#im getting faster >:3c

[vesperaink]

Hermittober recap!

I didn't get to as many of the prompts as I wanted but I drew 17 pieces which is a lot for me so I get a little giddy seeing my folder :D

[robinyourcreator]

Adana has gotten smooches :3c

Goth cleric's storyline is moving both faster and slower than I thought it would

Faster, in that for someone who's supposed to be so secretive, she's generally come across as not only eager but almost desperate to share more about herself.

Once the big secret of oooh im cleric of the evil mistress of the night came out, at least. speaking of that, VERY funny that one of the responses you can have for that is "...That's illegal in a lot of places, isn't it?" to which HER response is basically "What are you going to do about it? Call the cops? We're in the woods! No cops in the woods!"

Slower in that usually dnd writers make evil goddess portfolios pretty bdsm heavy and very sexual bc like three guys in the 80s were way into femdom, so while goth cleric gets dominatrix leather pajamas she's going to take things very very slow and not go on a date with you until she has poured her soul out to you 3+ times and trusts you implicitly, and then only smooches if that date then goes very well

[chesthighwater]

by thé way. wips roundup that absolutely no one asked for

first of all in the daudmartin brainrot corner we've got

sequel to bctbk, as promised. i have a major "plot" point planned, and then it might go one of two directions... we shall see :3c

the high overseer martin/assassin daud fic that i've posted a few excerpts from. essentially daud manifests himself into the abbey suggestively asking for ~spiritual guidance~ (lol) and things escalate from there. this has to get finished at some point because its like one of the first things i started writing for them. it deserve to see the light of day

a mildly humorous high overseer martin/spymaster daud fic. kind of a challenge for myself also- i find spymaster daud hard to imagine, and am not that used to writing daudmartin where they're not constantly trying to one-up/double cross each other/at each other's throats flirtatiously. presumably will not be nsfw (or at least, i'm not planning on it, but i make no promises. can't know where the ol inspiration will take me).

oh heres another high overseer martin thing! who wouldve thought! this time with Responsibility and Abbey Politics and Decisions. and working through issues. so many fucking issues. this one is actually actively in the works so ill leave it at that for now ;>

daudmartin pwp with genuinely 0 plot. like, negative plot. this thing defies plot. i can barely even tell you if it's an au or what, i might sprinkle a few nonsexual sentences in if i'm feeling generous but that's it. other than that it's literally just about martin being very quiet during sex and daud trying every trick he has in his book (which admittedly isn't many) to change that instead of like, communicating

augh speaking of plot-defying pwps. "what if overseers had (some appropriate equivalent to) confessions". there is some lore in here obviously but the entire point of it is confessional dirty talk. i dont KNOW

[REDACTED] pwp which im not even gonna advertise itll just appear one day and if you find it you found it

mostly unplanned ideas that i might flesh out: sokolov portrait thing. some dunwall noir stuff purely for martin in a cassock reasons (and sexualising religious guilt reasons. if i knew anything at all about priests i'd be working on this much faster). something involving the outsider appearing to martin (this might just get absorbed in a more well fleshed out idea at some point). martin Suffering More, because i want him in a situation where his wit fails completely (more desperation! more excuses! i am weak for this i really am.). something involving some more Action- fighting together against an acute threat? i think there should be more fighty martin out there. i am the change i want to see in the world

(not including the various snippets for the eternal serkonan vacation au which i already laid out there)

in the thief crossover brainrot corner (i bet you forgot i allude to thief crossovers in my description!)

also a sokolov portrait thing, but i have it way more planned out. corvo really, really wants garrett to sit in for a portrait (especially now when he's officially the empire's shadiest most mysterious spymaster ever). he reluctantly agrees, but Under One Condition.

a sort of relationship chronicle via heart lines. definitely starts with corvo's diplomatic mission and possibly ends with some happy dh2 era content. obviously i have the heart lines planned out.

possibly something involving more political intrigue/royal drama type stuff? i'm lucky enough to have access to someone who can give me some really good examples/plots if i fail to come up with anything myself.

(this is just a thief thing but i have had a viktoria/lt. mosley thing running around my brain for AGES. i want to explore how their relationship develops so bad. i know they have literally one interaction in canon but they are my blorbinas and i have mentally expanded their backstories so hard the story is basically begging to be written at this point)

anyway if you read this unreasonably unnecessarily long post i love you. i am sending you a kiss. wanna get married

[cutterteeth]

RULES

Short, sweet, and to the point. Follow these rules and we all have a great time.

1a. Mutuals only. I must be following you and you must be following me. Only those that I follow can like starter calls, send in character asks, and reply to posts.

1b. I will not interact with non-Mutuals, that includes asks, unless it’s done anonymously and it doesn’t have a url attached. Anyone who breaks this rule will get about a few pardons but after that will be blocked.

2a. My time is limited here in what I can do. This means that I am very selective in what I reply to. Doesn’t necessary mean that I am ignoring anyone. Some days I reply to everything and everyone, others I am so burnt out from irl things or work that I just lurk and do the bare minimum. My mental health and well-being comes before anything else.

2b. Replies vary by length and time. I normally work eight to ten hours a day and experience a lot of exhaustion. Unless I don’t see a thread or an ask going anywhere and publicly make a post saying it’s been dropped, consider everything as pending / will do ASAP. Memes are okay to send in late unless it clearly states, not accepting. My timezone is Eastern Standard Time or EST. United States is where I am located at. I am usually online from 10 PM EST to 3 AM EST unless it’s a day off from work, which the online time will vary from 12 PM EST to 3 AM EST.

2c. Role-playing is a hobby, not a job. Do not pester me for replies or asks to be answered. I am not obligated to owe anyone anything on this website. I am human and can’t cater to everyone’s needs. Being persistent here is not going to make me answer yours faster than other people.

2d. Don’t follow, unfollow, and then refollow my blog. It’s not going to make me want to follow you back, ever. It’s annoying and no one is being crafty by doing that. If you continue to do this and it isn’t a tumblr glitch, I will be inclined to block and possibly report for spam.

3a. If you do need to break mutuals with me, HARD BLOCK my blog. Don’t just UNFOLLOW or SOFT BLOCK because chances are that I could mistakenly follow you again. And that’s something we both don’t want since it would be quite awkward.

3b. I have the right to unfollow whoever I want to and so do you. Please don’t go on a hunt and try to guilt trip me into following you back again. Just don’t. I can and will tell you the reason why I unfollowed you but other than that, just let me leave in peace.

3c. Personal blogs and non RP blogs will be blocked on sight. Please, if you have a side blog let me know through asks so I don’t accidentally block you. IMs are not a good way to let me know since they are closed for non-mutuals.

4a. Duplicates are welcomed to follow me. The more the merrier. I do not suffer from same muse anxiety and encourage any of the same muse to follow me. Only request is that you don’t steal my headcanons, edits or icons. Other than that, we should all be able to have a good time. I’m always up for twin verses or alternate universes shenanigans.

4b. Original Characters are allowed to follow me. However, they need to be a little flesh out before I make a decision to follow them back or not. Just a small backstory or biography is all that I need. Headcanons also work if there isn’t an about page but must have about one page worth for me to consider following.

4c. Crossover Characters from other shows are allowed to follow me but I must know about said muse or else I’ll have a hard time whether to follow or not. Few fandoms I won’t interact with because I have no interest in these series are: Avatar the Last Airbender, Avatar the Legend of Korra. ( more to be added ).

5a. I am a multi-ship blog. All ships are separate in their own standings. Denji is 17 in the anime / manga. I will only ship him romantically with muses that are in the ages between 15 years to 17 years of age.

5b. I am open to all kinds of ships, not just romantic ones. I also enjoy platonic, rivalry, and familiar bonds. All ships are open to discussions through my IM(s) or otherwise known as Instant Messenger. Chemistry is key. As long as we interact a little, there’s always the chance that both muses can be in a relationship.

6a. Things for you to tag for me are: BIRDS, CHAIN LETTERS, ORGANS, DOGS. For the birds and dogs, just irl ones trigger me. I am fine with cartoon / art / video game ones as they are not real.

6b. This blog will contain sensitive themes from time to time. However, I will tag common things like those mentioned below. If you need anything tagged, please let me know through instant messaging / IMs. Things I’ll tag for you are but not limited to: BLOOD, GORE, DEATH, BODY HORROR, EYE HORROR, INSECTS, MAGGOTS, BRUISES, SCARS, GUNS, KNIVES, CLOWNS.

7a. I am over the age of eighteen. However, I refuse to write smut as I am not comfortable with that subject to begin with and Denji is a minor. Please never force me to write this with you and if you keep sending things to me in this type of nature, I will report you, no questions asked.

7b. If I see any form of hate and I find out it was you that sent it, I will immediately BLOCK you. No questions asked. Life is too short to send unwanted hate, anon or not. All anon hate and hate towards me and my characters ( s ) in general will be reported and then blocked, no questions asked.

8a. My pen name on here is SERE. Obliviously, that is not my real name but it’s what I go by. It’s short for ‘Serena’, the English name that DIC gave Usagi Tsukino in the Americanized version of Sailor Moon. It’s pronounced; SIR-REE. 9a. I am not a meme source. If you need to reblog a meme from my blog and don’t plan to send me anything, reblog from the source. I hardly get asks as it is, and for you to just use me as a meme source puts a bad taste in my mouth and I feel like I’m being used, which isn’t a good feeling. If you wonder if you should send in a meme to me, please do. I love getting asks. I do hoard them from time to time like a dragon hoards treasure but I do get to them eventually. The more memes / asks, the merrier.

9b. Feel free to turn inbox items that are answered from me into threads. Just remember to make separate post when replying. Do not reblog threads not meant for you and don’t reblog my headcanons. It’s okay to reblog my asks though if you want them to be keepsakes on your own blog. Also, it’s alright to reblog musings and images from me.

10a. I usually am not considered spoiler free. Follow at your own risk to avoid spoilers.

11a. I rather not be bothered by callout posts and any potential drama that might accumulate. I am just here to have fun and I hope everyone else can too. Life is too short to spend on certain things that don’t matter in the long run. If I see multiple call out posts from you in a single day or that’s all you post, I will quietly unfollow you. Out of character posts will be on here from time to time. Mostly talking about life in general or me venting once in a great while. If this annoys you, please remember that this is my blog, not yours. You are welcomed to unfollow / block at any time.

12a. The best way to interact with me is to send memes / asks / inbox things. I am always up for unprompted things in my inbox. Also, my instant messenger is always open if someone needs to contact me out of character or to plot something. Don’t hesitate to talk to me. I will try my best to respond.

12b. Not interacting after a month or two with me and my blog will make me silently unfollow you or result in a soft block. Or if you don’t interact with me at all, even out of character. Also, if you are gone for more than 6 months, I consider your blog inactive and will probably assume that you aren’t going to return.

13a. I’m really laid-back in nature so don’t feel pressured to reply to anything I send to you. I understand that life happens and that sometimes you just need to unwind from the stress of daily life. 14a. For pronouns; either SHE/HER or THEY/THEM is okay with me. My orientation is DEMIROMANTIC ASEXUAL. I love anime, manga, video games, music, drawing, and writing. If you read all of this, then thank you! I won’t ask for passcodes but please still try to remember these at some point. That’s all I ask. <3.

( rules may be updated from time to time so please check here once in awhile. I will also post when these are updated as well ).

[iridescent-king]

make a circuit with me (esp the version by the phenomenauts) bc electricity. also its a bop. AC/DC’s thunderstruck for a more jokey answer

{ Make a circuit with me is a BANGER?? Also relevant! Thank u so much :D and yes, of course thunderstruck. fml 

responses to the rest of the requests under the cut! }

I LOVE THIS SONG I thought I had this on the playlist already but apparently I didn’t? Gonna remedy that now. I know I have Mad as Rabbits and I Have Friends in Holy Spaces, though :3  I think Pretty Odd is my favourite Panic album 

I LOVE DR.HORRIBLE’S SING ALONG BLOG AAAA one of my favourite musicals. Nathan Filion is also hilarious XD and the MUSIC. they kinda did Penny super dirty tho bur whatever.

I was thinking about putting Dr.Horrible songs on the blog but all of them are pretty plot relevant for Dr.Horrible, and not necessarily for Dr.Cater, so I omitted them. Thank you for the suggestion though! :D

(fun fact, i made a lyricstuck thing for My Eyes once!)

Ah yes, of course. I never thought I’d be able to hear this song again because of how badly I overplayed it when I was like 14 but I think I’m ready to embrace it again.

I like the idea that Herman has the ability to paralyze ppl with his powers, but I guess in the scenario the lyrics present, this is an IRL au where Herman meets Feng at a club? XD hahaha I love it. Sold.

Very 80s, Very Danger. Thanks for the suggestion! I’ll take it!

@hellenistyx​ YES I HAVE I love that somebody just went and made a song dubstep about Herman LMAO. How appropriate?? He kinda sounds like weird dubstep anyway. 10/10

@ask-vantablack​ Woooaaah. This slipknot song is blowing my mind. It’s so bizarre but deliberate?? And the lyrics can be applied to Herman’s story pretty seamlessly 😍

some of the sounds in Blue make me think of the sound you hear in tier III madness? The music box is especially giving me Herman vibes! MK Ultra did do some pretty horrific experiments on children after all.

and about that KoRn song... I am shocked. All of the lyrics from 2m onward is Herman literally just describing himself getting dragged to the entity’s realm and I am super here for it. 

Thank you so much for the suggestions! these are probably among the best ive gotten 😍 😍 😍

VERY HERMAN SOUNDING, electricity, the lyric “the doctor is insane...” MMM *chef kiss* Doesn’t get much better than this. I never would have found this on my own, thank you so much for sending it!

@totally-not-an-awkward-okapi  This is probably one of my staple songs for the Doctor. The vocals, the distortion, the ECT! The banging piano?? the SINISTER VIBES the Mind Electric is THE Doctor song, tbh. I wanna make an animation meme for it sometime.

Thanks everyone so much for the suggestions! :D Now It’s my turn to share some Doctor Tunes

The Avalanches - 'Frontier Psychiatrist  of course

Suicide Booth - Mad Scientist

Men At Work - Dr. Heckyll & Mr. Jive

Alan Parsons Project - Doctor Tarr And Professor Fether

Oingo Boingo - Nasty Habits

Michael Guy Bowman - Mad Science

[lindwurm-prince]

I feel like the new doge memes every time I play minecraft

currently building a nice beach house for my bro because he’s been depressed lately

[cypella]

tfw it takes nearly 15 minutes to get through a 2.5 minute song on piano

[xamaxenta]

Sabo chompy time :3c

Ok but I wish I could simplify to draw faster just to get my ideas out without being messy bc fast = big mess in my sketches bc i idk what i want yet so im putting every line down that actually doesn’t need to be put down

But I had a rly stupid idea of Ace at the kitchen table and Sherbert is sitting there with him but theyre like bonding bc Sherb has his ? ?? Weird little sylveon flesh ribbons wrapped around Ace’s head and theyre staring into each other’s eyes and Marco walks in like oh there you are-

Am I interrupting something? And then Sherbert unravels himself from Ace and launches himself at Marco and wraps his flesh ribbons around his head instead for maximum snuggles

Like a strange headcrab lmfao

Im half day at work today so i can go home in about four hours and then uh idk draw sabo again i need to learn to draw him again

[iheartthesmithsblog]

NEW THEME

i will be doing the 3DOL & ROE challenge again ﹗ ˖ ་ 💭 @starliet @cleostoohot

what im manifesting…

• going from my current height to 5’6 (i don’t know how tall i am LOL)

• my desired face and body (for body i want long smooth legs , smaller boobs, a small upper body, and a thick lower body , a slim pear shape??) for my desired face I don’t want to change drastically since i am quite happy with how i look i just want some changes like .. ( longer lashes, thicker eyebrows, clearer skin, a deep cheek dimple, orange amber eyes, straight teeth, an angel skull, symmetrical face, smaller nose, my desired beauty marks, and freckles)

• my desired hair texture (3c curly hair)

• rich parents/better family life

• 1 million dollars in my bank account (this helps me with not putting logic in my manifestations sooo)

• making my schools varsity volleyball team/being amazing at volleyball

• moving to a new house

• and getting an iphone 11 🤍

i will be using these affirmations as my main ones

* regardless of everything, its a fact everything works out in my favor.

* regardless of everything, its a fact i don’t have to live in the end to manifest, all i have to do is want something and boom I already have it

* regardless of everything all subliminals work instantly for me and always gives me my desired results within 3 days or less

* regardless of everything all manifesting methods work instantly for me

* regardless of everything it is a fact i always get what i want

* regardless of everything its a fact i always manifest within 3 days or less

* regardless of everything its a fact only good things happen to me

* i love myself and my life

* regardless of everything its a fact nothing can ruin my manifestations

* regardless of everything it is a fact that the more i obsess over my desire the faster it comes just as fast at it comes when i detach from it

desired face affirmations:

i have a beautiful face

i am beautiful

i have a perfectly symmetrical face

i have the clearest skin ever

I have one deep cheek dimple on the right side of my face

I have light brown freckles that suit me scattered across my face

i have all my desired facial features

i have the cutest angel skull

i have the prettiest , small, button nose

i have the most genetically perfect side profile, literally nobody can compare

i have beautiful light, amber brown eyes

i have the darkest fluffiest longest , eyelashes and the thickest fullest dark eyebrows

i have the upmost perfect pearly white teeth

regardless of everything i have my desired face

regardless of everything i manifested my desired face in 3 days or less

desired body affirmations:

i have small, lifted , perky breasts

i have small b cup breasts

i have the most perfect boobs ever people get boob jobs to have boobs that look like mine (LOL)

i have a small upper body

i have such a small snatched waist its crazy

i have the flattest stomach in world history

i have the prettiest abs ever

i have the fullest hips

i have a big, plump, heart shaped bubble butt

i have thick thighs

i have a heart shaped thigh gap

i have long smooth legs

i am 5’6

i am 5 feet 6 inches tall

my entire body is free from any scars or marks

all marks and scars are completely and permanently vanished from my body

regardless of everything i have my desired body

regardless of everything it only took 3 days or less for me to manifest my desired body

other affirmations:

I got an iphone 11 in purple or white from my grandparents for my birthday

my grandparents got me an iphone 11 in purple or white for my birthday

my parents are very rich and wealthy

my parents both have high paying jobs and spoils me and my siblings

my dad gives me a weekly allowance of 20 dollars

i have 1 million dollars

its amazing how rich i am

my bank account is flooding with money

i have a healthy relationship with both of my parents

my entire family supports the lgbqt community and supports and accepts me for being apart of it

my entire family is loving, caring and rich

my parents love me and my siblings deeply and only treats us with love, respect and care

my parents bought a new big 2 story house and we are moving in now

i have my own room and bathroom in our new house

i have been playing volleyball since i was 3

i am a pro at all volleyball positions

i made the varsity school’s volleyball team

this is my second time doing this challenge and i am going to officially start tmrw 7/8/22 ending 7/11/22. i am going to do the same routine affirming before bed, randomly, whenever i think about my desires, before bed and listening to my subliminal playlist overnight and thats it! this is how i got results last time by not over complicating it and just applying what i know which is (assumptions create - persist in assumption and it becomes true = showing in the 3d ) boom its that easy ་ ᳝ ◝ 𖥻⏱️ ぃ ˑ

[honeyuuyuu]

🎭? 💓? :3c Im quite curious~ !

Ask game!

🎭 MASKS - do they act differently around certain people? what's different

i don't really need to explain much now do I-

💓 BEATING HEART - what gets their heart racing?

Now, your heart beating faster is affected by mainly two things: The "doki doki" or being terrified as fck-

Doki: Every cheesy romantic action, word and most importantly, affection you could ever think of. Their crush / lover being soft, sweet, kind or loving to them always gets their heart racing.

Or calling them the most adorable, little cinna-bun-bun cutie bunny sugar roll cinnamon-

Terrified: Or a light-hearted note, really gets scared of lightning that they squeal when it hits really loud, or any loud sound have their heart rate increasing by the minute.

On a more serious note, losing something valuable or someone valuable have them sobbing, panicking non-stop.

[a-little-birdie]

(Sorta Random) Hunter headcannons.

Cuz this boi is my best boi.

(And Gus too! And a few others! The list goes on a bit.)

Also, these headcannons might not be 100% in character, because A) they’re headcannons and B) im not the one who wrote the characters in the show, im just taking what i saw and running with it. You’ll never catch me! >:3c

Tws: talk of toxic behaviour, child abuse, trauma, emotional abuse, abandonment issues, conditional love and kindness, unhealthy relationships, trust issues, this is hunter were talking about i mean really.

Okay, so, I’ll bet you 5,000 snails hunter wasn’t taught how to deal with his emotions

Or anything relationship wise

Or what a healthy relationship is or anything to do with toxic behaviour because if he knew any red flags and stuff he’d rebel against Belos faster. Information is key in his situation really.

So he doesn’t realize anything he’s doing might be toxic, leading to him having difficulty making friends or keeping them. It really isn’t his fault, but that doesn’t mean he cant do anything about it. So he learns! Once he’s out of the coven of course….

It also means he wouldn’t understand if someone was being toxic to him. And I don’t mean someone shouting “hey punk! Give me your lunch or I’ll hurt you!” Or something like that, he’s sheltered, not daft.

He wouldnt let someone push him around but if someone were to insinuate their friendship isn’t unconditional or were to say “you cant be friends with them.” He’d question it but if they just said “theyre a bad person and theyre mean.” He’d probably listen.

When he gets out of the emperors coven and goes to the human realm I think he’d start to explore himself further. He’s in a much safer place where everything and everyone doesn’t want to kill him, he doesn’t have to keep his guard up as much anymore. But even if he realizes it, it would take him a while to actually get comfortable but when that happens he’d start looking around for hobbies.

Because I think he likes to keep his hands busy he’d probably like knitting, crochet, sewing and perhaps even drawing! Luz’s mother would 100% give him resources as long as he asked. I think she’s just sorta the type to leave you be until you asked or really needed help and stuff

Hunter would get into history and books, I feel like he wouldn’t like fantasy that much because of how different humanities view on the magical and mythical is from his reality. He might get intrigued by a few things though.

So in the coven I feel his emotions were pretty stunted, same with his person but a few things I can get from him is he is very loyal and fiercely protective. It takes quite a bit to get him to leave someone. Speaking of leaving.

This boy has ✨abandonment issues✨ (don’t we all tho? I mean like, you’re here, aren’t you??)

And everything he’s been given is conditional. He even said himself that chances have to be earned. The fear he showed in eclipse lake? Just how irrational he became out of fear of failure? He doesn’t get love for free, he doesn’t get kindness for free, everything is a ploy to gain your favour, everything has an ulterior motive. Just because he isn’t with Belos anymore does not mean any of his trauma magically disappeared.

Because a lot of people are willing to backstab you in the coven (I bet it’s a very “dog eat dog” kind of environment) hunter would have trust issues as well. He’s scared of people leaving him but he’s scared of letting people close.

It’s a steep learning curve for him but eventually he starts to trust others more often and stop being so scared of them leaving.

Another thing I gathered about his personality is that he is very protective, he’s willing to put his life on the life for those he cares about.

Another thing is he can be very patient. When the time calls for it.

He’s also very dedicated and is self-disciplined. If he saw a pile of dirty dishes or his room was messy he’d go “I should clean that.” And then he would. He is god tier in being self disciplined.

I believe he can not cook to save his life. Absolutely the worst. It will be burnt and he’d put it in the freezer to try and make it not burnt. He’d try his best and it just wouldn’t work. I’ll bet he does however have a green thumb.

Feels guilty for all the wrong he’s done as the golden guard and everything the golden guard represents so he’d try to make up for it.

He just wants to be a good person and do good things. He wants to make people happy and he wants others to be proud of him. He craves validation and love but he needs to learn how to give it to himself first.

[h1ghtechl0wlife]

im trying hard to embrace the "make art/be creative for yourself and not for commodification" but it's so hard, it's just like. so then what's the point. i know it's to like enrich yourself, etc, but it just feels mega pointless if i cant make money off it because drawing never particularly brought me joy or whatever. it was just something i got positive feedback for as a kid so i just. kept doing it. did it for work for a while and that really killed the last spark of pleasure in it. tried other mediums, more realistic painting, quilling, felting, got an embroidery kit, got some simple starter sewing guides, and at the end of the day even if i start off interested and excited partway through the project i just lose interest because what's the point? what am i doing this for?

i had a pretty good handle on felting, made some things i felt were good quality work, had ideas for future projects. got 85% done with the last project and just stopped. stopped working or caring. i occasionally think i should finish it then shrug it off. i got just interested enough to spend a good chunk of money on supplies and specialist tools then went ok, now that i have my craft dragon hoard, all done now :)

i just want to feel happy or content creating something but really all ive ever felt when working on stuff is bored, and thinking about playing a game or something. so idk how or why i started in the first place. ig just to get any positive attention from my parents and teachers. childs latest attempt at attention whoring leads to unstable miserable adult who doesnt know why he ever cared about art yet feels a gutwrenching depression and worthlessness in his inability to create anything.

maybe my moms obsession with me honing my skills faster and younger so she could show my work off and use the awards to prove what a good parent she was to have created a Talented Child^tm made it too tied to my self-worth, so now it feels bad to fuck around with in case i accidentally decimate my self-esteem by not being perfect. all those art classes she sent me to, all the restructuring of my school to put all elective focus on art, and for what 🤷‍♂️ just to make me sadder and crazier?

another day another thing to blame my mom for >:3c victims of child abuse stay winning

[couldyouspeakmyname]

Im submitting the blind date HC's cus the ask box got filled up fast

For the blind date with Miguel, I feel like Agata would be the one who set you up with him.  Lets just say the setting is that youre friends with Agata and he tells you he knows someone that you might like...  He would describe him in the sweetest way possible too.  "Aah there's a lion I know that I think you'll really like! His names Miguel and he's so reliable and strong, he even saved my life once!!  "  So before you meet him, all you know about him is his name, hes a lion, and he's someone who saved Agata...

THE DATE IS HERE😳😳😳

When you meet Miguel, he's going to look so calm and collected but he's nervous on the inside and very good at hiding it.  Being a big scary mafia man all day: easy.  Going on a date: ?!?!?!

He'll ask Hino for outfit help.  He won't wear a full suit, it'll be a button up but one of those loose short sleeve ones with a nice print and probably black or tan pants depending on the color of his outfit(I know this is super specific but I have a non-gang wardrobe outfit all planned in my mind for him LOL). A pretty simple outfit but he's going to look super good in it cus he's so muscular :3 You won't able to stop staring at his arms and the little bit of his chest that shows at the top

He would go on a date where you two can talk easily so he can get to know you well.  Lets say for this date, it's at a very beautiful botanical garden :3c.... Very cliche but he would look at you very adoringly while you look at the flowers and he would listen really closely to what you have to say about the flowers.

He likes to ask you a lot about yourself and what you do.  Are you in school? Are you working? What are your hobbies?  It sounds like prodding but he just really wants to know about you.  He remembers everything you tell him too.  Later on when he sees something that you talked about, he'll remember that you liked it and then talk to you about it.  He also wants you to talk more cus he feels like he has nothing to talk about except shishigumi stuff😔not true at all

Miguel seems super confident but I feel like once you start asking him the same questions he asked you, he would start to shy away.  Suddenly, he can't maintain eye contact.  Not to be like that but I feel like he (and other shishigumi members) might think that since he's part of a gang (or if it's after they come out of prison cus they have a criminal record) a potential partner might not be super interested BUT IN THIS BLIND DATE YOU HAVE TO SHOW HIM THAT U WANT HIM.  Don't be super pushy and show him a lot of sweet attention :3.  Put a hand on this muscular arm to let him know that youre listening to him.

He wont realize it but during the date when youre walking together, he'll unknowingly start walking closer and closer to you.  Eventually your hands will brush together and he'll try to move away but FIRMLY GRASP THAT HAND.

After the garden, he'll ask you what you wanna do and the whole day is gonna be based around what you wanna do next. You wanna eat? Let's go eat then. He'll be down for anything and is probably gonna want you to pick so he can get to know what food you like.  Tbh one thing I really wanna do with him is get boba and see his reaction to it LOL.  I feel like he has a big sweet tooth so he'll really like it and start getting it more.  Since you showed him it, he'll think of you every time :3c

As the date goes on, he's gonna start getting more and more comfortable with you and be more open.  He'll tell you about what he does in his personal time, he'll smile more at you, be more comfortable with intimacy, etc.

Also, he's gonna pay for everything on the date.  

At the end, he'll walk (or drive) you home ofc.  Assuming it all went well, he's going to really want to see you again.  He'll make plans for a second date right there😳miguel strikes me as person who doesn't beat around the bush and he knows he wants and now... he wants u.  He isn't going to show it much but he feels so good and happy.  Before he leaves, he tells you he had a good time and gives you a very nice and warm hug (and...maybe a ...kiss😳😳😳)

On all the dates after this, he's going to be so excited to see you and sometimes you catch him getting giddy in his own ways.  If youre walking towards him from far, he'll fast walk or do a light jog to reach you faster.  Rather than you talking, he'll start talking more and more.  It's all so very cute

sigh i didnt mean to write this much but my hands lose control  LOL

[toukenramblings]

I'm feeling a bit evil... what would drive Shokudaikiri, Yagen, and Koryuu to tears? Be it angry or sad... some negative outcome, I suppose >:3c I feel like hurting some bois in this chilis tonight. I want the angst to Hurt, hehe. Thanks!

~~

OH HOHOHOHOHOHOHO LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Warnings: Sadness, angst, trauma(?) I did my besty. Delving into the nightmares headcanons I made for Yagen too. @rexcaliburechoes‘ essays on these guys are waaay better than i could ever come up with. Dedicated to rexy because I couldn’t have done this without em. I kept this kinda short because....my hEART HURTS IM SORRYYYY

here take some happy cute gifs before we dive into the angst.

Shokudaikiri MItsutada

Micchan being shaken to tears is rather easy. Look at his nightmares. Of the earthquake of his breaking of...of a lot. You two being together or not, Micchan tends to wake up in tears because of these nightmares. They hurt him so so bad.

It’s worse when you two have a close relationship, romantic or not. Micchan has nightmares about you. Of your death and that’s a given. But if you die, he thinks that he failed you. That he is supposed to be this cool sword, ingrained in the memories of people to not forget him. He worries that you will indeed forget him and take the memory of him to your grave

It’s the same with the Dategumi and the people around him he’s become close to. Nightmares of their deaths.

But to be honest I think the thing that makes Micchan cry the most (other than the nightmares) are earthquakes and the idea being useless - of failing.

Going back to the serious Micchan headcanons I made, Micchan cannot handle the idea of coming back from a fight and just...not being able to protect someone. He internalizes things a lot and it’s really not healthy. He brushes off concerns of others, claiming that he’s alright. If the Dategumi gets hurt during a night, of course he’s going to not take it all that well. It’s his fault. What if they fucking died?

It takes a lot for Micchan to cry, but sometimes the tears just come out? He hides them for so long that sometimes it’s just building and building and building until the dam bursts and he’s just found crying in the middle of the kitchen?

He tries to cry alone though, no one should see him like this. He won’t look cool if he cries, showing weakness to the people around him. They’re going to think lowly of him, disgusted at his weakness.

Yagen Toushirou

Yagen, like Micchan, internalizes his feelings a lot. He won’t admit that he’s crying or anything and it’s rare for him to even do that at all. It hangs in his heart, a weight - a stone to a sinking ship. Except the stone is like a fucking meteor that is plummeting him down faster into the depths and he’s drowning and he can’t breathe and one wrong step he’ll choke himself on the chains- Yagen does not cry.

When he does though, it’s...quiet. He is a protective sword, a close combat fighter. If anything happens to his brothers he would be devastated. If anything happened to Ichi-nii he would almost want to die. He’s calm, collected, and put together. Crying is a business he isn’t made for.

If you two are close and you’re hurt? Yagen will shed some tears for you for his brothers - then it’s back to normal Yagen. He has to shove them aside, they’re useless in the face of battle.

It’s rare for him to actually sob, it’s collected tears at the corner of his eyes. Tears he doesn’t know are coming, a foreign sensation. It begins soft, maybe there’s some heart-wrenching whimpers but most of the time it’s quiet; a hand over his mouth to prevent him from being heard. He cannot be heard. He cannot be found crying. That just isn’t him.

If anything if there is an instance where he is in fact brought to tears it centers around his brothers or you, when either one of you are injured - or worse, a brother broken. Again he will go on a walk to try and clear his head, to be brave in front of the rest of the citadel. He is stronger than this, one of the most mature of the tantou. Then it just...comes out.

The sobs are a little louder this time when he cries of a broken friend or of a broken brother, of how he failed to protect them - or how he could have protected you better. He beats himself up about this a lot.

Yagen’s tears are silent, creeping up on him, invisible. It doesn’t seem like he’s crying half of the time but you need to catch him and hold him during that time.

Koryuu Kagemitsu

Koryuu will admit that he has some abandonment issues and issues with himself in general. He was once considered a fake just because he was in the possession of a peasant family.His entire life he’s been passed from one person to the next, like Souza in a way. While Souza is much more melancholic about it, Koryuu portrays it in a way that seems alright?

If anything, Koryuu is just a lonely soul. He’s had many masters and none of them were....good? He wishes for a saniwa that is pure and honest.

So telling him a lie will honestly crack his trust in you. Not being up front with him will also cause him to not resent you but become distant.

If anything, Koryuu cries whenever someone else cries. He shares their pain, he cannot handle it if someone is hurting. He wants to make them happy. It’s almost Tsuru-like in a way but for Koryuu, he’s a bleeding heart. They shouldn’t feel such a thing.

Koryuu rarely cries. He doesn’t hide it like Yagen or Micchan above, but it’s more so along the lines of he can openly cry in front of others.

But what gets him is the fact that his journey to find his one true master, the master he can trust above all us might be...fruitless? All of his masters are poor, betrayed, demonized, or died horrible deaths. When this reality sets in, that he’s just only to be passed from one person to the next, no real home in sight - that scares him the most. Romantic relationship or not with Koryuu, he’s scared because he can’t find a place to belong to. That is what scares him the most.

It’s when this thought settles into him, that a home or a one true master does not exist because it can’t. Humans are flawed, one may think that they are just but the other party views them as demonic - does Koryuu begin to cry. He’s chasing after a dream that he knows isn’t real, he buries it under being all free-spirited, to try and breathe hope and life back into that goal of his. In the end though, he’ll never find it.

[hansolosbi]

i think i just gotta Do It and send the monster mash to the guy i know who has an imprint and is interested in the Concept, i was going to wait until i heard back from beta readers but 1-if he doesnt end up feeling like it would work with the imprint i would at least be able to start what i need to start to self publish, and if he does id at least know what i need to do now 2-i realized today im actually getting pretty close to the end of the scifi thing and like. i cant. have. two finished books. and no published books

[oceansevaporatetoo]

this cool thing

CW: lab whump, lady whumper, minor whumpee, creepy comfort (abusive/manipulative caretaker), fucky headspace, self hatred, needles, mentions of death, panic attack, disassociation, suicidal ideations, torture, noncon touch, sleep deprivation

here is a description courtesy of @teenytinytumblers: hi im oliver, i have fire powers and also the power of sassiness, im being tortured to find out the source of my fire powers by this shitty lady named dr. bateman, and theres this other dude named liam who likes to punch people, people being me. also my parents abandoned me to the center btw so theres my tragic backstory for you

this is my first time posting writing on tumblr, please lmk if you like it!

I feel nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Dr. Bateman said she’d be back in a couple of minutes with clean clothes—not-bloody clothes—but she’s not back yet and I think I’m going to collapse where I’m standing.

My eyelids flutter, but she said she’d come back and she’s not back yet so I stay standing. I stare at the clock and watch the seconds tick by. Time seems to move faster now that I know I’m nearly dead.

I knew before, I think. I just didn’t understand. There’s no getting out of this.

I am going to die. 

And I’m okay with that, I think hazily as the door swings open.

“Oliver,” Dr. Bateman says, putting the clothes on my bed. She looks up at me, and I lower my gaze just before our eyes meet. “No. Look at me.”

A million comebacks flash through my head and I say none of them. I look at her and can almost feel her hand gripping my chin, the tip of a needle pressing into my neck while I beg her to stop.

I blink.

“Good,” she says, her tone nearly motherly. “Now, Liam will be here tomorrow morning at—“

“I don’t want to know.” My voice cracks, and I flinch as her hand goes to the remote resting on her clipboard. 

“Don’t interrupt me,” she says quietly, but she doesn’t press the button.

“I’m sorry—“

“I’m still speaking.”

It’s a test. It’s a trap.

I say nothing.

Dr. Bateman jots something down on her clipboard, then looks back up at me.

Am I supposed to say something?

My head spins. I’m going to yawn and I can’t, she’ll be furious— and she’s still looking at me.

“This shouldn’t be this hard, Oliver,” Dr. Bateman says loftily, and what if she’s doing this on purpose, what if she’s trying to get me to mess up?

I can’t even remember what we were talking about anymore, and my head feels full of cotton balls and glass shards.

I’ve been holding my breath this whole time. I didn’t notice.

“Oliver?”

I look at her.

She looks at me a second too long and I break.

I let out a panicked sob, grabbing the nightstand behind me and sinking down onto the floor. I’m staring at the same red shoes that were pinning me down to the ground earlier and I screw my eyes shut, but I can still see the red on the inside of my eyelids and I can’t breathe.

“Honey,” Dr. Bateman’s voice comes from somewhere above me, slightly muffled, and I can’t tell if she’s concerned or patronizing or something else entirely. “What’s wrong?”

“You— you’re going to kill me.” But it’s not me saying that, it couldn’t be, because I don’t even remember my mouth starting to move. I don’t remember my eyes opening.

“Yes,” She reaches over my head to put her clipboard on the nightstand. I want to back away, but there’s nowhere to go, and I press myself into the wood. The look on her face makes me think that my shutting down is waking her up. “But let’s face it. I was always going to do that. Oliver, honey, do you know how elemental powers work? It’s in your chromosomes. Down to the deepest level. There’s no way to get rid of your fire without getting rid of you.” 

My head pounds, and I take a shuddering breath. The room is spinning, but not around me, around her.

I’m dreaming, this has to be a dream—

She runs a hand through my hair, as if to be consoling. I shrink away from her.

 “Don’t touch me,” I say, and the sentence comes out in a sob. “Please don’t—”

Her fingers curl into my hair and she yanks my head back so I’m forced to look up at her. “I’ll do anything I want to do, Oliver,” she says, her voice dangerously soft. “You’re going to be on the operating table tomorrow, and yes, I am going to touch you. Never speak to me that way again.”

I say nothing. No words would come out anyway. She lets go of my hair, and I let my head drop.

“Now,” Dr. Bateman continues. Her tone is harsh, and I flinch, bracing myself for pain that I’m not even sure is coming. “I have several things to explain to you, and I suggest you just listen. Look at me, Oliver.”

I look up, swallowing. My eyes threaten to close again, and I force them to stay open.

“Thank you,” she says finally. “Now, Liam will…”

I tune her out, staring absentmindedly at the clock right behind her head. My heartbeat is still in my ears and it aligns with the ticking of the clock, like it’s counting down the minutes until I die.

“Oliver,” I look at Dr. Bateman. “Do you understand?”

“Yes.”

“What time tomorrow?”

I don’t know. I have no idea, and she takes the clipboard off the nightstand.

“No, wait—“

She pushes the button, and pain courses through every single nerve in my body.

Pass out, pass out, pass out, I think, and a second later, I do.

“Ten tomorrow morning,” Dr. Bateman tells me when I come to. “What time?”

“Ten tomorrow morning,” I repeat, my voice hollow.

“And where is Liam going to take you?”

“To—” I don’t know, I don’t— “Dr. Bateman, please— just tell me again, I’ll listen this time—”

“I’ve told you three times already, Oliver.”

No. She hasn’t. She hasn’t. I’m not that delirious, right?

Right?

“No— no, you haven’t— I’m not—“

“Are you arguing with me?”

“No no no, I’m not—“

“Well, that’s what it sounds like. But you wouldn’t dare, would you? Not after all that time you spent in 3C.”

“No, I wouldn’t— Dr. Bateman, please—“

“So, where is Liam going to take you?”

Her hand is too close to her clipboard. “Please don’t,” I sob. “No—“

“Honey, just tell me you don’t know the answer and move on,” she says. “There’s no point in delaying the inevitable.”

“No, I know it— I— just say it one more time, please, I promise I’ll get it—“

“You don’t know, Oliver. Say it.”

“I don’t—“ I sob. “I don’t know, but Dr. Bateman, please, please—“

I can hear myself screaming. I can see myself screaming, and I scream again to make sure that I’m still here, that I’m not dead, and then I slam back into my body and I’m still screaming. Dr. Bateman says something, but she sounds far away and underwater, and I think my ears are broken, but really, maybe I’m broken, like that broken clock in the other center that can’t tell the time anymore.

“Oliver.”

Maybe if I open my eyes this will all be a nightmare, an awful nightmare that I’ve been dreaming about for hours, for days, for years. My mom will be alive and my dad will love me again and I won’t have powers—

I open my eyes.

It’s not a nightmare. 

It’s real. 

It’s real, and I’m staring at those red shoes again, shoes the color of blood, of murder, of years and years of torture only to die in the exact same place.

“Oliver.”

I look up at Dr. Bateman, at the woman who took everything from me, and feel absolute, paralyzing fear.

I hate her, I hate her, I—

“I’m only going to say this one more time. At ten tomorrow morning, Liam is going to come in here and bring you to my office. You’re going to say goodbye to everyone, and then you’re done.”

Done.

“Now answer my question. Where is Liam going to take you?”

“To— to your office,” I manage to say.

“Perfect,” she says. “I’ll see you soon. Good night, honey.”

I flinch as the door closes behind her.

I think I might cry, and I will myself to feel nothing again.