#i cant function with other people is it clear yet

[absolutelyzoned]

one awesome fact about me is that if i dont agree with a rule i simply dont follow it. i am so stubborn and my family hates me for it ❤️❤️

[nahalism]

The past two years ive had my concrete bubble pinched and it’s like I see things clear since then. Ive had extreme highs. Never been so close to myself and the world. Yet also the most extreme lows. Current situation. It’s hard for me to understand whether what i feel is my soul or ego. This makes it hard to take action. Do you have an opinion or advice? is there a way you can separate your ego thinking from your soul needs? Your answers always relate to my thinking, that’s why I ask you. Thank you for that.

hey, sorry it took me a while to answer this because i wanted to make sure i gave it a response it deserved. forgive me if i talk in circles, but ill explain best as i can. short answer is, as much as the lows seem brutal, they are markers of correction, and often bring greater profit to you longterm than the extreme highs. there is no way to escape pain and discomfort, it is aways there, there are just ways to manage it. some better than others. whilst the extreme highs are beautiful, it is often stated that ignorance is bliss. pain teaches, bliss is what it feels like when youve caught up on your current lesson and are unaware you have another to learn.

to break it down a little further, perhaps the answer lies somewhere in the differentiation your making between your ego and your soul. we all have various parts of ourselves (our inner child, our protector, our ego, our public face, our 'core being'/ soul etc etc, but all of those parts regardless of how distinct they all feel, are still us. there is no way to get away from having an ego, its how you govern yourself, (thoughts, and actions), that determines the nature of that ego. so perhaps the highs and the lows are coming from the process of you defining what a unified/integrated version of you looks and functions like, rather than from a battle of which side of you is right/wrong/should win? only integration of the parts into one whole bring peace. not an end to suffering, but peace through the suffering.

side note, striving for purity can be just as (if not more) misguiding than having allowance and acceptance for what is, and surrendering to the path you are on. if you can find faith in yourself & the world, & trust that for all your misdeeds and 'carnal wants', your heart, mind, and soul, are striving for what is righteous, the highs and lows start to have less to do with you (or being a reflection of how well your doing), and more to do with what your being taught and your level or acceptance/resistance to it. the ebb and flow between periods of disillusionment, periods of making mistakes or falling short, and then periods of recognising your mistakes and the ways you missed your mark, and as such can do better, are examples of how, the dark feeds the light and the light the dark. if the dark is ignorance, and light is knowledge, then the dark is not inherently bad, its just untapped territory that you are navigating, and in navigating it, fostering your evolution. once you are 'evolved' and have shed light on what was once dark, you (being the light) begin to cast shadows that illumine another untapped part of the path. then the cycle plays out again.

you cant cheat the path. unfortunately the pain and suffering is inevitable. we all suffer for the things we choose to believe in. but its the way we suffer or respond to the path/cycle we are on, that determines the version of ourselves that will go on to experience that next part of the cycle. each time we go around, we gain new tools to apply (knowledge wisdom and understanding). the tools are heavy and hard to wield, but with practice comes mastery. the more you keep going, the more resilience you build. it doesnt get easier, but practice makes it bearable. the important thing is that you aren't suffering in vain. some people choose to believe in love, some choose virtue, some choose pleasure, others choose hedonistic pleasure, some choose peace, and others self interest. what matters is suffering for the right cause, and the only right cause is the thing that feels worth it to you in your heart of hearts. in my experience ive found the answer lies somewhere in-between the version of yourself you want to be, and understanding what that version of you has to offer to others. when you go forward on that path, do it not from a desire to escape pain, but because its what you believe in. belief in what you do is the the only thing that makes it worth it

its long answer i know but i hope it answered your question. its also just my opinion/experience. if you read this and feel differently to what ive said, then that may also provide the clarity you need. ultimately you have all the answers inside of you! <3 sending u love and luck

[roughentumble]

.

also like im sorry. but the first time i heard the term "landback" and didnt know exactly what it entailed, i googled it, and the first thing i found said that its a term that no one really agrees how it should be enacted, or what it encompasses, or what it could entail precisely.

so yes. if you want to have an effective discussion about land back, you have to specifically talk about the version of it that you have in mind when you're advocating for it. because no one can agree on exactly what it looks like. and its different for every tribe and every area and even then there's still discussion within the tribe. which is fine! but it means there's no clear conversation to be had if youre not specific and you dont explain.

and im for land back!!! in all situations!! all of those different variables, im for all of them!!! but you literally cant be mad when someone says "ive never heard of that before, what would it mean for my daily life". would the laws change? the taxes? we dont trust cops around here, but what would it mean for fire fighter response? what about local government? who would i call for zoning issues, or is that not relevant to me once i've taken part in land back?

these arent malicious questions. these are normal questions to ask about how a massive shift would work. i dont care if youve gone over it with people in the community, people OUTSIDE the community havent heard the discussions. go over it with them so they understand what would happen. I THINK IT SHOULD HAPPEN. IT'S STILL GOOD TO DISCUSS LOGISTICS

god, the same shit happens with complete prison abolition, where people get so annoyed when you ask "what would society look like without prisons and how would we deal with crime and genuine harm done to others?"

they jump to saying "it isnt dealt with now! there's only 1% of rapists in prison, there's only [x]% of abusers, the recidivism rates, the way prison is a den of abuse for the people in it" and like yes i agree with those points. but also no matter what you say, people will hear 1% and go "but 1% is a better chance of being saved if im on the receiving end of extreme violence, than 0% in a system that does nothing". they!!! are always going to go with the devil they know!!! if the alternative is completely in the dark!!!!

"what is the alternative to prisons" is always, in my experience seeing these conversations leak out into public internet discourse, to say "well, there's just so many options, and we're still discussing in the community--" stop. stop. that will never ever ever work. that will never convince anyone.

1) you never stop doing [x social thing] without any solid clearly defined agreed upon plan for the alternative. you just dont. 2) that doesnt encourage anyone to look for more information, it makes it sound like there is no solid alternatives period, 3) just!! say!!! what you think!!!! just say "well there arent any solid plans yet, but i personally like [x method] and [y method]", because that gives people a foothold. that gives them the context to start understanding the argument, the alternative that is being presented, it gives them a broad image of what to picture for a prisonless society and how it might function. that is an archetype WE DONT CURRENTLY HAVE, so you have to paint them a picture so they can start to imagine. so that they have some place to start looking. some concept they can start to research on and expand from there.

most people dont know what a prison-less society or land back looks like. im sorry its annoying to explain it a lot. but they dont know. if you want to do outreach, paint a picture. tell them what it means. get into logistics.

the moment you step outside your community to talk to people outside it, you are doing outreach. so look into how to do it well, how to get people on your side, and how to introduce concepts to people who have never heard of it before.

[somepancakeonline5377]

Anyway autism, yeah it can suck BALLS having it man. Here’s a weird rant about random shit related to autism that makes me pissed

Honestly I’m scared to get a autism diagnosis due to the fact that you will never be seen as a responsible, respectful individual no matter how capable you are simply due to the fact your brain function differently then most. A lot of people heavily misunderstand it and a lot of people think it’s a myth or just bullshit like that. Your mere existence can be considered “wrong” “something that needs to be cured”

Also the fucking term Asperger’s Syndrome makes my blood boil. For those who don’t know it’s no longer a proper term for two main reasons. Due to the fact it’s not really needed at all as a person with Asperger’s is just another person with ASD, they call it Autism SPECTRUM disorder for a reason. The other more AWFUL reason is the fact is the person who it was named after was a FUCKING NAZI. LOOK UP HANS ASPERGER IT IS CLEAR AS FUCKING DAY IT SAYS HE WAS A NAZI I AM BEING SO DEADASS.

And the school system really sucks ass to, as a freshmen it’s just so frustrating and school as been frustrating ever sense THIRD DAMN GRADE. ITS SHIT. Nearly every teachers way of teaching just doesn’t bounce of me at ALL, AT A FUCKING ALL. But asking for help is so embarrassing that I rather wait until someone points out my shitty grades then actually ask for help. I mean yeah I am NOT helping myself but I genuinely cannot understand any of the shit going. I am stuck in a damn rut here!! Yet no teacher has like EVER confronted me for my grades either!! LIKE THATS YOUR JOB FUCKING DO IT

Having a special interest and hyper fixation also sucks major dick too. Genuinely like I can’t think straight for like WEEKS AND WEEKS on end only thinking about this thing I love, I can’t shower, eat or sleep at times too!! Hell sometimes, especially with my spinterest, I can’t even STOMACH IT. ITS SO UNBEARABLE. IT MAKES ME SO EXCITED I CANT EVEN PROPERLY INDULGE IN IT.

Doing research on autism as an autistic person is the most anger inducing thing on earth.

[stealingyourbones]

Danny Phantom meets Superman. More accurately I should say that Danny Fenton meets Clark Kent.

Let me make this clear cause people seem to forget this: superman is smart. Clark kent is a very intelligent guy. Hes an INVESTIGATIVE journalist. He works with Lois Lane whos a multiple Pultizer prize winner and you know damn well that Lois wouldn’t work with anyone that cant keep up with her in both wits and smarts. He’s good at his job and in some comics he gets Pulitzer Prizes from some of his articles as well. Dude is dumb but he’s smart if you get what I’m saying. High Int. Low Wis.

With that in mind, During an assignment by Perry White, Lois and Clark meet the Fentons in their Amnesty residence to get some quotes on an article that discusses “Everything we thought didn’t exist is now real. Superheroes, Aliens, even Vampires, so why do we not Believe in Ghosts?”

Clark Kent spots Danny and notices instantly that MANY things are wrong with this child. His shoulders are hunched in a way that is intentional and tensed. Like he doesn’t know if he should fight or flee. His eyes are darting around and constantly taking in their surroundings like he’s waiting for something to barge in. His heart is beating far slower than it should. The kid intentionally makes his chest rise and fall but he’s not breathing in any oxygen. All of those are concerning but they can happen in metas. The thing that isn’t normal is that Clark can’t hear any of Danny’s other organs working. Like the kid is a revitalized corpse and his body only thought to bring back half of its needed functions.

So Clark does some digging. He doesn’t want to tell any of the Justice League because this isn’t a Superman job, this is a job for Clark Kent. He gets some help from Oracle and with her word that she won’t say anything to batman, He agrees to update her regularly about the kids situation.

Oracle sends over some VERY concerning documents from an organization called “The Ghost Investigation Ward”. Oracle tells Clark that she’s working on tipping off the Bats and Birds so they can help dismantle the organization.

While sifting through the documents Clark comes across a profile of a “Danny Phantom”. As I said, Clark isn’t stupid. There is definitely a profile of Danny Fenton as well since he’s the son of two world renown ghost hunters. He puts the two and two together and uncovers just the horrible treatment that Phantom has been receiving from his parents, the government, and his peers. Clark is outraged and can’t just stand aside and let this kid suffer. So he makes another trip to the Fenton residence under the guise of needing another quote and sits Danny and Jazz down and tells him that he knows of the terrible lab safety, the immoral experiments his parents do on the regular, the neglect of the kids in pursuit of scientific discovery. He knows and he wants to help. Clark tells Danny and Jazz that there is an apartment available right nextdoor from his and that he can help them get to a safer location and apply for emancipation.

The Fenton kids are shocked at this guy and his immensely kind heart. Danny knows something is up though. Something is up with Clark Kent. He looks like all his life would be spent in the gym when he isn’t at work and yet Danny can’t find a thing on Clarks interest in working out. His baggy clothes somewhat cover up his muscles but his frame is far too wide to be hidden. Clarks heartbeat is slightly faster than the average persons. No human eyes could be that startlingly sky blue. And Danny knows that he has seen Clarks face somewhere but he cant put a pin on it.

The Fenton kids agree and they get brought to metropolis and the emancipation case is no problem with the evidence Clark managed to collect. The kids get the apartment next to Clarks and Clark helps them grow and get better mentally and situationally. Clark knows that in a way he’s trying to make up for his neglect on Connor but he still knows that helping these kids is the right decision.

After a month or so, Clark and the Fenton kids have a rhythm of meeting at each others apartments, getting doted over to make sure that the fentons are well fed and have everything they need and are getting settled into their new life.

Clark hasn’t told the league. Oracle keeps her promise to keep the Fentons out of Batman and the Justice League’s radar. Clark knows that he will have to tell them soon eventually. He knows that things like this wont last. He tries his best to keep these kids happy and support them how an actual caring parent should act.

A few months into the Fentons stay in Metropolis on a cool autumn afternoon, Danny is sitting on a beanbag chair reading a ratty old book that Clark lent him as Clark is typing away on his computer writing up an article for the Daily Planet when Danny looks over to Clark and says,

“I’m Phantom.”

Clark pauses typing and shoots a small smile towards danny, “I know.”

Danny nods in relieved acceptance as Clark straightens up from his hunced over position on his computer.

He pulls back his shirt collar slightly to show the blue suit and red cape. “I’m Superman.”

Danny looks at him and smiles, “I know.”

They both just sit and continue reading and writing with soft smiles on their faces. Comforted at the exchange and that it’s finally out there and eachother knew.

After a while Danny’s obsession gets to be too much. He tells Clark about it and that he has to find a way to sate his obsession of protecting and Clark accepts that it was only a matter of time and invites him to meet the League.

When Superman brings Danny to the Watchtower, saying that the rest of his fellow superheroes were shocked would be an understatement. The Man of Steel and this ghost kid are talking like a father and son.

To say that Batman was pissed that he wasn’t informed of this child is also an understatement. But there is also some amusement and respect under that frustration. Superman managed to keep this kid under wraps and didn’t even alert Batman. Superman smirking and saying under his breath to him “Looks like the World's Greatest Detective isn’t so great huh?” Makes Batman respect the man even more.

In the Watchtower, Danny meets up with Teen Titans/The Team/Whatever They’re Called Now, and meets Conner. Conner is understandably pissed and spiteful that Danny got to have Superman as a father figure.

Conner knows that Superman treating Danny this way is definitely a way of him trying to make up for the faults and breaks he had with his parental relationship with Conner. he agrees with himself that he shouldn’t hate Danny for having Superman as a Dad and the two get along like tinder and matches. Connor still has a grudge against Superman don’t get me wrong, just not as much as before.

Sometimes while the League is in battle, Superman likes to just look for Danny and watch him hold his own against world ending threats. Danny is now truly confident and it’s no longer a facade. He’s no longer hunching into himself to look smaller. He laughs more often now and seems to be genuinely happy. Superman fondly looks at his son as his kids eyes flicker with green fire as he says a shitty ice pun and freezes Metallo in his tracks with ghostly ice.

[butchsophiewalten]

i’m going to finally make a post about my Jenny headcanon ideas because no one else in the world understands the way that i see her and im so miserable about it. putting it under a cut because long.

I’ve talked before about how i like the idea that she’s like. reasonably involved with Brighton’s queer community and that she has a pretty nice, stable group of friends consisting mostly of other queer people, and a lot of my other ideas come as kind of an extension of that. I like it as an explanation for her self- confidence, it being something she developed from just having like a strong and reliable social network of people she could trust completely. And I like at as an extension of her narrative function as Sophie’s Rock. Because Sophie's only just navigating what queer identity actually means for her, but Jenny's spent a lot of her life thinking about and coming to terms with her own identity.

BUT ok. to put it very bluntly, i think Jenny has a really shitty relationship with her family. I think she was kicked out for being lesbian when she was 18 (so its in ‘74 lol). and she spent a short while couch surfing before she got scooped up by group of queer people, and she’s kind of just spent the rest of her life in that environment and community. I like that it allows both Jenny and Sophie to have weird family issues, and i think it serves to justify the fact that Sophie had never talked with Jenny about her family stuff pre-BunnyFarm. Both of them hate talking about family shit, so it never came up. I also REALLY like the idea of Sophie like. getting super in her own head feeling like she’s the Only Person In The World who is Fucked Up and Traumatized as a result of like. the complete lack of understanding she got from the adults around her in the aftermath of her family’s disappearances. So as an adult now she’s super convinced that she's the only person who will ever understand what its like to be suffering this kind of profound hurt. and she's convinced herself that she cant ever let anybody know how fucked up she is and she has to always pretend to be the best possible version of herself.

And she’s especially fixated on this idea she has that Jenny specifically is Normal. that Jenny is an example of a Normal Person with Nothing Wrong With Them, because she can’t imagine the idea of someone who’s gone through something horrible and come out on the other side of it seeming just fine. So she doubles down on this idea that she has to maintain whatever perception Jenny has of her or else Jenny will realize she’s Weird and Traumatized and not worth the trouble. Because that sets up the opportunity for Sophie to find out that, no,  Jenny's experienced some pretty serious hardship, too. And the only reason she came out okay was because she let herself rely on other people when she was her most vulnerable. And that’s the first time Sophie really seriously considers the idea of letting someone in to help her through her problems. Even if she isn’t completely ready to do that yet.

And like! I’m trying really hard to make it clear that this isn’t just some lame angsty headcannon where i give Jenny kinda a shitty childhood for no good reason. I think this idea is genuinely narratively and thematically compelling and I think it conceptually strengthens the relationships these characters have with each other. And I do think it’s at least partially justified by Jenny’s actions? Thinking specifically about the old /sophiewalten page where Sophie brings up her dad having anger issues and the first thing Jenny thinks to ask was if that meant he was abusive. or like the old /jennyletterson page where Jenny’s first response to Sophie saying she hasn’t seen her family in years is just “oh damn” which is a hilariously lame and terrible response, and I like to joke that she said that because she assumed it was because Sophie is gay lol.

But just.aaugh i like this idea. i like it so much more than the idea that Jenny really IS just a Completely Normal Person who’s helping her Fucked Up and Traumatized girlfriend through her problems. Like that feels so strange and voyeuristic to me. I especially like the idea of Sophie being someone who was completely denied the opportunity to properly process her own trauma, while Jenny is someone who was able to kinda overcome and come to terms with her trauma with a lot of help and hard work. And Sophie is able to feel Humanized and Understood in seeing another person (a person she cares very deeply about) also struggle with familial trauma, and she suddenly feels hopeful for a future version of herself that never existed in her mind before who’s been able to meaningfully heal and continue with life and learn to start enjoying it. it is just a compelling idea to me!! I like to give jenny problems

[alliumnoblade]

ok here i am again with another meta analysis for rick and morty season 6 because of course my obsession phase isn’t over yet

apparently this season is a lot focused on the family smith. it was a big hypothesis when he only had the titles for the season to base our opinions on, but also when it started to air it was pretty clear ALL the smiths are the main focus on this season. the dynamics they have as a family, the nuances, the ups and downs, how they (dis)function - it appears to be explored very heavily this season. lately (a little bit in season 5 too) all five of them seem to be treated as a family, and not just a bunch of people that happen to live together.

which is nice, i really appreciate it, especially because they seem to mix that with sci-fi stuff and humor and honestly i couldn’t ask for anything else (i can’t be the only one laughing the shit off myself this season all the jokes are landing to me please)

my point is, i wonder if the reason why they decide to explore this theme so much is due to quarentine.

right now the smith family are stuck with each other. with the portal gun broken, rick and morty can only go so far in their own dimension, and since they can’t afford to screw things up, they really seems to be doing things tamer and less dangerous than before. in other words, they have nowhere to run and rick needs to deal with his family more often now.

this sounds A LOT like quarentine to me. you going a little bonkers, but also needing to deal with your peer’s crazyness as well. it’s the time you need to confront how disfunctional your family really is but how you love them so deeply you have no other option but to endure them. (i’m talking about non-abusive homes here, please). personally, i think i got a lot closer to my parents and brother after this hell, and it seems fitting the writers went through that as well.

considering season six was written during a more flexible but still real part of the lockdown, i find it a good hypothesis they decide to write the show analog to what was happening in the real world. the smith family can go to school, work, go out to ice cream, but at the end of the day there’s not a lot they can do but to be under the same house for long period of time -  they can’t travel, they can’t pretend their problems don’t exist, they can’t go out often. they need to confront each other.

with this new premiere for episode 4, night family, it got really clear to me how they are willing to just dive deep into the family dynamics, making it more smith-centric. it has been a common theme that rick is acting more like a grandpa rather than a crazy asshole scientist lately, how beth is actually willing to be a good mother now, how jerry is finally being assertive about his place in his home, how morty and summer seems to have a more love-hate bond than just a i-cant-stand-you bond. they are still all fuck ups in their respective areas, they are still horrible people, but they are their OWN horrible people

also the fact that the smith family CHOOSE each other rather than just accept they need to live together adds a new layer to things. no one is from that reality, in the first episode they had the choice to be in their origin dimension if they wanted to and they’ve had tons of opportunities to just walk away before. after a long, long jurney with the same people since half the season 1 (and this jerry from season 2), we can say that the smith family aren’t connected because rick is a control freak, but because they do love each other and this is their burden to carry. in the end, family is a burden you can’t throw away, but it’s your burden and i love that.

and the fact that they actively made the choice to keep each other close is so much nicer than whatever the abusive dynamic they had in later seasons. it’s a found family, they became a found family even if disfunctional as hell. i love that

[whistl-stahp]

ok i think this might actually be my favorite 8000 i read yet... (spoilers inbound)

like i'm a bit biased obvi given i love robots and ESPECIALLY aiad. and im also biased because alex's story has been NINE YEARS in the making and it's come out so so slowly. a lot of the articles that use her don't bring up her internal conflict with her feeling trapped. that omission isn't a bad thing, she acts as a good character to bring in when you need general computer stuff, but it just means i've been deficient of deep alex content and honestly thought for a while that her plot line was never gonna get resolved. but i just needed to learn to never lose hope!!

the nod to limited memory had me really happy. it's very clear the author did their aiad homework. i was surprised that none of the hello world bots were mentioned but i was not sure how they'd fit in, and looking at the comments the author felt the same way, so i cant complain

this article really captures alexandra's drive to help others and her reluctance to help herself, both of which are compounded by her being an ai. in original aiad it highlights how she's bound by duty in a really unique way that a human wouldn't be; she was programmed to follow the foundation, she was created by the foundation, it is hardwired into her identity to help the foundation. but despite it all she still wants to be free. and she isn't brave enough to run away, because that would be choosing to throw away her entire purpose. but she is still so determined to be the kindest person she can be with what she has. i love this articles blend of that, where her drive to help humanity is intertwined with her duty to the foundation. she sees her entire existence as helping humanity, like, thats what she was build to do, she cant just turn against the foundation!! but she has people there to tell her that it's ok to want to be free, and she can still be kind to people when she leaves her duty behind.

she will still be kind. her kindness has never been shaken and this article shows that even at the extreme she is still at her core kind and will always be so.

it also shows a side of her i wouldn't have thought of, where she feels like people don't really care about her. some of that probably stems from the foundation moving forward and creating new and more advanced ai, but the main reason here is a result of alex's memory module failing and how she literally can't function anymore. she thinks she's useless, unable to complete her mission, and should be left behind. but her unrelenting kindness to everyone comes back around and crom and lurk are there to help her <3 and they value her <3

but the ending is really interesting slash confusing to me.. it had a "and it was all a dream" feel but also kinda wasnt? and alex still isn tfree? shes still working for the foundation just with more self-confidence? unless the end was supposed to be her telling lurk goodbye and then leaving forever... but i didnt see that if so.

i guess the "more self confidence" isnt giving her much credit i mean the article literally says 'ya shes not fake shes straight up a person.' but i dont know where the ending led... im just confused. was this the resolution of her story or not? but OK I LIKED IT A LOT OK. the prose and css mixed together was something id never have expected on an aiad article, or an scp article at all! it was awesome! it creates such strong emotion its literally my favorite 8kcon entry!!!

also shoutout to it being totally mobile compatible. the screen jittered a bit but it was flawless outside of that which was surprising bc css heavy scps usually break on phones

IIUUGH AND RHE ENDING BEING A CALL BACK TO NULL TERMINATING STRING... ok im done now. [/end]

FICTIONAL AI.... I LOVE U SO MUUUCH...

[abominablecreeture]

Its been a while since i posted anything about that anticiv/ antidoctor/ medical reskilling zine project (or whatever it is, that's not just up to me), so i wanted to share some of the work i've done. heres hoping that this gives y'all a clearer picture of what this might be or is inspiring or something like that.

(also i kinda hate my working title, but cant currently articulate why and havent got a better one yet. but if you have an idea or wanna tell me why you think this one sucks, either of those things would totally feel helpful)

Fire Your Doctor (working title)

Introduction

There are so many reasons to hate going to the doctor. They demean you, distrust your sense of your physical experience, and will sooner blame your weight or your weed habit than admit they don’t know what’s wrong. The list could be practically endless.

But still, many people go, despite their reservations, because they have questions they need answered and they don’t know where else to look, and because the shiny, clean, academic institutions maintain their faith, even when individual doctors do not.

Even many people who find themselves disenchanted with society and its defenders still consider the medical institution an indispensable part of life, and think that access to it should be broadened. Sure cops are bad: they kill people. But we’re supposed to think of doctors as people who save lives.

In answer to those opinions, I propose this framework, though it isn’t mine: doctors are the only people who are allowed to provide certain lifesaving interventions. And the personal cost of access to doctor’s services is your ability to adequately maintain your place within the society that the doctor serves.

Doctors aren’t just a lot like cops – doctors are cops. If the function of police is to violently enforce the parameters of acceptable behavior, then it might be an understatement because doctors exercise this power in a much more complete and intimate way than police are afforded access to.

Histories of colonial medicine make this point extremely clear:

“In framing a Filipino social body, medical officers claimed authority over the most private of daily activities; personal and domestic life became constituents of the public performance of personal and domestic hygeine...The laboratory was emerging as an ideal discursive space, an exemplary colonial site – a symbol of control, purity, and precision that initially was far more significant than the routine practices of bacteriological investigation that went on within it. Colonial military tactics and protocols of population management remained fundamental in disciplining Filipinos, and the army camp still presented an appealing image, but the laboratory implied an even greater capacity for intervention and manipulation.” (Colonial Pathologies: American Tropical Medicine, Race, and Hygeine in the Phillipines, Warwick Anderson)

And further, they make it extremely clear that colonial populations were used to develop methods of control, but, once tried and tested, these methods were used on the colonizing government’s internal populations (referred to here as “the metropole”, in contrast to “the colony”)

“In a generally uncritical, unreflective way, these colonial technicians were prepared to find the modern in the colony, the colonial in the metropole. In this case, the traffic between the United States and the Phillipines...enables us to recognize that colonial technologies of rule could also be used to develop the ‘nation’...The Phillipines, Puerto Rico, and Hawaii were borderlands, where many ‘experts’ were experimenting with various national bodies, including their own.” (Ibid.)

Histories of medical enterprises in other nation’s colonies are similar. Now fully deployed, these tactics of control are so total that they can be almost invisible. For people born in hospitals, doctors will be the first to touch – and to assess – the individual’s physical form. They hold the power to declare the infant Normal, or to send them away to be brought into compliance – often by surgical intervention.

Youth is conducted according to the doctor’s orders. Infancy, toddlerhood, childhood, and adolescence are all highly medicalized, complete with schedules built so that parents can do the policing work, reporting back to the pediatrician, eager for further instruction.

The totality of medicine’s influence over our lives remains intact as we grow older. Not only has the advice of doctors shaped how we sleep, eat, clean our bodies and the spaces we inhabit, even how we fuck, but also, as Ivan Illich wrote in 1974,

“Medical bureaucrats subdivide people into those who may drive a car, those who may stay away from work, those who must be locked up, those who may become soldiers, those who may cross borders, cook, or practice prostitution, those who may not run for vice presidency of the united states, those who are dead, those who are competent to commit a crime and those who are liable to commit one.”

Accepting that this wasn’t a complete list at the time, it would need to be even longer if it was written now. Advances in digital technology create a massive system of surveillance possibilities, and the medical industry hasn’t missed the chance to join in. I bet the cops would love to see your fitbit data.

None of this is an accident or a mistake. There are many atrocities in the history of modern medicine. As discussed in the earlier example, the medical institution accumulates its knowledge by extracting it from the bodies of individuals on the periphery of empire so that that knowledge may benefit the empire and the individuals at its core. Medical knowledge is also used to maintain this periphery, historically helping to encode categories like race, gender and sex into the social reality.

Those who publicly defend the medical industry will admit to this historical record, now that the history of the Tuskegee Experiment is too public to deny and books such as Medical Apartheid by Harriet A. Washington have been published to some acclaim. They’ve crafted a recuperating narrative, where each instance of these patterns just represents the missteps of individuals clouded by prejudice. They’d like you to utterly dismiss just how fundamental these “missteps” were to the development of medical science.

They tell a story where the goal of the medical industry is to improve the health of the people who seek care from it, and, more generally, the health of as many people as possible. For this story to be consistent, any harm that comes to those people must be in error.

But there’s a different story – one which resonates deeply with many who find themselves harmed by medical practitioners, or by their disregard. In this story, the medical institution, like all institutions, is an outgrowth of the hulking mass of civilization that I, on the heels of Fredy Perlman and others, call Leviathan. Just as history doesn’t concern itself with the stories of individuals, but instead with the story of the body of this beast, medicine concerns itself with the health of this monstrous body. This beast “does have a body, a monstrous body...without any life of its own”; it is an undead body, and it is animated only by the people it traps inside (Against History Against Leviathan, Fredy Perlman). The health of this beast requires the sorting and categorization of the people it traps inside, according to the work they will be made to perform, and they must be kept docile, or otherwise disposed of as useless components. The health of those components is incidental to their performance in animating the beast.

Through our childhoods, the medical industry, in partnership with other leviathanic institutions like the school, the family and the church, evaluates us, sorts us, and informs us of our place within the beast. In adulthood, we’re put to work animating the horrid body, and the institutions of medicine function to keep us at our posts.

There are only two kinds of advice that most people seem to feel capable of giving each other about our bodies: “don’t worry about it” and “talk to your doctor”. This inability to engage with our physical beings, to live in our own bodies, or care for the bodies of our loved ones is also a part of this story. Why would we submit to this kind of capture willingly, if we had any other good option? Colonial processes, and other moments of people’s capture by empire, show a consistent pattern of bitter disdain for traditional medical practices and violence towards its practitioners.

In this story, the medical industry betrays us because that’s their job. But this zine isn’t about this story so much as it’s about what we can do once we realize we’re trapped inside it. What can we do with our aches and illnesses once we realize that doctors refuse to? Or don’t know how? Or refuse to even acknowledge them?

Doctors as we experience them are a modern invention, but hearkening to a history when wellbeing was considered individually will not bring back knowledge or forms of relating to ourselves that were violently discouraged or destroyed.

Systems of understanding are killed by silence. The ideas in books (this one, too!) are also dead. What we do in defiance of our systems of capture is alive. Hopefully this zine can help people as we learn to care for ourselves and each other. And not so we can hope to do it after “the revolution” or “after collapse” or in any other imagined future. So we can do it now.

Some of this understanding is old and we seek to continue its passage. Other contributions represent understandings developed by the author, based on their own experiences and struggles. Some may be theoretical and highly researched, while others will share personal experiences.

Old knowledge can be incomplete, or contradictory. So can new knowledge. We will not attempt to minimize this complexity; different authors may contradict each other. Its our task as individuals to decide how to navigate it and to perform our own observations to make it more complete. The project of this zine is simply to pass along what others have found helpful. We hope you can find some use here as well.

[ankhisms]

painfully aware of how my mental and physical illnesses make it feel almost impossible for me to function or exist at all in society

yes i have a diary now yes i am still writing this here bc im not home yet. my pain in my back and neck and hip have been worse and worse lately and ive been trying to just manage it and deal with it but my mental health has also just been a rollercoaster lately where ill be fine and then ill take a nose dive and have been genuinely really seriously suicidal and close to relapsing into self harm but i thankfully havent. right now im just thinking about how much it sucks that just no matter how hard i try people can still sense that theres something off about me and that i dont act "normal" in our interactions like at the end of the audition i had to talk to this like theater manager lady and the conversation was really hard for me to follow along and get through and it was clear that she thought i was acting weird and she asked me if id be willing to do behind the scenes stuff and i said something like well i like 25 miles out of town so i cant really come for backstage stuff on short notice and she was like well can you follow instructions and i had trouble responding to that because thats a loaded question for me i do often strugglw with the instructions people give me especially in environments like work ones so i said uh within reason and she clearly thought that was a weird response. it just all makes me feel so hopeless i feel like in the past with the theater i grew up in and the other one i acted in they like... they were aware of me being strange but the directors at least didnt hold it against me or get mad at me really for being not normal because they knew i was a good actor and i worked hard and i was serious about it and passionate about it and now i feel like people just notice that im not normal and think that means that they shouldnt have me in their production. but then it hurts to also think like. well what if ive just never actually been very good at this. for such a long time acting was like the only thing i ever truly felt fully confident in myself about and the only thing i belueced in myself about ive always felt pretty insecure about my art and writing even though i love doing those things just as much as acting but with acting i always felt like it was something i was good at or at least decent at it like i got lead roles the first time i tried to go to college i got a scholarship for my acting. and now im just like. what if ive just been total shit at this this entire time. what if someones going to just tell me straight to my face that im laughably bad at this and that its pathetic and that theres no chance in hell that i can ever be a professional actor. thinking about it all now its like man. the professors at that first college i tried to go to who tormented me and told me i was too ugly to get any roles and too emotional really fucked me up i think thats where this self doubt in my acting ability is coming from. because before that whole disaster i really did feel more solidly confident in my ability. and now its like. what if i really just suck at this and no matter how much i love it and care about it and put a lot of work and thought and effort into it what if theres just no chance for me and its all impossible. anyway im just rambling now but yeah. really doubt im getting into the show i auditioned for today

[falloutjay]

Stan x anxious/compassionate reader (kind of has a little canon divergence)

After giving up on Wendy (around Season 12), Stan and us start dating, we were always worried about him (no we weren't dating him out of pity, we were just a very anxious person). Some people find of clingy, others find us adorable but We've never left his side:

Ex: We were by his side helping with whales (Whale W)

We were the only one who didn't leave him when he got depression (You're Getting Old/Ass Burgers)

Next to Heidi, we became social pariah because we didn't want to dump Stan (this even made Wendy guilty)

But him moving, really gets to us, the coronavirus makes it worse. We get worried about him, then we start getting worried about everyone else as everything falls apart (Kyle, Kenny, Eric, Butters, Tweek, Craig, Scott, etc.) And we pass out of stress. About waking up in the hospital, we find out, everyone was worried about us. And Stan is the most worried of all, he spends the whole day with us. We tal-no vent about all the happened to the both of us. By the end of it, we agree that whatever happens we'll do it together.

Guess whos back! :D

Well, while it's not my best work, in my humble opinion, I sure hope you enjoy and like it. Again sorry for the delay! ಥ_ಥ

And if it's not that clear, because I know I can write a little cryptic, there is a time skip. You can either have all the show events happen when they are children and have the time skip between Covid and the memories or between you getting together as kids and the memories. Choose however you like! ^^

_________________________________________

Stan x anxious!compassionate!Reader

Tiny eyes watched the scene unfold.

Normally, Wendy was the one to break up with Stan, but not this time around. Stan was actually telling Wendy that he had no interest in her anymore.

“What changed Stan?” Wendy asked, obviously confused.

“I think I like someone else… I don’t know yet…”

Wendy gave him a smile.

“I wish you all the luck Stan, say if you need anything!”

“I will.” And with that, Wendy took off to be with her friends, while Stan turned a corner and told Kyle and Kenny how it went.

Cartman was there too, but he only wanted to know if she cried, because “she would deserve it.”.

You closed your locker and felt your heartbeat like crazy. Ever since you changed school a few months ago, Stan captured your little ten-year-old mind.

He was kind and showed you around when you had no idea where to go. It was a little crush you developed, and you never felt as scared and excited as now, since that Stan had broken off with Wendy.

This newfound feeling almost made you dizzy but you quickly snapped back into reality when you heard your name.

“Y/N?” Stan asked and waited patiently for his answer next to you.

“Oh, sorry, I was thinking, what did you want?”

“Would you maybe like to hang out some time?”

Stan almost got a heart attack when you suddenly squealed but was happy when you managed to get a high-pitched “YES!” out.

“Okay, what are you betting Kenny? Some Pennies or a dead rat?” Cartman almost fell from his chair laughing about his shitty joke, while Kyle and Kenny rolled their eyes.

“Don’t you think it’s weird how clingy they are?” Kyle asked his blonde friend, while they kept watching you and Stan, who were seated at a separate table at lunch.

“Honestly, I think it’s pretty cute.” Kenny said with his muffled voice.

You held his arm and hugged him from the side, while he happy kept on eating his lunch.

Eric, who had now calmed down from his laugh attack eyed the couple critically. “I’m giving them a month max.”

He said lazily and looked around. “I say longer than a year.” Kenny said, throwing a crinkled five-dollar note on the table.

“You two are horrible.” Kyle shook his head before he threw 10 dollars on the table.

“Four months.”

Kenny was a happy man after a year, because despite everyone believing you two would eventually break up, you never did.

You were always by his side, no matter what.

His desire to desperately save whales with the help of a braindead ship crew?

You were always right by his in the interviews he gave.

His horrible depression that even drove Kyle away? No chance, you stood strong and helped him through the whole thing and even help reuniting the gang.

Even during the protest against Skanthunt42, you chose to sit this one out, despite you absolutely hating that the troll photoshopped a dick into your mother’s mouth.

At least you and Heidi got close due to you guys both becoming social outcasts. When Wendy heard this, she was impressed by your dedication and felt somewhat guilty for obviously not trying as much in her former relationship.

Everyone admired your patience and endurance. No matter what obstacle came, you managed to get through it.

“You don’t need to be sad, Y/N. I won't be that far away.” Stan said, holding your hand.

“B-But it's outside of town. You need ages by bike to get there and vice versa.” You said, holding back tears.

Randy walked past you and you desperately pleaded to him.

“Please Mister Marsh, please stay in town!” Randy put the box he carried into the car, before turning to you.

“Real sorry, dear Y/N. This town is…How do I put it… Absolute shit and I really want to get away.”

He patted you on the head and went back into the house to get more boxes.

“Told you, you cant talk to him.” Stan said and shrugged.

“But it’s unfair. We won’t see each other as much anymore.” Stan pressed a kiss onto your cheek, which made you blush intensely.

“Don’t. Worry. I will make time for you.”

With that in mind, you didn’t feel as sad, when the car with the Marsh Family in it left for their new home.

“I will make time for you, my ass.” You mumbled while you sat at a bench near Starks Pond. Letting out a deep sigh, you leaned back and just enjoyed the warmth of the setting sun.

Covid was one hell of a bitch and just had to have this big impact on everyone’s life. Stan and you now saw each other less and less.

It was just a horrible feeling that tainted your heart and made you worry a lot.

Maybe he was feeling just as bad as you are, maybe even more?

Maybe he just didn’t want to tell you how he felt?

Were you maybe a bad partner? Your mind began racing and your train of thoughts became unrailed.

So many bad thoughts manifested themselves and it made you almost gasp for air.

“I need to check on him.” You mumbled getting up from the park bench.

You began walking and you kind of hoped that maybe just the walking would get your mind in check, but sadly it didn’t. Involuntarily you had to think about all the other stuff that happened during this horrible time.

The precious Broship was more fragile than ever. You had become such good friends with Kenny, Kyle and Cartman over time that it hurt you a lot too.

You also saw Covid take a toll on your other friends, like Craig and his group, who now took Cartman into their gang after the split up.

However, that came to be…

The girls were also pretty divided, so hanging out with them meant picking sides which wasn’t your thing, you kinda just want them to get along again.

Everything felt like it was falling apart. Your parents had fights ever so often, all your friends had problems and your beloved boyfriend was stuck on that stupid farm.

God how you hated that stupid farm and Randy.

When he gave you one of those plushies that looked like him, you functioned it into a voodoo doll. But sadly, it didn’t seem to affect him, no matter how many needles you rammed into it.

Your heart felt heavy, and it seemed hard to breathe, but you brushed it aside.

You had already reached the busy streets of South Park and mingled between the newly vaccinated people.

Everywhere you looked, the people seemed happy.

Everyone was happy except you and the people around you… Maybe…You were the problem?

You shook your head. No, you didn’t allow those kinds of thoughts.

You much rather think about Stan. How you miss him and how amazing your dates were.

Oh, how much effort he put into all the small things… Well… At least he did.

Now that you thought about it when was your last date?

It feels like it had been ages. It has been ages. Everything had been ages. Going out with him, hanging out with your friends, your family not fighting… How long has this been the new normal? You can’t help but wonder.

Your heart clenched again. “Stop it, stupid heart.” You mumbled under your breath.

An exhausted sigh escaped your lips when you thought about how you maybe had to walk all the way up to the farm… It would take ages, but you really craved being held by the person you adored so much.

So, you continued walking down through the street when an elder lady stopped you.

“Excuse me, but you look rather sickly, are you alright?” Confused you raised an eyebrow. Did the vaccines make them delusional?

“No, I’m fine.” You answered, somewhat snippy, even when you didn’t know why you were so agitated.

“But you look rather pale, maybe you- I am fine.” You interrupted her and continued your path.

Were all people in this shitty town stupid or- The thought could not be completed, due to you suddenly losing consciousness.

When you woke up again, you immediately recognized one of the Hells Pass Hospital rooms, once your eyes had adjusted to the bright lights. Around the bed were your parents and more importantly Stan and his mother.

“Thank God, you’re awake again!” Your mother said when she went for a hug.

Confused you asked why you were here.

“Well, seemingly you were so stressed out, that your body basically shut down.”

Somewhat shocked you looked around. Was it really a surprise to hear that? Not really, but it still felt odd knowing that it happened.

“Well, I’m glad you’re fine, Y/N.” Misses Marsh commented and smiled warmly at you. She had always liked you and you felt the same. She was always nice to you and you felt like she was the only one with a brain in the family…

Feeling a sudden sensation of warmness on your hand, your eyes darted down to it. Stan held you hand while answering something your dad had asked him.

“Well, Sharon, you wanna accompany us to get some hot chocolate for us all?”

Your mother said with an odd wink, which made you and Stan roll your eyes.

The three adults left the room chatting happily. Stan looked at you with a stern expression, which kind of surprised you.

“I swear, whenever I think I couldn’t get more worried about you, your parents call me, to tell me that you’re in the hospital.”

“Worried? About me? I should be worried about you?” You laughed to which Stan shook his head.

“Listen, everyone has been super worried about you since you seemed so down and just exhausted. Like, Kyle already called me earlier to ask if you’re awake again. I don’t know why you worry about me; I am really fine babe. Promise.”

With that said, the door opened, and your parents came back inside.

“Y/N, the doctor said they would like you to stay the night, so they can check that you’re really alright.” Your father informed you and you were immediately annoyed.

Well, you had no choice but to oblige. Your parents left after an hour, wanting to get you some clothes and other things you’d need.

Sharon also bids her goodbye and so you and Stan were left.

And just like you wished, you got to cuddle with him. He held you close, and you vented to him, how worried you were about everything and everyone, while he told you just how worried all of your friends had been since you were acting so out of character.

“Even Cartman?”

“Yup, even when he would never admit it.” Stan laughed. He held your hand tight, and his content smile never left his face.

“I think we should talk more about feelings and being worried and all that. I know I’m not all that good at it, but I don’t ever wanna have to visit you in a hospital again.” Stan said, giving your hand a squeeze.

“That sounds good. But you gotta accept, I worry a lot, because I care a lot about you, okay?” You said sternly and Stan nodded. You two looked fondly at each other and just enjoyed the time you got.

“Together forever?” You asked and he whispered “Forever.”, before he pressed a sweet kiss onto your lips.

[szif]

or the fact that it's like, 5 am. i've just been thinking in the past few hours. like,, about everything, i guess. and i got a lot of thoughts out. and they surely cleared my head. why cant i say what i want right now. i've always had fun and lived life way differently than others and obviously i always knew that was the case since everybody has been aware of my differentness to their ways. oh do i sound cryptic here. and i have been accommodating myself to get into the things people seem to like and do a lot. and try to find those things fun and somehow connect. and then it just made me find different things fun and find different parts of certain things fun that people never do. and get hobbies nobody seems to do. well. "hobbies". and this year, ever since the beginning, i have been doing a lot of things. connecting with other people. trying out new things. just living life in a way where i invest myself into a lot of things and people, and these things have been extremely fun and i learned a lot of new things and it made me feel better, it has been.... fun. but the more i do anything, the more i realize that there will always be a certain type of. barrier. between me and everything else. because of everything. can't seem to describe what "everything" means here. i just seem out of the ordinary, and not even in a special way, it's more like, the wired incorrect type of way. while i'm doing everything good, and other people also seem to see me try to do things, and do things good, i always seem to return to the same things. the same things i am . and this is something just, not changeable. something assigned by the brain, by the flesh, by the soul. it's like a machine and the cogs in it are placed in perfect order at the perfect places, and while this is a perfectly working machine, it's a machine with different mechanisms and a different purpose and existence than the perceived ordinary. it surely is made out of the same cogs and wires as any other parts, yet it has a different function. yet you would think of this machine, and the handlers of these machines would also think the same, that this particular machine fulfills the same role as the other ones. yet it does not. and there's something about this, about these machines performing, where they do a variety of things, a lot of functions, yet the way they function at the base has to be the exact same, as there is a general rule on how every machine works. so it gets used the same way as the other ones, and some don't use it, as it doesn't do the tasks of the other machines the exact way.

i dont know whether its just that its winter thats messing with me and making me feel all these things or if i am genuinely having thoughts like i do because it's something i am about

[help-i-need-a-cool-username]

Tell me more about this fake relationship au I’m interested 👀

I AM GLAD YOU ASKED

So its not all that thought out right now, because I thought it up last night. I'll make a whole post on it when I'm done because it has become clear to me that this is about to become one of my AUs (aka way to thought out and researched). So you're about to get what my brain decided to spit ball at me last night. It was basically 3 dif scenarios. One was time travel of all things 🤷‍♀️

So the root of all these is that Jacques did something (again) that upset a lot of people, and people are huddled up in a group (in the training room? break room?) talking about it. Someone mentions how it doesnt matter what anyone does, it doesnt really effect the guy personally. Marrow says something along the lines of "I wish we could hurt him personally, just once, just to finally get a hit in" (is he allowed to say that on the job? idk but its fanfic so). And either Weiss or Winter suggests the fake dating/marriage idea. I like to think Winter has a lot of personality inside her, she just only expresses anger/irritation outwardly, which Marrow will discover through this journey 😏. So does she like the idea of facing her dad when he's mad? Its canon that she doesnt but Weiss seems to enjoy making him mad when she's not there to get yelled at so I'm transferring that to Winter and dialing it up a bit. So basically Marrow wants to take a potshot at either Jacques or just Atlas elite society in general and Winter is always down for pissing off her dad.

Now heres where things get shifty. Right now Im only coming up with Married For Years dynamic or Oh Shit This Is Serious level of situation which doesnt quite work with the prank vibes this began as. Like Winter and Marrow being forced to have dinner with her parents and stuff after they "eloped", which is just angst, and i was going for Winter and Marrow playing into whatever crazy thing the tabloids are saying. And like by doing this (real or fake) they could be breaking a lot of fraternization rules, turning a fake scandal into a real one. Granted the media, and therefore everyone Jacques has to talk to at functions, cares more about a Schnee dating a faunus. Winter and Ironwood are pretty tight so I dont think either would loose their job. They might try to get Ironwood to officiate their wedding, in a version where they go all in, and he has to say no because if he does that he will officially burn every bridge he has with Jacques and the military kinda needs his dust.

so basically i gotta decide if its gonna be funny, and in turn how much i can stretch their personalities before they get OOC, or it would be serious, with Winter and Marrow trying to keep this up when they dont actually know much about each other and the Ace Ops making unhelpful commentary (*cough* referring to Winter by names Marrow now knows Winter hates, like "cold-hearted" *cough*). I dont see it as "we were drunk and in Vegas and thought it was a funny idea" type thing but also that would be HILARIOUS and i just cant take it off the table yet. Im also having trouble coming up with why Marrow would agree to this, because someone would def try to talk him out of it and a lot is on the line for a prank

as for the time travel one (it was actually this first one that popped into my head and i dont even like that trope, and now its kinda my fav option for this) it was Winter (and Marrow?) ending up back in time during V7 or before era, and present!Marrow seeing a whole nother side of her when she slips and acts like this version of him is her husband, and the Ace Ops actually seeing her express emotion since future!Marrow has managed to pull some personality into her external expressions. And the whole reason they are happily married never wouldve happened if they hadnt gotten married to piss off Jacques. Also Ice Queen Schnee glaring at everyone but being soft around her fun guy husband. Like she's staring daggers at Harriet while Marrow hands her a ice pack and sits next to her on the couch before putting his arm around her and she leans in. Maybe the fight with Cinder left her with lasting injuries (it prob did. I mean she was in a exoskeleton just to walk in V8) and in the following year Marrow got hurt too, so Ruby is over in the corner calling them "old" when they start complaining about how the Atlas cold is making their bodies hurt and "this is why we moved to [insert warm location here]"

[batarangsoundsdumb]

yet another ask dump yeehaw!

do you ever think that jay's mother was one of those bitch who believes in horoscope and tarots and things like that and so he believes in these things too, or it is just me projecting?

sheila haywood took one look at jason's birthchart said 'nah this won't do' and left.

Wait, but what happens when the justice league does find out that Bruce and John fucked? Lmao it sounds like it would be hilarious, really, I don’t want a justice league that doesn’t make fun of Bruce for like his entire life.

barry runs out of the meeting immediately and comes back with an entire sti testing kit. diana fully seriously wants bruce to get tested while bruce is sitting there like 'come on guys, you're being ridiculous, i already checked twice'

john is standing in the corner clearly offended while bruce is just like 'don't even say anything, constantine, you fucked a shark'

tim was like "i'm drake now" and everyone was like ahh so your fursona is a dragon and tim was like pffffft no. ducks.

on the one hand, good for him, on the other hand, bro, how do you still have a secret identity when your superhero name is just your last name,,,,

Your fic on ao3 was GOLD PLEASE CONTINUE I loved Dinah's cameo btw ( @purple-vixen

thanks so much! i already continued but this ask is like 10 years old because i'm a notorious procrastinator (also yes! i love dinah so much aahhhhhhhhhhhh)

I've FINALLY been watching the Batman animated series and I gotta say, after watching "the gray ghost" I am CONVINCED that Batman is a closeted super hero geek who was 100% freaking out the first time he met Superman and is just REALLY good at hiding it.

bruce internally: holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit holy fuck holy shit bruce externally: get out of my city, alien

AHHH ur multimedia fic is the only thing that brings me happiness anymore continue it forever pls

uhh thanks, but can't continue it forever because my attention span is that of a toddler on crack on a good day and i can't function without at least 10 things going on at the same time and music in the background

Oi, so I'm getting into dc and watching batman the animated series, and they use fruitcake a lot. Which I thought was very funny and wanted to share w you - Denilla

wait like fruitcake (food) or fruitcake (derogatory) ?

young justice 🤝 teen titans slut shaming batman

tim drake and dick grayson to their respective teams 'you guys stop it, that's my dad'

Happyhoganon: If an eighty year old Batman had fought crime in Gotham City for decades and the only threats to him and the city lately are a wheel chair bounded Penguin, your usual purse snatchers and a few con artists popping up every now and then, how well could the Dark Knight do in maintaining the peace in Gotham despite him being just somewhat fit to do that as an elderly man (which says A LOT given how old he is)

uhh he'll probably do what my grandpa does and that is ruthlessly prank them until they die of shame.

in the death in the family interactive movie there's an ending where Jason is tasked with raising Damian and he decides he's gonna raise Damian to take down the waynes and al ghuls which uh maybe isn't great BUT the idea of Jason raising Damian... PRICELESS. CHAOTIC. I just need more people to know about this :)

yes i saw that wow holy shit but jason would accidentally drop damian on his head one (1) hour in and jason just yeets him into the lazarus pit.

Headcanon: The Penguin has a really hard time fighting any of the Robins because of his avian obsession means there's always a small part of his mind that's like "Birb. Child. Protect" ( @subspacecadet )

as soon as dick becomes nightwing the penguin is like 'you know what, fuck this dude' and shoots at him.

Y'all talking about King Shark dating Constantine, let's not forget about John literally hooking up with Satan

listen there's a clear difference between monsterfucker and satanfucker in that king shark is literally a shark and satan still looks like a normal dude

Does everyone in Gotham think Batman is a teen dad?

everyone in gotham thinks batman has been around since gotham was founded, but they do think that bruce wayne is actually a teen father and dick grayson's biological dad.

why. why would you do that fancast when you know it will only hurt people

what? i loved my fancast it was really well done. i did it with good representation in mind and i really managed that with alfred pennyworth being ✨italian✨

Seeing james charles a jason gave me psychic damage how dare you i need to wash my eyes

well that's a you problem isn't it?

do you think dick grayson thirst tweets about nightwing just to annoy his family/cause problems on purpose in general?

he thinks nightwing is hot, next question.

holy jiminy cricket batman, its as cold as the good lords ass crack in here!!

i- what? this is why i don't fuck with english expressions it's way too goddamn weird

Brooooooo, your teen dad!Bruce au is soooo good. I've got brainrot.

Honestly if you ever write anymore, I'd read that shit twice. Sign me the fuck up. Good stuff, Good Stuff.

uh yeah i'm thinking about writing a fic, but i have exams coming up and i don't wanna fail because that would suck. but after i'll certainly be writing more tho

your teen dad AU is so great! bruce acting like a big brother for all of like a week before he's telling everyone about his son. what if in the AU dick meets the JL because they need to rescue him? maybe he's in trouble/kidnapped at a gala and bruce starts calling for JL. clark finds him and has to fly with dick to bring him home - that's how dick and clark meet and superman becomes dick's fave hero. he goes around the manor thinking he can fly with a red blanket draped around him like a cape.

actually- if you want a young dad! bruce fic with like that kinda stuff(just with damian) go check uhh- in for a penny by cdelphiki. it's really good and bruce is like 24/25-ish. (and dick's there!!!)

This account has solely convinced me that Tim is a trash goblin ( @hamilcat-and-magic-turtle )

because he is. that boy has slept in dumpsters on multiple occasions even if he is the son of a billionaire.

Okay but when you said victory dance I did think of the whole justice league defeating the big bad and then they all start flossing

well that's exactly what hal jordan does and that's why batman uses a gun now. no but the victory dance in my opinion is like the 'we're all in this together' dance from high school musical.

The horrors in Invincible s1 was nothing compared to the comics, I cant wait for s2

oh well okay, i mean i personally react to horror and violence by laughing awkwardly so i can't wait to be called a monster for accidentally laughing at a mass murder.

I'm currently watching Batman: The Brave and The Bold and- Bruce is just talking about Oliver like he's an old love (@nightwings-kid)

okay im going to watch that lmao that's totally and completely in character for him tho.

The invincible comic is like super gratuitous with its violence so much so I'm shocked the show was able to adapt it in a faithful way! Anyway had the show been live action it absolutely wouldn't have the same impact as it does as an animated show and I'm so glad so many people agree with me on that

also because a live action casting would've been like uhh amanda stenberg for amber, the dude- the guy from the supernatural but with a mustache for omni-man, and scarlet johanssen for debbie grayson

Debbie grayson is a milf, yes. You're welcome for the invincible propoganda, now you can questions your life. Bruce def seems like the perfect father next to Omni-man. Like they really took a rip off justice league and I was like well, now I'm attached even tho I was like hah I know who they're supposed to be. And then bam- death gore death gore gore gore sad Mark grayson just had to have daddy issues. Why does every character have daddy issues. I'm sick of the attacks

because daddy issues make a person arguably funnier, that's why i'm not even remotely funny (haha good dad flex). i liked that it was dark contextually, but not in the colouring, bc i hate when it's like 'uh yeah graphic murder and now a shot so dark you have to sit in a dark room and squint at the screen to faintly see the characters. (like dcau ugh)

About the Wayne insurance, for a moment I thought you would put the video with moans over the waves.

i mean- i could've done that, but rick rolling seemed more family friendly.

Its the first time in forever that im surpise rickrolled, i usually expect it. Congratulations (i really should know better this is tumblr)

i get rickrolled so often but i actually like the song so i dont really give a fuck

Actually, my information about Damian and John's kids is outdated because it was revealed that the old men telling the kids stories about the Supersons were actually Jon and Damian the whole time. I was blinded by my thirst for Grandpa!Bruce Wayne but I was wrong... I liked my version better, tbh (@artemisa97)

fair enough. but i'd honestly like to see damian and jon getting together, just because it's a really fun dynamic and their friendship was really cute when they were kids. (also idk maybe it would be nice to have one (1) main batfam/superfam character that's not cishet)

How am i JUST finding your blog skdskfkd you're so fucking funny and ur takes are hot

i thought u were calling me hot :( but youre not :( crime detected (but lmao thanks)

So I have depression and I swear that your memes are one of the few things that have made me laugh so thank you 💛🥺 (@katekanebadass)

aw you're welcome, and i hope you're doing okay!

The metropolis memes are so funny, I love them 💀😌

i think metropolis is also so fucking funny it deserves more attention imagine having your entire police force being upstaged by an alien from kansas and his kids

as an american i feel your complete lack of knowledge of us geography is just so sexy (platonic) ❤️

thanks so much (i also don't know any other geography, i'm not kidding, like you can tell me you're from hungary and it will just blank, there will be nothing that comes to mind)

In the DC universe they don't say "Can't have shit in Detroit" they say "Can't have shit in Gotham"

this just reminds me of that guy whose porch got stolen like the steps to his door, and i'm thinking of people living in gotham and waking up without a front door and going "can't have shit in gotham"

honestly all i know about chicago is the bean, so. what would gotham's famous sculpture be?

gigantic gargoyle statue in front of one of the police precincts because a villain thought it was a smart way to keep the police inside, but it's too heavy to move.

why tf do people go on about how batman "works alone" or how he's the "lone wolf" when he like 38290202 members in his family

bc people think it's cool that a grown man in his 30s has no friends or family instead of calling it what it is (sad)

Bruce is gotham's sugar daddy

why would say something so controversial yet so brave.

my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context

dick: gerard way are you in position, gerard way are you in position

tim: for the last fucking time, my codename is 'totally not count olaf' this week, abbafan 3000

dick: shut up my codename isn't 'abbafan 3000'

dick: it's 'abbafan number 1' and you know it

I have a feeling Tim drake is ur favourite batfamily member but okay u don't have favs if u say so ok

i mean he is, i won't deny it. but i love each and every one of the batfam just the same, i just have a weak spot for short dumbass nerds, because i'm a short dumbass nerd.

Omg i fuckin love boy meets world too fam shsjkfk

bro boy meets world was the shit!!! it was just fire and awesome and so fucking great like bro. it was so good im not even going to be accepting criticism

you know I find the whole "joker completes batman" thing a bit disgusting considering the horrendous stuff the batfamily went through because of the joker and let's not get started on the "joker has a point" thing like yeah he's this cool complex villain but he's absolutely batshit crazy

like yes! i get what you mean the joker just fucking sucks man he doesn't do shit for batman's character or the batfam he's literally just annoying as fuck. like the joker has a point' shit is so stupid. i will accept 'magneto was right' because he fucking was and i think he didn't do anything wrong, but joker? he's just like that. he's not even cool and complex he's just a weirdo with a bleach kink at this point.

ALSO YOUR RACISM POST- SO TRUE BESTIE

thanks bestie, i'm glad you agree.

in today's essay of why I think cass should become batman- I was thinking Tim would probably be the most efficient batman in many ways but I also think he wouldn't want to be batman tbh none of the batfamily members would want to be batman because they're trying to outgrow him but cass is the one who wants to represent the symbol that is batman

absofuckinglutely i will say it again and again that cass represents the batsymbol more than anyone in the batfam, in batgirl (2000) she literally didn't care about anything else than bruce's oath to not kill, she thought the batsymbol was more important than anything in gotham. she's just an excellent character because her motivation to not kill is not 'i'm scared i can't come back from it' or 'well my dad says no murder so i'll go along with it' but that she's killed somebody as a young child and she never wants to kill a human ever again and that's so fucking beautiful for a new batman like yes.

need more cass, duke and tim inclusion in gothamite memes

yes yes, a tall order of cass, duke and tim coming up in 1-14 business days

oldest to youngest batfam members cus I'm confused as shit

okay order of being taken in: dick, jason, tim, cass, damian, duke order of age: alfred, bruce, dick, cass, jason, tim, duke, damian (though cass and jason are around the same age general consensus is that cass is a little older)

I'm so confused Steph is a redhead?? like how was it that hard to get this right? the source material is literally right there and free

cw is jared, 19

do you receive anon hate? if so, how do you deal with it

uh no, i'm not remotely popular enough to get anon hate and i also don't say a lot of things that would attract anon hate, but i do send anon hate to @the-real-peter-parker because he forgot about the specialists from winx club

Wait how many languages do you speak??

uhh- 5 if you include latin, but that's a dead language and i'm really bad at it. but english, my native language, german, and french also, tho german and french not fluently.

You can mix aguaepanela with aguardiente 😈 and is tasty

okay but now i'm curious if the liquor deserves the 😈 emoji or if that's a you problem. but i googled it and it looks like something you'd take one sip of and then not remember the rest of your evening.

[kjosi]

God, the first episode of season 9 just hits in so many ways.... it’s so damn complicated , there is soo much going on it is definitely one of my favorite episodes cause everything is just balanced so well on a giant scale of fucked up, and characters being forced into corners, literally Sam was still ready to die even after he decided against dying to close the gates of Hell, and key words are the “Don’t bring me back so that no one else can get hurt” literally right after Sam as admitted to feeling like he’s failed Dean soo many times.

And of course Dean can’t have Sam just letting himself die like that, and honestly i don’t just see it as the “oh without Sam, Dean doesn’t know how to function” which is low key TRUE but... like he just heard Sam basically admit to wanting to die for a greater cause and not even seeming to doubt himself about it because when he went to confession to purify his blood for the Trials to cure Crowley, he basically spilled his guts about his failing of Dean as a brother and not being there for him, but then even when Dean comes to talk him out of it, after both of them are just recently imparted with the knowledge that completing the trials will result in Sam being DEAD... like of course Dean needs time to process, and he doesn’t care and Sam doesn’t care cause he’s just all like “so??” When he learns that this will cost him his life. But yet . YET he looks at Dean and just. Everything breaks.

He knows he doesn’t deserve this, he doesn’t deserve to die because his brother Dean was Wrong, he was wrong to make Sam feel so crappy all season after he having felt abandoned by Sam (you didnt look for me when I was in Purgatory??) , and their relationship is so fucked up, i mean reaching peak levels by now that Dean cant let Sam go, and Sam realized he didn’t really want to go, he still wants to live. But then EVEN THOUGH he doesn’t complete the trials, as if fucking Karma, he is going to die anyway. And Sam is at first like... wtf. And Dean just. Well.

And I remember all the lying and trying to not let Sam know, and feeling very guilty about everything, and I go back to this episode and I’m like. Yeah it’s done Sam a huge disservice also. He again was ready to die, but then he also made it very clear that a huge part of it, if not all of it, is still because he feels like he’s fucked up, and he’s tired of fucking up and disappointing the people he cares about (Dean) , and so he’s like okay. I guess I will just have to go .

But THEN.

Cue Dean (Gadreel) showing up in Sam’s mind and basically conveying everything Dean is trying to get across to him. Like. Basically it’s his way of apologizing to Sam and also ‘forgiving’ Sam (whether or not forgive is the Correct word, Sam probably needs to hear it like that at this point at least, cause he is the one who is still blaming himself),  and trying to show him that life is still worth fighting for. But then again also, showing us that there is no more Supernatural show, if one brother is to perma die.

Cue - Spn thesis statement in making the brothers do literally everything for each other as co-dependently as they possibly can: “There ain’t no me if there ain’t no you.”

And literally it was not like having Gadreel possess Sam was any kind of easy decision!!! He fought at Every Turn. Like what would you do when you have a freaking Angel offering you a solution, saying that there IS still a way to fix this. You stand there, bloody, beaten, exhausted and half out of your mind, Cas gone in the wind and you’re not going to give him up to his dick siblings under Any circumstances (hence the angelic beating) !!  And so you ask, how can you fix him? Okay. From the inside? Like a surgery? No. Possession?! Yes. No . No way he’ll agree to that.  Then Gadreel: well it was nice knowing you. Bye.

And Dean just can’t. He can’t. An opportunity is right there, RIGHT THERE to save him. So he starts to wonder. Consider it. But he knows that Sam wouldn’t say yes to Gadreel. He would say yes to Dean though, if Dean can save him. Sam WANTS to be saved. And I think this is just missed by so many takes idk, like yeah he says he was ready to die, but then explain the entire episode then?? Clearly those reasons for wanting to die were laid out already and he’s hardly convinced of it himself. But he tries.

And in front of Dean, he fails. Of course though, Sam saying yes to Gadreel is major fucked up because he doesn’t KNOW that was Gadreel. Like, jfc I didn’t even know that was Gadreel upon first watch. Legit I thought he was able to channel Dean in Sam’s mind somehow and then he would show Sam Gadreel and maybe explain the scenario like idfk. But it’s a difficult-ass decision. And we don’t exactly get to see how much of what just went down that Dean could actually Know and See, because that wasn’t him in Sam’s mind.

And in No Way is Dean satisfied with any of this. He doesn’t like keeping secrets. He hates it, he fucking hates it. He immediately is like okay, now we gotta tell Sam. Of course we have to tell Sam. Thanks buddy, I appreciate you trying to do your best with this, but I mean... dude Sam’s gotta know. Lmao.  and then Gadreel: Lmao, how about the fuck not?? What do you think Sam will do once he finds out?? He might eject me. He might fucking die. Do you REALLY wanna risk your brother’s life... again? For the third fucking time in one day??

And of course Dean is shook. Like... no. Wtf. They don’t hide things anymore. They can’t afford to. But now.... Dean can’t afford to NOT hide this. Sam can’t afford to know. At least for now.  And then of course, Gadreel takes his sweet fucking time healing Sam, but not for reasons unexplained. I mean... next episode, he smites the fuck out of demons that are bound to kill Sam at any moment. Demons that, as Dean acknowledge horribly afterward, are only roaming free because they didn’t go through with the trials. They didn’t go through with closing the gates of Hell. And because of the unwillingness of Dean to let go, no matter the reason, or if anyone else agreed or didn’t agree, now demons are roaming free. Abaddon is out there.  and Dean gets fed up with how long it seems to be taking  .  (very much noted that Gadreel literally saved human!Cas from literal actual Death two episodes later. And Dean didn’t even ask him to.

And then of course the mid-season finale with the fallout and Sam is so betrayed and hurt and just so upset at Dean’s lack of transparency and trust. When Dean says he is just poison, hurting everyone around him, and needs to just be far away from those he loves and cares about. He then retracts himself and sends himself away , gets approached by Crowley when he’s at this low point while stewing in his misery trying to track down Gadreel by himself and ... “so hey wanna help me hunt? To take down Abaddon? Yeah we’re gonna need this thing called the first blade , and to get that im gonna maniupulate you into obtaining the MOC from Cain his fucking Self.”

And of course that there decision right there sets the tone for the rest of the season and the entire next season as he deals with the consequences of his actions. And of course he didnt know the exact/ full risks of taking on the Mark at first because!! It was just “it comes with a great burden that you must bear” and then Dean of course thinking to himself: “A burden you say, haha, Well, what the fuck else is new. Lmao anyway. Okay i’ll take on the mark. Gets rid of Abaddon? No problem. At least this can help fix my mistake of not boarding up Hell when i had the chance: Sam was right, what else did we spend all last season trying to do in the first place?” And so it’s something that Dean can do to help mitigate the issues he finds himself in, but god oh God does the MOC just end up making things just THAT much worse.

[sleepless-in-starbucks]

14 (bodyguard AU) and 46 (blind date) sounds fun,,, your choice of ship ( ˘ ³˘)♥ ( ˘ ³˘)♥ ( ˘ ³˘)♥

14. Bodyguard AU || 46. Blind date

Random choice generator got me creativisleep!

~

roman's a semi-popular actor- he's never really been to an awards show, and he's not been in That much, but he had a small but strong role in a real popular film and plenty of leading ones in lesser known movies. he's got enough of a following to be satisfied with himself, even if it isn't That huge of one

because of this, roman didn't take the possible dangers of his fame seriously... until he got jumped by one fan at a play in his hometown. he came out fine (he's always fine ;p) but it made him reconsider his choice to not have some sort of protection

he ends up hiring remy to be his bodyguard, a choice he Slightly starts regretting when he realizes remy, despite having excellent marks out of bodyguard school, is about as professional as a golden retriever

they take roman's food out of his fridge Whenever, borrow Way too many of his shirts (and roman hasn't seen his BMC 'boyf riends' hoodie since they got their hands on it), and is never in typical bodyguard wear (they wore a suit for the interview and never again)

but they also bring roman coffee (when did they get his regular figured out...?), talk to him like he's just a Person and not a celeb, and have yet to try and kill him themself so. roman's alright with them staying

(plus, is it so wrong if roman enjoys how they look? he deserves for a bit of an eye-candy sorta bodyguard, damnit, they're with him all the time after all)

remy's been with roman as his bodyguard for a few months when roman decides he cant just keep Lookin at a pretty person, he deserves to have a pretty person to kiss and cuddle with too!! so he pokes around for a bit, finds a non-homophobic service (he's pan, so he could Technically use a plain ol' straight service, but he refuses on gay principle), and uses it

idk how datin apps work but this one that im makin up is a blind match up app, which takes ur information and uses it to randomly pair u up with random accounts. the app keeps account info privated until After the first date has been gone on, to really maintain the 'blind match' aspect. the matched up people play a mini guessing game through the app about places they can go for a date until location and time is determined

roman likes the idea of the app mostly to keep his own identity secret as long as possible- he doesnt want people pickin his account Just bc he's a celeb, y'know?

the first couple of blind dates dont go well tho... most are nice people who roman just isn't compatible with, one was a straight woman who spent the entire date being Very homophobic despite roman's rainbow heart + pan flag pins, and someone who was clearly Too Much Of A Fan (remy had to physically pull them off of roman and help him escape the park before they could latch back on)

oh, did roman not mention? remy's been coming on all his dates with him

because of course they are! they need to protect roman! whether that's by eating dinner in the booth over or sitting two rows back at the cinema or awkwardly half-stalkin roman and his date while they walk about

so they're always there, to bring roman there and take him home, and listen when he complains about the bad matches and lament the almost-winners, and convince him he is a catch that needs to try again because eventually Someone will realize he really is too good to pass up

(remy always says that line in a weird way)

so he keeps trying... until roman has possibly the worst date ever

because he gets stood up. it's fifteen minutes past the scheduled date time, he's gotten no text explainin where they are, but he's sittin at the restaurant alone and starting to become rather upset by the pitying look the server gives him when he says he's still waitin on someone else before he orders

remy slides into the seat across from him at the 20 minute mark. shoots roman an apologetic smile that an outsider would mistake as a 'sorry im late' one when roman knows it's a 'sorry they didnt show' one

roman appreciates the gesture to save him, but he almost just wants to go home at this point. he's tired and bein stood up feels like Shit, actually, and he's about ready to call off the whole dating thing really, dramatic as that may be (like it's not his middle name)

but remy says smth about this place having really good sandwiches, and it's clear they're tryin so hard to help roman out here, even a little, and roman can't just dismiss that effort, so he picks up his menu again and orders smth and tries to ignore the way his face heats up just the slightest at the relieved smile remy flashes next

lunch with remy is great, actually, better than it would've been with whoever couldnt be bothered to show or apologize or Anything. remy even knows the way to an ice cream shop on the way home, sayin it's for roman's 'broken heart' as they pay for it

except, well... roman's heart isn't feelin so broken anymore

it's actually feeling pretty put together. really functional. functioning really fast. especially when roman's looking at remy. or when remy's lookin at roman. or when they smile. or when they laugh. or when they speak. or when they-

roman doesn't fall asleep until 2am that night, heart still racing a bit, screaming into his pillow a bit as he acknowledges he is wholly and totally head-over-heels for his bodyguard

he tells remy the next day he's done with dating for a bit, saying he's still upset over being stood up. he doesn't mention that it's also bc remy's ruined all other people for him

things try to fall back in routine from there, but it's a bit harder when roman's trying to not be so in love with someone who just works for him. and remy's definitely started pickin up on it too- they had asked him just last if he was okay, that he didn't seem as upset by remy takin his clothes anymore, and that didn't seem like him, was he getting sick?

the opposite, actually, absolutely nothing makes me feel better then seeing you walk around in my shirt or jacket or whatever else, please never stop and also kiss me?

roman just said he was tired

eventually... roman decides this can't keep going on. remy's giving him more weird looks these days, and roman is pretty sure being around remy so much without Any kisses is starting to cause brain decay (it's not, it's really not, remy always bein on his mind is just a side effect of.... pretti........). so, he takes matters into his own hands

admittedly, maybe firing remy wasn't the best way to go, given remy immediately demands to know why, what they did wrong, even asking if roman's being blackmailed into this

"blink once for yes, twice for no" remy asks, lowering the sunglasses they always have on to look directly at roman's eyes

roman doesn't blink for a full minute. he might not be breathing for that minute either. has he ever seen remy's eyes this close? has he ever seen them at all? they're such a brilliant shade of brown. roman could drown in them. he might be already

roman's pretty sure he started this conversation standing up, but maybe not, because when he finally blinks and remembers things outside of remy's eyes exist he's sitting down and remy looks extremely concerned

"okay... what's wrong, hun?" they ask, and oh no, they look so sad, and worried, and that's not good, roman should fix that right now, regardless of whatever he was doing before (he's forgotten)

"im gay" he responds intelligently. this will fix everything

remy, however, just looks confused. "yes?"

"for you" roman adds, helpfully, sure that Now remy will understand they're just really very pretty and nothing's wrong and if they feel bad still they should look in a mirror because then they'll be good again

now it's remy's turn to sit in silence, expression frozen in one of shock. they still havent put their sunglasses back on, so roman doesnt mind, bc this gives him more time to stare at remy's eyes

"you're having a breakdown because you're gay for me???" remy finally asks, expression unfreezing to look incredulous and a little hurt

roman returns a similar look. "im not having a breakdown!"

remy scoffs. "yeah, sure, right, that's why you suddenly froze and completely stopped breathing and minorly collapsed after i... look off my shades to look at you..." they suddenly break out in a smirk. "oh my gods, you're a gay disaster"

roman doesn't try to deny it, especially with the knowledge he apparently did stop breathing to admire remy's eyes. they have a point

"how long?"

"since that date you hijacked after i got stood up" roman admits. he finds it extraordinarily rude when remy starts laughing

...until they're pulling out their phone, hurriedly opening up the exact same dating app roman had been using, showing a log of all the dates they had planned- there's only one marked as having actually been attended

same date time and place of the one where roman had assumed he had been stood up

"you broke my heart!" roman says as remy puts away their phone, over-dramatically, not actually giving a damn, just feeling gay and a bit giddy at the thought remy hadnt gone to any of the other dates, just theirs

no longer worried quite as much about roman for the moment, remy's smirk just grows, smoothly moving from being crouched in front of roman to being set firmly in his lap, lazily brushing hair out of his eyes and wow was remy always this warm? and stunning? and perfect?

"i dunno babe... sounds more like i stole it" remy teases, movin from playing with roman's hair to cuppin his cheek, leaning in close and not even bothering to pretend to be looking at anything other than roman's lips. "which, yeah, bad bodyguard etiquette... i hope you can forgive me..."

roman doesn't need his words to answer that tease