#i cant function with other people is it clear yet

[absolutelyzoned]

one awesome fact about me is that if i dont agree with a rule i simply dont follow it. i am so stubborn and my family hates me for it ❤️❤️

[tacroyy]

first week of school. also want to add that ill try to do content warnings better for these! haven’t done a good job of that at all. mentions of racial and ableist slurs, discussion of stressed kids, food insecurity, institutional neglect and harm, general discussion of trauma

ok, thursday and friday weren’t bad other than me being beyond exhausted. i truly couldn’t have functioned without my adhd meds. the seventh graders are fucking amazing and we had The Best discussion, totally out of the blue, about prejudicial language, specifically the n-word and the r-word (both are problems at our school 🙃). i basically don’t have classroom management over them rn (or at least am not bothering to Exert It) bc their other teachers are Overreacting and being Too Intense bc it’s the start of the year so since they already know me it’s all steam blowing off in my class but honestly that’s fine. they don’t have to be non-feral until next week bc i just want them to Relax right now. the sixth graders just got lockers and are Going Through It emotionally so there’s a lot of “breathe, try again” and “nobody is doing tardies right now” bc some of them literally haven’t developed their fine motor skills enough yet and our locks and lockers are, no lie!!!!!, forty years old and Cranky. so that’s a lot of unregulated stress to channel off. i think i say this twice a week but i Do Not Understand how ANYONE teaches elementary school. makes No sense to me. beginning of sixth grade is often too young for me, really; so many of them haven’t developed that, like, independent rationality yet, and it’s A Lot when there are So Many of them.

the ideal way to end this first week would have been to have like a half day for prep so we could meet w teachers, contact parents/guardians, do sped referrals, seating chart upheavals, etc. there’s a lot of “ah, okay, here’s what This batch needs” even 3 or 4 days in, and it would just be so lovely and useful and productive and overall good for everyone to have that. for example i overheard a convo that made it clear that a family hadn’t signed their kid up for free lunch this year and so the kid didn’t get lunch so i had to run around and tell the right people (teachers don’t have access to that info) and make sure they got fed and all but it took my whole prep, and im obviously delighted to do that, but then i didn’t have any prep time and did my last three classes on the fly. not that this kind of thing doesn’t happen most days. it’s just that more prep time is imo the number one thing we need as a profession. i cant begin to express how much it would help everyone.

plus there are, as always, the kids that i just want to have a four hour productive meeting about every single day, where we hash out an Actual Plan. with a social worker, a reading specialist, a developmental psychologist, a pediatrician, a therapist, a sped expert, a speech therapist, an occupational therapist, a case manager, a para AND an ea and a secretary for notes. instead it’s me and the counselor who has a 250 kid caseload for ten minutes in the hall.

ive had a dream for a while, since grad school actually, of studying the affect of referred trauma on kids’ peers and school faculty and staff, especially peers and faculty and staff who also have trauma. the amount of shit that slides off of me now because you Have to grow the most perfectly balanced shield of “i will Act on this and Not ignore it” and “i must Remain Calm” and “I’ve just heard the Worst Thing Ever and have to teach for another four hours”. what does it do to you long term? what about the ones who get inured? and the ones who don’t? how can we actually help people handle this well? i know there’s So much stuff out there about secondary/vicarious trauma, and trauma informed education, and i want to be able to know if it’s at all useful or if it’s too tainted to use, like i now expect from basically all educational academia. to be clear i have already done a lot of work in this area but not for a while, and i wanted to reframe the fundamentals.

so glad we have a three day weekend now.

[nahalism]

The past two years ive had my concrete bubble pinched and it’s like I see things clear since then. Ive had extreme highs. Never been so close to myself and the world. Yet also the most extreme lows. Current situation. It’s hard for me to understand whether what i feel is my soul or ego. This makes it hard to take action. Do you have an opinion or advice? is there a way you can separate your ego thinking from your soul needs? Your answers always relate to my thinking, that’s why I ask you. Thank you for that.

hey, sorry it took me a while to answer this because i wanted to make sure i gave it a response it deserved. forgive me if i talk in circles, but ill explain best as i can. short answer is, as much as the lows seem brutal, they are markers of correction, and often bring greater profit to you longterm than the extreme highs. there is no way to escape pain and discomfort, it is aways there, there are just ways to manage it. some better than others. whilst the extreme highs are beautiful, it is often stated that ignorance is bliss. pain teaches, bliss is what it feels like when youve caught up on your current lesson and are unaware you have another to learn.

to break it down a little further, perhaps the answer lies somewhere in the differentiation your making between your ego and your soul. we all have various parts of ourselves (our inner child, our protector, our ego, our public face, our 'core being'/ soul etc etc, but all of those parts regardless of how distinct they all feel, are still us. there is no way to get away from having an ego, its how you govern yourself, (thoughts, and actions), that determines the nature of that ego. so perhaps the highs and the lows are coming from the process of you defining what a unified/integrated version of you looks and functions like, rather than from a battle of which side of you is right/wrong/should win? only integration of the parts into one whole bring peace. not an end to suffering, but peace through the suffering.

side note, striving for purity can be just as (if not more) misguiding than having allowance and acceptance for what is, and surrendering to the path you are on. if you can find faith in yourself & the world, & trust that for all your misdeeds and 'carnal wants', your heart, mind, and soul, are striving for what is righteous, the highs and lows start to have less to do with you (or being a reflection of how well your doing), and more to do with what your being taught and your level or acceptance/resistance to it. the ebb and flow between periods of disillusionment, periods of making mistakes or falling short, and then periods of recognising your mistakes and the ways you missed your mark, and as such can do better, are examples of how, the dark feeds the light and the light the dark. if the dark is ignorance, and light is knowledge, then the dark is not inherently bad, its just untapped territory that you are navigating, and in navigating it, fostering your evolution. once you are 'evolved' and have shed light on what was once dark, you (being the light) begin to cast shadows that illumine another untapped part of the path. then the cycle plays out again.

you cant cheat the path. unfortunately the pain and suffering is inevitable. we all suffer for the things we choose to believe in. but its the way we suffer or respond to the path/cycle we are on, that determines the version of ourselves that will go on to experience that next part of the cycle. each time we go around, we gain new tools to apply (knowledge wisdom and understanding). the tools are heavy and hard to wield, but with practice comes mastery. the more you keep going, the more resilience you build. it doesnt get easier, but practice makes it bearable. the important thing is that you aren't suffering in vain. some people choose to believe in love, some choose virtue, some choose pleasure, others choose hedonistic pleasure, some choose peace, and others self interest. what matters is suffering for the right cause, and the only right cause is the thing that feels worth it to you in your heart of hearts. in my experience ive found the answer lies somewhere in-between the version of yourself you want to be, and understanding what that version of you has to offer to others. when you go forward on that path, do it not from a desire to escape pain, but because its what you believe in. belief in what you do is the the only thing that makes it worth it

its long answer i know but i hope it answered your question. its also just my opinion/experience. if you read this and feel differently to what ive said, then that may also provide the clarity you need. ultimately you have all the answers inside of you! <3 sending u love and luck

[roughentumble]

.

also like im sorry. but the first time i heard the term "landback" and didnt know exactly what it entailed, i googled it, and the first thing i found said that its a term that no one really agrees how it should be enacted, or what it encompasses, or what it could entail precisely.

so yes. if you want to have an effective discussion about land back, you have to specifically talk about the version of it that you have in mind when you're advocating for it. because no one can agree on exactly what it looks like. and its different for every tribe and every area and even then there's still discussion within the tribe. which is fine! but it means there's no clear conversation to be had if youre not specific and you dont explain.

and im for land back!!! in all situations!! all of those different variables, im for all of them!!! but you literally cant be mad when someone says "ive never heard of that before, what would it mean for my daily life". would the laws change? the taxes? we dont trust cops around here, but what would it mean for fire fighter response? what about local government? who would i call for zoning issues, or is that not relevant to me once i've taken part in land back?

these arent malicious questions. these are normal questions to ask about how a massive shift would work. i dont care if youve gone over it with people in the community, people OUTSIDE the community havent heard the discussions. go over it with them so they understand what would happen. I THINK IT SHOULD HAPPEN. IT'S STILL GOOD TO DISCUSS LOGISTICS

god, the same shit happens with complete prison abolition, where people get so annoyed when you ask "what would society look like without prisons and how would we deal with crime and genuine harm done to others?"

they jump to saying "it isnt dealt with now! there's only 1% of rapists in prison, there's only [x]% of abusers, the recidivism rates, the way prison is a den of abuse for the people in it" and like yes i agree with those points. but also no matter what you say, people will hear 1% and go "but 1% is a better chance of being saved if im on the receiving end of extreme violence, than 0% in a system that does nothing". they!!! are always going to go with the devil they know!!! if the alternative is completely in the dark!!!!

"what is the alternative to prisons" is always, in my experience seeing these conversations leak out into public internet discourse, to say "well, there's just so many options, and we're still discussing in the community--" stop. stop. that will never ever ever work. that will never convince anyone.

1) you never stop doing [x social thing] without any solid clearly defined agreed upon plan for the alternative. you just dont. 2) that doesnt encourage anyone to look for more information, it makes it sound like there is no solid alternatives period, 3) just!! say!!! what you think!!!! just say "well there arent any solid plans yet, but i personally like [x method] and [y method]", because that gives people a foothold. that gives them the context to start understanding the argument, the alternative that is being presented, it gives them a broad image of what to picture for a prisonless society and how it might function. that is an archetype WE DONT CURRENTLY HAVE, so you have to paint them a picture so they can start to imagine. so that they have some place to start looking. some concept they can start to research on and expand from there.

most people dont know what a prison-less society or land back looks like. im sorry its annoying to explain it a lot. but they dont know. if you want to do outreach, paint a picture. tell them what it means. get into logistics.

the moment you step outside your community to talk to people outside it, you are doing outreach. so look into how to do it well, how to get people on your side, and how to introduce concepts to people who have never heard of it before.

[ankhisms]

painfully aware of how my mental and physical illnesses make it feel almost impossible for me to function or exist at all in society

yes i have a diary now yes i am still writing this here bc im not home yet. my pain in my back and neck and hip have been worse and worse lately and ive been trying to just manage it and deal with it but my mental health has also just been a rollercoaster lately where ill be fine and then ill take a nose dive and have been genuinely really seriously suicidal and close to relapsing into self harm but i thankfully havent. right now im just thinking about how much it sucks that just no matter how hard i try people can still sense that theres something off about me and that i dont act "normal" in our interactions like at the end of the audition i had to talk to this like theater manager lady and the conversation was really hard for me to follow along and get through and it was clear that she thought i was acting weird and she asked me if id be willing to do behind the scenes stuff and i said something like well i like 25 miles out of town so i cant really come for backstage stuff on short notice and she was like well can you follow instructions and i had trouble responding to that because thats a loaded question for me i do often strugglw with the instructions people give me especially in environments like work ones so i said uh within reason and she clearly thought that was a weird response. it just all makes me feel so hopeless i feel like in the past with the theater i grew up in and the other one i acted in they like... they were aware of me being strange but the directors at least didnt hold it against me or get mad at me really for being not normal because they knew i was a good actor and i worked hard and i was serious about it and passionate about it and now i feel like people just notice that im not normal and think that means that they shouldnt have me in their production. but then it hurts to also think like. well what if ive just never actually been very good at this. for such a long time acting was like the only thing i ever truly felt fully confident in myself about and the only thing i belueced in myself about ive always felt pretty insecure about my art and writing even though i love doing those things just as much as acting but with acting i always felt like it was something i was good at or at least decent at it like i got lead roles the first time i tried to go to college i got a scholarship for my acting. and now im just like. what if ive just been total shit at this this entire time. what if someones going to just tell me straight to my face that im laughably bad at this and that its pathetic and that theres no chance in hell that i can ever be a professional actor. thinking about it all now its like man. the professors at that first college i tried to go to who tormented me and told me i was too ugly to get any roles and too emotional really fucked me up i think thats where this self doubt in my acting ability is coming from. because before that whole disaster i really did feel more solidly confident in my ability. and now its like. what if i really just suck at this and no matter how much i love it and care about it and put a lot of work and thought and effort into it what if theres just no chance for me and its all impossible. anyway im just rambling now but yeah. really doubt im getting into the show i auditioned for today

[sugarpuptard]

If you're not mature enough to do research to vote

Why the hell do you have a fiancé

Like that's a far more adult thing then voting?

And yeah, if your fiancé is ok with a rapist and pedophile being one of the most powerful people in the world- get out of there

He clearly doesn't think those things are heinous. Which is profoundly concerning. Its pretty basic that people should find sexual violence heinous. Like that's a low bar that he can't clear

And yeah, he may be nice and polite to people, but he must not view people as equal etc. Otherwise he wouldn't vote for someone with racist sexist abliest etc policies. And who publicly talks about marginalised groups like that

A decent person is disgusted by what trump says. They don't vote for him

Girl get outta there. Get you head out of your ass and do not marry this man

where did i ever say i wasn't mature enough to vote? o-O all i said was i need to research more to get a better understanding of things since it all uses a lot of terms that i don't understand what it means on top of everything being so divided that ppl say all different things due to bias so like i said, i gotta research and learn more. it seems more mature to take ur time to figure stuff out instead of jumping to conclusions and being unsure yet still acting like u know what ur doing, doesn't it? theres a lot of sources to check and cross-check so that takes time, and i still gotta learn some of the term meanings and basic functionings, ik ur taught some of it in school im pretty sure but i wasnt able to attend enough to get all those details, which can make research more difficult. especially when everyone has their own bias you rlly gotta cross reference things to get whats going on more in ppls heads and the facts, im not gonna rush and jump to conclusions with stuff like that

how does me still learning things make me not mature enough to be engaged anyways? i am an adult, i can marry who i love. and assuming he believes all these things when that isnt true is weird. he doesn't even like everything about trump either nor holds the same ideals or agrees with everything he's done or wants to do. he doesn't support bad shit like that and does find those things heinous so i don't get why multiple people have to assume the worst & overall misinterpret my original post -3- i know my soon-to-be husband well, and i wont be breaking up with him just because some anon told me to.

literally all i was doing is journaling, not trying to argue or make people mad. but since people dont realize that i am just brain dumping and they cant just assume someone's complete stance and if they're harmful or not by two sentences i brought up passively as an example of him understanding the basic stuff better than me i guess, i end up having to keep repeating myself since i get like 7+ anons completely missing what i am saying even when im agreeing with them. i rlly dont get all the assuming things? ppl gotta treat each other better, the aggressiveness and hate and bad actions from both ends of the spectrum gives me a headache and makes me wish even more that none of it existed at all

[somepancakeonline5377]

Anyway autism, yeah it can suck BALLS having it man. Here’s a weird rant about random shit related to autism that makes me pissed

Honestly I’m scared to get a autism diagnosis due to the fact that you will never be seen as a responsible, respectful individual no matter how capable you are simply due to the fact your brain function differently then most. A lot of people heavily misunderstand it and a lot of people think it’s a myth or just bullshit like that. Your mere existence can be considered “wrong” “something that needs to be cured”

Also the fucking term Asperger’s Syndrome makes my blood boil. For those who don’t know it’s no longer a proper term for two main reasons. Due to the fact it’s not really needed at all as a person with Asperger’s is just another person with ASD, they call it Autism SPECTRUM disorder for a reason. The other more AWFUL reason is the fact is the person who it was named after was a FUCKING NAZI. LOOK UP HANS ASPERGER IT IS CLEAR AS FUCKING DAY IT SAYS HE WAS A NAZI I AM BEING SO DEADASS.

And the school system really sucks ass to, as a freshmen it’s just so frustrating and school as been frustrating ever sense THIRD DAMN GRADE. ITS SHIT. Nearly every teachers way of teaching just doesn’t bounce of me at ALL, AT A FUCKING ALL. But asking for help is so embarrassing that I rather wait until someone points out my shitty grades then actually ask for help. I mean yeah I am NOT helping myself but I genuinely cannot understand any of the shit going. I am stuck in a damn rut here!! Yet no teacher has like EVER confronted me for my grades either!! LIKE THATS YOUR JOB FUCKING DO IT

Having a special interest and hyper fixation also sucks major dick too. Genuinely like I can’t think straight for like WEEKS AND WEEKS on end only thinking about this thing I love, I can’t shower, eat or sleep at times too!! Hell sometimes, especially with my spinterest, I can’t even STOMACH IT. ITS SO UNBEARABLE. IT MAKES ME SO EXCITED I CANT EVEN PROPERLY INDULGE IN IT.

Doing research on autism as an autistic person is the most anger inducing thing on earth.

[stealingyourbones]

Danny Phantom meets Superman. More accurately I should say that Danny Fenton meets Clark Kent.

Let me make this clear cause people seem to forget this: superman is smart. Clark kent is a very intelligent guy. Hes an INVESTIGATIVE journalist. He works with Lois Lane whos a multiple Pultizer prize winner and you know damn well that Lois wouldn’t work with anyone that cant keep up with her in both wits and smarts. He’s good at his job and in some comics he gets Pulitzer Prizes from some of his articles as well. Dude is dumb but he’s smart if you get what I’m saying. High Int. Low Wis.

With that in mind, During an assignment by Perry White, Lois and Clark meet the Fentons in their Amnesty residence to get some quotes on an article that discusses “Everything we thought didn’t exist is now real. Superheroes, Aliens, even Vampires, so why do we not Believe in Ghosts?”

Clark Kent spots Danny and notices instantly that MANY things are wrong with this child. His shoulders are hunched in a way that is intentional and tensed. Like he doesn’t know if he should fight or flee. His eyes are darting around and constantly taking in their surroundings like he’s waiting for something to barge in. His heart is beating far slower than it should. The kid intentionally makes his chest rise and fall but he’s not breathing in any oxygen. All of those are concerning but they can happen in metas. The thing that isn’t normal is that Clark can’t hear any of Danny’s other organs working. Like the kid is a revitalized corpse and his body only thought to bring back half of its needed functions.

So Clark does some digging. He doesn’t want to tell any of the Justice League because this isn’t a Superman job, this is a job for Clark Kent. He gets some help from Oracle and with her word that she won’t say anything to batman, He agrees to update her regularly about the kids situation.

Oracle sends over some VERY concerning documents from an organization called “The Ghost Investigation Ward”. Oracle tells Clark that she’s working on tipping off the Bats and Birds so they can help dismantle the organization.

While sifting through the documents Clark comes across a profile of a “Danny Phantom”. As I said, Clark isn’t stupid. There is definitely a profile of Danny Fenton as well since he’s the son of two world renown ghost hunters. He puts the two and two together and uncovers just the horrible treatment that Phantom has been receiving from his parents, the government, and his peers. Clark is outraged and can’t just stand aside and let this kid suffer. So he makes another trip to the Fenton residence under the guise of needing another quote and sits Danny and Jazz down and tells him that he knows of the terrible lab safety, the immoral experiments his parents do on the regular, the neglect of the kids in pursuit of scientific discovery. He knows and he wants to help. Clark tells Danny and Jazz that there is an apartment available right nextdoor from his and that he can help them get to a safer location and apply for emancipation.

The Fenton kids are shocked at this guy and his immensely kind heart. Danny knows something is up though. Something is up with Clark Kent. He looks like all his life would be spent in the gym when he isn’t at work and yet Danny can’t find a thing on Clarks interest in working out. His baggy clothes somewhat cover up his muscles but his frame is far too wide to be hidden. Clarks heartbeat is slightly faster than the average persons. No human eyes could be that startlingly sky blue. And Danny knows that he has seen Clarks face somewhere but he cant put a pin on it.

The Fenton kids agree and they get brought to metropolis and the emancipation case is no problem with the evidence Clark managed to collect. The kids get the apartment next to Clarks and Clark helps them grow and get better mentally and situationally. Clark knows that in a way he’s trying to make up for his neglect on Connor but he still knows that helping these kids is the right decision.

After a month or so, Clark and the Fenton kids have a rhythm of meeting at each others apartments, getting doted over to make sure that the fentons are well fed and have everything they need and are getting settled into their new life.

Clark hasn’t told the league. Oracle keeps her promise to keep the Fentons out of Batman and the Justice League’s radar. Clark knows that he will have to tell them soon eventually. He knows that things like this wont last. He tries his best to keep these kids happy and support them how an actual caring parent should act.

A few months into the Fentons stay in Metropolis on a cool autumn afternoon, Danny is sitting on a beanbag chair reading a ratty old book that Clark lent him as Clark is typing away on his computer writing up an article for the Daily Planet when Danny looks over to Clark and says,

“I’m Phantom.”

Clark pauses typing and shoots a small smile towards danny, “I know.”

Danny nods in relieved acceptance as Clark straightens up from his hunced over position on his computer.

He pulls back his shirt collar slightly to show the blue suit and red cape. “I’m Superman.”

Danny looks at him and smiles, “I know.”

They both just sit and continue reading and writing with soft smiles on their faces. Comforted at the exchange and that it’s finally out there and eachother knew.

After a while Danny’s obsession gets to be too much. He tells Clark about it and that he has to find a way to sate his obsession of protecting and Clark accepts that it was only a matter of time and invites him to meet the League.

When Superman brings Danny to the Watchtower, saying that the rest of his fellow superheroes were shocked would be an understatement. The Man of Steel and this ghost kid are talking like a father and son.

To say that Batman was pissed that he wasn’t informed of this child is also an understatement. But there is also some amusement and respect under that frustration. Superman managed to keep this kid under wraps and didn’t even alert Batman. Superman smirking and saying under his breath to him “Looks like the World's Greatest Detective isn’t so great huh?” Makes Batman respect the man even more.

In the Watchtower, Danny meets up with Teen Titans/The Team/Whatever They’re Called Now, and meets Conner. Conner is understandably pissed and spiteful that Danny got to have Superman as a father figure.

Conner knows that Superman treating Danny this way is definitely a way of him trying to make up for the faults and breaks he had with his parental relationship with Conner. he agrees with himself that he shouldn’t hate Danny for having Superman as a Dad and the two get along like tinder and matches. Connor still has a grudge against Superman don’t get me wrong, just not as much as before.

Sometimes while the League is in battle, Superman likes to just look for Danny and watch him hold his own against world ending threats. Danny is now truly confident and it’s no longer a facade. He’s no longer hunching into himself to look smaller. He laughs more often now and seems to be genuinely happy. Superman fondly looks at his son as his kids eyes flicker with green fire as he says a shitty ice pun and freezes Metallo in his tracks with ghostly ice.

[factual-fantasy]

I gots 25 asks here🎶

Not too great if I’m being honest. I’ve been getting a lot more art stolen lately which has totally killed my drive to draw anything. Which sucks because I had this comic I was really excited to post but now I’m really struggling to finish it.

My personal life has been stressful too, but that’s whatever. I’ve got some really good people around me to help me through it. 👍

I’ve been asked this question a lot. And what it really boils down to is it makes me feel like my work was stolen. When I see fanart of my ideas/AUs/characters, I don’t go “Oh this person really likes what I made and made something really nice for me!” I go, “Oh wow.. so this person just kind’a.. took my ideas and drew them without my permission.. greaaat...” 

I know fanart isn’t “stealing”, I know that this view is pretty unreasonable, I know that fanart supposed to be a gift/compliment and that I should be flattered, I know that I’m basically the only artist on planet Earth who doesn't like fanart, I know that I’m too protective of my work, believe me, I know. I’m trying to work on it and be more lenient about fanart and stuff. But for now I just don’t like it and would prefer if no one drew fanart of my works.. 

(Comic series in question)

I have intentions to expand on Foxy’s investigation into the past, I plan to expand on Gregory and his past plus his relationship with the other animatronics.. I wanna expand on the Glamrocks healing process and how Bonnie and Foxy support them through it.. and soon I want to bring the Daycare Attendant and DJ Music Man into the mix.

Especially the DJ, I’ve got big plans for him..  

SPAJSOKJSKDF GET IT? BIG PLANS? AAAAAAAAAAAA

(In reference to this post)

Yes! Yes I did.

I drew TF2 for a very short time, and it was mostly just some odd OCs I made so there’s not many posts about them. But in case you wanna see em here’s the main post that connects to all the other TF2 stuff. :}

I used to be into Transformers: Prime as well! But again, it was mostly just OCs I made, :/ ..

And Octonauts? Yeah! I was into that for a little while actually. No OCs there! If you search the Octonauts tag in my search bar you’ll be sure to find some artwork of mine! :}

Tank you :}} I wish the same for you!

Maybe? Wasn’t his Moon form supposed to be a night patroller of sorts? If so, I think he might have some defense protocols that allow him to protect Fazbear Entertainments property in the case of an intruder.

..Their property being the animatronics.

(Comic in question)

AUHFOWUIDNOIN THANK YOUUU❤❤❤

XD Oh yeah, Foxy and Bonnie too. Especially them actually, the idea is that they’ve never really seen much of Endos. Which is why seeing Bonnies robotic innards was kind’a disturbing for Foxy.  😅

Hmm.. maybe, haven’t really thought that part though yet.. This AU still needs a lot of work. Like all my AUs do honestly :/

Well Bonnie wouldn’t do that thankfully. The night that they fixed him up, Gregory explained everything about his experience at the Pizzaplex and how the others went berserk.

Him and Foxy also thoroughly explained why its very important that no one knows about Gregory. Not Chica, not Monty, not Roxy, not security, no one can know. So Bonnie would be very aware and know better then to mention Gregory in front of the others.

Although if he did? Pff, Foxy would probably smack him upside the head before everything went down XD

After the Afton virus was wiped from her system, the idea is that her faulty voice box was cleared and she will be able to sing again once the employees realize its functioning normally again. :}

They.. cant really do that for a lot of reasons.

The two main reasons though is 1; chances are they’d get caught by cameras/emplyees/security/etc. And 2; Foxy and Bonnie are outdated by years.

There’s barely any spare parts left for them. And the big repair machine is fitted to Glamrocks and their special endoskeletons. If anything that big machine might just end up damaging them instead of helping them.

So all Bonnie, Gregory and Foxy can really do is scour the basement and hope they find the parts to get Bonnie back up on his feet..

(Foxy’s existential crisis)

That’s hilarious but also very flattering, thank you! XD

Yeah, after Bonnie and Foxy really talk it out with the others.. they come to their senses and realize how foolish their tensions were.

In the end, they were all feeling the same pain, and they shut each other out to protect themselves. Now they’re on the road to tearing down their walls and supporting each other. Like they should have from the start.

(Post in question)

Well, realistically they shouldn't be able to. And normally I would pride myself in trying to make the characters realistic...

But uh... I mean.. tears bro... they’re. They’re so EXPRESSIVE, and fun to DRAW. Like, I cant draw characters bein upset and NOT have those bubbly tears leaking down their faces!

So I mean, the animatronics really shouldn’t be able to cry. I cant really see a reason why they’d be built with the ability to cry.. But I just LOVE drawing tears. For me, they’re really expressive and really convey the characters emotions a lot more clearly. 

Lets just pretend they can and there’s no logical explanation as to why.. <XD 

Considering how backwards and crazy the lore for FNAF is right now, I actually believe that Gregory being a robot is 100% possible and likely to be the case.

FNAF is nuts, you never know what they’ll do next now’a days XD

As for the other animatronics.. for one I don’t know how they’d find out. And two, they might think that he’s a part of some new attraction that hasn’t been announced yet. There would be no other logical explanation in their eyes.

Yeah, I felt that it was more kid friendly then what she was wearing before. Same with Chica, They’ve both got skirts now.

Well, Bonnie and Foxy weren’t considered little back in the old days. All the animatronics used to be about the same size back then. Its when the others got converted into Glamrocks that they became about 2 feet taller or something.

But also, Bonnie has something making him look even shorter than he’s supposed to look. The fact that he’s missing a foot. With Bonnie’s missing foot, he has to stand on his flats. Making him basically a foot shorter. (Pff, a foot shorter, haha)

The designs in this picture are outdated, but it’ll show what I mean 👇

See how his right foot is flat on the ground in the sketch VS in the other picture? Imagine how short he is now compared to the Glamrocks when he’s standing flat and bending his knees..

Now the reason why FOXY look’s so short is because although he was a bit shorter than the others to begin with.. he was ALSO standing on his flats to help Bonnie walk in the group shot.

Even after all this is said though, Bonnie and Foxy were designed to walk on their tip toes. And even if the were, they’d still be miles shorter than everyone else XD

Well Freddy isn’t shutting her out because of that night per se.. he knows they weren’t themselves.. He’s more of shutting the others out because he’s got a lot on his mind right now and he’s having a hard time processing it.

How is he going to protect Gregory? How is he going to feed Gregory? Bonnie and Foxy are alive. Bonnie is injured though, is he going to stay alive? Is there anything he can do to repair Bonnie? Will Vanessa find out about Bonnie and Foxy and have them scrapped? What happens if one of the other’s find Gregory? Will they call security? What if Gregory gets sick? What if Gregory gets hurt? What if people come to the Pizzaplex looking for Gregory??

There’s so much stress.. but I can see where you’re coming from with the Frozen reference XD

Chica: “Freddy? Do you wanna make a pizza~? :D“

Freddy, having a panic attack: “N-Not right now chica! I’m a bit tired today.. 😅”

Chica: “Okay byeee..(?) <:/ ”

XD He probably would. If the others were scooping him up like a baby going “aaWWWWAawawee you’re so SMOLLL” He’d be like “No” and then scramble and kick like a mad man to get out of their grasp XD

But you know, if like.. Monty came up to him and just kind’a picked him up without saying anything? Foxy might assume he’s upset and then wouldn’t struggle.

(Comic in question)

I’m glad you liked it! :D Also I do plan to make more for this AU. I have a lot of ideas brewing that I’m really excited to get around to.. I’m just uh.. taking a break for now I guess. These recent art thefts have kind’a killed my spirit for a bit. :/

(My recent FNAF comic)

Aww thank you! I’m so glad you like my Refinedtale AU! :}}

(Post in question)

[butchsophiewalten]

i’m going to finally make a post about my Jenny headcanon ideas because no one else in the world understands the way that i see her and im so miserable about it. putting it under a cut because long.

I’ve talked before about how i like the idea that she’s like. reasonably involved with Brighton’s queer community and that she has a pretty nice, stable group of friends consisting mostly of other queer people, and a lot of my other ideas come as kind of an extension of that. I like it as an explanation for her self- confidence, it being something she developed from just having like a strong and reliable social network of people she could trust completely. And I like at as an extension of her narrative function as Sophie’s Rock. Because Sophie's only just navigating what queer identity actually means for her, but Jenny's spent a lot of her life thinking about and coming to terms with her own identity.

BUT ok. to put it very bluntly, i think Jenny has a really shitty relationship with her family. I think she was kicked out for being lesbian when she was 18 (so its in ‘74 lol). and she spent a short while couch surfing before she got scooped up by group of queer people, and she’s kind of just spent the rest of her life in that environment and community. I like that it allows both Jenny and Sophie to have weird family issues, and i think it serves to justify the fact that Sophie had never talked with Jenny about her family stuff pre-BunnyFarm. Both of them hate talking about family shit, so it never came up. I also REALLY like the idea of Sophie like. getting super in her own head feeling like she’s the Only Person In The World who is Fucked Up and Traumatized as a result of like. the complete lack of understanding she got from the adults around her in the aftermath of her family’s disappearances. So as an adult now she’s super convinced that she's the only person who will ever understand what its like to be suffering this kind of profound hurt. and she's convinced herself that she cant ever let anybody know how fucked up she is and she has to always pretend to be the best possible version of herself.

And she’s especially fixated on this idea she has that Jenny specifically is Normal. that Jenny is an example of a Normal Person with Nothing Wrong With Them, because she can’t imagine the idea of someone who’s gone through something horrible and come out on the other side of it seeming just fine. So she doubles down on this idea that she has to maintain whatever perception Jenny has of her or else Jenny will realize she’s Weird and Traumatized and not worth the trouble. Because that sets up the opportunity for Sophie to find out that, no,  Jenny's experienced some pretty serious hardship, too. And the only reason she came out okay was because she let herself rely on other people when she was her most vulnerable. And that’s the first time Sophie really seriously considers the idea of letting someone in to help her through her problems. Even if she isn’t completely ready to do that yet.

And like! I’m trying really hard to make it clear that this isn’t just some lame angsty headcannon where i give Jenny kinda a shitty childhood for no good reason. I think this idea is genuinely narratively and thematically compelling and I think it conceptually strengthens the relationships these characters have with each other. And I do think it’s at least partially justified by Jenny’s actions? Thinking specifically about the old /sophiewalten page where Sophie brings up her dad having anger issues and the first thing Jenny thinks to ask was if that meant he was abusive. or like the old /jennyletterson page where Jenny’s first response to Sophie saying she hasn’t seen her family in years is just “oh damn” which is a hilariously lame and terrible response, and I like to joke that she said that because she assumed it was because Sophie is gay lol.

But just.aaugh i like this idea. i like it so much more than the idea that Jenny really IS just a Completely Normal Person who’s helping her Fucked Up and Traumatized girlfriend through her problems. Like that feels so strange and voyeuristic to me. I especially like the idea of Sophie being someone who was completely denied the opportunity to properly process her own trauma, while Jenny is someone who was able to kinda overcome and come to terms with her trauma with a lot of help and hard work. And Sophie is able to feel Humanized and Understood in seeing another person (a person she cares very deeply about) also struggle with familial trauma, and she suddenly feels hopeful for a future version of herself that never existed in her mind before who’s been able to meaningfully heal and continue with life and learn to start enjoying it. it is just a compelling idea to me!! I like to give jenny problems

[whistl-stahp]

ok i think this might actually be my favorite 8000 i read yet... (spoilers inbound)

like i'm a bit biased obvi given i love robots and ESPECIALLY aiad. and im also biased because alex's story has been NINE YEARS in the making and it's come out so so slowly. a lot of the articles that use her don't bring up her internal conflict with her feeling trapped. that omission isn't a bad thing, she acts as a good character to bring in when you need general computer stuff, but it just means i've been deficient of deep alex content and honestly thought for a while that her plot line was never gonna get resolved. but i just needed to learn to never lose hope!!

the nod to limited memory had me really happy. it's very clear the author did their aiad homework. i was surprised that none of the hello world bots were mentioned but i was not sure how they'd fit in, and looking at the comments the author felt the same way, so i cant complain

this article really captures alexandra's drive to help others and her reluctance to help herself, both of which are compounded by her being an ai. in original aiad it highlights how she's bound by duty in a really unique way that a human wouldn't be; she was programmed to follow the foundation, she was created by the foundation, it is hardwired into her identity to help the foundation. but despite it all she still wants to be free. and she isn't brave enough to run away, because that would be choosing to throw away her entire purpose. but she is still so determined to be the kindest person she can be with what she has. i love this articles blend of that, where her drive to help humanity is intertwined with her duty to the foundation. she sees her entire existence as helping humanity, like, thats what she was build to do, she cant just turn against the foundation!! but she has people there to tell her that it's ok to want to be free, and she can still be kind to people when she leaves her duty behind.

she will still be kind. her kindness has never been shaken and this article shows that even at the extreme she is still at her core kind and will always be so.

it also shows a side of her i wouldn't have thought of, where she feels like people don't really care about her. some of that probably stems from the foundation moving forward and creating new and more advanced ai, but the main reason here is a result of alex's memory module failing and how she literally can't function anymore. she thinks she's useless, unable to complete her mission, and should be left behind. but her unrelenting kindness to everyone comes back around and crom and lurk are there to help her <3 and they value her <3

but the ending is really interesting slash confusing to me.. it had a "and it was all a dream" feel but also kinda wasnt? and alex still isn tfree? shes still working for the foundation just with more self-confidence? unless the end was supposed to be her telling lurk goodbye and then leaving forever... but i didnt see that if so.

i guess the "more self confidence" isnt giving her much credit i mean the article literally says 'ya shes not fake shes straight up a person.' but i dont know where the ending led... im just confused. was this the resolution of her story or not? but OK I LIKED IT A LOT OK. the prose and css mixed together was something id never have expected on an aiad article, or an scp article at all! it was awesome! it creates such strong emotion its literally my favorite 8kcon entry!!!

also shoutout to it being totally mobile compatible. the screen jittered a bit but it was flawless outside of that which was surprising bc css heavy scps usually break on phones

IIUUGH AND RHE ENDING BEING A CALL BACK TO NULL TERMINATING STRING... ok im done now. [/end]

FICTIONAL AI.... I LOVE U SO MUUUCH...

[alliumnoblade]

ok here i am again with another meta analysis for rick and morty season 6 because of course my obsession phase isn’t over yet

apparently this season is a lot focused on the family smith. it was a big hypothesis when he only had the titles for the season to base our opinions on, but also when it started to air it was pretty clear ALL the smiths are the main focus on this season. the dynamics they have as a family, the nuances, the ups and downs, how they (dis)function - it appears to be explored very heavily this season. lately (a little bit in season 5 too) all five of them seem to be treated as a family, and not just a bunch of people that happen to live together.

which is nice, i really appreciate it, especially because they seem to mix that with sci-fi stuff and humor and honestly i couldn’t ask for anything else (i can’t be the only one laughing the shit off myself this season all the jokes are landing to me please)

my point is, i wonder if the reason why they decide to explore this theme so much is due to quarentine.

right now the smith family are stuck with each other. with the portal gun broken, rick and morty can only go so far in their own dimension, and since they can’t afford to screw things up, they really seems to be doing things tamer and less dangerous than before. in other words, they have nowhere to run and rick needs to deal with his family more often now.

this sounds A LOT like quarentine to me. you going a little bonkers, but also needing to deal with your peer’s crazyness as well. it’s the time you need to confront how disfunctional your family really is but how you love them so deeply you have no other option but to endure them. (i’m talking about non-abusive homes here, please). personally, i think i got a lot closer to my parents and brother after this hell, and it seems fitting the writers went through that as well.

considering season six was written during a more flexible but still real part of the lockdown, i find it a good hypothesis they decide to write the show analog to what was happening in the real world. the smith family can go to school, work, go out to ice cream, but at the end of the day there’s not a lot they can do but to be under the same house for long period of time -  they can’t travel, they can’t pretend their problems don’t exist, they can’t go out often. they need to confront each other.

with this new premiere for episode 4, night family, it got really clear to me how they are willing to just dive deep into the family dynamics, making it more smith-centric. it has been a common theme that rick is acting more like a grandpa rather than a crazy asshole scientist lately, how beth is actually willing to be a good mother now, how jerry is finally being assertive about his place in his home, how morty and summer seems to have a more love-hate bond than just a i-cant-stand-you bond. they are still all fuck ups in their respective areas, they are still horrible people, but they are their OWN horrible people

also the fact that the smith family CHOOSE each other rather than just accept they need to live together adds a new layer to things. no one is from that reality, in the first episode they had the choice to be in their origin dimension if they wanted to and they’ve had tons of opportunities to just walk away before. after a long, long jurney with the same people since half the season 1 (and this jerry from season 2), we can say that the smith family aren’t connected because rick is a control freak, but because they do love each other and this is their burden to carry. in the end, family is a burden you can’t throw away, but it’s your burden and i love that.

and the fact that they actively made the choice to keep each other close is so much nicer than whatever the abusive dynamic they had in later seasons. it’s a found family, they became a found family even if disfunctional as hell. i love that

[abominablecreeture]

Its been a while since i posted anything about that anticiv/ antidoctor/ medical reskilling zine project (or whatever it is, that's not just up to me), so i wanted to share some of the work i've done. heres hoping that this gives y'all a clearer picture of what this might be or is inspiring or something like that.

(also i kinda hate my working title, but cant currently articulate why and havent got a better one yet. but if you have an idea or wanna tell me why you think this one sucks, either of those things would totally feel helpful)

Fire Your Doctor (working title)

Introduction

There are so many reasons to hate going to the doctor. They demean you, distrust your sense of your physical experience, and will sooner blame your weight or your weed habit than admit they don’t know what’s wrong. The list could be practically endless.

But still, many people go, despite their reservations, because they have questions they need answered and they don’t know where else to look, and because the shiny, clean, academic institutions maintain their faith, even when individual doctors do not.

Even many people who find themselves disenchanted with society and its defenders still consider the medical institution an indispensable part of life, and think that access to it should be broadened. Sure cops are bad: they kill people. But we’re supposed to think of doctors as people who save lives.

In answer to those opinions, I propose this framework, though it isn’t mine: doctors are the only people who are allowed to provide certain lifesaving interventions. And the personal cost of access to doctor’s services is your ability to adequately maintain your place within the society that the doctor serves.

Doctors aren’t just a lot like cops – doctors are cops. If the function of police is to violently enforce the parameters of acceptable behavior, then it might be an understatement because doctors exercise this power in a much more complete and intimate way than police are afforded access to.

Histories of colonial medicine make this point extremely clear:

“In framing a Filipino social body, medical officers claimed authority over the most private of daily activities; personal and domestic life became constituents of the public performance of personal and domestic hygeine...The laboratory was emerging as an ideal discursive space, an exemplary colonial site – a symbol of control, purity, and precision that initially was far more significant than the routine practices of bacteriological investigation that went on within it. Colonial military tactics and protocols of population management remained fundamental in disciplining Filipinos, and the army camp still presented an appealing image, but the laboratory implied an even greater capacity for intervention and manipulation.” (Colonial Pathologies: American Tropical Medicine, Race, and Hygeine in the Phillipines, Warwick Anderson)

And further, they make it extremely clear that colonial populations were used to develop methods of control, but, once tried and tested, these methods were used on the colonizing government’s internal populations (referred to here as “the metropole”, in contrast to “the colony”)

“In a generally uncritical, unreflective way, these colonial technicians were prepared to find the modern in the colony, the colonial in the metropole. In this case, the traffic between the United States and the Phillipines...enables us to recognize that colonial technologies of rule could also be used to develop the ‘nation’...The Phillipines, Puerto Rico, and Hawaii were borderlands, where many ‘experts’ were experimenting with various national bodies, including their own.” (Ibid.)

Histories of medical enterprises in other nation’s colonies are similar. Now fully deployed, these tactics of control are so total that they can be almost invisible. For people born in hospitals, doctors will be the first to touch – and to assess – the individual’s physical form. They hold the power to declare the infant Normal, or to send them away to be brought into compliance – often by surgical intervention.

Youth is conducted according to the doctor’s orders. Infancy, toddlerhood, childhood, and adolescence are all highly medicalized, complete with schedules built so that parents can do the policing work, reporting back to the pediatrician, eager for further instruction.

The totality of medicine’s influence over our lives remains intact as we grow older. Not only has the advice of doctors shaped how we sleep, eat, clean our bodies and the spaces we inhabit, even how we fuck, but also, as Ivan Illich wrote in 1974,

“Medical bureaucrats subdivide people into those who may drive a car, those who may stay away from work, those who must be locked up, those who may become soldiers, those who may cross borders, cook, or practice prostitution, those who may not run for vice presidency of the united states, those who are dead, those who are competent to commit a crime and those who are liable to commit one.”

Accepting that this wasn’t a complete list at the time, it would need to be even longer if it was written now. Advances in digital technology create a massive system of surveillance possibilities, and the medical industry hasn’t missed the chance to join in. I bet the cops would love to see your fitbit data.

None of this is an accident or a mistake. There are many atrocities in the history of modern medicine. As discussed in the earlier example, the medical institution accumulates its knowledge by extracting it from the bodies of individuals on the periphery of empire so that that knowledge may benefit the empire and the individuals at its core. Medical knowledge is also used to maintain this periphery, historically helping to encode categories like race, gender and sex into the social reality.

Those who publicly defend the medical industry will admit to this historical record, now that the history of the Tuskegee Experiment is too public to deny and books such as Medical Apartheid by Harriet A. Washington have been published to some acclaim. They’ve crafted a recuperating narrative, where each instance of these patterns just represents the missteps of individuals clouded by prejudice. They’d like you to utterly dismiss just how fundamental these “missteps” were to the development of medical science.

They tell a story where the goal of the medical industry is to improve the health of the people who seek care from it, and, more generally, the health of as many people as possible. For this story to be consistent, any harm that comes to those people must be in error.

But there’s a different story – one which resonates deeply with many who find themselves harmed by medical practitioners, or by their disregard. In this story, the medical institution, like all institutions, is an outgrowth of the hulking mass of civilization that I, on the heels of Fredy Perlman and others, call Leviathan. Just as history doesn’t concern itself with the stories of individuals, but instead with the story of the body of this beast, medicine concerns itself with the health of this monstrous body. This beast “does have a body, a monstrous body...without any life of its own”; it is an undead body, and it is animated only by the people it traps inside (Against History Against Leviathan, Fredy Perlman). The health of this beast requires the sorting and categorization of the people it traps inside, according to the work they will be made to perform, and they must be kept docile, or otherwise disposed of as useless components. The health of those components is incidental to their performance in animating the beast.

Through our childhoods, the medical industry, in partnership with other leviathanic institutions like the school, the family and the church, evaluates us, sorts us, and informs us of our place within the beast. In adulthood, we’re put to work animating the horrid body, and the institutions of medicine function to keep us at our posts.

There are only two kinds of advice that most people seem to feel capable of giving each other about our bodies: “don’t worry about it” and “talk to your doctor”. This inability to engage with our physical beings, to live in our own bodies, or care for the bodies of our loved ones is also a part of this story. Why would we submit to this kind of capture willingly, if we had any other good option? Colonial processes, and other moments of people’s capture by empire, show a consistent pattern of bitter disdain for traditional medical practices and violence towards its practitioners.

In this story, the medical industry betrays us because that’s their job. But this zine isn’t about this story so much as it’s about what we can do once we realize we’re trapped inside it. What can we do with our aches and illnesses once we realize that doctors refuse to? Or don’t know how? Or refuse to even acknowledge them?

Doctors as we experience them are a modern invention, but hearkening to a history when wellbeing was considered individually will not bring back knowledge or forms of relating to ourselves that were violently discouraged or destroyed.

Systems of understanding are killed by silence. The ideas in books (this one, too!) are also dead. What we do in defiance of our systems of capture is alive. Hopefully this zine can help people as we learn to care for ourselves and each other. And not so we can hope to do it after “the revolution” or “after collapse” or in any other imagined future. So we can do it now.

Some of this understanding is old and we seek to continue its passage. Other contributions represent understandings developed by the author, based on their own experiences and struggles. Some may be theoretical and highly researched, while others will share personal experiences.

Old knowledge can be incomplete, or contradictory. So can new knowledge. We will not attempt to minimize this complexity; different authors may contradict each other. Its our task as individuals to decide how to navigate it and to perform our own observations to make it more complete. The project of this zine is simply to pass along what others have found helpful. We hope you can find some use here as well.

[falloutjay]

Stan x anxious/compassionate reader (kind of has a little canon divergence)

After giving up on Wendy (around Season 12), Stan and us start dating, we were always worried about him (no we weren't dating him out of pity, we were just a very anxious person). Some people find of clingy, others find us adorable but We've never left his side:

Ex: We were by his side helping with whales (Whale W)

We were the only one who didn't leave him when he got depression (You're Getting Old/Ass Burgers)

Next to Heidi, we became social pariah because we didn't want to dump Stan (this even made Wendy guilty)

But him moving, really gets to us, the coronavirus makes it worse. We get worried about him, then we start getting worried about everyone else as everything falls apart (Kyle, Kenny, Eric, Butters, Tweek, Craig, Scott, etc.) And we pass out of stress. About waking up in the hospital, we find out, everyone was worried about us. And Stan is the most worried of all, he spends the whole day with us. We tal-no vent about all the happened to the both of us. By the end of it, we agree that whatever happens we'll do it together.

Guess whos back! :D

Well, while it's not my best work, in my humble opinion, I sure hope you enjoy and like it. Again sorry for the delay! ಥ_ಥ

And if it's not that clear, because I know I can write a little cryptic, there is a time skip. You can either have all the show events happen when they are children and have the time skip between Covid and the memories or between you getting together as kids and the memories. Choose however you like! ^^

_________________________________________

Stan x anxious!compassionate!Reader

Tiny eyes watched the scene unfold.

Normally, Wendy was the one to break up with Stan, but not this time around. Stan was actually telling Wendy that he had no interest in her anymore.

“What changed Stan?” Wendy asked, obviously confused.

“I think I like someone else… I don’t know yet…”

Wendy gave him a smile.

“I wish you all the luck Stan, say if you need anything!”

“I will.” And with that, Wendy took off to be with her friends, while Stan turned a corner and told Kyle and Kenny how it went.

Cartman was there too, but he only wanted to know if she cried, because “she would deserve it.”.

You closed your locker and felt your heartbeat like crazy. Ever since you changed school a few months ago, Stan captured your little ten-year-old mind.

He was kind and showed you around when you had no idea where to go. It was a little crush you developed, and you never felt as scared and excited as now, since that Stan had broken off with Wendy.

This newfound feeling almost made you dizzy but you quickly snapped back into reality when you heard your name.

“Y/N?” Stan asked and waited patiently for his answer next to you.

“Oh, sorry, I was thinking, what did you want?”

“Would you maybe like to hang out some time?”

Stan almost got a heart attack when you suddenly squealed but was happy when you managed to get a high-pitched “YES!” out.

“Okay, what are you betting Kenny? Some Pennies or a dead rat?” Cartman almost fell from his chair laughing about his shitty joke, while Kyle and Kenny rolled their eyes.

“Don’t you think it’s weird how clingy they are?” Kyle asked his blonde friend, while they kept watching you and Stan, who were seated at a separate table at lunch.

“Honestly, I think it’s pretty cute.” Kenny said with his muffled voice.

You held his arm and hugged him from the side, while he happy kept on eating his lunch.

Eric, who had now calmed down from his laugh attack eyed the couple critically. “I’m giving them a month max.”

He said lazily and looked around. “I say longer than a year.” Kenny said, throwing a crinkled five-dollar note on the table.

“You two are horrible.” Kyle shook his head before he threw 10 dollars on the table.

“Four months.”

Kenny was a happy man after a year, because despite everyone believing you two would eventually break up, you never did.

You were always by his side, no matter what.

His desire to desperately save whales with the help of a braindead ship crew?

You were always right by his in the interviews he gave.

His horrible depression that even drove Kyle away? No chance, you stood strong and helped him through the whole thing and even help reuniting the gang.

Even during the protest against Skanthunt42, you chose to sit this one out, despite you absolutely hating that the troll photoshopped a dick into your mother’s mouth.

At least you and Heidi got close due to you guys both becoming social outcasts. When Wendy heard this, she was impressed by your dedication and felt somewhat guilty for obviously not trying as much in her former relationship.

Everyone admired your patience and endurance. No matter what obstacle came, you managed to get through it.

“You don’t need to be sad, Y/N. I won't be that far away.” Stan said, holding your hand.

“B-But it's outside of town. You need ages by bike to get there and vice versa.” You said, holding back tears.

Randy walked past you and you desperately pleaded to him.

“Please Mister Marsh, please stay in town!” Randy put the box he carried into the car, before turning to you.

“Real sorry, dear Y/N. This town is…How do I put it… Absolute shit and I really want to get away.”

He patted you on the head and went back into the house to get more boxes.

“Told you, you cant talk to him.” Stan said and shrugged.

“But it’s unfair. We won’t see each other as much anymore.” Stan pressed a kiss onto your cheek, which made you blush intensely.

“Don’t. Worry. I will make time for you.”

With that in mind, you didn’t feel as sad, when the car with the Marsh Family in it left for their new home.

“I will make time for you, my ass.” You mumbled while you sat at a bench near Starks Pond. Letting out a deep sigh, you leaned back and just enjoyed the warmth of the setting sun.

Covid was one hell of a bitch and just had to have this big impact on everyone’s life. Stan and you now saw each other less and less.

It was just a horrible feeling that tainted your heart and made you worry a lot.

Maybe he was feeling just as bad as you are, maybe even more?

Maybe he just didn’t want to tell you how he felt?

Were you maybe a bad partner? Your mind began racing and your train of thoughts became unrailed.

So many bad thoughts manifested themselves and it made you almost gasp for air.

“I need to check on him.” You mumbled getting up from the park bench.

You began walking and you kind of hoped that maybe just the walking would get your mind in check, but sadly it didn’t. Involuntarily you had to think about all the other stuff that happened during this horrible time.

The precious Broship was more fragile than ever. You had become such good friends with Kenny, Kyle and Cartman over time that it hurt you a lot too.

You also saw Covid take a toll on your other friends, like Craig and his group, who now took Cartman into their gang after the split up.

However, that came to be…

The girls were also pretty divided, so hanging out with them meant picking sides which wasn’t your thing, you kinda just want them to get along again.

Everything felt like it was falling apart. Your parents had fights ever so often, all your friends had problems and your beloved boyfriend was stuck on that stupid farm.

God how you hated that stupid farm and Randy.

When he gave you one of those plushies that looked like him, you functioned it into a voodoo doll. But sadly, it didn’t seem to affect him, no matter how many needles you rammed into it.

Your heart felt heavy, and it seemed hard to breathe, but you brushed it aside.

You had already reached the busy streets of South Park and mingled between the newly vaccinated people.

Everywhere you looked, the people seemed happy.

Everyone was happy except you and the people around you… Maybe…You were the problem?

You shook your head. No, you didn’t allow those kinds of thoughts.

You much rather think about Stan. How you miss him and how amazing your dates were.

Oh, how much effort he put into all the small things… Well… At least he did.

Now that you thought about it when was your last date?

It feels like it had been ages. It has been ages. Everything had been ages. Going out with him, hanging out with your friends, your family not fighting… How long has this been the new normal? You can’t help but wonder.

Your heart clenched again. “Stop it, stupid heart.” You mumbled under your breath.

An exhausted sigh escaped your lips when you thought about how you maybe had to walk all the way up to the farm… It would take ages, but you really craved being held by the person you adored so much.

So, you continued walking down through the street when an elder lady stopped you.

“Excuse me, but you look rather sickly, are you alright?” Confused you raised an eyebrow. Did the vaccines make them delusional?

“No, I’m fine.” You answered, somewhat snippy, even when you didn’t know why you were so agitated.

“But you look rather pale, maybe you- I am fine.” You interrupted her and continued your path.

Were all people in this shitty town stupid or- The thought could not be completed, due to you suddenly losing consciousness.

When you woke up again, you immediately recognized one of the Hells Pass Hospital rooms, once your eyes had adjusted to the bright lights. Around the bed were your parents and more importantly Stan and his mother.

“Thank God, you’re awake again!” Your mother said when she went for a hug.

Confused you asked why you were here.

“Well, seemingly you were so stressed out, that your body basically shut down.”

Somewhat shocked you looked around. Was it really a surprise to hear that? Not really, but it still felt odd knowing that it happened.

“Well, I’m glad you’re fine, Y/N.” Misses Marsh commented and smiled warmly at you. She had always liked you and you felt the same. She was always nice to you and you felt like she was the only one with a brain in the family…

Feeling a sudden sensation of warmness on your hand, your eyes darted down to it. Stan held you hand while answering something your dad had asked him.

“Well, Sharon, you wanna accompany us to get some hot chocolate for us all?”

Your mother said with an odd wink, which made you and Stan roll your eyes.

The three adults left the room chatting happily. Stan looked at you with a stern expression, which kind of surprised you.

“I swear, whenever I think I couldn’t get more worried about you, your parents call me, to tell me that you’re in the hospital.”

“Worried? About me? I should be worried about you?” You laughed to which Stan shook his head.

“Listen, everyone has been super worried about you since you seemed so down and just exhausted. Like, Kyle already called me earlier to ask if you’re awake again. I don’t know why you worry about me; I am really fine babe. Promise.”

With that said, the door opened, and your parents came back inside.

“Y/N, the doctor said they would like you to stay the night, so they can check that you’re really alright.” Your father informed you and you were immediately annoyed.

Well, you had no choice but to oblige. Your parents left after an hour, wanting to get you some clothes and other things you’d need.

Sharon also bids her goodbye and so you and Stan were left.

And just like you wished, you got to cuddle with him. He held you close, and you vented to him, how worried you were about everything and everyone, while he told you just how worried all of your friends had been since you were acting so out of character.

“Even Cartman?”

“Yup, even when he would never admit it.” Stan laughed. He held your hand tight, and his content smile never left his face.

“I think we should talk more about feelings and being worried and all that. I know I’m not all that good at it, but I don’t ever wanna have to visit you in a hospital again.” Stan said, giving your hand a squeeze.

“That sounds good. But you gotta accept, I worry a lot, because I care a lot about you, okay?” You said sternly and Stan nodded. You two looked fondly at each other and just enjoyed the time you got.

“Together forever?” You asked and he whispered “Forever.”, before he pressed a sweet kiss onto your lips.

[szif]

or the fact that it's like, 5 am. i've just been thinking in the past few hours. like,, about everything, i guess. and i got a lot of thoughts out. and they surely cleared my head. why cant i say what i want right now. i've always had fun and lived life way differently than others and obviously i always knew that was the case since everybody has been aware of my differentness to their ways. oh do i sound cryptic here. and i have been accommodating myself to get into the things people seem to like and do a lot. and try to find those things fun and somehow connect. and then it just made me find different things fun and find different parts of certain things fun that people never do. and get hobbies nobody seems to do. well. "hobbies". and this year, ever since the beginning, i have been doing a lot of things. connecting with other people. trying out new things. just living life in a way where i invest myself into a lot of things and people, and these things have been extremely fun and i learned a lot of new things and it made me feel better, it has been.... fun. but the more i do anything, the more i realize that there will always be a certain type of. barrier. between me and everything else. because of everything. can't seem to describe what "everything" means here. i just seem out of the ordinary, and not even in a special way, it's more like, the wired incorrect type of way. while i'm doing everything good, and other people also seem to see me try to do things, and do things good, i always seem to return to the same things. the same things i am . and this is something just, not changeable. something assigned by the brain, by the flesh, by the soul. it's like a machine and the cogs in it are placed in perfect order at the perfect places, and while this is a perfectly working machine, it's a machine with different mechanisms and a different purpose and existence than the perceived ordinary. it surely is made out of the same cogs and wires as any other parts, yet it has a different function. yet you would think of this machine, and the handlers of these machines would also think the same, that this particular machine fulfills the same role as the other ones. yet it does not. and there's something about this, about these machines performing, where they do a variety of things, a lot of functions, yet the way they function at the base has to be the exact same, as there is a general rule on how every machine works. so it gets used the same way as the other ones, and some don't use it, as it doesn't do the tasks of the other machines the exact way.

i dont know whether its just that its winter thats messing with me and making me feel all these things or if i am genuinely having thoughts like i do because it's something i am about

[help-i-need-a-cool-username]

Tell me more about this fake relationship au I’m interested 👀

I AM GLAD YOU ASKED

So its not all that thought out right now, because I thought it up last night. I'll make a whole post on it when I'm done because it has become clear to me that this is about to become one of my AUs (aka way to thought out and researched). So you're about to get what my brain decided to spit ball at me last night. It was basically 3 dif scenarios. One was time travel of all things 🤷‍♀️

So the root of all these is that Jacques did something (again) that upset a lot of people, and people are huddled up in a group (in the training room? break room?) talking about it. Someone mentions how it doesnt matter what anyone does, it doesnt really effect the guy personally. Marrow says something along the lines of "I wish we could hurt him personally, just once, just to finally get a hit in" (is he allowed to say that on the job? idk but its fanfic so). And either Weiss or Winter suggests the fake dating/marriage idea. I like to think Winter has a lot of personality inside her, she just only expresses anger/irritation outwardly, which Marrow will discover through this journey 😏. So does she like the idea of facing her dad when he's mad? Its canon that she doesnt but Weiss seems to enjoy making him mad when she's not there to get yelled at so I'm transferring that to Winter and dialing it up a bit. So basically Marrow wants to take a potshot at either Jacques or just Atlas elite society in general and Winter is always down for pissing off her dad.

Now heres where things get shifty. Right now Im only coming up with Married For Years dynamic or Oh Shit This Is Serious level of situation which doesnt quite work with the prank vibes this began as. Like Winter and Marrow being forced to have dinner with her parents and stuff after they "eloped", which is just angst, and i was going for Winter and Marrow playing into whatever crazy thing the tabloids are saying. And like by doing this (real or fake) they could be breaking a lot of fraternization rules, turning a fake scandal into a real one. Granted the media, and therefore everyone Jacques has to talk to at functions, cares more about a Schnee dating a faunus. Winter and Ironwood are pretty tight so I dont think either would loose their job. They might try to get Ironwood to officiate their wedding, in a version where they go all in, and he has to say no because if he does that he will officially burn every bridge he has with Jacques and the military kinda needs his dust.

so basically i gotta decide if its gonna be funny, and in turn how much i can stretch their personalities before they get OOC, or it would be serious, with Winter and Marrow trying to keep this up when they dont actually know much about each other and the Ace Ops making unhelpful commentary (*cough* referring to Winter by names Marrow now knows Winter hates, like "cold-hearted" *cough*). I dont see it as "we were drunk and in Vegas and thought it was a funny idea" type thing but also that would be HILARIOUS and i just cant take it off the table yet. Im also having trouble coming up with why Marrow would agree to this, because someone would def try to talk him out of it and a lot is on the line for a prank

as for the time travel one (it was actually this first one that popped into my head and i dont even like that trope, and now its kinda my fav option for this) it was Winter (and Marrow?) ending up back in time during V7 or before era, and present!Marrow seeing a whole nother side of her when she slips and acts like this version of him is her husband, and the Ace Ops actually seeing her express emotion since future!Marrow has managed to pull some personality into her external expressions. And the whole reason they are happily married never wouldve happened if they hadnt gotten married to piss off Jacques. Also Ice Queen Schnee glaring at everyone but being soft around her fun guy husband. Like she's staring daggers at Harriet while Marrow hands her a ice pack and sits next to her on the couch before putting his arm around her and she leans in. Maybe the fight with Cinder left her with lasting injuries (it prob did. I mean she was in a exoskeleton just to walk in V8) and in the following year Marrow got hurt too, so Ruby is over in the corner calling them "old" when they start complaining about how the Atlas cold is making their bodies hurt and "this is why we moved to [insert warm location here]"