#if youre still reading please talk to me about peanuts

[corazomma]

yes i caved to the schrucy propaganda

[cat-got-your-tongue]

Drunk texting

DP&W!Logan x Fem!reader: featuring Wade

Summary: logan goes out with Wade and won't stop calling and texting your phone

CW: fluff | mention of alcohol | dirty talk | failed attempt at sexting | mature language | mention of sex | drunk logan |

Word count: Over 1k

Authors note: Hi, please be kind. I'm still trying to get back into writing. I didn't proofread this. My requests are open. Divider by @saradika-graphics

My work will always be 18+ Minors do not interact or read.

It was 2:00 am on a fucking Wednesday night and your phone was blowing up. Wade had dragged Logan out to have some "bonding time with peanut." Which was code for which of them could get drunk the fastest. It always led to the bar being completely drained of alcohol — usually with one of them coming home with a bruised eye (Wade).

Logan could drink, and so could wade. But he has such a high tolerance that the amount of alcohol he consumed in order to get completely drunk would probably kill the average man. Not good. That meant longer days spent working so he could pay off the tab. You didn't mind most of the time. Since he needed a break and have some fun every once in a while.

Your phone lights up next to your bed. You tried to ignore it, but it kept happening over and over. The loud buzz vibrating on the night stand. You groan and throw your pillow over your head. No use. The sound just kept getting louder and louder.

You sit up in bed and grab it, the bright light making your eyes water a bit. You look down, and your eyebrows shoot up. There were about 46 text messages, and over 10 missed calls. All from logan and a few from wade.

You open your text message app to read what the hell was so important that he had to blow your phone up in the middle of the night.

Lo 💕: miss you.

Lo 💕: Wades tupee is crooked, not telling him tho

Lo 💕: luv u ba.yb

Lo 💕: gonna fkc u wen I get home

Lo 💕: gonna have u soking my dick

Lo 💕: stop ignore me

Lo 💕: [image]

Your eyes were still trying to adjust to the screen of your phone as you read through every text message logan has sent. You sighed, looking at the picture he sent you. You could tell he was absolutely trashed. He was in the run-down bars bathroom. The lighting in there was dim, and the mirror was dirty. He was holding his semi hard cock in one hand and had the bottom of shirt in between his teeth. The sight alone had you squeezing your thighs together. His abs were flexed and a little sweaty, making his happy trail stick to his skin. You had to take a deep breath and calm yourself.

You clicked back and went over to the texts Wade had sent you. You were trying to get your mind off of the selfie logan sent.

Wade: don't worry pookie is fine.

Wade: he's got his tits out like a slut.

Wade: okay now he's fighting

Wade: Okay now he's fighting ME

Wade: I'm not even drunk. I've been having the bartender give me water the whole night 😈

Wade: is he in heat ??? All he's been talking about is fucking

You rolled your eyes and let out a breathy laugh. You knew the second wade got logan through that front door it was over. Just as you had that thought, the door went bursting open, hitting the wall behind it with a loud bang.

"Speak of the devil." You mumbled under your breath. You walked out and saw Wade throwing logan back onto the couch.

He turned to you. "Sunshine here decided to start hmmm his fourth bar fight of the night, so we got kicked out."

You ran your hand down your face and looked down at where logan was slumped over. "Bad night?"

"Nah, luckily, he got whiskey dick of the claws, so no one was shanked." Wade shrugged as he readjusted his toupee. You fought the urge to laugh when you remembered logans text from earlier.

You let out a sigh of relief that no one was actually hurt tonight. You don't know what you'd do if you had to bail logan out of jail. Knowing Wade, he'd probably would just break him out.

"Well thank you for taking him out tonight. He's been......kinda down lately." You spoke as your eyes were still trained on your boyfriend.

There was pause before he spoke up again. He knew how much his friend could get into his own head and overthink.

"No problem. I'm gonna leave you two alone before he wakes up and tells me how much he wants to eat your ass again." Wade gave you a sympathetic pat to your shoulder and quickly hauled ass out of your apartment.

He wasn't gonna stick around incase logan decided to whip out his cock. You couldn't blame him.

Your face got hot, and you groaned again. Logan always had such a way with words. The thought of him telling Wade anything about your sex life was enough to make you want to go hide under your blanket. Now you were wondering what the hell those two talk about when you or Vanessa were not around.

A low grumble sounded from logan as he woke up. His eyes were dropping, and his speech was slurred. He looked around, confused as to where he was until he saw you. He gave you a weak smile and patted his lap for you to sit.

"C'mere" logan hiccups. "Been missin' ya all night." He tried reaching for you.

You immediately slapped his hand away.

"Nuh, uh, I'm gonna make you some water, and you're gonna sleep on this couch until you're sobered up." You shook your head and backed away.

"Then maybe just maaaybe you can have me in the morning. Deal?"

Logan pouted and sunk deeper into his spot. You couldn't help but chuckle a bit. You couldn't deny the sad pout on his face was cute. He looked so annoyed with you, but he didn't have it in his heart to be mean. Never to you. No matter how drunk logan got, it still didn't keep him from having that soft spot for you.

"Why don't you stand between my legs and lemme eat your pussy then." He slurred again.

"Jesus christ." You muttered and went into the kitchen to pour him some water.

You'd think you would be used to his dirty talk by now. Yet he still managed to surprise you with it. If he wasn't drunk off his ass right now, you would have peeled off all your clothes and let him have you right there on that couch— letting him stuff his cock so deep in your pussy it made your legs tremble before he even started moving. You shake your head of those thoughts and continue getting him his water.

By the time you came back, he had already passed out. You sat the water down and helped him into a more comfortable position. Throwing a blanket over him, you placed a gentle kiss to the tip of his nose. Quickly, you went back into your bed to get some sleep. You're sure by morning he would be back to normal. He didn't get hangovers much. Maybe you'd take him up on all of his all of those offers once he's sober.

[roosterforme]

The Younger Kind Part 36 | Rooster x Reader

Summary: Bradley is finally happy, and he knows it's because of you. The way you want to try new things with him in bed makes him feel wild. And the way you love his son makes him feel calm. But when you read a piece of mail before he's ready for you to see it, your reaction has him feeling something new.

Warnings: Swearing, fluff, smut, anal sex, butt plug, and age gap (18+)

Length: 4800 words

Pairing: Single dad!Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x babysitter!female reader

Check out my masterlist for more! The Younger Kind masterlist.

Bradley anxiously awaited for his appointment with Tracy to begin. He wasn't sure if it was a good sign or a bad sign that she asked him to stop by on his way home from work, but he was here now. And he had his checkbook with him. 

"I owe you some money," he said when she finally called him back.

"Sure, but we have other things to talk about," she said, ushering him over to her conference table while she opened up a Red Bull.

His stomach lurched. "It is about Meredith? Is it bad?" He was finally starting to be able to enjoy every day he spent with you and Noah. He didn't have to worry about things constantly, because you were happy to help him with his son and his house. When he got home with Noah the other day, you were changing that lightbulb on the front porch that he'd been meaning to get to. And you kept trying to help him pay his mortgage. 

"Yes, it's about Meredith. Just have a seat."

Bradley sat and looked at her expectantly. "Has she been released or something? Do I need to call my girl?"

"No, no," she said, waving him off as she took a sip. "She's been sentenced."

Now Bradley's heart was really pounding. Tracy had told him that Meredith would most likely get five to fifteen years for the fraud charges. Five would be devastating, simply because Noah would still be a minor when she was released. Fifteen would be ideal. Noah would be over eighteen and a legal adult. A fight for custody or money would be a moot point. And well, if Bradley had another child with you, that would have nothing legally to do with his ex at all. 

"Please tell me this is good, Tracy. I just want to solidify my life right now exactly as it is. No more messing around with protective orders and broken windows. My kid is happy, and I am happy."

She smiled and said, "You're about to get even happier. Fifteen years." 

Bradley was out of his seat with his fist in the air immediately. "Hell yes! Any chance at parole?" he asked. 

"There's always a chance. We'll keep an eye on things." 

She and he talked for a bit after that, and he felt his body ease back comfortably in the seat. Bradley wrote out a check and left it with Tracy, and then she handed him a folder full of information on adopting a stepchild in California. And a second folder with a preliminary copy of his updated will.

When he got home with his checkbook in his hand, he found you and Noah in the kitchen, and both of you were wearing more peanut butter than the carrots on the cutting board in front of you were. But you were laughing, and so was he, and the house smelled like dinner was cooking.

"I'm home," Bradley said from the kitchen doorway, and you spun in surprise. 

"Hi, Daddy," you said as you rushed for him with your messy hands held out at your sides. "You're already done with Tracy?"

"Mmhmm," Bradley hummed, leaning down to kiss you as Noah brought him ants on a log. "Fifteen years," he murmured, and you leaned in for another kiss with a soft, pleased laugh. 

"Really?"

"We can talk more later," he said, keeping one arm around your waist as he lifted Noah up and opened his mouth for the messy carrot stick. He kissed Noah while he chewed and then said, "Thanks, Bub. Did you have a good day?"

"Yeah. We did a puppet show," he said before squirming out of Bradley's arm to go make a bigger mess. And that left Bradley holding you and his checkbook. 

"Casey asked me to say hi to you when I picked Noah up," you whispered with a little grin on your face as you reached for the checkbook. "I told her I would if my mouth wasn't otherwise engaged this evening."

Bradley snorted. "You didn't."

"I did," you confirmed, waving his checkbook in the air between two fingers before tossing it onto the counter. "Who are you writing checks to, old man? I already told you, everyone uses payment apps."

"Tracy," he said. "I'm pretty sure she's older than me."

"Nobody is older than you, Daddy," you whispered, and Bradley took your wrists and guided both of your hands to his mouth. He watched your lips part silently as he licked the healed scar on your palm before sucking your thumb into his mouth. You squeaked as he cleaned the peanut butter from each of your fingers individually as you stepped a little closer to him. 

"Who you calling old?" he asked before kissing your palm and squeezing your hip. He made a show of switching to the other hand as you rubbed your core against the front of his pants. Your eyes rolled back as you moaned for him. "Shh," he scolded. "Behave." 

But you were only wearing thin scrub pants, and Bradley didn't actually want you to behave. One glance at Noah proved that he was absorbed with emptying a large canister of raisins onto the counter, so Bradley finished with your hand and then palmed both of your butt cheeks at the same time. He squeezed, really enjoying the feel of you as he whispered, "Are you wearing it?"

"No," you gasped. "I just got home from work!"

Bradley shrugged. "You've been wearing it around the past few days. Here and there."

You glanced at Noah over your shoulder before you whispered, "It makes me horny. I can't wear it to work! I'll get fired!"

Bradley chuckled and then he tightened his grip on your ass and said, "Go put it in."

Your teeth immediately sank into your lip. "Now?"

"Yeah," he replied softly. "Like my good girl."

You scampered off to the bedroom, saying, "Take the casserole out of the oven," as you went.

---------------------------

You knew to take your time with your silicone plug now. Use lots of lube and relax. As soon as you finished inserting it, you were practically moaning for Bradley to put his cock in your pussy. You were kind of addicted to the way it felt when he and the toy were both inside you at the same time. With a few deep breaths, you eased your underwear and your scrub pants back up your legs and made your way back to the kitchen. 

Bradley and Noah were sitting at the table with the casserole dish, and when you met your boyfriend's eyes, he was grinning. "Well?" he asked, reaching for your hand. 

"You know it, Daddy," you replied, and even though you weren't trying to, your voice took on a needy edge. 

He grunted softly, his eyes half lidded now as he patted the chair next to him. Noah was already eating his dinner, and thankfully he didn't seem to notice the way Bradley was looking at you like you were for dessert. You eased yourself onto the seat and whimpered softly as Bradley leaned in and pressed the softest, sweetest kiss to your lips. 

"I love you, Baby," he murmured before brushing your cheek with his nose. "I can't wait to take you to the lake house next weekend. We'll pack your little toy."

He started kissing along your neck, and you didn't think you'd make it through dinner at this rate. Your nipples were hard, and he was barely even touching you. Desperate for a distraction, you tried to reach for the casserole without rolling your hips too much.

"Daddy?" Noah asked. "Can we get a dog?"

"A dog?" Bradley asked, his attention shifting slightly from you to his son. "I already got you a Mommy, isn't that enough?" You snorted with laughter, but Noah was undeterred. 

"I want a dog."

"Noah, if we get a dog, somehow it will end up being my responsibility. Maybe when you're older," Bradley said. But he was pouting, and he looked like he was going to cry. 

"Daddy," you whined softly with a little grin. "I always wanted a dog, too." 

Now Bradley was looking back and forth between you and Noah, before settling on you. "Are you really going to do this to me right now? You could probably get away with murder at the moment, Princess."

"Isn't that always the case?" you asked sweetly as you shifted a bit in your seat and served yourself some dinner. 

Bradley groaned and held his forehead in his hand. "Can we talk about this later?" he begged, glancing at you between his fingers. But you were busy smiling at his son. 

"We'll work on it, okay sweet Noah?" you whispered. 

"Okay," Noah agreed softly before he started eating again.

But teasing Bradley about the dog definitely backfired on you later on the couch. Noah wanted to watch a Disney movie, so Bradley sat in the middle of the couch with your head resting on one thigh and Noah's on the other. The Princess and the Frog was playing, because Bradley insisted you deserved a princess movie. And everything was perfect. His hand was heavy on your side, stroking you through your clothing in the most delicious way.

When the movie was nearly finished, Bradley murmured, "Noah's asleep," as his hand skimmed along your hip. Then inch by inch, his fingers worked their way along your butt until he was cupping you with one big hand. Then you felt him prod you through your clothing, running one long finger across the base of your toy. 

"Fuck," he grunted as he very gently pressed it further into you. Full. You were so full. After days of wearing it for an hour here and there, you thought maybe you were ready for more. 

You looked up at Bradley over your shoulder and wiggled against his hand. The way he slowly shook his head and licked his lips made you feel like you were in control of this. But you supposed you always were. Then he eased his hand up to your lower back and teased at the waistband of your pants and underwear before dipping it inside. 

Rough skin on yours had your eyes fluttering closed. "Look at me, Baby," he whispered, and you clenched for him. "Look at me while I touch you."

You did as you were told, but he subtly let you know you were still in charge. His brown eyes were sincere and open as he cupped your rear end, moving the plug incrementally. Pushing, pulling, tugging and teasing. When you whimpered, he pushed his fingers forward to your pussy. 

"Daddy," you gasped as he pushed his rough fingers through your folds.

He spanked your pussy lightly until you were afraid you'd start getting loud. "Go get yourself in bed," he instructed. Then he withdrew his fingers and licked them clean. When you rolled onto your belly, your cheek and hand rubbed against his cock in his pants. "I'll come take care of you in a minute."

"Yes, Daddy." You kissed Noah's cheek and then leaned down to taste yourself on Bradley's lips. Then you ran into the bedroom and tossed all of your clothing into the hamper, replacing all of it with a new matching bra and thong you paid for with his credit card. "Damn it," you whined. The toy was making you squirm for release, and you were half tempted to touch yourself. You were nervous, but only slightly, because you knew Bradley would do whatever you told him to. So you grabbed the lube from your drawer and settled onto your beautiful, new bed. 

--------------------------

Shit. You were already touching yourself when Bradley walked into the bedroom. Black lingerie, your purple plug peeking out, and you on your back with your fingers in your pussy. "Jesus Christ," he groaned, ripping his shirt off and tossing it on the floor. You looked so young and innocent, even with your ass full of that toy. Bradley couldn't believe the words he was about to speak out loud. "Will you let me fuck you in the ass?"

Wide eyed and writhing around on your back on the bed, you nodded at him. "Yes." He was determined to do this just right. He never wanted to hurt you. He always wanted you to feel good when you were with him. Carefully he removed his jeans and joined you on the bed with his cock hard in his briefs. 

"You've been teasing me with that toy all night," he whispered, pressing a feather light kiss to your lips and pulling away so you'd chase him for more. "Time to see if you can handle something a little bigger."

You whined for him as he kissed down your body. "You're a lot bigger," you gasped when he nibbled on you through your bra. "You'll go slow?"

Bradley hummed against your skin, stretching up to kiss your neck. "I'll do whatever you want. Anything you want. And if you tell me to stop, I'll stop."

"Okay," you whispered. "Just go slow."

He could hear the slight edge of apprehension in your voice, so he took your face in his hand and kissed your cheek. He wanted to be sure this was a good type of nervous, not a bad one. "You are under no obligation to do this, Princess. You already give me more than enough." 

"I know," you replied, meeting his lips with yours.

But he pulled back and forced you to look him in the eye. "Tell me one more time that this is what you want. And tell me that you trust me."

You nibbled on your lip before you said, "I always trust you. And I want to try this. Now make me feel good."

Bradley was grinning as he slipped his hand down your belly and tucked it inside your black underwear. The swirl of his fingers on your clit had you gasping, and soon he pulled your underwear off. You were already wet when he put his mouth on you, and then Bradley thought about edging you to make you squirt for him. But your fingers were rough in his hair, and he knew he would be too far gone to be as gentle as possible if he did that. So he took his time, burying his nose and mouth in your sweet pussy, and licking you everywhere until you came for him. Then he licked all around that plug and admired the tight pucker of your hole wrapped around it.

"Fuck," he gasped, placing a kiss to your inner thigh. He was going to find out just how tight you were. As you rode the little jolts of pleasure still going through your body, Bradley carefully wrapped his arms around your back and got you onto all fours. "Try it like this?" he asked, caging your body in beneath his.

Your words were a little incoherent as you bucked back against him, and he could feel the base of your toy against his cock through his underwear. Oh hell, he needed to pull himself together. He needed something familiar to calm himself down. Bradley unclasped your bra and pressed his chest to your back, watching the strap slide down your arm. Your hips were rocking back, and he moved in unison with you, planting his left hand on the bed and rubbing your tits with his right. 

He kissed along your spine and moaned, "You'll put me in an early grave, I swear it." Your soft giggle had him dragging his lips along your shoulder until he was kissing your neck. "I love you, Baby."

"I love you too, Daddy," you whispered, and it was the sweetest thing. So Bradley stood on his knees behind you, admiring the way you and that toy looked as he spread your legs wide. When he slid his underwear down, his cock bounced up to tap you, nudging the plug and making you groan. He didn't know how this was going to work as he pumped his hand along his girth before slipping himself into your pussy. And that was the familiar thing he needed, clearing his mind as you whined, "I feel so full. My toy and my Daddy."

Bradley smirked and rubbed himself against the base as held your hips. "Just wait," he warned playfully. The pretty curve of your back had him running his hand up and everywhere along your silky skin. Your hair smelled like wildflowers when he kissed your back. And then you were begging him to do it. 

He reached for the lube and drizzled it all over you before coating his cock liberally. Then he fucked your pussy with steady strokes as he carefully eased the toy out of you as you gasped. Your perfect hole gripped along the plug, and Bradley had to count to ten to calm himself down. "Baby," he groaned, tossing the toy aside. "You ready?"

"Yes."

His cock was shiny and slick, resting on his palm, and then he was pressing himself to your asshole, convinced you were going to tell him to stop. You were so tight, he had to bite down on his lip as he pushed. And then you were whining, "More. More," as you squeezed the tip of him so much, he was afraid he'd black out. 

"Princess," he growled, head tipped back as he pushed slowly. So slowly. He was dizzy from it, the slow pace driving him to the edge. "So tight. Holy hell." And then you turned to look at him over your shoulder. Your eyes were glazed over with need, and your lips were parted softly. 

"Feels good," you gasped, and he reached out to run his thumb along your lip. You kissed him. You were perfect. He pushed himself a little deeper, and you kissed his thumb again. He looked down to see himself buried inside you as you licked his thumb. 

"God damn it," he cursed, and you squeezed him a little tighter. "Fuck, fuck, fuck." He dipped his thumb into your mouth and whispered, "I can't last like this. Too fucking good. So tight." He was shaking his head, but you were nodding and swirling your tongue along his thumb. He withdrew an inch and thrust, and you started keening. 

If Bradley managed even ten strokes inside your ass, it was a miracle. He went slowly, but it was too much. And you were loud, spurring him on with his thumb tucked between your lips and pressed to your tongue.

Every time you tightened around him, he knew he was going to cum. He was just biding his time for a few more seconds, and then it was too much. He tried to keep his movements steady and fluid as he came inside you, but they were a little jerky. He was grunting your name over and over, trying to get himself under control. "Are you okay?" he asked, voice rough as he slipped his thumb out of your mouth. 

"Mmm, yes," you moaned. "It only hurt a little, and then it felt good."

Bradley brought both hands to your hips and stroked you as he started to gently withdraw from your body. And then his jaw went slack as you were puckered around his tip. It was going to look so pretty, he just knew it. 

"Baby," he whined when he pulled himself free. His white cum was at your opening, and he watched that first droplet as it slid down to your pussy and dripped onto the bed. You were oozing with his finish, and he was transfixed. 

You said his name and made to roll over, but Bradley kept you still with his big hands on your thighs. "Shh," he coaxed as another long drop fell to the bed. And then he licked you clean as you mewled and whimpered. He lapped up every bit of his cum as it leaked out of you, and he cleaned up your pussy as well. 

"Bradley," you whispered as he gently rolled you to your back. You wrapped your arms around his neck as he settled on top of you, careful to keep his full body weight from hurting you. The fucked out, exhausted expression on your face made him smile.

"You did so good, Baby."

"I know," you agreed. "I liked it."

His lips were ghosting over yours as he asked, "Do you need anything? Want me to get a shower ready for us?"

"In a couple minutes," you replied easily. And then Bradley rolled you both to your sides and snuggled you against him with one big hand on your ass.

---------------------------

You were just trying to get through your day at work on Thursday. You just needed to make it to Friday morning when the three of you would be driving up to the lake house to meet Mav, Penny and Amelia. But two of your coworkers were out sick, and you had to pick up all the slack. You even had to text Bradley and let him know you wouldn't be able to pick Noah up or start dinner. 

Bradley Daddy Bradshaw: Take your time. I'll make sandwiches for dinner. See you at home.

Once you had all of the exam rooms cleaned and disinfected, Dr. Kelly found you and said, "Go home. Enjoy your long weekend with your family. That little Noah is the cutest thing."

You laughed and nodded. "Oh, he knows he's adorable. It's getting to be a problem. See you next week." 

Then you made your way to your car and thought about how you and Noah were most definitely going to wear Bradley down, and soon enough you'd have a dog at home. You'd even been working on a shortlist of names for when that fateful day arrived. You picked up a few pet themed coloring books on your lunch break, and when you pulled into the driveway, you took the bag from the front seat. 

The mail truck was just pulling up to your house; he must have been having a late day, too. You walked to the curb to meet him, and he handed everything to you with a wave. As you walked up to the porch, you picked your envelopes out of the stack and left Bradley's separate. Great, your student loan statement was here. You couldn't wait to see how your last payment barely put a dent in things. 

"Hi," you called out as you walked through the living room. "Sorry, I'm so late." But when you looked into the kitchen, Bradley was still in his uniform, calmly making a turkey and cheese sandwich and cutting it into little triangles while Noah colored. 

"Nothing to be sorry about," Bradley rasped, and you kissed his shoulder through his shirt. "I'll make your sandwich next." But you'd already moved on to Noah, smothering him in kisses while he laughed. 

"Check out this dog themed coloring book," you said loudly, earning a glare from Bradley as you set it down in front of Noah. "Isn't this little brown puppy on the cover just adorable?"

"I want a dog," Noah whined as he opened the cover and got to work. You were betting you'd have a dog by next month. 

"Relentless," Bradley groaned, and you wrapped your arms around him from behind. "Did you have a good day?" he asked. "Ready for the lake?"

"Yes. And definitely." He tried to hand you a sandwich on a plate, but you said, "Let me go through my mail first before I forget. I want to make sure I log in and make my student loan payment tonight before we leave in the morning." You took the sandwich from him and noticed that he looked a little timid now. "What's wrong?"

"Well. Nothing's wrong," he said quietly as you bit into the sandwich and then set it down again to open up your envelope. But he had you distracted, and you realized too late that you had opened a piece of his mail from Tracy by mistake. You skimmed along the page and you gasped as tears welled up in your eyes. 

I, Bradley Bradshaw, a legal adult of sound mind and competency, do hereby declare this to be my last will and testament (hereinafter, “Last Will & Testament”) and do hereby revoke any and all wills and codicils heretofore made jointly or severally by me.

In the event I shall die as the sole parent of minor child(ren), then I appoint as guardian over minor child(ren)

You stopped when you read your name and dropped the papers to the floor as you burst into tears. "Bradley," you gasped, and he looked up from where he was putting mayonnaise on a slice of bread. You bent to pick up the papers, but you were so emotional, you could barely see, so you just sat on the floor next to them and looked up at him. 

"What's wrong?" he asked, kneeling down and cupping your face in his hands. "Princess, tell me what's wrong."

You swiped at your tears with your hands and whispered, "You trust me that much?"

"What are you talking about, Baby?" he asked, and then he reached for one of the papers on the floor. "Your student loans?"

He was about to realize what you had read, so you quickly said, "I didn't mean to open it, I tore into the wrong envelope. I thought it was my student-"

Bradley silenced your sentence with a kiss as you sobbed. When he released your lips, you could still feel his nose on your cheek as you tried to get your breathing under control. "Yes. I trust you that much. If something happens to me, I know you'll take care of Noah."

You threw your arms around his neck and pushed him back onto his butt and climbed into his lap. "I would. I really would."

He held you close and softly said, "I was planning on telling you this weekend. The paperwork isn't finalized yet, but I can call Tracy's office and have it completed at any time."

You kissed him and said, "Call first thing tomorrow morning."

"Okay. I'll call first thing tomorrow morning." He was smiling as you let your forehead rest against his. 

"Why are you on the floor?" Noah asked, leaning over the table to look at you both. 

Bradley scooped you up as he stood and set you down on your feet, but you kept your arms around him. "Mommy was just being silly, Bub. How about you put the crayons down and eat your sandwich." Then he kissed your hair and said, "You better eat your sandwich, too."

You took your plate and the mail to the table and sat down across from Noah. You watched him sip his milk through a straw cup and then eat all of the cheese out of the sandwich first. He was perfect. And you'd never have to be without him. Bradley trusted you with his child more than anyone else. And you knew he wanted to have another one.

As he sat down next to you with his own sandwich and a beer, you opened your student loan envelope and started to read. But you could feel his eyes on you as he sipped his Heineken. 

"You okay, Daddy?" you asked softly, wiping at at stray tear.

"Just read your mail," he replied. When you looked back down at the paper in your hands, you saw that instead of nearly ten thousand dollars, your balance due for nursing school was zero.

"What did you do?" you gasped, looking him in the eye. 

He just shrugged and bit into his own sandwich, smiling as he chewed. "Paid off your loans. Your interest rate was so high, you'd still be paying on them by the time you're my age. Which is dumb when I have the money to take care of it now."

"Bradley!" Your eyes were welling with tears again as you said, "You didn't have to do that!"

His voice was stern as you crawled into his lap again. "I trust you with Noah, one hundred percent. The money doesn't matter as much as that."

You let your head rest on his shoulder as you straddled his thigh, and his big hand was rubbing your back. "You still didn't have to," you whispered. "But thank you. And now I can help you with your mortgage and bills instead."

"You just save your money, and we'll figure it out later."

But you already knew you'd talk him into letting you pay for something. And the rest could go into a savings account for school for Noah. And anything leftover could be used to plan for the exciting future you were going to experience with the two of them. 

---------------------------

Daddy keeps on winning now. And Princess doesn't have to worry about the things that shouldn't matter. Next up, the lake house. Thanks to @mak-32 and @beyondthesefourwalls

PART 37

@hotch-meeeeeuppppp

@chassy21

@solacestyles

@avoirlecoupdefoudre

@daisyhollyxox

@throwinsauce

@awesomebooklover17

@wintercap89

@whosyourgnomie4

@rosesinmars

@blog-name6996

@bcon24

@wishfulwithwine

@backinwonderl4nd

@tetragonia

@gingerbreadandpaper

@emptyloverofmine

@chaoticassidy

@missmirandafe

@changlingkhat

@sugarcoated-lame

@avada-kedavra-bitch-187

@katiebby04

@marantha

@averyhotchner

@abaker74

@heli991113

@k-k0129

@noz4a2

@tallyovie

@shanimallina87

@teddyluvs2sing

@little-wiseone

@ccbb2222

@lilyevanswhore

@o-the-o-grim-o-reaper-o

@xoxabs88xox

@thedroneranger

@bradshawsbitch

@cherrycola27

@fanboyswhore9

@xomrsalliej4787xo

@desert-fern

@sylviebell

@wkndwlff

@horseslovers2016

[naturesapphic]

idk if you’d wanna do this or not but could you potentially write something fluffy with Billie and a gf who feels dumb all the time because she’s dyslexic and billie helps her and comforts her when she struggles?

Dyslexic

Billie eilish x dyslexic!fem!reader

Warnings: little bit of angst, hurt/comfort, fluff

Everyone who was in your life knew you were dyslexic. You had it growing up and you still have trouble with it today. You would get teased for it a lot when you were little and now since you were an adult. You never understood why people were so mean about it, it was just a learning disorder, but the people always made you feel extra dumb for it.

Here you were, sitting at your desk in the office of your shared house with your girlfriend, working on a class project. You were done writing your portion of the paper and sent it to the group chat. Billie was downstairs in the studio working on music. Almost immediately everyone responded, criticizing your work and how you wrote making your face heat up in embarrassment. One person even said that you were going to make them all fail if you don’t rewrite the whole paper.

You were confused but texted them back that you would look over it again. Going back to your paper you reread everything and you understood what they were talking about. What you wrote was jumbled and didn’t make sense at all. It didn’t fit what the whole project was about and you groaned out in frustration. You grabbed your paper and crumpled it up, throwing it behind you not knowing that it hit someone.

“Hey! Watch the tits bro.” Your girlfriend joked which usually made you laugh but all you let out was a little defeated sigh. “Sorry…” you apologized and you felt your chair spin around and you were face to face with your brown headed girlfriend. “Hey…you don’t need to apologize to me babe.” Billie reassured you and you just sat there staring off making Billie worry. “Okay what’s going on. You’ve been up here all day in the office and you look like you are about to pass out.” She said and you whimpered making her get down on her knees so she’s eye level with you.

“I just…I feel so stupid bils! My stupid brain and my learning disability.” You explained to her and how your partners were making you feel like shit. “Hey hey now. First of all, you aren’t stupid, second of all, they are shit heads who don’t know what they are talking about. Fuck them. You are the smartest and talented girl I know. Don’t let their peanut sized Brains make you think any differently do you understand?” Billie says and you nodded your head slowly. “I still have to write this stupid paper and on top of that I have to start completely over since I messed up.” You sigh and Billie gave you a comforting smile.

“Why don’t I read your project over and help you with your paper hm?” She suggested and you gave her a big smile. “Would you please? I don’t get it whatsoever and I feel like my head is gonna explode.” You explained and she giggles. “I know baby but how about I read it over and rewrite it to where you can understand it better how’s that?” She offered and you felt your eyes burn with tears. “Oh bils…you are the sweetest ever. What did I do to deserve you?” You say as you stand up from your chair and place a kiss on her plump lips, making her kiss you back immediately.

“Okay. Now go to bed and rest. I’ll be there to join you in a bit alright?” She softly demanded you and you nodded. You walked over to the bed and got underneath the covers as you watched Billie read over the project and write down some stuff before joining you. You couldn’t ask for a better girlfriend than Billie, who never made you feel stupid or slow. She loved you as you are.

A/n: thank you for the request anon! As someone who has a learning disability this was very nice to write. Anyone who has some sort of learning disability, know that no matter what anyone says to you, you are smart and capable just like everyone else and I’m proud of you :) remember to stay hydrated and to rest! I love y’all! <3

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

End Game 4

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as noncon/dubcon, age gap, stalking, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: Your gaming buddy asks to meet up but it doesn’t go exactly as planned.

Characters: Andy Barber

Note: I'm a sleepy babay.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Please do not just put ‘more’. I will block you.

I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖

There’s a finality to the tap of your thumb. You hold the block button for a moment before you let it go. The window pops up asking if you’re sure. Yes. Certain. This is just a mistake and when you’re older and wiser, you’ll be thankful you made it. If you even remember it. 

You lay back and put your phone down. Done. Over. No more Jacob. No Andy.  

Maybe you’ll go back and see Kara again, or she can come here, even if she hates this town. You can at least be thankful that it reconnected you two, and you have to be grateful to learn a hard lesson. Don’t mess with strangers online. You’re better off alone. 

You close your eyes. You’re exhausted. Mentally, emotionally, and yes, physically. Who knew scooping ice cream could be so much work? 

When you wake up, you’re sore and still groggy. The sun peers in at you brightly in the slat between the curtains. You groan and hide under the pillow. Your shift starts at noon. You can’t spend all morning doing nothing or the whole day is wasted. 

You drag yourself out of bed. Your grandma is still asleep. You’re sure she was up until dawn with her latest haul from the used book store. You clean up the cluster of wrappers around her chair and tidy up the kitchen, dumping the old coffee and brewing a new pot. 

You go to grab your phone and pause as you see an unusual notification. Your email? Huh. You don’t really use that besides for school. You open it up, thinking it might be about enrolment. No. It’s him. Andy. Holy moly. 

You scroll up and down, skimming the blocks of text. Oh god. You hit delete. You’re not reading all that. You said what needed to be said. 

You have your coffee and load the machine for whenever your mother gets out of bed. You eat and wash up, catching up on some Youtube before you make yourself get your uniform on. You head out, walking to work to enjoy the sunshine, and key in between tying on your apron and chatting with Gavin, the high schooler who does half-shifts every now and then.  

He leaves at four and you have your complimentary cone just after five. Peanut butter chocolate; classic. You eat at the window as you watch the mostly empty street. Your phone vibrates and you slide it out, hoping to take advantage of the lull. 

WhatsApp request? No way. The shammy recruiters always want a piece of you. At least you never fell for that. 

You bite into the cone and your phone suddenly blows up with Insta notifications. Bots! Ugh. So annoying. Every new follower is faceless with some generated name. You mute the notifications and put your cell away. You really are a boring person. 

As you look up, tires crush over a patch of gravel and your barely catch a glimpse of the car as it rolls just around the corner. You feel like you’ve missed something. Maybe your grandma is right about you always having your nose buried in a screen. Who is she to talk? She lives in her novels. 

Your shift ends at eight. You lock up and stop by the convenience store down the block. Nothing special, just a tray of carbonara you can shove in the nuke. As you pay at the counter, the door chimes to signal another customer. You accept your meagre meal as the other patron strides into the aisle. You don’t look over as you go directly for the door. You’re starving for more than a scoop. 

Your footsteps seem to echo through the dull streets. The frozen meal makes your hand hurt as your other holds your cell phone close. You text Kara as you finally get through the essay she wrote about Calvin’s latest antics. You wish you could convince her to play something. You feel aimless without an analog stick under your thumb. 

There’s a scuff, close behind you, loud enough to make you jump. You fumble with your phone and glance over your shoulder. You don’t see anything but the thick oak outside Luella’s. Ugh. Alright, you need to eat and lay down. It hasn’t been a busy day but still a long one. 

You pass through your grandma’s front door. She’s where she always is, in her chair, but something’s off. Something’s different. The smell of pollen hangs in the air and a pot stands on the coffee table with several white orchids tall in the soil. You frown. The last time you got her flowers, she didn’t even put them in a vase. 

“Oh, those are pretty,” you say. 

“Mph, not mine,” she grumbles, not looking up. 

“Not... who’s...” 

“Delivery man said your name. I didn’t read the card. I’m not a snoop.” 

You nod, thankful at least that she isn’t nosy. You go to the table and examine the pot. Who would send you flowers? 

You take the card off the tall pronged stick and open the envelope. You slide out the paper and unfold it. 

‘I know I’ve told you a million times, so I’ll show you how sorry I am instead. Yours always, Andy.’ 

You nearly drop your handful. Your eyes flick up to the pot and you have to stop yourself from pushing it off the table. What the hell? How... how does he know where you live? You never even mentioned what town you’re from. He only knows your college and it’s so small, he wouldn’t have heard of it. 

It’s enough to unsettle you. That he knows where you live is bad enough but the flowers themselves make a point. It’s not over. He’s not walking away but what else can you say to make him? Didn’t he get it? You think were pretty nice considering. 

“You got some boy?” Your grandma raises her eyes from the page. You can’t remember the last time she even bothered looking at you. 

“Not exactly,” you tuck the card away and put it in your pocket. “I’m going to make my dinner.” 

“Eh,” she grumbles, “fine. Get them flowers somewhere else. They stink.” 

You lift the vase, hugging it around the pot, and carry it from the room. You balance it against your hip and go into the kitchen. You use your free hand to pull open the freezer and put the pasta inside. You’re not so hungry anymore. 

🎮

The irises are pretty. The pot they came in is fancy, probably expensive. It underlines once more the gap between you and the real Jacob. Between you and Andy.

It only reminds you of how ridiculous you must have sounded. So, you just can’t understand why he’s doing this? Why is he still trying? For you? A girl with dwindling hopes of even finishing her low-tier college degree. 

You try to forget. You don’t have a shift that day but you can’t just sit around. Usually, you would. You’d hole up in your bedroom and play video games. Not anymore. He ruined that. You’re disappointed you’re letting him. 

You got down to the library for a while and wander around. There’s nothing there you’re very interested in. They still haven’t got the latest release in the series you’d read in high school. Oh well, you’ll wait around until one day you learn the fate of those revolutionary spies. 

You walk the main strip of the town. It isn’t very extensive. There’s a coffee shop and the used bookstore which also carries hobby supplies. There’s the same diner that’s been there since you were a kid and the interchangeable business that open and close year after year. 

There’s a vibe in your pocket. It’s not Kara. Another WhatsApp request, more Insta bots, and Discord. You haven’t been on the server in ages. You couldn’t keep up with all the channels and most of it was arguing about mining strategies. 

It’s Andy. Frig. You should’ve blocked him there too. You just hadn’t thought of it. 

‘Did you like the flowers?’ 

You don’t answer but he’ll see that you read it. It isn’t long before he’s typing. 

‘I am still very sorry. I wish you’d talk to me. Hear me out.’ 

Hear him out? He said everything. His son is dead and he lied to you. That’s not anything you can hash out. 

‘I know you’re not working today. I’ll make a new world and we can chat there.’ 

No. That’s not going to happen. Over. O-V-E-R. It’s done. You’re not going to be like Kara. When you cut the cord, it’s snipped. 

You won’t answer. That’s just bait. He’ll keep nibbling if you do that. You press the chat settings and block. That’s better, you can’t breathe. 

You put your phone on silent and back in your pocket. You wish you had the money to try the sushi place. It won’t last long in the bodunk town so you probably won’t ever get to. Oh well. Back on campus, they sell decent California rolls at the cafeteria. Decent, not necessarily good. 

You go home. To your grandma’s house. It doesn’t always feel like home. You know she’s counting the days until you leave. You are too. 

You wish you were brave enough to apologise. To say sorry your mom and dad didn’t want you. That she got stuck with you. It feels like saying it out loud would be worse. Just wallow in the unspoken resent, one day you won’t ever come back and maybe then you can both be happy. 

In your room, you don’t know what to do with yourself. Your Switch taunts you from across the room. You want to mine or race or even scare yourself with some Hellblade. You can’t. More Youtube. More wasted time. That’s what people like you do; people from small towns with no one who loves them and no money; waste time. 

The mindless videos help you relax but not forget. You just can’t get rid of the little tickle at the back of your head. There’s a tinge of shame that remains and a sliver of guilt. It will go. It has to, one day. 

You catch yourself staring at the orchid. You can smell it. You want to throw it away but that feels rude. Even if Andy would never know, even if you shouldn’t care. He hurt you, didn’t he? He lied. Well, you could give it to Mahalia next door, she loves flowers. 

You lay in indecision. You don’t want to do anything but lay there. Now that you’re still, you have no strength. Your day off is chipped away in your laziness.  

The next day awaits you with another shift at the booth. And the day after and the day after. 

Your fourth day in a row and you get a new Discord message. You know even before you open it, even by the blank avatar and nondescript username. It’s him. Just leave me alone. Let it go. Let me forget. 

‘I know you don’t want to hear from me but I need you to hear me. I can’t stop thinking of you and what happened. I can do better. Please, let me apologise.’ 

Blocked. Again.

Work. Again.  

You’re half asleep as you fill cones with soft serve. You smile and swallow yawns, faking it for the hyper children and cheerful couples. 

When it slows, you work on cleaning the freezer, switching out empty containers with ones from the deep freeze. As you check the soft serve, there’s a tap on the open walk-up window. Oh shoot. You should’ve been paying better attention. 

You turn back to greet the next customer but as you approach the window, your chest deflates. Frozen, like the tubs around you. You stare at Andy as he smiles at you. He wears a short-sleeve button up with blue, grey, and white stripes. His hair blows in the soft breeze. 

“Do you have butterscotch ripple?” He asks brightly. 

You blink and hesitate. You don’t know what to do. How did he get here? How did he find you? Why is he here? 

You reach for the window and before he can stop you, you shut it. You lock it from the inside and step back. His face falls and his brow arches as he stands straight. He says your name, his voice muffled by the glass, and puts his palm to the barrier. 

“Please,” he begs. 

You shake your head and turn your back to him. If your manager was here, you’d be in shit. That’s a no-no. Never turn away a customer, only shut the window when you lock up. 

You ignore him and go back to tidying. There could be a line up out there but you don’t care. Your hands are shaking and it’s not just the temperature.

You just can’t believe he’s there. You can’t believe he won’t just give up. You don’t want to believe it because you’re afraid. You’re terrified and he seems entirely clueless about how scary he’s being. 

Flowers are one thing but showing up at your job? That’s a flaming red flag that even you can see. Not only because you told him plainly that you don’t want to talk to him again, but because he’s a grown man. Fortysomething and he can’t take a hint. Why would a man his age want to talk to someone as young as you? That’s another red flag on its own. As if catfishing you wasn’t enough. 

[bitchesuntitled]

Broken Hearts Mended

Pairing: Dieter Bravo x F!Reader, Joel Miller x F!Reader

Warnings/Tags: 18+ Minors, get out! Language(at this rate, just expect it. That's just me), Pregnancy, Dieter trying to fix his past, sad!Dieter, dad!Dieter, smut, pinv, oral(m!recieving), wedding crasher!Dieter, TIME TRAVEL, OFC

a/n: This is for the Roll-A-Trope Challenge by @burntheedges I got Time Travel! Never dabbled with that before but it was fun and sheesh, Kate- this is the longest story I've ever written! This could be considered a part two of Some Broken Hearts Never Mend but can be read as a standalone! The OFC is based off my bestie IRL @hessofather - thank you for being you, for helping me with the witchy stuff, and love ya bitch! Thank you @beefrobeefcal and @jay-zzle(for the moodboard &) for your eyes on this one! Love you both!

Masterlist||AO3

dividers by @saradika-graphics

He’d been staring at the clock for an eternity or what felt like an eternity. Today was the day, the day Dieter’s been dreading since he found out. 

Today is your wedding day.

In typical Hollywood fashion, a friend of a friend let it slip when the wedding was. Saturday afternoon, 3 pm to be exact. Mark was supposed to be on standby to ensure Dieter stayed at home today and didn’t do something stupid, but what Mark didn’t expect was to be locked in the pantry with Dieter sitting outside.

“Dieter, come on man,” Mark pleaded, “Think about this before you do something dumb.”

“Would it really be that bad if I went?!”

“Yes,” Mark sighed, “Dieter, you need to let her go. If you go to that hotel all that will happen is you make a fool of yourself and embarrass her!”

“Embarrass her?!” Dieter scoffs, looking at the closed door with offense. “I got sober for fucks sake! For her and she didn’t even let me see my kid! Instead that bastard is playing daddy to my Lexi! My peanut!”

“Dieter!” Mark shouts, slamming his fists against the door, “Let me out and let’s talk face-to-face about this.”

“Sheesh Mark, calm down,” Dieter says, glancing at the clock, “If I go, maybe she’ll see me and remember how much she loved me. I gotta try right?”

“Dieter, please,” Mark sighs, “Don’t do this. It’s not a good idea.”

“I have to try, Mark.”

“Damn it, Dieter!”

More punches are being thrown at the pantry door as Dieter slowly backs away from it.

“If I don’t try now, I’m just going to spend the rest of my life wondering what if!” Dieter shouts, “Mark, you gotta understand that man.”

—

Dieter was able to bribe a waiter into letting him in through the kitchen, he had tried the front but the hotel staff quickly guided him right back through the front door. The place was gorgeous, decked in all navy blue, gold, and white, and the flower petals spread down the aisle he stood in front of. Joel is standing next to the officiant, fiddling with the gold cufflinks on his wrists. The bridal song began and everyone looked back at Dieter.

He stood there frozen, unsure of what to do until he heard the door behind him open, he turned slowly. There you were, standing before him in a gorgeous flowy white gown.

“Dieter?” You asked, confusion painted across your face before it turned into a silent rage.

“I- I need-“ he began, trying to think of what to say.

“Jesus Christ,” your father muttered under his breath before shouting for security.

“Wait-“ Dieter gasped, as two men in suits grabbed his arms pulling him towards the hall, “Please! Let me just ha-“

“Wait!,” you shout panicked, before clearing your throat, “Sorry everyone,” you announce, “Let me just take care of this real quick then we’ll be ready to get this wedding started.”

Dieter was dumbfounded. You were actually going to listen to him. You wanted to hear what he had to say. He knew it! He still had a chance. You let go of your dad’s arm and looped it around Dieter’s, leading him out into the hallway with a polite reassuring smile to your guests.

In another life, this would be the way it went. You in your gorgeous wedding dress, walking down an aisle on his arm, smiling politely to your guests before he whisked you away to ravish you the entire night. Once the doors closed, you stepped away from him clearing your throat.

“The fuck do you think you’re doing here?” You hiss, the rage in you tipping over its boiling point.

“I wanted to-“ he starts softly before you interrupt him again.

“Wanted what Dieter?!” You seethe, “Did you not feel it was enough when you showed up at my home? My work? Lexi’s fucking school?”

“I didn’t think-“ he winces, knowing immediately those are the wrong words with the laugh you let out.

“No Dieter, you didn’t fucking think,” you scoff, “You’ve spent the past six years not fucking thinking and it’s shown plenty!”

“Baby-“ Dieter tries again.

“Don’t you dare call me that!” You stop him, “Dieter, you need to leave. I’m marrying Joel and Lexi finally has a dad who wants her and loves her.”

“But I do love her,” Dieter says, tears blurring his vision, “That’s why I stayed away from you both. I love you both so much, I didn’t want you wrapped up in my shit and I’m trying to change!”

You shake your head with a sigh.

“You just have to give me another chance,” he whimpers, the tears steadily falling down his face.

“No,” you say quietly, “You’ve had enough chances.”

—

You were officially done with his shit and let him know he’d be hearing from your lawyers on Monday. His heart broken, his mind felt numb, and Dieter’s legs began to move. He felt like pins and needles were pricking all over his skin, trying to ignore the feeling, he began to speed up. He’d be fine as long as he kept moving. His chest felt like there was a weight on it, trying to catch his breath.

He needed to find somewhere with air conditioning, maybe it’s the heat finally getting to him. Standing outside a store called Vixen’s. Huh, he thought, a sex shop would be the perfect way to distract his mind. A dinging sound chimes as he enters the store.

“Good afternoon!” A cheery feminine voice calls out from the back, “I’ll be right with you.”

Dieter stood next to a counter, focusing on his breathing. The place smelled like sage, rose, and lavender. This was definitely not a sex shop. His hands held onto the counter in front of him as he closed his eyes and took in the sweet aroma of the shop. Whatever it was, it was working to help calm him down.

“Sir?” A feminine voice called out to him, “Ya alright?”

Dieter looked towards the voice to see a short woman with auburn hair standing next to a door that stated Employees Only. He gave a short nod, signaling he was okay. He just had to focus on his breathing.

“Fuck!” She gasped, flailing her hands in the air, “It’s you! C’mere!”

“Huh?” Dieter asked in confusion, trying to catch his breath.

“C’mere!” She said more sternly, motioning for him to follow her, “Been expectin’ you to show up any day now and you’re finally here!”

Dieter began to follow the stranger apprehensively down a hall, passing multiple doors, as she began to talk more.

“The names’ Willow Vixen. Now that you’re here, maybe I can finally stop using the rose.” She states, wrinkling her nose, “Not my favorite but that’s what the ball suggested for your arrival. Considering it doesn’t give me much of a time frame I figured fuck it and just started making sure it was around at all times.”

“Ball?” Dieter asks, his legs taking over, continuing to follow Willow until they meet a door that has her name on it, “I’m sorry but do I know you?”

“Not yet, Dieter,” Willow hums, grabbing a key ring from her belt loops, and unlocking the door, “When we get inside I’ll explain.”

Once she opened the door, he was hit with a powerful smell of sage and rosemary. She ushered him in, closing the door behind her.

“Sit,” she commanded, pointing to a table in the middle of the room.

He wasn’t sure what he was even doing here. Following a stranger into some back room of a store sounded like the beginnings of some ritual sacrifice and by the way her office was set up, it looked like it, too.

The room was dim before Willow fluttered about lighting candles while humming, beginning to shed more light on her space. He could see a table covered in an emerald green cloth with four chairs surrounding it, and a crystal ball sat upon a perch in the middle of it with dozens of candles surrounding it.

“So… uh,” Dieter hesitates, hands scrubbing through his hair. The fuck is he doing here? He should leave. Willow continues to hum while she lights more candles by a thick open book sitting on a desk, flipping through the pages before she stops.

“Ah-ha!” She announces with a joyous clap, “Would ya look at that! Found it on the first try.”

She looks up to see Dieter still standing by the door with a nervous energy about him.

“Gah damn it, Dieter,” she grumbles, approaching him, “Ain’t gonna hurt ya. I’m here to help ya. Now go on, sit,” Ushering him to the table, lightly patting him on the shoulders, “Let me just get a few more things ready before I truly start this process, alright?”

“Help me?” He asks, watching Willow move in the space around them. She grabbed a bottle and began spritzing it around the chair he sat in.

“Duh, I told ya,” Willow said with a raised eyebrow smirking, “Oh wait, maybe I didn’t? Did I?”

Dieter looked at her in bewilderment, continuing to watch as she placed the spray bottle of liquid beside him and grabbed incense instead, placing them in their holders and lit them.

“T- tell me what?” He asked nervously, placing his hands in his lap and beginning to fidget with his fingers.

“My apologies, sir.” Willow bows, “I am a witch! Well, kind of a-a witch. I’m a witch practicin’. My great great great great grandma was one and it kinda skipped a generation or two cause my folks decided we should follow Jesus instead. Ya in any sort of religion? I’ve been involved with… too many.”

Dieter shakes his head. Fuck, this is how it ends, he was right. She’s gonna sacrifice him.

“I’m spraying lavender right now to try and get your ass to calm down,” she states matter of factly picking the bottle up again, Dieter flinches when she sprays some directly onto his hair, “Your energy is thick with nerves. Now what was I sayin’?” She asked, stopping in place and staring at the table cloth.

“Oh yeah! Sorry, I have a disorder where my memory ain’t the best. Think Dory from Findin’ Nemo,” Willow smiles brightly, “I’m a witch and this here crystal ball-” she taps a finger against the clear ball in the middle of the table, “-showed me to be expectin’ ya.”

“Sh-showed you?” Dieter asks, cocking his head to the side with wide eyes.

“Yeah!” Willow exclaims, “Showed me you comin’ here, us doing some magic and then you fuckin’ off to whatever it is you’re tryin’ to change!”

“Wait,” Dieter stops, eyes widening, “What am I changing?”

“Beats me,” Willow shrugs, fanning the incense around before plopping down in the chair across from him, “Alls I know is I’m supposed to help ya get there.”

Dieter looks at her and then the ball in between them. It starts sparkling inside as the clear crystal becomes dense with a weird purple fog, swirling around the inside of the crystal.

“Oh shit! It’s doin’ the thing again!” Willow shrieks in excitement, bouncing in her chair, “I told ya the thing showed me what I needed to do! Maybe it’s trying to show you what you need to do.”

Dieter stares at the ball before the swirling fog reveals you lying in your shared bed years ago. He remembers this morning clear as day, it’s the morning before he went to that stupid party and relapsed.

“It’s her,” he chokes back a sob, “What kind of sick fucking trick is this?!”

“It’s not a trick!” Willow protests, “I’m tellin’ the truth! Just watch the damn thing!”

Dieter continues watching the fog swirl within the ball, seeing himself join you in bed. Dieter perks up as he watches himself undress you and begin worshiping you like the goddess you are. Willow clears her throat turning her head.

“Ope,” she murmurs, cheeks becoming flaming red, peering at the ceiling out of privacy, “Don’t think I’m supposed to watch this bit.”

Dieter is entranced, watching the two of you, reliving that entire day. Except in this version he never leaves the house, he stays home with you instead. That’s what he should have done, stay home and hang out with you instead of go to that stupid fucking party.

The purple fog disappears and the crystal becomes clear again, leaving Dieter even more confused.

“Wait!” He shouts, gripping the ball with both hands, “Come back! Show me more!”

“Now hold on just a damn minute,” Willow scolds, pushing his hands off the ball, “Don’t break my damn ball. It’s the only one I got.”

“But I want to see more,” Dieter lets out a pathetic whine, “How can I see more. Make it show me!” He demands.

“Not how it works, bub,” Willow huffs, “But, from the looks of it that’s where the ball wants me to send you.”

“S-s-send me?” Dieter stutters out with a scoff, “How are you gonna send me back to the happiest time of my life?”

“Time travel, duh,” Willow snorts, “The hell do you think you showed up here for?”

He looks at her with bewilderment. How the fuck is this girl supposed to help him go backwards in time?

“Now, now,” Willow says, clicking her tongue in annoyance, “I recognize that look. Ya don’t believe me,” she adds with a roll of her eyes, “I’ve got everything ready.”

She stands making her way to a small tea kettle, filling it with water from a jug before placing it on her desk beside the book. Willow moves through her office with a practiced ease, opening and closing cabinets, grabbing the things she’ll need for this ritual. Taking one last glance at the book on her desk before clearing her throat.

“Now, I’m gonna brew this tea for you to drink. It’s got some cloves, rosemary, garlic and cinnamon in it,” she explains, plunking and sprinkling the herbs in the kettle, “Oh shit!” She laughs, opening a desk drawer to pull out a small hot plate, “Ain’t gonna get very far without boilin’ it.”

Dieter watches as she softly hums, flitting about the room as the tea gets ready.

“Now, I got white sage and mullein burning already,” Willow explains pointing at each, “Helps with clarity.”

He nods, still confused and a little scared. He has no clue how this is supposed to actually work. Time travel isn’t real, this isn’t some movie like Back to the Future. Although, he thinks tilting his head, would be pretty cool to drive the DeLorean. His thoughts are interrupted by Willow chanting something over the tea right as the kettle lets out a shrill whistle. Willow pours the tea into a little cup bringing it over to the table, placing it in front of Dieter.

“Ain’t gonna lie to ya,” Willow grimaces, “Probably gonna be nasty as fuck with the herbs I had to use but it’s what the book said to use.”

“Probably not the worst thing I’ve ever ingested,” Dieter shrugs, “So how’s this work? Do I just drink it?”

Willow nods, “I said the spell, I have the scents going, all you have to do is keep an open mind,” she continues with a smile.

Dieter nods, staring at the cup. What’s the worst that could happen? His life is already fucked. At least he can say he tried if it doesn’t work, grabbing the cup and downing the drink. Willow was right- it’s rancid, he begins to cough placing the cup back on the table.

“Now what?” Dieter asks with a grimace, glancing at Willow.

“Now,” a grin spreads across her face, “We wait.”

- - -

The sun’s rays shone through the curtains causing Dieter to wince as he woke the next morning. How was he supposed to know if the ritual worked? Willow said they just had to wait. Wait for what though? Hearing a soft groan next to him he peeked one eye open at the sound, looking around he noticed this wasn’t his room. Well, more so not his room anymore. The soft yellow walls and white curtains had all been replaced after you left with dark grays.

Glancing next to him, he felt like his heart stopped. There you were, snoring softly next to him. Maybe he was dreaming and his mind decided to torture him, it wouldn’t be the first time it had happened but then you reached for him. Your hand laying on his chest above his heart. Dieter didn’t know whether to laugh, cry, shout with joy or all three at the same time. His palm reaches out, gently touching your face.

“You’re so beautiful,” he whispers to your sleeping form as he rubs the apple of your cheek with his thumb, “I was such a fucking idiot.”

You crinkle your nose and let out a huff as you sleep. A grin plastered across his face, he can’t believe it actually worked. If he ever sees Willow again he’s going to have to thank her. She may not know what for, with traveling back in time, but he’ll thank her anyway. 

“You’re staring,” you let out a sleepy grumble.

“Can’t help it,” Dieter whispers, grinning like an idiot. You open an eye to look at him, raising your brows.

“Why are we whispering?” You giggle, scooting closer to lay your head on his chest, listening to the thump of his heartbeat.

Dieter takes a deep breath into your hair, shrugging his shoulders, wrapping his arms around you and holding you tight. Afraid if he loosens his grip you’ll be gone again. His hands begin to roam under your shirt, feeling the softness of your skin, the roundness of your belly. You’re still pregnant, grinning to himself as he sits up and moves you to lay on your back, rubbing his hands down to your hips. You’d always complained of them hurting with the added weight of Peanut, their little Lexi who would be coming into this world.

“Mmm,” you let out a soft moan, as his hands gingerly massage your hips, your fingers digging into his thigh, “Dieter.”

He couldn’t stop smiling, unable to believe this is actually happening again. Being with you, being back in your shared home, being here during the happiest time of his life. Dieter leans over your belly, pulling up your shirt to expose your bump, placing a soft kiss there.

“I love you,” he breathes out, his voice cracking before trying to get a grip on his emotions. 

“Babe?” You ask, concern lacing your voice as you reach for him, “What’s wrong?”

“Missed you,” he says, kissing your bump again, “Both of you.”

“Babe,” you laugh, “All we did was go to sleep.”

“Yeah,” Dieter huffs, rolling his eyes, “Just went to sleep,” he hums, lifting your shirt more to uncover your breasts, his lips placing a trail of open mouthed kisses until he meets one of your nipples, sucking it into his mouth. You let out a soft hiss as your fingers tangle in the soft waves of his hair. There’s one thing Dieter knows he can’t fuck up, sex. He’ll figure the rest out later.

You moan as he spends equal time on each of your breasts, sliding a hand down your front into your underwear. Dieter lets out a groan when he feels the wetness already collected there. He needs this, to you it was yesterday, to him it’s been six years since he’s felt you around his cock.

“I need you,” Dieter grunts, pushing you on your side, flopping down behind you and pushing his boxers down. His stiff member pushing into your ass.

“Jesus, Dee,” you giggle as he quickly pushes your underwear down enough to get to your core, “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Please don’t,” he whispers into your neck, slipping his length between your folds, coating himself in your arousal. Dieter grips his dick, slowly pushing into you, simultaneous moans spilling from both of you.

“Fuck, baby,” you moan, throwing your head back against his shoulder, “So fucking big.”

Dieter pants, feeling your walls constrict around him, stopping himself when he’s fully sheathed inside of you. He doesn’t want this to end before it’s even begun.

“Oh god,” he whimpers, grabbing your hand, lacing your fingers together, “Missed this.”

“Dieter,” you pant, hips squirming against him, “I need you to move, baby.”

He nods against your head, slowly pulling out, his tongue laving against your pulse point as he sharply pushes back in.

“Fuck,” you cry out, gripping his hand tighter. He knows it’s your favorite so he keeps the same rhythm, pulling out slowly before plunging back in. He can’t stop the words flowing from his mouth as he thrusts into you. His pace grows quicker as he speaks.

“Please don’t leave me,”

“I need you,”

“I love you,”

“I won’t fuck up again,”

“I promise,”

“I love you.”

Every phrase punctuated with a sharp thrust into your wet heat, producing a moan from your lips.

“Dieter,” you moan, “I’m gonna come, baby, I’m gonna-“

Dieter can feel the fluttering of your walls, gripping you tighter he moves faster, unable to control himself any longer.

“Fuck,” Dieter groans, “Look at me, baby.”

Your head lolling against his shoulder as his hips snap into you, he grips your face turning you to face him. Slotting his lips over yours, smothering your cries as your orgasm rips through you.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Dieter grunts, grinding his hips into you as your walls constrict around him, warm ropes of his come painting your insides. He kisses you softly while both of you try to catch your breath.

“You okay?” You ask, eyes gazing up at him.

Dieter nods, keeping his arms wrapped around you.

“Bad dream,” he murmurs into your hair.

“I’m sorry babe,” you give him a sympathetic smile, giving him a quick kiss before moving off of him with a hiss, “Wanna go look at stuff for the nursery?”

“Hmm,” Dieter hums, wrapping his arms around you again before you can leave the bed, “Let’s stay in bed all day.”

“We just woke up,” you squeak out with a giggle, as he pulls you back against him, “Already need a nap?”

“After that workout?” He laughs, kissing your neck, “Uh… yeah!”

Dieter’s eyelids are heavy. He felt calm, more at peace than he has been for years, having you back in arms, the comforting weight of you next to him. The hint of your perfume surrounding him, causing him to quickly drift back to sleep.

- - -

“Dieter wake up!” Mark shouts, “Time to go.”

Dieter jumps, how long had he been asleep? The room is dark as Mark flings the gray curtains open allowing the sun to burst in.

“What the fuck?” Dieter groans, covering his face with the pillow next to him, blocking the sun from his eyes. His sleep-addled brain hasn’t registered what’s happened.

“Come on, man,” Mark says more sternly, grabbing the covers to pull off of Dieter, “Gotta get Peanut.”

“Peanut?” Dieter asks, flipping the pillow off his face, sitting up taking in his surroundings, “No, no, no. This isn’t right.”

He looks around at the gray bedding, the curtains, the walls. Where’s your house? He was just there, wasn’t he? Was it just a dream after all?

“Yes. Peanut,” Mark says, giving him a confused look, “Lexi, Your daughter.”

“I know who Peanut is, Mark.” Dieter snaps, “But she won’t let me see her.”

“Dieter,” Mark scolds, “Do not tell me you've been using again.”

“What? No!”

“You’ve had your daughter every other week for years now.” Mark explains, “Are you sure you're not using anything?”

“You mean, I have custody?” Dieter asks, beginning to choke up, tears threatening to spill from his eyes. 

Whatever Willow did, it worked, well kind of. If Dieter had some sort of custody of Lexi that means he must have changed something going back in time.

“I gotta go see Willow.”

“Willow?” Mark asks, shaking his head, “Dieter, you don’t have time to go on some wild goose chase looking for whoever it is you’re talking about.”

Dieter rushes out of bed, grabbing random clothes he finds throughout his room to throw on, running down the stairs to find his crocs.

“Dieter!” Mark shouts after him.

“I gotta fix it, Mark,” Dieter yells back, finding his car keys, and opening the front door, “I gotta fix it!”

—

“Willow!” Dieter bellows, bursting into Vixen’s, “It worked! It kind of worked!”

He hears a crash a couple aisles over and a gah-damnit!, before Willow appears at the front of the shop.

“The hell you comin’ in here yellin’ about?” Willow asks, rubbing the top of her head, “You made me drop a jar of Dragon’s blood on my damn head. I do not need any more feminine power right now!”

“Sorry,” Dieter chuckles, “I think we need to do the ritual again. I have custody!” 

“Custody?” Willow asks, confused.

“Custody of my kid, Willow!” Dieter says, gripping her shoulders giving her a little shake, “All I did was fall asleep, had a crazy vivid sex dream about my girl and now I have custody! I’ve never even met my daughter!”

“Alright, alright, alright,” Willow says, wiggling out of his grip, “Don’t touch me and I don’t wanna hear about your weird sex dreams but come on back.”

He follows her through the dark hall, to her office, the white sage and mullein is lit, the tea is brewed while Willow chants the magic words. He chugs it again. The warm liquid tingled in his throat as it went down.

“Not as bad the second time,” he sputters out through a cough, “Should you make extra so I can take it home?”

“Not how it works,” Willow chuckles, “Gonna have to come see me. Door will always be open.”

“I don’t understand how this is working at all,” Dieter admits, “All I did was go to sleep?”

“Maybe in your sleep is when you’re traveling,” Willow shrugs, “I won’t lie, I’m not sure how it works either. Remember, I’m new at this.”

—

Dieter leaves Vixen’s, feeling on top of the world as he makes his way to your house. He cannot believe he’s about to see his kid for the first time, well maybe not the first time but it is for this Dieter. He pulls up to the address he found saved into his phone under your name, taking a deep breath before getting out of his car.

He makes his way to the front door. It’s a different house than the last time he showed up, hoping you’d forgive him for running off and taking forever to get his shit together. Taking a deep breath he presses the doorbell, hearing the chime inside.

“Daddy!” He hears screeched from behind the door before it opens. A little girl looks up at him with wide brown eyes and soft curls.

“You came to get me!” She exclaims, grabbing his hand with both of her little ones and pulling him through the entrance.

“Y-yeah, I did,” Dieter murmurs, unable to stop staring at the back of her head. Her hair bounces with every step she takes as she continues babbling at him about something.

“Hey Dieter,” you smile at him from the couch with a book in your hand, “She’s been super excited for you to get her this week. Thank you again for keeping her an extra week.”

“Extra week?”

“Please don’t tell me you forgot,” you groan, “Dee, you promised me you wouldn’t forget! This is super important! Joel’s taking me to meet his family.”

“Joel?” Dieter asks, clenching his jaw, fingers flexing of his free hand against his thigh. Of course, Joel is still present. 

You study his face, taking in the tension rolling off him in waves, putting your book down and getting off the couch.

“Peanut, baby,” you say in a sweet tone, “Why don’t you go upstairs and get your stuff ready so you can go have fun at Daddy’s?”

“Okay,” she chirps, climbing the steps to the second floor. Leaving the two of you alone.

“Dee?” You ask, approaching him, “You doing okay?”

“Yeah, fine,” Dieter lies with a nod of his head, “Just forgot you have plans next week.”

“Look,” you start, gripping his hand, “I know this whole thing is weird for you but I know one day you’re going to find someone to love,” Dieter’s thumb begins to rub against your fingers softly, noting the absence of a ring on your hand.

“You don’t get it,” Dieter scoffs, shaking his head, “It’s you. I want to be with you.”

“We tried Dieter,” you say, giving him a sympathetic smile, “We just aren’t meant to be.”

- - -

When he wakes next, Dieter is blinded by the brightness of the room, closing his eyes again, not ready to get up.

“Daddy,” a little voice says, poking his cheek with tiny fingers.

He groans feeling a weight on top of his chest. He can hear you humming softly downstairs in the kitchen, little fingers continue poking at his face trying to wake him.

“Peanut,” he chuckles, “Why are you poking my face?”

“Time to wake up!” She announces, standing up on chunky legs before plopping her butt back down. Dieter lets out a grunt before opening his eyes, spotting the soft yellow walls of the room. He can’t stop the smile forming on his face. He’s back to where he wants to be, this timeline seeming to be much better than the present.

“Come here,” Dieter playfully growls, tickling Lexi’s sides. Her high pitched squeals echoing throughout the house.

“Breakfast is ready!”

“Hear that Peanut?!” Dieter asks enthusiastically, “Momma made breakfast!”

“Breakfast!” Lexi shouts, throwing her arms up in the air, “I hungry!”

Dieter scoops her up as he gets out of bed, carrying the toddler with him down the stairs to the kitchen.

“Morning,” you hum, smiling at both of them, “The contractor was supposed to be here earlier but he overslept so said he’d be by soon.”

“Oh?” Dieter asks, setting Lexi down into her booster seat as if he’s done this every day, “Who’d we hire again?”

“Dieter, I swear,” you laugh, rolling your eyes, “You’d be so lost without me.”

“You have no idea,” he murmurs, kissing the side of your head as he grabs the plates of food you had set out, giving one to Lexi and sitting down next to her to eat his own.

“It’s Miller Bros,” you huff, “And no, they’re not like the Mario Brothers from Nintendo,” you add after seeing Dieter’s head perk up. You always were good about knowing what was on his mind.

“So, what’s the plan for today?” Dieter asks, stabbing his fork into the eggs, “Besides the contractor coming, I mean.”

“I don’t know,” you say, shrugging. The rest of the meal went on, the scraping of silverware against plates and random chatter from Lexi the only things to be heard. It was eerie how quiet you were, Dieter stared at you as you scrolled mindlessly on your phone. He can’t pinpoint what’s going on but he feels there is something different here. Lexi finishes her breakfast, scooting off her booster and running off to watch TV.

“Is everything okay?” Dieter asks, fidgeting with the fork in his hand, he can’t risk losing you but he needs to know the answer.

“No,” you admit quietly, “I just- I don’t know what to do anymore Dee.”

“What do you m-“ he tries, the doorbell chiming interrupting his sentence.

“That must be the contractor,” you sigh, “Wanna start the dishes while I get the door?”

“Uh, yeah,” Dieter nods, “Sure.”

He gathers the dishes, rinsing each item before putting them in the dishwasher, hearing you speak with the contractor.

“I’m so sorry ma’am,” the contractor says with a gruffness in his voice, “Would’a been here earlier but my idiot brother wrote the time down wrong.”

“No worries,” you reply in a cheery tone, “You deserve the extra sleep, you work so hard.”

Dieter hears a deep chuckle from the man and a thank you, you’re too kind darlin’. It makes his stomach twist, he knows who this is. Joel fucking Miller. Can he not escape this guy?

Dieter slams the dishwasher closed, pacing throughout the kitchen. In his present time, the man is there. Now in his supposed past the man shows up too?! He wishes he could call Willow but a quick google search shows that Vixen’s doesn’t exist just yet, groaning as he tosses his phone onto the counter. What is he supposed to do?

He sees through the doorway how you look at Joel, the sparkle in your eyes, the way you seem almost bashful as Joel continues to talk about the most mundane things. Dieter can’t help the idea that’s popped into his head as he makes his way to the couch, sitting with your shared daughter as she watches cartoons.

It wouldn’t be the craziest thing he suggested, he’s Dieter Bravo. He’s definitely said worse things in interviews. He continues watching the two of you, the slight smirk on Joel’s face, the shy smile gracing your own.

Maybe if you fucked Joel you’d get it out of your system.

Dieter sees the attraction to Joel, of course he does. He’s rough, burly, and has that southern charm about him. The way his shirt hugs his biceps, his jeans clinging to his thighs. Joel clears his throat and Dieter snaps his head up, finding Joel staring directly at him, having been caught ogling he can feel his face turning a shade darker. You smile at Dieter, covering your mouth while a giggle escapes your lips.

“I’m gonna get started on the bathroom,” Joel says, eyeing Dieter on the couch, “Don’t let me interrupt your morning, Hollywood,” he adds with a wink.

You make your way to the couch, curling into Dieter’s side.

“So,” you giggle, with that sparkle still in your eyes, “Joel, huh?”

“Joel,” Dieter smirks, wrapping his arm around you, nodding his head. He brings you closer to his side, kissing your temple, before he scoops Lexi into his other side, keeping both his girls close to him.

- - -

“Dieter,” Mark says, giving Dieter’s shoulder a shove, “Need to wake up, you’re home.”

“Home?” Dieter grumbles, scrubbing his hands down his face, he feels metal on one of his fingers. Eyes popping open, he spots a band on his left hand. Married. He’s married?

“Yeah, home,” Mark chuckles, “And don’t worry. I took care of everything so the three of you could spend some time together for the next couple days.”

Dieter grins, saying your name out loud quizzically, he needs to make sure it worked this time. Mark nods, he gets to spend time with his girls. His girls. Dieter hops out of the car, grabbing the duffle bag from the backseat.

“Thanks for the ride Mark,” he hollers as he makes his way to his front door, shaking with nerves as he stands there. Taking a deep breath he opens the door to find the house covered in darkness, flipping on the light he takes in the room before him. Toys, books, and small shoes scattered around. His smile grows wider as he hears a noise from upstairs.

You must be upstairs waiting for him. Dieter sets his duffle bag down next to the door before flinging his crocs off on his way up the stairs. The door of the master bedroom is opened by a jar and he can hear grunts coming from within.

Fuck, Dieter thinks, manly grunts can only mean one thing.

He tiptoes to the door opening it more, seeing you naked on your knees before Joel. His thick cock in your mouth as you bob your head faster along his length.

“S’it baby,” Joel groans, throwing his head back as you take more of him down your throat, “So fucking good at that.”

You’re moaning as he grips your head, holding you on his cock.

“Fuck,” Dieter whispers, feeling his dick twitch with interest, watching you gag on Joel’s length. Joel’s head snaps towards the doorway.

“Ya just gonna stand there Hollywood or ya gon’ join?” Joel smirks, eyeing Dieter up and down, “We’ve missed you.”

You moan, pulling off Joel's cock with a soft pop, twisting your body to see Dieter.

“Hi baby,” you purr at him, “Glad that you’re home.”

Dieter stands there frozen, watching you stroke Joel’s shaft with a sly grin.

This present time is nice, Dieter thinks with a smirk on his face, I can live with this.

[jarofstyles]

Illicit 10

Here we are, babes. The last official part of the main Illicit story. It’s bittersweet because I finally completed something lmao but also, I really love them and their story.

Safe to say this isn’t the last you’ll see of them. I’m fully planning on doing little flashbacks and check ins with them, feel free to let me know what you would like to see/if you have any unanswered questions. Thank you for reading!

Check out our Patreon for early access and 160+ exclusive writings

Illicit masterlist

WC- 3.3k

Warnings- mention of wounds, stitching, having children, marriage talk, nightmares, etc

——-

“Harry, for the love of god, please be careful of your arm.” Y/N winced in worry as the man carried firewood over to their fire pit. He had not been taking his injury half as seriously as he had been taking Y/N’s concussion, treating her like the ‘delicate little bird she was.’ He’d gotten an eye roll for that. Of course he wasn’t letting her help lug the wood for their night in front of the fire. She’d requested with sleepy eyes earlier in the morning to make smores because they’d been in her dream and Harry was giving her basically anything she wanted. 

“M’fine, baby.” He laughed, appreciating her concern but knowing the injury barely stung anymore. “The stitches are coming out tomorrow, and we pushed it, keeping them until then. Only kept them because you wanted me to.” 

It had been about 2 weeks since the attack and they’d left for the lake house. As much as he knew it was terrifying for the both of them, he was utterly relieved to have Katherine behind bars. He’d made sure to keep updated by his contact in the force to know what was happening with her case. Apparently she had really lost it, but Harry didn’t give a fuck. He wanted her to rot behind bars, to live miserably and have Y/N be safe without the threat of some crazy ex-who-isn’t-an-ex looming in the background. 

Harry had kept work to a minimum, only logging in to oversee the decisions he had to make. There had been no calls besides the nightly one with his COO to ensure things were running smoothly. Other than that, his entire attention had been on Y/N. They’d barely left the house considering at first Y/N had been a bit embarrassed of her injuries. Another reason he’d hate Katherine until the day he died. Harry always was one to hold grudges, he was infamous for it. She’d never know peace if the man had anything to do with it. 

They were healing incredibly well, Harry taking the time at night to set her on the bathroom counter and wipe them clean and apply the healing ointment to them. The only one that was more than a fading scab was the one on her head along with the slight discoloration the black eye had caused. Other than that, he was more than relieved to see her bouncing back. The only thing that plagued him still was the nightmare. 

His nightmares. 

They’d always start the same, almost a play by play of what had happened to him walking into the home and up the stairs- only when he got there it had been too late. In his nightmare, the knife had already taken Y/N’s life and he couldn’t do anything to save her. He always woke up before the knife struck him, but it actually hurt him. It was a little difficult for him to admit to her, always wanting to be the strong one when it came to their pairing- someone for her to lean on fully- but she had cried once he told her and insisted that she wanted to be there for him. That a partnership was made out of balance and while she could offer him some of the same things he did for her, she was more than capable to be his emotional shoulder to cry on. It had been a tough thing to come to terms with but this week seemed to be healing. Not just physically, either. 

“Ms. Greta, please tell him to take it easy.” Y/N pouted at the older woman who brought out the tray of s’more making supplies. She’d made sure to add the peanut butter cups as requested. 

“I’m afraid if he won’t listen to you, he won’t listen to anyone.” She chuckled. “Men will be men, and that includes straining their physical health for the macho man act. One day they learn we do know what we are talking about.” A little wink was sent her way as Harry huffed, arranging the wood in the fire pit with a grumble. 

“Because I’m fine.” He stressed, standing up straight and crossing his arms. “It’s healed up nicely. I’m more than capable of setting up a little fire.” Crossing over to Y/N, he stole a kiss before grabbing the lighter and a few other things. “Just sit pretty and let your man do the work, baby. I’ve got it.” 

There was a snort heard from both women but Ms. Greta was now off the clock, wishing them a good night before retreating into the house. As much as he loved having the woman around, he really was obsessed with this alone time with Y/N. There was the residual guilt he had over her being treated less than ideally because he was juggling the faux relationship and the contract, but he knew now that he was going to have to take a bit of a step back from work in order to do that. He’d delegate as he was supposed to be doing to begin with, assign more to his assistant, take Y/N more places and on more dates out in public. He couldn’t fucking wait to attent events with her and show her off. 

He’d been waiting months to let people know who his heart belonged to, and he was finally getting the chance to do so. It was obvious now since the articles had been a media frenzy over the attack, things leaked he couldn’t pinpoint. The only thing he had been commenting on was the fact that Y/N wasn’t a mistress, Katherine wasn’t his lover that was scorned, and there was no true excuse for the actions. It was a good thing in hindsight that they were there, alone. No one had a true clue about the location and he didn’t feel like being hounded by paparazzi- though hopefully they knew better now than to test him and his hatred for the cameras.

One thing that had been burning into him, though, was a question he’d been wanting to ask her. One he knew that was a bit unorthodox but a necessary one nonetheless. 

She sat across his lap, his hoodie covering her tank top and denim shorts as her legs swung slightly while they waited for the fire to burn a bit hotter so they could roast their marshmallows.

“When would you like to get married?” He asked. “And how many kids are we thinking about?” 

The girl nearly snapped her neck as she looked at him with wide eyes, the not so casual question leaving his mouth as if it was him asking what she wanted for dinner. Harry always did find a way to shock the hell out of her but this was definitely one of the top questions that had caught her off guard.  Secretly, she’d assumed Harry had that all figured out. He always made sure to let her know how much he appreciated her opinions and her thoughts, that they were important to him- but he was a planner. Harry was the man in charge and she was happy to let him be. It took a lot of weight off of her shoulders that she wouldn’t admit to anyone else actually weighed on her. 

“Uh…” She blinked at him a few times. “I’m not sure. Kinda figured you’d be the one to pop the question. But honestly… Maybe a year? A few months? I dunno.” There was a slight lump in her throat. “I’ve no doubt I want to be with you the rest of my life so part of me feels like I’d probably be fine eloping right now if that was something you wanted but… We haven't really had the chance to be a couple out in the open. While I doubt that’s going to change much considering we feel so strongly, I think it would be kind to ourselves to let us iron out some of the details first before we fully tie the knot.” There wasn’t a right or wrong answer but it still made her a little nervous to answer. “As for kids? I’m not sure. 2? 3? I’d probably say we have one first and figure it out from there.” It wasn’t like they’d have to worry about resources externally but she knew Harry valued family more than anything and he’d want to be an active father. He’d already indulged that detail to her one night when they were particularly loved up. However, neither of them had any children so they didn’t know the workload it would entail, nor did they know how they’d work as parents. Of course they’d figure it out but it would make it a bit more clear on how many they could handle.

“First of all, as much as I’d love to call you my wife right this second… I could never deprive you of the wedding you deserve.” Y/N had told him about the fact that she had always dreamt about her wedding as a little girl. She had pinterest boards full of themes and wedding dresses she’d want to try and cake designs. He wasn’t about to deprive her of those things for his selfish needs.. Harry knew he was indeed a selfish bastard in every other facet of his life, but when it came to Y/N and his soon to be family? That was his only exception. “My mum would probably keel over dead if I did that too. Trust me, you’re going to get your princess wedding.” There was no debating that. “And for kids… I’d love to give you many, many babies.” His tone turned smooth, a little smirk lighting up his face and the twinkle of his eye. “But I think I agree. My idea had been 2-4, but I’ll take as many as you’ll give me. Always.” His hand pulled her in so he could press a kiss to her cheek, muttering a soft declaration of love. 

“Love you more.” She sighed, leaning further into his chest. “I’m so happy that we can live our lives when we get back. I know it’ll probably be a little crazy but there's no more hiding. We can go out and hold hands and kiss, people are going to know we belong to each other.” The giddiness on her face was bittersweet. “I’m so excited to be with you properly.”

The tinge of guilt hit him full on in the stomach, making him frown as he looked into the fire. He knew he had fucked up several times on this journey and Y/N just had a lot of patient and given him a lot of grace when he knew for a fact most other people wouldn’t- but that made it feel a little worse. He’d been wrong in not ditching the contract immediately. “Baby?” He said, voice quieter as he met her eyes. “I’m sorry. Genuinely sorry that I’m a stubborn son of a bitch and I didn’t just dissolve the contract and take on a lawsuit. I should have done it the day I met you because I knew you were going to mean a lot to me even there. I… I know I’ve told you a lot how you were the first and only person to ever make me feel the way you do, but it’s more than that. And my hard headed shit got us into something awful. I know I fucked up and you are more generous than I deserve but…” His fingers tenderly moved the hair from her face, stroking her cool cheek. “I’m going to work every single day for the rest of my life to make it up to you. I’m going to make you the most spoiled, well traveled, happiest woman I possibly can.” His voice stayed quiet as he searched her eyes for any hint of resentment but somehow there wasn’t any there. 

“H.. I knew what I signed up for. You’d been nothing but honest with me the night I ignored you. You laid it all out for me. I knew that you were taken in name only and I liked you so much that I agreed. I never felt like I played second to her. You can say a lot of things about you, lovely, but subtle isn’t one of those things. You never made me feel like she was important. I understood how important your business was to you- it’s the most important thing to you. Did I like seeing you with her? No. But you made it so clear to me that I was yours and you were mine, I never felt like… I never had any competition.” Y/N tried to soothe the ache she knew he felt. Of course she hadn’t liked people thinking he belonged to someone else but she knew he loved her. The most she had ever been loved, the most unashamed. 

“First, I have a correction- You are the most important thing to me. I’d give it all up for you.” That wasn’t a sentence anyone could take lightly, nor one he would ever thought he would say. It used to be the truth, but now it was far from it. “You are my life.” His gaze bore into her own as he cupped her cheek.  “There was never any competition. If we want the honest truth, I thought I’d marry as a business decision. I thought I’d probably not have any kids considering I only ever wanted children out of love. I was happy working until I was gray and about to keel over. Business was my only reason for being, and it wasn’t something I minded- but you gave my life so much more, so much color, my angel.” He’d never sounded more fond in his life, looking at his heaven sent gift perched in his lap. “I didn’t realize there was more to life until I met you. You opened my eyes and made my heart soften. I give a shit about a lot more than numbers now and it’s because of you.” 

People could say he did it himself but he knew the truth. Without meeting Y/N his life would have been the same robotic function it had been since he got out of uni, and he wouldn’t have complained. He’d never know how much he would miss out on. “I thank whoever in the world sent you to me every damn day and you know m’not religious. You are my miracle. It made me feel so fucking sick walking in that house and thinking you were hurt, I have never in my life felt that sort of terror. But I’d do it all again in order to keep you.” The scar on his arm was a reminder of that. 

“I love you, H. The most in the world.” Her eyes watered a little as she smiled at him. “I’m sorry you got scared. I was scared too, scared she would do worse with that knife though I’m still upset you got hurt at all. But I’d go through every bit of it again too.” She sniffled, feeling his thumb brush under her eye as a tear fell. “I know I want everything with you. The marriage and babies and our own house with a pool, if that’s something you want too. You’re the love of my life.” 

“And you’re mine.” He mumbled, pressing his lips to hers. “M’gonna spend every day proving that to you. Just wait and see, my angel. My heart is yours.”  

—-------

Nails dug into Harry’s back as he rocked slowly into his girl in their brand new home. One he’d bought her as a surprise when they arrived back into the city, leaving their old memories behind in the other penthouse and moving on to the next chapter in the rest of their lives. 

“H-Harry…” She bleated, holding on to him while the other hand grabbed his face and pulled his face down so he could be kissed. “Thank you. You always take c-care of me.”

His pace as slow and deep, pressing in as far as he could go on the brand new sheets they’d picked out together. The sunset bled into their room as they breathed each other in, wrapped up in their covers on their first night sleeping there. He’d spared no expense making sure he got the best of the best for her. He was dedicated to the cause, dedicated to proving to her that she was the most precious thing to him in the world. 

“M’always going to take care of you, my love.” He nudged his nose against hers as he dipped his hips to get deeper inside of her. It was like they couldn’t get close enough to one another, her legs wrapped snug around his hips while he kept himself up with one hand, the other under her neck. The term making love was fully about this. It was unmistakable. “You were made for me.” 

He couldn’t wait to spend every morning like this for the rest of his life. The man who used to cringe at the idea of fucking anyone face first now had it as his preferred position, wanting to make sure he could see every second of her reactions to him. She was snug around his cock, taking him like it was her only job in the world. He’d had no problem doing only this for the rest of his life. 

“And you were… you were made for me. We’re made for each other.” Y/N nodded, pressing another open mouthed kiss to his lips as he kept the steady pace, hitting the delicious spot he always knew how to find. “You know my body perfectly. It’s yours forever.” It was both the truth and a bit of a taunt, knowing how much he loved when she spoke like that. 

“You are. You’re mine and m’all yours, never have to share me. I love you so fucking much, Y/N.” He whimpered as her fingers tangled in his hair, tugging on it as she was filled over and over again. He hit the perfect spot and was trying to get her to cum, trying to have her finish all over him so he could do the same and stay deep inside for a while. Craving this sort of closeness was an addiction, one he didn’t plan on cutting. The obsession with Y/N grew each and every day. “I can’t wait to make you my wife.”

The woman whined out his name at the last sentence, tugging him closer with her legs as she soaked up every bit of heat from him. It didn’t matter what happened, who tried to get in their way- they would always belong to one another. There was an understanding between both of them knowing this love was bone deep, soul deep, it only deepened by the day. When it felt like they couldn’t love each other more it just kept growing, no matter how full they felt. It was everything. 

A love like this was something people revered as pure, perfect, something that everyone craved and yearned for. Something out of a book or a movie, the sort of feeling that trumps all other people and situations. Their passion and yearning for one another had been cultivated in anything but pureness, it was made in the dark. It always made him laugh a little to know that such a concept had blossomed into a real, tangible thing that he could feel between their bodies, something he could see when he looked at her, something he could taste when he kissed her. 

A love that stayed between the lines wasn’t the type that grew stronger- that’s why he smiled when they called it illicit.

[sigmasoyboy]

Surely nothing in the world ever felt better than [THIS]

Was suggested on instagram to write from Gage's POV and thinking about how I would ever write from someone who's been essentially dog lobotomized actually got me thinking so hard I started writing. The formatting of this one is a reading nightmare but the never ending run-on sentence tightly packed into one block of text feels the most appropriate to a dog's inner thoughts so… You have to suffer for the sake of art™️

cw: ableist and misogynistic language, PTSD, panic attack, murder, vomit, loss of humanity through being genetically spliced with a dog

Right now there is only [RUNNING] and [PANTING] and the wind whipping your face and twigs digging into your paw pads and snapping under your weight and the sweat tickling the inside of your thigh as it rolls down the expanse of your (ever) hairless leg. You almost want to throw your hands down into the decaying grass and leaves to propel your body further but (something) keeps you anchored to your bipedal ways, your body knows it was never made for sprinting on all four but your body was also bent once and could probably be bent further all the way to the other side transhumanised so far the evolutionary path to break all knowns nomenclature and classification and leap from (human) to [DOG] just as you do out of the shrubbery as soon as your hear [YOUR NAME], toes skidding into the overgrown lawn as you halt, tongue hanging out dumbly trying as you might to bring moisture back into your bone dry mouth. The useless instincts you (forcefully) have inherited work against you but thankfully [HE!!!] turns on the garden hose [HE!!] uses to bath you with and fresh water springs out, splattering everywhere against your open mouth. There used to be a better way to drink but you (forgot) how so you chew at the air trying to catch this pesky pesky water into your mouth while getting drenched, you were hot anyway, running so so hot from all the excess dopamine secreted by your happy happy dumb brain, so easily pleased.

Surely nothing in the world ever felt better than [THIS]; it’s the 100th time you thought this exact thing today not with words or inner monologue only pure unadulterated stabs at your mesocorticolimbic circuit, things are only [GOOD] or [BAD] not in terms of the morals (you lacked) but in terms of [PLEASURE] and [PAIN], so simple and so good like quenching your thirst and moving your limbs and eating and shitting and nerve endings being stimulated by a [GOOD SCRATCH] just like [HE] is doing right now immediately replacing the serotonin from the water [HE] just shut off, not having a care in the world for how greasy your (hair) feels or the way you wildly shake off to dry yourself or the fact that you are (not) a dog at all. You wouldn’t get any of it anyway because all you understand now is [ANGRY] and [SOFT] tone so as long as [HE] coos at (you) softly [HE] can say anything and (you) would happily (giggle) and [RUB YOUR HEAD] against his big calloused hands even if he was (talking shit). You were liberated against your (will) and you are too dumb to realize it, of course you are why would you ever stop and try to think when you can just march alongside [HIM] like [HE TAUGHT] [YOU]] like a good stupid fuckass (dog) getting all [EXCITED] because you realize [HE] is walking towards the [KITCHEN] which can only mean any and all (doubt) or [FEAR] that’s desperately trying to join each others can be [SILENCED] by a motherfucking spoonfull of [PEANUT BUTTER HOLY SHIT] sticky and salty and obstructing your airway momentarily but thank goodness you still know how to breath through your (nose) while you smack your (lips) desperately trying to (get away from the [DELICIOUS TREAT] clawing at the leathery cushion with your splitting nails nerve endings stimulated by [HURT HURT HURT FUCK what did you do why were you bad why is this happening to you this wasn’t supposed to happen you weren’t supposed to get caught in the first place but the [BITC H] squealed and slipped through your fingers and now you’re the one being [GUD LA DET SLUTTE VÆR SÅ SNILL] you should’ve made a bigger hole and (fucked it) so [BAD] no one will ever be able to identify your whore bitch corpse you r eally fucked up this time you can barely breathe through any hole now in out in out in out head heavy with the weight of ([HUMAN CONSCIOUSNESS]) getting really really light so much so you don’t feel your (claws) slicing until the victim became unrecognizable aggravated [MASSACRE] of your (ultimate reality) now there’s only [DROOL] and a little bit of [VOMIT] and your clammy skin against the (cold old tiles) of the kitchen floor and [HIS] form above you [WARM] palm encircling almost your entire still trembling arm and (garbled speech) you can never [UNDERSTAND] again, it’s so [WARM] and (nice) your [TAIL] slaps the kitchen floor, beginning to unknot [HIS] brow as you can feel yourself (smiling) dumbly at [HIM]. And now there is only [PETTING] and [ROLLING ON THE FLOOR] with the sweet-acrid aroma of [PEANUT BUTTER] and [VOMIT] [HE] stops you from [LAPPING] just before your tongue touches it.

Surely nothing in the world ever felt better than [THIS].

[catghoul31]

I Just Wanted To Feed Some Ducks, For Christ's Sake

Wade was just having a @poolverine-week Day 4: First Date with Logan, when out of nowhere, a close-minded jerkwad of a dad decides to harass them! He deals with it in typical Deadpool fashion, but accidentally reveals something about himself along the way. Will Logan still love him? Or will he hate him forever and ever and never, ever talk to him again??

(...Spoiler alert: everything was fine. Psh, I wasn't even worried!! Why'd you think I'd ever be worried...?)

Content Warnings: Homophobia and Transphobia (directed at logan and wade)

Read it under the cut, or on ao3!

This was probably the happiest Deadpool had been in about a decade… and all he was doing was throwing corn and peas at ducks at the park!! Oh, but his Logan was there, and today, that made all the difference. 

A couple days ago, they’d exchanged their first “I love you”s, kissed each other until their lips got sore, and signed marriage documents. That third one would’ve only been true if he’d taken Vanessa’s advice at face value, sure- but it was official now!! Deadpool and Wolverine were an item. No queerbaiting, no sending one partner to superhell, and not an ounce of homophobia to be found! This story would be really short, because it was honestly just an excuse for Wade to tell all you guys that he was feeding ducks with Wolvie right now. Wasn’t that an adorable thought in these trying times? He sure was glad no one was gonna ruin it, and he could just lean against him and kiss him on the cheek all cutely-

“Hey, what the hell-? You can’t be doing that around my kids!!”

FUCK.

Okay, Wade, calm down. Maybe there’s some other weirdo who decided to waltz over here naked or something, and that’s who he’s talking to? 

No- no, this guy was walking over to them- and there goes that cute little smile on Logan’s face. Why does this author keep making us deal with shit like this…? I just wanted to feed some ducks, for Christ’s sake!

“I don’t remember asking you, dickhead,” Logan grumbled lowly, and Wade would recognize that tone anywhere… That was only ever how he spoke if he was seconds away from introducing the claws to someone’s face!! He needed to humble this Karen-in-training now, before his peanut gave that guy a real reason to get them kicked out!!

The rando who thought he was the king of this public park scoffed at the show of aggression, crossing his arms. “No, listen to me!! I don’t care if you two want to be freaks in private, but I won’t have my children seeing this nonsense-“

“Nonsense?? We’re just feeding some ducks, lady!!” Wade interjected, stepping in between both the fuming, borderline rabid monster man and Logan. “I know that sounds concerning, but that bucket’s full of mixed vegetables! No white bread here, we know that’s bad for them, so I promise your kids won’t pick up any bad habits-“

“God, shut up!! You know exactly what I’m talking about- this gay shit… ” he hissed, as if ‘gay’ was a four-letter word or something, while gesturing at them as though they were some spectacle. He really could’ve picked… any of their other adventures, if spectacle was what he wanted. He was clearly new here, since Deadpool knew he’d gotten a lot fruitier than this!! But whatever- so much for no homophobia, right?

“Oh, come on!! ” Wade said, in the middle of a few barks of laughter. “ That’s the problem you have with us?? In the year of our lord 2024… I mean, I’m a fucking merc, and you’ll probably find out what’s going on with my super-friend here if you keep bugging us,” he quipped, smirking at how fucking pissed Logan looked. He’d have no problem calming him down later, if you know what I mean… ;) But he was honestly curious- what lore was behind the stick up this man’s ass?

“Please, though, tell me how me giving this little guy a little kissy-kissy affects your children, who are currently throwing handfuls of dirt at each other 200 feet away from us where they can’t possibly see us,” Wade snarked, scratching Logan’s head as said little guy continued growling threateningly at the man. “Easy now, tiger…” he soothed, to absolutely no avail.

The loving, accepting individual in front of them cringed at the exchange before them, nearly looking ready to spit on Wade. Hey, he’d gladly open his mouth for him!! “You don’t see a single problem with this?? Ignoring how fucked up whatever that guy’s doing to me is-“

“I’ll show you fucked up, you sad, bigoted waste of-“

“Hey, hey!! We’re having a civil conversation here, Logan- I am so sorry. He’s not used to new faces, but I’ve been working on socializing him-“ Wade joked again, shutting up as soon as he felt the pricks of his claws brush his hand. They had to keep it cool, blood-free and stuff, because they had to think of the kids, right??

“-I don’t want my, or any other kid, going around thinking it’s okay for two men to be treating each other like women! God, you two are sick…”

Immediately, a lightbulb went off in Wade’s head. Without thinking, he said exactly what was on his mind, because oh my god it sounded so fucking funny to him- 

“Well… how do you know I’m not a woman?”

Dead silence followed his statement. Logan wasn’t even snarling at the dude anymore, and the dude himself was looking at him like Tails did in that one MS Paint comic panel that made him crack up every time he saw it. Fucking brilliant.

“…Because you have a penis?? What kind of question is that, you freak?!” he yelled, and Wade felt Logan tense up in defense once again.

“Woah, woah- and how do you know that?? Get your mind out of my pants- and maybe yourself away from this lake, if you want to keep your… everything intact,” he said, tightening the arm he had around his honey badger as he glared daggers into this dickwad. Truthfully, he was this close to just letting him go- it’d be so funny!! Except his kids were supposedly here, so…

“Ohh my fucking-“ The male Karen- Kyle?- whoever he was- his brain was officially broken. Wade loved to see it!! “Just- get out!! Degenerates like you shouldn’t be allowed anywh- HOLY SHIT!!”

Snikt!! Oh, that was one of Wade’s Top 3 Favorite Sounds Of All Time for sure… and the full flash of claws from Logan finally had this dude running away with his nonexistent tail between his legs. “Awh, good boy!!” Wade praised, patting his back affectionately. “You showed him, didn’t you-?”

“Just… just shut up,” Logan said, though there wasn’t any anger in his voice anymore. Just exhaustion- and confusion? Oh… oh no… “Let’s just go home, okay, bub?”

Wade furrowed his brows- if they left now, it meant that guy won, didn’t it? But then he realized, once again- that “joke” about him possibly being a woman? Not nearly as much of a joke, as it turned out!! Did… Did Logan even know about stuff like this? Shit, he might’ve said too much in the heat of the moment… This could be bad.

“Yeah… yeah, peanut. Let’s go…”

—

An awkward silence settled over them both as they walked home. Quite unusual, since usually Wade was yapping about anything and everything whenever they’d go anywhere, even before this little date of theirs!! But he wasn’t in the mood for that- he didn’t even reach for his hand, when he’d been holding it the entire time while they were walking here. He was too anxious over what Logan must think of him now… or maybe he was worried over nothing, and Logan did really just take it as a joke? Wade really hoped that was the case…

Logan abruptly stopped in his tracks, right before they got to their apartment complex, and turned to face Wade. “Wanna tell me what that was about, bub?” he rasped, his tone just accusatory enough to have his blood pressure spiking.

“That Karen??” Wade said, hoping beyond hope that that’s what he meant. “Oh, just a dipshit in public, and you didn’t actually hurt him, so we’re probably fine-“

“No, Wade. What you said. About…” Logan shook his head, tilting his head at Wade with his brow furrowed in confusion… and concern? “…I’m sorry, I just gotta know if you… meant that. If you’d rather I call you… are- are you trans or something??”

…Okay, that was close , and technically correct- but no, Wade wasn’t a woman. Not entirely, anyways... Logan didn’t seem disgusted by the idea, so that part of Wade’s worries was able to shut up!! But… god, this was gonna get even more confusing. “I… well…” Wade paused for a second, trying to figure out how to put this.

“Not judging you here, bub. Just… trying to make sure, so I didn’t accidentally-“

“No- no!! I’m not- well… okay, you’re gonna have to stay with me here, peanut. Alright?” Wade asked, his gaze flitting away from Logan and suddenly finding the cracks in the sidewalk very, very interesting. The gruff man slowly nodded, looking at him patiently.

“I’m not… not a man. But I’m also… not not a woman, either? I might also be some secret third thing, don’t worry about it- just, I don’t really even care that much!! Trust me!! It’s just…” Wade nervously chuckled- it seemed so simple in his mind, but Logan had to be so confused right now, right? “…You don’t gotta change anything with my name or nothing, it’s just- a long while back, I kinda figured out that… my gender, it’s… more complex than just a man?? If that makes any sense…?”

Logan was looking at Wade, trying to decipher his words. As soon as Wade saw that face, his heart dropped- he knew that would all be too much too soon… Maybe he should just pretend he was joking after all? It’d be much easier that way-

“…Okay? I can’t say I’ve heard of that before, but… Wade. You know I don’t give a fuck, right?” For a moment, Wade glanced up at Logan, really hoping he wasn’t calling him ridiculous or anything. It was always hard to explain this to people, which is why he usually just… didn’t! But Logan wouldn’t have let him lie about it… he never let him lie about anything anymore!! Something about being able to “smell when he’s lying” or some shit?

“That- no, that sounded bad, what I’m trying to say is…” Logan reached forward to grab his hand again, and Wade felt his heart calm down and fill itself with butterflies at the same damn time. “If… if that’s what you are, I don’t mind. Whatever it is- you know what, just throw the Wikipedia page at me if it has a name, okay?”

Genderfluid. Wade had figured that out with Vanessa long ago, and learning what that meant, why he felt like he fit in with both men and women- but also neither category truly felt like… him? Her? Them, even-? was a massive breath of fresh air at the time. And… Logan was willing to learn. All for him…? Oh, he knew he’d picked right!! Thank God he hadn’t picked the vaguely problematic Logan from the early comic days on accident or something…

“You… you mean it, Logan? I didn’t just blow your mind in a bad way…?” Wade huffed uncomfortably, still not quite believing what he’d just said.

“Ah,” Logan waved off his concerns, stepping closer to give him a hug. Oh, he could cry- Logan hugs were the best… “You’re still Wade, aren’t ya? We’re mutants- people like him hate us for a lot of reasons. Just because I don’t understand something… doesn’t mean it’s any of my business. And- bub…” He stepped back a bit, giving Wade that soft, caring look that always melted his heart. “I’ll try my best to understand. For your sake, alright? I love you…”

Wade genuinely smiled, for the first time since that shitbag ruined their nice day out. “I love you too, peanut. Thanks… really. This means a lot…” he muttered, squeezing him tight before he pulled away.

In return, Logan gave Wade’s hand a tight squeeze. God- always had to try and break his fingers, huh? “No problem, bub…” He muttered something under his breath, making Wade’s heart skip a beat since it sounded suspiciously like, “You mean a lot, so…”

With that heartwarming coming-out story out of the way, they walked back to their apartment as though nothing had happened… and in a way, it really hadn’t!

Because they had each other, didn’t they? And no one's stupid opinion of them would get in the way of their love, no matter how loud and annoying they were about it…

[grimoireofhayley]

Of Friends and Horror

Stu Macher x Fem!Reader x Billy Loomis

WARNINGS: Graphic content, eventual Smut (MINORS DNI), Language, Talks of SA (rape), Cheating, Obsessiveness, Gore, 18+ content, Stalking, Jealousy, Angst, Possessiveness, (let me know if there’s more that needs to be added!)

Word Count: 1.02k

Tag List: @ev3ningrain @nerdytif @m-the-little-witch

A/N: Ah, I hope y’all feel lucky. Two chapters in one day! I hope you enjoy this one as much as I enjoyed writing it. I hope I captured Randy, Billy, and Stu’s personality correctly. Thank you so much for reading! I’m hoping I’d get an update out tomorrow, but if not, it should be up later on this week at some point so keep an eye open. I also wrote this on my iPad, so I apologize if there’s any grammatical errors. I’ll proofread again tomorrow and put out an updated version. Oh, again, if you wanna be added to the tag list, just comment down below. Thank you :)

All chapter links! 👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻

OF&H Masterlist

Chapter 3

“Remember, your principal loves you, and I want you to be safe. All students are encouraged to return to their homes promptly from school grounds…” The principal spoke over the PA, “Avoid strangers, walk in twos and threes—“

You pinched the bridge of your nose, visibly stressed from all the questioning. You haven’t a clue why you were so upset about everything, you weren’t the killer, but for some reason it felt like you were. Maybe you should’ve lied? Twisted the story a bit so you didn’t reveal you were a mistress at some point in your life.

“I am a slut..” You mumbled, dragging your fingers down your face, causing your eyes to droop. “Now Brooke is definitely going to find out, how am I to confront her on that?” You asked no one in particular.

You stared at the vibrant blue sky, squinting when the sun flashed your eyes. “Have mercy on me, please?” You begged the man upstairs, not expecting an answer in return.

“What kind of questions did they ask you, Sid?” You heard Tatum’s voice in the distance.

You blew a raspberry, putting your brave face on and sauntered over to your friend group at the fountain.

“They asked if I knew Casey…” Sidney’s voice soon followed.

“Hi, guys!” You chirped, sitting in front of Stu, Billy, Tatum and Sidney, unintentionally stopping their conversation.

“Hello, Sweetcheeks!” Stu blurted, eyes glazing over you, a small smirk planted on his lips. “What took you so long?” He groaned, “It’s always so boring when you aren’t here!” He frowned, tossing his head back.

“Gee, thanks Stu..” Tatum snipped, causing you to giggle.

You looked over to Billy, seeing Sidney leaning against his legs, your face contorting in disgust as jealousy was creeping up on you. You mentally slapped yourself, looking away and back at Stu.

“Uh, they had me stay longer for questioning…” You admitted, leaning back against your bag, stretching out your legs.

“Huh? Why?” Billy asked, curiously.

“Yeah, why’s that?” Sidney mumbled.

You swallowed the lump that formed in your throat.

“Just reasons, I guess.”

“Speaking of questioning, did they ask if you like to hunt?” Stu looked at Billy and Randy who seemed to have shown up out of nowhere.

“Yeah, they did. Did they ask you?” Billy answered and probed, Randy nodded in agreement.

“Hunt? Why would they ask you if you liked to hunt?” Tatum voiced.

“Because their bodies were gutted.” Randy spoke up, shoving a peanut in his mouth.

“They didn’t ask me if I liked to hunt…” both Sidney and Tatum declared.

Stu looked around, but his eyes always seemed to land on you, which caused you to blush, and chew on your fingernail.

“‘Cause there’s no way a girl could’ve killed ‘em..” Stu laughed.

“That’s bullshit. The killer could easily be female, basic instinct.”

“That was an ice pick. Not exactly the same thing…” Randy butted in.

“Yeah, Casey and Steve were completely hollowed out. And the fact is, it takes a man to do something like that.” Stu grinned, still staring at you without realizing it.

You leaned in, placing your chin on the palm of your hand. “Really now? If that’s so, then why did they ask me if I liked to hunt, Stu?” You smirked, catching all of them off guard. “Like Tatum said, the killer could easily be a girl. Though, with how they were killed it was clearly a man. They’re all the same, messy. They like to play with their prey. A woman on the other hand, knows how to get things done, swiftly and cleanly. Why do you think they don’t get caught as easily?” You finished your statement. Drumming your fingers across your lap in triumph.

“That was— I was not expecting that.” Stu laughed loudly, bewilderment lingering around him like an aroma of some sorts. Billy was just as shocked, but more amused.

However, Sidney wasn’t having it. “How… How do you gut someone?” She asked.

“You take a knife—“ Stu started and Billy looked up from his lunch. “And you slit ‘em from the groin to the sternum..”

“Hey.” Billy cut Stu off, glaring at him. “It’s called tact, you fuckrag.”

You sighed, shaking your head.

“Hey, (Y/n)..” Sidney asked, ignoring Billy and Stu’s former conversation.

Your ears perked and you looked at her confused.

“Didn’t you used to date Steve Orth?”

‘Now how in the fuck could she have possibly known that…’ You thought, your ears turning red from anger and you clenched your fist.

“Yeah, for like a couple of months..”

“Hold up, did I miss a chapter or something? When the hell did you date him?” Billy asked, looking somewhat pissed.

“Uh, yeah, I have to agree with Billy here.. when the hell did that happen?” Tatum’s eyes widened, she felt betrayed.

“Jesus, guys, it was only a couple of months, I don’t even know how Sidney found out.” You started, shooting Sidney a glare.

“Can we change the subject, please?”

“Did you sleep with him?” Stu mumbled, starting to get irritated as well.

“All of you, please just shut up. It is not a big deal.” You demanded.

“Are the police aware that you dated the victim?” Randy asked, ignoring your pleas.

“Hey, what are you saying? That I killed both Casey and Steve?” Your mouth gaped at the accusation.

“It just makes sense, ex-girlfriend not over the relationship, gets jealous seeing her lover with someone else… You know, the scorned ex who kills for revenge!” Randy shouted, earning a few stares in the process from passersby’s.

“(Y/n) was with me last night, okay?” Billy spoke, winking at you from behind Sidney.

“Yeah, I was…” You stated, catching Sidney’s eyes darting your way.

“Was that before or after you sliced them up?”

“Hold on, you went to (Y/n)‘s after you came by my place? You said you were going to Stu’s!” Sidney flared her nostrils, anger bubbling to the surface.

“Oh, brother…” You whispered, face-palming. Seeing Sidney hurriedly packing up her things, she didn’t give neither you or Billy time to explain...

<- Previous Next ->

[sequinsmile-x]

Where You Go - Chapter 1

She isn’t sure what does it, whether it’s the condescending tone in her mother’s voice, or how she can hear her aunt laughing in the background, but she’s lying before she can stop herself.

“Actually, I am seeing someone."

AKA - the one where Emily asks Aaron, her best friend (who she happens to be hopelessly in love with) to pose as her boyfriend at her cousin's wedding, and things change between them forever.

-x-

Hi friends!

It is once again July, which is not only my birthday month, but the birthday month of a LOT of people in this fandom - so I thought I'd write something to mark the occasion. I love you alls very much and you bring me so much joy with your kudos, comments and reblogs.

I was thinking about what to do, and I know y'all love getting together fics, and I almost never write them when they are not a one-shot. And I've also never done the fake dating trope with these two...so this seems like a perfect opportunity.

Chapters will be weekly throughout July :)

As ever, please let me know what you think <3

-x-

Warnings: full list of tags can be found on the masterlist

Words: 3.1k

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

Emily sighs contentedly as she sinks onto the couch, a glass of wine in one hand and a pack of peanut butter cups in the other. She’s reaching for the remote, ready to skip through the movie channels until she finds a suitably terrible Sci-Fi flick, when her phone chimes in her pocket. 

She puts down her wine glass and shifts to pull her phone out of her sweatpants and smiles when she sees Aaron’s name on the screen. Her smile turns into a laugh when she sees a selfie of him and Jack attached to his message. They have matching, over the top, frowns on their faces and Jack’s favourite book pressed between them. 

Apparently, my storytime skills aren’t anywhere near as good as yours. 

She presses her lips together to try to stop her smile from getting any bigger, her finger briefly hovering over the image of their faces before she types out her reply. 

What can I say, if you’ve got it - you’ve got it.

She’d always loved Jack. She’d been taken by him the very first time Haley had brought him to the office, way back when she and Aaron were still together and he was just Emily’s boss who didn’t quite trust her. Haley had seemed a little on edge, her frustration clear when Emily told her Aaron was on a call, her eyes flicking to Aaron’s office as she muttered she’d go talk to him regardless. At the time, Emily hadn’t known that their relationship was hanging on by a thread, that Aaron’s dedication to his job was fraying it even further, all she’d seen was an irritated wife whose mood was passing over to her son, a baby Jack wriggling and fussing in her arms. 

Emily had offered to take him without really thinking about it, her hands held out to take the baby from Haley’s arms before her brain caught up with her. Haley had simply smiled gratefully and passed Jack over to her before she’d walked up the stairs towards Aaron’s office with purpose. She’d huffed out a breath, only really aware that she was holding her boss's son when she turned to look at Jack, his face pinched together in a small frown that she was all too familiar with being on the receiving end of from his father. She’d turned his mood around quickly, singing softly to him and sitting him on her lap, smiling and pretending to chew on his fists when he kept trying to grab at trinkets on her desk. 

She’d ignored the curious looks from her teammates and waved off Haley’s gratitude when she walked back down to the bullpen, her shoulders somehow tenser than they had been when she’d walked in, something that was only slightly dissipated when she had her son back in her arms. Aaron had watched the exchange from the gangway, his hands on the handrail as he looked down at them all. Emily hadn’t missed the way he smiled, a quick flash of a thing across his face she was sure he hadn’t meant to show, when he saw how content Jack was in her lap. When she looked back on it, she liked to think that was when Aaron first started to trust her more, the obvious trust his infant son had in her the first shake of the foundations of his mistrust in her. 

Her phone vibrates again and she smiles softly at the response from Aaron, love that felt dangerous to feel blooming in her chest, the flowers of it crowding her lungs. 

We missed you tonight. 

She blows out a shaky breath and closes her eyes, swallowing thickly to push back down the same love her chest was stuffed full of, forever on the brink of letting it all spill out. 

She’d known that she was in love with him for a long time. A feeling she’d had since the start that she’d never dared to name suddenly obvious in the wake of him being missing after Foyet attacked him. Pre-emptive grief and fear that she’d known was more than just friendship rolling in her gut the moment she saw the blood on his living room floor. There was never a good time to do anything about it, never a perfect chance to see if the fleeting moments she thought he might feel the same way too could come to anything. 

By the time his life had settled down as much as it could, when his smile seemed real again and he was coming back out of the shadows Foyet had forced him and his son into, she was dead to almost everyone but him. She’d been so mad at first, stuck in Paris away from everything she’d built around herself, and it was easier to be mad at him than it was to be mad at herself. To pretend she was furious at him for making the decision that had saved her life. As time went on, as her weeks in Paris melting away into months, she realised she was angry at herself, sure that she’d lost her only chance to be happy with him. A crossroads in her life that she’d blindly walked by, sure there would be another turn to it further down the path. 

His, albeit short, relationship with Beth when Emily returned home only confirmed for her that her feelings were one-sided. When he introduced her to them at his recent triathlon it had felt like a kick in the gut, her rolling stomach no longer to do with just her raging hangover. 

He’d recently mentioned in passing that he and Beth had broken up, his smile tight when Emily expressed her sympathy, hoping beyond anything that he wouldn’t see the happiness that lingered beneath. 

Aaron had been an excellent friend to her since her return, and he’d slowly become the person she’d go to first about anything - even over JJ and Penelope. He was the only person who didn’t want her to be who she used to be, who didn’t expect her to fit back into a box that felt nothing short of the wrong fit. He’d started to invite her over to spend time with him and Jack, which is where her supposed superior storytelling skills had come into play. Jack always asked for her to put him to bed if she was there, and she couldn’t say no to him. She could barely say no to Aaron. She loved spending time with them, but sometimes it hurt. Like she was playing house with the people who, in another life, could have been her family. An echo of different choices. A reminder of what could have been. 

It was why she was home tonight even though Aaron had invited her over. She needed some time to re-group, to remind herself that it was okay if he didn’t feel the same way about her, because she’d rather have him as her friend, her best friend, than not at all. She’d told him that she was tired, that she was going to head to bed early, and he, thankfully hadn’t questioned it. 

I miss you both too. Next weekend. 

She’s barely sent her response when the phone starts to ring in her hand, her smile dissolving into a groan when she sees her mother calling her. She blows out a breath and shakes her head, flopping back against the couch as she hits answer. 

“Hi, Mother.” 

“Emily, I’m here with your Aunt Charlotte, and we’re talking about Tiffany’s wedding.” 

Emily rolls her eyes at the mention of her cousin’s wedding and reaches for her glass of wine, “Oh I’m fine, Mom. How are you?” 

Elizabeth scoffs and Emily can just imagine the look on her face. It makes her smile as she sips her wine, “We’re going over the guest list, and it says here you’ve been put down for a plus one.”

She curses herself and sinks into the couch. She hadn’t really thought about it when she filled out the RSVP. She’d ticked the plus one box and idly thought that she’d find a date closer to the time, but now it was a week away and she hadn’t found anyone. Work had been busy, back-to-back cases leaving her with very little time to herself, and there was the small issue of being head over heels in love with her best friend making it difficult to even want to find someone to take as a date. 

“About that-”

“I was just telling Charlotte that you’re not dating, that you haven’t dated in a long time, and I wanted to make sure we weren’t wasting a space. This whole weekend is costing your aunt and uncle a small fortune.” 

She isn’t sure what does it, whether it’s the condescending tone in her mother’s voice, or how she can hear her aunt laughing in the background, but she’s lying before she can stop herself, “Actually, I am seeing someone,” she says, “We’ve been dating for a while and I’m bringing him.” 

“Oh really?” Elizabeth asks, her disbelief clear, “And what is this mystery man’s name?” 

She curses herself again and looks around her apartment as if that would help her create a man out of nowhere, and her eyes land on a picture that Penelope had taken at the triathlon. It was just of her, Jack and Aaron, a photo that was originally just supposed to be father and son but the little boy had insisted Emily join them. Jack had given the framed picture to her recently as a gift, matching smiles on his and Aaron’s faces as they told her she needed more personal touches at her place, the show home feel still lingering in every corner, most of her boxes still unpacked. She sucks in a breath and makes the decision in an instant. 

“Aaron,” she says, clearing her throat, “I’m dating Aaron Hotchner.”

___

She was pacing outside of his office. 

Every now and again he’d look up to see her on the other side of the window, her nervousness clear even through the glass and the closed door. He knew that she’d talk to him about whatever she was getting her head around, but he also knew he couldn’t rush her, that she needed to come to him on her own terms. 

He pretends to focus on paperwork, worst-case scenarios about what could have her so worked up swimming in his head, mixing in with her insistence on spending last night alone and making him anxious. 

It almost feels like a relief when he hears the knock on the door, his answer immediate, “Come in.” 

“Hi,” she says, popping her head around the door, “Do you have a minute?” 

He nods and she smiles gratefully, making sure that the door is closed behind her as she steps into his office. She stares at him, her lips pressed together as she looks down at her feet, a tension in her shoulders that doesn’t make him feel any less worried. 

“You can talk to me about anything, Em,” he says, letting the nickname he only usually used out of work slip free since it was just the two of them, “You know that.” 

She nods, her teeth sinking into her lower lip as she steps back to sit on the couch in his office, “I know.” 

She falls back into silence and he slips out of his seat, stepping around his desk to join her on the couch, “Emily,” he says, smiling softly when she looks up at him, “You’re worrying me.” 

She huffs out a breath and shakes her head at herself, “Sorry, it’s not anything major or life-changing,” she says, smiling self deprecatingly, “No more secret pasts as a spy, I promise.” 

He chuckles, some of the tension in his chest easing at her joke, “Good,” he replies, smiling wryly at her, “Although, if it was that I’d be impressed that you found the time to do it more than anything else.” 

She laughs and nods, looking down at her clasped hands in her lap, “It’s my cousin’s wedding in Connecticut next weekend. It’s going to last all weekend.”

He nods, his eyebrows knitting together curiously, “I know,” he replies, “You told me. And you blocked the weekend out as unavailable to work months ago.” 

She presses her lips together, “I…my mother called last night and asked if I still needed a plus one. But she’s her,” she says laughing bitterly, “So of course she didn’t just ask normally she asked whilst also insulting my life. I could hear my Aunt Charlotte laughing in the background-”

“Em,” he says, reaching out and touching her arm, squeezing gently, “You’re spiralling,” he says, well aware that only her mother could bring this out of her, “What’s going on?” 

She clears her throat, “I lied and told her I had a boyfriend and that he’s coming with me to the wedding.” 

“Oh,” he replies, the mere thought of her dating someone else forcing his heart to skip a beat. She rolls her eyes at him, clearly frustrated that he wasn’t understanding what she was saying.

“I told her it was you.” 

His eyes go wide, a reaction he’s unable to stop, and he momentarily forgets to breathe.

He’d been in love with her for years. He’d only known thats what it was when he stood over a grave that he knew was empty, guilt for not saving her, for having to send her away, burning him from the inside out. He lied to himself and said when she came back he’d tell her, that he’d try and find a way to let her know, but he never did. At first, it was because he could see how unsteady she was, how uneven her footing was every day she tried to find her place in her new life. Eventually, even as she spent more and more time with him and Jack, he still didn’t say anything, concern for her morphing into concern that she didn’t feel the same way back and that he didn’t want to ruin their friendship. 

He knew that she could do better than him anyway, that she deserved someone with less baggage of his own making. 

He’d tried to make it work with Beth. She was nice, and pretty and made him laugh but she wasn’t Emily. He called things off after a couple of months because he knew it wasn’t fair on either of them to carry on, her irritation at his and Jack’s closeness with Emily, something he wasn’t going to give up, becoming more obvious as time went on. 

He clears his throat, everything he wants to say stuck in it, “Oh.” 

“I know it’s a lot to ask,” she says, “But…I was thinking maybe you could come with me?” 

“Oh.” He says again, still staring at her and she blows out a breath, her pink cheeks puffed out with it.

“You’re saying that a lot,” she says, and the anxious tone in her voice knocks him out of the trance he’s fallen into. 

“Okay.” 

“It’s just it will be the first time I saw any of my family, apart from Mother, since I went into hiding,” she says, as if she hasn’t heard him, “And they are a lot at the best of times, so it might be nice having someone on my side for-”

“Emily,” he says, squeezing her arm again, his smile slightly teasing when she looks back at him, “I said okay.” 

Her eyes go wide, “Okay?” 

He nods, “Okay.” 

She blows out a breath, her shoulders sagging with relief, “Okay.”

He winks at her, “You’re saying that a lot.” 

She rolls her eyes and hits his shoulder lightly, “Stop making fun of your fake girlfriend.” Her comment weighs heavily in the air around them, taking away all the levity of the last few moments and she sighs, “Are you sure?” She asks, “Because I can always just suck it up and talk to her.”

Even though she’s offering him an out he doesn’t even consider taking it, already shaking his head before she finishes talking, “What kind of best friend would I be if I let you face them by yourself.” 

She nods, something he can’t name flashing in her eyes, “Well, I’m sure when Dave was your best friend you never had to pose as a date at a wedding.” 

“No,” he says, laughing, “But I did go to two of his, and at one of them I was best man.” 

She smiles and leans forward, pulling him into a hug, her arms tight around him, “Thank you so much.” 

He takes a second to react, and hugs her back. They rarely touched each other beyond a squeeze of an arm or a shoulder. She hugged Jack all the time, the little boy constantly pressed up against Emily’s side when she was at their apartment, and Aaron was embarrassed to admit it made him jealous of his own son. He takes a moment to appreciate the weight of her against his chest, the smell of her perfume and her shampoo filling his senses, and he closes his eyes, allowing himself to sink into it.

“You’re welcome.” 

The hug lasts a second longer than he thinks it should, and she must come to the same realisation because she pulls away, her smile shy as she stands up, “Well, I should get back to my paperwork. My boss is a bit of a hardass.”

He laughs and stands up too, “I heard you’re his favourite though, so I’m sure you’ll get away with it,” he says, his heart ballooning in his chest when she smiles widely, her dimples carved out in her cheeks, almost daring him to press his thumbs against them, “You’ll send me all the information for the wedding?”

She nods, “Of course,” she says, pausing in the doorway, her hand on the handle as she looks at him again, “Thanks again, Aaron. It…it means a lot.” 

He smiles softly as he walks back over to his desk, “No problem, Emily,” he says, holding his smile as she walks out of his office, her stride lighter than it had been when she’d walked in, as if he’d physically lifted a weight off of her shoulders. The door closes behind her and he’s alone again, the rest of his sentence free to escape now she was no longer in earshot, “I’d do anything for you.” 

It wouldn’t be easy, acting like they were everything he wanted them to be for a couple of days before going back to normal, a strange type of personal torture he was putting himself through simply because she’d asked, but he’d do it. 

He’d do anything for the woman he loved, even if she never loved him back in the way he wanted. 

-x-

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Growing Pains CH2 (MWC Day 8!)

Pairing: RE2 Leon Kennedy x Male(Intended) Reader Summary: College AU/Meet-cute(?) The cute guy that Claire hangs out with finally works up the courage to talk to you. Words: 1,662/200 Warnings: a few curse words but that's to be expected. Notes: Leon is super shy and awkward, I haven't read through it but when I was writing the dialogue and the text between it felt pretty chunky so if anyone has notes about that please let me know, I'm experimenting a little with the paragraphs, let me know if you liked the smaller ones better.

Navigation | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5

☁︎⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆

Friday felt like it would never end, like you’d never be able to catch a break. You had to feel grateful, though, it hadn’t rained yet and your weather app told you it would be sunny all day. The extreme difference in the weather kept you reeling, back home the temperature and weather were usually consistent with the month, but after moving closer to school you'd noticed that the weather was a lot more sporadic here; yesterday it had been freezing and pouring for the majority of the day, getting as low as 10 °C with a warning for hail. Today was the complete opposite, the temperature had been between 26 and 32 °C with absolutely no clouds in sight. The extreme (and unwarranted) differences in the weather had left you staggering to catch up, you’d woken up that morning absolutely drenched in sweat and blinded by the sun. Having set your thermostat to keep up with the freezing temperatures outside and the poor insulation of your cheap apartment, since it had been cloudy all week you never bothered with your curtains or blinds but clearly that was a mistake. 

You probably shouldn't say you hated Chicago, it was nice sometimes and the students here were pretty respectful. You could count on one hand all of the times you’ve actually had a bad customer experience and all of them centered around finals or exams. You look up as the bell dings and a customer enters, he’s huge, completely dwarfing you in size. As soon as he steps up to the counter you recognize him, his pale skin, and the weird markings on his face. You’ve heard Claire complaining about him time and time again, he was apparently so strict that no one in his classes has ever passed. 

You highly doubted that no one’s ever passed but since she never gave you his name, and only referred to him as the Evil Tyrant of the West Wing, you could never fact-check her. Evil tyrant or not, you still had a job to do and money to make so, you put on your best smile and greeted him politely. He orders a black coffee and a triple shot of expresso, you’re a little intimidated by his voice, and maybe his order but you know plenty of guys with his stature and intimidating aura who are actually sweethearts. The order is simple, youve made it so many times for the poor professors who used to come by in the dead of night, it's pure muscle memory at this point. Getting his order made and totaled up on the register takes little to no thought, he waits like he's got better things to do, and before you can tell him he tosses the exact total onto the counter, paying without thanking (or tipping) you. 

He scoops up his two drinks before marching out of the shop. His footsteps are loud and heavy, clunky boots dropping down hard onto the linoleum like you used to do as a pubescent 16-year-old throwing a tantrum, you think about how every time you did that your mom would call you disrespectful and she’d take away your phone. At that thought small smile forms on your face, you can't help but feel a little amused at the image of your tiny, 5’4 mother disciplining a man about as tall and wide as a skyscraper. “What an ass.” You huff and glance back down at the tip jar, it was a measly four bucks and some change, mostly quarters. You’ve had worse tips, at least this could buy you a water and maybe some peanuts or sunflower seeds if you chose right. 

You lean against the counter and cast a glance out of the big windows at the front, the guy Claire eats with is out there looking like a terrified puppy, he’s gripping the handles of his bike tightly as the tyrant guy chews into him for something you can only imagine. You watch as the tyrant storms off, pretty dramatically, Claire's friend puts up his bike and locks it to the pole before coming inside, he flinches when he sees you watching and shakily pulls off his (stupid-looking) helmet. “You- uh… Did you see all that?” His voice shakes slightly and he fidgets with the helmet nervously “Maybe.” You shrug wanting to cut the guy some slack. “Was it something you wanted me to see?” He shakes his head and you go back to the register, “Then I guess I didn't see anything.” He visibly relaxes but his steps toward the counter are a little shaky, you’re already tapping his order into the register by the time he gets up to the counter. “I didn't even order yet…” He sounds a little flustered and you look up to see that his cheeks have gone pink. “You get the same thing every time.” You counter, tapping the green total button on the register, “What if I wanted something different.” His voice evens out like he's getting more comfortable. “Did you?” - “No.” You chuckle at the absurdity and shake your head. 

“2.95 big guy.” There's a pause and you look up expectantly, he's looking at you star-struck but as soon as you make eye contact he fumbles for his wallet, dropping his helmet in the process. “Um- im so sorry…” He apologizes quickly, handing you a five and bending to pick up his helmet. “S’fine.” you pause to put his cash into the register and pull out his change. “Two-oh-five is your change.” You hand it back only for him to drop it into your tip jar, he smiles and takes his cookie when you hand it to him. “Is- uh. I mean- is Claire not here today?” He fumbles a little, tearing off pieces of his cookie. 

You shake your head “Nah, not yet. Summer’s always slow.” He nods along with you, it's obvious he knows Claire isn't here. You look over at the windows again and check your watch, it's just about closing time. “Why is that?” He breaks the silence as you log out of the register, you look up at him a little caught off guard, “Hm? Why what?” His cheeks go pink and he fumbles for words- “Um… I mean- uh. Why is summer always slow?” You nod, understanding what he meant, and go back to the register with a shrug, “Luis says it’s ‘cause of the heat, no one wants hot drinks.” He nods slightly and finishes off his cookie, crumpling up the napkin as he lingers. It's not hard to see that he wants to keep talking to you and you almost feel bad for him, you finish logging off and nod in the direction of the trash can. “Bet you a free drink you can't get that into the trash from here.” You know you shouldn't be handing out drinks but he's too cute and it's the first thing that pops into your head. 

He visibly lights up, his eyes get wider and his back straightens “Alright.” He looks back at the trash can by the door, taking his attention off of you. You can't help but admire him while he lines up his shot, he's got a cute side profile, he's pretty tall, and his hair looks nice and soft. He raises the napkin over his head and tosses it in, you tear your eyes away from the muscle in his arms to see the balled-up napkin bounce off the window and into the trash. He looks back at you with a shit-eating grin on his face, you shrug and smile back while turning to grab a cup. “I was on the basketball team in high school.” He says sounding more confident than he had earlier, you snort as he reveals this crucial information after he wins your little game. 

“Guess I set myself up then, huh?” You get a cup and turn back to him, “Whatchu want?” He looks proud of himself, his shoulders relaxed and held back confidently. You can't help but think he looks handsome when he’s confident like this, the worry lines on his face disappear, his brows unfurrow, and he actually looks his age. “What if…” He trails off, his demeanor turning anxious again. He swallows hard, his adam’s apple bobbing with the effort, “uh- w- what if… I got your number, instead of a drink?” A smile forces its way onto your face, he looks so nervous he might give himself an aneurysm. You huff playfully, unable to resist, this has to be the highlight of your week. 

You turn away from him to brew an iced coffee, It might be a little mean for you to draw this out, to make him worry more. “You want milk and sugar?” But you’ve always struggled with self-control. There's a long pause, before- “Ye… um yes please.” His voice is small and there's a slight shake if you listen close enough. You feel a little bad for doing this but you continue, you never pussy out. You finish brewing his coffee and in a smooth, well-practiced motion, you slap a sticker on the side and mark it with your name and number, putting a little x underneath. 

You hand it to him and without giving him time to think or breathe you herd him out of the shop. “Gotta close, call me later.” You shut and lock the door as he stands in front of it bewildered, his brain takes a while to catch up and you see him look down at the coffee in his hand and start to turn around but you’re faster; turning off the open sign and closing the blinds with a speed that you should be using for more important things, like getting dressed when you’re late to class, or finishing an essay that's about to be overdue, not being mysterious to the cute guy who still hasn't given you his name.

☁︎⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆

A/N: it's getting easier and easier to write already, it didn't take half as long as yesterday's did to get 1,000 words. It feels so much good to actually feel happy writing. I can't help but feel worried it's not going to last forever with my fluctuating mental health but I've been looking up a few books to help improve my writing, grammar, flow, and punctuation and I've been seeing a lot of these writers saying that it's okay for you to be worried about that and to just push through.

[hyunjinspark]

star lost with you | hyunjin au | part 14

synopsis: working in a quaint little art store, you’ve had the honor of meeting all kinds of people, but you’ve never met somebody like him.

there were many reasons hyunjin returned to his hometown; a getaway from the ephemeral and fast-paced life of the city, so he could fall in love with life again. he thought he was prepared for everything, to study art in the way that he’s always wanted to, but what he didn’t anticipate was meeting you. hwang hyunjin realises that sometimes, the best things in life happen unplanned. 

pairing: idol! hyunjin x artist! reader

genre: friends to lovers, so much angst, smut, fluff, set in the idolverse, mutual pining, unrequited love, forbidden romance, slowburn (!!!) soulmate au (kind of), star-crossed lovers

word count: 35K (🫠)

warnings: cursing, drinking, jealousy, mutual pining, sexual tension, intense making out, dirty talk, mature content, sub! hyunjin, references to fingering, mentions of the word cock, dom! hyunjin, handjob, grinding, dry humping, overthinking, references to anxiety and therapy, slight confrontation, opens with a flashback

a/n: thank you for being so patient with me, and this story! i worked a lot for this chapter, and its very pivotal to the rest of the story, in terms of hyun and yn. in fact almost 80% of this chapter is just them. i hope you love it. its very longg so please grab a blanket and snacks before sitting down to read it ;)

i recommend that you can listen to my star lost playlist here!

important: all works are fiction, and do not in any way represent the real personalities or real people, they exist only as faceclaims, and are fictional characters.

masterlist

summer of 2015.

“Do you know why those stars are called Cassiopeia?” 

The constellation was more visible than ever tonight — made up of five stars, it almost looked like a Queen sitting on her throne, in the sky.

It was a real question, because you had absolutely no idea why the constellations were named after Greek myths. You’d read about it, of course, within faded literature pages in middle school, but you’d never been interested in astronomy, so you hardly paid attention.

Staring up at it now, you wished you had.

“Hmm?” He asked, and you realised that he also hadn’t been paying attention, to you.

“Cassiopeia” You repeated, pointing your hand upwards, at the bright stars.

“I don’t speak French, babe”

“It’s Latin…” You told him, “What are you thinking of?”

The sand between your fingers was icky, but once you got used to it, it wasn’t all that bad. The waves rushing over you felt calm. The sea was warm this time of year, and the only thing you had looked forward to all summer was this moment, right here.

“I’m thinking…about how I’d do anything for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich right now” He replied, as if he’d been crafting his answer with perfection for ages, as if you hadn’t just asked him about the night sky, something completely unrelated. 

You turned your head, cheek pressing into the sand, “Really, Lix? We…just ate”

Felix sighed, still staring at the skies above, but making no effort to actually see anything, “I know, but…I’m still hungry”

It was tradition at this point, for you and Yongbok to run away to the beach, lie down in the sand, and talk about anything and everything in the world, or talk about nothing at all.

He was the one person in your life you didn’t mind silence with.

You rolled over to face him, as another wave washed over the two of you.

He squint at you, “What? Don’t look at me like that”

“Like what?” You laughed, elbows digging into the sand, “The carbonara Hana made was good, Lix. It was her first time making that too, don’t be so harsh on her”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was good, but I just don’t understand why we didn’t let Minho make dinner, as he does every time. You should stop being a kiss-ass to Hana”

“I am not a kiss-ass” You rolled your eyes.

He sighed, and sat up, making you sit up too, knees digging into the wet sand. You fixed the red strings of your bikini, tightening the knot at the sides.

He stopped you in the midst of that action, hand landing on your bare thigh, “Please? Just one sandwich?”

“Why can’t you make it yourself?” You frowned, looking up at him.

“Because…I don’t wanna get up” He hummed, lending his help to you. His fingers drifted upwards to your swimsuit and he tongued his cheek, “You don’t even know how to tie a knot properly. Let me”

You sat back, hands resting on your thighs as he took over. His fingers were cold, making you shiver, and Felix smiled at that.

“Did you even hear what I said?” You asked, annoyed.

He squinted, “About the French chick?”

You glanced back up at the sky, and the constellation that you had been talking of, “Greek. I was asking you if you know why the stars were named after her”

“Maybe she was really hot”

You rolled your eyes, “I’m sure she was”

He looked up at you, after tying the strings in a perfect knot, “Then they should name a star after you too, Y/N”

“Stop” You laughed, pushing his hand away, “You’re just saying that because you want me to get you food”

He smiled, shameless, “Yeah I am. Please?”

You glanced towards the cabin, a few hundred or so meters away. 

There were no lights on, since everybody else in the house had gone to sleep. Along the rest of the coast, other cabins dotted the beach, of all sizes and styles, lit up and occupied by families or groups of friends. It was a hot summer and nobody liked to stay in their stuffy city homes. 

But the coast was beautiful, and serene.

“Fine” You hummed, reaching over to pinch his cheek, “But you owe me, Lix”

His eyes were bright and you could never say no to him, so you gave in.

“I love you” He sang, as you walked over to the cabin, footsteps light in the sand. 

You took your time, relishing in the cool wind against your skin, occasionally turning back to smile at Yongbok. His eyes never left your figure until you reached the porch, making sure you got there safely, even though it was the safest place in the world.

Soon, this summer would end and you’d be back at school, missing this gritty sand and warm seawater. 

Yongbok’s shirt hung on the porch railing, next to your sweater and you slipped it on over your bikini, before stepping inside. The cabin tend to get cold, even on summer nights like this, so you hugged yourself to keep warm, as you walked through the foyer. 

Your friends were sleeping, and you had to be quiet. Treading carefully, the loud creak of the door still gave your presence away, wooden planks becoming wet with your footsteps.

You blindly fumbled in the dark, finding your way to the kitchen.

The television was on.

It was a little past three, and static noise buzzed through the little house, flashing colours lighting up the living room.

“Hello?” You asked, trying to see in the dark, “Minho?”

A blanket lay on the couch, but whoever had been watching TV had already left, since the remote lay buried in the pile of cushions. Frowning, you picked it up, turning it off.

“Just because Yongbok’s uncle pays for this doesn’t mean we can leave shit on…” You sighed, in the empty room, hoping Minho would hear you. The cabin was small, so even if he was upstairs, he’d be able to hear you. 

Now that the television was off, the entire room was engulfed in darkness again, and perhaps it would have been smarter to just leave it on so you could navigate. 

You weren’t scared of the dark, but you were easily startled. Moonlight filtered in through the windows, and peeking out, you could see Yongbok’s shape against the dark horizon.

In the blue light of your phone screen, you spotted your headphones on the coffee table. You plugged them in, switching to a playlist Yeonjun made as you slipped the headset over your wet hair.

It was silly, that you’d be making sandwiches for him at this time of the day, but you’d do just about anything in the world for Yongbok.

Humming along to your music, you stepped into the pantry, searching for the bread. For some reason, Minho had brought back four different kinds of bread from the local bakery earlier today, and you peered at the labels, wanting to pick one which wasn’t multigrain, since Yongbok hated that.

Whispers interrupted your search, and you stilled in your movements.

“Yongbok?” You turned around, but you couldn’t see anything or anyone in the dark.

It was probably your music that made you hear things, and you turned back to the shelf. 

“There you are” You smiled, spotting the Whole Wheat Bread.

You stepped into the kitchen, packet clasped tightly within your hands and that’s when you saw them.

You stilled in your movements.

The bread unceremoniously dropped from your hands, landing on the musty floor with a thump.

What the fuck?

Across the kitchen island, sat on the two bar stools, your best friend, Song Hana was kissing your other friend, Yeonjun.

No. They weren’t even just kissing. Hana was halfway in Yeonjun’s lap, and his tongue was so far down her throat that this obviously wasn’t the first time it happened. 

Your reaction of surprise wasn’t loud, but it might as well have been like dynamite inside the quiet house because it made them jump apart from each other, turning to face you.

His eyes were wide, as she noticed you in the doorway, “Oh my god. Y/N. Hey”

Hey?

So simple. Hey, I wasn’t just making out with our best friend.

You wish you could have just walked away without drawing attention to yourself, but now they were both staring at you.

You cleared your throat, thankful the dark concealed your shock, wondering what you could possibly say to diffuse the awkwardness, “Uh, I didn’t know anyone was awake in the house” 

“Yeah” Hana laughed, fumbling over her words, “I couldn’t sleep so…I came to get some dumplings”

Your gaze drifted to Yeonjun, and a faint pink coated his cheeks, but he wasn’t even looking at you. 

“Right... Jun?” You asked, making him finally glance up. Even in the darkness of the kitchen, you could prominently see the shape of his Adam’s Apple, as he swallowed, “Yeah, Y/N? Were you at the beach?”

You obviously saw them kiss, but they were hiding it, and there was nothing more to say.

“I…um, I just came to get some jelly, for Felix” You told them, “But…I’ll leave you two to it. Enjoy the...dumplings”

You immediately turned around, because you had to process this - whatever the hell you just saw, because your best friends were hooking up, and this was how you found out?

Hana had never expressed a romantic interest in him before this, what changed? Your friendship was too special, far too precious, to ruin with an impulsive mistake or decision like that.

You would ask her about it later, not tonight. 

You had to get back to the beach, to Felix. 

To something familiar, and comforting, and known and—

—A hand immediately grabbed your arm, stopping you in the corridor, in the midst of your thoughts.

You shouldn’t be surprised that it was him coming after you, instead of her.

Yeonjun was always the one wanting to fix everything, “Y/N, please wait”

He was always the one who never wanted to hurt you.

“Yeah?” You turned around, hoping you sounded as nonchalant as you wanted to, “You can keep the bread. I…I’ll just tell Yongbok we don’t have any”

“You’re hurt” 

Your eyebrows shot up, at his statement, “Hurt by what? The sandwiches weren’t even for me, I’m fine”

“You know that’s not what I’m talking about”

A laugh escaped you, “Then what?”

Yeonjun closed his eyes, “I wasn’t hiding it from you…I was going to tell you”

“It’s okay, I can pretend I didn’t see anything” You shot him a smile, trying to leave but he pulled you back. You stumbled towards him in the dark corridor, wondering where Hana was, if she was listening to this, and what she must be thinking.

“Jun…” You laughed, another forced chuckle.

A flash of regret painted his eyes, “I promise, I was going to tell you”

It was cold, and you were confused, but Yeonjun’s grip was warm, and understanding.

He didn’t need to explain himself.

You were…just surprised, a whirlwind of thoughts running through your head of everything that could possibly go wrong after tonight, and wondering if you really knew your friends as well as you thought you did. They’d been hooking up all this time, and you never noticed, and you never picked up on any hints?

You were more disappointed in yourself than anything.

He continued speaking, “I was going to tell you in the morning, I didn’t know you’re still awake, Y/N”

“I just didn’t expect that. Does anybody else know about you?”

He shook his head, “There isn’t an us”

You swallowed, “I mean, it’s fine if there is. It’s just…kind of something I have to get used to. How long have you been-”

Yeonjun grimaced, “No, you don’t understand. That was the first time it ever happened, Y/N”

Your voice fell, “What?”

“You just …walked in on our first kiss” He explained, “We haven’t ever done that before. That’s what I was trying to tell you. It just happened”

“But…” You squeezed your eyes shut, “What? I don’t understand. Are you…two tipsy or something?”

Yeonjun laughed, “I wish, but no. We’re...completely sober. Sorry you had to see that”

Your voice softened, tension falling from your shoulders, “You don’t have to apologise. I just didn’t expect...”

He nodded, a chuckle escaping him, “Yeah. You know that I’ve liked her for years”

You crossed your arms, hugging yourself, “Yeah…I just, I had no idea she liked you back”

He laughed, “I didn’t either, but she said that she always wanted to kiss me too”

“That’s good” You told him.

He lowered his voice, “Y/N. There’s something else. She said she’s in love with me”

Your eyes shot open, “What? In…love with you?”

He nodded, a smile on his lips, “I know. It was hard for me to believe too. The girl of my...fucking dreams just said that to me, like it took no effort. I didn’t think that stuff happened in real life”

This changed everything.

Yeonjun was only sixteen, and he’d found the love of his life, and you were so happy for him.

Your eyes lit up, “Did she kiss you first?”

He nodded, his lips still had traces of Hana’s lipgloss on it, “Yeah. She did”

“Fuck, that’s...really cool” You stared at the floor, trying to process it, “I was just taken aback, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to freak out or anything”

He shook his head, “No, I completely understand” 

Just then, Hana stepped out from the kitchen, footsteps timid, hands hugging herself as she saw you, “Hey”

“Hey”

The only light in the corridor was from the moon, and it illuminated their silhouettes beautifully.

They hadn’t even got together yet but you could imagine them being perfect together.

“I’m sorry you had to find out like that” She bit her lip, “We were going to talk to you tomorrow. I’d never keep something like that from you”

Yeonjun glanced at her, eyes crinkling, “I told her”

She looked up at him, mouth parted, “You did?”

The way they were looking at each other made it obvious. This wasn’t just a temporary, impulsive crush. Was it so easy to find the love of your life?

“I’m…gonna go up to bed though” She squeaked, and Yeonjun nodded.

She turned to you, “Is it okay if we switch places? I wanted to stay with him tonight. You could…stay with Minho, or Felix?”

“You’re kicking me out of our room?” You joked.

Hana immediately seemed guilty, “Sorry. I can move your things for you”

“It’s okay” You nodded, even though you had far too many things and art supplies for Hana to even attempt to move, and you could never fall asleep in Felix’s bed, but they were in love and that was the craziest thing in the world, so those technicalities didn’t matter right now, and you’d make do.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to move my stuff just for tonight. I can share Lix’s comforter” You smiled at her.

Hana walked away, and you were left alone with Yeonjun.

His gaze trailed to the kitchen, “Did you want something…from in there?”

You remembered the reason you’d been here in the first place, “Felix…he wanted-”

“Peanut butter and jelly?” He finished your sentence, “It’s almost four in the morning”

“Yeah, you know how he is” You laughed.

He sighed, shoulders sinking, as realisation sank in, “Sorry”

For what?

He had nothing to be sorry for.

Guilt overcome you, because you’d walked in on his first kiss, essentially ruining it and now he was saying sorry to you.

You frowned, reaching to grab his hand, “For what? I’m really happy for you, Yeonjun. I’m sorry I ruined your first kiss”

“Y/N-”

“I should be the one apologising. I know I was surprised at first, but you know that you deserve the best? I…know how long you’ve liked her, and I’m really glad she feels the same way. Why are you apologising for that?”

Yeonjun was looking at you in amusement, and he reached ahead to tuck a wet strand of your hair back, “You’re really special, you know that right?”

“What?” You frowned, “Why?”

“I was apologising to you just because…me and Hana finished all the jelly”

»»————-

“The jelly is gone”

Felix turned to you, quirking an eyebrow, “What does that even mean?”

You settled back into the sand, still in your sweater, curling your legs up, “It means…the jam is over. They finished it” 

“Who?” His voice raised, in pointed annoyance, and surprise.

“Yeonjun, and Hana”

Felix sighed, leaning back on his palms, “Why were they eating jelly at three am?”

“I walked in on them kissing” You blurted.

“What?”

“I just…I saw them, inside, kissing”

“Wait, what?” He shifted on his knees, towards you, “Who? Hana and him?”

You glanced at him, “Yeah, who else?”

A variety of emotions passed Felix’s face, and perhaps you weren’t the only one having trouble processing this. They would be perfect for each other, but what if they were not?

You buried your hands in your sleeves, watching the moonlight bounce off the high tide.

There was silence between you, the only sound of the ocean waves breaking at the surface. 

You had been excited for them, but now that you truly thought about it...a worry festered within you.

“I didn’t know Hana liked him back” He spoke.

“They’re probably gonna date, right?”

“I don’t know” He shrugged, “They might”

You traced a heart in the sand, “I’m happy for them”

He tilt his head, “Yeah, sure, you sound real happy, Y/N”

You squeezed your eyes shut, feeling crazy for even thinking all of this but you could tell Yongbok anything so you did, “I am. I’m just worried”

“About?”

You felt like a child, but you had a tendency to imagine the worst case scenarios, “What if they stop hanging out with us?”

Felix’s eyes softened, “Babe…”

Your voice shot up, “Don’t look at me like that. I’ve seen it happen. What if they break up? Everything’s going to go to shit then. It’s a bad idea to date within your friend group, isn’t it? This could be the downfall of everything”

Felix sighed, shifting closer to you, “Nothing is going to happen”

“You don’t know that” Your voice now broke, and you felt stupid for worrying when you should be happy for them, “I don’t want to lose them…or you. You guys…are the best thing in my life”

“Babe, they haven’t even started dating yet” He chuckled, hand reaching to your chin, “Calm down”

You erased the heart you’d drawn, “Yeah. You probably think I sound dumb as fuck”

“I’d never think that about you” He smiled, “Your concerns are very valid…but I don’t want you to be upset about something that may never even happen”

You sighed, and maybe spending so much time around Felix had made you as dramatic as him, “But what if we have to choose? I don’t want any of them to get hurt”

“Why would we ever have to choose?”

“I don’t know. Like…pick a side between them, if they fight. You know that I can’t choose, I love Yeonjun as much as I love Hana-”

Felix laughed, “God. I love you” 

“Don’t laugh at me” You frowned.

“I’m not laughing at you, babe” He smiled, “I just think you’re…making yourself upset for no reason. You love doing that”

You looked up at him, “Lix…”

His voice softened, against the harsh ocean waves, “Nothing is going to happen. Even if it does, you’re not gonna lose us. I’m always going to be here, you know that, right?”

You grabbed his hand, pulling him closer, “What about…when you get a girlfriend?”

Felix laughed, “I doubt that’s going to happen soon, but if I ever have to choose between my girlfriend and you…I’m picking you. It’s not even a question”

A smile made its way onto your face, “Thank you. I would do the same”

The edge of his lip turned up into a grin, “I know you would”

Staring at Felix now, you felt the calm return.

The ocean was beautiful again, the sky was vast, the stars endless, and you felt at ease.

Things would perhaps forever change tonight, your best friends were in love with each other, but maybe everything else would still be the same.

“It’s a good thing, right Lix?” You asked, squeezing his hands so that your nails dug into his soft palms.

He tilt his head, “What is?”

“Love. Them…being in love? It’s a good thing” Your words were low, because you didn’t even really know what you were asking.

“Of course it’s a good thing, but it’s not just about their love. It’s about ours too”

You were confused, “Ours?”

His eyes swirled with intensity, and he swallowed, “Ours, like all of us. You, me…Minho, and them”

“Right”

“What constellation were you telling me about earlier?”

“Cassiopeia?” You questioned.

“Hmm. That” He crawled over to you, “Which one is it?”

You pointed him in the right direction, just over the horizon, where it was visible, “The five stars, it kind of looks like a W”

“Right, and she was some hot Greek chick, right?”

You laughed, “Yeah. She was”

He wrapped an arm around you, pulling you close, “Well, she...died like billions of years ago, but she’s still here in the stars, isn’t she?”

“What are you trying to say?”

Felix turned to smile at you, “We’re just like her. The five of us. Five stars. That can’t be a coincidence, can it? We’re not going anywhere, okay?”

Your eyes widened at the sweet metaphor. Yongbok wasn’t one for romance, or anything of the sort, but you knew he meant his words.

He believed them.

And if he did, so would you.

“The five stars” You smiled, feeling your calm return, “Immortal”

He laughed, “Yeah. So don’t worry about us. You need to have more faith in us, Y/N. Things don’t just fall apart so easily, they won’t” 

“I know” You laughed, “I guess it’s kind of crazy. They found love so simply”

“You jealous?” He nudged you.

You rolled your eyes, “I wouldn’t even know what to do with love once I found it. All I need right now…is a job this summer, something to do, so I don’t sit at home and waste my youth”

He laughed, “Right, there’s the Y/N I know, only in love with the craft. I’m sure there’ll be a place in town you can work at this summer. Maybe a café , so you can get me free pastries every day”

“Oh. I almost forgot. Are you still hungry?”

“Starving” 

“I got you the sandwiches” You reached behind you for the Tupperware container you’d brought out of the beach house.

His eyebrows knitted together, as he stared at the box, “I thought you said the jelly was gone”

You lift the plastic lid, “It was but I crushed up some fruits, and I read online that if you add honey, it tastes just like jam…that’s why it kind of took me longer in there”

Felix doubled over, laughing loudly, “Oh my god. You did that for me at four fucking am?”

“It may not taste the best, but you better enjoy it” You mumbled, shoving the container into his arms.

“I know I will” He smiled, “And don’t worry about them, okay? No matter what happens, you always have me”

“Thank you, Lix. I know"

»»————-

summer now.

It had been years since you’d made each other that promise. 

Tonight, it felt futile, as you stared at the myriad of overwhelming text messages he had sent you. You had texted him back, telling him that you weren’t home, but he hadn’t replied since then.

“More beer?” 

You looked up, to see Yeonjun stood with another bottle in his hand, a cranberry extract he’d brought straight from his freezer. 

You hated beer, but you needed it tonight, so you grabbed it from him. It surprisingly didn’t taste horrible, so you savoured the fruity flavour in your mouth.

“What did you say to him?” He asked, sitting down next to you. 

“I told Felix I’m not home…” You spoke, “I asked him if we could talk tomorrow instead? I hope he understands”

“I mean, to Hyunjin” Yeonjun cleared his throat, “You were about to go over to his place, right?”

You glanced up at him, chest wrenching.

Sinking into the cushion, you stared at your phone, “I told him I can’t come either. He…didn’t question it. He probably was expecting me to cancel anyway”

Yeonjun needed you right now, and you couldn’t just abandon him— no matter how much you wanted Hyunjin, no matter how fucking horny you felt after that phone call. 

Your legs still felt weak, your heart was still pounding impossibly hard, and your underwear was soaked, but that wasn’t important right now. 

Your needs could be saved for another day.

He would understand. Hyunjin would still be here tomorrow, and the day after that, and you could meet him then.

“You really don’t need to stay with me” He spoke, “I feel like an asshole keeping you here”

“Yeonjun. You were crying, at three in the morning. I’m not leaving you alone”

He sighed, taking another sip of the cranberry beer, “Did you tell him why…? I don’t want Hyunjin to hate me”

“And why would Hyunjin ever hate you?” You turned to him, confused. Yeonjun hadn’t done anything wrong.

His eyes were still glossy, fresh tears dried on his face, and you hated the sight of it. He wasn’t an easy crier. In fact, in all your life that you’d known him…you could count the number of times you’d seen him so upset on one hand.

He licked his lips, swallowing, “Because I always keep coming between the two of you”

“Shut up” You scoffed, shoving his shoulder, “You know that’s not true”

He was still serious, despite the fact that you didn’t blame him at all, “Isn’t it? You were literally on your way to see him”

“I can see him tomorrow” You shrugged, trying to maintain a semblance of indifference and nonchalance, convincing yourself that it wasn’t that important. After all, it would be stupid to acknowledge how truly dependent you’d become on Hyunjin for your happiness. 

It wasn’t right, and even though seeing him right now felt urgent to your heart, to your body, you would still live another day and the world wouldn’t end if you didn’t meet him right this moment.

“I guess I don’t need to ask why you were on your way to him at three in the morning” He added, a teasing evident in his tone. You looked over to him, the emerging smile on his face and if teasing you was going to make him feel better, then you’d indulge him in it.

You laughed, embarrassed at how you’d been feeling like a fucking horny teenager, “You know Jun…any other day you would be very wrong, but tonight, I have to say it is exactly what you think”

“I thought you two weren’t going to be anything” Yeonjun hummed, stating the obvious fact that you were carefully trying to circumvent.

“We aren’t. It doesn’t have to mean anything” You tongued your cheek, still trying to wrap your head around what just happened. 

It started out as just a simple phone call. 

How did it escalate to that? 

“Right. I’m sure having sex with Hyunjin won’t mean anything to you at all” Yeonjun rolled his eyes, “Sounds just like you”

You looked over at him, “Just because you’re sad doesn’t mean you can call me out like that”

He laughed, leaning closer, “I’m just saying. He’ll probably be a million times better than the boys you’ve been with. Are you even prepared for that?”

You narrowed your eyes at him, heart jumping at his implication, “You’re supposed to be talking me out of this, not give me more reasons to want to jump him” 

Yeonjun laughed louder, “Man. You should enjoy this feeling, while it’s at its peak”

“What feeling?”

“That feeling, you know…” He trailed off, trying to find the right words, “When you’re falling for someone…and you’re fucking crazy about them, about every little thing they do? I remember, in the beginning, I used to have heart palpitations every time I saw Hana braid her goddamn hair, or something because she looked so adorable”

“What?” You let out a giggle, “I didn’t know you care about stuff like that”

Yeonjun smiled, “I was into everything that was about her, or even remotely related to her. I guess I was obsessed, but I don’t think anything in the universe can top that feeling”

You nodded, and you wondered if you’d ever stop feeling that way about Hyunjin. 

It had been months you’d known him, years since you’d first seen him, and your heart still went berserk at the mere thought, “Sometimes when I’m talking to him, it…feels like I have tunnel vision. I can’t see or comprehend anything except him”

“I know what you mean” He smiled.

You swallowed, remembering the reason for Yeonjun’s tears, “I’m sorry…about you and Hana”

“Yeah. I’m sorry too”

You reached over, to grab his hand, “And I’m sorry your heart is broken, and I wish I can take that pain away”

Yeonjun’s smile was sad, in return, “Me too…”

The couch cushions were frayed at the edges, because he hadn’t lived here in a while, and you fiddled with the corners to distract yourself from everything, from his broken heart, from your pining one.

“Did he say anything? Hyunjin?”

You peeked into your phone, to read the new texts, “He said, I got a call from Chan too. I hope Yeonjun feels better”

“Oh”

“Yup” Your fingers wrapped around the ice-cold beer again, and you took a swig, hoping the liquid would be enough to calm the fire in your heart. 

“It’s from the 7/11 behind Aera’s” Yeonjun explained, as if he’d read your mind, “You like it?”

“I do” You swallowed, refreshing your phone to see if Felix had said anything yet.

Yeonjun was silent, and he sat like that for a minute, staring into the dark corners of his living room, until he spoke, “Earlier today, I was thinking of the summer me and Hana got together”

“I was thinking about that summer too” You mumbled, “Can you believe it was almost…six years ago?”

“Six years?” He laughed, “That’s insane”

“It is. It feels like yesterday”

“I told her I loved her that summer for the first time… and six fucking years later, it’s not enough. You’d think the person you love for six years, you’d stay with them forever”

“I know...” You realised.

“What did he say…when you told him you can’t come? Felix?”

Perhaps, on another day, you would find it funny that Yeonjun had to keep clarifying which boy he was referring to, as if you had a carousel of boys in your life to keep you busy.

You sucked in a breath, “He didn’t say anything. I just...don’t understand what happened between us. One day we were fine, the next he hated my guts. I can’t even remember the last time I talked to him, my own best friend”

“The only thing between you and Felix…is Felix himself. It’s not your fault”

You laughed, realising the situation, “I’m sorry, this is so…typical of me. I’m supposed to be comforting you, not the other way around”

“That goes both ways” He hummed, and you looked over at him. 

He looked exhausted, sat with his legs curled, dressed in silly panda pajamas. It remind you of high school, when you used to study together; you would help him with literature so he could help you survive math. 

You used to sit right on this very couch, frustrated with the books, wishing everything in life was as easy as painting.

Even though as of late, you’d contemplated why everything seemed to be against you, you realised how blessed you were to know him.

He looked so different from the boy you’d grown up with, yet still somehow the same. 

Yeonjun was only twenty-two, but he’d just lost the love of his life, and you could see that in his gaze.

It resembled yours, the night you lost the apprenticeship.

Maybe that was an insensitive comparison. After all, a lover couldn’t ever compare to a temporary two-year art mentorship, could it?

Yet, your craft was the one thing in your life that you know you’d have, even after he left. That would still be the same.

Yeonjun had the hint of a smile on his face as he watched you finish the beer, and he was so handsome when he smiled, but…the crinkles in his eyes were strained, forced. 

He was only smiling so you wouldn’t worry about him. 

“Why do you we put ourselves through this?” You blurted, the effects of the beer settling in.

He tilt his head, “Through what? Feelings?”

You chuckled, staring at him and the spots that dotted his cheek, “Yeah. Feelings”

“At least we have each other” He laughed, “I’m really glad you exist, Y/N”

You wanted to stop moping, and to just appreciate what you had. 

You shifted closer to him, so that your bodies would touch, and you wouldn’t both be alone right now, “I’m glad you exist too, Jun”

He immediately wrapped his arm around you, pulling you into him.

It was always better to be alone together.

The television was right in front of you, and the shelves framing it were stocked with old VCRs, and tapes and movies.

“Remember when there were five of us on this couch…and there was absolutely no space for anyone, but we would watch Say Anything over and over again?” You laughed, thinking back to all the sleepovers. 

You’d spent so much of your childhood here, in this room as Yeonjun’s mum baked you treats. Tonight seemed to be a night of remembering, and of nostalgia, and your mind felt clearer than it had in hours. 

Maybe it was Yeonjun’s arm around you, maybe it was the memory of Hyunjin’s voice in your head, or maybe it was the fact that Felix had finally reached out to talk.

You wonder what he had to say, but regardless, that was a problem the you-from-tomorrow would worry about.

You-of-tonight would just let this night be, and not try to make of it more than it was.

“Do you wanna watch it?”

You glanced at him, “Just the two of us?”

He nodded, “Yeah”

It was well past three am, and starting a movie right now would mean that you both wouldn’t get any sleep, but that was okay, and some sleepless nights were worth it. 

You had work in the morning, but Yeonjun wasn’t here for long so you had to make the most of those moments. This might be exactly what he needed, to feel better. 

“All right” You agreed, “Let’s watch it”

He got off the couch, stretching his lanky panda-pajama legs out. He wandered over to his cabinet, filtering through the box of CDs. You hadn’t used those in forever, far too used to the Netflix you shared with Yongbok, but perhaps bringing everything back to as it was, is what would make everything better.

“What do you think he wanted to talk to me about?” You wondered out loud, tracing the rim of your new beer bottle.

Yeonjun was sat on his knees as he searched for the movie, “Honestly?”

“Yeah”

He stared off into space, hands paused in his work, “Felix…would do anything for you, so I wouldn’t be surprised if he was trying to apologise now”

You nodded, taking another sip of the cheap cranberry-extract beverage.

“I made a promise to him, when we were fifteen… that I wouldn’t let anything come in between us. Do you think he blames me for what’s happening to us?”

Yeonjun glanced at you, soft gaze, before turning back to the wooden box, “He could never blame you for anything, Y/N”

You sighed, “Yeah”

“Do you need help?” You realised, as Yeonjun frowned.

“Could you check the other box?” 

You nodded, joining him on the wool carpet, rummaging through the box his sister had labelled.

“I swear, Yuqi needs to have a better organisation system in place” He mumbled.

“I miss her” You laughed, “How is everything with her?”

“She’s actually visiting soon, especially when I told her I was back in Daejon for a while” He smiled, “She’s almost done with her studies”

“That’s crazy” You laughed, “Is she gonna work in Busan too or will she move back here?”

Yeonjun hummed, “You can ask her all of that when she comes. I really do not want to discuss my sister right now”

You laughed, flitting through the various discs.

“Found it!” You declared, bringing out the DVD and handing it to him, “Will it still work?”

“I have faith it will” He got up on his knees, inserting it into the player, “Does Felix know you’re at my place?”

You shook your head, “He would freak”

He seemed to be pondering over it, “You could…call him here”

You blanked, “What? You…two haven’t talked in months. I don’t think he’d come here, even if I called him”

“Say Anything was his favourite film. Tell him we’re watching that”

You laughed, because the idea was so ridiculous, “You think Felix would put aside all of his animosity towards you…because we’re watching his favourite movie?”

Yeonjun nodded, “It sounds exactly like him”

You chuckled, “Yeah… you’re right”

You sent him a text.

im watching say anything…

If you wanna come?

felix:

i thought you said you’re not home 

you:

im not

im with yeonjun 

we’re gonna watch it together

felix:

you’re at yeonjun’s house??

you:

yeah 

we can talk about whatever it is you wanted to discuss here

felix:

sorry yn

im gonna pass

you:

seriously?

im trying here lix

felix:

trying what exactly?

you:

i thought we agreed not to let anything get in between us

or do you not remember that summer?

felix:

out of the two of us, i don’t think im the one that doesn’t remember that summer

ill see you later yn

you:

sometimes youre being impossible and i don’t know what you want

felix:

maybe it’s better you don’t

“Any luck?” Yeonjun asked, and you glanced up at him, disappointed.

“Nope”

He let out a sigh, taking a seat back onto the couch, and you joined him. The disc player made a lot of noise as it started up, and you feared it may not work from years of no use, but the screen lit up. 

Perhaps the reason you liked this movie was because it was so simple.

It was about an impossible love, made possible, against all odds.

You settled into Yeonjun’s shoulder as it started.

It didn't feel the same without them. There were silly parts that Felix would always laugh at, jokes that weren’t even funny, and Hana would always be pointing out the inaccuracies in the movie, to Minho’s joy.

It wasn’t the same.

Everything had changed.

Would things be different today, if you’d thought with your head instead of your heart?

Or would everything still be the same?

“Do you believe in fate?”

He glanced at you, new bottle of beer balanced in his lap, that he’d took from the icebox near his feet, “Hmm?”

It felt sad, just the two of you, drinking away, at what should be the peak of your lives.

“You know…the notion that there’s a path our lives are supposed to be on, and that every choice or decision we make just takes us there”

“I don’t know, Y/N. Doesn’t that mean we have no free will? That everything is already chosen for us?”

“I guess” You shrugged, reaching for the bottle between his thighs. He let you, and you brought it up to take another sip. 

“What? Do you think it’s fate we broke up?” He laughed, “Me and her?”

You shrugged, “No, I guess I’m just thinking if I made the right choices this summer”

“What do you mean?” He turned to you, seemingly having lost interest in watching the movie anymore.

You picked at the fabric of the couch, “I loved how things used to be. Still, I was fighting it for the longest time because I so badly wanted everything to change too. I wanted to move out. I wanted Felix to support that. I wanted Hana to not be heartbroken anymore. I wanted us all to…stay in touch, no matter what, but now I wonder if wanting all of that is futile. I can’t have all of it. Isn’t that too greedy of me?”

“Y/N…” Yeonjun spoke, “It’s okay to hold on to the things we love, even if you want your life to change. You shouldn’t feel guilty for wishing that”

You bit your lip, “Because now I really wish Lix were here…I made a promise to him that I’d never let anything come in between us”

“You were fifteen. I made a lot of promises to Hana too, which obviously aren’t true anymore… but that doesn’t mean I was lying when I made them. People change, and priorities change. It’s not set in stone”

You nodded, “I guess promises when made, are just hope that even if everything in the world changes, you’ll still hold on to that person”

“Yeah”

“Tonight at the pool, before the dinner party, Hyunjin said that he would finally tell me what was going on, with Jisung, with the media, and why he’s been so stressed the last couple of week. I wanted to ask him so many tim-”

Yeonjun turned to you, “Did you just say Jisung?”

“Yeah. Why?” 

“Um. Nothing. I just…heard about him…on the news”

You sat up at those words, turning to face him, “What did you hear?”

He sighed, “You really want me to tell you? It might be better if Hyunjin does. I don’t know the whole extent of things”

A wave of worry washed over you. Was the situation really so bad that Yeonjun, a person who didn’t even keep up with such news, had already heard about it?

You settled back down, because there was no point stressing over it now, “I’ll talk to him tomorrow, first thing. I hope Jisung is okay”

“How is his band anyway?”

“You haven’t heard their music yet?”

He shrugged, “On the radio, a couple of times” 

“What? They play his band on the radio?” 

Yeonjun glanced at you, smiling, “Yeah. Sometimes when I’m browsing the television, their videos also come up. Their sound is really fucking cool”

“That’s crazy” You realised, “I think I’d lose it if I heard Hyunjin’s voice on the radio. I’d...probably think it was fate or something”

“I have no doubt that you would” He laughed.

“I haven’t heard all their albums” You admitted, “Does that make a bad friend?”

“Depends” He shrugged, “Why haven’t you heard it?”

You fiddled with the blanket in your lap, “If I hear all their music, and his voice when he sings…I might fall even crazier in love, and that’s just…avoidable”

Yeonjun smiled, eyes crinkling, “Why…why don’t you tell him, Y/N?”

“Tell him what? That I haven’t heard all of his music? He’d hate me-”

“That you’re in love with him” 

“Why would I do that?”

“Because if he knows you love him, it might change everything”

You swallowed, “It won’t change the fact that he is who he is, and that his life is the way it is”

“No, but listen to me, Y/N. Love is a…it’s a huge fucking thing. It might change everything, if he knows what you feel for him, the true magnitude of it. He might reconsider his never-dating-anybody theory”

You stared at Yeonjun as he spoke, unable to even imagine or comprehend how Hyunjin could react to such knowledge.

To be told that someone was in love with you.

How would you react to something like that?

You’d never been in that position before, not romantically anyway, and maybe Yeonjun was right. It would change things. How could it not?

“I’ll…think about it”

“Sometimes, the things that can make the most difference in our lives, is the stuff that we don’t say”

“God. You’re like…a complete self-help book speaking at this point, you know that?”

Yeonjun rolled his eyes, poking you, “If someone told you they loved you, wouldn’t that change everything?”

“It’s hard to imagine. Maybe you’re right”

“When is he going back to the city?” Yeonjun asked, the one topic you’d been avoiding forever. 

Your heart stung at the reminder.

He was going to leave, eventually.

“Not till the end of summer, which is still a month away, so...I have time”

But he would leave.

“He’s going back in a month? Fuck, that’s...not much”

“Yeah” You nodded, “I’m trying not to think about that. It’s...too soon, it’s going to go away in the blink of an eye. I don’t really wanna think about how I'll feel the day he leaves”

“I understand”

“I’ve gotten so used to him, and being around him, it feels...natural, and after tonight- we’re only getting closer”

Yeonjun smiled, “Maybe one more month with you, and Hyunjin may just change his mind”

You rolled your eyes, “It’s impossible”

He sighed, wrapping his arm around you again, “Guess what? Last week, at work, one of the HR interns…she asked me out on a date”

“What?” You laughed, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“There was nothing to tell. She’s cute, well I don’t even know her, but I think I’m gonna take her out next week”

“You are?” You giggled, shifting closer.

He smiled, waving his hands about, “It’s time for me to finally branch out. To move on”

“I can’t believe all of this started from Hana wanting to move on, the beginning of this summer” You remembered.

Yeonjun glanced at you, “So then technically, you have me to thank for bringing Hyunjin into your life”

You laughed loudly, “God, yeah, I guess that is it. You’re responsible”

He grinned, pulling at your cheek, “I guess fate does exist”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. If me and Hana had to be over so that you could find the love of your life, I’d say it was pretty fucking worth it”

You rolled your eyes, “And why can’t the both of us…be happy? Is fate so cruel to deny you your one true love?”

Yeonjun turned to smile at you, a glint in his eye, “Well. Maybe… the cute intern from HR is the love of my life”

»»————-

The loudness of The Grove did nothing to ease your headache. It was just a little past six am, but the diner was in full swing, and customers filtered in and out of the joint, grabbing their usual breakfast waffles and chocolate milkshakes.

“Give me just two more minutes, Y/N!” Seonmi yelled, over the counter, as she sped through making the quickest caramel macchiato you’d ever seen.

“Of course” You responded, balancing your bag on the counter as she cycled through the customers. You’d hardly slept last night, not even having the energy to finish the film, and you and Yeonjun had fallen asleep on the living room couch as the credits rolled.

You had been woken up by your very loud alarm, and you’d apologised to him for it, somehow forgetting that today was a work day, and that you’d have to leave at dawn.

Glancing around the diner, you noticed some familiar faces from the Lakehouse party, people you remember seeing through your blur of tears. San and Seonghwa knew a lot of people, but you hadn’t expected to see them around town so soon.

One of the boys made eye contact with you, and you looked away, hoping none of them remembered the harsh fight you’d had with Hana.

They probably heard everything.

Not that you cared what they thought of you, you just wish you could go back to that night and erase the argument, for your own sake. 

“Okay, I can take your order now!” Seonmi squealed, stepping up to you, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

You tugged the earphones out of your ears, smiling at her, “Can you take a breather for me?”

Her eyes widened, in perplexed cuteness, “What do you mean?”

“You seem so stressed and the day hasn’t even started yet” You grabbed her hand over the counter, squeezing it, “Don’t forget to breathe”

Her lips tugged up, “Thank you, Y/N. You know how it gets sometimes, there’s a rush this morning and I don’t even know why”

“Well, I don’t know how it gets since I don’t work in the most popular diner in town” You teased her, as she smiled, “Something tells me a lot of people come here for the cute waitress”

She let out a giggle, “Thank you. What can I get you, though?”

“The regular would do” You told her, playing with the little tabletop jukebox, “Whipped cream too, please”

“Of course” She smiled, getting back into the meld of things, and you took a temporary seat at the barstool, as she made your drink.

“Those people…do you know them?” You asked her, glancing over at the group.

She looked up momentarily, “The ones from San’s party?”

“Mmh” 

“They’re older than me, so I don’t really hang with them much. I think most of them are only here for the summer”

“Really?”

Seonmi nodded, as she piped whipped cream onto your hot latte, “Jiho’s from Seoul, and Alexander, he’s visiting from up in Incheon”

It seemed like everyone your age who was born here, had since moved out of Daejon, in pursuit of happiness, and better things.

“Ah, I see” You bit your lip, even though you didn’t know who Jiho was or who Alexander was.

“Why do you ask?”

“They were looking at me earlier, and I think I saw them playing beer pong at the Lakehouse. Just wondering” You shrugged, as Seonmi reached over, handing you your cup.

“Ah, probably because of Hyunjin” She giggled.

“What do you mean?” You tilt your head, a soft smile fighting you just because hearing his name made your heart pound like crazy, even at six am on a work day.

“You know…” She glanced up at you, while wiping the counter clean, “You and him are always together…people are talking”

You sat up straight, “About… us?”

She nodded, “Don’t worry about it though, the people of Daejon always need something to talk about. They’ll move on soon”

Even though you hated town gossip and rumours, the idea that people associated you and Hyunjin with each other made your heart warm. You’d never thought something that bizarre could happen, but hearing his name with yours made it all the more real.

You smiled, flushing at just the thought of him, “Um…did he come by earlier this morning?”

Seonmi had moved on to her next order, hurriedly adding caramel to a drink, “Hyunjin? Nope”

You frowned, “He usually comes by though, right?”

She nodded, “Without fail, every morning…he’s here. Kind of gives me something to look forward to, if I’m being honest”

“Yeah?”

Seonmi paused in her work look at you, “Yeah. He’s always so…kind. It’s like within the flurry of customers, he’s the only patient one. Plus, he’s a sight for sore eyes on morning shifts”

You chuckled, “I didn’t know he’s here that often”

“Oh, he is. I guess Hyunjin can’t live without his coffee either” She shrugged, and then suddenly lit up as if remembering something, “Oh! The other day, you should’ve seen him, Y/N, he was so cute. He spent the entire day here, just reading this book he’s carrying around, and wow…everybody was asking about him, about the quiet, pretty boy in the corner”

Just hearing Seonmi describe him made your heart flutter, because you could picture it so perfectly in your head, even though a part of you was also envious that she got to see him like that, instead of you.

“When was that?”

“A couple of days ago” She scribbled an order for another customer, “I wanted to ask him what book he was reading, but I was really nervous”

You laughed, “Why were you nervous?”

“He’s…intimidating, and I didn’t wanna bother him. But you two are close, maybe you can ask him for me”

Close couldn’t even begin to describe it, but how else would you explain what you two had?

“Yeah, we’re…close”

“Kinda weird he isn’t here today” She added, “But you can always bring him coffee… Maybe he’s busy, or slept in late”

You hadn’t even thought of that, “I could?”

She laughed, “I mean you two are practically dating, aren’t you?”

The warmth faded, and you shook your head, “No of course not, we’re …friends”

Of all the things going on in his life, he couldn’t afford to get into a dating scandal right now, especially because of you.

“Right” She rolled her eyes, “You should still bring your hot friend a coffee”

“You think so?” The idea of bringing it to him made you giddy, because you could imagine his smile, and it would be such a great start to your day - making him happy.

“Of course. He gets the same order as yours anyway, I’ll just add another to your tab”

“Okay” You agreed, and pulled out your phone.

You hadn’t talked to him since last night.

Since…that phone call.

The memory made you red and hot all over, and you opened up his texts. You weren’t sure how to even start, but perhaps you wouldn’t overthink it.

It was obvious to him how you felt, especially after that conversation, and you would just be yourself now.

There was only a month. There was no time to shy away from what you truly wanted.

No more holding back, or second-guessing.

you:

good morning hyun

are you home ?

His reply was instant, meaning he was awake and okay, and you leaned on the counter, waiting for him to type out his answer.

hyun:

morning yn :)

yes i am 

where else would i be at six am ?

you:

idk haha

im at the diner

are you coming here ?

i was thinking i could, like meet you before work

hyun:

oh

im sorry 

i don’t think i can

you:

is everything all right?

hyun:

i think i might be sick :/

you:

what??

what’s wrong?

hyun:

haha its nothing…

just my head hurts like a bitch

ive been up all night

You frowned, heart clenching at the thought of him being in pain.

“Here’s your coffee, love” Seonmi interrupted, placing a to-go cup in front of you, “Well…Hyunjin’s coffee”

“Actually…could I get some peppermint tea instead?” You asked, and she stared at you like you were crazy.

“You’re asking for tea?”

“Hyun is feeling sick” You told her, and just the words felt bitter in your mouth. 

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know, he didn’t say much, just that his head hurts” You frowned.

“Oh” She pouted, “Of course. I’ll get you some right now, but it might get cold by the time you get it to him. Maybe the caffeine will help more?”

“You’re right” You stared at the coffee.

“Hey” She laughed, reaching forward to grab your hand, “Now you’re the one who looks stressed”

“I am… just worried about him”

“He’ll be fine. It’s only a headache” She hummed, returning to her chores, then teased, “Just friends, you say”

It was your turn to roll your eyes, “Friends can be worried, too”

“I know” She laughed, “It’s funny cause Eunbi keeps saying the same thing to me about her boy. Just friends”

“Who’s Eunbi dating?” You questioned, hoping some town gossip would distract you from Hyunjin being unwell.

Seonmi glanced up at you, lowering her voice so the other patrons wouldn’t hear, “Oh, they’re not dating. Just fucking”

“I didn’t know Eunbi is into that kind of situation” You noted, grabbing Hyunjin’s coffee in your hands.

“Yeah! I honestly didn’t think Felix would be either but like…they’re both hot, so I completely get it”

“What?” You looked up, stopping in your movement.

She flippantly glanced at you, “Yeah…her and Felix”

“Wait…what?”

She chuckled, “They’re fucking…I just told you. You didn’t know?”

“No…” You trailed off. 

Is that what Felix wanted to talk to you about?

She stared at you, realisation dawning on her face, “Oh. I thought everybody knew”

“I didn’t” You stated, perhaps too harshly.

“Fuck. You’re…not in love with him or anything, right?”

“What?”

She shrugged, “I mean…you two have been…you know…best friends since-”

You frowned, grabbing your bag off the counter, “No. I’m just taken aback…”

“You sure?” Seonmi frowned, eyebrows knitting together.

You stared at her, “Yeah. I’m sure”

“Well, I’m sure he was gonna tell you soon. Maybe he just forgot”

“Yeah. We’re not really talking right now” You mumbled.

She nodded, “Ah. Eunbi mentioned that. Your fights”

“She knows about that…?”

She shrugged, knowingly, “Yongbok told her”

You squeezed the coffee cup in your hands, a bitter taste in your mouth but you didn’t have time to dwell on this right now, Hyunjin needed you, “I…um, I better get this coffee to him before it gets cold”

»»————-

It had only been a few minutes since you knocked at his front door, the floral wreath hung on the front shaking every time you did so, but nobody had come to the door yet.

You should be patient and wait a bit more.

But your mind assumed the worst, like what if Hyunjin passed out…or fell so sick he couldn’t get out of bed? 

You had half a mind to bring out your phone to ask him where he was because he said he’d be home, but your hands were unfortunately occupied by the coffee. 

The revelation from the diner was still bothering you, but now, you had more important things to worry about.

“Hyun?” You called out loud, in the hope that maybe if he didn’t hear the knocking, he’d hear your voice.

In response though, you heard a bark, making you jump out of your skin.

Kkami.

He was nearby, and you stepped off Hyunjin’s porch, following the sound of his puppy’s excited mewling and barks.

“Kkami?” You asked, tentatively, peeking around the side of his house. 

You don’t know how you hadn’t noticed this before. 

A little metal gate, rusted, led to a back garden.

The path was surrounded on either side by overgrown vines and flowers. 

You hadn’t ever come here before. 

Well, technically you’d only been to Hyun’s house once and hadn’t seen anything except his bedroom. The memory made you warm, and you relived it in your head as you pushed open the rusted garden gate. 

The path ran along the side of Hyunjin’s house, and stepping over the pebbles, you passed the windows of his kitchen and living room.

You were trespassing, technically, but he would understand, right?

“Kkami…?” You called out again, emerging into the back garden, when the little ball of fluff ran head-on towards you, jumping at your body with enough force, catching you off guard. 

The surprise knocked you and the coffee to the ground, and the cup overturned, spilling all over your top.

“Ow” You mumbled, hitting the grass, as Kkami began licking your hand, and the coffee soaked all the way through your shirt. 

It was already cold by now, so it didn’t burn. Still, frustration coursed through you because you’d carefully sought this coffee for him, and now you wouldn’t even be able to give it to him.

“Oh my god” Hyunjin’s voice interrupted your short-lived misery, and you looked up, an impossible frown on your face. 

A frown that melted immediately, with the sight that you were greeted.

Hyunjin.

He sat cross-legged on the grass, across the garden, a soft white sweatshirt enveloping him.

A paper-thin novel was held between his hands, glasses pushed up to his hair, and you had half a mind to question just why Hyunjin was up at six am on a weekend, and reading a goddamn poetry book, but that wasn’t the craziest thing about him today.

His hair.

Wispy bangs fell into his eyes, the color of fucking chocolate.

What the fuck?

Your annoyance at Kkami was forgotten, and so was any semblance of a thought you had in your head. Talk about a fucking cliche.

“Y/N…” He immediately stood up, placing his book to the side, face-down on the grass, and you worried that the pages would get wet, but Hyunjin didn’t seem to care about that right now. 

He rushed to you, bending down to your height, “I’m sorry, Kkami. He…”

Carefully, he pried the puppy away from you, telling him to go sit in a hushed whisper, before he turned back to face you.

You felt silly, sat on the grass on your butt, with just your palms supporting you, coffee soaking through your work clothes, staring at him.

Had his eyes always been that pretty?

The light-brown hair brought out the hazel in his eyes, which seemed even brighter now, and every romance book you’d heard Hana talk about suddenly made all the sense in the world, as you felt yourself get sucked into the depth of his gaze.

“You okay?” He tilt his head, the movement making his bangs shift, and you noticed that the side strands were longer, framing his face perfectly.

His brows were darker now too, to match the hair, and just when you thought you couldn’t go absolutely insane about him anymore, he’d prove you wrong by doing something like this.

His lips, puffier than usual, curled up into a smile when he noticed you staring so blatantly.

“Yeah” You cleared your throat, “You…you said you were sick”

So he just forgot to tell you this morning that he’d completely changed his hair?

“I am” He chuckled, then his gaze fell to your top, “You’ve got coffee on you”

“Oh” You glanced down at it, and you didn’t feel anything, or maybe you were too enamored by the boy to feel any pain. 

He must be a fucking siren, or a creature of some sort to have this sort of effect on you, even after all this while. Everything you’d been worrying about seemed like a distant memory, a problem you didn’t have to deal with, and all he’d done was say five words to you.

“Are you hurt? I’m sorry about your coffee…Kkami is misbehaving a lot-”

“It’s actually your coffee” You stated, looking back up at him, finally finding your bearing on coherent words and sentences, “Well…was your coffee”

“Mine?” He smiled, “You brought that for me?”

You nodded and added, stupidly, “I…was at your front door, but you weren’t there, so I…came in through the metal gate”

“Yeah. I was here” He explained, even though it was obvious, “Are you sure you’re not hurt?”

You nodded, reassuring him, “I’m okay, but…if you’re sick, why are you out here?

“I needed some fresh air. My head…” He grimaced as another bout of pain hit him.

Without thinking, you reached forward, caressing his face, and Hyunjin was taken aback, just slightly.

Your voice was low, soft, “It hurts?”

His eyes fixed onto yours, as your fingers trailed down his jaw, “Yeah”

“I’m sorry” You spoke, “Where does it hurt?”

He grabbed your hand within his, long fingers wrapping around your wrist, and guided it to just above his eyes, brushing past his bangs, “Right here, but…don’t worry about me”

“Let me take care of you” You blurted, touching him delicately.

His eyes closed, and he smiled, relishing in the feeling, “I need to get you out of these clothes first”

“What?” 

His eyes shot open, realisation sinking in, “I mean…the coffee. You have to change”

“Oh, okay”

“Come on” He gestured, helping you stand up, with your unsteady feet. The cup of coffee lay upturned on the grass, along with your bag. Hyunjin held your hand in his own, and bent down to pick up your bag with his other. He slung it over his shoulder, tugging the strap tightly.

You looked around the back garden, and it was so beautiful that you had to do a double take just to take everything in.

“It’s amazing” You breathed, watching Kkami play in the grass, tossing and turning around. Your gaze fell to the book that lay open on the grass, and Seonmi’s words came to mind, “What were you reading?”

“I can tell you that later, when you’re warm and dry” He chuckled, then touched your lower back to guide you into the house, “Come”

You nodded, his touch sending a tingle down your spine, but let him lead you into his house. 

It was crazy, that just yesterday you were so bold, talking about the things you wanted him to do to you, and now…now you were going into overdrive just at his hand on your back.

You craned to look at him, “Are you in a lot of pain?”

He shook his head, “I’ll be fine”

There was another entrance at the back of the house, sliding doors opening up to reveal his living area, warm wooden floors and cosy seating. Kkami ran in just after the two of you, jumping around the futon.

“Do you want to wear something of mine?” Hyunjin asked, leading you to his bedroom. You’d been so lost in him that you’d forgotten what you were doing here. 

You had initially been on your way to work.

“I have…a hoodie in my bag. An extra one” You told him, “I brought it in case it gets cold”

He stopped at the threshold of his doorway, looking at you, “Well, that’s perfect then”

“Yeah” You nodded, “Can I change in your bathroom?”

“Of course” He smiled, and you stepped inside.

Being back here after all this time, was strange. 

His bed was exactly the same kind of messy, but covers and duvets now switched out for a sky-blue color, and his pillows were lined up against the wall. 

It made you want to lie down, since you were severely lacking sleep, but you had work, and this bed wouldn’t probably be big enough for the two of you.

The thought was ridiculous anyway, but it left you wondering.

Last night, you were on your way here in your lustful daze, and if Yeonjun hadn’t been heartbroken, you would have come here. 

The canvases leaning against the far wall were new; you could tell he’d been working on so much art in your absence. Paint canisters were haphazardly placed across the floor, and you carefully walked amongst them, hoping to not knock over any.

Pushing open the door to his bathroom, you placed your bag on the counter, searching through for your hoodie.

Hyunjin leaned on the doorway, watching you, peacefully. He must be in more pain than he let on, because he was hardly saying anything.

You glanced at him, eyebrow raised, “Are you… going to stay here while I change?”

He laughed, “No, I…I’m just…Never mind”

He turned around, giving you the privacy you needed. 

You peeled off your tank top, scrunching it up over the sink to squeeze the liquid out, and you both didn’t address the fact that you hadn’t closed the door, instead letting Hyunjin stand facing the other way.

If he turned, he would see you in just your bra, but you honestly didn’t even mind, or care.

Glancing at yourself in the mirror, you wiped the sticky coffee from your forearms.

“I’m sorry about Kkami” He spoke again, and you glanced at his back. It was cute, how he stood facing the other way, arms crossed, like a kid on a timeout. His hair grazed just past his shoulders, the chocolate brown contrasting perfectly with his sweatshirt.

“It’s all right” You smiled, running the shirt under water.

“Are you dressed?” He asked.

“Not yet” You told him, pushing your arms through your spare sweatshirt, “I’m… really upset”

“Why?” He asked, surprise in his tone.

“The hot drink…it was supposed to make you feel better” You frowned. “Now I don’t have anything to give you”

“That’s okay” He laughed, “I already feel better”

“Your head doesn’t hurt anymore?” You asked, looking over at him.

“No, it does hurt but some sleep will make me feel better” He laughed, “Are you dressed now?”

You glanced at him, a soft smile overtaking you, “No”

Hyunjin nodded, a small ‘Okay’ leaving his lips.

You laughed, pushing your sweatshirt down to cover up, “Why are you so impatient? But yeah, I am dressed now”

He immediately turned around at those words, and pulled you in for a hug, like he’d been counting down the seconds till you could be in his arms. You stumbled into his embrace, surprised at his urgency.

“Thank you for coming to see me, Y/N” He mumbled, face buried in your hair, and you brought your hands up, wrapping your arms around his waist.

“You don’t have to thank me” You smiled, dying but living for the warmth of his body.

He squeezed you in his embrace, “I do”

It was a simple hug. It felt so innocent, so tame, so mild compared to last night, yet the carnal desire you felt for him was just the same, if not more now.

How could Hyunjin be more desirable when he wasn’t even trying to be?

All he was doing was hugging you in his little bathroom, surrounded by potted plants, and fragrances, and candles, and they were all so him.

Pulling away, you looked up, noticing the puffiness of his eyes, “You look so tired”

“I had a stressful night…after you told me you couldn’t come” He explained, “I ended up calling Chan, and we talked up until five”

“Five am? So…you haven’t slept at all?” 

He nodded, a forced smile as he shrugged, “Guilty”

“Hyun…” You frowned, “You need to get some sleep, now”

He sighed, “Now? I’ll end up sleeping through the day if I do, and I…don’t want to waste any time”

“Waste?” You questioned, “It’s not waste. You’re…just sleeping”

“Yeah” He swallowed, “But…”

“But?” 

“But you won’t be here” He finished, “And I would much rather…spend time with you. I know you have work today, I was thinking I could come in to the shop. I promise I won’t distract you, I could sit and read. You won’t even know I’m there. Or I could paint”

You couldn’t help but smile, heart swelling at his eagerness, “If you’re there…I won’t be focusing on my work, Hyun”

He shook his head, as if he’d already prepared the answer, “Then I can sit in the back room. You won’t know I’m there”

You giggled, “Then what’s the point?”

He tilt his head, “The point is… that I’ll be close to you”

Your smile grew, and you tightened your grip on his waist, “You…changed your hair”

His eyes widened, “Yeah. I did. Took you long enough to notice”

“I noticed it the second I saw you. I just-”

“You didn’t say anything” He interrupted.

Your gaze followed the light-brown tendrils as they grazed his jaw, “I don’t even know what to say” 

“You hate it?” His smile fell.

You shook your head instantly, “No. It’s…It… reminds me of chocolate”

His lip tilted up, “Good enough to eat?”

You laughed, letting go of his waist, “I take the flirting as a sign that you’re feeling better”

“Mmh”

“You still need to get in bed”

“Are you gonna show me how much you like it in bed?” He asked, and you laughed.

“Shut up” You pushed him, lightly, “It’s unlike you to ask for validation”

“It’s unlike you to be so flippant to me” He pouted, walking back into his room. 

It was hot inside so he pulled off his sweatshirt, revealing the tight black t-shirt he wore inside. The neckline dipped low enough to reveal his collarbones, and it was different from the more oversized shirts he usually wore. He stretched his arms, a small yawn escaping.

“I…have to get to work” You realised, “I’m gonna make you some coffee first though, is that okay?”

He glanced at you, in surprise, “You don’t have to”

“Caffeine will help with the pain”

He shook his head, “I promise I’ll take a nap after you leave”

“Okay” You nodded, grabbing your bag, “I’ll…get going then”

You passed him to leave, but he reached out, tugging at your tote bag to stop you.

You looked at him, “What, Hyun?”

“Aera’s doesn’t open until another forty two minutes, and it’ll only take you eight to get there” He hummed matter-of-factly, with the convincing powers and puppy-eyed gaze of a kid who wanted to go to Disney.

“What’s gotten into you?” You laughed, but let him take your bag, indulging him in his little request. He was right, after all. 

You had to make the most of your time with him, even if it were stolen little moments like this.

You leaned against the bedroom door, eyeing him up, as he put your bag to the side, and he clearly didn’t plan on letting you leave anytime soon.

He bent down to gather the stray paintbrushes on the floor, “I just felt like spending some time with you. Is that so wrong?”

You smiled, looking around the room, “Why is all your shit everywhere?”

He glanced up at you, “I paint when I’m stressed”

“Oh” You recalled, “You were painting last night when you called me”

“I was” He hummed, “When do you get off work?”

“Couple of hours”

“You don’t work Saturdays, usually”

“You have my schedule memorised?” You raised your eyebrow, wanting to tease.

“It’s not that hard” He rolled his eyes, “You work alternate days”

“Right”

He kneeled onto the floor, pulling out a wooden basket from underneath his bed, placing paint tubes inside it. 

You weren’t sure what to do as he started packing his art supplies. 

He wasn’t even saying much, as you stood leaning against the door, observing him, recognising the tune he hummed to himself.

He bent over, and whenever he did his shirt would fall forward, allowing you a glimpse of his chest.

Every time you met, you pushed another boundary, crossed another threshold, and after he talked about fucking you last night, you obviously weren’t just friends anymore.

The energy felt...so different, but it was never uncomfortable.

3 a.m. Hyunjin was a stark contrast from 7 a.m. Hyunjin, and...you loved both.

It felt so strangely calm, so domestic, so heartwarming.

It was seven am on a regular Saturday morning, and you were in Hyunjin’s bedroom, as he cleaned up.

A pink tube then slipped from his hands, rolling under the bed, and he cursed, “Shit”

“Let me” You offered, kneeling to join him on the floor.  You stretched to reach for the watercolour tube, and underneath his bed were discarded hairbands, pencils, and a bag of treats for Kkami. Cute.

After retrieving it, Hyunjin smiled at you, whispering a ‘Thank you’ as he placed it inside the original packing.

“One day you should really let me organise your art supplies”

He tilt his head, “Can that day be today?”

You laughed, “I told you. I have to go to work”

He shrugged, “Skip it”

“Oh, will you start paying my bills when I eventually get fired from Aera’s for slacking?”

“Yeah I will” He said, without hesitation.

Your eyebrows shot up, “Shut up, Hyun”

“Shut up?” He gasped, “Can’t believe you’re being so mean to a sick boy”

“Oh” You realised, reaching forward to cup his cheek, “It still hurts a lot?”

He smiled, leaning into your touch, “Less when you’re here”

You dropped your hand, heart clenching, “I wish I could stay then”

“But you don’t work Saturdays, so why today?”

“Mina wanted me to help with the stock…we have some new supplies coming in, and just needed to get my mind off something 

“Something like what?”

“You don’t have to worry about it, Hyun”

“Maybe I could get your mind off it”

You crossed your arms, “What if you’re the thing I need to get my mind off?”

He frowned, “Did I do something wrong?”

You laughed, “No, don’t worry about that”

He closed the wooden lid, gripping the box, “Last night…You said Yeonjun wasn’t feeling all right. Is he okay now?”

“It’ll take time. He’s just having a hard time, with Hana”

“Oh”

You shrugged, “Love sucks, I guess”

He laughed, “You got that right”

You sat back on your ankles, looking around the room, “What was the book you were reading?”

“Oh. I left it out in the garden. Could you get it for me?

"Yeah, once you tell me what it’s about”

Hyunjin smiled, pushing the box back under his bed, “It’s about fate”

You slid open the doors to the back garden, cold morning air rushing in. Plants of all kinds grew alongside the wooden fence. You wonder if it was him, or his aunt who had planted them. 

Picking up the book, you saw the page it was open to had been creased. 

Hyunjin had marked some pages, left little notes, annotating it, and he must have read through it countless times, so you asked him about it when you came back, “So why are you reading a book about fate this early in the day?”

Hyunjin was still sat on the floor, except his head was buried in his hands, “Fuck. I really shouldn’t have stayed up”

You immediately abandoned the book, stepping up to him, “Hyun. What’s wrong?” 

He mumbled, ‘I’m okay’, running a hand through his hair, but he clearly wasn’t okay.

“Come on, let me get you into bed” You gripped his arms so you could pull him up, but he stayed where he was.

“I’m fine” He answered, through gritted teeth.

You tilt his chin up, so he’d look at you. His eyes were tired, puffy and red, and he looked terribly sleep-deprived.

“Why do you not want to sleep?”

His voice turned soft, “Because then you’ll leave”

“Hyun…” Your heart melted, “I’ll be back in a few hours, you’ll barely notice that I was gone”

He pouted, “I'll notice”

You smiled, tilting his chin up to look at you, “Why are you trying to be cute?”

“Trying?” He acted offended.

“Fine” You rolled your eyes, “Why are you being cute? You know I don’t actually want to go, but...unfortunately we live in a capitalist society and I need to pay the bills”

“I fucking hate capitalism”

You laughed, “Come on. What’s wrong?”

“I just...like being around you” He shrugged, “And now that...you won’t be moving for the program in the city, I don't know when I’m gonna see you again. I was really looking forward to meeting you in Seoul”

“I know, me too, but you'll see me every day for the rest of this month. Isn’t that enough?”

It was ironic that you were saying that, because it obviously wasn’t enough even to you.

Something flashed through his eyes, an emotion you couldn’t recognise and he mumbled, “I guess”

“Hyun, we have time to deal with that later, but can I bring you some Aspirin now?”

“I’m just so fucking tired of this shit” He mumbled.

“What shit?”

He glanced at you, “If I tell you…you’ll be stressed too”

Your eyebrows knit together, confused at what he was talking about now, “Please tell me, Hyun”

He sighed, running another hand through his hair, “Okay. It’s just…it might upset you, and you’re going to be thinking about it all day at work. I know it”

“I don’t care, I want to understand why you’re feeling this way”

His eyes were heavy with emotion, “Are you sure, Y/N?”

It scared you, what he wasn’t telling you, but you had to know.

“You’ve been upset about this, for weeks, Hyunjin. I…maybe I can help, or make you feel better somehow”

He shook his head, a chuckle escaping, “You can’t make me feel better about this”

Ouch.

“Oh. Okay”

He looked up at you, “Shit. That’s not how I meant it. I mean…nobody can do anything, it’s a fucked up situation”

“I’ll try my best to understand it then”

He sighed, leaning back, fiddling with the string on his sweatpants, “It’s…about Jisung. I had to leave Yeonjun’s place early yesterday, because…there’s been some stuff going on with Jisung, and it’s just so frustrating”

“What’s going on?” You asked, hoping you didn’t overstep with your questions.

He looked up at you, “Under my company, we have this…sort of contract, a contract that’s responsible for our health. Mentally and physically. They ensure we’re okay, because it can get stressful and tiring, for our bodies…do you get it?”

“Yeah. That’s a good thing, right?”

He nodded, “It’s supposed to be, yes. It is a good thing. If it weren’t for that, I probably wouldn’t be eating well, or getting enough sleep”

“What do you mean?”

He swallowed, “I mean…sometimes the company wants us to be in a certain…shape for an album, or a photoshoot. The pressure of that can be a lot, but this…this contract, it basically makes sure that they don’t push us too hard”

“Right”

He added, “It’s because of that contract that I was able to come back home, because they recognised that I needed some space. Most people in my line of work…they don’t get that freedom or liberty”

“The freedom…to go home?”

Hyunjin laughed, sore, “Yeah. I know how it sounds. It’s really rare for someone to go on a voluntary hiatus…like I did. They never allow it”

“Oh”

“And part of that contract is…we have these weekly appointments with a ….therapist, I guess you could say? I’m not sure what her specialisation really is, but she…talks to us and checks in with us every few weeks, to make sure we’re doing okay, and if we’re stressed about anything.

She works with the company, so it’s nice to have someone to depend on, and someone to just…rant to at the end of a really horrible month, you know?”

Even though he was telling you something nice, you could tell what he was leading up to wouldn’t be because his shoulders were tense and his voice was harsh. 

He was stressed even just talking about it, and you suddenly regret asking him to explain it to you.

You nodded, wanting to comfort him, hands itching to touch him somehow, but you kept your distance, “That’s…really nice, Hyun”

He nodded, “It is. Well…Jisung has been going to her much more often, ever since an article came out about him last month. The one you read. He was getting a lot of…negative public attention for the fight he was a part of, so he’s been seeing Mrs. Yoona far more often than the rest of us”

You nodded, unsure of what this was getting at.

“Mrs. Yoona…that’s the name of the woman we see. We talk to her every month” He clarified, and you were grateful he took his time to make sure you understood everything.

“Okay”

“Yeah…and…last week” Hyunjin sucked in a sharp breath, “I don’t know how it fucking happened, but someone got access to her files…which are supposed to be confidential”

Your breath caught in your throat, “What?”

“They…released everything about Jisung, everything he’s ever said in his… sessions, all of the things he’s anxious about, the things he hates about the job, stuff about his family, about his ex-girlfriend”

Your heart plummeted, a terrible feeling clawing at you, “They released it…publicly?” 

Hyunjin nodded, voice getting angrier, “I don’t know who the fuck it was. Probably someone from inside the company, but it doesn’t matter now, the files are out now, for every person in the fucking world to see, and it’s so unfair, because that shit’s supposed to be private. It’s his life, and…it’s not fair everyone gets to see it, and somehow use it against him”

His voice broke, and you immediately reached out to him, hand grabbing his, so he would know you were here, “I…I’m so sorry Hyun, that’s horrible” 

He nodded, looking up at you, “Yeah. It is”

“I’m sorry” You repeated, unsure what else you could say, but you felt sick. It was the worst kind of invasion of privacy, and you felt so angry.

Why the fuck would someone do that?

You couldn’t even imagine how Hyunjin felt.

“Yeah. Me too” He spoke, “I’m just on edge because of this”

“Do they…have your files too?” You asked, hoping you didn’t sound insensitive for asking about him, when something horrible had already happened with Jisung.

Hyunjin glanced at you, eyes widening, and he pulled you closer, “Y/N…please don’t worry about me”

“But-”

He cut you off though, “It doesn’t matter if they have it or not, or whatever they decide to do with it. That’s for me to think about. I can’t have you stressing about it”

“But…that’s impossible”

His expression softened, “That’s why I didn’t want to tell you”

“Hyun…” You squeezed his hand, “I’m really sorry that you have to deal with this. I wish…”

“It’s okay” He cut you off again, “I’ve been dealing with it half my life, it’s honestly not the worst thing that’s happened, which sounds so fucking cruel to say. Mostly, I’m just sad about Jisung, but he’s holding up okay for now”

Your phone suddenly buzzed, because Mina was calling you.

“I’m gonna tell her I’m gonna be late” You pulled your phone out of your denims to text her.

Hyunjin watched you do so, “You don’t have to, please”

 “Yes, I do” 

“Y/N” He reached up to stop you, “Forget what I said before. I don’t want you to miss work because of me”

“Hyun…this is more important” You told him, but your heart was pounding, “You should lie down now, you haven’t slept all night. I’m gonna get you some water, okay?”

He nodded, moving over to his bed.

You walked over to the kitchen, grabbing a glass of water for him, trying not to fucking panic about what he’d just told you.

You had to breathe.

Hyunjin needed you, and it would help no one if you also began freaking the fuck out. 

How could people do something like that?

You needed to be stronger than this, because you wanted to cry just thinking about how Jisung felt. 

You squeezed your eyes shut, to calm yourself, and then finished filling up the glass for him. 

There was stuff all over the kitchen counter, different kinds of Daejon-special snacks, sour candy, instant ramyeon packed into little ziplock bags. 

Was he going on a trip or something?

As you went back to the room, Kkami was on top of Hyunjin, sitting on his chest, as Hyunjin stroked his chin, fondly. He was lying down, hair spread out on his pillow, and he glanced at you.

“I think this is the first time he’s paying so much attention to me” He told you, smiling as he scratched Kkami.

“Maybe he knows you’re sick” You hummed, placing the glass of water on the bedside table, “Are you going somewhere? Your kitchen counter...is messy”

He shook his head, eyes wide, “Um, no. I was just cleaning... earlier”

That seemed like a blatant lie, but maybe he was planning a surprise, so you didn’t push. He probably needed any break he could get. He settled further into his blanket, staring at you, “So now you know why I had to leave, when we were at the pool”

Everything made more sense now.

That’s why he had left in a hurry, and skipped the dinner party at Yeonjun’s.

He must have heard about the scandal in that moment, and the thought of finding out something like that about your friend also made you want to cry.

You bent down to grab your bag, wondering why those people wouldn’t just leave him, and his friends alone.

“Are you all right?” He asked, at your silence.

“I’m just mad…at whoever did that to Jisung”

Hyunjin reached out, grazing your arm with his fingers, “Me too, but…that anger isn’t yours to have”

“Of course it is!” You spoke, eyebrows shooting up, “I care about you and I care-”

Hyunjin sat up, interrupting you, “Hey, hey. I know”

You squeezed your eyes shut, “You don’t deserve this. None of you do. I just..I don’t understand how this shit keeps happening and people actually get away with it? Why do they care so much about your lives-”

“Y/N…” He spoke, “Can you look at me?”

You reluctantly opened your eyes, and he leaned in closer, “I know you’re upset, but can you just…please promise me you won’t worry about this?”

“I can’t…” You blurted, “You know me, Hyun. I can’t promise you that”

Hyunjin shook his head, “Can you try? If you’re going to be around me… there will be a lot of this stuff happening. You can’t let it get to you”

You swallowed, knowing this conversation was futile right now, “Yeah. I’ll try my best. You could have told me about this last night, Hyun. I could have been there for you”

“I know. I was going to, but...I didn’t want to ruin a perfectly good night” He smiled, clearly trying to cheer you up, and last night’s intense conversation felt like a fever dream compared to now.

You swallowed, “But still-”

“When you come back. I’m gonna make you feel much better, okay?” 

You smiled at the new comfort between you, “I’ll see you in a few hours”

He laid back down, head resting on the pillow, “It’s cute. You…trying to take care of me”

You rolled your eyes, “Well, forgive me for caring about you, Hyunjin”

He grabbed your hand, intertwining his fingers with yours, “I will be okay”

You stared at him, and he stared up at you, sleepily, eyes barely open.

You should be the one making him feel better.

Your impulse won, and you leaned forward, pressing your lips to his forehead.

He murmured, “When you’re done at work, you can let yourself back in. The key is next to the window, under the daisy”

“The key?”

“To my place”

Your heart stirred, “Hyun-”

He curled up into his duvet, eyes drifting shut, “I’ll see you soon, Y/N”

You closed the door to his bedroom, peeking at him one last time as he buried a hand under his pillow. Hopefully he would fall into a deep, restful, stressless slumber.

The walk to Aera’s wasn’t long from his place, but you took your time, savouring every moment that warmed your heart, but your gut twisted with the new knowledge you had gained.

You had many more questions about the Jisung thing, but it wasn’t the right time to ask. 

How could Hyunjin be so kind, despite the horrible things happening in his life? You would think that such hate would turn people cruel.

And despite all that fucking stress, he still called you last night. He stayed up with you, trying to make you feel good, even though your problems were nothing compared to his.

Aera’s came into view, and you could see Mina inside, idling away on the cash counter, probably playing a game on her phone. 

In front of her lay a large bouquet of flowers, and your curiosity peaked. 

Who sent Mina flowers?

As far as you knew, she wasn’t in a relationship, and her latest hookup had ended badly, yet a beautiful arrangement of daffodils was sent to her.

Your gut twisted, in part envy and some inspiration.

Maybe after you left work, you could bring some flowers for Hyunjin.

It would barely do anything to cheer him up, but it was still a nice gesture that you know he would appreciate.

You hope he felt much better when he woke, less in pain, more at peace.

You stopped in your tracks, just outside the steps.

You’d forgotten to give him the medicine.

What if he woke up, and was looking for it? What if his head hurt again?

You were so stupid for forgetting it. It was one of the reasons you’d gone over to his place in the first place.

Aera’s was right here and you were late, but it would only take you ten minutes to get to his place and back. You needed to make sure he was okay.

For a minute you stared at the little art shop, but then you thought of the frown lines in his forehead and the sadness in his eyes and your heart eventually won the argument. 

»»————-

The key was next to the Daisy ornament, as he had promised.

It felt invasive, to enter his home, and when you pushed open the door to his room, Hyunjin was deep asleep.

He was on his side, face pressed into the pillow, covers pulled up to his chest. 

Kkami wasn’t in sight, so you walked over to his bedside table, placing the pills, a bottle of water, and a candy bar.

Just in case he was hungry.

He sure seemed at peace, eyelids shifting slightly. He was dreaming.

What kind of things did Hyunjin dream of?

You hope all the terrible shit in his life didn’t invade his subconscious, and you wish you could stay here.

You gripped the spare key, reaching for the doorknob, but his voice startled you.

“Y/N...?”

Fuck. 

You hadn’t been quiet enough, and now you’d stupidly woken him up.

“Yeah?” You turned around, and he was clearly awake and you didn’t imagine hearing him say your name. He shifted around in his blanket, to face you.

“You’re back…” He mumbled, a sleepy smile, voice hoarse, “How was work?”

Your eyebrows shot up.

You hadn’t even gone to work yet, and it had only been fifteen minutes since you left but…it seemed like he’d lost all sense of time, and clearly been dreaming away.

You stood still, staring at his body under the covers, as he looked at you, waiting for a response.

“Hyunjin, I…”

“Was it not a good day?” He sat up in bed, rubbing his eyes, a frown on his lips, and the kind of person he was, of course his first question was to worry about you, about your day, which hadn’t even happened yet.

In the early morning sunlight, snuggled up in his blanket, brown hair tousled from sleep, Hyunjin looked absolutely perfect.

His hair fell into his face and eyes, and his bangs were cut completely wrong, but god, you wish you could have explained to him how much you absolutely cherished his new hair.

It brought a sense of familiarity, and of warmth, liquid fire running through your veins.

Like the first sip of coffee on a long day. 

Like the sunset on Jeju Island. 

Like a book character crafted just for you. Like an angel that fell to Earth.

You could stare at him forever.

He opened his eyes half-way through, confused why you weren’t answering, “Y/N?”

You had a choice.

You could go back to Aera’s and help Mina with the stock, yet be consumed by thoughts of Hyunjin all day.

Or —

“No, work was…great” You smiled, giving in.

Giving in to the only thing you could ever want.

Him.

“I’m so glad” Dimples appeared in his cheeks, as he smiled, “I hope Mina didn’t overwork you”

You walked over to him, voice soft to not disrupt his sleepy subconscious, “She didn’t”

“Are you tired?”

“Yeah”

His lips curled into a frown, rubbing his eyes again, “Oh. So…you have to go home?”

Another choice.

It was time to stop resisting.

“No. I don’t have to go”

But it would always be him.

“Is it all right if I stay here with you, Hyun?” 

The smile grew on his face, reaching all the way to his puffy eyes, and he instantly shifted, to make way for you, “Of course”

You don’t know what you were thinking, or if you even were thinking. You slipped off your sneakers, pushing them under the bed, next to the discarded items Hyunjin had long forgotten about. 

Your hesitation disappeared, and it ceased to exist, so you climbed into Hyunjin’s bed.

The bed was small, not nearly big enough for the two of you, but it didn’t matter because you squeezed yourself next to him. Hyunjin pressed himself up against the wall, making way for your body, and to share his pillow with you.

There were no words spoken, like it was habit - routine that you just slipped in next to him, like you weren't friends who could never be lovers, like this was what your everyday looked like, like this was all normal.

It was your first time climbing into his bed, but it felt like the most natural thing to do, like it was your fate, no matter how mundane it was.

The only sound was the ruffling of sheets, as he pulled the blanket over your body to cover you up. 

The bed was so little - all of your limbs touched his, and your noses were inches apart, sharing the same breath on his baby blue pillow.

“Are you comfortable?” He voiced.

“Mmh” You reached over, hand tracing his cheek, “You?”

“I’m perfect” He smiled, a yawn overtaking him soon after, “Although I’m still soo tired…it’s like I barely got any sleep”

You laughed, knowing he voiced the truth, “Go back to sleep, Hyun”

He nodded, “And…what about you?”

You slid your hand under the pillow, staring at him, “I will too"

Hyunjin’s hand moved under the blanket, reaching over to your waist. He pulled you closer, his chest pressing against yours, and your fond heart melted.

“You deserve to rest. You work too hard” He mumbled.

The guilt of skipping work crept over you, but…you needed to be selfish today, and you’d never felt this kind of calm before.

It was just one day you missed.

He was forever.

The way his legs fit between yours, and his hand on your body, was forever.

He tilt his head, voice coming out whiny in his reverie, “What are you thinking?”

“Just…about you”

“What about me?” He whispered.

You pushed back the uneven hair from his eyes, and his forehead, words slow because sleep was crawling over the two of you like a wave in the ocean, “I wish I could make everything easier for you”

A dimple appeared in his cheek, “You already do”

You smiled at his words, eyes drifting shut, but you had to ask,“Your head…does it still hurt?”

Hyunjin didn’t answer, and you thought he must already fallen asleep, but when you opened your eyes, he was looking right at you.

Eyes half-lidded, he was staring at you, “You’re so beautiful…”

Heart squeezed in your chest, an unsafe amount of emotions overwhelming you, and you mumbled, “Hyun…”

There was so much to say, but you couldn’t even comprehend your feelings in the moment. His body was so warm, safe, familiar, and it belonged there, and nothing could convince you otherwise. His eyes were so puffy and they kept drifting shut, and then just like that…he was asleep.

You stared at him as he fell asleep, at a loss for words. You thought you were getting used to the way you felt around Hyunjin, but truthfully you could perhaps never get used to it.

You’d never felt this way before.

You’d do anything for him.

You would do whatever he wanted in the world, and go wherever he wanted you to, and the thought was so scary that you almost cried.

It was good that he fell asleep, because the next words at the tip of your tongue were far too dangerous to be said at a time like this.

You would have told him you loved him. 

You were sure of it.

You loved him more than it was possible for humans to love each other, more than it was possible for you to love a boy you met just this summer, more than you should love someone you could never be with.

Just one second longer, and you would have blurted it out, because it was too strong an emotion to hold back anymore.

It’s a good thing he fell asleep when he did, and it was a good thing you didn’t say it.

If you told him how you truly felt about him, he would leave you.

You were sure of that, too.

»»————-

You woke slowly, and then all at once, eyes blinking awake, a steady heartbeat pulsing under your ear.

It took you a few seconds, to gather your bearings and to pull yourself out of this slumber, trying to make sense of where you were.

You’d been dreaming of stars…and you opened your eyes to the sun.

The blinds were pulled shut, subdued sunlight hitting the room.

Your fingers were clutching onto fabric, a t-shirt, and you were on top of Hyunjin.

Somehow, you’d moved in your sleep, your head pressed into his chest, which would explain why the first thing you heard was the sound of his heart.

Hyunjin’s chest rose, and fell, soft, calm. 

His face was pressed into your hair, and you wonder how he could even breathe, pushed up so close to you. His fingers dug into your sweatshirt, arm still wrapped around your waist.

What time was it?

There was no clock in his room, and you shifted, to reach for your tote bag. It lay by the side of the bed, your phone half-way out. You stretched your arm, but it was still out of reach. 

You didn’t want to wake him up, so you settled for not knowing what time it was, and perhaps you could exist in this moment forever, and never have it be stolen from you.

“It’s…just past ten” He breathed, and you shifted, to look at him. Your arm drifted, grazing his stomach, and it wasn’t until your fingers touched his bellybutton piercing that you realised his shirt had ridden entirely up, revealing bare skin.

“You’re awake” You stated, pulling yourself out of sleep, but everything was still hazy and blurry.

His eyes drifted open completely, “Mmh. I am”

He’d been awake a while, it seemed.

The reality of the situation set in.

You flushed, pulling your hand off his abdomen, even though you’d been enjoying the taut muscles of his stomach.

“Sorry…” You mumbled, “How long have you been up?”

Despite being wide awake, Hyunjin didn’t stop holding you.

“An hour…”

“An hour?!” Your eyes widened, “Why didn’t you wake me?”

He smiled, “Because you needed the rest”

“But…” You felt conscious, “Fuck, sorry, I was basically pinning you down, and you must have wanted to get up, to feed Kkami”

“Don’t worry, I already fed him” He laughed, chest moving with every chuckle.

You frowned, “You…did? How?”

“How?” He repeated your question.

“How did you…feed him?”

He laughed again, confused, “I got up and put food in his bowl”

The realisation sank in.

Hyunjin got up, fed Kkami, and then he—

“You came back to bed after that?”

He smiled, “I wasn’t going to leave you alone, you looked so comfortable”

Your heart skipped a beat as you stared at him.

You had been asleep, and he did all that without waking you. 

He…climbed out of the blanket, the bed, and then back in, snuggling up to you, holding you even tighter than before, without ever managing to wake you up.

A bashful smile tugged at your lips at the mental image, “I see”

“Mmh” He tilt his head, “Did you sleep well?”

“I did”

“Even after you lied to me?”

Your eyebrows shot up, “What?”

“You told me that you had a good day at work”

“Oh…”

“You didn’t have to skip work for me, Y/N. I was only kidding before”

You sat up, trying to fix your hair which must have been a mess after that unplanned nap, “I wanted to stay”

Hyunjin got up too, crossing his legs over the duvet, “Mina won’t be mad at you, right?”

You shook your head, rubbing the tiredness out of your eyes, “I can just take the afternoon shift”

He ran a hand through his sleep hair, pushing it back. You got lost in the way he did, brown curls falling across his jaw.

“When did you even get the time to dye it?”

A hoarse laugh escaped him, voice still groggy from sleep, “Late last night or early this morning…however you see it, after I finished taking to Chan”

“That’s why you got no sleep”

“Yup”

“Can I ask why you did it, Hyun?”

“I guess I just…needed a change. With everything that’s been happening” He looked down at his dye-stained hands, “I wanted to feel more like myself”

“And this…” You ran your hands through his hair, “…makes you feel more like yourself?”

He chuckled, “It’s silly, isn’t it?”

“No, not really”

 He nodded, “I guess I needed to remind myself of why I’m doing all of this. The last time I had my hair like this…I was still just a kid, before I had this kind of life”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah” He laughed, breathy, “I remember, at that time… I dreamed of debuting and making it big, and I was so…focused. It was like I had tunnel vision. I never thought this far ahead or about the stuff that comes after you become famous. I guess I was naive. But now when I look at myself in the mirror, it’ll be like looking at the seventeen year old version of me, and maybe I can dream his dreams again”

You smiled, running your hand across his jaw, “You’ve come so far, Hyun. I’m…really really proud of you”

His eyes crinkled as he looked at you, “You are?”

“Of course” You shifted onto your knees, to caress his cheek better, “I think you’re one of the strongest people I know”

Hyunjin’s hands landed on your thigh, and he laughed bitterly, “Thank you…but if I was actually strong, I wouldn’t have had to come back to town, or go through all of this shit”

Your heart clenched, and you nodded, “Right…”

If he was strong, he wouldn’t be here.

Maybe you were happy that he wasn’t strong.

A wave of guilt washed over you, so you turned away. 

You’d overstayed your welcome, and…Mina would be waiting for you.

Hyunjin’s hand on your wrist stopped you, “Wait. That’s not what I mean, Y/N”

“You don’t have to explain, Hyun” You spoke, putting your feet on the ground, hoping the cold floor would wake you up, but the floor was warm, warm like the bed, like his embrace.

Hyunjin stopped you from getting up. 

His grip on your arm pulled you back, closer to where he sat on the bed.

He explained himself, “No, I mean…I don’t regret it, at all. I just wish it was under better circumstances, you know? Coming back home…”

You wish it was under a better situation too.

You turned to look at him, “Yeah…but what did you really get out of coming back? A…drama-filled summer, a splitting headache, and…a really messy haircut”

Hyunjin’s eyes widened, “You think it’s messy?”

The tension was forgotten in seconds, and you couldn’t help but laugh, “Your bangs are…like completely messed up. I take it that this was your first time trimming it yourself, without a team full of stylists to help you”

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me before” He narrowed his eyes, “What do you mean they’re messed up?” 

“They’re really uneven. It’s cute…but maybe you shouldn’t go out with this hair” you said, watching how the strands fell to his eyebrows.

“So, let me get this right. While I was baring my soul to you about my dreams, you were thinking about my hair?”

A giggle escaped you, “Maybe you can fix it”

His eyes widened, “You…you know how?”

“No…but…I can try”

“Okay, follow me” He got out of bed, gesturing for you to follow him, and you didn’t think he meant right now. 

He stepped into his bathroom, clearing the counter, and you noticed how tight his sweatpants suddenly seemed, stretching at the crotch.

You kept your distance, watching as he placed a box of tissues, and toothbrush holder to the side, trying not to focus on that. It was distracting.

You knew how anatomy worked, and you knew he couldn’t control that he woke up with morning wood, but it still made your brain fuzzy, like a stupid girl in love.

“Okay” He looked up you, and your gaze flickered back up to his face because there was no way you’d be caught staring at his fucking crotch.

“I’ve never done this before, so if I mess up…you can’t be mad at me” You spoke, as he hopped onto the marble counter, legs dangling off. He looked cute, staring up at you.

You don’t even know how you got here, from bringing him coffee this morning to napping in his bed, and to now attempting to cut his hair.

He ran a hand through his hair, “You just need to trim the ends, make it even, right?”

“Yeah” You stepped up to him. 

His shoulders relaxed, as he leaned back on the counter, “You’ll be fine. It’s not that hard”

You reached up to brush back his hair, “I mean, I think you did a pretty good job already. How long do you want them?”

“Just so they don’t fall into my eyes…” He told you, craning to look at himself in the mirror behind.

“Do you have a towel?” You asked.

His eyebrow shot up, a teasing smirk on his face, “A professional, are we?”

You rolled your eyes, “It’s just so it’s easier to clean, Hyun”

He smiled, pointing back to his room, “There should be a new one in my closet, on the upper shelf”

His wardrobe was surprisingly organised as you sifted through it, trying to find the towel. 

Your gaze landed on a ribbed burgundy t-shirt; you’d never seen him in it before. A silver zipper ran till the chest. You couldn’t even imagine how good he’d look in this.

“Did you just get this?” You asked, walking back with it, along with a towel.

Hyunjin was reading the label on a candle he lit, and he looked up at you, “Yeah. I haven’t got a chance to wear it”

“Oh, okay”

His lips tugged up, “You want me to put it on for you?”

You flushed, putting it back, “No, I was just curious”

“I’ll wear it for you later” He laughed, knowing you far too well because you’d never have asked, but you needed to see him in it.

Placing the towel on his lap, over his taut sweatpants, you hoped it would also serve as stopping the very obvious distraction. He didn’t even seem embarrassed or affected by it though. 

He hummed, “Thank you”

You laughed, tossing the hair in your hands, “Thank me after I’m done, this may turn out to look like shit”

“It won’t” He assured you, and you grabbed your phone.

“What are you doing?” He asked, “Texting while I’m asking you to help me?”

“I’m not texting” You rolled your eyes, tilting the screen to show him.

He read off your screen, “Step by step: How to a man’s hair”

“I don’t wanna mess up” You explained.

He giggled, loud laughter filling the bathroom, “Oh my god. You’re referring to a Wikihow article? I am truly doomed”

“They’re helpful sometimes, asshole” You pout, “We need to get your hair wet”

He nodded, leaning onto the mirror behind him, as you ran your hands under the sink to get them wet.

“It’ll be easier if I get in the shower” He suggested, and you glanced at him.

There was a smirk on his face at the recommendation.

“I…don’t think that’s necessary” You stated, flushing under his stare.

“It’s not like I’m going to get naked, Y/N” He laughed, “Don’t worry about it”

You shook your head, running your hands through his bangs to get them wet, droplets falling into his eyes. His eyes fluttered shut, and the drops of water trailed down his neck.

“Your shirt will get wet though” You added quietly, trying not to fixate on the trail of water that had made parts of his shirt see-through.

He blinked, wet hair falling into his face, “We should probably take it off then”

“Yeah” You swallowed, paused in your movements.

Hyunjin laughed, “Oh come on, it’s not like you’ve never seen me shirtless. You seem embarrassed—”

You immediately tugged at his shirt, pushing it up his chest, perhaps to prove that you weren’t affected by this. His eyes widened, and he clearly hadn’t expected you to take the initiative, but he smiled to himself, lifting his arms up, so you could pull it off completely. 

Once you got it over his head, and arms, he was flushing red.

“I don’t know Hyun” You hummed, “You’re the one who seems embarrassed now”

“Stop” He laughed. 

You tried not to get distracted, but in the soft light of the bathroom, his muscles seemed even more pronounced, the twinkle in his bellybutton catching your eye more often than you’d want.

You took in a deep breath, holding a hairbrush up, “Here goes nothing”

“If you ruin my hair, you should know some stylists in Seoul are gonna be very unhappy”

You laughed, untangling all the knots, “So…no pressure then, right?”

He shrugged, “Mmh, none at all”

“And they’re not going to be unhappy with your dye-stained hands?” 

He held his palms up, staring at them, as you pulled his hair taut, “It’ll wash off soon enough”

“Close your eyes” You spoke, “I don’t want to hurt you”

He nodded, and you carefully trimmed the front ends, choppy pieces of his bangs falling onto the towel in his lap. You had to make sure it was even, as you measured it roughly, and you’d never been a hairdresser but all those years engaging in crafts surely came handy now.

“You’re quiet” He spoke.

“I don’t want to mess up”

Hyunjin’s hand suddenly found it’s way to your waist, and you stilled, scissors in hand, “Unless you want me to accidentally stab you in the eye…don’t do that…not without warning”

He glanced up at you, despite the precarious position, gulping, “Sorry”

Just as he was about to move his hand back, you stopped him, “I…I didn’t say you have to stop touching me”

Realisation passed over his face, and he nodded, gripping you tighter.

Now that he held you, you felt more anchored, confidence flowing. You focused on what was left of the task, trimming the rest of his bangs as he watched you. 

Any other moment, you would feel conscious, because you were the only thing he was looking at, but today you didn’t.

“Are you almost done?” He asked, voice soft.

“Almost” You promised, putting the pink scissors away, to look at him.

The light-brown bangs fell just above his eyebrows, growing longer at the side, tucked behind his ears. The rest of the hair brushed his bare collarbones, almost a mullet in the back, shorter in the front.

There was barely anything to even fix, and maybe you just needed a dumb reason to be so close to him again. He knew that too, yet he indulged you.

You let yourself stare at him, seconds stretching into minutes.

It was perfect.

“Is it… all right?” He asked.

His eyes were blown wide, and curious, teeth biting into his plush lower lip, with apprehension.

“It’s beautiful, Hyun” You admitted.

His smile grew, “Really?”

You nodded, putting away the towel on his lap, “If you went to my school, everyone would have had a crazy crush on you”

His eyebrows shot up, “That’s…random”

You bit your lip, “I’ve been thinking about that a lot”

“About…school?”

“No” You shook your head, “About how things used to be. Everything seemed simpler back then”

He nodded silently, as if understanding exactly what you meant. After all, he’d just been talking about a similar thing -- about how things were easier before he debuted.

“Did you…have school too?” You asked him.

He laughed, “Of course I did”

“In Seoul?”

He nodded.

“Why didn’t you just go to the one here…in Daejon? Isn’t this your home?”

He smiled, “I had to go to the academy every day to train, before and after my lessons. It would have been impossible to travel so much if I was in Daejon”

“So you never visited home? What about your aunt? This is her place, right?”

He nodded, “It is, I’m taking care of it for her while she’s away”

“And your parents?”

“They moved with me to the city…” He explained.

“Do you miss them...now that you’re here?”

His gaze softened, “Yeah, I do, but…even when I was there, I couldn’t meet them often. I would try to talk to my mum every day at first, but over time that became…really tough”

“Why?”

“I was just…insanely busy. Not that it’s an excuse, but I just let myself get carried by the work, by the... responsibilities and what was expected of me”

Your hands gripped onto his bare shoulders, “When you go back, you’ll be busy again”

“Yeah”

“When do you even make time for yourself, between…all of that?”

He shrugged, “I...don’t. That’s why I cherish moments like this the most”

“I see” 

He tilt his head, “Do you think we’d be friends…if I went to your school in Daejon, instead of in the city?”

“Probably not”

Hyunjin frowned, “Wow. You didn’t even have to think about that”

You smiled, apologetic, “No, I just mean…I’d probably be too intimidated to approach you, and…you’d definitely be dating the most popular girl in high school”

He rolled his eyes, “Stop. That would never happen”

“Right. I forgot you don’t date”

His eyebrows knit together and he tilt his head, “You know that’s not what I meant”

You absentmindedly fiddled with the string on his sweats, twirling it within your fingers, “Hmm”

“What kind of girl were you, in high school anyway?” He asked, lazily leaning back against the mirror, allowing you a more prominent view of his collarbones, and his bare chest.

“What do you mean?” You laughed, “I was…the same”

His eyes were full of amusement as he watched you speak, and you couldn’t comprehend how…easy this felt. How domestic. 

Hyunjin sat across you, shirtless and just in sweatpants, as you talked about the most mundane things at eleven in the morning.

Is this what it’d be like? 

If he let himself love you?

“Minho told me differently”

Your eyebrows shot up, “What did he say?”

Hyunjin laughed, eyes crinkling into crescents, “He just said you were different, that you were…much louder”

You tilt your head, “As all teenagers are”

“He also told me you failed Art once”

You gasped, “He did?”

Hyunjin giggled, “Wanna tell me what that was all about?”

“The professor…felt differently than me. I actually had a full-blown argument with him in class” You recalled, “Man. I don’t think I’d do that today. I kind of regret it”

He smiled, “I’d love to see that. I’ve never seen you…angry. If it makes you feel any better, I’d definitely fail that art class too”

You laughed, “Why?”

He leaned forward suddenly, closing the little distance between you, “Why do you think?”

You lost your train of thought, getting swept up in his gaze, “I don’t know…”

“I would be too distracted… staring at you” 

Your heart sank, at what could have been, “Yeah…”

He laughed, breathy, “I’m sorry. I…shouldn’t say stuff like that, right?”

Your chest felt heavy, eyes landing to the floor, or anything else, “Yeah. You shouldn’t”

“But you have to know” He cupped your cheek, tilting your chin to look at him.

“Know…what?”

He swallowed, “That…I wish everyday for things to be different, and sometimes I wish I was just a boy you met in high school, instead of…who I am right now”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing” You frowned.

“It’s true. Things would be simpler if I was just…some Hyunjin, wouldn’t they? A nobody”

“No... Hyun, you can’t wish for that. You worked so much to be this. You are who you are, because that’s who you’re supposed to be”

“Supposed to?”

“Aren’t you the one who was reading all about stuff that fate earlier? Don’t you believe that you’re here right now in this part of your life, because you’re meant to be?”

He frowned, “Does that mean I’m…supposed to suffer too?”

“Suffer? That’s…a harsh word”

“You don’t agree?”

You nodded, “Things would be simpler, of course…but you told me that you don’t mind the bad stuff, because you love what you do”

“So you don’t wish for things to be different?”

You swallowed, admitting, “Obviously it would be easier if you were just Hyunjin, a boy from my art class, instead of…a world-famous member of a band"  

“You should stop thinking of me that way” He interrupted, pulling you closer between his legs.

“Even if I stop thinking of you like that, it doesn’t change the truth”

His eyes were soft as he spoke, “Maybe you can forget about it for a day”

“Forget who you are?” You laughed, “Before I knew that about you, it didn’t matter to me at all, but now...it affects every part of your life…it’s hard to just ignore what’s real”

What happened with Jisung just further solidified that for you. Hyunjin had run away from the fame, but it still found him, festering into his heart and mind. Miles away, he worried about it, defeating the sole purpose of him coming here.

His thumbs brushed under your shirt, “I know, but just for a day, don’t think about that”

“What should I think about then?”

“Think about how nice it’d be…if we were in another world, where I wasn’t me”

You frowned, “But who you are is... perfect. I don’t want that to change”

He closed his eyes, “I know you don’t…I’m sorry. I know it’s upsetting, but…I wish for a lot of stuff”

You leaned closer, brushing your thumb against his jaw, “What do you wish for?”

He leaned in, gaze piercing through your soul, “I wish for…a normal life. Wouldn’t I be happier then?”

Your heart stirred, “We all suffer, Hyun, even when we lead normal lives”

Hyunjin’s hand slipped around your neck, the space between your mouths almost negligible, “You want to know what true suffering really is, for me?”

“Yeah?”

“Being this close to you…and not getting to have you in the way I want”

Your voice trembled, “And…what way is that?”

“In every way that’s possible…I want you”

You moved in the same breath that he did, crushing his mouth to yours, before he could even finish speaking.

It didn’t matter who moved first. Your lips were on his, and he let out a satisfied groan, as you swallowed his words, his breath, his taste.

Your hands slipped into his freshly-cut hair, frantic as you kissed him, and he devoured you in open-mouthed kisses, and you could feel it all the way down to your toes, within the crevices of your heart, within the depths of your soul.

It was electrifying, the way he gave into you, like it was muscle memory at this point.

“Y/N-” A groan escaped his lips, between pecks. His hands slid around your waist. He pulled you flush to the counter until your hips met his, thighs closing around your body to trap you in his embrace.

A bottle of hand-soap knocked over onto the floor, as did the pair of scissors you’d held so delicately before, and earlier it was so tranquil but now it was so rushed.

He tilt his head, mouth crushed against yours, and it was already messy, saliva dripping down his chin, but you didn’t care.

Not after what he just said.

He tasted of lazy Saturday mornings, of books about fate, of home.

He tasted fucking perfect.

“Let me make you feel good” You whispered, “Please, please, please”

Despite the growing lust, he was still fucking polite, shaking his head, “No, let me-”

You pushed your tongue into his mouth to interrupt him, words slipping out in a rush, “You don’t have to suffer, not when it comes to me”

“I know” He whined fervently, in a heated daze. You were both burning up, and it was so hot inside this room, but he was the hottest boy that had ever existed. You wanted to do so much, but your time together wasn’t infinite, and the things you wanted to do to him were.

“Please let me do this” You mumbled, pecking his lips over and over.

“What are you going to do?” He whispered.

You fingers rest in his hair, and you pulled at the strands to tilt his head back with enough harshness to make him whine, allowing you access to his neck. 

Within seconds, you pressed a trail of kisses down his throat and jaw, nipping at his ear. 

“Fuck-” He moaned, as you bit onto his neck. Your other hand travelled up his body, fingers brushing against his chest, and his hips bucked up into nothing.

You should be more careful. You wanted to be delicate, but you couldn’t stop, and he couldn’t either, as he slowly rocked his hips against yours, to relieve the friction.

Hyunjin was restless, squirming, as you did so, and he suddenly whined, “Baby, don’t mark me”

You pulled back to look at him, “Why?”

His eyes were half-lidded but clearly he was still thinking straight, panting, “Someone… could see”

The disappointment must have been evident in your face because he immediately kissed you, whispering, “You can do anything else to me, I’m sorry”

You indulged him in the kiss, feeling his tongue in your mouth, as he explored you, grip strong on your jaw. His other hand pushed your sweatshirt up, and his lips were so fucking swollen, dripping with spit - yours and his.

It was messy, his hair was wet, and his hands were stained with dye as they travelled up your body, tracing each curve, under your sweatshirt. They brushed the wire of your bra, and he immediately paused, puling back to ask for permission.

Hyunjin had touched you before, but he’d always been so fucking respectful, never going into unfamiliar territory. Despite the heat of the moment, his eyes were shy, as he silently asked you if he could go further.

“You can…keep going” You nodded, pressing your lips to his again. 

It was all the approval that he needed, before his large hands squeezed your tits and you moaned, “Hyun-”

“Last night-” He began speaking, voice hoarse, “I wanted to touch you so fucking bad”

“Me too” You breathed, “You made me crazy…with what you said. I’m sorry I couldn’t come over”

“I’m sorry too” He apologised so sweetly, but he groped you so filthily, fingers pulling back the lace of your bra, ”I’m sorry I couldn’t make you feel good, when that’s all I ever fucking want to do”

He made you clench, “Fuck, Hyun I promise when I came over this morning, I…I wasn’t expecting this”

He shook his head, kissing the corner of your mouth, “I know, I know, you were just being so fucking sweet, you’re always so sweet”

“I was— I was just so worried about you” You admitted, but every word was difficult when you couldn’t breathe. Every word was difficult when his tongue slipped into your mouth, and you gave up on speaking, to just taste and devour him.

“I know. You care about me far too much” He mumbled, pulling back to gaze at you.

“Does it still hurt you?” 

“If I say yes--”

“I’ll make it go away” You promised.

“How?” He breathed, chest heaving, wondering what you could possibly do to take away the pain.

Your hand landed on his lap, and he was clearly so turned on, and you gently squeezed him through his sweatpants.

A loud moan escaped him, back arching at the sudden sensation, “Oh my god…”

“Is it okay if I go on?” You asked, against his lips.

“Please, I might die if you stop”

You smiled at his words,“You’re hard”

“I know” He chuckled, eyes half-lidded.

“Is that because I kissed you?” You teased, pecking kisses down his jaw, as you palmed his cock through his sweats, “Or is it because I’m touching you?”

“It’s because you’re you” He groaned, head thrown back against the mirror.

Suddenly, a buzzing caught your attention, and your phone vibrated against the bathroom counter. Still, you didn’t stop touching him.

“Baby…” He moaned, his voice was hoarse, trying to find his way to a sentence, “Your…your work”

“Don’t think about that right now” You told him, kissing under his ear, sucking over the sensitive spot, “Just let me take care of you”

Your hands hovered over the string of his sweats, “Can I?”

He nodded, frantically, “I told you. Do whatever you want...to me. You don’t even have to ask”

“Okay” You undid the knot, loosening the waistband of his sweatpants, and Hyunjin held his breath, abs clenching tightly, as you slipped your hand inside, feeling him bare.

He let out a whimper, “Oh god”

Your fingers wrapped around his entire length, and you’d touched him before, the first time that you kissed him, but things were different now.

“Fuck” He grit his teeth, “If I don’t last long-”

“Don’t worry about that” You told him. It was stupid and silly how your brain short-circuited; all you could think of was how hard and big he was. 

“Wait-” He interrupted, and you looked up at him, wondering if he changed his mind. Instead of asking you to stop, he grabbed your hand. 

You watched, curious, as he lift it to his own mouth, his lips wrapping against your fingers, wetting them.

It dawned on you what he was doing, and maybe you were so far gone that you’d forgotten how to even do this, and you felt embarrassed, but Hyunjin didn’t let you feel embarrassed for too long. The sight of him with your fingers in his mouth was so absolutely insane that you had to remind yourself to stay still, and not pounce on him in that very moment.

He pulled them out, with a pop, spit trailing down his swollen lips, “It’s easier… this way”

You immediately slipped your hand back into his sweatpants, tugging at his cock. It was easier now with spit on your hands, and it was better as you gripped him tightly. He was so warm, leaking already, and you wanted to just feel him inside you.

It was only the morning, and maybe that’s why he was flushing red, squirming as you touched him in broad daylight, and he pressed his mouth to yours, too shy to look into your eyes.

Too shy, but far too turned on, as his cock twitched with every tug of your hand, hips bucking to feel more of you.

Your grip was steady, thumb brushing against his tip and you learnt that he loved that, because his whines got louder when you did, curse words escaping his lips. 

“Oh my god” He groaned, and his mouth fell open, eyes squeezing shut.

“Do you like that, Hyun?” You asked him, “You like being touched?”

“Fuck. You’re going to make me come so fucking fast” He mumbled, embarrassed, hands gripping the marble counter.

Your pace increased, squeezing him every other second, and it had been so long since you’d given a handjob that you would get tired but of course he was helping you out, rocking his hips into your hand to match your pace.

He was unable to keep still, knuckles turning white, sweat dripping down his chest, drenching his abs.

He was so sensitive, and it was tough because your hand was restrained by the elastic of his sweat, but he kept squirming, so you gripped his thigh with your other hand, “Stay still, Hyunnie”

“I can’t” He whimpered, a tear slipping out, “It feels so good”

You kissed the edge of his mouth, as his moans got louder and your pace increased, hand gliding up and down with ease. It would be easier if his sweatpants were off, but you’d lose it if you saw him like that.

A loud ringer threatened to pull your attention away.

“Someone…someone is calling you again” He breathed.

“They can wait” You cut him off with another kiss, and his hips bucked up into your hands, legs wrapping tight around you.

“Y/N-” He moaned, the veins in his neck strained as he held back. 

Your phone was ringing, but you didn’t care about it right now. You’d been interrupted countless times in the past, and today you would make him feel good, no matter what.

“Faster?” You asked.

“Yes, please” He pleaded.

You picked up the pace, squeezing his cock tightly and he bit down on his lip, harshly.

“I just wanna be buried inside you” He blurted, cheeks red, chest heaving, “I can’t imagine how good you’d feel”

“I’d let you do anything to me too, you know?”

“Really?”

“You can fuck me, anywhere… anytime that you want”

He swallowed, “Shit- I want that now”

You leaned closer, pressing your chest to his, “You want to fuck me?”

He bit his lip, “Y-Yes, but-”

He was so whiney, and it was so easy to tease him, “But you’re not supposed to. We’re not supposed to do this, right?”

“I don’t give a fuck about that. I need to be inside you. I dreamt about you, every night” He blurted, and you learnt that perhaps forbidden love was his turn-on.

“What do you dream about?”

“I dream about — Fuck. I dream about you, on top of me, and about - it’s so inappropriate”

“Tell me, please Hyun”

He nodded, wanting nothing more than to please, “I dream of tasting you, and I can’t imagine how sweet you’d taste, and I think about waking you up in the morning, and — ” 

He seemed like he was losing it, beads of sweat dripping down his forehead, specks decorating his collarbones, and you were losing it too, at his words.

“Do you touch yourself to it? To those dreams?” You asked him, squeezing him again.

Tears brimmed at his eyes from the pleasure, and he shook his head, “I want to, but is that...is that okay with you?”

You smiled, kissing him, “Are you asking me if it’s okay?”

“Yeah” He breathed.

You pecked his cheek, and his ear, while stroking his cock, “You can think about me all you want when you touch yourself”

“Fuck” He groaned, “I’m so close. Please don’t stop, please”

“What do you need?” You whispered.

“Let me touch you” He begged, and you nodded, so his hands found their way to your body. 

He pulled you close, pushed your sweatshirt up, just enough to catch the lavender lace of your bra, in the early afternoon sun, “You’re so fucking hot”

You ran your fingers through the freshly-dyed hair, and when he felt your nails against his scalp, he moaned loudly, and you learnt that he loved having his hair pulled. 

You pulled at his hair, and his hips bucked, thrusting up into the air, head falling back, and with another tug inside his sweats, a loud moan escaped him.  

“Fuck—” He groaned, pink lips parting, eyes squeezed shut, cock twitching as he came in your hand, soaking you.

Small whines left his lips, and he rest his head against the mirror, and you continued touching him, and his legs trembled from the pleasure and the pain, until he was done.

It was only a regular Saturday morning but it was the most beautiful moment in your life.

You learnt that you could never feel as satisfied, as you did right now, revelling in his orgasm.

You stopped, in awe of him, until his breathing returned to normal. His hair was sticking to his face, and you pushed it back, and his chest was moving rapidly.

Hyunjin’s lips were bitten red and swollen, a sheen of sweet dripping down his abs, as he tried to catch his breath.

“Fuck” He muttered, opening his eyes to look at you, after he’d finally calmed down.

Slowly, you slipped your hands out of his sweats, and he noticed the mess he’d made, “Fuck, I’m so sorry. That’s-”

“Don’t say sorry” You told him, kissing his cheek.

“But I…let me clean it up” He felt embarrassed, post-coital haze taking over, and he reached for a tissue, wiping your hands with it.

You smiled at his tenderness.

He was red all over, as he wiped his release from your hands, “I’m sorry”

“Hyun” You interrupted him, “Relax”

His shoulders slacked, and he nodded, “Okay”

Like clockwork, your phone rang again.

Hyunjin’s gaze drifted to it, reading the caller ID, “Are they gonna be mad at you?”

“I don’t care” 

His eyes searched yours, and he nodded, and his cheeks were so red, and he was so endearing.

“How do you feel now?”

He let out a chuckle, pulling you closer, “What do you think?”

“I don’t know” You teased, nails grazing his abs. You were turned on beyond belief, the sight of Hyunjin like this enough to make you go insane, but it wasn’t about you right now, it was about him. 

When you got home, you’d think of him and this moment, and make yourself feel good.

You’d think of the moans, and the feeling of his cock in your hand, and you’d imagine it was him touching you.

“I promise this wasn’t my intention…when I asked you-”

“I know. You just wanted help with your hair” You interrupted him.

He laughed, “Yeah…and you helped me”

You tucked his hair behind his ear, still not used to his new look, “You look perfect, Hyun”

“I’m embarrassed” He admitted after a while, “I’m sorry if I was pushy or-”

“You weren’t” You assured him, only half-joking, “Now I know what I’m gonna be thinking about at work”

His eyes shot to yours, widening, “Y/N…”

You laughed, wrapping your arms around his waist, “I’m kidding”

“What about you?”

You laughed, “What about me?”

He smiled, coy, “Isn’t it my turn now?”

“Your turn to what?”

He leaned forward, voice dropping, “You’re…you’re not wet?”

You swallowed, because of fucking course you were, and then your phone rang again, for the fifth time in a row.

“I…I should get that” You stuttered, stepping away from him.

You don’t know why, but…you weren’t ready.

You weren’t ready for him to see you like that, even though every part of you wanted him. Maybe because you knew it couldn’t last. You feared that if Hyunjin touched you even just once, you’d never feel the same again.

So, you answered the sixth missed call, “Hello?”

Hyunjin watched you from where he sat.

Mina’s voice came in, “Oh my god, I thought you died or something”

“Yeah, sorry. I…wasn’t feeling well. I’ll be there soon” You replied, staring at the cabinet and how he’d arranged everything beautifully — a black cherry candle on the top shelf, a cerulean blue hand towel, and a tiny glass jar of hair-clips.

Your gaze darted to Hyunjin’s, and he was putting on his shirt now.

“Okay, I’ll see you there” Mina spoke, hanging up.

“You have to go?” He asked.

You turned to him, “Yeah, in a bit”

He stepped closer to you, “Are you all right?”

You nodded, “Mmh. Why wouldn’t I be?”

He smiled, pressing you into the counter, “Because you didn’t answer my question”

Your eyes widened, “Hyun-”

“I hope you don’t think of me as one of those guys”

“What guys?” You laughed.

“The guy… who’d let you just go to work without taking care of you too”

You gulped, “You don’t have to take care of me”

His expression fell, “You don’t want me to…?”

“No, it’s not that”

“Then tell me what it is” He asked, leaning in.

“Hyun…maybe later” You told him, “Mrs. Aera…will really hate me if I don’t show up”

He sighed, “Yeah. No one could ever hate you, though”

“Let’s not wait and find out” You laughed, grabbing your phone. As you headed for the door, Hyunjin watched you from the bathroom counter, but suddenly spoke, “Y/N”

“Yeah?” You turned.

He leaned in, pressing his lips to yours. Your heart jumped at the suddenness, and the kiss was so soft, so slow.

“Thank you” He said, pulling away, just slightly, “For…cutting my hair”

“Of course” You smiled. His fingers brushed against the skin of your stomach, and he pulled you close again, finding your mouth with his for the second time in the same breath.

Immediately, you kissed him back, and his tongue slipped into your mouth, deepening the kiss.

“Thank you…for…” He mumbled again, between kisses. 

This time…you knew he wasn’t referring to the haircut.

Your mouth hovered close, nose touching his, “Don’t thank me, Hyun. I’ve only been dreaming about it forever”

“So...you dream about me too?” He asked, looking right into your eyes.

You laughed, hands coming up to his chest to push him away, “Shut up”

“Wait” He leaned in to kiss you again. You let yourself melt into his embrace, and you wanted to ask what the hell happened to his no-dating rule, and all of his damned rules about love, but you didn’t.

A chuckle escaped you, “You have to stop thanking me…”

“No, you just…you make me feel so good” He whispered, “I don’t deserve it”

Your eyebrows shot up.

Where did that come from?

“Hyun, I’ll be late” You told him, and you were crazy for willingly pulling away from him, but you wanted to respect Mrs. Aera and her time. 

There was no hurry. Hyunjin wasn’t going anywhere right now, and you’d have all the time in the world to kiss him when you got back from work.

There was still time.

“We’re meeting at the Creek later tonight, right? Yeonjun might come too”

“Tonight? I almost forgot about your futile mission to make me love Daejon again”

He pouted, and you wonder how he could look so adorable after doing something so filthy, “Don’t call it futile”

“We’ll see who’s right” You hummed, adjusting your sweatshirt.

“Have a good day at work”

You felt like teasing him again, just a bit, “Maybe you should change your sweats after I leave”

He flushed red, “Stop. You’re the one that couldn’t resist me, and all just because I changed my hair”

You narrowed your eyes, “Unfair. You win”

He smiled, cheek dimpling, “I know”

»»————-

Work felt a lot like hell that afternoon. 

As you sorted through the new paint, all you thought of was him.

His moans haunted you, his nose scrunching in pleasure, spit trailing down his swollen lips.

What came over you to do such a thing?

How did he let you?

The answer, of course, was simple enough.

Fucking lust. Or love. For you, it was both.

It seemed like he’d realized that you couldn’t stay away from each other, and you were thankful that you didn’t have to pretend to resist each other anymore. 

“Acrylics?”

“Huh?” You looked up from where you were bent on the floor, hands buried in bubble wrap.

“Could you pass me the acrylics?” Mina repeated, standing tall on a ladder, trying to stock the upper shelves. 

“Right. Sure” You reached into the cardboard box behind you. A new edition of paint bottles lay there, named summer pastels, and you handed it over to Mina.

Just a few hours more that you had to make it through.

You were meeting him and Jun by the Creek later for a night swim, and the thought of seeing him so soon again excited you. There was so much to do with him and you were looking forward to the rest of the summer.

He definitely seemed eager to explore the rest of Daejon, and you had to take him to the night market, the summer solstice festival in the park, to a paintball fest, the list was endless.

You wanted to teach him your favourite techniques about art. He’d asked for your help after all. You’d help him excel in watercolour, and gouache, and maybe he’d love impressionism. It was surreal, and dreamy just like him and you could imagine the landscapes you could paint together.

How amazing would that be?

If you and him worked on a painting together.

Your styles were so different, but they’d meld together so well, and you’d let him take the lead. You could imagine how proud he’d feel.

You hope you wouldn’t get too distracted and caught up in each other, and would actually finish the painting, and god, it would be so hot if there was paint all over him-

“You’re distracted” Mina pointed out, stretching to reach the upper shelf as she stocked new sharpies.

“I’m just tired” 

She smiled, “Thinking about a boy?”

“What else did you want me to hand you?”

“You’re cute when you’re flustered, Y/N”

“I’m not flustered. I told you…I’m tired”

Your phone buzzed, and you immediately reached for it, before realising that you were technically at work, and you shouldn’t be so eager. 

Still, Mina caught onto that.

“Oh my god” She laughed, “Who is he?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” You put your phone face down, so you wouldn’t be tempted to check. 

“Yeah you do” She smiled, “Don’t be embarrassed of it”

“There’s nothing to be embarrassed of, because nothing is going on” You felt like a broken record repeating that, but it was the truth.

Your phone buzzed again, and you peeked at the messages. 

They were from Seungmin.

seungmin:

hey yn

i think you may be at work but I can't get in touch with hyunjin

whenever you do, can you ask him if the refund for the last payment came in?

you:

refund for what?

seungmin:

the art classes

at the château 

he was registered for the whole summer before, but since he’s not attending them anymore, we’re refunding him

you:

what?

he cancelled the classes?

“Y/N. I arranged the colors the way you like. Is it okay?” Mina interrupted, and you looked up at her, confused by what you’d just learnt.

“Yeah. It’s okay” You mumbled, reaching for your phone again.

“Can you please text whoever he is after work? I need some help with the canvas” She asked.

You nodded, “Of course. Sorry”

Hyunjin probably had a really good reason for cancelling the classes, maybe it was getting too expensive for him, and you’d ask him about it later.

“Which one even is he?” She asked.

“What?”

“Which boy?” She grinned at you.

“It’s just Seungmin” You told her, “And you’re one to talk”

“What?” She asked.

“Earlier when I came by…I saw the daffodils. Who’s the secret admirer, Mina?” You laughed, turning the tables on her.

She laughed, stepping down from the ladder, “Those were for you, dumbass”

“What?” You glanced up at her, heart jumping.

“They’re in the back room. Since you didn’t come for the morning shift, I put them in some water so they wouldn’t die”

Your eyes widened, “Can I go see?”

“Of course, but come right back please. I need some help with the easels”

Hyunjin sent you flowers?

Why didn’t he tell you? He must have wanted it to be a surprise, and you immediately stood up, dusting the dirt off your jeans as you made your way to the back room. 

The daffodils were peeking out from a cut-up plastic water bottle, a stark contrast to the natural beauty of the flowers. Your heart melted. Mina had done her best, going so far as to putting them on the one shelf of the storage room that got sunlight.

As you stepped closer, the scent overwhelmed you. It had been so long since you’d gone to pick any flowers. 

The petals were delicate to your touch, and you turned the bouquet around. There was no note attached from him.

The flowers were enough though, and you smiled to yourself, making a mental note to take them home with you, and put them on the windowsill by your bed. 

You would thank him later. 

You wanted to cheer him up anyway, and since you were going to the Creek tonight, you knew the perfect fucking way to do that. You just couldn’t wait for him to see it.

“They’re gorgeous, aren’t they?” Mina asked.

You turned to see her standing by the door, “Yeah. They’re so beautiful”

“Someone is waiting out there for you” She nodded back toward the shop.

“Oh, I’ll be right there” You grabbed the fragile water bottle, carrying it back out with you.

You stopped in your tracks as you entered the shop again.

Curly hair falling to her shoulders, the color of rose-gold, heart-shaped glasses balanced atop her nose, she was flipping through a Daejon brochure.

“Yuqi?” You exclaimed.

She looked up, immediately pushing the glasses up her head, and her lips tugged into a gorgeous smile.

“Seems like you’ve been up to a lot while I’ve been away” She grinned, pointing to the tourist brochure in her hands.

“I’ve been up to nothing” You laughed, stepping up to pull her into a hug, holding the flowers in your other hand. 

“Fuck, it’s been so long” She hummed.

“When did you get back?” You asked, placing the temporary vase on the cash counter. You leaned against it, turning to face her.

She looked like a dream in denim dungarees and a tube top.

“I drove in early this morning. I was running a few errands for Yeonjun since then”

You crossed your arms, “Oh, he’s already making you work for him?”

She rolled her eyes, “Unfortunately, as his twin sister, I have no choice but to do it”

“What errands does he even have?” 

“Ice-cream to aid his broken heart”

“Oh” You pouted, “He told you about that, huh?”

“Texted me crying last night” She shrugged, “That’s kind of why I drove in last minute. I wasn’t supposed to come home until the fall”

You smiled, “I’m glad you’re here. I’m sure he will be too”

“I’m like the worst therapist” She laughed, “But…I have dealt with assholes and heartbreak before, so I may just be the perfect person”

Your eyes fell to the brochure in her hands, “What are you even reading that for?”

“There’s a beautiful picture of you in it" She said, waving the paper around.

“What?” You grabbed it from her, flipping through the pages.

It was the new tourist brochure for Daejon, and just like she said, there was a picture of you.

It was from the Paint and Wine event at the Château. 

You were painting, smiling at someone off-camera, and you knew that it was obviously Hyunjin, but he hadn’t been a part of this frame.

Maybe that was better since you didn’t need any rumours around town. Still, it remind you of that night and how beautiful it was, well… until the part where Hyunjin told you he could never be in a relationship, or let himself love someone.

You folded and kept it away, looking back at Yeonjun’s sister.

“You said you drove here? From Busan?”

She nodded.

“You brought the red pickup?”

She laughed, not one for nostalgia or outspoken love, “Sometimes I think you love me just for my car”

Just outside the store window, was parked her gorgeous red pickup truck. You had countless memories associated with it — nights Yuqi would sneak you and Felix out for drives, to the night markets and candy shops in Samhae, up the hill, to the river when Minho had his fishing phase in school.

Observing your wistful expression, Yuqi smiled, “Don’t tell me you’re reminiscing high school already, Y/N”

“I’m not!” You defended, “But it was kind of fun. It was simple”

“It isn’t now?”

You shrugged, “Things have changed a lot since you were last here”

She stepped up to you, “I already know about Hana and Jun’s fallout; what else happened?”

You didn’t even know where to start. Yuqi had always been like an older sister to you, even though technically her and Yeonjun were the same age, but you’d hardly kept in touch ever since she moved.

She’d been so busy in her life, and there was so much she didn't know about you.

You fiddled with your charm bracelet, wondering how to sum up the best summer of your life, “I uh, I met a boy”

Her eyebrows shot up, “What the actual fuck? Tell me everything”

“Sure, but I have to help out Mina too” You laughed, moving back to the supplies, “You’re coming tonight, right?”

“To the Creek? Yeah, Yeonjun told me he’s going” She questioned.

“You should come! You can meet him there”

Her eyes widened, “The boy you met, he’s coming tonight too?”

You smiled, “Yeah. It was actually his plan to go in the first plan”

“Fuck. Is he cute?”

“Mmh. He is” You laughed, pushing the cart of supplies towards Mina as she stocked them, rolling her eyes at your and Yuqi’s conversation.

“You ladies are not passing the Bechdel test” Mina laughed, from the top step of the ladder.

You glanced up at her, “You know what that is?”

“Of course. How dumb do you think I am” She laughed.

Yuqi leaned against the shelf, crossing her arms, “What is the Bechdel test?”

“Like...a way of figuring out if a film or book represents women without the stereotypes or sexism, and in order to pass the test, the book should have more than one conversation between women...which isn’t about men” You explained.

Yuqi laughed, “Well, fuck me. You’re still telling me all about the hot boy you met this summer. The Bechdel test can sue me”

»»————-

Hyunjin was waiting for you by the forest trail, later that night. Liquid dripped from his lips as he sucked on a cherry, and he had a bunch in his hand.

He looked adorable, hands tucked into denim jeans, his hair pushed under a baseball cap. 

“Where did you get those?” 

He glanced up, a small smile on his lips, “Hey” 

He pulled into a half-hug because of how messy his hands were.

“Hey” 

His lips were redder than ever, juice from the fruit dripping down his neck. It did something to you, and you looked away, not wanting to relive your thoughts that overtook you at work. 

He bit into another cherry, “I picked them out earlier by myself. At first, I wasn’t sure how to know which ones are fresh, because back in Seoul, I just buy them from the 7/11 under our dorm, but I don’t know, there’s something truly satisfying about picking your own fruit, you know?”

“Wow. How will you ever adapt to living in the city again?” You laughed.

His eyes crinkled, “Very sadly”

“I got your flowers, by the way” You smiled.

His eyebrows shot up, “What flowers?”

“The daffodils…that you got me?” You laughed, looking up at him.

Hyunjin seemed confused, which confused you further, “Um…”

“You…weren’t the ones who sent me those?”

He shook his head, an unreadable expression on his face, “No, that…wasn’t me”

“Oh okay. Never mind... How long have you been waiting here?” You asked, wanting to change the topic because that was fucking awkward, tugging your tote bag higher up your shoulder.

“You’re not late. I just got here early” He explained.

“To pick cherries?”

“Nope, I just needed to get out of the house”

“Oh. How do you feel now?”

He sighed, biting into another cherry, “It could be much worse”

“Oh…”

“But, hey, at least my head doesn’t pound anymore” He joked, as you arrived at the Creek.

The moon was supposed to be bright tonight, according to the forecast you looked up, but clearly nothing was going to plan, and everything that had happened since this morning had been all kinds of unexpected. 

The water was enveloped in darkness, and it felt like you were looking out into nothing.

Yongbok had always fed you tales of the many elves, faeries, and sirens that lived in the deepest abysses of your town. Stories of otherworldly creatures that inhabited the depths of the Creek, which would only reveal themselves in the deep of the night, concealed in the shadows. 

Obviously you’d never seen one, but you weren’t stubborn enough to tick their existence off the list.

He had told you those stories many times before, and you didn’t believe them, not really. 

Still, staring out into the dark right now, you did feel a little on edge.

The water was mostly still, as all of the little streams led to this spot, pooling in this gorgeous area. You thought it was beautiful how every river across your town ended up in one place, bringing together each corner and story of Daejon - forming a whirlpool of the lived memories.

To be honest, if there were any chance of otherworldly creatures existing in the entire universe…they probably would be residing in the cool cerulean blue water of the Creek.

“What are you thinking?” His tender voice, calmer than the waters, pulled you out of your fantastical thoughts.

Looking up, you saw him stood by the edge of the cliff, on the same rock he had jumped off months before, but you didn’t know him back then. He was but a stranger to you at that time.

You did know him now, at least you think you did -- over the weeks of peeling every layer of what made up Hyunjin, you knew so much of what made him, him. 

“I was…just thinking about how Yeonjun is late” You told him, crossing your arms against the cold breeze.

Hyunjin’s lips curled up, “He’ll be here”

“I hope he didn’t ditch us” You stared back at the dark water.

Hyunjin laughed, “Of course not. I think he’s just running late”

“You seem fairly confident when you’ve known him for less than a week”

He chuckled, stepping closer to you, “We can get in the water. We don’t have to wait for him, you know?”

You swallowed, “Get in the water, like…just me and you alone...together...?”

“Yeah”

Hyunjin standing there right now, looking like this, did not help your emotions. 

Chocolate brown strands framed his face, grazing his cheeks, and the rest was pulled up into a bun, messy, uneven, so fucking attractive.

And even if all those tales Yongbok and the town-dwellers told you were false, Hyunjin was the closest thing to an ethereal, out-of-this-world, ripped straight out of a fantasy novel creature - that you'd ever see. 

If those stories had been written in today's age, they would probably all be about him.

The t-shirt you'd picked out this morning fit him far too well, the zipper stopping at his chest, burgundy sleeves hugging his arms and biceps just like you wish he would hug you.

You were surprised when you’d seen him in that, and you definitely hadn’t been subtle enough this morning. 

He tilt his head at you, “Is there a problem with that? If it's just you and me in the water, alone?”

Was there?

The hint of a smile made it's way onto your face, and you reached up to untie your halter top, and even the fiercest creatures in Daejon couldn’t intimidate you right now as much as he did, “No...there's no problem at all, Hyun"

His eyes fixated on you, as you slipped off the top, revealing the swimsuit you’d picked inside. Light-pink, it hugged your body far too tightly, but he didn’t seem to care. 

He stared at you, unabashedly, unashamed, as you kept the top to the side, with the rest of your stuff. His eyes flickered over your body, and then back to your face.

“Your turn” You told him, crossing your arms.

“Okay” He chuckled, reaching up behind his neck, to take off his shirt, and your pulse went frantic and you felt so silly.

Hell, you’d seen him shirtless only hours before, but it was never enough, and he looked so fucking pretty in the moonlight.

You reached for the button on your shorts, popping it open, and Hyunjin watched as you slipped them off your legs, stepping out of them. It was chilly tonight, and you bent down, to put all of your stuff inside your backpack, and you were so fucking excited to show Hyunjin what you’d been planning. He would love it so much—

“Jisung called me”

You looked up, “What?”

“Yeah” He released a frustrated sigh, running a hand through his hair, “Sorry. I’m ruining this moment”

“No...that’s okay. How is he doing?”

“As good as he can be right now, but...” He sat down on the rock, staring at the water, “I feel bad that I’m not with him”

“You’ll see him in a few weeks though, wouldn’t you?”

Hyunjin swallowed, “Yup”

You’d been expecting that Hyunjin would feel better after…what happened earlier this afternoon, but maybe it was naïve and stupid of you to assume that. You couldn’t change his life circumstances. You made him cum, you didn’t fix all the problems in his life. 

You felt defeated, because he certainly didn’t seem to be in the mood for this.

And why should he?

His best friend was going through shit, and he could do nothing about it. 

“Are you sure you wanna do this?” You asked.

Hyunjin glanced up at you, “Do what?”

“Swim. We don’t need to. I know you’re not in a mood to…we’re only doing this for me—”

“No, I wanna do this” He interrupted, “Did I…made you feel like I didn’t?”

“Maybe we can just wait for Yeonjun” You spoke, joining him on the rocks, “He must be close”

He nodded, crossing his legs on, “Yeah, he must be. So who do you think the flowers are from?”

You turned to him, pulling your knees to your chest, confused, “I don’t know. I…just assumed it was from you”

His face fell.

You smiled, to reassure him, “Don’t worry. They’re probably sent to the wrong person. Or maybe they’re consolation flowers for not getting the apprenticeship”

Hyunjin frowned at the mention of that, “Once I get back to Seoul, I’m definitely giving a piece of my mind to that shit company”

“What?” You laughed.

“They’re crazy to deny you” He expressed, turning to you, “Have you thought about…applying to another?”

You glanced at him, “Another program?”

“Yeah” He wrung his hands together.

You shrugged, staring at the dark water, “Not yet. I’m not proud enough of my work to send my portfolio again, and I’m…not really over the rejection”

“So, what, you’re gonna just give up?”

You shook your head, “No, of course not, Hyun. I’m just gonna take some time off”

“You can’t do that”

You frowned, the urgency in his tone unmistakable, “Why…? Isn’t it a good thing to take time to myself?”

“No, because-” He turned to you, grabbing your hand, “You’re so fucking good at what you do. Right now, there will be so many chances…and opportunities that you could get. Do you know how many companies I auditioned at before I got selected at Pegasus?”

Your face softened, unfamiliar with this urgency,  “No, I…didn’t know that, Hyun”

There was so much you still didn’t know about him.

Realisation sank into his face, “Yeah. Well, it was a lot. If I’d given up, do you think I’d still be here right now?”

So much you yearned to know.

Why did he choose to audition in the first place? What made him even go after this profession? 

And then more. Stuff about his life that didn't matter, or maybe it did.

Who was his first kiss? What was his favourite book? His worst heartbreak? The first girl he fucked? Your curiosity would rip at the seams and maybe it would never end, because the things you wanted to know about him were endless, and now that time was slipping away, it was the only opportunity to stop thinking and start asking him all of those things.

There was no point in dwelling on the what-ifs. 

Hyunjin was here now, and you would not hold back anymore.

“How do you do it?”

“Do what?” He glanced at you.

“Stay so fucking positive, despite everything. If I was in your place, I think the apprehension and fear would have killed me”

His lip tilted up, “It’s not always this way. This year is just not a good one for us. I guess because people are finally beginning to know who we are, it just invites so much more hate, and anger”

“I don’t understand people”

“I know” He sighed, “But for the amount of hate, the love we get...it cancels out all the bullshit”

Hyunjin spoke of love in so many ways, except one.

“Like…” You picked at the pebbles with your nails, lowering your voice, “Some people are so evil”

Hyunjin nodded, “Mmh, but let’s... forget about them tonight. For the time we have left, I don’t want you to spend it inside your head”

“The time we have left...” You repeated, and you would forget about those people tonight, because tonight was special, “I have a lot of things I wanna do with you”

“You do?” He looked at you, voice unsure.

“Yeah” You smiled, “You’re going to love it. There’s so much stuff that happens the end of summer, like the solstices festival, and I still have to teach you so many of my favourite techniques! So I...I was thinking that we could paint together—”

He swallowed, “Maybe we should just take it one day at a time, Y/N”

You stopped mid-sentence at his words, “Oh”

You were getting carried away.

Hyunjin sighed, realising what he’d said, “Because…I mean, you know…eventually, I’ll have to go-”

It just reminded you that this was so temporary.

Your thing with him was temporary — whatever that thing was.

Hyunjin would just walk out of your life, and his life would go on as it always did.

Was there a point to what all you had planned, if he was never going to see you again after that?

“Yeah I know” You interrupted, “Let’s get in the water”

“Y/N…” He spoke, reaching out to your cheek, “We came here for a reason, right? You love this place, and so you’d have a good-”

“I am having a good time” You stood up, standing by the edge, and you would.

Tonight was supposed to be special. 

He joined you, staring at the drop, arms crossed, “Are you gonna ask me to jump again?”

You laughed, “You’ve done it before”

He glanced at you, biting his lip, “Together?”

It wasn’t that scary, but this was only his second time here, and so you took his hand in yours, letting him grip you tightly.

And then you stepped forward into nothingness, stomach lurching at the sudden drop.

You’d jumped off this rock a hundred times before, but this time you still didn’t feel prepared. 

The cold water swallowed you both, and for a minute or what felt like hours, everything was blank.

It was black, and blue, and freezing, and you couldn’t see where he was, and your head pounded with the pressure, and for a second, you feared your worries would weigh you down until you couldn’t come up — 

But then Hyunjin pulled you up out of the water, holding you tight.

You gasped for breath, taking in fresh air, yet it still felt like all the oxygen had left your lungs, because he was touching you so close.

Hyunjin shook his head, to get the hair and water out of his eyes, “Fuck. The water’s fucking freezing”

“It is” You shivered, drifting closer into his arms, to share in his body heat.

The water finally settled around, ripples from your jump dissipating, and if there were any creatures in the water they surely would have woken up by now.

“This is what you missed about Daejon? Freezing your ass off? I can see why you hate this town”

You laughed, loudly, gripping his shoulders, “Shut up. It’s nice if you let it settle”

His teeth chattered, and he was so dramatic because it wasn’t that cold. You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him to you, “It’s better than a cold shower”

“What do you even love about this?” He asked you, “It’s better in the morning. It’s warm and I don’t get hypothermia—”

You grabbed his chin, making him look up.

He did, mouth parting, in awe of the view.

The stars had never been as bright as they were tonight, and he sucked in a sharp breath, “How is it so clear? It’s…even better than the hills”

“There’s no lights here, so you can see them much clearer”

Hyunjin’s gaze stayed up to the sky, as he watched the stars twinkle.

“Shit, isn’t that gorgeous? I can see all the constellations from down here” He spoke, “Wait, I think I know that one. It’s Cassiopeia”

Your heart stung at the reminder, but you calmed yourself.

One day at a time.

Tonight would be great.

You tilt your body back, floating on the water, and Hyunjin held onto your waist, drifting with you in the cesspool of your lived memories.

Time felt like it stretched into hours, as you watched the stars move so slow, as the Earth spun, and Hyunjin’s fingers kept you rooted to reality, and your perception of everything was different here. 

You almost expected to look up, and be back in the past somehow, and the thought was terrifying because as much as you wanted things to be good again, it couldn’t happen at the cost of Hyunjin.

The stars blinked, disappearing every other second, reminding you of a memory you’d forgotten - you’d actually planned something for him, and you were going to miss it, because you were stupidly stuck in the past, when your present was already so perfect.

“Fuck” You straightened up, “We need to get out of the water”

There was something Hyunjin needed to see. 

And it had to be now.

“What?” 

“We might have already missed it” You immediately swam back to the bank, and Hyunjin followed, confused why you were getting out of the water so early.

“Missed what?” He laughed, as you lifted yourself out. The wind pricked your skin. You slipped on your flimsy top, and there wasn’t any time to wear your shorts and you can’t believe you fucking forgot about this.

How lost were you?

“Why are you getting dressed?”

“It’s…like your thing on the Château” You told him, grabbing his hand to drag him away from the water and into the woods, not wanting to spoil it anymore.

“What thing?” He stumbled after you, still dripping wet from your short-lived swim.

“The town lights on the hill. Remember you showed them to me?” You spoke, as you pulled him through the underbrush.

“I remember” He was confused, following as you ran through the clearing, into the denser part of the woods. The sound of crickets surrounded you, drowning your little gasps of breath as you ran through.

The leaves crunched under your hurried footsteps, pushing past the twigs in your way.

You hadn’t been there in a few years, but there was no better time to revisit.

He had to see, and he had to now.

He would love it, you know he would love it so much.

If anything in Daejon could make him feel grateful and happy, it was this place. 

“But where are we going?” Hyunjin almost whined, trying to keep up with you. He was much taller so it should have been easier for him, but he was still stumbling through, clearly not used to the wilderness and the city boy inside him was peeking out.

“We’re almost here!” You promised.

“Can’t you at least tell me—“

Your abrupt stop made him bump into you, and he put his hands on your shoulders to turn you around, “What’s wrong? Are you hurt? Did you step on-”

“I want you to close your eyes”

His eyebrows shot up, “What…?”

“Just…” You grabbed his hands, “Please listen to me and don’t ask any questions”

He laughed, amused but slowly closed his eyes, and you grabbed his warm hand in yours. You lead him deeper into the clearing, and he hesitated.

“Don’t make me fall into a ditch—”

“Just trust me, Hyun” You told him.

“I do trust you. I just don’t want to get hurt blindly walking through a forest” He asked, stepping over the leaves, and pebbles that he felt under his feet.

Your smile grew, as you finally made it to the clearing, a view prettier than anything in the entire universe.

You hadn’t come here in ages. 

You turned to face him, catching your breath, “Okay. We’re here”

“Where? Can I open my eyes now?”

You laughed, because Hyunjin was such a hopeless romantic, but he was so impatient too.

Amongst the Daejon woods, was a clearing, where the terrain was flat, and the woodland plants grew tall - a mix of orange and purple flowers, surrounded by thin weeds. 

But, the most beautiful part of this clearing, was what you’d brought him to witness. 

“You can open your eyes, Hyun”

Confusion painted his face, in the form of suspicious furrowed eyebrows, until he finally looked up, realising just why you brought him here.

His mouth fell open in awe, eyes widening, as he took in the scene.

“Oh my god”

Soft, twinkling lights illuminated the entire clearing.

A hundred of them, bright lights, flying above the canopy, like stars shining through the canopy.

Stars that flew around, bumping into each other, creating paths and patterns that could never be replicated even in constellations.

Fireflies.

Hyunjin’s eyes were lit up, mouth parted in amazement like never before, watching the little lightning bugs illuminate the dark woods.

“Oh my god” Hyunjin repeated, a chuckle of disbelief escaping him. He clutched his stomach tightly, as if he couldn’t believe he were here, turning a full circle to take in the view.

“There’s so many of them” He breathed.

A smile overtook your lips, voice soft, “Do you like it?”

He turned to you, pure adoration in his eyes, like a kid on Christmas morning, like a boy in love, but not with you, with what you’d done for him.

“How did you know they would be here?”

You shrugged, coyly, “A coincidence”

His gaze softened at your words, “You planned this”

“I did…I wanted to show them to you”

He looked up again, getting distracted in the way the fireflies flew above the canopy, “It’s so beautiful”

You swallowed, “I wanted to show them to you…before you have to leave. I thought it’d make you feel better, even if only temporarily. I know you’re having a hard time, and I just thought you should see this because—”

When you looked up at him, he was staring at you, not the fireflies anymore, an unreadable expression in his eyes.

His gaze pierced through you, and then flickered to your lips, “Thank you”

You swallowed, suddenly nervous as you looked up at him, “Earlier you said you wish you had a different life, and you’d be happier somehow and I want you to know that’s not true. You can be happy in this life, I know we still have a lot of time, but I don’t want to miss any moment—”

Hyunjin cut you off, pressing his lips to yours.

You let out a noise of surprise, as his arms gripped you, pulling your body closer to his. You stumbled into his embrace, immediately kissing him back. His chest was still glistening with water droplets, and his hair was dripping, sticking to your face, to your lips.

Cold, and wet fingers grabbed your cheek.

His mouth felt hot on yours, as he pressed his chest to yours, wasting no time in pushing his tongue into your mouth.

“Hyun-” You whined, pulling back an inch to breathe, but you didn’t want to breathe anything except his taste.

“I have to tell you something, Y/N” 

At first you thought you misheard him.

“W-what?” You paused.

He kissed you again, holding your face in his hands, “It's...very important”

His voice was suddenly heavy with emotion, and you realised that no you did not want to know.

You’d push your curiosity to the side, and fuck that, because you didn’t want to know anything that would break your heart, and what Hyunjin was going to say definitely would.

“I don’t wanna know. Not now. Just kiss me, please”

Hyunjin’s gaze softened, “Are you sure?”

“Please” You pressed your mouth to his, “I just want you right now”

“Y/N…” He breathed, against your lips.

It was hard to speak, and you didn’t even know what you were feeling at the moment, “I just want tonight to be perfect, and I want you so much”

“Okay” He breathed, pulling your face back to his, and you kissed him, trying to erase everything he was going to say, and this could have been a beautiful moment but perhaps you weren’t the only self-destructive one.

Perhaps it was far too perfect for Hyunjin to handle, and that’s why he was trying everything he could to destroy it, but you wouldn’t let him.

So, you kissed him, until you both sat on the grass, and your knees touched the forest floor. He was on his knees too, holding you to him, hands clutching your face to still have the semblance of control. 

You kissed him until the pebbles and rocks under you stopped hurting, leaving imprints on your skin forever just like he had.

You kissed him until he’d swallowed all your tears, and until denial tasted just like the cherries he had sucked on. 

You kissed him until he was hard, and he mumbled, “Baby...”

He pressed you to the floor, crawling on top of you.

He never broke the open-mouthed kiss, and everything was so wet, with your spit, with the water from the Creek that still hadn’t dried off, with your soaking underwear. 

His weight on top of you was new, and it was unfamiliar, and you don’t know when it would ever happen again, so you tried to memorise it. Your hands sifted through his freshly-cut hair, and it remind of you this morning, and of how beautiful he’d looked, and how different things were.

Hyunjin at seven am was so different from him now.

You wanted to learn him, and discover who he was at every hour of the day. 

Hyunjin’s hands grabbed yours, and in a single move, he pinned them over your head, taking control of you.

Your hands pressed into the grass, and the rocks, and you were at his complete mercy.

“I…couldn’t focus on work today because of you” You complained, when he pulled back to breathe.

“What were you thinking about?” He whispered, kissing the corner of your mouth, pushing his knee between your legs.

“Fuck” You mumbled, and his other hand dropped to your stomach, holding your body down, and it was so fucking sexy you couldn’t stop your whines, “About how pretty you look, about how big-”

He let out a groan, pushing his hardening cock against your swimsuit bottoms, “It’ll feel more perfect when I’m inside you”

Blood rushed to your head, and you tilt your head back, as he planted kisses all over your collarbone. His hand slid under your sweater, squeezing your tits in his hands as he grind against you.

You wanted to touch him, but he didn’t let you, keeping your hands at bay, and it was so fucking hot and you were so wet.

“This swimsuit…is so fucking adorable on you” He mumbled, fiddling with the strings of your bikini bottom, “Is it okay if I touch you?”

“Yes, yes, please”

Why was he even asking?

And then he pressed his fingers into your core, over the thin fabric, and you almost passed out at the touch.

“Fuck” You moaned, squirming, “Don’t tease me”

He nodded, swallowing your whimpers, “I won’t. I was just making sure you’re ready”

“I am” You all but begged.

“I know” He smiled against your lips, and true to his promise, pulled the waistband of your pastel-blue panties forward. 

You could still see the fireflies from here, the twinkling lights in the sky, and you wanted to remember how that looked, but Hyunjin was rolling his hips against yours, and you couldn’t focus on anything else.

You let out a loud moan, when his hand slipped inside your underwear, and he was so fucking sweet as he kissed your cheek, “Will you let me finger you now, baby?”

“M-”

“Y/N?” A familiar voice interrupted, echoing in the woods, and Hyunjin immediately stopped, pulling back to look at you.

“Did you hear that?” He asked you, eyes half-lidded.

You were so distracted by his dilated pupils that you didn’t register that someone was calling your name, and you would have chosen to ignore it, but Hyunjin was already standing up, pulling you to your feet.

“Y/N?” The voice sang again.

“Shit” You cursed, squeezing your eyes shut.

“Who is that?” Hyunjin asked, fixing the straps of your top, pushing them back onto your shoulders.

You ran your hands over your face, trying to gather your bearings, but your head was filled with a cloud of lust, “It’s…her”

His eyebrows shot up, as he tugged your sweater over your swimsuit, “Who?”

“Y/N?” The voice called out again, as footsteps ran out into where you were. 

She stopped, feet skidding against the dirt, as soon as she saw the two of you.

Hyunjin turned to her, eyes widening.

You flushed with embarrassment, because if you heard her…that means she definitely heard you moan.

She stood still, staring at the two of you, and it would almost be comical if you didn’t feel slightly ashamed. 

Her rose-gold hair was pulled up into two ponytails, a red swimsuit hugging her curves.

“You must be Hyunjin” She blurted, “I’ve heard so much about you”

“Oh” He trailed off, looking back at you, and you could see he was trying to restrain the hard-on in his swim-shorts.

You were still so lost, head fuzzy, because what was Hyunjin going to tell you before you interrupted him?

Yuqi looked apologetic, “Sorry I ran in here, I parked my car and then I saw your clothes out by the rocks, and I assumed the worst, like you never know what goes on in these woods, there could be some serial killer, and I literally fell asleep watching Friday the 13th last night, and if you’ve seen that, you’d know that—“

“I haven’t seen it” Hyunjin interrupted her.

“Oh. You should. It’s…nice”

“I don’t really like horror movies” 

“I’m Yeonjun’s sister” She added, an awkward smile.

“Ohh. You look like him”

“Yeah. Cause we’re related”

She looked around the glade, “Did she bring you out here to see the fireflies? I swear she and Felix are so obsessed with thi—”

“Where’s Yeonjun?” You interrupted.

“He’s already in the water” She jut her thumb back towards the water, “I’ll see you guys there!”

She ran back through the woods, and it’d be funny if you didn’t feel so frustrated. You and Hyunjin had horrible timing…or maybe it was fate’s way of saying you weren’t supposed to be doing this.

“She definitely knows what we were doing” Hyunjin spoke, softly, hand slipping inside his shorts to adjust, and you looked away.

“Yeah, but you can trust Yuqi. She…won’t tell anyone”

This was reckless. There were a lot of kids and groups from town that hiked in the woods, especially in the summer.

Hyunjin was already dealing with scandal upon scandal, he didn’t need you to make it worse.

His gaze fell to the floor, “I’m sorry for getting carried away. That was stupid”

You nodded, “Yeah. It was”

“We should be more careful” He mumbled, but you could see the frustration in his eyes as he began walking back.

You followed him, trying to calm your breathing, “It’s a good thing it was just her”

“I didn’t even know Yeonjun has a sister”

“Yeah, she lives in Busan” You told him.

“She has a car?”

“Yeah”

“I was going to rent one” He spoke, as you fell into step with him.

"You were?” You turned to him, “What do you need a car for?”

He shrugged, pushing through the rustling leaves, “I…got us tickets to something”

“Well, I’m sure Yuqi would let you have it for an evening. You don’t have to rent one”

“That sounds good” He nodded, shooting you a soft smile as you finally caught up to Yuqi and Yeonjun, who were already in the water. 

They were splashing each other already, asking you to jump in.

Hyunjin headed to them, but you reached out to him, “By the way, tickets for what?”

He laughed, looking sheepish, “Can that part still be a surprise?” 

»»————-

Fortunately for you, the curiosity about the surprise only lasted for a day.

“You’ve never seen Jaws?” 

“I’m not really a monster movie kind of guy” Hyunjin replied, arms crossed against his chest as Yuqi gaped at him, an almost comical expression on her face.

“Does that mean you’ve never seen Chucky either?”

“I happen to like dolls, and I don’t want to change that”

They’d only known each other a little more than a day, and were already comfortable enough with each other, thanks to the hours spent last night swimming and getting to know each other. 

“You’re fucking kidding me” She stated, then turned to you, “Where did you find this guy?”

“Leave him alone, Yuqi” Yeonjun replied before you could speak, and you laughed.

“No, because monster movies are easily the best genre!” She told Yeonjun, who’d already stopped listening, and was checking the tickets on his phone. 

The drive-in theater was busy tonight, as a crazy amount of families and couples had come out to watch the iconic screening of Jaws. 

Hyunijn had insisted that you come here tonight, another thing off your list that you’d mentioned to him, and the fact that Yuqi just happened to have a car — was a cherry on top of a perfect coincidence.

When they’d learnt of your plans, Hyunjin had been kind enough to let them come along with you, because he enjoyed their company as much as you did.

You don’t know why Hyunjin was rushing through the things, but you couldn’t complain. 

Every summer, cars would line up until Mrs. Erin’s noodle shop, and a huge projector and screen were set up, facing the woods.

They usually played the same movies on loop, so you’d already got tired of the the same blockbuster tropes. Being Yongbok’s friend, you had had no choice but to indulge in every single one of these films.

Still, tonight was different, because Hyunjin was here now.

Every time you came in the past, you would borrow Yuqi’s car since her pick-up truck had space in the back to squeeze all of your friends, with thick blankets and enough snacks to last double-features. Her truck was also ideal for star-gazing and movie nights like this. 

You stood leaning against it, in the minutes before the movie began. As of now, they were only showing previews and trailers, as everybody parked their cars.

“I’m not a fan of watching people get ripped apart” Hyunjin replied to her, his voice low.

“Can’t believe you’re a softie” She tilt her head, as if analysing him top-to-down. Hyunjin’s cheeks turned red at her scrutinising gaze and he turned to you, for help. 

He looked extra adorable today, in a white button-up shirt, and faded boyfriend-fit jeans.

You laughed, pushing the pebbles at your feet, “You’re on your own, Hyun”

He sighed, turning to Yuqi, “It’s not that I don’t enjoy the thrill, I just prefer to indulge in a different kind of …excitement”

“Yongbok must hate you” She laughed, “He’s obsessed with those movies. Have you two met yet?”

Your eyebrows shot up, and you saw Hyunjin stiffen. 

You spoke, before he could, “Um, yeah they have”

“How did he approve of you then?” She asked, eyes wide.

“Yongbok doesn’t have to approve of anybody” You rolled your eyes.

“Yeah, yeah. You two just don’t seem like you’d get along” She told him. 

Hyunjin’s expression was calm, and reserved as she said that. You realised that while you’d heard plenty of opinions from Yongbok about him, you had no idea what Hyunjin felt about him.

Hyunjin smiled, “He’s a cool guy. I’m sure if we hung out more, we’d get along”

His eyes landed on yours, and you agreed, “Yeah. I’m sure you would”

“So then what do you like? Don’t tell me you’re into that cheesy Notebook shit” Yuqi narrowed her eyes at him. 

“I’m sorry I just happen to have a more refined taste than you, Yuqi” Hyunjin replied, catching you and her by surprise as she gasped. You laughed, proud of how he’d already learned to deal with her.

“Okay. I see you, Hwang Hyunjin” She hummed, smiling at him.

“These tickets should get us a popcorn and soda combo. Is there anything else you need, guys?” Yeonjun asked, squeezing his phone back into his jeans pocket.

“That sounds good” You answered, “I can go get the snacks”

“No, me and Hyunjin will go” Yeonjun smiled, looping an arm around him, “Won’t we?”

Hyunjin smiled, shy gaze falling to the floor, “Yeah, of course”

They walked to the pop-up booths, and you and Yuqi hung back, watching the crowd filter in.

“He’s sweet”

“He is, isn’t he?”

“Where did you find him?”

You laughed, “I didn’t. Hana found him. Kind of”

“Where is she, by the way?” Yuqi asked, glancing up at you.

“I haven’t seen her since the party” You shrugged.

“Ah. The party Yeonjun went to?”

“The very same” You sighed, wanting to forget the nightmare Lakehouse party, “You and Hyunjin were talking a lot last night in the water. What about?” 

She waved a hand dismissively, “Oh. He was just asking me about Felix”

You turned to her, “Felix? What did Hyunjin want to know about him?”

“Just a lot of random things, it wasn’t an important conversation"

What random things? 

You searched the crowd for the boys, but your gaze landed on a recognisable silhouette, walking away from you, clutching a tub of popcorn tightly in his hands.

Light blonde hair that stood out in the crowd, and he was in a leather jacket, and there was a grin on his face. You’d missed seeing that so much.

He looked so different, yet so familiar, and your heart ached in the wake of all that familiarity.

“Oh, isn’t that him right there?” Yuqi asked.

“Yeah. It is”

“Aren’t you gonna go say hi?” She laughed, confused at your somber tone.

“Um. I should. I’ll be right back, okay?”

“Of course. Tell him I said hi!” She smiled. 

You walked over to him and you felt nervous, but you had to have this conversation sooner, than later.

“Lix?”

He turned around at your voice, eyes widening in happy recognition.

Immediately, he smiled, his entire face lit up, “Hey. It’s been a while since I saw you”

You hadn’t seen or talked to him in what felt like forever.

“I didn’t think you’d be coming tonight”

He laughed, “Why would I not? You know how much I love Jaws”

“Right. I…remember”

“What are you doing here?” He asked, stepping closer, to hear you better over all of the crowd, and the sounds of the previews.

“I…” You trailed, point to the projector, “The movie”

“Right. The movie” He laughed, tub of caramel popcorn in his hands and Yongbok hated caramel so you wonder why he was holding it this tight.

“Are you here alone?” 

“No, I came with Eunbi” He responded, gesturing to where she probably was, not that you cared for that right now.

“Oh”

He tilt his head, “Did you get the flowers, by the way?”

Your eyes widened, “You…sent me the flowers?”

He chuckled, “Did you hate them or something?”

“No. I...” You trailed off, unable to comprehend why Felix would send you flowers, of all things in the world, “I love them. They’re great...”

Was that his attempt at an apology?

“I’m glad” His eyes crinkled.

“Yuqi’s here” You blurted, wanting to not talk about this any longer, because it just made no fucking sense.

“Yuqi?” He laughed, seemingly not affected by your ignorance to his gift, “She’s back in town?”

“Yeah. She drove in last night”

“From Busan?”

“Mmh” You nodded.

“She’s still the same?”

You smiled, “Yeah. She is exactly the same”

He looked around, trying to spot the iconic red pickup truck, “So you’re here with them then?”

“Hyunjin too” You added.

Felix’s gaze changed, and he nodded, “Right. Of course”

“Yeah”

He took a step back, smiling, “I guess I should let you get back to him"

Felix looked so happy, so much like his usual self, you felt safe again and you had to ask, “What did you…want to say to me? The other night, when you texted me?”

He laughed, except it seemed forced, “Um, forget that. I was just tipsy, and I was missing you”

You recalled his texts, “No, you said you realised why you’d been acting this way. What way?”

“Well…” He tucked his hands in his pockets, and stepped even closer. Under the lanterns, his eyes sparkled in a way they hadn’t before. Was it because it had been weeks since you’d seen him this happy, or was it just that you’d never gone so long without him?

“I yelled at you, at the cabin, at the party. The one you organised, just for me”

“I remember”

He sighed, “I’m sorry about that. It was…uncalled for, and I was an asshole, for doing that to you, when all you’d been doing was trying to make sure I had a good night”

“Why are you apologising to me now? All of a sudden?”

He shrugged, “I’ve been wanting to for a while. I just couldn’t find the right time, and then earlier this week, I was actually thinking about us. About the cabin, and-”

“Felix…”

“Do you remember that summer?” He interrupted, and even though you’d spent every summer the same way, you somehow knew exactly which one he was talking about.

The summer Hana and Yeonjun started dating.

The same summer you promised Felix you’d never let anything get in between you.

How did he know that you were thinking of it too?

Was it because you and him had spent your entire lives around each other, and he knew you so well?

“Yeah. I remember” You nodded, “What about it?”

“I miss that. I’m really sorry for getting frustrated at you, and overwhelmed. I was upset because-"

“Because you what?"

He shook his head, “It wasn’t just because of Hyunjin”

“Then what?”

He sighed, “That’s not important. What matters is…I’ve been thinking about that summer a lot, and how it was probably the best one of my life. We snuck out to Jeju, do you remember that?”

“I do. Your parents got so mad”

“They did” He laughed, “Anyway, so I was thinking…we could go for a swim soon, right?”

“Why?”

He smiled, “It’s the season of the fireflies. Don’t you remember?”

Your heart crumbled at the memories. 

You and Felix used to go there, every summer, to play with the lightning bugs.

Was it you that ruined everything? 

Felix tilt his head at you, “You all right, Y/N?”

You swallowed, because it was time to tell him what you’d been feeling, “No. I…keep thinking about how things used to be, and I miss that”

His gaze softened, “You do?”

You had to be honest now, “Do you think too much has happened…that things can never be the way they were?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean…Hana and Yeonjun will probably never talk to each other again, half of it feels like my fault”

He shook his head, insisting, “It’s not your fault. They just weren’t meant to be together”

“You believe that?”

“Yeah. When two people are meant to be, everything in the world brings them closer, not further apart”

“And…what about you and Yeonjun?”

He shrugged, a playful expression on his face, “Maybe…we can be friends again”

“Really?”

“I…honestly don’t even remember what I was mad at him for. For breaking up with her, for leaving us, it doesn’t matter”

“And…Hyunjin?”

His eyes shot up to yours, “What about Hyunjin?”

You swallowed, “You and him…do you think you can ever be friends with him again?”

He shrugged, “Does it matter? He’s…going to move back to the city, and I’m probably never going to see him again”

“Why?”

“I mean…with his job, it’s not like he’s going to be visiting every summer. So I don’t think it matters if me and Hyunjin get along or not. We’ll hardly ever meet”

You nodded, the sting of Hyunjin leaving hitting you again, but then something Minho had told you came back to you, “Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, you can”

“When we were fifteen, you said you’d look for the boy from the shop, but you…never told me you found him. Why did you never tell me?”

Felix’s gaze fell to the floor, “It was..futile. It would just break your heart, Y/N”

“What do you mean?”

He stepped closer, clearly wanting to explain himself, and his voice was louder now, because the movie was beginning to play, “I didn’t want to give you false hope. When I found out who Hyunjin is, I also found out what he was doing…training in some big-shot company that would basically own his DNA if he debuted. And he did debut”

“So?”

“So…there would have been no point if you even knew his name, Y/N. I didn’t want you to get hurt. I thought I was doing what was best for you. I’m sorry I lied”

Your gaze fell to the floor, because of course he made some kind of sense, it’s not like Felix was an evil person who would keep such things from you for no reason. He cared about you, and so he did what he could to protect you, even if it was wrong, “So is Eunbi your girlfriend now?”

“Where would you get that idea?”

“Seonmi told me everything”

Felix laughed, “Seonmi told you what she thinks she knows. We’re just sleeping together”

“Right. I should go-”

He stepped up to you, closing the distance between you, “You asked me if things can go back to the way they were”

“Yeah?”

“Why do you want that so badly?”

You frowned, “What…what do you mean?”

“I mean…Hana was a bitch to you ever since Yeonjun left her. You wanna go back to that?”

Your eyes narrowed, “That’s not what I meant”

“Then what did you mean? Do you even know what you want go back to?”

“Of course I know, Lix”

“No, I think you like hurting yourself. Why are you always chasing after things you can’t have? Like that art internship in the city. Like…him”

Your eyes widened, and you stepped back, sneakers skidding against the dirt,  “How…how do you know about that?”

He sighed, “Is that really the most important thing right now?”

You squeezed your eyes shut, “I was here to fix things, not to fight again”

Felix let out a breath, reaching out to grab your hand, but you stepped back.

“We’re just having a conversation, Y/N, I’m sorry if it makes you feel like I’m fighting you. Trust me, the last thing I want to do is to fight you”

“Then what are you even saying?” You mumbled, “Why don’t you want things to go back to the way they were? Don’t you want us to be friends again, Yongbok?”

“No, I don’t, Y/N”

“What?” Your eyes shot to his, because you hadn’t expected him to say that, “You…don’t wanna be friends with me anymore?”

His gaze fell to the floor, and he seemed nervous, until he looked back up at you, “I don’t think this is the best place for this conversation”

“No, Yongbok, if you’re cutting me out of your life-”

His eyes landed on someone behind you, “I’m sorry. I can’t have this conversation with you right now. I’ll see you later”

“What...?” You watched him walk away, heart sinking.

“Before you say anything, I tried my best!” Hyunjin laughed, and you turned around. He stood with Yeonjun, snacks in hand, smiling wide. 

“Tried your best on what?” You asked, a lump in your throat after that entire conversation.

“There were way too many candies at the stall. I didn’t even know there’s that many flavours of gummy bears” Hyunjin noted, and then extended a packet towards you, “So I got you guys a mix of them”

“Oh...thank you” You fought a smile, following them back to the truck. Yuqi had spread out all of the blankets, to make enough space for the four of you in the back.

“That’s perfect” Yuqi reached out, taking the pack of candy from Hyunjin, “A gummy bear orgy is just what we need”

“Gross” Yeonjun sniffled, climbing into the truck, crawling over to get comfortable.

You grabbed the tub of popcorn, balancing it on your lap so Hyunjin could hop into the back too. He slid in next to you, pressing you to the side, and you pulled the blanket over yourselves. 

“Are you comfortable?” He glanced at you, leaning into your ear to talk because the movie had already began.

“Yeah” You manoeuvred your legs over his, entangling them. His arm wrapped around your shoulders, pulling you closer, and it was easier to forgot about the conversation with Felix with his arms around you.

He smiled, dimples appearing, “Warm enough?”

“Yeah” You smiled, not wanting to ruin yet another night, “Don’t worry about it”

“The movie’s starting guys, save the pillow talk for later!” Yuqi whisper-yelled, leaning over to look at you.

“Okay, okay” You laughed, bringing your knees up to your chest, letting yourself get comfortable.

“Is the opening scary?” Hyunjin whispered in your ear to not disturb the others.

“A bit”

“Man” He mumbled, sinking deeper into the blanket, and it was cute how he tried to make himself smaller, “I’m definitely going to embarrass myself tonight”

“Why?” You laughed.

“I might scream” He mumbled, as onscreen a girl went out for a late night swim, while her boyfriend stayed on the beach. You, of course, knew what was coming next. 

“You can hold my hand, if it makes you feel better” You told Hyunjin, and he glanced at you, wondering if you were being serious.

“Are you making fun of me already?” He narrowed his eyes at you.

“Of course not” You smiled, reaching over to grab his hand, pulling it into your lap. 

“Is the shark gonna come now?” Hyunjin tensed up, as the music in the movie got louder, and he squint his eyes, preparing himself for a jump-scare. 

He squeezed the life out of your hand when the shark attached the girl. You watched with bated breath, as people in the drive-in theater started cheering, making you laugh. He was focused on the film with unparalleled focus, even though he pretended he hated it.

“You’re so fucking cute” You blurted, already feeling so much better, mid-way through the movie.

He looked at you, eyes still narrowed, “You’re enjoying my misery”

You laughed, “I am, but only because you look adorable” 

He pouted, eyes wide, “Why did I want to do this again?”

“Because you’re the sweetest boy in the world” You hummed, wanting nothing more than to kiss him, but you couldn’t, not here. Instead, you settled for staring at his plush lips.

It seemed like he was thinking of the same thing, because his gaze dropped to your lips, and he mumbled, “Y/N…We can’t. Not here…”

You were in public, surrounded by tons of families, and Hyunjin couldn’t engage in PDA like this, ever. After everything that was happening with Chan and Jisung, he couldn’t risk anything of this sort.

“Sorry” You bit your lip, moving back.

His eyes were half-lidded as he stared at you, “It’s fine. We just…have to be careful about this”

This. He acknowledged it, and that made you happier than you thought it would.

It wasn’t just mistakes, or built-up tension, or lust that had pulled you two together.

It was purposeful.

And you had to be careful about it now.

You felt lost in his daze, “Can I come over after this?”

“Actually. Could I come to your place instead?”

“Oh, of course”

“My place is just a mess” He laughed.

“I don’t really care. We can still go—”

“Let’s just meet at yours” He insisted.

“Of course” You settled back, a little confused.

You tried to focus on the movie, and you almost did, for a good five minutes before Hyunjin spoke up again, “It’s not that I don’t want—”

“Can you pass me the pop soda, Hyunjin? This fucking kernel is stuck in my throat, and it feels like I'm deepthro-” 

“Yuqi!” You interrupted her, “Why would you put that image in my head?”

She laughed “Just give me the soda, please”

Hyunjin blinked, looking back at her, “Shit. We… forgot to get that”

Her eyes widened, disappointing flashing through, “Oh. That’s okay. I’ll just go get some”

She stood up, the truck creaking under the sudden weight.

Hyunjin sat up too, pushing the blanket off himself, inviting cold air onto your legs, “No, that’s okay. I’m the one who forgot. You’ll miss the movie”

She shook her head, “I’ve seen it before. I’ll come with you, I’m already up” 

Hyunjin shot you a smile, “See you in a bit”

You nodded, watching them walk off, hurrying towards the food stands, so they didn’t interrupt the other cars' views.

Yeonjun bit into the leftovers popcorn, shifting closer to you, “More for us”

“You’re right” You laughed, reaching into the tub to eat some.

“Are you having a good time?” He asked.

You smiled, “Yeah. I am. How are you feeling now?”

“Yuqi’s a good distraction” He laughed, “She’s been taking care of me”

“She’s amazing”

“Can I ask why we’re here?”

“What do you mean?”

He laughed, gesturing to the drive-in theater, “I mean, you haven’t come here in ages, and then Hyunjin bugs us about doing a movie night literally the next day…even though he clearly hates the movie playing”

You stretched your feet out, “Yeah. We’re…checking off a list”

“A list?”

“Of stuff I love about Daejon. He thinks it’ll help me feel better”

“I don’t understand why you two don’t just…date” He laughed.

“It’s impossible, Jun” You bit your lip, “Especially right now”

“Yeah. I know” Yeonjun spoke, “Did he tell you what happened with Jisung? There’s going to be some big lawsuit, I heard, against the company”

“What?” Your head snapped to his, “Did he tell you that?”

“Some of my friends at work were discussing it, when I was on the video call earlier. Hyunjin didn’t tell you?”

“No…he didn’t mention that”

Yeonjun sighed, “It’s probably really shitty for him, to watch his friend go through that”

“I can’t even imagine what Jisung would be feeling” You stared at the screen, zoning out of the movie already, even though it was gearing up towards some of the iconic scenes.

“What’s taking them so long?” He wondered, “They’re missing the best parts”

You glanced around, but you couldn’t spot them anywhere, “They must be on their way. Are you missing your emotional support Yuqi?”

He rolled his eyes, “As if you aren’t missing your emotional support Hyunjin”

You laughed, “I can go check. Maybe they’re picking gummy bears again”

You made your way through the cars, as the movie continued playing in the background. 

Yuqi was walking back to you, soda in her hands. Why was she alone?

You looked around the parking lot, but you couldn’t see him anywhere.

“Hey” She shot you a smile, meeting you in the middle, “I finally got it out of my throat. Man that was so uncomfortable”

You laughed, “You...are so entertaining”

“I know” She grinned, grabbing your arm to lead you to the truck, “Come on, let’s go. I miss my dumbass brother”

“But where’s Hyunjin?” You asked, stopping her.

Yuqi sipped the soda, “Oh, he was right behind me. I’m sure he’s on his way”

“But the two of you went together. Is everything okay?

She glanced at you, but her voice was too cheerful to be authentic, “Of course. Why wouldn’t it be? I'm sure he’s fine”

Why did it feel like she was hiding something from you?

You narrowed your eyes, “Yuqi...tell me the truth, please”

She sighed, “He said he’ll join us in a minute. He told me to go back to the truck! Why would I question him?”

“You go back to the truck. I’ll go wait for Hyunjin” You dropped your arm from her grip, walking back over to the food stands. 

“Wait!” Yuqi made a noise resembling a grumble, and ran after you.

What if he got a call from the city, what if he wasn’t okay?

He wouldn’t just walk out of the movie like that.

The noise of the film carried across the entire area, and it was so loud now, the music swelling and escalating as the film geared towards another jump-scare. 

Frightful and excited cheers echoed through the parking lot, and your heart was pounding, from the bass of the speakers, and from the fear of not seeing him anywhere.

Where could he have gone?

You turned the corner from the dumpling stall, looking over towards the restrooms but the line stretched long, and he wasn’t there either.

You turned around to her, “Did he seem okay?”

Yuqi was cursing, wiping her shirt, “Fuck, I spilled my soda!”

You stepped forward, voice softening, “I’ll get us tissues on the way back, but Yuqi...was Hyunjin oka-”

Then you heard him.

Towards the exit, under the huge drive-in sign, were two silhouettes.

Hyunjin and Yongbok.

You were so far away, but you could see that they were in a heated discussion, of some kind.

“Do you know what that’s about?” You asked her, a lump rising in your throat.

Her eyes were wide, and she shook her head, “No, but Hyunjin told me—”

“They’re arguing...”

“Y/N, let’s just go back” Yuqi spoke, pulling at your arm.

You’d never seen Hyunjin like this. He seemed so overwhelmed, hand over his face as Yongbok talked to him about something.

You pulled your arm away from her grip, walking over to them, and they were so engrossed that they didn’t even notice you coming.

“When the hell are you gonna tell her?” Yongbok was saying, “After you were already gone-?”

“Yongbok” Hyunjin mumbled, breathing into his hands, “Please... try to understand”

He grit his teeth, “I don’t have to understand shit, Hyunjin” 

“What is going on?” You asked, but your voice came out shaky and you thought you’d cry. 

What the hell were they talking about?

You felt sick to the stomach, as they turned to you, like they’d been caught...

Hyunjin’s eyes widened, “Y/N”

You stepped closer, footsteps steady despite the absolute storm brewing inside your heart, “Tell me what...? Is everything okay, Hyunjin?”

Hyunjin looked defeated, as he stepped over to you, “I need to talk to you”

»»————-

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[stabbyfoxandrew]

no wipw tomorrow

sorry guys. i never even started on last week's (because Rascal's favorite spot to nap was right behind my desk chair and I simply couldn't make him move from his spot) and I just don't care about anything right now

thank you to everyone who's sent me love and asks and messages. you guys truly are the greatest friends i've ever had. i promise i'll answer as soon as i can.

(rambling diaerie entry below. you have been warned)

lately i have been using 4tw to document Rascal things. memories of him that i love, things i will miss about him, the final days where i was watching over him 24/7. i have a log of times i helped him up. this document is over 3000 words right now. i have too many precious precious memories and my memory is not very good (as you all know) so i am terrified i will forget things about him. i can't let that happen. so yeah.

jess and i watched dead boy detectives this weekend for a distraction. it was a very good show. i get the hype now. wish it hadn't been cancelled. uh...

oh. jess and me made Rascal peanut butter fudge on Friday evening. he was... he was very tired but he still raised his head up to smell for it. and then bit me gently when i gave it to him.

i took a video of him licking peanut butter off the spatula. and i also took a video of him drinking his water because he always drank water so gently. he licked so gently. but he would bite so hard sometimes. in a partially blind grumpy old man way. :')

i wish he was here to bite my fingers again. TwT i wish i had a video of him walking in the kitchen. his claws tapping on the linoleum is music i haven't heard in over a week and that i will never hear again.

on Sunday morning Jess and i were talking about the things we'd miss and i mentioned how he hadn't "talked" in a long time. and then a little later, he did a loud deep AWOOOO that our parents heard from the other end of the house. it was so beautiful. :(

i tried to make salt dough paw prints yesterday before we left. but he was really not in the mood to be bothered (which i understand completely but i had to try i needed to have this little thing from him) and they didn't turn out great. i dreamt last night i broke one and it devastated me.

uhhh god this got long. i'm not doing the super greatest or anything but i'm trying to be okay. to all my friends who were worried, i ate yesterday. for the first time in six years i carried only one plate to my room. i cried.

i didn't cry when i ate this afternoon but it was a near thing. i kept almost tearing off a piece of my roll to give Rascal (he loved bread so much. bread and sweets were his favorites) but then i'd remember.

anyway. just an update for you all. sorry for skipping wipw but an anon gave me permission and i appreciated it a lot thank you anon (i am being completely serious). if i attempted to work on anything i'm sure they would all turn out super angsty and i don't want to fuck up our current storylines. i'm not sure when i will start wipw again to be honest.

my ocd made me do it to keep Rascal safe (most of my ocd related Things were to keep Rascal safe) and now they're... well not moot but sort of. it's kind of fucking me up to think that no matter how Good i was, it didn't matter. he's still dead. like it's shaken my world view? which is so stupid but hey i can't afford therapy so... y'all have to listen to this insanity. actually you don't i will slap a read more at the top to spare you. just had to get some feelings out and i am not quite ready to talk one on one.

but i love you. i love you all so so much. please god kiss your dog for me. if you don't have a dog, kiss your cat. and if you don't have a cat give your turtle, rat, rabbit, spider, lizard, bird, etc a smooch instead.

okay i'll shut up now. thank you for reading

<3 aerie

[joels-shitty-puns]

The Key To Your Heart - Track 5

Pairing: Pedro Pascal x Musician!Reader

Series Summary: After writing your feelings for Pedro into a song, it gains a lot more popularity than expected. Ultimately it brings both criticism and support, with new possibilities around the corner.

*! New warnings will be listed first !*

Series Warnings: 18+ only (MDNI). Mentions of food, weight loss, weight gain, dieting, weighing, potential eating disorder, food guilt. Potential for puns/dad jokes (name of my blog, and the fic) should give that away. This is my first fic which should be its own warning, lol. Also some cursing. Mentions of masturbation (f) maybe more smut later idk. Sadness, reader is pretty depressed. Poor body image. Rude people. Bullying-ish and just lack of support? Anxiety. Age gap! Reader is in her mid 20's, Pedro is current age (48).

Other stuff: Reader is plus sized. AFAB. Inexperienced. Also has a dog, but you can pretend it is another creature probably. Further, in case it isn't clear, italics almost always are the reader's inner thoughts!

Word Count: 2.5k

Series List: Here!

Miss last chapter? Here!

Hi guys!!!! Thank you for reading and being so supportive of my first fic so far!!! I love you all ❤️ please let me know your thoughts on this chapter. We're not done yet!

___________

~ We alternate between Pedro + reader's thoughts in this one ~

"Hello?"

"Hello? Pedro? It's me.."

You heard him give a breathless laugh before answering with a gentle "Hi."

______

You laughed back, sounding equally shy but giddy. "Hi," you answer softly. "I hope I'm not being weird calling immediately after you gave me your number?"

"No, no! Not at all. I'm happy to hear from you" Pedro quickly quashed your worry.

"Okay" you whispered.

"So tell me more about this book you love," Pedro asked, trying to start up a conversation, any conversation, just to hear your voice.

The two of you discussed your favorite books, movies, shows, and continued on through other favorite things. Food, ice cream, music, your favorite flowers. You talked about dogs and told him about Skipper. You even shared his name and breed.

"Oh, Skipper! I was wondering about his name when you mentioned him in your interview, but you said you weren't ready to share. Thank you for trusting me. How'd he get his name?"

You smiled before jumping into a story about yours and Skipper's origin. "Well, a couple years ago… I was walking by the ocean down this pier with fishing boats, sailboats, and yachts docked on it. I heard a whimper coming from a corner of the dock and went over to investigate. There he was, small and scared. Just a puppy. He didn't have a collar and was covered in fleas. I tried to call him with no luck, but I also had just stopped at the grocery store and thought maybe I could lure him over with some jerky. But he wasn't interested. Too nervous."

"Hmm," Pedro listened.

You continued. "One of the fishermen walked down the pier with a bag from the same grocery store I had just left. He pulled out a can of wet food and tried to lure Skip over. Still no luck. I dug around my backpack to find something else, but the only food I had was a peanut butter sandwich I packed for my commute home. I took a shot and offered it to him, and weirdly.. that he accepted. The guy likes peanut butter," you said with a laugh.

"From then on, we were attached like glue. I couldn't find an owner for him and he didn't have a chip. We took care of the fleas and I decided to name him Skipper. Partially because of the boats, partially because I can call him Skippy for short, like the peanut butter."

Pedro gave a genuine laugh before complimenting the cute, yet sweet, name. "Does he still like peanut butter?"

"Oh he loves peanut butter. I can't even open a jar without him coming over from wherever he is in the house."

He hears you speak faintly to the side, away from the speaker. "Isn't that right my little peanut?"

"Boof," Skipper agrees.

Pedro laughed, grinning ear to ear. You couldn't see the joy on his face but you could feel it. "He sounds adorable. I love dogs."

"Me too," you smiled. The two of you discussed dogs you've raised over the years before you texted him a picture of Skip.

"Oh my GOD," Pedro exclaimed. "Look at those ears! He's adorable."

As if you couldn't like Pedro more, he's gushing over your dog the same way you do. 

You don't know if it's possible, but you hope someday you can have the two meet each other. 

Pedro didn't want to scare you and mention it, but he also hoped to meet Skipper someday. But more than that, he wanted to meet you.

_____

The conversation flowed so naturally, it felt as though the two of you had known each other a lifetime. It seemed the blink of an eye, but you had been on the phone for three and a half hours. 

"Y'know… I was kind of nervous to call you," you said shyly.

Pedro sighed "I was nervous to give you my number. Especially when you didn't reply right away. I worried I overstepped."

"No! I'm so glad you did. Because even though I was nervous, talking to you just feels…"

"Easy." You both answered, resulting in matching grins and blushes, neither of which are seen.

"It feels like we've been friends for years," Pedro continued.

"I agree" you say softly.

The conversation begins to close, but the two of you plan to talk on the phone again soon.

With that, you both hang up, and each begin to count down the time before the next call. In your respective houses, you flop on your bed, kicking your feet and blushing, while Pedro ran his hands down his face with a grin.

______

The next day, the two of you talk again. He called you this time.

Unfortunately, when he called, you were well into your workday. He didn't know you still worked a normal person's job.

"Hey P! I'm sorry I can't talk, I'm at work, can I call you in a few hours??"

"Oh shit, sorry! Yes." Pedro hung up frantically before he began to think. Did she just call me P? A nickname? He smiled to himself. He had been called many names, nicknames, and mispronunciations throughout his life. Some good nicknames, some… not so good. Other people have even called him P before. But never before had he heard a nickname from your lips.

_____ 

When you called him back after work, he decided to be bold. "Did you call me P?"

"Huh?" 

"Earlier when I called, did you say 'Hey P!' when you answered the phone?"

Your blood turned cold. Oh no. It slipped out. He hates that I used a nickname.

"I did. I figured it would be better for your privacy if I didn't say your name out loud."

"Oh. I see. Well, Pedro is a pretty common name."

Yeah but when your coworkers all know you're in love with Pedro Pascal, I don't think they'd be thinking of other Pedros.

"That's true. But some of my coworkers know I'm a big fan of yours so they might think I'm just delusional, haha" you answered… mostly honestly. Although you aren't sure "big fan" is the right word. It's just the safest.

Pedro thought about this and wondered: her coworkers know that she's a big fan? How big of a fan? Could I be the - nope, don't even go there.

"Big fan, huh? Well, thank you. I appreciate it. And I don't mind the nickname. I liked it. People call me a lot of names and I don't really mind." He had started to tease about the fan thing but decided to change gears.

"Oh good! I was worried I overstepped," you replied cautiously.

"You could never." And he meant it. With as much daydreaming as he's been doing lately, he's not sure there's much of anything you could do to overstep. He, however, worries he might. She's already in love with someone. Stop.

He cleared his throat and continued "so I didn't know you worked, outside of your music."

"Oh yeah, I mean the music is fairly new. Luckily my coworkers haven't figured it out yet, surprisingly." You continued to describe your job, Pedro listening intently (as if work was actually entertaining).

_____

After the work discussion, there was a quiet pause. "Hello?" You asked, wondering if Pedro had been disconnected.

He suddenly sounded serious. "Can I… uh.. ask you a question?"

"Oh. Um… Okay…" you replied, heart pounding.

"You mentioned your coworkers not finding out.. Do you think you're ever going to show people who you are?"

"Maybe someday…if they don't figure it out first."

"Do you think you'll ever tell your guy you love him?"

Your heart was ready to fly away it was beating so fast. "I'm thinking about it..."

"Can I ask - What's holding you back?" He asked cautiously, gently even.

Where to begin? You thought. But he doesn't need to know all that. He doesn't want to. You'll scare him off once he realizes what a mess you are.

"Eh, it's just my own silly worries! It's okay, I'll get over them I'm sure. I know I can't stay hidden forever," you deflected as best as possible.

"Anxiety is a hard thing to conquer, but your worries aren't silly if they bother you. If you ever need to go to someone, I'm here to talk."

"Thanks, Pedro. But really, don't worry about me. I'm okay."

"That's not fair to you. How often have you felt the need to say that? That you're okay, in order to not worry someone else?"

Every time I'm worried. Nobody needs to be burdened by my stress.

"Oh.. I um.. I just don't want to burden anyone over something I should handle myself…I don't want my friends to feel like I'm using them as my therapist."

Pedro's heart sank even more. "I hate that anyone could ever make you feel that way. But if you want to talk, I'm here to listen. You won't burden me. I promise."

You couldn't help the sniffle that escaped you. "I don't want to push you away." Your voice dropped down to practically a whisper "I don't want you to leave."

Pedro's heart broke. "Baby… the only way you'll push me away is if you tell me to leave. Let down your walls. Talk to me."

Did he just call me baby? You immediately snapped up, quieting your tears instantly.

The realization hit Pedro just the same. Shit, did I just slip and call her baby?! Oh what have I done? Tell me she didn't notice. Tell me she didn't hear me. She's worried about pushing me away, and I go and say something like that? 

Unsure of how to address the nickname, you decided to ignore it. He probably is just trying to be nice. Friends say things like that. Buddy, pal, babe, baby, love, honey. At least girl friendships do… ? It's probably nothing.

"Are you sure? I mean, you don't even know me that well," you hesitated.

"But I want to. It'll be okay. Let me in," Pedro said softly, cautious, like you'd flee.

And so you opened up. You told him about your anxieties. How it feels safer to just close yourself off from people. About not sharing your excitement and passion because people feel it's "too much." Not showing your feelings because your old crush said it was weird and pushed you away. Feeling like other people fit in so much easier than you ever can. Or how you wonder if your friends sometimes just are nice to you only because you're nice to them. How you're really nobody's favorite. 

With every word, Pedro's heart was breaking. All he wanted was to scoop you up in his arms and hold you until you believed all those things weren't true. Until you felt loved the way you deserved.

"But I guess one of the main reasons I haven't shown myself to the world is because of the things people have said about me without knowing me. About my music. About me being naive. Childish. Creepy even.." you continued.

"Those people are assholes. The second you get an ounce of fame and attention they'll do anything they can to knock you down. You're amazing. You're brave and bold and all you did was share your feelings and your voice. Those people just want to make themselves feel better about their own unhappy lives." Pedro spoke from his own experiences. Rumors and articles often spread like wildfire and it can be overwhelming. He isn't immune to that.

"Thank you. And I know that, but I think part of me believes they might be right… I really am just in my silly daydreams."

"They aren't right. You said it yourself, they don't know you. You know you. I'm starting to know you. I can already tell you aren't any of the nasty things people say, and those people couldn't even be half as good a person as you are." Pedro reassured.

"Thank you… but… well… can I ask you something?" You asked shyly.

"Of course."

"On the topic of what people have said… Another big reason I haven't told the guy I like is because I worry he wouldn't like me. Like he'd think the way those people do. You said earlier in your interview when you were asked - that if someone wrote a song or something like that about you, you'd still consider them. You'd give them a chance, even though they were clearly some obsessive fan. Were you telling the truth? Would you really give a fan a chance with you? Be honest with me," you pleaded nervously.

Pedro paused for a second, before answering with certainty. "Yes. I would feel at a bit of a disadvantage that they loved me before I got the chance to love them back... But I would give them a chance. As long as they're respectful, why shouldn't you? Who says celebrities should only end up with other celebrities? The world is full of people looking for and deserving of love. Including, especially, you."

Your heart fluttered around his words like a thousand butterflies taking flight at once.

"Thank you Pedro. You deserve that too. And if that's something you want too, I hope you find it."

Me. I hope you find me.

"Thank you. I hope you do too." He meant it. Even if it wasn't him, he wanted you to be happy.

"But lastly… I think a big reason I'm scared to show him who I am is…"

"Yeah?" Pedro could feel himself getting nervous.

"I don't… look like a celebrity. I don't look like those women in magazines. I'm not… skinny. I'm fat, and squishy… and I don't have flawless skin. I'm not… beau-"

"Stop," Pedro said.

"Sorry…" you fretted. You knew you'd push him away.

"No, no, no. Don't be sorry. But don't say to me that you aren't beautiful. Because you are. I don't even know what you look like but you're beautiful on the inside. And as far as the women in magazines? They've gone through hair and makeup and plastic surgery. They don't look perfect when you strip all that away. But you. We all have bad skin days. And you aren't defined by your body size. You may not be your own type. But for all you know, the man you are in love with might LOVE that you aren't skinny. He might love the curves and the natural beauty that you have. Not to mention that big heart of yours. You might just be his type."

You might be my type, he thought. 

You were crying now. Not a sniffle, but a genuine cry. And Pedro felt as though he must have made things much worse. Until you said "thank you Pedro. I'm sorry for putting all this on your shoulders. But thank you for your words. I know that I don't like my own body and I just assume others wouldn't as well. But maybe you're right. Maybe he would love me back."

"I think he will. You just need to give him a chance to see you the way you are. You deserve to be loved as you are. He will love you back."

And if he doesn't, I think I already do. Pedro finally admitted to himself.

__________

That's all folks! For this chapter at least. Thanks again for reading and stay tuned for more!

Next chapter! Here

Taglist: (Want in? Let me know!)@pedrotonin @starcrossed02 @lightupsketchersperson @cartoon-garbage04 @tyferbebe @maryfanson @gwendibley84 @faithfullyyours2000 @brilliantopposite187 @hc-geralt-23 @jenniferpendragon @winchestergypsy90 @red-red-rogue @theendwhereibegin @lottieellz101 @oliversaurus @kyga01 @milly-louise @titabel

[griefabyss69]

THWIP THURSDAY

technically tagged by @carbonbased000 for WIP SHARING PURPOSES and so here I am! Thank you <3 I haven't done any WIP posting/games/etc in ages and I appreciate everyone who tagged me, it makes me feel nice even if I don't participate <3 I mentioned in some tags earlier this week that I attempted to have a day where I took a break from writing (I've been writing a LOT lately, even more than I posted in Sept) and that instead of doing THAT, I got possessed by two brand new WIPs that refused to wait their turn. One of them is over 20K by now and the other I think is still under 10K but it's gonna be a long one! My instinct is to keep these squirreled away until they're finished but they're not gonna be finished for a very long time so I might as well share some of the longer one! ---

God. What a relief, when Eddie slides into the passenger's seat, looking exactly how Steve expects him to, smelling like coffee and cigarettes - though he said he was quitting - and everything he uses in the shower. "Hey," he says, pulling out of the driveway. "Hello there," Eddie says, looking him over. "Is this a… don't you DARE talk to me about it kind of thing, or do you want to bring it up later, or should I pull it out of you with brute force?" Steve laughs. Everything's actually alright, isn't it? "The second thing. Nothing's… nothing's that bad, just had a hard day," he says. "Even though it was short." "Yeah," Eddie says, graciously, though Steve can tell that Eddie can tell that whatever it is feels like fucking dogshit. "Lucky you, then. You get to hang out with a such a distracting, devastating specimen like myself." Steve's got. Hot blood. It reminds him presently. "Uh-huh," he says, flat and dry as possible. "Tell that to all of the sexy single moms when we're waiting in line and you've got your cart full of like, fucking ice cream and TV dinners." Eddie laughs, scrunching his face at him. "You think you're sooo funny," he says. "That's embarrassing." "No, what's embarrassing is that you think I'm funny." Eddie bites his lips together like he's trying not to smile, crossing his arms. He doesn't have a retort, but Steve knows that's only because it's still Eddie's version of too-fucking-early in the morning. "You had coffee, right? Breakfast?" he checks. There's a diner up ahead. "Yeah, didn't want to go terrorize the aisles hungry, or whatever you said," Eddie sighs. "So I ate the stalest peanut butter sandwich on EARTH and with coffee that had NO milk in it." Steve laughs. "Good thing I'm here to save the day," he says, and pulls into the diner. He's not hungry, but they can get something small and share it or something. Whatever Eddie wants.

This fic is set in 1990 and is about trauma AND bdsm AND deep easy friendships AND it's got some of my most Eddie dialogue ever in it. (I've really been working on my presentation of him as someone who does NOT grow out of the adhd hyperactivity, perhaps inspired by pulling myself out of the sludge of a months long disassociation/depression thing and my own return of adhd hyperactivity, which is why I got SO possessed by the Stories I'm Writing)

I'm not tagging anyone specifically because if you see this (thank you for reading all of that ^), you're it!!! Please @ me so I can see your wip thank you <3