#emotional dump

[rocky-again]

Lol sorry for any spelling or grammar errors cuz I very much rushed it

And idk I might feel stupid for posting this later but eh we'll see

[gitgellerimgeldilergidemediler]

Sometimes, I feel like I am wrong. I mean, everybody is right; they are on the right path, they are talking right, living right, but I am completely wrong. When I feel this way, I tell myself, "No! Your way is just different." and I know that's true. But the point is, knowing the truth doesn't make me feel better, and that's the real struggle.

"Bazen kendimi yanlış hissediyorum. Yani, herkes doğru; doğru yolda, doğru konuşuyor, doğru yaşıyor ama ben tamamen yanlışım. Böyle hissettiğimde, kendime "Hayır! Sadece, senin yolun farklı" diyorum ve bunun doğru olduğunu biliyorum. Ama işte mesele şu ki, gerçeği bilmek beni daha iyi hissettirmiyor ve bu da beni çok zorluyor."

[bookmothic-dyke]

Sometimes I wonder if I feel romantic love at all. I feel romantic attraction, infatuation, crushes. It’s so intense, I sometimes feel consumed by it. But it feels like actual emotional intimacy, that’s romantic and not only platonic, no matter how much I want it, feels weird to me. Kinda forced out of care for the person. Like despite how much I desire love and get infatuated, enthralled, flustered, and flirty. Actual romantic love, doesn’t click for me. Have I ever felt it? Will I?

I want to.

Is this just my autism? Anxiety? I don’t know. Emotions are hard. Even though I feel them more these days. I don’t really understand them.

Im mostly okay. Or well, I will be.

[palliateclaw]

[rezonancija]

will I continue to use tumblr as a journal?

yes

[elilelibeli]

To be loved is to be known….

in the smallest,tiniest details that even you might not even pay attention.

My and my girls are going to a festival today on which ive never been to but they have so they know everything and all of them separately took time from their very busy day to text me to bring a jacket because they know it gets colder in the mornings and they also know I run really cold if I am sleepy. They know this, they thought of me and they made sure I brought something.

I know this is so simple but I am just out here sitting trying not to cry because fuck I love my friends so much

Everyone deserves to be known and to be loved

And it doesn’t have to be romantic because platonic love is just as powerful and friends are just as important and just as capable of making you feel bright and loved and full.

I am grateful for them everyday. Doing life is easier because i have them.

[merbear25]

Haven

Feigned solace in the sky, in the stars that hang over me.

I feel small.

With each night passing just like the last, I'm left just as alone.

I feel cold.

How I wish the moon's glow radiated warmth like the sun.

I feel hurt.

The chilled breeze passing over me leaves me behind like all the rest.

I want to change.

Bound to the earth and shackled to the past.

I want to soar.

Key in hand but no wings to escape what's become of me.

I want to be free.

The whispers of the past shout over the hope of tomorrow.

This is my home.

It is not my haven.

But there is always tomorrow.

[quillcat]

The Unwanted Art of keeping hold of a thread

It’s me, always, it feels

Cast as the villain

Never quite more than a friendly extra

But the days,

The days go on.

Days move and I move

It feels she stays stagnant

It feels like minutes when it’s been hours

It feels like hours when it’s been days

I lose track of everything

I lose track of her

She doesn’t like my habits

Yet she cares about me a lot

But the betrayal she feels is more than what she deserves

And I actually agree with the sentiment.

How to be a good person?

How to be a good friend?

How do I stop unintentionally harming her fragile heart?

How do I be perfect?

How do I meet her demands?

Demands that drain me of joy?

I move with time and forget it all the same.

I don’t think she does.

I think she knows time all too well, and knows moving as well as she knows a stranger.

And yet, why do I have to do the majority of things?

I get punished for ignoring the bare minimum.

I don’t do the bare minimum because I think I’d rather have my teeth plucked out.

Her luck is bad.

My luck is fine.

I want to share that luck but how do I show *love?*

My version isn’t correct.

It never is.

Demands of love

Demands of care

Demands of friendship

Demands of… something.

What?

What is it?

All I feel are demands

And it’s difficult to feel the determination to try anymore.

I want to let go,

I can’t quite do that yet.

How do I let go of something so worn down?

How do I set it free?

It’s nothing but something tattered.

But despite this,

Despite the chore it has become to try to make her happy,

There’s a deep feeling of care I have.

I think I will always have it.

I care about her.

I want her gone from my life.

I hope she finds great happiness.

I want to go to her house just to keep driving by with a sneer.

I desperately need for her to catch that break she deserves.

I want to remove her from any place I can see her.

I would give anything for the burden life has given her to be lifted.

I hate her.

I despise the idea of what this friendship is, now.

The work it takes and the shitty yield don’t feel equal.

I am blind to time, and yet, it has felt like this has gone on too long.

I hate her.

I hate her in a way that only love can.

[slutforsilverfoxes]

Hi friends, this isn’t my regular content but today is a very big Emotional Day™️ for me so I’m documenting my thoughts in this space :) Feel free to skip it, or hell, read it and tell me about YOUR best friend or the band that changed your life 🥰

—————

Dear 14 year old me,

You’re meeting your favorite band today! With your best friend! Who you met online 10 years ago because of said band!

You and your bestie have talked about this so many times and dreamt about it, and even written about it 👀 Who could’ve predicted that a whole decade later you’d be living in the same state and getting to experience this together??

If your mind goes fuzzy when you meet them, at least remember to say thank you. You didn’t know it at the time, but that girl would become your rock as you made it through some of the most impactful moments of your life. She’s been there through it all, from rough nights and breakups to graduation (x2) to getting into vet school to losing your dog and uncle in the same weekend (seriously god wtf was up with that) to flying 1000 miles for your sister’s wedding.

You’ve shared countless laughs, tears, car rides where you sing at the top of your lungs, FaceTime calls, more tears, a couple of arguments for good measure, and so so much growth as human beings. 24 year old me is so proud of you both for being here today and for doing it together 🥹

To baby us, enjoy today! Gotta live it big time 🖤

[vannahgw2]

Crying in the club rn had to drop off stray mom and her kittens to shelter because winter is coming and it be snowing soon, and I miss them was crying the whole time don't know where else to express this

[a-smr-things]

It's been a while. So many things have happened. Well, for starters, I cracked NEET 2023. I'd dropped a year to prepare and now, I am a student of one of the best medical colleges of the state.

As I type this right now, I can feel the air entering my lungs. My chest feels uncomfortable. It's a telltale sign of me panicking. Not a panic attack by any means, I am happy that I've never had one...but, you know- the feeling is still unsettling. In fact, that feeling is the very reason I'm typing this now.

Right now, I am not in the right mind to study. But there will be a question-answer session in class tomorrow, and I don't have much time to waste. I've been reading and re-reading the same thing but it still feels like my head is empty.

MBBS is hard. And the first few days were a reality check. I have a lot to learn and I don't know how to learn it.

This heaviness and that twinging pain in my chest has become a common occurrence in the past few days. Everyday, it's the same cycle. I try to learn and by 9 or 10, I feel stupid and frustrated with myself. I find myself worrying.

I still don't know what to do, but after typing this out, I feel a tiny bit lighter. Maybe switching subjects for a while would put me at ease.

But still, man- I have no clue how to learn physiology.

[mcu-and-buckybarnes-things]

Nobody cares but I need to spill out for the sake of my own mental health.

I haven’t been here for quite a while because of my own and my mom’s health issues and a lot of other stuff going on in my life.

Long story short my mom officially has dementia now and I’ve moved her from a whole other country to Japan, and then we moved again from where I used to live to a big city with much better medical facilities, and I changed my job, too.

You know in the face of important life events like these, your hobbies and leisure time are simply so dispensable that you don’t even notice what you’ve missed.

Fortunately we’ve managed to settle down. My own health conditions have been much improved and my mom has started her treatment here.

And I’ve started to try to enjoy my life again.

So anyway, seems a lot to catch up on here🙂

[memefreckles]

No one told me how traumatizing it is to lose close friends?? Especially when the whole group decides to leave you at the same time lmao. How does one recover from that please tell me I'm so desperate for answers

[qualitynightmaremiracle]

Oh the overwhelming loneliness that never leaves my body even with the people I love the most. I think I’m gonna name the loneliness Fred. Fred is a dick.

[theamazingazaria]

Not that anyone should know this but at this moment I'm missing some people who are no longer in my life like that one bookworm friend who I could yap to about this book I finally got the opportunity to finish CITY OF EMBER PEOPLE WHERE YOU AT and although nobody really gives a shit I know that one person probably would... and I don't talk to them anymore... ANYWAY I'M REALLY CONTENT THAT I FINALLY GOT TO READ AND FINISH THAT BOOK IT MAKES MY INNER CHILD SOOO HAPPY!!

[thequid]

The emotional switches I take in my house is crazy. One moment I'm talking to my dad about this manga adaptation I'm watching and the next moment I'm crying after my mother tells me I don't deserve to have an opinion in this house.