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storiesforallfandoms · 6 months ago

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shared trauma ~ logan howlett; marvel

word count: 3466

request?: no

description: in which she sneaks away to help them return home, and ends up bonding with the brute with knives in his hands

pairing: logan howlett x female!reader

warnings: swearing, some deadpool & wolverine spoilers, trauma bonding, wade wilson being wade wilson, a good ending

masterlist (one, two, three)

Getting out of Cassandra's compound wasn't as hard as the Others thought. Not when you shut up and played by her rules. She trusted everyone who worked under her enough to let us come and go as we pleased, mainly because she knew we were scared enough of Alioth to come back and be under her control.

The Others also weren't as hidden as they thought. At least, not from me. Lucky for them, I was the only telepath in Cassandra's army, because Johnny's mind gave away everything about the Others without even knowing I could hear him.

When it got dark and mostly everyone had turned in, I snuck out of the compound. I could see the hiding place of the Others in my head, and I knew it would take me a long time to get there on foot, but I needed to get there. There was something about these variants - this Deadpool and this Wolverine - that was different. They may be the key to my freedom from Cassandra. Maybe to all of our freedoms.

I travelled for so long that my legs burned and I felt like I was going to pass out, but I got there. Immediately I was hit with the sounds of several brains, all thinking about a plan to take down Cassandra. All except one, but it was hard to make out what was going on in that head over the wounds of everyone else. I pushed into the place, a silence falling over the room as they heard me enter. I winced with every step I took down the stairs. When I appeared in the doorway, I was greeted by a barrage of weapons.

"Whoa!" I exclaimed, putting my hands up.

"You're one of hers," Blade stated.

"I came alone," I insisted. "I...technically snuck out."

"How did you find us?" Elektra asked.

"Let's just say Johnny Storm's mind was just as loud as his mouth. Look, I'm not here to hurt you guys. I'm here because I think those two - " I nodded to Deadpool and Wolverine " - may be who we need to take Cassandra down."

"And why would you want to take down Cassandra?" Blade questioned. "She's your leader."

"Not by choice. I followed her because I knew it meant survival. But I'm telling you, I see something with those two. I'm clairvoyant as well as a telepath, and when those variants were with Cassandra I could see a fight that ended with her downfall."

The group shared a look. Well, all besides the Wolverine, who was halfway through a bottle of whiskey. He seemed to be ignoring everything going on. I realized his mind was the one I couldn't hear. It was almost like he was trying to block out any thoughts. Not because of me, but because he didn't want to have to think those things.

"We could use a clairvoyant," Elektra pointed out.

"This reading you got form us," Deadpool said. "Did you see all of us winning?"

I shook my head. "It doesn't work like that. Some scenarios aren't definitive, and some are. I saw that we'd fight her, but after that there's a number of different ways it could go. All I saw for sure was that Cassandra was taken down and everyone in the Void was finally free from her reign."

"Sounds like a shit power," Wolverine muttered.

"She could tell us how to avoid the bad paths," Elektra said.

My legs were starting to ache in a way I couldn't handle for much longer. "Can you guys make a decision soon? I walked all the way here and my legs feel like they're about to snap off."

The group, minus Wolverine, shared another look before X-23 - Laura - nodded and said, "We'll give you a bed. Once you're rested, we'll come up with a plan."

~~~~~~

I laid awake that night while everyone else was asleep. We had come up with a plan to attack Cassandra's compound, one that should be mostly successful for everyone if the input from my visions helped at all. Everyone else had gone to bed with hope of a successful mission at sunrise, but I was wide awake with thoughts of going against Cassandra. Unlike everyone else, I had been part of Cassandra's team for a very long time. I had seen the things she did to people who opposed her. Despite the fact that my visions should give us a leg up in this fight, I was still scared of the consequences if we lost.

There was a stir in the air that told me someone was awake. I heard movement and the sound of a glass bottle being picked up. Logan didn't notice as I rolled over to face him. He was already walking up the steps and out of the hideout. It took me all of ten seconds to decide to follow him. This Wolverine may have been a grumpy Gus, but trying to speak with him would be way better than laying in the silent room struggling to sleep.

I followed him into the woods, where he had already started a small fire. He was sat next to it, hunched over with a bottle of Gambit's whiskey. I was shocked there was any whiskey left at this point, but who was I to judge someone else's coping mechanism.

His back straightened when he heard me approaching. "I don't want company."

"Good thing I'm not here to keep you company," I said, sitting next to him but keeping enough space between us. "I'm here to see if you'll share the liquor you're stealing."

To my surprise, he willingly gave me the bottle without hesitation. I took a big mouthful, which proved to be a bad idea when the harsh liquid burned my throat. I winced at the burn and gagged once I had it swallowed. Logan let out a low chuckle. "Not your usual drink of choice, huh?"

"Actually, I've never drank," I responded, passing the bottle back to him. "I was pruned before I was legal drinking age, and Cassandra doesn't have alcohol at her base."

"You nervous to fight your boss tomorrow?"

"She's not my boss. I'm not part of her team by choice. I already said that. You saw Alioth, you saw what he can do. I was young, I was scared, and she promised to keep me safe."

There was a pause. I wouldn't look at him. I knew coming here was a risk. I knew they wouldn't completely trust me. I just wished they would understand I only sided with Cassandra to stay safe and alive.

Logan broke the silence when he asked, "How young?"

"What?"

"You said you were young, below the legal drinking age. How young?"

"I was a teenager," I responded. "Mid-teens, I think."

"What does a teenager do to get themselves sent to this hell hole?"

I shifted in my seat. No one had ever asked me my backstory before, so I never had to reveal what I was most ashamed to admit. "Do you have Hydra in your universe?"

He nodded. I sighed and said, "My parents...they worked for Hydra. They...they let those Hydra scientists experiment on me. Trying to recreate something as powerful as the serum that created Captain America. Except, instead of making me super strong, it gave me the ability to read minds and see the future. Weirdly enough, the TVA doesn't like anyone that can change the future."

"They didn't get you to join them? Seems like your powers would've been perfect for a time variance agency."

I chuckled humorlessly. "That's not how the TVA works."

"You were a kid."

"That's not how the TVA works."

When he didn't respond, I found myself becoming aware of the silence. Like, of the actual silence. I couldn't hear a single thing Logan was thinking. No one could truly block me out. At least, no one I had met. Not even Cassandra could keep me out completely. I looked over at Logan, trying to focus on him, but still I couldn't hear anything.

"I don't like people poking around in my brain, bub."

I smiled a little. "I can't help it usually, but your brain is weirdly silent. No thoughts, Wolvie?"

"They're none of your business."

I left it at that. Despite my abilities, I wasn't one to pry into other people's thoughts. I heard things by accident, but I wasn't searching through people's heads for their trauma. Actually, it was nice to not have Logan's voice in my head. It was true silence that I had not had in years.

"Are you really not coming with us?" I asked him.

"I'm not a hero," he responded.

"You sure about that?" I eyed his yellow suit. "It's not about being a hero, though. It's about going home."

"There is no home for me to go back to."

His mental walls cracked for just a moment then. I could hear something coming from his mind; the faint calling of his name. No, not calling. Screaming. It was multiple voices, but it was just a faint whisper to me. At the same time, an image came through in his mind. It was a woman with red hair and brown eyes. We didn't have any variants of her come through the Void before, but I had recognized her from the minds of other X-Men who I had crossed paths with: Jean Grey.

Just as quickly as those thoughts slipped out, Logan managed to pull them back in. I wasn't sure if he was hiding them from me or from himself, but either way they were gone. I could tell from the look on his face that he knew I had heard something, and he was not very happy that I had.

"You don't have to tell me," I said, my voice soft. "Or...or show me. But whatever it is going on that has you like this, I'm sorry it happened."

His face was hard as stone, but I could see in his eyes that there was a flux of emotions.

"I lost people," he admitted. "Everyone I loved in my universe. It was my fault and...I just couldn't live with that. I did things...things I regret. Things that could never bring those people back."

"You could be reunited with them in another universe."

He shook his head. "It won't be the same. Every other universe already has a Wolverine. The only one that doesn't is the Mouth's, and that's because he died. I couldn't go back there and put them through seeing me and opening up old wounds. Besides, I don't think I could see them again either. Too much guilt."

I could see Jean's face again, just for a moment, before she was gone again. I could feel Logan's grief; his guilt. The more he opened up, the more his mind became easier to read.

I moved closer to him. Not by much, just an inch to test the waters. When he didn't react, I moved closer again until the space between us was almost completely closed. He looked up at me, but for once he didn't have that scowl on his face. He looked curious by my actions more than anything. I didn't try to push his boundaries any further than just being close to him.

"Good people do bad things sometimes," I told him. "It doesn't make you a bad person."

"I'm no hero, kid," he pointed out.

I shrugged. "Neither am I. None of us are here. But that doesn't mean you can't become a hero."

I wasn't sure if it was the whiskey, the fire, or just how close I was to Logan, but I felt a rush of heat washing over my body. I knew I was definitely feel the effects of the alcohol because I was swaying involuntarily. I started to lean in closer to him, but tried to stop myself as best I could. He seemed amused by it, at least, which made me smile more.

I let out a yawn and stood. I stumbled a little, causing Logan to reach out for me to steady me.

"Are you gonna be able to get back on your own?" he asked.

"I think so, but if you see me passed out along the way do me a favor and carry me back," I said. He chuckled and I tried not to beam too much about it.

I started to walk away, or more like stumble I guess, when Logan called, "Did you see me there tomorrow? In your visions?"

I turned back to him and responded, "Maybe. You'll figure that out tomorrow."

~~~~~~

Good news is, the battle at Cassandra's hideout went well. We took down every one of her cronies, and when Cassandra had left with the army of Deadpools to go to Deadpool-10005's universe, we commandeered her place to keep us safe from Alioth.

Bad news is, Wolverine and Deadpool got out, but the rest of us didn't.

No one really seemed upset over that fact. I mean, besides Laura, who was already missing the variant of Logan ("He may not have been my dad, but he was a version of dad," she had said when she realized he had left without her). Blade, Elektra, and Gambit were more proud of themselves for saving the day, even if it meant not going back to their own realities. I guess I was happy to no longer be under Cassandra's control, too, but I found myself wishing I could've left this place too.

And I found myself dreaming about Logan.

Well, partially dreaming. Some of them were visions.

It's not hard to differentiate between dreams and visions. I don't often get visions when I sleep, but when I do I can feel that they're visions. It's hard to explain other than that. Some nights I found myself dreaming of us by the fire again, except this time I allowed myself to get close enough to Logan to touch him. It very rarely went further than my shoulder against his, sometimes my head against his shoulder. But the visions I had were us together in an apartment I didn't recognize. At first they were all the same - me, Logan, and Wade living domestically in some apartment in New York. Laura was there once too, but only one time.

But then once the vision ended with Logan's arm around my waist and his lips against my forehead. I had woken up with a start before anything else happened.

It was the only vision that showed me with him romantically, but I knew deep down inside of me that that's what I wanted. I mean, Logan is an attractive man. No one could deny that. I may have only known one version of him briefly, but still it was enough to leave me longing for his presence again.

It was just another new normal day in the compound previously owned by Cassandra - I was in my own room reading one of the few books Cassandra had somehow found and kept - when an orange door shaped portal opened. I recognized it as a TVA portal. I sat up quickly, my guard high as I waited for a TVA agent to walk through.

But it wasn't an agent.

It was Logan.

"Come on, kid," he told me. "I'm taking you home."

He didn't have to tell me twice. I was up off my bed and through the portal. I expected to be brought to the TVA first, but I was surprised to find myself in a small apartment.

The apartment from my visions.

I looked around, taking in every detail of the place that I had already seen in my head before. Everything was there, from the pictures to the crude drawings Wade had stuck to the fridge, to the mattress in the middle of the living room where Logan slept. Everything from my visions.

"This..." I said, but paused before I finished the sentence. Did I tell him I had been seeing this place? Did I tell him that I had been seeing us?

When I didn't say anything further, Logan said, "I know it's not your home. But...I wasn't sure if you'd want to go back there."

"I don't," I said quickly. And it was true, I never wanted to go back there. After what my parents had done to me, it was almost a blessing to be sent to the Void. Besides being forced to do Cassandra's bidding.

Logan nodded. "Okay. So...well...welcome. You can stay here as long as you want. It'll take some time to get used to actual society again, I'd assume. The Mouth lives here too - "

As if on cue, the front door opened and there stood Wade, being followed by the mut I once knew as Dogpool.

"Ah! You got the girl!" he said, ushering the dog into the apartment and kicking the door shut behind him. "Finally, he can shut up about seeing you again."

Logan's face turned a shade of red I never expected to see from The Wolverine. "Wade, shut the fuck up."

"What? I'm just saying you've been brooding around this place for ages because we had to leave her behind. You finally have her back. Oh, and Laura! You guys can be one big, happy, fucked up family."

I looked over at Logan. "Laura's here?"

"Not staying with us, but she is in this universe," Logan said. "The TVA agreed to let us save you guys from the Void. Gambit, Elektra, and Blade are all gone back to their own universes now."

"Hopefully one where Gambit can find a better dialect coach," Wade added. "And you get to stay here with us! Isn't that just great? You get to share a bed with Wolvie."

"Only if you're comfortable with that," Logan quickly added, shooting another glare at Wade.

"Of course she'll be fine with that. Better than sharing a bed with Blind Al. Actually, can we switch? I'd much rather cuddle up to the greatest showman."

Logan raised a fist to Wade and unsheathed his claws. It was enough for Wade to finally stop running his mouth and scurry off to his room, the dog following closely behind him. Logan pulled his claws back in and let out a long sigh.

"I'm sorry, I know this is a lot to take in at once," he said. "It's a lot of explaining."

"I can figure it out, I'm sure," I said. "Thank you for saving me."

"I should be thanking you."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "I didn't do anything."

"After our talk by the fire, I realized you were right. I was letting the shit I did get to me for too long. I forgot who I was, or who Charles wanted me to be. I just needed a little push from a different mind reader."

I smiled at him. "You just needed someone to tell you you're not a bad person. It's insane to me that no one had done that before I did. Just cause you did bad things didn't mean you were ever a bad person."

There was a pause, then suddenly I was being pulled towards him. Before my mind could comprehend what was happening, Logan's lips were against mine. His hands were holding my face, holding me to him. It took my brain a few seconds to register what was going on before my hands were reaching for his shirt, holding him as well.

Our moment was swiftly interrupted by a familiar merc exclaiming, "Finally!"

Logan pulled away from me to glare at Wade over my shoulder. I heard the bedroom door slam shut again.

He looked down at me. "I'm sorry that you will have to put up with that."

I giggled. "I guess it's a small price to pay if it means I get to kiss you more."

His smile was so beautiful. It really brightened his face after all the brooding and scowling I had seen him doing before. "I'll kiss you as much as you want, bub. Just gotta make sure Wade is locked away in his room if you want it to be any more than kissing."

"Awe, no fair!" came Wade's voice.

Logan and I shared a look before Logan said, "Maybe we start looking for an apartment of our own."

The suggestion caused my mind to fill with another vision: Logan and I in a small place similar to this one, but one that was just our own. The two of us tangled in sheets, completely naked, with the glow of the sunrise spiling through the blinds onto us.

I smiled, both at the vision and at Logan. "I would love that."

#logan howlett #logan howlett imagine #logan howlett x reader #wolverine #wolverine imagine #wolverine x reader #hugh jackman #hugh jackman x reader #hugh jackman imagine #deadpool and wolverine #marvel #mcu #imagine #one shot #fanfiction #fanfic #fandom

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quietstormxr · 1 month ago

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Forgotten

Pure, unadulterated angst.

Reader x ?

Poll Results: Reader x Xaden Riorson

A/N: Fourth Wing Spoilers, Mentions of depression

Word Count: 1.7k

Trying something different and asking for y'alls input. There will be a poll at the bottom for you to participate in the story if you're interested.

You watch as they rally around her. The way they are now busy watching her every move. Training her at every opportunity. They even made her a damn saddle for her dragon. They constantly train her on the mat, design daggers for her hands and strength.

Staring at the blazing fire in the common room, you slowly watch your surroundings and the comings and goings. But no one knows you’re there.

You’re invisible.

Not only to those who you thought cared about you, but also thanks to your signet. You huff a laugh as you mask yourself in the alcove that you’ve come to claim as your own.

All you must do is survive for a few more days before you’re free from them all. Free from any eyes looking for you, free from expectations, from them.

You always knew that you weren’t a priority. You always faded to the back of conversations, the back of the room. Left to your own devices, you let the resentment fester, the feeling of not being worthwhile.

No one ever described what a bond breaking between a dragon and a human felt like, but you could feel the way your dragon’s voice seemed to start feeling like it was underwater. The communication line between the two of you seeming to be drowning, the same way you felt yourself breaking apart at the seams.

As you arrived in formation when the alarms went off, you kept to yourself and your eyes straight ahead. Nothing in your mind registered anymore. The only thing behind your eyes was the festering of relentless anger.

As you go to leave formation and gather your things, you feel a tug on your arm. You look back to see Imogen tapping your shoulder.

“Xaden wants you for the headquarters squad.” You raise your eyes to hers and give a tight nod, nothing showing in your eyes.

While packing your things, you can’t help but wonder if you could just walk away from it all. If they think you’re dead, it wouldn’t matter at this point. With a plan forming in your mind, you pack everything that you deem important and leave the rest of your things behind. You close the door, not leaving a note or anything to find. You’ll either succeed in your plan or you’ll face a punishment you won’t return from.

You head to the flight field. Your dragon waits behind all the others. You huff a laugh at the fact that even your dragon knows how much you just want to fade into the background of it all.

You may not want to listen or watch the comradery of those you used to consider friends or even a lover, but you make sure to keep your eyes sharp. You watch as everything unfolds in front of you, until you watch as Xaden and Garrick stride towards you.

“I assume Imogen told you that you’re coming with us.” Xaden says, no pretense of niceties in sight.

“Yes.” Succinct. Final. There’s nothing more to say.

Both look at you seeming to take in the stone of your appearance, most likely confused by your lack of warmth they were so used to seeing. They exchange a look, but Xaden nods to you and strides away. You watch as they both stride towards Liam and Bodhi, all of them collectively looking back towards you. Even though you are eager to lash out at them, yell, scream, and cry, you just look back with a look of impassivity.

“Headquarters squad, let’s go.” Xaden calls as he mounts Sgaeyl.

You fly at the back of the riot, which your dragon does willingly. There’s no need for you to voice your feelings towards those in front of you when your dragon is already well aware.

The way you lag behind the others has you touching down at the lake about ten minutes after everyone else. As soon as you do, you’re met with a scene that causes you to snort in derision.

Of course Sorrengail wasn’t going to react well to things that were kept from her. You knew that from just watching the way the girl had treated her friends. Everyone is so preoccupied with the scene in front of them, they don’t realize you’ve landed.

Forgotten again.

The pattern is now almost comical. You watch, still mounted as Xaden tries to reason with Sorrengail, Liam trying to prove his friendship, Bodhi and Garrick waiting hesitantly.

Soon enough, it seems Xaden has calmed the little scribe down and everyone is mounting again. No one even realizes that you weren’t even aware of the gryphons either. No one tries to reassure you; you just must reassure yourself.

Once at Athbyne, you search the empty barracks on your own and honestly can’t believe your luck. The plan you have may just be easier to pull off than you ever thought.

While you’re exploring the rooms of the outpost, it seems the group has come to a decision to fight. As you make your way up to the wall where everyone is standing, you listen as Sorrengail goes into details on the venin you’re about to face.

Without caring to hear more, you turn and head back to your dragon. You’ll still execute your plan, but there’s no way that you’re going to leave innocent people out there to die. If you do, then you’re no better than anyone back at Basgiath.

As you sweep the perimeter of town, you’re met with a sight that breaks your own heart. A child has been left behind in the mess of confusion and fleeing. A little girl crying, curled up in a ball, wailing somone’s name to save her.

You can’t help the tears that swim in your eyes feeling like you’re watching yourself break into a million pieces.

You command your dragon to land and immediately pick up the girl. You begin running towards the mine where the rest of the townspeople are but stop in your tracks. Eyes flaring wide, you watch the venin completely drain Soleil and her dragon.

You turn again and sprint as fast as you can with the girl in your arms back to your dragon. You mount and command your dragon to bring you to where the rest of the townspeople are being gathered.

Once there, you bring the little girl to a woman who has her arms out and seems to be shouting the little girl’s name. Watching as she is now cradled and being comforted, you turn your back on the scene and take a deep breath. All you want is someone to comfort you like that. No, not just someone. One specific person.

You shake your head at the thought that causes your heart to crack open.

When you bring your head up, you’re met with red eyes and a shock of tattered purple robes.

“Such pain for such a young person.” The male voice hisses in a raspy voice that sounds like a distorted rumble.

You can’t hide the flash of recognition at the words that settle in your mind.

“Why don’t you take all of that pain and channel with me?” He says while beginning to circle around you.

Looking around, you realize that you’re alone. There aren’t any other riders or fliers in this area.

“You can show them what real power looks like and show them you aren’t one to be forgotten.” The words he’s spitting begin to swirl in your mind. The thought of being able to be powerful and not just a shell that’s been rejected hitting you square in the chest.

You shake your head trying to escape the hold that the venin’s words have seemed to settle in your mind.

“I won’t be controlled. By you or any power.” You spit through clenched teeth, trying to bite back from the hold that you can’t seem to shake from your mind.

“Your spirit is fierce. It would be so pleasant to break you.” The venin continues.

You find yourself reaching for the sheath that was given to you months ago with instructions not to use unless absolutely necessary. You suppose this situation would render it’s use necessary.

You double over with the sheer amount of power that the venin seems to be plying towards you. Without overthinking, you grab the hilt of the dagger and fling it. Your aim is the one thing you’ve never questioned about yourself and as you expect, it finds it home in the chest of the venin.

The creature’s eyes seem to blaze with the fury that you were able to best him. You find yourself crawling backwards trying to get as far away as possible.

Suddenly the din of the battle still going on around you crashes back into your mind. You look up to see dragons locked in battle, to your left and right civilians are still running for cover. Realizing that your own dragon’s focus is taken helping Deigh eviscerate a wyvern, you know this is when you have to make your decision.

You take a steadying deep breath, trying to calm yourself from the interaction with the venin. As soon as you feel your heartbeat return to something a little more normal, you’re off. You swing your pack on your back as you run. With one look back, you feel like your entire being is breaking, but you just can’t imagine staying anymore.

A slight panic tries to break through your thoughts, it must be your dragon knowing what you’re about to do. However, as you continue running, you feel your dragon’s connection growing thinner and thinner. There’s no reason to devote much thought to it as you keep going, if you die away from your dragon, so be it. No matter what, from now on it will be on your terms.

You steal into a thick cover of forest and throw your bag down. You slide down the trunk of a tree and collapse into a tired heap. At this point, the sun has crested on the horizon and night is beginning to set. Your mind can’t help but wonder if anyone has even realized that you’re gone. The last thought you have before sleep finds you is that your dragon can find a new and worthy rider.

#fourth wing fanfic #fourth wing x reader #xaden riorson #bodhi durran #garrick tavis #bodhi durran x reader #xaden riorson x reader #fourth wing xaden #garrick tavis x reader #the empyrean #the empyrean fanfic #fourth wing fic #fourth wing #bodhi fourth wing #garrick fourth wing #iron flame #iron flame fanfic

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cochineal-leviat · 1 year ago

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Sweet Dreams, Stardust

Okay, so I have a lot of feelings about In Stars and Time. But let me say first, wow, this game irreversibly changed my brain network. For anyone who is considering buying this game, please do. I don't think I've had a story touch my heart and mind like this for a long time. And that goes without mentioning the stunning visuals and entertaining battle system. (Be careful, though, because this game handles heavy topics regarding mental health)

If you're still hung up on buying it but are curious, there is a free demo on Steam if you like to try.

Thank you, @insertdisc5, for this gem of a game. I will be turning it around in my head like a microwaveable gourmet meal for months to come.

Technically the illustration has no spoilers (unless you count Siffrin having a good nap as a spoiler). But I will be going into heavy spoiler territory under the keep reading since I need to get my thoughts on this game off my chest.

And a monochrome version because you know me, I can't help myself. Even in black and white art pieces, I will put in some colour.

And a very tiny Loop

Initially, I was going to do a piece with a theatre stage and the cast (Siffrin, Mirabelle, Isabeau, Odile, Bonnie and the head house maiden) taking a bow and finally leaving the spectacle to a life not controlled by a script and Wish Craft. But it was more fitting to put my feelings into creating a peaceful scene. Like, oof, I needed this very badly. I used sepia to make the painting warmer and added some more details like headcanons. The stars/colours might be remnants of Siffrin's transformation. Or maybe they were always there, but he never paid attention to it. Who knows.

I'm going to keep this brief. Otherwise, this post will take way too long.

I adore Siff's character. It's perfect for a game and narrative such as this. I saw a post not long ago on Tumblr going into depth about how their role as the rogue and not the hero works so well, so I won't linger on it for long. But how they would rather listen and fade into the background perfectly aligns with the player's experience of being the silent observer. (And the nodding off that changes into zoning out. It took me way too long to realise that small but essential narrative change) Oh, and the portrait change! It flew over my head until I was staring at the game menu. I was so confident Siffrin had a mischievous grin and not a frown. I always feel slightly surprised when the party asks for Siff's opinion or mentions that they have been too quiet. I felt Siffrin's excitement like my own when he got excited at finding clues to end the nightmare they were in. So I knew it would end up falling on their face because they were too excited. I just had this bad gut feeling the whole time during Act 4.

And oh boy, speaking off acts. I thought it would have been the standard 3. Boy, I was wrong. Whenever I felt I was nearing the end, I was thrown back at the start with more mysteries than answers. It made exploring the game intriguing since there is almost no information about it online (at the time of writing this post). There is the Discord, but I didn't know about it until I finished it.

This game has a lot of secrets, and I had a lot of fun uncovering them. The looping mechanic works so well in discovering little details and further leads. (even though my stubborn arse kept trying to do everything in the least amount of loops as possible. I thought the ending would be different if I exceeded a 100. My final number is 59. I am still not sure if I should be mad about it not being a rounded number like 60 or that I went over the 50 threshold)

However, it is a good thing that only some mysteries were solved. Like, what's up with colours in this world? Everyone sees in black and white, and the idea of shades and colours is only spoken of in scientific studies. They do exist and are not a part of the disaster that happened to Siffrin and their land. But there is definitely something mysterious about it. I adore how the dialogue reflects this, as the characters do not speak of shades or colours. Isabeau expresses surprise to see a streak of red colouring the sky in Act 6. It makes you think about how colour is perceived and how you describe it. (The lore inside this game is immaculate. I eat this shit up)

We never find out the name of the country north of Vanguard or what it was like. We can only infer that the beaches had black sand, with shells that shine like stars, high-reaching mountains, forests and plains. Which is vague and yet intriguing enough to make you wonder. It connected me to Siff and King because I also wanted to know. I was desperate to know. I needed to know. But in the end, we never will know because that is not the story's point. Siffrin even says in the game, that King should let go because he is hurting everyone and everything, including himself, in his desperation to preserve Vanguard. This is all the more ironic when Siff accidentally does the same with his family and the loops. I might gush more about what the country might be like and their technology in another post. This game makes me want to theorise. This is the first time I've wanted to write and post theories. ISAT fucked me up good.

Which, by the way, was genius. Siffrin and King are mirrors of each other. Siff does not have King's disastrous ambition, but their love/obsession will be the downfall of both of them. They have more than being each other's countrymen in common, and I imagine Siff despises that.

I love the fact King's question to Siffrin before the showdown was/could never be answered. Usually, in a game such as this, you must figure out how to solve everything, especially for the big bad. But that was never the goal. King is a delusional monster who will not stop before achieving his dream. He will raze everything to the ground and hurt many people because he must succeed. It is what he desires. Nay, the universe wills it. What a witless excuse that can easily be made into someone's truth. Especially to somebody who is driven mad with grief.

How King's character's done is so excellent. Because, at first, I wasn't scared of him at all. He was just the big bad, and I felt nothing much but the glory of victory when Siffrin outsmarted him by looping and making sure Mirabelle learned the shield spell that would protect the party from freezing in time. But each time you fight him, you get more frustrated until Siff figures that talking to him might be fruitful. It does, but unfortunately, you and Siffrin leave yourself emotionally and mentally vulnerable. King stops being a one-dimensional villain and changes into an actual person. Someone you can sympathise with and possibly mend peace with without fighting. You and Siffrin opened his heart for a kindred spirit and got hurt.

King stopped being a monster and became human. And while monsters are wretched, humans have intent behind their cruelty. I felt so betrayed, so angry, but most of all - terrified. I felt it when Siffrin spiralled when fighting King again after their actions caused such a catastrophic turn of events for Bonnie. Every time after that, the fight with King felt tense and nerve-wracking in a dreadful way. Because even victory could not soothe the dread I felt. (The track 'It's finally over" will forever haunt me. I already feel anxious whenever it cycles to that when I listen to the playlist)

He was not, however, the final villain, even though everything that happened was King's fault. You were always your greatest enemy (or Siffrin in this case, since you are supposed to be Siffrin). I never could have guessed that the whole reason why Siffrin could not escape the loops was because Siff accidentally wished to never let go of their friends. This reminds me of Modaka Magica, where (spoilers for the OG anime) Homura goes back in time so much that the universe ties itself around Modoka, making her a waiting egg whose wish and magic will be massive when she becomes a magical girl. The one thing Homura was trying to prevent.

(Siffrin and Homura are identical in that sense. Shy characters who are loyal to a fault but are rendered into something cold, bitter and cutting by their traumatic experiences. Only Siff has people who care about them and would do anything to save him, too, whereas Homura never lets go, making the world a worse place to live in. Yes, I did go into doomed Yuri. That anime lived in my mind rent-free in my mind for years)

The Head House-maiden not being the villain was also a great touch. I am used to the apparent antagonist turning out not to be the big bad and the trusted, friendly character ending up being the evil one. Twist villains no longer work when everyone expects them to be villains.

That was my biggest theory as I played. The second biggest being that Loop is someone who enjoys Siffrin's suffering. I am so glad that was also not the case. They are apathetic but not cruel. Never intentionally, anyway. They were like the player, urging Siffrin to go deeper into the mystery to solve it. Ultimately, I chose and made cold and cruel decisions simply because I wanted to see what would happen. So yeah, I warmed up to this cosmic star thing as the game went on and even started trusting them. Act 5 really is a punch in the gut. I am so sorry, Loop. Thank you for coming through in the end.

Oh man, this is so long, and I haven't even gone into the main cast. I will leave that for another post. They are such great characters, as are the people of Dormant and the House. (Don't think I don't see the wordplay in this game. Very clever)

Going into this game completely blind was the best experience I could have had. I felt anxious, happy and scared so severely that my neurons were rearranged. I don't know if there are more endings (aside from the obvious action of attacking Odile in the True(?) ending of the game), but I am taking a break from it to make art and write for this game before I dive back into despair-o-land.

Anywho, thank you for coming this far and reading my ramblings. Have a fantastic day or evening further! o(*'▽`*)ブ

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absurdthirst · 1 year ago

Text

Surrogate Love {Dave York x F!Reader}

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 14.9k

Warnings: Surrogacy, mentions of impregnation, emotional distance, fighting, drowning feelings, mentions of masturbation, crossing boundaries, technical infidelity, vaginal sex, ovulation, sex to procreate, cock warming, cheating, oral sex (female receiving), pregnancy, divorce

Comments: When Carol cannot have anymore children, she and Dave turn to seeking for a surrogate. Finding you, Dave grows closer to you as Carol seemingly pulls farther away. Leading to a discovery that will alter the agreement between you and the Yorks and allow you and Dave to fall deeper into a complicated love.

Co-written with @pedropascalsx

**Follow @absurdthirst-writes and turn on notifications to stay up to date on all new fics.

|| MasterList || Dave York MasterList ||

Click Keep Reading only if you have read the Rating and Warnings and understand the warnings may not be complete to avoid listing spoilers. As AO3 says 'creator chooses not to use warnings'. You also agree that you're the right age to be consuming anything here.

Surrogate Wanted! -Family of four looking for a surrogate to help complete our loving family. -All medical and additional pregnancy related expenses covered. -Plus a fee for carrying the child! -Looking for a young, healthy woman to commit to carrying our child, temporarily moving into our space whilst pregnant and for a few months afterwards to breastfeed. -Must be willing to undergo routine medical testing. -Contact us below if you’re interested!

You read the advertisement over and over before sending an email. Attaching your latest medical and a few details about your family history. Money is tight. Unbelievably tight. And doing this would not only help your financial strain, but you would be doing something wonderful for a family.

What’s the harm in applying? You mumble to yourself after hitting send on the email. Unsure if you’ll even get a response.

“Honey, look at this one.” Dave looks up from his computer to find Carol leaning over his shoulder, reading the email already. “What do you think?” He asks. There have been a few other emails, but they were all unsuitable and this woman has already started providing medical information. And a picture of how lovely she is.

“She looks nice,” Carol says with a roll of her eyes, trying to seem interested as she pulls on her new dress, ready for a girls night out. “Invite her over for an informal interview.”

“Okay.” Dave frowns as he looks over at Carol. “Are you still going out?” He asks. “I thought -“

“My sister needs this,” she says with a pout, “I can’t let her down. It’s just a few hours with the girls. Drinks and karaoke.”

“Okay, yeah sure.” Dave sighs but he nods his head. Carol says that she’s interested in this, she was the one to suggest it. Hiring a surrogate so that third dream baby could happen, but so far it’s been Dave doing all the leg work on this.

Carol lightly pecks Dave's cheek as she grabs her purse ready to go. “Don’t wait up, honey.”

****

Your phone pings with an email alert, asking if you’d be interested in an informal meeting to see if it could potentially be a good fit.

‘Hello, Mr. York.

Thanks for the prompt reply, I would love to arrange a meeting. There’s a cafe just outside the National Mall called ‘Cherry Blossoms’, If you’re free tomorrow we could meet there?

Kind regards.’

The polite response makes Dave interested in meeting the candidate and he quickly sends a reply, agreeing to the time and place. After he does that, he pulls out his work laptop to do some background checks on the person who might be carrying his next child.

‘See you and your wife tomorrow at 1pm.’ You send back, anxious about meeting them but excited about the same time.

****

Arriving at the cafe, Dave sighs and rolls his shoulders back. Aware that the meeting might go horribly sideways since his wife couldn’t drag her hungover ass out of bed to do more than puke in the shower. She was in no condition to come and he had to smother his irritation since he hadn’t told her about this meeting this morning. Instead of dwelling on that, he steps up to the counter and orders a coffee and a muffin, since she hadn’t arrived yet. A quick glance around had told him that.

You walk into the cafe and make your way up to the counter, ordering a hot chocolate before looking around to see if you can spot the couple. A very handsome man puts his hands up and waves to you and you assume that he must be Dave York.

Prettier than he had noticed in the pictures, Dave stands up as you walk over. “I’m sorry.” He starts out, introducing himself and offering his hand. “My wife couldn’t make our meeting this morning. She’s….under the weather.”

You reach out and shake his hand and offer him a warm smile, before taking a seat. “Poor thing, I’m so sorry to hear that! Is she okay? Would you like to reschedule?”

He is surprised that you don’t want to cancel. “Only if you would rather wait to meet my wife?” He flashes you a grin. “Make sure I’m legitimate?”

“I’m happy either way,” you say, before thanking the waitress who’s handing you your drink. “I mean we’re both here, so a chat couldn’t do any harm.”

“That’s what I was thinking.” The background checks on you have come up clean but he wants to know more about you. “What questions do you have for me?”

“If it’s not too personal… Why surrogacy?” You ask before taking a sip of your hot chocolate and humming in delight at the taste.

He had expected that question so he is pulling out his wallet, flipping it open to show you a picture of his family, taken last Christmas. “My youngest, Molly, when she was born, Carol had a lot of complications.” He explains. “She ended up needing a complete hysterectomy.” He had hated it, but it was that or lose his wife and he would rather have her. “That’s my oldest daughter, Alice.” He points to the older girl.

“They’re gorgeous,” you say, peering down at their smiling faces, “I’m sorry to hear about the complications your wife went through. I’m glad to see that both your wife and your daughter are okay though. Do you have any questions for me?”

“Are you okay with using your egg?” He asks seriously. “That would be required, or you would have to go through implantation.”

“Yes, I’m fine with that. Happy for the testing as well… uh… my periods are like clockwork. And I have an app that tracks ovulation.”

“Okay, good.” You don’t seem to think that it’s odd. “All your medical care will be taken care of.” He promises.

“Good to know,” you clear your throat before asking the next question, “If you were to select me, I’d have one hard rule.”

Dave arches a brow and nods. “What is that?”

“You said that you’d require me to move in, I would like at least 4-6 weeks notice before you’re ready to move away from breastfeeding. So I have sufficient time to find myself somewhere to live.”

“Of course.” That’s more than reasonable. “And if you find you would need more time because of the market at that time, I’m sure we can work something out.”

“That sounds good,” you say with a smile, “Just so you know, I am employed. 24 hours a week, I work from home. But I’d be more than happy to help around the house, babysit so you and your wife can have time alone and so on. I graduated college and I majored in computer sciences and I work for a social media company and stay on top of their coding.”

He nods and if he thinks that the hours are low, he doesn’t mention it. Your finances and work are not his concern. It might be good for you to work less while you are carrying the baby. “But so you know, you aren’t obligated.”

“It’s an entry position job,” you say after noticing his reaction to your low hours, “Money is tight and it’s an industry that you’ve got to climb. I took what was available. But i’m an honest hard worker. And I know, I also don’t want you to think I’d expect you to offer me anything until I've met your family and after the medical is done.”

“We pay for the medical, you live with us and breast feed the baby - if you can.” Dave knows that sometimes the baby doesn’t want to latch or milk isn’t plentiful. “And we would pay you eighty thousand dollars.” He holds up a finger. “But no dating or sex during your pregnancy. I don’t want to risk the baby’s health.”

“Yeah I don’t date,” you say with a giggle, “I uh, I’m not the most confident person and casual sex isn’t something I’ve ever had any interest in. $80,000? Perfect. That’s enough to start my life and find somewhere comfortable to rent once the baby is born.”

Now comes his own questions. "Why are you willing to do this?" He asks you, leaving forward and watching you carefully. "And will you be able to give up the baby once they are weaned?"

“Financial stability,” you say honestly, “And yes. I’ll sign anything that’s required.”

"Obviously I'd want you to meet my wife first." Dave leans back, confident that you are what he is looking for. "Once we agree, we could start insemination procedures the following cycle."

“That sounds great. Name the time and place, I’d love to meet your wife.” You say before eyeing up his muffin and trying to work out if you want one. “So what is it that you do Mr York?”

“I work for the DIA.” He sees you eyeing the muffin and takes the knife to cut it in half. He offers it to you and smiles. “Government bureaucrat.”

“Thank you,” you say with your brightest smile, “It’s a bit too early for me to be stealing your food, I don’t have the pregnancy excuse yet. I’m sorry. And whoa. That sounds intense.”

“These muffins are huge.” Dave chuckles and gives a small shrug. “It’s got its moments, but it pays well.”

“Nice,” you say before taking a bite and moaning at how delicious and moist it is. “This is heaven.”

"It's a good little treat." He agrees, finishing off his own half in two quick bites.

“When and where would you like me to meet your wife?”

"Can I call you to schedule a time?" He asks, pulling out his phone. "I don't know when she will be feeling better." It's better you believe that she's sick than just hungover.

“Oh, of course. I’m sorry I didn’t think,” you say with a flood of embarrassment. “And is there anything you’d like me to do in the meantime? I could schedule an appointment with my gynecologist?”

"Don't worry about that." He shakes his head and gives you a smile. You are a little awkward but it's endearing in a way. "I'll text you when I figure out how long it will be and we can arrange something? We can schedule doctor appointments after everyone's met and you can give your final decision on if you would like to do this for us."

“That sounds good,” you beam, “Yeah, you can text me anytime.” The next set of words slip out of you mouth before you’ve even realized you said them and it’s in that moment you’re convinced you’ve blown it. “God. I never thought i’d have the baby of a man who looks as good as you inside of me.”

He's shocked by your honesty and for a moment he freezes, but he grins at the mortification that is riding over your face. "You think I look good, huh?"

“Oh god, I’m so sorry, Mr York,” you groan, “Of course I do. Shit. You’re gorgeous. I didn’t mean to… Fuck. I’m so sorry.”

"That's okay." Dave chuckles and shakes his head. "Attraction is normal. The first thing I noticed was how attractive you were."

You can’t stop the smile that spreads across your entire face as he compliments you, “Thank you, Mr York.”

"Our DNA will produce a very attractive child." He hums, sending you a playful wink.

****

Almost a month since the initial meeting has passed and everything has been great. You met Carol a few days later and the girls a few days after that. Dave had arranged for you to be seen by the most fought after gynecologist in D.C. and all your tests came back great. He had loaded you up with ovulation tests and the decision for home insemination to reduce stress had been made. Dave and Carol would spend time alone together and once he was about to ejaculate he would finish in the pots provided and Carol would bring them down to you and help with the process.

Dave had just helped bring your last box into the basement they had converted that would be your home for the foreseeable future and you were excited.

"Do you need anything else?" Dave asks as he sets the box down and looks around. "I have changed the locks on the basement door, rekeyed them to the rest of the locks in the house." He fishes a set of keys out of his pocket for the walk out door to the side yard. "So you can go out that door if you want."

“No. This is perfect, Mr York,” you say as you look around your new home, “I insist on buying dinner tonight to say thank you.”

He chuckles and shrugs. "It's Friday, we normally order Chinese." He admits with a grin.

“Let me know what to order and where to collect,” you say before giving him a brief thank you hug. Clearly surprising him in the process.

"Oh- uh, you're welcome." He pats your back awkwardly and shoots you a grin. "The girls are easy. Sweet and sour chicken and fried rice for both of them." They had been introduced to you and had immediately found that you were the most fascinating person they had ever met and had a million questions for you.

“And for you and Mrs York?” You love the girls. They have already made you promise to watch a disney movie with them tonight and you’re honestly excited about it.

"Carol likes vegetable lo mein and spring rolls." He tells you with a small shrug. "Me- I like General Tso's shrimp."

“Got it,” you say with a grin. “Consider dinner sorted. And afterwards once the girls are in bed, we can start the process tonight? I mean I'm ovulating and there’s no point in missing a cycle right?”

Dave nods. "Yeah. We can do that before bed." He rolls his eyes and sighs. "I know it's stupid and superstitious, but would you tilt your hips up with a pillow for at least an hour after it's injected?"

“Of course!” You say excitedly, happy to make this happen for them. “Can you believe that part of you will be inside of me tonight!” You say without realizing just how filthy it sounds.

He bites his lip, trying not to say something dirty in return. He knows that you want to help give him and Carol another baby and it’s not going to work if he gets too close to you. “Hopefully, we’ll get lucky on the first try.”

“Fingers crossed, Mr York.”

****

"I have already told them that I'm going out." Carol huffs as she looks at Dave with a pout. "I can't back out now. I'm supposed to pick them up." She shrugs a shoulder. "I thought we would let the poor thing at least unpack before we start shooting her full of your sperm."

Dave huffs and rolls his eyes. "She's ovulating, Carol." He reminds her. "It's not like we can reschedule that."

“I can’t reschedule this. She’ll still be ovulating tomorrow, honey, we can do it then. And make sure you don’t order me food,” she says as she goes back into the bathroom, “We’re getting tapas.”

It's been fucking months. Months of every ovulation cycle he jerks off into a cup and Carol quickly rushes downstairs to inject it inside you. Months of disappointment when your period comes. You have apologized and apologized, cried about it and offered to go back to the doctor for the fifth time, but Dave can't blame you. He sighs and shoves his hand through his hair. "Do you even want to do this?" He demands, feeling like his wife is just brushing this off when it was her idea in the first place. "It doesn't seem like it."

“Of course I do, sweetheart,” she grits out, before rolling her eyes. “These things can take time. Look I know she’s ovulating now, but why don’t we skip this month. Let her destress and pick it up next month. Plus it’ll mean she can take the girls to their after school clubs for me this week, if you’re not obsessing over her cycle.

Dave sighs and shakes his head. "She's not the damn nanny, Carol." He reminds her, having noticed that there have been a lot of 'favors' his wife has been demanding of you despite Dave telling her that she shouldn't be. You weren't here to fucking pick up the girls. You were here to try to give the family the third child both of them said they wanted.

“She’s being paid $80,000,” Carol snaps, “She can do some work for it. I’m not arguing with you. It’s girls night. I refuse to leave the house stressed, or thinking about your goddamn cum, David.”

"You've been having a lot of goddamn ‘girls nights’, Carol." Dave snaps back, clenching his jaw. "Why don't you stay home for once and be a fucking wife and mother?" It's gone from a couple of times a month to two, sometimes three times a week and he's sick of it.

“I need to support my sister, she’s going through a rough time,” Carol repeats for the hundredth time this week, despite never elaborating and her sister always being in high spirits when she visits the house. “I probably won’t be home tonight. Tanya has suggested we go back to hers after food as her husband is away. I’ll be back mid-morning.”

That hazy suspicion niggles in the back of his mind but he doesn't voice it. Instead he sighs and shakes his head. "Just- you still want to do this, right?" He asks again, this time trying not to accuse her. "If you changed your mind, you just need to talk to me."

“Of course, I do,” she says again, “But you’ve gotta be more patient. It takes time. And sometimes it just doesn’t happen. We can give it a few more months… And if it doesn’t happen then… we can tell her to move on and we will have $80,000 to spend on a dream vacation.”

"We could always have her egg harvested and do IVF?" Dave suggests, still not ready to give up on the idea of having that third child that they had always talked about. He was trained to find solutions and this was something he wanted.

“Let’s just keep trying it like this,” she says before grabbing her phone and her purse and getting ready to leave. “She’s bathing the girls right now, tell them Mommy will see them in the morning.”

His jaw clenches as he watches his wife stroll out of their bedroom as if there wasn't a care in the world to be had. Irritated that she was using you to take care of the girls once again. By the time he leaves the bedroom, the front door is closing and he sighs again, moving towards the bathroom where there is a lot of splashing and giggling.

“Hey,” you say as Dave enters the room, and sees you’re just as soaked as the girls. “Made the mistake of letting them play with their water pistols in the tub.”

“Daddy, are we still watching Frozen tonight?” Alice squeals excitedly as he kneels down in front of the tub.

“Of course, sweet pea.” Dave nods as he looks over at you. “I’ll finish bathing the girls if you want to go dry off.”

With a raised eyebrow you keep looking over at Dave and lean down to whisper to the girls with a sneaky look on your face. “Daddy looks awfully dry doesn’t he, babies.”

The adorable giggles that start to fill the room again makes your heart soar as they turn to face a skeptical Dave. And without a second's hesitation they blasters are being pointed in Dave’s direction, their tiny fingers hovering over the trigger.

"Don't you do it." He warns softly, shooting them a faux stern look. "You don't want to start something you can't finish, little girls."

“3 against 1,” You say with a laugh, “He’s bluffing. We’ve got this… 3,2,1… shoot!”

Dave growls, ducking his head when three streams of water start to soak him and he reaches out to slap his arm through the bathtub to send a wall of water across the tub and the instigator of his attack.

You yelp before bursting into a fit of giggles, “I yield, I yield,” you choke out, as the girls continue to soak Dave.

Dave grabs your water gun and turns it on the girls with ruthless glee as they start to shriek and try to avoid his one barrage.

Watching Dave with his girls reaffirms how badly you want to do this for him, he’s the most loving father and it just warms your heart to see how great he is with them. You watch happily for a few minutes as the excitement dies down and the girls start to get restless and want out of the bath. You take Molly as he takes Alice, getting them dried and dressed into their pajamas before sending them downstairs to get comfortable on the sofa so you can set up the movie.

After you’re all dressed in your pajamas and the movie is playing you in the background you whisper to Dave, “Where’s Carol? I got some tips to help with insemination. I thought we’d try tonight.”

Dave sighs and turns to look at you, honestly hurt that his wife has pushed this off. He wants this so bad and he's starting to become frustrated. "She's out. Something about her sister again." He doesn't tell you that she suggested taking off this month, not willing to speak on it. "Do you think you could....do it yourself?"

“Oh,” you say quietly, “I mean I could try. I read somewhere that inserting it slowly rather than pushing it straight in is a better method. Also I read something else that’s supposed to help, so I can try that at the same time.”

"What else?" He frowns, wondering if there's something that he needs to get you or order you. He's been reading everything he can get his hands on but if you've found something, he's all ears.

“Uh,” you say quietly, before looking over at the girls and checking their still engrossed in the movie, “I read an article about um…” Shaking your head, you reach into your pocket and pull out your phone and bring up the article on clitoral stimulation helping the insemination process.

Dave takes your phone and purses his lips as he starts to read. His brows change, lifting and his expression shifting as he delves into the writing and hums. "I- I don't see why you shouldn't try it." He clears his throat and tries not to think about you playing with your clit or anything sexual. This is just supposed to be for making this baby. "But...." He sighs. "That syringe is really long." He frowns, unsure why Carol had decided to pick up a new type when the supplies had run out, but he can't blame her for not wanting to get too close to another woman's vagina. He personally thinks that she is harborning some resentments that she can't carry the baby and is just unwilling to admit it. "Are you sure you'll be able to handle it?'

“I’m not sure,” you say with a shrug, “Maybe I’ll just focus on the syringe. I just can’t really do the other thing with Carol around as it would be uncomfortable for us both. I just really want to do this for you. The worst thing that can happen is I need to change my sheets I guess.”

"If-" He starts and shakes his head. "No, that would be too much." He blows out a disappointed sigh, aware that another opportunity will most likely be lost.

“Tell me,” you say with a raised eyebrow.

"Only if you're comfortable with it...." he stresses, not wanting you to feel pressured in any kind of way. "I could help you." He offers quietly. "Not like I haven't made two kids before. Just not quite with a glorified turkey baster." He huffs, trying to make a joke of it.

“If you’re sure?” You say, “I mean it’s not like it takes long. I could make sure I’m ready and it’ll be over and done with in a few seconds.”

"Do you think -" He sighs and leans in closer to you. The girls are absorbed in the movie but it almost seems wrong to even think about what he's going to say next. It definitely crosses a line but he's tired of jerking off in a cup. "I could do it there and just....transfer it." He suggests. As it stands right now, he's jerking off upstairs and Carol is then taking the cum downstairs to the kitchen, filling the syringe and then carrying it down to you. Maybe something is happening in transit. "I mean, I could use your bathroom?"

“I mean it’s usually cold by the time Carol gets it in the syringe,” you say with a shrug, “So yeah, downstairs is fine.”

Dave frowns, wondering how long it takes for the sperm to cool down, but then again, it's always cool to the touch a couple of minutes after he cums on Carol's tits. "Only if you're comfortable with it." He reminds you. "I don't- don't want you to feel like I'm pushing boundaries."

“We’re making a baby, right? That’s the endgame here. I think sometimes different measures are necessary. When the girls are in bed, we can go downstairs and go from there.”

Dave nods, thankful that you are taking such a rational approach and he shoots you a smile. "Thank you." He whispers softly. "I know that it's not easy for you."

“I just hate that I’ve let you down so far,” you say, a lump forming in your throat, “I just want to make you happy.”

"You haven't let me down." He reaches over and covers your hand with his, squeezing it gently. "Without you, we wouldn't even have this hope. So don't ever think you are letting us down."

The past few months you’ve gotten closer and closer to Dave, spending most evenings eating together and watching a movie. It’s hard not to feel softened by him, despite his tough exterior he’s always so kind and your heart leaps at his touch. “Thank you, Dave.”

The rest of the movie flies by and before you know it the girls are giving you a kiss and hug goodnight. “I’ll see you in the morning, babies,” you promise.

Dave looks at you and you nod, signaling it’s okay for him to join you in the basement once the girls are asleep.

Dave waits until he knows they are asleep, checking on them and closing the bedroom doors as he walks down the hallway. He checks the doors and sets the alarm since Carol isn’t coming home and swallows slightly as he makes his way down to your basement apartment and knocks on the door.

“Come in,” you say with a shaky breath, you’re sitting cross legged on your bed. “How do you wanna do this? If you need porn while you… uh, yeah, I can wait in the hall and you can set it up on the TV.”

“No.” Dave shakes his head. “I don’t need porn.” He bites his lip. “I know you said you wanted to…masturbate before, so where do you want me to?”

“Wherever you’re most comfortable,” you say before biting your bottom lip, “I’m happy to follow your lead.”

He shifts, the idea that pops into his head makes his eyes widen and his cock twitches. He can’t suggest that. It would be completely wrong.

“We could watch each other,” you say, before looking down at your hands, not wanting to see rejection in his face.

Dave’s heart leaps and his head whips around to look at you. Wondering if he had actually heard that for a moment but you are so fluster it must have been. “It’s just to make the baby.” He reasons. “Right? You’ve seen a dick before.”

“Yeah,” you say with a nod of your head, “It’s not like we’re touching each other.”

“Yeah.” Dave frowns slightly, knowing Carol wouldn’t be happy but Carol’s not here and he doesn’t want to waste an ovulation day. “You can use your wand or hand or whatever and I can-“ he grins. “Old fashioned way for me is best.”

“I’ll use my hand… Do you want to see my tits?” You ask softly, not wanting to assume that he’ll want you to fully strip off.

His mouth goes dry and he tries to swallow. “It’s not like I won’t see them when you're breastfeeding.” He reasons again. “But it’s up to you. However you feel comfortable.”

“Will it help you get off? I don’t mind.”

“I like tits.” He admits, rolling his eyes at himself. “But I don’t have to see them.”

“Okay. I’ll stay up here and you can kneel at the bottom of the bed? Will that be comfortable for you.”

“That will work.” He agrees, raising his brow. “Do you want me naked?” He asks. “Or to just pull my cock out?”

“Naked.”

Dave nods, pulling his shirt over his head and dropping it onto the floor. “Okay.”

The sight of his broad shoulders and chest makes your moan, and you follow suit. Pulling off your t-shirt, undoing your bra and pulling your sleep shorts and panties off in one clean sweep.

You’re attractive. He knows this. He’s attracted to you, and there’s nothing wrong with that. He’s not trying to sleep with you. He’s not trying to cheat on his wife, he’s trying to make a baby so he and Carol can complete their family. He unzips his pants and pulls them down to kick off.

You can’t keep your eyes off of him, he’s known from day one that you’re attracted to him. You open your legs and reveal your glistening pussy to him, already drenched at just the thought of watching him alone. And you gather some of your slick and drag it up to your clit before drawing slow circles around it.

His boxers come off next and he kneels on the bed, hard cock already bouncing as he does. Eyes fixed on your cunt as he spits in his hand and starts to coat himself in it.

“Fuck,” you mumble at his filthy action, only slightly increasing the pace in which you circle your clit. You don’t want to cum too quickly, you want to enjoy this moment.

“You rub your clit.” He groans, spitting again and wrapping his hand around his cock to start slowly stroking it. “Does it feel good?”

“Feels so good,” you say, as moans start to slip through your lips, “You look so good stroking your cock. It’s so big,” you start to murmur, “So thick. You’ve got a gorgeous cock, Dave.”

It’s been a long time since someone paid him compliments, making him feel like they mean them. His and Carol’s sex life has dropped off drastically and she claims it’s just because wanting to save it for when you’re ovulating.

You watch the way his wrist expertly flicks as he strokes himself, and reach up to soft palming your tit with your free hand. Needing so much more than you can get, you start to rub your clit faster and faster, feeling arousal dripping from you as you bite down the urge to moan his name.

“Shit.” Dave hisses, watching your hand tease your breast and he grunts as his hips rock forward into his hand. This isn’t about wanting to bite your tit and suck on it. It’s about cumming quickly and filling your womb up with his seed.

You watch the pre-cum leak from his top, groaning when he swipes it with his thumb and spreads it down his cock, “Dave,” you moan, “I’m gonna cum.”

“Good.” He grunts, shuffling closer to see, although the cup is right there for him to grab when he’s ready. “Open up your pretty little cervix to let my cum in.”

Your fingers speed up as you chase your high, his name falls effortlessly from your lips as you’re thrown over that edge. “Oh fuck.”

“Good girl.” He grunts, twisting his wrist and groaning as he feels the first blurry edge of his orgasm start to take hold. “Gonna cum.”

“Put it inside,” you beg, “Just the tip, baby. Fill me up.”

Dave groans and he knows it’s wrong, but he does it anyway. Pushing his cock down and pushing the fat tip into your cunt, he starts to cut almost immediately. Filling you with spurt after spurt of his cum as he tries desperately not to push deeper inside you. Knowing that would be so wrong and go against what you just asked him to do.

You clench down around the tip of him, loving the way he’s stretching you open. “Fuck, put a pillow under my hips.”

Tilting your hips up with his hands pushes him deeper inside you, making him groan as he reaches for the pillow. “I- fuck.” He closes his eyes and tries not to react to how good it feels.

You can’t help the moan that leaves you as he pushes deeper and presses against the spot inside of you. “Your wife might be the luckiest woman alive.”

Dave exhales roughly and breathes out. “This is just….it’s easier to do it this way, right?” He asks. “Faster than the turkey baster.”

“Yes, and more efficient.”

Dave agrees and looks back down at you. “That article said orgasms before and after male ejaculation helps conception.” He reminds you. “We could- I could stay like this and you can cum again.” He offers.

“I can play with my pussy whilst you’re still inside of me?” you ask, wanting to make sure that’s what he’s saying.

“And…” Dave bites his lip. “If I get hard again, maybe I can try again? Make sure you

ve got a good load inside you?” He knows he will get hard again, that’s no question for him.

“Yeah, that sounds good. Really good.” You say as you run a finger through your slit, before lightly teasing your clit.

He watches, telling himself again that this is only to make the baby. That way he knows if it doesn’t happen, every possible variable has been accounted for. It’s the back up plan. And if he happens to find it sexy that you are rubbing your clit while the first three inches of his cock are inside you, that’s an added benefit.

You circle your clit with a delicious intensity, biting down on your lip as you watch his face. His eyes focused on your pussy, watching your fingers play with your bundle of nerves and listening to the soft moans that fill the room. You can feel him start to harden inside of you, and you wonder how it would feel to have him filling your needy little cunt.

“Shit.” Dave breathes out, leaning over slightly as he tries not to surge deeper inside you. “Does it feel good? Playing with your clit with me inside you?” He reaches down and wraps two fingers around the base of his cock and starts to pump, trying not to touch you out of respect.

“Feels like heaven,” you say, “How does my pussy feel?”

“Like it’s going to make me cum,” Dave grunts. “Then you’re going to carry my baby for me. Our baby.”

“Fuck,” you say, rubbing your clit even faster, feeling your pussy start to flutter around his tip. “The things I want you to do to me.”

Dave hisses and closes his eyes. Knowing that it’s straying into dangerous territory. “Cum for me.”

Within seconds of his command you’re clamping down around him, your clit pulsing with pleasure as you flood his cock. His name is now a chant that you repeat over and over again.

“Shit, shit.” Dave groans, his own jerky pulls on his cock pushing him closer. “Fuck, gonna fill you up again.”

“Do it, fuck your baby into me.”

It pushes him over the edge and Dave can’t help but push completely into your cunt, filling you up as he starts to paint your walls again. “Fuck- I- I’m sorry.”

“Fuck,” you moan, “Feel so fucking good.” You pant as his cock twitches inside of you, filling you up with his warm seed.

He shouldn’t have ground into you. He shouldn’t have filled you up like that. It was cheating. Dave closes his eyes and pulls his hips back. “Are you okay?” He asks awkwardly.

“I’m okay, are you?” You say, seeing the guilt on his face and feeling your heartbreak over it.

“I’m good.” He promises you. “I just- I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry, I didn’t ask.”

“I was practically begging you.” Reaching over you gently press your hand to his cheek, “We were just making a baby. Nothing else.”

“Yeah.” Dave nods, reminding himself that it’s not like he was trying to fuck you. “Hopefully it takes.” He shoots you a grateful smile.

“I hope so. Best daddy ever.” You say with a smile.

He is grateful that you think that as he shuffles off the bed to put his clothes on. “I should let you rest.” He hums.

“You should rest as well, I’ll stay like this for a half hour and then I’ll go get some water before bed.”

“Okay.” Dave nods, biting back the urge to offer to get you the water. He hadn’t been doing things like that before he stuck his dick in you, doing it now would make it weird.

“You sure you’re okay?” You ask as he starts to make his way towards the door.

“I’m good.” He turns and shoots you a reassuring grin, “just worn out.” He lies. “Baby making is tiring and I’m an old man.”

“You’re not old,” you say with a small smile, sensing his discomfort. “Goodnight, Dave. Let’s hope we just made a baby.”

“Me too, sweetheart.” Dave turns back around, “get some rest, okay?” He doesn’t wait for you to answer, letting himself out of the door as he curses himself for being such an idiot. He should have known he was going to fuck this up.

Guilt floods you. You practically begged him to enter you, and the regret that he’s wearing so clearly on his face makes your heart hurt. You don’t think he’ll ever forgive you, and you’re not sure you deserve his forgiveness. All you can do is hope you just made a baby.

Upstairs, Dave showers and tries to reassure himself that he didn’t take things too far. You had asked him to put the tip in, and thought you asked for more but he was caught up in the moment. Still, he shouldn’t have done it without making sure it was okay.

Almost 45 minutes passes before you tiptoe upstairs and get yourself a much needed bottle of water and a snack. Deciding that you’ll get to early and make everyone breakfast, you make your way back downstairs and curl up in bed. Praying you haven’t completely fucked everything up.

****

Dave doesn’t sleep. Not because of the situation with you, but because he texted Carol and she didn’t respond. And she’s turned off her location. Not that he tracks his wife, but what if something happened to her? It makes him suspicious and he doesn’t like being suspicious. Not with the line of work he is in. So when he hears the stairs creak, he’s already nursing his second cup of coffee and the oven is warming up for cinnamon rolls.

Creeping into the kitchen, you’re greeted by the unexpected sight of Dave. Your heart once again breaks at the look on his face, clearly regretting ever hiring you and before you have time to process what you want to say, the words are slipping through your lips. “Oh god, Dave, I’m so sorry. I took advantage. You just wanted to make sure that it took, and I was so delirious with pleasure that I didn’t think. I’m so sorry. I let my attraction to you cloud my judgment. Please forgive me.”

"What?" Dave frowns, turning toward you and seeing how distraught you look. You look like you are about to cry and he stands, moving towards you to hug you but then he stops. Unsure of how to touch you right now without it turning into something else. "I took advantage." He reminds you. "I'm the one who shoved it in."

“I begged you to,” you say, tears now streaming down your cheeks. “I’m so so sorry.”

Dave walks over to you and pulls you into his arms, hating that you are crying. "We just got caught up in the moment." He decides, rubbing your back gently. "You don't need to be sorry." It was a moment, a fluke where both of you were acting impulsively.

“I just want to give you a baby, Dave, I see how badly you need this.” You sob into his shoulders, “I promise I won’t overstep anymore boundaries.”

"It's okay." He shushes you, comforting you like he would if you were one of his girls. Although you aren't one of his girls, he shouldn't feel the things that he does about you. But you are so important to him, you are going to give him a baby.

You wrap your arms around him a little tighter and try to ignore the way your traitorous heart leaps at his touch. “I’m sorry, Dave.”

"No," Dave shakes his head and he kisses your hair. "Don't be sorry. It's my fault. You didn't do anything wrong." He sighs. "Carol wanted to skip this month, I'm the one who pushed. This is all me."

“Why would she want to skip?” You say, as your head tells you to loosen your grip but your heart just wants to hold on.

"I don't know." He frowns slightly. "She didn't come home last night." He reveals softly. "And she's turned off her location."

“Oh,” you say, stepping back but letting your hands linger on him. “Maybe something happened with her sister? Have you tried calling her?”

"Tried when I came downstairs to make coffee." Dave motions to his phone. "Goes to voicemail. Texts are delivered but not read. She's got her phone off."

“What about calling her sister?” You say as you rub his shoulders, trying to reassure him.

"No." If there's something else going on, he doesn't want to discover it today. Call it putting his head in the sand, but he has other priorities. "I'll deal with it later when she comes home."

“Is there anything I can do?”

“Nothing.” He promises with a small shrug. “Unless you want to help me make breakfast.”

“Bacon and eggs to go with those cinnamon rolls? Or sausage and biscuits?”

“Bacon and eggs.” The turkey bacon and eggs always go over well with the kids. Especially with cinnamon rolls.

“On it,” you say with a smile, “Do you want more coffee?”

“There should be half a pot left, but why don’t we fill up our cups and make another?” Dave suggests with a smile, walking back over to his cup to snag it off the table.

“No coffee for me,” you announce, “Caffeine intake is being sliced. Orange juice for me!”

“I’ll make sure to pick up some more when I go to the store.” He appreciates your dedication to this.

“Thank you, Dave. Should I wake the girls or wait until breakfast is ready? I was gonna cut up some strawberries.”

“I’ll go wake them.” Dave turns and then pauses. “Carol’s been having you do a lot around here and I just want to remind you that it’s not necessary.”

“I like it,” you admit, “I love the girls. Spending time with them is one of the best parts of my day.”

"Okay." He murmurs slowly. "I just don't want you to feel like you have to."

“I know, Dave.” You start to slice the strawberries and focus on that, ignoring the tension that’s floating in the air.

"Thank you again." He says before he turns back around. "For everything."

“You’re welcome,” you say softly, before finishing up breakfast and waiting for the girls to come down.

Dave wakes the girls up, chuckling when they grumble at him but they are quickly roused from their bed by the promise of an indulgent breakfast and a morning of cartoons in their pjs. Laughing to himself when they thunder down the stairs with their stuffed animals in tow.

“Hi babies,” you say as they make a beeline to the table, “Do you want milk or juice?”

"Milk!" Molly chirps while Alice simultaneously shouts "Juice!" Dave rolls his eyes at the way the girls are so very obstinate. Unlike each other in so many ways but then so alike in others.

“So milk for Alice, and juice for Molly,” you tease, before pouring the correct drink in each of their cups. “Your daddy was just telling me about how much he enjoyed the water fight from last night and how he thinks you should do it more often. Right, Daddy?”

"Oh sure." Dave nods, cutting his eyes at them. "Next time I will be fully armed." He promises with a grin that makes their little eyes widen in delight and possibly a little bit of fear.

“We can take him. Girl power. 3 against 1. He doesn’t stand a chance,” you say as they begin to giggle.

"Keep it up and I'll get the water hose out." He warns with a dark chuckle.

“Ooh, I’m so frightened,” you tease back, “What do you girls want to do today?”

"Where's mommy?" Molly frowns, looking exactly like Dave as she does.

Sensing the discomfort in Dave you answer for him, “She is out having some girl time with her friends. I bet she’s missing her babies though. So we better have a super fun day so you can tell her everything when she’s home.”

“Can we bake?” Alice says between mouthfuls of her food, “Daddy’s favorite. Chocolate cake.”

He's grateful that you answered for him and he grins. "Daddy's favorite, huh?" He asks, raising his brow. "I think it's Ms. Alice's favorite, more than mine."

You laugh as you watch their little back and forth, “Daddy, it’s your favorite because it’s my favorite. You’re so silly.”

“That’s right.” Dave snaps his fingers and looks so disappointed in himself. “I’m so sorry for forgetting, baby.”

The rest of breakfast is spent watching Dave and his girls joke around, and silently hoping that you’re going to give this man the baby he is yearning for. The girls accompany you on a trip to target for baking supplies while Dave stays home and clears up. With a cake baked and half eaten, endless episodes of Bluey streamed and a dance party that the girls had insisted you join in with over, it’s almost their bedtime and you’re just as exhausted as they are.

You take the girls up to bed as he dishes out the Indian takeout that he had ordered for you both. Carol clearly wasn’t coming home today, and seeing as she hates Indian food, he decided to indulge in his favorite as a treat.

Dave looks over at you as he eats his curry and catches your eye. “So what are your plans after the girls go to sleep?” He asks.

“Netflix I guess,” you say with a shrug, “What about you?”

“Hopefully the same as last night.” He admits, watching you carefully.

Your breath hitches, “Let’s hope they fall asleep soon then,” you reply softly.

He watches you for a moment and then nods. He's not sure if Carol will come home tonight but he doesn't care right now. "I'm sure they will."

“You want to just put the tip in again?” You ask, as the need between your legs grows.

Dave clears his throat and bites his lip. "What do you want?"

“You.”

Huffing quietly, Dave understands what you mean but he pretends that he doesn't. "My seed you mean?"

“If that’s what you’ll give me,” you say as your heart sinks, clearly having misread the situation. “Let’s make you a baby.”

Dave murmurs your name quietly to have you look at him again. “We can- I- I don’t know what you want.”

“I want you to put the baby you want in me,” you say, before looking back down at your plate and pushing your fork around.

“No.” He shakes his head. “You said you wanted me.”

“I know what I said,” you say, before pushing your chair back and standing up, “Sounds like the movie has finished. I’m going upstairs to check on the girls.”

"Wait-" He sighs as you dart out of the room and he knows that he's blown everything. He doesn't understand what is going on and he pulls his phone out of his pocket. Opening his contacts and selecting his sister-in-law's number.

The girls are fast asleep, but snuggled up to each other and gripping onto their favorite stuffed animals. You lean over and gently kiss both of their foreheads before tucking them in, seeing no use in moving Alice to her own bed when she’s quite content with her sister. Switching the TV off and turning on the nightlight, you sneak out of the room, leaving the door open slightly and making your way downstairs.

Dave's jaw is tight, his phone nearly crushed in his hand, he's gripping it so hard. Closing his eyes as he resists the urge to put his fist through a wall, or destroy something in a rage. It wouldn't do any fucking good and it would scare the girls.

“Hey,” you say, as you enter the kitchen, seeing the expression on his face. He looks furious and heartbroken at the same time, and you’re not sure whether to immediately give him space or go over and console him.

He shakes with anger, vision going white and for a moment, it sounds as if you are muted. Underwater and sounding like you are miles away as the pressure from the blood pounding in veins rushes through his ears.

You look over to the door of the basement and look back at Dave trying to gauge what the best thing to do here is. The sadness seems to have drained from his face and been replaced with sheer anger.

It takes Dave another minute before he gets ahold of himself. Purposefully thinking about something else and recalling his breathing techniques as he closes his eyes and slows his rushing heart down.

“Dave,” you say softly, as you approach him, gently reaching out and gripping his wrist, “What happened?”

"I called Maria." He tells you quietly, his voice low, nearly inaudible. "Carol isn't with her. Hasn't been with her." He inhales roughly. "She's not been out to a girl's night with her sister in nine goddamn months."

“Oh shit,” you say, before pulling him in for a hug, “Dave, I’m so sorry. Hopefully she’ll tell you the truth when she gets back.”

"She's cheating on me." Dave growls. "Maria told me everything. Carol told her that I had 'opened our marriage'." He rolls his eyes. "Told her that you were my live-in girlfriend."

“Oh, honey,” you say, letting him go and taking a step back, “I’m so so sorry.”

"Fucking bitch." He hisses, shaking his head. "We talked about this. She must have decided that I would be so fucking busy trying for a baby that I wouldn't pay attention to her bullshit."

You don’t know what to say to console him, so you just stand there and be the listening ear he needs right now. You reach out and gently rub his shoulder.

Dave closes his eyes and sighs, shaking his head. "It's obvious that the idea to have a baby with her is done." He admits. "I'm going to be getting a divorce."

“Oh,” you say, “That makes sense. I’ll contact my Mom in the morning and see if I can crash at hers for a while. Get out of your hair.”

"No." His hand reaches out and he grabs your. "No, don't- don't do that." He asks, opening his eyes and staring at you.

“I don’t want to get in your way, Dave,” you sigh, “Do you think you still want this? Going through a divorce and juggling a newborn as a single father. It’s a lot to think about.”

"You don't have to be in my way." Dave can't possibly think rationally right now but he knows one thing, he still wants you. "I wanted to fuck you last night." He admits. "I wanted to fuck you and not fucking jerk off and cum inside you."

“Fuck,” you say, “You wanted me?” You shake your head, knowing he’s just had news that’s turned his entire life upside down right now, and no matter how you feel for him, you can’t act on it. It would be taking advantage.

"I want you." He corrects.

“Dave,” you mumble, unsure what to do. Your heart says kiss him, let him take out his pain on your body by demanding it gives him pleasure, but your head says let him go to bed. Sleep on it.

"If you don't want to, walk away." He warns you after a second, his eyes turning darker. "Go downstairs and I won't follow you. But the smallest part of you does want to, go up to my bedroom."

After staring him down for a few minutes, feeling your arousal begin to drip down your thighs, your feet make the decision for you. Turning towards the stairs and taking each step carefully. Walking to the end of the hall and pushing open the door to the master bedroom.

It's wrong on so many levels and yet, Dave doesn't feel guilty. He looks down at his hand and contemplates for a moment before he reaches for his ring to slide it off his finger. Setting it down on the kitchen table, he turns around and walks out of the room and rushes towards the stairs.

You watch him as he strolls in the room, closing the door behind him and turning to look at you. “If you want this, Dave, if you really want to fuck me... Prove it. Undress me. Lay me down and show me just how much you want me, and if I'm satisfied I’ll let you fill up this little cunt.”

Dave hums, smirking slightly at the bossiness of your sudden change of attitude. "Is that how this is going to go?" He asks, raising a brow. "I have to prove it to you?"

“I’m not the one who’s leaving a multi-year marriage,” you say before perching on the edge of the bed and watching him.

"How do you want me to prove it to you?" He asks, starting to strip all of his clothes off. "I'm thinking about what I used to imagine when I was jerking off into that cup." He admits. "You sitting on my face. Smothering me in your pretty little pussy."

“That’s what you were thinking about yesterday or before?” You ask, wanting to confirm that he’s been wanting you for a while.

"Since the first week." He admits. "It's something I wanted to know. How you tasted. It was all I thought about while fisting my cock and spilling into a cup. Giving you my cum to insert into that cunt."

“Fuck, you wanna taste my pussy?” You mewl before standing back up, “Undress me and I’ll take a seat on that gorgeous face.”

Dave reaches for you, already nude and hard, his hands eager as he pulls your clothes off. Not caring if he stretches or rips something in his haste to strip you down.

Once you’re fully naked in front of him, you grab his hand and slowly drag it up the inside of thighs, letting him feel just how much you want him. “Since you said you wanted a repeat of last night, my pussy has been dripping for you. Soaked my panties within seconds and since then it’s been spreading down my thighs.”

"Do you know how good you felt?" Dave groans. "I felt bad about it, because I wanted to do it again. I wanted to cheat on Carol." He twists his fingers and slides them through your folds. "But now, now I'm just going to fuck you and not feel bad about it, I'm not married anymore. The rest is just legal bullshit."

“Fuck me then, York,” you challenge, “You knew from the second I first saw you that I wanted you.”

Instead of saying anything, Dave grabs you and pulls you down on the bed. Laying down and pulling you on top of him.

“You want me to ride that face or your cock? I’ve never sat on someone’s face before…”

"Face first." Dave groans. "Then my cock."

You hesitate for a moment, a little uncertain of how to make sure you don’t hurt him before you move up. Lowering yourself so you’re hovering just above his mouth.

He can tell you are hesitant and he reaches up to grab you hips and yank you down onto his mouth greedily like he is man starving and you are his last meal.

“Dave,” you yelp as he pulls you down onto his face. You reach out to hold on to the headboard as you patiently wait for him to start tasting you.

He chuckles and doesn't hesitate to slide his tongue through your folds, groaning at the tangy taste of your cunt and arousal. Gripping your hips tighter and making sure that you don't move away from his greedy mouth.

“Oh, Dave,” you whimper, as he starts to lap at your clit before moving down and pushing his tongue into your cunt. “Oh, fuck.”

He groans, spearing his tongue up into you while his nose presses against your clit. Rocking you back and forth to provide some friction.

“Dave,” you pant, over and over, as you start to rock your hips. The sensation is new, you’ve never really been with anyone who makes your pleasure a priority and he’s eating your pussy like a man starved.

Your taste, your moans has him aching as he gets exactly what he wants. Letting go of one of your hips, he reaches down and starts to wrap his fist around his cock. Groaning into your cunt like he is pained.

You rock your hips faster as you near your high, his mouth working magic on you. You throw your head back in pleasure and as you do you catch a glimpse of something moving, turning your head slightly you see him fisting his cock as he groans into your pussy. “Fuck, my pussy taste that good, baby? That you’ve got to fuck your own fist?”

He can't answer you because it means that he would have to pull his lips away from your cunt. Not willing to pull his tongue out of your warmth for a single second while you are dripping into his mouth. He groans, doubling down on his efforts to make you cum.

The only word you’re able to speak is his name, it falls out of your mouth over and over as he works you towards your high. Your thighs tighten around his head, as you start to cum. Hands gripping onto the headboard as you flood his face.

Dave hisses, his fist tight around his cock and squeezing so that he doesn't cum. Nearly ready to from the sweetness of your release and your cries.

“Fuck,” you murmur as you lift yourself off of his face, “Hi, baby.” You giggle as you look down at his soaked face.

"Hi." He smirks, a little pussy drunk and he lets go of his cock so he can stroke your hip.

“Can I kiss you?” You ask, as you run your hands through his hair, loving how blissed out he looks.

"Yes." He nods as he looks up at you. He's wanted to kiss you, and now there is nothing to stop him.

Wasting no time, the second he gives you permission you smash your lips against his. Not caring that they’re still damp with your arousal, you lick across his bottom lip as a silent plea for entry.

It's been years since Dave has kissed someone besides Carol. The pecks on the lips with the girls don't count. Years since he has kissed someone like he was going to devour them. And that is exactly what the kiss between the two of you turns into.

You moan freely into his mouth, letting him take the lead as he kisses you with an intensity that makes your heart flutter. Reaching down you grip his cock, giving it slow languid strokes.

"Fuck." Dave groans, twitching in your fist but he thinks of something and pulls away. "Do you- do you want me to wear a condom?" He asks breathlessly.

“Fuck no,” you say before pulling him back for another kiss.

He moans into your mouth, needing to be inside you now that there is nothing stopping him. "Ride me." He begs.

“Yes, sir,” you giggle, lining yourself up with him and slowly sinking down. Moaning from the stretch of him. “Fast or slow, baby?”

"Fuck." He groans. "You could just stay right there." He promises, watching you as you adjust to him in this new position.

“You just want me to keep your fat cock warm?”

You could, he wouldn't have any problem with you just sitting on his cock all night but he thinks you want more. "Later." He groans, pushing your hip with his hand, urging you to move. "Remember that I can't keep going if you make me cum too quickly."

“You can use your mouth and fingers though,” you say before grinding down on him, loving his filthy groans. “How often did you play with cock and think of me?” You ask as you rock your hips back and forth, nice and slowly.

"Every fucking time." Dave grunts, bracing his feet on the bed and starts to roll his hips up to meet yours. "Every fucking time I jerked off."

“Fuck,” you groan, before increasing your speed. “I think about you too,” you admit, “Those fucking shoulders. Imagined you putting my legs over them so you could fuck me deeper.”

Dave hisses, rocking his hips up harder. "Yeah?" He asks. "You knew how big my cock was before last night?"

“It’s honestly bigger than I was imagining,” you say before gasping, “And I was imagining a big cock.”

He grunts proudly, grabbing your hips and pulling you down to make sure he grinds deep into you. Wanting to make you feel every inch of him.

“You gonna make me cum on it,” you challenge as you snap your hips forward.

"Fuck yes." He hisses, gritting his teeth and snapping his hips up hard enough to make you bounce.

“Dave,” you gasp, as he forces the air out of your lungs, you bounce up and down on his length, grabbing one of his hands and placing it on your tit.

Dave palms you tit and squeezes it, grunting at how perfect it fits in his hand. Watching as you ride his cock like you had imagined and yet, it is so much better.

He fucks into that delicious spot with ease, making you almost delirious with pleasure. With a few more rolls of your hips, you find your walls fluttering around him, before clamping down, choking his cock and cumming hard.

Dave groans, wrapping his arms around you and he takes over. Feeling that you can’t move anymore and he starts thrusting up into you like his life depends on it.

“Fill me up,” you plead, grateful for the change in power right now. “Please, baby.”

"I will, fuck, I will." Dave groans out your name. Starting to chant it with every thrust of his hips. Until he finally pushes deep and starts to cum, filling you up just like you begged him to.

You love the way he overwhelms you, everyone of your senses are on fire in the most delicious way and it’s because of him. “Fuck,” you groan as he finishes filling you up, “So many nights of imagining this, and it was a million times better than I ever could have imagined.”

He nods, panting as he closes his eyes. "I- I shouldn't' have wanted it, but I did." He admits, holding you close. "It's so much fucking better than I ever thought of."

You giggle, loving the way he reacts to it. Still buried deep in your pussy, and groaning as your flutter and clamp down around him. “You wanna wake me up with your cock?” You ask before pressing a kiss to his lips.

“I can do that.” He doesn’t motion for you to get off him, and sighs softly. “I need to ask you a question though.”

“Should I be worried?” You ask, as you shuffle off of him. Sitting on the edge of the bed, instead of climbing in next to him.

“No?” He frowns, shaking his head and looking down at his hands before he starts talking. “Now that- now that Carol and I aren’t going to be staying together….if you wanted to stop this…surrogacy, I understand.” He tells you. “I know it’s not what you signed up for.”

“What do you want?” You ask, before running your hands through your hair. “I know how good of a dad you are, and despite what I said earlier, if anyone could juggle a newborn and all of this… it would be you. And I'd be here to help and breastfeed for as long as you need me.”

He blows out a small sigh and he shakes his head. “You don’t want what I’ve discovered I want.”

“What do you want?” You say, confusion evident on your face.

“I want to do this with…..with a partner, but you don’t want to be a parent and I don’t want you to feel like you have to.” He’s not saying things right and he shakes his head. “Just forget I said something. It’s not a good idea.”

“If you’re asking me to have a baby with you, you’re going to have to at least take me out to dinner first.” You say, before giggling and moving your face up to his, “Kiss me, idiot.”

He closes his eyes and shakes his head but he leans in to kiss you. “I don’t know when I started imagining raising the baby with you.” He confesses. Maybe it was all the time you spent together, but he hadn’t imagined you leaving after the baby was weaned.

“Can’t pretend my heart didn’t stutter when you said ‘our baby’ last night,” you admit, “But we have to be smart here. The girls. Carol. The fact we haven’t even been on a date yet… And honestly I could be pregnant right now… We need to sit and have a conversation out of this post sex haze.” You climb into bed next to him and lightly press a kiss to his lips, “Right now I know two things… 1. How badly I want you. 2. We have a lot to figure out.”

“We’ll figure them out.” Dave promises, wrapping his arms around you, “I want to figure them out.”

“Me too. You wanna be the little or big spoon, baby?” You ask before you pepper a kiss on his shoulder.

It’s been a hard day and he chuckles to himself. “Would you think less of me if I wanted to be the little spoon?”

“Not at all, baby.” Letting go of him, so he can shift around in your arms.

Dave turns over and sighs when you wrap your arms around him. Finding comfort in the fact that you care about him. Carol cheating on him is going to change everything in his and his girls life, but it might be for the better. He might get to have you.

“Goodnight, my love,” you mumble against his warm skin, placing a few kisses between his shoulder blades and wrapping your arms just a little tighter.

****

When Dave wakes up, he smiles as he feels your arm still around him. Apparently neither one of you moved during the night. He hums, shifting slowly as he turns to face you.

You wake up to Dave shifting in your arms, and you can’t help the smile that spreads across your face. One of his hands slowly rubs the bottoms of your back as you move a little closer to him, “Good morning, you sleep ok?” Your mumble sleepily.

“Never woke up.” Which for him was a miracle. He smiles, admiring the way that you are struggling to keep your eyes open. “You look beautiful first thing.”

“Flatterer. And good, I’m glad, I didn’t either. Slept like a baby.” You say as you press yourself up against him. Grinning when you feel how hard he is already.

"Good." You had said you wanted him to wake you up on his cock, but you managed to open your eyes before he could get into position. So now he leans in and kisses you while rolling you onto your back.

You let him mould your body as he pleases, his mouth refusing to leave yours as he climbs on top of you, his fingers snaking between your bodies and slowly circling your clit.

Instead of rush through things to push inside you, Dave decides to take it slow. He's got all morning, the girls won't be up for at least another hour and on Sundays they liked to watch cartoons before the designated brunch time.

“Feels so good,” you moan as he plays with your clit, his lips lightly ghosting your neck as you moan his name. “You want me to stroke your cock, baby?”

"No." He kisses along your neck and nuzzles your pulse, inhaling the scent of you. Warm and soft with sleep, arousal now mixing with it. "Gonna slide inside you of you soon enough."

“Sounds perfect,” you say quietly, loving how perfectly you fit together, “Keep the pace nice and slow.”

"Lazy lovin' Sunday." He hums, smiling against your skin.

“Sign me up for more,” you say with a soft laugh, “All of them.”

"Yeah?" He huffs quietly, rocking his hard cock against your mound slowly. "You want to do this every Sunday?"

“Baby, I want to do it everyday,” you say as his fingers rub a little harder, your orgasm just teetering over the edge.

“Don’t know if I could do it everyday.” He chuckles. “Getting old.”

“Doesn’t seem that way to me,” you choke out, as pleasure explodes behind your little bundle of nerves, cumming with a soft moan of his name, as he whispers soft praises in your ear.

When you come back down, Dave pulls his hand away so he can slide between your thigh. Pressing against you and slowly rocking his hips forward as he starts to sheath his cock in the tight walls of your pussy.

One of your hands gently holds onto the back of his head, while the other one grips onto his hip. The heft of him a glorious stretch, as he pushes himself in, taking his time and giving you a moment to adjust once he’s filled you to the hilt. “Could stay like this forever.”

"Have to eventually eat." He teases, nudging his nose against yours and then kissing your lips.

“You’re gorgeous, did you know?” You say after he softly kisses your lips.

"Distracting me." He hums, kissing you again. "You are the gorgeous one." He murmurs quietly, starting to slowly move. "You were going to sacrifice your body, your womb to give me a baby."

“Oh, you feel so good,” you whine as he starts a slow but delicious rhythm, notching against paradise. “How could I say no to those big brown eyes?”

"Ask everyone who turned me down." He hums, flashing you a small smile and trying not to let Carol's betrayal affect him, affect this. He shouldn't have fallen in love with you, but he did and he's not going to apologize for it.

“Their loss is my gain,” you say, “But no one else but me and you exist right now.” You whisper into his ear.

"No one else." It might be ironic, promising fidelity when he is technically cheating on his wife, but he feels single. Or at least his emotional attachment to Carol severed the moment he learned about her affair.

“Make love to me,” you whisper softly into his ear, “Please.”

It's soft, sweet. Dave takes his time and doesn't try to push anything but the softest sounds out of you. Each slow thrust accompanies a kiss and some praise.

Your hands trail the expanse of his shoulders, dipping down his back and finding home on his hips, you can feel that delicious pressure building but you don’t want to let go just yet, needing desperately to fall off that ledge at the same time.

"Baby." Dave groans quietly in your ear. "Need you to cum for me."

“Call me baby, again,” you say, before clamping down around him, “Cum with me.”

"Baby." He grunts, pushing his hips a little harder. "Baby." He feels his body tensing. "Baby." He chokes out before he buries himself deep and pours himself into you.

You clamp down around him hard. Cumming with the softest, sweetest whimper of his name. Your arms wrap around him as he groans your name once more, before dropping down and capturing your lips in a bruising kiss.

He pulls away only when he finally needs to take a breath, humming softly as he reaches up and caresses your cheek.

“You know I’m going to expect you to exclusively call me baby now I know how good it sounds?” You laugh as you push his hair back out of his face.

He chuckles and nods. "Figured."

“Sorry to darken the mood, but she’s probably going to be home today,” you sigh, “With work tomorrow. You want to spend a few nights downstairs with me until it’s all figured out?”

Dave sighs and he hates to acknowledge that but he nods. "Yeah." He leans down and kisses you again. "Just until I can get her ass served with divorce papers."

“At least we can be loud down there,” you say as you nuzzle your nose against his, “That’s if you’re not ‘too old’ to go again later.”

He snorts and shakes his head. "Might be." He jokes, nudging his nose against yours. "But you need to shower." He smirks at you playfully. "You smell like sex."

“So do you.” Kissing his lips once more you gently push him off you and climb out of bed, “Wanna join me?”

"I shouldn't." He admits, sitting down on the bed. "Just in case she comes home or the girls wake up."

“Guess it’ll just be me and my imagination then,” you say with a fake huff, “I’ll see you after, we can make the girls breakfast again.”

"Hey." Dave calls out and smirks at you when you turn to look at him. "I love you."

“I love you too.” You say, before slipping downstairs to shower.

****

The morning goes by in a blurred frenzy, Molly tells you that she needs 36 cupcakes to take to school with her tomorrow, and with Carol not back it’s down to you to bake them.

It’s only once you’ve finished frosting the final cake that you hear her car pull up onto the drive and Dave flashes an annoyed glance in your direction.

"Girls, why don't you go upstairs and play?" Dave suggests, ignoring the way they whine and try to stall, but he breathes a sigh of relief when they disappear to go upstairs. He turns towards you and watches you carefully. "Do you want to go downstairs?"

“Do you want me to? I can go if you want or stay and support you. Either way is fine.”

"I'm not going to confront her about everything." He tells you. "But I don't want you to face her wrath if she gets pissy."

“I can take it, but if you want me to go, I’ll go, baby.” You say before reaching out and caressing his cheek, sighing at the sound of her key turning in the door. Peppering the quickest of kisses on his lips.

He should send you away, but he doesn't. Realizing how much you care about him because you are willing to face whatever mood Carol is in just to stand beside him. He looks at you softly before his eyes harden as the door opens and Carol calls out. "In the kitchen." He calls back, voice flat.

“You’ve got this,” you whisper before briefly squeezing his hand. You both say nothing as she waltzes back in the house, tossing her car keys down on the counter and immediately going to the refrigerator and getting herself a bottle of water.

"Where have you been?" Dave asks quietly, sitting at the table watching as she twists the cap off the bottle and guzzles down half of it.

She giggles before slamming the bottle down, “Oh, Dave, you won’t believe it,” she says with a roll of her eyes and a huge grin splashed across her face, “Me, Maria and Tanya had one too many and ended up in Atlantic City! Of course I didn’t have my charger so I couldn’t contact you, but it was so great! Exactly what Maria needed.”

"Is it?" At least Maria hadn't lied when she told Dave that she wouldn't breathe a word of their conversation to Carol. She had been horribly apologetic, nearly tearful when she realized her sister had lied to her. "Is she feeling better now, then?" He asks.

“So much better,” she says before finishing the rest of her water, “I can’t believe we ended up there… The AmTrak really shouldn’t run at that time of night. Anyway I should shower…” She turns to look at you, “Could you have lunch ready when I get back downstairs? I’m starved.”

"She is not the maid." Dave reminds his wife. "Fix your own damn food."

“Excuse me?” Carol says, raising her eyebrow, “She lives here rent free, she can fix me a damn sandwich. What is your problem, David?”

"My problem is that you were supposed to be home two days ago, Carol." Dave doesn't raise his voice, he doesn't shout or throw anything. "You didn't call, you didn't give a fucking shit if your husband or your children knew if you were okay. You waltz back in and ask our surrogate to fix you a fucking sandwich."

“I told you I couldn’t call. Maria needed me, Dave. This is my home, she’s living here for free in exchange for me pumping her full of your cum. A sandwich won’t kill her.”

"Don't say it like that." Dave huffs. "You agreed that that was what you wanted. Have you changed your mind?"

She rolls her eyes dramatically, and she shakes her head. “No honey, you could just be a little more accommodating when it comes to the needs of my family.”

"Go take your damn shower." Dave tells her. "I'll fix you a fucking sandwich."

“No, she will fix me a sandwich. I need you to pack me an overnight bag, Maria wants us to go to the spa tonight. Last minute deal on groupon.”

“Carol.” Dave frowns at his wife and shakes his head. “It’s Sunday. I have work tomorrow. I’m not going to a spa.”

“Oh, honey,” she says with a laugh, “I meant me and Maria. Not ‘us’.”

Dave’s hands are on his hips and he contemplates just packing her a bag and letting her go. Taking the easy way out but he shakes his head. “Sure, Carol. Whatever you say.”

“Dave,” you say, as he lets her walk over him, “You deserve better than this.”

“Excuse me?” She scoffs at you, as you continue to focus on him. “Who the hell do you think you are?”

“I talked to Maria yesterday.” Dave announces, staring at Carol.

“What?” She splutters, “When?”

“Don’t worry about when.” He huffs and grits his teeth. “Where were you really?”

She sighs and walks over to Dave, wrapping her arms around his neck and pouting, “I just needed a few days to myself, baby, this whole surrogacy thing is so stressful. I’m sorry.”

He pulls away from her, knocking her arms from around his neck, “you owe me at least the fucking truth, Carol.” He hisses. “Be honest. For fucking once.”

“Leave,” she hisses at you, “You’re the reason I felt like I needed to escape my family for a few days.”

“Oh, that wasn’t Robert that made you feel the need to leave?” Dave sneers.

“What exactly did Maria tell you?” She says, clearly relenting and sitting on the stool behind her. “Make her leave and we can talk honey, we don’t need her meddling in our business.”

“She can stay.” Dave shakes his head and scoffs. “Maria told me enough, don’t worry.” He promises her. “My lawyer’s already been called.”

“Saline.” She says with a smirk, “You were right. I didn’t want another baby, but I knew you were adamant you wanted us to try surrogacy.” She turns to look at you and laughs, “Looks like he has no use for you anymore either, no chance you’re knocked up with salt water.”

He nods, furious but at least he knows why it didn't seem like the inseminations were working. "How long have you been fucking this guy Robert, Carol?" He asks, holding up his hand when you start to speak.

“Doesn’t matter,” she shrugs, “He ended it last night. The spa trip was a cover up to go and get some of my stuff I left at his.” She admits, no point in lying anymore.

"How fucking long?" Dave demands, his voice hardening slightly and his eyes dark.

“Just over a year,” she scoffs, “Does it matter? Do we really need to be having this conversation in front of her? She should have started packing her bags the second I told you both about the saline.”

"No, but you can pack your bags." Dave tells her, crossing his arms over his chest. "Get out of my house, Carol. We are done."

“No, we are not,” she shrugs, “We can find another surrogate and try again. We will have the baby and move on together.”

“No,” you say, courage coursing through your veins, “He will have a baby, but it will be with me. And I’ll spend the rest of my life doing the one thing you were too stupid to do, and I’ll show him how appreciated and loved he is.”

Dave lifts a brow at your impassioned speech and smirks at the way Carol's jaw drops in surprise. "I've already given my lawyer the evidence, Carol." He tells her. "Just like I'm going to forward this video of you confessing to adultery to him."

She ignores Dave and instead sneers at you, “You’ll get bored of him. Just like I did. I’d run if I was you, get out of here as quickly as you can.”

“I’m good,” you say before reaching out and grabbing his hand, “Fell in love with him that very first day in the cafe. Fell even harder watching how incredible a father he is, fell some more when he made love to me this morning. Will continue to fall harder and harder for the rest of my life.”

"Get out, Carol." Dave tells her quietly, squeezing your hand and looking over at you with soft love in his eyes. "I'll tell the girls you will be there to see them this weekend, but I want you to go. You made your choice, so I've made mine." His choice is you. You and his girls and whatever kids you might have together.

“I’ll be back tomorrow,” she scoffs before grabbing her keys, “And i’ll be ready for you to apologize, so we can move on from this. Make sure that little slut is out of our basement before I get back.”

He sighs and shakes his head, watching her walk away and doesn't flinch when the door slams behind her. "Gonna have to change the fucking locks." He sighs before he looks over at you and grins. "You heard her. You need to be out of the basement by tomorrow."

“I heard her loud and clear, baby,” you say before pulling him in for a heated kiss, “I’m just thinking about how you’re planning on fucking this little slut tonight.”

"Might be too tired from moving all your stuff into the master bedroom." He smirks, wrapping his arms around you. "Unless you're still ovulating."

“Oh I think moving can wait until the morning,” you smirk, “Save that energy ‘old man’, Daddy is going to be railing the fuck out of this little pussy tonight.”

“Sounds good to me baby.” Dave smirks and pulls you close. “Tonight we’re going to make our baby.” He promises.

“Keep calling me, baby, and we can make our baby right here and right now.” You tease, before kissing him hard and slow. “I was telling the truth by the way, fell in love with you the second I saw those big gorgeous brown eyes.”

He hums, knowing that you mean it. His hand slides down and he cups your ass. "I started falling in love with you while you've been living here." He admits, knowing you will understand that. "But I think that it's fair enough to say that I am completely in love with you, baby."

“Good,” you say before scrunching up your nose and nuzzling it against his, “Guess now I can tell you about the sex dream I keep having.”

"Tell me all about it." Dave pulls you close and closes his eyes. He's still hurt about Carol's betrayal, about her tearing their family apart. But he also has to thank her for it. If she hadn't been unfaithful, he wouldn't have met you, he wouldn't have fallen in love with you and he wouldn't be planning on creating a life with you.

“Keep dreaming about slowly riding your cock, your lips wrapped around one of my nipples, tasting the milk I make for our baby. Listening to you telling me how sweet it is. How sweet I am. Before tasting more.”

“That sounds more like a prediction than a dream.” Dave murmurs. He had already thought about watching you breastfeed and seeing your tits full of milk, and how he won’t have to deny those thoughts. “Let’s see if we can’t make dreams come true.”

“I would love to. I love you, Dave York.”

****

[SIX MONTHS LATER]

You groan at the clock next to you, reading 4:23AM. Your pregnancy cravings refuse to let up, but your aching and swollen feet makes it too difficult to get up and out of bed.

You don’t want to wake him, he’s been so supportive, so wonderful and spends a good forty minutes every evening luring you to sleep with his tongue. Knowing it’s the only thing that relaxes you enough to sleep. But you had made the decision to attempt to ignore your craving after dinner and it’s come back to bite you in the ass. You groan again as you think about the rocky road in the freezer, calling your name.

Wordlessly, he sits up and presses a kiss to your forehead and before you can apologize for waking him, he’s shushing you and getting out of bed.

A few minutes later he returns with a pint of ice cream, two spoons and two gatorades.

“What did I do to deserve you?” You say softly, feeling tears spring up in your eyes and immediately start to stream down your cheeks. Pregnancy hormones make you a lot weepier than usual.

"You answered an ad." He teases, setting down the gatorades and reaching up to wipe away your tears. "I knew you were going to want ice cream." He teases, leaning in and kisses your lips softly. He motions to the ice cream. "Go ahead and have your ice cream baby, I'm going to talk to him."

“God, I love you,” you say, ripping the cover of the ice cream and digging in. Watching as he gently rests his head on your tummy and starts to talk to your unborn son. The immediate kicking as soon as he hears his Daddy’s voice makes you both smile. Answering that ad had been the best decision you had ever made, you reach down and caress his face after finishing up the ice cream. “I love you so much. Love our girls. Love our boy. I love you, Dave.”

"Love you too, baby." He promises, kissing your ice cream flavored lips with a smile. "Thank you for our son, thank you for loving me and the girls." There's a ring on your finger, not quite yet a wedding ring since you want to wait until after the baby is born, but the divorce was finalized last month and he can't wait to make you Mrs. Dave York. "Love you so much."

“Me too, baby. I love you.”

#pedro pascal #dave york #dave york x reader #dave york x you #dave york x f!reader #dave york smut #dave york fanfiction #dave york equalizer 2 #dave york imagine

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ticklees · 6 months ago

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Love and Deepspace tickle headcanons

Zayne, Xavier, Rafayel, and Sylus (This is very mediocre and these are all my opinions! There are my first ever headcanons I think, so I hope I did alright.)

Headcanons below the cut ↓

Zayne

I don't see Zayne as a ler for some reason! I feel like he'd have to be told to tickle you. He'd be hesitant at first, but slowly give in. Once you start laughing, he'll become more and more intrigued, and eventually, you won't have to ask him to tickle you anymore.

After that phase, his favorite spot to tickle would be the ribs. He would scratch his fingernails up and down the grooves of your ribcage, watching as you gleefully squirm under his body. He'll count how many bones you have in your ribcage by squeezing every one he can feel, then claim that you have an irregular amount of rib bones.

He definitely subconsciously tickles you when you two kiss. When his hands run under your shirt and he's holding you in his lap, he'll accidentally dig a few fingers into your sides while holding your waist in place with his free arm.

Xavier

Xavier is super cute and I know that he's a gentle tickler as a fact. He loves light and gentle tickling, never going overboard or making you laugh too hard. While you're cuddling, he'll sneak a hand under your shirt and slowly caress your belly with a singular finger until you giggle. Then, he'll ask you what's wrong and move that finger to your ribs while chuckling to himself.

His favorite spot to tickle is the belly and palms. I can imagine him tracing the lines on your palms with the intent of making you squirm, but insisting that he's just interested in the lines. As for the belly, he definitely gives it light raspberries while holding your hands above your head. When his head comes up, he'll peck your forehead with a kiss and begin wiggling his fingers all over your stomach until you smile.

Rafayel

I know I've written all of the boys as lers, but I imagine him being tickled more than him doing the tickling. Maybe it's because he's adorable, but I can see him holding you in his arms while asking you to tickle his neck or chest because it "feels good".

When he begins to frequently ask for this, you become skeptical and ask if he likes being tickled elsewhere. He'd be offended and embarrassed at first, but after some thought, he'd agree.

His most ticklish spots are his ribs and feet. His ribs are super sensitive from his **** (spoilers). He loves the feeling of your fingernails running up and down the edges of his ribcage, gently showing each bone in it equal love. His feet are also horribly ticklish. He can't stand being tickled there for long but puts himself through it anyway. He's most ticklish under his toes and on the center of his arches.

Sylus

Sylus would tickle you until you piss yourself and then some. JK (not really), but he's definitely a mean ler. He'll pin your body beneath his and make you beg for mercy while drilling his fingertips anywhere that elicits any form of laughter. He'll find stupid reasons to punish you with tickling, he'll even lure you into saying something that he apparently deems offensive just so that he can feel justified when he grabs you by the waist and begins tickling the life out of you.

I don't feel like he has any favorite spots to tickle. If he does, it's wherever makes you scream and laugh the loudest. I can see him holding you and testing every inch of skin on your body with light wiggles and jabs to see exactly where you're ticklish.

Sylus would definitely tickle you in public as well. His hands will be in his lap one moment, then the next they'll be sneakily making their way to your thighs where they gently squeeze just to tease you. I doubt that he'd stop if you told him to. I can see him pretending like he's doing nothing to you, making sure to hide his hands so that everyone around you thinks you're laughing for no reason.

#love and deepspace headcanons #lads #lnd #zayne #rafayel #xavier #sylus #tickle headcanons #tickle hcs #tickling

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fluentmoviequoter · 8 months ago

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Promises from Your Side

Requested Here!

Pairing: Javier Esposito x fem!neighbor!reader

Summary: Your neighbor Javi is flirty, but you try not to read much into it. When you're targeted because of a case he's working, you learn that he means everything he says and feels the same as you.

Warnings: angst, r is attacked (not graphic), mention of staying in the hospital, Spanish petnames, fluff and comfort

Word Count: 2.4k+ words

A/N: This is my first time writing for Javi!!! I hope it's okay and he's not too out of character. (I also haven't finished Castle so there's def no spoilers.) Please feel free to let me know what you think and I hope you enjoy!🤍

Javier Esposito is the life of the party and the NYPD detectives. So, when you hear him sigh heavily on his way down the hall, you’re surprised. His eyes are on his feet when he comes into your view, and you stop with your key in the lock to watch him.

“Are you okay, Javi?” you ask softly, pulling your hands together.

“Better now,” he flirts. His eyes rise to yours, and he smiles, but it’s not the same as usual. Something happened; you can tell that much.

“Do you want to talk about it, or…”

“If we start talking it’s not going to be about my long day, chica.”

You press your lips together and look down. Javi flirts with you as often as he can, and though you have an ever-growing crush on your unattainable neighbor, you constantly tell yourself it’s just his personality.

“Sorry,” he adds.

“For what?” you question.

“You looked away again. I’ll try to control myself.”

“I’ll believe that when I see it. Or don’t,” you joke lightly.

“Is that a challenge, hermosa?”

Javi steps closer to you, and you smile as you nod. Even if Javi Esposito is the definition of ‘out of your league,’ there’s no rule that says you can’t have a little fun with him, right? Javi extends his right hand with his head cocked challengingly. You wipe your hand on your top before you place your palm on his. Javi wraps his fingers around your hand and pulls you closer.

“Game on,” he whispers.

“I think you’re already losing,” you murmur, though your breathlessness tells Javi he’s doing the opposite of losing.

His phone buzzes in his pocket, and your hand falls to your side as he retrieves it. You watch Javier’s expression change as he reads the message.

“I have to go back to the station,” he tells you without looking up. “I’ll try again tomorrow.”

“Sure, you will, vaquero.”

Javi leaves without acknowledging your Spanish (and ego-boosting) nickname, and you know that whatever case he is working on must be rough. As you enter your apartment, you remind yourself that Javi has plenty of people who can help and comfort him. Maybe one day you’ll challenge yourself to tell him how you feel about him. Today, the idea alone gives you shivers.

“Nice timing, Ryan!” Javi yells.

“You just got here; how are you already mad at me?” Ryan replies.

“It’s probably your fault,” Castle interjects.

“No!” Javi argues. He turns to point at Castle as he accuses, “It’s your fault. This entire case is your fault, and now everyone we care about is in danger!”

“How was I supposed to know a homicidal maniac would get obsessed with my new book?”

“Boys!” Beckett shouts. “This isn’t helping. If we want to get this guy off the street before he does something else, something worse, we have to keep working the case.”

“Wait,” Ryan says. “Nice timing on what, Espi?”

“The text about someone targeting our loved ones,” Javi answers. “What else?”

“I didn’t send you a text.”

Castle stands and walks toward the murder board. Beckett asks to see the text and reads it several times with her brows pinched. Javi shifts on his feet, worried about you and wondering how this qualifies as working the case.

“It’s not that hard to hack messages,” Beckett points out as she returns Javi’s phone.

“Even easier to send a text when you’re in the room with the phone,” Castle adds.

“Castle, what?”

Castle points to a note on the murder board and explains, “He was here.”

“You may be getting closer but it’s still ice cold,” Ryan reads. “This is a restricted area. I’ll check the cameras. Javi, find the sign-in sheet. Beckett, Castle… do whatever it is you two do.”

As you sit in bed and think about Javi, someone knocks on your door. The clock on your phone says it’s a few minutes after 10 p.m., and you know you aren’t expecting company. You stay in place, assuming the person is at the wrong apartment, and will realize in a moment. A minute ticks by slowly, and there’s no second knock.

“That’s what I thought,” you mumble.

In the dark, you let your thoughts wander back to the conversation with Javi in the hallway. He pulled you close, flirted, and called you things that you’ve never thought of yourself as. You smile to yourself, but a quick tapping noise draws your attention. It stops quickly, but you keep your eyes on the door. The lights in your apartment are still on, so you decide to walk out of your room and see if something fell. The building is old, so you’re used to odd noises here and there, but the tapping is one you haven’t grown immune to.

When you step into your living room and see the door standing open, you realize that what you heard was far worse than the floorboards creaking above you. Turning quickly to retrieve your phone, you don’t see someone reach for the light switch. You run into your room when the lights turn off, but the footsteps behind you are faster than yours. You’re tackled to the floor before you can get your phone to call for help.

The man above you leans his weight against your shoulders to keep you pinned down. “You’re special,” he says.

“I’m not,” you argue weakly. “I’m not.”

“That’s not what Detective Javier Esposito of NYPD Homicide said.”

“He’s just my neighbor.” Your voice drops halfway through your sentence, and the man above you laughs at your growing shyness and fear.

“Let’s see if he keeps talking when he has one more murder to solve. What did the character say again? ‘It stays in the family, blood or other.’ Rick Castle was onto something this time. Some families just need to go away.”

“It’s just a story,” you say through scared tears.

“And yours is ending.”

He raises one hand, and you brace yourself for a hit. When his hand slides to his pocket instead, you choke on a cry and close your eyes. You continue to think about Javi, but this time, you can only imagine him coming home and saving you.

“Shocker,” Javi grumbles as he looks through the sign-in sheet. “Half of them are illegible.”

“How’s the camera looking, Ryan?” Beckett asks.

“The camera is in that corner over there, so we can see a lot of people’s back walking past the board, stopping beside it to talk or waste time. But nothing else. The lights glare on that side of the board, too, so I can’t even tell what time the note appeared.”

“That’s great,” Beckett sighs. “So, what do we do instead?”

Javi’s phone rings. His brows raise as he reads the caller ID, but he answers quickly and greets, “Hey, cariño. Miss me already?”

“Who is he talking to?” Beckett whispers.

“It’s Javi,” Castle points out. “That could be anyone.”

“No, it couldn’t,” Ryan adds.

“Talk to me,” Javi requests. Javi says your name as he stands, and Ryan gestures in a see? motion. “Are you okay? Are you hurt?” Javi demands.

With each hit the man above you delivers, and every threat that he makes, you go farther into your bedroom. You use your hands and feet to push you, and even though he follows you into a corner where you’re pinned, you know that you are going the right way. When Javi first met you, he gave you something for ‘those long nights when he’s away from you.’ The taser has been in a drawer since then, but this is one of those nights.

“Pinned yourself in a trap, didn’t you?” the murderer taunts. “You shy types make it too easy.”

He turns away from you, and you take the chance to pull your taser from the drawer. As you depress the trigger and the man tips backward rigidly, you scramble backward, away from him. The man groans before he crawls forward to stand. You push yourself against the wall and raise the taser again.

“I’ll be back,” he threatens shakily.

You watch as he staggers out of your room. He slams the door behind him, and you hear something snap on the other side. The front door closes loudly too, and you know you only have a few moments to call for help. After you get your phone and make sure the taser has another cartridge in it, you crawl into your closet and duck behind your hamper. Tears continue to stream down your face and your breathing comes in ragged, shallow exhales. You count to 100, ignoring the pain radiating throughout your body, then dial Javi’s number.

Javi answers after two rings, and you don’t consider the fact that you’ve never called him while he was at work before until he says, “Hey, cariño. Miss me already?”

You don’t answer, but his voice causes a buried sob to well up, and it breaks through, interrupting your labored breathing.

When Javi speaks again, he’s more serious than you imagined he could be.

“Talk to me,” he requests. “Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

“Javi,” you cry. “He’s coming back.”

“I’m on my way.”

You hear two voices, male and female, call Javi’s name. He doesn’t answer and you see a mental image of him leaving his partners Beckett and Ryan – who you’ve met once – to get to you. Of all the things Javier Esposito is or claims to be, you always knew he was a good guy beneath the flirting and meaningless advances.

As Javi rushes out, Beckett and Ryan look at each other and shrug. They know about you and Javi, probably more than you and Javi do. Despite his track record for flirting with every woman he sees, the way he treats you has always been different.

“Mi cielo, breathe,” Javi reminds you. You hear his car engine rev as he speaks.

You close your eyes and try to pretend that Javi is sitting beside you, but until he is, you won’t be okay. And even then, you’ll have injuries and pain to think about.

“I’m here,” Javi says. “I’m going to kick your door in. It’s just me.”

“He’s coming back.”

Javi kicks the front door open, and you flinch harshly at the sound. Your phone drops because of your sudden movement, and Javi breaks your bedroom door down before you can retrieve it.

“Cariño!” Javi calls.

You push the hamper out of the way and look up at Javi with tearful eyes. His eyes darken before he steps toward you. Slowly, he kneels beside you as his eyes roam your body. You look down slowly, but Javi stops you with a kind hand on your chin.

“You tased him,” Javi whispers. “Good job.”

“How do you-“

“Officer found him in the bathroom.”

“He said he’d come back.”

Javi sits back and pulls you into his arms. Your injuries are worse than what he expected to see, but he needs to hold you just as much as you need to be held. With your face against his shoulder, you inhale deeply and whisper, “Thank you.”

“Por siempre y para siempre,” Javi promises softly.

Carefully, Javi removes his arms from around you and moves backward. He helps you stand and demands you go to the hospital. When his hand slides into yours, you don’t argue with his instructions.

After two nights in the hospital, you return to your apartment building. Both of your hands are clasped around one of Javi’s as he leads you to the elevator. He hasn’t left your side since he found you hiding in the closet, and you aren’t sure you can survive being away from him again.

The elevator doors open, and you step out and then stop. Javi steps back to stand beside you and looks into your eyes.

“Javi, I don’t…” you begin, your voice barely above a whisper. “I can’t go back in there.”

Javi smiles as he shakes his head. He whispers for you to follow him, and you do so without a doubt about your safety or well-being. You stop outside his door, then happily accept when he invites you inside.

“Look, I know that our relationship isn’t… ordinary. I flirt and you get shy, but I mean it,” Javi says. “I want you to stay here as long as you want. You’re safe here, and I won’t let anything happen to you again.”

“It’s not your fault, Javi,” you respond.

He smiles brightly, and you tilt your head to the side in question.

“You didn’t say no to my offer of staying,” he explains.

“I don’t want to say no.”

“Good. Let’s get you comfortable, and I will be the handsomest nurse you’ve ever seen.”

You roll your eyes, but as Javi begins fussing over what you should wear to be comfortable and how the pillows are arranged, you understand that he really does mean it all.

“Javi,” you call.

He stops by the kitchen island, on a mission to get an ice pack for your bruised side and a fresh bandage for the cut above your eyebrow.

“I, um, I have a crush on you. I’ve had it since we met,” you admit.

“I had a dream just like this once.”

“Me, injured on your couch and admitting that I like you?”

“You didn’t have so many bruises.”

“Thank you, for everything.”

You lean back and hiss in pain. Javi reprimands you gently for doing that without his help, but you have to breathe sometimes. He’s been at your side, doing anything and everything he can to help you since before you arrived at the hospital. And he really is the most handsome nurse you’ve seen.

Someone knocks on Javi’s door, and he raises a finger to you before he opens it. Ryan looks over Javi’s shoulder, sees you on the couch, and nods.

“I just came to let you know we found the officer our guy paid $20 to pass along the message to us. Genius, right? But I can see you have better things to focus on. Take your time, man,” Ryan says. “Feel better!”

“Thank you,” you call.

“Don’t talk to him,” Javi says as he returns to your side. “That’s not good for your recovery.”

“So, I never get to meet your friends even after I almost died for one of your cases?”

Javi pulls you under his arm and against his side. You lay your head against his chest and listen to his heartbeat.

“Do you think I’ll ever stop being scared?” you murmur, running your finger along Javi’s shirt. “That I’ll stop thinking about him when I close my eyes.”

Javi shifts his arm to hold you tighter and dips his chin to look at your face. “You will. I promise you will.” You nod, and Javi asks, “Want to know how I know?”

“I do.”

“Because I’ve got you. And I’m not going anywhere.”

#javier esposito x reader #javi esposito x reader #javier esposito #castle abc #hanna writes✯#javi esposito

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xxlady-lunaxx · 1 year ago

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Emotional pain | {DouKaza}

Theme: Angst+Fluff

Note: Manga spoilers<3

Have you ever felt guilty for something at an excrutiating level, to the point you feel that you can no longer live, no longer feel and you go numb, not wanting to live, anymore, just wanting to end everything? And yet, you don't know why. You don't know why you feel like that, you could never understand yourself, but you still—still—feel so fucking guilty.

Douma sat with his head buried in his hands, wishing he could rid of this ache in him, wanting to understand what the hell he'd done to make himself feel like this.

Footsteps, quiet, familiar.

He turned.

"Akaza-dono?"

Uppermoon three stood at the doorway, his arms crossed, eyebrows raised. "Didn't know you spent your free time crying," he said.

"I'm not crying!" Douma protested.

Akaza sighed and walked forward, untangling his arms and reaching out, wiping Douma's cheek was strange tenderness. "You're crying. You literally have tears staining your cheeks," he said, showing him the tear drop he'd gotten on his finger.

Douma reached up and rubbed at his eyes. "No... I just got something in my eye," he said, pouting.

"Whatever you say."

"Why are you here, Akaza-dono?" he asked, tilting his head.

"Because the sun rose and this place had to be the only close shelter," Akaza said, rolling his eyes. "Just my luck."

Douma beamed. "We can spend time together!" he said.

"Fuck no, I'm not spending any time with you." Akaza turned abruptly. "I was planning to not even talk to you but I heard someone crying."

"I wasn't crying," Douma whined. Then remembered why he had been and said, quietly for he was afraid Akaza would only call him stupid, "Akaza-dono, do you know why I feel guilty?"

Akaza paused in his tracks. "Guilty? Of what?"

"I'm not sure," he admitted. "But it hurts."

The shorter Uppermoon turned. "Hurt? How?"

Douma placed a hand to his chest, pressing slightly. "Like pain that wasn't there but hurt a lot," he murmured. "I could tell, only, that it was guilt. I... don't know why, or how, or what happened, or anything. Only... what."

"Oh." Akaza blinked. "Do you have any idea why? Did you recently do something regrettable?" he asked, tilting his head slightly.

Douma shook his head. "If I did, I wouldn't know. I never know." He looked down.

Akaza sighed, moving forward until they stood face to face. "Listen, guilt is like a form of regret that comes if you did something you felt you shouldn't have or if you didn't do something when you felt you should've. Something like that. Might not be obvious to you since you're a dumbass, but try thinking about if you know anytime that might fit my description."

Douma nodded, sitting down on the cushion he always sat on while he spoke to his patients, except this time he was the patient being spoken to, helped.

Akaza sighed and sat down as well, figuring nothing bad would come out of this anyways. Besides, if he made Douma realize how to understand emotions maybe he would stop bothering the shit out of him.

And so he waited in silence, the only sound in the room was their breathing which came out soft and quiet, even in the silence.

Akaza started counting the seconds, his boredom getting the best of him.

When he got to around four hundred and seventy two, Douma spoke up, his voice loud and startling both of them.

"Sorry," Douma said, lowering his voice to a near whisper to fit the silence that had spread across the two of them.

"Mm, did you figure anything out?" Akaza asked. He was curious, although he'd never admit that.

"Well, there was this woman... Her name was Kotoha. I dunno... I kept her with me for a bit but later she found out I was a demon and ran away and I killed her and she dropped her child off a cliff." Douma shrugged. "That's all I can think of. Well, I've always wondered what would happen if I had emotions. People say they would feel horrible if they killed someone or if their parents died or anything like that, but I never felt anything when all of that happened for me." He sighed. "I don't konw, Akaza-dono. I can't figure anything out."

Akaza stared at him. "Why did you kill the woman?" he asked completely ignoring everything else.

"Because she ran away?" Douma said, confused. "Why not?"

"She's a woman!! She didn't do anything wrong!! Besides, I'm sure she would be devestated to know she dropped her child," Akaza said, crossing his arms.

"Huh? But... she was a human?" Douma said.

"And?"

They stared at each other for a beat before Akaza sighed.

"Fine, we'll drop that topic. Why did you keep the woman with you?" he asked.

"She was pretty! And really cheerful." Douma smiled, reminising in the memories. "I sometimes feel like I shouldn't have killed her. But I don't know if it's guilt. She was just good company."

Akaza rolled his eyes. "Clearly you have no experience in emotions despite living for over a century. A normal person would feel horrible if they killed someone they enjoyed spending time with. And what you said about your parents dying, they'd feel bad for not doing anything. Unless they didn't give a fuck about them, of course," he said, lifting a shoulder in a half shrug.

"...Okay," Douma said, nodding. "So maybe that's it? But then... why's it so... intense?"

"Why's what?"

"The guilt? Or whatever." He looked down. "Will it go away?"

Akaza shook his head. "It might go away, it might not. Depends on if you will still care."

Douma nodded again, closing his eyes. Fuck it wouldn't go away. It appeared less, now, as if he understanding it better could bring him to feel better as well. But it wasn't gone.

"You alright?" Akaza asked as Douma's facial expression contorted to one of pain.

The slight concern hidden in his voice brought the rainbow eyes to open and he looked up, nodding stiffly.

"I'm scared, Akaza-dono," he mumbled.

"Why?"

"I don't understand anything. I don't like this." His voice was so meek, small, so contrasting to everything he'd ever done.

And it made Akaza pity him. Sort of.

He stood, then, sitting next to Douma and placing a hand on his back.

"Listen, sure, we're demons, but everyone needs some time to understand shit and learn. You'll understand eventually and it's not like you haven't functioned before without understanding. I just... don't stress it, it's annoying and you're going to keep asking me for help, probably. Whatever you regret, it's in the past and you can't change that." Akaza paused, then, his mind flashing him everything he regretted, too fast for him to comprehend but slow enough for him to notice. He sighed. "Whatever happened just try not to let it happen again."

Douma nodded slowly. "Okay... That makes sense," he said, turning to look at the Uppermoon. "Thank you, Akaza-dono." He smiled, an action that looked so much more genuine than normal and made Akaza's heart flutter with something he'd never admit to even himself.

"Sure, whatever," he said, slipping off the cushion and standing. "I'm going to go find a room to stay in here. Don't talk to me anymore."

"Okay!" Douma said, a lot more cheerfully than before.

Akaza gave him a slight smile then wandered out the door and into the halls, his mind stuck on the image of Douma's smile.

{Word count: 1245}

A little explanation to Douma's silly guilt:

Mostly, I was thinking, he felt guilty for not being able to feel bad or feel anything and react properly about anything

He'd been helping his patients and had been hit with a sudden thought that people poured out their emotions to him and he responded with more or less a lie and a half hearted sorry to hear that and he felt bad about that, but he didn't realize since he'd been doing it his whole life and had never realized it wasn't really normal

#kny #sillyness #kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer #angst #uppermoons #demons #doukaza #oneshot #kimetsunoyaiba #douma #akaza #douma x akaza #idk #angsty fluff #fluff #yeps

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siffrin-gimmick-blog-number-37 · 6 months ago

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Greetings and Salutations, everyone! Allow me to properly introduce myself.

My name is Zeisty King — aka the random individual behind this silly little blog! I mainly go by just Zeisty, though (seeing as I treat the "King" part as a surname).

My main goal for this blog is to doodle Siffrin from In Stars and Time (as well as other characters sometimes) so I can get used to a new tablet and set up, while also having fun with it!! Hence why I named this blog the way I did and why I don't mind calling the art I post here "messy," especially considering half of them are sketches anyway!

I may make mistakes from time to time and some results may be wonky, but that's okay! It's all a part of the learning process!! And is not limited to forgetting how anatomy works; I put two hands on the wrong way in one post once and I have to accept the fact I did that.

REOCCURRING GIMMICK BLOG TAGS:

#main blog to gimmick blog — anything from my main blog that I've reblogged to this one! I don't think I'll do it a whole lot, but I just wanted to let you know that happens and that they may contain spoilers when it does.

#not quite a daily — on occasion, doodles that don't count as a daily (but are still silly enough to be shown off on this blog) will be posted here! I don't think I'll do it too much, but don't be surprised if you see any doodles that aren't dailies from time to time.

#personal reblog — anything I've reblogged from myself once, twice or even thrice! I sometimes do it to make sure you haven't missed a post from me, or if I have something else to say about it.

#siffrin gimmick blog asks — as of posting this introduction this week, this is a new one! These are any questions you lovely folks wanna send in through this blog's askbox, and that I've answered.

#siffrin gimmick blog doodles — self explanatory! These are any drawings/doodles I've made for this blog, dailies or otherwise! I aim post here every day, though I sometimes won't on account of my memory or out of respect for certain events. Or if I need a break. I am only one goober, after all.

#siffrin gimmick blog rambles — any thoughts I need to say or anything I need to inform you will be under this tag! They won't contain art, so this one and any others like it are the exceptions.

#siffrin gimmick blog suggestions — got any suggestions for me to draw? Along with the ask tag, this is a new one as of this week! Any ideas you have for me to draw will be slotted under this tag! Be careful not to send in any spoilers, as I refuse to draw them six days of the week.

#siffrin gimmick blogs angsty sundays — this is the only time I'll intentionally post spoilery, angsty and/or serious art! I'll make sure to tag them as such so you can avoid them. I just wanted to give you a little head's up that I'll also reblog spoilers and tag them as well. :3

ADDITIONAL NOTES:

-My main blog is @electrozeistyking! You can find me reblogging my gimmick blog doodles there, along with any other stuff I drew not meant for this one (and stuff other people made)!! It's not exclusively ISAT stuff though, obviously.

-I swear quite a bit and do not tag them when I do. It'd probably be a hassle for me if I did, so if you're not cool with that, feel free to block this blog! You absolutely don't have to interact if you don't want to. I will tag other serious stuff/triggers, though! (Except this post, seeing as it's the introduction and it's important folks don't miss it. Sorry!)

-I'm not guaranteed to accept every suggestion or answer every ask sent my way. In the case of suggestions, there is a chance I won't be inspired enough to draw it for you; in the case of asks, I might not know what to say. And other possible reasons, if they ever happen to come up.

-I see every ask sent my way, so please try not to send the exact same Ask/Suggestion more than once! I promise I'm either formulating a response, figuring out how to draw your suggestion, or I was forced to delete it (in regards to the following note).

-I don't want this blog to overshadow you, so I'll unfortunately have to force myself to delete your ask if it has nothing to do with this blog in particular or ISAT. That's why I recommend you send it into my main blog instead!

That's it for now! Thanks for reading, and for hanging around this blog with me! :D

#i'm not gonna main tag this one reasons <:3 #but i am gonna include all my reoccurring blog tags for navigation purposes :D #not quite a daily #main blog to gimmick blog #personal reblog #siffrin gimmick blog asks #siffrin gimmick blog doodles #siffrin gimmick blog rambles #siffrin gimmick blog suggestions #siffrin gimmick blogs angsty sundays

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liesmyth · 9 months ago

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hi, i've been following you for a while now because it seems we have similar taste in media (especially thematically). an agonizing event occurred last week that's left me somewhat selectively mute and unable to work. i can't find joy or interest or love for anything. the locked tomb has always been there for me during my lowest points (me and harrow are like this 🤞) but i'm in such a horrible place that not even muir is helping. i love reading your TLT metas and trust your judgement based on those, so i was wondering if you had any recommendations for books/media that deals with grief and loss in fantastical settings. or just big, messy, taboo feelings in general. i'm looking for anything at this point.

Hi anon, sorry to hear this and I really hope you feel better soon. I'm sending you a big hug if you want it and I'm thinking of you very fondly. I'm not sure I can recommend exactly what you're asking for but I dearly hope some of these can distract you a bit. Please let me know if you want further content warnings + if anyone else has recs, feel free to chime in!

The Screwfly Solution by James Tiptree Jr. — This is a short story that I reread about once a year when I really want something that'll hit and fuck me up. You can find it in full here. It's an apocalyptic short story, very haunting, and the last line hits like a punch in the gut. CW for gendered violence all over the place if that's something you'd rather avoid.

The House of the Spirits by Isabel Allende — This is a generational saga set in 20th century Cile. It isn't sff, although it does have some magical realism elements, so I'm chetaing and putting it in here anyway. The first time I read it, it made me cry, and it remains my favourite Allende novel.

The Last Man Alive by A.S. Neill — A middle grade speculative fiction written in 1930s Britain, which is ostensibly for kids but, in the tradition of British children's literature, gets pretty fucking dark and creepy. It's about a group of schoolchildren and their teacher who survived a poisonous cloud that turned everyone else into stone, and by everyone else I mean the entire world. It gets pretty dark at times, and I remember being sucked-punched finishing the book and reading in the afterword what happened to each of the children who were the inspiration for the characters in the book. It's a very weird little novel, but also interesting in that "vintage scifi" vibe.

Cuckoo Song by Frances Hardinge — This is another middle grade novel and probably the lightest read of this entire fic; [spoilers ahead] it's about a changeling who doesn't have a memory of being made, and at first thinks she is the human girl she was meant to replace, and only slowly realises that something is wrong. It's ultimately a feel-good story but I found it bittersweet all around, and I think the themes of identity and self growth + the creepy fairytale vibes make it worth a rec in case you think it could help right now.

Tender is the Flesh by Agustina Bazterrica — This is a book about the mundane day-to-day happenings in a dystopia where cannibalism has been legitimised as a form of population control, and large swats of people are regarded as subhuman and eaten. It's very bleak and more plot driven than character-driven, so I'm hesitant to rec it if your usual go-to is TLT; but I think the story does very good things with the tight narrator POV + there are themes of alienations from family, eldercare and anticipation of grief. It's definitely a story that fucked me up a bit.

+ not sff in the least, but I finished this book very recently and it's still on my mind: I recently read The Manicurist's Daughter, a memoir that's primarily about dealing with grief from the loss of a parent, and how grief can destroy a family + trying to reconnect despite that. It's not exactly engrossing in parts, and I'm not sure I should rec it here because I found it too slow-paced to count as a real "cathartic read" but there was something about the numbness after suffering a loss and the ugly side of it that really spoke to me.

+ not a book and I haven't watched it in years but I think you might enjoy Revolutionary Girl Utena if you haven't seen it already. It spoke to me in the same way some parts of TLT do (and it's very gay)

#Anonymous #ask #book talk #<3333333

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aro-pancake-writes · 1 year ago

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@spookyspecterino @fangbangerghoul @bearlytolerant

WIP Wednesday! Let's do it!

This one's living up here, rent free in a triplex, along with Chant from Hadestown.

Ng+ spoilers.

It's just a sketch for a first chapter, but let's go!

Btw, it's about a Starborn that did everything to go back.

Lover everything I do, I do it for the love of you.

I've been travelling for… so long I lost count. Searching, looking, everywhere.

My hands are bloody. My emotions are all but gone. I don't even bother anymore. Not with trying to meet the new versions, with seeing them die.

I tried, I think. Once, long ago, when all of this started. I wanted to move on, to continue with my life, fix the mistakes I couldn't fix before.

But this is the last jump I'll ever take. I'll resign. Find an empty planet and live there the rest of my days. Or end it all before that. I just know that I can't stay in this universe a moment longer.

I close my eyes, remembering him. The reason I jumped in the first place. He told me to. He said, promised, that we'd find eachother again. That he'd love me in every universe.

I laugh at that last one. There's still a scar on my stomach from one of the meetings we had. One that Sam never had Cora. That he still loved Lillian.

I'm broken now. My only guiding light is, was, to find him randomly across the universes. The Unity said he would eventually jump in, he'd come looking for me.

It's been millennia, and I'm no longer sure.

So, one more jump. One last try.

The lights are blinding, and the sights were once mesmerising. They lost their beauty for me so long ago.

I make my way back to New Atlantis. One last time.

There's something hauntingly familiar as I walk through the spaceport to the Lodge. Something that tells me I've been here before. I've been to this version.

I step into the Lodge, waiting to meet Sarah, have her asking me about the artifacts. I prepare myself for Walter snark comments and Matteo's awe.

But that's not what I see.

The first thing I see is a familiar cowboy hat. Sam.

I hold back from jumping at him, no matter how much I want to and it breaks what's left of my heart that I can't. It didn't end up well before.

I watch, patiently, as he turns to face me, removing his hat.

Sam looks older. There are strands of silver on his hair and beard, and wrinkles forming around his eyes. But it's still him.

He's smiling. Arms open and inviting.

I cross my arms, fighting even more the urge to go to him. It's not my Sam. Not the one of my original universe. That I fell in love with. It's another version. Right?

I can't be back. After all this time, to be sent back feels like the Unity is rubbing it off on my face.

“Haven't seen you in a while, love.” Sam says, stepping closer to me. “You're still as beautiful as the day I lost you.”

He touches my face, and I allow him. It's been so long since I felt any kind of warmth, that this feels like it's scorching my skin and I want more.

“Please, don't tease me like this.” I say, remembering the universes I've told him.

“I'm not.” He says, placing a hand on his holster, taking out the pistol there. “This is for you. Saved my ass more than I could count. Time to give it back.”

It's my pistol. I couldn't bring myself to use one like it since the first time I went through. Couldn't keep them.

“It's yours now.” I push his hand back, so he can put it away. “I can't take it away from you.”

His smile dies. It's almost like he sees that I'm not the person who walked through Unity.

“Why would I need it? It was a reminder of you.” He asks, stepping back. “I finally got you back. And I'm not letting you go again.”

Again.

If there was ever any doubt that I'm back, it fades away. I'm home.

I can't resist anymore. Falling into his arms, I allow myself to feel again. I cry, holding on to him.

“How long?” I gather the courage to ask, unsure if I want too know.

“A little over ten years.” There's sorrow as he answers me, running a hand on my back.

I missed so much. Cora is all grown up now. Probably off to college.

And I can rest. Hoping that is not just another bad joke from the Unity. They did it so much by now, with universes where he was already dead, or happy in a different life. Those were the worst for me.

Not really thinking, I kiss him. It's a heavy kiss, where we both show how we missed eachother.

I can't believe we're finally back together. After all this time.

“So,” I lean back, looking into his lovely blue eyes, “what did I miss?”

#starfield #sam coe #spacefarer x sam coe #starfield sam coe #starfield fanfiction #starfield spoilers

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mememanufactorum · 1 year ago

Text

Armored Core 6 sentence starters

* FEEL FREE TO SHARE AS YOU PLEASE, NO CREDIT NEEDED. CHANGE PRONOUNS OR ANYTHING ELSE AS DESIRED. Some spoilers may be included.

"Forged in ash, we stand as one!"

"It's just a job. All of it."

"Damn it! I can't die like this!"

"I... I just... I just wanted a callsign of my own..."

"Remember who you're messing with."

"You? You're just going to be tagging along on ass-wiping duty."

"Who gives a shit. We'll handle this mission ourselves."

"Why don't you start a sewing club together... and stitch that damn mouth of yours shut?!"

"Can't say I considered you a pro either."

"Tch... Does this guy ever shut up?"

"No luck with the sewing club, I see."

"You got lucky, merc. You were the only warm body they could find."

"Have fun watching from the sidelines."

"Know your place, you meager dog sitter."

"I think I'll enjoy doing business with you."

"Do try not to die like a dog out there."

"You're fast—guess you're sharper than they say. I'll have to step up my own game."

"The higher-ups are going to remember you now, that's for sure. As will I."

"Believe you me, I'm gonna put you to work!"

"Pitiful dog. I feel sorry for you, I really do. You may have survived a little longer, if only you had a different master."

"I hear you make fine hounds with the right training. Shame you'll have to die here."

"I'm fairly adept at analyzing systems— and manipulating them too."

"Can't get good help these days, can you? Would've been cheaper to just hire you instead!"

"It's been miserable knowing you, but... I guess playing nice is the smart choice here."

"They might be a pack of dumb animals, but at least they know quality workmanship."

"Anyway, you know the score. You made this mess, now you get to clean it up. Well, technically, I'm asking you to make a whole new mess... Ah, whatever. You know what to do."

"Guess I was right to pick you for the job."

"Well, I guess a dog can't choose it's master... But, still... Tough luck. I feel sorry for you, I really do."

"Looks like you ruffled some feathers."

"If you ask me, they're counting their eggs before they're hatched."

"I want you to be a walking advertisement for opportunities in destruction."

"You're not their mascot. Just focus on getting the job done."

"I'm sure our paymasters planned for that too. They got their 'walking advertisement' alright."

"I knew you could do it, buddy. I've got my eye on you."

"S-Stop that! How dare you attack me with my back turned?!"

"I don't know who put you up to this, but clearly you need to be disciplined!"

"I asked you a question! Don't you have any manners?!"

"You need discipline!"

"You've got skills... Shame you don't put them to good use."

"What?! Wh-Who are you?! Stop right there! How dare you pretend to be one of my own...!"

"Let me go, and you'll still come out on top... Understand?"

"You're quick on the uptake, aren't you? Splendid."

"You're not like those savages. Keep up the good work."

"Death and dishonor... Such is the oathbreaker's due."

"Heed me, oathbreaker... Treachery benefits none."

"That was certainly an adventure."

"Stubborn to the last... You don't know what's good for you."

"I have a question. The way you dealt with him— did [name] teach you that?"

"Some of us were worried that the enemy might have won you over. But it seems we can trust you after all. Glad to be on the same side."

"Must you always put your life on the line?"

"That's one way to light a fire under your ass— keep it alive for the next field trip."

"I'd say this calls for fireworks— and I've got something that'll blow them away."

"The anticipation's half the fun. We want our guests to enjoy this."

"...Looks like I was a little off. Well, close enough is good enough for me."

"You again? I'm a busy man. Far too busy for the likes of you."

"You're going to need more pawns on the board."

"...Of course. You're here to hawk your services again."

"You're a survivor, no doubt."

"You will be under my direct authority. Consider it a rare privilege."

"Looks like you're doing just fine, buddy."

"It's time to pay the piper."

"I've got your back, buddy. Hope you've got mine."

"Nice work, buddy. Glad you're on my side."

"It's a delight to enjoy the company of a visitor from so far away."

"Here's to new beginnings...! By all means, be my guest."

"A new friend from afar, just for me... What joy! Be still, my beating heart!"

"I'm waiting for you, friend... Fidgeting anxiously before the big dance. I do hope I'll keep up... But the anticipation is part of the fun."

"I've done my best to welcome you. I do hope you'll enjoy your stay, friend..."

"Don't forget, the guy's a rat. This won't be smooth sailing."

"Please! I wanted to surprise you, friend!"

"You've introduced me to such wonderful people! Wonderful things..."

"Let's trip the light fantastic, friend!"

"I'm starting to feel confused... It'd help if you could shut him up."

"Why, friend... This is a gift... Thank you..."

"Looks like he's dead. Good."

"Let's see how far they can fly... On borrowed wings."

"We will see if you can do it justice."

"Either way, you'll never spread your wings... At least not yet."

"A Raven is a symbol of resolve. The will to choose what one fights for."

"All right, we'll watch this one. See where they go on a Raven's wings."

"You're a famous mercenary now. Time to act like one."

"Tell you what, I'll watch and let you know how badly that goes for us."

"You can leave that to me. I know a thing or two about sharpshooting."

"A ragtag crew like this needs leadership."

"I know just the volunteer to go poke that beast with a stick."

"It's not every day you see competing forces working together like this."

"Act like a professional outfit and you might live."

"Who does that creep think he is? I ain't here because I want to be."

"Enjoy the show— and don't forget to smile."

"You don't gotta tell me. I ain't going down with you fools."

"I won't miss."

"That freak actually did it..."

"Did what, the bare minimum? This is just the first hurdle."

"Finally, someone with their head screwed on straight. Ever thought about switching sides?"

"You beg for your mother, we'll give you another!"

"It'll all be over once your sorry ass is dead!"

"I know you're laughing at me! What makes YOU so special?!"

"As if you hardly need help from me. When'd you get so good at exploring?"

"You can go home now— or follow me if you've got a death wish!"

"Go multiply your rifle training and see if you can learn to do something useful."

"Are we doomed to spark conflict wherever we go?"

"Figures. Seems both of us are too dangerous to keep around. And the higher-ups wouldn't miss an opportunity to kill two birds with one stone."

"So, buddy. Who needs you?"

"I don't want to dance to their tune, but this time, I don't have any other choice."

"You never change. You're not afraid to die... Or to kill."

"This has been a real eye-opener. You're strong—a threat...!"

"You're sharp... But that's not the only thing that makes you dangerous."

"I've fought alongside you several times but I never could figure you out."

"Tell me, buddy. What drives you?"

"Never failed to impress... But this isn't over yet."

"There's no graver threat than power without purpose!"

"Once something's alive, it doesn't die easy."

"I'll be well-rewarded when I bring them your head on a silver platter."

"I'll see that the unruly dog is punished and brought to heel. Oh, and of course, let's not forget the hound's master, either."

"This isn't an order—it's a legacy. My fallen friends entrusted this duty to me... And now it's my turn to hand it on."

"Feed the fire. Let the last cinders burn."

"I have one last job for you: Find your freedom."

"Been a while, tourist. Good to see you're still kicking."

"He asked me to look after you. Don't mind if I do."

"I don't just design weapons, you know. You'll see what I mean."

"Looks like they're falling over each other to get your autograph."

"You've been working like a dog... Must be [name]'s influence. Guy's a real slave driver."

"Where do they even find all these people?!"

"Seems they weren't so trivial after all."

"Let's get this trash out of the way first."

"You seem like you've lost someone too. Hope I'm just imagining things."

"Time to do or die. Let's get our laughs while we can."

"Hope you don't mind a little friendly competition."

"Yikes, tourist. Looks like they want you dead first. Tough break. It's not easy being popular."

"Looks like all your fans are dying to see you."

"Oh, we're serious. Right, tourist? Thing is, the serious ones die first— so we should at least pretend to be having fun."

"Someone has to put an end to this injustice!"

"Where did this... Resolve come from? You must have chosen something... Sacrificed something... You found your purpose... Didn't you, buddy?!"

"Always were at your best under pressure, buddy. But this ends here and now!"

"Must be heavy... This purpose you found. You've finally shown me who you are... It's too late now— but it didn't have to be this way!"

"Do him a favor, tourist. Remember him."

"You know... For a tourist, you've got a sense of humor."

"I saw the potential for our future within you. You and I... Could have walked together."

"You are strong. Dangerous. I... Will hold nothing back."

"I realize what you are... The spark of war..."

"I won't let you... Your fire must die!"

"You chose to carry our burden and right the wrongs of our past. I'm sorry... And I'm grateful."

"There's nothing left to bind you. Whatever choices you make now... I just hope you find your true potential."

"I'm not taking any more of your shit!"

"So you got a nice punch in, meh. Go buy a lottery ticket."

"They've called in backup. Shall we step outside and say hello?"

"And here I thought I'd just make some extra scratch. Guess I can settle the score at the same time."

"It'll be peace and quiet when you're gone!"

"Damn it... I would've had you! Don't you dare think you've won!"

"You fight like a bird in flight. You may yet fly higher."

"The others are so used to fighting and shouting slogans that they've given up thinking."

"I don't know who you are but you're dead!"

"We need to stand on our own two feet. That's how we'll win."

"We're war buddies now. Maybe I'll find a comrade in you yet."

"I thought you'd run away with your tail between your legs... Back for more, are you?"

"You fools don't know your place. You don't know when you're beaten. You don't even know what's good for you!"

"How dare you bare your filthy fangs against me?!"

"Howl into the abyss, dog!"

"Will nothing stop you, pest?!"

"Let me tell you my motto, tourist: Get your laughs while you can."

"I don't know what you're up to, but you better make it worth it."

"Looks like you made a friend of your own. But it's good to make a choice. Sit on the fence and you make no enemies... Or friends."

"Hope you've got room for more... I've brought a full course meal."

"Never thought the plan would go so wrong... But it's good teaming up with you again. Couldn't have hoped for a better silver lining."

"You're out of luck. There's only one person who can keep up with me."

"You're not the mutt I thought you were. You're below that—you are vermin!"

"You took on my hopes... My selfish dream. Now, I want to see the future that you choose. Whatever waits ahead... I'll support you."

"Whatever works to get your name out there. That's the benefit of being independent."

"Whatever happens, handle it. Just like you always do."

"As much as I'd love to stop and chat... I'm afraid we're rather pressed for time."

"I'm okay... Still alive, at least. A little rest... And I'll pay 'em back."

"You're daring, I'll give you that. But I've fried bigger fish than you."

"Humanity assumed its current form to fight itself. To choose from infinite selections. That is the essence of the human race... And the key to biological evolution."

"Tired as I am... I'm not ready to die yet."

"Shovel down your bland rations. Slurp your coffee-flavored sludge. Sure, it sucks—but that's being human."

"Don't tell me you like it here."

"He may seem like a pessimist, but he lives for the way things are. A life that can't coexist with what we want."

"Maybe now... I'll get some sleep..."

"Something's... Changed since last time. But you still haven't found a purpose."

"A chain made of human links is easily broken."

"You always did work hard for me... Handled all my requests... And, yet."

"Now that the choice is made, we have to carry on. No matter what obstacles confront us."

"Sorry, but I'm not laughing this time."

"I don't care about the big plan. I just want that damn freelancer DEAD!"

"We will bring order to chaos."

"You want some of this. I'll give it to you..."

"I know how this goes. This is where that grit of yours kicks in.

"It was always so easy for you... What makes YOU special?"

"I always... Envied you. The freelancer... Who had it all..."

"Let's meet this new age... Together."

#roleplay meme #roleplay prompt #rp meme #rp prompt #sentence starters #ask memes #inbox memes #Armored Core 6

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no-thanks-im-stuffed · 3 months ago

Text

A trusted mutual asked for my short story so here it is! I say short story but it's about ten pages long

genre: fantasy, psychological horror

(check tags for content warnings (may contain spoilers))

Like Playing with Matches

(March 2023 version)

Chapter 1: Shattered Beyond Recognition

A loud scream made me jolt out of my sleep.

"Stupid lunatics.", Marc groaned. He seemed to have woken up at the same time. "When are we getting out of here? It's gross."

I looked at my ankles. Still chained, same as my wrists.

"Excuse me!", I yelled. "Hey! EXCUSE ME!"

A guard peeked around the corner.

"What?", he grunted.

"Can I have some paper?". I inquired, "I want to write a letter."

The guard exhaled air out of his nose as if I had just said something funny and once again disappeared behind the stone wall.

"You really thought that was going to work?", Marc scoffed. Marc was my cellmate. They would always chain him up in the same place as me.

"I don't belong here!", I tried to defend myself. "I'm not insane! I'm an accountant!"

Marc shook his head with a melancholic smile. His eyes travelled down the chains that confined us to the cold stone wall.

"You could have stopped me."

"What?"

"You've always held me back, but that time you didn't. I wonder why that was."

My eyes narrowed. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm not sure. But isn't that why we're here?"

Marc gestured around the room, making the chains rattle quietly, "When I told you to run, you stayed. You trusted that you could explain this whole thing. You did and lo and behold! Your beloved Count had us locked up! Who could have seen this coming!"

I let out a deep sigh.

"Sarcasm won't get us out of here."

"No", Marc said, "But I will."

"What are you planning?"

Marc smiled: "Nothing. Not yet at least."

I heard steps approaching. That must be Walter, a good friend of Count Martin. He owns this place. I remember him visiting the Count often back when I was still working for Martin. I never would have thought I was going to be mistaken for insane and locked up as his patient one day.

"How are we feeling?", Walter asked after approaching the cell gate.

"Do you want an honest answer?", Marc responded. Walter seemed to ignore the hostility in his eyes.

"Relax. Just view it as a… vacation. Early retirement."

"Can I have some paper?", I asked carefully.

"Maybe next time."

Walter unlocked the cell and put a chapped plate on the floor in front of me. "Stew.", he said, "Your favourite."

"There's a bug swimming in it."

Walter smiled: "Free protein."

He kneeled down to temporarily free me from my handcuffs so I could eat.

"Come on, Walter! You know I don't belong here!", I said, "Just let me out of this place already!"

Marc let out a mocking laughter. He was going to ruin this for us.

Walter took a deep breath. "Look", he said, "Count Martin kindly asked me to keep you confined. He is convinced that you pose a significant threat to yourself and others and the public must be protected from you. Until he changes his mind, there is nothing I can do."

"If you could just let me talk to Count Martin, I can explain everything!"

Walter rose up, deliberately avoiding my gaze. "I really don't think he wants to see you. You can be glad that you have your own cell and aren't chained up in the big room with the others. Martin could have also had you persecuted as a witch, but he decided against it. You're a smart man, Daniel. Have the decency to be grateful that you are still alive."

He locked the cell gate again and continued: "The new employee will come in an hour to pick up your plate."

And with that, we were left alone again.

"Next time…", I said quietly, "...can you not start laughing when I'm in the middle of getting us out of here?"

"That was your plan?", Marc exclaimed in disbelief, "Say the same shit you say every time Walter comes to visit? Incredible. I can't believe that didn't work."

"Well, what's your plan then?"

"We could break our ankles. Or steal the key from one of the guards."

"Break our ankles.", I repeated, "What an amazing plan. We'll run away without any trouble after we've done that."

"I'm still working on that part."

We ate our stew in silence, thinking over any possible way to escape. There was a window at the top of our cell. But even if we could get rid of the chains, it was too high for us to reach. And it was barred. So that wasn't going to work.

"I have a question.", Marc said finally, "What do you even plan to do once you get out of here?"

I gulped down the last of my stew. Hopefully the bug had found its way out of my food. I hadn't seen it, but I also didn't notice it flying away.

"Go back to work, of course."

"You want to go back to work for the guy who imprisoned you here? You cannot possibly be that stupid."

"It's not for the Count. It's for Elizabeth."

"The kid?"

"Who is going to take care of her?"

"Do you even know how long we've been in here?", Marc wondered, "She might have even forgotten who you are by now."

Maybe. But I had to make sure she was safe.

The sound of boots echoed through the hallway. I looked up to check if it was maybe the 'new employee'.

What I perceived as standing before me made me drop my spoon.

A long eared devil with glowing red skin, flaming eyes and long, claw-like fingernails. Hastily I crawled away from the apparition as far as my chains would allow me.

"Maybe I do belong here after all", I whispered, "I'm starting to see demons."

Marc shook his head: "No, I can see it too."

The creature seems to have heard that.

"I'm not a demon.", they said with a surprisingly high pitched voice.

Chapter 2: Crunch the Human

"I was wondering what you would look like.", said the demon, "All the gossip surrounding you made me curious. Never expected to see someone as delicate as you."

"Gossip?", Marc repeated curiously.

"Well, yeah. They told me all kinds of weird stuff. That you're possessed, that you're a crazy murderer, that you curse everyone who talks to you…"

"If I could do any of that, I would not be sitting in here.", Marc said, impatiently folding his arms.

"Don't listen to him. He doesn't mean that.", I said quietly. He made us look really bad, especially when I was trying to prove that I was not insane.

The demon observed us with utmost curiosity.

"What's your name?", they inquired.

"Daniel Scott."

"And I'm Marc!"

"Fascinating.", the demon nodded without taking its eyes off me, "Pleasure to meet you! I'm Crunch."

"Crunch.", Marc repeated, "Crunch the demon."

This seems to have offended them. "I told you I'm not a fucking demon! My grandma was one, I just look like her. I don't even have any powers."

Upon closer inspection… he didn't look like the demons we were told about. They seemed less… evil. And they were really well dressed.

"Sorry, but whose idea was it to hire someone who looks like a demon to work in a house full of crazy people?", my cellmate remarked.

"Good question. Honestly, I applied for this position as a joke but apparently nobody else wanted to work here.", Crunch shrugged while he searched his pockets for something. "Oh yeah, weirdly enough these assholes don't trust me with any keys yet, so you're gonna have to slide your plate over here."

I raised my eyebrows. Were they really employed here?

"What?", Crunch said. It seems he finally found what he had been looking for. "They also said you keep asking for paper.", he held up some crumpled sheets, "Wanna switch?"

Marc shrugged. Reluctantly I slid my empty plate across the bumpy floor until it reached the cell gate. Crunch picked it up and flipped it so it would fit through the bars. Then he crumpled the papers into a ball and threw them at my head.

"Hey!"

"Oh yeah and I brought some ink. In case you wanted to use the paper for writing.", Crunch added, "Catch!"

I didn't react in time - luckily, Marc managed to catch the ink bottle before it smashed on the floor. There was a quill attached to the glass. I put both next to the paper that I flattened on the ground.

"Thank you.", I said, "By the way, can you tell me how long I've been in here?"

"I don't know.", said Crunch, "But I can find out."

Eagerly, they ran out before even waiting for an answer.

Marc chuckled. "Crunch the human. Honestly I didn't think he was real until he gave us that paper."

"They did seem very excited to talk to us.", I nodded while thinking about what to write.

Marc doubtfully looked down at the sheets.

"You're not actually going to write that letter, are you?", he asked.

"What else is there to do?"

Marc sighed. "Fair enough."

Crunch returned when I was about halfway finished with my letter. Most of the sheets were now scattered across the floor, filled with poor beginnings and unsatisfying drafts.

"What are you even writing?", Crunch asked while trying to peek at my sheet by stretching out their neck.

I just crumpled up the letter I was working on and tossed it through the bars.

"I can't find the words anyway.", I said.

Crunch curiously unfolded the paper.

"Dear Excellency,"

They read it out aloud. How embarrassing.

"I hope this letter reaches you and finds you in good health. Though I doubt any of my letters have ever reached you (otherwise you would have surely replied), I shall keep trying to contact you for there must have been some sort of misunderstanding.

I miss offering my services as an accountant to you. You have always respected me for my orderly and reliable work. Here, I am being treated like some sort of lunatic who is a danger to other human beings. I keep being told you were the one who had me brought to this institution which I find a most preposterous accusation.

I kindly appeal for you to clear up this injustice as soon as possible and have me escorted out of this place. Please, I am losing hope in myself and "

That's where the letter ended.

"That last bit seems a bit desperate.", Crunch criticized as if he just read a nice poem, "Did you and the Count have some sort of special bond or something?"

"Not really.", I answered as he returned the letter to me.

"Then why do you have so much faith in him?"

"I keep asking the same thing.", Marc said.

I looked down at the shaky letters I brought on the paper. I used to have such neat handwriting. "I just can't imagine why he would treat me so coldly after all these years I've loyally been in his service."

"You did work for him for like half of your life.", Marc confirmed.

"Well, the papers say it was Count Martin who institutionalized you.", Crunch recalled, "But these protocols lie all the time. So they might be wrong."

Marc seemed very smug about being right. I was still convinced there was something off about all this. It just didn't make sense to me.

"I also found out how long you've been stuck in here!", Crunch continued, "Do you want to know?"

I nodded curiously.

They took a tiny note out of their chest pocket and read:

"9 years, 2 months and 16 days."

"Shit.", Marc said. I just sat there in disbelief.

Never had I expected for it to have been this long.

"I thought it was just a few months. Four at most."

"Seems you've lost track of time a bit.", Crunch said.

"A bit."

We sat there in silence for a while. Crunch was still observing us calculatingly like we were two zoo animals.

"I don't think you're insane."

"Thank you!", Marc exclaimed. I doubt Crunch meant him.

"Honestly? None of the people here are. At least not more than the ones out there.", Crunch continued, "They're just better at hiding it. Probably because their burden isn't nearly as heavy. And it's pretty hard to make any kind of meaningful progress when the entire staff is committed to making your life more miserable. As you've surely noticed."

"I guess the lack of consequences makes it all the more appealing to these cowards.", said Marc.

Crunch was lost in thought. Their eyes wandered up to the barred window, then down to my chains and the lock on the cell gate in front of them.

"Look, I think he's plotting something!", Marc whispered while lightly tapping my arm.

Crunch slowly exposed a pointy-toothed grin:

"Indeed I am."

Chapter 3: Freeing a Madman is like…

When I woke up the next morning, Marc was already in high spirits.

"There you are! Crunch and I made all the arrangements while you were sleeping. He’s gonna get his hands on a key and a coach."

"What about us?"

"We sit here and wait."

"Crunch didn't ask for anything?"

"Well, he does want your glasses."

"My glasses?!"

"As payment."

Right.

I took off my glasses. The Count gave them to me shortly after I got hired. They were gold-rimmed and studded with tiny, polished rubies and other precious stones. I guess that was a good way to pay your partner in crime. But how was I going to properly escape without glasses?

"They also offered to take something of equal value, like all of your teeth or maybe your liver."

"No, this will do.", I said. I wasn't sure if Marc was joking or not.

I heard Walter approach.

"I see the new one forgot to put your arm shackles back on.", he noticed.

"They were physically unable to as you didn't give them any keys.", Marc replied with the usual evil stare.

"And she's not getting any, either.", Walter said after opening the door and handing me my lunch (the same stew as yesterday).

"And I told her not to give you any paper!"

"What's the harm? Let him have his stupid paper.", Marc mumbled, but Walter ignored him.

He collected the last of the letter drafts that were still scattered across the floor, skimming them as he walked out and locked us back in.

"They reached him, by the way.", he said, "The letters. No point in writing yet another one."

"He's full of shit.", Marc tried to reassure me once Walter had left. "I bet he just burns them before the letters even leave the house."

It doesn't matter.

It seems I dozed off again. Loud screaming woke me up and made me bump my head against the wall.

The screams became louder.

Those weren't the usual suspects.

They almost sounded… heartbreaking.

Marc was too busy staring at the cell door.

It was unlocked.

And so were my shackles. Marc held a hand up to his ear. "It's total chaos outside."

"Let's go."

We could make out the distant crackling of fire, more desperate screams and banging against thick wood.

"What the fuck happened?!"

"Quickly!!"

I ran down the corridor. Where was the way out?

The long hallway ended in a huge, winged door that was gaping open widely. I saw the moonlight on the pavement outside. The tapping of my feet was the only sound that seemed to echo among these walls.

Finally, my feet touched the cold, damp grass. I took a deep breath - fresh, cool air filled my lungs. I never realized how bad the smell inside had been. My head turned towards the sky - the stars were shining brightly. Only a few puffy clouds quickly dashed over my head. Everything was so beautiful. Marc hurried me to move along.

Crunch was waiting at the side of the building. He leaned against the wall, playing with some matches.

"Why didn't you wake me?!", I whispered angrily.

"I tried. For a bit.", they responded as calmly as if we were just having dinner, "Then I thought it more important to finish my business and let the screamers do the waking. Now come on!"

He led us to the coach that was standing ready at the back entrance.

"I could have burned to death!", I yelled.

"How little faith you have in me. I burned the staff house, not yours. The other inmates have long fled in all directions.", said Crunch nonchalantly as he set the coach in motion.

"Do you really think that was a good idea?"

"Any place is better for them than here."

"What about the public?"

Crunch grinned: "I'd say they're no longer protected from you."

I looked down at the wooden boards. This was all my fault.

"Don't worry. Crunch would have done this with or without our plea.", said Marc.

"True.", the demon said with a smile, "I've been wanting to do this shortly after I got hired. It's weird how you think you deserve fair treatment but the same doesn't apply to the others. They were forced to live in their own filth, you know?"

We drove a while towards what Marc claimed was east. The wind was getting a little cold - I was still wearing my sticky asylum attire. It got a little better once we passed a small forest. Marc also found a second lamp in the back so we could warm our hands a little.

Then I remembered I still owed Crunch's payment.

I took off my glasses and handed them to him.

"Sweet, you remembered! …Damn, your eyesight is bad.", he realized once he put them on, "You know what, keep your glasses. I just wanna see where this is going for now."

He returned the glasses and I gratefully put them back on. I would find another way to repay Crunch once I got my job back.

"Do you even know where Count Martin lives?"

Crunch nodded. "I got a map to his place. Right before I set Walter on fire."

I stared at them with a terrified expression. Maybe I would be better off on foot.

"What?", they exclaimed, "He kept calling me 'devil lady'! Do I look like a lady to you?!"

"You really are insane!"

Crunch gave me an affectionate smile: "You know, I love hearing this out of your mouth."

"I'm not crazy!"

"Neither am I! I'm just very violent."

Marc started laughing: "I love this guy!"

We reached another forest - long spruce trees emerged out of the black ground and tried to pick the stars out of the sky. I remember taking a walk in a spruce forest with Elizabeth once. She kept trying to count the needles on each tree. Then she found a round rock with some beautiful, wavy lines and gifted it to me. I wonder if that rock would still be waiting for me on my desk once I returned.

"She'd be 17 by now.", I said quietly.

"Who?", asked Crunch.

"Lady Elizabeth Martin. Daniel always took care of her.", Marc replied in my stead.

"That's a bit odd.", Crunch pondered, "Don't they usually hire a maid for that?"

"Yeah, but she was really difficult to people she didn't like.", I watched the flickering flame of the lamp while speaking. "We got along pretty well, so Count Martin entrusted her with me."

"The Count would often get a little jealous of how she preferred Daniel over him."

"Well, maybe that's why he tried to get rid of you.", Crunch said jokingly.

I didn't respond.

"We'll be there soon. Then you'll know for sure.", they added.

Crunch was unusually quiet after that exchange. They seemed to be deeply contemplating something. After a few minutes it looked like he reached a conclusion and went back to his cheerful self.

Around dusk, we stopped behind some trees near a small city so Crunch could get us all some food.

He came back with a big loaf of bread, some cheese and three sausages. We shared it all on the way further to the northeast.

"Aah, this is wonderful. I haven't eaten anything proper in years!"

Marc gulped down a huge chunk of bread at once.

"Can you at least attempt to chew, please?", I said, coughing.

"Sorry.", Marc said and whispered to Crunch: "He's one of those slow chewers."

"I'm right here! I can hear you!", I exclaimed.

"Yeah, I know you're right there, we're not really far apart from each other, now are we?"

Crunch chuckled cheerfully.

"You two are a weird bunch. Very fun to be around."

"Why, thank you. Daniel rarely appreciates me."

That moment, the pointy towers of Count Martin's premises emerged over the horizon.

"We're here."

Chapter 4: You’ve done enough

Crunch stopped right in front of the impressive iron gate. I still remember the ornamental initials of Count Martin's great grandfather:

E.G.M.

"That's where I used to work.", I pointed towards the leftmost tower - the second tallest of them all - "Right next to Count Martin's private library."

"Ooh, I'd love to see that library. But I better wait outside for this. You guys tell me how it went.", Crunch announced, "Oh and in case anything goes wrong: I'll keep the coach ready."

"Thank you. I'll repay you, I promise.", I said as me and Marc jumped off the coach.

"I know you will. Good luck, you two!"

The gate was heavier than I remembered.

But the road, the garden and the house were still so familiar to me. I followed the path through the rose bushes to a small entrance on the left side. The spare key was still in the old hiding spot. I let myself in.

"Whoah", made Marc at the winding stairway coated in red velvet. I hadn't seen this place in ages. Seems as some of it had been renewed.

We made our way up the stairs and by second nature, I walked and climbed and finally found myself in my old office in the left tower.

This was my home.

I was finally home.

The carpet, the bookshelves, the desk, the fireplace, the sofas… everything was still here. As if I had never left.

I lit a small candle on the desk. A thin film of dust had formed on the dark wood. Seems like if Count Martin got a new accountant, they were working elsewhere.

There it was. The smooth, wavy rock that Elizabeth had given to me ages ago. I picked it up with shaking hands.

It was a little bigger than my palm.

I got a sudden headache.

Something was wrong.

"Daniel. What are you doing here?"

A voice. A voice that was too familiar.

It evoked something in me.

Hatred.

Rage.

Disgust.

It was all coming back to me. I could hear Marc's trembling breath.

"Ah, Martin.", said he, calmly turning around, "How long I've waited to see you again."

There he was, in his scarlet silk dressing gown. Holding up a bronze candle stick. His hair had turned grey. Not much else had changed about him. Still the same old-

"Marc." I tried to keep him back.

"No. It's my turn. You've done enough."

Martin carefully took a step back, slowly reaching for a nightstand next to the door.

"You know, I was wondering why I felt like throwing up every time I thought about you.", Marc said with more hostility than I had ever sensed in him, "How convenient that your little friend Walter tried his very best to make me forget about our little incident. Tell me. Wouldn't it have been easier to just kill me? Why convince me that I'm insane over and over again even though I did what any sensible person would have done in my situation?"

Martin didn't dare take his eyes off of him.

"Are you seriously trying to justify the murder of a child?"

He opened the drawer.

"I'm not trying to justify anything. Not to you.", Marc replied with a calm rage, "I just regret that Daniel is here to witness this. Because he had oh so much faith in you."

"Daniel…"

"Oh no, he's not a bad person! He didn't mean it! He won't do it again! He's just trying to do what's best for his family!", Marc imitated my voice. My heart started pounding. Tears rose into my eyes. "He was the one who was trying to justify sin! He tried to protect you from me! And I let him!"

"Daniel, please calm down.", Martin said, his voice trembling.

"I tried to protect her!", Marc screamed.

"I'm sorry!", I lamented.

It was an accident!

Martin had found the dagger in the nightstand. Took him long enough.

"What, are you going to stab an unarmed man?", scoffed Marc, "Coward!"

I could hear my own heartbeat as clearly as if I was holding up my ear against it.

I remembered now. How could I have ever forgotten?

"I can't believe you.", my voice was so faint I almost feared Martin couldn't hear it.

"I was in denial about what you were capable of."

"What I'm capable of?", Martin repeated, slowly raising the dagger, "You deceived me for years, kill my daughter, I have the mercy to keep you alive and after ten years, you break into my room and have the audacity to ask for justice? You're insane!"

"YOU DON'T DESERVE TO LECTURE ME ABOUT INSANITY!!"

Marc's voice tore apart the room and left behind a deafening silence.

Martin flinched for a second, then came storming towards us. Martin had never used a weapon properly in his entire life. He kept going for my head. A few times, he managed to scratch my face, but none of the wounds did much damage. Until he hit my neck.

My whole body went warm, then cold.

My vision was getting blurry.

Marc kicked Martin's shin - he bowed down in agony and my cellmate used the opportunity to strike.

Again and again.

And again.

I couldn't stop him, even if I wanted to. There was an ancient rage within him that had been dormant for almost a decade. The rhythmic beating had a therapeutic effect on me - how ironic.

Once Martin's face was shattered beyond recognition, Marc was satisfied.

He panted uncontrollably.

My arm was sore.

My neck was burning.

I had trouble breathing.

I looked down at the rock in my hand. It was now coated with a translucent red that ran down my fingers, along my arm and finally dropped off my elbow.

"Now Elizabeth can rest in peace.", Marc breathed heavily. I nodded.

There were noises outside.

The whole house had woken up at this point.

"I feel like there's no way out of this one, my friend.", Marc whispered.

"I don't care. We did what we came here for."

There was a loud knock on the door. "Count Martin?", a panicked voice sounded through the expensive wood.

Marc took a deep, raspy breath.

"Shall we?"

"I think so."

Together, we stepped to the window. The beautiful, stained glass panes depicted a gorgeous field of poppies.

Epilogue: Something to remember you by

Crunch, who had hidden behind the rose garden, heard the riot and observed the amount of lights that had started flickering behind the windows all across the house. They had also noticed the sound of shattering glass very close to the left tower.

He found the body lying on top of a berry bush, surrounded by red glass shards that were glittering in the moonlight. Daniel’s face was full of bloody slashes and his neck had been sliced open.

Crunch breathed in sharply through his teeth.

"They really did a number on you two, huh?"

Carefully, he pulled Daniel's glasses from his face.

"No payment - I just want something to remember you by. It’s not like you need them anymore."

They carefully tucked the glasses into their chest pocket. He'd find a nice case for it soon.

One last time they gazed up at the blood stained window.

"Man, what the fuck happened up there... I just hope you got your revenge."

Daniel didn't reply. Neither did Marc. Crunch the human figured they had probably lost consciousness before they crashed into the bushes.

There were voices upstairs.

"Gotta go.", they whispered, "I don't want to be caught just yet."

As quickly and quietly as a cat, they sneaked through the garden, over the road and through the gate and finally jumped onto the coach to escape.

The staff found the body by dawn. Most of them recognized Daniel, the one who was responsible for Lady Elizabeth's death. They put two and two together, hurled his body into a ditch without further notice and went on with their lives.

Two collectors came a while after.

A: "Finally, a human that we don't have to dig up for once."

B: "How considerate."

A: "You get the body, I get the soul."

B: "No way, he's too tall! Help me carry!"

A: "I won this week's betting pool. You get the body."

One collector groaned. The other got the extraction tool and a jar and got to work.

A: "Uuuh…"

B: "What, you need help with the soul too?"

A: "I'm gonna need another jar."

B: "What?"

A: "This one has two souls."

B: "Oh! I've seen this! Happens sometimes."

A: "Really?"

B: "One time, I had one with like 20 souls."

A: "Okay, now I know you're lying."

B: "I'm not! I can show you once we're back!"

A: "Yeah, yeah."

They made a copy, then dragged the body and the two souls to disappear into The Empty.

END

#nobody perceive me #I wrote this story when I was 13 and got to finish it sometime last year after not touching it for like a decade #also I'm still a bit rusty so like. don't expect a masterpiece or something #anyway content warnings (spoilers):#medical abuse #ableism #misgendering #gaslighting #murder #violence #child abuse (implied)#child death #suicide #immolation #basically: it's one of *my* stories. they're all a bit fucked up #I also haven't published anything in over a decade so I'm a bit nervous #no-thanks-im-stuffed

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