#im having a very very rough time right now
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can u make some like generic dating ellie headcannons? (tlou universe preferably)
i love ur writing sm!!
dating ellie williams ◡̈
cw: usual fluff, mentioned love languages, mention of joel’s death (i wanted to be as canon as possible), a little nsfw but nothing too crazy.
note: here are some semi-ooc ellie hc’s!! i feel like im so bad at headcanons, but here you go. thank you for enjoying my work, i hope you like this too pookie!
ellie! is a total introvert to her core, so no matter how she found out about you taking interest in her… she’d probably need some time to think about it.
ellie! would have you freaking tf out over it too. but she means well, she’s just a really bad over-thinker—never wanting to say the wrong thing. but she’d come around and never stop apologizing to you.
ellie! would take a little while to open up to you, if you weren’t friends first. she’s been through a lot in her life, and she fears that her trauma could scare people away.
now, if you were already friends (specifically close friends), you probably would’ve already known her deepest darkest secrets and feelings by the time you started dating. every traumatic event and every fixation she’s had since she was a child.
ellie! thoroughly believes in physical touch and quality time as a love language.
for physical touch: it doesn’t always have to be sexual (she doesn’t complain either way), she just likes to touch you—knowing you’re right there next to her. you could be doing the dishes and she’d come up behind you, leaning her head on your shoulder, with her hands delicately placed on your hips. or standing by the bar at the tipsy bison, with her fingers dipped into any of the pockets of your jeans. keeping you close.
for quality time: she does love her moments alone, but they’re always better with you somewhere near by. sometimes, when she would spend hours painting or drawing in her art room, she’d ask if you could come sit in. so you’d bring your book, or whatever you were doing, and read silently in the same room as her. while a smooth record played in the background. but sometimes, she doesn’t even ask. you could be doing the most boring thing ever, and she’d float around you like a curious bumblebee.
ellie! love, love, loves being babied—even though she’d never admit it. she has a reputation to uphold, of course. during the spring, due to the patrols and supply runs, her allergies would wreck havoc on her. that’s where you come in to nurture her back to health. she’d have tissue stuck up her nose, with her head lying in your lap on the couch. you rubbing your hand over her hair, soothingly.
“if you kiss me right now, i think my sinuses will re-open.”
“ellie, you just sneezed two minutes ago.”
“baby, pleaseeeee! i need it!” and she’d give the craziest puppy dog eyes known to man. and, of course, you’d give in. giving her the sweetest smooch ever. it didn’t open her sinuses, but she knew that. just know… she’s gonna convince you to give her another to be sure.
another scenario would be coming home after a long day at work (idk i feel like doing patrols would be like her main thing). she probably had a rough day with the lingering infected, and came back with a few injuries. the moment she stepped through the door, she’d be calling for you. wrapped in your arms, smelling like the outdoors, you’d slowly undress her and then run a bath. she loved when you’d cater to her in that way—cleaning her cuts, washing her skin from dried blood and dirt. after all that, you’d cuddle in bed, pillow-talking until her eyes shut before yours.
“goodnight, els.” smooch.
ellie! was a little iffy when it came to holidays, but when it came to your birthday it was a special affair. jackson was a healthy and happy little bubble, but because the idea of loss wasn’t foreign to her—celebrating her loved ones was very important to her.
if you didn’t like grand gestures, she’d keep it lowkey. maybe throwing a little surprise for the two of you at home; cooking you dinner, having a movie night, and giving you little trinkets she found on the road. or painting something for you in secret, then giving it to you as a gift.
speaking of cooking…
ellie! has thing for making good food. a part of me feels like joel put her on when she was young, and after he died (yeah, i’m sorry) she made an effort to keep it up. playing guitar was much harder for her since she only had two fingers and a thumb on her left hand—so she decided to pick up something else to stay close to him.
so every chance she can get, she cooks for you or both of you. when you would go on patrols, you’d make sure to pick up cook books from before the outbreak since she found them so fascinating. and you loved being her little food guinea pig. spoiler: she was a fast learner so her cooking skills were pretty good.
ellie! 100% taught you to play the song (that we all know and love) that joel taught her on the guitar. and whenever you knew she needed to hear it, you’d play it for her. and, i swear on everything, there’d be tears in her eyes every time.
and for some freaky stuff… (i won’t get into crazy detail but i just wanna be thorough ;D)
ellie! just loves loving you… making love to you—doing everything that she can to almost prove that you’re everything to her (not that she needs to but she does it anyway).
meaning: at the very best, she’s a service!top. however, i can get behind her being a switch/verse (or maybe i’m bias lmao).
ellie! probably wouldn’t strap as often as the fanfics show. especially being in this apocalyptic world—where would you get them?? if they weren’t hella old… and, i feel like she’d think they were a little silly (but if you wanted to try it, she’d oblige because what you say goes).
ellie! loves to watch the expressions of your features contort into visuals of pleasure. it’s how she knew she was being good for you—doing everything that you asked but better!
your first time: of course she was super awkward. not really knowing where to put her hands at first. but once the heat began to rise, and your bodies began to press together, her entire energy changed! she’s her most confident when she’s in service to someone (in some way)—so she makes it her prerogative to make you feel good and comfortable. you weren’t really expecting that from her, though. it only took one airy moan coming from your lips for her to completely flip the script.
her hands were firmly delicate, and she made sure to be very vocal in your ears and over your body.
overall, ellie williams is a very attentive lover. in many ways than just one.
#🪅#millersfinest#ellie tlou#ellie williams#lesbian#ellie williams headcanons#ellie williams imagine#ellie williams smut
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#vent post#im sorry i keep posting sad shit#im having a very very rough time right now#and i feel lonely#guh#anyway back to silly ol ender and bottling up my feelings until i break once again!#Spotify
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yuuta exhibits such previously abandoned, recently adopted dog behavior. incredibly anxious all the time, even though nobody’s out to get him or leave him behind. waits for you to return home or from school or from work excitedly, just to see you when you walk through the door. follows you around senselessly, hovering in your space just for the sake of companionship. initiates affection in prodding ways—starts off next to you, then a hand on your thigh, then deems it safe to lay all the way down, then slowly pushes his head into your lap. gets up whenever you need to get up, and resumes his position as soon as you’re ready. brings you gifts as a sign that he’s thinking of you, and maybe because he likes the affection it brings out in you, maybe because he likes the gentle affirming touches of a hand in his hair or a pinch to his cheek. rests his head on your stomach or his chin on your shoulder when he’s sleepy, stays there, immobile, and will not move unless absolutely necessary. sometimes he gets surprised when he hears you calling for him, there’s a moment of disbelief as he thinks “me? really? you need me?” but it’s very quickly overshadowed by this compulsive need to show up, to please, to do anything for you, which is why he always answers when you call. he doesn’t realize that he has puppygod eyes, especially when he’s excited or confused, but he does and it’s incredible endearing. very reluctant to share your space or attention after a while, considers that to be sacred and he won’t risk being let go or lost again, so as a safety precaution, he keeps himself right by you, waits for you always.
#atp i need to shut and write the omega verse fics that consistency plague my mind#but while im here time for my obligatory megumi mention bc i mentioned dogs teehee#yes megumi attack dog hes megumi grumbly yes megumi bark bark bite bite BUT BUT BUTTTT#megumi is also used to like... hm........ taming? having? caring for? people in his life and also literal (divine) dogs#so for him yes he bites and barks#but he also... he gets confused if YOU dont follow him around like a puppy bc everyone else in his life has so why not you?#gojo's always been the annoying yapping pomeranian chewing on his arm even if he didn't ask#always in megumi's space even tho he didn't ask but he learned to deal with it#won't admit it but knows that too much attention is better than having someone who couldn't give a shit about you#yuuji is the golden in everybody's life and megumi is no exception#unmovable unshakeable and incredibly addictive even if he doesn't mean to be#and very very attached to the people he cares about so yeah yuuji is loud and annoying but he's also loyal and megumi respects that so fine#nobara is like... she decided she liked megumi and was upset about it so she bit his ankle and he tried to kick her off but she has too muc#pride to get shaken off by someone as scrawny as megumi and somewhere along the way megumi became impressed that she was still there even i#it hurt a bit and she was a little rough it's not like he was worse so fine whatever she can stay too#so if you like... if you dont hover around megumi if you dont pry if you dont prod then he has to be the dog smh#now he's gotta bite for your attention and nudge you and how annoying. he's gonna keep doing it tho. as long as he has to#or until you learn to fall in line and accept your leash too whichever comes first n e way.... anyway.............#somebody's pampered omega always gets what he wants megumi complex is showing......#this was about yuuta right? ok i'll put his tags now....#juju#jujutsu kaisen smut#jjk x reader#jjk smut#jjk fluff#jujutsu kaisen x reader#yuuta okkotsu x reader#yuta okkotsu x reader
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first amv be nicies to me about it or else
#qktalks#new hobby found ! achievement get#there was a lyric at the very start of this song (that i cut out bc it was slow and i wanted it to be a bit crazier)#that says ''i can't seem to stay me'' which was sorta the origin of why i picked this one#so there ya go#the first half is a lil rough ngl.i recognize this and if u make fun of me ill cry right on ur person#i thought i hated editing but it turns out once u have a halfway decent editing program the process Doesn't make u wanna cry#i have another song in mind but im not sure there's rly enough footage of what i want for it ... hrrmm#mob psycho 100#mob psycho#mp100#shigeo kageyama#mp100 mob#mp100 shigeo#flashing#<- dunno if it's necessary but just to be sure#i do kinda like that amvs take way less time than most of my other hobbies#like art takes forever building anything in any game takes centuries writing can take a long time depending on the length#but u can kinda just whip up an amv in one sitting if u know what ur doing#i Didn't know what i was doing when making This so it took me a couple days but ! now i know the basics of the program so yay
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I've lowered the prices of my commissions!
To be honest, it was a decision I made for two reasons. First, I know my reach is terrible right now, and second, I know the economy is rough on all of us right now.
That doesn't stop me from wanting my art to be my work, and I do think in general that art is a luxury that should be priced accordingly, but I want to be able to reach more people! Offering low cost work is better than no work at all, as things are at the moment. That being said, I still need to reach more eyes! So even if you, beloved reader, cannot commission me, a reblog and a share would do a lot for me! Thank you for your time!
You can comm me on Vgen forrrr (some price examples);
sketches at $16, chibs at $20, loose color art at $30, and more!
#commissions#art#ffxiv#dnd#original characters#illustration#im sure including a link is going to kill visibility even more cuz that usually seems to be the case#its rough out here to promote commissions but yknow i gotta try!#i also just gotta post more in general i know its not fun to just see someone promote for commissions and stuff all the time but i ammmm#very low on funds right now not that i'll complain about that outside of tumblr tags people read enough struggle buses online#but thanks for reading if you did! hope you have a lovely day and i believe in you achieving your goals
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ok heres this. how i interpreted his fears at least
#rnm spoilers#most of them r said pretty plainly but whatever LOL i love lists#interesting how u can see mortys Main fear of relying on rick right from the start#not sure abt the ‘rick putting them in danger one’#its in tbat little loop of Rick Fears#which im not quite sure what to make of. so thats the closest i can get#its definitely smth hes doen a lot. so theres that#SCARY IMPLICATIONS of morty having overcome his reliance on rick. or at least his fear of it#like in conquering the hole alone hes realised he doesnt really Need rick.#like maybe one day therell be a time he gets in trouble and rick Wont bail him out. or cant. but hes ok w that now?#hmmmm. intersting. very curious to see where that goes#themost painful one for me is being responsible for ricks sadness#liek thsts so fucking rough.#GETTING PERSONAL…. like i know how it feels to be a kid and feel responsible for the emotions of adults. it sucks balls#itd be interesting to see if All of these fesrs have been conquered or just the reliance one
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don’t mind me, just going to queue up some amazing fics while i sulk a little about not participating in kinktober 🥲
#— yap central#tw vent#now im just gonna ramble a little in tags bc it’s basically my diary#i am fully aware that this is 110 a ‘me’ problem but that doesn’t stop me from going into a sad spiral ✌🏻😗#i am very excited to read all my friends kinktober fics and i will devour them all MARK MY WORDS#idk i just find myself a little upset by the fact that im not participating#firstly i am NOT confident in my smut writing abilities#secondly the few times I have done it it just really killed my motivation to write#found it boring and v repetitive#but there’s something about seeing so many people participate#so many talented writers all gathering#creating super creative ideas and concepts and GOSH PEOPLE ARE AO TALENTED#AAAAND the state is the fandom right now is very smut centred#which is absolutely no problem i mean i read and reblog smut all the time#it’s just a little rough yk#comparison really is the devil#idk been a rough day at work and im just tired I suppose#ANYWAY I WILL DEVOUR ALL THE KINKTOBER FICS#YOURE ALL CRAZY GOOD AND I ADMIRE YOU ALL
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hehehehehehehe
#serena.txt#friday night funkin#fnf#i will freely admit this is very rough LOL its my first time messing around w this stuff. but this is rlly just for me so i dont mind#still gotta compile a lot of the other sprites (tutorial; car; christmas; etc)#but the normal idle is finally done after a lot of work!#also saying right now THIS IS USING A PRE-EXISTING MOD THAT REPLACES PICO W GF. i just used those sprites and#combined them with gf's normal sprites. all credit to the sprites themselves goes to gottagetagrip on gamebanana#again this is rlly just for me so idk if i'd go about actually putting this up as a downloadable mod. esp since again its pretty rough#but if i do i will make sure to get direct permission from them (and anyone else i need to) first#anyways. yayyyyyyy im super happy im glad it didnt turn out complete shit. going to dedicate myself to getting the rest of it done o7#also uhhh i guess if anyone DOES have an interest in one day downloading this for themselves let me know?#if there is an actual demand then i'll definitely plan to reach out to try and publish this. esp since then if someone wanted#to spruce it up a bit more they could LOLLL
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I MISS YOU ALL SO DEARLY
#just know that i am thinking about you all so much#im having a... time™ right now#but hopefully it'll smooth itself out soon and sort of get abit more settled#feeling very very rough and yuck and bad etc etc today#love you all much#sage.words
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am i aware getting new things is okay and fine? yes. do i want to do it? no and im going to have several meltdowns about it instead.
#camera talks#not right now but i Feel crazy about it again and its not good.#i have to get a new comforter bc my current one is uhh quite literally falling apart and its not very good#(like its so so badly falling apart. the inside fluff is entirely exposed and its got a lot of holes </3#bad enough its rough to send through the washer and dryer :/)#but if i get a new one and its the wrong texture i will Freak so ive been putting off buying a new one#but i Also dont like using this one.. and i need to get a new backpack but this one has lasted me forever and like.#a new one will have to last me in college too tbh so i dont Want to get a new one#and i do this all the time. with like socks (i will only use 1 brand but it falls apart easily :/ and i refuse to try anything else#so i end up just buying a ton of socks instead of getting new and better ones for a long time)#and im over over thinking things and i need to read my book#someone kill me#god i need to stop posting. just anything in general i feel like i share too much#i need a therapist </33#also im going to go listen to the american bison and read my book probably#we'll see
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we're back from comiket i was so prepared for it to be like vomas where i bought way too much but i didnt end up getting anything. even getting in around 12 after the whole entrance line parade thing the limbus booth already stopped taking orders for the day & by the time i remembered the kamitsubaki fanartists were there they were sold out of anything i wanted. amazing event if ur into recent anime, games, or vtubers unfortunately i really only cared about 2 things so it wasnt really my type of event. still cool to go to tho
#im kind of mad about the limbus booth knowing what kind of numbers to expect and yet#they cut sales before the pm people even got in#like i had an am ticket & bc i wasnt there right at opening i didnt get a chance#which is not so much a complaint with the staff there so much as whoever's organizing it#the kmtsbk fan arts thing is my own fault tho bc i was walking around like an hour or two before i remembered they were there#the cosplayers were very cool too. didnt get any pics ur just going to have to trust me on that#anyway im so just going to focus on going to voca events from here on i think. bc i have the most fun with those#vomas was the best time of my life i would go to vomas again no hesitation#comiket however.. its going to take some convincing to go to another.#not that its bad its just my interests are so limited it just wasnt for me#and thats fine! i know when i fall outside if a target audience#also maybe fuyucomi is better bc. 34°c is a bit much for me. even after getting inside it was still rough#anyway i passed my limits walking around like that all day im crashing hard now byebye
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am finally back home and can say without a doubt that i am just fundamentally not built for long distance travel however the train was much nicer than planes
#that being said. pressurized cabins drive me insane a little bit#and also it gives you pretty intense sea legs for a While#like. the ones from the first trip hadnt gone away by the return one. so. might be stuck with that for a few days#we shall see#also ajr live fucks severely#the albums were already incredible but that was a goddamn religious experience#like. idk the way i think abt it is theyre more djs than a regular band esp w their performance showing the making of way less sad#like their music is very electronic‚ theyre making mixes of their own sound effects more than singing in one go#so like. the vocals were a teeensy bit rough at times#notably times it has taken me Literally Hundreds Of Hours Practice to be able to consistently sing along with#and times ive found its literally physically impossible to like. no matter what#idc how big your lungs are‚ there is no human on earth who can do that final run of karma in one breath#much less to An Entire Stadium After An Hour Of Jumping And Dancing And Singing Loud As Fuck#so like i dont blame them for that‚ you dont go to live shows expecting it to be 100% perfect anyways jwbdjsbfksb#the trumpet however. well she was certainly playing sometimes. and was very enthusiastic about her flares.#however. in most of their songs they use midi trumpets to my ear at least#meaning she was likely an addition specifically for live performances and in my personal band kid opinion#prooobably was not in any of the like. higher tier bands? idk just. a lot of the mistakes she was making were hitting as stuff that got#taught out of us the instant we joined any band beyond regular concert#so i would guess she was probably just like. a friend who happened to play trumpet in high school or maybe even just middle school#and they knew that the trumpet parts in their pieces were big and distinct enough that like they /had/ to get a live player#and just kinda. didnt anticipate the audition -> performance gap#like. her tone was really fried the whole time like she was playing as hard as possible#which. she was mic'd. have the sound guy turn her up.#the way they did it made it sound like she was using a mute but not. like she only got the bad parts of a mute from it yknow#her tempo and timing were. bad. theres no nice way to put that one it just Was Bad‚ like the trumpet runs in ajr songs arent. complicated#like. quite literally if you handed me the sheet music right now i would have it down perfect in a week at absolute most#and better than that player on sightread. like. we did so many sightreading drills.#like ill share my band kid creds if anyone cares but i need to emphasize this isnt me being braggy like. they genuinely just arent hard#fuck im out of tags. w/e i think only like one of yall also listens to them anyways so i can leave it there
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i feel so miserable and emotionally exhausted i cant wait to traumadump to my social worker on tuesday when he asks why i haven't finished my english homework DJDMSKDKSKS
#LIKE. IT HAS BEEN A ROUGH WEEK#being horrifically sick + family problems + overemotional for some fucking reason#i never EVER cry but i have cried like at least four times this week thats how u know it's very very bad#im so fucking exhausted. mentally & physically#and nothing helps#I just want to talk to someone but pretty much the only person im around irl right now is my grandma#who arguably is going through a worse time than me. plus i dont wanna talk to her about this anyway#i want an unsuspecting stranger to feel sorry for me#<- half joking i know there are people going thru worse things. I HAVE gone through worse things#i just want to stew in my own misery for a bit okay!!!!!#txt
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Hey! It's the mod here. I know it's been a while, so I wanted to make an update post regarding the unannounced hiatus I've been on.
As you may have guessed, based on the (aside from reblogging my ask for help from my main), I got a bit of burnout with this blog. I've been wanting to start it back up again for a while, and I've been plotting out a bit of plot for a while so I'm not just making this all up as I go along and can keep track of things lol. Now, while this is fun and all, there are some things I want to address.
Firstly, as some of you may know, this blog started because Levi's mod and I were going back and forth with a prince donnie idea, initially to help him sleep, in fact. As you can tell, it spun up into this blog and an entire universe of its own. Unfortunately, Levi's mod and I had a falling out. For those of you that do follow my main, back in August, there was a debacle from me freaking out over something and some confusion over who I was upset with, leading to a chain of hate mail that has continued to the point that I'm even less sure of my identity and self-worth than before. Levi's mod contacted me via DMs to talk about the situation, but never responded after I did. To my knowledge, at least as far as Tumblr is showing me when I look at old asks on this blog, their blog has since deactivated. I'm unsure if they have received harassment or anything on my behalf from this entire situation, but if that occurred, I do not condone it and I am ashamed of those of you that partook in that. In light of these developments, unless I am contacted by Levi's mod either directly or through a mutual contact, I will be leaving their contributions to this au and the origins intact out of respect. If he wishes to no longer be included in this au, he knows where to contact me, and I will overhaul as necessary and restart the blog to do so.
Secondly, as things have been somewhat bogged down as of late, for the sake of plot, I may timeskip to when everyone has been safely returned home to their universe. Before doing this, I will consult with the lovely mod that was assisting with the pizzaplex crossover arc before doing so to see what course of action I should take. If I do timeskip, I will answer the ask that Pride's mod has sent me to tie up a little bit of Michaelangelo and Ali's adventure into the canon Rise universe, and then proceed with the timeskip.
As of right now, anon will be remaining off to avoid further hate mail, insults, and threats to my life and safety, along with attempts at doxxing me in my own inbox. If there are questions, comments, or concerns, feel free to send in an ask, and I will respond as soon as possible. Thank you for your patience with this long wait, and I'm excited to continue the story of this blog, as I have a lot in store!
#ooc#sorry about the long wait it's been a rough time for me#between the constant hate messages from the misunderstanding#the beration for having traumatized my own oc in my fic and asking for people to read it and tell me what they think#my stepfather dying just over a week before my birthday#along with a lot of latent abandonment issues confusion and autism kicking me in the teeth#on top of the financial issues#it's just been hard.#i do hope this explains it well enough and im sorry if it doesn't im not very good at explaining things#i have been crying almost every day for the past two weeks and the stress has caused some breathing issues in that time#and i was driven out of one of my own blogs because it simply no longer feels safe there-#-considering it was found through reblogs and harassed extremely heavily due to the entire thing#but i am feeling well enough today despite crying that i can kick myself enough to get this out#anon is on on both my main and the blog i publish the fic on from the 14th through the 22nd to allow for anonymous comments regarding it#and i may turn anon back on on this blog when it's up and running again as i have cleared the hate mail from its inbox#but right now i just wanted to explain why it's been royally dead#i will provide further updates depending on what happens#but for right now im going to focus on being excited to get it back up and running#and i hope you are too
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finally playing the sword & shield dlc (yes i’m a little late to the party lmao) and woooow crown tundra is so much more enjoyable than isle of armour
#maybe it’s just because i’m stuck in the stage of leveling kubfoo and the only other thing to do in the meantime is the diglett quest#hey you know what would be fun for the players? spotting a dozen sight variations on the ground in a sandstorm!!!#also the dynamax lair thing in crown tundra?????? VERY FUN and basically just free legendaries#they just tell you where to find giratina and you do 4 fights and don’t have to worry about catch rates??#tbf i did lose again kyurem but then you can just retry at any time and it doesn’t cost you ANYTHING#i also really like the fact that they give you pokemon to choose. takes a lot of the stress out of it for me#ANYWAY so it’s rough having to choose legendary forms#i wanna go with the darker type for everything all the time lmao#like i’m gonna get the ghost horsie. but i’m still trying to decide for urshifu#i think i might actually go with water. but dark is cool 😭😭😭#tbf i can just use a different switch profile to get the other one and then transfer it but it’s not the same yknow. only one is my choice#anyway idk. i’m having fun. i played for like 8 hrs straight yesterday OOPS#trying to work out the regi puzzles tho….regirock was very obviously an everstone but i’ll have to think abt the others#(NO SPOILERS IM DOING IT MYSELF)#and then i have to choose electric vs dragon right? fml#i’ll probably go electric because my strongest pokemon are more dragons#but i know regieleki is the competitive choice and more ppl take it so i feel bad for regidrago lmaooooo#whatever that’s a choice for later. the only choice i have to make right now is where to plant my carrots and im going with ghost for that#IM GOING GHOST GUYS#personal
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How to find a job that doesn't make me despair to live
#I LOVE the library but i've been part time for two years and i am not making enough to support myself lmao#i am very fortunate to have a lot of savings but i live alone in an apartment i signed for when i had two jobs and now that my income is#cut in half things are rough#and i have interviewed a dozen times or more for a promotion to full time and they aren't budging#and then yesterday one of the managers was micromanaging me and my shitty coworker was mocking my menial tasks lol#bc he is info staff and i am just lowly circulation so i have to keep my head down and shelve the books i guess?? even tho he doesn't do#jack shit and gets paid double what i do and is full time#like i got scolded and told to stop preparing for my presentation that is tonight bc i should have been making sure the books were in the#right order on the shelves lmao#meanwhile this guy has been booking vacation flights all morning#and even if i get full time and even though i work at a comparatively VERY well paying library#im still not going to make much#i have a degree in journalism and communications that im not using bc that shit made me feel dead inside#and i wanted to do something that mattered#but the things that mattered are not paying my bills or buying me a new winter coat or allowing me to do things like get a haircut or buy#clothes that i like or go out with friends or start new hobbies#and im just like is it worth it??? is this worth it???#like im not desolate or anything but i deny myself things every day bc im fine now#but i dont know how much longer i have to make the money stretch#and im tired#i just wanted to do something real that helped people#every day i get to work around books and talk about books and help people access social services#i helped a kid with homework and an elderly lady access job resources and showed a kid his favorite book series that he got so excited#about that he yelled all in the same day and it was fantastic#it mattered#but#is it worth it???#this was the dream i worked so hard for and now im looking at all that hope and effort like. this didn't save you either#idk yall its rough out here#me
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