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avidfanficwriter · 6 years ago

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Failed Repetition (Chapter 3)

Characters: Chris Evans X OFC!

Summary: For as long as Chris can remember, he’s wanted to get married. He has wanted the white picket fence, beautiful wife on his arm and a house full of kids unlike his counterpart who isn’t thrilled with the prospect of marriage.

Rating: T

Warnings: Cursing.Mention of sexual acts/Situations.

Tags: wolflhards. @tacohead13

Chapter 1. Chapter 2. Chapter 3. Chapter 4.

Take care, Reagan.

The note was ended as if they hadn't spent the last six years together, like they hadn't lived together for four years or the 'I love yous' shouted during nights of passion were meaningless.

The note closes as if they were strangers, two random people who accidently bumped into one another on the sidewalk. Distant, Cold and longing to get away from one another. This wasn't how two people in love parted.

Was this what he deserved? A note as a goodbye--In place of a conversation? No explanation. No speech. Just a discarded piece of paper left on the counter and an insensitive 'Take care.'

Twenty minutes after reading the note, it finally starts to sink in, Chris calls Reagan and leaves her a long rambling voicemail that says nothing more than, "I love you, please come back." in fifteen different ways. He promises he'll stop bring marriage up, that it's not even that important to him if it costs him her. They should talk in person, he says the first thing that comes to his mind in the voicemail and it mimics someone whose entirely lost, which he is. She's gone and he's to blame.

The pain hasn't set in yet, right now it's just pure panic.

He wanders around the house, searching for anything to keep his mind occupied while he waits for her to call back. Two hours pass and he sends her a text message:

"Reagan I love you Im sorry just come home so we can talk about this."

No response.

The house feels like it's haunted with memories of Reagan, every space inside the home reminds him of her. The counter where she accidently spilled her tea onto one of his scripts, they spent three hours blowing drying the pages so they were legible. The couch in the living room that looked amazing in the store but they soon discovered looked terrible after being brought into their home. The hole in the wall from when they put the paintings up, Chris slipped and in order to avoid hitting Reagan with the hammer he slammed it into the wall creating a huge hole; it became a great conversation starter. If it's not the memories torturing him, it's his mind tricking him into believing she's home.

Chris starts to beat himself up, if he would have just told her he was awake when she came home this wouldn't have happened. If he wasn't stubborn for just one moment of his life, he wouldn't have lost the best thing to ever happen to him. Even if he would have joined her in the guest room or carried her into their bedroom, this could have played out differently. They could have spoken, he could have prevented her from leaving. He would be exiled to the couch but at least she would've been home.

By noon, Chris had resorted to drinking in order to prevent himself from calling Reagan, at first it seemed like a good idea, he'd get drunk enough to pass out and by tomorrow she would be home. His plan was flawed, instead of passing out, he wound up calling Reagan again.

"I miss you." He whispers into the phone, his body slack and head spinning. "I do. I miss all of you, your tiny smirk when I'd say something smart, the curl in your hair you always fought to get out of your eyes; the way you bit your lip when you read." He exhales deeply, closing his eyes and holding the phone tighter to his ear. "I miss how you sound when I'm buried inside of you, those fucking pretty little sounds you make. I miss feeling your thighs shake around my head while you pull my hair as you beg for more."

Sober Chris had boundaries. Drunk Chris didn't care. "The way you taste, how you linger on my tongue hours after we're done and all I want to do when I come home is bury my head between your thighs again. Fuck, Rea..." He groans, palming his erection through his sweatpants. "I love the way your lips feel against mine, how your heart rate increases when I kiss along your collarbone. How your chest rises as I kiss down your body like you're on full display for me. I love that... I love you, Reagan."

Phone call number two, is less sexual but not at all any better.

"Do you remember when we first started dating?" He asks, glancing at the photos of them along the wall. "You told me you only dated guys that took relationships series, I told you I was one of them and you made this big schedule of things for us to do for me to prove my worth? And one of them was cooking? You made this fucking amazing meal, that stuffed bell peppers stuff and a homemade cheesecake and when it came my turn It was so bad."

Chris lets out a small chuckle over the memory. "I tried to make some chicken recipe I found online but I burned it. The smoke detectors were going off, the house smelled like smoke and then you showed up and I thought you were going to run. I could see it, this look of fear on your face." Chris shakes his head, rubbing at his eyebrow. "I ended up making eggs and we had to eat them outside because of the smell. Then you made that pie for thanksgiving to take over to my mom's and I burned that too. All I had to do was take it out of the oven while you were in the shower but I forgot. We should do that again, Rea."

Chris closes his eyes. "My mother would kill me but I always loved your pies more. Blueberry was my favorite." He clears his throat. "Do you remember that blueberry one we made for my nieces fundraiser and somehow we ended up eating it on the floor in the kitchen? My sister was so mad at us."

Phone called number three is mess. Chris doesn't know what he's saying anymore or what he's even trying to get at. Words are just coming out.

"Reagan" He starts off, holding back a sob. "I walked into the bathroom earlier and your soap was gone. I started crying... over soap. Soap!" He sniffles and lets out a small laugh. "I spent twenty minutes just sobbing in the restroom. I was fine when I saw you took some clothes but that soap. That stupid grapefruit soap you took and it broke me." Chris starts chuckling as tears pile in his eyes. "I didn't cry over the note you left, I was shocked but that goddamn empty shelf in the shower broke me." He voices slowly trails off into a whisper.

Chris wipes a tear that falls from his eye, "You're not coming back tomorrow are you?" He questions with a deep sigh. "I just...I just wanna hear your voice, just pick up the phone, baby. God, Reagan." He pleads. "if you just give me a second to explain...."

"If you’re satisfied with your message, press 1. If you’re not and want to re-record, press 2. If you want to delete and start over, press 3." The voicemail recording interrupts him.

Chris growls, "Fuck!" he shouts throwing the phone across the room.

There's pain ripping through his chest as the hours pass, all he wants is for her to call him back or magically walk through the front door. He wants her to yell at him, call him an idiot, kick him out of the house that would hurt far less than what she's doing now. If they were arguing or fighting and she slammed the bedroom door on him it wouldn't hurt like this was. This, Reagan leaving with her things, refusing to answer his calls was torture. It felt like his heart was being pulled out of his body as if the arteries were being stretched until they tore.

He's done drinking, it's not helping, it's only worsening his heartache. The liquid seems to only intensify his emotions, everything makes him cry. The sight of a book she left, feels like a stab to the chest. Her coffee cup in the cabinet, makes him hold his chest and collapse to the ground. The smell of her perfume on the sheets in the guest bedroom makes him ill.

The second day isn't any easier, there's still no phone call from Reagan, or text message; or even an email. He drinks a cup of coffee and stares at the harrowing note that he hasn't been able to move from the counter. It's been reread multiple times as if he's searching for something else, a hidden meaning behind one of the words; or the possibility he's misunderstood it. There's nothing new, no matter how many times he reads it, it's just more heartache.

With his head on straight and no alcohol in his system, he calls her one more time.

The phone goes to voicemail and his stomach drops. There was a tiny part of him that expected her to answer this time. It's been twenty-four hours since he's seen her and even longer since he's spoken to her.

"Reagan," He starts out, calmly. "Baby," he tries to focus on his breathing, slow and deep breathes so he doesn't lose sight of what he's doing here. He wants Reagan to come home. That's his goal, to get his girl to come back home. "I... fuck." With a loud groan, he drops the phone from his ear and rubs his face. He doesn't know what to say or how to began. He's left her countless messages that got him nowhere, if any of them counted this was the one.. "I'm sorry. God, I'm sorry. Just please come home, we can talk about this." He's bargaining, hoping she hears the sincerity in his voice before realizing his statement could be taken the wrong way. "No, I mean, we don't have anything to talk about. Okay? I fucked up, you're right. I shouldn't be forcing you to do what I want, I should've just shut up. I want to get married but if I have to choose between you or that, I choose you. I want you. I want you as my girl, my girlfriend, my friend, lover. Whatever we want to call it, I'm for. I can't lose you." He's rambling. "I love you, please just come home."

Three hours pass and the realization she may never come back home finally gets to him, he panics in the middle of making something to eat. It's a simple task but he caught sight of the Captain America: The First Avengers script Reagan had framed for him and it hit him like a punch to the gut.

His heart beat like a jackhammer, his mind is racing and he's struggling to breathe.

His fingers are tingling and the room is getting dangerously hot.

His body hurts and he's on the verge of passing out.

He can hear his heartbeat and feel it in his eardrums.

A panic attack.

Chris digs his cell phone out of his pocket and calls Reagan.

"Answer... Answer, Reagan. Please."

"This is Reagan, leave a message." Voicemail again.

He groans, hanging up the phone and grabs at his chest. The tips of his fingers are on fire, burning his skin, adding to the pain. Then he calls her again and again. Listening to her voice on her voicemail starts to calm him, his heart rate gets under control, the pressure on his lungs starts to dissipate. He can focus.

On the last phone call, he leaves one simple message. "Reagan, I'm so fucking sorry."

The next phone call he makes is wrong, it's not his place but if anyone knows how to get ahold of Reagan it would be her mother. She may have neglected to tell him where she was going but she would always tell her mother.

"Chris, she told me not to talk to you." Her mother says quickly after answering the phone.

He exhales deeply. "I just need to talk to her. She left in the middle of the night and she wont answer her phone."

"She's upset, Chris."

"I know!" He grabs his hair and groans. "I took it to far, I fucked up but I woke up and she was gone. Her stuff is gone and I'm suppose to just be okay with that?" He questions. "I don't get a chance to apologize or an opportunity to talk? I don't get to fight for her? She decides one night that we're done and that's it? I don't get told she doesn't want to be with me or that she doesnt love me to my face?"

Reagan's mother sighs. "Chris, honey..."

"We been together for six years, Margaret... six years. I love her. She's the last thing I think about before going to bed and the first thing I think about when I wake up. I can't... This can't end this way."

Chris knocks on the door, quietly at first before building up the courage to knock harder. The lock clicks causing his heart to race then the door slowly opens and there she is. Their eyes meet and she looks away, glancing at the ground with a sigh. "My mother?" She asks.

"Your mother." Chris says, shoving his hands into his pockets.

#Chris Evans #Chris Evans fanfic #Chris Evans Fanfiction #Chris Evans Imagine #Chris Evans fic #Evans #Human Dorito #Steve rogers #Captain America #Captain America: The First Avenger #Captain Steve Rogers #Before we go

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thenerdyunhealthybrit · 7 years ago

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Loneliness and Smoking: The Cost of desire to reconnect

Prompt: Met on the fire escape outside the apartment for smokes AU

A/N: Okay, quick little note, basically since last Summer I vowed to myself to get into FanFic writing. Little note, I did give it a go back in 2011 with Buffy/Angel and Charmed, but what happened was that I’d get hooked on a new show and lose motivation and the will to write more, this was on an old account which I’ve since forgotten the password and deleted the email account for it (But it’s DrBangelWho if anyone is curious about a 14 year old’s foray into FanFic). Anyway, I wrote a page of a FanFic I was writing when on holiday, but haven’t gotten back to it since on the holiday I got too busy (It was a Film Festival) and once again got distracted and Uni took over. So, this one is just for me to get into the swing of things. There is no planning, making it up on the spot and I took this prompt from the list of Prompts on the Klaroline FanFic directory. So wish me luck!

If you asked Caroline “where you’d see yourself in 10 years” when she was 15, she would have said “I would have graduated from Yale with a degree in journalism and anchoring the late-night news slot on CNN, gearing up for the prime-time slot when I’m thirty, and living with my future husband, Stefan”. Yeah, 15 year old Caroline was naïve, because here she is 25, single living in New York with Stefan, working as a hotel receptionist, her best friend and his latest “Epic Love” Ivy – Seriously he only met her two days ago and she’s already unofficially moved in. For all she knows, Ivy could be a psychopath ready to murder us in the night!

Currently, Caroline is stuck at the umpteenth weekly dinner, in attendance is her, Stefan who is fondling Ivy’s hands non-stop, Damon who is clearly trying to get off with Elena – Why Elena is married to him, Caroline doesn’t know and she does not understand why her friends and close to him, she tried to cut him out of her life but her friends just gain up on her – well, except Katherine, but she’s off endlessly travelling the globe. Bonnie use to but then Elena got to her, speaking of Bonnie she was here with my best friend from College and her boyfriend Enzo, but they had to leave because Bonnie’s daughter Emily was ill and their babysitter has school tomorrow. So basically Caroline is the third, well the fifth wheel in this disgusting orgy.

“I’m gonna barf” she muttered. She’s had enough, she needs a breather.

“I’m going to go out and grab some wine,” She told the group with a raised voice, they clearly didn’t notice, as Caroline opened the door “and drink it all myself.” She added, not bothering to be quiet about it. As she exited her apartment she shut the door and saw the fire escape and immediately climbed out the window and climbed up the top of the stairs near the roof.

“Hey,” Caroline said as she sat down.

“Sup” The sandy-haired man replied next to her. This has been happening for months, it started back in September when Caroline needed to escape from her mom visiting and Damon was doing his sleazy schmoozing with my mom and he was there, in her spot.

“Hey, move” Caroline snapped at him, she needed a cigarette and she needed one right now. He looked at me, smirk, chuckled and just sat there! “Buddy, listen I’m not in the mood, my mom is down in my flat, speaking to my roommate’s creep of a brother and asking me when I’m getting married and where my life is heading, so would you pretty pleased move your pretty ass elsewhere so I can have a cheeky little smoke before my mom tries to look for me.” She rambled.

He just sat there, Caroline could tell that he homed in on that “pretty ass” comment, she tried to not let her inner embarrassment show, he then stopped looking at me and started facing the skyline. “Asshole! Ugh!” Caroline muttered badly, and she walked out, she likes to smoke alone, that way she can hide the judgment and have alone time, she decided that she’d simply turn up later when he isn’t there.

This kept happening every other day, sometimes he would be there, other times she’d be there first, he refused to leave if Caroline was there first, and eventually, they developed a pattern. They’d just still by the fire escape at the top, and smoke, sometimes they shared if one of us ran out. No words were spoken, and they barely know anything about each other – Caroline only found out that he was British in December when they started communicating with one-worded syllables knowing nothing about each other.

“Give me that,” she said as she snatched the cigarette out of his hands. Okay, she’s in a very bad mood. She could tell that he was slightly annoyed by her tone, but Caroline tonight didn’t care. Her life is going nowhere, and she’s never felt so alone in her life.

“What has your boyfriend done this time?” He quipped to her, although there was an unexplained tone to it, something was up, she couldn’t tell what.

As Caroline breathed out the smoke, “What? Boyfriend?” This is new territory, where did this come from? What is he on about? “Stefan? Oh god no! I mean, when I met him at school, yeah I was attracted to him, but it literally died the next day when he started talking about his hero hair to me, I’ve learnt to never date a guy that would rather talk about his hair and other girls, than you.” She scoffed as she said it. “I mean, his hair isn’t even that great, you know?”

She could have sworn that she heard him say “Good”. “So, what has gotten yourself into a twist then?” He said hesitantly.

“I’m sorry, but what is going on?” She had to ask confusingly, they don’t do this. They smoke in silence and go their own way. This is how she likes it, no one can judge her. “I’m not going to unload myself to some stranger- ”

“I’m not a stranger” he cut her off.

“Or some guy whose name I don’t know.” She sharply responded.

“Klaus” he answered, just as Caroline finished her sentence.

“Caroline” She countered. “I’m not going to tell you.” He continued looking at her, he even started to rest his elbows on his knees and hands under his chin. Arrogant ass. He looks at her knowingly.

“Fine!” she shouted at him. Klaus started to smirk. “Wipe that smirk off, you ass!” He didn’t, or he did but he didn’t stop smiling. Caroline took her time, how is she going to explain this. “I hate my life okay. All my friends are in long-term relationships, know what they are doing or are Stefan. And my life sucks about, I have a degree in Journalism, I thought I’d be working at a news station by now, my roommate is inconsiderate and selfish, he dates all these women, proclaim them as the love of his life, they move in, I have to clean up the mess, then they break up and it’s just rinse and repeat. Then I just had it up to here with his brother, he is not just an ass, he is a fucking dickhead, who had consistently done beyond shitty things and my friends know that he has done this and what he has done to m- but don’t care. Meanwhile, my mom is complaining about my job as a receptionist, wanting me to move home, asking if I found someone – man or women, she says I can’t be choosy anymore – and I’m just at breaking point, I’m wondering why am I here, because there is nothing for me in New York, I have a degree which is useless, a job I hate and I’m not even sure if I want a career in journalism anymore!” Caroline ranted and rambled, it started off quiet but as she vented, her confidence grew. As she finished, however, her confidence suddenly shrank and now she was embarrassed, he probably thinks that it was petty and a spoilt brat and now he’d never want her company again. “I’m sorry,” she said nervously as she changed her tune. “I’ve gotta go” she handed him the cigarette quickly and raced back down to her flat completely embarrassed.

“Caroline” she heard him say, but right now she didn’t care.

It’s been 5 days since that incident, and she hasn’t gone back up there since, opting to smoke on her way home from work instead. Stefan has broken up with Ivy, who did not take it well – there were slaps and tears. Caroline would have laughed if one of those slaps weren’t directed at her as she accused her of turning Stefan against her. He’s now moved onto Valerie, she’s saner but more standoffish, cold, unapproachable, Caroline honestly doesn’t care about Stefan’s “loves” anymore. “Hey, blondie!” Damon snarked – Elena and him have temporarily moved in while their flat is getting fixed after it got flooded.

“Don’t call me that.” She snapped. It was only her and Damon.

“Aww, come on, Carebear, don’t be like that I thought we were friends.” He teasingly answered.

“Are you kidding me, in what world would I seriously be friends with you after what you did.” She shot back. Is he for real? She is not in the mood today and he was just making her mad, madder than she’s been in a long time.

“Okay, we had some fun in high school. You regretted it afterwards, caused some usual drama, I’m over it” He light-heartedly answered, trying to go in for a hug. Something in Caroline switched.

“Are you fucking kidding me! We did not have some ‘fun’ as you eloquently put it. You know what I did and I weren’t lying when I told Elena 7 years ago.”

“Hang on, you said yes!” Damon cut in as he sobered up.

“No. I may have said yes at first, but then you started verbally assaulting me, telling me I was weak and pathetic. I don’t tend to want to sleep with guys that speak to me like crap. I withdrew my consent, I said no, you wouldn’t accept it, you wouldn’t let me go. You…you…” She couldn’t say the words, she never could she knew what he did, but she couldn’t say it to him, by saying it, she goes back to being that 18 year old girl. “…And afterwards, you continued to verbally abuse me, until you got with Elena and I don’t know how, but you got everyone to forgive you, to think it’s alright. 'Oh, Caroline just needs to move on. Caroline just needs to toughen up. Well, she was all over Damon, she got what she wanted’ and you know what I did toughen up, I tried to deal with it because I weirdly wanted my friends’ happiness above myself. I’m done. Fuck you, Damon.” She then stormed out of the apartment.

“Wait why did I storm out, it’s my apartment.” She muttered to herself outside the door, well she can’t go back in, kind of negates her power moment there. She snuck out the fire escape and saw that it was empty. Perfect. She sat in her usual spot, it was weird, she didn’t realise how empty she felt, sitting by herself, as she lit her cigarette and as she took a smoke, “I should really quit” she spoke to herself.

“You’ve been avoiding me” Caroline stopped smoking, she heard a voice above her, not just any voice, a particular cocky, annoying voice. With a god damn sexy – very sexy – British accent. She looked up.

“Hey, the roof is banned remember!?” She shouted, trying to avoid the subject. This was not the plan.

“I’ve been here every day you know. I wanted to check if you were alright, but you never came.” Klaus confronted her, Caroline could detect a bit of a sad tone in his voice, she immediately felt guilty, she tried to explain. “No, don’t talk, I want to show you something.” He added and he reached for her hand, to help her up on the roof. As she turned around, she saw the most beautiful thing ever. There were fairy lights hung up everywhere, a tartan blanket on the floor, accompanied by a picnic basket. She never thought that a roof in a cheap apartment building could look so stunning. “I…er…know that you feel that your life sucks, and you might be going through a bit of a crisis. Honestly, I didn’t know what to do. I just wanted you to feel better, even if it’s more a moment.” He explained nervously, Caroline found it weird as his arrogant demeanour was gone and was replaced by a nervous schoolboy as he looked down, scratching his neck.“

"Thanks.” Caroline answered. Touched. She proceeded to sit on the blanket. “Well, aren’t you going to pour me a drink?” she quipped at him. Caroline couldn’t tell what he was thinking. Was he shocked? A smile formed, and he proceeded to sit down.

They talked for hours, they lost track of time, there was a lot of laughter, Caroline has not had this much fun in years, she forgot everything that was going on in her life. She checked her phone and saw it was 10pm, “It’s 10. We should probably…” She gently said to him, after a period of blissful silence.

“Right.” He answered. He started to pack everything away, Caroline decided to help, after they were done, they headed down the fire escape back into the apartment building. They realised that they didn’t want to leave each other’s company and took the long route back down. They just walked in silence, having never felt this much calm in years. They reached Klaus’s apartment first. “So…” he said as he broke the silence.

“So…” she was starting to feel awkward. Nervous and awkward, why does this feel like a first date?

“As he put the key into his door, "Umm…I had a lot of fun, do you want to do this again? But like properly?” He was nervous again. Caroline found it cute, but strangely was missing the cocky Klaus she has known for months.

“I had fun to do, umm…yeah okay,” Caroline answered. Caroline knew that she was starting to blush, but right now she didn’t care.

“Ok, cool.” He answered with a slight smile. They were in silence once again. Do they hug? Kiss? Why are they suddenly acting like they have never dated people before?

“I’m going to let you go.” Caroline answered, partly to fill in the silence, but also to end it, if one of them didn’t stop, she didn’t know how long they’d be standing in the hallway in silence. Klaus turns the keys in the keyhole and opened the door. Caroline could see the old Klaus return, he had a sense of renewed confidence, with one foot in the door, he turned around and immediately kissed a surprised Caroline on the lips. It was gentle and very charged, they kept being pulled into this their own personal bubble, this kiss wasn’t about lust or sex. It was about the beginning of something. Something special. Something great. Klaus stopped the kiss but Caroline didn’t want to. She kept her eyes closed a little longer, she could feel his smirk burning through her closed eyes, so Caroline opened them.

“Bye” Klaus grinned, the asshole. He’s back to his normal self, which infuriated Caroline. Not because he was being an ass. It was because she was still attracted to him. Just as Klaus was about to close the door, she heard a second voice from inside the flat.

“Oh good, you finally asked her out. It only took you four months!” a feminine, also British voice shouted through the flat. Klaus went red, he was mortified, Caroline started to laugh. Oh, how the tables have turned.

She continued laughing, until she remembered what she heard, “Wait a sec, 4 months!”

A/N: Okay, that’s it, folks. I know that I left some open bits. Basically, I wanted to leave it open for a potential sequel but from Klaus’s POV, one which would address Damon more and give that a conclusion. I just had to include it based on what happened in TVD, I couldn’t ignore it when I mentioned Damon, but at the same time, I didn’t want the whole one-shot to be about that. As I said, I wanted to leave a lot open for a potential sequel. I know a lot isn’t resolved and it was done purposely because as I wrote it, I realised that I wanted to explore that period of adulthood, between when you leave College and went you really hit adulthood and you are kind of lost.

Review, like do it all. Constructive criticism is appreciated, I wrote this on the spot, to try and get through a little stumbling block so I can write more, I haven’t written in years. So reviews would be greatly appreciated.

#TheNerdyUnhealthyBrit writes FanFic #Klaroline Drabbles #Klaroline FanFiction #Klaroline #Loneliness and Smoking #The cost of the desire to reconnect #I finally did it #Constructive Criticism is welcome #FanFiction

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nooneelsecomesclose17 · 7 years ago

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Until you’re resting here with me (Love Actually AU) - Part 3

Finally!! Thought it would never get done. Not at all how I imagined it but I hope you all like it!

Part 1 // Part 2

In the end he’s saved from the shopping trip. Aaron cancelled, saying his Mum was ill and he had to help out behind the bar for the day. Robert took the hint, didn’t ask whether he wanted to reschedule. He still had to face going to dinner the following night. He pulls his best shirt from the wardrobe needing to know he looks good, and gets himself ready, all the while waiting for his phone to light up with a message to say it’s off.

It doesn’t come, so he drives the short distance to Luke and Aaron’s flat. It’s stupid, they’ve done this many times and it’s always a laugh. He supposes that this is what it’ll be like now, at least until he gets over this. Of course it’s Aaron who answers the door, scowl firmly in place.

“Luke’s just nipped to the shop, forgot some crucial ingredient or something. Shouldn’t be long.” Robert hung his coat up and followed him through to the kitchen. “Beer?”

“Sure. So how’s Chas?”

“Huh?” Aaron frowns as he passes him his beer. “Oh...yeah she’s fine now.”

“You could have told me the truth you know, if you didn’t want me to help you. I would have got it, expected it really.”

“What did you expect me to do? Why make it uncomfortable for both of us?”

“So why let me come here tonight? Or are you going to tell Luke all about it, make me squirm even more?” He should have never have come. He’s ruined everything, he’s going to lose his best friend, well really his only real friend and it’s all his own fault.

“No, that’s not...I just thought it would be easier! Give you time to deal with it.”

“I’ve been dealing with it for over a year, Aaron. I’m getting pretty good at it thank you.” He slams his beer bottle down on the counter. “I should go.”

“That long?” Aaron looked stunned, frozen. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Excellent conversation material, that, yeah? Why don’t I just go, leave you and Luke on your own. I’ll come up with some reason why I can’t be his best man.” He couldn’t face it, not any more, the guilt of hiding this from his best friend was too much, now Aaron knew it was weighing down on him again.

“Now you’re just being dramatic. Nothing’s changed. He doesn’t know anything. I told him you’d deleted the video by accident, he’s none the wiser. You really going to throw your friendship away over me?” He wants to say he’s worth it, but it isn’t really. He’s stopped from answering by the front door opening.

“You’re here then! Great!” He watches Luke stride around the kitchen, pressing a kiss to Aaron’s lips as he passes. “Right, out the pair of you, let me cook.”

He has no choice but to follow Aaron through to the living room. He’s always liked the house, it’s far more homely than his and he’s always been comfortable here, until tonight. Now he felt completely out of place and he’s wishing he’d brought Vic along with him. At least she could be relied upon to fill the empty silences.

“I’m not going to say anything, to Luke I mean. It’s not like anything is going on is it?”

“That simple, huh?”

“I didn’t say that. I just don’t see the point in the two of you falling out over it. Maybe one day all three of us can be mates, without all this getting in the way. I’ve been where you are.” Robert looks up at him, sitting on the opposite sofa.

“Really?”

“My mate, Adam, back when we were teenagers. I do know how you’re feeling.”

“And what, you got over it? I don’t need to hear how you understand. It doesn’t help me.”

“No I didn’t get over it, not for ages, nearly ruined our friendship. I don’t want that for you and Luke, I told you. Me and Adam are alright now. You’ll get over me.”

“This isn’t a silly teenage crush Aaron…” He can’t stop himself from getting up, from walking over to the sofa, sitting down next to Aaron.

He’s inches away from him, could easily just lean in and kiss him, he’s not moving away. It’s only Luke calling out that stops him. He jumps to his feet as the door opens, Aaron seemingly in a daze.

“Shouldn’t be long. You alright?”

“Er, no, not really. Not feeling too good mate. I really don’t think I can stay. Sorry mate.” He daren’t look at Aaron, hopes the state he’s in will convince Luke that he is actually ill. He certainly feels it. “Another time though, yeah?”

Luke tries to get him to accept a lift home but he turns him down, needs to be on his own, can’t believe what almost happened. He murmurs a goodbye to Aaron and he’s half heartedly waving goodbye to Luke and driving away, feeling like the worst friend in the world.

*****

He doesn’t hear from either of them for a few weeks, avoids Luke’s calls, answering texts telling him he’s busy at work. It can’t go on, he’s still supposed to be his best man, has things to do before the wedding but for now he lets himself ignore him. Aaron doesn’t call, not that he expected it. He hasn’t told anyone what happened, not even Victoria, no matter how many times she’s asked.

It’s close enough to Christmas now that he’s got invites to Christmas parties coming out of his ears. He goes to most of them, tries to get over himself, to get into the spirit of the season but not much works.

He blames the idea on the alcohol at his firm’s Christmas do, he would never have come up with it sober, but once it’s in his head he can’t shift it. It’s stupid, probably the stupidest thing he’s done in years and it’s not like Aaron doesn’t already know how he feels. Maybe he deserves to give himself one chance to just get his feelings out there properly and then he can let it go, move on.

*****

He stands outside their flat for what feels like an age before he manages to pluck up enough courage to ring the doorbell. He hides everything he’s carrying out of sight. He’s not sure what he’ll do if Luke answers. He’s taken long enough to pluck up the courage to do this he doesn’t think he can do it again. Thankfully he hears Aaron call out that he’ll get it and then his heavy footsteps getting closer. He can feel his heart rate going up, he’s sure the whole street can hear it.

“Oh...hi.” Aaron’s there now, in front of him. He looks confused and it takes him a few seconds to remember his plan. It’s Luke calling out, asking who it is that jolts him into action.

*PRETEND IT’S CAROL SINGERS*

Aaron nods and calls back and Robert can see the barest hint of interest interrupting the grumpiness on his features. He taps his phone, sets the carol he’d picked out playing before holding up the rest of the cards, expecting Aaron to slam the door in his face any second.

*THIS MIGHT BE THE MOST IDIOTIC THING*

*I’VE EVER DONE*

Aaron smiles at him but he looks completely bemused.

*BUT FOR NOW, I WANT TO SAY*

*WITHOUT HOPE OR EXPECTATION*

*JUST BECAUSE IT’S CHRISTMAS*

*(AND AT CHRISTMAS YOU TELL THE TRUTH...APPARENTLY!)*

*TO ME YOU ARE PERFECT*

*GRUMPY BUT PERFECT*

Aaron forgets himself and bursts out laughing and has to reach out and take the piece of card from him to get him to move on, he’s too busy staring at him.

*AND I LOVE YOU*

*MERRY CHRISTMAS*

He doesn’t stop to see Aaron’s expression, just stoops to pick up the cards and switch off the music from his phone. When he stands up Aaron’s just staring at him. If he were optimistic he’d say he could see a tear in his eye but it’s probably his imagination. He does exactly what he’d planned to do and turns and walks away.

It’s only when he hears footsteps that he stops and the next thing, Aaron has swung him round and he has his hands on his face, palms warm against his cold cheeks. He doesn’t have chance to speak before Aaron’s kissing him. He doesn’t know if anyone can see them, doesn’t care. If this is all he gets he’s going to savour every second. It’s over before he can even think, Aaron pulling away from him. He doesn’t say anything just nods and Robert nods back and then he’s jogging back towards the flat. Robert waits until he hears the door close before he walks away.

“Enough. Stop now.”

*****

He spends the next few days dreading the wedding. He can hardly let Luke down not that late and seeing Aaron again is just going to be mortifying. He can’t actually believe what he did, can’t believe Aaron kissed him. He knows it didn’t mean anything, and he’s determined to put it all behind him. The first test of that will be the wedding tomorrow. Christmas Eve. Not that he feels the slightest bit festive. The only upside is that Vic will be there. He hadn’t realised just how much he missed her until they started spending time together again.

They’d spent the day Christmas shopping. He had left it all until the last minute as always, not that he has a huge amount of stuff to buy. She’d been horrified when he’d told her that despite her invitation he’d be spending the day alone and hadn’t let up until he relented. So now he had a few more presents to buy and something else to worry about, seeing Diane and Andy again. They’d not been at the party and he’d avoided them ever since but he had no chance at Christmas.

Now she’s gone and he’s all alone with a pile of presents to wrap and a glass of whiskey beside him. The Christmas decorations are up, he’d done that much and there’s an old black and white film on the TV. He just has to work himself up to wrapping things up. He’ll get to it in a minute.

He’s just finishing the first gift when the doorbell rings. Extracting himself from a tangle of sticky tape he opens the door, mouth hanging open when he sees Aaron standing there.

“If you’ve come to have a go or…”

“I haven’t.” He stuffs his hands in his pockets and stares down at the floor. “I, er...me and Luke, it’s over.” He literally can’t speak, he must be dreaming. All he can make himself do is usher Aaron inside and shut the door against the cold. “Aren’t you going to say anything?”

“You mean you’ve had a row and you’ve stormed out?” It had to be, couldn’t be anything else.

“No, I mean I told him I couldn’t marry him.” He moves closer, backing Robert further into the house. “Told him it wouldn’t be fair.”

“Aaron…”

“I can’t marry him when I’ve started having feelings for someone else. Someone who’s spent a year acting as though they didn’t like me because they didn’t want to upset their friend.” He moves closer and Robert’s sure he isn’t breathing. “You would have stood there and let me marry him, wouldn’t you?”

“Yeah. You love him, he’s my friend...Aaron I don’t understand what you’re doing here?”

“I didn’t sleep last night, or the three nights before that either. I haven’t been able to sleep since you appeared at the door playing fuckin’ carols because who does that?”

“Do you want me to apologise?” He feels like he’s in some strange parallel world, he has no idea what the hell is going on.

“No...I can’t get you out of my head and I don’t know what to do...I just know I can’t marry him. He doesn’t make me feel like I’ve felt the last three days.” Robert backs up against the back of the sofa as Aaron keeps moving closer, now just inches away from him. “But you do and...I can’t ignore it.”

“Does he know? About me?”

“No. I just told him it didn’t feel right, that I didn’t want to end up hurting him. If we...we’ll have to tell him at some point.”

“Not yet. I...can’t believe you’re here. I didn’t...what I did, it was to just get over it all, once and for all. I didn’t expect this.” He jumps a little as Aaron’s arms come around him, resting in the small of his back. It feels good, like he’s exactly where he’s supposed to be.

“I know, maybe I’d been denying it since I saw that video. You know what, I’m done talking. Are you going to kiss me, or what?”

It wasn’t perfect, it could still all fall apart and he would never not feel guilty about hurting his friend but for now it’s Christmas and Aaron’s here and it’s enough. The rest they can fix later.

#robron fanfic #love actually au

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puppetwritings · 8 years ago

Text

A Change of Heart || Hoseok || Oneshot

Word Count: 3153

Genre: fluff, oneshot

Summary: Hoseok wasn’t sure what love is until he realize that love was you.

(A/N): original was accidentally deleted.

To him, love was sporadic, useless, and extremely fickle. It was a game he liked to play when he got bored and it was easy. All he had to do was go to the dimly lit bar, have a drink or two, eye a couple girls and within the hour they’d willingly walk over, hair twirled around her finger and lip between her teeth as she giggled and replied to his lame attempts at conversation. Another hour would pass before they’d be on the dance floor and soon in a hotel room. The morning would come and he would leave with no trace that he was real and leaving his partners believing he was a beautiful dream that they could only crave to have again.

Hoseok was that type of man. It was out of pure innocence, of course. He didn’t realize how fragile the human heart was. He only knew that real love was a waste of time and eventually they’d all leave. Happily ever after? Don’t make him laugh—Hoseok knew that it was just another dream that people made up in order to fill their hollow lives. A silly thought like that was not appealing to Hoseok in anyway and he was absolutely certain that it was not real. So, as he came home, opening the door to his shared apartment, he really couldn’t understand the sniffles that came from his dark home.

“Again?” Hoseok turned on the lights, staring at the human wrapped in blankets in the middle of the room, a bucket of ice-cream in hand.

You blinked at him, sniffling and reaching out for another tissue, only to find the box to be empty. You shoved aside your tears and placed the empty bucket down, spoon twirling useless at the bottom. You pulled the blankets closer together as you watched him kick his shoe off and go to the fridge, pulling out the pack of beer he had bought earlier that week. “You’re home early,” you remarked.

“There was nothing good,” Hoseok said, nudging you until you scooted over. He placed the pack down and pulled two out. He opened one and handed it to you before he opened his own. As he put the cold can against his lips, you spotted you staring at him. He stopped. “What?”

“Haven’t you drunk enough?” you sniffled, taking a sip.

“Do I smell?”

“A lot,” you wrinkled your nose in distaste.

Hoseok leaned back against the couch, “I’ve sobered up. This is just the smell from the club.”

“So it was the club today,” you noted.

“Why? You jealous?” Hoseok asked, with a smirk. He put an arm around you, leaning closer, “You said you wouldn’t fall in love with me though.”

“I’m not in love with you, you Casanova,” you mumbled, rolling your eyes. “I was just afraid you were going to get alcohol poisoning but if you’re fine then whatever.”

Hoseok scoffed, leaning back against the couch, his arm still hanging lazily behind you. His thumb brushed against your arm, drawing soft circles absentmindedly as he stared up at the ceiling. “Why do you do it?”

“Do what?” you asked innocently, sniffling and blinking hard to get some moisture back in your dry, puffy eyes.

“Fall in love,” Hoseok said, lifting the can to his lips.

You rolled your eyes, “You might not realize this, Mister Heartbreaker, but you don’t choose to fall in love.”

Hoseok raised an eyebrow, “You don’t?”

You nodded, sniffling and shifting to get a better look at him. You held back a sigh as you stared at his perfect profile—his sharp jaw line, lovely lips, and perfect nose. You blinked at him languidly for a moment and then sighed. “It just happens.”

Hoseok glanced over at you, a tilt in his head. He shifted, removing his arm from around you and sitting up straight. “What does it feel like?”

“To be in love?”

Hoseok nodded.

“You know.”

“I know how to make love, not be in it,” Hoseok corrected.

Your cheeks heated for a second before you thought about it, still sniffling. Hoseok stood abruptly as you mulled through your thoughts and came back with a fresh box of tissues. He handed one to you and you blew your nose before you spoke again. “It’s an indescribable feeling.”

“Well, describe it to me,” Hoseok said, waiting eagerly. His body was turned to you and he stared at you with a childish glint in his eyes, like the one that he had when you two first met when you were younger.

“I can’t. I just said it’s indescribable.”

“Well, can’t you try?” Hoseok begged. “Is it nice? Happy? Floating? Like a drug?”

“Well, it’s,” you hesitated and pursed your lips, “warm.”

“Warm?”

You nodded. “There’s two types of romantic love; the one where you feel like you’re floating—the fresh kind—and then there’s the comfortable kind.”

“Comfortable?”

You nodded again, a soft smile coming over your features as you began to describe it. “It’s like…you’ve known this person for a really long time and you’re really comfortable with them. You share all your secrets with them and you smile when they smile, you cry when they cry. They make you happy, angry, and sad but they’re still there for you when you need it. I think that’s true love.”

“If that’s true love then do I love you?”

You looked at Hoseok, surprised for a moment as he stared at you seriously. You laughed, your cheek beginning to warm. “What are you talking about, crazy?”

“Well, whenever you break-up with your boyfriend, my heart hurts when you cry. When you’re happy, I end up smiling with you. You make me worry and make me angry and that’s what you just described so, aren’t I in love with you?” Hoseok asked.

You rolled your eyes, nudging him with your foot. “I don’t know if you are. If you are, you just feel it.”

“You feel it,” Hoseok repeated, his voice trailing off and his face contorted in confusion. He turned to you, “So did you love any of your boyfriends?”

“Of course I did,” you scoffed. “It’s just…when we get past that fresh, floating feeling and we get into our arguments, we realize that we aren’t really compatible.”

“So then you break up.”

“That’s right.”

“What’s so different about a one night stand then?”

“It’s very different, Mr. Jung,” you rolled your eyes, a small smile on your face as you picked up your can again.

Hoseok hummed, leaning back against the couch, resting his head on the cushions and staring up at the ceiling. “I want to try it now.”

“Then be sincere to people. I’m sure you’ll find someone,” you shrugged.

“People are mean though.”

“They’re going to hurt you,” you agreed. “But it’s not like you shouldn’t try.”

“Is that why you keep trying? Even if they hurt you, you want to be in love?” Hoseok questioned.

You thought about it for a moment and then shrugged again. “I guess. I don’t have to constantly be in love but if I’m infatuated I just go for it. There’s no use in waiting around.”

“You’re not trying to get over someone, are you?”

You looked at him. “What?”

Hoseok’s eyes sparkled up at you, looking at you with the tenderest gaze as he spoke. “You know in those shows and movies? The girl or guy dates around because they’re trying to get over someone and they’re desperate to get the other person out of their minds. It’s not like that with you, right?”

You blinked at him and then scoffed, turning away with a fake laugh. “Of course not. This isn’t some silly love story, Hoseok.”

“Good,” Hoseok mumbled. You glanced over at him curiously and he reached up, gently pinching your cheeks. “Then that’d mean you’re lonely. I don’t like the idea of you being lonely.”

Your cheeks warmed as Hoseok grinned at you. You ruffled his hair, “You’re still such a silly boy, aren’t you?”

“And you’re a stupid little girl that makes me worried,” Hoseok replied.

You looked at him teasingly like he had several minutes before. “Jung Hoseok, you’re not in love with me are you?”

Hoseok’s eyes roamed your face for a moment too long, his lips parting and coming back together. He laughed softly, “I could be.”

You rolled your eyes, turning away, “Alright, you’re drunk.”

Hoseok laughed, stretching. “Am I? How do you know?”

“You’re saying you ‘could’ be in love with me,” you said. “You only say that when you’re drunk.”

“What if I really meant it?” Hoseok asked, smiling up at you.

You leaned closer until you two were centimeters apart. His eyes drifted to his lips and he felt his heart rate suddenly pick up in a way it doesn’t normally do with other people. You pecked his lips and sat back. “Anything?”

“N-no.”

“Exactly. You don’t actually mean it,” you laughed at the ridiculous idea of your childhood friend actually being in love with you. You stood, heart hammering against your chest. You dragged your blankets up into your arms and pat his head. “Sleep early tonight, Seokkie. You’re going to have a bad hangover tomorrow.”

Hoseok watched as you wandered back to your room and his fingers gently touched his lips, his cheeks burning and his mind numbing. He felt like flying.

“Any luck?”

“On what?” You looked up at your friend as he sat down across from you, his sweater hanging loosely from his frame.

“You know,” Hoseok shrugged, “In love.”

“It’s only been two months, Hoseok. Unlike you, I don’t hop around that often,” you rolled your eyes, taking a sip of your drink. You looked up at him as he turned a page of his book. “Speaking of which, why are you here right now?”

“What?” Hoseok raised an eyebrow, looking at you over his glasses.

“And why are you dressed like this?” you suddenly realized, looking him up and down. “Where’s your bad-boy leather thing? Your necklaces? Your contact lenses? Why aren’t you at the club or the bar or at the shopping strip with your friends?”

“I can’t be picking up girls twenty-four hours a day, Y/N,” Hoseok rolled his eyes.

“No, but you haven’t these past two months,” you leaned forward, placing a hand on top of his. “Buddy, do you have a terminal illness?”

Hoseok’s mouth suddenly went dry and he scoffed, pulling his hand away, “Terminal—hey, just because I’m not sleeping around recently doesn’t mean I’m going to die.”

“If not death then,” you lightened up, snapping your fingers. “Girl! You have someone you like!”

“No, I don’t,” Hoseok rolled his eyes, turning back to his book.

“Your ears are red.”

“Are not.”

“They are,” you grinned, shifting excitedly. “What’s she like? Is she cute? Pretty? Sexy?”

“There isn’t a girl and why are you so interested?” Hoseok asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I just want to know what kind of girl would catch the great Jung Hoseok’s attention is all,” you shrugged simply, an excited grin on your face. “So is there really not a girl? Not a guy either?”

“None. There’s no one. I’m just tired of sleeping around. I’m taking a break,” Hoseok shrugged, leaning against his arm as he turned back to his book.

“A break, huh?” you nodded. You nudged him, making him look up again. “Do you want me to introduce you to my cousin? She’s packing and she’s pretty and smart too.”

“Is she like you?”

“Me?” you raised an eyebrow. “Of course not.”

“Alright.”

“So, you’ll meet her?”

“No, I’m not interested.”

You scoffed, “And here I thought we could be family.”

Hoseok glanced up at you for a second before looking down. His cheeks were a bright red, matching his ears now at the word “family”. You hadn’t noticed as you were already looking back at your phone.

“By the way.”

Hoseok looked up.

“Jungkook invited us to his party. Do you want to go?” you asked, holding out the text to Hoseok.

“You accepted the invitation already,” Hoseok said.

“I could amend my response,” you shrugged.

Hoseok sighed, “Fine, we’ll go.”

You grinned, “Cool! But…”

“But what?”

“Are you going dressed like that?” you asked.

“What’s wrong with it?”

“It’s not Jung Hoseok. It’s like,” you shrugged, “what you’d wear if you grew up normal.”

Hoseok glared at you as you laughed at your own joke. “There’s nothing wrong with my current style.”

“There isn’t, really. You look like the type of guy I’d bring home to my parents,” you said, your laugh already trailing off to a giggle.

“I-I do?”

You nodded, looking at the clock on your phone. “Oh gosh, we have to go or we’ll be late. Come on, Hoseok!”

Hoseok scrambled after you, picking up your trash and throwing everything out before the two of you hopped onto a taxi and drove over to Jungkook’s house.

Once there, Hoseok was soon sandwiched between two of you friends and you had wandered off to find your own. Yoongi and Jimin leaned against the wall, Hoseok beside them looking a little awkward. Yoongi glanced over, his eyes running over Hoseok.

“Why are you looking like a nerd?”

“What?”

“Your outfit—glasses,” Yoongi pointed, “Your hair is down too. Did you not have time to get ready earlier?”

“No, I did. I just didn’t feel like wearing that stuff,” Hoseok shrugged, sipping his drink from the red cup.

“Not feeling it? You haven’t been feeling it for the past two months,” Jimin said, looking worried. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Why is everyone asking me?”

“Who’s everyone?” Yoongi asked.

“You guys and Y/N—“

“Hoseok!” you walked over, a friend beside you. You stopped and gestured, “Mikyung, this is Hoseok, Hoseok this is Mikyung.”

“Mikyung,” Hoseok looked at her and then to you, raising an eyebrow.

“She’s a biochemistry major,” you explained. You edged closer, whispering, “She’s a really nice girl. A complete change from what you’re used to.”

“Y/N, what are you—“

“I think you two would look cute together,” you shrugged, rocking back and forth on your feet. “Just saying.”

Mikyung rolled her eyes, giggling, “Y/N, I told you I already like someone.”

“Oh posh, you two aren’t good together at all.”

“Y/N,” Mikyung scoffed as you laughed, jokingly apologizing.

You turned to Hoseok who was staring at you with a stone-face. “Really no?”

“She seems nice but I’m really not looking for someone right now,” Hoseok whispered.

You pouted and turned to Mikyung, but she had already escaped into the crowd. You turned back to Hoseok, “C’mon, not even a chat?”

“I—no,” Hoseok shook his head. He gestured down at himself, “Does this look like I’m out looking for a girl right now?”

“Yes. Girls love this kind of soft style,” you reached up, ruffling his hair affectionately with a large grin. “But if you’re really not looking for anyone, I’m going back to the party.”

Hoseok watched as you turned, disappearing into the crowd. Hoseok reached up, touching his hair. He coughed, gulping as his cheeks turned red again. He shook his head, slapping his cheek. Yoongi and Jimin glanced at each other, smirking.

Jimin nudged Hoseok, “Hey, do you like Y/N?”

“W-what?”

“You like her, don’t you?” Yoongi urged. He tugged at Hoseok’s clothes, “These are the clothes she’s gotten you during Christmas and your birthday, aren’t they?”

“What? No, they’re…they are,” Hoseok admitted awkwardly under their piercing gazes.

“If you like her, then go for her!” Jimin said excitedly.

“No she…she doesn’t like me. I told her that I don’t like her either so it’d be weird if I suddenly,” Hoseok shrugged rather helplessly.

“You’re stupidly innocent, aren’t you?” Yoongi asked, shaking his head. “Listen, if Jimin and I help you, are you going to confess to her?” “What if it doesn’t work out? We’re room—“

“Then you can play it off as a joke. You’re good at doing that. Plus, your face is red enough to pass off as being drunk,” Jimin teased. He nudged him, “C’mon, let’s go.”

Hoseok protested, but before he could say anything more, he found himself sitting a circle of people, directly across from you with a bottle in the middle. Jimin spun the bottle and watched, praying hard, as it landed on Hoseok. He grinned, shifting and Hoseok pursed his lips.

“Truth or dare?”

“Tr—“

“Don’t be a wimp,” Taehyung hollered, the rest of the party-goers agreeing in a half-drunken manner.

“Dare,” Hoseok grumpily amended.

“I dare you to go into that room with Y/N and stay there for five minutes.”

You laughed, “That’s it? Just stay in there for five minutes? Jimin, we live together, it’s not going to be that hard.”

“And you have to kiss her.”

Your smile froze and Hoseok felt his heart crumble a little. You looked a bit…

“Alright,” Hoseok stood, the crowd whooping as he took your hand. He looked at you with a signature smirk and pulled you into the room, away from the happy cries and cheers. He closed the door and released your hand. You stood, waiting expectantly but Hoseok’s lips never came. “If you don’t tell anyone, I won’t either.”

“What?” you opened your eyes.

“I’m not going to kiss you,” Hoseok rolled his eyes.

“Why not? You were dared?”

“Well, it’s just…you don’t really want to, do you?”

You stared at him.

“It’d be weird to kiss you if you didn’t want to,” Hoseok continued, avoiding your eyes.

“I’m okay with it.”

Hoseok glanced up at you as you walked closer. “N-no, really, you don’t have t—“

“Why are you acting all shy?” you asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Shy? I’m not.”

“If this was the you from two months ago, you’d already have me against the wall. You’re being way too gentlemanly right now and you have been for the past two months. What’s wrong?”

“N-nothing is wrong, reall—“

“You like me.”

“Wh…”

Hoseok felt your lips press against his and he could taste the traces of liquor. His hands found your hips, pulling you closer as you held his face, kissing him slowly as if you were relishing every moment of it, hoping that it would never end.

Once the two of you pulled apart, you immediately pulled him into a tight hug, your face buried into his chest. “I’m drunk.”

“O-okay.”

“But I know that I like you,” you whispered, slowly looking up at him shyly.

“A-alright.”

“And your heart is racing really fast so,” you looked at him hopefully. “Do you like me too?”

Hoseok stared at you breathlessly and then a smile split across his face. He pulled you into a tight hug, squeezing the air out of your lungs as he buried his nose against your neck. “Yes, I do. So much.”

#jhope fanfic #jhope fanfiction #jhope scenarios #hoseok scenario #hoseok fanfic #hoseok fanfiction #bts fanfic #bts oneshot #bts scenarios #bts fanfiction #bangtan fanfic #bangtan fanfiction #bangtan scenarios

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shslshortie · 7 years ago

Text

Anyone remember how I was scared this one guy was gonna make me the cause of some drama ???

Well it happened. I'm not sure entirely if it was him, but he was apart of it, and the situation was the same.

I was at a pregame and having a grand old time with my best friend here... when I got a text from the girl who is the ACTUAL cause of drama, most problems in APO, who stressed me the Fuck out, and who is a toxic Bitch.

I still haven't even looked at the whole thing, because 1) when I'm drunk/drinking, I never check my phone or I at least never let myself respond to things... so I swiped it away after reading the first sentence (if I get notifications from people, and they obviously need my help, I will look at them, but 90% of the time I ignore them or just actually don't see them when I'm drinking, cuz I try to stay away from my phone to not make bad decisions). And 2) I don't deal with my problems. I usually will delete emails about class or grades or other things hoping they'll go away. And then I will actually forget about them until they become a bigger issue, but that's just what happens with me.

SO I of course ignored her at the party. Like I prepared a thing about how if she confronted me (she's a very confrontational person) I could have been like "oh wait you texted me???? Let me check... oh shit it was a 'multimedia message". I never get notifications from those, especially if I get them at the same time as other texts, because I have a shitty Android that doesn't bug me if I don't check all my notifications." (Which is true by the way, just not in this case. Where sadly, if she had texted about a minute later, it would have been true) but she didn't, and god I'm hoping she doesn't tomorrow. Because god, I have learned my life is s much better with out her or her stupid friends. But her friends hold a lot of power in APO, and I don't know why. I also don't know why they don't like me ??? (Like this was before I decided I didn't like them, which was honestly because they always ignored me and never included me in anything) so I don't need them.

But I hate confrontation, and tomorrow is going to be a long day as it is already... so I'm just hoping, like most tailgates and guerrillas, that I don't actually have to see her. (Of course when I say that, I will see her 20 times, and she'll literally yell at me and cause a scene)

Again, over all, I don't wish her any ill will. I tried to like her. I really did. I tried to be her friend and support her. But I've dealt with her crazy one too many times. I have been backfired at because of it. I have been literally hurt because of it, and I know I never want to deal with it or her because of it. Because it is unhealthy not only for her, but for anyone in a 10 mile radius that knows her.

And literally anything I've said about her, is only when other people have talked about her or the drama she's involved in. And no matter what, I've always said "I wish I didn't have an opinion or I don't care. But I was dragged into this, and I don't want to be around her anymore Because of it" and that's all. Nothing more. I think I only told specifics to one person, and that was because I was worried about their safety. If she confronts me, I hope I'm sober and she's not, because I will win even if her friend are there.

But if for some reason, she does fight me, and everybody turns on me, I don't know what ilk do. She is a crazy, abusive, mentally unstable alcoholic Bitch who will take any small problem and literally stab you with it until you bleed out, and she should honestly be taken to a mental hospital because she needs help. For the safety of herself, and for others. So I don't understand how she has this many people behind her.

Oh well, we will see what happens tomorrow, when I have to deal with her for a whole day.

Also did I tell you that she is in my major of like 200 kids, my theatre honor society, and my friend group (including my roommate) who she has somehow turned against me??? It's great. I'm thriving.

#also the night with emma was the best ive had in a long time #apo #apo relevant #also im not calling her crazy in like a improper derogatory term #im calling her crazy as in i fear for my safety because she has serious mental illnesses and problems for which i fear for my safety #shut up dani #drunk mention

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musicalcrocodile · 8 years ago

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dear nick

it’s been a month since i’ve seen you. which is almost weird, how time flew by so fast since you’ve been gone. i know you’ll most likely never read this letter, and i’m not writing it for you, i’m writing it for me, and if you do, i’d recommend you stop reading now, because it might get hurtful, and i don’t want to hurt you, i just want to write down my thoughts somewhere, into an abyss, and then forget about them. let me preface this by saying i love you and i miss you. but not the person you’ve been for the past two months. i fell for you so fast because you were down to earth at first, you were honest, hilarious, kind, caring, and loving. and then, it became true love, because in true love, you don’t know why you love someone, and to tell you the truth, i still don’t know why i love you right now. today, i blocked you and deleted you off of everything. i’ve given up. i feel like i was chasing so much in the last month, and i deserve to be chased after too, even as a friend. any kind of relationship is a two-way street, which is what you told me as well when i was upset with lara. so i’m going to tell you the truth now, because as much as i want to, i know it won’t be beneficial for you, and you’ll never know anyway, and i’m here just screaming into the abyss. the day i left for california i knew we were going to break up. i knew you were detaching, and i even could tell you when i first knew. i was uncertain before i left for california because i thought that maybe, just maybe you’d fight for the feelings you had for me. that you’d talk to your doctor about how the meds make you stop caring about the people you’re with. i thought you’d fight for me because you did before. but love is temporary when it isn’t fought for, and that’s when i knew. the answers became shorter, more neglect, and just in general i felt you weren’t excited anymore. when you asked me how i could be so okay with the break up, to tell you the truth, i had been numb since the first time i saw you in california. after that day progressed, i felt you slipping away. everytime you smoked while i was there, i knew. hell, even before i came when you smoked during skype calls while i was spilling my guts, i knew, and it was hurtful. it felt as if i wasn’t interesting enough, or you needed something to make you have fun because i was too boring, which i’m not. to tell you the truth, i wasn’t okay with the break up. i was devastated. i didn’t want to be, and it all spilled out later. i was semi-okay because i knew i was one person closer to the right one, that i wasn’t wasting my efforts on someone who wouldn’t spend any on me. but i was devastated because i lost the person who did spend efforts on me long ago. i was devastated because i loved him more than anyone. and yeah, maybe i was overbearing, and i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to be.i should’ve given you more space at times, because your bipolar doesn’t make you a baby. but i didn’t want you to hurt, and i wanted to help you as much as i could. i know i should’ve ended it after that one manic episode before my audition, but i was scared to, because i was scared to lose you, and to tell you the truth, there are parts of me that still are, but i realize it’s necessary. it’s necessary because i’m an afterthought to you now. you promised to send the package like 3 weeks ago, and you still haven’t. and when you did, you sent it high, and i don’t deserve a friend or acquaintance who would care so little about my feelings to do something so ill-prepared and irresponsible. and especially for someone who’s done a lot for you, i don’t think it’s so hard to spend maybe like 2 dollars to send a package. it’s okay, i’ve given up on it. i’m buying myself lipgloss tomorrow. i don’t need the pictures back. i don’t remember the last time i talked to you sober. i miss talking to you sober, because you’re different when you’re sober. i loved you both ways, but it got discouraging after it was always goofiness. i felt so unloved the last month, and i tried to persuade myself that i was instead of following my gut. nick, i love you so much. more than anyone. but i also love myself. if things were different, if you fought for me, not even romantically, but as a friend, if i wasn’t an afterthought, i think we’d be fine. it wouldn’t have gotten to this. you will probably never read this. and you know what, if you really want to get in contact with me, you will, because you can email me or call me, or text me. but i’m an afterthought, and i know that. i’m sorry if the song i wrote hurt you, but it was the truth. i never trusted anyone more, and now i don’t trust you at all. i don’t think you want to be friends with me, and that’s okay. i just wish you didn’t lie about it. i hope you’re doing well. i miss you and i love you. i’ll probably never talk to you or see you again, because i refuse to be in any kind of relationship where i have to chase, where i get nothing in return, and i finally learned that i should be getting things in return. goodbye, i love you. i’m sorry if you read this, but like you never saw my tumblr so unless you like googled my tumblr or something, i mean kudos to you if you did. if you want to be friends, let me know, but i won’t be friends with you if i’m the one who contributes more to it. leah

#nick #delete later

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yungxyari · 8 years ago

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3am thoughts....

I wanna write how I feel because its eating me up inside and when I try to express myself I get stuck First is first I messed up I wasn’t in the wrong from the beginning my birthday was great and for once I was absolutely happy not a care in the world first time in a long time. With happiness came a funny feeling for me those are never ever good when I say never I mean never bowling didn’t sound so right not after he expressed how tired he was something was off. Tuesday night is a night I’m done reliving I kinda just wished it never happened but since it did my next step is literally acting like it didn’t. Just to let it go After that night I shouldve blocked him but I didn’t I fucking didn’t block him I wanted to talk I wanted to work shit out when you love someone unconditionally shit like this tends to happen.. you just kinda sorta feel sick to your stomach giving up And this is the part where everyone gives in their opinion Why care about him if he doesn’t care about you his actions should show how he feels They probably are right but when you get to know someone you get to know them. And him I knew better then I know myself. Moving on I flipped my anxiety sucks I can’t control it it basically controls me and thats me upmost scariest feeling I have ever felt. I loose all sense of everything and im really going to try to get medication for that it fucking sucks and it basically dragged me to where I’m at the moment. Friday was hard after asking for nothing but the truth he wanted to still protect me and he lied I left work looking for nothing I shouldve went home I shouldve showered I shouldve laid down and once again BLOCKED HIM but I didn’t once again I let the anxiety the anger get the better of me. I really don’t have a valid explanation for any of my actions I swear I don’t and I don’t know what I wanted to accomplish by showing up at publix making a scene for what to drive him away even more. That isn’t the point he tried to check on me but it was already to late I was less then 500 feet from him with my heart beating almost out my chest not knowing my next move.. publix happened shit I’m not proud of another reason to apologize to C since his thing is he wants me to take responsibility.. he did me wrong asf me out of everyone he knows how I am and how I was with him and he took advantage of me of my heart and of my love and he abused it. Here everyone goes saying how can you feel that way at such a young age but me and the kid shared everything it was more of a friendship with the amount of unconditional love I believed we was throwing around… where do I continue Friday was Friday I ended up at my cousins party Lord help me that was a movie hen ciroc and beer pong how did I wake up the next day ask the devil because I don’t know I called him that night very mad at each other he answered on the first ring and I noticed I call he answers first ring second no more after that night. We talked for 21 minutes if I remember right the conversation I can’t tell you what was said but my drunken thoughts and sober words said anything and everything you can imagine. He was a dear the him I knew but better but caring but loving but supprortive things I havent seen in a while it felt good I felt good the call ended when G called me back in and 2 more shots later a bathroom converstaion occurred s/o to my girl A the first person to tell me something that makes sense not the default message I was getting from everyone because fuck him you deserve better really gets played tf out !!!!! that was over the party continued blasé blase “I’m finally in bed” text became a “good morning its work time “ text nothing too deep happened Saturday just the usual mix of emotions and feeling “I wish you were here right now” that broke my heart to pieces was the least of my worries. Saturday wasn’t bad and Sunday either I got an “I miss you” which made me feel great because fuckkkk finally I can confirm he feels the same Side note saturday I asked to b his first kiss of the year might not count for anything but it was important to me Sunday is where it began to fall not going into detail the day was good afternoon was good 7-9 was good I was out at first ignoring him but the kid just has a damn way of hoping back into my system. Spoke about fucking donuts which I was going to get delivered to him we left it at he’s taking a nap and that was it Till I got the feeling The feeling that fucks me over and shuts the reasonable part of my brain off. After this the outcome I lost my best friend I lost my keys I lost my self respect I lost my faith and hope and gained a charge Sunday Night was an eye opener well I thought it was Monday I woke up different it was good then sucked then sucked again it was great and at the end sucked even more at the end of this I stressed my mom out more then she is and lost his trust and everything Tuesday nothing really to say and Wednesday which is today but it isn’t considering its 3 am was a lot.

It went a little of both good and bad. More bad then good ofc “your picture is on my mirror but I’m going to have to take it off soon” As young as I may b I know, I know the feeling you get when you just know and I just know its kid having someone say they saw a future with u even at 17 maybe not now Mayb in 5 years maybe in 55 but that means a lot I lost him but I didn’t. And thats all ill say about it it ended sad and I could hear in his voice I’m not the only one hurting he just sucks at even showing this emotion do u love me….the reply was given basically then I love you it hasn’t sounded that way in never and click. The little details are out but this is basically what I can think of now it was about 30 minutes it was a lot.. The Instagram pictures are gone. And d is posted. I’m not even sure if giving an opinion on this is ok but b basically It feels empty I deleted the February picture and kept it moving… I started this at 2:58 am and its 3:40 and I’m still sitting here with a million and one things on my mind. School is in 4 days and I still need a week tomorrow I’m asking my mom I really need it. I need anxiety help and I need weight help just the month of December I lost 4 pounds shit is real its no longer a joke

Idk if I want help or I wanna give up, cutting ur self is super middle school, and pills are a game… tonight I’m feeling like I’m tired I’m tired of it all I don’t wanna deal with anything going on anymore and I say this with my eyes getting teary eyed I’m fucking tired honest to the god I don’t even know if belive In I’m fucking tired I wanna die I’m making my moms life harder and she already has her own shit I’m not happy I’m not motivated ion wanna do this shit anymore I’m fucking tired still havent blocked him yo sitting here thinking of what to do. Will writing it then reading it make it better?? Pills an option but the what ifs still sit. If I try it and nothing happens I’m forcing myself to keep it pushing but if anything at all happens then it was the right thing I’m sad I’m not alone but it feels like it I gotta work on things so many damn things I mean here goes nothing I think I got 2 benadryls Advil and other shit ill see what I pull out the bag for the record it was nobody fault but mine I’m just fucking tired drained and ready to give up I love u all so much always checking making sure I’m staright. I gone make this future happen if I don’t make this happen. And I dont know how u end this.. goodnight xo 54 minutes of pure feellings and my head is still going on at it.

update I woke up the next morning with a huge headache and disappointed

#jan5 #depressing thoughts #feelings #heartbreak #anxitey

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