#im going insane though
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please tell me someone understands what I mean with this
#Shota Tsurumaki#hidetoshi odagiri#toshiro kasukabe#caligula effect 2#do people still talk about the caligula effect#I only recently got into it im not even done#im going insane though#none of my friends know anything about it
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im studying them like little bugs
#im so rrazy about st tos rn it's driving me insane#star trek#star trek tos#spock#leonard mccoy#leonard bones mccoy#can you guess who my favorites are. im going t#though i can't really sketch them out without refs still so umm studies ummmm.#when bones 👁️👁️#i shouldn't be so hyped up about photo studies#it's so hard to draw these days man#it's crazy how cartoony the whole cast of star trek looks. yall look easy to draw#why is the quality so shit wtf!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im killing
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I'm back on my bullshit I guess
that redraw I was talking about.. previous versions under the cut
I like how it's less stiff now
#murl drawing ruikasa again ?!?!?!?!?#probably not gonna draw that much of them again even if the hyperfix is coming back though#my brain is way more focused on other things this time </3#going back to my roots is fun ngl#this was the first ruikasa fanart ive done...... insane..#pjsk#prsk#project sekai#colorful stage#pjsk fanart#rui kamishiro#tsukasa tenma#pjsk tsukasa#pjsk rui#wonderland x showtime#wxs#ruikasa#murl draws#im lowkey proud of myself honestly#anyways. wanted to do this because i kinda hated the last one#people who initially followed me for rks you may celebrate /silly
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my piece for @thecodywanzine! thanks to the mods who let me go completely ham and cheese on this bad boy. this one's about living longer than you ever expected and not knowing what to do with it
#they're having a leftover sale with free shipping if you want a ridiculous amount of art and merch for an insanely low price#codywan#commander cody#obi-wan kenobi#star wars#comics#codywan zine#i went kinda nuts with the sun symbolism on this one. even i feel like its hamfisted but like listen am i not going to self-indulge#if not in a shipping zine piece then where#hope and love and the sun and etc can be an. omelette. spanish omelette specifically. that you share with your fambly#food cw#its also about looking at your best friend over a table and going. i lvoe you. i love you. i want to spend the rest of my life with you#i want to see the future with you. im so glad we're both alive even though i thought we'd both be dead by now#bytebun draws#lets not talk about the way there is zero consistency in my art style. <3
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hands you a collection of miserable wet droopy ears batman
justice league of america vol. 1, 17, "the triumph of the tornado tyrant!" 1963, script gardner fox, pencils mike sekowsky, inks bernie sachs
#bruce wayne#he got caught in acid rain which melted his lil ears :( but when things are looking up they do go right back to pointing upright so.#i choose to believe they are linked to emotions#this issue's plot was batshit insane. im pretty inured to silver age nonsense but this was incomprehensible#cute art though :)
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some business to take care of
#i was tempted to caption this as she was a skater boy and she was also another skater boy but#duck scribbles#midoyuzu#enstars#whats up guys im being embarrassing again on main#been wanting a new phone wallpaper and this was born. its the lesbian version though im not showing that#midori takamine#yuzuru fushimi#yuzumido#ensemble stars#also have additional doodles that r kind of corny and im too ashamed to add into the main post so i might add on a reblog or maybe not#midterms were so awful i had to keep reminding myself i can go ham drawing whatever i want once im done. and naturally its this#anyways ive always liked midos city rider fit it suits her so well#always wanted to find a good one to pair w it and the wink killer 2nd half xscout was toooo good i was inspired immediately#finally could use this good ref pic ive had saved since forever i need to draw backgrounds more too it was rather fun somehow#mental state has been yoyoing an insane degree lately like come on i dont need to be reminded i am a useless hunk of meat every other day#with nothing good going for them. college is amazing at reminding me of such god bless#i have bad tendencies to self isolate behind the excuse of concentrating that i am trying to fix . but its hard to get back when i do#not to mention the entire Big Event happening over in good ol amerika serikat!!! my apathy is naturally immense#but whats some peace of mind here and there idk. im gonna read yuri
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SUA LORE (I'm going to die one of these days fuck)
When Sua was younger, among all the sisters she had grown up with, she had one older sister, but seemingly, unlike their other sisters, that woman didn't treat Sua with hostility, in fact, she looked like she doted on Sua and looked out for her.
Translation (Creds to: @/greenbean1467 on yt in the comments section):
1/2 ?: You should take care of your hair. (Woah, careful) ?: So immature… 2/2 ?: Alright, it can’t be helped. Sua has to be punished! Tickle tickle! [ At that time, you were my only person, and for that reason, you also made me afraid. ]
"You were my only person, and for that reason, you also made me afraid" Is just...All her life, Sua had been an isolated individual, by choice, and because she had been shunned by her family, avoided due to her cold nature, and during those times she's only had two people to who she could really show herself too, this woman and Mizi, this woman being the only person Sua had in her life I can only imagine how afraid Sua was of losing her sister, and just how much her sister terrified her at times.
1/2 SUA: Mhm, so mother said, it’ll be time to leave after ten more nights. And mother seems happy, and I too… SUA: And that pink-haired kid could be there too, so… ?: Didn’t I tell you it’s uncouth to wiggle your toes like that? 2/2 SUA: Oh… I won’t then. ?: Ugh, so cute! ?: But you know, big sis is worried. ?: Worried that our immature little Sua could just up and die in that hellish place.
This woman and Sua look to be close; they are affectionate, and Sua almost seems to look up to this woman as if a sister figure, but the detail here I'm interested in is how worried this woman is about Sua and her remarks about Sua, she cares about Sua. Still, it shows that she looks down on Sua to some degree, whether this be in a teasing tone or not, I'm unsure. But there's an obvious obsessive fixation on Sua's innocence. And even in this relationship, cruelty was reinforced as a means to an end.
1/2 ?: You’re already so stupid, what if you just up and die in that place? ?: You poor thing, Sua. [They say that corpses fall from the sky in that place. When a weak kid like Sua just up and dies, They burn those kids in a hot, hot fire, And then they open the sky lid to sprinkle them over the living kids Like snow raining down. ] 2/3 ?: Even if it's not, I'm not smart, but I've gone so far ?: Pick--If you die. What should I do? ?: It's so cute Sua.
Growing up under the same guardian, Nigeh, who valued quality and beauty in her pets, it becomes obvious why Sua's sister was criticizing her appearance. She'd grown up hearing the same criticisms from the harsh and cold Nigeh who didn't care for their pets beyond their value, and what all they could bring to the plate, I could imagine just what kinds of things Nigeh would say to a pet human with "abnormalities".
Sua, however, was the perfect pet human, she was pretty, obedient, and acted obediently for Nigeh as a manicured doll to meet their expectations. She was attached to Nigeh like a daughter to a mother, looking to their validation to feel as if she was more valuable than she truly was even though the love wasn't reciprocated. For these reasons, she was treated differently from her other sisters, of course, there would be a level of envy and projection from Sua's sister.
Sua's sister is shown to be anxious about Sua, she seems to have been attached to her in the way a hurt child needs a security blanket to rest at night, Sua is so childish, naive, and stupid, it is reassuring to her sister to have someone to care for, as if there was still hope in this world, so without Sua, her sister's worries wouldn't be soothed, her sister was so scared that she even threatened Sua with fear, expressing how frightening and horrific this environment would be (Like, "Pick, if you die" I read it as "If I lose you, what should I do?)
In this way, Sua seems to parallel mirror woman because Sua had this same dependency on Mizi, again, in the way a hurt, lonely, scared child needs a security blanket to rest at night, Sua wanted Mizi to remain naive and stupid, willingly kept her in the dark so that Sua could feel a sense of peace and security through her, her sister was the same way with Sua, she wanted to keep Sua from the hell she would be subjected to very, very soon, but in the end, telling Sua ugly truths, about the snow, and all, had to have been fueled by bitter feelings, to rid Sua of that type of innocence, could have been any kind of love, perhaps in a twisted way she wanted to protect Sua.
She obviously had to have been mentally unstable (understandably) to say these kinds of things to a child, no less, the way she stares at Sua like she's desperate and broken, really, it's not loving, it's just desperate and cruel. Really, the fact that Alien stage can bring a person to this kind of insanity is a horrifying concept. Still, I believe she was trying to teach a lesson to Sua at this time in her life when she was growing up, making attachments and being susceptible to impressions, it was purposely harsh to frighten her, to project her fears onto Sua, and those words from her sister stuck with Sua for the rest of her life.
From that day on, all Sua could think about was death, all she could do was worry and worry until she met Mizi again.
Meeting Mizi, in all her optimism and bright smiles, was like a healing balm on Sua's wounds, or in other words, her "Cure" .
1/2 SUA: Big sister, your words then made me, as young as I was, all the more afraid. I imagined “just up and dying” so many times, even more than before… 2/2 SUA: But if I meet you again, I want to tell you this. That you were wrong. The one to be pitied was probably you.
1/2 SUA: If this is hell… 2/2 MIZI: Found you! You're that snow doll!
Interestingly enough, Mizi calling Sua a "snow doll" may be a foreshadowing of Sua's death, as now it's semi-confirmed that dead children are cremated and sprinkled down onto the Anakt children's faces, but they only think it's snow. (THAT IS JUST FUCKING SICK. someone kill me)
And a parallel to the MIZISUA video, their first meeting. (The nickname is just--telling of how Sua is perceived, as a little dressed-up doll.)
(And that fact just gives this piece a wholeeee darker meaning. of course. It somewhat disproves the theory that the dead are instead fed to the Wagyein, but I don't know which is worse. Then again Sua's sister could've been going off on a psychotic rant, so I'm not taking it too seriously. It's a weird coincidence though)
1/2 SUA: Where else could you find such a paradise so wonderful? 2/2 SUA: So you're wrong.
(Some nuance may be lost in translation. I died)
So this comic, like Ivan's comic after ROUND 6, Cure, Heavenly Garden, was Sua's reminiscing during her final moments, and her only thoughts were the words of her sister, her face, haunting as it was, and Mizi, her universe.
Sua's sister pitied her for her inevitable fate, she had known the life of being a pet-human, used, abused, and hurt, she feared death and still had her instincts intact. Knowing Sua would go through the same cycle and then meet a terrible fate on that hellish stage...tasted bitter. It was frightening, but it was one small liberty for Sua to make it something of her own.
But for Sua, it was far from hell. Sua's sister references Anakt garden and Alien stage as a whole as hell because it's a one-way ticket to your demise, there is no true life once you're in, that's why it's so frightening, but being found by Mizi in that garden--Mizi was wonderful, Mizi made Sua feel like a child, to feel warm in her bright, gentle light, feeling the tranquility of feeling freed and loved in the comfort of Mizi's gentle song, Sua didn't want to be pitied, she didn't even regret making it this far, she didn't care about death as long as she wasn't without Mizi, Because to be able to be with her, and sing with her...everything was all worth it to meet Mizi. For Sua, there is no fate more miserable than living a life without Mizi and dying that way. Living a life of loneliness and anxiety was pitiful.
Side note, the title of this comic, Heavenly Garden, maybe a religious reference and, more specifically, a reference to the Garden of Eden. The themes here that connect to "Return to the Great Anakt", all children, in ashes and all will eventually return to the great Anakt, it gives me the idea that after Sua's death, her "Heaven", was returning to Anakt Garden and returning to her paradise, Mizi.
#I have never said I want to kill myself in a fandom more than I have after following alien stage#im going to kill myself by the way#THIS IS JUST#RUGHGHHHHH#straight yammering IM IN PAIN#VIVINOS. QMENG. YOU ARE SICK.#alien stage#alnst#alien stage sua#mizisua#alnst sua#sighffhh#sighhghgh#i adore Sua and Till's stories so much#and im still puzzled on the meaning behind the title buttttt#i think its a type of symbolism#I ALSO REALLY LIKE THE DESIGN OF SUA'S SISTER?#SHE'S GORGOUS#kind of insane but#she's beautiful#sob#*explodes*#Ivan and Sua's dying thoughts via comics coming out after singing cure is something#its really something#quite fitting though in both versions where they sing cure they are the most honest they can be#my brain is shaking in my skull#alnst mizi#sua alien stage#sua alnst#sua
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I love this orange airpod
#GRRR THE CUTENESS AGGRESSION I HAVE FOR HIM#I love kenny sm you guys you dont understand…………#I would die for him but that would be unnecessary considering the whole immortality thing#AND APPARENTLY OCTOBER IS KENNY'S FAVORITE MONTH TOO??? SO IN A WAY THIS IS A GIFT FOR HIM!!!!! (im insane)#he’s my favorite boy ever im so happy i finished this#one more to go!!#also the different hair lengths is not a mistake i just think hed rock every single hair length#THE URGE TO GIVE HIM THE PURPLE EYES TOO..... i restrained myself the blue eyes felt too right on him#oh but his mysterion/princess kenny is 100% having purple eyes though dont ask me how that works#can you also guess who gave him the pink band aid (hint: its karen)#did I mention that I love kenny#the things I have to say about him would be so long the tags would turn into an essay so I’ll just stop it here#kenny mccormick#south park#south park fanart#sp kenny#shroomer's art !#shroomer's archives: south park#artists on tumblr
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okay, because i saw a poll earlier and i thought the choices weren't clear enough and also the answers i saw to it annoyed me and also i'm curious:
NOTES:
I am including having watched gameplay of a game and not having played it as having watched the source material
In this context if you are writing fic/making art and you are not being commissioned to do so. This is purely for funsies
You getting into something because you saw a post/gifset/video about it and then watched the source material does not count. That's just how you get into new things.
Goncharov does not count because it's not real. I'll break kayfabe here I don't care.
#polls#look i got really annoyed by reading the tags of the since-deleted poll of people like 'did you forget goncharov hahaha' like.#that. that's not what was asked.#also like. i'll reblog posts of something ive not seen if i think theyre interesting/funny#but i don't count that as like. 'engaging in fandom" necessarily#bc to me at least fandom requires active engagement? and like im not gonna go hunting for like. leverage posts if ive not seen it#i also don't read fanfic like. at all. so i have no concept of how people read it?#like. i last read fanfic like 2 years ago bc i had just finished disco elysium#so people who read fic bc of the like. tropes or whatever like. i do not get it. im happy for you though#anyway. sorry i went insane i love u all#ben leaves the house#or doesnt. i guess in this case. a very Chronically Online Poll
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had a dream and drew it :o)
#im NOT tagging this as fallout#but i will tag#craig boone#boone/courier#boone x courier#oc: eli#doodly thingy#nebulous slice of life modern au#fallout tag#im not even sure if this should go in my blogs fallout tag but i mean. boone _is_ from fallout. okay i dunno ITS GOING IN THERE#anyway yeah insano mode waking up in a cold sweat jumping onto my comp to draw a boone/eli dream.......... bg3 could never#speaking of bg3 though my tav/astarion also has me in a headlock maybe i should draw some of them :thinkie:#ALSO just a looser compared to what im used to and i really like it! if you know which artist i used as a ref point.. hehe#its hatters/arts her comics are insane i really love the way you can TELL how big her brain is by when she says shes taking shortcuts but#the shortcuts all come from having already done the work. VERY impressive and i love the style derived from it!!#OKAY SORRY IM RAMBLING
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open discussion the community on here is so rough i would honestly leave if i had anywhere else to go. the us vs them mentality is strong and very harmful, when people try to talk to each other they just argue and never listen. the community is split between the two stances of "you like nsfw vore porn and are a freak" or "you are a wholesome only sfw vore lover/you are a minor" with no room for nuance because its been pushed out by all the arguing. its hostile and it sucks and i don't blame anyone for wanting out. theres so many issues here that cant be easily fixed but all the god damn fighting doesnt make it any easier
#speakin words#v0re#soft vore#nonsexual vore#extreme cuddling#im going mask off fuck it i am so mad.#this is probably going to get me blocked. but i dont care ive been suppressing how i feel to keep an audience#i dont agree w a lot of how things have been handled. its not like theres a big person to consult to fix it all but peoples behavior is bad#i want to have a discussion about this i really do i feel as though i am insane for feeling this way.
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So, was that tag mentioning "fairy deer lycanthropy" /j or /srs ?
#Maybe#I dont know#Im thinking about it#I want you to know every time im like 'ooooh I have this idea im not going to do it though' I am looking at my audience with big beady eyes#Mostly I do that to gauge interest because if I really didnt want to do it I wouldnt bring it up#almost no one has said anything about it but I am in fact insane about bodyhorror#Id have to figure out the logistics tho and I think thats my biggest roadblock rn#I have to make a design also I have to come up with a justification for how the fuck fairy lycanthropy works#because I am absolutely not making it canon that fairy bites just do that#maybe its partially somatic#I have no idea if thats the word im looking for#like he gets the idea in his head that itll happen and because of the magic in his blood he accidentally curses himself#that would be so beautiful#deep down he knows hes a monster and he starts externalizing that...#oh god im talking myself into it#fop nature au
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Ermmm assorted homosexual agenda, the finale was v enjoyable
#art#clone high#clone high season 2#clone high confucius#clone high jfk#clone high abe#clone high abraham lincoln#topher bus#clone high topher#WHAT would the polycule ship name be I’m going insane#the way they’re literally all dating eachother though…#abefk#jfk x topher bus#jfk and abe should’ve kissed on the mouth in the last episode#im so normal about them….#WET OWL TOPHER BUS#topher is so bird shaped I will not elaborate
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i need to beat him with bricks so bad its not funny. i need to kill him with hammers. i need him dead
#adventuretism post#fionna and cake spoilers#the winter king#i hate himmmm im not crazy about him like Some of you. Im normal. I need him dead#his song was animated so well though i was going insane the whole time. i was lkike.#mouth agape. the only noise i could make was insane laughter. i was stunned
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im the most normal person at the party
^ my reference picture to prove im not crazy. or to prove im extra crazy.
#everyone can have cute outfits. except pep who will not contact his moms for help buying clothes. i understand#adventure time#digital art#wizard city#adventure time fanart#distant lands#adventure time wizard city#im missing like. okay. i know exactly which wizards im missing and im actually sad about it#i almost forgot the beetle and shes my favorite. i forgot pot head even though shes ON my reference picture#and theres a bat girl on my reference pic too that didnt get in. cuz i forgor and then i had no room really. :(#and im sorry mustache and big chunk guy. i didnt include you then i felt bad actually. and crab head. and some others.#THESEA RE ALL TEH.BACKGROUND WIAZZRDS . FROM DISTANT LANDS. SORY. I WENT INSANE.#AND ILL GO INSANE AGAIN!
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Will Woods album " The Normal Album " will forever have this deep rooted connection to Bill cipher in my head. I can't explain, some songs just fit even BETTER after reading the Book of Bill
#I haven't finished the book yet though#got too excited and it gave me a headache#i love it though#bill cipher#will wood#ramble#cant wait to continue reading#the amount of codes are insane#im forcing myself to read it normal and then go back and read it AGAIN but then going over the codes#this is gonna take a while
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