#illya's father

[pippinoftheshire]

I still cannot believe how rich this AU has gotten. Truly, when I wrote that first little ficlet, I never dreamed that it would become this wonderful world.

Thank you again to @justabigoldnerd for leaping into my sandbox with your spade and helping me craft such glorious sandcastles💖

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Bright Lights

Everything's Got a Price

Fortis Fortuna Adiuvat

A Passion Crime With a Danger Sign

Those Who Cling to Death, Live

Religion Leaves a Bitter Taste (Prequel)

(Picrews edited to perfection by @justabigoldnerd)

[radarsteddybear]

I was tagged by @rose-of-pollux. Thank you!

Make a poll with five of your all-time favorite characters and then tag five people to do the same. See which character is everyone's favorite.

[too-young-to-fall-in-love]

idk yall this song is just so Illya-coded to me

[foreverknightalways]

Flashback: London, England, 1941 during World War II

Nicholas walks over to the closed curtain. He opens the curtain and peaks out. Janette screams out, Where is he? Janette and LaCroix have annoyed looks on their faces. Nicholas answers, He's gone. Then he closes the curtain.

[monstersqueen]

while this conversation is going on i kept thinking of what other masters there are

so illya, who they already know of

the caster/assassin/souichirou trio makes up for two masters and two servants

kirei is not actually lancer's master but bazette is hors-jeu

and the matou, who manage to be three masters for two servants but this route we'll only see shinji

...wait. at school they've got rin, shirou, souichirou, and shinji. that's four our seven masters. if you chose to go by rider's actual master, she's also at school

kirei's not actually a master of this war and assassin's master should be counted as souichirou's servant, so -

in short only illya doesn't go to school

rin : 'no of course there are no masters at school i would know'. rin, they all go to school

[simplymariac]

From Season 1, Episode 113 Father Figure - Flashback: Orphan Daniel during WWII, London, England, 1945. #ForeverKnight #Illya Woloshyn

Just having fun with these screenshots. Sony has all the rights to this screenshot set. 😉

[shapelytimber]

Wanted to paint some of my favorite characters, nothing more nothing less

[COMMISSIONS]

Way too much yapping like an embarrassing amount, the individual portraits and the template I used below vvv

I shouldn't be allowed to talk about my favorite characters- especially to people who (presumably) don't know them xjfkdk apart from the very popular ones ofc

ILLYA KURYAKIN (The man from U.N.C.L.E)

gay ass little Russian spy I love him he is so *dramatic* and a huge nerd and a Beatles fan and into fashion design- perfect pocket size blorbo ;w; also seeing a Russian character being given a positive leading role in an American tvshow from the 60s ?? Yes he lives in New York and works for UNCLE America.... But he is still a communist ?? Incredible ! Also I really like the fact he isn't given the cliché personality traits often given to Russian characters i e anger issues drinks a lot violent ect (looking at you shitty(imo) modern remake... What did you do to my little guy ;;). In a close contest with Spock for the "gayest man from tvshow" of the 60s..... And in my heart he is winning djdkd for me the gay subtext of muncle hits so much more because it's not a scifi show- it's closer to home, Napoleon and Illya were *like that* in the present day of the 60s, they were both human, and no alien fuckery made them go to the village more than once or play house in the suburbs or get attached ass up to get pegged on a regular basis... Truly a show that feels written by an old queen and a guy with the biggest fem dom fetish jkvjjkb (don't get me wrong tho I adore star trek tos and spirk too <3)

KUROO HAZAMA and PINOKO (Black Jack)

sometimes I rewatch some of the oavs from the 90s when I'm sad :) I had a huge phase a couple years back when I read nearly all the manga (should really finish it... Or reread the whole thing frankly), watched *all* the shows (bar young black jack, hated that shit) and idk I just love this venal bitch so much- him and his daughter and his conflicted feelings for his tboy ex that he still loves kfkfkf btw I'm dying for a modern take on this like please please please I'd love to see Kei Kisaragi's story rewritten a bit (trans character in the 70s sure was progressive but oh boy-), because him and black jack's relationship makes me so *weak*.... And maybe see him a bit more than in one story- anyway ! When it comes to his daughter Pinoko, it's very hit or miss- when the writers lean on the cute father adoptive daughter relationship it's great, when they lean more on the whole "she has a crush on him" (very much like a child in most case, and he *never* reciprocate thank god) and bring up the fact she is technically 18 a lot (she was an evil tumor trapped in her sister before he created a body for her- black jack shit dw), and she gets jealous of other women.... Well it's terrible and I'm uncomfy :(

EVA KANT (Diabolik)

Look.... You just can't show me danger diabolik 1968 and not expect me to become insane djdkdkdk she is so cool ;; !!! Her and her devious eel of a man (here as a panther, because even tho I haven't read the comic yet, I'm taking an educated guess that all the panther imagery is here to represent him, the lethal twunk always in the all black gimp suit... And if it's not then fuck my entire life ig fjfkkd), the cuntiest het couple you've ever seen, such freaks I love them ! Partners in crime that will blow up the tax offices of the whole country if you try to put a bounty on them <3 they are in the guilty faves category only because I'm this invested in these characters after 1 (one) movie fkfkf watched the first two remakes and was hmmm let's say underwhelmed, could have been worse but going after the 60s one ie peak cinema was hard... I went in fully invested in these heterosexuals and they still fucked up their romance and relationship ;; (don't spoil me the third one btw haven't seen it yet ! I know it's the yaoi one- which doesn't give me much hope for Eva tbh...) I'll soon start reading the comics tho ! Managed to find all twelve volumes of "Il grande Diabolik" in french for pretty cheap so I'm excited for that :D (might scan them and upload them online because omg I tried finding scans in *any* language and only found a dubious website that sold digital copies for 7€ a volume ??? What is this)

UTA (The Void / Тургор / Turgor / Tension)

Apathy girlyyyyy she just like me for real for real nfkfk what absolutely charmed me about her is yes her design, but more importantly her chamber's design (if you've never played the void, a sister's chamber is a space that represent her. You get a sense of who she is by exploring her chamber before finding her and talking to her soul it's great). The lonely island out at sea, her laying down on a suspended steel boat in a grotto, looking passively at the moon by a crack on the ceiling.... And the moon is looking back. Incredible ! I love this game so much

KIM KITSURAGI (Disco Elysium)

Do I really have to explain this one ? When I played the game with quiji I remember I kept saying "when Kim talks, we *listen*" djkdk we did get a good grade in Kim Kitsuragi and got him to dance in the church <3 this fucking centrist cop wormed it's way into my heart and many others because of course he did. The only Kim K in my eyes. Also funny anecdote : before I played Disco Elysium, I had one concept art masterclass where a kinda famous concept artist came to give advice, make us really stressed then give us a shitty grade.... And when I tell you this man looked so much like Kim ??? Same haircut, glasses, face with a scar *exactly* where Kim's portrait has a stark shadow on his cheek and he was dressed in an orange top- truly uncanny. Anyway, Kim is so fucking cool how does he do it

DARK VADOR (La guerre des étoiles)

*sight* not surprising if you know me... and to be clear when I say Vader I don't mean Anakin Skywalker, post barbecue only zouz here. I refuse to yap about this man djdkdk I already do that way to much in ao3 comment sections

And here is the template I used ! Don't know who made it tho sorry...

PS : all these where made in 2-3 hours each :D wanted to challenge myself by painting quickly, and I mostly (looking at the Eva Kant one that gave me trouble) succeeded !

[typellblog]

Illyasviel von Einzbern: The Hole at the Center of Fate/Stay Night

Emiya Shirou is the beating heart of Fate/Stay Night. Every character radiates outwards from Shirou, shapes and is shaped by him. He fights against foils like Archer and Kirei while growing alongside the three main heroines in each route.

There's really only one character who precedes Shirou in influence, who shapes him near-completely but cannot himself be shaped.

Emiya Kiritsugu is already dead, after all.

It's his legacy that drives the novel - but something oft-undiscussed is that Shirou only has half of it. He inherits his father’s justice, and the one that inherits his ruthlessness is Illya. Thus, Illya’s relationship to Shirou is dictated from the start.

She is everything his father left behind, the first gatekeeper of the moonlit world of death and magecraft that Shirou now finds himself in. In this role she transcends routes, appearing at the end of the third day to deliver a near-lethal attack just as the story branches off.

She seems intent to deliver Kiritsugu’s baggage to Shirou, to make him reckon with the past that he himself never experienced; the truth that a hero can only help those he sides with while many others are left alone in the cold.

In this way her very existence is a far more fundamental challenge to Shirou’s ideals than that of any other character - and yet this challenge is met only indirectly. Much of the information regarding her true identity and relationship to Shirou is elided until the end of HF.

She functions similarly to Sakura, a character who totally changes the reader’s perception of the first two routes in retrospect. The reveals about Illya force us to reevaluate how positive her ending in the Fate route really is.

In the narrative of Heaven’s Feel, both Illya and Sakura are considered ‘doomed’ - able to be saved only by Shirou sacrificing his own life to Archer’s arm.

It’s the crux of their characterisation, in the same way that Saber’s pursuit of the Holy Grail leads her into timeless and uncountable doomed battles. In a route based around that character, you would expect fixing it to be the main thrust of the plot.

And so just as the Fate route is focused on Shirou clashing with Saber over her lack of regard for her safety, and Heaven’s Feel is focused on accepting even the ‘impure’ parts of Sakura, there is no route focused on showing Illya that she needn't give up on having a normal life.

Instead all of her scenes in Heaven’s Feel are about accepting that she cannot have one.

This is the hole in the center of FSN that I’m talking about. Its absence is felt keenly throughout the novel, because Illya has another role besides a specter of Shirou's past. She embodies the prize and object of the Holy Grail War itself - the very same wish-granting device.

Many of the characters in this story are not fighting for the Grail specifically, but nonetheless their strong personalities and desires cause them to clash with one another, in a process Kirei sees as comparable to everyday life.

Their wishes, both in the form of the dead’s regrets and victor’s will, enter the neutral, empty Grail in order to produce a miracle. The only one not allowed a will of their own is the vessel of the Grail, who, in absorbing these desires, must completely erase their humanity.

Illya is not intended to have a reason to pursue the Grail, nor any life beyond obtaining it. The war is premised on the sacrifice of the Servants, yes, but nonetheless they enter as contestants. Illya, like Justeaze before her, enters the ritual only as a sacrifice.

And yet an outside element is introduced. Illya being part-human, the product of an actual family rather than just a clone allows for her to have personal motivations. She holds on to her resentment of Kiritsugu, despite knowing that it’s pointless, because it’s all she has left.

A parallel can be made to the Grail itself. Supposedly a pure wish-granting device, it becomes corrupted through the influence of Angra Mainyu, one small, perverse wish colouring the whole thing black.

The desired salvation of the Einzberns, their thousand-year project relies on being able to reproduce the miracle, to understand every component part of their attempts in order to draw ever closer to the Third Magic, but Illya is a random factor, born to a human parent.

She’s also their greatest creation since Justeaze. Miracles, after all, exist because they are not understood.

The corruption of the Grail with the darkest desires of the world is just the inevitable result of any wish - the price of becoming a human instead of existing as a machine. Live long enough and anyone would turn into Zouken, higher goals suborned by a base desire to escape pain.

Like Illya the Grail is a failed project, a tool that can only provide salvation of a limited nature & only fulfill its purpose incompletely, proof positive that true perfection does not exist in the world of Fate/Stay Night.

In Illya’s case the bug in her programming comes fundamentally from a desire for family, for someone to be close to her. Despite her dysfunctional initial approaches she’s perfectly capable of living normally alongside Shirou.

The issue, then, is the Grail War itself.

Her two sides, two different origins, come into conflict here, and her role as the Holy Grail consistently wins. Not because she desires it in any real sense, but because she doesn’t believe that she can do anything else.

Consider how the Fate route ends with Saber and Shirou trying to live without regrets, accepting both the negative and positive aspects of the past without dwelling on that which cannot be changed.

Consider how Illya in the Fate route doesn’t say a single thing about her condition, refuses to burden others with that knowledge, accepting the fact of her death and instead choosing to live in the moment.

Consider how the Unlimited Blade Works route is about Shirou trying to live without regrets, accepting that he will not always succeed, that his self-sacrificing nature will hurt him, but nonetheless his pursuit of that goal is worthwhile.

Consider how Illya’s death is used to illustrate this, how she cannot be saved regardless of whether Shirou makes the choice to intervene or not, how his sorrow is used as proof of his brokenness and his ability to move forward regardless is used as proof of his strength.

Consider why the Heaven's Feel route is named after the ritual that materializes the soul, why this is identified with salvation and rebirth by the Einzberns. I would argue that the Third Magic is a metaphor for the process Shirou undergoes throughout the novel.

He evolves from a machine into a human, gaining his own desires and the will to live. And just as Heaven’s Feel, the ritual, requires a sacrifice: Justeaze’s blood forms the foundation, so too does Heaven’s Feel, the route: Illya spends her own life to fully realize Shirou’s.

In moving past Kiritsugu’s legacy, he moves past his belief that his life is worth less than others. He wants to live, wants to let Illya save him, wants to let her sacrifice herself for him. In moving past Kiritsugu’s legacy, he moves past Illya.

I don’t blame him. I just want to emphasize how significant to this novel the existence of suffering is, how important the figure of someone who cannot be saved, how necessary a single person’s sacrifice. And how this falls on Illya in every route.

In the latter parts of the Fate route she quickly disappears from story relevance. Her functions as a Grail offer a convenient excuse to have her sleeping for much of the day, as it does for Kirei’s kidnapping of her, stringing her up as a sacrifice to open the gate.

In UBW we have Gilgamesh brutally ripping out her heart. He values her purely for her core, which holds the Grail, tossing aside the rest of her body.

If her role as the Grail is what drives her doom, though, she is at least partially able to overcome this at the end of Heaven’s Feel.

For a brief moment, Illya escapes the bonds of fate by uniting her deeply personal wish with the impersonal functions of the Grail.

She also dies. She fucking dies, okay? I’m so tired of talking about this as though it’s supposed to be a good thing, as though we’re just supposed to accept it as the best possible option.

It works precisely because we know there is another, because we know for a fucking fact that an Illya route could have existed, that her salvation is possible not just from a meta perspective but directly implied in-universe.

Illya’s power is to grant wishes, but she is incapable of giving voice to her own. She needs someone there by her side to tell her that it’s okay to want to live, and yet- Shirou is so fucking broken that he needs her to do that for him instead.

Illya could have lived, but she doesn’t, and in not doing so she carries half the weight of this story’s tragedy on her back.

In a way this is an excuse for the lack of an Illya route. I really do think its blatant absence adds something to Fate/Stay Night, really sells the tragedy of HF, becomes even more beautiful precisely because of its unattainability.

It’s a comment on how the artistic process, materializing your soul on paper if you will, is an inherently restrictive one, rife with failure and things left on the chopping board.

But it does not, not for a second, mean that we should accept the lack of an Illya route. It doesn’t mean the desire for it is a bad thing. It doesn’t mean that its addition would make Fate/Stay Night worse.

It would, however, become a different game at that point, and here I want to pay respect to the one that has lived alongside me for twenty years.

Thanks for reading, and happy anniversary to my favourite story of all time.

[iloveyoutotype-moonandback]

The way Nasu handles magic and Mage society generally is fascinating to me. Mage families basically being aristocrats whose members almost seem to view everything in the abstract and cause immense suffering through all of their experiments and attempts to gain more power or to extend their lives. Viewing their children as pawns to continue the family lineage or even experiment with. The way we see the consequences of this "mage culture" through the characters of Rin, Sakura, and Illya. Rin attempting to maintain this cold and calculating mindset because that's what's expected of her and her father left behind this weighty legacy that she feels she must uphold. Sakura suffering abuse from Zouken who views her as merely a vessel for the grail and from her extremely jealous brother. The fact that Sakura was only adopted by the Matous because of their father, who was thinking mostly of lineages and family alliances, and either didn't realize or simply didn't care about the hell he was sending his little daughter into. The fact that this act drove a giant wedge in the relationship between Rin and Sakura, one which they were only able to mend at the end of Heaven's Feel. Meanwhile you have Illya being experimented with and turned into a vessel for the grail much like Sakura was. And she, as a homunculus, is basically just set up to have ultra powerful magic circuits to help them win the war but ultimately Illya herself probably wouldn't have lived very long even if she had survived the war since homunculi have short life spans. Not to mention she was basically groomed to hate her own family.

Fate/Zero did some interesting stuff with this concept too. Like we see more of Tokiomi and the shit the Einzburns got up to in the previous war. Kariya especially was always interesting to me, because you have this guy who hated mages and wanted to leave it behind. And he did for a time, but joined the war anyway for the sake of Sakura and Rin; two children who aren't even his own, but he at least has an idea of what awaits Sakura if he doesn't do something. Admittedly there's some weird friendzone shit he has with Tokiomi's wife, but I do think his desire to save this child from Zouken was genuine. And even for people outside these families, Waver Velvet has to deal with classism since he's not part of an established family.

There's just this interesting element of like, class, elitism and patriarchy. Mages are really similar to the old nobility in many ways, except even more exaggerated in their vanity and lack of empathy. It's like Nasu added a twist to the classic fantasy image of a wizard in his tower. The mages are in an ivory tower and don't understand the suffering caused by their little magic experiments, or if they do understand, they simply don't care. Just a complete disconnect.

[scotianostra]

The Scottish actor David McCallum was born on 19th September 1933.

Born as David Keith McCallum, Jr in Maryhill, Glasgow, the second of two sons of Dorothy Dorman, a cellist, and orchestral violinist David McCallum Sr. When he was three, his family moved to London for his father to play as concertmaster in the London Philharmonic Orchestra. Early in the Second World War, he was evacuated back to Scotland, where he lived with his mother at Gartocharn by Loch Lomond.

McCallum won a scholarship to University College School, a boys’ independent school in Hampstead, London, where, encouraged by his parents to prepare for a career in music, he played the oboe.In 1946 he began doing boy voices for the BBC radio repertory company. Also involved in local amateur drama, at age 17, he appeared as Oberon in an open-air production of A Midsummer Night’s Dream with the Play and Pageant Union. He left school at age 18 and was conscripted, joining the 3rd Battalion the Middlesex Regiment, which was seconded to the Royal West African Frontier Force.In March 1954 he was promoted to Lieutenant. After leaving the army he attended the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art (also in London), where Joan Collins was a classmate.

David McCallum’s acting career has spanned six decades; however, these days he is best known for his starring role on the police procedural NCIS as medical examiner as Dr. Donald “Ducky” Mallard. I first really remember McCallum for his role in another US show, The Invisible Man which ran for 13 episodes in the 70’s. McCallum by then was a veteran of many TV and Film roles, starting in the 50’s including Our Mutual Friend and The Eustace Diamonds, in the 60’s he was in several ITV Playhouse shows before moving across the Atlantic to take roles in The Outer Limits and his big break as Illya Kuryakin in several incantations of The Man from Uncle.

His most notable films were The Greatest Story Ever Told as Judas Iscariot and of course Ashley-Pitt ‘Dispersal’ in The Great Escape.

As well as the aforementioned Invisible Man in the 70’s he took time to pop back over to our shores to star in two quality series, as Flt. Lt. Simon Carter in Colditz and Alan Breck Stewart in an adaption of Robert Louis Stevenson’s, Kidnapped.

The 80’s saw him team up with the lovely Joanna Lumley in Sapphire & Steel and several guest roles in the likes of The A Team, Hart to Hart and Murder, She Wrote as well as a one off reprise of Illya in the TV movie The Return of the Man from U.N.C.L.E.: The Fifteen Years Later Affair.

The 90’s saw David in Cluedo and Trainer on our TV screens over here and American science-fiction series VR-5 in the states..

During the last 20 years or so he has been in the kids TV show, Ben 10: Omniverse as the voice of Professor Paradox and of course Donald Horatio “Ducky” Mallard in a remarkable  436 episodes of the popular NCIS.

David has been married twice. He married his first wife Jill Ireland in 1957. They met on the set of the movie Hell Drivers. Together, they had two sons and a daughter, Paul, Jason and Valentine, with Jason being the only one who was adopted. In 1963, David introduced Jill to his co-star on The Great Escape, Charles Bronson, and she left David and married Charles in 1968. In 1967,

David McCallum passed away aged 90 on September 23rd last year, he is survived by his wife of 56 years, Katherine McCallum, his sons Paul McCallum, Valentine McCallum and Peter McCallum, his daughter Sophie McCallum and his eight grandchildren. NCIS paid tribute to him in an episode called The Stories We Leave Behind when the tagents find comfort in working on one of his unfinished cases. The episode features clips from several old shows.

[wesley-apologist]

Someone preferably napoleon or gaby needs to take illya shopping. He clearly cares and knows a lot about fashion as proven by his arguing with napoleon in the clothing store. He probably gets to dress up occasionally for missions but when was the last time he got to pick out something just for himself just because he liked it. Has he ever gotten a chance to by one of the fancy designer dresses he was picking out for gaby for his mom. He probably remembers her wearing something similar when he was a young child. I wonder how he even learned all this fashion knowledge. Did his mom teach him? Did he read western capitalist fashion magazines? Napoleon wears fancy suit after fancy suit is Illya ever jealous. Does righteous anger over the capitalist extravagance help him hide from his jealousy. Napoleon needs to take him to all his fancy tailors (because Illya would definitely need a custom suit with his size and proportions, nothing off the rack is fitting him that well) would the expensive fabrics remind him of his fathers friends that turned on him? When was the last time he had clothing tailored to him, was it before his father was taken, would it bring back memories? Would Illya protest anything being bought for him, it being too much to have such a kind gift for no other purpose than making him happy?

[foreverknightalways]

Flashback: London, England, 1941 during World War II

LaCroix says, I say we should roast him over a open fire. Janette asks, Hmm, How does that sound, dear boy? The boy answers, Me name's Daniel. What's yours? Princess something?

[pippinoftheshire]

Call this a teaser for the full fic that's on it's way, @ikeepwatchinghelicopters 💖

--

He’s not treated like Illya Kuryakin anymore. Hasn’t been for a long time. He is a weapon and a soldier, nothing more. Not even an alien, in truth. An asset. A pawn on a chessboard. The wound is too old to sting. “What do you want me to do?” Because Oleg never does anything without a plan. Never says anything without meaning behind it. The older man sits up, eyes shrewd. “I want to announce you to the world.” Illya quells the rising nausea; remembers the thin ice they are skating on. Remembers the war they are locked in, have been locked in since 1946. A Cold War. The layer of frost on a lake, deceptive, rotting. What can he do but nod? What can he do but stand, wait for Oleg to dismiss him, and say, “Yes, sir.”

--

He still misses his father, the only one who had tried his best to understand. Who had loved him anyway, more than even his own life. When he closes his eyes, Napoleon can still see his body stretched out on the gravel, littered with dust and debris. Remembers his father telling him to stay, as the building fell around him. To keep his secret. He recalls the day he found the ship, buried in the ice, discovered who he really was. What he really was. He had always known he that he didn’t come from this galaxy, just not which one he did. Krypton. Destroyed by her own failing core, taking her smaller sister planet, Arcania, with her. He remembers the look of sadness in his mother’s eyes when he had touched down in the front garden that night, finally feeling like he belonged in that sleek white suit. Remembers the freedom of the wind ripping through his curls. His laugh getting torn away by the chilled air. And all she had had to say, face bleak, was, I don’t even recognize you. He hasn’t been back to see her for years... Besides, he has Gaby now.

💗

[simplymariac]

From Season 1, Episode 113 Father Figure - Flashback: Orphan Daniel during WWII, London, England, 1945. #ForeverKnight #Illya Woloshyn

Just having fun with these screenshots. Sony has all the rights to this screenshot set. 😉

[justabigoldnerd]

Thank you so much @kcscribbler for the tag 💕

Unfortunately, I may be on hiatus from everything for a little while, so instead of a WIP excerpt, have an unpublished nightmare drabble based on a new reoccurring dream I've been having that I of course had to shove onto my favorite punching bag ✨️

(Also, the fancy divider is from @enchanthings , go check them out 💕)

In the meantime, no pressure tagging @huggiebird @happybean17 @falling-into-peril @heytheredeann @pippinoftheshire

@bighandsforabigheart @mybelovedillya @cha-melodius @the-golden-comet @thattripleabattery

@too-young-to-fall-in-love @times-up-alone-tonight @vnyu73 @nicijones @prettyboynapoleonsolo

And an Open Tag for anyone who wants to join!!

Character: Illya Kuryakin

Warnings: Angst, Nightmares, emotional hurt/no comfort

"Open Your Eyes (Or Just Try To)"

Illya had never been a dreamer. When he slept, only blackness greeted his consciousness. Nightmares weren't uncommon, however they were often replays of unsavory memories or missions gone wrong. Near death experiences, fearing for his partners’ lives, the abuse of old handlers, his father's screams and his mother's belt. They were never abstract, like those of his peers. Monsters never haunted him, imaginary killers or threats that were laughable once awakened never manifested.

But recently, they've been changing.

Now, they often begin with the chaotic sounds of agony and brutality that herald a battle. It's faint at first; distant, just out of reach, but still close enough to make his heart pound. Then the echoing gunshots encroach, the shouting grows louder, death looms over the horizon. Adrenaline pulses through his veins and he tries to ready himself for whatever hell is approaching. Illya tries to ready himself, to take in his surroundings and make a plan, but it's too dark. Thick, inky black clouds his vision, and while he's able to get his weapon armed and in his hands, he can't see anything around him. And when the war drums are upon him, its not his own scream that reaches his ears first.

It's Gaby's.

Or Solo's.

Or sometimes they both give their cry of pain or effort from either side of him, before the distorted clashes of metal and flesh drown him. But no matter what he hears, the darkness prevails. He can claw at his eyes, try to rip the wool off or shred his eyelids enough to see, but all can glimpse is fractured images and light before its darkness once again.

Other nights, he drifts into the warmth and safety of a London flat, though he can never tell which one. He can feel the cushioned couch or armchair beneath him, hear the music crackling from the radio, the laughter of his partners as they bicker in the kitchen or dance in the living room. Illya wants nothing more than to see for himself this beautiful reality, one he hadn't let himself believe to be possible. But yet again, something keeps his vision blackened. Yet again, he's robbed of the sense that was drilled into him to keep on high alert at all times. He scrubs at his eyes until they burn, rinses them with water, tries to manually pry open his heavy eyelids, but nothing works. He's tormented by the almosts, the golden lighting that creeps through the tiny cracks between his lashes. He feels someone tug at his arm, with words of encouragement he can never quite remember. But his mind is clouded.

All he can think about is that his eyes are glued shut.

The scenarios change, but that single recurring fact is what unnerves him the most. Illya is never able to open his eyes. This simple task, something instinctual, that he shouldn't even have to think to achieve, he has somehow failed over and over and over again.

Illya wakes up in a cold sweat, disoriented, eyes wide and wild. He tracks every inch of his bedroom, memorizing the space repeatedly until the blood stops marching in his ears and his chest stops heaving.

He's never been able to get back to sleep after those nightmares. Mostly because, as childish as it sounds, he doesn't want to risk closing his eyes. So he just sits up, knees drawn to his chest, and stares at the slit in the curtains over his window, watching indigo fade into gray, gray into lilac, lilac into orange, and orange into blue.

And he keeps his eyes open for as long as he can stand it.

[heytheredeann]

Today on Very Serious Spy Scenarios, imagine Illya and Napoleon at the beginning of their partnership, with Napoleon happily pushing all of Illya's buttons every five seconds to try and see what will get him punched and what not. Illya is endlessly frustrated with him, especially because he CANNOT get a rise out of him, no matter how hard he tries.

And then one day, when they are arguing, again, Illya is getting desperate to Win This and so this conversation ensues:

Illya: "What's your problem, your parents never hugged you as a child?"

Napoleon, completely unfazed: "Actually no, my father barely spoke to me and my mother lowkey disliked me, so."

Illya:

Napoleon:

Illya:

Napoleon: "What?"

Illya: *getting teary-eyed*

Napoleon, now a little scared: "Peril?"

Illya: *bear hug attack*