#im here im queer i will not live in fear

[everyones-favorite-butchboy]

friendly reminder that “boydyke” has existed for a very very very very long time and transmen, genderqueers, trans women, transfemmes and transmascs have been a part of the lesbian community for as long as its been around and we ain’t going no where!

[houseofwolvess]

abortion has officially been banned in my state. i don't know what to do now. this place just gets worse every day and im totally crushed

[urqueerman]

I'm a big kid I can get through a job interview, I'm a big kid I can get through a job interview, I'm a big kid I can get through a job interview, I'm a big kid I can sell my soul to capitalism, I'm a big kid I-

[zan0tix]

Hi tumblr user Zan0tix, I have to say that I love that you draw Jake as big and hairy AND fem. It's such a rare combination outside of mean-spirited caricatures, every time I see your Jake I get a big smile on my face. :)

Hi tumblr user HermitCyclop ^u^ here is a jake drawing for you 🫶

The transmisogynistic demonisation of these features is so maddening!!! I agree! Im glad that the intent (appreciating these features) of my jake design reaches you c:

GOING TO PUT IT UNDER THE CUT BECAUSE I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY. But jake english gender meta because i think about it Too Much and am taking this as an excuse to infodump abt it. 😁

The alpha kids and their specific defiance of both homestucks gendered narrative AND real life societal expectations are so fun to think about to me!! but since we are talking about jake, his specific defiance of both homestucks models of masculinity and femininity in the context of his queerness is like the reason he is my fav character.

He props himself up that he wants to be the adventure "hero" in the homestuck sense (the hardheaded blue femme fatale) and the western media sense (the hardheaded action man) yet whenever pressed to actually act on what he says he always refuses or obfuscates. Because really what he wants is to just be himself! I really love the alpha kids because they all just want to be Themselves, not be restricted and defined by what is expected of them, (all the characters have this but the alphas particularly really hammer this home for me)

The heavy emphasis on their beta selves, the heteronormative archetypes they embodied and what went wrong in their lives that manifest as fears in their alpha selves... im always thinking about it. How differently society affects queer ppls choices in life and then the fact that they all get a second chance and getting to watch them live out that second chance and realize their queerness and them all caring so much abt eachother and wanting to aspire to be better FOR the ones they love!!!!!! it always tugs at my heart strings to ponder😢😢

IM SO GOOD AT GOING ON TANGENTS MY BAD but basically. The alpha kids explicit queerness and how despite the comic itself protesting, they are all shown to be deserving of love (of all kinds) And as a person who super heavily relates to jake, his experience with his own identity (and dirks unending adoration and love for him and likewise jakes belief and admiration of dirk) serves to me as a reminder that yknow! We are all worthy of love!! Even if we dont think ourselves to be (this is just the message of shrek.) and there is always hope to be found in things improving!!!!

But in a text thats explicitly queer and not shy about letting its queer characters do wrong in realistic ways i think this message is incredibly powerful and certainly one of the best things about the comic in my eyes. And i love embracing that in my art of the characters! Drawing queer (but here specifically trans) characters all getting to be proud of themselves and their appearances makes me feel proud of myself alongside them and I think its wonderful to be able appreciate other trans peoples experiences and looks through it too!!

I specifically in homestuck fandom dont really see anybody but twinks (usually dirk or eridan LMFAO) portrayed to be fem in any manner 😢 when jake is the most explicitly feminine man in the comic. (I think the transmisogyny thats kind of rampant in this fandom means people dont want to consider those outside conventional attractiveness being feminine or transfem identities outside binary transwomen if even that😭😭) I am being the change i wana see in the world 🙏 The amount of transfem fat gay bear jake in the world increases by one every time i post

[larsthefishoil]

As I'm actively reflecting on the new hbomberguy video, but more specifically James Somerton, certain things are clicking into place with resounding clarity.

I've watched Somerton's videos for years. At first I thought he was kinda overly dramatic, and had outdated stances on how little lgbtq+ was seen in modern day. He always seemed to talk like we are still living in the danger of the 80s with staight/cis people's apathy and hatred. In truth the phobias have just shifted in how they present and things have genuinely improved in a sense.

But the thing that is actually getting to me rn is the misogyny thing. I think he actually injected really shitty thoughts into my brain that I absorbed like a fucking kitchen sponge. He's protectiveness over queer people but specifically gay men from "prevented white women" actually got to me. For over a year, I was walking around occasionally thinking about how "women are sneaking BL manga into their bedrooms and grotesquely drooling."- im not citing someone theres quoteation marks cause its a dumb thought. But i thought this because that's how bad Somerton made it seem.

But the thing that got me out of that head space was this video by talistheintrovert.

https://youtube.com/@talistheintrovert?si=vmpEa_TPP2UE9eQk - here's the link to her homepage on YouTube.

https://youtu.be/08pCrSBw5EY?si=bECaT_xC16IfN5TI - vid about Good Omens

https://youtu.be/zzSlRZhS_qY?si=unQzSbCQUaTqhSbv - Heartstopper vs. Only Friends

sorry for the ugly link I'm on mobile.

I forget their pronouns so I'm using they/them but I might be wrong. I watched a lot of their videos all at once, so a lot of their ideas interlinked between videos to connect points. But they frequently talked about how straight and queer people interact with queer media and the complexities that unfold. Their underlying message was always that an individual's sexuality doesn't matter when interacting with media when it comes to gatekeeping who gets to appreciate queer content. Still most people consuming are queer people, but straight cis people also benefit and that's okay, it's great even.

Talistheintrovert shooed away icky feelings of straight women fetishizing queer men, which was a fear I got from James Somerton!

Idk this is a long post, but hbomberguy's ending soliloquy about trying to find happiness kinda reminds me of the many countless queer YouTube channels- big and small. Most of us aren't clawing for the position of top dog and like Somerton and seem a lot happier dispit of everything going on nowadays.

Anyways, stay safe, be accepting, and cite your sources or else hbomberguy will have to crawl out of whatever hole he hides in for the better part of each year and make a five hour long video about you :/

[mynqzo]

sorry for how the your post about gay rights in georgia has become such a mess because of idiots :(

i'm sorry for whats happening in georgia :( i also live in a pretty homophobic country so i can relate! i and the rest of the queer community will do the best to keep you all in our hearts and minds.

thank you haha, messages with kind words from other queer people in similar situations are really helping me through this !!

and yeah i mean i don't check that post anymore because it circled to people getting upset that i didn't clarify it wasn't the us state but idk, it was made in a moment of fear and just wanting to spread the word, and idk, it's now just another portion of stress at this point - but im so happy it spreads awareness and brings it to people's attention !! especially to people who had no idea, it lets our voices and pain be heard.

many queer people have been struggling here, before the legislation and more so now, seeing other queer georgians reach out and metaphorically hold my hand is really great. i've been in a real depressive spiral about it ever since, but yknow how it is

[genderqueerdykes]

im seeing you post about transmasc lesbians and thinking now about that post i saw that was like "its kinda weird that top surgery scars are the trans lesbian stereotype and not any stereotypical transfem features" and like. yeah i do think there should be more mainstream transfem lesbians but also why do we gotta take the piss out of transmascs about it

agreed, they're two separate conversations that can be had at the same time

as someone who is a transfeminine dyke and has had a lot of transfem lesbian friends and partners, a lot of lesbian stereotypes that come to my mind are that of what you mentioned with transmascs, plus things such as femmes with flat chests wearing low cut shirts, breasforms, transfem butches binding after growing boobs from HRT, femmes with defined jawlines and deep voices, excitement from growing boobs, femmes with looooooong hair covering almost all the face, never transition transfem dykes, transfeminine butches who have proudly been telling people they were dykes as long as they can remember, dykes especially femmes with visible crotch bulge, there's a lot of transfeminine 'stereotypes' and things to lesbianism but there's no reason like you said to take the piss out of transmasculinity to point out lots of people just do not have experience with transfeminine lesbianism

a lot of people don't and it's fine and they shouldn't act like they do. i lived in a punk house for a few months and met a lot of transfem lesbians there got close to many. once you get exposed to transfem lesbians you become aware of "stereotypes" that are present in the community. it's 2 separate conversations when we we talk about stereotypes from more transfeminine and more transmasculine spaces in the community. they are lesbian experiences, but it is 2 separate conversations that can be held at the same exact time

part of the reason top surgery scars are so well represented in lesbianism is because afab bodies are treated like the norm, but also because a lot of lesbians struggle with gender and especially when that comes to the societal expectations placed on people with breasts. a lot of lesbians want to discuss their experiences with this and it's important. lesbians have rich and deep history of being gender variant people and it's important to let people celebrate top surgery scars. that's a separate conversation, however, it is closely linked to something else.

everyone on every side rejects transfemininity as belonging in lesbianism. everyone silently agrees afab bodies are the norm for lesbianism, so they shun any and all transfeminine experiences and prevent them from appearing in lesbian history. nobody wants to be the one to start romanticizing transfeminine features in the community for fear of backlash or getting silenced or mocked or talked over. we've made it nigh impossible to have the conversation about transfem lesbians, so people begin to fight with each other instead of recognizing that transfem and transmasc have very complex relationships with lesbianism and it's not right to try to silence one for the other

we have struggles that are common in a lot of ways. if we begin embracing what transfeminine lesbianism looks like, we can begin to have a more complete understanding of what the whole lesbian experience is. without putting transmascs down or trying to talk over transmasculine lesbians. we can talk about transfem and transmasc lesbians needing support at the same time. it's important that we do. we need to talk about how transmasc and transfem lesbians are here and that we need help in being accepted as part of the community

it's just wrong to throw any other queer person of the same group under the bus for the sake of trying to have a separate but very similar conversation. im with you. i hope we see less of this down the road. these are 2 very important conversations that we really need to have simultaneously. together at once.

[miwiheroes]

Hi welcome to miwiheroes <3

*australian accent* 'Ello this is Eli, president of miwiheroes club and I realised I never made an intro post, also this is a little masterpost where you can find all the analysis/ byler rambling posts without having to scrolls through my account :D

I'm 18 years old

Not very active at the moment because I have just started university

he/him

I may look like an aggressively straight man but no one knows i'm actually hyperfixated on shipping two queer guys from a sci-fi netflix show

I'm a capricorn, infp, bisexual and trans ftm

i'm in quite a few fandoms but rn im hyperfixated on byler so... i'm also into the grishaverse fandom, arcane, bbc ghosts, dan and phil, + marauders

i'm from england

my spotify is 'figflower' and: Here are my byler playlists!!

i never used to write analysis on film but thx byler tumblr because i've been missing out

if you were wondering, my favourite characters from stranger things are (in this order): will, mike, hopper and el <3 okay see ya

MY ANALYSES:

(i will update these as i make them. my more massive analyses are highlighted in blue)

Mike's self-sabotaging avoidance to incriminate himself

Silly queer coding jokes

The M&M Scene

Mike Wheeler's Promise

Will's 'I'm not gonna fall in love' is a bigger proof than you think

Confirmation that Mike jumping into the quarry was about Will

Milkvan's conflict, Byler, and the concept of understanding

Byler and the insane amount of Closet Imagery

Season 1 Mike is extremely queer-coded

The most important 'Will Voice' scene

Mike's bedroom is insane

FULL airport scene analysis Season 4

What if Mike's gay from the beginning of S5 like Will in S4?

You're not delusional: What I noticed when I wasn't a byler

Thinking about the monologue…

Mike is clearly thinking about Will in the Snow Ball scene

Light is symbolic for truth = byler endgame

MY FICS:

My AO3 Account: miwiheroes

vibrant days (caution to the breeze) - 3 chapters

Mike and Will's relationship has been secret for 2 months. Neither of them want to bring it up, but things build and build until it becomes more of a burden than just a little mutual understanding. Will's growing up (and getting drunk) and it's impossible for Mike to stay in the same place forever, with words always on the tip of his tongue.

aka mike and will are hiding their relationship and avoid talking about hard subjects

is my timing that flawed? - 2 chapters

In the aftermath of a harrowing escape from the Upside Down, Mike and Will grapple with physical and emotional wounds. Faced with Will's new plan and doubt of what's real and what's not, Mike must confront reality and something that he had never been able to truly control.

aka wound cleaning fic + a devastating cliffhanger + Will not knowing what's real and what's not

it's rotten work (not to me. not if it's you) - 2 chapters

Ten years after everything, and Will hasn't been able to shake a debilitating fear of anything medical-related. So when the only option and smart thing to do is get a blood test from the hospital, Mike is sure to take the time to be there for him.

aka will needs a blood test but has a phobia of needles and mike takes time off work to support him

what you really want - 10 chapters

aka a s5 speculatory mike wheeler-centric fic about his internalised homophobia and a lot of moments where he's not so clever about his feelings with will

our hearts were singing - 4 chapters (incomplete)

aka karen invites mike and will over for christmas, but mike still hasn't told his whole family about his relationship, even after a year of them definitely not-so-platonically living together. maybe it's time.

Have fun! And if you don't ship byler ur allowed to interact but if you want to hate on it, please don't interact! I'll just delete any hate because I personally think there is no space for homophobia or negativity on my page.

You'll also find 0 byler doubt here. I don't want to worry people. So ily <3

[everyones-least-favorite-bard]

i want to do a queer reading of the green knight 2021 so bad

like im talking out of my ass here but like gawains character sees a lot of overlap in the ways queer men (esp feminine queer men) tend to grapple with their place within the hegemony—he finds himself engaging with the challenge issued by the green knight because he wants to prove himself as a knight after all, or in essence, as someone worthy of the ultimate ideals of masculinity

yet we see in his relationships that he does not seem to fit into that ideal. essel, his lover from the brothel, exhibits a degree of maleness in that her lifestyle/profession/whatever have you gives her much the same sexual freedoms upper-class men of the period were often allowed: she sleeps with whomever she chooses whenever she chooses, and one will note that she has short, almost boyishly cropped hair as opposed to the long winding braids and updos common to women of the period. when gawain spends time with her in the brothel (a place of sexual freedom) he is more at ease with himself than he appears to be in nearly every other instance in the film save perhaps the final scene (ill get to that)

so we already have established that hes more comfortable existing outside of the ideals put forth by the vaguely medieval christian system arthur/guenevere represent, but we see the signs of his active DISCOMFORT within the system in his dream/vision in the green chapel. he sleeps with essel once more after his return to camelot and becomes king, but instead of staying with her more permanently he leaves her behind and takes their son with him—as if punishing both her and himself for daring to want outside the mandate the class based heteronormativity would have him perform

and this is undoubtedly a punishment for the both of them because gawain goes on to live a wretched empty life (he marries a stranger he rarely spends time with her his son dies young in war his people revolt and he dies alone) and essel stands in the crowd watching him disdainfully, tense with a barely concealed fury at the life he stole from both of them

of course this kind of subliminal queerness is second to the real moment of faggotry in the film—bertalik kissing gawain. the key marker of queerness in the scene however, is less in the kiss itself and more in gawains reaction to it. he could have simply pulled away upon contact but instead he lingers. bertalik is the one who ends the kiss and they hold eye contact for a beat before gawain asks him to let him go. why did he not push him away at first then? it could have been shock in the moment of course, but he holds bertaliks hand even as he asks to be released. i would argue that it is a fear of desire within himself that spurs him to spurn bertalik rather than a revulsion at the thought of contact

now returning to the final scene as i mentioned earlier: all this in mind the only other moment of the film in which gawain seems at peace/content is when the green knight moves to behead him for the third time. the knight bows low and smiles, running a hand along gawains neck, and the film closes on the two smiling. for this scene of gentleness between two men, one who has shown predominantly fear and apprehension throughout the work and the other a grim, leashed violence, to be the closing note of the film is an interesting choice to say the least. the green knight at least in part represents a rejection of the reserved, dour conservative views of arthur and the rest of the ruling class. he represents a kind of freedom in body and spirit that encroaching christianity in the british isles sought to quash, so what then would it say of gawain that he feels more at ease kneeling before this wild untamed anti-society if you will than he did sitting in the lap of chaste, christian luxury? that he was more at home surrounded by loose, immoral sexual deviants than he was in the arms of the his home and family? that he feared bertaliks touch but almost, so it seems, didnt want it to stop?

what im trying to say is the green knight symbomizes gay love and being lowkey embraced by and/or beheaded by him represents gawains full surrender to faggotry and life outside the boundaries his family would have him live by

anyways watch the green knight 2021

[bloggingboutburgers]

Hi!! Sorry to bother you but i just want to feel like im not sick and wanted to share my thoughts with someone that wont judge me

But i feel really bad, i really feel like there’s something wrong with me i don’t like sex and every time i had sex before has been bc i was supposed to do it, i forced my self to lose my virginity bc i felt like it was about time and i was too old for keep being a virgin. Also i thought “well, maybe if i do it i’ll start liking it like everybody says” but i didn’t, i didn’t like it but i thought again “oh well, it’s the first time (im a ciswoman)they say it always hurts the first time, maybe the more i do it i’ll start liking eventually” but again, i didn’t, i had sex with different people that i felt attracted to and it ALWAYS HURTED, also every time i had to be with at least a little alcohol in my system, so actually i have never had sex being 100% sober.

Now i’m in a relationship but I don’t even like kisses and it sucks bc i really love my boyfriend, he knows about this but i kinda feel like even if he is very supportive about it and says he still wants to be with me, I think there’s this little part of him that wishes that one day i’ll change and we can have sex.

I feel bad bc is it ok to call him my boyfriend and not just a close friend? Im i even allowed to love? Do i have to force my self to do something I don’t really want to or enjoy to be loved? Am i worthy of being loved?

I'm so sorry. As a thirtysomething that had the privilege to afford never to have sex, and who doesn't plan to change that any time, soon, I can tell you from my own experience that yes, not wanting it is valid, and no one should blame you for it. No one should blame you for forcing yourself to try it (because damn the societal pressure is so real), and for never liking it either. I'm so sorry you've been so invalidated just for wanting to live as you are for so long.

Seems to me that what you have right now is something you've always deserved and it's tragic that you didn't get it any earlier, but it's such a relief you have it now. Of course it's OK to call him your boyfriend. As much as our closed-minded, stuck-in-its-own-way, can't-see-past-its-own-nose society would try to lead you to believe, you don't have to have or want sex with someone to love them, that's not a mandatory condition at all. Of course you're allowed to love and worthy of being loved. And no, you don't have to force yourself to do something you don't want to or enjoy to be loved. That applies not only to sex but to so many other things. You don't have to force yourself to do anything to be worthy of love.

It's idealistic thinking maybe, but I always think communication is incredibly important between two people, so I'd personally recommend (although take for that what you will, you were just sharing feelings here, it's not like you came into this inbox to be told what to do and it's kinda pretentious on my part to write this in the first place) to share those fears with your boyfriend, emphasizing, if you need to, that it's not that you don't trust him or don't love him, it's that with the struggles you've had to go through for so long as an asexual person, it's hard for you not to be scared of such things even if things are going great. Of course I don't know your boyfriend, but if you have the feeling he's supportive, I want to believe that he'll be there to reassure you and keep supporting you.

And heck, if it winds up being a disappointment and he actually did have sexual ulterior motives he can't do without... That's on him, not on you. There's nothing wrong with you not wanting sex. You have every right to enjoy loving someone and being with someone on your own terms. I'm fortunate enough to do so myself, at the moment (granted, in a queer platonic relationship so it's a bit different, but still), so I know first-hand it's possible. And I sincerely wish you the best. You don't deserve to be doubting yourself, your happiness and your right to happiness so much but I can't blame you for that either. Society can really fuck up an asexual's self-esteem. But fuck that noise. You're so valid as you are.

[red-velvet-0w0]

Erins list of media recomendations

Are you bored and looking for a new show to get into?

Did you follow me for one specific fandom and now have no idea what 90% of my posts are about?

Well look no further!

here is a list of a bunch of really cool media (of various genres/mediums) that I love and you might love too! (these are mostly going to be smaller fandoms/media that i dont think gets the attention they deserve):

Hello From the Hallowoods (podcast): My beloved! if you are a fan of Malevolent or TMA, and want other queer eye themed horror podcasts, this is my #1 recomendation. It is by far my favorite podcast of all time, and needs way more love then it gets. its currently still releasing episodes and is on its 4th season (slightly spoilery pitch (if you dont like spoilers look away): a scattered group of survivors of an apocalypse known as "the black rains" fight to survive in a strange and magical forest, as an all seeing god watches from afar)

Witherburn After School News (podcast): Another great underappreciated queer podcast. its still releasing episodes and is currently still in its first season. Though there are supernatural elements, the story remains far more grounded and interested in the ordinary lives of the people. Gives a lot of the same vibes of season 1 TMA, but if instead of the statements being the focus, the characters were given the spotlight while the supernatural stories loomed in the background (slightly spoilery pitch (if you dont like spoilers look away): a young reporter in a small town decides starts an afterschool radio show, where she discusses the goings on around town, and takes it upon herself to investigate the dissapearences of children that the police refuse to acknowledge)

Aurora Webcomic (webcomic): A webcomic made by OSP Red herself! the art and storytelling is phenomanal, and all of the characters are impecibaly written. it is currently in its second arc, and regularly releasing 3 pages a week. (also fun fact its where i got the name erin from) (slightly spoilery pitch (if you dont like spoilers look away): a demigod must rescue his master from a god-stealing witch before she is able to use his soul to end all life on earth. along the way he meets up with a cast of colorful characters, each with their own quests, who decide to band together to save the world)

Nova Drift (video game): did you ever play that old Asteroids video game back in the day? did you ever wonder what it would be like if it was instead a fast paced bright neon roguelike where you massacred everybody who stood in your path with high tech machinery? well nova drift has you covered! its a ton of fun and increadibly addicting, with tons of complexity and endless replayability

Epithet Erased (indie cartoon): If wordplay was a series. it was created by the youtuber JelloApocalypse based off of a rpg campaign he played with friends. Though its artstyle is relatively simple due to its low budget, the limits put upon the animation allow it to find new and creative ways to tell its story. (slightly spoilery pitch (if you dont like spoilers look away): In a universe where people have words tied to their souls that grant them powers, 6 people must battle it out in a museum for control over an ancient artifact)

The Wandering Inn (web fiction): another one of the reasons I go by Erin! though I honestly really need to catch up with it, I highly recomend the wandering inn if youre interested in more long-form stories. It is currently on volume 10 (i think im not sure) and each volume is longer then the last. If youre a fan of storys with hundreds of characters and shifting viewpoints youll love it. otherwise you should run in fear because you will not be able to remember half of the characters by volume 2. (slightly spoilery pitch (if you dont like spoilers look away): A chess prodigy from earth named Erin Solstice suddenly finds herself transported into an RPG style fantasy world with magic, classes, and levels. to survive, she decides to become a bartender)

Bigtop Burger (indie cartoon): If youre a fan of absurdist comedies, this is the show for you. Its made by the youtuber Worthikids and just finished its second season. its incredibly short and can be binged in its entirety in just over half an hour. (slightly spoilery pitch (if you dont like spoilers look away): a clown themed food truck attempt to sell burgers, while fighting with their rival food truck, and slowly realizing that their boss is not who they thought he was)

Kid Vampire (indie cartoon): much like Bigtop, KV is a simple and charming show with not much more going on. if your looking for some fun fluffy stories about some kids having fun, id recomend it, but if your looking for something more serious you might want to look elsewhere. Its made by the youtuber Mummy Joe, and is actively releasing episodes. (slightly spoilery pitch (if you dont like spoilers look away): a vampire child named Kid Vampire is sent to go to school with humans to kill them and steal their blood, but ends up making some new friends instead.)

Those are nowhere near all of my favorites, but id highly recomend you check at least 1 out! I adore all of these and if I can get even 1 more person to become a fan, ill consider that a win!

[couldbegayer]

what a weird year for me. new year ramblings under the cut.

i started 2024 off depressed and anxious. i'm ending the year depressed and anxious but now i've seen dan and phil and taylor swift.

but in all seriousness. this year was probably the most meaningful of my life so far, the year that i will look back on as the start of my "real life". i'm proud of what i've done.

in january i was just putting one foot in front of the other. i was severely overworked. i was on call at a busy hospital so my sleep was shocking. the shift work killed me and i would come home and just sit on my phone in my bedroom, lights off and air con on freezing. i didn't have the energy to have any hobbies anymore. just dissociate and sleep until its the next day and time to do it all again. after spending my early twenties getting my mental and physical health back on track, it kind of went to shit again.

it wasn't all bad. at this job i met some of my best friends, lifelong friends. but i wasn't thriving. i felt completely suffocated in my work identity, playing a role that others needed me to be, and feeling like i didn't have anything to offer outside of my job. where i was physically living, in regional central queensland (for anyone outside of aus, its one of the most conservative places in the country), was suffocating me too. it wasn't a very good place for a closeted trans person to live.

i turned 30 and instead of experiencing the stereotypical wave of lost youth like i expected, i felt inspired to get the fuck out. this life isn't serving me, i'm not happy, so let's get on with it and do something about it. and so i did the scariest thing that i've ever done. i quit my job and moved to the city to start my transition.

don't get me wrong, it wasn't as easy as that. moving didn't solve all my problems. saying goodbye to some of the only proper friends i've ever made in my entire was the hardest thing i've ever done and i haven't really made any close friends here, aside from someone i used to work with who moved here a year ago too. my transition didn't magically start. getting out of the shithole didn't sort out all of my anxiety about my family or society in general. but i faced my fear and saw a therapist and a doctor who prescribed me T-gel. i haven't taken it yet. it is sitting in my cupboard waiting for me when i'm ready.

life isn't perfect, but its better. marginally better is still better.

i wanted to share some of my favourite moments from 2024.

i went to sydney for the first time to see taylor swift! also my first concert ever. i've been a fan of hers for so long (my youtube channel is filled with edits of her songs lmao) and it was such an amazing experience. got to see sabrina carpenter live before her espresso moment so that was pretty cool too! from these videos it might seem like im uninterested BUT these are the only ones i have without my horrible singing in the background! i promise i was excited!! (this day was also pretty crazy because i woke up at 4:30am for the we're all doomed premiere so needless to say i was fucking wrecked at the end of it, but worth it!).

2. while in sydney i went on a walking tour of oxford street. i don't have any photos of this but i was completely shook seeing the whole street decked out for mardi gras. it was a surreal moment from me, after coming from a town with literal cow statues everywhere, to seeing a rainbow pedestrian crossing that wasn't defaced but celebrated. it was so surreal.

3. i turned the big 30 and had an emo themed party. i got a custom black cake but it was so shit and made me sick! i did get a refund but what the fuck

4. i went to a gay club for the first time, on chappell roan night no less! this was within a week of me moving to the city. pink pony club was my anthem at this time, for obvious reasons, so to scream this with a bunch of queers after leaving my old life behind was so cathartic.

bonus, i really liked good luck babe, okay?

5. i went to terrible influence and saw dan and phil with my own two eyes. i saw dan at we're all doomed last year but it was surreal to see the both of them together. i know i mentioned this several times, but i will keep harping on about it. i used my question card at the pre-show to properly come out to my friend as a trans guy, after three years of 'not a woman'. as luck would have it, they pulled my card and read my coming out moment out loud (and insulted my handwriting... never beating the "healthcare workers have shit handwriting" allegations). having them directly involved in my coming out moment, reading my words aloud, and them saying on breakfast tv that they love their trans fans.. i feel like it has changed me as a person. top moment of the year for me.

my self-acceptance moment aside, i had so much fun. i just wish i bought m&g tickets, they were available when i was checking out but my friend who i was going with didn't want to. i get kinda sad when seeing other's m&g photos. (mild spoilers ahead) but as the closest millennial to the stage, dan looked right at me when i cheered during his millennial outburst, so i'll take that!

so in summary, what a weird, heartbreaking, fantastic year for me. i have never been this optimistic about the new year before. i can't wait to see what 2025 brings.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for pretending to be cis online? im a trans man and have been trans for almost ten years now. i am pre-most transition even though i would like to fully transition, due to money and medical phobia complications. i do not pass irl.

a few years ago i attempted stealth (saying i was a cis man) on a discord server before ultimately admitting to being trans because i was afraid everyone could tell, and was informed that even though they even heard my voice on the server, no one there suspected i was afab, and even when i said i was trans, some people assumed i was coming out as transfem, because i had passed myself as a cis man so well. this gave me euphoria, of course, and made me regret telling anyone since i was apparently passing so well.

i held onto those feelings, and a year or so after that, quietly changed my bios and stuff to remove the trans part. a little while after that, i started actively saying i was cis male in my bios and to new friends.

i should clarify this is not out of safety or fear of transphobia, all my family and irl friends know im trans and are 100% supportive, im lucky enough to live in a very progressive area, and my online existence is small and filled with tons of trans and supportive people. it's only because i feel dysphoric when i know people can perceive me as afab, and since i don't have control over that irl, i just want someone in the world to see me as amab, even if im not and never will be.

i also am not by any means a transmed. i myself am also gnc, and many many of my friends are loud and proud queer weirdos, and i am too with everything but my agab. i love the wacky ways other trans folks present their genders and refuse to sanitize themselves for cisciety. i do not think anyone should ever have to water down who they are for any reason and i don't think being afab makes anyone less of a man, just i personally don't like facing the fact that i am afab and would rather people see me as a cis man whenever i can control it.

this might be where the asshole comes in here, because being gnc, being surrounded by so many trans people and being in many "afab dominated" spaces (such as fanfic writers, tumblr, fandom in general honestly) as well as having a lot of trans headcanons makes me paranoid people are going to clock me and even if they don't say anything they'll know im faking being cis. because of that, and to avoid the dreaded "egg" conversations (people trying to insist or imply that ill soon "find out" that im transfem) ive sometimes been telling people when the subject comes up that i had experimented with my gender before and thought i was transfem or nonbinary in the past, so i sort of fit the idea of cis+ and that might be why i feel more trans than cis even though im definitely cis.

i also tell them im intersex and have trans family (both of these are true, though obviously im intersex in a different way than i say) to get them off my scent.

i know i dont owe anyone my agab, but when all is said and done, i am lying about my gender and history with gender exploration, and i kinda feel like im disrespecting other trans folks by implying it would personally feel better to be cis, like i can't relate to other trans people saying they never want to be cis and the goal of being trans isn't to be cis. but i do. i also worry that having trans hcs (including in sexual contexts) for characters while im presenting myself as cis makes people think im a chaser.

anyway sorry this is long, but aita for lying about my gender?

What are these acronyms?

[figcookie01]

some queer and misc. analysis of trish una

im not sure if everyone saw my addition on this post here proposing the theory that bucciarati is a "parental" character in a non-traditional and queer sense, but i wanted to continue that discussion by talking about trish now.. since to me, she has what could be described as araki's first attempt at a true character arc for a female character, who simultaneously has elements that read like queer self-actualization that we watch unfold throughout the story.

for the purposes of this analysis, what is important to recognize about trish's introduction is how she is figuratively (team bucciaratis mission to protect her will get them closer to giorno/bucciaratis goals) and literally (his only known relative and identifiable factor at the start) linked to her father; she loses her mother (loving supportive family), is thrust into a horrifying world out to harm her for factors beyond her control, and is expected to blindly trust her father and by extension his men assigned to protect her. its no wonder she is so guarded, but my point here is how this establishes trish as starting off vulnerable and uncertain of the world she's inadvertently embroiled in beyond her safe upbringing with her mother.

nevertheless, trish is repeatedly described as having the willpower to figure these things out for her own sake, and a tenacity for these frightening events (la squadra's attacks) beyond that on the average person. both giorno and abbacchio mention it at different points (although abbacchios line is changed to narancias in the anime).

perhaps the most notable early example of her gumption is what she first says at the end of the grateful dead/beach boy fight. although bucciarati is not at liberty to answer her questions about both why she is being attacked, and also what the truth about these strange powers are.

however, id argue this is in line with what has been previously established for bucciarati's character to say; that it is up to trish herself to determine what these things mean, especially if they are related to her intrinsic identity.

this continues once they arrive in venice at the church, where we get to see trish's human vulnerability and fear. something i find particularly interesting is that, above all else, she is afraid of the uncertainty about what her father will be like and her personal fate.

this was one of the original things i wanted to talk about under a queer reading; for a queer person to come out to their family, there sometimes may be a concern about alienation of self. that is, coming out may, figuratively and literally, feel like you are revealing an entire side or life you live that they know nothing about. it may be about seeking approval from those who are, in many cases, a major part of life and your upbringing; she wants this week from hell to be over so she can return to some semblance of normalcy as herself, and her father is her only hope for this then.

something of particular note that bucciarati responds with is the probability that she will be given an entire new identity and forced to uproot even further, separated in even her most fundamental identity from the life she once led for the sake of her fathers comfort. even before the horrific reception her father gives her, trishs chances of being accepted as she is and loved are poor, a matter that might be incredibly common for people who try to express who they really are to unwelcoming families.

in trishs case, diavolo has literally never met her at all in any capacity, nor was he present in her upbringing; there is an extra factor of blind faith she must put into him. but he is the only biological "family" shes got; we will talk about nontraditional families and team bucciarati in a moment.

for this reason, bucciarati assures her (whether it is of his own doomed naivety or something else entirely) that a family will love you no matter what, because thats what they do. its a value that, up until that next moment, was something he himself had complete faith in.

as the rest of this arc shows though, that wasnt the case for trish, and never would be.

the events at san giorgio are the turning point for the entirety of vento aureo, with trish at the center of it all. and while this analysis is focused on trish, i wanted to include how it is also an earth-shattering moment for bucciarati, now faced with the culminating reality that the boss never gave a shit about family in the first place, and was only after his selfish desire to be unknowable. his attempted murder of his innocent civilian daughter invokes, to me, the needless cruelty some unaccepting families may have towards their children upon coming out or other realization that their child is both related to them, but not in a way they deem acceptable.

while it is laid out rather straightforwardly, this needless cruelty from biological family is relatable enough to change narancias mind and follow bucciarati after he betrays the gang; cementing once more that the only bonds of trust these characters have are with one another, since not even their biological families will care for them, let alone society.

at the restaurant in venice, narancia is still fearful about how trish will receive this absolute rejection, but her reception is surprisingly determined.

in the past, ive seen this scene used as the real point where trish as a female character finally comes into her own as a person, but as we previously established, she really had it in her all along, and it was only put to the test then (more on her innate courage in a moment).

trish, like the rest of team bucciarati, has no choice but to persist as she is, to exist as her own person even if all the odds are against her. not only this, but she tentatively decides to join in bucciaratis cause, a move that she explains as just to find her own origins or die trying. at this point, her motive might be concerned only with herself, but throughout the notorious BIG fight, that matter changes.

aboard the plane to sardinia, trish grapples with the willingness of team bucciarati to pursue diavolo, even after they no longer are required to protect her. i would say this is when she begins to feel comradery with the team and their cause to exist boldly in the face of someone all-powerful (diavolo) who wishes they were dead, rather than just being someone or something reduced to a secondary role (although how shes treated after this fight is another story...)

the moment trish realizes that she alone can save giorno (and therefore, the entirety of the team), she is struck with the final dilemma of whether or not she wants to get involved with all of these things on the front lines. she decides she does, without being fully conscious of it, because of the courage now awakened and manifested in-full as her stand, spice girl.

spice girl is unique as a stand for being one of the few that seems to have her own consciousness, although it really is a part of trishs consciousness that was always a part of her, now fully realized in literal, physical form.

the courage required for her stand to now fully manifest was in her all along, and under a queer lens this could be likened to a person now being able to live authentically as they are, the incongruity mostly solved now that she has grown as a person and has a (support) group/system of those who have had similar experiences.

notorious BIG concludes with trish delivering her own beatdown and saving all of the team, seeming to fully cement her as a force to be reckoned with within the jojo universe and her nuanced personhood that had been building this entire time.

all this in mind, this isnt to say that trish's character doesnt feel stunted by araki after this point, for no other reason than misogyny. her destruction rank-A level stand and fighting prowess is forgotten after they arrive in sardinia, and during the green day/oasis fight she is conveniently relegated to the caretaker position for narancia, even if giorno is the "healer" and her own stand stronger than his in combat. i would argue the biggest injustice towards trish as a fully fledged character was the enforcement of these stereotypically feminine roles on a character who, as weve just discussed, has learned to be confident, courageous, and unapologetically herself throughout the entirety of vento aureo.

when i first set out to write this post, i was concerned with talking about trish from an almost entirely queer angle. it evolved, then, into something much more full-bodied, with that being simply one lens you can apply to her character arc.

id love to discuss these things (and the stuff in my bucciarati analysis) at greater lengths, and also want to say that despite writing this over a period of time, i may have messed up my wording or made points that seem like reaches... none of this is meant to speak for the experiences of any real person, and are rather generalizations. i hope that regardless of these things, more people can see vento aureo for the narrative value i really think it has, especially to the queer fanbase who, including myself, may relate heavily to the subtextual experiences depicted.

special thanks to @fur-bee for going through this with me and giving me key insights and for my other friends to proofread and such :D

[wooziorgans]

hi. as a queer person, especially a trans man, the results of the american election are genuinely terrifying.

i do not really talk about my political beliefs on this account, but in my personal life i am incredibly involved in local politics within my country and i have been keeping up with the election because its so close (geographically) to me.

there are genuinely no words to describe the despair and the pain i feel for all of my american friends.

the increase in anti trans legislation in canada has been rough enough as is, but to know that my trans siblings won’t have access to life saving medication and treatment for the next four years, that queer people will not have the right to marry, that women will not have access to abortion under any circumstances, to know that immigrants will have to relocate and people of colour will be segregated and hate crimed… its a lot.

to all of my american followers, friends and mutuals, i am so sorry. there is nothing i can say to comfort you other than that i am so sorry. im sorry that your rights were determined by an outdated voting system. i am so sorry that democracy failed you because of pure misogyny and racism.

these factors, these things that people are born into, identities that cannot change to fit the mold of a fascists ideals… people are going to die.

initially, my first thought was that “people survived him for four years last time, they can do it again” but then i removed the veil and thought about it for more than a second, put myself in that situation and realized it’s so much worse than i ever imagined it could be.

millions of people died last time he was in office. millions of people did not survive him. and millions of people will not survive him this time.

i am already living walking on eggshells in canada. anti trans legislation is at an all time high in the provinces, with only two provinces being low risk, and one province planning to ban legal name and sex changes altogether. but to be living that for the next four years?

to have to resort to unsafe versions of gender affirming care. to live in fear of your own body, of biological functions. to perform unsafe abortions because your access to safe birth control has been completely abolished… i cannot imagine the fear and the anger that all of you are feeling right now.

this is a very dark time. and if you voted third party or for the republicans, i hope you’re ashamed of yourself for putting people’s lives at risk. for voting for a convicted felon and rapist. for voting for a racist and misogynist.

i do not want anyone who voted or endorsed the republicans on my account. you are not welcome here.

“it’s not that deep” it IS that deep. people are dying.

[velvetvexations]

if you cant accept the lived experience of others in a way that might conflict with ur own to the point where you not only dismiss it entirely, but also make an effort to silence and degrade those voices in an effort to dismiss them from the conversation that you claim is a fight to bring equality of us all, then idk what to tell you.

i have no idea what happened in the last decade but it seriously feels like we've backpedaled to a time where i was fearful that by taking hormones and becoming a man, i would become the enemy of anyone who calls themselves a feminist. the cultural attitude i was brought up in led me to put off my transition for years, and it took me to a very dark place that i wouldn't wish upon anyone.

i also hate to bring this up but, being raised as a girl, i was very often spoken over or not listened to, told i was stupid or otherwise infantalised. Most of us hopefully realise that this isnt fair and want to move towards a society where this isnt the case. When i speak about the particular issues trans men face, i cant help but feel an eerily familiar feeling when im told that my issues arent important, that they do not exist or i'm selfish for wanting to do something about it.

people claim tme/tma labels are useful for speaking about populations but fails to concretely describe who is part of that population, by picking and choosing who should be included based on the issue being argued. how can this framework be considered inclusive when it seems to be fundamentally built upon excluding or refusing to acknowledge people?

you cant make a framework that, by default, cant support trans men/masculine people, non binary people, intersex people and other swathes of demographics, and then act like those people are whining, selfish brats or brutish, misogynistic idiots for calling you out on the exclusivity.

actual scum behaviour, please go spend time with queer folk in your actual, real life community and learn that we arent the enemy you seem to think we are.

thanks velvet nation, i really needed the vent space.

You're always allowed to vent here. <3