#ik theres more i just. these 2 always come to mind when i talk about this kinda thing

[kakushusband]

I promise you I'm not trying to make my blog 99% vent or something but. Sometimes self care is making a handful of your self inserts relatively high maintenance and difficult to understand bc of the lack of social niceties - and my f/os still loving them either way.

[star-sim]

hiihii, 🦊 anon back here !! Im gon be info dumping u the shii cuz u said u were invested, but if u dont want to readall of it I completely understand cuz like I wrote a whole ass shii 😭😭

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okay so like there's thay copycat, let's call her P !! technically, she's been a friend since last year, but I didnt really consider her as one cuz she mostly talked with my other two friends from our closest friend group n like nobody else. (we're a group of five without her) She sorta randomly appeared, but I ofc didnt mind cuz its always nice to meet new ppl n make new friends yk ??

(extra thingy for this year => one friend changed schools to another city, another doesnt hang out with us anymore but does online, n then there's another who isnt in the same classes so we only see each other during breaks. so its just me n another friend, (let's call her F) she's has been my closest friend since years ago so far !!

Okayokay now on to the real shii; since the new school year, P asked the school if she could be in the same class as me and F (because we're always together). so practically, P is also my classmate now. BUT !! I've noticed she favours F more than me, which doesnt bother me much bc we all have preferences at some point 🤷‍♀️ HOWEVER its getting a bit uncomfy because she's slowly been like starting to copy me and seems to be trying to exclude me to get closer to F ever since school started

Im insecure about friendships, so I get jealous when I see F paying more attention to P than to me (at least Im self aware 😞) oh, abt the copying part, I have a list to explain omllll !! for instance, I have an online school timetable with a specific colour palette (we have our own from our school's app but I'd like to use my own [another one] cuz then its a widget) she saw it and asked about the app n then the next week, she did the same thing with the exact same colors for each subject ?? Its not a big deal, but its abs noticeable.. like I get it u wanna use the same app cuz Ik how handy it is but using the same colours is starting to become extra .. then theres the school stationary, especially the pencil case and highlighters. I have a clear see-through pencil case and pastel highlighters (so coquette) n after two months or somewhere around that, she got the same ones. AGAIN, not a huge deal, but then she started comparing highlighters and saying she should have bought the same ones as me (?? Girl tf) Its frustrating because she's indirectly indicating that she wants to be or have the same shii as me 😭 n I dont like that. Ik some ppl do but I jst dont

Another example is my headphones. I have specific ones (JBL I lub em sm), n in December or smth, she also got the same ones but in pink (I have black ones) Its not about the headphones themselves tho, but the fact that she claimed we have the same ones when they're CLEARLY different. It's a fcking pattern, even with little things like a pocket mirror that she suddenly wants after seeing mine ?? 😭 "oh, I want to have one too now n use it like u" *proceeds to buy n never use it anyways* 💀

oh oh, then theres the issue of her comparing grades (no like wtaf) my average is at least 70%, which Im abs content with, but I wish I had more motivation to study m improve 😞 ahe studies n has an average of 74%, which is great for her ofc !! but she constantly YAPS abt having higher grades n being smarter, not realizing the difference between being book-smart n actually intelligent like girl theres a diff between the 2 yk 😭😭

P is actually fcking starting to get on my nerves, especially after half a year of this bs .. the friend who changed schools was like the mother of the group, n I miss her a lot (she's coming back next year tho, yippie !!) P seems to be trying to exclude me from the friend group n from my bestie F :( I havent told anyone else cuz like Im afraid theyll jst think Im overreacting, but I did confide in T ( the transfer student friend, lets call her that !!), n shes on my side (duh ofc cuz she also noticed from last year how she only sticked to F) but I dont want to tell F herself cuz I dont think she'll believe me. I used to feel happy and comfy being myself before P joined in, but now I feel like Im constantly being criticized n copied :// Its even worse bc she made fun of my cat's name !! (Like, I told her my cat's name cuz at one point we were talking abt cats n I told her I had gotten a new one that summer. atm she was doing that gossip whisper thingy to somebody else n when I told her that she had to be honest and confess she was making fun of my cat's name she went like "ohhhh, for a cat name !! I thought a human name" n then fake smiles omfl ..)

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ANYWAYSSSS, TAKE CARE 😽 love ur fics Istg I dont think I'd survive here w/out ur writings Im not joking 😭 ur fics r like one of the only ones that I'd even WANT to read no matter the 10k+ wc (thats a lot for me n I prefer short ones, but ur longer ffs r like TOP TIER MWAH)

-🦊

oh girl ur stronger than me bc P would make me yell....

u and F are like for-lifers.... the friends that you keep when things change are the ones that you need to CHERISH FR

i think ur like 100% valid for the friendship jealousy, i get SO jealous too ur like real for that. like looking at these individual examples it doesn't come off that P is trying to copy you.... but when you look at it ALTOGETHER as ONE BIG MASSIVE PICTURE.... yikessss

i cant stand P sorry... like the excluding thing is making me seethe

AND THE CATS NAME THING WOULD BE MY FINAL STRAW GIRLLL STAY IN UR OWN LANE

i don't think ur overreacting, ur like 100% valid for this one

i am SO on your side

imo i think it's important to talk to F about this... and if she does not react well then drop her!!! if your best friend cannot take your feelings into consideration then that's not good!!

i'm glad that you like me fics btw!! it means a lot <3333

thanks for stopping by 🦊 anon!!! mwah mwah love you (and lmk if i need to air raid P)

[wanderrlust0]

cont.

i ran out of character space so heres part 2. its off topic but i wish i had more asian friendsLOL im so serious. i kinda wish i could have other asian friends who could relate to me and share the same interests in me. some would even share the same interests as my bf just bc were both slightly weebs lolol but in a chill, not excessive way. i think thats why me and snow got along so well from the start without even meeting bc theyre my only friend who is also a nerd like that. were both foodies in our own way and were always down for asian food lol. theyre also my only “goth/emo” friend so we have the most similarities when it comes to our sense of style and like id honestly love to have like a cute goth/emo friend group. whenever i see my mutuals on ig who have those friends and they post pics im like..you guys look so cool together and im jealous lol and im jealous of the friend groups that take cute pics together fr. but yeah idk, id like to meet more asian people but how could that happen, its so specific lmao the only thing i could think of is that app but i cant just start using it without discussing it with my bf and thats what id be nervous about bc like wth i feel like its such a strange requestttt LOL and im scared of judgement so yeah. theres like a slight, slim chance hed let me. i feel like the only way hed really be down for that is if we could share the acc on our own phones. (i think im actually gonna see if thats possible). he at least wont be turned off about the opportunity of making potential friends! he barely has friends to hang out with and i feel bad that he doesnt have a true friend group to do stuff with. his best friend lives in florida (like mine), him and his close friend went separate ways in life, and his school friend is no more in the picture. so like everyone he genuinely hung out with is just unavailable & all thats left are like the little friends that arent life long, yknow. i would like for him to find people he can share the same interest with but even when he tried finding them online they didnt stick. so yeah thats been on my mind. another kinda off topic thing is how hes been bad with replying lately!!! like he’ll just fall asleep early without saying anything to meee. like I KNOW hes on his phone from the time hes eating and in bed ready to sleep. the least he could do is send me a msg!! itll be like 9pm and he disappears:( its the worst on days where im so busy at work so i barely talk to him but then once im finally out hes not always responding fast enough, so again, barely talking that day. he’ll go out to eat lately and not share what he eats with me or send msgs in general! ik it sounds extra i guess but like he can at least send me a pic of something! im always sending him pics when im out with other people and sharing with him what im experiencing and he lowkey sucks at doing that. ill literally ask him to show me pics of places hes at bc he doesnt lol idk maybe its bc i like taking pics in general. but anyways, hes been replying so slowly lately so its been bothering me and also the weed!! how he starts to go nonverbal and then knocks out early when we take edibles bc he takes an insane amount of mgs and so were just on two diff levels of high as the day goes byyy. when we were eating out that day i suddenly told him that i think he overdosed on the edibles lmaoo i couldnt keep it in any longer. he now takes 500mg of a punch bar!!!! he gets the 1000mg bar when he used to get the 250mg one. he would take 2-3 squares. then it was 3-4. hes done the whole 250 maybe multiple? times (ik at least once) now its always 500!!!! &if im being truly honesttt, i dont like it. i dont like how hes like out of commission early. i used to throw up so much from bad trips and turns out i was just taking too much lmao i would get bad motion sickness or id eat too soon/too much. so id be so out of it and i hated that feeling so much and he would be awake and fine. id eventually come back to reality & wouldnt feel sick anymore but now its like the opposite, except he doesnt wake back up!!!!!

[diah-the-demon]

yeah the vibe is different </3 it now feels less like a personal chat and more like a personal chat in a public space but what else can we do when tumblr keeps being homophobic TT-TT

yeah I hope so too!! I'll bring it up to her soon as we still have Sci-fi cons which we regularly attend bcs I think that'd be cool!

and aaaw that sounds adorable!! The Sci-Fi cons that I visit always have lots of kids that age running around with their plastik lightsabers and usually clone wars masks of Anakin and Obi Wan and it's the cutest thing to watch them run around and play out their ideas

yeah she probably won't ksjdlsk it's just that we're both so used of someone bitching at us for buying even the most necessary shit so we gotta get used to that no longer happening slkjdlsk I'll probably bring it up to her soon, maybe tomorrow after uni! Hell I can even pay for it myself, I still have a lot of unused money from the past few cons since I barely bought smth aside from postcards / small prints

ksjdslk you're going to have the sickest bookshelf if that works out! and I hope it does skdjsl But yeah that sounds like a solid idea as to where to put them!!

ooh I think with the shows coming out there should definitely be a spike on tutorials for them!! Though I highly doubt there weren't some to begin with with Star Wars being such a huge franchise!! (and yeah I think that could probably be a solid start!!)

Yeah that's also always what I have noticed (it's probably also one of the most comfortable options ngl skldjsk) I think attaching them is going to be the most tricky part but I bet there are tricks to do so very easily!

yeah it feels way more out in the open, like speaking into a microphone instead of like just a casual conversation sat at a table in the corner of the room.. we could switch to discord or insta dms if we want it less open but idk, feels weird when its not on tumblr

ooo that sounds like fun! i need to try going to a sci-fi con, i know they have some in edinburgh occasionally throughout the year so il see if i can maybe go there eventually

it was!! it was so fucking fun, i remember around that age me and my sister would have lightsaber duels occasionally, too bad the sabers were bad quality so i accidently broke mine when i hit it too hard </3 thankfully it was after halloween so i still had the saber for halloween, just imagine like an 8 or 9 year old with a darth vader mask and red lightsaber walking down a dimly lit street dsjdsslkdj

i remember when i went trick or treating later that day i used my vader helmet (well its more like a mask tbh, its only the front half of vaders helmet lol) as a bucket to keep my sweets and candy in dlskjdslkjds

thats fair i cant rlly blame you or her, it will probably take a long time to get over that (i know the feeling cause my mother is like that sometimes, its so fucking annoying. she does it less to me now cause i have my own money but still)

i hope it goes well when you talk to her about it!! i doubt she wont let you buy it but wishing it goes well anyways!! if you dont do it tomorrow tho do keep in mind the sale is i think only lasting 1 more week? (or until everything sells out) so dont leave it too long slksjdlskd

IK ITS GONNA BE SO COOL, id say my bookshelf is already pretty cool because ive got 2 shelfs of books (one is mostly manga and star wars books, other is recipe books and other misc books) i could put them in 1 shelf but ive done it that way so theres space on the shelf next to the books, so i can put the helmets next to the books!! thinking about it now i can prob get 2 on the bookshelf and then the other 2 could go ontop of it maybe, idk il figure that out when i get them dsjlkds

Edit: heres a pic of said book shelf, forgot to mention the (fake) plant that hangs infront of my manga!!! skdjd Ignore the basket on the second shelf of books btw thats just where i keep my socks rn lmao (and random clothes in the shelf below too sldjslskssjk, im working on it so ignore that)

Anyways i could totally fit a helmet or 2 in here, one where the origami book is and one where the basket is, then the rest can go ontop of the bookcase idk lol

oh yeah its def gonna be trending, i saw one for storm trooper armour a few months ago, not mandalorian but tbh they are close (i mean storm trooper armour was based on the clones armour which was based on mandalorian so it is connected lmao) even if there isnt im pretty sure i could probably figure it out on my own if i had to

i think the way il have to attach it is maybe velcro? cause pins could fall out and if i try to put it back on it will be in a slightly different area probably, so what im thinking is having small velcro patches put onto the body suit and some on the armour pieces!! probably wont work out how it is in my head when i finally do it but i can atleast have ideas until then lol

[fanficbambiandy]

oh its my time to shine! hello yes, im a disabled person and ive noticed a couple of things that you should keep in mind when writing any disabled character if you're able bodied (though a few will be specifically about viktor)

1 a • asexual headcanons: as your local disabled asexual, i can say that there can be issues in regards to this headcanon! a lot of times disabled folk will be infantilized or seen as less capable because "oh how are you supposed to have sex?" aka a lot of weird prejudice about disabled peoples sex lives and if they can even have them. this is not to say you shouldnt headcanon viktor this way at all, but to just keep in mind that if you find yourself always headcanoning disabled characters as ace you should think about why you are doing that!

1 b • on the topic of disablity and sex, please do some research from disabled authors who talk abt this! there are plenty of great resources abt it and i recommend checking them out anyways! disabled people in sex come in all forms, with all position preferences and kinks! and also please maybe try to avoid the "inexperienced shy virgin disabled person is shown how to get it on by the chad able bodied person" trope

2 • the cr*pple word. okay so i actually got flack for this but im saying it anyways: cr*pple is an offensive term and a lot of people (including myself) would consider it a slur. disabled folk are allowed to reclaim it, which is why you see viktor and only viktor say it on screen, but please refrain from using it as an adjective or synonym to disabled person please!

3 • canes and crutches: this is more of a minor one but with canes and crutches you use them on the opposite side of the hurt leg (aka if your left leg acts up, you have your cane on your right)

4 • please dont make our entire existance resentful of our disablities. the show can be a bit guilty of this too, but a lot of times we only are represented as a form of misery porn for able bodied viewers to pity. dont feel the need to make viktors disability his only character trait or motivation, because while our disabilities are a big part of our lives its not the only part of it!

5 • if you can, avoid making viktor seem overly evil or inhuman. yes ik abt the canon league lore but ill explain:

basically a common story beat you'll see for disabled people is rejection of their humanity, because they associate their humanity with their disability and they resent their disability. while it can be done well, it often leads to not so great implications of "disabled people need to change themselves to fit into society instead of soceity accounting and caring for disabled people" which is obviously! bad! theres nothing wrong with us, we're just different and a lot of times people with disabilities are viewed as inhuman or monsters, and it alienates us a lot and makes us seem like some big scary monster to avoid. im not saying it can never be done, but just take a moment to think about why you are utilizing the thing that makes a group a minority their reason to be a villain.

6 • please for the love of all that is holy and good dont do the able bodied saviour trope, viktor grew up in the undercity and while he probably couldnt hold his own in hand to hand combat against someone like vi, that doesnt mean he never learnt jack while living there (and im 98% convinced mans has a hidden weapon slot in his mobility aids at all times /hj)

those are all the disability related tips to keep in mind atm! obvs do your own research, if you have disabled friends comfortable with discussing and answering questions ask them, make sure you are looking at the right places because theres a lot of misinformation about us and please, please please please keep writing about and with viktor. when i saw a disabled character on screen, one that was so similar to mine, who not only acknowledged his disablity but also didnt make it the only aspect of his character i neard cried. its amazing seeing so many people love him as much as i do and im beyond excited to see what everyone creates!

Thank you so much. I'm able-bodied, and I don't know anyone in my circles who have disabilities, so sadly my only resource is the internet and asking online people who are comfortable with sharing. I really hope that the works I have written for Viktor don't make it out, like I view him as a toddler or someone incompetent to take care of himself. I always viewed it as more of getting too engrossed with his work to take care of him (again something i relate so hard on). I hope you don't mind, that I will link this message on the original post.

[wizkiddx]

Congratulations on 500 followers!! Could you do nr 2 with Tom please <3

thankyou <33 im very in my feels abt friends to lover atm, so ik this is a completely unoriginal concept but here we are

warning: nothing much- maybe homesickness? (+ the fact tom has poor choice in popcorn )

^^^ sorry I couldn't not put this on here and I will reuse it lots n lots

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“Right I got two options annnnddddd there is only one correct answer.” Tom hummed up at you, pulling his tired gaze away from the phone screen and up towards the kitchen where you were standing triumphantly - having just raided his cupboards. From behind your back you whipped out a bag of popcorn in each hand.

“Sweet…. or salty?” Sighing with a small chuckle Tom shook his head at your playfulness. He didn’t know how you did it but you always always made his smile.

“I’m not a psychopath…” You huffed in relief, already turning around to throw the salty back in the cupboard where it belonged. “So salty of course.”

You were trapped in a house with an absolute psychopath.

You scowled at him, for having such poor taste, expecting some sort of argument to start. That wasn’t the case though, instead he just stared at you expectantly.

He must really really be unhappy.

You’d sensed it on set that morning - it wasn’t hard to miss. Not when it was your best friend, who for the past two months you’d been spending at least 6 hours a day with whilst shooting. Even when you were supposed to have a day off, when Tom had some solo shots or vice versa, you’d still come to keep the other company. It didn’t make sense but you both just sort of liked it that way.

This wasn’t your first rodeo working together either. Your first joint project had been almost four years ago, when both of you were barely adults, still figuring everything out. Ever since it had been bumping into each other every so often, always with an easy and effortless relationship.

Your current director had noted your chemistry at an awards show (the man never switched off) and decided in that moment he HAD to cast you together for a project. And a year later, here you both were, shooting in Australia for what was set to be a record breaking new release.

And it had been going great - better than great even. But as soon as Tom had shown up to makeup this morning, you’d known something was up. It was fair to assume it was something from home, maybe even just a bit of homesickness, or perhaps something more severe. Either way, the situation was probably exacerbated by the fact he didn’t have his brother or bestfriend or manager or normal syltist with him right now. Tom was pretty renowned within the industry for always having a massive entourage - which was normally made up with his family and friends. This time though he was going it solo.

Today had been long and you’d had to do press at stupid oclock in the morning last night for your current release - which meant your plan had always been to leave promptly and collapse into bed as soon as physically possible.

But Tom needed your company. So you hadn’t. Instead, you’d somewhat subtly invited yourself to his rented house for a movie night - blaming it on your director wanting you both to study the relationship dynamics in ‘out of sight’ (a J Lo and Clooney romance movie).

“You think you know a person and then they loose all your respect… just like that.” You sigh jokingly, gesturing to the bag of ‘foul’ popcorn your costar seemed to like.

“Well we’ve come to a crossroads.”

“It’s been nice knowing you but this…” you scoffed and dramatically rolled your eyes “… I see no way out.”

“Isn’t it better if we have a bag each? Then I might manage to actually get some before you scoff them all.”

You yelped in protest, though really you were just grateful he was still up for a bit of a laugh. He had been much less jokey the whole day, though was seeming to warm up a bit.

Once you had poured the two bags of popcorn into two separate bowels and prepared the film on TV; you plopped yourself onto Tom’s sofa, so your back was against the corner and your feet were over his lap (it wasn’t weird, just normal for the two of you). Instinctively, Tom lightly grabbed your ankles, repositioning you on his thigh slightly before leaning across the pull the blanket over the both of you. Whilst he smoothed out the crinkles in the fluffy navy fabric you took the opportunity to poke your toe into his side - garnering his attention.

“I take it you don’t wanna talk about it?” After he froze, Tom then nodded jerkily. “But if you change your mind, you know I’m here right?” His demeanour changed at your second statement as his body literally sagged into the cushions, with a grateful if small smile.

He respond by mouthing an ‘I know’ and that was enough for you. Shuffling down the side a bit you pressed play, settling in for the evening. Tom still had a hand resting on your ankles, occasionally rubbing his thumb up and down the bony bit.

Honestly you didn’t really see what your director was going on about when he raved about their on screen chemistry and it seemed that neither did Tom. It wasn’t a scathing commentary that gave it away, instead it was his silence. Which you quickly realised was the he had drifted off, his head lolling a little so he was facing you, palms now completely lax on your legs. It was whilst you were just taking in the sight before you, that a buzzing cut through the otherwise soft noise from the TV - which you had turned down for Tom’s sake.

It wasn’t your phone but you instinctively still reached for it from the coffee table and seeing that the name just read “Harry H” you thought it’d be fine to answer.

“Harry?” You whispered into the receiver, slightly cupping your hand round your mouth just to make sure you weren’t too loud for Tom.

“Hello?”

“Harry it’s me”

“Who?” You’d met Harry countless times, though given the fact Tom had been alone all shoot - you shouldn’t of expected the kid to be able to recognise your voice.

“Oh sorry Y/n um Y/n L/n”

“Oh no my fault sorry Y/n. How are you?” The conversation was jilted, you could practically feel the awkward energy radiating all the way from the otherside of the world.

“I’m alright thanks, how about you.”

“Yeh not bad I uhm… I - is my brother there?” Oooh. How to answer that question.

“Um sort of, we er… we were having a movie night and he’s fallen asleep. It’s why I’m whispering like a weirdo.” Harry laughed at that and you continued. “Is everything okay? You need me to wake him?”

“No no, mum just said he was having a rough time so was going to cheer him up with my exquisite sense of humour but if you’ve bored him to death then no need.”

“What can I say I’m just talented. Anyway I should be heading back to mine anyway so um I’ll let you go?”

“Oh yeh no worries, and uhm thanks-um thanks for keeping an eye on him.”

“Someone has to” You chuckled softly back, before bidding a final farewell to Harry.

Having hung up the phone, you leaned over to gently place it back on the coffee table but making a mental note to put it on charge before you left. Your next job was to manoeuvre your legs away from him without disturbing him but before you could even start planning the movement, you noticed his weary eyes blinked over at you. Freezing, your mouth made a little ‘o’ shape as you winced at yourself for disrupting his peace - today really wasn’t the day for that. There was a silence as Tom swallowed thickly, attempting to shake off the heavy lull of rest before he spoke. “Will you stay with me… please.”

Undoubtedly, your body didn’t play it as cool as you wanted it to. Thinking you’d heard him wrong, your chin protruded forward and his eyes widened. “ Sorry not like-not like that just um-just on the sofa… theres-theres spare blankets and I can-“

“-course T, no worries…Oh and um your brother just phoned if you-“

“I know.” He spoke softly and with a nod, but didn’t move at all, apparently no interest in calling his brother back.

With a stammered nod, you stood up, finally removing your legs from his touch in order to nip to the loo. You splashed your face with water, ate some toothpaste ( better than not brushing your teeth at all) before going to collect Tom’s quilt off his bed. By the time you re-entered the living room, Tom hadn’t appeared to have moved at all. The hood of his purple jumped was still up, the blanket still only half covering him, the excess lying cold were you had been sitting. He laughed lightly at you trying to wrangle with the king size duvet and get it in without tripping over yourself or knocking anything over.

“You sure you don’t mind? I’m just being stupid and-“

“Honestly I’m too tired to walk back to mine so this is perfect.”

“You live across the road.”

“Thats like 50 steps too far.” You deadpanned back, as he raised his eyebrows and locked you direct eye contact - which you very stubbornly returned.

The both of you sat like that for a minute, Tom eventually gave up with a sigh as he motioned for you to lie back.

There wasn’t an issue at all with space. A listers rental homes were never lacking in space - the grey sofa was a U shape, with ample space for the both of you to lie down. Each of you took a respective corner, your legs meeting in the middle and gently brushing against each others.

“Thanks for babysitting me today by the way.”

“I wasn-“ You were about to deny it, except one look and Tom saw straight through you.

“Thankyou Y/n/n” Seeing there was no way out of receiving his thanks, you instead opted to just shut him up. Nudging his leg with yours and leaving it touching you murmured you last words of the evening - eyes already closed.

“Fuck off Holland, ‘m tryna sleep.”

~~~~ let me know if you have any feedback or anything (but pls not too mean this isn't proof read so blame that) <33 ~~~~~~

tagging : @thefernandasantana @lovehollandy12 @hallecarey1 @crossyourpeter @hollandfanficlove @msmimimerton @thegirlwiththeimpala

[2yuu]

while we wait pt 2 of emotional rant with no point but like . (its a lot of talking to say nothing don’t mind me)

ok this is like . obvious and all but i really do love my friends a whole lot like . wow unbelievable ik . but like im a pretty shy nd reserved? nd quiet person so like making friends isnt the easiest thing and even when theres ppl who are like . friendly w me im usually still too scared to like actually make an effort to like talk to them or spend time with them (,,, actually even with my actual friends. but) bc like ... idk i dont like bothering people and i know i'm boring and i can't keep a conversation going and i usually don't have much to say . once again bc i'm boring . but like even when i do i tend to not want to say anything bc i dont wanna ruin the mood with like an awkward joke or smth and also . i tend to speak quietly and ppl asking me to repeat what i said is truly so embarrassing to me like ... ik it's because they genuinely didnt hear but like i. . dont wanna say whatever i said twice i alr feel self conscious nd when i repeat myself more ppl are listening nd paying more attention nd it's like suddenly there's an expectation that whatever u had to say was of value yknow . all that nd also i just . tend to think my presence doesnt rlly matter because of that because . i tend to just observe idk i don't add anything to the conversation . like .... i really enjoy just ... being there ? just being around my friends just watching them have a time? i don't really enjoy participating in games nd stuff when we hang out also so that adds to the boringness but so like . i was talking to anna (one of my uni friends tm) recently nd she mentioned that whenever we have a class that i share w them they all tend to ask themselves if ill be coming. them just greeting me with open arms when i actually do show up. when they all took the time to say bye to me before they left that one time i drank too much and was just laying on the floor in anna's bathroom. when they were simply just . okay with me not playing uno with them nd just watching them play. its just so ? when i disappear into a depression bubble for weeks nd they dont see me nd dont hear from me for all that time but then i appear from nowhere nd they dont . question it or dont act any different than they would before it's so .. comforting idk the reassurance i get from there being always at least one person to mention me in the discord or even going as far as messaging me directly on whatsapp (because they know im more likely to see their message there) when theyre making plans to make sure im included . . . like . i think it might be the first time ive had (irl) friends like that ? and that feels mean to say because i had a close friend in brussels nd shes still v important to me but it really feels like we're growing apart when we don't talk as opposed to my uni friends who just . idk . idk how to phrase whatever i wanna say. but my uni friends are so very beloved to me.

and on a note abt tumblr friends my belovedstest its. obv a bit different but like to anyone ive actually talked to in any way . thank u for bearing with me ik im awkward nd i dont have anything to say ever so sometimes i just !! reply nonsense to ur posts or send useless asks but !!! i have a v strong desire to connect with u all bc u ARE so very beloved to me i just dont know how to go about it </3 and once again ik im not the only one struggling w that so once again im far from being unique in that aspect but like .. yeah .. its like .. i wanna talk to u all i rlly do but i dont know what abt </3 so like sorry to lu for always just bringing up entxt lore nd nothing else like ever sorry to eri just like in general bc she's probably the mutual ive talked to the most off tumblr nd i ... (stares off into the distance) am pretty annoying im trying rlly hard not to be i hope the effort shows but like also thank u erieri for like ... actually messaging me first possibly every time (im saying that like its been 3836266 times . but) because like !!! i really do appreciate it so much i get v 🥺❣❣ the point is i would absolutely talk to ven nd bri nd iri nd lu nd eri nd ro nd vi 24/7 if i could . other mutuals too but i listed people who ive actually talked to a bit i just feel sorry i can't talk to them more </3

[vannamelonpie]

top 10 writers and reviewing by h.melon pt.2 (skz)

(this is just my opinion as a fan of fics and ill possibly do a pt3 for dom!readers writers and underrated writers)

1, @starrychannies (10/10)

fics: yes please. it's TOO good. Not too rough but not too soft either, which is,,, quite unique from others ive read? nevertheless her skills are amazing and her fics are interesting to read, i mean i could read hers all day long!

personality: she's very sweet & lovely! and sarcastic and funny too,,,

 recs: baby steps - chan

2, @skz-dark-hours (9/10)

 fics: i know many of you are gonna be like why isnt she at the fist place. keep in mind that this is my opinion and i prefer sunny's more. lilo's writing is good! she writes both rough and soft! everything's detailed and well written that's why people like to read hers so much! but her plots are pretty typical,,, whats new anyways,,,

 personality: naiceeeee... but idk i havent talked much to her lately 🥺👉👈

 recs: anything lol here, take a scroll

3, @slut4felix (9/10)

 fics: OMG what the hell am i reading they're so good bro 😳 idk if it's just me but her fics are like,,, p o r n. LIKE LITERALLY. everyone's are pOrN but why are her's make me so- 😳😳😳

 personality: s w e e t i e b e b e

 rec: doctor hwang - hyunjin

4, @skz-potions (10/10)

 fics: wow damn this one is pretty unique istg. everything is on point she knows how to make her writing intriguing and interesting to read. the aftercares are so soft eye-

 personality: TaLkEd tO hEr onLy oNcE thOugh

  recs: [01:12] - minho im a dirty pig yes

5, @backhugsforhyunjin (8,5/10)

 fics: she's extremely talented she excels in EVERY genre but that's not new 😔✊ i love the way she guide her plot she's so creative it i love everything 😔🖐️ read her angst theyre top tier

 personality: skjslsjskdhdk she always say haha shes awkward asf thats just h o t 😳 shes my mozer

 recs: drunk sex - changbin

6, @nxt2chris (8,5/10)

 fics: uM eXcuSe mE? why is she so underrated i mean- many writers are too rushed on the actual smut part and didnt take enough time on those parts (chaoticminhos skjdksjsks) but this writer took her time on describing parts it was so professional 🥺 i like how she dedicate sm to her fics

 personality: cutie i wanna hold her hands

  recs: [22:56] - hyunjin wow damn this hit hard

7, @honeybinnies (8/10)

 fics: sometimes she gives me a slow and sensual vibe. and i like that feeling. love how some of her fics dont have to be all kinky and stuff like the others instead choosing to keep things slow and lazy. q u a l i t y

 personality: okay bruh at least now ik how u sound like when you suck chan's dick 😳

 recs: [1:12] - hyunjin i like this 😳👉👈

8, @nightshade-minho (8/10)

 fics: not @ how i only read one of her fic but still putting her into this sksjsljdkd BUT the way she comes up with ideas though everything matches so perfectly im scared

 personality: c h i l l

  recs: call me miss - hyunjin the only one i read ( ͡°ᴥ ͡° ʋ)

9, @lordseochangbin (8/10)

 fics: aesthetic 🍹🧺🌿 theres some special vibes she gives me while reading her fluffs the way she writes makes me feel like im watching a k drama and the feeling of being in the streets with soft sunlight on your skin and the smell of the road idk but im nostalgic reading her fics everything seems so dreamy ☁️✨

 personality: funny? idk

 recs: barista boy - jisung

10, @bruh-changbin (9/10)

 fics: her endings were obvious yes but something's really intriguing about her fics make me wanna read it over and over again. i guess the scenarios are way too good, situations are too exciting and fluttering to be in. she has talent i said what i said.

 personality: umm,,, kind!

 recs: prove it - hyunjin

k i l l m e it has been 2 months since ive released the first one 😳 also if anyone would wanna get untagged and off this list bcs you dont wanna. dm me ill gladly replace you.

[rosykims]

A-Z HEADCANONS // DUNCAN THEIRIN

i was tagged by @nordxz thanks so much tash !! i'm gonna answer this for duncan, my babey and the next gen son of alistair and ella cousland 😊😚😘

i snappped while answering these and accidentally wrote 6 pages and almost 4k words so uh. loooooong infodump ahead.

Alignment: What would be their D&D alignment? How might it come into play?

duncan very easily falls into the lawful neutral category, like i dont rly need to give his alignment too much thought unlike with some of my other ocs. duncan is.....hmm. hes a very KIND person, generous and selfless, and tries his best to make people happy, but i wouldn’t necessarily say he's good, considering a lot his issues lie with his inability to act, or stand up to others. he’s guilty of very blindly following the law, or other people's ideas of what's right, and he doesn't really feel confident enough to rely on his own conscience for most things. so i'd say while he tries to do the right thing and act within the law, sometimes he goes against his own values out of fear or confusion or, simply out of ignorance, since he was born into a life of privilege and can't always distinguish what's right and what’s believed ykno

Beverage: What do they most like to drink, and why?

duncan shares a weird trait with both his brother and sister where they all just inexplicably ?? don't like alcohol at all. so stuff like wine and liquors is off the table. he absolutely LOVES tea though. u know that one scene in scott pilgrim where the gal is going thru her list of like 72 teas? thats him 100%. it's his lifeblood at this point, he has SO much of it and a perk of being the heir to a monarchy means he's got a lot of foreign merchant acquaintances, so he tends to order in different blends from all over. he's a chronic insomniac, and he uses it as a crutch to get through the days some times. modern!duncan still loves tea but obviously has a stronger love for coffee, since its far more effective!

Co-Habitat: Do they live with anyone? What’s “need to know” before moving in?

duncan currently lives in the residential dorms of the college of enchanters, while he's sort of aimlessly studying a bunch of subjects he's already mostly adept at. firstly, duncan is VERY sick lol, he was conceived while ella and alistair still hadn't found the cure for the joining, and essentially he inherited both of their darkspawn taint so 🙂🙂🙂 thats always a good time. so anyone who lives with him needs to prepare for 1) him being sick obviously,, throwing up, coughing up blood, looking like a corpse virtually 23 hours of the day lol. and obviously the fear that one day he might actually die. but also 2) he suffers from grey warden nightmares for the same reasons, hence the insomnia. he can go a concerning number of days without sleeping and usually only takes strategic cat naps when he needs to, but obviously he has his limits. it's very rare that he goes a full night without waking up in a cold sweat due to nightmares so. we stan one depressed king ! oh he also is Incapable of locking the door to his apartment. he always forgets and hes too tired to care about people stealing his stuff fkdkdjdjd he would probably make more of an effort if he had someone living with him, but old habits die hard so !!!!!!

Decor: What kind of home do they keep? Are there any defining details?

honestly , duncan's house is very devoid of clutter or personal items in general, which is sad. he definitely would have a lot of decor if he could, but since his current housing is only temporary while he's in orlais, he doesn't really want to get... comfortable ykno. other than that, duncan's home is always kept impeccably neat and clean, for two reasons. firstly, growing up in denerim's palace really engrained into his head the importance of keeping up appearances, so its sort of a subconscious ritual of his at this point. but i think more importantly its because of all the nights when he cant sleep, so during the night with nothing to keep him from dwelling on his thoughts or nightmares, he really needs the distraction, and cleaning gives him something to do. duncan really needs to feel like he's doing something, like he's managing, like he's able to achieve something so cleaning is just one little way of taking ownership of his life.

Escape: What do they do to de-stress? How successful is it?

nsfw warning but uhhh..... he has a LOT of sex basically dkdkdksk u wouldn’t know it by looking at him tho ! bc hes very polite and nervous and kinda shy?? but hes also charming and obviously attractive so he doesnt really lack for interested parties. mainly he just sticks to one night stands, with no strings attached, and it helps him take his mind off things when hes exhausted or its late at night and hes afraid to go to sleep. otherwise he also has had some friends with benefits but usually his personal life is too complicated for a serious relationship. aside from that, he also reads a LOT, writes too – when he has the time/energy – and obviously cuddling sessions with his cat, moira dkdkdk

Fluff: What hits their soft spot? Does anything turn them into emotional goo?

so ik above i said that duncan doesnt do serious relationships but thats,, not through any will of his own. he LOVES love and is a complete hopeless romantic , but unfortunately for a number of reasons he's just very unlucky at love ! 😔 so having an emotional, intimate connection with someone that isnt just sex is super healing for him, since he's not used to it at all. being with nadaia is such a positive thing for him, just knowing that his feelings are reciprocated and that he's valued and wanted.

Grudge: How bad does an insult go over? Do they hold a grudge long?

i think it depends on who its directed at !! duncan usually ignores any insults directed at him because he's grown up being so scrutinized by the public and for the most part, fereldens are very weary of him so he hears A LOT. most of criticisms about him he just.. automatically accepts as fact and really buys into them, bc he has such low self esteem. but as for other people, and ESPECIALLY loved ones thats a very different story!! he's not exactly the type to start throwing punches if anyone says a bad word against someone he cares about, but he WILL personally see to it in his own sneaky way that they get whats coming to them dkdkkdjd usually he'll either find a way to expose their dirty laundry, embarrass them in public, prevent a promotion, something like that lol. this goes double if the insult is directed at nadaia or his family.

Hobby: What’s something they do for fun that might be surprising?

ive already mentioned that he's an avid reader and he likes to write occasionally, but he's also a talented musician! He can play harp and lute, and has a beautiful singing voice ! tho he never EVER sings in public and u have to be like,, a ride or die for him to even consider singing in front of u.

Insomnia: What’s their sleeping schedule like? Snorer? Sound sleeper?

well like i said he's an insomniac so sleep rly is a vague, barely recognised concept to him at the point dksksksk he also experiences sleep paralysis during especially bad nightmares, honestly he rly hit the misery jackpot and i feel so bad like hes indisputably my most tormented oc 🙃🙃🙃 so yea hehe doesnt really thrash around during nightmares but he sweats A LOT and sometimes talks in his sleep. during sleep paraylsis obviouslyy he goes COMPLETELY rigid and still which is terrifying for everyone involved lol. on the rare occasion that he is able to sleep he is out like a light lol he would sleep for 17 hours if he could. in saying that because he is also a Strategic Napper he is usually comfortable falling asleep ANYWHERE, because hes so tired comfort really isnt a concern lol.

Jaded: Do they buy into the “happily ever after” ideal? What’s their standard?

no he doesn't unfortunately 😔 or at least i should say he doesn't believe in it for himself - he's pretty convinced that he won't live til 30 and he's existing on borrowed time as it is, so he hasn't really put a lot of thought into his own happiness or the pursuit of his own goals because he doesn't believe he'll be around to see them realized

Kin: What’s their role among their relations? Do they consider others family?

duncan is the firstborn son of king!alistair and ella cousland, my canon warden. he's also the eldest brother to roslyn and bryce theirin. he's also, obviously , the half brother of keiran, tho none of the theirin kids are aware of that oof. his role, officially, is to become king when his parents eventually pass. its NOT something he wants, due to being so sick and unsure of himself. despite what his parents tell him, he doesnt believe he will make a good king and is really terrified of the notion in general, i guess a little like alistair was in dao. duncan kinda,,, avoids his duties, to the point where he literally LEAVES to live and study in orlais. he still does what he needs to do, keeps in correspondence with people he needs to, but its all bare minimum stuff because hes just. so afraid of it lol. he has a mostly good relationship with his family, despite that – theres some resentment between him and his sister, rose, but thats a whole entire story we dont have time for dkdkskdk

Law: What do they think about abiding rules? Are they selective about it?

like i said before he's pretty adherent to the rules and laws of society tho i do see that as more of a flaw than anything. he doesnt really feel comfortable stepping outside the norm and tends to accept that other people know best ! even if he disagrees he's usually too unsure of himself to speak up. that does change quite a bit once he and nadaia grow closer, since SHE is big on bending ridiculous or unjust rules, but he's always gonna be a bit of a follower i think 😒

Magic: In a magic series or not, are they accepting, or is each instance a shock?

he's accepting!! he's a mage so it would be wild of him if he didnt lmao. during his childhood/adolesence he was kinda harsh on himself and had a lot of internalized guilt for being a mage, bc this was obviously still fresh after the mage rebellions. he resented his own abilities and just wanted to be normal, but that was also him projecting a lot of his other problems as well. he had amazing teachers who helped him come to terms with his abilities, and the best of all was my inquisitor, ashara, who is kind of like a very distant, scary aunt who always had a soft spot for him. she helped him – and alistair and ella – RIGHT after they discovered he was a mage, and she was really the biggest role model in his life when it came to magic. duncan has always looked up to her skill and control and confidence, and tried very hard to match that.

Network: Are they connected to the people? How much do they reach out to others?

duncan has an ARMY of acquaintances and connections due to his family, but doesn't really have a lot of people he considers his close friends. he's super friendly and he gets along with most people, but like ive said before serious relationships including friendships are always a bit complicated for him bc of who he is as a person lol. as for reaching out, he's a very independent, introverted person and so he tends not to seek out other people unless he's close to them or has no other choice. he's very self conscious about being a burden on people or being to “needy" so he holds himself back and sometimes comes across as a little cold.

Offspring: What kind of parent would they be? Would they prefer one, or multiple?

he.... probably can't physically have kids unfortunately due to his condition, and as a result he's never really wanted to think too much about it, or imagine a scenario that he believes he cant have. but if it WERE a possibility, or if he felt stable in his own life enough to adopt, he'd probably be comfortable with just one child to completely spoil. he would be such a good father, albiet maybe not the coolest dad ddkdkdks i think nadaia would be the one who got up to the crazy shenanigans and let her child get away with everything, and duncan would be more of the nurturing, responsible one. he'd be a MASTER at telling bedtime stories, would kick ass at homework assistance, and would sing his kid to sleep every single night (until they got too old for it obviously). ooooo im so IMMENSELY emo abt this au now that i think about it

Pistol: Is this character skilled with a weapon? What’s their opinion of violence?

duncan is a very non-violent person, but he does believe that sometimes violence is necessary and will BE violent if he needs to – only in self defence scenarios though. he's an adept mage, and very skilled with a staff, but he isn't a fighter, really – more of a defensive, protective figure.

Question: How often do they feel doubt? What topics are they defensive about?

oh the doubt is constant with him 🙃🙃 he has a lot of deep routed dread about his own morality and whether or not he's a good person or if the maker will accept him when he dies. he's andrastian but TERRIFIED of the notion that its all actually real, bc then he doesnt know where that leaves him. he has this weird existential dichotomy where he doesnt know if hes closer resembling a grey warden or a darkspawn bc of his tainted blood. he also doubts his abilities and his magic bc he's afraid that the taint just,, makes him inherently a corrupted thing. he doubts himself on a more basic level with like, being a good brother, a good son, a good king when the time comes. he wants to be a good student and partner but sometimes his health makes him feel like he cant, and it weighs on him so heavily, almost all the time. basically he needs a hug so badly its not funny 😔😔😔

Reminder: How are they at remembering daily needs? What falls through the cracks?

uhh its very selective !!! for the most part he's very good at taking care of himself, mostly because he NEEDS to otherwise his health gets out of control, but sometimes he tends to prioritize one set of needs above another,, which usually means not sleeping (the most common), forgetting to eat, not letting his loved ones know when he's having a poor health day which usually results in him getting really sick and nobody is around to help him. he also forgets to do certain things like lock up his house, buy foodstuffs, reply to peoples letters n stuff like that.

Sing: Do they like music? Do they listen often/sing/hum/play songs in their head?

yes and yes !! duncan loves music altho its a very personal and private thing for him. he's pretty naturally gifted with music and gets it from ella, who taught him a lot of what he knows. he has a gorgeous singing voice (i kinda hc something similar to dan smith’s vocals from bastille!) that he rarely uses bc he only ever sings when he's alone or if he's forced to by a nosy loved one or something lol

Touch: How do they handle contact? Is their personal bubble big?

duncan doesn't mind being touched !!! in fact in most situations he welcomes it, as long as its like,,, appropriate and not some random stranger obviously. he grew up with ella and alistair who obviously are VERY affectionate people so he loves giving and receiving hugs from friends and he doesnt flinch or feel weird about just? random natural touches or anything. his ~love language~ is also physical touch so he LIVES for cuddling with nadaia and holding hands and anything like that. however !!! his little sister rose HATES being touched by virtually anybody and in any capacity, so he's very aware that not everybody is okay with touch, and is always careful and considerate of other peoples boundaries. he usually waits for the other person to make the first move, or simply asks them first !

Upcoming: How much do they think of the future? Do they make long-term plans?

he doesn't at all 😔 i mentioned this before but he doesn't see himself living very long, and its really impacted his outlook on life. he is afraid to commit to a lot of things, even if its something he really, truly wants, because he doesn't want to get his hopes up for things. it also keeps him from forging positive relationships. a lot of it has to do with him just being overly polite, but he refuses to make the first move with anything, or communicate what HE wants out of something. for example, his relationship with nadaia could have progressed so much faster if he had just,,, told her what he wanted. she had to make a lot of the first moves in the relationship because he just,, doesnt know how to take chances i guess !!! we love a Deeply Flawed king

Vice: What bad habits do they have? Is there something they would be ashamed of?

Some harmless ones are ; him talking to his cat constantly dkdskd also he has very poor time management skills so he's almost always a few minutes late, forgetting to lock his stuff up, and slouching, probably !!! some more serious ones would be like,, having sex with strangers as a coping mechanism lol, not speaking his mind and instead just letting himself be a doormat, also INTENSE avoidance of his problems (moving away to orlais for 9 years to avoid his fear of being king for example 🙃) tho i guess they fall under the same category oof.

Wardrobe: What’s their fashion style? Do they have any staple pieces?

duncan dresses nice, for the most part !!! again, it's mostly to do with growing up in court and having to keep up appearances, but also hes just. a nice bisexual boy who wants to take care of himself ykno, and that includes hygiene/clothing/grooming etc ! he's maybe a bit TOO reserved tho, he mostly wears dark colours like blacks, greys and brows, but hes been known to wears reds/blues/whites as well, and there’s a lot of subtle yet beautiful details on his more formal attire that might go unnoticed by a casual eye. a lot of his clothes are specifically tailored but he's also fond of big oversized sweaters for when hes just hanging out ! he's got a not great relationship with his body lol so he usually dresses very conservatively, with long sleeves and pants and usually more than one layer, but hes also a thot so !!! pants be TIGHT dksksksks

X-Ray: How’s their health? Any problem areas? Do they take care of themselves?

Djdjdksksndjddjkekdidksjs OKAY WELL if u have read this far than obviously u kno the answer to this question. if ur just skimming tho first of all ur valid ! second of all duncan is VERY sick. he was conceived when ella and alistair where still searching for the joining cur, so basically he inherited the darkspawn taint x 2 and nearly died a bunch of times as a baby/young child. obviously idk how the cure storyline is gonna resolve but my hc is that bc the darkspawn taint is something he was BORN with, not just something that happened to him via ritual, his body is much more impacted by it so even if they are able to find a cure, it wouldnt work THAT well and his health would still suffer bc of the prolonged damage. so physically, he deals with a LOT – intense migraines, insomnia, nausea, fatigue, problems with breathing and fevers and stuff. obviously mentally hes.... not doing great either, tho he’s trying his best. sometimes his insomnia gets so bad he starts hallucinating visions from his darkspawn nightmares, and sometimes he just feel paranoid in general that he's actually an Evil Darkspawn and hes just somehow managed to convince everyone hes a normal person – sort of a weird blend of imposter syndrome and body dysmorphia its. complicated. anyway he has very low self esteem and tends to think hes a huge inconvenience to everybody, and when he was a teenager he went thru a period where he was very suicidal, and ANGRY and afraid 😔 he’s doing better though, now that he has learnt how to manage most of his symptoms and he's not suffering in denerim court. nadaia is also a huge help, though he tries not to become too heavily reliant on her, since he's had bad experiences with depending too much on other people.

Yack: What’s their favorite thing to talk about? What do they go on about?

skskdkdk im already crying hehe 🙂 duncan is so introverted and self conscious of being “Too Much" for other people so he tends to keep his thoughts/interests to himself and stick w just. boring small tall or non invasive questions relating to the other person. BUT if u show an interest and he trusts u then oh boy. hes an absolute dork. he loves talking about magic and having really intense conversations abt the technical sides of it (he and dorian would get along SO well) but he also loves history !!!! before he began studying at the college of enchanters he received multiple ??? qualifications?? (idk if thats the right term but u kno) from the university of orlais, one of them being orlesian and ferelden history. also anything to do with the grey wardens, the blights and darkspawn for personal reasons obviously. He's a VERY good storyteller so he somehow finds a way to make even the dryest topics seem very compelling and Cool – varric would be proud !! he finds the orlesian Great Game fascinating, and he enjoys sharing wild anecdotes about the things he's seen asshole nobles get up to. thats always thrilling skdksksk ALSO. He has a secret interest in necromancy and the mortalitasi (its only a secret bc hes the heir and that wouldnt look ... great lol ) but he only ever really talks about that with nadaia, who finds that stuff almost as interesting as he does. also, finally, he loves talking about nadaia 😊😊😊😊 hes the type of guy who will always namedrop “my girlfriend" into any conversation, loves telling people about her accomplishments and how Cool she is ..... he loves her a Lot is what im getting at sksksks

Zodiac: What’s their astro sign? Does it fit? What would you pick, if it’s unknown?

duncan is a pisces babey like his mother !!! tho he could also be a virgo but,,, i think for now pisces works better for him. he's very smart and introspective and creative, but he has some issues with critical thoughts, avoidance and melancholy like ive mentioned. also pisces is a water element so i guess that makes even more sense, since hes an ice mage 👌👌👌

okay !!! im done !!! i cant believe i wrote all that but i guess if u didnt know abt duncan before, u absolutely do now dksksks im so sorry to anyone who actually read thru all of this, u really are braver than the troops

[all-at-once-you-are-the-one]

Stream of Consciousness Lover Album Reaction

I wrote out my first thoughts while listening to the album and put them in one big post. I hope you find them as funny as I do lmao

1. I Forget That You Existed

LOL so that’s what the drake Easter egg was about!

Who is this about????

NIIIIiiiiiiiiiIIIiiiiCE

SHE SOUNDS SO GOOD

I JUST FORGOT WHAT THEY WERE LMAOOO

HER LAUGH!! SO CUTE!!

This track is somehow savage and adorable at the same time

So......yeah.......

ShnfhKJHGKSHDKGHSKGHSJG

2. Cruel Summer

This is giving me Katy perry vibes

The devils roll their dice line is from this?? Didn’t expect that

This is maybe the catchiest song I’ve ever heard

Why is this not a single??????

STILL DONT KNOW WHAT SUMMERS A KNIFE MEANS

EXPLAIN TAYLOR

This also kind of gives me Jonas brothers vibes, why???

Again.....what is this about???

OooOOoooOooWhoooooAAAAhh i loveeee this

OOOH no you know what this gives me GETAWAY CAR vibes

Wait...do we think that at the beginning joe wanted to keep their relationship private and Taylor agreed but then changed her mind? WAIT NO.....is this about her having to keep her love for joe secret at first the summer they met because she was with someone else/it was too soon??

3. Lover

Ok SUPER WEIRD transition into lover but OK

As much as I love albums with a clear narrative like rep I also like being all over the place so this is fine

CAN I GO WHERE YOU GOOOOOO

FOR EVER AND EVER ANDIIIII

YOURE MY MY MY MYYYYY LOVER

I wonder what inspired her to use the term lover? Does she not know that normal people don’t speak like that?

WAIT IS THE REASON LOVER COMES AFTER CRUEL SUMMER because of the 3 summers line?? Like look how we started...now were here

Does the album begin with i forgot you existed because its like ok this Kanye situation happened...but now were gonna forget about that and talk about the realer real story of the past couple years of my life rather than seeing it through the lens of that story like on rep

4. The Man

THE ACCURACY

THE ACCURAACCCCYYYYYYYYY

IT HUUURRTTSSS

Honestly though i actually thought this one would be more savage, i thi

DID SHE JUST SAY BITCHES AND MODELSSSS?????

SLJGSHUKGHKDG

Never mind this is as savage as i wanted

I should know better than to judge a Taylor song before the bridge

Again why isn’t this a single.....it better be

5. The Archer

The emotional whiplash this album is giving me is insane.

It’s like RED but with synths

Is the archer placed here because part of her lack of self confidence comes from the things the media says about her (because she’s a woman not a man?) INTERESTING THOUGHT

Don’t have much else to say about this, we already know

.....

Wow the cake i bought for tonight is somehow way too sweet

6. I Think He Knows

Definitely didn’t think i think he knows was about being horny af

But this is so catchy

Why is everything so catchy?? Literally every song should be a single

BOY I UNDERSTAND the confidence!! After the archer!! I love that he makes her feel that way1!!

I THINK HE KNOOOOOOOWWWWSS

This gives me teenage dream vibes and i fucking love that song

7. Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince

Ok time for the one with the weird title

I love how she keeps comparing her current feelings to how she felt as a teenager!! How its the same and different....very good.

SHES A BAD BAD GIRL

More dice!

Is she imagining what it would be like if she was in this relationship in high school? Because I DO THAT ALL THE TIIIIME GIRL SAME

THATS MY WHOLE WORLD SOOOO CUUUUTE

YOU PLAY STUPID GAMES YOU WIN STUPID PRIZES

VOTED

MOST

LIKELY

TO

RUN

AWAY

WITH

YOU

I really like this one. I didn’t expect I would.

This should be a single.

8. Paper Rings

THE VOICE EFFECT

She’s singing so fast on these songs!!!! I CANT KEEP UPP

UH HUH

THATS RIGHT

This is so retro and i loooooooooooooooooooooove it

DIRTY DREAMS??????? TAYLOR PLEASE

OMG THE COLOUR WE PAINTED YOUR BROTHERS WALL

THE PICTURE

THE PICTURE

FROM THE REP MAGAZINES

SDIHGUSHGUKHDZRKUGHKUDZHGUHDZGHDKZHGYIDZJLGJLDJGJSDJGDHZGHLGHLSHGHDG

II LIKE SHINY THINGS

THIS SONG IS SO FUN! ALL THESE SONGS ARE SO FUN!!

Ok baby boy that’s kinda weird but you know what..

....

....

Ok its still weird but maybe it will grow on me

This should be a single.

9. Cornelia Street

HERE IT IS!!! THE FIRST TAYLOR PRODUCED SONG

I NEVER WANT CORNELIA STREET AGAIN?? WHAT IS THIS ABOUT?? THEIR WORST FIGHT? ANOTHER RELATIONSIP? QUESTIONS

The storytelling!

Wait......is this about before they ran away together in CIWYW?? Like she thought he didn’t really want her so she was gonna run away alone...but then he was like no i really do lets go

I totally thought that this was the one with the staring out the window like I’m not your favorite town line was from

She ended it with the line she started with (i think)? Ike she used to!

Kinda feel like people hyped this one up too much but i do like it

10. Death by a Thousand Cuts

The piano!!!!

Like a thousand notes a thousand cuts

Look through the windows of this love - like the heart on her eye! I get it I GET IT lmaoooo

If this song was on red it would have the saddest production but on this album its a bop

11. London Boy

IS THAT JOE??? OMG lmao

HER ACCENT LMAOOOOOOOOO

I don’t know if this song is supposed to be as hilarious as i think it is but i really do think its hilarious

What does like a Tennessee Stella McCartney even mean????

I kinda feel like this song is too specific to her life to be relatable so maybe that’s why i feel that way about it?

12. Soon You’ll Get Better

Ok great... so we went from that to the sad one

I have to prepare

I didn’t tell you i was scared....

Cause you have to...

The fact that this is the country song...

I cant

GOD NOW IM CRYING THIS IS SO SAD

That was the only song so far i had to actually stop typing for. God....I’m so sad for her and her family.

13. False God

I can barely take this song in because of what just came before.

But i really like it. And i really like the theme of religion on this album

14. You Need to Calm Down

NOW YNTCD IS PLAYING

??? IM LITERALLY SOO SAD FROM SOON YOULL GET BETTER STILL

I CANT

PROCESS

THIS

This album is literally all over the place, i keep trying to assign a narrative to it and its not working out so I’m just gonna give up

Sometimes albums are just collections of songs and not a coherent, linear story and that is ok! Even if its not what i prefer

It certainly didn’t bother me on her first few albums.

The one thing i take away from this is like...no wonder she’s so determined to be so overly positive, i think for her its that or break down crying in the face of what’s happening in her family

15. Afterglow

I really love this song!!! Hashtag relatable

......

Man..you can really tell even just from my typing that my heart isn’t in this anymore after that song

Like

Fuck

I think I’m just sad for me too, because i know that i will go through that too sooner rather than later and I already have friends dealing with losing a parent.

16. ME!

My only thought on this is god bless brendon Urie for injecting so much additional joy and energy into this song and making Taylor happy, i just get the vibe that she really needed that

ALSO WHAT THERES REALLY NO HEY KIDS SPELLING IS FUN

TAYLOR EXPLAAIAIIIIIIIAIAIIAN

We’ll see if its on my physical cd copies when they arrive...if not then maybe it was always planned to be a line only in the single version

17. It’s Nice to Have a Friend

Ok I don’t really like this song that much but i really like the messages she’s trying to send like...real love feels like hanging out with a childhood bestie, so comfortable

18. Daylight

I WAS LIKE MEH

BUT THE FUCKING BRIDGE

THE BRIDGE

IM EMOTIONALLY DESTROYED

Also something about the chorus reminds me of the chorus of starlight

STEP INTO THE DAYLIGHT AND LET IT GO

YES

I WAS LIKE NO IS THAT NOT A LYRIC??

BUT IT ISTHANK GOD

THE END

YOU ARE WHAT YOU LOVE

THAT WAS LIKE

MY MANTRA FOR A COUPLE YEARS A WHILE BACK

BECAUSE

I LOVED SO MANY PEOPLE BUT THEY DIDNT LOVE ME

AND I WANTED TO BE DEFINITED BY THE FACT THAT I LOVED THEM NOT THAT HTEY DIDNT LOVE ME

IIIIIIIIIIII

I

IN CONCLUSION:

My feelings are everywhere. Some songs disappointed me but some blew me away - soon you’ll get better is basically the new Never Grow Up for me which is saying a lot. Everything is catchy a hell though even the songs I didn’t like as much. Ultimately i would have liked more songs about varying subject matter esp. self love but as it is, it is still somehow so all over the place. It really just shows how many emotions and phases can be contained within one relationship (i mean I’m assuming every song about a relationship is about joe). I really think that the song about her mom maybe should have been placed somewhere else...I don’t know where I would have put it but that shit is HEAVY. I am so honored that she and her family would share that with us though. I have a million question about how Andrea is doing and if my theory on why tour hasn’t been announced is correct...maybe she will explain more in the interviews/secret session audio we’re getting in the next couple days. I think my favorite song is Lover but that may change. I don’t think any song on here tops my current all time favorite Taylor song though which is CIWYW. That’s a little disappointing but not every song or album has to be my fave! And this album will probably grow on me esp as i hear Taylor’s explanations of it. Rep did. I really did nooott feel good about most of rep at first, it took a few days.

[lesbianfreyja]

hey do u have any ways u force urself to write. i need to write this fucking faulkner paper and like ik i can and itll be good once i do it i just need to Do It its already like 900 years late. im loving yahfhskjd law so so so so much btw i rlly love ur characterization for den and the whole fic is just so endearing and enjoyable like theres heaviness to it but its not like overbearingly angsty and its just rlly fun to read

i have some advice but it might not be universal or healthy (lol) and it differs heavily based on what i’m writing

fic writing is for fun, and that’s why i try to remember when i’m doing it. sometimes it becomes obsessive (because i have ocd, and because i love validation, and that’s quite the line to tread lmao) but ultimately i do it because i love it/i have shit to say/stories drum in my fingers until i get them out, even if it takes time. i’m glad you love it!!!! if people didn’t i’d get demoralized way more often! with fic writing, usually i can’t force myself to do anything until i know the basics of what i want down - right now i’m stuck on a scene b/t charlie and mac because i know what i want them to get out of it, but i have no idea what the outside context of the overall conversation will be. usually in that case, i just have to wait it out.

inspo will come to me when it comes, maybe from binge watching the show, maybe from watching smth else, maybe from a convo i have irl or a dream or what have you. in the meantime i write as much around it as i possibly can. i’ve currently written every single scene for the next chapter that either came easily or at least didn’t come extremely difficultly, and once i have part of a scene down i usually let the characters’ voices follow me through the rest of it…sometimes you just have to let them run free. writing fic for me is often a solid push and pull of me nudging the characters down the path i want them to take, but mostly i just sit there and imagine them talking, and see what they say. i have to parse apart exactly how i think they’d say it, but i can get a fair amount of their tone and message just from listening to them have the convo in my head. not to be extremely embarrassing on main but when i was obsessed with twilight, stephenie meyer basically said this in her faq and it really resonated with me lmao. this applies to original fiction btw too. that’s why its often easy to finish a scene once i’ve begun it, if i can get a piece of the convo than usually i can build outward - give me a snippet of a convo and i can begin to see their location, what started this convo, and their motivations. i’ll have to trim it down to fit their tone/how often they lie/how difficult they find it to express themselves later, but after i get it all out, it’s easier to cut away the ooc parts until you’re left with glances to convey what used to be a paragraph and what have you

can’t write a sex scene? have a drink or two and write it all spelling errors and all, it’s usually way dirtier than i intended too but you can clean ALL that up and make it in-character in editing

academic writing was never nearly as difficult for me, especially once i got to college. pretty much everyone i know used adderall to write essays, and i sat down a few times expecting to do that myself, but i ultimately never ended up needing it. in high school i was smart enough to more or less make shit up to get through it (i always say the only thing i learned in high school is how to bullshit effectively) but in college you get to pick your research topics, or they’ll hand you a book and tell you to pick whatever part of it you want to write about, so i usually latched on to one snippet of interest and expanded from there (many of my essays were about how the characters were secretly gay or more or less feminist than they should be, as you can imagine)

i was never much for formal outlines, and i DON’T subscribe to the 5 paragraph essay format, but i usually made a basic outline in my notebook so i’d remember to hit all the points i wanted to make/be able to steer myself back on course when i started rambling abt something. usually i have an overarching point, and like 2 supporting arguments that i go into HEAVY detail about and probably have some supporting arguments about them within themselves. make an outline that lists your thesis and your 2 or 3 main points. if you CAN easily, write down some supporting arguments for those main points, but don’t get caught up on it.

how do i start? just sit down and fuckin start. deadass. tell yourself that if you finish before 8pm you can smoke a bowl or something, then smoke a bowl after you’re done regardless of the time. then sit down and just start typing, WHEREVER your mind wants to begin. let it, it’s way easier to follow your motivation than try to corral it, you’ll just end up giving yourself writer’s block

intros are easy. don’t worry too much about starting them; you can come up with a catchy first sentence way later (same with a catchy ending sentence; i still CANNOT write last lines for the life of me). for your intro literally just say: These 2 or 3 things are connected, actually, and I think they connect in a specific way to prove [thesis]. you can bulk out the intro later, but MOVE ON. that’s not the important part of the essay, at all. if your thesis can’t be turned into a question THAT YOU THEN ANSWER, then it needs to be bulked out. you should be able to make it a question, for example: Why is Emily Dickinson a lesbian? becomes “Dickinson’s lesbianism is the driving force behind her decisions to do x, y, and z” in which x y & z are the main points of your essay.

don’t worry too much about sources or quotes. i can’t tell you how many times i just made arguments in essays and then put in brackets [find a throwaway quote about x to support this later], then highlighted the text so it’d stand out and i’d remember to get back to it later. then MOVE ON.

don’t get caught up in anything, not grammar, not specifics, not finding the perfect segue between paragraphs. just try to get down everything you have to say FIRST, or you’ll bog yourself down and lose steam. sit there until you’re done making your points, then take a break

conclusions are easy. scroll back up to your intro. what does it say? put that back down, exactly, and bulk it out a little by referencing some points in the main paragraphs of your essay. if your intro just said “x y and z is true” then your conclusion should say “her woodcarving shows x is true, the fact that the moon was full that day is why y is true. these two things make z true”

go back and find sources/quotes to plug into all the times you wrote [find a throwaday quote]

TAKE AS LONG AS POSSIBLE OFF. if you try to edit and expand immediately, you WILL fail to catch things. if you’re a little unfamiliar with your own writing, you’ll be able to catch things like spelling errors, things that make so little sense you have no idea what you were trying to say, times you forgot to plug in a quote, or when a transition sounds a little like a record scratching instead of playing smoothly

if you’re really pressed for time: just fucking send it in without doing a second reread, because FUCK IT. getting it done is more important than perfectionism; fixing those last straggling spelling errors gets you +2 points whereas being a day late loses a letter grade

most importantly: WRITE ABOUT WHAT YOU CARE ABOUT. if you’re only getting specific prompts, try to twist it as best you can until you give a fuck about it, it’s WAY easier to write about shit that matters to you. i LOVED twisting prompts until suddenly this boring ass white boy book is secretly about this minor female character that appeared on 2 pages, and after awhile i got really fucking good at it.

just sit down and start writing. you’ve got to start somewhere, even if you end up erasing and rewriting the starting point later. at least you’ve got the ball rolling.

[wolfglue]

maybe all the fruit asks?? ik it’s a lot but they’re all such good questions 🍏🍌🍒🥝🍎🍉🍑

omg anon,, tysm 

PEACH: i only ever had my ears pierced when i was a kid but i hated the earrings i had so i just took them out :( i kinda want an industrial tho

RASPBERRY: my favorite flower has always been a forget-me-not, theyre so pretty and also like. Oh You Know. You All Know I Hate Being Forgotten. I Am A Whore For Love

LEMON: i have a dog named tinkerbelle and a cat named matcha! shes my bastard baby

MANGO: hmm i guess my trademark is my teal-ish hair

PASSION FRUIT: my style is lazy lesbian lol

PINEAPPLE: take a wild guess

STRAWBERRY: cannolis literally are so good they can clap my cheeks anyday

CHERRY: i cant play or sing. i sound like a dying cat but thats OK!

GRAPE: anywhere in the world?? probably sicily. gonna hang out with goats and shit

BANANA: the shining or original pet sematary!

BLACKBERRY: the genre of my life is actually a black and white 1920′s film where a clown pies a portly businessman smoking a pipe in the face and ends with the businessman taking out a revolver.

POMEGRANATE: im most confident with my friends like tiffy and kyi...theres a reason i got 2 feet :) one for each of u to hold :) i will however grow a third if anyone wants to join the stupidity 

CANTALOUPE: dads name is fool and moms name is clown

GUAVA: i actually prefer no makeup

TANGELO: if i could be a mythical creature u know damn well id be a werewolf

PLUM: idc about brands

COCONUT: i always wear pretty as a peach or rose! love floralish scents

LYCHEE: hmm lace

BLUEBERRY: i usually cosplay for halloween but idk what yet!

APPLE: tumblr

KIWI: i know it cliche but space i could talk abt it for hours

WATERMELON: im just part time at a craft store :( 

PAPAYA: this is ideal but DEAD or house of wolves by mcr. more realistic is two slow dancers by mitski

CRANBERRY: this is very specific but my favorite time of day is in the summer, right around sundown when its still warm but its getting cooler and the air just smells so good and the sky is pretty and theres a breeze coming in thru the window like ugh. pls,

NECTARINE: im not like. emotional in a sad way but if im happy or angry i dont mind showing it :D

ORANGE: i have no idea. i dont think so?

APRICOT: hm i only let myself get sad like once a month for like a week at a time. but when i am i just kinda sit in the dark and listen to music that i listened to in 2015 which does NOT help but idc im a dumb bitch who misses everyone 

STAR FRUIT: JELLYFISH! all jellyfish i think theyre cute ;) theyre squishy little babies 

DRAGONFRUIT: i mean ive had wine a few times and also made some bad decisions in 2015 but as a whole no

[just-some-random-blogger]

good morning/day/evening, my lovely angel!! youre soso sweet and cute i cant TT 'i was bummed out i couldnt write' its ok dont worry about me! your comfort is the thing that matters the most! give yourself time. 'i havent written in 2 days' its ok. i cant state but do you think it may be burning out? bc you work really hard and have lots of work beside writing. you really owe nothing to anyone. ill repeat it as many times as i need. bc you do great, you study, do covers, you do a lot. thats more than great! you still worth the world and let down noone. and if anyone have the guts to say otherwise, i can have their tongue. you are the priority. if you dont feel like writing, maybe you shouldnt force yourself to do it to even lessen your minds ability to do it rn. give yourself time. tumblrs nothing when it comes to your mental powers. i dont remember if you say smth about 'kiss it better' later but id talk abt it here. i hope things will get better for you. hope your manifest works really well and ability to do creative things cutie. its very comforting. hope you enjoyed writing it. also the whole concept made me remember the song 'guard you' by young k. its just the most comforting song for me. its released on my bday but for some reason i ignored it for months? ill never forgive this. its really good to have someone to take care of you and 'guard you'. even if im not next to you, remember im always here for you and will always support you. 'i have to keep making art. i cant stop' its great if you cant and feel like it. but please dont force and overwork yourself. you are still you if you currently dont have strength to make art. 'i do love his name' your love for masc feminine names is so adorable TT hes not completely CRINGE meme but not a kind(?) meme either. its difficult to explain esp with how humor here is but yes. 'why didnt you put an episode number' i watched it like.. 2 years ago. you think i remember? im a grandcat myself. i need to do a research for it. maybe at weekends (basically its saturday even here rn but nvm). first epp with matt smith is pretty touching esp with karen gillah and a little drama they have but i also like peter capaldis doctor. esp the beginning of his era. well see. and i never watched davids seasons TT im sorry but its true, cant help you here. 'if i cant write this rn' and hows it? 'poor bb girl witch' nooo she shouldnt feel like it TT the point is she loves her love more than she loves the very daemon. 'sounds tiring' reasonable. ig it can be said abt all my ideas. btw, wfal isnt tiring you? or like a burden? ik you dont like writing long things so im kinds worried now. 'i need a cleanse fic' is it kiss it better? anyway do wild girl! 'but i’ll listen to it later' did you listen to it?... im not making you, just interested ghdjfj. also! ive only learnt abt 'Running up That Hill' by Kate Bush (in another witchy playlist...) and 1) i LOVE it sm her voice and the way of singing is so enchanting? 2) it gives me waiting for a lifetime vibes.. yeah its origin meaning isnt exactly abt it but its the magic of art isnt it? the opportunity to interpret it however you want. and the deal with god pretty much reminds me of the au. 'you’ve got such a beautiful brain' thanks TT take it after my catmom. ive got lots of things to do for the exams but my mental state has only allowed me to watch videos with kitties, cry cats and dogs and listen to this song of kate for the past week. theres the one i cried hardest over (subjectively) and theres the one i cried hardest (objectively). theyre just cute if you ever feel like it. and HEs so tiny i SCREAMED. thats it. just cute vids to bring your mood up. how are you? whats the weather like? hope you are or will soon do great. have a nice day/evening/night! ill try to find an episode and write down some ideas, maybe youll find some inspiration in them. good luck with all the hw and assignments! take care! love you<з *freezy kisses for you to not burn in your weather*

hello my love <3 <3 <3

meow meow muning <3

good morning/day/evening, my lovely angel!! youre soso sweet and cute i cant TT

wait why am i so sweet? what did i do?

anyway LOOOK I GOT A NEW OUTFIT FOR LISA!!!

here she is normally

that's all.

'i was bummed out i couldnt write' its ok dont worry about me! your comfort is the thing that matters the most! give yourself time.

T_T but i love you

'i havent written in 2 days' its ok. i cant state but do you think it may be burning out?

T_T ... i think youre right. T_T

bc you work really hard and have lots of work beside writing. you really owe nothing to anyone. ill repeat it as many times as i need. bc you do great, you study, do covers, you do a lot. thats more than great! you still worth the world and let down noone. and if anyone have the guts to say otherwise, i can have their tongue. you are the priority. if you dont feel like writing, maybe you shouldnt force yourself to do it to even lessen your minds ability to do it rn. give yourself time. tumblrs nothing when it comes to your mental powers.

thank you. this means a lot to me to hear this. you dont know how very much your words mean to me.

i want to write. but i cant. i want to write ideas outside my reqs but also i want to make reqs but also i cant. i dont know

i dont remember if you say smth about 'kiss it better' later but id talk abt it here. i hope things will get better for you. hope your manifest works really well and ability to do creative things cutie. its very comforting. hope you enjoyed writing it.

i dont know if i enjoyed writing it but while rereading it i was like 'damn im really good at writing' i hope i get out of this hitch T_T

also the whole concept made me remember the song 'guard you' by young k. its just the most comforting song for me. its released on my bday but for some reason i ignored it for months? ill never forgive this. its really good to have someone to take care of you and 'guard you'. even if im not next to you, remember im always here for you and will always support you.

omg this was yonks parting gift before enlisting. (i call young-k yonk cos thats what it reads like yonk HAHHAH) im so touched that you feel this way towards me T_T i feel the same for you. lol its so funny you ignored it but ended up loving it HAHAH. i want a hug from you for real i want to cry.

'i have to keep making art. i cant stop' its great if you cant and feel like it. but please dont force and overwork yourself. you are still you if you currently dont have strength to make art.

T_T i want a hug. i dont know if im forcing myself but maybe youre right i should stop T_T

'i do love his name' your love for masc feminine names is so adorable TT hes not completely CRINGE meme but not a kind(?) meme either. its difficult to explain esp with how humor here is but yes.

i have nothing else to say about him so heres him with a dog <3 i love the dog dog <3

'why didnt you put an episode number' i watched it like.. 2 years ago. you think i remember? im a grandcat myself. i need to do a research for it. maybe at weekends (basically its saturday even here rn but nvm).

grandcat T_T it ok i just assumed you had an episode in mind. you dont have to research

first epp with matt smith is pretty touching esp with karen gillah and a little drama they have

i'll watch that!

but i also like peter capaldis doctor. esp the beginning of his era.

ive seen crack edits of jenna coleman and him and i kinda wanna watch his too

well see. and i never watched davids seasons TT im sorry but its true, cant help you here.

LOL HAHHAH thats fine thank you anyway i love you

'if i cant write this rn' and hows it?

T_T i cant write it im sorry

'poor bb girl witch' nooo she shouldnt feel like it TT the point is she loves her love more than she loves the very daemon.

She loves her love for daemon more than daemon himself? or daemon lovers her more than daemon ???

'sounds tiring' reasonable. ig it can be said abt all my ideas.

its not your idea that tiring its the idea of writing that tires me. baby i love your ideas T_T please stop exploding on yourself

btw, wfal isnt tiring you? or like a burden? ik you dont like writing long things so im kinds worried now.

🙄 gee. i literally make mood boards for it, i wonder if its tiring. well ok enough sarcasm, it is very much laborious but its a labor of love. i have not enjoyed writing a... series in a long time. its not a burden. i promise you i will stop writing that fic once i feel like im done with it. i was partially joking about ending i at p5 but i do hope i manage to keep it short T_T asfhs/flhsd

'i need a cleanse fic' is it kiss it better? anyway do wild girl!

it was. but idk if i was cleansed

'but i’ll listen to it later' did you listen to it?... im not making you, just interested ghdjfj.

i listened to the first part of the first song and i ejected i dont remember why but i guess i didnt like the vibe T_T

also! ive only learnt abt 'Running up That Hill' by Kate Bush (in another witchy playlist...) and 1) i LOVE it sm her voice and the way of singing is so enchanting? 2) it gives me waiting for a lifetime vibes.. yeah its origin meaning isnt exactly abt it but its the magic of art isnt it? the opportunity to interpret it however you want. and the deal with god pretty much reminds me of the au.

ive listened to this song before. she does have a very strong and enchanting voice. im honored that my fic reminds you things T_T thats so sweet and so nice of you. im honored to have such an impact on you <3

'you’ve got such a beautiful brain' thanks TT take it after my catmom. ive got lots of things to do for the exams but my mental state has only allowed me to watch videos with kitties, cry cats and dogs and listen to this song of kate for the past week.

you and i are so same. our mental capacities are overloaded. i think i might really just stop writing for a while T_T idk ive got these ideas i want to get out of my brain though

theres the one i cried hardest over (subjectively)

T_T PUMA PUMA <3

and theres the one i cried hardest (objectively).

LOOONG BABY FLOOF <3

theyre just cute if you ever feel like it. and HEs so tiny i SCREAMED.

ive seen this before T_T theyre SO tiny i squishhhhh

thats it. just cute vids to bring your mood up.

thank you they mean so much <3 this post is really cute too. im luv

how are you?

im currently in class not listening because id rather reply to you. dw its a concept ive studied before. my head hurts and im hungry. i also want to pee so badly but i cant leave my desk. i want to read fics to badly

whats the weather like?

its so hot my head hurts

hope you are or will soon do great.

me too i hope you are also well.

have a nice day/evening/night!

i love you i hope you have a nice day too <3

ill try to find an episode and write down some ideas, maybe youll find some inspiration in them.

thank you so much <3 the fact you care enough to do that. T_T thank you.

good luck with all the hw and assignments! take care! love you<з

me too T_T i want to graduate. i dont want to fail. i cant fail. T_T i feel dumb sometimes even though i know deep down im not T_T

*freezy kisses for you to not burn in your weather*

thank you <3 i love you

i also wanted to share this video about wolves. i love it so much. it makes me love nature so much. it makes you realize how important it is to allow animals to stay in their habitats.

also this tiger series. i used to watch this so much. i love tiggers love love love

i love you bye bye my love

xxx

[sxmu-suma]

Paragraphs For Jimmy Because Hes Sleeping!

Daily Paragraph for the one i love, i'd do anything just to make you happy, you're so cute, and genuinely amazing. I love you more than i love myself and everything else, I wanna spread affection to you in any way i fr don't care if its irl or online idc, i just wanna make u feel special because you are ya know? I've never been happier since i met you! I love you<3 I hope you know your my everything and i would do anything for you. I would block every boy,shut them out, drop anyone you don't like, i try my best to make you happy. I'd do anything to make you laugh.....even cheesy jokes. i literally love u so much, your always on my mind and i just cant stop thinking about you. you mean so much to me i honestly can't predict life without you!! I honestly think wow i'm with this lad, he's so perfect, and the fuck am i like- you manage to put a smile on my face all the time even if i'm in a dark spot and i am so happy u entered my life because u have made it so much better in every way, you need to sleep though more my love<33 sorry to break it to u. I'm sorry i keep saying these things so much but i'm in love with you and nothing will be able to change that. Serious talk for a second, Honestly i never thought we would be this close and now that i know you are literally the best person ever. Thank you so much for everything, I swear i'm trying to stop Cutting myself aka playing fruit ninja. My day could be so bad, and it was yesterday because of time zones and you slept through two thirds of my day, Then you dmed me and i got butterflies<333 When i see ur name pop up i blush, YOU MAKE ME FOLD BRUV, LIKE KICKING MY LEGS BLUSHING. I wish you could see how beautiful you make the world. How you light up every room you walk into And make this world seem a little bit kinder. I wish you saw yourself the way i see you. babe..i have to tell u how much i love you. also baby u so god damn fine. But like omg yes, i hope your asleep right now or this will be really awkward but like u came into my life when i felt like everyone was leaving and life wasn't at its finest, you made me feel wanted and Let me talk to you when i wanted to.i I can only use so many words in the dictionary to show you how much i love you and you are always on my mind, putting a smile on my face and making my heart skip a beat. There are only so many ways to express my love and i plan on showing you just how much i love you. Ik you had an okay day bc u said Good ig, ISTG IF IT LOOKS LIKE I'M ANNOYED AT YOU,I'M NOT. you deserve the whole world, i mean it. you've done sm for me(Not physically,mentally) I don't want to fight, if we do i'd prob blame myself. I miss you when u sleep, but im glad your sleeping<33(this all was an accident i swear i just wanted it to start with a simple i love you) I love you so much you're the kindest most genuine person i have ever met, you're genuinely one of the best things to happen to me. I cried a bit re-reading this. I feel like this isn't enough so ima keep going<333 I feel so lucky to have you we have only been dating for a tiny bit but you've made me so hppy in that little amount of time, i cant think of anyone else i would want in my life i love uuuuuu. Okay honestly People in Italy are slaying, Even though theres a 72 foot tsunami coming or smt and theres like 2 missing volcanos, a child been kidnapped and like 17 missing pizzas.

[glowyves]

Can you do small introductions on each loona member? Or i mean not all of them if u dont want ik theres like 27 of them but just little descriptions of what u think of em would be cute

a chance? to talk abt the loves of my life? 

heejin: you knwo that friend who like if u fuck around during the school yr and need someone to help u out w notes and getting yourself together bc u know shes always on top of her game? thats heejin. girly is an all rounder tbh she can sing dance and as much as ppl like 2 clown her for her rapping shes really not all that bad. LIKE shes just so versatile. she showed that thru mixnine which lol i didnt watch besides cuts but if u watch her performing on there and then see her performing with loona 1/3 it’s like complete opposites but she manages to shine no matter what like it’s effortless for her. shes such a sweet girl too i really do feel like theres a reason she was picked to go first bc she has such a likeable personality. shes funny, hardworking, humble (but not to the point to where she downplays her worth), and just seems like a real ride or die type of friend

hyunjin: MY BABY i hav such a soft spot for hyunjin and it’s hard not to??? she comes across as a little quiet at first and she acts like she doesnt care but she does u know she does shes not fooling anyone idc how many times shes told yeojin 2 shut up on camera i know she’d be one of the first if not THE first girl 2 be by her side (and any members side) if some shit went down. shes such a determined little thing too and when she has her eyes on something she goes for it no thinking abt it no questions asked she just does what she wants and thats something so impressive for a girl her age to be able to do. i feel like shes the type of person to just sit in the back and watch more than participate bc she doesnt mind if the other girls take the spotlight like shes such a chill, laid-back soul. i aspire to be like her. and shes so fucking funny really it’s almost criminal how hard she makes me laugh. ALSO she has the best reactions it’s a disgrace more than anything that i dont hav a folder of just her making stupid faces

haseul: the absolute love of my life? THE jo haseul?? theres a reason shes the member i latched onto the most at the beginning and ultimately kinda the member that tied me down to loona for good. like i was onboard w them from the get but it’s her that sealed the deal. i dont joke when i say she really is their guardian angel and no matter what u think of her in the comparison to the other girls u cant deny the fact that shes born leader material. she makes the other girls feel good and at-ease yknow. like she was always around vivi in the 1/3 loona tvs and u could tell it was like 2nd nature to her being by her side as vivi navigated her way through a country and language she wasnt all too familiar with. and like w/ yves for another example like yves if all facts check out was only w/ bbc for a three week period before they debuted her so obviously she wasnt familiar with any of the girls which is why she was so awkward at first. but haseul? bless her soul she did all that she could to make her feel at home. and she has such a beautiful voice i feel like not enough ppl praise her for it. also fuck yg for making her feel bad during mixnine she deserves the world and he can suck my big toe

yeojin: miss thang miss thang. what 2 say what 2 say. first things first shes a trooper. shes a baby i mean a lot of them are babies but yeojin is an actual baby baby i almost fainted when i learned how old she is. but despite her age shes so firm yknow. when shes doing things she wants to do them right to the best of her abilities and shes always striving to be better which is so admirable bc for me personally at that age i was a goddamn mess i couldnt be doing and juggling even a third of the shit she does. and shes right next to hyunjin when it comes to making me laugh shes just so loud and full of energy even 2 the point where i get tired watching her and im loud and full of energy but her being loud and being full of energy kicks my being loud and being full of energy in the ass. if any of that made sense. but theres never a dry eye in sight when shes in the room and u can tell shes such a joy 2 be around as much shit as the other girls give her lol i just feel real protective of her bc shes just so full of life and laughter and i just want her to be out here living her best life

vivi: it needs 2 be said that i have such high respect for any kpop idol who’s from another country bc theres just so much thats going against them. miss vivi is away from home away from her comfort space away from her friends and family away from a place where she can speak proficiently and fluently bc shes struggling to learn a new language and?? on top of that shes doing all the other standard idol stuff. thats some tough shit thats some scary shit but she takes it all on with a brave face and an open mind. and being able to slowly watch her build up more confidence in the language and basically everything else has been such an honor. like when im out here on my weak shit feeling sorry for myself i gotta think 2 myself what would miss vivi do? how would miss vivi tackle this? i lov this girl honestly i would die for her she does so much and i feel like not all of it is fully appreciated but she’ll have her moment i know she will and it’ll only be a matter of time before ppl see how amazing she is 

kim lip: giiiiiiiiirl. lip is such a strong person. like in all aspects. shes crazy talented it’s a little scary to think abt how much she’ll grow once they properly debut as a group and she gets more experience bc?? she just has so much going for her. her charisma is off the charts she can easily pull a crowd if her solo being a real big jumping point in spreading the loona name says anything at all. and shes such a good pick for the oec leader she definitely has those vibes like u just cant help but listen to her regardless of whatever bullshit she says and she says a lot of bullshit but do i liv by that bullshit and eat it up like shes spouting out the new testament u can bet ur ass i do. lip is definitely one of those girls that u cant help but be drawn to like u just want 2 be her bff bc once u remove her from the stage she has such girl next door vibes i feel like she’d be the type of girl u see in the club and u make small talk by the bar bc u made eye contact by accident and all of the sudden before u know it youve spent ur whole night w her and u hav her phone number and plans to meet up next week bc shes so friendly 

jinsoul: i make fun of her a lot. but w good reason: shes easy 2 make fun of. shes so quirky but not in the ironic way like shes really quirky and a bit of a walking disaster but it’s charming and she makes it work. even if shes not ur fav? shes still? kinda ur fav? even if u dont know it? if i made a list of some of my fav loona moments i assure u she’d be included in about 80% of it like shes such a staple to the group i really cant imagine her not being w them i mean i cant imagine the group w/o any of them but jinsoul especially. sometimes i watch loona vids knowing good and damn well shes not gonna be in them but i still end up thinking where is jinsoul?? bc not 2 speak for everybody (i will tho) but no one can get enough jinsoul. also her voice? i love it it’s one of my favs in not only loona but kpop in general. both speaking-wise and singing-wise. it’s just so pretty i really did astral project the first time i heard sitr & love letter. true out of body experiences 10/10 would recommend the yelp reviews are in shes 100% worth It. what is the It shes worth? idk but whatever It is .. shes worth It.

choerry: i just want her 2 be my little sister wow. miss yerim really has my heart. truly the embodiment of :) . shes so smily and has such a strong energy u cant help but like her. in every loona tv shes in shes making someone laugh or smile and it’s no coinkidink it’s bc shes really just that much of a ray of sunshine and u cant help but fall for her. give her some time i pledge w my life that once they debut she is going 2 shine on variety shows theres no way she wont. she has such good sense and shes so flexible. and if lcm is anything 2 go by shes able to switch it up and kill different concepts and sounds at the drop of a hat. def one to keep ur eye on bc u just know shes gonna go far in the future theres no way she wont she has all the tools in her arsenal to make it big no problem. does she resemble the annoying orange? yes and i’ll hate kim lip forever for putting that image in my head but that wont stop her shes truly a force to be reckoned with.

yves: my baby! u didnt hear this from me but i lov her a lot. she was kinda just thrown 2 the wolves w/ her three weeks of training i can only imagine how nerve wracking it must’ve been for her. here is an army of girls bbc has as potential loona members whove been training for years/knew the other girls who were already chosen as loona members/have even gone along for the ride with the chosen loona members to film their mvs and yet shes the one who was picked to be added after three weeks of her being w the company. three weeks !!! thats a lot of pressure but despite that she gave us everything she got. she was real nervous in the beginning anyone could tell when u watched her loona tv arc but she got over it and by the time chuu’s arc rolled around she was joking around w/ the others like it was nothing. shes so funny too but in an awkward way. like she doesnt mean to be but she says and does shit that makes u ?? and u cant help but laugh. her gig with marishe? i have never seen anything funnier like that bitch really took 100+ photos all w the same face and w the same three poses if that’s not talent idk what is. and i dont think it’s been confirmed in writing yet but shes gonna be such a good leader for the eden unit i feel it in my bones 

chuu: when i tell u my heart has skipped a beat over this girl. im not saying it 2 be dramatic im deadass. my heart has skipped a beat multiple times watching her whether it be a fancam or a loona tv or even a selfie. i’ve watched that little instagram update of her in her pig onesie more times than i want 2 disclose. her voice???? oh my god im in love with it. shes such a strong singer like STRONG and u can hear that in heart attack and girl’s talk and see saw but if u listen to her covers shes done before being introduced as a member it’s like !!!!! wow. and she makes a lot of noises. like just incoherent sounds and its so cute i could cry. like i dont have the attention span 2 sit and watch a vlive if it’s not subbed … but i’d do it for her just bc i love hearing her talk i love her voice on any and all levels u could love someones voice. and all her little mannerisms are adorable and this could really turn into me typing a whole mla formatted essay on how i find her 2 be one of the cutest girls in the world but i’ll spare u. and ofc shes not just cute like i said before this girl is talented and i cant wait for loona to grow as a group so she can be on bigger and bigger platforms for more and more ppl to hear her sing bc thats just how it should be

gowon: i lov her i lov her i lov her!! i’d do just about anything for this girl if she asked but i feel like regardless of who u are u wouldnt be able to refuse her even if u wanted to. i latch onto every word she says everything she says is gold. shes so giggly and a lot of that giggling is bc she probably feels awkward but it’s still real cute. shes also lowkey highkey gotta mouth on her like she’ll really come for ppls throats if she feels it’s necessary and thats beautiful to me. she doesnt get enough credit but as pretty as she is more attention should be focused on her talents bc she is a talented girl. her vocal tone is high and ‘cute’ but i think it melds so well w/ the other girls’ voices and theres a lot of opportunity there if and when they decide to create new sub-units/have more duet songs. and my girl can dance im tired of ppl overlooking her bc?? her pre-debut vids are a little stiff ye but theres so much potential there shes such a gem and i cant wait for her to grow more bc i know theres so much she could be doing w/ what she has

olivia hye: when she said love myself today let u go today? i felt that

[perfectionistincrisis]

Day 79

soooooo i went to bed at 8 am in the morning today. Cause i was on the treadmill. with breaks after 30 mins. for a total of 3hrs. so i started at around 3 am and ended around 7 am almost 5 hours for an actual 3hr workout Oh great! 

oh now i put a sticky note on the webcam thingy on my laptop. Lol now ik for sure why almost everyone at uni puts an ugly sticker on it. cause someone might hack into it and stuff. saw it in mr robot. 

oh yesterday we went to a mall and dad had to park and come later after we already entered the mall. so when he was entering he saw some lady lying on the floor having a nose bleed i think. anyways so later in the car he was talking about it and telling how when he saw that he was almost about to call me and then he saw that the ladys like surrounded by more than enough people so theres no need to but then he was like i came to his mind right away. idk what he thinks about me but im sure i havent thought as much about myself for sure lol. hmph. But i wish to live up to his expectations one day inshaAllah. 

so my doctor has been telling me for months now, and once again from my most recent lab investigations results i am supposedly having a very bad bacterial infection. And i have no idea where the hell it is :) so i have to go to the hospital agaaaaaaain to see a nephrologist or urologist after doing an urine culture & bleh not looking forward to it but gta go. maybe tomorrow 

so my mom is really cool. i mean she knows so much about medicine. ‘clinical stuff’. A lot of it. Tbh she knows more than me. ever since year 2 and 3, whenever i find out some interesting clinical management i always ask her about it only with the intention of telling her about it once she didnt know the answer WHICH i only assumed everytime. She mostly answers them right and on top of that i end up learning a thing or two from her esp the medicine names cause like in med school they dont teach us the brand name but the generic name. she knows a lot of brand names too. i mean shes just awesome mashAllah.  Anyways so why im mentioning all these is cause, she freaks out every time my results are out and the doctor goes like i have a bacterial infection. So from urine analysis. Normal level of ‘pus cells’ should be ZERO to 4. Even SIX pus cells means infection and i have like around 26 Pus Cells. Oh Holy

So after hearing that mom who id expect to not say silly things comes up with all weird theories Ughh! she tells about how im so dirty and i dont wash my water flask so it has lipstick stains on it and maybe thats where i got infected from “-” AND once i laughed it off she suggests maybe its from all the ‘burgers’ i eat from outside “-” “-” and how the fast food chains dont maintain hygiene and all Ughh. 

Btw ik my posts are usually really long and all but then its actually funny sometimes. I mean i hardly write anything. There is just SOOOO much stuck in me. i mean you can say i write 1% of it. And if you think im just bluffing, ill raise it to a 3%. But if i say i write even 10% of whats in my head then Ill call myself a liar! See, the thing is. I dont like talking to anyone about these. “except” for him. And that is because i ‘chose’ to. Like its not that i dont have people to talk to, more like i dont even need people to talk to. Cause i dont want to. Its just me ‘wanting’ to open up to him. to trust him. to let him be a part of my life. What im trying to say is. The reason i have so much stuck in me is not because i cant talk to anyone but more like i dont want to. And theres just one person I want to talk to with. Other than that, I find more comfort in my own company rather compared to anyone elses tbh. 

Now i remember in one of my post i was talking about our last conv where he told me to wait for him and he’ll come for me one day inshaAllah and i was talking about idk how much i can do with regards to that to make things easier for us! Idk i think theres more to what i can do. I keep thinking about it and, i believe that i need to be stable and successful enough too. And not just simply stable financially but like, I need to be at good place. A marriage is a two person thing and you always need to lift each other up as much as you can.

One way or the other, this thing always just slips whenever i sit to blog but it entered my head and scared the shit out of me quite a few days ago. So i was thinking of us, life.. Btw when i say ‘life’ it still means ‘us’. Its the same god damn thing “-” Aha! So i was thinking about us, and how times passing by. i really cant say if its going fast or slow. so no comments. i honestly dont know! BUT i feel like there is so much to come yet. i mean.. and then i was thinking.. i mean some day itll be the 100th day. cool And then months will pass. AND suddenly it hit me! NOW if theres some month i really wna skip, like s.k.i.p. like God, can you like pause my life or like fast forward it to the next month or something please? THEN, that would be January! Yesssss. Like, i totally have no. freakin. idea. how ill spend that month. Im like -blank- Like idk how ill be breathing in peace. its that much of a killer for me. im not even exaggerating, idk if it sounds stupid but then maybe i am stupid Ugh. But like honestly, im more okay with feb, than i am with jan. i really have no idea what ill do or how ill pass the time :) 

Ill talk more about it prolly tomorrow. but enough for today i guess! 

OH ANDDDDD - “I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.”  ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ I read that in one of his posts & words cant say what it pulled me out of... Tada b’bye c: