#ill make more and I won't be stopped
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Cos I saw someone 'defending' their misuse of the dollblr tag after receiving an ask about it because 'other people do it' - this is why it's a fucking problem in the first place. It is against TOS. It is unrelated to your post, it is spam, and don't be surprised if everything you post gets reported.
Just because other people spam the tag too, doesn't magically excempt it from TOS or user guidelines. Like at this point I am straight up breaking this down to bare bones website operation here, what's so hard to understand? It's shit like this that literally degrades website quality because as you spread your crap over multiple tags that are accumulating like a goddamn snowball, people stop actually using those tags for the topic they were meant for. People stop posting. People leave. Welcome to dead internet.
It doesn't matter if you see other people doing it, rules are rules. There is a reason WHY tag spam is against the rules and that's to keep a website useable. Actual Dollbr-bloggers? Keep reporting guys.
#dollblr cleanup crew#dollblr#i was serious when i said I wake up every morning to pressure hose down tags#also the irony of them claiming people politely asking them to stop are narcissists#my dude ... please look up the definition of narcissistic#'I see what you're saying but actually I'm more important because excuse that doesn't make sense because it's against TOS anyway'#fandom discourse#you're just as bad as pornbots#i am old. i have watched the rise and fall of multiple social media platforms. i have watched the marching progression of enshittification#tumblr is the only social media that doesn't actually make my mental health worse and i will die on this hill#i won't let bad actors ruin everyone else's experience or mine#yeah i could have said this to them directly but 1. I am not the type to do targeted de-anonmyised callouts#2. conscious of the fact a lot of these coquette posters are literally half my age (15) and are minors#2.5 sidenote jesus christ please find a bettee niche than yeeting all your autonomy to men and glorifying your mental illness#your adult self will thank you#3. looking at current replies they got big 'lalala not listening' energy and having my own post means it is unavoidable and not eraseable
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one awesome fact about me is that if i dont agree with a rule i simply dont follow it. i am so stubborn and my family hates me for it ❤️❤️
#ever since ive started living with my mom she just keeps adding more and more shit i have to do and i think its stupid#so i don't listen 🔥🔥#no food or drink in my room? i was allowed do to that before. kill yourself. you can't stop me#i have to sit at the uncomfortable ass dinner table with my awful fucking brothers? i HAVE to eat what you make#and im not allowed to get my own food because that's rude? kill yourself!! i just won't eat dinner. and i haven't been.#you found some fuckass thing of “family rules” at goodwill and now want me to follow it? no!!#YOU CAN'T MAKE ME DO THINGS I DONT WANT TO!!!!#i cant function with other people is it clear yet#everything has to be done my way or ill start crying because i dont understand how everyone else works
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Self indulgent au go BRRRRR
#my art#self indulgent#horror papyrus#papyrus x self insert#also i changed the name of this au#instead of#LATPOT#its#POTAG#Or#our lives as the parents of two astral guardians#ill be posting the refs later#also i have short animatic that goes with this#its to more than anything reprise#but like i stopped making it halfway through and probably won't ever finish it
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Absolutely love your art. I want to nom it.
Also, Hollow Heads Siblings my beloveds,,,
Theyre the doomed siblings ever its not even funny
#Oouugh i have thoughts abt the hollowhead siblings. How theyre so intricately tied to eachother since their birth but they'd be#Eachother'd downfall. Esp when it's Dark and his relationship with the others#Dark would never understand what chosen went through. Mainly bc i think chosen is used to fighting his internal battles on his own#While he was in captive as an ad blocker. He loves Dark. He's grateful for Dark bc without him he wouldn't be free#But Dark isnt exactly someone reliable enough for Chosen to get the necessary healing he wants and needs#But that won't stop Dark from trying to fix him. Creates the virus for revenge. As chosen watches his brother spiral and spiral#As he watches him drift further away. Unable to get him back without a shouting match. As he watches with his heart heavy and cracked at-#Their stiffed interactions and strained relationship. He can't remember a time where they shared geniune laughs.#Then tsc coming came and changed everything.#Because this is someone who went through Chosen's pain albeit a lil differently. Someone who knows. Someone who /understands/. And this-#Someone is so much more younger than them and had to go through that pain in such a short amount of time since their birth#He sees himself in them. And he's rather walk up to alan demanding to get his hands cuffed than let tsc fester in that pain.#So tsc became chosen's priority. Healed eachother in many ways than one and are at echother's beck and call if need be.#As for Dark. I think he'd manipulate tsc into using him for his revenge. After stalking out his code and finding out about his potential#And TSC cant help but fall for his manipulations. Since this person is very very important to Chosen and they want so badly to impress-#Them both. They agreed and overtime grew to love eachother. And overtime Dark shifted his goals just a tad bit. Getting TSC more and more-#Involved. Since hey if Chosen doesn't like touching alan with a 10 ft pole why not let this kid do. And TCS agrees to this thinking that-#This is it. This is can finally heal them completely. Finally out of sight and out of mind. Finally can't live without the pain lingering#And chosen watches them with a sense of deja vu. At loss at what to do and so so afraid to lose two of his lil siblings#Then shit hits the brick UBSJDBSJSN#They make me so ill im not even kidding when i said theyre so so very very doomed!!!!!!!!!#This is abt the au btw BAHHAHAHABHA
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Knitting is singlehandedly destroying my wrists, so I need to replace its role with another creative hobby. Please give me any suggestions you may have!
Requirements are:
-Can't destroy my wrists further, at least not as fast as knitting does
-Should be reasonably inexpensive and not too daunting to start
-Calming would be nice
-Textile arts are a plus :)
-Obscure is welcome
#please i know someone here knows some obscure creative thing that wont destroy my wrists#my problem is that i love knitting but i recognize that destroying my wrists at the ripe age of 22 isnt great#but i know that to stop doing knitting i need to replace it with something because knitting is a big thing for me#i knit in a lot of my free time bcuz if i want to watch something i need to do something else alongside#otherwise i cant concentrate#so ill watch a lot of Dimension 20. or rn im listening to an unknown armies actual play. or podcasts#i listened to almost all of tma while knitting#if i don't knit i won't really be able to focus on any of these things anymore which will make me want to push through and do it anyway#please lmk your ideas. i have two projects to finish that will probably be slow going#and then I'm probably going to have to more or less retire my needles#i just like being creative and making things too much
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my best friend's MOTHER called me to scold me about being depressed and self isolating lol what has life even come to
#she was like. kya hua why won't you meet her she's saying you're busy do you have exams or something#and she knows too much about me so she's like beta exam toh agli saal hai na#it was more like pyaar se scolding ki mil liya karo usse acche lagega she's very sad she misses you#i was like. hmph. what??? she certainly hasn't said that to me#im kinda sick and tired of begging people to make me a priority pay attention to me tbh. i did ask to meet but she was like you come to my#house only i won't come to your house. even tho last few months ive been to her house soooo many times because of her parental drama#i don't want to go anymore im trying to study consistently and we don't sleep at all during nighout and i don't even want to waste a single#day. plus dad is being so weird and involved these days i can't even just sneak out. i mean if she came to my home atleast i wouldn't be so#tired that id waste the whole next day. but she doesn't wanna and she doesn't even have a reason so i just let it be i gave up#but aunty made me feel so guilty so whatever i texted like hey u wanna meet#tbh i don't want to sit and listen to her boyfriend drama all night. she never wants to do stuff together anymore we used to watch movies#we used to dance to songs we used to have so much fun. we were even planning on drinking but she keeps cancelling. now it's just endless#talk about how she feels so lonely and how she misses the guys so fuckinh much and howshe can't stop talking to them and how she needs them#to fill the gap the empty space#well fuck you!!! i feel the same and you don't give a fuck. you blow me off constantly don't hangout for a month even when we're in the#same city !! so we fuck you go to your boys and go your cousin ill be on my fucking own then always on my own desperately#trying everything to fix myself enough to move forward so my life doesn't fall apart and comes to a crashing halt#okay im definitely pmsing but whatever
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have you watched the pjo show?
I saw the first 2 episodes when they came out at a watch party one of my friends threw, and as soon as they ended I realized I didn't particularly care to keep going. It wasn't like, outrageously bad by any means, I just don't think it gripped me enough to want to continue, and there were enough odd adaptational choices that I thought weakened the story that I lost interest. I might have tuned back in if the changes actually built to something interesting in the later episodes, but from everything I've seen it kinda seems like they just took the teeth out of the story, which was what I was worried about.
That being said, the cast seems really great and well suited to their roles, so like, if they improve the writing and pacing in the later seasons and stop sanding down all the rough edges, I might pick it back up. But otherwise, pass.
#im like famously bad at watching tv tho so me not wanting to continue is less dramatic than it probably sounds#i just don't really watch it casually anymore so I'll only follow along with shows that i really really like#i got another ask about the show a little while ago and i was like 'oh ill answer that once ive caught up' and then i never caught up so#sorry to whoever sent that i wasn't ignoring you i just never got to the ep you mentioned#like if I'm trying to be optimistic. given how quickly shows get canned if they're not immediately super popular. and given that this is a#disney product. its possible that once the show proves it can be commercially successful and the characters get older they might stop#playing it so safe and boring and bring some of the harder and more complicated elements back in. and like. that won't fix what they've#already fumbled but it will at least make the story better and more interesting. but idk how likely that is esp since#rick riordan seems totally on board with all the changes and it sounds like he doesn't really get why they diminish the story#like i feel like they're thinking too much about whether or not a change has a huge impact on the plot and not enough about how it#impacts the characters and the overall theme and vibe of the story. if that makes sense#like sure we still got from point A to point B in roughly the same way but that trip means something different for the characters now#and if you do that enough times you end up with a completely different result at the end even if we're technically in the same place#percy jackson show#asks
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brrrrr (/pos)
#weight talk#<- just in case even though this is pos#but like. okay ive been. SEVERELY underweight all my life#like i looked like a skeleton you could see all my bones it was AWFUL#i just. I've literally always hated looking like that i hated looking like a walking corpse i mean i looked ILL#but recently i started taking remeron for anxiety#partially bc my anxiety keeps causing me to not eat properly bc i feel sick constantly#so i kept ending up in the ER for malnutrition and dehydration and my liver getting messed up#well i started the remeron for the panic attacks bc daily panic attacks suck but the psych mentioned it could increase appetite#and it???? did????? I'm eating on a slightly more regular schedule???? I'm eating more than once a day????#and like. ok I've always weighed like 100lbs#highest i ever got was 111 when i was 16#and then it dropped 10#and then dropped 10 more in the span of 3 months while i was in and out of ER#and i was genuinely starting to panic over it bc i could PHYSICALLY FEEL my muscles getting eaten bc i had no fat left#like i was getting drastically weaker by the day my knees still won't stop buckling#but in the about three months I've been taking those meds I've. gained 10 back#I'm actually gaining weight like me and my mother are genuinely SHOCKED this genuinely hasn't happened since i was fucking TWELVE#and just now i took off my shirt and noticed. holy shit. my stomach doesn't go CONCAVE when I'm hungry anymore#like whenever i couldn't tell if i was hungry before i would just look at my stomach and be able to tell if it was too curved inwards#but now!!!!!!! it doesn't do that!!!!!!! and I'm genuinely fucking ecstatic like oh my god i don't look dead anymore#I've always wanted to gain weight i feel like i would be 100% more comfortable in my body as a fat trans man#and i can't talk about that to anyone bc they always say it's either self harm or fetishistic#when no i just genuinely feel more comfortable in my skin thinking of myself that way#and now i have confirmation that i would genuinely be happier that way with this bc the sheer joy i have at not being underweight anymore#i mean I'm still a bit under but at least im gaining SOMETHING like at least i dont look like a drowned street cat#seeing the very slight rolls and folds in my stomach when i move the right way makes me happy
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little sisters are a test from god actually
#i think I've made this exact post before ...#shes just so MEAN to me#like I'll say good morning or good night and she just glares at me and tells me to get out of her room#I'll ask her where xyz kitchen appliance is and she'll tell me to use my eyes and stop annoying her#I'll sit on her bed to pet the cat and she'll yell at me#I'll wear something cute and ask her if she likes it or ill ask for her opinion#and she'll tell me that she doesn't care and that it doesn't even matter what she thinks so i should stop seeking validation#like???? i just want a little compliment every once in a while... is that a crime#she'll openly compliment my older sister constantly but when it comes to me she suddenly thinks she's some life coach or something and that#im an idiot for wanting to get a compliment when i feel a bit more confident in my appearance#she'll talk my ear off when she's in a good mood but if i talk the same amount she gets irritated and zones out or just starts being rude#i cant tell her things most of the time because she's always being mean to me.#i cant tell my parents things half the time because they dont get it and because it's so hard to be vulnerable#also because im gay and closeted#im out to my little sister but i cant even tell her anything about my life because shes so.#she doesn't care. shes judgmental. she always has something rude to say. she's supposedly supportive#bc she won't out me. but she makes me feel like a bad person for being a lesbian sometimes#it's so weird. i cant be sisters with my sisters because my older sister is so different and so homophobic#and my younger sister has become so prickly and cold over time#we used to be close before.#z.post
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Maybe I should go back to seeing my therapist, he was a good person, à l'écoute, but maybe I should explain why I stopped seeing him (on top of work load becoming unbearable).
Same with my psychiatrist though I think it'll be harder to see her because of the summer.
#I'm feeling so out of it#I have the worst support system for the terrible mental breakdown I've been having the last few weeks#I only have one friend talking to me and I am just working at my part time job and trying to do school work and work for 2 because one of#them won't work and my family is...well. I thought I could have my mum supporting me but she just can't seem to read the room#but I don't want to become bitter even though I already am. I want to be better but my mind is sinking and maybe I'm as bad as my ex friend#said I was. Maybe I am as much a bad person as my brother says I am. Maybe I'm in denial#I've stopped taking medication for a few months now and it's all slipped back in my mind and I can't rest. I'm always tired or on speed#I feel dull and isolated#I haven't had any physical contact with anyone in weeks (not a hug or a handshake) I feel a little bit alienated#it makes me want to disappear again and go far far away#I don't know what the issue even is. I don't know what mental illness I have. I thought it was bpd but what if it isn't#I just want to be normal. I want to be normal and happy. Rational level-headed not anxious paranoid and exhausted like I am#I want to cry to open the dam of emotions in my brain but it feels like a small tear in highly pressurized tank that's going to do more#damage and no good
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Well, I made it through today without throwing up or my knees fucking up, so even tho I was half hour late to work I count that as a successful day tbh
#im so scared of all this depo stuff#im worried of taking it anyway cs what if it means the gic won't let me go on t#also if i stop it then my joints are gonna be fucked for like half the time or more#compared to atm it's been like two three days in this entire 2-and-a-bit month block including today#but if it is actually making me ill in other ways or if this horrifying thing is gonna keep happening#it's a fucking shitty decision to make#at least I'd. idfk. i just don't want to be in pain#i want to be able to move without hurting#but if that's not possible then it's not possible#maybe going on t would have a similar side effect - it's my hormones going up and down that send my joints so much like this#mum's the same she used to get bad one half the month#she has a worse baseline than me but doesn't go up and down as much as i do if you know what i mean#going on depo helped her but idk about it for me#oh fuck mobile i can't read my tags back#anyway im stressed#ive liked depo so far (less periods and less pain) but this like i said this morning im scared of#im v scared of getting checked but i know i have to#and im gonna stop typing and think about smth else before i can't stop crying
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despite the lukewarm response to the Hannibal panel at NYCC, i am praying to every god out there that this is not the last time they attend an event together, because i only got into Hannibal a few months ago, and even though i was lucky enough to get photos and autographs with them this time, i would give just about anything to see them at least one more time
#and maybe next time i won't be so shy and can tell them how much i love them instead of just saying 'hi' and 'thank you so much'#and barely making eye contact#next time i want a selfie at the autograph table too#didn't know that was even an option until i got there and didn't have enough cash left on me#NYCC was surprisingly unorganized for a con that's been in existence for 18 years#i know its not easy to hold such a large scale event#but there were a lot of details that were not clarified beforehand ANYWHERE for first-time attendees#and i did my research on google/reddit/etc beforehand too and was still ill-prepared#like how people could show up day-of and get in the same autograph line ahead of me even though i paid in advance#(i almost didn't get an autograph from mads AT ALL because of this - thank god i barely got thru the line in time)#or how there would be VIP seats at panels that they would just randomly tell people to come up and fill so it was a rush to the stage#or how they said we would all get WWDITS shirts and then had absolutely no plan for handing them out so barely anyone got them#also the layout of the javits center is the most fucked up horribly confusing building i've ever had to navigate in my life lol#barely had time to stop people to take pics of cosplay because i was so confused about where the hell i was going at all times#i was really struggling badly with my mental the entire trip which didn't help at all#anyway. i wish i got just a few more seconds with mads and hugh and wasn't so shy and dissociative and rushed#i miss them already#now i'm going to go cry in my bed and delusionally pretend that they will remember me forever despite me being extremely forgettable
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#truly tired of the way my parents arguing has evolver. congrats theres no more violence but now you constantly have arguments everywhere#about everything#because they talk like everything is a competition and its just passive aggressive comments!#truly thinking about running away and just disappearing for a while but i know that would not change a thing! bc thats how stupid they are#one day theyll be old and under my care and ill hire people to argue 24/7 on my house so that they can understand what it feels like!#its like having the most annoying song on loop ever since you were born! and it won't stop#it will only get annoying remixes#im this old and single and they don't even wonder why... bc im tired of putting up with other people. im always putting up with them!#like arguing about who is the most unhealthy and continuing to still be unhealthy... none of you is winning the argument! bc youll both end#up sick in a hospital#yet u have to hear these stupid arguments!#and about how the house is filled with clutter#if youre not going to change it. stop complaining!!!!!#youre just making it worse for others because now i have to put up with your noise and nonsese and the house is still a mess!!!!#i know sometimes im being dramatic about the whole thing but like brain totally turns into mush especially when i haven't had any food#and ive already heard 3 different passive aggressive comments and arguments#and my dad always acting like he ends up being the bad guy.... maybe if you had actually been a dad during my formative years things would#be different. its not normal for a kid to think their dad has a secret 2 family bc he spends time away just to have fun#dont complain now that i got more attached to my other parent
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need to tell my parents something but maybe killing myself is easier?
#suicide mention#the irony is that they will punish me for my 'fuck up' but my fuck up is a direct consequence of being mentally ill#so once again I will be punished for being mentally ill which will make me even more mentally ill#every time I've tried to tell my mother about my mental illness#and that only happened two times because I know how she'll react#and I didn't even mention having disorders I just talked about one of the symptoms#her reaction was vile and accusatory and she blamed me for being 'weak' or inventing my symptoms#this is the most basic ableist shit imaginable but that doesn't make it hurt any less#I told my mother that I wanted to kill myself and she responded with disgust#who can I turn to when the people who are supposed to help me and guide me are the ones that cause my suffering#and then blame me for it and make it even worse#I'm afraid of my parents I'm afraid of telling them the truth but I don't have the energy to lie#but even the lies won't keep me from being judged and scolded#and that shit makes me want to die#I know that my reaction is not reasonable'#but if I get this shit from them every time I open up or show vulnerability#of course my mind creates this reaction#so that I avoid getting into this situations#but I cannot avoid it and avoiding itself harms me but I also cannot stop because in some cases it's literally a question of my safety#it's insane. I will literally get blamed for being mentally ill#they don't know I'm mentally ill so they'll just think I'm lazy or acting out and they'll blame me for it#but if I told them why I did what I did (or rather didn't do it) they'll blame me for inventing shit and trying to be 'special'#by sabotaging my life#and like. getting into a fight with your parents isn't some world ending thing but it is to me#because I'm fucked in the head#but it's a fucking vicious cycle and now I understand what my ex meant by that#mentally ill girls solidarity haha#🫀
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woke up feeling ruffff but took my meds and went back to bed for a while n I feel a bit better
#only slept 4 hrs yesterday so was rly hoping to get a solid nights sleep today bc i probably won't tonight....#but i didnt sigh. but my options are either to plough thru w today and make myself do this even tho i dont rly feel like it#or cancel plans and stay in and mope which will inevitably turn into self harm so rly the latter is a non option lmao#its all okay ill get into the swing of things n have a good time once im thereee#and i always knew i was gonna feel a bit like this like its an open wound for me i just need to be careful not to touch it#bc how i feel isnt based in reality its just insecurity n vulnerability n ik it can take months to fully recover from a previous episode#and part of the recovery process needs to involve facing potentially triggering situations instead of avoiding them#bc otherwise ill get increasingly worse bc its not possible to always avoid and ill be defenceless again when it does happen again etc#like its part of rebuilding my sense of self n confidence n hopefully i can eventually start to trust other ppl again n lower my guard#bc it sucks being contorted into this defensive pose all the time and i would like to allow myself to feel genuine connection w others !!#and to stop instinctively flinching and waiting for the hit im tired of my mind telling me ppl r lying + trying to hurt me when theyre not#im being a bit dramatic like i am doing a LOT better than i was a few weeks ago. n i def can handle this one#and the risk of triggering myself is much much lower anyway in this specific situation. so long as theyre not hiding shit from me again#i can think of several ways that risk could skyrocket n unexpectedly spiral out of my control n it makes it hard to breathe just imagining#but i need to believe that it wont. so if-no WHEN it doesnt then next time ill have proof that i can navigate it n i wont feel so anxious#it makes me laugh how stupid this is from an outside perspective. my brain causes me so much weird n 100% unnecessary distress#but its the only brain ive got n will always have so i need to work with it!!#anyway all that aside i genuinely am rly looking forward to this afternoon!! ive rly wanted to start doing more nice things for myself#n the fact it coincides w missing smth that could incite my rsd is kind of for the best even if it is making me anxious#i cant let my life revolve around anticipating how ppl might upset me n basing my decisions off minimising that damage#n while it would be nice to have company.. well ik its just as fun going alone bc ive done it before! n i need a reminder of that#ah im gonna turn myself in circles if i think much more. i dont need to justify anything#i hope they have a nice time and i hope i have a nice time and i hope that eventually someday we can have a nice time together instead#of separately. and i hope that someday ill feel included and wanted by other ppl and wont be posting on tumblr every time this happens LOL#this comes across like im saying i need to learn how to enjoy my own company or whatever but i prommy i already do..#what i actually need to learn is how to trust n enjoy the company of ppl i care abt without constantly being scared theyll hurt me....#but thats not happening today cuz i got other plans woooo OKAYY im gonna stop ruminating and get some chores done sjdkfh#.vent#<- well not rly a vent bc its not like im channelling feelings here im just rambling bc i have a lot on my mind. but still#this is prolly incoherent i keep putting my phone down and doing other things and then adding another thought LOL
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