#ignoring all the harm they’ve actually done

[bartlovesyj]

something something the fact that ken is more popular from the movie than the actual lead is telling about y’all something something something.

[olderthannetfic]

Getting this off my chest:

Back from a small fanfic hiatus, and I am absolutely flabbergasted by all of the fic authors now practically begging their readers to READ THE TAGS.

I’ve been seeing this warning written in summaries, in author’s notes, highlighted in all caps in the actual tags. I’ve read so many apologies written by authors in the comments in response to people chastising the author for writing what they wanted to write, for what they tagged correctly — for what essentially comes down to nothing more than having had other people actively ignore their tags or read despite them.

And there seems to be this bizarre, somehow largely accepted idea that it is the creators job and responsibility to beseech their readers to ‘use caution’ and to ‘stay safe’, to ‘be mindful of their health’…

I am beyond confused here.

Since when??? did exercising the most basic form of common sense and acknowledging one’s personal yeas and nays, likes and limitations, become some other random stranger’s burden rather than one’s own? And especially a random person who tagged their work correctly??? Does no one remember how to harness their own powers of discernment and self-regulation???

This little jaunt back onto ao3 has been unlike any that I’ve ever experienced before. What. Happened?????? Who is this new, apparently severely emotionally unstable and obstinately tags-reading resistant audience everyone has come to focus on?

It all feels so out of touch. The basic concept of ao3 is for the reader to seek out what they want, not what they don’t want. And to actually read. But there seems to have been an extremely strong shift away from reading. On ao3. A site built specifically for reading and writing. (And other fandom artistic pursuits, but not my focus, atm; though I’m sure whatever this is has crept steadily into all spaces there.)

Plummeting reading comprehension must be somewhat to blame; the popularity of fanfic amongst younger and wider audiences, as well. But… young people have always been there, as far as my own experiences go, and it was never like this. It’s as if too many readers don’t know how to make good or even practical decisions for themselves anymore, that they’ve lost the skill of choosing, and now believe that they must consume everything that passes before them; — that they have, for some reason, adopted the belief that any turmoil or dislike or discomfort felt within themselves is harm purposely being done to them by the author.

Idk. Idk, idk, idk. It’s just such a bummer to see how much nervousness and distress has entered the community. Authors notes and comments used to be hilarious fun, or a peek into someone else’s real-life world, used to be casual and full of personality, whereas nowadays, there seems to be an underlying hesitancy and distrust, a sort of growing divide between writers and readers, groups which, until recently, very much were not mutually exclusive.

--

Idiots have been around forever. The more you cater to them, the more entitled they get. It's best to shut that shit down fast and use no warnings that indicate a willingness to entertain stupid complaints.

[odinsblog]

These mask off moments aren’t anything new.

It’s official: White “feminists” like Julianna Margulies, Amy Schumer and Patricia Arquette have no clue that Black women, Black LGBTQ people, and Black Jewish people are actual categories of people who exist.

Worse still, they completely ignore that it is often white women who have been responsible for some of the worst harms inflicted on other women, Black people and NBPoC.

White “feminists” constantly acting like they’ve done the most - when they’ve only helped themselves and then pulled up the ladder afterwards - then demanding the labor of marginalized Black people in return for their so-called “help” is disgusting. Their transactional, conditional allyship, and their focus on one singular identity at the expense of all others, is the polar opposite of intersectional feminism.

Black people have had some real allies from every race, color and creed, but let’s get this straight: Black people fought our own fights and when we lose, we most definitely do our own dying. Nobody “gave” us anything because Julianna Margulies put a fucking black square on her Instagram pfp when George Floyd was murdered. And Black people don’t owe any of these racists a damn thing for their extremely limited, performative, paternalistic, and self-serving “allyship”.

[linnorabeifong]

I Physically Can’t Get This Idea Out of My Head

How many people actually know Lin got her scars from Su ? I was rewatching the Zafou episodes and I don’t think Lin ever explicitly mentioned Su giving her the scars. So none of the krew knows. So I get why her anger doesn’t look justified to them and why they would pressure her to make up without that context. But I so badly want them to discover it. I want to see their reactions . I want them to see photos of Lin before she was scarred. How would their perceptions of Su and Lin change ? Would they be more empathetic towards Lin ?

Additionally I don’t think Su’s kids know the truth. Opal really loves her aunt I imagine she would be quite angry if she found out and while Lin’s bond with her nephews isn’t explored in the show ( which it should’ve been I want to see her play power disk with Wei and Wing, and praise Huan’s art and have a heart to heart with Baatar) I think they’re also attached to her and would be upset.

Further how about the air kids, Lin seems quite close to them and they’re all very curious. They’ve probably asked her several times before. Did she lie to them to protect her sister ? Does she give up and tell the truth one day ?

How about Kya, Bumi and Izumi ? Were any of them actually there when it all went down ? Did she tell them ? ( I don’t think she would it seems painful for her to talk about ) How would they react to the truth thirty years later?

Also I think Toph has the capacity for empathy. I think she’s ignorant to the full extent of Lin’s injury and that’s why she was so apathetic about it and just wants to move on. She’s blind. She never saw the bandages or saw how deep the scars ran, how large they were but if she did would she have acted differently? I think so. Sure she’s neglectful but she’s not a monster. If she actually felt the scars I think she would’ve comforted her daughter. She would’ve been more mad at Su. In her eyes Lin has a little scratch and Su was an accomplice in a crime. So if course she thinks Lin is overreacting. In her eyes sending Su away for being an accomplice is a crime is proportional to the harm done. She thinks Lin’s anger is just her being a square and normal sibling bickering. If she knew the whole truth maybe she would’ve punished Su more and made her make it up to Lin somehow.

( does she even know that Lin has a scar afterwards? Does anyone mention them in front of her ?)

and Lin would never let anyone touch her scars ever so how is Toph supposed to understand? How can she without feeling them ?

More thoughts about Toph: Raising both of the girls while being blind must’ve been difficult. Think about it she can’t see if their clothes get stained, can’t see if they have a bruise or see if they’re crying. So much of communication and understanding is nonverbal. She misses out on so many social cues and so much visual information. On top of being blind both her and Lin dislike physical affection.So all they really have left is verbal communication and both of them are too emotionally stunted and prone to bottling things up to ever say what they need to. Let’s be honest Toph isn’t a great listener either so she probably doesn’t fully realize/respond to what Lin is trying to say. Lin may be better at writing out or drawing her emotions but Toph wouldn’t be able to read what she wrote or see her visual work. Lin would have to learn braille and sit down and write in it to get her mother to understand which I honestly don’t believe she has the patience or desire to do. Nor do I believe Toph has the patience or desire to sit down and read all of that. ( Does Toph know braille ?) They can’t communicate with each other properly. There are so many barriers. Of course their relationship is strained. While it may not be wholly Toph’s fault it has produced a huge impact on both of her daughters that none of them can address.

An epiphany : LIN IS A SILENT CRIER. She doesn’t sob. Are you following me? Rewatch the Zafou episode if you don’t believe me . Nonverbal - audio communication ( I don’t know if there’s an actual word for this) doesn’t happen between them. Lin isn’t vocally expressive. She doesn’t cry out loud or scream or make any other vocalizations when she is in physical or emotional pain. She may grunt in some of the fight scenes but she isn’t loud. Think about when she got her bending taken. Probably one of the most physically and emotionally painful moments of her entire life. In that scene she didn’t make a single sound. Or the reverse she got her bending restored a huge moment of relief she didn’t laugh or make any other sounds of joy. She just thanked Korra. Lin is silent . Toph can’t hear her.

In conclusion communication is everything and everyone of them needs therapy.

[pettytiredandjewish]

For the “pro Palestine” crowd:

-hamas is a terrorist organization that is literally harming Palestinians and using them as human shields??? Like those bastards could care less about their own people. They just want power and control. Just like isis and other extremist groups. They also have tight control over the media in that region and that they are using it to their advantage? They control the narrative of what’s happening, the number of casualties, lie about attacks, etc.

-if you really do care for Palestinians- do you condemn Hamas for what they’ve done to Palestinians? If they really cared about them they would have stopped using them as human shields and give them food/water/other essentials that is being sent to that region during the war. But instead Hamas is holding all of that hostage. Also the Israeli government did sent out warnings to tell Palestinians to evacuate. But guess what-Hamas told their people to ignore those warnings.

-that Israelis are not their government??? They can’t control what their government does. Most of them hates what’s going on and wants this war to be over. None of us wanted this war but it happened because of the bombings and the pogrom on 10/7. Hamas literally disguised themselves as IDF to trick Israeli citizens to trust them while this horrible attack happened. This resulted in the Israeli citizens getting attacked/kidnapped/r****/k*lled. How are you justifying this?!?!

- do you guys even care about the hostages that Hamas is still holding??? And how they are being treated horribly? Do you care that Hamas is executing them like some sick game? (I could go into more detail but the pictures and videos that I’ve seen… ). Do you care that they are r***** innocent women, kids and men? It’s really messed up and f-ed up if you are turning a blind eye on that. Me too unless you’re a Jew…

-this war could end if all the hostages were to be freed , Hamas steps down from power and pay for what they’ve done and Israel gets a new president/goverment (and the ones who were involved will deal with the consequences). Israeli citizens are not their government. Stop blaming them for what their government is doing. This war wasn’t wanted and we want it to be over. But it will continue until Hamas is stopped and until all hostages have been freed.

-why do y’all keep attacking jews/Israelis who are mourning the deaths of their loved ones who were killed during this war??? What are you gaining from that? Let us mourn in peace for the love of g-d. Also why are you attacking people who are calling out antisemitism? (I mean I know the answer…) but why??? I hate to break it to y’all but antisemitism is on the rise (it’s getting worse every single day). Are we not allowed to be afraid about that? To be consistently worried for our loved ones and our selves? Yes Islamophobia hate crime is one the rise (I constantly worry about my family friends and the shit that they’re dealing because we live in a small town) but are we not allowed to be concerned about the rise of antisemitic hate crimes that’s has also been happening?

-also I can’t believe I have to say this but…stop calling for a global intifada!!! Y’all know what that is? Do really want to call for a global attack on all jews/Israelis? Like what the actual hell?! Why would you want that?!? What is wrong with y’all? This is why i have trust issues.

-also can you stop blockading synagogues/hospitals/college campus buildings/etc and harassing jews who’s have nothing to do with this whole war??? Like what’s the point? Do y’all think that we have Israel’s president phone number? You pulling that shit isn’t doing anything but causing harm to those that you are harassing. Also idk maybe stop spewing out antisemitic shit at your protests? And stop calling jews/Israelis Nazis- because that is so f-ed up. Just don’t do it.

I am proud of being Jewish. I should not be called a heartless bitch, monster, or moron (just some of the shit I’ve been called ) for calling out antisemitism and being worried about Israeli citizens who are also affected by this war. I do care about the Palestinians who are victims of this war but I also care about the Israeli citizens- they are treated like shit. Don’t blame them for something that they did not do. You attacking random jews online and in person is not helping with stopping the war. It’s making things worse. And y’all wonder why us jews don’t feel safe…

Am Yisrael Chai! ✡️ and for all those who have died, may your memory be a blessing.

[sysmedsaresexist]

What you're doing is incredibly brave. We really appreciate the risk you're taking sharing your journey. It's awesome to see someone so vocal and with such reach openly change their stance.

We wanna know some of your thoughts about something you've been saying in all of this, about CDDs being separate from endogenic plurality. Specifically, your thoughts on when the two do meet. Like, endogenic systems that get traumatized and develop CDD symptoms? Or CDD systems that practice headmate creation, and find created headmates working like the rest of their system? Or folks in either category that relate a lot with those in the other?

We're curious because we exist in that in-between; a system with DID due to trauma, but that doesn't view our plurality itself as coming from trauma.

And if you're not at all interested in that area of overlap, or in sharing those thoughts, no worries! Have a great day!

This is a pretty nuanced ask and each mod has a different view on things, so we'll all answer!

Mod Signal: I believe that endogenic plurality and the plurality found in CDD systems works differently, but that intersection you're talking about can exist. The majority of resources for CDD systems involve how to deal with trauma and different alters reactions to it. If an endogenic system goes through some shit and gets trauma later in life, and can get use out of grounding guides, or how to deal with flooding, I say use those guides (and literally anyone can improve their mental health from therapy as long as the therapist. You know. Isn't a cunt.) That being said. There are also endos who are very certain they're endos when they may have.... a bit more trauma than they thought. And that's normal. Incredibly so. But endogenic communities can lead to a bit more harm than good occasionally with those systems if they insist that the system in question isn't or couldn't be a cdd system, or encourages them not to look into resources on how to deal with trauma.

As far as purposefully created alters, they absolutely exist, and I know CDD systems that have created alters with it going ok, and CDD systems who have been *horribly* hurt trying. I've seen some tulpamancy guides out there that made me wince the whole time I've read them. Not because they're cringy, but because any time a CDD system fucks around with purposeful dissociation, it's Incredibly easy to fuck yourself up by accident. Even some guides to meditation can be harmful to systems if you don't go slowly and pay attention to your body (something that's already very, very easy to ignore if your system, like mine, is made of 90% pain holders lol).

It's for that reason that i haven't changed my pinned intro as "endo-neutral". I dont doubt endogenic plurality at all, but I still find a lot of critiques in the way the two communities mix. The labels are fucked anyway lol so. I dont know what label would best fit that stance. The problem does seem to be slowly fixing itself though. I'm happy that a lot of endos are leaning away from terms used by CDD systems. I view these problems for the most part as growing pains that will smooth themselves over as plurality in general becomes more accepted and more research about both sets of systems comes out.

Mod Quill: I’m feel like that’s a great jumping off point for me, someone who is so weird with syscourse that labels don’t fit me. I believe in endogenic plurality, I really do, but I also know this community has done so much harm to CDDs and vice versa. Part of me wants everyone to go to time out corners and think about what they’ve done.

In terms of the overlap between endogenic and CDD systems… I think defining it, at this point, is frankly meaningless, particularly for the reasons Signal stated. There’s so many endogenic systems who are actually CDD systems. On one hand, I want them to be able to access CDD spaces because, well, they have a CDD… but on the other, as someone who’s been horrifically damaged by endogenic spaces, who has spread a lot of misinformation and been fed a lot of misinformation due to those experiences… I’m wary of letting someone like that into a highly fucking traumatized space. (But I also have feelings about CDD spaces in general…)

At the end of the day, I feel like it’s not my place to draw that line. It’s up to each individual and their own system where they draw the line, and so long as it’s in-line with current understandings of CDDs and they don’t speak their personal experiences as if they’re gospel truth for all systems, I have no issues. If someone says they have endogenic DID (as in, they formed DID with absolutely no trauma), it’s not my place to directly confront that person and tell them that’s not possible; but if they shout from the heavens about how people are ignoring the truth, I’m going to post the truth as I know it, with sources to back it up.

The same goes for this overlap. A system who says “Hey, I have created alters, and I’m a DID system, and those things overlap?” Cool! Awesome! That’s actually my type of system. A system who goes, “Therefore, DID systems should split new alters for the benefits it has”? Allow me to traumadump about how my system completely destabilized due to that practice. The overlap is there, but it’s not for me to define for others; not unless they make their experiences universal.

Mod Robo: Oh boy, I have a lot of Thoughts on all of these questions! It's stuff I think about often. I love talking about all the in-betweens and overlaps, and I'd love to hear about your experiences too. Unfortunately, I don't think I can jam all of my thoughts in this post (it's already long enough) so I'll just talk about your first question.

First off, I want to say that I don't think it's all that unusual for someone with a CDD to feel like they've always been plural, even before their CDD. Of course, spiritual beliefs can play a role in that. Let's put spiritual reasonings aside though and look at it from a purely psychological view. It's our belief that all of our alters -- everything that can be them, will become them, etc. -- it's all there from the start. We don't believe that alters come out of a vacuum. All of my alters were born the day our body was born. Many of us did not exist as alters yet, but the foundation for us existed!

To give a personal example: some of us have memories of childhood that predate our existence as alters. These memories predate our knowledge of being a system or having DID. We've wondered how it's possible to have memories that predate our existence as alters. How is it possible for several alters to have these same memories, and feel as if it's their own but also not? How is it possible that we can't really attribute "who" those memories belong to other than just...us? All of us? It didn't fit into the mainstream idea that alters are supposed to be these distinct, clear-cut people sharing a body, with separate memories and no overlap, no utterance of our existence before becoming a separate alter.

Children aren't born with an integrated self. You probably know the whole spiel -- the mind integrates as you get older, blah blah blah. So, in our opinion, we were never not plural. We had an unintegrated mind full of parts as a child, and we grew up into an adult with an unintegrated mind full of parts and eventually a DID diagnosis.

I get that some people don't see themselves as existing before their CDD and that's okay, I understand that. I also relate to that, in a way! It can be weird to consider because you as the alter didn't exist until later on. But you as the brain did, if that makes sense.

All that being said, I believe that "endogenic CDDs" are a completely separate concept from "endogenic systems with CDDs." CDDs are diagnoses -- they have specified symptoms, diagnostic criteria, and treatment. Diagnoses are not people. You are. That's why plurality is such an incredibly personal thing, after all. We're literally talking about your own mind. Your self/selves. Your internal reality. No duh there are gonna be people who conceptualize and talk about it in different ways. Like, I firmly believe that's NEVER going to be clear cut and easy to understand.

OG Dude: First, I have to say, thank you to my mods. Their responses are fantastic, I support all of them. I brought them all in pretty early, and I wouldn't be where I am without them. Their pro/endo patience while I went back and forth, screamed and yelled... I love them. I love that they saw the good in me and decided to help me run this blog.

I agree with all that they said. For clarity sake, I'll give my own thoughts, even if they overlap or repeat.

I've posted from the beginning about how a lot of things that endogenic systems talked about were actually really normal in DID systems. Created alters, characters that take on life, MADD, loving your system, dysfunction in different areas of life, on and on. I think there's more intersection than a lot of people realize, but I really like how Robo talked about personal views. It took a really long time to realize that people defining their experiences in different ways isn't necessarily a bad thing, though it's unfortunate that sometimes this confuses systems that are still learning.

Yelling and screaming isn't going to help, though. There's another ask coming, this one about my thoughts on sophie, that I think will tie into this point and expand on it a lot more, so for now, I'll move on.

I don't have all the answers. I think CDDs are something extremely specific-- I think in a few more years, diagnosis will involve brain scans, biomarkers, and we'll be able to say with a lot more certainty where that line is, and what's different.

For now, I think I've learned that the best thing I can do for myself, and everyone else, endo or CDD, is just keep pumping out information.

A couple users on here are really good examples of these lines. They have CPTSD, PTSD, whatever else they've got going on, but they still hold the belief that their plurality and CPTSD are unrelated. It took a long time to come to terms with balancing respect for that self-determination, and my expectations of technology and the specificity of CDDs (meaning like, specific biomarkers).

In the end, I realized that it boiled down to, "are people getting the help they need?" Because in the end, that's all that matters, and if someone doesn't think they need help, why am I arguing? If someone does, who am I to keep them from resources?

What if that technology doesn't reach the mainstream, what if it's decades before it's refined enough to be financially feasible in diagnosis? What if people come out with the exact same brain structure as someone with DID and still refuse to admit that the plurality is related?

Well, shit, I don't know, but I'm guessing the answer is still going to be, "Don't yell at them, respect their self-determination."

I still firmly believe that plurality and CDDs are different things. I think that treatment for CPTSD and PTSD are different, and many endos without longterm, repetitive trauma in childhood have PTSD, and would benefit more from those spaces and resources than CDD/CPTSD spaces. However, I also admit that a general PTSD space isn't going to be prepared for the complex interplay of plurality and PTSD. All that said, it's not my job to tell someone which they have, my job should be to present information on both to everyone and let people come to their own conclusions.

It's hard, but it's a skill I'm still trying to learn. Seeing more people talk about their experiences is probably the only thing that's going to help make it easier.

[cosmicjoke]

Levi’s Expression when he kills Zeke and the misinterpretation surrounding it:

I constantly see people interpret Levi’s expression when he finally kills Zeke as one of regret, or remorse, or conflict, like he doesn’t know what he should be feeling after wanting to, supposedly, viciously rip him apart.  But I think this interpretation is all wrong.  I think it’s wrong because it supposes that Levi wanted to kill Zeke out of a sense of revenge, and he didn’t.  He never, ever wanted to kill Zeke for revenge. 

People go on and on about Levi’s supposed desire to torture Zeke and make him suffer, as if this is proof of Levi’s vengeful motivation, completely ignoring how that’s always been something Levi does, threatening extreme violence  and pain without ever, actually meaning it.  He says similar things to multiple people throughout the series, including Annie, including Pastor Nick, hell, including Erwin and Historia and various others.  Levi talks rough, and he uses threats to try and extort certain, desired reactions.  But Levi isn’t sadistic.  He takes no pleasure in hurting others.  His threats of violence are almost always exaggerated, rarely followed through on, and almost always simply said in the heat of emotion.  In other words, he hardly ever actually means what he says.  That’s his famously poor ability to express himself showing.  Some might cite Levi cutting Zeke’s legs off over and over as some sort of proof of his desire to make Zeke suffer, and that in turn proving some sort of motivating factor behind his desire to kill Zeke, this wish to make him “pay” for what he’s done.  Again, this is wrong.  Yes, in that moment, when Levi is being perhaps overly violent with Zeke, it’s a sense of anger which is driving Levi’s actions.  But again, this needs to be taken in context. 

Zeke had just forced Levi into killing thirty of his comrades in order to survive himself, and prevent Zeke’s own escape.  Zeke did to Levi what is possibly the worst and cruelest thing one could do to him, forcing him to kill his fellow soldiers, when Levi’s entire identity is wrapped up in his need to protect and save the lives of his comrades, and to prevent them from dying meaningless deaths.  What could be a more meaningless way to die than that?  To be killed because you’ve been turned, against your will, into man eating monsters?  So Levi was, more than understandably, very pissed at Zeke.  He was acting out of a place of extreme hurt and probably guilt in that moment.  But this one, single instant of Levi torturing Zeke isn’t at all indicative of or representative of Levi’s core reason for wanting to kill Zeke.  It was a singular and extreme incident which spurred Levi into anger here, not his general, overall attitude toward Zeke.  Levi had up until that point kept himself under incredible control, not laying a single finger on Zeke.  He only did so after Zeke inflicted immeasurable emotional and mental harm on Levi.  So, again, this incident isn’t at all representative of the reasons behind Levi’s desire to kill Zeke, or who Levi is as a person. 

He didn’t want to kill Zeke out of a need for revenge, and it drives me up a wall that people don’t get this.  Levi wanted to kill Zeke, quite literally, to give meaning to the deaths of his comrades that died specifically to give him the chance to kill him.  He vowed to Erwin that he would kill Zeke, in exchange for Erwin’s death, and the death of the hundred other SC recruits.  With Zeke, until Levi could kill him, then, it means Erwin and the others will have died for nothing.  And anyone who understands ANYTHING about Levi’s character should know what a horrifying prospect that is to him.  Levi even says to Zeke, in the forest, that he has no idea how many of their own they’ve had to kill, and that was Zeke’s mistake in thinking Levi wouldn’t defend himself.  All those soldiers will have been turned into titans, and their lives essentially ended, for nothing, if Levi let Zeke get away in that moment.  It’s a constant weight on Levi’s shoulders, the deaths of all his comrades, and the need to give their death’s meaning and purpose.  He needs to make sure they don’t die for nothing.  In general, this means realizing their dream of a world free of titans and free of the walls.  Realizing a world in which humanity can live freely and without fear.  With the soldiers in Shinganshina, again specifically, it means delivering Zeke’s death. 

So, getting back to my initial point about Levi’s expression when he kills Zeke, at last.  The key phrase here is at last.  His expression is one of almost pained shock.  Okay.  His brows are knitted, his eyes are almost stunned, like he’s in disbelief.  People who are Zeke apologists want to interpret this as Levi feeling some kind of remorse or like he’s coming to some sort of realization about his hatred for Zeke, like he never should have hated him or wanted to kill him to begin with, because Zeke was just a poor, misunderstood baby.  This interpretation is wrong, imo, because it completely ignores all the context of what was behind Levi’s drive to kill Zeke in the first place, and especially the moments leading up to him finally executing Erwin’s final order.  

Levi’s expression isn’t one of conflict, or remorse.  It’s one of disbelief.  Remember this.  Now let’s recall that in the moments before he finally kills Zeke, Levi is thinking about how he’s not going to be able to do it.  He realizes his physical condition isn’t going to allow him to execute Erwin’s final order, that he’s in no fighting shape and that his chances of actually completing the task at that point are next to none.  He’s obviously deeply regretful about this.  It pains him immensely.  But he’s also accepting of it.  Levi is resigning himself in this moment to not being able to fulfill his vow, to not being able to give the deaths of the soldiers that died that day in Shinganshina meaning. 

And then Zeke pops up out of nowhere, waving Levi down and opening himself up to an easy execution shot.  Levi says “You’ve got to be kidding me.” when he sees Zeke.  Again, that’s an expression of disbelief.  He can’t believe that Zeke is just there, waiting to be killed.  After all the struggle and multiple failures on Levi’s part to fulfill this one, final order from Erwin, and after resigning himself to what seemed the obvious fact that he wouldn’t be able to, suddenly he’s being presented with the chance to do it.  Just like that.  And so, of course, Levi takes the shot, and he kills Zeke, and at last, at last, he fulfills the vow he made for all the soldiers that gave their lives that day.

This isn’t Levi coming to some sort of epiphany about Zeke actually being a poor victim or not such a bad guy and feeling regret over killing him because of that.  Levi had no way of even knowing the content of Zeke’s conversation with Armin, or why he was suddenly presenting himself to be killed.  It wouldn’t have mattered to Levi, either way, because he didn’t want to kill Zeke out of hatred or a desire for revenge.  How anyone could think, then, that Levi’s expression has anything to do with regret, or disappointment or remorse, is beyond me. 

It’s RELIEF.  The expression we see on Levi’s face is one of relief.  Levi is relieved, because he finally, finally can unburden himself of his vow when he’d been convinced he wouldn’t be able to fulfill it, and give his fallen comrades peace through the vows fulfillment.  He can finally say to them that their deaths had meaning, and it won’t be a lie. 

It was the weight of four years of guilt and obligation finally being lifted off his shoulders.  That’s what Levi’s expression means. 

[xx-slug-xx]

My problem with Vivziepop right now has more to do with the way she handles the real life situations she’s gotten herself into more so than anything within the media she’s created tbh

If someone likes Hazbeen or Helluva, cool. I watched HB, and I did enjoy it to some extent. Personally not my favorite thing in the world, but people have a right to enjoy it for whatever reason they want. And HH’s pilot was fun. I have high hopes for when it gets released. But honestly, despite my high hopes, I know what the creator is like and her actions are something that’s not cool to me.

Vivziepop has severely underpaid her employees, and it’s blatantly obvious she cares more than her top dollar, broadway VAs than she does anyone else. She had amazing VAs during the pilot! It would have been great to see them work on something large scale! But they were replaced with people that Vivzie sees as (essentially) celebrities. No hate to the current VAs! I’m sure that they’ve done an amazing job! But Vivzie’s choice is something I don’t really agree with personally. I’m more in favor of letting smaller VAs have a crack at something bigger. Plus, seeing the trailer, it’s obvious that her animators are overworked and underpaid.

That aside, I will not be complaining too too much about the show itself outside of this. I keep seeing people complaining about how it’s terrible for portraying abuse a certain way and how the art style is horrible. There’s better ways to do everything, and I do have my opinions that align with what a lot of people say, but it’s her show and she can depict and create whatever she wants.

However, her poc characters appeal to stereotypes and don’t even look like the ethnicities that she says they are. Yes, they are demons. Demons have different features outside of humans. That’s obvious. But to say that Alaster is “black rep” is a slap to the face. He’s a villain, has absolutely no black features to the point of (what I would say) white washing, and the voodoo he uses is depicted more so as “black magic” for the aesthetic and perpetuating the idea that voodoo is evil than what it actually is. Alaster has really good potential, and I think the idea is cool. A deer/demon radio host with that old radio-stay voice sounds really fun! But they way Vivzie has gone about him is actively harmful to call it “black representation” imo. Rebecca Sugar created better black rep with multicolored aliens, and it was damn good too! She has the right to create her characters however she wants, but I think it’s harmful that she’s saying that her characters are good representation for minorities. Not to say people can’t feel represented by these characters, but it just feels off for her to act like she’s doing good outright.

Plus, she hasn’t addressed any controversies that have been brought up. I understand the whole “don’t fuel the haters” thing, but it’s so rude to act like anyone who has any sort of criticism towards her is all of a sudden a “hater”. People have genuine concerns about what she’s doing and the way she’s treating the people who work for her. Ignoring criticism at this point is, frankly, unprofessional at best and harmful at worst. The best part is that she actively likes post defending her misdeeds and complains about how “toxic” people are who disagree with her. Yeah, the internet is full of toxic people and no creator is going to be im he to toxic people. Especially large creators! I’ve seen toxic Vivziepop haters, they are obnoxious and complain about everything she does. Even before what’s been going on more recently. That’s not what’s happening here and that’s not what I’m talking about.

Just speaking my thoughts on the matter, especially since I keep seeing people say she’s a pedo or pedo supporter for hiring proshippers onto her team. I’m proship, let me be clear about that. It doesn’t matter who she’s hired or what they create. I’m way more concerned about the actual harmful things she’s doing than I am with the glorification of abuse in her work of fiction or what the people she hires creates in their own works of fiction. Tired of people virtue signaling and saying “eww yuck proshippers”, when there’s better things to worry about with the Helluverse. People need to make money, and the people who are creating this show aren’t making much as it is. Don’t dog pile her team when they are actively trying to create something while making money to live. Don’t hate artists because of what they create or what labels they call themselves. It doesn’t matter. How they treat real people does, and Vivzie has proven (to me at least) that she treats real people kinda shitty

Just sharing my opinion lol, nobody has to agree with me, and I do enjoy looking at other peoples points of view. Also not saying that you can’t enjoy her work or watch her shows! Just shouting into the void tbh!

[buckera]

☀️ writing patterns ☀️

rules: list the first line(s) of your last 10+1 posted fics and see if there's a pattern!

because we'll all arrive in heaven alive

buddie | 51.4k and counting | Explicit

Thursday, day 5

Buck was still trying to wrap his head around what had happened, it was all so quick; the rain, the debris, the mudslide and then the moment of radio silence before the chaotic explosion of noise.

“We’re not giving up on him.” Bobby had said at the time, but after four days, it has become abundantly clear that instead of a search and rescue, most people have already started to treat this as a recovery mission; except they still haven’t recovered the person who mattered the most.

And When You Speak, Angels Sing From Above

buddie + Shannon centric | 2.8k | Gen

Eddie should’ve seen it coming; the fancy restaurant, the idle evening walk in the city and the arranged sleepover giving them all night to be alone. In his defense, he was blinded by how perfect it all seemed.

Right up to the moment they got home, tangled into each other, rolling along the walls of the hallway, kissing and giggling at the increasingly silly things that Buck kept saying — then, Buck was suddenly gone from his personal space, getting down on one knee in front of him instead, saying words that rang through Eddie’s ears, without their meaning managing to penetrate the walls of his brain.

It didn’t matter.

no harm, no foul

buddie | 4.9k | Mature

The last couple of days felt… Well, honestly, confusing would be the word Buck would use.

The one thing that became clear in the recent weeks, was that he and Eddie were done pretending that there wasn’t something going on between them. (Right after spending at least two months violently dismissing any notion of such an idea, while simultaneously wondering if the other was doing the same. God, they could be really stupid sometimes… Buck was honestly surprised they even made it this far like this.)

Unfortunately, that clarity still left something else much more blurry; their direction.

we’ve got something permanent (i mean in the way we care)

buddie | 7.1k | Explicit

In hindsight, Eddie should’ve seen it coming from a mile away, after the week they’ve had.

It started out by having two days off back to back — which Eddie had planned on using to lay about the house, maybe with some slow make out sessions peppered in, while Chris was at school.

Apparently, Buck had other ideas.

Keep My Heart Warm In Yours

buddie | 18.5k | Mature

The whole thing started with Youtube — as most things do when 12-year-olds are concerned.

Christopher shuffled into the living room with determination, where Eddie was trying to figure out the settings of his new smart TV and Buck was folding and flipping the instruction manual back and forth, trying to find the beginning of it when Chris shoved his phone under his nose.

Of Love, Hospital Jitters And Christmas Lights

buddie | 6.3k | Teen + Up

“MOVE! MOVE! MOVE!” Buck shouted frantically as he pushed past people and ran through the sliding doors leading to the ER.

A nurse ran up to him immediately, waving to people behind herself for help and Buck felt his fingers go numb with fear as he tried to focus on her face.

You Ring, I Drool

buddie | 8.6k | Explicit

Eddie had long realized the resemblance, but it started to become more and more evident lately — and much harder to ignore.

Simply put; Buck was like a dog. In more ways than one.

If This Is What The Season Is Bringing

buddie | 2k | Teen + Up

December 25th 2021

Buck went straight to the fridge after he kicked his door shut. He really needed a beer right about now.

Okay, so Eddie was leaving the 118. Fine.

Well, not fine, nowhere near fine actually.

Out Of Order, Still In Line

buddie | 6.2k | Explicit

Buck could barely believe that today was finally The Day.

After weeks of power outages, paperwork mix-ups, unauthorised appointments and last minute emergencies, Buck finally made it to the Clinic.

And now here he was.

I Was Betting On Forever (But Forever Comes And Goes)

buddie | 4k | Teen + Up

Eddie was startled awake by the forceful ring of his phone.

He reached over to the nightstand blindly with an annoyed huff and pulled the phone off of the charger. He held it above his face, the brightness of the screen making him squint as he read the caller ID.

Unknown Caller.

Coming On Ever So Strong / Coming Off Ever So Soft

buddie | 14.7k | Explicit

Today

Buck didn’t have the best track record when drunk.

That was probably the explanation why his head was pounding like someone was trying to break into his skull with a sledgehammer. And why there was someone pressed up to his side in his own bed.

☀️✨☀️✨☀️

oh I feel so exposed lmao all those pointed single sentence lines dropped in there, just to set the tone are definitely something I swear by... I also use timestamps a lot cuz I love to jump all over the place and then of course there's my dearest friend; in medias res.

I was tagged by the wonderful @jeeyuns @exhuastedpigeon and @wikiangela mwuahhh 💛 and I'm totally no pressure tagging @malewifediaz @spagheddiediaz @daffi-990 @diazsdimples @watchyourbuck and whoever else feels like giving this a go ✨

[cosmiicblink]

hi. i don’t normally need / want to make these kinda posts. but after finding out our ex abuser is still on the internet i need to make a quick list of shit they’ve done ( mostly to us. but they’ve done horrible things to others, too ). i do not feel comfortable posting screenshots of their messages to us for personal reasons. i apologize. this post is about sadsadperson or thorncoveredstatues ( their nsfw account )

warning for sexual themes, SH, and other sensitive topics under the cut

to keep it short, they have groomed us, continued to talk about sexual content involving HMSW. they would specifically have one of our headmates which i will be referring to as “A” for privacy reasons, come up with ideas and continue to tell them about any sexual acts in headspace. they would pressure A into doing sexual things with other headmates and ignore us / get extremely upset if we didn’t. overtime they got A to fully only thing they were wanted if they spoke about sexual content, when this was brought up they later used it against us as a reason to keep talking about sexual content after finding out our age. for context, we lied and said we were fifteen for a long period of time, and then told them our actual age ( fourteen, thirteen at the time a month or so away from our birthday ). they forgave us and directly told us that they’re fine with it. we had been dating for a while at the time. they originally were only dating one headmate who i will refer to as “R” and then guilted us into fully dating them. they also claim to be a system, while saying they do not have any trauma and it is proven they will fake having alters. they have also sexualized trans men ( like me and our current boyfriend ) and treated them like their afab bodies. they also once said when referring to hmsw “make them trans, not for the rep or anything, but cunts”. they’d also gaslight us into thinking we did things that we did Not do. we have severe amnesia because of DID and if we told them we felt like they were lying to us. they’d reflect and say they felt like we were telling them they were doing things they weren’t. they would also regularly spread lies about us ( like pressuring them into sexual talk, when they forced R into sexting once. ) with the intent to isolate us and get other people to hate us. they would regularly openly talk about SH for pity, without any warnings around people they knew had their own issues surrounding it. they stated they wanted “worse trauma” to two SA victims ( me and a friend ) and would regularly say that they wanted to have SA trauma. they would get upset if we spoke to other people. ever. they would also purposefully try to get new headmates to be “sourced from them” so they could control them. our HMSW headmates are all sourced from their fanfictions, and they would non consensually use this to harm them. ex; giving W kinks as a way to publically humiliate him without consent, while he was actively telling them to stop. they would sexualize our and other’s trauma. along with a lot of an endless cycle being from a FRIEND who they stole ideas from. they also would take information they guilted A into telling them and put it into their nsfw fics. they’d try to purposefully get us and others to split, and. if i’m being honest, are most likely not a system considering they originally said they were a system after we came out as one. and then suddenly without any pre tense or amnesia claimed to be a DID system after we did. they would do similar things with other disorders. ex: saying they had BPD right after we figured out we did, while complaining about our symptoms of our mental & physical disorders to others. they would send our BPD splits caused by them accusing us of lying about everything ( after we expressed we thought we were going insane ) and send screenshots to other people. without context. they would also manipulate us into drawing nsfw content of HMSW, we did not want to draw this. but they wouldn’t show us love or affection otherwise. they’d also promise they’d pay us for drawing other non nsfw things and then never did. even after we reminded them. they also claimed that someone desvered to be left because of having an addiction because they did. in SOURCE, they’d frequently say and act like they had the ability to speak on subjects they had no part in just because it happened in their sources. which they’d change depending on if it was convinent. they’d also take criticize and make fun of people who read non-con / dub-con to cope. as a NON. SA. VICTIM. let me emphasize, they are NOT

[treepilgrim]

Thoughts about Amane’s MV (spoilers ahead!):

okay. amane’s MV. Very sad and all, very dark. Looks like (or at least implied that) she killed her abusive, horrid excuse for a caretaker, or someone equally as deserving. That’s great, good for her. Almost makes me want to vote her innocent! BUT.

I’m seeing a lot of people gunning for voting her not guilty, and before we do anything, I think we really need to discuss the ramifications of voting Amane innocent. So let’s look at the facts/results of trial 1:

- Amane is actively hostile to Shidou, even when restrained.

- Shidou is still keeping Fuuta and Mahiru alive (while it is possible to claim that they are already stable, I doubt they’ve gone past the need for continued medical attention).

- Given Amane’s severe aversion and hatred of modern medicine, if she is voted innocent, there is a non-zero chance for Shidou to be mauled to death.

That’s not good! That’s very bad. That’s very very bad. I don’t care that she used to believe in modern medicine, I don’t care that she is still a child, I don’t care that the MV shows her tragic backstory and is spoonfeeding us reasons for us to forgive her out of empathy. The fact remains that as of this point in Milgram, Amane detests modern medicine and will probably do something about it if she is released from her restrains. The fact also remains that the producers of Milgram is filled with sadists who like to watch us writhe and suffer, and it is painfully obvious that this MV in particular was specifically crafted to make Amane look sad and make you vote her guilty. Doing something like this isn’t below them.

I recognize that we may have made a mistake in the first trial by meta-voting her guilty, but that was done out of ignorance for how Milgram works, and our naivety with regards to the actual impact of our vote. But now, we have that information, and I urge you to consider my words. Just pause and hover above that innocent button and think: “What will happen if she’s no longer restrained?” You think Shidou can hold her own against a child? He loves children and still feels guilty. He might just sit back and take it. You think Fuuta and Mahiru will continue receiving the medical treatment they need? Probably not. Amane will probably pull something to sabotage their treatment or something.

I may be concocting paranoid scenarios in my head, but I still think it is very possible that an innocent verdict can do more harm than good. Sorry Amane. Banger song though.

Let me know if you have any thoughts or vehement disagreements!

[karak9]

tw // reality check

uhh. just had a p-shifter interact with me and now I’m realizing seeing people who genuinely believe they can p shift is kind of a trigger for me, thanks! /s

if anyone who actually, genuinely believes in p-shifting sees this (not talking about people who experience delusions/psychosis and identify as p shifter because of it, but specifically people who argue that p shifting is REAL and spread false “science” about it):

please don’t go down this route. it was so incredibly toxic for me. the belief in p shifting itself was harmful to me because I was so caught up in this idea that I didn’t need to have a human life (I had other stuff going on but that arguably makes it worse that I was taught to believe in something this wild while in a very vulnerable state) and I remember staying up really late some nights just trying to p shift. I remember convincing myself my teeth and eyes were changing, I ignored medical problems because I thought they were signs I was turning into a wolf. I ignored my human health because I thought I wasn’t meant to be human. I did not take care of myself at all.

I was taken in by cults and toxic packs with hierarchies based on outdated misinformation about wolves. I fought with people about my p shifting belief so much that I pushed so many people away and only surrounded myself with others who agreed with me.

maybe stop and think- why have you not seen proof of p shifting, if so many people claim they can? why is there no solid evidence? does your friend who claims to be able to p shift have ridiculous rules like that they aren’t allowed to take pictures of their shifts because of the government, yet they’re able to talk freely about it online? do parts of their story ever not line up with things they’ve said before, or not make total sense? why do you think YOU are able to shapeshift and no other human has figured it out aside from a handful of super secretive people online who all have very convenient excuses to not give you solid evidence of their physical shifting?

please look up cult/manipulative behaviors and learn how to recognize them because you WILL encounter these people who are trying to manipulate you in the p shifting community, that is a fact, whether your bestie who claims to totally p shift every week is preying on you or not, someone will. please, please take care of yourself.

I wanted to be a wolf so bad. I was dysphoric and dealing with a lot of mental health issues and an abusive family and wanted SO badly to believe in p shifting that I was willing to deny reality and convince myself I was getting past some mental barrier very slowly. but nothing ever happened. it left me exhausted and hopeless, that was it. I put so much faith into something that just was never ever going to happen, and was so incredibly disappointed. it makes me so sad realizing I wasted a few years of my life trying to do the literal impossible. you can have your beliefs if you really want to but my god, do not center your entire life around a belief that has ZERO basis in reality. do not push away your friends because they disagree with you. do not ruin your human life because you think you will become an animal and run away from society to live in the woods.

also don’t interact if you’re going to argue that actually p shifting is real because of this outdated science article that is extremely vague or because “nothing is impossible, only improbable”. been there, done that, debunked everything you could throw at me and now I’m just tired of seeing young people fall down the wrong path and knowing nothing I can say will convince them that p shifting isn’t real. it’s like trying to tell someone their religion is fake- there’s no way to prove it isn’t real but there’s no proof it exists either (and your super blurry picture of someone wearing a fake mermaid tail doesn’t count as proof), but we all know how religion can hurt people (not always, but it can).

[oatmeal-stans-the-trash-rat]

Tell It to Me, My Dearest Star

Almost done with this wonderful week of these dorks. Sorry for the 'blast from the past' bit at the beginning, I RAN with this (lmao). If ya want to be added or taken off the taglist, pls ask!

Pairing: Logince, gen

Trigger/Content Warning: insecurity, violent imagery/metaphors (I guess?) 

Description: Logan starts to infodump to Roman, but he stops himself before he can get “annoying”. Roman sees the lights dim in his friend’s eyes, and he refuses to let Logan feel so grey for any longer.

Extra: written for Day 6: Tell Me About It of @loginceweek2024! Features my headcanon that when Logan gets really excited or happy about something, his pupils and irises turn into stars (like a star shape instead of a normal circle) and his eyes glow a little more indigo. It operates a lot like Virgil’s purple eyeshadow. Edit: so, I ended up writing them as implicitly queerplatonic and alterous. That was an accident, but we need more qpp and alterous partnerships always. Writing this drabble is also how I realized I'm alterous (lmao).

[Masterlist] | ao3 link

[read under the cut]

No matter what anyone else says, Roman cannot find anything better than listening to Logan speak about things that excite him. 

He’s aware he hasn’t been the most obvious about wanting to listen. In the past, he’s had a tendency to ignore Logan or joke at his expense. He’s silenced him before, and that… god, Roman still feels guilty over it. He was much less focused on ‘how will this affect him?’ and a lot more on desperately getting praise from wherever he could get it. He’s not proud of it. The Prince had been more in Survival Mode, and positive attention and praise was so scarce, and then everything he grew up on- all of his structure for right and wrong and do’s and don'ts- it all came crumbling down, and he- he- well, it got fucked real quick. When Logan and Roman finally talked calmly after such a long time of being opposed, he realized just how much in common they had when it came to being hurt. He’s trying to do better, now. He and the nerd are healing, together, and are trying for each other and themselves. Now, Roman refuses to give into old habits of saying shut up, and he encourages Logan to talk more. Now, Logan is much more mindful of his critiques towards Roman and his work, finally beginning to understand what Roman being the Ego actually means. And they’ve both apologized. Every time they feel they need to, every time the other needs apologetic closure, and only when they need to. If one of them starts saying sorry, I’m sorry for something they shouldn’t have to be sorry for, or have already expressed being sorry for, then the other will gently remind them that it’s okay, we’re past that, there’s no need for you to apologize, let’s just breathe for a minute. 

And they both have some mixed feelings over Janus to bond over, especially when he or Patton are still pricks. Maybe they don’t do it consciously, but those two have a lot to work through before certain things can be considered to be forgiven or not. Until then, tensions still rise in the air. 

One thing that remains very important for everyone to work on is not silencing literal Logic when he disagrees or brings up a different point. That’s a nasty habit they all developed at some point. Patton and Roman have done it the longest, then Virgil slowly fell into that line, then Janus was… Janus, and Remus only really did it during his introductory video to prove a point. Unlike most of the Others, Remus made sure that Logan understood he didn’t mean it to harm Logan, just so the Others would start listening to or acknowledging him once in a while. Well, in his own way, at least. Something about a stained, makeshift mini book of poetry making it to Logan’s desk, presumingly signed by the Duke with some weird Remus-typical note attached. It helped, as far as Logan’s concerned. It was the first apology he’d gotten in a long time. He and Remus would spend time together sometimes after that, after the whole situation with Working Through Intrusive Thoughts, and made some sort of… alliance? Friendship? Whatever it is, it works for them. They’re both finally getting listened to, now. In the ways that they need to be. And acknowledged, just like they both dreamed. 

From what Logan remembers, Virgil was the next to make an effort in healing his bond with the detective. It was awkward, to say the least, after realizing he was beginning to treat Logan like he was treated before his Acceptance. That realization was like a bullet to his chest, a brick to his head, a train- well, you get the point. The first attempted apology was horribly cringe- to Virgil, anyway- and nerve-wrecking and clumsy. After a few more quiet, honest talks in the middle of the night when neither could sleep, Logan slowly became less and less tense around him. Virgil developed a different habit, one where he checks in on the astrophile by leaning against him and letting himself rumble like a cat. It has the same effects as a cat purring, and it eventually became routine when the other couldn’t sleep. They’d meet in the nerd’s room- we already learned what happens when the Lights are in Virgil’s room for too long, so that’s a no-go- and lean against each other, either until someone was ready to talk or until they decided to sleep and cuddle the rest of the night away. 

Then, it was Roman. Out of everyone- well, every Side, technically Thomas had started working on things with his Logic sometime after Remus’ appearance, and others followed suit- he’s not proud to admit it took him more time than the other two to get out of his self-pitying head. So, when he first talked and apologized to his nerdy companion, Logan almost… he didn’t break down, not entirely, but there was a lot of anger and hurt that finally got released. Roman saw for himself the orange glow of it hurts, why, why, why, make it stop, please make it stop, and it terrified him. It terrified him because Logan was hurting so much- he still is, but he has some support now- and Roman was a part of the damn cause of it. That first apology ended with a sobbing, orange-eyed Logan being held tight in the knight’s arms, never to be left so alone ever again. That began their journey of revealing their hurt and pain to each other, and though Roman hadn’t been the first, he’d become the absolute closest to the poor astrophile rather quickly. It was like a switch flicked on in their brains, and… and it opened a lot of realizations for both of them. Logan learned what being the Ego entails for the princely Side, and realized how awful he’d been without truly noticing. 

Of course, all that being said, there’s still times when someone relapses and lashes out against the wrong people, or tells someone to shut up, no one likes listening to you when it’s been made known that’s the worst thing they can do. Luckily, with the help of those who are trying and are healing, there are apologies and weighted blankets and cuddle piles and half-jokes about something they know won’t hurt anyone. They’ll want movies without anyone’s triggers in them, and they’ll sleep until it’s time for dinner or until morning comes. 

But, of fucking course, not everyone is so nice and shit. Patton and Janus are seemingly in their own healing bubble, working with each other, but still they somehow in some damn way aren’t very good with the Others. Janus and Remus have become… complicated with each other, as Remus comes to Roman’s defense a lot more than either of them thought he would. The twins themselves are trying to reconnect after so many years of being separated and at opposite ends. 

Perhaps Janus and Patton are trying, but it’s just… well, it’s a lot more complicated with how things have gone. It’s not like they’re not trying. They are, in their own way, but all the damage done runs deep, deep, deep into the bones of bodies. Maybe it’s just easier to try with each other more than with the Others. Maybe, there’s just some unforgivable things, and some Sides who need more time. Maybe, just maybe… it’ll end up alright, someday, somehow, in some sort of mutual agreement of how to help Thomas. Maybe some things will never truly heal, will never truly be gone, but they all can still try and get as close to okay as they can. 

But I digress. Enough about the past! It’s done and gone. Why not focus on some brighter, better things?

Roman cannot find anything better than listening to Logan speak about things that excite him.

It’s not just because of his voice. Logan’s voice gets passionate when talks. You can hear the difference between things he says because they’re relevant and important, and the things that he knows eons-worth of knowledge on because he wants to. He’s a curious facet. If it interests him, truly, Roman’s seen him read and read and read until his eyes pop out his head- figuratively, Remus, you chaotic gremlin- and not stop unless someone can kindly force him into bed and sleep. Oh, it’s not just his wonderful voice. It’s also the way he lights up, the entirety of him, when he rants for hours and hours on things like constellations or Doctor Who or sea otters. It’s the way his hands flap excitedly as he paces and rambles. It’s the way he snaps his fingers without realizing, or when he clicks a forgotten pen mindlessly in one hand as he sits. He can’t keep still, not when he really talks and talks, no, how can someone keep still when all this repressed energy finally gets a chance to burst out and dance around? He bounces his leg or taps his fingers on the table, or he’ll even rock slightly in his seat. Maybe the pen clicking or the snapping can be a little annoying to hear, but it’s not that much and Roman will gladly endure any ‘annoyance’ so his beloved friend can stim all his excitement in a safe environment. He understands, to some degree- he stims too, he gets excited and can’t sit still, he gets it- and he knows that not everyone has the patience for snapping and clicking and rocking. Logan deserves to express himself, beyond anything, and Roman feels honoured that the detective feels comfortable enough to do it around him. 

Where was he going with this… oh, right!

It’s not just his stimming and his voice, though they’re very good reasons, but it’s also the way his eyes literally get starry. It’s similar to Virgil’s eyeshadow, for a point of reference, in how Roman theorizes it works. His pupils and irises turn into this star shape, and his eyes glow and shimmer this vibrant indigo that he hasn’t really seen before. It’s- oh, it’s magnificent! Roman could stare for hours at those wonderful eyes. He could, and he has, and they’re so beautiful. He’s… god, he adores Logan so much and is so glad he gets to see Logan like he does. They used to be constant opposites, and now- now, he gets to be close with him. 

Roman knows how he sounds, but it’s not like that. It’s not in a romantic sense, not fully. Maybe it’s, like, semi-romantic-ish. But mostly it’s this endless care for his friend- best friend, if he so dares- and he’s so happy. He’s happy! He’s happy with Logan. It’s this platonic-not-platonic, queer, strange feeling that makes his heart alive. He’s not sure how to describe it. All he knows, thanks to building up courage to talk it out with Logan, is that his astrophile feels the same. Neither knows how to label it, but maybe it’s better unlabelled. It’s them, and they’re happy with the way they are. They’re happy with each other, and that’s all that matters. 

“-reading a book on jellyfish breeds a few days ago, and I learned about Aurelia Aurita. They’re more commonly known as Moon Jellyfish. Did you know they went into space as an experiment in 1991? They also are the oldest multi-organ animal, dating back 500 million years. Think of how far back that dates, Roman! Dinosaurs only date back 250 million years, about half the amount of Moon Jellyfish. Creatures older than the prehistoric era! Oh, and get this: they also- also…”

Logan stops forcefully himself mid-sentence, stilling his pacing and pen clicking he’d been doing. His eyes, which are star-shaped and vibrant, fade back into that greyish blue, circular thing they usually are. The light literally dims from his eyes, and his face and body and stance. Roman’s eyebrows furrow, mildly confused and concerned for his companion. Logan puts his pen in his shirt pocket with the rest of them, looking a little lost and hazy. He blinks, shaking his head slightly, and turns to Roman. His prince has been sitting in his chair and staring this entire time, he notes, and he sits across from him on the other side of the table. They’re in the Mindscape’s Library. Rather it’s more Logan’s library, since he’s usually the only one- besides maybe Janus- who uses it. Point is Logan’s forcing himself to be still and quiet, and it hurts a soft part of Roman’s chest to see. 

“I’m sorry, Roman. I hadn’t realized I was rambling,” Logan says cooly, distant, and won’t look at Roman. 

Instead, the sweet jellyfish enthusiast looks at his hands. His hands, which twitch with the need to move move move but are otherwise denied that need. He seems to be bracing. The faint reminder of why and how much he did this in discussions and what bracing feels like- Roman knows, he’s had to do the same to survive around certain people and in certain situations- and the hurt in his chest burns the wrong way. It’s not a good burning, not like when the little fire in his heart crackles happily. No, this is an icky burning like he’s a witch set to burn for his sins on a pyre. 

“No need for an apology, specs,” Roman speaks soft and kind, eyes reflecting the same as his voice. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I appreciate the sentiment, Roman. However, I do know I can be annoying, and I wouldn’t want to annoy you with irrelevant information.”

Oh, Logan, no. No no, you could never annoy me with that voice of yours.

Roman’s gaze of concern worsens. 

“Logan- hey, hey, shh, it’s just me, Roman, okay?”

The Prince immediately soothes once his nerd flinches at the mere mention of his own name, and it makes his hurting chest ache. It aches his heart, to see him scared and tense and so sure he’s at fault. How did it dissolve so quickly into this? Where did his ranting, rambling starlight go? Why is his precious detective hurting, right now, in this moment? 

“What’s going on in that brilliant head of yours, starlight?” 

Logan eases a little at the pet name, knowing only Roman calls him that. He looks up at his knight in royal attire, his shoulders slumping once he sees the soft soft soft gaze in his eyes. 

It’s safe, he tries to remind himself and his mean brain, it’s safe with Roman. 

“There you go, my star. Now, what’s going on? How can I help you feel better?”

“I-” Logan swallows around an unnoticed lodge in his throat. “I don’t know. I’m just… I didn’t realize I was talking for so long.”

“There’s nothing wrong with talking, my star. You weren’t annoying me. I’m not going anywhere, not unless you want me to.”

“Wait- please, don’t? Please?” 

“Oh, my dearest, I’m here, I’m staying. No need to fret, dearest.”

Logan nods, more to himself than anything. His hands twitch again. 

“It’s not good to repress when you need to stim, starlight. It’s okay, you’re safe with me.”

Roman tilts his head slightly, smiling this little encouraging smile that Logan can’t help but fall prey to. He lets his fingers tap quietly, slowly on the table. Just one hand, the other now supports his chin. It’s as if he were testing to see if it’s really okay. Roman remains patient, wearing the same smile as his star slowly relaxes and stops regulating the way his fingers tap tap tap against the wood. He still wonders why Logan suddenly went from passionate rambling to that quiet bracing, but it can wait until later. 

“Feeling better, my dear detective?” Roman catches the lightest blush on Logan’s face as he playfully rolls his eyes, reacting so because of the pet name. 

His detective huffs a smile, “A little bit, yes. Thank you, dear.”

“I’m always here, Detective Jellyfish.”

Logan snorts. 

“Now, what happened there? You were so vibrant, and then the grey took that away.”

His starlight sets his support-hand next to his tapping one, letting it tap as well. He sighs, looking away from his prince again.

“It’s just one little thought. It shouldn’t matter.”

“But it does, doesn’t it?”

“Yes…”

“Are you comfortable sharing it with me, my dearest?”

“It’s- yes, I am. It’s just this thought that I’m annoying you. I used to, didn’t I? I was always told to shut up because I talked too long, and I- I guess… ugh, I don’t know. It’s like this echo that I hear but don’t hear, telling me to be quiet, don’t annoy you, to shut up. It’s so dumb.”

“It’s not dumb-”

Logan gives him a look, sassy side-eye in its finest. 

“Okay, it’s a little dumb, but that’s okay. Mean thoughts are stupid. And they aren’t right now, specs. They’re echoes of past bullshit. What’s Remus always saying, there’s no rhyme or reason to it? Didn’t you say they don’t reflect on a person’s character? Hm?”

Logan looks back to him, fully, finally, and this horribly vulnerable confusion sparkles in his eyes. 

“You listened to me?”

Roman bares a soft smile, hoping his eyes reflect his honesty. 

“Yes, I did. I’ve listened to you a lot more than I let on, specs.”

“Oh,” comes a watery voice.

“Yes, ‘oh’- oh, oh, my dear darling nerd, can I touch you?”

Logan shakes head, “I- I can’t, ‘m sorry-”

“It’s okay, sweet jellie. Need a weighted blanket? I think you left yours in my room from our movie night.”

“Please?”

“I’ve got it. I’ll be right back, okay?”

Logan nods as he sniffles, and Roman quickly sinks out. Before Logan’s mean thoughts from earlier even try to resurface, his prince is back with a star-planet-themed weighted blanket in his arms. He’s changed into soft things as well, and Logan finds himself snapping into his prized onesie. Roman carefully tugs the blanket over Logan, placing it around his shoulders and bundling his precious star into the sensory-safe fabric. Logan wipes his tears away, sniffling again. Roman sits back down at his seat once he’s sure his star is situated. 

“You were talking about moon jellies, right? What fact were you going to say, Star Bundle?”

Logan blinks, blushing at the pet name. Stupid Roman and his stupid creativity. It’s not fair that he knows him so well.

“...you really want me to continue?”

“Yes, yes, I do. Tell it to me, my dearest star,” Roman smirks as he purrs the pet name. 

Logan doesn’t pout, thank you, but it’s close. 

“Okay… well, did you know they glow in the dark?”

Roman’s fond look is all the reassurance he needs as he continues his jellyfish ranting, those beautiful star-shaped and vibrant indigo eyes returning.

Taglist: @lost-in-thought-20 @thegoldenduckie

[someartistsammy]

I’ve seen quite a few takes saying that Team Glenn aren’t really friends or don’t care about each other and I wanted to take some time to write about why I feel like that’s blatantly false. Using info from what we have in-game, from the character intros, and with a piece from an interview with those working on the game.

To start off, when we were initially given the character intros before the full release, we were told some basic information on the characters. Matt was asked by Glenn to join him on the mission, and Lucia outright volunteered to go with. Both had the option to turn it down or to not volunteer but they decided to go with, neither were obligated.

Upon the opening section of the game, if you choose the option of “Guess I should wake her.” to rouse Lucia, she will tell Glenn “…How many times do I have to tell you not to wake me up like that?” This gives us the idea that either they’ve worked multiple previous overnight or crash-landing missions together, with Glenn startling her awake with the idea of being attacked, or that they’re used to existing in a shared space where she can be woken up by him.

When they’re going around looking for Matt, Glenn mentions owing him money. This is said to be for lunch and drinks. This is something done off-clock, and not something Matt is obligated to do in the least. They spend time around each other outside of work.

When looking at the opening movie for the original version of The First Soldier, the battle royale version, we get to see that Glenn, Matt, and Lucia, all meet each other back in 1988. The mission to the Rhadore Archipelago takes place in 1992, so the three of them have known each other for roughly 4 years. Lucia actually rescues them on that mission, and outright says “If I hadn’t gotten you two out of trouble, we would’ve never become friends.” Which tells us that they do continue to view each other as friends. Not only this, but later after the mission they met on, they take their SOLDIER exam together as a team. This meaning that they continued to stay in contact after that event and work together, and even practiced specifically as a team.

They all have to have at least some degree of being close to each other, if not at least Matt and Lucia, who are able to actually communicate with each other with nothing more than nods directed at each other. They do this roughly 4 times in the story up to the end of the current release of Chapter 5.

Later, in Padapili Sea Cave, if you choose to have Glenn eat the fruit all by himself, he uses it as a slight way to mess with Lucia. She voices concern over the possibility of it being poisonous, and is concerned when he takes a bite of it without hesitation. Upon collapsing to the ground, she gets extremely frustrated and concerned telling him to spit it out. Glenn pointed it out as a moment to say nothing is more scary than ignorance, but she was truly upset by thinking he could’ve or was actively being harmed. This is a slightly mean way of messing with her, but it gives a moment to show that she does care about him.

Glenn does overuse the nickname “Professor” for Matt and it does upset Matt, but it never feels intentionally malicious or like its making fun of Matt. It’s a part of showing that they aren’t perfect and all have their flaws, Glenn’s happens to be boundaries and being a bit of a troublemaker. Although we haven’t seen as much of it from Matt, the initial idea of the First Soldier story had Matt as the protagonist. He was intended to be diligent (perhaps even too much so) and appears to overanalyze things. This includes being prepared to view Rosen as a possible enemy as though to not compromise their mission. Lucia was designed to be the mediator or “harmonizing presence” however choosing to leave Lucia behind at the 3rd pressure plate in Chapter 3’s Main Section 4, Episode 1, will grant you dialogue between Matt and Glenn wondering if Lucia is okay and worrying that she has a lot pent up and might explode. She also has small outbursts of anger such as if Glenn chooses to eat the fruit solo. Once again, they’re all flawed in their own ways.

In the same location as the previous mentioned chapter, section, and episode, the very first pressure plate you come upon gives you the option to leave behind Glenn, Matt, or Lucia. Upon leaving behind Lucia, once you reach the other side and open the wall, she will run through. Glenn asks her what’s up, and she avoids eye contact. Upon asking “Huh? What is it?” from Glenn, Lucia will say she’s angry with herself, and look at the ground. She admits that she’s relieved to see the two of them, anger that could be founded in the possibility that they (likely) weren’t gone that long at all.

When Lucia brings up the rumor of how this mission prioritized interpersonal relationships over skill when creating teams, Glenn states he was able to “get you two without a fight.” In reference to Matt and Lucia. This could also be interpreted as they’ve attempted to get on missions with each other in the past, but that it can be a hassle to do. Matt comments that “camaraderie is a powerful thing” which by definition is “mutual trust and a friendship among people who spend a lot of time together.”

Upon the topic of Lucia saying she doesn’t want the higher-ups to think she’s a willing member of Team Glenn. This feels like it just sets in with her usual slightly biting sense of jokes that can be interpreted as being slightly rude. It’s important to remember her intro states she wasn’t asked to come along, but rather, volunteered to go with. Even if for another reason she doesn’t want to be a “willing member of Team Glenn” she’s there because she wanted to be and because she cares about Glenn and Matt.

I would also like to add that I feel one of Final Fantasy VII’s key themes could be found family, across majority of the compilation. Team Glenn might not entirely treat each other as “respectful adult friends” but rather closer to family, like siblings or cousins. They get on each other’s nerves and annoy each other, but they do also genuinely care about each other.

Following in on the topic of found family, the way they treat Sephiroth. Glenn is initially hostile towards Sephiroth, likely caused by his being put in charge as team leader, and possibly taking away Glenn’s chance at getting his bonus. The one reason he refused to call in for help. Glenn does deal with financial stress, even if caused by gambling (possibly passed down to him by his grandma. But I’ll save that for a different post.) However, once he hears what Sephiroth has to say about being a hero being a lie, he’s instantly willing to help him out. When asking what Sephiroth wants to be when he grows up, he says “Come on, tell Uncle Glenn.” (Closer to big brother in accurate translation) He misses what Sephiroth says about a normal life, but still continues to try and help him out. He also apologizes to Sephiroth multiple times throughout Chapter 5. He does feel bad for the things he said in the heat of the moment, and does clearly begin to care about him rather quickly.

Glenn, Matt, and Lucia, once Glenn’s frustration passes, instantly accept him into their group, and watch over him. Glenn already using a familial term when referring to their connection. Lucia also goes to show she cares about him when ruffling/petting his hair later on. Towards the end of Chapter 5, although Matt doesn’t have any close physical interactions with Sephiroth, he does show immediate concern upon finding out Sephiroth was injured. Showing that he does still care and worry about him, even if he hasn’t had what was considered a more touching moment. Glenn also once again apologizes to Sephiroth and hugs him.

Although it gets off to a rocky start with Sephiroth, I would argue that Glenn, Matt, and Lucia, all treat each other like pretty good friends, if not closer to the jabs family would have. Not unexpected in friendships that have been developing for possibly around 4 years either. They also eventually accept Sephiroth into their group.

Things might change later down the line, and the relationships the characters have with each other could be expanded upon and I could wind up being proven completely wrong, as we do only have through to Chapter 5 currently, but as it stands at the time of me writing this, I would say they are at least friends.

[aurevell]

Snippet Sunday

Tagged by @mirrorthoughts and @dear-massacre <3 (Yes I did switch it from "six sentence" to "snippet" because I have no self-control 😇)

This is from a Steter Christmas fic whose working title is ✨Petty Crime Boyfriends Hallmark Special✨

“Yeah, I dunno about this,” Stiles mutters dubiously, peering through the chain-link fence. When he grabs it, squinting for a closer look, the metal is icy against his skin. “It’s kind of a stretch, dude. Even for me.” The new cafe has been done for weeks, but the fence still blocks half the sidewalk, keeping pedestrians away from the new facade. Even to Stiles’s human nose, the whole area smells pleasantly of sawdust and fresh paint. “What’s the harm?” Peter asks, his tone even. Still, Stiles can hear the smirk without looking. “It’s just a peek. Sixty seconds.” “Psh. Yeah, right. Sixty seconds now, until we actually get in there and look around.” “You did say you wanted to see the inside,” Peter reminds him idly. “Yeah, but c’mon. I meant when it was finally open. And anyway, can see it fine from here,” Stiles retorts, and it’s kind of true: with the glow of the streetlight behind them, he can make out the gleam of new machinery and the dark shadows of tables and chairs. “Hey. Look, they even have folding windows. For when it’s nice out.” “Those are nice.” Peter observes. “Easy to break into.” Stiles tries his best to fight back a grin, because you really can’t encourage Peter at times like this. Give him an inch, he’ll take a mile. “Okay, just so we’re clear. We are not breaking—” “—into your new favorite coffee shop, which you haven’t shut up about for more than five minutes at a time in weeks? I’d think twice about passing on the opportunity. Once they’ve set up their security system, it won’t be as easy.” He hums, as if a thought has just occurred to him. “You know, they probably have all kinds of decor in there. For your sign collection.” There are a bunch of dark shapes spread out on the walls, some kind of decorations. A few large ones that are probably just menus or something, but smaller ones too. Could be signs, could be art. “I don’t have a—it’s not a collection.” “It’s eleven signs. What’s that you always say? Two’s a coincidence, three’s a pattern? ‘Eleven’ is probably a collection.” “Oh, fuck off,” Stiles laughs. The squeal of bending metal cuts through the quiet. Stiles drags his eyes away from the cafe windows to find Peter peeling up the bottom of the chain link fence, all casual, like it weighs no more than a sheet of paper. Peter smirks. “It’d be a crime not to.” “Peter,” Stiles replies, amused, “this is a crime. This is a literal crime.” “I bet they have those deluxe espresso machines that get you so hard.” Stiles heaves out a long-suffering sigh, taking in those dark shapes through the window, and and pretends to still be thinking about it. He briefly glances around, like anyone else is crazy enough to be out in the cold and dark this time of night, like Peter wouldn’t hear anyone within earshot anyway. Peter lifts the chain-link fence a little higher. An invitation. The same way some boyfriends might hold open a door. “Alright, fine,” he mutters under his breath. He ignores Peter’s triumphant smirk as he ducks beneath the fence. “Sixty seconds.”

No-pressure tags for @beaconfeels @darkisrising @midmorning-bomb @meggie-stardust

[neatfrog]

my oc Boldizsár for @alexfeelyx, since you said you wanted to see him lol

(ignore the shitty minigun I didn’t feel like adding a bunch of detail for a sketch)

character info below the cut for anyone else interested

Boldizsár is a character I created roughly 8-9 years ago when Fallout 4 came out. He has a twin sister named Petra, and in my Fallout canon they are members of the Gunners. (*realized I forgot to add his blood type tattoo here, but he’s B+ and Petra is A-. I have no clue if twins can have different blood types like that so correct me if I’m mistaken, I genuinely tried to google but couldn’t get a solid answer)

He likes big guns and explosions, and sometimes talks himself up, but spending more than 2 minutes with him will reveal he’s an absolute cinnamon roll. Less prickly and more compassionate than his sister, he has a particular soft spot for animals and children.

They both joined the Gunners at the age of 15 - Boldizsár because they “looked badass”, and Petra followed only because she couldn’t convince her brother not to go.

(at the time of Fallout 4’s events, they’re both 19, but now that I’m almost a decade older than I was when I made these characters I might bump it up some more)

He and his sister are both of Hungarian descent, and their last name is Zsoldos (which I chose purposely because it means ‘mercenary’ and I thought it was funny as fuck. still think it’s funny tbh)

Traits/Behaviors

brave (sometimes too much for his own good)

outraged by injustice or mistreatment of innocent people

sometimes serious situations make him uncomfortable so he often compensates with humor to try to lighten the mood

struggles with guilt over past actions that harmed people

when young, he always listened to whatever Petra told him, and obeyed whenever she instructed him not to do something, but as they got older he became frustrated with her controlling behavior and started to make more of his own choices (which causes a good deal of the conflict in their relationship)

likewise, he has trouble telling her how he truly feels sometimes because he doesn’t want to hurt her (and also doesn’t want to deal with her being angry)

he has trauma from childhood events, but doesn’t realize it (and is somewhat ignorant of how bad it actually was, since Petra shielded him from most of it)

can be stubborn when he feels really strongly about something

very curious about the world and wants to explore (their upbringing was very closed-off and sheltered, they were basically raised in a cult)

is good at logic games and puzzles, and can strategize well

throughout time spent in the Gunners he became familiar with the inner workings/mechanics of explosives and large weapons (idk if it’s possible to dismantle a minigun and put it back together, but if so he could definitely do that)

the thing that would make him happiest is having a family of his own

he’s an aquarius (I gave him and Petra my mom’s birthday so it would be easy to remember lol)

can be pretty oblivious to certain things when they aren’t said/shown explicitly (yes he’s autistic why do you ask)

he’s naive about certain things in the world due to his sheltered upbringing, but is open-minded about new information and experiences

does his best to see the good in people even when they’ve done bad things (but also doesn’t tolerate purposely cruel people)

he wears that Coat all the time (he found it on a skeleton)

(during fallout 4 timeline) becomes deaf in one ear due to a bad injury (this is my reminder to give him some headphones bc the weapons he uses are loud af)

phobia of radscorpions (can we blame him? fuck those things)

-

There’s way more I could say but I think this is enough to sum up his character for now. I guess I should make a post for Petra too 🤔