#im gonan have such good dreams. right

[windupaidoneus]

hi thistle ! idr if youve talked abt it before but what were ur ideas for hildemet post endwalker ? i remember u posted abt meteion and them after endwalker but i wanted to learn more abt ur thoughts or how the ship develops ! idk if this makes sense i hope it does LOL (@dmclr)

hiii clara :3 ohhh post endwalker. (lies down face first) this one's a real doozy bc i have yet to properly work out the timeline of events... there are two ways it could go & i dont know which i prefer. oh under the cut as per usual. this is actually probably my longest ramble yet LMAO

either hildegarde really did go through with bringing emet back with his own two hands (& aether. & magic. but like it's intentional is what i mean) or emet chose to have another pass at life bc the time spent during post shb/edw up until elpis gave him that want again, & his soul would've held on until a suitable vessel was nearby (so like, very likely one of the solus clones bc he'd rather not go for possession if he can help it lmao). fuck i also thought of the possibility of like... just it happening without either of their direct involvement, maybe something that kinda just happened because of emet's longing but not in the way that he would've actively orchestrated his return so to speak - his soul just doing that i suppose.? because of the power of love sparkle sparkle or something. they all have something good... um.. i started typing before opening the game i think but then i opened the game & now it's like 12 hours later & my head hurts BADDD but i want to answer this.

in the case of hildegarde intentionally bringing him back is. it being intentional is very yummies & good to me. in the sense of defying fate itself & whatnot to bring a loved one back. i am a lameeeee romantic so that shit always gets me..... but at the same time there is a part of me that like, thinks maybe at that point in time it wouldn't be narratively satisfying? since he has messed around with necromancy before then gave up on it it coulddd be interesting to ahve him go back to it bc like he's still a flawed character who does questionable things & all that but this one idk if i want it to be the case all that much. i like when he gets a little fucked up but i dont know about this specific flavour of fucked up... but i DO want emet alive for dt. so much to consider.

for emet willingly coming back... i mean. points at "i am a lameeeee romantic". additionally i think it brings something interesting into play - because the way i see it his death was intentional to start with, the only possible end for someone who had done so much to reach his goal & thus backing down would mean it was all for nothing yet at the same time the awareness all those things he's done were awful, unconscionable, & no amount of work he could've done in the hypothetical rest of his existence would make up for it, in which case death becomes the only suitable consequence for his actions. (there's also a layer of "emet is putting on a performance as a tragic antagonist & is aware of his role within the story to a degree, as he is playing a role of his own volition, making himself more detestable yet likable at the same time in very intentional ways". not all of his endearing traits in shb are intentional but some are, & them being intentional doesn't make them less... genuine? he pulls at the wol's heartstrings or attempts to, but that doesn't make his own longing for the unsundered world any less real, basically. but this isn't relevant right now)

with that in mind if emet were to bring himself back to life fully... well. it would say quite a lot about.. him. as a whole. just. choosing to live once more to be by hildegarde's side, going against his own previous implicit wish for death (which, beyond the whole guilt thing, he probably would've wanted anyway! he'd been alive so fucking long & all of it had been miserable! death was both something he deserved & deliverance.), tearing himself from something that was punishment & relief to trade it for a different kind of punishment & a different kind of relief. living with the things he's done as opposed to being able to just dissolve into the aetherial sea & no longer worry about it all i suppose, but being reunited on more proper, less high stakes & "we have to kill each other" terms with.. pretty much his soulmate. i'm not big on soulmate stuff necessarily but um (gestures at the entirety of the whole thing with emet & azem/the wol in canon) they make it so easy.

oh fuck i got distracted from finishing my custom deliveries before reset oops. well anyway i'm TALKING!

yeah that. he would get to be with one of his biggest motivations for doing all of this in the first place, & while the source is not a perfect world i do genuinely believe he is lying hard as fuck when he pretends he finds no beauty in it. the harsher he says it the more convincing the performance, for everyone & for himself. end of edw cutscene to me says that he does have an actual appreciation for the sundered etheirys, & i also think without zodiark's influence he would be more amenable to properly acknowledging the flaws of the unsundered world as well. now. would he think he deserves to have a happier "second chance"? probably not. but that's where hildegarde's feelings would sway him... how could he not be influenced knowing the one he loves is grieving him so desperately? hilde has lost many, many loved ones & never really learnt to properly deal with his grief because it's just too overwhelming for him to feel. he continuously drowns in it & that'ssss something he has in common with emet for sure. & emet, knowing how horrible it feels (though in his case it was probably worse. still, he's sentimental & also a tank so i know he's got that protectiveness in him ☝️), would likely want to spare hilde that trouble if even a little. he can't bring himself to bring other souls back to life (too similar to what he did with amaurot, probably something he'd like to take some distances from & not recreate too closely...) but he could at least bring himself back. make hilde smile. that would be nice.

now enter the "neither of them did anything about it it just Happened" path. this one is really just reliant on it feeling like an actual miracle. something that would probably bring emet some distress bc oh no he has to deal with all these things now & it's not on his own terms, buuuuuut... miracle of love 🫶 even if to be fair things would definitely be awkward at first. because they wouldn't really know how to approach each other after everything. they would work it out though, it's not unique to this potential timeline of events & they Will work it out no matter what. they have to! it'd be a miracle of love 🫶 all the same. ohh, maybe something kinda like sleeping beauty or something (loose comparison.) in which during the bit in garlemald in post edw hilde would look for the remaining solus clones in the imperial palace (not for any nefarious purposes if we're not looking at the "he does it himself" timeline it's probably just morbid curiosity at that point. also masochism a little honestly) & when chancing upon them emet's like... his soul would always be "near" hilde in some sort of sense, so maybe it could be made to inhabit one of the clones - kind of pulled into it? & yeah. bam. wakes up upon being observed. i don't know! it's an option. they're all options & they're GOOD & i haven't picked one & i don't know what to pick rahhhg. kicks a rock. Whatever... onto the actual answer to the ask now... (wipes forehead) this took a lot of .. preamble? not sure what i'd call that but the yapping before the ACTUALLY relevant yapping

the way they develop (chews on rocks) YAYYYY!! we got there!!! ohhh my god it's so AWKWARD in this room everyone is happy but wants to cry & feels guilty it's kind of beautiful.

emet keeps some reasonable distance & is actually decent at doing it this time since he's not tempered & not trying to get something out of hildegarde. came back for him but does not want to overstep by getting too comfortable too soon. hildegarde on the other hand really badly wants to have conversations & to be more open & vulnerable but he does not know how to even do that voluntarily. with anyone! he's really bad at being vulnerable! he's been able to do it "properly" with nero & cid (nero has big brother privileges so he's the one hilde & various other alters will run to if they are experiencing Too Much of life, & well. cid is cid. kind of cemented himself as an older sibling figure as well, even without taking into account the doozy that is cidnero) & perhaps surprisingly estinien (very detached & to the point, clear cut way of going about things, not judgemental the way others might be because he's not really giving a fuck abt that ascian business. his meatheadedness wins ☝️) but even then it was mostly him reaching a breaking point & having no one else to pretty much drop it all on.

the scions are great but busy all the time & while urianger probably would be best placed to hear of his troubles hilde rarely wants to tell him much of them because urianger's own problems always seem to far outweigh his own, & he doesn't want to put more on his plate. he's close to thancred but thancred would be the least understanding of his woes... & i think he really struggles with approaching y'shtola bc she hasn't exactly been vulnerable with him either. sucks bc he can tell she would probably be a fine person to be straightforward with but just... hasn't come up. he can be vulnerable with aymeric but aymeric is constantly busy & i do strongly believe if he hadn't been so occupied w his desk job they could've had something. he could be vulnerable with haurchefant but WELL. & the scions not mentioned are all younger than him so no way in hell he's relying on them emotionally when for someone as #unwell as him "relying emotionally" comes with SO SO MUCH shit.

i did ignore hancock & that's because i don't like him. (lying) no he can be vulnerable with hancock too on occasion. hancock is detached from this whole world so to be honest i don't think he gives that much of a fuck that hilde is mourning the loss of an evil immortal guy who was also the garlean empire's founder. on a moral level this has got nothing to do with him on an emotional level he's not sure when they ended up getting close enough for hilde to sob in his office about how he can't do anything right & so many people he could've saved he just didn't manage to & it's all his fault blablablah... but sure he'll do the comforting

but but, back to hildemet. it does happen eventually. hilde's not good at being vulnerable on purpose but he's also pretty earnest despite that... so without necessarily overwhelming emet with his emotions & thoughts he is at least capable of going, "hey. i want to talk. have conversations, about anything and everything. about the weather, about everything that happened. i am happy to come home and see you, and to know that i will come home and see you, but there is a gaping pit between us & i want to bridge it. i want to stand on that bridge with you & talk about the pit, how scary it is, & how we're going to overcome it anyway. can we do that? can i step closer to you, & will you return the embrace if i hold you?" which, he will, & he does. & maybe they even have a shared cry about it. emotions really catching up to them in the moment, not realising the extent to which they'd missed & love each other up until they get to really embrace each other fully. i know songs do this to me a lot i'll think i'm fine then suddenly BOOM i'm crying hard as fuck because holy shittt why didn't i tell myself this made me feel THINGS... horrible!

note that no matter the choice made earlier it's more than likely hilde did hold emet when they first reunited, in which case emet would've at most placed one hand on hilde's back without it being an actual hug. he's not really the "outburst of physical affection" type but especially not under such circumstances while he's Just returned & is parsing where he stands on what joys he deserves to experience in his newfound existence. because of course there's that too. he'll indulge if hilde reaches out for it but for a while it is only half-hearted & the guilt eats at him more everytime he leans into it, which fortunately isn't often by that point since hilde is working out how to go about everything. yay!! not very yay okay you got me

BUT THEY WORK ON IT they have to. the weird distance is unbearable & neither of them want it. they understand they now have a chance at this for real, & they have limited time to do it! emet does not have much of a limited lifespan still but he knows he's turning in the moment hilde dies. maybe he'll stay long enough to ensure hilde is remembered & honoured as he feels it should be but like that's It. hilde's gone he's GONE. & until then they get to learn to love each other all over again

which goes pretty great all things considered once the early stages of weird awkwardness are behind them. it would be easier & go faster if they were allowed to settle down properly but you know how it is when you're The WoL. hilde's wol duties can actually be a bit of a cause for concern for emet, which he himself was caught offguard by. probably chastised himself about it a bit too. being worried for the wol?? ridiculous. he's not capable of dying from unnatural consequences it's like he's got plot armor or something (looks into the camera). gets a bit embarrassed about his worries but they don't really go away, & it does lead into him attempting to keep hilde home more often & longer. hilde doesn't really catch onto it until it becomes a little too egregious to ignore but well. when emet expresses reluctantly that ooooo he cares & is worried about him & also a little bit lonely too it actually makes hilde laugh. because that man is CUTE 🫵 & he will in fact tell him just that. to which emet gets "offended" (did not expect a compliment of all things out of that, & compliments when he's not "in control" of a situation are the number 1 way to destabilise him in a harmless way. lest we forget he is the unsundered world's original tsundere) & denies & protests. & it's probably the point where they start acting genuinely more relaxed around each other, & subsequently emet gets less roundabout about keeping hilde around as long as possible.

he also gets the offer to tag along! which he doesn't want necessarily, it's a lot of effort & it would mean being around the scions (he doesn't hate them or anything but well if i was emet i would not want to be around thancred either. just like if i was thancred i would not want to be around emet either) who at this point in time are not aware of emet's presence in hilde's life & also more generally the world lmao. the twins, tataru & krile most certainly have bets on why hilde seems less available & perhaps even a bit flaky & while alphinaud is genuinely worried hilde might finally be crushed by the weight of responsibilities :( (buddy that was an expansion ago catch up) alisaie is like. scary close to the truth. she suspects hilde is trying to settle down but duty keeps getting in the way of it. this gets everyone involved very curious to potentially find out who he's settling down with of course because for some reason they're all willing to entertain that theory. tataru simply wishes hilde isn't trying to settle down with hancock of all people (close! It's Worse)

he takes it up from time to time. bearing a different appearance (keeping his face but he probably wears a face cover around the scions & doesn't speak much) & going by a different name to avoid being recognised, y'shtola absolutely works it out the moment she sees him buttttt that's why emet avoids hanging around if he knows she'll be there lmao her aethersight would clock him instantly

um. yeahg! my fingers hurt from typing this much & also that's like many paragraphs already oops. uhh. yep.! post edw hildemet. they have rough conversations about their respective places in the world & what they deserve & don't deserve to have. sometimes hildegarde gets very upsetting memories from lachesis' life & emet has to be there to ground him. sometimes emet is overwhelmed by the thought of his actions & hilde has to be there to distract him since ruminating won't really change anything.

they're also gossipy queens who go out to big fancy events to comment on the people they don't like there (in hilde's case it'd probably usually be lolorito & gegeruju honestly but it's fine emet can be irritated at minimum by most people for the both of them). they have to take care of each other delicately & they don't always get it right but they gotta keep trying so they do.

emet is a complainer by nature but he also complains in bad faith a lot & is quite unpleasant specifically when he's lying or dancing around the truth, which all remain true to his personality still, however when he allows himself to be entirely truthful & more open he is painfully romantic & loving. not without teasing here & there of course. it's very good for hilde though. getting to be flustered & giggly & just happy after the everything is such a breath of fresh air, very good distraction from the wol shit. he even gets to tease emet back & have it work! love can be so beautiful & augh! they make me sick

emet did not expect the many people hilde's adopted in a found family sense however. he does think he was a little foolish for not expecting it bc. lachesis. wanderer. the guy who makes friends everywhere all the time. but also how was he supposed to expect so many kids were out there calling hilde their big brother or sometimes even "like a dad"..... he's just pickin everybody up off the street at this point & emet's getting a little concerned about the amount of kids he's going to become a bad influence to just by following hilde around. lmao. & ofc the kids love him bc kids fucking love it when there's a guy who's kind of an ass

i keep saying "okay i stop typing there" & then i keep typing SORRY AHHH. i'm not even out of thoughts i just need to end the post somewhere sobs. i really need to sleep 😭 thank yoy so much for the askkkk wah

[watsername]

Hello, I am here for your streamys outfit analysis please 🙏

i’ve tried to type this like 3 times and tumblr cracked im gonan kms anywya

im into it . there’s things i would chnage but i don’t think it’s a bad outfit

what i’m on the fence over is the hoodie underneath the dress shirt i understand dream wanted the visual of the dress shirt and wore the hoodie to cover the back of the mask but i feel like the hood just creates a kind of cluttered look around the neck like there’s a lot going on there until he takes the mask off

personally i’d ditch the hoodie altogether if i could and maybe tuck in the shirt even if it’s a french tuck and open up a couple shirt buttons just to create some kind of openness in the outfit and elongate that top portion bc having so much around there really shortens the look of the neck n it just looks like it’s not sitting right to me . obv i know that wasn’t rlly possible bc dream needs the coverage for the back of his mask but . this is my opinion . although i will argue some king of tuck with the shirt will give the outfit more shape and make it seem overall less body while he has the mask on but i know there’s other layers underneath and it’s hard to work around that

i think black was a safe choice for colour i don’t think u can go wrong w black u less you’ve got a dress code to wear another colour and it doesn’t detract from the focal point of the outfit - the mask- like a bright colour would

i like the outfit much better without the mask tbh u can get a little more openness in the top with the hood down and a little neck exposed and the hair does add in a little more shape to the overall look i think he looks good and i love dream wearing wide leg or any kind of loose fitting trouser i think it’s flattering on him i just think the layering in this outfit could be better bc it’s all rather wide which creates a kind of body appearance n just moving around the different aspects could create a shape that emphasised his natural body shape a little more .

hes hot as fuck tho my little toy poodle boy i love the leather jacket on him too

edit : i’ve been made aware it’s not a full hoodie TUCK THE SHIRT IN MY GUY . FUCKING DO IT LET ME SEEEE THE SLUTTY WAIST

[chewwytwee]

oh shoot!! @porygonprince tagged me to answer these 17 questions and tag 17 some people. Thank you for tagging me milo ily!!!!!!

Nickname: I do not have one, I mean I guess whore, maybe rouge???

Zodiac sign: Cancer!

Height: 6′0″. Tall kings rise up

3 Kins (it’s supposed to be h*gwarts h*use but fuck that): Gregg from nitw and meow from space dandy are my two big ones :33 I don’t really kin anyone else

Last thing I googled: “Is the roblox government shutdown a hoax?” (it was)

Number of followers: Just on this blog 90, but on all my blogs I have a total of 217 across all my dif blogs

Song stuck in my head: Pure imagination by Jacob Collier

When do you get to sleep and wake up: I usually go to sleep around 2-3 AM and I get up around noon, but recently I’ve been getting up at like 6:40 for drivers training (at 7:30)

Lucky number: I don’t think I have one but 17 is the first number that comes to mind

Dream job: I simply do not dream of labor, but the thing I really want to be doing down the road is that i want to be teaching/performing piano at a really high level, like dream dream dream job would be to be like in a band or something but it’s reasonable to expect me to be teaching piano.

Wearing: I’m wearing a black and white shirt (its like.... a newspaper pattern, like it looks like a newspaper) and then blue plaid pajama pants (v comfy, +6 heat) and all the cat hair that clings to everything I’m wearing.

Fav instrument: oh god this is really hardddddddddd fuck uhhhhhhh I really like super funky electric bass, like a really good bass player probably holds my spot for fav music

Fav songs: well p much anything by jacob collier, then I’ll add like 2 more. Dream by Hill Casiopea and Deploy by Jack Stauber (these change literally like daily sooooo)

Aesthetic: I’m vibing really heavily with liminal spaces right now

Fav author: I haven’t finished a book since 6th grade and that’s not a joke

Fav animal noise: WHEN COWS GO “WHOOF” WITH THEIR NOSES WHEN THEY BREATHE

Random: I’m gonna ask myself a question and answer it, but im not gonan tell you the question. okay here we go. Laundry. okay there random.

Tagging @surlifen @goodnoodlexx @pixelatedghosts @r0cksn0t-f1shr0t @moonstruct-bisexual @catboyundead. Dont feel like you gotta do this, if you don’t i get it :PP I was just thinking of yall <3

[finding-the-daylight]

Today has been a very stressful day, so guess wtf time it is? Drunk Breaking Dawn Pt. 1. Here is what I soberly remember of the movie (I have not watched it since BD2 came out): 

1. There’s a wedding.

2. There’s a honeymoon.

3. There’s swimming in the ocean.

4. There’s an accidental pregnancy.

5. The baby almost kills Bella.

6. The canon incident that we all hate happens.

7. The Volturi evilly laugh. 

Same as Eclipse, my drunken narration of the movie will be below the break.

A brief intro statement, I was 100% sober and just beginning to drink at the beginning of the Eclipse post and progressively got more drunk. For BD1, I’m throwing back before I even start watching this shit show.

- I love the effects of the intro. it’s very calming. THe putting away childish things quote is literally a Bible verse. I hate that Stpehen appropriated Quileute culture, Christian culture, and every culture. I know she’s mormon but sitll. THis shit feels real appropriated.

- Idk why rennee is all happy. she never gave a shit before.

- OMG ALICE TEHCING BELLA TO WALK IN HEELS IS THE CUTEST ICRY.

- carlisle carryign the bench is literally the hottest hting i’ve ever seen fck

- lowkey kinda creeprd out because she’s literally sacrificing her humanity to marry this deud she’s known for like a year but everyone other than jacob is super supportive

- damn she’s looking @ this dreamcatcher and it’s making me sad but tbh that shit probably caused half her nightmares because she’s not native so sleep paralysis (if you know you know).

- DAMN EDWAD RELALY JUST ADMITTED HE’S BEEN A VIRGING FOR OVER 100 YEARS WHAT AB RAVE MAN WE STAN

- BUT FOR REAL WHY IS NO ONE FREAKING TF OUT THAT SHE’S LITERALLY BEGGING TO DIE FOR THIUS DUE?

- he just todl her hes killed people and explained it and it didn’t work she’s still down to clown with this vapire emo boi

- HOW HE’S SMILTING @ HR WTF I AM SO ALONEEEE

- i just wama ne im loved amd ne loved in retun plz

- this dream sequence is awful also fck the volturi is til hate that they never overthrew that crabbyass monarchy bullshit they were powerful enough

- i just wanna be like rosalie when i greow up

- charlie knew shit was off when he saw those crapsk 

- why the HELL is renen actin liks she cares? bitch go the fuck back home

- jessica is the only one with any damn common sense in this whole series talking about they’re too fucking young for this shitt bitch true and itm akes sene now why she was the valedictioajrn 

- SLEEPING AT LAST IS THT GROUP IDK IF YALL HAVE HEARD ANY OF HTEIR OTHER STUFF BUT THEY’RE AMAIZNG AND I USED TO CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP # THAT SHIT

- damn id’ be fuckign panicking too your lfie is over hoe 

- stpeheen sto pwiht your racist ass smiling its offensive

- CHARLIE FUCKING DEWEVRE BETTER SOMEONE LOVE HIM PLEASR

- this wedding is gorgoeus though i live for hte fuckj g aestiec 

- OH MY GORD THE PROM SONGGGGGGGG  FCK ME RIGHT IN THE EMO 

- IT JUST HIT ME WHN THEY WRE LOOKI  @ EACH OTHERS EYES THIS BTCH REALLY MARYING AN UNDRSF VAMPIRE HOE this shit is horryighn why was i not scare?

- carlisle is the love of y life

- sth is a lil ray of sunishen 

- i just reaized howd fucked it is that sue and chalrie are starng to catch feelz ut sue knows his daughter is funckugn off with a unded vamp emo iboi

- OMG I FCUKING HATE STEPHENE RACIST ASS I LEGIT MADE AP OST EARLIER SYAING LAURENT WANTED TO DO THE RIGHT THING ANDWOUVLEBE BEND A VEGETATIAN BITCH AND IRENEA CONFIRMED FCK THIS SHIT IM OUT ANG ANGRY

- charlie is gget ing drunk as hell my spiritn animel

- jesica is smart and beautiful she needs t os stop being jealous and petty know ya wotht girlie you got itl

- I SWEAR WHEN IGET MARRIED OSMEDAY IF ANYONE GIVES A SPEECH LIKE THIS I WILL PERSONALLY DRAGT HER ASS OUT.

- edwar lves her so much fck im all alone\

- how haoph hacob is when they hig i hate canonn they were best friends fc,

- jacob stay the fck outta her sex life she;s been wanting this for ad dman year fkc steohe let them jsut befriend

- steh is so swert but e is a chidl fck the is reacist plot bulshit

- CHARLIE DESEVRD BETTR FCK THIS PLOT FOR REAL I HAE CANON

- bela looks os ad she knows it’s goodbye but edward’s family is all smiling because they have her now hwat fthe ckc

- jac0bs cryng my heart brke

- i love bineg dunk 

- the scene isn rio is my faorite isn any of the movies eveyrhting looks warm and happy

- this bich can drive ab oat too damn he can just fod evryhin cant he

- CARLISLE BOUGHT A WHOEL DAMN ISALND FOR HIS WIFE AND I CANT ECVE GET A TEXT BACK? 

- deis this honeymon scene make anuone else unconmfy becuae same

- marying a vampire would be horrying af but also hot af and good af becuase htye oculd love so much and protect you from everythign fck 1-/10 woukd efeel safe

- bwll gaving a panic attakc ism e anyt tinme i try talking to an attractive man

- slepeign at last fckign ti up agin bit ch theis m yshit 

- when he said it was the best night i cred 

- tstoehe added the chess game like this shit is a hoje but i would love to play chess on my honemodn idk how uut  i want a man to each me but not mansplin

- WHY THE FUCJ AR THEY SO CTE ON THIS AMN HONEYMOON?

- i know i sadn it was horryig but i want a hotass vamp emo boi husband plas 

- damn jacob is being too emo she aint really gonan be ded for ever youll see her agianb itch

- ‘CULLENS ARE NOT A DNAGER TO THE TOWN OR TRUBE” BITCH IB EG TO FUCKIN DIFFER THIS SHIT BIOLOGICAL WARDARE RACIST ASS STPEHEN WRITING THIS FUCKING BULLTSIT

- ‘NONE OF THEM BELONG TO THEMSEVLES ANYGMROE” - SOMEONE SAID IT BITCH THSI SHIT IS FUCKRE IP

- i fucking hates these vamp racist bitches but i want a nonracist va,p husband bitch thus hot afck

- how tf does she not know shes rpegr yet eatin this weid ass shit?

- THESE FKERS BEEN AROUND FOR CENTURIES TLAKING BOU IDK IF ITS VEEN POSSIBEL BTICH YU SHOULD FUCKUGN KNO BY NOW

- ROVERT SPOEAKIN G PORTGUEVE IS SO KING ATRACTIV

- poor bella her life chaned so uqick and she[s soc scared fck dcnaon

- POOR CHARLIE I HATE THIS HE DESERVES TO BE LOVED AND TURTH TOLD

- ROSALEI IS THE EST 

- “YOU LOOK TERRBLE’ THIS IS THE FRIENDHSOP WE WANT WHYT THE FCK DOES FOPSTHE RUIN EALL THIS SHIT

- CARLISE IS FUNCIGJ HOT

- LIRALY BITCH I JUST WNAT A PURE FIRENDHSIP WUTH JACOB AND BELLA ITS WHAT THEY DESERVE FJC CAON

 - this montage is turopy a f when youre drunk waht the helc por jake thugh

- im sorry but i;n laughign my ass off at these fuckugn wolf vocie overs lmaoooo this shit hilarious

- SETH HAS SUCH A PURE HEART WHTY TF DID SPTEHEH RUIB HUS FUCJING CHILDHOOD BULTHIST

- WHY IS EVEYRIJE BSUCG AFUCKUGN BUTCG TO LEAH???? SHE DESEVRED THE FUCKING WORLD STPEHEN IS A RACISHT BITCHHHHHH

- calisbe is fos unicngn hot

- i just reaized robert is like the best fuckugn actor like this diolaguge is wha k as fuck btu he’s acitng all emo boi oscar worhty shti

- they realy had her fuckin drink blodo i hate cannjnonnn

- ifelel the same as kaje watchign this 

- but carlisle’s prety face made it all fuckig hetter

- FUCKRT HIS SHTI CHARLIE DESERVED BETTER HE’S THE BEST DAD FCK CANO NFUCK STEPRHNE 

- okay ut id is cute as fkc whe nedward hears the baby 

- esme and calrisle wilougn to risk their lives for bella i cryi

- fkc i really do hate cnaon because jake is acting liek an adult now and trying to do the honrble thig bue he should be a hpaoy chidl 

-  resnemsien is a ficking ridjcils name and we all fuckj nnew

- i ahte this part i’n bot even wathcing this shit rgros me rout 

- WHY THDID FUCK DID THIS BITCH HAVE A FUKCUNG SYRINGE OG VENOM LAYING AORUND? HOE!?!?!

- literlaiy fuick the dynamics of this whole moty hfknfucjg storyline plot bitch

- LEAH AND STHE DESERVERD BETTER

- SO DID JACOB

- SO DID ALL THE WOLFPAKC STPEHEN IS A RACIST AS SHOE

- aw hell here the fucks we hgo with theu ickgn im************** bulshit i ghate cnaojn canon can suck ad ick

- YES BILLY DEFEND YOUR CHIDL 

- rosalie is literally perfect when cnai b ehr 

- im real glad im drunk rin now because ioculd nto sit throguh this shit sober

- imp&******* is the worst plotline fkc]

- bit iamgiben falling alseo lookin gsick and waking up fhot as uck goals

- this sogn making me cry literlalu imcruing ims o alone lmao

- rheye really ended htoe move wirh red eyws lmaoooo

- hodl the fick up a damn minute stpeehebn producre htis cufkcng shit?

- now heres the hoes iv’ve been waiting on burnt the monarch fuckwits i hate thes epompis fuckers

- OVERTURBR THESE FUCKSERS THEY HAVE TIOO MUCH POWR 

CARLISR COULD FUCKING D OI T I HATE CNAON BRING THE VAMPIRE DECONOARCY

- OOHG BRUNNO MARS BRINGNG THE FUCKING SIMPSSHOES ANTHM I NEEDLOVE IT

[haeroniel-doliet]

gah another 5 am post eh fellas

fuck i really wanna do ballet. i really rarely become obsessed (if ever) with anything, but for once i’m so so so so soso wanting to do ballet. so bad. i know i might hate it bc im fucing not musical at all, so not in shape, so not comfortable or etc. but at least im 18,(wait fuck 19 now)  and not 45 trying to get in it all stiff and stuck and i think based on all the sweet positivity to adult ballet starters beginners and sure i wont perform professionally but fuck man i dont think i need that. i just want that grace and flexibility and elegance and gah itd be fabulous. i mean even now im pretending to look for turn out and walk around the house like they do in point shoes and i try fix my posture tothe advice by a ballet dancer youtuber who ive been watching so much of. i just i really wanna do it. 

saddest fucking thing is guys, that i could’ve had the chance to go to the fucking royal ballets adult absolute beginner classes. in london. i could have. fuck. u wanna know what happened? i found out about it like a month or two ago and was fucking psyched bc its one of those things that just is too good to be true. the best company in uk?? w adult classes? while im in london?? yeah id have to miss a few weeks bc. whoops i gotta go back up to do my exams,but i couldve at least done a few weeks, come back and done a few last so i’d have had the best opportunity to give this a go in the best environment and then have a kindling to go off with to other available ballets. and not start with some barely managing person in a shitty studio thing. idk. sure so i tell my parents so fuckin excited bc look! its possible! but yeah its expensive, wouldve been abt 90 pound w me being a student and id have to miss 3/10 classes. but still! thin of it gah its making me so sad happy. sad bc guess its now sold out. of fuckin course it is. i told my mom and she just was uhmm ohh i dunno i dunno, oh its adults i could do it, and thinking that maybe getting her involved would mean i have a better chance of going, dont care much for her company but if shed take it as a bonding thing hell, i’ll probably do better than her in class and minor confidence boost as well as if they all others are old old i wont be alone. and she could pass over what they learned when im up in scotland. Guess that was a fuckin mistake. she got all nervous and self concious and put it off with a we’ll see we’ll see about it im thinking. and making it a whole thing like instead of me wanting to go so bad and offering for fun that shed join me, as if im trying to pressure her into doing it and would only go along to make her feel better. uh.... fucking wrong! im so mad actually. bc of course, no matter how often i mentioned it she wouldnt take it seriously to even consider booking me in! no no of course not we’ll see. and then i check before im coming back, dreading and being right that yep. theyre fucing sold out. of course they are its such a fanstastic opportunity! my only fucking opportunity! when ever again am i going to live in london with weeks free to go participate in that? when ever again? never. theyre moving out of london this summer and fuck. just doing some research and the scottish ballet is in fucking glasgow. yes i was supposed to get there if i hadnt been so shit with studying for my exams. (sure i wouldnt be doing archery and wouldnt have all the other wonderful things i now enjoy in aberdeen but fuck its frustrating) and ofc. aberdeen seems to have: one shady dance company that offers ballet fusion. not adult ballet classes. another shady school that practices at robert gordons that have no website nothing. no info how to sign up or if they have adult classes or when its so stupid and weird. maybe ill have to contact them directly idk. sure my uni has a what seems to be a thriving dance society that i have a glitched out membership for. (its 50 pound a year and i have cerrainly not paid that) and i guess they do ballet on the side. but again from a glance around, looks its only intermediate. not beginners. dont think theres that many uni age girls who just wanna start ballet now. 

so it looks bleary. even in finland, i cant understand body parts in finnish so that might just be frustrating if i could even find a place that offers it. not that i’ll have long at all in finland. ill be there barely a month before heading back to uni and i come back holidays. if i wanted to take one of these eleven week courses, i think id have to geta fuckin liscence and a car and drive to glasgow 3 hrs both ways for a class once a week and that sjust stupid. im so fucking mad about this missed opportunity. like my muscles are itching and aching to do it. my legs want to work out in ballet positions. they just rly do. yeah maybe ill have to start doing barre at home from videos to try ease that, but its not gonna be the same and ill do it all wrong bc i have no teacher to direct me or anything. correct either. sure if i had done it and loved it i might still be mad that i have no opportunities to continue like i want to, but at least id have that expereince and could keep practicing at home based off of it.  i am genuinely upset okay. upset betrayed disappointed sad twitchy and ugh. sure tickets go on sale today to swan lake after exams. and by fuck will i go see it. and ill get all the background before it and know it inside and out before i see it (already kinda do) and i will love it. ill bemaybe more upset and more twitchy that i cant do it, that i cant be lie them and that rly sucks. i really really wish by some miracle the school would offer summer courses so that i could just, get myself after exams into one. also another frustrating thing not quite so pressing on my mind is how my dad wants me to get summer jobs, maybe even two. one here and one in finland. sure it should theoretically be easier getting it here, esp. since im 19 now and yeah. i could work in a cafe or store just to get money and have smth to put on a cv thats not 2 weeks. but i dunno i dont particularly want to, i was hoping in london i could get the most of it culturaly (considering ive been a pouting and sad whailer whos not done anything for the last two years) then again i have p much no friends here so if i did go work somewhere theres a slight chance thered be someone i get along with and could hang out w. or visit if i needa back in london. i dunno. things are weird. sure i could try get an admin job w nhs like some lady suggested but its one of those too much responsibilty things, consdiering im shit with work i kinda would prefer to do some physical job like stacking shelves in a shop bc im good at that. but thats not gonna help me in the future. money yes, but cv building or careers wise? nah. i should owrk in hospitality or smth i dunno even i can barely get thru my work to pass rn so  i dunno about job searching. im jsut a mess am i not. regardless maybe i should look if theres other ballet schoolsin london. be desperate, get a job and a ballet class going over summer and do art on the free time i guess. 

okay so fer now ive found a course for like fucking 156 pound thats a 2 day full days course that looks mad cool for having different classes to learn vocab and etc and then a bit of fucking swanlake like yooo.. best thing its in like july but thats also possibly bad bc its july 28-29 and july 30 we move out. man it could be cool tho. then they offer there as well a taster session p much every other week and then a full 8 weeks of class p near by to me. sure this is specifically taught by a man and id prefer a woman but, i guess. since its ideal timing and place. and i got wondering why thats 150 and the national ballet wouldve been abt 90 and i guess there i get concession and it wouldve been only 6 classes considering the dates they had off. i should rly ask if they do do concession bc 150 is a bit steep still. for 8 classes thats almost 20 pound for 75 mins. its kinda insane. theres probably more companies i havent looked at but there is one other thats like a drop in thing 10 pound cash each class and thats a 90 mins so it might be better. ofc. obv. fault being that its drop in so being an absolute beginner w likely a lot older adults idk how id fit in or keep up or get hte most of it. i think ill go try it once regardless. then when back in abdn ask around for taster sessions and beginner ballet. worst comes to worst i wait another 4 years till i get to a big enough city that they have a nice ballet company and somewhere i can live like an adult but also get in on adult ballet and enjoy myself. maybe my industrial placement city will have  a ballet company idk. 

all i know is that im a bit obsessed and everyone says to go for your dreams etc. and as much as i enjoy archery (slowly gonna dedicate to it) and aikido (though training can be frustrating and training with old men isnt that fun) and ice skating is another less of a dream but in the same realm as ballet. that im gonan get new skates for and give it a better try. i just think ballet could  be so fucking rad and im sad that its not so easy rn. and that my mom fucked me over. for that one course that couldve been cheap and amazing and mindchanging. to go to the ballet knowing what some of it feels like would be great. sure id love  a chance to do some after as well u know. ofc it sucks it might cost a couple hundred over summer to these hobbies and i feel iffy spending 180 on a quality waterproof jacket. sure. they spend it but, im v concientious and dont wanna spend much of their money esp cus im not making my own. i guess logically, i should put a bunch of effort to getting thru this term rly well without lies and get a sumemr job. that way, i could theoretically take loan from my parents  and pay back with summer job money w some left over to do as i like with (yeah i should save it for sensible shit but idk) also considering how nice i am my dad might not even want me to pay back. look i dunno. thats an idea. be good, be rewarded w ballet classes and an unstrained relationship w my parents, joyously move back to finland and start next term w a clean slate, hopefully more help and new determination into hobbies. maybe i wanna do 4 sports since i never did much as i was younger. tho sure, i did aikidos cousin taekwondo. ive shot a bow and arrow whenever i had a chance. ive skated since literally like 3 yrs old. and i used to take a form of dance a alot younger. sure no musicality but i think the exercises would be great for my knees and legs and butt and torso and posture. htese are fun sports since i dont like to work out. and since im not comfortable enough in myself to go swim. 

[oflgtfol]

i had the weirdest dream before and i wish i typed it out earlier bc im starting to forget it but my hands felt too weak when i first woke up lol DX

so i was in my bedroom with a bunch of ppl my age. i have no idea who they were. i think i was the loner of the group anyway. and then we all got this emergency alert on our phones. that an asteroid was heading towards the earth and was going to crash in hungary within the next hour, but its effects would be felt worldwide. apparently space travel was advanced enough that we were all supposed to pack and head to the nearest space ship dock thing so we could escape into space

i was trying to pack as much as possible but everyone else in my room finished within like 2 minutes. so i held everyone behind (it still only felt like i took 5 minutes??) and somehow the hour was up and we were too late and we hadnt even left the house yet

the people in my room like disappeared lol and then it was just me and my family members who Actually Live Here. when we stepped outdoors, everything was burnt and destroyed. houses were hollowed out, with thin scorched walls that were barely standing. windows were blown out. our house fared better but was also destroyed. our entire street was totally deserted. we were loading up into the car to go... somewhere? maybe we were still gonna go to the space dock thingy even though we’d already passed the hour mark, idk, but as we were loading up. i think we left our dog in the house. i think because we werent allowed to bring animals onto the space ship and we thought maybe she could survive better scavenging around idk

but she has severe separation anxiety and. she broke out of the house, like we heard her yelping in a way she never has before, and then she was running out from the backyard, she must’ve broken thru the back door of the house. and she came running towards us where we were in the driveway and then she just stood there barking at us like she was so desperate to not be left behind and it legitimately broke my fuckin heart im gonna cry just thinking about it and its like. there was no good option. bc we couldnt bring her along, but also we knew she would not survive on her own, just bc of the separation anxiety alone. it was like, damned if you do, damned if you dont

and tehn suddenly my fuckin? grandma? emerged from our backyard as well?? followed by a bunch of more obscure family members i havent seen in years? who live nowhere near where we do???? and my grandma picked my dog up and was like “its fine, you guys go on ahead, she’ll be here with us”

and so like. we got into the car. and it was also similarly burned out and scorched like the houses but it was still somehow functional. so as we were sitting there letting it run for a minute, my mom had some red straws. and she was like. “i only actually have x amount of straws, but look, theres so many more. im trying to see whats real and what isnt” and so when she picked up the straws... we saw her pick up all of them, but when she lifted her hand, only about half of them were actually there. like somehow, the other straws just did not get picked up. typing this out makes this seem insane LMAO but somehow in the dream that was an indication that like, this isnt reality. this is an illusion or something

and then we looked up and. the car was in pristine condition again. and all the houses were normal

this is where i wish i typed this out earlier because i know way more happened after this but i just cannot remember. but i do remember at some point i got woken up by my alarms, but fell back to sleep, but then i was aware i was dreaming and so i got a glimpse of a lucid dream but like. at that point i was with some weird crowd of people and we were all gonan die or soemthing but we knew it wasnt real, and so this one kid stood up and was like “im looking forward to dying! :D” and i just looked up at him and was like. wow! im dreaming. i should be in control of everything then right? so i was like. u wanna die? ok! so then like. a fucking knife came down from the sky and stabbed him straight in the head and blood went everywhere and i was like UHM I WENT TOO FAR and then i woke up for real <3

[speak-fronch]

tagged by @westcoastrohman 

rules: answer the questions and tag 20 blogs you want to get to know better

nicknames: jasi (only my ex called me that), jas

star sign: libra

height: 5′3 or 5′4 i dont know

time right now: 12:39 pm

last thing you googled: zen zen zense kira remix (IM GONAN FUCKJIN CRY)

fave music artist: starset or eden 

song stuck in my head: eden - sex bc ive been listening to it for the past 3 hours

last movie I watched: heathers LMAO it’s so good and i realized it was R rated after i watched it

last tv show i watched: iZombie season 2 im still waiting for season 3 shhhngnh

when i created this blog: probably when i was 12??

do i get asks regularly?: i never get asks actually

why did i choose my url: for the Memes™ 

gender: female i guess

hogwarts house: whats a harry potter im sorry i failed you

pokémon team: mystic bathes in the blood of their enemies

favorite color: grey/black because im an Emo™ 

average hours of sleep: 3-4 im getting better tho

lucky number: 6 or 7

favorite characters: rem from re:zero and JD from heathers

dream job: medical researcher or PYTHON programmer (not really python programmer anymore bc of FORHAN)

number of blankets I sleep with: two or three because im cold just like my soul

i dont have lots of friends so ill tag a few @agent-a-mazing @mothmanmonthly @doverdemondaily @loud-fella @theycallme-brea and anyone else who reads this i guess ha

[mspa]

man idk what’s wrong with nme but for the past likie 2 or 3 months i have been in such a bad place mentally and nothing is workign out for me and i am trying so hard to make everything feel right but it doesnt work fuck i fucking hate this so much

theres a Boy i am talking to and he just wants seuxal things and it bothers me because i need attention but not that kind quite yet but i still follow through with shit becaus ei tsthe only way i feel confident but it feels so wrong but not wrong i dont know how to expakin it hes so in love with me and i feel terrible i ike him a lil but ... its not rightn i want to be sure

so many peolple are in love with me and it puts so much stres son me theres nothing to like acbout me i hate myself so much holy shit 

my ex started talkign to me two days ago bc i did a thing and th eother Boy added him to a cal and i honsetly felt so happy hearing his voice an d id ont know why likie.................... ive tried to suppress those feleings for so long why are they comign up HAH AH AH A he doesnt want to talk to me though i wish he wanted to talk to me i want to talk to him every day i wnt ato torture myself with remembering what happened and thinknign about what could have been i misstn hat kind of love i miss feeling something for someone i miss feelign like a unit i mis s having someoen to depend on i miss having someone eto talk to lmao but helikies someone else an shes a kpop stan an shit and it makes me feel so badbvecuase i am definitely being replace di remember whne he told me he would nver find somoene like m eweat happened to that what happened to me being wroht something to someoen  he set her selfie as his wallapper he never did tha ttfor me and wedated for 8 moonths i want to fall outn  of moderate feelings or  somethin i wish i could be stabl ei wihs i could feel like someone he ,ade me feel like no one i njust want to talk to him regualkrly but nah im worthlessn to him he probably didnt think aobut me at all he prpobably thinks im disgustng i want him to TALKT O ME HAHAH AHA FHGFDGDFG

also my surugery date is gonna b scehduled soon and idk wat to think of it i dont want surgery i dont wa tn this 

fuck inm like crying really hardan dthis is really bad i dont want to cry im sick and my mnmose is already tstuffed up its 3 am and ihave important shit to do why can tmy life be good

i was gonna say more stuf fn but i got caugt up thinking about my ex haha hhoo

i dont even wannan sleep because i know im gonan dream about hinm and that shappene for the past like 3 dats i want it to stopi wish i never fell in love