#im honestly so mad it was on thirteen reasons why
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radiantmists · 10 months ago
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always makes me laugh in vague annoyance when i see the night we met on a character/ship playlist and they're clearly going for the moody ghosty aesthetic, but they've just as clearly never listened to any other lord huron because there are several other lord huron songs that fit that ship infinitely better
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the-fandom-hopping-mage · 1 year ago
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thoughts on the doctor who special
so this list got way too long i guess i think a lot while watching things
oh the bright side my irl friends haven't gotten spammed with 80 million messages, just the internet people :) :)
read at your own risk
david tennant! !!!!!!!!!!
what's he doing in space why are they talking to us this is so stupid i love it sm
lol the first thing they do is give him like three sequential heart attacks LEAVE HIM ALONE HE ONLY HAS TWO
wow rose is pretty
donna i'm pretty sure you have supernatural abilities at this point, how the hell do you miss everything
donna why would you give away the money (i know exactly why you gave away the money it's perfectly in character for you but also WHY)
oh no where's wilfred
go off donna beat those kids' ass
these kids are thinking they're the main characters in a sci fi show (don't tell them) they're gonna get themselves killed
girliepop that is a strange creature and you (collective) have had multiple invasions in the last twenty years don't trust it just because it's got big eyes you will get killed
both roses have trusted a creature that they probably shouldn't have just because it acted like a victim. like I can't be mad because I means they have Compassion and other nice things but cmon. common sense. please. im literally begging u.
woah did thirteen upgrade the screwdriver (i need to catch up with the other doctors after 10) thats cool
so they know all the doctor's regenerations cause timey wimey stuff
14 over here trauma dumping on this random ginger lady with cool hair
"best friend in the whole wide universe i absolutely love her" that is the sweetest thing i have ever heard
woah it's the time vortex
wait why does the time vortex have arms now
when your wheelchair saves your life
they're covering their eyes like the sun episode is it the creepy vaporization light???
i Do Not Trust the meep
"he's so cute" finally someone with common sense who also doesn't trust the meep
turn around Shawn trust me your life will be so much simpler if you turn around right now
"ferret"? omg it's draco malfoy
who is Nerys what did she do i'm so intrigued now spill the tea sis
no not wilfred :(
yay wilfred
smh doctor you are a disaster magnet
OMG HE CAN RESONATE CONCRETE :D :D :D
your poor neighbors? y'all's just gonna break into their homes? aren't the aliens gonna follow you? into other people's homes? who's gonna fix the walls? why are the houses touching is this a uk thing?? also that's not how bricks work but who even questions anything in this show there's a giant furbie and bug aliens dueling it out imma just roll with it
donna's mum is so done with the doctor's shit i'm so sorry ma'am
once again, nobody's gonna question the B&E you've got going on? no one?
ooh that's a nice door
are we completely sure he can drive a car? i mean look at how he drives the tardis I would not trust him near my car in a million years
THANK you doctor I totally called it the oversized furbie is not your friend why do they always trust the first alien that tells them a sob story
i'd be a good companion i would actually notice the obvious before it kills everyone sometimes characters are really dumb or maybe that's just the plot armour
he has a washington wig now what is going on 🤣
living sun I knew the mind control light was familiar
the living sun went crazy did they fuck smth up last time???? or is it just a species
did it really just say "Beep of all Meeps" what even is this show 🤣
omg david youre so cute
honestly he was asking to be knocked out
Shawn and Rose must be so confused. an alien shows up. donna's mum is very insistent about how it's not real. random guy from downtown shows up. claims to have two hearts. knows wilf. has a magic screwdriver. breaks into multiple houses with them. aliens are attacking. strange man holds a court session in an underground car park. strange man gets knocked out and you are all put in a creepy government van.
donna here finally asking some reasonable questions
"i don't know him" two seconds later: *exchanging looks*
donna found herself a good man
not even in this new body for 24 hours and he's already getting so much head trauma
'a great day for meepkind' didn't you say you're the last. great day for you you mean.
oh they're gonna join wheelchair ginger lady
OMG THERE SHE IS
ROCKET LAUNCHERS
according to subtitles her name is shirley its very fitting like a sherley temple
THE DOCTOR OMG THAT WAS THE FIRST TIME EVER
oh hey its the room hes floating in that one pic
"Love the running."
respect for david just casually climbing up a wall i could never
besties fr
give this man a break hes so sad
that one random kid is having the time of his life
is she really gonna chew him out for taking her memories girliepop the world is ending
theyre just making up words now
WHY does he ALWAYS lose the ONE PERSON that can UNDERSTAND HIM like THIS its the SAME. FRAKING. POSITION. EVERY. FREAKING. TIME.
just take it away agin
NO DONNA
why is this face so suicidal its actually concerning
ROSE YES
The Master's back again I'm calling it now
"Enigmatic, that is textbook enigmatic."
Crowley voice coming out
As a viewer I'm cackling as a writer i'm confused but I'll just let it go
wink wink wink
see what i did there
Shirley is just "yep regular tuesday this is normal i'm gonna get such a pay bonus OO BUBBLES"
rose: I wanna see! Doctor: yes! Donna: NO! Doctor: I mean no, that's what I said, no.
BESTIES THEYRE SO CUTE
Shawn: Yeah. True. But he's obviously a gay fruitcake so we're fine.
doctor is so offended he's like "what am i not a threat anymore wdym im totally attractive :( :( :("
woah the tardis changed I dont like it
most ADHD doctor ever
OOOO the round things change colors now
BEST
IES
because every time he visits with the family, donna, he loses them. he lost you and it killed him, so its gotta be a big goodbye.
Not even ten minutes and you've broken it, I mean relaly doctor give her a break
the tardis deserves better than this trainwreck of a time lord
"We CoUlD eNd Up AnYwHeRe In AlL oF tImE aNd SpAcE" bro don't pretend for one second that you know where/when you're going on a regular day. 90% of episodes are "oh hey lets go somewhere unknown and see what happens" or "oops the tardis is bringing me somewhere weird" or "oops I messed up this wasn't where/when I meant to go"
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luffythinker · 1 year ago
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Alright, lets put this in two different sections
Naruto universe
My hero universe
just gonna talk about the Naruto universe right now
In the Naruto universe i think Bakugo as a bully as he was when he was a kid would not par-take in shunning Naruto for the reason he was shunned, i think Bakugo would stay away from him simply because he’s “weird” he doesn’t listen to the rumors and stuff and honestly i think Bakugo would have Naruto on his list of people he wants to fight at the academy. Deku on the other hand would be Naruto’s friend i also think Deku would be like Lee and not be able to use ninjutsu or genjutsu so Naruto would honestly, as a kid be friends with Deku this would make Bakugo angry cause Bakugo pegs me as the ‘nobody can be friends with a loser like Deku except me’ and he would think Naruto is trying to take the one person who chases after me and thinks im cool.
Enough about the kid life i want academy life, i like to go by canon in events so we know Neji Lee and Tenten grauated from the academy earlier because they are older by a little bit i guess? i think some of Deku’s class would be included in their class so it makes room for Deku, Bakugo, Uraraka and Iida to be in Naruto’s class.
Bakugo would absolutly hate Sasuke he would absolutly believe his clan the Bakugo clan is the best clan in the leaf village and he wants to prove either he can be better then hokage or be hokage which he gets into a fight with Naruto about all the time. Bakugo still being mad with Deku because he can’t use any form of jutsu so why is someone like him even here? Lee would probably be a inspiration to Deku they are so similar to eachother it’s cute and needs to be explored. ANyway Uraraka would probably not be friends with Sakura or Ino because (Love Sakura to death i really do but we all know she was super mean as a kid she didn’t know any better i blame and don’t blame her for it i had a whole theory that she was only this way because she acted how Ino act as a kid but we wont get into that right now) ANYWAY AGAIN teams are made (I have not finished Naruto yet but idc for spoilers so talk about it to your hearts content with me)
There is Team 7, Team 8, Team 10 and Team Guy.
Team 9 - Bakugo Kirishima Kaminari - Squad leader - Aizawa
Team 6 - Deku Iida Uraraka - Squad leader - All Might
Team 1 Todoroki Momo Jiro - Squad leader - Midnight? or Endeavor??
Team 2 Jirou Mina Sero - Squad leader - Present Mic
Team 3 Tokoyami Shoji Mineta - Squad leader - Cementoss? or Midnight??
Team 4 Sato Ojiro Koda - Squad leader - Thirteen?
Team 5 Aoyama Toru Tsuyu - Squad leader - Snipe?
if you could think of better teams let me know
sasuke rescue mission i think Deku would help even if he and Sasuke probably had a lot of bad run ins everytime Deku interacts with Sasuke it would be to help his character Deku would say everything Sasuke needs to hear even if he didn’t wanna hear it, he may not want to listen and he needs to hear it but it would just not be the right time to hear these things so he would probably also want to fight Deku for being strong just like Lee he’s a target to Sasuke
I KNOW DEKU WOULD COME GUNS BLAZING TO FIGHT SASUKE OFF NARUTO he would have to be too injuried to help in the battle and feel like losing Bakugo for Naruto at the lost of Sasuke this is a you got hurt and im bleeding kind of pain cause that’s just the kind of person Deku is this would hurt him but not as much as it hurt Naruto
Bakugo would be there as well to back up Shikamaru when shit hit the fan, Temari Kankuro Gaara Bakugo Kirishima and Kaminari helping out in those fights to aid Neji and Choji and Kiba
I feel like Uraraka could sort of help convince Sakura to be a little nicer to Naruto ealier just cause she couldn’t stand to see her treat him that way it just isn’t right but it would make the mission a little less impactful to her character so i feel like Uraraka or Deku would talk to Sakura after it and this would help ease her into being super glue tight buddies with Naruto early on in turn being friends with Deku and Uraraka as well I don’t think Sakura would like Bakugo at all but she can understand his strength demands respect i can see Bakugo saving Sakura in a mission and her getting mad at him
Kirishima would be friends with Kiba i think he would nobody could stand Neji except Deku probably Kaminari might glue himself to him too once he becomes a better person as well
the rookie 20+ lmao
Todoroki would relate to Gaara so hard after they've both been helped AND YOU KNOW WHAT actually lets make Todoroki family half Suna his mother comes ACTUALLY WAIT AGAIN lets actually make his mother from the Land of Water and his dad from the leaf this makes everything hard on Todoroki
I can see Momo maybe being from Suna? she would be friends with Temari her and Jirou i could see it
Shoji and Kankuro could be friends maybe? lets maybe also put him in Suna???
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? Todoroki would so fit in being apart of the Hyuga clan i keep switching sides with Todoroki but Rei as a Hyuga and Todoroki being a cousin to Neji had theory that the Uchiha clan was a Hyuga branching clan because it said that it was believed the sharingan came from the byakugan so if we are not introducing new jutus (which we probably are)
im gonna talk about the other way around in my hero universe another time my fingers hurt from typing ronewgjienhvrhtsj
Okay, let's go!!
Oh, i love that, Bakugo would not want anything to do with Naruto but he wouldn't really do anything (kind of how Shikamaru was, he knew people didn't like the guy but he was like yeah whatever), a fight between the two of them would go crazy, I wonder how that would go [lowkey still think naruto would win]. Izuku and Naruto would be besties so much, they would bond over the village hating one of them and the other not being able to use ninjutsu and hype each other up saying they could still reach their respective goals!! Love the concept of Bakugo being "posessive" over deku without ever admiting that hihihi
Hokage Bakugo is something I would really love to seekjdfjkdfjdf bc I can't imagine at all him being great at it, I think it's more about the position of power than the job itself that attracts him. Really don't see Ochako and Sakura as friends, Uraraka is such a nice and gentle person I don't think she could get along with Sakura at first, only if they were forced some proximity and got to know each other a little bit better (i love sakura, I think she's great but def not the easiest person to be withjdfjk)
team 9 - bakugo, kiri, and denki in one team is such a chaotic pick, like omg poor Aizawa, I wonder how he has energy for these very active boys
team 6 - solid team, I also thought of them as a team at first
team 1 - I feel like they would need somebody more firm to get the team moving but I'm happy with these
I think the other teams are pretty balanced too tbh!!
Deku would definitely join, it's just in his nature to help, especially since it would mean a lot to Naruto. AND YEAH HE WOULD FIGHT HIM FOR HURTING HIS FRIEND, SASUKE WOULD GET AWAY BUT NOT WITHOUT GETTING HIS ASS BEAT (and the other way around too cause at this point Izuku would not be able to win). love the idea of team 9 going there for backup too!!
I agree, I think if there were to be a talk it would be after Sasuke leaves and after they get back from the failed mission, ochako probably has a heart-to-heart with her about how she's not the only one hurting from this situation, etc; I can see sakura tolerating bakugo, but he's just not the kind of guy she would want to be close withkjdfjkd she respects him but that's about it
kiri and kiba would be such good friends for sure, they just have the same aura i think; i feel like todoroki could become close to neji, who else outside of the hyuuga clan could understand fucked up family dynamics
can see how todoroki and gaara could hit it off after gaara is saved, but i think he would hit it off best with his sibling tbhsdjhds
momo and temari being friends, now that makes so much sense, they would do each other's hair
OMG I'M SO GLAD WE THOUGHT ALMOST OF THE SAME THING, BC YES TODOROKI IS SO HYUUGA CLAN CODEDKJDFJKDF
I'm loving this discussion, we can get into the my hero universe some other time, have a great day anon <3
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variousqueerthings · 9 months ago
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[IMAGE ID: A scale from twink-to-butch with a picture of each of the main doctors from doctor who. The scale runs like this:
five (peter davison), ten (david tennant in his thirties), eight (paul mcgann), one (william hartnell), eleven (matt smith), three (jon pertwee), fourteen (david tennant in his fifties), thirteen (jodie whittaker), six (colin baker), two (patrick troughton), four (tom baker), fifteen (ncuti gatwa), seven (sylvester mccoy), twelve (peter capaldi), nine (christopher eccleston)
END ID]
I HAVE MY REASONS! INFALLIBLE REASONS! TOTALLY OBJECTIVE REASONS:
fifth doctor: twink. Listen, five was not the first to faint, by a long shot, but five gave the impression of a soft, wide-eyed confusion + silly British schoolboy aesthetic, this ain’t just a twink, this is a sub! Look at her hair. That bitch. Originator of true twinkishness on doctor who
tenth doctor: twink. Successor of twinkdom. Is it funnier that it’s peter davison and dt? Yes, absolutely. ten took from the playbook of five, just a baby boy having several years of bad days – the epitome of “I want that twink obliterated” (sayeth the narrative)
eighth doctor: I am going to be honest. I could have put eight at fourth spot, but I think I cannot dishonour eight’s particular aesthetic, or that iconic hip pop. Also the way he offered that cop a jellybaby only to steal his gun and threaten to shoot himself? Im gonna call that twink behaviour
first doctor : I believe that the only thing that separates the first doctor from twinkdom is time. First one is twink, then, eventually, bitchy old man. The actual original twink, if you will, and I think that needs to be honoured. One is like quentin crisp, the grand dame of the show
eleventh doctor: you might think he should go higher up the list, but I don’t think this is a real twink. Moreso at first, less so the further along his series we get, but skinny and manic doesn’t a full twink make necessarily, he’s not got enough of that oooh I’m just a baby booooy vibe to him, he’s just got ADHD and a god complex. He does have his twink moments though, I am not denying that! It’s just not the core of his self
third doctor: I considered and umm’d and ahhh’d about putting him higher up the list, but in the end I think this is correct. I cannot say why. He’s twinkish, foppish, dandyish, but he’s also action hero James Bond doctor. He coos and flutters his eyes at the master and does drag, but honestly he’s just too distinguished for complete twinkdom. Camp, not so twink. In fact the camp is almost genderless in its extremity. Performance!
fourteenth doctor: fourteen sits firmly in the middle for me, and maybe I’m comparing too much to ten who is such a twink, but fourteen is an exhausted creature, and thinking of gender and the nature of butch or twink, fourteen is like. Gendervoid. I’m not claiming here much butchness for fourteen. Fourteen is just. Eye of the storm for me
thirteenth doctor : I genuinely wasn’t sure where thirteen sits. Sometimes she’s pretty neutral – in fact might even put her at true neutral. But then there’s the mad professor aesthetic of the first episode. Spyfall suit. I think, honestly, she’s not butch (I’m so sorry for myself), but she’s not Not sometimes playing in that field. It’s just not often, it’s more that she’ll have a bit of fun here and there. The rest of the time she’s thinking more about eating dirt. i think if fourteen is genderless, thirteen is genderfull
sixth doctor: six is like the inverse of three to me somehow. Where three approaches genderlessness through the nature of Style, six approaches genderlessness through the nature of clown. They’re both the Performers, immediately recognisable through the over-the-top campness of them, but six undeniably just. Blows a kiss to butchness. A gay little wave
second doctor: This doctor is undeniably gay, but the twink in the dynamic is of course Jamie McCrimmon. Pretty Boy extraordinaire. Second doctor does have his moments, but we’re firmly out of twinkdom at this point. This alien is foppish (aren’t they all), but no twink
fourth doctor : this doctor is an old-timey Romantic Hero crossed with a ridiculous boy  – yes, four has poufy sleeves, but the Boy energy is a little bit butch. A teensy bit jock. Smidgeon of sweeping daredevil. A butch whose butchness is based in a regency romance novel
fifteenth doctor: this is a guess, but fifteen is giving butch to me! Fifteen is giving me an inverse of five’s “oh meeee I’m just a little guy,” fifteen is your hip, fashion-forward butch bestie, fifteen works out (this is ncuti’s influence, but listen!), fifteen is at the club in a tank top and leaving in a leather jacket (canonically)! Fifteen LOVES playing with masculinities, look at all the fits!
seventh doctor : THIS BITCH BUTCH? Yes. Seven is Dad. Seven adopted a baby lesbian, like a precursor to twelve and bill. Professor??? Hello!!! A butch aesthetic based less in the physical and more in the academic. Has the ability to be incredibly terrifying through sheer “try-it, I dare you!” energy
twelfth doctor: Is this even contentious? She’s butch – like I said the descendent of seven on the adoption of lesbian children, doing it all with high-femme master. I don’t even know what to say. I suppose the only question is, why is twelve higher than seven if they’re so similar, and all I can say is… vibes. But it could go either way. The electric guitar is something
ninth doctor: we know, but it needs to be said. We all saw your camp sir, we all saw your busted leather jacket and boots butch, we saw, and we appreciated, and we salute you, someone give this butch a forehead kiss and a sleeping pill, she’s running on zero hours of sleep and a fear that if she stops, all the trauma’s going to catch up with him
the doctor twink to butch scale is that anything?
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aareesu · 4 years ago
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halloo i saw that you were open, and i just wanna request something!
may i request a headcannon (or wtv u want!) of how suna and two other hq boys you want reacting to their child asking how they met you, aka yhe reader? if not then thats fine!! i hope you have a good day/night stay hydrated and take care of yourself babe <3
Hq boys responding to their kids asking them how they met/fell in love w you!
Pairing: timeskip!Rintarō Suna, Tobio Kageyama, Kiyoomi Sakusa x f!reader (separately) | fluff
Warnings: !!!the characters are all aged up!!! There may be some grammar mistakes, sorry about that!
requests: open :)
Word count: 1.05k
A/n: thank you for requesting, i rlly love this scenario! sorry i took so long, ive been feeling unmotivated lately but here we are. im a little unsatisfied with the ending, but it’s not the worst so i hope you enjoy :] (p.s i changed it up a bit i hope you don’t mind)
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Rintarō Suna
“Daddy, how did you fall in love with mommy?” your daughter, Yua asks him while playing with her stuffed bear.
Suna brings her onto his lap. “Well, it's a long story. Daddy met mommy way back when we were still in high school,” Yua puts down her bear and listens eagerly.
“I met her through my friends in the volleyball club. Mommy was weird at first honestly, but we bonded over our hate for Uncle Atsumu” they both laughed at what he said.
“Mommy and Daddy hung out everyday, they got closer to each other, everything was going well until they had their first big argument,”
“Oh no!” your eight year old exclaimed. “It was daddy’s fault. Daddy started the argument and they ended up not talking to each other for days. During that time, daddy realized that he had fallen in love with mommy...”
Yua can see the slight shade of pink on his face that he tried to hide but obviously, he didn’t hide it very well since she can clearly see it “Daddy’s world was just so dull without mommy, he constantly looks at his phone waiting to get a notification from mommy but she never texted him after the argument” the girl audibly gasped.
“What!? What happened after that?” she shakes his arm “With Uncle Atsumu’s help, daddy and mommy talked everything out and he ended up confessing to her too…”
He felt his face heating up as he said that, ‘so corny, y/n would never stop teasing me if she heard that just now' he thought to himself.
“Anyways, it’s your bedtime Arin, I’ll tuck you in. Goodnight.” he kissed the girl on her forehead. “Good night daddy!”. He left Yua’s bedroom and came to join you in your shared bedroom.
“What are you smiling about y/n?” he asked. “Oh it’s nothing Rin.” you said with a grin on your face.
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Kiyoomi Sakusa
“Hey dad, how did you meet mom?”
“Are there any particular reasons why you’re asking? Or are you just curious” he asks his daughter?
“Nope. We’re doing this project i-” “Yeah so basically we need it for school dad.” your son said to cut the conversation short. That’s how it always is between your two kids, they’re twins and thirteen, what do you expect?
“Well, well, alright. I’ll tell you guys. We were in the same school, but we never talked to each other.” Sakusa said while your kids fight over the paper and pen.
“Coincidentally she was also my neighbor at the time, she just moved houses because it was closer to our school,”
“Wow, it was like destiny, you guys are meant to be!” your daughter said. Both you and your son chuckled at that. “Hey..why are you guys laughing? I mean-” she was again, interrupted by her brother, who put his hand over her mouth indicating her to be quiet.
“One day when I was showering, there was a really loud bang on the front yard followed by a knock on the front door - your mother accidentally got a volleyball over the fence over to my front yard.”
“Did you get mad when you had to pause mid shower?” your daughter asks. Sakusa nods in response. “I mean I would get mad too if I get interrupted in the middle of my shower,” your son says, which made you three laugh.
“I opened the door anyway and when I was about to yell at her, I paused. I did pause because I could recognize her despite the fact that we never said a word to each other in school, and also she looked cute.” as he said that, he turned around to find you standing right behind him.
He faked jump and hugged you while you stared at him with the ‘im not falling for this’ eyes. Both of your kids cringed a bit at you both which was understandable. “Who knew that weird clumsy girl would turn out to be the love of my life?” he said pressing you a kiss on your lips.
“Mom, dad, thats really cringe,” the teens said which left all of you laughing at each other.
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Tobio Kageyama
The weather was perfect today, perfect for a nice stroll in a park with your loved ones. Kageyama thought the same so he offered to take your five year old son out on a walk at a park nearby your apartment while you stay at home and work.
“Are you sure you don’t want to come with us?. Take a break if you need to.” your husband said to you. You nodded as a confirmation, although some fresh air would be nice.
“Bye mommy!”
“Daddy look!” your son points out to the young couple who were feeding the ducks by the pond.
“Ryujin, you wanna feed the ducks too?” Kageyama asks your son who is sitting on his shoulders.
Your son nods eagerly in response. Kageyama bought a loaf of bread from a small store nearby and they headed back to the pond.
“Ryujin, do you know that daddy came here with mommy before?” he asked.
“Nuh-uh. When?” “Well, daddy and mommy came here with daddy’s volleyball team in high school,” he said as he helped his son feed the ducks.
“Mommy convinced daddy to go duck feeding with her too and we did so and she had a lot of fun. Daddy thought her smile was so beautiful, he could tell her smile was genuine and-”
“Daddy look! That duck must really like my bread!” your son cuts him off. He was a bit offended but hey, he didn’t expect a five year old to listen to his ‘boring’ story anyway.
“Were you listening to me?” he said, tickling the kid. They both stayed there for a while to play fight. “Alright, are we ready to go back home? Do you want to buy some ice cream for mommy too?”
Ryujin nods while giggling. Kageyama picked Ryujin up and followed the faint sound of the ice cream truck nearby.
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a/n: i don't normally add notes at the end of my writings, but i wanted to apologize if this turned out bad. i spent most of my times doing school right now, so im always half asleep. hope you like it anon!
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serendipityseulgi · 4 years ago
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8 Ways of Love;
— park seonghwa
according to the ancient greeks, there are eight different types of love. here is:
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・*:༅。 the one known as pragma, the enduring love.
aka, the kind of love that matures and develops over a long period of time, and somewhat rare to find. 
8 ways of love series; version i
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A love story that shows the progression of yours and seongwha’s relationship from the moment you two become friends, to lovers, to exes, and everything else in between. 
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love catalyst: the subconscious.
At the age of six years old you declare Park Seonghwa to be your boyfriend, solidifying your “relationship” with a hug.
“Eww, y/n, you have cooties!” your best friend barks, pushing you off him.
“Wha- hey no I don’t!” you squeak.
“Yes you do because Mingi told all the boys not to touch the girls because they have a disease and it’s going to eat our bodies alive!” he practically screeches getting up from the sandbox about to walk away from you.
“Seonghwaaa he’s lying!” you whine out and he huffs turning around to face you.
“Well all the other boys are listening to him so he has to be right.” 
“Well I touched you yesterday when we were playing tag and you’re fine!” you defend. “And if all girls have cooties then how come your mommy still hugs and kisses you goodbye in the morning? Wouldn’t you be dead now?”
Even at the age of 6 you were the biggest smartass Seonghwa knew.
After a moment of deliberation, he sighs. “Okay fine, you’re right.” your friend huffs. 
“So are you gonna back so we can play again?” you ask, arms crossed over your little body. 
Seonghwa nods before grabbing onto your hand to drag you back into the sandbox. 
The two of you return to making your sandcastle and it’s only a mere two minutes later does your friend speak up.“Am I actually your boyfriend now?” he asks suddenly and you whip your head towards him.
“Well I hugged you so yeah.” you roll your eyes at him and his soft little laugh makes your tiny heart jump.
Within the next week you two forget you’re “boyfriend-and-girlfriend” and go back to being the best friends you’ve always been, playing in the sandbox after school, watching cartoons at your house, and never missing a single dinner together while your parents listen to the two of you talk your little heads off.
For the record, there wasn’t much of a difference in your so-called relationship and your friendship in the first place when you were just six years old.
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 At thirteen years old, your best friend confesses he likes you.
“Okay I know this is weird because, I should see you as like, a sister or something, I don’t know!” Seonghwa rants, pacing back and forth in your bedroom as you watch him frantically explain the way he feels about you.
“You know what I mean though? You’re like, practically family to me! Right? Right...” you figure he’s talking more to himself than to you as he asks himself questions that he’s quick to answer to. “Like you’re probably gonna think I’m weird or something, but you are my best friend and I don’t want it to be weird-”
“Seonghwa for the love of god can you just get to your point.” you interrupt impatiently.
“I like you okay?” he says quietly, avoiding all eye contact with you. 
His heart is beating so fast he feels like it’s actually going to rip right through his chest. He’s never been nervous around you ever. You’re his best friend, and you have been since you were 5 years old, and he doesn’t know why he suddenly feels like you’re the only girl he wants in his life. 
When he hears you laughing at him his heart drops to his stomach and he braces himself for the upcoming rejection.
“Can you come sit next to me.” you ask, gesturing to the empty spot on your bed. 
Seonghwa complies, yet his anxiety is rising by the second. He has never been so nervous in all the thirteen years he’s been alive. He almost wants to vomit as his stomach churns at the thought of you telling him you didn’t feel the same way.
“You’re rejecting me aren’t you...” he sighs, plopping down onto the spot next to you.
You shake your head with a smile. “No idiot, I like you too. Obviously.” you roll your eyes at him.
“Wait, what? Seriously??” he almost goes into shock. “Are you joking?”
“I mean, I thought it was pretty obvious.” you shrug. “I was throwing subtle signs at you for the longest time.”
“Like what?!” 
“Like the time I kept pestering you to take me to the Valentine’s Day dance, and when I made you hold my hand during that scary movie when you know I never get scared of horror films. Oh, and the time you kept badgering me about why I rejected Hongjoong for no good reason. I kept telling you that you were the only guy I needed in my life and you were too oblivious to realize I didn’t mean it in the friend way anymore.” you chuckle.
“Oh... Oh,” Seonghwa realizes. “I really am oblivious then.”
“It’s okay, I already knew you liked me back anyways.” you smirk at him, grabbing your remote off the bedside table.
You flip the TV on as you feel Seonghwa’s heavy gaze on you. “So does this mean you’re my girlfriend?” he asks you and you pause.
“I mean technically we never broke up when we were six so you’re basically just re-asking me out.” you tease, pulling the blankets on both your bodies as you settle on a show to watch.
“Oh god, you still remember that?” 
Of course you do. 
“Obviously, how could I forget you screaming to the entire park that I had cooties.” 
He laughs at that and you can’t help but smile widely hearing him. You both lay comfortably next to one another, watching intently at the show in front of you, yet both your minds were racing at the fact that officially, you could say you were boyfriend and girlfriend. 
“So when did you start liking me?” he asks you. 
“Honestly, I think I always did.” you answer truthfully. “But, like actually realizing my feelings for you?” you pause for a moment to think. “I think it was when you got really sick that one time and your parents were away for a business trip, and my mom made me drop off soup to your house. And I was only supposed to drop off the soup but I took care of you because even when you were all snotty and gross and barely awake to hang out with me, I kinda just realized I’d rather spend my time with you doing that than anywhere else.”
His eyes soften at you. “Aww.”
“Buuut then before that, there was also that time that Ashley told you she liked you and I got super jealous and I was actually going to shove her into a brick wall, so ...I kinda just figured...” you add.
“Way to ruin a sappy moment, moron.” Seonghwa playfully shoves you and you laugh. 
You cuddle up next to him returning your attention back to the show in front of you. Only a few minutes pass before Seonghwa speaks up again, and his question catches you off guard.
“What if we break up... like eventually?” 
You think about it for a second. “Then we go back to being best friends.”
“That easy?”
“That easy.” you nod. 
“For the record though, I don’t ever want there to be a time where I don’t like you. I hope there isn’t.” he says.
“I hope there isn’t either.” you assure, and just like that, you two go back to watching tv.
You’ve always had a soft spot for Seonghwa so it never came as a surprise to you, or anybody for that matter when you figured out you had a little crush on your best friend. 
In a hypothetical situation, if somewhere along the way your feelings ever started to fade, you still couldn’t picture a life where he wasn’t right beside you no matter what. He was your person, and he has been since you two were five. There was nobody in this world that could replace the bond you had with him.
Even at the age of thirteen, you knew you wanted Seonghwa to be there for the rest of your life.
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At the age of fourteen and a half, you and Seonghwa have your first ever fight where he conveniently declares that he loves you for the first time. 
seonghwa <3; received 4:24 pm
y/n can u not be like this and talk to me :( 
plsssssss
i’m sorry
can u let me come over and talk to u
Your phone continues to buzz as you stare at it beside you, rolling your eyes at his insistent messaging.
You try your best to ignore it but the continuous beeping irritates you to no end.
you; delivered 4:26 pm
no
i’m mad at u.
seonghwa <3; received 4:26 pm
:(
you; delivered 4:27 pm
can u like do smth with ur life instead of bothering me
seonghwa <3; received 4:27 pm
ouch.
Okay, you admit. That one was a low blow and for a second you almost feel bad until you’re reminded of the fact that you were still royally pissed at him.
you; delivered 4:28 pm
ur actually annoying
seonghwa <3; received 4:28 pm
ya ik i am
but yk what i’m not
someone who is going to do nothing about their gf being mad at them
so open ur window bc im climbing up so i can apologize
stop being a meanie and let me say sorry
Despite how mad you still are, your heart can’t help but skip a beat reading his messages. No matter how hard you wanted to stay angry at him and tell him to go away, you knew you wouldn’t be able to resist him even if you tried. Seonghwa was charming like that, always managing to sweet talk you in every way. 
You crack open your window and see his tuft of black hair climbing up your ladder. As he hops into your bedroom you fold your arms across your chest, not daring to say a word to him until he speaks first.
“Look, I’m sorry for being an ass earlier.” Seonghwa apologizes, and all you do is look at him. He sighs before continuing. “I was just having a bad day and took it out on you and I shouldn’t have blown up on you during class. I get it. Dick move.”
“But then you had to go and talk to Ashley about it?” you added. “That was like the worst part of it! Do you trust her more than me or something?”
“What? No! Of course not!” he panics. 
“You, and everyone else and their mother knows she’s like obsessed with you!” you shout in frustration. “She’s liked you for so long, do you know how stupid you made me look running off to her knowing how she feels about you?!”
“That wasn’t my intention-”
“Were you trying to make me mad?”
“No, y/n.”
“Did you do it to make me jealous?”
“No!”
“So why Seonghwa, did you have to go and vent to her after you yelled at me in front of everyone when all I did was try to help?”
“I don’t know, okay!”
“I just don’t understand why me of all people you had to take it out on. When all i’ve literally done for you for like the last ten freaking years of us being friends was listen to you when you had a bad day or try to cheer you up when you were down! Never once when I was feeling crappy did I take that out on you. Never.” you explain with a heavy sigh. 
“I’m sorry.” he doesn’t know what else to say because he knows he’s in the wrong. 
“Do you like her or something?” your voice is quiet and the hurt is evident. “Cause if you do just tell me.”
Seonghwa is quick to shut you down as he pulls you into his arms.
“No, no, no. Y/n, I don’t like her. I don’t. Please believe me.” he begs. “Look, I don’t know why I went to her when I should’ve gone to you. I couldn’t even begin to explain what was going through my head at that point because I don’t know. But I love you, okay? I would never, ever like Ashley.”
Your eyes widen and you pull away from him. “W-what did you just say?”
“I... um...” Seonghwa starts to fumble over his words because he didn’t exactly intend to tell you, but it sort of just came out and now he’s starting to panic.
“Do you mean it?” you ask.
He just nods, a little embarrassed at his sudden declaration.
“I love you too.” you say softly, and he relaxes.
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
"I’m really sorry, y/n.” he pulls you close to him, burying his face into your hair as he hugs you tightly.
“I’m sorry too.” you murmur against him.
“I hate fighting with you.” he mumbles.
“Me too.”
“I promise I’ll never take my anger out on you again. And I’ll never talk to Ashley again. And I’ll literally do whatever you want me to if it means you won’t stay mad at me because I don’t like it when you’re mad at me, and I hate making you sad.” he rambles and you let out a small chuckle.
“Just come lay down and watch Friends with me.”
“Okay.”
And you ultimately forget that you’re mad at Seonghwa because you decide that you can’t really stay mad at him after he tells you that he loves you. And although all is forgiven, he still decides to grovel for the next week as a reassurance that he really meant his apology.
So at fourteen years old, you have your first, and last fight with him.
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At the age of sixteen, you celebrate your three year anniversary with Seonghwa, and decide you were ready to lose your virginity to him.
“Okay I know you said that the expensive dinner date was enough of a present for you, but you know me and always overdoing it....” he says behind you as you hear the crinkling of a bag behind you.
“Seonghwa...”
“Trust me, babe. You’re gonna love it.” he assures as he walks over to you.
Your eyes instantly fall onto the small red velvet box in his hands and your mouth falls open.
“This was expensive wasn’t it?” you pry and he shrugs.
“Maybe, but I was saving up for it for a while now.” he responds, sitting next to you as he hands you the box.
“I always feel bad every time you spend money on me.” you sigh as your fingers smooth over the velvet.
“I know but it was worth it, trust me. Open it.” Seonghwa urges.
You pull apart the bow and lift up the lid, your eyes widening in awe at the shiny ring placed inside. You lift it out gently noticing the small engraving on the inner part of the band, with both your initials and a small ‘i love you 4ever’ written underneath.
“Oh my god,” you utter. “I love it.” you place the ring on your finger.
“Good because I have a matching one too.” your boyfriend grins at you as he pulls out another box lined with a silver band with that very same engraving. 
You pull him in for a hug as he wraps his arms around you instinctively and all you can feel right now is an overload of gratitude for him. 
“I actually love you so much.” you say, pulling his face towards you to press soft kisses all over his face.
“Yeah, I know I’m the best,” Seongwha chuckles. “But I love you too baby.”
Your lips mould together perfectly, the kiss slow and soft at first. His hands wrap around your waist and your mouth moves gently against his. But soon enough you’re clinging to him and his body is pressed against yours, the kiss growing more needy and intense.
You knew when things started to get heavy he would stop the both of you from going further, never wanting to push you to discomfort. The furthest you had gone with one another was only third base, but it never went further than that and Seonghwa always left that decision up to you if you wanted to take it there.
You figure if you don’t speak up now, he was going to cut this short, so it’s only then at this very moment do you decide you wanted him to be your first.
“Do you want to have sex?” you blurt out suddenly and you swear you’ve never seen your boyfriend’s eyes go so wide before. 
He opens his mouth to speak but he can’t seem to find the right words to say. “I- um, wait, are you being for real?” he stutters. “I mean, I do want to, but, are you sure you want to?” he asks, still in disbelief from your question.
“Shit, sorry I know that was really sudden to ask, but I do want to.” you assure. “But only if you want to.”
“Of course I want to.” his eyes soften, and his hand finds yours in an instant delivering a comforting squeeze.
“Okay so come here and kiss me again please.” you say quietly.
And just like that, Seongwha’s soft lips land on yours once more. Without breaking apart he gently guides you to the head of his bed, laying you down underneath him as your bodies press up against each other.
You swear you can kiss Seongwha for hours and never grow tired of the feeling. You get drunk off his kisses, unable to think of anything else but him. It’s dizzying really, but you love it. You find that off all the things you love about him its his lips, and how impossibly soft they are and how familiar they feel against your own. How much comfort it would bring you, and how all you had to when you had a bad day was just kiss your boyfriend for however long he let you.
It felt like home.
His lips trailed lower to your neck, littering soft pecks across your skin. Quiet noises escape your lips and Seongwha can’t help but grind against your lower half. His hands travel across your body and the ache between your legs grows by the second, and the only thing you can think of is how much you love him, and need him.
Your mind kind of blurs because the next second you find yourself both naked and he’s fiddling in his drawer to find what you assumed to be a condom. He notices your curious stare as he opens his mouth to speak. “M-my dad told me to keep these in here,” Seongwha stutters. “He said to be prepared in case the time comes, and well, here’s the time I guess.” he laughs lightheartedly and the very sound makes your heart swell. 
“Nice call on Papa Park I guess,” you joke and Seongwha chuckles.
He climbs over you and delivers another peck to your swollen lips. “Okay, no more mention of my dad please when I’m about to put my penis in you.”
“Sorry, sorry.” you chuckle nervously as your boyfriend pulls you in for another kiss. 
"Okay, if it hurts tell me to stop and I will, alright?” his eyes stare deeply into your own.
You nod at him with a small smile, admiring what little of his face you could see in the darkness of his room. “I will, don’t worry.”
“Okay.” he sighs, positioning himself in front of you. “I love you.” he whispers against your lips. 
“I love you more, baby.” you say to him before you feel him push himself inside you. You gasp at the feeling and he stills in his spot to let you adjust. 
And once you signal that it’s okay for him to move, he does at a slow pace, and you gasp at the intense pleasure. Even though the pain has subsided his thrusts are still slow and controlled, and you don’t know if it’s because he’s afraid to hurt you, or if he just wants to revel in the feeling of you around him. Either way your heart fills with love for this one boy. 
“I love you so much, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, you  know that?” he whispers in your ear and your eyes shut at his words and the newfound feeling you would grow to love. “and thank you for trusting me right now...” his breathing grows heavy. “because I would do anything for you, and I just want you to know that, okay?”
You almost feel like you could cry because above all the pleasure that you’re experiencing right now, his words feel different, more intimate, and all the more meaningful to you. 
And you believe every word he says because you know he truly means it.
“I would do anything for you too.” you repeat his words back to him and he buries his face into your neck as he continues to thrust into you. 
So at sixteen years old, you have your first time with the love of your life. And you tell yourself that no matter what happens between the both of you, you were never going to regret giving that part of yourself to him. 
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At the age of eighteen years old, you do the unthinkable.
You decide after a long and heavy conversation, you two were going to break up. You were both set to leave town to pursue your studies at your dream schools, and you felt that parting ways at this point was the better option.
While you two could figure out a way to make things work while half way across the world from each other, you had to take into account all the factors that would drive you two apart. The time difference, the long distance, the fact that you were inevitably going to meet new people, and that you simply did not want to hold each other back from experiencing a life without one another. 
Because all you’ve known almost your entire life was being with Seonghwa, and him with you. You knew it was only fair to give each other the chance to explore something new, and now was that time.
It wasn’t an easy decision by any means, and although it was an amicable split, you’ve never felt the pain of a broken heart before. It hurt really bad.
Your friends and family decide to throw you both one last goodbye party, wanting to celebrate this special milestone with you. And of course there was no way you and Seonghwa could pass up the last good night you two would have together as a couple.
The party was fun at first. The dancing, the singing, the laughing, and the endless exchange of pictures as you guys shared the last few memories you would have as high school graduates. 
But as the night started to creep in, you both realized that in less than 24 hours, you two would no longer be attached to one another like you had been for the last thirteen years. And after five years as a couple, you still couldn’t believe that your relationship would come to an end, just like that.
You hear the faint music in the background of your house, as you and Seonghwa sit in your backyard, gazing up at the stars.
“This fucking sucks.” Seonghwa sighs, resting his head on your shoulder as you lean your head on top of his. 
“I know.” your throat burns, suppressing the urge to cry. 
“I just didn’t expect this day to come. I never thought we would actually break up with each other.” he admits, and you nod your head in agreement. 
You grab onto his hand rubbing comforting circles onto his skin, and you feel Seonghwa’s body start to shake next to you. You don’t want to look at him because you know if you see him cry, you’ll cry too.
You close your eyes trying to control your heavy breathing and the quivering of your lips. Your eyes are watering but you refuse to let your tears slip, and your heart hurts like it’s never hurt before, and you don’t know if the pain will ever go away.
“Seonghwa I really love you.” your voice breaks and you finally let the tears fall.
“I know, baby.” the pet name has always affected you, but now more than ever it tugs at your heart strings in a bittersweet way. “I really, really love you too. Always.”
“You know you’re the love of my life right? You’re always going to be.” you state and he delivers a squeeze to your hand in acknowledgement.
“And you’ll always be mine.” he answers back. “You’re my best friend in the whole world and the last five years with you as my girlfriend will forever be the greatest five years of my life. I will always stand by the fact that you are the best thing to ever happen to me.”
As you stare at one another with teary eyes, he knows you’re saying the same exact words to him. He doesn’t need to hear you say it, nor does he expect you to. Your eyes say more than enough to him.
You look down at the rose gold band around your finger and you realize how long you’ve kept it on, never once taking it off since that day Seonghwa gave it to you. “Do you want your ring back?” you utter, your eyes watering once more.
Seonghwa shakes his head. “Please keep it. Because I still mean it. And I always will. I’m gonna love you forever, y/n. Even if you decide to take it off, if that’s the last reminder you have of how much I love you, then please keep it.”
Your heart is hurting, and the tears seem never ending as they continue to fall down your cheeks. “I don’t want to leave you Seonghwa.” a sob escapes from your lips, and Seonghwa squeezes your hand again.
“I know, baby but you have to. You’re going to the school you’ve dreamed of going to since you were in the fourth grade. You’re going to accomplish so much and a build a great life for yourself, y/n. And even though I won’t be physically with you, I’m always going to support you every step of the way.” he assures.
You knew in a perfect world you two didn’t have to break up. But long distance was a bitch, and you moving across the world was never going to be easy on him. You couldn’t force each other to wait for the other. Not when the both of you had to start a whole new life separately. You had to let each other go.
You turn to face him, your teary eyes staring into his own. “I’ll always support you too, okay? No matter what. I want you to make the most of your time in Seoul, study hard, surround yourself with good people and have the most fun you’ve ever had. You’re gonna make so many friends and pursue the career you’ve always wanted and experience new things that you’ve never done before. And most of all, you’re going to meet a girl and love her just as much as you loved me. And you’re gonna fall in love all over again, and just be happy. Just promise me that you will make the most of your time over there and live your life to the fullest. Don’t look back, don’t wait for me. Just live until I get to see you again.” your voice breaks. “And if somehow we find our way back to one another, then just know everything we did up to that point was worth it.”
Seonghwa lets out a sob and nods. “I promise.” his voice breaks and you pull him in for your last goodbye kiss.
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At nineteen, you visit your hometown for Christmas, which was the first time you’d be back in a year and a half. 
Having missed out on the chance to visit last year with your busy schedule, you made sure not to pass up the chance to see your family and friends. The more you grew accustomed to your new home you managed to find a good balance between school, work, and your personal life, so you found that this year was finally a good time to return back for a visit.
And there was no better time to come home than for Christmas day.
“Yeah, just landed at our layover and waiting for the next flight.” you say to your mother over Facetime.
“That’s great honey, I’m so excited to see you.” she smiles at you and you return the gesture. 
“I missed you mom.” you say.
“And I missed you even more.” 
You two continue conversing amongst one another, as she filled you in on all things you missed while you were gone before a voice interrupts your conversation.
“Hey babe, here.” Juyeon says, handing you a coffee as he presses a small kiss to your forehead.
“Oh thank you.” you murmur with a small smile as your boyfriend sits down next to you.
“Oh hey miss y/l/n!” Juyeon greets seeing your mom’s face plastered on your screen.
“Juyeon!” she squeals excitedly. “I can’t wait to finally meet you in person instead of over video chat. It was about damn time.” she states and you and your boyfriend chuckle. You hand him your phone allowing them to talk with one another and you smile fondly at the newfound bond between Juyeon and your mother.
“I know, I can’t wait to meet all of you guys too! I know y/n’s been really excited, it was all she could talk about for the last three weeks.” he teases. “And she says you make really good pie so i am definitely looking forward to that.”
“That is such an understatement, I make the best pie.” she scoffs. “And I made one specifically for you.” your mother beams.
After a few minutes of playful banter exchanged, Juyeon hands your phone back to you. “I’m gonna go to the bathroom before we board, I’ll be back.” he excuses himself and you nod in acknowledgement. 
“Oh y/n, I just thought I should mention Seonghwa and his family are coming over for Christmas dinner as well.” your mom says and the sheer mention of his name as your heart beating in your chest.
“Oh he’s back in town too?” you ask casually and she nods.
“Yup, he’s also bringing his girlfriend.” she adds.
“That’s great, I’m really happy for him.” you say with a smile.
And you meant it, truly. 
You knew of his girlfriend from the few photos he posted of her on instagram, and he seemed genuinely happy. Aside from his newfound love, he was clearly enjoying his time in Seoul like you had hoped, and it was everything you wished for him. 
You two hadn’t really spoken over the last year, and it wasn’t really on purpose, you two just kind of drifted, as expected. You two were starting fresh in an unfamiliar place, and you both were finding your way around your new homes. You two were also preoccupied with school, and meeting new people so it was sort of inevitably really that you two grew apart. Of course there were the few times you two would chat, but it never lasted long due to time differences and busy schedules. 
Although you missed him immensely, you were beyond happy for the life he started for himself, and you knew he was happy for you too. He did exactly what he promised you the last night you spent together, and that was enough to make you happy.
“Flight 219 now boarding.” the announcer calls and Juyeon meets you right on time.
“Okay mom, that’s us. I’ll see you in a few hours, bye, love you.” you bid your farewell before hanging up, and Juyeon grabs your hand leading you to the gate.
“Ready to go home?” he smiles at you, and you beam excitedly, nodding your head.
As the days pass leading up to Christmas, you spend all of your of time with your family and friends, using every second to catch up with your loved ones. You find that Juyeon is adapting well to your home life, bonding with your father and making your mother love him even more than she already did. You introduce him to your childhood friends and he instantly wins over Mingi, Hongjoong, Yunho and Jennie. You admire how much of an effort he put into forming a friendship with them because he knew how much it meant to you.
You were thankful really, to find a guy who was almost perfect for you.
But still, in the back of your mind, even though you loved Juyeon beyond belief, you knew Seonghwa would always have that special place in your heart.
On the day of Christmas, you and Juyeon set the table as you await the Park’s arrival. You were slightly nervous, obviously, given the fact that you had not seen Seonghwa in over a year and you would be meeting his girlfriend. Although you were happy for him, you still felt anxious to see him and her, and you could only hope that she was good for him, because he deserved that much. 
Only a few moments later do you hear a knock at your door and your mother walks over to greet your longtime neighbours. Juyeon stands next to you as he wraps an arm around your waist comfortingly and you relax against him. 
You see Mrs. Park first as she walks inside, giving your mother a friendly hug. Mr. Park follows suit as he greets your mother and your father with a wide smile on his face.
And then you see him.
His hair is slightly darker and he does look a little older. But other than that his face is so familiar to you and your heart beats wildly in your chest as the two of you make eye contact. His face softens when he sees you and you deliver a small wave to him as he smiles. His girlfriend trails behind him and you take notice of how beautiful she was. You smile at her too and she returns the gesture and your heart kind of warms seeing how shy she is because you always kind of knew Seonghwa would pick someone similar to him.
“Oh my y/n, how long has it been!” Mrs. Park calls towards you and you hug her tightly. 
“I missed you!” you say to her and her arms wrap tighter around you.
“I missed you too, darling. And you look even more beautiful than the last time I saw you!” she compliments. “And who is this handsome man?”
“This is Juyeon, he’s my boyfriend.” you smile, and Juyeon shakes her hand.
“Nice to meet you, Mrs. Park. Y/n’s talked a lot about your family.” he says politely.
“Y/n’s picked a good one, I see.” she winks playfully as you notice Seonghwa and his girlfriend make their way towards you two.
“Hey y/n, long time no see.” Seonghwa says and you almost melt at the sound of his voice. He pulls you in for a hug and you notice how he still wears the same cologne that you had bought him all those years ago.
“Yeah, it’s good to see you again.” you smile at him, and although it had been well over a year since you two last saw each other, there was no hint of awkwardness, just nostalgia.
“Oh, this is Juyeon.” you introduce and Seonghwa delivers a warm smile to your boyfriend, shaking his hand respectfully.
“Nice to meet you.” Juyeon smiles.
“It’s nice to meet you too, I’m Seonghwa. Y/n’s... childhood friend.” he decides to say.
“I know she’s mentioned you a lot in her stories.” your boyfriend acknowledges. “From all the things she told me you were one of the people I was looking forward to meet the most. You seemed really great to her.”
“I could only hope so. She was my best friend after all.” Seonghwa glances at you, and you know there’s a deeper meaning behind his words. “And you seem like a really great guy, so I’m glad she has good people in her life.” Seonghwa returns and you find it heartwarming how well their exchange is going.
You look at the girl beside your ex and she’s staring at you with gentle, curious eyes. “Hi, I’m y/n.” you smile at her, extending your hand out for her to shake.
“Rosé,” she beams at you and you don’t even really know her but there was something about her that assured you she was good fit for Seonghwa. “I heard a lot about you as well, Hwa’s always talking about his life back home so I’m really glad I got to meet his best friend. You were really special to him.”
You smile softly. “I’m glad I got to meet you too.” you say.
“Okay, time for dinner everyone!” your father announces and you all take a seat at the table, passing over plates of food and catching up with one another.
“So Seonghwa, how’s Seoul treating you?” your mother asks as everyone turns their attention towards him.
“Uh really good actually,” he responds. “I joined a band actually! Uh, I became friends with these really nice guys. San and Yeosang. They basically recruited me after they found out I could sing and now we play at this local bar every week on Friday’s and Saturday’s. It was really good for me, I think. It helped with my stress and stuff. And that’s actually where I met Rosé.”
“That’s amazing.” your mother comments with a warm smile.
“Yeah he was really shy at first but San kind of forced him to talk to me which I was really thankful for because I was eyeing him for a while and was too shy myself to approach him.” Rosé says. “I still remember the night he asked for my number and he was stumbling over his words and I swear he looked like he was going to pass out.” she chuckles, and everyone at the table laughs along with her.
“Oh my god I know what you mean, he also cracks his fingers a lot and starts to turn really purple when he’s nervous.” you add and Rosé points at you nodding in agreement.
“Yes! I notice that all the time!” she laughs, and you can’t help but laugh with her.
“Trust me, I have the most embarrassing stories of him when we were kids.” you say.
“Oh god, you have to tell me all of them.” Rosé giggles.
“Obviously, we have the whole night for that.” you wink at her, and you realize how easy and natural it was to talk to her, and that confirmed that you indeed really liked her. 
Seonghwa watches the exchange between you both, and as you two make eye contact with each other, a small smile appears on his face as you nod at him, silently approving of the girl he chose to bring home for this special day. His heart grows full seeing how well the two of you got along, and he’s forever grateful at how amazing of a person you were that you were so willingly to form a friendship with his new girlfriend.
Although he loved Rosé dearly, there was still a piece of his heart where he’d always love you. And that piece grows a little more when he realizes how you continue to support him, even through this unconventional situation. 
Seonghwa decides he’s going to do the same for you, because just like you were happy for him, he was happy for you too. 
Of course he was glad you found someone who could put a smile on your face like he once did, and he knows that for you to have willingly dated Juyeon, he had to have been just as great as you were. You always had the best judgement of people.
“So Juyeon, how’d you and y/n meet?” Seonghwa asks genuinely and he notices the way his face lights up at the mention of your name.
“We had a lot of mutual friends and they introduced us. It’s funny actually, I could tell y/n didn’t even really like me that much at first, she was always so disinterested when I would try and talk to her.” Juyeon laughs.
“Probably stressing too much about trivial things.” Seonghwa chuckles.
“Yeah she does that a lot, so overly anxious all the time” Juyeon notes, and Seonghwa agrees. 
“Hey,” you interrupt and Juyeon apologizes.
“Sorry babe,” he chuckles. "but yeah, I finally sweet talked my way to get her to go out on a coffee date with me and then the next day she asked to go out for lunch after our lecture. We kind of just ended up hanging out more often and well, the rest is history I guess.”
“That’s great, I’m really glad she found someone that makes her happy.” Seonghwa smiles, and you feel a sense of gratitude towards him.
The rest of the night your families converse with one another and share a few drinks, as you and Seonghwa share old stories with Juyeon and Rosé. If you told yourself three years ago that you would be sitting by the fireplace on Christmas day with you and Seonghwa as exes exchanging stories with your new lovers, you would’ve never believed it. 
But you don’t think it’s a bad thing at all. In fact you’re immensely grateful that despite not being as close to Seonghwa anymore, you were able to see each other grow and adapt with your new lives. A life where you made new friends and made new memories. Where you tried things you’ve never tried before, and explored new places. And where you could love other people and still be so insanely happy for one another. 
This was a good thing.
At one point during the night the two of you find yourselves alone, a comfortable silence filling the room as you stared at the fire in front of you, basking in its warmth.
“I missed you.” Seonghwa is the first to break the silence.
“I missed you too.” you return. “And I’m really happy for you, you know?” 
“I’m really happy for you too, y/n.” Seonghwa smiles at you. “And I really like Juyeon. He seems really great, and he makes you happy, I can see it. That’s all I ever wanted for you.”
You hum in acknowledgement. “And I think Rosé is amazing. She’s perfect for you. And I’m forever grateful that you two have each other. I know we’ve drifted over the last year, but you’re still my best friend in the whole world. And even though I don’t say it often, or even out loud, I’m supporting you through everything. As long as it makes you happy that’s all I care about.”
His heart warms at your statement and he locks eyes with you. “And you know I’m always supporting you too. Seeing you happy and thriving is the best thing that’s ever happened to you. It’s all I want for you.” he states.
Neither of you have to say it, but you know this is your unspoken way of saying that you both still loved each other greatly. You still stood by the fact that Seonghwa was, and always would be the most important person in your life, and you in his. Seeing one another content and happy despite not having each other around anymore, was the one thing that mattered to you both. The maturity and support you continued to show was only because of the immense love you have, and have always had for one another. 
The kind of love that lets you give up the person you love the most so they can have a better life without you. 
And the kind of love that’s okay with it.
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At twenty-one years old, you and Seonghwa meet again.
It’s during one of your breaks where you find yourself extremely homesick. You don’t even give your family a heads up until you’re outside your childhood home knocking at your door.
It was an impulsive decision but it’s not like you were currently in school. You had the time and the money, and you missed your hometown so incredibly bad that it only took you one second to make that decision to come back.
“Coming, one second!” you hear a male voice call behind the door and your eyebrows furrow in confusion.
“Well, that’s is definitely not my mom, or dad.” you say to yourself. “Did they move out without telling me or something-” your internal conversation is cut short as the door swings open and you’re greeted by an unexpected figure.
“Y/n?” the boy says in surprise.
“Seonghwa??” you say even more confused. 
“Who’s at the door Seonghwa?” now that’s your mother’s voice you hear and she gasps as she walks over to the door. “Y/n! Oh my god why didn’t you tell me you were coming back?!” she pulls you into her arms.
“Surprise.” you chuckle. “I kind of sort of felt really homesick and impulsively bought a plane ticket last night so I could fly back so... here I am.”
“Well come settle in! Seonghwa was just helping with some renovations in the house but I’ll let you two catch up.” your mother grabs your luggage, carrying it up to your bedroom. “Go grab a coffee or something!” she yells upstairs.
You look over to Seonghwa and he shrugs. “Let’s go then.” he smiles and your heart swells.
The two of you walk comfortably beside one another as you take in the scenery around you, missing the familiar place you once called home. 
“I didn’t know you were back in town too.” you say after a few moments of silence.
“Yeah, it was pretty impulsive too actually.” he admits as he looks at you. 
“What was your reason?” you ask curiously.
“Break up.” he states and your mouth falls open.
“Wait, you and Rosé...” 
He nods. “Yeah, things just kinda, fizzled out. You know, we grew apart, wanted different things, came to a point where we were in different stages in our life.”
“Oh wow.” is all you say. “I’m sorry to hear, she was really sweet. I really liked her.”
“Yeah, she was,” Seonghwa sighs. “I mean, we ended on good terms. We’re still friends, actually. I don’t even think I’m necessarily sad about it to be honest, it’s just different, you know? Like I know we weren’t even dating for that long, like two and a half years at most. But I just got so used to being around her and spending so much time with her, and then things just weren’t really the same after a while. It just felt odd not having someone. And being alone made me miss everything I had here so I came back.”
You nod your head in understanding. “Yeah, I totally get what you mean.”
Seonghwa raises his eyebrow at you. “You mean... you and Juyeon too?”
“Mhm,” you hum. “I think for us we just realized we were better off as friends than as a couple, you know? Like after a while the attraction kind of went away and we were only really together because it was comfortable. And we didn’t want to stay together if we weren’t in love anymore, it wouldn’t have made sense. The break up was easy and it felt right when we ended things, I kind of wish it happened sooner but, I was still thankful for the time we spent together. He is still one of my best friends so I’m grateful for that at least.”
“That’s good.” he smiles softly. 
“Hey at least we both can confidently say we have a track record of smooth break ups, right?” you joke lightheartedly.
“Thank god for that.” Seonghwa says with a laugh.
When you two enter the coffee shop you’re once again hit with a feeling of nostalgia as you think of all the times you, Seonghwa, and your friends would spend most days after school, drinking hot chocolate and eating pastries together as you all talked for hours and hours.
“I’ll get our usuals, you can wait by our spot.” Seonghwa offers, and you nod making your way towards your designated table. 
The moment you sit down you’re hit with a wave of flashbacks you shared in this very space, and a small smile creeps onto your face as you look back on all the old memories. 
After your brief moment of reminiscing, Seongwha sits across from you handing over your cup. 
“Sometimes you don’t realize how much you miss home until you’re actually back in all the places you grew up in,” you note as you take notice of the small engraving in the corner of the table marked with yours and all your friends’ initials. Your fingers ghost over the mark and when you look up at Seongwha you see that he’s also eyeing the engraving. 
“I remember when we put that there,” he recalls with a smile. “After five years of coming here and sitting at this same exact table with our friends we claimed our ownership by putting that stupid engraving that took us forever to do. As if that stopped people from sitting here anyways.” you both chuckled.
“Well at least Jennie and Hongjoong were brave enough to kick out the people who stole our spot.” you laugh.
“Yeah,” Seonghwa smiles fondly at the memory. “I still remember the days where Mingi and Yunho would bet the barista on how many butter croissants they could eat in one sitting so we could all get a supply of free hot chocolate for a year.”
“And it was only after Mingi threw up everywhere that it turned out all we had to do was ask her, and she would’ve done it anyways because we were regulars here.” you finish with a soft chuckle.
A comfortable silence fills the air as you two reminisce on the old memories of your teenage years.
“Can I ask you something?” Seonghwa says.
“Of course.”
“When you finish university,” he starts. “What are you gonna do afterwards? Like do you plan on living abroad permanently? Or are you gonna come back home?”
You pause for a second. “Honestly, after the first year there, I fell in love with the city. And I truly was planning on starting my life there and making that my permanent home, ‘cause I had Juyeon, and I had my new friends, I had jobs lined up for me after graduation, and just an overall great home.” you say. “But after splitting up with him, and sitting with the fact that I was constantly homesick, I kinda realized that this is my home, you know? Like, no matter how much I loved my new friends, and loved the city, it would never be as special to me as here. Nothing over there compared to everything I have here. And I knew you were gonna come back from Seoul after graduation, and Jennie and Yunho were gonna come back from New Zealand too. And Mingi and Hongjoong, and the rest of them were all still here... I didn’t want to be the only one gone. All my real friends are here, my family’s here... you’re here. I didn’t want to leave that all behind.” you exclaim and Seonghwa’s face softens.
“I’m really glad honestly.” he responds. “Because I missed you a lot. And it would’ve really sucked to know you weren’t gonna be here anymore when I moved back. I just really miss spending time with my best friend.”
Your heart skips a beat. “Well, you have the next two weeks to do that.” you smile up at him.
“I have an idea.” his eyes light up and you raise an eyebrow at him. “Do you wanna have a sleepover tonight? We can have a move night and order take out like the good old times.” he grins at you.
“You had me at sleepover.” you say with a smile and so he grabs your hand, pulling you towards the exit.
When Seonghwa lets you into his house you almost forget the fact that you haven’t been inside in almost three whole years. This was practically your second home and you found comfort in the fact that nothing really changed since you last saw it. Everything looked almost exactly how you remembered it, minus the new couch and dining table, and a few new paintings hung up on the walls.
“Your mom didn’t change much over the last few years.” you observe.
“Yeah, she was going to do a whole renovation like your mom, and she even planned a whole design out, but she opted out last minute. She said she wanted me to come back home to something I remembered.” Seonghwa answers. “I didn’t get why at first but it only started making sense to me the more I started visiting and realized this was like my safety net.”
“Yeah, that makes sense.” you say.
You and Seonghwa walk upstairs to his bedroom, and of course nothing changed inside either. It almost seemed like it had been untouched aside from the fresh bedsheets and clean floor. You notice the small picture frames neatly placed across his dresser table and you realize most of them are pictures with you. You pick one frame up as you remember the day so clearly. A faint smile forms on your face as your fingers ghost over the photo.
“I asked my mom to put those up again recently.” Seonghwa states from behind you. “I was gonna put more with our friends but I realized we didn’t take many with them. They were mostly just of us two. I hope you don’t think it’s weird.”
You shake your head. “No, of course not. I would never think it’s weird.” you say, placing the frame back onto his dresser.
Seonghwa tosses you one of his shirts and a pair of your old shorts that you always left at his house during your impromptu sleepovers. And suddenly you’re once again hit with a wave of nostalgia. 
“What do you wanna do?” he asks and you flop onto his bed with a deep exhale.
“Let’s just lay here for a second.” you say pulling him down next to you. “I just wanna remember everything that I missed while I was gone.” 
Seonghwa settles beside you and you can’t help your racing heart as he inches closer to you. As you lay next to one another looking up at the ceiling, your breathing relaxes and you revel in the feeling of just being so comfortable and at so at home. 
“You don’t know how much I missed this,” Seonghwa whispers next to you. “even though we haven’t seen each other in years and we don’t talk as much anymore, when I’m with you it’s like we never even left each other. Like we just pick up right where we left off. You’re the one person who’s always brought me comfort and I never feel like we have to force things with each other, no matter how much we drifted.”
You feel heat rise to your cheeks and suddenly the room feels so much warmer. Your heart beats fast and you realize how much of an effect Seonghwa still has on you after all these years.
“I think about you everyday, you know that?” you confess, turning your head to look at him. “Every time I’m out somewhere there will always be little things that remind me of you. And I think about all the places in the city I would take you, and the places I know you would love. I think about all the things you would tell me when I was feeling down, and how you would react to certain situations as if you were right there beside me the whole time. I miss you all the time.”
You both stare at one another and your eyes flicker back and forth to his lips and when you look into his own eyes you notice him doing the same. After a moment of just staring into each other’s eyes, unsure of what to do next, Seonghwa pulls you towards his face and kisses you, and the feeling absolutely overwhelms you in all the good ways.
It’s far from soft and sweet, instead heavy and messy, and so intense that your chest burns with desire. You don’t dare pull away from him even when you needed to catch your breath, because the feeling of his lips on yours after all these years intoxicates you and has you yearning for more. He’s pulling you closer to him and you feel like your body is on fire. 
Seonghwa rolls on top of you and your bodies mould perfectly with one another, as if you were both the two missing pieces of a puzzle. You can’t exactly describe the feeling but it’s overwhelming and very reminiscent and brings you back to all the times with Seonghwa that brought you so much happiness years ago. It’s a feeling you didn’t know if you would ever feel again and you missed it more than anything.
The ache between your legs becomes overwhelming and before you know it you’re begging him to touch you, and without any hesitation he does. Your bodies press tightly against each other and your desperate need for him only grows the moment he grinds down on you. 
The next thing you know, you’re both unclothed and fully exposed to one another, and you see each other in your most vulnerable states for the first time in years. When he finally pushes himself inside you the pleasure is significantly magnified as the fire inside you only intensifies at the feeling of him.
It happens quick at first but Seonghwa decides he wants to take his time with you. Like you, he didn’t know if he would ever feel you in this way again and he was going to use every second with you that he could.
You don’t know how much time has passed but by the end, you both are exhausted and sore, and panting heavily next to each other. It’s dark outside and the room is warm and even though you’re both sweaty and gross, you haven’t felt this good in a long, long time. 
“Was that okay?” Seonghwa asks, pulling your naked body into his arms.
“Yeah,” you say with a small smile. “It was perfect.”
So you lay in each other’s embrace for a while and your heart feels warm and fuzzy, bringing you an endless amount of comfort. You feel content at this very moment, and your worries are pushed to the back of your mind as you fall asleep soundly together.
It’s only at 2 o’clock in the morning do you wake up in a haze and through your fatigued confusion does your brain recall the events that took place a few hours ago. Unable to make out your surroundings in the darkness, your eyes widen not knowing if what happened earlier really happened. When you attempt to sit up you feel a pair of arms wrapped securely around your waist and your body relaxes. Soft snores escape Seonghwa’s lips and you snuggle closer to his body to feel his warmth.
It dawns on you that you still are very much in love with Seonghwa, and of course deep down you knew that you always would be. You also knew given the chance (like now) your feelings would resurface because well... they never really left in the first place.
The unknowingness of this outcome has you shifting in your spot and anxiety creeps in as you think of leaving him all over again. Because after tonight, you don’t know if you can bear the thought of parting ways with him and returning to your life abroad where you can’t tell him exactly how you feel.
You don’t realize right away that Seonghwa has woken up next to you and he only does so because of your constant shifting. It’s when he delivers a gentle squeeze to your waist do you finally take notice.
“Are you okay?” his voice his deep and tired and the sound is enough to make your heart beat fast.
“Yeah.” you reply unconvincingly, but Seonghwa has known you all his life and was also the one to date you for five whole years. He knew you better than you probably knew yourself so in an instant he could tell there was something bothering you.
“What’s on your mind?” he asks.
Your back is leaning against his chest, and you can feel his soft breathing on your neck, and instinctively he starts to rub small circles on your arm knowing that was the one thing that could calm you down.
“It’s stupid.” you say, your voice is quiet and laced with a hint of embarrassment.
“Do you regret what we did?” Seonghwa asks and you’re quick to shut down his claim.
“No! No, of course not.” you return. “It’s not that.”
“Then what is it?” 
You exhale, letting out a heavy sigh. “Seonghwa I still love you.” it’s almost inaudible to him but he knows he heard you correctly. 
He lets out a soft sigh and a smile smiles forms on his face.
“I still love you too, baby.” and when you hear him call you by the name you loved so much, you feel like you’re going to melt in his arms. “I always would remember?”
Your eyes start to water because it’s been so long since you’ve been able to say that to him, and to hear him say those same exact words back to you has a weight lifting right off your shoulders that you didn’t even know was there.
“Why’s that upsetting you?” he questions and you feel him press soft kisses to your shoulder.
“I don’t want to leave you all over again.” you admit. 
He sighs next you and attempts to pull you even closer, if that were possible.
“Well we’ll spend the rest of the time we have together and enjoy every second of it. And after graduation we’ll come back home and we’ll pick up right where we left off like we always do.” Seonghwa tries to reassure you and you shake your head, sniffling.
“That’s not what I mean...” you say. “I mean that I don’t want to go back and not be with you. I don’t want to wait out till graduation and know that we aren’t together because I don’t think I can. Not after tonight.”
It clicks in Seonghwa’s brain and he knows exactly what you mean, and so he decides now’s the time to ask you what he’s been wishing to ask you for so many years. He knows he wasn’t supposed to wait for you, but he always knew he would.
“You don’t have to then.” he states.
“I don’t?”
“Do you want to get back together?” he asks and your heart almost stops. “I mean we only broke up ‘cause of the distance right? And we both fulfilled our promises to each other that we would experience a different life and learn what it was like to not be together. We’re in our last year of uni, we’d only have to be apart for a few more months and then we’ll both be back home in no time, permanently. We would never have to be apart again.” he reasons with you.
And it did make complete sense. He was right in every way, so in truth, there really wasn’t anything stopping you from being together again. You don’t have to think much about it because the decision was already made deep down. You knew you wouldn’t hesitate to be with Seonghwa again if you had the chance, and now was that chance.
You turn to face him and even though you two can’t see each other, there’s a small smile painted on both your faces and you lean in to press a kiss to his lips. 
“Okay, let’s get back together.”
So at twenty-one years old, you and Seonghwa officially reconcile, and spend the next two weeks together like you planned, catching up on everything you did while you two were apart.
And just like he said, it was like you two never left each other.
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And now, at twenty-two years old, Seonghwa pops the question.
And you finally marry him.
"Family, friends, and all loved ones. We are gathered here today to celebrate the union of Y/n and Seonghwa. We stand here to support this couple and share the joys of their love and commitment as they solidify this partnership, choosing to spend the rest of their lives together.” 
“Through this marriage you make a lifelong promise to one another to always love, respect, trust and honor each other through anything, and everything. You promise to stay committed, and loyal, and most importantly, share your dreams, your happiness, and your sorrows with each other.” 
“From today, and this moment on, you will forever be united as one.”
You stare at Seonghwa and your heart beats hard against your chest as you stand in front of him watching his eyes light up and his smile grow by the second. You feel like you’re in a dream and everything around you feels so surreal.
Your eyes scan the alter and you see your mother beside Mrs. Park, both of them clinging onto each other as tears of happiness running down their cheeks. Their smile is wide and filled with so much love and you knew this day was something the two have been waiting for, for as long as they could remember. 
You see Mingi, and Yunho, and Hongjoong, and Jennie, your best friends who witnessed every progression of your relationship with Seonghwa from the moment you two met. They’re all grinning from ear to ear and you can’t help but laugh as they silently cheer you on from the pews.
You see your dad, and Seonghwa’s dad, and both of your grandparents, and the entirety of yours and Seonghwa’s family joined together as they smile brightly at the two of you.
And then your eyes meet with Rosé and Juyeon as they mouth a “you got this!” to you and Seonghwa, delivering a thumbs up in your direction, and your heart kind of warms because even after splitting up, the friendship between you four remained and it was evident through their support on this special day.
When your eyes lock with your soon-to-be-husband his lips quirk up into a warm smile as you mouth out an “i love you.”
“Now Y/n, Seonghwa, please join hands” the officiant states.
"Do you, Park Seonghwa take Y/N Y/L/N to be your wife?” 
“I do.” he states softly, eyes gazing into yours.
"And Y/N Y/L/N, do you take Park Seonghwa to be your husband?”
“I do.” you respond beaming.
"Seonghwa, please repeat after me.” the officiant says. “I, Park Seonghwa, take thee, Y/N Y/L/N, to be my lawfully wedded wife.” 
“I Park Seonghwa, take thee, Y/n Y/l/n, to be my lawfully wife...” he repeats.
"...To have and to hold from this day forward...”
“...For better for worse...”
 “For richer for poorer...”
“...In sickness and in health...”
“...To love and to cherish...”
“...And to honour you all the days of my life...”
“Till death do us apart.” Seonghwa finishes and your eyes start to water.
“Now, Y/n, please repeat after me.” the officiant calls on you. “I, Y/N Y/LN, take thee, Park Seonghwa, to be my lawfully wedded husband.”
You exhale before repeating his words. ““I, Y/N Y/LN, take thee, Park Seonghwa, to be my lawfully wedded husband.”
"...To have and to hold from this day forward...”
“...For better for worse...”
“For richer for poorer...”
“...In sickness and in health...”
“...To love and to cherish...”
“...And to honour you all the days of my life...”
“Till death do us apart.”
As Jennie walks over to hand over the rings she smiles brightly at you, as the crowd watches you and Seonghwa each place the new band on your fingers, signifying the start of your lifelong commitment to one another. 
“Well! By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife!” the officiant shouts with a smile. “You may now kiss the bride!”
And without a second wasted Seonghwa pulls you in kissing you like he’s never kissed you before and the loud shouts and cheers in the background fills your ears as everyone hollers around you. And when you pull away you can’t seem to wipe the smile off your face as Seonghwa carries you out of the alter.
“Here’s to our new life together, Mrs. Park.” Seonghwa says with a grin as you kiss him once more.
“I love you so much.” you say.
“And I love you even more.” he returns.
So at twenty-two years old you know that you’re never going to stop loving Seonghwa, and that love was made permanent by the unity of your marriage. From the moment you declared him as your boyfriend at the age of six, to the years you spent learning everything together as a couple, growing apart and reuniting, you know that this was a rare kind of love to find, and one that had to mature and progress over a long period of time. 
And so you remember the words you said to him all those years ago the night you parted ways, “if somehow we find our way back to one another, then just know everything we did up to that point was worth it.”
Which stayed true four and a half years later, and for the rest of your life thereafter.
LA FIN.
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la5t-res0rt · 5 years ago
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Wanted to ask about beetlelyds, sorry, I thought it was technically cannon? Like in the old comics after the show ended she grew up and married him. Sorry I’m an old school fan and have no idea why this whole thing is such a big deal. Wasn’t the actor like 20 too? I’m sorry if I sound very dumb. I’m not used to this new tumblr.
youre fine you are one hundred percent allowed to especially when you do it civilly as you have done here
first of all the biggest issue faced in the whole what is and is not canon debate is the fact that there are three (four if you count the limited comics run) publicized iterations of my media
i will go over each very briefly just kidding this is going to a long answer so i will spare the dashboard with a readmore
there is the movie which im sure you dont need me to explain the plot since youre an old school fan but basically the climax is that yes beetlejuice does go for the marriage angle in exchange for stopping the exorcism of adam and barbara and his motive for this is so that he can cause as much chaos as he wants on the mortal coil but his plan is thwarted when barbara rides a sandworm into the house which promptly eats beetlejuice sending him to bureaucratic death limbo
the end of the movie features the deetz and the maitlands happily living together with lydia havign a new appreciation for her situation and beetlejuice gets his head made real small which is very funny haha 
so no in the movie they are not canon editors note the actress who played lydia winona ryder was a teenager while filming the movie she turned 17 the year it released 
the next is the cartoon which i will admit has the most grounds for being considered canon but in the end the show is about a middle schooler and her best friend who is a ghost which in itself is a pretty iffy gray area sort of thing but for a childrens cartoon to work a friendship is better than the obvious enemy status they held in the movie
anyway in the cartoon they are potrayed to be very close friends with lydia being the person beetlejuice cares about the most and honestly if you were to watch it with no prior knowledge of the media and if you ignored their massive and obvious age difference than yeah you probably would read it as a romantic relationship 
however lydia is a middle schooler and that is simply immoral
there have been writers for the cartoon who have been credited to say that a relationship is what they were trying to invoke but for obvious reasons they couldnt exactly move forward with that angle with them establishing that lydia is a child in middle school and a fully grown adult man dating a child who is in middle school is immoral and also illegal in the united states and in canada 
this isnt a good argument for whether or not something is canon and i will tell you why with one simple name and that is luke weber
if you dont know who luke weber is he was a storyboard artist on the cartoon steven universe he is known for making a lot of self ship artwork of him and the character pearl
he worked on the show isnt his material canon no of course it isnt it wasnt put in the actual publication and also if memory serves he was eventually asked to leave the project after he drew art of the shows creator giving him permission to date pearl and calling them her otp and a lot of fans hated this because the most generally accepted interpretation of pearls character is that she is sapphic so a lot of people took issue however that again is just a widely perceived headcanon it is never stated what her actual sexuality is no one in that show is because it isnt a show about that its about wait im getting off topic sorry
what im saying is what can truly be considered canon is what you see on the screen and with the cartoon they are definitely the most friendly with each other and that is why so many people in the beetlebabe shipping community take so much stock in the cartoon because it is the easiest to read the relationship between the mas romantic although that is not what the show actually provides in black and white terms
interpretation does not equal canon and in this case no matter what anyone says the fact remains that in the cartoon itself they are friends good friends yes but friends all the same
it is definitely not a show about a grown man grooming an adult and if it were you definitely shouldn’t be stanning it the extreme because grooming a minor is wrong and it is apparently a problem in the fandom
anyway if the cartoon and the movie are both products of their time and there was more leniency on content bear in mind this was the same era as notorious animation powerhouse and known predator john k who was a showrunner on ren and stimpy and he maintained a relationship with a teenager which was an open secret that nobody really took issue with because in that time being a woman in the animation industry was tricky business and your career could be ended easily if you rejected advances luckily time has moved forward and the animation industry although still full of problems of a similar nature at least people are getting called out and punished for it
you can look more into that yourself its really upsetting though
as for comics i havent been able to find good scans of them and im not willing to purchase them but in my search i never found anything about the two of them ever being married in the cartoon again because she is a child i did find a cover where he appears to be getting married and hes asking lydia to get him out of it but im not sure where the comic actually goes all i know is she is standing off to the side shrugging and looking like she doesnt really care
anyway that brings us to the musical which is set in the modern day 
in the original libretto lydia is described as thirteen but since they got an actress who was older in the updated librettos she is listed as 15 and the story is pretty similar to the movie the young girl befriends ghosts and they try to scare her family out etc etc
the major difference between the film and the musical are that lydia and beetlejuice are more like friends like in the cartoon 
she summons him to help scare after the maitlands attempt doesnt really work so he shows up and they have fun terrorizing people together however she drops him for the opportunity to perhaps get her mom back but when no one will help she goes back to beetlejuice who tricks her into almost exorcising barbara
she agrees to marry him in order to stop the exorcism and he only wants to get married so he can be alive again and cause problems on the mortal coil like in the movie in the musical he states several times its a green card thing whihc obviously doesnt make it okay but still
anyway lydia tricks him and runs off into the underworld before the wedding can happen blah blah blah she goes back blah blah and she agrees to go through with the wedding to save her friends and family with a plan to make him go away for good
theres a very tongue and cheek song called creepy old guy which points out how wrong the whole thing is but everyone is going along with it in a very comedic matter and it includes the line 
i cant believe some cultures think this kind of things alright
basically saying yeah this is very very wrong anyway they do get married and beeltjeuice is alive for like 6 seconds before lydia stabs him to death with bad art and he dies thus nullifying the marriage because death do you part etc
so in the musical no at the end of the show they are not canon because he is dead their marriage is nullified and they go their separate ways
anyway sorry about that i just need to make it very clear that these three properties are all very distinct from each other and basically all three are indeed canon since they are publicized material and arguing the validity of which one is pointless editors note all actresses who played with the exception of dana steingold were minors for the majority of their runs as lydia with sophia ann caruso the originator of the role turning 18 during the run and dana being in her late twenties presley ryan however was a minor the whole time and still is one
tldr no they aren’t canon but to the credit of some people in this fandom their interpretation isnt too far of a stretch thanks to the era and some of the writers wishing to imply a relationship between an adult and a child
i also need to address how this is all a big deal and i suggest you take a peak through my discourse tag and check out @leedia‘s blog to see some of the more harmful things done by beetlebabe shippers
the beetlejuice fandom is home to many minors after the musical came out since musical fandom is vast and the ages of its members varies and normalizing pedophilia is harmful to them not to mention the people who have been effected by sexual harassment at the hands of adults
both sides have victims of csa but one side continues to perpetuate the cycle by showing time and time again that this behavior is normal and easily romanticized in the name of coping and literally anyone who has ever been to a good and credible therapist could tell you that posting cp even if it is simulated cp isnt a really good way to cope and you can get mad at me for saying that its totally fine but and im going to remove my character veil here for just a second as a csa survivor myself i think its harmful to not only myself but many others ok the veil is back down
tldr again there is a lot of bullying and harassment going on with both sides having their own issues but there is one side whos issues run a bit deeper in my humble opinion 
thank you for your question it allowed me to talk a lot you are welcome to discuss further with me in dms if you wish i honestly recommend giving the musical a listen because it is very fun and despite what some people say its very clever and if you get a chance to see a boot of it its visually stunning
one last note that i couldnt really fit in here but a large portion of the beetlebabes shipping community ignore the musical because it openly condemns the idea of beeltejuice and lydia having a relationship and a lot of the antis take issue with much of the writing and characterizations of the cartoon just a note that i think is important since were talking about canon
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helaintoloki · 6 years ago
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apocalypse {f.h.}
pairing: number five x reader
warnings: death, some angst, lots of language
notes: trying to fight my writer’s block and finish pieces I’ve forgotten aha im posting this at midnight rn
/inspired by the song apocalypse by cigarettes after sex/
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you’ve been locked in here forever and you just can’t say goodbye
your scraped knees and twisted ankle were the only things you could feel as you limped along the abandoned roads. they used to be a freeway, you think, but it’s hard to tell considering everything looks the same in the new post apocalyptic world: destroyed and desolate. death wasn’t a very good decorator, but it probably had other things on its mind.
today marked one week since the apocalypse had swept away any and all life from the earth, besides you, of course. somehow, you’d been (un)lucky enough to survive. who knew hiding in the dryer during a game of hide and seek with friends would pay off in the long run. and now, here you were, injured and alone-
“shit.”
or so you thought.
“hello?” you called out desperately, and the voice you had heard seemed to vanish in thin air. “i-i need help. my ankle’s twisted and i just need a place to rest.” nothing.
with a sigh, you sat yourself down amongst the rubble and pulled out your water jug from your flask. yet as you held it over your mouth you were met with nothing but air. only a few drops landed on your tongue, escaping the jug once you tapped the bottom with your palm. at this rate, you’d be dead in a few days. it’s almost impossible to survive the apocalypse on your own... unless you’re number five.
with a gun suddenly pointed at your face, a voice on the other end of the barrel demands, “who are you?”
“y/n,” you reply calmly, a sense of tiredness in your voice. he notices, but maintains his death grip on the weapon and his finger on the trigger.
“are you alone?”
“i was, then you showed up.” the boy, as you can tell by now, narrows his green eyes at you. “listen, if you’re gonna kill me, all i ask is that you do it quick. put me out of my misery.”
he’s quiet, his brows furrowed as he contemplates his next move. then, with the gun lowered, “i’m not going to kill you.”
“that’s too bad,” you reply calmly, setting your jug aside before letting your back rest against the piece of debris behind you. “guess i’ll let Mother Nature do it herself.”
“are you always this depressing?” he asks slightly annoyed.
“not usually, but when the world you once knew goes to shit... well,” you shrug, “people change.”
“self-pity isn’t a good change.”
“yeah, well neither is violence.”
“trust me, that’s the one thing that’s stayed the same,” he murmurs, almost as if he’s speaking to himself. his posture has relaxed significantly and the gun is on safety. “i’m Five.”
“well, Five, looks like it’s just you and me.”
~~~
it had been three years ago since you had first stumbled upon five, and since then you two had been inseparable. you were the apocalyptic duo (plus delores), and nothing could get in your way. in fact, it was safe to say you were in love with him, and unbeknownst to you, the feeling was somewhat mutual.
today had been like any other day. you’d woken up next to each other, eaten breakfast, gotten ready for the day, then continued your trek to god knows where. you sat in the wagon with Delores while five pulled, admiring the post apocalyptic beauty of everything around you. it was kind of poetic, really. how things seemed prettier when destroyed. or maybe you were just a big masochist. you wouldn’t be surprised after all the time you had spent with five.
“i’m hungry,” you stated aloud to no one in particular. “you hungry, Delores?”
“...”
“five, we’re hungry,” you chimed, causing him to roll his eyes in slight annoyance at your whining. honestly, he sometimes thought of you as a big baby he had to take care of. a small being who needed constant care and attention otherwise they’d die. but for some reason, five always took care of you. always. if he wasn’t such a tough guy, he’d consider it to be love. but to five, it was a silent agreement the two of you had come to; he’d take care of you and you’d make things less lonely. to five, this was enough. there was no place for love in the apocalypse.
“what do you want?” he grumbled, continuing to pull the weight of you and Delores as well as your few belongings within the wagon.
“hmm... spaghetti!”
“why do you two insist on making things so difficult?” five huffed, stopping for a moment to scan his surroundings. “i think there used to be a super market a few blocks from where we’re standing. they might have something there.”
the super market, once known as john’s grocery, was nothing but rubble and broken building, but a good survivor always knew not to judge a book by its cover, which is why you and five managed to find some pretty good shit. it wasn’t spaghetti, of course, but a can of Pringle’s and beef jerky sandwiches was like heaven to your rumbling tummies.
while Five was busy evenly splitting the sandwich Delores had so graciously offered to the two of you, you rummaged through your bag and pulled out your find: a Polaroid only slightly damaged from the blast. it only took a minute for you to insert the film and a few seconds to snap a photo of an unsuspecting five concentrating on the precision of slicing the sandwich.
“what the hell was that?” he asked, looking up at you and scowling slightly at the sight of the camera. he hated pictures.
“i found it,” you grinned, snapping another photo.
“Jesus, enough with that,” five scolded, blinded temporarily by the glare. “you’re going to get us killed.”
“no one’s out here, you’re being paranoid,” you said dismissively, smiling at the developed film. “besides, look at how adorable you look!”
five merely rolled his eyes and took a bite of his jerky sandwich. you were too trusting of the world, too naive. believing that no one could touch you, that nothing could go wrong. it’s what had gotten you killed.
it all seemed to happen in slow motion, really. one minute you’re smiling, the next there’s a bullet in your chest and you’re struggling to breathe. the blood is oozing freely from the wound, dribbling down from your mouth as you fall back with wide eyes and a terrified face.
“y/n!” five yells, not recognizing his own voice as he quickly scoops you into his arms and desperately clutches you to his chest. “shit, shit, shit.”
“five?” you gurgle, and his eyes begin to well with tears.
“you’re going to be okay, you’re going to be fine,” five repeats over and over into your hair, and he’s not sure if this mantra is for him or for you.
he feels the warm liquid spreading in between your bodies, staining his jacket and seeping through your clothing. it’s so warm, it scares him, scares him as if it’s the first time he’s seen blood in his life.
he’ll never forget the strangled cry that left his mouth as he felt you slump against him, the sudden chill he got from the cold of your body. it was what kept him awake for several nights, what kept him going, what caused him to go rouge when he had learned of the commission’s true power, their true crimes. the blood on their hands, your blood on their hands. they’d pay.
~~~
“shit.”
after explaining what was basic science to his now much older siblings and coming up empty handed in his search for caffeine, five hardgreeves decided to take a drive. a scrawny thirteen year old driving a car would have been comical if not for the situation and stakes at hand.
griddy’s is the only place he can think of to go for a decent cup of coffee, and he hopes it’s still there. and it is. it’s comforting to know that some things have remained the same since his departure into the future with you..
it’s almost empty when he walks in, except for a truck driver at the front and a girl at the very back in her own booth. books are scattered around her, a clear sign of procrastination. she reminds him a lot of-
“Y/N?” five asks bewildered. you peek up at the sound of your name, eyebrows furrowing in confusion at the sight of a stranger asking for you.
“do i know you?” you ask and shrink back against the booth as he approaches quickly. this boy you’ve never met before may be cute, but he’s approaching like a mad man.
“y-you’re here, you’re alive!”
“last i checked,” you say with an uneasy laugh. “h-how do i know you?”
“it’s a long story, i’ll explain it as we go home,” he rushes, grabbing hold of your wrist that you quickly pull back.
“go back?? i-i don’t know you!” you sputter. he sighs annoyed, impatient. he knows it’s not your fault that you have no idea who he is, but he doesn’t have a lot of time to waste.
the bells over the door chime, and five is on alert immediately. he thought he’d have more time before they found him.
“listen, i know you don’t know me, but i need you to get under the table right now, okay? you’ll be safe.”
you didn’t have time to protest as he was shoving you under. but as you watched the next scene unfold in front of you, you were suddenly very grateful you had chosen the corner booth that night.
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regalpotato · 5 years ago
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UGH IM SO CONFLICTED. I mean, I want River back, DESPERATELY. & I’ve come to the conclusion that the Moff really treated her WRONG in TNoTD. & I personally think she’s ABSOLUTELY a strong enough character to still be interesting & have stories to tell post-Library. But... I can’t shake the feeling that Chibs writing her would be a disaster. I’d almost rather Big Finish just keep her (the show can use her again in the future when Chibs is long gone but just let BF explain how she’s back)
Join the club of clowns, anon. 
The majority of River fans are SO CONFLICTED. 
Do we want more (visual) content of River? ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY. I adore Big Finish, but tbh, I really struggle with TDORS - also I’m really gay and wanna see River kicking ass with my eyes not my ears.
I understand that THORS was (for most of us) a beautiful, tear jerking, amazing send off for River. I mean, how can anyone hear “River, not one person on this ship, not one living thing, is worth you!” and decide the Doctor doesn’t care about River?? Madness. Their love is so strong and I am emotional...thanks anon. So bringing her back would possibly ruin that. 
But as @amillionmillionvoices has pointed out TNOTD comes after THORS for River, where she’s depressed and heartbroken and ‘if you ever loved me’. And even though THORS is the last thing we see of River, it’s not River’s last episode in her timeline, TDOTD is and it’s a TRASH send off for her. Which is why we need post library River more River. Also I WANT THE LGBT+ REP OF RIVER AND THIRTEEN PLEASE (because Doctor/companion pairings make me vomit, and I’m sick of Chibnall using Yaz’s sexuality as a queerbaiting show seller).
Anyway, to continue-
Moffat is a coward. 
I adore him, his mind, his writing. But he’s a coward. He MARRIED the title character of the show - a real marriage not one of the many ‘oops I accidentally married Marilyn Monroe’ (who let’s face it, was probably River anyway) kinds - and then straight after, in S7, we have a time gap, River’s parents ‘die’ in front of her, and then River’s a data ghost. WE SAW NOTHING of their marriage except for the very VERY quick scene of Eleven preening for her and flirting before she breaks her wrist in TATM. 
MOFFAT IS A COWARD. He married them, then freaked out and gave us nothing. It’s honestly bad writing. Don’t do something so big if you’re not going to follow through on it. 
Okay, mini rant out the way.
Onto another mini rant about Chibnall. 
Now...Chibnall’s mind...how do I put this. He’s got AMAZING ideas. Truly. All the story ideas are GOOD IDEAS, great stories. I love them. But the execution?? Garbage. And okay, there are plenty of people out there who loved S11, they’re not wrong to love it. The stories are good. 
But there are two things (I personally find) wrong with Chibnuts. 
1. His dialogue. It’s very clunky, and VERY expositional. It just doesn’t sound right hearing it. You know the old tip of ‘show don’t tell’ in writing, that’s actually a bullshit tip and is very situational? Well...Chibnall tells EVERYTHING. Not to mention he doesn’t put any depth into it. Thirteen hasn’t mentioned Time Lords or Gallifrey or any of that.
2. His ideas end up coming away with the wrong morals (see Arachnids in the UK and Kerblam!) that just don’t mesh with the whole ethos of Doctor Who. 
And it’s both these reasons I don’t want to see River unless a Big Finish writer or Moffat himself gets to guest write her episode. 
Because River - who gets beautiful flowing speeches in Moffat’s era - with Chibnall’s writing would turn her into the two dimensional bad girl who’s life revolves around the Doctor that River haters see her as.
Do I want to see her back? OF COURSE.
Do I want Chibnall to write her? God please no. 
Will I scream and cry and cheer if she does appear soon, even with Chibnall writing her? 
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bugoverlord · 5 years ago
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soulmate au snowbaz
Baz (3rd Year)
The day I turned 13 I was expecting nothing extraordinary. My birthday never really was a good day, and I didn't think I would get a soulmark. (To have a soulmate, you would need a soul.) 
I was glaring at Snow from across the dining hall, thinking of all the ways I could brutality murder him, when I felt a tingle across my wrists. 
On the left, it says Simon in what I’m assuming is his handwriting, and David, on the right. I let out a breath of surprise at seeing both male names for both my soulmate and my enemy. I guess that clears up my sexuality, I think. 
The Simon on my wrist has to be Simon Snow. I don’t know any other Simon’s, and we are destined to kill each other so I guess it makes sense. However, I’m still confused about David. I don't think I know a David, he’s probably some Normal, with gorgeous blond hair and blue eyes that would drive me mad. 
I guess I won’t know until I meet him.
Baz (5th Year)
Simon Snow will officially be the death of me.
He is constantly blubbering about me plotting, or trying to kill him. He won’t leave me the hell alone, and I have seen him whispering about me across the hall to Bunce, who I’m guessing is also looking for ways to make me give up my secrets.
I’m still confused as to why Snow has even started following me at football practice, sitting in the stands with a moronic determined look on his face. 
It’s honestly unfortunate that he has to stalk me now, because I have recently found that I’ve taken quite a liking to him, in ways that no sane person should think about their enemy. (I’m disturbed, ask anyone.)
I think his magic is finally getting to me, seducing me in some way. That is the only reasonable explanation to my feelings. But, that doesn’t explain why I want him to kiss me, or kill me, or maybe both.
I’ve even started staring at him while he sleeps, like a fucking creep. I honestly hate my self a little more every time I feel butterflies in my stomach from Snow glaring at me from across the room.
Baz (7th Year)
So, as it turns out, my feelings for Snow have not gone away, as much as I would like them to. It still could be his magic, but I’m beginning to feel as if it’s not the magic. I think it’s just him. Him and his magic, his fucking moles, and his hair. 
Bunce has most definitely caught on by now. She gives me a weird thoughtful look every time me and Snow are having a staring mask across the hall, but I just sneer at her. 
Snow is definitely going to kill me at some point, and I feel bad for whatever poor normal man will never meet his soulmate because of a stupid war. At least he won’t have to deal with a fucking vampire boyfriend.
Merlin, I’m hopeless.
Baz (8th Year)
I’m as emotionally prepared for my death as anyone can be. 
I have it all planned out, right before Snow impales me with his sword, or lights me on fire, or both, I’ll grab him by his collar and kiss him, just so I can die happy. Maybe I’ll confess my love for him then too, if I get the chance.
Being roommates with Simon Snow is basically torture. I just want him to love me in the way that I love him, even if it means fucking fate over.
I just want a happy ending. But it’s fruitless to hope. 
Baz (College)
I’m sitting in the living room of Simon and Penny’s apartment with Simon holding my hand and Penny reading a textbook. Suddenly she looks up from her book and blurts out “Si, what was The Mages name?”
The Mage is still a sore subject, but he’s a little better at talking about it now that he's started talking to a therapist about it.
“I think it was David or something, I don't know.” He replies.
My eyes widen, and without warning I pull my hand out of Simon’s and look down at my wrists. 
The same words that have been haunting me since I was thirteen stare back up at me.
Huh. Guess he wasn’t a normal after all.
~le fin~
THIS  IS SO BAD AHAHAHAH
im sorry u had to read this, but it was my take on a snowbaz soulmate au. (my absolute favorite soulmate au is ‘I See You’- annabellelux on ao3) (here's the link if u wanna read it: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19008814/chapters/45141712 enjoy :D)
(the fic i linked is basically canon, with fairies, soulmates, and fun party scenes.)
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fearfilledvirgil · 6 years ago
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Ivity and Anx: part thirteen
Summary: Patton has an internal struggle. Since he is bent on not remidying it himself, Roman gives him a way to solve the problem.
Warnings: abandonment issues, crying, self-depreciating thoughts, lowkey guilt tripping, pondering on thoughts, song writing
Word Count: 2708
Paring: Slowburn Prinxiety
A/N: I love how vauge I can make my summarys, okay? But. This is it. This is where things get interesting. Sort of. Sorry for the long wait again! I now have chapters written and planned out, so there won’t be a long wait again. Enjoy! (Taglist under the cut)
masterlist
Taglist: @rileyfirstname @verymuchanidiot @definentlynotjustanotherlemon @silversmith-91 @kanejandkruge @sander-fander-sides @lovecrazyjennybear @the-incedible-sulk @hexdream18243 @crows-with-hats @monikastec @definenormalifyoucan @i-am-absolute-fandom-trash @applecannibal @cats-with-blogs @bubblycricket @gay-girls-do-it-better @bunnyartie @quietlypondering @elusivefalsehoods @hghrules @royallyanxious @quietwords-loudthoughts @squishynonbinarytwink @sortablue @illogical-anxieties @savingshae @a-fander-named-skittles @thelowlysatsuma @ughthatsprettygay @im-so-infinitesimal @certifiedtrashxx @karmels-stuff @littlelogicstillcounts 
The most practical next step of action was simple. Patton understood that. It was very easy to understand, but for the most idiotic reason, he couldn't. It wasn’t logical at all, but then again, logic was never his department. It was always Logan’s, and Logan was the problem. Not him himself, but he was heavily involved. The real culprit was time and education, although it was bad to blame anyone for the current situation. Patton liked to place blame, whether it be on himself or something else, because then who was right and who was wrong could be clear. In this situation, though, no one was at fault, so maybe that was the very problem.
Another sinking feeling in Patton’s chest made him open his mouth ajar, almost gasping for a breath. The sensation twisted itself into his gut, prompting Patton to screw his eyes shut, clench his jaw, and shake his hand. No, the problem wasn’t that simple. It wasn’t cut and dry. It was Patton, sitting criss cross on the floor of his bedroom in the dark with his phone in his hands, lit up, with his thumb hovering over Logan’s contact.
Patton felt a prick of pressure begin to build behind his eyes, the pressure traveling into his sinuses and making his nostrils flare. He didn’t want to cry, but here he was with his phone screen blurring. It was silly, really. Logan had only been gone for a few months or so, but the contact that the younger had with him tapered off into something nonexistent. The sinking feeling reared its ugly head once again, this time traveling farther into his throat instead of his stomach.
He really needed to get a grip on himself, considering that as he had this thought, his sleeved hand moved to his mouth to cover a sob. Patton was not good with change, nor was he good with people leaving him. The therapists called this “abandonment issues,” but Patton’s negative thoughts just told him he was insufferably clingy. That’s why he had let his and Logan’s texting routine die. He didn’t want to be a bother. Like Patton had thought before the waterworks started, this all could be stopped by sending a simple text. It was currently early morning where Logan was living in his dream collage, so it wouldn’t be a problem. Logan was such an early bird, always sending “Good morning, Patton. Was your sleeping satisfactory?” texts at 8:30 a.m. on the dot. The thought of those texts and the conversations sprung from them made a smile come to Patton’s face.
They would talk about how they slept after that: how many hours, if it was deep sleep or not, and if either had any dreams. Logan never had dreams, but he loved to hear about what crazy dreams Patton had during the night. The younger always loved those conversations, mostly because he loved to baffle the older. Patton thrived off of the confusion, having laugh attacks frequently. When he tried, Logan was absolutely hilarious. That wasn’t even mentioning how endering his fun facts were, nor was that statement saying how adorable Logan got when he was passionate about something. Patton let himself give a bittersweet smile between the heavy breathing that came with crying.
Patton didn’t know why he was reacting in such an extreme way. It wasn’t like he was dead, or like he didn’t have the power to text him at any moment. The problem, though, that was still very present was the fact that it was extremely hard for Patton to reach out first. He felt too clingy when he did that. It was the actual, real problem here. Not Logan, not time and education, not no one being at fault, and not even Patton fully. No, the problem was not talking to Logan anymore, and it was ripping a hole in Patton’s chest. It hurt the younger more than he could imagine because in the end, he knew Logan would leave eventually along with everyone else. Except Roman, apparently.
An incoming text shook Patton out of his mind spiraling down into the deepest, needist part of his mind. He blinked a few times, trying to get the remaining tears to get out of his eyes. At the same time, he furiously wiped the tears away with his sleeve. He sniffed, pulling down the notification window on his Android phone. He and Logan always had that in common, while their friends had iPhones.
Prince Roman: Padre? You good? You didn’t respond and I know how you worry
Pappy Padre Patton: I’m diddly darn dandy!!!!!
Prince Roman: You know I know that 5 exclamation points means a cry for help What is wrong, mi hermano más cercano?
Pappy Padre Patton: Logan and I haven’t talked in a few days
Patton was already feeling a bit lighter, now that he was starting to talk about his issue. Roman knew full well his “abandonment issues” that sprouted from being in the foster system, so he was probably going to pick up on his current conundrum fairly quickly. A small smile presented itself again on Patton’s lips when he did a quick translation of what Roman said in his head. My closest brother. His friend was such a sap, but the younger absolutely loved it.
Prince Roman: Text him!! If you don’t, I’ll give you a reason to text him
At that comment, Patton got very confused very quickly. What was Roman going to do, kick him out of his life? Do something so stupid that even Patton needed help on how to tell him he was wrong? There was so many possibilities and ways that the sentence Roman just sent could go, so Patton decided in about 0.001 seconds that it would be best to ask.
Pappy Padre Patton: What do you mean??
Prince Roman: I’ll write an angsty song and post it Without asking the label
Pappy Padre Patton: Roman!! That could get you into serious trouble! Think about the contract! You already follow it to a T. They are already waiting for a chance to reprimand you so no! Do not!
Prince Roman: I won’t if you talk to Logan
Roman was a dirty, dirty negotiator. He never tried to compromise with people he didn't know, just for the reason that he didn’t have leverage on them yet. He would find what his friend is most worried for him about, then use it to his advantage to get something he wanted. Luckily, the usually chivalrous boy did not use these powers for evil, but only used them to motivate people into doing something that they should be doing. Most of the time, that is.
Pappy Padre Patton: Fiiiiiiiiine You are a dirty negotiator
Prince Roman: You know you love me
Pappy Padre Patton: Te amo hermano always!
Patton smiled softly to himself, silently hoping that he didn’t mess up the translation of saying ‘i love you, brother.’
Prince Roman: That makes me happy Now make me happier by texting your Logan?
Pappy Padre Patton: Ok ok I def will!
And then he didn’t. Roman knew for a fact that his friend didn’t talk to Logan after their conversation, because there was a very specific series of events that happened after the two talk. It would start with Patton sended Roman many exclamation marks, then would turn into an explanation of the punctuation. Usually it would be something cute that Logan said, but sometimes it would be because Patton said something odd himself. Then the younger would go into the conversation in more detail, highlighting the cutest moments and becoming very flustered when Roman would ask questions about his feelings. It was routine, and Patton was not one to stray from routine since he started talking to Logan.
That was why as the sun started to get low in the sky, Roman got his guitar from it’s holder and his writing notebook from his desk. He splayed them out on the floor, sat down, thanked whatever was out there that his moms weren’t home, and began to brainstorm for a song. Brainstorm meant a very specific thing for Roman, as he was finding out. He was sit criss cross on the floor, his elbows on his knees and head in his hands. He would string his hands through his hair, rarely pulling on it when he got upset enough with this odd part of his creative process. He would collect his thoughts, focus on what he was feeling, and then go and do one of two things. The first would be to go through his notebook and see if there was any one liners or small sections of lyrics that he could expand on. If none of these felt correct to do in the moment, then he would ponder some more and write something completely from scratch. Latter options rarely happened.
Roman was feeling frustrated, to say the least. He wanted to talk to someone about anything, but he knew that Patton was off the grid for the moment. Anytime that boy faced a problem with texting someone, he turned off his phone and hid it under his many pillows. Patton was the soul person that he could talk to about these kinds of emotions anymore, considering that Anxiety had completely shut him out. Anxiety was honestly the main reasons for most of these emotions. Roman was sad that he was gone, mad at himself for all that he said to Virgil, and just generally frustrated with the whole situation. It would have been so much easier if he never signed up for the Sarrahs Project, but then he would have missed out on the amazing late night conversations that he and Anxiety had. Now that those were over, there was a empty spot in his chest that was waiting to be filled by confiding in Anx again.
It wasn’t fair that Roman had been lead astray to ridicule Virgil and make him feel like he had to be someone he wasn’t. Then again, Roman felt that way a lot of the time too. That’s why Anx and Ivity worked so well together, but it’s also why it hurt so much to not have each other around anymore. Roman wished that he could tell Virgil all of this, and just unload all of the truth onto him, but he understood that the other wanted distance. It was hard to put the pride that Roman always wore as Princey aside and let Virgil see that Ivity wasn’t a lie. That none of it ever was any kind of fabrication.
Roman breathed deeply, taking his hands out of his hair and looking down at his notebook. With all his feelings and emotions inside sorted, he could now try and sort through the one liners he already had written in his book. Rough, calloused fingers reached out for the leather notebook, ready to search to his heart’s content. He unbound the elastic holding the large and old book together, beginning to search through its yellowing pages for the lyric to make the next Princey single. Most of what he passed used too many masculine pronouns, but he passed those for a reason. Some name-dropped Virgil, and Anxiety, so those were also a line to stay away from. After pages upon pages of searching, Roman finally came to a halt.
“Can you be psychic for me? Please? That would make this easier on both of us.”
As soon as he saw the lyric, a million different words and emotions flooded through his head. Roman stared at the words for several more seconds, trying to process the sudden influx of ideas. It was rare that he had this many ideas at once, and even rarer so that they were all about mostly the same thing. Roman grabbed a water bottle that was sitting nearby, chugging half of the available liquid before grabbing his pencil. Upon further inspection on the page, there was also a few gems like “If you were in my mind, some scary things you would find (yes that rhymes score)” and “If only 2x or 4x (or something x).”
After Roman got all of the lyrics squared away, he put the book down flat in front of him. It was always easier to start out with lyrics, then add a chord progression, then work out the melody. At least, it was to Roman. Some would disagree, but they weren’t the ones writing songs all by themself getting into the Top 20 Hits. Momentary peddiness aside, Roman now had his ‘67 C-O-Classic Gibson guitar resting on his leg. He took a moment to run his left hand up and down the neck, then his right over the face of the body of the guitar. It was his grandfather’s guitar, the one he learned to play on by the same man before he died. The label tried to get him to play a different guitar, a newer one with “better sound,” but he couldn’t give up the sentimental value of this one. Especially with the emotion fueled lyrics of this one, Roman needed a guitar that he knew better than the back of his hand. Roman knew and understood this guitar better than he understood himself, and playing it brought emotions he harbored to the surface for him to handle. This guitar had gotten him through a lot, and it would get him through this night as well.
Roman started out with strumming a few simple chords, changing the order of three different ones, adding a fourth, removing two, and just generally playing around with chords until he found a good sound. Eventually, after he started fiddling with a good picking pattern, he narrowed it down to three combinations. While playing the different options, he sang the “If only” bridge that he wrote into the song. He tested the waters with a few different tunes and combinations for a while. Before he could comprehend it, the sun was set and he had a solid picking pattern and chord progression. He could hear his grandfather saying that technically the chords weren’t actually chords because he wasn’t playing all of the strings. A sentimental smile tugged on Roman’s expression of concentration, but he shook it away quickly in favor of attempting to sing over the song.
Surprisingly, Roman was able to get through the song he just wrote with few complications. He stumbled a few times, and stuttered on the lyrics occasionally, but it was overall a good first try. After, he tried again, making the wobbly parts in singing more and more stable. He was proud of himself for that, as sometimes there could be parts where he couldn’t get down until the fifth or sixth try. Luckily for Roman as of right now, the song which he was mentally calling Physic was an easy one to play and sing. Roman never said that the song he would be posting was a difficult one, but then again, he didn’t realise that it would be this emotionally powered.
As Roman placed his guitar steadily on the ground again, he pondered what the lyrics actually meant. While he attempted to balance himself on numb jelly legs, he went line by line and evaluated what he meant by each. It was clear to him as he grabbed his camera equipment that this song was obviously about Virgil. It was so clear that it was painful. There wasn’t any cleverly masked words or heavy emotions only hinted at in a word or two. This song was putting himself out in the open, bare and stripped of all the fancy editing that the studio does. This song would be a plea for help, a cry for someone to come and tell him that everything will be alright. It was a question, a desperate ask for Virgil to let him explain. If the dark and lovely one didn’t let him after this, then maybe all that time with Anx actually was a waste. And Roman desperately didn’t want it to be.
The Prince set up the camera and it’s microphone quickly and experienced, ready to make the worst–or best–decision of his lifetime.
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burnedtm · 6 years ago
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**   AFTER  MANY  QUESTIONS ,   COMMENTS ,   CONCERNS ,   ASSUMPTIONS ,   &   SALTY  ANON’S ,   I’M  GONNA  EXPLAIN  MY  JESS .   you  can  either  love  her  or  hate  her ,   i  really  don’t  care .   i  just  wanna  get  some  things  straight .   (   aka  it’s  my  turn  to  be  salty .   i’m  not  calling  out  anyone  in  particular ,   nor  am  i  mad .   i  just  want  people  to  understand .   speaking  of  which ,   if  you  have  a  problem  with  how  i  choose  to  play  her ,   that’s  okay .   it’s  chill ,   but  please  take  it  elsewhere  other  than  my  inbox  or  dash .   )
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BEFORE  DEATH   :   i  haven’t  gotten  the  chance  to  write  much  of  college  jess ,   but  i  hope  to  soon .   all  we  really  have  from  canon  is  her  name ,   birthdate ,   death  date ,   &   her  halloween  costume  from  2005 .   that’s  pretty  much  it .   because  of  this ,   jess  is  essentially  an  oc .   prior  to  her  death ,   i  believe  she  was  a  happy - go - lucky  student ,   outgoing ,   &   had  an  attitude  that  went  a  long  way .   she  was  bubbly ,   friendly ,   kind ,   &   welcoming .   in  the  world  i  have  set  up  for  her ,   she  was  a  sorority  girl  who  was  on  her  way  to  becoming  a  surgeon .   for  most  of  her  life  she  wanted  to  be  a  surgeon ,   ultimately  settling  on  pediatrics  before  even  getting  the  chance  to  practice  medicine .   with  all  of  this  in  mind ,   i  kind  of  assume  she  came  from  a  good  family .   normal  parents  who  were  still  in  love ,   a  couple  siblings  she  was  close  with ,   &   money  to  go  along  with  it .
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AFTER  DEATH   :   this  is  where  shit  gets  tricky .   please  remember  that  no  matter  what ,   she  is  my  character .   i  know  a  couple  people  out  there  hoped  that  she’d  be  much  like  college  jess ,   but  that  isn’t  the  direction  i  went  in .   when  i  set  out  to  write  jess  in  the  first  place ,   i  knew  she’d  come  back  with  a  darker  twist   &   would  be  a  hunter ,   primarily  because  i  miss  writing  sam   &   dean  as  hunters .   that  aside ,   what  she’s  become  in  the  last  couple  months  is  a  direction  i  was  unclear  about ,   but  a  lot  of  her  personality  is  starting  to  take  shape .   so  let’s  get  into  it .
+   choosing  hunting  over  a  normal  life .   though  she’d  spent  five  to  thirteen  years  in  heaven   &   was  cushy  upstairs ,   coming  back  was  a  jab  she  hadn’t  expected .   falling ,   picking  herself  back  up ,   &   wondering  how  the  hell  to  function  was  by  far  the  toughest  thing  to  do .   the  night  she  died  she  knew  it  was  something  otherworldly .   when  she  returned ,   as  much  as  she  wanted  to  leave  it  alone ,  she  couldn’t .   it  was  weeks  of  research ,   spending  a  lot  of  secluded  time  in  shelters  with  a  stolen  laptop .   unbeknownst  to  her ,   the  supernatural   &   hunting  were  real  things   ;   real  monsters ,   real  people ,   real  weird  deaths .   it  was  a  conclusion  that  took  her  for  a  wild  ride .   once  she  figured  out  the  reason  why  she  died ,   she  tried  to  move  on .   eventually  creating  a  fake  name   &   backstory ,   leaving  her  old  life  before  death  alone ,   getting  a  job ,   &   doing  whatever  she  could  to  feel  normal  again .   something  about  hunting  took  up  most  of  her  thoughts .   there  was  no  possible  way  she  could  be  a  surgeon  anymore .   it  wasn’t  in  the  cards  for  her   &   it  was  a  loss  she  mourned  for  quite  some  time .   sadly ,   in  all  of  her  strides  towards  normalcy ,   she  resulted  into  the  mindset  that  if  she  couldn’t  save  lives  in  a  normal  way ,   she’d  save  them  in  another  way .   it  was  a  weird  thought  process ,   but  it  ultimately  saved  her .   all  of  her  temper ,   anger ,   grief ,   &   recklessness  was  taken  out  of  her  system  once  she  met  up  with  other  hunters   &   learned  their  ways .   it  wasn’t  for  months  until  she  heard  the  name  winchester  again .   she  wanted  to  look  sam  up  before  but  didn’t  have  the  heart .   instead  she  made  up  a  fantasy  that  sam  was  a  lawyer  married  to  a  beautiful  woman   &   had  kids .   instead ,   after  hearing  his  name ,   she  did  google  him  only  to  dig  up  dirt   &   the  first  supernatural  book .   hearing  her  own  death  in  great  detail  was  enough  for  her  to  shut  down .   she  knew  that  she’d  come  across  them  eventually ,   but  wasn’t  in  a  hurry  to  do  so .   now ,   no  matter  who  tries  to  talk  her  out  of  the  life ,   it  all  goes  in  one  ear   &   out  the  other .   she’s  stubborn   &   hard  headed  once  she  makes  up  her  mind .   she’s  scarred  up ,   but  doesn’t  care  anymore .   her  reckless  nature  may  get  her  injured  or  possibly  killed ,   but  if  it’s  helping  save  someone ,   she  doesn’t  mind .
+   death ,   drinking ,   coldness .   she’s  hardened  out  completely  since  returning .   in  college  she  was  a  girl  who  was  easily  frightened ,   spooked  by  scary  movies ,   &   huddled  up  near  people  to  show  that  she  was  genuinely  afraid .  it  was  cute .   now  she  wonders  how  she  was  so  clueless .   it  takes  a  lot  to  get  through  her  hard  exterior .   there   are  walls  she  puts  up ,   emotions  she  ices  out ,   &   memories  she  tries  to  block  out .   the  happy  ones   &   the  bad  ones .   she  doesn’t  like  to  feel  but  will  sometimes  seek  out  ways  to  feel  just  to  make  sure  she’s  alive  still .   it’s  very ,   very  easy  for  her  to  turn  off  her  emotions   &   just  shut  down .   it  takes  next  to  nothing  for  the  walls  to  go  back  up   &   for  her  to  be  emotionally   &   mentally  armed ,   sealed  tight  with  armor .   her  drinking  helps  soothe  everything .   it  puts  her  mind  at  ease ,   relaxes  her ,   &   helps  her  block  out  everything  that  makes  her  human .   death  after  resurrection  should  probably  be  protected  at  all  costs ,   but  she  refuses  to  see  it  that  way .   death  is  almost  welcomed .   in  no  way  is  she  trying  to  die ,   but  she  knows  it’s  better  upstairs  than  it  is  here .   though  there’s  a  part  of  her  now  that  feels  tainted ,   wondering  if  heaven  is  even  an  option  next  time .
+   why  she  is  the  way  she  is .   there’s  no  telling  honestly .   when  she  returned  it  seemed  as  though  her  mind  turned  into  a  giant  clustered  mess .   there  was  resentment ,   anger ,   depression ,   &   a  million  other  things  that  were  felt  instantly .   it  killed  her  that  she  wasn’t  her  old  self ,   that  she  could  no  longer  be  the  girl  she  once  was .   life  was  different   ---   the  world  was  different .   everything  seemed  darker ,   uglier ,   more  confusing .   it’s  taken  quite  sometime  to  get  her  bearings   &   she’s  not  quite  sure  she’s  found  them  yet .   she  continues  to  have  an  attitude ,   a  fuck  it  attitude  for  the  most  part .   the  girl  is  stubborn ,   bratty ,   &   doesn’t  like  to  hear  that  what  she’s  doing  is  wrong  or  dangerous .   it’s  not  the  person  people  once  knew .   she’s  different .   the  world  has  changed   &   so  has  she .   expect  walls  being  built ,   traps ,   cinderblock   ---   literally  anything  to  keep  people  out .   smiling  doesn’t  come  often ,   but  when  it  does  its  hidden  away .   she  doesn’t  like  being  vulnerable  or  emotional .   it’s  tough  to  do   &   she’s  constantly  on  edge ,   waiting  for  the  hint  of  a  threat .   vulnerability   &   softness  does  not  come  easy .   when  she  does  show  that  side ,   it’s  because  of  trust   &   she  does  not  trust  easily .
+   the  winchester  situation .   i  feel  like  this  always  comes  up  so  here  it  is   :   she  doesn’t  care  either  way .   that  meaning  finding  the  brothers ,   seeing  them ,   being  taken  in ,   loving  them   .   .   .   none  of  it  was  necessarily  a  road  she  had  to  take .   if  it  happens  it  happens ,   if  it  doesn’t  it  doesn’t .   when  it  comes  to  sam ,   she  wonders  if  it’s  best  to  leave  him  alone  or  not .   she  took  comfort  in  sam  long  ago   &   still  does  now ,   but  gets  confused .   for  one ,   she  imagined  spending  the  rest  of  her  life  with  him .   that  all  got  shot  to  hell  once  she  came   &   learned  the  truth .   it  was  another  thing  she  mourned   &   still  has  trouble  coming  to  terms  with .   he’s  not  the  same  soft   &   gentle  guy  she  knew  in  college .   he’s  hardened ,   worse  for  the  wear ,   it  kills  her  to  see ,   but  she  understands  in  her  own  little  way .   there’s  a  part  of  her ,   the  part  she  died  with ,   that  will  love  him  forever   &   wants  to  hang  around  him  if  she  gets  the  chance  to  do  so .   it  took  her  awhile  to  realize  that  they  weren’t  twenty  anymore .   she  was  supposed  to  be ,   but  they  weren’t .   sam ,   along  with  everything  else ,   has  taken  some  getting  used  to .   as  for  dean ,   she  takes  solace .   they’re  relatable ,   giving  her  some  odd  comfort .
i’ll  probably  add  more  eventually .   for  now  that’s  all  we  need  to  know .   if  you  have  more  questions  then  you  are  more  than  welcome  to  im  me or  send  an  ask ,   but  please  be  nice  this  time .   i’m  fragile   &   don’t  like  the  feeling  that  jess  is  getting  shit  on  for  not  being  canon  compliant  when  we  don’t  know  anything  about  her  whatsoever .   i  apologize  if  she  isn’t  the  jess  you  expected ,   but  there  are  other  wonderful  jessica’s  on  the  site  who  choose  to  be  more  like  what  we  saw  in  the  pilot .   for  now ,   do  whatever  you  want  to  with  this  information .   just   .   .   .   be  nice ?
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chaoticghost21 · 8 years ago
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Props & Mayhem; Chapter Thirteen
It was a few days later, the boys were cuddling on the couch watching Impractical Jokers. They were mostly quiet until they started laughing. Then Justin got the idea; the show was already funny but imagine how funny it would be if they were high? He'd bring that up to Alex the next commercial break. When the break finally came, Justin turned to Alex, “hey babe, what do you think about getting high and watching this?“
Alex raised an eyebrow “hmm sounds funnn we shouldddd” he giggled “why not”
“I'll go get the stuff,” Justin said, getting up and getting his pipe, bag of weed, and his vape pen, bringing it all out into the living room, setting it all on the coffee table.
Alex hums a little, sitting up on the edge of the couch. “I honestly kinda feel bad? Like i got so upset that you did it but like now i am?”
Justin shrugged, “oh well,” he packed the pipe and set it back on the table, taking a hit of the pen first. The pen itself was too weak but the flower in the pipe was too strong by itself so he would always use both to get him where he wanted to be. “Which one do you want first?” He asked Alex.
“The pipe first” Alex said, he still felt bad, he’d gotten so mad at Justin but now here he was doing the same thing, he felt hypocritical.
Justin handed him the pipe, he himself taking another hit off the pen before they switched.
Alex hummed quietly, taking a hit off of it, laying back and putting his head in Justin's lap.
Justin smiled at him, leaning down to kiss him before taking another hit.
Alex giggles, taking another hit off the pipe. “We should try that shotgunning thingggg”
“Okay,” Justin took a hit, holding it for a moment before leaning down and kissing Alex, blowing the smoke into his mouth as well did so.
Alex parted his lips slightly, wrapping his arms around Justin's neck. He pulled back after a second, letting the smoke out past his lips.
Justin smiled, kissing him again before repeating his actions with the pipe.
Alex giggles softly, taking a hit off the pen, “remember when we used to so this a lot in high school?” He hummed softly.
“Yeah, those were good and bad times but I got you out of it. I honestly think we can blame weed for our relationship,” Justin laughed.
Alex giggles and nods “honestly like, it's pretty much how we got together. Right after that one night.” He said softly “i honestly remember it like it was yesterday.”
“I was drunk and high literally 24/7 back then so I only remember bits and pieces, you should tell me the story,” Justin said, he did remember it but he loved the way Alex explained everything and how he told it.
“It was so like tense like. I called you because i just felt so bad and almost did something really bad. And at this point we were basically together, much closer than just friends, but you didn't really wanna admit it at the time. But you just came over and climbed up through my window. We cuddled and literally got high, i'm surprises my dad didn't know honestly like how?? But then you started being all fuckin sappy and cheesy and kissed me” Alex said, smiling “it was so nice honestly”
“Yeah. You know you are the first time I've seen love, the first I've ever experienced. But honestly it's the last I'll ever need and my future is nothing if I don't have you, I wouldn't throw this away for anything. We may be young but we know that this is love. Thank you for giving me another chance every time I screwed up. I love you so much, you are my world; my everything.”
Alex blushes and sits up, moving into Justin's lap. “You're so cheesy jusss” he says “but fuck i love you. You're honestly the only person i want to spend the rest of my life with. I really can't see myself without you. Well, alive anyway. You mean too much to me”
 “Me too, I honestly think we saved each other. Without you'd, I'd be dead, Wyeth l whether I did it myself or one of my mom's boyfriends did it, it was bound to happen and you got me out of there and now look at us. We're adults living together in our own apartment, away from that town and most of the people in it.”
“I know damn well that you saved me” Alex says “like literally. If you hadn't called me that night i'd be dead. But now we're here, yeah we both may be a little fucked up and not ready to tell each other some things but we have each other. And that will never change. no matter what.”
“Exactly, I wouldn't trade you for $1,000,000; I might trade you for penguin though,” Justin joked.
“You wouldnttttt” Alex pouts slightly “im cuter and more cuddly than a penguinnnn”
“But have you seen a penguin? The tiny blue ones, you may be cuddlier and cuter but you have to admit you want one of those, they're so little and cute!”
Alex giggles “okay okay fineeee they are cute. But we literally couldn't have one, it's not cold enough hereeee”
“I will invest in a lot of freezers,” Justin smiled.
“It will literally make our apartment like antarctica. And wed have to get a lot of raw fish and that would probably smell bad”
“I would do it just to have a penguin…. We could get multiple and open a penguin zoo!!!” Justin exclaimed very loudly, now bouncing up and down excitedly.
Alex giggles “Where would we open it thoughhhhh”
“We'd get a house and do it there, duh,” Justin said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
Alex giggles and nods, nuzzling into his neck “we could do that one day” he said “maybe we could adopt a kid or two too?”
“Of course but we have to get married first. I want to get married before I do everything else.”
Alex smiles and nods “of course Jus” he said “i can't wait until we finally get to”
“Me either, just need some more money and maybe we could do it,” Justin looked off into space picturing their wedding in his head. He didn't know who would take who's last name but honestly he didn't care that much though he would prefer to take Alex's try get rid of the name he had, the one he wanted nothing to do with.
Alex smiles and looks up at him, “do you wanna have like a big proper church wedding or just a small one?” He says.
“Small one, only a few people there like your family and….” Justin trailed off, he didn't know who else would be at their wedding besides Alex's family.
“Maybe Monty and Jeff and zach?” Alex said, looking up at Justin “other than that i'm not really sure”
“Yeah, maybe. If I could have anyone there I'd wish that my mom would get cleaned up and show up and that she would act like she cares. I wish I knew the rest of my family but my mom never let me have communication with them. I know I have aunts, uncles, and cousins but I've never met them and I don't even know their names,” Justin said sadly a bit of hope laced his voice.
Alex frowns a little “maybe we could get in contact with them somehow? See if they could come?” Alex says softly.
He shrugged, “I doubt they even know I exist.”
“I'm sure theyd at least know that jus. Maybe they don't know you but i'm sure we could figure something out” he says, playing with Justin's hair
“I want to but I don't know how to or if they want to hear from me or if they even know of my existence. Maybe if I got on contact with them off find out why my dad left and why my mom hates me,” he said, leaning into Alex's hand, him loving his hair being played with.
“We’ll just have to try Jus.” Alex says softly “it won't hurt to try.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right. When do you want to get married?” Justin asked him before taking another hit off the pen.
Alex hummed softly, taking a hit off the pipe “I don't think we’ll be able to anytime soon,” he said, “maybe in a few years?”
Justin nodded, “yeah it won’t be for a while, we definitely have to save up money first; from what I’ve heard weddings can be expensive.”
“I think they are. I mean from watching bridezillas and shit they get really expensive” Alex said, giggling a little.
“True… please tell me you aren’t going to be that way,” Justin begged.
“No i wontttt” Alex says, poking Justin's cheek “i may be dramatic but i'm not that dramatic.”
“Really? You’re not that dramatic,” Justin said with an eyebrow raised. “Have you forgotten about when the grocery store ran out of nutella and chocolate bars and you made a scene and got us kicked out of the store?”
Alex blushed brightly “i wanted nutella and chocolate! They should've had it” Alex pouted “i'm not dramaticcc”
“You screamed and fell to your knees, yelling about how cruel the world is and you wouldn’t stop until the manager came over and asked us to leave. Even then I had to drag you out of the store because you still wouldn’t stop.”
“Pfttttt i don't remember that part.” Alex said, blushing darker “that nEvEr happened.”
“They have your picture up in the store. You are not allowed back in. Did you forget the reason why I’m the one who has to do all the shopping?”
“At least i looked cute in the picture” Alex shrugged “okay fine maybe i'm a littleeee dramatic. You love it though.”
“You do look cute in the picture, I have to see it everytime I go into the store. All the workers stare at me like they think I stuffed you into a bag and brought you in with me though,” Justin kissed him, “you’re lucky you’re cute and I love you, because I hate that store.”
Alex giggles and kisses back “i love you toooo. And we could always go to another storeee.” He said “plus how would you stuff me into a bag and sneak me in. I wouldn't fit!”
“I could make you fit, and remember, I got kicked out of the other grocery store? I screamed at people because they made me mad… We can’t ever go grocery shopping in this town together until they stop the ban on us.. In about a month.”
“I'm still pretty sure people here just have something against us! Like they didn't need to ban usssss” Alex said “we could've been all domestic and went shopping together”
“We could’ve if you didn’t freak out and scream in a store for like 10 minutes straight and if I didn’t threaten to run over people with my cart… Maybe it is our fault.”
“Maybeeeee but still ! People have done worse things and they still get to goooo.”
“It was only a three month ban from each, other people have gotten worse.”
“Stillll” Alex said “i like going shopping with you cause i don't like sitting here all lonely.”
“Same, and I hate shopping by myself, I always forget things.”
“You always text me asking me what we neeeed” Alex giggles “it's cutee”
“It’s embarrassing, I always forget what we need and then I still forget to grab it after you tell me what we need,” he pouted.
“Awwww jusssss” Alex said, poking his lip “it's okayyyy”
Justin tried to bit his finger as it poked his lip.
Alex giggles a little “heyyyyy what was that forrr”
“You touch my lip, I bite,” Justin said, his voice muffled by Alex’s finger still in his mouth, “it’s the rules.”
Alex pouts and pulls his finger back “you just wanted an excuse to bite me.”
“I plead the fifth.”
“I don't know what that means” Alex says
“I choose to remain silent in order to not incriminate myself.”
“I still don't get it but oKaY”
“Well I have to learn some law stuff and you don’t, so makes sense,” Justin smiled.
“True” Alex says, laying on his shoulder, “m hungry” he mumbles softly.
“What do you want? I can make you something.”
Alex shrugs a little “i dunno” he says softly “surprise me?”
He nodded and went into the kitchen, after a lot of crashes and pots banging he finally came out, “we actually had stuff to make spaghetti so that’s what I did.”
Alex giggles and nods, standing up “is that why everything was banging?”
“I dropped pans and then it got stuck and I had difficulties but I DID IT!” Justin said victoriously.
Alex giggles and walks over to him, wrapping his arms around his neck “good for you jusss”
Justin picked him up and ran into the kitchen, carrying him the whole time. He set Alex down at the table, “now eat.”
“Gosh you sure seem excited” Alex giggles softly, “you sit down and eat too dork.”
Justin laughed and sat down across the small table from Alex, starting to eat.
Alex hummed and picked up the fork, biting his lip and hesitating slightly before taking a small bite.
Justin smiled at the fact that Alex was eating. He didn’t put that much on Alex’s plate but he put as much as he knew Alex could eat, he cared more about the boy than he did himself and even though Alex said it was fine, Justin was going to find a way to make it up to him for hitting him, he was going to find a way to pay him back.
Alex hummed a bit, taking another small bite and glancing up at Justin. “Whatcha thinking about jus?” He asked.
“You,” he replied with a smile.
Alex blushes a little “be more specific?”
“Just you in general, how much I love you and want to be with you forever. How adorable you are and just everything about you.”
Alex blushes and looks down “you're so cheesy sometimes gosh”
“Only for youuu!”
Alex giggles, smiling a bit “i knowwwww” he says, taking another bite.
Justin smiled, taking another bite before his phone went off, alerting him he had a text. He Looked back up at Alex, “Monty and Jeff want to know if we want to go out with them tomorrow night.”
“Hmmm yeah. Sure we can” he said, humming a bit
Justin nodded, texting back and putting his phone away, continuing eating.
Alex ate a few more bites before pushing the plate away, “m full”
Justin nodded, not wanting to push him and took the plate away.
Alex hummed softly to himself, playing with his sweater sleeves.
Justin walked back  over and huigged him, kissing his cheek.
Alex smiles a bit and hugs back, clinging to him “can we go back nd cuddle?”
“Yesss, do you wanna watch a movie??”
Alex nodded “please?” He says softly, looking up at Justin.
“What movie?”
“Uhhhh everything everything?”
He nods, putting it in and then going back to the couch
Alex smiles and sits next to him, nuzzling into his neck.
The movie played as they cuddled, Justin kissing Alex every once in awhile.
Alex smiles a little, closing his eyes and yawning a little “m sleepy”
“Let’s go to bed then, we actually have to do something tomorrow,” Justin said, getting up and offering his hand to Alex.
“Carry meeee” Alex pouts slightly “pleasee?”
Justin nodded and picked up Alex but the boy himself being very much under the influence of recreational drugs had difficulties and tripped over his feet, almost dropping Alex.
Alex squealed slightly, clinging tightly to Justin “m i too heavy” Alex asks softly, looking up at him.
“Not at all, you are very light, I’m just high and I tripped,” Justin said. “See look,” he said, lifting Alex up and down as if he were a weight.
Alex giggles softly, holding onto him “that's funnnnnnn”
Justin continued doing it and purposely threw Alex into the air, catching him as he came down.
Alex gasps softly, clinging to him once he came back down “holy fuck that was scary” he mumbled.
Justin laughed, “what, you don’t have faith in me to catch you?”
“I dooooo” Alex says “jus felt weird and scary. Of course i trust you Jus.”
“I would never drop you, if I started to fall or something, I would turn myself midair so you would land on me instead of the ground.”
Alex blushes a bit “gosh you're so protective sometimes Jus. ‘S cuteeee” he giggles “i love you”
“I love you too!” He kissed Alex.
Alex smiles and kisses back, keeping his arms around his neck “now let's go get in bed and cuddleeee”
He nodded and ran them to their bedroom, throwing Alex onto the bed, jumping onto the bed with him.
Alex giggles and bounces slightly, nuzzling into Justin’s neck once he gets in bed too
Justin smiled, kissing Alex's head before wrapping his arms around him.
Alex smile, humming quietly “night jus.” He says softly “i love youuu”
“Night Alex, I love you too, so freaking much,” Justin said, whispering the last part.
Alex smiles and kisses his cheek, closing his eyes and slowly falling asleep.
----------------------------------
Chapter 14 will be up on @13imagines-why in a few minutes!!
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rosekun25 · 8 years ago
Text
Fourteen Reasons why.
 April 9th, 2017
Dear Tumblr Diary, 
I’m watching “Thirteen Reasons Why.” 
I haven’t read the books since middle school. But my cousin from my Dad’s side of the family sent me the book I think a year ago.  Life always has a way of foreshadowing. I swear it does.
Anyway I’m reading the book too, putting off getting my food handler’s card because fuck that shit. 
Anyway Im watching this and its kind of triggering. I havent watched the part where she kills herself but I imagine I’ve seen worse. 
There’s a video I’ve seen Here’s a link.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_PdYb0EL-Y
Anyway so far that part has hit me the most. 
I mean, It has. After I got out of the hospital nobody asked me if I was okay. I had to lie. I lied about everything so I wouldnt get sent away longer than they needed me to be away. 
I lied and said It was because I missed my great grandma instead of telling them it was because my world had shattered and nobody could hurt me anymore. 
I lied about the pills. I took 96. Well thats now many were in the bottle. I told them I didnt know how many I’d taken. I just lied lied lied lied lied. I didnt tell anybody why I did it. 
aTLEAST Until they couldnt send me away anymore. 
So here are fourteen reasons why I wanted to kill myself 
14. I felt like I’d do it sooner or later. 
I mean it was really weird. I’ve had depression for most of my earlier childhood. I remember not thinking I’d make it to 20. But here I am. I remember wanting to get married and have children but I didn’t actually think I would live long enough to actually do it. I mean I didn’t think I’d finish High School. 
13. I wasn’t beautiful. 
At least I didn’t think I was. I thought pretty girls were 100 pounds, blonde and didn’t have to worry about anything except which husband they wanted.  I guess I was sort of insecure. But not in the sense that I thought I was ugly. Just in the sense that I wasnt  beautiful. 
12. I was starving myself.
Well I don’t really remember this part. I just remember I was really really hungry. The doctors there said I hadn’t eaten for a month. But Im not sure that’s accurate. I mean I must have eaten at some point. I remember I drank tea.  But anyway. I guess i was displaying “Anorexic tenancies” or whatever I was half asleep I didn’t listen.
11. I wanted to die. (duh)
But it wasn’t in the sense of me actually wanting to die.  I mean when you’re young you learn about the circle of life, you watch ‘Lion King.’ Mufasa dies and you learn you wont be around for ever. I guess I just ’ wanted to hurry up and do what I was supposed to. 
10. At the time, my life sucked dick. 
I remember it. I was horribly depressed and doing my best to hide it. I remember I wanted nothing more than to just be held like a baby and told everything was going to be alright. But it wasn’t. There was a point in my life where I kept everything to myself. Everything. Even stupid shit like “Where do you want to eat?” or “Are you hungry?”. I just felt like I had to. Keep everyone safe, dont let anybody know you’re suffering sort of thing. 
Anyway my life sucked dick, because I was always hungry never sleeping and I was overworked. I also was verbally abused at my job. To the point where I would want to cry whenever I walked in the store. But more on that some other time. 
I also hated T or  C. If Im going back there. Im going back in a body bag. 
My Home life also sucked dick. I remember not having hotwater in the bathroom. I remember being cold every night because they refused to pay more money to turn up the thermostat. If I wasnt cold. I was so Hot. There were ants everywhere. On my clothes. In the kitchen. EVERYWHERE. I wasnt allowed to leave my house either. I couldnt just get up and go I wasnt allowed to leave except for school and work. I couldnt leave and it drove me fucking mad.  I didnt have much food to eat, If there was food it was all gobbled up by my fat ass Grandfather who liked to steal my things. I still dont know what he did with most of it. The dryer didnt work either so I’d have to go to school in wet clothes that were freezing. I hated it. Oh and not to mention every morning I’d wake up to screaming. Always screaming. Nobody could ever say “Good Morning Rose, you’ve to wake up now.” No. They were too busy screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming, 
9. I was so tired of everything. 
I was. Really. I still kind of am. Im tired of having to work all the time and having no money. I was tired of waking up every day and going to a school. I feel like I would have liked school better if I didnt have to wake up early and put up with all of that bullshit. 
The bullshit I am tired of here has literally went from 95% to maybe about 15%  Professors are honest with me, My coworkers all do their jobs and I dont get in trouble if they don’t. Really Imagine, getting in trouble because one of your coworkers didnt do their job right. 
The only bullshit I have to deal with is making sure I have enough hours. Which if you ask me isnt a biggie, also I make enough to take care of myself. Which is a lot better than where I was before. 
8. I was going insane. 
Now I know what you’re thinking “Omg, yeah sure whatever Rose. Everybody on Facebook likes to pretend they’re crazy for attention, Change your picture to Joker and Harley just to add edginess. 
But no. It was stuff I dont want to dicuss with you. I had horrible dreams and I wanted to do some horrible things. In a way, I honestly thought if I killed myself I would save everyone.  I still dont remember what I wanted to save them from. 
7. I didnt have any friends. 
Now again I know what you’re thinking, “This bitch is tripping. She won Homecoming Duchess and Princess at the last dance!” (  Side Note: I also went on to win Prom Queen. But Everybody voted for me because I wasn’t allowed to run for homecoming queen because I tried to kill myself in the Bathroom.) 
I didnt have a Best friend. I didnt have somebody who hung out with me or came to my house specifically to play with me. I worked too much or somebody who ate lunch with me because they wanted to and not because I’d integrated into their little group because one of the members felt sorry for me and wanted to be my friend again. 
I knew a lot of people. But I was fiery, Passionate and emotional. People were afraid of that. Either that, or they didnt care enough to try and understand it. 
6. I was suffering from an unDiagnosed Mental illness 
It was Borderline Personality Disorder.  It was making me crazy. 
I still dont understand what it means. 
I know it means. 
But I dont understand it. 
5. I missed my Daddy. 
There. I said it. I FUCKING SAID IT. 
In my family, I was supposed to pretend he didnt exist. We all were. We didnt have Dads. We were just born. You know i didnt accept my Step Dad until My Dad stopped coming to see me. But what does that matter? I mean I wasNT  A BOY. HE DIDNT FUCKING WANT A GIRL. HE PROBABLY HAS 80 BILLION FUCKING DAUGHTERS! HE DOESNT NEED ANOTHER ONE!!!!!!!!!
But how am I going to forget the man who hated it when I cried? The man who bought me all of these presents because he knew he was never going to see me ever again. The man who bought me my first Barbie Car, my Hamtaro doll and my pretty Amethyst Birth Stone Barbie. All because he fucking knew he was never going to see me again. 
I havent seen him since I was two.  But I remember waking up in my hospital bed with Leslie telling him he had to talk to me because the doctors said they didnt know if I’d make it. I heard my auntie tell him in spanish and then he said “I dont talk to anyone who isnt blood.” and I wished I would have died again and again and again. 
4. I wasnt afraid to die. 
I mean honestly who is? Im Catholic now. I understand its the circle of life. Ive seen Lion King. But I honestly wasnt afraid to die. 
Here’s my philosphy on Religion and Death and everything 
If you’re a buddist and you die. You go do Buddist stuff. Buddist heaven, Buddist Hell. 
If you’re Jewish and you die. You go to Jewish Heaven because there isnt a hell. 
I know in church they tell you not to believe in other gods. But God mentions in the Holy Bible several times. So Meh. 
But I wasnt afraid to die. Im pretty sure my life had been clean and the only sins I really had were Hating my parents and Premarital sex. God wouldnt send me to hell for that. So I thought I’d go to heaven and party with Kurt Cobain
Because when a kid with Cancer dies, God doesnt send them to hell for dying of Cancer. So why would he send me to hell for succumbing to my depression? 
I mean atleast even if He was the God I think he is. 
3. By this point I was honestly sure nobody cared. 
The English teacher who carried me to the ambulance cared. I’m sure of that. 
But I mean nobody cared. I remember coming home to no food in the refrigerator and thinking “Oh well they’re making it easier for me now.” I remember nobody ever asking how I was.  I remember feeling numb I remember waking up that morning and deciding I was going to give life one last Chance. I’d missed the bus that morning and I had to call my  Grandmère to give me a ride to school because My Mother wouldnt teach me how to drive because she didnt want me to run off with my boyfriend and be happy. 
Because I guess bragging rights about your kids going to college are more important than your kids actually being happy. I’ll remember that when I have kids. If I live to have kids at least. 
Anyway I remember forgetting to take the pills out of my backpack. Im sure there’s an alternate universe somewhere where I did take them out of my backpack and I just went home early that day instead of killing myself in the bathroom. But hey what about the alternate universe where Hitler cured Cancer?
Nobody cared. Thats the point. Obviously if nobody noticed I was starving myself. If nobody noticed any of the signs that I displayed. 
But of course they all showed up to the hospital and cried crocodile tears. Then they yelled at me again as soon as I woke up. 
2. My life was over. 
“But you were accepted into NMSU! You were graduating Highschool! You had your whole life ahead of you!!!”
Did anybody ever think for just a second that I didnt want any of that? Honestly! Everybody was so proud. Nobody stopped and asked me if thats what I wanted to do. Because it sure as hell wasnt. I didnt want to go to college. Twelve fucking years of a system that made me kill myself in the Bathroom and you wanted me to do  eight more years?!  I wanted to get married and have babies. But I had to. You understand. I had to. I couldnt be like my sister. I couldnt stay in Highschool forever. I had to go to school because Men are useless now and I couldnt just get married out of highschool because as soon as they leave you’re going to need to take care of yourself! But I didnt want that. I wanted to get married. I wanted to have kids. 
1. Chance left.
Honestly this was it. This was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I could see it coming though. Yeah, I made fake accounts to try and talk to him. Yeah I was a thirsty hoe (Symptom of BPD btw). Yeah I kind of texted him until right before I did it. I mean I was 18 of course I was obsessed. He cared. He would kiss me goodnight, He would try to get me to eat but I never would. I wanted to be pretty for him. I wanted him to love me. He did for a moment. You know love is like a drug, A drug that makes you happy every day of your life. Even if all you do is fight. Maybe its because I’d never loved anybody before him. Not even my Mother.  When I lost that happy bubbly warmth. I wanted it back. I was so desperate to get it back. I didnt notice. I didnt notice all the terrible things that happened. I looked over all of the mean words, and abusive flags. None of those mattered, as long as I got that feeling of being warm, loved, safe, and protected. Because it made me want to live. If I couldnt live. I wanted to die. I wanted to die and be with that feeling forever. 
Maybe things would have changed if I had realize what a fucking scum bag he was earlier. 
Am I still Suicidal? Yes.
You cant turn it on/off contrary to the belief of everyone around me. I’ve been suicidal since I was a little girl. But will I do it again? I cant promise I wont.  
 Fourteen Reasons why  I want to live. 
14. I’m happy now. 
I dont know if I could consider this as happy as I want to be, I mean Im still single. I have no children. But I’m happy. I dont have all the money in the world but I can go get Starbucks. I can go out and eat If I want to and that makes me so happy. It makes me so happy to have access to food. 
13. I love my apartment. 
I love my apartment. I love everything about it. I do. Except the rent payment lol. I love that I can literally do whatever I want in this little one bedroom place. I love it. I love keeping it clean, I love putting up whatever I want on the walls and I love love love it so much. Im so warm and happy and there is always food here. 
12. I love where I live. 
I love my town. Its big, its bright and i can get whatever I need to. I can go to walmart again whenever I want and I dont have to beg anybody to take me through the drive through or pay anybody to take me to the mall. I can go see movies and see the world. I love the world. I love the grass and the trees and the warmth of the sun. I can sit on my porch for hours, I can watch the rain, I can go outside. I CAN GO OUTSIDE!!!! 
11. I love being free. My freedom is my most precious possession, I don't want to die if I can be free. 
 10. I don't want to die until I find that person. My whole life I've been told There's a soul mate for everyone. When I think about suicide. I think about being dead, in a way, Death was freedom for me. But part of me doesn't want to leave that person alone. I can't. If He was made for me . Then he's like ME and if he is then I don't want to leave him alone. 
9. I have food. 
I know what you’re thinking “Whatever, I have a frozen Dinner in the fridge. Does that make me not suicidal?”
I have food to eat. Like I do. I dont have to scrounge around my house for a packet of Ramen or hiding a can of soup under my bed and praying it would be there when I woke up. I can wake up and eat whatever I want. I can make dinner and sometimes I just stare at all of the food in my refrigerator and smile. 
Side note, It’s now May 12th, school is over. Im trying really hard to finish this. It’s triggering. Like, Hannah Baker, Everything she does. I can see myself in her.  I could deal with the books. I could deal with the books because I had borrowed my friend’s book and typed the alternate ending and stuck it in my book. I visualized it in my own way. Now seeing it. It’s triggering. Did anybody notice? Did anybody try to? 
What about when I did it? Did anybody think? Did anybody try and look after me. I mean nobody noticed me stop eating so I doubt anybody noticed me writing wills in my psychology class, or me writing my suicide note over and over again. 
The final draft only had a few words by the way and nobody read it. 
They didnt even read the instructions I left for them incase I survived and had to go to the hospital which is why I had to wear the same clothes I wore when i did it. Which absolutely sucked. But i was glad I was getting out of the mental hospital, so there’s that. 
I still dont understand why shit like this cant happen in real life. I dont understand how people can make people suffer so much emotionally that they think suicide is the only answer.
This is really hard to write. I have to think of reasons I want to live instead of reasons I want to die. That’s hard. I want to die. Im so sick of this. But I dont want to die. I want to live.  
In a sense, I really feel like Hannah Baker. Because She wanted to live, she wanted life and happiness but she just dies at the end. I wonder if that will happen to me? 
I’ve had people ask me if Im sure I should even be watching a show like this. But I have to. I have to finish it. 
I read the book I know what happens. But I have to finish it for myself. 
8. Kingdom Hearts III will come out (Eventually) 
I have found joy in video games once again. I mean. Ive always loved video games. But I was playing South Park Stick of Truth again and I liked it. I liked it a lot and I wanted to... I wanted to play it so much. 
I’m sure they have video games in heaven but i wonder do they have midnight release parties? Do they have endings that arent perfect?  
Im sure they do. But being alive for them is different. 
Eventually though. Kingdom Hearts III will come out. Eventually.  Ill get to play it. Maybe Ill get to play it with my grandchildren and teach them about Sora, and Kairi, and Riku. 
7. I want to be a Mother. 
Thats all I’ve ever wanted in life. Really. I just want to hold my baby and raise her/him. I dont want them to have to come home and wonder if there’s food to eat, or if the house is going to be warm or when Mom is going to come home.
I want to have children and teach them and give them love and warmth and make them safe and give them everything I never had in life.  Like love, and chances. Chances to make something of themselves in a way I never could. 
6. I want to live to be an annual passholder at Disney 
I mean I’ve been to Disneyland Nineteen times and this summer it will be 20.  But I want to be able to wake up one day, have the day off from work and ask my kids if they want to go to Disneyland instead of school. I want to go there and have a great time and not have to worry about school or work or depression or anything.
5. I really want to do my bucket list. 
I mean there’s lots of cool stuff on it. But I’m sure they have most of that in heaven. But  I want to do it before I die. Like I want to visit Euro Disney in person and hang out in France. I want to walk up and realize I’m going to see the Little Mermaid on Broadway tonight. I want to be able to tell everybody about what I’ve done and inspire them to do the same thing.
(Update: It’s June now. I have to finish it. I had to stop. It was getting bad again. Really bad. I’m ready now. I really am.)
4. I want to get married.
Honestly thats been my life goal since I was a baby. That and being a ballerina but appertanly my dreams dont matter enough for us to stay in a place I could actually achieve them. I want to have a big fancy wedding which will probably dumb down to me getting married at the court house which I am totally fine with. As long as I am officially married and we honeymoon at Disney. 
Jesus Chirst I cant do this. I really cant. I fucking cant. . .  Why? WHY am I here? Why did I live? It’s fucking impossible did you know that? Am I still alive? Am I dead? I wont fucking know! I’m so much happier now! I really am. But I cant do this. I fucking cant. Why? Why am I alive? Why did I live? SO I could pay bills for the rest of my life? I hate being broke. I hate not having any money. I spent 20 dollars today to go out to lunch and that was a luxury. I couldnt afford that. Especially with all these bills. Why? Why is it so expensive to live in a 3rd world country with Iphones? Why? I dont have a car I have to ride the bus everywhere and spend a billion dollars on fucking everything. WHY? Why? I hate this. I hate this so much. I hate having to be mad at myself for going to the mall and spening 11 dollars. ELEVEN FUCKING DOLLARS! I bought a keychain today. I bought a keychain today and I wasnt supposed to do that!  I love my apartment, I love it, I wont leave it unless I’m in a body bag or leaving with my husband, But i dont understand WHY?! Why? Why do they want everything I have? Everybody just wants money. Everything is just money money money money, do I Have enough? WIll it last? Will I be able to do something with it? Why do you want all of my money? I can barley afford to live and everybody wants to make it fucking harder than it already is!!!!!!!!!! I cant do this. I really want to die. But i really want to live. I really want to live. But i cant live. 
3. I want friends. . .
I want best friends. I want the kind of friends where you all can just hang out together and do stupid shit. I want inside joke kind of friends, I want the sort of friends that make fun of you but you know they dont mean it. I want a specific place for us to hang out and laugh and live. 
2. I want to be infinite. 
I dont mean immortal. I mean I want to do things. I want freedom. People have freedom given to them while others have to fight for it. I want to take a roadtrip. I want to eat at gas stations with somebody and travel and see the world. I’ve always wanted to see the world but i’ve been locked up in this FUCKING TOWER for so long and now i’m afraid to get out of it. I am afraid to live because I’ve never been able to live before! Why are people born free when I could not leave my house to get the mail? 
1. I want to experience love. 
I have never loved anybody. For a moment, I thought I loved Chance. But I realized, you cant love somebody who has never loved you. So i didnt love my Mother, or My sisters and brothers or my grandparents. That wasnt love. It was forced affection. Because when you love somebody you make sure they’re in the car before driving away and asking if they are. If you love someone you dont kick them out of your car. If you love somebody you offer to take them home instead of letting them sit in 32 degrees watching their spit freeze, while you let your family treat them like shit just like you did. 
But I want to experience love. All kinds of love. I want to know why people like it so much and why the feeling is so euphoric. I want to be held and treated like I am a treasure. Like I am worth something. 
Is that love? I will find out one day. I want this. Even if its the only thing I will have. I want it. 
~
I’m on the second to last episode now, 
I wonder if the author wanted us to feel bad for people we’ve slut shamed.  I wonder if we’re supposed to think about it that way. 
I dont know about you but I hate fake people who pretend they’ve killed themselves.  I mean I know its a cry for help. But I wish they would go and talk to somebody instead of insisting they sliced their wrists 80 times and got sent to the ER even though their wrists are scarless and havent look liked they were cut ever. 
My therapist once sent me to the ER because I told her I was feeling suicidial. 
I thought that was utter bullshit. 
Because all I had learned to do was lie. 
Why are you suicidal honey? *Sniff* My greAT Gran died and I miss her so much and I wish I could talk to her and hug her. Oh baby it’s gonna be okay, Derek she’s not suicidal get her out of here. 
See? Then at my next therapy session I had to lie to her and tell her I wasnt suicidal. Which was another lie. 
Anybody who has ever asked me about my Great Grandma Elisa knows I hated going to her house and I didnt like her. I’ve never liked her. She was so mean to me. She really was. 
But i cant say I cried crocodile tears at her funeral. Or when They woke me up and told me she wasnt breathing and I knew she was dead, and I cried in my sleep. Something I didnt do, and didnt start doing until it was getting really bad again. 
Isnt that funny though? How i learned to just lie to everybody instead of telling the truth? 
~
I’m on the last episode now. 
I cant make you believe how many times I had to stop this and step away for a moment. 
It was honestly too realistic. 
Like just the things she said 
“I decided to give life one more chance.” 
I remember thinking the exact same thing. 
and watching it blow it. 
Thats always how my emotions have been. 
Hannah is stealing razors now.
I remember the day I bought the sleeping pills specifically to kill myself.
I didnt tell my Mom that. I told her I was having trouble sleeping which was true. 
I remember telling kids I thought I was taking too much.
I remember pouring handfuls into my own hand and just staring at them. I thought they were really pretty.  
I remember sleeping in class because I’d take too many on purpose. 
I remember hanging up on 911 
I remember calling my ex boyfriend. 
I wondered what would happen if he would have answered. I really do. 
Probably nothing, 
I still would have done it. 
I remember swallowing handful after handful. 
I remember being carried to the office and hearing your voice in my head. 
I remember dying and being at peace.
I remember waking up and screaming and crying.
Because honestly. Suicide doesnt hurt. No. aside from me not being able to eat for a couple weeks without throwing up, or choking up tablets everytime I tried to take a pill. 
What hurt was waiting. I waited for life to get better. 
It didn’t.  
Hannah baker is going to slit her wrists,
I’m mad. This isnt the way it happened in the books. She swallowed pills.
ItsnotrealRosemaryitsnotrealItsnotevenhowithappendinthebooks
This is triggering. 
I reserve the right to skip this part.
I cant breathe. 
Okay, Okay. 
I dont fucking get why people say this show glorifies suicide. We are literally watching a girl die. The worst part is this is how actual people have done it. Oh my god. Oh my god there’s so much blood. 
Her parents, Oh my god. Okay that was so fake.
American Horror story did a better job. 
Which is probably why it kept me from killing myself. I watched Violet do it and it scared me. It scared me so I didnt do it. 
You know when I first read the books I guess I was really confused because I thought Mr Porter raped Hannah. I was like in 8th grade. 
Okay so Hannah Baker is still dead. The episode is over. 
How are they going to do season 2? 
I mean Tyler is Obviously going to shoot up the school and Alex tried to off himself. It’s Obvious Alex isnt going to die.  It’s Obvious Tyler isnt going to kill him. 
~
I liked watching this. 
I mean aside from it taking me two months to finish because,  well it kind of was triggering.
Side note:
I am not contemplating suicide please do not message me or call the cops. 
Also for anybody who is. 
National Suicide Prevention LifelineCall 
1-800-273-8255
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mercyimagines-blog · 8 years ago
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First Heartbreak
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Requested by anonymous: An imagine about Aaliyah gets her heartbroken and Shawn's being the big protective brother?? And it's fluffy and cute! Thank you!! 😍💝 and im in the imagine too! LOLOLOL 😊
Note: don’t like, don’t read - it’s that simple :)
-
Ever since you began dating Shawn, Aaliyah had automatically taken a liking to you.
She was excited for there to be another girl around, besides her mother or her best friends. Aaliyah looked up to you as a big sister, almost - always asking you for advice.
Whether it be about clothes; school; friends; sports; boys - Aaliyah always wanted to talk to you about something. It actually got to the point where Shawn had accused you of stealing his sister, jokingly, of course.
Lately, though, there was one topic that girl could not stop talking about: boys.
According to her, his name was Ben and he was the most perfect thing to walk the earth. Aaliyah’s words - not yours.
She texted you earlier in the week, letting you know that Ben had asked her to hang out with him and his friends later. Aaliyah was beyond excited and was fully convinced that he was going to admit to her that he liked her back.
There were many theories that she came up with, involving him actually having the same feelings for her and tonight - she told you “I’m right, just wait,” as she left for the hang out.
Shawn snorted at his sister’s remark as his eyes stayed glued to his twitter feed, his hoodie concealing the side of his face as he sat next to you on the couch.
“Excuse me, Shawn, you have something to say?” Aaliyah placed her hands on her hips as she opened the door and he looked back at her, shooting her a smile.
“Nope, have fun, Liyah.”
Aaliyah rolled her eyes playfully before she waved bye to you.
“Good luck!” You yelled, giving a thumbs up before the door shut behind her.
You rested your head on Shawn’s shoulder, his laying gently on top of yours.
“You smell good.” You comment, sniffing his hoodie.
“Thanks baby, I took a shower.” He laughs and you hit him in the arm lightly, smirking.
Believe it or not, these moments were the ones you absolutely treasured the most. The moments when you can all take a breather and simply relax.
About thirty minutes into the second Harry Potter movie and half a tub of ice cream, Shawn groaned.
“What’s up, drama queen?” You spoon another bite of the chocolatey goodness into your mouth.
“I think I have a brain freeze.” His nose scrunched up in discomfort and you lent over to press your lips to his.
His arms wrap around your body and he pulls you into his lap, feeding into the kiss - until you pull away.
“Still have a brain freeze?” You smirk and Shawn looks up at you with his brown eyes, rolling them as his tongue peeked out of his mouth to swipe over his lips.
“No, I think that’s been taken care of.” He smiles and cups your jaw, bringing your lips back to his.
It didn’t last long though, as the front door slammed in anger.
You both spring apart and clamber off of each other, looking at who just walked through the door.
You could tell it was Aaliyah without even seeing her, as she let out a frustrated scream.
Shawn immediately stands up, his brow furrowed and ready to tend to his baby sister.
“Aaliyah, what happened? Why are you back so soon?”
As soon as those words left your mouth, tears welled up in her eyes as she stormed upstairs into her room - the door slamming harshly.
Shawn glanced at you briefly before running up the stairs after her, you not too far behind.
You and Shawn had an obviously uneasy feeling walking up to her bedroom door, able to hear her quiet sobs.
“Aaliyah? Open the door!” Shawn yells through the wood, placing his forehead against it.
It seemed as if in a matter of seconds that this was all happening, Shawn had gotten easily distressed, just by listening to the sound of his sister’s cries.
“Go away!” She yelled back as something thumped against the door, startling you both.
Shawn looks at you, silently asking you to say something - the worry evident in his eyes.
You let out a breath and get closer to the door so she can hear you.
“Aaliyah, it’s me. Can you please let us in?”
“Only Y/N,” she quietly choked out before releasing another sob.
Shawn backed away from the door, annoyed, but he gives you a slight nod as if to say he’s okay and to go ahead. You felt bad for not being able to bring him in too, but if Aaliyah didn’t want him in there, he was going to respect her wishes.
Slowly, you turned the nob and the purple walls exploded into your vision. You shut the door behind yourself, knowing that Shawn would be standing out in the hall, trying to listen to as much he could.
It was cute how he worried for her, they’ve always had a close relationship and you think that only intensified how much they cared for each other.
You take notice of the pillow that sat next to the wall by her door, knowing that was more than likely what she threw.
Aaliyah laid on her bed, stomach first with her face mushed into a pillow; but, she perked up slightly as she felt you sit next to her.
You moved yourself so you could comfortably look at her and run your fingers down her back softly.
It was something your mother did to you whenever you were upset, and you had no idea why, but it would always calm you.
“You want to tell me what happened?” You ask her quietly, noticing how the tears dropped off her cheeks and her brown eyes red and puffy from the incessant rubbing.
Aaliyah props her head up, avoiding your gaze as she wipes her sniffling nose on her sleeve.
“Everything was fine,” she began. Her fingers laced together in front of her face and she kept her eyes on them as she continued on with the story. “Mish’s mom dropped us off at the pizza place and when I saw him, I swear my whole world stopped. Nothing else existed except for him and how I felt about him -” she pauses. “I bet that sounds so dumb.”
You shake your head, disagreeing. “That’s how I felt about Shawn. And I still do feel that way, sometimes. It’s not dumb, Aaliyah.”
“Yeah well, it’s dumb now because it doesn’t matter. I asked if we could go somewhere away from the group so we could talk and he agreed. So, he took me towards the arcade center and we were the only ones in there, so I thought now would be a perfect time to tell him.” Her eyes meet yours for a second before they go back to her fingers. “So I told him and the only thing he says is ‘oh,’ and he starts laughing.”
You cringe, knowing how embarrassing and painful that must’ve been for her.
“He says ‘oh Aaliyah, that’s sweet. I take it you think that I also like you?’ Which made me mad because he sounded like he didn’t care at all and he was like ‘I don’t like you, I only invited you because you’re friends with Mishyia.’” She sniffles and her eyes fill with tears again, immediately spilling over her bottom lashes. “I liked him so much and I honestly felt so stupid when he told me that.” She cries.
“Aaliyah, you’re not dumb or stupid.” You say, wanting to get that point across. “He’s the dumb one if he doesn’t like you. I mean, I’m super surprised boys aren’t throwing themselves at you, wanting to call you their girlfriend. However,” you begin. “You are only thirteen, this is not the end of the world for you, okay?” You whisper as she scoots a little closer to you. “There will be so many more boys out there, so please don’t get too caught up on this jerk, alright?”
She nods, picking at a thread from her pillow, tears still spilling from her eyes still.
You scoot back so you can rest against her headboard and a sigh escapes your lips.
“I told a friend of mine that I liked one of our really good friends once and she told me she wanted us to be together so, I told him I liked him and he turned me down. The next day, he told me he wanted to stay friends. I was fine with that, but it just sucked to see him holding hands with my friend that I told, two days later. They’re still together, two years later.” You shrug, hoping this story will make Aaliyah feel not so alone anymore. “The second really good friend I told that I liked them was a little different though. He felt the same way.”
You stop talking, but Aaliyah looks up at you with her glossy eyes.
“What happened?”
“He turned out to be your brother.”
Aaliyah smiles at the thought and she tells you that she appreciated this conversation and you being there for her. However, she does want to be alone for a while, which you can respect one hundred percent.
“Y/N,” Aaliyah rasps. “Thank you.”
You give her a small smile and exit her room, happy to help.
To your surprise, Shawn was no longer out in the hall as you exited her room, and as you make your way downstairs - he’s doing something that does not look like he’s calm whatsoever.
“What are you doing?” You ask, watching him shove some shoes on his feet and grab his keys - pulling at his hair.
“I’m going to show the little punk that he messed with the wrong girl; baby, that shit doesn’t fly with me.” He snaps, angrily.
You flinch at his acrimonious tone, but you’re able to put two and two together.
“Shawn, you’re not going to beat up a fourteen year old kid.” You try to reason, pulling on his bicep to get him away from the door.
“Why not?” He asks, oblivious to the exact reasons why.
“You know why!” You say, squinting. “Plus, you would never.”
“For Aaliyah I would.” He defends himself, crossing his arms.
“Shawn, you and I both know that’s not happening. I have no doubts that you would fight someone to protect Aaliyah, but Shawn - Ben has no chance against an eighteen year old who lifts one hundred pound weights in the mornings because he ‘likes to.’” You scoff.
“The little shit’s name is Ben? Ben what?”
“Shawn, stop it.” You say.
He takes a second to breathe, and as he does so, he slams his palm against the wall.
A few silent minutes go by before you finally have the chance to say anything, remotely helpful.
“What’s going on? Talk to me.” You quietly pleaded, pressing your hand against his spine.
He straightens immediately and turns around to face you, his cheeks heated from the anger he was feeling.
“It really pisses me off knowing that he’s out there acting like nothing happened and my little sister is at home, bawling her eyes out because of him. That really pisses me off.” He speaks, grabbing onto the back of his neck.
“I know. And I’m sorry that you can’t do much about it, babe. But, you can be there for Aaliyah. I’m sure she would appreciate that.” You tell him and that seems to truly connect with him.
A sigh leaves his mouth and he sets down his keys, shaking his head.
“You’re right. Aaliyah is the only one that matters in this situation.” Shawn licks his lips and walks past you, trying to get to the stairs. “Can I at least try to find him so I can talk to the kid?” Shawn turns around.
“Nope.”
And he treks back up the staircase.
You sit on the couch, hearing the voices of the Mendes siblings conversing with one another. What really gets to you though, was hearing Aaliyah break down in tears and Shawn’s soft ‘you’re okay, you’ll be okay.’
You’ll be okay, Aaliyah.
-
requests are closed at the moment!
fun fact: that crush story was totally true because it happened to me lmao, i got a boy who didn’t like me and backstabbing friend in one package yikes, boys suck sometimes. 
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madies-spam-axxount · 8 years ago
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You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!You both like supernatural.You: jiStranger: heyStranger: how are you doing?You: im good thanksStranger: coolStranger: you up to speed with SPN?You: kindaStranger: I am sort of lost this last season, so I guess me too :DYou: so sam or deanStranger: Dean, you?You: sam all the wayStranger: I like both, but Dean my favoriteStranger: must be the older brother in me :?DStranger: are you on a bunk bed?You: im the eldest tooStranger: Yes, so you must be suffering from younger brother cuteness syndrome :DYou: right:)You: Sam and I just connect moreStranger: Well, I think Jared is easier to relate too anyways :DYou: for sureYou: that or I relate to Misha on a spirtual levelStranger: I got to meet them along with Misha and Mark in 2015, my Dad took me to Comic Con San Diego, was pretty awesomeYou: WowYou: thats all i have ever wanted but it is expensiveStranger: More like got to shake their hands and say "hello", not like we hung out lolStranger: But my Dad had VIP passes (major SW fan and it was Force Awakens year)Stranger: So we got to have quick private meetings with the casts of many shows. SPN was at the top of my list, followed by Game of ThronesYou: thats really coolStranger: Whereabouts are you from btw?You: houstonStranger: Nice! I like people from TXStranger: I am from ChicagoYou: I hope to visit Chicago someday, is it niceStranger: you can stay at my place!!!!Stranger: :)Stranger: I am friendly like thatYou: :)Stranger: how old are you btw?You: 16Stranger: 17Stranger: is hard to tell with you, since I can only see your eyes, which are quite striking btw!You: oh thanksStranger: you are welcomeYou: my camera froze so all i see is blackStranger: I am wearing black lolStranger: is it back?You: nahStranger: that sucksStranger: perhaps we will meet up againYou: its cool though i dont need to see meStranger: restart your omegleYou: yesStranger: ohh you still see me?You: very much soStranger: cool, and I youYou: goodYou: you look a lot like MIshaStranger: actually can you sit up a little (without hitting your head) ceiling looks kind of lowStranger: hahaha thanks I guessYou: is that any bettweStranger: that is better, thank youStranger: you have a very pretty face!You: why thank youStranger: oops your camera went back down, cut at your chin againStranger: ok, better, some views are worth keeping :DStranger: you are one of those casesYou: ill keep that in mindStranger: So what are the trophies for behind you?You: theatre mainly and some acadamiaStranger: nice, what kind of acadamia?Stranger: If you need to look to remember, means you have won more than you care to count :PYou: yeah... Im a bit of an over achieverStranger: Ok, so what you are saying is that you have a beautiful face, are really intelligent, hard working and nerdy!!!Stranger: So why don't you live in Chicago!!!?You: my brothers health isnt the best so we have to be an hour from the hospitalYou: he was been going to for thirteen yearsStranger: I am sorry to hear that. Do you mind if I ask what ails him?You: Sure, faulty valves in the heart, renal failure, and extreme alergiesStranger: rough, my cousin's son has a similar condition. I hope it works out.You: me too, we used to live in Nebraska but his condition got worse so we moved.You: I really miss the snowStranger: I wouldn'tStranger: it is cold as hell up here!Stranger: considering Crowley lets it get cold!You: yeah, well its January and its 85 degrees out here:)Stranger: I am so jealousYou: dont beYou: sweating on Christmas really sucksStranger: when I first saw you I figured you were in FL, because you had a ceiling fan onStranger: well that depends on what you are doing and with whom on Christmas :DYou: sorry siblingsYou: anywayStranger: how many you have?You: 3Stranger: I only have 1 younger brotherStranger: and no he does not look like UrielYou: I have a younger brother and two younger sistersStranger: so what are your over achievements in?You: acting, GPA, and reading anything I can get my hands onStranger: So you in any school plays?You: yeah, a bunchStranger: We are going to go see Hamilton in NY in November of this year!Stranger: I cannot wait, I like musicalsYou: whattttttttttttttttttt, howwwwwwwwwYou: likr i cannot evenStranger: I can only assume not cheaply lolYou: thats trueYou: youll enjoy it i berStranger: but I did get offered a full scholarship next year, so I guess my Dad is happy not to be paying for college :PYou: wow, thats amazing where?Stranger: Purdue, it is a university in IndianaYou: very coolStranger: should be fun, plan on studying Aerospace Engineering and that is where Neil Armstrong and others studiedYou: Im applying for UNT in december:)Stranger: Nice! Will you study Drama?You: thats amazing, my goal is biomedical engineering actuallyStranger: I could totally see you on the silver screen or wooden stage with that face, but I am certain the biomedical engineering world will benefit further from your brain :PYou: thanks, I wish I could persue acting but its much harder to get intoStranger: oh, it is easy to get in to. Not sucking is the hard part! :DStranger: So what is your favorite play/part that you have been in?You: well if i could I would but the voice or the body doesnt match the faceYou: it would probably the white whitch from NarniaStranger: I honestly doubt that on both countsStranger: good roleStranger: so you like being the villain?You: it does quite surprisingly and yes it was exciting but not a role i would do againYou: not really, only when in a bad moodStranger: well there you have an advantage I cannot haveStranger: See if you are ever in a bad mood, all you have to do is look in a mirror and smile, I know that if I could see your smile on command, I would never be in a bad mood!You: thats very sweetStranger: at your service mi ladyYou: my oh myStranger: So what will your boyfriend do when you go off to UNT?You: hehehehehehehehheYou: nothing never have had oneStranger: that is sort of hard to believe you knowYou: well its very trueStranger: let me state the obvious - gorgeous, smart, nerdy... hmmmmStranger: well when is the last time you dated?You: nevrYou: nobody has ever askedStranger: ok, sorry for the direct question, but those awesome lips of yours have been kissed, have they not?You: your fine, and no the haventStranger: someday some lucky dude will manage the feat and boy will he be in for a magnanimous surprise!You: well i hope so:) it would be very akward if he wasntStranger: true that, hell if Omegle had integrated reality technology, I would want to reach through my screen and kiss you right now!You: Well when it does get back to me on that;)Stranger: or come to Chicago! :DStranger: Unfortunately TX is not in my near future :(You: maybe, Chicago isn't in mine either but we will see for sureStranger: you never never knowStranger: Do you speak any other languages?You: you never doYou: do you have a tumblrStranger: btw, cannot see but the tip of your head at this moment :DStranger: betterStranger: I don't I have snap or skypeYou: you should follow me on snapchat:)You: madieglakeStranger: hold onYou: im disappering for a sec brbStranger: sureStranger: FallingMadie?You: yes that is meStranger: Did you just change shirt?You: yes, this one was wet so it cools the airStranger: can you still not see yourself?You: NO, So if I look bad tell me:)Stranger: I don't think that would be possibleYou: and Jensen?Stranger: please no Supernatural hell, and yes that is my nameStranger: but I am not Ackles lolStranger: actually that is the reason I strated watching the showStranger: an ex gf told me that the star had the same name, which is quite uncommonYou: you would have heard me scream from Texas if you were Jensen AcklesStranger: it is more common as a last name in Nordic countriesYou: wow, well that your ex for me;)Stranger: good lord, shame I am notYou: okay, if she is that badStranger: I like your hair loose like that, looks awesomeStranger: do you look hot! in both ways I meanYou: Why thanks;)Stranger: so the shirt you put on is literally wet?You: yesYou: along with my hairStranger: with sweat or you wet it to cool you off?You: it was wet from my showerStranger: I did not know you showered with clothes on in TX!You: yes, you know the people get mad if your not covered!!!You: no I put my hair up in mys hirtStranger: so you are in shorts?You: yesStranger: I miss shorts!You: its to hot to wear long pantsStranger: wait can you stand back a min to see you better?You: hold on just a minute and yesStranger: coolStranger: your screen frozeYou: had to get you off the bedStranger: it is back :DYou: what is backStranger: your screen was frozenYou: ohhh, well i am glad it is fixed nowStranger: cool, stand back thenYou: okYou: very excitingStranger: you have to point your lid down a bit I think, you disappeared :DYou: hmm hold onStranger: froze againYou: kStranger: and back :DStranger: a bit more down pleaseStranger: perfect!Stranger: thanksYou: npStranger: that is a nice looking black top btwYou: thanksStranger: you should wear it without the red shirt!You: i baught it at the storeYou: nahYou: dont like my armsStranger: I am sure they are fine!You: wellYou: fine...You: thsi is not a stip part btwStranger: point lower pleaseYou: i trust youStranger: lol of course notStranger: screen froze againStranger: and backStranger: but point it down further please still pointing at you fanStranger: thanks!You: and the shirt stays on:)Stranger: but I think you changed your shorts when you moved your cam earlierYou: yeahYou: they were blueStranger: because when you first lay down on your bed I thought I saw really short blue onesStranger: those looked awesome!You: but i didnt like how they lookedStranger: how come?You: thanks:/You: not a big fan of shorter shorts and these are more comfortableStranger: I think you are sexy! but that you don't know itYou: why thanks<3Stranger: also you have nice skin and well are well endowed :)You: thanks, its a feature but not my best oneStranger: what is your best one? Other thank your stunning eyes?Stranger: then not thankYou: probably my hairStranger: you do have nice hairStranger: are you sitting on a chair now?You: yesStranger: can you move your chair back and sit cross legged on it? just for a secondYou: okayStranger: is it me or is that black top sort of transparent?You: party up in heresadlyYou: please dont judgeYou: it makes me uncomfortableStranger: judge what?You: the shirtStranger: I like it! just seemed transparent and was curious if my view was correct!Stranger: I mean it looked really good! so not passing judgementStranger: don't need to button up, it is hot there :DYou: your dine i am just very self consiousStranger: don't be, I think you have no notion of how good you lookYou: thanks, i shall keep that in mindStranger: sorry if too much information, but when you sat back just now I got serious wood! lolYou: okStranger: sorry for the visual!You: its fine just a not words i have heard beforeStranger: what does one say in TX?You: i dont know, havent heard those kinds of words with that meaning everStranger: coolStranger: I will use bio-engineering terms then :P contemplating your position, poise and physical aspects caused a major erection to arise on this specimen!Stranger: worse?You: wow, i dont know let me take a reality checvkYou: not bad, but ive got nothing to compare it too oStranger: hahaha, do you need a visual?You: noooooooYou: i can barely handle g moviesStranger: lolStranger: thats coolYou: finding nemo, like serious creepsStranger: well I mean they live in an Anemone, that is creepy!You: trueStranger: Don't worry I have never shown it on here. But have always wondered why others doStranger: I like that look on you, even sexierStranger: serious, it magnifies your eyes!You: oh look I can see now, and ill try to keep that in mindStranger: one secStranger: sorry, got a message from parentsYou: our fineStranger: need to go. catch up later on SNap?You: sure and ill look into getting a skypeStranger: awesome!You: nice to meet youStranger: ciao miladyStranger: buenas nocheStranger: nochesYou: buenas nooches tuYou have disconnected.Talking to a stranger
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