#im in a weird headspace rn
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sometimes i think abt that one person whose only message in a server amounted to telling someone “your ocs are some of the only good ones, this server is full of mediocre ocs”
and it felt so weird to me bc we were all supposed to just. like. casually sit there as if this person had contributed anything to the server that let them say that
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does anyone else ever get that feeling where its like.
you're fine and you're okay and you're fine and you're okay and everything's neutral and normal and neutral and below-average and okay, when you're suddenly assaulted by the bare and basic and horrifically made ingenuity of humanity. The never-ending cycle and motor of change, but it doesn't change, does it? The monolith and its ideals stand tall and ever-lasting for thousands of thousands of years and you lay there in its shadow and watch as history swirls and coils around it, century-long projects rising from marshy and swampy earth to curl in circles and domes and spires, a dizzying red white and green that lasts far, far, far, far, beyond what anyone can ever pray- because that's what they do, pray- to remember or know, the dazzling endlessness of the human want for pretty things, and all the architects and well-known magicians of the past cry and holler and yell in victory and wonder as they fireworks crack above the watery town full of alleys- we did it, we made it, we did it, it still stands after hundreds of years-
and you just sit there and look up and watch and marvel and when they ask you isn't it wonderful? Isn't our world, our work, our life, our belief in something we never see wonderful? Isn't the human life a marvellous thing? and you have to sit there and watch as pyramids are built before you yet still stand thousands of years later, and you just have to go yes, yes it is, but why do you still celebrate? there is nothing more to build, nothing more to do, all the wonder in the world has already been made.
and the ancestors of the world's people and buildings and history look down and say oh.
oh, oh. oh. oh, OH.
The world is still full of wonder-
but how do i make it? how to i push it forth when every speck of immortality has already been taken into the wonderful domes and spires and palaces of the old? How can i create wonder, when there is no more space to build?
and. and they just reply-
you have to be willing to dig.
#nokt's rambles#im in a weird headspace rn#i visited Venice and Florence#art and architecture. . . the longest living relics#venice stood as a republic for a hundred years or more. how can i stand for anything and mean anywhere close to what it did?#i guess i have to find out#i guess i have to dig.
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Do you see my vision
#my dc posting#my art#dc#jason todd#red hood#transfem jason todd#transwoman jason todd#trans fem jason todd#trans woman jason todd#its always so weird when uve made a character trans. and then u gotta use their canon name for tagging#i feel like im deadnaming her even tho i havent come up w a name yet#the lazarus pit gives spontaneous transition. even if u havent realized ur trans yet#i feel like itd be hard to become a respected n feared n succesful crime lord if she presented as female. because of the 'sogony.#so she can have a lil perry the platypus style shit goin on w a voice modifier in the helmet#also coming back as a woman would make batman less likely to connect her w his dead 'son'. so.#idk. i dont actually have a fully formed au or timeline in mind i just find it easier to draw women#its more of a psychological thing where if im in the headspace of 'this is a woman' it becomes just easier to draw the body#🤷 it is how it is ig#censored bc tumblr's a bitch n really it doesnt matter#i had a post w like 1 note that was literally just 'i dont think [insert name] is a good name for a transfem version of [insert character]'#and it got labelled Mature by tumblr so i figured might as well not even try n be Modest and shit w the way tumblr's fuckin it up rn#anyway shoutout to Daughter of Dragons by thispatternismine for the inspiration#...how does all that hair fit comfortably inside the helmet?#ah. hmm. well that is. it sure is a question! that i will not be answering.#jason todd fanart#dc fanart
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oh god there's more of them
#camp camp#i dont even know how long its been man#im in a weird ass headspace rn and i just keep drawing Little Guys#funko pops if they were good
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Yeah, the whole thing on bio kids and adopted kids and the approach towards legacy is really gross. Especially since it obvious that DC is trying to have their cake and eat it too. All those stories about found family with adopted kids gets thrown out the window the instant a bio kid shows up. Cass can't be Batman because that's reserved for Damian, Chris Kent is removed as Superman's son and becomes evil when he shows up again, etc.
It's especially weird with Damian in my opinion. because i feel like sometimes DC really markets him as the heir and bruces "real" son but also they keep behind the scenes trying to make him evil or just doing the weirdest shit imaginable there. Then there is shit like DCeased that make him Batman that are awful and also ship him with cassie sandsmark. this whole "bio kid problem" started with Damian yeah but with the Damian story it had something to say. When Damian(10 and traumatized) kept trying to prove himself as the real son the point was that he was wrong. and his journey in healing and stuff made him into a healthier person and also made him not want to be batman. I think DC really saw damian and was like oh man we should do a bio legacy character(completely ignoring any of the damian nuance) and made Jon Kent which... yeah. I'm not super into a lot of the superfam fandom but of my mutuals/pals that are I've seen that a lot of them don't like the lasting affect Jon has had on the superfam( and also HATE the erasure of Chris Kent)
This mixed with the now revealed Trinity leads to my main problem which is DC's marketing of these characters. With playing into them inheriting their parents legacies, and centering them as succesors ignoring like... everybody else.
#i think the one i dislike the most here for this is jon#because as mentioned in my last post damian does have a good arc that has something to say about legacy#and yeah dc keeps trying to either make him evil or some bullshit or makes him batman in an awful au#jon himself is fine but i think the precedent he's set is awful and i hate it#spork says stuff#not main tagging this bc i dont wan jon fans chewing my head off#also i hope this makes sense im in a weird headspace rn :<
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well its always better to ignore me 90% of the time anyway and just focus on whatever art i poop out bc im too old to give a fuck abt these things anymore and just continue to say the dumbest silliest shit i have on my mind under my breath lmaoo
#no mid 20s isnt even close to old but yall get the gist#ik its meant to be lh but i guess im in a weird headspace rn and jsut wanna remind yall you can freely#block my babbles tag if you want me to stfu and also just not read my tags#since i happen to rant a lot in them#ALSO I MAY SAY THE DUMBEST THINGS THAT ARE ON MY MIND BUT its never harmful or mean stuff. its rlly just silly brainpoop#theres things you can ramble abt and things that should be left unsaid. so yeah no harm in me being silly in my own space#but yea feel free to block or ignore me i know im very annoying and people get tired of me and my broken brain constantly okok#babbles#tbd
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Man I wish the White Fang had numerous community programs like the BPP did. It would've been super cool to see Adam and Blake interact with other faunus outside of missions and the WF. I like to imagine Adam volunteering to teach people self defense while Blake spends some down time teaching people how to read and maybe they're both banned from the kitchens because they accidentally started a small grease fire because they're used to cooking on the road and not with fancy dancy equipment
#rwde#god i fucking wish the white fang was done so much better#i wish all of rwby was done better#remnant is so isolated and soulless it genuinely hurts to think abt#whats the use of such a vast open and colorful world if youre not going to do anything w it?#the white fang absolutely shouldve been abt community and regaining their identities and freedom#esp the community part#its so depressing that blake never talks to any of the faunus on menagerie until shes asking them to fight for haven#adam never really gets to talk to anyone period#ilia and sun talk like#once? maybe twice?#everyone's so isolated it's painful#esp when you compare it to actual people and history#recently read a post abt how an African family managed to find out where they came from thanks to a song passed from mother to daughter#wheres that kind of solidarity? that history? that culture? where are the songs of resistance or dances altered to be done w mining gear?#idk im just in a weird headspace rn. reading history just Does Something to me yknow?
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it's been a long ass while since i've gotten so many notes (since i rarely, if ever, have energy to make actual content on here) but i just wanna say it's truly heartwarming to see my activity blow up as we all bond over our mutual, thriving, visceral hatred of james somerton. just truly beautiful to see people come together for a good cause like this.
#mine#im not usually one to root for ppl's downfalls bc im honestly p superstitious but like. he rly is the exception#like it's been a few days and my posts are still getting constant notes and im still so angry lmao.#never have i ever seen more gall. like ffs even that tommy guy just DISAPPEARED after his hbomberguy expose#the tommy jokes are v funny but i wish he rly was like tommy and just fucking DISAPPEARED OFF THE INTERNET#GO TOUCH GRASS AND LEAVE US ALONE PLEASE GOD FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING ON EARTH LEAVE#james somerton#hbomberguy#also sorry this is all we've posted abt but we are in a weird headspace rn
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cira contorts herself like a cat when she sleeps and it hurts to even look at how the hell
#pk;m Heart💜#she's laying in my lap like a cat rn too and im like the Fuck do you want. pets?? fuckin weirdo???#im not very limber in our headspace and she's like. I'm PRETTY SURE. a wholeass robot so she can just#theoretically dislocate her limbs and not feel pain#and im like ARE YOU FOING THAT RN shes not answering me. and im LIKE that's weIRD!!!!!!!! anyways im so glad we're friends
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hmmm I was not designed to pull all nighters I am still recovering
#1st shift down out of 3 of working overnight#and woke up close to 2pm#head hurtie and i want to eat but dont know what#ugh im in such a weird headspace rn i was not meant for this#personal
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I think i have mental illinois
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📓🕯️🐇🖤pt.2
#only 30 tags lol i ran out... so furthermore#we only get one life. im gonna try as much as i can to enjoy the little moments. nd to not give up on myself nd my life#i will die one day anyway. why rush it. i'll enjoy as many books and as many walks and songs and tv shows as possible#if i get a loan nd have more money i wanna bleach my hair nd dye my hair green#and later this year i think i might change my name#it was the name i wanted to change to from the beginning. but i was in such a bad headspace i just picked eden at random#i do kinda like it now nd im attached to it but i more feel like this other name actually is me. my birth name nd my current name dont feel#really right. so maybe. i havent decided yet. like i rlly dont know. im also attached to this name for some other reason. like it's who i am#to a person i rlly like and if i change... will i be anything to them? i cant put it into words but that makes me hesitate#but it's unhealthy to stay attached to someone i cant truly have even if i want to. so i mean. idk im just weird abt it#but i do kinda wanna change my name (to embla. my mom wanted to give me that name but my dad was like nooo >.<) i am not 100% sure tho so#when i've been getting used to going to school nd working out at the gym. nd after my surgery nd i have more energy#i will try to face my avpd and try apps for making friends. there r two apps where u can find new girl friends!! maybe i can try that#also like i've never tried apps but i think maaaaaybe i can use bumble to try to find friends and women to date. potentially. idk.....#rn it's hard for me to think in those terms bc. i mean i am hung up on someone!!!! i cant evwn imagine dating or being intimate w anyone els#sometimes i feel like.. they're the only person i've ever felt like it'd even be possible. who i'd event want to do that w#not only physically but emotionally. so ig it's even harder to let go bc im so scared i will never feel like that w anyone else#but i rlly need to try to make the most of whatever life i have. the world will collapse soon anyway#that makes me even more sad that i cant be w who i wanna be w nd do what i wanna do but#all pain will all be completely descimated eventually. it's not forever bc life isnt forever#i've just never felt this before. like i want smth to be real so bad but if it happened once surely it can happen again? right?#i wont spend my life alone without intimacy and love and comfort nd support nd understanding right???? :o hope not#im still so sad nd exhausted rn. nothing in my life is working nd theres no repreive nd no help#it gets sooo hard to endure everything sometimes when everything just keeps piling up and gets so heavy it feels like im drowning#nd atm i dont feel like i have any anchor. nothing that keeps me grounded nd im just floating away nd im constantly being overwhelmed by my#feelings nd emotions. im like a stupid little kid who dont understand how to handle what im feeling. or make rational decisions#i feel so ... stupid and useless. i dont know what im doing. i have no idea. i have no compass. its so scary
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finished my english work, posted an aggressive instagram story rant about how lesbian exclusionism is shitty, now i shall take my meds and go to sleep 👍
#someone is very sad in headspace but we can work that out uhh. tomorrow#im in such a weird mood rn 💀 but we move
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Why are most the things I wanna ramble abt today wrt ocs more uh
Nsfw ish or nsfw territory
#jusT i feel kinda shame sometimes rambling abt those things but thats the uh. ✨trauma✨#(both bc religious related trauma & also uh. other types i wont get into)#also bc i always feel weird bc im like ‘oh no ppl are gonna be judgmental of me wanting to ramble more abt this sorta thing w my ocs’#on the days that this happens ofc. & its still hard sometimes to not feel shame ig?#but yeah its one of those. days or whatever which…. why @ self#its probably the low filters i have atm (bc exhaustion always makes em come down & ig that has.#been happening more frequently whdjsf)#(& given i rarely get to ramble abt these things well. then when filters come down & having s space for it well… yeah)#still tho its that. self judgment & this whole ‘tf is your issue’ @ self#idk man i have also been in a weird headspace rn in gen so#ishtar rambles ;
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whenever i unmask in front of people they think im mad lol
#vent#sort of#im in a weird headspace rn after the family visit so i might sound a lil more unhinged or angry but just know that im just tv static#also ty guys for sending me lil asks dlkjgldfkj it’s been a nice distraction#anyway im gonna go listen to country music in the bath#toasty thoughts
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it’s so funny that my gut reaction used to be to make comics. I have so many unfinished sketches sitting on my computer 😭 now im just incomprehensible for an hour or so and everyone has to suffer
#deer rambles#im not kidding i have like an old LIST of angry comics because of this series#and they will not get finished because idk im in a weird headspace about art rn
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