#im alive because of my thoughts

[hello-puppy]

if im understanding:: a lot of people frame recovery as completely stopping and moving away from all your ""negative"" habits and rituals. for a lot of us, these habits and rituals were made to protect us. they're also illusory. by destroying yourself and ""destroying"" others, you're not actually protecting yourself, nor being "on top of things" like we like to think we are.

but, for us, recovery shouldn't be "stop not trusting people, stop feeling insecure, stop antagonizing others" etc etc. but i think it should be framed in a way that recognizes our survival skills, not negates them.

maybe its framed as "your survival skills are necessary in a dog eat dog world, but hone them. don't disregard your own experiences, because how you lived as a child/teen/adult kept you alive to this day. and thats wonderful. you knew what you had to do, even if it was horrible, even if it was terrifying, even if you were scared, you stuck it out. and everyone in the world is NOT like your caregivers/abusers who made you this way. so hone your survival skills. learn who makes you feel slightly less scared, and lean into it. learn who triggers you, and definitely avoid those. and lean into the feeling of newfound safety when you're able to readjust to having real, freedom-based control. "

I feel like in many ways the way that recovery from destructive mental illness is framed sounds like…a prison. Even aside from the literal kinds.

Like we talk about how depression or an eating disorder or addiction or whatever have, like, this vortex effect that pulls you in, succumbing to which may be the result of not fighting hard enough and taking the easy/safe/comfortable route, taking for granted that the pull is illusory and there's nothing about it anyone should actually find desirable.

But at the same time the way recovery is described is like living with a cop in your head. Permanently vigilant for if you're doing the Correct and Healthy™ thing or if you might be heading down some dark road for the n'th time. Potentially never ever again really being able to let yourself go.

But if you do go down the dark road. Then it doesn't matter anymore right? You can totally let go and do whatever you want and fully indulge some parts of yourself. How tantalising! To destroy with reckless abandon. To not be self-monitoring. To be free. It honestly feels good in a certain way!

And like obviously it's also bad like everyone already knows that. But not acknowledging the ways it's also got some genuinely desirable aspects (beyond "comfortable") is not the best way to actually prevent those bad things, I think. There's gotta be a better way to understand recovery than shutting down the BadWrong.

[mohntilyet]

they hated illario because he was a d1 yapper who was bad at assassinating people and was so annoyingly drunk and grief stricken at his cousin’s wake that viago had to drug him to shut him up (so what if he was also the guy who set his cousin up to die/disappear) . and also for working with the venatori and selling out the antivan crows i guess.

[kakooshi]

My Hero Academia is ending in 5 chapters so that there will be a sequel where Bakudeku are married and they start a hero agency with Shouto as their sexy secretary. And they all fall in love while trying to navigate post-war society and make it a better one for both heroes and villains. It's true, HORI TOLD ME.

[blueskittlesart]

How do you feel about concepts for redeemed/good guy Ganondorf? I don't remember if you've said anything on it before, so I am curious to see what sorts of thoughts you have to share or if you've thought about the idea before (especially since you've worked on SoF so I assume you've thought about many possibilities of a "what if" Zelda game)

For my part: I have mixed feelings, and I think a lot of concepts end up being "I want a buff guy to ship Link with"; I also think a lot of criticisms of the racism in many depictions of Ganondorf have merit (though I don't speak on them in depth because I'm white) and would love to see a more favorable/complex portrayal of him and other characters of color in LoZ. I personally haven't seen many versions of good guy/redeemed Ganondorf that really engage with the base structure of the LoZ games but I would love to see one that did.

Anyways I love your blog and analysis and I love seeing someone who finds analysis as inherently a part of their engagement with fandom as me, it's really nice :) I hope you're having a good day

I never posted about it much but sof did actually have a somewhat redeemed ganondorf, or as close to "good guy" as i'm willing to go with him in my own writing. sof was/is very much about me exploring the religious aspects of the lore and issues of fate vs self-determination, so my ganondorf was a much younger version of the character (similar in age to link and zelda) born into an extremist hylia-worshipping doomsday cult. in sof, ganondorf finds the remains of DEMISE'S sword and believes it to be the master sword, so when it starts ordering him around he follows the orders without question, believing that he's hearing the voice of hylia, and basically everyone in his life affirms to him that this is the correct choice and he's hylia's chosen one. Because of the intensity of the religious doctrine he was raised with, he has no problem following the sword's orders even when they become progressively more and more violent, and by the time link and zelda get to him he's nearly past the point of no return. (this is also partially a product of the setting I chose to put sof in--it's one of if not the first cycles after sksw, so the hyruleans' understanding of the reincarnation cycle and their own general history isn't super solid.) So that's my personal take on a "good guy" ganondorf, and, i think, the way i'd like to see it done in canon if ever they choose to go that route--because loz deals so much with the concepts of fate and cycles, I think leaning into a ganondorf who isn't inherently evil but can't escape the fate that waits for him is a fun way to take it.

[thenamessparkplug]

its me.... the one the cishets warned you about.... THE MAN AND THE WOMAN IN THE RELATIONSHIP

[biblicalhorror]

Okayyyyy yeah also let's talk about Tammy. I didn't know how I felt about her for awhile because she did very much feel like the Disposable Black Girlfriend, but I'm seeing people saying she's an "abuser" or God forbid "just as bad as Kevin" and that's just. Not at all true.

Yes, Tammy is controlling. She doesn't seem to really like Patty for who she is, and kind of seems to want to change her into someone else instead. HOWEVER, I think we need to look at the whole character to understand WHY she's like that. I don't think she's controlling Patty for personal gain or for the sake of manipulating her. I think she's lonely and desperate for companionship, which leads to her ignoring/pushing past the obvious incompatibility in her relationship with Patty.

Here's what we know about Tammy:

1. She seems to be the only black person in the Worcester social circle. She also mentions frequently how she's surrounded entirely by white men at work.

2. She is also the only openly lgbt person in the area, other than Patty, who is still not exactly out and proud.

3. She describes her entire job as "making excuses for" and "cleaning up after" the men at her job, particularly her partner (whose name I am unfortunately forgetting, does anyone remember?), who even had her plant evidence for him on at least one occasion.

4. Despite being very competent and good at her job, the white men around her keep failing upwards (she mentions a few times that people beneath her keep getting promoted) while she remains stagnant in her career. There doesn't seem to be any explanation for this other than the fact that she is a black lesbian in an extremely white, conservative community.

Basically, Tammy seems like someone who has been taught (like many black women) that she will have to work much harder than everyone else to get ahead in any capacity. She is also likely very, very lonely. She doesn't seem to have any friends outside of work, which isn't surprising given the above. It seems like she doesn't exactly have a ton of prospects, dating-wise, other than Patty. In my opinion, it's really no wonder that she clung to Patty so desperately and immediately and tried to forcibly mold her into someone who could be compatible. She's tough, smart, organized, direct, manipulative, no-nonsense and controlling because, well, she had to be. And she ends up trying to "rein in" Patty because, in her mind, what's the other option? She ends up alone, surrounded by men who force her to cover for their antics and don't care if she lives or dies.

I'm not saying her behavior is healthy. But it comes from an entirely different place than Kevin's abuse, or Chuck's, or even Neil's. And it's also not uncommon. In real life, I know many queer women (specifically small-town lesbians) who end up in relationship dynamics just like that over and over again because they start dating someone who doesn't quite fit, and they compensate for it by trying to force a connection instead of accepting loneliness and isolation. I have a lot of sympathy for Tammy. And I wish the show had taken more care to establish the abuse she faced from her coworkers off-camera.

[frootbyethefoot]

trophy hunting

[ID: a digital drawing of maki harukawa from danganronpa v3: killing harmony. maki is standing dead center, with a blank, almost thousand yard stare, and a neutral expression. she is holding a black and white checkered piece of fabric, with a splash of bright pink blood on it.

behind her are three panels. the first panel, towards the left shows a crossbow, the strike-9 poison bottle, the antidote covered in blood, and a bloody handprint. all of the panels are in greyscale, except for the bright pink blood. the second panel, in the middle, shows kokichi oumas clothing with blood running down the back. the final panel shows kaito momotas jacket, with blood running down the sleeve. END ID/]

[sashthesloth]

I'm going to rotate them in my mind.. the angst potential for my poor poor Rook . .... .

[smrtnik07]

conversation in a server inspired me.... angie in outfits worn by my local librarian + angie in worldwide hatsune miku trend. shes a serb now

[puppyeared]

Space girl

[huellitaa]

feeling so grateful for everything tonight thank you so much universe thank you so much world thank you so much friends thank you so much everyone i love you

[solivagantingrebel]

hey guys who wants another round of tmi

[kirkwallguy]

They sanitized being queer so much in Veilguard and for what. Your Inquisitor still needs to be binary, and god forbid if they transitioned between games. And for what, Cullen and Solas? Girl, dump him and take his gender. It won't fix you but it'll make shit funnier.

IF more than one romance actually mattered id understand it being too complicated to allow for transition, but seriously? only solas gets more than a codex entry afaik, how hard it would have been to have the m inquisitors record voice lines and have gareth david lloyd record alternate versions of like..any gendered lines which i assume there aren't many of. they should have dropped the illusion that romances had content and just done a 'did you romance solas?' toggle that any inquisitor could turn on lol

[ashmp3]

unfortunately i think my divine punishment is to never feel happy confident pretty and normal

[gxlden-angels]

On today's episode of Holy Shit My Childhood Was Not Normal:

Kurtis Conner being thrown off by the girls'/boys' bibles with the random "Dream Girl" and "Grossology" passages and shit like that in them

[douglasfeiffel]

i am really enjoying impact winter but yet I find myself wondering the same thing I wonder when consuming most vampire media: if the vampires can control how much they drink from someone, why don't they? It's hard to see the vampires we're supposed to see as good people as good people when they're murdering non-vampires left and right when they could. according to the story itself. just not do that