#if youre like 'what the fuck does that have to do with anything ??' then thats probably him
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Hey hey! Yeah ive noticed when it comes to actual toxic shadowvanilla (or even closer to cannon) they dont get in depth of it. It feels like theres something MISSING! Ackkkkkkk i am a beliver of them being mutually toxic to each other (especially tr) If TR did for some reason truly became a cookie of decite, it would not end well for either of them! Think about it, shadow milk wants someone who understands BUT how he wants Pure vanilla to be a cookie of decite. And and shadow milk so caught up in his joy didnt even notice the cannon betryal, then take that and up it with truthless recules. Tr would 100% be lying for his own gain, probably notice shadowmilks emotional weakness and twist it like a KNIFE! The roles would be reversed! Shadowmilk is the puppet now, yet he doesnt KNOW it! So blinded by his loneiess, and the need to have someone to understand him! That he allowed himself be used (quite ironic if you think about it) cuz PV normally is not one to show his emotions in his sprites (other than his staff and well shadowmilk meddling) AND HE ISNT A OWO MAN!!! Sick of the owo man treatment! TR is that but UPPED!! A cookie of decite who doesnt express his emotions, able to twist it however he likes. Like i can see this as a Sm thinks hes the puppet master, while being the puppet. Tr lets him think that!!! Its easier to maulipate someone if they think their in control. Its MESSY! (I cannot put into words how messed up this situation would be) shadow milk you FOOL! Youve created your own MONSTER! One who sees you as a means to a end, a PUPPET. False fluff, fapse happiness, false LOVE! What TR gives you is a LIE and even if theres truth in it YOU DONT KNOW IT, YOU COUNDNT EVEN TELL WHEN HE PULL OFF A LIE! (In cannon) YOU are now in the web of lies of your own creation, Tr is your spider!! Anyway uh thats a little bit of what this dymatic makes me go crazy over (i have more ideas....)
ANON YOU FUCKKING GET IT OH MY GOOOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS REAL!!!!!!! I LOVE TOXIC YAOIIII!!!!
I'm gonna fucking yap about PV characterization (AGAIN.) (I just love him so fucking much.)
Very Long LONG post. XP
I'm so happy right now because you UNDERSTAND that PV isn't just some fucking UwU bean guy. Like, this is why he's so fucking good at being a leader because of his EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE and that he DOESN'T get caught up by his emotions and focuses on the problems even if it's stressful. Like a scene in Odyssey where Dark Cacao gets MAD when Clotted Cream had the idea of wanting the powers of the Soul Jam but Pure Vanilla remained calm as ever(And all of the sprites used this scene have his eyes open. He is SERIOUS.) Out of the WHOLE Ancients, despite his youthful, brighter amd unchanging appearance (and that's why his Korean Va is a girl to convey his youthfulness) he is the nost mature because he tries to Understand the situation and not diving head first. He isn't a warrior, but he is skilled involving emotions BUT he keeps DOUBTING himself at first like "I can't believe I did that! But I'd do anything for my friends to protect them."
AND THEN SHADOW MILK COOKIE COMES IN!!!! Omg Shadow Milk Cookie, DO NOT unlock the full potential of that Skill Pure Vanilla- I man Truthless Recluse has(Emotional Intelligence😇 LEVEL UP! ➡️ Emotional Manipulation😈) that he made you look stupid by making YOU think that YOU are the one IN CONTROL!
LOOK AT HOW HE DOES IT BY MAKING SMILK THINK HE'S IN CONTROL!!




En got "You and I... were meant to be together."❌️ The shadowvanilla shippers are really feeding on this line omg.
Kr got "I guess I have to accept you... Or become a part lf you."✅️ THAT'S WHAT I WANTED TO SEE!!!! EMOTIONAL MANIPULATION AT IT FINEST BAYBEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! MAKE HIM THINK HE'S THE ONE PULLING YOUR STRINGS WHEN YOU'VE ALREADY SLITHERED YOUR WAY THROUGH HIS MASK!!!! UUUGGHH SMILK YOU MADE HIM BETTER THAN YOUUU
That's why I kept mentioning that PV is KIND, and not Nice and he is pretty much capable of incredible violence. Does anyone even REMEMBER PV having enough seeing his friends suffer when he was the last one standing that he tries TO KILL DARK ENCHANTRESS?? He does a lot of things that involves he SACRIFICING HIMSELF in the process. UGHHH!! FUCK!! PURE VANILLA COOKIE IS NOT NICE!! HE WANTED TO KILL SHADOW MILK COOKIE!!! Remember the "Crash Out" scene? That's his true emotions having throwing a suprise party. He had ENOUGH. Then the scenery changes that made him remember that he wasn't supposed to be a violent person. He's an angel! 😇🙏 Silly Vanillyyy, why would you say "I'M GOING TO DESTROY YOU!!" that isn't like you at all!! [sarcasm](He is literally holding back the rage every single fucking day of his life.)
As much as people love to draw PV hugging Smilk closing to the end of the Ep, he literally beats him up and people seem to forget that over thinking PV is nice Uwu It doesn't have to be this way Shadow Milk Cookie. Meanwhile in the Korean version, Awakened PV had a dialogue that went, "I like helping people but I had enough of your shit Shadow Milk Cookie.☺️" Pure Vanilla Cookie said calmly. (Link to the video I made with this line.) And then made shooting stars of Truth descend from the sky to attack him. He did say he wanted Smilk to be his friend, but he wouldn't back down in a fight anymore. That's why his Awakened "Compassionate" form finally showing his real role that he is a MAGIC TYPE all along who has been disguised under the role of a HEALER.
Anyway TR ♤♤♤♤♤♤♤♤ SMILK. TOXIC YAOI REAL!! Two Cookies of Deceit. One emotional and one empty. Smilk may be the best at psychological warfare and torture, but he got himself an emotional manipulator. Tr easily takes advantage of his emotions because he acts like a child!! Just give him what he wants then he'll be satisfied in no time. Take it away from him, he's gonna have his tantrums again.
Noe I couldn't add more tbh. You explained it well and all I could do is smash the TRUE over and over.
Even with my interpretation of canon that Tr won't last long with Smilk because of the Friendship Gang and "the universe couldn't allow this! One of you turn "good" now!", I like to think the toxicity still lives through Awakened PV since he's both Truth AND Deceit. Like a bright star from light years away that's actually dead, he could still act as of he were still TR to make Smilk more paranoid and obsessed with him in a more fucked up secretive way that other people wouldn't even notice because PV is already good! He wouldn't do evil things again, right? Hehe.
Also sharing this twt post of Tr ripping Smilk's eye as well. 🥰🥰🥰
https://x.com/41n4v15/status/1896085874628087843
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have been thinking about professor sol even. professor bufo with no clearly discernable lesson plan. sol bufo ostensibly martial arts professor who spent two weeks running a yoga and meditation program and shows up to the next class with crochet hooks for everyone. professor bufo who is technically supposed to be assigning grades to students but hasnt given anyone less than an A because "i think they worked really hard and they did a great job :)" (referring to the ugliest and most malformed pot holder anyone has laid eyes upon in their life). professor bufo who is on his way to cluelessly kickstart the sexual awakening of about half the cohort of the academys new students. sol bufo adjunct professor who is gone half the year and his first class back is so immediately and easily baited into going into a long tangent about how cool his friends are. sol who is pretty sure hes easily the most useless professor on campus and almost cries when he sees his little desk overflowing with thank you notes at the end of the year. professor bufo absolutely fucking gloriously hot in the tightest little sweater vest because there were faculty complaints when he wore a crop top to class.
#ramble tag#ive been. ive been thinking.#aum. ultimately i just think.#like launchpad was a place for sol that was . place where he was demeaned abused exploited endangered and used#but he needed a place like that. so badly . really it was like. what else did he have.? the lightkeepers?#sol needed a place that would tell him he had a family . and thats what launchpad was!#launchpad is. if youre smart and talented and hardworking and brave enough then people will love and respect you. and you can belong.#and even if it was conditional sol needed a promise like that so badly .... the life that he dreamed of being within his reach.#so. IDK. i just. think...... and maybe this ooc but . well its POST CANON SO I CAN DO WHATEVER TF I WANT.#i just like to imagine sol as a . like yeah he has a minus one to intelligence and hes silly and stupid and very often incomprehensible. but#like . the kind of person who radiates kindness and passion. and maybe more than anything. unwaveringly believes in you no matter what.#i think. sol is very much a person who . on some level recognises the things he lacked in his life and compensates for it by extending that#to others. loudly and proudly shouting all the time. i want to care for you protect you help you believe in you support you and love you#:-) so. despite him being a . real hot mess. i think he would be a good teacher. even if he does for some reason spend a month teaching#his martial arts class how to cook a mean pasta.#(and not even mentioning sol travelling over bahumia to find kids like him who didnt are in bad situations and need a place where they can#be kids. and extending them a hand ... giving them a home and a space to just fuck around and make silly pots instead of fghting to survive)#ahem . ahem ahem. but WHATEVER#anyway if this is ooc i dont care because . thog dont caare .#this is post canon and this is a sandbox for me to do my silly little tag-yapping
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Seungmin saying they changed song by so it would be easier for people to watch and listen and then me seeing people going "Yes! It's good it's on tiktok and shorts now" and I'm like. Oh. You're all so fucking stupid <3
#half the videos were 10 minutes long#and i say this as an ADHD HAVER MYSELF#if you cant watch something that inst filled with bright colours yelling and childish humour#or a fucking tiktok length#like. well I have nothing to say to you actually highly doubtful you'd even read this far tbh 👍#like we'll never get anything more earnest and serious from skz again if things keep going this way#like the fact these no attention span people keep being catered too is so........... No#same with the songs- I complained about the songs all being fucking 2 minutes 20 seconds#like we all know its b/c of ig reels tiktok and yt shorts we all know this but Fuck who cares lets just go along i guess#i don't think people should watch stuff they are not interested in. i really don't.#but the amount of comments i read on those videos that were just so Nothing#no thought at all#idk like maybe try to listen to what hes saying and formulate anything outside of 'Omg best vocal best visual how many international fans?!#yk what i mean?#you bothered to watch it how about using your brain a little#also makes his whole Im Trying To Get A Moment in all the codes lowkey like.... yeah you pretty much do have to do that huh#like. they cant have down days or quiet days. Just be on all the time and be acting and funny all the time b/c thats all anyone wants-#so cool#there's no room for earnestness. no room for being a little thoughtful and serious. nuh uh#hopefully he does go back to explaining his thoughts after the tour but tbh I dont have a lot of hope for that :)
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the absolute character assasination of mack and brady in teen beach movie 2 was so fucking crazy
#the retcon that mack n brady met because of wet side story? bullshit !!!!#they met bc mack lives in a Surfboad shop and brady Surfs. thats it. why did they change it for the film being the CRUX of wht they date#THE MOVIE LELA QUEEN OF THE BEACH ALSO LITERALLY DOEANT RLLY MAKE SENSE WITHOUT IT SIDE STORY EXISTING.#cause like. on one hand slay queen go off make ur movie your own but also like. the entire point of the biker/surfer aes only came together#bc of the CONFLICT of the bikers and surfers and if anything lela queen of the beach works better as a hit sequel to wet side story that#blew the fuck up and became a cult classic#ALSO???? brady building surfboards....... but hes no working with macks gpa to buid surfboards?????????? CRAZY WORK.#i KNOWW its bc disney couldnt afford the gpa actor for the sequel but like. what the fuck man. thetes literally 2 characters that make the#boards just fucking.. PUT THEM TOGETHER. ONLY HAVE HIM SAY “yeah mack ive working with your grandpa lately” THATS IT !!!!!!!!!#ypu can keep him cagey abt the surfboard hes making or whatever#AND ANOTHER THING WHY DID THEY DEFACE MACKS FAMILY HEIRLOOMMMMMMMMMM#OH MY GODDDDDDD U HATED THATTTTTTT#brady what did they do to you......massacred him...........#has his fucking.... singing gear (why does he sing now. yes ik aeare its bc disney wanted to market off of ross lynch singing.) in an open#patio with no walls windchimes swanging and tv on bros mic quality must be fucking SHIT#thay also made tanner austistic as hell which i found pretty funny but irritatingwhen he didnt want to go in the water after lela in the#beginning of the film. hes a fucking surfer. why would. why would he be hesitant of going in the WATER.#mack was not as affected in the character assasinating but she felt different than the first movie i think#its bc they really pushed her into the nerd role when like. yeah she could be a nerd but did you have to make the fucking bookworm joke.#cmon man not cool shes just busy :[#the fallin for you reprise with cheechee was fun i wish we had more scenes with the side characters#chiangy.txt
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Im always thinking about the tubbo execution t.b.h.
coz like it sucked for EVERYONE but schlatt and wilbur, who orchestrated it. Techno realized his allies didn’t give a shit about him. Tubbo was killed traumatically. Tommy watched his best friend be murdered by a man who he thought was his ally. The crowd is various levels of shocked depending on their allegiance
#I.D.K. I’m not like a tubbohead or anything. This is purely from a techno fan lens.#Like. Techno realized that he would not be helped as he had helped them.#I think thats really when the initial wither thing became an Idea„ if not the absolute final choice.#I think he still had hope that they’d get rid of schlatt and then at LEAST there’d be an election or something. If not the complete#Dissolution of lmanburg as a nation.#Like he knew that nobody gave a shit if he lived or died#That his allies thought him to be a monster. But still he committed to them in the hopes that they would repay his loyalty. And they did !!#I guess !!!!! They repayed him by giving him reason to start killing !!!#Ughghgh.#Just. Standing on the podium with schlatt and quackity and the entire server behind his back. And stalling.#Waiying for your ALLIES to come fucking help. To make any sort of distraction. To give him an out or smt.#And they don’t. Nobody does antthing. Techno is fully fucking alone !!!!#I think its like magical.#Such a defining moment for him.#No matter how much I give and give and give I cannot expect kindness in return so I have to stop being taken advantage of !!!! Only other#Thing I know how to do is massacre. So I guess thats what we’re doing now.#Its so fundamental to his character that he is extremely giving and also completely unwilling to take shit after the first wither event.#I call it the first wither event because I can’t remember the cannon name.#The festival ? Shrugggg.#rat.op.tag#technoblade#rat.techno.tag#ander stop writing the entire post in the tags challenge.#Its just EASIERR.
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the physical therapist after listening to me describe my pain as a rock stuck in my neck instead of "dull" or "sharp" : okay... and on a scale of 1-10 how would you rate this pain?
my autistic ass who just described my muscle pain from a concussion with a metaphor: a 5 or maybe a 7... POINT FIVE.
the physical therapist: .....
#like what the hell does anyof that mean#what is sharp pain#i dont fucking get it#im used to pretending to get it though but i just had a therapy appointment right before#about masking my autism and lying to people that i understand things they are saying#even though i dont understand#so i just sat there in silence after a lot of her questions about describing my pain#because i was really trying o describe it honestly in the terms provided#but i still dont get it...#what is the difference between dull or achy#i just said its uncomfortable#and when i lay down to sleep it feels like my bones arent aligned correctly#and when the pt looked at me without saying anything after that#i realized thats not how im supposed to describe it#so i kept yapping using different metaphors and shit#yes the rock in my neck one#fucking WHATEVER#anyways she starting feeling around my neck#and was like#your muscles are so sore and tender!!! you will have to come in more often than i thought. twice a week and we should do dry needling#i was like oh ok
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people love to use ffxiii’s messy development as a reason to completely shit on the game but honestly the fact they managed to sneak in so many little details in the gameplay in a way that reflects the characters and story despite all the miscommunication between the dev sections is just impressive to me
#was xiii horribly planned out and missed out on a lot of important feedback because of the poor time management? absolutely#does that mean you cant be impressed with what the game achieved regardless of whether you liked it or not? fuck no#also the fact theres next to no bugs (not counting the pc port because... yeah) is amazing all things considered#and the graphics still hold up to this day#the linearity is everyones main issue with the game but look at x dude#x was linear as hell too but it makes sense bc yuna had a pilgrimage to follow#just as how it makes sense for the xiii cast to not have time to stop and explore cocoon while they were being hunted by the government#thats why you have so much more freedom to explore when youre on pulse#theres not even anything objectively wrong with having a game be linear in the first place#and the people complaining about the story being ''incoherent'' are just... wrong?#they give you enough hints within the dialogue to piece the story together yourself while also not leaning on exposition dumps to tell it#and if you cant do that then the datalogs are right THERE#games have relied on ''notes'' to tell parts of their story for ages now and i dont understand why its suddenly bad when xiii does it#i dont like sitting through exposition dumps and i like being able to analyse and theorize about a plot WHILE im experiencing it#and a lot of other people feel the same way so its not an objectively bad aspect of the game's storytelling#you just need to pay attention and be patient and wait for the story to unfold#i went off the rails but ANYWAY#aki stfu#final fantasy xiii
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you know it's bad when tumblr's being the more mature social media site when it comes to rancid takes on izzy's death
#ofmd#holy shit twitter's devolved into a battleground#what is WRONG with yall involving david jenkins in your beef#you dont have to like what happened but#how many fucking years in fandom does it take for people to learn to be civil#and not base their entire identities around characters so if anything happens to them it's a personal attack#that they then take straight to the creator#if a character dying causes you that much distress then that's a You problem and david fucking jenkins is not responsible#and he's not your therapist#and besides. just because something happened you didnt like doesnt mean it was a bad writing choice#but even if it were. you never have the right to make it anyone else's problem#i cant imagine having the gall#don't do this guys. the cast and crew are so lovely to us. don't make them stop interacting with us#people saying this show was a comfort show. or a safe space show or whatever. thats great for you#but it's not djenk's responsibility to cater to you and not his problem if the show doesn't meet your infinitely high expectations#he's telling a story. things will happen in those stories.#and it's actually p rare on tv that creators are getting to tell the story the way they want so personally im grateful#if you don't like his vision then don't watch it. you don't have the right to bully him. seriously whats wrong with you#cause yeah im sure con o'neill would love what youre doing huh#the fate of a fictional character is sliiiiiightly less important than being kind to people in the real world yknow#only tagging this so people can block for spoilers
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#grief is such a fucking pain man#the way it just. is until it isn't#the way that when the ball hits the button there's nothing you can do#like. I was having a perfectly nice evening#& now I’m sitting in the tub working very diligently not to cry about my lizard that died 4 months ago#bc I saw a reddit post about someone else's lizard#& it's like!!!!#it's so hard because it's not dysfunctional#it's not something you need to get over#it just Is#& ive been through this process before & I know how it works#but it's still like. annoying. almost.#on top of the other pain#bc it hits you so out of nowhere & with absolutely no regard for your feelings at the moment#it doesn't matter what you were thinking or feeling before. now it's Grief & thats all there is#& it does really help that it's universal. that everyone experiences this to some degree at least once in their life#& I know i'll experience it Way Way Worse in the future (bc all ive had up to this point is pet death)#but man.#I didn't want to be crying right now#I didn't want to ffeel it so heavy in my chest I didn't want to be reminded I have so little control over it#but. to love anything is to one day feel like this#& we are all holding hands & feeling it together#so that's nice#vent
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im not unemployed but im self employed and thats basically the same thing
#ic#i dont really get paid for my nss duties so i guess thats not technically employment either#but it sure is a job#//jkfdlajkfla CAPTAIN WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE IF CRAIG DOESN'T FUCKING PAY YOU HIS GRANDDAUGHTERS ARE *RICH*#//actually i wonder if he Does pay four and rookie (eight like both Is and Isn't an official agent it's complicated but she also like.#// has a full time job.) and he just doesn't say anything about it to captain. would that be fucked up or what#//captain's like 'hey four how can you afford to live on your own and all this shit if you don't have a job'#//and he's like 'what i do have a job? i'm an agent?'#//'yeah but we don't get paid?'#//'what do you mean you're not getting paid?'#//'what do you mean YOU'RE getting paid????'
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just finished s2 of kaiji and it was good i really liked it but i hope i never see that fuckass pachinko machine again!!!
#i started ep 15 assuming hey the climactic battle against the swamp of despair is probably gonna be like 6 episodes max right#bc the op has hyoudou and roulette so there's a third game on the way#and from about the fourth episode on i kept going man it's gotta end next episode right they can't have That much more they can do with it#TWELVE EPISODES OF ONE GAME OF PACHINKO. YOU'RE JOKING#and watching it animated is one thing but im surprised fans of the manga didnt string him up in the street for this#im not joking i sunk cost fallacied my way through the entire thing in one sitting it was so much fucking pachinko#and spoilers spoilers spoilers but the BUILDING??? the BUILDING. jumping the shark a Little there to be so fr with you all#head in my hands kaiji i love you your life is ridiculous. the last episode having him blow his meager winnings on pachinko like the day#after was insane to me HAVENT YOU HAD ENOUGH???? I CERTAINLY HAVE#augh and like. guhh hes so nice hes such a nice protagonist im. in love with him a little bit#i do wish he was a Little more tempted by the money bc i liked that component earlier on#ah actually i think the main object of the fights becoming Figuring Out How To Out-Cheat The Enemy was less cool#don't get me wrong it was fun but i Really liked the more raw nobody knows whats going on vibes of the first two#and the group dynamics of rrps and the human derby were so delicious to me. also i wish s2 had more torture implements#the cheating thing makes sense progression-wise it's just a preference thing. the human derby hit me insanely hard#so it's kind of hard for anything to compete after that y'know?#actually very happy kaiji is still addicted to gambling at the end. like it's a happy ending bc he's debt free but like. he's not gonna#stay that way. and maybe thats a weird thing to be happy about but i think it's a choice that makes sense#he's got no reason to give it up and has become emotionally dependent on it. the series' concern w gambling as inherently self-destructive#and its sympathy towards ppl who see it as their last hope is like. really cool and idk i think it keeps kaiji real to never let that go#ok i just looked it up and the manga does continue. my ass will be reading it for sure#so idk how faithful the anime ending is but yeah. anyway i really really liked it this was good for me like emotionally#fkmt#ive heard the next arc is mahjong which is sick bc i like 80% know how mahjong works from yakuza#maybe this will help me grasp the final 20% (<- should just look up the rules or something)#what else. right i think it's funny that there's like 2 women total. The most allergic to women series ive ever seen and thats Impressive#the 2nd op is comedically cheeks like just Bad. very fun recognizing the band from the shitass 1st h.xh ed#im like 95% sure hidenari ugaki plays a side character in an episode but it's not listed on his behind the VAs so. alas.#2nd ed is fun bc while i Hate the trope it's doing i love seeing kaiji being put in Situations (clearly)#anyway. it's really good you guys should watch kaiji
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hmmmm..... i think I'm gonna be a little more strict on my followers/following rules mayhaps. just a little. I did update them by the way... just a bit.
#( ooc )#( tbd )#i don't wanna be a negative nelly or a complainer or anything but if you're following me please do try to interact. no sense in following a#all in that case if you have no intention of doing so / aren't actually interested (?) yk yk#I always come back to tumblr then I always dip because the community is just SO quiet and keeps to themselves and it can be so isolating#and I feel as though many (if not most) people do experience that as well and its ! such a shame honestly#not to be like 'baCK IN MY DAY' but dang bro back in my day we just capslocked and yelled and keysmashed to our hearts content if we were#mutuals on like anything and everything#fuck it lets bring back giant gifs while we're at it why are yall so shy !!#if I'm following you and you're following me!! I wanna interact with you!! I wanna write and chat and talk characters and world build with#you!! I know I'm not exactly the best example of Activity(tm) in the rpc but WOOF baby what the fucky wucky is goin on here#all that being said if im following you I absolutely will comment and like and interact with your shit and I'm both so not sorry and sorry#if thats ?? excessive ? god idek anymore bro how does one tumblr correctly
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i love you jiang yanli shes like an oc to me. she got fridged in the book so now i get to say anything i want about her and no one can prove me wrong because she barely gets any agency in canon so we dont know WHAT shed do given the chance
#my thots#thats it thats the post#i just love her. im thinking of her always#<333#shes my baby girl guys. i think she should have lived and i think she should have thriving relationships with other women#and i think she should be allowed to be mad at people and feel betrayed and be mad about that and she should be allowed to be ugly and jeal#jealous and imperfect and yell sometimes#and she should be allowed to be an imperfect mother#i think she should be allowed to be fairly strict when parenting for real she should have kind of high standards#like jin ling has to really give his all to anything he wants to do and if he doesnt full ass every part shes like why are you even doing#this. a-ling do you really care be honest.#and if he doesnt thats fine its just nothing is ever casual when jiang yanli is involved#modern au where yanli has a teenage rebellion phase and runs away from home for a month and when she comes back#her mother is like. yeah thats what i thought you little bitch and yanli just says oh fuck you too.#and yu ziyuan is like damn i see how it is. i see your game okay#and after that yanli has an allowance now she didnt previously but now she does#i can argue this btw in terms of like where im getting this characterization specifically for madam yu moreso than for yanli#but anyway. i love them both thats it
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#im such a private person irl and for what like what purpose does this serve#all it does is distance me from people and keep me from making deep deep connections i know that very well#its just the act of opening up and being vulnerable especially when people aren’t groveling for me to open up is so unimaginable and#horrible#why do i do this like why i rlly dont want to share anything abt myself i just wanna know everything abt everyone while not sharing#anything abt myself#and then at the same time i am feel deeply disconnected and not understood and not known by anyone in my life except my mom#which im grateful for at least i have her but why cant i be that same way with friends i have literally had for 20+ years#i know i have to open up unprompted like without someone begging me to do so or its just gonna get worse and worse#but at the same time if there is this friend and shes curious idk theres just a million different things running through my head and im#just not ever a 100% honest or genuine with them#i guess in a way i also want to be seen in a certain light and as a certain someone and i do try to preserve an image of sorts even though#thats ridiculous to do with your fucking friends idk i guess im pretentious as shit?#i dont even know anymore#more than anything its like often when i share sth that was hard for me to open up abt i feel like ppl dont treat that with care or at#least havent in the past#and i rlly rlly hated that a lot and just i dont know#i told my mom some of the things my friends have said to me which has upset me and she was it sounds like they dont know you at all#and then she said but can i tell you that this is your own fault#and im like. i know. whag are they supposed to do#idk why am i like this what purpose does this serve omg id love to spend a day as an oversharer irl just to get a glimpse of what its like#i know this sounds odd bcs me online is just pure word vomit but thats probably also overcompensation cause i dont share these things with#my friends aka the ppl who i should actually be talking to#anyways
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