#ill need days to recover from this
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OUT OF NOWHERE?!?
#I was not expecting this?!?#sir??#what the hell??#it’s just a regular day??#ill need days to recover from this#ruben dias#manchester city#man city#mcfc#portugal
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SOOYOUNG on Hyo's Level Up
#sooyoung#choi sooyoung#snsd#girls generation#kpopggsedit#ggnet#femaleidol#femadolsedit#idolady#dazzlingidolsedit#*m#useroro#useranusia#userresa#awekslook#lunanuggets#eritual#jadeblr#forvy#userbexrex#GODDDDDDDD. lord help me the love of my life is wearing a dress exposing her clavicles and i feel like a victorian gentleman i fear.#she is the most remarkably sexy woman on earth i actually think i will need to take a day off to recover from this experience.#her imitating the members when she's retelling stories and just#making the most over the top physical comedy out of it. man she makes me ILL!!!!!!!!
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Because I agonised for an hour or more this morning on how i would get groceries before 'allowing' myself to order them to be delivered:
You don't have to push yourself to your absolute limit constantly as a disabled person to prove you are worthy of care and support and recovery/improvement/symptom management. (I know this is a broad spectrum that varies for each person).
Abled people do strictly unnecessary things to make their lives easier all the time. You're allowed to do that too.
#seriously it was like- i can't drive so it's easier to walk to the supermarket with my crutches#but then i'll need both of them#and it's nearly impossible (for me) to shop in a way that isn't extra labour and frustration with two crutches#so I should probably take my wheelchair#but that still limits me to what I can carry home in a backpack#and I have to cross major roads to get there without traffic lights and that's more difficult in my chair#and I'm already trying to recover from the past two days#and I have hobbies I want to do today and class to attend tomorrow#so I don't want to max myself out just getting groceries#but i *need* groceries today because otherwise myself and (more importantly imo) my cat won't have anything to eat (literal)#anyway uhh... being disabled is so much work that abled people without disabled folks in their lives don't see#radio chatter#actually disabled#actually chronically ill#mobility aid user
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does anyone have advice/experience removing matting from hair with as little damage as possible
#i need to help my friend she just recovered from getting ffs out of the country and her hair is all matted#the other day we watched the dark crystal and i managed to detangle the front section but naturally the back is much more severe#like ill do it no matter how long it takes but damn . its gonna take a lot of movies#i got her a silk bonnet and told her to sleep in that every night and not put any products in her hair since that can make it worse i think
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Send me good vibes that I can sleep well tonight and actually make it through at least a few hours of work tomorrow (would prefer to be able to work my whole shift obvs but will take a few hrs worse comes to worse) and not just have to call out first thing in the morning🤞
#I’ve been feeling like shit and I feel like I need 2 days off to recover from how ill I feel today#today was so rough lol 🥲#I guess send good vibes that I feel better soon too plz
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I miss drawing my beautiful wife* :(
*Gunpowder Tim
#i need. more motivation to do art#im getting there. im drawing more often#one day ill be fully recovered from my burn out and itll be over for you bitches#the mechanisms#gunpowder tim#bee buzz
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having like. objectively a godawful shitty fucking no good very bad day can u guys send asks
#absolutely everything is falling apart at work today#and while im trying to keep the place from catching fire stuff in my regular life starts blowing up too#and long story short im fuckin. out $50 now bc of shit i couldnt control#and im on my period. and i dont have pads bc why am i still getting my period on t for the love of GOD#and i have a stupid. obligation i agreed to w my parents tomorrow that i totally forgot abt until now#but after today i just wanna go home and pass out for 48 hours straight its the only way ill recover from today#and also a lot of weed but thats neither here nor there#not to mention the one moment i have to check my socials i go on tumblr and see ppl falling for and agreeing w thinly veiled transphobia#which is the whole reason i wanted to be on this site less in the first place but i was on such a good streak of not seeing it#and the one day im already in a bad mood. god#i know its rich complaining abt tumblr on tumblr lol but. listen man whatever lmao#my point is i desperately need to be distracted rn bc im just . thru the roof stressed and pissed off rn#juno.txt
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not gonna lie yall, it feels like all I do is either work or recover from work and it's bumming me out big time
#I don't have a chronic illness. I shouldn't be taking this long to recover#idk why I can't get home from work and go straight to writing#it's like I have to spend a day mustering up the will to live in the face of ongoing capitalism#it's my own fault. I would have had a two day weekend but they asked me to come in to cover someone and my clown ass said sure#I want to be pissed at the coworker who called off but it's my own fault for accepting#I had a phone interview today and I am ANXIOUS to know if they're going to bring me in for a second interview I NEED a better job#I just want a job where I dont dread going to work and also maybe get paid more than minimum wage#feeling really depressed about capitalism and working forever and knowing I'll never be able to afford a house#I WANT TIME TO DO MY HOBBIES GOD DAMN IT ;A;#also im lonely as hell. how am I supposed to go out and meet people if I'm too tired to do anything#I wanna meet someone. I wanna be loved romantically.
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i have spent the last week and a half surrounded by loved ones both local and from far away who i rarely see, eating amazing food other people have cooked for me as an act of care, letting my body do its thing and recover from surgery, and its one of the only times in my life i feel like i actually have the support i need to recover/get better. ive also had time to write, make plans for the future, read, and just be in the company of friends it feels so good i want to cry and i want to remember how this felt when i return to my regular life in two weeks
#personal#ocean rambles#people keep being like wow#i cant believe youre up and moving about and have energy you literally had surgery 6 days ago#and the thing is#i have a beast of a pain tolerance/endurance#im just usually so run down because im trying to survive alone#like actually having my physical needs met makes me feel like i can do so many things#recovering from surgery is going pretty easy all things considered#being alive and disabled and working a full time job i hate that drains me#and never seeing my friends#is the thing keeping me ill
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Taking an indefinite break from trying out voice acting because something quite upsetting happened 🙃
#keeping this in the tags because i dont want it to be a callout in any way and it IS partially my fault for not checking the discord#but am I wrong for feeling a bit frustrated with them abruptly deciding to close auditions over on discord#it was like idfk a day ago or so#but SOLELY on discord#and they decided to close them on Friday#mind you#it is currently 9pm Thursday and the CCC deadline is still stated as end of October 😀#like idfk it feels like it ought to be your duty as a project manager to update both pages#anyway#it has been feeling a little overwhelming to go from not doing much of anything at all right into recording auditions and trying to edit#the audio all the while still trying to recover motivation and has been stressing me a fair amount#but I feel I COULD’VE persisted if they didn’t do this :(#and now i just fee like going right back to where i started#ie no hobbies or ambitions at all#im reinstating that I dont blame them for my decline in mental health ofc not#i just needed to vent bc this doesnt help my delusions that#“fate” is out to ruin any semblance of hope I manage to get#like there’s some higher power that wants to give me false hope only to make me suffer#yes i am this easy to discourage#then again im mentally ill so#asher's ramblings
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Big news I went to the supermarket today. Everybody clap
#^^said by a person whose chronic illness has been kicking their ass btw don’t be fucking weird#I also went to half price books and got a whole 12 bucks for the books I sold#and my goal was to get enough money to buy myself a little treat (coffee) so mission success#unfortunately these things have taken all the energy I have for the day rip 🥲#although while I was in half price books and seeing all the very obviously queer people who worked there#I was thinking that maybe I wouldn’t hate seeing if they have weekend hours for the holiday season or something#provided I’ve had/recovered from the surgery to remove The Curse (part of my small intestine) by then lmfao#we’ll see#it’s not that I need the money necessarily but I imagine some extra cash after all the medical shit will be nice#but it’d be nice to have something consistent to do on weekends and there’s a certain bond retail coworkers form#that I haven’t experienced at my office job lol#in my experience anyway
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im going to do something drastic
#i need to be with my boyfriend and kissing and cuddling with him every day but i gotta have this stupid ass surgery#ill be fully recovered by dec 14th and then we can figure out a good time for me to visit but im going crazy Sorry for the state of my blog#until then.... theres many things to be crazy about and to wanna do something drastic about right now ill be honest#wish me a speedy nice recovery from my surgery too... sigh
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hey guys
#vent#just... gimmie a sec im gonna put it in the tags i cant find the readmore on my phone rn#im havin a straight up not good time but not the worst in the house!#the worst is my cat. whose old and dying. and i have no money to put to sleep to fuckin put us both outta this misery#typical. she cant get a heart attack and go fast like my moms dog#shes gotta wail and be ill for a month while im recovering from one surgery and trying to get ready for the next#its also an amazing time for my ocd that i learned i have from artists on hear explaining what it is to send me into spirals#over germs. but shes just 20 with teeth and respiratory issues her whole life and been struggling with constipation#so i KNOW how shes dying. shes backed up and hungry and dehydrated but feeling bloated still and not eating or drinking.#shes probably got arthritis and has been moving like a geriatric for a while but its to the point now she wont even lay down. shes just#perched on a pile of towels in the bathroom dozing and occasionally crying for me to come pet her. im so fuckin tired#and theres nothing i can do! the vet i could find a timeslot for in a reasonable time said 500$. so thats cool. im paying 1000$ for me in#a week for my stuff and its just. god all she and i are doing is crying and it sucks ass#she wants company for comfort and i dont blame her - so the fuck do i!#but i cant sit in the bathroom with her my damn legs keep going numb. and my roomate 1) cant emotionally buoy me thru this#and 2) has a long work day tomorrow and its already mad late. sigh#dont try to offer me condolences ive worked thru her dying already its just now we're botb exhausted in the form its taking#if anything i just need another distraction to keep me from spiraling over something again#edit: ARUGH AND THE OTHER CAT THROWING UP IN THE OTHER ROOM. GOD DAMN IT#the younger one has so many allergies and wont stop fucking eating things off the floor babygirl i am BEDRIDDEN you gotta stop eating shit#off the floor!!!!!!!! you have specialty food for a reason!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#awesome it was right in my bed
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anyways. holding linebeck gently
#some assorted untagged linebeck thoughts tonight cuz hey why not its been a Day of ups and downs and he’s been there in my mind#sometime this month i do want to make some images of him w/ the pride flags of my hcs so general gay and then mlm and then intersex#general post ph crew rundown theres linebeck and then damien is bi and trans and bellum doesnt fucking care and link is figuring it out#so its half we got it and half man i have other things to worry about#i feel like you put linebeck and midna in a room and they are gay/lesbian buddies mlm/wlw solidarity thats what they are to me#anyways. revisited my post abt possession aftermath effects. you can probably tell i enjoy hurt/comfort/whump#smth darkly funny to me abt extremely sick and delirious linebeck and worried link kinda hanging out in his room#with link being like i bet youll be fine!!! you’re recover youre fine. and linebeck just saying kid i have rabies symptoms#anyways he lives hes fine he survives the magic squid rabies. to calm the characters nerves and my own ive decided that once hes well enoug#linebeck and link decide to visit the fairy queen to get some kinda divine checkup and to get the closure of. linebeck is fine he’s fine#nothing malicious is lingering youre good just. get some more bed rest#i do like the idea that when hes got some minor injury to the degree of some little papercur linebeck is incredibly bitchy and whatnot#and then when he’s in genuine danger of dying he’s eerily chill abt it. while recovering from possession one day when he can walk he just#chills on the deck when theres no breeze just smoking. ofc hes terrified inside but fuck if hes going to be obvious abt it (when lucid)#could tie that to his trauma n whatever ig but rn i dont have the energy to really think on it idk hes had enough bad injuries#and has found that when hes actively distressed crying out and whatnot didnt really get people to help#like its smth he learned early on his brother was there and there was just enough but like yknow. wasnt ingrained ig#thats a different thing to be lumped into the idea of him learning that its fine to be more vulnerable abt what you feel n need n want#prob smth he practices with link i mean damien is good but he needs to learn to listen instead of assume for that first bit#uhhh. earlier today i almost made a vent post but didnt but i think the gist was god i need to stop comparing other loz things to my iwn#bc it never never ends well. anyways. uhhh. came up with a possible post ph story arc for bellum n link#and decided to revive an older one with link and linebeck. post ph is really really just its own thing tbh#ofc meant to be a sorta fan sequel thing but between the disregarding of canon sequel stuff and not really adhering to the feeling n whatno#its just its own thing and i like it. ill prob delete this later
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you know when you get those adverts for like protein shake meal replacement bullshit products and people say shit like ‘im just so busy with work i never have the time for breakfast or lunch or dinner or snacks, so this horrible brown powder milkshake is a huge life TIMEsaver!’ and ‘its so convenient! i just swallow a glass of tasteless powder to meet my basic vitamin needs and then i have all the time my employer wants from me!’ and then you have to keep watching the unskippable ad only for the person not to become immediately radicalised by what they were just forced to say. I genuinely cannot fathom how people write these scripts, say them out loud, film these videos, edit them and publish them and nobody involved in that process is going insane. are you even listening? are you reading those words? cant you see the exploitation of workers is forcing you to stop performing even the most necessary of tasks like eating real food? and cant you see we have been so convinced that is normal that there are entire businesses and ad campaigns based on it?
food, actual real good normal food, is a human right, but also part of your culture, your family, your community. Its a source of joy, health, fun, love and creativity. please dont let these fucked up companies convince you its just time that could be better spent slaving away for the rich monsters that hold your contract.
#this is all so dystopian on so many levels#i also want to make clear bc if this ever sees the light of day outside my internet circle#that i am not talking about meal replacements for people who actually need them#if you have a chronic illness/disability or just some other physical condition that means you need to recieve your nutrition through#meal replacements of any kind - this post is not about that situation#this is about capitalism convincing the general public (forgive the phrasing) that people should forgo proper food in order to create more#time for corporations to exploit out of workers#i think (as some recovering (sort of) from an ed) our society has warped the way we view food and nutrition so disgustingly#and not just in the body image ‘health’ obsessed way#but also in this way and im sure many others too#so many foods or meals are marketed as prepare/cooked in x minutes and no prep and super convenient and has daily dose x x and x vitamins#LIKE. WHAT ABOUT TASTE. WHAT ABOUT THE JOY OF COOKING A BIG MEAL WITH YOUR FRIENDS. WHAT ABOUT FAMILY DINNERS.#WHAT ABOUT THE PRIDE YOU FEEL FINALLY GETTING A RECIPE RIGHT#WHAT ABOUT MAKING UR FOOD LOOK CUTE FOR FUN. WHAT ABOUT TEACHING KIDS HOW TO COOK. WHAT ABOUT SHARING FOOD WITH UR NEIGHBOURS.#WHAT ABOUT FAMILY RECIPES AND SECRET INGREDIENTS AND FEELING FULL AND HAPPY.#CAN ANYONE HEAR ME.
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love my leather boots sooo much.. polishing them at weekends is my favourite chore by far I always look forward to getting to do it :-)
#just re-lacing them rn so theyre ready for work tomorrow theyre so shinyyy muah#when my next payday comes around im gonna get a second pair so im not putting as much strain on the leather by wearing them everyday#but i think im gonna go for a different colour to my standard black.... ik solovair do similar ones in burgundy or bottle green hmm#well i have a month to think abt it before i decide!#red is my go to accent colour but green would probably fit better with my work wardrobe... and i do wear work clothes 5/7 days a week#anyway.... i need to meditate and then sleep. i usually settle down for bed 9:30 but im a little wired cuz new med change#so ive been putting it off until i feel actually tired so i wont stress abt not being able to fall asleep and then make it worse#i will probably feel pretty tired at work tomorrow but thats okay i dont have anything taxing scheduled#feeling so much better now this weekend is behind me. ik next weekend will likely be difficult again but im more prepared for it#i need to book myself this trip as well before train tix get too expensive so i have smth to look forward to next month....#just debating whether i actually want to invite other ppl or not. itd be rly nice for everyone to come but with recent events i feel-#a little delicate abt social stuff and i dont want to stress myself out and get insecure bc its meant to be a treat for me#like if i invite other ppl itll become their trip and suddenly im in the backseat third wheeling them all#and ill wish i had uninvited myself so they would enjoy it more etc but the POINT is its smth i wanna do!!!! for me!!!#we'll see how this week goes. i dont rly feel ready rn to unmute their server yet tho bc ill just make myself upset abt next weekend#letting sleeping dogs lie for now... ill come back around eventually it always takes some time to recover from mood swings that intense#okay now goodnight! xoxoxoxooxo#.diaries
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