#im gonna see him winter break hopefully tho!
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jeongjaebae · 2 years ago
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kim sunwoo is literally going to be the death of me i sweaarrrr 😭😭😭😭 and yeah now that you mention it LOL i guess my bias line is dance line ft. sangyeon (you can imagine how well i was faring during the no diggity special stage jwhdkwkfek). i usually don’t have a specific archetype i gravitate towards for biases i think? usually the loserboys get me LMAO but i usually just go for anyone who i think is cute and who i’m endeared by !! like for seventeen my bias is hoshi which came kind of out of the blue for me but idk i want to keep him in my pocket T.T and for nct 127 my bias is doyoung but my nct dream bias is haechan so its a vast assortment of different personalities LOL. do you have a bias line or a type u like to gravitate towards too (for tbz and/or svt haha)?? i might be missing some off the top of my head but i think those songs def are in my top picks for bsides from reveal !
and yeah i noticed that too :(( it didnt help that 2022 was really hectic for them esp with the world tour jebdkwkdn ist is so …. 😭 i mean we all know how ist is lmfao but they’ve all said they talked a lot with each other and the company about what’s coming next so i’m really excited to see what’s gonna be in their future! and yes ! i think the comeback in january is gonna be a continuation of whisper? they teased the whistle sound at the end of the whisper mv at their kbs song festival performance so i think its definitely gonna be connected!
and i am actually… in the process of writing a tbz fic right now HAHA its a sunwoo fic! i’m probably gonna post it over at @/svnzwu for fandom consistency’s sake rather than my svt blog haha but im hoping i can take advantage of this winter break to get all if not most of it done ! BTW. UR LATEST SUNWOO FIC WAS SO ….. AUGGHHH so so so cute !! always always loving your writing <3 and yes we should make an initiative lmao Operation: Revive Deobiblr HAHA
and happy holidays!! i hope you had a merry christmas and christmas eve (if you celebrate) 🫶🫶
ngl all your talk about sunwoo (esp in that racer outfit) has gotten me in a slight sunwoo phase like.... have you seen the way he dances 👀 but yeahHHH the no diggity stage had all ur faves!! oooh you bias hoshiii 😍 i swear... when i saw him with that bird.... omg. do you have a svt bias line? also the way haechan and doyoung are the ones who like to fight each other LOL. oh yeah there was a saying in deobiland about how your bias wreckers tend to be the rest of the "line" that your bias is in - if you bias ju then your wreckers might be hyunjae or younghoon, if you bias sunwoo then wreckers might be changmin and chanhee. which seemed to be true for the people i've seen around here but you have an interesting bias line!! i think i tend to like the members who get teased by other members LMAO. so... like mingyu 😶 otherwise for svt i'd say junhui, hoshi, minghao, wonwoo! and for tbz sangyeon, younghoon!! (always rotating tho,,, as i once said "why have a dish when you can have a buffet" hehe)
ohh yeah i heard tbz were talking about the comeback on vlive and it seemed like it'd be darker/sexier? or at least a smoother choreo like no air, which i'm looking forward to!! is there like a particular concept you want to see them do? and omg ist really be making mistakes here, did you see the whole thing about eric's new song and how the producer plagiarized it.... yikes. the poor guy just got back from hiatus too like pleaseee 😭
ahhh ty for reading and for your comments!!! 🫶 the fics definitely hit different when it's for your bias right?!?! ooh what's your sunwoo fic about? and yesss i have a couple more things for Operation: Revive Deobiblr but hopefully we get some more traction with the other award shows and jan comeback 🤩
and yesss hope you had a nice christmas with your family!! happy new year too, may it be filled with all the nice things coming your way!!✨💖💫
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dirt-grub · 3 years ago
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fuuuuck i shoulda dyed my hair again while my parents were away TwT
#connor talks#HOW am i still letting them weirdly pressure me abt my hair#they were like dont dye it black you have such nice blond hair#but. no. i want it black ive come to really like it#ITS WEIRD i never expected this to happen but like im now one of those people who keeps it a different color than it is naturally#i would shame my mom so bad lmaoooooo she wished she had my hair so bad#but i chopped it all off and dyed it to shit hehe#like idk i like having black hair! im used to it now! but like its starting to look way too light#hold on lemme check the mirror and see how blond i am atm#yea just checked ITS WAY TOO BLOND! NO!!!!#they chopped off all my black TwT#at least i have way less hair to dye ^_^#its also weird having people meet me and just associate me with dark hair because somehow i just expect people to know its naturally light#eh i'll wait a little bit so it doesnt grow out by halloween#WAIT OCTOBER ISNT THAT FAR AWAY WTF#where did september go. where did AUGUST go. whadda hell i miss my bestie :'(#im gonna see him winter break hopefully tho!#i just gotta liek survive classes X(#im having epic dysphoria moments tho i better get T in the next month or so or im gonna scream#i still have suchhhh bad internalized transphobia where i keep thinking i wanna be a guy so bad... bestie you are a guy#no but like a *real* guy... BESTIE YOU AREEEE#body issues anywaysssssss#i need to make some new maille for the holidays and some for my little cousins and sister#and uhhhhhh idk. not fall behind in class. which i feel like a slump is coming i skipped school today#whateverrrrr its never as bad as i feel like it is :P
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tahdashi · 2 years ago
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the only good thing ab my bf going away for conferences is that i get suit n tie pics 🙈 soooooooo unwell
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keilemlucent · 4 years ago
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lavender latte: vi
(T (for now!))
hawks | takami keigo x reader
ao3
chapter 1   ||   chapter 2  ||   chapter 3   ||  chapter 4   ||   chapter 5   ||  chapter 7  ||
masterlist
word count: 6.8k
finally. god.  
warnings: none really! reader’s foot booted, but that’s about it.
---
well. here we are. thank u to everyone for reading this sweet, sweet story. we’re not through it yet, but i’m happy to offer a meal with this chapter. enjoy lovies. beta’ed by the lovely love @keiqos​. 
||||||||||||||||
You had several problems after returning to your apartment from the hospital. One of your coworkers was nice enough to drive you and your things back, but quickly the niceties stopped and your vague hell began.
Exclusively being on crutches sucked. Navigating your apartment and trying to live somewhat normally was a massive pain. Even just showering was a task that sapped most of your energy. Standing one-legged and balancing made your body ache with a deep soreness, especially the first few days you returned.
This was not even to mention the unpleasant dreams you were having.
‘Unpleasant’ & ‘dreams’ were a nice way of putting it.
You could recall that during your first night in the hospital, one of your doctors told you of the possibility of experiencing a few post-traumatic symptoms. Considering how out of it you were at the time, it was unsurprising how you brushed it off.
The reality was much harder to ignore.
...
Cars revving.
Shouting.
Shattering—
 Your eyes flashed open, chest heaving and brow covered in a fine sheen of sweat. 
Fuck that.
It was the same dream, an obvious recreation of the stimuli of the event. Though it was scattered in your memory, the dreams made it horribly vivid and vibrant despite lacking detail. The sounds and smells of that day clung to you as you shook your head, forcing yourself into wakefulness. 
Your comforter was thrown from your body, and you shivered as cold air rushed over you. As jarred as you were, you still swung your legs off the bed, readjusting your boot and your aching leg, half-heartedly glaring at your crutches.
Your apartment wasn’t terribly set up to get around with your limited mobility, but your difficulty functioning didn’t help your overall mental state. Everything was just harder with the boot on, and you did your best to work with it. 
Being locked up in your apartment added to the hellishness of it. You were so used to the stimuli and social environment of the teashop, it felt like a cold water shock when you were confined to your home entirely alone except for your cats.   
You could, of course, try and venture out into the world. But, it was still winter and the ice-covered sidewalks didn’t seem like the best place to try and crutch around. 
Within the first day or two, you resigned yourself to your three-week fate of being holed up. 
You had a laundry list of things you could do. Shows and movies to watch, places in your house to clean, your cats to pet, but—
You still had far too much time on your hands.
A lot of your newfound time in the first few days was spent on your back, leg propped up, and draped in ice bags, musing over Hawks.
Hawks.
Holy fuck.
You couldn’t avoid it, couldn’t stop it. Just thinking about him made every part of you swirl and thrum like you were listening to some sort of contently-chorded song and you were more than happy to play it on repeat until your ears bled. Maybe that feeling towards Hawks had always been there (it had), but now you accepted it and stopped holding yourself back as much.
You never thought the idea of someone squeezing your shoulder would send you into literal fits of giggles and butterflies, but boy, did it. Not to mention all of the careful touches and gentle words you two had shared in the aftermath of the attack, though the memories were hazy. What you did remember and cherish was the warmth of him, quirk activated or not. Each time you recalled it, your gut fluttered and your hands twitched.
Your ceiling was the most interesting place to look in your apartment. The plain texture was the perfect canvas to allow your memories of the sweet interactions the two of you had shared to play like comforting reruns. The commercial breaks of these daydreams were the texts exchanged between you and Hawks. 
 Keigo couldn’t stop thinking about you either.
It wasn’t as distracting as it once was, as he had been more liberal with letting himself text you. The high number of messages between the two of you was maybe ridiculous, but he was a fast texter and you seemed to have plenty of jokes and banter for him to share in.
As good as the texting was, it was also nice to check-in on you and your recovery. You seemed more annoyed than anything else, but Keigo wasn’t so much of an idiot as to think you weren’t in any pain or struggling at all. Though you didn’t explicitly tell him or show him, he was familiar with the pains of healing and could infer some things about your state. 
Keigo tried to brighten your day as he could. ‘Hawks’ still had plenty of hero work to do, especially with the information extracted from the recently detained syndicate members. Despite this, he took as much time as he could to stop and send you little snippets and messages which hopefully would help you smile a little.
 It did, of course. Just talking to Hawks did.
You had moments of awareness a few times a day where you had to remind yourself that, yes, (Y/N), you were just casual friends and deeply enamored with the number two hero and that sentiment was at least partially returned. 
You had a lot of time to wonder to what extent the feelings were returned. They obviously weren’t entirely one-sided, right? 
It was completely possible that they were, but you did your best to shake off the thought.
It was more likely that notorious bachelor and flirt, pro hero Hawks, just wanted a fuck with some feelings. To fuck with some feelings, right? 
Though, he did say that he cares about you.
But, you definitely can care about someone you only want to fuck.
You wished you had some sort of definitive answer. The murkiness of it all just made the sweetness of the past and the texts of the present seem a bit sour. 
Confessing to Hawks was daunting and terrifying. Not to mention, it felt a bit juvenile, all of it. People weren’t supposed to get melty crushes like this past high school, right? Especially not ones this deep on someone who couldn’t possibly feel the same as you, right?
 During one of these moments of uncomfortable clarity, your phone beeped as you rested on the couch. Despite not even seeing the message, you knew it would be Hawks.
You grabbed your phone, clicking open the newest message. 
 [birdboy]: hey hey angel
[birdboy]: look at this fucker i found
 The image attached was a photo of Hawks standing next to one of his own billboards, advertising some sort of sports drink. The photo had obviously been taken with a timer, the angle of the photo tilted as Hawks and the billboard were quite small in the frame. It added to the charm of the photo, the way Hawks was holding a feather blade to the throat of his own advert. You could even tell through the pixels he was wearing a wide smile as he did so, wings spread behind him
You snorted.
You and Hawks are just friends, you reminded yourself. 
 [you]: looks like a punk bitch 2 me dude
[you]: kinda uncanny resemblance tho
[birdboy]: i agree
[birdboy]: he’s hot tho
 You rolled your eyes, still smiling as you readjusted on the couch. You weren’t disagreeing, not at all. 
 [you]: not wrong
[you]: still, punk bitch
[birdboy]: :^(
[birdboy]: feelings = hurt
[birdboy]: please tell me the photo is funny 
[birdboy]: it took like five tries
[you]: very funny, im gonna save it and sell when im short on cash
[birdboy]: my publicist will blacklist u
[you]: i’d like to see them try
[birdboy]: is that a challenge angel????
[you]: a promise
 There was a break in the messages, though Hawks appeared to be typing.
 [birdboy]: unrelated but
[birdboy]: how are you doing?
 You paused, taking stock of your disheveled, sleepy self. You were only a few days out of the hospital and you definitely could’ve been worse off.
 [you]: im okay!!!
[you]: sore and tired honestly
[birdboy]: :^(
[birdboy]: i'm glad to hear its not worse at least
[birdboy]: ill send u lots more embarrassing photos 
[birdboy]: a million angel
[you]: my hero <3
 It all was surreal and mentally impossible to avoid.
You really, really liked Hawks and had for a long while.
             ...
 Keigo spent most of the rest of the day busy with patrols and work for the Commission, much to his chagrin. He hardly got a chance to text you. It reminded him of his reality as a pro, his fast-paced nature and how he truly couldn’t slow down, not at that point anyway. He had a brand and habitual way of being that was standard. Even for you, he wasn’t sure if he could slow down, even if he wanted to or needed to.
The idea scared him, pieces of his reality.
But, at the same time, Keigo hadn’t ever felt like this before. The weird, but incredibly alluring and comfortable heat in his chest made him feel like he’d do anything for you. Fuck, he’d fly to the stars and move them if he could, if that’s what it took. 
Maybe he even wanted to. 
Keigo couldn’t become a different person, for anyone, that’s not how things worked. But if getting closer to you meant... adjusting, he could do that. Easily. He was adaptable as all hell and he’d be glad to use it for something that made him feel good instead of hollow.
Keigo busily flew the day away. As the afternoon turned to night, the sky going pink and purple with dusk, he settled on top of a taller office building. It looked down on a street market, its smells and sounds wafting up to him on his perch.
It gave him an idea.
A good one.
 You were inspecting your fridge with a grimace. Balancing on your crutches and being counter-weighed by the boot on your foot made your angry stance a whole lot less intimidating, but it was the sentiment that counted.
Several days post-hospital had done a number on your food supply. The fridge was empty except for a few nearly expired items and condiments. The dry shelves weren’t looking much better.
The shrill sound of your ringtone from the couch made your jump, nearly falling. You teetered back over to it, eye-widening at the caller ID. 
 [birdboy] calling...
 Hawks had never called you before.
You quickly picked up the call, “...Hello?”
“Hey, angel!” Hawks was chipper on the other line. “What’re you up to?”
“Currently?” You hummed, turning forlornly to your kitchen. “Thinking about how I either need to order groceries or order dinner before committing to my couch for the rest of the night. Why? You don’t usually call.”
“I don’t,” Hawks’s smile was apparent in his voice, even through the receiver. “But, I had an idea.”
“Shoot.”
“I might just be near a super good takeout spot. How hard would it be for me to convince you to let me drop some food by your place? My treat.”
You didn’t reply for a second.
Stunned.
“Are you sure?”
“More than, dove. I’m off the rest of the night, anyways.”
Oh.
That gave you an idea—
An idea that would surely push the envelope of your feelings.
Let it.
“Okay, I’m in. One condition.” You bit your lip, willing your stomach to seize fluttering.
“You name it. This place is really good and—”
“I have been going a little stir crazy, and,” You cut him off, squeezing your eyes shut in anticipation, “how hard would it be to convince you to come over and stay awhile?”
Hawks was silent.
Your stomach dropped.
“Wait, I-I mean—” You stuttered, trying to gather yourself, but this time Hawks cut you off.
“Like, to hang out?” Hawks sounded shocked on the other line. 
“Yes.” 
You kept your breathing even and prayed it didn’t read over the call. 
“God, dove. I’d love to. I can be over in like ten—”
“Wait,” You fisted the fabric of your sweats. “Can I have a little more time? For myself and my apartment.”
Hawks chuckled on the other end of the line, “Sure, angel. Thirty sound better?”
You let out a sigh of relief, falling on to the back of your couch, “Sounds perfect.”
 Keigo decided to tease a bit, his heart pounding in his chest almost painfully. He knew from day one that you were bold, but this was a treat. He had to spare back, just a little.
“Though, dove, I’m sure you look more than perfect yourself. You always do.” He didn’t wait for your response, either out of fear of what you’d say or being a bit smug, he wasn’t sure.
Keigo hung up the call, burying his face in his gloves to try and stifle the blush on his cheeks, though it hardly helped. 
It didn’t have to.
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 Thirty minutes later and you were mostly sorted.
You managed to throw yourself into the shower, tossing on something half-way decent, but still comfortable. Had to keep it casual. 
Crutching around your apartment, you picked up what clutter you could, mind spinning. Hawks coming over to your fucking apartment filled you with elated, and yet terrifying, anxiety. A few times while cleaning, you legitimately paused to muffle quiet screams in your hand at the prospect.
You felt like you were going to burst.
 Keigo did too, notably. 
He took the time to fly all the way back to his apartment, take the world’s fastest shower, and throw on some clothes other than his costume. Going back to get food, his hands shook as he handed the bills to the starry-eyed vendor who he’d just written an autograph for.
You’d sent a quick text just before he’d left with a description of your balcony, so neither of you would have to figure out how to let him in through the roof. 
As he flew to your place, Keigo felt like he was going to implode.
He didn’t ‘hang out’ with people. Nope, far too busy for anything like that. He was a compulsory workaholic, it was part of his mental brand of being (or, mental ‘branding’, maybe). The closest he got to casual time with folks was the preamble before a hookup or the time he had spent at the tea shop with you. Actually going to spend time with someone, casually, and it was you? It was all new and terrifying.
But, above all? Exciting.
The whole situation opened many doors, all of which Keigo pictured and picked apart as he neared your apartment. There were so many potential situations to appraise and plan for, he felt overwhelmed by it all. 
The opportunity to spend some... time with you outside of the tea shop was a necessity, right? Keigo’s original idea had been to drop off some food and banter for a while, but the idea of spending one of his precious nights off with you was so much better than he could’ve expected. 
Not to mention the warm bit of validation sparked by the fact that you asked him to come over, you wanted him around —
It felt nice.
So nice. 
 You paused, hearing telltale scuffing of someone on your balcony. 
Oh my god. 
He’s here.
Hawks is here.
You gulped, shaking your head.
Don’t you dare chicken out now. Commit, dammit. You’re just... hanging out. With your friend.
Yeah.
A knock on the glass pulled you to the door of your balcony, hobbling to slide it open on your crutches. 
Hawks was happy to push the door the rest of the way open, stepping inside with a bag of takeout slung on his arm.
Your mouth parched, seeing him once again in civilian clothing. Was it... normal to get turned on by the fact that he looked normal? 
As Hawks stepped into your humble apartment, wings tucked tightly to his back, you drank him in, hair ruffled with his clear visor placed on top of his head to push back the windswept front pieces. He wore a white sweater and black trousers complete with heavy black boots that were quickly untied and left by the door.
“You’re staring, you know,” Hawks interrupted your thoughts as you straightened up on your crutches.
Recover.
“Can’t prove that,” You tutted, crutching away from the door. “Also, welcome. Watch out for my cats, they might try to get a mouthful of your feathers.”
“Duly noted,” Hawks clicked his tongue, standing up and following you as you meander to the kitchen. 
 Keigo had to admit that your apartment was relatively... cute. He was used to his own, seldom-used digs. He had a big, uncomfortably nice penthouse with too many disused rooms and too much open space. Fixtures and furniture that were too expensive, probably, but it had been far easier to hire some big-name interior designer and not bother with dealing with it himself. Keigo had trouble keeping many ‘personal’ possessions, anyways. His training with the Commission made him almost revile the thought of keeping unnecessary, material objects, sans a few. 
Your home was the exact opposite. 
Maybe it was that he didn’t know how to have a personal touch that it made your cozy little apartment feel so full of them.
Little photos and artworks on walls or in frames caught Keigo’s eyes as he followed you to the kitchen. He took note of several blankets on the couch, catching sight of the plushie he’d given you at the hospital. Even the lighting of the apartment was personal, diffuse. With how easily overstimulated you became, it made sense that you’d keep your apartment so ambiently dim.
“So, first off, thank you for coming by and delivering dinner. I am eternally grateful,” You bowed dramatically, leaning to flail out a crutch at the motion. “Second, as payment, I’ll make you a drink. Maybe not with my quirk, but I have some of my old tea blends here.”
“It’s the least I could do,” Keigo shrugged, setting the takeout down on the counter while his ever-present grin nearly hurt his face from how relentless it was. “And tea? Show me what you’ve got. Or, should I trust you to pick one out for me?”
You hummed, clicking your tongue before moving across the kitchen to a different set of cabinets, “I think I’ve actually got a good one for you. It’s one of my favorites.”
“Lay on the details, angel,” Keigo hummed, leaning against the lip of the counter. 
 You did have the perfect blend in mind. It wasn’t too old, hardly stale. It would pair as well as a nice tea could with fried takeout, judging by the smells wafting from the bag on the counter.
“It’s one I made for a brunch we catered a few months back. It’s just a white tea raspberry blend, but it’s not delicate. It should stand up to any sort of food you’ve brought. Thank you, by the way.” 
Setting your crutches down, you started to push yourself up onto the counter without thinking much of it, booted-foot going limp off the edge. 
“Of course, anytime— woah, angel,” His voice choked as you wavered on the edge of the counter, off-balance. 
There was a short flap of wings and rush of air as you tried to rebalance, cursing the deadweight of your leg. 
If Hawks hadn’t been directly behind you, you probably would’ve eaten shit.
You turned yourself as far as you could, cheeks going hot.
Hawks’ face was just inches away from yours. That was even to mention the hands hovering around your waist, chest brushing up against your back. 
“S-sorry,” Did he just fucking stutter? “You looked like you were about to eat shit there.”
The words hardly reach you, you were too busy actively telling yourself not to stare at his pretty, plump lips because that is not something friends do. Not the can of worms you needed to open, right?
“I-,” You turned away from him, stretching up to the tea tin that had been out of your reach. “To think you’ve saved me from falling while reaching for loose leaf tea, twice.”
“All in a day's work,” His hands twitched around your sides but hardly shifted until you began to descend from the countertop. In fact, Hawks hardly moved away at all until you were situated back on your crutches.
You pretended not to notice the flush on his cheeks.
Maybe, it was a bit too close. Definitely too close, and bad circumstances, but god, you wanted more and more of him. 
You swallowed your desires down, cracking a smile. 
Be normal.
Be cool!
You shook the tin, leaves and dried fruit rattling inside, “So, cream or sugar?”
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 The two of you ended up on the couch, picking through the several boxes of takeout that Hawks had brought. Most of dinner was spent bantering back and forth about one of Hawks’ newest modeling contracts and if it was ‘ethical’ for him to wear his own feathers for the sake of ‘fashion’?
“So, off-topic from insulting my employment ethics, ” Hawks spoke while munching on a piece of chicken. “You surviving?”
“Barely,” You laughed, setting down your utensils with a huff. “I forget how isolation makes you go a little crazy. I’m running out of dumb shit to watch and even dumber shit to send you.”
Hawks snorted, setting down his own box, having had his fill, “I know you are more than adept at combing the internet for more good shit to send me.”
“I mean, maybe, but you keep sending me juicy photos of you being a dumbass. They’re hard to show up, you know?” You side-eyed him at the birdish tilt of his head.
“You don’t need to show me up, angel,” Hawks reminded you, some feathers packing up what was left of the food. “Though, it’s fun. You’re fun.”
You internally winced at the sentiment but forced the smile on your face not to waver.
It was a needed reminder.
This close to Hawks, you could fucking smell him. Maybe it was a little creepy, but you remembered it so well, after the villain attack. The scent of some sort of spicy cologne and old sweat, but it was hardly unpleasant. No, it was intoxicating. It made you feel almost fuzzy, as it wafted around like some reminder that Hawks and you were so close. 
You thanked the stars that the apartment lacked the stimuli to make your quirk activate on its own. 
Your couch wasn’t very large, and it seemed even smaller with how Hawks had laid his wings over it. They were propped up over the back, outstretched just the smallest bit to relieve some pressure. All the same, the massive feathers made you feel minuscule.
Even the way he was sitting was intoxicating and a bit gut-wrenching. It was casual, the way he leaned back against the far cushions, legs somewhat spread with an ankle over the opposite knee. The pose oozed a weird, untouchable confidence that you hadn’t seen in Hawks in months, maybe ever. At least, not directed at you.
Despite the warm nature of his words, he seemed guarded.
It made your throat dry.
 Keigo was quite on edge. He hadn’t meant to get so close in the kitchen, really, he hadn’t. But, seeing you dangling off the edge of the counter like that, even if it was harmless and mundane, made his entire body and mind react before he could think.
But, you weren’t in any danger. Even if you had been, Keigo would’ve been there to catch you. 
He’d put himself out of it, overthinking the whole thing. You were fine. Safe. 
The other part of his mind spun with how he wanted to be so much closer.
Feeling the warmth of your body, the lines of your waist, the thrum of your heart and breath so fucking close—
It was a lot.
But, he was well-trained and not going to choke. 
He’d shoved himself to the opposite side of the couch to you, keeping his boundaries up, strong as steel and hard as carbon. 
Of course, Keigo knew the feelings were mutual. That didn’t mean that none of this was terrifying in the same way that it was exhilarating. 
As much as he wanted to be closer (so much closer), Keigo remained careful. The last thing in the world he wanted to do was ruin something before it had even truly happened. 
 You sat back against the couch, repositioning your injured leg on the coffee table, “So, thoughts.”
“On?”
You didn’t look at Keigo as you replied, rather glared at your TV, “What to watch?”
“Oh,” You could hear the smile in his voice. “We’re watching something?”
“You tell me. I imagine you don’t get lots of time to do this sort of thing, do you?” 
Hawks didn’t reply for a moment, sitting deeper into the couch, “Not really.”
“Then indulge, tailfeathers,” You tossed the remote in his lap. “Anything, go for it. Go nuts.”
Hawks nearly put on watching a reality cooking show, before you said that that was off-limits, per an odd conversation from way back when where he had admitted to be hot for Gordon Ramsey. He had been a little too vague as to whether or not he would pop a boner from Gordon’s filmed degradations. And truthfully, if anything was gonna give Hawks a hard-on tonight, you were determined for it not to be competitive cooking TV. Maybe, just maybe, you’d rather it be you.
...
Eventually, he settled on some psychological thriller you’d never heard of.
 Keigo hadn’t either. 
He was glad that you couldn’t hear his heart in the same way he heard your’s pounding.
Out of the corner of his eye, he watched you crutch around, turning the already dim lights lower.
Calm the down, Hawks. 
Calm the fuck down.
He’d never even done this before. Keigo wasn’t sure how to handle the situation, even if it was as simple as watching a film.
It would’ve been simpler if the tension in the air was thick and foggy, clouding over his consciousness as he tried to focus on anything other than your nearness and how much he wanted to drag you into his lap. 
 …
 His feathers fluttered as you plopped back onto the couch, pulling a blanket over your lap and offering one to him.
He took it, settling it over his lap as the movie went on.
 You weren’t an idiot. You could feel the blood rushing in your hot ears as you fisted the blanket over your legs. 
Your mind spoke a lot louder than you wanted it to:
Just fucking do it.
 Do what exactly?
 The paramount thought that was causing anxiety to twirl in your gut.
Maybe, you could just tell him how you felt.
Maybe just hold his hand.
Maybe get fucking rejected because he’s out of your league and out of bounds.
Maybe even kiss him—
 You were torturing yourself, the movie just background noise to your internal dilemma.
You’d asked him to your apartment and Hawks had bought you fucking dinner. That wasn’t a lot, sure, maybe, but there were also the months of lead-up. 
There were all of the cold mornings and cheeky grins you gave each other in the waking coffee shop. There were the fuzzy jokes, the lingering glances, and the tight feeling you got in your chest whenever he graced you with mere eye contact.
It felt like you were already in too deep to not be honest about how you felt towards him. Fuck, you’d been in too deep for months. Every time you made him a damn drink, you wanted to just drink him in. You were all fluttering hearts and sweet smiles for him in a way that you couldn’t suppress, only squash in moments of such intense anxiety like this—
“Hey, dove?” It was Hawks, shocking you from your turmoil with a soft voice. “Are you alright?”
“Y-yeah, I’m good.” Your reply was curt and clipped. 
Make a decision now.
Pull the bandage off, (Y/N). 
It’ll just be worse, the longer you wait.
Maybe Hawks did just want to fuck with some cute feelings, the seemingly longing looks be damned. Yeah, you liked him way more than for just a fuck, that was obvious and unavoidable. Besides, it’d be better to know than to not know, right?
 “You sure? If the movie’s too much, we can turn it off,” Hawks sounded genuinely concerned from the other side of the couch.
...
You committed, taking a deep breath and turning to Hawks. 
 “It’s not that,” You looked at the couch between the two of you, tracing the seam of the cushion. “The movie’s fine.”
“Then, you’re not feeling great for another reason?” Keigo asked, feeling each of your breaths and heartbeats like bass drums in his ears. He hides the shaking of his hands by crossing them over his chest. “You can talk to me, (Y/N).”
“Can I?” You asked, shaking your head and laughing at yourself. “Hawks, I need to do something really fucking stupid.”
Holy fuck.
Are they—
“What’s that?” 
His voice was smaller than he wanted it to be.
 “Fuck, Hawks,” You finally forced yourself to look at him, taking in his guarded posture and pained expression. 
Your heart sank.
“I just need to be honest with you.”
Hawks’s brow soured, lips twitching, “Go for it, dove.”
You laughed, maybe trying to soothe yourself, “It’s probably is just, so fucking stupid, all things considered.”
You ran a hand through your hair, biting your lip between sentences and willing yourself to just get it out—
 “Hawks, I like you. A lot.”
 He still didn’t say anything and you could feel shards of your heart drive into your lungs.
You forced yourself to look up at him, smiling with the slight release of tension in your sternum, however painful. 
“I know, we’re just friends, right? I’m just the barista and you’re my special, pro hero regular. I know I’m overstepping right now, but it feels unfair for me to not be honest with you.”
 Keigo already knew this, right? He knew how you felt, fuck, he’d felt how you felt. He just wasn’t prepared for the exploding and thrumming in his chest when you told him with your sweet lips and kind words.
Why did it feel so different when you were smiling at him like you were in pain and telling him so fucking honestly with your words?
It was the thing about you that he admired the most, that candor in your tone and the grin in your cheeks as you spoke so.
But, your smile was falling, leaving watery-looking eyes. 
“Hawks, I like you. Way too much for friends, and I needed to say something.” 
Keigo’s mouth was dry.
For the first time in so fucking long, he was genuinely speechless.
He couldn’t recall a time in his life anyone had spoken so earnestly to him, just you. Just you, you, you— casually, over and over again, you talked to him like he was something real and something to be cared for. It was subtle, but it was one of the many things that made him want you closer. 
Yet, despite all his bundled up desires, he was lost for words.
“I’m sorry—”
He stopped you, “(Y/N), please don’t apologize.”
“But—” 
“(Y/N).”
 Hawks’ voice was sharp. It made the expression on your face rapidly fall.
He looked at you with rapt attention, arms uncrossing from his chest.
He turned to you on the couch, feathers fluffed up and twitching.
Your nose stung as Hawks, all pretty golds and ambers, shook out an exhale and balled up the blanket in his lap.
“Hawks—”
“Why would you need to be sorry?”
Hawks looked at you with wide eyes, brow creased. His shoulders were... shaking?
Your head spun, leg aching, “... What do you mean?”
Hawks finally met your gaze, giving you the sweetest, saddest smile you’d ever seen, “Dove, you’re acting like there’s no way I could feel the same way.”
Every cell in your body stuttered.
“You’ve done it since we’ve met.”
Hawks scooted closer on the cushions of the couch.
“You’ve always acted like there’s just no way I could like you, give a shit about you—”
He moved a bit closer.
You couldn’t make yourself move.
“You want to know the truth?”
You creaked out a nod.
 Keigo couldn’t help the way he went to cup your cheeks in his hands, thumbs rubbing along the apples of your cheeks. You lean into his touch, just like at the hospital, despite the blend of absolute fear and confusion in your expression.
“How could I not care about you, dove?” And it finally came out. “I care about so much— dove, I don’t know what to fucking say.”
That made you speechless, lips parting just the slightest bit as Hawks continued, losing composure with his morphing expressions. 
He wet his lips, swallowing, “Dove, I’ve never—any of this. I-I don’t know what o-or how to say any of what I want to right now.”
You speak before thinking.
“Show me, if you don’t know how to say it.”
 The idea seemed so novel as Keigo ran a thumb over your bottom lip, pulling it from between your teeth. He met your gaze with the gooiest, sweetest look you’d ever seen in your life, “You want me to?”
“Please.”
It was all the two of you had wanted for a while now, right?
“If I kiss you, I’m not ever gonna be able to make this go away, am I?” Keigo was speaking to himself, just above his breath. But, you were more than close enough to hear him. 
“Hey, Hawks? I don’t know if we can make ‘this’ try to go away.” You grabbed one of the hands cupping your face, pulling it away, only to shakily press in your lips to the bones on the back of it. “I don’t want to anymore.”
“Y-you gotta stop being so sweet, (Y/N)—”
Neither of you could wait a moment longer.
Your arms wrapped around Keigo’s shoulder. In the same motions, he pulled you closer by your waist, dragging you finally closer to him.
He held your jaw like you were the most precious thing in the world. Because, truthfully, you were to him. The sentiment was shared Deeply. 
Your lips pressed together and the long-held tensions in your chests mutually shattered, dissolving in the honeyed touch of each other’s genuine attention. 
You angled your head perfectly, Keigo’s hand guiding you as his mouth worked against yours. It wasn’t a particularly steamy sort of affair, but by god, it wasn’t in any way chaste. Not with the tight grip and thumbing on your ribs. Not with the way your hands tangled in the soft (holy fuck, soft) hair at the base of Keigo’s skull. 
You both tasted each other's sweetness, craving more of it after denying yourselves of it for so long. It was white-hot, exploding behind your eyes, even as your quirk remained dormant. Keigo was honey and cream and smoked spices all dancing across your palette.
To Keigo? You were sweet, cool water over a hot burn. You were the heat of a hearth rolling over him on the coldest of days. He swears that in the first moments he finally got to be close to you, and over and over again— he finally understood how your quirk worked.
There was no way that finally feeling you, feeling you as he felt you, could be described with just five senses.
You pulled away first, gasping for breath and arching your back into him. You lingered as close as you could, pressing your forehead to Keigo’s while your breaths mingled. You didn’t dare stray far.
“Was that enough to show you?” Keigo asked, breathless. He kept a wide hand against your back, urging you with a bit of soft pressure to put your weight into it. You complied, settling in his hold as Keigo stroked at your hot cheeks.
You nodded, beaming up at him with that sunny smile of yours. It never failed to make heat burn through Keigo and god, did it feel good to finally let it unabashed.
“I take it, you like me too, huh,” You smiled, looking a bit embarrassed. 
“Very much, very much,” Keigo repeated, pressing a kiss to your nose (he’d always wanted to do that). “So much, (Y/N). I apologize for not saying anything sooner. This is just...”
“New to you, right?” You finished his sentence, thumbing along the back of his neck in a way that made Keigo just melt. “It’s been a while for me too, if it makes you feel better.”
“It does, dove. Thank you.” Keigo let out a deep breath, shaking his head against yours. “I’m sorry I didn’t say anything sooner.”
 “It’s alright, same goes for me,” As much as you needed to adjust due to the angle of your recovering leg, you couldn’t make yourself do it. You were so wonderfully close to Hawks, you never wanted to move. 
“If we’re being honest, then I need to be honest with you,” Hawks met your eyes, his expression going a little dimmer. 
You braced for the worst. 
He picked up your shift easily, finally able to express how quickly he caught your mood after so long of being attuned to it. 
“Oh wait, no, (Y/N), nothing terrible, I promise,” Hawks rubbed at your sides. “It’s about the miel.”
“The... miel?” You cocked your head to the side, confused, recalling the drink somewhat hazily. “The drink I made you on the day of... the attack?”
Hawks gave you a tense smile, “That one, yeah. Remember how you said it was just based on your ambient feelings?”
“Uh-huh.” You let confusion lace your tone until it slowly started to dawn on you.
“You made the drink, ambiently, around me—”
Your eyes widened, mouth falling open, “Oh my god, Hawks, did my feelings for you get in the drink?”
Hawks graced you with a sweet, sympathetic smile, fingers tucking at the hair around your ear, “They did, dove. I’ve kind of known for a few days, it just hasn’t been the time or setting to say something. I apologize.”
“N-no, it’s okay, I totally understand,” You sighed into his grip. “I really thought it might be something worse.”
“Consider your worries assuaged,” Hawks hummed, eyes drifting to your boot. He deadpanned suddenly. “On a scale of one to ten, how bad does your leg hurt right now?”
 Fairly bad, considering. You were half on your knees, the booted leg twisted awkwardly while still raised to the coffee table. This wasn’t even to mention the arch of your back so you could be all that closer to Hawks.
The pain of the position was easy to forget; you were still shaking from kissing Hawks just once. 
“Uh, maybe like a seven, once I can feel anything other than how good you felt just now,” you hummed, grinning up at Hawks as his face went bright red.
The infinite pleasure you received, making him blush so sweetly. 
He shook it off, squeezing your sides, “Cute. Very cute. Mutually returned sentiment, but let’s adjust.”
You nodded but didn’t have much time to react as a bundle of Hawks’s feathers lifted you every which way, albeit incredibly gently. All said and done, he was fully upright against the back of the couch. With the support of a feather or two, Hawks’s arms tugged you into his lap. Your legs stretched to the side, the booted one immediately propped up by a feather-supplied pillow.
You both settled yourselves, blushing and leaning on each other now that you finally were allowing yourself to. 
Keigo fully wrapped his arms around you, pulling you tight against him. One of his wings even shifted to drape over one his shoulder, sheltering the two of you in a canopy of a crimson. Keigo let his hands wander over your hips, not seeking anything more than blessed attention and heat. You gave it all to him, tucking your face into his collarbone, drowning in the scent that made you feel at home. 
Keigo pressed his lips to your crown and legitimately shuddering.  
He spoke to himself, so faintly and quietly, you hardly caught it, “I’ve wanted to do this for so long.”
There was melancholy in his voice, but you were quick to strip it away.
You brushed your lips along his jaw, savoring the way he held you tighter, “I have too. Can we do this more?”
“Anytime, dove. Anytime.”
“Right now sound good?”
You withdrew to beam up at him as you were so good at doing, only to be smothered by craving-satiating kisses anywhere Keigo could get to. The sweet, high laughter that he dripped onto you made your heart burst all over again.
And you finally, finally fell into the other sweetly, warmly, and properly. 
||||||||||||||||||
taglist: @thepandapopo @hawksexual @sinclairsamess @darcia22 @inhalingsoysauce @yee-fxcking-haw
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unremarkable-house · 4 years ago
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warning: grief beyond the cut
about 3 months ago,my dad gave me a few big bags of clothes of my late mother’s as he was finally getting around to cleaning out her closet. it’s been 3+ years of him still living with all her stuff around him and i’m proud of him for taking that difficult step! i asked for her sweaters and comfy pants and what not since it’s been ages since i’ve been to a thrift store or clothes swap and i was aching for some new cozy gear heading into another vt winter. he was happy to give me first dibs and then we would make sure the rest of her coats and nice clothes went to people in need back in her community. which sounded really good until the clothes showed up. so then i had these huge bags of my mom’s clothes for a while, stuffed into a corner. absolutely haunting me. and i am struck by two blows... 
1) a lot of the clothes still have tags on them. which is not surprising because my mom and dad are recreational shoppers and hitting up kohl’s was a common activity for them. but. she was sick for two long years and in that time she went from being a little chubby to really, really skinny and there is all of these tiny pieces of clothes in the bags he gave me with the tags still on. which means she went shopping while she was nearing the end of her time and was still buying clothes with the intention of wearing them one day. thing is. i always had it in my head that she knew that she wasn’t going to get better. the cancer kept spreading and even though we stayed “optimistic”, it never really looked good. my mom was aggressively pragmatic so i assumed she, having never been afraid of her own death, just the deaths of the people she loved, knew that she wasn’t gonna make it out of this but kept on a hopeful face, for my dad especially, who fought by her side every single step of the way. but now i have these brand new, tiny, sick-person clothes with the tags still on that have me imagining a time shortly before she died where she was buying herself new clothes, like the kind of sweaters she would wear to work as a librarian, not accepting she would never get to wear them. so maybe she was hopeful. maybe even as the cancer spread and started breaking her bones and after the seizures started, she really thought she was gonna get better. and that notion just breaks my heart. it breaks my heart. 
2) my mom used to buy me a bunch of clothes for christmas. utilitarian stuff like socks, plain long-sleeve shirts, pajama pants. setting aside the fact that she died on christmas and that christmas is now ruined for a long while, i’m finding myself more and more attached to the clothes that i still have that i know she picked out for me. i know it’s materialistic, but it’s painful to think about how there will be a time when i won’t have any of the things she gave me anymore. it’s always been kinda special to me to have these clothes she picked out especially for me! and then here’s these big bags of clothes of hers! it’s like the last gift of clothes from her i’ll ever get. and it was hellish to decide what to keep and what to give away. honestly, i know i kept way, way too much of it but it’s just really hard, especially with the lightly worn things that i knew she had on her body a few times. or those new, hopeful clothes she bought for herself before she died. or just thinking a happy little thought like, oh, mom saw this cute sweater in a store, tried it on, and thought it looked cute on her! and even though i haven’t even washed them all yet, i know it’s going to be SO HARD to even wear them, lest i stain them or ruin them in some way. which, like, all my clothes are stained and ripped because my live revolves around landscaping, cleaning, renovating, playing in swamps and barns, and living in an uninsulated, dilapidated old cabin. so when am i going to have a reason to wear a nice white sweater anyway? so am i setting myself up to further my grief by having a shrine of untouchable “nice” clothes in my closet for the rest of my days? never able to wear them or get rid of them???
welp. at least i was able to cross this monumentally emotional task off my to-do list and move on from the mountain of clothes staring at me from the corner of my room. im excited to (try and) wear a few of the sweaters this weekend. including this one really cute oatmeal colored one that has these trendy slits way up the side! it made me giggle to think about my mom picking it out for herself. it’ll look good with a pair of high-waisted leggings tho and hopefully when i see myself in the mirror wearing it, i can think of her and smile. 
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nothing1995 · 6 years ago
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the main issue is ! that there are many issues! like....
1. its autumn/going into winter and i have since the tender age of liek 15 always always always got worse during winter like.. no matter what i do no matter the SAD lamps the WINTER SUN holidays.... i always jsut slow down i sleep n eat more i just feel lower sadder slower and like... if i was settled into a job im comf in and earning ite money this winter might be manageable cause im truly changed from last year and even year before that.... i can do sobriety now mostly.... however!!!! autumn/winter have come at the worst time because!!
2. I start my new job in 2 weeks which is gonna involve.... being on top form every day for at least a month.... meeting new ppl... remmebering things... being able to do things... ive never had a proper job liek this and esp one thats in the career i want to do so like.... im terrified! oh and only now it hit me... kinda excited i guess cause like... it might also be fun?? bc its what i wanna do ... interesting... but mainly. terrifying and i hate it and i wish i got it like start of summer when i was a fuckin... maniac with 1000% energy ... im v scared imma fuck it up or idk? jsut hate it? or not fit in or like whateve,r ... and i had non eof these fears in the summer cause guess what bitch i thought i was the SHIT and now am like ://// and this might be due to!
3. this stupid fucking break up with this emotionally stunted.... angry moody tterrible caricature of masculinity that i wasted like... 1.25 months on and left me feeling just kinda err shit about myself self conchesly even tho consciously i realise like.... im still good and itnersting and attractive but he er. made me feel not that ... but tbh i had the self esteem to acc leave him and thats kinda saying something... but also he fucked my fucking MONEY UP!! because!!
4. i had jsut started sugaring when i met him and was tbh happy with my arrangement and was having good emotionally unattached sex and not worrying about food or money or emotions and then i fuckijng had to cut my SD off bc this bitchass wanted to be excluuuuusive even tho tbh i never did and now i gotta like. go crawling back to my sd like i tbh told him i would but ive gained weight bc of SAD so i need to lose some weight before going back and like... tbh im rly not in emotionally stable state to go back rn feel like im on verge of breakdown all the time and wanna drink badly and also really badly not wanna drink and its all v hard because !!! its all !!! just small reasons when compared to the main reason everything is so hard!!!!!! 
literally how do u cope when ur bro is in the icu and you thought mb he’s getting better cause he was doing better on friday and stable on saturday but u phone the hosp this morning and he’s got a lung infection and the icu doc speciically said he sees a full recoery unless something out of the blue happens and then boom this happens!!! i was on the bus to work already p miserable and then that phone call and it was like... i kept welling up to cry and then just couldnt like id just choke i been crying for a couple days but i havent cried today and i can feel it already fucking me up but i honestly cant....... cry any more !!! i’m upping my sert dose a lil bit for the seasonal blues but also bc otherwise i might lose my damn mind lmfao 
one thing tho is. im keep being like wow err im really not emotionally mentally equipped to handle this like.. i was just about coping with it being winter and starting anew job and a break up from a kinda ... not to use the word but toxic relationship.... like iw as kinda ok...... unsteady and awkwar dbut ok. and then this stupid hospitalisation came and just!!! rocked my damn world!!! like it truly is .... how poor ppl can just about get by as long as nothing crazy happens... mental ppl and addicts who are doing better in general can jsut about get by with day to day hard things without like. something major happening.. cause noahfence this series of events would knock even a normal person down so like..... me... a humble addict borderline........ feels like i have v low chances.... and i think internalising that self-defeating language isn’t helping things and imma try be more upbeat tomorrow..... this is just... the sunday night talking hopefully... tho tbh i been sad for like.. 2 weeks now ... and dissociation level/super sad/mental since thursday so ! lets hope for some HOPE!
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Text
Power Rangers (Short Story)
I shivered and grasped onto the chipped paint of the windowsill. I did my best not to rattle the glass. I tried to calm the tremors in my legs. I listened for the familiar tune. Alex turned the TV on and looked through his window at me knowingly. Go Go Power Rangers, broke the silence.
Finally, it was Saturday morning, and my power rangers were here to kick ass. I wish I were brave like they were.
Our little ritual had started a few months ago. Alex was to proud to admit he was a power rangers fan but I had seen the proof.  
His readjusted his bag and the action figure fell to the floor. The pink ranger, it was covered in scrapes and the paint was faded from overuse. I sauntered over to his chair, filled with glee.  
"Whats that Alex?" I asked with a switchblade smile.
"N-n-nothing Sarah go away," He nervously stammered.  
"Oh I think its something," I taunted. I reached forward and snatched the action figure away before he had a chance to retrieve it. At 11 years old I was already taller than the boys in my class. So I held the figure up over his head.  
Obviously trying to look like this wasn't bothering him he whispered, "What do you want Sarah?"
"What do you have to offer?" I said, drunk on unfamiliar power. I swiped my curly hair over my shoulder dramatically.
"Ill give you my fruit snacks every day for a week." He was starting to get red in the face and his freckles darkened with embarrassment.
"Nah I don’t want that. I think I'll keep the action figure." I started to walk away.
"No! Please! If I lose that my Mom will be so mad! Please Sarah!"  
Wondering how best to benefit from the situation I thought until an idea the size of Czechia hatched in my brain.
"Do you watch power rangers on Saturday?"
"Yeah duh, why?" He asked.
"Where do you live?"
"Two blocks behind the old hardware store on main street."  
I took a minute to think then proposed a trade. "I'll give you this back and I won't tell anybody if on Saturday morning I get to watch Power Rangers at your house."
His face scrunched. "You can't do that. My mom says I'm not allowed to hang out with you because your mom's a w-hore." He whispered the last word knowing it wasn’t allowed and placed an unnecessary accent on the w.  
"Ya well I don't give a shit what you mom thinks. Do you want this back or not?" I asked as I began to walk away.
"Yeah fine ok, but you have to stay outside. You can watch through my window."  
"I can't hear the words from out there," I whined.
"Ugh, I'll have my mom put on the little words at the bottom."  
I paused, thinking about the offer.  
"Why can't you just watch it at your house?" He offered. "Or are you too poor for a TV?"  
Actually we were too poor for a house but the little shit didn't need to know that much.
"My sister spilled juice on the TV and we have to get a new one." Hopefully I could remember that lie if I was questioned about it later. Just then another kid walked up and looked right at the Power Ranger action figure.  
"Is that your doll?" The chubby redhead asked spitting through her heavy lisp, looking right at Alex. "Tharah is tho poor she can't afford thoap that’s why the always thmells like dogthss."  
Alex looked at me with fear in his eyes. He knew his social life was over if anyone found out that he was 12 years old and still watched Power Rangers. I looked at him and the fiery little demon to our right.  
"Actually its an action figure and it is mine. So why you don’t you fuck off TTHHeeeeeTHHicaaa!" I spat her name so hard I thought I was going to spit out a river.
After the spit hit her face she decked me good right in the jaw and walked off. I handed the action figure to Alex and walked off in a huff. The teacher looked over and saw the red splotch on my face and a disgustingly pleased Jessica. She looked away.  
"Ill leave it in the bathroom later and you can go in after me and get it, that way no one knows its yours," I said. "Why do you bring it to school if you don’t want people to know it's yours?"  
He mumbled something then looked at me.  
"If those were words I did not understand them."  
He mumbled again this time a little louder but still too soft for me to understand.
"If you don’t want to answer you can just tell me to shove off," I said, confused.
His face had matched the orange- red of his bowl cut. "Because she makes me feel brave!" It was an aggressive whisper but at least I understood.  
"Not brave enough to be honest apparently," I retorted.  
"Look its different for boys!" He said. He was starting to get upset so I didn’t push farther. "Boys aren't allowed to like girly things, and boys have to be brave all the time." He readjusted his khaki shorts and sat back down and looked at the ground.  
"I don’t know a lot about you, but I do know that if the power rangers were here right now, they would want you to be yourself. Even if it makes a you little girly whatever that even means." I began to walk away. "See you Saturday kat."  
He tried to obscure the smile on his face after hearing the nickname. Katrina was the pink rangers name, apparently his favorite.  
*
I watched frozen like the landscape around me as the show finished, thankful. Even if the show was ending. Even if I had to stand barefoot in early winter. The credits began to roll and I was about to head "home" when I saw Kat moving around inside. I had continued to call him Kat. Even if we didn’t really hang out because of his mother.
He held up his hands for me to wait and I was confused but I humored him. He searched through some bags in his room and pulled a grocery bag out and slowly opened his window.  
"You cant tell anyone about this ok?" He whispered.
"About what, you got drugs in there? Im not a cartel kid," I joked.
"No you dunce, just take it." He handed me a grocery bag and said, "Don't open it until you get home." Then we heard his mother coming so he shut the window and I took off down the street. I didn’t stop running until I got back to where I had been sleeping.
I opened the bag and the first thing I pulled out was a new pair of socks and sneakers. They were..... my size? Taped to the inside of the shoe box was a letter.  
Sarah,
I don’t know how to write letters so this will be short. I know you don’t have a house. Im not stupid like you. And I noticed your shoes fell apart because your poor. So I had my mom buy me a new pair and you can have them. I don’t know if you know this but Power Rangers is over now which means that you probably shouldn’t hang out, outside my house at 6 am anymore. When you started coming over I wasn't very happy about it but since then I decided that I sorta kinda like you I guess. And I was wondering if you wanted to be friends.
Alex
I laughed. I lauhged so ahrd I thought I was gonna break. I laughed until my whole body shook and tears shed from my eyes. I laughed at the idea of us being friends. I laughed because... well because I was happy, and I didn’t know what else to do.
I took a second to try on the socks and shoes and before I could stop myself  and I started sobbing. They were so warm. And comfy. I'd never had new shoes before. At least none that I didn’t have to steal. I sat weeping for a few minutes then noticed there was something else in the bag and a backside to the letter.  
I pulled the Pink Ranger action figure out of the bag and read the rest of the letter.  
P.S
I don’t need this anymore so I thought I would give it to you. I thought I needed her to be brave but since I met you, I wanna be brave on my own. I guess you don't completely suck.
Alex..... (again, I told you I don't know how to write letters.)
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sugaabooga · 7 years ago
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lowkey part-timer!Jisung
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Pairing: Yoon Jisung x Reader
Genre: Fluff, Christmas-themed, bullet-point scenario
Summary: A Christmas romance sparks between you and the cute, bubbly part-timer in your local grocery store.
Warnings: None
A/N: First story in the Christmas-themed scenarios I’m doing! I’m hoping I’ll be able to finish all of the rest 17 scenarios by Christmas!
Jisung was the cute part-timer at your local grocery store
He’s been working as the cashier in aisle 8 after he’s graduated from uni after he couldn’t find a job that pays decently
He decided to stay in his hometown, after suffering in a totally new city, and got a part-time job as a cashier that paid pretty well
You on the other hand, bought your own studio after moving out of your hometown
Your job as a photographer caused you move out and go to other places rather than your small town that always made you feel caged
You were putting together all your pictures you had taken the past week since you had to put out a new project soon
You decided to take a break and have a quick lunch then walk around to the parts of the city that you hadn’t been able to see yet
When you come out of your studio with all your necessities, you realize that a bunch of people were putting up Christmas decor and trees around their shops
It was Christmas? Already?
You celebrated Christmas, for you were a religious person, but you never got the whole holiday spirit type of thing
You didn’t really enjoy Christmas songs or the cold really
when you came out of your house you had only slipped on a thin cardigan with your camera and everything in your purse
You hated the cold
You had once been locked out of your house one winter and had to wait outside until your parents got back home from work
You were practically frozen when your dad discovered you covering your body with the welcome mat
So yah you had a trauma of the cold
You quickly take some pictures of the snow and all the people getting on ladders to decorate the light posts and rooftops
You smile at your work and skip down the sidewalk to the farther parts of town
You find yourself in front of a market which you had never seen before even when you were driving around when you first came
Maybe it was new?
You went in since you were hungry anyway and they most likely had samples
Meanwhile, Jisung was helping some of the other workers take out boxes and such, since no one was really in the lines
You were eating some of the sample dumplings when you see a chip bag fall
You’re about to pick it up when you feel more chip bags falling on you
You lift up your arms to shield yourself and let out a small shriek
You lose your balance when a heavy box falls on you
“OMG I’M SO SORRY! ARE YOU OKAY!?!? OMG OMG!”
You’re ready to give the guy a piece of your mind
But then all your thoughts are lost bc
Wow
This guy was cute
He was almost pouting while putting the bags back in the box
He noticed that you were standing back up so he quickly got up and bowed to you
“I’m so sorry….I-I didn’t see you there!”
You’re about to tell him it’s okay, but then suddenly a man who seemed like the manager came storming over
“YOON JISUNG!? WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? JUST BC IT’S ALMOST CHRISTMAS TIME IT DOESN’T MEAN YOU SHOULD LOSE YOUR WORKING MENTALITY! YO-”
“It’s fine! It was my fault! I suddenly stepped in front of him while he was passing.”
You defend jisung and he’s actually really surprised!?!?
Bc a normal person would be complaining w/the manager
And it would end up w/jisung mopping the floors or something
Yea this wasn’t the first time jisung caused trouble lol
But here you were LYING so he wouldn’t get in trouble
The manager is left speechless bc he kinda looks down on Jisung
So he storms away annoyed
Jisung glances at his furious manager then thanks you
“This isn’t the first time this happened & i prob would’ve gotten fired. thank you so much”
You grin bc omg he was so cute?
His santa hat was about to fall off so you reach over and straighten it up
Making jisungs cheeks turn soo red you thought he was gonna burst
You leave after that whole incident and you come back a week later
You just couldn’t get jisung out of your mind
You were sorta hoping to see him somewhere around the area where you live but no luck:P
So you just decided to go to his workplace yourself
When you entered, you were really shocked bc it was reallyyyyy busy
There were so many more ppl than last time
It was prob bc Christmas was now a week away
And ppl just buy presents last minute ya know
They were also preparing more food for family&friends so yah
You grab a pack of gum and head to the shortest line which was aisle 8
You were looking at your pics that you took earlier and that’s when you hear a familiar voice greet the elderly woman in front of you
You look up w/hope that it was Jisung and boi oh boi yes it was
This time he was wearing a headband w/reindeer ears that were somehow slightly slanted
After he greets the woman in front of you goodbye he turns to you with a smile then it falters when he notices
Wow it’s that really cute girl that defended me from my devil-ish manager
You just politely smile, not knowing if he remembered you since you were irrelevant ya know
But then he totally remembers you bc
“OMG IM SO GLAD TO SEE YOU AGAIN! DO YOU REMEMBER ME? AH~ AGAIN, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SAVING ME FROM GETTING FIRED!”
“......uh...no problem?”
He grins and tries to make small talk w/you which is cute aha
Even tho you’re only buying one pack of gum
He somehow takes ten minutes to scan the barcode and charge you ???
I can’t with jisung he’s such a cute, underappreciated bean
You were in the middle of a very intense convo about beavers so you decide to meet him at a nearby coffee shop on Christmas Eve (may or may not be where barista!daniel works but you should go check it out :P shameless self-promo)
Both of you forget to give ea. other your numbers
But hopefully both of you will remember about that date meeting
AND YOU DO
fate really is on your side
You enter the coffee shop at like 6pm bc you weren’t sure if you guys decided the exact time to meet
You guys didn’t lol
But ya know
Fate will bring the two of you together right?
You wait for thirty minutes, but still no Jisung
You’re starting to think that he forgot, but then remembered he had a shift that ends at 9pm
Idk how you knew that but...it works
so you decide to just sit there and sip on some drinks
you take pictures and all
You’re so immersed into taking pictures of everything around the whole shop, that you don’t notice the timid and nervous looking man entering the now, almost empty cafe
You’re frowning at the picture you just took when you feel a tap on your shoulder
You turn around to see Jisung with a sorry, but excited grin on his face
You greet him with a wide smile as he apologizes how he didn’t know what time he had to come
He starts to ramble and you shush him
Like why does this guy say ‘sorry’ so many times?
“It’s fine. We both forgot to say a time to meet up. Besides, I wasn’t here that long”
He seems a tiny bit less sorry so the two of you start the convo about the beavers again
The talk about beavers went to zoos then went to how your lives went then led to your jobs, your interests, your hobbies, what that girl was wearing, blah blah blah
You felt like you really had a connection w/jisung
The two of you, as cliche as it may sound, clicked immediately
It only felt like five minutes passed, but the coffee shop owner had to kick you guys out since it was thirty minutes past closing time
You swap numbers this time and plan to meet each other at the same place tmrw @ 7pm for the annual Christmas tree lighting at downtown
Both of you lived alone and you suggested “why not have the loners meet up on Christmas Day?”
Jisung didn’t have work and you didn’t want to stress about your projects, so the two of you had agreed
As you walk back home you cant help but feel so giddy
How was a man having this much of an effect on you?
BECAUSE YOU HAVE A THING FOR HIMMMM
You smile at all the snow piling up and gape at how beautiful everything seemed
You have never felt so excited for Christmas
The next day comes by SO SLOWLYYYY
You weren’t able to sleep from the anxiousness and expectation you had for the next day so you were sorta tired
But you got dressed in simple clothing and went out for a walk and to buy Jisung a Christmas present
You didn’t know what he liked since you literally starte talking to him a wk ago
So you settle for some Christmas-themed socks, beanie, a pair of house slippers, and a gift card to the coffee shop you had been at yesterday
As you walk in and out of stores, you couldnt help but sing along to the Christmas carols that were playing
which you had never done b4
you did a double take and stopped singing, but you found urself humming along to “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas”
And you also couldn’t help but oogle at all the stuffed animals that filled the walls
They were SO CUTEEE AND FLUFFYYYY
One of the stuffed ducks reminded you a lot of Jisung so you decided to buy it
You bought a lot of things, but they were all for a decent price so :))
It gets really dark really soon and it’s 6pm
ONE MORE HOUR TILL YOU MET JISUNG
You hurry back home and quickly dress in layers since it was going to be collldddd
The weather forecast said there was a 99.99999999% it was going to snow, so you couldn’t risk it
Even tho the weather forecast is always wrong
You pack your camera again bc you were planning to create a Christmas themed project nxt
As you run out the door you send Jisung a txt saying that you’ll be right there since it was five minutes till seven
When you arrive in the warm shop, your glasses immediately fog up causing you to groan
You try to fan the fog away but to no avail:)
Then you hear a big laugh and you turn to sorta make out a figure that looks like Jisung
He takes the end of his sleeve and cleans your glasses and you’re met with the brightest smile you have ever seen in your whole entire life
Maybe that’s when you fell for him
Tho it was a person you had known for a little over a week
You felt like you knew Jisung since you were a kid
He hands you a cup of peppermint hot chocolate and pulls you along to get a good view of the Christmas tree b4 too much ppl come along
You get there just in time and wait a few moments until the announcer comes out onto the podium
You and Jisung both cheer as the five minute countdown starts
The minutes go by so quickly and you jump up and down to keep yourself warm
Then you see a few snowflakes falling on Jisung
You both look up to see that ITS SNOWINGGGGGGG
The whole crowd of people ooh and ahh
And some kids squeal in glee
You softly smile and get out your camera to take a few shots of the falling snow
When you’re done there’s a minute left on the clock
You suddenly remember your present for Jisung and quickly get it out and hand it to him
“Merry Christmas!”
Jisung gasps and says ‘thank you’ in such a genuine way that it fills your heart w/pure happiness
He then shuffles around his backpack and takes out a large box that’s prob filled w/similar things as you gave him
You start to hear the announcer countdown from 10
ten
And that’s when Jisung starts to speak
“H-Hey, Y/N?”
Nine
“Hmm?”
Eight
“I know it’s been only like two weeks since we met”
Seven
But I can tell you’re such a nice person, ever since the day I first saw you”
Six
“You’re such a great person…and….uh”
You furrow your brows
What was he trying to say?
Five
“We have so many things in common than I thought we would”
Four
“I really thought i would get fired that day i dropped the chip bags on you”
You smile at the memories as the crowd gets louder and louder as the time to light the tree get closer
Three
“A-And ever since I saw you....Y/N...I uh”
You roll your eyes at his weird stalling
Two
“JISUNG! SPIT IT OUT!”
He looks at you w/wide eyes
One
“I-I LIKE YOU!”
The crowd erupts in cheers and claps w/kids screaming and laughing at the lights that shown brightly
The announcer shouts “now go home!” with a hearty laugh
Jisung stands in front of you with his hand clamped over his mouth
You stay silent and stare at him in shock
What were you supposed to say?
Sure you liked him, but you weren’t sure if you wanted to date someone you had known for a week
“T-THAT CAME OUT WRONG!”
you tilt your head in confusion
“What?”
“I don’t like you! NO NO I DO LIKE YOU! B-BUT-”
You burst out laughing at his panic
“I like you too, Jisung! But how bout having our first official date after getting to know each other a bit longer than a week?”
And the two of you stand in front of each other w/goofy smiles on your faces, in front of the glimmering, 30ft tall Christmas tree, underneath the moonlight in the gently falling snow
dang this was pretty bad lol
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medullah-oblongata · 8 years ago
Text
January 8, 2017 - 4:56 PM
- Okay, so we continued talking all of winter break, even though I tried cutting him off once but it didn’t work because I missed talking to him lmfao - That day I returned to him, he was at a hall party and he told me how he told his cousin about me and that shit’s not going anywhere because of pind shit, but then his cousin told him that if we are not related, it shouldn’t matter and that he thinks it’s just an excuse to not go out with me - but then he said that’s legit the only reason - we’ve had some difficult conversations and then again on nye I’m like maybe I should just leave and start of 2017 with a clean slate. But he told me not to, to give it another week so he could figure shit out. - But then we agreed to just continue talking, and thennnnnnn the night before I was going to leave, I was like what are your last words for me in case I die on the plane and he says “I wish we could’ve been together but society fucked up?” - so we had a mini convo and I’m like lets not talk about this now, and so he went to bed and I went to go shower and I almost cried. - I just don’t know what to do because I love talking to him and his presence but this one thing willl always be in the way - so at night, because I was already feeling extra senti, I sent a long ass message telling him how stressed I was and that he can’t have it both ways, and to tell me what to do. - He told me for my own health to let go of him because he doesn’t think it’ll work out or when he’ll get over that external stuff...but then a few mins later he said “i have a feeling it could work out later but not immediately right now....although i do love you right now” - so that scared me because he said that before when he was drunk and im like dont say it unless you mean it, and he apologized. but this time he wasnt drunk, and he said that he feels that he does, so I asked him how he knows he knows he loves me and he’s just like he doesn’t know  and made an excuse as to why he couldn’t answer. He also said he doesn’t even know what that word means. - so i dont really know what to make of it - but then he said he could date me and would love to, and that wouldn’t be an issue but marriage would be because thats when the external stuff will kick in (which still doesnt make sense to me why he can date and not marry cuz its the external factor would still be there) but yeah he said he doesnt want to lead me on or hurt me in the end - he told me to go, but that he didnt want me to, so I’m just going to continue talking to him until idk I guess I realize I dont want him anymore or some other miracle happens lol because I do love talking to him and it’s a stress reliever and he makes me happy - he’s also told me, several times now, that it’s either me or arranged marriage, and that he’s not gonna make time for other girls...not sure if I believe that but he seems like he means it - like I can tell he really does like me and wants to be with me, but this one thing just affects him....he hasn’t told me yet and I havent asked, but I think maybe his parents are more strict about this issue too....my mom’s like ready for me to be with him tho cuz she knows the family lmfao - but yeah, I am so lost, and last night when I came back from home, he stayed up super late to talk to me, and he still said stuff like “kiss me” and called me “baby” and always tries to make me see the good in myself. - I really hope I find some direction in life this year, and hopefully a boy and hopefully near my cousins so I can move here and find something i love to do for work but that shit will probably never happen lolool
#pm
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