#im always thinking about that damn heart | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sejanusarchive · 4 months ago

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There’s so many layers to Sejanus being devastated by Marcus’s fate.

He hates how the districts are treated by the Capitol, hates the cruelty of the Hunger Games, he feels the same emotional pain he would have felt being a tribute himself, if not even more, having to watch completely safe from afar, unable to do anything to put an end to the senseless slaughter, while guilt gnaws at him for not risking getting picked to participate himself, for having escaped.

No innocent child deserves that, and it gets even worse when one of the children picked is someone he personally knows, someone he used to share a routine with, someone he used to spend hours alongside in a classroom.

And that child isn’t just someone, that child is Marcus, the kind boy who, while not even being his friend, went out of his way to help him when he got hurt, completely unprompted, just out of the goodness of his heart.

That boy is a testament to what Sejanus already knows, that everyone seems to keep forgetting, which is that humanity at its core is and can be better than how it’s currently behaving. Not to mention how that was probably the last time Sejanus ever experienced an act of such pure, unconditional kindness. And that simple gesture was so impactful on him, it was enough to cement Marcus’s presence in his heart for all those years and then the rest of his life, and it no doubt helped shape Sejanus into the person he became. Someone as good as Marcus shouldn’t be going through all of that, and it drives Sejanus crazy. If the Hunger Games were too much for him to handle before, now that Marcus is involved, they're unbearable.

But there’s more to Marcus. He is also a safe memory to Sejanus, one who undoubtedly often comforted him when he was feeling at his worst. And he’s one of the main things Sejanus thinks about when he thinks of District 2, his home. Home, which despite the fact that he lived there during the war, despite all the suffering he witnessed, despite the reality of the current living conditions there, is still Sejanus’s happy, safe place; it’s the place he belongs to, the place that could fix almost everything for him. But he can never return there. It has to exist only as a memory, kept safely locked away and untouched in his mind and heart.

But when Marcus arrives in the Capitol, he brings his home with him too, he is the physical manifestation of it. Sejanus’s desperation doesn’t just stem from the fact that it’s Marcus, the innocent, kind-hearted boy, undeserving of such cruelty; but also from the fact that that’s his Marcus as well, the one whose existence is synonymous to his home, his sweet boy from his memories, his comfort. Marcus being there doesn’t only mean the pointless, unjust death of a good person, Marcus being there also means the death of Sejanus’s home, its image no longer far away, safe and untouched, kept only in his mind.

Now it’s here and crumbling in front of his eyes. He already knew the reality of things, but it was just that: knowledge. Now he’s face to face with it, face to face with the fact that neither Marcus or his home are or will ever be safe. And, worst of all, he has no way to save them, or anyone else, he’s powerless and completely hopeless against the cruelty of the Capitol, against their fate; and now more than ever, since he’ll have to witness the death of the boy whose memory so often brought him hope before.

In the end all that’s left of both of them, for Sejanus, is a small chunk of marble, made from the same material as his District and carved into the shape of a heart, because that’s exactly where Sejanus’s own is: home with Marcus. We learn he has carried it to his new life in Twelve, immediately before we learn the only pictures he’s taken with him are of his family and his classmates in Two, of him, home for one the last times, standing with Marcus right behind him. That heart is the last physical object connected to Two and Marcus that he’ll have with him for the rest of his life, the last symbol of what he lost and will never get back, of what he couldn’t save or help.

But it’s also the one object connected to them that he brought with him when he regained faith, when he felt like he could finally make a difference and actually help people in the districts; the last symbol that things could still get better and not all hope is lost.

For Sejanus Marcus is a kind and innocent kid; he’s the good in humanity; he’s a safe memory; he’s the marble heart, because he is hope and comfort, and despair and helplessness, and home, and because he is deeply rooted in his own heart

#marble heart best character in the saga and it only appears very briefly twice #jokes aside its truly one of the most interesting elements in the book if not in the entire saga #this is my interpretation of only part of its meaning #im always thinking about that damn heart #also it took me days to write this cause i was never satisfied there was always more to say #(and bc im a perfectionist and kept rewriting each sentence but now i said whatever and just posted it)#everything about marcus and sejanus both separately and as a pair is SO interesting #such great characters and marcus isnt even around for that long #i love them so much #sejanus plinth #marcus tbosas #sejarcus #marble heart #gonna start tagging it every time i talk about it #the ballad of songbirds and snakes

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quirkle2 · 5 months ago

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i have GOT to stop drawing things for fics i haven't written yet

#qkdraws #id in alt #mob psycho 100 #mob psycho #mp100 #mp100 ritsu #ritsu kageyama #takenaka momozou #in general i think i'm pretty proud of this one #i was going for a very specific vibe and i'm not sure if i rly hit the mark but i got close i think #i love giving ritsu long as fuck hair. boy get u a brush and some scissors my god #goes against his generally put-together appearance in canon #in my heart he's a messy 13 year old with leaves in his hair and no brush to be seen in his bathroom. he doesn't own one.#he learns to be a little more Himself after s3 and he becomes a little less perfectly civil and a little more Wild #without the gang fights this time tho. character development #that's within ritsu standards ofc. he still says please and thank you and still sits w perfect posture at the dinner table #but if he comes home w mud in that stupid spiky cut uhm . let him live his life ? damn.#what was i talking about . ...oh right the tumblr post #if u ask me abt this fic i'll give u my entire collection of cool rocks. they're around here somewhere.some of them are sparkly #i like drawing takenaka i think his hair is fun #it's basically oot link hair and that's always cool #made it extra messy this time. to convey the Horrors #u have no idea the amount of restraint it took to NOT put ritsu in a hoodie here #im god's strongest soldier

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cherry-treelane · 2 months ago

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I find it so ironically funny when hardcore Debbie defenders use the defense that she was just a victimised teenage girl (agreed) and then proceed to slander Fiona and express their hatred for her character and lack of sympathy

as if being an adult magically absolves an individual of the horrifying trauma that precedes them and screws up their mentality and actions

funnily enough these people get mad at others for "expecting Debbie to be an innocent angel and hating on her for acting out as a result of trauma" (also agreed, debbie does deserve more sympathy, she can't be expected to grow up to be a perfect saint when she's been through so much) yet seem to hold Fiona to the same unattainable standards and put her on a pedestal as if she wasnt a child that was forced to intensely grow up while never actually being raised

like lets put this into perspective and remember that fiona grew up surrounded by corrupt morals and insanely screwed up behaviour yet still emerged as messed up, yes, but surprisingly good considering the situation she was in??? she had to navigate basic things such as morals and being a good, responsible person on her own. imagine how difficult it must be to lead a bunch of kids, including yourself, with no previous role model or good example of your own to follow. most of the time, she always tried to do what she thought was best and would have the most desirable outcome

#listen a lot of the time debbie defenders make good points #is debbie my favourite? no but she does deserve more sympathy #im really unserious on here and ive made some dumb meaningless jokes but at the heart of it i have sympathy for debbie #so no its not the debbie defense i have an issue with #its the way these people claim to be #1 understanders of shameless women and their complexity #top defenders #including of the women who have said and done worse than/just as bad as fiona #and then proceed to spew all this vitriolic lack of sympathy regarding fionas character #they always talk about fiona making the choice to be their legal guardian #as if the situation wasnt complex and 1) she felt pushed into an inescapable corner #2) that doesnt change the fact that she'd have strong feelings about her baby sister choosing to have a whole baby???#she claimed legal guardianship over HER siblings she did not foresee any other children being added to the mix #so yes she went about it harshly at times when she made debbie raise franny independently #but its not surprising considering her exhausted life?? her history as a TEENAGE GIRL and CHILD of raising kids???#there are actual mothers who'd be worse about this situation and fiona wasnt trying to be nasty #it was tough love and it could've been shown in better ways #and im not putting all the blame on debbie cause she was so young and vulnerable #but at the end of the day she made a choice and fiona was trying to help her understand the importance of consequences to your choice #and navigating adulthood when you choose to behave like one #of course debbie was often put in situations where she felt like she had to be a grown up and that is not her fault #but its not fionas either. theyre all just trying to survive. and fiona tried her damn hardest to preserve debbies childhood #so how do you think she'll react realistically to the whiplash of debbie purposefully getting pregnant #ultimately theres a lot of complexity and flaws and nuance to these situations and i find it weird when people criticise #others for putting so much blame on debbie #and then do the same to fiona as if shes not a victimised product of her environment too #you can show sympathy to debbie while understanding Fiona too and being critical in a mature #nuanced way #im not being a hater to anyone btw im just sharing some thoughts and letting it out. all im saying is #most of the shameless women deserve sympathy and understanding and its strange to deny fiona of that

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muirneach · 9 months ago

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it is fascinating to me that the majority of people it seems have never considered that borders are just lines on a map? its just a piece of paper? not to have anarchic tendencies but like. it’s just words

#tried to type and retype this sentiment in prev but it kind of negates the premise of the post (which i agree with)#because like. yeah borders are just lines #but like re prev jannik IS italian since thats what he identifies with #even though people call him german/austrian because of his background #which is weird to say right? its weird. like idk man he plays for team italy sooo #so i didnt want to be like well borders are fake. true but not the point #and now unrelated to prev post but back to the topic of borders #they do fascinate me. guy who’s obsessed with colonial history #something i think about a lot is like. ppl r always talking about how tiny european countries are etc #and its like yeah. due to the diversity of ethnic groups in the continent (yeah yeah multiple cultures in a country too)#and then comparing that to north america like if we considered indigenous bands and nations in the same way its the same thing #but no one ever talks about it. like damn theres a great diversity of people groups worldwide and only europe gets to carve out areas #<- although like again. not that im pro ethnicstate or pro border but like theres a reason why europe is small and other countries arent #idk. i heart political science and history and anthropology and culture god bless

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designernishiki · 2 years ago

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it really means the world to me that little 12 year old daigo mentions that kiryu used to hang out with him a lot, meaning a teenage kiryu (and likely a teenage nishiki as well) basically babysat an even younger daigo on the reg for some amount of time. i wonder what shenanigans they got up to

#if im remembering correctly i think they said something about going to the arcade but yeah other than that #they’re so… different. I feel like kiryu would try to teach him a sport and daigo would fucking hate it #unless he could manage to change the rules around so that he can hit nishiki with the ball a bunch of times #and I mean it’s not like kiryu would be helping him with schoolwork #like let’s be real here #all jokes aside I imagine it really meant a lot to daigo to have someone treat him like a normal kid and encourage doing #stupid normal kid things instead of whatever his other caretakers had him doing #kiryu (especially at that point) is just a big child at heart in his own way- probably more than daigo was ever really allowed to be-#so it’d be a nice oasis from the cold strict monotony of daigo’s typical life.#that and kiryu (and probably even more so nishiki) is actually somewhat physically affectionate unlike probably anyone else in daigo’s life #and isn’t afraid to like. ruffle his hair or pat him a little too hard on the back or what have you #man those two have known each other basically their entire lives huh???#like damn it’s just now really hitting me that they’ve known each other like. at least 35-40 years?#could be longer depending on if kazama introduced them prior to kiryu becoming a yakuza and all that #kiryu’s just sort of been. always there in daigo’s life. that’s sorta wild #anyway time for me to stop talking #rambling #daigo #kiryu

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radgeorgie · 5 months ago

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had an amazing interview yesterday.... was told I'd know by Monday.... but it's alleged they DRUG TEST and I just bought 6 packs of weed edibles 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

#AND!!!!! AND!!!!!! IVE GOT THE HOUSE TO MYSELF FOR A SOLID WEEK!!!!!!!#i guess ill know monday if i can get high that night or tuesday but like.... i want to have one now lmao #like.... the paper i signed was more worried about being drunk on the jo #and OBVIOUSLY i wouldnt show up to my folder customer service job high off my ass..... but that thc can stay in your system for awhilw #i had one last nigbt tk celebrate the interview so idk if im even in the clear to begin with #and like.... i told them my start date would ve the 20th & im out of town vefore that so the goal is like.... they go to achedule #and we have to schedule it way out so i have time to like.....not worry & get my pee clean #like.... it wouldnt matter so much if my parents werent LEAVING this E N T I R E week... like.... this is MY vacatioj too!!!!!#and i just bought it after a horrid week 😭😭😭😭😭 worked my ass of it for it in order to relax this week #like #i know i shouldnt be dependent on it and im really trying not to ve #but the anti-anxiety relaxing of it all helps so much #and im reeeeeally not the biggest fan of drinking....i pee too much 😭😭😭😭😭 ironically 😭😭😭😭😭😭#like.... at this point.... its like..... do i care about getting this job more than i care about letting my brain and body relax this week #i always put myself first & listen to my heart & soul to dictate what to do #but my mind just keeps thinking about getting that failed drug test back and going back to the job hunt #but im still IN the job hi t #*hunt #AND HERES THE THING!!!! walking around that damn office.... seeing what people were wearing.....#its professional but i know damn well theres people in there smoking weed #like.... 25 of the 50 employees i saw showed up in casual loungepants these people are not prestigious #and like.... the paper i signed.... they didnt even edit to include the company name????#it kept saying “the Company will not like you to drink on the clock and assumes you will not get behind company vechiles drunk either”#like.... tooooootally understandable i just wanna eat some edibles before im an official employee of your folder business my loves #let me have a 50mg and zone out for the night while im finally free from all these losers..... PLEASE #anyways......personal problems that my brain needs to expel so it doesnt tumble all around for the next few houes #WHILE I DOORDASH 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 fuck me #like..... i got this interview through indeed ill just keep going till i cant if it fails

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mercurymacaroons · 5 months ago

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woagh 2 posts in one day

#sketch #listen your honor i love him #im unsure if i wanna tag yosuke in this bc theyre like 15 min sketches so i think imma leave it like this and let the lord decide #i know hes not a like the fan fave in persona but somehow the trash boy has grown on me and is now like top 4 for the whole damn franchise #like mold or smth #you just gotta like reimagine him as a very tired repressed bi 16 yr old in a closet made of glass and he immediately becomes more likeable #like bro he works retail and is 16 thats why hes like that #also like the scene from the group date in pq where he goes “all right now we can be partners for all eternity!!!!”#that lives in my head rent free #listen he lives with teddie and works retail #as someone who also worked retail i promise you most of his not kanji related outbursts are justified #the kanji stuff is bad fr fr but like hes also 16 in 2011 #let the 1st 16yr old who was not an asshole and uninformed cast the first stone #sorry i have a lot of feelings for 1 yosuke hanamura and i needed to tell all of you in this my diary #which reminds me #most of yall came from me posting about dr which ndrv3 has a very special place in my heart and on my walls #but alas p4 kicked saihara to the curb so idk if ill be making anymore??????? maybe i might in the future but idk im old and tired #and dr is and always will be full of 13 yr olds which is fine but i dont wanna interact with them bc im old #and tired of the same discourse every 6 months #maybe when the not actually but totally is dr4 that kodaka is cooking up drops ill make dr art again but unlikely for rn #once i figure out how p4 protag chan's bowl cut works ill draw boys kissing #i do need to figure out how to draw boys kissing #since it will also lead to figuring out how to draw girls kissing which is almost dare i say more important #anywho thank you for coming to my newest diary entry #i will never stop yapping in the tags #this is a promise #yall gotta know all my thoughts in as many characters and tags tumblr will let me have

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fardf150 · 6 months ago

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fuck

#like idk i never realized just how bad she hurt me. i didnt even rly realize she hurt me at all #bc there are so so so many ways she sldve reacted so much worse. but like i never thought someone cld just straight up ignore it.#like i get the way i told her was dumb and confusing. ok. i can understand that. whatever #but idk. she said she wished my sister had told her years earlier so that she cldve helped her back then #but then suddenly it's different when it's me. suddenly it's 'but youve always been my little girl' and 'oh i dont know that sounds dangerou #s' and 'are you sure?' and 'how long have you felt like this'#well it's been almost 5 fucking years now and it hasnt changed. i havent changed. fuck #i trusted her. i trusted her to be there for me and to support me and to accept me and she threw it back in my face and never even blinked #i can never ever trust her again and she doesnt care. she doesnt even know bc shes so wrapped up in all the fucking lies she tells herself #fuck. she did everything wrong. fuck. i can never fully trust anyone with this part of me again bc of her #and it's awful bc it's such an important part of me. it brings me so much joy and i think on it often and i love myself for it #but it's just simmering in my chest and every time i think of letting it hit air again i freeze bc i thought it was safe once and it WASNT.#i wanted to get my name changed before high school. i wanted to start the medical process. i wanted all the thing i thought shed do for me.#my wants and my understanding of my identity has changed now but it still hurts.#it hurts so bad to see other ppl my age get all of that and to have the support of their family and to not be afraid to put a name to it all #im happy for them. but it's so awful hearing her point those ppl out w no self awareness like oh thats so good for them isnt that sweet #I AM RIGHT HERE! YOU COULD BE DOING ALL OF THAT! I NEEDED YOU TO BE THAT FOR ME!#and every time she does acknowledge it she gets it completely wrong or it's just to bemoan how little she understands #'oh everyones changing their name now its so confusing' 'im really trying i dont know what else you want from me' NO YOURE NOT! YOURE NOT!#YOUVE NEVER BEEN WILLING TO TRY. NOT FOR ME.#you never fucking loved me you loved the idea of what you thought i would be and you cant fucking let it go even when the truth is staring #you dead in the face. fuck. you complain about how i 'hate you' or 'think youre stupid' well maybw treat me with an ounce of respect and act #like you understand the things youve EXPLICITLY BEEN TOLD. even a little.#but honestly it's too late. if she were to suddenly have a change of heart now i wouldnt give a damn.#the damage is done you dont get to have this part of me and act like youre such a good and supportive mother.#i cant even say i hate her. i love her but shes hurt me more than anyone else ever has and i can never trust her to actually love me or even #fucking see me or support anything about me that actually matters to me #i dont know. i dont know. thinking about it again.#ive thought abt telling my dad. not bc it wld do any good but bc ik he values honesty and maybe hed throw me a 'damn that sucks'#my sister said this is something i have to fight on but she doesnt get it. i have no ground to stand on as far as shes concerned

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orcelito · 2 years ago

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I'm almost 60 hours into tales of arise and I'm realizing that endgame is. Not that far away, honestly

How am I supposed to go through with this 😭😭😭😭😭 I don't want it to end

#speculation nation #i use fandom to cope with my fav things being over #but i cant do that if there's barely any fandom 😭😭😭😭#& yea i can always make things myself #and believe me im fuckin thinking about it #it's just like. i met Dohalim a *week* ago and it's been a blissful week #but it has to end at some point. and Soon if i keep up the pace ive had #60 hours in a week and a half god Damn #my brain chemistry has been permanently changed by this game and more specifically this character #i wanna explore many more maps of wildlands and jump off waterfalls to make my friends scream #genuinely. i might end up just doing a NG+ or smth bc there is still so much more i want to do #im level 44 now. those temple things are level 60 ish. past that... idk.#i wish there was more story through all the different areas. so i wouldnt just go through a place then be done with it.#i know it's a story of liberation. we're on a war path & we're taking it right to the heart.#but. but i want to see more of them all 😭 i miss them already and im not even done with them.#i need to not drop the game completely (as ive done b4 when not wanting a game to end...) but hfkshfjd #i still have a lot left to do for the training grounds too..... hfbjdhdkdbfkd #i want them to plop another 15 giant enemies down in front of me. PLEASE #ive already killed like 15 lol and i love how much stronger it makes me.#i looooooove big enemy hunting for Real #from what i know there are only 4 ish left. just bc they were too strong for me at the time.#& yea i was contemplating continuing my replay of xillia and xillia 2 but FUCK the environment of arise is just so so good #it's so BEAUTIFUL like everywhere you go. none of the other tales games compare tbh #and of course. dohalim. none of the other games have dohalim in them.#oh the grief of blazing through something way too fast 😭😭😭😭😭😭 i shouldve stopped to smell the roses...#i think im going to do that with my next game tho. which yea im like very much gonna play another game i think.#i cant just leave it at this. no way. not after only a WEEK #tho i'll chill it some on my replay lol. no need to blaze thru it the 2nd time. which hopefully will free my brain for other things #namely. writing lol. we'll see...

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6mayhem · 2 months ago

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but i would give anything for just one day spent in the life i had when i was 15. it may not have been perfect but i felt like i belonged somewhere. and i didn't worry so goddamn much about the big picture

#sighhh i miss when my biggest worry was my crush liking me back #i was such a typical teenager in hindsight bc of that #it seems a lifetime ago but it was only 4 years #2 years since we broke up thats crazy. everything changed i built my own life from nothing #im a completely different person #figuratively and literally though i will not use that to excuse my past actions haha #discord was like my whole damn world my center of the universe talking to my friends on there the highlight of my day #we had plans we had goals we had all thse big ideas and things we could do in our free time #now we go days without really talking to each other #in 2020 i said 3 more years and then we meet irl now 2023 is over and i am sure i will never see you. i wouldnt want to see you #i guess adulthood caught up to all of us. okay. most of us #i am just so sentimental #things had purpose back then and i wasnt this afraid #and i loved them #and i had someone who loved me #its fucked up how you dont even realize it wont last forever until its over #i wish it had ended differently. the whole friend group.#sometimes i wish we wouldve stayed friends. but thats just hopeful thinking because in my heart i know there is no way #were too different and theyre too committed to fucking up everything they have always #it makes me sad. makes me think they truly dont feel like they deserve happiness. i am kind of that way too #but i dont complain about losing the people i push away. so thats how were different lol #and i also dont suibait my mentally ill followers every other day because of some drama that only 15 year olds care about #so in that regard thank fuck i grew up. but also. thinking of them reminds me of simpler times #when this petty shit mattered to me. it really doesnt matter to me anymore and i cant get myself to care about anything that happens online #maybe its time for me to leave the internet behind for good. i dont know what its doing for me anymore.#i dont have anything im excited about on my laptop anymore lmao i have to desperately cling for straws for things i could do #to avoid sleep and being alone with my thoughts

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silverselfshippingchaos · 4 months ago

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it's a little past 1am, about an hour since the new f.eh update dropped.. my f.elix is already level 40 and I've gotten a good chunk of his forging bonds stuff!

f.elix, as always, is f.elix LMAAOO

#ash rambles 💚#i love him so much even after all these years #though i admit that sometimes i get a little insecure #he's always so.. intense. i love that about him it's what drew me to him. he wants to be the best and he's a damn good swordsman #sometimes i just wonder if he'd think I'm too soft and emotional. i also dont really have any big goals like he does #I'm like. the exact opposite of the kind of girl i think he'd want to be with..#ajdkahdjs sorry guys LMAO it's late #we've been together for like. 3+ years im pretty damn sure he doesnt hate me BAHAHAHAHA #but ahem. I'm so happy to see him again. he's so amazing and so handsome #many kisses for my f.elix!#heart-to-heart combat ⚔️

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our-inspire-verse · 5 months ago

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Me when it's time to just hang on and keep level and keep tryin

#i guesss #im always trying.i prommy #im just tired and traumatized and not well worded #all i wanna do is understand things so im quiet a lot then i start jabber jibbering the best i can with the information i take in #then my brain does like a damn whatsit called and shakes and erases the whole thing to start over #goldfish brain but heart of someone who cares more about more things than i should and doesn't ever know how to execute that care #and then it comes out as grief bc im always expressing it but it still ends up excessive and trapped and hurty. and i STILL get misunderstoo #d.#anyway.i say what i believe and never minimalize myself and never act in an unloving way if avoidable or unless deserved like #if its read as unloving come to me and I'll do my best to improve but like. i am always care more than i think people percieve me to #system babbles #vent #trying to be positive and shaking trembling nauceasu

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hecksupremechips · 6 months ago

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Never not thinking about the way ashton confesses his love to isabella like first off theyre at the bar it’s revealed isabella plans to try and go back to the mansion on her own to find a way to end the curse and ashton holds her hand and pleads for her not to do that because it’s highly dangerous and they all need to stick together. But then he sneaks off to break into the mansion on his own, literally right after telling isabella not to do that, but he thinks it’s okay if it’s him because he feels responsible for everything and that he has to always put on a brave face and carry his friends’ burdens and destroy himself to keep them safe and that his life isn’t as important so it’s not like it’ll matter if he ends up dying. And then he does almost die, is literally being strangled to death in the creepy attic and would be dead until isabella comes to save him. And shes pissed off. She absolutely fucks up johannes with a taser and a fucking rolling pin because no one hurts her friends and gets away with it. And then she slaps ashton right across his face and yells at him for being reckless and thinking he can just put himself in danger without telling anyone and for being a hypocrite and she makes it clear "you count too, you know. When I said I didn’t want to lose anyone else, that included you."

And that’s when it clicks. Ashton notes how unconditionally and wholeheartedly isabella loves, and it finally kicks in that oh. She loves him. She’s always loved him. And maybe he’s worth loving. He’s then literally so fucking giddy about his discovery that he’s got a big fat grin despite the fact he just nearly died, got slapped, AND got scolded pretty hard. And he takes isabella’s hand again and does what he’s always afraid to do: he apologizes. He’s sorry for always teasing her, and for being reckless, and he’s sorry for taking so long to apologize. "But for all those callous words, there’s nothing I don’t love about you. Those things...I love them. And everything. Everything that’s you."

It’s quiet, then isabella just fucking starts sobbing hysterically. And then ashton is like SHIT SHIT FUCK OH GOD IM SORRY DID I FUCK UP and she asks him why. Why the hell would he say something like that to her? She lists all these reasons, she doesn’t have anything at all she’s never had money and she only eats cheap instant noodles, she can’t do anything with someone helping her, and she was never able to become an artist even though she was so close. She genuinely doesn’t understand how someone like her could ever be seen as anything special, she’s been conditioned into believing that shit like that is for other people but it’ll never happen to her so she doesn’t even allow herself to consider it a possibility. And yet, AND YET

And ashton doesn’t hesitate one second, he looks right at her and says that all those things are still her and he loves everything about her. AND THEN THEY KISS AND HOLD EACH OTHER JUST FOR A MOMENT JUST LETTING THEMSELVES FORGET THE HORRORS BECAUSE THEY HAVE EACH OTHER AND THEY WALK OUT HOLDING HANDS

#the klock keeps ticking #the letter #yeah im having normal feelings about this like i always am #ive watched this scene soooo many fucking times and literally lose my shit tremendously every time #like damn for someone who cant use words for shit ashton sure can be dreamy when he wants to be #its just about the way they both love each other so much and would do anything for each other no matter what #and like when they say these things to each other you KNOW they mean it and thats what really gets me #like they will make sure the other knows how amazing they are and how loved they are #also i think its really funny how rebecca says that if ashton ever makes isabella cry she’ll beat him with a dictionary #and literally the first thing that happens after he confesses is isabella just starts sobbing #also no i cannot talk about the coma confession or the ashton breakdown scene or the shot through the heart scene #i will start sobbing so hard i get sick i am not kidding 😭#everything is literally happy forever i dont CARE if the curse never ends you simply cannot take this away from me

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seiwas · 9 months ago

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i think i ran out of tags

copy pasting this from tag format i'm sorry this is a mess !!! shgdfvhsa

#i looove all the details of intimacy!!! knowing his fave movies and the books on his shelf. finding out his favourite food.

#how he rubs lotion onto your hands :(( & it ties in with his comment earlier :(( and just !! How all the care feels like it shouldn’t belong with the two of your together but it does and it’s calming and comforting and :(( the healing!! your hands no longer cracking. what that means!!

#HE HOLDS UR HAND FOR THE SAKE OF HOLDING IT :((

#him choosing the colour of your eyes too :(( sdjhbfsj i looove the silent care they have for eachother. how not asking feels like that. how they protect eachother :(( im so sad 'i should have died that day i would have been more useful as legend' UUGH SO GOOD

#how he separates himself from it like a god oh thats so good that entire scene aches oh my god???? SO GOOD

#i love that beach scene i love the dialogue in this entire thing its just so raw and tender and SO MUCH in the unsaid

#the cogs in my brain are always turning when i read your stuff op and i love how there are a lot of things left to interpretation idk i have NO IDEA if how i'm reading it is correct but i love it bc it allows me to dig deep and try to figure that out!!

"you're so pretty, sometimes it makes me miserable" GODDDD how can he say that oh my GOD and and and how he tells you he'll do all the things you want to :(( 'i don't want my pieces i want yours' :(((

WAAAAH i love this so much. THAT ENDING!! GOSH. the way they see eachother :(( IM SAWBING this was so good thank you so much op, you're fantastic amazing wonderful everything!!!! as always!!!!!

ariadne's thread (3,839 words) Rating : Mature Gojo Satoru/Reader Tags : Fix-It, Jujutsu Kaisen Manga Spoilers, Major Manga Spoilers, Hurt/Comfort, Are You Gojo Satoru Because You're the Strongest, Or Are You the Strongest Because You're Gojo Satoru, Reader Has a Cursed Technique (Jujutsu Kaisen), Reader is JADED, Clingy Gojo Satoru, Mythology as a Motif, Vanilla Sex

Summary: He loses himself. He finds you, instead.

Read on AO3

#oh my god one of my fave gojo writers ever dhfbsad so good #pls read this #jjk #satoru #i loooove the read on gojo always; how op writes him with so much depth and character and just IT'S ALWAYS SO GOOD #everything feels so painfully accurate like gojo believing religion is more fallacy than faith. that opening paragraph:#i'm not a fan of ghost stories / too bad he is one <- UUUUGH I LOVE THAT #i also absolutely love the creativity put into the cursed technique of the reader it's so cool #there's also always this air abt op's fics that feel simultaneously comforting yet unsettling IDK HOW TO DESCRIBE IT it's like warm black #gojo showing up so persistently on reader's door is SUCH a him thing to do hsdfb + the dialogue?? AMAZING SBDFJ it's so in character #he's so insufferable i want to strangle him AHJSFB #i loooove the exploration of his cursed energy; how it trembles shifting in and out of reality sbdfjs #and that bit. 'i only have half a soul' / 'maybe i lost it a long time ago' HOW HE SAYS IT WITH A SHRUG wow. i love that.#gojo having a strange respect for time too. i love that little detail; and generosity being a habit left from his boy-prince upbringing #i love love love the way you write op because you're able to write in so many details about a character so intimately!!! but they all #contribute to the bigger picture; they all speak of history and how it plays into who they are now idkidk it's just. such a way with words #i think gojo withholds a lot of things and the more he talks about something the less it matters to him.#i love descriptions in this; how the healing sessions parallel to how he's feeling idkidkidk!!! i can't even describe it properly #GOJO SATORU PAIN IN MY ASS DAMN RIGHTBSDBFJA I LOVE THAT #omg. and just. gojo being his petty ass not contacting you for three weeks sdshj there is SOOOO much intensity within him GOD #everything about this is so so so interesting bc of the condition/state he was left in after the fight #and the consequences of that + when it gets too much it's soooo. wow. op your brain is >>>>#'You realize you’re not just a comfort for Gojo. You’ve been keeping him alive.' and the scene after oh my god #:(( take me with you next time :(( only if you pay me overtime :(( CLENCHING MY HEART RN #and he keeps you with him after. ooh my god. i loove that :( how the day just drags on and you never leave and it just repeats #op you are soooo good at writing scenes like this and i adore it so so much :(( the words and sentences are simple but they hit so much #i love that being with him kinda just happens and you grow comfortable to it and you have to touch him a lot bc of ur CT but #that becomes something natural too :(( and when hE RECIPROCATES AND EVERYTHING STARST ESCALATING OOOHH I AM #and that kiss omfghsbdg HE'S INSUFFERABLE I STG im gonna strangle him #what is the point of talent without enjoyment? <- wow

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arminsumi · 1 month ago

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tattoartist!suguru losing nonchalance when reader flirts with him?

im down bad for him holy hell

Oh, he's falling to pieces, got it bad for the girl he just met 'n he's gonna make a drunk little bet �� y'think he's crazy enough to get your name tattooed on him? Or crazy enough to ink his name into your skin?

ㅤ★ wc; ~3k

ㅤ★ note; continuation of tattoo artist Suguru Geto!

ㅤ★ an; aaa!! you got my brain whirring like a laptop... tysm and i hope this makes u blush and kick ur feet as much as i did while writing!! 🍰✨

ㅤ★ tagz; @ohimsummer 💗@fairiesthrum💗 @heartofjasmina 💗 @kwonan 💗 @ghost-buddies 💗 @madamecorbie 💗 @mima0127 💗 @moggleatlife 💗 @natasaa13 💗 @yemmuishomeforthementallyunwell 💗 @wakashudou 💗 @khaothick 💗 @candy-s72 💗 @creamflix 💗 @starriesworlds

ㅤ★ warnings; sum alcohol/drunkenness

“So, was she joking, or am I your type?” Suguru asks, black eyes staring right into your soul.

“Mm, well…” you hum, giving his form a look-over – god, if only you could feel how hard his heart’s beating when you do this. “Maybe.” You reply teasingly.

“Aw, just ‘maybe’?” he groans, now leaning his hip against the edge of the display case that housed the studs and gauge earrings.

“Yeah, just ‘maybe’ – I’m teasing. No, she wasn’t joking; I’ve always had a thing for the black hair, black nails, bad boy look…”

“The ‘bad boy’ look…?” he questions, recalling what your friend had said earlier about bad boys being just your type.

“Yeah, the ‘bad boy’ look.” You giggle.

His heart beats even harder, muttering a naughty little “Well, lucky me.”

“Nah, not so fast – I’m a smart woman.” You warn.

“Oh, are you?” he clicks his tongue in defeat, “Damn, would you believe that my type is smart women? No, no I’m serious… I’ve got a thing for smart women.”

Your cheeks grow hot, the heat spreading to your ears.

“I can assure you that the ‘bad boy’ look is just an aesthetic; I’m really an artsy dork making a living off doodling on people’s bodies.” He shrugs.

“Hm… maybe, maybe not.”

You rub your lips together. He briefly licks his bottom lip. You look him up and down. He looks you up and down. Body language open and alive with attraction, the both of you stand in this air of electric tension that Shoko spies from the other end of the room.

She watches as the two of you giggle like little flirts, observing how totally absorbed the two of you are in each other’s company. When you catch her eye, Shoko gives you a wink and points at her wrist, mouthing “five more” – fair enough, the two of you have promised to get pizza.

Pizza first, boys later, right?

Five minutes more go by – adding to the total of four hours spent at the tattoo & piercing parlor. But despite her discomfort and need for a change of scenery, Shoko decides to linger around just a little longer so that the two of you can indulge in each other just a little more.

But now you're getting nervous – Suguru has you breathless, holding you in a battle of who can flirt harder? which you're starting to lose.

He's captivated by you. This 6’3, tattooed, goth-grunge, slightly dorky man chuckles and smiles like he hasn’t had this much fun talking flirting with someone in years.

It's going well, then your smile trips him up. I know, it’s always the smile, huh? If you see enough of it, you slip… and that’s exactly what's happened to Suguru. He quickly grows obsessed with the way your cheeks look when you smile – the image burns into his memory without him even realizing it in the moment.

No, in the moment he doesn't realize the magnitude of your effect on him. He's just thinking about himself, about you, about —

“I’ve gotta go,” you say goodbye finally, “I don’t want to keep my friend waiting. But you’ll probably see my face here again… she loves dragging me along for these kinds of things.”

He stutters, “Oh! Oh… yeah – yes. Of course. Looking forward to it… maybe next time, you’ll be the one getting ink in your skin.”

“Yeah right.” You smile.

It’s your French exit that makes his heart throb in need.

No, don’t leave yet… I like you – don’t you ever wonder how many acquaintances in your life have thought this when leaving your company? And you’ll never even know.

Oh, Suguru was thinking so hard about asking you to exchange numbers or to meet up for coffee, but he didn’t want to come off as too forward – no, no… he had to maintain his mysteriousness. Or at least, he had to cling to whatever was left of it after revealing his inner dorkiness to you.

*****

After you leave, he wanders in and out of his studio, has small interactions with his co-workers, and doodles ideas for tattoos down.

Throughout all of these things, your face is at the forefront of his mind. Your voice echoes in his head as he recalls every detail of the conversation you two shared. Then he starts smiling softly as he applauds himself for being so gutsily flirty with you… a stranger, just someone, who he probably won’t see again…

A girl with no name.

God, why was he so slow? He didn’t even ask for your name. Suguru groans.

Yes, he probably won’t see you again… not unless your friend brings you along for her next visit. How long does he have to wait? Weeks? Months? That’s insane.

Suguru stops doodling, stares at the scrap of paper, and then looks up at the wall displaying his works. He rubs his fingers back and forth across his mouth.

I gotta.

He looks over to his phone. He reaches for it, takes it into his veiny hand, unlocks it, and scrolls through his list of contacts.

And then he dials his client’s number. Shoko Ieri.

*****

Now, it’s been just under an hour since you and Shoko left the tattoo parlour. She’s complained three times about the pain because exactly three times she has leaned back on the seat – squishing the fresh ink wound against her chair. You just cruelly laugh at how her eyes twitch in pain and each time.

The two of you sit eating pizza.

“He liked you. Why don’t we go back and you ask him for his number?” she teases.

“No way… he’ll think I’m too forward.” You shake your head.

Then three minutes later, Shoko's phone goes off. She reaches into her backpack. She looks at the caller ID, then at you, then at the caller ID, then –

“… is that him?”

“It’s him.”

“What’s he calling for! Me?”

“Absolutely he’s calling for you – I can bet gold on that.”

It stops ringing. She tells you she’ll text him back but guess what? She doesn’t even need to, because he calls again.

“Relentless.” She giggles. “I’m answering.”

“Pretend I’m not here!”

She winks at you and answers, “Hey, Suguru, what’s up?”

The two of you lean in until your foreheads press together – it’s still hard to make out every word.

“Yo.” You hear his smooth voice coming from the other side, “Sorry to bother you… (muffled)… your friend (muffled)… so embarrassed, so don’t tell her that I’m calling… (muffled)… what was her name?”

You clap your hand over your mouth when you hear those snippets.

She gives you a devious look before saying, “Oh! Well, she’s right here with me, actually, so you can ask her yourself.”

Mouth full of pizza, you freak out and X your arms to signal a fat NO WAY SHOKO! and fall to pieces all with the taste of pepperoni on your tongue.

But she just hands the phone over to you anyways, then proceeds to silently laugh as you spit out your pizza before talking.

“Hehlooo?”

“H-hey.”

You get right to the point. “My name’s Yn…”

“Oh… I like that… I’m Suguru.”

“What was that? I couldn’t hear you.”

“Suguru. Suguru Geto.” He raises his voice.

Cheek hot against the screen of his phone, Suguru is silently freaking out at the tense silence. He can feel his stomach starting to flip. His mind blanks.

“Anyways! Um, that’s all.”

No. That’s not all. He has a novel’s length worth of things to talk about with you.

At this point, Shoko rolls her eyes at the two of you being so awkward on the phone and decides that she needs to take matters into her own hands.

So she snatches the phone from you.

“ – Suguru? Say, you wouldn’t be free on Saturday, would ya? Yeah, I’m going on a date with this guy… and I’d love to make it a double date with you and Yn if you’d like to –”

You hear him stutter out a yes, absolutely before Shoko can even finish her sentence. She grins.

Suguru can sense that the two of you are smiling and giggling. He can predict that the two of you are probably going to gossip about him being the 'dork from the tattoo parlor that called not once, but twice for the name of a girl he just met' – but he doesn’t care. He’s been presented an opportunity and taken it.

To hell with seeming too eager.

When the call ends, Suguru blows out a breath through his lips. Then he promptly texts his best friend. Dark strands of hair slip out of his sloppy bun as he puts his face over the screen, thumbs swift and eager.

Toru 🤞😜 lol bravo... but i thought u said she was out of ur league??

Sugu i mean... yes. she's way too pretty and smart for me. but i'm not gonna pass up this opportunity

Toru 🤞😜 still can't believe u called ur client just to get her friend’s name... lol

Sugu you would understand if you met her ok

Toru 🤞😜 damn she must be something else

Yes, yes you are something else — Suguru can’t even begin to describe why. Translating his thoughts into words isn’t his thing; he translates them into art.

****

It's later in the day. You're lazing around Shoko's apartment.

She confirms the time and place of the double date, and cackles on her couch while kicking her feet, teasing you for being so crazy about a guy you just met – her tattoo artist.

You just couldn’t stop talking about Geto Suguru.

“Shiiit, should I even let you and a bad boy like him be alone in a room together?”

“I can control myself.” you assure her.

She slowly shakes her head at you.

“Yeah right… but can he? I don't trust neither of you... miss crazy and mister crazy... you might just wake up with his name in your skin.”

You giggle to yourself, biting your thumb. “Maybe…”

“Oh girl…” she groans, causing you to giggle into yourself, “You’re gonna be licking the tail of his dragon tattoo by the end of the date tomorrow.”

“H-h-he has a what? And where?” you stuttered, lashes quivering.

She shakes her head at you. “God, you’re screwed…”

*****

It's Saturday night. The bar's more alive than ever.

You've learned that Geto Suguru does, in fact, have a dragon tattoo inked up his toned arm – and a tight-fitting black tank top that shows it off along with his martial artist’s physique, too.

He’s got a glint of the devil in his black eyes. Softly-delivered dirty jokes ready to roll off his pierced tongue. A habit of tilting his head and looking hungrily at your lips and neck.

“Martial arts, huh?” you ask with stars in your eyes.

“Mhm, I could teach you a few things.” He purrs in reply.

Your stomach starts squeezing and flipping – that’s got to be the flirtiest 'mhm' that you’ve ever heard in your whole life.

“You think so?” you purr back.

Now it’s his turn to feel that squeezy, flippy feeling in his stomach.

Fuckfuckfuck is all he could think when he looks into your eyes.

I’m gonna fall to pieces. You’re gonna be the death of me.

“Uh… do you two need some privacy?” Shoko teases.

Oh. It’s a double date. How could you forget? Shoko is literally sitting beside you at the bar with her date. But for a second there, it really felt like it was just you 'n this deliciously tattooed bad boy.

“Maybe.” Suguru chuckles coyly.

“There’s a hotel just next door…”

“Shoko!” you scold, playfully shoving her arm.

She giggles into herself, sipping down her cocktail innocently as if she didn’t just electrify the air between you and Suguru. His throat’s tensing, foot’s tapping up and down on the bar stool – boy’s got long spider-legs, huh?

Now after that, Suguru grins wider – showing off his pretty canines – his posture assuming something self-soothing; he holds his elbows, arms squished against his ribcage, which just makes his biceps more pronounced. Oh why, why did he have to wear a tank top like that? Surely he’s aware of the effect it has on girls. Or maybe he’s oblivious…

Nah. He's not.

*****

“Did it hurt?” you ask, trying to blink out the tipsiness from your love-drunk eyes but you’ve got three cosmopolitans surging through your veins.

“Not really… I’ve got great pain tolerance.” Suguru replies.

“Oh really?” you blink up at him again and his mind goes blank.

“Look at that...” He murmurs softly, not breaking eye contact with you. Where’s your friend and her date? Who knows. It’s just you and him now – and that’s all he wanted.

“Hm?”

“Not every day I see eyes like that…”

You widen your lips into a smile, “You’re laying it on thick.”

“Am I? Sorry – see, this is what happens after you feed Suguru too much rum. I just can’t keep my mouth shut.”

“That’s terrible… need someone to shut ya up?” you flirt.

He tilts his head at you, loose strands of hair shifting across his cheek. His left brow quirks up – he’s so taken aback by your forwardness but he falls right into it.

You just giggle flirtatiously after making that comment and pull the straw of your drink between your lips, sucking the remnants of a cosmopolitan into your mouth as sensually as you dare to in front of a bad boy who’s got bedroom eyes on you.

“I think I could do with some shutting up…” he admits.

“Mm,” you hum, “y’think by our third date you’re gonna snap and kiss me hard like we’re in a movie?”

Suguru smiles bashfully and looks down into his drink, swirling the melting ice cubes with a straw – slowly, round and round, they clink. Then he draws his gaze back to you, catching you with a sultry side-eye, and now it’s not just the ice cubes that are melting.

“Nah-uh…”

“Nah-uh?” you question.

“… I think it’s you who’s gonna snap first.” He says.

“Wanna bet?” you tease.

“Sure. What’ll be at stake?” he asks.

He keeps his sultry gaze on you as you look off to the side in thought for a moment. Your friend’s joke echoes in your mind.

“… you might just wake up with his name in your skin.”

Then you look back to him – his heart throbs but he’s trying to keep it together here, pulling his straw to his lips to get a sip of whatever rum still exists in his glass.

“Loser gets a regrettable tattoo?” you suggest.

He looks at you with a little bit of disbelief at your boldness.

“How regrettable?” he questions, one eye squinting shut in suspicion. He's wondering just how wild you actually are.

“Like my name on you? Or vice versa.”

He covers his mouth and lets out a chuckle hearing this. “You want me to tattoo my name on ya skin?” he teases. “Sure, I’ll bet on that.”

You can’t believe that he’s matching your crazy.

You stutter, replying only after a lingering moment of hot eye contact, “… there’s no way I’m gonna snap first…” you say boldly, proceeding to pop the cherry of your drink into your mouth and eating it right in front of the poor boy’s eyes. “ ‘m gonna have you walkin’ around with my name on you.”

Eyes glued on your lips, his breath catches in his throat.

“Yeah?”

Ooh, there it was. That feeling. That body singing electric songs feeling… that tummy-tightening, blood-rushing, skin-flushing feeling – it hit him all at once. He knows that if he were standing, his knees would have buckled now for sure, or at least he would have felt the tremor of your words under his feet.

He’s unsteady – smiling uncontrollably, looking dishevelled and softly drunk. Those rouge lips are begging to be kissed.

The bar grows quieter and quieter.

You’re hardly able to call each other anything more than strangers, and yet you’re leaning into him, closing the distance.

The tips of your noses are just inches apart now. You’re in each other’s air. He eyes out your lips, feels your hot, liquor-scented breath tickle his face.

But when you try and close the distance, he raises his hand and presses his thumb against your soft lips, stopping you.

“What happened to that bold statement, huh? Keep it together, baby; the bet’s on.” He feathers against your face.

*****

Tumbling into Shoko’s apartment after a night out drinking, you smile and giggle into the pillows of her bed.

She’s letting her hair down and swapping out her tight dress for jammies when she looks at you in your gleeful state.

“Someone’s in love.” She teases, coming over to tickle you.

“I’m not in love!”

“Oh, quit the act; I saw how the two of you said goodbye – you could barely hold yourself together. Drunk or not, I ain’t seen two adults giggling like that before.”

“Sh!” you swat her, “Not! In! Love!”

She takes a look into your eyes and observes your smile, then shakes her head. You're drowsy, so you make a dive into her bed and fall asleep almost instantly.

Shoko pulls a blanket over you, affectionately ruffling your hair.

“Madly in love, at the very least.”

#suguru #suguru geto #suguru x reader #suguru geto x reader #geto x reader #x reader #geto suguru x reader #geto suguru #jjk #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x you #geto suguru x you #geto x you #suguru x you

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