we are alive. Especially if you are still able to tell the difference between fantasy and reality.

Sexual fantasies run the gamut because personalities and interests do. They range from outlandishly unrealistic to entirely plausible. Maybe you fantasize about a trans witch, her anthropomorphic dinosaur lover and a sentient motorcycle with a human head (yes, that’s a real thing. Seriously, the rabbit hole of self-published erotica available on the internet is a glorious exploration of the human condition). That’s totally okay! It’s probably never going to happen, but role playing can be a lot of fun.

The fantasies that you mentioned, though, are often more realistic and play on our sense of safety and control. I do want to caution how we talk about them, though.  While easily recognized as a “rape” fantasy, a more accurate term would be a non-consent fantasy or a forced sex fantasy. Rape is, by definition, sexual violence—a violation of the body and mind. Your sexual fantasies, while they might include elements of saying “no” or being bound or even physical harm to your body, are your fantasies, and are therefore empowering to your sexual identity. Sexual fantasies let you explore your sexuality. They are what allow us to find self-gratification on those cold and lonely winter nights without WiFi. We get to recall our fantasies through roleplay scenarios to make our sex lives even more fulfilling. This type of fantasy plays off of our feelings of sexual shame (if we’re saying we don’t want it, it’s not our fault when it happens and we enjoy it), and, because of that, we generally do not talk about it candidly. Rather than releasing ourselves from that shame, we internalize and we are disgusted by our own thoughts.

But this type of fantasy is incredibly common. A 2017 study (and seriously… PubMed is an amazing database of references and abstracts on life sciences and biomedical topics) showed that between 31% and 57% of women have fantasies in which they are forced into sex against their will. For 9% to 17% of those women, non-consent fantasies are their go to deposit in the spank bank. Another study, showed that 62% of women had had a non-consent fantasy at some point, and 14% reported that they had such a fantasy at least once a week. The cultural narrative would tell us that men fantasize more about domination than submission, and, while research does anecdotally support this, socialization isn’t absolute, and a person of any gender can embrace that desire to let go—to be seduced against our will or to be forced to have sex. It is a completely normal fantasy to explore.

It is understandable if those statistics make you uneasy. In real-life contexts, non-consent is deeply traumatizing. It is not at all sexy to feel that we have no sense of agency or safety in our daily lives. It is an intense violation that causes high levels of mental anguish and anxiety. It seems like there is some serious cognitive dissonance that we would use violent sex and non-consent as the basis for our sexual fantasies – but so many of us do.

It’s absolutely vital to note that while non-consent fantasies are common, this does not mean that anyone secretly wants to be raped. There is a huge difference between acted out role-play, imagined scenarios, pre-negotiated scenes and real-life experiences. No one asks to be raped, no one deserves to be raped, and how common forced sex fantasies are in no way justifies unwanted sexual contact of any nature. It is impossible to know exactly what these fantasies entail, because, they are going on in someone else’s mind. If you do choose to engage in a scene of consensual non-consent, pre-negotiation is absolutely mandatory and a safe-word must always be respected. Acting on these fantasies in real life requires an intrinsic trust with one’s partner and a thorough discussion before anything actually happens.

For some, fantasies of forced sex steered away from experiences that would be close to reality. Rather than lines of consent being crossed by friends or bosses, we fantasize about high drama situations in which we are forced to have sex to survive, entering into sexual contracts rather than having our right to consent taken away from us outright. We might share the relatively common fantasy of being kidnapped and held hostage, then having one of the guards forcing us into sex to survive, or we might fantasize about thieves breaking into our house and being so overwhelmed by our presence and attractiveness that they have to have sex with us against our will. In both of these relatively common scenarios, we start out by resisting the advances. Then we begin to enjoy the sex midway through, as pain and terror give way to pleasure. It is this relinquishing of control and giving in to desire that is the turn on, rather than the very real trauma of real-life sexual violence.

For others, though, these fantasies are more true to life. It may not be about feigned struggle, but imagining consent and control being ripped away as a major turn on. Why are so many of us aroused by forced sex when we’d be horrified of it in reality? Why do we find the idea of rejecting sex then being made to do it anyway a turn on? There are a few theories.

One theory is that it is an echo of the dominant narratives shown in our media-saturated world and masculine-controlled pornography. Our culture sells sex, and that vision of sex is a masculine man being dominant and losing control around a meek, diminutive and submissive woman or multiple women or parts of women or women acting as furniture or other objects. Our fantasies of non-consent are just an extension of that narrative—an internalized misogyny. Personally, I get that this might provide the framework, but it really seems like more is going on in those fantasies.

Another theory is that fantasies of nonconsensual sex can be boiled down to lingering guilt and shame around sexuality. Young people are taught to hide sexual feelings or encouraged to fit narrow gender stereotypes of the acceptable ways that sexuality can be expressed in society. This leads to feelings of deep-rooted guilt and shame in expressing one’s own sexual desire. Being forced in the fantasy allows freedom since what happens to us and what we enjoy are not our fault with that added level of narrative. It’s not us, it is a fantasy version of us that doesn’t have a choice. We can’t be ashamed if we don’t have a choice.

If it seems like I am belaboring this point, please recognize how important it is to be clear here. Just as having fantasies about being abducted by an insectoid alien queen and being penetrated by her ovipositor to become an incubator for the next generation of our future overlords doesn’t mean you want to quit your job and become an astronaut, fantasizing about non-consensual sex does not in any way mean that you want to experience sexual violence in real life. It does not make you less human. It does not make you a slut. All it does it make you aware of this particular branch of your sexual fantasies. One more time for the folks in the back: people who have fantasies of experiencing sexual violence do not want to experience real-life rape. Fantasies are not permission to do such a thing, and what people find erotic in their minds can be deeply distressing when played out in reality. Having fantasies about being raped also doesn’t make you a terrible feminist. It doesn’t mean anything about who you are as a person, other than that you’re a person, who occasionally fantasizes about non-consent.

You are also no more likely to experience non-consent fantasies if you are a survivor of sexual assault or rape – fantasies can come up for anyone, at any time in their lives – and, if you are a survivor of sexual violence, it is incredibly important to note that experiencing non-consent fantasies does not mean that their real-life experience was in any way less traumatic. While renegotiating a scene on your terms might be a very therapeutic way to process and heal from a traumatic event (whether through role reversal or putting yourself in a submissive role by choice), having a fantasy at a later date is not indicative  that what happened to you was somehow less traumatic. It’s important to understand your own feelings around fantasies of forced sex. If you’re enjoying them and are free of any guilt or discomfort, you don’t need to worry – fantasies of being forced to have sex are entirely normal and very common. If these thoughts feel intrusive, out of control, or distressing, though, then they’re no longer fun sexual fantasies – they’re an issue which needs resolving. Echoes of shame and guilt can often be addressed through open communication and understanding. But with that being said, though, if in the moment of fantasizing these fantasies are causing you distress, please seek professional help in the form of an understanding therapist. Fantasy is a tool for exploration. It is nothing to be ashamed of.  If you’ve established that your fantasies are just that – sexual fantasies well within your control, that you find arousing, not distressing – you should feel free to enjoy them.

It’s entirely normal to find something arousing when it is played out in the safety of your mind but upsetting in real life. It’s normal for your own mind to push the boundaries of your comfort zone, and it’s normal if being out of that comfort zone makes you uncomfortable. Don’t panic, and bring a towel. Don’t judge, and treat your mind as a safe space to explore your sexuality in whatever way tickles your fancy at a given moment. If you do want to role play, have that discussion with your partner(s) as openly and honestly as possible. A mind is a terrible thing to waste. Especially a sexy, sexy mind. So treat yourself. Let go, and enjoy.

With love, friend.

[wits-writing]

BOOKENDS: Morrison/Porter JLA

I wanted to do something Justice League related before the release of the movie this week. Part of me wanted to do a full reread and analysis of Grant Morrison and Howard Porter’s run on JLA, but I wouldn’t have the time. Only looking at one story arc from the run was something else I considered, but picking one story from one of my favorite comic runs wouldn’t give me as much space to talk about broader themes. So, this will be a little experiment.

Welcome to “Bookends”: A series of essays where I take the opening and closing stories from a longform serialized narrative in any medium talk about the story’s evolution over time and how each story works as a beginning/ending respectively.

I’ll be looking at JLA: New World Order and JLA: World War III from writer Grant Morrison and artist Howard Porter. Their JLA run gets touted as one of the best in the team’s 57-year history and it’s easy to see why, despite some problems I’ll get into later. In the aftermath of Crisis on Infinite Earths, due to some editorial problems about what was going on with different major characters in the new status quo of the DC Universe, they couldn’t start with the A-List heroes many expected on the team. The new Justice League book would start in 1987 and mostly be a team of second string heroes that would go on to be the basis of the fondly remembered Justice League International era. It wouldn’t be until 1997 that the group fans refer to as “The Big Seven”; Superman, Wonder Woman, Batman, The Flash, Aquaman, Green Lantern and Martian Manhunter, would take center stage of the new on-going Justice League of America comic.

[Full article under the cut]

The Series:

That comic, simply titled JLA, ended up being headlined by Morrison and Porter with inker John Dell. Part of Morrison’s reason for doing the book, which they state in their novel Supergods, was to remind publishers that they were capable of more mainstream work than the mind-bending fringe titles they were mainly known for at the time and still are to an extent. Their high-concept for the series was superheroes as larger than life mythical gods. Approaching the League this way lead to stories on a scale that usually gets reserved for event comics or multi-book crossovers as the order of the day for these adventures. Stories sent the League through space, into their own minds, the future and across dimensions and pitted them against foes both new and familiar. These stories also hit key points in Grant Morrison’s grand DC Comics metanarrative that plays at least a small part in every book they’ve done for the company.

These stories get as superhero as comics can be while still feeling accessible. New World Order, despite a little continuity cleanup from the previous Justice League run at the start, let’s the familiar iconography work to help the reader keep pace with everything going on.

The Beginning:

New World Order (JLA #1-4) shows the recently teamed-up Big Seven fighting against the threat of the Hyperclan, a team of alien superheroes, each with Superman-level powers of their own, claiming they’ll save humanity from the Earth’s environmental decline. It’s revealed quickly that the Hyperclan are up to no good as the JLA realize that facilities they’ve built on Earth are being used to send out mind control signals to humanity. The team splits up and goes across the globe to disable these devices to save the world. In the end, it’s revealed that the Hyperclan are the warmongering White Martians (making their first appearance in the DCU) and merely the forerunners to a larger invasion. The JLA stop the invasion before it begins by using the villains’ mental broadcast equipment against them to tell all of humanity about the Martian weakness to fire.

The Ending:

World War III (JLA #36-41) brings the run to an end with the JLA’s battle to stop the Anti-Sun Mageddon, an ancient cosmic weapon designed to kill gods. Before the League can take any pre-emptive actions, Lex Luthor’s Injustice Gang strikes at them. Meanwhile, the heroes of Earth are all brought in to manage the chaos on Earth caused by Mageddon’s influence. Elements from every story in the run, plus some Morrison material outside of it, leading up to this are brought in to add to the scale of this story, character arcs for individual members are concluded and a climax that brings into full view how much these superheroes have been able to do for humanity.

Parallels:

On the surface the main villains in these stories present different kinds of threats to the JLA. From theme to names to character design, the Hyperclan are perversions of what it means to be a superhero. Direct action on the issues facing humanity are a major part of how they initially sell themselves to humanity as faux-saviors. They turn deserts fertile and publicly execute supercriminals. Showy displays of “might makes right” force that Superman calls out as spectacle. Pitting the classic heroes of the DC Universe against characters that represent a modern take on the concept is a trick that didn’t start here and would go on to make other comebacks in future stories, notably in the Superman story “What’s So Funny About Truth, Justice and the American Way.” In the case of New World Order, the device is used to show why these superheroes shouldn’t simply use their powers to overhaul the Earth’s problems. It’s their job to be exemplars for the rest of humanity to follow and it’s a key theme throughout Morrison’s JLA that people can reach for those impossible heights and beyond. The Hyperclan underestimating what humans without powers, including Batman, are capable of ends up their undoing as Batman pieces together their Martian nature and uses it against them.

Mageddon in World War III presents the JLA with a threat that takes the capacity people have to stand stronger together and twist it to create chaos. The Anti-Sun’s form is never seen in full, the closest the story comes is a shot of what appears to be its face barely contained in a full-page spread with Earth in the foreground for scale. It’s a cosmic, existential threat as much as a physical one. For the first half of the story, Mageddon is only spoken of and the influence it has can be felt in everything the heroes are trying to stop. The first thing we see of this primordial weapon is the aftermath of its strike against the supergods of Wonder World, turning what was supposed to be existence’s first line of defense against each other and destroying themselves. The early parts of the story mainly consist of dealing with Mageddon’s slowly increasing influence over Earth with every nation on the planet prepared to go to war with each other. The other key threat in this story is Lex Luthor’s Injustice Gang, which includes himself, Prometheus (a villain created during this run), Queen Bee and General Eiling. They think they’re in control in their plot to destroy the League by sabotaging the moonbase Watchtower and take credit for the building conflicts on Earth, only for Luthor to discover they’re pawns under Mageddon’s influence. The Injustice Gang ultimately serve Mageddon’s purpose by keeping the League occupied during its approach.

Both threats are ultimately defeated through methods that reinforce the key theme of the JLA under Morrison and Porter, that superheroes are at their strongest when inspiring people to stand together. Humanity’s potential to become something greater recurs throughout Morrison’s body of work, probably taking on one of its more literal forms by the end of this run. The White Martians and Mageddon each work to undermine that potential. Protex, leader of the Hyperclan, refers to humanity as “stunted slaves” that should be ruled over by the superpowerful during his final showdown with Superman. The White Martian talks about how they were able to manipulate primordial life on Earth and humanity will never reach what they could’ve become. Superman understands that humanity believes in him and he believe in them. It’s why he needs to be the one who sends the message to humanity about how to exploit the White Martians’ weakness, so the invasion can end before it begins. Humanity can’t be forced into greatness, that can only be accomplished by a steady climb to always get better and the JLA will be there, as Superman puts it, “To catch them if they fall.”

How they’re ultimately able to defeat Mageddon comes back to this idea in a big way. Over the course of World War III, many forces that could help the League, including Heaven itself (I’ll get back to that), are already convinced that Mageddon���s assault spells the end for existence. The power in this massive ancient weapon brings even Superman to his knees when he tries to assault the Anti-Sun from the inside, subjecting him to the full force of existential dread and depression it broadcasts. Thanks to multiple elements from the Morrison/Porter’s JLA run, the League broadcasts their own signal that unlocks all of humanity’s dormant potential and none of them hesitate to help their heroes. It’s being told about humanity standing together against the end of existence that frees Superman from Mageddon’s influence and leads to them cancelling the apocalypse.

Superman and Batman’s friendship and respect for each other plays into both conflicts as well. In New World Order, Superman is certain the Hyperclan are going to lose the second he realizes they’re underestimating Batman, tying into the theme of that story. It’s because Batman works out the Hyperclan’s Martian nature that Superman can break out of a mental trap they’ve put him in. That gets paralleled in World War III when Bruce, using Martian Manhunter as a mental go-between, reminds Clark about why they fight against all odd in a universe that couldn’t care one way or another. This results in a great panel by Porter and Dell featuring a mental image of an amalgamated version of the tragedies that define Clark, Bruce and J’onn’s origins.

The similarities between the main threats of these stories and how they resolve was a key inspiration for why they serve as a testing ground for “Bookends.” New World Order ends with Superman affirming that they’ll always be there to pick humanity up and keep them on the path to become better. World War III resolves when Superman realizes that humanity will likewise be there for him if he ever fell. Morrison’s bibliography often comes back to the power of ideas over reality and the concepts of inspiration and belief in each other are the ideas that manage to save the world in JLA.

Development:

Most of the development over the course of this run occurs in Howard Porter’s art. His linework at the beginning reflects a lot of art trends of mid-90s superhero comics and not just because Superman sports his post-Death/Return mullet. It has a sharp angular quality that works in favor of dynamic action sequences and the designs of the Hyperclan members, especially once they revert to their white Martian forms. Character emotions and other beats are usually served for the worse. There are some key exceptions in New World Order, most notably the smile on Superman’s face when he realizes that the Hyperclan have underestimated Batman’s capabilities. By World War III Porter’s art shifts to an overall cleaner style, human figures are more evenly proportioned and expressions are more recognizable. Helping matters is that the inking by John Dell seems less heavy by the end of the run as well.

The shifts in Morrison’s writing style between stories are subtler, such as the lack of narrative captions to emphasize the mood of the scene by the time World War III begins. Otherwise the shifts aren’t as much in style as in what elements are brought into JLA between the beginning and the end. Morrison and Porter created multiple new concepts and characters through the run that make major comebacks by the end. New villains like the previously mentioned White Martians and Prometheus would go beyond this run to play key roles in other major DC Comics stories (for better or worse.) The run also got more cosmic as it ran on in the buildup to the final story, with concept like Wonder World and the enlistment of the New Gods, namely Big Barda and Orion, among the JLA’s membership. The lineup expansion also included new heroes like Zauriel, the angel who fell to Earth so he can protect the woman he loves, and Aztek, a Grant Morrison and Mark Millar created hero who was designed to stop Tezcatlipoca (which turns out to be one of Mageddon’s other names.)

Beyond new concepts and expansion into a cosmic scope, Morrison would also start bringing in elements from the DC Universe like Barbara Gordon as Oracle managing the JLA’s tactics, John Henry Irons as Steel working as the Watchtower’s main engineer, Helena Bertinelli as Huntress working to prove herself a hero to Batman, and finally Plastic Man. Even all of that is only the stuff introduced in this run that’s most relevant to the bookending stories. So much of this comes into play in World War III that there’s so many moving parts involved and how the story keeps transitioning between all of them can make losing track  in certain spots understandable.

The Big Seven themselves are mostly left to stand as the mythic icons Morrison intended them to be in this run, reacting to threats as they arise. The ones who show the clearest development between the two stories are Wally West as The Flash and Kyle Rayner as Green Lantern. Kyle Rayner was still a relatively new creation at the time of this series, first introduced a mere three years earlier, so his rookie status and having to live up to the legacy of Green Lantern are the main sources of internal conflict for him. Wally starts off the story incredulous at this young guy who’s taken up a major legacy out of nowhere, when he was a superhero for years before taking up the Flash’s cowl. Wally does manage to gain respect for Kyle as a teammate by the end and Kyle fully steps into the role of Green Lantern in World War III by stepping up to help lead the heroes of Earth against Mageddon.

Revisiting New World Order and World War III does a lot to reaffirm why these characters are so interesting when they’re allowed to exist in these stories on their own terms. They’re the types of stories that work best in a serialized format like superhero comics. People are weary of continuity for multiple reasons, some of which I’ve gone into here, but stories like the ones in the Morrison/Porter run on JLA are some of the best arguments in its favor. To paraphrase Kyle Kallgren’s video essay on Buckaroo Banzai, no other genre would try and no other audience could buy into it without the context continuity creates.

Morrison/Porter’s JLA ends one of my favorite ways for serialized narratives to end, a reminder that things don’t end. As they’re winding down from fighting against a godkilling weapon, they receive a new report that Doctor Destiny has a new plot brewing and spring back into action, even if it’s a smaller threat. I love this type of ending because in life, even when things seem to be at peace, we always have to face the next day and we have the strength to get through it.

[robin-hood-for-freedom]

I know this is old, and I actually did it a while back.  But I ran across it on Youtube recently, and I thought it was one of the more interesting/useful tests for privilege since it actually takes into account people’s experiences, rather than just declaring it based on what ‘groups’ they are in.  So I’m going to actually do what I should have done before and actually go through it an explain my answers.  

I am white:

Right off the bat, Yep.  Kind of hard to deny that.  

I have never been discriminated against because of my skin color:

Story time:  I had a job interview at a BBQ joint.  In fact one of the best in town.  The owner was black, as were most of the other employees.  When I met with the owner the first words out of his mouth were ‘So, what does a white boy like you know about bbq?’  I didnt get the job.  

Granted I cant definitively prove that his not hiring me was because i was white.  But lets reverse the roles here.  Suppose that a black man interviewed a white restaurant owner, and the very first words out of the owners mouth were ‘So what does a black guy like you know about italian food?’  I think we can all agree theres a bit of racism at play here.  

All of that is a very long winded way to say yes, I have.  

I have never been the only person of my race in a room

I sure have, multiple times.  

I have never been mocked for my accent:

I sure as fuck have.  When my dad first got out of the army I got mocked for having a ‘military’ accent(no, nobody called it that, but thats why), although I’v mostly lost that, I still get comments every time I talk to someone from outside of the northern Indiana/Michigian/Chicago area.  

It probably doesnt help that I have an absurdly high voice for a man.  

I have been told I’m attractive ‘for my race:’

Cant say I have

I have never been the victim of violence because of my race:

Nope

I have never been called a racial slur:

I have if you count ‘cracker’ and ‘mayo’ which I do.  

I have never been told I ‘sound white’

I have, but does it really count considering I AM white?  

A stranger has never asked to touch my hair, or asked if it was real:

No, thats never happened to me. 

I am heterosexual:

Yea, I guess.  

I have never lied about my sexuality

Cant say I have

I have never had to ‘come out’

No I have not.  

I have never doubted my parents acceptance of my sexuality:

My parents dont give a fuck.  

I have never been called a ‘fag’

I have actually, and in real life, not just by edgy internet trolls.

I have never been called a ‘dyke.’

Nope, never have.  

I have never been called a ‘fairy’ or other derogatory term for homosexuals

I’m assuming we’re not counting ‘fag?’  What about ‘cocksucker?’  I mean it would seem to refer to homosexuals, but its most often used as a general insult.  Does ‘gay’ count if its being used a derogatory manner?  

I’m probably overanalysing this, 

I have never tried to hide my sexuality:

True I havent.  

I am always comfortable with PDA with my partner in public:

Well no, not always.  I guess it also depends on how far we are talking too.  

I have never pretended to be ‘just friends’ with my significant other:

I have actually.  My parents didnt want me dating before I got a car, so when I was 14 I told them I was friends with a girl that I considered my girlfriend.  

I know thats probably not what the quizmakers had in mind, but fuck it, thats their problem, not mine.  

I have never been ostracized by my religion because of my sexuality:

No I have not.  

I have never been told I would ‘burn in hell’ for my sexual orientation

I guess it depends on how you look at it.  I mean I have been told I would burn in hell for having pre-marital sex.  But not simply for being heterosexual.

I’m gonna go ahead and say that doesnt count.  

I have never been told my sexuality is ‘just a phase’

Nope, thats never happened to me.  

I have never been violently threatened because of my sexuality:

I’v been violently threatened because people thought I was gay(even though I wasnt).  I’m gonna count that.  

I am a man:

I guess yea?  I mean I have a penis...

I feel comfortable with the gender I was born as

I mean I’v never felt uncomfortable with having a penis if thats what you are asking.  

I still identify as the gender I was born in:

I guess yea?  I mean I’v never really ‘identified’ as a man in any meaningful sense.  But I’v also never called myself anything else...

I have never tried to change my gender:

Nope.  Cant say I’v ever cared enough to bother.  

I make more money than my professional counterparts of a different gender.

I actually dont know any other female doughnut chefs.  When I worked as a head chef, the women I knew were making comparable pay to myself.  So no.  

I have never been denied an opportunity because of my gender:

Not that I’m aware of.  

I have never been catcalled:

I have actually.  Only once, but still....

I have never been sexually harassed or assaulted:

Sexually harassed, yes.  

I have never been raped

No I have not.  

I work in a salaried job

Not anymore I dont.  

My family and I have never lived below the poverty line

Oh yes we have.  

I dont have any student loans:

I dont.  But I have to question whether this is really a sign of ‘privilege’  Since the reason I dont isnt because mommy and daddy paid for my schooling(nor could they have), but because I didnt go to a full university, opting instead to go to a local community college.  Meaning I took on a lot less student debt.  

By this logic, somebody who never went to any higher education is even more privileged than me, since they’ll never have any student debt.  And I’m not sure thats entirely accurate  

I have never gone to bed hungry

I have, not very often, but yes.  

I have never been homeless

I have not.  

My parents pay some/all of my bills:

my parents dont pay shit for me.  

I dont rely on public transportation:

Yea I have my own car.  

I buy new clothes at least once a month:

No.  I mean, to be fair, its more out of lazyness/cheapness than inability, but still...

I have never done my taxes myself:

I still do my own taxes, what the fuck you talking about?

I have never felt poor:

Fuck yea I have.  

I have never had to worry about making rent:

Sure as hell have, on many, many occasions

I have never worked as a waiter, bartender, barista or salesperson

How the fuck did you miss cashier/customer service in this question?  I’v done that, but not any of those other specific jobs.  

I’v had unpaid internships:

Nope.  Never.  

I went to summer camp:

Once.  

I went to private school:

nope

I graduated high school

Yep.  

I went to an elite college:

Hell no.  See my point about student loans above

I graduated college:

Yep.  

My parents paid(at least some of) my tuition:

Nope.  

I had a car in high school:

For one year, until I wrecked it.  

I’v never had a roommate

Does a wife/girlfriend count?  probably not.  

I’ve always had cable:

I dont have cable now.  

I have traveled internationally:

Does living in Germany as part of a military family count?  Probably not.  

I’v never skipped a meal to save money:

I have.  Not very often, but yes.  

I dont know what ‘Sallie mae’ is

Isnt this just another way of asking about the student loan thing?

I spent spring breaks abroad:

My spring breaks have always consisted of sleeping in and playing way too many video games.  

I have frequent flier miles:

Nope

My parents are heterosexual:

Pretty sure.  I mean its always possible that one(or both) of them have just been REALLY deep in the closet or all these years.  

my parents are both alive:

Yep

My parents are still married:

I’m assuming you mean to each other.  But either way, yes.  

I do not any physical disabilities:

I have a rod in my leg where I broke it a few years back.  Still gives me pain and causes me to limp.  Its not really a big deal, especially compared to say, what my wife has, but I’m gonna count because why hte fuck not?

Also glasses.  I cant see shit without them

I dont have any social disabilities:

I mean, I’m EXTREMELY introverted, which can make social interactions difficult for me.  I dont know if that counts as a ‘disability.’  Eh, since i counted the last one, I’m not gonna count this one.

I do not have any learning disabilities:

I do not.  

I have never had an eating disorder:

I have not.  

I have never been depressed:

I’m assuming you mean clinically.  You’d have to be some sort of psychopath to have never been depressed in the non-clinical sense.  I’v been clinically depressed.  

I have never considered suicide:

I have actually.  I dont know if I was ever really serious about it.  But it has crossed my mind.  

I have never attempted suicide:

Thankfully I Have not.  

I have never taken medication for my mental health:

cant say I have.  

I can afford medication when/if I need it:

I have insurance that helps.  Theres no way in hell I could afford it without insurance.  

I have never been told I’m overweight or ‘too skinny’

Oh I’m overweight all right.  

I have never felt overweight or ‘too skinny’

Oh I know I’m overweight.  

I have never been shamed for my body type:

I sure as hell have.  

I consider myself to be physically attractive.  

I dont really think about it all that much myself.  I mean, my wife thinks I’m attractive and thats whats most important to me.  

I can afford a therapist.

I honestly have no idea, as I’v never had cause to look into it.  I dont think my insurance covers it.  

I’v used prescription drugs recreationaly:

Nope, not my thing.  

I’ve never had an addiction:

Does caffeine count?  I’m gonna say it does.  

I have never been shamed for my religious beliefs:

Oh I have.  You’d be surprised how much the ‘Jesus kids’ get mocked even in so-called flyover states

I’v never been violent threatened for my religious beliefs:

Do online  threats count? who am I kidding of course they do.  

I have been violently attacked for my religious beliefs:

Okay, thats never happened

There is a place of worship for my religion in my town:

I went ahead and said yes.  But if I’m being honest, there arent any churches that teach the type of theology I’v adopted over the years.  

I’v never lied about my ethnicity/religion as self defense:

No, I mean I have lied about them for trolling purposes.  But  thats not really the same thing.  

All my jobs have been accommodating of my religious practices:

Thats one thing that sucks about working resturant business.  I have to work every holiday.  

I am not nervous in airport security lines

I cant say how I feel in airport security lines.  Because I’v never been in one.  I didnt count it because the fact that I havent flown indicates to me a lack of privilege.  

I have never heard this statement: “ you have been randomly selected for secondary passport control”

I havent.  But I’m not really sure thats an indicator of privilege.  See my above answer.  

I have never been called a terrorist:

Well not personally.  But gamers and gamergaters generally have been called terrorists, even worse than Isis.  Its actually kind of surprising that nobody has singled me out to be honest.  

Nobody has ever tried to ‘save’ me because of my religious beliefs:

I actually have had people preach at me because I wasnt the ‘right kind’ of Christian.  

I have never been cyber-bullied for any of my identities:

I have actually

I wasnt bullied as a child for any of my identities:

I was actually

I have never tried to distance myself from any of my identities:

Cant say I’v consciously done so.  

I’v never been self-conscious of any of my identities:

I left this one and the next one off because they are too vague for me to give a concrete answer to.  

I feel privileged because of the identities I was born with

Cant say I do.  

And the final results are:

You live with 46 out of 100 points of privilege.

You’re not privileged at all. You grew up with an intersectional, complicated identity, and life never let you forget it. You’ve had your fair share of struggles, and you’ve worked hard to overcome them. We do not live in an ideal world and you had to learn that the hard way. It is not your responsibility to educate those with more advantages than you, but if you decide you want to, go ahead and send them this quiz. Hopefully it will help.

[truemedian]

Final Fantasy 7 Remake Preview: The First 3 Hours, Tifa And Aerith Combat, And More

All aboard for Seventh Heaven.

By Edmond Tran | @EdmondTran on March 2, 2020 at 3:36PM PST GameSpot may get a commission from retail offers. Seeing the reimagined opening of Final Fantasy VII Remake for the first time really is something special, if the original is something you're familiar with. The establishing shots of Midgar, the train, the first couple of battles--there's definitely an unavoidable nostalgia, no matter how reserved and wary you're trying to be. I'd certainly been very skeptical about how Remake was going to turn out, and that's partially on me--I generally avoid watching pre-release coverage of things I know I want to experience myself. But after getting the chance to spend somewhere between three and four hours playing the first two chapters and some mid-game stuff, I'm feeling much better about letting myself be very excited about Remake's impending release.You're likely already aware that Square Enix is blowing out the Final Fantasy VII saga to encompass multiple releases. The first part is set solely in the corporate-owned slums of Midgar, ending when your party leaves the city, and will extrapolate greatly on the beats of the original. Having started a replay of the PS1 FF7 shortly before I dove into the first few hours of Remake, it's a little shocking how much more detailed the new game feels. The original Final Fantasy VII was in no way a small or unambitious game, but if I were to imagine the same kind of treatment being given to the rest of VII--well, I hope I live to see it all happen.A big part of the joy, of course, is simply seeing a more realistic depiction of a Midgar you likely know, and from all angles. There's a big nostalgia factor, naturally--jumping off the train for the first time is pretty cool. But there's a lot more about the setting that was never present in the original, and that certainly brings a feeling of curious wonder about something completely new. You can look up and see the plate far above, which physically separates the city's rich from poor. The streets are populated with people, shopfronts, and ads for hair gel, giving the city a kind of character I never thought about it having.Similarly, scenes that fly by in a minute in the original are expanded on for almost an hour. We encountered a handful of 'slow walk' scenes where the game spends time fostering a particular tone and atmosphere as it forces you to take a closer look at the aftermath of events through the city, listen to the citizens, and delve into Cloud's fragile psyche. Speaking to Yoshinori Kitase, a producer on Remake and director on the original Final Fantasy VII, he pointed out that this would be the first time fans will see a greener, more unsure and inexperienced Cloud in this kind of realistic detail, and that's something they paid a lot of attention to--the Cloud we saw in Advent Children and other supplementary Final Fantasy VII material in the years after the original release was far more hardened after the dramatic events of the game.But the most notable example of expansion I saw in Remake was the entirety of Chapter 2, wherein Cloud, Barrett, and the rest of Avalanche split up, agreeing to rendezvous back at the train. Fans are used to seeing short scenes of Cloud running through the city streets, nonchalantly bumping into a seemingly inconsequential flower girl, and quickly being backed into a corner by Shinra guards before making a daring escape.In Remake, a lot more focus and attention is given to that seemingly inconsequential flower girl. Cloud converses with her for longer, the two get into a bit of trouble with the guards, and there's a very curious and unexpected wrinkle complicating things. Kitase mentioned that the development team did some research into scenes fans found particularly memorable from the original game, wanting to make sure they had some extra consideration in Remake. This feels like one of the results, but personally, the expanded flower girl scene was one of the points in the demo where I was left feeling a bit unsure--something I'll only be able to resolve once I see where it goes in the full game.Following this scene, Cloud's originally quick escape from guards is extended out into an exploratory segment where you're asked to move through the streets and rooftops of Midgar, trying to find your way to the meeting point. It feels primarily like a chance for you to get a better feel for the new tactical real-time combat system with more challenging enemies. The defacto 'boss' enemy of this area is a named elite unit called "The Huntsman," an incredibly defensive shield unit who forces you to get used to dealing positional damage--you either have to distract him long enough to hit him from behind, or do what I do and perfect your parrying and countering skills to stagger him. At this early stage, and in my short time with the game, I was more than happy to spend time exploring every nook and cranny I could, finding out-of-the-way chests with equipment and Materia upgrades for Cloud, and just marvelling at a Midgar I hadn't seen before.

But my biggest worry comes from wondering about the full game's pacing, and the ifs and whens of whether roaming around expanded city streets and Mako reactors for the sake of a seamless Midgar will get tedious. These worries crept into my mind a few times during my hours with the game--when I was asked to wait for laser grids to momentarily come down before dashing across, when I had to hunt for keycards three different times before progressing, after climbing up my 20th ladder. I expect some roadblocks and puzzles, and the sequence where Cloud has to pull levers synchronously with Tifa and Barret was nice to see again (with additional unbridled enthusiasm from Barret), but I really hope there isn't too much busywork placed between major beats.But the thing that I just couldn't get enough of, the part of Remake I'm dying to go back to, is the tactical real-time combat system. It's accessible. It's complex. It's flashy, it's challenging, and best of all, it has a good heft to it, a good feel.If you've been following the reveal, you know have some idea about how it works: There's a lot of focus on blocking and dodging, regular attacks are mapped to the Square button, and when you're using melee characters like Tifa or Cloud, individual strikes are linked to discrete button presses. Characters with long-range weapons, like Barret's gun arm or Aerith's magic staff, require you to hold down Square for sustained fire. Sustaining attacks will build up segments of your ATB meter, at which point you can spend the segments on abilities and spells (which still require MP).You can activate spells and abilities in two ways: the first by assigning them to shortcut commands (L1 in tandem with the face buttons), allowing you to trigger them instantaneously, which allows you to seamlessly combo into them from your regular strikes. Played this way, Remake's combat can feel closer to a character action game, ala Devil May Cry. The second method is to hit a button to slow down time to a crawl, allowing you to more casually peruse a menu in order to weigh up the option available to you, and target them more specifically.

Even given the game's huge focus on action in combat, I found that when playing some of the mid-game content, at which point your characters have dozens of skills, spells, and items under their belts, the tactical pause option is vital to make the most out of your assault. Slowing down time lets you squeeze out advantages without faltering for a second--taking advantage of elemental weaknesses, piling enough pressure onto enemies to lock them down, and making sure your positioning is optimal. To me, it evokes the same kinds of feelings of playing an intense FTL scenario.This is especially true in boss fights. Those familiar with FFVII might recall the Air Buster fight, which takes place in Chapter 7 of Remake, where your team of Cloud, Barret, and Tifa are separated by the boss itself. I had to constantly switch between characters to make sure they were mitigating as much damage as possible when they were being targeted (with abilities like Barret's Steelskin and plenty of heals) while pressing the advantage when they had the opportunity to attack Air Buster from behind. Your party members will behave of their own accord when you're not directly in control, but they won't be as effective, and won't build up their ATB meters as quickly. During regular battles, I found it was usually okay to just stick to my preferred character (Tifa, of course), but making sure you're optimizing your plan of attack during boss battles, where the dynamic can change dramatically on a dime, is a tense and welcome challenge in Remake's combat. Summonable creatures (like Ifrit, Shiva, and Leviathan) act like extra party members when called upon, attacking of their own accord for a limited time. Anyone who has ATB meter to spend can use it to trigger one of the summoned creature's special abilities, and once time is up, the summon will perform their big, cinematic attack before disappearing.I was pleasantly surprised by how different each character feels to use. Not just because of melee vs. ranged weapon preference and abilities, but also the innate secondary skills each one has. Pressing Triangle with Cloud will switch his sword stance, for instance, giving him access to stronger hits and the ability to counter at the cost of his dodge. For Barret, however, Triangle is a single charged shot that does a huge amount of damage but has a long cooldown. Tifa has a Whirling Uppercut with a short cooldown that becomes a frequent part of her combo toolkit as she gets in close, and Aerith has a ranged ability called Tempest that gets more powerful the longer you hold the button to charge it, at the cost of, well, doing anything else.

The short time I did get to use Aerith in battle was the most divergent experience of the four. The last portion of the game I got to play was the fight with Abzu in the sewers, which takes place in Remake's 10th chapter. Abzu is ferocious, pouncing all over the arena and unleashing huge area-of-effect attacks. Focusing your efforts as Aerith during this fight felt necessary because of how devastating Abzu can be. Staying far away from danger zones and repositioning when necessary, I spent most of my time laying down buffs, debuffs, and regular heals to avoid having to frantically throw Phoenix Downs around to revive everyone one by one. When things were generally okay, it was a matter of working out how long I could charge my Tempest ability for a big hit without getting interrupted. This supporting role is the kind of action that can really stall the momentum of a fight in a turn-based scenario, but with the constant dangers of Remake's real-time combat, even the act of keeping everyone alive can be thrilling.And with all that Remake experience now under my belt, it's the constant thrill and excitement of combat that makes me happy to charge headlong into any and all battles the game wants to throw at me. I may have come away with some hesitations about how the structure of Remake's first part might shake out in the full game, but so long as the fights keep coming, I think I'm going to have a buster of a good time.Have any questions about the Final Fantasy VII Remake content we saw? Leave it in the comments below and we'll answer what we can. For more coverage, read our interview with Yoshinori Kitase, director of the original Final Fantasy VII and a producer on Remake. Want us to remember this setting for all your devices? Sign up or Sign in now! Please use a html5 video capable browser to watch videos. This video has an invalid file format. Sorry, but you can't access this content! Now Playing: We Played 4 Hours of Final Fantasy 7 Remake | Here's What We Saw Got a news tip or want to contact us directly? Email news@gamespot.com Read More Read the full article

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Parallel Universes: Science Fiction or Science Fact?

I decided to sit down at my computer and start writing this article on parallel universes. Of course, picking this topic was entirely my own choice, and I could just as easily have chosen an entirely different topic instead. For example, I could be writing now about how the new findings at the Göbekli Tepe site have radically changed the things we know about our history. Maybe I could be writing about how the human ageing process can be slowed down through genetic manipulation or about how our civilization will suffer if we fail to develop alternative energy sources. If any of these had been the case, you would not be reading an article on parallel universes but another one instead. Maybe you wouldn’t care and just flip through the pages without reading it. All of these examples describe the successive series of possibilities that are connected to our choices at any given moment of our daily lives. So, could there be a parallel reality where I chose to write about another topic? Is there another one depending on whether you chose to read it or not? Is there a copy of you in another parallel world who, rather than reading this article, decides to go for a walk or see a new movie instead? When we put it this way, the question seems odd to us, but most of us use similar phrases all the time: “If I’d accepted that job offer, I would have been in a better position now and earning a better salary. I made the wrong choice.” “If my son had not insisted on going to that concert, he wouldn’t have been in that bus accident. He would still be alive.” “If my favorite sports team had done things a little differently, they could have been champions now, and I would’ve made a stack of cash on that bet. They didn’t, though, dashing the dream of them being champions and flushing my bet down the drain.” “If I’d listened to my friend’s warnings and sold that company’s stock, my losses would’ve been much less. That mistake cost me dearly.” In the flow of the life, we frequently face situations where we need to make choices. These choices sometimes seem insignificant and ordinary, and other times, the choice we make creates a breaking point in our lives that we did not foresee. The reality we live in right now is formed from the direct consequences of our choices and decisions. Before we make a choice, we see a composite image of the multiple possibilities, but usually we cannot clearly see what the direct consequences of our choices will be. The reality only becomes solid when we make a choice and encounter its consequences. Take for example the years before you graduate from high school. If you’re wondering whether to study medicine or engineering, you will only see what one of these will bring when you actually choose, because the situation then becomes your reality. Before you choose, only possibilities and uncertainties show themselves. At this point, a question surely pops up: At the point of a decision, is it possible there is a different reality for each possible choice where its consequences are encountered? To put it another way, in the earlier example of someone who regretted turning down a job, did he accept it in a different reality and live a very different life? Could the son who wanted to go to a concert still be alive in another reality, because he decided not to go and never boarded that doomed bus? Maybe the bus never crashed at all because he didn’t get on it. Is there another reality where your favorite sports team made better choices and won the championship? Could there be an alternative reality where the person who invested badly chose a different stock instead, ending up rich instead of bankrupt? These questions reside in the area of parallel universes, a tempting and exciting topic that has been dear to sci-fi writers for some time. The main principal of this attractive theme is simple:  The situation in which a choice is made is just one branch of the tree of multiple possibilities. In other words, the resulting reality excludes all the other possibilities, yet all of the choices facing you become realized independently of each other. These other choices become realized in other planes of an unending multiverse system. Parallel universes in pop culture In popular culture, such as sci-fi or fantasy movies and books, choices and decisions sometimes determine splits that happen in someone’s personal life, just like in the above examples. The movie Sliding Doors, starring Gwyneth Paltrow, is one such movie. Paltrow’s character, Helen, arrives at the PR firm she works for and learns she’s fired. She journeys home, feeling down, and we watch the interesting split that emerges when Helen either catches the subway train or misses it. If she catches it, she arrives home early and catches her boyfriend cheating on her with another woman. In this case, Helen dumps the boyfriend, finds a new job, and moves on with her life. If she missed the train, however, she never catches her boyfriend “in the act,” so she continues with this pointless relationship with a cheating lover and lives an unpleasant life. Before our eyes, the movie unravels two different parallel universes where each of these possibilities becomes realized from the time of the event. Some other works based on this theme focus not on the small details in individual lives but rather on parallel outcomes that affect nations and even the whole world. For example, The Man in the High Castle, by the well-known sci-fi writer Philip K. Dick, takes the determining event of World War II to a parallel reality. In Dick’s book, changes in pre-war events lead to the war being won by the Axis Powers (Nazi Germany, Imperial Japan, and Fascist Italy) rather than the Allied Forces, and the face of the world is considerably different. In this story, Japan rules over Australia and New Zealand and most of the Far East, while Germany rules western Asia and much of Europe,  with Italy ruling over many of the Mediterranean regions. The USA has been torn apart by the victors and turned into a puppet federation. In his book, Philip K. Dick tries to question what our planet would have turned into by pointing out the alternative consequences of World War 2, something that strongly affected the current reality of our world. We see a similar approach in a 1992 novel by Harry Turtledove, The Guns of the South. A group of white, racist South Africans travel back in time to the fierce days of the American Civil War. They bring aid to the commander of the Confederate Army, General Robert E. Lee, in the form of AK-47 assault rifles and nitroglycerin tablets to treat General Lee’s heart condition. Thanks to this decisive aid, reality as we know it is changed, and the war is now won by the Confederacy. Of course, the consequences of this split change not only the visage of America but also of the whole world. In Turtledove’s fiction, a parallel universe is constructed where the Confederate Army has won the American Civil War, and the subsequent political developments follow in accordance with this critical difference. For those eager to wander through the labyrinths of history and ponder on other alternatives that could have changed the current reality of the world, is it possible not to consider what kind of a world would result? For example, take the situation of 4th century Rome: Emperor Julian, who became sole emperor after the death of Constantius II, decided to restore the ancient belief system and denounce Christianity, which had recently become the “official religion.” He was such a powerful and influential leader that he could enforce this transformation through determination. As he was about to successfully achieve this, however, he died unexpectedly during the Persian campaign. (According to some sources, this was an assassination planned by his opponents.) This changed everything. His opponents, who then ruled in Rome, not only reinstated Christianity as the official religion, but they also banned all other ancient beliefs, temples, and rituals. This transformation marked the beginning of the Dark Ages, which probably would have not happened at all if Julian had not died during the Persian campaign. Rome, and much of the known world, would have progressed in a completely different direction. Rather than churches and cathedrals, imagine European cities with magnificent temples dedicated to Mithra, Juno, or Cybele. These changes would not have been limited to architectural buildings and belief systems—they would have affected our sense of philosophy, which would be very different to what it is today. Speculation and mental gymnastics begin when we say things like, “What if that event had ended with a different outcome.” It’s one thing when we talk about the existence of multiple universes—the multiverse is another thing entirely. The multiverse is an infinite number of universes where every possible option becomes realized. We live different lives in some of them, but we were never born at all in most of them. Taking this further, assume that in many of these universes, the principles and laws are different from in our current reality. Now, do our “natural laws” prevail? This rather challenges the limits of our minds, doesn’t it? This way of thinking is not just the fantasy of imaginative sci-fi writers— it’s also is fed by theories in modern physics. Looking at the books and movies with sci-fi themes, we may mistakenly assume this thinking belongs to recent history only. We might also think that it started during the nineteenth century, when the momentum of science and technology started to gather and there were favorable environments where fantastic ideas (think of Jules Verne and H.G. Wells) were able to germinate in our cultures. However, this is not the case. Surprisingly, the history of concepts like multiple worlds and parallel universes goes back ages, even millennia. The idea of parallel universes: A brief history Roughly 2,500 years ago, philosophers (known then as “atomists”) in ancient Greece proposed the hypothesis of multiple universes. They theorized that the system we live in couldn’t be the only universe possible. According to them, each universe stands apart from ours and has its own closed structure with its own stars and so on. They believed a great many universes went through their own processes at distances we couldn’t imagine, so there was no way to validate their existence. These independent universes, which have no contact and connection with each other, are parts of a multiversal system with an infinite size. If you think that time was too early for such a radical idea, let’s continue by saying that at least 3,500 years ago, a similar thought structure emerged in Hindu culture: Vedic cosmology. It’s likely that it actually originated much earlier. Its rich mythologies, which are interwoven with colorful stories, talk about many different universes existing separately. Some of these universes are similar, while others display completely different features. Even if there is no proof of its similarity with the parallel universes idea, the fact that the concept of multiple universes appeared in ancient thinking is certainly interesting enough. Well, when did this brave and radical thinking change occur? And when did the idea of “there is only one universe” emerge? The general consensus is that this approach was proposed by Aristotle in Ancient Greece. The universe we are in, according to Aristotle, is the one and only and has no other alternative. This “unique universe” model, which was embraced by the theologians of the following centuries, is in harmony with religious dogma, because it places the world and its special inhabitants, us, in a privileged position. We know the belief that God created just this special, one-of-a-kind universe has been eagerly embraced and promoted by religious authorities, so it ruled in Western philosophies for some time. Even so, it could not completely prevent discussions about multiple universes among the theologians of the middle ages. It’s possible that a paradigm shift started in the 18th century with the Age of Enlightenment. The old model of the universe, which is geocentric, assumes that all celestial objects revolve around the Earth. It started to be discredited with the developments in astronomy in the 16th century, yet the concept of a single universe prevailed for a few more centuries. Thomas Lepetier, a historian and philosopher of science, says in his book Univers Paralleles that the first thinker who elaborated upon the concept of the multiverse, as we understand it now, was not a physicist or astronomer but rather Auguste Blanqui, a well-known French socialist. As one of the leaders of The Paris Commune of 1871, he had been arrested just before the uprising and imprisoned at Taureau Castle. This famous socialist spent his time in prison by pondering astronomy, which he believed “was central to everything.” He wrote his work Eternity by the Stars, in which we encounter the first striking elaboration on the idea of parallel universes. As he worked in his cell, he considered there are an infinite number of Blanquis, existing simultaneously in separate universes and making a different decision at each different option. He theorized that these Blanquis advance on completely different life paths within the countless branches of the tree of possibility, and he tries to formulate this model. The book, which he completed in prison, presents the idea that “there is an endless number of universes, distinct from each other, where at each moment, each possibility is actualized.” Lepeltier says in his book, “It is possible to observe that this thesis became a current issue again in the late 20th century... and it is emerging not from the depths of a dungeon anymore but from the most prestigious universities in the world. Its strongest advocates now come from Cambridge, Oxford and Princeton.” Science, not fantasy When we touch upon the topic of parallel universes, we’re no longer talking about the fantasies of sci-fi but rather the theories and studies of the leading physicists of our time. Especially after the dizzying developments that particle physics has gone through in the last generation, the idea of a multiverse where every possibility is actualized at every moment is central to one of the leading theories. Certainly, when defining parallel universes, physicists prefer not to use the superficial approach I‘ve used to spice this article up. They strive to explain this extremely important issue through long, complicated formulas or experimental results that are beyond a layman’s understanding. Nevertheless, whether using the hardcore scientific approach or my choice of lighter examples, the consequence that matters most to us remains: Even if it‘s not yet completely proven, it’s likely we live in one component of the highly complicated system we call the multiverse. From the discussion in the halls of theoretical physics to the daily conversations or the imaginative tracks of sci-fi, this concept can be called by other names: parallel universes, quantum universes, alternate universes, parallel worlds, or alternative realities. As you can imagine, the various theories in this area are numerous. The Many Worlds Interpretation, also know by its popular acronym MWI, was developed by Hugh Everett of Princeton University in 1957. It was one of the breakthrough theories of the time. Starting in the 60s, it was developed through the contribution of physicists from all over the world. In a nutshell, the MWI talks about “a complicated structure where all possible pasts and futures are real and each represents a separate world or universe.” It’s similar to the concept of distinct universes, where each possible choice is realized. In other words, the previous understanding of reality as a single, unchanging linear history was radically changed by the MWI. It’s useful to point out the names of two prominent experts in this field: Michio Kaku and Brian Greene. They stand out not only because of their studies into the structure of multiple universes but also because of their successful books, which translate these complex subjects into something everyone can understand. In particular, Greene’s book The Hidden Reality: Parallel Universes and the Deep Laws of the Cosmos is one of the most impressive works of this decade in this field. As you’ve no doubt noticed, this is only an introduction to this subject. We haven’t yet said anything about the flashy developments in the quantum world that support the existence of parallel universes. So, let’s just accept this as a beginning and resolve to continue our journey into parallel universes later. After all, maybe we’ve already done this in a parallel reality. Who knows? Read the full article

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Top hair fall treatment Secrets

日本語で入力: 面白いものを使い、髪を生やす方法にはどのようなものがありますか？（玉ねぎエキスなど） Again, most shampoos that assert to halt hair loss and grow new hair are absolutely nothing a lot more than snake oil. Stay with components that happen to be clinically proven to work and backed by scientific review. Gonzalo Arroyo Moreno/Getty Photographs 19/ The other established choice for men may be the oral pill finasteride, known by its brand name identify Propecia. The drug can halt hair loss and promote hair growth, nevertheless it has some Unintended effects. Once you rub fingernails briskly in opposition to each other, for about 10 minutes on a daily basis, it stimulates hair growth and would make your hair healthy and powerful. In a lot of people, scalp hair growth will halt resulting from follicle devitalization following reaching a duration of frequently two or 3 feet. Exceptions to this rule can be noticed in people today with hair growth abnormalities, which can induce an abnormal length of hair growth. Chemotherapy[edit] If you’re a guy who hasn’t discovered how to use hair gel but, it would be a fantastic time to figure out ... Why does little herbs youtube videos eliminate his / her hair? When it comes to getting causes about why a person get rid of their hair there are many good reasons that are available. It appears to be a far more comprehensive shampoo overall, apart from the hair loss elements. My First considered is always to go together with a combination of Large five and Nizoral. Whenever a stem mobile divides, each new daughter cell has the likely possibly to stay a stem cell or develop into A different form of cell with a more specialized perform depending on the prerequisite in almost any part/tissue of your body. If you want high-top quality brands, we’ve place collectively a list of the greatest hair loss and regrowth shampoos for men that do the job, starting off with Ultrax Labs Hair Surge. These anti-hair loss and stimulating shampoos are examined to obtain positive benefits, and keep on to continuously rank among the finest-rated solutions available in the market. Check out our guideline under to locate testimonials of the best shampoos for thinning hair and balding Guys! If Rogaine along with other hair growth products and solutions aren’t Doing work for you personally, Ketoconazole just could possibly. In the same way, you are able to often use a shampoo in conjunction with a prescription item For extra security. The end result is usually a strong method that nourishes your hair to stop breakage or thinning. Castor oil also stops bacteria and dandruff from accumulating on the scalp, which means you don’t have to bother with any pesky dandruff and flakes displaying up. The strategy for implementing hair loss shampoo is the same as normal shampoo, i.e., you apply it to moist hair, therapeutic massage it in to the scalp and rinse it. Even though modern-day folklore, and perhaps some limited scientific scientific studies, have proposed the mother's facet in the spouse and children is basically answerable for a genetic predisposition toward baldness, the reality is balding isn't all our mothers' fault.

How hair growth vitamins can Save You Time, Stress, and Money.

Maintain your hair treatment so simple as probable. You may pre-affliction your hair with coconut or almond oil after which you can shampoo. Moreover, step to remedies could switch the conditioner with plant infusion or hair rinse (see another stage). Neither group noticed improvement with the 3-thirty day period mark, but considerable improvement was pointed out at 6 months. Soon after two months return to your regular eating plan, besides double the quantity of dairy you Generally eat for three times. Remember not to alter every other every day routines over this period so we are able to isolate the allergic reaction As proven down below, the Minoxidil-handled team experienced the next number of hair follicles than the other a few treatment approaches. Once you head massage, it stimulates the scalp circulation and provides with it far more oxygen and nutrients for the hair follicles. click here suggests your hair will grow more healthy and more robust. And, with expenses comparable to Individuals of a hair transplant, hair cloning could turn into a top option for those individuals who are searhing for a procedural treatment choice. What to do: Learn how to go through the labels and purchase items made up of safer and natural ingredients. If you are Not sure about any component Test its security at When it might not block DHT (at the least, this has nevertheless being analyzed), the position it plays in the regulation with the Wnt pathway is not 1 for being downplayed. Which means that SM04554 might As well as topical growth treatments like Rogaine, the regular utilization of a best-rated shampoo for hair loss and regrowth can encourage follicles, moisturize your scalp, halt dandruff, and customarily assist the growth of thicker and fuller hair whilst avoiding it from falling out. Although you can find some indicator that a concoction of lavender oil, thyme, rosemary and cedar could be practical, we even now require more investigate to grasp of course. Next, researchers wished to verify their findings. They all over again handled hair follicles with possibly Regulate or CsA, and when compared their hair growth cycles. Plainly ingesting more alkaline foods and fewer acidic kinds may help to shift the human body back into it’s natural alkaline state and shield the scalp from excess DHT. In case you are serious about healing your microbiome, as well as desire to kick-start off the alkalisation process then I'd personally very advise a vegetable juice fast detox. I've menopause now my hair is thining and also have bald sopts any suggestions for a home solution thank you.

Helping https://twitter.com/steptoremedies/ Realize The Advantages Of natural hair growth

I am desperate And that i actually need assist at the moment. https://www.pinterest.com/healthhomeremedies/steptoremedies/ is one of The main elements of a lady and I don’t want to give up on this one particular. I went to the Medical professionals Nevertheless they didn’t found just about anything wrong with me. The exams I took showed that I am balanced and there’s no reason behind this to even occur to me. Remember to, I really need hair tips urgently!!!!!!!!!!!! Wow arrived on the lookout for just one house built shampoo obtained 4 alternatives. stepto remedies will consider them throughout subsequent several months. Am step toremedies to use multiple optional ingredients in the combo? A cure for hair loss could be Probably the most exciting scientific reports to come along from the health industry in quite a long time. https://www.wikihow.com/Reduce-Hair-Loss , a cure for male hair loss would also crossover and be a woman hair loss cure in addition. It could also make lots of money for whoever patents it very first, also. Between washing times, attempt working with dry shampoo. It’s a powder you sprinkle on the hair and after that comb as a result of. Your hair will glance clear and scent fresh new for the day. Several of it will eventually grow again but you will have to wait on it perhaps a few months and it could grow back again weak and vulnerable to breakage. The best thing you might do is take in healthier and nourish your scalp -- and see a physician for guidance. Audience Comments 11 Share Your Story There are many ways to categorize hair loss. A single have to first analyze the scalp to find out If your hair loss is as a result of physical destruction and loss of hair follicles (scarring or cicatricial alopecia). When the scalp seems completely normal with a good amount of empty hair follicles, this is named non-scarring hair loss. Then again, cicatricial alopecia permanently destroys the follicles. Surgical techniques like hair transplants might be beneficial for a few women together with Adult males to "fill in" thinned-out regions. While Propecia has far more constant results, minoxidil is more dependent on the person. Dramatic effects such as new regrowth can be noticed in people who respond well, but They're the minority. Minoxidil, like Propecia, is far better at hair routine maintenance. It will let you preserve the hair you are doing have for for a longer period, but only if you employ it day-to-day. You are able to motivate hair growth by retaining wholesome hair through a superior food plan and good hair care. Specified herbs will help make your hair grow faster, also. Alopecia areata is an autoimmune issue through which your body assaults its possess hair follicles. Most people, having said that, would not have systemic difficulties and need no professional medical checks. Almond, carrots, yeast, walnuts and fish are One of the food items that incorporate quite possibly the most biotin. Take into consideration nutritional supplements if you're not taking in any of those foods day by day. Very first, produce a cup of inexperienced tea with a person tea bag (or 1 teaspoon of free tea). Pour a cup of warm water on environmentally friendly tea bag and Allow it steep for half-hour or till cool. (use filtered or distill water to create this tea, nevertheless it’s not needed). Adolescent boys observe some receding close to the temples as their hairlines alter within the straight-across boys' sample to the more "M-formed" sample of adult Guys. This standard development doesn't signify They're dropping hair. Healthline shares five ways to keep the locks balanced and robust in the course of menopause, when hormonal imbalances typically result in hair loss.

Little Known Facts About hair loss treatment.

Hair within the scalp grows about .3 to .four mm/working day or about 6 inches each year. In contrast to other mammals, human hair growth and shedding is random rather than seasonal or cyclical. At any specified time, a random number of hairs might be in one of three stages of growth and shedding: anagen, catagen, and telogen. A bunch of topical prescription drugs referred to as prostaglandin analogs have recently began undergoing tests for probable hair regrowth. They could be Employed in men and women. These medicine are certainly not currently FDA authorised for scalp hair loss. At this time, they are primarily employed for eyelash enhancement. Among the list of new drugs is called bimatoprost (Latisse). Even further tests and research are required to evaluate the efficacy of such items in scalp hair loss. Bimatoprost solution is typically employed off-label for help in chosen situations of hair loss. It is actually at present FDA accredited for beauty eyelash enhancement. In this shampoo, we insert two additional factors: pure honey and castile soap. Honey is a wonderful moisturiser and provides luster to dull hair. Though castile cleaning soap is usually a natural soap constructed from plant oils and is free of terrible preservatives, colours and perfumes. So I obtained the aloe Vera juice, and only immediately after getting back home did I recognize you will find preservatives in it. It's got sodium benzoate and potassium sorbate. In addition it has some sorbitol. Although the hair loss that triggers partial or complete baldness calls for prescribed medications and surgical treatments, the short term or seasonal onset of hair loss can be dealt with by […] Your physician will talk to you your clinical background, Your loved ones’s clinical heritage, and especially about hair loss from the spouse and children. By investigating your symptoms, and analyzing a couple of of your hairs less than a microscope the health care provider will be able to diagnose whether it is a circumstance of alopecia areata. Anything you need to know about shampoos for thinning hairHair is called the crowning glory for human beings normally. Pricey Rupa, every cure is not about to get the job done for everybody and that is why I have stated four shampoos. If this doesn’t work consider one other 3. Based upon your affliction, the overall practitioner may well immediate you to definitely a dermatologist, a trichologist, or perhaps an endocrinologist In case the hair loss is linked to hormonal imbalance. You may also be referred to the psychologist when you put up with Trichotillomania. thyroid disease, diabetic issues, and vitiligo if anyone suffers from alopecia areata considering that these situations are also connected to  problems with the immune system Hair loss is a significant concern that has an effect on Guys and women alike. Should you be encountering hair loss, it’s vital that you cease applying normal shampoos and begin utilizing Particular hair loss shampoos. Catagen The catagen phase is actually a transitional stage and about 3% of all hairs are During this stage at any time. This phase lasts for around two to three months. Growth stops and also the outer root sheath shrinks and attaches to the basis in the hair. This can be the development of what is named a club hair. Often a person's immune technique attacks the cells of the growing hair bulb. This autoimmune condition is referred to as alopecia areata. Have you been doing suitable by the skin? Go ahead and take Pores and skin and Make-up Quiz to learn how to make the most of one's attractiveness routine.

Helping The others Realize The Advantages Of how to grow hair faster

The extended the hair stays inside the anagen phase, the extended it's going to grow. For the duration of this stage, cells neighboring the papilla inside a germinative layer divide to supply new hair fibers[6], as well as follicle buries itself to the dermal layer of the skin to nourish the strand. About 85% - 90% of your hairs on 1's head are in the anagen section at any provided time. Catagen phase[edit] Seborrheic dermatitis and scalp bacterial infections bring about challenges like itchy scalp and delicate hair loss. So, identify any underlying difficulties contributing to hair troubles and address them as quickly as possible in order that they don’t hamper your hair growth attempts. Propecia (finasteride). Originally Utilized in better doses for the treatment of prostate complications, Propecia has become being used for male pattern baldness. Propecia will work by blocking the development with the male hormones while in the pores and skin that may cause hair loss. Propecia is available by prescription and is particularly taken once daily in capsule form. Knowing for just a fact at an early age whether someone will probably be predisposed to shedding their hair is likely to make an enormous variation. This will aid that individual be capable of approach, spending plan, and exploration their options in advance of their hair even starts thinning. Hairfluence’s Hair Growth System has anything you should boost hair growth. It’s also all-natural (even the capsules are vegan-friendly) and it receives to the root of The difficulty with regards to nutritionally-deficient diets as well as their impact on hair growth. I suggest, it seems fairly apparent, brief, and easy, so I’m intending to check out it. Y’all should try out it. Also I place my nickname in school as my title bc I often get quite offended extremely conveniently so my good friends gave me that identify. Nevertheless, there are infinite products and solutions available that assure unrealistic outcomes, only to go away you unhappy. When researching the most beneficial shampoos for hair loss, here are some elements to remember. Consequently, we manage concerns for instance unhealthy hair and very poor hair growth, and a bunch of Other individuals. But Hairfluence has your again, so to talk, On the subject of hair overall health, as their Hair Growth Formula provides the supplements you may need for healthful hair growth and to hinder hair loss. Far more Autoimmune-relevant hair loss This is also referred to as alopecia areata and in essence is a result of an overactive immune method. “Your body will get puzzled,” suggests Dr. Glashofer. “The immune procedure sees the hair as international and targets it by mistake.” Follica is developing a wounding system that when coupled having a hair stimulant like minoxidil, is found to be more effective at triggering new growth. They choose to call this wounding system ‘pores and skin disruption’. The concept guiding this treatment is the fact following the skin is wounded, cells migrate to that place to mend. To the scalp, the hair is usually identified to be dropped round the hair line, leaving the densest degree of hair for the crown. Modest vellus hair will usually switch the hair that is shed. Radiation therapy to The top[edit] The most beneficial shampoos for hair growth include 4 essential substances. The subsequent elements are proven to not just sluggish or stop hair loss in Guys and women, but to effectively make new growth to halt thinning and balding. Whatever merchandise you end up picking, make sure it has the next elements. For steptoremedies.com that male hormones are overrepresented in PCOS, women can also working experience far more hair within the facial area and overall body.   And be sure to ‘Refrain’ from indicating anything severe on your hair, Even when you can be tempted to take action. Or https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jxm9G0PBxGI might be doomed. No, I am joking, but you will force absent your hair Restoration, believe in me on this just one.

The smart Trick of hair fall treatment That Nobody is Discussing

Anxiety is one of An important components that contribute to hair loss. It is actually believed that pressure can disrupt the conventional hair cycle and cause hairs to enter the telogen or fall-out section. As a result, when striving for faster hair growth, limit the strain in your life. Like minoxidil (aka Rogaine), Ketoconazole has actually been identified as an excellent hair loss treatment. Ketoconazole is the main component in several anti-dandruff and regrowth shampoos, and research with the Countrywide Institute of Health (NIH) has shown which the regular utilization of a 2% Ketoconazole shampoo may result in greater hair density and size. Finasteride has limits while, like the need of daily treatment, a limit to what number of ruined hair follicles it may possibly revive, Which it might eliminate its usefulness time beyond regulation for a lot of people. Eggs are remarkably beneficial for faster hair growth as they are filled with protein and in addition comprise iron, sulfur, phosphorus, zinc, and selenium. You should use an egg hair mask at the least when a month. In this post, we discuss the promising hair loss cures within the horizon. Some of these are much nearer to mass industry, while others are even further out (12 months 2020 or better). Exactly what are https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ORr9am4-tW8 approaching hair loss cures for women and Adult men? Allow’s learn. A group of topical remedies named prostaglandin analogs have just lately began going through screening for likely hair regrowth. They might be Utilized in Adult men and women. These drugs aren't currently FDA accredited for scalp hair loss. Presently, these are typically mostly employed for eyelash enhancement. Among the list of new medications is termed bimatoprost (Latisse). Additional testing and experiments are required to assess the efficacy of such items in scalp hair loss. Bimatoprost solution is typically applied off-label for help in picked circumstances of hair loss. It really is at the moment FDA accredited for beauty eyelash improvement. Popular hair growth goods and natural treatments for hair loss Hair loss ordinarily occurs once the cycle of hair growth and hair shedding is disrupted. Additionally, Individuals are the most crucial ingredients you wish to see in any shampoo that’s alleged to stop hair loss, encourage growth and block the effects of testosterone on follicles. Aloe vera encourages hair growth and helps prevent hair loss. Additionally, it minimizes dandruff and aids restore your hair’s natural sheen. Hello Ive always experienced slim hair but about 15months back I had baby and commenced to note my hair was falling out now I’m searching for a solution for the reason that my hair is de facto thin now mostly on my proper aspect and from the again I’ve under no circumstances thought of how as being forced to uncover the best shampoo so I’m like by no means professional on this so do I just buy these and use them and find out if it works for me or what other I’m sorry if im not producing perception like in which do I get started The Ultrax Shampoo is back again. I’ve changed mainly because they will not be accessible anymore. I’ll be updating the list and including additional hair loss shampoos shortly. Stay tuned. Once again, most shampoos that assert to halt hair loss and grow new hair are very little over snake oil. Keep on with elements which can be clinically confirmed to work and backed by scientific review. Alopecia areata is often a kind of hair loss produced by the autoimmune destruction of hair follicles in localized parts of skin. Keep away from nutritional deficiencies because they often impact your hair adversely. For instance, vitamin E and zinc deficiencies lead to hair thinning and loss.

Detailed Notes on hair growth

Lastly, researchers needed to know irrespective of whether stimulating the Wnt signaling pathway prematurely would promote hair growth. And The solution? I've Individually regrown my hair from thinning all alongside the temples and crown, and now to Attractive thick full hair without balding temples. This could advise that, significantly from staying totally based on your genes, your atmosphere performs a vital role in whether or not shed your hair. I next the hair massage physical exercises several instances every day, I eat fruit/ big kale salad each day, consume a lot of drinking water and also have a kambuchi drink daily, I ONLY use Poland spring bottle h2o on my hair to wet it for three months and only wash it the moment per week Following I make use of the dermaroller and put the hair cocktail on and evening and sleep by using a shower cap on- clean it off in morning with bottle drinking water. Your lately viewed objects and showcased tips › View or edit your searching record All information is for academic needs only. We do not goal to diagnose, address, cure or avoid and condition or ailment. You need to seek advice from a healthcare Qualified right before performing on any content material on this Web page. A lot more than fifty% of buyers declare that it may possibly thicken hair and sluggish hair loss, but It is far from viewed as effective in Adult males who have already got comprehensive male sample baldness. Unwanted side effects appear to be negligible, but in some people the medication may perhaps bring about pores and skin discomfort. The drug is accepted for use in Adult males and women. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T-vFharetTU than-the-counter in a pharmacy or drug retail outlet. As SFRP1 induces catagen period Considerably sooner than usual, this shows that CsA is a powerful inhibitor on the protein. Each individual strand is created up of cells that contain a tricky protein identified as keratin and they should be frequently nourished with minerals and vitamins for making your hair lengthy and powerful. We've enlisted some foods for hair growth, which you will need to undoubtedly add as part of your daily diet plan. So, what is the greatest foodstuff for healthy hair that may help it to grow faster? You’re concerned about dropping your hair, and you wish a straightforward and simple way to prevent, or even reverse your hair loss with 100% certainty and success level. This occurs as Portion of the Wnt signaling pathway and, in men and women with hair loss Diseases, it can cause balding. And vitamin C is a strong antioxidant, and it helps to remove hair damaging totally free radicals that are produced Ordinarily in our bodies. But as we age, their variety retains on rising. I'm pleased to determine that the majority things correlate, but Equilibrium is way more in depth and details and broader. I'm also starting to Adhere to the Plant paradox lectin avoidance nutrition. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hair_Is_Falling hope to report good brings about six months. Nobody is fully certain of the exact mechanism through mix minoxidil can help hair to grow. But we do recognize that it reverses the whole process of hair follicle miniaturization.

[jonathanalumbaugh]

What I learned

January 13th, 2018, 7th issue. A roundup of what I learned this week, sources linked. Published weekly. All blurbs written by yours truly unless otherwise noted. Grouped in quasi-random order.

Design

Land art is awesome. — 10 Female Land Artists You Should Know

There's free money out there for projects! — The Complete Guide to 2018 Artist Grants and - Artwork Archive

Better design can help guide the user to what they want to do, while leaving them in control. Bad design lets them flounder. — Hawaii missile alert: Blame terrible interface design for the Hawaii debacle — Quartz

Looking at a familiar environment through a photo can give us a new perspective. — January Cure 2018 Assignment 7 - Photograph Your Home - Apartment Therapy

Design-centered companies like IBM seem like the ideal, if there must be monoliths like them. — IBM’s Quest To Design The “New Helvetica”

Things that are interactive get more attention than things that are static. Things that are interactive in strange and unexpected ways, probably even more so. — Ikea’s New Ad Is A Pregnancy Test You Pee On. Really.

The impact of simple choices ("this font or that one?") is important. — The importance of typography in Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri

International fire code/OSHA guidelines for evacuation floor plans are a thing that exists. — Is there a Standard for Emergency Evacuation Maps? - NFPA Xchange

Basic principles of animation apply to more than just animated films. — Making CSS Animations Feel More Natural - CSS-Tricks

CNC made houses cause quite a stir in the comments section. — The PlyPad: CNC Machine Yourself A Tiny House - Hackaday

Design nostalgia looks to an era that never existed, a charicature of an era that wasn't as glorious as it's made out to be. — That font you hate is coming back in style - The Outline

Git

Yes, a section dedicated solely to all the things I learned about git.

Git is a powerful way of managing projects that have releases, ongoing development, and multiple team members. — A git Primer

Use "git checkout" to use files from a different branch in the current branch. — Git: checkout files or directories from another branch – clubmate.fi

This was supposed to help me deploy my website. — Git: copy all files in a directory from another branch - Stack Overflow

Git can also be used to automate deployment of web apps or websites, especially powerful when combined with post receive hooks. — Setting up Push-to-Deploy with git - Kris Jordan

Order of operations: git commit > git pull > merge whatever needs to be merged > push to server. — When do I need to do "git pull", before or after "git add, git commit"? - Stack Overflow

Finance

In systems of continually growing complexity, administration becomes more and more difficult. — An Alleged Theft of a Billion-Dollar Fund Grips ETF World - WSJ

A lot about retirement accounts. — Congratulations, Your Income Is Too High: Non-Deductible IRA Conversions - Part 2 - Seeking Alpha

Ethereum is a crypto-currency that is built to be used for smart contracts, which function as multi-signature accounts, manage agreements between users, store information about an app, and more. — How Do Ethereum Smart Contracts Work? - CoinDesk

Scandal

In a shitstorm of bad apologies for terrible assaults, a victim accepts her harasser's apology. — Dan Harmon’s apology to Megan Ganz was a moment of self-reckoning - Vox

Excerpt: “We are talking here about destroying all the ambiguity and the charm of relationships between men and women,” explained the writer Anne-Elisabeth Moutet... “We are French, we believe in gray areas. America is a different country. They do things in black and white and make very good computers. We don’t think human relationships should be treated like that.”

What I learned: I'm not really sure.

— Opinion: Catherine Deneuve and the French Feminist Difference

In the almost every one of the differing opinions about Ansari's wrongdoings, even the ones who decry his accuser, there is at least some shred of truth. — The Humiliation of Aziz Ansari

Social media

Facebook has shifted its focus from personal connection to advertising. Can it be saved? Probably only by killing it. — Facebook Can’t Be Fixed. — Facebook (FB) is using an old drug dealer tactic to keep its users hooked to News Feed

In a society anxious to be texted back, we value the ability to put off replying. — How It Became Normal to Ignore Texts and Emails

Algorithmic systems like Youtube feed off of its users preferences. If we don't like it, it's our fault. — Making a Better YouTube

There is a new dialectic, or at least one that has been brought to the fore by the over-availability of news: virtue signalling vs. engagement. Every inflammatory headline begs to be shared with righteous opinion attached, and every time one is it fans the flames of the 24 hour news cycle. Maybe before long, it'll be called the 1400 minute news cycle. — Seriously, You—Ok, We—Need To Stop Watching The News This Year

Massive systems like Youtube are now almost completely run by algorithms that are exploitative. It's not that there is aberrant behavior in the algorithm; it is built to be exploitative, and it's now being taken to its natural end. And yes, as users, we are complicit. — Something is wrong on the internet – James Bridle

We need to consider the root beliefs collectively held by society that have given rise to the services that now run our lives. — Lost Context: How Did We End Up Here?

Life

A catch-all category for stuff that doesn't fit anywhere else, or fits in too many other categories!

There are points in time that we're more likely to work to push beyond our current capabilities; perhaps by preparing for them, we could push even farther. — The Bizarre Motivating Power of Aging Into a New Decade

Spiciness is carried to our brains through nerves in the dermis on our tongues, not through taste buds. — Did You Know That "Spicy" is Not a Taste?

Alcohol hits the bloodstream very quickly (~90 seconds) but takes hours to be fully released into the bloodstream, so BAC can climb even after the last drink. — Here's Why You Vomit After Drinking Alcohol And How To Feel Better After Getting Sick

Discomfort and fear keep us from enjoying ourselves. When we experience them, slow down, check them at the door and forge ahead. — I Was the Youngest Person at the Dump - Kathleen Ann Thompson

The authors argue that inequality is almost the same as it has been for decades, the top 1% is simply receiving their large slice of the pie in salary, rather than in increasing shareholder value pre-Reagan tax changes. — A new study says much of the rise in inequality is an illusion. Should you believe it?

Making room for opportunity to occur is the first step to seizing opportunity. — Opportunity Knocks When You Least Expect It. - Kathleen Ann Thompson

What I learned: The internet is a utopia; it does not physically exist, it's a virtual space that enables the amplification of the moral outrage that is a tool of self-absolution. And now we are no longer able to shape the internet, what we made now shapes us. Excerpt one: "The utopian ideal of the internet—unregulated access to information, pure connectivity—now feels antiquated. Also antiquated: trying to determine if the internet is simply good or bad. Possible and necessary: thinking more deeply about how it’s rewiring our brains and warping our experience of time, about the vistas of reality it’s revealing and creating, and what to do with our positions therein, so that we do not go mad from it all nor flee altogether." Excerpt two: "Communicating every thought about every moral conflict has become so effortless, even obligatory, that it feels like nothing could possibly be informing our reactions beyond the conflicts themselves." Excerpt three: "The myriad reckonings we’re desperate for might be cultivated in the kind of safe space Kaufman describes. Not a literal dream state, but somewhere where you don’t feel watched or compelled to perform. Somewhere private, or where you’re listening to one person at a time rather than a ton of little representations of people all at once. Somewhere where the discomfort of moral responsibility can’t be mowed over with the stimulus of an outrageous story. Where, if you’re disturbed to come upon a transgressive thought of your own, the next move is to pick it apart, rather than to go online and project an image of yourself as perfectly evolved." — Rookie » Editor's Letter

Automating repetitive tasks using whatever tools at hand is a powerful way to reach past a productivity plateau. — Schedule Tasks on Linux Using Crontab

Giving our viewers "everything" is doing our audiences a disservice. Shows like Twin Peaks make us work to understand. — ‘Twin Peaks’ Episode 8 Explained: Recap & Top Theories

B teams at Google (teams that were not composed of top performers) made more significant contributions to the company than its A teams, once again proving that soft skills are incredibly important. — The surprising thing Google learned about its employees — and what it means for today’s students

Figure out your most productive hours and be prepared to work on your most important projects in that time. — Work During Your Hours of Peak Productivity

Google may not be explicitly evil, but it is starting to force web developers to do things the Google way. — Web developers publish open letter taking Google to task for locking up with web with AMP / Boing Boing

Psychology

I have no idea what's going on here. — Carl Jung Was Alt-Right

Contradicting perhaps decades of psychology, personality (as measured by OCEAN, or the "Big Five") shows downward trends in all traits except agreeableness. — Study of 50,000 people shows personality changes throughout life

A free "Big Five" or "OCEAN" test! — Understand Yourself - Personality Test

Beginnings, endings, and other psychological landmarks are powerful times to take advantage of in our lives. — You’re Most Likely to Do Something Extreme Right Before You Turn 30

[dudence-blog]

Dear Dudence for 14 December 2017

It’s a week until Christmas and Hanukkah is in swing.  Hopefully you’ve got your presents ordered, wrapped, or delivered.  If you’re one of the lucky few who don’t need to write to an advice columnist to figure out who you should spend your holidays with I hope it’s a great time for you.  I’ve got the gluehwein warming in the kitchen so on to the letters other people asked someone else!

My boyfriend and I have been together for two years, and he is loving, caring, and dedicated. He’s in the medical field and enjoys helping his patients. Most of the time, I can see myself marrying him and being happy, but some things he says politically make me nervous, and I’m worried that he’s too uncaring about other people’s situations. He doesn’t have a problem with Roy Moore being a senator because “he hasn’t been convicted.” He seems to judge sexual harassment victims for not coming forward earlier and doesn’t understand why some wouldn’t.

Dear Is He Insensitive, welcome to being in a relationship with someone who roots for another team than you do.  Sometimes this difference is between Yankee and Red Sox fans, sometimes it’s between OU and UT.  In this case it’s between D and R.  Your boyfriend is making excuses for Roy Moore’s behavior in the same way that Mets fans were perfectly cromulent with Jose Reyes’ domestic abuse and Texans fans shake their heads about Brian Cushing’s PED use.  Your boyfriend also has the perfectly human response to the victims of “This isn’t what I would do or what I would expect everyone I know to do if it happened to them.”  It doesn’t make him right or them wrong, it’s just something people do.  It doesn’t mean he is insensitive to the plight of such victims closer to him.  He just chooses to spend his emotional attention on people who are not complete strangers thousands of miles away with whom he will never interact.  I want you to go ahead and ignore Newdie’s advice on this one because, honestly, she is a child who thinks that history began on or about 21 January 2009.  Roy Moore is an awful person; his political actions alone should have been disqualifying for the office of Senator, that he took an interest in young women which was awkward for the time, and downright creepy when viewed through today’s expectations (Unless you’re the President and First Lady of France).  That he lost is, probably, for the benefit of the nation.  But unless you live in Alabama your boyfriend’s view on Moore’s candidacy matters exactly as much to your relationship as to whether he was a Cubs fan who was suddenly less than willing to condemn Ardolis Chapman as an abuser.  Also, let me go ahead and let you know that every single person who seeks that high of an elected office is, at some level, an awful person.  You need to be to have the single-minded megalomania to decide you, and you alone, know what is best for several thousand to hundreds of millions of people, many of whom deeply and sincerely disagree with you.  It’s just a matter of whether their awfulness has been brought to light, or if they’re a member of your team.  You might be too young to remember, but 18 months ago Bill Clinton’s history of assault and harassment was just not that important, and almost 30 years ago no less a feminist than Gloria Steinem believed he was entitled to One Free Grope.  Rand Paul is, apparently, an awful-enough neighbor to justify being assaulted.  Bob Menendez and Alcee Hastings took bribes.  There are, what, 4 Congressmembers who’ve been outed using taxpayer dollars to settle harassment claims?  Only you can decide whether your politically disinterested boyfriend’s lazy defense of a bad candidate is worth you blowing up a relationship with someone who satisfies you in the many other dimensions of a relationship.  I, personally, wouldn’t end a relationship I can see otherwise ending in wedding bells over a disagreement on the players on your political team. 

Is it ever acceptable to make a request about your partner’s appearance? I would never comment on something like weight or unchangeable physical characteristics (nor would I want to—I think my wife is beautiful). But what about easily changeable things? My wife has recently stopped coloring her hair, so now she is all gray.

Dear Dye Job, of course it’s acceptable to make requests about your partner’s appearance.  “Honey, I really like that red blouse you wore last week,” be polite, sensitive, and keep it positive.  As for your specific request let’s talk.  It was something she previously did, but she has stopped doing.  Maybe she didn’t like the hassle, maybe she thought it wasn’t money well-spent, maybe she didn’t think you noticed it enough, maybe she is just deciding to give her hair a break for a bit.  I’d suggest just asking her about it.  Frame the question in a positive and supportive way; if she asks if you have a preference, be honest, but accept it might just not be something she wants to do.  You’ll never know if you don’t ask.

I’m in my late-30s but for some reason am painfully embarrassed by my pre-teen/middle school years. I don’t want any throwback pics or “hey, remember how you used to...” discussion. It’s completely irrational. I was not tormented and had no particularly traumatic incidents. Just your garden-variety awkward. Anyway, I’ve never told anyone this because I realize it’s nuts. If things come up, I just laugh along and change the subject as swiftly as possible. But recently a family member has started posting clips from old family videos on Facebook. I am absolutely mortified at the thought of some of the videos that I know they have of me being made public.

Dear Adolescent Embarrassment, are you me?  It might be small comfort but, honestly, as long as your recorded moments don’t feature you fiving a Nazi salute or shooting the neighbors pets no one fucking cares how embarrassing and awkward you were as a pre-teen because all of us were like that.  The coolest, sexist, most confident person you know has a picture of video of them wearing awful clothes, a then-popular hairstyle, and their voice cracking in that awful way it does.  Ask whoever has those videos to not upload ones of you, and if they do it anyway just ignore it.

I am 36 years old and have been in a relationship with a great guy for almost two years. He is 43. We are talking about marriage and possibly kids if that works out. I have zero issues with our relationship—it’s great. The only concern I have is that prior to dating me, my boyfriend only dated very attractive women under 26 years old. Some of them were even as young as 20 or 22, while he was in his mid-to-late 30s. I guess I am concerned that someday he will want to go back to that.

Dear Reading Too Much, in addition to believing that history began on or about 21 January 2009 NuPru also thinks that romantic partners are incapable of wanting anything different from what they have dated before.  Yes, it is possible he might want to go back to dating college-age women, or the fact he’s dating you and you two are discussing a future together means he’s ready to move on from dating women in their early to mid 20s.  Also, since you’re talking age-ranges here a 34 year old dating a 26 year old is not exactly Mrs. Robinson trying to seduce someone.  Heck, it’s well within Half Your Age +7.  NuPru is reading an exceptional amount of malice into very sparse information.  If you haven’t talked with your boyfriend about your concern that you might be a bit too mature for his chickenhawkish ways may I suggest that you do so.  However, when you do I suggest you throw out all the argle-bargle NuPru mentioned about “power imbalance”, “being fresh out of high school”, etc because the only way to make that conversation end more poorly would be to ask if he’s preparing to run for the Senate in 20 years.  Don’t ask him why he wanted to date youngerer women, ask him what makes his relationship with you more special than the ones that came before.  

I recently got out of a very long-term relationship. I hadn’t expected to enter the dating world so soon, but I met a guy while traveling for work and made an instant connection with him. I only travel to his area a few weeks a year, so I stayed in contact with him and we chat almost every day. Well, I’ve just recently met someone else more local (once again, it caught me by surprise). I know I’m not necessarily ready for a relationship with either, but I’m really starting to like both of them. I’ve always felt I could be polyamorous, as I feel that people have the capability to care for and love multiple people, but should I continue spending time with both of them?

Dear Poly Maybe?, you see that cart in front of you?  You need to dismount your horse, unhitch it from the cart, move your horse in front of the cart, then rehitch it.  You’re newly free from a long-term relationship and now you’ve found multiple people you want to bang.  It is far, far, far more likely that something is going to come along to derail your relationship with either, or both, of them before you need to start explaining how you love them both equally and hope they’re okay with you being banged by the other.  

My father has just collapsed from a cancer none of us knew he had. He is ailing, and my mother is absolutely freaking out. She has always had undiagnosed, untreated mental illnesses. Since his retirement, she has clung to my father. My sister is there trying to manage things while my father is in the hospital. If she leaves the room, my mother freaks out. Last night mom called me, hysterical, saying that she had been “abandoned” (my sister went to the gym). She wandered the neighborhood wailing and sobbing until a neighbor came out to talk to her. Sooner or later, someone may call the police. She has not been to a doctor since I was born (I’m in my 50s). She won’t listen to anyone and wouldn’t let a caseworker into the house to assess the situation. I am estranged from all of them but would like to get her some help.

Dear Mother off the Rails, provide your sister the elderly care information Newdie offered.  

I recently asked out a man and he said yes (yay!). However, it turns out my roommate is also interested in him.

Dear Swiped a Crush, she who hesitates is lost.  Give her the polite heads-up, be prepared for some drama, but go on with your plans.  Real life is not an episode of Friends.

My daughter is 16 years old. Her mother and I have been divorced for most of my daughter’s life. For years, I have had to fight my ex’s attempt to keep my daughter from me and to keep joint, 50-50 custody. However, as a teen my daughter has been rebelling—stealing, failing school, et cetera. I’ve punished her by taking her phone away or not letting her go over to friend’s houses. Instead of backing me up, my ex sides with my daughter—without asking me why I punished her.

Dear Daughter Doesn’t Want, the good news is in a few years she’ll be dating Reading Too Much’s ex-boyfriend.  Wait, that might not be good news.  I would not sacrifice your time with your daughter so easily as Newdie is suggesting.  I get the impression that your relationship with your daughter’s mother is not the most amicable, but if you haven’t had a serious parent-to-parent discussion with her lately over your daughter’s behavior, discipline for her self-destructive actions, and the expectation that you’ll both support one another you need to.  I’d also suggest dealing with your lawyer about what your options actually are.  Your daughter is old enough that her preferences should be given some serious weight, but she’s not so old or mature that she should just be allowed to go off the rails.

[me-mindfulexistence]

Sexual Harassment....The Flip Side.

A ‘sexual Antagonizer’ or someone who is sexually harassing someone....is a person who is giving unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical harassment of a sexual nature.

 I guess you could imagine he might be the guy trying to corner you at a party to get close enough to talk directly into you’re ear something meaningless....you can smell the alcohol on his breath and can feel his spit hitting your face....you’re are immediately turned off but you try not to be outright rude.....but he is instantly very ‘hands on’ when he’s pulling you in close b/c he thinks despite not knowing you it’s already ‘ok’ to be ‘touchy feely’ b/c the drinks are flowing and everyone is having a good time. Hey, he might not know you, but you must know the same people at the party or you both wouldn’t be there....right? 

You might imagine he’s the guy who you were set up on a blind date with.....and despite not giving him ‘great vibes’ the whole time....he has taken the liberty after dinner to make the aggressive move in the car afterwards to assume he deserves a goodnight kiss (and maybe more).  Not asking....just doing. After all....he spent all that money and time.

Maybe he’s the guy who is an ex-boyfriend and after you started a new relationship he has decided to ‘just show back up’ at your door when your new guy isn’t around and just try and ‘plant one on you’.....maybe with the hopes of rekindling what ‘should have been’....Not asking....just being in the moment and doing.

It could be the guy at work who hangs around the break room a lot shooting the shit.....and you generally enjoy his company or the back and forth banter you have about trivial topics....but one day he comes up behind you and touches you without warning in a way that isn’t ‘work appropriate’ or solicited b/c you had no idea it was even coming....let alone consensual.

Or it could be the guy who just outright flashes you....yikes!

All scenarios that happen all the time.  

What if you took those same situations and replaced Guy/him/he with Girl/Lady/She?  what if SHE did that? 

Would those same scenario’s be considered ‘inappropriate’, threatening or harassing in nature?  I think the answer is definitely Yes..... BUT.....Would they be considered inappropriate by a majority of men/males receiving the inappropriate action? Would those men/guys in the situations consider themselves sexually assaulted/harassed?  I bring this up b/c there is so much confusion among males as to “WHY”....why so many females are having this issue NOW....today....with sexual ‘assault’.  #metoo They’re questioning everything....how? why? what?  It perplexes them.  

Not all...but many males are just wired differently. For starters when you put a male on the receiving end of the ‘harassment’....many of these situations would be considered a ‘success’.  A favorable thing to occur.  Females flashing....getting a number or someone trying to pick them up at a party or bar (whether they are attractive or not) is flattering, someone showing up making advances or showing attention (as long as it isn’t causing any extra grief in their current situation) is again flattering. In general, unless the male is dealing with someone psychotic, they usually don’t fear for their ‘person’.  They don’t have that natural anxiety that females get when they are approached, touched or spoken to in a way that wasn’t desired.

Which brings me to ‘the flip side’.  A bulk of the news recently has centered around primarily males being accused of sexual harassment and sexual assault. I could name them but the list would go on and on....Here is the thing-  Females do it ALL THE TIME.  I’m sorry girls and ladies if this comes as a shocking surprise....but they do.  NOT every female of course....It’s the ability to use your  sexuality as a power chip. And it doesn’t mean you have sex to get that ‘power’.  It means you have a good understanding of the opposite sex and how your appearance, speech/words, actions directly effect them. It’s something that both sexes do-if that’s part of ‘their game’..... Point being that females with self esteem issues, strong personalities just ‘forcing their will’ on a man, attention seekers, inebriated females with low inhibitions or females who just ‘want to’....will do things that are extremely predatory in nature physically and emotionally.....and it would definitely be actions that would be labeled as sexual assault (if it happened to a female).....so why isn’t this being reported by males?  B/c we circle back to the difference between males and females.  Culturally for one, gender roles and stereotypes have been ingrained from our youth that the males receiving that behavior are ‘charmed’ in a sense if they would have a female ‘throw’ themselves at them or get an impromptu ‘flash’....they portray this behavior in movies and with the taught idealist notion that males being with multiple people pre-monogamous relationship/pre-marriage is just ‘part of growing up’ and boys being boys and men being men.... Males are also more sexual without needing any emotional attachment.  Biggest difference and bottom line is that most males aren’t going to feel ‘fear’ when they’re approached in whatever manner it is....where again, females have a natural tendency to feel her person is threatened when unwanted sexual conversation, gestures or contact is made....and IT DOES NOT MATTER if she was wearing something skimpy.  IT DOES NOT MATTER if she was dancing proactively....That is NOT universal body language inviting inappropriate behavior.  A males PERCEPTION is only that------ HIS REALITY....NOT the actual shared REALITY of the situation....and that my friends is where the trouble lies!  I heard someone say “if a female is wearing a shirt that says “SLUT”...I can safely assume I could approach her and ask for sex. I mean when I see a someone wearing a police uniform I’ll assume they’re a cop...or a mailman uniform- ...it’s safe to assume they’re a mailman...SO?!”.....I was shocked reading it......Really?  That rational sucks.  1- When was the last time you saw someone wearing a shirt that said “Slut” and you just had random sex with a stranger b/c that’s the ‘uniform’ females wear when they want to sleep around?  2-If someone was wearing that (in a 1 in a 1000 chance) I can guarantee you it’s probably an antagonist like me just looking to lure in a jackass tempting me to get on my soapbox. If you want to use that stupid logic.....I’ll say-”Just b/c I see someone who LOOKS like a trash-man or is riding on a ‘trash truck’....I just don’t run up to them and hand them a bag of garbage and say ‘here take this’.....They’ll be like ‘what’? who are you and why are you handing me this garbage? B/c listen.....My trash company comes to me on their scheduled terms.  Not the opposite.  I can’t just pick any damn company and run up to any damn trash person any damn day of the week b/c they look like good trash people....damn it. 

I’m sure there is SOOO much more psychology behind it but it’s fascinating to me that females can’t see both sides of the street right now. It’s VERY wrong that so much bad behavior has been tolerated for so long that it’s only now that females are coming out and feeling empowered....but we need to understand that it goes both ways....and we need to try and ‘get’ where the confusion is coming from in males (or even our more conservative counterparts). ie- I was amused to hear females and their sexuality explained in the context of ‘cows’ this week at a family gathering.  “Gotta sell the whole cow..... b/c we taught them better then to give the milk away for free ya know” ( yeah....life, marriage and sex summed up all in that one sentence the “lords way”). 

This blog doesn’t have any profound answers.  I just found some of thoughts I had surrounding the sexual assault topic to be different than what I’m seeing out there.....and how I think usually isn’t popular....but I’m okay with that.  It’s just interesting how the behavior of the sexes is viewed and thus treated vastly different.  As a side note, I also don’t feel these people being accused should be considered ‘guilty’ until proven so....It’s a shame social media is now the ruler of our world.  Basically public opinion makes a person guilty.....bc even if they’re  proven innocent they’re still persecuted by public outcry.  IDK.  My half a cent of nothing.