#im at work rn i cant think of words
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there is being more attractive accessibility/disability/medical gear/equipment/garments made but where are the nice compression garments?!
#im talking stuff like wheelchairs and eds splints and ostomy bags#im at work rn i cant think of words#all i know is compression garments not looking good
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does it look okay? i cant tell anymore
anyway nace jordan
#nace jordan#joker out#joker out fanart#2024#i dont think i can articulate my thoughts coherently so ramblings in the tags it is (sorry)#im so frustrated rn#im searching for something and i cant find it#im trying new things but it doesnt seem to work 4 me and im angy#really tried to make this purple but nope! its yellow green red again#why am i like this#ik its just a plateau and its normal and i just have to ride it out but rrraaaahhhhh#it was v dumb to think i found my voice#and i was happy with my art#now i dont like anything i do (but my old stuff looks decent to me so idk)#frustrated is the word
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i miss writing so fucking much 😭😭😭
#'but aly you have been writing' and there has been no fulfillment no enjoyment. writing is something where i THOROUGHLY enjoy the process#i love it!!! i love writing so much!!!!! and i love that i love it!!!!!!!!! but right now it is just. borderline a chore. and anything#i try to write just frustrates me because i KNOW i can do better than this but the words just. arent working in my brain!!!#its been at least a couple weeks now and i still have sososoSO many ideas that are just. sitting there gathering dust#that i want to write and i want to love writing but i Don't. its something im like. making myself do because i know i should#instead of something im doing because i love it and i want to#and thats exactly what i NEVER want writing to become for me. ever. i refuse to push myself into burnout or disliking it#but that means Waiting and the waiting is driving me up a fucking wall i feel gross i feel like im losing my mind and usually writing would#HELP that and yet!!!!!!! here we are#no matter what i think of no matter what i try im not enjoying it. diff fandoms povs the literal HUNDREDS of scenes i have planned out and#waiting to be written!! none of it!!!! none of it has been doing anything remotely positive for me#i cant even use it to calm down when im overthinking because all its doing rn is making me overthink More!!!#delete later#this was Not supposed to be a vent 😭😭😭#im just so fucking sick of it its one of the biggest and only things that consistently makes me feel good and i miss it so much
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The resplendent being sat before him, his body of pure energy free from substance gently angled in a polite pose, equal and alien to him in every way; the faint anthropomorphic shape of his self looked upon the opaque man before him with mellow eyes in a saddened, drooping cut.
"I am not an object anymore," Mata Nui spoke kindly, softly, without anger - only a great tiredness. "I am self-aware enough to know the differences between us are not as marked as they once might have seemed. I have grown up."
What a horrible, terrible, wondrous thing to hear.
"I still hold pleasant memories of you."
"I am not your father," Angonce said with a voice that shook and trembled in his throat.
The words left his mouth with a sound similar to the warble of a juvenile bird, still unsure of its song, still scared of singing it out loud; his eyes were lucid, reflections gleaming bright in the distance that separated them like stars of different solar systems. His hands laid down at his sides, perfectly still, just as tense as if they had been balled into fists. His breaths wavered as they clawed their way in and out of his chest, crushed by an emotion he was scared of giving a name to.
"A father should not feel the way I do about the possibility of you being my son."
Mata Nui smiled.
"You are an honest man." he said simply.
He did not stand, for he was too tired, too catastrophically, unthinkably fatigued to do so. But he leaned his head to the side slightly, only slightly, and the man knew from that minute movement that he would be gone soon.
"Goodbye, Angonce." the Demiurge said: "Thank you for allowing me everything I ever asked of you."
Then the god was alone.
He sat down heavily, grasping his face in his hands as though a part of him had died; a long shiver wrecked him, and his gritted teeth clattered against each other to replace his sobs.
#bionicle#mata nui#angonce#random writing#and with this i think im done with the weird mata nui & great beings saga i ended up writing for some dang reason#this is supposed to be both a culmination of angonces feelings towards mata nui in general and also an opposite situation to velikas#velika renounces fatherhood because he refuses to recognize mata nui et al as people but only as objects so they cant be his children#angonce renounces fatherhood because he recognizes he struggles to love and accept mata nui as who and what he is#and so he has no right to claim hes worth anything to mata nui at all#or something like that. words arent working rn
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yknow something i didnt realize while with them was how little i wanted to vent or open up because they made me feel guilty about it or made it about themself every time i did (even if they didnt mean to, they still did)
and how much im more willing to randomly vent to my friends now and admit im not doing okay or hell, *even tell my boyfriend when i have issues in the relationship*
hindsight is 20/20 for sure, but it's crazy how much has changed in the timespan of a little over half a year just because one person left my life permanently.
it should not have been normalized for me to be scared of telling my partner things.
#like im also more open about liking neopronouns and such#or media that my friends might not also like#or CHARACTERS or HEADCANONS they might not also like#hell ive given some characters headcanons i had before but didnt feel safe expressing because they would get angry if i deviated from their#so anyways gay lloyd from ninjago <3#lesbian barb from trolls <3#and bicurious daniel from little hope <3#im sure theres more i cant think of rn lol#i can also fully admit i like ships like climbing class now lollll#idk im rambling :P but its amazing that i can be open with my friends and boyfriend now about the things i like#and they actually wanna listen to me talk about it and dont give me one word responses or shut down the convo?#wow????#do yall understand how amazing it was to have 💙 start getting into my interests just because i went “i really like this thing��#without having to be bribed or begged to#like. wtf!!!#ive never had that before!!!#or the fact he's actively working with me towards a future where we can live together and we're working out the details?#instead of just letting shit sit around for months without looking at it?#and im not the only one saving up towards living together???#and i dont have to feel guilty about the way i feel towards things! like my polyamory!#wraow.... i love my friends and boyfriend actually#🦝#🌱 vents#vent#hey 🦝 i think you abandoning me was the best thing you ever did for me xoxo
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#what do you call it when a mind is lacking in depth of m thought? is there a word for that?#because all my mind can do is spin in tiny circles. never push any further. no depth of thought#i cant even carry out this line of thought to completion in my head. i have to write it down like this or else it remains stuck in an eddy#its so frustrating. when my thoughts are pressured i spin so fast it feels like my head might pop but the thoughts never go anywhere#bc they just repeat the same god damn things all thr fucking time. they drag me around in circles. then when im feeling low or even like#normal. my head just feels empty and it freaks me out. i have no intersting thoughts to think. theres nothing behind my eyes#possibly its just my brain on 0cd. but how am i suppose to escape the spiral if its in my own head? i guess im just supposed to changr my#reaction to it. recognize what it is and let it go. but i dont like it#i just want to curl up on a warm tile floor. press myself into a quiet corner and not think anything#in an aquarium or a conservatory. specifically the conservatory in Columbus. i love that place#i went there for my birthday when i was like 12 bc i liked it so much. the botanically gardens and the butterflies and the stained glass#i dunno. i just like it there. ugh. im just tired#god. there was a really cool talk today and im always like im not that inattentive lol but then i cannot for the life of me follow a talk or#read a paper all thr way through. my short term working memory is just a tiny little cup. easy to overfill#so i miss mostly everything. its so frustrating#its all frustrating. whatever. back to the psychiatrist tomorrow. probably up thr lamicta1 dosage#bc im past where i was last time i had a reaction to it 💪#i just wish i wanted to draw. drawing just makes me tired and impatient rn#unrelated
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The heat of summer has taken from me the ability to write so until it cools down consider me retired
#smokey talks#im joking btw i just really cannot focus in this heat and its bugging me#i really really really wanna work on my wip#but i cant stare at words for v long rn#and thinking is almost out of the question
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OH I DO ACTUALLY HAVE ONE QUESTION IM CURIOUS ABOUT & i dont Think it'll be big spoilers? feel free 2 ignore if it is. but like wheree is rockfall/newhaven/surrounding area, like, geographically. assuming the country they're in is somewhat analogous to the usa. r they east coast west coast midwest.... i wanna knoww... 👀👀👀
OH OH UHHHH. THERE IS ACTUALLY A MAP theyve neber posted it because its pretty much just taken directly from the mutants and masterminds rulebook with a handful of names and places changed (i cannot send it to u yet bc there are a few places u havent heard of yet so remind me to do that later) BUT. IF I REMEMBER CORRECTLY. rockfall is either slightly north or south of new haven, new haven is on the east coast, [other big city u dont know the name of yet] is also on the east coast "a few territories away from new haven" so like. a couple states i guess (?), deadwood is pretty far away to the west, like. roadtrip/fly in a plane length away .
#theres not a whole lot of specifics with location its mostly just “close/far. coastal/not coastal” so its hard to say specifics.#rockfall is close to new haven though ive always imagined it like.#ok bear with me here im gonna reference irl places but i grew up in a small ish north of pittsburgh maybe like 45 mins away from downtown#but still technically its own town (?) so thats what ive been imaginging lmao .#theres probably a word for that but im at work rn and cant be assed to think of it#also!!! interesting fact that i always forget. rockfall is also bordered by a desert. i catn remember if thats been mentioned yet#asks#:D#intertexts#I HOPE THAT AT LEAST SOMEWHAT ANSWERED YOUR QUESTION
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sometimes I have nothing to say to you but just have this strong urge to send you an ask & this is one of those times. Hi! Hope you're having a good day <3 same goes for Kirk, Silas, Yati and whoever hangs around this blog, I hope you all are having a lovely day today. Bye bye now :)
HIIIII THIS IS GREAT TIMED BECAUSE IM NOT HAVING A GREAT DAY BUT I LOVE GETTING ASKS SO THANK YOU WKAJHGFDSDFGHJJH :DD
#NOT THAT ITS GOING BAD IM JUST. VERY VERY SICK WAKJHGFDFGH#and my brain cannot do words so i cant even work on wips because its hard to think linear rn? ANYWA JHGFDFGHJ#answered
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there are so many things to do and i am just a little guy
#dragon's discussions#context i have 4 projects i want to work on (in some order: spiderverse fic -> end patch -> rest of minecraft patches -> hobie brown cospla#-> other cool patches (for a battlevest in the future)#AND I STILL HAVE 2 GET READY FOR WORK TOMORROW#AND DO COLLEGE STUFF#FUCK#SHIT DAMN#ok hold on lemme make a list lets see#work stuff: i have 2 make my lunch and get water ready#we're doing cpr training tomorrow so itll be fairly easy + chill#college stuff is w/e i can do that later#and im INGORING school (im not im having an anurysm just thinking abou it)#end patch is fairly easy except i didn't size the base properly so i need to sew it on in a way that it doesnt fray#hobie brown needs the battlevest first so thats on backburner so it doesnt really count ig#BUT THE FIC#fuck im in a weird mindset rn i cant concentrate on shit and feel kinda not here#anyway#fic hard words weird i think i wrote myself into a mini corner and i keep repeating myself#anyway im going to get work lunch over with
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I'll be honest kinda don't like OP of that post scolding people like I hate that kind of attitude. But also. Only post I've seen abt the 504 plan suit + the news about Kansas gives me a bit more hope that maybe we can pressure Missouri's AG who I fucking hate
#.txt#idk anything thats like ''no one is talking about this!!!!'' like ok now i dont want to reblog so even less people are. so.#idk i cant think of how to word it and im at work rn so. whatever
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#listen. i dont wanna b a hater. but. ive got some perhaps unpopular media opinions#and some opinions that idk if they're unpopular but they r the words of a hater#the main thing on my mind is the fall of the house of ush3r. bc i thought it was fine. but felt like it was trying too hard to b successi0n#and imaginging that idea written by the successi0n writers just makes the series seem a lil pale by comparison#like successi0n handled some of the ideas that house of ush3r was trying to tackle so so much better#and they didnt need a supernatural element. so like. i just think its not that good by comparison. part of the issue is i think just the way#the guy writes. cant think of his name rn but u can feel it in his other words as well. ppl dont talk like ppl. and sometimes thats fine.#like i lov midnight m4ss. and i think the writing works there but idk for this one i just thought it was kinda cringe#and was trying too hard to b edgy. idk. maybe im just being a hater#i feel like this is the safest unpopular option i have. bc the other unpopular options r about extremely popular tumblr shows :-/#unrelated
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I forgot time... passes
So if im unable to wrestle this fic chapter by new years I will throw you some other tldc wip snippets as a little present!! (I will probably do this whether I finish the chapter or not)
#rangnar rambles#i did open the document with Intent to work on it. n then derailed myself immediately thinking about the whole multiple timelines thing#so mainly im thinking about that rn 🫶#its winter so my brain is a write off for the next 3 months sorryyyyy <3#i cant even do the shit i need to do to live rn let alone guiltlessly work on my fun projects#BUT you can have my paragrahs that are filled with [square brackets] where i forgot a word or couldnt make it flow right#i love square brackets she supports me no matter what <3#merry holidays or whateva 🥰💕#tryna think if i even have like. some drawings. but naurrr its just the animation rn 😔 which WILL slay if i can make myself finish it
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me finding the person who hid this fic from me for years
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caged in this lullaby ⤖ lee felix
❖ genre : assassin au; cop au; action; fluff; angst
❖ word count : 7,2k.
❖ warning : explicit language, mentions of blood, arson & violence
❖ summary : felix ultimately lets go of all and allows himself to drown in the ashes of bitter tragedy to see what stays. the last thing he’d expect is a stranger with his greatest secret.
❖ dedicated to @blueprint-han : a continuation of aria of an assassin. song used — the lullaby by sophism, all credits to the owner.
prologue.
Fire cares not for the time it vanishes, only that it gives the world heat and light.
The entire building burns deeply in red, orange, and yellow. The cries of the neighborhood echoes into the night with sirens blaring in the background. Your frozen figure can only watch in terror as glowing embers dance and twirl, searing through the ground, ripping through the roof in despair. Tendrils of smoke are reaching into the sky desperately as if attempting to escape the blazing inferno below.
Keep reading
#it’s me im the problem AND YK WHAT MAYBE I WAS ON TO SOMETHING BCS ?????????#TELL ME WHY i get here w good vibes from part one only for [redacted] to die immediately#what happened to hello (happiness)#i see things haven’t changed since however long this was posted smh smh#maya i cant believe u 🧍🏻♀️ now im sad and for what exactly I HOPE YOURE HAPPY#im at a loss for words#im kinda happy tho that I found this gem in my drafts bcs i miss ur writing and i was thinking of rereading some of ur stuff#only a missinghan publication will make me question my existence 🙂↕️#OKAY BACK TO THE STORY#WTFSDFHSDSDHJFKASD ????? IM RUNNING SHORT ON TIME BUT I WILL RAMBLE QUICKLY#SO THEYRE BROTHERS ??? OR LIKE NO THEY KNEW EACH OTHER#HOW DID MINHO END UP WORKING FOR HOUSE OF CARDS ??? OR DID HE NOT WORK FOR THEM AND THEY JUST OFFED HIM#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#AND MC MY POOR BABY IS ON A REVENGE ARC ;-;-;-;-;#WHY COULDNT HE HAVE GOTTEN OUT OF THE FIRE I THOUGHT U WERE A BIG BAD SCARY ASSASSIN (IM MAD AT HIM FOR DYING OFC)#Ripping my hair out i demand a continuation or an explanation rn (not serious)#furat’s little library
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sometimes i forget that i have to physically look at my tag
#ive been on this website since 2011 dont look at me#the funniest thing is if you go on my archive#ingoring posts ive straight up privated or deleted bc i was younger and they embarassed me#i dont think ive ever actually not been on this website for more than a few weeks#like i had long LONG breaks from my lersonal where every six months id fill the q#post an odd gifset and abscond away somewhere#but if im not here im on an rp#and if im not on an rp im logged in here#and thats just been my cycle since 2013 or so#bc the first two years i would be on all ac#cts simutaneously and uhhhh thats how i deleted my original personal sO#if i didnt delete a lot pf#those rps to delete the memories which didnt eve. work#imagine how many years of complete tabble i’d have rn#i actually saw a word count page i had made in like 2016 on here snd#i at one point wrote upwards of 50000 words a month just in rp replies#and now even just getting a thread started is so hard bc i plot w ppl post a thing and nothing happens lmao#and i dont blame anyone for that we all adults now n it hard but its also kind of sad yknow#i dedicated so much time to writing bc it brings me joy but like i havent gotten anywhere w it#and unfortunately i live in america so if i cant make my hobbies earn me money then#/shrug shrug#i also feel horrible anytime i ask for money tgo for anything so like lol#growing up a people pleaser what uppppp#jts almost 430 am no i have. not slept
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