how would u rank each merc on a scale of 1 to 10 for how hot they are
ranked from lowest to highest-
(non of this was proofread, so sorry abt that/edit later maybe?)
alright so sprinting into dead last is scout- im sorry ive said this a billion times but CHRIST ALIVE- (-10/10)
like im so pissed too- your ma is a SMOKESHOW, you're dad is (dare i say) also a 10, how did it happen like this? he's like a precum baby i think. like he's not all the way human. he wasn't meant to be like this, but yet here he stands, a pancaked-ass Masshole in the place a greater man might have stood. i want to break his spine over my knee.
sniper after scout. (4/10)
his voice is sooooo great, and i have warmed up a bit to him, but all the same. he's just not my type physicality wise, but i think i get the appeal. i also thought it was really sweet they let him have that soft moment with his parents in heaven where his dad tells him how proud he was and all that. (assuming it wasn't all a hallucination, but i digress,) i would've expected them to show his dad giving him a hard time one last time before he came back to earth, but i'm happy the comics let him have this :)
pyro next, (5/10)
the cop out answer is "well obviously the fire-brandishing character is the hottest-" but that's lame to me. it's honestly REALLY hard for me to see them as attractive or "dateable" just bc I project "my child" onto them. I've mentioned before, but i don't like them bc i wanna fuck them, i wanna protect them like a mother. i wanna feed them a homecooked stew with a wooden spoon, i wanna make crayon drawings with them, tell them bedtime stories, hand-stich him a stuffed animal, yk that sort of vibe. i do care for them a lot, but not in a romantic sense tbh.
Demo and Soldier (7/10)
I'm putting them together bc they are only really attractive to me when they're drawn with bulk-muscle. the idea of either of them packing on lean muscle is so weird to me. but they just feel like such living embodiments of "just here for a good time," and honestly? sometimes that's all you need :) If i HAD to put one above the other, I would put Demo over Solder, bc i ADORE fanart and official art that give him that cute little drunken lazy smile. it's just such a little thing that is so endearing to me!
Spy (10/10)
i'm sorry, i genuinely have no idea why i'm such an apologist for him, i deserve to have my rights taken away for this.
but i think i genuinely envy him in a lot of ways. he's not exactly the kind of attractive i want, but what i want to become. i envy his poise, his swagger, his cunning, (his ability to pull scout's ma). he's such a great jerk-with-a-heart-of-gold type of older guy, of which i am weak to, alas. i NEED to go on a shoplifting spree with this bitch-
Heavy (10/10)
the hottest thing to fantasize abt heavy to me is him calling me a weak little baby and mocking me for being a 5'3 underweight, anemic little loser. this man could DESTROY ME, and damn is that fun to think about, but! I'd be remiss not to mention how much he loves his family, how he would do ANYTHING to protect those he loves the most, and i swear, that one panel in the comics of him hugging his mother gets me every time.
medic (15/10)
what is there even to say that hasn't been said?
He's a chaotic-hottie if ever there's been one, with a kind of zest for life which is remarkable, even in a cast of colorful manic weirdoes. but like, CHRIST this man makes me go feral. like i want him to wrap his gloves around my neck tight enough for the latex to start squeeking, i wanna feel those high-traction combat boots DIGGING into my back as he crushes me into the floor, i want him to drain me of blood and make fun of me for passing out- i would let this man do so many unspeakable things to me...
engie (20/10)
i will never get tired of this guy <3 he's the living embodiment of "southern comfort," and much like medic, it's not at all surprising people love him so much. no one else has his character's incredible dichotomy of, sweet and gentle, while also able to deal out insane levels of violence (heavy comes close, but he doesn't quiet have engie's soft approachable disposition). definitely got the short end of the stick in the comics imo, as we don't get to see much of his family (or rather him interacting WITH his family) but in game at least he gives them lot's of shout-outs which is nice, but honestly makes me want to see them all the more! he's such a whore for all those cozy knit-wear cosmetics too. he's perfect in every way, he makes my heart flutter, he has never done anything wrong in his life ever, i would die to protect him.
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