#im gonna do something better tomorrow! maybe! if i remember!

[this-is-a-person]

Didn't have time to make anything good so take this instead

[the-kipsabian]

aight im looking at my wip list rn (like actual work i have started so far)

[nevieatiny]

Chasing Shadows in Water

Part 1

Ex!Mingi x Reader/ Reader x San

Summary: You had the hottest boyfriend in campus, handsome, captain of the swimming team, tall, but when he takes you for granted you decide to take a break from relationships, winter break helps to recover and focus on yourself again, but what happens when a new student shows up as a christmas miracle, you swore not to get distracted by a boy gain, but maybe life is giving you a new chance and things do happen for a reason.

Word count: 1,482

Genre: Angst / fluff

Masterlist

You knew this was gonna happen at some point, yes you still love him, and you love how competitive and goal oriented he is, that was one of the things that made you fall for him, but he was also stubborn, and maybe having laser focus could be a bad thing when you are a mess with your personal life, but still you forgive him each and every time, telling yourself he was not doing it on purpose because every time he apologized it felt sincere. but you had a limit, and you knew better than wasting your twenties and your college life with someone like that.

It's been an hour since you arrived, you've been waiting at the table with the same glass of water, thankfully you have reserved one of the booths, because yes, YOU had to make the reservation for your own anniversary at your favorite place, he would never do that for you, you doubt he would even know how to find the restaurant's phone number by himself.

That's when it hit you, why bother?, you were not happy any more, instead you were a nervous wreck every time you went out thinking "would he make it this time?" "does he remember we were supposed to meet today?" "should i text him? maybe he would think im being intense" you asked for the check, you wanted to get out of there as soon as posible.

You checked your phone once you arrived at your apartment, nothing, absolutely nothing, you thought about going to campus right now, there was only one person who would still be at the pool, but to be honest you were mentally exhausted, and tomorrow could be worst so you decided to distract yourself by cleaning your place, the kitchen and even the bathroom, maybe having a clean place would help you, or at least it wouldn't add to your stress. After feeding your cat and taking a shower you felt tired enough to go to sleep

════════════════════════════════════

The next morning you woke up to a text, you saw his name and internally you hoped it was an excuse, even a lame one would be fine, something that would let you know that he was aware of what happened

💙: morning beautiful, hope you have a great day 😘

If you were still hesitating about you decision, that for sure let you know you were doing the right thing, you got ready for your only class of the day, the whole time you thought over and over about what you were about to say, your arguments, and all his possible answers if he even had the audacity to answer, your poor cat suffered the consequences of your overthinking mind, once you put him back on the couch his hair was all over the place facing different directions, he just looked at you for a few seconds before starting to clean himself, you kissed his forehead quickly to avoid loosing and eye and left the apartment.

You had trouble concentrating during class and it showed, whenever the teacher asked something he would look at you, but your mind was blank, thankfully your classmates wouldn't miss a chance to participate and get more points with the teacher, you hated how it affected you, but after today you swore he was not gonna get in you head anymore, you just had to get this over with.

As you approached the pool you felt your hands sweating, even if you were sure of what you were about to do that does not mean you'll be less worried, standing in front of the door you took a deep breath and for the first time in years you prayed everything would go well

You always hated how humid this place was, of course it would be humid, it was a fucking pool, but it was like entering a sauna at first. There were no voices in the background, only the faint noise of water splashing, it was still early, practice wouldn't be till 4, but there was only one stupidly handsome jerk who would be here at this time.

You saw his towel first waiting on the side of the pool, a Hello kitty towel you bought for him months ago claiming you could have matching towels, you were surprised when you came one day after practice and saw the towel along with those of his colleagues, after you asked him what were their reactions and if he wouldn't be embarrassed he just said "why would i be embarrassed of a gift my girlfriend gave me?, and also i'm the captain of the team, they know better that to make fun of me" stupid Song Mingi, knowing what to say all the fucking time, with his stupid handsome face and his stupid swimmer body and his stupid height.

Maybe you were spacing out way to hard looking at that towel because you didn't hear him coming out of the pool "it must be my birthday if i get to see you this early before practice" you jumped, startled for a few seconds before he bent down covering your whole face with his wet hand before kissing you "you scared me" "were you waiting for someone else then?" he towered over you, reaching for his towel right behind you, he took his swimming cap of, shaking his hair like a wet dog, splashing you in the process "ahh, Mingi you're making me wet" you covered your face in attempt to not ruin you makeup, with a frown on your face you straighten you clothes as if that would dry it off "i know i do" you hit his chest right after that, perhaps stronger than usual "ouch, someone's been working out"

With the towel over his head he sat down grabbing you by the hips, pulling you in the middle of his thighs "i've missed you" a small gentle kiss "don't run away from me okay?" another kiss "i have a special surprise for you next week" he rubbed his thumb across you lips before pulling you gently by the neck, kissing you again slowly this time "next week?" he better not be thinking what you are thinking "yes, our anniversary, don't tell me you forgot" it took all the will power in you not to slap him right there, you closed your eyes trying to compose yourself "Song mingi, our anniversary was yesterday" looking at him directly, not breaking eye contact you saw his eyebrow rise, tilting his head as a lost dog would do, after not getting a response you spoke again "i told you a month ago i had a reservation at that fancy sushi place we like" he looked so lost it actually made you feel bad, but you were not gonna get through this again.

"You're joking right?" that's all he said, maybe the frown on your face made him realize you were not a joking at all "i waited almost an hour and a half for you" "and why didn't you call me?" he can't be serious "because i'm tired, i'm so fucking tired Song Mingi, of having to be responsable for everything in this relationship, of coming up with ideas, making plans, and on top of that being responsable to make you be on time, i shouldn't need to be confirming appointments with my own fucking boyfriend as if i was visiting the doctor" don't cry, don't cry "i feel miserable, instead of being happy to see you i feel anxious all the time, wondering if you'll show up or not, and instead of thinking you feel happy to see me it feels as if you're just checking something off your to-do list. And each and every time you say you're gonna make up for it, but i don't want you to" you made a pause when you felt his grip tighten on your hips, you couldn't read his face at all "I'm sorry" that's it?, no it can't be, but after a few seconds of silence you realized that that was in fact it "I don't need you to be sorry" "but i don't know what else to say, i fucked up but i had practice" he was actually an idiot, you're convinced

"This is not about practice, it's about your poor time management skills and your lack of interest" were you being an asshole, most likely yes, but you had to pat yourself in the back for that one " i don't want you to leave the team, i'm not a jerk, i liked you because of how competitive you're, when you set your mind to it you can accomplish anything, except for our relationship. But don't worry, i'm gonna make life easier for you" "Y/n c'mon, don't do this" he finally stood up, caressing your face " I want to break up"

[hils79]

Hils Watches Lovely Runner - Ep 6

I know this is drama logic and not real life but I thought idols were supposed to deflect any questions about their romantic lives. Gotta maintain the fantasy and pretend the only person you have ever loved is your fans

HAHA! It's like they read my mind!

Psst! It's you!

I love that she keeps headbutting boys

I can't remember what Sunjae's best friend is called but I like him even if he calls Im Sol, says something cryptic, then hangs up without explaining

Love that he was going to punch Taesung until he realised that Im Sol is now single

He's so dramatic I love him so much

Ooh it's been a long while since I watched a drama with a male character who can't handle any amount of alchohol. I do enjoy it as a trope

Aww it's a reversal of when he got the fan out for her when she fell asleep in his room. Love it.

Uh...maybe don't joke about that given that you know what happens in the future

1 second later: OH SHIT WHAT IF HE ACTUALLY IS DEAD I'D BETTER CHECK

Gah they are so cute omg

I love that there has been a romantic umbrella moment in every episode so far

I do enjoy every time she gets reminded of how cringe she was as a teenager

Oh no Taesung came off his bike while avoiding a kid. Now Im Sol is going to feel bad for dumping him I bet

OMG grandma don't give out your address to some random dude who just called you!

I love that she was just stealthily sneaking a glance when she got there and he was asleep. Now he's a awake and she's asleep and he's just 'gonna pull my chair over and just stare at her thanks'

Okay, that was a really good confession speech. 10/10 no notes.

Come on, dude. She just found out her mum has cancer. Give her a hug!

Nooooo! Why?

It's not often I get heavily invested in het romance dramas but these scene is legit devastating I am actually crying

Oh shit are we at the date of the accident already? We're only 6 episodes in I thought this was going to be closer to the end!

NOOOOO! All you had to do was stay inside! You can tell him about your feelings tomorrow! It won't kill him to get a bit wet in the park!

He does look good when he's all damp and sad though

[enchxanting]

our love is god [ethan landry x reader] pt. 10

read part 9 here || all parts

pairing: ethan landry x fem!reader

warnings: slight violence, blood, murderous fantasies, and obsessive behavior

a/n: that awkward moment when you go to college and forget how to write fic. lol <3. here you go, im getting back into it so just a short chapter.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Diary,

FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK!

How the hell could I let this happen? What the fuck?

How does fighting with your best friend turn into triple homicide? How does getting a boyfriend make you an accomplice? A few weeks ago I was a girl with a crush, and now my teen angst bullshit has a body count.

I didn’t sleep last night. Ethan dragged me out of the house into his car. I was shaking the whole time. It didn’t feel real. We were speeding back to my house, swinging wildly around corners, and I remembered the way Mindy’s sliced throat bubbled with blood. I threw up all over myself and the passenger seat of Ethan’s car. That only scared me more. I thought he’d pull over and kill me right then, he seemed so manic, but he only glanced over and laughed. Fucking laughed. 

That wasn’t even the sickest thing, though. He finally got to my house and I went to get out of the car, but he grabbed my arm and pulled me back so hard I thought he’d dislocate it. He didn’t say anything, but his expression was so terrifying I got the message: don’t say shit. 

My parents barely noticed when I came home. They didn’t even realize I’d been out. Typical. My boyfriend killed the only people who cared if I lived or died. Except him, of course. 

The sick thing is that I can’t forget that sweet, shy boy from the cafeteria. Whenever I see him it’s like I shut down. Like a deer in headlights. I’ve got no control over myself when I’m with Ethan. He brought me to his place, again. Just showed up in his car. I thought it was better to do what he wanted.

Thank god no school tomorrow.

Y/N

As soon as I close my diary, I feel a familiar presence behind my shoulders. I tense as he wraps his arms around my neck. 

“Relax, Y/N,” Ethan says. “It’s like you saw a ghost.”

I’m still scared shitless by him, but his comment makes me so mad that I push him off and rise from the living-room couch. “What the fuck, Ethan?”

His mouth widens into a toothy grin. “A little dark humor, sorry. Just trying to lighten your mood.”

I don’t give him the satisfaction of a response. He rolls his eyes and flops onto the couch. “So, who’s next? Should we kill Anika? Could be another suicide thing– not much to live for after your girlfriend and her brother and his kinda-girlfriend bite it. Or maybe Sam? She’s the reason you were even at Tara’s place that morning, after all.”

My blood runs cold. I open my mouth to say something, but the door slams. “Jesus, kids, you’re sure making a lot of fucking noise.” 

Ethan’s dad waltzes in, smiling ear to ear. His shirt is partially unbuttoned and his hair and tie are askew. Sergeant Bailey smells like cigars, and I wrinkle my nose before I can stop myself. 

Ethan rolls his eyes. “Celebrating, dad?”

The sarge pretends not to notice Ethan’s tone. “As a matter of fact, yes. We investigated and intercepted a pretty high-level bomb threat today. The captain took us out to celebrate. Still an asshole, though. I should be doing his job.”

“Bomb threat?”

“Yeah. A gnarly one, too. Some office building in the east of town. They put a Norwegian in the boiler room and a bunch of thermals upstairs that were gonna be set off after. Luckily the bomb squad got there before the clock reached zero. The captain…”

He keeps chattering about the details of his day and his “fucking idiot” of a boss, but it all fades out when Ethan gets that look in his eye again. I know this one: it’s the same look from the funeral. His eyes are stony. He’s forming a plan. 

I can’t be in this house any more. I feel myself run out the door, and I almost make it to the street before a tight grip fastens itself around my waist. I kick and yell but to no avail. Ethan tightens his grip around me and kisses me, muffling my screams. I’m so claustrophobic, I can hardly breathe.

As he deepens this kiss, I do the only thing I can think of: I bite his lip, hard. He yelps and lets me go, and we both fall back onto the grass. He brings his hand down from his mouth, and I can see a trickle of blood on his fingers. “Cute, Y/N. Very fucking cute.”

“Leave me alone. We’re done. Whatever this thing is, it’s over.”

He grins, and there’s blood in his teeth. “You can’t bring them back. You’ve got to know that.”

I feel hot tears welling up. “I’m not trying to bring back anything, you psycho, except maybe myself.”

His face hardens. “I love you, Y/N. I love you a whole fucking lot. I’ve made that pretty clear. And you know what I can do. To anyone. For you. To you. So you’ll be back.”

His threat makes my head spin. I scramble back towards the road. For a second, I think he’s going to follow me, but he makes no move to get up.

When I hit cement, I turn on my heels and run. The sting of the wind burns my tear-tracked cheeks, but I don’t stop or slow until I’m safely upstairs in my bedroom with the door locked. 

Dear Diary,

Am I going to homecoming, or hell?

taglist: @miawastakens dm or reply to be added!

[fire-emblem-drabbles]

These Violent Desires

Pairing: Yandere! Risotto x reader

Description: You never really had much of a love life. Not for lack of trying on your part, thank you, it just never really happened. Of course, like most people you wanted it: a romance so sweet and comforting it swept you off your feet and left you on cloud nine. But between working full time, being chronically online, and not to mention a depressed mess, you didn't see that happening any time soon. Perhaps its good timing, then, that your ASMR channel starts to take off. Just the distraction you needed from your day to day monotony!

Content Warning: Depression, more depression, minor intrusive thoughts, parasocial behavior, use of female titles (queen, girl) and female reader (will come up more in other parts), I wasn't kidding when I said she chronically online, ask to tag, other parts will different/darker warnings

Rating (fic as a whole): NSFW Rating (Part): SFW

Word Count: 3640

Ao3 Link: These Violent Desires

Notes: I am SO excited to bring this to you! You guys remember the original these violent desires? I sure do! As much as I love that fic, that little series I realize... I really went in to it with not a clue of what my end goal was. Not a great way to write a story. With it being two years since then, and me reading a FANTASTIC FIC from @kneelingshadowsalome (DOG, on their Ao3) that inspired me to reconsider my whole characters and motivations I bring you... this mess (affectionate). I'm actually really excited to bring this back and im gonna start writing the next part as soon as I finish this draft. Also, note: I suspect tumblr isn't gonna respect all the formatting and fun stuff I did so feel free to check it out on Ao3!

Part: One | Two

Sometimes, you really hated your job.

Hated seeing all the cute, happy couples out on a date night. Hated seeing all the happy families and precious little babies. Hated seeing people be so effortlessly happy and carefree. Hated that you had to pretend to be just as enchanted. It made you bleed with jealously, and want to scream and hide in shame.

Although you did feel bad about your burning envy, you hated that it was somewhat malicious; it was just you wanted that same kind of love, someone you were best friends and lovers with-- who you had been together with for years and knew you as much as you knew yourself. Someone you could be yourself with, through thick and thin…

Thinking about it just made you bitter. These things don’t just pop out of nowhere. Relationships had to be worked for; love didn’t just appear. It had to be made, to be cared for and nurtured. So even if you wanted (cried screamed begged) that fairy tale romance to come of sweep you off your feet, it wouldn’t happen. Not unless you find yourself a prince charming awfully soon… And at your current rate well, it wasn’t likely too happen.

You were notoriously bad at dating and getting close to people. Of course, you tried dating apps and meeting new people through your friends but nothing really seemed to click… It didn’t help that you were incredibly dense, as well; with little insight on how dating even worked in the real world you were left just as clueless (and alone) as you came in.

You had a sinking feeling you knew what it was, too; beyond being dense or clueless. You had been struggling against your depression for the better part of your adult life. You got by with plastic smiles and laughs that didn’t really meet your eyes, living life just on the outside looking in. Maybe, people could tell. You always had felt a little different, anyways. Maybe one day you would get better. Maybe one day, you could find something to be happy for. Someone to be happy with.

Today, however, you have a job to do. Rent to make. Jealousy to stew in while you smile and nod and play the perfect little hostess at work. And then you would come home, numb and tired, and not be able to fall asleep. Just to do it again tomorrow.

Work is the same as usual. You’re the only support staff-- no back server to be seen. The servers are too busy with their tables to help you. Seat the table. Water the guests. Grab them bread. It’s all monotonous, said with a sweet smile and voice high and kind. Wait for the guest to leave. Bus the table. Set it back up. And wait for the next guest. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

Its one of those moments in-between, where your gaze is lost far off in the hotel and your thoughts are getting darker by the moment. You wonder if anyone would notice if you just left right now. Walked out into the night, took the wrong bus home, and see what happens where ever you end up.

The shrill sound of the phone ringing catches you out of your stupor. You glance at the phone in surprise, looking down at the screen. Private. Not entirely unusual in your line of work, but just interesting enough. With a gentle hand, you grab the receiver and speak.

“Thank you for calling the Mountaintop Bar and Grill, this is _____ speaking. How may I help you?” Talking on the phone was always easy-- no one could see your not as happy as you sound. Strangely, the line is silent a moment, so you repeat. “Hello, is anyone there?” You wait a few moments again, only hearing faint breathing on the other line if anything. “I’m so sorry, but I can’t hear you. Goodbye.” You hang up the receiver, frowning at the phone before looking at the time.

It was so slow tonight, your surprised to find its nearly time to close. You put up the close sign, take back the last tray and make sure the tables are wiped and reset for the next day. You make careful small talk with your coworkers, make sure that they never think to question what lies beneath the surface of you, and check out with your manager.

You walk slow to your bus, taking the time to put on your earbuds to drown out the world around you. You board the bus, scan your card, and take the same seat you do every time you ride. The same as you always do. The same playlist you always listen to plays, but you don’t really hear it as you open your phone and prepare for the bus ride home.

There was one thing that made you smile, though. Explaining it made you feel kind of silly (mostly strange), but you had a youtube channel. It was kind of small, less than 1000 subscribers really, but the community you built really made you happy. The type of content you created was kind of… niche, to put it nicely. You made asmr videos. Stuff like “Your shy girl friend asks you to spend the night during a big storm (she’s so scared! 🥺🥺)” or “Your roommate asks for your help with her homework (but maybe she wants something more 👀)” or even things a little more raunchy like “You accidentally summon an inexperienced succubus!!! (You Are A Dark Mage Looking For A Familiar)”.

Making them was kind of fun, but what you really enjoyed was your fans. Even if you had never shown your face, (some) of the people in your comments were downright simps. You really only lived for the attention at this point. You even got kind of parasocial with it, talking with some fans in your members only discord.

You scroll through the comments, reading them all and responding to a few while you had the time. Most were sweet, telling you how much they liked your voice and content, others talking about how much you made them blush and giggle. You can’t help but notice you have a new commenter, too. From the looks of things they’ve been following you a while, but have only just now left a comment.

@metal_metalica5

Next time, let me take care of you

It almost feels out of place, with the fully black icon next to it. It’s not like you haven’t had people leaving frankly strange and concerning messages in your comments, but this one rides the line. You wonder who could be behind the comment for a moment. Maybe someone just as depressed and lonely as you, seeking comfort they find in your stories and voice. Someone who just wanted to return the favor. You don’t want to consider anything else, really-- you’d like to think the best of this new commenter.

In the end, you like the comment, smiling to yourself. You check your members discord, seeing the server is a little more abuzz than usual. It was relatively small, with only around 60 people, many of which were lurking themselves. You’re not surprised to find its the same name as the comment left on your most recent video. Your mods and a few members have already greeted them, but you make sure to as well.

work work work today at 9:17 pm

Hi @/metal_metalica5!! Thanks for joining the server, and commenting on the latest video! It’s nice to have your support <3

You don’t wait for a reply, checking out your ats and whats happening in all the other channels. Interacting with everyone brings a smile to your face, and you find yourself grinning as you thank the bus driver and get off at your stop. Cool darkness greets you as you walk down the street to your apartment. Things seem okay-- its your weekend, and you think you could finish recording the last bit of your next video.

Safely indoors, you set your coat and purse down, and make haste to change out of your uniform into something more comfortable. Once you have on some comfortable clothing, you take a seat at your desk and open your laptop. Discord pops open there as well, but you minimize the window for now, opening your recording app. You had been teasing your followers about a 1000 subscriber special for a while, but the idea still made you nervous.

Your plan was to do a live stream/face reveal. It would mostly be talking and playing games, but people could donate to you and you would read out their message. You were still working out the logistics, but you suspected that you would breach 1000 soon so you had better hurry.

“You haven’t ate any food today.” You jump a little at the voice beside you.

“Glory.” You scold, looking over to your stand, Glory and Gore. “I’m not hungry, and I’m busy. I’ll eat before I go to bed.” You turn back to the screen, reading over your transcript for any typos and bad wording.

“It’s not a good idea to neglect the needs of your body.” You can see a frown reach her perfect, pretty lips. You always thought it was unfair your stand was prettier than you. You also thought it ironic that the literal ghost of you was better at taking care of you than the real, physical you (that often felt like a ghost). “You’re already suffering from a few vitamin deficiencies, which aren’t helping with your depression and anxiety at all.”

“Why are you worse than a doctor.” Truthfully, she was right. You should take better care of yourself. You knew that if she could, Glory would fix these things for you. She was a healing stand, able to fix any injury or disease from a person. But vitamin D deficiencies, your stupid little brain chemicals being imbalanced and giving you the Big Sad? Nope. Out of her hands, unfortunately. Ironic that you would have a healing stand and suffer from one of the things she couldn’t fix.

“I just want to see you better.” You look to her, even if she doesn’t have eyes to really see you also, she frowns. Funny, how she was also much more logical and level headed than you.

“Fine, fine. I’ll find some food.” Her hand stops you as you reach for your phone, a stern look taking over her. “Finnnnne, no doordash.” You sigh and place your phone in your pocket, and stand to go to your kitchen. Seeing you head that way, Glory de-manifests, content in knowing you would try to find something to eat.

“...Need to go grocery shopping.” You sigh as you look through the fridge. You really didn’t mind her looking after you. You were aware just how stands were manifest of a users soul and desire-- you wanted someone to take care of you, since you seemed to be failing to do it all by yourself. But at this particular moment, you didn’t have that: what you did have was cheese, and butter. And… turning around, yes, you still have some bread, not yet moldy. Grilled cheese dinner, queen.

You’re even lucky enough to find a singular can of tomato soup in your barren cupboards. Hell yeah, that’s a whole meal. And one you can make in less than 10 minutes. Look at you, being all self sufficient. Queen of mental health over here, cooking her own meals.

As you butter bread and let the pan warm on the oven (soup uncondensed but not quite in the microwave yet), you read more discord chats, surprised to find you have multiple ats all in the gen chat (and a few in the mod chat as well). Everyone is abuzz, with “several people typing” showing up on the bottom of the screen. Gen is moving too fast so you move to the mod chat to see whats happened.

The Best Mod (Jax) today at 10:22 pm

holy shit work work work get in here

Ya Boiiii (Niko) today at 10:22

@/work work work ‼️‼️‼️‼️

work work work today at 10:23

why is everyone going crazy lol whats up

Ya Boiiii (Niko) today at 10:24

smh she don’t even know

The Best Mod (Jax) today at 10:24

you’re over 1000 subs 😤

was like 1010 last I checked

Ya Boiiii (Niko) today at 10: 25

just keeps going up ‼️

work work work today at 10:26

wha

am grilling chesee hold up

You put your phone down, placing the bowl of soup in the microwave and setting the timer with beating heart. Over 1000 subs already? You take a deep breath and place the bread, butter down in the hot pan, placing a generous handful of cheese on top and then the next piece of bread. You pick up your phone barely hearing the sizzling of the bread, instead closing discord to open youtube.

Sure enough, your creator widget shows it: 1013 subscribers, at least a hundred or more than when you last took a look at it. The number was indeed still going up, as when you refresh the page it now reads 1015.

“Where are all these people coming from?” Is all you can wonder. You send a quick “holy shit” to your mods, but quickly return to your food when the beeping microwave calls for your attention.

You pull your soup out quickly, and realize your grilled cheese is starting to burn on the first side and flip it over, relived to see you got to it before it got too bad. Little burnt never hurt anyone anyways. Even as you feel renewed energy and excitement moving through you, you make sure your food is all ready, make sure to turn off the stove top, and fast walk back to your desk with your dinner, eyes quickly going to discord again.

You make sure to send a message in the gen chat, telling everyone thank you and that you’ve seen the good news. Reading back on messages, it seems another popular asmr youtuber (a guy, one you actually follow yourself) had brought you up. He was apparently live streaming (right now), and one of his followers had sent a donation, asking about his thoughts on you. And apparently, he loved your content-- was excited to see what you would do once you hit 1000 followers and not so subtly encouraged his (thousands) of followers to check you out.

work work work today at 10:31 pm

holy fucking shit!?!?! fuckging,,, golden experience likes my content ⁉️⁉️

I can die happy now

im dead

Ya Boiiii (Niko) today at 10:31 pm

nooo don’t die

work work work today at 10:32

joining his stream rn

gonna try to lurk but also I wanna thank him 🥺

The Best Mod (Jax) today at 10:32

im already in lol

I’ll tell everyone you’re here :)

work work work today at 10:33

wait nOOO

You tab out over to youtube to where the stream has finally loaded, to see Mr. Golden Experience ASMR himself smiling.

“Oh, look, it seems our new favorite has joined us. Hello, Gore Gone Wild.” He smiles, sweet and serene at the camera and you feel your heart pound a little.

@/Gore_Gone_Wild

omg hiii!! My mod told me you gave me a little shout out, thank you so much :D

You try so hard to be normal. All the sudden, you’re the fan interacting with your fav. Your dinner goes ignored, soup and grilled cheese cooling as you focus your efforts on Golden Experience's stream.

“It was a donation from your mod that brought the topic up.” He laughs soft and sweet. When you look to the top donations of the stream, you can see Niko’s youtube (@onionthepaladin) at on the top of the banner, having donated $100.

@/Gore_Gone_Wild

omggg that’s… literally so sweet of him. And you!! I’m also a big fan of yours <3

That’s it, you have to kill Niko. You have to travel across the united states, kill your mod, and make sure he never pulls this shit again. You suddenly feel so embarrassed, so light and free.

“Don’t be too rough with him.” Another sweet smile reaches him. God, he’s literally so pretty and perfect. Like, the opposite of you really. How could someone so put together like anything about you…? Oh yeah, you were hiding behind a screen. That’s why. Super easy to keep up the charade… “Truth be told, I’ve been your fan for a while. I was also excited to see what you would do for 1000 followers.” You smile wide as his chat echos his excitement.

@/Gore_Gone_Wild

welll… since its you… I guess I can let you in on my secret :) but only you! Not even my followers know yet so… I’ll dm you :3c

You feel so giddy when you see his eyes widen, see his smile widen a hair.

“Well, I look forward to seeing it.” He chuckles again, and returns to the conversation from before your arrival. His stream is nice noise to eat your now cold dinner to, as your heart hammers a bit when hitting up his dms on twitter. You send him a cute little message, telling him your plans: how you wanted to do your first live stream, reveal your place, and just chill with your followers, playing some games and taking read requests for him. But if he had suggestions, or tips for live streams, you would love to hear them.

You hear a buzz on stream, and watch as Golden Experience picks up his phone. “Looks like miss Gore just dmed me.” He smiles as his eyes scan your text. “I don’t want to seem desperate chat, should I wait to respond?” You watch as chat moves a little faster, some people spamming “simp”, others saying “she’s still here lol”. A few people leave actual advice, to which he reads a few aloud.

“Hmm, you’re right, shouldn’t leave a lady waiting.” He winks at his face cam and you nearly die. You’re gonna have to watch something else, now. Quickly leaving his stream, you take a moment to simply breath at your sub feed, heart pounding fast. You hadn’t been this excited in forever… Guess now it was time to tell your followers for real what what happening.

It’s actually your weekend, you have the next three days off… So with that in mind you go about telling everyone your plans. Your mods (Jax, Nico, and Sammy, whose probably already sleeping), already know, but after Golden Experience, you tell your discord your plans to host the live stream in the next two days.

Then, take a teasing little picture of your setup, with just a little plushie sitting next to your screen. “Excited to see you all this friday :3 Here’s to 1000!” is all the post itself says, but you make a live stream reminder on your page just so everyone knows what happening. You’re so excited you refresh all the pages, seeing at the night owls commenting on your posts with excitement. Now, you aren’t surprised to see a familiar name among them.

First comment on your youtube belongs to you newest member, @metal_metalica5, with another kind of ominous, but not quite out of line comment that simply reads “I know you’re perfect already, bella.” Second comment belongs to Golden Experience himself, commenting from his own account that says “Look forward to seeing you! I’m happy to see you’ve grown so much”.

You tear yourself away from your phone screen, and have to close your computer not to end up just replying to comments on that. You steel yourself to take your dishes to the sink, and actually wash them, too excited by the nights events to even realize that you were. You’re even too excited to review your writing, or record it for that matter, so in the end you end up pacing around in your nerves.

Pacing only wears you down so much, so you decide to lay down with your phone pulled close to your face. Curiosity gets the better of you as you look to the comments again. You click on the profile of @metal_metalica5, curious to see if he has anything on there. He hasn’t posted anything to youtube, nor has he created any playlists for that matter. With the pure black icon, it seems like he doesn’t want anyone to really notice or see him.

You recall he joined your discord as well, and open that up (to tell everyone goodnight, you convince yourself), only to find yourself scrolling through your members to find him offline, with the same blank icon and user name. He has no server profile, no custom status, no banner nor nitro. But… interestingly, it says he joined discord today: member since April 3 rd , 2024, joined April 3 rd , 2024. He must have created discord just to join your server. Perhaps even, he created a youtube account just to comment on your stuff. The idea has you smiling. That someone liked what you created so much, they had to subscribe. Wanted to be closer to you. Were interested in getting to know you beyond what you posted…

Soon, you grow too tired to keep your phone up. Your eyes slowly close, phone cuddled to your chest. Tonight, you sleep tight, content and happy with your online life. When you woke up, it would be the same, gray world as the one you woke to today, but it would be different, better-- because there was something to look forward to. Something, if even for just a little while, to stave off the monotony and sadness and jealousy. For a little while, you could be Gore_Gone_Wild, and everyone will adore you.

Oh, and you'll have to read that DM Golden Experience sent you too! You got so excited you nearly forgot you messaged him.

[jesuistrestriste]

hi sage! i hope all is going good in your life! i found out i have to put my dog down tomorrow and i was wondering if you could recommend any comfort art/patrick fics or blurbs? if not, that’s cool:) much love!

oh my goodness-- i am so, so sorry lovely :( ❤️ i know exactly what that's like, and it's certainly not an easy thing to go through/cope with. please try to remember that you are 100% allowed to grieve for as long as you feel you need to (in the way you need to). take your time, be gentle with yourself, and try to spend time around people that make you happy whenever you're ready to do so ! sending you so much love

also, unfortunately, i dont rlly read/seek out comfort fics about patrick or art, so i dont have any recs off the top of my head, but i can try my hand at writing some comfort hcs below to maybe fill that request for u :) (im sure you could also find some by searching specific art/pat comfort concepts on here)

patrick:

he's generally (of course) very unserious and happy-go-lucky, but as soon as he senses that something is wrong, that act drops so quick. he's guiding you to sit in his lap on the couch, stroking your upper back and pressing little kisses to the side of your head.

i feel like he'll remind you how much he loves you, and how it's okay to be sad or upset; wiping away your tears with his thumbs + putting on your favorite movie/tv show. he draws you a warm bath, helps you wash your body, and tries to make subtle jokes to cheer you up.

the moment he gets you to crack a smile, he's leaning in and softly kissing the corner of your mouth. "there's that smile i've been missing.." he'll say all sweetly and tenderly, "we're gonna get you through this. i promise, babe."

he doesn't know much about baking, but he'll learn how to make your favorite desserts at home just for you to have something to look forward to each day. yes, sometimes he'll fuck up the recipe (too much sugar, too much flour, etc.), but he's trying his best and he'll always serve the treats to you with a smile on his face and love in his heart.

art:

art can sense pretty easily when you're upset or distressed. he's been able to pick up your little tells throughout your time with him, and his heart immediately starts to ache at the first signs.

the sight of you being sad, or just the knowledge that you are, is enough to get him emotional too, but he makes sure to stay strong for you; hugging you to his chest in bed and wrapping you up in the blanket as he draws gentle shapes on your back with his fingertips. little circles and stars and hearts to help you breathe steadier.

he lets you vent to him about everything, and he stays by your side through it all. like patrick, he's gonna constantly remind you how much he loves you and how valid it is to be upset- he'd never dismiss your feelings.

he kinda helicopters around you/sticks to you like glue until youre doing better. checking in whenever applicable and making sure to hold your hand when he can tell you're unsteady (emotionally, physically, etc.)

"love you so much, baby... you don't have to be strong around me, i want to take care of you.. let me take care of you, ok?"

[eggnogs-stupid-ideas]

I got very distracted today I cant remember who I said id introduce first but whoops youre getting the main character! This is Uvve!

Uvve, this aus Purple Yam Son of Captain Gantu For those of you who dont know who that is This is Gantu

TW for this, including fire-related trauma and.. I dont know how to explain it but prison adjacent trauma

So for a starting bit of context, this au has all the lilo and stitch movies as canon, same with the show (excludes the anime because I see that as very separate) Also this is gonna be a really bad summary because theres alot and im really tired

Uvve in this timeline was born around the time of the final movie, before the Isle of the Lost was fully complete. He was about the age of a young toddler by the time it was finished and, ignoring his redemption, Gantu and Uvve were both summoned to and left on the island (you're going to realize alot of this au is me picking fun at the ideas of Descendants.) Gantu and Uvve (and Reuben, who was sealed along with them due to being an assistant) struggled on the island, Gantu especially due to his large size and past trauma. Uvve, on the other hand, much younger than most of the people around him, would often wonder about and find himself in dangerous places, leading to him meeting elder lion who managed to get Uvve stuck in a massive fire. While only left with some bad scarring on his tail due to a natural resistance, it became a traumatizing experience for him and a tipping point for Gantu, who believed it would have been fine if they weren't there in the first place. Long story short, they get released because people finally got a little smart, and Gantu, hit out of his reformation, strikes a plan. A plan that only gets easier when Mal decides Uvve is the perfect student to invite as one of the first non-human (or non-mostly human) students. He wishes to take over from the inside out, allowing Uvve to gather information and hand it to him so they can make the world what Gantu thinks is a safer place for all. One without the same people who constantly refuse to listen and see the mixed reality of situations. Without humans. Or those who come too close. Uvve, meanwhile, is aggressive, non-trusting of humans (besides the rare few), and tends to lash out easily. Hes a peaceful soul deep down, not trusting but not wishing to hurt either, wishing to just be a music player, but focusing on the mission at hand.. until he meets a certain sheep i'll introduce tomorrow. Anyway I can do way better explaining him but theres my little guy. Maybe i'll type something better another day when im less tired.

[februaryflowers]

red roses have thorns too

order up: jasmine coffee with lychee jellies and joshua for @strawberri-uyu !

an unrequited love wedding planner drama 

check out the (now closed) carat writers club summer fair event!

warnings: arguing + yelling, wedding talk, reader is pretty jealous and not healthily dealing with that for most of this (i’m not condoning this behavior! this is not a good way to deal with such emotions) and kissing (not involving reader)

drama and angst, 872 words, joshua x reader

a/n: im so sorry this is so late but i hope you enjoy 😭 and thank you to @adi--writes for making an appearance in this drabble :>

taglist: @noniemylove​ @seokmingiggles​

“I think the red roses are better,” you grit out, the words falling through your clamped jaw. 

“It looks tacky having them for literally everything!” Joshua exclaims, running a hand through his hair. “We both know the arch should be a different color, y/n.”

“It’s what the couple wants, Joshua,” you spit. Adjusting your pitch, you do your best to imitate his obnoxiously sweet voice, complete with mouthy hand motions. “‘What the couple says goes.’”

Bringing his hand to his forehead, he lets a long exhale through his nose. “Not when they’re gonna ruin their wedding photos with their stubbornness.”

“It’s their wedding, not yours!” 

“Obviously! What’s your problem, y/n!?” He yanks the chair out in front of him, plopping down and rubbing his eyes with his palms. “We used to be a team.”

You sigh, crossing your arms defensively over your chest. Well…he has a point. You can’t even remember how long it’s been since you and him got along. You used to even go out together after work to a bar or nearby restaurant to wind down from stressful plans and uptight couples. 

Before you were business partners, you were friends, great friends. That’s how this started, anyway. When did it all go wrong? 

But Joshua has been busy lately. After he finishes planning other people’s weddings, he returns home, only to plan another one, his wedding. And Adi is super cool. You’ve met all together before, and you can’t blame Joshua in the slightest for falling for them and proposing. 

Maybe you let your resentment towards the situation itself (never either individual of the couple) fester a little too much, impacting your job and relationship with your co-founder. It was just easier to pretend you didn’t get along to protect your cracking heart. Now that you think about it, maybe the hypothetical chalkboard that would display the “Days Without Arguing in the Office” countdown would show something resembling a large 90, a number similar to the amount of time that has passed since a couple weeks after Joshua told you about his engagement a few months ago.

Shaking his head, your co-owner stands, carefully glancing in your direction as he stands before placing his hands on the back of the chair. “Let’s just go home, y/n. We can talk about this tomorrow when we aren’t so angry.”

He doesn’t wait for you to respond before he makes his way towards the door, grabbing his coat from the hook and sliding his arms through the sleeves. 

“Maybe we should just go our separate ways after this,” he murmurs. “Seeing as we can’t get along anymore.”

“Joshua—”

“Just think about it.”

Finishing off the conversation, he turns his back towards you without another word, watching the cars pass on the street outside your small shop slash office. 

You swallow as you stare at his frame, his shoulders tense and curved inward as he crosses his arms. The tapping of his foot against the wood planks joins the ensemble not long after. When was the last time you even finished work happily?  

And all too soon yet all too quickly, it’s over. Joshua will be leaving. He’ll definitely be leaving the store for the night. Maybe, he’ll even leave your life…for good.

Adi comes in. The bells above the door chime as they embrace, Joshua’s body instantly relaxing and softening at the presence, the touch, of the one he loves. 

He presses a kiss to their cheek before they cross arms behind the other’s back, shy smiles and hushed whispers exchanged as Joshua pushes open the door. But before they can step out, and maybe him from your life forever, Adi stops and turns around.

They smile at you, giving a small wave with the free hand that isn’t wrapped around their fiancé. “Have a nice night, y/n.”

With that, they step into the chilly winter evening, huddled together as they go about their daily walk home. And you know Adi was being genuine. They have been and still are nothing but kind to you whenever you see each other at the end of the workday. It makes you wonder if Joshua has said anything about your squabbles at home. 

Because, you can admit it, you have been absolutely stubborn and pissy. The two of them would and do have every right to be ticked off with you. But it doesn’t matter how this wedding turns out. It doesn’t matter what happens to the business you’ve built together. It doesn’t matter if you piss Joshua off or are perfectly best friends with him. Because, at the end of the day, you aren’t the one he’ll be going home with.  

A single tear drops from your eyes, at last. You have never cried over Joshua Hong, but there’s always a first for everything. They continue to fall as you stare out the window, seemingly unable to move before a loud gust of wind outside jumpstarts your brain again.

Finally making your way to the door, you flip the sign to display the large “Closed” with tomorrow’s hours to face the front of the glass. 

If you really love someone, you let them go. If there’s anyone you want to be happy, it’s him. And you know he is. 

So, today, you let Joshua go.

[mooncakesofpan]

NO?! RIGHT?!

Teen dad!Billy Hargrove x Teen mom!hopper!Reader

Summary: Weeks after an incident with your boyfriend your not feeling well and with hopper concerned he takes you to the doctors.

A/n: sorry it took so long to put out another part to this. Reader is Adopted. This takes place before Vicky is born. im also appologizing right now i do my reserch but of course things arnt going to be accurate due to the fact ive never been pregnant. 

Warnings: Teen Pregnacy , Angst, Morning sickness, mentions Neil’s terrible and Abusive Parenting, Established Relationship, Strong Language,OOC BIlly, She/her pronouns

Word Count: 1.2k

Stranger things Masterlist | Main Masterlist

DO NOT STEAL MY WORK

You had been home sick for 3 days not feeling well having felt queasy and tired. Your dad was getting ready for work when he heard you in the bathroom retching into the toilet. Your head on your arm leaning against the toilet seat. You were feeling a bit better after that, you were obviously sick with something. “Are you sure your gonna be okay if I leave you here?” Hopper said weary “Yeah, yeah I should be fine in like a few days I’ll be okay,” “If you're not better by tomorrow morning I'm taking you to the doctor okay?” he says sternly butting on his jacket. El was toasting egos in the toaster while you were feeling a little better, you decided to try and go to school getting dressed and ready to be a bit late. You saw billy in your first period. You could feel your boyfriend's eye’s on you. As your class ended he came up to you leaning his arm next to you on the locker. “You been gone for 3 days, and every time I call your house all I get is your little sister saying you're sick, ” he says searching your eyes. “What's up with that Doll?” “I've just been sick I'm not contagious or anything I was feeling a bit better so I came in” Billy's eyebrows furrowed. “Well, I'm glad to have my girl back,” he smiles looking at your lips leaning in and pressing his slightly chapped lips to yours. you went threw the day with a very little bit of nausea. But you managed the rest of the day without too many issues just being really tired. Which Billy defiantly took notice of. You had made it back home and tried to eat something really that's you had been avoiding all day cause you were worried about queasiness. After a nap and eating a snack you were doing okay till 5:15 and your dad brought dinner home. “I got you an appointment with your doctor tomorrow something is clearly wrong,” Your dad says with a deep sigh “Uh thank you,” you said digging into your food. You were up bright and early, heading to the doctor. “Okay, so I do have to ask this hopper just in case. Is there any possibility you could be pregnant?” your doctor Hopper looked at you, eyebrow raised waiting for you to answer the question. “No right?!” he says sternly looky “I uh maybe, I would say no but there was an incident a few weeks ago with my boyfriend where the condom ripped and we thought it would be fine,” you rambled on. You could see Hopper in the corner shaking his head and rubbing his temple. “okay that's fine we can simply run a few tests, cause due to your symptoms it seems nothing else could be wrong aside from you seem to be a little dehydrated, and a bit bloated, can you tell perhaps when your last period was,” your doctor said. “Uh mine was a little over a month ago so technically mine should have started I guess,” you say a bit unsure, she nods writing it down. “Well we’ll do a blood and urine test and we’ll let you know when we have the results,” she said. You got the blood test and urine test and scheduled an appointment for later that week to go over the results. “Why wouldn't you tell me something like that happened” Hopper “Oh yeah, it would be super easy to say ‘hey dad remember my boyfriend you hate, yeah we’ve been screwing in the back of his car, and the condom we used was faulty and I might be pregnant with his baby’” you snapped. Hopper let out a sigh as you rode in silence for a while “Are you mad at me?” you said tears and streamed down his face hopper looked between you and the road “Christ kid, no I'm not mad I'm just concerned,” Hopper said “Your 17, and I'm just worried about how difficult this will be for you,” he said with a deep sigh. You nodded and the rest of the ride was silent. For the next few days, you were at school waiting for the result to come back in the weekend finally came around and so did your appointment. “Well, your test result came back Y/n you are pregnant we're gonna get you set with an ultrasound so we can see exactly how far along you are,” your doctor said you looked at your hands nodding. The truth is that a part of you knew you were pregnant, but the truth was really setting in as the words were uttered by your doctor. Your mind went blank as she gave you an appointment date and gave you some recommendations, and vitamins on what you could start doing now. leaving the doctor's office you had a lot on your mind you intended to keep the baby. That was something you thought about long and hard last night. How would you tell Billy though, you’d have to say something eventually. Your ride to the store was silent, your dad getting out to grab things as you went threw the pharmacy isles you grabbed the vitamins while Hopper grabbed some snacks and other things. Your mind was everywhere. as Hopper paid. the ride home was silent “What are you gonna do? are you gonna tell that Billy kid?” Hopper said “yeah, I'll tell him I think I just need a minute.” you got home and went in your room waving to El as she sat in her room in the cabin. you weren't entirely sure how to tell your boyfriend this was kinda a roadblock in your guy's plans for after high school.  Go to California live carefree for a while, be wild young adults before possibly settling down. but now this threw a bit of a Rench in the plan. Billy was also a bit rough around the edges you had been keeping him in check with shit he use to say, influenced by his asshole of a father. You finally decided to tell him while the two of you were on your way home Billy driving you out near the cabin. the speed of Billy's Camero going too fast to be anywhere near safe. Half of you didn't really think much before what came out your mouth. “I'm pregnant” those two words caused the car to swerve a bit “Y/n What the hell! You don't just spring that on a guy,” he says looking between you and the road. He pulls over albeit roughly and brakes leaning his head against the wheel. He breathes out looking at you. “You're sure, like you not fucking with me,” he says lowly. you look at the roof of the car. “I'm not fucking with you I'm serious billy,” there was a long pause of silence “So are you gonna say anything,” “I mean it's mine right?” he says raising an eyebrow at you “of course, it's yours I haven't fucked anyone else,” you say slightly frustrated at his response “ Well then I'm gonna help raise it,” he said leaning back and joining you in looking at the ceiling of the Camero “I may be an ass but I want to be better than my shithead of a father,” he says breathing out “I'm not gonna leave you to do this alone okay,” he said looking at you and grabbing your hand.

dad!Billy taglist:

@and-claudia​  @daringvixen​  @justarandomflowerchildofthenight  @anothersock

Let me know if you would like to be added or taken off the taglist

[jksian]

Umm if you have study tips can u share them? Im literally gonna fail upcoming exam I feel it in my boobs 😭

In your WHAT!? lmao😭 I was malfunctioning after reading that💀 anyways....

So, the thing is that I wasn't very consistent during my college years tbh💀 like I didn't study everyday for couple of hours as most of the people suggests but still, I achieved a pretty good grade and was on the list of top students when I graduated (I graduated last year)

So, if you're thinking you're gonna fail, you are WRONG. I believe you can still make it!

So, what I did was, I used some study techniques. Which was -

Pomodoro method - well, I think it's pretty common now days. Every other student know about this I think? Basically, you study for half an hour *based you attention span because if it's short, you probably won't be able to focus for that long AT FIRST* then take 10 minutes of break and again continue it. I did it and my attention span grow much better after doing it a few times!

Warning: do not use social media or any other things where you can be distracted easily while you're on a break. Take a walk or listen to music or any other relaxing thing where you brain can adjust to the information you just consumed.

Music: music is something I listen to everyday and it helped me soooo much during my exams! NOT ANY CATCHY SONGS AND DEFINITELY NOT BTS OR KPOP🚫 do not listen to the songs to which you can dance, WE AREN'T HERE TO DANCE! we are here to study. When I said music, I meant instrumental and classic one! Listen to ambient music, piano mixed with rain sounds which will help to focus on your tast. There are some Gama sounds or something on YouTube I listened to, I don't remember💀 but listen to the music where you won't be distracted and your brain will be relaxed and help you to calm yourself so that you can focus more. Whenever I panicked about 'oh no I don't have time' or 'i won't be able to complete it' I just put some classic instrumental music on shuffle and immediately my mind relaxed. It was so helpful!

Focus: Now, ofcourse you know that you have to focus but you just.... can't, right? Yeah, that happened to me too! But, a little amount of focus right now can maybe make your life better. Maybe, if you get good grades you'll be able to go to your desired uni or your dream job or your life will be so good! I'm not saying that your grades can decide your future but what's so harmful about trying and giving your best, right? You know what you have to do to focus, hide your phone or any other distractions bla bla bla.... Everyone knows but no one applies because our brain can't let us, so tell me, why you're letting your brain control your actions? Wouldn't you be the one who will control your brain instead?

Remember, your little efforts today can make your tomorrow better.

Lastly, don't stress yourself out. Don't pressure yourself much. Don't worry. It'll be okay. The more you think 'Oh I'll fail' or 'I can't make it' or 'I don't have enough time' it will menifest in real life, instead focus on the tasks you have in-hand right now, make a strategy, devide those chapters, put some small challenges for yourself like 'I will complete this chapter in ____ amount of time' and focus on completing it and reward yourself afterwards with some food or a break.

Also, never forget to take proper amount of sleep. Let your brain rest and consume those knowledge you just pour into it all together because, now if I make you eat some food forceful and don't give you proper time to digest, you will have digestive problems or gas or even worse. Your brain is just like that. It needs nurturing just like any other part of your body.

Lastly drink water to keep yourself hydrated and eat your meals because if you don't even have nutrients and minerals in your body, how it will function properly? Then also, you brain won't be able to work.

So take care of yourself, focus, study and believe in yourself! I know you can do it.😊

Best wishes for you!🤍🌸

[whatthehelltony]

could be doing anything else right now but I’m sitting in bed with all the windows open writing text post for tumblr and freezing my ass off. My pants are too big for me and it’s making me so mad and I want to make something but idk what and it’s so messy in here and I need to clean and I feel sick so maybe i should close the windows and maybe I should eat something other than sugar and caffeine and maybe I should make lunch but it’s too late so I’ll just wait til dinner cause everyone knows calories don’t count after dark which is maybe my problem and my throat hurts and I’m cold and I want to talk to someone but instead I’m here rambling to no one and I hope that I remember to delete this before anyone I know sees it but I probably won’t and I feel like I’m wasting time but I can’t stop and I just want to do something but idk what I and I just want to build something but it seems like maybe right now I have to do nothing because the only other thing I can do is destroy and talk to much and maybe I should sleep well tonight but I’ve already decided I won’t until my giant painting has a sky and I know that i cannot move the dresser til after dark and I need to hide my energy drinks cause people are coming over and might want to sit on the closet couch and I also need to move my sewing stuff and the dress I started and of course never finished because if I don’t do it all at once it won’t get done like the book my girlfriend gave me that I had to force myself to read in one sitting cause i knew I wouldn’t otherwise and why is it is a struggle to do things I want to do and why can’t I type and the music is too loud in my earbuds but it needs to be loud and I can’t type and I feel like I’m going deaf and maybe I’m going blind cause my eyes are always blurry now and maybe I should drink some water cause otherwise I’m gonna die at practice and maybe I should eat something but I ate a cookie at midnight last night and my mom isn’t home to tell me to eat and why am I complaining cause I eat dinner and I eat and I don’t have a problem and I’m itching but I know the thing that will make it stop will be too obvious and the last thing I want is for people to know anything and I wanna go home but I’m sitting in bed with the windows open and I am home and it’s cold but the sun is shining and my heart is beating too fast and maybe it’s the caffeine or the adrenaline from talking too much or maybe it’s my heart and I’m going to die and maybe I should close the window and put a period in my writing so that people can actually read it but maybe I’m making it unreadable in purpose so that no one reads it and maybe I could not post this but we both know I have to because I can’t text my girlfriend and even if I could I know I wouldn’t say anything cause she’s got it way worse and I’m actually good so idk what I’m doing here and why I’m typing and there’s a notes app for a reason but it just isn’t the same and I need to stop and I need to put a period somewhere but it’s too bright and my eyes are blurry but I won’t sleep til tomorrow and I need to shut up but my head hurts and maybe this will make it feel better but now I have to go because people are coming over and I need to clean and I keep forgetting things and maybe I’m crazy but people who are actually crazy don’t think they’re crazy so im ok and I won’t put a period because fuck

[samuelroukin]

might be a bit too personal of a question so feel free to ignore/delete but have you struggled w/ alcoholism? i think i remember you saying that you dont drink much anymore so i just wanted to ask for idk some kind of advice cuz i just cant manage to drop that shit. thanks in advance man

hi don't worry i don't mind talking about it, but i'll put it behind a cut for others bc this got kinda long and i don't want to trigger anyone

first off i wouldn't say i am or ever have been an alcoholic especially comparing myself to other people in my life but i've had periods where i was struggling with it, getting drunk most nights and even sometimes having a drink (or two) during the day if i had to do something i felt anxious about, it was def a crutch and i occasionally fall back into it but only for short times luckily. so have that in mind, my advice might not be that useful for you

so for me it was really mostly about realizing ok this is A Thing and i don't want to let it get too far, i was pairing it with some other really unhealthy habits and started noticing some side effects (other than money lmao)

so i kinda figured ok. you don't need to do this. every time you decide to buy a bottle of whatever that's the alcohol kinda whispering in ur ear like ohhh im so fun but in the long term it's only gonna make me feel like shit, both physically and mentally. so not having it in the house made it so i could go a couple days without it, and then cave again, feel like shit, repeat.

but by stretching that time before caving i could sit with it for better or worse like now what do i do? i feel bad but drinking is gonna make me feel a different kind of bad so that's not an option (today at least! there's always tomorrow for making worse choices, idk but having that in mind helped) and then i'd find ways to distract myself, something to do with your hands can be helpful but it depends on how much brain space you have. but it gets easier and easier, slowly but surely. it's cliche but at first it really is about having that bit of control to go even a day without. that shows you that you can do it, however short at first

and then in time i won't lie you'll have moments of missing it but it's like. i know the trade off and i know it's not worth it slipping into that again because in the end it doesn't help. it's a coping mechanism and you have to either replace it with something healthier or whatever, or deal with what's making you use it. for me personally it was (and is) depression and anxiety and just shit life syndrome which aren't easy to just fix but i know drinking is gonna make all of that worse and i know better ways to deal with my feelings (could be anything for you, some people like journaling or therapy and neither of those did shit for me so. but you gotta find something)

sorry this got kinda long and rambling, and i don't know how much help it really is. i never felt like i needed outside help so i don't have any clue how that works but i've heard from others that groups like aa (maybe not aa specifically cause i've heard some weird stuff about them) can be really good for more insight and accountability but idk on a personal level

[sophieenjoysbagels]

i have a thing from november..

Mike:

I don't know why I cry. I just do. I don't mean too. My mom just used to call them little “fits of mine” oh well. but when Abby shows one bit of something everything goes to her. I've been dealing with these all my life, but I can't do anything. It's like I'm in a void. I can't move, talk or anything. My clothes get tight, I hear ringing and I just cry. It's worse when I'm in public. I used to cry just because somebody was touching me on the arm. Luckily, when me and ness met, i got comfortable around him. He's amazing and he helps me alot, mentally. He told me what I have are called “shutdowns” and he understands what I need when I can't. He gives me space, he asks to touch me on the ARM. wow. He even learned all the textures off my clothes and what I eat. Nobody has done that before. Before I took care of Abby I had a girlfriend. She didn't care for me and didn't help me whatsoever, she refused to take me in public because of my little “childish meltdowns”. Ness is way better than her. He also helps with my nightmares. He holds me while I sleep. He MAKES SURE I SLEEP. Like oh my god. I had to go on a double date thing and my little “fits” happened..”

 “Hey Mike, remember we have that double date at the mall at 2.” ness reminded mike for the 5574th time. “...yep. Bye, love you.” “bye mike.” (god i really don't wanna do this. I don't hate them, I just hate the mall even though I work there..) mike was thinking as he fidgeted with the spare change in his baggy jean pocket. (oh god.. I have to go.. wait Vanessa texted me..) we see you loser come over here. (oh god oh god oh god i can't do this today. Great ness texted me too.) on my way mike, you got this. “Huh.. maybe i can” mike thought to himself, walking over dragging his left foot. “U-u-u-u-uh h-hey guys..” (shit i fucked this up already.) “hey mike ya good?” Vanessa obviously questions. (oh good i'm gonna struggle to speak. Where is ne-) “hey guys! Hey mike!” “...” Mike just stands there blinking. Luckily ness got the hint. …”ok lets go order food..” “ how about you and cindy (Vanessa's gf) go and order quickly?” “alrighty.” vannaesa   and Cindy walk off. “Mike.” (why does he have to be so tall?!?!) “...y-eah?” (oh gosh.) “Are you ok? I'm concerned " "uhm yeah… im fine?” “Alright then. (the lunch thing is going ok. although i hated how loud it was and the lights! Why are they so bright? I feel like I'm gonna pass out. And why are my clothes so tight? “...Mike…” I don't know if i can do this? “..mike.” Can I?) “MIKE!” “oh my god do you have to yell!?” Mike screamed, tearing up a little and covering his ears. “Everybody can hear you.” “(ness: i'm gonna take him somewhere to calm down for a bit.)” “yeah.. Of course we understand!” Vanessa said. “Yeah!!” Cindy agreed. “Ok mike.. Walk with me…”

“N-ness im s-sorry -I t-tried…” “mike! I know you did.” “here.” ness said, giving mike a semi full hug while mike still had his hands over his ears. (this is kind of nice. guess he helps.) “Are you ok to go back?” “mhm i guess.” “Well it's your lucky day! We just have to say goodbye then we can leave since I dropped you off at work today.” (sigh..) Yeah ok.” ness walked back to the place where vanessa and cindy were laughing and chatting away. “Hey guys this was great but…” ness points at mike who's behind him staring at his shoes. “Yeah, of course I'm coming over to see mike tomorrow anyway.” “ok..! Bye guys..” “Mike, say bye.” “...bye..im sorry…” “bye mike, it's fine” they both say. As Ness is driving to pick up Abby with mike, he looks over and Mike is sleeping peacefully in the passenger seat. “Seems about right…'' As Ness is waiting for Abby, he puts his hand on top of Mike's. “Hey ness-” “shh.. Your brother is sleeping.” “oh ok!”When they get home Abby goes to her room and ness carries mike inside “hey ness” “yes?” he whispered. “How can you carry mike? “Well he's not that heavy, he's very lightweight.” “alright! Can I have goldfish?” “go for it 🙂”  

next day

knock knock knock. “Oh… uh hey Vannesa!” “hey ness.. How's mike?"He's good. He went to work fine today. I just want to know why he's like that.” “Yeah, same. You should get him to go get tested for something.” “you really think so?!” “yeah.. I know mike said abby had autism and adhd but i don't think he knows its genetic. There's a good chance he has it.” “we can mention it later” “actually- can you do it vanessa? I feel like he would understand better from his best frie-"" I'M HIS BEST FRIEND?!?!? OMG! I'm gonna tear up…..” “Vanessa focus…” “oh yep- sorry! Well ima go to work see ya later!!” “bye!!” “whatever..” Vanessa drives to the empty parking lot of the freddys pizzeria, seeing a familiar car. “MIKE!!” Vanessa calls out, hearing nothing. “Where are the robots..?” She starts racing to the office. Mike is fine, better than fine actually. He fell asleep and all of the robots gathered around him, making sure he's ok. “Get out of here and get back to your stage.” she shooed them away. “Mike..” ngmh “MIKE.” “OK IM SORRY DONT HURT M- oh hi Vannesa..'' Mike flashed his very signature smile. “What do you think you were doing? You know you can't sleep on the job. It's dangerous.” “I know I know, it's just- I've been dealing with stuff and it's-hard to sleep….”

[dausy]

I attempted a circus elephant. Didn't quite turn out like I wanted but alls good.

I had a horrible headache since Thursday evening and its finally given way this late morning. I was over it but once it wore off I was able to do a lot of stuff. The weather was great today. I walked outside in a skirt and I was actually warm. Just a couple days ago I was layering up still. I don't think the weather will last. Last year there was a snow storm around this time of year so I'm sure its false spring. I think I do get a bit of seasonal depression. I like cozy cold of Thanksgiving and Christmas but once the holidays are gone I was hot weather now.

I purchased a jean jacket which I've never had before that I can ever remember and I purchased a couple base layer summer dresses to layer with it. I hope they don't look dumb is all. I'm ready for farmers markets and brunch and sitting outside in the warm weather.

I did a lot of backyard work. I mean I guess it looks better but Im no landscaper. I think my neighbors were looking at me weird as I was mowing the lawn. All the grass is flattened and dead and its possible its not even grass but just a web of weeds. But I was using the mower as a leaf vacuum to try and pick up all the leaves rather than rake them. I did rake a good 10 bags of leaves but I don't have enough room in my dumpster. There was also a dead bird D: I had to pick it up. Probably gonna be bugs everywhere soon. I honestly think tomorrow Im just going to buy a ton of soil and grass seen and cover the entire yard. Im aware Im moving this year but I cannot let the sticker/goathead get out of control like it was when we moved in. My dog needs the back yard.

I have some weird work drama too. I always wanna talk about it but Im afraid of privacy issues. My boss bought us sub sandwiches for lunch a few days ago and I ended up being forced to take them all home. Ive been eating cold cut subs for the past 3 days (maybe thats why I have a headache). I gave some to the gate guards and my dog walkers family. Still had a bunch remaining. My dog walker is moving too btw in a couple months T_T my husband should be back by then but still. She said she has a replacement for me if I need it.

I've also posted this everywhere bragging on my spouse. He really did call me several weeks ago like "uhhh can you show me your Lion King collection I think I made a mistake" he knows I like TLK products and collect them but he's as clueless about my collection as I am if he asked me to buy him a gun. Like Idk what to buy. I guess its a little different because I own..a lot...and none of it is on display because we've moved so much the past couple years. So I had to take him into my closet and show him my breakables based on the boxes. I knew he found something online. I just wasnt sure which one it was.

Ive briefly scoured the internet for some sort of TLK 30th anniversary anything and havent found much. So this was a surprise to me. I would have found it eventually (and probably real soon) so he's lucky he got it to me. It was a very nice gift. It looks beautiful on my computer desk. I wish I had some of my other figures out but they'd just have to go in boxes again in a few months. One of these days I'll get a display case.

[asexual-spongebob]

chapter 11 - Peso and Shellington and the sleepover Notes:

All I’m gonna say is that I have a feeling this chapter is going to be short (edit: it is, but that’s fine) Oh and um… *insert that emotional h2o piano music here* ALSO YAY SLEEPOVER!!! enjoy some hurt/comfort shellso shit also I am so sorry abt Shellie singing weezer. I’ve been listening to a lot of weezer lately lmao. and I thought it was funny. ALSO WOOO FIRST UPDATE OF 2024 Ik I’ve said this many times but chapter 12 is complete and will be posted soon (maybe later today or tomorrow) I’m very excited to share it. also sorry for any spelling mistakes or anything.

Shellington, Kwazii and Peso had went shopping for souvenirs in a small coastal Irish town 

A boat speed by, slashing them.

He had been splashed! 

Shellington froze, he knew that it was too late to think “please no tail” so he opted to dive into the water instead. 

“Oh that water looks quite nice!” Shellington remarked awkwardly, diving into the water below, disappearing into its deep blue depths, people staring at him.

“Shellington!?” Kwazii and Peso called from above the deck.

Shellington swam back up from the surface, “here’s a towel. Matey.” Kwazii meowed, handing a clean towel to Shellington

Shellington, Kwazii and Peso were sitting at the dock, waiting for Captain Barnacles and Dashi to pick them up, Shellington looked pathetic and drenched  in his towel. 

Colours of the world Spice up your life Every boy and every girl Spice up your life People of the world 

Spice up your life Aah . 

Kwazii pulled out his indestructible Nokia phone from his pocket, with a look of embarrassment on his face, Shellington was wheezing, along with Peso

“Why is your ringtone a spice girls song” Shellington snorted “I HAVE A SPICE GIRLS HYPERFIXATION  OKAY?!” Kwazii shouted in a unhinged manner “hey no need to yell…” Peso mumbled. 

“Hey Kwazii we’re on the our way, we’ll be there soon!” Dashi smiled  “great!” Kwazii replied

“So what did you get?” Peso said, turning to face Shellington “chocolate” Shellington smirked, handing one of the small chocolates to Peso and Kwazii.

•••

Today was the last day The Octonauts would be in Ireland for awhile 

“I’m gonna miss this place…” Shellington breathed as he glanced out the window of his lab, all of the memories rushing back. 

What the hell?!

You know those strange caves I visited… well something strange happened to me.. just splash me…” 

You’re a fish???? 

yeah… those caves were really weird…. they uh- turned me into a fish..

Kwazii?!  you followed me?! 

I just wanted to make sure you were safe matey! I didn’t know where you were going! I thought you were sleep walking!

What happened??

The moon um… basically possessed you and you got really upset… oh and you got really mad at Kwazii.. and everyone found out…

who goes there!

hi Kwazii… can we talk…

Yeah sure me hearty 

So what is it?

remember when I got really mad last night… 

yeah matey. I know you didn’t mean it. Trust me. 

Over here! 

remember when I went to those strange sea caves?

yeah?

well um.. I went during a full moon and well.. The pool started bubbling and I became a merman..

Shellington stared out the window in silence, gathering his thoughts, a sad expression on his face, Peso had quietly came in the room, he couldn’t help but notice how quiet it was, and the over all sad atmosphere.

Sure, Shellington was quiet, especially while doing his research. But this felt off… dare I say eerie.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Peso said softly, placing a comforting flipper on Shellington’s back, breaking the silence. “Nothing..!” Shellington lied, flinching, not wanting to worry Peso.

“Okay… I suppose it is something..” Shellington admitted “Im kind of sad I guess…” Shellington sighed “why?” Peso pressed, “because we’re leaving…” Shellington said so quietly it was almost a whisper 

“It’s okay! I bet we’ll come back here someday!” Peso assured “thanks Peso.. Shellington replied, feeling slightly better now. 

“Maybe we should throw a sleepover?” Peso proposed  “Oh yeah!” Shellington agreed “after I take a bath we can!” Shellington added, grabbing a towel and walking to the bathroom.

“AND I DON’T WANNA BE AN OLD MAN ANYMORE ITS BEEN A YEAR OR TWO SINCE I WAS OUT ON THE FLOOR SHAKING BOOTY MAKING SWEET LOVE EVERY NIGHT!!!” Shellington’s horrendous singing boomed from the bathroom, Tweak walked by the bathroom door questioning her life decisions. 

••• 

Shellington grabbed the popcorn and candy and lied some blankets and pillows down on the floor in the game pod. 

“Hey we’re throwing a sleepover, wanna join?” Peso asked Dashi,  “oh sure!” Dashi smiled. Later on, Dashi was painting Kwazii’s claws and putting a face mask on him as they watched Tweak sing some karaoke with Kwazii’s karaoke machine, making Dashi blush. 

Captain Barnacles was watching a movie, Shellington held Peso in his paws and was licking his face “thanks Peso” Shellington purred affectionately as he munched on some popcorn “¡De nada, Shellington!” Peso chirped.