#yeps

[xxlady-lunaxx]

Emotional pain | {DouKaza}

Theme: Angst+Fluff

Note: Manga spoilers<3

Have you ever felt guilty for something at an excrutiating level, to the point you feel that you can no longer live, no longer feel and you go numb, not wanting to live, anymore, just wanting to end everything? And yet, you don't know why. You don't know why you feel like that, you could never understand yourself, but you still—still—feel so fucking guilty. 

Douma sat with his head buried in his hands, wishing he could rid of this ache in him, wanting to understand what the hell he'd done to make himself feel like this. 

Footsteps, quiet, familiar.

He turned.

"Akaza-dono?" 

Uppermoon three stood at the doorway, his arms crossed, eyebrows raised. "Didn't know you spent your free time crying," he said.

"I'm not crying!" Douma protested. 

Akaza sighed and walked forward, untangling his arms and reaching out, wiping Douma's cheek was strange tenderness. "You're crying. You literally have tears staining your cheeks," he said, showing him the tear drop he'd gotten on his finger.

Douma reached up and rubbed at his eyes. "No... I just got something in my eye," he said, pouting.

"Whatever you say."

"Why are you here, Akaza-dono?" he asked, tilting his head.

"Because the sun rose and this place had to be the only close shelter," Akaza said, rolling his eyes. "Just my luck."

Douma beamed. "We can spend time together!" he said.

"Fuck no, I'm not spending any time with you." Akaza turned abruptly. "I was planning to not even talk to you but I heard someone crying."

"I wasn't crying," Douma whined. Then remembered why he had been and said, quietly for he was afraid Akaza would only call him stupid, "Akaza-dono, do you know why I feel guilty?"

Akaza paused in his tracks. "Guilty? Of what?" 

"I'm not sure," he admitted. "But it hurts."

The shorter Uppermoon turned. "Hurt? How?"

Douma placed a hand to his chest, pressing slightly. "Like pain that wasn't there but hurt a lot," he murmured. "I could tell, only, that it was guilt. I... don't know why, or how, or what happened, or anything. Only... what."

"Oh." Akaza blinked. "Do you have any idea why? Did you recently do something regrettable?" he asked, tilting his head slightly. 

Douma shook his head. "If I did, I wouldn't know. I never know." He looked down. 

Akaza sighed, moving forward until they stood face to face. "Listen, guilt is like a form of regret that comes if you did something you felt you shouldn't have or if you didn't do something when you felt you should've. Something like that. Might not be obvious to you since you're a dumbass, but try thinking about if you know anytime that might fit my description." 

Douma nodded, sitting down on the cushion he always sat on while he spoke to his patients, except this time he was the patient being spoken to, helped.

Akaza sighed and sat down as well, figuring nothing bad would come out of this anyways. Besides, if he made Douma realize how to understand emotions maybe he would stop bothering the shit out of him.

And so he waited in silence, the only sound in the room was their breathing which came out soft and quiet, even in the silence.

Akaza started counting the seconds, his boredom getting the best of him. 

When he got to around four hundred and seventy two, Douma spoke up, his voice loud and startling both of them. 

"Sorry," Douma said, lowering his voice to a near whisper to fit the silence that had spread across the two of them.

"Mm, did you figure anything out?" Akaza asked. He was curious, although he'd never admit that.

"Well, there was this woman... Her name was Kotoha. I dunno... I kept her with me for a bit but later she found out I was a demon and ran away and I killed her and she dropped her child off a cliff." Douma shrugged. "That's all I can think of. Well, I've always wondered what would happen if I had emotions. People say they would feel horrible if they killed someone or if their parents died or anything like that, but I never felt anything when all of that happened for me." He sighed. "I don't konw, Akaza-dono. I can't figure anything out." 

Akaza stared at him. "Why did you kill the woman?" he asked completely ignoring everything else.

"Because she ran away?" Douma said, confused. "Why not?"

"She's a woman!! She didn't do anything wrong!! Besides, I'm sure she would be devestated to know she dropped her child," Akaza said, crossing his arms. 

"Huh? But... she was a human?" Douma said.

"And?" 

They stared at each other for a beat before Akaza sighed.

"Fine, we'll drop that topic. Why did you keep the woman with you?" he asked.

"She was pretty! And really cheerful." Douma smiled, reminising in the memories. "I sometimes feel like I shouldn't have killed her. But I don't know if it's guilt. She was just good company."

Akaza rolled his eyes. "Clearly you have no experience in emotions despite living for over a century. A normal person would feel horrible if they killed someone they enjoyed spending time with. And what you said about your parents dying, they'd feel bad for not doing anything. Unless they didn't give a fuck about them, of course," he said, lifting a shoulder in a half shrug.

"...Okay," Douma said, nodding. "So maybe that's it? But then... why's it so... intense?"

"Why's what?" 

"The guilt? Or whatever." He looked down. "Will it go away?" 

Akaza shook his head. "It might go away, it might not. Depends on if you will still care."

Douma nodded again, closing his eyes. Fuck it wouldn't go away. It appeared less, now, as if he understanding it better could bring him to feel better as well. But it wasn't gone. 

"You alright?" Akaza asked as Douma's facial expression contorted to one of pain. 

The slight concern hidden in his voice brought the rainbow eyes to open and he looked up, nodding stiffly.

"I'm scared, Akaza-dono," he mumbled.

"Why?"

"I don't understand anything. I don't like this." His voice was so meek, small, so contrasting to everything he'd ever done.

And it made Akaza pity him. Sort of. 

He stood, then, sitting next to Douma and placing a hand on his back.

"Listen, sure, we're demons, but everyone needs some time to understand shit and learn. You'll understand eventually and it's not like you haven't functioned before without understanding. I just... don't stress it, it's annoying and you're going to keep asking me for help, probably. Whatever you regret, it's in the past and you can't change that." Akaza paused, then, his mind flashing him everything he regretted, too fast for him to comprehend but slow enough for him to notice. He sighed. "Whatever happened just try not to let it happen again."

Douma nodded slowly. "Okay... That makes sense," he said, turning to look at the Uppermoon. "Thank you, Akaza-dono." He smiled, an action that looked so much more genuine than normal and made Akaza's heart flutter with something he'd never admit to even himself. 

"Sure, whatever," he said, slipping off the cushion and standing. "I'm going to go find a room to stay in here. Don't talk to me anymore."

"Okay!" Douma said, a lot more cheerfully than before. 

Akaza gave him a slight smile then wandered out the door and into the halls, his mind stuck on the image of Douma's smile.

{Word count: 1245}

A little explanation to Douma's silly guilt:

Mostly, I was thinking, he felt guilty for not being able to feel bad or feel anything and react properly about anything

He'd been helping his patients and had been hit with a sudden thought that people poured out their emotions to him and he responded with more or less a lie and a half hearted sorry to hear that and he felt bad about that, but he didn't realize since he'd been doing it his whole life and had never realized it wasn't really normal 

[caigotosleep]

If we’re moots i promise im DYING to talk to you and truly want too, however im so deeply afraid of you all/pos and cannot talk to people i vaguely know for the life of me (mainly of the fear of seeming annoying and stuff)

So just- i wanna talk to you guys i promise im just too scared to-

[everydaylouie]

ghost swing 👻 🎸

[bootleg-grandpa]

Uh..my hand slipped, sorry- didn't mean to make it angsty at the end

Anyway, smol twins meet smol twins- a twinsanity, a tetra-twin, a 2+2

Next (kinda??)

[fuckyeahgoodomens]

[thesaltyace]

Y'all I did NOT know this about Harris, and I think it's really critical that we all listen and understand as we approach this election. Video at the end.

This creator's video describes how progressive Harris was as a prosecutor -- actively going against the grain to the point she was accused of being soft on crime. Accused of being a social worker, not a prosecutor. She calls it being smart on crime. She's pushing for systemic changes to give real pathways to reintegrate incarcerated folks back into society and prevent their past from continuing to haunt them moving forward.

"Kamala's a cop" is a catchy dismissive response usually used to shut down conversation rather than add nuance. But this kind of reform is ESSENTIAL to work towards a present and future that treats incarcerated people with value.

I fell for it in 2020 and have thought "Kamala's a cop" without further inspection since - and I'm sobered by the realization that (you guessed it!) I'm not immune to propaganda.

A better system only follows liberal democracy, because library democracy allows for exploration of better systems. If authoritarianism takes hold, it will not allow for the exploration of better systems. We will have to fight tooth and nail just to try to get back to liberal democracy, and I suspect we could not achieve it in our lifetimes.

Harris isn't perfect. But she's a hell of a lot better than many leftists have led me to believe. Don't let perfection be the enemy of good. Don't let perfection be the enemy of harm reduction.

We can either help elect Trump and usher in authoritarian fascism, or we can help defeat him and pull things back in the direction we want to go. Not liking the choices doesn't absolve you from participating and doing the most good you can with the options available.

I'll link the original video in the replies. The original video has captions if you need them.

[socialistexan]

[nessa007]

[clarisimart]

Being a god's favorite is not always a good thing

AKA Fuck around era Ford VS Find out era Ford

Commission info here

[lowpolyanimals]

Camopus from Earthbound 64 / Mother 3 (cancelled game)

[plumadot]

shy confessions mmmmmmmmmm

[anniebass]

Steve brought pizza for the D&D sesh, the DM is merely thanking him

Bitchy Steve ficlet to go with this picture 😇

[peachebo]

I remember I had a concept about alternative ending of sl where michael brings ennard home and jus lives very normal life with a killing machine...

also here's ennard with da cat

[art-tip]

ADOBE IS DISCONTINUING CREATIVE CLOUD SYNCED FILES ON FEBRUARY 1ST OF 2024

DOWNLOAD ANY IF NOT ALL FILES YOU HAVE STORED

Full article here

[tartppola]

adeuyuu posting again 😫😫

[charliewrites99]

The reason why I first thought Goncharov was real, wasn't because of the cast or the poster or the extensive cinematography analysis...It was because the posts that waxed poetic about the homoerotic subtext were higher on the trending page than those that actually explained the plot.