Tumgik
#ill fix this up (someday (maybe))
sotanghonn · 2 months
Text
Tumblr media
307 notes · View notes
mangotelevision · 3 months
Text
i'm back in my katemau feels
154 notes · View notes
dremiruu · 7 months
Text
Tumblr media
babygirl doodles
20 notes · View notes
Text
babe wake up androgynouspenguinexpert posted another character analysis from the train during her finals week because she's banned herself from drawing anything new
its time to tackle vega, because he's cool.
all of the characters carry a unique narrative theme or motif - the importance of self worth for gavin, impostor syndrome for asher, consent and control for marcus, etc. vega's theme is one of, if not my favourite: nature vs nurture, learned behaviour, and the morality of necessary evil.
vega doesn't start out as a moustache-twirling villain, but he's certainly hurting people for selfish reasons. however - the line between right and wrong starts to blur even across vega's first few appearances. as he points out himself later, vega has essentially created a closed loop of suffering to feed from. yeah, he got someone roofied and kidnapped, which is bad, but he's limited his victims to two people. ivan and baby. there's even a case to be made about baby's safety - ivan is volatile and incredibly dangerous (breaking either glass or ceramic with his bare hands???), but we never see him physically harm baby other than restraining them.
vega's age (pin this) has granted him an incredible level of experience and therefore intellect. he's probably the smartest piece on the board right now, save maybe for brachium (but he's sort of on a board of his own anyway). vega knows exactly what he is. he feeds on suffering and agony, and there's nothing that can change that. equipped with this knowledge, vega has managed to streamline the production of agony without really getting his hands dirty, and basically guaranteed the survival of both people involved.
then in comes caelum. he accidentally discovers vega's operation, and immediately runs to freelancer for help. vega proceeds to kick the shit out of caelum for snitching, and almost kills him. again, this is bad. i'm definitely not defending vega's actions here - but think of it from his point of view: he's set up a way of passively producing agony and is minding his own business. a daemon who is 24 (at time of writing) stumbles across this, and immediately threatens to shut it down as well as get him arrested. that's like a toddler walking in on a meth lab and running to the cops. vega probably could drop everything and relocate to avoid the department, but that would take a lot more time and effort than just soccer kicking the toddler over a fence. so he tries, and fails, because gavin steps in. gavin being able to overpower vega - despite being potentially hundreds of thousands of years younger - speaks to the inefficiency of vega's agony system, and he's smart enough to be well aware of that. agony (in a relatively nice part of california, anyway) isn't really a renewable resource like lust or joy are. harming someone, whether physically or otherwise, enough to fuel vega for any significant amount of time would either permanently damage or kill that person. that's not sustainable.
and then vega gets arrested. the human government asks a being probably older than civilisation to pinkie promise he'll stay in a little concrete box for a while. vega explains later that he doesn't believe in unnecessary violence - unless he decides that it is necessary, i guess - so he probably went along with his arrest fairly peacefully. there's another analysis in here somewhere about where (or from whom...?) the department learned its containment methods, considering they haven't really figured out aria yet.
but anyway - vega gets tossed into maximum security. and even from behind the ward, he's finding subtle (and less subtle) ways to stir the pot, especially with his new department-assigned therapist (another quick aside that's too good for the tags; did anyone else find it super fucking funny that vega's first real friend on elegy is his therapist?). i think vega feels neutral about elegy, leaning ever so slightly towards liking it, but he knows what he is. a demon. vega never was, and never will be, human. that's why he never audibly speaks (which is a fantastic detail) - he's rejecting the most basic form of modern human communication. language. yes, he knows english, but he's probably never spoken a single word out loud. vega's fear of daemons growing away from their roots is also why he starts testing for cracks in the warden's façade - he's worried that daemons are starting to assimilate a little too much. they're losing their identity as a separate species, and losing sight of the sacrifices made during the cacophony. and he's right - the cacophony has entirely faded into myth. his suffering and loss has now been turned into a fable; a cautionary tale about dealing with forces beyond our control.
next is the escape, which is both interesting and sick as hell. vega proves that he's not a fan of violence for the sake of violence by mincing some solitaires, tossing an unconscious warden over his shoulder, and escaping the detention facility. this is vega's first real selfless action. he definitely could have left the warden to the solitaires, but chooses to save them because of their compassion towards him. this shows a little of vega's internal struggle - he's never been around unconditional like, let alone love, because he doesn't need to. he needs to be unlikeable. manipulative. cutthroat. these are the things that keep him safe, but more importantly fed. we know from his imperium counterpart (who will eventually be getting a post of his own) that vega wants to be wanted. as much as he denies it and dodges the topic when it's brought up, vega is not intrigued by the warden because he can toy with them. he's drawn to them because they're willing to understand. they're hesitant, but for now they're giving vega the benefit of the doubt. he's never been given that before.
he also starts to wear down the warden's already fragile sense of morality with the kidnapped department officer. although his methods are very questionable, vega is correct again when he explains that he doesn't really have a choice. he won't hurt the guard, and the guard can't hurt him or the warden, but will keep spewing out hate that vega can feed on for the forseeable future. he's killing two birds with one stone as well - the warden is an inchoate. it's far easier for vega to track down (read: kidnap) one racist than to juggle the emotional intake of two people.
i don't think vega is just trying to break the warden out of their department mould for the sake of shenanigans, nor does he want to return to the glory days - vega knows that humanity and daemonkind are now inseperable after the imprisonment of the sovereigns.
he just doesn't want daemons - genuinely good people trying to make the best of a not fantastic situation - to lose sight of what they are. what they used to be. not anarchists, or pawns for the department. starchildren.
forgive me. i tend to wax poetic.
34 notes · View notes
splatter-draws · 1 year
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
i needed to get this out of my system before i went to bed
source post:
Tumblr media
38 notes · View notes
selfspinninglies · 11 months
Note
I saw ur post abt sketch ideas and I thought it would be cool to see a cyberpunk Donatello in your sketch style. I know you have your Donnie character too but I think it would be a fun sketch to draw a Donnie that’s explicitly cyberpunk. Like stupidly cyberpunk. Like massive gun and robot leg cyberpunk. Going completely nuts with it.
Tumblr media
I'm sorry this took so long hdjskn but here they are ! I tried because the thing is I have no idea how to draw robot shit so this is all extremely simplified . I love byte though they're so silly and of course my brain already has a story for nem kind of . It's really loose but for some reason I imagined this as a bad future au . this was really fun though also I am kind of obsessed with their design he's criminally fun to draw and also a little shit <3
[they/he + any neos]
31 notes · View notes
marsbotz · 4 months
Text
Tumblr media
BIG things happening right now
2 notes · View notes
oh-cramity-its-amity · 6 months
Text
sometimes i think about it, yk? as cringe as it sounds i really do think about it.
cringe warning yippeee- (just me texting abt dumb silly writing idea AUGH)
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
6 notes · View notes
britneyshakespeare · 9 months
Text
I love drawing in charcoal because when you're in the beginning of a work, instead of looking like something reasonable it's perfectly acceptable and natural for them to look like this
Tumblr media
#does that look like anybody you know#tales from diana#(c'est moi)#i was trying to redraw brian protheroe (the same pic of him as edward iv i sketched roughly--and p badly--last month)#in charcoal. bc my mom got me charcoal PENCILS for christmas instead of sticks of vine#which were what i really needed. i dont like to use pencils hardly at all#it was an utter failure. i started off by just trying to do the basic contours of his face + neck + the crown#and then after about 20-30 minutes when i had an ok start i was like ill take a break to refresh my head#went away from it for like an hour. and was like why dont i just try it w the vine#i thought i would improve it. and i suppose i could've if i had REALLY tried#but i was exaggerating the proportions and making the worse while trying to fix them. everything got larger#and i was essentially erasing EVERYTHING i started with while i was trying to even them out#so i just gave up. lol#a girl has learned to quit while she's ahead. and she learned the hard way.#but i wasn't happy to just leave off that drawing a failure wo any plans to do something else#so i went looking through my photos on my phone and found a pic from nov. 2022 that i was going to use#as a reference pic for a figure drawing assignment that i was going to use. but my professor allowed me to draw#my grandmother instead of myself. so i never did that dramatic self-portrait assignment. i did a dramatic grandmother portrait#but i did like the dramatic-lighting picture i took of myself well enough and figured i would draw it someday#im just leaving this as a started picture for now. this wasnt much work at all maybe like 15 minutes#it's an ok start.#bc of the fucked up nature of forming a charcoal drawing i have to admit i usually like my progress pictures more than my final works. lol#like they just have a sort of monstruous edge to them. lol
5 notes · View notes
pepprs · 2 years
Text
the bull smashing plates in my brain right now.
#dangerously mentally ill atm. about to snap and start screaming and crying hysterically in the middle of meetings.#purrs#it’s fine btw i just need to be honest and i need to ask for comfort and accept it. but i fucking can’t. but i need to and i have to so hel#me god except nothing is going to make up for not getting to be held at b*rth so……. lol. like you can’t just ask people for that. but it’s#the way that i need to be married so bad so i can finally be normal. im completely serious. i need to be married. being someone’s number on#will fix me. and i also need to not have k*ds i think bc mike birbiglias the new one special made me SO deeply angry and upset and i can’t#even take it. like i think maybe no one in love should have kids ever again. i truly believe that. if you can’t give a kid your deepest tru#truest love then it fucks them up for life and if you can do that then it erodes the relationship you have with your partner so. basically#wish i didn’t exist kinda. and i wish none of the good things in my life had happened to me because it gave me hope for things that can’t a#actually happen and i have just been delusional about someday being healed all this time. i will be wounded and alone forever and i want to#go lie in the trench they’re digging in the backyard about it 💃🏻🥳#delete later#i just want to play wobboedogs on the switch and forget i am a human being. that’s all. that’s literally it#cominng back to this a couple weeks later um this was one of the most mentally ill posts i have ever made in my life. sorry 😚✌️ x
2 notes · View notes
toastsnaffler · 4 months
Text
ahh.. I have tickets for a small music festival tmr which I went to last year + had a whale of a time but this year theres only like 2 artists I wanted to see but they released the schedule a couple days ago and neither are playing before 9:30pm. since I don't live local anymore I'd have to leave to travel back home around that time or I'd miss the last train... and there's not rly anywhere I can crash overnight there (and I was planning on going alone anyway like I did last year). so I think im gonna have to let this one pass me by :-(
#its not the end of the world like theyre not artists i LOVE love just ones i know and like a few tracks of#last year i had so much fun bc one of the artists there was an all time fave of mine. but yeah im not missing out on that this year#but its still a shame. i miss living there and being able to walk to gigs to easily like the music scene was so up my street!!#and i was kind of looking forward to it. but i shouldve planned it further in advance if i was serious abt going#i just didnt think theyd BOTH play so late???? i swear they had an earlier schedule last year#i guess i could just go and mill around some of the shows earlier in the day even tho ive skimmed most of them on spotify and theyre-#not rly my thing. sigh#im v tired + starting to feel quite sad this evening for some specific reasons i dont really want to think much about bc it is what it is#so its hard to imagine going out and having fun tomorrow. maybe ill just aim to get my chores done instead and see how i feel after that#i might fix my bike up and check the other local climbing gym out bc i havent visited that one before and itd be nice to mix it up#and i need to go out on the bike at some point this weekend so i dont build up anxiety abt it after yesterdays crash. hmm#man. its hard trying to do things solely for my own enjoyment sometimes. im usually pretty ok at making myself do it#and im grateful that i am! but i think im just feeling quite lonely. and not in a way where being around other people rly helps#like its more of a core thing. i feel kind of unseen by people in my life at the moment and that makes me feel like im not quite real#and i dont really know what to do about that. i think its why im still on my discord hiatus i just dont really have anything to say rn#ive felt this intermittently throughout a lot my life i think. but most of the time i can distract myself from it enough not to notice it#and i put the effort in socially regardless + usually when im in the moment it doesnt matter. but the stretches inbetween those moments..#its not unbearable and i dont feel that depressed at the moment either. just a bit lost i guess. i know itll pass eventually#but yeah it just keeps nudging up against me bc im feeling every little misunderstanding and slight quite keenly atm#ahh.. well its okay. ive never really needed much anyway im good at taking care of myself and thats enough to get by#ill do something nice for myself this weekend one way or another. im gonna go take a long shower rn i think and then read a bit#ah and i said i didn't rly want to think about it! but i guess i did... well i feel like i exist a little more for typing it out anyway#okay yes shower time now :-)#.diaries#maybe someday ill have ppl in my everyday life who i do feel seen + safe around. a girl can dream.. i have a lot of work to do before then
0 notes
technicolorxsn · 1 year
Text
I really hate the rain
0 notes
pizzapizzadickz · 2 years
Text
I feel a lil bit better today after getting some rest in. I always feel better when I can spend a day at home. I think tomorrow I'll wear my noise cancelling headphones or something so I can chill even more.
...funny how my way to chill is just trying to eliminate all external stimuli
(Pt 1 for description rant)
#diary#personal#i rly wanna book a therapy appointment but im having a rly hard time trying to get myself to do that bc i need to check i can vid call#cuz my computer monitor is broke and havent fixed it yetttt ugh.#i rly feel like researching autism again. idk. i saw a video about communication badges being used at furry conventions#and by god that sounds so fun ;-; like. i really struggle with interaction with others and talking is sometimes really hard.#mainly bc if theres a lot of noise i usually wanna block it out and if i gotta take my earbuds out to comunicate all the time its not fun#idk. i just wish i could go around writting shit out for ppl to read and thats that. no need to speak to clerks or crap.#bc imma be honest. i have a hard time hearing too. like in crowded places. its so overwhelming all the time.#its both a good and a bad thing that im giving myself the permission to be overwhelmed in situations#but its also making it much more difficult to actually be in those situations.#idk. i used to force myself through it. tell myself i like it or whatever. but by god everything just hurts nowadays#like. i dont like leaving my house mostly bc of the sensory overload.#i wonder how things'll change in the future. just how much more accepting will i and society be. i dont know.#but i hope i learn to cope more. bc life is really hard and imma be honest im struggling at best.#idk. i find it so hard to work lately. i love my thoughts. they are so fluid. and just. language doesnt keep up.#everything i say or write isnt quite right. and it bothers me. i sorta wished telepathy existed just soley so i could comunicate#idk maybe someday ill learn sign language. and maybe that could help. but it wouldnt help when im shut down. or having a meltdown#yknow. i find face to face human to human contacr really scary. i worry theyll want to do something and i wont#i worry i wont be able to get across my reasoning as to why. i worry that theyll see just how odd my behaviour can be.#and above all i just sorta worry they wont work with me to meet me halfway. like. im stuck with my family i dont want that with friends too#i hope if i visit them itll be okay. that like. i wont cause a problem or accidentally offend them or something?#idk. i wanna make friends n hang out. but as ive gotten older ive discovered just how much i hate that.#like i saw a rly cool tik tok about how they set up their home for all their autistic friends when they come over.#like. its established you can just stop talking and remove urself if you wanna. and theres stim toys n plushies n shit. and low lighting#and just. that sounds like heaven. i struggle so much in social situations. bc i eventually get tired.#and it makes me feel sorta burnt out/depressed. so itd be nice if i could just remove myself from a stituation whenever.#or just lay my head down on someones lap and silently observe.#i wish i knew what to do when i get overwhelmed in public. bc it happens a lot. and i freeze. and idk what to do.#and ill cry and get overwhelmed and shutdown or meltdown. and i start to aimlessly wander and its sorta dangerous tbh?
1 note · View note
Note
Is shattering permanent in the comic (especially with the force fusions and cluster) or can it be fixed down the line like future did? Asking for your opinion on this too bc I found out about it in Future and it makes me feel weird (bc now it feels like any SU stuff and shattering has no consequence or tension, so haven’t been able to read or write stories). Maybe I’m seeing this wrong? Would love your thoughts
Tumblr media
Hmm...
So to answer your first question: The comic for WDAU works on the same rules as canon does. I have no intention to over-write anything canon clearly stated to be true.
The ability to put back together shattered gems is definitely a part of that.
So yes, theoretically, even in WDAU, gems being shattered is not 'the end' because they can be eventually re-instated through the work of the diamonds, IF they someday decide to Change Their Minds like they did in the original series.
Tumblr media
That being said...
I want to talk a little bit about something you said, because it tickles my brain in an interesting way:
"now it feels like any SU stuff and shattering has no consequence or tension"
And the best way to talk about stuff, I've found, is to ask questions about our underlying assumptions. So my questions for you (all) today are:
For us humans, death certainly IS a constant that remains ever-permanent, and thus it's easy to compare it to shattering and draw that parallel... but is that a fair comparison?
In fiction, death is often circumvented and there still remains reasonable tension in things like magic-heavy worlds, vampire novels, sci-fi where almost any sickness is eradicated, etc. Is this not quite similar to what shattering is for gems?
Is the perceived permanency of shattering the only reason it feels like a heavy consequence?
Are there OTHER consequences of being shattered that make it just as interesting, if not more than, to be explored as a plot device?
Must there be an ever-looming threat of something horrible and permanent happening to make a story good?
There isn't a right or wrong answer to these questions, necessarily. I'm not posing these in order to lead you to a singular, 'absolutely correct' conclusion or way of writing.
For some stories, death DOES need to be permanent in order not to make light of what the characters go through! In some forms of writing, there IS no other way around that consequence.
But I daresay SU is not one of those stories.
Let me put it this way - 100 years ago, medicine had only BEGUN to develop into the thing we know it as today. Sure, there were therapies and treatments for diseases, broken limbs, poisonings, etc. Some of them were quite good, even! But overall, the death tolls back then from basic illness were MUCH higher than they were today.
Pnumonia, Malaria, Syphillis, Smallpox, Bubonic Plague, AIDS.
These were things that people died from, with near CERTAINTY, for the LONGEST time. They were considered the road to a permanent black screen.
And today? Even though they are still, without proper intervention, JUST as deadly, we now have new tools and vaccines to combat them. Hell, if you get vaccinated fast enough you can get bit by a rabid dog and live to tell the tale, unscathed! Rabies used to be a one-stop-shop to the afterlife.
Despite this, we still view these diseases with appropriate fear. They are still dangerous - in the right conditions.
In the right conditions, the consequences for a LOT of things can be permanent. If permanency is what you're looking for.
So alright, the Diamonds can heal shattered gems now. Booooring. How easy it is to fix any shattered gem! What a simple solution to anything tragic.
But................... will they ALWAYS do so?
In fact...will the Diamonds ALWAYS be around?
Will the gems who got shattered always be picked up, piece by piece, and be brought back to them, perfectly preserved? Or will they lose pieces of themselves along the way - literally?
And what NEW consequences can we think of, when we stop thinking of the permanency of death, and start thinking of the Impermanence of those tools that keep us here longer and longer?
Just food for thought. 👀
301 notes · View notes
johnwickb1tsch · 6 months
Text
bittersweet ~ a yandere!John Wick x fem!reader sunshine/grump coffee shop AU... Part 28 all chapters
Tumblr media
⚠⚠Trigger warning: mention of past terminated pregnancy, NOT Reader. If details of this will bother you skip the section that starts with “One day he lets you sit in as he repairs a tattered copy of The Wind In The Willows.” You can pick up again at “-He gives you run of the house.”  I’ll give you the brief gist of the plot point in the end notes.  Also mention of possible suicide, NOT Reader.
-As he prepares dinner you sit at the island, you are enjoying a glass of wine and watching him cook. His hands are like poetry, no matter the task at hand. He is slicing peppers, and offers you a piece from across the island. After your previous experience, you should be wary accepting any tidbit that color from this man, but in an act of trust you take it, your lips brushing the tips of his fingers.
It is sweet and crisp and juicy between your teeth, and you sigh to yourself.
This is what you could have had, all along.
Watching you with a small smile, he twirls the knife in his hand absently like it is an extension of his body.
You do not take it as a threat. He simply seems…content, and you wonder if you dare trust any of this at face value.
He goes back to cooking, and you watch him with your wine in hand. It is a tasty Cabernet from Chilé, and maybe you shouldn’t drink too much of it, but then again…what do you have to lose at this point?
Your eyes cast around the cavernous room while John bustles at the stove. The scene is so domestic you could cry, because you realize this is what you’d hoped to share with him before it all went to hell.
You cast your eyes down, to find the razor-sharp Japanese paring knife is now sitting in the middle of the island by the cutting board, easily within reach.
It's really the first mistake he's made in the keeping of you, since he let his guard down enough to let you whomp him with War and Peace.
You stare at it, thinking.
Is it an opportunity? What exactly would you do with it, that would achieve any sort of useful end? It hits you like a ton of bricks for some reason, when you realize that despite what he’s done to you, you have zero interest in hurting John.
You hadn’t even liked hitting him with a book.
The thought of stabbing him makes you physically ill.
Frowning at the thought, you cross your arms and sit back on the stool, glaring at the thing as though it had called you a filthy name.
Belatedly, you realize John is watching you from over at the stove.
It wasn’t a mistake.
It was a test.
You transfer your glare to him as he approaches, picking up the tiny but potentially deadly blade.
He says nothing, just washes and dries it before replacing it in the knife block, not the locked drawer.
You guess you passed.
-Later, over dinner, he asks, “Why didn't you pick it up?” 
“Because the thought of hurting you makes me sick.”
He actually smirks at you. “That’s nice to hear.”
You’re not sure if he’s baiting you on purpose, but your temper starts to rise. So much for a quiet evening.
“That’s not how I’m going to get out of here,” you declare, feeling brave.
Or stupid.
Hearing this amuses him heartily.
“Yeah?”
“Someday, you're going to let me go, because you'll realize it's the right thing to do.” 
He leans his elbows on the table, fixing you with that dark stare that pins you in your seat. “I already told you, kitten, I'm never going to let you go.” He says it sweetly this time, but you sense he is still absolutely serious in his conviction.
-The week that follows is a series of halcyon days, filled with the affection and attention from Mr. Wick that you'd craved all along. Something has shifted in him, and you're still not sure exactly what, or how to make it stay.
 You cook meals together in the mornings and evenings. He teaches you things about haute cuisine and international dishes that you'd never had any inkling or access to. The things you make for dinner some nights you've only heard of on tv or in magazines. He's tasted these things in their original countries, and tells you what stories he can, that don't involve disclosing the details of multiple homicides committed for astronomical pay.
You know he must be showing off for you. A man with a waistline like that does not eat like this regularly. A small part of you dares to wonder, is he actually trying to woo you?
You fill your days with time in the studio, and with him.
The brightly colored Dolce and Gabbana sundresses you’d coveted in Italy mysteriously start appearing at the foot of the bed every day. Floral prints in pink and red, and bright majolica-inspired designs with yellow acanthus curls and blue accents, as well as the dreamy azure and white azulejo tile patterns. You marvel at what he spent, to lay these at your feet. You don’t even care that he’s picking out your outfits, dressing you like a feminine doll—because they make you happy. You even go so far as to wear them in your studio, not caring if you get a smudge of paint or pastel on the brightly printed fabric. What does it matter now?
What does anything matter?
-One day he lets you sit in as he repairs a tattered copy of The Wind In The Willows. You discover he likes old children’s books best and he has dozens on his shelves. Something about missing out on a real childhood of his own, you reckon, and undoubtedly the artistry that went into them.
This is the day he tells you that he was almost a father himself once. That when he’d been a foolish young man (his words), he’d fallen in love with one of the ballerinas at the school for assassins where he’d been raised. When the inevitable this led to that with hormone-charged youths with no access to birth control, they planned to run away together.
He’d wanted nothing more at that time, but to just live a simple life with his little family. He just knew in his heart, that the baby would be a girl. He’d already named her, Irina, his little Irinushka. But the night they meant to leave they were intercepted by the other students, and separated by The Director of the school. Tatiana was forced to terminate her pregnancy, because a principal ballerina bearing baby weight was of no use to The Theater at all.
When finally they were allowed to see each other young fire-eyed Jardani wanted to try to leave again. He was willing to kill anyone who got in their way this time, brothers or not. But Tatiana was changed, a shadow of the girl he’d known, and she refused to go with him. She said it had all been a stupid mistake, and he heard the Director’s indoctrination echoing through his lover’s mouth. She began numbing her pain with pills, and wouldn’t stop, despite his pleading. She pushed him away, and a year later she died in a car crash during a mission running drugs across the city. John never knew if it had been an accident, or if she’d given up to the sorrow eating at her heart.
He tells you all this in quiet, almost impersonal tones as he weaves the kettle stitch binding on the book, as though it happened to someone else. The man he had been, you suppose, this Jardani Jovonovich. You imagine what he must have been like as a young man. You suspect he must have been heartbreakingly beautiful, and probably could have had women eating out of his palm and tucking their panties into his pocket at every turn.
Yet, all he’d really wanted was his little ballerina, and his baby Irinushka.
He did leave The Theater soon after, to become the notorious Baba Yaga, the infamous assassin John Wick who could kill three men with naught but a pencil. You listen to all this with horror and tears in your eyes, feeling as though your own heart has been run through a shredder, understanding even further exactly why this steadfast man finally cracked to pieces.
You doubt your own state of mind could have fared so well, for so long.
-He gives you run of the house, reasoning correctly that you won’t be able to get past the locks and bulletproof windows anyway. One day, when you cannot find him, you wander into the garage.  He is tinkering with his motorcycle, in a grease stained white t-shirt and ratty jeans that cross the wires in your brain a little. 
The sight of the machine fills your heart with what is perhaps an irrational amount of hope.
“Can we go for a ride?” you ask, thinking of that perfect day you once spent together. You have not been outside once since returning to Clear Forks, though you can tell from looking out the window that you've had a series of beautiful sunny days. They’re a thing not to be wasted in the mountains; fall will come quickly, and then winter before you can blink.
“Not today, sweetheart,” he sighs, actually sounding apologetic, wiping his hands on a rag.
You pout silently, but do not push the issue. You are learning to pick your battles. If you keep poking here and prodding there, someday, you will find a weakness to exploit. You must be patient.
When he is sweet to you, patience is not so difficult to come by. You know that is dangerous, but not quite what to do about it.   
The garage is a massive space, and you take the opportunity to look around. You should be scoping out possible tools for escape, but mostly...you're just curious. 
Is he succeeding in training you? You ask yourself this with what should be an alarming amount of detachment.
Looking past the Land Rover in the middle bay, you see something underneath a cover. Feeling emboldened by his mild mood that day, you walk over to peek underneath. 
The sight makes a quiet exclamation slip from your lips. 
“Is this the car?”
It is a matte gray Mustang with subtle black racing stripes. You don't know much about classic cars, but it looks fast as hell. 
“The car?”
You turn to find he is directly behind you. You didn't hear or sense him move at all. You wonder belatedly if maybe this is a sore spot you should have left well alone. 
“Um...never mind.”
“It's OK. You like classics?” 
“I...guess? It’s very pretty.”
He pulls off the cover, unveiling the machine in all its glory. “It’s a ’69 Boss 429. 375 horsepower, 450 pound-foot of torque.” 
You smile, having no inkling what that really means, but you can tell it makes him happy. 
“Can we take this for a ride?”
Luckily, he just chuckles at your transparency. 
“Maybe.” It would be harder for you to escape from a car, than from off the back of the bike, after all. He kisses your forehead, not replacing the cover, before going back to the bike. 
Somewhat heartened, you wander back up to your studio.
-On the third day, you start to dream about Helen.
It’s actually nothing new for you, communing with the dead through your dreams. You’ve never really thought it more than your own overactive imagination, visiting with your grandmother or your great uncles, even sometimes an old boyfriend who had since passed away. But this feels like something more, and frankly, it gives you the creeps.
At first, you are simply sitting together, an uncomfortable silence between the two of you. You can hardly blame her—you are fucking her husband, after all, if not entirely of your own choice.
But one night, she comes to you in a field of daisies. Extending one to you, she offers you a tired if not slight smile. There is a pleading in her caramel-colored eyes, and maybe regret too. She only says two words. “I’m sorry.” You wake with the haunted feeling that she knows she made him into this version of himself with the trauma of her loss, but she’s still passing the keeping of him on to you.
What does she want you to do? Save him? You start to cry quietly to yourself, because the dangerous man who was her husband is laying asleep behind you with his arms tight around you like you are his teddy bear, and you don’t know how.
.
.
Author’s note: The general gist of the TW section was that young John/Jardani and one of the ballerinas became pregnant and were going to run away from the Tarkovsky theatre. But they got caught and The Director wouldn’t allow it. She separated them, made Ballerina terminate the pregnancy, and Ballerina died the next year possibly of suicide.  Obviously, this left an impression on John.
176 notes · View notes
sturnzyolo · 3 months
Text
Tumblr media
Shadows
Matt Sturniolo x fem reader
Warnings: fluff, swearing, a little eerie scenery, crying, stress, bullying mention, comfort, anxiety, and slight obsession (anything else will be added in later parts)
slight summary/teaser: reader feels a significant connection to a particular classmate of hers, her teacher's favorite student. One day, when on her way home, she hears something.
⚠️ my first ever fic so don't hate if it's absolute shit although I take honors english + I will NOT be writing any smut, (sorry u horndoggaroonies) bc I believe my digital footprint is terrible as is, so. let's not add onto it!
(This part is mainly created on my computer so if anything's fucked up ill fix it on my phone)
PART 1
3rd person POV?
Matt didn't understand why he was so favored in his calculus class, he wasn't a nerd, although he seemed like one with his glasses and button-ups. It wasn't like he got every answer right, no not at all. He barely even paid attention in class, his mind wanders instead.
Mr. Robinson has always been overly kind to Matt, he would have him stay after class or during passing period just to talk about how Matt was doing. Matt would constantly get a run down about Mr. Robinson's son having terrible anxiety. Maybe that's why he was so easy on Matt and favorited him, he most likely just reminded his teacher of his son, which seems more like pity. Matt usually would find this behavior odd, most teachers didn't even know Matt was in their class til he asked to go to the nurse, bathroom, office, or if there was any group project, he'd always be picked last by some group who didn't have enough members.
He noticed y/n looking at him in class, only from time to time of course, he found it weird how someone could be paying attention to him, then again he just thought she was making fun of him in her head.
Bullying wasn't like it was in the movies, for Matt, it was just whispers and stares. Kids would laugh as he passed, most called him the teacher's pet if they shared calculus with him. He mainly stuck to himself, somedays he didn't even show up, if it was just staying at home to do work online or going to an early therapy session.
Y/N POV
May 13th, 2024
(let's pretend their 18, in their senior year in 2024)
A dreadful Monday morning, Matt was wearing a collared white and blue striped button up with dark tan cargo pants. I watched him walk up to his seat in calculus class, nobody spoke to him except Mr. Robinson, giving an overly cheerful, "Goodmorning Matthew" as he headed in. Matt only muttered a tired "morning" as he threw his backpack next to his desk and leaned into his chair while he sat.
Class went as normal throughout his lecture. Honestly, I could've fallen asleep, for once I understood the material, so I found paying attention quite useless.
"Matthew what's the answer to page 347 question 9?" Mr. Robinson said abruptly
I practically jumped out of my seat, he never called on Matt, and I was shocked he finally did. I looked over to see Matt, knocked completely out of his daze, I guess he didn't expect the sudden call out either.
Matt fiddled with his pencil nervously as Mr. Robinson waited for an answer, yet he was only met with "Um's" and "Uh's" out of Matt.
I kicked Matt's ankle gently, I covered my mouth loosely as I whispered the answer, which I had to quickly figure out. I felt awkward in the moment just watching it, so I couldn't bare it lasting any longer.
Matt nervously repeated my words with stumbles, which I was even shocked that it was correct. Mr. Robinson seemed proud with a nod and a slight smile "Correct, amazing work Matthew"
Even with the praise he still seemed nervous, he was still anxious from the awkward occurance that had all the eyes laid onto him.
He turned back to me slightly, whispering a soft "thank you" before he sat up and tried to compose himself
"No problem" I said back quietly, although my voice was practically a loud speaker to Mr. Robinson, who almost instantly snapped his cold gaze towards me
"Ms. Y/L/N stop the talking back there or you're going to the office" he demanded in a very threatening tone
I never left it alone whenever I was unfairly called out, Mr. Robinson knew this, and I swear he did it to get a rise out of me.
"Sir I wasn't even talking!" I called out
"Well you are now so zip it or you're out." He argued
I scoffed "You always target me, I barely even opened my mouth sir, besides you shouldn't talk to a student that way if you're always pushing us to respect you when you don't even return it!" I don't know why I argued, it's pointless and I knew that
"I can talk to you however I like, get out of my class!" He yelled. I sighed and packed my things before throwing my bookbag over my shoulder and walked straight out of class. I gave Mr. Robinson a glare but he wasn't even looking, I dont know what I did for him to hate me but love Matt.
I stepped out into the hallway and slumped down the wall midway to the office, I didn't want to go. Besides nobody would even notice or care. I heard the classroom swing open, I quickly stood up thinking it was Mr. Robinson. But it wasn't.
Matt came out instead, "why's he out here" I thought, I decided it was a perfect chance to finally speak to him
"Shit you scared me, I thought you were the teacher" I said as I looked at him with a slight smile
"Oh sorry I didn't mean to scare you, uhm but thank you again for helping me back there with the question." Matt said lowly in somewhat of a nervous mumble
"No worries, I could tell you looked a bit lost. So why does Mr. Robinson favor you so much out of everybody, I was just curious." I finally was ready to hear the answer, I always thought they maybe were related somehow but then again it didn't seem like it and the school would separate them anyway.
"Uh well I think it's cause I remind him of his son, I barely even know the answer to that. I find it just as weird as everybody else does, people think I'm a teachers pet because of it." He admitted as he nervously tugged as his clothes, which I noticed.
"Oh, well I should probably go to the office since Mr. Robinson's most likely going to call them and ask if I showed up, bye matt, I'll see you in class" I said
"Bye y/n, im sorry for getting you in trouble" the last half of what he said barely was audible to me with the quiet tone he used as I walked away to the office
I already have an idea of where this story is leading & I'm guessing it'll only take at most 4 parts to get there, I just feel bad stuffing one part with so much. Also if the writing & dialogue suck it's bc I rushed this SORRY 😔
THIS PART IS RLLY BORING I PROMISE THE NEXT IS SM BETTER‼️
PART 3 OUT NOW
90 notes · View notes