#ik everything is tight this year for everyone

[importantword]

Man luck is not quite my friend this month 😭

This is the second time I've gotten sick and my food stamps won't be coming in this month bc they haven't finished processing my renewal paperwork 😭

I'll be making a post with my crochet things I have available soon but in the mean time if anyone would like to help a tired festive bean get some food and self care stuff for the holidays I would hella appreciate anything!

$importantimp is my cashapp but absolutely no worries, just if anyone has any extra!

[sinofwriting]

Share - Ollie Bearman

Words: 1,155 Summary: Ollie just wants to cling to his girlfriend after being away from her for weeks. Their nephew has a different idea. Note(s): Slightly NSFW, Clingy Ollie, Set After Jeddah 2025 (ik ik), oh and this is inspired by the vids of guys coming home and wanting to kiss their wife only for their son to be like, no, that’s my mom!

Masterlist | Support Me!

Ollie lets out a sigh of relief as he closes the door to the apartment behind him.

He was finally home.

He knew he was going to be exhausted after his first ever triple header as a Formula 1 driver but then as if everything in 2024 hadn’t been enough, more surprises and drama had cropped up just one race in and left him nearly scrambling for the final two.

But now he was home and would get to see his girlfriend after the last few grueling weeks.

“Ollie?”

He smiles, “Yeah, it’s me!”

Toeing off his shoes, he kicks them out of the way and steps out of the small entryway into the living room and the breath gets knocked out of him.

God, she was gorgeous.

He nearly runs to her, throwing himself onto the couch beside her and wrapping his arms around her.

“I missed you so much.” He mumbles.

Her fingers comb through his hair, “I missed you to bear.”

He pulls away a bit, lips already puckering up a bit when tiny hands are smacking against his side. He jerks away and then a small body is wiggling between him and his girlfriend, legs kicking at him.

“Mine!”

“Noel!”

Ollie looks at the toddler in between them, surprised to see a glare on the normally happy three year old's face.

“Hey buddy.”

He waits for the angry face to turn happy, for the exclamation of ‘Uncle Ollie’ but it doesn’t happen. Noel turns completely away from him, wrapping himself around her.

“What did I do?”

She gives him a sorry look, reaching out to hold his hand where conveniently Noel can’t see. “He’s decided that no one is allowed to touch me. He nearly screamed Joe’s ear off yesterday when Joe tried to hug me goodbye.”

“Oof. How’s Hil feeling about that?”

She rolls her eyes at the mention of Noel’s mom. “She thinks it's great, which is why I’ve had him every day for the past week.” Seeing Ollie’s look, she nods. “Yeah, Joe isn’t happy about it. But they leave today and Joe is off for three days, so I will be off.”

“So, I’ve got to share until bedtime?”

“No share!” Noel chimes in and it’s cute, Ollie even gets it. He loves hugging his girlfriend, everyone and their mother calls him clingy, but he can’t help but already feel tired of it and it’s barely been ten minutes.

He can share, he has shared his girlfriend's attention and affection, but he can’t help but just want her full focus after three and a half weeks away. He hasn’t even gotten a kiss yet and the thought makes him frown.

“No cause papa is gonna be here early. I think I remember something about going out to eat and the park.”

It’s funny to watch the way Noel seems both excited about it but also displeased, already knowing that his favorite and only aunt won’t be coming with.

“Hey, Noel.” His voice is gentle and he pokes at his shoulder. “Could I get a hug from my favorite kid?”

He fully expects Noel to refuse with the way he’s managed to wiggle himself onto Y/N’s lap, but he slowly moves off her lap and hugs him.

“Hi buddy.” Ollie says, hugging him tight. “You been having a fun time with Auntie?”

“Mine.”

“I don’t get to know what you guys have been up to? Have you played race car?”

Noel’s eyes light up and he shakes his head. “No! I want to play!”

Ollie grins, easily standing up and picking him up. His neck aches a bit, but he ignores it as he puts Noel on his shoulders and begins to pace around the living room in laps.

Giggles fill the room and he can’t help but smile, occasionally spinning or making a weird turn that makes Noel claps his hands together before asking him to go faster.

It’s only when he starts to get dizzy that Ollie stops, moving him off his shoulders and holding him upside down.

“I hope he hasn’t been like that long.”

“Papa!” Noel shouts and Ollie quickly rights him and puts him in Joe’s arms.

“Only for a few minutes.” Ollie jokes.

Joe shakes his head with a laugh. “Well, as long as it was only a few minutes.” He looks over at Y/N. “How was he?”

“Good, like always. Still clingy though. He told Ollie that I was his.”

Joe has to stifle a laugh, well aware that Ollie had probably hated that.

“I got to hug her for I think five seconds.”

“Better than me, I got to for maybe a second yesterday before nearly losing an eardrum.”

Ollie sucks in a breath through his teeth. “Tough luck, mate.”

“Very. Alright, bud say goodbye to Uncle Ollie and Aunt Y/N.”

Noel pouts a little and extends his arms out towards Y/N who is now standing.

“Goodbye Auntie.”

She hugs him, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Bye Noel. I’ll see you in a few weeks.”

“Bye buddy.”

“Bye, Uncle Ollie.”

As soon as the door shuts, Ollie whirls around and is tugging her close, their lips pressing together.

It’s a frantic kiss, desperate, and Ollie can’t help the way his hands slip under her shirt, pressing her closer as his fingers dig into her bare skin.

It doesn’t stay a kiss for long. Clothes fall onto the floor and they barely manage to make it to the bedroom, the bed only a few steps away, but they end up on the floor, bodies pressed as close as they can get.

“Fuck, Ollie.” She breathes later, laying on top of him.

He lets out a breathless laugh, kissing her sweaty brow. “I told you I missed you.”

“You fucked me twice. There’s missing me and then there’s that.”

“Is it bad I want to go again after dinner?”

“If you don’t go again after dinner, you're sleeping on the couch.”

He grins, pressing another kiss to her skin. “Fantastic.”

His fingers trace shapes along her back as they both slowly get their breath back, hearts slowing to a better beat.

“Y’know,” She breaks the silence after a few moments. “You’re going to have to share me.”

“I do share you. I just did with Noel.”

She laughs, kissing his chest. “Yes, and I’m so proud of my clingy bear. But I mean, if we ever have kids and we have a boy. He’ll probably be just like you.”

Ollie feels his heart speed up at the idea of them having kids. He can see it in a few years after they’ve been married and are in a house. “Just like me?”

“Yeah, loves me to bits and never wants to be away from me. Your smile, hair, love for racing. Just a mini Ollie.”

“I guess if it’s our kids, I can learn to share you.”

[dovveri]

at-home olympics

synopsis: you and your girlfriend are watching the 2024 olympics except you’re cheering for different countries. you get a little distracted during the swimming finals though…

warnings: fluff and smut! sana's a little tease so lots of teasing, 1x edging, fingering, swearing

w/c: 3.0k

a/n: ok ik the races take place over several days but for ✨plot✨ lets pretend they dont and that history hasnt happened and i dont chronologically put these races in order bcs i couldnt be bothered doing that much research LOL aaanyway this one was inspired by miinatozakiii bcs we cuddled and play fought over which of our teams was better (i won)

〰⋆｡˚

“sana! it’s starting!”

“one second!”

“babe hurry! you’ll miss australia thrashing everyone else!”

you can hear her scoff from the kitchen, her voice nearing you as she rounds the corner to the living room where you have the olympics stream set up on the tv. “no way sweetie. if any one’s getting an ego check this year it’s absolutely gonna be you guys.”

you grin at the sight of her balancing a bowl of popcorn and a tray of sweets and goods to snack on while you watch the finals.

“what took you so long?” you tease, staying put on the couch and not bothering to get up and help her set everything onto the table.

she rolls her eyes, plopping down next to you, “i was peeling all the mandarins because someone is a big baby and won’t eat her fruit if it means getting her hands dirty.”

“you like my hands.”

“shut up.”

you laugh, wrapping your arms around her and pulling her into you adoringly, kissing her cheek. “thanks babe i love you.”

she turns to peck you properly on the lips with a smile, “love you too my big baby.”

you’re about to pout and kiss her again but you’re distracted by the cheers on the screen. the announcers start to read out the names of the finalists. you squeeze your arms around her waist in excitement, “it’s starting it’s starting!”

sana pokes a piece of fruit and holds it up to your mouth. you open without looking, eyes fixed on the screen as the swimmers start walking out for the women’s 400m freestyle.

when the australian, ariarne titmus, is named, you cheer, almost knocking the bowl of popcorn out of your hand in excitement.

“she’s the one! she’s the best bet to win this race! she won the 400 and the 200 metre freestyle last time in tokyo! she holds the world record for both of them!!”

sana hums, smiling at your enthusiasm. “you never know sweetie. the american and the canadian… mcintosh? she’s new but you saw her in the heats, she was fasttttt.”

“no way she’ll beat arnie though. this is australia’s win for sure.”

the swimmers get ready on their diving blocks, and then the buzzer sounds and they’re off.

you’re on the edge of your seat, taking in each stroke and breath, sana right there next to you.

“look look! she’s falling behind! i told you the canadians might grab this one!”

“no no that’s normal for her she always starts off slower but because 400 metres is one of the longer races she’ll really shine after the second or third lap just wait and see.”

you can feel the tension wound up tight all over your body as you watch the race, yelling encouragement, eyes locked on the swimmers as arnie starts to speed up on her final lap, passing the other competitors and hitting the end of the pool first. you jump up, whooping, punching your fist in the air as if you were the one who had just won the race.

sana laughs at your antics, rolling her eyes when you turn back to her, "i told you! i told you we'd win! the aussies are gonna crush everyone this olympics!"

"it's only the first day sweetie you know you'll fall behind once the swimming events are over."

you plop back down, "not this year. our roster is too good."

"we'll see about that."

sana was originally all smiles and giggles, watching you fondly during the next few races while you cheer when australia qualifies off various heats, and slump down next to her, miserably pecking off the snack plates when they don't. but as time goes on and australia just keeps winning, she gets a little pouty, either at the little patriotic spirit that ignites in everyone during the olympics, or the fact that you've been paying these athletes more attention than her for the past few hours.

either way, she plans to get your attention back and she has a wonderfully terrible idea on how to do exactly that.

the opportunity comes during the lull of the men's events. you're droning on about how "the aussie men aren't all that compared to the women. the aussie women are the ones to watch. who cares about the men when we've got arnie, mollie o'callaghan, kaylee mckeown, emma mckeon, especially since the french have leon marchand and he's like crazy fast and- b-baby w-what- what are you doing?"

you don't notice the way sana's hand has crept up your thigh while you were talking, too focused on the tv screen and the races.

"nothing."

you look to the side where sana's watching you with a smirk and a gaze that screams bad news.

"uh huh-" you try and wriggle away from her, shuffling backwards into the corner of the couch, shaking her hand off. her hand is stuck to you though, the movement finds her fingers only closer to your core that was beginning to slowly burn up at the feeling of her trailing her fingers up and down your inner thigh like that.

"b-baby i want to watch the olympics."

"i'm not stopping you."

"but- no i meant-"

"mm? watch the olympics."

you sigh in frustration, tearing your gaze away from her to fix your gaze back on the screen.

sana giggles lightly, letting you have a break, just resting her hand on your thigh innocently.

eventually, you forget her hand's there, too invested in the races going on screen.

"c'mon aussies! oh my god these germans elijah has to speed up oh shit- c'mon c'mon c'mon-"

the race ends with elijah winnington winning silver in the 400m men's freestyle.

"he was so close! baby did you see he was so close oh my god!"

sana rolls her eyes, more interested in your reactions than the actual games. it's when the buzzer sounds for the beginning of the 400m men's freestyle relay final that she begins to move her hand again.

your eyes immediately flick back down to your legs at the feeling, hand coming up to cover sana's but this time she gives you a lot more to work with than just her hand. she leans in, starting to pepper your neck with light kisses.

"s-sana..."

"hmm?"

"t-the finals baby..."

"you can keep watching them. or you can try anyway." you can feel her sly grin against your neck, your body betraying you as you stretch out your neck unconsciously, giving her more room to work. she latches onto the newly available skin easily, sucking and licking, her other hand drifting under your shirt and fingers running up your stomach.

"w-what brought this on?"

she shrugs, lips never leaving your skin, "do i need a reason to want to taste you?"

you whimper as she reaches your ears, knowing they're sensitive she giggles, letting the soft breath of her laugh hit the edge of your ear, kissing sweetly. your hands are clenched into fists at your side, eyes still locked on the tv screen but none of the information hitting your retina was being processed by your brain. you're straining to hear, see, feel more of sana, but she's torturously taking her sweet time, touching where she wants, kissing where she feels, even when you spread your legs open wider for her, her hand on your thigh doesn't move, only squeezes gently in thanks but refuses to make any further progress up your thigh.

"sana..." you start to whine, pushing your hips up, squirming under her touch.

"what is it sweetie?"

"need you..."

"need me to...?"

"touch me."

"i am touching you." she giggles, pinching softly at your waist, hand gliding up to cup your bare chest gently.

"more."

"more what?"

"ugh sana just-" you wriggle around under her, huffing, her nails scratching gently against your inner thigh and the bottom of your tit.

"hmm?"

"you fucking tease sana c'mon just- ah!" sana's fingers come up to tug roughly at a hard nipple, hand at your shorts sliding up to rub at your clit harshly through your drenched panties.

"watch your tongue sweetie. that's not how you talk to me is it?"

you mewl, "n-no. i'm s-sorry."

"that's better. now tell me what you want again. this time with manners."

"can you touch me please?"

"touch you where? here?" she tugs at your nipple again, your hips buck up into her, the finger at your clit pressing down at the movement.

"y-yes! everywhere! n-need you e-everywhere."

"oh everywhere? you are greedy. take off your clothes for me then baby."

she sits back, her hands no longer touching you while you hurriedly rip your top off, your shorts and panties following not long after. you lean back, spreading your legs as lidded eyes find her again. she's watching you amusedly, eyes flicking between the tv screen and your dripping cunt.

she jerks her head to the side, indicating at the tv, "australia just won silver in that race baby. did you see?"

you groan, hands coming up to grope at your own chest, the other trailing down your stomach and to your core, "don't sana- please- i don't care right now just need you-"

"now you don't care huh?" she grins self-satisfied, crawling towards you and slapping your hand away playfully, "so needy."

"only for you p-please sana-"

she hums, smiling as she kisses her way up your body, tracing the marks she's already made over your neck and collarbone, finally reaching your lips with a cheeky grin.

she looks down at you with a mirthful glint in her eyes, her lips just centimetres away from yours, "ask me."

you groan, "what?"

"ask me to kiss you."

"oh for fuck's sake-"

a hand pinches at your side and you yelp in pain.

"what did i say about language?"

you whimper easily, submitting to her without a second thought, "i'm sorry. please kiss me?"

a smile, "much better."

she connects your lips at last, giggling a little at your desperation. you moan as soon as your lips meet, hungrily sucking her lip into your mouth, eyebrows furrowed in concentration and slight annoyance at how long she's been teasing you for.

her tongue swipes along your bottom lip and you eagerly open, panting into her mouth as she licks into you, tasting of the snacks you just had and something uniquely hers that made your head spin and your pussy clench.

you're obviously terrible at multitasking and sana takes advantage of that while she's got you completely focused on how good her body feels against yours and how her tongue is searching every inch of your mouth, her hands sliding down your chest to grope at your tits properly now, squeezing and relishing the moan you let out, the slow grinding that your hips start up even without you knowing.

she gives you a much needed oxygen break, moving down your neck again but making her way straight down to your chest, her hands and mouth working in tandem to drive you positively insane, massaging your sensitive flesh and licking and sucking until you were whining and panting once again.

when she takes a nipple into her mouth, your chest arches up into her, hand finding purchase in her hair, tugging her impossibly closer. she mumbles something around your nipple, and although you don't catch what she says, the small rumble and vibration sends shivers up your spine and straight down to your core, your thighs aching to rub together to find any kind of friction on your absolutely drenched cunt.

she licks across to your other nipple that she's been twisting and pinching with those long fingers of hers, taking it into her mouth as well, the hot warmth around your nipple and her hand that comes up to squeeze at the tit she's just left, causing another gush of slick to leak between your thighs.

you don't dare look down at her, nails digging into her scalp, hips pushing up against her, moans drowning out the commentary of the swimming finals still playing on the tv.

her hands inch downwards while her mouth is still attached to your chest. she doesn't tease this time, dipping straight into your heat and running her finger along your opening.

"m- please- sana there-"

she wets her fingers easily, running them up and down your cunt a few times, making sure to rub a little circle at your clit each time she does a lap, her fingers swimming around in your pussy like the swimmers on screen.

"i-inside sana pl-ease- i'm ready-"

she hums, inserting one finger gently, pumping slowly with just her first knuckle before sliding in more, curling her finger once she reaches that part of you where she can rub at the little patch of your frontal wall that has you bucking up into her and gasping.

"r-ight there- fuck- sana- god you're- so good-"

she starts up a slow rhythm, lips still attached to your breast, sucking hickies and new marks into your skin, right next to fading marks that no one else but her could've left.

she's building you up at her own leisure, pushing another finger in once she thinks you're wet enough (you've been wet enough). your hands move down from her hair onto her shoulders, gripping tightly at the feeling.

"f-faster sana i c-can- i can take it-"

she listens so well, speeding up immediately, pushing in and out of you at a pace that leaves you breathless. you throw your head back on the arm of the couch, feeling the knot in your stomach tighten with each entrance and exit, the orgasm she's building you up to so close with each thrust.

you're so focused on cumming you don't notice the way sana's ears perk up, her lips leaving your nipple with a plop as she turns her head to the side curiously.

and then all of a sudden, just as you're about to climax, sana rips away from you, jumping up from the couch and squealing in glee.

"matsushita!! he did it! y/n look he did it! france came first but that's okay because marchand was always going to win right?! but matsushita beat america!"

you're sweating on the couch, breathing heavily as you hazily look towards sana, confused at what just happened and how you didn't just have a mind-blowing orgasm 2 seconds ago. you can feel the fluttering of your stomach, the slick on your thighs still very apparent, as if you did orgasm but you just couldn't remember it.

"w-what?"

sana turns to you with a bright smile, kissing your lips sweetly, "look! japan won silver! in swimming!"

you blink dumbly at the screen, sure enough, at second place in the men's 400m individual medley is matsushita tomoyuki representing japan. you're trying to piece together the connection between this new piece of information and why you had your orgasm so violently torn away from you.

and then you realise there was no connection.

"sana!! are you serious?!"

she turns back to look at you with a confused pout on her face, why was she being yelled at? she tilts her head like a lost puppy, completely disregarding your state of undress, a total personality flip from when she was whispering and touching you in the dirtiest ways, distracting you from the olympics only to get distracted herself and stop milliseconds before she helped you reach your high.

"what?"

"i- you- we just- i was-" you gape blankly at her, flushing bright red, hands waving around dumbly while trying to come up with the words to describe this absurd situation.

you end up throwing your hands over your face in frustration, groaning and bringing your knees up to your chest, hunching over and pulling the couch blanket over your naked body.

sana giggles, plopping back down on the couch and squeezing into you. "whaaaaaaaat-" she pokes your side, trying to get you to look at her, but you're persistent, pouting and throwing the blanket over your head, shuffling around until your wrapped around in it and your head pokes back out to watch the screen as they transition over to the women's swimming again.

sana sidles even closer, trying to get under your blanket as well, "what's wrong?"

you huff, not looking at her.

"baaaabyyyyy-" she pouts.

"i was so close." you mumble.

sana grins, "what was that?"

you whine, tips of your ears still red, "i was so close sana! why did you have to- were you watching the whole time?!"

she laughs then, bright and innocent, "noooo i just suddenly heard japanese cheering coming from the tv so i looked up to see what was going on and then matsushita hit the end of the lap!"

"so you won't let me watch the olympics but you'll deny me an orgasm when you want to watch?!"

"i always said you could keep watching! too bad you just can't pay attention to two things at once." she smirks, finally able to sneak in under your arm and come in next to you under the blanket, not minding at all that you were stark naked and she was still completely dressed.

"urgh you're so-" you huff, mumbling to yourself incoherently while making sure the blanket was fully covering her as well.

"what? i'm so what?" she's staring at you with wide eyes, a knowing smile on her lips.

"i'm not talking to you. watch the olympics."

she laughs, a full body-shaking laugh, tackling you back down into the couch with the force of it, her arms going to wrap around your waist immediately as she makes herself comfortable nuzzling herself under your neck and onto your chest.

you roll your eyes, covering the both of you as you turn your attention back to the screen. once the games were over and you only had to pay attention to your cheeky girlfriend, you'd make sure she knew exactly how you felt with all your attention focused on repaying her for her antics.

[4vanaa]

WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING, rafe cameron, 06

summary: y/n left the outer banks years ago, determined to build a life far from the memories of her childhood love, rafe cameron. now a botanist, she's moved on-though a quiet part of her still clings to the past. when an event brings her back to OBX, she's forced to confront the one person she never truly forgot.

cw: mature language, slight angst | masterlist | 05 | 07 |

❀ ❀ ❀ - indication that the chapter takes place in the past!!

yourusername

liked by rafecameron, kelce2fye, and 97 others

rafecameron wouldn’t have taken these photos if ik you were gonna post them

rafecameron seen them, so you can delete now!!

rafecameron are u having trouble finding the delete button?

rafecameron ok jokes over delete it now

yourusername i’m going to block you

rafecameron oh so your phone does work

The bonfire crackles under a star-scattered sky, casting a warm glow over the crowd. Laughter mingles with the sound of waves crashing against the shore. The Outer Banks feels alive tonight, a place where memories are made and shattered in equal measure. Your surrounded by familiar faces, friends who’ve known you forever, and for a few fleeting moments, everything feels right.

Rafe stands a few feet away, a beer clutched in his hand, watching you with hawk-like intensity. His jaw is tight, the vein in his temple pulsing. You laugh at something Pope says, and your smile radiates through the night. When Pope leans in and gives you a brief hug, Rafe’s grip on his bottle tightens until his knuckles go white.

You don’t notice at first, lost in conversation. But when you finally turn toward Rafe, his eyes are dark and stormy, barely restrained. He motions with a tilt of his head for you to come over. You hesitate, sensing the simmering rage behind his gaze.

“Hey, I’ll be right back,” you say to your friends, forcing a smile.

You walk toward him slowly, your sandals kicking up sand. The bonfire feels too far away now, its warmth slipping away with each step. When you reach him, his jaw clenches, eyes flicking to the group behind you.

“What the fuck was that?” he growls, voice low but sharp enough to cut.

Your brow furrows. “What was what?”

He takes a step closer, his face just inches from yours. The heat rolling off him isn’t the kind that makes you melt; it’s the kind that makes your spine stiffen.

“That little hug,” he spits. “With Pope. What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

You scoff, incredulous. “Are you serious right now?”

“Yes, I’m fucking serious!” His voice rises just enough to draw a few curious glances. He doesn’t care. His eyes are wild, a storm you’ve seen too many times before. “You let him put his hands all over you like that, and you think I’m just supposed to stand here and smile?”

Your hands clench into fists at your sides. “It was just a hug, Rafe. You’re blowing this out of proportion—”

“Blowing it out of proportion?” he interrupts, his voice dripping with bitterness. “You’re always so fucking friendly with everyone. Everyone gets a piece of you, and I get to just sit here and watch.”

You glare at him, your voice shaking with fury. “I’m not a piece of property, Rafe. I don’t owe you explanations for who I talk to.”

His eyes flare, his lip curling into a sneer. “Yeah, well, maybe if you didn’t need everyone’s attention all the fucking time, we wouldn’t have this problem.”

Your mouth falls open, disbelief washing over you. The hurt seeps through your expression, and for a brief second, regret flickers in his eyes — but it’s gone as quickly as it appeared.

You take a shaky breath, trying to steady yourself. Your voice is tight, barely containing your anger. “You’re being a jealous asshole.”

He laughs darkly, running a hand through his hair, the strands falling messily over his forehead. “Maybe I wouldn’t be if you didn’t make me feel like I have to fight for you every damn second.”

“Fight for me?” you echo, eyes glistening. “Rafe, I’m here. I’ve always been here. You’re the one pushing me away with your insecurities and this—this fucking control you think you have over me.”

His fingers twitch at his sides, wanting to reach for you, to pull you close and fix it, but his pride holds him back. Instead, his voice comes out sharp and venomous. “You know what? Maybe I should just stop giving a shit.”

Your breath catches in your throat. The words are like a slap, stinging more than you care to admit.

“You know what?” you say, your voice trembling. “Maybe you should.”

Turning on your heel, you feel the weight of his gaze burning into your back. He doesn’t follow. The distance between the two of you grows with each step, the crackle of the bonfire swallowed by the roaring in your ears.

By the time you reach the light of the fire, your friends’ laughter feels like another world — one you’re no longer a part of.

Your phone vibrates in your pocket as you sit by the bonfire, the warmth of the flames doing little to quell the cold knot twisting in your stomach. You try to ignore it, but your thumb betrays you, pulling the phone out of your pocket. His name lights up the screen.

11:47 PM

Rafe: So this is how it is now?

You don't reply. Your thumb hovers over the keyboard, heart pounding, before you shove the phone back in your pocket. You force yourself to focus on your friends, on their laughter, but it all feels distant. Another buzz.

11:50 PM

Rafe: You just gonna walk away like that? Cool. Real fucking mature.

Your jaw clenches, and the hurt in his words stings like a slap. You don’t even know what to say. You just keep your phone in your pocket, your hand tight around it like you’re holding onto the last bit of control you have.

12:02 AM

Rafe: Bet Pope’s loving this. Bet he’s been WAITING for you to be single.

Your fingers tighten around the phone, a sick twist in your stomach. This isn’t Pope’s fault. And it sure as hell isn’t yours. But still, the jealousy in his message burns. You don’t respond.

12:10 AM

Rafe: I know Pope likes Cleo. I know I’m being fucking ridiculous. But I can’t help it.

Your heart aches as you read his words. It’s not even about Pope, not really. It’s about you leaving, about the distance growing between you. You close your eyes and try to steady your breath, but it feels like it’s all unraveling. You don’t know how to fix this, or even if you should.

12:15 AM

Rafe: You always wanted to be everyone’s favorite. Well, congrats. You win.

His words hit harder than any of the others. You feel like you’ve been slapped, and the sting is so raw you can’t stop the tears that threaten to spill. You wipe them away quickly. Cleo looks at you, her concern palpable.

“You good, girl?” she asks.

“Yeah,” you lie, forcing a smile. “Just tired.”

Your phone buzzes again. You know it’s him. You don’t want to look, but you do. You can’t help it.

12:32 AM

Rafe: Fuck. I didn’t mean it.

12:34 AM

Rafe: Why do I always fuck this up?`

You suck in a breath. His self-loathing is so intense, so painfully familiar. You wish you could hold him, reassure him, but it’s not that simple. He’s not the only one who’s hurt, and you’re tired of carrying it all by yourself.

12:45 AM

Rafe: Come back. Please.

Your stomach churns at the desperation in his words. Part of you wants to cave, wants to go back to him and forget about everything. But you know you can’t. Not like this. You can’t keep walking in circles around him, hoping that one day it’ll all make sense.

12:50 AM

Rafe: I need you.

Your throat tightens. You’re choking on the ache inside you, the words that you can’t take back and the love that you’re not sure how to handle anymore. He’s always needed you, but you need more than that. You need to be seen, to be loved in a way that doesn’t hurt.

You squeeze your eyes shut, hands trembling. And just when you think it’s over, your phone buzzes again.

1:05 AM

Rafe: I know I’m not good enough for you. But I don’t know how to be without you.

a/n: the next few chapters will all be set in the past, and then no more past chapters!!

tags : @xoxo-ada @sabrina-carpenter-stan-account @sleepiibunniiii @urbrunettebombshell

[miss-oranje-disco-dancer]

things friends do

pairing: bsaa circle jerk - chris, jill, piers, rebecca, reader (ends up being nivanfield and reader/jill/becca)

tags/cws: everyone is gay, mutual masturbation, oral m! receiving, sex toys

summary: reader walks in on a totally regular event for the bsaa crew

a/n: this permeates my mind constantly. ik no one asked for this. this was for me

div creds to @animatedglittergraphics-n-more

wc: 1.7k

tags: @rigorwhoring @leonfucker3000 @withonly-sweetheart

There’s no such thing as home anymore, not right now. You’ve got your own bunk and your own bag. Everything else is shared. You’ve got one roommate which is better than some can say, but the extra space means nothing when she snores loud enough that you can still hear her through your earplugs. At some point, you just pass out, you always do, but it’s not too late and you’re not too tired yet. A little walk might do you some good, you figure. 

You don’t dare leave the building, you stay in your lane, as always. But, at the end of the corridor, you hear chatter, a light streaming into the hall. Curiosity has you in a vise grip, and it drags you to the door, slightly ajar. You get the sense that you’re not supposed to be here. 

Out of all the things you’ve seen in the short time you’ve been working for the BSAA, this is the most surprising yet. It’s like an opposite nightmare – you’re usually the one naked in front of your coworkers, but tonight it’s the opposite. Chris, Rebecca, Jill, and Piers all in varied states of undress, gathered around a TV that currently displays a couple – a woman with big fluffy blonde curls sitting at the edge of a bed, wearing nothing but her stockings, legs spread in front of a man sporting a typical 70s pornstache and a pair of bell-bottoms. 

But you’re more focused on Rebecca’s t-shirt that’s not long enough to cover her white panties; Chris’ chest fully bare, one arm across the back of the loveseat and the other hand slipping beneath the denim of his jeans; Jill’s tits spilling out of her bra that match her panties in color; and Piers’ t-shirt lifted just above his abs, letting his cock sit stiff against his skin. 

Maybe you could’ve slipped out unnoticed if you hadn’t taken a self-indulgent survey of the room. 

Still, you back away with an apology. “I’m sorry, I had no idea –I’ll just get going…”

But Chris stops you. “Hey, wait–”

“I won’t tell, don’t worry.”

You may not have read the rulebook thoroughly, but this has to violate at least one clause in there. 

“No, it’s okay. You can come in, if you want.”

Should you? Probably not. Are you nervous? Probably. Is your heartbeat speeding up as you slip inside the room, slowly shutting the door behind you? 

Yes. 

The hardest decision is where you should sit. There is a space between Jill and Piers, as they sit on opposite ends of the couch, but it’d be a tight squeeze. Luckily, Piers eagerly moves to sit next to Chris and Jill smiles when she pats the spot next to her. 

Everyone aside from the couple on TV stops touching themselves as a welcoming gesture. 

Chris and Jill explain that this is something they've been doing for ages. You get used to it when you're in the military, and neither of them are into each other so, it's just a casual friendly activity. Piers and Rebecca joined the group in later years, and now, it seems, they've gotten a fifth member.

"You don't have to do anything if you don't want to," Rebecca notes. "Sometimes I don't."

You’d always known Rebecca to be empathetic, but her voyeuristic tendencies are a new discovery. 

"But, if you want to, you can borrow this," Jill says, holding up a small vibrator. 

“Oh, I um…”

“It’s clean, don’t worry,” she says. 

“I wouldn’t want to take it from you.”

“I always keep an extra,” she says, pulling a similar one from her bag that sits beside the couch. 

In that case, you think, I’ll take it. 

But the smile you share says all you need to convey your thanks when you accept the gift she holds out to you. 

In an attempt to avert everyone’s gaze from your hands fiddling with your belt, you ask, pointing to the TV, "what are you guys watching?"

"Porn," Chris says.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious."

"Barry gave us a whole stack of tapes — ancient stuff, but he found it all in a box in the basement when they were moving and decided he wanted to get rid of them, and why let them go to waste?" Jill explains.

"Does he do this too?" you ask. 

"Jerk off? Probably," Piers says.

"Statistically, yes," Rebecca agrees.

"No, I meant this, as in, this," you say, gesturing to the room, the gathering, the situation.

"Oh. No, that'd be weird.” Piers has a flash of disgust cross his face at the thought which is amusing considering the fact that he’s pining after another one of his superiors – the one next to him on the loveseat. 

But you’re too new to the group to poke fun, you decide, and moreover, befuddled, so you continue the same line of inquiry."But he knows about this?"

"Yes. It'd be kinda weird if he was giving us pornos randomly," Piers says in a tone that almost makes Chris’ constant irritation towards him make sense. 

It's still a little weird, you think.

"Shh!" Chris says. "I can't hear what they're saying, and I'm not putting the goddamn subtitles on."

"Does it matter what they're saying?" Jill laughs a little when she speaks. "Here, let me recap for you," she sits up straighter in her seat like she's about to perform – because she is – before dramatically moaning, "oh, baby, your cock is so big," and in a second, manlier voice, "oh yeah, baby? you like that?"

Chris, unfazed while the others chuckle, clarifies, "They're not even fucking yet, Jill. He was saying—"

"No one cares about the plot."

"I care about the plot."

"We'll be quiet, okay?" you say to diffuse the tension which is already high considering everyone in the room is visibly aroused, likely to the point of frustration. 

"Thank you," Chris says with a sigh that sounds different when his hand is around his dick.

The sounds of his hand, covered in spit, pumping his cock barely covers up the buzzing of the vibrator as you place it against your clit on the lowest setting. 

You can’t help but feel embarrassed by the moan you let out despite how tiny it is, insignificant among the other lewd noises around you. 

You don’t even realize that your gaze has settled on Jill’s tits as they bounce slightly with each heavy breath. She notices, though. 

“I’m not a museum. You don’t have to just look,” she says. “You can touch them.”

She unclasps her bra with one hand and reaches out her other palm to guide your unoccupied hand, knowing you’re new to this whole thing. Her eyes meet yours and you nod before she places your hand on her breast. 

“Shit,” Chris mutters, “that’s hot.” 

And he’s not talking about the TV. 

It’s the thought in everyone’s mind, he’s the only one brave enough to say it aloud. 

Knowing Chris’ eyes are no longer fixated on the TV, Rebecca takes the opportunity to cross in front of it and sit beside you. 

“Tit for tat?” she asks. 

“Tit for tit, you mean?” Jill says.

The joke is stupid but it earns a laugh from you nonetheless. 

And, of course, you agree to the bargain. You take your shirt off and so does Rebecca. 

The vibrator buzzes aimlessly against the fabric of the couch, but you no longer need the artificial stimulation. 

Rebecca's touch is gentle when she rubs your thigh, asking for permission to touch you. In response, you open your legs, allowing her access. She keeps one hand between your thighs and the other between her own, working them in tandem, making you moan in time with her.

Surprising and arousing enough to make you gasp, Jill’s lips meet your neck, and it makes you moan. You're too distracted to hold anything back. Too distracted by the show Piers and Chris put on across the room. The constant sexual tension finally bubbling over in front of your eyes is a miracle. They've been head over heels for each other for years, but neither one of them was willing to admit it. They're still not admitting it per se, they'll say they're just giving each other a hand, being a good friend in a time of need. At least, that’s what they’ll say if you bring it up tomorrow. 

Piers' eyes flit back and forth from Chris' hand around his cock and his around Chris'. He's in shock, awe, and bliss all at once. Chris, is looking directly at you, smug about something.

"Forgot to mention," he says, "whoever cums first is on cleanup duty."

"That's not fair!" you whine. "You should've told me that beforehand."

The worst part is that watching Chris get sucked off is one of the hottest things you've seen (aside from Jill and Rebecca leaning over you to kiss each other).

Your jumbled up mind is still sharp enough to come up with a plan, one good enough to win, you hope. 

“Piers,” you say – your voice coming out a bit shaky, a bit desperate –pointing to the scene on TV – a brunette woman with the most obviously fake boobs you've ever seen is sucking the life out of a man whose barely-trimmed bush is the only thing visible.

You don’t have the strength to say anything else, but he knows what you mean: copy her technique.

While your focus is on Rebecca and Jill, on putting your fingers to good use, on listening to them moan in tandem, you can hear the faint sounds of gagging, presumably from Piers, though they're nearly covered up by Chris groaning in a manner that you'd never expect from someone so stoic.

You can feel Rebecca's thighs begin to tremble and hear Jill's breath hitch while the slick sounds of Chris' hand around Piers' cock get louder as his pace speeds up. But in time with the porno, like it's fated to happen, Chris says in sync with the man, "Shit. I'm fucking cumming."

The woman says something stupid, but Piers just coughs as he tries to catch his breath before letting himself fall over the edge.

Knowing that you've already won, you surrender to the pleasure of Jill and Rebecca's combined assault on your pussy, your tits, and your neck with fingers, lips, tongue, and teeth. And you return the favor with equal determination and fervor.

The tape ends and the screen turns to static (and your mind seems to mirror it). You are snapped out of your daze by Jill, nudging you with her shoulder, "So, same time next week?"

[lokisswiftie]

Bittersweet Revenge

Loki x Reader

A/N: alright, Ik this is a lot more intense from what I’ve written before on here, but I just had this idea and had to get it down. This is mostly in unedited so I also apologise for any mistakes. This is going to get a little gruesome but I tried to hold back from getting too descriptive. Also I do know this isn’t what would happen in real life I just wanted to write this scenario. Please give me any CONSTRUCTIVE criticism that you have. Sending love to all of you!!💗 (also requests are open.)

Warnings: Mentions of past torture, Trauma, Angst, detailed Descriptions of violence, eventual fluff

Summary: many years after your past as a former Hydra agent, the same agents who tortured you are brought in by S.H.I.E.L.D. You take the only chance you have to rectify what they did to you, but how will Loki react once he finds out what you’ve done?

Enjoy!!

———————————————————————

It was supposed to be a celebration. The team had finally managed to bring in the hydra agents that had escaped so many times. Everyone was supposed to be happy. But not you.

The moment the group of hydra workers were escorted through the doors it was like all the air was sucked out of you. Your eyes bore into the back of their heads as they were walked away from you. You hadn’t realised you were still standing there frozen until Nat came up behind you to check on you.

“Are you alright Y/N?”

She inquired, and you reluctantly broke your gaze. You fought to maintain a casual facade, but the rage filled you and the distress of seeing them again was sinking into your veins. You exhale slowly, before meeting her eyes. If you’re going to go through with your revenge you can’t have her figuring it out.

“Everything’s fine, Nat. I’m just tired.”

She doesn’t believe you, but leaves it be. From then until the time when everyone else is leaving the office, you’re on your own. Doing paperwork, and thinking deeply. Loki wasn’t here with you, but if he knew… he would be horrified of your plans to get revenge. You were usually so level headed, even on missions. if he saw you like that… the thoughts kept plaguing you.

If it weren’t for the nightmares, the terror and everything you’d done to collect yourself after all they put you through you might’ve let it go. They destroyed everything, and now was the only chance you’d get.

So, when most people had left to go home, you snuck down to the holding cells. There was a dagger gripped tightly in your hand, but you most likely wouldn’t use it. Despite your being trained to not be messy.. to make every kill efficient and clean.. you might just take your time with this one.

As you approached the door you paused. You could turn back now. It might be for the best. You could just go back upstairs and finish the paperwork you’d been assigned. Maybe grab a coffee. Let them go.

No, you decided. After everything they’d taken from you? Everything and everyone you’d lost after they captured you? No. It was time for a wrong to be righted, even if you did have to get blood on your hands. You open the door.

“Do you remember me?”

One of the four men look up. There’s nothing in his eyes. He looks away as soon as he looked up and you curse him in your mind. You turn to the next, then the next until you meet the eyes of the final man.

“You remember me.”

He smiles, an empty heartless smile that doesn’t meet his dead eyes.

“I remember. You’re the one that escaped. Gave us a few scars on your way out.”

He laughs hollowly, and you grit your teeth. Your eyes bore into his. You grip the handle of the knife tight.

“Don’t worry. You wont be alive to see the scars I’ll leave this time.”

With that you grip the side of his skull and bring his head hard against the glass wall.

***

It’s got to be at least thirty minutes later. You’re sweating, and your casual get up is covered in blood. Their blood. You stand in the middle of the room, eyes scanning the crumpled forms around you. Part of you was satisfied. The other part.. was considering the aftermath of all this.

Thank god for soundproof walls. You were sure their excessive screaming would have drawn attention. Maybe that would have been good. Maybe you needed someone to stop you.

You wipe clean the blade of your dagger, before turning around to face the large glass window of the room. And then you freeze in place.

Standing there on the other side of the glass, face white as paper, is Loki. Your beloved. The person who saw past the facade. Who backed you up when people judged you for your past. Is now staring with an un readable expression on his face. He knew who they were. Of course he knew. You could feel him, poking and prodding at your mind.

You hadn’t realised tears were pricking your eyes until this very moment, when they all overflowed.

“Shit.”

You grab onto the handle of the door, and then you’re standing outside. Face to face with him. The slow drip of blood on the floor making everything feel real.

“Loki.. Loki I’m- I’m sorry.. I’m so sorry.”

You garble, and before you can stop it tears are overflowing. Everything seems so real now, as you stand under the buzzing lights.

“What… did you do?”

His voice is weak as he scans your frame. You shiver under his gaze, and see it soften drastically. Your breathing is uneven and erratic as you attempt to say something. Anything. To defend what you’ve done.

You expect him to run. To turn away and leave you here with your sins. But before you can say another word, his arms are around you. He pulls you against him firmly, rubbing your back and arms.

“Breathe. It’s okay. Don’t think about it. Just focus on my voice.”

And you do your best to listen. Despite the bodies. Despite the blood that pools on your clothes and now his. Despite the fear coursing through you. You listen. You let him use his fingers to gently untangle your hair. You let yourself believe it’ll all be okay.

“… did it help? With.. With the hurt they left behind?”

He finally speaks, and you inhale shakily as you think before responding.

“Yes… I think it did.”

You finally look up and meet his eyes. His beautiful green eyes that have no fear. And as if he can read your mind, he replies.

“Oh darling.. I could never fear you. No matter what, I’m here. I love you.”

You breathe deeply, and press your face back into his chest. Your mind still thrums with thoughts.

“What will happen now?”

Your voice shakes as you say it, and he pauses. You can almost hear the cogs in his head turning. When he finally replies after a minute of silence, his voice is calm and steady.

“I don’t know. But I’ll be here with you. Through anything… let’s get you home.”

He sees the shake in your legs and your weak knees, and without hesitating scoops you up into his arms. You rest your head against his shoulder as he walks, and listen to the sound of his steady heart beat. As long as he’s with you.

[mossyivy]

I think I genuinely found the perfect song for Leon and his wife as like "their song".

(Yes ik it's the song from Twilight but it's fitting!!!)

Now, when I think about them getting married I don't think they did a big wedding. They got married on a whim because Leon had vacation time coming up. They got married by a justice of the peace at a courthouse in front of everyone they cared about and rented a party room at a nice restaurant they really love just to have a good meal and be with everyone who matters.

They didn't have a cake, no flower toss, no first dance. But you did get to dress up, everyone did. Just shared their happiness with everyone. You had a honeymoon for sure though. 2 blissful weeks in Italy together, the vacation they'd planned on taking together. Just to have a romantic get away.

You promised each other that you'd do something special for your first anniversary but you got pregnant and Violet was barely 3 months old on your wedding anniversary that the thought slipped both your minds.

But one afternoon Leon's heading home from a particularly grueling case. Everything that could have gone wrong almost did. And of course he's sitting in traffic when all he wants is to go home an see his wife and daughter. The only thing sounds are the engine and occasional honks from idiot drivers. So he turns on the radio to fill the silence. He catches the ending of some other song. The radio dj coming on and talking for a bit, he reaches for the dial when piano keys fill the car. He just goes back to waiting, sitting back in his seat as he does so.

And my God does he get emotional... He doesn't know if it's the stress he's under or if it's that he can't stop thinking about how relevant everything feels.

He knows his life is hard, It's been hard since that night in Raccoon City and everything that's happened to him. All the people he's seen suffer and the awful things he's seen. But once he met you he finally had something good. Something that gave him hope.

His life changed so much in the past 5 years of being together. You loved him. You married him. You gave him the family he's always wanted and his life is barely over a quarter of the way through. He gets to come home to you and the beautiful baby girl he loves so much.

How could he not finally be thankful for being alive?

Because he gets to live not to just be a weapon anymore. He's got something to look forward to.

Your anniversary rolls around. It's almost midnight and you're prepping your lunch for the next day at work. As Leon walks into the kitchen. Doing his usual schtick of wrapping his arms around you and burying his face in your neck. Giving you the usual kisses with a tight squeeze so you can't escape his love as you squeal for mercy. He eventually stops his torturing affection and looks at the stove clock as you zip you're lunchbox closed.

Soon you're lifted from the floor being carried by the waist out of the kitchen.

"Leon! I'm not done yet!"

"It's our anniversary now so I get to do what I please."

"That's not how this works!"

He sets you on the floor, standing as you playfully glare at him. He hustles over to the stereo, plugging his phone in and turning it up, not loud enough to wake the baby.

"What're you doing?" You question, hearing the piano fill the living room as he hustles around the couch.

"What we should of done last year. Our first dance. He wraps his arms around you, pulling you close.

"Leon, we've danced since we got married."

"Yes, but we never picked a song! So just, dance with me and listen. Please? Pleeeease?" He bounces on place till you sigh and wrap your arms around him.

You just stare into each other's eyes while you slow dance. Swaying gently to the music as you listen. Both of you getting emotional by the end of the song. Tears streaming down both your faces. Still smiling as you hug him tight.

"Being with you was one of the best choices I've ever made. I love you so much."

[implusivesugarapple]

🍎Toxic Lucifer Headcanons🍎

MINORS DNI

TW: verbal/mental and physical abuse,stockholm's syndrome,degradation

♡ Lucifer is constantly hovering over you to keep you close to him

♡ Even when you're both sleeping he's squeezing you tight

♡ Mornings aren't easy either he can conjure up anything with a snap of his fingers but still insists you make breakfast

♡ Even trying your hardest, it's not perfect for him

♡ ...let's just say you were never were the best cook

♡ He gives you a disgusted look and he knows it gets to you every time.

♡ It's not the same way Lilith used to make pancakes

♡ Nothing was ever the same for him and he didn't like change

♡ There are times where he shuts you out locking himself in his crafts room

♡ Either that or he would lock you in the guest room

♡ You even threatened to leave him once, huge mistake

♡ "Do you forget who I am" "I am the king of Hell, do you know what I can do to you"

♡ That was enough for you

♡ He would always "forget" arguments or things he would yell at you about

♡ Well not always but he would hope you would

♡ He would later come up running behind you giving you a hug completely forgetting what he said

♡ You were always scared of him and even if you brought up what happened he would get mad at you for remembering

♡ "How are you still mad about that" "Maybe next time do it right"

♡ And don't you dare go inside his crafts room

♡ That's his place, even if it's full of dust and portraits of Lilith

♡ There was one time when you caught a peak of the room and you questioned him about it

♡ “Why were you looking there in the first place" “Are you so insecure that you just have to creep on me"

♡ It's not his fault but he doesn't get when you obviously get upset about something he would do

♡ "why are you crying again"

♡ Shows you off to the other sins

♡ You're most likely lower in "class" or "hierarchy" than him so he uses this to his advantage

♡ Treats you basically like a pet in front of them

♡ Everyone except for Ozzie and Beelzebub

understand how you feel bc of their partners

♡ "I have a meeting" is a word you heard a lot but when you ask the other sins it's a mix of responses mostly them just covering for him

♡ "I give you everything can't you just..."

♡ leaves you on read all the time

♡ you ask him "where are you," "can i come in," "i love you"

♡ he on the other hand only texts you when he needs something or when he wanted to tell you something no one else could hear

♡ He's the king of Hell and in charge of the pride ring so it's expected that he cheats

sorry not sorry (≧ω≦)/

♡ If you do catch him it's most likely someone that looks like you or Lilith

♡ He didn't like being committed to you

♡ He loves that the people he hooks up with admire him so much

♡ You just got boring to him

♡ Satan forbid though you even glance at another guy though

♡ if he is physically abusive then he undermines how bad it is

♡ "I didn't even hit you that hard"

♡ "Stop being so dramatic"

♡ "You know i'm only doing this because I love you"

♡ He knows and has control over his own strength but he wants to put you in place

♡ This is only because he has no control over the things around him and has left his ring into chaos

♡ This only made it worse when his daughter was able to improve Hell in less than a year

♡ "You can't leave me" He hugs you tightly "If you do i know where to find you"

sorry ik this is different from my other content i just don't see much toxic hcs for Lucifer

[hannahlovesluca]

“You never loved me, did you?”

| warnings : heart wrenching angst, cursing

It started that one stupid day everyone celebrates when baby Jesus was born.

The one day thats supposed to stay merry, jolly, and bright.

Your eyes divert away from his face, landing on the wall behind him, a creamy white color with intricate swirls, roses, and animals imprinted on.

Your heart is beating so fast, you can feel a dull ache inside your chest that begs you to just give up all hope and run away from this situation.

Give up.

Stop- I can handle this…

Give up.

Everyone has their secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call them cold when they are only sad.

Living life was not the same as it once was when you were young. Being young, you were happy. The world was happy. Everyday when you woke up, there was a permanent smile etched onto your face.

Now, you’re being met with situations like these.

“Y/N. Look at me.”

Your eyes flicker back to Ike, resting on his neutral face, obviously trying to hold back all his pain and sorrows the world doesn’t know about. The world doesn’t need to know.

Ike Eveland himself, is not cold.

He is sad.

Ike Eveland, is sad.

All of humanity's problems stem from a man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone.

At least, that what you thought.

“I’ll fight for you, Y/N. Whether you like it or not,” he says whilst running his thumb down your cheek; you almost want to lean into his touch.

You can’t bring yourself to smile.

If anything, you’re more hurt by his words.

You say the one thing that has been on the tip of your tongue for over a year.

“I don’t love you anymore, Ike.”

"What?" Ike questions tentatively, as if he were scared of hearing the truth.

He takes his hand away from your cheek, and his expression is one of shock.

"Y-you don't?"

"I don't. Not like I used to," you keep your tone as steady as you can. You've made up your mind.

“You’ve changed me forever. And I’ll never forget you,” you know you shouldn’t lead him on, and you’re not trying to, but god does he need to know how much you used to love him.

Ike's face is a mask of sadness, and his lips are pressed into a tight line. He's trying to hold back the flood of emotions that threaten to explode from his eyes.

"I don't know what to say... I love you still." His voice is choked as he tries to fight back his tears. "I... I'll never be the same after you leave me. I can't imagine a life without you."

“Nothing is ever certain,” you say, a small, sad smile resting upon your face.

“Someone will love you the way you deserve, but I’m not that someone, Ike.”

You don't understand how he can be so perfect. You're a nobody and he is a prince. He deserves the world. But you can't give it to him, because you are not what he deserves.

Ike laughs bitterly.

“You never loved me, did you?”

He turns his back on you and you feel something in your chest break. He leaves your house with one last sentence:

"Maybe it's a good thing we're not together after all."

And he leaves.

You want to shout - to scream.

A void in your chest was beginning to fill with anger. Quiet, defeated anger that guaranteed you the right to your hurt, that believed no one could possibly understand that hurt.

You feel as if you are a child and everything around you is going to hell and there is no one to tell you it is going to be alright.

Your hands are shaking and you clench them into fists.

You don’t love him.

It is the truth, you do not love him.

Not in the way he wants you to.

But it does not change the fact that you do not like to see him go. You do not like that he is hurting.

You have a choice: run after him, or stay where you are.

To run after him, you’d be running into the pouring rain. And this was not a cliché romance novel.

But to stay, means you could never mend things.

You could never talk. You could never fix things.

You had two choices.

Run into the pouring rain or stay dry and let it ruin the grass and flowers.

It was raining harder now.

You grab your coat and run.

Ike hears footsteps behind him and turns. You are running toward him and when you stop, both of you are breathing heavily, both of you are drenched.

There is a flash of lightning and a roll of thunder, and neither of you speak until it has passed.

Your heart is pounding and you are shivering from the cold. Ike steps forward and takes your hands. His eyes are searching yours and you wish you knew what he was looking for.

When he is content with what he finds, his grip on your hands loosens.

You open your mouth to say something, but he cuts you off.

His kiss is passionate, but soft and hesitant. He pulls away far too soon, his breath brushing against your skin, making your shiver again.

"I love you," he says.

And this makes you erupt into sobs.

“Please, don’t you get it, Ike? We can’t be together…I… I don’t love you.”

And those words make him flinch.

He takes a step back, and you are left alone again.

Alone in the pouring rain.

You feel a pain in your chest, and realize your heart has broken.

You are not sure whether it was because of Ike, or yourself.

He loves you.

And you will always love him, but not in the way he loves you. He fell in love with a storm, there was no escaping unscathed.

You wanted to cry, but you didn't, you probably should have cried, you should have drowned the both of you there, ending your suffering.

[tiny-maus-boots]

Darkest of Nights pt 15

Chloe

"Is she asleep?"

Beca turned her head from the dark road in front of them to peer into the cabin of the VW bus. Her brow came up at a soft rumble from Aubrey’s still form, her lips easing back in a grin as she recognized the sound as a low growl. Aubrey was dreaming and growling in her sleep.

"Pretty sure she is reliving some great battle in her sleep. She's growling."

Chloe nodded and smiled a little at it. "She does that when she is stressed out."

Aubrey had been even more quiet after they'd left the Walmart parking lot. At first she thought it was simply the need to feed but Beca had gone contemplative too and she wondered what had happened while she had been gone.

"Lady, everyone in this car is stressed. And between you and me she could use a little more rest. She's not moving so great."

"It will be light soon anyway. Another couple of hours and we will be in relative safety. We can feed, clean up, and get real sleep there."

Beca nodded and dug around in her bag of Mike and Ikes for a yellow candy to pop in her mouth. Chloe could sense something under the surface, some tension she didn't understand.

"Cool cool cool. I could use a shower myself. So um. When were you going to tell me you're Blood Guard?"

Chloe froze, her grip tightening on the hard plastic wheel. It wasn’t a secret. She hadn’t purposely kept it from Beca. Not really. But at the same time she was glad it hadn’t come up before.

"I guess I didn't think it was important. I'm not with them, Beca, I'm here with you. "

Beca looked out the window and played with her thumb ring. Chloe couldn't fathom what must be going on in the necromancer's head and was perhaps a little afraid to ask.

"I'm pretty sure it's still important. At least to Aubrey."

If she had a beating heart it would have stopped. Chloe blinked and glanced quickly at Beca while trying to keep her focus on the road.

"S-she told you?"

"Yeah. After I was a super judgy bitch and pretty much called her an elitist snob for caring that your mom was turned and not born."

"Aubrey never cared about that." It came quickly from her lips because it was the truth. Chloe sighed regretfully and leaned back into the squeaky seat. "But I did."

"So you're the snobby elitist bitch?"

"No! No one is the snobby bitch."

"Then I'm confused. Because if I'm understanding this right, the woman you're deadass in love with would have given everything up to be with you. And you walked away."

It sounded bad when Beca said it like that. But she didn't know. How could she understand the intricacies of vampire politics from more than a thousand years before her birth? 

"You make me feel old, Beca."

"Why? Because I see the truth?"

"Because you see the truth in the only way you will accept it, in small pieces. The truth is bigger than mine or even Aubrey’s feelings. She is meant for more than any union with me could provide her. If we had…"

It hurt too much to voice the possibility of what could have been. Chloe closed her mouth focused on checking the mirrors for signs of a tail to allow her a second to compose herself. 

"Don't you understand that she did the impossible once and can again? I couldn't help her change the world by being at her side, Beca. I could only do it by watching her back. So yes. I fought and earned my place in the Blood Guard instead of being with her. I believe in her so much that I would give her up. That is the whole truth of things."

Beca stared at her, tight lipped, for an eternity before she spoke.

"I owe you both an apology. The only snobby bitch here is apparently me. I'm the big snobby bitch. I…assumed things based on what I know about vampires. I should have known you two would be different."

"I'm not saying we weren't horrible. Beca, we are vampires. And for many many years we did unspeakable things because we thought they were the right things. Because we thought we had the right….I personally hav…"

"Stop! I don't want or need to hear that. Look. I have a hard time trusting anyone let alone vampires, but I do. Trust you and Aubrey. Whoever or whatever you were before, that isn't who I'm riding with now. And I can't even believe these words are even coming out of my face right now but, I believe in you. This…ideal didn't come from the vampire that was born damn near royal. It came from the one that was never considered good enough. It's you Chloe. You're why she wants to change the world. And I get it. I do. If someone had ever loved me the way you clearly love her…I would change the world for them too."

It was the longest single speech the necromancer had ever made and Chloe watched her out of the corner of her eye. Beca shrugged and tossed another candy in her mouth.

"I'm sorry, Chloe. I'm the last person that should be questioning anyone's feelings. I wouldn't know love if it bit me."

Chloe turned her head to look at Beca fully but the brunette was staring out the window at the shadows of trees racing past as they drove. 

There were only so many words to speak that could fill the gap but Chloe could live another thousand years and never know what they were. Instead she reached across the space between their seats and took Beca's so fragile hand in hers with a gentle squeeze.

If only it were so simple as saying she was already loved. Perhaps she didn't know the words right now but Chloe would spend all the days of the rest of her lifetime searching for the ones that would erase the shadow of hurt in Beca's eyes. 

That was a promise.

[poetic-stuff]

They say we all have a soulmate, what if I say I have two, who makes me feel at home and a bird which is free.

They're love, they're life, they're everything I can think and even the things I can't think, if I've got any secret then they'll be the first to know and ik they WILL sync.

It's like a tiny little family I have with no irritation or trauma, if we get to cooking then there will only be laughters and aroma.

If I had to talk about love then I'd talk about us, we'll guess our issues just by seeing our faces like "something is sus!".

Its like if we stand by eachother's side then we'd rule the world, and make everyone heard.

We're not only there for gossip but for eachother, what if we all never met, our lives would've been darken than black colour.

What if I say we fight verrryy rarely or barely even fight, that's my flex that noone is as good as them and our friendship is soooo tight.

We meet a few times in a year I guess, and it's like we paused our lives and started wherever we stopped and never a mess.

I grew up with them and it's like we're sisters from another mothers, even if we live far now, I know like these, I can't find gems another.

poetic-stuff

[walker33961]

LIGHTS OF M O N T E - C A R L O 🌌

You and Gaz are dating for more than 5 years , Being a sergeant in the 141 means a tight security over the members family and selves . Reason why you had to stay out of visiting the base ...

This time it was a prvt party in Monte Carlo..where everyone was bringing their lovies and it was a big chance for him to bring u somewhere with him and to make it more special and to cut all rumors hanging around the 141 Base. He decided that it's time to put a ring in your hand....Soap, Ghost,Price , Alejandro, Rudy..everyone got excited with the plan ...includes a different decoration, their girlfriends were a big help for Gaz and the boys to create a sweet romantic atmosphere along with the party vibes...

⋇⋆✦⋆⋇

Everything was set, You came wearing a beautiful long dark blue dress with a little make-up and the couple Bracelet you are wearing from the starting of the relationship with sweet boy Gaz..

All got into a big bossy luxurious yatch and came near to the center where the whole city looks Shinning as they were outta galaxy..... Atmosphere got matched with the slow music in the bg...

You were holding his hands, soft wordfull eye contact , Watching the view with love eyes ... All of the boys dancing with their beloved sweethearts...

Suddenly...

Gaz :

*brings you to the center of attention spot*

Everyone stared at you...being confused and Gaz , sitting in one knee..

"Ik i should have taken you to all places with me so that u dont worry all the time... You know how hard is to maintain a life as a sergeant...

I want to clean the air of rumors in the base..... I want u to be with me everywhere and no one will ask about it...I want you to me Mine

"WILL YOU MARRY ME SO THAT I CAN TAKE U TO PLACES WITH ME AND SPEND TIME TOGETHER WITH LOVE UNTIL LAST? *opens a ring box and takes it out... Making u wear it*

You : Kh..kyle...You did all this for me ?

Gaz : well, also for the boys.. They where a bigg bigg help & ya, I can do anything for you, name it and it's yours... Always...

Just give me an answer... Love..

You : YES!!! A BIG YES!!!

Gaz gets up, hugs you with whole love and kissed you on the lips so sweetly like it's your wedding day...

Everyone clapped and appreciated the efforts of his... ( and for their girls too...)

.

Next day , there was a f1 racing tournament ..the boys were a big fan of thre f1 thing... So they went to see the match... Leaving their lovies to have some girl time...

After 1 hour....

Gaz : ya....and Simon was whole red , Soap was.........

*Text pops up*

💍🤍 : Dont come late Kyle. Love you ✨💗 We girls are missing our handsomes

*sends 1 attachment*

Gaz : 😳

Rudy : Looks like someone's getting orders in the middle of the race..

Gaz : Not just me Hermano....

*shows guys the selfie of the gf gang*

Them : 😳

@alewesker <3

[thegeminisage]

last night when i stopped playing i aimed myself at a stable and jumped into the tower so i had no choice but to fly there upon opening the game today, even though i was going to fuck around and do something else lol. at least stables make me remember my amiibo...

omg its the infamous underpants stable...finally i get to see what it's all about. i should run around in mine too. solidarity

PRINCESS ZELDA ORDERED THEM TO--????

OKAY GIRL GET IT IG LOL

lmao when i talked to penn with no clothes on he was like. are you gonna investigate undercover??

SCREEEAM this guy is like oh you're dressed in our new uniform

aw. beedle goes "we meet again and again - i wonder how many times we met in our past lives!"

the girl with the dogs who straight up won't look at or speak to any naked men, including me. lesbian queen

alright, up the mountain road i go...totally naked

killing me to ignore these koroks but they're all just too far out of the way :/

oh i found it! lmao they really do think i'm one of them

ik this is like. fake zelda. im hoping its yiga zelda tho bc this is simply too silly. it reeks of yiga shenanigans. real fake zelda was a bit uncanny

ah, i'm required to go gearless for this...smh this eventide bullshit

"we'll learn from your methods, we're just not confident in the physical side of this" THIS GAME IS RATED E FOR EVERYONE

wow. i just BARELY made it. whew!!

omg they MISHEARD HER?? it's not even a yiga thing?? man come on this truly is the urban legend of zelda

rip they put their clothes back on. it wouldve been funny if they got so inspired they stayed naked forever lol

i guess i'll put my clothes back on, too...

froze in terror like a prey animal when i saw this block puzzle but i did actually get it this time.

standing under a talus's crotch trying to ascend up thru its body when i caught sight of zelda and my throat got a little tight. life truly is so textured

lol these treasure hunting bros are here. thank you for telling me exactly how to solve the puzzle! what is this skyward sword (sorry skyward sword)

most of my complaints re: tears of the kingdom center on botw exhaustion - that i'm sort of tired of the map and have no more joy of exploration anymore after 100%ing such an enormous game (almost twice - on the first file i did everything except the korok seeds, but i got enough to max out my inventory i think). but every once in awhile i will come across an area that looks totally and completely innocuous and get incredibly tense out of nowhere. and sure enough in a minute i will remember, "a guardian used to be here," or "a lynel used to be here." it takes a minute, but i do remember! and even knowing they aren't here anymore, it's a little hard to relax. if i were ever to play botw again*, i bet i would feel the same way about areas that have hands now lol. (*highly unlikely given the previously mentioned botw exhaustion - maybe in many years after some other zeldas have come out for me to chew on! i highly doubt i'm going to replay totk either. as much as i love it, this is It. inevitably though there will be dlc so this runthrough won't be my only time playing it Ever)

ANYWAY i have to take a break now to do stuff and idw this post to be really long again. so.

[hunters-hairnoodle]

Hey

This is my first post ever and ig technically a rant post but idrc. None of you know who I am and that’s okay. I just occasionally have these days where my mind breaks. I survive each day and then it builds up until eventually there’s a night where I just burst. Tonight’s that night. I have no one to talk to this about. If I talk to my friends they won’t understand or won’t know what to do. My sister, maybe but unlikely. My mom is part of the issue and my dad would never understand. He’d just console me and act like that’s that, problem solved. Or he’d bring up fucking Jesus and make me pray over it, when I’m honestly fucking done with religion. 

The days themselves are fine, they’re fine ig. I mean little issues here and there but overall it’s fine. But i get to these nights and realize that it’s not all fine and that there’s a lot of fucking problems, but I can’t do anything about it. I’m a teenager, I don’t have money or can legally drive. Besides running away or suicide my options are limited. 

This is gonna sound so stupid to some people, and people will make fun of me for it cuz teenagers are demons who harvest on despair and anguish, but I’m just so worried that I can never be myself ever. At school it’s a facade. At home it’s a facade on who my mom wants me to be. I try to fit into it, but ik I’m fucking miserable. But whenever I am myself no one likes it. I become to weird or nerdy or annoying. And my mom hates it when I actually act like myself. I’ve broken free a little bit over the years, but overall I keep everything restrained. And she’s not a bad person, my mother, she’s just complicated. I can’t tell if she’s the issue or if I am. If I’m actually the bratty kid who’s complaining for no reason or if I have a legitimate reason to be upset. I can’t tell and I don’t know if I ever will be. 

On nights like these I go unnoticed by my family so I can wallow in pity alone. For some reason I can’t explain whenever anyone sees me crying or upset or having a panic attack or needing to rant I stop immediately. I listen through the walls as I cry to hear any movement. As soon as I hear any and hear my mother open her bedroom door to go to the bathroom i immediately stop and quiet myself. Just tonight while I was crying and breathing heavily and having a hard time thinking straight and acting normally I heard my mom talking to my sister. I stopped immediately and hid my phone since i knew she wouldn’t want me up. Just as I thought she walked into my room to say goodnight. I hid the crying sound from my voice as well as I could. For once she actually seemed concerned and asked if something was wrong. I was so tempted to tell her to be able to rant and cry to her, but I couldn’t. Because the problems are either her or me being gay and non-binary or just people at school. And whenever I share I’m always bad at it and don’t know how to describe it and get frustrated with myself. Guess I’m better at typing it all out then saying it. Then she always ends up getting mad at me for extending her help and I hate myself more. 

It’s not she’s a bad person she’s just hard. She yells curses in the car all the time at other drivers, which Ik isn’t a big deal but when you’ve been at school all day and just want some peace you’re hearing yelling. She’s also very judgemental of other people. She judged everyone by class and looks and their behavior. And it’s to an excessive degree. I think this may have caused me to feel the way I do about myself rn. She never says anything to me specially, but that’s when I act the right way. When I actually act like myself and wear what I want and look how I wish she judges me. Even if she doesn’t say anything directly I can tell by the way she looks and the way she responds with a tight voice. And the issue is whenever I vocalize any of these either what happens is above or she levels it down to me being a teenager and acting like a teen, therefore making my feelings not matter. That’s probably why I’m questioning if I have the right to be upset rn.

She’s also like a feminist which is a bad thing but it’s in a toxic way. Like every single man is bad boo. And then she’s hypocritical in the sense because she’ll hold men by the stereotypes but then changing her mind when it doesn’t benefit her. It’s hard to explain, but that’s the gist of it. For example we watched Hamilton together and she was complaining that there were no women in it (we hadn’t gotten to Schuyler sisters yet) she complained about how they have color blind casting and all that but why women couldn’t play these roles. I explained that it has to do with voice parts since usually AFAB and AMAB people have different sounding voices. She huffed and puffed at this. Throughout the thing she would make me stop so she could learn about the women involved in it and then would just kinda talk shit about the dudes the whole time and making it this whole thing when it’s just a fucking musical about a founding father. And I just have a complicated relationship with it since I’m AFAB and non-binary it’s just hard. Cuz I’m a feminist just not in my moms sense of it. And she’s hypocritical with it. Like when we watched the Oscar’s this lady won for this feminist movie and she did a whole feminism speech thing and my mom was all here for it. But later on when black Panther won something and the lady made a speech about black power she changes the channel! And Ik she would do the same shit if it was a speech about LGBTQ stuff.

With LGBTQ it’s so fucking hard being a gay non-binary teen. I live in the south and everyone here is fucking toxic christian who just say they don’t support it and move on. Or if they accept me they don’t really. Or they just tolerate it. Ig you would call it lesbian non-binary technically. That’s what I am. I have a they/them pin on my backpack and beanie. But no one calls me the right shit. I can’t correct them cuz then they’ll look at me and we’ll talk and they’ll just think it’s weird and not care enough. And being gay is the fucking worse. I’m the odd one out and yeah I can joke about it but it gets hard. I take a lot of shit letting people joke about it. Even with the f slur. But I can’t say anything. I’m still seen as weird for it, tho I am one of the more accepted ones for it probably cuz I don’t make a big deal about it. I haven’t really dated anyone. Ik if I did or actually talked about how I liked girl I’d be see as weird and looked at funny. Even with girls I’m friends with theyll just single me out for it. Like when we’re joking around and their being silly straight girls, and I’m not even trying to join in, they’ll be like “well not you cuz you’re gay and I don’t want you getting the wrong idea.” And then whenever I actually try to share my opinion on gay shit and how it makes me feel it doesn’t even matter. What’s worst of all is one of my best friends doesn’t fucking accept me cuz she’s super Christian. I want to talk to her about it but I can’t I fucking can’t cuz she doesn’t agree. I get asked weird questions or I get asked why im like this. I just wanna be myself for fucks sake. Why can’t anyone get that?

Im out to the whole grade and im really starting to regret it. 

I forgot to mention that my parents are divorced. My dads basically a sex addict but pretends he’s not. He’s just weird with everything, I never know what to do around him. I don’t know exactly what happened to make me get where I am with him, but yeah. Oh and my parents hate each other and don’t hide it. I don’t mind it too much but I bet it has some affect on me. 

Ik if ever told my mom I was gay it wouldn’t go great. There are several possibilities for it. She would either tell me I’m not, tell me I don’t know yet, or pretend to accept me but not really and judge me for it. And the non-binary thing she would hate. She’d wonder why I don’t want to be a woman. She’d say I’m just a masculine girl. But Ik I’m not. I’ve thought for fucking months about that shit and being called a girl and SHE sounds weird and wrong and not me. If I told her my new name too she’d flip. She’d wonder what was wrong with the name she chose and why I don’t like it anymore. She’d take it as a personal offense. 

This just adds to the fact that I can never be myself. But I don’t even know if that’s a good thing. No one at school ever likes when I am. They talk down about the few times I was myself. But I don’t even know wtf that is. I think it’s a little bit of what I am now, but not fully. My mom doesn’t like when I act how I want to at all. And just so you know I’m not some rebellious teen trying to do drugs or something. I just want to vibe as myself fully and without bounds. Do the things I want to do and not hold back. Wear what I want, get my hair how I want. But I can’t. It’s not just them. I’m scared to. I’ve been told my whole life that this is what good successful people do and looking this way or that will get judged and people will think this about you (aka when my mom judges everyone on every little thing). And then if I can be myself maybe I’ll finally be happy. But Ik it won’t work cuz people at school will make fun of me behind my back. I don’t know why I have all these issues or if they’re even issues at all. Maybe I am just a bratty teen complaining about nothing. I feel as tho I should be happy cuz on the surface that’s what it should be. But I’m not. Cuz if this is what happiness is it’s shit. But I don’t even know what that feels like and idk if I ever will.

If you’ve come this far thanks for reading all this. You’ve indulged me for one of my annual “nights” where I break. Thanks. I hope you’re happy. 

[zoekrystall]

I will never not be at least a bit baffled how I never got into mcr. A friend can happily try to change that but I tried to for them but just. Could not get into it. By all means I should or child me should have but I guess it never aligned for me. Like yeah I like the black parade who doesn't but that's that.

Thought brought to you by listening to three days grace again and thinking abt all bands/artists I listened to in childhood bc life sucked.

I listened to three days grace a fuck ton I listened to human and one-x prob the most but also life starts now lots.

Also hollywood undead but only selected songs (medicine the most prob, next to kill everyone, and dead bite. less I don't wanna die, and save me)

Skillet but I don't really anymore at least the new stuff. I listened to all of rise a lot. freakshow, madness in me, and circus for a psycho, rise the most tho prob. album awake too, monster is such a known song. i think? i listened to the album comatose also a lot. mix of wanting to die while being lovesick ig.

Fall out boy too but more selective. the phoenix, my songs know what you did in the dark, this ain't a scene it's an arms race, twin skeletons (hotel in nyc)

Grounbreaking a fuck ton the album we are monsters came out when I got snatched from home and put somewhere that only caused more trauma for the first time and I could forever talk abt him I listen to everything since then.

Set it off too but not too many dif songs back then. midnight had such a tight grip on me and i still find the whole album such a banger but that came out in 2019.

Oh fuck almost forgot linkin park (i still think abt those dumb "link in park" edits w tloz link in a park help). who doesn't know at least in the end. listened to a few songs by them too. in the end is still such a banger.

idk does icon for hire count I think. I still follow them i listened to a lot of their stuff at night esp the albums scripted and you can't kill us.

I think those are all in this category that I have kind of a connection to artist wise and didn't just listen to a couple of songs. all others aren't such artists bc i also coped w love songs a fuck ton (and my lifeline who I thought abt when I did remains the same and prob will until i die) or other stuff

ofc i was and still am a marina girlie but that isn't in this category. electra heart fav album there prob.

others that either a i only listened to a few songs but the band/artist doesn't really mean anything to me or b the artist means smth to me but i don't think it's in the same category as the above ones. still only ones for coping (you could argue all music is but like. ones that got prioritized at night either bc comfy or ones that made me get to cry bc fuck was that hard to do thx to circumstances. only had some weekends at actual own home for that privacy). obv not every single song just if ik the band is/was popular or at least that song or if i liked it significantly enough back then.

Veridia. I listened to at the end of the world, pretty lies (nightcore ty for introducing), and crazy in a good way the most. but also disconnected and cheshire smile.

Some stuff from alec benjamin mostly as nightcore. paper crown, mind is a prison, must have been the wind (the most prob, hold wait what how 2020 that feels older, tech dismissed but whatev), outrunning karma, water fountain, i built a friend

Freaks from timmy trumpet and savage is a classic and I still freq listen to it it is such a banger ngl

Be somebody and the end is where we begin by thousand foot krutch. both well known and still rly good.

Someone finally buy me lost ember bc the song all that you are is extremely comforting since years

Simeon curtis's whole R△ album. Still listen to him often. also a fair amount of super 8-bit heart.

you're going down by sick puppies. don't got much to say i just know its popular and i listened to it a fair amount.

all the king's men by the rigs. have not listened to it in ages but it is rly pretty.

hey alice by rachel rose mitchell. still rly love this song sang it a lot and i do listen to the new stuff toom underrated artist imo.

idk why but spotify threw good for you from that dear evan hansen musical in my face years ago and it rly got me so. here. i love musical songs ngl and i mean. it is rly good. idk how the musical is idc.

OH MY GOD I FORGOT PAPA ROACH to be fair that is in the middle I mainly just cared abt some songs. like. getting away with murder and last resort.

panic at the disco prob belongs at the top but idc anymore I wrote too much. fuck urie i only care abt the past stuff and if i say i love it does it only apply to the good times. too weird to live too young to die and death of a bachelor my beloved. i listened to sm on death of a bachelor and still do.

landslide by oh wonder. oh my god. i found it through the wander over yonder fandom ages ago iirc. it is. so so so pretty and still makes me almost immediately cry. such a nice song and was much needed.

to keep the v v pretty. where butterflies never die by broken iris is rly pretty. i however inflicted emotional damage on myself mostly with a new hope which I still canNOT fully listen to ages later without an emotional reaction.

ofc i also know wonderwall by oasis but i don't think it ever hit me as much as it did for others

king and lionheart n also mountain sound by of monsters and men. still rly love mountain sound.

just. a lot by nickelback. i still like the songs or at least some of it. the ones i listened to the most back then were holding on to heaven, don't ever let it end, if everyone cared, just to get high, if today was your last day (i think one of the first ones i heard, thx to a sonic x amv out of all possibilities sjsk)

boy like me by new medicine made me embarrassingly sad. i just remember making a bath so hot my skin gets red turning my love playlist on w these songs and zoning out weekly.

omg right lots of songs by madame macabre. mostly god syndrome, the pianist, cybernetic entities, balloon animals iirc.

also like just lots of others as nightcore or vocaloid songs I'm forgetting. like echo for example.

i listened a lot too dreams of an absolution too from sonic 06. still one of my favs idk if i used it for neg or pos.

maps by kurt hugo schneider n others the i think? cover? is so pretty i listened and sang it a lot in the night. still one of my favs.

imagine dragons w their old bangers monster, i bet my life, etc. ofc too. hate how they're nowadays.

only one by illenium was such a comfort song god. v pretty. can't listen to it while doing stuff. idk if it is more directed towards my back then bff or my other lifeline.

oh right halsey. i listend to gasoline so damn much. also to castle and control occasionally.

i was also obsessed with i miss the misery by halestorm

omg right. you're so creepy by ghost town. i still kinda like it it is so edgy. lil me was way more obsessed.

don't you dare forget the sun n keep myself alive by get scared. i still rly like them.

one for the money by escape the fate

Appalachian wine by eleventyseven is still rly pretty

Until we die by daïtshi

dance with the devil by breaking benjamin

this is gonna hurt by sixx:a.m.

and way way more if I would've moved the cut off year up but I wanted to focus early years not when I was v close to being an adult

to end this my all time comfort song I often cried myself to sleep with forever ago is fallen angel from panty and stocking. dreams dreams (adult vers not the kids thx) from nights journey of dreams was also a rly big one. in the name of love but only alexander stewart's cover was also rly comforting in the night and still is. only know a nightcore of it.

[marvin-trilogy-song-tournament]

Tournament song list!

I think I have everything, but if their any that I missed, or put 2 of, or there's 2 sings that are like. ambiguous (ik there's some songs in in trousers that the name just got changed) but if yall could let me know that would be super duper helpful!

list below the line!

In Trousers 1985

In Trousers

I Can't Sleep

A Helluva Day

I Have a Family

My High School Sweetheart

I Swear I Won't Ever Again (Part 1)

I Swear I Won't Ever Again (Part 2)

I Swear I Won't Ever Again (Part 3)

Wedding Song

3 Seconds

Wedding Song (Part 2)

I Feel Him Slipping Away

Marvin's Giddy Seizures (Part 2)

I'm Breaking Down

Packin' Up

Another Sleepless Night

Good Night (No Hard Feelings)

In Trousers 1979

Marvin's Giddy Seizures

How the Body Falls Apart

Your Lips and Me

My High School Sweetheart

Set Those Sails

My Chance to Survive the Night

Am Wearing a Hat

How Marvin Eats His Breakfast

A Breakfast Over Sugar

Whizzer Going Down

High School Ladies at Five O'Clock

The Rape of Miss Goldberg

The Nausea Before the Game

Love Me for What I Am

How America Got Its Name

Your Lips and Me (Reprise)

Marvin Takes a Victory Shower

In Trousers (The Dream)

March of the Falsettos/Act 1 Falsettos

Four Jews in a Room Bitching

A Tight-Knit Family

Love is Blind

The Thrill of First Love

Marvin at the Psychiatrist (A 3-Part Mini-Opera)

My Father's a Homo/Everyone Tells Jason to See a Psychiatrist

This Had Better Come to a Stop

I'm Breaking Down

Please Come to My House/Jason's Therapy

A Marriage Proposal

Trina's Song

March of the Falsettos

Trinas Song (reprise)

The Chess Game

Making a Home

The Games I Play

Marvin Hits Trina

I Never Wanted to Love You

Father to Son

Falsettoland/Falsettos act 2

Falsettoland/It's About Time

Year of the Child

Miracle of Judaism

The Baseball Game

A Day in Falsettoland/Racquetball

The fight

Everyone Hates His Parents

What More Can I Say

Something Bad is Happening/ More Racquetball

Holding to the Ground

Days Like This

Canceling the Bar Mitzvah

Unlikely Lovers

Another Miracle of Judaism

You Gotta Die Sometime

Jason's Bar Mitzvah

What Would I Do?

Falsettoland (Reprise)