#im SO excited yall ive been waiting for YEARS & now im finally gonna have my plans for my left ear finished hopefully within a week or two

[theygender]

I'm now OFFICIALLY permanent at my new data analysis job which in addition to being super cool bc I get to autistically play around in Excel for money now ALSO means that I can get my next piercings since I no longer have to wear a headset for ten hours a day and I am vibrating in excitement. I can finally get more holes stabbed into me

[technowoah]

if you're taking asks for the prompts, can you do 11 and 17 from the angst list with george but have a fluffy ending? she/her pronouns pls

I Can Make It Right

SHSJS I HAVE SO MUCH ANGST IN MY INBOX YALL!

Thanks for the request babe! The way it came out was gender neutral i dont think I user she/her, but it still works trust me!

George x reader imagine (established)

11) "It's not important apparently"

17) "You already made me feel like shit so might as well finish me off"

⚠︎ angst with happy ending, unresolved issue but they're gonna fix it dont worry 😌, angry George, swearing

*** = flashback

Masterlist

You had stood infront of your bathroom mirror finishing up your makeup for the night. Your hair was already done and you had a nice outfit on, not to fancy and not too comfortable. While listening to a playlist George had made for you, you had put down the brushes you were using. It didnt really matter if you cleaned up your makeup that was littered all over the sink right now, but right now you were feeling good.

Today was your and George's 3rd year anniversary and you couldn't be happier about it. Today you two were going to dinner and doing something else which was supposed to be a surprise for you. It was a night on the town.

George and you met 4 years ago actually. You two started out as acquaintances, the slowly grew into friends and then one day he asked you to join him to dinner. At first you were oblivious to his actions, thinking he was just being a good friend, but turns out the more dates you two went on the more you caught on. He officially asked you to be his girlfriend 3 years ago today.

His friends keep on pressuring George to propose already, they think it's been long enough. The only thing close to marriage is a promise ring. He put the ring on your finger as a promise that one day he would marry you, everytime you doubt that he will propose you turn your attention to the cute ring on your finger.

You had turned off the bedroom lights and sat on your bed finally relaxing after struggling to find a decent enough outfit for tonight. George said that he was going to pick you up around 6:00 and now it is 5:47 so you had some time to spare.

You had found yourself scrolling through tiktok because you had nothing else better to do at this moment. It was a guilty pleasure of yours even though you and george both joked around about hating tiktok.

Time began to tick away so you had checked the clock on your phone which said 5:57 pm. You had grabbed shoes that you set up against your bed, slipped them on and grabbed all of your belongings for the night. You stationed yourself in the living room waiting till George came to the door.

Nervousness always came up before a date, it was the anticipation actually. You were excited and nervous about the date as you always were, but today for you was special. It was three years worth of beautiful love. You remembered the time he first said I love you too, it was just like it was yesterday.

***

"Hey y/n." George looked towards you. You both were sitting on a plaid, plush blanket with a brown woven basket ontop in between you two. It was just like the movies and that why you cringed because of how cheesy it was when George led you to it.

It was sweet, it was extremely sweet and you loved these dates that George always brung you too. You always felt special when you are sitting next to him.

You responded to George. "Yeah Gogy?" You laughed at the use of his nickname.

"Im trying to be serious right now and you call me Gogy." George smiled and shook his head. "Anyways, you know I love you, right?"

"Of course I do-"

"No I love you. I mean. I'm in love with you." George reached to rest his hand ontop of yours and repeated himself. "I'm in live with you y/n."

You wasted no time answering. "Im in love with you too."

***

6:03

George didnt show up yet, but there was no sweat. He was only 3 minutes late, maybe he ran into traffick. Your stomach was rumbling, but you didnt want to eat yet since you two we're planning to go to dinner. Patience is key, and it wasnt like he wasn't late before.

6:10

You started to get worried, it's been 10 minutes and still no sign of your boyfriend. You had gotton up several times to check outside of your door only to be met with no one. Your mind was jumping to conclusions about if he forgot your anniversary, but you shut those thoughts out for the time being.

6:19

Okay this is getting out of hand. You brung out our phone and began to text George, you couldn't believe that you had waited this long before texting the man.

Where are you? Ive been waiting for 29 minutes?!

[Sent: 6:20pm]

George what are you doing?

[Sent: 6:20pm]

You awaited his text message with your phone faced up on the coffee table infront of you. You didn't want to believe that George woukd forget, or overslept, but that was becoming truth the more minutes passed by with no call or text.

6:30

Calling him was useless, because he didn't answer. He didn't hang up on you he just wasn't picking up the phone, like he turned it off. You started to get worried if something happened to him, if he was in a situation where he couldn't call or text you. You wondered if he was safe at home and not out in the middle of the street.

In a flash all your worries subsided when your phone lit up with a notification.

ThisIsNotGeorgeNotFound is live:

Im Playing golf with my friends

That son of a bitch. Pissed off was an understatement, you were fuming. How could he end up streaming at home when you had constantly reminded him about this day, he knew damn well about this day too. How could he?

You ended up grabbing a jacket and your purse and ended up driving to George's place. It seemed like he was mocking you in a way, he knew you had notifications on for Twitch. You loved to support him and his career, but this was making a fool out of yourself.

Your hand tightly gripped the steering wheel as you tried not to run every red light you cane across. You finally came across George's home, you found a place to park and quickly got out of your car and sped walked your way to George's residence. Finally making up to George's door you knocked harshly on the door probably making more noise than what you intended too. You continuously banged on his door until you got fed up.

Remembering that George had given you a key to his house you dig through your purse to get your set of keys out anr unlock his door. You stomped inside his house and closed the door behind you.

"GEORGE! GEORGE!" You yelled through the house. You were being reckless and annoying, but you didnt care at this point you were fuming and needed to tell George how you feel.

You had made your way to George's recording room where he was talking to his friends on discord. George looked towards you in shock clearly not hearing the sounds you were making throughout his house.

"Y/N?!" George yelled and muted his microphone.

"What the hell are you doing?" You exclaimed back.

"Im streaming thats what Im doing!" George sassed back at you, not paying attention to his screen and the chat.

"Dont get smart with me. End the stream."

"What?! No!"

"You heard me, we need to talk." You crossed your arms across your chest. Your heart was beating too fast for your liking and you tried to calm yourself down, but George's comments were getting to you.

George was about to unmute himself and get back to the game. "No we dont-"

"GEORGE END THE FUCKING STREAM! This is embarrassing! Talk to me cause you have some explaining to do." You snapped at him.

A silence tell upon you two and he glared at you before turning to his stream and closing it out.

"Okay guys! Go watch the other boys streams I need to go now! Bye!" George quickly ended and turned off everything.

He turned around to you still sitting in his chair. "What? What do you want?"

"Do you know what today is?" You asked.

"April 30th." George answered bluntly.

"Thats all you have to say?" You asked in shock. "It's our anniversary dickhead!"

"I fucking know that." George said.

"You do? So why did you start streaming and we had dinner plans?!"

"I told you we were streaming! You weren't listening to me!" George stood up from his chair when he said that.

"When the fuck did you tell me this?!"

"A couple days ago! You didn't listen!"

"But you knew that was our anniversary! And we made dinnerr plans-"

George yelled over you. "A month ago! We made those plans a month ago so excuse me for forgetting!"

"So all these other years you remembered our anniversary and went out of your fucking way to cancel other plans around that date, but today you didnt because why?!" Tears were threatening to fall down you cheeks, but you wouldnt let him see you like that.

"Because I planned this already with the boys! And AGAIN you werent listening to me when I said that-"

"There were several other times that you could've told me too! But you didn't!" You sniffed trying to keep the frustrated tears inside.

"I already planned this and I cant go back on my promise-"

"But you can with me?!" You yelled and George stopped talking. He's just studying your face at this point and you hated this silence.

"Its not important apparently." You said while walking out of the recording room.

"You're being a bitch." He mumbled.

"Excuse me?! That is so disrespectful!" You spun around yelled at him.

"You already made me feel like shit so might as well finish me off." George said in a annoying tone.

"Yeah you should feel like shit! I feel like shit too so-!" You threw your hands up in exasperation and stormed out the room. You had made it to the door before George called out to you again.

"Y/n! Y/n! Please!"

"No! Just..." You paused before opening the door and ushering your way out. "Call me when you get your shit together.

You were currently curled up on your couch eating leftovers that you had in the refrigerator. That had satisfied your hunger for the night because the dinner was canceled that night. Your anger and sadness had subsided and you were only left with an unusual feeling in your heart. Your relationship felt incomplete, this fight felt incomplete. You didnt break up with him, but you were waiting for closure.

The TV was the only light in the room. It illuminated what it wanted to, you didnt care if it was too dark. Usually you would be cuddled up with George at this ungoldy hour, but you weren't and that made you tear up.

Your sadness was still there, your anger towards George turned into pity. You were sad about the actions he took, but somewhere in your heart you could forgive him. You could forgive and move on if he would come to you.

Speaking of, you had a knock on your door. You didn't have the strength to get up, but you did. Shuffling your way to the door you sluggishly opened it to find George standing there with his hands in his hoodie. The person you wanted to see, but at the same time you wanted to slam that door in his face.

"Hey." George spoke and you gave him a small smile, nothing more.

You turned around to find your seat back on the couch where you were comfortable, but also giving him a silent invitation to come inside. You had sat down on the couch not paying attention to George, but you knew he closed the door, took off his shoes by yours, and put his keys on the table by the door like he always did. It was like a routine to him.

George ended up awkwardly standing beside the couch as you ignored him.

"You know, if you didnt open the door I would've used my keys like you did." George tried to spark up a conversation, but you only hummed in response. You were scared that if you spoke, you would cry.

George ended up making his way to the couch sitting beside you and pulling you into his embrace. Your head was on his chest and you began to sob. You missed this it's only been a few hours, but you had felt that in those few hours you had lost everything. You continued to sob into his hoodie as he rubbed your back and shushed you, whispering sweet nothings into the air only for you to hear.

"Im here, and Im sorry. Im so fucking sorry that I did this to you and I only hope that you can forgive me." George said, his voice cracking a little when he said that. You kept crying.

That's what you wanted to hear all along, that's what you needed. You could forgive him in due time, you always will because you love him, you will always love him. You both can always make it right.

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

and then i sent you another one but stupid tumblr made me forget😡 but i got another idea, chris wanting to be your boyfriend so bad that one day he simply calls you baby or something intimate that he hasn’t called you before and he’s like shit, maybe you are with his family and everybody is like 🤭💕

Chris couldnt help but stare across the backyard where you were helping Lisa set up the table, the sundress you picked for the bbq was really cute, and he couldnt help himself from staring as you laughed hard at something his mother said, nodding at her words while you put down the bowl of potato salad. Scott didnt miss it however and he lifted the grills cover to flip the chicken sizzling on the grate. 

“So when are you just gonna ask Y/N out man?” Scott asked so bluntely that Chris sputtered taking a swallow of his beer, his ears turning bright red. 

“I dont know what your talking about Scott.” Chris tries to cover for himself, and doing a piss poor job at it as Scott smirks, lowering the grill cover again. 

“You know, your a bad liar. Always has been. Only person you could ever fool was mom.” Scott states while taking his own beer. “Even Carly and Shanna know you have feelings for Y/N.” 

You have been friends with Carly for years, so you and Chris both grew up together. He had developed a crush on you many years ago, but never acted on it. And now, it was still strong as ever. You just made him feel... special in the most normal of ways. You never treated him any different cause of his success, no. You saw him for just who he was. He couldnt help but develop feelings for you. 

“Shes just Carlys friend Scott, our friend.” Chris blatantly lied again and Scott gave an eye roll, finally pulling off the bbq chicken. “Right, whatever you say. Just dont wait forever, m’kay? CHICKENS DONE” Scott called out, and the two brothers made there way to the table. 

You enjoyed spending time with Carly and her family. You just fit right in with all the family dramatics that made up the Evans siblings. Even Lisa took right to mothering you. You always look forward to seeing Chris to, when he wasnt busy promoting his latest movie or diving headfirst into some other project. Today though, he had time off and was back home in Massachusetts for a time. And much to your enjoyment, he brought Dodger, whom you been sneaking treats to him under the table. Giving him nose kisses and shushing him from letting Chris know what you were doing. 

So here you were, going around the table with a paper plate, scooping a handful of chips, spearing some of the meat the guys grilled, and about to reach for a spoonful of salad, when Chris went in first to take it. You pull back, and he scoops out a spoonful, remarking without even thinking “You want some of this babygirl?”

What did he just say?! 

Theres a stunned silence around the table and it doesnt click to Chris what he had said till he repeated the words in his head. Babygirl... he seriously fucking called you babygirl, and this time it wasnt just his ears that went red. His whole face did as he glanced around the table, one by one, each person broke out in a grin. Scott of course with a smug ‘told you’ grin, his sisters looked like they couldnt be contained, and his mom had a soft smile of acknowledgment of her sons feelings for a close friend. His glance at you, showed you biting your lip to keep from grinning and nodding. 

“Yea Handsome, how about you put some of that tater salad on my plate.” You couldnt help teasing him back, and he groaned a bit, dropping the spoon full on. Everything resumed to the usual chatter and everyone acted as if nothing had happened. Later, once the party died down, and Chris was sitting out alone in the yard, thinking about what he done, you moved to join him in a nearby chair. 

“Hey, I wanted to ask you a question.” You say, screwing off the top of a beer and letting it rattle on top of the table top. “You wanna go out one night? Just the two of us. We can call it a date.” You grin at him, and he chuckled, looking down at his bottle. 

“I should have asked you a long time ago, not you finding out like that and coming to ask me you know.” 

“Well Im asking now Chris. And want to know something? Ive always really liked you to.” 

He looked at you surprised, and you two fall into a longer conversation. 

At the window the three siblings are trying to listen in, and Lisa comes up behind them, smacking all three back of the head. “You three get out of your brothers business! I didnt raise yall like that!” which sent the three of them scattering and rubbing the back of there heads, and Lisa herself takes a peek, excited for her oldest son. 

A/N- Poor boy, he didnt mean to drop it over the picnic table, but whats done is done and we all know your gonna find it hella cute. XD 

[i-want-to-be-manhandled]

just remembered i wrote an embarrassing vent while crying over him yesterday and saved it in the drafts and i wanna give 6pm me a hug lol. im not gonna post it bc my feelings have already evolved but anyways ive decided yall still get updates on the saga as it continues (platonically) bc my life is a shitcom and im serious about what im about to say

so first bad feelings:

yes a lot of my heartbreak comes from him being straight but mostly i already miss the illusion of being desired. i loved believing there was a chance i was being hit on bc as someone who is never hit on and whose crushes never really pan out, i was kind of crushed to learn that there wasnt even a possibility of him ever being into me. it was torturous not knowing if he was into guys but being able to what-if about something positive was so nice lmao. also having to tell everyone i told that the waiting game waw over was just so crushing because i was so excited and my friends were rooting for me. and finally there was something in my life to be rooted for!! something besides an assignment or a depressive episode. something fun. even i was rooting for me. but now theres nothing to root for. classes start today and as we all know i am a fucking workaholic with no social life so odds are there will be nothing else along the lines of this for me until after i graduate.

good feelings:

for the first time in several years i was able to let myself feel things for him guilt-free. i let myself daydream and fantasize to my gay little heart's content which i have seldom let myself do in the past. having been treated like a predator every time i liked someone in the past will kinda make you internalize that you're crossing someone's boundaries by thinking about how nice it would be to kiss them, but that's literally normal human behavior and this is the first time ive just let myself think about kissing him as much as i wanted to. i even let myself flirt with him (after learning that i could even do that lol) and make moves on him not even knowing if he liked guys so it wasnt for nothing. maybe someday i'll find someone who does like guys and they'll reciprocate. or maybe even flirt with me first!! i wish someday was Now but you know. trauma and shit. also im very picky.

bonus: hilarious news

you know. the more i think about it. the more he doesnt even know he picked the perfect wingman. granted he did choose the most socially awkward of his friends (i don't even need to know the rest of his friends to know that tbh just trust me lmao) but he's also socially awkward so he Gets It lol. (me: idk dude i have to be like 3 drinks in to talk to people i dont know but i'll do my best. him: im not that bad but i understand) but also he incidentally chose someone who knows Exactly how great he is. i have literally been telling everyone how great he is for two months. i, as a disaster bisexual, am uniquely qualified to tell some random girl in a bar how hot he is. i can see it now: "so... you and my friend over there were chatting it up earlier? you have good taste i mean dude is hilarious. makes the best worst jokes ive ever heard in my life. plus he is definitely the hottest guy here i mean LOOK at that face. he's dense as fuck though so you're gonna have to get his number first" lmao. y'all will absolutely get this story if and when it happens.

[mccourtytwins]

this is long and probably a lil too personal but i felt like i wanted to say something and this is what came out so yall can really just ignore this. its long. its dramatic. 

idk how many of the people that follow me know but 2018 and 2019 have really been the worst years of my life. waaaaay worse than i ever imagined my life could ever get. genuinely. never in my 22 years of life did i think i would have to go through the shit i went through in these last two years. long story short, i lost my mom, my aunt, 3 pets, nearly my other aunt, nearly my dad, and nearly my brother within 18 months. obviously, losing my mom was/is by far the hardest thing i’ll ever have to go through. she was my entire world and it happened so unexpectedly. it pretty much left me completely empty. im really just a shell of a person at this point. she and i were the only people in my house that enjoyed sports. every single night we’d sit down and watch whatever game is on. she got me into football in first grade, baseball last year, and hockey last year. all we ever wanted to do was watch sports and talk about them. and nearly every day we talked about how we wished we could go to games. problem was, we were poor. could barely afford to pay the bills, rarely could afford groceries, etc. so going to games was pretty much a pipe dream because especially boston sports tickets are so disgustingly expensive. in december of last year, i won tickets to a red sox game and literally got so excited because we finally were gonna be able to go to a game. it was probably the happiest moment of my life because we were finally getting to do the thing we always talked about. anyways, since football has always been our #1 sport, the patriots games were always a must. however, y’all know how absurd those prices are so we never got to go. we always talked about getting to see tom play in person before he retired. this season was the year i hoped to bring my mom to a game. i had no idea how i was gonna do it, but i needed it to happen. she deserved it.  she was so excited for this year because of how much promise they had at the beginning of the season. all the talent. unfortunately, she passed before the season started and never got the chance to see them. one of the things i told her in the hospital was that i wanted make sure i did the things she wanted to do. idk if that makes sense to other people but it’s something i thought was important. since she didn’t get to do them, i wanted someone to do them. idk. since her passing i’ve gone to 3 red sox games and a bruins game.  but still wasn’t able to go to a patriots game because tickets were selling at a higher price because of their record. so i kinda had just given up on seeing them, and honestly gave up on the idea that i’d see tom play before he retired. plus, i had no one to go with because my mom was the only person i know who liked sports. none of my friends do. 

recently, my friend has gotten into sports and now has an interest in going to games. so last minute (literally last week) i decided that i wanted to find a way to a patriots game. i wanted to go to a game with my mom there in spirit and finally get to live out that dream of ours. i’m still pretty broke at this point and would have to empty half my checking account for nosebleeds but i was gonna do it. so yesterday (christmas), i was feeling extremely sad and vulnerable and just overall like shit because it was my mom and i’s favorite holiday and this was the first time she wasn’t here for it. i pretty much cried all day... and all night but between my crying i scrolled through ticket sites incessantly because i wanted to find the cheapest ticket possible. i had a plan of waiting until last minute but i got impatient. i caved and bought a ticket for my friend and i to see them play on sunday and honestly thinking about it makes me wanna cry.

i wanna cry because my mom should be here. she should be coming to this game with me. i wanna cry because i’m finally getting to see my bb’s play in person. and although this probably seems v dramatic ((because it is)) i just feel like the tiniest sense of happiness for the first time in years. 

idk if anyone can relate but sports are literally my entire world. like it’s all i think it. i’m so immersed in the world ((probably a little too much)) and idk sports are just that constant feeling of happiness in my life.. especially when everything else feels like shit. 

so for all the people who follow me, i know you’re upset but you wont be seeing my incessant, annoying ass liveblogging for the dolphins game 😂💀. it’ll be sitting a billion feet up in the air, probably in the last row, out in the freezing rain but i’ll be happy for the first time in a looooong time. unless we lose then i’ll get sad. i’m kidding,,,, kinda. 

especially the last couple months, my faith has been a little all over the place and im currently in limbo of what i believe and what i don’t but, all i hope is that my mom is with me at this game. a funny lil side note; all 5 games i’ve gone to (i went to one red sox game with my friend while my mom was still here but she was supposed to be the one to go but she was in the hospital and she told me she really wanted me to go instead of skip it) there has been 1 open seat next to me. every single game. just one seat. 

another side note i should mention; ive been to 1 preseason game in 2016 with my mom and one preseason game this season. both games were all rookies. so i don’t count it as a game because i’ve never gotten to see the main guys play. 

okay i’m done now, sorry for being overdramatic and annoying.

fuck the dolphins, lets go pats.

TLDR; 2018 and 2019 have been the worst years of my life and honestly this decade has been nothing but sadness and loss for me but i’m finally experiencing my childhood dream of seeing the patriots play in person. it’s probably not that deep to anyone else but this is literally something i’ve wanted since first grade. i’ve waited 16 years for this. 

[the-family-fortune]

So last night I asked my server for suggestions on the Galochio fic I’m working on. They were very helpful.

DaisyYesterday at 11:38 PM

how do u get rid of the main villain of a story............ without actually getting rid of them in any effective way?? like i dont want to be "and then he walked away and was never a problem again" because. thats dumb. but i need something to that effect.

Theo || teddy assigned mormonYesterday at 11:38 PM

u could kill him off

Sabrina || chasergirlYesterday at 11:40 PM

I need a little bit more information regarding plot before I can be of any help I think

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:42 PM

distract him with something else entirely?

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:42 PM

family emergency

turtleYesterday at 11:42 PM

Had a doctor’s appointment

SJ || gay theatre kidYesterday at 11:42 PM

eat him

sorry

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:42 PM

he gets sick and has to take a break

turtleYesterday at 11:42 PM

His magic fucked up and went to another dimension

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:43 PM

job pulls him to the complete opposite side of the world

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:43 PM

he took a cruise

turtleYesterday at 11:43 PM

He wanted a vacation

SJ || gay theatre kidYesterday at 11:43 PM

send him to brazil

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:43 PM

got a new phone and lost the protag's cell number

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:43 PM

he broke his teeth and needs to get that shit fixed cuz goddamn

DaisyYesterday at 11:44 PM

im SO glad i didnt give enough context in the first one these are all SUPERB. i did think abt killing him off in the final confrontation but i really dont want this 9 year old murdering her grandpa gjkfds. it COULD be an accident because his powers are big and unstable. 

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:44 PM

mild heart attack puts him out of commission for a while

Theo || teddy assigned mormonYesterday at 11:44 PM

goes to antarctica

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:44 PM

coma

DaisyYesterday at 11:44 PM

FUCK

GOES TO ANTARCTICA WINS. I HATE THAT, THANK YOU.

Theo || teddy assigned mormonYesterday at 11:45 PM

electrocution fucks up

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:45 PM

fjsjfjjs

Theo || teddy assigned mormonYesterday at 11:45 PM

he gets killed

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:45 PM

but he gets better

Theo || teddy assigned mormonYesterday at 11:45 PM

no?

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:45 PM

maybe the electrocution backfires and makes him bedridden for the rest of his life

Theo || teddy assigned mormonYesterday at 11:45 PM

yeah

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:45 PM

if he wants

DaisyYesterday at 11:45 PM

he gets killed, but he gets better.........

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:45 PM

it happens

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:45 PM

"better" means "more haunted"

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:46 PM

thank you

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:46 PM

ye I gotchu

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:46 PM

grandpa piss ghost

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:46 PM

send him to the moon

DaisyYesterday at 11:46 PM

he IS Like. ancient. he's ALREADY missing one leg. it would not take much to put him out of commission, but also he's a cockroach.

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:47 PM

dont send him to the moon....

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:47 PM

honestly the first thing that came to mind was despicable me

when they sent fucking vector to the moon

DaisyYesterday at 11:47 PM

portal 2 for me

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:47 PM

moons getting crowded

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:47 PM

how many antagonists have gotten stuck on the moon? holy shit?

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:48 PM

Usagi the moon bunny has a prison for antagonists

SmolMuffinYesterday at 11:48 PM

Alright gonna write a massive crossover of villains on the moon/j

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:48 PM

maybe just... make him cry and have a breakdown or something idk

he cant do shit if he's in bed all day like me

SmolMuffinYesterday at 11:49 PM

Also for a idea im not too sure

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:49 PM

he can cry on moontarctica

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:49 PM

Daisy if this is your psy oc I think you can get pretty absurd with it

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:49 PM

the moon: now with snow

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:49 PM

cold moon.....

that's how they keep the cheese fresh

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:50 PM

maybe just smack him with a newspaper

or pour concrete on him just leave his head above the surface or smth

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:50 PM

y'all are on the moon, meanwhile I've got him forever bedridden like Charlie Bucket's grandparents

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:50 PM

mood

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:51 PM

except grandpa Joe I mean

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:51 PM

dude what if like some sort of freak accident happens that just fucking snipes him and makes him useless

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:51 PM

that bed? It's on the moon now

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:51 PM

oh to be an old lady and sleep on the moon...

DaisyYesterday at 11:51 PM

it is the psy OC!!! her grandpa SUCKS and he's genuinely the worst person ive ever written and he wont!! DIE!!!

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:52 PM

oh.... oh my god..... to be Wallace from the Wallace and gromit go to the moon and have cheese and crackers.

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:52 PM

ghagfdka;gh

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:53 PM

maybe you can send him on a wild goose chase

for forever

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:53 PM

daisy heres what you do ok. you uhhhhh wait for him to die of old age naturally and see what his will says in an exciting will-reading scene

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:53 PM

just continuously give him red herrings

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:53 PM

imagine I put quotes around exciting

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:53 PM

give this man a macguffin, slap him on the back and say "go get em"

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:53 PM

red herrings? Why not a very fun destination???

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:54 PM

dude sell his soul to whatever sort of dark power there is for a single corn chip

bonk him on the head so hard he becomes a toddler again

uhhh

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:54 PM

what's that app that sends you on adventures based on what you wanna find?

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:54 PM

geocache?

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:54 PM

bonk him on the head in general

aye i've done those before those are fun

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:55 PM

Pokemon go??

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:55 PM

not geocache but close

hang on I saw a vid of it recently

Randonautica

Sabrina || chasergirlYesterday at 11:55 PM

I mean... if you just have them be fidgety about it for a while... there doesn’t necessarily need to be an explanation now that I think about it

A lot of things could happen to him once he’s out of their sight that they might not end up hearing about

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:56 PM

send him to the mariana trench

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:56 PM

he steps away and gets hit by a bus a la Mean Girls

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:56 PM

all of the above

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:57 PM

theres a bus in  the mariana trench?

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:57 PM

theres about to be

Sabrina || chasergirlYesterday at 11:57 PM

Pfft... he starts to walk away and quartermaster shows up, hitting him with the bus, and just turns to the kids and goes “bus is here”

DaisyYesterday at 11:57 PM

the most ambitious crossover of all time....

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:57 PM

snipe him so fucking hard that theres a crossover

dude just take his knees

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:57 PM

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:57 PM

like just take them off

un-velcro his knees

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:58 PM

FUCK

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:58 PM

GOD

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:58 PM

bus in the trench

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:58 PM

THERES THE FUCKING BUS

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:58 PM

DAMMIT

BUS IN THE TRENCH

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:58 PM

TRENCHBUS GOTTEM

DaisyYesterday at 11:58 PM

well "bus in the mariana trench'' has clearly already been done >:T

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:58 PM

damn yeah

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:58 PM

make it a mack truck

DaisyYesterday at 11:58 PM

nothings original these days

Lays || trenchbus driverYesterday at 11:59 PM

original trench vehicle do not steal

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaYesterday at 11:59 PM

give him a "mid-life" crisis and make him go soul searching or something

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Yesterday at 11:59 PM

exactly! you can use mariana trench bus

Sabrina || chasergirlYesterday at 11:59 PM

Ok, but back to serious answers: they could possibly read in the newspaper about him being arrested for something seemingly unrelated but that they and the readers may be able to connect the dots to some sinister thing he was attempting to do to them somehow?

Theo || teddy assigned mormonYesterday at 11:59 PM

he gets sniped byh miss frizzle eastAugust 17, 2020

DaisyToday at 12:00 AM

OH WAIT FUCK UR RIGHT

THE WHOLE 

yall.

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Today at 12:00 AM

let him realize that the most important lesson here is friendship

DaisyToday at 12:00 AM

im so fucking stupid

the WHOLE STORY. IS ABOUT HOW HES BEING INVESTIGATED BY THE PSYCHIC FBI

Lays || trenchbus driverToday at 12:00 AM

friendship saves the day....

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaToday at 12:00 AM

theres only one braincell in this server its okay we're all just taking turns with it

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Today at 12:00 AM

GHHGHAHG;GHRR

Sabrina || chasergirlToday at 12:00 AM

LMFAO

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Today at 12:00 AM

THEY GOTTEM

Lays || trenchbus driverToday at 12:01 AM

FBI stands for Friendship Bureau of Investigation

DaisyToday at 12:01 AM

i was SO FOCUSED ON THE END SCENE I FORGOT IT WAS CONNECTED TO A STORY........

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Today at 12:01 AM

LAYS IS THE TRENCHBUS DRIVER

Lays || trenchbus driverToday at 12:01 AM

uwu

Sabrina || chasergirlToday at 12:01 AM

“How do I eliminate this character being pursued by the fbi?” “My first option is to have him be murdered by children but I’d prefer not to have to resort to that”

I love it

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Today at 12:01 AM

ngfdk;sgkfag;f

we all out here trying to play cabin in the woods with this old man

DaisyToday at 12:02 AM

never once did i claim to be clever

Lays || trenchbus driverToday at 12:02 AM

and he would've gotten away with it too if it wasnt for this meddling government agency

Lays || trenchbus driverToday at 12:03 AM

thus ends the saga of grandpa piss

DaisyToday at 12:03 AM

i am going to CRY this has been an adventure holy SHIT

Lays || trenchbus driverToday at 12:04 AM

he sure did go a lot of places

spry old fucker

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Today at 12:04 AM

I wonder how many trench buses he had to wait for

DaisyToday at 12:04 AM

you'd think at like 89 with one good leg he wouldn't get around as much but here we are

Laamb || campkeeper 👻Today at 12:05 AM

he was probably rolling around in that bed 8T

Lays || trenchbus driverToday at 12:05 AM

you can go anywhere with a bus pass and a sense of adventure

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaToday at 12:05 AM

can we make that zero good legs? i have a nice crowbar right here i can use

DaisyToday at 12:05 AM

BE MY GUEST

Blaze || not-quite-cocoaToday at 12:05 AM

im gonna put this man in a walmart scooter

kiss your knees goodbye

Lays || trenchbus driverToday at 12:06 AM

(dont stop tho he has more trenchbuses to get hit by)

Theo || teddy assigned mormonToday at 12:08 AM

[ellyisaslygirl]

hi! i seen you have draco x reader requests open? my bestie (a slytherin of course) has been down in the dumps lately because someone made fun of her accent, so i was curious is you could do a draco x slytherin reader where the reader just so happens to have a southern/country accent and draco just loves it? i'd appreciate it! thanks!

: OMG I was so excited when I got this request last night! I’m actually from Texas but it’s been quite a few years since I’ve been there, now I’m not sure what part of the south your friend is from but I hope this still helps her feel better!!

-Onto the x reader

WARNING: A bit of bullying/teasing in the beginning but mega cuteness at end

“I swear if I hear her say ‘y’all one more bloody damn time, I’m gonna hex her.” Pansy said, popping a grape into her mouth and sweeping her hair out of her face.

Y/N felt tense for the hundredth time that week and was almost considering sowing her mouth shut or using a spell. She didn’t understand why she had got chosen out of the lucky few to attend to such a school, she loved it, but some of the students were complete pricks.

And since she was sorted into Slytherin, she thought that since she was with the group that was labeled as the worse kind of house to be in, that maybe she’d be protected some sort of way by her own housemates, but nope, they treated her as if she was a Gryffindor or a Hufflepuff.

But there was one boy that didn’t seem to participate in the whole teasing and bullying thing, Y/N thought of him as cute as a button, but she could never tell him that, so, she almost remained quiet until class was finish.

She had a certain treat in mind that was waiting for her up in her dorm, kept cool by a charm she had learned, was her small tub of Blue Bell ice cream, well, actually a couple of tubs, but whatever.

Once she was finally able to get away from class, she slid through a small gap of students and thought she was safe from avoiding her foul housemates, but nope.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Goyle asked, cornering her.

“Hopefully, it’s back to whatever she came from...c’mon why won’t you speak? Hate your own voice as well? Maybe I should fix it for you?” Pansy smirked, drawing out her wand, but her eyes widened, looking behind Y/N. Y/N narrowed her eyebrows and then turned around to see Draco, glaring at Pansy.

“Why don’t you give it a rest? Besides I got some things in mind.” He smirked at Pansy, who nodded and told the boys to follow her to their next class.

Fear grew inside Y/N as she didn’t know what Draco was planning with her and people always said he was the worse.

“Take me to your dorm.” Draco tugged on her arm and she gulped, turning towards him.

“W-what?” she asked, hearing her southern drawn for the first time that day.

She couldn’t help but notice Draco’s lip curl up in a smile and urged her again.

Once they got there, Y/N still felt uneasy and was eyeing her treats that she kept hidden in a cooler like box.

“You know, you don’t got to listen to her.” Draco said, closing the dorm and crossed his arms, looking directly at her.

“I don’t listen to her.” she snapped, crossing her arms as well and leaned to one side.

Draco chuckled and Y/N noticed his cheeks dusting with a slight pinkish tint.

“What’s so funny, huh?” she asked, glaring at him.

“It’s cute....and...well..kind of hot.” He said, lowering his arms and took a few steps closer to her.

Y/N didn’t understand a damn thing that was going on and was questioning whether or not Draco was pranking her at the moment.

“Elaborate?” Y/N said.

“Your accent...I know they hate it, but even though, it’s a bit odd and it’s almost foreign here, I could listen to it all day.” He admitted and looked into her eyes.

Y/N couldn’t believe what she was hearing at all. He..he liked her accent?

“Really?” she asked, softening up a bit and then almost melted like if she had left her ice cream out in the heat on a summer’s day when he came really close, Y/N could notice the soft scent of vanilla and apple coming from him and how soft his skin looked, as well as how dreamy his eyes looked.

They stayed like that for a moment, every now and then, Draco would walk closer, closing the space between them until their noses touched.

“You gonna kiss me or not?” She pressed, smirking as she found her sass back and he grinned, giving her a small wink before leaning in.

Y/N grinned as well and then leaned in, their lips finally touching.

Draco wrapped his arms around Y/N’s waist, goosebumps rose on her arms and wrapped them around Draco’s neck, deepening the kiss until they broke off.

“So...can I hear you talk more often?” Draco asked, kissing her forehead, to which, she blushed and bit her lip, before nodding.

“But Pansy..” Y/N remembered and Draco shook his head,”I can handle her.”

Y/N nodded and then grinned. “I want you to try something.” she said, her accent began to sound thick again as she opened up the box under her chair and had different varieties of ice cream.

“What’s that?” Draco asked.

“The best kind of ice cream.” Y/N took out a few different flavors. “Pick.” she said, showing him and his eyebrow rose, looking at her.

“It’s just ice cream.” She promises and he nods, selecting one and opened it up.

“We haven’t any spoons.” he said and then Y/N smiled, saying something underneath her breath and then  she held two spoons.

“You’re amazing.” He breathed and she blushed, handing him his spoon.

“Shut up.” she said and they stayed sat on her bed, Y/N smiling as Draco seemed to be enjoying the ice cream and she was as well.

“So....am I yours?” She asked and he winked,”You always have been mine.”

“Don’t give me any ideas there.” Y/N winked, scooping another spoonful of ice cream.

“Save it for next time...maybe we can use these ice creams.” he laughed and Y/N nodded, considering it.

(Heya Ik it’s kind of short and I hope it’s good enough, but yeah if she wants a second part to this then I will do it haha but yeah)   

[nottodaylogic]

light.

Summary: EVEN MORE OF THE GAY LOGINCE! With a special question bECAUSE @shootingace / @ohbytheangel and I have NO. SELF. CONTROL. WHATSOEVER. Based on a post by @today-only-happens-once and dedicated, once more, to @sanders-sides-thuri :)

Pairing: Logince 

A/N: Takes place after sun., part 3/3 of the Logince Fluff series, written, again, with @shootingace :) this is the last part, super fun (and frustrating since I’ve never been to Olive Garden) to write! 

@hghrules @becca-becky @tinysidestrashcaptain 

Hope y’all like it! :D

The tile in one pocket and the box in the other seemed to almost, nonsensically, burn as Logan walked. They’d talked over this topic before, multiple times, so there was no logical reason to be nervous.

And yet.

“Date night?” he asked his boyfriend, kissing him on the cheek. Roman startled, accidentally mutilating the word he was typing. He just looked at it, betrayed. “I’ve prepared some activities,” Logan murmured.

Roman looked very excited. “Ooh, activities! I like activities!”

“I like you.”

Roman flushed, deep and red. “Aren’t you sappy today. What’s the occasion?”

“No occasion. I was simply stating a fact.” He hummed, extending his arm. “I have made reservations. Shall we leave?”

“Hold on, just let me finish this sentence.”

This meant “let me finish this scene because I have no self control and must write a lot even though there are other priorities.”

“Of course.” Logan dropped a kiss to Roman’s head and walked away swiftly to get his coat.

Ten minutes later, as he expected, Roman staggered in, haphazardly yanking his jacket on. Logan looked at his watch.

“Precisely on time.” He opened the door. “Come. Our destination awaits.”

“Where are we going?” Roman asked mischievously.

“You shall see.”

“Tell me? Pleeeeeease?”

Logan smirked, leaning in and pressing a short kiss to Roman’s lips. “Will that satisfy you for the time being?”

“Mmmm, I don’t think so.” Roman tugged Logan closer, kissing him deeply. He set his hand on the small of Logan’s back, like he was about to dip him, making Logan go breathless.

“Now will you tell?” Roman asked, pulling back.

“It’s a surprise,” Logan breathed, though he wasn’t sure how much longer he could keep it a surprise if Roman insisted on making him fall even more in love.

Roman leaned in and whispered, “rude.” He then dropped him.

Logan scrambled to his feet, thankful for his 18 Dexterity. “Hey. We don’t have to go on the date if you don’t want to.”

“No, I want to! It’s incredibly romantic, my dear. Surprises are exciting yet it’s so hard to wait!”

“As Virgil would say, ‘because you are an impatient baby’.” Logan guestuted forward, towards the car. “After you.”

—

Logan pulled into the parking lot. There weren’t many decent spots, but he managed to grab one.

Roman turned to him excitedly, seeing their destination. “Ooh, Olive Garden?”

“I come prepared to woo the server into giving us extra breadsticks to take home.”

“You’re the best.”

Logan blushed softly. “Thank you. Now, our reservation awaits us.”

They entered the restaurant and were seated right away, thanks to Logan planning ahead and making a reservation.

“Your server will be right with you,” the host said, showing them to their table.

Roman pulled out Logan’s chair dramatically. “Monsieur, your chair?”

Logan rolled his eyes. He sat down, pushing out Roman’s chair with his foot. “There. Now we are even.”

“You’re a nerd,” Roman said fondly.

Logan inhaled, ready to refute this claim, but instead said only: “I know.”

“Wow. And you say I have an ego.”

“It is true, why are you pointing that out?” Logan was confused and a bit flustered by how sweet Roman was being.

Roman snorted. “You’re adorable.”

“No, I am very serious. I am not adorable. Patton is the adorable one.”

“That’s true, but it doesn’t mean you’re not adorable.”

That’s when a server came up to their table, preventing Logan from protesting more. “Hey, I’m Remy, can I get you anything to get started?” He set a menu in front of the couple.

“Breadsticks,” Roman said, at the same time Logan said, “water, please.”

“Of course. Some waters and a basket of breadsticks?”

They nodded and Remy left. The two chatted about movies that they hoped to watch, the drama that Logan heard from his students, how Roman’s characters were behaving.

“I try to get them to do something! And usually, they’re pretty good with cooperating. Just, these past few days, they just… won’t.”

“Can’t you simply… make them do it?”

Roman made distressed noises. “But I can’t! It feels weird then, and out of character! Okay, okay, enough about my distress. Spill the tea that you hear from your students.”

“Alright.” Logan adjusted his glasses. “You will not believe what Lizzie told me Justin K. did…”

Roman clapped excitedly. “Ooh, that idiot Justin! What did he do this time?”

“Well…”

Logan told him, Roman’s grin growing, becoming more and more mischievous.

“So let me get this gay. He told this teacher, who was literally eight months pregnant, that he didn’t think women needed a maternity leave?”

“Mhm.”

“Has he ever been pregnant? Or given birth?”

Logan laughed. He loved Roman so, so, much. “Not that I know of.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah. I know that teachers aren’t supposed to have favorites, but Justin is definitely on my ‘not a favorite’ list. Not that I have any such thing.”

“You know, I think we’re supposed to be deciding what to order right now,” Roman mentioned.

“As if you don’t get the same exact thing every time we come here.”

“You got me there.”

“That’s a meme.”

“You got me there.”

Logan stifled a laugh. “I love you.”

Roman smiled. “Love you too.”

That’s when Remy came back to take their orders. Roman ordered spaghetti and tomato soup. Logan ordered lasagna and a Greek salad. A chat and two baskets of breadsticks later, their dinner had arrived.

Logan ate his lasagna and laughed at Roman’s jokes, but the weight in his pocket—why did he bring the ring, it might get lost, he didn’t need it, this is illogical—was very present in his mind.

And worse was the nagging thought that Roman might say no. Of course, they had talked about marriage, but you could never be completely sure of an outcome.

“Something on your mind?” Roman asked, his foot brushing Logan’s.

Logan smiled. “You.”

Roman laughed. “You’re so sweet. It’s great.”

And with those words, that laugh, Logan felt himself drawn back into the moment, the fears of a future yes or no gone for the time being.

—

When they returned back home, Logan brought out the scrabble board.

Roman raised an eyebrow. “Not even gonna ask me if I wanna play this?”

“You’ve been bringing up how you want to play Scrabble for ten days now.”

“True.”

They set it up, Logan allowed his boyfriend to pick the starting word (LADDER) (“what? It’s the only thing I can do!”), and the game began.

“Your turn,” Roman said, gesturing to the board.

Logan set down the letters R, O, M, A, and N.

“Hey, no! That doesn’t count, it’s a proper noun!”

“I’ve let you get away with many proper nouns over the years. Cut me some slack.” Logan sat back, gesturing to the board. “You go.”

Roman put down O, P, and E to write NOPE.

Logan tried not to take this as a bad omen.

He then added L, O, V to the E in NOPE, making it LOVE.

“Awww, you sap,” Roman teased, swooning. “That’s so sweet.”

They continued playing, Logan adding FOREVER and DEDICATION to Roman’s words (OCEAN and DISBELIEF)

“Is something amiss?” Roman felt his forehead, looking overly concerned for the comedic effect. “You seem to be exceedingly sentimental today.”

Logan brushed this off with a, “It was simply what I could make with my letters and the board.”

Roman eyed him curiously, but dropped the topic. “Your turn.”

Logan wordlessly set down his piece, putting it right next to ROMAN, so that it read ROMAN, will you marry me?

Roman started to protest about how “that’s not in the rules of the game, Logan!”, but then he stopped, obviously having read the piece.

His eyes snapped up, meeting Logan’s.

“You… you… Logan.” It seemed he couldn’t say anything more.

Logan slid out his chair, dropping to one knee, holding the box with the ring in front of him. “Marry me, Roman Princeton?”

“Lo… Logan, oh my gosh. Oh my gosh.” And then he was out of his chair, too, stumbling towards Logan. He leaned down, taking Logan’s face in his hands, kissing him softly. “Yes, yes, of course, yes.”

Logan let Roman pull him to his feet, his arms around Roman’s waist, holding him tight. “Roman. I love you. I love every moment we’ve spent together. I treasure every memory I share with you. And I’d like to make more memories with you. For the rest of forever.”

Roman nodded, pressing his his forehead to Logan’s shoulder. “Yes,” he choked out.

“Hey, Ro, don’t cry,” Logan whispered, rubbing Roman’s crisp, clean shirt between his fingers. “Don’t cry.”

But he would be lying if he said that he wasn’t crying a little too.

Because finally, finally, he would be marrying the love of his life.

Because… because he just loved Roman so much, loved him so much that sometimes he didn’t know what to do with all the feelings.

Because Roman was going to be his, his, forever and ever and ever.

“I love you so damn much, Roman.”

“I love you too.” Roman pulled back slightly, holding his hand out. “You going to… you going to actually put that ring on me?”

Logan laughed softly and slid the ring onto Roman’s finger, then pull Roman’s hand to his mouth, kissing the back of it. “I love you. I love you so much, Ro.”

“I know.”

Logan laughed, pulling Roman close and kissing him. “You're wonderful, Princey.”

“Mmm, I know.” Logan stared at Roman, deadpan. “Just kidding, you are too.” Roman nudged Logan’s chin with his nose then kissed his cheek. “Love you. So freaking much.”

“Dance with me?” Logan asked, the words spilling out of his mouth before he could really process what he was asking.

“Where’s the music?”

Logan tilted his head. “Sing?”

Roman snorted. “Well, we need some sort of background music, Lo. I can’t sing if I’m gonna kiss you, and I’d very much like to kiss you.”

Logan blushed, his breath catching in his chest.

“C’mon, babe,” Roman said. “Music.”

So Logan grabbed his phone, pulling up the “romantic songs for my nerd” playlist Roman had made for him.

On came As Long As You’re Mine from Wicked, and Logan pulled Roman close.

They danced and twirled and laughed together, Logan falling more and more in love. Roman was so beautiful, so loving, and Logan got to spend the rest of his live with him.

“I love you, Roman.”

“Yeah?” Roman whispered.

“Yeah.”

“Prove it.”

So Logan twirled Roman, then pulled him back, dipping him and kissing him softly.

Roman let out a soft gasp. “I love you so much,” he murmured, tangling his fingers in Logan’s hair.

“Love you too.”

—

Later, they lay on the bed together, staring at the ceiling, tired, content.

Roman curled up on Logan’s chest, so beautifully exhausted. “How long were you planning to propose?”

Logan thought for a moment. “A little while.”

“How long did you know you wanted to marry me?”

Running his hands through his fiancé’s hair, he responded, “Forever, probably. I just—I never imagined my future without you. And then a few weeks ago I realized that why not get married?”

Roman seemed to think this through for a moment when he asked, “Why me?”

The question took Logan by surprise. “Why you what?”

Roman looked directly into Logan’s eyes. The expression there was raw, unable to be described. “Why did you want to marry me?”

Because you’re the only person I’d ever want to marry. Because you’re the only person I’d ever want. Because you’re stellar. Because you’re funny and sweet and dramatic and unique and loving and thoughtful and romantic. Because despite loving you, I can’t find the vocabulary to express all of this. “Because I love you.”

“Aww, Lo.” Roman reached up, kissing Logan softly. “Now we get to plan a wedding.”

“But first we should go to bed.”

Roman’s eyebrows raised as he smirked, and Logan only slightly regretted his phrasing. “As you wish.”

Logan blushed, but nobody could prove it, so what did it matter?

—

Logan woke first in the morning, a stream of light illuminating the room. He glanced down at Roman, snoring, the ring on his finger shining.

And Logan knew that they would get to spend the rest of their lives like this.

[highroadsteve]

going to a concert — t.h.

im honestly writing this because twenty one pilots might be coming back soon and i am so excited ive been waiting a whole year for this

ok enjoy, this is kinda based off of my own experience going to concerts

warning: just swearing!

masterlist

ok so going to a concert w tom would soooo fucking fun

you two would be so full of adrenaline because it’s your favorite band and you are finally gonna go see them!!

the night before, u and tom are going over plans and whats happening, when are you gonna leave, all that jazz

of course tom will be super chill about it and he’s like oh yea its gonna be pretty cool

but inside he’s like screeching in excitement since he gets to experience this with you

because he just loves making amazing memories w his most prized possession aka u

so now its the day of the concert in which doors open at 6pm so you have the whole day to get ready

however, you both wake up pretty early because you’re just so damn excited

you get your clothes ready right after you eat breakfast because you gotta look good when you take pics to post on insta amirite

so you start getting ready by like lets say 3:30 so you can leave at 5:30 with no rush

lets be real tom doesnt start getting ready until like 5 cause he claims he doesnt need so much time smh

anyways yall finally make it to the venue and its no surprise theres a huuuuuuge line

well since tom is pretty damn rich u know he went all out and got u some good ass tickets so you can watch your favorite artist from up close

maybe even backstage???

nonetheless the concert would be full of crying and screaming and singing along to your favorite songs

there would be times where you and him would kiss soo passionately cause !!! thats ur song!!!!!

and although it was pretty suffocating to be around so many people, you two came out with your blood just fuckin PUMPING

your phones are almost dead due to u both recording basically the entire concert but thats cool cause you get to replay them and just smile at the memories!!

now you both just go through the huge crowd tryna get out and go to the merch stands cause you just HAVE to buy some shirts

the two of you are finally out and in your car just resting, drinking some water and laughing breathlessly

your whole body is basically just sore and worn out but it’s all worth it cause u got to see your favorite artist and you got to see them with your favorite person

[kpopidolsarehumanstoo]

“Going Out” Xu Minghao (the8): Drabble

Pairing: Xu Minghao (seventeen) x male reader

Genre: Fluff with no plot lol

Relationship with reader: Theyve been dating for about a year now.

Quick Summary: Seventeen was given a much needed week off, Minghao decided to celebrate it with (m/n).

Warning: Cursing, It gets quite steamy at the end.

A/N: Please dont go too hard on me this is my first time posting a creation of mine here in tumblr dkhjgilhsrlgsdlvbns. Anyways thankyou to the people who supported me to post something Yall makin me UWU. Im actually shocked I got support heheh. So here is sum mediocre shit for yall lol. I hope that yall somehow like it.

Words: 1174

Today was your lazy day. Being the absolute lazy slob that you are your room was littered with trash, mostly potato chips, and some stray popcorn from your movie night with friends last night. Your friends left long ago and here you are laying on your bed waiting for some seventeen updates from every possible social media platform.

For some reason Minghao hasn’t messaged or called you. Which was weird considering that hes the type of person to update you on everything, (everything including stolen photos of the members, you were sworn to secrecy). Your mind started pointing out all the possibilities, maybe hes drunk, maybe he was so tired he fell asleep early, maybe him and Mingyu did something stupid that led to Woozi killing them. A lot of possibilities, hopefully not the last one.

You felt defeated, tired of waiting. You stood up, about to go to the kitchen when all of a sudden your phone rang. You saw the caller ID and immediately swooped down and answered.

“Are you still alive?” You calmly said to the phone.

“Good morning to you too Baobei.” He answered.

“So what happened last night?” You asked.

You went downstairs to prepare yourself breakfast, You tried to find something but soon enough you just decided for an apple since you didn’t feel like cooking.

“The manager decided to give us the week off!” It was evident on his voice that he was really excited. He has missed you quite a lot and he just wanted to shower you with love.

“That’s amazing! Will you be coming here?” You were ecstatic.

“You see.. about that.” Your face was immediately replaced by a scowl.

“Don’t bail on me bitch.”

An exaggerated gasp was heard from the other side. “I would never. How dare you think so lowly of me.” The bitch started fake crying and you just had to roll your eyes. You sat down to your couch and turned on the TV.

“Spill.”

“I was kinda maybe thinking we should I don’t know go out on a date or something.” He said acting all cute.

“Sure.”

“Sure? What do you mean sure?! I was so scared to ask you out on a date and you just answer with sure?? m/n Istg I’m gonna choke you when we see each other again.”

“Dude.” You sighed.”Weve been dating for almost a year. Weve had sex, yet youre still afraid of taking me out on a date? How does that make sense?”

“Fuck you m/n.”

“Sorry, I don’t feel like being a bottom right now.” You smirked.

“Bitch.” he breathed out.

“Back at you.”

There was a quietness that enveloped the both of you. The both of you having a sense of calmness listening to each others breaths was enough to make the both of you happy. 

With Minghao being an idol, the both of you rarely see eachother, so the lack of physical contact was compensated with listening to each other.

Many people found it weird that the couple would simply listen to each other breathe without a word spoken. Seungkwans mind could simply not comprehend why the couple did that. I mean you couldn’t really blame him, I mean Seungkwan never keeps his mouth shut while talking to Vernon.

The both of you liked it this way. Because sometimes, Silence speaks louder than words.

“So where are we going?” You said breaking the peaceful silence that the both of you established.

“Well I booked us a private area at that fancy restaurant by the bay.”

“Nice Ive always wanted to go there. Apparently their lobsters are amazing.”

“I booked us at 9pm so we have to go there at around 8:30.“

You turned around to look at the clock.

“Its like 9am right now. We still have a lot of time, you should come here. I miss you.”

“Ill be there at around 10 ok?”

“Sure”

And with that you ended the call. 10 am is still quite a long way to go so you started to busy yourself with cooking the both of you Brunch.

Just as you finished preparing your meal the door bell rang and you opened it only to be jumped on by Minghao. The both of you stumbled on the floor but he didn’t care and sat on your lap.

“I missed you so much baobei!!!” He said while peppering you with kisses all around your face. 

“Missed you too dude.” The kisses immediately stopped and he got off you.

“Seriously? I call you baobei and yet you call me dude?” He said while putting on a pouty face.

“Aww what a cutie my baby is.” You cooed trying to pinch his cheeks but he evaded and sat on your couch and continued pouting like a child.

You see that he just wants your attention so you went to the pouty Minghao, hugged him, and started to cuddle with him on the couch with him being the small spoon and you the big spoon. You missed his warmth, it was moments like this that made you all fluffy and you just want to protect this smol bean. You took a whiff of his cologne, the smell that had you fall for him.

“I’m not gonna talk to you until you give me a pet name other than dude.” He said through his pout.

You pulled him closer.

“What do you want me to call you?” You said while comfortably listening to his breathing.

Suddenly Minghao turned around to face you. The both of your breaths intermingled and you were starting to blush. His eyes bore deep into you, those eyes that you could stare at forever. His face always mesmerized you, he looked so aggressive and mean but in reality he was the sweetest thing you could ever meet. Your heart starts to beat faster as you thank the heavens above for giving you such a beautiful person.

“I want you to call me baobei.” He said in a whisper.

He leaned in and took your lips unto his. The kiss was sensual and slow, the both of you trying to savour each second. Your pace started to quicken as you change your position on top of him. He started to give himself to you and you start to assert dominance as you continue to travel lower to his collarbone. You stopped and looked at him.

He was utterly beautiful. With Minghao breathless and desperate you were just in awe at how amazing he looked. You kissed his lips once more.

“I don’t think Ill be able to call you baobei. Too much mouth work.” You  spoke as you sucked his collar bone and he releases a small moan in return.

“True.” He said breathless. “You should put that mouth somewhere else.” He said with a sly grin. You smirked in return and slowly unbuttoned his shirt.

“Lets continue this in my room.” You said suggestively.

“Gladly.” The both of you went upstairs and proved to each other how much you missed one another.

A/n: That’s it guys its finally done. My first drabble. Please tell me what you think about its my first time UwU. It was supposed to be fluff but it ended up quite steamy lol. But I honestly aint mad. Like it turned out quite good. Please support me \ ^o^ /.

Baobei means baby in chinese UwU.

[saportuh]

ok panic concert highlights

(plus some personal adventures)

this was the portland show on the 12th k

so it was a fuckin hour and a half drive bc where i fuckin live now is far away from everything i hate it anyway that sucked & i ran my phone down to 80 percent during said drive which proved problematic

we get there (me & my lil sis) & our dad drops us off & we run up & im bitching about how weird the fucking venue is (it’s normal, it’s just not what i’m used to - in vegas the venues were typically in the casino/resorts so you lined up inside the halls & sat against the walls & tourist-watched, in this venue u stood outside in a line???? ughhh)

so we approach the line & something happens, i’m gonna make a separate post about it because holy shit

befriended two excitable gay kids, maybe 8th or 9th grade?? & i was like woah i was u once. now im old & jaded. eugh. then they bailed on me so.

we got into the arena & were on the wrong fucking side so we had to JOG all the way AROUND THE WHOLE FUCKINGN PLACE UGH

THEN WE GOT IN & SAT IN THE WRONG SEATS so the guy next to me (dad w a thick accent, maybe ukranian?? it wasn’t russian but it was close) politely informed me & i was like fuck well until they get here we’ll stay, but i had anxiety so during an arizona song i pretended to go to the bathroom & came back to look for our actual seat, someone took it so i pussied out & went back, had hella anxiety about it, then before hayley the ppl showed up so we had to move & i had to kick some preps out of their seat & they called my lil sister a bitch ;-;

OK SO ONTO THE PERFORMERS

arizona was cute, gotta check them out... singer kept getting emotional & wiping his eyes, it was sweet, and he was hella feeling himself dancing & stuff lmaoo. idk em but im proud of them.

HAYLEYYYYYYYYYYY her dancing & drumming & outfit??? also all the lesbians/wlw getting crunk in the crowd was so damn good haha

ALSO shout out to hayley’s band, they were so cute??? the guitarist & her kept having moments & he seemed like a cool dude, & the girl on synths was so pretty omg??? & smiley i loved her. & the drummer, they were goin so hard i couldnt get a good look, but they had kewl hair

“if you don’t know anything about me, there’s one thing you should know: I LOVE GIRLS” there was so much gay energy at that show i was teary the whole damn time

k confession, i love everything about hayley but i find her voice a little grating on the ears, something about it, but it was super angelic live & didn’t bug me once, & wanna be missed fucked me up cuz it’s my fucking f a v

SHE DID THE DRUMMY IT WAS HOT 

her oufit was so damn iconic rlly tho, the pants & shoes totes fit her but wouldn't look good on anyone else, but that shirt, the hot dad look w the open v & all the jewelry, holy fuck that’s how im tryna be

during girls like girls, everyone had their lights out & there was a bunch of pride flags out, and i got this gorgeous shot of a gay pride flag illuminated by lights (i posted it)

most of the songs they played between the breaks were gay themed too which was powerful dude i was so damn emotional

then during the countdown to panic, they played the next episode by dre (the “smoke weed every day” song) & then africa by toto jsfndjfndjskfnjdk

THEN PANIC CAME OUT 

WHOLE ASS STRING & BRASS SECTION BDEN RLLY WENT THERE WOAH

KENNY & NICOLE WERE SO CUTE THE WHOLE TIME THEY KEPT GOOFING AROUND ESPECIALLY KENNY IT WAS ADORABLE

THEN BREB POPPED OUT THE DAMN FLOOR

ok several things about breb

one, i never was heavy into panic, but considering how obsessive i was into bandom a few years back, i still know a lot about early panic, livejournal shit, ryden bullshit, etc, so it was really weird being there with normies who were just like “he’s hot & sings good” when i was like “yall lucky fucks never heard of myrtle beach ” dsjfnjsdnfds

two, four years into panic & i never was attracted to brendon, but dude, EVERYONE fell in love with him at this show, myself included, & i was starin at this bitch ass motherfucker in a trance before i was like “wait ur a bastard STOP U ENDEARING DICKWAD” he was so fucking endearing it was ANNOYING cuz i’ve seen some of the shit he’s pulled damnit. srsly tho, so absolutely charming, wow.

three, and what stuck with me most; brendon loves what he does. a little bit of exhibitionism, i think; he likes ppl looking at & admiring him, he’s that type of person, a showman, but also, i think he just loves making music, people singing along to the music, etc. ive been to eight concerts now, and i don’t think i’ve seen someone who clearly loved being on stage so much. a lot of ppl act like it’s a chore to tour, but brendon clearly loves it, and it made me happy, especially as an aspiring musician. 

four, the straighties drooling over him and the gays drooling over him was truly straight/gay solidarity

ok what else happened... brendon would throw in random ass high notes towards the ends of songs... my sister looked at me super alarmed when he first did it during dtmwagt lmfao... ppl would cheer & it was impressive, but kinda piercing & i was like “show off” lol

HE DID THE ‘I MAKE THESE HIGH HEELS WORK’ thing, i thought he retired tht?? so i was pleased lmfao

i dont rmr anything that stands out about ready to go or la devotee but the lights & backgrounds during them were very pretty & i got some good pics of brebbois face (i finally got semi decent quality pics im rlly happy abt tht, concerts r so hard to photograph)

hallelujah was cool cuz there were, like, those catholic(?) church windows projected on the top part of the stage, it was pretty af, they rlly outdid themselves with the visuals

and mona lisa had like pipes & industrial stuff?? idk it looked dope, and it contrasted rlly cool it was super pretty

nine in the afternoon,,,, the only pretty odd song... i dont even like pretty odd but it was like,,, damn. & he had the piano, total live in denver vibes ;-; but he wasnt dripping sweat this time lmao

golden days, brebweenie knows hes hot, kept winking & doing mic flips & shit & i was like u fucken weenie ive seen that pic of u w a bowl cut in a bra, die

k he’s a fuckin bastard but hhe’s pretty & talented fuckin big ego bitch ... can yall tell i hav a lovehate relationship w him bc i do

I GOT THIS ONE PART ON VIDEO DURING GOLDEN DAYS WHERE KENNY & NICOLE R FUCKING AROUND & MAKING FACES & GOOFING IT’S SO CUTE

during casual affair in the chorus, the mic would echo each word (just lay (lay) in the atmosphere (sphere) & the ‘lay’ was rlly good on my ears idk sometimes certain vocal notes sound GOOD & that was one i keep replaying it

SO VEGAS LIGHTS as yall kno i was born & raised in vegas & a vegasfucker69 it’s my fucking home i moved last november (not my choice) & miss it violently & i was CRYING during vegas lights hard & it was so beautiful im gonna watch the video i got over & over & over that song means so much to me IM SO FUCKING HOMESICK

speaking of which, im pretty bitter i didnt see panic in vegas, this was my first panic show & that kinda bothers me, like i should’ve seen them in vegas a few yrs ago but it never worked out.... still, im grateful i saw them at all & im glad i saw the song live. i had my fob snapback on too, it says ‘las vegas’ on it cuz i got it there haha, wore that on purpose

he did the fucking running man thing towards the end & everyone cheered & i was like dONT ENABLE HIM

sat down during dancing’s not a crime cuz im a bitch who doesn’t like half the new record & also my knees hurt cuz im old apparently, anyway this chick glared at me then sang every word wat a fuckin prep lmao

o yah i forgot, in golden days he got in the crowd & let a girl sing the last chorus it was amazing i bet that made her life

AND DURING DOAB HE WALKED THRU THE CROWD that was SO FUCKING ENDEARING i was like “wow what a guy” then i was like “HE��S A BITCH U KNOW HIM” & i was like “hmm??? what a guy” but omg he made so many people happy it was really beautiful & sweet & i was like... half in love & then i came to my senses jksjfhjsdhfkjsdn

RLLY THO HE WALKED THRU THE CROWD & HIGH FIVED PPL & SHIT & GAVE HUGS & TOOK ART/LETTERS IT WAS SO DAMN GOOD HE WAS SO SWEET & LEGIT EVERYONE WAS FALLING FOR HIM & I WAS LIKE SUFFERING

legit guys, like it’s weird i used to watch his parascopes in 2015 or w/e & he’d say some Bad shit on there sometimes, like ik he does some messy shit BUT HE ACTED SO FUCKING LOVELY BLEH

also he’s very short, like he’s 2 inches taller than me but he looked so little in the crowd i was like... aw

the piano thing ;-; it was rlly pretty but my paranoia & anxiety was off the charts i was like that things gonna fucking fall & crush the crowd it’s gonna fucking fALL but it didnt ofc but i was stressed bleghh

but ok on a positive note, that was soo fucken lovely, bden stopped to try to make eye contact with as many ppl in as many places of possible, like he made the effort to get to everyone & make them have a special moment & it was ... magical ok thts fucken cliche as shit but it rlly was

ok i did smth lowkey embarrassing, i doubt he saw, but when he faced towards us i was just overwhelmed w like.. gratitude?? ive had a bad 2 years in every way, so being somewhere filled with love & fun & kindness & joy & all around good vibes, i was so grateful? i just wanted to thank him for creating that kinda atmosphere. so i like,,, blew kisses but not in a weird way, like later i was like oh that was kinda weird whyd i do that, but at that moment i didnt use my head & it was jus my instinctual way of saying thank u idk it’s lame but it happened so there ya go idfk

fun fact, my vid of it is out of focus cuz i was so enamored watching him & watching the crowd react it was pretty fucking magical it rlly was

once he got down from that piano he went “wow i feel so fucking inspired now” & i was like “bitch me too tf” 

legit it was absolutely indescribable, even watching my vid now.... wow. and u can hear me lightly crying in the back of my video too lmao, and i was shaking p hard, it was so fucking magical. like im getting emotional rn cuz it was exactly what i needed to remind myself that there is good stuff in the world thats worth staying for. 

i never was super big on panic or breb like i said but if i ever meet him im gonna thank him bc that. wow. transformative.

also that transition from the piano cover he did to dying in la was smooth af. it was all around gorgeous.

OK GIRLS GIRLS BOYS, I WAS SO CONCERNED W FILMING I COULDNT PUT MY LIGHT ON (i had a red heart) BUT OMG

he got a bi flag first, then a rainbow one, then another rainbow one... one was those hayley ones lol, and one ended up on the stage out of his eyesight & he never saw it & i felt so bad fjdnfds

G-D ALL THE GAYS SINGING WAS SO EMOTIONAL & THE RAINBOW BEHIND THEM ON STAGE (AND PAN FLAG COLORS AT TIMES?!??!?!)) IT WAS FUCKING MAGICAL & BRENDON LET A FLAG DRIFT IN THE WIND FOR A SEC BEFORE HE PUT IT ON IT WAS GORGEOUS

AND ALL THE RAINBOW LIGHTS IN THE CROWD FUCK DUDE

breb might be a turd but he’s the only one of these emo dudes who parades around draped in flags & so aggressively empowers gay fans through it, and for that, i respect him. ik the song has more perverse origins but now it’s a bi anthem that rlly connects w lgbt fans & it’s rlly beautiful, AND i got another gorgeous shot of a pride flag surrounded by lights & im just. wow.

after, breb said “that is gorgeous btw” about the rainbow lights, and “thank u for participating in love” & giggled, i got this shot of the lights in the dark lookin incredible ;-;

also said “this a record number of flags tonight, very cool” so portland is rlly gay apparently, kewl

nicole doin the nicotine bass line slayed me dead wowie u can hear me go “WOO” on the vid lmfao (im a bassist so i lov her double)

ive seen miss jackson live twice now cuz at my monumentour show, new politics brought lolo out to cover it so that’s dope lmfao

anyway bden did the fuckin valley girl voice for “the scenery is so loud” which was delightful

he had us do the ‘ayyyy’ bit woo

NICOLES BASS,,, SPARKLY

drum thingy ;-; speaking of monumentour, andy & patrick famously did a drum off & i MISSED IT cuz the stage at my venue wasnt large enough to fit both sets ;-; so they didnt do it ;-; but bden doin his own drum solo kinda made up for it a little bit

fuckin show off tho he played like 3 instruments & i was like u bitch stop

there was some kinda audio sample that went “i got a fever & the only prescription is more caffeine(?)” & bden mouthed the words along, and some girl behind me went “SAME” 

UPDATE: googled it, i knew i recognized chris walken’s voice, he says cowbell not caffeine & it’s a skit from snl that i’ve SEEN im a disgrace anyway that was fun also woo cowbell

the big screen kept cutting from bden drumming to a shot of the crowd & someone holding a pride flag & i was like yah drumming is gay now

lmao i only filmed like a minute of a song unless i rlly liked it so i could spend the rest of the song gettin funky right?? & i like king of the clouds but not a ton, but i filmed the whole thing cuz the visuals were so pretty lmfaooo i jus was staring at them like wowwww prettyyyyy

during the ‘i dont feel anything at all’ he looked rlly sad & i couldnt tell if it was genuine or if he was goin for like a pouty look djfdsjfndjks then right after he winked so ig pouty thx breb

at some point he introduced nicole&kenny plus the strings & brass ppl as “his friends” it was sweet & he was like “these lovely ladies” about the strings & “these handsome men” about the brass & i was like WOO GAY RIGHTS

FIRE DURIN CRAZY EQUALS GENIUS. BOZ FLASHBACKS. FIRE ON MY FACE HUNDREDS OF FEET AWAY. FEAR. DONT LIKE FIRE. SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION. KENNY WAS TOO CLOSE. FEAR.

a whole arena singing bohemian rhapsody 25+ years after freddie mercury’s death was Incredible, i dont believe in afterlives but if there is one i hope he was watching & enjoying & knowing his legacy was staying alive bc wow that was powerful

THE END WAS CRUNK AF HOLY SHIT BDEN GOT DOWN

i cant believe i remember the day emperors came out like,,,, jeez. so lit live tho

I HAVENT MENTIONED HIS SPARKLY SUIT YET. KING OF SPARKLY SUITS

BRENDON DOIN HIS HIGH NOTE BIT & THE STAGE LIGHTING UP FULLY ON FIRE FUCK DUDE

bitchden took his shirt off when he came out for the encore..... bitch

SINS,,, FUCK DUDE,,,, MY CHILDHOOD WAS CRYING HHYSTERICALLYYY, 

in the background of my vid u can hear me do the ‘ily’ ‘ily’ from the mv emo ass

my lil sis got fucken turnt to sins lmfaooo??? danced her ass off???

us: W H O R E bden: ily

VIOLINISTS GETTIN WILD TOO

they played footage of the music vid & breb & his fuckin iconic outfit & i was a lil emo kid again omg i cant believe i saw it live

he did funny voice durin calls for a toast nerd ... least he’s not entirely bitter abt songs ryan wrote anymore tho lmao... or maybe he is considering theres only two on the 30 song setlist ;-;

i gotta listen to afycso again damn it’s so iconic

oh yah at some bit he said “ive been doing this for 14 years, im 31 now” & it reminded me like.. most of these emo bands, they started so young. & got successful at such a young age. it’s so crazy. idk. wow. 

he got growly during the chorus, that’s pstump’s thing beeb dont steal it lmao

CONFETTI fitting ending, & i got him walking off which is cool, other bands it goes dark & they just kinda disappear & it’s unsatisfying ;-;

so yah i finally saw breadman live, i got 400 pics and 30 videos so that all got spam posted over the last few days lmao

[rogue-rook]

some highlights from Story and Song from an all-caught-up-now TAZ listener (spoilers abound)

hot damn yall

i gotta feeling everybody’s coming back for this finale

oh god taako just realized he found his sister’s fucking SKELETAL REMAINS

griffin: “taako and merle, make a dexterity saving throw" justin: “hell yeah, dungeons and dragons is back!” griffin: “we’re back and we’re rolling dice that have 20 sides on them. it’s got 20 sides and 20 numbers, its great”

griffin: “the third figure is a fucking rhinoceros” magnus: “DIBS!”

the fact that angus is an 11 year old child and totally DOWN TO FIGHT just reinforces that i was right to make him my favorite npc

hell yeah we’re back to DND fights! they like rolled for initiative and everything

justin, after talking about taako’s leveling up: “should i talk slower so everybody who’s been complaining about us not playing dnd has time to nut. how’s everyone enjoying this GREAT COMPELLING AUDIO”

griffin: “this hand is gonna attack you, taako, cuz you just set it on fire”

magnus: “i jump on the back of the rhinoceros” griffin: “of COURSE you do”

taako: "hey magnus that was the coolest thing ive ever seen…HANDS DOWN!“ get it cuz they found a giant magical hand…GETIT?!

ango used the umbra staff to cast a fireball way above what ango should be able to do and im like hot damn i love this fucking umbrella

taako: “i snap the umbra staff over my knee” HOLY SHIT YALL!! ITS HAPPENING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LUP LUP LUP LUP ITS LUP ITS LUP ITS MY DAUGHTER SHE’S HERRREEEEEEE

“lup grits her teeth and says ‘I’m going to fucking kill you now’“ MY GIRL!!!!! THATS MY GIRL!!!”

PHANTASMAL AND RESPLENDENT

“YOU’RE DATING THE GRIM REAPER???” I LOVE HER SO GODDAMN MUCH

lup: “why didn’t you let me out sooner, dingus?” taako: “i didn’t remember you existed, goofus” THEY’RE SO ADORABLE

taako: “don’t worry, I’ve got MAGIC POWERS” magnus: “is that supposed to be a big reveal?”

the love between magnus and fisher is one of my favorite bonds of this whole show

everyone banding together to fight the big bad is one of my favorite tropes ever (what’s up pacific rim) so that everyone is doing that here is INCREDIBLE

magnus: “i use my levitation magic” griffin: “oh im sorry, did you say you take the elevator? the skype call broke up for a second there”

griffin: “magnus, something falls from the sky” magnus: “i catch it” griffin: “no you don’t, it’s pretty big”

i’m so glad that griffin is committed to calling killian, carey fangbattle, and noelle “Team Sweet Flipz”

lup: “here’s my idea, are you ready for it? it’s a banger”

griffin: “you remember that, taako, because your memory’s so good!”

griffin: “its upsy, your lifting friend” wait what. im sorry, what?????????

oh its lucas okay, cool. that moment got wayyyy too much Gravitas for it just to be the worst brand mascot EVER

YOOOOOO istus’s gift to taako, the item he could retrieve when he needed it most, has RETURNED TO THE STORY AND IM SO EXCITED BY THAT!!!

wait wait. is this RANDO the “man wreathed in flame”? THIS LITERAL RANDO??? THIS LITERAL RANDOM CHARACTER GRIFFIN HAS JUST INTRODUCED TO US NOW????

griffin has really genuinely lost track of the correct timeline of the events of this story and im like shit my dude, you and me both. ive only got most of it down

this john motherfucker is like almost tugging at my heartstrings but also im the embodiment of “cool motive still murder” bc im pretty sure this dude’s to blame

clint doesn’t remember jack shit about merle’s kids right now and in context, its like merle doesn’t even know how old his kids are. that’s BAD

griffin: “although this bear is in like Furious Nonsensical Monster Mode, you see, just faintly, you see it retract its claws as if to say ‘alright motherfucker, lets wrestle’”

magnus: “they’re not strong enough, I have to be” damn, talk about a Magnus Burnsides Thesis Statement

the fact that magnus is refusing to kill this monster mode Power Bear even though it’s being controlled by an eldritch nightmare is like. proof that magnus has a goddamn heart of gold. what a hero

magnus finds it in him to ask for help and avi comes crashing through the walls like “sup dude, need some help from Captain Handsome Hero?”

“no dogs on the moon!” AAHHHHHH IM SO EXCITED ABOUT THAT

taako: “i don’t know what tacos are. I’ve gotten hints, if you wanna call them taco prophecies. that’s a crazy thing to say out loud, but I just said it, so here we are, I guess, I’m talking at you through a frying pan, try to keep up Joaquin”

taako: “I’ll take one taco, extra destiny”

taako: “yeah, like I’m going to let myself be seen being taught how to cook anything, nice try”

taako: “so, a toast” joaquin: “no, its a taco….just a little food joke” taako: “very little”

istus: “huh, didn’t see that one coming” griffin: “across two universes, two food trucks explode” damn griffin

joaquin: “EVERYTHING’S GOING TO BE OKAY! I’VE GOT MAGIC POWERS!” DAMN! THAT’S A GOOD FUNNY PARALLEL

griffin: “kneeling at the center of town, is kravitz” OH GOOD! NOW WE’RE COOKING! NOW WE’VE GOT THE GOOD SHIT GOING!

i just gotta mention here that I love eldritch nightmares and cthulu-esque monsters, so this story’s eldritch nightmare that consumes everything in its path contrasted with a slowly-more-corrupted human avatar is MY JAM

merle: “i cast zone of truth!” travis: “TO WHAT END??”

griffin: “it is the most powerful holy spell you have ever cast” THAT’S A GOOD FINALE CALLBACK!!!!

HURLEY! AND SLOANE!!! THEY’RE BACK AND THEY’RE DRYADS!!!!!! THAT’S SO GOOD!!!!!!!!!! GRIFFIN!!! YOU BROUGHT THEM BACK!!!!!!!!!

griffin: “she turns back to lucas’s lab and she says ‘hero time’” NOELLE!!!!! NOELLE THAT WAS SO GOOD!!!

THIS TAAKO/KRAVITZ KISS IS SO GOOD!!!!!!!!! THEY’RE KISSING!!!! I LOVE THEM!!

kravitz: “i wanna warm up my face so it’s not weird” AWWWWW

THEY’RE SO IN LOVE! I LOVE THEM! THIS EPISODE IS SO GAY

lup: “what’s up ghost rider?” kravitz: “you know we’re going to have to talk about the fact that your sister’s a lich, right?” taako: “yeah…i assumed”

lup: “taako just summoned all the energy in our reality to come help us fight” magnus: “mmhmm. I fought a bear…when I say it like that, it doesn’t sound as good, does it?”

davenport: “lup did you find the starblaster?” lup: “oh i sorta… forgot we were supposed to be doing that”

taako: “we have basically been trolling it for 100 years..[..]..and i don’t know about you, but TAAKO’S GOOD OUT HERE”

lup: “lucretia, dear, I’ve already forgotten about the whole thing. OH! OH! bad choice of words!” lup you adorable asshole

lup: “please don’t die” taako: “i’d say the same but that ship done sailed, hasn’t it?”

MAGNUS GAVE ANGUS HIS KNIFE!!!!! THAT SHIT IS SOO GOOD!!!!!!!

taako: “i walk over to angus and say ‘hey cool knife, you know he’s got a sword that’s on fire, right? he did just give you a KNIFE’”

lup: “hear that, babe? we’re legends”

“there’s magic in a bard’s song” OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH SHIT!!!!!!!!!!

“YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE TO FIGHT! AND YOU’RE GOING TO WIN!”

magnus: “this is it? it’s just a guy!” taako: “yeah it’s one guy, shouldn’t be a problem”

clint: “you heal up to 700 hit points!” griffin: “BULLSHIT! WHAT???” clint: “divided evenly” justin: “okay well but you don’t have any 9th level spell slots…” clint: “then I will use Mathias the Living Grimoire!” awesome I’m so glad clint learned how to actually properly play dnd on this LAST EP

griffin: “I will say, you’re on a ship, there’s probably a mast or something for you to swing down from” wait what this is an actual ship??? i was picturing like the entreprise or something

griffin: “we’re playing a little calvinball with the design of the starblaster” oh okay cool yeah its like a spaceship, not a fucking 17th century pirate ship

my dudes you never leave your weapons buried in the dying bodies of your enemies bc if they bounce back, they got your weapon now

griffin: “john is up first” justin: “fuck” clint: “he’s still just john? he’s not Demi-john????” travis: “final john” more cross-mcelroy-product jokes!!!!

the grubby heroes healed by godly love, i bet some people are feeling some Stuff right now

taako: “hey i want everyone to meet a new friend of mine, this is Joaquin” griffin: “OH FUCK! YES YES YES YES!!!”

joaquin: “thanks for the wizard powers, I’ve killed like a hundred of these things!”

griffin: “oh fuck I thought you were going to summon ME!!!”

hot damn clint REMEMBERED his gift from istus and fucking used it!!!!!!!!!

taako used the immovable rod!!!!! im so proud of them for remembering AND using all their items!!!!

taako: “i gotta be with lup” oh that’s so fucking sweet

angus: “hey everybody, johann was right! WE WON!” cool im crying a little bit, no big deal

LUP GOT HER BODY BACK! LUP GOT HER BODY BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

griffin: “how does magnus die?” hey fuck off griffy i don’t want this

magnus being reunited with julia is making me cry significantly now

they got their happy endings, everybody got their happy endings, and I’m so happy

I am SO glad and grateful I got caught up in time for this fucking heartwrenching sweet finale

[revenge-goth]

addiction: a life update

so im gonna post an update on my life. not that yall want it or will even read it but i really need this rn soo. also theres a lot im not gonna iclude bc i wanna talk about addiction. theres a lot to be said about gow i used sex as a coping mechanism, my relapses with self harm, and my journey w medications and mental illness. ill save that for another time. also huge trigger warning for addiction, rape, and suicide.

----------

i started drinking back around 2013 when i was 15. from there, i became a high functioning alcoholic for the next three years. i would always start my day drinking, always took tumblers w alcohol to school. no one really noticed until around my senior year when it really started to become more of a problem due to having been in a really sexually abusive relationship. i did it to cope with everything. i was scared about the future since i never thought i was going to make it past 17 and my 18th birthday was slowly approaching. i was scared about college and growing up and what i wanted to do with my life. i remember being really drunk when receiving my awards and scholarships at a school district function. i remember i found it funny that a fuck up like me was representing my high school and seen as a really successful student while i was masking my drunken state.

by the time i went to college i was blowing through cash for alcohol, i stole from bars, i stole from frat guys. i lied a lot. i did a lot of stupid shit.

during this though, my following on twitter was growing steadily. my drunken thoughts and actions became peoples entertainment and was sensationalized by those around me. people would recognize me as sandia goth in public, people wanted to party w me, people wanted to hang w me, people loved that version of me.

in 2017 i started abusing pills after being raped at a party. i was really drunk when it happened and i dont really remember it. that night is one of those regrets i have to carry with me for the rest of my life. at first i would abuse sleeping meds. later on i started to abuse the fuck outta my antipsychotics. eventually i was prescribed ativan, a benzodiazepine, and that was the beginning of my downward spiral. i was constantly downing pills with a bottle of vodka every night. i was always really careless. i had it in my head that maybe taking all those pills and drinking would eventually end up killing me and that one night i just wouldnt make it home. i dont remember a lot from that period in my life. i remember vague things like stading out on my dorms balcony while all the color around me was extremely saturated and everything was shiny. i remember waking up after a really bad bender in my own vomit. i remember how disappointed my sister was. i remember staring at the bathroom floor.

i hit rock bottom that december, i had tried to commit suicide multiple times in my life but this time i felt like it was a lot more real and a lot more final. it didnt happen though. i dont remember christmas and in my drunken state i lost the christmas present my sister was so excited about giving me. looking back at pictures you could tell that i wasnt there at all and that my family was taking notice.

in january 2018 i checked myself into an inpatient hospital to get sober. i was terrified. i showed up to the hospital intoxicated. they ask you a lot of questions when you come in and i remember talking about everything and just laughing about it. the assessor was really creeped out. they made me sleep it off in a waiting room before they let me into the unit.

it helped a lot and i met a lot of people i wont ever forget. it was kind of weird being the youngest there and group was rough. i remember staying in my room and not being able to go eat because my heartrate was at 52 and i felt actually dead. the withdrawal process was really difficult and staying off was even harder. the first thing i did when i was discharged was drink a whole lot, get high, and had my friends drive me across half of the valley going 90 on the freeway while blasting lcd soundsystem with the windows down at 3 am.

after that i decided that it was time to really stop. my parents had cleared out the liquor cabinet and moved me to a room downstairs with no lock where they could keep an eye on me. they found my stash and threw it out. i also started smoking a lot of fuckin cigarettes. i was sober for about 5 months.

i started drinking again but just socially. a healthy amount. i was good except for a few hiccups here and there until march 2019 when i was raped, again, at another party. i was sober this time which really fucked me up. i remember everything and still have nightmares about it. i started abusing medications again and smoking a lot of weed. i was high for about three weeks before i became suicidal and called the cops on myself so i could be hospitalized. i would end up being hospitalized for two weeks. when i got out i started snorting ambien (which is fuckin wack and i dont recommend). that landed me back in the hospital two weeks later. i would be hospitalized two more times before being stable enough to not have someone taking care of me 24/7.

and we come to now. last week i relapsed. i got really sick though bc the wine i drank was spolied. it really scared me though because i thought my braincells were dying because of all the pills i had snorted (i literally thought this) but it was just the wine. it kind of scared me back to my senses though that that path is not the fuckin way to go.

ive recently gotten back to the things i love: music and art. i reopened my tumblr acct, found my sketchbooks from high school and dug up my old music. doing all of this, including doing a lot of research on my old icon gerard way, watching life on the murder scene and crying because ive been there, and seeing frank iero live, has (as ridiculous as it may sound to most that someone you look up to can be a saving force) made me consider getting clean for 2020. for real this time.

sometimes i miss her. the sadia goth everyine loved and looked up to. i lost a lot of friends when i got sober and even more followers. thats not important in the grand scheme of things, it was an empty sense of validation for me. whats truly important is that im not her anymore. im me. addiction prone, mentally ill, over medicated, lonely, sad, artistic, gives no shits, emo trash, goth icon, uses way too many gerard way references, astrology loving, empathetic to a fault, me.

i know that this is something im going to struggle with for the rest of my life, but i really want to go forward knowing that im trying my hardest and giving it my best shot. this is possibly my hardest feat, my biggest challenge in life, but im trynna make it and ill sure as fuck never let it take me alive.

xoxo,

-sandia goth

(alondra)

[i-want-to-be-manhandled]

more trans ramblings (tramblings?) - to T or not to T, that is the question

so i’m writing this so i have some thoughts to show my therapist next week instead of scouring my brain for them but im posting it on the internet instead of keeping it in a word document or some shit cause i need some of y’all to relate and i’m already way too personal on here anyways. and also at this point this is my personal blog too, i’ve given up entirely on keeping it just for video games. tl;dr: please tell me i am not the only one with stupid amounts of doubt going against the stupid amounts of evidence that i am very transgender. 

tw: long post, doubts, testosterone/hrt effects discussed in detail, (don’t read this if you know me irl and haven’t personally talked with me about being trans? otherwise go ahead), nsfw cause we’re talking about genitals but mostly towards the end of the second to last paragraph (i’ll strike the nsfw stuff), mention of rape but no discussion of it happening, lemme know if i missed anything

so as my last transpost said im very excited for my hysto that im nowhere near getting but im flip-flopping as to whether or not i want to go on t. i know i can get it fairly quickly if i decide i do want it. there’s a trans health clinic in walking distance from where i am moving in 23 days, i have 3 therapists who will write me a letter of recommendation for testosterone, and my mother even found me the trans health clinic so she’ll try to find me somewhere else to go if they don’t take me in for some reason. (having a supportive mom is great i don’t miss her crying about how hard it is to have a trans kid in january and february.) and i’ve looked thoroughly at the effects of testosterone and have sorted them into pros, neutrals, and cons. (posting it here again mostly bc i need to do it but i also need some of yall to relate and/or validate me and/or answer my weird questions)

pros:

voice drop. im so tired of having a squeaky voice which is exacerbated by me always being anxious, and my sister has a deeper voice than me and always tries to sing ridiculously low parts to stretch it for some reason which makes me feel insecure. and apparently my voice is “always squeaky” according to my dad and like? shit man i pass until i talk that’s just the tea. 

i dont even care if i have a super deep voice, i actually think i’d rather be a solid tenor because that’s the vocal range of most of my favorite songs, but i want to sound like a man when i talk and not an 8 year old girl

side note apparently a lot of trans guys have male “internal voices” but mine just sounds like how i sound when i talk because i’m a very literal person and that’s why it took me forever to figure out i was trans and not having a male internal voice makes me dysphoric sometimes and even doubt that i’m trans at all... that’s dumb af i know it’s just my literal personality type not me actually being a girl

more muscle. i dont work out as it is right now but if i knew i’d see results the way i want them then i probably would. also im getting ripped during the school year anyways bc i walk everywhere with a 15-20 pound backpack strapped to me so i’m at least gonna look semi muscular which is what i want anyways. please give me strength quite literally i can barely lift bro

bottom growth. ik it’s still not going to be ~enough~ or whatever but i’d have... something? that would be nice. 

side note would packers start to be uncomfortable with something there bc i wonder about that sometimes. not that mine is super uncomfortable now or anything (i just haven’t figured out how to make it sit right) but i wonder about that

NO PERIODS NO PERIODS NO PERIODS NO PERIODS NO PERIODS

if im one of those guys whose periods dont stop on t i am actually going to perform a hysto on myself

fat shifting from hips, thighs and butt to my stomach. i don’t care if i have stomach chub or not, but i DO care that my hips are Like That and my things are Really Girly and i have a fucking Girl Butt TM like please just let me Not Have These Problems

having a more angular face. doesn’t happen to everyone per se but because of my facial structure as it is and also what my dad looked like when he was my age, i probably will get this change. i have actively wished for this since i was 13 and didn’t even know dysphoria was a word. hopefully it makes my lips a little thinner too or at least more masculine.

veins becoming more prominent. i have this one pic of me where it looks like i have Guy Arms and i just wanna look like that all the time ya know

lookin like a dude and passing? that counts right

neutrals:

facial hair. i know a lot of trans guys want this but i’ve never wanted one. i just want a jawline to cut a bitch tbh i’m never having more than stubble except the beard imma wear to my high school reunion

body hair. this is more of a pro-neutral ig bc i want it on my arms and legs but would prefer not to have a lot on my chest and stomach. fortunately i dont think my dad has a whole lot but i’m a pretty hairy afab person as it is i just dont wanna be a werewolf lmao

hair loss at temples. i just don’t care about my hairline enough for this to really bother me. maybe i will when it happens but *shrug*

scents of sweat/bo/urine changing? idk i feel like it will be weird, maybe gross if it turns out bad but honestly i don’t really care what i smell like as long as i don’t smell like a dumpster fire? i shower it’s fine lmao

rougher skin? i dont know if i’d like having rougher skin but i also dont like being an uwu soft boi so

acne. nobody wants it but like... i already have stress-acne right now and don’t really give a shit because i hate how my face looks anyways. not that i want a fuckton of acne because nobody does but im not gonna cry myself to sleep over it ya feel? it’s an annoyance but not really a con

cons:

increase in sex drive. not to be nsfw but masturbating is a chore as it is. it hasn’t been fun since i realized i had crippling bottom dysphoria and even then i can’t get off unless i’m completely distracted from my body (either through porn or being too tired to care). also i have like a 2% chance of ever having a partner so i really dont wanna have to deal with having the sex drive of a 12 year old boy when im 19, single, depressed, and dysphoric. im not even asexual but this is the worst con

emotional changes. yall know at this point i dont have the best temper, and i dont want t to exacerbate that. now, some of my friends have said that t has made them much calmer and actually less irritable, but the rest of my friends said t makes them angry. i have poor anger management and i know it. i don’t need it made worse. it’ll fuck my life up for real

increase in appetite. listen i have gastritis, ibs and acid reflux i cannot afford to be needing to eat more than i currently do

so as yall can see i have a fair number of all 3: 8 pros, 6 neutrals, and 3 cons. and what’s more, all of the cons are things that don’t have anything to do with my appearance (which my therapist and i noticed during our session a couple weeks ago and really made me think i should go on t). so then the answer should be clear: i should go on t, right? deal with having a fucked high sex drive and be pissed off because of it but finally be able to see my reflection in the mirror. so it should be obvious. what the hell am i waiting for?

the main reason i’m hesitant is i’m afraid i’ll want to detransition. even though i KNOW it rarely happens and the women who do thought they were trans because of unaddressed traumas relating to being female or have a personality disorder. i have neither of those things: the only female-related trauma i have is being slut shamed by my mom for wearing tank tops and any shirt that wasn’t a crew neck and one guy saying he’d rape me in 9th grade because he thought rape and sex were the same thing (for his sake i hope he’s grown the fuck up!! i’m not traumatized from this i just made my teacher not let him sit next to me in class and told him to stop talking to me. sadly this is the most sexual attention i’ve ever gotten), and the only mental illnesses i have are depression and anxiety (unless we’re counting dysphoria, which i definitely have). i also sometimes feel like i discovered it too late: i didn’t say “i’m not a girl” until i was 14, refused to explore my gender until i was 17, and didn’t fully accept i was trans until i was 18. and other dumb shit: i never tried to pee standing up so im not really trans even though i didn’t know what a penis was until i was like 9, ive caught myself twice recently wishing for longer hair which made me feel feminine and gross and dysphoric (even though i know hair length =/= gender??), and im not in danger of suicide if i don’t get testosterone and top surgery RiGhT nOw. the prospect of me detransitioning isn’t likely, when you look at all the facts, but the prospect makes me anxious because everything makes me anxious. i am the poster boy for anxiety. and yes, i know i would have said that even when i accepted that i was technically the poster girl but i would have said poster boy anyways because it was “gender neutral” and didn’t rub me the wrong way like poster girl would have. same reason i insisted on being a dude instead of dudette and only described myself with words that didn’t have a female equivalent in french class even if it wasn’t true. so what the hell am i waiting for.

like i know i shouldn’t be doubting at this point because it’s so, so obvious that i’m trans. just because i didn’t try to pee standing up when i was little or ask why i didn’t have a penis doesn’t mean i’m not a guy. i logically know this. like when i was 11 and i insisted to myself i had a male brain but knew i shouldn’t say that out loud because that was weird and i wanted to be a normal girl who didn’t have a weird male brain, and when i was 7 and at my friend sarah’s house and her room was super pink and girly and i literally thought the sentence “is this what i’m supposed to be like?” and when i was 14 and cut my hair into the Typical Queer Girl Pixie Cut and my hair was just??? gone like i wanted it to be when i was 9 and ended up with a bowl cut instead, and instead of looking in the mirror and thinking i looked like an owl when i was 9 i smiled at how “androgynous” (masculine) i looked, and when i was 11 and only hung out with boys at summer camp and they treated me like one of them and the girls were really mean to me but it was the best summer i’d ever had, and when i was 15 and my friend chris joked that i was the “guy” in my lesbian relationship and i was so fucking happy, and when i was 15 and starving myself because i loved my “angular” figure and jaw,  and when i was 16 and wearing a dress to winter formal because my ex met me in one and i wanted to be cute for him but i picked the dress that looked like a suit because it looked very “queer” (masculine), and when i was 14 and literally went “hmmm im gonna bind my chest just because i wanna know what it would look like” and it made me so euphoric and i knew in that instant i wasn’t a girl but repressed it for 3+ years because dealing with it would just be too hard, and when i was 11 and knew it was going to be my last day going to school without a bra on and just being so ashamed even though i wanted breasts so i’d be a normal girl, and when i was 16 and wearing that backwards snapback all the time and my friend said it was what tops did and i was so happy that nobody would consider me a bottom or whatever stupid shit because i couldn’t imagine myself being penetrated ever in my cisgender gay life, and when i was 16-17 and scouring the lesbian section of pornhub for pov/strap-on videos bc i wanted to know what it would look like to fuck a girl with a dick without watching straight porn because i’m 100% a gay female because the word lesbian is too girly im not a trans guy or anything haha, and when i was 14-and-onwards wondering why it felt so empty between my legs and why it felt like i was supposed to have a dick lmao im totally a girl though haha, and when i was 15 and had to google how to masturbate bc i couldn’t figure it out naturally and still felt like i was doing it wrong, and when i was 15 and looked at my vagina in the pocket mirror i got from selling like 30 boxes of girl scout cookies in 2007 and my first thought was “that is not my body,” and when i was 16 and actually very upset that i couldn’t ejaculate when i orgasmed. trans who? what the fucking hell am i waiting for

seriously. i was 7 and looking at my 2nd grade yearbook photo thinking “that doesn’t look like me,” and i was 13 and looking in the mirror saying “that doesn’t look like me,” and i went through all of my adolescence waiting for “puberty to turn me into a girl” and then i was 17 and done with puberty and crying because my body was still wrong. i can’t believe how hard i tried throughout my whole adolescence to be some facet of “normal girl” so i wouldn’t get bullied and be dateless forever and thinking “puberty hasn’t turned me into a girl yet” and not stopping to think about what i was if i wasn’t a girl until puberty was done, i realized it wasn’t going to happen, and it was too damn late for me. now i’m 19 and don’t leave the house without either a binder or a sports bra/baggy layers combo and i’d wear my packer everywhere if i could figure out how to get it to sit right (and also get it past my parents lmao).  like if anyone else rattled off that list of trans shit i wouldn’t question them for a second. but because it’s me and i’m like “what if i’m transwashing my memories? what if i’m gaslighting myself?” i’m still not on testosterone and please validate me. tell me other trans people doubt themselves, no matter how obvious it is that they’re trans. tell me it’s okay to doubt hrt, even though you know it will be so much more likely to help you. tell me it’s okay to be afraid of detransitioning, even though it’s okay if i DO decide to detransition and it’s so unlikely anyways considering all the evidence of Me Not Being A Fucking Girl.

if you read this all the way to the end here’s an awkward hug and some brain bleach im not even drunk or high i can’t even blame substances for this behavior 

[cryinggameff]

Fifty five

Randi

Taking care of Cayden the past week was extremely trying. It was truly like taking care of a child. He refused to take his medication, or stay in bed like he was supposed to. I had put my life on hold to be here for him but it seemed I was wasting my time.

“Where are you going?” I asked him when he came down the stairs holding his car keys.

“To see Ty then go to work,” he said. He had been going to see Ty everyday since he woke up which was nice but this whole going to work thing I didn’t approve of which he knew.

“Whatever Cay, I’m going back to work today anyway too. I’m sick of trying to take care of you when you not taking care of yourself.” I looked up from my laptop.

“I told you I’m fine. Go back to work,” he said, heading for the door. I let him go and continued checking all my emails from when we were away and the last week. It felt surreal that we were on a honeymoon a couple weeks ago because of how it had ended. We went from being so ridiculously happy, to this. I just wanted things to get back to normal.

I got in my car and started driving to the salon. Cole called me while I was on the way.

“Hi darling, how are you doing?” I asked.

“I’m doing aight, busy with graduation stuff,” he said.

“Are you excited? We all gonna be there cheering you on,” I assured him.

“I hadn’t realized how close the day was because I was focused on Ty. But he good now, he’s back home.”

“Cay just went to go see him actually. I’m so glad everyone’s alright now. We’ve all been through a lot.”

“Ain’t that the truth,” he mumbled.

“I’m heading into the Salon right now,” i said, turning off my engine. “Do you mind if I call you back later, I have a lot of paper work to do.”

“Yeah call me later,” he said, then we hung up. I grabbed my bag and got out of the car.

“Hey girl,” Jada said as I walked in. “How you doing?”

“I’m good,” I said. “Yall been busy already?” I looked around at all the occupied chairs.

“Thats Grad season for you,” China said, painting some lady’s nails.

“I guess,” I sat at the desk by the register.

“How is Cayden by the way,” she asked.

“He’s alright. He’s working again so, I guess he’s feeling ok. Not that he really talks to me about how he’s feeling,” I mumbled the last part.

“He’s going through a lot, give him a break,” Jada said.

“I’m trying but he’s driving me a little insane. I just need to work, distract myself.”

“Well there’s plenty for you to do. We been drowning in paper work without you,” China chimmed. I looked at the table over flowing with receipts, bills, invoices and other stuff. I shook my head. They hadn’t even tried to organize to make things easier for me. This would keep me busy for a couple of hours though.

When the afternoon rolled around things slowed for a little bit and we took a break from working to catch up.

“I tell you guys I’m planning on redecorating the house?” I said, pulling up the pictures I had saved on my computer.

“Like a reno?” Jada asked.

“Not like tearing down walls or anything. Just some new appliances, and new furniture, all that.”

“I’m here for it. The house could use your touch. It is a family home now after all…” China said, winking at me.

“Chill,” I said. “I have pictures, look.”

“I like it. It’s so modern,” Jada said.m, pressing the next button on my key board. “Ohhhh the bedroom. Sexy.”

I heard the doorbell chime and I looked up to see who the client was and prepared to go greet them. But to my surprise Cayden stood at the door and started to walk towards my desk. I smiled and laughed lightly wondering what he was doing here. He then pulled his arm from behind his back and held out a bouquet of flowers.

“For my beautiful wife,” he said. The girls giggled and said ‘awe’. I looked him over, his flowers in one hand, the sling on his other arm, and the charming smile on his lips. I couldn’t let any words out, speechless for once. He handed me the flowers and I took them slowly, smiling. I couldn’t clear the lump in my throat. “I’ve been thinking about you all day. You know your mom called me,” he started, coming around to sit at my chair. “She’s a funny one. She said she wants to go over photos from the wedding with you. Anyway, I came to see if you want lunch,” he finished. He waited, looking at me expectantly. “Well?”

“Yeah…” I said. “I want lunch,” I said, surprised that he didn’t even know he had just swept me off my feet.

“Well hurry up then. Why you just standing there?” He said, touching things on my table.

“No reason. Give me a minute.

We sat in the restaurant waiting for our food to arrive.

“Why are you being nice?” I finally asked him, narrowing my eyes suspiciously. He gave me a mean mug.

“Just be happy and eat yo food,” he said. I rolled my eyes. The waiter came with our curry and rice then. I started eating and Cayden paused, watching me. “I felt bad for going off the past week,” he said finally.

“It’s ok. I know you were going through a lot,” I said. “But you know, if you talked to me about how you feeling you wouldn’t get so angry.”

“I’m not good telling people shit,” he said.

“But it’s me. I’m not people, am i?” I said, frowning. He reached over and grabbed my chin.

“No, you’re not,” he leaned over to try and kiss me and winced in pain. “Fuck.”

“Be careful Cay,” I complained, instinctively reaching out to him. “Your stitches could come undone.”

“Fuck it. This thing is getting in the way of everything,” he said angrily. I could tell not being 100 percent himself was getting to him, he couldnt handle not being able to do whatever he wanted when he wanted.

“How about I’ll come and kiss you,” I suggested with a smile. He agreed and i leaned over to peck his lips. Even though he was driving me crazy i still tried to be patient with him like he was with me when i went crazy every once in a while. Plus that was my job as his wife, to take care of him.

Cole

I had been in a better mood the last few days because Ty was finally awake. It had been weighing on me worrying about him, so much so I couldn’t focus on this whole graduating thing. I didn’t care about that if Ty wasn’t good. But he had woken up, and I could focus a little bit more on planning my future. I hadn’t told anybody yet because of all the shit that had been happening, but in the last two weeks things had finally come through and I’d finally sealed a draft deal. It was last minute and really I was a replacement for another pick that fell through, but I was gonna play football for the Dallas cowboys.

I checked in at the nurses desk like I had been doing for the past few days, we knew each other by name at this point.

“Hey here Cole. How are you doing today?” She asked with a smile. I smiled back.

“I’m good Jackie. How’s Ty doing today?” I asked, signing in.

“He’s talking a lot today, so I think he’s feeling better,” she said.

“That’s good to hear. Thanks,” I said, then left the desk to go see Ty for myself. When I got in to the room he was talking with one of the nurses.

“Ey, Cole,” he said grinning. I smiled back.

“how you doin man, they still got you hooked to all these things?” i said, pointing to all the machines as i sat down in the chair beside the bed.

“Imma be out soon. Right nurse Brittany?” he said, smirking up at her. She blushed and grabbed her clipboard of the bed. I knew that smile. In the past Ty had given me that smile. He was flirting with her.

“Thats the plan,” she said. “I’ll be by later to check on you.” With that she left the room, leaving me and Ty alone.

“I appreciate you coming here everyday to see me,” he said, sitting up.

“yeah,” i mumbled.

“What?” he asked.

“Whatever man,” i said, getting up to leave. He grabbed my arm.

“why you all pissy?”

“The fuck you mean why am i pissy? i been here every fucking day and you busy flirting with nurses,” i said, loosing grip of my casual composure.

“Why do you care,” he mumbled, letting go of my arm.

“You know why i care!”

“Nah. You ended whatever was going on between us,” he said.

“Because i was sick of feeling like i was in the closet all over again just because you were confused about whether you were straight, gay, bi or whatever.”

“I was sick of you pressuring me,” he barked back. I sighed, running my hand over my face.

“I know, and i’m sorry about that,” i said regretfully. He didnt respond. “Look, when you got shot i regretted ending it the way we did. I didnt mean half the shit i said.”

“you mean about me not being your type?” he said, clearly still upset.

“clearly that’s not true Ty. You know how i felt about you. Still feel about you,” i said the last part silently.

“This is all still weird for me. Im not sure what i am. I just know, i have feelings for you deeper than just friends,” he looked at me then.

“It dont gotta have labels. We can just do us,” i said, grabbing his hand. He nodded. “Its weird for me too. Even though i been out for years ive only ever had casual hook ups. You the first nigga i ever…felt anything about.”

“its a first for both of us i guess,” he said.

“So imma take that as a yes to getting back.”

“aight,” he shrugged. Nonchalant as usual. I got up from my seat and moved in towards the bed. He leaned forward as i did and our lips lingered over each other’s before meeting for the first time in a long time.

After our little talk i hung around for a little while and we talked some more. We talked about my graduation and then i told him about the deal i signed, he was the first person to know. Not even my family knew. He said he was going to be out of the hospital next week just in time for the ceremony and the dinner that Randi was arranging for me. After that the nurse came back in and i decided i should leave to let him rest.

“Try not to flirt anymore,” i mumbled quietly. He chuckled and nodded.

“See you tomorrow?” he asked. I nodded and then left the room.

When i got to my car Randi called me and i answered using the cars bluetooth as i pulled out of the parking lot.

“Yo,” i said.

“Cole. I wanna talk to you about some things, come over,” she said.

“Now?”

“Yeah,” she said.

“Aight ill be there in a few,” i said, then hung up. I

When i got to Cayden and Randi’s place she was busy on the phone with somebody so Cayden let me in.

“What up my guy? How you doing,” he said, giving me a man hug.

“Im good cuh, you doing good? You the one who took bullets,” i said.

“Man, im good. I been through worse,” he shrugged. “Come in, im playing 2k. Grab a controller.”

We went into the living room and she tossed me a controller and we started playing. I almost had Cayden beat when Randi came in.

“Cayden stop stealing my friends,” she whined. I laughed.

“Cole been my nigga since highschool Randi,” he reminded her.

“Fuck you, Cole lets go,” she said. But i was really into the game. I looked at her reluctantly.

“Can i just finish?” i said. She huffed and plopped onto the sofa beside Cayden. He circled his arms around her and manoeuvred the controller in front of her.

“You’re loosing Cay,” she said.

“It’s part of my game, i always whoop his ass in the end. Dont i Cole?” Cayden said.I stuck my middle finger up at him. “Yo light the blunt in my pocket for me,” he said to Randi. 

She groaned and reached in his pocket, coming out with a blunt and a lighter. She lit the blunt a little to professionally which brought a smirk to my lips. She held it up to his mouth and he took a puff. I started thinking to myself, thats the kind of relationship i want with Ty. Maybe one day, when we were both in the right state of mind.

[hyunjins-bebe-blog]

Primadonna Girl - K.W.J. AU

You were a model reaching the peak of your career, when your darling daddy just announced that you’re getting married to Kim Woojin, the heir of his best friend’s company.

Genre: Businessman!AU/Fluff/Some light Angst

Pairing: Woojin x Female Reader

A/N: this is the last chapter guys!!! I’ so incredibly proud of myself,,, i finally finished a freaking story!!! I have so many drafts on my laptop, and i just never seemed to finish any of them, they’re all just one page long, but i never continued. Thank u for ur support in this little thingy that i’ve written, i hope you’ll like the epilogue!!! And the next series i’ll release ((((((; i’ll tell y’all who it’ll be after the next upload. Love y’all! Enjoy this hehehe mwa

Word Count:  1441

Chapter 10/10

You and Woojin were now at the hotel, tired after a long time in the airport, waiting for your flight. The only exciting thing was that both of you were in first class, because of your guys’ status.

You were currently lounging on the hotel bed, reading a brochure from the company you were about to work with. Woojin was at the terrace the room came with, looking over the view of the temple in the distance. It was four in the afternoon, and the sun was close to setting. Your shoot was scheduled at five thirty, and you were weighing the probability of you being late. Mark was scheduled to arrive at the hotel thirty minutes later, failing to catch the same flight with you.

You get up and head to the bathroom, deciding on taking a bath for your skin to get refreshed. It was only twenty minutes and you were falling asleep, when someone knocked on the door. You wake up, attempting to sit up. The bath was full enough to cover your chest, but apparently, it wasn’t enough for Woojin to not freak out.

He poked his head in, eyes widening when he realized you were kind of naked. “What the hell, why are you naked!” he shouted, closing his eyes and leaning on the door. Your muffled voice from the inside shouted about what kind of person you were to bathe with clothes on.

He shook his head, “Anyways, Mark is here, and a manager told me to tell you to be on standby, you’re leaving in twenty minutes.”

With that remark, you rush to get ready, realizing you left your dress (really, all you owned were dresses since putting on two articles of clothing took way too much energy) on the bed. So you just suck it up and put on your underwear, leaving the bathroom with a towel on.

Unsurprisingly, Woojin shrieked again, complaining that you’re breaking the first rule. You roll your eyes and slip on the orange romper, slipping on your sandals before going to Mark’s room.

“Knock knock,” you say, peeking inside the room to see your trusty make up assistant eating an overpriced hamburger he ordered off of room service. His eyes widen as he sees you, making a noise as a greeting as you let yourself in, looking at what the television was playing.

“So, I heard you’re getting married,” he says, putting the meat sandwich down and wiping off the grease surrounding his lips.

You roll your eyes, “Oh Tuan, if you actually put your good looks to use and woo someone, I’m sure you’d win someone over.” You settled on your make-up chair, which he insisted on carrying over to every shoot, just for you guys to be aesthetic. He actually gifted it to you on your sixteenth birthday, and the first time you get paid for something, you bought these pouches that hold makeup to hang at the side of the chair, as well as this fancy black suitcase for all the makeup samples he gets.

Mark rolls his eyes, although four years older than you, you guys acted like best friends since he was there for you from the very beginning. As he gets started on your face, you remember the time when he was still a beginner, experimenting on your face and laughing when you get a pimple from an irritating foundation he put on you.

“Hey,” you begin to say as he puts on eye shadow on you.

He mumbles a ‘what’, concentrating on blending the pigments on your lid.

“Can you be like, walk me down the aisle.” He stops and reels back, looking at you weirdly. You blink open and see him judging you, and you begin to whine.

“Come on! You’re like, my best friend, and yeah i know what you’re gonna say, but you’ve been there for me longer than my dad has been, and you know...” you trail off, failing to make up more excuses. Sure it would be controversial for your dad not to walk you down the aisle, but he didn’t deserve it.

He thinks about it for a moment, before smiling at you fondly. “Fine, I’ll walk you.” He ruffles your hair, making you whine some more.

After finishing your look, the two of you head down to the hotel lobby, meeting up with the manager for her to take you to the venue.

...

The shoot was successful, the photographer taking advantage of the golden hour. The diamonds you wore on your ears shined, along with the highlight on your cheekbones. The bridge you shot in overlooked the ocean, making the scene look so magical, and you were thankful that you were allowed to shoot there. Honestly? You looked bomb af.

You looked like you were dipped in honey, and you were being praised by the different personnel, claiming that after this was published, you would rise to even more success. You were feeling so happy, and you just got even happier when you spotted Woojin.

It was already night time, and the staff allowed you two to take a stroll while they packed up equipment. You were both walking around, swinging your hands back and forth. You ended up back at the bridge, and most of the equipment was cleared. They were now trying to shove them back into the van, playing a dangerous game of tetris.

You enjoyed the night breeze, laying your head on Woojin’s shoulder, his arm snaking around your waist.

“Hey,” he whispered, looking out into the blue.

“Hey.” You whispered back, the wind and the sound of the waves crashing over rocks almost drowning out your voice.

Suddenly, Woojin turns to you. “You did great earlier.”

You smirked, loving the compliment. “I know, you really should be thankful that you’re marrying me. I mean, when will you ever get the chance to spend you whole entire life with someone as gorgeous as me?” Sure you were over confident, but Woojin would have to deal with that, he was stuck with you, after all.

His eyes never leaved yours. “Yeah, you’re probably the most gorgeous person I’ve ever met. Sure you’re a bit bitchy, but we can always work on that,” he chuckled at your expression. “I’m so lucky to have you in my life. These past days have been so much fun, and believe me when I say my life is boring. It’s always work, work, work, and you’ve showed me so much emotion that my black and white world got corrupted with color. I know that with all these going on, I haven’t had the time to properly propose to you, but while you were out here flaunting, I’ve stumbled upon this little antique shop and got you a little something.”

You were speechless. It didn’t cross your mind that you didn’t have an engagement ring, or the fact that Woojin hasn’t proposed to you yet.

He took out a little pouch from his pocket, fumbling over the strings. “I hope you like it. I know it isn’t as fancy and as shiny as all the other rings you’ve worn in your lifetime, but it’s pretty cool, if I do say so myself.”

You laughed as he opened the brown bag, revealing a white gold band with an oval cut diamond right at the center of it. Your eyes widened, realizing how expensive this is, and the fact that it was old...

You let out a tiny little gasp as Woojin got down on one knee. You could hear other gasps too, most likely the crew you worked with.

“So, let’s make this simple, will you make me the happiest man alive, fill my world with color, let me tame you,” at this point you were laughing, full on knowing that those are your father’s words, “Will you marry me? Please?”

His eyes were shining, solely focused on you. You can’t help but let a tear fall as you nod, letting him slip on the ring. It fit perfectly, like it was made to be yours.

“I got a little help from the staff, they let me get your ring size.” Woojin chuckled as he stood up, trapping you in his embrace.

Claps and hollers were heard from far away, and the two of you turn to see Mark jumping up and down wildly, shouting “That’s the girl y’all called arrogant! Look at her now with the man of your dreams!”

You both laughed, looking back at each other, sharing your first kiss. He leaned his forehead onto yours, smiling brightly.

“I could get used to this.”

Epilogue

Masterlist