#im going to be so annoying about the rest of this
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idk if it’s just me but i really don’t understand the byler doubt that’s going on right now 😭 we barely have any info about s5 except for a few behind the scenes photos and people leaking (mostly small) clips that have no context behind them 🖐🏽😔
and i do feel like it’s strange to assume that just because mike and el (might) breakup means they won’t talk/be friends anymore because they clearly do care about each other
this turned into a rant but i’m just annoyed because a lot of the “main” stranger things fan/update accounts just hate byler or will so they just ignore anything related to it 😕
not sure what i’ve posted that this is in reference to but i agree
honestly most of the byler doubt i have is related to the show, anything that’s come out about season 5 has mostly reinforced byler for me haha. if i’ve being honest im excited by the fact that it seems like mike and el are going to have some kind of one on one scene because that’s more indicative of a mileven breakup to me and i think their relationship needs to be addressed head on by both of them for the sake of both character’s arcs whether they breakup or not. if mileven is endgame (which tbh i don’t think it will be but im playing devils advocate) then some serious communication and development needs to occur for me to buy it after the shitshow that was season 4 for them. i think showing them have a healthy platonic relationship after a breakup would be very productive and make sense for both characters as well. they definitely care about each other and a lot of bylers overlook that they are shown to have a special bond separate from the rest of the party in season 1 that they should still have even if it’s platonic.
i also think a lot of main update accounts/the reddit actively dislike will and ignore byler but them not talking about byler isn’t necessarily displaying that…honestly there haven’t been many updates related to byler at all. which imo no news is good news because if byler is canon the duffers want to keep it as under wraps as possible. the ignoring of them just screams homophobia to me because they are probably the second biggest ship among fans and they have undeniable roots in canon in every season imo.
idk i don’t understand the byler doubt around the season 5 stuff we’ve gotten but i *do* understand doubting it in general. however i firmly believe they’ve planted the seeds for their relationship and i think that’s the direction season 5 will go (esp with will being a main character and supposedly having a happy ending) and i trust the duffers!
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Wont Bite…
First fanfic…hope you guys like it…
Arisu x Male! Reader
[Name] and Arisu weren’t always on the same side on things, sometimes the both of you would end up in situations where both of you would disagree on something and it would lead to an argument. But this time, thankfully, was different. [Name], Usagi, and Arisu decided to enter a game together, a Clubs game to be exact. (not really a good idea since Yknow.. you guys could’ve entered a hearts game without knowing..)
Lucky for you three, the game task was simple, figure out a way to escape the escape room you just entered. The trio only had an hour to figure out how to escape the room.
[Name] sighed before you leaned on the wall, “Seriously? An escape room?” [Name] said with an annoyed tone, his visa only got one day since the last game he played so it was obvious that he needed a break from everything.
“Its fine, im sure we can figure it out..” Usagi said as she moved, looking around the room along with Arisu behind her. “Find anything?..” He asks before Usagi gets up from her crouching spot “Nope..”
[Name] got off the wall and walked towards the opposite side of the room, [Name] saw a little table and walked towards it. He grabs something from the table before finding a control. “What the?..” Before anyone else can say something, [Name] presses a button and the door opens, leading towards another room.
“Room 1, complete.” The robot of the game says before the trio walks into the next room. “Another room..” [Name] says, sighing before you, Arisu, and Usagi look around.
30 minutes remaining
The game instructor says, it doesn’t take long for the trio to figure out the solution for the next room.
20 minutes pass by quickly and the team beats the game. You guys walk out of the place and decide to take a rest before you head back to the beach, so you guys set down a tent from a store you saw and decided to take. Usagi already had her own and set it down.
“Im not sharing mine.” She says sternly, [Name] groaned and sighed ”Please Usagi, I dont wanna share a tent with this Idiot..” “Dont call me an Idiot when you barely did anything back at the game!” [Name] and Arisu argue, bickering back and forth before Usagi gets annoyed
“Shut up! Its final, im not sharing my tent” She says before she turns and walks toward her tent and enters it, leaving you and Arisu alone.
A few minutes go by before [Name] and Arisu finally accept the fact none of you can sleep outside since its too cold, you both lay down in the tent, your shoulders touching.
Awkward silence fills the tent before Arisu speaks up, “I wont bite, by the way..” He says, breaking the silence.
[Name] swallowed hardly, his Addams apple bobbing, he doesn’t like getting close to him because of his growing feelings for him. “I know..”
SOO THATS IT UHM PLEASE TELL ME ABOUT ANY MISTAKES IVE MADE OR THINGS LIKE THATT
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I absolutely LOVED the paralleled late night conversations Joel and Ellie had this episode. Not just because the verbatim framing, but just based off the way it underlined how their domesticity and connection had cultivated even further. In the forest, Ellie attempted treating Joel to a corny pun from her joke book. And he was mildly receptive to the joke and moderately indulged himself to actually answer it (man knows his dad jokes), but this was only momentarily turning over a new leaf. He was also quick to pivot away and brush off any further interaction for the night. And yet, much to his chagrin… he cracked a smile. He felt REAL, genuine amusement! Obscured from Ellie, mind you, but the smile melted away his otherwise cool and deadpan makeup he’d wear. By the tail end of the episode, when she told him another joke… he laughed. He laughed. The hex of humor tore down a barrier of Joel Miller, and he finally allowed himself to savor the value of it. The two of them giggled and cackled the night away as they enjoyed this sweet, sentimental, corny moment that demonstrated just how far their bond had pushed the envelope in an otherwise dire situation. They are bonding. I’m here for it
#The simplest of things like a dumb joke can mean so much :)#Joel and Ellie laughing added 10 years to my life span#I don’t think I’ve felt this rejuvenated in my entire life#GOD JUST SHDHDHSJSHSJS THEMMM!!!!!#THEM THIS EPISODE!!!!!!!!#im going to be so annoying about the rest of this#the last of us#the last of us hbo#the last of us hbo spoilers#tlou spoilers#joel miller#ellie williams#pedro pascal#bella ramsey
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I have a confession. I do not care for the soc boys. I'm sure they have very interesting character traits and lore the actors and fandom have come up with and that is so fun and great and I know none of it and I am perfectly content with that. Shout out to all my mutuals who love the soc boys I hope you are having fun with your Ken dolls but I will not be joining you. keep slaying.
#not saying i hate them i just cant get my brain to like them the same way i do all the greasers and the soc girls#excluding bev for some reason melody ily bev ily but i dont latch onto her the same way i do cherry and marcia 😔😔😔😔#shout out to all my soc boy mutuals i hope you are having so much fun#the closest i will ever get to caring for the soc boys is randy#man was an asshole tried to kill a kid saw his best friend die went fuck all of this dumped his girlfriend left town and became a hippie#shit start great ending good job randy 👍#this is also why i havent gotten into parry#i love the gays i promise but i did not latch onto paul the way the rest of the fandom did 😔😔#i totally get it i see where yallre coming from i understand#its my ship-in-law ill support parry truthers 4ever#but im a dar-bit truther for life#yes i am also a mar-bit truther#and an aroace darry truther#i win no matter what#but anyways#i am not part of the community i am an ally ✊️✊️✊️#its also fun cuz since i know jack shit i never get annoyed at mischaracterization because i dont know what the correct characterization is#i can see anything about them and go 'yeah sure'#and it could be so out of character#and ill never know#i stay winning#anyways love yall 🫶#although i do think a reason i havent latched onto bev is because i never see anyone talking about her#if you love bev please tell me about her i want to know everything#the outsiders#the outsiders musical#two-bit talks
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OH. okay so normally i dont touch discourse with a 20 ft pole, but this has been niggling at my brain tonight and i finally realized why
the people who are mad at qbbh for the memory loss and “dodging consequences” dont understand that he doesnt want to dodge consequences. Like they cant know that, they werent focused on him when he was literally feeding himself to the soul vultures and planning his eventual imprisonment and also. The Many Many Many hints he made towards suicide/sacrifice/Just Fucking Dying.
ccbbh is a subtle roleplayer, he’s been building this shit up for two whole months- it was day FIVE of the eggs going missing that he resolved to do whatever it took (hurting his friends) to get the eggs back. It was day three that he followed in dapper’s footsteps and started feeding himself to the soul vultures (and gaining a Massive headwound beneath his hood in the process- you can only see it if you go on namemc and remove the layers). He’s got impaired judgement. Even the memory issues arent a new thing- i cant remember exactly when they started, but one of the first big moments i remmeber was september 30th where he spent an hour falling into a delusional frenzy searching his base for cameras that he forgot he asked aypierre to plant.
The super murder of purgatory and the memory loss afterwards probably all feels very sudden for people who havent been following his story, but as someone who has been- all of this has been true to character. The only cheap swings he’s made have been combat-based in purgatory, and even the motive for those was built up in rp.
People are calling for consequences, but he has alrwady been experiencing self-inflicted consequences for months. The blue on his usual outfit is blood. This recent memory loss isnt a restart to get away with the atrocities - it is yet another consequence of his egg-protecting complexes and the ways he punishes himself for failing them.
he is NOT a moral character. he’s a demon hiding in plain site. he has eaten people. he has killed people. he understands the cruelty of his actions, and the consequences of them for the loved ones of his victims. but it matters when that harm is being done to his loved ones. he’ll still do it, because he will do anything for the eggs, but it matters, and that means that he has already started the process of self-inflicting those much-demanded consequences
#anyone who isnt a qbbh makn please extend some sympathy for us. our guy is being misunderstood again#so if people seem twitchier than usual that probbaly plays a factor#but if it ever gets annoying be rest assured he is doing his very best to train us in media literacy#and also the block and filter buttons are your friends#and qbbh mains join me in the genuinely freeing revelation that they have just. strawmanned him yet again#i feel like youve gotta be able to understand a character to truly hate them#and no one (not even us oh my fucking god) really understand him#and thus the vitrol means nothing and i am free of all woes#anyway tho genuinely if you want to know more about this cube im willing to talk about him#i have Credentials#one of my posts was dono’d to the cc almost word for word and he called me a know it all#qsmp#qsmp badboyhalo#discourse#<- mentioned#an interestinf discussion could be had too about xyz character Deserving xyz thing#and really people in general Deserving xyz thing#but i think that is a wasp nest i dont know enough about to join swatting#i ngeed. to go to bed
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"Him? Oh, you know, he's kind of a loser." - probably everyone except for his younger brother.
Germaine is based on the layer of hell (Dante's Inferno) for material wealth before self, others, and god. So basically very materialistic and possessive of his belongings. Unfortunately, his younger brother qualifies as a belonging in his mind. So he does his absolute best to keep his brother safe and sound and scratch free - which is a bit tough in a post apocalyptic setting but he mostly manages.
Also a fact I just like to mention: he is incapable of lying.
#my characters#germaine wellington#welp guess who watched an anime recently (its not complete) and the dad of the mc made em think of a loserman big brother oc#its me! correct! the dad just reminded me a bit of germaine and i blame appearances mostly but also the dad was kind of a loser (i love him#and germaine does practically raise tremaine which further messes up their absolutely awful codependency#like yeah both brothers would kill for many reasons (survival and resources mainly) but !#if tremaine lost germaine hed probably cry and become incapable of moving on and eventually just dying w no reason to live#but if germaine lost tremaine hed go insane cause no no no thats HIS brother and hed start blaming everyone#and lose all rationale and logic while hes actually one of the most logic based in the group#hes a loser but dont let him lose things or he loses it more#but when hes really mad at tremaine for whatever reason his best friend is like uh huh what are you gonna do about it#and germaine is like........... we both know i will sigh and accept it and probably pat him on the head next i see him#which is incredibly honest and exactly what he does because yeah hes mad but even mad he cannot say#im gonna slap some sense into him because thats a lie he wouldn't hurt his brother#everyone in their group knows he cant lie so when he gets hesitant after being asked something they just know#hes trying to plot the best way to skirt the answer bc its apparently Not Good#he looks angry and annoyed often but its just resting bitch face#he lights up when he sees tremaine and he lightens up a little with his best friend#like lil smiles for his bestie and brother but when talking ABOUT his brother? he lights up and beams because hes so proud#of the coolest and smartest thing in his life (his brother)
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i just love how objectively irrational & melodramatic bt puck is. he is downright unreasonable in all the worst ways possible.
everything he does is based on his current whims, but he believes he has a strict moral code that he doesn't budge on. (this is just blatantly incorrect, not that he would know that...) he bases all of his decisions purely on his emotions then justifies them by simply insisting they are what god (*ahem* himself) wants. bhaal did not fucking say that, girl. that was just you.
like he should not be in charge of anything at all ; he is not fit to be in control whatsoever. he's the most inconsistent man alive. yet somehow he is the pope for murderers.
he is so dangerous & fucking stupid but he's also very powerful & charming (in the bizarrest way possible...) & also daddy's specialest most favorite spawn so he can do whatever he wants forever. and everyone just has to let him or they die in unsettling, horrible ways.
but also he is so niceys. & very polite. somehow. just trust me. what the fuck.
#to summarize: He Is A Brat#and a nepo baby#hes so annoying#GODDDD HES SO ANNOYINGFDJGHF#WHO CAME UP WITH THIS GUY#any smarts he has all go in to battle strategy and im so serious about that#the iago got the rest of the brains#&&. OUT OF BONES!☠ 𝐎𝐎𝐂。#&&. COW!PIG!HUMAN!WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE?☠ 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒。
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Having to micromanage your entire physical battery day in and day out is so exhausting, especially when your ability fluctuates without rhyme or reason with every single day. I'm starting to have to reframe how I view and tackle my task lists because otherwise the grief and frustration becomes so much that I get nothing done. I'd love to complete the entire list today, but I'm gonna have to limit myself to ticking off two tasks just so I don't burn myself out to the point of being unable to do anything later...
#and even then thats no guarantee since i could feel super sick later without warning#OR maybe i feel superdupergood and can do them all no problem and THEN some#but then i also have to prepare for being bedridden after if i dont keep track of how much energy i burn#the event horizon of which ALSO changes daily lmfao#meanwhile people assume youre lucky or even privileged for this#as if being homebound for your safetys sake and spending most of the time being unable to really do anything#is anything worth envying. people assume youre resting when frankly youre just keeping your face above the water#i dont have a choice either. i gave up all my dreams and ambitions just for the sake of trying to survive for once#i WANT to have a life i WANT to have the power to be independent and not be at the mercy of others until the day i die#god sorry URGH its so hard to not feel sad and hopeless and almost bitter about this sometimes#its so hard not to feel alienated and embarrassed by the fact that you practically live in a different reality to people#people whose lives revolve around careers and working to the point where they cant comprehend you as a disabled individual#and what that means beyond the assumption that being chronically ill and overall impaired is a choice and moral failire#whether or not people are aware of that baseline assumption concretely#and i feel stupid and annoying for whining about this when i have so much to be grateful for#just. guhhhhhhhhh idfk. i SHOULD get started here but i can barely move out of bed#exhaustion is killing me i miss going on daily walks my house feels like a prison#i need to stop moping im already spiralling lmfao#trying not to close my eyes lest i pass out yet again despite having gotten more than 12 hours of sleep#cause apparently to my stupid body thats not enough to even stand up#silvi talks
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...
#finished mid season#and its like#they really are pairing off everyone huh#bUT LIKE OK#fIRESKY????#im still like#suprised how wholesomely sweet they are#ryan and karina are also very good?#he took her to go see her friends....he apologized....he called her the best hero.....whu...hime......#the other ones tho.....hmmmm....#like i guess bison origami is ok#the shirtless scene did a LOT of the heavy lifting#kid kat is cute but also makes me feel like im watching tiny tots or something#black and white tho.....#i.....i dont care 😔#its like if tiger and bunny where more annoying and had NO sauce#i think they have some fun moments with the rest of the cast but#i think because they didnt get a proper intro focus theyre misisng build up#ryan got the movie and its fun watching him switch partners and also interact with barnaby without the tnb break up#hmmmm idk#tiger if he didnt have emotional intelligence and bunny if he didnt have his stage persona#also like#in the end t&b 2.0 have to have to same character arch beats#black has to take a hit for white to trust him#white has to have a moment where he loses hope and get proven wrong#blah blah blaj#whatever small moments they have reconciling and getting along wILL NEVER BE mid season 1 dinner party where bunny keeps glancing at tiger#and follows him outside so they can talk about their dreams under the stars and street lights#and bunny gives tiger a smile when he finds out what tigers biggest wish is......#😑 anyways i need to draw barnaby in love again excuse me
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hi ♡ giving a little old school wip tumblr teaseeee of a new set i have planned for the end of this month :):) hope everyone is doing well on here! i really need to check in more often..
#wip#some earrings..#necklace??#RINGS!!!!!!!!!#nAiLs!!!11!!1!!1!!??1!?#literally everything and more!#i have so many fun things planned for the rest of the summer#i really am going to start checking in on here more often ♥#i've been kind of trying to figure out how to structure things when it comes to posting on here..#and i think i finally feel like i am about to have a good schedule#so#all of that to say..#i am now going to be 10561 times more annoying on here :)#yall are gonna block me like fr#i wouldn't blame you lol#ok#im going now bye#if you made it to the end of this..#i'm so proud of you 🥹#also kinda concerned...#like#bye#ily#♥
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rage is a ✨way of life✨
#found out that i successfully angered someone by not showing up to work on saturday lmaoooooo#and im just like… gOOOOOOD. BE MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!#mans has no room to be mad anyway. it’s his fault i had to ot for 7 hours to cover his work for him in the first place soooooooo#a nd he’s getting demoted next year and im ahauxucjsjjsjsjsjxjdhss#in other news im kinda annoyed by my mother’s (unfortunate) pressuring of me to go to the upcoming family christmas gathering :(#like no way manssssss i haven’t seen the extended fam since my grandma’s funeral and i’d like to keep it that way thanks~~~~~~~~#and a c h r i s t m a s gathering of all places… m a n. im half expecting them to drag everyone to church to end off the gathering…#i wouldn’t put it past the hosting aunt to do that ngl. she had tricked me into attending a church service in the past and all…#like. man. there’s this local mall that has a similar name to said church service…#so ofc it’s normal to assume that said mall is what she was referring to when she said ‘let’s go to [insert name]!’ with no context right???#and uggshdhdjjsjsjdjs i don’t wanna be introduced to my cousins’ kids as ‘auntie [insert nickname i hate]’ bc that’s lame#and m a n. i definitely don’t wanna interact with my cousins’ kids. i either don’t know or can’t pronounce (or both) their names#i only remember the oldest one’s name (bc he has a stereotypical frat boy name) and the one who’s named after a ninja turtle#but none of the rest. i think some of them have names from my cousins’ spouses’ home countries? dk about the others though#i’m 80% sure one of the girls was named something like ‘triceratops’ but that doesn’t seem right…#being named after a dinosaur sounds cool though… or any prehistoric creature really#if i could choose my own name i’d like it to be ‘coelacanth’#just so i can say ‘i coelacan’t do it!!!!!’ if someone asked me to do something i don’t wanna do. the pun potentials are endless mans#huh. wow… i started this off with a mad coworker and ended it by turning into a coelacanth… how did we get here anyway…?#oh wells no one reads the tags anyway uehxudjdjdjsjsjss my secrets are ✨safe✨
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HATE being asked to do things omg nooo now i’m pissed off !!
#fine i will make dinner but only because you made me feel like i have no choice so im also gonna be annoyed the rest of the night#nooooo don’t ask me to clean up as i go now im gonna be even more pissed off about the whole situation!!!!#let me do what i want forever please
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Yaoi has poisoned all of your fucking brains !!
#Yakuza HATEblog#i dont want to hear about the new yakuza trailer where kiryu proposed to soemone he wouldnnever do that thats so scary#also they refered to sayama as the cop lady like please show some respect to her she didnt be annoying for you to forget her#ive become homophobic now because i hated seeing a particular post so much like that will never happen you are crazy#like no this isnt how kzmj can win they have never even once considered a future together because kiryus foreplanning ended when he lost#his brother and majima has spent half her life waiting for saejima to come back like they have more important things to worry about#and kiryu is not able to share his kids with anybody he cant simultaneously raise haruka with someone he has to either be a single dad or an#absent dad no in between and sometimes haruka is left parentless in the middle of that mess but its not kiryus problem hes driving cars amd#beating people up .... well he does care sorry for insinuating he doesnt ... he thinks about his kids every day#but i guarantee you he does not think about majima every day i swear it to you he does not care about her that much !!! i have to forever#stress this doesnt mean that he hates majima but it simply means that shes not his priority AND SHE WILL NEVER BE !!! kiryu will never#risk it all just for a suckle on that majiwilly like he doesnt like her that much ... if kiryu didnt even give majima so much as a phonecall#when he was ignoring her the entirety of y3 AFTER tossing her back to the wolves just so he can play house at okinawa.. hes not going to#suddenly realise that he wants to spend the rest of his life with majima hes going to be pondering how miserable he is while beating the#fuck out of people because sorry i didnt actually pay attention to the gaiden stuff is kiryu a hitman now or some sort of mercenary either#way its so hot that hes paralleled by y0 majima because hes so depressed and wants to kill himself and forced to wear a nice suit and do#things he doesnt want to while being kept on a tight leash like hohooho ... have sex with me ...!!!#im going to kill him myself to put him out of his misery if i have to ... just let kiryu run off to america and join the cia im kidding but#wait i just thought of him actually running off and sayama pulling some strings in the force to keep people from looking for him because#shes like a bigshot cop now ... i think she should be able to cradle him gently and keep him like a show cat#a shivering wet penis in the rain and she takes him in and gives him a loving home ... i feel a little embarrassed talking about hetships#but the concept of kiryu just being in her house and living with her is making me laugh like wow ... hes straight now.... like obviously hes#still not going to be like lets get married 🥰 but sayama would want to... i believe that she could forge their documents so kiryu isnt an#illegal immigrant anymore and she gives him an american name so john yakuza can become real ... its like a fake dating au but they really#arent dating theyre just having sex and acting out scenes from a kdrama but eventually kiryu will have to go back because hes so sad#without his kids and he needs to see them one last time to pass away peacefully. sorry i just remembered how much older kiryu was than#sayama like thats a bit funny ... like i still think kiryu should be into older guys or girls but like we cant always have that happen#like how majimas options for getting fucked by creepy old guys are getting lesser year by year because those old geezers keep dying and hes#old now too ... like theyre so old thats fucked. i know ive been saying how kzmj can never win but i do think majima should breastfeed kiryu
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with the arcarum event re-running in less than 24 hours i'll be able to grind out both their levels with the 600% exp (and i've got the merit to get niyon to 130 as well). (i dealt with finally doing the 120 uncap on niyon a few days ago bc the only thing that was stopping me from doing it was being annoyed by the 300 urns. i literally had all the other mats, but when i finally pushed myself to get the rest of the mats for katz 5* i ended up with the 100 extra urn i needed bc i had to farm dragon drops lol) ALSO I AM FINALLY FREE AGAIN. NO FATE EPISODES TO TORMENT ME
#sammy liveblogs about granblue#i thought you know what the mats aren't actually that bad for the 150 uncap and they gave us a free lapis merit so i might as well#im not transcending my do weapon any time soon so that'll be a future me problem... way in the future#so the one lapis merit i have will go to niyon but after i get one more sunlightstone for 250 lucifer i'll save for another merit#so i can work on 150 tien bc that balance update a while back actually made me want to do it#the most annoying part is going to be the rest of the huanglong anima for the 140#i need to actually do my hosts
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demand avoidance is so stupid. what do you mean I'm not going to do the thing I wanted to anymore just bc someone else wants me to......
#this is about true detective ive wanted to watch it for ages but my flatmate started it recently + recommended it + even shared the files#and i DO want to watch it. and i was going to but now ive found out our other friend really likes it (presumably why she got into it)#and another mutual friend said hes a fan so the 'expectation' that my mind has now invented means im not going to anymore 👍#ugh i mean i will. eventually. but its going to involve some pointless mental acrobatics to trick myself into getting around pda#this doesnt ALWAYS happen with recommendations but probably 80% of the time it does. usually if i leave it long enough it wears off..#sorry if youve ever recced smth to me i promise its on a list somewhere and i trust ur taste. im just weird and neurotic#give me a few months or years......#also a bit annoyed now bc the other day my roommate apologised for rarely ever accepting my recommendations. and thats ok i dont mind#like i can be weird abt it too sometimes + i never expect anyone to start smth i rec. i just think they might like it innit#but the fact she brought it up and apologised made me realise that actually she does take recs from other friends a lot..#one of them in particular and thats cool but damn okay. i see how it is.... im half joking i mean she can do what she wants forever#and i get theyre closer friends so it makes sense. but i guess it just feels like a kind of judgement of me in a way. hmm anyway#whats new there innit. ahh well im gonna play elden ring so i dont ruminate the rest of this afternoon#.diaries
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Actually cry so goddamn hard when I think about Shinjiro Aragaki healing and being loved and having to learn to be okay with himself and being taken care of
#writing him has just been like. OOOOWOEOEOEOOE i piss tears i cant handle this shit this gay ass shit#i came up with an idea for just like a cute short one shot i wanna do soon and hnnnghh im so emo about it#very healing its like very hard to write some of the shit im gonna be writing cuz basically#some of it is just a little too real man and while i crave the angst and the drama i am just like#AND THEN EVERYONE HOLDS HANDS AND ITS OKAY PLEASE DONT CRY PLEASE#and ive mentioned how shinji has accidentally become nb to me now because i just kinda happened to write him that way without meaning to#and now another thing im noticing is that in my fic hes kinda bpd coded#it definitely wasnt intentional but now im accepting it as truth no one can stop me#i just really need him to be happy its more important to me than anything else man i need it for me#and he needs to be gay with aki they need to kissy and i think its funny cuz even in the parts where shinji is mad at aki and pushing him#away its like. he kinda has it bad lol and its clear he feels no actual hatred towards aki but more just self deprecation because he doesnt#feel good enough and like idk i just think about their respective roles in society like#aki is an honor student star boxer hero very attractive very kind very popular got adopted by a rich family#hes going places you know meanwhile shinji is a drop out who never had a family ever hes homeless hes sketchy hes on drugs#his reputation couldnt be any worse and he just leans into it and feels he has no future and hes worthless garbage#and aki could literally have anyone he wants you know he has an army of girls pining over him but he doesnt want them#HE WANTS SHINJI AND NO ONE ELSE HE SPENDS YEARS CHASING AFTER HIM#and shinji HATES it hes trying so hard to push him away and be the crusty delinquent and make aki see how worthless he really is#but aki just doesnt stop he loves him so much makes me sick SICK#and shinji really loves him back hes like not gonna shut up ever about aki hes like either doing it in a gay ass annoyed way#or hes like ‘haha omg aki is so cute though hes always trying so hard to be tough but hes just so sweet and gentle you know i hope he#doesnt push himself too hard if he got hurt id fall apart hes so silly i hope hes eating good i desire him carnally’#yeah sorry gamers this is just a pairing i cant be normal about they mean so much to me personally the fate of the world rests upon them
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