#im going to burn someone
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day 13 of TRYING to post any doodle i have until i accept an uni
this was supposed to be a finished animation BUT MY LAPTOP JUST DECIDED TO FUCKING CRASH I GUESS. enjoy this gif i made long time ago instead.
edit: IT HAS A FUCKING MUSIC RECORDED IN THE BACKGROUND. I ACCIDENTALLY LEFT IT THERE omg im such a mess
#cats#im not even gonna tag silverruns and reignex#ragey#animation#doodle#dopido#ok bye <3#im going to burn someone
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the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.
sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.
you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.
it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.
but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.
they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.
they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.
barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.
and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.
but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.
they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!
this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.
#this shifts gender so much bc it actually affects everyone#yes it's a gendered phenomenon. i have written a LOT about how different genders experience it. that's for a different post.#writeblr#ps my comments about seeing someone cry -- this is not to shame any person#and on this blog we support workers.#at the same time it's a really hard experience to see someone that looks like you. clearly in agony. and have them forced to keep going.#when you're young it doesn't necessarily look like acting. it looks scary. and that's what this is about - the fact that teens#have likely already been exposed to that definition of things. because the internet exists#and without the context of healthy education. THAT is the image burned into their minds about what it looks like.#it's also just one of those personal nuanced biases -#at 19 i thought it was normal to be in pain. to cry. to not-like-it. that it should be perfunctory.#it was what i had seen.#and it didn't help that my religious upbringing was like . 'yeah that's what you get for premarital. but also for the reference#we do think you should never actually enjoy it lol'#so like the point im making is that ppl get exposed to that stuff without the context of something more tender#and assume .... 'oh. so it's fine i am not enjoying myself'. and i know they do because I DID.#he was my first boyfriend. how was i supposed to know any different#i didn't even have the mental wherewithal to realize im a lesbian . like THAT used to suffering.
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you motherfuckers have no concept of what "land back" or "decolonize" even mean. you're too busy demonizing entire groups of people, terrified, shitting yourselves, that they'll do even half of the horrors to you that you've done to them for decades or centuries. this shit comes off as hella racist for real. you hate arabs so much. you hate first nations people so much. you hate black people so much. even if you sympathize with them, you can't fucking bear the idea of them gaining freedom, independence, autonomy, safety, because you're so, so scared they'll hurt you back and cause chaos in the streets. these same people who just want to rebuild. who just want to go home. who just want to see their families again. who just want food. who just want medical care. who just want dry, warm shelter. you're so focused on the ideas of colonization, of "us vs. them", of one people displacing the other for a state to exist, that you cannot comprehend coexistence, and your only idea of peace is if an entire group of people were just gone and dead.
grow the fuck up. for the love of GOD, grow the fuck up.
#eli talks#rant#i just watched a video shared by someone i'd been following a while denying the genocide occuring in gaza entirely#are you kidding. are you fucking kidding me.#the video was trying to run with the idea that “from the river to the sea” means jewish people will be expelled from the region#no the fuck it does not you stupid motherfucker that's NOT what decolonization is#anyway. land back. decolonize. from the river to the sea. peace and love on planet earth.#stop razing olive trees. stop scorching the earth. stop bombing hospitals and schools. stop destroying the sea.#if i have to see another palestinian child undergo anesthesia-free amputation im going to start being physically fucking violent#if i have to see another mother with blood on her hands wailing and begging for her child to come back im going to start burning shit#one day all the people of palestine will be free. muslims and jews and christians and all and none.#one day all the people of sudan will be free. all the people in the congo will be free. all the peoples in the americas will be free.#and all the other occupied places suffering genocides and ethnic cleansings that the news neglects to mention. theyll be free too.
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staff logging on to tumblr dot com today
#staff sweetie i Promise you an algorithm would kill this webbed site#changing the way reblogs look/work would Absolutely kill this webbed site too#this is a Blogging Platform i dont want it to be like tiktok or twitter jesus#if you NEED to change something literally listen to the the Tumblr Users you pretend you cant hear#if money is what you need make your userbase Happy and you should be fine#the shop is fine blaze posts are fine ad free subscriptions are fine but dont get rid of shit that Works For You in favor of making money#someone really laced up their clown boots today im. so tired staff please dont#tumblr staff#EDIT: staff updated their original post to say we were all misunderstanding but#that doesnt stop the post from being stupid#the whole post was worded for Investors and then presented to the userbase#if you say 'we have big changes planned!' and dont put in the 'as options' its Your Fault that people read it as 'were changing everything'#staff isnt stupid. they know how they Should have worded it better than what they did#so yeah. someone Did lace up their clown boots before they hit post#edit pt 2 lol for the record i dont think tumblr would actually go through with all their changes in that post#they know how the userbase is and there are A Lot of us#i just dont like how? idk. condescending? the post sounded#and out of every place on the internet being being burned alive in the name of money#tumblr is the one place i know enough about to be Actually mad at lol#ive really liked some stuff staff has done in recent years#but talking to your userbase that way wasnt one
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i know theres not much of a fandom here for the will of the many but ,,,.., i just finished it and.,,,,, im in shambles. life is moving around me and I'm still in shock. I have things to do but i cant even think. what,, am i supposed to do. just go on? pretend im okay with this till the next one comes out??? I FEEL LIKE A ZOMBE. I FEEL LIKE NOTHING MATERS. ALL I FEEL IS-
i dont think ive ever been hit by a book hangover as much as this like wtf even was that /pos HELLO??? CAN ANYONE HEAR ME??? LKSJFLSKJBFLKSJBFLKSBFK:BSF:KBSF:KJBHSF:KJ
#the only way forward is to live in a state of denial#i need someone to talk to abt it but every time i even think too hard i start to shake like a wet dog#please please if you come across this in the void somehow and havent read it PLEASE give it a shot#actually pro tip- dont fucking do that#the will of the many#james islington#already read the one and only fic thank you for your service 🙏#I wanna chat spoilers but honestly i dont even know where to start#if [redacted] doesn't come back its on sight#give me my scrungle or give me death#when i tell you i was ugly crying its an understatement.#SPEAKING OF#[redacted]/vis would have been cannon if the author wasn't such a- [GUNSHOTS] (/lh)#hi hello its been a day but im back bc i cant stop thinking about this#“im going to make sure you burn for this” okay and im just supposed to be okay?? after all that??? IM JUST SUPOSED TO MOVE ON?????
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!!! FLASHING LIGHTS WARNING!!! [IM NOT FUCKIN AROUND!!]
REACHED THE CUSP OF 'THIS MAY NEVER BE ABSOLUTELY FINISHED N IF I DONT SHOW IT NOW, IT WILL NEVER SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY.' SO HERE, A PROJECT IVE BEEN ORBITING AROUND UHH SINCE 2021 OR SO.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi riptide#gillion tidestrider#cw flashing lights#LOOORRD OF LIGHTNING SAAAAVE ME!!!!#RAAAHHHH I LOVETHIS SONG SO FUCKIN MUCH AND I LOVE GILLION SO FUCKIN MUCH RAAHHHH!! RAAHHHH!!!#BUT YES YES I HAD LIKE A WHOLE OTHER HALF TO THIS SKETCHED OUT BUT IT WONT FINISH COOKIN FOR A MILLION YEAARS!!!!#MAYBE SOMEDAY.....#ANYWAY. this is my first time actually syncing audio to my animations. normally i domnt know howww.#i animated it all in fire alpaca AND THEN i mixed everything in a pirated movie maker. it kinda uh. sucks. but its WHAT I GOT BAYBE!!#i relaly like how i animate swishy hair... i was inspird by eris from sinbad. i can only HOPE i got on that level w the watery flowyness#LIUGHTNING IS HARD TO ANIMATE TOO. I WATCHED ALOTTA VIDEOS ABSORBED MINIMAL TUTORIALS AND UHH I THINK I DID OKAY!!#better than bad!!! but i can still do better. eventually. ugh. FLASHING LIGHTS TOO HUH? U LIKE ANIMATINGB FLASHING LIGHT?#U LIKE MAKING THE BLACK N WHITE FLICKER RLY FAST UNTIL UR EYES BLEED OUT UR SKULL?? YEAAAHH YOU DO!!!#im also vry proud o the title cards i made at the beginning teheheheh. dependign on where riptide goes i MIGHT change it#BUT HEY THEORY TIME? I HOPE ONE OF THE GODDESSES COMES DOWN TO PILOT GILLIONS BODY SO THEY CAN BEAT THE FUCK OUT O THE OTHER GODDESS#WHO IS ALSO IN SOMEONE ELSES MORTAL BODY. GODS COMING DOWN TO WREAK HAVOC OVER PETTY DISAGREEMENTS OOOGH HOW FUN!!#GOOD ON YOU CHAMPION!! YOUR VESSEL HAS BEEN TRAINED TO BE STRONG AND HARDY. PERFECT FOR CHANNELING DIVINE ENERGY.#OHHHH WHAT A PERFECT WEAPON YOU ARE. NOW GO AND IMMANENTIZE A WATERY ESCHATON#PARAGON OF OCEANS WRATH I WANT TO SEE YOU DROWN THE LAND. DESTROY!!! EAT!!! BURN!!! RAAAGHH I NEED GILLION TO GET MORE POWER!!!!#ALSO in other news i uh. actually posted this onto twitter forever ago but forgot to post it here bc i can only post it from pc and BABY!!#IM NOT ON THE COMPUTER OFTEN! NOT ANYMORE!! NOT ANYMOREE!!! IM FREE BAYBE!! i used to be so miserable. sometimes i think abt that.#ANYWAY. pls enjoy. just this much took so long. i love makin the lil guys move.... ouh.... hava good day if u get the chance to.
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I don't like any of the maps I've seen for HTTYD so i'm playing a puzzle game w all the locations. This is the 3rd version so far
#httyd#how to train your dragon#httyd map#rtte#race to the edge#mm i already see things i wanna change lmao#the red circle is the are where the Red Death has control#not every dragon in there is under her control but all the dragons of her flock stay there so it's the area where dragon raids happen#i don't believe in the 3rd movie so there's no hidden world but if there WAS i'd put it there hence the ()#also i saw someone saying how funny itd be if hiccup's sarcastic narration of the 1st movie's opening scene was actually the names of place#hence ''freezing to death'' ''hopeless'' and especially ''the meridian of misery''#idk how i feel abt the bewilderbeast under berserker island so instead they're barely located in the red death's territory hence the lack o#raids#and since they're not in war w the dragons n don't get raided they have more people and can actually afford resources and time to things#like fighting other ppl and pillaging like actual vikings#the upper square is the map that berk&berserkers&freezing to death etc use#they're all p concerned w the dragon raids so there's not much energy put to exploring or interacting w Other ppl#n traders rarely go there#they're the weirdos who've settled too close to a dragon nest in the north#n the lower square is the map viggo has and where his Dragon Hunters mainly operate#im thinking of shifting that more to the right to put the rookery where the 'northern markets' currently are#also something that bothers me is that we never rly explore any normal villages#like we've got berk&the berserkers. then we've got uhh 2 dragon-friendly islands the dragon hunters and drago#like who is buying all that dragon product? who are the tribes of the other chieftains in the meeting drago burned down?#where is everyone???
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Genuinely so curious who Mike thinks is gonna be buying The Cage or the new DCTL GN bc with the way he tweets as far as he's concerned, it's not gonna be:
The queer people he has actively admitted he will never show any representation of in the games.
2. The POC he has actively fought against representing in his franchise. [Who he also mocked for thinking they would be represented in his franchise]
3. The Bendy fandom which has always been concerned with topics of diversity esp in the sense of queer people since its creation. Who he has responded to really poorly esp in regards to the GN.
4. The fans who critique him. [He blocked me for doing so lol]
5. His fans in general who he tweets about like this currently. [He's being vague about why people were mad at him or sent him 'nasty messages' because if you actually looked into why you'd see he was in the wrong. Either way, a very hateful way to speak abt ur own fanbase.]
Reminder while Mike is trash talking his fans he has always treated them rather poorly. The fans who won the fanart contest for Chapter 5 never got their posters actually in game due to it being rushed. Not only was chapter 5 a big slap to the face story wise, but it was literally so rushed he couldn't be bothered to add in the art his fans gave him for his game FOR FREE. [Meatly blames this on a crazy timeline, reminder him and Mike are the literal ceos of this company. The proposal of future updates here is also pretty cruel considering Mike nowadays happily admits he corrupted Chapter 5's source code and therefore literally can't update it At All currently. Because he is a moron]
At least they got to be in Boris and the dark survival, and by that I mean that was the Only game they got to be in so far, isn't that just treating your fans like you love them? Shoving their hard work into a spin off game almost nobody has played or addresses much. [Hell, who knows if with the Lone Wolf rebrand they'll even stay there. In which case they'll be in None of the games, only in the credits of BATIM]
6. The Bendy fans who just generally disagree with him on stuff. Like the new ink demon design where there is literally a public poll showing people generally prefer the old one.
7. The Bendy fans who can see he is actively lying to them. To their fucking faces.
He says this has always been the case, but screenshots and links to tweets regarding the books being canon prove it was not. Does he really think bendy fans are stupid or something? [Unless he's admitting here he lied to Kress when he told her the books were canon which sounds worse!]
8. Anyone who doesn't like the idea of giving money to a guy who laid off tons of employees then afterwards thought it was a great idea to express his anti-union views! Also brag about how good of an employer he was, according to his employees, he was not!
So in summary; Mike is an awful person who has not learned anything from the awful things he did. I will not be purchasing The Cage because, combined with this and his absolute refusal to take any kind of critique or see any differing interpretation of his franchise, I have no reason to think my problems with the franchise will ever be addressed or fixed. I probably will pirate The Cage along with any future Bendy Products [Including the movie] and will do my best to avoid giving it any kind of monetary support. Unless this changes any time soon, I can't see myself making anymore positive Bendy posts soon.
Mike has just managed to make it so hard to speak positively or optimistically of this franchise when he's so willing to broadcast how little he cares about it or its fans. I'm at the point where I refuse to pull any of my punches with my problems with it. What's the point of trying to play nice with my critique when either way the people creating it don't care?
So with this post, I want to invite anyone who feels similarly about the franchise to tell me, make a post or send an ask talking about how all of this makes you feel. It may not change how things are, but genuinely seeing other people share my feelings of anger makes me feel better. It feels nice to see when other people share our same concerns and worries. I'd also love to know if anyone else thinks they'll be avoiding purchasing Bendy products over this.
I'm not forcing anyone to participate in it nor trying to say anyone who doesn't supports mike but genuinely maybe if we can collectively decide to boycott things like the movie, graphic novel and The Cage... It might at least make the bendy devs acknowledge how much they have destroyed their own fandom's faith and trust in them.
The way Mike tweets about his actions like he had no control over why people were mad at him at least proves to me he takes NONE of it back nor regrets it. If you didn't know about his actions and only went off his tweets, you would be led to believe Mike has been needlessly picked apart by fans over things he couldn't control [or in his own words, had his words twisted and taken out of context]. That is not how you speak about your actions if you have actually learned better from them.
anyway, that has been my bendy dev callout post. This is an open invitation to anyone feeling similarly upset about the way the franchise is going to talk about it. It's genuinely nice to see how people feel about this and the more we talk about the more it's likely the bendy devs are forced to address our concerns. I don't think they will but hey, that's why I'm not gonna support them with my money anymore nor am I gonna be nice to them in any content I make critiquing Bendy. I mean I'm also basically making this post just in case anyone asks me Why I feel this way towards to bendy devs/as a way to respond to anyone who thinks I am too harsh in my critique in the future.
As always, it seems the best part of Bendy isn't actually anything about canon but about what the fan's are creating with the ideas Bendy failed to do anything interesting with.
Also the books, the books slap.
#batim#batdr#bendy and the ink machine#bendy and the dark revival#ramblez#bendy and the silent city#bendy the cage#for the record another reason Im making this post is bc some of the only good resources to learn abt why the bendy devs suck are some old#very longer videos and this is a very long post but I thought it was important to document the recent shit theyve been doing alongside some#of the worst past things theyve done bc Mike has been trying to misinform people on what happened but those videos are still great resource#if you want more info n such#long post#mike D#for anyone who doesnt wanna hear abt him since he doesnt go by mood anymore#sorry if this is rambley or emotional Im just so sick of these guys fr dskjhgskdfjghskdjhgkjhsd#I miss when I didnt spend my days stressed about the awful shit mike is gonna say next and how I would have to disprove it in a post later#or explain why its bad to have a cast of nothing but cishet white guys n constantly fight back against any push for diversity in said cast#genuinely its just tiring esp when u see other bendy fans give ignorant or very silly defenses/takes on those things#n then u lose a lot of respect for them bc they are speaking on stuff they dont know much abt so confidently and therefore misinforming#people or even encouraging very bad views on stuff like diversity n its importance#Im not saying people like that are bad people but it is stressful n upsetting when u see someone u thought knew better do that sort of thin#it makes it hard to trust them again on other issues bc u now dont trust they know what they r talking abt!!#like please think twice before telling young artists making norman white was a tough and complicated decision it was fucking not the bendy#devs just think all their humans are white by default and dont wanna change that its been proven time n time again thats all it is#and defending them just bc u like a franchise they made is very very bad!! They are not ur friends!! they suck and we seriously need to#stop pretending they dont!! toxic positivity is only gonna make the fandom an absolute nightmare its not gonna make ANYTHING better#it just means people will be forced to PRETEND they never have negative thoughts abt the franchise n therefore make them burned out#just look at other similar fandoms please lets not make those same mistakes!!#sorry can u tell Ive been having just. A time recently#anyways back to making my queer ass bendy fan game full of so much diversity mike will prolly shit when he sees it DKFJGHKSDJHGKJHSD
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they’re getting on my ass to RSVP to the company party in two months and my partner’s not gonna be able to come and I just really really don’t wanna go without them, I have no desire to go to a fancy upper class party all alone with hundreds of people richer than me and older than me who’ve spent their entire lives caring about financial services and care about nothing else but I KNOW if I say I can’t go they’re gonna get on my ass for the next two months about it too cause I’m a newhire and all anyone talks about is this party and how great it is and blah blah blah blah
#unimportant thoughts#ugh#😔😔😔#i wanted to dress up like a costume show off how hot my partner is retire to our hotel room and fuck their brains out#preferrably with company supplied booze#but instead what? im gonna go alone? hang out with the old men in my department snd their wives and listen to speeches about how much money#we made this year and how to chase further market trends?#no.#GOD#times like makes me wish I did have more than one partner so I could still take someone#and also that some of my irl friendships hadnt burned out so I could least take someone :/#I don’t know
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ON THE SUBJECT OF A MARCH 1ST UPDATE LIVESTREAM.
so due to newly-employed circumstances, i most likely won't be able to stream my exploration of the update until the Sunday after it drops - March 3rd, likely around 10 am pst.
im not gonna ask anyone to wait because that's unreasonable and absurd, However! I am curious:
#im asking instead of cancelling it outright#because i know how fun it can be to see someone explore/discover/watch something youve already enjoyed#plus. if i may so bold as to say!#who knows! maybe some of you actually Want to hear me speculate and go bonkers On Mic <3#absolutely unprompted#marked for deletion#welcome home#Why Am I Waiting Until The Third?#it will most likely be my first day off!#i dont wanna explore the update when im exhausted after a 9 hour shift lmfao#and i don't want to explore it in the morning before work when im on a crunch#i want Time! i want Energy! im gonna need all the brainpower i can cobble together!#oh man the upcoming full day of Active Avoidance#i might actually turn off my phone lmfao#bc muscle memory is gonna take me to tumblr & That has burned me so many times...#im not gonna use tumblr im not gonna use discord#im gonna queue up youtube videos so that i dont risk seeing anything on the homepage#babey im Hunkering Down!#i will simply spend my free time after work with myself. crochet. doodle. sit and stare at a wall#sob viciously bc im missing out#its interesting. so much of my life has been Being Late To The Proverbial Party & Missing Out On Experiences.#and by interesting i mean it makes me violent. sigh. but we deal! what else is there to do!
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Maybe I’m okay with it if Hirano never traditionally “loves” Kagi. Or anyone. Maybe it never will turn into the same kind of love Kagi feels. Kagi is nevertheless such a source of inspiration and strength and comfort to Hirano. Even if he never feels a desire to touch or get married or whatever. Maybe he does it because Kagi asks and he loves making Kagi happy most of all. He wouldn’t seek it if not asked. But Kagi is always asking. And he knows it makes Kagi happy. Does anyone see the vision. Do you understand. Maybe kagi will be okay with it if Hirano never “loves” him the same way Kagi loves him. Because he knows how Hirano works and he knows how Hirano cares. And he knows he is unique to Hirano. He knows Hirano wouldn’t do these things with anyone else. And that’s still love in its own way.
#every day I convince myself more and more of aroace-spec Hirano#or maybe the perceived slow-burn is getting to me#it’s like. I kind of keep forgetting that there is still going to be more relationship and character development#but also. At this point in time at least they are so queerplatonic to me#AND it all wraps back around to the theme of different kinds of love#we do not love each other in the same ways. but that’s what makes it special#also a queerplatonic relationship answers all the weird limbo relationship stuff they have goin on in future ssmy chapters#idk. anyways. maybe im crazy#also all comes back to How do you quantify being someone’s most important person#Kagi WILL be the most important person to Kagi. it’s just a question of how that manifests#at this point I can’t imagine it manifesting in Hirano necessarily wanting to touch Kagi or saying things like I love you#it’s simply. laughter and happiness and comfort#they are already old together. do you get it#I never feel like I’m properly able to explain the feelings I have. whatever#surely someone gets it#sunnfish.kghr#Hirano to kagiura#Hirano and kagiura
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"An Hour."
• Masterlist •
Warnings: Hospital settings, aftermath of captivity, mentioned death.
Medic, despite what their job would suggest, wasn't a caregiver. They were just a mechanic working on circuits, not who carefully kept the whole mechanism running. They could fix people, but it was that. Someone would have to take over the aftermath.
Much to Medic's relief, Leader was a caregiver. A good one, even.
Too good, they lately noticed. Too good that it was starting to make Medic worried. But just like every other day, Medic knocked the infirmary door in exactly same time, before opening it fully. Youngest was asleep in the hospital bed - Medic had said Leader that it was unnecessary, but Leader brought one anyway - and at last drops of their IV.
"An hour," Leader muttered. At this point it felt like a ritual. So, without a word, Medic moved and changed Youngest's IV to antibiotics as Leader deserted the room silently. Probably to sleep.
Good, Medic thought. Leader needed it.
Medic made their way to the armchair, only to see Leader's office keys on it. For a moment, they considered giving it back. They respected privacy, but they were also curious. For the last one month and a half, all Leader did was looking for Youngest, caring for Youngest or staying in their office. The first two was understandable, but the third...
Now Medic could learn whatever Leader was doing in their office.
Medic hesitated. They shouldn’t invade Leader’s privacy—Leader had done nothing to earn suspicion, at all. And Leader never broke anyone's boundries, so Medic doing it to them was just wrong. But something had been gnawing at the back of Medic’s mind for weeks now, something beyond the usual worry for Youngest. Leader’s behavior, so single-minded, so intense, felt wrong. So wrong for someone almost obsessed with making the future better. And if there was something in that office that could explain it...
Steeling themselves, Medic turned and walked down the hall to Leader’s office. The key slid into the lock with an ease that almost felt too simple. "Where's Leader?" Medic shouted. Leader's room was wide open and Leader wasn't there.
"Went for a quick walk," Right Hand shouted back.
Medic took a deep breath. "Okay," they muttered. With a simple twist, the door creaked open. Medic slipped inside, shutting it quietly behind them slowly. The room was dim, the only light filtering through the half-drawn blinds, casting long shadows across the walls. At first glance, it looked like any other office—neat, organized, professional. Just like how Leader liked to keep everything. Medic opened the lights.
Notes. Dozens of them, pinned to a board on the wall, scattered across the desk, and even taped to the edges of the bookshelves, almost creating a wallpaper. Most were in Leader’s precise handwriting, detailing locations, names, dates, and other pieces of information that, together, painted a picture out of a detective's office. Medic’s gaze was drawn to a map on the wall, marked with pins and red string connecting various points. They moved closer, recognizing the locations as places where incidents had occurred—break-ins, disappearances, attacks. All related to Youngest.
Their heart pounded as they picked up a file from the desk. It had a picture, the person's face partially obscured, but there was no mistaking who it was. Medic had seen that face around Whumper—one of the underlings of them. The person had been found dead two weeks ago, the cause still under investigation. There were detailed reports about them, autopsies, locations, biographies... informations that Medic doubted Leader had the authority to kno let alone storing.
They set the file down, their hands trembling slightly. Leader had been gathering evidence, but it wasn’t just about finding Youngest. It was about something more.
Another photo on the desk caught their eye. Medic took it, revealing more photos, more notes underneath. Some were crossed out, others highlighted. A list of names—people connected to the kidnapping—each one with a note beside it: confirmed dead, under surveillance, possible lead.
Some of these people were no longer a threat because they were dead. Was it coincidence, or had Leader...?
The sound of footsteps in the hallway snapped Medic out of their thoughts. They hurriedly closed the folder and placed thr picture back on the desk, glancing around to make sure everything was as they’d found it. The door clicked shut just as the office door opened.
Leader stepped inside, looking tired but alert. They froze for a moment, eyes narrowing as they stared in the sight of Medic standing in their office.
“What are you doing here?” Leader’s voice was calm, but there was an edge to it, a warning.
Medic tried to keep their expression neutral, forcing a casual shrug qs if they weren’t digging through the room for the last ten minutes. “You left your keys on the chair. Thought I’d drop them off.”
Leader’s gaze flicked to the keys in Medic’s hand, then back to their face. For a moment, neither of them moved. Then, slowly, Leader crossed the room, taking the keys with a nod.
“Thank you,” they said, their tone polite but distant. “Please wait for my return next time.”
Medic nodded, feeling the tension in the air like a physical weight. They turned to leave, but couldn’t help one last glance at the desk, at the folder now lying innocently on the surface.
Leader didn’t miss the look. “Is there something else?”
“No,” Medic replied quickly, shaking their head. “Just... take care of yourself, okay? You look like you haven’t slept in days.”
Leader’s expression relaxed, a smile so soft and tender taking over. “Don't worry. Byt you should get some rest too.”
How could Medic be suspicious of them when all Leader did was worrying and caring for the team? Shoving the guilt down, they forced a smile and left the office.
-•-
Later that day, Medic was in the break room when the news broke. The television mounted on the wall buzzed with static before the anchor’s voice cut in, somber and urgent.
“We interrupt this program with breaking news. Henchman, a key figure in the recent string of criminal activities linked to the late terrorist Whumper, was found dead earlier this evening. Authorities are investigating, but details remain scarce at this time.”
Medic’s blood ran cold. Henchman—another name on Leader’s list. Dead. Just like the others.
They stood frozen, the room spinning around them. The timeline didn’t add up. Leader couldn’t have done it—they had only left the office for ten minutes, not enough time to cross the city and back. But the coincidences were too many, too pointed.
When Medic next saw Leader, they couldn’t help but study their face, searching for anything. But Leader looked even more drained than the last time, still trying to hold it together desperately. When Medic mentioned the news, Leader’s response was calm, almost indifferent.
“Tragic, but not unexpected,” Leader muttered, shrugging slightly. They weren’t even focused— they looked like they could just collapse and take a twenty four hour nap. “Agency was after them. It was only a matter of time.”
Medic nodded slowly, but the uneasy feeling in their gut only grew. There was something, something that was beyond their understanding. But as Leader walked away, Medic knew one thing for certain— Leader was doing something wrong. It was either their sleeping habits or the team had a huge problem.
-•-
Soo, have another random one. This is standalone, but I wrote this with "A Score to Settle" in my mind. Not quite part two, but I began writing with that intention.
#whump#whump writing#hospital setting#aftermath of captivity#mentioned death#proofreaded but mught have typos#spoiler alert for the next tag >#implied murder#love me some overprotective leaders#have a dialogue that didn’t made into the piece:#“Do you think im capable? i failed. i failed to keep youngest safe.#And now im failing to take care of them. Do you truly believe i have the strength to go after the culprits?#yes i want to see all of them burn for what they did but look at me#all i can do is sit next to youngest and hope that i can lift some weight from their shoulders#because i'm not enough to do anything else#ive been never enough and now im paying for my shortcomings#now if youll be so kind i want to suffer alone#because im not even strong enough to stop myself from snapping at someone who did nothing but worry about me.“#and medic gets kicked out like that. just my brain decided to make a calmer leader so this doesnt fit anywhere#might use later in somewhere but just wanted to post#seriously someone stop me from posting at night or i ramble a lot in notes#anyway#im out#thanks for reading
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collapse with your art
#inspired by the song collapse by drew monson#i was able to force myself out for a walk today#because i love walking in the rain#my agoraphobia has just been so intense#it honestly kind of ruined the walk for me#like its so hard to enjoy where i am and the things around me when i just feel a burning ball of terror in my chest#whenever a car goes by too slowly or if someone stops and gets out near me#im just so scared of other people because i know what theyre capable of#anyways#hope your day is going well#my photography#midwestern gothic#american gothic#dreamcore#liminalcore#liminal space#oddcore#weirdcore#vent#ventcore#liminal photography#nostalgiacore#nostalgic#vintage#midwestern emo#surrealcore#midwest gothic#rural america#film photography#landscape
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adhandr tries to help
#ffxiv#my art#adhandr#dragon twins au again… thinking about them. they can’t turn back and forth on a whim Because It Was A Curse Perpetuated By Nidhogg#but also can’t fully get rid of it ever?it will be there sleeping#and also should NOT be touching that stuff ever again because it’s going to burn through you the exception is the first time and that’s it#But also they’re like. They run on slightly special rules I have in my brain#this is one of the only ways to do it again HFJKDHSGD I don’t think they super want to though. Just a hunch. you wanna become a dragon agai#bite someone#I don’t know I’m TIHINKING im COOKING. im BURNING THE EGGS
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Haah.... If Haruka does something, whether he succeeds or not, Kotoko now knows we/Es knows. I can already hear it "You let this happen. You knew it was gonna happen and yet you didn't do anything to prevent it"
We knew because he promised it to us on his VD, and he confirmed it on that TL conversation. But before Kotoko could only theorize, now she has confirmation on both: that we knew about Haruka's promise and on us being able to listen their conversations.
She knew Es was watching over them, thats how they "got attached" and she already knew that's how they worked, trying to understand them, to get to know them, as to choose if forgive or not forgive. But this showed her that even a quiet and secretive conversation can be heard, even if not to it's totality.
#i wasnt there during his trial but oh boy if anything happens to haruka you're not gonna hear the end of it#i love him with my whole soul and i will actually go mad if anything happens to him#i WILL murder someone if that boy isnt there next trial#my son deserves the world and if you take him away im burning everything to the ground no one is surviving#seari talks#milgram#my son <3#wife <3
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an "everyone loops but its at the same time au" but sif's wish lets everyone remember and they figure out it was a wish in loop one so sif teaches them how to wish properly and they each make a unique wish and now they go through the loops because bon still accientally pushes sif into the tear and sif doesnt find the key so mira volunteers to test if tears work on her and now theyre in dormont AGAIN and isa and odile are agitated at needless risks because what if there's a limit?!? and bonnie may or may not be crying because yeah mira's fine now but it was still scary!!! so dinner that night's not very fun but they still trek up to floor 2 and dont miss the key this time siffrin and when they get the key and get to the crossroads, siffrin chooses wrong to try to make it up to odile and bonnie runs into a tear except they're looping before they even make it because siffrin panicked that bad. so now tension's rising a little higher, theyre back in dormont AGAIN and all the gear they picked up is gone too because it's siffrin's!! goddamn!!! timeloop!!!! BUT at least they can try to beat the king and by some unlucky miracle, they pick the wrong path every!! single!!! try!!! no matter if bonnie or odile or mira or isa chose because of course the last path is the correct one and then!!! they die to the damn king!!!!!! all that progress!!! back to square one!!!!! they're grumpy and tired and this wish made it all happen!!!!!! so maybe a wish can undo it!!!
except the universe doesnt listen to the words of your wish, it listens to your heart. and like it or not, your wish will come true. somehow it will.
#everyone loops au#im just. dumping#wouldnt it be fun to go insane together#wouldnt it be fun to watch everyone fail over and over and over#wouldnt it be fun to know youre stuck because of someone else and you cant help#but blame them for your own anger and stress and tension#wouldnt it be fun to find a family tale yourself#wouldnt it be fun to train alone because you know youll wake up yesterday no matter if you die#wouldnt it be fun to rip those papers to shreds and burn them if they come back anyway#wouldnt it be fun to day dream about stargazing and picnics#WOULDN'T IT BE FUN TO TIME LOOP WITH YOUR FAMILY#sorry went a little insane#teehee#in stars and time#probably ooc but ill like. clean up. tomorrow#wish.txt
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