#im excited for the free day tomorrow
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IshiMondo Week Day 6: Confessions
To be honest this is less of a confession and more of a screaming match
And of course, your bonus:
Was it casual when you voted for me so you could die by my side?
(this is a reference to the only stageplay of thh on YouTube. It ruined me. AUGH.)
#ishimondo#mondo owada#kiyotaka ishimaru#ishimondo week 2024#i hope yall appreciate my witty joke in the bonus#pumping out two drawings in one night...thats a new record for me..#im excited for the free day tomorrow#not sure what im gonna do but ill try to make it worthwhile#lets hope i get it done tomorrow lmao#speaking of..#SEE YALL THEN 😋
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stay warm! 🌟🍬🤖🎈
#stupid idiot forgot his mittens. to the shredder#merry yurimas.#polysho#project sekai#pjsk#prsk#emu otori#tsukasa tenma#nene kusanagi#rui kamishiro#proseka#Oh my god im waking uo for the stupid broadcast in like 6 hours im dumb as fuck#WEH. WEH#merry whatever the fuck#AUUUUUU excited to have nothing to do and draw for myself for um 12.. days. Oh my god theres only 12 days til 2nd sem. Oh fuck everything#I NEED TO DRAAAAAAAAW.#guys help i was going to draw song covers i want but i need to sleep cause i have stuff tomorrow but listen#if rks gets a snobbism cover i called it. Ok? ok.#i think it would be funny and just if they dont get another duet again. get the ruinene treatment. CAN WE FREE RNN ACTUALLY ITS CHRISTMAS#what was the other thing. um carnival that song i want it added so bad idk if theres sny songs with its letter count but please.#literally played nijiro stories on repeat while drawing this we need them back#fucking NBOODY TOOOOLD ME ITS EMUKASA WEEK ON STIPID TWITTER IM NOOOOTHING IM NOTHIN#i usually acknowledge that i dont have the moxy to do fanweeks but i really want to be drawing more and faster so i will participate.#emurui week is like march iirc. you wont get away from me this time.
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kissing everyone who asked/likes my ocs on the head (yes i saw the ask on my other blog and i absolutely have!!!! will share it after work heheheh)
#im so excited yall tomorrow is my free day so ill prob dump even more and today#unless i sleep for 24 hours bc im so sleep deprived im even all pale and ugly looking AHAH aaa#babbles#tbd
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ngl gamers, I think I'm gonna inevitably lose to the hormones and depression in the near future XD
Can't bring myself to be active cause I'm using a lot of energy to not vent post all the time. But fuck it, into the tags I go!
#I want NO MESSAGES regarding this. let me just be upset and alone#you spend most of your life trying to not succumb to sick brain but honestly I don't think it's worth it in the long run#my life is for better or worse....decent. but I've lost the drive and happiness to really DO anything a long time ago. like whats the point#the only reason I havent killed myself yet is cause Im too lazy (and dont have access to a gun for a quick getaway)#and I'm saying all this DESPITE having stuff to look forward to in the near future. it's like AUGH whats the POINT IM always gonna suffer#why does mental health take such a toll on ppl. this shit sucks ass. and I still feel excited for things in the future too? somehow?#but I also really want to die so. idk man. idk. maybe if I fall in love with someone then I can be distracted but all my walls are up#what's the point in anything anymore. *I* have to take the steps to improve myself and my situation#and I'd rather die. anyways who wants to make a pact that once we reach 40 we will marry each other#that might be fun#also my brain has gotten so bad that I am literally considering joining a hiking club to get out more and I FUCKING HATE HIKING#but I should probably do something out of my comfort zone to push myself and who knows maybe I will find a new passion#but let me tell you about the anxiety - oh BOY it's starting to act up again. hahahha#ah well sometimes you just need to scream your feelings out in the tags to get a lil clarity from the brain fog#one day I will fucking die/kill myself but for now I'll just try to make the best out of. whatever the hell this stupid life is. *shrug*#(but hey if any professional hitmen are reading this. feel free to. heh. you know ;) )#also I need to get back to art#gotta do my paid work and that one pic I lined months ago. and clay stuff *continues to bed rot another week because hahahahahahaha*#ah I wish I didn't fail all those years ago. then I would be free. I wish I was free#ok goodnight I promised myself that I would do paid work when I wake up tomorrow so hopefully no more migraines -pray emoji-
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why do i get the productivity and organizational motivations at night when i should be getting the sleep motivation
#having the urge to start scheduling my days/setting up daily tasks for myself/planning for future tasks#meanwhile its 11pm and im getting up at 6:30am#voluntarily i should mention - im going to the library to do work bc my wifi at home is absolute shit#and i wanna go early bc otherwise im gonna sit in bed rotting and i dont want that#anywho tomorrow im gonna be doing some mandatory reporter training 🙃 its around two hours long 🙃#and testing out scrivener!! i got the free trial (which. btw. im so glad they only count the days you actually use for the trial)#like last week and just havent had the time/energy to try it out#excited about that!#as well as taking the bus again ironically#its been too long lol#anywho#amber's shit you can ignore
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very busy babysitting a duo of kittens (only two months old) the last few days but i shall be drawing when i return home (this includes requests)
and also if anyone wants to see the babies send an ask and i can post them in response hehe i have taken SO many photos
#yew branch#also i just missed a step on the stairs going down and ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow#i am now trapped on the couch until my back stops exploding at least a bit#upside tho is that the kittens are playing together on the couch#sometimes right on my lap!! theyre so so so so cute#i adore them#BUT YEAH i shall be drawing when i return home provided my back allows me to sit upright by that time#bc it sure isnt rn GDJSGJS#im sad ill have to go home tho.. these kittens are some of the cutest beasts alive#life is worth living because every day kittens are playing and having fun#i miiiiiiight be able to indirectly take one#one of my best friends might possibly be able/willing to take one and keep her with her own cat for me#until i move out of my parents house mid next year#so i might get to have... kitten that ive watched grow up from newborns...#the story behind these kittens is that one of my other best friends took in a stray and she turned out to be pregnant#and had these two!!#im also watching the three adult cats in this house but theyre not nearly as much of a handful#as can be imagined this friend is very tired of having 5 cats in the house regardless of how small two of them are GDJSVSN#which is very very understandable#i dont think i would want five cats unless i had a fairly large house. if i had a large house and plenty of free time most of each day#to give them play time and tons of affection#as well as the physical ability to keep up with them all#then id gladly have five cats#who knows maybe someday ill have a nice big house and plenty of spare time and my ddd will be under control#but that doesnt seem likely#aside from ddd being managed! because i have a pain relieving steroid injection tomorrow and then ill be starting physical therapy!!#im excited and i have a lot of hope for at least the physical therapy to help#PLUS THEY HAVE A POOL FOR PHYSICAL THERAPY!!!!!!! AND I LOVE SWIMMING ESPECIALLY AS A GENTLE WORKOUT#and low impact things are very important for my body specifically i cant do high impact exercise or itll hurt me#plus i just love being in water i swear i was meant to be an aquatic elf from dnd
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I do believe it's bedtime 😌
#am sleepy#its early for me but im zonked#got a lot done today!! very products day of cleaning 😤#we've been slacking but we cleaned the wjole apartment and went through laundry and got some things we needed#finally mopped and it feels so cleeeen :3#i had a few things i wanted to do tonight but my brain is sayin nope#sorry my blog will just be queued old art the next few days lol -- i have lots to queue soon#my tuesday night class is canceled so im excited for a free night then >:3#i have no desire to go to work tomorrow so that will help adfgbnnj#hope everyones doing well 😎#rose rambles
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guys tomorrow is my last day of my first year of 3d animation . im sooooo tired but really excited and nervous
#wind howls#i hope i did well in all my final projects....#tomorrow i finish my animation final#and then my 2d-3d final (sculpture final) and then im FREE#well more or less. i have a blood draw appointment at nearly 9 am the next day but i was able to book it real nearby so its all good !#and on fridays i am going to cook a meal i like even if it kills me. mark my fucking words.#and next week is the graduation night for the 3rd years and my friends and i are volunteers so we get to hang out at a cool event#and start networking... even if slightly. i will be serving drinks mostly :)#im actually excited for that ! and hanging out with my school friends. im real sad that some of them wont return next year#but im also real happy for them bc theyve found other programs that do make them happy#so even if theyre not here i will be happy for them. and we have a discord server so im always nearby at least !#excited and nervous... but above all.#above it all. i am so fucking sleepy
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Gonna treat myself to some yummy peanut M&Ms today when I get home from work<3
#cant wait yall dont even know#i loooovveeeee peanut M&Ms so much and its been ages since i got some#im gonna get one of those big bags of it!#then after tomorrow I will be FUCKING FREE for a hot ass minute from work#i wasnt originally scheduled so many days this week then things happened and they needed a hand and i could use the money#peanut m&ms today...haircut tomorrow#so SOOOOO excited to get my haircut ibe been wanting one for absolute ages months now and i know exactly what i want#i will be so relived whem i get it. i cant stand the way my hair looks right noe#ive never been given a bad haircut by a stylist before..that i remmeber so knock on would that i jinx how this one goes#tho i have been given the “i want my hair super short like this!!” and then they give me like a bob cut that i didnt ask for and that-#-that stuff lites a fire under my ass infuriates me. so hopefully that dont happen either#LIVIN ON DREAMS AND PRAYERS FOR TOMORROWS HAIRCUT!! UAHAHDJAJDF
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if my immunity system decided not to work then why should i
#i am so MAD#i am sick AGAIN like it's the 5th time since JUNE!!!! its not fever and antibiotics this time but i feel like shit#and i can't breathe and just want to sleep and i am constantly COLD#but like i have to live through it#because the worst part is it happens on my off days#when i have days off my body decides to get sick so i can't enjoy the free time and it's making me SO MAD#its gotten to the point it's almost unbelievable#personal#sorry but#i am so angry#because normally I'd enjoy two days with my family but TALKING HURTS and my nose is leaking and i can't breathe#and i have a 6 hour train journey ahed of me tomorrow and then a concert#and normally I'd be thrilled!!! like yay exciting day#but im just so fucking weak and tired#god let me live a little
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new apartment tomorrow new apartment tomorrow
#im so excited but nervous and happy and scared im gonna eat myfist#everythign is packed :> + we have the keys#tomorrow is gonna be so busy and work is gonna suck the next day but!!#ive worked so hsrd for this. after getting evicted and losing my parents and living w a less than great roommate for FOUR. YEARS#im finally moving in officially wih my girlfriend and we will have our own place and itll just be so freeing.#its nice and clean and we can finally like. build our life together.#im just HSHSHDHS so many emotions guys im 23 amd everything makes me cry#if u read his and we've been mutuals or you've followed me for a long time. thank u fkr sticking w me. i didnt think id make it this far#getting my own apartment (+ a new car since we had to junk ours but w/e) is huge. i didnt even think id make it past high school lol#im just proud of myself i guess. i got bad mental illness but i still Did It.#yay
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this weekend is gonna be so much fucking fun.....friday night im getting drunk and binging dead to me and then saturday im going to a wedding
#im less excited about the wedding itself and more about the possibility of free food after#and also tomorrow im hanging out with some friends i made#these next few days will be great#im so happy#i really think things are getting better for me
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God that mood where you both need to do stuff and want to do stuff but both needs are vague and have too many options so you just. Do nothing you want or need to do and realize all the time you had is disappearing. A good time!!!
#haeroniel talks#forget the tag oh well#but for real. had 4 days off work and a ton of real life stuff i both have to get done and have been meaning to get done for a long time#ive pretty much only played video games and called my friends. genuinely not time wasted and i love when i get to do that#and like rn i would love to play more games and spend time with my friends like if one offers you know i never say no#but its also already getting dark and i have to go back to work tomorrow and ive not done everything i promised to have done yknow?#time doesnt feel real and i dont wanna get up even if the anxiety slowly builds to hopefully productive panic#but in the mean time im like ugghh i wanna stop laying around just playing sudoku and watching lame youtube. i wanna play something#(unclear what it is i actually wanna play too many options i kinda wanna play all of them and none huehheh)#im also very sad i havent drawn in ages and any attempt just feels shit. like maybe if i read enough fanfic thatll respark the love.#id love to post something before christmas to get me excited to draw again over the break but who the hell knows if i'll manage#and yeah still have the annoying job related/driving school related/therapy applying/other life admin that really really should be done#im just being grouchy and stuck and need to vent hi tumblr love you all kiss kiss i wish i could function better#i think maybe perhaps. ill concede that driving school and therapy arent priority (important but ive wasted ages on them already)#i think i can do work related things bc theyre sort of fun. i can use my parents help to whack through the life admin and then#maybe i can let myself spend the rest of the evening guilt free either calling my friends and/or playing or if im going totally w drawin
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how is it already the 18th OMG the finalo being released on streaming platforms too. ITS been a whole year holy shit.
#its 18th so that means its almost the 19th aaajshahahUJuauuauaujauau#i actually was supposed to work tomorrow but there's no way. im gonna be an emotional mess so im skipping it 🐈⬛#also on the 20th im going to a funeral ahahaa how ironic#and then the 21st announcement IM PISSING MY PANTS IM SO SCARED but excited#hopefully ill have some free time in these next few days.#Ily BT and acchan thank u for not making me kms even when things are so hard#Im so busy and exhausted im literally sleepwalking#i miss spending so much time w. my fave band and i feel so lonely irl#i miss my mom too#it was her d🐈⬛🐈⬛th anniversary 2 days ago and i feel so sorry. i was so occupied by work i almost forgot#i love you mom im sorry i couldnt even go to the cemetery this time around. When ill be at the funeral ill make sure to visit#please protect her too#ive been really touch deprived and really helpless. i wish youd come home and stroke my hair and tell me its gonna be alright. I always tel#myself that at 20 i shouldnt be so reliant on my parents#but i dont know how to become an adult honestly#i wish someone would show me#i want someone to tell me it wont always be so dark and exhausting#ive always been independent#but i just need my mommy now honestly#i miss you so much#i should get ready for work! I love you please kiss acchan for me too#and issay and all the others in heaven#Im sorry all for being so stupid here again. I feel so terrible for not visiting her grave on a special day because I WAS SO BUSY#please dont take away my only joy man#i cant continue working if i cant even say hi to mom and Acchan ahhah#man im gonna be late#love you all#hopefully in the next few days ( tomorrow) ill give some life signals#things are not good! but ill hope theyll be better soon
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LAST TEST TOMORROOOOOOOWWWWW LET'S GOOOOOOO !!!!
#im finally free from this nightmare#well... i will be tomorrow#im so excited to be able to do fuck all FOR DAYS#YESSSSSS
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my overall goals for this break are:
reading at least 3 books
running 6-8 miles/day or every other day depending on weather/pain
cooking for myself every meal
#im so excited dude#turning in my linear alegebra exam tomorrow and then im free...#going to run. make breakfast. shower + tape. finish + turn in exam. laundry + bedding. then going to a friends for dinner and sleepover#then we're going to the city for a day !!! ^_^#then back on my shit#canis speaks#every other break felt like dying alone for 1000 years. this time im ready im excited
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