#ill probably delete this but im having way to many feelings

[johnentwistlesbassguitar]

So fucking distressed rn bcs I can't tell if I'm lying to myself or not I don't want to be woman at all I hate every aspect of it and I'd rather be a man every thought of someone treating me as feminine makes me nauseous and I don't want to be faking it but it pisses me off sm ppl think it's just sexism that makes ppl feel this way and i don't believe that but it fucks with me I don't deserve to feel comfortable or happy and I'm to feminine to ever be a real man and it makes me want kms if these feelings don't stop idk how I'm going to handle it all I want to do is hurt myself and feel pain it's what I deserve it would make me more of a man

[kiyomitakada]

i am going to scream (wip rambling in the tags)

[fvckednddistvrbed]

i ate a lot today, not as much as other days, but still im disappointed with myself and starting to feel sick. why cant i be good at restriction? god this makes me wanna sh so fucking bad

[arsenicflame]

one of the things that really pisses me off about fandom (in general but it seems 10x worse in the ofmd fandom in specific) is some peoples determination to jump to the worst possible interpretation of any scene with a character they dont like in it. its suddenly not reasonable to read the silly jokey scene as it was indended, we have to assume X character is acting in bad faith because why would he not. if you substituted it with any other person you would not see these readings, but because its someone they dont like we can't possibly read it any other way. im all for reading into the text of the show and analysing and extrapolating from it, but some of the takes i have seen seem so out of left field from the actual show that it feels hard to assume the people writing them are doing it for any reason other than blind hatred of a character.

[jacaerysgf]

Troubles

r.q: Hello, I don't know if you are taking requirements, but I haven't seen too many good one shots about Aegon II 😃, I really like your writing and I would like to read one where the protagonist was a Tyrell And they are both married because of all that alliance stuff and so on, maybe with a little angst and Aegon's nonsense. (Sorry for my description, I really don't know how to do this 🥲)

aegon ii targaryen x fem!tyrell!reader

wrds: 843

a.n: I ACCIDENTALLY DELETED THE REQUEST AND I DONT REMEMBER YOUR @ IM SO SORRY BUT I HOPE YOU SEE THIS !! my take on the scene where alicent went to go comfort aegon but couldnt so you come to do it instead <3 *you only have one kid

you dont love him.

if you had known when you went to go return to see your mother in high garden you would return to this you would not have gone at all. or maybe not even chosen to return.

Aegon crowned and war on the horizon you had no clue what was going on, just quickly rushed into the keep and presented before the court. The worst news came quickly, your son had been murdered the night before you had returned. You could only stand in horror with silent tears cascading down your face as you watch your husband yell at every council man in the room for the death of his son and he did not even spare you a word as he walked out of the room.

You went to helaenas room who offered you her bed to lay on and a hand on your back as you sobbed into her pillow. you did not know what to do. You son is gone. your only son. Your only child. and now you were lost. You should go see him, even if he did not want to see you even if you did not really want to see him. You had to atleast speak to him about this.

So you went and walked your way slowly to his room. When you went to open the door you jumped back as alicent walked out. She was staring at you, you can feel the shame and guilt in her veins seeping over her eyes. she looks back at the closed door then looks at you, opening her mouth as if she wished to say something. but she doesnt merely speed walking away from you without a word as tears ran down her face.

You almost wished to chase after her. you did not ever truly get along with her well but you could tell shes taking this news badly, probably worse than you are. yet you open the door and walk into the room you see your husband trembling with sobs at his desk. the room was a mess, clothes, glass and all other sorts of stuff strewing about the room.

You stand frozen as you watch him. You and your husband are certainly not close by any means. You do your marital duty and stay apart from each other. but right now he needs you yet you have no clue how to go about this. You slowly walk over and place a hand on his shoulder he slowly cranes his head up to look at you and he stares at you as some shaky breaths leave him.

You place your hand out and he grabs it, letting you to pull him to the bed where he quickly crawls on top of you and presses his face against your chest as he cries. “ill kill them.” you shush him and rub his back. “my son, my legacy.” you ignore the fact he does not say he was your son, our son. but you say nothing. You know he is more hurt over his pride than the actual life lost though you doubt he knows that himself.

“im with child.” He freezes and his head shoots up to look at you. “what?” you look off to the side and stare out the window as the sun rises. “i was feeling sick in highgarden and went to the maesters, they say i am with child. A little over two moons they say.”

He says nothing for awhile but you can feel his stare on your face. You let your curiosity get the better of you and turn to look at him. He is staring at you in wonder. Like a newborn looks up at its mother. “you lie.” he does not want to believe you. “i do not. i planned to tell you on my arrival but obviously we were preoccupied.”

This is normally the moment where he would kiss you, tell you how overjoyed he was and how amazing you were. But he does not say anything but you can feel his grip on you tighten. “you will not go anywhere without atleast two guards presence, you are not permitted to leave the keep under any circumstances.” You are sure this is his way of expressing himself to you, he wants you safe no matter what. he grips your face and peers down at you, “do you understand?” you nod and slap his hands off your face.

He looks like a kicked puppy You understand him, his worries and doubts. you let him lay against you, him listening to your heartbeat. He falls asleep youre sure he is to be woken up soon to go take his seat at the council. Based on the bags under his eyes this is probably the first time he is sleeping in awhile so when a maid walks in you shoo her away and whisper youll deal with the consequences of it.

you do not love him. but you can see him. and that’s enough for him.

[86espresso]

there’s holy ground beneath them, and sparks fly when they kiss ✯ jh86

-> insta edit (my first one. be nice ill cry)

-> high school sweetheart!jack <3 bc yes

-> I love him bye

-> other things coming soon dw I didn’t forget 👊

-> under the cut !

liked by jackhughes, alexturcotte, and others

ynzonedout my boy<3 and also cam york’s boy apparently<33

replies . . .

jackhughes baby I can explain 😔

ynzonedout is there something you need to tell me ://

cam.york j, babe, don’t ✋

ynzonedout wtf

jackhughes I was gonna tell u eventually 😔😔😔

alexturcotte have some decorum yorkie that’s a taken man

ynzonedout tell him.

trevorzegras 💻👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨

jackhughes oh! that’s

liked by ynzonedout, colecaufield, and others

jackhughes look at her go !!

replies . . .

ynzonedout oKAy but I did so good omfgfoMFG

jackhughes you did amazing bambi ☺️

ynzonedout but I didn’t fall over this time so bambi doesn’t check out ✋✋

jackhughes you fell over taking off your skates. off the ice

ynzonedout DELETE DLETEY

ynzonedout why do you hate me

jackhughes wtf I would stab trev for you

ynzonedout aw ur so <33

trevorzegras EHAT THEVFUCK

liked by spencerknight, colecaufield, and others

ynzonedout you see this when you enter a room. what would you do 🎤

replies . . .

alexturcotte run in the opposite direction FAST

liked by ynzonedout

jackhughes nightmare blunt rotation

colecaufield notice how his sense of humor skyrocketed after he started dating bambi…

ynzonedout oof

jackhughes the heck. ur right 🙄

cam.york ALL at the same TIME 😮‍💨

ynzonedout none of those words are in the bible

jackhughes skshjskwjwaj

liked by ynzonedout, trevorzegras, and others

jackhughes @/ynzonedout lookinf suuper extra fine today I need her mroe than air 😪 LOVE her so baf

replies . . .

ynzonedout jackie, baby, this is your public instagram

trevorzegras accidentally gave him too many edibles thats on me

ynzonedout ofc ur at the scene of the crime

trevorzegras ??!!??/)$ cole was involved

jackhughes bsmbi come iver imy:((((((((((

ynzonedout omw baby just two mins of homework left 🥹

quinnhughes just projectile vomited

ynzonedout lowkey ate down 🎤

colecaufield lookin goood ma’am

alexturcotte stunna

user1 proof that your fav white boy needs a baddie in his life

ynzonedout ur so adorable im jumping ily :)

liked by jackhughes, quinnhughes, and others

ynzonedout happy 18th birthday to my fav princess angel white girl jacklyn <3 despite the growing pressure on you and big things coming up, you never fail to make me feel like the only girl ever. you’re the sweetest and kindest ever, everyone deserves a you. my forever crush, i love you to death. muah 💗

replies . . .

jackhughes im drowning in my own tears.

jackhughes bambi wtf ill end it all i love you so much 🥹🥹🥹 thank you baby

alexturcotte my heart

trevorzegras ill actually cry. who knew you had a heart

ynzonedout im in ur Walls

colecaufield everyone’s crying. The streets exploded. bambi this is too much for all of us

ynzonedout THE STREETS EXPLODDE

ellenhughes aw this is adorable :)

ynzonedout thank you for your contribution to society 🧎‍♀️

liked by ynzonedout and others

jackhughes 1 week before the draft. cant wait !! ✊ replies . . .

ynzonedout im so fucking proud of you the fuck. What the fucking fuck im sobbing

jackhughes language 😔

ynzonedout no im fucking emo rn dont even

ynzonedout WAIT

ynzonedout jack oh myfuckingh god COME OVER RN my columbia letter just came in I can’t open it

jackhughes SHUT UP IM LN MY WAY IM shaking

alexturcotte columbia wth

trevorzegras ayo WHAT

colecaufield DID YOU GET IN

user3 COLUMBIA IS SO CLOSE TO NEW JERSEY AND ITS IN NEW YORK

cam.york everyone start freaking out like right now. bambi and jack will probably live toGETHWR SKSJKSJS

liked by jackhughes, quinnhughes, and others

ynzonedout happy weekend <3 a girl doesn’t deserve less

replies . . .

jackhughes proud doesn’t cut it, angel girl. you deserve all this and more 🩷

ynzonedout jackkk 🥹🥹🥹 you mean everything to me

jackhughes also we r so getting our own place and living together

ynzonedout damn fucking right we ARE

alexturcotte brb crying

trevorzegras you guys 🥹

colecaufield #bambijackforever agenda going strong . who’s dropping acid in my eyes

quinnhughes great achievement!! you’re so smart tf

liked by nicohischier, quinnhughes, and others

ynzonedout I hope you know how proud I am you were created 🩷 @/njdevils if you suck the youth out of him I’ll suck the soul out of you 🔪

replies . . .

njdevils 🫡🫡🫡

jackhughes BABE. we’ll get in trouble

jackhughes honestly couldn’t have done it all without your support. I love you :)

ynzonedout love u more forever :))

a/n: if I made mistakes no I didn’t. feedback appreciated but only the nice kind 🩷

[pastadoughie]

other posts abt this are getting deleted

my brother killed himself- the one i actually like somewhat (ryan) & not the nazi shithead who tried to choke me to death this time last year (julian). i am the youngest of 3.

hes kinda a complicated guy, similar to how they treat me i only ever get to hear about him through other family members making fun of him for his every issue - so much of what i know is negative.

most of my opinion of ryan for the past 4 years maybe has been sortof admiring- atleast in comparison to my other family members- hes the only one who actually shielded me from julians constant phisical abuse, & the only one with the sense to realize that my entire family is a bunch of miserable abusive leaching assholes who are best off associated with as little as possible. i may think hes a racist & a bit of an idiot but i still really respect him as the only person who doesnt treat me like eaither a rabid dog or a walking suicide note

its a bit offputting to me honestly- the last time i had a close relationship with him was when he was a terminally online barely legal teenager- boyblogging about my little pony & fat bitches on the internet & trying to escape a deeply abusive home life dispite having no money & no education. primary difference being with me being trans & disabled & my abuse more overt & overarching i dont really get the luxury of having any kind of positive feelings about anyone in my family. i wouldve been dead years ago if i hadnt learned how to deal w/ myself & my emotions entirely independantly. its a recursive cycle i suppose

he called a few family members shitfaced drunk the day of- was made fun of them by every one, a few hours later was supposed to go to work. drove onto an empty road in his lexis at night. driving straight before making an entirely unessasary turn to veer off the road- flipping his car multiple times over. dieing on impact- hes gotten in many accidents before- & had flipped that car & gotten hurt previously & likely rendered much of its safety features unusable.

in all likelyhood probably alot about money- a certain degree of reckless drinking & petty theft charges & unpayably expensive car repairs & your problems stop really being fixable- needing a level of both financial & mental health intervention that nobody is wiling/capable of providing to someone they veiw as a drunk.

i dont have many thoughts on this topic that i feel are meaningful- im someone primarily apathetic & only incedentally empathetic- i only show proper emotions in maybe small 20 minute intervals once in a blue moon

my primary source of emotion has just been how angry my entire family seems to be at me specifically- a unanimous & explicit & constant reminder that they would really really really rather i kill myself then them have to ever look at me or deal with my stupid inability to do seemingly easy tasks like work & schooling. i guess theyll never really get any self awareness. in many ways i dont respect any of them- even ignoring everything else theyve ever done thats just kindof a ghoulish & overly cruel thing to say- but you cant tharapyspeak your way out of being atleast a little emotional about your entire family wanting you dead

im just gonna keep silly posting as usual. abiet maybe somewhat lower energy. especially because people are seemingly incapable of treating me like a normal human being & not flattening me down to solely my life situation, out of some strange assumption that treating someone like a 1d characature of a mentally ill person from a tharapy training course is somehow less offensive then saying something mildly triggering by accident

[mugzymiik]

HELLOOOO my old intro post is way too long so uhmm heres a better less complicated one

LAST UPDATED: February 6, 2025

HI HELLO!!! call me Gold. or October or Bug. those r my names but idgaf what im called as long as i can recognize it as me :D

i am bigender (transmasc + demigirl)!! probably!! gender has been hard lately!!!!!

any pronouns (but he/they + any neopronouns preference)

DNI:

homophobics, transphobics, misogynists, racists, sexists, pretty much anyone whos bigoted and/or just an asshole

people who are under 13 (im an older teenager and i dont feel comfortable interacting online with people who arent even SUPPOSED to be online yet)

people who are or support transrace/transabled/transage/transx/transid/whatever the fuck

proshippers

pedophiles

users or supporters of ai """"art""""

supporters of cryptocurrency/nfts of any kind

drama stirrers

supporters/friends of cintagonisupet

supporters/friends of hxngr/constant_hungr/hungry_starving/whatever the fuck he goes by now.

supporters of mirei touyama animations/brebear jones

people named Ry*n or Q**nn. sorry hhh

people who obsess over Dead by Daylight. (i have bad experiences with a person who really likes that game- i wont say full-on dni if you like it because thatd be pretty damn stupid, but if you constantly post about it please dont directly interact with me a lot)

byi:

im a minor !!

i have autism, adhd and anxiety, among other things. im heavily disabled in general and i also joke about that a lot- if you dont like it lol sucks to suck , its my experiences to cope with not yours

i have a hard time reading situations so if i say anything bad/unneeded/confusing PLEASE let me know i /srs do NOT mean any harm to anyone 😭-

tone tags r needed aaa

NO WARPED FACIAL BODY HORROR AROUND ME PLEASE

i am a childish freak <3

i embrace my cringe (even if i get embarrassed about it sometimes /silly). if i find you going out of your way to harass me or anyone i know for being """cringe""" I'll spam your askbox with OwOs and UwUs i am being completely fucking /srs.

i ignore unsolicited dms from people i dont know too well unless it's important

sometimes i delete asks if i dont know how to respond to them ;; i apologize

my fandoms:

the pink corruption/tpc

just shapes and beats/jsab

warriors

stray

other smaller hyperfixations, some of which come and go

my tags:

#mmmramblez (rambles)

#art + #animation/#writing/#shitpost

#ask

#drawing ideas + #for later

#kinposting

my fandom tags:

#tpc shorts but also not [tpc]

#golds tpc designs [tpc] (posts with the original tag will be edited with this one soon)

#tpc episode [tpc] (i download tpc eps and put em in a google drive bc i REFUSE to give brebitch more views.)

#trongle stash [tpc + jsab] (if you dont want your posts/art in this tag please let me know & ill remove it/try to remember to not put your stuff in it)

#tpc cats end [tpc]

my blogs:

@mugzymiik-infodump

@pinkcorruption-verysillyedition (tpc incorrect quotes; submissions are always open, probably looking for mods too if it gets active again 😭)

@lemonboynotcavetown (Gold rp blog, very headcanon-heavy)

@pinkcorruptionconfessions (tpc confessions :D)

@tpc-bugverse

(there r other ones but uhh im not listing em theyre REALLY inactive </3

FRIENDS & MOOTS!!!!! <333:

The Goobers <3

@many-faced

@darkhatkid

@/m00nlit_sage

other friemds that are Just As Cool!!! :D

@trash-jsab

@paw-ureyesout

@kitcatttt

@comet--storm

@anonymously-night

@cielos-pasteles

@astronic-fr

@lavthequad

@orchuris

@1nto-the-zone

@cyberrcyanide

@greenpentagon

@taxi-dummy

@cowboytorrenter

@tasty-eggs

@streetmurder

@thesealantern

@frozen-treachery

@octahedral-chaos

@makothedorito

@coresystem

@lesboyajaceare

@snakeualzayden

@fandomt4keover

@something-named-vexxie

@packitupkittycat

me other socials:

discord: @/mugzymiik

youtube: @/mugzymiik

bluesky: @/mugzymiik

instagram: @/mugzymiik

deviantart: @/MugzyMiik

toyhouse: @/MugzyMiik

toyhouse (au edition): @/goldenuniverses

art fight: @/MugzyMiik

strawpage: @/mugzymiik

my discord server!!!

miscellaneous stuff i also wanna say cus why not:

i am a Very Heavy Kinnie of Gold from TPC and the triangle player from JSaB :D and also Bug (tpc oc) too

^my headcanons go for Gold Kin™ too :help: i feel.....snak.

i fucking love cheese and ranch

#1 Mother Mother fan

im so normal about triangles trust

i own Bug hi /silly

i love everything you hate and/or cringe at :)

other stuff:

art Status

commissions: closed with exceptions (cashapp is currently fucking me over the head with receiving money)

art trades: open

requests: closed, only open at times when i say theyre open

art info

commission information (DM ME)

other post shit i made

my tpc headcanons

tpc google drive

squeemsh

TPC SHOWDOWN

divider credits

[sechsviciado]

when doves cry

reaperken/touka ; written circa nov/dec 2022

no warnings or ratings really?

-

so after my slight reaperken/touka rambling yesterday i figured that i really have nothing to lose from posting this small snippet of a fic (oneshot??) thats been sitting in my google drafts for nearly the past two years; if this is crappy i can always just delete it but ive wanted to contribute a bit more to keep tokyo ghoul tumblr alive so i figure why not?

i felt so smart when i came up with the title since ken was a dove during that entire reaper arc until the events of cochlea. i didnt really pay attention to prince's lyrics in the song but looking back at it now i guess some apply? not really any inspiration was gained from it though, i just grew up with music from the 60s-90s so the title kind of came to my mind and it happened to be a prince reference. not really any ratings or warnings yet?? its nowhere near finished and im not sure if ill even finish it because i feel my writing heavily lacks.

anyway, without further ado

how many months had it been?

it had been months — years — since he recalled feeling this exact way. of course, haise had felt this way too, but it would never compare to the feelings he had for her before that brief period of time where he had lost recognition of everything and everyone who once meant something to him. ironically, it's when he felt most at peace with the butterflies in his stomach, beating against his rib cage and the cage surrounding the longing which could never be released. he’s regained his memories now, but he knew something was different within him even when he laid his glassy eyes on her again on that first visit to :re as sasaki haise. why did he feel so entrapped and yet so wrongly distant even when he had no recollection of her prior on that first visit to the cafe?

it would never be the same.

it would never compare to the feeling of falling in love with her and the realization that came with it. the realization that left him in a state of both a mix of surprise and agitation for days and with a feeling that could only be described as his heart skipping a beat and yet crumbling at the same time. it would never happen, would it? he had chosen to face that reality when he was still his old self, naive and too ashamed of his actions to actually face her after all the pain he caused her as a result of the pain which engulfed his entire life, too. too ashamed to accept his new reality, hiding behind his eyepatch — too ashamed to admit he had fallen in love so easily. he wasn't any different now.

haise may have fallen in love with her through the lens of a reborn figure with a fresh start and no boundaries to stand behind (apart from his obvious shyness and the weird sense of familiarity), but it just occurred by fate. the same fate that had snatched him from her years prior had found a way to bring him back into her arms and make him belong to her once again. he can't help but believe that maybe there was some future destined between them; the embittered part of his heart and soul makes him realize even that destiny would probably be cursed or filled with further strife.

though he supposed that didn't matter now.

not when he was even more distant from her than when he was an amnesiac with no recollection of her apart from the same old feeling of confusing comfort and longing. it's humorous and yet painful to think about how low he'd fallen in this aspect, not even being able to face her once again. despite his older age, he was still just a boy when it came to this same ancient rush, wasn't he? it doesn't matter. she surely didn't want anything to do with him anyways, especially not after everything that he's done. he's betrayed her and everyone who was once a part of him once again, and he’s chosen to accept that painful reality ever since he vowed to stop dreaming and flung tsukiyama off that building. facades all break down eventually.

though he supposed that didn't matter now, either.

he’d be disposed of soon enough before any of this could matter at all — before hinami was to be the one to disappear from the purgatory that was life as a ghoul. there was no heaven and there was no hell; there was no afterlife. heaven was bliss and safety on earth while hell was anguish and pain.

it was selfish of him to hope touka would feel any sort of pain after all of the grief and rage he's put her through time and time again, but he hoped he'd at least be remembered by the person he felt he loved most in this lifetime — the one who hadn't thrown him aside but who had instead built a nest for him as if though her life depended on it. he can't help but wonder… he’s had everyone he's ever known and cared for snatched from his hands by the same twisted fate that led him to await his upcoming death, he doesn't know if the puddle of both coldness and warmth in his stomach is either fear or love.

he'd truly cherish any memory he had of her before he’d be killed.

he vaguely remembers telling her, years ago, that he'd be sad if she died; he just hopes she would be saddened at his death, too.

[catbeeisafraid]

I don’t have like a ton to say about this but I have mixed feelings- also spoilers ✨

I like Crystal I really do but at times her dialogue bothered me and some of her behavior was kind of obnoxious to me- like at times when she started aggressively inserting herself into situations and just kind of made it about her? Like in episode seven (though this happened many other times too) where she was having a total fit about not going to hell when it’s clearly for her own good and not about her no matter how much she cares? and I totally understand that this is her being written as an immature teenager who hasn’t been dead or a teen for 30-100 years but as a teenager this sort of selfish immature writing kind of gives me icky feelings because I know so many people who are mostly emotionally intelligent not just raging all the time.- and I mean that for a lot of teenagers and teen girls in writing, to make them tough and likable they are made volitile and annoying which to me is not likable (my opinion, I just don’t like the trope that’s not what I’m talking about right now anyway-) I do think she had good development and I liked her a lot better by the end, some people on other forums were saying that her actress was weaker than the rest of the cast and I don’t really know about that? I think maybe she was artificial at times but I’m blaming that on the writing. I also didn’t like her dialogue about her “crazy demon ex” either, it felt very forced? -Not her emotions about the whole mind cage thing I get that but just all of the “UGH WHY ARE THEY SO FUCKING NOSY IM JUST TRYING TO GET OVER MY STUPID STUPID CRAZY ABUSIVE STALKER DEMON EX BOYFRIEND UGHHH ILL DOUBLE KILL THOSE BOYS IF ITS TGE LAST THING I DO” that felt out of place to me- Lastly I get that this is also an aspect of her teenager-ness but I didn’t like the amount she cursed? I have no qualms with cursing but it felt to me like when little kids and middle schoolers start cursing where they just explosively yell fuck when like literally nothing warranting that kind of expletive has happened? She curses too often it makes her sound really stupid? Like the ep 7 “take me to hell I won’t die” thing, she was screaming at Charles who was being pretty reasonable like “fuck that I’m going he’s my fucking friend too fine then fuck it- fuck you ill find another way to get to hell” like yes she was emotional but that isn’t what teenagers sound like guys?

idk- I’d love to hear what other people think and to be clear I do like her I just focused on the negative- I guess it’s a human thing. She had lots of strong points just I ending up not liking how much she was on screen, this isn’t really about you? It’s about the dead boy detective? Give me more ghosts or Edwin or Charles or Jenny or Niko or Mr walrus please? They were fun I like them? I just felt like there were times where she was over shadowing Edwin and Charles and they are what’s actually important to the show? I think I’d like her more in smaller doses- I felt like I spent too much time having to stop and be like “girl step back this is not about you, you are not the star right now”

and to the argument of her actress being inexperienced or over acting or just not great- I have no specific feelings on this but like the other main cast had for the most part very little screen acting experience and were Fantastic so i don’t know what to feel in that area? so yes, i think crystal is an interesting character and i think she grew on me and developed in the season but i also definitely think that she’s annoying and I’m conflicted because i don’t want to not like her-..

what are your thoughts? Id love to hear different perspectives but please be nice to me because I’ll probably delete this and cry (unless that was your goal, then carry on)

that was all like super ramble-y sorry- but I hope I communicated semi accurately! Thank you

[envy-of-the-apple]

Yandere!Toji Fushiguro x reader

Trade off

So i accidentally deleted the toji ask like an idiot im really sorry anon bestie:( you tried. I just failed. 

Prequel and if enough ppl like it ill finish the fic i just wanna see how this does 

(Yandere, breaking/entering, attempted plan to murder, etc, etc idk) 

Living near the countryside has desensitized you to the thumps and crashes you’d hear at night. In the beginning you’d be paranoid, laying in your bed for hours before gathering the courage to step out of the room, trusty bat in hand, only to find a stray cat staring back, right beside an open window. Nowadays, you’re coolly shooing away whatever creature that finds their way in your home. Mostly it’s cats, sometimes you’d get the occasional bird or racoon. 

The situation has happened so many times that you aren’t even surprised to hear the soft rattle that comes from your kitchen tonight. You’re already moving, rousing from your soft bed, grabbing your trusty broom ready to scare away whatever creature you’d find scurrying about your kitchen floor. A rat, most likely. 

But the thing rustling through your fridge is no rodent, and you don’t recognize this man. 

It doesn’t occur to you that you’re being robbed until half a second later. Mainly because of how casual this bizarre situation is. He’s rifling through your food like it’s normal and you’re the weirdo carrying the broom. 

“Damn, there’s nothing here. Do you not eat or something?” 

You assume he’s thinking out loud, but he glances back at you like he expected you there. 

“I-I haven’t gotten the chance to go shopping this week,” You find yourself replying. 

He gives a hum, slamming the fridge shut, standing to his full height and you’re instantly aware of how ill-prepared you are to fight him. He’s huge, not just in height. He looks better fit for a bodybuilder than a run-of-the-mill robber. 

You left your phone upstairs. Why the fuck did you leave your phone upstairs? 

You lower your broom, trying to make yourself seem as little threatening as you can. Your mind is running too fast to conjure any real thoughts, but the part of you that hasn’t completely broken down yet is telling you it’s better to avoid any confrontation. A distraction. 

“There’s a TV in the next room,” You numbly point towards the living room, “It’s brand new….would probably go for a thousand.”

He barely seems interested, eyes flicking to glance over before going to you. 

“That’s nice,” He waves your offer off, “But I’m not here to steal your stuff.” 

“You’re…you’re not?” You reply weakly. 

There’s a grin on his face, a touch away from being maniacal. His hand is brushing his hip, lightly playing with the hilt of a gun.

Oh. 

Maybe it’s because you’re still half asleep, your brain isn’t working as efficiently, it takes you a bit longer to process his intentions. When it finally does, the realization hits you like a train. Your mouth gets dry, it suddenly feels so cold. Fear. You’ve never felt fear like this before. 

You don’t notice the steps you take backward. He does. The man groans in something you can only discern as annoyance. 

“Don’t do that,” He frowns, “Come on, I’m trying to be nice here. I can’t chase you around the house, I'm supposed to make it look like an accident.” 

His nonchalance is terrifying. Like he’s done this before. He probably has. How many people has he murdered in their own homes? How many bodies does it take to be so calm around imminent death? 

You don’t have time to wonder, not when something he said catches your attention. 

“Were…were you hired to come here?” 

His mouth twitches and it looks like he’s thinking. Finally, he shrugs, like the information he gives won’t really do anything to harm him. 

“Yeah, some rich folk in the city. Can’t remember their names for shit though.” 

Someone had a vendetta against you? Enough to want to kill you? Your mind is running through every single name, every quarrel you’ve had. Family members, friends, acquaintances. Nothing enough comes up. 

Nothing is supposed to. Only crazy people hire hitmen. 

And hitmen are even crazier. 

You take another step back.

He takes another forward.

(End of prequel)

[imliterallynikolai]

now that i think about it- do any of the things that i say in my posts like…

i dunno…

MAKE ANY SENSE?

so like fun fact-

im dyslexic!

on the topic of funfacts…i have another funfact for you!

it has nothing to do with what this post though…

BUT THIS IS MY POST SO I DO WHAT I WANT 😡

so my other funfact is: i have autism and adhd. i think if you have both at once, itd be called audhd? idk ive seen people call the mixture audhd.

BACK ON TOPIC-

do my posts make any sense?

…probably not.

ITS OKAY IF YOU SAY NO- I WONT GET OFFENDED, PROMISE!

im just asking cuz like

im not too sure if the way that i word things in my posts make any sense? (WELL DUH- I WOULDNT BE ASKING IF I KNEW…)

and also cuz i go off topic like

ALL THE TIME IN MY POSTS

more than all the time actually-

sometimes i go off topic MORE THAN ONCE in A SINGULAR POST.

i honestly dunno why i go off topic so much

SO DONT ASK ME-

if i do figure it out though, i’ll explain that in a reblog

no promises though

like dont expect me to

BECAUSE 1: ILL PROBABLY FORGET TO

or 2: i just dont fucking feel like it.

anyways- another reasons i think my posts might make no sense is…

im a yappee

certified yapper

the mayor of yap-city

the president the united states of yap-merica

if you go to yappachusetts (that was a smart name, ik, everyone clap.…okay it really wasnt-) youll see a big ass statue of me there

MORE THAN ONE STATUE OF ME IN YAPPACHUSETTS (is there even any statues in massachusetts? youd expect me to know cuz like…I LIVE HERE- but i dont 🤪 but for me, thats not even that bad. youd be surprised how many things that im meant to know, BUT DONT KNOW.)

like 282881991838 statues of me

i won NOT ONLY MAYOR FOR YAPPACHUSETTES, BUT ALSO PRESIDENT FOR THE UNITED STATES OF YAP-MERICA 7 ZILLION BILLION QUATRILLION (is quatrillion even a number?) times in a row.

those are the only metaphors for me talking 24/7 i can list from the top of my head (WOULD THAT STUFF BE A METAPHOR? IDKKKKK…IM GONNA POST THIS, THEN LOOK IT UP…BECAUSE I WANT YOU GUYS TO SEE MY THOUGHT PROCESS IG? I HONESTLY DUNNO. might be because im too lazy to delete where i might be wrong…or both.)

SO IF YOU SEE THIS BEFORE I REBLOG AND TELL YOU WHETHER IM WRONG…

THEN WAIT A SECOND.

[melissa-titanium]

this is probably way too oversharey for tumblr but i just wanna say strangers r so kind. i have so many memories of scary situations with my mom in public where people stepped in to help me or calm me down and its like. they could hv ignored me & went on with their day but they didnt!!! one of the things tht makes me feel good about People . a particular instance that always stood out to me so much was when my mom was so drunk she couldnt stand & i was crying so hard i couldnt breathe & we ended up having 2 get a taxi bcos. new york city. none of my family had a car to pick us up. and when we got to the apartment this taxi driver got out & helped little 8 year old me lead her up the stairs & into the apartment. she was too out of it to pay & he didnt even ask about it and waited until we were inside b4 leaving and like. i dont know! he didnt even know me or my situation but people rarely dont do something when they see something happen. i dont know. ill probably delete this in the morning if i remember i just think about this alot. im grateful 2 be in a much safer situation now & grateful for everyone who helped me get here. ahh. anywuas look at my aunts cat

[beifong-brainrot]

Thank you @nova-leaf for this tag too 🥰

wow i get to talk about myself so much im nervous

•How many tumblr accounts have you had before this one?

This is gonna be my fith tumblr account lol. I lose track of them really easily because I'm a silly funky guy with so much wrong with me.

• How long have you been in fandom?

Oh like. Since I was 10? God I remember my firat forays into fandom culture on amino it was an experience good god. My first fandom was Tolkien. I've only recently gotten into the Avatar fandom though. Still not sure how that happened but I'm having fun 🥰

•Your favorite trope in fiction?

I adore found family, cause I'm basic lol. The power of friendship is also a cheesy beloved of mine.

•Your favorite random fact?

Tolkien had beef with the Beatles. Hayao Miyazaki hates the Beatles. Junji Ito loves the Beatles.

•Your favourite game or kind of game?

Skyrim is my favourite game. Open world RPGs are my escape. I love them so much I try not to play them too often or I'll never get up lol.

•A place you’d like to visit? (If carbon emissions, logistics and money weren’t in question)

Hm. This is a tough one. I like to travel and I want to go to many places. But if I had to pick one point off that list, it would pribably be mount Shasta. I'm just curious, I guess, with all the legends and disappearances and odd happenings around it. Like I just wanna see the place not even have anything supernatural happen. Just be there for a bit? Call it morbid curiosity. Also the area seems beautiful even of itself like even if the aliens don't get me i think it'd be a nice hike.

•An animal you’re irrationally afraid of?

Ants. I like most bugs. I like spiders. But ants? Ants give me straight up panic attacks? I don't know why. There's just something very terrifying aout them.

Also. Swans. But that's not an irrational fear. Geese and swans are in my opinion the true successors of dinosaurs. If you haven't been a girl scout cowering in a flimsy tent with your three other girl scout friends, in the middle of a thunderstorm, while a pair of feral swans is trying to peck their way into your tent you do not know true fear.

Their pecks hurt like a bitch too. Their beaks are serrated like a fucking saw.

•What’s your favourite season?

Autumn. In Poland we divide Autumn into two mini seasons. Golden Autumn, which is early autumn, when the freshly fallen leaves are all crispy and beautiful. And then we have Rainy Autumn, which is when it has rained and gotten much colder. I love both.

•A smell that brings you nice memories?

Tea. I started drinking tea when I was very young. My dad is an Englishman and the moment i stopped drinking breastmilk i was immediately given tea with milk.

I think I associate tea very strongly with my family and feeling loved by them. When I was younger, my parents would often wake up before me, so they would often make me tea and wake me up with it.

Making tea for someone is still a huge gesture of affection to me and there's nothing quite like the smell of a nice hot cup of tea.

(If you’re ok talking about food. If not, delete this part)

•What’s your favorite food from where you were born? And what’s your favorite food from some place else?

My favourite food from Poland, huh? I love a lot of Polish foods, but I if I had to pick something it'd probably be krówki [which translates to 'little cows']. They're fudgelike candies, similair to Scottish Tablets and White Rabbit Creamy Candy. They're delicious.

For food from a different country? @nova-leaf has put the idea of Shortbread into my head now so that's all ill be thinking about I have to see if I have the stuff to make some at home or I'll go insane.

•What’s your favorite drink (if you drink alcohol, alcoholic and non-alcoholic)?

Alcoholic: Salty Caramel flavoured Krupnik. It is very difficult to explain what a Krupnik is? Its kind of like a liqueur.

Non Alcoholic: Orange Juice. It used to be diet coke but my addiction got so bad i had to quit cold turkey lest I completely wreck my health.

•Do you give your pets random table scraps?

Not random table scraps, but if I have any extra of whatever I'm cooking, and if they can eat it, I'll sometimes give them some as a snack or as an incentive while training them.

Thanks for the tag honey!

Tagging: @linnorabeifong @thatoneguy56fanfic @novaae @thenamescaba

[who1ssheesh]

Impossible

reborn doesn’t die. ive said this. 

squalo being so disgustingly cute for his s/o here. 

Warnings: lots of swearing; fem!reader; huge OOC; lowkey character is implied: reader is an educated and smart and probably artsy? (happened accidentally): 100% wrong grammar, english is not my native; no beta we die like tyl tsuna

Note: im not sure this is such and OOC since the whole premise is “squalo is uniquely soft only for you, and no one knows about that side of his”. first time at writing, dying from shame rn, will probably delete this soon. 

Impossible.

Squalo is impossible.

Such a foul-mothed, rude, loud and ill-mannered brute.

At first it seems as if he is trying his best to make you hate him. Squalo’s words usually cut deeper than his sword thrusts in inside of one’s body, but with you it feels like after that this sword also whirls in your already shaking body to hurt even more. Squalo notices your every small failure and is glad to stick your nose in those every time. He turns his head away on the days you look especially good and scoffs when you prove your intelligence.

But a fun fact you notice way too late: if Squalo hated you that much, then why the fuck has he always been around you?

Truth is simple: captain is good at everything but feeling feelings.

That is not the most important fact but the one that he is aware of it. Superbia is actually extremely self-aware.

And he knows he is hard and not going to change. Ever. You cannot run away from mafia, this is a pact made for life – and it doesn’t last long for many. He is indeed a violent brute and obviously fucked in the head at least a little bit – a bloodthirsty shark, excuse me for such an obvious comparison – and takes a huge pride in this. Because this is the reason Varia thrived when Xanxus wasn’t around, biggest people in mafia world fear him and, most importantly, he became best of the best. He is a fucking Emperor.

And not the least, Squalo hates lying. Maybe that is the reason he hated those cover-ups missions and Levi-a-Than with his brown nose. Squalo is who he is and he shows this right away in the worst way.

What I’m trying to say: if you cannot handle him at his worst, you do not deserve him at his best. And yeah, such a high-ranking person needs to be deserved.

And he hates that “some civilian bitch who grew up like a home plant”, while he made himself through blood and tears literally,   got him wrapped up so easily. Caught him like a fish, huh?

Squalo has never had a normal life and doesn’t understand that you do not have fight every rock like a caveman.

But just show him your teeth. Squalo is a big scary man always smelling like metal, with steel eyes widely opened looking for a pray. And you dare to go against him? God damn, you poor soul. And if you make fun of him smooth and smartass-ish enough that Squalo even has to think to realize you insulted him, GOD DAMN. You are unhinged.

He likes it.

No, he does not.

He loves it.

When you show that not only you can handle him at his worst, but even be equally fierce, Squalo does not turn away. He is asking for a date right away when this happens: you say ‘yes’ now or he is leaving and never coming back.

No, he does not give much of a choice. If captain wants, captain takes. And fights if he needed.

Fun facts: fancy dates with Squalo are the worst. Yes, he knows how to look sophisticated and elegant, but it is one thing to attend black-tie events with killers around and another to go to a ‘regular’ restaurant. Everyone will think he is a pig of a man, trust me. He can impress mafia with his character, but cannot be polite at least a little bit with a waitress to save his life.

And Squalo generally hates ‘fancy’ even as a word. So he will personally organize the best date for you but will be screwing your brain for the whole duration. But appreciate that he tried, you know.

Will tell you right away that he is involved into something shady.  Will explain all the ‘cool important sword varia guy’ thing later on because showing all of his cards right away is vitally dangerous for you. Especially it could be if you rejected him. Oof.

NO Varia.

No.

No.

N. o.

Squalo obviously appreciates your opinion (in his dumb ways) and knows you are an adult doing whatever you want, but he is a stone wall in discussing mafia.

It’s a no. End of discussion. You do not know what mafia is. Squalo does. He does know that death is always the first thing to consider and sitting on a keg of gun powder when literally anyone can come in with a weapon is hell of a life.

He will not ever tell you but he does not want to taint you with this. Squalo is not foul-mothed, rude, loud and ill-mannered bloodthirsty douche because he has been born like that, he was made into this to adapt. And one of you has to live, you know. And Superbia will be ready to die for his partner. He also will never tell you this.

To be honest, thinks you would survive in mafia with your witty brain. Of course you will, you are his significant other.

Squalo will be away for a long time. Months.

Fun thing: you can’t call him at all. Maybe can send him messages, I think, but only he can call you. There is actually reasoning for this. Squalo is a fucking genius and is capable to cover your existence from Varia even if (when, hehe) you marry, and that is exactly what he is doing.

He does not want to ruin his badass image in eyes of subordinates with a sweet, witty, beautiful and so perfect you. Even if he wants to tell everyone bragging about their hot chicks that the best woman has already been taken. Squalo has her and it is too obvious that she has him too.

I have a dumb headcanon: for some reason people used to think Squalo is a tech clown  still using a flip phone BUT HEAR ME OUT?? He has a humor of a god and likes to mess with Varia so he uses a flip phone for work to piss everyone and secretly has a personal newest shiniest iPhone hidden somewhere. And there is your photo on a home screen. But not on a lock screen. He does not want you to find out.

Squalo slowly learning to be ‘regular’ at home with you is a comedy gold. If you find out that he calls your cat your shared child, is actually a fucking MAMA enjoying house cleaning and binging ikea to make your apartment ‘homy’, Superbia will react worse that someone trying to assassinate him.

He does love your cozy house indeed. Probably, to be honest, he is going to live in your apartment at first…because he did not have any before you. There used to be only Varia.

He likes that he leaves his small things there. They are so small to notice but strangers will notice that someone else is in this house. And this someone is Squalo. Go away.

Squalo does not care about meeting your parents because he does not care. Will not hide from this, but you will probably be kicked out from your family because he will be his usual disgusting self lol.

No jokes now: dating someone like him can be problematic for a family, especially considering his career, so if anything happens, Squalo gotcha. Because he has pride and dignity and is overall better then ‘those shitheads’.

Will buy you the best house in the world, you just say. But! He will has a training room and a garage of sorts to mess with his swords. I mean, there are a lot of mechanics going on with his prosthetic arm and a sword, he obviously knows how to repair them or sum?

Squalo will spoil you when he is back from ‘work trips’. You can forget even about cooking, your bae is here to help. He will repair ANYTHING and to it really good. Any document and papers problem is not a problem but you better do the talking because Squalo  will try to strangle someone in 30 seconds. Your man will enjoy domestic life even more in TYL! and later in life because he will get burnt out at work.  

100% you both will have a close civilian friend group. Rare moments where Squalo can be just a person and do bullshit ha-ha stuff like ‘being drunk and throwing a chair out of a window with the bois’. Those meetings are when you notice that Squalo has a good sense of humor and actually is chatty and your friends like him. Not something he can afford in mafia.

Hey, he is actually so touchy when drunk.

If Squalo does a shit tone of stuff for you and you do nothing in return, he will point this out.

He does not ask for much In fact. He is used being an independent loner to the point it was insulting in the beginning of your relationship.

Surprise him with a dinner, help him get ready to leave for months again, just hug him sometimes out of the blue, and he is whipped.

Squalo enjoys a good debate. An it’s funny in a way that he is educated life-wise but such a dummy in academic stuff and you can mess with it. Even if you are a medic, an engineer, he is going to study this just to kick your ass. Bitch. (Just wants to share your interest with you. And also kick your ass)

Actually, falls in love deeper when sees your passion and intelligence. The way you study all the time. Or you know several languages. Or you are such a professional in your field.

I honestly think Squalo would have some special click with someone artistic. He is so loud and hyperactive and being with someone phlegmatic and elegant with their non-standard lifestyle is something else. Squalo does not understand art. Almost. The way he can control the edge of the sharpest sword and be quieter than the silence is an art for him. People think he is a weirdo – c’mon he is using a sword in a gun era – and you both can share being weirdos in your own ways.

Imagine being an architect. (that’s not because im too i swear). Precise numbers connecting with your artistic burst? It just sounds so….Squalo Superbia.

Imagine you start taking interest in swordsmanship.

IMAGINE WANTING TO BECOME A WEAPON DESIGNER.

He will carry you in his arms. Only to train you lmao.

‘Babe, it is time for your sword practice again’ ‘Ok, honey’

Imagine you two being together for so long that you design him the best sword you are capable of. You fucking magnum opus – just like relationship with Superbia is.

You actually can draw him a shitty meme shark and a stickman and he will keep it. He will laugh his ass off really loud but does not matter. He obviously will not keep it with him. But you will notice that he hides those in his books or sum.

If you do something of shitty quality, Squalo will oh so much be proud if you keep getting better at this. But he will still say the work of a shitty quality. He is lethally dangerous for someone emotionally vulnerable, but we understood this at the beginning of this post.

I mean, really do not take that to heart. Squalo could say you have your hands growing from your ass now and say you are impressive in a day if you still keep doing whatcha doing.

Later in relationship, sometimes Squalo slips at small things that tell you he thinks about you a lot. He once said “when we marry” instead of “if we marry”. He says “a favourite boy name” instead of a “favourite name”.

He knows it should not happen. Even Squalo has his insecurities because his standards are so high. A spouse and a child not seeing a father for half a year and have a possibility to get killed any moment? No.

But you stay. Knowing his worst side, how unusual and hard being with him is, but you are here.

Impossible.

Squalo is impossible.

Such a foul-mothed, rude, loud and ill-mannered brute.

But yours.

[zhongscara]

requesting you talk about zhongscara, like how they meet, what attracts them to each other etc I need to hear everything

(CRACKS MY KNUCKLES) HERE WE FUCKING GO. (i nearly forgot this in my drafts FUCKKKK)

how they meet

god there are so many possibilities in my head even just for canon compliant meetings... here's my fave ideas:

main headcanon: when nahida returned scara's memories, he also got makoto and ei's memories from the gnosis, so he knows a bit about zhongli as rex lapis. he also probably heard about what happened during the liyue AQ from signora and childe.

scenario 1: nahida needs advice from a fellow archon, and zhongli is the closest to her geographically. scara is there because he's nahida's sorta secretary and also because he's nosy as hell. zhongli immediately realizes that scara looks a little too much like makoto.

scenario 2: traveler themselves introduces them together (self indulgent. its me, im traveler.) and somehow manages to force them to spend time together (more forcing scara to spend time with an archon bc we all know zhongli would spend time with nearly anyone)

scenario 3: ive run out of scenarios im shy now but just know i have thousands running in my head. a big chunk of which are horny. smiles.

what attracts them to each other

their mental illnesses are perfect for each other. SHJDGFJKSDAHKJSDHGKJ ok but in all seriousness they both share:

the complex situation of being the survivors who carry the burden of remembering a forgotten history. (zhongli bc he's so old people have forgotten finer details, scara bc he tried to delete himself)

learning how to be human. zhongli who steps down from godhood to live as a regular human and scara who has to grapple with how he's closer to being human (at least emotionally) than he is a god.

in less serious matters, scara likes power(ful people) and zhongli likes anemo twinks... what more can i say...

zhongscara to me is like. every ship any way all at once. they help each other grow. they make each other worse. they have the craziest codependency that only works for them and should never involve anyone else. they have a happy ending. their love will destroy them both. its a one night stand. its eternal devotion. their lives will fundamentally be changed from this point onward. they're horny as hell.

i feel like ive said so much and nothing at all like i swear every time someone asks about them im like HUghIUGhhj??? and say nothing omfg............