#im disgusted with food forever now

[lazydreamartryn]

I.. Im not eating for a week- From now on-

[jimingyue]

Cat Tumblr Dashboard Simulator

🖋️ meowful-musings Follow

🕊️ birdwatching Follow

what's wrong with dry food??? my humans feed me it all the time and i think it's fine

💀 elusivehider-deactivated948204

op wheres the natural feeding option

🌲 outdoorsy Follow

you guys are getting fed?

#im a barn cat so maybe im missing something here #meowtthew don't look

7,192 notes

☀️ pawsitive-affurmations Follow

ITS OKAY TO BE A MOGGIE

ITS OKAY TO BE A MOGGIE

YOU ARE NOT LESS VALID IF YOU ARE NOT A SPECIFIC PEDIGREE!!!!!

☀️ pawsitive-affurmations Follow

extra special shout out to cats who have "common" coat colors. grey tabbies and black cats i am rubbing against your head affectionately <3

🪤 m0usetrap01 Follow

as a grey tabby i really needed to hear this :"3

#i feel like i never see positivity posts for moggies even tho we're the most common type of cat....

154,688 notes

🎵 rage-against-the-meowchine Follow

i cant believe there are cats ACTUALLY advocating for kittens to be separated from their mothers before 12 weeks??? kittens still need to learn how to interact with other cats before being placed into their furever home omg you guys know you're advocating for undersocialized and aggressive cats right

❤️ loving-paws284 Follow

um op some of us??? matured early??????? i was separated from my mother at 7 weeks and i turned out fine... interesting how you assume that kittens being separated from their mothers at a younger age will lead to the degeneracy of the next generation...hmm i wonder where i've heard that before...

🐈 fluffy-the-cat Follow

OP got bit too hard during a play-fight as a kitten and it shows XD

🐟 tunafeesh Follow

also op have you ever considered that just because somecat is kind of scared and unable to deal with strange cats or humans, it doesn't mean they don't deserve to be adopted?? you sound like a vet psyop honestly

🎵 rage-against-the-meowchine Follow

oh meow god saying that kittens should be fully weaned before leaving their mother is NOT veterinarian rhetoric and i never said that they deserve to be euthanized!!! my mother literally died when i was 3 weeks old and it seriously messed up my development so stop putting words in my mouth, thanks

anyway friendly reminder that underweaned kittens are prone to illness and often struggle with basic cat behaviors like litterbox usage, and in some nyavinces it's even considered kitten abuse

#discourse #cant believe "kitten abuse is bad" is controversial now

32,456 notes

🍃 naturalliving Follow

BORN TO DIE

WORLD IS A FUCK

猫神 Kill Em All 1989

I am trash cat

410,757,864,530 DEAD BIRDS

#outdoorliving #outdoorcats please interact #outdoorcat friendly

48,971 notes

🎣 salmonpurina Follow

can't believe cats are uncritically reblogging that born to die world is a fuck post. i know it's funny but op is literally an outdoor cat truther

#like cmon now you just have to go to their blog #lulu speaks

34 notes

💀 tabbystripes-deactivated098712

gentle reminder that pushing cups off the table is not cute and can cause a lot of distress in your human!!!! gentle reminder that our teeth and claws can easily hurt them more than they can hurt us!!!!

🐰 evil-tabbystripes Follow

evil reminder that the cup should always be pushed off the table. evil reminder that you should always bite and claw at your human no matter what. you can do whatever you want forever

💀 tabbystripes-deactivated098712

make your own pawst

💀 laser-point-deactivated8574721

umm i know a tomcat who did that and his human ended up putting him down so...

👬🏻 nyasunaruenjoyer Follow

Nyaverage shelter cat behavior

#not nyaruto #re-nyab #pickles shut up

545,460 notes

🌈 nyaoi-warrior Follow

saw two male cats sleeping together on the porch today. homeow behavior imo

💡 discourse-meows Follow

hey um what the fuck??? it's really not okay of you to go assuming other cat's sexualities, especially cats you don't even know???? as a queer cat i'm VERYY uncomfortable. real-ass cats didn't consent to your nyaoi fetish, thanks

🌈 nyaoi-warrior Follow

1. i was making. a joak

2. i'm literally gay???

#literally what's your pawblem

7 notes

🎩 amazingcatshow12 Follow

reblog if you've ever caught the laser pointer

🎩 amazingcatshow12 Follow

i know you fuckers are lying

🍭 gaykittens Follow

this tom hasn't caught the laser pointer

🎩 amazingcatshow12 Follow

shut the heull up

988,653 notes

🐾 b-e-a-n-t-o-e-s Follow

grey toebeans >>>>>>>>> pink toebeans and don't let the haters make you believe otherwise

🐁 ladymouser Follow

op shut the fuck up ALL toebeans are beautiful!!! just bc you're miserable and insecure doesn't mean you can bring others down based on things they can't control

🐾 b-e-a-n-t-o-e-s Follow

oh so the cat-human separationist wants to preach to us

[littlefireball]

OK hear me out please but Vampire Yeosang x Human virgin reader? Where yeosamg is actually very sweet and she was surrendered to him as a slave but he doesn't treat her as such but more as a lover and ends up taking her virginity??

oh that's a good idea~thx for your request 😃but sorry im not good at writing something sweet XD Here you go~

ʏꜱ|ʜᴇᴀʀᴛ ʙʟᴏᴏᴅ (ᴍ)

ᴠᴀᴍᴘɪʀᴇ ʏᴇᴏꜱᴀɴɢ x ʜᴜᴍᴀɴ ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢ: ꜱᴍᴜᴛ|ᴅʀɪɴᴋɪɴɢ ʙʟᴏᴏᴅ|ᴍᴇɴᴛɪᴏɴᴇᴅ ᴏꜰ ᴀʙᴜꜱᴇ, ʙʟᴀᴄᴋ ᴍᴀʀᴋᴇᴛ|ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ ᴄᴜᴛ ʜᴇʀꜱᴇʟꜰ|ꜰɪɴɢᴇʀɪɴɢ|ᴜɴᴘʀᴏᴛᴇᴄᴛᴇᴅ ꜱᴇx|ʀᴏᴜɢʜ ꜱᴇx

ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ: 2.2ᴋ

Masterlist

What if vampires want to drink human blood? They could opt to risk being exposed and hunt humans, or, for a more secure approach, purchase slaves from the underground market, although the standard may be spotty. Alternatively, there might be vampires who have forsaken human blood altogether, but Yeosang couldn't. Human blood remained the most palatable, surpassing that of any other creature.

Today marked the fifth time this week that he had come to the underground market. He was still searching for his 'food'. His yearning for control was nonexistent; all he craved was the exquisite taste of blood, nothing more. Thus, when a disgusting man attempted to sell him slaves while referring to them as cute pets, he scoffed.

"Please forgive me, my lord." You knelt on the ground, begging for forgiveness. This is something that happens almost every day, only this time it's not in the private room. "You fucking bitch! Can't even handle such small things?" With a fierce motion, he hurled the glass from his grasp towards your back. The shards erupted into a cascade, leaving your back abruptly stained with crimson. The man's thunderous rebuke and your sweet scent seized Yeosang's focus, revealing you in tears, quivering with emotion.

You did nothing wrong, only rejected to provide a special service to the client. But you were beaten and punished severely for this very reason.

"Useless bitch!Send her to jail!" It was a fate far worse than death, yet you chose to endure it. Opting for a torturous demise would have been a better decision, sparing you from the company of those repulsive men, literally.

As you were on the brink of being whisked away, a figure seized your wrist with an unexpected grip. His skin radiated an unusual chill, starkly contrasting with that of ordinary individuals. Locking eyes with his piercing crimson gaze sent a shiver coursing through you, leaving you with an unsettling sense of foreboding.

You knew he was a vampire.

"Release her." Yeosang said, his voice tingled with a hint of impatience. He found himself puzzled by his own curiosity, but never mind, it wasn't a big deal anyway. "Who are you?Huh?A popinjay?" The man chortled heartily, devoid of any sense of admiration as he gazed upon Yeosang's opulent ensemble. "A man you will regret for angering him forever." The man trembled at the mere sight of Yeosang, no words necessary, as his presence alone exuded power and authority.

"Release her and don't make me twice." Yeosang warned him with a deep voice, making the man swallow hard and not dare to look at him. "Re…release her…"The bindings that held your wrists captive were finally undone, and he delicately lowered your hands, as though he feared causing you any discomfort. "Wrap yourself in this," he instructed, draping the cloak over your shoulders and giving you a reassuring pat. In that moment, he appeared to embody two distinct personas.

"I…I give her to you. How you deal with it is your business." The man turned away without looking back. Although he didn't receive the money, he didn't want any more trouble.

"He leaves and you are free now." Yeosang whispered softly, stirring your heartstring. "Take care of yourself. I gotta go."

Just as he was preparing to depart, you took hold of his icy hand and implored him, "Might I become your slave? I promise to be obedient and fulfill your every desire." Even as a creature of the night, his gentleness was a rarity among humans. You were uncertain if servitude to him was truly a blessing, but it certainly seemed preferable to a lifetime of confinement in this place.

"And would you want my blood…?" You hesitated, bowing your head, uncertain if your inquiry was too forward. "Are you aware of what you speak?" Yeosang crouched down to lift your chin, locking eyes with you. "I…I understand. You are a…vam…vampire," He appeared mildly taken aback, yet swiftly composed himself. "But don't you want to go anywhere?" You shook your head. "There is nowhere. I humbly request to remain by your side."

"Then just follow me if you're not scared." —---- You delicately sliced your wrist with the blade, allowing the crimson liquid to cascade into the crystal goblet. This exquisite feast was meticulously crafted for Yeosang each evening. He never bites you, for fear of causing you harm, and for fear of revealing his identity through visible traces.

"I'm back, Y/N." His voice resonated from a short distance, prompting you to dash towards the door. "Welcome home~" You enveloped him in a warm embrace, a delightful surprise at how eagerly you anticipated his arrival. "How was your day?" You tilted your head to capture the warmth in his affectionate gaze. "Tired." He buried his head in your neck, nuzzling like a kitten. "But I feel better after seeing you." He beamed, tenderly stroking your hair with a loving touch. The alluring scent of your skin never fails to captivate him, prompting him to rub your neck.

"You are exaggerating~I've prepared your dinner." With a grin, you assisted him in removing his attire and ensuring his comfort before making your way to the kitchen to fetch a goblet of blood. "Thank you," he expressed his gratitude with a smile as he indulged in his beverage.

He never regarded you as a mere slave, perhaps one could even argue that he treated you as a companion, or perhaps something even deeper. However, you were hesitant to entertain any further thoughts. Your fondness for him was undeniable, yet his true feelings remained a mystery to you.

After all, you were a slave from the black market, and he was your master. There was a huge gap.

"Why do you look at my face? Is it something there?" His words pulled you back to reality. "Nothing. Just watching some beautiful things." A joyful smile graced his lips, yet he soon pretended to be cold. He would not tell you he loves your praise. But of course, you knew him well.

"Allow me to assist you in getting ready for a bath." As you gracefully rose from your seat, he gently halted your movement with the sound of your name escaping his lips. "Y/N?" "How may I be of service to you?" With a tender touch, he guided you to settle on his lap, causing your eyes to widen in astonishment.

"Just stay with me for a while." Leaning his head against your shoulder, he enveloped you in his arms. Although it was not the initial occurrence of such intimacy between you two, you couldn't help but feel a rush of warmth spreading across your cheeks.

You sensed a weariness that seemed to envelop him. While human blood possesses the power to rejuvenate a vampire's vigor, your own appearance is insufficient. Perhaps he craves something more exquisite, something tantalizingly rich—heart blood. This rare elixir, the most coveted of all, manifests only when a vampire has marked their mate.

"Ma…master?" "Hm?" He murmured, slowly opening his eyes to meet your gaze, even though he was on the brink of slumber. "You mentioned that heart blood can heal a vampire. Would you like to partake of it?" He hesitated, taken aback by your unexpected question. "Yes, but this is not something you can drink just by thinking about it."

"How could I get it?" A smirk played on his lips as he heard your words. "You can't get it because you are not a vampire," "But you could get it…from me."His eyes widened, all drowsiness vanishing in an instant. "It's not kidding, Y/N. Marking hurts and you may not handle it. I don't want to harm─" You wrapped around his shoulder, silencing his words with a kiss.

This move used up all your courage.

"You saved me, and now my life belongs to you." "Won't you regret it?There is no turning back." You shook your head, gently cradling his face. "Never." Upon hearing your declaration, he pounced you onto the sofa. "Tell me if it hurts." He whispered against your lips before claiming you into a passionate kiss.

In truth, he recognized you as his soulmate from the moment your paths crossed. However, he restrained his primal instincts to mark you, for he wished to shield you from any potential harm. The painful recollections lingered in his thoughts, fueling his desire to avenge any who dared to hurt you.

"Mine." His kisses trailed down to your neck and his teeth sank into it, causing blood flow out from the wounds. You hissed at the pain and dug your nails into his nape. "Godness, you are so sweet, honey." You became a mess at his words as it was the first time he called you like this. Yeosang sneaked to your collarbone, dropping a trail of kisses while biting harshly to leave a mark.

His fingers settled under the bands of your panties after he sat up straight, tearing them into a fragment. You gasped at his sudden move, but before you could say anything, his fingers diving for your wet lower core. "Look at you, you're so beautiful." One finger being thrusted in slowly, making you bite your lips because you were not used to it. He pulled out and another finger followed, moving in and out at a slow pace.

"Gosh…" You rolled your hips and your toes curl together, feeling he go faster and deeper each time you let out a soft whimper. Throwing your head on the armrest, your face turned red as if oxygen was out of your lungs. Yeosang leaned down to sink his teeth into your skin again, the pain and the pleasure crushed you at the same time, pushing you into a total messiness.

"C'mon, honey. I know you want to cum, cum for me. Let me see what you've got." Your mouth fell into an 'O' form and a choppy moan left your lips. His fingers pushed upward to scratch your wet wall and hit your soft flesh from time to time, bringing you to the peak. "Ma…Master…!" Before you could form a complete sentence, you squirted all over his forearm and even his thighs.

"I…I apologize." You covered your face with embarrassment. "Don't say sorry, you're doing well." He removed your hand and pecked at your lips. "I just have to prepare you well. Ready for me? Angel." "Yes, yes, please." A smile played on his lips and he took off his pants, exposing himself fully.

Your lips bore the burden of his touch once more, pulled in by an irresistible warmth. His tender kisses, gentle bites, and soft sucking, along with his teasing tongue, led you to willingly follow his lead. Without hesitation, you parted your lips, granting him access to explore every inch.

His delicate touch grazed over your sensitive nerves, sending a shiver down your spine. He caressed your thighs, your derriere, before lifting them and encircling his powerful waist. In silence, he positioned himself at your entrance and entered with a powerful thrust.

A soft gasp escaped your lips, overwhelmed by his impressive size, a wave of satisfaction washing over you, leaving you momentarily breathless. Your head reclined against the sofa's edge and he began to move with a steady rhythm.

You raised your head and let out a soft sigh, your hands gently grasping the back of his head, giving him permission to carry on with his movements. The sensation of soft flesh being hitted made you blush, and your body quivered. Observing this, he playfully intensified his rhythm in that exact spot.

"Ma…master…hmm!" The sounds of pleasure echoed throughout the lavishly decorated bathroom, his passionate movements causing you to gasp in delight. "Oh…my dearest Y/N," Yeosang whispered against your chest, finding where the heart blood is. "Find it." Before you could react, he bit your chest with a great force and you screamed in pain. He pulled you up to settle you on his lap, pushing upward while drinking your blood.

In an unexpected surge, he plunged with fervor, striking precisely at the core of your being. "It hurts!!" "You can take this, Y/N." The exquisite agony enveloped your senses, clouding your awareness and ensnaring your very nerves, rendering you utterly defenseless.

Tears brimmed at the edges of your eyes, your brow knitted in distress, and a heart-wrenching cry escaped your lips, betraying your suffering. Your body quaked, slick with cold perspiration, as your limbs grew increasingly feeble. But he didn't stop, kept colliding with your deepest part without mercy by holding tight your waist.

"Be mine, Y/N." He let out a low, satisfied groan as he reached his peak deep inside you, sealing the bond. Gradually easing his pace, he withdrew from your body. As the bond solidified, Yeosang felt a surge of power, and miraculously, your complexion returned to its natural hue, blemishes vanishing, save for the scar on your chest - a testament to Yeosang's mark.

"Sorry, it hurts." You shook your head before resting on his chest. "I would do anything for you."

"Thank you, Y/N."

"I should be the one who said that. Thank you, master."

"Don't call me Master." Your gaze met again as he lifted your chin. "Call me Yeosang." He pressed his lips against yours with all his love and tenderness.

"I love you, Yeosang."

[sl8yter]

Get It Together - Mühl

Pt 1.

Nikas bestfriend Nahiem is “going through a hard time” and Nika is always there for him. Which causes a lack of presence for her gf.

TW - Angst, mentions of cheating, insecurity, nika being a meanie, and lots of audacity

Im in the mood for angst so sorry yall

Nika Muhl x fem reader

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Nika.”

….

“Baby hello?”

…

“Nika”

“Huh oh sorry bebo I was texting Nahiem” Nika replies to my endless please in an exasperated tone looking at me standing in the kitchen as I prepare our plates

Dont start and argument please Niks

“Didn’t you guys just hang out last week? You said this week it’d be about us.” I walk towards Nika setting her plate on the table in front of me

“Hes my best friend and hes going through a hard time right now. I cant just ignore him.” She says finally taking her eyes off her phone to look at me

“Yea I know and I understand that but sometimes it feels like you care about him more than you do me.”

“Well I didn’t mean to make you feel that way and im sorry you do”

I sit down frustrated at her statement slightly banging the plate against the table

“Jesus christ, please dont be like that tonight” Nika says playing with her food

“Youre right, Im sorry its just that I love you you know that I do and I wish to spend time with you but its hard to do that when your friend is dragging you off everywhere. It makes me feel ignored.”

Why am I apologizing shes the one with the attitude

“Well Im sorry you feel that way bebo im not trying to ignore you. I want to spend time with you too. But Nahiem needs me too. We’ve been friends forever you know that” Nika says staring at me with a look in her eyes. The same look she gives me whenever she just wants me to agree with her

“I need you too Nika its not fair youve guys have been hanging out too much. I mean imagine if I went to go hang out with one my guy friends every other day.”

“What the fuck are you trying to imply here” Nikas tone changes. Her syllables grow sharper and her accent comes out

Shes mad

She stares at me waiting for my reply as im silent for a moment

“Im not trying to imply anything. I just want you to understand how it looks from my perspective. Which now you clearly do. I dont think you would do that to me but I cant help but wonder sometimes. Youre always texting him and barely even texting me anymore.”

“Im not cheating on you if thats what youre trying to imply. I lost my appetite, im gonna head out.” She adds with quickness, standing up from her chair and grabbing her keys off the counter

“No you always do this. Whenever things dont go your way or I dont immediately agree with you you leave I want to talk more. I want you to understand me more.” I say chasing after her pulling her arm to make her look at me

“Well I try and you make it so difficult”

“You try? You’re kidding me. I barely see you anymore. I wake up and youre gone. I tell you I want to talk its always im busy or later im out with friends. Im trying it feels like im the only one trying anymore.”

“I try so hard you just dont see it.” She grabs my hand and squeezes it giving me a sorrowful face.

That isnt what she looks like when shes sad

“What dont I see Nika please explain to me” I ask knowing shes full of it. She just wants someone to come home to

…

Her silence makes me snap. I let go of her hand

“Im actually so tired of your bullshit. Im gonna be frank with you since you arent gonna comprehend it any other way. I love you Nika I want to work on our relationship but you have to want that too. At this point ive debated leaving and ive also debated staying in case the sweet girl I knew a year ago wanted to show up again. I think we need couples counsel-”

Im cut off by her grabbing the sides of my face and attempting to kiss me. I retract quickly and try to ask her why she did that but she cuts me off before Ieven start

“Why are you being so difficult right now.” She says giving me a look of disgust. As if a kiss or angry fuck was gonna fix this

“Fuck off Nika. You can leave. Im not the one being difficult. I really dont want to lose you but if youre gonna keep being such a dickhead to me you cant leave. Ive had enough. I try so hard to understand you and I want you to let me im but obviously that isnt gonna happen. I love you but its obvious its not reciprocal.”

“What?”

“You heard me. Leave. Get your self together then you can come back to me. Its gonna be hard to put whatever emotions you have or had for me into words but when you do and you can explain to me why you wanted to throw all this away for me for some guy who probably wants to hit and dip.” I say in the calmest voice possible holding back from yelling at her. If i yell im gonna cry and if I cry Nikas gonna hug me, then ill fold.

I cant give in this time

“Wait bebo im sorry okay I can see how much this hurts you. Lets talk this out I can stop talking to nahiem. I swear he doesnt mean anything to me. I love you let me prove it.” She says, her long and built arms trying to snake around me

“No Nika , I already tried to talk this out. Go back to your dorm, take a shower, and go to sleep. Then we can talk all you want. I need to be alone tonight” I say pushing myself off her as I walk away heading to my room

“Im sorry baby please don’t do this” She says still standing at the door

At least she respects my space

But she doesn’t respect me

“Go to bed Nika” I say before shutting my door

I hear a soft cry before the muffled sound of the door shutting and locking

I hope she does wanna talk in the morning

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Also i dont proofread my writing. I write based off what my angelic soul is telling me so if you see some mistakes or some blank spaces 🦍🦍🦍

[plutoleah]

Rockstar Revelation

Chapter 2

[Male reader-insert, amab, masturbation, reader is mistaken as a woman but doesn't correct anyone. Andrew x Male reader.]

"Andrew I didn't know that you knew how to play the electric guitar. Can you play that again? I think I have some lyrics that can go with that." Y/N smiles while Andrew nods and begins to play the same chords. Y/N waits a few seconds, trying to get into the beat, and then begins singing. "I don't know what I am, but I want you to show me. I don't want to have the capacity to feel lonely. I want you to destroy me, so I'll feel better. I don't wanna leave this moment ever, ever, ever. I wanna leave this world with you. I wanna become something better with you. I wanna fuck our bodies into broken shells. I wanna lose ourselves forever. I wanna put you in my mouth. I wanna crush you in my jaws. I wanna" Y/N stops singing after realizing what she sang and seeing Andrew looking at her.

"Sorry, I got a little into it." Y/N rubs the back of her neck, feeling a little embarrassed. "Wow, that was wow." Andrew's face looks shocked and amazing. He then brings a knuckle to his mouth and starts nervously biting it, a habit he usually has. "What's wrong?" Y/N walked closer to him.

"Nothing," Andrew responded quickly as he backed away from Y/N. "It's just that I was wondering if you want to join me for dinner." Andrew bit down on his finger so hard that blood drew out of it. "Sure, I don't mind; I've only been eating takeout, so it would be nice to eat a home-cooked meal for once," Y/N smiles, trying to reassuring Andrew. "Oh, really?" Andrew sighs out in relief. "Well, um, you know where I live, so um, I'll text you when the food is almost finished." Andrew has to stop himself from jumping up and down. "I'll see you later," Y/N smiles as Andrew walks out.

|When Andrew gets home|

"Ashley, get your ass up and help me cook," Andrew yells as he walks into the shared room. "Can't we just eat takeout?" Ashley groans as she rolls over to look at him. "Where the hell have you been?" Ashley gets up to interrogate her brother. "None of your fucking business," Andrew pushes past her to put down his guitar and then walks to the kitchen. "We have a guest, so help me cook," Andrew says, tying his hair back. "Oh my god, is it another bitch you met and also no slut you've been with liked your cooking, so I don't know what the difference would be now?" Ashley laughs at him, but stops laughing when she sees Andrew coming towards her with a knife.

"For your information, you're the one that always made them spit out the food because you overseasoned it with chili." Andrew traps Ashley against the wall, holding a knife against her neck. "Not my fault; they can't handle a little chili." Ashley wanted to kick and fight her brother, but she was scared he might actually stab her. Andrew then walked away from her to finish cutting the chicken. "So do you want me to-?" Ashley started to speak but got cut off by a glare. She waved him off and went to sit on the couch.

After awhile, the food had finally finished cooking, so he texted Y/N to come over. When Y/N arrived at the house, she rang the doorbell, which Ashley answered due to Andrew being in the bathroom. She eyed Y/N up and down. "So you are?" Ashley looked at Y/N in disgust, even though she knew exactly who was at her door. "Im (stage name), but you can also call me Y/N." Y/N smiled, trying to be as kind as possible. "Hm." She eyed her down again before being pulled by the hair by Andrew to get out of the way.

"Sorry about her, you must've been so hot waiting out here in the heat," Andrew apologized as he let Y/N in. She smiled. "People pleaser," Ashley whispered as she walked to the couch, but almost trips due to Andrew "whore." Andrew then walks towards Y/N and shows her the dining room.

Ashley got up from the couch, practically slitering her body towards the dining table. "You wouldn't want your little sister to starve, would you?" Ashley smiles while sitting next to Y/N. "So what do you like about my brother? Do you like him because of how he looks? Or do you like the way he talks? Or when you're in bed with him. Oh no, wait, its his di-" Ashley gets interrupted in the middle of her sentence due to Andrew kicking her shin. "Shut the fuck up and eat your food." Andrew glares at her. Ashley just glares back.

"Yall two are just the cutest. I used to have fights just like this when I was younger. Y/N completely ignored the context Ashley implied in her rant and ate her food with a smile. Ashley and Andrew just stared at her and then went back to eating. After everyone was done eating, Ashley went into her room while Andrew and Y/N talked. "I had a nice time. I think your sister is nice, just a little weird." Y/N smiled, and Andrew laughed. "Weird is the right word, I guess." Andrew rolled his eyes, recounting the crazy things his sister has done in the past. Y/N then leaned on Andrew and then titled her head up to give him a kiss on the cheek. "Thank's again," Y/N stepped back. "I'll call you when I get home." Y/N smiled and waved as she walked away. Feeling proud, he smiled to himself, doing something so ballsy that he was feeling a little mischievous.

When Y/N got home, he washed up and laid down. Tomorrow was the day he would tell Andrew he was a guy. Or maybe just let him find out. Y/N took out his phone and called Andrew, which he answered after a few rings. "Yeah," Andrew answered. "Just calling to tell you I got home safe." Y/N sounds energetic, while Andrew found himself sounding tired and bored, which Y/N noticed. "Oh, shit did I wake you up?" Y/N apologized. "No, no, it's fine. I'm not even sleepy." Andrew got up from his bed and walked into the living room when he saw Ashley turn and groan.

Andrew and Y/N talked for awhile, so whenever Y/N's voice started to sound more sleepy and sexy to him, he thought he was going crazy and thought he was disgusting for thinking like this, but his body seemed to disagree with him, so when he looked down, he cursed himself. "Andrew you alright, you haven't said anything." Y/N sounds concerned. Andrew responded back quickly to reassure her, but while he was talking to her, he quickly took off his pants, covering the sound with his voice. He knew what he was doing was wrong.

Andrew and Y/N talked for awhile, so whenever Y/N's voice started to sound more sleepy and sexy to him, he thought he was going crazy and thought he was disgusting for thinking like this, but his body seemed to disagree with him, so when he looked down, he cursed himself. "Andrew you alright, you haven't said anything." Y/N sounds concerned. Andrew responded back quickly to reassure her, but while he was talking to her, he quickly took off his pants, covering the sound with his voice. He knew what he was doing was wrong.

As Y/N started talking again, Andrew took his cock into his hand. All he could do was picture Y/N, her soft hands stroking him to completion, and her lips that would kitty lick the head of his cock, teasing him. The tension in his body built as he stroked himself faster as their conversation went on. "And they just kept cheering for me; it felt amazing," Y/N recounted. The sound of her voice was so nice. Andrew could feel it—the heat spreading through his body—but honestly, it went straight to his dick.

In a few quick motions, Andrew was reaching his peak. Andrew shoved his face into the couch and let out muffled moans as he came. Andrew stroked himself until he felt the right amount of sensitivity. He pulled up his pants, instantly regretting what he had just done.

"So, Andrew, do you want to go to the mall with me tomorrow?" Y/N asked while smiling at his phone, hoping to see Andrew outside work again. "Sure," Andrew answered out of breath. After Andrew got off call with Y/N, he went into the bathroom and splashed water on his face as he stared at himself in the mirror. "I can't believe I just fucking did that." Andrew pulled his eyelids down. "And I have to fucking see her tomorrow." Andrew splashed more water on his face, then turned off the faucet, turned off the light in the bathroom, and went to bed with his head in his pillow.

[sturnioloszn]

FEELINGS - N.S

summary: during a movie night with your best friend, some feelings are revealed, which may alter a relationship in both of your lives.

warnings; pretty sure there's none, it's js a fluff <3

a/n; im somewhat back lmfaoo, im js gonna try to take every day as it comes n yk js live lol. but yeah, here's a nick oneshot cos i've been slacking on him fr.

I help Nick gather all the snacks from the kitchen and bring them upstairs to his room, mindlessly dumping them on his bed. I go back downstairs to pick up the last few treats but I'm stopped by Chris before I have the chance to reach the stairs.

"Jesus, how many fuckin' snacks do y'need for a movie night kid," Chris remarks, staring at the food bundled in my arms.

"Shut up, just because your fat ass wants to eat all of it," I shoot back before sliding past him and heading back upstairs. He mumbles something under his breath but I don't have enough fucks to give about his sour mood.

Walking into Nick's room, I find him already cosied up under an avalanche of blankets with the tv remote in his hand. I smile and eagerly join him under the comforting embrace of the blankets. I open a pack of sour patch kids as I stare at the tv, waiting for him to pick the first movie.

"No way, Nick, we are not watching Coraline again," I complain, tossing a sweet at his face.

"Come onnnn, it's such a good mov- yeah if we hadn't watched it a million times already," I cut him off, knowing that he was about to start his hour long tangent about how amazing the film is.

"Fine, what do you suggest then," he murmurs, passing me the remote. I scroll through the endless catergories on Netflix, landing on a movie I've been wanting to watch forever.

"A romance? Really?" He gives me a slight side eye, before mumbling an agreeance. The movie starts, an up-beat track playing in the background as the characters are being introduced and the scene set.

-

An hour into the movie and the two main characters are in a heated make-out session and the camera makes sure to pick up every detail of it.

"Ugh, I don't need to see down their throats, can we skip?" Nick fake gags, grabbing the remote; I hurriedly snatch it from him before he could skip ahead.

"No way, he's sooo hot, I'd kill to be her right now," I speak, keeping my eyes strictly fixated on the screen. I catch Nick throwing me a disgusted look through my peripheral vision but shrug it off.

A few moments later and the scene is over which gives Nick the chance to speak up, "he's not even hot,"

I whip my head in his direction, jaw dropping to the ground; my ears must be decieving me or I must have heard him wrong. But my doubts are put to rest when he casually repeats his statement.

"How could you even say that?" I say, clutching my heart dramatically. He rolls his eyes before shoving another oreo into his mouth. "I know you have a thing for dilfs with moustaches but c'mon you have to admit this guy is beautiful,"

"Okay, I dont just like dilfs with moustaches, I have other types y'know," he says, speaking to me as if it were common sense. I ask him about his so-called 'wide range of types' as I shovel more disgustingly-sugary food into my mouth, waiting for him to start speaking.

"Well, I don't have specific types, but if you're hot then you're hot," he shrugs. I shake my head, telling him that I won't accept a half-assed answer like that.

"For example, my type is boys who's name begins with Chris and ends in Sturniolo," I joke, instantly breaking into a laughing fit.

"You're not even funny," Nick says, letting a smile creep onto his face. "Fine, my type is my bestfriend's brother," he says, now laughing himself.

My laughs instantly die down and I look at him in revulsion. "Oh my God, don't even say that as a joke, that's actually gross, Nick," I say, sticking my tongue out to really get my point across.

"Well....what if I wasn't joking," he admits, looking away from me.

The room goes quiet, and even the noise projecting from the tv fades out. "What?" I ask, thinking that I misheard him for the second time tonight.

I take the remote control and pause the movie to ensure that when he spoke again, I'd be sure to not mishear anything. There's a span of silence between us, which seemed to last an eternity, almost making my ears ring.

"I know we said we wouldn't fall for eachothers siblings but.....well actually, he made a move on me first so technically you should be mad at him?" He defends, not stating a real reason of why he has feelings for MY BROTHER.

"Are you joking or are you serious?" I ask, still in absolute shock about what he was currently admitting.

"I'm serious; but if it makes you feel better, I rejected him because of our deal, doesn't mean I still don't have feelings for him though," he says, finally forcing himself to look at me. My expression softens when I realise that he really did like him and he rejected him all to keep our promise.

"Nick, I know we made that deal but I can't pick and choose who you have a relationship with. I want to see you happy, even if it means it's with my brother," I roll my eyes playfully, giving him a small smile.

He shifts under the blankets and quickly pulls me into a hug, whispering a soft 'thank you' into my hair; I smile and warmly hug him back.

I can't control who he has feelings for and if it happens to be my brother than I guess I'll just have to deal with it because my bestfriend's happiness means more to me than some silly promise we made years ago.

"But just for the record, Chris is fair game now," I grin, pulling away from the hug. Now it's his turn to roll his eyes dramatically.

We resume the movie but it's playing more as background noise for our gossiping. The rest of our night consists of talking about the feelings they share for eachother, the entire rejection story, and even some silly texts to my brother.

I know I should be disgusted or even a little upset by the idea of my older brother and bestfriend dating but if it makes both of them happy then who am I to stop them?

a/n; this is my first oneshot in a hot minute so don't tell me it's bad (i alr know it is 😭). lmfaoo anyway, i'll aim to post a matt smut toms in honour of it being xmas eve but if i don't then don't bomb my house and kill my parents.

Taglist; @idrk2292 @clairesxo @mattsfavseason @045696 @forgottxen @mattsturniolover @imjusthereforthesturniolosmut @chrissturniolodailysluts @sturnobsessedwh0re

[mihiigonscepaternampeccavi]

It should’ve been me.

Very short—

Mammon angst/fluff lmao this is old? I only finished it now

——————————————————————————————

“MAMMON HOW COULD YOU DO THIS?!?! ACTUALLY NO! WHY DID I EVER TRUST YOU! YOU LYING SCUM!” Levi screamed relentlessly, the others glaring, some joined in.

“Leviathan, stop, I’ll punish him myself.” Lucifer said, disgusted as he looks at Mammon.

“No, he needs to know! That he doesn’t deserve to live! That- Levi screamed, “LEVIATHAN ENOUGH!” Lucifer bellowed yet Levi disobeyed.

Mammon looked at him, dead in the eye his hands shaking, his eyes glassy and red.

“YOU SHOULD’VE— “Shoulda died instead of Lilith.” Mammon muttered yet everyone heard.

Silence followed and all that was heard, were Mammon’s breathless pants.

“Mammon, don’t say that… it’s not funny.” Beel whispered tears forming in his eyes. “Why?! Because i’s true? ‘S it hurting ya?!” Mammon shouted his tears flowing freely, his grin wide and delirious.

“Don’t speak to Beel that way.” Belphie snarled embracing Beel protectively. “Why shouldn’ I? Ya guys do it allll the time, I should at least get that, right?!” Mammon laughed,

“But o’ course I don’, ‘M jus some scum of the Devildom who decided ta take care for yall! I don’ matter to any of ya so none of ya matter to me.”

“Mammon.” Lucifer glared yet inside his heart ached.

“What? Ya gonna hang me from the ceiling or are ya gonna copy Michael and lock me in a small room without food for months? Cause yer jus’ like ‘im!” Mammon howled and ripped off his shirt.

“Ya wanna know where I got these from?! Ya wanna know why my secondary win’s never sprouted?!! Cause o’ ‘im! Cause o’ Michael!”

“Ya know what? wish I stayed with Michael!!! If I did maybe I wouldn’ be stuck in this hellhole with y’a bastards!!!” He ran. Ran out of the house, slamming the door.

Vowing to never step inside the house of lamentation ever again.

He kept that promise, since from that day on the avatar of greed was reported to have been taken away, up in the sky. Away from the pain. Michael reformed and was forever making it up to Mammon. Perhaps it wasn’t all so bad for the newly appointed Angel of generosity.

[sophisticatedgia]

Change is coming. I can handle it.

I've reached my goal weight of 139-140 lbs. I am 5'7. That is the lowest I'm going to go. Ideally I would love to be 129 but I'm not 25 anymore. In the past, anti psychotics made me gain a lot of weight. I got up to 181 pounds on risperidone. Abilify has helped me lose some of the weight gained on anti psychotics. My beginning weight, before anti psychotics, was 134. That's ok. I don't need to go that low. I am happy. Now, I must maintain this weight. I am ok and positive with being anything under 144. This is my sensation of myself and comfort within my own body. I am not saying one cannot be comfortable or happy with themselves at higher weights.

Lately I've been eating broccoli, copious amounts of protein bars and bananas, once regular Mac and cheese, occasionally sweets but in small portion, and "Amy's" vegan tv dinners.

The foods I've dropped are oatmeal, taco bell, and chips w cheese and sour cream. I used to eat tons of chips cheese n sour cream. And tons of bean and cheesy rice burritos extra jalapeno sauce. My unsafe foods are noodles and chips, burritos and French fries. And Im wondering if oatmeal provides me with too much fiber tho it's incredibly wholesome and comforting.

Lately I've been highly caffeinated. Tomorrow is day one, one caffeinated beverage per day. Tomorrow is going to be day two of me not picking and peeling my hands and fingers. I am looking to God to help me with all this and more, and to maintain my goal weight. Our Heavenly Father can feed my appetite with his loving solace when I want to binge and purge. I am recovering from bulimia and binge eating disorder. Was anorexic in my younger years.

I luckily haven't had an oculogyric crisis in about a month or so. Thank you God for this peace you've bestowed upon me. I know there may be battles yet to come, that I will endure and overcome.

I am wearing my white touch screen gloves in picture. It is polite to do so and soothing for my hands. An anon message told me that I was disgusting for not taking precautions with my hand issues. I am now taking anons advice and doing the best I can.

I walk with my backpack everywhere I go because I'm prescribed Benadryl and hydroxyzine for when I have oculogyric crisis, and never know when one may happen. I keep my sparkly gold wallet in there and a few rose quartz. My sleep schedule is so good, and oculogyric crisis is something I can handle, so I don't believe I will be switching to vraylar(a more expensive new anti psychotic) I don't like change, especially if it includes insomnia.

My boyfriends been very sweet and manning up. What I mean by that is he is doing what he said he would do, giving me a deep tissue massage every other night. He has begun to cease his irritations and behaves more enduring and patient with me. We love each other very much.

I thought to myself , oh October first, it's my chance to escape him! Every beginning of the month is a possible plan to leave him. But I don't want to. The tenderness between us is holy.

I may keep reblogging some quote on here about hands gentle as snow. Because I'm trying to have compassion towards myself and heal my hands. I'm trying to see myself as somebody worth taking care of properly, in a mature and healthy-not scary-manner. Gentle , tender , sacred .

I know it's rude of me to say I may leave him, but if push comes to shove i shall. I don't want to though. I want to be with him forever.

Ok so I saw my parents the other day and brother and dog. It was a good visit. I got the 🦇 bat 🦇 leggings as previously pictured from mom. They are super soft. I helped wash my dad's bedding, did the dishes, took out recycling, threw away trash around the house, swept the kitchen. And spent quality time with my dog, buddy. It was a nice visit tho short.

I wish I could be a good daughter so badly. They think good of me. But if I were truly good I would move back in with them and help them everyday. I chose my mate. Like I said he recently got a Mohawk and that's my fave haircut on men. He looks so sultry. Can sultry be used to describe a man? I mean he's smokin hot!

Ok. I am fearing the change ahead of me, but with faith in my own goodness and Gods love for me, I shall do what Im able.

I want to say if my relationship gets worse, I will try therapy again. If I keep picking my hands, I will try therapy again.

I am going to be a healthy , humble , sophisticated , imperfect woman. I believe I am ADHD autistic. My psychiatrist says that I very well may be autistic. But they don't do tests for that there. Tests are overstimulating or nerve-wracking for me anyway.

Sorry for writing so much but two mutuals seemed to miss my writing.

Today my walk to the vape shop was so nice. The clouds swirling white and blue in tender waves of slow motion. I think my fave colors are truly white and blue. And grey, black, brown. I'm getting a pink neck scarf though. Cus princesses wear pink. 🩷

Thanks for reading or jus looking at da pix. Love yall. You are precious. You are sacred. Never give up on yourself.

[gabessquishytum]

im practically obsessed with teenage dream (haha), older sister death, and friend of death hob. maybe for the winter holidays dream goes back home to his parents' to take time off for uni (he lives with death because it's "easier to commute to class since she lives closer" but really its just to get away from his parents. who dont really care), death obviously goes with him because that's her family too, and she asks hob to tag along since she caught wind of the business with his late wife and son and thought he might benefit from some family time during the holidays. even if the family really fucking sucks. like a lot. but all that to say that when dream *finally* works his little slutty 18 year old seductress magic on hob, it isnt death who catches them in the act but virtually anyone else in the family. imagine the scandal!! death brought home a friend her age and everyone assumed they were dating but keeping it on the DL only for hob to...cheat on her of all people?? with DREAM??

i dont know whos reaction would be more interesting tbh. obviously we know death would have some strong words for hob, and desire would probably make some comment about how hob is dilfy enough that yea they get it, just not on the couch next time they take selfies for instagram there because the lighting is good, be considerate. maybe hob just fucks dream in the living room and they get caught when everyone else in the family comes in to like...hang out. i dunno but them getting caught is both very sexy and very funny

I'm so obsessed with Dream working his slutty little magic so that Hob’s brain just fucking melts and he becomes the most stupid bastard ever to exist. Like the whole family are watching a movie, and it's all dark and cozy and Dream insisted on sitting next to Hob - practically in his lap, actually, because there really isn't a lot of room on the sofa! They're snuggled under a blanket and Dream has somehow managed to get Hob’s dick in his arse without alerting any suspicion... meanwhile Hob has to pretend that he's crying about the sappy Christmas movie to disguise the fact that he's whimpering and groaning as Dream shuffles around on his cock.

The whole fam goes out for a walk and Hob stays behind, only for Dream to sneak back from the walk early so they can fuck. They're literally doing it on the kitchen table and unfortunately Dream’s noises are so loud they don't hear the rest of the family coming back inside.

Death totally gives Hob the slap that he definitely kinda deserves... Despair is gagging because that's the table where people eat food, Dream, thats disgusting!! Hob just wants an opportunity to pull his jeans up, please, he'll literally leave if they want him to but can he please not have his dick out right now?? Desire is like nah I want to look at it a while longer teehee.

Is Dream sorry for traumatising his siblings? Nope, not even a little bit. He's sitting there like the cat who got the cream. He knows that Hob isn't going to give him up now he's had a taste. Plus Death won't stay mad at them forever, Dream is her favourite brother and Hob is her best friend.

(Hob is allowed to stay for the holidays, BTW. With the caveat that if anyone sees him doing more than holding Dream’s hand, his butt is getting kicked out into the snow).

[flockofdoves]

the good news is that apparently me and my gf are now in the clear to donate/sell/throw out whatever of my roommates stuff and that the property manager and another person came yesterday with a pick up truck to take away some of her disgusting furniture to the dump and will come back another day to pick up more of it. and he said once her room is clean they can bring an ozone thing into her room on a day when we're out to clear up all the cigarette smell clinging to the room

the bad news is that me and my gf are still having to clean up all her room and its such a nightmare bc for every trashbag we fill theres another food container full of live maggots we find and theres just such an absurd amount of trashbags in front of our residential trash pickup garbage bin and i just do not think we have the resources or ability or time to fully clean this room without this nightmare dragging on forever while i'm also so fucking busy with work and school right now

i emailed him asking about the potential for professional cleaning and havent gotten a response bc its the weekend so maybe this will change but im just so so overwhelmed and sad about how long this has all dragged out in various forms. its clear theres an ending now but i just wish it had been ages ago and its still not clear when that will be or how ill have the capacity to manage that while succeeding in all my other responsibilities rn

[ele-sme]

thanks to @mochalottie and her beautiful fan fiction (for the nights and days of life) i wanted to re-watch dragon trainer, now you guys got this, and part two of Konuv . 

Not a 15-year-old befriending a dragon he just met.

moments before disaster

THE DISGUST IN THEIR EYES

petting time!

discovery drug!

“ohh shiny point”

fake

bro snook in the dragon 💀

bro must thought his son died or somthing

“you can't dream with open eyes!” look at him.

UHH SHUT UP THE GOOD PART CAME IN

THE SOUND TRACK YESSS

hiccup: :D

Toothless: :0

“since when food can walk???”

bully

 did bro just befriended a dragon he just met? AGAIN?

totally me when i study latin

is this a coming out scene or what?

no seriously is it?

did bro just hit him?! IMCALLINGCPS

well this is awkward

okay hiccup, okay

awkward again

did she just death threat the chief son??? INFRONT OF EVERYONE?!

still thinking he should have got away fr

majestic

he was ready to throw hands

why tf did he pick her? didn't he want to go away not even 5 minutes before? also, who would have believed her?

this is just so funny, look at how toothless looks at her, and look at how she can clearly fall and hiccup is just "now we are going to make you flight a little, and then u will fall in love with me"

toothless knew what he was doing

mosquitos coming in the second the door is open

they were shocked

are you fr astrid?

"yes" you are killing me

this looks so fake i swear

"damn"

half of the speech was about insulting his own son, Infront of the entire village.

dramatic enter

bro is lucky he is the main character, because trying to bond with the dragon in front of the ENTIRE village/clan is brave

mood braker

“Something just happen to my human!”

this is so cool, unreal it was 2010

“my bad bro”

bro just had an idea

how tf dare you? Asshole bastard dirty old fucker moron go fuck yourself jackass yokel that your own wife preferred 21 years with dragons then to stay with you, get lost Muthafucka

“oh no i fuck up”

“oh well the show must go on”

“wait till next movie”

just kiss already, btw their wasn't an enemies to lover, she was literally bullying him

best friends forever squad is here

look at this dumbass genuinely happy, how adorable

cool

husbands

this describe itself

wow, just wow

this hurts

"What do you mean? my mate is here, wait hold my wing"

“see?”

"tf do you mean? Of course I brought him back alive"

“i guess im a father of two now”

“wake up bro”

“tf do yo want?!”

SURPIRSEEEE

aww look toothless and footless

INFRONT OF HIS FATHER?!

[vampireexia]

doing this cuz its fun LOL

1. 158cm and 61kg

2. 158cm :3c I wish I was taller,,

3. god I wish I had a flat stomach and visible ribs

4. Constantly dizzy

5. im doing it for me and my crush, I believe I will be more likeable when im thinner, i also want to prove that I can be thinnest in the family and skinny in general.

6. yes, I had BED when i was 14 and its stuck around, im mostly bulimic atm with attempts at restricting

7. they don't know! They just think I randomly lose weight every summer LOL

8. abs and thighs atm, mostly leg lifts, then yoga and anything to help constipation, oh and jumping rope and walking for tons of calories burned

9. god yes, I know I look disgusting when im heavier but damn, can people keep it to themselves...

10. My joy for cooking

11. idk i like any bonespo twitter account :3c

12. Lots of fruits and vegetables, thats the main part of my diet

13. unhealthy LOL, ive never been able to lose weight in a healthy way

14. 45kg, ive had that goal since I was 11 but I hope to reach it this year <3

15. im vegan! been for 7 years now! it def helps me lose weight I think

16. when i was around 10 or 11 :] saw the number 45kg and,, been addicted ever since

17. yes lol

18. fatty foods,, like chips,, i can never stop eating them if I start

19. yesterday :")

20. Mid restriction with a focus on fibres

21. usually small in tops and medium in bottoms atm

22. 46kg :")) damn I miss that weight, i gained because i recovered lol

23. YES, Especially victoria secret models,, and nickelodeon actors were SO thin I was so sad and confused why i didnt look like them

24. I feel like they are for anyone who has an ED and doesnt want to recover yet :]

25. Yes im a big time purger, first times i barely got anything up but felt sooo proud, first time i got most of it up was magical, forever love you carbonated beverages and icecream

26. fitting into clothes and looking amazing, getting compliments, being able to cosplay again and look good, have my mind shut up for once

27. I eated it.... :( or purge/ chew and spit

28. YES! i would love it i would look so gorgeous

29. im actually really accepting of everyone being beautiful :") just not me LOL, for myself ill be beautiful when im skinny

30. i grew up in germany, i own a cat, im the skinniest in my family,im second tallest in my family, im nonbinary and bi, ive never been healthy abt weighloss, im always a big time purger i barely can restrict, i got to my lowest weight by restricting tho, I love doing questionaires all in one go so my stats are still the same, I suffer from OCD which is very related to my ED :]

[gratisdiamanten]

Refilling @intobluewater's fantastic request bc Im autistic and completely misunderstood them but here!!

"You're so—fucking unfair to me. Daniel," Max says, hissing, trying to wrench his arm out of Daniel's iron grip. It hurts. Daniel's pressing in little livid spots. The grass is swirling thick around them. Max will have to check his legs for ticks, when he gets back. Nearer the tree line, it's dark, but it grows paler and warmer closer to the camp. Daniel's hand almost opens, then closes again. Squeezes. His jaw flexes with the grit of his teeth.

"You're thirteen, Max. I'm not about to let you do anything like that. Fuck. Are you crazy? Like did he make you? Are you just insane?"

"Why do you get to," Max spits, "and I don't."

Daniel wheels around and lets go of his arm. Max imagines that a patina of disgust builds on the planes of his face. Shadows passing over them. Birds. "I know we don't have mirrors everywhere, but I know you're not blind. You're a kid. I'm twenty-one, I'm an adult. I make fucking adult decisions."

"I killed that guy for you," Max hisses. "Is that a little kid thing?"

"You know what is? Shit. The baby fat on your face. If I knew I wouldn't get us thrown out I'd beat the piss out of that piece of shit."

"Why don't I get to," Max says, lip wobbling. "There's you and that girl."

"You know Monica isn't any girl, Max, she's good to you too," Daniel tries, voice tired.

"I don't care," Max says, starting to cry now. "I don't care, I don't care, just let me have what I want." He thinks he looks stupid but he's past caring about that either.

Daniel looks pained, buries his face in his hands. Max might be a bad person, he thinks, for not caring that his feelings are hurt. His hands slide back, grip his dark hair, pulls like he's trying to hurt himself. "You don't know what you want, come on."

"I know always," he says stubborn again, gasping to stem the tears. He almost cuts his palms with the pressure of his fingernails. "Of course I know."

"You can have those things when you're old enough, okay? I know it's none of my business, but please. Max. Please understand. I've tried—I've taken care of you forever, just. Please. Leave Monica out of this."

"Why does she get to," Max tries, cleaning his face with his sleeves. Daniel breathes in sharply and groans like he's trying not to cry.

"Just please listen to me, Max. I love you, okay? You'll get it eventually, just. This one thing, please, just this one thing for me."

Max's throat feels like he swallowed a dozen marbles. The lamps and fires of the camp begin to glow in the gathering dark. Gathering like water in a puddle. "Daniel."

Daniel turns and squeezes his shoulders. His eyes are so big. He has bright eyes, with long lashes, even if he looks very very tired. "You know I love you. I'm saying you can't because I love you. Please tell me you get it."

"I'm trying," Max says, his chest hurting, his arm hurting. It grips and clutches the soft places in his throat. He read once in a book this feeling could kill you.

"Just breathe, okay? I'll give you some of my food, help you grow up faster, hey?" He's trying to joke, Max knows. He's trying to be normal again, like Max doesn't think he might drop at any moment. He tries to like the feeling. He tries to breathe enough.

[shmingleping]

I can't do this shit anymore. I just can't take it. I'm in the worst mental and emotional pain that I feel I've ever been in, and that says a fucking lot considering how bad it's gotten in the past. And im on my own with it. I don't know what to do with the massive amount of embarrassment, shame, guilt, and deep self-hatred. I don't feel it's possible to forgive myself and move forward from the fact that I completely fucked up my life; not only that but I did nothing about it for over 10 years which just allowed me to get worse and worse without fully knowing how badly I ruined myself until now, all just because I was afraid of doing the simple things people have to face everyday knowing they were probably unsure and scared as well but knew it would only be temporary and that that jump into the unknown wouldn't last forever and would actually lead them to more happiness than they ever thought possible. How can I forgive myself for ruining the years of my life that are usually dedicated to finding yourself, having new interesting experiences, learning so much more than what just a classroom could teach, going out of your comfort zone, and making the kind of friends you usually get to have for a lifetime? I can't. I can't tell myself that it's ok that I didn't get to do that, most especially because I'm the entire reason why it didn't happen. I've been alone for so long, that anytime anyone, like random strangers or someone from my past pops up in my life (whether their doing or by my seeking them out) I try so hard to hold on to them in such a way that I become the worst possible toxic kind of person who more than likely ends up driving them away by my words or actions... even if they treated me poorly at some point I am willing to take any kind of human interaction that isnt from the only person I actually have in my life (my mom) . Who I love (do I even now what love is? I feel like I'm just a fake, selfish, manipulative piece of shit person) She's so kind to me but I don't deserve it. By fucking up my life I unintentionally ended up completely ruining hers too. She isn't living the life she wants, and that's so fuckjng unfair of me to do to her, especially when I take into account the shit she had to deal with in her life before I took her dreams and threw them away simply because I was selfish and scared and fucking stupid. I hate myself. Even if somehow for whatever reason all of that could be "fixed" I still wouldn't be able to move passed those emotions of hate toward myself. I hate the way I look. Everything from head to toe is grotesque. I'm fuckibg disgusting. No amount of healthy food or workouts and weight loss will make that change. My mind and personality are also such shit I can't stand it. I just want to crawl into the enormous hole I started digging for myself 12 years ago and never have to come out. My life will never be what I wish it was. I've done too much damage and wasted too much time. I was doomed from the start just by being who I am. I just wish I could cease to exist without hurting anyone (aka mom; no one else will care I i can promise you that). I fucking hate myself so much I can physically feel it. I shouldn't exist. I should have never have existed. Fuckjng kill me.

[summertimeskinney]

lol just ranting

anyone else at the point where they are just maintaining even tho they arent even close to their ugw? bc im 130 rn and maintaining it but my ugw is at least 74/75 but im just at the point where im not always completely disgusted by my body because im looking at it more subjectively and i dont think i would look good skin and bone.. honestly i dont even know why im doing this anymore. Like i dont even remember why i started doing this in the first place. my hw was like 150-160 and the only reason i became aware of my weight was because authority figures in my life were pointing it out (according to my bmi i was only slightly overweight) I started losing weight rapidly in freshman year because i discovered proana and found a community of people who were in the same situation. and i was praised.. by everyone? i was starving, then i was binge/purging. how did i even end up like this? i mean ive never really had the best relationship with food but i was only overeating a bit. now i eat until i feel so sick that i puke or am in physical pain. i can make myself throw up on demand now? ive gone literal days without eating anything. like nothing at all besides diet soda, sugar free monster, and water. im at the point where my brain is in a constant battle between the decision to binge or starve. i'll just be minding my business than my brain will be like "if you were 80lbs it wouldn't be this way" or "you're so fat, it wouldn't even be hard to be 100lbs or less. like. what are you doing? why are you so heavy and gross?" it won't stop. and instead of starving like i used to i just binge, like all day. and i dont purge either.. i don't even know whats going on anymore. im not depressed like i used to be, but i can't get the thoughts out of my head. i guess you really are in it forever? i never really believed all the warning posts about how bad eds are and how you can never go back, or maybe i just ignored them. i cant even fathom what i really look like. i have body dysmorphia in all the ways. not only do i think that despite being 5' tall and 130 lbs i would fit into anything bigger than a small. i feel gross, but ik that when i go to the doctor she's going to say that i need to lose more weight because im 2 lbs from being in a normal bmi rage. despite my titties literally weighing almost 10lbs. but then i already have troubles fitting into clothes, most places don't carry more than a small or xs in person and almost never go over a small online. i am already an xs - small as an "overweight" person. I cant imagine how hard it would be to find clothes that actually fit me at 75 lbs soaking wet. i saw a video by jesse page today talking about how she always thought that to be a princess she had to be as delicate as possible and never take up space, but then how after gaining weight she fit her princess dresses better and relearned how to feel beautiful. i want to be a delicate little doll that you could toss around and never took up a whole seat. a pretty little doll that you had to be extra careful with because you didn't want me to break. ik its not good to feel this way but i can't change the temptation to forever be empty, live off candy and diet coke, and never eat real food again. to be more of an object than a human being. but then the logical side of my brain pipes in and is like hi, i dont care what i weigh but i want to have a strong healthy body with some good biceps. i dont know how to help myself or be normal.

anyways

im fasting n laxing tmrw bc i need a cleanse. lol bye

[onmymasa22]

Hi shabbos was great

One day ur gonna meet skmeones who is just gonna want to take care of you. For someone to

If anyone out there loves the taste of cigarettes- an Affogato of pistachio gelato in espresso- exact

Ur married with kids cuz gd gave u that gift. He gave me different gifts. It doesnt mean that my life will be any worse than yours. He gave the gift of being best friends with the ones i go to school with. A job that means something. Getting two degrees where i learn about myself. An apartment that i can afford. He gave me the gift of self worth. The gift of desiring learning and likkng to be jewish. The gift of believing in him. The gift of moving to a foreign country at 20. I havent had my sweep me off my feet pancakes on Friday love story yet. I have had a spectacular life though. Life is exceptional. My story is my story.

I feel like my body is so tired. I just want to sleep every time i can. Like i do school and i do work.

My body is tired

Like someone who has lived 4 lifetimes

I say 4 because im not exhausted

Just tired enough to be disappointed in myself

Just tired enough to wonder why i can be in my last year of school getting not one degree but two, show up on time to wirk without fail. See friends and be there for them completely. But the idea of taking a shower feels too much.

אנחנו מאמינים בני מאמינים ואין לנו לאן להישען אלא אלא על אבינו אבינו שבשמים

אנחנו מאמינים בני מאמינים ואין לנו על מי להישען אלא אלא על אבינו אבינו שבשמים

אנחנו מאמינים בני מאמינים ואין לנו על מי להישען אלא אלא על אבינו אבינו שבשמים

For anyone right now who is too busy to eat normal people food, i see u. Busy can look like depression, it can look like debilitating adhd, it can look like breaking in a new pair of boots. My busy is all of that plus peopley things, plus finishing up two bachelor degrees in a foreign language, plus a job taking care of old people with mental illnesses. So food has gone on the back burner and im accepting it. When i ate good food im grateful and when i eat crap i just hope for the best. Because yah. Im busy. But my busy isnt the same as the next persons amd you might not know cuz i dont complain and i want whoever im with to feel like i have all the time in the world to be with them and theres nowhere else id rather be.

Is it normal to be a delight of a person. Im not loyal.

Im kind, nice, empathetic. I'm incredibly empathetic. Like hugely.

Do word by word

People who talk about nova. I dont know ur story, who u knew. I had friends there. And hearing about it makes me cry. I felt my eyes well up with tears from it. It was too much.

And also, you want to talk about chareidi ppl? Shame on you for talking this way about another jew. I can assure u thats shes not sitting at the shabbos table and talking about u. Ur feel like ur saying something for the sake of hashem, no. Its for ur egotistical opinion because u think ur right and shes wrong. Im saying for the sake of hashem, im so sorry this girl next to me is saying these things about another jew. Im disgusted by that. Shame on u.

I might be very direct. I don't talk to ppl who are below me. I dont talk to people who are uglier than me. And im not so desperate for friends that i need half humans in my life. No half decent, no half normal. Nothing. I am not apposed to blocking ppl. Im not apposed to cutting people off. U bother me, ur gone. I dont need u, i dont need ur memory. I dont need any of it. Life is too short to have ppl around me who are no good. I dont want negetivity. I dont want bad

When u tell urself ur gonna have a day of working on all the art things. But ur best friend who lives in the middle of nowhere says she coming to Jerusalem for an appt at 10am, so u meet her there, ice cream date, and then u decide on a whim to go back to her place. So before u know it its 6pm and ur in the middle of nowhere, u havent eaten lunch yet, and work tells u to show up at 8pm. U eat a sandwich

u havent seen ur best friend in forever cuz she lives in the middle of nowhere.

When ur on the balcony drinking coffee and then out of no where, because u just went with the flow of the things, ur in ofra coloring with ur best friends kid's, re-getting to know them as little boys instead of babies, then u come back and discover u have a shift at 8pm for work. And all of this came after u promised urself that u would spend the day working on school... at least theres always next week

Bagels tuna cheese