#im going to end it all rn
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i just finished trespassers 1
#doctor who#jenny flint#the paternoster gang#im going to end it all rn#WDYM VASTRA DIDNT NOTICE A THING#REG YOU BITCH#I CSNT DO THIS ANHMORE#GIVE MY GIRL A BREAK#vastra was so ready her VOWS WERE SO SWEET#BUT THAT WAS NOT HER DAMN WIFE#u cant just make them have a 10 sec makeout scene after all the married bickering#and then take that AWAY
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happy halloween! 🎃🐈⬛👻🐇
#i just wanted to draw emu as a jiangshi .#project sekai#pjsk#prsk#emu otori#proseka#tsukasa tenma#nene kusanagi#rui kamishiro#wxs#wonderlands x showtime#polysho#enjoy halloween everynyan unfortunately i have to go work a shift. i thought abt dressing up for fun when i get back#but 1 im lazy 2 i dont live alone and its my luck that somebody ends up knocking when im in the middle of being dressed like a clown#so i would rather not risk it. idk how people get into cosplay just for photoshoots/videos i dont have that conviction .#but halloween con was lots of fun and i got to see friends and trade candy so i enjoyed my celebration already. ^_^#also STOP BEATING THE SHITNOUT OF ME IDEK IF I CAN BOOO BACK FROM A SIDE BLOG. YOURE KILLUNG ME#once again some random guy will be hittimg you back. boo#to end my tags i am going to be pissed off because i cannot draw well rn and its KILLING MEEEEEE#im art blocked as hell and mad about it. my zines....#its so annoying like with my personal art its whatever but people spend Money on zines i need to get good.#its been like over a week so i thought inwould be free. sigh#i often draw emu fiending off of tsukasa. the way things should be. amen#also inthink rui would love to go all out for costumes but he got busy modding a tshirt launcher to shoot candy and forgot abt his costume#so hes a tuxedo cat. he thinks hes so funny
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if you struggle with mental health, one piece of advice i would genuinely give you is learn to knit.
or crochet: something repetitive to do with your hands, assuming you're capable of it. if you're like me and learnt to knit as a kid but let it lie fallow for a long time, it may be that starting a large, simple project (for me it was a cloak, but a blanket could work too) gets you back into it. or maybe doing something smaller, idk. i personally found socks really hard for a while because they felt smaller than my cloak but weren't getting Done quick enough for me. as i've sped up i find it more interesting to knit socks.
regardless, a repetitive task is great for emotional regulation (also see: autistic stimming), and something that you can look at and go hey i've done something, unlike simply using a fidget toy, can also help to pick your mood up when the brain is being cruel.
it's also useful as a conversation starter or distracter if you don't know what to talk about. if you're wanting to talk to older people also you're more likely to reel them in with knitting (i work better with older people, and 99% of people who ask what i'm knitting are older than me). it also gives you the opportunity to not make eye contact because you're busy knitting, even if you're still carrying on a conversation. if you're absolutely stuck for conversation you can count your stitches and people might stop bothering you.
if you have trouble focusing without doing something with your hands, you can knit! i knit a lot in church, and it helps me to focus on what's being said.
i probably have more reasons you should pick up knitting, but i can't recall them right now, so yeah.
#knitting#catkin knits#i remember one specific time back in october where i was sitting in Bible class utterly unable to stop the most horrible thoughts going#through my head. i was knitting as fast as i've ever knitted. no exaggeration to say i was knitting to stop myself from attempting to die.#and afterwards i sat there in the corner knitting for all i was worth. just repeating to myself 'not now. i am not killing myself now.'#and someone saw me in the corner frantically knitting and came to ask if i was ok. and asked how my mental health was.#must've been end of oct bc it was the first wednesday after i was out of psych ward. and i was having lots of thoughts about the method#i'd used for what is still my most recent suicide attempt. which was in october. and i had the means with me.#it would have been a horrible thing to do. to kill oneself at Bible class. with children around. but i wasn't in a particularly hinged stat#of mind at the time. that's approximately the only clear memory i have of that time in fact.#anyway idk why im thinking of that rn when im fine
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honestly i don't think sqq (jiu) would have minded the accusations of preferential treatment from yqy if they'd felt true. like as children he guarded the title of being yue qi's Favorite with teeth and claws. why shouldn't he be given preferential treatment? everyone ought to know just who qi-ge likes and trusts over everyone else. and for good fucking reason--who else here is watching out for qi-ge? as peak lords he's literally 2nd in command and chief tactician, if yqy values his word over yours, then its both what makes most sense and also what he deserves.
the thing is that to sqq, being accused of being favoured by yqy over others now just feels like a sick joke, because obviously (to him) that's not the fucking case. if he actually gave him preferential treatment you'd think he'd listen to what he has to fucking say, instead of believing what anyone else tells him about sqq. you'd think, if he was yqy's favorite, he wouldn't have left him to rot.
so i think, in a setting where they reconcile after becoming peak lords, that sqq would very much slap yqy's love for him in everyones faces as a kind of power move. a kind of, "oh, you thought that was favouritism? you havent seen yet what it looks like when qi-ge lets himself favour someone."
#svsss#shen jiu#may be related to the chapter of mott im editing rn#i mean at the end of the day what sj wants more than anything is love and security. and this soothes both of those needs#so long as sqq knows his place in yqy's heart i think he would not think twice about brandishing it to make a point#there is great power to be had in making sure everyone knows that the most powerful man in the world is your loyal dog#its just so funny to me to imagine post getting together qijiu like#other peak lord: zhangmen-shixiong is showing preferential treatment!!#yqy: yes <3#also i think sj is the kind of person who would think “if im going to be punished then at least i should do something worth punishing”#which is self-sabotaging behaviour at its core but sj is all about the self-sabotaging baby!!#at least if youre punished for something you did you know what you did wrong (get caught)#theres a kind of helpless anger in being punished for things that arent true/your fault that i think drives sj fucking insane
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ivy grapefruit. grapefruit ivy
#ive been experimenting with colorssss alotttttttt#im not really sure what to think so. let me know if you like it#trying to figure out how they work better and all#anygays i posted a sketch of this a while ago i think. i liked the pose a lot so i worked on it some more#its cute...... i really like how it ended up#skdnfs though i cant really telll what it looks like rn cuz my eyes hurt mskdfs#andi think there was something else i wanted to say but i cant remember. so ill just go to sleep for now#diary#milk
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akai art for beloved tumblr mutual @itotypes <33 (it's a bsd x atla au btw if anyone wants to check it out.. although i wouldn't recommend it for the weak hearted)
fic name: akai || author: @/itotypes on ao3
#literally did this from character descriptions in the fic i couldn't find a reference itoooo im so sry 😭😭#rly hope i remembered the bottom scene correctly?? i think chuuya was wearing dazais clothes bc he didnt want earth nation attire💀#anyway that scene was so hot i was biting back screams the entire time#ALSO I FOUND OUT I CANT DRAW FRECKLES.. WHY IS IT SO HARD#speaking of which dazai looks so cute w freckles and a tan and black hair im investing hes so so cute in this au😭#i don't even read fics so i was very mentally unprepared for the ending.. ito could've shot me it would've hurt less#anyway forcing all my mutuals to go read akai rn. it's required#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#dazai osamu#osamu dazai#chuuya nakahara#nakahara chuuya#soukoku#skk#lotus draws
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None of these niceties.
#limited life smp#limited life spoilers#limited life#inthelittlewood#martyn limited life#i have brainrot over the life series rn#y'all i haven't done fanart for things in a long time#what an ending bravo to all#like truly im going feral over here LMAO i haven't wanted to do art in ages#blood tw#realized i should've added that in sorry yall
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in light of tedtrent becoming so real, im also jumping on the tedtrent epilogue 😊
there's just no way ted wouldn't keep in touch with the others (and have weekly zoom meetings just like in the christmas special) and I just love the thought of the whole team having reunions once in a while.
and going back to trent's arc in s3, the sunflowers conversation, "And your daughter?" "She's never been happier." I think it could go the same for ted.. we've never really properly saw how henry felt about his dad being in london, it's always other people that told ted his son misses him, who's to say henry would rather see his dad happy because that in turn would make him happy too? he was there to win the whole thing, right? I just know ted’s story isn’t done yet when he still hasn’t learned to let others take care of him in return and who else to pair him with than the man who blew up his career because a man was nice to him (and also because they were so. so cruel for the fakeout tedbecca scenes for that finale) 🥺
I'm no writer so just pretend these are snapshots of a slow burn fic where ted visits london for their team reunion and slowly realizes that trent has a crush on him and they kiss about it 💛
#ted lasso#trent crimm#tedependent#ted lasso fanart#tedtrent#ted x trent#I HAVE SOOOOOO MUCH MORE THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS BTW its just that its 4am rn and i cannot type down my thoughts for the life of me </3#im just so not over that ending and how weird it felt for ted to end his story like that.. not like he can turn back to michelle since#dr. jacob is right there.. i want this man to feel loved and cared for and actually have a place he knows he can call home and that was#richmond for me.. to the family we were born with. and to the family we make along the way etc etc etc#ted lasso spoilers#<- FORGOT ABOUT THAT.#i can finally say i loved the ending for all the callbacks and stuff but I NEED THIS MAN TO BE HELDDDD!!!!! *everything explodes around me*#he even went back there WITHOUT BEARD :( his bestfriend for sooo long who was there for all their ups and downs. i dont like beard and jane#being together but the fact ted didnt even go to their wedding too like ...??! what is going onnnn#also graying lasso is just something so indulgent for me . hush#pn.art#JUST YKNOW!!! I HOPE YALL UNDERSTAND WHAT IM SAYING ITS REALLY REALLY LATE I PROBABLY SHOULDVE WAITED TILL LATER TO POST THIS BUT JAHJVAKDG#my memory is really bad too so i could also be misremembering scenes and im too eepy to check the scenes i had in mind so u_u#ALSO apologies that its taking me sooo long to draw things i recently joined a mc server and ive been playing it all day and night HFSJGFSH#im sooo scared of making these type of posts because i dont have the balls to make the wrong choices in other people's eyes but GRAAH!!!!!#<- i love tedtrent bUT WHAT IF PEOPLE THINK IM CRINGGGEEEE!!!!!#THATS ALL.... i have more drawings in mind that ill get around to later.. for now goodnight <3
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What’s your coziest headcannon regarding RadioApple?
uhm they spoil each other a lot.
#messyr#and im drawing smth about it rn for a prompt. LMAOOOOO#i like the idea of the both prideful mfs having to go all out in act of service/gift giving as love language they end up bickering-#shit like ' NO I CANT TAKE THIS' 'WHY NOT? FINE I CAN GIVE U SMTH BETTER' 'NO I CAN' 'WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT' BLAH BLAH#deny all they want- and ud see the item being worn the next day or being kept in their room somewhere they can ALWAYS see
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tbh one of, if not my absolute favorite part about ffxiv, is the small little moments/sections where nothing super big or like. Plot Important happens, but that give both the characters and us, the players, some much appreciated down-time to just. Feel things. And to process what's happened and what's going on or to just. Let us exist, in the moment. In a much more grounded and human way than when there's Big And Important Things happening.
The biggest(imo) and earliest example of this is right after the Waking Sands get raided in ARR, and WoL turns to the church for guidance. The entire section of us helping them gather and bury our fallen comrades, and especially bringing Noraxia home to Little Solace so she can be laid to rest in her homeland, by her own people and in their own cultural ways, was so so important to me.
Because it wasn't just replacable allies cast aside for shock value anymore, it was real. These deaths were real and meant something. I got to actually process what just happened, and I got to watch Banana go through it right with me. And not only did it make it feel real, it also gave me a sense of closure. These people, these friends, are dead, but they also got to be treated with the respect they deserve and laid to rest properly.
And that, more than anything else, made me want to save the world. It's grounded and grounding. This world, and these people, meant something to me, the player.
And there's tons of stuff like that throughout the game, especially in shadowbringers and endwalker.
In shb we have, for example, Lyna venting her anger and frustration after the sin eater attack in Lakeland. She's on her knees yelling on the verge of tears while punching the ground, so furious at her helplessness and powerlessness, at everyone having come so far yet set back because some megalomaniacal tyrant deemed it so.
In ew we have Urianger being approached by Moenbryda's parents, who confront him about not confiding in them about his grief. When Bloewyda starts to scold him, he of course reacts guiltily, believing they blame him, only for him to be completely caught off guard when she instead goes in to hug him, telling him he should have let them grieve with him. And he just. Breaks down. He's been holding these feelings, this grief inside him all this time, and now that he is not only told it's okay to let it out, but by her very own parents at that, he just can't keep it in anymore. He cries for Moenbryda, right then and there, being held lovingly by her family.
And the thing is, these scenes aren't necessary, strictly speaking. The plot at large could go on without them, the events that happen around them are not changed by these moments in any way.
But still, they are so so important, to the world, to the characters, to the players. Everything feels real and impactful now, every death means something, every tragedy, every person, feels real.
And that, to me, is what makes this story so special.
#and this isnt even mentioning my absolute favorote of this kind of moments#which is the twins' conversation while held hostage in tertium#its not as emotionally intense as the ones i listed- its not even really about their emotions much at all#but its just. such a good scene that demonstrates just who they are and what their dynamic is and just. them.#im not going into that scene rn bc if i did id end up using all the tags to rant but like. its So Important to me okay#i think about it constantly#this game is just. so good at making the characters feel like real people with real feelings who reacts to everything that happens around#them#oooouuugh i am unwell. i will never be normal about this game. ever.#warrior of light#wol#banana pepper#lyna#urianger augurelt#moenbryda wilfsunnwyn#< in spirit#final fantasy#final fantasy 14#final fantasy xiv#ff14#ffxiv#xander rambles
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day 7 of torikasa week is future! what will they do after graduation?
#torikasa#enstars#ensemble stars#tori himemiya#tsukasa suou#art tag#torikasa week 2024#i fear im tagging it slightly differently every day#the first page is actually from may hsldkjfhlsjfds#and you can kinda tell because that was the height of my ''they should be in different continents.'' era#promessa fixed me later#but i still entertain this thought often....#after this tsukasa says something dismissive and hurtful and tori gets angry because he was actually excited to share this!#why can't you be happy for me!#but tsukasa can't be happy. because it means he can no longer be by tori's side. then realization. then ooook a lot to unpack there#then maybe he offers to help tori with english#he doesn't want to cut off his wings after all!!!!!!!!!1#then maybe and only maybe he ends up going along with tori despite everything#since this is more like a self-imposed distance in the end#tho if we're being real since this is enstars tori would end up going back to japan like twice a month izumi-style#this writes itself. im not drawing it rn but it does#i think both separation and going abroad together is good#terrible roommates at college sounds so fun............. that should definitely happen in canon my favorite business majors#comic#nearly forgot that one
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AND I MET THE CHANGE GOD TOO. OKAY. COOL OKAY
#I WASNT EVEN MEANING TO SO I ACCIDENTALLY SKIPPED THE DIALOGUE BEFORE I KNEW WHAT WAS HAPPENING FUCK#ill go and find it later if only to give myself peace of mind. BUT WOW. WHAT THE FUCK#my original plan was to 1) work my way to the king and talk to him 2) doom myself and take everyone down with me 3) loop back to floor 3#so i can visit the observatory and scrounge for any lore. although since i got killed that run siffrin asked the king to kill him first#which was intereresting. but i decided to have all doors unlocked that time around so i can just get the starcrest and go#but for some reason it wasnt working so i went to get the keyknife since i was already there and completely forgot i already had it#from the previous loop and THATS what triggered it. IT WAS FUNNY BUT ALSO SCARY BUT ALSO I THINK I GET WHAT THEY MEAN#about siffrin going back without actually changing. going along with a script even if his feelings on things change#the same way he has his own small rituals like the carving thing and does it for constancy. reassurance or safety even#and the times when he breaks script and ends horribly like the sadness attacking thing and bonnie yelling at him cause him to loop#to avoid it. although i cant really say anything bc id probably do the same thing. maybe not for the same reasons since im cruel#and make him do the worst to see what will happen since i put curiosity over rejection sensitivity as an observer and player but well.#i feel wrongfooted bringing it up since i dont have it myself but i have to wonder if this kind of leans into ocd tendencies.. i remember#reading something about how ocd is fuelled by fear. and things like counting and rituals are kind of used to cope with that?#if anyone knows anything more or talked abt it already id be really interested in hearing it bc im almost sure im not#the first to come to this conclusion. but i simply dont know enough nor have the confidence to broach the topic rn esp with how often#misconceptions around ocd get casually passed around so its hard for me to know what is and isnt a baseless assumption#puppy plays isat#in stars and time#isat#playthru#isat spoilers#in stars and time spoilers#isat act 3 spoilers#change god#WHAT WAS THAT WITH WEARING LOOPS FACE THOUGH WHAT THE FUCKKK
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pillowbook thoughts because ive been thinking about them all day!
#pillowbook#bfdi#i havent rewatched tpot in a long time i have like 0 memories of the earliest episodes#for all intents and purposes these are my ocs#im prob gonna end up watching tpot again soon tho#just ymmm not rn okay?#pillow is a good character because you never kno what shes thinking#you cant know. figuring out her thought process takes away her charm#its like dissecting a frog#u understand it but it dies in the process#book is going insane over here#bc the 1 thing shes trying desperately to do rn#is fit in with new friends#but shes surrounded by a bunch of fucking freaks#who if were put in a well adjusted society would be outcast#but book is a newbie in this stuff#she doesnt have room to talk rn#so shes just trying her hardest to gauge what is a new normal#but its hard when pillow is glued to your side for some reason#and even by these guys standards shes weird!#mixed signals :/#talk
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of all the star wars movies, which of them do y'all 1) enjoy the most 2) consider the best quality and 3) think you've rewatched the most. add your answers in the reblogs or replies, i'm genuinely curious how much of an overlap there is within everyone's three answers. mine don't overlap at all! they're revenge of the sith, empire strikes back, and the force awakens :^)
#len speaks#star wars#revenge of the sith#empire strikes back#the force awakens#not tagging more films than that bc i cant b bothered. incoming tag ramble ahead bc i have sw brainrot rn and im making it everyones prob❤️#i rlly struggled 2 remember if id watched tfa or aotc more. i went w/ tfa bc it was formative to me as a teen and ive seen it probably 6ish#times? whereas aotc was the first sw movie i remember (specifically the scene of obiwan serving c*nt in the bar lmao) but i've only seen it#for sure 4.5 and maybe 5.5 times. the .5 is from when i got bored after obi-wan's scene ended and ran off to go play in the mud or smthn 😭#i'm sure tfa will eventually get surpassed in number of rewatches by aotc and rots bc i don't fw the direction of the ST but that's my#current ballpark estimate of my total number of rewatches#as an adult tho if i just wanna watch a star war i'll go with aotc bc it's fun and ends semihappily and i can turn my brain off for the#spinny lightsabers. it's great background noise or for if you're sick or whatever. rots on the other hand? i won't talk through that unless#i'm quoting it with my brother and i am LOCKED IN 100% entirely entranced by it all#i almost picked rogue one for the best quality answer but i think the character writing is weaker and the facial cgi is creepy. esb beats#it by a hair imho bc of that. the vader hallway scene goes hard tho!!!#also i'm not covering shows or games or books or anything else in this post - simply the films. might ask abt shows later but that might#also give me hives bc so many of the shows suck ass and i don't rlly want ppl extolling the virtues of t.bb in my notes 💀#and yes i do think one's enjoyment and one's opinion of quality are two things that often overlap. but sometimes you just like something#bad and that's awesome. like rots is the best of the prequels by a large margin and i adore the opening and characters and many of the#scenes but that doesn't mean it's the best star wars has to offer ykwim? it's my specialest most favoritest sw movie but that doesn't blind#me to the dialogue lmfaooo
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something poetic about mr crepsley "killing" darren after blooding him. paralyzing him, breaking his neck, digging his body back up after watching his funeral from afar, and that symbolizing the end of darrens first life. the end of his past family. he's entirely mr crepsley's now. his assistant. his son. his blood.
#he rebirthed that boy. changed darren's blood and dna to be his own so that he'll be all his and can never go back to his family#the fact hed watched him until the exact time he could force darren to agree to be his assistant.#he knew darren stole madam octa. he knew it wouldnt end well. hed watched him for those 2 weeks until all hell broke loose#and waited for darren to come find him to ask for help. and he used that against darren. and did everything he could to make him All His.#idk im going through something severe rn....#captain's log#cdf#cirque du freak
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Not sure who it beat the futz outta but I'm sure they deserved it
#kept going back and forth on whether i wanted to make the blood stand out more#like to i make it bright and very very red or do i leave it more realistic#i ended up sorta compromising and then adding a bit of MBs own fluids to the mix cause why not#Murderbot#fanart#the murderbot diaries#art (asshole research transport)#Murderbot Diaries#secunit#first look at my Perihelion crew logo!#based on some of my favorite shirts from my own closet#shitty background because im working on another pic with a much more elaborate background thats slowly killing me#i have work i need to be doing and a zine piece i need to finish buuuuut my head hurts and rn its just#easier to work on some self indulgent stuff rn#anyway the scene in Network Effect where MB eviscerates the Grey Targets by more or less#liberating them of their spines#lives in my head rent free#i was having a good chuckle at all the tags on my MB character sheet that are like#ITS SO FRIENDSHAPED AND SOFT#because i was already drawing this one of it splattered in blood djejdhsh#get u a blorbo that can be both i suppose!
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