#im gonna be so honest i dont know what to even tag this as trigger wise?

[lazarish]

[Long, shuddering groan]

[electricsockhead]

💓 jenelope headcanons 💓

side notes:

1 -> it’s established relationship cuz idk how to write f-t-l with them 😖😖😖

2 -> this is set in like seasons 1 & 2, so there’s no kids and jj is still media liaison

3 -> please come talk to me about them!! idc if you’re seeing this posts 6 months after I posted it or 12 years (if I’m still active) PLEASE COME TALK TO ME ABOUT THEM 🥺🥺🥺

4 -> Trigger Warnings:

brief mentions of SA! (talking about their job)

possible displays neurodivergent traits! (if you’re neurotypical, this trigger is not for you, it’s for those in ND community who get triggered by stimming and mentions of breakdowns. also, the only reason “possible” is added is because I’m not neurodivergent (nor a doctor) so I have no personal experience with with these, and I don’t know if they’re considered neurodivergent traits. if you’re neurodivergent im 100% willing to listen to your opinions and thoughts on this!!!)

jj loves falling asleep over penelope, and loves holding one of her hands and just fiddling with her fingers (interlacing them, kissing her knuckles, etc)

Penelope always played with jjs hair when they do that, and she loves trying to make a braid with just one hand. sometimes she tangles jjs hair a little and they laugh 🥰🥰

when JJ is having a bad day she sits cross-legged on one of Penelope’s desks and just fiddles with Penelope’s toys

occasionally throughout the day penelope will go over and just hold her waist and rest her head on one of JJ’s thighs and JJs hand automatically goes to her head and starts fiddling with her hair

On days where she can’t stay in Penelope’s office she takes one of the toys with her and is fiddling with it all days and doesn’t let go for too long

On those days when they get home they cuddle and sometimes if it was really bad jj will break down and cry into Penelope’s shoulder and Penelope just comforts her through it 🥺🥺🥺

sometimes she also gets really touch averted so they’ll just sit next to each other while jj sobs into her hands, and Penelope just sits with her so she doesn’t feel alone 🥺🥺

On game nights they always have so much fun and they rarely bicker over the color/object of the players because penny will always go for the smallest or pink one and jj will always go for the one with more texture or blue one (ex. on the life game, penny gets the pink car and jj gets the blue one, or monopoly, jj gets the Statue of Liberty because it has a lot of bumps and she runs her fingers through them all the time because it calms her down and helps her feel grounded, and penny gets the hat because it’s small and sometimes she likes to just run her fingers through the “hem” — they rarely ever leave their pieces on the board which causes them to forget where they were but it’s ok cuz they always have fun 🥰🥰)

On their days off, they like to go on picnics and jj takes care of the setting while Penelope takes care of the snacks

jj always picks somewhere with a body of water, usually a river but they live nearby a lake and sometimes they go there as well

she absolutely loves seeing the water just move on the river or just stare at the cute ducks on the lake

Penny always has cookies and extra money in her bag cuz she knows jjs gonna want to get ice cream

at dinner time, usually penny cooks, but jjs always with her, sitting on the counter and trying to help out (even tho penny said not to worry, and that she likes to do it by herself, and also to give jj a break from always working), and when she has nothing to do (or nothing in her hands to fiddle with) she’ll set the table extra nice with candles and wine

jj loves when they’re too lazy or too tired to cook anything so she just makes ham and cheese sandwiches for them and they sit on the couch and watch TV.

Penny loves putting on romantic dramas or romantic comedies while jj likes putting on western/action movies (it gives closure she never got as a kid 🥺💔)

One thing they can’t watch is horror because then the next day they can’t really do their job right because they just keep going back to the movie that depicts what they only see the aftermath of (like yeah they see the dead body and they’re informed of sa, but if a movie is graphic enough that it’ll depict it, then the next time they hear a victim was SAed they’ll be able to picture it and it just makes the job a lot harder to do 🥺💔)

On a lighter note, they have movie nights every Saturday and a lot of times they settle for Disney movies, and they’ve watched lady and the tramp so much that they know a lot of the dialogue

They also sometimes like to put it on mute and make up their own dialogue, and they always have so much fun with it

They have this little plush toy they keep in between them, so when one has a nightmare they can cuddle it while also cuddling each other (like if jj has a nightmare, she’ll get cuddles from penny, with the plushy in her own arms)

every morning they wake up half an hour earlier then they’re supposed to so that they can be lazy in bed and steal sleepy kisses and still get up in time and not be late for work

they never tried to hide their relationship from the team, but they weren’t necessarily public about it.

Hotch was the first to know, and he’s like “there’s fraternization rules against it, so no one on this team should be in a relationship” but then pulls them aside and he’s like, I don’t know nothing, I ain’t see nothing, but if hypocritically there was something, I’d be happy with it, BUT I DONT KNOW NOTHING (aka, he supports their relationship, but doesn’t want them to get in trouble 🥺🥰)

the next to find out is Morgan and he’s * o f f e n d e d * that his bbg never told him and she was like “you never asked 🤷” and he’s like “yeah, fair point” (obv. he also supports it)

When Elle finds out she’s like “hot.” And they both blush, but she’s supportive and it hurts them more then anyone else when she leaves because she’s the only other queer woman they’re close with, but then when Emily joins, she can smell the gays a mile away and it brings them a bit of comfort

When Spencer find out he’s also * o f f e n d e d * they didn’t tell him, but he gets super excited and buys them a bunch a Pride stuff for them because he knows they might not use it so he gets an excuse to have gay shit lying around his house (🚪🚪🚪)

Gideon never really payed attention to their “friendship” but when hotch offhandedly mentions it he acts like he already knew, and doesn’t make a big deal out of it (let’s be honest this man is an ally ☺️☺️)

as time progresses, they become more and more open about it, and occasionally will display copious amounts of PDA, and the team finds it absolutely adorable because they’re so happy for them 🥰🥰

the end ☺️✨

if y’all don’t mind, I’m tagging @geeky-son-dr-reid and @gleaminginthespotlight 🥺 ilysm

[ricciaryoyo]

I really didnt wanna hop on this topic, because its kind of sensitive in the fandom. But just gotta, because its bothering me and i dont have anyone to get it of my chest to.

Idk if i should put a trigger warning or not but im gonna talk about all maxies shit and not-shit and stuff so.. Idk be warned or smt.

Now just a disclaimer. I dont mean to sugarcoat what max has said whatsoever. Im also not gonna name any specific incidents, plain because a lot of people have already done that and i cant really name any from the top of my head

Max can be an asshole, i cant deny that. He's said a bunch of questionable and just straight up mean shit. Also not gonna deny any of that.

What i am gonna say is however, that a lot of things max said have been taken out of context, to make him sound more asshole-ish. He's portrayed as this extremely blunt, bordering rude, dutch personality. And yes he is blunt. Thats normal for a dutch person, we shock a lot of people with it, he is like that.

For many english people we may seem extremely rude, but for us, its mainly just our culture. Where we were raised, almost everyone is like that. A lot of people just straight up say what is on their mind, with barely any filter.

And even if max has spend a lot of time outside of that blunt environment, his entire existence, personality and just plain his view on the world was build around that. Its not gonna change.

I guess people sometimes forget that there is not just one white culture. But im not gonna go there because thats a hole different story.

What im trying to say is, Max has a very unfortunate mix of things going on. It portrays him as a racist white dude with a big mouth. Which, frankly, he's not. He's said shit and he's an idiot for not apologizing, but common guys, is it really that bad?

The f1 tag is being hella dramatic rn, and i hate every second of it because i grew up for the past 7 or 8 ish years of my life idolizing this guy.

I know everyone has their own view on this, and i guess my upbringing, being in a similar environment could be clouding my judgement.

Im gonna continue supporting my super lion boy. Agree if you do, dont if you dont, i dont really care to be very honest.

Everyone has their own opinions and i do respect that. Just, please stop acting like the world is ending because max got pole position. He worked hard for this and he deserves everything hes getting.

Thanks for comming to my ted talk, and lets hope for an exciting but save race tomorrow :)

[justlightlysedated]

20 Questions

20 questions, writer's edition, I was tagged by @lambourngb 😊❤❤

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

71! 70 for roswell and one for vagrant queen

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

468, 583!!

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

not entirely sure tbh, but let's count now:

timkon, bandom, glee, specifically pukurt, but some other ships too, merlin, doctor who, torchwood, teen wolf, agents of shield, runaways, the old guard, vagrant queen, and obviously, roswell new mexico

i think there might be more, but i don’t remember rn

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

the cost of greatness, which i cowrote with marlo

a cure i know that soothes the soul (does so impossibly), the first pwp i wrote for this fandom lol

the person that you’d take a bullet for is behind the trigger, which i wrote for marlo

for better or for worse (til death do us part), which i also cowrote with marlo lol

it might be your wound but they’re my sutures, which i also wrote for marlo

so the pattern im sensing here is that my most popular fics were written with/for marlo which sounds about right lol

5. What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

i am not sure tbh, i write some pretty angsty one shots and longer fics, but i TRY to at least give a slightly hopeful ending, tho now that i’m thinking about it, i think the angstiest thing i’ve written was that prompt fill based on the song, for island fires and family, i remember SOBBING the entire time that i wrote it (there is miluca in that one), but ALSO there is the fic i wrote in reaction to the season one finale, which also made me cry, which was called, we both know how this story ends

6. What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

once again i’m not sure, like i said before, i try to give my fics hopeful endings if they’re really angsty, and i love me some hurt/comfort, but i’m not entirely known for writing happy, fluffy fics, tho i do TRY sometimes for certain people

7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you've written?

yes!! i do love me some crossovers, and i guess i would have to say the malex, sort of doctor who au, i’m technically still writing for tove

8. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yes??? but i’m not sure if i could classify it, like i’ll write pretty much anything within reason and if it doesn’t squick me out

9. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

okay, so like don’t hate me, but no, i rarely, if ever respond to comments, i just don’t know what to say at all, like i’m the type of person that really wants every single message to be unique and special, but there are only so many ways to thank someone for reading your fic, so i just tend to post things and then thank everyone for reading afterwards, if there is someone that shows up often on my notifications, or if someone asks me a specific question pertaining to the story, then i will answer, i also answer back if i wrote the fic for someone and they left a comment, and if i’m sent an ask on here about something that i wrote, but i am simultaneously the world's most shy and confident person ever, when it comes to my writing, so i’m so sorry

this doesnt mean that i dont appreciate every comment that i get because i really do, im just super shy and awkward and i may write good-ish, but i do NOT have the same way with words in person

10. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

not really?? if i have i don’t remember it, usually i’m the one who talks the worse about my own writing

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes, the only kurtbastian fic i’ve ever written was translated into russian

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yep!! as y’all probably saw from my top five fics up there somewhere, marlo @bestillmyslashyheart is basically my fic writing soulmate, we just really click when it comes to writing

14. What's your all time favourite ship? to write for?

atm it’s malex, which is more than obvious, BUT before they hijacked my brain and made their home within my neurons, it was skimmons!!! i wrote fic for them for YEARS, even after i stopped watching aos

15. What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, i’m just gonna talk about fics that i’ve posted and haven’t updated and not any of the hundreds of wips that have never seen the light of day, my original witch au tbh, i just, roswell made maria and isobel somehow related, and just made me really uncomfortable with the ship, which is the main reason that i’m not gonna finish the fic if i’m being perfectly honest, there is ALSO that au i had where michael’s daughter from the future comes back to the past and she had been raised by alex, because of reasons that are petty, probably my space opera au as well, and only because i just want to write other things MORE

16. What are your writing strengths?

i think i’m good at describing things, especially kisses, i LOVE writing kisses, it’s one of my favorite things, that and my fight scenes are two of the things i pride myself the most on

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

dialogue, sometimes i feel the characters are ridiculously out of character, but then i don’t care because sometimes in canon characters are also ridiculously out of characters, also describing things, because sometimes i just feel like scenes don’t flow right, i am definitely a comma whore, and use dashes and hyphens in places they definitely shouldn’t be used, run-on sentences are my best friends, also english isn't my first language, so, sometimes the way i phrase things just come out wrong

18. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

tbh completely honest, i follow the nora sakavic method where you just write the dialogue in english like, “hey there love,” they said in perfect french, and i only break this rule if i actually know the language because just translating straight from english always makes things sound stilted and weird

19. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

dc comics, i wrote several timkon fics which i posted on livejournal

20. What's your favourite fic you've written?

oh, i know that love is all about the wind, how it can hold me up and kill me in the end (still i loved it), no specific reason why, i just love it with my entire heart!!

and that's it!! im not gonna tag anyone cause I saw that most ppl were already tagged, but if you want to do this just say that I tagged you!!

[hanmine]

Okay so sometimes I see some anons tell you you're mean/rude or shit talk about others blablabla, and personally speaking I can't say anything about that since I only started following you recently, but I'll be honest, these people deserve it when they either ask you your self ship art or when they ask you to tag something in YOUR blog for their ""safety"".

I also sometimes feel uncomfortable with some self ships (not you in particular, but anyone in general) because well, I don't know, it must be something psychological since I also like them ig, but I have no right to tell anyone else what to do with their own blog, Scrolling is the best option, it takes 1 second.

i feel like i have a very "one or the other" personality LMAO you either have a very nice tee or a very snappy tee

it honestly kinda just stems from my short temper if were being honest here erjfberhbhgv (im working on it—its a 19 year wip okay ?? LMAO) but i like to think i snap only when its asked for. all things considered, sometimes ig i can be a bitch lmao i can live with that, but i wouldnt say im like morally skewed or anything. if it was a tw or something like that id definitely tag it for ppls safety bc id never want my blog to trigger someones traumas and stuff

but a self ship on my self insert writing blog...could we maybe not be so self absorbed on my blog ?? i have it for my own entertainment above everyone else's

anyway, life lessons with tee even though im definitely not qualified for this oh well. ur always gonna be a villain in someones story so its okay if some people think ur mean and stuff, id rather be mean than a pushover. im sure ive misinterpreted the tone of an ask here and there and snapped at someone who had genuine intentions, but its bound to happen im human. i do genuinely want to be nice to everyone though, i dont get like a kick out of being mean or anything, i just have a hard time keeping my cool when ppl are rude or inconsiderate

but i also think its fair game at that point tho to be snappy

[thoradvice]

tw depressive thoughts, suicidal ideation, conversoin therapy mention, homophobia, death, anxiety, panic attacks, overdose

//

//

hey thor, if you could please tag this with those and more that you see fit, i wouldn't want to trigger anyone, thank you.

but i've been struggling the past year with a lot. i'm bisexual, and my parents are extremely homophobic and i dont doubt that they would send me to conversation therapy if given the chance. my papa, the only person i truly ever think loved me, passed away four days before my birthday in september. my anxiety attacks have worsened so much that i get them when i get below a 85 on an assignment. i have to take care of my two little brothers almost entirely by myself. my mother couldn't give a shit about me and i haven't seen my dad since he found out my mom was pregnant with another mans baby. that was two months ago.

i'm only 15, but i dont wanna be here anymore. the only reason i haven't done anything yet is because of my little brothers. they're the only thing keeping me here. i hate myself. i'm the spitting image of my mother and i cant stand to look myself in the mirror. all i see is her screaming at me, telling me i'm worthless and i don't deserve to be here in anymore. i held a bottle of the strongest medicine in the cabinet this morning, and i was so close to locking the door and taking them. i don't know why i sent this in, but i feel like i've talked so much to my mutuals on here and at this point i'm boring them, like they dont care anymore.

im going back to my therapist in a couple weeks, and i have a feeling i'll be put back on my meds. i just want this feeling to go away. i dont want to feel like this anymore. i want to be there for my little brothers and my soon-to-be little sister. i want them to see me as their strong older sister, not the girl who cant go three hours without crying.

i want to get better, but i don't know how to do that thor.

hi there, honey. i’m so so beyond sorry that you feel like this. please know that you deserve so much better. you deserve loving, accepting parents. you deserve a happy life. you deserve to feel good. i’m also gonna take this one point at a time, and give advice on each, because i think that way i’ll be able to give the most in-depth help.

it’s hard to deal with homophobic parents. it really is. but you don’t owe them your sexuality. you never have to tell them, especially if your safety is threatened. i know how hard it is to be closeted and to know that your parents won’t & don’t support you. but there is so much more than your parents. you will meet so many people who love, accept and support you for who you are, no matter what. i’m a huge believer in found family, and i believe that you can find your family. know that you’re not wrong. your feelings aren’t wrong. you will never be perverted or bad or gross for being bisexual. it’s so much more than okay to be bi. your sexuality is beautiful.

your mother is wrong. so so wrong. you’re worth so much. you’re a living, breathing person. that alone gives you so much inherent worth. nothing and nobody, including your mom, can ever take that away from you. there’s nothing that you or anyone else can do that will ever make you worthless and anything less than a person who deserves the best that life has to offer. you may look like your mother, but that doesn’t make you like her. from this ask alone, i can tell that you’re a loving, caring and strong individual. your mom seems the opposite. 

you do deserve to be here. so so much. you deserve so much more than you believe right now. i’m so sorry that anyone has ever made you feel otherwise, and even more sorry that you think that suicide is the only way out. i know that these words are easy to say, but they’re true. i’m not much older than you (almost seventeen) and i’ve tried to kill myself several times, more times than i want to think about. i never thought that i was worth anything, that i deserved to be here. i hated myself beyond belief and i saw so much of my past self in your words. i’m by no means recovered, and i do still want to die some of the time. but i know that i have worth, and that i deserve to be here. i know that i’m not a bad person, and that i’m loved. my point here is that there is a future beyond this. it’s only in the last eight or so months that i’ve begun to feel like this. hell, i planned a suicide attempt back in march. recovery is possible for you. please believe me when i say this. it will take time, and effort, and it’s going to be hard. but you’re worth it. you owe it to yourself - your eight year old self, your thirty year old self, and your seventy year old self - to give life a chance.

that’s good !! that’s beyond good. i’m proud of you for that. please talk to your therapist & be honest with how you’ve been feeling. your meds will almost definitely help with this, and you’ll start to feel better soon. if they don’t work well for you, you can ask your therapist if you can switch them. opening up to your therapist, though, will absolutely be the best step in feeling okay again.

you’re so strong. so so fucking strong. you’re dealing with all of this, and you’re still here. that’s amazing. you want to get better, and you’re trying to make that happen. i’m sure your brothers (+ future sister) treasure you and know just how strong you are. please know that i’m so proud of you. it takes so much strength to know that you want to recover, and to reach out like this, to talk about your feelings at all. you’re so loved and you’re worth so much. please come talk to me (via asks or messages. if you prefer other social media, i can give you my instagram) if you ever need anything at all. best of luck <3

[lemonadelyric]

2, 4, 5, 7, 11, 12, 13, 19, 20, 22, 23, 25, 26, 28, 29, 30, 31, 33, 35, 36, 40, 41, 42, 43, 52, 53, 55, 56, 57, 58

SO MANY ASKS thank you anon!!! I'm sorry if some are some that are vague but thank you!!!

2. what would you name your future kids? I always liked the name Alexandria, but honestly I can't think of any other names??? I liked Skylar for a while too, but this friend of mine ruined that lmao

4. what are you looking forward to? IM LOOKING FORWARD TO READING MORE WARRIOR CATS and also to getting me and my bf's room cleaned up and moved around, and having his best friend over, and going out for SUSHI, and being able to play Rockband and everything!!!

5. is there anyone who can always make you smile? MY PARTNERS and a lot of my friends!! I always say I couldn't be with someone who doesn't make me laugh, so it's great having friends that make me laugh too <3

7. what was your life like last year? About the same, stuck at home for the most part with my boyfriend. 2020 was nuts man. I also didn't know what to do with my life, and I'm slowly getting there. I think I have an idea but,,,, that's a secret.

11. are you listening to music right now? NOPE but it would probably be Montero tbh LOL

12. what is something you want right now? Hmmm.. My room cleaned up and moved around! FOR MY WINDOWS TO BE SEALED SO BUGS WILL STOP BOTHERING ME!

13. how do you feel right now? Pretty good! Bought everything I'm gonna need for a looooong time, all my time and energy will be spent reading, and saving money!! I've spent enough for a century x.x

19. have you ever been to New York? Never, how's the weather?

20. what is your favourite song at the moment? MONTERO but also a bunch of NSP songs haha

22. description of crush. You know.. I don't think I have any big crushes right now? Like maybe some platonic ones on friends cause they mean a lot to me, but like, there's no one I'm really crushing on right now!

23. fear(s) Spiders, stink bugs, thunder/lightning sometimes, tornados, falling (heights not so much, but falling, YES), and my loved ones leaving or dying :') big trigger lmao

25. role model Not sure if I really have one! I kind of just live by the motto of "be a good person" and bam, off I go

26. idol(s) Okay that's different: Markiplier, Ethan Nestor, Arin Hanson, Dan Avidan, Jennifer Aniston, John Krasinski, Lady Gaga, uhhh... Okay I have a lot but we'll stop there lol

28. i’ll love you if… You're funny, you care about me, you're honest, open-minded, NICE TO WORKERS, and we have a lot of the same interests c:

29. favourite film(s) O Brother Where Art Thou, You're Next, The Proposal, Fifty First Dates, and uh... probably a couple more I can't think of

30. favourite tv show(s) THE OFFICE, Friends, Zoo, Parks and Rec, and uhhh probably more but The Office is one I rewatch a LOT

31. 3 random facts About me? Uhhhh -I have slight sectoral heterochromia! Patches of amber in my eyes! -I'm half hispanic (Mexican!) My biological father was from Mexico with his family. He and my mom broke up before I was born, so I didn't like learn Spanish or anything from his side of the family. I grew up near Chicago though so I was around the culture a lot C: -I have all of the first Harry Potter movie memorized, along with the second one ^^;; My grandmother liked the series with me, so we both watched the movies a lot in the summers I spent with her!

33. something you want to learn Mostly languages!!! Toki Pona, Japanese, Spanish, probably more xD I'd also like to be more knowledgable about like playing instruments and such, I know how to play a little of the kalimba!!

35. favourite subject I loved English! Also psychology and like, social studies TwT I miss school sometimes

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill? -I want to move out and live on my own with my partner(s) -I want a full time job I like -I want to achieve some sort of fame, something little, but something! (SOMETHING GOOD, PLEASE, UNIVERSE)

40. favourite memory Probably.. Okay it's dumb, but me getting my cat, Pixel! She means the world to me, and I love her so much!! I went to the shelter to adopt a cat, she wasn't even on my list, but when the shelter worker took her out of her cage and handed her to me, she immediately laid against my chest and purred and I cried and had to adopt her ;;w;;

41. relationship status In several relationships, and open to more ; ) (But not really looking, I got a lot on my plate haha)

42. favourite book(s) Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson, the Warriors series by Erin Hunter, The Tairen Soul Series by C.L.Wilson, and the Black Dagger Brotherhood series by J.R.Ward

43. favourite song ever OH that's a hard one! Hmmm.. I've always been a huge fan of Believe by Cher??

52. something i’m talented at I'd like to say I'm.. pretty good at picking up new things! Like crochet, knitting, and my kalimba, stuff like that! Also at teaching others C: I've been told I'm good at that a lot!

53. 5 things that make me happy -My cat, Pixel -My partners -My friends! -Animal Crossing -WARRIOR CATS

55. tumblr friends Okay I have a lot uuUUHHH okay I'll tag some people!

@disabled-bat-lover @chaoticgouda @fictionkin @bi-llcipher  @thaliaisalesbian @colorfulblackk @xofemeraldstars @heartivore @boi-with-art-supplies @likelyvampirical @deepseachaos PROBABLY WAY MORE IM SO SORRY IF I DONT TAG YOU

56. favourite food(s) Pizza, waffles, tacos, soda, string cheese, Iiii think that's it for now!

57. favourite animal(s) FOXES, bats, mice, dogs, cats, wolves, rats, opossums, uhh I think that's it?

58. description of my best friend Hmmm.. Is it cheesy to say my partners are my best friends? Other than that, uh, well she's very nice and understanding, trusts me, and we have a lot of the same humor. She's really supportive too and is really good about checking in. It's been great ;;o;;

Thank you anon, this was SO MANY QUESTIONS I loved it!!!

[itsays]

I want to watch Daughters since it first appeared as a suggestion on iQiyi. I haven't started yet because 1) I've never watched a Thai drama; 2) I haven't been able to enjoy (is this gramatically correct? I don't think so) any drama for awhile and 3) I'm afraid it will be too sad or explicit. I'm okay with sad shows, BUT I've seen the trigger warnings on mydramalist tags. Could you ellaborate about how cruel it is? I know that for sure it isn't a show for binge watching. +

+ To summarize, I want to know if it's too explicit regarding to both sex and violence, because I don't like shows that dwell on explicit scenes. This being said, the fact that it's a female centric drama sounds interesting, so I would like to know (sorry for so many questions!) if the friendships are nicely portrayed. No spoilers, please. Thanks in advance for your patience and have a nice week.

I added both your messages into one!

daughters is an amazing drama with amazing acting and overall an amazing cast! in terms of production it’s just so perfect! HOWEVER yes there are a lot of trigger warnings :( the sex isnt explicit i think that’s not the explicit part of the show at all, there are however instances of abuse (verbal, physical and sexual) which i was personally not ready for and i certainly wasnt thinking they would make me as uncomfortable as they have because i tend to deal with explicit scenes rather well. for the drug use i would say it is as explicit as you can go for thai dramas which since you’ve never watched one let me specify: it is all censored. it is all there on screen but censored. to me the fact that the characters and story lines feel so realistic is what makes those scenes so difficult to watch, not it been overly explicit or gruesome. personally what i’ve been doing is skipping over a scene if i cant handle it because it doesnt affect the plot because by simply watching 5 seconds of it i already know what is happening and it’s not like they dwell on it as if it were “torture porn” or something (also there’s not much skipping to do for me at least, you’re not gonna have to skip every 2 scenes).

as for their friendship... i am a very emotional person so i wanna give you my “emotional” opinion but also a more rational one.... 

i think it’s just... so wholesome and beautiful, it is a found family dynamic.  if you’ve checked the iQiyi page you know this is about a group of kids from marginalized communities and broken homes, so these kids all come together and are a family to each other, a support system they cant get anywhere else. they never judge each other they just wanna help each other really. sadly i have to be honest... the more the series progresses the more obvious it gets this is no longer a healthy friendship, i mean it starts out relatively innocent but it gets to a point where is just a group of helpless kids who NEED guidance and actual parental figures and that’s just not something they are gonna get from other kids in the same situation as them. the factors of being a family and always helping each other are still there but also i admit it has become a viscous cycle for them at this point. even so i still love their friendship so much because even at their worst they recognize their friendship is all they have, i just have to put myself on a more realistic perspective and admit it’s not healthy though, as much as i love them. this is very conflicting to me because i genuinely LOVE their friendship and it makes PERFECT SENSE i just feel the need to admit it’s not healthy.

the show is really worth watching in my opinion but i dont want to sugar coat the fact that it does have triggering scenes which you can either skip (like i have a lot of the times) or you can choose not to watch it for that reason honestly.

also just my personal opinion, but i actually wanted to binge watch this show, just take it all in one go you know... the only reason i didnt do that is because i grew too impatient and now im literally just counting down the days for the next episode everyday tbh 

[silverandarsenic-hcs]

Ghost BC x Bipolar Disorder

disclaimer: everyone with bipolar deals with it differently, has different symptoms, different levels, and different coping mechanisms. im just speaking from experience here cause im just not dealing with it all right now!!! wooohoo!!! ive never talked about this so if you want me to add anyone let me know. 

If hearing about mania/manic states and depressive episodes could trigger you or worsen your mental health, please don’t keep reading. all triggers in the tags as usual. also im doing it as You and not I or “their s/o” for nothing but formatting reasons and laziness. questions and concerns may be as usual directed to the confessional (ask box)

Papa II: It’s kind of difficult with him. He understands the episodes, and that sometimes you can just have regular ups and downs, and that it’s not 100% all the time. He gets depression to a certain extent too. those days you don’t want to get out of bed, don’t have the energy to cry, don’t have the energy to blink so you just let your eyes burn. and when youre up, it’s self destruction, intrusive thoughts, the screaming, the energy. Everything just feels like it’s going too fast, whether you know you’re having an episode or not. II is really good at helping you navigate your episodes. He wont push you to calm down, or tell you to “just be happy” when youre up and down. He’s good at helping things feel real. Helping you come down inside enough that you can recognize yourself in the mirror. Whether you don’t believe in medication, or went off it, or it isn’t working for you, he’ll support you no matter what and never think you’re crazy or awful or manipulating him. He knows you cant control it. 

Papa III: He tries to understand, he really does, but theres so many hard stigmas about bipolar that are hard to let go. That it’s day to day, or hour to hour moods instead of episodes that can last a few days to a few weeks. He knows it’s not his fault, but seeing you talk faster than your brain can process your words, your bursts of manic energy where you just wanna run and your bad ideas, knowing whats going on in your head, it makes him feel useless knowing theres nothing he can do to help you. All he can try to do is talk you off the ledge when you’re about to do something Not Great, and make sure to keep communication open so that if you feel an episode coming on you can try and find ways to stop it together. when you’re depressed, he tries the classic stuff to make you smile: movies, warm blankets, cuddling, forehead kisses, whatever fluff ive put in these hcs before. but it doesn’t work. it cant possibly work when you can’t stop crying and don’t even want him around. and thats a hard pill to swallow - hard to really understand its not him you don’t want around, it’s just that you don’t want anyone around. His best suggestion is to talk to a therapist because he never wants to give you any bad ideas, or bad coping mechanisms, or say something that could trigger an episode, and it’s hard for him to really understand where those lines are if theyre changing all the time (and they usually are). 

Dewdrop: he’ll vibe with you. he doesn’t really understand what you’re going through in any capacity, and why its such a bad thing when you have energy, but whatever you wanna do he’ll do it with you. if you’re manic, he’ll probably try to get on your level - and hear me out, i know this is a dangerous game and AWFUL for someone to do when you’re manic, but listen. If he tries to get on your level when you’re Up, it’s easier for him to understand what you’re thinking. If you tell him something kinda crazy you wanna do when he’s coolin, of course it’s gonna sound crazy and a bad idea and he’ll try and stop you - but that doesn’t get the Crazy out. if he’s up, he can better judge what’s a fun little reckless thing to do vs what’s actually dangerous and what to keep you away from. And he’s good at distracting. Good at steering your constantly crashing train of thought. When you’re in a depressive state, he’ll just lay there with you. he won’t try and talk it out of you, or suggest you do something fun, or tell you how everything's gonna be okay. he doesnt know that for sure and he’s not going to lie to you. but he’s figured out the more still and quiet he is when you’re down like that, the less likely you are to try and kick him out or push him away. The more he rides those waves with you the more he can understand what you’re going through, and learn about what your lines and triggers are. 

Swiss: okay i havent talked about this that much on this account (its a big part of my book haha please read it) but Swiss is Smart. like ridiculously book smart, math smart, people smart, street smart. once hes been around you for long enough, he’s sometimes better at noticing the signs of an episode before you do. He’s really perceptive when it comes to the tone of your voice, little ticks, what you’re saying, how you’re dressing. You know he’s paying attention, but he does it in a way that doesn't make you feel like you’re being watched or monitored ever. everyone knows thats fucking annoying and feels invasive as hell. When you’re manic he’s good at helping you get back to a place of center. not calm, or back to normal, but centered. grounded. it’s hard to feel like you even Exist in the same world as other people sometimes and he gets that. definitely watches how much time you spend online, cause that can make the Not Existing feeling a lot worse. When you’re low, he’s good at talking to you. he’ll direct the conversation to and from whatever you’re upset about if anything, in a way that doesn’t feel invasive or like pestering. if you dont wanna talk about whatever's wrong (and lets be honest, sometimes its Nothing) then he’ll get you to talk about something. Anything just to keep you talking. The goal isn’t to make you laugh and smile, maybe its just to make you feel less alone in the world, but if you do laugh and smile that’s just a cherry on top. 

- Kat

disclaimer part two: there are no excuses mental illness or otherwise for treating your partner poorly and putting someone who cares about you (anyone, really) through hell just because they’ll take it or because you wont seek help isnt okay.

[mieczyhale]

okay so…. anyone else get a weird feeling hearing the broken jaw story for the first time?? like.. that kind of feeling you get when someone is talking to you and you feel like you’re missing something or they’re leaving something out?? 

diego said klaus fell down the stairs, while wearing grace’s heels, and broke his jaw which was wired shut for eight weeks. and it could just be a funny little sibling story like the ‘licking a battery to get pubes’ one but.. that one didnt feel weird the way the broken jaw one did. the battery story is funny, not even two lines said in passing, and it doesn’t feel like it needs to be any more than that. like.. i dont have any questions, i dont need to know more about the story. it just is. 

but the broken jaw story… mmm… it doesn’t feel like that. it doesn’t feel like a funny little story, even when diego tries to make light of it because of klaus’s silence. and it leaves a bad feeling after. the first time i heard it i came away uneasy and with questions - and that could just be me, i’ve seen a fic or two with the angle i’m heading towards here but it doesn’t seem to be a popular hc?? but also i could just be missing a lot of posts lmao 

anyway

the hc hill i find myself sitting on is more like a few hcs that all stem from the same main one - which is this:: reginald caused klaus’s broken jaw. klaus was wearing grace’s heels, yeah - that’s very him, but instead of tripping i think reginald caught him and either 1. pushed him down the stairs or 2. hit him hard enough he fell OR 3. klaus did trip down the stairs but it didnt break his jaw - reginald, appearing at the bottom of the stairs, hits him hard enough with his cane to break his jaw. i think all three are possible and they all would leave.. pretty much zero evidence. cuz even if hitting klaus left a mark.. once he hit the floor, once he broke his jaw, it could just be chalked up to being caused by the fall/”fall” yknow?? 

i just feel like there’s something darker missing from the story - diego finds it funny, from his perspective it would be - clumsy klaus. klaus? doesnt find it funny. and sure he’s already down because of vietnam but he does express other feelings later in the episode so he could’ve at least acknowledged diego. but he didn’t. idkidk i feel like i’m not explaining myself very well?? i know what i’m trying to express here - my hcs and my reasoning - but its just… not coming out entirely perfect? but whatever - i at least managed to explain the basics of so i guess that’s good enough ;sdfl;slk if anyone has questions or wants to talk more about this literally just reply/reblog/send an ask - i am always game to talk about this (the umbrella academy) shit

OH! and the second hill i sit on, which i’m including in this post bc its kinda related, is one i know a lot of people are also on and that is that his broken jaw was his first experience with drugs and where he learned that he could make the spirits go away. whether his injury was truly an accident or something worse, the drugs he was put on to deal with the pain triggered the start of what would be an 18/19-ish year spiral. and nobody ever pieced that together, no matter how obvious it should’ve been - either right away or when things started getting out of control. but people are naive, ignorant, blind and nobody took it seriously until it was too late

but THAT is a whole separate thing for another time bc i could honestly vent forfuckingever about the years between klaus starting with alcohol and drugs and him leaving the academy. i could also vent forever about the years AFTER the academy too, if im being honest. its something i spend a lot of time thinking about so i’ve got hcs but also things that i just think could be possibilities but i dont necessary consider them hcs? what im saying is i could vent forever about klaus just in general. love of my goddamn life

@hellomyguru (tumblrs been a bastard child lately and i dont trust it so im just gonna tag you ;lsdfs)

[anarcho-smarmyism]

God i fucking feel the whole psychiatrists are shit / fuck the medical system vibe. My shrink ignored and downplayed my complaints about antidepressants and kept increasing the dose until i went full on manic state mode. Now i dont trust anyone and im still suffering lmfao

yeah you would not BELIEVE the shit i had to do to get doctors in Texas to take me seriously about any mental disorder that wasn’t either bipolar, anxiety, or depression. people really think that it’s just as simple as “getting up and going to the doctor!!!” but in reality it’s more like: 

(this got WAY long so it’s under a cut lmao) (trigger warning for basically everything you can imagine btw)

fucking read up on the DSM, try to figure out which symptoms you have, go on goddamn tumblr and sort through the tags of various MIs until you find someone who seems like they’re not full of shit (professionally diagnosed or otherwise). try to have conversations with these people about these conditions, and what it’s like to live with them meanwhile a bunch of irrelevant assholes are hounding you trying to “prove” you’re lying for attention or something. go look through forums of people with the Edgy mental illness you think you might have, watch how they talk, try to figure out if that’s what you do, or if maybe you’re just over analyzing, or paranoid, or something.

THEN you gotta make calls and calls and calls trying to get seen by a real doctor in the first goddamn place. the only ones that take medicaid are shitty and obviously mostly aimed at “rehabilitating” addicts, but you take what you can get. meet the doctor and be polite and try to, like, surreptitiously feel out whether you can be honest, or need to heavily edit what you tell them so you don’t end up fucking institutionalized. pretend you’re too stupid to use Google and you’ve never heard of the DSM, try to describe the symptoms you have as honestly as you can without letting on that you’ve done any of your own research. have the motherfucker blow you off and say you can’t possibly have what you think you have because you’re “too nice” or “too self-aware” or because you’re in any way interested in self-improvement that you can’t POSSIBLY have a personality disorder. finally convince him that it’s possible you MIGHT have a cluster B personality disorder, but he won’t diagnose it because of ~the stigma~. get prescribed whatever standard mood stabilizers and anti-anxiety he feels like giving you.

go to see a therapist. the therapist ALSO does not believe you when you say you may be dealing with something worse than “depression and anxiety”. when you talk about why you think you have the thing, she asks a million weird, invasive questions that sound like she thinks you live in a fucking Lifetime movie. she OBVIOUSLY doesn’t know what she’s talking about, but she’s a ~professional~ and you’re not, so you just try your best to get whatever out of it you can. you get very, very little out of it, because she’s trying to treat “depression and anxiety”, and that’s not what you have, and she is not qualified to treat what you have, and you both know it, but you’re poor and can’t afford a doctor who’s qualified. all the doctors keep telling you about the godawful stigma and telling you how you want to “avoid the label”. you try to explain that you don’t give a fuck about the label or the diagnosis, you just want the treatment. they obviously don’t believe you, and obviously think you can’t tell that they don’t believe you.

so you think, fuck it. i’ll do it myself. i’ll talk to people online who have the Edgy mental illness i think i have, i’ll ask for their advice. and they actually have good, practical, helpful advice! they share worksheets and stories and tell you ways to cope. and it’s hard and it sucks at first, but you practice and it gets easier. but if you ever try to talk to people irl about that? you’re full of shit. you’re making it up, you’re too crazy or stupid or young, too female and too poor, to know what you’re talking about. “you gotta go talk to the PROFESSIONALS”, people insist. “you gotta get a DOCTOR to tell you what’s going on.” try all day to convince any of them that the doctors are sometimes full of shit. it won’t work. it will NEVER work. you are too easy to dismiss and Professional Authorities are too easy to believe.

and the people who don’t tell you to have blind faith in The Professional Doctor Authority? they tell you that “it’s all in your head”. they tell you, if you would just Buck Up and Try Harder, the shit would go away. they say everyone gets sad sometimes and if you try to explain you didn’t just “get sad”, they roll their eyes and say you’re dramatic. exaggerating. it’s just How Your Generation Is. entitled and spoiled. oh what, you’ve been dirt poor for the last decade? you actually DIDN’T always have laptops and iphones and wifi and all that shit? oh whatever, that’s a fluke, doesn’t really count, you’re STILL entitled because of your “””generation””””

one day, after you’ve been having panic attacks nigh on constantly and deliriously telling yourself that you’re just imagining it, you’re just MAKING IT UP, eventually realize there’s no way you’re making this up. that you don’t know what you’ll do if you don’t get help soon. someone tells you, if you’re thinking about killing yourself, just call the hotline! they’ll help you! you’re suspicious, but what you’ve been doing isn’t working. so you give it a shot. you call them and tell them what you’re going through. they tell you to go to the ER. you go to the ER, they ask you questions, reassure you that you really do need to be here, then have some fuckin’ cop tell you, very slowly and softly, that he’s gonna walk you across a parking lot to a building where they’re gonna help you. for some reason he jokes about how ugly the walls on the inside are. you do not give a SINGLE fuck about how the walls look, but you’re “a girl” and you’re in texas, so you act like it’s funny. he’s annoying you, but he’s also obviously trying to help. you shouldn’t blame him for not knowing how. he’s a cop, not a doctor.

when you get to the building, you talk to a woman who asks you what’s going on. you tell her the truth, she tells you it’s okay if you need to pace around, then she tells you that you should never go through the ER because that’s a $1000 bill. you’ve never even seen a thousand dollars in cash before. what the fuck? she tells you you’re gonna stay for probably about 3 days, and then they tell you to sit on a bench, in a room by yourself, nothing to occupy yourself with but a fucking TV blaring news about the weather, apparently there’s a big storm somewhere and people are scared. you are hysterically crying and panicking and they leave you there for HOURS. you think maybe you’re in purgatory. you hear doctors in the next room laughing, talking cordially. your mind is devouring itself as you sit there shaking and trying to hold it together through faith and tenacity alone, and this is just another day at work for them.

before they’ll let you in, they strip search you. they count your scars and comment, almost laughing, to one another about how many there are, how neat they are. where you hid them. you try to make conversation and they ignore you. you are not a person, you are a patient. you want to scream at them but you know that will only make things worse, so you grit your teeth and stare into space and try not to react to anything at all. finally they believe you aren’t hiding anything and they walk you into the room with the other “general” patients. the woman says something about how “some of them are quiet and some of them are loud”. she smiles at you and you want to tear her fucking face off but you know she just doesn’t know what to say. there’s nothing to say. so you just nod and go talk to some of the other patients. they’re pretty cool, pretty nice. they try to hug you but they get yelled at for it. touching isn’t allowed.

you dont even realize for a couple hours that you’re still wearing the thin blue hospital clothes they gave you after they strip searched you. you have to go ask one of the nurses to give you your clothes and let you into a room to change. you put on your clothes, feeling slightly more human, but you still have to wear those goddamn socks instead of shoes, because your shoes are too beat up and shitty to wear without the laces. you zone out for a while and at some point, realize that while you were hysterically sobbing and packing some clothes and notebooks and books to take with you (most of which they would confiscate, telling you to go read some boring magazines about babies and dating and flowers and shit), you without realizing it, grabbed your Harley Quinn t shirt. the one where she’s looking at the camera, smirking as two cops are, apparently, about to drag her away for questioning. for some reason this is the funniest thing that has EVER happened to you. you start laughing and you can’t stop, and everyone looks at you like you’re crazy -the patients look concerned, the nurses look smug and knowing.

you eventually get it together. you remember you can’t sleep without the mood stabilizers you’ve been prescribed. you tell the nurses that, tell them you brought the pills with you, should be with your things. they politely blow you off with what is clearly a canned response, saying you’ll be able to talk to a doctor tomorrow. they ask you what your dose was, you say you don’t remember but you think it was 200mg, you tell them your doctors’ name so they can check. they nod understandingly and you think they’re gonna check. (you will later find out that they just took your word for it, and you were WAY off; you were only on 50mg. they gave you 200mg anyway. you later find out how fucking lucky you were that quadrupling your dose didn’t ACTUALLY fucking kill you.) when you eventually give up on sleeping at 4am and drag yourself up to pour some of the shitty hospital coffee they’re serving, the nurses ask you how you slept and act surprised when you say that you didn’t. “oh, you poor thing.” then they ask when’s the last time you ate and when’s the last time you took a shit and blah, blah, blah. you don’t remember most of it.

when you try to talk to any of the nurses about trying to actually TALK to someone about what you’re dealing with, they tell you they “don’t do that here”. they tell you that’s the “outpatient program”. they make you go to group where they hand out these cute little pamphlets with cute little cartoon stereotypes of people in abusive homes, make you all go around and say which one you are. the nurses think you don’t notice them smirking at you, but you do. during group one day, they talk about a man who lost his wife of 50 years and who was smiling and whistling the next day, because when asked if the cup is half empty or half full, he replies "it's a beautiful cup". the girl about your age who came here after a bender for help with her drinking problem thinks that is so profound that when she gets out of here, she goes and gets a tattoo of a cup with that quote. later, you will admire her tattoo and be happy that the story helped her. on the other hand, they also say things like that "every situation can be good". they use the example of the big storms that are currently happening, somewhere in the world: the storm is bad, but look at how people are helping each other! it's a good thing, after all! the other patients smile. you don't; you say, but a lot of people still died. a lot of people still lost their homes. that's bad. it doesn't matter if some people also helped. the nurses glance at each other nervously and double down: no, you have to "find the good" in the situation. they smile at you and tell you patronizingly how very, very smart you are. you know that's not a compliment, and you also know that THEY don't know that it isn't a compliment. you decide to just keep your mouth shut; the other patients seem to be comforted by this crap. who are you to tell them they're wrong? you shut up.

every night, one of the nurses announces that she is a motivational speaker “outside of here” and talks about Jesus and Overcoming Adversity for about twenty minutes. she clearly has been through some real shit in her life, and she also clearly believes she is really, really helping somebody with her Motivational Speeches. you don’t know if anyone else is getting something out of this -other people are often comforted by things that seem completely ridiculous to you- but you suspect they don’t. whatever. good luck getting her to shut up about whatever she’s on about. (you confess to the doctor later that day that you sometimes think about hurting people. that night, the Motivational Speaker talks specifically about ‘wanting to hurt people’. you pay close attention, knowing she thinks she’s helping, but actually just thinking that they were lying their asses off when they said this shit was confidential. you think to yourself that you need to remember that.) at one point she tells a story about a girl who tried to kill herself and failed, ended up paralyzed. the moral of the story, she says, is that “if you try to end your life before God is ready to take you, he may send you back worse off”. you stare at her and wonder, vaguely, how anyone worships the God you worship and talks about Him like that, like he’s some evil tyrant who would paralyze a child because she wanted to end it all, had the audacity to believe her life was her own to do with as she pleases. you are used to other Christians talking about God that way by now.

the main benefit of being in here is that you get actual, real anxiety medications -not the cheap, weak shit that Texas prescribes poor people asking for anxiety medications. that, and you’re in a safe place. well, not completely safe; a man much older and quite a bit taller than you overhears you and another inmate trading sex stories, most of them sapphic. he sits next to the two of you and listens to you talk for about fifteen minutes, then gets up and says something about d*kes being disgusting. you joke about him, but nervously. the other girl tells you “well if he tries anything, i’ll kill him”. you laugh and say thank you, but you know that’s bullshit. if he tries anything, everyone around you will be too late to help you. you think oh, maybe i’ll just avoid him, but the next time you go to get coffee he glares at you like he wishes you were dead, shakes his hand at you limply, and it takes you a second to remember that it’s sign language for “f*ggot”. you flip him off, but then go tell the nurses about it. you’re very careful to specify he didn’t actually threaten you, ‘cause he’s a black man and you don’t want to get him in Real trouble for “threatening” a white girl when he didn’t. the nurses tell you to “remember where you are” and that people in here are sick. you nod and say yeah, it’s probably fine. he probably won’t do anything. he has to sleep in a separate room from you, anyways.

at some point, you’re playing cards with about five other patients. talking and shooting the shit, starting to enjoy yourself. one of the guys who is in here for a suicide attempt keeps making “jokes” where the punchline is that women did something sexual. people keep not laughing and he’s obviously getting frustrated that people laugh at your jokes more than his. he starts talking shit about “sluts” and you try to, politely, reasonably, tell him that it isn’t his business who anyone sleeps with, that so long as nobody is lying or getting hurt, everybody has the right to sleep with whoever they want. he slams his hand on the table and says, “No! It’s disgusting and it needs to be destroyed.” He stalks off, too furious for words. You glance at the other “slut”, the same girl you talked about being gay with, and she agrees. everyone else takes his side, follows him around reassuring him that he totally respects women, and you’re just a crazy bitchy SJW. you know you’re right and you know he’s not just some poor wounded frat boy. you know he’s an actual danger to any woman he’s around. you also know that no one will believe you, so you just try to hold your tongue and not pick fights with him, because it doesn’t matter if you’re right. everyone will take his side. everyone always takes the man’s side.

eventually, 3 days are up. you feel calmer but just as empty and lost as you did before, except now you are approximately $2k in debt. you go to a nearby elementary school’s park, even though it’s overcast and cold, and you sit on a swingset and stare into space. there are a couple of kids there, but you figure so long as you leave them alone it’s okay. you stare into space for a good twenty minutes before you realize you still have that fucking bracelet on, the one with a bar code that they would scan every time they called you up to get your pills. you tear it off viciously, immediately. 

a few minutes later, a woman walks out of her house, across the street, toward you. you watch her curiously. she approaches you and asks you “if you know where to get any bud”. you say sweetly, “i’m sorry, i don’t,” as if you don’t know for a fact that the woman is a cop because you live on this block, and have seen her cruiser, and also what fucking stoner walks up to someone they don’t know and asks for pot in front of 2 children and on a public school’s property? she wasn’t even dressed like a stoner, for fuck’s sake; just a cop’s approximation of what a stoner looks like. jeans and an oversized t-shirt and hoodie. please. was she even trying, or do cops really just think all stoners are complete morons? do you really look like that much of a stoner right now? doesn’t matter, anyways. you knew she was a cop, and you never tell strangers you do anything illegal anyways -not when you remember to watch your mouth, at least.

the outpatient program turns out to be more of the same bullshit. starts at 7am and they make you empty your pockets and stand with your arms out so they can use a metal detector on you and make sure you’re not smuggling anything in. they make you put your knife in your locker, and that annoys you because you always carry your knife with you when you’re not at home, but you know if you say that they’ll think you’re Violent. so you put it up and feel naked and exposed and try to act like everything is fine. try to be civil with people while you’re tired and irritable and everything is so fucking stupid but you never know, right? maybe they do have SOMETHING to teach you. maybe you’re just being full of yourself thinking these people are full of shit. so you make the pain in the ass arrangements for the little bus to come pick you up, dodging questions about whether the car outside your house runs and whether you have a license and whether it would be technically possible for you to drive yourself, even though you don’t have a license still and you know for a fact if you get pulled over for driving without a license it may be years until you can actually get your license.

the ‘group therapy’ in the outpatient program turns out to be mostly about making fucking collages and shit. they hand out pamphlets about Christianity and about how a butterfly can’t become a butterfly if it doesn’t fight its way through its cocoon. one of the days, the woman leading the group will not shut the fuck up about how she “knows” that talking to a different woman in a different room is going to give you all soooooo much anxiety. you want to tell her to fuck off, but you figure she’s just really green, they’re probably using you all to break in the brand-new “therapists”. you smile at her and make nice because she’s obnoxious and dumb but she’s trying. the woman who usually leads the group is obviously annoyed with you; you are too blunt, too aggressive, too confident in yourself, even now, even at rock bottom (except fuck,don’t tell yourself this is rock bottom, don’t say that, because then like clockwork, the rug will be torn from under you and you’ll find a way to sink even lower), for this woman’s comfort. you try AGAIN to tell her what you think you have. she tells you there’s no way you have it because you’re “too self aware”. you irritably explain that you think there is a strong possibility you do have it, and you explain why, and you try very hard not to scream when the most you can get out of her is some empty platitudes about “having self control” and “seeing the other person’s point of view”.

when she leaves the room, the other patients commiserate with you about what a fucking waste of time this is. one of them is mourning the death of her daughter, lost to suicide when she wasn’t even in high school yet, and she went to the office like she was supposed to, and had an argument with the girl working there and annoyed the girl, so the girl claimed that she was “suicidal” even though the patient said she’d been dealing with depression for decades and knew it wasn’t an emergency, and that’s why she was even here. she starts crying in group and you wonder if you should go up and hug her, or that would be overstepping a boundary. you stare helplessly. the woman leading group watches sympathetically for a few seconds, clears her throat, and diverts the conversation back to her lesson plan.

at some point, they call you in to talk to a doctor. there are three people about your age also in the room, writing stuff down on notepads. one of them asks you questions about every possible trauma and hardship you may have gone through. after you admit to each one she says softly, “im sorry that happened to you.” you are grateful to be treated like a human by somebody in the room, even as the doctor himself is clearly bored with this whole schtick. the meeting takes about fifteen minutes; within a few weeks they will send you a bill for several hundred dollars. that’s how much it costs to sit in a room while a doctor ignores you and lets medical students do his job, asking you about the worst things that have ever happened to you, for college credit so they can finish medical school.

they tell you to do “homework” that amounts to writing about your feelings, your worst memories, your deepest secrets. you try to convince yourself that you might actually get something out of this whole shitshow if you just go along, but you can’t stand the idea of letting that fucking woman read anything you write. whatever. you show up every day and say no, you did not do the homework. no, you do not feel guilty about not doing the homework. the woman who leads the group glares at you. you are an incorrigible crazy girl who must not want to get any better, after all. one day they have you all go outside, hold hands, and move a hula hoop around in a circle without letting go of each others’ hands. you make a skeptical face and the lady who leads the group says something about “being resilient enough” to do her stupid little exercise. you want to tell her to go fuck herself, there’s no part of this shit that has anything to do with resilience, but you know better than to argue. you participate and, incidentally, you pass the hula hoop quicker than everyone else did, and then you say “i don’t like to touch people”, because you don’t, and the other patients let go of your hands immediately. the lady who leads the group looks pleased with herself.

on the seventh day you drag yourself up in the morning to go to this stupid outpatient program, they just have you watch Inside Out and then fill out a paper about “what emotions does society tell us to repress”. you go through the motions, go eat the lunch they serve you, and go home, knowing you are not going to bother going to the next day. These people are full of shit. you have to figure this out on your own, as usual. at least you got the higher dose of mood stabilizers you needed, though.

you get a new job, because you quit your old one in a panic. you’re too anxious and pissed off all the time and awkward and unsure of whatever the fuck these people are so mad about when you can’t sit them down immediately or whatever, to be good at customer service, so you just start doing the grunt work. you’re still under the impression that being a hard worker when you first start a new job will help you keep the job; this job will be the one that lets you figure out you don’t actually want to give 100%, because then your coworkers will slack off and when you try to slack off, your boss will be mad at you for not performing the way you usually do. 

it’s almost unbelievably difficult, but you keep showing up to work. you hide the panic attacks and you push through the depression. you smile and play nice even though everybody is full of shit and thinks you’re an idiot and you can’t ever, ever change their mind. you feel like you’re going to explode all the time, but you don’t explode. you don’t die. you don’t relapse. you toe the line and you slowly, slowly learn and improve and heal.

you try to talk to people about it. they won’t believe you. crazy people can’t fix themselves. they can’t reason their way through a problem, they can’t realize their behavior is an issue and take initiative, they can’t. it’s impossible. crazy people don’t know they’re crazy. only the Doctors can be trusted.

whatever. they’re full of shit. you have to figure out your own way to survive, just like always.

[bard-dadsquared]

Id put this under a readmore if i could but i cant so... sorry evveryone. Ill tag it as a long post, and a negative one at that.

Anywah

This week has got to be one of the worst weeks for mental health. I am not sure why, but ive been cranky, irritable, ive been wantint to isolate myself, indont wanna spend time with anyone or do anything except maybe rp, play dnd, or play video games

Which i cant do. My mood and mental health is making it hard for me to adequately care for my son, because i get overwhelmee way too easy with him, more so than usual. Its affecting ny sleep and quality of it. Its affecting my ability to attend my classes. Its affecting my communication, my relationships with people and everything.

Im getting what i can only explain as vertigo spells. Which trigger my anxiety. Im dissociating almost constantly, nothinf feels real to me. Hell in dissociated so hard pnce i thought i was in the wrong fucking body.

I almost had a panic attack three different times today because i felt like my mind wasnt my own i guess?? Like i was seeing too many things at one time, i was scared i was goinf to faint or black out.

I came home early today because of it.

To make a shitty day worse i decided id step up and try and figure out a day to play a game. That went poorly. Not going to go into details but zhit happened and someone git pissed off.

Made a post. Copied and pasted what i said

And then called me toxic because of it.

Not gonna post the juicy deets here (as tempting as it is)

Which kinda sucks?? Because like i know im not perfect. Im always tryinf to be the best me i can be.

Granted my frame of mind and emotional state is shit right now- im goinf through amd processing a lot of shit

And idk?? Maybe i am toxic certainky to some, i know for DAMN sure im nkt perfect, but i dont think that applies to the context they used it in but people wilk eat it up

And honestly i feel like mutual friends hate me now because i pissed them off. Which is awkward because i do a kot of stuff wirh this persons friends which we have mutually.

And now i cant do something i enjoy withiut

"Okay so whos gonna get pissed off about my rules now?"

My mind right now is a CLUSTERFUCK qnd i cant sleep

I don't even know if this makes sense im venting mostky.

Tldr: today was shit, my super power is being honest and getting two or three people to hate me at once because of it, and im fucked up in the head and i dont know how to cope with it because i guess what ive ive been trying to do isnt working

(Doing stuff that make me happy.)

[ao3feed-danganronpa]

b e t t e r

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/3wTTnmb

by Ohaeri0

!!disclaimer!! this is fiction duhhh! in no way is this fanfiction romanticizing narcissistic behavior or the mentally disturbed! also READ THE TAGS theres a lotta triggering stuff like faking trauma and all the stuff in the tags lol. i kinda wanted this to be like a hm.. maybe they were better off in the killing game—what with their character changes. a lot of the stuff in this story is personal and comes from the heart so i really hope you enjoy that aspect of it. and sorry theres not too much of a summary because to be honest i have no clue where this is going yet XD but im good at wrapping a story in a neat bow so if you’d like, come on the ride!! :D

Words: 3633, Chapters: 3/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: Multi

Characters: Oma Kokichi, Akamatsu Kaede, Saihara Shuichi, Gokuhara Gonta

Additional Tags: i dont really know what im gonna do with this yet so i dont know the ships yet, uhh o jeez big warnings here, Narcissism, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, faking trauma, lying like a lot, kaedes got psychosis :/, kokichi SUCKS which is hard to write bcuz i love him, Pre-Game Personalities (New Dangan Ronpa V3), Pre-Game Saihara Shuichi, Pre-Game Oma Kokichi, Pre-Game Akamatsu Kaede, Pre-Game Gokuhara Gonta, just my idea of what theyd be like pre game?, Running Away, Faking Suicide, uhhh just a lot of fucked up person shit, everyone in this story is a bad person even ur big uwu boy, Scars, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, POV Saihara Shuichi, POV Akamatsu Kaede, POV Oma Kokichi, pov gonta gokuhara, maybe ougoku? i dont know yet but its looking like it, dont be alarmed by that ok? YOU JUST WAIT CALM DOWN- PUT THE TWITTER FINGERS DOWN, also an f-slur!! be wary of stuff like that

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/3wTTnmb

[depressed-alone]

I can’t think of a good prompt so maybe something that involves mistletoe and Analogical.

A/n: yes Yes YES im so writing cute analogical kiss under the mistletoe thank you for this prompt!!Human! AuTw: if body insecurity triggers you, there's a bit of that in here but not much don't worry.It got a bit angsty kinda but it's fluff I swear.....It's not that they didn't like Christmas. It was a great holiday. But they weren't that much into it as Roman or Patton. Logan did enjoy putting up some lights with Roman (as they were the tallest) and it was quite fun to watch the whole house turn into a winter wonderland.Roman decided to throw a Christmas party, again, and they went all out this year. Not just with the biggest Christmas tree you've ever seen, or the hundreds of decorations they've been putting up for days. But Romam decided that this year he will invite the whole school. From freshmans to seniors. ((i have no idea how american schools work pls forgive me if i fucked up)) He thought why not give everyone a chance to come and if they don't want to that's their decision. It was held in Roman's and Patton's house as their parents were away for the holidays for a honeymoon thing they didn't quiet understand. Who goes to a honeymoon in the holidays?? They invited Logan and Virgil over to help with the decorations and it was finally up! By the time they finished work it was night time, and the party was the next day so Logan and Virgil decided to stay with them. "Guys would you mind if you slept in the same bed? We didn't think this through to be honest There are only two beds and a couch. I'll sleep on the couch as you two are guests and I'm not letting my little brother to sleep on that thing. So would you mind if you shared the bed in the guest room?" Roman asked and glanced at the two boys."Roman you don't have to sleep on the couch, I can do that, it really is uncomfortable you don't deserve that!" Patton said."It's fine I can just sleep on the couch you know." Virgil shrugged and got ready to flop onto the couch."No!" The two brothers shouted at the same time."Alright chill jeez it was just a suggestion. I mean I guess we can share a bed it's uh nothing yeah totally." Virgil said sounding more than just a little nervous."If you are okay with it I really don't mind Virgil." Logan said with a little smile."Okay then kids let's go to sleep we will need the energy for tomorrow." Patton said with a chuckle as everyone, except Roman, went upstairs."You do realize apart from Virgil we are all older than you!" Roman shouted after them.Patton only shouted 'yeah I know' back before the lights turned off in the house and everyone went to sleep.~the next day, party time whooo~Roman surely did not expect this many people to show up. Sure he thought the majority of the school would come as most people don't like turning down an invitation but holy hell this was a lot of people!Nor did Logan or Virgil enjoyed the big crowd so they decided to find a somehow quiet place. They went upstairs and saw that the door for the guest room was open. Virgil blushed thinking about what happened yesterday night.*flashback whoooo* "I can just like you know sleep on the ground if you want to." Virgil said as he closed the door behind them."Look Virgil I know that you don't really like physical contact and that you think this will turn out horribly wrong and I'll hate you for whatever you will do but I can assure you, nothing will happen. I'm okay with sleeping in the same bed as you but I respect your choice. I'm just saying, from my perspective it is totally fine." Logan said and gently took Virgil's hand in a form of comfort."Fine." Virgil mumbled and hopped in the bed."Are you not gonna take off your hoodie? It will be very hot under the blankets Virgil." Logan asked as he removed his tie and polo shirt."Oh I uh sorry." Virgil said and turned around quickly when he saw that Logan was shirtless."Nothing to apologize for Virgil." Logan said with a rare chuckle of his. "If it makes you uncomfortable I can put my shirt back I just rather sleep like this." "N-no it's alright. I'm gonna just uhm yeah stay on my side of the bed." Virgil said still not turning around to hide his blush. "And are you sure you will sleep in your hoodie?" Logan asked. He knew Virgil was insecure about his body but he didn't want Virgil to literally boil in that thing."I uhm guess I no. I'm already really hot in this I just don't want you to think I'm disgusting or or anything like that you know." Virgil admitted and zipped down his hoodie."I promise I'd never think that." Logan said."O-okay." Virgil said and slipped down his hoodie.He wore a dark purple T-shirt under it which he of course didn't take off.He was skinny. And so pale. You'd think it was the foundation on his face but he was so much paler than the others."Wow" Logan whispered when he saw Virgil. He quickly realized that he had been staring and turned around in the bed to face the other way.Virgil layed down in the bed not even mentioning that he heard Logan's reaction. "Goodnight Logan." Virgil said and turned to face away from Logan's back."Goodnight to you too." Logan said and they both fell asleep.*back to present whooo*"We can just sit down here right?" Virgil asked as they stopped in front of the door."In the door frame?" Logan asked."Yeah why not. Maybe someone would want to go in the room to make out or something, and we can leave easier if we don't actually go in the room." Virgil said and sat down in the door frame."I suppose you are right." Logan said as he sat down as well.They talked about astronomy, a new band Virgil found and became fan of (Waterparks), a new book Logan started to read in spanish and so on. They just talked and talked not even noticing the world around them.They didn't hear the footsteps that were coming up the stairs.Roman and Patton decided to check on the two boys as they realized they disappeard. They knew this would eventually happen, the two nerds weren't a fan of social gatherings but they thought at least they would come down for a drink or two.They arrived upstairs and saw the two boys, talking excitedly about some new meteor that they saw a few days ago when they were stargazing. "Roman. Look!" Patton whisper-shouted and pointed at the mistletoe that was hanged in the door frame where the two boys were sitting."Oh my god should we tell them? I mean it's tradition and also those two nerds need to kiss like right now so I say we go for it, right?" Roman said and decided to approach the two boys.When he realized that they didn't notice him he cleared his throat."Khm. I'm sorry to interrupt your nerdy conversation but I feel like you two should look above you." He said with a smirk then waited for the two boys to look up.They both looked up at the same time realizing that there was indeed a mistletoe above them.The two boys blushed and Virgil started to mutter something under his breath."C'mon you know what this means. You two need to kiss!" Patton said excitedly."I-I'm not... I'm not sure Virgil would be very comfortable with uh that kind of physical contact." Logan stuttered out as the blush grew deeper on his cheeks."Guys it's tradition! Just a little kiss then you two can go back to whatever you were talking about." Roman said."Virgil are you okay with this?" Logan asked as he glanced at the other boy. The emo was a blushing mess, that could Logan tell but he didn't knew why. It's not like Virgil liked him as more than just a friend right?Virgil nodded, although he still looked pretty unsure."We only have to do this if you are comfortable with it." Logan said again, putting his hand on Virgil's. He always did that when Virgil needed comfort."Yeah we can..we can do it." Virgil said and swallowed the big lump that was in his throath.The two boys didn't hear Roman's cheer or Patton's squeal as they leaned in and suddenly they lips met.It was so careful and so unsure at first but as they slowly got used to the feeling, their kiss became more confident and more filled with love.When they broke apart Virgil didn't dare to look into Logan's eyes."That was...wow. I'm lost for words." Logan said and touched his lips where moments before Virgil's lips were."Was I? Like bad?" Virgil asked, not knowing in what way was Logan speechless."Oh no not at all Virgil you were wonderful I've just uhm never done this before and I never thought I'd do this with you. Please look at me Virgil." Logan said and lifted up Virgil's head by his chin."I think I love you." Virgil blurted out. He realized what he had said and covered his mouth."Don't worry. I know I love you." Logan said with a smile and they kissed once more.....A/n: So this got a bit longer than I thought it would be but hey its cute at least.Tag list: @cefmua56 @irish-newzealand-idian-dutch @tinysidestrashcaptain @pirate-patton @emeliethetimelady (tell me if you dont want me to tag you or if you want me to tag you for some reason)

[bbq-grillmaster]

as memey as I want to make this post, @staff​ new “safe mode” is really ineffective and to be honest, kinda frustrating, and I wanna say a bit of why? and the reason im tagging @staff​ directly/posting abt it is because I want them to know that their users are unhappy, and at the very least, confused as to whats goin on. 

tbh, i don’t know as much abt the entire safe mode as I should, but so far and from what I know, its pretty dumb and has blocked out the most random of posts.

I do appreciate the fact that @staff​ is trying to “help” everyone out by blocking “sensitive content”, but in the end it reminds me of what youtube tried to do. In an attempt to make things more “family friendly” all it did was block out lgbtq youtubers and videos, and allow a trigger happy ctrl+F and ctrl+Z system to block out videos that didn’t contain actual harm.

It’s dumb and its frustrating because it sets an incomplete and often inaccurate set of “appropriate” boundaries for content creators (often lgbtq creators. like, why r gay ppl inappropriate???) and kills the unharmful channels that contain “harmful” material. 

For the actual harmful youtubers(most of which aren’t actually censored)who find themselves violating the rules, you can say that it works. But for the lgbtq, educational, and innocent youtubers who find themselves losing views and subs because of some idiots decided that “gay” was a bad word, it’s devastating and unfair. 

i get what @staff​ is trying to do, and the good intentions are there and I can appreciate that, but the execution is honestly kinda off. The filtering system doesnt block or censor the majority of my porn-bot followers and censors posts containing gay related media, and all I can think of is a repeat of youtube.

its so annoying to see the “sensitive media” message on a post that shows up on my dash, because if that post shows up on my dash, that means I followed the blogger, which means i want to see what they reblog. If I followed a blog, i want to see their content. 

like listen @staff​ if you wanna censor something, censor gore. Censor pedophiles. censor porn bots. Censor nazis. Or even better yet, let me chose what to censor. 

But dont censor lgbt content or literally harmless content

WE LEARNED FROM YOUTUBE THAT THIS DOESN’T WORK, 

you have a whole bunch of people who joined this website for its individuality and safe lgbtq community, and its quirky and weird sense of humor, and literally all this system has done is destroy p much all three of those.

so overall, if this dumb mode is gonna stay, please fix it. Make it so we can turn it off, or that the filtering system isn’t, ya know, homophobic and borderline random. Or let me chose what type of content to filter. Show the warning before I can view the post. As in, say “this post contains sensitive media. Do you want to continue? Y/N” instead of “haha we’re gonna take away all of your options. an innocent picture of lesbians sitting next to each other? blocked. you can never see it now. we love and trust our users and their ability pick and chose their content. I mean it’s not like the concept that this site was based off of right??”. Or just, ya know, get rid of it, because you want ppl to like and use your website. 

staff even stated that artistic nudity was blocked, which in and of itself puts a huge cage on artists, photographers and creators.

And ppl are gonna give the argument that “its protecting minors from porn!!!!” and while that may be true, its kinda sorta not really true. 

Most nsfw blogs have marked themselves as explicit or have stated that they are nsfw and request for minors to not follow them. If a minor has followed a nsfw blog and it’s blocked on their dash, wow congrats you did a thing right, but this same minor can literally just turn off safe search mode and search to their hearts content. I may be wrong on this one, but from what I know that does sound like a loophole. but thats only if the system works correctly. 

Despite also promising to censor porn, I have still found myself with a considerate number of porn bots left uncensored. Including this piece of work

(i censored it for you)

 so @staff​ you failed to recreate the blacklist extension I’ve heard praised so much

so please listen to some feedback on this one 

Ive given you plenty, and im sure theres more

kthxbye

[timefought]

   rules.

   i.

     my name is kitty. i am 24 years old, and am wiradjuri & ashkenazi/sephardi. i live in australia ( gmt+10 ). i studied palaeobiology, evolutionary biology & animal behaviour, but dropped out to be terminally ill instead. i’ve been roleplaying since neopets days. i grew up watching dr who ( & my middle name is a very obscure dr who reference ), and am a life-long classic/eu fan. my pronouns are they/them exclusively.

    ii.

   as you might have twigged from the above, i’m very sick. replies sometimes take a long time. i try to work on them as fast as possible but sometimes life aint like that. i DO miss replies relatively often, so you’re always welcome to pop into my IMs to let me know if you’ve posted or just to chat, but i’m sorry in advance if you like very prompt replies. i’m not that bitch. i wish i was. please just dont badger me. i’m doing my best, my best just sucks.

   iii.

     PLEASE read my about thoroughly. i know it’s dense, i’ve tried to break it up as much as possible for ease of reading & locating specific information. it’s also a continuous wip;; i am adding more and more to it as i go to make things easier on partners and potential partners to find what they need. i really will know if you haven’t read it.

   iv.

     i tend to write long replies, with icons if my partner uses them. i don’t necessarily expect it to be returned, but i do require a proper response i can reply to. charlie wont chase after your muse, under pretty much any circumstances, and i need some substance to a reply to be able to write something. generally, i don't really enjoy chat type things. i like something to be happening.

   v.

     i cant believe have to say this but: racism is bad. nazis are bad. fascism is bad. conservatism is bad. transphobia, homophobia, misogyny, ableism, anti-semitism —- theyre all bad. don’t do them. yes, i will call out users who act like fuckwits. if that’s ‘causing drama’ to you, you’re free to hop on your bike and idk grow some ethics i guess. if you couldn’t tell from the content of my blog, i don’t allow that bullshit & if you do, even by just ignoring it and avoiding the topic entirely, you’re not welcome either. i get that’s a hardline stance to take. if that scares you, i cant say im sorry. this goes for people who ship incest/paedophilia/rape etc, too.

   vi.

     smut, shipping, etc: obviously, i’m an adult. i’m 24. i will not write anything even vaguely sexual with anyone under 18. i won’t write anything more than platonic/mildly vaguely romantic with anyone under 18. i am open to ships. a brief note, though;; charlie mostly prefers women in both her platonic and romantic life. men are, mostly, simply a means to a financial end. yes, she’s likely in many context to vaguely proposition men. this isnt an attempt to force anything, it’s just the character, & to be honest she's probably just gonna mug em anyway. i am open to shipping otherwise generally, you’re free to come into my inbox at any time or send a meme or anything if you’d like to. chances are i’ll be open to it.

   vii.

     triggers will be tagged on request, but any issue you have can be brought to me directly. i’m happy to chat about anything, so dont be worried about approaching me. it’s all good.

   viii.

     i don’t send in rule passwords. i do read rules, but i just hate doing that. sorry.

   ix.

     please if you’re following from a personal for a rp sideblog, i need you to tell me ( personally or somewhere on your blog that is easy to find ) what blog its for. if you don’t i might block you, just because ive had personals cause me problems before. ( longtime personals-of-people-i-know are obviously fine lol )

   x.

     i have discord available on request for plotting/chats, and my IMs are always open. im usually around if i’m awake.

     theres probably more to come.