#ill try to get it out soon but i have a new years thing tonight (how is it the last day of 2024 im dying) soooo idk when it'll be out

[drunkinyourbenz]

i’m literally buzzing in anticipation waiting for this roommate fic IIIIIII NEEEEEEDDDD ITTTTTTT

girl i'm literally buzzing in anticipation writing it im going feral

my mind is running with so many sub top (and just subillie) ideas oh my goddd i don't know how this happened this is the most inspiration i've had in months

[slaymitchabernathy]

The Nanny

"Mommy, when're we gonna go to the party?"

Soarynn dabs some more powder onto her face, she can't afford to look bad tonight, "Soon sweetheart."

"Mommy, what're you wearing to the party?"

Soarynn sets her powder compact down, silver with a rose engraved onto the lid, "I'm wearing a red dress sweetheart to match your father."

"Mommy, why're we having this party?"

Soarynn pauses in her makeup routine, trying to come up with a suitable answer for Ceraphina who's seen very little of the Hunger Games so far, "We're having this party to celebrate the Victor of the Hunger Games," she explains, watching Ceraphina through the mirror's reflection, "he's coming off of a very long tour from the Districts."

Every year after the Hunger Games end and a new Victor is crowned by Coriolanus, the Victor returns home to their District where they bathe in their newfound riches and move into a beautiful house provided by the Capitol. A few months later, they embark on a Victory Tour through all Twelve Districts, paying their respects to the fallen Tributes while giving inspiring speeches about the Capitol's generosity.

This year's Victor, Beckett, has just finished his Victor Tour and arrived in the Capitol this morning for the last stop in his Tour, the President's Mansion where a huge party is being thrown for him. Having the party at the Mansion serves many purposes. It allows the public to witness the grandeur of the President's riches while also allowing them to see the Victor up close and personal. Drinks will flow and music will play and no one will remember it after five days but the Snows are required to attend as tradition demands.

The girls have been chattering about the party since Soarynn and Coriolanus got back from their honeymoon but Soarynn hasn't been able to share their enthusiasm. Not when she still remembers the last time she was around people from one of the Districts. But she can't miss the party unless she's terribly ill which she is not.

There are worse things to be forced to do but Soarynn still feels strange about the entire thing. Beckett is still a child and yet she's seen grown women lusting over him. It's a life she wouldn't wish on any child, District or not.

"Will there be cake?"

Soarynn nods, grabbing her vanilla-scented perfume, "Yes darling, there will be lots of cake and other desserts tonight." Soarynn is thankful that tonight doesn't require a sit-down dinner. There will be lots of tables with different types of foods for people to try while they mingle.

"Mommy?"

"Yes, darling?"

"I love you."

Soarynn's lips curl up into a smile and she turns around on her vanity stool to face her eldest daughter who's been so sweet since she got back from her honeymoon, "I love you," she tells Ceraphina, holding out her arms for a hug. Ceraphina doesn't make her wait, leaping into her arms and giggling when Soarynn peppers her face with kisses, "Oh, I'm so lucky to have you," Soarynn tells her. She means it too, she's so very blessed to have three beautiful children in her life.

If only she could have another.

It's been one week since Soarynn got married to Coriolanus Snow and she's still not pregnant. Not that she expected it to happen just like that but they've had sex every single night since their wedding, sometimes in the morning as well and nothing has come of it. And it's not like Coriolanus is finishing anywhere but inside of her.

Soarynn pulls away from the hug when she feels Ceraphina doing the same and she rests her hand on her stomach, wishing for it to swell with a child, "Are you feeling sick Mommy?" Soarynn quickly shakes her head, knowing how scared the children get when either of their parents doesn't feel well. After Livia succumbed to a sudden illness, a simple cough can send them into a terrorized state.

"I'm perfectly fine darling," she assures her, "now why don't you go put on your shoes hmm? We laid them out this morning remember?" Ceraphina nods and runs out of the bathroom with the promise to put her shoes on by herself since she's so grown up now.

Soarynn still can't shake the disappointment of not being pregnant yet and mix that with having to mingle with everyone in the Capitol tonight and she just might be sick by midnight. But she doesn't have time to pity herself, not when she hears her husband enter their bedroom, his loud voice booming throughout the large room. Soarynn only catches the last half of his conversation but it sounds like an important one.

"...need to reel them in before things get out of hand Quintus. With the election coming up I can't afford any shortcomings."

Soarynn checks her appearance one more time in the vanity mirror, pleased with what she sees staring back at her. She went with her natural, everyday makeup look, but added a bit of eyeliner and red lipstick to match her red dress. Speaking of her dress, she needs to put it on before they start running late.

Just as she's about to stand up, Coriolanus walks in and his gaze immediately lands on her, dressed only in her robe and slippers, "Don't come in Quintus," he says, closing the bathroom doors behind him. Soarynn offers him a sweet smile even though she can tell he's stressed. Petunia who was lounging on the edge of the tub hops onto the floor and pads over to Coriolanus, purring up a storm while rubbing her body against her leg.

Coriolanus pays her no mind and treads into their closet and Soarynn follows right behind him. She can hear him mumbling to himself, physically in their closet, mentally still in his study. Soarynn takes her dress off the hanger, admiring the silky fabric that Tigris pulled together for her tonight. It has two thin straps holding it up and a slit that goes up her right leg, sure to drive Coriolanus mad tonight.

Soarynn slides her robe off her slender figure and carefully steps into her dress, pulling it over her hips and then slipping her arms through the straps. She's almost fully got it on but she needs help with tying it in the back.

She looks over her shoulder at Coriolanus who's also getting dressed, putting on his shoes while wearing a scowl. "Coryo?"

He doesn't seem to hear her through his own troubling thoughts so she tries again, louder this time, "Coryo?"

He looks up at her, his eyes slightly widen when he drinks in the sight of her and what she's wearing tonight, "Yes, my love?"

"Could you please help me with the back? It needs to be tied," she tells him, turning around to show him where the issue lies. Coriolanus nods, swallowing down the small lump in his throat while rising from the bench to help her. Soarynn pulls her hair over her shoulder while his large hands pull at the strings, ensuring that she doesn't flash anyone tonight, "Is this alright?" He asks, his voice husky and his lips very close to her ear. Soarynn shivers, "Perfect," she whispers, letting her hair fall back down over her back, "thank you for helping me."

She turns around to admire the suit he's wearing tonight, a deep red, perfectly matching her dress. He looks so sharp and handsome like the imposing President of Panem people know him to be. She straightens out his tie and pulls his collar down, "You look very handsome Coryo."

Coriolanus sighs and rests a hand on her back, pulling her against him, "I don't feel very handsome right now." Soarynn's lips tug down into a frown and she furrows her brows, "Why not? What's wrong?"

Coriolanus shakes his head, pressing a fake smile to his lips, "Nothing to concern yourself with darling." He kisses her forehead before she can protest and turns on his heel, "I'll see you shortly alright?" Soarynn can only nod, watching as her husband walks out of their closet, leaving her more worried and confused than she was before he came in.

Petunia strolls in, not at all affected by the humans around her or their wild emotions. She hops onto the table in the center of their closet and does a big stretch while watching Soarynn, "It must be nice to be a cat," Soarynn muses, scratching behind her ears. Petunia meows in reply, "Mommy, we're ready!"

The children's voices draw Soarynn from her clouded bubble and she shakes herself out of it, "I'll see you later Petunia."

꧁ ꧂

The Victory Party is a great success.

People are laughing, drinks are flowing, food is being eaten and Soarynn is miserable.

She fakes it very well to her credit, never letting her society smile fall as people compliment her on the party and her recent wedding. "Truly, we've never seen such a stunning bride," one woman says while sipping on a purple-colored beverage.

Caspian reaches out to touch the feathers on the woman's shoulder pads and Soarynn quickly pulls his hand down, "Thank you so much, the support we've received has been overwhelming." It's not a lie, Coriolanus and Soarynn Snow's wedding has been all there is to talk about. Every billboard, every magazine, and newsoutlet has been discussing it and giving out their opinions about the ceremony.

From the guest list to the tablecloths, everyone has an opinion.

"Such a shame you couldn't away for a more dreamy honeymoon," the woman sighs, "I heard District Four has a beautiful resort this time of year, have you been?" Soarynn feigns excitement and nods, "Yes we have. We didn't want to be too far from the children though," she easily lies, trying to forget what happened in Four.

The woman nods and doesn't push it any further which Soarynn appreciates, they discuss more light-hearted topics until the woman's drunk husband stumbles into one of the soup tables and she has to go rescue him.

Soarynn bounces Caspian up and down on her hip, he was doing just fine walking by himself but he suddenly got overwhelmed and asked to be held. Soarynn could hardly decline him, not when she herself was also feeling very overwhelmed. The girls had gone off with Coriolanus to get some cake a while ago but with a party like this, Soarynn knows they've been caught up talking with some of the guests.

She takes this moment to catch her breath, scanning the ballroom for a familiar face. It's hard to spot anyone with how dark the ballroom is for tonight's festivities. The lights have been dimmed, with only small lamps providing illumination. Sofas are scattered throughout the room while servers walk around with platters of food and drinks. There are musicians floating on what must be clouds above them and Soarynn doesn't even want to know how they're doing that.

Soarynn locks eyes with the one person she so desperately wishes to avoid so of course he gives her a smile. Soarynn returns it out of necessity but panics when Beckett starts towards her. When he gets within three feet of her, Grant steps out from the shadows, acting as a buffer between them and Soarynn is suddenly so very grateful for Grant who rarely ever steps in. He lets her handle things and she appreciates it more than he'll ever know.

"Just wanted to say hello," Beckett says, nodding towards Grant who doesn't budge, "I already spoke with your husband."

Soarynn pretends to be enamored by his words and nods, "Oh, I'm so glad you did. He can be rather hard to pin down." She would know, where the hell is he?

Beckett hums and his eyes drift to Caspian who's watching Beckett curiously, "What's his name?"

Soarynn doesn't really know how this boy has managed to go this far in life without knowing the names of the President's children but she pushes all judgment aside for the sake of polite conversation, "Caspian."

Beckett seems thoroughly amused by her answer, "Ah, so they're all the same then? Ceraphina, Celeste and now Caspian, I wouldn't expect any less from President Snow."

Caspian curls into Soarynn, resting his head on her chest, "Momma go to bed," he mumbles. Caspian is her saving grace tonight. "I think I ought to put him to bed," she tells Beckett, "but it was lovely meeting you, we hope you enjoy the party."

Soarynn goes to step to the left but Beckett follows her, "I saw your wedding," he says, a strange look in his eyes, "I've never seen a more beautiful bride." Soarynn has been complimented on her beauty countless times but it feels very different coming from Beckett, "That's very kind, thank you."

Beckett's eyes rove over her body and Soarynn is beginning to regret wearing a dress with such a high slit, it seemed like a great idea two hours ago. "Do you dance?"

Soarynn is taken aback by his question since to her knowledge, no one in the Districts is familiar with the waltz, "I do," she answers, "but not tonight, I really should get Caspian to bed."

Beckett scoffs a laugh, "Just hand him off to your bodyguard," he juts his chin towards Grant who hasn't taken his eyes off of Beckett, "he'll be fine. I want to go home being able to say that I had my hands on the new First Lady."

Before Soarynn can even formulate a response to his very rude and suggestive comment, she feels a large hand come to rest on the small of her back and the scent of roses overwhelms her, "I'm afraid you'll be returning home without such an accomplishment," Coriolanus tells Beckett, looming over all of them in an imposing manner.

Beckett clears his throat, caught in his scheme, "I meant no offense."

Coriolanus laughs, a fake laugh that Soarynn sees right through, "Of course you didn't. Now run along and enjoy your party."

Beckett scurries off into the crowd and Soarynn lets out a sigh of relief, "The fucking nerve of him," Coriolanus mutters, turning Soarynn around to face him, "are you alright darling? He didn't touch you did he?" He reaches to cup her face and she melts into his touch, "No," she assures him, "Grant made sure of that, but he was awfully persistent."

She can see a million emotions flooding through her husband's eyes but the most prominent one is anger. Anger due to someone making her uncomfortable and trying to touch her. "They're all the same in the Districts," he tells her sternly, "all filthy leeches that prey on sweet things like you."

Soarynn wants to believe that there's good in some people who live in the Districts, but how can she when she's proved wrong every time?

Maybe Coriolanus is right, maybe this is the only way to keep her loved ones safe.

"I should put Caspian to bed," is all she says in response.

His eyes search hers for any lies but she has none to tell him and he slowly nods, "Come down when you're done alright?" Soarynn really doesn't want to but she knows it's not up for debate, especially when he presses his thumb further into her temple, daring her to push back on his request. "Okay," she says sweetly, batting her eyelashes up at him, a trick that always deescalates his mood if he's angry.

And it does just that. Coriolanus visibly relaxes and gives her a quick kiss before saying goodnight to Caspian and disappearing back into the crowd.

The past week the two of them have been learning from each other and learning what they will and will not tolerate in their marriage and Soarynn has quickly learned that there's nothing Coriolanus despises more than push back. From anyone really, not just her but it especially ticks him off when she questions him.

She doesn't even mean to do it in a malicious way or in a pestering manner but Soarynn is curious by nature and Coriolanus is always quick to back up his reasoning with several facts, whether or not they're valid is beside the point.

"Let's go to bed," Soarynn says quietly to Caspian who lets out a tired sigh, "Lenny go to bed," he tells her. Soarynn nods and begins to make her way through the crowded room, smiling at any guests who look in her direction despite the very uncomfortable conversation she just had with Beckett.

She truly doesn't know where any of that came from, she's never met him before, she barely even watched his Games and yet he was so insistent on dancing with her. Perhaps it's a silent fight between men who are constantly trying to assert their dominance.

Coriolanus has always been rather possessive all things considered and he's never taken kindly to those who live in the Districts. That's why the Capitol citizens love him so much.

"Oh Soarynn, I've been looking all over for you dear," Eudora calls, quickly running over to her, "you're wanted by the dessert table, some ladies from the Gallery are just dying to talk with you about next year's upcoming theme." Soarynn's only been First Lady for a week but there's no rest for the weary and she's been pulled left and right to discuss things that have been left untouched since Livia passed away.

Soarynn's lips curl up into another fake smile, the same smile she's bestowed upon everyone tonight it seems, "Of course, let me just put Caspian to bed." Eudora looks around the room for a moment and perks up when she spots the girls who are milling around, accepting compliments left and right, "Why don't we get all the children to bed?" Eudora suggests, "It's getting rather late."

She's not wrong and the girls are already up way past their bedtime. "Good idea," Soarynn agrees, beckoning the girls over to them, "Mommy! Mommy, there was a chocolate fountain!" Celeste animatedly tells her, pointing at one of the long tables filled with different treats.

"That sounds like a dream come true for you girls," Soarynn muses, resting a hand on Celeste's head, "and speaking of dreams, it's time you girls go to bed."

Both Ceraphina and Celeste immediately begin pouting but Soarynn is on her last leg right now and gives them a knowing look, "You two have had lots of fun tonight haven't you? Staying up late is a treat," she reminds them, "now let's all go upstairs please."

Before I lose my mind, she thinks to herself once the girls give in to her request. Soarynn is thankful for Eudora who accompanies her upstairs and helps her get all the children to bed. She normally can manage it just fine but with the party right below them, things are just more difficult tonight.

Caspian goes down without a complaint, letting Soarynn kiss his head goodnight while his eyes drift shut. The girls are a different story though, still on their sugar high, jumping up and down on their bed, refusing to go down. Soarynn usually doesn't mind them being antsy before bed but she needs them to cooperate tonight, mostly because Coriolanus won't be happy if she's not downstairs soon.

"Girls," she says sternly, "I need you to lie down please."

"But we're not tired!"

"Well I am tired," she tells them, pulling back the covers, "now please get under the covers or we won't have time to read a story." That strikes a chord within the girls and they finally calm down and crawl under the covers, watching Soarynn with big eyes as she picks out an easy and short story for tonight.

She gets through the story quickly, making sure to do the voices they adore so much, and presses a kiss to each of their cheeks, "I love you both very much, have sweet dreams my darlings."

They both gaze up at her, nothing but love and adoration in their blue eyes, "Good night Mommy."

Soarynn turns off the bedside lamp and quietly pads out of the room, lingering by the doors for just a minute to actually make sure that they're asleep and not just pretending. She leaves once their breaths grow steady and she's met with Grant standing outside the doors, dutifully watching over her even in the comfort of her own home.

"Are you alright Mrs. Snow?"

Soarynn furrows her eyebrows and he shakes his head, "I was referring to the District boy approaching you."

Oh.

"I'm perfectly fine," Soarynn lies breezily, walking past him, "and I have quite a few guests to attend to."

She can tell that Grant doesn't fully believe her but it's not his job to care about her feelings, "I'll assign some Peacekeepers to stand guard outside the children's doors," he says and Soarynn nods, she feels much better knowing that the children are protected while she's busy downstairs.

"Thank you, Grant."

He still looks worried but Soarynn brushes it off, she's just tired that's all.

She's fine.

꧁ ꧂

Sometimes it feels as if the party never ends.

It's well past midnight and Soarynn just said goodbye to the last party guest. She's utterly exhausted and wants nothing more than to soak in the bathtub for a while before curling up in bed, preferably in her husband's arms.

But Coriolanus snuck away an hour after she returned from putting the children to sleep. She has no doubt that he's been discussing business all night long considering how many important men attend things like this but she wishes he wouldn't leave her alone to deal with all the guests.

She silently walks down the long hallway towards his study, figuring she'll just say goodnight now and make her way upstairs. If he wants to join her, then he knows where to find her.

When she reaches the doors to his study, she can hear several muffled voices from inside, all male and all very loud.

She softly knocks, wondering if they can even hear her over their voices but the doors open a moment later and she's looking up at a very tired-looking Quintus Heavensbee, "Good evening Mrs. Snow."

Soarynn gives him a polite nod, "Good evening Quintus. I was hoping to have a quick word with my husband before I retire for the night."

He looks back into the study and Soarynn hears a quiet conversation being had before she hears her husband's authoritative voice, "Bring her in Quintus." The trusted advisor moves to the side and Soarynn slowly walks into the study, looking around at the five men who have gathered here so late into the night. The fire is roaring and she sees several half-finished drinks sitting on the table by the sofas. They've been at it for quite some time.

Her husband's gaze is cold and calculated, a stark contrast to how it usually is when they're alone but they're not alone, they're in the company of very important men and Soarynn would do well to remember that.

"I apologize for interrupting," she says sweetly, earning her several grumbles from all the men insisting that she's not a bother at all. "Come here darling," Coriolanus calls from behind his desk, holding out a hand for her, and Soarynn can't do anything but go to him. Her hand slips into his large one and his fingers curl around it, tugging her to his side, "We heard that you were approached by the young Victor," one of the men says, his voice is weathered and warbly. He looks old.

Soarynn swallows, have they been talking about that all this time?

Coriolanus squeezes her hand, pulling Soarynn back into the present, "Yes," she answers, "yes I was."

Everyone in the room shares disgusted looks, "The nerve of him," one of them mutters, shaking his head, "he ought to be punished." Coriolanus grunts in agreement, "He mentioned putting his hands on her before I came to her rescue." It's so strange to be talked about as if she's not in the room with them.

"I think a trip to Two is exactly what needs to be done," Quintus says, resting a hand on the edge of the desk, "these people need to be reminded of who they serve, who they answer to."

Soarynn looks down at Coriolanus, his face is unreadable right now, "You're going to Two?" She asks softly, her gut churning at the thought of Coriolanus being away from her, from the children. They haven't been apart, not since Four. Coriolanus pinches the bridge of his nose, "There is a high possibility that I will be paying District Two a visit within the week," he says as if reciting from a script.

Quintus offers Soarynn a smile but she does not return it, "We were hoping you might accompany your husband if he goes, it would be just what we need to show them that the Capitol is an unshakable force."

"Yes, seeing the New First Lady by the President's side would be the perfect ploy," another man chimes in.

Soarynn feels like her head is spinning. "I um...I would have to think about it," is all she says, gripping her husband's hand even tighter to steady herself, "Ceraphina still has school and I can't just leave the children."

Everyone starts talking at once but Soarynn can't hear a word they're saying while they attempt to talk over one another, discussing possible solutions or alternatives. Soarynn pulls her hand away from Coriolanus, ignoring the look he gives her, ignoring the look they all give her as she stumbles towards the door. She can hear her name being called when she goes out into the hallway but she keeps walking until she reaches the back staircase.

Coriolanus is leaving? For how long? And why does she have to go with him?

Soarynn didn't realize she was signing up for all of this when she married Coriolanus but maybe it was written in one of the thousands of contracts she signed months ago.

If she's expected to make these appearances only for the sake of Capitol morale then was that his intention from the beginning? Did he only marry her to have a First Lady to cart around when needed?

Soarynn climbs the stairs at a rapid pace despite her heels and dress getting caught with one another. She doesn't even care about the dress or the shoes, she just wants out.

She just wants out.

꧁ ꧂

Coriolanus doesn't come to bed until four o'clock in the morning when Soarynn is sound asleep. Well, she was asleep until she felt him climb into bed and pull her against him, warming her body immediately. Soarynn keeps her breaths steady while he moves around to get comfortable and remains limp when he wraps an arm around her waist, burying his face in the nape of her neck.

"I'm sorry," he mumbles, pressing a gentle kiss to her tender skin, "I'm sorry for everything tonight."

Soarynn wishes she could roll over and tell him that all is forgiven but she doesn't know if it is. She needs him to apologize when they're both awake.

He can do that tomorrow morning.

Everything will be better in the morning.

꧁ ꧂

The alarm wakes the couple with a jolt. Soarynn often forgets how the day waits for no one, especially Coriolanus who is expected to treat every day like a work day, even if he threw a massive party the night before.

Coriolanus groans and his grip around her waist tightens while he kisses her shoulder, "Good morning," he mumbles.

Soarynn would never say this out loud, but she loves his voice in the morning. It's even deeper than it usually is and it's so raspy. That's probably why she enjoys morning sex the most, because his voice alone can get her off.

Soarynn doesn't know whether to give him a hard time about last night or if she should just move on and forget about it.

She decides to give him a hard time, an easy decision in her opinion.

"What was that about last night?" She asks, rolling her hips back into him. She can hear his breath hitch from her teasing actions, he's usually pent up with energy in the morning and often wakes up with a pressing problem that can be easily solved should she spread her legs for him.

"Last...last night?" He croaks out, trying to still her hips with his hand but it's no use, his cock is already hardening in his boxers and he'd rather eat glass than solve this problem on his own.

"Mhm, last night when I was spoken about as if I wasn't in the room with the rest of you," she sweetly reminds him.

Another roll of her hips miraculously jogs his memory and he lets out a quiet moan, "Oh that," he says, "yes, yes I'm so sorry about that darling. Things have just been...just been getting tense and they think it's best if I address it personally rather than from behind my desk."

Soarynn's interest is piqued and she rolls over to her stomach, teasing long forgotten as she stares into his bright blue eyes, "Coryo what's going on? You were upset before the party and you were ice cold in your study. I hardly want to be in the same room with you right now, let alone travel to District Two to show my support for you." Her words are slightly hurtful but they're truthful and he values that more than words in a pretty package.

Coriolanus looks unfairly handsome lying on his side, curls tangled and sleep still evident in his eyes. But his eyes are gentle right now, sweet and caring, looking at her as if she's the most precious thing in the world to him.

"There have been riots in Two," he says quietly, rubbing his thumb up and down the side of her hip absentmindedly, "Beckett's victory has given them hope and we can't have that. All my advisors think it's best if I go to Two to speak to the people and publically execute anyone taking part in the riots."

Soarynn shivers at his words, at how causally he mentions people being executed. She often forgets how heartless he has to be sometimes. "I didn't want you getting dragged into this," he stresses, pressing his fingers into her skin, "but when Beckett came up to you and Caspian I just...I lost control," he admits, looking down in shame, "I wanted to bring you for the sake of my pride, to show people in Two that I'll always have the last laugh. I let my pride get the best of me Soarynn, I'm sorry for everything."

Soarynn scans his blue eyes for any signs of a lie but she only finds truth and a bit of shame. "I forgive you. And I'll say it right now while we're both of sound mind and body but I'm not going with you to Two. I...I can't go to the Districts again," she whispers, painful memories flash through her mind, "even though I don't want you to go either."

Maybe in a few years, she'll gain back the courage to leave the safety of the Capitol, but not now, not when everything is still so fresh. Their marriage, the attack, the party. Soarynn knows better than to play with fire.

"Everything will be fine darling," Coriolanus assures her and he sounds so confident, so sure that everything will be fine if he leaves, "I'll tell my advisors that you can't come and that will be the end of that."

She lets out a sigh of relief, glad she won't have to leave the Capitol or the children for that matter. The holidays are right around the corner and there's so much to be done around the house. Being the official First Lady has given Soarynn access to things she couldn't dream of, including decorating the Mansion.

Soarynn leans over to press a kiss to his cheek, one he welcomes wholeheartedly while wrapping both arms around her waist and pulling her on top of him. Soarynn giggles when his lips find hers, moving in sync with one another while she rolls her hips against his in a teasing manner. He pulls away, wearing a lazy smile with his curls all tangled, "Why don't you be on top today?"

Soarynn almost falls off of him when she hears those words leave her husband's lips. Coriolanus is a man who craves control in every situation, from his children to his wife, he wants everything and everyone to do exactly as he says. Unfortunately for him, neither his children nor his wife are keen on always following his explicit rules.

To willingly let her be on top is a shock and Soarynn can't hide her expression, "Really?"

Coriolanus scoffs and his hands slide down her waist and rest on her ass, slipping his fingers under her lace panties, "Yes, really. I want to see how pretty to look sitting on my cock darling."

He has such a way with words.

Soarynn refuses to let him fluster her though and she doesn't back down from a challenge easily. Despite his past claims about her being a "pillow princess", Soarynn is sure she can manage. At least for ten minutes until she gets tired.

"Alright," she decides, lifting her hips so she can pull down his boxers far enough to take firm hold of his cock, already hard and leaking with precum. Coriolanus lets out a strangled groan from how she handles him but he's a big boy and if she can take everything he dishes to her, then he'll be just fine with what she does to him.

Soaryn has gotten well acquainted with her husband's cock over the past week, how big it feels inside of her, how it has a slight and delicious curve to it, and how he always needs to be inside of her when he finishes.

Soarynn pulls her panties to the side, seeing no point in fully undressing if she's the one in charge this morning and she teases his tip against her folds, rubbing it back and forth the same way he does it when he's on top. Coriolanus is struggling underneath her, she can tell that he's just itching to take over and do everything how he wants to do it but he holds back.

Soarynn finally lets the tip of his cock snag onto her entrance and she slowly sinks down on it, gasping at how much bigger he feels in this position. Coriolanus holds her hips gently, helping her sink down fully onto his cock and Soarynn swears that she can already see stars from how fucking deep he is inside of her. The tip of his cock is jammed against her sweet spot, making the slightest movements so very sensitive and stimulating.

"Take off your nightgown," he says breathlessly. Soarynn gives him a knowing look, if she's in charge then he's going to have to use his manners the same way she does when she's beneath him.

Coriolanus rolls his eyes but complies to her silent standards, "Take off your nightgown please my sweet darling girl who I love so very much."

Soarynn smiles and holds her chin up high, "That's better."

She pulls her nightgown over her head and tosses it to the side, baring her breasts to him while he stares up at her. "Take it slow," he advises and Soarynn is quick to squeeze her walls tightly around him, making him groan and moan, "I know," she quips, rolling her hips around to see what she likes.

Soarynn rolls her hips clockwise, then counter-clockwise, feeling how good it feels to be on top of Coriolanus who's going against everything he believes in to give her some control.

Soarynn rests a hand on his toned chest and leans forward until her hair falls over her shoulder, creating a curtain of sorts for them as she kisses him deeply, sighing when his teeth tug at her bottom lip. "You look so heavenly like this," he mumbles against her lips and she grins, "so beautiful and angelic."

Soarynn is sure that other more vulgar words could be used to describe the sight of her on top of him but she appreciates his kinder ones. Soarynn sits back up and slowly lifts her hips up before bringing them back down, gasping at how he stretches her out. Soarynn quickly finds a rhythm that suits her needs and Coriolanus is quick to sit up and wrap his arms around her waist so he can kiss her. They move in tandem with their hips, his cock drags against her walls again and again, making Soarynn whimper.

Soarynn is already growing tired but she's always had less stamina than Coriolanus who can go for hours without tiring. "Feels so good," she pants, squeezing around him, "so deep."

Coriolanus moans when she picks up the pace and one of his hands wraps around her neck, squeezing it until she feels lightheaded. Looks like he couldn't give up control for too long. Coriolanus starts pounding up into her, the sound of skin slapping and moans are all that can be heard in their bedroom. Soarynn's eyes start to roll back and she's getting closer to her peak, "Please," she whines, "please, please, please."

Coriolanus slaps her ass, "You look so perfect like this angel, stuck on my cock like the good girl you are for me hmm? Just taking whatever I give you. Wish I could keep you like this all day long."

Soarynn tries to form a proper sentence but her mind is so clouded by lust and the feeling of him inside of her that all she can do is let out a pitiful moan. Coriolanus presses sloppy kisses to her jaw, sucking on the skin while deepening his thrusts. "Cum for me Soarynn, be my good girl and cum for me." It doesn't take much more after that, Soarynn's hips are rolling like they have a mind of their own, and suddenly that wire inside of her snaps.

All she sees is white as her back arches and Coriolanus keeps fucking her. She can hear him swearing, saying more nasty things to her while he tries to reach his own peak.

Soarynn goes limp in his hold, trusting him to hold her while he fucks up into her, finally reaching his orgasm and spilling inside of her. She moans softly at the feeling of his cum getting lodged deep inside of her, just how he likes it. Soarynn rests her chin on his shoulder and simply sits there, not in a rush to start the clean-up process.

Coriolanus rubs circles on her back and whispers sweet words and compliments, rocking them back and forth. Soarynn feels so content like this which is funny because a year ago she was so focused on the kiss they shared on the train. Now he's buried deep inside of her on a quiet morning. Her eyes fall shut and she feels him slowly lay back down and pull the covers over them. They should take a shower, Ceraphina has school today and Coriolanus has work but he always makes sure to take care of her before getting out of bed.

Soarynn doesn't know how long they lie there like that, still connected. Maybe hours, maybe minutes. She's overwhelmed by the scent of roses, comforting and reassuring that all will be well so long as she has Coriolanus. He gently taps her hip and Soarynn begrudgingly lifts her head to look down at him, "What?"

He chuckles, brushing her hair out of her face, "We have to get up darling."

Soarynn pouts, she usually doesn't mind going about their routine shortly after having sex in the morning but this just feels different and she can't explain why. "I'm sore," she whines. She's not lying, she's been in a constant state of soreness since their wedding night since neither of them can get enough of the other person.

Coriolanus smirks and lifts his head to peck her lips, "You're always sore," he sweetly reminds her, "and we have to get up before the children." He, unfortunately, has a point. Soarynn grumbles before she sits up and looks down at the ungodly sight of his cock still inside of her cunt, it does something to her and makes her want to go another few rounds before leaving their bed.

Coriolanus seems to pick up on her inner thoughts and brings a hand to her clit, rubbing it with his thumb. Soarynn moans, her back arches and she ruts against him, already overstimulated, to begin with. "Coryo," she whines, trying to pull herself off of him but he's quick to pull her back down with his other hand, "I thought you liked it when I played with you darling," he says, shaking his head with false disappointment.

It had its intended effect though and Soarynn whines, "I do," she mumbles, digging her nails into her thighs, "I do like it."

Coriolanus keeps rubbing her clit and just when she thought he couldn't do anything else, he lodges a finger in her cunt, adding to the sensation of his cock still being inside of her. Soarynn almost screams from the feeling, from the now burning and aching stretch of her cunt being filled to the brim with Coriolanus Snow.

"You always take it so well," he praises, "my fingers, my cock, and now my fingers and my cock. I really did marry a little whore didn't I?"

Soarynn wants to tell him that he's wrong, that she's not a whore but he starts moving his finger inside of her and it's all too much for her. Soarynn feels a tear roll down her face and her walls start to flutter around him, a telltale sign that she's about to cum again. "I...I'm not," she croaks, unable to look away from what he's so shamelessly doing to her. Coriolanus scoffs a laugh, condescending and taunting, "You're not what doll? Not a whore? Or not taking it like you should?"

He pinches her clit and she's done for.

Soarynn cums again and this time, she feels herself shaking and she feels herself getting wetter and wetter, she might just squirt again. He'd love that, Coriolanus has been desperately trying to get her to do it again since he found out she could do it.

Soarynn folds forward, trusting him to catch her and he does, he'll always catch her.

She lays there in his hold and feels his finger slowly slip out of her cunt and hears him groan at the mess she's made, "Such a good girl," he mumbles against her head.

That's the last thing that she hears before she gives back into sleep.

꧁ ꧂

"C'mon Mommy!"

Soarynn is out of breath from climbing all the steps leading up to the Academy but Ceraphina Snow waits for no one. Her daughter is already running through the doors into the foyer of the school, looking so cute in her little uniform. "I'm coming," she calls, shouldering her purse. Today Ceraphina is presenting her family tree and Soarynn has been given the privilege of attending her presentation.

All family members are encouraged to see their children present in front of the class but due to work, Coriolanus couldn't make it. But Soarynn could and she knows how important it is to show up.

Soarynn offers a smile to anyone she passes while following Ceraphina down the hallway, she hasn't been here in years but in the past few months, it's felt like she's lived here. Maximus walks beside her, his brown hair slicked back and his face neutral as he scans the hallway, "She's been working very hard on this project," he tells her. Maximus is much more talkative than Grant is, making him the perfect fit for Ceraphina who would talk to a rock if she could.

Soarynn hums, Ceraphina hasn't stopped talking about it since they started last month. She needed photographs of all their family members and even interviewed Coriolanus to ask him questions about the Snow family lineage. Very impressive for such a young girl.

"I'm quite excited to see what she's done," Soarynn admits, really just eager to see Ceraphina interact with her classmates. Ceraphina runs into her classroom and Soarynn hears several excited shrieks from inside.

Soarynn slowly approaches the open door, peeking inside and watching as Ceraphina hugs one of her friends who has long black hair, "Today's my day for the project," she tells her friend proudly.

"Ceraphina honey, let's hang up your coat and bag remember?" Her teacher softly reminds her, resting a hand on her back. Ceraphina nods and goes over to the hooks on the wall, "My Mommy came with me today," she tells her teacher, pointing at the door. Soarynn straightens up and steps into the classroom, nodding at Mrs. McDowell whose eyes are as wide as saucers despite meeting Soarynn several times already.

Soarynn has forgotten how important she is to people now that she's married to Coriolanus.

"Madame Snow," Mrs. McDowell gushes, bowing her head in respect, "it's such an honor to have you grace our classroom this morning."

Soarynn gives the woman a kind smile, "Thank you for having me, I'm so excited to see Ceraphina's presentation." Ceraphina jumps up and down, overcome with excitement, "Can I show her my desk, Mrs. McDowell? Can I? Can I?"

Mrs. McDowell keeps her gaze on Soarynn but answers Ceraphina, "Of course, you can honey."

Ceraphina runs over and takes Soarynn's hand, dragging her into the classroom towards all of the tiny desks. Soarynn can't get enough of how tiny everything is. The desks, the children, the school supplies. It's so adorable. "This is my desk Mommy," Ceraphina proudly tells her, resting a hand on the small desk, "I keep my crayons and pencils in here."

Soarynn raises her eyebrows, very impressed, "Well aren't you fancy? Crayons and pencils?" Ceraphina giggles and pulls Soarynn towards the front of the room where there's a chalkboard along with a bookshelf tucked in the corner, "This is our class pet, Mr. Bubbles!"

Soarynn crouches down to look at the bottom shelf and is genuinely surprised to find a goldfish swimming around in a tank, "He wasn't here when we came to the open house," Soarynn murmurs, knowing she'd remember if they had a class pet. Coriolanus on the other hand, can barely remember the teacher's name.

"We got him because we were very well-behaved," Ceraphina says matter-of-factly, wearing a proud smile on her face, "and I get to feed him this week because that's my class chore." Ceraphina points at the chalkboard and Soarynn looks over to see that there's a list of class chores scrawled across the board with the students' names written under the tasks. The line leader, feeding Mr. Bubbles, turning off the lights, passing out papers.

"How responsible of all of you." Soarynn wonders where this enthusiasm for chores goes when Ceraphian returns home and doesn't want to make her bed.

More students file into the classroom and Soarynn stands by the bookshelf, simply observing her daughter while she interacts with everyone. She hugs the girls but stays far away from the boys, something Coriolanus would be proud of. One of the girls, the girl with the black hair slowly approaches Soarynn with a wary look in her eyes, "Are you Ceraphina's Mommy?"

Soarynn nods, bending down to be at eye level with the child, "I am her mother," she confirms, "what's your name?" The girl offers Soarynn a sweet smile and clasps her hands, "Diamond." How precious. Soarynn holds out her hand, "Pleased to meet you, Diamond."

Diamond gently shakes her hand, scanning Soarynn's face which leads her to worry if she covered all of the marks Coriolanus gave her properly, "You're prettier than on television," Diamond tells her.

Soarynn withholds her sigh of relief and chuckles, "Well, thank you, that's very kind."

"Alright children, let's find our seats so we can listen to the morning announcements," Mrs. McDowell says with a clap of her hands. Diamond scurries back to her desk, right next to Ceraphina's and the girls start whispering about something, their eyes flitting to Soarynn every once in a while. Soarynn grins, remembering when she was that young and amazed by everything grown-ups did.

Soarynn stands back up and listens as the intercom crackles and the announcements begin. Most of them are mundane things like what will be served for lunch and what sports will be conducting practice after school for the older children. The children to their credit, listen attentively while Mrs. McDowell passes out papers to each of them.

Once the announcements commence, Mrs. McDowell comes to stand next to Soarynn, a bright smile on her face, "Today Ceraphina will be presenting her family tree project and the First Lady has so graciously taken the time out of her very busy day to join us."

All of the children softly gasp except for Ceraphina who kicks her feet in anticipation, "Now let's give Ceraphina our full attention while she shows us her family tree." Ceraphina slides out from behind her desk, skipping to the front to stand by Soarynn, "You can sit at my desk if you want Mommy," she whispers.

Soarynn eyes the very tiny seat that has been offered up to her, "That's very generous of you darling." Ceraphina looks up expectantly at her, clearly waiting for Soarynn to sit down so she does just that. It's a bit awkward sitting in such a small chair but Soarynn manages to do it although her knees are almost pulled up to her chest. It's a good thing she wore a long dress today.

Ceraphina nods in approval and turns to the chalkboard where Mrs. McDowell is hanging a large poster of sorts. Soarynn's eyes widen when she finally sees the family tree that Ceraphina has created and it's a very big family tree.

Ceraphina turns to face the class and clears her throat, "Good morning, my name is Ceraphina Snow and today I will be showing my family tree. Family trees are important because they help us keep track of our ance..." Her voice dies off and she glances over at Mrs. McDowell who gives her an encouraging nod, "'Cause it helps us keep track of our ancestors who are people that lived before us," Ceraphina finishes with a satisfying grin.

"My family tree has three sides, my Daddy's side," she points at a handsome photograph of Coriolanus, "my Mommy's side," she points at the photograph of Soarynn, "and my other Mommy's side," she says, touching a photograph of Livia. "My other Mommy isn't here anymore but now we have a new one because she married my Daddy," she explains, looking around the room to make sure everyone is following.

"My Daddy's parents got married and then they had him," Ceraphina points even further up the tree at two smaller photos of a Crassus Snow and his wife, "then he got married to my other Mommy," she drags her finger to Livia's photograph. "Her parents got married and had her. My Mommy and Daddy got married and they had me," Ceraphina points at herself, "my little sister Celeste and my little brother Caspian."

Soarynn follows the lines all the way down to the children's photographs and can't help but notice how cute they all look.

"But then, my Mommy got sick," Ceraphina says dramatically, pulling gasps from the children who most likely don't remember Livia, "so she died and we buried her in the ground." Soarynn looks around at the children's forlorn faces and Ceraphina bounces on her toes, "But then we got a new Mommy!"

Everyone perks up at her words, "My Daddy married my new Mommy, whose parents had her," she stands on her tiptoes and points at the photographs of Glen and Cera Nightingale, "and now we're all one big family."

Diamond lets out a relieved sigh as if this is a television show and not real life, "Over here I have other members of my family even though we aren't really related," Ceraphina says with a shrug, "I have Petunia who's our cat, then Eudora who tells my Daddy what to do and where to go." Soarynn has to cover her laugh with a cough, "We also have our bodyguards who keep us safe, Maximus and Grant. And that is my family tree!"

Ceraphina does a dramatic curtsy and everyone begins clapping including Soarynn. "Well done Ceraphina," Mrs. McDowell praises, "family trees are important because not all families are the same," she explains to the class, "they come in all different sizes."

Soarynn nods along to her words, they certainly do. The Snow family seems to be quite a set of wild cards but she wouldn't have it any other way. Not when it gave her the sweet little girl in front of her.

꧁ ꧂

It's only eleven o'clock in the morning but Soarynn is already tired. She blames it on the morning sex.

She's greeted by Eudora the second she steps inside, "How was Ceraphina's family tree presentation?" Soarynn takes off her coat and hands it to the Avox waiting to take her things, "It was adorable, " she tells the older woman, "she had photos of you and Petunia."

Speaking of Petunia, a white blur trots towards Soarynn and she grins, "Why hello little lady, looks like you finally decided to wake up hmm?"

Petunia is hardly affected by Coriolanus and Soarynn's active sex life. She has a very nice, comfortable cat bed that she sleeps in while her humans roll around in the sheets and she's never been afraid to sleep in.

Petunia purrs, rubbing her body against Soarynn's boots she chose to wear today, "No one has arrived yet for the lady's luncheon," Eudora informs her as they begin walking down the great hall, "two women had to cancel last minute and the table's already been set." Soarynn nods along to her words, running through the guest list for today's lady's luncheon. While Coriolanus deals with the elite men of the Capitol, Soarynn deals with the women.

Coriolanus has it much easier in her opinion.

Men are simple creatures with simple wants and needs. Women, on the other hand, are very complicated creatures who run off of emotions and Soarynn has dealt with a lot of emotions from different women this past week. She's attended a handful of social events since becoming First Lady and she's dealt with the three same things at every single one: drama, gossip, and tears.

Soarynn does her best to remain removed from any drama or gossip as it would taint her image along with her husband's image as well and she can't have that. She also just doesn't care for the frills of the elite social life the way other women do. Soarynn would much rather be curled up in the library with her children than at some gallery staring at white canvases with a single black dot in the middle.

She's voiced these feelings to Coriolanus who's simply said that her way of thinking is a rare thing to cherish in a world of gossiping, backstabbing women who never grew out of their schoolgirl days. He certainly has a blunt way of putting things.

"Where are the children?" Soarynn asks, ignoring any new updates for today's schedule. She's anxious to have her darlings back in her hold before she has to go host this luncheon and seeing all the adorable children in Ceraphina's class has only led her to want to have at least six more children. Coriolanus shouldn't mind and Soarynn would be more than happy to endure the pregnancies.

"In the playroom dear, oh, and the results from all of your testing finally came back," Eudora tells her, steering them towards the sitting room she does most of her work in. Soarynn focuses on the file sitting on the coffee table, the file that holds all the results from the various tests she and Coriolanus had to do before getting married.

Eudora bends down and grabs the file, holding it out to Soarynn, "Go over it when you have a minute or two. There shouldn't be anything amiss."

Soarynn hums and takes the file between her fingers, fighting the urge to sit down and read all of the results between her and her husband right now but she resists the urge. She has to see the children first. "I'm going to go see the children and freshen up before lunch," she tells Eudora, already making her way out of the sitting room.

Soarynn takes the back staircase and Petunia ends up joining her in climbing up all the stairs, "I should really start taking the elevator," Soarynn mumbles to herself. Coriolanus has mentioned the elevator before but she's never used it. She can hear Celeste and Caspian from down the hallway, giggling while they play together.

The first few days of Ceraphina going to school had been an adjustment, to say the least for everyone. Celeste had lost her partner in crime and Caspian suddenly was given a lot more attention by Celeste than he was used to. Caspian prefers to play by himself, building up his blocks, playing with his stuffed animals quietly in the corner while Ceraphina and Celeste go do whatever it is that they do.

To have Ceraphina gone was like missing a limb.

Soarynn often found herself turning to say something to her eldest daughter only to realize that she was at school and not by her side. Spending every waking moment with her children was a double-edged sword it seemed. She got to cherish every moment with them, every milestone. But those milestones meant they were growing up, getting too big to need help like they used to.

But she still has time with them and she can always have more children which will mean more time with them.

At least that's what she tells herself before walking into the playroom where Celeste and Caspian are busy building a tower out of their blocks. Celeste notices Soarynn first and perks up, a giant smile growing across her face, "Mommy!"

She almost sends their tower to the ground when she stands up and runs over to Soarynn, throwing her arms around Soarynn's legs. Soarynn chuckles, resting a loving hand on top of Celeste's curls, "Hello my darling. Did you two miss me?"

Caspian remains in his spot on the floor and nods, "Yes," he says, nodding his head, "Momma come play."

Well, she can't say no to that.

Celeste beams up at her and takes notice of the file in Soarynn's hand, "What's that Mommy?"

Soarynn shakes her head, "Just some paperwork darling."

She follows Celeste back over to the tower they're building and makes herself comfortable on the floor in between the children, asking them about this very impressive tower they're building.

"A princess lives inside of the tower," Celeste tells her matter-of-factly. Caspian adds another block to the base of the tower, "Lion." Celeste nods, "And a lion lives there too, they live together and the lion protects the princess 'cause there's a witch who wants..."

Soarynn smiles fondly while Celeste continues to explain the lore of the tower. She could say whatever she wanted and Soarynn would still find herself nodding along to her words, so enamored by the sweet girl.

Soarynn's eyes, unfortunately, drift back to the file sitting on the floor and she can't help but pick it up again and open it this time, scanning over the pages. Most of it is talking about things she doesn't really care about like her height and weight, how much muscle mass Coriolanus has. She's sure he'll spend hours reading over this when she gives it to him.

She flips to the next page, scanning over all of their blood work which seems to be normal thank goodness. She's sure that the doctor could explain it better in more detail to her if she asked him to. Soarynn turns to the next page and her eyes drop to the bottom of the page where she sees three words in bold.

Fertility Test Results

Her heart starts racing and she brings a shaky finger to the page, resting it on the words that hold her entire future.

She reads the next two lines.

Coriolanus Snow - Fertile Soarynn Nightingale - Infertile

Infertile.

Infertile?

Soarynn can't stop the sharp gasp from leaving her lips while she reads those words over and over again. This can't be, there must be some mistake. There's no way that she's infertile. She's so young, she has so much life ahead of her and yet she's incapable of creating it.

They must've mistyped this, Coriolanus will be sure to fire whoever is responsible for this. Oh, Coriolanus. How will she tell him? And what if she really is infertile?

Soarynn feels as if all of her hopes and dreams have been dashed from her before she could even start thinking about them. She can't have any children. She can't get pregnant no matter how much she tries.

Soarynn blinks back tears, she can't afford to cry right now, not in front of the children who remain oblivious to her internal dilemma.

"Soarynn dear, the ladies are beginning to arrive," Eudora says, knocking on the playroom doors. Celeste looks up at Soarynn with furrowed brows, "What's wrong Mommy? Why do you look so sad?" Soarynn has forgotten how perceptive the children can be, especially Celeste who's always worn her heart on her sleeve just like Soarynn.

Soarynn presses a smile to her lips and gently pats Celeste's cheek, "Nothing's wrong darling, I'm perfectly fine," she lies. Even though she's not. She's not fine, she's devastated.

But she has things to do, people to attend to, children to take care of.

"I'm going to go downstairs and have lunch with some very important ladies and after that, we can go pick up your sister from school okay?" She might as well treat today like a normal day for the sake of the children, and her sanity.

Celeste and Caspian nod, "Will you tell us about Ceraphina's project?" Celeste asks, grabbing onto Soarynn's arm. Celeste and Caspian had been very fascinated by the family tree project and offered their help to Ceraphina several times while she politely declined their offers. Soarynn debated taking them to the presentations today but decided against it after Coriolanus said they'd probably get antsy.

"I will," Soarynn confirms, swiftly placing a kiss on top of Celeste's head before leaning over to do the same with Caspian, "I'll be back soon okay?"

After making sure the children are okay, Soarynn follows Eudora down the hall towards the grand staircase, a million thoughts running through her mind. Coriolanus had said that he’s more than happy with the children they already have but Soarynn so badly wanted to get pregnant, to carry a little baby inside of her and then give birth. She wasn’t there for when the children were babies and there’s not enough photos that can make up for that.

She wanted her own baby and she doesn’t care how bad that sounds.

“…so don’t mention that to her and are you alright dear?” Soarynn nearly runs into Eudora who looks very concerned for Soarynn’s wellbeing, “Oh, I’m fine,” Soarynn waves her off, “just a bit hungry so I suppose it’s good that we’re about to eat.”

Soarynn can tell that Eudora doesn’t believe a word she says but she doesn’t push her which is greatly appreciated. Soarynn can already hear the excited chatter from the women downstairs, it’s not every day you get invited to have lunch in the President’s Mansion.

Soarynn can’t ruin this for them, not if she values her reputation as the ever-so-kind and gracious First Lady.

No, she’ll have to push through, wait until tonight when she can tell Coriolanus the devastating news.

After all, she’s done it before and she can do it again.

꧁ ꧂

“Such a beautiful family portrait,” Mrs. Heavensbee comments as they walk down the great hall. Lunch felt like the longest lunch Soarynn had ever been to.

It was filled with surface-level conversations and to no one’s surprise, gossip and drama. Soarynn was rather quiet at lunch and she hopes that no one took offense to it.

She looks up at the large portrait that now hangs on the wall, the same wall that was occupied by the portrait that had Livia in it.

This one looks a little bit different.

Coriolanus looks tremendously handsome in his black suit with his arm wrapped around Soarynn’s waist while she wears a beautiful red dress that drapes on the floor. The children sit in front of them on a decorative bench with Petunia in Ceraphina’s lap.

Getting Coriolanus to agree to let Petunia be in the official portrait was like pulling teeth but Soarynn luckily knew his weaknesses. After a few blow jobs, he would’ve agreed to anything.

“Thank you,” she says, allowing herself a genuine smile at the compliment, “we were quite pleased with how it turned out.”

They had it done the day she and Coriolanus got back from their honeymoon. There had been lots of whining from the children who didn’t want to sit still for that long and lots of lethal glares from Coriolanus who didn’t like whining children.

Soarynn played the Peacekeeper for the afternoon, soothing over hurt feelings from both sides and they managed to get what they needed which was all that really mattered.

“Do you have any plans for more children?”

That question cuts deep into Soarynn’s heart. She can’t cry now, not when she’s so close to getting all of these women out of her house. She simply shakes her head, “We haven’t discussed it yet,” she lies, acting nonchalant, “we already have three perfect children.” That part isn’t a lie.

Mrs. Heavensbee hums, she’s the perfect fit for her husband, both of them are somewhat reserved but very passionate when they want to be. She has two children of her own, Perlina and Plutarch who are in Ceraphina’s class.

“It was wonderful having you ladies,” Soarynn says, turning to face the rest of the group.

It really wasn’t but she’ll keep that to herself.

The women shower her with compliments about today's lunch and of course, her wedding. Even though it's been over a week since she got married, Soarynn is still asked about it. She'll have to start writing thank you cards for everyone who attended, heaven knows she'll be busy with that.

She makes sure everyone is in a car and on their way out before she allows herself to feel miserable again. How can she be unable to have children? Is this some sort of genetic thing? Is there a pill that she can take to fix it?

Marrying the President means having access to every procedure, pill, and doctor in all of Panem. If there's a way to fix this, Coriolanus will find it.

At least that's what she tells herself.

꧁ ꧂

Watching Capitol children spill out of the Academy building is not Soarynn's idea of a perfect afternoon but the children always get so excited to accompany Soarynn when she goes to pick up Ceraphina. She could hardly deny them of this small joy, even if she herself wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out.

"Oh, I see her! I see her Mommy!"

Celeste jumps up and down while holding Soarynn's hand, eager to reunite with her big sister. Soarynn had given up on trying to place Ceraphina in such a large crowd of children, instead, she searched for her bodyguard Maximus who was heads above even the tallest Academy student. And sure enough, she finds him and Ceraphina is right in front of him, her hair blonde as ever.

"School," Caspian says, pointing at the building. Soarynn hums, Caspian has been more talkative lately and she couldn't be happier. She and Coriolanus had spoken with several child behaviorists who said that the reason for his quietness was due to the fact that his mother died when he was still attached to her. Livia's death hindered his speech but now that he had a constant motherly figure in his life, Soarynn, he'd start talking more and more.

The man assured the couple that Caspian would be talking just like his sisters by the time he started going to school.

"That's right darling," Soarynn nods, "one day you'll go to school with your big sisters." Celeste pulls on Soaryn's hand, "When do I get to start ballet lessons?"

Coriolanus had decided that he wanted to enroll the girls in some sort of extracurricular activity in the new year. Soarynn had suggested lots of things such as painting, and singing, but dancing was something he and the girls both agreed on. The girls were enamored by the ballerinas they saw in their beautiful costumes.

They'd start in January but Celeste struggled to understand the concept of time. She just wanted to wear the slippers and tutu.

"In January darling," Soarynn tells her, "so in about a month."

"Can we go ride Snowflake when we get home?"

"Of course, we can sweetheart."

With the riding lessons, piano lessons, and now ballet lessons, Soarynn was bound to have her hands full getting the girls from one place to another. Coriolanus had suggested they hire a nanny and Soarynn nearly suggested that he go for a long walk outside.

She was the nanny. Now she was the children's mother. They didn't need a nanny when they had her.

No matter how thin she'd be spread, she refused to look into hiring a nanny. It was out of the question.

꧁ ꧂

"Go Snowflake go!"

Soarynn chuckles while Ceraphina tries to get Snowflake to pick up the pace but he's been trained to trot inside of the paddock, not gallop. "Take it slow darling," she calls out, "you don't want to wear him out."

It's a cold day in November, one of the last ones before they step into December which means lots of holiday events to attend. But today isn't windy which makes being outside much more bearable. Soarynn had bundled herself and the children in thick, warm coats with mittens and gloves to match. She didn't want anyone getting sick before such a busy month.

She shivers when remembering the time that Ceraphina got sick from a classmate at school and gave it to Celeste and Caspian. It had been a rough week in the Snow household. Coriolanus had practically barricaded himself in his study, claiming he couldn't afford to get sick.

Soarynn had rolled her eyes when he said that, men were so dramatic when it came down to getting sick, acting as if their arms had been cut off.

"Mommy, why is the sky gray?"

Soarynn looks up at the cloudy gray sky, it's been gloomy all day, just like her mood. "It's probably going to snow darling," she says to Celeste, "or rain."

"Are we gonna have dinner with Daddy tonight?"

Soarynn shakes her head and gives Celeste a small smile, "No sweetheart, we have dinner with him on Sundays, remember?"

After asking her to marry him, Coriolanus unknowingly exposed himself to a new lifestyle and routine now that Soarynn was here to stay. That lifestyle included having dinner as a family once a week. She wasn't unrealistic, asking him to have dinner with them every night was impossible with his busy schedule but on Sunday nights, no matter how busy he was, they all had dinner together.

The children loved it. They missed having dinner with their father so to see him for breakfast and dinner was a treat as special as any. Soarynn secretly hoped that one day he might take all of Sunday off to spend it with them but she was taking it slow, baby steps were necessary with a man like Coriolanus who despises lack of control or change.

"Oh, sorry I forgot," Celeste mumbles. Soarynn feels a frown tugging her lips down and she crouches down so that she's at eye-level with Celeste, "There's no need to apologize, Celeste, it was an honest mistake."

She reaches out to hold Celeste's face in her hand, rubbing her thumb over the child's cheek, "But I was thinking that tonight we might make dinner extra special by having breakfast for dinner."

Celeste gasps, her bright blue eyes wide as saucers, "We can do that?" Soarynn laughs, she's never done it before herself but it sounds like a fun idea, something to spice things up from their normal routine. "We sure can," she answers, "we can have waffles and pancakes, and all your favorite things."

Caspain butts in after hearing about the possibility of pancakes, his favorite breakfast food, "Panacakes?" Soarynn and Celeste giggle, "Yes sweet boy, we can have pancakes."

Celeste runs over to the paddock gate and grabs onto it, "Ceraphina! We're gonna have breakfast for dinner tonight! Mommy says so!"

Ceraphina pulls on the reigns, bringing Snowflake to a halt, "Really?" She asks, her voice doubtful. Being the oldest means she's grown to expect promises to be broken, mainly by her father who struggled to keep his word while trying to put their broken family back together.

Soarynn stands back up, a determined look on her face, "Really," she nods, "it'll be fun."

Ceraphian grins, "Okay!"

Soarynn might still feel sorry for herself but she'd never let that get in the way of the children she has right now, children she won't ever take for granted.

꧁ ꧂

Everything was going great until Ceraphina and Celeste asked how they were born.

Which was something Soarynn had limited knowledge of for a number of reasons. She hadn't been working for the Snows when the girls were born and even if she was, she certainly wouldn't have been there for the birth. But that didn't stop the girls from asking more questions about giving birth which to her luck, led to questions about being pregnant.

It was like a stab to the heart.

She answered all of their questions calmly and patiently before kissing them goodnight and promising to see them tomorrow. Only when she closed the doors behind her did the tears start to form in her eyes.

It just wasn't fair, wasn't fair that she couldn't get pregnant.

Since she could remember she's always wanted to be a mother, to have a baby and raise it as her own.

But she can't. She can't and her head hurts and she's tired and all she wants in the whole wide world right now is her husband. She slips off her heels before trudging downstairs to his study. She doesn't know how she'll tell him, how she'll apologize for not being a good wife, the wife fit for a Snow.

She vowed to bear any children he'd gift to her and she already broke it.

A few tears roll down her cheeks as she finally reaches the doors that lead to his study. She raises her fist to knock but stops when she hears voices inside. He's busy, probably in a meeting. Should she knock, she'll be told that he's busy and she can't let anyone see her like this. No, she'll just wait.

She sits on the small, decorative sofa that sits right outside of his study, pressed against the wall under a portrait of his father, Crassus Xanthos Snow. She looks up at it for a moment, he looks stern, commanding, she can see where Coriolanus got it from. She wonders if this man would see her as a good fit for his son.

Probably not.

Soarynn sits there for what feels like hours, watching the moon through the large windows across from her. She should just go to bed and tell him in the morning but Soarynn can't bear to carry this burden any longer.

She's about to fall asleep when she hears the doors to his study open accompanied by several men grumbling among one another. She slowly pushes herself to her feet, in no rush to face her humiliation. One of the men finally looks in her direction and clears his throat, bowing at the waist, "Madame Snow."

Soarynn musters up a graceful smile when the other man takes notice of her as well and does the same thing, paying their respects. Quintus is the last one out and he looks more concerned than surprised to see her lingering outside her husband's study so late at night.

"Our meeting ran a bit longer," he explains, "we do hate to keep you from your husband this late into the night." Soarynn shakes her head, she doesn't even care at this point, "It's quite alright. Have a good night Quintus."

Rarely does she ever dismiss anyone in her house but she wants to be alone with Coriolanus. She doesn't need spectators.

Quintus thankfully picks up on this and nods, "Good night Madame Snow."

Soarynn watches him walk down the long hallway, chatting with the others as if there's anything left to talk about in this world before she walks into the empty study. Coriolanus is sitting by the fireplace, deep in thought from the looks of it. He merely tilts his head in her direction, "Did you leave something behind?"

Soarynn quietly closes the doors behind her, she doesn't even want the Avoxes to hear her. "It's me," she whispers.

Coriolanus finally looks over at her and his stern expression melts off immediately, "Darling, I thought you'd be in bed at this hour." Soarynn shrugs and forces herself not to cry, "I'm not," is all she says.

Coriolanus reaches a hand out, silently asking her to come to him and she does, slower than usual but she feels like she's been chained to the ground. The moment her fingers find his, he's pulling her into his lap, resting her thighs over his and wrapping an arm around her waist. It's the type of gentleness she needs right now.

Coriolanus kisses her cheek, the smell of roses lingers around him at all hours of the day, "How was your day hmm? Did Ceraphina's presentation go well?"

Soarynn thinks back to this morning, it feels like a hundred years ago. She remembers the family tree, how under Coriolanus and Livia's name were the names of their children.

There will be no names under hers.

"It was good," she whispers, watching the fire crackle with the firewood. Coriolanus gently rests a hand on her cheek, making her look at him, "Soarynn, what's wrong? Did something happen?"

Soarynn gasps, the floodgates are wide open now. "I can't," she cries, tears spilling down her cheeks in an instant, "I can't and I've broken my vows."

she can see how conflicted and confused he is by her words, "You broke...you broke your vows? How? Darling, tell me what happened and we'll make it right."

Soarynn shakes her head, she's sobbing now, "We can't. We can't have children together."

She watches through tears as Coriolanus tries to understand her, "The results," she gasps, "I can't get pregnant."

Soarynn wants to die, she wants to close her eyes and never wake up. The stress of the wedding, of becoming First Lady, of being the perfect wife and mother has all crashed down on her all at once.

She can see how heartbroken he is, even if he tries to hide it. She knows how badly he would've loved for them to have more children together.

Soarynn buries her face in his shirt, staining it with her tears and mascara no doubt but she doesn't care right now. She feels him cradling her head, murmuring words that she doesn't care to hear right now.

She just wants to sleep and wake up to realize that this was all a bad dream.

It's all a bad dream.

꧁ ꧂

"...test results were negative..."

"...doctors can't do anything..."

"... she's heartbroken..."

"...could always go the surrogate route..."

꧁ ꧂

When Soarynn wakes up, she's in her bedroom.

The lights are dim and her mouth is dry.

Soarynn slowly sits up, groaning at her stiff limbs, she ought to start stretching before going to bed each night.

Soarynn looks over at her bedside table and sees a glass of water and two red pills next to it, no explanation as to what they'll do. She takes the water but not the pills.

Coriolanus isn't in bed but she can see the bathroom light is on. A meow comes from the floor and Soarynn cranes her neck to see Petunia looking up at her, tail bushy and ears perked. Soarynn pats the space next to her and Petunia expertly leaps onto the bed, immediately climbing into Soarynn's lap. She absentmindedly pets her soft fur, wondering what time it is, if Coriolanus is going to file for divorce. She vaguely remembers hearing his voice along with Eudora's but she doesn't exactly remember what they said.

"Oh, Petunia," she sighs, "I just got everything I ever wanted and now I'm back to where I started."

She hears a snort come from the bathroom and looks over to find Coriolanus standing in the doorway, shirtless, wearing only his boxers and an amused expression on his face. "If I recall, you started as a single, childless, quiet woman with no living family besides that cat," he says calmly, "have we already come full circle?"

Soarynn blushes and looks down, she was just being dramatic but he has a point, "No," she mumbles, "I have more than I could ever dream of." And she does. She has a husband who loves her, children who adore her, a beautiful home to call her own, food, water, all the clothes she could want, and then some. She's the luckiest woman in Panem and here she is throwing herself a pity party.

Coriolanus pads over to her side of the bed, gently sitting down next to her, "Darling," he reaches out and brushes some of her hair behind her ear, "I read over all the test results."

Soarynn looks up at him, eager to hear that it was wrong, that she misread something. He sighs, "The results were correct, you're infertile and can't get pregnant no matter what we do."

Her entire body deflates, she's gutted all over again. She had held onto a sliver of hope that maybe he'd find a way to fix this but not even Coriolanus Snow could help her. "Oh," she says glumly, "there's not...there's not like a surgery or a shot I could get?" She gives him a hopeful, desperate look but he can only return it with a sad smile, "My love, there's nothing we can do. I called the doctor and we went over every possible option. Anything we could remotely try would either lead to your death or the baby's death and I won't ever risk that."

Soarynn feels angry at him even though he's completely justified in his reasoning. Would she risk her life for her child's life? Absolutely. But could she handle losing her baby? No, she'd be devastated.

"I just really wanted it," she whispers, her voice breaks but as long as he's here then she'll be okay, "I just really wanted to have another baby." Coriolanus wraps an arm around her, comforting her in her lowest moments as he vowed to do, "I did too," he tells her softly, "but Soarynn, you can't blame yourself, you did nothing wrong. The doctor suspects it might be genetic, think of your own mother and what happened to her. Even she struggled to get pregnant if I recall."

Her breath catches in her throat she hadn't even thought of it like that but he's right. Perhaps the same fate fell onto her own mother but she was able to get pregnant. Except she didn't survive. Only Soarynn did, leaving her father alone and she knows that Coriolanus will be damned if he's left alone again.

Even if it means that his wife will be miserable for the rest of their lives, she knows he'll take that chance over anything else any day.

"Livia struggled too," he whispers, "she...she almost lost Ceraphina midway through the pregnancy. And my own mother died trying to give birth to my little sister. We've suffered from enough tragedy at the hands of childbirth for a lifetime darling, we have three beautiful children who are just down the hall so I think we should make the most of it, don't you?"

Soarynn sniffles, wiping away any last tears before looking up at him, "I do," she says, "I want to make the most of it, even if I'll always think about what could've been." Coriolanus hums, pressing a kiss to her temple, "I know you would've been good, a good mother to our new baby but we can't get caught in the past, trust me I know."

Soarynn nods, Coriolanus refuses to linger in the past, marrying her is a clear testament to that belief.

She leans into his hold, feeling safe and above all, loved once again despite her flaws, "I love you," she says.

He tightens his grip on her, "In sickness and in health darling, I'll always love you."

Always is such a sweet promise to make.

꧁ ꧂

꧁ One Year Later ꧂

"Thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to sit down with us Madame Snow."

Soarynn smiles warmly at the interviewer, "Please, call me Soarynn."

She's gotten used to living in the spotlight, being questioned for every little thing she does but Soarynn is happy with this life she's chosen. She wouldn't have it any other way.

"Alright, Soarynn, your husband just won the election, what was it like to be by his side in such a tense few months?"

Soarynn remembers the months leading up to the election, how stressed Coriolanus had been, how many meetings and interviews he conducted. He won it by a landslide but still, he had been so worried. Soarynn did what she did best, she comforted him, reassured him that he'd win, and did her best to spread her own influence amongst the people of the Capitol.

Since marrying Coriolanus, she's been adored by the Capitol, widely known as the 'Captiol's Darling' due to how many people love her.

"It was a testament to our marriage," she answers, "I vowed to stand by him no matter what, win or lose and I did. To see him do what he does best fulfills me, it fulfills our family."

The interviewer nods, "How did you come to know President Snow?"

Soarynn finds it almost strange to think back to the time when she barely knew Coriolanus, when she worked for him, and worried that she'd lose the children every day.

"I was employed by the Snow family following Livia Snow's death," she tells the woman, "Coriolanus and I got to know each other and the rest is history."

The woman hums, jotting down some notes, "If you don't mind me asking, what was your job under the Snow family? Were you an assistant to President Snow?"

Soarynn smiles, she's forgotten how many people are unaware of how she came to know the people she loves so dearly in her heart. She often wonders what her life would be like if she never applied for the position, if she never got hired, if she never let herself and her walls down around Coriolanus.

She shakes her head, she doesn't mind at all. She sits up straight and proud, knowing that she carries the Snow name and its legacy.

"I was the nanny."

| Part 14. | Final Part |

| tumblr oneshot/drabble |

| taglist: @strawberriicakes @wonderlandbound111 @villiansarehottest @kickmybark @thevoicesinmyprettylittlehead @melodyoflovee |

[spidrzfall]

I'm Not Her. ⤑ Peter Parker.

Hello Everyone to my very first post !! oh my gosh, im literally so nervous about uploading this, but here it is, i hope you guys enjoy it and love it! feel free to comment if you guys want a part 2, lol! Love you guys, and i hope you enjoy !!

☆° Peter Parker x Male Reader

☆°• ANGST !

°•▪︎ Fem readers DNI ♡♡

♧ warnings: None ♧

♡ NOTES: GWEN IS NOT DEAD IN THIS FIC ! HER AND PETER JUST HAD A FALL OUT AND ARENT DATING ANYMORE ♡

Part two :

Good Ending: Click me! Bad Ending: Click me!

┏ •◦இ•◦ ┓

Peter didn’t know what he was doing, it was all subconscious for him. It’s been a year since Peter and (M/N) got together, at first everything was just ideal; they hit off for a couple of weeks of going on dates, having mutual interests and mutual likings. They had a good relationship, except for when it all took a turn for the worst. It was strange for Peter to start being off out of nowhere, maybe something had happened regardless of what it was (M/N) hated it, he was patient enough, at first thinking Peter just made a slip up but for it to happen every other minute it was infuriating

“Gwen would’ve loved this place” Peter said aloud, interrupting (M/N) mid conversation on their date to a brand-new restaurant that had opened in their area. (M/N) scowled, cursing in his mind ‘here we go again’ as the man put a somewhat tired smile up trying not to cause a scene and finally call Peter out on his little comments. “Yeah, I’m sure she would've loved it here” (M/N) replied, his voice laced with tiredness and slight annoyance. This was the 3rd time in the whole day Peter was talking about his ex-girlfriend, Gwen. Nevertheless (M/N) had to make the most of tonight, he wasn’t going to let comments like those get to him and his relationship with the brunette, afterall Peter loved him, right?

The night progressed, they ate dinner together (M/N) really trying to hold down a conversation for them both to enjoy only for Peter to not get the gist and go back to talking about Gwen. “I still don’t know why you bothered to order the steak; you know Gwen would’ve ordered salmon. It looked good on the menu and immediately thought about her.” Peter pointed out as (M/N) took a bite out his steak, a smile once plastered onto his lips before frowning. “Well, It’s a good thing I’m not Gwen.” (M/N) mumbled, already tired of Peter’s jabs. “What’s that supposed to mean?” Peter blankly looked at his boyfriend, as he set his fork down on his plate seeing as the man across from him had a tired expression. – “It means I’m not Gwen and I have my own likes, Peter” the other exclaimed as he put his fork down as well his eyes meeting the same old brown doe eyes who once looked at him with love now staring at him with nothing.

“I know you’re your own person. (M/N)”

“Then why do you keep bringing her up”

“I’m not. You make it seem like I’m mentioning her every 3 seconds when all I did was make two comments the whole night.” Peter retorted as he crossed his arms, blinded by his own ego to admit his faults. “Are you serious? It’s not just about today, Pete. It’s about every other day! You always bring her up, it’s always Gwen this! Gwen that!” – “That's far from true” – “is it?” silence filled their small booth, that uncomfortable silence until a small mutter evaporated the tension.

“Gwen wouldn’t have started a fight.”

That shattered something in (M/N), “Well maybe you should’ve asked her out instead of me!” (M/N) replied, wanting to sound normal but his voice faltering as it slightly cracked in between sentences. “Well maybe I should’ve!” Peter snapped back “At least then I wouldn't have to pretend to love somebody I don't!” Shit. It all hit Peter so fast as soon as the words left his mouth, he felt ill and sick to his stomach, his regrets crawling on his skin as he saw the other man's eyes lose their spark..their shine. 

“Wait (M/N) – I didn’t mean that I swear it was just the heat of the moment. I promise I love you; I always have but these past few weeks have been stressful between work and Spider-Man” Peter tried to explain the slip up, but it was too late. (M/N) wasn’t taking it as Peter's heart shattered seeing the other’s eyes coat that pinkish color as tears escaped his eyes, Peter's own starting to form tears as well. “(M/N)...”

“Save it, Peter…I think you’ve cleared things up plenty” (M/N) whispered his voice broken as the man got up his seat and left, leaving Peter behind at the booth alone to think about what had just happened. 

┗ •◦இ•◦ ┛

[ch0k3herwithaseaview]

@jegulus-microfic | feb 29 address | words 1881

hi, so this one is so fucking long, i don’t even know how it happened. anyways, hope you’ll enjoy it :3

first part | previous part

Reg

So

Will you be there tonight?

James looked at the message he received almost half an hour ago and for the hundredth time deleted his response.

‘Of course I’ll be there’ sounded too eager. ‘Yeah’ was out of question with it being too dry. ‘I’ll try to make it’ was just mean, like when you have a big event at school and your parents say that exact line, and you just feel like shit. So he sat there, on his couch, contemplating how to answer the man he apparently fancies. He thought the crush went away with them going separate ways after school, but oh well. With just one dinner, all the feelings came back, making him feel like a teenager again.

He deleted another answer when Regulus texted him again.

Reg

You know I can see you typing then changing your mind over and over again, right?

And that, ladies and gentlemen, was his chance to keep this from getting any weirder.

James

yeah i know sorry about that

and answering the first question yes ill be there

:)

With that, he threw his phone as far away from himself as he could and went to have a crisis while taking a shower. And don’t get him wrong - he really wanted to be there, to see the art Regulus makes, but at the same time he didn’t want to make a fool of himself. He liked Reg, he wanted to get to know him again after all those years they haven’t talked. And yet, he was still afraid he would fuck it up somehow.

“No you won’t” he said to his reflection in the mirror. “You won’t, just pull yourself together. And don’t act weird, just… be who you are. If he doesn’t like it, back off.”

After that little motivational talk, James started to get ready properly. He did his skincare routine, tried to (and failed) tame the nest on his head, also known as hair, and went to the closet to find something suitable for the occasion. How does one even dress for opening?

Having no better option, James decided to do the most stupid thing he could do.

“What are you wearing tonight?” he asked without any greeting. On the other side he heard the most feral laughter ever and just groaned at it. “It’s not funny, I really don’t know!” the laughter became even more hysterical, so James just stood in the middle of his closet, waiting for Sirius to calm down.

“Oh god, this is too good” his best friend chuckled a little breathlessly. “Are you trying to impress my brother or what?”

“I’m not trying to impress anyone, I just… what should I wear? To not look like an idiot?” more giggles from Sirius.

“Yeah, well, me and Moony are going in our usual clothes, so maybe something in between?”

“You mean I should go as a slutty grandpa?” James grumbled. His bestie just barked another laugh at that.

“Yes, exactly! Hope I helped, gotta go, see you there” and the call ended.

It actually did help, to his surprise. He put on a maroon turtleneck, paired it with suit trousers and his favourite red converse. The entire outfit, although simple, seemed to emphasise his muscles, giving the exact result James was aiming for. He put three golden hoops in his ear and finally felt ready.

Grabbing the phone from the armchair it landed on, James check if Regulus sent any new messages - he did.

Reg

I’m glad.

Don’t overdress, it’s a casual event, nothing fancy.

Do you know where to go?

Should I send you the address?

?

Hello?

Are you alive?

James, it’s been more than an hour, are you alright?

James smiled at all of this, quickly replying with ‘yes everythings good the shower took longer than it should pls send the address’.

***

He arrived at a small local art gallery, where the opening took place. As soon as James got out of his car, Remus and Sirius spotted him, practically running in his direction. The shorter man, dressed in a silk shirt, unbuttoned halfway down his chest, and tight jeans (all black, of course), jumped into his arms, screaming excitedly, like he hasn’t seen him in a while (since yesterday). From behind, Sirius’ fiancé rolled his eyes, smirking at their antics.

“Fancy seeing you here, Prongs” Remus said cheekily, when the long-haired man came to his side. It was James’ turn to roll his eyes.

“Are we coming in or are we just gonna stand here and freeze?” Sirius asked, snuggling closer to Remus.

“You should’ve dressed accordingly to the weather. I’m feeling petty so - Moony, would you mind giving me a fag?” James chirped sweetly, batting his lashes at the taller man.

He didn’t give him the cigarette, what’s with his shivering partner, so they just walked in to the gallery.

James spotted Regulus immediately. He was wearing a dark green sweater with a white collar sticking out from under it, black trousers and low Docs. He looked innocent and hot at the same time. He could see the younger man noticing him, too, when his lips turned into a little smile.

“Hi, Little Star” Reg snorted at that, and that was all he had to do to get himself a wide grin from James.

“Hello, James. Thank you for coming” came the slightly amused answer. They scanned each other for a second. From up close Regulus looked even better, James thought.

“You look good, I mean, like, very good” Reg chuckled softly at that and the other man melted a little.

“You look good, too” younger man replied, his cheeks turning slightly pink.

Their moment was interrupted by Sirius barging in, saying how proud of his little brother he is, while ruffling Reg’s hair. Even though he didn’t like it, Regulus hasn’t voiced his displeasure. It was nice of him, really.

Not long after, some professor welcomed everyone from the middle of the room, talking about all the hard work his students put into this exhibition and how glad he was to see so many people coming to appreciate that work. Some ovations. Then they were free to admire the pieces. Most of them were paintings, but there were also sculptures and some photographs.

The theme of the exhibition was ‘love’, so the students presented how they perceived it - some in a cute way, whit elderly couples sitting on a bench or some places they loved, but there were also darker ones, presenting the topic as suffocating or painful. James felt sorry for all those people who suffered because of something that should have been beautiful.

When they finally reached Regulus’ pieces James felt something warm crawling inside his chest. He didn’t immediately understand them, since Reg created abstract art, but the longer he looked the more he could see. On the first one there were spots of paint that must’ve been two cuddled figures in the dark place, surrounded by a little light, just around them, like a halo. James thought it must represent how Regulus felt about his brother, what was confirmed as he spotted Sirius’ eyes glistening in the bright lights of the gallery.

The second one was brighter, like it was some kind of meadow maybe? There also were smudges of paint in different colours - some of them lighter others darker. Those probably were Regulus’ friends and James had an urge to comment on that one.

“That’s so cute. They must’ve loved it so much” he said, looking down at Regulus. “Where are they, by the way?”

“They will come later, when there’s not so many people so we can really discuss others works” the younger man replied simply. “We’ll probably just end up laughing at them, really” he added with a shrug.

At that James pretend to be outraged, gasping and putting a hand to his chest.

“Oh! Am I not worthy of laughing at other people’s art with you? Tell me how can I be granted this privilege, I’ll do anything!” He kept up his act, grabbing Regulus by the shoulders, bending his knees like a sufferer begging for water.

The younger of Black brother looked at him, trying real hard to not look amused, but his eyes were giving him away.

“You’re pathetic” he said, not even a little bite to it. To be honest he sounded a little like he was enjoying James’ antics.

“Yet, you like me so much you managed to rob your own brother of my number” James said it like he was plotting something. “And you wanted to rob me of my time, the audacity.”

“Please stop” the shorter man buried his face in his hands. “Don’t mention it ever again” he added, a little muffled by the hands. He had really nice hands, James noticed.

“Oh, I will not stop till the day I die.”

They moved to the third piece and- oh. James might not be the brightest person alive, but he knew what was on the last painting. It was similar to the other two they saw earlier, smudges of paint in different shades creating two figures. The figures were hugging, not like the first ones, but more like lovers trying to become one. One person was rather pale, contrasting with the other who looked tanned. Their hair was black and deep brown, respectively.

James looked at it with awe, felt the butterflies waking up in his stomach and flying freely all over his body. He looked at Regulus, but the other man hasn’t met his eyes, staring straight ahead at his work. James noticed he turned a pretty shade of reddish pink on every bit of his face. His own lips turned into a big fucking grin. He wanted to reach out, touch Regulus, hug him, anything really.

Unfortunately, from behind him came Sirius’ gasp and then excited “Oh my god, Reggie, you painted me and Moony? Oh, that is so lovely, can I have it later?”

James, Remus and Regulus looked at the man at the same time, each one with a deep frown, not believing how delusional Sirius is. As if they shared a brain cell, all three of them nodded in agreement to not lead him astray.

Regulus cleared his throat, and turning to his brother he said “Yes, that’s you and Remus, and no, you cannot take it.”

As the older turned to stare daggers at the younger, they just started bickering about who should have the painting, Remus and James looking at them with amusement.

After some time Regulus’ friends came and the three older man ushered to exit so the younger guys could have fun together. Just before they left, James approached Regulus one last time, cheeky smile on his lips.

“Sirius and Moony, huh?” it earned him an eye roll and a sheepish ‘shut up’. He just smiled wider and leaned down to whisper in Reg’s ear, feeling the black-haired man’s breath hitching “Text me when you get home.”

With that he walked backwards in the general direction of the exit, still looking at Regulus who looked positively stunned. James winked at him and Reg, after waking from the haze, flipped him off. James just chuckled at that loudly, turning to the door.

[equallyshaw]

star crossed lovers au | connor bedard x kailey hughes au ↳ new years with you.

↳ part of the star crossed lovers au! ↳ au masterlist!

warnings: none! word count: 2.4k+

the two had not been able to stop texting each other over her holiday break, and ellen quickly caught on.

"hey kailey...just go. go back to chicago." she said the morning of the 31st. "what?" kailey questioned, looking up from her cinnamon rolls and egg. ellen just laughed, "go to chicago. see whoever you haven't been able to stop talking to. im sure becca would love to join you, too!" ellen said bringing her coffee mug to her lips. kailey's eyebrows crinkled, "uh, i don't know what you're talking about." she tried to play off. jim from the living room laughed. "don't lie kiwi, but you also don't have to tell us." he said walking into the kitchen. he plucked a cinnamon roll from the plate, "ill even give you gas money." he mused, before she rolled her eyes. "go go! we wont be upset, our friends invited us over across the street tonight, so we wont be upset if you do go." ellen said trying to get through to persuade her daughter. kailey sighed before giving them a small smile, "alright, ill make a couple calls." she said getting up from her stool and headed upstairs.

an hour later, she was on the road and off to chicago. her body grew with nerves, each mile she passed and each border she crossed. as soon as she was back in the city, she picked up her friend from her friend's house and the two were on the way back to their apartment in the loop. "are we meeting with connor and his teammates?" she questioned, and kailey shrugged. "im waiting for a response, though tessa reached out to me a few weeks ago after alex saw us and invited us out. I've missed her." she said throwing her bags down by the door, and headed towards the washroom. "did you not stop once?" becca teased, as kailey came out. kailey did not respond, which made becca laugh. "hughes genes are strong apparently." she teased and kailey shook her head. "im going to nap, and then we will get ready starting at 8?" she questioned, and becca nodded.

_

the team was at soho house in the west loop, and tessa quickly went to go fetch them from the door. "hi!!!" she said pulling kailey into a bone-crushing hug, and then hugged becca after introducing herself. "did he ever get back to you?" the blonde questioned the other blonde, and kailey shook her head. "what?!" she asked before looking over at becca, who nodded in agreement. "i know! he's being an ass." becca said and tessa grinned, she pulled the two by the hand towards the bar. "add it to our tab, the team is paying for everything." tessa mused, and becca didn't need to be told twice. kailey nodded softly and without effort, she saw connor from behind tessa. he was in the middle of a animated conversation with alex, who only grinned when the two of them made eye contact. he lifted his drink, as if to say hi. kailey blushed turning away quickly, and a little too quickly. connor had followed alex's gaze towards the littlest hughes. connor felt heat rush to his cheeks, before looking back at alex who only grinned. "did you get back to her?" alex questioned, drinking a bit. connor shook his head, "well good thing tessa already invited her out a few weeks back." alex mused and connor nodded. "go. ill make talk with somebody else, but just please put yourself out of misery and speak to her." alex said before giving him a subtle push towards kailey. connor rolled his eyes with a small smile, before heading over towards the three girls who were on their way over.

"connor! oh, where did alex go?" tessa nodded and connor pointed over towards his direction. tessa walked off, with becca in tow as kailey stayed in her place. "hi connor." she said with a smile. "hey." he responded, feeling somewhat awkward. "i uh, im gonna go head with them." she said about to step past him, but he grabbed her hand. she looked down at it, before meeting his gaze; which was already directed towards her. she now felt herself blush, "do you want to find a quieter place?" he questioned, and she nodded allowing him to pull her through the crowd and towards the coffee bar, in the next room. he pulled her through, not letting her hand fall from his. once they exited the room, he still didn't let go. the two found a few other couples or dates, in the coffee bar booths and they took the last empty one. "you good with your drink or do you want a coffee?" he questioned, and she shook her head. "im good, but thankyou." she said and he nodded going off to get a small cup of expresso for himself. she sat down in the booth, and texted becca that her and connor went to the coffee bar in case becca needed her for anything.

connor sat back down, as she put her phone on dnd. "so! what have you gotten up to this winter break?" he questioned sweetly, "nothing much honestly. lots of reading and writing, and getting some much-needed quiet time with my parents. just me and them." she mused, sipping her seltzer. "did your brothers come home?" he questioned, and she shook her head no. "nah, my parents though flew to new jersey and i went to vancouver to be with quinn. he was thoroughly surprised to see me." she smiled softly. "my parents surprised me with tickets to go see him since they knew i was pretty bummed, to have not seen him since summer." she said leaning back in the booth a bit. "did your parents come? i know you said your sister was here, already?" she asked and he nodded. "yeah, they flew out with my grandparents. it was really nice to have a few days off with them." he smiled. she nodded, "why didn't you respond to my text today? it seemed as if everything was going fine and then you left me on read." she blurted and he cringed. "i uh..-" she cut him off, "don't lie to me connor please. I've had too many people lie to me in my life and i don't feel like adding you to that list." she said giving him an unenthused look. he'd be sure to ask her about that, later.

"i was nervous." he said and her eyebrows creased, "nervous? what for?" she questioned leaning on her elbows. "i was uh nervous, seeing you person... after getting to know you these past few weeks." he said and she giggled, "i hope its good nerves. hopefully i didn't spook you." she said teasing a bit. he shook his head, "no all good. good nerves because..because I've uh grown feelings for you and despite kevin saying you liked me back, i didn't believe him." he said blushing like a fool. "why don't you believe it?" she questioned with a soft glint of humor. he didn't speak for a second, trying to gauge if she was saying what he thought she was saying. "i like you connor..i thought i was being obvious." she said grinning, and connor shook his head whilst blushing. "sorry mr. number one overall, sorry i didn't just come out and say it. i was trying to be organic about it." she teased, and he laughed. "you can take a breather con, everything is okay." she said taking his right hand in hers, and his breath paused for a brief second at the way she said con. "no i know, i just didn't think there would be any reason to like me." he said and her heart fell, did he really think so lowly of himself?

"hey hey, don't say that. i promise there is much to like about you." she said softly rubbing her thumb with his. "especially beyond hockey, you're.. mysterious in the best and most innocent ways." she said sweetly, taking another sip of her drink. "you're also really easy to make blush, i find that endearing." she gushed as connor rolled his eyes playfully. she was about to say something more, but her phone began to ring. her eyebrows crinkled, flipping over her phone and rolled her eyes.

"yes?" she questioned pulling the phone to her ear. "hey kiwi, i tried texting you but your phone is on dnd and i wanted to make sure you were good." she smiled softly over quinns concern. "yes q, im out with becca and a few friends." she said and caught connor's eye. "where are you guys at?" he questioned, and she chuckled. "were at soho house, why?" she questioned. "just curious, but wanted to say happy new years incase you fall asleep before it rang on my coast." he said. "you're probably right though, about that. but happy new years q ill talk to you tomorrow." she hummed before they hung up.

"sorry quinn was just checking in on me." she said turning her phone off dnd, and then looked up at connor. "very brotherly of him." he mused, sipping the expresso that was just set down. she shrugged, "he does the least amount of 'hovering' so its appreciated from time to time." she said sarcastically. "things still rough with jack?" he questioned, referring to the fight her and jack had just had about him being to engrossed in her life. by that, it meant that jack had been nagging her recently, like he used to do growing up. "i could kill him." she said annoyed, before sipping more of her drink. "he's such a child, its comical." she huffed, shaking her head. connor nodded, "and then luke, oh my god i wanted to tell him off the other day. he just was pushing my buttons, begging me to come for tonight but he just couldn't or didn't want to take the word no." she said pulling a piece of hair behind her ear. he shook his head amused, "laugh all you want bedard." she mused sarcastically. he held up his free hand in innocence as people began to count down from 30. "is it really midnight, already?" she said looking around and saw the coffee bar empty. they were the only two left.

connor looked around and saw exactly what he was looking for to be empty. he stood up and held out his hand for her. she took it, an eyebrow-raising. he then led her over to the photobooth, and she giggled. "seriously?" she asked amused. he nodded, "yeah, didn't you say it was your dream to do one of these? you said it was very, '80's.'" he said pretending to think hardly, causing her to giggle. "yes, very!" she smiled as he sat down first. he then held his arms wide for her, and she smiled feeling herself blush. "i wont bite, i promise." he said and she nodded, stepping and sitting down on his lap. "lets figure out how to do this thing." he muttered more to himself than her, and she then pressed the button on the screen. "like that was hard." she said grinning down at him as the camera went off, then she looked forward doing a fish pout, before looking down at once more. then she wrapped her hand around his face, pulling him closer and pressed their lips together. ofcourse, right as midnight rolled around. they pulled apart only a few inches, resting their foreheads to giggle as they laughed. "i cant believe that just happened." she whispered, peering into his blue eyes. "you're kinda cute from this angle." she teased, "kinda?" he taunted, pinching her sides just a bit causing her to laugh loudly and flying around in his gasp. "stop stop stop! connor!" she said as he tickled her just a bit before the only way she could stop him, was by pulling him in for another kiss.

she pulled away from him, and then hopped out before he could tickle her again. "wait! don't move." she grinned, leaning in the booth. "i want some of just you, so that when you're away i can have you with me, always." she said before pressing the screen to begin, and then shut the blind. all connor could do was smile and chuckle just a bit at her forwardness. the flashes ended, and she quickly grabbed the picture's to inspect them.

she smiled down at them, and connor wrapped an arm around her waist from behind and rested his chin on her shoulder. "you're adorable, connor bedard." she smiled looking over at him. his cheeks flushed, as she put the pictures in her bag. "for safekeeping." she teased, moving a strand of hair from covering his eyes. "anywho. lets go back to our friends." she said now taking hold of his hand, and leading him back to the bar area.

"there you are! we i have to show you something." becca beamed, pulling the young blonde away from connor. she looked back at him before they lost sight of each other.

"where are you taking me?" she said as becca pulled her outside towards the rooftop, and then kailey smiled. the cooler air, traveling up and down her body at rapid speed. her pale body covered with goosebumps as she peered at the fireworks going off at navy pier. becca wrapped an arm around her best friend, "i cant believe that we've only dreamed of this our whole lives." becca gushed, as the two thought back to when they were 7 living in toronto and planned to move to a big city when they were older, and promised to go to the same college together. "who'd a thought?" kailey hummed, thinking back to the last few years, and how she had gotten to this point in her life. "here's to another year of friendship." kailey said sweetly, and becca smiled. "here's to another year of tormenting your brothers." she joked and that made kailey laugh out loud.

"becca! kailey!" they heard tessa behind them, and then they saw some of the younger players come up behind her. tessa smiled taking in the city of chicago, and without notice, connor's hand had found hers as becca moved away from her. she looked up at the taller hockey player, who was already looking down at her. she pulled his hand behind her back, resting her head in his shoulder. she felt his head rest on her's, as the two looked out at the west loop neighborhood.

in the middle of it all, she'd found connor. through all the madness of her life and school, she'd found him. and its most likely safe to say, the same thing for him.

thaaaat was longer than i intended it to be lol, hope you enjoyed tho!!

[sister-lucifer]

i raaarely send asks, and not to sound like a fanboy, but OHHHH MY GODS I LOVE YOUR WORK SO MUCH!!! your fics r genuinely one of my faves (seriously i love your writing style) and the characters from your dating sim have such cool designs...

might i ask — what's your creative process? and how long have you been writing for? i'm just curious bwahaha

yall are being so nice to me tonight what 😭😭 thank u omg i needed to hear that jsksjsjsjjdjdhu

please don’t worry about sounding like a fanboy i really enjoy and appreciate it

my creative process is sort of …hard to explain. some of my ideas are fully original, but i’d say about 2/3 of them are at least partly inspired by other media; a few times it’s been other fics, but usually it’s fanart or sometimes i decide to yoink the framework of an idea form a movie or tv show or game to build around and make my own. my creative brain is just going 24/7, so i’m always taking in new ideas, its just that most of them don’t inspire me and get thrown out, but the ones that do inspire me get filed away for later

my ideas list for fics is very long right now. as you could imagine

i’ve also found that there’s a sweet spot between ‘writing an idea as soon as i get it’ and ‘sitting on an idea so long i have no motivation.’ if i write the second i have an idea, it won’t be developed enough, and i’ll get stuck trying to smooth out all the rough patches as i write, which will discourage me because ill get frustrated trying to force it. i like to let my ideas marinate a bit, give me time to do some mental planning and naturally develop the ideas to patch up all the plot holes. then i write when it feels natural to, instead of making myself because i haven’t written in a while. for me it’s all about just trusting my mind and writing only when i have the energy, motivation, and inspiration, because forcing myself just gets me nowhere

basically, i just try to keep my mind open, because ideas are everywhere if you look, and i let myself work at my own pace

also i’ve been writing since…basically forever? for as long as i can remember, even when my age was in the single digits, i constantly created original characters and wrote stories about and with both them and characters from my favorite TV shows (which at the time was like. TMNT and wild kratts). i only started getting serious and posting my writing + writing smut like two years ago though, but even since then i’ve come a loooong way. i’m much better at writing sex scenes now. holy shit, i used to be terrible 😭😭 but we all have to start somewhere i guess

thank you for your ask! i really appreciate questions like this. it’s little things like this that push writers and artists like me to keep going:]

[schizononagesimus]

alright so now that im not staying with the friends id been staying with since September it's time to start the homeless diaries wahoooo! /s

the homeless diaries, night 1, 15th Dec 2024:

friends paid for me to stay in a hotel for the night because no one else could take me in tonight. the hotel is nice but i had to phone a friend for help with the incidental charges they put on your card temporarily. spent a whole $11 on an uber (so im down to $25ish) to get here because i have so many bags... my partner is storing my main stuff so i can travel light while couchsurfing but i have some bags of food friends made for or donated to me since the food pantry had literally nothing but four cans of condensed milk.

im really anxious but im gonna try to just let it wash over me and take advantage of the amenities while im here. tomorrow night ill stay with a friend until i fly out for a family reunion on thursday... which i will maintain that it's stupid my grandfather would rather fly me on vacation than help me with food and shelter but whatever, it's somewhere to sleep and food is free for a few days.

but seriously, cant overstate the bags thing. im so anxious about it. im disabled and theyre so heavy, and already theyre so full because i had to pack as much as i could into a duffel bag and a backpack. my backpack's right strap has been trying to come off for years so i sewed it again and im hoping it stays together because i cant afford a new one. im nervous about trying to get to my friend's house tomorrow by train but an uber would also be more money than i have from here to there, so im just gonna have to... cope.

i have the second and final interview for a job im in the running for on wednesday, really excited about that! was worried i wouldnt have a private space to take the interview but i cheesed it with my alumni status at my undergrad's library.

when i get back from my trip im not sure where im gonna go for christmas eve or day but ill be staying with my partner for a couple weeks after... and then come january im screwed all over again, but that's not something i can do anything about this very second.

other than that... im just gonna try to chill. not much im in the position to worry about right now. food is managed, housing is as under control as it can be. im hoping I'll get some money for the holidays. i hopefully will have a job soon.

guideline #1: stay alive.

[twisted-art-wounders]

YGO AU: Breaking the Seal 07

Chapter 7 Sprouts After Yugi gets an invitation form Pegasus he and gang head to America hoping for answers, but Pegasus finds danger in form of someone he wasn't expecting to.

Once Yugi announced his plans to take the plane to America to see Pegasus it didn't take long for his other friends to agree to join him on his journey, something Yugi was quite pleased to hear. He wasn't too happy about making this trip alone so having his friends at his side once more gave him confidence. They all agreed to meet at the air port tomorrow at 7 am for their flight, Yugi would get details on the flight later on with a phone call form a representative from Industrial Illusions.

Meanwhile just outside of Yugi's house Rex and Weevil sat in the bushes listening in on the entire conversation as well thanks to a well placed bug on Yugi's living room window. They were both upset at the news of Yugi being invited by Pegasus and would be able to see where all the rare cards were.

Rex imagining that Yugi and his friends would be treated to tons of rare cards all for themselves curdosey of Pegasus himself. It made Rex furious thinking about how lucky Yugi and his friends were to have so much good fortune, Weevil on the other hand had a plan that would allow them to follow them to America unnoticed, he chuckled to himself.

That night everyone was busying trying to pack their bags for the trip ahead; Tea wondered how long the trip would be putting a few shirts into her suitcase she looked over at a poster of “Dark Magician Girl in the Moonlight” A Broadway play she saw a few years ago that helped inspire her into wanting to play that role herself. She couldn't believe she was going back to America so soon, meanwhile Tristan was struggling to pack his own suit case not sure exactly what he should pack for the trip.

Joey was more or less packed for the trip and was on the phone giving Serenity an update about him being away for a while and for her not to worry about him. Just as he hung up the phone it rang again so he answered thinking it was Serenity asking him something but was surprised at the voice on the other end.

“Hello?”

“Hey~ long time to speak Wheeler.”

Joey froze “M-Mai? Is that you?”

“Of course it's me dummy! Have you forgotten my lovely voice already?” Mai huffed half jokingly.

After Battle City just before she left; Mai had snuck a card with her phone number on the back into Joey's duel disk, when he got home he noticed the number with a note saying “If you need someone to talk to, I'm just a call away- Mai”. It took Joey a few tries to work up the courage to call her but when he did it made him happy to hear her voice. He decided to made it a habit of calling her once in a while to get updates and to chat generally. He totally forgot he needed to call her tonight and explain things.

“W-what of course not! W-whatsup?” Joey fumbled a bit trying to regain his composer.

“Not much, just landed in California after being stuck in the air for last 15 hours! Ugh those monster sightings have been nothing but a pain!” Mai growled.

Joey paused for a moment “Wait you're in California right now?”

“Yeah, I just told you that a second ago! Keep up Wheeler.”

“No! I know it's just I'm heading out there tomorrow morning!”

“Get out really! Why did you win a trip or something?” Mai was excited now.

“No no! It's a long story! But we're flying out to meet with Pegasus!”

“Pegasus? Why'd he do something like that?” Mai started to sound a bit concerned since she knew Pegasus was still a dangerous man to be around and after Duelist Kingdom and him falling ill suddenly -or so she heard- it had her worried.

“Again long story but I think he needs Yugi's help and me and others are going for back up, I think he knows something about whats been going on with all those monsters appearing and the crazy weather! Did Pegasus call for you too?”

Mai paused then replied “No. I'm here on vacation. But I'd be more then happy to give you guys a lift to Industrial Illusions after you land.”

“Naw Mai you don't gotta disrupt your trip for us! I beat they'll send a cab over or something.”

“Too late! I'm already gonna rent a car! I'll be at the air port waiting~” Mai hummed.

“Well if you insist! I'll call you with the details once we're at the airport in Domino! See ya then Mai!” Joey smiled.

“See ya!” Mai then hung up the phone placing it down, she was seated at the airport bar with a colourful cocktail she was working on. She was decked out in full vacation gear; a sundress, tall heeled sandals, a hat and large sunglasses. She took a sip off her drink then stirred it with the straw.

//Calling Yugi out of no where…what game you playing now, Pegasus?//

-- Finally Yugi had packed the last of his items into his duffle bag and suit case, he zipped the bag up then he saw the key card setting on his desk so he got up to go and pick it up.

“Oh yeah can't forget this! “Key of Illusion” I wonder what it's for?” Yugi looked at the card then faced the other Yugi who had just appeared beside him. “Hey other me-” Yugi then noticed he looked very distracted like something was on his mind.

Yugi walk over in front of him and asked “Hello? Is something on your mind?”

Yami then looked up then at his partner “Oh! What is it partner?”

“Whats on your mind?” He asked directly only for Yami to try and sake his question off saying

“Nothing”

“You're lying, Your keeping something to yourself!”

Yami signed with a smile “Partner…I can't hide anything form you. I was thinking about our new enemies. Who are they what do they want with us?”

Yami looked down again //If only I hadn't lost my memories, I may have known who they are…//

“You're doing it again!” Yugi pointed to him making Yami look up at Yugi.

“Don't hide how you feeling. There are too many things I don't know either…” Yugi hugged himself a bit.

“I have a bad feeling about all of this…Something is coming and I'm worried! What's going to happen?” Yugi's eyes wavered in fear looking deeply into them you could see they were beginning become de-saturated more muted…Yugi then fell to his knees unable to stand up.

“Partner!” Yami yelled and got on his own knees placing his hands on Yugi's shoulders, Yugi looked up at him as his skin was looking more pale making Yami's eyes widen.

“Partner! we still didn't tell our friends…about your soul.” Yami looked down at Yugi who was trembling a bit but still looked up at him with a weak smile.

“We have enough things to worry about! My friends don't need to know yet…” Yugi grabbed onto the side of his bed and used it to lift himself up and stand again.

“okay enough talk tonight! We have new journey ahead tomorrow after all!”

Yugi walked towards the light switch in his room and shut it off “Let's get some rest!, Good night Other me!”

Yami looked up at the newly fixed window, the moon was high that night but his worries still plagued him. He just couldn't forget that Yugi's life was still in danger and Yugi ironically was trying to avoid talking about it as much as possible but what could he do? He couldn't force his partner to talk if he didn't want to, Yugi was always quite avoidant of a subjects like this. Yami just signed and returned to the puzzle.

--

Dartz watched the wall with the statues that held the three Eyptcain god cards in their mouths, with their god now reborn into this world it was time to start feeding it with the strong souls of duelists. Dartz thought about how Yugi had managed to summon Timeaus the legendary dragon and used it power to escape his capture by the hands of their god.

“Even if he's manage to release that dragon, it wont matter I already got my claws into the vessel.”

Dartz grinned as he could feel the pulse of negative energy now emitting form the deck that sat in Yugi's soul room, Yugi himself completely unaware of their sinister purpose.

“Raphael!” Dartz yelled as his tallest swordsmen walked up and knelt before him.

“Yes Master Dartz, I'll find and capture the Nameless Pharaoh's soul to feed our god.” Raphael stated

Dartz huffed and turned around to face him now a look of annoyance on his face “We need MORE then just the Nameless Pharaoh's soul, We need the souls of STRONG duelists!”

Alister then walked out form behind the pillar standing beside Raphael “Then I'll go after Seto Kaiba.”

Valon soon joined them from the other side of the room “And I'll take care of Joey Wheeler! I beat he's got to be worth something he did make it to top 4 of Battle City after all.”

Alister glared over at Valon “Pfft figures you go for the easiest target.”

Valon growled and glared back towards Alister with the same venom in his voice and pointed “You're one to talk! Why're you going after Mr. Bronze Metal? Too scared to hunt down Ishtar for a real battle?”

Alister simply turned away and closed his eyes “I have my reasons, Valon.” he replied.

“Oh really?” Valon hissed again before Raphael broke them both up.

“Knock it off! We're in the presence of Master Dartz.” He scolded both of his fellow swordsmen.

Dartz had enough of hearing his swordsmen bicker and decided it was time to move forward with his plans.

“The Nameless Pharaoh is on his way to speak with Pegasus, another duelist with a strong soul. I've already made arrangements for him.” Dartz went into his pocket and pulled out a small object, he scanned his three swordsmen and picked Alister

“Alister!” he yelled then tossed object towards him, Alister was alert and caught the object in his hands quickly.

Sitting in his palm was a tear drop shaped shard of the Orichalcos stone, Alister looked over to Dartz puzzled. He already had his own stone in form of necklace around his neck why did he need another one?

“Head over to Pegasus but do not duel him just await my instructions, Do you understand?” Dartz barked at all three of his minions.

Both Alister and Valon now knelt down in same way Raphael currently was, all three held their heads down acknowledging him in unison.

“Yes, sir.”

-- Yugi had found himself back in his subconscious again, at least that's what he thought… he was expecting some kind of horrible climate to await him like past two times but this time he was greeted to a patch of wild greenery. He followed the green patch amazed to see all this life had spring up in what was once a dessert now it more resemble a jungle! Yugi moved a few plants aside trying to look over the canopy to find the greenhouse, which he did spot at the entrance of the jungle far in the distance. He'd hoped to just follow it and end up at the building but the flora soon become far too overwhelming for him to see almost anything.

Yugi was feeling frustrated as he made his way past tons of green plants so he yelled out

“Dartz! Are you here? I can't find the greenhous-” Yugi tripped and went for a bit of tumble before landing right at the foot of his new friend in the purple suit.

“D-Dartz!” Yugi smiled sheepishly trying to pick himself up only for the tall man to reach down and pulled Yugi up onto his feet.

“My that was quiet the tumble you took Yugi!” Dartz chuckled watching Yugi dust himself off pulling out a few loose leaves that attached themselves to him.

He then looked around at all the greenery and commented “Man this place gets greener and greener every time I come here…”

“That is a result of your healing, my child.” Dartz walked towards a clearing in the green space were an open patio with a white table and set of chairs, on top of the table was a pot of tea and set of cups waiting for them.

“My healing? My mind made all this just because I'm healing?” Yugi watched Dartz walk over to the table and gesture for him to take a seat which he did.

“Indeed and the more you heal the greater this place becomes, able to thrive and grow freely.” Dartz took a seat now and poured out a cup of tea for Yugi.

Yugi was still amazed with just how much his mind could do without him even knowing it. If it could do all this with just one session of healing with Dartz just imagine what it will be like when he's fully healed, that thought alone gave Yugi hope for the future. Dartz added the typical milk and sugar to Yugi's cup before handing it over to him.

“So tell me what is new for you?” Dartz stirred his cup crossing one leg over the other as he looked at Yugi.

Yugi smiled and began to tell Dartz all about what happened the night after he returned to his waking mind. He told him about going into the other Yugi's room and finding a door that lead them to the Duel Monsters world, the Dark Magician Girl telling him and Pharaoh they where chosen to release an ancient dragon named Timeaus. Who then saved him form being taken away by the evil eye of a monster that appeared in the sky over the city.

Finally he told him about Pegasus's message to him and how he was going to America in the morning, and how Dartz's reading was correct and how happy he was they where finally making some headway in this whole experience.

Dartz was smiling the entire time as Yugi excitedly told him about these events.

“My oh my such big developments for you! But something…is different about you Yugi…” Dartz took a sip of his own tea “Is something…missing?”

The echo of that word 'missing' rang in Yugi's ears making his fingers shake a bit, trying to keep a hold his tea cup. Yugi nodded and sipped his tea as best he could.

“Yes…Dartz the new enemy has stolen half of my soul! Dark Magician Girl said that if I don't get it back…I- I could…” Yugi swallowed hard as she had to place the cup back down to keep it form spilling. He tried to steady himself by putting his hands on the table to keep them stable but they just kept shacking.

Dartz placed a hand over Yugi's own only then were they able to be at rest, Yugi looked up at Dartz a few tears in his eyes. Dartz looked back at him his mismatched eyes staring into Yugi seemed to make him pay attention and listen to him carefully.

“You will not die my child. You're going to see Pegasus after all…he should hold some answers for you.”

Yugi rubbed his eyes the nodded “Y-yeah he should…” Yugi looked down a bit frightened.

Dartz watched him and tilted his head. “Do you not believe he has answers for you?”

“No-no! I know he must have some answers it's just…” Yugi trailed off a bit and looked at his tea, he picked it up and took a big sip. Placing the cup down again he breathed in then out and continued.

“Pegasus isn't exactly what you'd call a friend…he was my enemy before…” Yugi sighed.

“Oh? Tell me more…” Dartz leaned in his hand resting on his chin.

“Well…it all started with a video tape he sent me…” Yugi continued telling Dartz about how he had a duel with Pegasus using that same VHS tape and how he used his own shadow powers to imprint a piece of his soul into the tape, being and Millennium item user he could do so. After the duel was lost by the other Yugi Pegasus used a punishment game that took Yugi's grandfather's soul and forced him into having to go to Duelist Kingdom in order to save him.

He talked about Weevil tricking him and tossing his Exodia cards into the ocean; he talked about how his other friend Bakura was also an Millennium item holder and used his powers to trap him and his friends souls into cards and they had to play a life or death game for their lives. Yugi was shaking again by the time he started to talk about how Pegasus stole Kaiba's younger brother Mokuba's soul and forced him and Kaiba into a duel that resulted in Kaiba nearly throwing himself off the top of the castle if he didn't win…and that the other Yugi was going to do it…He was going to attack Kaiba and let him die just to win!

At that point Yugi was in tears having to remember that moment broke his heart, he knew it was a long time ago but the pain and fear and shame of it all came flooding back to him. He put his head on the table and sobbed into his arms. Dartz watched with a grin on his face but hid it again once he came closer and reached out rubbing Yugi's back.

“My poor child…I had no idea he'd done such horrid things to you! How dare he harm you and you're friends! Shame on him!” Dartz continued to rub Yugi's back as he lifted his head a bit and sniffled.

“Yes…he was awful…but-but now he doesn't have his Millennium Eye anymore…”

“Indeed…so you have nothing to fear of him…” Dartz rubbed Yugi's shoulders a bit before he stood up “and yet still…you're afraid to face him…”

Yugi sat up more and rubbed his eyes “Y-yes.. I know it's so stupid! Why am I so scared to face him?”

“As I've told you before Yugi trauma has away of digging into us…it holds onto us and makes us cautious of everything, even when there's nothing to be afraid of…but we can over come our trauma's in different ways correct?” Dartz turned to Yugi who nodded this made Dartz smile.

“Now why don't I help you over come your fear of Pegasus so you can face him head on when you meet with him…” Dartz held out his arm and duel disk appeared on it.

Yugi got up intrigued with how he was going to help him with a duel disk of all things. “Uhh how is this going to-”

Dartz chuckled “Yugi I know you love to duel! And I know your an excellent strategist, you've gone over every duel you've ever played and found weak points in an opponents dueling style haven't you?”

Yugi blushed and nodded embarrassed to be called out like this; he did tend to go over past duels with the other Yugi, and just for fun they always analyzed their duel and came up with different ways to exploit loop holes in the opponents strategy and use it against them.

“And I'm sure you've found away to defeat Pegasus in your mind haven't you?” Dartz had a deck appear in his hands and started to shuffle the cards.

“Y-yeah…I mean to be honest in the final duel with him I already had the right card ready to go until…” Yugi looked away trying not to remember when the final duel became a shadow game…

Dartz finished shuffling and put the deck into the deck slot on his duel disk before activating it. “Well then now you may try it out.”

Yugi looked up confused “What do you mean?”

“Remember how you learned to face the future when you faced the tarot cards? Well it can help you over come your fears in a controlled environment.” Dartz lifted a hand up over his head and brought it down as he did his image changed to match that of Pegasus!

Yugi jumped a bit seeing that happen so quickly gave him a fright!

Dartz chuckled as his voice also changed to sound exactly how Pegasus would “I think this helps complete the the illusion? So now you may face Pegasus in an controlled environment, once you've beaten him in a duel, you'll see he's nothing to be worried about! And you'll have no reason to fear him Yugi-boy~”

Dartz lifted his hair to show the hidden eye under his hair had been replaced with a normal eye again, something the real Pegasus probably would have done by now for the sake of vanity.

“You see? Just a normal eye under all this hair!” Dartz chuckled.

Yugi swallowed the lump in his throat; he knew this wasn't really Pegasus so he didn't really have to fear him right? Plus the Millennium Eye wasn't in his eye so he was safe form a shadow game…

Yugi smiled and nodded holding out his arm he used his mind to create a duel disk.

Dartz smiled again.

“Ah I'm glad you're mastering your subconscious mind so well…Now just imagine a 40 card deck and it will appear in your duel disk but they will already be shuffled so you wont know what you get until your draw a card.”

Yugi did as he was instructed and a deck of 40 cards appeared in his deck holder on the duel disk, normally Yugi would be using the deck he used in Battle City but this time since he knew this was Pegasus he was facing he decided to try a whole new strategy,which called for a different deck entirely…

“I know Pegasus's cards already and I'll duel as closely to him as possible…are you ready Yugi-boy?” Dartz said in Pegasus' mocking tone.

Yugi glared a bit “I've been working on this one for a while…let's see if you can handle this!” Yugi activated his duel disk and drew 5 cards, Dartz also drew 5 cards.

Facing each other they both yelled out

“Duel!”

-- Back at Industrial Illusions the moon was full and high in the night sky a chilly wind blew through causing a few clouds to move across the sky coming closer to the face of the moon. Pegasus sat in his office fingers lanced together his head resting upon them, worry and fear caused his heart to race. He was alone tonight, even the cleaning staff had finished and left leaving him the soul person inside the building.

On the roof the three swordsmen of DOMA had landed and awaited just as Dartz directed them to do earlier. Alister held onto the shard while Raphael watched the sky waiting for Dartz to contact them. Valon was bored as per usual when their missions had them just be observant and not act, like a impatient child he sat on the league of the buildings roof danging his legs off on the side.

“Urgh, how much longer is he gonna make us wait? Why can't we just attack Pegasus and get it over with already?” Valon huffed.

“You heard Master Dartz we wait for his instruction. We cannot act without his permission.” Raphael stated keeping his eyes on the clouds as they began to cover the moon bathing the roof in darkness.

“If I knew you'd be so whinny I would have brought you a pocket game to keep your occupied.” Alister chuckled making Valon growl and ready to snap back with his own retort only for them to hear a voice come through the communication channel in their ear buds.

Alister answered “Yes Dartz?”

'You have arrived at Industrial Illusions? And the shard is with you?' Dartz asked.

“Yes sir we're in position and shard is with me”

'Good, now put it down on the ground in front of you and wait.'

Alister did as he was told and placed the shard down in front of him then waited. Once he did a powerful glow of green light flashed and started to crackle around the shard, it floated up and stopped about 3ft off the ground. Another flash of light followed as the stone was enveloped in the green glow, it started to grow and take on a humanoid shape.

The three swordsmen watching with intrigue as the human shape started to flesh out features; hair, eyes, a mouth, a nose, clothing and footwear. With one final flash of green light a figure stood before them but what was really shocking was who the figure resembled.

“No way…is that?” Alister started

“Yugi?” Valon finished.

The figure was a perfect copy of Yugi, especially once his eyes opened and his signature purple and orchid eyes could be seen now. The only thing he lacked was the Millennium Puzzle around his neck and fact he now had the green shard of the Orichalcos hanging form his earlobe like an earring. The copy Yugi held out his left arm and a chaos duel disk just like the one each swordsmen carried appeared on his arm.

“Dartz wants you to duel him?” Raphael said confused looking at the tiny duelists that stood before them.

“Is this some kind of a joke?” Valon asked.

“Well we have to trust Dartz's orders don't we?” Alister crossed his arms and watched as the Yugi copy turned around and headed towards the ledge of the roof.

“Hey! If you beat him do me a favour and grab his deck will you kid?” Alister barked to the Yugi copy who nodded then turned around so he was facing them fully.

He hopped down from the ledge holding on to the edge with both hands then lowered himself to the window sill below. He landed softly like a cat and saw the window was open but only by a crack, he slowly pushed it in and let himself in to the office.

Pegasus sat at his desk his back facing the window, head still down as worry carried in his voice.

“Please, Yugi-boy come quickly! I don't know how much time I have left…”

Pegasus then felt the wind enter the office space causing the curtains to bellow and float in the air. He soon realized just how cold it felt in the room now which was odd he didn't open the window that much.

“I'd say your time is up.” a voice echoed in the room.

Pegasus was surprised by the voice and turned in his chair to face the window; his one eye was widened in horror as he witnessed sitting on the window ledge was Yugi. One leg resting on the ledge while the other hung down, he rested one hand on his knee while the other one rested beside him. He looked very casual his head tilted to the side as he watched Pegasus just like a Cheshire cat with a grin to match.

“Whats the matter Pegasus? You look like you've seen a ghost.” Yugi answered with a wide grin and a slight chuckle.

“It-it can't be…I just called for you today! How can you be-” Pegasus got up form his chair still dumbfounded by what he was witnessing. How did Yugi get here so fast? Why was he sitting on the window?

Yugi corrected his head back into an upright position and chuckled. “Relax I'm not a ghost, not like you can tell without your Millennium Eye anymore…”

The Yugi copy lowered his knee and hopped off of the window ledge again landing softly on the ground “Then again maybe I am a ghost…a spirit of vengeance you could say…”

Yugi started walking towards Pegasus, the older man started to back away form him, feeling the seething malice in his voice and aura.

“V-Vengeance?” Pegasus swallowed a lump in his throat as he kept backing away trying to keep his distance form the boy. “What…are you talking about?”

He never thought he'd feel this intimated by Yugi of all people, normally he had a cheerful aura about him he only ever showed this level of anger during their duel at the finals of Duelist Kingdom. Even then that hatred was more form Yami Yugi then Yugi himself or maybe that was Yugi's anger? And Yami Yugi only embodied it for him acted on Yugi's behalf? He wasn't sure now all he knew was this boy was emitting a quiet fury towards him.

“Oh come off it Pegasus! You know exactly what I'm talking about!”

As Yugi came closer, the click of the heels of his boots echoed in the dark room carrying it all around and letting Pegasus know he was alone in here and no one was coming to save him.

“You see the other me may have let you go without a penalty game but I don't intend on doing the same…You're number is up and it's time for you to pay for what you did to me Pegasus!” Yugi hissed as he glared up at the man with a single eye.

Pegasus was still backing away his heart was racing as he finally hit the opposite wall of his office, bumping into a short bookshelf that held his duel disk on it. Even with the door was only 3 feet away he was still parallelized with fear watching in horror as Yugi now activated his chaos duel disk.

“That duel disk…Yugi w-wait! Are you-” Pegasus struggled to form words he was in shock about seeing the duel disk that belonged to DOMA now being used by Yugi, was he a apart of them?

Yugi pulled out five cards form his deck, he was ready for a fight.

“Come on Pegasus! What do you have to be afraid of? This isn't a shadow game, I don't have my Millennium Puzzle and you don't have your Millennium Eye, we're on even ground… for once. If you're truly a duelist you wont back down!” Yugi shouted in a mocking tone.

Pegasus grimaced at being called out like this, he looked down and saw his own duel disk grabbing it and placing it on his arm. He activated it and shoved the deck he kept in the breast pocket of his suit into the deck slot.

“Alright! I'll accept your challenge Yugi!” Pegasus yelled pulling out 5 cards.

“Duel!” They both shouted.

[a-christmas-carol-from-hr]

i'm very sorry that you have to have a body, one that will hurt you and be the subject of so much of your fear, it will betray you, be used against you, then it will fail on you, my dear

tw: major character death, stroke

an: uh hi i crave validation and love to talk about this thing i’m working on so uh have one of the side pieces i wrote for it C:

-

2012.

The Christmas Eve rain beat against the window as Jacob Marley, one half of Marley and Scrooge Financial, looked out over the London landscape. It was a terrible night, even by London’s standards. The rain seemed to lash at the window like some sort of typhoon, as if trying to break the glass and reach inside.

No doubt it was the rain that had brought on his headache.

Marley rubbed at his eyes as he looked out at the darkened sky. He’d had it ever since he’d gotten off the flight from New York. Must have been the elevation. He’d better not be picking up a flu from some nasty brat. He had no time to be sick. Scrooge was in Beijing until the New Year, closing out an account they’d been working on for years. It was his duty to hold down the fort until she returned, and he had no time to be ill.

But still the headache continued, throbbing persistently behind his eye. Fantastic. Americans.

Marley gave one last look at the infernal weather before turning and leaving his office. He needed a coffee.

Bob Crachit was in the kitchen, furiously stirring at some container on the counter. Her dark hair, barely held back with a cheap hair clip, tumbled over her face as she worked. She brushed it away, but all too soon it fell back again. Were Scrooge here, she’d have scolded Bob. She never looked presentable enough, the clothes she’d managed to scrape together that were office appropriate far below the standards of most everyone else in the firm. But Bob was the best executive assistant in London, and both Marley and Scrooge knew that. So her ‘issues’ were overlooked.

Even the most recent one. Bob stopped stirring at what looked like her dinner to place a hand on her stomach, winded from the effort. She was winded from most things these days, being nearly too pregnant to walk, let alone work. But business was business, and she needed the money. She rolled her neck one way and then the other, trying to gain some relief from her discomfort. And then she returned to her work. Bob was like that.

It made Marley feel a certain…way when he saw her fatigue, though he dare not voice it, even to himself. 

He didn’t bother to clear his throat as he entered, and Bob jolted in surprise as soon as she caught sight of him.

“Ah! Mr. Marley!” He had to give her credit. She could put on a happy face at the drop of a hat. What had been an expression of fatigue and discomfort turned to one of happy helpfulness. “I didn’t hear you come in.”

“Obviously.” Marley replied. “How about a cup of coffee, Crachit?” “Oh, no thank you!” She said with a smile, her good humor not dampened by Marley’s general aura of unpleasantness. But she turned to start one anyway. “I don’t think we have any more of the Arabia you prefer, Mr. Marley. Ms. Scrooge said-.”

“Not to bother ordering any.” Marley finished with a grumble. Figures. The unpleasant smell of burnt sodium reached his senses, and he damn near recoiled, the pain in his head inflaming at the sense.

“Dear god, what is that?!”

“Oh! I’m sorry!” Bob said, moving to move her meal. “It’s my dinner, sir. Instant ramen. I suppose it *is* a bit overdone.”

“You eat that slop?” He said incredulously. Bob laughed, embarrassed.

“It’s my late lunch. Just to tide me over until dinner. ‘Fraid I’m always hungry these days. But I can just toss it if it bothers you. After all, tonight we get a proper feast.” She said with ill-hidden delight. “The hubby’s getting it all ready. A proper roast meal. I’ve been saving for ages. I don’t think the Queen’ll eat better than we will.”

Marley doubted that, much to his own surprise. Crachit was ill-paid even by assistant standards, and much of her money went to supporting a disabled husband, paying London rent, and dealing with a now-impending baby. Why the damn fool got herself in the family way when she couldn’t afford it was beyond him. It was none of his business what others chose to do, but it became so when it hurt his business. And she’d be out on Mat Leave before long, and then what would they do. The girl was competent, even if it was her only saving grace. Very inconvenient. Bad for business.

His mind ached.

He pinched the bridge of his nose and tried to breath out. Crachit stopped her prattling. “Mr. Marley?” She asked, quietly. “Are you alright?”

Her voice was so sincere. It nearly made him mad. The damn fool was worried about him, and he never spared her a thought of worry. Something, deep in his pained mind, prodded him. He didn’t like it.

“Fine. Headache. Look, Crachit.” He reached into his walled, pulling out a glossy credit card worth more than Bob’s entire family put together. “My head is killing me, and since Ms. Scrooge in her infinite kindness has seen it fit to deny me my coffee until the New Year, go get me one. From the cafe up the street. With-.”

“Oat milk and two stevia.” Bob replied instantly.”Of course, Mr. Marley. I’ll be right back.”

Marley turned to look out the window. And he looked at the meager meal Crachit had to eat. And something twisted in him again. “Crachit!” He called out. He heard the sound of footfalls before she poked her head around the corner.

“Yes?”

“Get a sandwich while you’re there.”

“Yes, of course.” Bob replied. “What would you like on it, Mr. Marley?”

“Whatever you want, you bloody fool. It’s for you?”

Bob’s eyes widened. “Me?”

“Did I stutter, Crachit?”

“No, sir.”

“Get my coffee and yourself a sandwich, and be quick about it. I need to review the New York notes with you.”

Crachit couldn’t hide her smile of pleasure as she nodded, and that made him feel even worse. Shouldn’t have even offered in the first place. Now his mind hurt from multiple things. He found himself wishing Scrooge was here. Things seemed easier when she was around. Facing their present made it easier to ignore the past. Especially on December 24th, of all nights, where Crachit had to be there with her baby bump and-

The pain burbled behind his left eye, springing up like water. Marley stumbled, bracing himself against the counter. *Jesus Christ* it hurt. He’d ask her to get pain killers on the way back. The strongest they had.

“Crachit!” He called out, hoping she was still in listening distance.

But the word did not leave his mouth. Distantly, as if underwater, he heard his own voice. He heard the shapeless sounds that cried from his mouth. And then, then Jacob Marley felt fear.

The pain grew, bursting out into his skull. It wrenched a scream from his throat and crippled his body, like a puppet whose strings all were cut at once. His limbs flailed out as he fell to the floor, that distant voice that was and wasn’t his own screaming all the while.

He felt himself hit the ground even all through the pain and his mind was melting, struck with volt after volt of electricity, and *jesus* he could feel every cell of his mind *die* and he was dying he had to be he was going to die, right here on the floor of his counting house and he was alone, all alone, and the pain rose up into his throat and into his body, chaining him to the floor and chaining him to his fading mind and chaining him to *god no please no here not alone not with her so far from me im sorry im sorry fire flame volt make it sTOP*

He thought the word *Ellen*.

And then he thought nothing at all.

[theosilvas]

pedro pascal / 48 / cismale —have you noticed that THEO SILVA is back in town? the BARTENDER is apparently pretty LOYAL, but HE can also be a little JUDGEMENTAL. HE is always blasting IN THE AIR TONIGHT by PHIL COLLINS, as it makes them think of something from their past. i hope the VIRGO has a better time here than most.

tw: illness, death, homophobia

At the age of seven, nearly eight, the Silva family were the targets of a home robbery that left Theo without parents and sent to live with his Uncles at the other end of the continent. They always wanted kids, but not like this.

Uncle Evan was the brother of Theo's mom, but Theo developed a closer bond with his uncle's husband, Uncle Matthew, that he did with his blood relation. The man's quiet nature made him a better companion for the grieving child and together they cultivated a love for the outdoors.

Theo learned how to garden and grew an apple tree from a seed just like his kindergarten class taught him, he grew little herbs on the windowsill and watched Uncle Evan throw them in food and drinks and felt like he contributed. He also liked seeing that he could keep something alive, even if plants weren't the same as people.

He had a green thumb, but also bloody knuckles. Not all of his time was spent growing herbs and participating in 4H club. Not everyone was tolerant of Theo's family and when people tried to take it out on him, Theo pushed back. Uncle Matthew didn't approve of fighting, but Uncle Evan did, and that was the start of lessons at the gym in self defense and for the first time since moving, Theo found something besides blood to share with Evan - boxing.

As all kids do, he grew up, but he never moved far away from his family, attending college only an hour away. He wasn't a phenomenal student, never was, but Theo knew they were proud of him and supported him anyway, through thick and thin. Evan used to say that Theo needed to get a fancy diploma and go on to be a millionaire so he could support Evan and Matt once they were addled old men, and Theo always laughed and said he would, even though he knew he'd never be rich.

What happened next would have been easier if he was. Matt was diagnosed with cancer during Theo's second year of college and bills quickly piled up. Theo eventually dropped out and threw himself fully into work to try helping, but helping with the finances didn't help Matt, who lost his battle and seemed to take part of Evan with him.

There wasn't any returning to college after that, just working and trying to look out for Evan, who was never the same. The jokes about taking care of him in his old age no longer seemed like jokes, for all that Evan was only in his sixties. That still seemed like it was too young for Evan to fall apart, at least in Theo's mind.

It wasn't the life Theo planned, and he knew it wasn't the one Uncle Matt wanted for him, but Theo made do as the years past, time adding up until college was a half forgotten memory. He worked a variety of odd jobs, bouncing around between things that didn't requite any qualifications until one of Evan's friends mentioned needing a new bartender soon, and promising to hire Theo if he got certified. It would cost, but the pay raise would make up for it in a month or two.

That's where he met Lucy, and it felt like love at first sight. She became a light for him, a joy as things with Evan became worse. Theo knew his hours were difficult, that he was often preoccupied and stressed because of his family, and Lucy always seemed to handle it with grace. She handled it with grace for a few years and by the time Evan grew worse, they were engaged. Their apartment was small, and Theo was filled with ideas of moving into Evan and Matthew's old house with her one day, renovating it and having a small family with her.

Then Evan passed away from health complications and Lucy admitted to cheating on him, claiming she hadn't wanted to weigh him down with the knowledge when he was dealing with Evan in the hospital, and then the funeral. In Theo's mind, it wasn't any better finding out his fiancee was leaving him for the man she'd been having an affair with while he was grieving, and the split ended up acrimonious.

With his family dead or gone, Theo's life felt empty and he sold everything tying him to his old life before packing up and crossing the continent once again to restart his life.

[the-firebird69]

Legendary Summertime Sadness Live - Lana Del Rey (High quality sound)

Somebody made a big mistake all right and were stranded and we got ostracized and people move on it and why George did too and Jesse and Mary and peacock and they said we're worthless people too I was looking at backstabbed people smart actually new stuff

We can't get there ever

Ken

You can't go there and yes somebody you made a big mistake

Okay it's a big mistake but hey it's our Sunday we are getting ready for today and tonight it's going to be hell and out in the rings and and Everglades tons of them died only formed up four times total and trying to invade from Red beyond the buffer zone and failed very badly and several generals died and two regions and they're from the neighborhood no but it didn't help them and that kind of thing happens all the time yep there's a few more things going on this area it's getting very hot and everybody it started to say it it's already coming up like they're saying and it's up pretty high and there I'm saying that it is a lot of radiation and the kid is not joking yesterday and tonight it was about 12 at the spikes up to 13 once so far and they're not handling it very good and they are coming apart actually as it sound and look strange and they're fairly evil. This is a phenomena happening here from the radiation and have to read people out. There's also another issue this guy John remillard he needed out years ago and he's still sitting here he is eventually ill his mentally ill we're requesting if he removed and we do understand what we're saying.

Couple more things this place is not a playground or gym or a zoo if you ever found breaking the law you're probably going to get arrested and people will figure it out there's a lot of cops driving around and it is for that purpose we saw how about $250,000 people get arrested yesterday and it might come up to that again today. Yesterday there were tons of commercial airliners huge numbers of jets were taking off from Florida and they're going elsewhere and they were nailing it for some reason now we know that they are evacuated and a certain number and the cost trouble to cause trouble and we are intercepting and annihilating other people are too and we do see that they're leaving again today and we know the numbers there were 3 million Max morlocks here now there's the 2.4 million but about 400,000 are getting ready to evacuate and very very soon once they're out another batch of a million are going to leave and they don't intend on staying here and they're going to try and move our son and out of Florida to California and over and over they'll try and get him out there. We are not going to allow it and the Mac proper don't have a plan to do that and foreigners too they don't want that to happen these are Big groups and they will be listened to they say or they will perish. Now these guys are leaving she's going to cause trouble and the Mac proper and foreigners and us have noted that they're doing so and we are taking precautions. Huge numbers of these guys were hauled in yesterday and last night globally they are now in captivity yeah they're taking prisoner and they're held now overseas with no bail and no chance of escaping because they are stupid and rude the foreign entities don't have to do anything like release you or anything and they're not they are calling you on as well and you are surrendered to the rude people fairly soon they will rescue here when they're big enough and you're leaving the intend to arrest you here. And their numbers are building up here and they are keeping you out and they noticed that your issue in the orders here to go after their people so therefore they are stopping you including Tommy f and he will be coming down shortly from his lofty place where he does not belong and you and all your rudeness are going to be removed from here today they have and they're sending in about 400,000 agents to Charlotte county and they intend to pull you out and not allow you to go anywhere although about 300,000 escaped and fled yesterday $450,000 were apprehended and about 150,000 of those who escaped were apprehended the rest of them are still trying to cause trouble they are seeking them now big groups okay but if you stay here you'll probably be arrested more shortly

Thor Freya

Olympus

Zues Hera

[111raismess]

23/11 （´＿｀）

shitty ass day

notes: imma add a mentally/emotionally uhh title? idk youll know what im talking about once you see it wtv. everything i do is a cry for help

•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────••─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────••─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•

selfcare:

i did my morning skincare, i think, i dont really remember lol.

ate like crap today, ate too little at lunch, merendé like shit aswell, atleast i had a full dinner, kinda, im still a little hungry but i dont feel like cooking any longer. i didnt really have much apetite today, could be the fact that i woke up feeling like shit or my body simply didnt want to eat so much today, who knowss.

didnt shower, lotioned or drank water, maybe tomorrow.

also i havent exercised in two days, might do it tonight if i dont fall asleep soon. makes me feel bad if i dont, i noticed.

⋆ ∙ ∘ ✧ ∘ ⋅ ⋆ ∙ ∘ ✧ ∘ ⋅ ⋆ ∙ ∘ ✧ ∘ ⋅ ⋆

daylife (imma keep it like that) :

fell asleep at like 4 am and woke up at 11-12. not soo bad like yesterday but still, i need to fix my sleep schedule..

i deepcleaned my room, the floor in my room hasnt seen a mop in like a year, kinda yucky but idc. my back hurts now ˙◠˙

played the guitar today for a few minutes!! i havent picked it up in months, im trying to learn bulls in the bronx with my guy stuart.

after that i took a nap, then i wonder why im not sleepy at this hour.

didnt leave the house today but since i kept myself busy i didnt feel like i was missing out on life or whatever.

despite having the worst motivation today, i didnt rot in bed and i also cooked dinner for me today, guess i feel happy about that. i really didnt feel like doing anything today, im proud (˶◜ᵕ◝˶)

⋆ ∙ ∘ ✧ ∘ ⋅ ⋆ ∙ ∘ ✧ ∘ ⋅ ⋆ ∙ ∘ ✧ ∘ ⋅ ⋆

emotionally/mentally:

woke up feeling like shit for no reason, if i didnt have the will to not go back into the depression hole i would have stayed all day in bed and asleep. still, i distracted myself most of the day but right now that im not doing anything, i feel like shit again, i want to cry but i cant, time to watch a silent voice again hehe. i feel like im distancing myself from my friends lately even tho i know thats not true, everything is literally the same and fine. i also feel anxious abt next year, i dont know if ill be with my friends at school, i really dont want to go back to being alone, i really really dont, i dont know what to do abt that, guess ill just have to wait and see, maybe i get some new friends or something, i dont know, dont want to think abt it that much, feels horrible. its really funny because yesterday i felt fine, felt happy, normal idk, i dont get why i feel like this today.. whatever, itll pass and whatever happens next year ill be alright, it wont be the end of the world, i still have things to look up for ig.

⋆ ∙ ∘ ✧ ∘ ⋅ ⋆ ∙ ∘ ✧ ∘ ⋅ ⋆ ∙ ∘ ✧ ∘ ⋅ ⋆

wtv this is:

i dont really feel like writing or making this thing look pretty today. im currently rewatching mha, i really want to see season 5 bc its where i left it a few years back, im at the end of season 4 but i really REALLY dislike the episodes with gentle and.. endeavor.. (≖_≖), and kinda the whole season altogether, cant believe its taking me weeks to finish it.. i just want to see katsuki in his winter costume fufufu (๑•́ -•̀)

song of the day or wtv idk:

this is seriously a cry for help atp

[pwblogarchive]

February 2008

February 3, 2008

“Try lying for a change, it's the currency of the world.”

its oddly haunting the way that sometimes entries from a year ago can reflect perfectly how i feel today.

its like an echo sent out over the weeks and months and pages of the calendar.

not always but sometimes.

a few weeks ago i considered mentioning the fact that while i once wrote "every new years is worse than the last" i didnt feel that way anymore

oh eight had broken the january curse

now im glad i didnt

cuz i realized it might not have

it may have just pushed it back a month

or extended it, depending on how this all looks on play-back

i find it a bit odd to be waiting for retrospect

Posted by xoat 10:41 PM

February 12, 2008

“honestly, afraid. i cant ever sleep either.”

Put the the planets in swing

Make jupiter sing

The afternoon light

Ignites

The back of my head

Spend years trying to cloud our head and not feel a thing

Just to turn around and erase the clouds so we can remember everything

Throw handcuffs on that boy

When the check comes he never pays

His cheekbones carve my moods

He shakes like a leaf

He's clicking like an old answering machine

He howls at the moon

He's breathes wet thru insect eyes

Canyon lights at night chase away the boring days

And I don't worry about death because I've seen the date I'm gonna die and its so far away.

Posted by xoat 1:55 AM

February 16, 2008

“part two (i forget so much of what i write its beginning to scare me).”

hes a lonely planet

dont stir and wake

everythings ok

give or take

the cats got the canary spinning in its ribcage

did i mention i came dressed for the intervention

(and if you were dying soon would you try to find snow in the deep summer

the june bugs dancing in wonder

and i still wonder now

if my words will stil turn you inside out)

hes a honeyjar

with that pretty face, lets never lose the lid

and keep those rosey lips in

(he breathes wet through insect eyes)

in multiples of four, no less than sixteen

sandmans been showing his beam

when he walks into a room the walls lean in to listen

keep a calendar this way youll know the last time you came through

oh.

"i know what youre going through"

well i dont- its more of a "paper or plastic" grocery store choice to me

but ill sympathize with anything to get through to you

do you know what its like to watch reruns of yourself night after night

to offer nothing and expect everything in return

to cock your head just right to appear arrogantly humble

if we hurry well make the morning edition

cos everybody likes to read the bad news

theyve tapped the phone be very careful what you say

speak in code about singing birds and sleepy eyed women

his heads a junkyard for rusted midnight thoughts

hes criminally carefree

when the pills swallow the worry

hes digging like forty nine

hes making you press rewind

hes a thunderstorm so bright you shut your eyes

he is a hurricane

Posted by xoat 3:15 AM

February 18, 2008

“mc hammer and miss piggy bank”

i get bright ideas in dark rooms

red rooster combs on our head

we are galaxies

a catipillar that got stuck

mr moth come quick with any luck

long walk in a dark house

a roman candle heart

keep us far apart

tour is just thinking you have been in every hotel, club or truck stop before.

it is deja vu personified.

all full of love so much that my teeth are floating.

February 19, 2008

“the oxidation of Joan of Arc.”

the mind drinks less and less.

impatience.

highways full of crowds going somewhere, somewhere, somewhere, nowhere.

The gasoline refugee.

Towns turn into motels,

people in nomadic surges from place to place,

following the moon tides,

living tonight in the room where you slept this noon and I the night before.

Posted by xoat 12:31 AM

[cyanidefilledcandy]

I apologize for how long this likely will be and how rambly it likely will be, but I just feel like I need to get it out.

I just got a call from my dad that my aunt passed away. I'm sad of course....but maybe not as sad as I should be? Mostly I'm just angry...

I couldn't sleep tonight...even on medication, I was up every hour or so, until I got the call and I knew immediately someone had died... Someone unexpectedly once again taken from my family....at the same time of year around the same time of morning...

For the past 4 years, I've lost someone close to me....always around the same time. (And even before that... It's like the cirmustances are always the same.)

August 2008, I couldn't sleep for more than a few minutes no matter what. Then my little sister woke me up around 3-4am and told me my grandmother, who she and I both lived was gasping for breath and she couldn't wake her up.

A few years later, August, I went to visit my great grandmother, someone I grew up seeing everyday, because she found out she had a deadly illness for years that her doctor didn't tell her abour and again 3-4am, we got a call she passed away.

2018 was when things got kicked into overddrive. 2018, I lost my maternal grandmother around Thanksgiving....after being so excited to be able to spend Christmas with her after years of only seeing her once or twice a year. 3-4am.

I lost my cat a month later; a year later.

I've always been more or less accepting when it comes to death...

Even as a toddler, I was always acutely aware of it, scared of it, its inevitability and permenance. At 4 years old (maybe even younger), I had nightmares of Death, coming after my parents, me. Of inescaple apocalypses and definite countdowns for me and those closest to me. I thought about far more than any child likely did or should, but when it happened, I'd mourn and then move on... fairly quickly. My paternal grandmother's death definitely changed me in some way. She was the person I was closest to and nothing out of the ordinary happened the day before. She did the exact same thing we did every year. She drove around got things ready for my sister and I for the beginning of school the following day. And then....she was gone. I felt grief...deep grief, but maybe not as deep as I should. I was sad. I mourned. But then I was numb...

And I have been ever since....

With every new death from someone I love, grew up with and was close to, upom hearing the news, I'd mostly just feel numb, maybe cry for a bit and then more or less carry on.

That is until 2021 when my little sister died after guving birth. Nothing in the world could've ever prepared me for burying my little sister. No amount of the death dreams I'd had or even my worst nightmare where she was actually killed in front of me instead of us just waiting for could've prepared me for that being a reality. As always, I couldn't sleep that night no matter what (though that's hardly anything new these days), and then....at 3-4am, I heard my dad on the phone with my mom and found out she was gone....after giving birth a few hours earlier; after being mostly fine during that time.

I've never had a death hit me so hard and I don't think I'll ever recover. And it changed me deeply and permenantly as a person....somewhat for the better, mostly for the worst.

For the better (which is honestly the only thing other than wanting to be happy before I die), I decided to try and make time with those I love and get better about communicating.

Family has always meant a lot to mw, but I've always been an extreme introvert. I've always enjoyed my own company. I've always been not super affectionate. I've always hated talking on phones (it's nearly a phobia). And at family events, I'd say hello, and disappear soon after because I never know how to behave around people. I've always felt awkward and have been told I make others feel awkward, so I'd rather just not be around them. I also severely hate driving (again, to the point of nearly phobia) that I don't unless I ABSOLUTELY have to (and sometimes not even then). This all got worse when I got severely depressed in my late teens and with the social awkwardness came anger and iritial irritability, as well as anger for at my family for more reasons than one; so I isolated further.

But I said, I would get better about communicating with people and....in a way I have, but not enough...

I still avoid phones calls, except every now and then with people I know will keep me on the phone a long time. (My aunt was such a person.) And I've always been bad about calling people, somewhat the reason above, sometimes because I'm usually so depressed that I don't want to ruin anyone's mood, but mostly because I'm just super forgetful. I'd been thinking of calling my aunt for the past few days; just to check on her and always either forgot or didn't because the time didn't seem right. I also had two mugs she'd ask me to get her from California that I never seemed to have time to drop off to her. .....and now I can't and this why I'm so angry.

At myself. Literally what the fuck is wrong with me?

When my sister died, I had been wabting to spend Christmas with her and my niece, but got hit with such a bad depressive episode that I felt I couldn't deal with anything. I had also had a possible exposure to COVID and didn't want to risk her or the baby...but the depression was the real reason. Then came the next when she was supposed to give birth. She asked me (begged me) to be with her to deliver; but I mostly thought she was joking because she joked like that all of the time. I planned to, I really did, but the depression was still horrible, plus I had anxiety about driving as well as trying to help my sister with a toddler, a new baby, a likely destroyed house because her BD was useless while I barely had my own shit together.

And then she died. Alone....something she always said she didn't want. She always saidbshe wanted the chance to say goodbye to her family.

And I let it happen....because I couldn't get over my bullshit... She thought the world of me and I couldn't even be a good big sister, as much as I've always tried to be.

And now, here it is again, I've lost two more people who I couldn't be assed to communicate with. My great aunt died last November and now my aunt is dead the following January....

And my mom has lost a mother and daughter and my father, a daughter and a sister (as well as both parents years earlier) and I feel like I should be doing more to comfort them and....I just don't know how. I've done my best to communicate to them to please call me if they need or want ro, but other than that...I just don't fucking know what else to do. Other than visit them, which I do try to do, but still not nearly enough.

And I'm just the worst person during grief because I don't know what to do, and I'm too emotionally distant and numb to be of any help.

And concieted since this post is about nothing except me bitching about myself and my feelings.

I've always felt like a shitty person and people would always ask me why.

This.

This is why.

And on top of that, I'm just... mad at the universe. Like I said, I'd missed a LOT of time with family because if work....most of my adult life, in fact. I was working to try and make things better for us all, true enough, but at the cost of actual time with them. And the MOMENT. The moment I decide to let that go and am actually EXCITED to spend a holiday with them (I haven't been excited about holidays in decades), it's like they all start dropping.

My grandmother, my cat, my sister, my great aunt, my aunt. And always around this time of year....August-January....a time of year that used to be my favorite. Warm holidays spent with family, lots of family birthdays (including my grandmothers, grandfather, sister, niece, and now nephew), my birthday, and just I love fall and winter in general. Now it's just a time of my depression getting worse and death. Everything about this time has been tainted and ruined and my mind just keeps asking, why now? Why this time of year? Why nearly always that time of night. I know it isn't a curse, and yet it feels like it. My family are good people. They have their flaws, but they're ultimately good people who try to do good by others, yet are still continously dealt shitty cards.

And it's made worse by the fact that most of my family photos, especially those of my immediate family (my mom, full sister, dad, and me) are pretty much all lost. Some because my mom lost a storage unit and others because my grandmother's house was left to rot after she died. (I literally went one day to find some of our family photos thrown in the yard like a pile of trash and that broke me way more than her death did.) I saved what I could and then they still wound up lost after I moved states. My sister had some of them in her apartment but they were all gone when we went to search her apartment....I can only guess her PoS BD either threw them or took them for no reason at all because it's not like he cared for my family or even my sister if we're being honest.

If anything was left in my grandmother's house, I'm pretty sure the tornado a couple of days ago finished it off...

It feels like my family isn't just dying; it's being erased.

So, I'm just angry at everything, especially myself. I just want to crawl in a ball and disappear or just swallow a bottle of pills and be done with it all. I don't want to do that to my parents, but I know I won't survive hearing something happened to them.

[hazel-core]

attacking you based off of your favourite evermore song <3

willow

how does it feel to be the therapist friend? how does it feel to want to reach out but none of ur friends know ur in the lowest moment of your life? stop acting like you only need yourself!!!

champagne problems

stop projecting ur emotions to things that will NEVER help you. listening to music isn't gonna make you forget all ur problems, eating or sleeping is not a good replacement for ACTUALLY letting all the anger and tears out. the repression is honestly just sad now. i hope you get better soon.

gold rush

the moment someone shows you a hint of care and affection, you get attached. then the moment they walk out of your life, you think it was your fault.

NEWS FLASH! it was NOT ur fault. u just hate to think about them in a bad way because ur so blinded by love.

'tis the damn season

you hold grudges. you don't make it obvious, but you do. you make sure that the amount of attention they give you is the same amount of attention you give to them. you try so hard to balance everything it just ends up hurting you.

happiness

you literally trust NO ONE. you've been betrayed and hurt too many times. when you do find someone who makes you happy, who gives you every idea that they will never do anything to hurt you, you run away, because you think when you get too close, they'll break ur trust (how can something so frail ever be whole).

no body, no crime

how's it feel to be touch deprived? you so badly want someone to hug you but even just a poke on the arm scares you. you hate touch but the idea of it brings you comfort.

dorothea

you so badly want reinvention. you wish to become someone else, someone who you're not. you wish for everyone to just forget you and you could live the life you so desperately want. you want a new identity and just run away and forget everything in the past. it really is cold tonight, and all your friends really are 3 years away.

closure

you're a damn spy. you're always checking in on people even if they're not in your life anymore. you always want to see if they're doing well, and that upsets you if they are. it upsets you that they're happy without you. because you're miserable without them.

cowboy like me

no one truly knows you. your family thinks of you differently, your friends don't know ur deep secrets. ur secretive. you don't like telling people things about you, because you feel like there's always ill intention behind it. that may be a good way not to hurt. but it's a hard way to live bestie.

coney island

you hate social interaction and you hate meeting new people. but you have no trouble doing that online. that's why you're so stuck on the internet because the people you meet through the internet makes you so much happier than the people around you physically.

long story short

you rush to do things, time bothers you, and you always wish you could do so much more. you feel like there should be no limit. you overwork yourself, you want to reach your goal quickly, you feel like anything could happen, so u focus on getting things done. a serial procrastinator my beloved.

ivy

every time you were so close to finding love, it didn't work out. that's why you believe you'll never find it, because at every opportunity it never worked. you want to love someone so bad, but you haven't - couldn't - found the person who deserves you.

marjorie

people tend to take advantage of you. it's hard for you to say no to people. you please people, intentionally or unintentionally, you find it difficult to get rid of toxic people, so you wait and wait for the world to do it for you.

evermore

it's not healthy to constantly run away from your problems. look hey, maybe it gets better, maybe it doesn't. but you have got to stop PRETENDING that it has nothing to with you. you are NOT the product of all the things that have happened to you. you are you. whatever you want that to be. just stop running. please.

it's time to go

you've been gaslighted in a friendship or a relationship. it's hard for you to never feel guilty for things even if it has nothing to do with you. you sometimes unintentionally guilt trip others, and the moment you realize, you drown in guilt yourself, guiltfest. I wish I could tell you it gets better. perhaps.

right where you left me

you're still so stuck in the same damn time. you've perceived life to be still in the time where u were happy. you don't want to move on. you don't let go of the past as it's keeping you back. u hold on to it because it's the only thing that makes u happy. you can cling onto the past as much as you like my love, but that familiarity gets old (ironically). remember that no matter how tightly you hold on, it's already gone <3

[alltoolewis]

Toxic friendships!- Charles Leclerc (ft Pierre Gasly) 🤍

Thank you so much to the anon who requested this! I love writing angst so much & Charles has turned into one of my new favourites to write for!! Hope you enjoy sweetie! (Not the best sorry) xx

Request- Could I pls request an angsty imagine where your Charles girlfriend but you two have a really bad breakup because you both find out that Pierre likes you! (warning Pierre is a little bit of a douche in this one... I know he's an actual cinnamon bun in real life, it's just for the story)

"Is that him again..." Charles asked, peeking over your shoulder to see Pierre had once again sent you a text. It wasn't abnormal for the French driver to message you, ever since you began dating Charles 2 years ago you had created quite a bond with Pierre! But recently the messages had become more regular, and a bit more flirtier... and Charles definitely noticed!

"He's just a friend Charles..." You sighed, switching off your phone as you walked towards him, pulling him in your arms "He's also yours... so please stop being jealous!"

"I'm not jealous!" Charles scoffed, kissing your temple before pulling out of your grip "I have nothing to be jealous about! Your mine... no one else's!... I just don't understand why all of sudden he's acting like your best pal... it's strange!"

"Baby... listen to me.." You hushed, lifting his chin to look at you "There is nothing going on with me and Pierre... he's just a friend... nothing more, nothing less! You have nothing to worry about..."

"I'm not worried about you Cherie... it's him I don't trust!" Charles knew that you were faithful, that you wouldn't ever intentionally hurt him! But he also knew what his best friend was like... it was safe to say that Pierre didn't have the best track with women, and usually he would be able to win any girl that he wants! Charles obviously noticed the lingering glances he had been giving you lately, not wanting to cause a scene from it because he knew how close you were to the French driver... but you were also too innocent to notice it, just thinking it was friendly chat!

"Do you want me to cancel tonight..." You sighed, running your hand through his hair "I can just say that I'm ill and that your just going to look after me..." Tonight was supposed to your annual movie night, where Pierre comes round to spend time with the two of you to get away from ! But with how things currently are and how stressed Charles seemed... you didn't want to make him uncomfortable...

"Nahhhh we can't do that..." Charles sighed, wishing it was that easy "He'd know something was up.." Placing a kiss on your lips he pulled you into his side "I'll be fine gorgeous... But your staying by my side all night... and I swear to god if he even attempts to make a move I'll end him!"

"And you say you're not jealous..." You teased, ruffling his hair before bouncing off to the living room to set up the stuff... "But I promise baby..." You called back "I won't leave your side all night!"

Charles's heart warmed at your words, but he still couldn't help but feel tense at the thought of Pierre trying to steal you away...

-------------------------

"So how are you, Pierre..?" You asked innocently, trying to cover the awkward silence that had emerged since the driver arrived "How's the car feeling this season..." As soon as Pierre looked your way, Charles's body tensed against yours, possessively pulling you in into his chest as you shoot a glare...

"It's going good thanks, (y/n)" Pierre smiled, not taking any notice to how your boyfriend was reacting "How's uni... still stressful?..."

"Yeah, it's alright... I'm getting th-"

"She's doing great..." Charles interrupted, wrapping his arm around your shoulder "Still killing it as normal! Can't wait to see her graduate in a few months... I'm going to right at the front!!" You rolled your eyes as he emphasized the 'I'm'... You knew he was jealous, despite how many times he would deny it, it was picture clear!

"Right then..." Pierre clapped, breaking the tension up a little bit "I'm just going to nip to the toilet... won't belong" As soon as he left the room, you turn abruptly to Charles raising your eyebrow "What?!" He laughed, causing you to give him yet another disappointed look. "What do you mean 'what?'..." You giggled, ruffling his hair "Can you please just try and ignore whatever is running through your head right now... because whatever it is, it's bullshit!"

"Nothing is going through my head!" Charles protested, but stopped immediately as he saw the knowing look on your face "Fine... I'll ignore it for you..."

"Thank you..!" you sighed in relief, pecking his lips "I love you Beau..."

"I love you too, mon belle..." Grabbing you closer he placed you on his knee, nestling his head in the side of your neck as he spoke the words that caused butterflies to erupt every time "I don't know what I'd be without you..."

Hopping up from his lap, despite his refusal, you give his cheek a quick peck "I'm just going to grab some more popcorn before he comes back!... I'll be two mins..." Skipping off to the kitchen, you chuckled as you heard him yell "Don't be too long... I'll get cold!" You swore he couldn't last a minute without your warmth next to him... but it's one of the reason's you love him so much!

Just as you were about to grab the popcorn out of the microwave, a pair of hand rested on your waist causing you to flinch "Char-" you froze as you realized the hand didn't belong to your boyfriend, but instead to his best friend... "Pierre, what the hell are you doing?" You hissed, trying to keep your voice to avoid your boyfriends fury.

"I'm sorry (y/n)… but I can't hide it anymore..." Pierre breathed out, walking closer to you as you backed up against the counter "I love you... I love everything about you, from the way your smile lights up a dark room to the way you always make the paddock a warmer place... I know it's wrong... in so many ways... but I think you love me too!"

Your eyes grew wide as you instantly shook your head "Pierre... I don't know where this is coming from... I'm sorry but my love belongings to Charles, not you..."

"So you're telling me you don't feel anything when I do this..." Before you could register what was going on, his lips landed on yours causing your body to freeze... you knew you should have pushed him away straight away, but with the amount of shock your body was going through and Pierre's arms wrapped tightly around your waist it was impossible … not until a loud voice echoed across the kitchen tiles..

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!?" Charles yelled, eyes going wide in anger as he watched with tears of frustration in his eyes. Pierre's arms loosed around you, allowing you to break away "Charles... please believe me it's not what it looks like.... he kis-"

"Not what it looks like...!" Charles scoffed, taking steps backward as you tried to reach for him "Because to me (y/n) it looks like you were just making out with my best friend in OUR kitchen! After YOU told me there was nothing to worry about!" Your body flinched at how angry he sounded.. but who could blame him, to him it looked like infidelity.. but in reality, it was far from it!

"Baby, please listen to me! He kissed me... I wouldn't do that to you! I love you so much, please believe me!" Tears ran freely down your cheeks as he ignored you, looking at you in disgust before shooting a glare at Pierre, shaking his head as words failed him "I'm done with the two of you... go to hell!"

"NO! CHARLES PLEASE... WAIT!" You cried, grabbing his arm before he left as you looked back towards Pierre "TELL HIM PIERRE... TELL HIM IT WAS ALL YOU... THAT I DIDN'T KISS YOU!... PLEASE... TELL HIM THE TRUTH!"

A flood of silence filled the kitchen as you looked at Pierre with pleading eyes, mouthing a quiet 'please' before he just shook his head looking at the ground... Taking his 'best friends' silence as his answer, Charles shook his head, releasing your grip off of him as he left the room not saying another word...

"NO....Charles... wait!...." You sobbed, following him out of the room as he slammed the front door shut, leaving your shaking body behind. Sliding your back against the door you cried in your hands, not being able to fully process what was going on... hearing footsteps coming towards you, you looked up too see a guilty looking Pierre "(Y/n)... I'm sorry-"

"what the fuck did you just do!?!"