#so normal infact that i wish to romance all of them

[kitsvoidcorner]

You ever jus- think about those silly celestial boys and start kicking your feet? 🥰 yeah me too-

[opheliaswritings]

Hananene Analysis: A Fatal Love Pt. 1

pt.2 <--

WARNING; I'm open to all criticisms as long as they are peaceful and passive. I am not anti-hananene and any and all people aggressive comments/replies would be blocked.

Intro: Yashiro and Hanako’s relationship, at the start, used to be very simple and sweet like the rest of the plot. But as time goes on it starts to get a lot more complicated and messier. So the question is, are they still good together? A healthy relationship consists of the following traits: respect, honesty, trust, open communication, and compromise to do each other's part in the relationship. An unhealthy relationship is something that lacks any or all of these things. And when there’s a power imbalance between the partners. Do Yashiro and Hanako fit the criteria to be a good couple or will they just flop indefinitely?

Yashiro:

Yashiro, compared to the rest of the cast, is a very normal girl. She has a regular family thag subsides the supernatural world, plays idol games, likes spooky stories, gardening, and most of all is her love for romance. On top of all that, she’s naive and she wears her heart on her sleeve. It’s very easy to read her because she’s 100% all the time, especially during the first chapters. She can get upset, but happy very quickly. Yashiro is very reckless and doesn’t exactly think twice about what she’s about to do, getting herself into many risky situations. But, she does have good intentions and genuinely does care about the people around her. Yashiro’s also very kind and sensitive as well. When it comes to Aoi, she senses as though she isn’t fully letting out her heart even when it comes to her and wishes that she would be more honest. And in the current time of writing this, she’s willing to sacrifice herself so that Aoi can live.

Her main flaw was how focused on love and romance, doing reckless things for the sake of her love life. She may have grown out of that phase, but she still thinks of it from time to time. Getting a boyfriend is something that Yashiro, quite obviously, really wants. She goes as far as to summon a ghost and work for him. As well as grow her hair out, take on gardening, sewing, all to appeal to a boy she barely talked to. But why? Why go through all this trouble? For herself. She’s doing it all for herself. I think Yashiro’s ultimate goal is to experience true love for herself, believing it to be a necessity. To have that stereotypical love that’s shoehorned in every other romantic shoujo manga. And it’s not so far fetched either, as though a lot of girls Yashiro’s age fall for this ideology. Infact, so do a lot of characters. Characters like Yako and Sumire. Through them she discovers she may not even want romantic love, but because she feels as though it’s necessary for her too.

But, as the manga goes on and gets more complicated, it might be hard to miss, but you can see Yashiro’s transition into not wanting a lover fade away. And it’s made abundantly clear in the Picture Perfect Arc. Her goal went towards living her life. She learns that she’ll die in a year, but she manages to triumph it by exclaiming how she still what’s to escape the Picture Perfect world, and face what was real and live. A lot of people would have broken down in fear, but she overcame that. And when Aoi and Hanako first disappeared, she was very depressed, but managed to overcome that too. Which is extremely strong of her and she doesn’t get enough credit. Whether it’ll be she’s in denial or not she held her head up high. But that’s for another time, meantime, this shows how throughout the story she’s learning that life isn’t all about romance. She’s growing and getting stronger. But, she still acts on her heart a lot.

In the beginning, all she really did was help out Hanako, being his assistant or “priestess”. Helping him get rid of their yorshiro and keeping the peace of the school and such in hopes she can get a boyfriend. But after the Sacrifice of the Grim Reaper arc her goals change to helping out Hanako to saving him and Aoi. Yashiro has gone through a lot. Even from the very beginning she dealt with supernaturals attacking her. And throughout the story, there’s just been more and more misfortune. From what happened to Mistuba, Yashiro learning she'll die in a year, and then Aoi and Hanako dying, it’s a lot. Especially for a regular girl like Yashiro. Yashiro doesn’t even have a clear idea of how far this rabbit hole goes, or how much history that goes on. Yashiro perseveres though, in trying to help others and trying to do what is right. But obviously, she’s not doing all that well if chapter 91 wasn’t evident enough. There are little hints even before this that suggests she still is struggling. She gets herself into many dangerous situations from the Red House, to the current chapters. All in hopes of saving them. She even goes as far as sacrificing herself to ensure her friend is well. Which is scary to say the least. She went from being bright and compassionate in the beginning, to wanting to give it all up. Her development turns to a complete 180, from wanting to live her life to that.

Hanako:

Hanako, if you look past his otherworldly characteristics and supernatural talents, is most definitely a 14 year old boy. He’s very childish, likes to joke around a lot, and doesn’t seem to take things terribly seriously from the get-go. He’s a great contrast to Yashiro, who’s very extreme in her ways. But, he’s pretty liable and smart. He holds responsibility for being the leader of the other school mystery’s and does his job pretty well.

But even then, he’s very insecure and quick to quit on things and let things run as they are, even if they are bad, unless it involves Yashiro. We see it in the Picture Perfect Arc when he was just going to let Yashiro die in the world, and in this arc where he wants to let Aoi die in place of Yashiro. This could be linked to the fact that as a supernatural being, he has seen people give into hope and fail countless times. Or into his own trauma with Tsukasa. 

Obviously, he does come with his fair share of trauma. And by fair I mean not fair at all. He dealt with bullying and ended up taking his own life right before taking his brother. This would screw up anybody's perception of life as a whole. Not even accounting for the fact that for over 50 years he hardly had any good relationships. Having relationships and connections is important for anybody, especially when you are so young. So, it’s really no wonder that he’ll have trouble empathizing with people properly or understanding what he did wrong.

Hanako lacks those traits and it especially shows in the Picture Perfect Arc when he holds Yashiro and Kou captive in the picture perfect world. He apologized for doing so, but right after in the Sacrifice of the Grim Reaper Arc. He goes ahead and sacrifices Aoi so that Yashiro can live, and lets himself die. In the current chapters, he shows no remorse for what he did, believing that it was worth it because Yashiro got to live. He wants to help out Yashiro, and even Kou, but he lacks the mental flexibility to do so correctly. This is a huge flaw that continuously hinders his relationships with not only Yashiro, but others as well.

He’s very impulsive and selfish, but that’s to be fair for a supernatural being. He’s naturally evil, but he keeps a good heart which is condemnable. He has had a lot of regrets for over 50 years, and even if he has trouble empathizing with others, he still has the capacity to do it.

When he was with Aoi in the train to the far shore, he managed to relate to her. That is a big step.

[loniereads]

cr: Sufficiently Advanced Magic

*spoiler warning*

Chapter 1 - 5

Chapter one

“I was prepared in a thousand different ways that didn’t matter” - Me for every test I’ve ever taken ☺️✨✨

Omg is he gonna go look for his brother 🥺 This book said found family but make it literal - side note, love the name Tristan.

I hope it’s explained as to WHY hundreds of 17 year olds are enduring a judgment to their possible death????

Imagine you’re brother going basically missing, your mom leaving, and then your dad pulling you out of school so you can prepare to possibly ✨die✨

“It could take years to grow strong enough-” 🥺 He’s going to sacrifice years of his life and risk certain death just for a chance to reunite his family is this book gonna make me cry?

I don’t like his name as much as I like his brothers but yanno whatever- how do you even say Corin

I already hate the dad??? Hello? Your first son is gone and your second could follow in his fate and you don’t even see him off?? Fuck you buddy why are book dads such assholes

“I loathed hurting people. I always had.” so i have decided that if anything happens to Corin I will kill everyone in the room and then myself. WHAT A CUTIE SWEET SOUL

If this book forces him to hurt someone I’ll riot-

Oh my gosh he hates fighting but he’s willing to fight for his brother I LOVE HEALTHY BROTHER RELATIONSHIPS they’re so pure

Corin is so nice to try to explain all of this weapon stuff and rune stuff to me like I have any idea wtf he’s talking about- he’s talking and I’m like I’m just happy to be here ☺️

I feel like the fact that he’s paying for everything he takes is important- like maybe other people just take and don’t leave anything? But he’s like here’s a coin for you scary tower~

“It was too cute to die” why do I love Corin so

What a cute ass sweet ass cinnamon roll, my god🥺

HE FELT GUILTY FOR KILLING A SHADOW SNDKDNSK I love him sm what a king

Chapter two

Why does everything he say sound so intelligent

ldmoaha not Corin having a convo with a book

It’s been too long since I read a normal romance book why did my brain just decide to ship Corin and a BOOK

Ok but him taking time to ask about his brother has me so soft

What the flip chapter 2 was so short??? ):

Chapter three

“You shouldn’t have done that” how ominous and amazing and I love it

He so casually was like OH LOOK A DEAD BODY OH LOOKIE PEOPLE

Omg is he gonna find his brother in here- OH MY

OMG HE DID AHHHHH

just... kidding. He did infact not find him.

Oh wait someone younger than him though- so is going into the tower a choice? That would make it a little better. Like you decide when you go in or? I NEED MORE INFO PLS

The word resh is growing on me

He risked his gold key on her 🥺

I love this little merry band of criminals- also just hoping the kid doesn’t yanno....die

omg Keras is out here crushing stones with his bare hands 😏 hellooooo

Wait I’m so conflicted??? I want to trust Keras and Vera but I also want to trust the book alsnsish

Vera is a whole mood I really hope she’s not like evil or just a weird thing in the tower or idk whatever I want her to stay

AWWAIT ☹️☹️☹️ They left Keras behind- that can’t be it. He’s gotta come back right? Like book person is gonna save him? Right!!??

Chapter four

VERA SUCH A BADDDDIE

This ‘kid’ they’re carrying is just making out like a bandit, he’s just getting carried through the tower 😂

WOW FUCK YOU VERA??? UH I HOPE SOMETHING KILLS HER-but not rhe kid 😔

Okay this might be a weird jump- but WHAT IF THE BOOK ENTITY ISSSSS HIS BROTHER??????????? Like the book person seems to really care if Corin lives? so it’s either just like a really caring person, OR HIS BROTHER

Pls let me be right

That would be so cool

The book entity helped him to finish the rest completely? Is this allowed? This feels not allowed

Corin: fighting monsters with criminals in a magical tower, very time sensitive needs to escape quickly

Also Corin: lemme just wrote a little diary entry ✨☺️

So obviously he’s going to get to keep his memories

Also like he got out of the tower so easily? What?

“And don’t let anyone hassle you about your attunement.” HOW VERY OMONIOUS OF YOU TO SAY

Honestly- Fuck Magnus Cadence

REPLACEMENT? What?

His childhood bestfriend is his half sister? I love that???? Instead of making them love interests they’re half siblings that’s cool as hell. We love childhood friends to siblings trope

I will reiterate, FUCK MAGNUS CADENCE

I hope we get to see their friendship bc I’m here for this trope

Chapter five

🥺 he sent the boys glove to his parents I’m so soft

Their relationship makes me so happy?? Like I love this. So they better reunite or I’ll riot

BROTHERLY RELATIONSHIPS ARE THE BESTTT

I miss Keras 🥺

I am so unsure of Sera. I do love the sudden sibling, and I really really hope they end up having a cool relationship and like she helps him find his(their) brother and hdjsjdjs

If anyone gives Corin a hard time for his attunement I’ll throw hands-

Not them earning points at their schools- All I can think about how is “10 points to gryffindor”

I love the word behooves

Can they go back into the tower already 💀 This down time is killing me. I want book entity, Keras and that boy who was unconscious the entire time back.

-side note, I absolutely love how all three of them(Keras, Corin, and Vera) were all so concerned with this unconscious boy and they literally carried him to complete safety. Who is this boy?? Will he come back? I miss him he better not be be dead. Vera can die but not unconscious boy.

I don’t know if I’m supposed to like Sera... but she’s giving me “I’m better than you because I have a better attunement” vibes and I do not like that at all so if Icneed to I will pretend to doesn’t exist.

Aw the schools has like animal representatives decisions?? CUTE UM. - there’s way too many for my brain to keep up with but I love them anyway

Not them assigning kids to basically play pranks on everyone else and tell them if they don’t find the prankster kids they lose points- what a weird ass school

“You and Patrick were practically brothers” GIRL YOU CANT SAY THINGS LIKE THAT TO SOMEONE WHO HAS AN ACTUAL BROTHER WHO IS MISSING AND/OR DEAD

-Also I know Tristen isn’t dead because like then what would be the point huh? HUH? So he’s got to be alive

Or I’ll riot.

“A walking rainstorm” idk why but that is so fucking adorable. I love my new comfort raintorm, Corin.

I can’t wait for them(Corin and Sera) to meet up with their friends and they have to explain that they’re now half siblings.

Them reminding him to not lose his little sigil pin makes me feel like he’s going to lose or forget it ummmm

Imagine getting fucking EXPELLED because you forgot your pin on your other uniform.

I feel like that would be me honestly. Are people not just...forgetful in this universe??

Ngl i would hate to be in the tortoise division

Corins attunement is lamer but his division is called the Phoenix? Like that’s so much cooler than tortoise

The fact that sera is trying to convince me the Spider division isn’t real makes me feel like she’s in it???

I know my babey Corin didn’t mean this as snarky as I would have liked him to but I love this line so much.

SARCASTIC BOYS WITH DADDY ISSUES OWN ME AND IM NOT ASHAMED TO ADMIT IT

Ngl I was hoping they would have roommates- I love a good school roommate dynamic

For the third time I would like to make my opinion to be known; FUCK MAGNUS CADENCE

Why has no one made a playlist for this book on Spotify? I am throughly disappointed

Not Corin being ghosted by his book-

I wish I had half the motivation Corin has? Like it’s my boys first day of school and as soon as he gets into his room he starts studying. I would have taken a nap

Oop jk as soon as he couldn’t find the rune he was looking for he went to lay in bed.

I’m sorry what in the hell is Wyddsday??? Did I miss them explaining to hat this universe has different names for it’s days of the week?? How am I supposed to know when this is Corin? Or what day it even is currently

World building is so intricate and interesting and I absolutely live for it- but it’s literally so frustrating sometimes learning and remembering everything

Okay Sera being less irritated about her studies being interrupted because it’s Corin is cute

Fuck

I still don’t know if I’m supposed to like Sera

Tashday, Fersday, Kyrsday, Tensday, Vasday, and Wyddsday- either I can’t count or they’re missing a day. And what order do they go in? I need a calendar insert pls and thanks

Wait wait did he just run into an ex? What is this sndlsnsin “long-buried emotions”??

Oooo we get a name. Cecily Lambert

I didn’t possibly think I could relate to Corin anymore than I already do but here I am

The dorm chiefs introduce themselves to everyone? How cute and Curtis didn’t seem at all annoyed by Corin asking so many questions I love when upperclassman in books aren’t rude for no reason. It’s such a tiring trait they often have smh

I need his exams to hurry up because I would very much like to get back to the fast paced tower scenes-

I know absolutely nothing about Jin but I love him immensely

[kpopisthereasonihavenolife]

Keep Her Secret [07]

GOT7

Mark Tuan/Reader [F]

Genre:  Dystopian Future, Hybrid AU, Drama, Romance

Words: 1.5k (Not proof read yet, lol)

Part: 00/ 1/ 2/ 3/ 4/ 5/ 6 /

Mark slammed the door shut and without any hesitation whipping around to face you, practically snarling. Fuming in rage, his jaw was locked and he eyes felt like needles could shoot from them and pierce your neck to paralyze you any second.  Paralysis would keep you from disobeying him again at the very least.

“Why the fuck would you leave the house?! I specifically told you not to, and here you are, out in the fucking woods by yourself!” You wanted to feel bad for putting yourself in danger, for angering him, but all you felt was a fire in the pit of your stomach that rose higher and higher into your throat.  Until it spilled out your mouth into an argument.

“Well, excuse me for wanting to go outside!”  You huffed as you flail your arms in violent gestures to express your unsuspecting rage towards his harshness.

“I told you no!  I brought you here to keep you safe, not to disobey me and do what you please!  Stay home, understand?!”

“Home?  Are you serious? This is hardly a home when I can’t leave it.  It’s a stupid prison, keeping me in it, taking away my freedom!”

“I’m keeping you safe-”

“You’re keeping me trapped!  Is this what it felt like being in a lab?” HIs mouth still as he warned you to choose your continuing words wisely.

“Don’t,” he seethed.

“No, answer me.  Being stuck here, unable to go anywhere unauthorized and my limit being away from the door is a mere 20 ft. Not going out, not seeing anything, not doing anything while you 7 fools can do as you damn well please?  Is that how I felt when I was held up in the labs with you?  Is that how you fucking felt Mark?”

“Y/N-”

“Answer me dammit!” He couldn’t.  If he did, his lies would surely unravel at the seams. With his peeked emotions, his filter was running thin.  One false move and the lies he’s carefully built will all crumble at his feet and he could risk actually losing you.  He was dancing to a very fine tune, and he had to turn it around back to his favor.

He finally noticed the amount of space between you two.  You were further away than normal, not with arm's length like you normally were.  When he would reach out and grab you, swinging you around playfully when you two were alone.  You were distancing yourself from him, but for what?  He stepped closer to you, only for you to mimic his step backwards.

“What are-”

“Don’t come near me.”  But he wanted to be near you, wanted to touch you.  This is the first time you’ve ever refused him.  Actually, thinking about it, this was the first time you disobeyed him and fought back against his words.  Fighting back against the irrefusable scolding you were expecting for leaving in the first place.

This was the first fight between you two.

He hated it.  Every waking second of tension in your face, shoulders and hanging in the air.  He loathed it.  Wanted to wave it away like an annoying bug.  He’d do anything to wipe that angry from off your face.  Or, that’s what he felt like.

He moved quickly, striding forward with large steps to grab your shoulders and pull you ever so slightly forward.  You were brought to your toes by his seizing grip on your arms.

“Let go,” you tried shrugging him off, tried making him let you go.  His grip only tightened.  It felt like his sharpened claws were piercing straight through the fabric of your turtleneck.  He shook his head, eyes boring unmistakably into your own.  You felt your anger almost start to ebb away with his adamant eye contact.  “Mark, I said let go.”

“You can’t give me orders, Y/N.” He growled.  You never saw his animal side show that much, but here is was again.  The second time within just a morning.  His dominant traits as a dominated Alpha coyote, and the oldest of his pack.  But you were his mate.  You could call shots just as much as he could.  Just because he’s a man, doesn’t mean your authority is any peg lower than his.

“As your mate, I think I have just the right amount of power to make you unhand me.”  Mark’s grip loosened ever so slightly.  You’ve never said that aloud before.  Never told him to his face with certain, unshakable declaration that you were his mate.  You were his and a part of him wished you really meant it and didn’t just say it to side track him.  Mates meant a lot to him.  You meant so much more.

“What?”

“I think you heard me.  Now let me go.” You tried shrugging him off again, but none of your efforts were fruitful. Infact, your goal of removing yourself from his grasp were snuffed out when he yanked your body towards him, moving his hands from your arms, only to latch his arms around your shoulders and behind your neck.

“I was scared.”  Your hands that pushed at his chest were halted at his small words.  Muttered into your hair like a child being forced to admit something embarrassing.  “What if I didn’t wake up when I noticed it wasn’t warm where you usually lay beside me? What would’ve happened if I left the house too late?  Got to you too late?  Y/N, you would’ve died and I-”  You somehow managed to move your hands from being trapped between you two to move up to card through his hair.  You knew you shouldn’t break so easily when you both were in the wrong, you for leaving without telling him, and him for trying to control you, but when you forced with him seeming to vunerable, how could you not?

“Mark, listen to me.”  He hummed at you as you started to walk backwards, him following you closely until you felt you sit on the bed. He let you go, only to drop to his knees in front of you and lay his head on your lap, his arms snaking around your waist.  It wasn’t unusual for him to show affection like this to you when it was just the two of you, but the feelings changed since before.  It feels more authentic somehow.

“You can’t hold me up in the house forever,” your fingers carded through his hair again and he wanted to shake his head against your legs. “But, I do understand that what I did was wrong.  I shouldn’t have left without you at the very least.” He knew he couldn’t keep you in forever, but he had hoped that you wouldn’t want to leave the safety of the walls so soon.  He wanted to keep you here just a bit longer.  “I know it’s in your nature to be protective, and although it’s flattering, you can’t be so overbearing it’s smothering me.  You need to let me breath air that’s not in the house.” He tightened his arms around you.  He knew.  He knew it all too well.

“I know, I just-”  He stopped as he sighed.  “I love you, you know?  I’m scared that something will happen and it’s going to be my fault.”  He couldn’t imagine the look on your face as he told you that. He kept his face in your lap, not willing to look at your face. He felt the hands on his head move to rub at the nape of his neck, making him relax.  Your body, that was stiff before, relaxed as well.

“Nothing will happen, and it surely won’t be your fault.  I suppose, if you go with me, I wouldn’t mind. I just can’t stay inside all the time.”  He nodded.  “I’ll let you know next time, when I want to go outside, okay?”  He nodded again as he relished in the silence that followed.  The air wasn’t thick anymore, wasn’t heavy and it was so much easier on his chest.  He could breath and not feel like a brick was sitting on his chest.  He could feel your warmth, he could touch you, and you wouldn’t push him away.  

The fight was over, and he knew you probably had a few things you wished you could say, but he was thankful when you didn’t and just kept your fingers in his hair and on his neck.  He wanted to stay like this, with you, safe.  He didn’t want to lie anymore, he didn’t want to keep the world from you, or you from it, but he had no choice.  There were endless threats to him and to you, and he didn’t know what to do.  

He was nearly asleep again, kneeling on the ground with his head on your legs.  

“I love you too,” you whispered just barely under your breath, but he wasn't so asleep he didn’t hear it.  He heard it loud and clear as he pushed himself up to sit beside you and drag you back onto the bed with him, making sure to anchor you under his arm as he pushed you into his chest, were you should’ve been all morning. Just for this one moment, he didn’t want to think about all the dangers and threats that could possibly pull you away from him.  Just in this one moment of his stupidly assembled life, he just wanted to pretend he, and everything around him, was normal.

[usernamingishard]

Life is a montage: atleast mine is

 As a child I had a strong connection to film, stories, books and cartoons. But first, let me take a moment to describe that any matter, any entity, any item or concept, any notion or instrument is but a branch, with many branching leaves or sometimes further branches. A computer is not just a computer, it's also what that computer can do, it's also what that computer is made of, it's also a single technological advancement amid a timeline of others, it's also a conversation about the gadgets available for the youth. So when I say I had a strong connection to film, stories, books and cartoons, I don't mean just the narration of other's lives through whatever media available whether that media is a book or TV show. What I mean is, I am interested in the concept of three act structure, I am interested in the concept of reocurring themes, I am interested in the power and effect of framing, I am interested in the expression of emotion through facial expressions in movies, and sound effects in cartoons. I spent my childhood delving into stories of heroes, of villains turned good guys, of Romance, of the friendship between a boy and his dog, of how people go through heartache, of how High school is going to be, of what bullies look like and how to stand up to them. I see Movie, Books and cartoons (I'll call Media for short) in every day life, and I see every aspect of my life in Media. This could be called natural, everyone has had their head wrapped around something as a child, but Media is different in that it is an expression of life itself, so in these 50 years since the first product of film, and thousands since the first written word, every part of life has been incorporated atleast once. It'll be very hard to remember a concept or matter or life event that hasn't been mentioned in one way or another in a movie, let alone books. Technologies' effects on life? Black mirror is a single example. Hitler or pearl harbor? Inglorious bastards and a movie of the same name. Coffee? I think you can take a few minutes to find a movie where a character invites to have coffe or drinks. Standing up to bullies? I guess all/most of the superhero movies? However, when Media express them, they express them in such dramatic and impactful way, and I learned that, and incorporated it into my expectations. each wink furthers or enhances the plot, each misstep or stutter is exposition about the character, each door opening scene is suspense. Naturally, the way the plot moves also becomes of the things that I expect in life. There's a happy ending for every plot and subplot, the main character (easily known to be me) gets the love of his life, and there's a solution and reason to this emptiness I feel inside me.

But real life? It's nothing like that. Many times a family member may make me doubt myself without even them actually being toxic, nor should I leave them, nor do we solve their attitude, either by talking or actual effort, unlike any of the movies I've watched. I've never had a relationship no matter the efforts I've payed into the few crushes that I've had the past few years, even though that's how all books end. And the personal flaws in the main character have been with me since childhood, unlike any of the comic book characters I've read grow over them. And worst? Music doesn't play whenever something important happens. Life feels unscripted, random, inconsiderate, unfeeling. I feel out of place so often that I don’t consider myself to be a normal neurotypical, even though I most probably am. However, none of this compares to the aftermath of my last crush. For reasons I shan't delve into, I very vigorously wished to accomplish having her by my side, and as such, turned her standards into my own goals, and became obsessed with bursting through limits not set for me. All through that period, and a few months after rejection, I was left clueless. I had a line to success that I was not on, neither at the failing side nor at the successful side. I felt out of tune. I knew I wasn't a man, and I knew I wasn't human. because I set my whole world on that scale that I was not even in league with. I wasn't under her standards nor was I above, I was her friend. A different zone, you could say. She appreciated and loved me without the hope of being her lover, but I didn't acknowledge that. During that year, nothing made sense, everything I've ever seen in a movie or a book or a TV show was far from applicable to my life. There were no happy endings, no retribution, no closure infact, no good music, no starry skies, no good times with good friends, no family bonding moments. I spent that period just attending school and sleeping. A lifeless robot going through the norms. Meanwhile, inside me was something heavy crushing against my ribs, that although heavy, was empty.

So, I learned to not think about it. This was a very hard lesson that I learned to master. I cut off from my crush for a while,  got busy in friends, in anytime I had outside, in any small accomplishments I can consider. Slowly I started to acknowledge the good little things, such as that one positive friend, listening to a good song without interruption, and having lunch with the family after being too hungry at school. I acknowledged throughout that whole time that a girl wasn’t and couldn’t have been the reason behind the way I feel. It’s just that life didn’t go my way for the millionth time, and that was just my last straw. I accepted that life has no absolutely no algorithms, artistic cycles or patterns, in other words no set series of events and experiences, reocurring themes or chronological set of circumstances and changes. As I said, I started to appreciate the little things, and accepted that this is all there is to life. No big event or shocking marriage or solution to a world problem, just a good cup of coffee every once in a while, and a new gift from a good considerate friend every other.

There's a drug in Egypt called Hash. I suspect that it's nothing more than a less intense version of weed, and those who I know tried both have said the same, but that’s not scientific evidence so I can’t say anything for sure. Basically, a high means any train of thought is 1. Unstopped, you can get to as deep a level as you’d like in thinking about something, and 2. It feels right. No matter what’s the issue you’re thinking about, you’re right to think about it now, you have the solution to it, it doesn’t feel out of place, and you’re accepted. But the train of thought can be anything. That’s why my friends who are there for the laughs can joke with each other and laugh for hours, while I can literally watch a movie and feel so ingrained into it. Mind you, not a movie on TV, a movie through my eyes. And that was my high, but lemme start from the beginning.

I was with a friend, and another called us, told us he has some stuff to try, so I told him to come. It wasn’t a blunt, it was a pure piece of the stuff, that we could put in a cup, hang a cigarette between the walls of the cup, and burn the Hash. You close the cup with a wallet or anything really, and when there is enough gas collected in there, u remove the wallet and inhale. We did that, playing nothing else matters by Metalica. A friend was laughing in silence, and the other was having red eyes and staring into the wilderness, and I was completely sane and normal. when the hash was snuffed out, they fished out the cigarette and gave it to me. I smoked it, when for some reason the latter half of the cigarette fell. I looked at it, and in a single moment I felt like I didn’t have within me the energy to pick it up in a million years. Thankfully my friend did, and gave me ashtray and told me to snuff the cigarette out, it’s done. I did as commanded, laid my back to the chair’s back, and everything cut to black.

What I thought being on drugs would feel like, was exactly what I felt. Although I have zero memories of this time and instantly woke up to people trying to wake me up, I remembered later feeling absolutely enthralled and impressed at every thought, and the sheer force of final solution that I had reached. I didn't have a single speck of trouble finding the solution to anything I thought, and I was so accurate. Nothing else matters, who does it represent to me? Of course my best friend from high school. Why? Well easily because when the singer says "never cared for what they do, ... what they know" we had a conversation that was just like that. And of course it makes sense that in this moment of high, I'd think of him, because he's the type of best friend I'd wanna show this feeling to, and because his moral compass might challenge the idea of smoking anyway, and indeed I felt like I did not at any moment question if this is right or wrong and just jumped into it. So it's natural that that thought would affect the next one.

What you just heard was flawless argument. There was no pressure to find the right thing to say, no wait process, and not a single moment of loss where something feels out of place or is the wrong answer. After I woke up from the black, I found that I was crying my balls out, and my two friends were trying to wake me to see what's up. They took me to the bathroom to wash my face. You know that dramatic scene in a movie where you look in a mirror and stare real hard so you start to regain control? I did that. My friend said salty things wake you up, so he brought us a sandwich. You know the after credits of The Avengers, how after all the thrill and action of the fight, the next scene to contrast that was the Shawerma scene? That's exactly what I saw, one friend munching in silence as he looked at the ground, the other contemplating god knows what in the sky. To almost make me regain consciousness the friend who brought the stuff went "what y'all just went through, that's trippin'", kinda like how a mafia guy goes "it's alright you have nothing to worry about all you need to do is etc, etc." And that's exactly what I was describing in the beginning. Every single breath these guys took, every single moment of silence, every chat was something out of a movie, and I was having the goddamn time of a lifetime. I was giggling like a lunatic, and at one point raised my hand and made a frame as if I'm filming them, zooming with my eye at the person who's speaking. Everything about a movie, I was so in control and comprehension of. For example, I once was sitting with some people at a pool. I'd look at the pool, the green, blue aqua lights, together with the waves of water would feel so serene and calm and beach like. I'd feel alone, relaxed, sleepy, everything you ever heard about looking at the beach. Then I'd flip my head 20 degrees to the left, and I'd see my friends. Even though we're still at the pool, the scenery changes so strongly, I'd suddenly feel more awake, feel a crowd of people even though there's only four others, feel socially awkward as I usually am around people. Feel the colours change towards orangy red. Look back to the pool, get sleepy, serene, quiet, look to the friends, feel awake, hyper, attentive, awkward. I also did that a couple of times because I was so amazed at how strange everything that was.

I smoked a whole bunch of times since then. I can't put the things in words that would do it justice.

Now, returning to my normal life, something quite strange started to take place. The thing that was lacking in my life, those scenic moments, those expectations, they started to somehow come alive. I started to learn things and change in personality, it felt as though every trip to the beach came at the right time and so I appreciated it more, I

[a-vanishingnightstar]

📖

Send 📖 to read my muse’s diary|Accepting

@trashkingizunia

M.E. 748 December 18

Luna is gone. Niflheim took her away. The edgy-brainiac guy Ravus came by and saw that she was gone and I was all alone, hiding under mine and Luna’s bed. He said I was lucky the Nifs didn’t find me. He didn’t even ask what happened. Maybe he already knew or had some kind of feeling. Gentiana finally appeared and told Ravus everything that happened. How the hell would she know what happened and why didn’t she stop those Nifs from taking my sister away?! Now I won’t forgive Gentiana for letting my sister get taken away. 

M.E. 756 March 20

Luna looks like she’s well-loved by these gods and mortals. Well she is pretty and she is strong. Perhaps pretty strong. Plus she’s an oracle. Of course everyone would adore her. I hate to admit, but I feel a little jealous of her that she’s more beautiful and stronger than I am. She’s still my sister though. I dunno about about that edgy-bastard Ravus, but Luna is the greatest. I don’t give a shit if she’s prettier and stronger than I am. She’s my sister and she’s always been with me. But I can’t keep relying on her to look out for my ass. It’s my turn to look out for her.

M.E. 756 May 15

Ugh!!!! I absolutely despise that skanky old ass of a chancellor!!!! Why the hell was I chosen to be his escort? By the gods, I wanted to kill him so much. He always tries to torment me and my sister, but we don’t take any of his crap. Infact, Umbra and Pryna don’t seem to really like him either. Both of them growl. Normally Umbra wouldn’t growl as much. He’s very calm infact, but when he really does growl then that’s definitely serious business. While I had to escort the damn skanky old ass of a chancellor, Pryna tagged along like usual, and throughout the whole trip, Pryna really had her eyes on him, and they were not very friendly eyes.

M.E. 758 April 26

How could that old skank of a chancellor…?! He killed my sister, he killed my brother! Gladio told me that Ardyn killed him! He saw it all on a surveillance camera! There’s no way Gladio would ever lie about something like that. And Ardyn took Prompto away! We did save Prompto and even now he’s still alive, thank the gods. What would we be without him? What would I be without him? I won’t forgive that old skank of a chancellor.

M.E. 760 January 3

I did love Noctis, but in the end I always knew he would never look at me the same way as I did towards him. He was that strange boy I apparently had a little crush on when we were kids, and I’d always drag him along with me to go somewhere. When I lost my memories, I didn’t remember or even recognized him. I’d hear his name everywhere but I never knew who exactly he was. My sister remembered him and told me everything that I’d do with him, but even so I still had no memories. When I met Noctis again at the royal tomb in Leide, he looked like he recognized me because of my eyes and my personality, but I never knew him at the time. When we got out of Leide and went to go camp somewhere, he’d ask me about my brother and sister and what Tenebrae was like. I told him my sister was being held hostage by the Nifs in Altissia, and I didn’t care about my brother. And then I guess Prompto decided to butt in and asked what my sister was like because apparently my sister had sent him letters before too, and he saved Pryna when she was still a puppy. I wonder how much time Luna and Noctis spent together when I wasn’t around.

After that whole incident with Leviathan back in Altissia though, it all came back to me. I remembered Noctis, my family, and being in some sort of other world when I nearly died as a kid. Much pain and much sorrow that I have suffered without realizing it. All the times I wanted to kill my brother for giving our sister and me crap, and I had always thought that he was always out for blood and nothing more than that. That’s why I hated his guts, but if it wasn’t for Luna I may have killed him on the spot already. Well... now he’s dead. I killed him when he turned into a daemon. It was better that way. I was just beginning to remember him too. Luna died in Altissia along with Pryna. When I woke up in Tenebrae and my memories came back to me, Ravus was there. I don’t know how long he was there for, but when I called him my brother, he looked quite surprised and then he asked me a lot of questions on what I can remember. I told him everything that I could remember: Who our mother was, that lullaby we sang together, how close we were, how excited I would get whenever we got to see Noctis... Then I asked him where Luna was, and well... he told me what happened in Altissia, regarding what happened to her when I was unconcious.

I lost everything when I killed my brother. Mom is gone, I never knew what dad was like, Luna is gone, Pryna is gone, and so is Ravus. I guess there’s always Umbra... At least he’s still around. He’s a smart dog like Pryna, except he’s more calmer than she was.

M.E. 763 February 4

I guess Prompto noticed me grieving again. Grieving over just... about everything, and how I always wondered if I was a horrible person or a good person, but in the end I always said I’m neither a good person or a bad person and that I’m just me. I don’t want to be recognized as a princess or just “the oracle’s sister” or “the high commander’s sister”. When someone would look at me, they only saw me as Luna and Ravus’ younger sister. Noctis and the others though... I guess they saw me as more than just all of those.

I came to a realization that about maybe a few years ago that I fell in love with Prompto. He was a good friend that never left me even as many times as I wanted him to leave me alone. Whenever something was wrong and I told him to fuck off, he really would always ask me “You really want me to leave you all alone?” There times that I told him so and he did respect my wishes and left me be. But I guess when I really needed someone to listen to my cries and stories as much as I denied it, he was always the first to come by as if he was always the first to notice. I wonder how long he’s been looking at me for. When I felt like actually crying, he’d let me cry on him. During the times Prompto had suffered he’d come to me or Noct. Well the first person he’d go to as Noct, but then he started coming to me. Maybe he grew some sort of liking to me. Whenever me and him were alone, he’d tell me sob stories about himself hat he was always alone until he saw Pryna and she was injured. He took care of her wounds, gave her baths, food, took her out on walks... When she was gone, he was upset and felt like he was all alone again until he received a letter from my sister that told him to befriend Noctis and remain ever at his side no matter what. When Prompto told me all of that, I wondered if he still had Luna’s letters that she sent to him. Apparently he actually did keep them somewhere safe in his bag and showed them to me. Prompto thought they’d cheer me up at least a little to see how else my sister was like. It’s too bad he and my sister never got to meet in person. In return, I told Prompto what my sister was really like since he asked. At the time I couldn’t remember much about her because of the loss of my memories, so I told him what I knew of her. If someone were to get on her bad side, she would kick ass with no hesitation. Other then that though, she took her time to understand others and she was always at my side.

Now that it’s been quite a long time now, Prompto asked me again what my sister was like. I told her when we were kids, she really loved to pick up sylle blossoms and make tiaras out of them. She’d put them on me and our brother. Luna was also quite a bookworm. She loved to read poems, romance novels, and even action novels. Luna also loved collecting stickers, especially the holographic ones to put in her own stickerbook to make some sort of story out of. Whenever me and Ravus got into a fight over the dumbest things, she’d come by and stop us by pinching our arms. Me and Ravus were close as children, but even so there were times we would get into an argument or a fight. As we all grew, Luna was still the same nice person, and still loved to read, and collect stickers. She also still kicked ass. Ravus on the other hand however, he looked like he changed, but really all he wanted was to protect me and Luna, and I never understood that until that skank of a chancellor decided to come out of no where and stop by to torment me, telling me that he and I failed to protect Luna and take her away from Niflheim’s clutches. However, he succeeded to protecting me, but I killed him.

[dramaplatters]

Blood Review

This Xmas I decided to go and watch some old dramas, Blood was on my watch list for a such a long time but I was avoiding it as I am not a great fan of Gu Hye Seon. 

It's not related with her personally, It is all about her acting.  

So here we go..

I am a great fan of supernatural, paranormal dramas as well as romance dramas.

But I must say I really liked her here.... 

I like Ahn Jae Hyun as an actor, and I have previously watched him on My Love Who Came From The Stars. I decided to give it a try at the end, my roku remote is right under my fingertips, If I do not like or get bored can immediately stop and jump to another drama..

Oh let me tell you this drama has got the collection of handsome hunks 

I am not sure which one to like handsome clever good hearted Vampire Doctor Park Ji Sang or the handsome evil director Lee Jae Wook portrayed by Ji Jin Hee or Lee Ji-hoon or Jung Hae In or Jeon Beom Soo, Kwon Hyun Sang or the lovely Robort Luuvy honestly I can take all :) I can't say no  :) 

Doctor Park Ji Sang works at the Cancer Hospital, he is a vampire and he's been infected the Virus, he's born from the infected parents.  When he was an infant his father killed by other infectees by DR. Lee Jae Wook and his people. 

His lived with his mother until a certain age, he discovered he is a vampire when he was a teen when he was out in a bookstore after seeing a girl's finger bleed, he killed his pet deer & drank its blood that's the first & last time he's done this.

One day when he was walking in the woods, he saw a girl been attacked by wild dogs.  He saves her and treats her... 

His mother and him are  discovered by our evil vampire & his infectees his mother been killed by the other infectees.. 

Before his ma passed away, she asks him to to take the picture in his room and burn the house not to infect others.

After this We see him in Kochenia working as a surgeon..

We are now where he is working as a surgeon in Cancer Hospital..

He lives with his friend Hyun Woo & their house pet LUUVY the robort. 

Aww How I love LUUVY. & LUUVY is a  daebak :))

OST is also another great part of this drama

Right back to our topic..

We see him as a cold emotionless doctor,  as soon as he arrives to the hospital he clashes with Doctor Yoo Ri-Ta. Ri-Ta is the niece of Seok Joo who is the chairman of the hospital, later we learn that he also have serious health conditions.  Since he was a child he wanted to live a normal like the other humans. His ma told him that it's possible and until after one surgery he never had problems living with humans or working at the hospital, the pills he was taking created by his mother developed by Hyun Woo exchanged by other infectees. 

Prof Park appears like a cold heartless guy but infact later on we saw that it's just a mask he's been wearing when he started to develop feelings for Ri-Ta.

Also Prof Ri-Ta is the girl whom he saved when he was younger.

Other than the infectees working as a normal doctor at the hospital, Ri-Ta, Hyun Woo, Soo Eun & another Prof whose father was involved in the research of this infection knows that he is a vampire..

I love the scenes of  Hyun Woo & Seo Eun, I totally shipped them..

Ahh LUUVY was adding sweetness to the drama.. 

They start to use some patients (Dr Evil & his infectees) who are either homeless or not enough money to pay for hospital fees, they put those patients into a different ward, called 21 and protected buy security team, all the hospital been watched by CCTV cameras..  

After a certain time we could see the side effects of the drugs- vampire infection given to the patients, they even give it to the small kids, which is upsetting

So the fight in between the good & evil goes on in the hospital...

Nearly everyone is either turned infectee or an infectee working as a Doc / Surgeon or as someone from a pharmaceutical company..  or turned into infectees.

Yes we did not have a lot kiss scenes but the language  the unspoken body language gave us, shall I say gave me and that was satisfying enough

I bawled when the infectees killed  Hyun Woo :( 

he was Park Ji Sang's everything after he lost his mother..  now he lost his friend, his brother..  

Why did they have to kill him :((

We actually saw Park Ji Sang crying in this epiode....

He felt sorry, as he thinks he could not protect his friend, he immediately went to Dr.Evil but they have injected him the stuff kills vampires..  a  couple of times..  

After that he went back to his apartment to Rita & Hyung Woo...  He gave her a hug..  he said  it's all my fault..  

He said in the next life be born somewhere really far away from me, even it's by coincidence, be born somewhere where we can not meet..   Got it??

We see Ri-Ta, Park Ji Sang, Soo Eun sitting in Park Ji Sang's flat, We see Luuvy slowly approaching them, there is a photo of a cake on the his screen, we see Hyun Woo wishing him happy birthday, he  is telling him he's happy that now he has someone else to look after him..  he tells him that he loves Park Ji Sang..   They both bursts into tears..

This is ain't what I was expecting this :)

I wanted all 4 to be a couple and I really wanted to see them raising their kids...

The Intern Doc & other infectee got orders to kill Ri-Ta, they have been to her flat to kill her, she reached the injection but the intern girl stopped her. 

They have not killed her at the end..  

So the evil Biochemist and the doc made the exact same discovery as well: If Ji-sang eats meat, he'll  start bleeding uncontrollably, and then, his brain will explode...

Oh now Ji Jang is with Dr Handsome Evil, but he is holding Rita as a hostage, he asks to let her go and kill him instead... ah gosh no matter how evil is our doc I still like him, this is called 2nd lead syndrome....

As all the other handsome hunks are all gone we have been left with Ji Sang & Dr. Evil... 

Dr Evil attempt to stab Ji Sang from the heart but our Vampire intern had stopped him, he killed the other vampire infectee.   telling I gave you life now I am taking it back..   While Dr Evil trying to stab 

Ji Sang once again intern vampire got stabbed..  Dr Evil injected smth to kill Ji Sang Ji Sang stabbed him from his heart..   So now Dr Evil & two other infectees are death..

Oh gosh tears tears and tears..  

Oh no I was wrong Dr. Evil is not death but he’s gone old.....  he’s still sexy sorry...   he says even if he is gonna grown old he wont give up. 

Ji Sang & Rita are on the roof top talking..   he’s talking about death

Sun rises and he’s slowly dying, he says even if it’s a short period of time, I lived like a human because of you..

So he dies in her arms... saying Saranghae, she says gomawoyo

Rita is in Kochenia now, we can hear Waves of The Danube Waltz (Anniversary Waltz) playing at the back ground

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xTN6TiusVQo

We can see she is looking at someone in town center, we see a young girl and a middle aged man turning and smiling at her and later on we understood, that's the girl he had operated way back on the first episodes...

She is sitting in a restaurant and looking at their photo when they first went on a date...

She's slowly walking... and someone is behind her following her...

she starts to run....

We see that vampires are following her

Girl watcha thinking you are right in the middle where all the vampires live... Kochenia

somebody is beating off the vampires...

so the guy slowly approaches Rita..  & gives his hand..  oopsy daisy that's our Ji Sang, thought he was death...  is she dreaming?  are they both death?

Who knows??  another open ending

Damn that they are not giving us S2