#im done. im over the human experience not that anyone fucking cares

[badcountryofficial]

I'll just substance abuse and kms I guess since no one wants to listen to me 🤪🤪

[uh-oh-its-bird]

Hi there take some unsolicited starwars fic ideas that Im literally never going to fully write but am agressivley thinking about anyways

Summary:

A ghost sits in the emperor's shadow. Teeth bared, eyes sharp, lying in wait.

Tldr; Fox is killed by Palpatine but at this point his soul has been fucked with by dark force shit(tm) so much that he's able to linger on as a half-there remnant

When Luke confronts Palpetine some more weird force shit(tm) happens and Fox is able to manifest in time to kill the bitch, and by eating his soul (???) he gains the power to manifest more fully as some sort of very much *not* human force,,, *thing*

Also Cody and Obi-Wan are still alive and also are sickeningly in love because fuck you that's why

I need you to imagine Sunshine Luke holding up Clearly Not Normal Fox like

"!!!!!! Look what I found!!!!!!"

"Luke he ate the emperor"

"Ok and?"

This also means Darth Vader is alive so he's just kind of Awkwardly standing there in the corner like

🧍‍♂️ "Commander Fox. I am." *heavy breathing.* "Pleased to see you survived."

"I didn't."

*More heavy breathing*

No clue how that'd go but it'd go SOMEWHERE

Maybe Fox wanted to eat him too but has some sort of weird pity for him after watching over the Emperor's shoulder for so many years. They're both Palpatine's fucked up little experiments, even if Fox can identity exactly what went wrong a LOT better than Anakin. Hell, they actually possibly interacted some before Fox got axed, maybe they were almost friends. Got that good old 'unspoken understanding' energy where they make eye contact once in a while and just kind of nod and look away.

Thinking also ab how the rebels are either, totally off put and don't trust him at all or *Oh wow well he killed the emperor for us!!! But he's also uhh. Kind of a freak. But he killed the emperor, so???* or just full throttle *He killed!!! The emperor!!! My favorite boy!!!! Look at him go!!!!! Eldrich who?? I don't care I am in LOVE!!!!*

Fox getting all this love and support from some VERY eager and thankful rebels. He's one of them now!! No take backs!!!!

Also Luke has absoloutley claimed him as his own. Cool powerful clone commander??? Sort of friends with his dad??? Killed the emperor??? Luke NEEDS them to be friends. Leia is a bit more hesitant at first but warms up quickly, and Han is Han so he probably makes some noise ab it but the second he hears anyone say shit he's ready to throw down.

I'm actually a personal fan of 'being half force means Anakin was a 'lill otherworldly and that otherness definatley passed down to his kids' so maybe Palpatine's experiments had to do with trying to shove some of that specific otherworldliness into Fox, and it kind of resonates with the twins. They see him and just go *!!!! Oh???? One of us???*

Han in the bg with his own weird force null thing and his close relationship with the twins just. Not really sensing anything wrong. He's grown even number to weird otherness and eldrich force vibes, Fox is a bit odd to him but he just can't see what the fuss is about. Everyone needs to calm the fuck down smh

And Fox ofc just standing there covered in blood as he's suddenly receiving all this positive attention and support like *I don't know how to feel about any of this.*

Part of him wants to just. Return to the shadows. He's done his part now. He wants to rest. Let the man SLEEP he's fucking earned it

Anyways this is definatley inspired more than a little by @wreathedinscales's Corrie Red AU, which you should absoloutley read if you like anything eldrich and anything Fox

[oxygenbefore1775]

Ok so what's my interpretation of this line aside from the obvious one that Zeke is an evil-evil narcissistic self-absorbed piece of shit who cares for nothing but to spurn Levi ofc (im being facetious)

disclaimer: this is pretty cut-and-dry as the most of Zeke's motivation was lifted from the manga panels i.e. not speculated on by the likes of me

Just to be clear, Zeke doesn't say this out of the blue or just cuz he's in an insulting mood — it's a direct response to Levi's words preceding this, not a throwaway comment made to pull wool over Levi's eyes

Going back to the beginning of the ch 110, this whole interaction starts with Zeke retelling the events of the Ragako village to Levi — something that he's done a couple of times already — only to be accused of remorselessness by Levi later

It's only then that Zeke replies with:

In general, Zeke doesn't really care what people think of him or his motivations with Eren being the exception. He never tries to convince anyone of his euthanasia plan justness (hell, he doesn't reveal it to the majority of people *because* he knows they'll never understand and thus be approving of it). As seen in the panels from ch 113 below, Zeke believes that no one aside from Eren and himself is capable of understanding that's why he doesn't bother making them understand

(and it's not like Zeke says these words to be edgy or something — he's monologuing so there's no reason for him to lie or exaggerate when there's no one for him to hear that, this monologue is exclusively for the reader to take in)

Levi's opinion is of no value to Zeke. If it was, then Zeke would have made an attempt of justifying his position like he did with Eren. But he never did in the span of his entire involuntary stay in the forest. A month-long opportunity and never once did Zeke deign to use it to tell Levi about the events in his past that led him to the creation of the euthanasia plan. Because Zeke doesn't see it as necessary.

Levi tries to figure out Zeke, though. I suppose this is why Levi asks Zeke about Ragako a couple of times already, it's not the first instance that he hears this account from Zeke. Time and time again, all to come to the same conclusion — that is, that Zeke is not riddled with any guilt whatsoever. And as much as Levi is justified in his attempt to understand the motives of a person whose worldview goes against every value that Levi holds dear when it comes to human life — but his judgement is based solely on the previous interactions he's had with Zeke + Zeke's account of the Ragako village attack. And suffice to say all their previous interactions weren't really conducive to creating a fruitful conversation between them since the majority of times they met was in a battle.

(trying so hard not to sound like a Zeke apologist but—) Zeke does care about human lives in his own twisted way. As someone who's so fucked up in the head to think that death is the ultimate mercy, he truly believes he makes those he killed a great favor by ridding them of their painful existence.

All of this Levi could've learned but never does — all of his conclusions about Zeke are drawn from his very limited experience of interacting with Zeke (atp they had only 2-3 brief conversations which mainly consists of them trading taunts). Not that he is obliged to — Levi has enough reasons to judge Zeke for his actions yet he assumes Zeke's intentions and judges them too.

As per this post, the Japanese version intended Zeke's line about women to be a comment on Levi's social skills, how his ill-based notion about someone's motivations is making him out to sound unlikable. Hence it's followed by 'Don't act you understood someone else's thoughts'. Because in Zeke's mind, Levi never understood Zeke's thoughts/intentions.

Zeke thinks that no one is capable of understanding him or his intentions. That's why he doesn't appreciate Levi attempting to do it (and erroneously so) and shuts him down.

[hexitca]

Rant about Puritan fandom culture!

Well I typed it on twitter but then I had more to say so tumblr it is!

Under read more

WARNING: Long as fuck

Here's some pics

I know I basically said the author of Heartstopper "brought it on themselves" but yea they kinda did.

You can disagree with BL/Yaoi you can hate the shipping discourse or shipping in fandom in general but you cant frame it in a "i hate [that] bc it's sinful/fetishistic and I'M ABOVE THAT BC I'M WHOLESOME AND BETTER THAN THOSE DISGUSTING SHIPPERS"

bc that's gonna bite you in the ass...as it is doing now. The fucking image of their character's google history is so tame and normal, esp in LGBTQ+ spaces! Yet they are being called a pedo? Crazy. In the end, you only hurt yourself!

I never bothered with HS bc i just wasnt interested in it but thats just my preference. It's sad to see ppl, esp young ppl, turn on a series of LGBTQ+ representation just bc of the author's past (or current? idk) stance on the BL/Yaoi or MLM or whatever genre just bc their stance wavered a bit in a simple comic image. Something that is so fucking normal also! but they will grow up and realized how limiting it is to restrict themselves just to appear pure within a group.

Yet the artists/writers/creators are traumatized by the witchhunt. I know I said the author brought it on themselves for supporting anti but damn I don't want them being accused of being a pedo! Or ANYTHING! NO ONE DESERVES THAT. I dont know anything about the author other than surface knowledge but at the end of the day, all this online shit, doesnt matter. It doesnt! Me saying that is ironic bc im typing this post up right now!

but it's something we care about! I care about fandom spaces, I care that creators are getting attack for something as mild as this even if they invited these ppl into their circle. We're human and we change our views a million times a fucking day. I could agree with one thing and disagree with it another. That's why anti discourse pisses me the hell off! It's just a bunch of bullies looking to make themselves feel better by shaming others! I don't respect that type of behavior. And I hate that they just run around saying shit like "kys" over a two characters fucking?!? It amazes me beyond words.

Fandom has never been without its discourse. But the puritan bullshit is not even fandom discourse, it's just straight up bullying and harassment. It doesnt take much to tailor your fandom spaces to your preferences, i should know ive been in fandom spaces since I was fucking 13 years old. I didn't explore nsfw/porn/anything until I wanted to when I was 18. That is MY personal experience. I never put that on anyone else BUT MYSELF. If I saw nsfw and didnt want to see it I blocked the person. Not make a fucking witch hunt out of it. You are in charge of keeping YOURSELF in check not some person who shared nsfw art/fanfic. How fucking hard is it to turn the "don't show me nsfw" toggle on??? Bc it's not about that. Y'all just wanna be mad and be above someone so why not ppl minding their own business.

And guess what? There ARE ppl who are bad and support nsfw art/writing. They fucking suck. They are outliers and deserve to be called out when they get exposed. But many times, ppl always go "see i told you all the ppl in THAT fandom were pedos/freaks/etc" hmmm sounds like when conservatives go "see...that queer person turned out to be bad, SO all queer ppl are bad" DO YOU GET IT?? It never works out with that line of thinking. You are harming innocent ppl minding their own business. You are harming yourselves when you grow the fuck up and realize that "OH actually...I am curious about sex" and have ppl who you thought were your friends eat your face. PLS wake the fuck up.

If you're an anti:

I hope you recover from that

go fuck yourself

if you're offended by me saying "go fuck yourself", pls take that as a sign to log off the internet and go touch grass. As someone who has done that many of times, it's very refreshing.

[askfallenroyalty]

I just read the surprise/early update and the sound I made followed by "Torielllll....! :(" after I finished... the anguish I felt is indescribable. This poor, poor woman, if only she knew why this feeling of not knowing what is "real" was because of the resets... You captured the feelings of terror, discombobulation, and bewilderment perfectly. A perfect punch in the gut!

oof yeah i feel in hindsight Toriel learning about the timelines was under-explored. ALSO SORRY IM RAMBLY TONIGHT LOL i just feel like talkin at lenght so apologies for all the long posts past midnight aslfkjasdlf. also THANK YOU for all ur kind asks i don't always answer cause when i get nice asks i like looking at them often but that means i don't respond ;o;

Her reaction is to care about how Asriel must of felt using the power (and granted, in the tumblr version she doesn't know/understand the fact that Asriel was Flowey for a long time before being revived as Asriel. Though in the redraw she's going to learn earlier.) anyway she's like, oh, that must been tough on Asriel ): how lonely

but like??? now i realize she'd have permanent deja vu from all the reloads that weren't erased with a true reset. (which, in AFR universe, isn't even a guarantee) she's suffered from this ability, more so than anyone else as she's the only one to truly know all the kids who've come through the Ruins. (Asgore is also the only other guaranteed one, but uh, we already know his... baggage... with the reloads...)

anyway when she finds out, she's going to go "ok? insane but you have scientific evidence let me adjust to this wild new information" to "wait wait were those unstable years when the kids fell REAL? my kids actually DID kill me? HELLO?" and that's going to be. interesting to explore!

i feel like it could even be an EARLY reveal! I feel like Hol specifically is going to want to apologize for what they did. And now that I have opportunity to explore how Asriel is going to explain the age-up is more than just "oh yeah i was a flower for a while" cause. Toriel KNOWS the amalgamate experiments are (vaguely) recent. She fired Dr.Alphys over it. She knows the details now. So Asriel's explanation of being a flower for years in secret makes no damn sense if they've grown to 16 years old when they died at 12.

So yeah, that's going to be something that'll be pushed to a boiling point in the next chapter(s). HOW exactly is she going to handle all this??? like obviously, she's not going to treat this the same if this were adults committing these horrible acts. they're children. Toriel will continue to love them and forgive them because it truly is not the same situation as it would be with, say, Asgore making the calcuatled decision to murder innocent people. like Hol thinking they're some adventurer badass and killing a monster is very much different from that. (and yeah Asgore is more complicated as it relates to war and the barrier and all that bla bla)

Anyway rambling aside i really really look forward to exploring this. cause like, frankly, toriel canonically has all that angsty bs that people put on sans (when he doesn't even remember reloads or gets killed except last minute in no mercy runs 🙄) like toriel had 6 human kids who canonically reloaded around her. give me THAT angst and exploration of that's consequences. I like getting the chance to explore more of Toriel's psychology, baggage and her journey to moving past that. i'm really sad we don't get to see how toriel improved as a mother and person in AFR but rather just that she did. now we get to!!! fuck yeah!

but yeah god what a horrifying, truly awful thing to experience. like on one hand, she must be relieved "oh so there's nothing actually wrong with my reality i don't have a life altering memory related mental illness (yet)" but also "oh so that was all real and i can never truly look at these kids without knowing they've done something truly, truly unforgivable to me. (but i will forgive them)"

AND NOW i'm thinking that toriel had to been told by flowey at some point what they've done to her too. in one of those reloads, flowey likely confessed to get a reaction from her. after the shock of it, she'd pretend it didn't bother her to forgive them. and that'd build up resentment because Flowey doesn't want to be forgiven, they want punishment and consequences and for it to have mattered.

just. AUGH. so many thoughts on this its killing me inside

[chryblossomjjk]

hi kiki !!! im pretty new here and this is the first ask i’ve sent but i just wanted to pop in and say how much i adore not only ur writing but just u in general !! both practice and imagine are incredible n i could go on and on about how much comfort ive found in ur writing and ur characters but we’d be here for DAYS… weeks even 🫣 idk how to explain this exactly but u do such a wonderful job at making the story and the characters so beautifully human… like ofc most stories keep it as realistic as possible but when i read urs i literally feel like im living the experience or watching the ppl i love from the sidelines yk?? its just so REAL and RAW and i cant get enough. when i tell u practice couple have me by the NECK like ive reread it so many times already and i find something new to love about it every single time !!! i hope everyone finds a love like theirs, truly.

and as for u, U ARE SOOO PRECIOUS. ive spent the last few days catching up on kiki lore just bc i wanted to get to know u better aside from ur works and u have stolen my heart actually !! ur so funny and down to earth and i can tell just how much u love writing and interacting with everyone and something about u and ur page is so warm and cozy and refreshing 🥺 i hope ur taking care and that u always find things that bring u joy in every day, even if it’s something little!! u deserve all the good things this world has to offer and as a new follower i cant wait to see what the future has in store for u and im so happy to experience this little journey!! and i hope u never forget how loved n valued u are, u have a beautiful heart and dont let anyone ever tell u otherwise!!

ill wrap this up bc ive already made this so long but thank u for all that u do 🥺🫂🫶🏻 u work so hard to create these amazing stories for us and i hope u know we will never take that for granted ! always remember to rest and put ur health first, i know life can get crazy so it’s important that u look after urself !!!

p.s. - so excited for the weekend i could pee my pants. u have no idea.

not sure what emoji i should go by in ur asks… hmm… maybe ⭐️? or is that taken already?

lots of love to u!!

ummm soooooo

idk what tf i've done to be deserving of such a sweet message but im literally tearing up while writing smut what have u do to me friend akejndajdnsajn

first of all, thank you so much for being here and sending in such a sweet fucking ask. i hope you're enjoying your time on here so far my love!!

and this is probably one of the biggest compliments ive ever recieved about my writing. its so reassuring so thank you so so so so much ugh! its so incredibly difficult to make things feel/sound realistic. i often mull over the same scene and dialogue over and over and over again, wondering if the conversations feel normal, or if the dialogue feels right for that specific character, so your comment literally means everything to me!! and it makes me so happy that you care about the characters like im literally fucking gushing!!

AND EXCUSE U NO YOU YOU'RE PRECIOUS AND YOU DESERVE EVERYTHING GOOD IN THE WORLD NO STFU YOU NOT ME YOUUUUUU!!!!

I LOVE YOU SO DEARLY!!!

i generally feel like i am a very annoying n extra human being lol so thank you for sticking through n reading my posts and yeah :'(( i do really love interacting with people on here and i try my best to make this blog feel as safe and inviting as possible so im it makes me saur soft that you feel that way and ugh i cant i dont even know what to say other than i love u sm my lil star friend :'))

[isalabells]

You and @notajoinerofthings are my number one Drei Fragezeichen source. So one is for you. I hope you have fun! We all have done the best and worst ddf episodes. So lets get a bit more specific: episodes for long travels, guilty pleasures, holiday favs, over the top episodes, ridiculous episodes, cringeworthy but entertaining, cozy mystery mood, darkest episodes, strong bromance vibes, best villain (can be more than one), fucked with your head, best plot, best ending and/or beginning, scariest episodes and whatever other category you might wanna add. :)

Ohh, anon, I did have a lot of fun with this indeed, thank you! I doubt you or anyone reading this will tho, bc I always give the same answers. I tried breaking out of my pattern a bit, but wasn't every successful. We covered a lot of silly episode discussions, true, incl. favorite MaSo episodes and best atmospheric ones. Gonna say Thank You for this honor, also on behalf of @notajoinerofthings even though we cab probably both agree that we don't deserve it, bc our involvment with DDF sure has seen better days. (I did listen to the newest release tho, whatsitcalled, und die Gesetzlosen. Because they baited me with a horse on the cover. Fell asleep to it twice and woke up to Bob monologuing each time. Was then told that they cut the part where they explain what the horse is all about. Thx for nothing, Europa.)

episodes for long travels: Gonna start by being a disappointment right away bc when I want travel and holiday episodes, I turn to TKKG!! But DDF does road trips fairly well. So how about und der unsichtbare Gegner & Straße des Grauens. Toteninsel, too, for the real adventure kick. Feuerturm & Geister-Canyon bc I love when they drive up to one of the national parks. guilty pleasures: I don't have guilty pleasures, only Big Pleasures!! If we go by what's often perceived as guilty pleasure by others tho, it'd probably be the entirety of the Crime Busters for me. And Mann ohne Kopf!! holiday favs: Same problem. It's tough when these kids barely experience any seasonal weather bc they never leave California. It's even tougher when you don't like their Christmas special episodes (which I def don't). So you know my answer: as soon as December comes round, I'll start listening to Pistenteufel & Geisterstadt on loop for four to twelve weeks (I wish I was kidding....). If you want even more snow, throw in Tödliches Eis bc I remember that one being decent as well. over the top episodes: Aren't they all LMAO That's the entry level requirement for being a DDF episode! Might pick Comic-Diebe bc it pokes a lot of fun at artists and fans, in a way that hits too close to home at times, but it does so with love!

ridiculous episodes: Die Karten des Bösen!! I don't care that it's a pretend case to distract our three heroes. Minninger went full out with e v e r y t h i n g and it's a complete overload: Tarot. Crazy old cat lady. Mad scientist. Murdered cat. Cryonics and resurrection of the (human) body. Alleged death of a client. DIE VERDAMMTEN ATOMSTROMGEGNER!! What even IS any of this?!? Hexen-Handy is as campy as it gets. Also Im Bann des Voodoo bc can you believe there was a time when Minninger wrote both a book and a script FOR A KIDS BOOK SERIES that featured a band called Wet Boys and a producer named Al Parker, which are both constantly mentioned throughout the episode, and they just... let him fsjdkjfkgklfg. cringeworthy but entertaining: Fußball-Gangster & Verdeckte Fouls!!! Actually, I don't think the former is bad at all, on the contrary, it's BJHW proving once again that she is a prophet, exploring topics and issues which couldn't be more pressing in the year 2023. It's just that Justus' cousin (Jimboy-Jonas wtf?!??) is very cringe and so is the sequence where the boys get distracted by this self-heating food packaging (I love it but it's so freaking dumb lmao). Verdeckte Fouls is especially cringe bc the main guest actor is... not a voice actor at all. And bc of all the cringy shit they do with the football club and player names. (once again: I LOVE it!!! But it is very silly.) Can't even pick that one for most ridic or over the top episode bc the whole plot of ominous sect infiltrating a sports club is based on real life happenings fsjdkdkf cozy mystery mood: Karpatenhund. Spuk im Hotel. Der tote Mönch. Die Spur des Raben. Haus des Schreckens. Das Erbe des Meisterdiebs. Das Auge des Drachen. Die Villa der Toten. Der Fluch des Drachen. Due verschwundene Seglerin. Der heimliche Hehler. I complain so much, all the time, but they have TONS of highly enjoyable episodes that do cozy mystery with just a touch of action incredibly well!!

darkest episodes: Every ep that deals with how utterly cruel humans can be to each other, out of pettiness or jealousy or fear, or bc of old resentments. Less for personal enrichment but for vengeance. Utterly fascinating to me whenever one of the writers manages to make that the core of a story. Minni and Marx in particular seem to have a knack for that, see Stimmen aus dem Nichts & Villa der Toten. I'm sure there's more but I can't think of any rn. strong bromance vibes: That's easy: Bob & Kelly! With Just & Kelly as a close second! I also believe that Kelly & Peter will remain besties all their life, even after their breakup (which will happen bc this is just a high school romance); they care about each other and are an important part of each other's life, and their friendship is gonna outlast any romantic feelings. Honestly, they all adore Kelly, and they all vibe with her. And Kelly would do anything for them, 9 out of 10 times. Just look how often she helped them out on one of their stupid cases!! (Bob & Jelena would work too, but alas, I'm a Bob/Jelena-is-endgame truther, so there's always that special spark that makes them more than besties.) (Peter & Jelena does not work bc I headcanon that while Peter likes her a lot, he's also a tiny bit scared of her.) best villain (can be more than one): I answered that here as well, and still stand by my picks. However, I would like to add the mad siblings Joseph & Rachel Hadden. It's been a while, but I remeber coming out of my last Toteninsel reread being severely disappointed that a) Marx didn't do more with them and b) we never saw them again. Their criminal energy was off the charts, in different ways, and they were both pretty unhinged. A lot of potential and a nice opportunity to let our three boys dip their toes back into corporate crime shenanigans like back in the BJHW era. They also have another Good Sister, Anne, whose moral compass may be intact but who's equally as crazy bc she sure was ready to go to whacky lengths to stop her siblings. I just want more of this very rich and extremely shady cutthorat family! fucked with your head: Wolfsgesicht! Probably one of the most clever episodes in general. The entire episode is designed to fuck with you and get under your skin (and the text itself even explains this to you). There's such an eerie quality to those letters. I always thought the psychological theory explored in this ep is somehow the equivalent to the use of modality in the fantastic (Phantastik): toying with the ways language can express various relationships to reality and truth, showcasing how your mind will always fill in the blanks and jump to some kind of (false) conclusion. I had c h i l l s the first time I listened to Bob realizing this might be about an assassination attempt. Personally, I am also lowkey fascinated by Katharina Fischer's short writing stint: she came, she served, she fucked off when she was out of ideas. Iirc the ideas for both of her stories came about while she was sitting a lecture, and ain't that the most relatable thing ever.

best plot: Idk about his more recent releases, but until his gradn re-entrance with Spur des Spielers, I don't think there's a single book by André Marx that has a shitty plot. They might not always be brilliant, but all his stories are at least decent and well-thought-through. Let's go with Feuermond bc what he accomplishes there in terms of engaging crime plot + bringing back old characters + adding more depth and emotion + picking up old storylines is ASTONISHING!! Complex, yet not convoluted. You can tell he wrote the entire camping trip as a filler bc otherwise the trilogy would've been a book short, but it doesn't even matter! As far as trilogies go, I'll always be a Toteninsel girlie, but Feuermond is as neat as it gets! best ending and/or beginning: Answered the one for best endings here already. Best beginning is a good albeit tricky one! I'm usually a fan of anything that doesn't start with the gd phone ringing (this pattern peaked with Toteninsel) or them hearing someone scream in the distance. Especially today where the exposition averages around 15 minutes, making sure you're already bored out of your mind before anything of significance has even happened. Not to be like that again, but TKKG really DOES have the better openings. Mainly bc they're not strictly confined to the pov of the three protagonist's. But also bc Wolf really was brimming with cool ideas and was always down for trying out something that reads more Adult instead of sticking to the formulaic. DDF has a few in medias res beginnings (every Europe trip ep starts that way iirc, and I love it, not knowing where they are or how tf they got there or what is going on), but they just can't compare to an opening where the patron saint of the kids gets shot while on a stakeout!! I do think the first 15 minutes of Schatz im Bergsee are the best of the entire series, but I am not particularly fond of the plane crash sequence which i s the immediate opening. So pass on that. Haus des Schreckens could be good, but it drags on and on and has lost all its momento once they get to the punchline. Gonna go with Im Bann des Vodoo (Minni combining his two fav things, horror & gay porn); Späte Rache (honestly? Peter getting capture inside his car... listen to that w/o any context and it takes on a completely different meaning... Also I'm always down for Peter & Kelly hanging out and going clubbing!); Stimmen aus dem Nichts which is a lame and common thing to say, but it IS a good one, and Minninger, for all his shortcomes, usually has very strong openings. scariest episodes: Im Bann des Voodoo for early adolescence nostalgia (even tho I talk about why that might be Problematic here.) And I vaguely recall Der verschollene Pilot being one of the newer episodes that actually did make me feel uneasy when I first listened to it (I was in the middle of a dark forest tho!! But iirc some of my girlies on here said they had a similar reaction so yeah!)

[shmingleping]

I can't do this shit anymore. I just can't take it. I'm in the worst mental and emotional pain that I feel I've ever been in, and that says a fucking lot considering how bad it's gotten in the past. And im on my own with it. I don't know what to do with the massive amount of embarrassment, shame, guilt, and deep self-hatred. I don't feel it's possible to forgive myself and move forward from the fact that I completely fucked up my life; not only that but I did nothing about it for over 10 years which just allowed me to get worse and worse without fully knowing how badly I ruined myself until now, all just because I was afraid of doing the simple things people have to face everyday knowing they were probably unsure and scared as well but knew it would only be temporary and that that jump into the unknown wouldn't last forever and would actually lead them to more happiness than they ever thought possible. How can I forgive myself for ruining the years of my life that are usually dedicated to finding yourself, having new interesting experiences, learning so much more than what just a classroom could teach, going out of your comfort zone, and making the kind of friends you usually get to have for a lifetime? I can't. I can't tell myself that it's ok that I didn't get to do that, most especially because I'm the entire reason why it didn't happen. I've been alone for so long, that anytime anyone, like random strangers or someone from my past pops up in my life (whether their doing or by my seeking them out) I try so hard to hold on to them in such a way that I become the worst possible toxic kind of person who more than likely ends up driving them away by my words or actions... even if they treated me poorly at some point I am willing to take any kind of human interaction that isnt from the only person I actually have in my life (my mom) . Who I love (do I even now what love is? I feel like I'm just a fake, selfish, manipulative piece of shit person) She's so kind to me but I don't deserve it. By fucking up my life I unintentionally ended up completely ruining hers too. She isn't living the life she wants, and that's so fuckjng unfair of me to do to her, especially when I take into account the shit she had to deal with in her life before I took her dreams and threw them away simply because I was selfish and scared and fucking stupid. I hate myself. Even if somehow for whatever reason all of that could be "fixed" I still wouldn't be able to move passed those emotions of hate toward myself. I hate the way I look. Everything from head to toe is grotesque. I'm fuckibg disgusting. No amount of healthy food or workouts and weight loss will make that change. My mind and personality are also such shit I can't stand it. I just want to crawl into the enormous hole I started digging for myself 12 years ago and never have to come out. My life will never be what I wish it was. I've done too much damage and wasted too much time. I was doomed from the start just by being who I am. I just wish I could cease to exist without hurting anyone (aka mom; no one else will care I i can promise you that). I fucking hate myself so much I can physically feel it. I shouldn't exist. I should have never have existed. Fuckjng kill me.

[solardick]

U I O

Mommy, I’m afraid. I’ve never said mommy before. I don’t want to go. Through another change. I don’t know anyone here. Everyone’s French. I’m always singled out. But- I don’t want to go.

God damned man. Yes, yes I am. Thanks for noticing. It’s rare in fleeting moments to see that from a passing stranger.

Everything is evil. There’s nothing in life for me.

Oh wait. There already is another girl. Lol. Like a transition girl. I liked the way she talked. Redhead. Which was already brought up a couple times. The forst time. I was like what? Why would i care? No whatevwr. Privably druged that coffee today. Hopenit doesnt keep me up all night. Sleep is the onyl time the world stops and there nothing. Intil i opne them again.

Maybe ho bsck to art instead of watching everyone in existsnce pretend to be someone they ate not. No human interaction at all. Since all my availibale social means arent very trustworthy are they.

And honestly. I dotn like redhead dna. Oh my god im - racist. Time ti take anothwr beating.

Naw man, i may look all sexy and manly and all. And i may look all smart and all to everyones spite. But now. Im actually just sma fully receptive woman. I have no cock. Im net here to f@&$. Im here to be fuckd. Learn to enjoy it. 39 years andcoubtibg. It never gonna be different. Buy a couple dildos. And get an anema bag. Shave head to toe. Body hair is a turn off and i want to be a sexy as i can. Make my man. Or men happy. Live a sacrificial life. And not build myself up. Just be fully sexual. No need to connect to anyone. I just need so e dick. With wahte ever they injected me with covid. Choice is mych taken away anyway. And i qant to feel proud of my accomplishments. Even if that means getting them off. I want to be thanked and encouraged. Too bad i cant bear you children. Im baren. Cause indotn have a womb. So inlose anyway. I cant hive that to you. And it makes me sad. They bette rhave huge cocks cause. Your pussy little 6 inch isnt enough. Do ‘t want uou being smallesr than me. That be a turn off. Since thats the onyl part that matter. The rets of it. Is just gross.

Was enjoying the experience of the feminine mentality. In a safe secure way. But then they raped my spyche.

Not like i have any experience being masculine in any other way than object placement. Not allowed to be. Just the destructive, evil side where “instinct” has full control. Sangerous stuff but whatever. I remember how i was. And it sickens my heart. There’s no control. Oh well im just a sick fuck that need to be fucked. Feed the desease. And not the cure. Thats all life has ever done. Sorry if i wanted soemthign different for once. To go with me “being on my own” away from degenerate violent sources coming from inside my own home. And shading everywhere else. I dont want to be alive anymore.

Yup. Ok.

Heres my “ new” identity. Im a total fag.

There going to keep doing this to me for the rest of my life aren’t they.

No, she back. The whole fucken shop is just fucken with me. What’s new? That’s all life is. Since my first memory.

Ill just keep doing wgat im doing until tgey fuck me back onto the street. Then hooefully ill have a rffle by tten that i can suck off until i blow my brains out.

I aint dealing with tjose ficken cocksuckers today. Give me a fuvken written punishment for heing abusef afain. Go for a walk and enjoy the sun.

Well ill have my IHF course completed soon enough. Takes a first step. And it gives me something to look forward to. A way out from being the devil’s bitch. Mmmnn the sun feels nice.

Go and treat myself. Sone lively dialogue with done pretty women. Sunshine. Well noy anymore. Cloudy. Pick up some more things. Wash my own back. It’ll be nice.

I walk in, there she is staring me down again. A guy, who abuses the term sans design or however its spelled. Your coffeees and ice cap or something. Because i carried it from timmy’s not in a thermos. Wasnt hot. Getting cool. Mostly drunk. Talking over and through her standing in between with her back tunerd only slightly showing the front. I pause. “ it will be once i get inside. Dudes hyped on speed getting straight to work while i calculate the sheet. And set up the work station. Already inside loading it up. Ok then. Helped the station beside me. Insulating rhe freezing from getting in. Poorly parked vans. Well im ready now. Lets go to work. Nope. Processing the mind rape games. Was left just standing around waiting. Getting more depressed by the minute. Sitting at the table. Dead. People wanted to see. So then ealked passed trying to be unassuming or whatever. But as soon as i got in and the office and saw me. Depressed. Gave a sigh of disappoitnemt. Like i should be in a good state. Yeah ok. Sure. So i left. I could barely function. I chose suicide.

What you fucken speedo. Getting mad at me cause im fucked. Yeah sure leave. Bye. Ill do the van myself. No? What your back? Who you gonna be positive and try and display a healthy bond. Ok. Thats cool. We can do that. But no. I was just left standing around. While not knowing the details about wtf? Crates? What you tlaking about. Ok ill just stand arounf for the next hour.

When it is enough, man. Or was i just born to be tossed around and damaged? 39 fucken years and counting.

Your nothing but a bad influence. Your nineties punk rock mentality. Negative associations to everything. Giving none smokers nicotine. Bitching about your cowerkers stupid bs. And then give them cigarettes. Your first approach to me was handing me a speed pill. I was flabergasted at what the fuck your were trying to do. Fist bump? Ok. No? What? Hand shake? Wtf? Ok. Oh your giving me somethign. Oh its drugs. Ok. Maybe one day if i ever needed it. Its cool that you chauffer me around. Even though i always insist that you didn’t. Thanks for the shit. Though. Its cool to have some furniture. And im polite and social with uou. But i dont like you.

Ill work with the dipshit. If he wasnt talkign about cocks and gay shit. Be militant.

There sidetracking accomplished. Stay the fuck away from everyone. Keep doing it till they toss you back int the sea again. You’d think that after all these years. Youd be a good swimmer. Naw. Inwas never a good swimmer. Its one of the only things i ever did poorly at. And and guitar. Lyricsl notes are beyond me.

And they’re never going to stop fucken with you. It’s for life. Born in hell. Tortured all the way through. Parent just equal violence. Brothers just equal violence. I apparently just equal sex. Theres no parents there. Just a fool for a father. Childlike. Being the youngest of a sized family. Temper tantrums and absence. Or stupid jokes. Like im a still baby. Mother is unstable. Freaking the fuck out in fits of bs. Never known a stable things. Homes, schools, jobs. Threats. Always threats. Growing in an oppression. Keep things to myself. The external always. Its always. I yeah. Nursery rhymes are olaying. You auto corrected to olaying.

[xclowniex]

I would like to take a swing.

Adding onto your 6th point, there was a literal experiment done by Stanly Milgram on following orders. He theorized that Nazi Soliders following Nazi authority was a uniquely Germain trait. Milgram soon found out that following orders even if it harms someone was not a German trait. Here is a quote from his findings, "The extreme willingness of adults to go to almost any lengths on the command of an authority constitutes the chief finding of the study and the fact most urgently demanding explanation"

As you can see, it is not about ethinicty, religion or nationality. Humans follow orders from those with percieved authority. You can learn more about the experiment here.

I dunno about you but most jews outside of Israel do not look up to the IDF or the Israeli Government as authority figures. Fuck there are even Israeli Citizens, both jewish and non jewish, who do not think of the Israeli government as an authority figure. Assuming that all jews and Israeli citizens yern to suck at the teet of Nethanyu is antisemetic and just straight up false. Another thing i want to pick apart: (quote from pissfartpete) "Because if you -- the civilized and peaceful type of person -- were okay with genocide, and the people you were eradicating were already immoral savages (hence the need to commit genocide against them in the first place), how can there possibly be a world where they wouldn't see vengeance against you if you were to stop" (context before this quote was pissfartpete comparing the Israeli government to Nazi germany)

First off, the use of -- on either side of what you are implying jews are is very close to the echo or ((())). Like the meriam webster definition is "A two-em dash, ——, is used to indicate missing letters in a word and, less frequently, to indicate a missing word". Like someone else please tell me that i am going crazy and that a two-em dash is not becoming a variation of the echo.

The only vengence that Jews got which directly benefitied us was financial compensation from Germany. I dunno about you but millions of people dying cannot be made right with money. Oh im sorry, I forgot that all jews cared about was money so of course that was enough for over 6 million lives lost! (sarcasm for those you have trouble with that).

Last point im gonna make currently on that quote, why is it that you only compare Jews to Nazi Germany. There have been so many other genocides besides the Holocaust. The holocaust was industrialised killing. It turned death into a factory operation. The current actions of the IDF whilst is bad and I am not denying that, is not turning death into a factory operation.

Last point im gonna make on this whole thing as its bed time: (quote from pissfartpete) "I'm sure you are truly different from your aryan brethren"

Ah yes, because jews are brethren to the aryan race. You know, the term created by Nazi's used to describe anyone who was not jewish or white. Jews are totally brethren to people who hates jews and want us dead. It is totally 100% okay to do that (sarcasm)

It seems like pissfartpete has just repackaged Nazi Germany ideology and is somehow prescribing to Nazi Ideology whilst also trying to say "No u" to jews and israeli's

Shut up you genocide supporter

FROM THE RIVER TO THE SEA PALESTINE WILL BE FREE

FROM THE RIVER TO THE SEA PALESTINE WILL BE FREE

FROM THE RIVER TO THE SEA PALESTINE WILL BE FREE

FROM THE RIVER TO THE SEA PALESTINE WILL BE FREE

FROM THE RIVER TO THE SEA PALESTINE WILL BE FREE

FROM THE RIVER TO THE SEA PALESTINE WILL BE FREE

FROM THE RIVER TO THE SEA PALESTINE WILL BE FREE

FROM THE RIVER TO THE SEA PALESTINE WILL BE FREE

FROM THE RIVER TO THE SEA PALESTINE WILL BE FREE

FROM THE RIVER TO THE SEA PALESTINE WILL BE FREE

FROM THE RIVER TO THE SEA PALESTINE WILL BE FREE

FROM THE RIVER TO THE SEA PALESTINE WILL BE FREE

FROM THE RIVER TO THE SEA PALESTINE WILL BE FREE

FROM THE RIVER TO THE SEA PALESTINE WILL BE FREE

FROM THE RIVER TO THE SEA PALESTINE WILL BE FREE

FROM THE RIVER TO THE SEA PALESTINE WILL BE FREE

FROM THE RIVER TO THE SEA PALESTINE WILL BE FREE

FROM THE RIVER TO THE SEA PALESTINE WILL BE FREE

FROM THE RIVER TO THE SEA PALESTINE WILL BE FREE

FROM THE RIVER TO THE SEA PALESTINE WILL BE FREE

So, just to be clear, I made a post specifically explaining that I hear this phrase as a call for my death personally. I hear this phrase as a call for the death of all Jews to be murdered and denied burial and to be shoved into the sea and provided examples as of why. And I received this in my inbox less than a minute later.

I also explained explicitly that I believe Palestinian people have a right to use this phrase and reclaim it from terrorists who took it from them. I explained that my ultimate goal is peace for Palestinians and for Jews. I explained that I wish for Palestinians to live as full and equal citizens in their homeland. I explained that anything that does not contribute to this goal of peace is causing active harm to Jews as well as deepening the conflict going on right now.

Given that information, you chose to send me this.

So you want me to die? You want to kill me, a Jewish person who does not live in and has never been to Israel? You want to kill all Jews?

Hmmm…it sounds like only one of us actually supports genocide, and it sure isn’t me.

Next time you want to tell me that you want me dead and want to kill all Jewish people, you can just say that. There’s no need to pretend you’re helping Palestinians at the same time.

PS: to all the goyim who replied to my recent posts that they support Jews and abhor antisemitism—now would be a good time to show support.

Jews cannot continue to receive this kind of targeted harassment in the name of people who claim to support peace. Standing up to antisemitism means loudly and clearly denouncing this. And if you don’t do so, I’m just gonna assume you stand with @pata-hikari, who wants me dead.

I have made it abundantly clear that I don’t support the violent response to the 10/7 attacks. I have made it abundantly clear I want freedom and equality for Palestinians. It’s time for y’all to make it abundantly clear that you understand that this message was a death threat. That people are using a phrase coined to promote hope and peace and liberation to threaten (another) mass Jewish slaughter. Do you care about me or not? Stop fence sitting or choosing sides. Fight for peace or stop pretending to be my friend and ally. An ally doesn’t stand idly by while someone they claim to support gets death threats.

Again, I don’t want ANY violence. I don’t want anyone to attack this person. What I want is to stop having to deal with this shit every day. What I want is for people to be as loud in their opposition to antisemitism as they are for Palestinian self determination. What I want is to stop having to be regarded as a good guy or a bad guy. I just want to be a fucking person and I want PEACE ONLY.

[anxiousanteaterr]

therapy sucked the other day and the gross feeling carried over into today. its rough when i dig stuff up bc now i gotta go do my job and exist n shit till my next appointment, and bettering myself is going to be hard when my depression is on high alert bc im in the process of taking the reins from it.

the good thing tho is that im learning more about myself. and a lot of what ive learned is actively playing a role in making me feel bad lmao.

i never really stopped to look at how bad my self confidence was because 1. It hurts. and 2. its... all ive ever known. Its been dog shit for as long as i can remember. From being bullied since middle school and from everything my parents told me growing up. All I know is to be too hard on myself. To ignore taking care of myself emotionally, brush off compliments and not take them, automatically accept insults as the truth, and to just sweep all the feelings under the rug because thats just... what ive always had to do. I even trained myself to punish myself when I try to address it. When I try to take care of myself mentally and to be kind to myself and have hope and pride. Even the most basic shit like "this is a real skill set that i have" is met with a mental block and a deep seated anger that gives me urges to physically hurt myself because im... idk, seeing myself in a positive light?? I can't really let myself feel anything in any decent intensity without immediately punishing myself for it.

And it hurts. And it makes me mad because I know better than that, and I have this intense ache that is begging me to allow myself to feel and just be. To let me feel angry. To let me hold grudges. To let me have regret. To let me forgive. And most importantly, to let me love myself in all aspects. Realizing I was trans and transitioning gave me such an intense high because for ONCE in my life I was truly loving myself in literally any fucking capaicty, and seeing myself in a positive light. So now that part of me (really just my true self) is just so desperate to keep going. To keep opening doors and let myself be human. I keep holding myself back because I was punished so many times as a child to NOT feel. To not defend myself. To not be angry with people. To not laugh too loud or act silly. To not make mistakes. But its just been too much of that. 26 years and im at my fucking limit. My canines are sinking into the metal bars of the cage I locked myself into, and despite the pain I am busting out of this cage. I'm just glad im fortunate enough to actively be in therapy for all of this, so I can safely come out of the cage.

It's also funny bc i realized one of the reasons i act so kind and be nice and friendly is because of how much i deny myself that own kindness. And how much I was denied it by my peers and my biggest support group (my parents) as a child. I hate it when i get angry and snap and lash out because it reminds me of how often I was on the recieving end of that. Hell, I tear up when I see parents yell at their kids at the store. I just don't want anyone to ever experience what I did, so I give and give, and smile and joke around as often as I can because I so desperately wish that I could have gotten the same.

But I am human after all, so I will get angry, and I will lash out. And I will get disappointed. And feel regret. And make mistakes. And I just gotta remind myself that thats ok! I can do these things and feel the full extent of them! Its not the end of the world when it happens. I just gotta learn how to keep it in check so when I do act human, its not blown out of proportion.

Finally, I have to really work on the self-confidence thing of "im not a failure". I'm in a specific situation where literally everyone I know irl who is "successful", has done the basic societal shit: got great grades, went thru college, and is working "a real, professional job". I did -and am doing- none of those things! lmao. And despite me not genuinely regretting it bc its saved me money and stress, its v hard to not let those societal norms make you feel worthless bc youre not fitting into the mold. I also have real bad exectutive function that will most likely go untreated forever, so I have to remind myself to not beat myself up over THAT bc its something i cannot control. I AM doing my best, and it WILL be enough. And life progresses pretty slowly, I have until the day I drop dead to do whatever the fuck I want. I should stick to my guns and take my sweet time.

[thebarbaricbeast]

astro notes mini cause im in the middle of a zoom meeting....part 3

Aries in a Virgo degree especially in the inner planets could get easily irritated or mad

mercury in Scorpio have long term memory mercury in Gemini have short term memory.....just an observation

aquarius placements are bad bitches they probably started planning their business at 12 years old. and they are so excited to move out of the house lol they just want their independence...

moon in the 3rd house culture is deciding to wake up because the any electronic is on, the smell of food, guests over, just stimulation. if there is no stimulation or uniqueness from the day before they probably wont get out of bed same with mars/moon in Gemini, Aquarius moon, mars/moon in Sagittarius and mars/moon in libra

Lilith is the moon's errors and inaccuracy in its orbit which creates this dark feminine energy opposite the moon which is the divine receptive and submissive feminine. Lilith rebels against being submissive and receptive and dependable. the moon's faults are very unpredictable and are not foreseeable or calculated by observers this is what make Lilith so unpredictable and hard to maintain. the moon and Lilith naturally makes a square but if the moon and Lilith are in signs that makes an easy aspect this will smoothen the square. if there is a square and opposition on top of that then it will create an arena where the devil and god are at war meaning the dark feminine is at war with the "angelic" and divine feminine. This becomes the most powerful aspect Lilith can have. im gonna stop there lol this post is getting too long.....

having libra placement with some impulsive placements is very hard to maintain. libra is naturally passive aggressive but a aspect like "moon aspect pluto or moon to the mars" can have outbursts of outrage that no one saw coming

woman with harsh venus-jupiter aspect can be extremely frugal with money or extremely careless meaning they could buy the whole mall lol

venus in Sagittarius usually listen to an extreme of something for example extreme rap or rock if aspecting the moon they could skip songs alot

saggittarians with alot of pluto aspects or scorpio placements could have a "dont fuck with my freedom" vibe

i think taurus are the best actors. they have the ability to fabricate intense energy to act or perform

Pluto in the 12th house people could impact people for generations its like all people who are born will have a fundamental understanding on this person..ex: marilyn monroe

Lilith Aries/Aquarius culture is wearing red to a funeral

vesta is another feminine asteroid i like to think of it as mars and venus together with some Neptune........its a feminine spiritual flame that allows your to acquire goals.she relates to spiritual practices,work and devotion

Vesta being involved with Pluto could be seen in witchcraft or could be this edgy type of feminine

Scorpio risings with Jupiter aspects could be very intimidating they usually have a long nose...

i see alot of taurus that are veryyyyyy edgy like emo clothing and black and red orrrr ......just very simple clothing lol

mercury in aspect to asteroid sappho is a person that is very very good with their words they can lure people in with just a breath from their lips

sappho in aspect to Lilith is more of a captivating sexual nature.very sexually creative and if in hard aspect it could create someone that is excessively self indulgent in expressing their sexually or has trouble expressing their sexual side or it can be using their attraction to absorb negative things they could use to manipulate people(the opposite sex) to get what they want

moon in hard aspect with the ascendant are incredibly good at lying

they say Capricorn,scorpio,leo, and aries are more favorable placements for the midheaven although it willl do well i think Aquarius,libra,pisces and saggitaurius are very great too. aquarius relates to Independence, ideas, communities, and humans this is very good for a person that makes huge impact on the world. libra relates to justice, peace, relationships, and love/romance. i have never seen a libra mc native who was not welll liked unless there are harsh aspects affecting it. these people can really be anyone they want to be ..as president they could restore justice and peace and they could be huge business owners since libra is a cardinal sign which are known as the executives. everybody is attracted to these people and ive seen it could succeed in doctors too. pisces mcs are just amazing they help so much and they help the underdogs they are what keeps our communities alive. Sagittarius are the best leaders preferably in the midheaven they can lead nations and teach and inspire tons of people. they strive for knowledge and expand horizons and lands. they could expand countries as leaders and they could restore education. virgos mc are one of my faves too they are opposite pisces mc who are more inclined in the arts. they see the more practical approach in helping people. no matter what they have in their birth charts this placement will compel them to serve the world.

fortune conjunct jupiter in the birth chart is very important. it is a strong indicator of some type of success in life but the person has to go through long journeys to arrive there and pick up great knowlege.

lilith square the ascendant people might have strange marks or scars on their body that they never knew were there from time to time

mars square the ascendant might have had an ingury to remember as a child Pluto conjunct the ascendant in Sagittarius too

moon in a fire sign really crave a partner that is patient, understanding and really good with money.

i think Lilith in libra is the most dangerous Lilith sign because they are frighteningly charming. what they tend to is make people fall in love with them then impose them in a very manipulative way to express their undying love for them.if they feel that the love is not enough they leave the person in search for another men/woman or continue to manipulate the person into doing so. they do this to make themselves feel better because of an experience they will face or have faced in their life they feel the need for a partner to love them and if they dont feel its enough they will leave...unless they actually like this person but it happens......very manipulative in relationships. this would probably be the most unbalanced libra placement.

moon harsh aspect juno either attracts very emotional partners or partners that are emotionally absent....might be on their phones during dates alot lol

pluto harsh aspect to juno attract partners that want to control them...very jealous and protective

scorpio in the 4th house people are veryyyyy protective and they might be parents who teach their kids "the hard way"...they might have seaky children and children who are distant or children that are very clingy ...they know everything their child is thinking at all times...

every water moon hated going to school as a child( like kindergarten or pre-k) cause they didn't want their mommy to leave..probably frequent calls because they wanted "mommy" to come pick them up or really hates leaving their mom and entering school alone.

pluto in the 5th house people probably lost their virginity at a young age or just done something.....not good as a child...like steal a car etc

venus in the 8th/scorpio might be tempted to be exotic dancers lol or leo/libra in the 8th

sun in the 8th house people have the potential to be really really funny and entertaining. they probably have so much to say and are born with a natural confidence...they give me like god(but underworld) vibes and they are not afraid to put someone in their place. they would probably be involved in drama or just not care at all. (in school)......they have anger issues lol

child i just have to say that Sagittarius guys can be jerks....but not all of them but most of them lol

if you ever meet a immature scorpio you should probably run they will ruin your life...veryyyyy manipulative and they can be liars...verrry jealous........"if i cant have you know one can vibe" in a relationship.

scorpio risings can do weird thing with their bodies like with their tongues or fingers etc

venus square the ascendant people probably have this one feature that they really hate on their body.....

moon in water signs people tend to lie alot when it comes to situations with emotional pressure especially if this is in a air degree.

ive noticed that alot of people are jealous of leo risings

jupiter in the 1st house people love attention. they shower in it and they can do reckless things in in the middle of the spotlight

people with moon in Sagittarius probably had a mother that let the dad take charge or gave the kid space to explore life. Sagittarius moons probably went through alot.

[2dmenenthusiast]

I can't remember if I sent this to you already but could I request headcanons for aizawa, hizashi and Toshinori finding their s/o that has a chipmunk quirk that makes her fall into hibernation when it's too cold (kinda like tsu) but when the guys find her with her heart rate low and her breathing shallow maybe they freak a little bc she didn't tell them about that part of her quirk yet

omggggg this idea is literally so cute I got so excited when I first read it. Also thank you love for comin through with the requests, I really appreciate it! <3 I also hella struggled cuz like, what can someone with a chipmunk quirk do? Stuff their cheeks? Climb up trees? Also I legit forgot what a chipmunk even looked like I had to look it up lmaoooo im so dumb it hurts

Aizawa is an intimidating fella, okay

So when you first told him about your quirk, you were lowkey embarrassed?

Like, here’s this grown-ass man with a badass quirk who is more than capable of taking down villains and defending himself, and here you are just-

🐿️

But you know what’s great about this man? He couldn’t give less of a shit about your quirk or anything like that. He strikes me as the type to care more about personality than anything else

concealing your quirk is fairly easy. People probably wouldn’t even know you had one if it wasn’t for the small fluffy ears popping out of the top of your head, and even then you could just cover them with a hat

But that doesn’t mean you don’t experience the effects of your own quirk just because it’s subtle

You have a mutant type quirk, so you experience certain things that actual chipmunks do

Sometimes you won’t even notice that you’re stuffing your cheeks to full capacity with whatever you’re eating before Aizawa has to cut you off and just be like

“y/n. Chew.”

Or when you’re rushing, you’re usually going so fast that Aizawa can barely even see you zooming from room to room

you can also get kinda skittish at times, your ears twitching whenever you hear a noise that sounds weird or out of place, and you’ll just look at Aizawa with wide eyes until he checks out what made a noise that he could barely hear

“y/n, it was just some kids outside.”

“Oh... sorry, Sho.”

he wants to be frustrated, but he knows it’s not your fault. And honestly? He finds you so cute that he can’t really stay mad at you

So he’ll just let out a huff before patting your head lovingly, grazing his fingers over your ears (Which he KNOWS are sensitive, that asshole)

Experiencing long periods of deep sleep is also a thing. You wouldn’t call it hibernation cuz you still have to do normal, everyday things, but there are times during the winter where you’ll sleep for a few days in a row and only get up to go to the bathroom or eat

And since you can’t actually burrow into the floor of your home, you usually make a blanket fort in the corner of your bedroom and stuff all of the pillows and blankets you can in there until it’s nice and warm, ready for you to bury yourself in

and you might’ve left that little part of your quirk out when you moved in together. whoops

So when Shouta comes home and sees the living room couch void of all of its pillows, he’s not expecting to walk into your shared bedroom and see you curled up in a blanket fort

he’s a bit curious at first, just kinda looking at you like “All right, I guess this is normal?”

and he’ll crouch down and kinda examine you for a bit before he eventually wonders if you’re even breathing? You’re burried under blankets, so he can’t really see your chest moving

eventually he’ll check and see that your breathing is abnormally slow and he kinda just... pauses and checks again to make sure he’s not going crazy.

and he wont deny that he kinda freaks out at first, his immediate thought being that he needs to get you out of there, but the second he grabs the blankets to pull them off of you he’s like wait... hold up.

then it all clicks

you’re a mutant with a chipmunk quirk...

c h i p m u n k

safe to say he’s relieved, so he just lets you be and goes about his day. 

When you wake up a few hours later to go to the bathroom, you come out of the bedroom with your clothes practically on backwards, rubbing at your eyes and stumbling past Aizawa like he’s not even there. And when you’re done, it’s right back to sleep you go

“Back to bed?” Aizawa would ask as he watches you with an amused smirk on his face

“Mhm.”

“Okay. Goodnight, y/n”

“Mm’night.

Listen, when he first heard of your quirk, he thought it was the cutest shit ever

“Your quirk is Chipmunk?! That’s SOOOOOOOO CUUUUUUUTE!”

No he’s legit your number one hype man. If you think your quirk is lame, he’s literally shouting at you how cool he thinks you are.

“You can stuff so much food in your mouth, y/n! And that’s pretty dope if you ask me! I’m totally jealous!”

speaking of food, he’ll just randomly ask you to shove as much as you can of one thing in your cheeks until they’re at full capacity.

“Hey y/n, think you can shove this whole pack of jumbo marshmallows in your cheeks?”

“But... I just bought those :(”

“I’ll buy you more, LET’S DO THIS!!!”

also asks you the dumbest questions omg. You don’t know if he’s genuinely curious or if he’s just doing it to piss you off

“So do you just eat nuts all day?”

“You’ve seen me eat, Hizashi. No.”

“Do you prefer to sleep in trees?”

“That would be extremely uncomfortable.”

“Ooh you’d probably be great frieds with Kamui Woods then.”

“Did you not hear what I just said?”

He also REALLY likes your ears. Like an unhealthy amount? Whenever you’re around he literally wont stop touching them and even tugs on them playfully until you’re swatting at his hands and telling him to go away

He can’t help that they’re so cute :(

so on a particuallry cold day in winter when he has to go to work at the school, he leaves your home while you’re sleeping, only to come home hours later to find you... still sleeping?

You haven’t moved an inch the entire time he’s been gone, so needless to say, he’s a litle concerned.

and when he checks to see if you’re still alive only to discover your heart rate is super slow, he’s A LOT concerned

His brain just goes to the most dramatic thing he can think of, which is that you’re in some weird coma and need to wake up

so rather than, i dont know, gently shaking you awake like a normal person, he grabs you buy your shoulders and starts shaking you violently while shouting your name loud as fuck

“Y/NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN”

“JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!”

you literally wake up so violently, you sit right up and shove him off of you before asking what’s wrong with him, pretty sure you’ve officially gone deaf

He then explains that he thought you were in a coma or something cuz your heartbeat was so slow, and at that point you just roll your eyes because of course he would come up with this ridiculous conclusion

“Hizashi, my quirk is chipmunk and it’s a mutation quirk.”

He doesn’t even get what you’re getting at, just tilting his head in confusion as he squints at you.

“What do chipmunks do in the winter, babe?”

Cue more confused squinting

“Oh my god, they hibernate, you headass.”

it finally clicks and the look on his face makes it seem like he just learned the secret of the universe, and afterwards he’s going on about how cool that is while you just roll your eyes and lay back down to try and go back to sleep, bringing the blanket over your head to try and drown him out

He eventually gets the hint and leaves, but after a while, you kinda feel bad for blowing up on him. He was just concerned and didn’t fully understand your quirk

so letting out a huff, you pull the blanket down and call out his name, to which he immediately runs to you at the sound of, asking you what you need

you just wordlessly lift up the blanket to expose the empty side of the bed, and oh boy, the size of the grin he gets on his face is unmatched

immediately throws off his hero costume so that you can both be comfortable and jumps into bed with you, holding you impossibly close

you fall asleep in a matter of minutes while he just looks at you fondly, hand soothingly rubbing your back.

Just like the other two, he finds you incredibly cute. Like mans is in love, okay?

everytime he sees your little ears twitch, he just gets the strongest urge to touch them, but he never does without your consent becuase he knows how sensitive they are.

“Uh... y/n, do you mind if I... touched your ears?” 

Baby probably feels so awkward asking ugh PLEASE REASSURE HIM

“Oh? Yeah, of course, Toshi. Knock yourself out.”

oooh he’s excited. He’ll be super gentle about it, just lightly grazing them with his fingers before gently rubbing them between his thumb and forefinger

and at that point you’re littlerally melting, practically falling into him because him caressing your ears like this feels absolutely amazing

When he sees how it’s affecting you, he immediately becomes a blushing mess and apologizes, but you just hug him and tell him it’s okay and that you liked it

yeah he definitely rubs your ears whenever you’re feeling stressed or anxious because it’s become a quick way to relax you

only when he does it though. If anyone else randomly touches your ears, you get kinda uncomfortable

Just because they don’t look human doesn’t mean they still weren’t a part of you, dammit

Anyways, one day when you’re waiting for Toshi to come back home, you’ve got yourself wrapped up like a burrito in your blanket, sitting on the couch as you watched tv

it had been snowing all day, but luckily Toshinori had turned up the thermostat before he left, remembering how you mentioned that you’re not a huge fan of the cold

unfortunately for you, the harsh weather had no trouble taking out the power, leaving you in the dark and the cold

it didn’t take long for the cold to start seeping in through the cracks in the windows, and you quickly began to grow tired before you inevitibly passed out on the couch, still wrapped tightly in your blanket

When Toshi gets home and sees you on the couch, his first reaction is “aw, how cute.”

but then when he comes up to you and starts calling out your name to try and wake you up and you just won’t, and then he notices how much your breathing has slowed down, he quickly growns concerened.

He’s not in full panic mode yet, but he’s getting there, and he’s quick to crouch down to your level and grab your shoulders to start shaking you to wake you up

which you do, blinking groggily at him like you weren’t just in full hibernation mode

“Oh... Hey, Toshi,” you mumble, and you reach up to wrap your arms around his neck to pull him down so that you can nuzzle yourself into his warm chest

He’s not able to ask you about what happened to you before you’ve already fallen back asleep, and when the power comes back on a few minutes later, he does a quick google search on chipmunks and mutant quirks before putting two and two together

Now he’s thinking of all the ways he could make you something to burrow into during those especially cold winters

[wonder-womans-ex]

What Are We but Human

Every story has a beginning and a middle. 

Luke knows this. He’s lived through it; he’s been taught it. He’s also been taught that every story has an end, too, but he knows from personal experience that this is very rarely true. 

The best and the worst stories never end. 

It’s only the mediocre ones that do. It’s only the ones that leave your mind as soon as the last page is turned. The best stories—and the worst—are the ones that leave you thinking why and but only and what if. 

Those are the stories Luke likes best.

Because there’s a place in his heart for nightmares and fear and endless boredom. There’s a part of him that aches to be hurt; he needs pain like he needs air if he’s going to keep on waking up in the morning. 

Maybe that’s why the person he’s sitting across from isn’t Remus or James or even Sirius Black—because Remus is wisdom and James is resistance and Sirius is anger. 

And Saint isn’t any of those things. Or maybe he’s all of them—Luke hasn’t quite figured that out yet. 

Saint is quick. He always has been. His tongue is quick to insult; his eyes are quick to notice; his fingers are quick as they drum on the table. Luke isn’t sure why they’re there, and he’s not going to ask. 

It would be fruitless, though, to wait for Saint to tell him, so he leans back in his chair. He’s aiming for nonchalance, but he knows Saint can see right through him. They’re the only ones in the house, and being alone with Saint has never given Luke cause to feel anything but fear. 

No, not quite fear. Recklessness—the need to do something stupid. He loves and hates it at the same time. 

The thought crosses his mind that maybe this is how Saint feels all the time, and it’s just rubbing off on him. Are bad decisions contagious? 

They must be, because opening his mouth to do something other than take a swig of his root beer is probably the most stupid thing Luke has ever done in his life. 

“There’s a theory,” he says, knowing he should stop talking—put down the metaphorical shovel before he digs any deeper—but not seeming to be able to, “that the universe is constantly expanding. That infinity is larger now than it was last week, or yesterday, or even ten seconds ago.” 

Saint looks up at him through his eyelashes. He arches one eyebrow, halfway between curious and skeptical. “Why are you telling me this?” 

“Because infinity is infinity—because if something never stops, it only makes sense that it would never stop not stopping.”

“I think you lost me around the same time you started talking, Tweedle.”

No-nonsense. He doesn’t get it. How can someone like Saint, someone wild and free and dangerous, be so down-to-earth, so poignant, when he needs to be? 

Luke skips the bullshit. He doesn’t know where all that talk of infinity came from and he doesn’t know if he cares. His hands curl into fists under the table, nails digging into his palms. He takes a breath and decides, fuck this. He decides I won’t be a coward. I won’t. 

“Have you ever loved someone you shouldn’t?” 

***

Saint never has been one for silver. No, Saint likes gold—glittering and malleable and surprisingly cool to the touch. 

It goes with his hair. It goes with his personality. It goes with his unquenchable desire to be the best. Gold doesn’t blend in, and neither does Saint. 

Maybe that’s why it’s so surprising—to him, at least, but he knows he could have seen it coming from miles away if he really, truly tried—that of all the people in his world, it was Luke Deveaux who caught his eye. Luke is the dull gleam of silver. He’s harsh and unrelenting. And, when he bites the corner of his lip and meets Saint’s gaze, the look in his chocolate-brown eyes is inexplicably warm. 

That might be why it hurts so much to have to say, “I don’t know if I’ve ever loved anyone at all.” 

He watches as something in Luke crumbles. He watches as Luke breaks. 

And then he watches as Luke picks up the pieces and shoves them back together. 

A survivor, Saint thinks to himself. I like survivors. 

Luke smiles. He tilts his head to one side. 

“Want to learn how?” 

When he inhales, it’s like Saint’s lungs are filling with air for the first time. His vision tunnels to the boy in front of him; all he can see is Luke with his coffee-brown hair and his eyes that hold the universe and his faint half-grin and the dimple that Saint is now close enough to see. 

Saint has never loved before. Not really. Not like this. 

But maybe Luke—bruised and battered and trying-to-heal Luke, Luke the God whom he tried so hard to hate, Luke who can take a punch like nobody’s business—will be able to change that. 

***

Luke watches as the pink of Saint’s tongue flickers out over his lips. If he didn’t know better, he would label it as nervous, but he knows that Saint doesn’t get nervous. Saint gets hesitant; Saint gets terrified. 

There’s no in between. 

He hopes this is the latter. He can deal with Saint being scared of him—after all, when have they not been scared of each other; or at least scared of what the other’s presence brings—but hesitant? Hesitant means he’s offered something Saint can’t accept. Hesitant means that somewhere in all the taking, Luke has forgotten what it means to give. 

But then Saint swallows. “I think,” he begins, and then stops. 

Luke waits. 

“I think,” Saint says again, “I’d like that very much.” 

***

They’re kissing. 

Saint has no idea how they came to be pressed together against the wall, hands tangled in hair and cupped around cheeks, lips practically locked in battle, emotions overflowing like he’s never felt before—he’s crying, isn’t he; they both are—and he thinks to himself, if this isn’t love, I can’t imagine what is.

***

Luke doesn’t know much. What he does know is this: 

Saint is kissing him. 

Saint is everything. 

This may be a beginning, and it may be a middle, but it sure as hell isn’t an end. 

Amazing characters are by @lumosinlove

@im-oknutzy-trash 

[rintarous]

since ur angsty text BROKE my tiny heart (which it was rlly good btw good job 👏) how about some cuddling hcs with ur favorite bnha boys 🥺👉👈

a/n: i hope this fixes ur broken heart that i caused 😔 i got too carried away with kiri bc kiri rights kiri bEST BOY p.s kaminari’s hc turned into PG 13 im sorry 😔

bakugo katsuki:

this mf right here

he’s that rough cuddler

cs mans never cuddled in his LIFE

and also the fact he’s a big ass tsundere

he’d probably give in once you hit the puppy eyes on him

which he can’t resist btw even if he won’t admit it

at first he’d be literally so stiff like kirishima’s quirk

and grunts every now and then

but as your cuddle sessions turned into weekly sessions which then turns into daily sessions,,,

he’d grow use to it and be the softest human alive

probably takes it up a notch and tell you to just lie down on his chest instead of being cuddled up to his side

!! HE’S BIG ON RUBBING CIRCLES ON YOUR SKIN !!

like at some point in your cuddle sesh, expect this boi to rub circles on your back, your sides, ANYWHERE HE CAN GET HIS HANDS ON

which lulls you to sleep if you’re being honest ,,,

he’d be like: huh??? once you stop babbling about your day

and he looks down at you to find you sleeping peacefully

he has this satisfied smirk on his face

and don’t tell anyone but he steals a kiss every once in a while when he knows youre knocked out cold

he doesnt want you to know he’s just too soft for you and tease the living daylights out of him 

uwu 

todoroki shoto:

another mf who can’t cuddle to save a life

as someone who,,,, didn’t experience much affection at all

he’d be clueless on what to do

so i believe he’d be the small spoon when you two just started cuddling

mans would literally FREEZE in your arms, not knowing what to do in this position

but he really likes the feeling of his hair being brushed away

he’s just a kitty stuck in a human body alright !!!

he’s kinda stoic and not keen into showing emotions but you can feel the love radiating off of him

and once he finds the courage, he looks up at you saying “can i try being the big spoon?”

AND UR HEART DID FLIPS 

ur brain: ADSJKHDADUAHDAJAKJA

and just like bakugo, he’d be stiff and doesnt know what to do

as he is pretty dense at everything 

and you just tell him to relax and be comfortable at what hes doing

and sooner or later, he’d get the hang of it

when it’s cold outside, you cuddle to his left side

and when it’s hot, to his right side

most of the time tho, you’d cuddle up at his right side

cs you like it cold 

overall, he’d be an okay cuddler

and because of this, you prefer to be the big spoon

A+ for effort tho 

uwu

kirishima eijiro:

AH YES KIRISHIMA THE BEST BOY

unlike the other 2, this dude right here,,,

god at cuddling

knows his shit!!!!!!

MY MAN WOULD BE SO SOFT AND UWU

YOU’D PROBABLY WANT TO LIVE IN HIS ARMS FOREVER

even if you didn’t ask, he’d throw his arm over your shoulder casually no cap no cap

then he’d pull you to his side 

since he’s naturally a warm person so sooner or later you’d lean to his side

till your cheek is now squished against his side

which makes him go uwu mode

and almost stranggle you cs you were too cute 🥺

i swear im a bakugo stan-

kiri is just,, the manliest of the manly 

n e way 

he’s the type to trap you in his arms

if that doesnt say anything to u idk man 

he’s so loving that you might start crying whenever u think about this man

he’s the type to throw in that puppy eyes whenever you leave 

expect to cuddle with him literally when classes end

!!! THE TYPE TO SAY/WHISPER SWEET SHIT WHILE YOU CUDDLE!!!!

FUCK DUDE I’D CUDDLE WITH KIRI ANY TIME ANY DAY 

just a natural sweet sweet boi 🥺

uwu

midoriya izuku:

izuwu here, probably thinks he knows what hes doing

but in reality he doesnt know what the fuck hes doing

he probably did his research about cuddling and all that shit the moment he got in a relationship with you

but thats okay!!! cs its the thought that counts !!! lmfao

he’s painfully stiff and tries really hard to make you comfortable

making you giggle 

cs izuku is just the cutest bean ever

he’d probably make that face when he was moving his head up and down when he was staring at his computer when he was a kid unironically as he cuddles you

“izuku, just relax!!!” you laughed at his distressed state 

“ehehehehe…. how”

so you end up being the big spoon

showing him how it’s done

and izuku just wanted to hide embarrassment cs he didn’t learn shit abt the stuff he’s been reading online 

he’s open to suggestions tho!!!

so once you hold him like the baby he is,,,

he gradually gets the jist of cuddling and wants to try it for himself

in his head: man being cuddled is way better 🥺

you find that he’s a bit comfortable now 

so every once in a while, he’d cuddle you but most of the time its you who cuddles him

but thats okay!! cs thats izuku who ur cuddling

and everything is just fine with you if its izuku

uwu

kaminari denki:

another dude who knows wtf he’s doing

mostly bc he experienced this before hand

since denki is kinda flirty,,,,, he’d put his hand under your shirt

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

naturally a good cuddler

plus you get to charge your phone when you’re with him LMFAO

be careful when he sneezes tho,,,,

prepared to be shocked,, 

literally

anyway

cuddles with him would usually mean endless gossip about anything or anyone 

when he’s feeling it he’d put his hand on your chest

with no malice or whatever, he’s just that type of dude to just hold ur bo*b

might give it a squeeze if he’s feeling brave LMAO

but mans doesnt mean any harm

it’s just he cant keep his hands to himself KJADSHAJHDJKA

since he’s pretty open about your relationship,,,

he’d cuddle with you in the common room

making everyone passing by lowkey gag 

“get a damn room” bakugo grumbles as he goes to the kitchen

ENDLESS SIDE KISSES

my man kaminari cant live without physical affection y’all

and he’d probably brush ur hair away too damn what a man

uwu

tamaki amajiki: 

PROTECT THIS LIL SHIT !!!!!

cuddling with tamaki would be a damn miracle

cs it happened rarely

due to his,,,,, nervousness and shit

even asking you out almost made him pass out

if it werent for mirio and neijire, you two would never become canon at all

since he’s a nervous bub,, expect to be the big spoon

which is a good thing tbh cs all you wanna do is PROTECT HIM AT ALL COSTS

he’d intertwine your hands together and probably do that one face: (￣～￣)

but its okay!! cs it means progress amirite!!!!!

this boi mustve felt so sorry to you cs he’s the man in the relationship right?? so he gotta be the big spoon

so like overtime he’d muster all the courage he had left and ask to be the big spoon

you can literally feel him shake from the other side of the room when he asked you so quietly

“c-can i…. t-try to be the…….. ᵇᶦᵍ ˢᵖᵒᵒⁿ“

AND WHEN I SAID YOU SCARED HIM SHITLESS WHEN YOU LITERALLY JUMPED IN HIS ARMS

YOU SCARED HIM SHITLESS

again,, he almost passes out when he barely catches you

so you two ended up cuddling on the floor

buT IF IT MEANT TAMAKI BEING THE BIG SPOON,, YOU’LL TAKE ANYTHING 

you can still feel him shake under you

but you squeeze his hand around you reassuringly and kiss his cheek

“you’re doing so well my baby”

and my dude turns into a dark shade of red

“t-thanks?”

uwu

[dog-teeth]

is there anything you wish you had known before starting T? are there any effects that you dislike? sorry if this is too personal, i'm just trying to make sure i'm making a good decision. i'm agender but i want to present more masc but i'm scared that i'll end up hating the effects of T even though there are some things that i really really want from it. also, i love your art!

no worries im honestly fine with talking about almost all transition/gender related stuff! im gonna talk (p non-explicitly) about sex and body stuff so i’ll put this under the cut

there aren’t any effects i dislike. when i started there were things that i was very nervous for because i thought i would hate them but ended up loving them. i prefer almost everything i experience on hrt, or i don’t care about it, so for example i LOVE my voice now & i love the way T makes me feel emotionally (both physiologically and psychologically), but i don’t care about having facial hair because i always shave it but it’s not that much of a hassle and sometimes stubble is cute. i don’t care for the body hair either bc i was already basically as hairy as a cis man pre-T, i even liked my old leg hair better because the texture was less coarse. the only thing i like better not on T is sexual sensations, but honestly i dont have sex so it doesn’t matter lol. i was v scared for bottom growth and was certain i would hate it but it actually rules i love it (i don’t love that i need like three times as much lube now tho cuz ur ability to naturally lubricate goes way down) also this was one of the most uncomfortable changes at first cuz it makes the clit very tender and sensitive and it will rub against your underwear and be really uncomfy with friction, so make sure u have soft underwear and loose pants. sorry for talking about my genitalia but tbh there is nowhere near enough information about trans bodies and its one of the least discussed aspects of hrt.

however, i was not always this content with taking T! it was a rocky start! there’s nothing that bothers me now, but when i was first starting, a lot bothered me. i was SO sweaty for NO reason, my voice HONKED like a third of the time i opened my mouth, i was VERY ANGRY very quickly, and i was so so hungry!!! snacking forever!! all of these things mellowed out over the first few months, i’m back to not sweating very much and being able to speak like a human person and my anger is actually significantly more manageable than it was pre-T because it comes and goes easily which means i no longer fester deep frustration and anger all the time. i think my appetite leveled out but it’s still higher than before, i gained a couple pounds but it wasn’t a lot.

i don’t want to pressure or sway anyones decision to take hrt, but i would say that your body and mind are so very capable of adapting to new things & even if you end up not liking some parts of hrt you will be able to deal with them and move on, and most of the things that are nerve-wracking end up being fine. its super super scary to try taking hrt since so much is permanent changes to your body. but you can always take a low dose to make the changes happen slower, and like i said you get used to things way easier than you think you will.

i was really really really scared and uncertain when i started T, but i’m so glad i made the jump to do it! i could never have imagined how much it would improve my life! there were so many things i was terrified of - doing irreparable “damage” to my body, regretting it, being read as male, certain specific physical effects, etc. i also didn’t know anybody irl who took T, just my beautiful lovely trans woman friend who started E years ago while we were friends, so seeing her go through the process inspired me a lot. we r both so sexy now like we were sexy before but honestly hrt has made us unstoppable & i love it for us. i definitely couldn’t have done it without her support. i’m getting off track, my point was that i didn’t know anybody on T so i couldn’t see firsthand what it was like, i was basically my own experiment, and it was so scary. but eventually i reached the mindset of “i’m so fucking miserable and something needs to change and i’m not 100% certain it’s this but i need to try because i can’t spend the rest of my life wondering about it and if i do end up hating it i’ll just fucking deal with it from there” i would def recommend being more certain than i was but i do think theres a lot about hrt you just wont know how youll react to until it happens. above all my fears, i just wanted it, and all my fears were very surface-level (what if i hate my body [i already hate my body] what if i hate how people percieve me [i already hate how people percieve me] what if it makes me miserable [i’m already miserable] what if i regret taking it [what if i regret not taking it or i miss out on an opportunity to be happy] )

i cant tell you if T is the right choice for you, but i can tell you that i also had fears and uncertainties before starting, and that if you do end up hating it you’ll be able to adapt.