#ill be real the only reason i drafted up this post

[rootspiral]

This is gonna be a long one so buckle up. And I’m going to apologize in advance if I repeat anything you said, I’ve had this saved in my drafts for a couple days now. The way this entire trial is set up makes me absolutely feral.

The way Agatha’s trial is presented as a teen sleepover with friends (and gf) and then all of them turn on her. The way they all immediately want to leave her behind despite the fact that it was Agatha who uplifted them and got them through the first two trials (despite any ulterior motives) because they buy into the story (half truth) that Agatha can’t be trusted. When it’s Agatha’s turn to be supported they fail her, let her fall.

The way Agatha reverts to something so vulnerable when Evanora shows up, saying classic teen lines (“gee mom quit embarrassing me in front of my friends”). How she reverts to begging and saying “I can be good” when she genuinely thinks she’s about to be abandoned again, something she told her mom right before her first coven tried to kill her for… wanting knowledge, because Evanora took one look at a baby and saw something wrong. Agatha is genuinely terrified, knows Evanora hates her so entirely. She is a lot of the reason why Agatha is the way she is.

It doesn’t matter that she knows the Road itself is fake, Billy’s magic has done the worst thing it could possibly do to her and put her at the mercy of Evanora and her new coven when she’s completely mentally, physically, and emotionally vulnerable. When she’s dressed as a teen at a slumber party being ousted and persecuted by “mean girls” and her closed minded mother. “Tie her up, humiliate her, leave her with her tormentor.”

Her only defender being her gf (wife) who refuses to leave Agatha with Evanora for even a moment, who refuses to even play along with the idea under the pretense of the Road having rules. Even as a joke, even as someone who acts like they’re just here for the chaos, real or not Rio refuses to let Evanora lay a hand on Agatha.

There’s also something to say of the queer context for this scene but I feel unequipped to properly dissect all that with any coherency.

haha coherency isn't my strong suit either, but I also really want to explore the parallels between agatha's upbringing and queerness. i see a lot of parallels this show can draw with race and mental illness too - in short, being in a marginalized group has its specific downfalls but some general patterns too, both in the way the outside world treats you and the way members of the group treat each other.

and yes, I agree that this trial was 30 minutes of horrible, senseless torture for agatha. I'll get to all that tomorrow and in the next entries, but I do belive - with reserve - that agatha wasn't in control. thank you so much for your contribution and for always engaging with my posts, I really appreciate it!

[littleeyesofpallas]

NINJA to KOROSHIYA no FUTARIGARASHI[忍者と殺し屋のふたりぐらし]

[oceanlipgloss]

MEPHISTOPHELES

introductory note: this post has been in my drafts for quite some time, slowly and objectively getting spoon-fed with important things I learn about Mephistopheles; and now that the newest lesson is out, I'm happy I decided to wait to put it up. It's going to be lengthy, but it's categorised with titles, so navigation should be fairly easy.

⭑⭑⭑´ˎ˗

To begin with, it's upsetting enough when someone is misunderstood and treated in an unjust manner as a result; but when there aren't even any attempts made to understand them, that's truly not tolerable. At all. Even if that someone is only a compound of pixels.

Besides the prejudice, such behaviour says something about its people and portrays how they may deal with individuals (similar to the characters they're hating on) in real life. This is something that's horribly common in fandoms, but it's in no way whatsoever acceptable or right.

It's also so strange how some characters are excused, accepted, tolerated and swooned over when/if they do similar/worse/horrid things, while others are blatantly blamed. So I ask: why the hypocrisy?

This is something forgotten by many: loving a character is a package that includes accepting their mistakes and shortcomings, but loving them neither means that they're perfect, nor makes a mistake they make acceptable just because they're the ones who made it. A mistake is a mistake, and a shortcoming is a shortcoming.

Mephistopheles is one of my all-time favourite characters, and my favourite in the franchise as well. I love him so, so much. However, that's just one reason as to why it hurts to see how misunderstood and disliked he is; the sheer hatred directed at his character and shallow understanding of his person are so unfair and, quite frankly, very ill-based.

He may behave like an arrogant, rude and traditional aristocrat most of the time, but numerous reasons and factors stand behind his behaviour and viewpoints (even though they aren't always entirely right).

But: he's mostly painted in negative tones, as it's normally ignored or forgotten how, in reality, he's sweet, awkward, honest and kind; his actions tend to go against the mean things or claims he might say, and reflect who he is on the inside instead.

More importantly, he's lonely and deeply hurt—rightfully and understandably so—that is an undeniable fact which he himself admitted.

THE HERITAGE

Numerous times throughout the story, Mephistopheles says that—for generation upon generation—his family has been serving the royal one, whether it be as knights or otherwise, and he, no different, was raised to do just that. He was born to do just that.

However, an additional objective was added to his agenda: he was not only to serve the demon king or prince, but also become the latter's friend.

Mephistopheles was, quite literally, brought up to be Diavolo's friend; and as he apparently seems to keep to himself and doesn't talk about any other friends or even acquaintances (so far), I suspect that means Diavolo is—was—his sole friend.

As per the royals' wishes, the two children grew up together—one became the heir to the throne, while the other became that heir's right hand man.

Again, Mephistopheles is not merely a member of the demonic aristocracy; the family he comes from is explicitly dedicated to serving and protecting the royal family, and it has been for thousands of centuries. It's very important to keep this in mind, because that ancient heritage most likely founded many of his viewpoints, beliefs, and opinions (like his thoughts on humans and fallen angels).

With such heritage comes the burden of a great responsibility, as well as immense pride and honor. So, by becoming Diavolo's right hand man, Mephistopheles was able to fulfill his role—and hence his destiny—as well as respect his family's golden heritage and treasure his honor.

However, when Lucifer—a newcomer, and a fallen angel nonetheless—came into the picture, everything took a drastic turn for Mephistopheles. He lost his (possibly only) friend. He lost his position. And since he was the first member of his family to be released from the duty of directly serving the royal family, there was an unexpected stutter in his own family's continuous heritage (of tending to the royals). This, in turn, hurt not only his feelings, but also wounded his pride and injured his honor (as well as his family's).

As such, what Mephistopheles is feeling doesn't just stem from something as simple as jealousy. On the contrary, Mephistopheles feels as though his honor and pride have been marred, his self-esteem and worth have gotten cracked, his family has been disgraced, and that's all because he was robbed of his position—meaning his very purpose in life—due to the prince's friendship with a stranger, a fallen angel.

His destiny to benefit the prince (which had been decided for him even before his birth) was broken right before his eyes, yet he could do nothing but watch from afar, because he was raised to follow the royal family's every command, accept their every whim and go through with their every desire. These proprieties are a law that flows in his blood and was carved into his very bones.

All he could do was try to prove himself, his skills and his very worth to Diavolo again and again and again.

THE MINDSET

As aforementioned: seeing as Mephistopheles descends from a family whose entire bloodline has been dedicated to the royal one, his mindset was formed by that family's old traditions; and he believes in those traditions, which is why, in his mind, a fallen angel and a demon are not equals.

Prior to Diavolo's reign, no Demon King had made any attempt to form friendly relations and harmony between the three realms. This means that, up until that point, angels and demons (as well as humans) still held on to their own beliefs, believed that each of them is superior to the other, had no interest in communication or so much as considering the other party's views, and still gave their own interests importance over those of others/humans (more so in the case of demons).

This animosity portrays itself clearly in Lucifer's severe reactions to Diavolo and his views on demons from back when he was still a seraph. Even the way other angels talked about demons shows a certain coldness. And the same goes for demons; they all viewed Lucifer and his brothers as fallen angels—absolutely unwelcome outcasts—and the shopkeepers of those were not even willing to let them into their stores; rather, they made a point to force and kick them out, like they did to Mammon.

This tension between the realms encouraged Diavolo to found RAD and put together the exchange program (even though at that point, he himself still believed humans were inferior in a sense).

Some demons, however, still clutched their traditional views close and were unwilling to let them go. Mephistopheles is one of those demons; he berates Lucifer and his brothers for being fallen angels, and looks down on MC for being a 'lowly' human. There's much more to his opinions than some people think (and nobility played its part in forming them), but behaving as he did, of course, was not quite the right thing to do.

Now, families such as the one Mephistopheles comes from are founded on particular, timeless traditions—traditions that Diavolo revolted against, if you will, and began to change through the exchange program by focusing on angel, demon and human interaction. This was hard for even lower-level demons to adjust to, so it must have been much, much harder for someone like Mephistopheles.

And considering his family's status, Mephistopheles has always lived in an atmosphere of political views and is always aware of all the 'national' news and occurences in the Devildom. All this made him patriotic, and that's a reason why he believes that the Devildom is for demons and demons alone, and yet another reason that feeds his scorn for Lucifer and his disdain for the avatar's brothers.

THE FALLEN ANGELS

Lucifer being a fallen angel is not the sole reason as to why Mephistopheles hates him.

Mephistopheles does not hate the brothers simply for their backgrounds or even just for being close to Diavolo, because there's also how he also considers them a threat to his homeland.

He thinks of them as lethal weapons. He blames them for the fear and anxiety hanging over the Devildom. He worries that his homeland would be destroyed due to their presence.

What happened to the brothers was hard, and it wasn't their fault that they had nowhere else to go, but in a way, he's right, because by giving the seven demons a home in the Devildom, Diavolo put the entire land at a risk much too grand, and the lives of his subjects at the mercy of the Celestial Realm.

THE PRINCE

When Diavolo met Lucifer, the celebrated seraph piqued his interest in such away that Lucifer almost became an obsession of his (not in a romantic context, but rather in a more 'exotic and interesting' one). Which is to say, Lucifer was not only a different species, but the most beautiful of that species, and to Diavolo he was a just that—a rare jewel, a dazzling novelty; with him came new experiences, too (i.e. talking to an angel for the first time ever).

Lucifer was one of the two greatest angels of the Celestial Realm, and Diavolo had lead a sheltered life, but no one had not heard about the prideful angel, and the demon prince was no exception. So, when the two finally met and conversed, Diavolo's interest skyrocketed and he wished for them to be friends.

What truly made friendship with Lucifer a necessity to Diavolo, though, was Lucifer's bold attitude and daring mannerisms. Mephistopheles had always treated Diavolo as a prince—formal and careful—but Lucifer treated him more like a friend.

Mephistopheles asks for permission before giving Diavolo his opinions, while Lucifer is not afraid to speak his mind—and that's what Diavolo wants: a fearless friend, not a reluctant advisor. And even when Mephistopheles voices his honest thoughts, Diavolo doesn't like what he hears, because his childhood friend becomes too intense as he clings to his beliefs and opposes affiliation with other species.

In the end, when Lucifer fell from grace, he and Diavolo came to spend a lot of time together, so much so that they became best friends; and as that friendship grew, Mephistopheles suddenly found himself being pushed out of Diavolo's circle—away from his childhood friend's side and away from his life, slowly but surely. That hurt him a lot and set alight within him hatred towards Lucifer, which is understandable; Lucifer had never meant to inflict pain on Mephistopheles, but he had indeed hurt him by 'taking' his rank and his friend—that's a fact. And, honestly, he sometimes does tend to needle him, which is really mean, but demons will be demons. I can appreciate the realism, at least.

Diavolo's mistake lies not in wanting to be friends with Lucifer, but in how he treated Mephistopheles as he formed that friendship. He began to spend little time with him and more time with Lucifer. He started to leave him out. He talked to him less and less. Eventually, it got to a point in which they only met up once in a blue moon (mentioned by Lucifer himself), and Mephistopheles either wouldn't even know about the latest occurences, or was the last to learn about them (even worse: sometimes he got to know thanks to humans, the outsiders).

The following statement(s) may be offensive to some, even though they've been shown or at least implied in both games so far; but if everything Mephistopheles was put through wasn't enough, Diavolo doesn't really seem to care much for Mephistopheles's constant efforts to display his skillset, or even respect his feelings whatsoever (i.e. inviting Lucifer and MC to join him and Mephistopheles for a dinner they were supposed to have together, even though he knows how Mephistopheles feels about Lucifer).

When one's childhood friend—who's most likely their only friend, too—treats them so heartlessly, pushes them away for the sake of someone new, and doesn't take their feelings into consideration, how are they not supposed to get severely hurt and upset?

THE EFFECTS

By orchestrating Mephistopheles's replacement, Diavolo delivered a huge blow not only to the latter's honor and pride, but also to his self-confidence.

Even if he usually boasts his bloodline and makes fun of Lucifer, deeming him unworthy, even if many think that he's pompous and suffers of no such thing as a mottled ego, the truth is, he probably does.

Why else would he ask Diavolo if he thinks Lucifer is better than he is? Why else is he always trying to prove himself to Diavolo and pounces at any chance he gets to do so? Why would he be happy once he got leeway to demonstrate his skills to the prince? Why would he force himself to work in journalism when he had no interest in the field if it were not to showcase his worth? It's not just about catering to the prince's wishes.

Of course, there is also the hint of a challenge towards Lucifer—the usual 'I'm better than you and I will prove it'—but that doesn't really compare to his other feelings.

He's lonely, and he really needs someone to talk to—someone who can listen to him and understand him without being insensitive or making a joke out of his thoughts, reactions and feelings. That shows in how, even when he had earlier avoided so much as greeting Solomon on the street, he immediately started pouring his heart out to him when the latter prodded him with an understanding statement.

He may constantly voice his objections and disapproval of Lucifer, but he could not truly object in the tangible sense. All he could do was try once and again to prove himself to Diavolo, in the hopes that the prince would see his talents and skills, perhaps choose him over Lucifer, and give him not his position as right hand man back, but rather his place as the trusted friend he can once again rely on.

THE NICE THINGS

Mephistopheles is genuine, sensitive and emotional. He doesn't beat around the bush. He just expresses how and what he's feeling—whether emotions born in the heat of the moment or lurking inside for quite some time—and if he doesn't talk about it, it shows in his silence and on his face. He's like Mammon that way; they both don't know how to lie or hide their true thoughts and feelings (even if they horribly want to). If they're upset, it shows. If they're happy, it shows. If they're hiding something, it shows.

He's innocent and soft-hearted. It's so easy for him to back down and waver if he's met with proper treatment (i.e. compensating him with a bottle of rare Demonus was enough to get his help), a certain reaction (i.e. MC giving him an upset look, so he found himself barely able to refuse dinner with Lucifer himself), or a cute situation (i.e. he was displeased when Raphael made him carry Luke, but all it took for him to melt was one look at Luke's sleeping face).

Despite his prestigious background (and the likely gatherings and meetings that come with it), he seems to be awkward. He would rather not greet someone he's merely acquainted with but doesn't know well even if they glimpsed one another on the street.

There's also how he loves his little brother so much. He always babies him and gets him presents, like sweets and clothes.

And what about how much he cares for Luke? What about how he was the only one who risked his life to save him? Even Luke, who always nitpicks the faults of demons, came to love and respect him for what he did. Doesn't that say something? In addition, he helps Luke whenever he can and gives him lots of encouragement, like when he complimented the quality of his desserts and told him that it always amazed him.

Also, he understands how MC feels about wanting to go back home and confronts Lucifer about it, coming to MC's defense as he did. While he may have warmed up to MC a little, the real reason for his actions lies in how he is willing to put his personal feelings aside to do the right thing and be fair and righteous.

He does things for others and helps them—saving them from possible injuries in the process—yet genuinely believes that it's something he doesn't need to be thanked for doing because he thinks 'anyone else would have done the same thing,' which is not true at all.

He doesn't let his personal feelings interfere with and stop him from doing the right thing (i.e. he first used to refer to MC as 'the lowly human exchange student' (original game), but when MC was about to tumble and fall, he came to the rescue and said it was not something he should be thanked for; and in the current game—and despite how he feels about humans and other races—he says that MC can go back to the Devildom whenever, so there's no need to worry about leaving. He doesn't adopt a 'I don't want non-demons to be here, so you should go home and never come back' attitude. Also, he played a huge part in encouraging the brothers to rescue Lucifer when he saw that they were plagued by fear and doubts).

He has no issue giving those he doesn't like credit (i.e. when he told the brothers that he had underestimated them).

Despite his viewpoints, Mephistopheles is not malicious. He never actively tries to inflict serious harm (i.e. unlike demons who treated the brothers cruelly and kicked them out of shops, he readily cooperates with his 'enemies' and the 'lowlives' when needed, like when he and MC solved one of the 666 Mysteries of RAD together).

His pet salamander constantly tries to burn the curtains, but he finds him so cute that he just can't stay angry with him.

He pours a whole pot of sugar into his teacup so he can sweeten his tea! Meaning, he has a sweet tooth, and that's so damn adorable.

He's a main maker/designer of the Prince Lucifer and Princess Diavolo stickers!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST, the first thing I want from NTT once they give Mephistopheles his own intimacy bar is to let MC be there for him; to listen to him, talk to him, encourage him to enjoy his own life, away from Diavolo's shadow and wishes; to let him be kinder to himself, give him the chance to mend his confidence, and a wake-up call to realise that neither Diavolo nor anyone else determines his worth; help him out of his fixation on the fallen angel and the prince and the desire to prove himself worthy; see that he understands he's not a genie forced to grant whatever his Lord wishes for, that he can speak his mind without concern; make him realise that he wasn't born to live life for Diavolo, that he's not a puppet crafted to serve the prince. He's so much more than that. He's alive and breathing, and he deserves so much more than the dreary, painful life he's walking the path of.

⭑⭑⭑´ˎ˗

ending note: NTT, please, please, please add him already. Pretty please.

©𝙤𝙘𝙚𝙖𝙣𝙡𝙞𝙥𝙜𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙨

[lovinggreeniehours]

what they won't know.

↳ takahara × lucifer (season 1)

↳ 700+ words. very short

↳ lowkey a sequel for let them look for they cannot see :) not exactly super official dialogue because this is a first draft from the arifer summary that i intend to incorporate later into the larger story. but yeah i decided to throw myself a pity bone. i can't infodump so ill post my silly little excerpt instead. excuse me if it isn't my best work i just like this scene a lot <3 <– has had the outline written down for 2 years ever since i first played the game

↳ extra warning for these two being unreliable narrators. as usual 😭

The chaos of the night eventually died down. The gold was returned, with mishaps along the way, and many more afterwards. Arion did his nightly rounds of checking on his siblings in their respective bedrooms. As he was returning to his own room, he then happened to run into the one person he least expected to see. Oddly enough, they seemed to find each other in the dark quite often.

"Good evening." Arion muttered. Just to be polite. "I'm heading to my room."

"Wait a moment."

Begrudgingly, he allowed it, biting back a sarcastic comment. Scowling, he looked up at Lucifer.

"What is it? I'm tired."

"I'm sorry."

What?

Arion tried not to let his surprise reach his face.

"For?"

But he couldn't help it— the little spark of vindictive glee that ignited in him as Lucifer forced himself to break eye contact. In an instant, all notions of tiredness seemed to evaporate. What? Can't meet me head on? Is this embarrassing you? Am I embarrassing you?

And realistically, Arion knew exactly what Lucifer was apologizing for. He simply couldn't help himself. He needed to hear him say it.

"..I shouldn't have dragged your sisters into our argument. They had nothing to do with the issue, and I overstepped. I may have been.. too harsh in my judgement earlier."

"Oh?"

"Shut up."

Arion really shouldn't have, but he laughed. For maybe the first time that night, for the worst possible reason. Arion had been crying his eyes out just a few hours ago, and the Avatar of Pride was apologizing. Why wouldn't he laugh? Why wouldn't he enjoy it?

Then Lucifer's next words hit him.

"I would like to form a truce."

The laughter died, allowing room for silence to pool thickly between them. Lucifer was forced to try and explain his point.

"Let us be clear. I still do not trust you. I don't trust you with my brothers, and I don't trust you in my house. But these are the cards that I've been dealt, and I'd prefer there be less issues such as this in the future."

Lucifer raised his hand as if in offering, before quickly realizing how awkward that was, and then letting it fall back to his side. Lucifer cleared his throat.

"Well? What say you?"

"We can agree on one thing, at least. I don't like being in your house either."

"Have you considered applying to change dormitories?"

Arion shook his head, almost laughing again. "I don't like being in your house. But my siblings seem to be quite happy there. Where I want to sleep is besides the point."

Then he put his hand forward, mirroring Lucifer's motion earlier. The hand he put forward was the very same that he broke during the dance. And he kept it there between them, waiting for Lucifer to shake it.

"Truce then."

For a moment, he only surveyed Arion's face, trying to gauge his emotions. His real emotions. From the bored droop of his eyelids, the unamused curve of his mouth, the determined set of his shoulders, and his hair so red Lucifer could see it in the near-lightless corridor.

He really wasn't afraid of him, Lucifer thought. How irritating. And yet, a sense of intrigue filled him. Now that the threat had subsided, it seemed Arion had no particular feeling towards him. Would he have reacted the same if he'd been threatened by another demon? By Lord Diavolo himself maybe?

"I still do not like you." Lucifer shook the human's hand, thinking bitterly. And he couldn't help but think of the irony in the gesture. Clasped hands were a common gesture between demons and humans. In pact-making— one of the few things they seemed to share (distasteful) sentiment in. "Whatever grievances we have with each other will be settled in confidence. I will not get involved in your family business so long as you stop sticking your nose into mine."

"Got it."

"So no one needs to know about this."

"Nope. No one."

"Good."

"No promises on not annoying you for life though."

"Do whatever you want. You'll be dead in a few years anyway."

Lord Diavolo finds them there not a moment later. Thankfully, there is a commotion in one of the rooms before he can question them too closely.

(The commotion turned out to be a pillow fight. And so Arion becomes the very first person to hit Lucifer in the face with a pillow.

Lucifer realized his mistake very quickly. He should have been keeping his eyes on Arion the whole time.)

[sukunasboytoy]

typed this up after watching the movie on opening n i was gonna keep it in the drafts for abt a week before posting it but ppl r talking abt it so im gonna go ahead n post it now !

‼️ cw: alien romulus spoilers ‼️

there is so much to be said abt andy im not even kidding theres so many conversations that can be had they include:

the black chara thats the emotional support for a white chara (andys whole thing is that he tells bad puns to rain to cheer her up - his one n only reason for existence is the do wtvr is best for rain is his literally a black chara that exists to prop up n support a white chara)

white feminism/white tears (how rain centers her own pain over the pain she caused andy, rain victimizes herself n openly argues w andy for turning on her n aligning himself w wy even tho she left him first - ofc they work thru this at the end but yk)

i rlly feel like andy has feelings for rain but hes been ‘brother zoned’ n his line abt ‘u can finally see me as a adult’ is what solidified that for me but i do think a mix of ableism n racism r at play there (black man being infantilized by the white woman he has feelings for bc of his blackness n mental (programming???) disability)

white savorism - inb4 rain ran back to andy at the end of the movie andy depended on rain for survival (needing help to fend off attackers at the start of the movie, rain constantly stepped in n defended andy against the anti-synth bigot which could be read as a metaphor for racism here, but its rain using her privilege as a flesh person (again metaphor for racism n ableism here) to constantly save andy that props her up as the Good Person even tho shes willing to use n abandon him)

andy doesnt rlly have any agency- he does what he feels whats best for rain (black chara used to prop up white chara) gets his agency overridden (by another white chara rook n mu/th/ur) n then makes the switch back to supporting rain (sure he chooses to let rain take the module out but yk plot convenience- they need the black man to sacrifice his life to save the white woman)

like dont get me wrong its great to have a black n disabled chara on screen n its great that he gets to be morally ambiguous (my personal fave) n i like that andy n rain have a complicated messy relationship n they hurt each other (like ppl do) but yk … hard not to notice some of this stuff yk

n i do think its on purpose bc synths r seen as not human/subhuman in the same way poc n neurodivergent ppl r (esp for his lack of empathy n emotions) hes viewed as inherently dangerous (like men of color r viewed as being innately violent n aggressive n mentally ill ppl r seen as violent n unpredictable)

rains decision to leave him behind bc hes “not rlly human bc he doesnt actually feel” is a good metaphor n representation for how poc r used as stepping stones n viewed as not “real” ppl by white ppl n the same can be said for neurodivergent ppl esp mentally disabled ppl rain seems to be fulfilled by andy needing her but is willing to leave him behind the moment including him becomes a hinder ace to her (n ofc its fixed in the end- but i like synths being a more obvious metaphor for ppl who r dehumanized in society aliens have largely been a white cast franchise so taking the narrative of the bigotry that synths face in the universe n having that applied to a synth that is black n disabled is great n i rlly like that the bigotry is portrayed in those subtle ways on screen like andys lack of agency n being used as a literal prop for the white woman by literally existing to support her)

[jokertrap-ran]

[Gakuen K] SCEPTER 4 Route: Ditching School Translation

*Translator’s note : MC’s name shall remain as my normal (水嶋ラン) *Gakuen K Masterlist / Gakuen K Mobile Masterlist *Spoiler FREE : Translations under cut ! *T/N: Time for me to unload all the translations I've been hoarding in my drafts because I was too busy to format them into a post but finally got time during the weekends to clear some- ♡

Ran: …*Sigh*

Ran: (I ended up skipping Club too…)

Ran: (I'm starting to dread having to participate in Club Activities tomorrow…)

Ran: Let's just turn in for today.

Ran: (I really hope this gloomy feeling disappears when I wake up…)

»» ━━━━━━━ ∘◦♔◦∘ ━━━━━━━ ««

Ran: (It's so quiet here. There’s no one around. I wonder if I can enter the school building…?)

Munakata: Oh? You're here early.

Ran: Munakata-senpai.

Munakata: Classes only start an hour from now. Did you forget something, perchance?

Ran: No, that's not why I'm… Well, I woke up early because I'd gone to bed much earlier than usual last night.

Ran: And then I ended up coming to school early because I didn't have anything better to do anyway. What about you?

Munakata: No particular reason. I always come to school at this hour.

Ran: Really?

Munakata: Really. I'm more productive with my work here than when I stay at home.

Ran: Work? From the Student Council and the Blue Club? What kind of work do you have to do?

Munakata: A variety of things, but let's leave it at that. How are you feeling, if you don't mind me asking?

Ran: Huh?

Munakata: I got a report that you'd taken an absence from our club activities due to poor health.

Ran: Oh… Uh, yeah. That's right.

Munakata: …Are you truly unwell?

Ran: Y-Yes! My throat was kinda sore… so I thought that it was the start of a cold?

Ran: But I'm good now!

Munakata: So, am I to assume that you are now fit to participate in Club activities?

Ran: Well…

Munakata: Please follow me.

Ran: Oh, okay!

Munakata: Why did you lie?

Ran: What?

Munakata: You weren't feeling unwell at all, were you?

Ran: How did you…

Munakata: Anyone with eyes can see that you're perfectly fine despite having claimed to be absent due to illness only just recently.

Ran: Sorry…

Munakata: I'm not mad at you for your absence.

Munakata: The issue here is your lying tendencies. I approved of your tentative entry to this Club because of your honesty.

Ran: …

»» ━━━━━━━ ∘◦♔◦∘ ━━━━━━━ ««

Munakata: Come in.

Munakata: I apologize for suddenly calling you here.

Fushimi: What did you call me here for, Captain?

Fushimi: I was called away while I was in the middle of my disciplinary committee duties, so please be quick about this.

Munakata: I'll cut right to the chase then. Fushimi-kun, did you say something to her?

Fushimi: Huh…?

Munakata: I'd previously entrusted you with the duty of bringing her around for a tour of the place, but she seems to have been rather down ever since.

Fushimi: Can't you just ask her? She's right there, isn't she?

Munakata: And so… it seems like Fushimi-kun isn't exactly aware of his actions either.

Fushimi: Yeah, no.

Munakata: Alright then. Mizushima-san.

Ran: Yes?

Munakata: Please explain to us the real reason why you decided to take a leave of absence from club activities.

Ran: That's because Fushimi-kun…

Ran: He told me not to drag the others down, so I gave it some thought… and the more I thought about it…

Ran: The more I started to doubt if I could really fit in with the Blue Club.

Munakata: I see. So the reason did lie with Fushimi-kun after all.

Ran: No, it's not his fault. I'm the one to blame…

Fushimi: Sure, I did tell you not to drag us down, but I didn't tell you not to come, did I?

Ran: Huh?

Munakata: I suppose that's his way of watching out for you. It's him being considerate, if you may.

Ran: Considerate?

Munakata: Yes, despite how crude it may sound.

»» ━━━━━━━ ∘◦♔◦∘ ━━━━━━━ ««

Next Scene: Mentor

[lunar-eclipse-bunnies]

NINJAGO TAROT DRAFT IVE HAD FOR 8 MONTHS imagine them as either just designs or with deeper meanings, i'm too tired to do a lot of analysis but i Am Right. prefacing this with YES i have character biases, and YES they are present here<3 its my blog ill post what i want (no i will not be tagging the characters i rag on i do not want to be bothered about them)

The Fool - lloyd. not that lloyd is a fool, but he is the blank slate, the character written to be of infinite opportunity. he can be reckless and innocent, naive and idealistic, gullible but free. even this late into the series his sense of self continues to change and evolve, never settling in a single place; the upright is young lloyd, our youthful and ignorant protagonist. the reverse is current lloyd, weighed down by the actions of not only his father, mother and uncle, but himself. his card should have 2 panels, one with babey lloyd and the other with older lloyd. maybe juggling his friends' elemental symbols, just for spice. spicy clownery.

The Magician - this is jay, hands down. i'm picking things/characters based on upright and reversed meanings, and while jay debuts as an determined and powerful character, he slips pretty quickly into the card's reverse meaning, often utilizing "manipulation, cunning, and deception" to get his way. most of the time it is subtle, as his manipulative tendencies have been slowly elaborated on over the course of the series. he can be summoning lightning or something with his card.

The High Priestess - skylor. again, the reverse is past skylor, during her brief betrayal, and the upright is present skylor, a wise ally and friend. i want her in her father's snake hat and in his chair. thank u

The Empress - misako, purely for the reverse meaning. i dont care about her so her card can be whatever

The Emperor - garmadon, same reason and also gotta match with the (ex) wifey! give my guy garm his 4 arms too pls

The Hierophant - kai. source: just trust me bro

The Lovers - pixal & zane, duh. they literally share zane's fighting skill after she receives half his heart in season 3, she and he are inseparable (re: essentially headmates) for the following 4 seasons, and are often depicted as the healthiest "het" couple in the show. they are DEVASTATED when they lose each other, their sense of balance. they're in love your honor damnit. HAVE THEM EMBRACE.

The Chariot - the bounty. mostly because it represents a home for the ninja for a good while in the show and is the only real space they can enact control and their wills on for a while. also because the significance of the bounty crashing in season 8 really encompasses the reverse meaning. just replace the chariot w the boat in the card.

Strength - cole. not just because of his super strength, but because he is the MOST compassionate and brave character in this entire goddamn show. say what you will but cole has been through death and back, dropped from a hundred story drop, lost his friends, his sensei, his best friend, AND had to resurrect his mother's legacy with his bare hands. this man has never once been shown to back down from a cause, take the coward's way out, or plain give up because he's the most tied to this ninja morality. when cole is disheartened, he takes it out on himself, gets mad at HIMSELF, never on other people like jay, kai, lloyd and even nya are prone to. give my boy a goddamn break. please let him chill w rocky in his card :) maybe give him his lava arms tho

The Hermit - WU DUH. meaning fits but also his card should have him drinking tea with a three-way split panel behind him showing off the places he found his students. good day

The Wheel of Fortune - cloud kingdom. cloud kingdom. damn those nerdy little bastards.

Justice - AKITA AKITA. karmic justice ring a bell, anyone? we can weigh her mask on the scale or something, just let her have her moment :)

The Hanged Man - yallre gonna hate me but this is actually zane. sacrifice is the NAME of the card. he keeps sacrificing himself, even when it ISNT needed. would love it if his card had him tied to the forbidden spinjitzu scroll, that would be pog

Death - morro. HA u thought you could escape him lol no. have him be bitchass. maybe show his ghost hanging around his skeleton or something. make it green

Temperance - ... ronin. i had some trouble with this, but i think this card captures him pretty well.

The Devil - Harumi. mostly because i already drew her a card, but also because of the reversed meaning.

The Tower - the great devourer. i think thats explanation enough.

The Star - ... benthomaar. am i jsut adding the jade ninja characters at this point? yes, yes i am. do they still fit? aboslutely. give my guy bentho a FUCKIN crown

The Moon - ECHO ECHO PLEASE. deception? illusions??? thats their bread and goddamn butter!!!! PUT THE LIGHTHOUSE AT NIGHT IN THEIR CARD, YOU COWARDS!!!

The Sun - vania. vania. vania. vania. will i elaborate? no!

Judgement - pixal, hands down. calm evaluation? being highly aware of yourself???? thats just pix, babey!!! and the reverse, FUCK, self doubt,,,, she rarely has those moments but!! when she DOES!!! AHHHHHH/POS

The World - NYA NYA NYA. NYA IN HER ELEMENTAL FORM HEAR ME OUT GUYS. in the upright meaning its her early season self, doing well on her own, achieving and succeeding and being fulfilled, and the reversed is her skybound to present self, stagnating as a character, no longer succeeding on her own or through her own means. the card also has to do with cycles, and considering how many times nya has died or been forced to change, well. who else would this card be???

[blysse-and-blunder]

In lieu of a making a comeback

11:45pm Sunday, June 18, 2023

Went through my drafts folder today, scrolling quickly past all the posts I’ve saved for when I’ve finally finished succession and found that the last time I drafted a commonplace book post was back in early May? I may post that one later—it’s a bit of a time capsule now, and isn’t even fully finished (hence why I saved it rather than posting). but rather than wait for perfection—my lesson of the year it seems—I’ll dash off a short one here. for my own entertainment, which of course is the point.

[no read more on mobile; scroll or press J to skip]

Reading just started victoria goddard’s bee sting cake, the second book in the greenwing & dart series. jemis’ narrative voice sounds a little too much like fitzroy’s — exacerbating my prejudice against first-person narration where the pov character just kinda sounds like the author’s mouthpiece—but seeing more of ragnor bella, this area of the twelve kingdoms, these references to the Interim and the Last Emperor, remains delightful. Also about 80% of the way through ursula k. le guin’s a wizard of earthsea for the very first time, which has been a slow because I’m absolutely savoring it. one of those books that feels like it’s in conversation with Tolkien but goes about ‘let’s make magic literary’ in a totally different way.

watching the aforementioned succession. @hematiterings and I were doing a rewatch (for me; her first time) and we have now gotten up to season 4 episode 3, You Know the One, which means that there’s only one more episode before I’m in new territory. it’s been a really rewarding rewatch, even as I’ve been doing laptop work the whole time—I’m understanding characters’ relationships and the stakes of different decisions and events so much better than I did the first time.

listening for some reason this week and last I have not been able to get enough of Hildegard von Blingen’s bardcore covers. Specifically the cover of taylor swift’s willow, which is not a song I knew, cared about, or really even noticed before now? But it the bardcore cover elevates it so well? hildegard’s voice is so lovely? one of those sopranos I usually don’t quite believe are real—just a pleasure to listen to. bad romance and holding out for a hero have been on repeat as well, and pumped up kicks (buskin boots!) is so much more interesting than the original, but willow has been the one I actively searched by name.

playing d+d campaign one tonight for the first time since FEBRUARY. it was good! we laughed! R tried to seduce a jaguar! we might be starting a schism in a fantasy meso-american religion or possibly playing the ball game to avoid that! we won’t be able to play again until late July, early august! The real boss fight is—has always been—scheduling.

making look at this dining room chair I glued back together.

No after pictures yet but it was clamped for a few days and has now been back in use with no ill effects since…gosh, last weekend? so we’ll count that as a win.

working on between finishing my most recent slog of grading (32 review assignments, which I spent waaaaaay too long on out of an anxiety of needin to help them revise for their final portfolios) and the next round of grading (final exams for 385 are due…thursday, possibly? and portfolios Friday, though I expect I get many either late or with extension requests, my fault entirely), I think I have to write at least one job app for June 30 and. maybe try to slap some new stuff into ch 2. or conference paper? hm.

[machineheralded]

This document may be subject to change.Vik | 21+ | he/they | EST [UTC−05:00] | medium-to-low activity

∙ Literate roleplayer with tendencies towards longer responses/novellas. ∙ Private, 18+, and mutuals only. ∙ Multi-ship, multi-verse, multi-muse, alternate universe, crossover, original character, and duplicate friendly. ∙ Writes for character development, to investigate dynamics, to process old wounds, and to flex creative muscles/improvisation. ∙ Is always up for writing AU’S! ∙ I am nonbinary, disabled + chronically ill (proud cripple!), and Sebsexual!

@futureforged is the only Jayce I will write with. Our narratives are too interwoven. If you write with my Viktor, expect Jayce to be mentioned.

TRIGGERS. The triggers present are drug use, body horror, occult/magical themes, terminal illness, violence, and sexual content (nsft cw). Toxic relationships may be present on this blog. If anything else needs to be tagged, or if I need to tag for any other sort of accessibility reason, let me know. I will typically only tag nsfw content. A reminder: mun does not equal muse, despite the fact me and Viktor are very similar. Writing these things does not mean I approve of them in real life. I am simply exploring things in a safe way, through the lens of fiction. I write to heal and explore.

BLOG LABELS. Private, mutuals and 18+ only. I am multi-ship, multi-muse, multi-verse, alternate universe, crossover, original character, and duplicate friendly. I love crossovers.

PERSONALS. Personals please do not interact with this blog unless you are a hub for an rp blog. I do not roleplay in IMS. I roleplay in asks or on posts.

REBLOGGING OTHER CONTENT. Please do not reblog any posts that are not rp related for our threads. This includes any musings, gifs, or rp memes. I like to keep my notifications clear. If I make you content, you are allowed to reblog that from me. I do not practice reblog karma, as things like rp memes should not be reblogged from me. If you do this, I will be more understanding if you are a beloved mutual/affiliate, and we have a good ooc relationship.

FOLLOWING. I will not interact with minors. I am 18+ only, because I enjoy writing smut (tagged as: nsft.) when it comes up. I also only write with mutuals. If I follow you, and you don’t follow me back, I’m not interested in writing with you. I may be selective, as I write primarily during a very busy work, home, and social life.

SHIPPING. When it comes to shipping, I ship chemistry, even if something is canon in source material. Please do not force ship with me. Asking about a ship is not force shipping - assuming a ship between our characters, or sending shippy asks when I say I don’t ship it is. I am multi-ship. Canon relationships will be kept, but whether we investigate a canon dynamic is up to our discretion, and chemistry. If there is a ship I really wanna investigate with another mun, we can go ahead and throw them into the ship. That isn't forceshipping to me. My main ship is JayVik, with my partner. As such, other romance is not a focus of this blog.

OPTIONAL RULES PHRASE. If you read all of this, and would like to let me know you have read my rules, feel free to send: “GLORIOUS EVOLUTION?” This is optional.

CREDITS AND OWNERSHIP. I do not profit from this blog in any way, shape, or form. Content belongs to their rightful creators. I just enjoy writing as Viktor. I don’t own any graphics, or the fonts or textures used. All I own is my writing, and it is not for profit.

DROPPING THREADS. For courtesy’s sake, if you do not feel a thread, or feel it isn’t going anywhere, you do not have to tell me that you’ve dropped it. Just simply don’t reply to it, and I will consider it dropped. I don't typically drop things, and keep them in the drafts indefinitely. The exception to this is if we have a ship, and you and I need to drop threads because we have so much content! I would rather we communicate to figure out a way to continue a thread.

COMMUNICATION. I have a discord that is available on request. I use asks primarily for memes or other in-character things, so I will stick primarily to tumblr IMs/Discord for plotting and chatting. I do not roleplay in ims.

ACTIVITY LEVEL. I PRIORITIZE FUTUREFORGED FOR RESPONSES! I follow where the muse takes me. If Viktor doesn't feel a thread, then I will not respond until I have muse for it. Just because I am online doesn't mean I will respond to your drafts - Viktor leads me. I am always down to chat, however, unless I am out of spoons. I am a medium-to-low activity roleplay blog. I am chronically ill, work a very busy schedule, and spend a great deal of time away from my laptop or phone.

OOC STUFF. I will not participate in callouts, drama, or other things of that nature. If you vague blog about other writers, I don’t want to write with you. Perception, especially online, is so easily manipulated. Please do not bring that here to this blog. I like keeping roleplay and my personal life separate, so please do not ask personal questions about me or my life unless I reblog a munday meme, or I give you the go ahead to do so. Bullying, aggression, or hostility is NOT welcome here. Coming at me with accusations or rudeness will get you blocked, no matter how valid your anger is. I am also not interested in groups or cliques, or weaving my lore with more than one person - a very bad experience in the past has put me off of sharing lore with anyone but Solis.

BLOCKING, THOSE I MAY NOT INTERACT WITH. I am liberal with my block button, as sometimes I feel like my writing style/our muses won’t mesh, or I use the block button to keep myself safe. I sometimes may preemptively block if I feel we won’t be fit as partners. No offense meant, just trying to make things easier, and I wish you good fun with writing. If someone breaks my rules, I usually give them a few chances before hard blocking. If you wish to stop writing with me, do not soft block, hard block. If you soft block me, I may refollow you and ask if Tumblr did something. If I block you, please do not try and contact me through a third party. Please move on.

GODMODDING. Please do not godmod my character. The exception is if to move a scene along (like having our muses walk side by side), and it has been discussed with me previously. Your muse seeing my muse's expression when I have otherwise not written it is totally fine, as long as you keep the essence of my muse in mind. Your muse may touch my muse, pin him, or otherwise touch him - even if those actions are unkind - without permission beforehand. Killing off characters or any other acts of extreme violence will be discussed beforehand, however. That being said, if a muse is engaging in torture or other situations on this blog, consent will be received from my rp partner before writing such content. I am all about consent here. I do write Viktor as an anti hero and villain here, and do not water him down. He will act accordingly in interactions.

FACECLAIMS. I am okay to write with animated and deceased faceclaims. I have no list of banned fcs at this time.

METAGAMING. Please do not metagame. Knowing my character's reputation is not metagaming, but knowing my muse’s innerworkings is metagaming. Do not use outside knowledge to influence things unless previously discussed.

WAIT TIMES/HOUSEKEEPING. If I write a starter for you, unless you have something come up, please try to respond to it within a week to two weeks, or communicate that you cannot get to it. I want my time to be valued, and I prioritize communication. Just let me know. I will try not to have you wait longer than a week for replies to a starter you have written me. If your starter is sitting in my drafts for longer than a week, you can talk to me about it. If you don't follow me back within a few days (unless specified in your rules), I will unfollow. I sometimes make housekeeping posts where I tag people in a list of starters owed, or if I have your starter in my drafts.

PLOTTING/MEMES. As a writer, I prefer plotting to memes. Memes are to get the ball rolling, but for me, the real magic happens when I plot with another writer. I AM ALWAYS ACCEPTING HEADCANON AND CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT MEMES, EVEN IF I AM NOT MUTUALS WITH ANOTHER MUN! If you approach me wanting to write, or open to plotting, please have an idea in mind. If you prefer memes, I can send them! I just prefer plotting, but am very flexible. If you send a meme, please send what the symbols mean. Please ask before continuing an ask into a thread. Affiliates do not have to ask. If you want to send a meme, send the meme. Fair warning, I may take a long time to get to them, as they are not my priority when it comes to writing - and I tend to answer memes when I am struggling to write plotted starters. Most meme responses, unless you are an affiliate, will be smaller content. As for threads, since you can trim reblogs from asks, I do not mind if you reblog asks, after you have asked to continue it. I also like my dash very trimmed, so please trim if you can. I won't post plotting or starter calls, as it eventually gets to be too heavy or irksome for me, and writing feels drab and boring if I do that.

WRITING STYLE. My writing style is versatile: though heavily novella influenced in length. I tend to monologue and filibuster in my writing. I expand, expand, expand. I favor the longer responses - one of my closest friends and I wrote the upwards of twenty paragraphs to each other - where I can really drive a story along, but I also enjoy one liners. I try to match length, but may end up overshooting you by a few paragraphs. I do not ask for matched length, I ask for matched quality (2-3 paragraph minimum in responses, please. Anything less will get you blocked, unless we are writing shorter content.)

WRITING/RESPONSE FORMATTING. I like using small text, or just using a top and bottom banner when writing things. I do not use icons, as I feel they hamper my writing, and are less accessible with the amount of muses I have. I like making the first sentence with fancy text, to make the first line stand out. I stole this formatting from my life partner. It is a fun little quirk for me. If, in writing with me, you need things to be more accessible, please let me know. I will drop formatting quirks for just your responses.

WHY I WRITE. If you wish to write with me, please approach/be open to me approaching with wanting to write compelling, character-developing content. I write to develop my muses, to process my own life experiences, and to have fun. I am not interested in just having our characters meet, or shipping. I am interested in CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT, not just roleplaying.

SPAM. Do not spam like any of my posts. It clogs up my notifications.

CHARACTER HATE/DISLIKE. If you hate Jayce Talis get away from me.

[themswritinwords]

WIP Intro: The finished stories

It's time! Or at least, the beginning of time! I can and will talk about each at length in their own posts, but let's start with the basics.

1: The Hundred Fifty Seven Deaths of the Immortal Ethan Ellis

Genre: Horror-comedy (I think? Identifying the genre for marketing purposes is my biggest obstacle with this one)

Status: Edits/rewrites and querying

Pitch/one-liner: After waking up during his own autopsy, reluctant and disillusioned immortal Ethan Ellis gets pressganged into a road trip with the autopsy tech who saved his life as they search for answers to why his newly mended body is now going haywire.

Blurb/query bit: Ethan Ellis has just woken up in the middle of his own autopsy, which is a first even for a guy who’s gotten himself killed over a hundred fifty times. Now his newly-reanimated body is going haywire, forcing him to relive those untimely ends; that would be another unfortunate first. Ethan and the very confused, slightly traumatized autopsy tech that saved his life want answers. If they can’t find any, this could be it for him—for real this time. But between the running tally of his past failures to make a difference in the world, a carsick cat that hates his guts, and the growing apathy he’s been fighting for decades, for the first time in his three-hundred-ten-year-long life, Ethan isn’t sure whether he cares. To make matters worse, Ethan finds himself catching feelings for the woman who saved his life. Then he starts seeing the ghost of the wizard-wannabe that cursed him with immortality in the first place. Then his fellow immortal turns up to help, but for some ungodly reason decides that ‘help’ means ‘kidnap the autopsy tech (and her horrid little cat) and press-gang Ethan into the only thing he hates more than his growing certainty that nobody in this world cares anymore: a road trip.’ A little like if The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue were written by Christopher Moore, Ethan Ellis is a horror novel for horror weenies (aka me, the author), and a comedy for depressed optimists (also me, the author), with just a little bit of romcom for flavor-- because really, what says "romance" if not being stuffed in the back of a '99 Chevy Malibu with a woman who has already held your literal heart in her hands and only dropped it once?

Standalone, with potential for a series if desired; probably going to serve as my debut novel. I already have several queries out on it, and I'm hopeful about my chances for a few of them.

2: The Rockbridge Experiment

Genre: Urban Fantasy

Status: Rewrites, with the goal of shortening (first draft was a shelf-busting 365k)

Pitch/one-liner: A struggling human detective, a dying elf, and a conflicted half-dwarf are brought together to solve a string of troubling kidnappings and murders, but stumble into a conspiracy of hidden magic and vicious human experimentation that runs far deeper-- and nearer-- than any of them could have guessed.

Blurb/query bit: (still working on this, so bear with me if it's disjointed) For Detective Evan Grant, life last week made sense. At least, as much sense as it can make when you're questioning your entire life and solo parenting your orphaned younger siblings. Then she got this assignment. Fae in the human district. What could go wrong? A lot, it turns out, and none of it in the way she expected. She probably has a crush on one of her new coworkers, the other definitely sees the future, and all four of her siblings manage to get themselves suspended. People are vanishing into thin air, a terrorist is back from the dead, magic isn't extinct after all, and she definitely doesn't want to be a cop anymore. Life is imploding around her, and she's got no choice but to hold it together. If she doesn't, someone's definitely gonna die. Maybe a lot of someones. Led by visions of the corpse of a man not yet dead, it's a race against time for Evan and her new partners--a terminally ill elf who also happens to be the last Arcanist in the world, and a half-human, half-dwarf who is frustratingly distracting for reasons Evan can't even begin to unpack. Unfortunately, that race plunges them headlong into a conspiracy that threatens to upend the delicate balance between humans and Fae, and if they can't get ahead of it, war may start all over again. It's a game of chance with a hopelessly stacked deck, and little do they know, they're about the play against the dealer. With an ensemble cast written in multiple POVs, The Rockbridge Experiment is part slow-burn mystery, part horror, and part Southern Gothic, all wrapped in an alternate-Earth urban fantasy setting. The Dresden Files meets Bright, minus the misogyny and copaganda apologetics.

Part of a series, which sucks for the already doorstopping wordcount, but I'm doing my darndest to get it publishable because I love the universe and characters I've created here, and really believe in the stories I'm telling with them. My strategy is to get something else published first, then query this one so agents aren't as put off by the word count.

Stay tuned for in-depth posts on each work, detailing the characters and some of my favorite bits of the story. Also stay tuned for a masterpost of WIPs.

[linklethehistorian]

So I very rarely get super personal on this blog just for the sake of it, but given there was already a much…darker version of this post sitting in drafts until just a short while ago, and maybe someone here might need to hear an uplifting real-life story tonight, I figured I’d go ahead and draft up and post this anyway.

See, I’m sure all of y’all here have noticed my relative lack of activity with any large project over the past five months, but what y’all don’t know is that this has largely been due to some pretty serious health issues — not the least of all being that…over the past…three-ish months of those five, I have had to stare down the very real possibility that I might have a pretty serious form of Leukemia. I was bounced from doctor to doctor about this, test after test, and not much of it looked good, if I’m being perfectly honest.

During all of that time up to today, I had been sitting around contemplating much of my existence, and how, at last, when the most difficult news of all came, I would break that news to everyone — what I would do, say, etc. I must’ve run through all the scenarios a million times, drafted up at least ten different letters for different people in my life, even recorded a cover of a song through which I wanted to say goodbye to everyone here, if it came to it (and which still sits in my video gallery currently, as though still waiting to be used).

Needless to say, although they had their moments as life always does, these past months have been overall a living Hell, and it only got progressively worse with every new piece of concerning news, up until today — the day I finally was able to go see the oncologist. (Doctors are often booked out for months around here rn — weeks at best.)

Prior to the visit, I had been informed by my GP that the oncologist would overlook all of my results ahead of time, and call to cancel the visit with me herself if she found/determined there was nothing worth being concerned over.

Well, the cancel call never came, so I think you can understand when I say that I went in full expectation of the worst case scenario; I mean, clearly she had thought it critical enough to keep the appointment, so that kind of spoke volumes for itself even without having seen her.

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget the long time spent alone in the doctor’s office, waiting for her to arrive: there was some of the most gorgeous, peaceful instrumental music you could imagine playing softly, and as I was sitting there, forms in hand, staring down the room around me, I was just thinking to myself how that music clearly said exactly what this place was: it’s a place where people go to get basically the worst news of their lives imaginable, and try their best to cope with and struggle against their mortal illnesses. And this music was so pretty and peaceful because the patients needed it.

And here I was. Today I was one of those patients.

I sat there contemplating over my life and realizing that this was going to be the last moment that anything was even somewhat normal again for me. The last moments before life changing news.

I can’t begin to explain how that feels.

…And then the doctor came in and she was immediately telling me, like, more or less, “Oh honey, why are you here? lol We tried to call you to tell you not to come in — you don’t need all this stress for no reason, go on home, there’s nothing to worry about, you’re fine.”

Apparently she had, in fact, made an attempt to contact me because she wanted to spare me the stress of coming after reviewing the results and deciding I was fine, just like my GP said, but the call just hadn’t gone through.

The relief that I have inside of me today knowing that I am okay is beyond anything I could ever put into words. I cried the entire several hour drive home, and even now, as I type this up, I find myself tearing up just a little again in sheer gratitude and amazement and comfort.

Even if things had gone badly, I wouldn’t have had any regrets, but truly nothing makes me happier to know that I will be around for a long, long while here still — with the people and things that I love, with the strangers, with the haters, and everyone else in between.

Please never take life for granted. Live in the present and try to be as grateful for every moment as you possibly can. Life really is beautiful and precious and so, so worth living, so live it to the fullest and always remember that there can be hope.

No matter how bad things seem, there’s always a chance for hope to shine through.

It did for me. It can for you too.

I love you all so much.

[darlingamidala]

Obianidala Week 2023

Day 1 prompt: Canon Divergence

First of all, thank you so much to @obianidalaevent for putting on this event!!! I've been waiting for an obianidala event for literally years, so naturally I wanted to post something for every day. Unfortunately due to life/work, I was only able to do one new piece for it. But thankfully, I have a years long backlog of WIPs that have been lurking in my drafts folder, so this is the perfect opportunity to let some of them see the light of day!

I wrote this scene in 2018, which is part of an AU that I was never able to fully flesh out enough to write. Basically, obianidala are together during the Clone Wars, but everything still goes to shit in RotS. Padme survives the birth of the twins, and she and Obi-wan, believing themselves to be widowed, go into hiding. You can also read this on ao3

___________

Obi-wan came out of his meditation and pushed himself to his feet. He had a bad feeling about… something. It was ominous, but elusive. But then, the last thirteen years had been full of bad feelings, and for good reason. The twins were safe, at least for now, tucked into their bunks on the ship that they called home.

He sighed as he made his way down the hallway towards the bedroom he shared with Padme. He found her sitting on the edge of the bed in the half-lit room. She was tense, curled in on herself, and looked up at him with wide eyes that glistened with unshed tears. He gave her a sympathetic look as he quietly walked over to sit beside her. He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close. She rested her head against his shoulder, burying her face against the fabric of his shirt.

They both had nights like this, where the loss of their husband would suddenly hit them hard and the pain of what had happened all those years ago felt like a fresh wound all over again. It had been several years since he had seen Padme cry over it though.

He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “Are you alright?” he murmured.

Padme took a shaky breath as she pulled away. She pulled her arms in towards herself with her hands curled protectively in front of her stomach as she tried to blink her tears away. “Obi-wan..” she whispered, uncertainty and… fear? in her eyes. “I’m pregnant.”

She said the word like it was a death sentence, as if she had contracted some horrible illness. And it may as well have been, for the way Obi-wan stilled, how he gripped her hands tighter as he looked away with his lips parted in a silent denial of her statement.

“It was a dream… Like the ones I used to have about my mother, just before she died.”

Obi-wan had been silenced by his own guilt about his inaction in response to those dreams.

“And?” Padme coaxed. She had always had such a way of helping where he couldn’t, when it came to Anakin.

“It was about you.”

“Tell me.”

“It was only a dream… You die in childbirth.”

Obi-wan frowned in concern as he stepped over to Anakin and placed a reassuring hand on his arm.

Padme’s hands had come up to cradle her stomach as she asked about the baby. Anakin had said he didn’t know what would become of their child.

Obi-wan opened his mouth to say something, but he still didn’t trust himself to say the right words.

“It was only a dream,” Padme dismissed with a reassuring smile, taking Anakin’s free hand in her own.

“I won’t let this one become real,” he replied with grave determination.

“You’re certain that that’s what you saw?” Obi-wan asked, having finally found his voice.

“I’m certain, Obi-wan.”

Obi-wan reached up and tucked Anakin’s hair behind his ear before resting his hand on his cheek, his thumb just brushing the scar upon his brow. “Then we will do what we can to keep it from coming true.”

It hadn’t come true then, though neither of them believed their husband’s drastic measures had been to thank for that. But now… she was older, more susceptible to complications. And they no longer had access to Core-standard medical facilities; they went to Rebellion medics when they could, but mostly they relied on a medkit they kept in their ship.

Neither of them said anything, but they both knew they were thinking the same thing: Anakin’s vision could still come to pass. She may have survived the birth of the twins, but now... her odds were not as good.

“Oh, Padme...” Obi-wan sighed, gathering her back into his arms, holding her tightly as if that would be enough to save her. One hand came up to cradle her head, his fingers digging into her dark curls, much shorter now than they had been back then.

She choked out a sob as she pressed her face against his chest and brought her arms up to return his embrace, clutching at the back of his shirt.

“Shh, shh, it’s alright,” he murmured reassuringly against her hair, absently rocking her as he stared out into the middle distance. Another sob wracked her body, and he continued to whisper empty platitudes, wishing that he could truly believe she would be okay.

He was choked up as well, a sob caught in his throat and tears threatening to well up in his eyes, but he willed himself not to cry. They had made a silent agreement when the twins were very small, that when the grief welled up in one of them, the other would do their best to give them someone to lean on, to not get dragged under as well. He needed to be strong for Padme.

Her tears began to die down, and she sniffled as she lifted her head to look at him. “What are we going to do?”

“What can we do?” he asked hopelessly.

“I’m worried about the twins,” she confessed.

“They’ll be fine,” he reassured her. That, at least, was something he felt fairly sure of. He did not want to take care of them alone; they were supposed to have three parents, and it would break his heart if they got down to one. But they were growing up. They weren’t babies anymore, and before long they wouldn’t even be children.

Anakin hadn’t been a child when he lost his mother, and it had still devastated him.

“I can take care of them,” Obi-wan promised. “I will keep them safe.” I will love them enough for the three of us. The last thought went unspoken. He wasn’t ready to commit to the idea of her being gone.

Padme slowly returned to leaning against him, until he was supporting her full weight. “Hold me,” she whispered, barely audible, and he did.

They sat silently for a long while, trying to gain comfort from each other’s presence and closeness as they came to terms with their new situation, until Padme pulled away to finish getting ready for bed.

[radioactive-earthshine]

20 Questions for Writers

I was tagged by @fire-fira for this ❤

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Only 25 (there are a hidden 15 in my drafts on my computer that will never ever be posted)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

275,306

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Thus far on Ao3;

DC Comics Tolkien Astro Boy and one stray Cave Story fic

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

1.) Sunshine. Falling. 2.) Under Silver Light 3.) A New Upgrade (which surprised me I totally forgot about this ancient ass fic) 4.) Band Aid 5.) Befuddled in Red

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I usually almost always unless it's a wank ass comment which case it gets deleted. I always love getting replies back from authors so I feel most people like the engagement.

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

The Summer of Light. Slobo was terminally ill, he was dying, and despite all efforts from everyone, despite all our love and impact on the world in general it would never be enough to save him. The Lighthouse was him, btw.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Uhhh... Well, (spoilers) Sunshine. Falling. will have the best ending ever. But shhh. We gotta get there first. Otherwise... I think almost all my little fics have nice happy endings - particularly Funfetti Cake and Befuddled in Red.

8. Do you get hate on your fic?

Lol... There's this one reviewer who is totally obsessed with Sunshine. Falling. and with each chapter I upload they almost always have something nasty to say about it being Konbart. I delete it of course. And there was another person who commented on The Summer of Light (it's probably the same person) who just really thinks I should be writing another ship instead.

9. Do you write smut?

Yes. I want to write more.

10. Do you write crossovers?

I have not written any as of now but I don't mind them. I still feel like a Mass Effect/Star Trek crossover might be fun or a Mass Effect/LOSH fic but I need an idea first. I also might do a self indulgent Jetter Mars meets Atom fic but we'll see.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

As far as I know, NO.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

YES. Under Silver Light was translated into Russian of which I am immensely proud of.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

No, the closest I have ever come to this is having a friend write a fic BASED ON an rp we had.

14. What‘s your all-time favourite ship?

I really hate 'favorite' questions because I have like... a collection I sort of juggle around but ATM it is the following;

Konbart Querl/Lyle Jay/Eddie Halbarry Jaime/Khaji da and last but not least my oldest of the oldest otp X/Zero

15. What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have no fic that is in limbo ❤ Sunshine. Falling. is the only WIP I have and it is on the way (after Dark Crisis: Impulse).

16. What’s your writing strengths?

No idea. I think I'm pretty good at describing atmosphere though. Willpower. Spite.

17. What’s your writing weaknesses?

Not caring enough about overall quality I guess and I really DO just "Settle for done" bc I really don't... care.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Always the correct choice if it is done correctly and in a way that makes sense. I've read some fics where it's just... peppered in with no real reason and it is jarring. I thought about trying to come up with Interlac words for everyone speaking Interlac but decided on not going that route and instead being sensible and just using italics.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Mega Man X baby 😎

20. Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

Summer of Light and Wind Shear.

Pssst. Wind Shear is a Jenni fic. Go read it.

Tagging: I aint tagging no one, but please anyone seeing this just say I tagged you if you want to do something.

[iwtvdramacd18]

i would love to hear your thoughts on this if and when you feel like sharing!! i put out those thoughts after e2 had aired and we've learned so much more about louis since!

OK so first of all this has been in my drafts forever I apologize:

I didn't even notice that was an older post my bad! But that stuff especially about a runs in the family type situation and the very deep intense fear that comes with seeing a family member with severe mental illness and also lacking the ability to fully understand.

I won't get into too many details but I will say that my analysis and reading of Louis' character is very much shaped by the fact that I have been in a lot of mental states/situations like his (its one of the reasons he's such an important character to me). My family has a lot of severe mental illness running through it, including one of my closest relatives who had schizophrenia. And while Paul doesn't have an explicitly stated diagnosis we do know he experiences hallucinations, as did my relative. Now growing up I didn't really understand the extent of the severity of mental illness, even while I had experienced symptoms myself all my life, which was really scary... I lacked a healthy recognition of severe mental illness, as I think it's very obvious in media especially with regards to psychosis it's horribly demonized. Just look at the way people throw around terms like "psychotic". Recognizing similarities between what I was experiencing and what my relative was experiencing not only scared me but also made me feel very shameful.

And that visceral fear of seeing a family member struggle with severe mental illness I think you really hit on the head, I think it does manifest in Louis in not only trying to rationalize/ separate himself from it but also a lot of shame regarding it. I think there is something to say about being the oldest (as I am), realizing you're very mentally ill further down the line, and a fear of having influenced your younger siblings. As far as we know Louis does not experience hallucinations, at least not like Paul, but I don't think it's a stretch to say that he has experienced psychosis (I believe it was yani? who has mentioned the small glimpse we got of the real version of Lestat's "death" with Louis attacking Claudia).

I'd expect that despite Claudia not being biologically Louis' daughter he'd also have those fears pop up again regarding a sort of "infection" of mental illness. One scene that REALLY stands out is his near attempt in episode 6 where he mentions the only reason he didn't carry through was because he didn't want to "ruin" Claudia's departure the way Paul's death "ruined" Grace's marriage night. Which is absolutely heart-rending to me. We know Louis languishes in a lot of shame and guilt and I think his mental illness is a huge one he keeps skirting around.

[twilightguardian]

Well, that's your fault for blocking me when we were having that conversation, now isn't it?

I wasn't "Totes Ownzing" you as a writer, Lilith. If you wanted to know what I meant you could have just, like... asked for clarification instead of assuming malintent and starting a fight with me. That's what most people do.

It was a show of good faith, (since I had done nothing but talk about how much of a caustic, disingenuous liar you were regarding Fixing and how uncharitable you were with those you blanketed as misogynists.) reaching out to you as a fellow writer and creative, not only saying that it was an older piece of work, so you may have already fixed it yourself in your newest draft. Then saying that if you wanted to grow as an artist that the one group you went to weren't doing you favours and if you were still with them to look for a better group who would be hard on your work, because that will show where your flaws are. Critique can hurt. But critique groups aren't there to build up your pride, they're there to hone your writing skills and do away with bad habits. You tear down your old, rotting ego and build a newer, healthier one, or rather it's like building muscle. Every critique is a little wound in your writing muscles. Those wounds heal stronger and your writing muscle, like real muscles, gets bigger, better, more able to endure and will be able to work more before getting torn again. Every artist goes through this and it's the normal process of creation. I had thought, perhaps naively, that you'd understand this at the very least.

I've been nothing, if not fair to you for the most part despite using you as an obvious example in my initial callout post. But I wouldn't have had to do that if there weren't so many examples of you being toxic and attacking people and making up things about them - in some cases serious accusations.

You get back what you give. If you're someone who comes into a conversation assuming that someone has ill intent and act with aggression, people are going to treat you the same. You wanted someone to fight with so after you blocked me I gave you what you wanted: Someone to fight. I'm willing to fight back when I see injustice and I'm not afraid to be catty. But it didn't have to be that way.

I'm also a writer, and on some level, no matter whether I like or dislike you, at the end of the day it doesn't matter. I'd still be happy if you grew as an artist and became better; if you found success. I initially was going to look into Glints Saga regardless to look into it and make comparisons between your old and new work because I was curious after learning you rewrote it to see how much it changed. It was just an innocent curiosity. Then to be polite I'd give my review of the work and be honest about it, because in my mind, there's nothing worth more than honesty. So you'd get my thoughts, if I liked some parts, if I disliked others, etc. It would give you more interaction with your work.

I made that initial long post because I saw all the dishonesty about Fixing and wanted to debunk it. If you found my fanfics and reviewed them I'd enjoy that but if you just went in to purposefully bend over backwards, contorting yourself into a pretzel to pick apart every single little thing for no reason other than wanting to hurt me, that's disingenuous. No one, not even 'critics' do that... for the most part. I've seen some bs in rwde, too, let's be real here.

To answer your question about my criticism, it's about a complicated mixture of realism and cutting fat in your writing. People normally don't say your name to you unless it's to get your attention or to emphasize they're speaking to you when in a group. If someone is speaking to you, they'll say 'you' and not your name constantly at you. Because they already have your attention. But it's also about brevity and repetition. Respect your reader's time and don't use unnecessary words because it just clogs up your prose or dialogue. Saying a character's name over and over to that character is repetitive to read. You want your writing to be concise and punchy. Every sentence, phrase and word has to matter, has to be there for a reason. If you want your writing to be as good as it can be, you make the necessary changes and take criticisms from people outside your circle of friends.

This is writing advice you can find anywhere. I'm not saying anything particularly groundbreaking or niche, but it's not something that everyone knows about, either. We all become blind to our own work and need an outsider - multiple outsiders who know how to critique - to come in and look. If you only surround yourself with friends who only ever praise your work, you'll gain a false sense of what your writing is like. I also had to learn it. I've done writing in the past where a character says another's name to that character every time they speak and I had to be aware of that to avoid it. Pointing out flaws in your writing isn't an attack on you as a person.

When I said I was going to review Glints, you just saw me as Floof 2.0 (regarding the review). Honestly, I have no idea what he said about it. I've had problems with him in the past when it came to reviewing writing and I called him out on it. He may have had good points, but I also don't doubt he said some really dumb things about your work. You assumed without evidence that I was going to be just as disingenuous as him, that I was going to use your series to attack you. Based on what? Because I called you out? I didn't call you out for no reason. The reason I took those screenshots was to back up my words to show that I wasn't lying. To show this is a pattern of behaviour that I can see that leads to the type of disingenuous criticism that I wanted to talk about and debunk. You have a skewed way of looking at the world and at people, and assume intent and malice when there might not be and I was demonstrating why that is harmful, not because I have anything against you specifically. Just your attitude and how you interact with people you disagree with.

You can take this however you like. But this is my genuine attempt to reopen dialogue with you. If not, I'll continue as I had before: Debunking your poorly thought out, bad faith criticisms of Fixing and once V6 is done so am I. But if you do, I'll continue talking to you and do what I can for you as a fellow artist.

Edit: Also as for your critique of Glints, it's coming. But frankly I have more important things to do and you're not all that high on my priority list. Properly reviewing takes time and energy.

[skautism]

ANSWER ALL THE EVEN NUMBER QUESTIONS ON THE ASK GAME YOU REBLOGGED!!! MWAHHAHAAHA!

(if u dont wanna do that thats ok lol just do like… 2-6… when i rb those posts i always lowkey wanna answer all the questions so i thought maybe u might enjoy this !)

WOOOO oh boy. ill skip the two i already answered (and fucking. misread)

what are 3 things you’d say shaped you into who you are?

im gonna only say happy things. having an art mom, my first internet friend ever who introduced me to vocaloid, and futurama

show us a picture of your handwriting?

3 films you could watch for the rest of your life and not get bored of?

newsies (1992), borderline forever, and ghostbusters :3

what’s an inside joke you have with your family or friends?

incorrectly weighing a package before shipping it so that the recipient has to pay the postage

what made you start your blog?

musicals lol

what’s the best and worst part of being online/a creator?

best: frieeeends :)/worst: strangers not knowing how to mind their damn business

what scares you the most and why?

death. do i need to explain that?

any reacquiring dreams?

mostly fucked up shit like getting sexually assaulted. also lots of getting lost. i only ever have recurring nightmares :/

tell a story about your childhood

my mom pierced my ears for me as a kid since the only option for a 6 year old in georgia at the time was claires and she doesnt like claires at all. we had to do each ear months apart because it hurt a lot and scared me. had to give in and do the other ear because my dads 2nd wife said one ear was tacky and they were about to have their wedding

would you say you’re an emotional person?

nooooooooooo the only place im vulnerable on is here

what do you consider to be romance?

longass walks together

what’s some good advice you want to share?

LEARN TO TOUCHTYPE

what are you doing right now?

about to get back to my fic draft yippeeeeeee

what’s something you’ve always wanted to do but maybe been to scared to do?

nothing really? its either "i dont care that im scared ill do it" or "yeah i dont want to do that i dont think id like it"

what do you think of when you hear the word “home”?

very silly but. wii and 3ds

if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

we are removing my health problems

name 3 things that make you happy

writing, mario kart, trapeze

do you believe in ghosts and/or aliens?

both

favourite thing about the day?

sunny breeze :3

favourite things about the night?

its quieter and easier to walk around because theres less cars

are you a spiritual person?

i mean i believe in ghosts

say 3 things about someone you love

they make really cool music and are supportive of what i do without trying to force me into bullshit and make me really happy

say 3 things about someone you hate

he doesnt know how to actually take accountability for fucking up, hes a dick to my mom, and tried to force me off my meds when they were still working

what’s one thing you’re proud of yourself for?

im writing again! i thought i never would actually get the ideas and motivation back

fave season and why?

fall!!!!!! halloweeeeen and better weather and stepping on leaves and pinecones

fave colour and why?

purple. its pretty :)

any nicknames?

i have a few based on my real name but wont share them for obvious reasons lolol

what do you do when you’re sad?

jack off

what’s one thing that never fails to make you happy/happier?

card games

are you messy or organised?

extremely fucking messy

how many tabs do you have open right now?

13 on my laptop

any hobbies?

game collecting, playing video games, cd collecting, various art mediums including digital and traditional art and sewing/embroidery and knitting and linocut/blockprinting, obsessively reading tvtropes, bass, piano, guitar, saxophone, sudoku, solitaire, and writing fanfiction

any pet peeves?

people going "shhhh" it hurts my fucking ears SO BAD

do you trust easily?

yeah

are you an open book or do you have walls up?

walls up. i know that directly contradicts trusting easily its complicated

share a secret

id rather not

youtuber you’ve been obsessed with and why?

look at my pinned post and guess. and because i like video games and its funny and i like the characters

any bad habits?

vaping and also my ten billion ocd compulsions