#im busy doing what i want for a change
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been in a yuuji mood
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#itadori yuuji#yuji itadori#sorry fr being quiet ive been a. busy w lmhs and b. in the emotional trenches#on the bright side tho arcane is out and i am once again attempting 2 channel a even a fraction of its art style#it is simply the natural order of things: arcane season drops and i am overcome with the urge to Paint#idk what they r feeding their artists and animators over there but its so gorgeous idk how they do it#regardless im thankful bc it feels like ive been so turbulent w where my style is#one second i love it the next i want to change everything about it#such is life such is growth#shoutout 2 yuuji fr being such a good guinea pig tho <3#him and the colour red. if no one got me ik itadori yuuji and the colour red got me
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I've seen a lot of different takes on Fear Toxin/other fear causing stuff (Yellow Lanterns Ring or something)(later just called Fear Toxin cause I'm lazy) but here is another one.
Danny seems like he isn't affected by Fear Toxin because his biggest fear is that his accident changed him so much he is no longer human, he can no longer truly experience human things.
So when he gets lungful of fear Toxin, he feels normal. He was antsy before, because c'mon, it's a rogue attack but it's not worse. Or so he thought. Because the anxiety lingers. Not enough to register as abnormal just this slight hypervigilance that makes you see things about yourself and your surroundings that you'd never realize otherwise. He'd realize he doesn't blink as often. He'd realize that if he doesn't consciously focus, he sometimes seems to not touch the ground. Forgets to breathe. He can't feel his own pulse at time. He'd realize people will miss him when he's walking down the street as if he was invisible (people just don't care about everyone they pass by). When he'd look straight into his reflection, he'd look slightly to the left. Not enough to actually name anything that was wrong but just stretched enough to fall on the wrong side of the uncanny valley. If he just caught his reflection in the peripheral vision, it'd be vaguely shadowy creature with glowing green eyes and white smoke instead of hair. Overall he'd be just wrong enough to be distinctly not human.
For everyone else, he'd be just a dude. Literally couldn't find more normal dude than this dude. Will pass as absolutely normal human unless someone is specifically looking for ecto-ghost stuff. Even most magic users wouldn't clock him at the glance
Tldr: Fear Toxin makes Danny perceive himself as some sort of eldritch horror but not enough to make him believe he'd actually be affected, while from outside perspective he's Just A Dude™
#dpxdc#dc x dp#dp x dc#dcxdp#fear toxin#please no Ghost King#nothing against this au but i don't think it'll mesh well woth this idea#probably works best with danny soon after accident#maybe still believing all of his parents anti-ghost propaganda#that'd add to angst for sure#idk why he is somewhere where he could be affected#idk who would realize something is wrong#up to whoever wants to do expand on this prompt#he'd cry when someone tells him he's been in fact affected by fear causing thing#because this means he *is* human and while he was fundamentally changed by his death#it didn't fully get rid of his humanity#but he won't tell that too busy being relieved so whoever delivered the news would be in for the ride#actually it'd be cool if it was someone who has superpowers but they showed up later in their life#parallels y'know#... i may still not be normal about “i wonder what could lie beyond infinity” by Numinous_Scribe on ao3...#top notch fic go read it great Clark characterization#anyway because plot kinda escaped me#hope this idea scratches someone's creative braincell or something#im curious what y'all will make out of it#yellow lantern#have a nice day dear stranger who got to this part
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late night chat
#meeple.png#inanimate insanity#inanimate insanity invitational#ii oj#ii mephone4#ii mephoj#not inherently shippy but it is based on the weird gay little version of iii in my head#anyway i think they should've had some kind of summer romance in iii that changes their view on their lives forever#and leaves them haunted by eachother in a way that neither will want to address but it sticks with them#oj is Stuck in his shitty hotel job and kind of caged himself into that the more he insists its Just the way it is and hes fine with it#while mephone has simply gotten used to running away and hiding as much as he can#neither are good coping mechanisms but the kind of experience and perspective they have could be exactly what they need to hear#oj needs to Fucking Quit while mephone needs to let himself find community and let others know him#so he doesn't feel like he Has to run or he Has to do it alone#oj has connections albeit some messier than others#and hes a bit of a bitch but definitely more liked than mephone#and mephone has the If It Sucks Hit The Bricks mentality and the bluntness to get that through to oj#oj also has the perspective of being a s1 vet which means he has a very different view on mephone than others might#and that could do some good in getting through to mephone how his host behavior can negatively affect the contestants involved#mephone views oj as more equal to him as theyre business partners. hes very friendly to him (even if one sided.) he might just listen#sorry if this rant is redundant btw im not reading back any of this HAHA
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Like, I went out to lunch with some friends the other day, and while the rest of them wanted to go hang out some more after the lunch, I said nope! Bye! I’m going to the thrift store next door then I’m going home and playing stardew valley. Later that day, one of them texts me asking if I was okay because “I left quickly”. Like bruh, I was the first to show up, and just because I didn’t drag my feet out of there doesnt mean that I didn’t enjoy your company, or that something is wrong, I litterly just wanted to go home and play stardew valley, and I would have liked to do it w/out getting interrogated on whether I was okay or not because I didn’t jump at any opportunity to extend time together
Hate how society has somehow deemed being not available, but also not doing anything else “important” as an indicator that something is seriously wrong. Just because I am not doing anything else doesn’t mean that I am automatically available to talk and hang out with, and just because I want to be alone doesn’t mean that anything is wrong. I’m an introvert! I like and I thrive having alone time! Not wanting to have a 2 hour+ conversation at 9 pm when I worked my customer-facing job for 8 hours earlier doesnt mean that I’m two seconds away from having a mental breakdown, it means that I want to just hang out alone and play video games without having to pause every two seconds to respond to the latest text!
Am I not allowed to be alone without people assuming that I’m mentally not okay? Does solitude and enjoying the company of ones self make someone insane?
#also#I litterly saw and hung out with him the next day#and my other friend keeps asking me for my work schedule because she#wants to plan something#like#no#my work schedule does not indicate whether or not i am available#alone time is busy time!#im busy doing what i want for a change#instead of catering to what others want to do#she might think that going to the movies#or a museum#or theme park alone is something only lame losers do#but honestly#its one of the most freeing experiences ever#i dont have to do a single thing that I dont want to do#and I can go at my own pace#its not sad#its glorious!
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rip rodya you would've loved american psycho
#im only like 150? pages into c&p but this keeps haunting my brain so. here i guess#FUCK I JUST REALIZED I FORGOT HIS HAT#GODDAMMIT. WELL IM NOT FUCKING FIXING IT NOW#plus i havent settled on a design for him yet so itll def change. this is just to exorcise my brainworms#i dont even want to tag it skfjdkkf#i also love how one of the very first things fd did was make sure we know this guy is pretty as hell. thanks king#ugh i also forgot to add stubble whatever just take it#maybe ill redo it once ive finished it and have a better idea of what i picture him as#rodion romanovich raskolnikov#crime and punishment#back to our regularly scheduled tb/k posting soon i have 29489392 sketches im just too busy to finish them rn#anonart#rodya#alt caption: JUST BLOND BOYS DOING WHAT BLOND BOYS DO
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do you make enough money from selling prints in etsy to sustain your life? how are you able to afford this beautiful house and time to crochet and go on walks and all of that? i’m not asking for nosiness but because i’m trying to figure out what i would need to do in order to make my life financially sustainable… is art an option… etc
short answer i mooch off my bf <333333333333333
#long answer part 1: i make enough off my etsy to afford my stuff (and i really don't buy much) and help out w th food bills where i can etc#i hvnt been able to do much of that OR save anything for the past couple months bc i hvnt been selling much BUT . things are beginning#to pick up again and i hve new stock to add when i get back from holidays :3#i have a smallish job lined up from my agent which is exciting! but hopefully i will make enough w her doing picture books etc to be able#to pay my keep / save more etc! i hve been anxious abt money this past months but thats just more so money for me to spend on small stuff :#i also dont drive so . i dont rlly hve many outwards expenses . im very lucky to have him hes very kind and lovely !!#if i wasnt w him and he didnt hve a house i would still b living w my mama which i did since i left uni!#long answer part 2: i always make time for goofing off during my work day. always!!!#part of the joys of being a freelancer! i can do what i want!!#i can share my routine in more detail if u guys want but i dont start work until abt 2pm-ish most days bc i dont rlly work well in the#mornings. when i hve more work that might change!! i have enough on to keep me busy but im not rlly hvin 2 manage my time u kno#im very very lucky to be in such a comfortable position :3 i hope one day u can be as comfy !!#oh also. i think once the agency work kicks in i will b fine financially ! and also u can absolutely make a living off etsy when its good#its very good for me ! i was very comfy financially around xmas last year i made a lot#u can do it u can do it !! art will always sell !!
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yall Im so fucking tired. This month has been exhausting. I promise Im alive, just barely functional atm.
#personal#rant below#begining of the month docs said dad had less than a month. Hes still around but declining#been taking care of him and my mom#along with working full time#and my boyfriend doing his damndest to keep me busy when Im not helping with dad#which is great except Im so tired#but also I havent been able to sleep much#and I've lost my appetite which apparently is a grief thing I didn't know about#So I've managed to get all the physical grief symptoms and it is taking a fucking toll#so your girl is sleeping in tomorrow and spending the day doing my own little crafts and avoiding people as much as I can#a girl just wants some sleep and a fulfilling snack but all she is being given are slight naps and unappealing food. send help.#anyways after this experience Ive decided that I no longer give any fucks because you only live once so Im just gonna do what I want foreve#and actually live life instead of being constrained by societal standards#after all this is over of course. gotta take care of dad first#also I got to paint the door because he was sick of staring at the porch. so its a lake view now#woooo#yeah so thats my life update for you all#also I saw a girl for the first time in 9 years today who completely changed the tradgetory of my life and didn't know it. so that was fun.#exhausing but fun#also idgaf about spelling right now I am running on caffeine and pure will power atm
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i think i'm just fundamentally evil and broken ?
#went on a walk#it's so sad outside#i listened to the latest mitski album twice and i was on the verge of tears the entire time#i guess i thought time did heal old wounds but maybe ignoring and avoiding the wounds is not the same as healing them#im having thoughts and feelings that im so ashamed of#i dont feel like theres anyone i can tell this to im just afraid it'll change how they perceive me forever#im not even sure how to explain things to myself#am i normal am i wrong#all i want is to curl up into my bed and have someone take care of me#but i can't do that i need to grow up and there are things to do and i can't have everything i want always#i'll try and work on this assignement for thirty or forty five minutes or something and then ill allow myself to curl up into a ball and cr#or maybe i'll knit and watch something and get myself busy bc thats what i do#i just avoid the uncomfortable parts of myself thinking theyll go away or something#it's the greed#it's the greed.
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I'M SO BAD AT PHONE CALLS TO THE CAR PLACE HELP
#nobody laugh at me but I just accidentally scheduled an oil change#I dont need an oil change.........#I just did one two months ago and I haven't driven my own car since then!! I need a BRAKE SYSTEM EVALUATION#I do NOT actually need the oil change.. plezs.... sir i just want you to tell me what you need to do to fix my car#HELP. AUGH. AUGH#PLEASE I DON'T UNDERSTAND CARS#and the guys at this car place are so busy it makes me panic and say yes to things I don't mean to augh augh augh#Robin having stupid problems over here#ok im gonna call them back#OKAY EDIT. I DID IT. I CALLED THEM AND HAD THEM CHANGE THE APPOINTMENT#WHOOOOO#I've been procrastinating on this for three weeks y'all it's been BAD#I think I deserve a huge treat for doing this. I should uhhhh I should go outside and listen to birds for ten minutes
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I wish I had some expired NyQuil so i could take it and get mildly high during my 3 hour class instead of being bored out of my mind as it takes the entire class period for all 15 students to present their projects
#i want to go home#i have many things to do and I'm sick and im not feeling up to do ing anything#also i don't have enough friends to socialize with so im just wikdlh lonely most of the week because the few ones I do have are always busy#lilac post#today is just a hashtag negative day#class is 3 hours because it's an art class. And there's like 15 students in class who need to present#What I SHOULD do is practice presenting but I feel so fucking emotionally dead inside rn lmfaoooo#I'm going insane#I think the daylight savings and season change might be getting to me
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Is there a more specific term than "agnostic" for me cause I feel like that implies "I believe in a deity/deities/spiritual relationship, I just don't exactly know which one or how"
My belief is less "I don't know" and more "I think there's the possibility of something out there it's just that it's none of my business." Like if we found out Zeus, Jesus Christ, and Ra are actually best buddies and go to trivia every Thursday and that the Rapture was supposed to happen 50 years ago and got cancelled or some shit and it's like..I answer phone calls at a front desk man idk what you want me to do with that info
#this probably is just 'agnostic' Id just like to feel special <3#I make minimum wage and you want me to worry about if there's a heaven or hell???#bro I don't care about purgatory I'm on the phone with my health insurance#It is flat out None Of My Business what's going on outside of this physical plane and I do not plan on changing that#It's the same way I feel about ghosts#Were my childhood homes haunted? Probably!#Am I gonna fuck around and find out? Absolutely fucking not!#What they get up to is none of my business. I'm gonna keep acting like they aren't there unless they need help and make it obvious#and even then I'm not doing more shit than like opening a window#I'm not gonna fuck around and accidentally anger some higher power or ghost cause I'm scared of uncertainty#I've got an exam due today like idk man what freaky shit higher powers do is their business I'm not tryna intrude on shit#Im also into the idea that the belief in a higher power creates them#Like even if there's no physical manifestation they've influenced your train of thought so much they might as well be#ex christian#religious trauma
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i took a sick day and took myself out to breakfast and baby waved me. life feels good again.
#im very lucky to get paid sick days (which is fucked that people don’t get paid days to begin with) but they don’t carry over#and work has been so stupidly busy and it will only get busier#and im changing roles at work which is nice (i guess) but its just a job and more responsibility#and im trying to always not treat my job like it’s my life or something that defines me or the only place where i give value#cause that’s not true but that’s what the corporate world WANTS YOU TO DO#and feel guilty when you take time for yourself cause if you aren’t around things will fall apart#but all of this to say: if you get paid sick days please take them. even if you aren’t sick or just need a break.#it’s so needed. life is so crazy busy and weekends are enough time to do everything#so taking a day to do the things you need to do or (like something I need to learn how to do) do nothing at all and just chill#my dream sick day is having the house to myself and i can take a bath and then go back in bed and read fic all day#and eat pasta#but one thing at a time
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guess whos not going in at all this week, actually
#MY MANAGER EMAILED LIKE 2 HOURS B4 I HAD TO GO IN#she finally changed my schedule (1 day) to the night shift today#(i emailed her to be safe just kinda casually reaffirming im going in at the new time & then asking if any other shifts wanted 2 be changed#bcs that sounds great to me whstever option she goes with#she ignored that question & i get a new email from her asking if i completed a training. lets called it DOC#basically a long time ago she said 'i will send you DOC instructions soon' .. a few days pass and i get three 50 paged packets#one is called NAVIGATING DOC#im like oh ok cool that must be the DOC training shes talking abt bcs the other 2 packets were abt various trainings#NAH BRUH. APPARENTLY THE DAY IM SUPPOSED TO GO IN. SHE MESSAGES ME SOME ENTIRELY ALIEN PROGRAM#and is like 'u completed this right? cus if u didnt u cant come in today.'#LIKE?? MAYBE I WOULDA IF U SENT THE SHIT#but it's also like. dam i shouldve emailed prompting her to send what she said she would n clarifying BUT FUCK#WHY DO I GOTTA?? IM NOT THE MANAGER#she literally told me the name of the program rn thru email so i type it in and see like four hour long modules to complete#mind u i aint never even been informed a WHISPER abt this new program. nothings even labeled DOC TRAINING#but my struggle is. was i notified this?? and i just didnt see??? was i supposed to clarify with her what the DOC training was exactly??#the only thing ive heard abt doc training b4 this is 'i need to send u DOC training soon' in EMAIL. so i expected an alert#abt THE DOC TRAINING... in an EMAIL notification. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS#idk man#i dont even care bro like im busy as hell & the work is just to build clinic hours so i dont care abt the money factor#it's just like. can we get this first day jitters thing over with already?? im so over this bro#yaddayadda i emailed her an apology n ill be on that ASAP shit. but i did let her know i am basically justnnow seeing this site#n if there was any email or notif that couldve/tried to inform me of its existence 2 pls let me know / figure out how to find it#so the issue doesnt occur again & i dont have to keep botherinher which im so srry of bcs med is stress n shes just trying to get by#but still bro im a lil miffed bcs she probably thinks im stupid now and now im wondering if i AM#bcs WDYM ONLINE MODULES. AINT NOBODY SAID SH IT EVEN ABT THE EXISTENCE OF THEM!!! i wouldve pressed harder 4 clarification#if i knew it was an ONLINE MODULE i had to look out for on some randomass site i didnt even know the name of until now#instead of the EMAIL UVE BEEN 'COMMUNICATING' WITH ME ON#ARREGHHHHHHHH IM NOT STUPID. I SWEAR IM NOT STUPID FUCCK MY BAKA LIFE
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I'm getting to the end of my line over here.
#LIKE I KNOW. BUT ALSO. LIKE. IT HAPPENED WITH EVERYONE SO MAYBE.#like being left on read is okay im fine with that#im also fine with not being messaged for a few days bc I well know life can get busy and overwhelming so ita totally fine#but being left on read consistently. being not messaged for weeks. BY EVERYONE.#please if im doing or saying something wrong i need to know bc ill stop or change bc please i want my firends to want to talk to me#i want my firends to see something and think of me and tell me about it#i want them to listen to a song and send me a link or watch a show i reccomend and give me a script of their reactions#i feel like im giving and not getting a lot back and i want to know what im doing wrong#and if im giving too much i also want to know it bc then ill back off or stop#bc i get so excited when i see ive got messages or asks from my friends and id like to think they feel the same about me#but from my end it doesnt feel like that#i went mia for four days. i touched nothing. reblogged nothing. gave no sign i even existed anymore. and i got one dm the whole time#i love tumblr but its feeling less and less like i have any place here at all let alone on any other socials
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for some reason im really feeling the Queer Euphoria in this chilis tonight, specifically: being so ambiguous its hilarious. there is No label to describe my orientation/gender. like yeah i use nonbinary bc technically it fits but also bc the flag Fucks. if asked, my only correct answer would be "Wildcard, Motherfucker!"
#both change on a daily basis#gender depends on vibes. weather. A Cool Art Piece I Saw On Tumblr. a dream i had the night prior. what im doing at the moment. song playin#i use & prefer they/them but really anything is free game For The Bit. i am willing to play pretend and try on different hats!#orientation depends on who im looking at in the moment. like i consistently surprise myself with who i do/dont find attractive#it also happens.... less than id expect. but when it does happen its a very strong Ohhhhhh. Ohoho Hi Heyyyy<3 moment#BUT OH ITS SO FUN TO BE UNLABELABLE#thats not a word! except yes it is!#i take the boxes people try to put me in. i make a sickass fort outta them & add blankets and pillows & paint#there is a drawbridge and a moat. and origami dragons!#its so so fun#but also very annoying on the rare occasion im asked what i am#like! fuck if i know! this is my first time being alive! its none of my business! i have bigger omelets to burn!#its like....#'are you gay' yes but also no 'are you a lesbian' yes but also no 'are you bi' yes but also no 'are you-' Yes But Also No.#again: wildcard.#absolutely unprompted#its like... oh man if i wasnt so squeamish about syringes i could make my gender Soooo Me <3#bc i want a deeper voice but i like my body how it is. mostly. its literally just my voice that i dont like#& facial hair would be nice but also do i want to deal with the hassle that is shaving. no i do not <3#still i cherish the two hairs i have on my chin. theyre so neat#i wish skirts were comfortable. i need a better eyeliner pen. i need more tank tops and a good binder. i want to confuse people#and then like... women with deep voices and men who're all dolled up and ambiguous folks who are so visibly queer-#there is so much to love everywhere and i do not care for the generally excepted/used fences people keep putting up#im ripping up their signs and kicking over the fences. Let Us Roam Free Range#shoutout to all my fellow Idk What The Fuck I Am And I Like It That Way homies. we're so funky#and you're So fucking valid. you don't need a label and you don't need a description. you are so so so awesome and rad as hell
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dunno how to articulate my thoughts without sounding mean but i'll try my best; it's so exciting when jh tries a new color and it's also exciting when he also seems to be enjoying it, but i think a problem in fandom culture in general is that need to have ownership over your [thing you like], in this case, jh, a real person. like you can be sad that jh is losing or toning down his purple hair because it was a good color and he looks good, but also at the end of the day it's his hair on his head and what he wants to do w his hair is his business only.
i say this because jh said in the latest radio station that he is going to tone down his purple hair in a few days, not because he doesnt like the color, but because his hair grows outward, a common thing that happens with your hair when you are of asian or hispanic descent. he needs down perms to literally "put down" the hair instead of it sticking straight out of his head. and down perms can fuck with the color if it's dyed.
so with this in mind, jh keeps his hair "boring" and black because he would rather his hair not be sticking straight out of his head and he doesnt want to sacrifice more time at the salon for color correction when it can just be his natural color. and thats really valid of him, just as it's valid of any other member or kpop idol to constantly dye their hair. it's his choice just like theirs and fans should respect his choice more.
#like idk just in general people make comments about jh being boring just bc he dresses a certain way and has his hair a certain way#and it's annoying to me. bc it's his business only. hes wonderful exactly how he is. u should not pressure him to do something hes uncomfy#and u can prefer a more flashy idol but that doesnt mean that automatically jh's own self expression is 'bad'#hope i dont sound like a bitch but i wanted to post this bc of jh saying hes going to change his hair soon#apple lady words#i feel like this all comes back to nuance bc u can love his different hair but dont make it seem like hes boring if hes not going out of hi#comfort zone#and ik most fans respect him but some fans come across as 'owning' him and feeling like they have the final say in regard to his body#which is what i have a problem with#maybe im making a mountain out of a mole hill or this isnt even a problem#but idk. posting it. oh well#edit: this is directed at nobody
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