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Echo, baby, this is why we love you
Probably my favorite line in the finale, it's so simple but so powerful coming from him. Honestly kinda amazing that we got such a nice full-circle wrap up to his cross-series arc (especially after he was sidelined all season)
I was sad about not seeing as much of him when he left the Batch in season 2 of course, but I could never be mad because it was a choice that just made so much sense for his character. Seeing him fighting alongside Rex, rescuing Howzer, freeing all the clones in Tantiss, it’s just so clearly where he belongs. He’s been through so much and he’ll never stop fighting for his brothers
#echo you've come so far i'm cryingggg#the finale did a pretty good job of balancing all the characters imo#they each got their moments#wish i could say the same for the whole season#like i'm obviously biased but the show was just so much better every time he was actually there lol#tbb echo#arch trooper echo#clone wars#the bad batch#tbb season 3#tbb spoilers#tcw#gifset#ignore the mismatched gif styles#i did my best lol#but if anyone knows a gif maker that won't crash my computer to hell like giphy i'm all ears
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Day 7 - I love you
i cried multiple times while drawing this q///q) even now my eyes are still teary asdlkjfhskdh////// god... I love them sm.... thank you @htsan/@sansxyouweek for hosting this wonderful event!!! my heart screamed and break danced so much during it!!
thank you for everyone who enjoyed my drawings during this week!! Q///Q) ♥
#undertale#sans#undertale sans#underswap#underswap sans#underfell#underfell sans#horrortale#horrortale sans#oc#han#oc x canon#sansxyouweek2023#sans x you#han x skellie#I've never been this incredibly self-indulgent as this in my life#even my sister screamed when she saw this#she was like OMG HAN?!?!!???? i can't believe you drew this!!! WOW YOU'VE COME SO FAR IN DRAWING YOURSELF WITH THE SKELLIES!!#i kid you not i had to take a lil break in the middle bc i couldn't see the screen from my tears#my god#i'm#tearing up rn again#i know the skellies are fictional#but my god have loving them done wonders to me#they've helped me during some of the worst times in my life#and they still continue to help me#they're so so precious and dear to me#i love them so much#GOD AAAAAAAHHHHH#I CAN'T STOP SNIFFLING ASDHGDHGALDKFJ
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totally normal about the 'wedding?' response continuing to evolve even though it's only been 5 shows. at this point i'm convinced the grand plan behind tit is to convince dan via exposure therapy that he's allowed to want to get married
#going from being afraid of commitment and anti-traditional to not doing it because of spite and pettiness about peoples' expectations...#it's not weak to want it dan. you dont 'lose' simply bc our desire for you comes true#the only reason we *want* it is bc we want you to be happy#and while yes thats tied up in tradition for a lot of us. and theres a lot to unpack there about society and norms and whatnot.#it's rooted in this deep want for you to get your happy ending. and while life doesnt *end* after marraige.#it's a hell of a fuck you to everyone who thought you couldnt make it. it's a hell of a fuck yeah as a celebration of how far you've come#it means the walls you built to keep yourself safe. that maybe have started to feel claustrophobic these past 5 years. can come down.#idk. its up to you to decide.#imo it all comes back to that same thing. dan wants something. but he cant have it bc what will society say about him for wanting it?#so he has to play it down and partake in this convoluted dance to say he doesnt want it thatd be ridiculous#and then folds anyway. bc denial only lasts so long when desire is strong. and it feels like he should be punished for liking it#yk how wad was about carving the words into his head that we get to live? this is like him hearing over and over we want good things for him#titspoilers#dnp#c.text#dan and phil#phan#dnptit
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you win this time
it's essentially just a sequel to this. inked traditionally with a gpen and scanned it to color digitally
closeups/og inks below keep reading
#artwork#hsr fanart#hsr#doodle#honkai star rail#illustration#yunli#hsr yunli#yanqing#hsr yanqing#yunqing#yunli x yanqing#yanqing x yunli#gotta love em. it's crazy how they kind of singlehandedly pulled me out of artblock#it's not even a shipping thing#it's just that their dynamic sparks joy in my brain somewhere#she was Not Happy that she had to give the sword back#but grandpa huaiyan said so so she had to acquiesce#side note who has been gatekeeping g pens from me all these years wtf???#dip pens may be kind of annoying to use but like#the line variance that comes with the flexible nibs is SO good#haven't tried the saji or mapping nibs and tbh i don't think i'm gonna because i like working with nibs that respond to pressure#but gah dam#this blows my stylo and kakuno out of the water#i also love that the ink is waterproof#watercolor stuff coming soon maybe#well not on this acc because i don't post trad art stuff here#if you've read this far in the tags my sketchdump account is @ihadsomejays on instagram#that's mostly where i post my real sketchbook but it's also shitposts#ok this is enough tags i'm going back to the dungeon
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your art is absolutely amazing
i just went thru all of the poorly drawn mdzs and it was amazing seeing your art develop!
you just made my morning, thabkyou <3
Thank you so much for the kind words, and for cheering me on as I continue to learn!
#ask#non mdzs#digital art#I got this ask a while back during a time I was feeling down about my lack of art progress;#You inspired me to go back and actually *look* at how far I've come and it gave me a much needed boost to keep drawing B'*)#I saved this ask in my inbox so I could use it as a positive reminder that I *am* growing and changing!#But now... I have to send that appreciation back. Thank *YOU* for making my week!#I do not know much about puparia but I do think the character in your pfp is very stunning. I hope they have a happy ending!#(In general; if you've sent me a lovely message like this and i *haven't* replied; they all really do mean a lot to me!)#(I am slowly working my way through my entire ask box! I'll get it done!!! I Will!!!)
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you know i dreamed about you / for twenty-nine years before i saw you - slow show. the national
4x05 Buck Begins II 7x05 You Don't Know Me
#look how far you've come look how far you've GROWN#the quote from the national for me is both about tommy AND buck himself#both saying how he dreamed of tommy specifically#but also how he dreamed about this future - a future of finding the thing that made him the person he *could* be#and here he is finally realizing that piece of himself that was missing#that it was here all along#buck dreamed of this version of himself - joyful and light and FREE - for his whole life#and he *found it*#here in a coffee shop#across from tommy kinard#something something invisible strings#...the parallels man...#they kill me#anyways#i literally learned how to gif to make this so#baby's first gifs#thats how you know how insane they make me#otp: better ways to get your attention#bucktommy#kinkley#also on the#firepilot#firecopter#agenda#evan buckley#tommy kinard#911 abc#911 on abc#i made this!!#im so proud!!
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#sonic movie 3#sonicmovie3hype#JEFF It's so cool that things like this come full circle! moments like this brings me right back to 2005!#It all comes full circle! 🥹✨🫶🖤❤️#YOU COOKED!!!#shows how far you’ve come in your excellent career#Jeff Fowler is by far the best person for the job that SEGA could have got.#You can cook.#Stand proud.#THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU BLESS YOUR SOUL#So happy for you Jeff!#Thank for helping bringing this character to life and doing him justice#Extremely grateful! 🫶🫶🫶#MY GOAT 😭🔥🔥🔥#Ty for your service 🫡#IT ALL CAME FULL CIRCLE!!!#WE LOVE YOU JEFF <3 <3#YOU'RE THE BEST! YOU’VE ABSOLUTELY COOKED WITH THESE MOVIES#THANK YOU JEFF!!!#You've cooked with the Ultimate Lifeform himself!#Glad that you're doing him justice for this movie.#Keep on being GOAT Fowler#you guys absolutely nailed it. 🖤❤️#He looks GORGEOUS#the sheer power Shadow the Hedgehog exudes on society even to this day is incredible#Thank you for all that you do.#We don’t deserve you.#YOU DID US FANS JUSTICE!! 😭#Nailed it man!#GOATED 🫡 A LEGEND
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Growth isn’t always constant. Relapses happen. It doesn’t erase all your success.
#growth#personal growth#self improvement#progress#development#recovery#healing#relapse#setbacks#struggle#resilience#perseverance#keep going#you've come so far#how far you've come#progress not perfection#baby steps#celebrate small wins#it's okay#forgiveness#self-compassion#self-love
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#iirc the datv embargo lifts in a few hours time#its exciting for sure!! ◕‿◕#(theres some good info out there about what u can expect etc)#everyones level of comfort/preference for spoilers or what they consider/dont consider spoilers or do/dont want to see beforehand#is different and thats valid#for me rn my pref is not seeing much more of the game than i have so far so i will probably not be watching/reading most of those bits of#coverage which are described as 'spoilery' due to this#im just at a stage personally where in the main the last thing I'd like to see now is just a good look at the CC and the CC options#and then just any of the more 'generic' stuff like any new official screenshots that get tweeted or if theres one more trailer or something#(know what i mean? maybe generic is the wrong word but like vague or general or something). and thats about it#so if i'm quieter on here or not postin about sth new that you've seen or focusing more on less-new stuff like V&V eps i didnt get a chance#to listen to yet or i dont know the answer to something etc thats why ^^#i've turned off asks and submit as well jic#sry for any inconvenience caused by that and for not following/posting everything in the coming weeks hh!!#its like a push and pull between wanting to be hyped with everyone/overanalyze every new crumb/wanting my blog to be useful and#not wanting to know much more about the game besides CC than i do atm hh#ultimately we will only get to go into this game and play this game for for the first time once so yea :D#(and in case it helps to know for your own curation purposes my datv spoilers tag is 'dragon age the veilguard spoilers'!!)#mj and the world
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Thalergy
The opposite of Thanergy (AKA “Death Energy”) in the Locked Tomb series by Tamsyn Muir.
So you say, “ok so it’s just life energy?” to which you are mostly correct. Thalergy is exactly that but what’s interesting about this to me (and soon to you all as well I imagine) is the etymology of thalergy!
The etymology?
The Etymology.
Thanergy as death energy derives its name from Thanatos, the greek god of death (technically the personified spirit of non-violent death but modern perception of the name is usually edgier than that lol). So it would be normal for those unfamiliar with the myriad of divinities within the Hellenistic pantheon to justly assume the ‘thal–’ in ‘thalergy’ comes from an opposite divinity of Thanatos that was a personified spirit of life. Except that doesn’t exist. Reading the first two books I knew that thalergy as a word wasn’t derived from any greek or roman words meaning “life” but I didn’t really dig any deeper on where it did come from because I didn’t think it was overly important. I Was Incorrect.
Because you see, the context for me to really connect the dots had gone over my head up until I had read Nona the Ninth. (I recall some meta posts pointing out that the Themes™ had in fact been present in the previous books just less obvious.)
What Themes? And Who The Fuck Is Thalergy Named For??
Thalassa.
Primordial Goddess Of The Motherfucking SEA!!!!
So yeah! Remember all those posts talking about the importance of all the themes regarding the sea/ocean in the Locked Tomb series? Yeah so here’s more fuel for that lmao
Edit 11/20/2022: also many people have brought up other examples like Thalia (the muse of Festivity whose name also means blooming) as another more direct connection to life and @adurna0 who actually speaks Greek has pointed out that thaleros is in fact a word that means "lively" so even if the Thalassa connection is a thing it is more likely a double meaning than the lone one.
#the locked tomb#gideon the ninth#harrow the ninth#nona the ninth#nona the ninth spoilers#ntn spoilers#Thalergy#Thanergy#Alecto The Ninth#Tamsyn Muir#You fuckin genius I swear#Thalassa#It fucking would be the Ocean too#Also I legit did not fucking have this realization until I was halfway through typing the tags on literally my last post on this blog#But like AHHHHHHH#the fact that even a myriad later the name of the sea still rests on the tongues of people that have never once laid eyes upon her#OOGH#Also if you've come this far never expect TLT meta from me ever again#I'm not saying it'll never happen but the odds are low#I barely even reblog TLT stuff to this blog cuz I'm too lazy to tag spoilers lmao
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Part 1: what's lost can be found
"She won't make a sound, alone in this fight with herself and the fears whispering if she stands she'll fall down. She wants to be found, the only way out is through everything she's running from wants to give up and lie down. So stand in the rain, stand your ground. Stand up when it's all crashing down. You stand through the pain, you won't drown. And one day, what's lost can be found." -Stand in the Rain by Superchick
Regent Masterlist Part 2
The decayed ghost siren echoed through the abandoned streets of Amity Park's Witching Hours. Its residents were well acquainted with what that sound meant, fear and exasperation a potent (strange) mix to keep them tucked in their homes, their beds, as the Fentonworks building seemed to come alive.
Of course, figuratively speaking.
(Nothing was truly alive there anymore.)
Jasmine Fenton had just arrived back from the Infinite Realms, muscles pleasantly sore from training with Pandora and very much looking forward to hugging her little brother before he begun his nightly patrol. The siren caught her attention before she’d stepped fully out of her portal, dread filling her gut like a rock dropped into a lake.
Oh no.
Team Phantom were young, no one could ever argue that, with some scars to show for all their battles to protect Amity from those that would claim their haunt- but no one outside the team understood just how paranoid they’d become since Pariah Dark and Dark Dan
The contingencies had begun when Jazz started to remember bits and pieces of a timeline that Danny himself had erased using the reality gauntlet. He’d never told anyone of what had happened, with Freakshow’s plan to make himself ‘ringmaster of all reality’ and all, but Jazz had somehow recalled flashes of sheer panic at watching her little brother accidentally reveal himself as Phantom on live tv, in the Fentonworks kitchen on that little box set. The white rings of light that emerged from his core to switch from half-alive to half-dead and vice versa damned him.
The elder fentons had gone on the offense immediately, Jack’s screech of ghost! Echoing in the house and they raced down to the lab to get whatever latest weapon they’d built to capture Phantom.
It didn’t matter that their son was dead, that he had died, that their ‘greatest work’ was Danny’s grave. That Jasmine was…well, she wasn’t entirely human anymore, not when she turned on her heel to follow her progenitors down down down into the darkness, sword tightly grasped in hand as her teal eyes glowed a sickly green.
She hadn’t hesitated then, to protect her little brother. One slash, two, three
Danny hadn’t known she killed their parents in that timeline. She would never tell him.
She would never tell him how they hadn’t even noticed her presence, her ever loyal weapon Faithkeeper about to take their lives, how she hadn’t even needed to summon her armor. She would never tell him how they begged for their lives, not to protect their children, but to kill the ghostly menace.
Danny never knew she’d dumped their corpses in the landfill.
(Right where they belonged.)
WIth the rewrite of the timeline, reset to the same day of the ill-fated Humpty Dumpty concert, Jack and Maddy Fenton’s deaths were undone, but not the blood on Jasmine’s hands.
With Danny’s defeat of Pariah Dark, came another revelation.
Jasmine was still mostly alive. Somehow she’d survived her childhood, but Danny hadn’t. She’d looked away for five minutes, forgotten to lock the lab after their parents left and he’d died for it.
With the weight of being schrodinger’s hero, could her little brother withstand becoming king of the infinite realms?
Perhaps not while he was still learning, still gaining his own grip on his strange existence. In time, he would become a great king- one of mercy and benevolence, but he still had a long ways to go.
Jasmine had borrowed ancient ghost law books from Ghostwriter and locked herself away for three days, cycling between crying for her and Danny, reading through the complicated laws of ye olden times, and writing down her findings- just in case another reality rewrite was due.
Jasmine had accepted Regency on Danny’s behalf with a grace she didn’t know she possessed.
It had been a small ceremony, with Danny and his friends present and Pandora, Jasmine’s mentor, acting as sentry as she accepted the Crown of Fire. She knew it was a long road till she could pass it down to its rightful owner, but Jasmine was prepared to shoulder the burden for her little brother.
Pandora had simply laid one of her many hands on Jasmine’s shoulder with a solemn air, in understanding. There was work to be done before any of them could have peace. (Not even the afterlife was safe from paperwork.)
Her favorite journal contained the scraps of her hope and dreams bound in maroon leather, soft with age and imprinted with every emotion Jazz had unwittingly (and later knowingly) poured into every word.
Its pages were a kaleidoscope of her life.
Sure, it began with the soft tinge of curiosity-exasperation-fondness, some sentiment of better times before her progenitors began working on that damned portal, constructing the future grave of their son without the slightest clue.
The emotions began turning a darker turn when the work turned into an obsession. Jazz had plunged into her schoolwork and part-time jobs to afford whatever was needed for the siblings to survive, fondness becoming slowly poisoned by anger. Anger for the portal. Anger for the food other kids had, that they didn’t have to work so hard for. Anger that she knew what starving felt like.
Anger that she was so weak.
Then the day of Danny’s death.
The darkest part of her history, the last embers of her hopes and dreams, of the siblings escaping smothered. Danny’s death scream forever etched into her brain.
(It should’ve been her.)
She hated those pages of her journal, the emotions of grief-anger on her tongue, but she couldn’t bring herself to rip them out. No more than she could destroy the confessions of protect-rage-grief, the confessions of the darker timeline she shouldn’t remember.
On very last page was the contingency plan Jazz herself had created.
Code Graverobber.
That siren wasn’t any ordinary ghost siren, no, it was the one Tucker had programmed himself- it was the quickest way to alert every member of Team Phantom and Tucker had made sure that none of them could mistake it for a Fenton ghost alarm. No, Code Graverobber was in effect.
Phantom had been captured by the elder Fentons.
(Fate has a way of setting itself right.) (Death wants its due.) With a bleeding, sobbing and vivisected Danny cradled in her arms, Jazz left Amity Park behind for what she prayed to the Ancients was forever. The Fentons died that night, though the official records would claim they were killed in a explosion due to the highly unstable inventions they created, taking the lives of their children as well. No one really dug around in the wreckage of Fentonworks, not for the bodies of the family within, with the chance of another explosion happening should rubble be shifted the wrong way.
Jack and Maddie Fenton died..
But Jasmine and Danny Nightingale lived on, in Gotham City.
The last of those three days she spent locked in her room, Jasmine wrote a letter to a future version of herself, tucked inside one of her favorite books now lost in the destruction of Fentonworks. To my future self, Forget me in your happiness. Love, your past
A/N: BEHOLD!
Ahem. This is the original chapter 1 that I never finished or published. It's not my favorite or my best, but I unburied it for the 300 milestones. Thanks for reading!
#dp x dc#dpxdc#dp x dc au#dc x dp crossover#jazz fenton#regent!jazz#hardcover ship#the original first chapter has been revealed#sarcasm celebrates 300 followers#this was made during the witching hours#I fell asleep afterwards to the soothing narrator of forensic files#am i kidding you tell me#if you've read the tags this far#then guess what's coming to AO3#surprise!#a reward for reading my rambling tags has been unlocked#if you guessed me with Regent content like a cat dropping a dead bird on your doorstep#then you would be 100% correct#behold new regent lore just dropped
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I'm gonna spoil an idea I have for a fic, because it may never actually be written.
This idea works from the theory that Skully is actually from the past and might even be a spirit (or ghost) himself that somehow was sucked into the book either when he was alive and 16, and the contents and world as well as time of the book are anamolous. Or that Skully had died years prior, his soul tied itself to the book, and his conciousness was "awakened" with new visitors being sucked into the book that his soul is presumably trapped in.
I re-watched Anohana recently and have recieved visions of Skully acting in the place of Menma. Skully himself is unaware of how much time as actually passed since his arrival in the world ov TNBC, and upon meeting the others assumes they're all from the same time, namely, his time. It would explain why he uses "wagahai" as a self-refferential pronoun (it is unused in modern day and is considered an archaic way of speaking), why he doesn't recognize Malleus' name or who he is, why he doesn't know of the magic stones that mages use now (since it's been said that magic stones weren't always around and had been introduced fairly late into Twisted Wonderland's history) and why his ideas of Halloween are very survival-based, and less leisurely like it is in modern times. Jack Skellington could very well have existed in Twisted Wonderland, but has been forgotten and lost to time. (Probably because his story and very existence deals with alternate worlds)
Anyway. Yuu and co. eventually realize that Skully is not from the same time that they are. This is where my direection for the fic gets a little wonky:
When completing the story of TNBC and the event is over, Skully still lingers. So now it's up to Yuu to grant his wish so he can go to the afterlife and reincarnate.
It is still during the event that Yuu tries to grant Skully's wish, hoping to placate him out of his plans in the process. So now Yuu, Grim, and Jack (essentially the kidnapped trio) attempt to get him to move on from his plans, celebrate Halloween, and get his soul to leave the book.
#twisted wonderland#twst#disney twisted wonderland#twst spoilers#twst skully#skully j graves#man my blog tags are hard to remember#I think this post fits under the category of?#A King's Contemplation#Phantom's Lapidary#AHAHAHA IF YOU'VE MADE IT THIS FAR IN THE TAGS YOU GET TO READ:#skully angst haha i'm making him sad and pathetic#Skully thinks his wish is to celebrate Halloween the “proper way” and share (force) it with others#See! His Halloween is the correct one! Jack agrees! Now come here and celebrate with him. Forever#but his ACTUAL wish is to have friends#Friends to celebrate Halloween with. Friends who will listen to him. Friends that don't ostracize him. Friends like Yuu and Grim#Sure. Celebrating Halloween with Jack would be a close second wish but I don't want to reward his obsessive behaviour#so friendless loser who craves acceptance but deceives himself with delusions of “proper” happiness and loses himself in the process it is
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man i wish i could mute notifications from specific posts here on tumblr. my dunmeshi fanarts are literally eating up my notifications tab and it's impossible to see if people have left nice notes on other posts, which was genuinely the best thing about this app. on top of that, since the anime is basically mainstream, it's also impossible to read notes from people who are insane about it and which i would want to read if i wasn't fed up.
#petty complaint from someone with a big follower count i know#but if you've been following me for a while you know i've never asked for this#i don't want to be known just because i drew the popular ship of the moment#(and it's already happened so i can't change it)#and don't get me wrong i LOVE everything about falin and marcille#but i think my point comes across right?#anyway. i love you if you've read this far. thank you for your time and support. have an amazing day <3
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wild to me to see posts like "wow everything in the tempest is named after shakespeare...emet you melodramatic bitch you sure loved theater". because the prospero-emet thing gets played up so hard in the english script and you can carry it so far!
like prospero is an asshole magician who, after being deposed by his brother as duke of milan, settles himself and his daughter on a remote island, enslaves the local spirits using his magic, and bitterly plots to reclaim his past glories. he rules through violence and deceit, and only survives and is reconciled when his plots reach their fruition and his brother is taken to his remote island and plots ensue and everyone decides he was totally right all along and they were huge dicks to him and they're sooooo sorry and he gets to go back and be duke again wow! and it's okay because he's like "i was only doing mean magic to get my rightful spot back and now i'm giving it up because magic is evil. :)"
the tempest is what emet wants his life to be. prospero is not a villain in the text of the tempest. he is barely treated as antagonistic by the text and framing of the play itself. all his abuses, his neglect and control of his daughter, his enslavement of caliban and ariel (local spirits/monsters/people of the island), his deception and plots against his brother, his abuse of magical powers (not awesome, from the pov of the contemporary audience), all that ultimately gets swept aside in the rightness of his return to milan and the warm feeling of the world being set to rights. prospero can't undo the years he spent on the island but they are ultimately a blip in his life before he returns to the rightful state of affairs. his abuse and enslavement of caliban, easily the worst thing he does in the play, is totally set aside when caliban goes "wow now i see how truly benevolent my master is. i love him and see the ways of christian good and i'm so, so appreciative he chose not to kill or beat me even though he totally could have and would have been in the right. he's so just and intelligent." everyone loves and forgives him and they all agree both his management of the island and his ultimate return are so good and so wise and so right.
emet comparing himself to the tempest (or being compared to it, depending on how you want to read the diegetic status of the place names) is absolute wishcasting. it is an attempt to manifest the happy ending he will never, ever get because his sins cannot and would not be forgiven in the way he wants. he wants to imagine himself as the righteous returned duke whose crimes, including the enslavement, abuse, and exploitation of those he saw as his rightful inferiors, were totally worth it, i promise. and if emet is prospero, the warrior of light is his caliban.
#emet-selch#ffxiv#hades#shadowbringers spoilers#like by the time you get to the end you've already spoken to the amaurotine shades and hythlodaeus in particular#it's incredibly clear that even if emet's plans come to fruition he is *utterly alien to the world he is trying to restore*#and like prospero is restored in the end. but his wife is still dead. miranda grew up isolated and alone.#also to take a somewhat more jaundiced view#the things he did to caliban and to ariel can never be undone. that stain is with him forever.#and i mean even IF you can just yank all those souls right out of zodiark and fix the whole thing#there's still everyone who died before the first sacrifice and after the second. also THE VOID IS THE VOID.#'yeah uh we'll just fix that. when zodiark is up and running properly.'#sure dude i totally believe your expertise on the problem you caused by not knowing enough. you definitely know enough now.#anyways he can't waver for even a moment bc it means acknowledging he has betrayed everything he ever claimed to believe in due to his grie#he is in blood stepped so far etc. if i can be allowed to mix my shakespeares#emet-selch more like emet-sunk cost fallacy#meta: durai report
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i wanna grab qcellbit by the shoulders and shake him. something about the way he tries to separate the actions of cell from himself in a lot of ways just gets to me. “i’m not cell anymore that monster died” no he didn’t. you are cell. cell is you. he did not die. you just got better. “what did you do to get in prison? it wasn’t anything bad right?” “i mean what is bad really?” you’re undermining your own actions to tubbo and he doesn’t even know what you did in the first place. you could just say “it’s in the past, i'd rather not talk about it” but you're almost trying to justify what you've done. why? so that if he does find out he won’t think too harshly of you? so that you can feel better about it? to absolve yourself of some of that guilt?
you’re a master of deflection, just like your husband. but while his shield is humour, your switch between casual justification and shifting of blame. you don’t know how else to handle what you’ve done. your train of thought goes from “oh it’s fine it wasn’t that bad i got better we can joke about it haha” to “he was a monster and that’s not me he’s dead and he’s never coming back” amiga…. you are constantly in the midst of an identity crisis because you feel like shit over the things you’ve done. you cover up everything with a thin layer of lies and it's a miracle that some people believe everything you say at face value. the only people you’ve been genuine about this with are roier, richas, bad, and pac and bagi a little bit. you’ve slipped into some of those old habits lately. you might be killing federation workers as we speak.
you are cell. cell is you. you haven't killed the part of you that holds those impulses because to do so completely would be to kill yourself. you did those things. you've hurt people. the line you’ve shakily drawn between yourself and your actions in easily washable chalk is being sprayed by a garden hose. it's blurring.
#qsmp#qcellbit drives me fucking insane dude#you are the monster you are trying so desperately to hold back#you keep saying you've gotten better but you either deflect or lie almost every time your past comes up#the times you've been sincere about your feelings and your actions are so few and far between and with such a small handful of people#i cannot stop thinking about this fucking guy like ever#whiskeys word soup
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half way through the vampire armand, and he loves love and god and family and the world, like can't emphasis enough how his love for others is repeated to be the direct connection to his humanity
hope nothing bad happens to rock the foundations of his very being
#he loves his venetian brothers :( he loves his friends :(#he can't paint anymore cause he feels an overwhelming disconnect from god and his culture#just read the chapter where he goes back to kiev and wept the whole time#him seeing his artwork cherished by his family after being surrounded by roman catholic imagery and thinking he's a shit painter😭😭#it was him reuniting with his dad that really got to me tho#the relief and gratitude at seeing his father alive#got 1 more chapter till the roman coven comes and fucks everything around#The Vampire Armand#iwtv#armand#some of my favorite parts so far are his brothers showing him around Venice/ flashback scenes with his dad and the monks#and armand floating into the kingdom of heaven and the priest being like not yet you've got a lot of love to give
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