#ik all the mutuals say im so nice and that they like me but theres always a lingering fear i think. im rlly not that nice and thats scary | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

whoreishghost · 1 year ago

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hi anon, i just want to say, this has nothing to do with what you said, but this whole topic and a related conversation got me thinking about stuff that i did want to post about. ik like all my mutuals are trans and uk based but im kinda annoyed and i like to write and get attention so here we are. parties, events, raves, etc are not really the primary way we trans people 'crowdfund' our transitions, we use the internet! primarily gofundme, but also a lot of other of other platforms that we all know of. i've made a gofundme, lots of people have made gofundmes. and like a lot of people, my gofundme failed. and thats kind of what i want to talk about?

(i live in the uk so im not gonna talk about anywhere else. yes, the rest of the worlds trans population *also* uses crowdfunding, but i dont have that experience. thanks!)

i live in the uk and the gics in the uk are how trans people are *meant* to transition. it takes years and people are dying. a lot of people are dying and really, thats probaby intentional honestly, but lets not say the quiet part out loud rn. so if waiting however many years it is now (for reference the biggest gic is currently seeing people referred in nov 2018 which is 5 years ago and they offered only 61 appointments last month:/) you might want another option. if you already know other trans people (who have been out a while/are older than you/are on hrt themselves) theres a good chance they can help you out with diying and this is a good option (ps are u in the uk and want to go on hrt but the gic/ur gp is super mean to u? dm me, i can help:3). but what if thats not your situation, or maybe you're looking for surgery? then you can go to one of our extremely overpriced private gender clinics! or a slightly less overpriced gender clinic abroad!

but also, ur trans, so u probably dont have money (statistically speaking, i mean) and that makes these £300 an appointment clinics to diagnose u as transgender when frankly you coulda told the guy that yourself a bit out of your reach. and you havent even gotten mones yet! let alone any surgery, if you wanted that. so you do what you see everyone else doing: you set up a gofundme, post it on twitter or tumblr or instagram or all three and you pray that people will be nice to you. thats where it all kind of falls apart.

crowdfunding is not about being nice. in very much the same way that the raise funds through a party are only possible through social status, crowdfunding is kind of the same. you can only successfully crowdfund if you have a lot of followers, and the *right* kind of followers. are your followers trans/allies? are they in a position to donate in quanities that will make an actual difference (because if youre going for sugery, youre not asking for a small amount)? will your followers spread the gofundme on? can your followers spread it on to other people who will donate/spread it on? are you in an in group maybe? also, are you hot and socially cool? did you make it big online? not really big necessarily, but a couple hundred followers to a couple thousand and at least a couple hundred have to be active.

in short, its a popularity contest. theres really not much more you can say than that. and while online, it doesn't skew so heavily towards White Trans Masc Top Surgery gofundme, that being said, you can't discount the transmisogyny, racism, classism, ableism and just plain old aesthetics that play a role in whos gofundmes achieve their goals. i did ok w mine, i got just under a 7th of the way there which isnt bad in all honesty given my teensy tiny online presence. i had some bigger users as mutuals on twitter at the time which helped me out, but even then even with everything working for me, it wasnt enough. thats the nature of a popularity contest: most people *have* to lose it.

and a lot of trans women (far, far more eloquently than me, mind you. go read whipping girl by julia serano if you havent already or hot allostatic load you can click on those words the link is there!) have spoken about the fact that they are often forced out of trans spaces and forced to make their own spaces with far fewer resources. this is especially true of disabled trans women and trans women of colour. these women are more likely to live in poverty and not be able to even set up the gofundme in the first place let alone have the social network to achieve the end goal of that gofundme. i dont really want to speak over people here, i am a white trans masc with housing and technically income i am on hrt i have gotten top surgery im even in the nhs gic! so if someone wants to add on here and speak from a more experienced and knwowledgeable perspective i'd really appreciate that.

the point i want to make is even when we try and equalise the opportunities for people to get healthcare, we aren't doing that in crowdfunding. its a popularity contest to its very very core.

NOTE: UK PEOPLE WHO NEED HRT, DM ME!!!!!!!!

re the top surgery parties thing I think it’s cute I used to kind of be against them before I made more transgender friends / early transition (hadn’t started t yet) but it’s nice to support each other idk

no i do agree w u on that, its v cute and im not necessarily knocking it as something fun. though as an aside i do think its funny that u say early 'in ur transition' as i came out publically in 2017 (and online in 2014) and ive been on t since early 2019 but thats another point all together.

what i mean more is the social status u need to be able to do one of these events at all leaves a bad taste in my mouth. its a popularity contest essentially and in a community where the 'least popular' are dying and brutalised far more than the 'most popular' its a bit grotesque almost? idk. maybe i am bitter, i think thats a fair way of seeing my response to them. but given that the majority of the people *i* (note: me, personally) have seen fundraising through these events are white trans mascs who are fundraising for top surgery in their early 20s i think its fair to see where i am coming from (please note: tumblr user kankum is a white trans masc in her early 20s).

the point is was making in maybe not the best way, is that there is a certain amount of pre-existing social standing you need to have to even broach this as an idea. and white trans mascs are simply more likely to have it. we are less likely to be ostracised from our communities, live in such poverty we cant access community spaces like raves, and more likely to know organisers for music venues and djs than other members of the trans community. it is a cute and fun community centred way of helping trans ppl but it is mostly helping those who are at the top as is, or so i see it anyway.

EDIT: also, um, not to be rude, but do you think i dont have trans friends?

#kankum #hope u dont think this is me knocking u anon this has nothing to do w u #just thought it was a good continuation from what id said before #also pls feel free to rb and ADD TO THIS!#and if anyone wants me to clarify lmk:)

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unlunart · 4 years ago

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quick little pinned because boundaries are good!

hi! i’m luna, 23, queer (unlabeled-ish) person from germany. i don’t mind any pronouns, you can have fun with it! my brain is rotted all the way through with dream smp and mcyt content and i spend a lot of time on twitch, but apart from that i like to play mc, draw, write and make music. also big into politics but dw it won’t rly come up here, just as a heads up!

i’m just vibing and yeeting out my dumbass takes about dream smp canon. ik it means a lot to people but it’s just a block game roleplay, no need to start fights with real people over made up block men. if you don’t agree with something i say, feel free to unfollow and (soft) block, i don’t mind and will do the same, let’s all keep our safe space nice and happy!

please don’t repost my art unless specifically stated on the post (i.e. when i make memes or reaction pics. feel free to save and repost those to your heart’s desire). this also goes for my art account @unlunart and respective twitter and tiktok pages, i will be reposting content from there without credit because it’s mine, not to invite you to do the same.

im of age but i’m just not into nsfw and especially not in this fandom where half the ccs are younger than me. if theres a lot of that stuff on your blog i simply won’t follow!

i’m not comfortable with fanfiction of real life people, and i don’t tend to read about the characters either because with the nature of dsmp acting many characters and their personalities are close to the cc’s, which is just a bit uncomfortable for me. feel free to read, write and post whatever you want, of course, i’m glad if this is something you enjoy!! it’s just not for me, so please don’t expect or ask me to read these things. it’s just personal preference!

please have some nuance, you can expect the same from me. i may joke that i’m a character ‘apologist’ but me enjoying someone’s writing, acting or interactions doesn’t reflect my morals nor would i genuinely excuse some of the things these characters do. this honestly goes for creators as well, i’m not a fan of unnecessary discourse and negativity. let’s just watch some hasanabi and calm down, yea?

i hope none of this came off as too harsh, that all being said, never hesitate to send me asks, im me, reply to my posts, etc! no matter whether we’re mutuals or haven’t spoken before, this is how you start a convo and become friends! i promise i am chill !! that’s it have some ponk before u go

#pinned post #also just as a disclaimer i talk a lot in tags lol <3

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niteview · 4 years ago

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Send this to blogs anonymously and ask them to ship their moots with monsta x :)

okay hi!!! i know my mutuals that have gotten this ask have done this so im also just gonna (platonically) ship my moots if that's cool! just in case not everyone is comfy w/ being romantically paired w/ someone :'')

shownu: i think i have to agree w/ mädch on this one vic (@softhyungkyun) nd shownu are besties now!!! 🥰 theyre both v chill..(seemingly) unbothered a lot of the time (i wish that were me 😔)..they're slightly chaotic in their humour at times lol but u also cant not admire that abt them in a way?? it's part of their charm!!! i wholly think they'd make great friends :P

wonho: im gonna go w/ yoelin!!! (@choiseok1 ) there's smth kinda neat abt putting these two together bc yoelin was one of the first friends i made here & ive known wonho the longest in mx..i just think these two would make great friends??? yoelin has this rlly chill energy & i think it would compliment wonho nicely, they're both rlly sweet. iirc she also LOVES cats so she could meet yeoreum nd bom then <3 also idk if ive said ever this but she was one of my mutuals who was rlly there for me for those months w/o him; so i think he would be there for her like she was for me..she'd deserve it 🥺

minhyuk: okay i have two bc 1) u cant have too many friends & 2) he's mbbs bff ofc he'd have multiple answers :'')

i tried not to think abt biases at all here but alex (@korimi4 ) deserves a minhyuk in her life <3 someone who will be supportive but also rlly Fun to be around?? they both have a lot of creative outlets so i can see them making art together!!!! and as much as he can be a sunshine, he needs that love back too!!! so i know alex would give back just as much as he gives :]

i also have to say chelle!! (@2bosoos ) one of my most creative moots and one of the most creative ppl on the entire platform tbh so ofc i'd pick min, the most creative member of mx!! i think he'd LOVE to see her stuff be it her cool sets or listen to her big-brained-bebe theories the most!!! she's also rlly supportive of cc's here nd in her tags she's v energetic idk i think it would be a cool dynamic :'')

kihyun: okay maybe this is a bit of an..odd one maybe im completely wrong i think amy (@minhyukie ) & him could be friends?? imo he's the member that has the most of his shit together/lh & he always wants to help (he's the most active in the fc i think, he always has advice!) & miss amy always seems ready to help too!!! ive talked to mädch abt this lol but there have been times where she's asked for cc help & before i can type smth amys already there!!! i feel like ki isnt always patient lol but he can learn from her (that mx masterlist hello? that probably took FOREVER) & idk i think he can be someone to help her out for a change he'd be a rlly supportive friend :'')

hyungwon: maybe a lil unexpected but im gonna say rae!!! (@wonhoseokkie ) ik rae leads a busy life & wonnie is all abt taking his time ('it's okay to go slow' and all that), but theres a method to my madness here!!! i think he'd be a great listener, & he always seems to know what to say at all times; he's so thoughtful so i think he could offer her advice if she needed it. also i love it when rae comes into my inbox to rant or rave abt anything & everything so ik he'd listen to that too 😁💖

jooheon: okay mädch (@kyunsies ) paired me w/ joo & tbh this is just a ploy so that we can all be besties together <3 fkdjfjsj no but she & honey have this way of being friends (and great friends at that!) w/ a whole lot of different ppl nd personalities??? so i think they'd hit it off easily <3 also i feel like mädch & i never run out of things to talk abt i think it would be the same w/ him!!! :D theyre both loyal friends and i just know he'd always be supportive & quell any worries or doubts she may have abt things <3

changkyun: kyun was the most difficult to match idrk why..i think i'll say bee (@sohcean ) :o!!! hyungkyun are alike to me in that they always seem to know just what to say, & in their thoughtfulness, and bee is just that!!!!! they both write the most beautiful letters and while u know it's from the heart u also know that every word is painstakingly chosen..i think they'd bounce ideas off each other beautifully!!!! everything that kyun nd bee write are also v. comforting?? so i'd rlly hope they could be a comfort to each other !!!! :'')

@ any of u feel free to tell me why im wrong <3

#answered #anonymous #IM SORRY THIS IS LATE #also i feel like im not the best mutual to ask this bc 1) im horrible at keeping up w/ ppl #& 2) i simultaneously chronically overthink nd dont think things thru dkdjfkdks #like i also feel like i forgot everything i know abt mx when i got this fjjdjfkskd #but n e ways lmao i hope u all r having a great day nd that u've had a great weekend!!!!! :'')

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stray-tori · 4 years ago

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An Innocent Sin & the good gay flashback ft. my descent into madness

I wasn’t sure if I should post this but I mostly want it archived so here we go. This is from like,, September?

So. “An Innocent Sin” is a dumpster fire unlike anything I’ve ever seen. I don’t remember why I decided to read it. maybe I was crazy. Either way... I read it. It soon started to touch upon (very very outlandish) sexual abuse which I thought was interesting. (the angst, not so much some of the wack circumstances surrounding it)

ANYWAY. at some point... we have a flashback. And not just that. It has a gay character.

And it turns rly gay. which mind you, is still in a het smut manwha (that has a “gay” side couple, but still!)

And it destroyed me.

For those who want to read it because I genuinely think the flashback is a decent bit, it’s all the bonus chapters between chapter 77 and 78 I think. There’s a part before that too, but idk where exactly anymore. (It’s on lezhin! or your platform of choosing)

I don’t THINK you’ll need any other knowledge to get the flashback bit? but it’s been a while.

Below the cut (rip mobile users), you can read all of my amazing reactions (all of these were text messages, for context - but I took most of the replies and convos about other things out). Post is also tagged as long post. :))

(i’m serious, this is fucking long)

__________

Here I am. Liking the gay flashback character. Feck. Main dude is still straight but idk it's cute pff

This is a mess. The girl white hair likes, likes black hair, maybe, but thinks white hair is attractive

What just happened is sth I'd like to know too pff He's so cute tho omg. Watch me melt Can we stay in this flashback before everything got perverted af and before white hair gets assaulted all the time I would send an eyebrow emote if I could Context: he's asking he says it again

Ik it's not mutual but loookkk he's so sweet. He's kinda rude in present time, can't we stay in this flashback forever

I never asked for gay, never expected gay but I got gay

This story is trash why am I still reading it shdhhd

He caught his mom cheating. And now she's forcing him to watch??? What is thissss Well adoptive mom But still sudhdidu what Bitch how dare YOU exist

Save my babyyyy

Yay sister that's not yet a rapist to the rescueee

This flashback is actually just nicer in every way let's just stay here This is a super long flashback btw Idek anymore what triggered it

Okay I think I'm gonna make the sensible decision and let this dumpster fire rest and just go sleep

It was very wild. I kinda wanna see white hair get therapy but it has 90 chapters and I'm at like 30... So I'm very concerned this is gonna be very dragged out. Idek if it's even finished ahahsududi - but I do kinda wanna see where it goes and see more cute Noah (white hair) so. Here we are.

yeahhh like i was down for the sexual abuse angst but then the mother killed the adoptive son's mother bc the dad had a thing for her?? and it was someone a person studying with white hair knew and so he's investigating and I'm like how did this turn into a crime organisation kind of plot

hhhhhhh i... i appreciate these horny things also tackling abuse but it always kind of gives me weird vibes to have both, especially when its very horny. And when people are horny to people who've been abused. Idk but I'd assume... you might try NOT to tie them up if they're frequently bondaged during their assaults. I'm just.... disjdksdj hello?? am i weird?? why are they fine with it???

also this manwha is so wild, theres this murder mystery investigation thing and then theres just a couple doing honry stuff sprinkled in between and i'm like OKAY

they rescued a guy in their basement and he's understandably very traumatized and they're trying to question him cut to our main couple trying bondage which i still dont understand bECAUSE HE'S A RAPE VICITM WHY ARE YOU OKAY WITH THIS the ones questioning arent the main couple of course but idshkjds

like im glad he's somehow okay with all this horny stuff despite his trauma and im glad he can be happy and have a nice relationship but DO WE NEED THIS MUCH OF IT he's very cute tho

i like that even when i try other stuff lezhin recommends me it still has large amount of gay in it

[mei: i mean... that's pretty great, if you ask me]

I mean I agree, I'm enjoying the gay eheheh these tonal whiplashes there's not even that much white space between the panels fhjd nvm it just turned horny goddamn it can there be 1 chapter without fucking? okay, there were the flashbacks

WE ARE BACK IN FLASHBACKS but im not getting the gay relationship, sad

OH WAIT AM I GETTING GAY COMFORT bc thats very good too

OH NNOOO this turned sad very quickly

I'M SORRY IM SPAMMING BUT THIS IS JUST ANGSTY

I'M :((((

different species confirmed

I rly like them :((( I like the current girl too but it's just..... very horny with her. the flashbacks are nice [current tori edit: she’s very unloyal idk why i said I liked her] im weird HHHHH RIPPP

someone help him he looks so saddddd

not sure if thats the most healthy relationship but I'LL TAKE IT

AWWW black hair's mom cooks mild food for them bc Noah can't eat spicy food :((( im soft

PFFF

I LOVE THE FLASHBACKS :(((

awww

i feel like theyve done much more bonding than noah's current relationship. I mean yes I think its cute when she comforts him, too, but they rarely do anything besides be horny together

OH OH THEY'RE KISSING

best buildup, honestly

the position is hornier than I'd like later here goes hope it stays cute

D-did someone just respect the word "stop"??? I am amazed

i think you might uh. have some trauma stuff too so yknow

Dohye is a little dramatic in his reassurance but it's all rly cute so I'm :(( I like them a lot pls stay like this getting invested in flashbacks is always like: ik it wont stay but pls stay like this

hELP

chapters ending in "i wanna touch him" is never good. I'm scared. Oh okay he didnt do anything. PHEW. He's already better than the girl, can't they just end up together lmao

[Noah was jealous]

w-why do you look so evil dohye haukdhjs

oh. oh no. the horny is starting. pls dont... just be cute forever

DOHYE NO YOU WERE SO DECENT WHY ARE YOU LYING ABOUT KOREAN TRADITIONS TO GET HIM TO DO STUFF HORNY STUFF TOO NO PLS STOP I JUST- WHEEE TvT the manwha is actually less visually horny in the flashbacks but im not sure if its bc its BL which isnt rly the genre of the manwha or if its bc they're still kids basically, which... I'd respect the latter, tho I'd prefer it to be like this constantly haha

okay. he's not respecting stop anymore, but it's also more of embarrassed nature more than "no i dont want this stop" so maybe i can forgive it. Still losing points, but he hugged him and it was sweet so HHHHHHHHHHH NOT SURE HOW I SHOULD JUDGE THIS SITUATION

They [Noah’s family] forbid him to visit his friends house I AM DEVASTATED

understandable they're a rapist, a fucked up murderer mother and a father with a thing for younger women so

tho he dont know any of that but yknow he's so pretty just fucking end me on the spot

hooo

they are boyfriends and ik from the future that his sister is gonna ruin it allll she has those drugs that make visual imaginations feel like they rly happened to the person (dont know if thats real but holy fuck its terrifying) and she's used it before to say that Noah assualted her. and im pretty sure shes gonna use it again bc there was a panel of Noah remembering Dohye being uhhhh intimate with her and thats why Noah began to hate him and im so sad im not ready for it. bc he's denied it in the future and i honestly couldnt see it happening even before that or she drugged Dohye, i guess thats a possibility too

[current tori: oh girl, it’s neither and it’s wack]

which if, btich you gonna die even more enough rambling, more reading. this makes me so sad but also spicy

on the manwha note, he thinks Noah doesnt like his family bc he's adopted and doesnt feel comfy which....... fair enough i suppose. and he's so cute im gonna melt just looK AT THIS

SHUt UP, IM GONNA CRY

OH MY GODDDD he ate like ice and gum and all that, and Dohye assumed it was bc of the more spicy food and got rl worried, but he was just trying to get the smell out of his breath bc he wanted to kiss him ukhsdjs HOW CAN YOU BE SO CUTE HELLLOOOOOOOOO

look at them. LOOK AT mY BABIESSSS

how am i ever gonna care about the main couple again aww he-he wanted to go to the same highschool as him :((( im sad bc i know its not gonna happennnnnn

[mei: also at this point, you're literally never gonna care about them. i don't even know the main couple that well and i honestly don't care about them whatsoever.]

WAIT NO they're actually going to the same school awww ik it wont take long until sister fucks it up for them but for now theyre so sweet ohmygodddd

cant he move in with them, fuck his family honestly

dohye he's not a fucking pokemon iukhsdjs

oh. its. turning horny i am displeased with this development but i guess its natural for their relationship however COULD YOU DO IT AT HOME AND NOT IN SOME DUSTY SMALL ROOM how do ppl do this i like that the comments too are just "... is anyone still carng about the other girl?" sakjds

this is the best 3 panels in existence.

h-he just took your hand dohye idk what to tell you

[mei: "you blush at everything i do" god if that isn't me, idk what is]

awww its cute dohye is getting bonus points bc he invited Noah over while his mom wasnt home, they watched some sexual stuff and he DIDNT try to do anything what is this where can i get more of this

"well im not okay"

MY BABIESSSS

they still didnt do much btw they're just kinda exploring and its honestly nice TvT I dont want this to ever endddd

[Dohye sees Noah’s sister and approaches her] N O

N OOOO

this is the starttttt of something.......... TERRIBLEEEE

:((( babyyyy

I AM EMO

Noah was drugged im sure. hes having dreams and waking up in pain and the sister is asking doyhe over I DONT LIKE THISSSSSSS OH HE DECLINED

OKAY OKAY he saw him with her again but it was from behind and im not sure if it rly happened??? oh no this is terrible. Noah :((( poor child

i am so emo about this

[reminder he’s been abused TvT]

[the sister: “Don’t you want to know why?”]

i will. murder someone he called to ask her to delete his number btw what is this manwha but this is just gonna make it that more tragic when whatever happens that breaks them apart :(((

he's such a good bf but Noah just wont TELL him his side I'M SO SAD

I AM SO SAD

It cant end im actually tearing up nooo you were so cuteeee and happpyyy

[*sister is telling dohye to come to the gym hall*]

what else is she gonna do she already teared [current tori: ahem... T O R E] them apart THAT'S NOT DOYhE. THATS NEVER HIM. OH MY GOD. is it a look alike??? damn, she's dedicated to just. ruining it, huh

I’M

I’M SO SAD

now he's switching SCHOOLS NO NOOOOO how will i ever find happiness againnnn NO they're misunderstanding further they're not talking properly i mean i get it but oh my god

I'M :(((

NO NOOOO pls make up in the future at least omg he tried to clear it up tooo ahhh i dont even have hopes for them getting back together but i just i want them to clear it up im crying first manwha to make me cry and it's this dumpster fire ahaha maybe a little too bc it kinda hit a little close to home i guess but goddamnn ittttt they were so cuteee and so happy and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OH NO. Noahs getting drugged and assaulted. And he's realizing it happened before, he just forgot. I am. so sad it's not horny drawn either which i appreciate but MY HEART NO

N O DONT YOU DARE MAKE THIS WORSE

Im. gonna cry more

Doyhe kept an eye on him im so emo :(( but he thought he was doing well enough and gave up.... Im im so sad no i want you to make up and get back together its all just a stupid........... MEHHHH will i ever find sth like this flashback again

[mei: p-probably not, no]

i am so devasted i dont even wanna go back to the main couple just fucking. i want this relationship back :(((( but i guess the investigation might end up somewhere so hhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhh the baker manwha had a similar flashback feeling so. i just gotta find more of that haha

BUT THIS WAS SO SAD??? im so emo

[Dohye got kidnapped // the flashback commentary stops here but I think my descend into madness is pretty funny too]

OH YEAH THAT HAPPENED. THE FLASHBACK WAS SO LONG I FORGOT. NOOOO SAVE HIM. JESUS CHRIST PLS JUST ONE GOOD THING

its. actually rly smart to have another, more focused on them flashback, before the arc where he gets kidnapped by the rapist murder household so. good job. from a meta perspective but also NO but also. maybe theres hope for them making up at least after all :(((

[main couple kissing] this is. very weird now. but im glad he has someone, he deserves it but dohyeeeee

and switching to sex, YET AGAIN now i wanna see this EVEN LESS THAN I DID BEFOREEEE it's even.... a threesome now with one of the other characters why are you like this why can't you be. like in the flashback i am so upset HAHHHHH WHEEEZEEEE

I am just stop fucking jesus christ PLEASE I DONT WANNA SEE IT ANYMOREEEEE

im just stop the horny pls just tell me who that new guy is and why doyhe likes him so much

[mei: this manwha is a fucking mess but at least we got your lovely commentary out of it]

dhsuksj thanks i feel honored at least i got cute BL out of it before everything went [back] to shit

[mei: THAT TOO]

[...]

tbh im getting kinda mad about doyhe... i dont... feel like he'd just fall instantly for a guy who looks like Noah... but eh not my character

i just want closure for dohye at this point, fuck everything else ... not literally pls theres already too much of that

pls get it together for like 1 chapter is the investigation even still happening i am so confused save dohye plEASE wait what i have less than 10 episodes left Dont tell me this shit isnt even wrapped up yet

[Dohye is having a breakdown over the Noah double not coming to see him anymore]

yeah i this... doesnt feel like Dohye... at all... Even when Noah was rejecting him he was just kind of... taking it with some humor and maybe he was a little desperate and risky sometimes but... oh well... i do want him to get better but... im having a hard time believeing this development??? he never seemed overly anxious or anything. but who knows what else they did to him. Sister can still go fuck off tho

[...]

i mean. i liked the flashbacks a lot honestly??? it stayed simple and focused on the dynamics and less trying to balance smut with murder plots

[dm partner: NO THAT'S WHAT I MEAN LIKE CLEARLY THE AUTHOR CAN MAKE A GOOD STORY SO I'M JUST... CONFUSED AS TO WHY THEY DIDN'T STICK WITH SOME SOFT, FLUFFY BL ROMANCE MANWHA AND DECIDED TO MAKE WHATEVER THIS IS INSTEAD ]

okay i dont care bc dohye is currently getting assaulted nobody asked for this why i just. this is terrible. he was... so sweet. he doesnt deserve this. nobody does of course but jesus christ pls someone save him at least its not horny visually, one saving grace

ah... the assult is back to being depicted horny-ly thank you for nothing

[... removed some general confusion about the plot]

YES. SOME SHIP FOOD.

i am. suffering i mean i cant stop but GOD

okay so apparantly. the sister. has just an arsenal of people who look like other people Dohye, then Noah... and even Noah's GF??? this is ridiculous??

one good message

why

did you feel the need to add that [actual tired rage]

im gonna die this manwha is gonna kill me im laughing but im suffering oh hes arrested great and thats the end and the last update was in january of this year

why AS IN NOAH IS ARRESTED nobody who actually did anything is arrested What is this why is this AHHH I at least wanted the complete-ness of finishing this but now I'M JUST SUFFERING

[ mei: I MEAN TO BE FAIR I'D BE SUFFERING TOO BC JUST... WHAT THE FUCK I HAVE?? MANY QUESTIONS?? AND MANY CONCERNS BC THIS MANWHA IS JUST... AN EXPERIENCE ]

its an experience allright WELL

_______________

yup that’s it.

in my head, in a twist of events Dohye and Noah make up and are actual endgame. Something like that must exist out there but I won’t ask because it’d destroy the surprise and ruin the point.

That’s it.

Have a nice day.

#an innocent sin #dohye x noah #noah x dohye #long post #tori talks #tori has opinions #reactions #yes I do this often in our dms #poor mei #toriqueue

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cera444 · 3 years ago

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001

you know what im scared to be my own person, i dont think i know how to be it. my whole life my identity has been attached to someone, even my dad will say "oh youre like me, this is why you can't do xyz" and idk it's really sad. i don't have another word for it. i'm about to go to college and i don't know who i'm supposed to be there. when do i stop being my parents' daughter and start being who i am. like sex and partying and drinking, when do i get to enjoy this without feeling like a dirty, disgusting, ungrateful piece of shit. i never write my feelings, this is kinda therapeutic (thanks "i dont smoke"-mitski). ik i'll look back on this and cringe but oh well. and theres this stupid boy that i had this weird hallway crush on and im pretty sure it was mutual but its been so long that now its just awkward and ik his feelings have gone away and i cant help but feel stupid. i'm a logical person, i always knew his crush was ego driven but still. like why did i even let him see that. bc ik he'll grow up and marry a white woman and i feel like a stupid, curry bitch. this is quite an extreme feeling for something as minute as this but idc. you know what im such a bad person. im sarcastic and cold and mean even to the people that are so nice to me. idk what to do, and im always angry, it's my mother's anger, i know it. it's my worst fear actually--being like her. but everyday i come closer. maybe im my mother's daughter, even though i don't want to be. im supposed to be doing my ap bio lab report. i think my love language is compliments, i hate to admit it but i think it is. i love being complimented, i love being assured, i love hearing words even though i know they're useless sometimes. sometimes i think about the people closest to me and i think "wow they are some terrible people" im not a saint but wow some people are terrible and i really hate them. always colorist and racist and stupid. i wish i was super disciplined, i wish i listened to my parents when they yell at me and took their advice. i wish i didn't mope in self pity. i wish i didn't watch what everyone else does and do nothing for myself. i wish i had the confidence to dress myself. i wish i wasn't so manipulative. i wish those stupid colonizers had not set foot in india. i wish i was tall. i love gifts too. maybe im materialistic and superficial. maybe i don't care. listening to this mitski song makes me feel bad for people i've been bitchy to. i wish i wasn't cold all the time. i wish i didn't get headaches so often. whatever i hope no one sees this and thinks that, in some fucked up way, they want to be as mentally ill as me. it's not fun, it's so far from fun i swear. don't ruin your life for an "aesthetic" be grateful for everything that you have, half of the world probably doesn't have what you do.

#depression #lol #i wonder if anyone will see this and think about this--i doubt it #maybe in a couple of years i'll think i was being super dramatic

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kikisdeliveryservices · 4 years ago

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When you get this, you must publicly post something nice about at least 5 different people you follow, then copy and paste this in each of their ask boxes :^)

i also got this from @katsukes so im gonna include wat wouldve been my responses in this too!

also theres a strong possibility ppl have already received this message in their inboxes bc every1 is wonderful

@celiabowens - first, TY SO MUCH! truly its an honor to get this from u! can i also take a moment to hype u up w/ how talented & sweet u r? its such a treat to have u on my dashboard! ur a huge inspiration and hopefully i can get to ur level someday hahaha. im also really happy to follow u bc im trying to get back into reading & ik that ur into literature so i get to have a bunch of reading recs. plus seeing ur lit posts motivate me to expand my tastes & get back into reading :)

@katsukes - ian where do i even start! u interact w so many ppl & make this website really fun to be on. u reach out to a lot of ppl & spread much needed kindness. i feel like u put in a lot of effort to make every1 feel welcomed, which is so appreciated. the content u make for so many fandoms as well is stunning! u truly do a lot for tons of fandoms & i think were pretty blessed to have u on this site

@whisperhearts - ur really kind & a positive person, to the point where it compelled me to start interacting with ppl more on tumblr to try to also bring some kindness on this site. i also really admire ur gfx too bc of the way u use typography! aesthetic is A++. u also inspired me to try bullet journaling & actually keep up w/ it for once in my life lmao

@queerbucky - u help me bring out my creativity & motivation to make gifs! u always makes requests & im so happy to make them for u. as a content creator, when some1 does this it makes u feel special. i really appreciate u & how kind u r!

@wuatsui - since i came back to tumblr, ur some1 who made me feel really welcomed. i iniatially followed u on my anime blog, where u tagged me in a lot of get to know u posts. prior to this i rarely interacted with ppl, so having u wanting to get to know me felt nice! ur content & gifs r also A+! i especially like ur naruto gifs & seeing them on my dash is part of the reason why i started rewatching it :)

@mafuyuh - u have a really warm aesthetic & personality. i super enjoy seeing u interact with others bc ur so approachable. ur also very creative & everything u put out is honestly amazing & breathtaking. i would never in a million years think up the things u do! seeing u in my notifications is always a treat!

@zuura - ur someone who i followed on the more recent side, & i sorely regret not doing it earlier! when i see u reblogging things, u always have something positive to say. the world could really benefit from more ppl like u! also ur colorings r AMAZING. i feel like theyre always glowing & vibrant!

@arriettvs - ur a very sweet person! although we havent interacted extensively i feel like were kindred spirits :) ur content is remarkable. genuinely, i love seeing how u use typography in ur gfx & i love seeing the pretty colors u bring out in all ur gifs. u also follow all of my blogs which is extremely kind of u. also i hope this isnt weird but ur 1 of the few active followers on my photo blog so i try to reblog stuff i think u would like as well LOL

@yuuki-ko - ur work is super recognizable & i can tell whenever i c ur gifs on my dash. theyre always vibrant & stand out. also ik a lot of my mutuals follow u too & i can see why! u respond to every1 w such kindness! lastly, i love reading ur comments in the tags bc u seem so excited w/ a lot of stuff & it also makes me feel excited hahaha

@manganimae - first of all, ur URL is SO perfect & fun! my other social media usernames r also puns off of my name so when i first followed u & took a look at ur about i instantly fell in love w ur URL hahaha. i think ur also super creative to incorporate manga panels + gifs in ur edits :) additionally, its super fun to see wat new things u come up with! all ur ghibli gifs r so fun bc u color them in ways that i dont think ive ever seen before

@kiyomie - ur work amazes me every time i see it. u managed to create a look in all of ur edits thats specific to u, & thats a massive feat that i think is very hard to do, especially across different fandoms. ik that anon also sent u an accusatory message not too long ago, but i think u handled it very gracefully too, which i think is a huge comment on how mature & kind u r!

#celiabowens #ask

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lysiso · 4 years ago

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hi how are u :D any thoughts to share

im doing pretty okay :) and yes a few my brain is always full with stuff OR nothing at all theres no in between so get reaaaaaaddyy :D

I bought moldavite and i have it for two days now ik thats like nothing its only two days right but tbh i dont feel that much and was disappointed but its only two daaays also i really do think my life's on its way to be turnt upside down like i cant explain how i know but i mean it in a good way i feel like the coming few years are going go be so transformational. Why am i (are we) not able to see or meet aliens? i would LOVE to meet a kind nice friendly benevolent alien!!! How did humanity's "intelligence" get so far to the point of it being self destructive? isn't it weird like we came from lil fish in the sea.. to blabla... to blabla.. to homo sapiens... we became so intelligent that we invented all this stuff like technology and all that and yet we NEVER learn from history, ALWAYS repeat the same mistakes and are literally KILLING the earth and other people like isn't that crazy we've become so far... just to be our own destruction thats absolutely bonkers... Why am i so awkward around thid guy from work sure i may have a teeny tiny crush on him but damn get ur shit together right lmao.. WHY is it that when i mention it's been a while since i've smoked weed people offer to go to their place and i can have some but like.. no i want weed either for myself or for me and my friends like why do people suggest that i can come over if i want i barely know u, we are just colleagues why would i wanna get high w u idk u like that... also ur double my age you weird ass man why are u even offering. More importantly why isnt my CRUSH offering... sad... i miss weed, i miss hanging out w friends, i miss being extra w makeup and outfits, i truly hope corona wont be too bad next fall bc i got big ass travel plans (im so excited abt this wtf!!!!) and i really hope i can actually go to the countries i want.... it's literally my dream. Why is banana and chocolate such a good combo? Cote d'or is the BEST chocolate ever oh my GOD it's superior. Brooklyn 99 is so funny and so good. I say i dont have a phone/social media addiction but im literally on it the entire ffin day and it's keeping me from being productive. I hate when people talk abt body positivity but then make fat people feel guilty abt wanting to lose weight or actually losing weight. I want someone to *** ** *** so bad i've been so ***** ******. I should rly start attack on titan it looks really cool, i should finish kakegurui first tho. I really wonder if someone, anyone ever had a crush on me like literally aaaaanyone?? I cant wait to go TRAVEL NEXT YEAAAAAR. Why is my best friend so fucking bad at texting... like tbh some ppl are so ffin dry over text and they always always say "yeah lmao im rly bad at texting" like bitch wym how?????? u got all the emojis and u know popular vine/tiktok memes so???????? use them????? I would love some red wine rn. I love music, but i rly don't get how like.. earbuds work i truly dont like wym the music is transfered through little wires like how like what even is music? is it also made out of 0s and 1s i truly dont get it ALSO what the FUCK is wifi and other wireless tech? like how does that WORK??? i'm like starting to think we got the whole technology thing from aliens. People who don't believe that there's other life out there are so weird.. u cant possibly start to imagine how big this galaxy is let alone th universe and u dont think there's any other life out there?? dumb. omggg i. love. any. potato. dish. yuuuuuum!! I miss Gina in b99. I have quite a few mutuals on here that i've been following for YEARS i wish i could send them all a hug. I simply don't get how you could be okay with being such a shitty person that ur a BILLIONAIRE but u dont give to others.... i wonder why people even WANT to have so much money like... up to a certain extent sure like i do believe money Can make up happy but at a certain point u already have everything u want so literally why not.. save people from dying on the streets like this is so weird. I loveeeeee this tomato-basil bread i once made i cant forget it it tasted like... pizza bread omg yum

#there's a limit to how long a post can be now??? idgi why #im thinking zbt so much more #ask #how are u!!!!

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macklives · 5 years ago

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hey so this is gonna be a long-ish one. ive decided its been far too long since i did a session, and we did so many i can often forget what happened. i started in july and im pretty sure its been more than half a year now since this whole blog happened. and in that time, we’ve gone through 88 sessions and i want to know if i remember the relevant plot points and what we got up to in the last few sessions. a refresh/reminder if you would.

so i hereby commence my own little recap of act 5 because yeah no, its too much to do a recap of everything and i have andrew for that after every few acts. but i wanna refresh my mind on act 5 for now. so here we go.

1. alternia.. fucked up place. but its a place the trolls live on so what are we gonna do about it? overthrow the government? seems about right, lets do that with the next troll that gets introduced and if its not kanaya idk what andrew is doing by not having introduced the best troll yet. why the long wait? it was the second introduced? i honestly expected it to go in order when i first read act 5, because first we had karkat talk to jade which was the first new piece dialogue in the comic besides the main kids, but then we had kanaya with rose, which was followed by tavros, then terezi (iirc). so id assume we were following that order but nope karkat got fully introduced, then this random fucking juggalo called gamzee made its way into the comic. imagine my surprise.

2. theres been terminology throughout act 5, that i do not fucking know and will not remember and probably never will. like tf is a perigee again? i made a doc somewhere ill probably find it.

3. karkat’s introduction... short but very sweet. and by sweet i mean we got to know the depths of the angry edge lord. and by depths i mean karkat got angry at gamzee for typing in a way that he didnt like so he yapped like a chihuahua. nah, but seriously, i do like karkat tho, hes growing on me but only bc hes a bitch baby and his whole personality makes me want to mock him so thats the reason im not that annoyed and think hes funny, and the most harmless troll. even more so than tavros. and thats saying something. 7.5/10 bc im generous.

4. then gamzee... the high juggalo troll who has the worst typing quirk imo, i cannot for the life of me read it. but hes chill, i actually really like gamzee. hes funny and the least problematic as of right now. 8.5/10.

5. terezi’s introduction next i think. she likes playing as a lawyer with her stuffed dragons, ie by roleplay, shes blind, can see through licking, and she likes eating chalk, maybe its even nutritious. shes good. 9/10.

6. uhh in the process of these intros, there are teams being made? karkat joins gamzee and terezi in, i THINK, the red team?? bc terezi likes red?? could be wrong, i dont remember the teams except that its red/blue to represent sollux’s duality in those colors. terezi then tries recruiting AC but AC is like lol sorry i have to ask this friend of mine who has authority over me for some goddamn reason and terezi goes yuck tf i hate that guy................... yeah thats all we have on the teams. pretty sure sollux had smth to do with karkat about the making of the leaders, and they did the “i hate me” and the “no i hate me more than u hate u” or whatever the fuck that was. they got embarrassed afterwards and deleted their messages. im pretty sure they have no messages because everything ends up being mutually deleted so their logs are actually empty. ngl, kinda enjoyed their convos, made me appreciate their characters. i hope we get more because its good content. i also dont know what order this whole thing is in, who contacted who first? couldnt tell you. ill remember later on. and since im basing this off from memory alone, gotta deal with what i remember. uhhhh so yeah. we havent met all characters yet so the teams have not been officially decided but we got the bases, which is that.

7. god i found it, and the only thing im looking at right now is the terminology list i made and what the fuck?? what the fuck?? you miss a few weeks and suddenly the word nubslurping comes up and you forget what the fuck youre reading.

8. im PRETTY SURE aradia is seen after that whole team fiasco?? or its sollux... maybe. wait. its sollux, right. i just knew someone gets introduced mid way through is all. actually, someone gets introduced after every 20 pages. i have no idea. but ik aradia and sollux go hand in hand.

9. oh shit. OH SHIT! RIGHT! I REMEMBER! so this occurs in the latest session i did, and not the beginning of act 5, but AG and aradia team up, right?? and sollux fucking gets manipulated by them and ??? idk??? they make him find the game, reprogram it and then make him believe its going to end the world (which in hindsight is true, but anyways) so he refuses to play it which was AG’s plan all along so she steps up and becomes leader in his place. but aradia says sollux will still play the game no matter what, but she never went through with the plan for AG but it was apart of a prophecy? that sollux wouldnt be the leader at all? that he’d still play? but it had to go according to plan so it could succeed??? we just dont know why yet. anyways, point being, she still cares for sollux since she did it for him rather than for AG. and thats what i recall. god tf i forgot about that whole drama until writing down “sollux and aradia go hand in hand” which gave me violent flashbacks to the memory.

10. oh and id give aradia 9/10 and sollux 7/10. i do like sollux but if i put him higher than karkat, id get crucified. so im keeping them around the same.

11. man i really like sollux and aradia tho, i may have put him at 7, but i really like their dynamic and i really hope they make up and aradia explains herself about AG. because from one side it looks shitty. and while sollux is rude and never makes up his mind, he apologized to aradia after going off, and that was the only time ive seen him be sincere, so im pretty sure he cares for her to some extent. and i think its somewhat mutual? considering the whole “did it for him” thing. man, i see potential because i actually like both their characters. theyre well written. may not have the best personalities, but i appreciate well written characters and homestuck has the best ones ive seen in a while.

12. oh shit, hell yeah, the more i write, the more im connecting the dots and remembering. however, the more i write, the more i want to just make an analogy post but thats not for now. jesus christ its not all about analogies, mack, this is a recap. but.. how does andrew do it? to not go off track??? hard. telling ya.

13. anyways, didnt we break the fourth wall at some point and have the demon gods or whatever the fuck speak to us in third person for the first time in the comic, after having only gone into second person narrative, right after we were introduced to sollux and his “virus”? the uh, the phrase “the demon was already here” was said, or something along those lines. first line in homestuck to give me the creeps ngl and i appreciate it bc it gives me motivation to know what the fuck its about. its cool bc you have no idea where its going and it sure doesnt have anything to do with the current plot, since the trolls’ session/game doesnt have fucking demons so im curious as to what the fuck that was about. and if i really have to make a theory, i feel it has something to do with aradia’s voices in her head which also connect to the gods rose heard when she started disregarding rules and told dave to look at derse without listening to music bc it was as if he was purposely blocking away their calls. like holy shit, that gave me the shivers. while i do want to know more about wtf happens after act 4, trolls are taking priority right now. just like we did with the intermission. no discussing the kids unless necessary. treat this as its own separate comic. and THEN we can connect.

14. ANYWAYS, tavros’ intro???? that comes afterwards?? with the fiduspawn that made me gag a little on the inside? yep. remember that. fuck that lol. -1/10 but tavros himself is MAYBE a 6/10? i wish we explored his character more in his intro bc right now he just looks like a character made only to be a victim rather than have any depth and i feel thats robbing someone of their full potential. give me more personality andrew, rather than a quivering boy who falls prey to bitches. im expecting more throughout the comic honestly and i hope he gets growth so hes not looked as a “victim” but rather his own character. he is still sweet, and i like him because i want to protect him, but id rather have more info, you know what i mean?

15. oh hell. kanaya had a chainsaw at some point. that made me happy. and didnt she cut off tavros’ legs?? and he got robot ones? and some creepy dude was looking and we called him saggy tits bc hes sagittarius? right? neat. that did happen. pretty sure saggy tits is ACs friend that tells her what to do. the more u know. OH and they all have colored blood similar to their text colors lol. that i remember... so tavros has brown, terezi has blueish green, um. karkat has grey the loser. and apparently it forms a rainbow which is nice. rainbow is good.

16. i dont remember anything else actually

17. wait no i do. AG appeared. shes a petty bully. idk what to say about her. we didnt get that much, except that she hates tavros but is okay with aradia. she also looks like a bottle opener. actually, i think she teamed with aradia to gain leadership rather than to “be friends”. and while that is similar to how karkat did it, meaning the gain, the motivation and how they earned it is entirely different. kinda seeing a trend tho. the leaders of the red/blue teams are both characters who wanted the role, but never had it to begin with. only to win their way into the position. but rather than ask non-stop like karkat did, AG manipulated others so she could be successful. not too sure if she also used aradia for that, or is actually motivated to become friends since they were “past enemies” and she needed a rebound. pretty sure its somewhat both. while AG did mostly use aradia to speak with sollux, what she doesnt know is that aradia is a bad bitch who never even thought about AG and only followed through with the plan bc she had a plan of her own. i guess we’ll look into that later. i lowkey want to know their history.

18. OH AC!!! she appeared for a second as well. love her. shes amazing. 9.5/10. and you may ask yourself, why am i saying “i love this character” but none of them are 10/10?? weellllll its because, and i cant stress this enough, 10/10 belongs to kanaya, i dont make the rules. im waiting for her introduction, shes my favorite and its obvious. sorry.

19. oh huh seems i forgot about the term “lusus”. which.. is.. their parents but not really, its these fucking weird ass creatures that the trolls fought in a cave or something as a child. i dont fucking know. terezi hatched hers and it died? gamzee’s also died but his goat sea dad was never really there to begin with so while it is sad, its more sad that gamzee never saw him? um.. karkat killed his own by exploding his computer bc sollux said dont run the virus and karkat said u cant tell me what to do and did it anyways. so thats on him. but apparently theyre supposed to die, to become prototyped during the game, right? yeah. i remember now.

20. thats.. about it? idk anything else, nothing is coming back to me apart from the shit above. huh.... im surprised how quickly things do come back to you the moment you rant about the plot tho.... handy trick.

cool. neat. fun. this took me too long. but im glad i remember a little bit.

#i wanted to catch u all up on this #but ill most likely do a liveblog tmr bc i was bust today unfortunately apart from writing this out #bc this took priority for better understanding where i am rn #maaaannnn #writing wears me out #i love it #but its tiring the fucking bitch #so im in need for deep sleep #wish i could do more smh #welll #goodnight :)

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the-trth-untold · 6 years ago

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now its ur turn. do all of the sweetheart asks.

god jsjsjhdjk im just letting u kno these answers r gonna be BORING but hhhh THANK U

1. Talk about your first love.

i’ve never been in love, never been in a relationship before. BUT i can vaguely remember my first crush back in 2nd grade. all i can remember was that his name was kyle and he was the only boy who ever spoke to me and my brain just went !!!

2. What’s the most beautiful song you’ve ever heard in your opinion?

Break My Heart Again - FINNEAS or What Was Our Love All About - Adrian Milanio and Marylou Villegas

these are just two that i can think of there are A LOT of beautiful songs

3. How’s your heart feeling right now?

fine??

4. What kind of self care is your favorite to do?

i dont really do any self care things??

5. What’s your skincare routine?

i dont do any skincare routines either... ik im a monster

6. How did you get to be so beautiful?

u must be blind if u think that

7. Do you have any stuffed animals?

i used to have over 50 stuffed animals, i would always place them all over my bed neatly but i got rid of them now :(

8. Best trip you’ve ever been on?

Myrtle Beach, SC because it was my first vacation spot and i was so happy seeing two dolphins close to the shore

9. Favorite thing about your room?

the color of my walls and blankets lol mint green and peach colors

i dont have anything cool in my room

10. Opinion on love?

i mean, it’d be nice to experience it some day and i hope i do but right now im content being by myself

11. Are you affectionate?

if i know you very well i can be, if not im very awkward and will barely make any eye contact with you

12. Who do you look up to?

i look up to people who have struggled a lot in their life, people who can be optimistic in any situation

13. Favorite poet?

i dont read much poetry, but i loved reading some things Emily Dickinson has published

14. Song that makes you happy? How about one that calms you down when you’re in a bad place?

honestly any disney song makes me happy! im a huge disney nerd and listening to any of those songs makes me feel nostalgic.

when im in a bad place, any slow, ballad sounding song can calm me down

15. Do you play an instrument?

i played the flute in middle school but dropped it after less than a week LOL

16. Do you do art? Using what (pencil, watercolor, etc)?

i like doing digital art but im not good at it and i dont have adobe illustrator anymore so i haven’t done anything recently

17. Do you dance? What style of dance?

i cannot dance and no one will make me

IM TOO EMBARRASSED EVEN IF IM ALONE HAHAHA

18. What’s your zodiac sign? Do you believe in astrology?

im a libra

i somewhat believe in astrology, i know there’s more to it than just your sun sign and there are different placements that make you different from the stereotypical traits people use for each sign

a lot of the “things about each sign” can be used for anyone because the responses can be very vague and many people can relate to

19. Favorite old film?

too many

the shining, the breakfast club, carrie, pretty in pink, etcetcetc

20. What’s your hairstyle?

idk its a mess

curly/wavy and i have hardcut bangs

21. What weather is the most beautiful, in your opinion?

fall weather, where its like 50 F (or 10 C for all u weirdos out there), cold enough to put on a flannel and boots

22. What upsets you most about the world?

i only have two hands but there are so many cats and dogs. i cannot pet all of them. (IM SORRY THIS WAS UR ANSWER DASHA BUT IM KEEPING IT ITS SO CUTE AND FUNNY AND I RELATE)

23. Are you in love right now?

24. Do you have a crush? If so, talk about them!

i dont have a crush lol

25. Do you have pets? Talk about something sweet about them!

yes!!! i have two gorgeous puppies!!! if u wanna check them out u can follow my instagram i post them all the time @ the.moon.atomic

they’re such dorks but they fit my household idk how to describe it they just belong in my house hahha

26. Do you have a lucky number?

i dont really believe in lucky numbers

27. Have you ever wished on a star? What about on a fallen eyelash?

no, and i never heard about wishing on a fallen eyelash haha

28. Do you believe emoji spells to work?

no???????? i dont even know what that is

29. Do you believe in magic in general?

30. What’s the most beautiful thing in life, In your opinion?

when people finally stop hiding their true selves, show their real smiles, and laugh so hard they snort

idk i just love people, well, most anyway sjsjhzjdsk

31. Opinion on the color pink? What about baby blue?

love them

theyre such pure colors and they just remind me of newborn babies hahaha

32. What instrumental sound is your favorite?

piano definitely

33. Do you like the sound of wind? What about the sound of rain?

yes! yes to both! i love rain more though, sorry wind

34. Who makes you happy?

my friends, family, and my mutuals

35. What makes you happy?

listening to music

36. Imagine your ideal life, the life you wish to make, what will that look like?

ohh well i’d be living on germany for starters hahaha

id like to have my own house, maybe living with a best friend

definitely like 5784538902 cats and dogs, i love them

at some point id like to have a relationship LOL

37. Do you wear makeup? If so what’s your favorite type of makeup or specific makeup product? Favorite store to buy makeup?

only on rare days ill put on makeup, i only use eyeshadow, liner, and mascara and ive never gone to a store thats just for make up, i just go to a pharmacy lol

38. Do you wear dresses? If so what’s your favorite dress you own?

only if i absolutely have to, the dress i wore for my senior pictures is my favorite

39. Ever been heartbroken? How do you deal with it?

noo, ive never been in a relationship

40. Who’s your closest friend? What do you love about them?

i kinda really dont have one, not irl anyway

@neo-bangtan @mini-pretzel are my closest friends online, i love everything about u guys

41. Introvert or extrovert?

introvert

42. Do you like MBTI? What’s your MBTI?

im isfj

43. Would you be a fairy, a mermaid, a vampire, a siren, or an angel?

uh idk?? i wouldnt want to be immortal so

44. What’s the best song a friend has ever introduced to you?

acid jazz singer - the fratellis

45. Parlez-vous français?

no my french sucks

46. Most beautiful place you’ve been to?

honestly i cant think of any place pennsylvania sucks ahhaha

47. Where/when do you truly feel at home?

home...... my bed...... LOL

48. Does smiling put you in a better mood? Try it right now, you’re smile is gorgeous!

only if im not looking at myself lol

49. Favorite shoe you own?

slip ons or my new balance

50. Can you walk in stilettos? Do you like them?

N O i am so accident prone i can barely walk barefoot without tripping

51. Do you feel loved?

kinda? sometimes?

52. How do you express love to those you care about?

just giving them a hug lol or saying i love you

53. Favorite term(s) of endearment?

no ones ever called me any but i like baby, im a simple girl

54. Most romantic thing someone’s ever done for you?

nothing?

55. When is the happiest you’ve ever been?

meeting new people who share the same interests

56. Are you happy right now?

im pretty neutral atm

57. What makes you smile?

really awful jokes that ARENT EVEN FUNNY AND TALKING DASHA AND KARINA

58. Do you laugh a lot?

i guess??

59. What’s your favorite kind of aesthetic?

soft vibes i guess haha

60. Do you want to marry for love or for some other reason (like money)?

i dont see myself marrying but if i would it would definitely be for love

61. What would your dream wedding look like? Do you want to get married?

i dont really want to get married, most of the time it ends in divorce and theres just a lot of paper work and its a hassle i dont see a point in it

62. Favorite flower?

hydrangeas

63. Favorite artist?

edgar degas

64. Favorite music artist?

bts lol

65. How kind do you think you are? Is kindness important to you?

i try to be kind to everyone, i dont know if others perceive me that way but i think kindness is very important to me

66. Ever made a playlist for someone?

once and i loved it, pls ask me to make a playlist for u

67. Do you have anything you do to physically comfort you when your sad? Such as a favorite blanket? Or a relaxing bath?

music and a soft blanket

68. Early bird or night owl?

early bird

69. Morning routine?

wake up, look in the mirror, look away from the mirror, go back to bed. (AGAIN THIS IS UR ANSWER DASHA BUT IM KEEPING IT HHAHAHAHA)

70. Night routine?

shower and watch netflix until i fall asleep

71. What is the most lovely quality a person could have in your opinion?

being humble

72. Do you cry often? Does crying help you get the emotions out? Do you feel better after?

yes yes and yes

im such a cry baby i will cry at everything if u yell at me or if disappoint u im so sensitive

73. Do you like hugs?

yes but i dont receive many hugs

74. When was the last time you kissed someone?

never

75. Are you small or tall?

small, 5′4 or 164cm

76. Do you like wholesome memes?

who doesnt

77. Favorite thing about the past?

anything that makes me feel nostalgic

78. Do you ever wonder about the future?

yes

79. Have you ever lived in a different country than you currently live in?

nooo

80. Do you like plane flights? Airports?

ive never been on a plane

81. Sunrises or sunsets?

sunsets

82. The beach or a forest?

beach

83. What time of day do you tend to be in the best mood?

when im sleeping lol

84. Do you push yourself to act together and in a good mood even when you aren’t?

i try to

85. Favorite kind of tree?

what kind of question is this i dont know anything about trees

86. Do you care about the health of the Earth?

i want to but i dont do anything for it

87. What did you like most about your childhood, if anything?

fieldtrips in school

88. Do you read a lot? What’s your favorite book?

i try to read more, my favorite book is more happy than not

89. What are you most nostalgic for at the moment?

disney, i just put my christmas tree down and the ornaments are disney characters

90. What’s your favorite personality trait you have?

honesty i guess?

91. List at least ONE thing you love about your appearance.

my eyes

92. When was the last time you truly felt calm, without much of anything to worry about?

after i bathe

93. Do you worry a lot?

yes all the time

94. The dazzling lights of the city or the relaxing countryside?

dazzling lights of the city

95. Ever changed the shoelaces on one of your shoes? For what reason?

96. Favorite pastry?

??????????? i dont know??????????

97. Do you like doing little acts of kindness?

YEAH

98. How’s your day/night going?

fine so far, i dont have to work today so im just chillaxing

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radiotorn · 2 years ago

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hey bestie this is definitely not tori please do the tf2 ask meme odds if you are okay with that pleas thx ^_^ *frolicks away*

ANSWERING THIS SOOOO LATE but i want it OUUTT!! so here we GO

1- Who are your favorite tf2 content creators? hmhmhmmmmm….in terms of entertainment videos im sorta looking for someone but i like Kostamoinen, Winglet, STBlackST, CrazyScoutFIN, ShorK, Jesse Baumgartner & plus ive heard good things about Hoovy Tube but donnt know yet…..in terms of art…well…check my fav tag 😏 and also all my buddies and pals they're correct and right whenever they say things about thhe video game

3- Who is your favorite side character? I think Miss Pauling isn't a side character soo….i really like Heavy's family they r very awesome mode….i also have a soft spot for Olivia Mann i think too much about her and then i cry (yes…u can ask if u would like to…giggle) or MAGGIE GASP…i love mags....im going to give her the world and then more

5- Who are your LEAST favorite characters? hmmmmmm….ik ive said it before but i guess cheavy huh. OR classic soldier and scout i do not like them (the classic ones that come with cheavy ofc)

7- How did you find out about tf2? answered in the last ask for these, but from a ytp audio used in a flipnote if u rlly want it lmk

9- How long have you been in the fandom? funny enough i have the exact date bc i keep a journal. May 2nd 2021 is when i played the game for the first time so it started then

11- Favorite voice line? a LOT of them are engies lines again bc. well. like "Start prayin', boy!", "im wolverine-mean, you son of a bitch", and "you look a mite tongue-tied, son" they. he. im ok. im ok. im alright

13- What’s your favorite thing about the fandom? i stay within my small bubble most of the time, but i do technically have fandom to thank for introducing me to some really awesome people and mutuals :] so that i suppose! also the savetf2 tag is really really awesome

15- Do you have a NOTP? if so then what? scoutpauling and spyscout, to the max. one is incxst and the other is just. not right lol both are nem jó for me. the majority of them are either nice or just not my cup of tea

17- An unpopular opinion you have? hmm….yes! not in the terms of ppl not agreeing but just bc it hasnt been talked about but Maggie is Hungarian! she is to me and thats it ok. like theres more backing it up but its burried under a personal hc that is intertwined with an oc so.shrugs. shes hungarian to me even outside of self indulgence

19- RED or BLU? red :] i like the look of red bases more than the blu ones

21- What is your favorite piece from the tf2 OST? ROBOTS ROBOTS TO THE.MAX I LOVE. THIS SONG SOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!! I LOVE THAT!!! I OLOVE IT!!! it makes me feel so awesome

23- Who do you main? i kinda find myself maining someone different every once in awhile, but i'm mostly a demo or scout main! i try to at least know how to play every class a little (except spy. not yet i'm not ready)

25- What is your favorite ‘Meet the…’ video? meet the pyro i love that one…my favey….revolutionary for the time….

27- Which character would you get along the best with? OH HELL uhh hm hmmm hurm looks inside myself…realistically? probably scout or engie…but why must i choose…when we could all be friends….i have ten hands

29- Is there a character you loved at first but now you hate? nope! my love has only grown since i got into this game i find something to love in all the characters and those who i didnt like i still dont fuck with

31- Which character is overrated? i mean, i feel like scout obvs is but i also really like scout but ppl dont get him. they dont get it right u gotta get him right. i feel like that can be the case with a lot of overrated chars......spice it up with the portrayals and then it wont taste so bad even if theyre still overrated

33- Which character do you relate to most? (or as the cool kids say, “kin”) yknwo im not just saying this but i think a good blend of engie and sniper (moreso engie maybe) with like. seasoned with some pyro . like its the nonchalance with boiling autism rage and also. sparkle on. does that make sense

35- Best character design? FUUUCCKKKK U CANT ASK THATTTTT!!!….thats something i think that like. did something to me. like. getting into tf2 shaped my entire taste and outlook in a way. like. older ppl. older ppl swag is what i learned and all of them r so distinct and have their own silhouettes and outfits and AHGHGHHH its literally art to me….but ig if i HAD to choose its a tie btween heavy and demo

37- What is your favorite update? ok i have to make it clear i wasnt into the game for the time of the major updates but i think the very start of scream fortress..or ig the haunted hallowe'en special…is my favorite because i LOOVEEE scream fortress i love the halloween maps i love the season!!! I LOVE HELLTOWER MY DEAREST!!!!! I LOVE THE HALLOWEEN SEASON!!!!!! AND AUTUMN!!! …but other than that i think love and war is another aswesome one

#TY NOT-TORI FOR THE GIGANTIC ASK LMAO ASDUAUDGVBAHDBJJAS #asks #anon #technically. i kno its u but for organizations sake ur anon #owen.file

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jhordin-remade · 7 years ago

Note

ohh so i study in a all girl school ud think theres a lot of gay girls but not really a lot are str8s but in my first year i met this girl shes pretty popular and she plays sports like very opposite from me:0 for some reason we started texting we really woudl stay up all night to text each other shes so sweet and dorky hehehe always just say stuff that makes u giggle like “well if u dont wanna tidy ur room id buy u a rubbish bin and help u” UGH shes so cute im gonna cry ~ part 1

(during lessons we would keep exchanging glances cuz im short shes tall she always sit at the back and id have to turn all around to look at her and shed smirk :”) so i was like almost sure its not just a big ol crush like its a mutual thing but ididnt say anything cuz im shy and i dont wanna overthink it what if she just does that with everyone else??? shes also popular and have totally different social circles with me :

its been 2 years :( still kinda miss her and when i hear her name i still get a bit hyperawared havent seen much of her in two years but then this year she has 2 blocks with me every lesson i have to pretend like i didnt almost confess to her :”( and today i saw sth about her possibly dating someone at our school and im like... damn that reappy couldve been me :0(

sorry for spamming ur inbox i never told anyone about this :-) ilu ❣️ )

---

an all girls school??? honestly id LIVE girls r so great :( but anyways wow girls that play sports??? nice!!! :’D she sounds so cute n wonderful n friendly omg? sounds like an angel !! also what....id cry ghjkghjgk how can she text stuff like tht girls r so.....amazing i love?? alSO SMIRKING KDMFGFHJG WHOMST!!!! how are u alive omg...

but anyways ahhhh i get it :( i tend to overthink a lot of things nd think that ppl may not actually like me nd theyre jst RLYnice u kno lol but that’s rly sucky :( i rly hope yall can reconnect or smth. also the possibility of her dating some1 ffghjklgj ik im answering this late but did u find out if shes dating any1? :O

#id honestly try talking to her again or smth she seems so cute n kind :((( i root for u angel pls ily too!#anon #asks

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heavyyhearts-blog · 7 years ago

Text

actually heres my side

“ first, before getting to real stuff, aya has done this to other people in the past too. when she talked about them to me she said they abused her or abandoned her suddenly. i’ve only talked to one of these people, but they confirmed that aya actually abused, and then stalked them when they cut her off. i don’t have permission to post these logs so out of respect i won’t put them here. “

ive never been very clear in talking about my past experiences with most people. you make this sound as if every person that's ever "abandoned me" were all "abused" by me, when that's not the case. have i acted in shitty ways to some people? yes, but it never had anything to do with me being abandoned, at any point. one of these people, actually straight up disappeared from my life, and i have no idea why. they disappeared off skype and i havent seen them since. we had no problems between eachother whatsoever. a different example i can think of for someone i was talking about? they left because i was too stressful to be around. as in, i always complained too much and that kind of thing and it was too much to be around. i didnt even know them very long. another example of a person i mentioned with that: they had really bad schizophrenia and like, trauma issues, and what happened there? they'd randomly like? actually start basically splitting on me and getting extremely angry at me out of nowhere for no reason, which i tried to be really tolerable of, until things basically got too much for either of us to handle and after a bit of dumb drama, we separated with , i believe, no hard feelings.

my point being? when i say "ive been abandoned by a lot of people" or whatever, im not literally claiming that i was abused by literally everyone and im some huge victim, lol. that last example? you could probably say i was abused due to the level of pent up anger they were throwing at me, , unprovoked

“ i’ve only talked to one of these people, but they confirmed that aya actually abused, and then stalked them when they cut her off “

first of all, this happened literal years ago. second of all, this person is still full of shit and i can't believe they still insist all of these bullshit lies. "aya stalked me" i hadnt visited your blog for months, i'd literally forgotten about you, yet you somehow still had it set in your head that i was "stalking" you. i wanted to remake my blog for a multitude of reasons, and one of them being, a more back of my mind thing, was, i didnt want you viewing my blog. so i remade. and, like, 2-3 days later, i got paranoid that you had somehow found my new blog, entirely new, so i asked my friend to go see if my new url was on there, because i didnt want to go back on your blog myself. and sure enough, there it was, my new url, even though i hadn't given it out to anyone or posted it anywhere, meaning you literally searched through notes of a post or something along those lines to find it. yeah ive explained this so many times now its fun :) not to mention your shitty friend(s) that would constantly twist my words around and lie saying i was doingthings that i didnt. and your only "proof" was logs of talking shit about me behind my back to one of my friends, you had no screenshots of me doing anything, because guess what, i never did it. wow. "i dont have screenshots because i deleted them all" okay bud. anyway

and now here's my main issue with everything: you are "calling me out" for things we have already personally talked about, that we either resolved, or i apologized for/said that i would try to stop doing so i can better myself which i have actually done? so i literally do not understand why youre calling me out for shit as if im some malicious person trying to hurt people that's just completely incapable of getting better or whatever. lets start

“i’ve tried to cut her off several times, both by trying to talk and express my want to stop talking to her first and by just blocking/ignoring her on everything. i made it clear i wanted to stop talking the first couple of times. she will spam and beg me and make new accounts if she has to. once ive added her back however she’s used that against me”

okay youre calling me out for this but you admitted what you did was fucked up too? and i dont know what else to even say to this other than im going to try to stop getting so attached to people like that so i maybe dont have such bad mental breakdowns every time i thnk someone close to me is leaving like sorry i cant. help feeling that way or control this thing specifically unless i just dont get attached like that at all, which is my fault.

[x] [x] [x]

here, you post a completely out of context rant from me, where i got mad at something you did that you literally admitted was fucked up. full context!

[x] [x] [x] [x] [x]

you even told me you had no idea what you were talking about with any of it.

“ one of the times that we weren’t talking she DMd my twitter mutuals asking them to screenshot my recent tweets. “

i told you my reason for it. i was extremely paranoid that you were talking shit about me behind my back and i wanted to know if you were or not, even though i did it in a really shitty way. i instantly felt so beyond terrible that i had done that. i was sobbing the entire time i was trying to apologize for how fucked up and wrong it was of me to do that, and even apologized for it again later after it had happened already. because i wanted to make sure you knew how sorry i was for it. i cant take something like that back.

[x] [x]

“recently, after getting so upset with me for doing the same thing in the past, she randomly blocked me on everything and refused to talk to me. i would understand if she hadn’t previously gotten so mad and upset at me for the exact same thing. “

?? i split really bad just like i already have been, due to , as i've already exlpained, the nonstop bad things we've had between us for months, to the point i havent been able to talk to you like normal anymore, because just seeing you pisses me off and everything you say/do will just piss me off. i cant help that. its not my fault. i cant just not split like that because we've had fucked up problems for months, that, guess what, shouldnt even be public here for all reasons ive already stated! but i also did it just because ive been deciding i need to get away from you for good, that i dont WANT to talk to you at all anymore. sucks to be treated the way you treat others right.

“ i posted on my twitter saying i wanted to drink and she instantly messaged me begging and spamming me not to “

and everything else like stalling, pressuring you etc. this is still. we talked about this. i said sorry. i got better about it. why do i have a callout.

[x] [x]

like this is literally all just trying to make me look bad in ways that i'm not. nice try, though!

“ when i cc’d bakugou and she tried to make me explain my trauma to make it Valid “

you're trying to make me look bad again. i was just asking because i was anxious wanted to know the reasoning for it and im sorry for pressing it at all but that doesnt mean i was trying to make you explain it so it could be "valid" shut the fuck up lol i even explained to you afterwards why it made me so uncomfortable and that it didnt bother me anymore, that i thought you were just blindly cc'ing him for no real reason like i just assumed it wasnt a coping thing or anything and thats my fault but??? youre trying to make me look bad for it so??? i'd even keep sending you fanart of him like.

[x]

“ she was extremely dependent on me and would spam me if i fell asleep before she woke up, she’d got upset and started splitting on me because i didn’t return her feelings of attraction. “

wat...

“ second, she’s blaming everything on her BPD and “not being able to help it,” or “can’t control herself” “

well, as you can clearly see, ive been anything but that??? but if you wanna keep telling yourself that, go ahead. have i said things LIKE that before? yes, when i was freaking out, over certain things i actually can't help, for example: abandonment trauma??? and like i said before: i need to try to not get so attached to people in the first place so that doesnt happen anymore! otherwise, should some sort of situation like that happen again, i can't handle getting that level of upset. so i prevent that by not getting that level of attached at all. like sorry but theres certain things nobody can help, even you. you're just trying to make it sound like this entire thing has been nothing but "i cant help it"

and lastly, we can't forget the fact that, for a long time, you wouldn't tell me anything. literally anything. i would repeatedly ask you. "what do i do that bothers you what am i doing wrong" etc and all you'd ever say was "idk" 95% of the time. i had absolutely no idea that for the longest time, i had been saying a lot of manipulative, shitty things and acting bad and etc, slash i had no idea that some of my episodes were actually affecting you that badly until way too late.

when you first told me that i had been acting so shitty, through a jpeg meme that was making fun of me, did i realize how awful i was being. i honest to god never had any idea and i explained this to you countless times. that i was oblivious/i can be oblivious to shitl ike that and that i need you to tell me, otherwise I WONT KNOW.

nice meme. :) but yeah clearly this is still an accurate representation of me, right?

[x] [x]

yeah, you got me though. im a toxic, abusive piece of shit that will never get better, all i do is hurt others, i can't change, ive never apologized, ive never gotten better. totally

and since we're playing this game,

and now that i've said all this, i have nothing else to say. i can't make anyone believe me, but if you do, thanks.

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