#ill be resting a lot for the rest of the week too
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michelle's buddie fic recs: week 45!
what a week... i'm greatly enjoying all of the post-8x06 buddie fic (many more recs to come!) and took some time to revisit old favourites, which can be found in previous rec lists. enjoy!
this is a mix of fics with all ratings, so some include NSFW content. please take a look at both the ratings and the fic tags before reading! some might also contain spoilers for season 8.
if you come across something you like in this list, remember to show some love to the author by leaving kudos and a comment!
all that we need | not1_2write | 26.4k | M
When Buck buys a Powerball lottery ticket he doesn't think much beyond his need for change to air up his tire. He forgets all about the ticket until word spreads that the winning ticket was sold in LA and hasn't been claimed yet and pretty much dismisses it. After all, there's no way he won the lottery. Turns out no, he really did win the Powerball, to the tune of 295 million dollars and just in time for Christmas. He's going to make sure the 118 has the best Christmas of their lives. And just maybe he'll have a good one too. idk about all of you but i do dream about winning the lottery regularly (way too often for someone who's never bought a ticket, that's for sure). this is such a lovely look at what buck would do with a whole lot of money <3
i take this magnetic force of a man | playinginthunderstorms/@playinginthunderstorms | 9k | M
Turns out, he isn’t actually afraid of commitment. He’s just afraid of committing to the wrong thing, or the wrong person. Ana, obviously, had been a mistake, because he hadn’t been ready, and he’d put other people’s expectations above his own wants and needs. With Marisol, he’s done the same thing. Moved too fast, doing what he thinks is the right thing according to who? His parents? For Chris’s benefit? Again, pushing past his own comfort, discarding any doubt because it doesn’t fit like… Like Buck. blanket rec for one of my favourite authors who has been posting incredible fics lately!! this one in particular is so beautifully written and so romantic and just so very buddie <3
if i need to rearrange my particules i will for you | thelikesofus/@thelikesofus | 7.9k | GA
Eddie catches a cold and Buck takes care of him while having a minor, non-platonic emotional crisis. this is definitely influenced by the fact that i've been ill myself but wow truly nothing hits as hard as buddie taking care of each other when one of them isn't feeling well. the bed sharing in this is so good <3
let me | facewithoutheart/@facewithoutheart | 1.6k | T
Eddie doesn't think he needs romance. Buck, respectfully, disagrees. AKA the fic where Buck picks Eddie up and kisses him breathless against a wall. and buck is so right for doing that!! i love it when buck turns eddie to jello <3 so lovely!
second child, restless child | lesbianrobin/@lesbianrobin | 23k and counting| M
how Evan and Maddie make it out of Pennsylvania, and Buck and Maddie build a family. okay so listen these past few weeks i've been doing this thing where i only rec finished fics, and every time i scroll through my ao3 history for these rec lists, i come across this one and go oh i wish i could rec this already. and then i realised wait it's my rec list i can do whatever i want, and so then i did. anyway, mind the tags for this one, but wow are you in for a treat here! i love the character dynamics (chim is brilliant in this!! and maddie!!) and i'm so so excited to see the rest of this fic unfold <3
said that i was fine, said it from my coffin | justhockey/tumblr | 7.3k | T
And it doesn’t matter that he feels like he’s dying. Like the version of himself that he’s always been is suddenly a stranger to him - just a mask he’d spent his entire life hiding behind, without ever even realising he was wearing it. It doesn’t matter that Eddie is…that he’s gay. Because he knows - as surely as he knows that the sun will rise again tomorrow - that the only person he has ever, and will ever, truly love is Buck. And Buck isn’t his to love. another blanket rec for an author who's been posting incredible fics!! this one in particular has such brilliant eddie characterisation and i just devoured it the second i got that little ao3 email hehe
there's no place like home-spun | icewhisper | 4.1k | GA
Buck has spent most of his life trying to find something to settle fidgeting hands and the restless need for a home. He found the key to the latter when he was thirteen. He finds the former in a cozy home on South Bedford Street with two of his favorite people. (AKA the Buck-crochets fic that literally no one asked for.). this fic makes me want to learn how to crochet. i am the least crafty person ever and i have like minus time but just know that if two weeks from now i'm posting about yarn and crochet hooks and whatnot, it's all thanks to this fic. i love buck who crochets so very much <3
you get your dreams for free | llovely/@butchdiaz| 14.9k | T
five times buck and eddie cuddle drunk and one time they cuddle sober. buddie bed sharing my absolute favourite. i read this late at night curled up under three blankets and it hit just right <3
#a bit of a shorter list than usual cause i've been rereading previously recced stuff#makes me so glad i have a masterlist spreadsheet so i don't have to dig through old posts to see what's been recced before#buddie#buddie fic#buddie fic rec#911 abc#911 fic#911 fic rec#michelle’s recs#fic rec list
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The Boys with a Stomach Bug (AGSZC)
We saw them with their SO/roommate/friend, now we see how they would act if they were the sick ones!
Angeal:
Mournfully turns into a sad depression rock and hides. He would keep working, but he's responsible enough to know that he's contagious. He tries to take home a huge stack of work, but he can't finish it because he's too miserable.
Passively tries to hint that he wants someone to take care of him, but won't say it outright.
"No, no, it's alright, I wouldn't want you to get sick too..." *Sad cough, despite not being sick with a cough*
He will accept glasses of water delivered to his door, but only if you press him, and he will refuse to let you in.
He will struggle through alone with vaporub on his elbows, powdered Gatorade in a gallon-sized jug, a raw piece of ginger root on his nightstand, and potato peels in his socks.
Genesis:
Canonically, he will make it everyone else's problem too.
Hugging the toilet, asking the goddess why she hath forsaken him. Hugging a bucket, sitting on the SOLDIER common room sofa, asking why no one cares if he dies. Hugging a pillow, asking why Angeal is in the kitchen instead of here with him.
He will try to stay at work, only to dramatically run out of his office to the closest executive bathroom and loudly get sick every hour until he's forcibly sent home.
He will complain about every little annoyance and text regular updates and beg Momgeal to bring him something else.
He will get half the SOLDIERs sick and cause massive staffing shortages.
Sephiroth:
Never gets sick and everyone hates him for that.
HOWEVER, if he gets experimented on or recklessly eats gas station sushi, he turns into the saddest, loneliest, wettest kitten and quietly shuts himself away, wishing for his mother.
If he's expected at work, he attends and just looks miserable the whole time until Lazard sends him home.
He's quieter than Angeal, and doesn't solicit or refuse help, because he doesn't think he deserves it, and is too confused to refuse when it shows up.
He also doesn't help himself. He stays hydrated and minimizes mess, meaning he spends a lot of time lying on the bathroom floor and drinking from the tap until he's operational again.
Where is momther?
Zack:
Gets suddenly and violently ill in the middle of practice.
He doesn't ask for people to show up and take care of him, but they can't help themselves and show up anyway.
As soon as they're in his apartment, he's excited to have friends, but it's pathetic to see, because instead of squatting, he tries a wobbly, tearful grin.
He's not demanding, but he asks for a lot and prefers not to be alone. He likes to sit on the couch, and will ask for popsicles please and soup and water and juice if you don't mind, and then he'll throw up because he tried it too soon.
He recovers quickly and thoroughly, and is jokingly hated for it because what was a 24 hour bug for him has the rest of SOLDIER (who he infected) needing a week off at a time.
He's forgiven, because he's really sweet and helpful to everyone else.
Cloud:
Can't afford time off, so throws up into random bushes and keeps stumbling forward.
He's given 12 hours of leave after he passes out from dehydration and sickness mid-patrol, which means he returns still sick and passes out again.
This time they drop him off in the infirmary to suffer alone until he's cleared for duty.
He's miserable and just sleeps as much as he can and survives out of spite.
He mostly wants to be left alone to perish in peace and is agonizing over how this is going to disqualify him from SOLDIER somehow, until Zack calls.
He doesn't tell Zack what happened until Zack weasels it out of him. Then Zack shows up with Kunsel and a massive cauldron of Angeal's soup.
Cloud pretends to hate it, but secretly soaks up the attention like a sponge until he gets embarrassed and pretends to fall asleep while Zack sings to him.
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saturday night surprise
summary: after a long week of hardly getting to see each other, you surprise marcello at snl. requested by anonymous.
coming home to an empty house, particularly after a rough day, was always the worst ending. and it was your least favorite part about being in a relationship with someone who’s work schedule was so different than yours.
this week was an exceptionally busy week for marcello. starting the previous sunday, leading into an off week from snl, he had a few stand up shows in new york and surrounding areas. he was gone for a couple of days, then was back in the city for other promotional stuff; guest spots on a few talk shows, filming commercials, and other things. by the time that was all said and done, it was monday again, and he was getting ready to go back to 30 rock to start working on the next snl episode back.
it was hard finding time to spend with each other, because you were busy with work too. granted your job didn’t take you all over the place, you still had long work days, that sometimes lasted you anywhere from 10 to 12 hours. most nights, you just wanted to come home to your boyfriend and lounge on the couch with junk food and tv shows. but with his increasing popularity, he was spread thin.
“how was your day?” marcello asked to you over facetime. he was taking a break between sketch rehearsals to eat and to take some time to talk with you.
“okay. work was busy, so it went by pretty fast. i’m just exhausted.” you let out a loud sigh. “i just wish you were here so we could spend the night together. you know i always sleep better when you’re with me.”
“i know, baby. i’m sorry. i wish i was home too, but there have been a ton of rewrites and rehearsals have been taking extra long this week. at least tomorrow is show day, and ill be back with you on sunday. i still hate that you’re gonna miss the show.” he pouted.
“me too. i just have a lot of work i have to finished before monday.” you sighed. “but sunday, we’re both free, and will have a true day of rest.”
“finally. i’ve missed you.” he sighed.
“i’ve missed you too.” you and marcello talked for a little while longer before he had to get back to rehearsal. you shared your good nights and i love yous, and hung up. you finished your dinner before moving to your bed.
the next night was saturday, and you and marcello had the briefest of exchanges before you went your separate ways for the day. you had some errands to tend to, and you knew he’d be gone to work by the time you were finished. upon your return home, you got started on the projects and paperwork you needed to finish for your job, returned some emails and sat through a couple meetings. as you were wrapping up, you checked the time and saw that it was getting close to 11:30.
deciding you didn’t want to sit home alone all night, you got ready and headed out to 30 rock. you arrived at the nbc studios, and went in. luckily, you were on marcello’s guest list, and they let you in and led you upstairs. you successfully evaded other snl cast members, writers, and producers, and followed the motion into the audience before the show started.
you took your seat on the lower level, at the end of the row. the crew was bustling around as they were getting ready for the show to start. the stage was finally set for the cold open, and the show began.
the first couple of sketches went by, and you’d been laughing the whole time. as the show went on, the sets changed, and the casts changed in and out of costumes, you’d successfully made it through half the show without being noticed.
you watched as marcello took the stage, getting ready for the next sketch. he was standing with a couple other cast members when he turned in your direction. you watched as his eyes scanned the crowd, finally landing on you. you watched as the widest smile spread across his face, and the lightest tinge of pink flushed to his cheeks. he shot you a wink before the show came back from commercial.
you laughed throughout the entire sketch, and marcello kept shooting glances in your direction just to make sure you were enjoying it. once it ended, marcello walked off the stage, into the crowd, and took your hand in his, pulling you up from your chair. he led you through winding hallways before returning back to quick change area.
once you were well hidden away from the cast and crew, marcello took your face in his hands and pressed a hard kiss to your lips.
“what are you doing here?! i thought you couldn’t get away from work?” he asked, out of breath when he separated his lips from yours.
“i finished early, and i missed you too much to spend another night without you.” you said, kissing him again.
“i’m so happy you’re here.” he said softly, smiling at you.
“me too.”
marcello wrapped his arm around your shoulder and led you back to his dressing room. the show was almost over, and he wasn’t in the last sketch, you the two of you hung out and watched the end of the episode until he had to be back onstage for goodnights. afterwards, once it was time to leave, the two of you headed home, blissfully anticipating finally getting to spend the night together. once you got back home, you both began to wind down and get ready for bed.
you were laying down in bed, watching marcello move around the room until he finally joined you under the covers. he quickly came to your side, wrapping an arm around your waist and peppering your skin with kisses, starting on your arm, trailing up to your shoulder, your neck, your cheek, then finally meeting your lips.
“i love you.” he said softly, resting his forehead.
“i love you.” you repeated. you shared another kiss before finally turning the lights out and going to bed. the two of you slept better than you had in weeks, knowing that you didn’t have to get up the next morning, and could finally just be with each other.
#marcello hernandez#marcello hernandez imagine#marcello hernandez imagines#marcello hernandez x reader#saturday night live#snl
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Off to the dentist, getting a root canal yuck... Have posts queued but i will most likely be resting all day.
#ᴏᴜᴛ ᴏꜰ Qᴜᴇꜱᴛꜱ. ( ooc )#dentist tw#ill be resting a lot for the rest of the week too#feel free to ask for my disc ill be on there
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"You know... You didn't have to take that with you."
"But I promised him I'd take him out to see the ocean one day."
#for context uhmm how do i explain this#so around a few weeks after Jd arrives Bruce is like “Hey... where are the others?”#and Jd is like “ooooh 🤪🤪 he doesnt know...”#Since at this time JD believes that the entire tribe is dead. including his brothers and grandma#so Jd has to take Bruce to the now abandoned troll tree and give him the bad news#Bruce doesnt believe it at first. even if the tree is abandoned they cant be dead? right?? they cant be#so he rushes over to their grandma's pod. thinking that theyre just in hiding and waiting for them to return#and all Bruce is able to find in the empty pod is Branch's old stuffed toy Croco#which solidifies to Bruce that everyone is dead. their friends their family. everyone#Bruce is obviously devastated by the news. he doesnt show it a lot but he doesnt take it too well#he ends up bringing Croco with him back to Vacay Island and patches Croco up#since Croco is a bit worn out due to being left in the pod for years#and since then Bruce always keeps Croco hidden in his hair. both as a memoir of his baby brother#and also a reminder of how he failed as an older brother... ouch#ofc the others arent dead. its just that now both Jd AND Bruce believe that the rest of the trolls are dead#also King Trollex is there bc i wanted to put him there. I like Trollex :]#a knee ways more bb au art i promise the next bb au art will be lighthearted#tho now im gonna work on the next violet gijinka batch bc ive been starving my friendlocke audience for too long#sorry friendlocke fans ill feed u next dw#cherris canvas#trolls#trolls band together#trolls john dory#john dory trolls#trolls bruce#bruce trolls#king trollex#beach bros au#sorry for rambling in the tags i hope u dont mind ahaha
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...
#im at such a weird point in my life. trying to choose between a phd and a doomed life as an academic and like just not doing that.#its crazy how not terrible i feel when im not in school. just give me tasks to do and i will do them. dont let me think.#but then im just avoiding my responsibilities. i dunno. i just feel like i would be happier with a structured job that ends when the day#is over. which is y my dad thinks i should get a government job. one of my former lab mates got a government job and he's settling into#spending the rest of his life out in Colorado. which is so weird. i dont kno how long ill be in the place im in now. will it b 4 more years?#or will it be only a few months? will i go back to school in the fall? its looking like yes bc i dont have a job lined up. but maybe ill#keep applying and dip out. let my dreams die in favor of balance and sanity. maybe some things arent meant to be.#its just so gutting. i was talking to my coworker this week. saying that im interested in so many things. i could have studied anything else#and traveled a completely different path. and a guy across the room was like: its never too late. but it feels like its too late. too late#to spend another impossible amount of money on getting a different degree. restarting on a second masters project. im almost 30.#im supposed to b saving money so that i can not work forever. but i cant do that if im just a student forever. so maybe i should just get a#job. god. but theres so much i still want to learn. and im in the perfect program for everything i thought i wanted. im in the perfect place#but everything's falling to pieces. whatever. i. just tired bc im on day 5 of work and have to go in for a day 6.#doing something i havent done before all day. but after than im going home for a week. so ill have lots to contemplate in the airport.#this is not how i thought things would turn out. but im glad im spending the summer working where i am. im learning lots on a human to human#level. and no one bleieves im 27 bc i apparently have a bby face lol. nope im 11 yrs older than u my 16yo coworker#unrelated
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(venting in the tags ignore this lol)
#minhmy.rambles#(i just need to shout this somewhere where my friends don't see so they don't worry too much about me)#but oh my god work just got worse for this week im already working every day but tomorrow (aka in six and a half hours)#i will start at 5am and end at 9pm aka a double shift bc my coworker tested positive and there's no one else that can work#just for tomorrow but the rest of the week ill be working 1-9#which i hate even though im used to it night shifts are just boringgggg and takes up a lot of my time#which i already have so little of#my mom said i should clean my closet and i was going to tomorrow bc i wanted to play grandfest today but now i cant do that#bc ill literally be at work all day lol#and god its just so hard its so so hard but it could be worse. it literally could be worse#i cant be here as much anymore bc im so busy and tired i just draw when i can and drop them all here and leave#and i miss writing a lot but i have even less time and even less motivation and the more i work the more awful i feel#and i don't want to worry anyone like . i just don't#but its so difficult for me it really is#theres so many things i want to do but i cant do any of it and im so tired im literally so tired#like im not gonna end my life kinda tired i have a lot to look forward to. but work just really sucks and i am Tired#and i Like my job its literally the easiest and ill never have something like this again#but urghghghh. urggfhhghgh. death pain and suffering#if i draw more sif and loop suffering lol. this is why. i need to get the emotions out somehow and i don't want to cry over it#i cant cry bc i need to work i just have to keep my head up i just have to keep at it i just have to be strong and not break#i can do it i can.. i know i can i've been through worse#its just. augh.#ok done. sorry i rly rly should sleep soon bc of my 16 hour shift tmrw lol its past 10:30pm already
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Today I bought something I needed instead of just whining that I dont have a decent waterproof coat please applause me
#and now i am forbidden from buying things for the rest of the week#(tbh ill be fine financhally and i wont starve at all im just trying to live less wasteful and spend less overall)#i need me that emergency fund. and also i need a new phone and thats gonna cost me liek £500 ish#not including the bills cause im still mulling over which provider to go with#yay adulting!!!!!!!#i just figured to get the coat first cause i do a lot a lot of walking#i need summer shoes too but im debating wether i wait until next year and just live with my shitty primark ones for a few months#i have docs for winter that I got 2 years ago and are still doin perfectly fine so :P
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So yesterday I tested positive for a type of Flu (apparently the vaccine I got in early October is for only one other kind of Flu...the fuck...).
My asthmatic ass will likely be out of work for the whole rest of the week, lest I get Full-Blown-Pneumonia And That Would Be Bad.
But my job took very good, very quick care of me. One of my coworkers and dear friends swabbed my nose. One of my doctors that I work for called in Tamiiflu for me (it comes in pill form! I had no idea!!), and both my doctors that I work with bombarded me with texts last night and this morning with stringent advice on what to take and to rest, rest, rest.
And my mama is bringing me home some of the other medicines and vitamin supplements I need, along with yummy ginger ale.
I miss my coworkers and I woke up with No Voice and a Monster Headache, but...well, at least I can catch up on My Hero Academia and Spy x Family!
Ya'll keep me company this week, huh?
#...But of course the higher-up HR's give us no sick leave...and I just came off vacay about 2 weeks ago...#I still have LOTS of money leftover so it won't hurt too much but ayyyyy...#The main thing is resting and NOT getting pneumonia#Amarie talks#Illness tw
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#my digestive issues are literally under the most control they have ever been in my life and they are still ruining my life#woke up fine today. went to a coffee shop. had to leave after an hour#i had so many plans for today and now i'm stuck at home because i can't be too far away from a bathroom#i didn't eat anything that would trigger this. my gut just hates me i guess#earlier this month i have a risk food but i thought i took enough precautions to be safe and it fucked me up for like#2 weeks straight#i wonder what its like for people to not have to wonder about bathroom access every time they leave the house#i wonder what its like to eat normal foods without calculating how sick its going to make you#i wonder what its like to not have entire plans tossed out the window for reasons beyond your control#fucking sucks man#i hate ibs#in exchange for my terrible gut i do have a fantastic immune system somehow but weirdly that means i never take time off work?#ok so i am so good at just managing my issues that i just power through whenever im sick.#it's not like i can afford to take time off whenever i feel sick anyway and besides once you have to take multiple AP tests in high school#while in the middle of an episode you grow a lot of tolerance for being functional while sick#but then. i just i could have excuses to take days off because i have a cold or something. get a rest every now and then#but what illnesses i get beyond digestion issues are so slight that i can just. power through. i am never ill enough to take time off#and i get so worried that one day I will need that PTO that I can't convince myself to use it for like mental health days and ugh#this is more of a personal problem than anything but still. i wish i got sick like a normal person
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🌚
#welp#im finalizing my work divorce tonight#final date of leave is gonna be the 26th#then im giving myself a week of rest and recoup#before jumping into my new job#today was a hard day and it just further made me feel good about my choices#and im looking forward to this new gig#cause theyre gonna help me get certified as a counselor already#it'll be good i think#if not i can fuck off and go find another job 😂#anyway im going through a divorce#its messy#thats why i havent been writing a lot#will be doing more soon#got outlines and other stuff done#thank you for the drabble requests#ill work on them when my brain isn't fried#if someone can yeet an ardyn one at me too#and a heisenberg one ill kiss you full on the mouth#love you dudes#fuck work#should clarify work divorce#not an actual divorce
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tried going to bed early bc ive just been sitting staring at the wall or my phone all afternoon but it's been 3 hours now and I can't stop crying. :(
#I dont even know why im so fucking sad. this last week has felt like getting hit by a train repeatedly for no reason whatsoever#and it fucking hurts so bad and i cant fix it because i dont know whats wrong!!!!!!#i think thsts why its been so hard sleeping lately like my brain is problem solving but theres nothing there to be solved#and i dont even have anyone to talk to about it and even if i did i wouldnt have anything to say bc i dont know im just fucking. sad#like yeah ive gotten upset abt other things but thats me projecting my mental state onto everything. theres no original cause#unless it really is just pms and some hormonal shit which is likely but kinda insane to think abt. like yeah my body has decided#to flood the entire fucking system with Kill That Egg™ for a straight week except its too effective and makes me want to kill myself also#but apparently not fucking effective enough to start my actual fucking period. yippee#i want a thousand year long hug and to cry rly snottily into someones shirt and then to fall asleep and wake up feeling rested#man. nothing makes me feel any different. exercising and sleeping and socialising and eating and showering and reading#and i can feel my interest in things trickling away like i havent been able to do a lot of shit i rly want to bc of this barrier#and ive been trying to make myself do some things regardless bc inactivity will just make it worse. but nothing works!!!!!!!#i dont even know anymore man. i do everything right and im still as depressed as i was like 8 years ago#and i know thats just the depressed brain talking like i know i dont constantly feel like this but its hard to see outside of it man#u spend ur whole life drowning but its ok bc sometimes u get ur head above the surface long enough to take a breath or whatever#insert overused mentally ill metaphor here etcetcetc#ok i think ive run out of things to say im gonna try sleep again. day 1 billion of making longass vent posts sorry everyone#gn#.vent
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This wretched sudden health complication the past few days threw off my entire plan for my Draft I had to ask for another extension cuz of it orz... I'm going to sooo get to the final product after I write enough for this month.
#aria rants#i wanted to write 5k words on it literally on sunday cuz i was like: the check-in's deadline is on the 24th. itd be so great if i can get#5k words and more added to it in the span of the week! *health complication happened spanning for 3 days and then some*#aw dang it orz... and ill be going to my sister's house too which means ill be away from the pc meaning... i wouldnt be able#to type it all out easily (i can still work on the draft on mobile cuz its in google docs but augh... touch typing... difficult...)#im going to write so much on pen and paper during my stay with my sister honestly and then maybe type some out on mobile and just#do the rest on the pc when i get back but at least! i can still work on it 👀 and hopefully i get to work on it lots! to completion!!!
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#genuinely considering just givinf up on sleep.#i might try resting but im on day 2 of lots of pain and at this point i think id rather distract myself instead of laying in bed#i did that last night and it made my brain very not happy#but i know that youre supposed to and senshi would be unhappy but damn mother nature got hands#i need my brain to chill out too nothing is working anymore not even my edibles#its so late my aunt across the country is sending me her good morning pics#im so glad she does her home looks so pretty right now because its been raining every week at minimum there#meanwhile its hot and miserable here and i cant go swimming because theres lead in tampons#jo babbles#ill go to sleep my husband would scoop me up and gently bully me if i didnt and im not letting him hurt his back#because my brain is messed up
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wanted to write smth abt top surgery ⬇️
#not fandom related#personal log stardate#trans stuff#ok so ive been wanting top surgery longer than ive wanted to go on T. my chest makes me the most dysphoric and if it wasnt so hard to acces#top surgery i wouldve gotten it long ago lol#so the hardest for me is the many steps that are involved. finding and contacting a surgeon. getting there for a 1st appointment#for the sugery for getting the stitches out. getting Surgery in general and its risks. staying at a hospital which is not my#Routine environment. possible pain itching restriction in movement complications. the results might no be as expected#just a lot of steps involved that require me to step out of my comfort zone and stay out of it for a longer time as well.#but what are a few weeks of discomfort compared to a chesticle free rest of my life right. so i def Want it#but. there are like 3 decent top surgeons that have a lot of experience in my country that i know of. id have to travel at least 4 hrs#or longer and ive never driven my car for that long and im too scared to take the train/bus by myself and i dont think i could make myself#do it. like. if it didnt involve all that other scary stuff i might manage to try taking a train by myself. but just the train. nothing els#i just cant tackle several things that are difficult and uncomfortable at the same time.#ive read that a few ppl have gotten top surgery in the city i live#ive taken the bus and tram here. no problem. this would be perfect#only problem is there are almost no reviews on those surgeons. there seem to be at least 2 thatve done top surgery. idk who the 'main'#surgeon is. ive seen like 4 result pictures that ppl have posted. ive talked to 1 person whose currently 3 mo post-op but said they#might get a revision done if the results wont look better in a few months. the surgeons themselves dont mention top surgery on their websit#one mentions doing surgery for gynecomastia so this is probably the one ill contact first#basically there is barely any information available. if it comes down the surgeons might not even have done many top surgeries#so my results might not look good. i dont necessarily need it to be perfect. i just want my chest flat. i dont plan on being shirtless#except for doctors appointments and sex if ill ever have any. its unlikely ill go swimming in public and there i would probably wear a#rash guard anyway to protect myself from the uv rays. so my priority is a chest that looks flat underneath clothes. and if it looks like#shit i can get a revision if i want to . i think im gonna contact the surgeons here and prepare a list of questions for the appointment#i feel like i can take these steps. but i cant take them w the far-away surgeons. im gonna talk to my therapist abt this as well. maybe the#have some information on the surgeons here. i also contacted the local queer organization but i havent heard back yet :/
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#delete later#theres gunk in my lungs and i feel it crackling abd i want it fuckin GONE so here i am laid on my side with my hips raised#above my chest so it hopefully dislodges abd it is working but feeld SO GROSS and is not helping the sinus headache#ive never had crackly coughs as far as i cab remember abd oh my god theysuck???#my little sisyer gets ill a lot abd thibgs settle in her chest real easy abd all i can say is that sje is a STRONGER PERSON THAN ME#when it comes to illnesses#i hate this shit#ive emailed to let my manaher know i cant commute in tomorrow and ill see if i can sit upright long enough to work from home in the morning#im not sure i will. honestly even if i do i may call in sick anyway bc this fatigue is unreal#im always exhausted#i lie down multiple times a day snd if i dont thwn I'm fucked the next couppe of days#but this is next level#dizzy and shaky WHILST LAID DOWN#that was when my temperature was fucked tbf. that stopped this morninh thank god. we'd gotten to the three day#start to be concerned window but it stopped so we're fine#i also looked up chest infection advice bc thats what my flatmate reckons it is and got told that unless i can't breathe or its#been over a week to just rest#as it's probably viral too and caused by the illness my flatmate has. antibiotics dont work on that type#so unless fever comes back im gonna be waiting for improvements
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