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ed-recovery-affirmations · 2 years ago

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Thank you for replying to my ask and having this blog! I didn't want to tell any detail about my ed I thought that would be very triggering for some people cause it's about losing and gaining weight and dieting so trigger warning!!

But I guess I have always had since high school disturbed body image because diet culture starts affecting you very early on.

In college when I have had depressive episodes one way to cope was restricting my eating and then when I lost the weight I gained when depressed I started to feel better and it was like this yo-yo ish many years.

But oh god last year I had so many things that caused me stress I was living in a survival mode the whole 2021 and maybe still am, and idk why I gained weight guickly maybe it was many things combined. Then when things were bad my bf left me and my friends didn't help me and I was left kinda alone and the only way to cope again was thinking of losing weight. So this is such a classic but my ed was the symptom of my hard life situation and way to cope with the anxiety and stress.

But restricting my eating didnt 'work 'like it used to in the past, I havent been able to lose the gained weight and so my energy and time is still focused on losing that weight even now when im my life situation has improved a bit.

I have talk about my issues with doctors and I feel they haven't been taking my symptoms seriously or have focused just on my depression and anxiety (which are caused by ed so this is a fun cycle). Yesterday I talked to a nutritionist for the first time since applying help and she just said what I already know that even tho ed is a mental health problem the only way to cure is by eating. And that I should stop thinking about losing weight cause that only worsens everything (yeah no shit). And that she can't help me cope with the anxiety it's the other healthcare system that should (have) do(ne) that.

The thing is I have triedddd so much this whole time to take care of my eating but if I had succeeded I wouldn't be having any problems with it still u know?

It's kinda ironic how much I know about ed without being able to do anything. First I need to fix my nutritional status I think that's where everyone starts. And after that maybe intuition eating. I need to learn dbt skill to cope with anxiety and depression. And stop stressing about everything everywhere qll the time. Buying new clothes that fit so looking at my too small clothes wouldn't be so triggering. I need to learn self compassion and find a therapist but they are in high demand so that's really hard. I need to find things that I like about myself and repeat those. But everytime when I fail at trying to fix my daily routine and fix my eating routine I think of it as a setback and its a cycle very hard to get off (I need to wake up early to eat breakfast and lunch early so I wouldn't be so hungry at evening and night cause then I can't sleep properly and then I sleep in and then I eat late and then im hungry at evening and night cause I don't wanna eat too much in the evening and then I sleep in cause my blood sugar is so low from not eating enough in the evening does this make any sense at all) and I think I have ibs from so much stress and I think that's actually the reason I have gained weight like I'm bloated all the time. And i dont have any support cause my depression/ ed made me also isolate from my friends and/or they kinda left me also so yeah. Ummmmm this became a lot longer than i thought. if you read this all thank you and also sorry for dumping all my problems here

Sorry that it took me so long to respond to this - my own life situation is kind of taking a toll on me rn, and I've been slow to respond to people. That will continue to be the case, most likely.

But I'm sorry you've found the system so unhelpful! I really think a competent nutritionist should at least be a little understanding of mental health problems, especially when a lot of people coming to them with additional health needs will probably be coping with a lot and might need a little empathy. I mean, yeah, that's not her main job, but healthcare requires a multipronged approach, especially since her "just eat" directive won't be helpful without someone assisting with the mental health aspect simultaneously. I mean, if she frequently works with ED clients she should know that - "just eat" is such an ineffective directive. I hope you find a therapist or a team of therapists that are capable of helping you.

My advice, though? Break it down for yourself. All of these things are a cycle that feed into one another, so making progress in ANY of these areas you struggle in is still progress. And if you let yourself focus on one thing at once, it might not seem so overwhelming. Also remember that everyone struggles with hard days/moments, so if you slip, it doesn't mean you've lost all your progress. It seems an all-or-nothing approach can be really self-defeating. I get it, though - that's definitely something I still find myself struggling with!

I really hope you find more social support! I don't know if you have any online support groups. I also hope it's okay that I published this ask - I tend to do it unless otherwise specified so that people on here don't feel alone in their struggles. I bet there have been lots of ED sufferers who struggled during the pandemic, who have been feeling a lot of overwhelm and who struggle with finding adequate support and on trying to accept their bodies as-is and who are triggered by things like buying new clothes. I'm wondering if anyone else would like to share their experiences.

#weight mention #restriction cw #ask vent

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gokubrain · 4 years ago

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Hi! What is Age 801 about (was it a DBS thing? I kinda refuse to watch DBS and have only read the Trunks/Goku Black arc, Moro arc, and [now] Granola arc)? Also, can we get some more canonically gay moments with Goku and Vegeta, please? Preferably DBZ and screenshots are a bonus. :-D Thanks! XOXOXO

HII buckle in this is a long one LOL

Age 801:

for starters, i've talked briefly abt age 801 on my twitter before but i'd be glad to talk about it here too HAHA

though i haven't actually played this first hand so i won't go into too much detail in fear of giving wrong information. BUT BASICALLY there was this game called Dragon Ball Online, which "was a massive multiplayer online role-playing game being developed in Japan and South Korea by NTL, set in the Dragon Ball universe." again i didnt play it but from what i understand it takes place 200 ish years after the end of the buu arc in dbz.

age 801 is the year of goku's death, but it goes deeper than that LOL

APPARENTLY as goku realized his time to die was approaching, he reached out to vegeta, and the two of them LEFT EARTH WITHOUT A WORD and traveled to a far away planet in the middle of no where to have one final battle where they both went out in a blaze of glory. i don't remember where i heard this but apparently their death battle caused a supernova that was seen from earth years later

guys?? if that's not the most fucking homoerotic and romantic thing you have ever heard than ur a liar HAHAHDFJH

ALSO THIS STORYLINE WAS APPROVED BY TORIYAMA WHICH IS ABOUT AS CLOSE TO CANON AS ANYTHING LIKE THIS IS EVER GONNA GET SO. personally i'm considering this the locked in, canonical ending for them because it's just SO perfect.

this idea that goku wanted to provide a sense of closure regarding their rivalry,, the fact that vegeta was just on board with dying like this before his time simply because he didn't want to live without goku,,, GOKU KNOWING THIS AS TRUE AND EVEN DECIDING THAT HE WANTED TO DIE ALONGSIDE VEGETA IN THE FIRST PLACE... OH THANK YOU DRAGON BALL ONLINE THANK YOU SO MUCH <3

i desperately wish i had more info on this to tell you, but i never played the game and the wiki is painfully short so !! like i wonder how long they were traveling before they found a planet far enough away,, if it took years to see the supernova then they must have been traveling for a very very long time. ALSO A SUPERNOVA??? HOW FUCKING SEXY IS THAT LOL, I LOVE SPACE/STAR IMAGERY IN TERMS OF KAKAVEGE (COUGH YOU ARE THE SUN AND I AM JUST THE PLANETS SPINNING AROUND YOU COUGH COUGH) to think that their simultaneous deaths erupted in a supernova...... god it jsut warms my heart so much THANK YOU dragon ball online

Kakavege Canon Stuff:

and nice timing, i was just looking for someone to talk with about this particular scene LOL

i'm rewatching dbz rn and i'm really obsessed with this one little filler arc that happens immediately after the saiyan arc. vegeta's on his way to some freeza planet to heal up, and goku's hospitalized. it's not very much content bc it's actually just a little side-thing that's shown while the Real filler is happening but i still love it regardless

i'm soo obsessed with this cinematic parallel here LOL i love that they're both healing from this battle at the same time but theyre also both thinking about what happened like. a LOT lol, pretty much any time either of them are on screen they're thinking about the fight that just happened HAHA

vegeta is literally floating in a healing pod dreaming about the fight whispering "kakarot" over and over?? and goku keeps sneaking out of the hospital to train for when vegeta comes back??

it's so cute LOL goku keeps like. getting out of bed and trying to train for when vegeta gets back and they're all like dude,,, ur seriously injured pls just stay in bed LOL

ITS HARD TO TELL BUT HE'S DOING SIT UPS HERE LOL

even outside of kakavege i think this is so fucking cute LOL HE'S LIKE "GUYYYSSS I'M FINE JUST LET ME TRAIN" AND THEYRE LIKE GOKU LMFAOFJDSJKFH YOURE IN A FULL BODY CAST....

but this concept that he's pushing himself wayyyy past his limits because he's so excited to fight vegeta again is just so precious wahhhh

ALSO THERES THIS ONE REALLY GOOD SCENE WHERE IT SHOWS VEGETA THINKING ABOUT GOKU AND THEN IT CUTS TO GOKU RANDOMLY PUNCHING THE AIR AND EVERYONE IS LIKE "GOKU?? WTF" AND HE'S LIKE "LOL SORRY I GOT EXCITED"AHAHKJFDSHA IM ABSOLUTELY OBSESSED WITH THE LIKE. PARALLELS BETWEEN THEM WHERE THEYRE JUST BOTH THINKING ABOUT EACH OTHER AT THE SAME TIME ITS SO CUTE

i cant show it very well in screenshots but trust me the scene transition from vegeta talking abt the fight to goku just punching the air?? is so cute

if u wanna see it for urself i'll link it here, timestamp is 9:49

idk i just love it a lot LOL I KNOW ITS KINDA SMALL AND SEEMS LIKE IM REALLY GRASPING HERE BUT,, IDK I MEAN. the way the show sets it up so that's its like. vegeta in a healing pod saying "kakarot" (and NOTHING ELSE HAPPENS IN THE SCENE BTW HE'S JUST LIKE. "KAKAROT,,," AND THEN IT TRANSITIONS AHHA FDJH) and then immediately cuts to goku trying to sneak out of the hospital to train for vegeta's return (or smth similar)?? like the show is obviously trying to set up this parallel here between them and like. idk whether this is intentional or not but it DOES come off pretty gay imo LMAODJFJH

AND LIKE. OKAY i know vegeta's excuse is revenge and i know goku's excuse is wanting to protect earth when vegeta returns but,,, u also have to remember that goku LET VEGETA GO FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF SEEING HIM AGAIN LOL SO LIKE. basically this whole scene is goku being like "omg i'm too excited i can't just sit here in the hospital?? i have to train i have to be ready for him" LOL

this entire little filler is just so... like idk i feel like. during the fight they both had some wild thoughts and emotions flying around that they couldn't really sit down and piece together at that time (because.... they were amidst a life or death battle LOL) but this downtime is really important, like the seed has been planted and now they're both gonna spend time sitting here stewing and thinking about each other?? like this is IT, this is the first of many, many times that they'll be thinking about one another. this is how feelings start blooming hehe

one more thing, there's this scene where goku sneaks out of the hospital successfully and goes to train in the middle of nowhere but he overexerts himself terribly and falls, and as he's about to fall to his death he starts thinking about vegeta LOL

THIS HAPPENS A LOT BUT WHENEVER GOKU IS ABOUT TO DIE HE HAS A HABIT OF USING VEGETA AS LIKE. AN ANCHOR TO KEEP HIMSELF ALIVE AND PUSH FORWARD LOL

LIKE THIS INFAMOUS SCENE FROM MUCH LATER ON:

GOKU'S ON THE EDGE OF GETTING HIS ASS ABSOLUTELY KICKED AND HE STARTS HALLUCINATING ABOUT VEGETA?/AHGHADHFJJSDHGF

OKAY REWIND PLEASE I HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THIS SCENE.

OKAY,,, LIKE. OKAY. OBVIOUSLY, WHY IS HE NAKED. OBVIOUSLY. GOKU?? HELLO????

BUT THIS JUST FUCKING PROVESHAHSDH GOKU USES VEGETA AS LIKE. A SOURCE OF COMFORT WHEN HIS BACK IS AGAINST A WALL!! HE USES VEGETA TO PUSH HIMSELF JUST AS MUCH AS VEGETA USES GOKU TO PUSH HIMSELF !! THEY'RE LITERALLY SO FDHSGJHKBDG

I COULD TALK ALL DAY ABOUT THE SCENE WHERE VEGETA GETS ALL VULNERABLE BEFORE DYING AND BEGS GOKU TO KILL FREEZA AND THEN GOKU BURIES HIM BECAUSE IT MAKES ME SO SO EMOTIONAL BUT I HAVE TO STOP HERE LOL i'm losing my mind

#sorry bestie my brain is mush this post took like 2 hours to make LMFAODJHFJH #WHICH IS MY OWN FAULT BUT #'say the line bart' - sorry its incoherent #and messy #i just needed to ramble LOL I HOPE I MADE SENSE #anyway #kakavege #answered

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zpetlovesglitter · 4 years ago

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The Wicked Powers Theories

The Wicked Powers has recently been getting me excited WAY too much - which says a lot about how weird I am since Cassie hasn’t even started on it yet (LOL).

aND, so, I kind of thought it’d be nice to jot down some predictions and theories on how the series might go and maybe some thoughts on THE SHIPS (that really do be the real TEA).

So.Here we go.And do let me know about any thoughts you have on this topic as well - I read anything about TWP like a crazed creature these days istg.

1)The POV has already been envisioned to be from Ty, Dru and Kit. I absolutely love this settlement since they are all very intriguing characters. Ty is an interesting person and his actions are always unpredictable, so we might enjoy this one. And,I believe he is at The Scholomance while the story progresses, followed by Livvy (Ghost Livvy, I mean).It’s still unclear what Livvy’s situation is, so I can’t wait to know more about that - it’s bound to be something unexpected. And, as for Dru, it’s kinda obvious. We all know that WE HAVE A LOVE TRIANGLE COMING UP. But, other than that, we also know she attends The Academy and finally starts to makes some friends and even has that really close Italian (..or was it Spanish???) Shadowhunter friend who’s her age and Cassie also revealed that the two are really tight indeed. And I will be honing in on the Love Triangle soon - I told you I’ll be trying to spill whatever tea I’m guessing at. And, as for the last character WE HAVE KIT! OMFG YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE OLDER BROTHER KIT.LIKE GOSH DARN IT HE IS SO ADORABLE AND MINA IS SO EFFING CUTE I CAN’T EVEN- AND KIT’S TRAINING WITH JEM AND HE IS GOING TO BE A WELL-TRAINED SHADOWHUNTER IN TWP, SO YAYYYY!! And, I absolutely CANNOT wait for MinaXKit interactions, they are the cutest siblings ever and I absolutely know that Mina grows up to be sarcastic. I can’t wait for the possible sarcastic arguments between Kit and 4-year old Mina. YOU THINK I FORGOT ABOUT KITxTY? NOPE.THE REAL SHET’S COMING UP.

2)Now,we know that the storyline is going to have something to do with that Faerie Heirloom that was from the Rosales Family. And, Cassie also said it was going to be kind of an Arthurian Legend-ish story. If you don’t know the Arthurian Legend, I suggest you read on it. I’m not sure if Cassie meant the characters and LOVE Aspect of it or the LEGEND aspect of it as in the stuff about Excalibur and all. But, for now we’ll view it in both and examine it, shall we?

King Arthur's reign ends after his wife and best knight have an affair.

This is the drama in the legend.But, there are no relationships with the MCs yet. So idk. I’m clueless. Like, maybe Dru has a relationship?? Okay I’m clutching at practically nothingness so don’t judge me. :/

So,it’s obviously something to do with the LEGEND.

I am afraid I cannot say too much about it, since I have never read too deeply about it. But, here’s some of the basics:

-He managed to pull out Excalibur from the rock it was stuck in.

-He wielded Excalibur for the people and not for his own self-interest.

-He gets help from a wizard named Merlin.

-The peeps go on a quest.

And I have this reference from a website..I’ll hit u with the link as well, if you’d like to read more on it like I did

Arthurian legend, the body of stories and medieval romances, known as the matter of Britain, centring on the legendary king Arthur. Medieval writers, especially the French, variously treated stories of Arthur’s birth, the adventures of his knights, and the adulterous love between his knight Sir Lancelot and his queen, Guinevere. This last situation and the quest for the Holy Grail (the vessel used by Christ at the Last Supper and given to Joseph of Arimathea) brought about the dissolution of the knightly fellowship, the death of Arthur, and the destruction of his kingdom.

(I’ve linked it with the text above.)

So,now I thought this was interesting- the destruction part. After all, it’s something I’m expecting about the Shadowhunters. Will the Clave maybe be destroyed? Or maybe Faerie will be destroyed? So,there were three things that brought on this uh Destruction.FIRST, his wife and his best buddy were going behind his back and doing them lovey-dovey stuff. And they all go on some quest to retrieve something important to them. So, this sounds like something plausible to be the plot of TWP. Maybe the Heirloom’s missing? And who goes on the quest though? Maybe they venture through Faerie? BLAH MY HEAD HURTS SOME THINGS ARE BETTER TO BE SURPRISED WITH ;)

-----I kinda scrolled back up while writing about Janus down there and remembered CLARY MIGHT BE TAKEN HOSTAGE LIKE YESS AND THEY GO FIND HER MAYBE?

3)We will defo see Christina, Mark and Kieran at some point- no worries, Emma and Julian too. Happy Couples! XD

4)So,then we can look forward to Dru and Jaime’s interactions. I am absolutely excited for this the most, as a shipper of the two. If you remember, we saw Jaime ignoring her for a while back there at the end of QOAAD and then he says “See ya at the Academy soon ig”. I really do hope they meet and hang out as friends, at least. I am excited to see what kind of trope it’s gonna be tho. Like, do they ignore each other and remain awkward until they start the adventure stuff in the book where they eventually have to talk to each other after years or smth. Or, maybe they’re really good friends rn. But, what I’ll warn y’all shippers is that they might not end up together, and could wind up as brother-sister-ish kind of best buddies. Which is equally cute a relationship imo. It’s a really sweet thing to be, really. I lowkey hope Cassie spins something beautiful for their relationship like a sibling-like best friends kind of thing. But, I feel like they might have feelings for each other in secret. Or maybe they date. Or maybe they suppress their secret-feelings for the sake of friendship later on in the book and end up having that really sweet friendship I was talking about.There are SO many options and that is precisely why I am so freaking excited.

5)JAIME ROCIO ROSALES. Like, I have this gut feeling that he might end up being my fave male protagonist character in TSC. He’s got it ALL. Like, the sense of humour, the looks, the bubbly yet brooding personality, the quirks and OFC THE FRICKING NAME ITSELF IS CUTE AF LIKE BRUH I CANNOT WAIT TO READ ABOUT HIM.I have so much to say about Jaime but I’d rather we let ourselves simply wait for the crumbs Cassie might give us or maybe reread all his parts in TDA like I do everyday or just wait for the book to come out rather than simp for someone we know nothing about yet....

6)Ash Morgenstern. He’s a cute lil bean. That was random and untrue lmao. He’s not a ‘lil bean’. He’s totally badass with dem wings and all, but we know he’s soft inside for Janus and ofc Dru, I believe. I find him the most intriguing character, honestly. I would love to know what goes through his head. He’s actually, like, the one character in TSC that I don’t have all figured out. He gon surprise us all for sure tho. He is awesome. That’s all I have to say for now. And he looks up to Janus which is SO GODDAMN SWEET AHHHH. And THE WINGS I CANNOT WAIT TO READ MORE ABOUT THE WINGS IT SOUNDED SO BADASS ISTG I LITERALLY CANNOT WAIT GOSH DARN IT. But he really do be a cute lil bean lowkey tho.

7)Kit and Ty LOL. I have no words really. But lemme tell you how it might go. There is definitely going to be some kind of reunion. AND THEN THAT’S WHERE IT GETS CUTE. They could either be awkward and we know what tension that gets us-perhaps some whisperings of My Watson...(? ;) and maybe they go all sad and brooding with dem looks later OR, they could be the sweetie-pies they were before and be happy and all HIII BUDDDYYYY MISSED YAAA LESS GO BE DETECTIVES YAY BURN IT UP MAH BUDDY!! Either way it’s going to be cute af and we know it . TRUST IN CASSIE Y’ALL.I trust Cassie to let this ship sail the seven seas and seven more like it deserves.

8)Ash and Dru So, Ash has a strange lil fixation on Dru and I believe he even thought she was ‘pretty’ or something. It was definitely a good adjective, but I think he said ‘pretty’. idk but we know he likes her. and I can imagine a nice relationship. I can picture them with her hair flying in the wind and they meet for the first time or smth. IHNI WHAT IM SAYING. But, there will be DRAMA. They are going to be real cute with each other YOU CAN BET ON THAT.And, by cute I do not necessarily mean ‘Oh, you have the loveliest eyes’ or some shet like that. I have a feeling it’s going to be a case of ‘Well,that’s not weird or anything YOU WEIRDO - NO U - NO U - NO U’ However this relationship is going to go, I know that it’ll be a sweet one.And, for all you shippers of these two, I have no assurances that HE IS THE ONE or anything but he is definitely a candidate. Jaime is going to be some competition I can tell. So, idk. It depends on the Jaime x Dru ship to decide things for Ash x Dru ship imo, since it might be a no-brainer if the two have feelings for each other- I mean,Jaime is an actually perfect love interest in TSC, while Ash is strong potential Best-Friend material, so it’s ONLY if Jaime and Dru don’t like each other that way that Ash could make it as a love interest. So, if y’all wanna find out what’s in it for you guys, ask Cassie maybe about how the Jaime x Dru ship might go, the next time u wanna ask her ;)

9)Tavvy and maybe the kid Helen and Aline might have had We were getting hints of another baby, so HERE WE GO.Tavvy might have a playmate. :D. YAYYYYYYYYYY

10)Janus I’m honestly worried about him. He is a worrisome character. I hate empathising with the antagonist, personally. AAAAHHHH . I hope we see some character development in him. I really don’t want to see him as an antagonist in the story. He’s sweet and feels cheated, but he should realise that it ain’t Jace’s fault but SEBASTIAN’S fault. I would like for him to make amends with Jace :( And, also, he might get the story started in TWP tho idk. But, seriously tho, when he went home in that short story and Ash asked, “I thought you were gone forever?” or something of that sort and he shook his head sadly and Ash went soft for him. Like, that fricking broke my heart. I love this relationship tho. And, i hope Clary and him can be good friends. But, I feel like he might end up dying to save her or smth and make us all cry . T_T

11)WHAT TF IS GOING ON WITH THE SHADOWHUNTER POLITICS RN THO?HOW AND WHERE ARE THEY ALL SURVIVING TOGETHER WHAT IS THEIR SYSTEM AND STUFF THIS IS NOT A POINT WITH POTENTIAL THEORIES COZ HONESTLY I WANT TO BE SURPRISED BUT I THINK THEY MIGHT ALL JUST BE IN HIDING AND THEN IN TWP THEY MIGHT HAVE TO COME OUT FOR A QUEST OR SMTH AND WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THE SHADOWHUNTERS AT THE CLIMAX OF THIS WHOLE SERIES??? IT IS THE END OF TSC SO IM SCARED AND KINDA SAD TOO :(((((((

12)Thule We might learn more about the Thule world and maybe they restore it or maybe the Quest is in Thule. idk. we don’t know much, but Thule will most probably be explored a lot. Cassie wouldn’t have opened up Thule for no reason.

13)Zara and Emma Showdown? Befriend e/o ? What’s in store for these two? If it’s a showdown we get to see CORTANA YAY I AM OBSESSED WITH CORTANA NOW BECAUSE OF CORDELIA AND HER OBSESSION GOSH DARN IT WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME

14)BIG WAR I see a huge war coming I just know it. It’s a climax so there MUST be a big war and so I cannot wait! Feel like there’s gonna be some deaths as well. Lowkey feel like Jia might die. I can feel it. :(

15)The best-friend shadowhunter of Dru is a nice thing to look forward to! I can’t wait to read about the two! And I love the fact that Dru is finally exposed to new people. And, for anyone who’s confused as to how she goes to the Academy, in QOAAD she only said she’ll have some maturity done AFTER some years . Those years are over and she at the Academy now hecc yeah I BELIEVE THE BFF IS CALLED THAI AND SHE’S FROM THE SPANISH INSTITUTE CORRECT ME IF IM WRONG???

16)Magnus Bane He is literally everywhere. He gon be here too. No worries for all the Magnus Bane stans. He’ll make it here without a doubt! Good for you :). and the entire community of shadowhunters they literally always need him 17)THE MAIN MAIN PLOT THE SHADOWHUNTERS SHOWDOWN IS OBVIOUSLY GOING TO ALSO BE RELATED TO THE PRINCES OF HELL COMING TOGETHER AND I AM TOO SCARED TO LOOK TOO INTO IT BUT WE KNOW SHIZ COMING GNJODIFPEDWEFHUGBJ VM

18)THIS IS KINDA RANDOM BUT I CAN’T WAIT FOR THE SELF-ESTEEM GROWTH IN DRU LIKE PLEASE SHE QUEEN MWAH

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swordmaid · 4 years ago

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creator tag meme

tagged by the local angel @giuseppearcimboldo thank you so much lizzie!

rules: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 (ish) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

VERY happy i can fill this out because i’ve been so productive this year lol. also this is all gonna be jb bc ive been RELENTLESS and spamming and i would apologize but i wont lmao

1. jb eros/psyche au.

i am talking about everything i have done for the au btw, because i’ve done quite a handful of things and honestly i really love all of them--even the doodle ones which rarely happens. anyway, i love this au in general. i think the tale is perfect for them, and i’m happy with the works that i managed to put out most esp this one that’s based on canova’s sculpture of eros and psyche. translating sculpture into digital art was interesting since it was all about converting the weight and structure of the sculpture into the screen and i think i managed to do it imo! i love how brienne looks heavy in his arms, i love how strong jaime looks holding her up and i especially love the way i shaded her dress to mimic the lines that the statue has. all in all, this au slapped and i actually want to do more of it but i have no inspiration right now.

2. jb as classical art series.

honestly i never thought that this was going to be a series lol i thought it was just a two time thing, but then i did another one, and then another one, and then another one and now here we are. i love all the pieces that i’ve done for it actually. my favourite thing is that they’re all not direct translations of the original art. there are some aspects that i’ve taken and adapted while also putting my own flair into it. i love the reverse colour scheme with klimt’s kiss and my own rendition of it. the gold being the accent highlight in a field of murky brown/black whereas klimt has the black squares present to emphasis the richness of the gold and yellows. i also like the little thing i did where i put the geometric shapes outside of the subject instead of inside (what he did). i put on the tags that i didnt like how it turned out but i actually like it lol i just didn’t like how long it took me i get too impatient with my art i think. anyway. i love this whole series sm i think all the pieces have their own character, and tbh i always get nervous adding another piece into this just because all the ones that i’ve done has been so well received i don’t want to be a disappointment lool. regardless, i love classical art and i love jb and i love being able to put the two together hehe we love to be self indulgent

3. la belle fleur sauvage commission.

aka THIS commission that was based from SD’s fic, la belle fleur sauvage. some behind the scenes with that one--that one took me SO long to do, like it was taking longer than i had wanted and i felt very bad and i am forever thankful for sd’s patience 😭😭😭. i really can’t be too mad though since i was working on the third year of my degree, but i still would’ve wanted to finish it sooner than i did. but as for the art itself---i actually love it lol. i always say to zoom in on my stuff to see all the details but i WISH folks would zoom in on that because it’s so big and so intricate. i love how everything turned out; i love how rich the colours are, i love the composition for all three panels, i love how the SKY looked like actually that’s the first time i sat down and painted clouds with that technique and i am so happy and pleased with how it looked im using it for everything LOL, i love jaime’s outfit in the 2nd panel---i actually designed a whole outfit for that and he DOES have his pouches and daggers, etc. stuff that he would have with him if he was a mercenary, but because of the cropping, those details were taken out but it’s THERE. i love the colours and the shading on the 3rd panel. it looks so soft and romantic and it’s everything 😭😭. honestly i didnt know if i was able to finish whole three panels just because of how big the project seemed, but tbqh this piece really pushed me as an artist and im really happy that i had the chance to work on it (-’:

4. early morning.

this one is a more recent piece and i was thinking post canon jaime/brienne married and either living in casterly rock or evenfall hall. originally the sheets were gonna be red with the gold brocade but i just made it green to make their location more ambiguous. they’re in a castle because of the finery, but which castle i have no idea. anyway i love their faces here in particular--jaime because it’s not often that i draw him old (this is the second time i drew old jaime i think?) and i love how he turned out here. i love how he looks like a silver fox and a dilf and we really do love that for brienne. full disclosure, i have no idea how to draw older folks since i don’t have a lot of practice in that area so im glad my lack of experience doesn’t show lmao. i also love how soft brienne looks here! the little smile on her lips is very sweet, her body language and how relax she seems is very telling abt her confidence in this scene also i think i drew her hands hella well haha. all in all i think it’s a really sweet art! and the full version is not so bad either jaime’s ass was referenced from marble sculptures so you know im aiming for Quality. but i love this headcanon of a younger brienne tiring jaime out, i’ve read a handful fics about it and im happy i can do my own version of it hehe

5. unravel.

wow we love domesticity. someone said that if you compile all my ns*w art of them together it’s like they haven’t left their bed ever since they got together and you know what? love that for them it’s what they deserve. anyway i chose this one because of how sensual and simple it is. their body language really does all the talking ; jaime’s hand pulling on the ties on her shift, her hand on his hair, how soft and lazy their kiss looks--it’s enough to tell the story me thinks! i just love how simple this whole thing is but it’s very effective. there’s really not much to it besides what you see but that’s really enough.

i am actually very proud of myself with how productive i’ve been. it’s really not often that i get as much drive and energy to post so much art. iirc my art tag is nearly 200 content already (i think it’s 180 ish rn?) and honestly that’s a LOT if you told me ill be making more than 100+ content for jb i would’ve been like nah im too lazy for that lmao. but im really proud of myself this year! i think i pushed myself as an artist and i’ve familiarized myself more with my strengths as well as my weaknesses. i have a clear idea on the areas that i need to work on, and i’ve really gotten more comfortable with being happy with my own pieces and i’m trying not to put myself down more if something doesn’t go the way i want it to. also, i’ve had the opportunity to work with more people this year--so for the people who has commissioned me or IS commissioning me rn--- thank you so much for trusting me with your visions 😭😭 ive never expected to get this kind of reception with my art but i am very grateful for all of it.

anyway as for the tagging i tag -- @na-bruma-leve / @dreadwulf / @dilfjaime / @fawnilu BUT i would highly recommend you to come along and snatch this tag meme up like a little raccoon because we all should start being proud of our own works imo !!

#long post /#this whole ass essay is me gushing about myself how gemini can i be

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osamuniichann · 5 years ago

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Map of the Soul: 7

After a ~315 day drought without new music and a comeback from the legends, we are finally back with MOTS: 7! It been a hot minute since ive done a album review (solely for myself LMAO) so lets get back into it bc this album is a home run

Interlude: Shadow. Here we have the extended version of the interlude. can i just say that the lyrics to this masterpiece are so real and true. its not suga speaking nor is it agust d, this is min yoongi speaking of his internal conflict with the celebrity life, which is heartbreaking. on another note, the visuals of the mv are stunning and the ending--dont u just wanna go apeshit??? truly a great addition to the album!

Black Swan. sister black swan has been with us for a month-ish now? it still bumps. HARD. i blasted this to and from my drive to work to the point where i was scared if id get sick of the song but that didnt happen. the way how its hard to pinpoint when and where a member would sing/rap because they INTENTIONALLY wanted the voices to blend as if they were one body. this is the group’s narrative on how no matter how passionate one is on a certain craft, when they lose that drive, its like a death. and it is up to themselves to spark that love and interest once again. a very relatable story across various media, talents, skills, etc.

Filter. When I first heard that this was a jimin solo showcasing the many sides of Jimin, i thought that it was going to be a sad ballad to kind of follow the theme mots: 7 seemed to give off; thought that it would talk about how he has to force personas onto himself to appeal to the masses, but it is the complete opposite. Jimin is all the faces he puts on, he can be cute, sweet, and caring Jimin but he is also a sexy, flirty young man that can attract any living being. how he switches from falsettos to a lower register voice is beyond me, what a versatile one he is! <3

My Time. Moving onto jungkook’s solo, I knew the lyrics were going to be sad especially when it seems to compare himself to others his age. How he speaks about how fast time runs for him, how his childhood and current life is not of the average 22 year old (LIKE UM HERE I AM, SAME AGE AS JUNGKOOK AND IM NORMAL AF while he’s out here breaking records?? WOW). but the life of jungoo can be a bit overwhelming, completely understandable. I just want our boi JK to know that he can be himself and live freely despite such different circumstances. On another note, the groove of this track is so GOOD. it reminds me of Ari and ugh i LIVE for this jam

Louder Than Bombs. When the track started, I could totally tell Troye Sivan helped produce it, it has such a unique sound that only Troye would use. It sounds like this song would totally be on a movie soundtrack IDK WHY. like, i can picture it during an apocalypse movie sldkjg im not completely sure what the meaning is to the song (bc im big stupid) but i feel like its a track saying that no matter the struggles, they will continue to sing confidently, strongly, and wholly to us endlessly. beautiful, just beautiful.

ON. Moving on to the title track of MOTS: 7! I’m very picky about strong anthem-type songs but ON is actually p addicting HAHA There’s a background sound that repeats in the back that sounds like Sans from Undertale, aint that wild LMAO but anyways, the Manifesto Film was crazy good. The drums, the band, the breakdown of it all? UNBELIEVABLE. Also, JK’s vocals during the bridge? H O W. That breakdown tho...oof, that was amazing. They still dance with the thirst that rookie bts would and i think thats why ppl are so drawn to them no matter how many years pass. Fun fact: the choreographer of ON as well as Dionysus actually is from my city in Hawaii and we went to the same high school THATS WILD. the talent she holds!

UGH! Rap line ATE this shit, are we KIDDING. An ode to all the hate comments that we receive, u can see how fed up they are. They made POINTS and we all agree, its the damn law. The way how they opened up with a gunshot, we knew it was coming. Everyone joked about how we bout to hear some gunshots on this album, well they threw ALL of it on this track. Can i just say that Hobi’s verse tho? it hits different, it really do. When they went “ahem, ahem. ahem, ahem-ahem, YOUR AHEM. AHEM-AHEM--” OOOOOUGH i felt that shit!! god, imagine this in concert...the building aint ready!

0:00 (Zero O’ clock). Now we have the vocal line track, we knew they were bout to present some vocals. Great sound, slow and reflecting. Not the first track I’d listen to but it is a great listen. The lyrics tho get to me. The way how they comfort us and say that life can be rough but you can be happy. no matter what happens, with the turning of the clock to 0:00, its a brand new day and we can make the day better. what a powerful message that all of us need to hear once in a while. we will be happy guys, we deserve to be.

Inner Child. Tae’s solo which is a message to his young self. I expected a slow ballad filled with his warm vocals reminiscent of Winter Bear, 4 o’ clock, and Scenery but boi was I wrong. He has this sunset glow voice that wraps u so warmly and the sound is just so happy, pure, and innocent. Its a hopeful message to his younger self on how we will change and be the amazing person we want to or will be. I was sobbing at this song, I tell u. It was 2:00 am in the morning and I was sobbing into my pillow. Imagine comforting your past self that everything will be okay and to take ur hand, it will be all worth it in the end. When he sang “ur my boy, my boy, my boy, my boy!” Ugh...the tears!

Friends. When I heard this was a vmin duet expressing their friendship with each other, I knew it was going to be so emotional! I didn’t expect such a fun, poppy sound tho. They truly are soulmates, the love they have for each other is so wholesome and real, it truly exhibits the love I have for my friends--they’ve been with me through thick and thin, during happy and sad times; the amounts of serotonin they give me is just HHHH. The way how Tae and Jimin have been friends since high school until now is just ugh...we love it. Towards the end when they started singing “you are my soulmate!” towards each other, i started sobbing so hard because WOW. the shivers i felt, this song made me so happy and full!

Moon. Next we have Jin’s solo which is an ode to us army’s. And on another perspective, this is a song from the moon (jin) to the Earth (army)--i have tears in my eyes. The lyrics especially got me in a chokehold and made me sob, the way how he says that he will always be by our side no matter what, the same way how we are there for him...god. The chorus really gets to me, it feels so happy and thankful and I just want to tell Jin that I will forever follow him and the boys. They’ve been with me for years now and I will continue to support, love, and listen to them. Ily to the moon and back, our moon.

Respect. I didn’t expect a Namgi duet but HERE WE ARE. Goddd when i heard that i was SO EXCITE. They’ve known each other for +10 years now and they never miss the chance to tell everyone that they’ve been friends for that long. Not @ how they disliked each other at first but grew to be so mf close, to the point where their family. Ughhh, im so uwu rn. Im so happy, so so happy that Nams started it with AYO SUGA; i SCREAMED. Also, i heard that they recorded it in one take and i could see how much fun they had--especially considering that their rap styles are completely different. Even tho in the song they joke about not knowing what the word Respect means, we know...we just KNOW the high amounts of respect they have for each other. As they mentioned before, Yoon’s respects towards Nams’ leadership and care towards everyone and Nams’ respect towards Yoon’s love and passion for music and producing. Peak comedy is Yoongs overloading on autotune during his parts to the point where its intentional. Bless Namgi.

We are Bulletproof: The Eternal. I felt like a CLOWN when this track started. Like everyone, i thought we were going to have a third installment similar to that of the strong, hip-hop, gunshot-filled part 1 and 2 of we are bulletproof, but we were met with soft vocals and rap. The lyrics tho get to me. This truly was a song about their entire journey and i felt like I experienced all years with them. They’ve been through so much and the way how they sang “we are we are together/forever bulletproof!” They are proud of where they came from and it has stuck with them till now. They are such real people...i cry. ALSO the “We were only seven, but we have you all now.” Whenever i see pictures of their debut fanmeets/concerts vs now its just crazy. imagine singing as an entire being during concerts when they start “OOOOH OH OHH” im so immensely proud of the feats they’ve reached and im excited on what they do next! <3

Outro: Ego. The way how he started it with the fitness gram pacer test just like in previous albums, ugh what a throwback! this song is such a Hobi track, its fun, dance-inducing and its just so FEEL GOOD. the way how he switches flows and is capable of doing so is *chef’s kiss* the way how he speaks about the path he takes is difficult but he doesnt regret it...SOBS also the mv??? UGH SO CUTE. the flashbacks too;; i cry

ON (feat. Sia). With this track, there’s not much extra I can say, all my opinions still stand with the original track wit ot7. I jokingly told my friend that if Sia is gonna be on the track “hey nanana’ing” the same why Halsey was only “oh my my my’ing” i will ctfu. and...welp, that was what happened. I do love Sia tho so props to her!

Overall: I initially thought that MOTS: 7 was going to be a dark, ballad-filled album but it was anything but. It had so much fun songs, the lyrics are again, so deep and meaningful--it pulls at your heartstrings. It felt so raw, personal, emotional, and i love it in all its being. The boys will continue to amaze me no matter what they put out and i forever and endlessly will support and love them the same way they do for us. MOTS: 7 is a masterpiece and im in love

#trish speaks #map of the soul #7 #seven #mots #mots 7 #map of the soul 7 #bts #i do this as a tradition at this point from...maybe WINGS album #so idc if its just me rambling and being mf cringey i just needed a place to rant about good music and cool ppl lol #yall can ignore this dis just a thing for me to let out my emotions lmao #anyway imma go back to drawing haikyuu pretty setters

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unproduciblesmackdown · 5 years ago

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you said random number so.. gimme 5, 17, 24, 26, 38, and 43

#epic thank you!!!! sorry this is so long, gang, but you know me. press J if you have that keyboard shortcut option

5)favorite fics?

soph nothingunrealistic’s!! click the link & peruse any of the dozen gifts to this world on ao3. also just go right to her writing tag

17)a fandom you wish more people were in/you had more people to talk to about?

well i don’t Really have an answer for this one, but just yesterday it was once again time to talk abt how jaclyn moriarty’s 4-book ashbury/brookfield YA series is a lot of fun and unusual in good ways, but like, i guess what with being published throughout the aughts and like, not being super obscure but also not being explosively popular, and idk maybe they were also more Known in australia than the US, and, idk, but there’s not exactly what you’d call a Fandom online, or even very many traces of one. and i just like to mention the series as Fun To Read because they are very lively and focus on girls and have a real variety of Girl Characters (and also some boy characters who are also varied and fun but that’s just a bonus) and in particular i like to talk about how the third book has a really Unusual Choice Of Protagonist (the unfun unpopular Best Grades by-the-book overachiever etc etc etc nerd girl, kinda having the personality that ppl misinterpret alana beck’s personality to be lol, like something of a killjoy goody-two-shoes lol, but also with that earnestness and drivenness that alana has as well)......and the format of each book is Epistolary, but in different and creative ways each time, and it’s fun how like, the characters who are telling the story (the ones whose letters are used and etc) rotate with each book [tho emily and lydia are Storytellers in the 2nd And 4th books] and it’s very neat how like, you do get that sense that just b/c someone’s not being Focused On as much from different people’s perspectives doesn’t mean they aren’t still existing and present and doing stuff and having their own story, even when that’s not being mentioned by whoever’s writing down the events that we’re reading. we love that sentiment. anyways i just like to always Promote them.

24)who are you at the end of this decade?

hmmm!! i mean in many ways i am who i have been the whole time but yknow, 2009 - 2019 was a tumultuous period. i was always furiously trying to think through Who Am I As A Person for various reasons, even though like, when you’re in ur mid-teens that’s always In Progress rather than there being a really set answer to be discovered, and for a while it was a lot of frustration with myself all “why are you like [this], why can’t you do [that] right,” etc etc. but eventually i had like, a better frame of reference for a lot of what was going on, and even why i never quite felt like i had a great sense of Who I Am and What I Like and etc in the first place, and more understanding and respect for myself lol. even now it’s like, yknow i’m ~self-consious~ in ways often lol and i’ll sometimes Use that to be like, okay try to improve [this thing] about yourself!! and yknow on the one hand i feel like stuff i’ve been Working On for years Has paid off in ways, but then recently it’s like......okay hang on but like, it’s not a bad thing to like, have some traits that maybe aren’t gonna be seen as “perfect” or might be annoying or yknow, your Demeanor and Vibe isn’t always like, the most important thing to focus on lol or something where like, oh being sweet & saintly & coming across as utterly pleasant to everyone always gets to be The Objective Ideal. like, i’m opinionated and can be argumentative and sometimes impatient?? like, there’s a balance here between “good to be trying to Improve Yourself always or whatever lol” and “but also everyone is People with Traits and Different Personalities and everyone doesn’t have to just sand themselves down into an edgeless smooth sphere” and like, sure it’s like “haha i’m a bit more temperamental than i’d like still” but also i sure sympathize w/ the fact that like, oof, depression makes it tricky sometimes! and i do pretty okay at like, being Aware of when my mood is cursed and trying to be as chill about it as poss! or like, “haha wish i was better at conversation lmao” but yknow also understanding that like.....i’m just kinda Not great at it and that’s what’s Natural for me and like, again, a balance between “trying to be easier to talk to, lol” and “being okay with the fact that i’m not super easy to talk to and most ppl aren’t very easy for me to talk to either, lol”

im trying to be a bit less cagey lol which i guess might not be the first word someone might use to describe me for a variety of reasons, But......and but then also, i just like, for me there is no simple Be Yourself, Just Talk Naturally As U Would conversation mode lol, but you know. it’s hardly a pressing issue, and at the same time, like, sometimes when i find it hard to talk to people it’s like “well this is just you needing to Be Nicer” or whatever, or like, well you’re just not used talking to Anyone so like, push through it, and then it takes me a while to realize like, well no you just don’t love talking to them, lmao......and at the same time i’m Really slow to realize when people *do* actually enjoy talking to me, lmao, i am just not used to it And used to people like, not really being super interested in interacting with me even if they think i’m alright lol. lord! so i’m still slightly surprised whenever Anyone likes me, but also like, then again there’s sort of always these repeated scenarios where it’s like [Glum Trombone Noise] i’m also the recipient of various ppl’s various contempt for various reasons........which like, i sure don’t Absorb that as like “way 2 go, you deserve that” but also like, sure also never is the most fun experience of your life. but i have a way more solid sense of the fact that like, i don’t inherently deserve that, and an understanding of Why people will be Like That sometimes, and that’s all been acquired knowledge from the whole journey of this decade lol

also like, i have always been and continue to be like, Basically A Cat lol.....cats-sonas for everyone, ___ the ___ cat, But Seriously Folks........like, oh, there’s a lot of ppl and/or noise around?? unless i have chosen to put myself in that situation for fun, i’m probably gonna be finding whatever quiet / distant corner to hide out in and try to remain as undetected as possible.......kinda wary about interacting with people sometimes, though then also, i like to be friendly w/ strangers (if they’re friendly with me) and won’t necessarily mind spontaneous interactions but only if it’s Plausibly Expected in the situation, and even then, i might just prefer that Nobody Talk To Me......and i’ve yet to be Really comfortable in a group of ppl if i’m there *with* that group lmao, like, i don’t like to take the lead or compete for attention or anything and just kinda will try to do my own thing on the outskirts, whereas if i’m by myself it’s just like, i feel a lot more comfortable and like i can just do whatever lmao..........and also i don’t like to make noise lol. unless again, it’s deliberate, and it’s Fun. like at a concert? i will be the death of whatever nerd like, wants it to be like a solemn “listening to a record” occasion or wants everyone to yell out complete sentences if a performer asks an Arena full of people How Are You Doing 2nite or whatever. i’m gonna yell!!! anyways. idk. i am always like “oh i am Very Much [this way], except for all the times i am totally [the would-be Opposite way]”........i can’t really opt out of having Anxious Qualities and that’s alright, even though it does get in the way of things sometimes for sure. like, c’est la vie!!! i understand why i am like this, and that like, while for my own sake i can try to hold my own hand here and encourage myself to be a little bolder, it’s totally fine that like, i have Problems and Difficulties.

i’m also at like, maybe the lowest levels of Impending Dread that i’ve had since i was like, 8 or some shit lmao............like again kind of a Wild Decade and one where like, it was totally all like “wow am i even gonna make it to [a few yrs in the future] -> [a year in the future] -> [half a year from now]” aaand it hasn’t been a full year yet since i was last thinking like “lmfao oof i might not be alive by __, who knows!!” but even while that was going on it was at least an improvement from the times i thought i might like, hmm hope i don’t off myself. and like, this is probably the first Start Of A Year in like. well possibly the past decade lmao, where yknow, it hasn’t felt quite as dire. i mean im not really out here a cockeyed optimist about anything, and like, i’m aware that things are always a little tenuous and there’s other factors i’m always nervous about, but That’s nothing new, and i’m kinda more like, neutral about the future rn lol? feeling less Dread and Doom is new-ish lmao and like, allowing that yknow, despite how crappy the past decade has been re: how i felt in my Outlook, there’s been a bunch of surprising Good Things to come along, and i totally allow for the fact that that could easily continue to happen. having Less(ened) Bad Feelings about Things might not = Absolutely Thriving but i appreciate it!! i also try to be appreciative lmao. like, what with the dread and doom & (hope i don’t die this year, i guess,) feelings, it’s wildly hard nowadays for me to like, anticipate stuff in a ~fun~ way or at all, but yknow when anything nice, even a really small / unspectacular / ordinary moment and/or detail, is being experienced by me, i try to enjoy that. i like to be Appreciative. and i think i’m also sort of like, sharing more of myself than i’ve probably gotten to or felt capable of doing in the past, and i appreciate that a lot too. like, it can be really Depressing for sure to think of like, hmm i haven’t had the chance to like, feel in control of things and like things are Totally Fine and i feel Totally Okay & like i’m enjoying everything, and i can choose to pursue [things i might enjoy], and maybe i Won’t have that chance? [another glum trombone noise] but like. i appreciate the good experiences that i Do and Have gotten so far. and the fact i’ve ever been in situations to connect with people and enjoy things the ways that i can and like, it’s really nice that My Presence in other ppl’s lives, even as just like Some Online Rando re: some ppl lmao, has had some positive effect for them or even just been enjoyed is like, wow, this is pretty great lol.........not sure where i was taking this tangent but like, i am someone who appreciates this a lot.

hmm i am also a passionate person at the end of this decade lmao!!!! that has definitely always been true. i am Of That Temperament. it is funny b/c like, the fact that i am A Motormouth Actually But Often Not Saying Anything In The Least To People, they think i’m like, of this very mild disposition and Not someone with strong opinions that they will launch into, or else i would have been doing that already........but you know!!! here i am online, fully able to just dive into things and start talking about whatever for one million years. and i sure latch onto stuff in a Big Way sometimes, which is why anyone follows me at all lol, b/c if you like [whatever particular content] and i am just all about that too, it’s a beneficial situation for us both i guess lmao. i can get really excited and focused about stuff, obviously, and i sure Also Obviously like to explore the emotional aspects of things. which is a vague thing to say lmfao but you all know what i mean!!! it continues to be the only reason i draw lmaooo like i draw so much and like, Making Fanart And Sharing It Online has i think also been a journey of this decade for me, and i really only draw a) exactly that fanart that i feel like making, and b) what i feel like making is always also probably abt Feelings somehow, like the Three Emotions: kissing (aka gay), crying (sad), and angry (angry)........great news if you want to see the stuff i already happen to be drawing lol!!! bad news i guess if you were hoping i’d draw anything but whatever i end up wanting to draw. i cannot be diverted. and i don’t even draw for its own sake lol like, i’ve always doodled for fun and all that, but like, ive never been a “wow i want to make my own __ someday” or whatever, and if i’m trying to draw something which is anything other than [the exact thing i might feel like drawing] it is Such a chore that like, i just don’t do it except for like, total Exceptions. except exceptions lol. don’t ask!! anyways why did i get on that drawing tangent there........yeah it’s definitely lucky that i’ve been giving myself that Drawing Experience so that i can connect w/ ppl that way, cuz i’m godawful at like, necessarily providing other stuff lol Or at being the one to Make Connections Happen otherwise......and also of course sometimes it is easier to convey/communicate something via drawing. woohoo!!

anyways yeah i’m a bit excitable lol and i sure guess i’ve got that Chaotique energy at times, for better or worse lol........like sometimes my Contribution can be like, just an absolute wild card thrown into the pile, or just like, maybe adding some Boost to a situation that other people can run with if they so choose. just throw things out there sometimes and enjoy when other ppl find that fun lmao

what else is there about me??? lol.......oh yeah i’m always sort of an Office Goofaround (not actually in an office ever, though). like, when ppl Don’t have that sense of Collaborative Humor where like, if someone does something a bit silly u just roll with that bit, or if god forbid they have Exhausting Cishet Guy humor where they think everything is about Dry, “Intelligent” Sarcasm and that being “funny” is about making yourself look like the coolest or cleverest person there who Wins the Center Of Attention spot?? it’s like, eff that, where are my Get Silly gang. also puns are funny but also only b/c they are silly. you have to really lean into it lol.

well anyways!!!! and when i am asked to talk about myself i can be very extensive and yet not necessarily cover everything. here we are

26)favorite look you had?

my look hasn’t changed too much! Tees n Jeans (or shorts? or jorts? lol) are pretty much my thing altho you Know i have at times added in A Layer, or even accessories.......as always, part of the first few years of the decade for me was the whole “aha, yeah okay i’m trans” process, but before that i wasn’t ever really trying to be more “””””””””fashionable”””””””””” than the tees n jeans type of look anyway lmao, and even nowadays like, i have some Wardrobe Items that like, ppl might consider ”androgynous” or whatever when cis dudes wear them, like leggings or a v-neck sweater........really some of the only significant Changes was getting binder/s eventually (by 2012?? ugh idk) and also like, by 2011 i cut my hair relatively short, and from there on i just like, every year went “ugh god i need it to be shorter” and even now i’m like, hmm, do i want it shorter or is this fine?? but also i’m somewhat limited styling-wise b/c i just continually cut it myself in a bathroom mirror, true chaotic. and! i’ve been like, god i wish i had a baseball cap that’s just like, solid [my fave blue] or yknow, black or something, or idk. one that i like. and also someday it would be nice to like, not only have an updated prescription of lenses but also Multiple Glasses Frames to choose from, even though my current ones are alright still lol.......this is me just talking abt my past looks and how i’d like to potentially update my look lmao i did Not answer the question but, as usual, i also don’t have a great direct answer lol

38)a prediction you had for this decade that came true?

lol this was not a decade where i was ever looking ahead to 2020 and making any assumptions about this Block Of Time as a whole.......i mean like, i was Really starting to suspect byyyy 2012 for sure that like, i could not like, be able to exist And have my parents be in my life at all lol and by 2013 it was just like. increasing confirmation of that. and i last saw / spoke to them prior to me just effing out of there at the end of 2015. snaps for me

43)an important relationship (of any kind) you had?

well a couple i appreciated that might not be obvious were pretty brief and fairly impersonal lol. so in 2015 i had this Nightmare Job for five whole months which was obviously miserable in most ways, but there was this other guy who wasn’t even a Coworker, we just had the same job and had similar routes of Stores to go to, so we would run into each other a lot of mornings, and he would talk to me and i’d talk to him and he was totally good-humored about everything and that was helpful lmao b/c it’s great to have Someone you enjoy seeing. i also struck up a rapport with a baked-goods stocker at one particular store, and that could be an enjoyable 14 seconds. it was a godawful job lmao and like, Any pleasantness at all / decent treatment from other people was very helpful

also at this other job the next year which was a lot less hellish, there was this customer lady who like, i can’t remember at what point she started talking to me but yknow it got to be that if we’d run into each other she’d kind of update me on her life. and she would be like “sorry i’m talking to you, a stranger, about all this stuff all the time, but my life is a mess and i don’t really have anyone to talk to” and i would be like, lmfao mood, do not even worry about it, and yknow this was someone i only ran into usually once every few weeks at my job, and could only listen to for however long, but she was Going Tf Through It all the time and as much as i am a chatterbox who will go on for a century about myself b/c i can’t be concise abt anything ever, i’m also decent at being in Listening Mode lmao or yknow, i was like No Truly i don’t mind you venting, and also yknow, i’m like well i know how much it sucks to have Nobody to talk to about Big Problems. and i am this random restaurant worker and if i’m one of the only people this lady can talk to, you can bet i’m going to listen lol.......and she was really goin through it all One Thing After Another and yknow i’d catch her two weeks later and she’d be all like, well [this situation] has gotten worse, or This One Problem is over but now New Problem has replaced it, etc, and a whole issue that i got updated on was like lol. she had this boyfriend who she’d kinda mention early on when she was talking abt trying to find a job, or losing a new-but-terrible job and once again being back in that Job Hunt Stress, and idk like. i just sort of have decent Relationship Instincts lmfao of like “hmm this doesn’t sound great” but like, a month or two later she’s straightup Married to this dude, and i’m like oh congrats :) and then when a month or two after That she’s talking about how like, she’s maybe having Job Probs again and her now-husband is really giving her shit for like, not having found a new one yet, i’m like internally all [ :)))))) Not Surprised :))))))) ] but i’m like. yknow you Sympathize n Validate but if you just up and tell someone who’s being treated real bad like “you are being treated terribly, this person is acting terribly” then they might just want to defend them like oh it’s not That bad, or minimize it, and blame themselves for making their terrible partner “look bad”.......and by extension when she once was in our restaurant With said husband and introduced us i was like, just getting further confirmation abt this dude’s shittiness from his Immediate Vibe lmao like....whenever i feel uncomfortable enough in someone’s presence in a [not just universal level of Anxiety] way, it’s like, that instinct is pretty reliable & accurate lol.....but i had to pretend Not to hate him or act too standoffish towards him lmao cuz like!!! i figured i could “get away with it” but yknow, this lady had already said how isolated she was and the husband sure seemed Controlling and like, yknow, if you act like you don’t Like the shitty partner or said shitty partner catches wind of you maybe telling this person that “hey your partner is being shitty” then it’s all, them telling their partner “don’t go around that person who is so obviously Against me >:(” and like. yknow i figured as Random Restaurant Employee this dude wasn’t about to be super on guard about me but i still was not wanting to risk it but luckily i only met him the one time and only had to casually pretend i didn’t think he was shit that one time. and anyhow! soon enough the lady is talking to me about how she thinks getting married to him was a mistake but like, again, she was real isolated and didnt have family or friends or ppl in the area to talk to, and like, yknow she would be pretty sure her husband was cheating on her but of course He was the one all like, wanting to be controlling and invade her privacy and accuse Her of cheating on him, and i’m like, internally screaming but again yknow, i’m just letting her vent to Anyone (me) and sympathizing. and iirc her talking about her “uh oh my husband sucks” was like, i had come back from this delivery so we were in the parking lot lol and she was so upset about all of it and like, “sorry i’m just this random person talking to you for twenty minutes in a parking lot and crying lol” and i’m like. i mean yknow if the only person you can vent to about this terrible situation is me, this random person in a parking lot, absolutely i am glad to do it, even though i would’ve done it anyways lol...........and i was so mad at our General Manager this one time lmao b/c. yknow it’s a couple weeks later and wouldn’t you know it, The Lady is really stressed b/c her husband was yelling at her and broke a window in their apartment, and the Cost Of Repairs added to their monthly rent meant they might not be able to make that rent, and she was in that crappy situation that gets pulled on Tenants Who Probably Don’t Have Much Money, where you’re supposed to get 5 Days Notice or whatever when they’re like “get out b/c your rent is overdue” but you get that Notice on like, friday afternoon when your Last Day is supposed to be the following monday, and nobody is at the office all weekend, so obviously that’s not five days and it’s really only One Day and that Last Day that you’d even have a chance to talk to anyone, which is also a monday when you’d probably have work, and yknow, good luck finding help over the weekend, when probably ppl will just want to spend that time rushing to just pack their shit up and leave anyways.....ANYHOW it’s just some particular heinous bullshit and it was like, the saturday after it had happened to her, and i sympathized entirely b/c that had happened to me and i now lived in my car but i figured i wouldn’t bring that up lmfao.......and anyways i was sitting down with her to listen to her b/c it’s an Insanely Stressful Situation and again like, whenever she’d show up i’d let her talk to me abt her Problems for however long she felt like. and anyways of course eventually the one By-The-Books manager gives me shit all like “what are you doing daring to Sit Down and Not be doing restaurantly actions, ugh” and i’m like. i mean, unsurprising lecture to get lol, of course, but i was just so impatient like. well this person was having a crisis so i prioritized that above keeping the coffee stirrers fully stocked at all times, bite me. ENNYHOW and i didn’t see her for a minute after that and i Was a bit worried b/c like. of course i had every reason to be and she was just always looking so completely exhausted but then like, actually the last time i saw her she was actually more upbeat than ever b/c like! turns out that during an argument her husband had assaulted her and had been arrested. which is of course like. i was like oh i am completely sorry about that trauma but congratulations at this person being separated from you!!! and like, i wish i could have kept up with her beyond that, but i couldn’t, but like, that was the first Improvement in her life that i’d heard since i met her, and it was a way better last-thing-to-hear-from-her than her stressing out abt eviction thanks to her abusive husband breaking shit. and like, weird relationship lmao but!! idk i did feel lucky that i could be The One Person This Lady Gets To Talk With b/c like, god forbid she have absolutely nobody to talk to about this shit or treat her with any sympathy, even if it was just me, the rando she only got to see on occasion. and i hope she’s doing okay still! wish i knew for sure of course, but i’m glad i at least got to be there for her in a tiny way for a period of time and did eventually like, Know that she both knew that this was a bad person to be with, and got that Reason to be separated from him.

#imsocatastrophic

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grantwilson · 5 years ago

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multiples of 5 for question thing

god bless you. putting this under a cut bc it got long

5. What is your favorite color?purple! specifically lilac

10. What shoe size are you?9-ish

15. Favorite song?the answer to this changes every single time i am asked but rn i’m going to say bob dylan by fall out boy

20. Are you religious?yeah. i was raised christian and while i don’t go to church anymore, i still believe in God

25. What color socks are you wearing?i’m not wearing socks rn

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?usually 2 but im such a restless sleeper that sometimes they end up on the floor, plus i’ll use this big stuffed bear or blankets. i’m a mess

35. Have you ever tried archery?i have a vague memory of doing archery. it must’ve been in sixth grade camp. but i have never been an athletic person

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?i’ve had at least 2 crush anons, if that counts. but in the sense of like, writing a note and putting it in someone’s locker at school? no

45. What is your favorite accent?just answered!

50. Left or right handed?right

55. Most used phrase?this is a hard one. i’m really not sure. i say both “omg i love this” and “god i hate this” a lot.

60. Do you talk to yourself?i have a constant internal monologue, of course, but i only really talk to myself out loud if i’m alone (in the car or when i’m home alone).

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?idk! the first dramatic movie that comes to mind is one of my favorite movies ever, les mis (2012), so we’ll go with that.

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?nope. i like swimming but the thought of going that deep freaks me out.

75. Have you ever started a rumor?no, i don’t see the point. plus lying makes me feel bad

80. How many piercings do you have?i got my ears pierced when i was younger but they closed up and i currently have none.

85. What color are your eyes?brown

90. What makes you angry?the thing that makes me angriest is injustice. like if i think about billionaires for too long i start to get legitimately heated.

95. What are your weaknesses?oh gosh. probably the biggest ones are like, my extremely low self esteem and lack of confidence lol.

100. Color of your room?blue and white

#thank u!!#Anonymous #ask tag

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notalk-justthought · 5 years ago

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all of them >:3c

ooooh boiiiii time for some gay-ish answers :luigidab:

how tall are you? -5′2

what is your body type? -uhhh idk

what is your favorite part about your body? -my hands,,, perfect for handholding,,,,

is your current hair color your natural hair color? -yeah

are you more outgoing or more shy? -shy i guess

are you more femme or butch? -neither

are you tol or smol? -smol

wine mom or vodka aunt? -hard cider cousin

weird habit? -i can’t think of one right now :I

favorite meme? -there are so many memes, i can’t choose lol

do you sing in the shower? -nah

ever used a bow and arrow? -once

are/were you a theatre kid? -kinda? i’ve taken theater classes, but i wasn’t a Theater Kid^TM

have you ever seen a broadway musical? -ye

do you think musicals are cheesy? -they can be

have you ever been a part of a protest or a march? -yeah

favorite Cards Against Humanity Card? -Bees?

last movie you watched? -Grave of the Fireflies

behind the camera or in front of it? -behind

favorite tv show? -i don’t watch enough shows to say a fav

meaning behind your url -i don’t talk much but boy do i think

reason you joined tumblr -i thought “why not?” and here I am, still here 6 years later

who’s your closest tumblr friend? -probs @one-for-all-plus-ultra

what’s something most people love that you hate? -something i’m sure, can’t think of it rn

have you ever taken narcotics? -nope

have you had sex? -no

have you ever gotten caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? -nothing really bad, just dumb on my part

worst/funniest lie you’ve ever told? -idk

describe your passion without mentioning it. -idk uhhh

describe your best friend. -successful, taller than me, gives great hugs, knows what she’s doing with her life

give us one thing about you that no one knows. -idk if i ever stole something or not cuz I was either really young, or it just happened in a dream, but I’ll never know

how do you feel right now? -im tired

what is your biggest fear? all my friends leaving me

what’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? -i cannot think of a song rn

what is the best decision you’ve made in your life so far? -idk if that’s happened yet haha

have you ever tried your hardest and then been disappointed in the end? -yea

something you fantasize about. -being in a healthy relationship :sadclown:

last time you cried and why -last week when I watched Grave of the Fireflies

what was the last thing that made you laugh? -some video on tumblr idk what it was

do you really, truly miss someone right now? -*yeah britney spears gif*

who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? -myself

the last time you felt broken? -probably earlier this year

are you starting to realize anything? -there’s so much going on and idk what i’m gonna do with my life

are you more dominant or more submissive? -idk

i’ll only date you if _____. (fill in the blank) -fuck dude idk my own dating standards

do you prefer to date people the same age as you, younger, or older? -older

describe the person you’re in love with/have a crush on in great detail. -n/a

do you have any kinks? -let’s not talk about it

first thing you notice in a person? -their humor

how can someone win your heart? -if you can cook good food,,, gotdam

been rejected by a crush? -ye

have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back? -oH YEAH ;-;

would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? -no, that’d be real awkward

is trust a big issue for you? -yeah

did you hang out with the person you like recently? -no

is confidence cute? -i guess

what would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? -good for them (if i liked someone)

would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? -no, gotta have similar a sense of humor

does the person you have feelings for right now know you do? -no, i don’t have a crush

ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? -probably

do you want to get married -maybe, maybe not

worst thing you’ve ever done? -i don’t wanna say

three things that turn you on. -idk lol

who do you hate? -no one

favorite term of endearment? -baby or love or my love

who was your celebrity/fictional gay awakening? -there are so many,,,, one was vanessa hudgens for celebs, Elizabeth Swan in pirate of the Caribbean

intimidating girls or kind girls? -kind with some intimidation

what do you look for in a possible partner? -good humor, good communication skills, can be silly and serious

do you tend to like more masculine, feminine, or androgynous girls? -androgynous

are you good at flirting? -haha nope

who was the first person you came out to? -daria

do you have any friends who are wlw? -yeah

is your crush wlw? -i dont have a crush

last person to make you reconsider your sexuality? -idk

write a short love poem to your crush/self? -i haven’t

do you fall in love easily? -sometimes

is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about? -yeah

are you good at hiding your feelings? -kind of?

are you a forgiving person? -yeah

what is your “type?” -i dont even know anymore

fall asleep in her arms or rub her back until she falls asleep in yours? -rub her back until she falls asleep in my arms

tall girls or short girls? -yeAH

hugs or kisses? -hugs

twirl her around or get twirled? -twirl her around

tummy kisses or thigh kisses? -thigh,,

hairline kisses or neck kisses? -neck

play with her hair or stroke her tummy? -play with her hair

making out or soft kisses? -soft,,, kis,,,

hugs around the neck or hugs around the waist? -i just like hugs okay

how confident are you in your sexuality? -sometimes

when you like someone do you blush or get butterflies in your stomach? -yeah,,,

have you ever liked a friend as more than a friend? did you tell them? -yeah,, but i didn’t tell them

how old were you when you realized you were into girls? -uhh fully, like 15

most embarrassing thing you’ve done in front of a cute girl? -something i’m sure lol

do you have a favorite lesbian ship? is it canon? -yumikuri back in my snk days.... was canon, but not good enough :sadclown:

what is the most aggravating thing someone has said to you about your sexuality? -no one’s told me anything bad to my face about my sexuality

when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter? -like early 2018

what is love to you? -i think it’s when you can be open with others and be there for them, and just be yourself around them.

#ask #one-for-all-plus-ultra

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bracebitez · 2 years ago

Text

probably long ass vent

im aware i should be telling this shit to a therapist ect but yea

so last few months have been fuckin weird, uhh realized a few weeks or month or so back that the substance abuse issues are actually likely binge addiction which is interesting, i have like diagnosed on my chard substance abuse disorder but always thought it was like a whatever thing ig but actually have realized its fucked me up alot and was seriously not good at all ect,

mainly because a while ago i went on a week where i was just out of my mind high like the entire time in a way of i dont even want to be high i just want this brain shit to fuck off, had alot of like probably genuine drug induce psychosis moment and alot of just weird stuff ig and majorly fucked with depersonalization, like i still have a super weird shaky and scary sense of self because of it, there were multiple times during that i genuinely did not know who i was where i was ect even tho entire time i was literal laying in bed praying i could sleep it off and itd stop, which rlly fucked me up and i kept getting high anyway and worsening it because i didnt wanna deal with it or see a point to doing so, which fucked with me

and then also like a few weeks ago or so i once again got high a few times which were really not good to the point of im not sure if it was flashbacks or like what but have a whole weird psychotic thing i still dk if it was real or not what i was experiencing or rembering type thing cuz it reallyy felt like multiple intense detailed flashbacks that aligned and made sense with so much of my life ect when i was little n explained a lot but also like i really dont think any of that stuff happened and was likely just tranfered thoughts images ect experinces ect from the othwr very real trauma i do know i have and also likely tied with like that and the constant nightmares about that stuff but also i really dont know, its very likely just drug induced shit tied inti past trauma on that subject coupled with the nightmares and intrusive thoughts about it,

so thats a whole thing, then like also just the intrusive thoughts are getting so bad that its like i stay in bed and dont wanna do or view or just anything that could trigger them or remind me of them because the second they happen my brain just latches on and force feeds me graphic detailed images and just plays it all out n its just really vile, and is so bad for so many reasons

also like my brain is fucked like cognitively atp from alotta stuff that its like i cldnt go back to being able to do the things or be the person i was because of it which is both good and bad i suppose

im just majorly struggling with alotta stuff and yea, i haven't had any motivation for work or to do anything really for like a few different reasons aswell, the panic and just overwhelming ness i have with just existing is so scary, part of its somwhat exatientialist ish ig but just theres so fucking much,

also best part of that is that the only thing that stops the thoughts and let's me be enjoyably social is drinking, like other people like me more when i do in a way that really isnt even deniable atp which is somthing ?? idk i really dont wanna drink or smoke of take anything anymore because i dont like what it does to me at all and i just really dont wanna but it almost feels like atp i have to just to be able to exist for other people and its fucking horrible

and this is just really only part of it and shit and theres soso much of it its yea,

i also wanna go to sleep rn but im too terrified of nightmares and dreams to be able to at all so i just don't know what to do anymore

#.winter #.vent

0 notes

angelixii · 6 years ago

Note

1-140 (anything you haven't answered already) - Felix

Oh, hello! Thanks for the ask!! 💕

3 fears - Spiders (I get frightened when I think about them) heights (slightly) and the public (anything like murder, kidnapped, ya know stupid people)

3 Things I love - Music, Idols, and animals

2 Turns on - ig Hats (like snapbacks) and glasses

2 Turns off - oof I don’t really know.. ig self absorbed or a fudge boy

My best friend - C: @straykids-sk (wuv you)

How tall am I - 5′2

What do I miss right now - My cat that passed away :c (her name was P.J)

Favourite color - Blue, red, and sometimes green

Do I have a crush - no not really

Favourite place - my home

What am I listening to right now - theres a website called asoftmurmur.com and it has noises like rain or waves and stuff like that

Shoe size - pretty sure 10 in US womens

Eye color - brown

Hair color - light-ish brown

Meaning behind my URL - I chose Felix cause hes my bias wrecker and hes angelic C:

Favourite song - Theres like a million but 5SOS’s She Looks So Perfect wil always be a favorite (idk why)

Favourite band - Ill just chose Stray Kids cause I don’t wanna write them all out

How I feel right now - kinda tired but ig ok

Someone I love - Ill say my best fren Georgia (@straykids-sk) cause i wuv her

My current relationship status - single and i kinda wanna stay that way for a while

My relationship with my parents - We all live in the same house and its just us (I have one other sister but she moved out. But shes here a lot tho) and we all get along well

Favorite season - probably Spring c:

Tattoos and piercing I have - none and I don’t really want any

Tattoos and piercing I want - ^^^

The reasons I joined Tumblr - Georgia wanted me to and I thought it would be fun (I was right c:)

Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? - no :/

Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? - oh heel no she my best fren I would never

How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? - when I have school like 20 minutes at max

Have you shaved your legs in the past three days? - I did today

Where am I right now? - at my house on my laptop c:

Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? - reasonable level cause I’ve always had ear problems and they are sensitive (even tho I always have my earbuds in)

Do I live with my Mom and Dad? - yup

Am I excited for anything? - not that I can think of no

Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? - nope :/

How often do I wear a fake smile? - not THAT often

If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? - oooof I don’t think I could answer that question

What do I think about most? - probably k-pop

Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? - Definitely behind

What was the last lie I told? - It was kinda a joke but “i’ll do it because im the good child”

Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? - Eh depends on who it is but facetiming/video chatting

Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? - ghosts kinda and aliens, I mean sure we’ve barely discovered space, who knows whats out there

Do I believe in magic? - sometimes yeah

Do I believe in luck? - I mean yeah

What’s the weather like right now?- theres nothing really going on

What was the last book I’ve read? - uhhhhhh fully on my own (not in class)? The Maze Runner Scorch Trials

Do I have any nicknames? - Kassadoodle, Kassidilla, Kassy

Do I spend money or save it? - I’m trying to save as much as I can rn in my little money jar c:

Can I touch my nose with a tounge? - nah

Favourite animal? - Lions and Fennec Foxes

What was I doing last night at 12 AM? - uhhh im pretty sure saying goodbye to Georgia on video chat

What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? - oo um I cant really think of one rn :/

What is my favorite word? - yeet

My top 5 blogs on tumblr (not in any order)

@honeylixs

@zoxsu

@tinyfigureskater

@stray-kids-dork

@straykidsmate

If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? - I probably wouldn’t say anything cause im shy and afraid people would judge me on what I say c:

Do I have any relatives in jail? -not that I know of

What is my current desktop picture? - a pic of Bts

Had sex? Bought condoms? Gotten pregnant? Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? Had job? Smoked weed? Smoked cigarettes? Drank alcohol?

no to ALL those questions C:

Am I a vegetarian/vegan? - nope don’t think I could ever

Been overweight? - …

Been underweight? - no.

Gotten my heart broken? - nah

Been to prom? - nope

Been in airplane? - nope and I never want to really

Learned another language? - I take required (cause im one of the more intelligent kids in school. I know shocker right?) Spanish classes in school but im on summer break so I dont remember any c:

Wore make up?- nope

Dyed my hair? - nope

Had a surgery? - plenty of ear surgery and had my tonsils removed

Met someone famous? - nope

Stalked someone on a social network? - nope

Been fishing? - no but my dad has always wanted to take me and it sounds kinda fun

Been rejected by a crush? - nope never really had one and if I did I would never have the guts

What do I want for birthday? - ooo idk but i have to wait till next year anyway cause its already passed

Do I like my handwriting? - sometimes when my hand cooperates

Where do I want to live when older? - with my girl Georgia

Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? - nope ima good child (yeah ok suuureee)

What I’m really bad at - running :/

What my greatest achievments are - managing to keep straight A’s and I dont even study cause im online so

The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me - “u bird cage” - Georgia c;

What I’d do if I won in a lottery - ooooooooof idk

What do I like about myself - uhhhhh heh ig my hair or eyes/eyelashes

My closest Tumblr friend - Georgia (yes I do know her irl but shes honestly the closet tumblr friend I have so)

Any question you’d like? - hmm idk

Are you outgoing or shy? - definitely shy, unless with people im close to then quite crazy

What kind of people are you attracted to? - funny, cute and nice people

Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? - hA no

Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? - kinda

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? - oof idk

What does the most recent text that you sent say? “ohhhh no XDD” (sent to Georgia)

What are your 5 favorite songs right now? - (I already answered this question and don’t wanna answer again)

Do you like it when people play with your hair? - yes I love when freinds at school did (once we were watching a movie in Spanish and my friend next to me was playing with my hair and I almost fell asleep heh)

Do you think there is life on other planets? - totally

Do you like bubble baths? - I haven’t had one in forever

Do you like your neighbors? - only one cause I think im related to them somehow or they are to like my uncle

Where would you like to travel? - out of this hell hole country c:

Favorite part of your daily routine? - checking my tumblr and stanning talent

What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? - stomach

What do you do when you wake up? - check my notifications on my phone

Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? - I wish it was more tan than it is (im quite pale)

Do you ever want to get married? - yeah

If your hair long enough for a pony tail? - yes but I hate pony tails so I never do it (I used to all the time as a kid)

Would you rather live without TV or music? - I rarely watch t.v anymore and listen to music almost all day so

Have you ever liked someone and never told them? - I mean yeah

What are your favorite stores to shop in? - I dont really have one for clothes but I do like Walmart

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? - I mean sometimes

Do you smile at strangers? - If the smile at me first yeah

Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? - not that I can remember no

Ever wished you were someone else? - no (as much as I hate myself no)

Favorite makeup brand? - son;t wear any so I dont got one

Last thing you ate? - a Reese cup

Ever won a competition? For what? - not a big one I can remeber no

Ever been in love? - c:

Facebook or Twitter? - dont have a fb and i barely use twitter anymore but twitter

Twitter or Tumblr? - DEFINITELy tumblr

Are you watching tv right now? - i mean its always on for bg noise and light so ig so

What color are your towels? - all kinds of colors

Favorite ice cream flavor? - either Strawberry with out the strawberries or cookie dough

First person you talked to today? - my mom

Last person you talked to today? - Georgia

Name a person you hate? - C: theres too many

Name a person you love? - once again, theres too many

Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? - C: theres too many

Do you tan a lot? - I barely go outside so thats a no

Have any pets? - too many

Do you type fast? - I mean kinda yeah

Do you regret anything from your past? - everything XD

Ever broken someone’s heart? - I highly doubt it

Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? - C:

Is cheating ever okay? - hell no

Do you believe in true love? - I mean sure

What your zodiac sign? - Pisces

Do you believe in ghosts? - why is this question on here twice?

Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? (via catscuddlingandyou) - “…but not at all overwhelming, the balance of the different fragrances was subtle and flawless.” Twilight - Breaking Dawn (Do NOt ask me why thats the closest book its not mine and ive never read it and i NEVER plan on it)

oof that took like two hours heh.. its now currently 2:18am. and im very tired

but thanks for the ask anyway love! Im sorry for the wait! I was busy today. But im probably going to go to bed now

#oof #anon ask #thanks for the ask love #love you anon #c:#this whole post looks like a mess I’m sorry

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elvesofnoldor · 4 years ago

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also this is such self-indulgent post and im basically talking to a wall rn but watching Over the Moon got me thinking about chang’e (嫦娥) hou yi (后羿)’s respective stories and i think i figured out my own preferred version that connected the both of their stories.

months ago i was looking up chinese wiki on the legend of hou yi shooting 9 suns out of the sky, and i saw a version that i hadn’t heard of before. in this version hou yi was actually sent from the heavens to tame the 10 suns (which were always children of the heavenly emperor), and because he has instead slain 9 out of the 10 suns in order to prevent the suns from scorching the earth when they appeared in the sky together, he angered the heavens and his immortality was taken away from him as a punishment. And idk i like that story a lot and i like, had a design in mind for hou yi and was going to draw a short comic-ish thing for this version of the story. There is many versions of chang’e’ story and why she has flown to the moon, and i didnt really like any one of them? in one of them she was faithless and selfish and greedy and took the pellets for herself so she alone could be immortal and i didnt like that. i like the one where she swallowed the pellets to prevent a thief from getting them while hou yi was away, but the appearance of the the thief sort of came out of nowhere and it is weird that there is multiple stories in regards to the origin of the pellets. Anyways, while i was watching i thought, hey what if after hou yi had his immortality taken away, he has found love with a mortal woman later known as chang’e and they planned to ascend to the heavens together so they can be together forever. maybe hou yi has managed to produce the pellets through (taoist) alchemy, and the heavens heard rumours of this, but would not have hou yi ascend again--let alone having him ascend with another mortal, so they sent someone to forcibly take the pellets away while he was away and the rest is history. When chang’e swallowed the pills, she was hoping that hou yi would later find another way to ascend--if he was from the heavens in the first place, surely he could find his way back to it? but hou yi never did, he never found his way to her and died mortal, and chang’e would grieve alone on the moon until all of the world is changed and the long years of her life are utterly spent.

and to think that hou yi is associated with the sun and chang’e is associated with the moon...humm.....idk what to make out of it but it sure is something

#my need to figure out a 'preferred version' of folklore has everything to do with being a tolkien fan #knowing 30 versions of tolkien lengedrium means i gotta choose a preferred version in order to stay sane lmao #but also im trying to figure out the mythos in my lil fantasy project. and yes i decided im not gonna make an Entirely New World #it's gonna be an imaginative time period. the way it was in most chinese fantasy #mae overshares

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rynhaswritersblock · 4 years ago

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giant teddy bears (hc) | p.p.

summary: first dates are awkward, peter sucks at dance dance revolution, and the night ends with a giant teddy bear and something sweet.

warnings: IM SORRY I THINK THIS ONE IS A BIT LESS CHAOTIC THAN THE OTHERS IM SORRY I KNOW THAT'S LIKE MY BRAND LOL BUT I JUST AAAAAAAAAAA

+ + +

- are you ready?

- i'm listening...

- no that was weak come on guys!

- i said ARE YOU READY?!

...

- i think we can do better than that

- i said ARE YOU READY?!!!!!

- YEAHYEAH!!!!!!

- i'm so sorry i just watched a gif of sebastian stan doing that thing where he gets super hype and then just starts laughing but i really harvested that hype energy

- pro tip: go back and read that first bit in seb's voice you Will Not Regret It

- after writing one normal imagine, i am back to writing another hc

- the next one will be normal though LOL

- guess what

- chicken butt

- jk IT'S TIME FOR THE ARCADE WITH Y/N AND PETER!!!!!

- HELLS YEAH

- y'all r never gonna guess what i'm doing

- i am listening to one direction WOW

- heart attack is an underrated song 😔

- you guys said the emojis in italics made you lose ur mind so

- they're staying

- fuck it slant 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀

- fun fact i got pretty far into writing this and then was like "Hmm... no yeah This Ain't It" and so we're back and we're switching up the prompt a little bit

- so YAY

- so peter's balls finally dropped or something idk and he got his bitch ass together and asked you out!!!!!!!

- yay peter!!

- he was super nervy while doing it y'all were just walking home from school as per usual and this is how it went down

- y'all were passing the local arcade

"y/n- did you, uh, did you wanna go to the arcade tonight?"

"ooh yes, that sounds like so much fun"

"awesome... it's a date"

- and even though peter muttered that last part

- YOU HEARD IT

- who has super hearing NOW bitch

"a date?"

- you look over at peter and quirk a brow

- but on the inside ur like AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

- YEAHYEAHNASDBFKSDNGLSFNKDC

- penis man gets flustered as FUCK

"oH-! well uhhhhhhh only if you, uhhh only if you want it to be"

"looks like i'll be dressing slightly better than normal"

- at this point y'all are at ur apartment building so you quickly peck him on his cheek (we're confident today ladies and gays!) and run up the steps, waving as you shut the door

- peter's in Fucking Shock.

- eyes wide, cheeks Red As Hell, standing there like Nobody Move! 0_0

- it takes some weirdo person idk to bump into him as he walks by to get him out of his trance

- (he jumps and turns to look at them, throwing his arms in the air like ?? before just sighing)

- (then he remembers Holy Shit I HAVE A DATE WITH Y/N AAAAAAAAAAAA and sort of like Skips away like how he does in far from home after the kiss you get the deal)

- u make sure to put on ur Cutest Fit

some inspo <3

- IM KIDDING

- jk the Ball Pit Dress Blanket Thing is a look and a half 😼

- in case u were wondering (no one is) this is what i would wear:

- when reading fics i Always have to have what im wearing in mind otherwise i am very bothered idk why

- anyways thank u pinterest for the style inspo

- shameless self promo my pinterest is in my bio and we can send each other memes on there <3

- ofc u can choose ur own outfit 😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌

- Not Me putting on jeans and feeling Fancy 😂🤏👋

- N E Ways! u put on ur dope fit and get all nice smelling n shit

- hair all pwetty

- cue (queue? i hate this word) that scene in homecoming of peter getting ready for the dance

- except he doesn't wear a suit (DEFINITELY WONDERS IF HE SHOULD THOUGH) and instead opts for this fit:

- Mhmm..... yea.... Yup.

- look at the SHOES

- anyways i think peter would wear that One Fit from the beginning of hoco with the blue sweater over the button up or maybe something a bit nicer idk

- the look i put is superior 😔

- he's finally ready and smells gr8 and hair is done just how he knows u like it

- may is fucking spitballing tips like a madwoman

"give her all your attention, peter"

"let her win most of the games, but don't make it look like you're letting her win"

"oh and god peter BUY HER A GIANT TEDDY BEAR"

- peter's like Yup Yup Got It May on the outside but on the inside he's fucking taking notes like the nerd he is

- bae

- just as you finish ur final touches ur phone buzzes

whale penis On my way :)

- fyi a whale's penis is called a dork 😌 the more u know 😀😀😀😀

- you quickly text him back and before you know it this Puta is in front of ur door and his heart is going ZOOOOOOOOOM

- but since the two of you are so close and in sync he can usually hone in on your heartbeat even from a far ish distance so he focuses and finds your heartbeat easily

- ur heart is racing too and it makes him feel better

- he finally gets the balls to knock on ur door and Does Just That

- you open it SO FAST (you were secretly standing just outside the door waiting for peter but he doesn't have to know that)

"hi, peter"

- the look on peter's face

- he in Awe

- u look so pretty!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa

- this is a lovepage for that little 'a' at the end of that scream. idk why it makes me smile. it's like the underdog

- i need to fucking Restart my Brain jesus christ

- i get attached to little things so easily MOVING ON

- Beter finally regains himself

- shit excuse me

- 🅱eter finally regains himself

- there we go

"you look.... wow"

- ur face gets SO HOT

"thought i'd go for something other than leggings and oversized t-shirts"

- aka my whole wardrobe

- Very Basic White Girl of me

- (assuming the Fit ur wearing is the picture i put) (if not you can just ignore this little bit) ur like cleavage or whatever is out and it is Definitely Not What Peter's Used To Seeing!

- the Collarbones

- Sexy

- u catch peter's eyes linger on ur chest for a second and u 0_0 for a second

- but then it's like YAY FOR ATTRACTIVE FEATURES

- THANKS PUBERTY????????????

"you look wow as well"

"oH well i dress like this pretty normally i think it's really not that big of a change i probably should've dressed better-"

"you always look good, peter"

- Faking Confidence! hoping peter can't hear ur heart banging against ur sternum!

- but he can... Little Shit

- VERY RED FACES FOR THE TWO OF YOU

- VERY FLUSTERED

- peter is such a gentleman

- waits for you to lock ur door before holding out a hand nervously

- you take it ofc and he intertwines ur fingers and sort of Rubs His Thumb AGainst Ur Skin???? when i put it like that it sounds weird

- i appreciate writing headcanons because i don't have to think things out so that they sound pretty i can just Braindump and y'all r like Yea!! 😀❤

- a very nice feeling <3

- the two of you walk down the sidewalk together

- eventually the awkwardness of Woah We're On A Date!? is gone

- peter starts swinging your hands and you can't stop smiling

- a few people look at the two teenagers just giddily and dramatically swinging their arms together and laughing as they walk down the street

- but those people find it very cute

- y'all talk about the weirdest shit too

- peter rambles about his theory of there being a multiverse

"i mean, what if there really is a multiverse? like, i refuse to believe that we're the only living beings in this whole universe, much less believe that this is the only universe. and, when you think about it, it's like a whole new set of doors of knowledge are suddenly there for us to explore, i mean it just completely changes how we understand the initial singularity. we're talking about an internal inflation system and then how would that even work with all the quantum-? it's insane-!"

- he looks over at you and you're just smiling

"sorry"

"don't apologize for being a genius, peter"

- the ffh reference 😼

- his insides are like lkdsfhskjdfbg at that

- you also have ur nerd moment (i'm making this about reading because.... I Think We Can All Agree)

"what i don't get is all the imbeciles at school who think reading is stupid. they're all like, 'i haven't read a book in like two years! ha ha!' and i'm like 'oh! no wonder you're so stupid!' because not only do they think it's quirky for whatever reason to not read, but reading genuinely makes you smarter and they're all missing out on it! moreover, the feeling of getting sucked into a book and going on the story with the characters and feeling everything they're feeling and when you finish the book it's like holy shit i can't even process this and- oh i'm rambling"

- peter's just looking at you in awe

"this is why i like you"

- NOBODY MOVE

- you Cannot Breathe for a second and the two of you stop walking (still holding hands doe)

"you..?"

"i did ask you on a date, didn't i?"

- you scoff

"you muttered that it was a date and the only reason that fact was established was because i heard it and acted on it"

- peter sighs exasperatedly, still grinning like the Fool He Is as he lets go of your hand to swing his arms dramatically

"well, sorry i'm not super smooth and suave all the time!"

"yeah, cause you're never smooth and suave"

- now he :o

"hey-!"

"that's why i like you, too, parker"

- SMILE GETS EVEN BIGGER

- BIG CHEESY MOMENT

- the two of you clasp hands again and you hug his arm as you continue walking

- i wanna hug a boy's arm

- you get to the arcade and he opens the door for you

"m'lady"

- he's such a dork i hate (love) him

- now here u guys....

- guess who's like genuinely never been to an arcade...

..........

- 🙋‍♀️

- it me!

- yes yes we know i have no life

- SO BASICALLY

- i'm just gonna like fucking Spit-Ball the adventures of y/n and peter at the arcade

- if ur confused rn i am too

- OKAY

- SO U WALK IN

- imma walk up to him and imma push him and imma say I HAVE AIDS no wait thats so strong hold back, savor it, BUILD to that

- i know i didn't get all the words right whatever

- at first it's like Sensory Overload! but then 🅱eter drags you over to the front desk and y'all get ur tickets

- and then it's STRAIGHT TO THE PACMAN BOOTH

- he looks so FUCKIGN CUTE cause his tongue is like sticking out as he focuses

- y'all try the claw machine SO MANY TIMES

- not you managing to actually make it work and getting a spider-man toy

- nOT YOU GIVING IT TO PETER AND HIS CHEEKS ARE JUST 🔴

- the slant on that emoji i'm fucking losing my mind

- you absolutely crush him at the basketball game thing

- and y'all play that thing that has the weird seats or whatever and you're racing

- he lets you win

- y'all KILL IT at dance dance revolution

- peter trips over his feet and you laugh So Loud the people around you are like o_0

- uhhhhh what the fuck else is at an arcade

- i just KNOW i'm gonna forget something and y'all will be like BUT WHAT ABOUT THE _____

- my apologies in advance

- at the end of the night y'all get pizza from the little restaurant they have (idk if that's an actual thing arcades do but fuck it now they do)

- and peter wins you a giant bear and you smile SO BIG!

- peter can't stop smiling at u and u both r so so happy

- guys i need to get a graphic design is my passion in here.....

- getting a bit worried cause idk where to put one 0_0

- not sure where to go with this now... may just read some fics to get inspiration and completely forget to come back to this <3

- i promise i won't i wanna get this up tonight AAAAAAAAAAAA

- okay i will be back after i get inspo

- update it's been an hour and i got distracted have yet to find inspo i'll be back

- update part 2 i went downstairs to get a snack to Fuel My Brain and ant-man and the wasp was on so... watched that

- FUCK INSPO I CAN DO THIS MYSELF

- but i have the brain of a strapless croc.... whatever

-OKAY

- SO YOU GOT YOUR BEAR RIGHT

- YAY

- then you can peter are like "we should probably go" cause it's getting late and it's new york and yes peter's spider-man but y'all are on a date! and we don't want to get attacked!

- huzzah!

- so you leave

- holding hands

- (screaming inside)

- ur other hand is just holding the large ass bear to your chest and peter cannot stop SMILING

- the chaos level has gone down i'm sorry i'm tired

- here's some normalcy!

- you start walking home and see delmar's and peter's like "MR DELMAR WILL GIVE US FREE SOFT SERVES :D" so. you go to delmar's

- you walk in still holding hands and the Second mr delmar sees you he (¬‿¬)

"what brings you two kiddos in so late?"

- peter's BLUSHING

"we, uh, we went on a date SO YOU HAVE SOFT SERVES RIGHT?"

- he's so fucking flustered and it's adorable

- mr delmar just laughs

"on the house just for the lovers"

- now who's blushing

- your name

- "your name" i was feeling spicy huh

- I HAVE TO PACK FOR MY TRIP TOMORROW

- HAHA OOPS

- mr delmar hands you the ice creams and y'all thank you

- he winks you sly bastard

- the two of you walk out and sit on the bench outside to eat your ice cream

- hands are feeling lonely cause you needed to hold your ice cream 😔

- at first y'all are just silent and then you look over at him just happily licking his ice cream

- he's got chocolate ice cream next to his mouth and you laugh

- he turns to you

"what?"

"messy eater"

- you mumble as you raise a hand and wipe it off with your thumb

- you wipe your thumb on your napkin and look back up at peter and suddenly the air has changed cause he's just staring at you or your lips really and oh wow now the air has left your lungs and your heart is racing

"can i kiss you?"

...

- peter tastes like chocolate.

HERE'S A MEME TO MAKE UP FOR THE LACK OF GRAPHIC DESIGN IS MY PASSION

- what if we kissed on the jouch? 😳

- hi lizthearies shoutout to our pinterest convos

- alright story = over

+ + +

THIS TOOK ME SO LONG TO WRITE AND FOR WHAT

ily all, treat yourself and others with kindness (dream with harry had me crying within the first five minutes i love him so much), and WEAR A MASK (unless you're in a safe place aka not the US lol)

AND DONT FORGET TO CONTINUE SIGNING PETITIONS AND SPEAKING OUT!! BLM IS NOT A TREND!

#peter parker #tom holland #peter parker imagines #marvel #mcu #spiderman #peter parker x reader #spiderman x reader #fanfic #fluff #writing #peter #parker #thomas holland

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