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captainofmybigwetdream · 3 years ago

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Febuwhump '22 - Billy Butcher / The Boys Edition [ao3]

Day 16: "Does that hurt?"

Additional scene for Season 2, Episode 8: What I Know

Word count: ~ 7k

Warnings: canon compliant character death (heavily mentioned), blood and cussing (it's The Boys, what did you expect?)

A/N: All my love to @zecklein because I wouldn't be able to do this without her endless cheerleading! Luv ya!

[Febuwhump Masterpost]

Tag list: @amethystpagan

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry… Mum, I’m sorry…”

The small boy had been sobbing his apologies and regrets into the lapel of Butcher’s coat like a mantra for the past ten minutes. Butcher neither had the energy nor the parental know-how to properly console Ryan, so he just kept stroking his back with his free hand.

An all-consuming numbness had fogged up his mind and his legs were moving on autopilot. The only thing he was able to focus on, was the leaf-covered forest floor in front of him. There simply was no behind to him. Every time he tried to think about what had happened, his mind drew a blank. He was compartmentalising, he knew that.

“I’m so sorry… I’m sorry, mum…”

A sudden rushing sound pulled him from his thoughts and Ryan tensed up in his arms, starting to shake with fear. Butcher looked up at the sky and saw Homelander fly away. He couldn’t be sure because the supe was far away and very fast, but it looked like he was carrying a body. Stormfront.

His mind was threatening to break the barrier of denial at the thought of what they’d left in the clearing, so he turned his head towards Ryan and spoke up for the first time since they’d started walking.

“Don’t worry, lad. He’s gone. Yer safe now.”

“What if he comes back?” Ryan’s voice was muffled and shaky and painfully soft.

“Then I’m gonna kill him,” Butcher replied grimly, knowing full well it was the truth. He would either kill him or die trying.

“Mum wouldn’t like that,” the boy said between sobs. His tone was so sincere, it made Butcher’s heart sink. He had never felt this heavy in his entire life.

“No, I s’pose she wouldn’t…”

Then they fell silent again. The absence of their voices only emphasised the eery stillness around them. The woods seemed to be utterly void of sound, safe for his muted footsteps. He didn’t remember having fled into the forest so deeply, the way back out felt impossibly long. Then again, his sense of time was completely screwed up.

Slowly the vegetation started to grow thinner, and Butcher was sure they were only a few minutes away from the edge of the woods. Ryan appeared to be sensing it too, because he finally looked up from Butcher’s shoulder again. His tears had dried out and his face was red and puffy. He straightened up as best as the man’s hold on him allowed and looked at his bearded face.

“Does that hurt?” Ryan asked, his voice tinged in mild curiosity and worry.

“Does what hurt?” Butcher asked, completely unaware of what the boy was talking about.

“Your head. It’s bleeding.”

Butcher struggled to put all of Ryan’s weight on one arm to free his other hand. Then he reached up to touch the back of his head. His hand did indeed come away bloody. Well, that at least explained his growing sluggishness. Now that he knew, his head started pounding. Great.

“No… it ain’t that bad,” Butcher eventually replied and renewed his grip on the boy with both arms.

“Mum always said that you’re not supposed to lie,” he said and looked down to avoid the man’s eyes. Instead, he started to fumble around with a frayed seam of Butcher’s coat, suddenly desperate with the need to busy his hands. “But she lied to me, too. So, maybe lying isn’t that bad.”

Butcher sighed deeply and closed his eyes for a moment. Then he patted the boys back to make him look at him again.

“Listen, Ryan. Yer mum had no other choice. She hated lying to ya. But she had to keep you safe. You understand that, right? You were the most important thing to her,” he said and knew every word of it was true.

“More… More important than you?” Ryan asked hesitantly, his eyes filling with tears again.

Butcher bit his tongue to keep himself from releasing his pent-up bitterness. It wasn’t the boy’s fault. It simply wasn’t. Becca had insisted on that with her dying breath. He swallowed thickly, then nodded.

“Much more important than me.”

“I’m sorry, Mr Butcher,” Ryan whimpered, once again burying his face at the man’s shoulder. “I’m just like him, like my dad.”

“Fuck, Ryan,” he ground out through gritted teeth, startling the boy unintentionally. “None of this is your fault. No, look at me!” Ryan sobbed again, but eventually met his eyes again, his timid look making Butcher sigh once more. He looked so much like his mother it was painful. “It’s not your fault. You tried to protect yer mum. You did more than I ever could’ve done. It was… an accident.”

The boy bit his lip and let his tears run freely. It seemed like he wasn’t sure if Butcher was lying to him again.

“Do ya understand?”

“I think so,” Ryan finally conceded.

“Good. And for fuck sake, never call me Mr Butcher again,” he added on an afterthought. “I’m Billy to you, alright?”

“Alright,” the boy nodded, and the ghost of a smile flitted across his wet face.

They were now approaching the edge of the forest, the field beneath it already clearly visible. He could see the others standing close together by a car.

“One more thing, Ryan,” he said, and the boy looked at him again. “Yer nothing like Homelander.”

“But what if I am? Mum didn’t want me to use my powers. I think she was scared of them,” Ryan admitted quietly.

“Well… I don’t wanna lie to ya, lad. Yer powers are dangerous. But if you follow one simple rule, you can make sure not to become like him.”

Ryan was hanging onto his every word, eager to learn the secret. “What’s the rule?”

“Don’t be a cunt.”

There was no time to inquire further because as they were leaving the trees behind, the man had fallen completely silent again. Ryan wasn’t sure why, but he knew it was no use to ask more questions right now. So, he turned his head in the direction Butcher was looking and saw the people who he’d met for the first time mere hours ago.

Again, he tensed up, his breathing becoming quick and irregular, and he tried to hide his face in the crook of Butcher’s neck. He didn’t know them and the thought of having to talk to them was scary. People were overwhelming to him. And although none of them was even remotely as intimidating as Butcher, there was no one he trusted more than the man who was carrying him.

“Hey, it’s okay, lad,” Butcher mumbled close to his ear and stroked his back again. “They’re friends.”

It was then that Ryan realised that the man’s arms had started shaking beneath him from the strain of carrying him for such a long time. He was hurt too, and Ryan didn’t want to make it worse for him.

“You can put me down if you want to. I can walk,” the boy offered and started to wiggle around in Butcher’s arms, eager to help him in any way he could.

“Nah, it’s fine,” Butcher replied and tightened his hold on him.

Secretly, Ryan was glad about that. He didn’t want to leave the safety he’d begun to feel in the man’s arms. Especially with so many new people around.

There was no greeting when the two finally reached the others, Butcher’s expression rendering them speechless. No one felt the need to ask what had happened, it was clearly written across his face.

The patch of ground where the shelter had been was completely burnt, and their cars were wracked beyond repair. He looked at the perfectly fine but unfamiliar cars they were standing next to. His best guess was that Frenchie had probably short-circuited and stolen them from the nearby parking lot they’d passed on their way here. It meant they’d been waiting for them to come back.

M.M., Hughie and Annie were standing close together, apparently having been in some discussion until they’d seen Butcher and Ryan appearing from the forest. Kimiko and Frenchie were sitting on the hood of one of the cars. He had his arm around her shoulder and she was leaning against him.

Butcher came to a halt a few yards away from them, his gaze firmly fixed on the ground. The atmosphere was tense and no one seemed to know what to do, how to act around the two people who’d just lost the most important person in their lives. To everyone’s surprise, Annie was the first to move and approach the pair. She slowly but purposefully walked up to them and tried to catch the man’s eye.

“I’m sorry,” she breathed softly, putting as much meaning into her words as humanly possible. For one second she hesitated, then laid her hand on Butcher’s shoulder.

The others took in one huge collective breath at her reckless bravery, but nothing happened. No one was more astonished than he was when he didn’t shake her off or shoot her any death glares. The truth was he was just too damn tired. So, he contented himself with giving her a nod.

“Ryan?” she asked gently, addressing the shaking boy now.

The mere sound of his name made him flinch and he slung his arms around Butcher’s neck, apparently hoping to become invisible.

“Hey, Ryan,” Butcher said, and surprised everyone again with the tenderness in his voice. “There’s something I need you to do for me.”

The boy finally looked up with a concentrated frown on his face. If there was anything he could do for Butcher, then he would do it. He nodded, signalling for him to go on.

“I need ya to stay with me friends for a bit. There’s still something I have to do.” Butcher knelt down and put Ryan on his feet.

“No!” the boy called out in fear, shocking even himself with the fierceness of his reply, then added almost pleadingly, “Please don’t leave me, Billy.”

“I ain’t leaving ya, lad. I promise I’ll only be an hour.” Butcher put his hands on Ryan’s shoulders and looked him straight in the eyes.

The others were exchanging disbelieving looks at the uncharacteristic behaviour of their leader. Annie got down on her knees too and tilted her head at Ryan.

“Hey, Ryan,” she said and gave him a friendly smile. “I’m Annie. That over there is my friend Hughie.” She pointed at the man in question and was happy to see the boy’s eyes following hers. Hughie gave them a small wave and smiled at Ryan too. “The two on the car are Kimiko and Frenchie.” Her finger wandered over to the pair and they also waved at Ryan. “And that’s M.M.” She indicated the last member of their group who managed a genuine smile, for the boy’s sake.

“See, now you know ‘em,” Butcher tried to encourage him. “They’re not strangers anymore. And I bet you’ll like them a lot more than me.”

Ryan frowned at him again, this time in blatant defiance. “Why?”

“Because they’re much nicer than me,” Butcher replied with a sarcastic grin and ruffled the boy’s hair.

Annie threw a glance over at Hughie to share her amazement of Billy Butcher with someone. He immediately caught her eye and silently mouthed “What the fuck is happening?” at her. She just shrugged and shook her head at him.

“But you are nice,” Ryan shot back with an actual, honest-to-God pout on his face.

“Ya just don’t know me all that well,” he replied and raised his eyebrows at the boy. “Now listen, it’s gonna be dark soon, so I need to hurry. I promise I’ll back as soon as I can, and this lot is gonna keep you safe until then.”

“Okay,” the boy eventually conceded with a sniff and a hearty nod.

“That’s a good lad,” Butcher said and clapped him on the shoulder. Then he proceeded to stand up again but the sudden rush to his head made him stumble. Ryan looked at him in alarm and grabbed his hand, clutching at the man’s fingers in worry.

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” he tried to reassure him and closed his eyes for a second to get his head right. When he opened them again, everyone was looking at him, not buying his fake nonchalance for a second. He ignored them and tried to extract his hand from Ryan’s. “I’ll be back in a jiffy, promise.”

Ryan threw a helpless look at Annie who just gave him an equally helpless smile. Then she offered him her hand, which he took hesitantly. Butcher just nodded at them and turned on his heel, apparently planning on going back into the forest. M.M. immediately made to follow Butcher and caught up with him about twenty yards away from the group.

“What the fuck, Butcher? Where do you think you’re going?” he asked, just loud enough for the others to hear.

“Left something in the forest,” Butcher shot back grimly.

“Your fucking head’s bleeding and from the way you’re stumbling around, I’d say you have a concussion,” M.M. interjected with a stern look. “No way I’m letting you walk back into that forest.”

“I’d love to see you try and hold me back.”

The two men were trying to stare each other down, equally stubborn and strong-minded.

“Look Butcher,” he started, not breaking their eye contact for a second. “This can go one of two ways. You can either spare a few minutes for me to check you over or I'm gonna knock you out right here and now and drag your sorry ass to a hospital where you'll wake up surrounded by way less understanding personnel than me. Your choice.”

“No!” Ryan cried out just as Butcher was about to give M.M. a piece of his mind. The boy wrangled his hand from Annie’s and started to run towards the two men, his eyes starting to glow red when they focused on M.M. “Don’t hurt him!”

Butcher’s eyes widened in shock at Ryan’s strong reaction, and he jumped in front of M.M. without thinking about it.

“Ryan, stop! Look, I’m fine! He was just making a very bad joke,” he called out towards the child who was charging towards them with purpose. “Ryan, it’s okay!”

The boy slowed down, looking unsure now as his eyes returned to normal when they met Butcher’s. Then he quickly turned his attention back to M.M. who really didn’t look like he was about to hurt Butcher. But Ryan was confused because there’d been so much lying already, so he kept running until he reached Butcher and instantly latched onto him again.

“Shit, son, I get the abandonment issues, but this is a little extreme, don’t ya think?”

M.M. raised his eyebrows at a very specific part of Butcher’s phrasing, but kept his mouth shut. Instead, he turned to the small boy who had buried his face in the fabric of the other man’s sweater and stooped down to his eyelevel.

“I wasn’t going to hurt him,” he said gently. “I was just trying to make sure he’s okay. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Ryan tried to get his sobbing back under control and finally looked at M.M. with a healthy portion of suspicion. Meanwhile, the others had finally managed to shake their temporary paralysis and were now hurriedly walking towards them.

“Hey,” Butcher addressed the boy and laid a hand on his head. “M.M. might be an arsehole, but he wouldn’t hurt me. He’s far too scared of me returning the favour.”

Ryan bent his head back to look up at the man and pursed his lips. “Then let him look at your head.”

Butcher scrunched up his face in frustration and he could hear how M.M. was trying to hold back a chuckle from the way his breath hitched. He really needed to get back into the forest before sunset. So, he finally looked over at the former medic.

“You heard the boy. Just get on with it.”

A few minutes later Butcher’s headwound had been cleaned up, disinfected, and momentarily bandaged. Luckily enough, they had found a first aid kit in one of the stolen cars. He’d also downed three ibuprofen and a bottle of water because he could feel Ryan’s cautious gaze burning holes into him throughout the whole thing.

“Happy now?” he finally asked, spreading his arms in a show of complacency.

“Yes,” Ryan nodded seriously, then went on to tug at his sweater to get him to bend down.

Butcher complied with a long-suffering sigh. “What’s going on?”

“Why do you have to go back into the forest?” the boy asked quietly, but the people who surrounded them could still hear his every word.

The man placed his hands on Ryan’s arms to secure his attention, an unnecessary gesture seeing as Ryan was watching him with the same intensity he’d threatened M.M. with earlier.

“I… I need to….” He trailed of a few times before managing to put the sentence together he so clearly dreaded to voice aloud. “I need to get yer mum. I can’t leave her there.”

The boy’s eyes started to fill with tears again and he very much wanted to throw himself into Butcher’s arms but couldn’t because he was held in place by his strong hands.

“I want to come with you,” Ryan said miserably and started to shake with sobs again.

“Not an option, kid,” he breathed out on a long exhale.

“He’s not wrong,” M.M. interjected, which earned him a hard glare from Butcher. “Obviously, he’s staying. But somebody should go with you. I get that you need to do this, but you’re seriously injured.”

“I’m not taking any of you cunts with me,” he growled dangerously and made Ryan flinch at his side. Almost as if on instinct, Butcher started to stroke his head comfortingly while not breaking eye contact with M.M. “I don’t want ya there, understood?”

“But-“ Hughie tried to butt in for the first time, then got talked over immediately.

“Now, it’s just a little headache, so stop fucking exaggerating. When I'm not back within an hour, feel free to send a fucking search party,” Butcher went on, trying for a little bit of a compromise, mostly for Ryan’s sake.

M.M. threw his hands up in surrender, giving the other man a thoroughly exasperated look. “Fine, asshole. Have it your way.”

“That’s my favourite kind of way,” he replied with a smug grin.

His swagger didn’t fool anyone, though. His façade had never been more transparent than it was right then. The worst thing was that Butcher knew it too. He avoided their eyes, afraid to be met with pity. So, he let his hand fall away from Ryan’s head and led him over to Hughie and Annie.

“Yer gonna be staying with my good friends Hughie and…” – Butcher seemed to be having a hard time saying the second name – “… and Annie.”

Annie’s eyebrows shot up in renewed disbelief and she wasn’t sure if she was maybe just dreaming the whole thing. For a second, she even doubted that the man standing in front of them was indeed the real Billy Butcher. Before she could say anything about it, Ryan had slipped his hand into hers again, though. She looked down at the boy and gave him a reassuring smile which he shyly tried to return.

Butcher put a heavy hand on Hughie’s shoulder to get his attention and the younger man immediately turned towards him. “Don’t let him out of your sight.”

“Okay,” Hughie nodded, unable to stop himself from frowning. “Are you sure you want to go alone?”

Instead of a reply, he only got a sinister scowl in return. It was answer enough. In fact, Hughie wasn’t even sure why he’d asked in the first place, only that he’d felt like he had to. He didn’t like the idea of Butcher walking into that forest again. Not when he knew what he was going to have to do in there, and with a headwound no less.

There was no more room for objections, though. M.M. had already given up and there was no one else who could really outface Butcher. At least not if they wanted to avoid a physical confrontation. So, when Butcher finally left them standing there, Hughie just knelt down next to Ryan and wordlessly joined him in watching the man walk towards the forest again.

“One hour,” M.M mumbled under his breath, then turned around and busied himself with packing up his medical supplies.

* * *

Butcher felt oddly vulnerable when he reached the treeline. For some reason he didn’t really care to examine, Ryan’s presence had given him a certain level of comfort. Maybe it was just that the boy had been a task to focus on.

Now that he was alone again, he decided to give in to his numbness and let it take over his mind. He didn’t really see any another way to make it through the next hours, because he knew that what he was about to do, was going to be hard. Probably the hardest thing he’d ever have to do in his life. Including his little brother’s funeral.

The forest once again swallowed every sound as he entered it. Dusk was already creeping up on him and the shadows were quickly growing longer. A low fog rose from the damp ground as the air was cooling down.

Butcher’s head was still pounding under the bandage, but the pain killers were taking the edge off his pain for now. He felt strangely detached from the world around him, seeing only the leafy path in front of him. Knowing where it would eventually lead him almost made him stop in his tracks a couple of times. It was like strolling through a nightmare and it took every little bit of strength he had left in him.

Each step seemed to send a wave of exhaustion through his tired, aching bones and it took him a second to remember how first Stormfront and then Ryan’s outbreak had thrown him into trees like a muppet. The Nazi bitch had almost electrocuted him, too. All of this, the open headwound and the fact, that he’d momentarily forgotten about it, made him wonder if M.M. had had a point about the concussion. His vision was becoming a little frayed at the edges and it took more and more effort to focus his eyes the further he went into the forest. He had broken into a cold sweat and started to shiver in his clothes as the wind picked up.

Deep down he was aware that taking someone with him would’ve been the sensible thing to do, of course. But deep down was a place he was careful to keep a lid on. There was some stuff down there he’d rather not look at.

Butcher’s breathing was shallow and laboured when he finally pushed through the last trees which separated him from the clearing where it had happened. His eyes were glued to the floor as he dragged his heavy boots across it, step after step, getting closer but not daring to look. He didn’t have to. The scene was burnt into his retinas, imprinted on his brain. No concussion would ever let him forget that.

So, after a few yards, he came to a halt and sank to his knees. She lay just as still as he had left her. Cautious to avoid looking at her face, he gently took her hand in his and closed his eyes. Her skin was still warm against the cool air. All alone in the quiet of the forest, he allowed himself a moment of grief. He let a few tears spill over and run down his cheeks, leaving streaks in the grime on his face.

The pain of having lost her irrevocably was turning into a physical presence, like a shadow he knew would follow him for the rest of his life. His heart cramped up with each beat and his guts had turned into a tight, convulsing knot. He was acutely aware of his blood pulsing through his veins, every pump going straight to his head and reminding him of his open wound. He could feel it leaving his body and seeping into the bandage.

None of that mattered much, though. Because nothing mattered to him in that moment, and he wasn’t sure if anything would ever matter again. The truth was that the best part of Billy Butcher had died and lay forever motionless on the forest ground before him. He wished he had died with her.

Without thinking about it, he shrugged off his coat and draped it over Becca’s unmoving form, carefully wrapping it around her shoulders and the length of her body. Then he turned up the collar against the gaping wound that tarnished her throat. When there was nothing left to do, he finally forced himself to look at her face.

Although she was unbearably pale, her closed eyes and relaxed features made her look oddly calm. He knew she wasn’t just asleep. He’d seen his fair share of death in his life and always hated that cliché people tried to comfort themselves with. He remembered what Becca looked like when she was sleeping, the picture still clear as day before his eyes. The way her face creased up when she was dreaming and her eyes fluttered when she was on the brink of waking up. Even asleep she’d been more alive than he’d ever felt. Now, the sheer absence of life was excruciatingly obvious on her smooth, beautiful face.

“My girl,” he whispered into the silence and could still hear her promise echoing in his head. Always.

With shaking fingers, he brushed a strand of hair from her forehead, then closed his eyes again and took a deep breath. He swiped the tears from his face with the back of his hand in one rough motion and tried to compose himself. Squaring his brought shoulders, he slipped his arms under her back and legs, and pushed himself to his feet with great effort. Her limp body felt heavy and uncooperative in his arms, and he knew it would take everything he had left to carry her out of the forest.

“I’m sorry, luv… I’m so sorry…” he mumbled as he cradled her lifeless form against his chest and finally started to leave the clearing, each step a conscious struggle. “Becca, I’m sorry…”

* * *

Ryan was seated on the hood of a car between Hughie and Annie, listlessly nibbling on the chocolate bar Hughie had fished out of his pocket. The group had been quiet for the better part of an hour now and the boy watched the others becoming more restless with each passing minute. He had started to list off all the states and their capitals in his head to distract himself from the fact that Butcher still hadn’t returned.

M.M. and Frenchie were standing close together and Ryan could hear them discussing the search party Butcher had mentioned earlier. Meanwhile, Kimiko was watching the treeline unblinkingly. He really hoped that he was allowed to go with them if it came to it, but somehow he knew that M.M. wouldn’t let him.

“Hey, bud, you’re shivering,” Hughie suddenly stated, and it made Ryan look up at him with a start. Up until then, he hadn’t even noticed how cold he was.

“It’s fine,” he mumbled softly and averted his gaze again.

“Here,” the young man said and gently draped his jacket around Ryan’s shoulders. “Are you sure you don’t want to lie down in the car? You must be really tired.”

“No… I want to wait for Billy. He promised to come back,” the boy replied in a small voice, but the yawn that threatened to escape his lips betrayed him. “Please.”

“Of course,” Hughie nodded, trying to give him a reassuring smile.

Ryan liked the young man. He was nice and he was Billy’s friend. So maybe, he could be his friend too. Annie seemed nice, as well, but for some reason he couldn’t stand looking her in the eyes because each time he did, he found sadness and pity in them. He knew she didn’t mean it, but it made him want to cry.

M.M. and Frenchie scared him a little and he thought they had realised it too. They threw him occasional glances and tried to smile at him while keeping their distance. It reminded him of the time he’d found a little bird in the backyard. The small creature had been hurt and scared, and it had taken Ryan hours of patience to get close enough to help. His mum had been waiting in the background with a padded cardboard box, giving him encouraging smiles every time he’d looked at her. In the end, he’d managed to carefully scoop the fragile little thing into his hands and carry it over to his mother. Together they’d nursed it back to health. He could still remember the rush of happiness he’d felt when they’d finally released it again, how it had spread its wings and flown off into the bright sky.

Why such a happy memory brought tears to his eyes again, he didn’t quite understand. He wished his mum was there to explain it. And maybe that was the problem, he thought. She wasn’t there and never would be again. The realisation shot through him like lightning and there was nothing he could do to supress the renewed sobs that erupted from his body.

Instinctively, Ryan turned towards Hughie in search of comfort. The young man shot his girlfriend an alarmed look as he wrapped his arms around the shaking boy. Annie scooted a little closer and started to stroke Ryan’s head soothingly. It took a few minutes but eventually Ryan’s sobs subsided and he nestled into Hughie’s side.

There were no words that could make the boy’s pain go away and every comforting word Hughie could come up with in his head sounded belittling and hypocritical. So, they fell back into silence, hoping it would be enough.

By the time Ryan straightened up a little and tugged at Hughie’s shirt, the sun had set, and Frenchie had turned on the front lights of one of the cars in hopes that it would help Butcher find his way back to them. Kimiko and M.M. were getting ready to go after their leader because he was already half an hour late.

Hughie looked down at Ryan’s puffy face and raised his eyebrows at the surprisingly inquisitive expression he was met with. “What’s up?”

“Billy said something to me, but I don’t know what it means,” the boy said hesitantly, playing around with the fabric of Hughie’s shirt.

The young man looked up and exchanged frowns with Annie before nodding for him to go on. “What did he say to you?”

Ryan scrunched up his face in deep thought, trying to remember every detail of his conversation with Butcher. Then he bit his lip and for some reason couldn’t look at either of them as he asked, “What does ‘cunt’ mean?”

Hughie’s eyes widened in shock and discomfort at the innocent question and Annie sucked in a surprised breath. Neither of them knew how to answer that particular question. The boy shrank back at their reaction, feeling like he’d said something bad or hurtful.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Annie tried to reassure him, her fingers smoothing down his blond hair. “It’s… well, it’s an insult and a very mean one, too.”

“Billy uses it a lot, even with people he does like,” Hughie took over and tried to make Ryan look at him again. “Why did he say it to you?”

“He told me not to be a… a cunt. He said it’s the rule, so I don’t become like my dad.”

“Aah,” Hughie nodded in understanding and rolled his eyes at Butcher’s blatant frankness towards the boy. “Yeah, well, I think what he meant to say was that you should always try to be a good person. It can be hard sometimes, but as long as you do your best, you’ll be fine.”

“Okay,” Ryan replied, feeling confirmed in his theory. “That’s what mum always told me, too.”

“And she’s right,” Annie nodded emphatically. “Whenever you feel like it’s all becoming too much, just take a deep breath and remember that.”

“As long as I do my best, I’ll be fine,” Ryan repeated, obviously trying very hard to internalise this rule. “Don’t be a cunt.”

Annie scrunched up her face at the sound of the word leaving the young boy’s lips again. “Basically, yes. But maybe don’t overuse the word. That’s Billy’s job.”

“Guys!” M.M. suddenly called out, thankfully interrupting their novice parenting moment. One more minute and Hughie might’ve thrown himself into explaining the second meaning of the word and why it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. Ryan really didn’t need to know about that, yet.

“Monsieur Charcutier!” Frenchie pointed at the dark figure that appeared from the trees, still far away and only made visible by the car’s spotlight. “Fucking finally!”

Butcher was taking slow, unsteady steps, stumbling every few feet and clearly weighed down by the body he was carrying. Hughie tightened his arms around Ryan, very much wanting to protect him from seeing his dead mother but being unable to focus on anything else himself. Annie huddled up a little closer, trying to give and seek some comfort at the same time.

The sight of Billy Butcher, usually so confident and full of snarky swagger, now broken and staggering under the weight of what he’d lost, was too much to bear for any of them.

M.M. finally hurried towards his friend, worry and trepidation filling him to the brink. When he reached Butcher and offered to help, he only got a dangerous glare in response and took a step back. So, he contented himself with walking next to him, just in case. Frenchie quickly realised where the pair were headed and ran over to their second car to open the back door for them. Butcher as good as toppled over when he leaned through the door to gently place Becca’s body in the backseat while the others kept their distance.

All eyes were on him when he reappeared from the car and closed the door. His face was expressionless as he met each and every one of their gazes. Hughie held his breath when Butcher looked over at him and Ryan, who had finally succeeded in wiggling himself out of the young man’s arms. Just when Butcher reached for the bandage covering his head and closed his eyes, his legs seemed to give out and he simply broke down by the side of the car.

Ryan slid off the hood and bolted towards him, Hughie’s jacket flapping around his small frame. Then, all of a sudden, everybody seemed to spring into motion at the same time with M.M. and Frenchie being the closest to Butcher. Together they propped the man up into a sitting position as Ryan arrived by their side, tears already welling up in his eyes again as they landed on the former medic.

“Is he going to be okay?”

“Yes,” M.M. breathed out and carefully started to unwrap the blood-soaked bandage from Butcher’s head. “I’ll patch him up, no worries, kid.”

Annie had grabbed the first aid kit on her way over to them and handed it over immediately. M.M. took it from her with a grateful look, then quickly proceeded to treat the unconscious man’s headwound again. Kimiko was kneeling next to Frenchie, completely restless with nervous energy, while he was still doing his best to hold Butcher in a mostly upright position to give M.M. the best possible access.

“Sacré nom d'un chien!” Frenchie mumbled under his breath. “We should have gone with him.”

“Yeah, well, I tried,” M.M. shot back in annoyance. “Didn’t see you arguing with the asshole!”

Ryan’s eyes were trained on Butcher, closely following each shallow rise and fall of his chest, terrified that he might just stop breathing any second. Like his mum had. Hughie and Annie were standing close to him, anxiously waiting for M.M.’s assessment.

When Butcher’s wound was finally dressed again, and M.M. had checked his pulse and pupillary response, he gave a sigh of relief as he looked at Ryan. His words were meant for all of them, but the boy needed to hear them the most.

“He’s going to be fine. Yes, he has a slight concussion and the blood loss didn’t help. But mainly he just overexerted himself. Some pain killers and a bit of rest should get him back to his feet.” Then he turned back to Frenchie. “Let’s get him into the car.”

Kimiko was already opening the door on the passenger side, but M.M. shook his head at her. “The other car. Can’t have him waking up to the sight of… her.”

She nodded and threw a sad glance into the backseat, immediately feeling like she was intruding. Annie stepped up beside her and wordlessly took her hand, giving it a comforting squeeze. Kimiko looked up at her in surprised thankfulness.

M.M. and Frenchie had managed to pull Butcher up and were now carrying him between them, his arms slung around their respective shoulders. He groaned from the strain the movement put on his body and after only a few steps, his eyes fluttered open.

“He’s awake!” Ryan cried out in relief as he tugged on Hughie’s hand.

“Oi, what’re ya cunts assaulting me for?” Butcher grunted in a thick, confused voice and, apparently, he had a hard time focusing his eyes.

“If you start struggling, I’ll drop your heavy ass right here and now,” M.M. replied with a grunt of his own.

“Yeah, yeah,” Butcher coughed out on an exhale and looked over at the group that was slowly walking beside them. “You alright, kid?”

“Yes,” Ryan said just as Hughie was about to do the same. Luckily, he caught himself in time and spared himself the inevitable awkwardness that would have ensued. “Can I drive with you?”

“’f course ya can. Anything you want, lad,” Butcher agreed with exaggerated lightheartedness as he kept stumbling and leaning on his two mates.

Everyone knew it was just for show, but no one had expected him to actually give two shits about the boy. Hughie had chalked his previous friendliness towards Ryan up to shock and the need to keep him calm. But now it seemed like it might have in fact been genuine, after all.

They eventually reached the car and Kimiko had gone ahead and opened the door to the backseat already. She seemed desperate for something to do, anything really. It earned her a small but appreciative nod from Butcher which she returned sombrely.

“Okay, easy,” M.M. warned as the man pulled his arms off their shoulders and took a staggering step forward. Quickly catching himself with his hands against the roof of the car, he tried for a smirk that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Yer all done with the fucking convoy now?” he commented wryly before waving Ryan over. “Come on, hop in.”

Without waiting to be asked twice, Ryan let go of Hughie’s hand, walked past the others, and ducked under Butcher’s arms to climb into the car. M.M. took a step closer to him, laying one hand on the other man’s shoulder.

“I’ll bring her home, don’t worry,” he whispered so quietly no one else could hear it.

“Yeah, well…” Butcher took a deep breath and had to bite his tongue to prevent himself from breaking down again. Each second was a conscious effort for him now and he expected it to stay like that for the rest of his life. “I appreciate it.”

Then he followed Ryan into the car, grunting in pain and exertion. It took him a few moments to get settled during which no one made any move to get going. They were still staring at him.

“Oi, you fuckers wanna stop gawking already?” he barked at them, his patience finally running out. “Hughie, Starlight, get a move on, we ain’t got all night.”

“There he is,” Annie mumbled under her breath as Hughie passed her on the way to the driver’s side. Then she, too, slipped into the car and strapped herself in.

Hughie started the car and was about to drive off when Butcher growled half-heartedly at him from behind. “Wait. Let ‘em go first.”

Butcher didn’t have to spell it out for him to understand. He wanted to be able to keep an eye on the other car. The car that was now a hearse. So, Hughie waited for them to drive past and follow them.

Ryan wrapped the borrowed jacket tightly around himself and tried to nestle as deeply into the seat as possible. He was exhausted and barely able to keep his eyes open. The man next to him seemed to be having similar problems, with the addition of his much larger frame making it far more awkward to find a comfortable position.

Butcher knew that Annie was watching him through the rear mirror, but he didn’t care much. One look at the boy told him everything he needed to know. It took him a moment, but eventually he lifted his arm in invitation.

“Come on, yer freezing,” he sighed quietly, and Ryan scooted closer to nestle into his side.

Their new position gave him a little more room to stretch his legs into the other seat’s footwell and he rested his head against the window.

“Thank you, Billy,” the boy mumbled sleepily.

“Don’t mention it,” he replied gruffly and looked down at him.

Despite the blond hair and blue eyes, his resemblance to Becca was undeniable. It was subtle, yes, but the way his nose crinkled when he let out a yawn and his eyes fluttered with exhaustion reminded him of her so much, he wanted to scream in pain. The boy was the only thing left of her in this world and Butcher was dead-set on keeping his final promise.

“Does it still hurt?” Ryan’s voice was growing fainter with each syllable, betraying how quickly he was drifting off.

“Yeah…” Butcher sighed deeply. “And it will… for a long fucking time.”

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bakubub · 3 years ago

Text

favourite time of year

w/c: 1.2k

written for @kal0psi-a 's halloween collab

folding the sticky dough carefully, just as the recipe instructed, i try my best to ignore the itching in my nose in a feeble attempt to stay concentrated, but give up when it starts to irritate my eyes.

"eughh, because of you there's flour in my nose," i complain to my boyfriend, who has his chin hooked over my shoulder and very heavily leaning over me.

"hey, don't complain! have you seen my hair?" he asks, stretching his neck to show me. sure enough, his hair is more white than it is black. i rake my hand through it before he can say anything, my dough covered hands clumping his hair together as an avalanche of flour sprinkles all over my chest.

he screeches, jumping back from me and i quickly use this chance to start running, because based on previous incidents, there's a 90% chance he will chase me relentlessly.

his cough from across the kitchen halts my escape plan, "are you happy now? i have flour in my nose too," he complains.

i watch in amusement as a cloud of flour puffs around him in the shape of a mushroom as he sneezes heavily, looking quite literally like a cartoon character and quickly near him to snap a picture. this will do nicely for the autumn section in this year's album.

since we started dating, tetsuro and i have been taking photos of one another, which we organise into albums by year, separated by season. it started when he gave me an album on our first anniversary, now, 6 years later and married, putting together an album of the past year has become tradition. each season we do an activity that correlates with the vibe, and today, we're making pumpkin pie with halloween shape indents because really, what else comes to mind when you think of fall?

i laugh loudly at the photo i took, his face caught mid sneeze, and it seems to flick the switch deep within tetsuro that i thought i had flicked earlier, and his feline gaze snaps to mine, before lurching forward in an attempt to catch me. i move just in the nick of time and run to the other side of the bench. he chases me until we're playing cat and mouse around the bench like children, slowly stalking one another as the other makes it as though they're backtracking but running forward instead.

"give up, wicked witch!" he exclaims, putting his right hand on his heart and holding the other outwards as he closes his eyes, apparently overwhelmed with emotion, "it is i, prince tetsu-" in the midst of his theatrics, i move in for the kill. his need for dramatics is most definitely his achille's heel, i think as i stab him in the hip with my fingers, and he yelps, opening his eyes only to find the mouse catching the cat.

"and the wicked witch of fall wins!" i yell, jumping up and down, getting flour all over the hardwood floors.

"fine, this round goes to you. your reward? a magical kiss from your prince charming," he says, leaning in and halting my celebration.

"the prince kisses the witch? haven't heard this fairy-tale before," i mutter before he silences me by placing a soft but unhurried kiss on my lips. my hands automatically make their way around his neck, and i lean back slightly as his hands firmly hold my waist, providing protection and support even in a moment as miniscule as this. in the glow of the autumn sunset, painting our kitchen with a golden hue, with the man i love in front of me, everything is perfect. we break off, his forehead leaning on mine, neither of us moving away.

"this is our fairy-tale, with its own happy ending."

looking up, I'm met with his golden brown stare, the small specks of gold especially visible in this lighting, practically glowing. his white turtle neck hugging his form nicely, and his raven hair sprinkled with flour, i can't help but wonder if this is what we're going to be like in the future, when we've lived our lives, and grown old together; the only indication of our age being the salt and pepper hair, and the slightly more prominent lines around our eyes from spending a lifetime of smiling.

because that's how it would be, i think, to have tetsuro next to me for eternity, to smile and to laugh every day.

he has to kneel down considerably to reach my lips with his own, to rest his forehead on mine, but the look on his face and the emotion in his familiar, beautiful eyes reflect nothing but comfort and content, genuine even as he says stupid and cliché things. in a way, he’s promising me nothing but a life full of the music of our happiness.

"i love you, witch," he whispers, as if afraid to ruin the moment by speaking.

i kiss him again, before pulling out my secret weapon and dumping more flour over his head. "love you too, prince!" i screech as i run away. i hear his chuckles as he chases after me, muttering empty promises of revenge just as he did before, and every other time, and hopefully, if my luck holds out, every time after.

---

"okay, nod gonna lie, dis ith really goo-dh" i say, speaking with a mouth full of the pumpkin pie we finally got around to baking.

i watch him snap a photo of me, smiling through my full mouth, knowing full well i have pie all over my mouth and teeth.

“you’ve never looked better, babe,” he says, chuckling, before trying it himself, moaning through his full mouth, "oh mhy gohd." i roll my eyes as he continues, "baby, thth is fudding amathing," he says, taking another, and then another bite.

“slow it down, moron. you’re going to choke and the wicked witch is going to have to ruin her comfy position to give you the heimlich,” i say, my legs crossed on the carpeted floor with my feet nice and warm in my thick panda bear socks.

“how abouth we sthip straighd to the kith of life?” he asks, wiggling his eyebrows with a mouth full of pie.

"how about you shuffle the cards, prince? i'll pick a movie," i suggest, or rather order, raising my brows. he salutes sarcastically as he sets down his plate and goes to get our worn out deck of uno cards.

"i thought you were a witch, not a princess," he mutters once he swallows his pie.

"actually, i married the prince so that legally makes me a princess. c'mon tetsuro," i say, pressing play on a random comedy to play in the background.

with the fireplace going under the television, and our pumpkin spice and cinnamon candles lit, the room is cozy, warm and calm.

that is until tetsuro yells his profanities about me placing a 2+ on his 4+.

"THAT'S NOT ALLOWED! YOU CAN ONLY PLACE A 4+ ON TOP OF A 4+"

"since WHEN?! THIS WASN'T THE RULE LAST WEEK!" i scream back, refusing to back down. i am not picking up four cards. "i would never cheat. unlike YOU," i accuse, shoving another fork full of the pie into my mouth in defiance.

he dramatically gasps shoving a fork full of pie into his own mouth, and glares at me. i glare right back, both of us wordlessly agreeing that whoever loses the staring competition loses the uno argument. ignoring the burning in my eyes, i keep my expression neutral as i watch the tears building up in tetsuro's lashline, his right eye twitching and turning slightly red.

"YES!" i scream as he blinks, wiping his eyes and sighing dramatically before beginning to pick up six cards, unable to come up with an excuse.

i laugh mercilessly and we continue the game, which i ended up winning after he picked up another 12 cards, flashing me the 'please have mercy on me' eyes every time he reached for the deck.

"you really are a wicked little witch aren't you?" he mutters as he gets up. i snort in response, eating the last of my pie.

"i wanna another slice," he announces. "you want?" nodding eagerly, i give him my plate.

"i want a slice with a bat," i call out, referring to the misshapen shapes we cut out on the top layer of the pie.

when he came back, he halted at the door as he silently watches me set up face masks and mani-pedi equipment on the coffee table, the entire pie tray with two forks, instead of two slices, in his hands. i raised my eyebrows, and he mirrors my expression towards my makeshift salon on the floor of our living room.

we both shrug and he comes and sits next to me, picking up a face mask packet and reading the description.

"ooh! aloe vera!"

that's how we ended up watching shitty comedies all night with white face masks on and stomachs stuffed with pie.

---

laying in bed my head resting on tetsuro's shoulder and my hand rhythmically stroking his hair, i bask in the feeling of comfort and my mind being stress free. shielded from the cold night with a million blankets and the massive man sleeping next to me, with my especially cold, numb feet tucked under his thigh, i match my breathing with his easily as i follow after him into a deep slumber.

because that's what the season of autumn is about, really. taking it easy after the adventurous months that were spring and summer, to rewind and become a home-bug again as the weather cools down. and these moments with tetsuro?

these moments are what makes this my favourite time of year.

ahhh this was so, so fun!! special thanks to @/kal0psi-a for organising this entire collab <3

#2021 fall collab #collab event #collab #haikyu x reader #kuroo x reader #kuroo tetsuro x you #kuroo x gn!reader #kuroo comfort #kuroo tetsuro scenarios #kuroo tetsuro #fall 2021

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organic-guacamole · 3 years ago

Text

episode 210 here we go

awww seb doing the intro

congratulations to milky white and her baby chocolate milk😌

seb is so funny

but seriously, clean up that milk fast or else it will smell so bad in there....

was that Lauryn just randomly doing cartwheels? idk any theatre kids irl but that seems like it's a common thing...

is it just me or has ms Jenn been getting more harsh to Ricky and Seb mainly-

like what did they do to her

no because I actually snorted with laughter at the "you came back" WHAT IS THAT VOICE-

AND THE MASK OMG

yeah so my throat hurts now

I'm dying over here

KOURTNEY'S FACE

SAME GIRL SAME

Ricky's fake death got the whole place in tears /s

he looks like an asthmatic walrus

Seb's on piano, I love

we all know if he was the beast we'd all actually be crying✋

ok but I listen to Julia's version of home on Spotify when I want to cry-

right so gimme a second

is Ricky scratching his face.....while he's dying?

"belle i-" *flop*

round of applause to Ashlyn for trying to make Ricky's earthworm seizure look less.... yknow

Kourtney's just dying there

WAIT IS THAT NATALIE

did she really just disappear for 9 episodes just to come back and stare dramatically into the camera

WAIT SCRATCH THAT SHES HERE TO MURDER ASHLYN AND RICKY

oh so Ricky's wearing a gay shirt now too

so that's the real reason why Rini broke up, see y'all next season when Gini and caswen become canon /j

wait that was a long intro scene-

what was that look Carlos-

TALK TO MY BOY OR ELSE

carlos' run is so funny to me

therapist Ashlyn to the rescue

"that is...super" son you good?

ms Jenn call Benjamin, he would willingly put his loved ones on a rocket and blast them into Venus for you....

maybe

"I don't want you kids to be disappointed" girl you do realise you're the one that's most invested in this?

"a smooth opening night" wasn't there just 1 show though-

like their opening night was closing night too

"I think I was Troy at one point" PLEASE THATS THE MOST ACCURATE DESCRIPTION OF THE SEASON 1 FINALE

me Jenn looks like a serial killer during that clap and I'm lowkey scared for zacky

"I have notes"

oo if you're taking suggestions, lemme get my list

"mother is freaking out" uhhhhhh

right....'mother"

"is everyone sitting down?"

*looks around awkwardly*

*big red slowly sits*

"no..."

please seb was the only one sitting-

does that mean Carlos looked at Seb as soon as he walked in and assumed that everyone else was sitting too or am I a seblos clown🤡

"is this about the transformation"

WOW MAYBE OT IS RICKY

WOW HES A DETECTIVE FOR FIGURING THAT OUT SO QUICK🤩

YO WHY IS NATALIE HERE-

she just shows up when it's convenient? is she gonna be at the sleepover too?

Seb's heavy swallow after Carlos shouts at him makes me so sad

"I never learned how to lie but I figure if I keep my mouth closed, I can't tell the truth" *nods and smiles at Nini when she asks*

why are they casually standing up all over the pizza shop, just sit at a big table and talk instead of blocking passageways and blocking off at least 6 tables-

"how about I invite myself" WHY DO PEOPLE ALWAYS FEEL THE NEED TO INVITE THEMSELVES TO ASHLYN'S HOUSE-

YOU CAN ASK BUT JUST FORCE YOUR WAY IN?

so Cash Caswell has a bigger house than... Dennis Caswell.... who would've thought

ah yes there's the good old EJ 1.0

Nini: "boys vs girls"

Gina: *looks devastated and glances longingly at EJ*

way to be inconspicuous

"but north high should be" *cracks her knuckles in the most uncomfortable way*

good for Ashlyn for getting more confident though

oo bossy big red

"i get bossy around the power tools"

is that why Ashlyn was holding up the drill in episode 8 orrrr 🤠

Lily, leave him alone please

she's literally not blinking, is that what makes her creepy?

the diss at big red and his face afterwards is priceless

isn't that similar to what Gina's mom said to her in season 1? hmmmm

but seriously please don't try to redeem lily, let us have a character to hate, or to love because they're evil.

not everyone's a good guy.

"im not liked here and I don't know what to do"

let antoine finish his salad and it'll fix everything

"hug emoji" *gags*

y'all realize Lily's literally 14?

why is she calling a 16/17 year old from another school for personal advice-

"he gets weird around tools"

I shouldn't be laughing so hard

"deja vu maybe?" awkward silence

I'm dying here I love EJ so so so so much

"where's seb"

*cuts to seb being held hostage hoping that they'd notice he's missing and go look for him*

"don't ask"

"oh ok"

"100% real faux fur" as you should queen

sponsored by target

Kourtney is singlehandedly saving the entire show.

Seb making finger guns make me happier than it should

why is this kinda making me want to have a co-ed sleepover with my non-existent theatre friends

YES YOU DO NEED TO TALK/SING TO SEB CARLOS THANK YOU FOR KNOWING THAT

wait what-

you haven't talked to him all WEEK-

Carlos are you stupid /hj

Benjamin is so adorable I can't

he turned around to come back for her instead of going home. you're "what do you want Jenn🙄X act isn't fooling anyone Benjamin 🙃

10101

1+4+16= 21st?

they placed 21st?

or do I just not remember how to convert to base ten

GIRL DON'T BE RUDE TO HIM, HE'S GONNA SAVE YALL

no ms Jenn, the kids are not eccentric 35 year olds.

aww sebby

is he thinking that Carlos is only with him cuz he's the only other openly gay guy at school-

son you are a perfect little bean don't put yourself down

yes they all ship portwell as they should.

they'll be throwing risotto at the wedding.

not the chocolates. stop there are no chocolates. please stop I'm dying.

Gina you don't have to explain yourself to her

it was a misunderstanding and it's in the past

why is Ashlyn still laughing-

exactly it wasn't a big deal please just move on Nini

Kourtney really be out here saving everything

WHY IS ASHLYN STILL LAUGHING

why do I feel like when Gina finally told Ash about it, she didn't think it was that funny but wanted to feel included in the inside joke so now she brings it up randomly to show that she's in on it....I totally don't do that...

"idk, the farmer type" oh son...

Ashlyn and big red are just spilling the secrets back and forth huh?

OOO EJ AND GINA SITTING IN A TREE K-I-S-S-I-

cmon guys don't look at me like that-

"she is the best" and "we're buddies" don't sound right together

"pretty boy" "sweet boy" best ways to describe EJ

I love him.

and aw he's scared of rejection so he'll hold back just to keep her happy and not awkward how sweet

is Ricky wondering if letting her go(literally his song from last episode) was the best thing he did for Nini because he doesn't feel like it now? hmmm this is getting good

why is everyone so invested in Kourtney and Howie's relationship

PACK UP THE LAZY RICKY THING

oh yes Benji, that's exactly what she's doing

she couldn't follow her dream or whatever so now she's using the kids to gain some of the success she craves. why else would she have that massive hsm poster with her name on it in huge letters in her office.

just casually grab his hand with both your hands and stare at him creepily 🥰

ship jennzzara y'all

the first bump was a missed opportunity to do the baymax "falalala" as a reference to the fact that they watched big hero six while committing arson✋

wait so big red and EJ just left Ricky in the basement and now Ricky invited Carlos when they're supposed to be at the stage?

help no Ricky looks like he's about to tell Carlos he likes him (I know it's about writing the song for seb but still, look at his body language and tell me it doesn't look like that)

Ricky is so mature about this, he really just wants Nini to be happy even though he's hurting-

baby you deserve love, maybe Nini isn't the one for you but don't say you don't deserve it

why does he keep adding bro to the end like he doesn't know how to address Carlos

PLEASE CARLOS HAVING TO ADDRESS THE BRO THING

"let's write a song when we have like 45 minutes to get to the place and help our friends possibly win $50000 at the show in 2 weeks"

"can you hit a high C?"

"that's like the bottom of my range"

why am I laughing

this is so cool to see friendship interactions that we don't normally get to see

Nini why are you being like this-

Gina did nothing wrong??

I saw that, EJ and Gina being the only ones going in the same direction👀

right so obviously Kourtney's waiting until after the menkies to get back with Howie just in case he really is just using her as a way in to east high... obviously... right?

CARLOS

OK ITS COMING GET READY YALL

Why is portwell so awkward all of a sudden

OMG EJ

OMG GINA SAY YES or not, do what you want.

the way she doubts that EJ would genuinely ask so she has to make sure it's not Ashlyn behind it

THE "NOT THAT I KNOW OF"

LIKE WHAT GINA SAID TO JACK ABOUT EJ BEING HER BOYFRIEND

GUYS THEY'RE SOULMATES

I want risotto now please

THEY'RE SO SWEET AND ADORABLY AWKWARD ITS LIKEEK LITTLE KIDS

OOOOOOO what is this place that seblos is in, looks fancy....and secluded

oh wait no Ricky's just standing there

wait is it the bomb shelter

it looks so good what

HSKAGSJAGAJAGWISGSKAUASBWKSVAIWBAISBQKSHIQBWOABWOABDOQBZIQBAIAQBSIWBQISVQKSIANSGOQBSAISBKASBKWBAIABQOSBBSJAHAJAVAJSBAJHSKAHSJAHAJAJAAJAHHHHHHHH

@youranxiousnerd ARE YOU OK?

CUZ IM NOT OK

LOOK AT SEBBY'S FACE

LOOK AT HOW ADORABLE IT IS

THE LYRICS ARE KILLING ME

SEBLOS IS KILLING ME

I AM DEAD

PLEASE SEND HELP

I like to imagine that Frankie and Joe practiced this in their apartment and just had a blast with it.

or maybe that Frankie practiced in secret like what Joe did for the climb

OH THE SUITS

THATS WHERE THAT CLIP IN THE PROMO WAS FROM

AWWW SEBBY'S SO CUTE

HE'S A LITTLE MARSHMALLOW

they're still so awkward with the dance I cant

let's appreciate Frankie's voice though

this episode really was made just for the seblos and portwell stans and you gotta love it

BIG RED GET OUT

WHY DOES HE ALWAYS DO THIS

Seb's little "yeah" IS ADORABLE

you can't tell me that wouldn't have been the best time for them to say I love you....IF FREAKIN BIG RED WASN'T THERE

ok but wait Ricky needs more hugs like that, look at his face

the boy needs love

"bro" please don't let Ricky and Carlos go back to not talking because their friendship is amazing

EJ laughing at Ricky sounding like a cat coughing up a furball is so funny to me

RICKY'S FLOP GETS ME EVERYTIME

I knew it was too good to be true

ok so Ricky's dead, next in line please

this episode was so short but I love it so much. this is what I signed up for for season 2✋

#hsmtmts #hsmtmts s2 #hsmtmts season 2 #ej caswell #ricky bowen #gina porter #hsmtmts spoilers #seblos #seb mathew smith #carlos rodriguez #big red #ashlyn caswell #kourtney greene #lily hsmtmts #ms jenn #mr mazzara #natalie bagley #guac's episode text blocks :)

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thegeminisage · 4 years ago

Note

top 5 moments in broken road?

i literally waited until now to answer these ask meme questions so i could do this w/o spoilers. anyway time to do an ask meme i got questions for THREE ENTIRE WEEKS ago

#5 - "my girl" john/mary reunion

Mary rushes forward into John's waiting arms. He gathers her up and holds her close, pressing kiss after kiss into her hair, tears running down his face. "My girl," he says, in aching disbelief, drawing back to cup her face in his hands. "My girl." She laughs through her own tears, and when he smooths one gun-calloused thumb under her eye she turns her face into his hand, and then he draws her close and kisses her, like they're the only two people left in the whole wide world.

look. am i valid? no. but they compel me. to them their story is just as real and longlasting as dean/cas is to us. so i added a little gutpunch to that reunion because it’s my fic and i get to do what i want >:) actually, even though i made a point of calling john “dad” and mary “mom” in dean’s pov, in this moment, i deliberately used their names - it’s more than just mom and dad, it’s theee john and mary winchester back together after all these years. no, they don’t stay that way, but after a 22-year quest in her name, it still deserves to be like a Reunion.

(other four are below the cut to spare ur dashes. there are major spoilers for the whole fic, just warning u)

#4 - john getting punched by [SPOILER]

Dean's shoves his father with all his might, yelling, "Let go of me!" Partially because even though just moments ago the dungeon was exactly where he wanted to be, he absolutely doesn't want Dad to be the one to put him there, partially because he's afraid that Michael is about to break free from that cage in his head and vaporize everybody in firing range, and partially because he's afraid that if Dad doesn't let go, Cas will kill him.

But Dean's only got one hand free, and Dad's grip is too strong. Michael and sleep deprivation have made Dean weak; he can't get away from Dad on his own.

Then, when Cas is still just out of arm's reach, Sam lays into Dad with the fiercest right hook Dean's ever seen.

Dean knows that right hook well. That's one of the first moves Dad taught him, one Dad forced him to practice a thousand miserable times—how to stand, when to turn, where to throw his weight—until he honed it to absolute unthinking perfection. And it is perfect: Sam nails Dad right on the jaw with all six feet and change of muscle, sending him staggering back, his grip on Dean slipping free.

Dad slumps against the wall for a moment like he's literally seeing stars, like it's all he can do not to pass out. His nose looks like it might be broken. Dean rounds on his brother; if he was expecting Dean to thank him for that, he's going to be disappointed. "What the hell, Sam?"

But Sam's looking at Dad, not at Dean. "He said," Sam pants, "to let go of him."

i’m normally very anti-punching john, but i feel like if anybody has the right to do it, it’s sam. he’s spent his whole life being protected from john by dean and he finally gets to return the favor! all his problems are solved because he’s literally the bigger man now in every way! i doubt sam would ever punch john on his own behalf, but it is UTTERLY in character for him to do it in defense of someone else, but i bet it was pretty fucking cathartic too. picking sam moments in this fic is like picking children but this...you know, it wasn’t even in my outline. it happened organically as i wrote. and it just. feels right.

#3 - sam telling john to clean up his mess

"Seriously, Dad—we've had enough of your lip service. You're sorry? You want to help? Clean up your mess."

What? John frowns. Does he mean Dean?

But, no—Sam twists and picks up an actual mop and bucket from the corner behind him. The bucket is full of red-tinted water. "Go in the kitchen," he says, "and if Dean says you can use the sink, run some clean water with bleach. We gotta get the blood off the floor, because the longer it stays there, the worse it'll stain—especially on the hardwood."

"Uh," says John.

Then Sam gives him a severe, no-nonsense look that nearly punches the breath from John's lungs—because for the very first time, he sees his Mary in that stubbornly unimpressed face. "Do you understand? This isn't a motel. You can't expect someone else to do it for you. Don't go in the kitchen," Sam says slowly, enunciating every word, "unless you're going. To clean up. Your mess. You want room service—there's the fucking door."

THERE’S THE FUCKING DOOR. i love this bc firstly i believe in man of the house sam and secondly it falls into the same thing of like...sam is finally big and strong enough to protect dean and by god he will make himself an impassable 6′4 between this man and his brother. i think especially since finding out about flagstaff, DOUBLY since becoming a parent, sam is like...so less than impressed with john’s bullshit, and even more impatient than he already was of john’s stupid excuses.

there’s also this motif of cleaning throughout the fic - in john and sam’s very first scene alone together, they are washing dishes. at first this was a nod to sam and dean doing it in lebanon - dean washing, sam drying - but washing is the “hard” part of doing the dishes; when my mom taught me how to do them i began learning by drying first. so of course dean has been washing and letting sam dry all their lives - almost literally, because john talks pretty early on about dean being a neat freak too, because john simply wouldn’t pick up after himself but still hated the mess. there’s a few mentions of it in the fic, how john liked being able to leave a mess behind in their motel rooms, how he’d prop his feet on the table - but in season 10, it’s sam on his knees scrubbing the bloodstained floors after dean’s murder spree, and in broken road sam makes john wash the dishes, and at the end, sam makes him mop. @maulthots put it best:

like that’s it. that's literally it. and then, finally, john offers to clean up on his own without being asked. that’s Growth™, at least in whatever way he’s capable of it. at any rate, he’s too afraid of getting hit again to NOT clean up after himself lol

#2 - dean/cas car scene [content warning for nsfw and discussion of past sexual violence - scroll down to #1 if you’d like to skip it!]

Cas lets go of Dean, but it's to reposition his hands on Dean's knees, slide those huge palms up Dean's thighs. Dean feels the heat of them bleeding through his jeans. Then, holy shit, Cas rests his thumbs on Dean's belt buckle, and makes eye contact.

Dean wets his lips, a little uncertain. He has no idea what Cas is going to do. "Yeah, okay," he croaks.

Cas leans in and kisses him again while he undoes Dean's belt. Like—fuck, like he knew Dean wouldn't want to watch. Dean hears the zipper on his fly, and all at once it clocks that, yeah, okay, this is really happening. Heart thudding in his ears, Dean reflexively lifts his hips so Cas can pull his jeans off. But Cas only slides them down a little. Then he reaches into Dean's boxers and gets a hand around his dick.

Oh. A small, quiet noise drops out of Dean into Cas's mouth, and he turns out of the kiss, panting as Cas pulls him out of his clothes. He's not sure what he was expecting, but this is okay. Just a handjob—he can handle that. It's good, actually. A little dry, but Cas has a light touch, and Dean has decided that he likes Cas's hands. He knows the shape of them very well.

i really enjoyed writing this whole scene, but this was my favorite part. cas technically does get dean’s consent, which was important to cas and a little bit of a big deal for dean too, but dean didn’t ask what cas was going to do before giving that consent, because he almost...doesn’t care? like, dean’s previous experiences with men were all lousy at best, and violent and traumatizing at worst, and arguably none of them were 100% consensual. so part of him is figuring that whatever happens will be within that spectrum, and he’ll just deal with it being awful no matter what it is because he almost literally can’t picture it not being awful. he's not doing it because he likes fucking men or expects he’ll like fucking cas, he’s doing because he wants to be close to cas, he wants to be away from michael and his dad, and because if he and cas are together now that’s part of the package and he’s just done the full “for keeps” commitment bit, so he’s not gonna pussy out now, right? he trusts cas not to actually harm him, and be closer to “lousy” than “violent,” but he is, in his mind, basically giving cas consent to hurt him, because to him that’s what sex with men IS. and he’s understandably pretty nervous because he doesn’t know what’s going to happen - all he’s sure of is that he won’t like it.

but then he does like it! he likes it a lot! trusting cas turns out to be the correct choice! because if cas had turned him down in that moment, trying to baby him or second guess him, i think dean would have felt really hurt and angry and embarrassed, he would have felt like he was broken or untouchable. which is why cas took him at his word, but ALSO did pretty much the most tame thing you can do and still count it as having sex. so cas managed to thread the needle perfectly because he knows dean so well and he’s literally been inside his mind and witnessed that trauma and knew everything to avoid doing. so for dean it wound up being TRULY consensual instead of the sort of fake consent he’s used to handing out to johns. if that makes any sense. idk i just really enjoyed doing it. i think a valid reading is that dean has this physical fear of men that is just...not explored very much in fic. and it was nice to write something where cas was sort of able to undo or heal a little of that damage.

#1 - michael

No, no, no—we can't die—we can't die, we are eternal, we are our Father's most beloved, His favorite son—

No no no no no no no no no—I can't die—I can't die—

Light fills the room, reflecting in Dean's eyes making them look as though they glow. And for the very first time, John sees him. John sees him, John sees him, John sees him—

Where is my Father? Is He watching? Can He see me?

Father, help me, I beg You—please, I don't want to die—

I don't want to die—

i could honestly paste the entire michael scene here, there’s not a thing about it i don’t love, but this was probably my favorite part. and look, i waited NINE YEARS to see michael!dean, i deserved to go apeshit!!! i think the fun thing about michael is that he’s a great foil to both john and dean, the literal connecting tissue, especially when he’s hopping bodies like that. he’s dean’s aggressor but he’s also dean’s twisted reflection, nearly broken by his father’s absence. it was impossible for john to see dean as he really is until michael let him see it through dean’s own eyes.

and then “i” at the end - i knew going in that i wanted a “we” pronoun (though i almost chickened out of it), because michael’s in charge but he’s also making his vessel do things with him, like laugh or scream or hurt people. but when michael dies, he’s alone figuratively and literally, because john’s not dying with him, and his own father has forsaken him too - and that’s the way dean so often felt, and FEELING that was probably the only thing that could possibly give john the motivation to be even slightly less self-centered and shitty.

michael was my whole reason for writing this fic - because i was livid they didn’t use him to tie dean and john together in canon, because the burden of being his vessel is just one more thing dean had to take...this whole chapter, this whole fic, hinged entirety on the batshit insane dynamic between michael and dean and john. and like there are parts of this fic i was insecure about and wished i could have done better, but this? i think i nailed it. definitely the part i had the most fun writing.

but like, honorable mention?

"Dude," Dean says, flipping on his blinker so he can pull up beside the local grocery, "can we not do any touchy-feely shit, please? That's—"

"Gay?" Sam suggests.

"Get out of my car."

>:)

#liz answers asks #deanwinchestergender #broken road #br meta #supernatural #spn for ts #ASK MEMES #technically

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the-angriestpineapple · 4 years ago

Text

Love and War (Miruko x Fem Reader)

Rating: Explicit

Characters: Usagiyama Rumi / Miruko

Inspiration: My SECOND piece for the Citrus Dome Discord server’s Gods AU collab. It’s a bonus! Written mostly for my partner and Peach, because they love her. Masterlist is here.

Prompt: Worship has always been a part of your daily routine. Each season you place the fruits of your labor at the altar. Every day you pray. It’s human nature, seeking answers from the Gods.

But you never expected one to answer…

Word Count: ~4.6k

You yell out a war cry as your sword falls, the metal making a harsh clang against the shield of your opponent. You’re in the middle of a war, and fighting for your life. Most of your fellow warriors have been killed and there is a scant few still remaining on the field. The enemy forces have been whittled down as well, but there’s definitely more of them than are of you. These were forces of a man who was trying to take over any country he could, and you were defending the smaller villages in the area since they couldn’t defend themselves. You had prayed to your goddess that morning, a goddess of strategy and war, and all you could do was hope that she would not allow you to fail. You hear a cry of pain to your left, a voice that you know. It’s one of your friends, a man you’ve known since childhood, and you make the mistake of looking toward the source. You see your friend fall, but then feel a searing pain in your side as well. The momentary lapse of concentration may have just cost you your life. You see the man you’d been fighting run off toward another of your comrades as you sink to the ground. Your vision goes black at the rims and you feel your sword fall from your hand before your eyes shut and you hit the ground hard. Your mouth makes one word as you lose consciousness.

Miruko.

You feel yourself coming to consciousness, your mind flashing through your death. You’re in Tartarus, you’re on the beach, waiting to take the ferry to the underworld. You’re dead. Your goddess didn’t hear you. With a heavy heart you open your eyes, thinking about how many of your friends you would be making the journey with, only to find yourself in your temple of worship. You stare up at the statue of Miruko feeling absolutely dumbfounded. How did you get here? How did you survive? “Good, you’re awake!” The unfamiliar tone draws your attention, and you look up to see an absolutely gorgeous woman walking toward you. Your eyes widen as you look her over. Dusky skin. Flowing white hair with two silken ponytails atop her head. Strong arms and thighs revealed by the cut of her tunic. Cocky smile on her face. You were staring at your goddess, at the patron of this temple. You were staring at Miruko. She grins wider at your expression and lets out a sharp bark of a laugh. “You’re confused, I can tell. That’s fair. I can explain. First, no, you aren’t dead. You were supposed to be, but I can’t let my favored devotee die just yet. You will eventually, obviously, being mortal and all. But the underworld can’t have you yet.” She shrugs, reaching for a peach on the offering table under her statue and taking a large bite out of it. She says it so casually, as if she doesn’t care what the god of the underworld thinks. That she just does what she wants. “I’m… not dead? But what of the battle? What happened to the villages? What-” You cut off, wincing in pain as you try to sit up. Your side suddenly felt as though it was on fire. Miruko quirks a brow, placing the half-eaten peach on the table and walking over to you. She tips your face up to hers with fingers that you feel could easily snap bones and gives an almost feral smile. “The villages are safe. None can hope to stand against me on the field of battle.” There’s a wild edge to her tone that chills you to the core and you nod. Like you would disagree with her, especially to her face. Especially with that wildness in her eyes.

“T-thank you.” She stares at you with that feral grin for a few moments longer before it falls into a softer smile. “It felt right to step in. And besides,” She drops your chin, rolling her shoulders. “It’s been ages since I had a good fight.”

She’s as terrifying as she is alluring, that’s for sure. You look down, wanting to avoid her piercing gaze, and realize that you’re wearing nothing but a bandage around your chest. Your eyes widen and you pull the blanket up to try and protect at least a little bit of modesty. This apparently strikes Miruko as amusing, since she starts laughing. Your face colors in embarrassment as she wipes at her eyes. “Come now, it’s nothing I haven’t seen before.” She gestures to her own very filled out feminine form. She isn’t wrong, but it doesn’t make you any less self conscious. She smirks a little and looks back to the fruit bowl, plucking out a few figs. It’s a good thing you offer her fruit, she seems to like it. But then she brings the figs over to you, and holds them out. Wanting you to take them. “I can’t have those,” you gasp immediately. “They’re for-” You cut off, and Miruko raises a brow and smirks. They’re for her. And she can distribute her offering as she sees fit, right? Gods, if the High Priestess could see you right now she would have a stroke. Your shaky hand rises and your fingertips brush her palm as you take the figs from her hand. “There you go. Good girl. You need to eat to get better. I’m not exactly a healer, after all.” She turns from you to retrieve her peach and you’re relieved she didn’t see the shudder that went through you at the praise. This was so strange. Most of your life you prayed to this goddess. You joined her order when you were scarcely out of childhood. You trained to be a warrior, vowed to protect those who needed you, just like she does. And just as you thought she had turned from you, here you were. In her presence. With her feeding you her offering fruit. “Why…?”

Miruko quirks a brow as she looks back at you, peach halfway to her mouth. “Why? Well, I can’t be the goddess of everything. I may have called in a favor with Hawks to make sure you weren’t gonna die on me anyway, despite my interference.” Hawks, the god of healing. Also medicine, archery, music, and poetry. The goddess leans on the table and brings the peach to her mouth, but pauses. “Ya know, Hawks is a bit of an overachiever now that I think about it.” She takes her bite and chews thoughtfully, looking up at her own statue.

“No, that’s not what I meant.” Her eyes dart back to you, and you flinch. You never realized that her eyes were red. All the depictions you’ve seen of her have been in stone, and it makes her even more intimidating. “I meant, um, why save me?”

Miruko stares at you and takes another bite of her peach, not blinking as she chews. It’s a few agonizing moments of silence, but then she gives a half smile. “Because I wanted to. Haven’t you ever been taught not to question the gods?” Your eyes widen, thinking you just offended her, but she chuckles. “I’m kidding, calm down. You’re gonna need to relax if I’m gonna be here making sure you heal. Now, eat those figs and get some rest. Hawks said you’re gonna sleep a lot at first.” You look back down at the fruit in your hands and slowly lift one to your mouth. Of course the goddess was given the best of the crop, so the figs were almost unbearably sweet. You eat all three, and she gives one approving nod before pushing off the table. “Good, now sleep.” You weren’t sure if you could, with your literal patron goddess in front of you. But once you slowly laid back down and closed your eyes sleep easily claimed you.

------------------------------

When you woke again you felt much more rested, and this time when you cautiously sat up there was no stabbing pain. You feel your side and find that it doesn’t hurt at all, which surprises you. You’d been dealt a mortal blow, surely it couldn’t just be gone. But it seemed to be. Along with your bandages, apparently. You were now wearing a simple tunic instead. You glance around the room looking for a sign of Miruko, but you don’t see her. Maybe she was gone. Maybe she saved you at that was all she wanted. You slowly slide from the bed, wanting to look around but not wanting to injure yourself in case you aren’t as healed as you seem to be. You seem to be okay though, and you feel confident enough to look around. This room is the main offering room in the temple, with the huge statue of Miruko dominating the center. Gone are the fruit offerings from the table, and in their place looks to be something covered by a linen cloth. Curiosity gets the best of you. You walk over to the cloth and slowly pull it away. Under it is a small loaf of bread, olives, more figs, and a bowl of soup. Along with the food is a note.

ΦΑΕ αυτο. Eat this.

You know it’s been left for you, and it smells amazing. You don’t waste time picking up the bowl and drinking a third of it down. You can practically feel your energy going up with each swallow. The bowl goes back to the altar, and you grab the bread next. You suddenly feel ravenous, like you haven’t eaten for days. You rip hunks off the bread and swipe it through the broth of the soup. It tastes fresh baked, and the grain compliments the spices of the soup perfectly. You aren’t quite back to normal yet but you feel like you’re getting there. You’re sharp enough to hear footprints coming up behind you though. You turn, not entirely sure who you’re going to see. The High Priestess? Maybe Miruko came back? You definitely don’t expect to see a man with messy blonde hair approaching you, and your body is shifting into a defensive position without even thinking about it. He holds his hands out, eyes widening. “Whoa whoa whoa, little warrior, I come in peace. I’m just here to check on you. You’ve been sleeping for a while.” You don’t shift out of your pose, eyes narrowing. The man drops his hands and smirks. “Miruko always has the most suspicious followers. Fine.” Large red wings unfurl from his back, and he presses off the stone with his foot. He rises in the air and hovers a foot or so off the ground. Only now do you rise from your pose, eyes widening. “That’s more like it. Hawks, god of medicine, archery, music, poetry, and luckily for you and Miruko… healing.” He sweeps into a bow in midair, and you can’t help but smile a little. He’s pretty charming, though you would imagine that a god of music and poetry would be. He sinks gracefully back down to the ground and folds his wings back. “Ah, a smile! That’s better. So, songbird, I see you’ve eaten. Good. You’ve been asleep for nearly two days straight.” He shuffles closer to you and leans forward, getting very in your space. You can’t help but pull back, which makes him grin. “Your skin is a better color. Less pale. Eyes are responsive.” He holds a hand out and presses it to your forehead before you can move. “No fever, so I doubt there’s an infection. There’s just one problem left.” His face falls, seriousness taking it over. A problem? You bite your lip, wondering what was wrong, but then Hawks breaks out into a grin again. “A cutie like you is stuck in this temple with Miruko.” “You want your wings tied together, you overgrown pigeon?”

You both jump as the goddess strides into view, that feral grin back on her face. Hawks straightens and flings his arms wide as she approaches. “Miruko! There’s my favorite war goddess. I was just checking on your disciple here. Seems fit as a fiddle. Of course, I treated her, so obviously she would be.” He preens a little, pleased with himself. Miruko rolls her eyes and shoves him.

“Yeah yeah. You’re miraculous. Now if she’s no longer about to head to Shouta, please vacate my temple before I physically kick you out of it.” There’s a tone to her voice that sends a shiver down your spine, but Hawks just looks gleeful. “Of course. Just let me know if you need my services for anything else-ow! Fine, I’m going!” He’s scowling and rubbing his arm where Miruko punched him. He gets the last laugh in though, turning and snatching your hand up to kiss it before disappearing in a cloud of feathers and laughter as the war goddess swings again. “I’ll get that mouthy feather duster when I get back to Olympus,” she grumbles, then turns to you. “Are you alright?” She steps in closer, red eyes glancing over your form. You nod, unaware of the fact that you’re holding your breath at how close she is. “Good. Now that you can move well enough, finish eating. Then we’re going to spar.” She turns and walks away from you as your eyes widen. You were going to spar with the goddess of war and strategy. That didn’t sound like something you’d be able to easily win. But at the same time, the challenge was enticing. And you would get to see her in action. But first, the rest of the food.

You turn back to the altar, picking up a few olives to pop into your mouth. You don’t want to rush eating because you know that if you do that, it’ll make you feel sick. But… you’re pretty excited to be sparring your goddess. You tear off another hunk of bread to dunk into the soup, and just as you shove it into your mouth you hear Miruko behind you. “Here. Water.” She hands you a cup, and you gratefully accept it with a murmured ‘thank you’. You’re very thirsty, and the water in the cup tastes pure and clean. You greedily drink all of it down, and when you come back up Miruko is giving you a half smirk. “I’ll get you more.” She plucks the cup from your hands, her fingertips brushing yours as she takes it and turns away. You blush slightly at the subtle touches, not entirely sure why.

You choose to not dwell on that uncertainty though. If you’re going to spar Miruko and hope to hold your own against her you need to be focused on that. So you spend the remainder of your meal with your eyes closed, taking deep, controlled breaths. Eating slowly. Balancing, preparing yourself for a battle. Normally you would also be praying to Miruko, but that didn’t seem like an appropriate thing to do if you were about to fight her.

Once you’re calm enough and feel as centered as possible, you open your eyes. Miruko had replaced the cup at some point and you grab it. This time you sip, looking around you at the temple. The bed you’d been on was shoved to the far side of the room against the wall, and Miruko was standing in the empty space. Waiting for you.

It was time to try your luck against your deity.

You place the cup back on the altar and step over to her, sliding down in the defensive position you had taken when Hawks arrived. Her neutral face curls back up into that feral grin that you’re now accustomed to and she slips down as well, hands arching into claws. Arms and legs spread wide. It’s intimidating, but you refuse to show it.

“I’ve watched you for a long time, I’m looking forward to this.” Her grin widens and she’s moving, pushing off on her foot to launch herself at you. She’s too fast for you to be able to avoid her and you shift so she doesn’t hit you head on. You grab her side as she slams into you and pull, trying to make her be off balance. Miruko just gives a manic cackle and manages to land and put all her weight on one foot and tangle the other leg between yours. She crooks her leg quickly to trap you, your eyes widening at the pressure of the single leg lock she put you in.

Holy fuck, she’s powerful.

Obviously she’s powerful, but there’s something completely different about seeing the latent muscles in her form and fighting her. Gods, she must be breathtaking on the battlefield. You’re almost sad that you were unconscious when she took down your enemy. But now wasn’t the time to swoon, you were in the middle of a fight. You had to get out of the lock.

You twist yourself, able to wrench your leg out from hers. Though you have an inkling that she let you do that. The wildness in her eyes is back, pupils dilated to the point where there’s barely a red ring. Miruko lets out another laugh as you launch yourself at her. It’s like a dance, this fight. She’s allowing you to feel her out as an opponent since she knows exactly how you fight. You have a solid lock around her waist but she grabs yours in return and flips you up, the back of your thighs landing on her shoulders. She grins wider up at you from between your legs and your heart skips a beat, but then she throws you off of her. You land hard and roll but pop right back up, a little shaken.

You’re circling each other again, and now it’s her turn to charge you. You’re more ready this time though, and you shift and grab her arm. You pivot, your hip checking into her and you’re able to throw her over your shoulder. Her face fades to surprise for a second and then she’s behind you. You’re too slow to turn, and her foot strikes out in a wide arc. Miruko easily sweeps your feet out from under you and you land on your back, the breath knocked out of your lungs. Then her face fills your vision, she grabs your wrists and slams them above your head. You can feel her strong legs pinning your lower half. You’re both breathing heavily from the exertion of the fight. She increases the pressure on your wrists and your breath hitches. She pauses, her red eyes studying your face, and then she leans in and crashes her lips to yours.

Your mind shuts down for a second before you’re kissing her back. That’s what the feelings were when she brushed your skin. You were attracted to her, and obviously she was to you as well. She saved you, plucked you right out of your descent to the underworld. You couldn’t move even if you wanted to, you were entirely at Miruko’s mercy. And gods… this was exactly where you wanted to be.

The goddess finally lets up on your wrists in favor of cupping your face, which allows your hands to come down and rest on her hips. She’s solid muscle, you could tell that when she was fighting you but now that your hands were sliding over her form it was like caressing smooth, warm marble. Unyielding. Unstoppable. A small groan escapes your lips to be lost in her mouth, and she increases the pressure of her kiss.

She pulls back with no warning, a smirk on her face. “I’ve won,” she says with a smug note in her voice. “Are you ready for my reward?” If it’s anything like that kiss she just claimed, then you definitely were. She rolls her body to gracefully rise from the floor once you agree. You start to rise, getting ready to stand as well. Just as you gain your feet you find them swept out from under you again. You hit the floor hard, but then you freeze when you feel a foot on your neck.

“I didn’t say you could get up,” Miruko practically purrs. “Now, I’ll ask again. Are you ready?” “Yes,” you breathe, looking up at her with wide eyes and parted lips. You wanted anything she would let you do. With her foot still on your neck she peels her thigh slit tunic dress off of her body and drops it to the side. She’s nothing short of magnificent, and you forget to breathe for a few moments while you’re staring at her.

She smirks at you and removes her foot from your neck. Then she pivots, her muscular back toward you before gracefully stepping over you to straddle your chest. You watch as she lowers herself, and as she moves closer she reveals the beautiful pink of her sex, already glistening. Miruko settles herself hovering just over your face and braces her hands on her thighs. She looks back at you, smug smile still tugging at her lips. “Well?” You don’t need to be told twice. You wrap your hands over her solid thighs and pull her down to your face, immediately licking with a flat, wide tongue. She inhales sharply at the contact. You let your tongue drag down to circle her clit, which earns a soft gasp from Miruko. She tastes sweet, and the way she gasps when your tongue drags up and down her slit is intoxicating. But the noise she makes when you wrap your lips around her clit drives a spike of heat right to your core. “You’re so talented with that tongue. What a good girl,” Miruko get out between her pants, “I think you deserve a reward.” Your fingers dig into her thighs as you realize what she means when she slides your tunic up your thighs. You watch the muscles in her back flex as she leans forward, strong arms pushing your thighs apart. Your body is coils tightly in anticipation as she starts kissing along your thighs and up to the apex, but then kisses back down. She’s teasing you. It’s making it all the more exciting, but you need the relief. You wrap your lips around her clit again to suck in an attempt to get her to give you more. And you get what you want. She groans, her hips rolling, and circles her tongue around your clit as well. Miruko dips down, her tongue tracing your entrance, and she groans. “Mm, you taste so sweet. Even better than that peach you gave me as an offering. Maybe that’ll be what I call you,” her voice has a hint of amusement to it, but it makes you visibly squirm. She notices. “You like that? My peach?” Miruko leans back in, her tongue slowly dragging up and down your clit. You make a noise that you hope is taken as an affirmative because you can’t bring yourself to pull your mouth from her sex. Her hips are rolling down into your mouth and yours up into hers, stifled moans the only sound echoing in the room. But your voice kicks up an octave as you feel her fingers rub at your entrance and slip inside you. She chuckles at your reaction as she crooks her fingers up, easily finding the spongy spot that makes your eyes roll back in your head. It makes you work her over more vigorously and her smugness over the reaction she pulled from you melts away. Her choked moans get louder and louder, encouraging you to go at her harder. Pull her thighs harder. It’s getting more difficult to breathe, but it’s so worth it when she finally tenses as she hits her orgasm. You keep licking as she comes down from her high, but whine when her fingers slip out of you and she rises. You hadn’t had your own orgasm but you weren’t about to complain to her about it. Just as you’re about to rise to your feet Miruko surprises you by reaching down and pulling you up as if you weigh nothing. She’s yanking you into her body and crashing her mouth to yours in a heated kiss. Miruko only breaks the kiss when she quickly pulls your tunic from your body and throws it off to the side. “You’re delicious all over, it seems,” she murmurs into your kiss-swollen lips. You have no opportunity to answer, her hands seizing your waist. She lifts you off the ground and easily walks you to the smooth stone wall, lifting you high enough that your thighs can rest on her shoulders. Her arms lock your thighs in place to keep you there. Your eyes are wide at the show of strength, and you are very aware that her face is now at a perfect height for her to devour you. And she does. Her red eyes lock with yours for a moment before she is diving back in. Your head falls back at her skilled mouth, hips almost immediately rolling into her. You’re surprised as you feel one of the hands holding you up vanish from your thigh and easily slides into your wet heat again. Miruko’s fingers immediately curl up and press into the spot that makes you cry out. You can’t help it as your hands grasp for something to hold on to. Fists wrapped around her twin ponytails, allowing you to anchor youself. “Look at me,” she rasps out, and it takes all of your remaining senses to comprehend and comply. “Cum for me, Peach.” Then she flicks her tongue on your clit before sucking it into your mouth as she presses up with her fingers again. And the tight thread in you snaps, and you completely fall apart around her. Miruko keeps licking and crooking her fingers as you ride through your climax, red eyes still trained on your face as you try desperately to catch your breath. Without you really noticing your thighs are slipped from her shoulders and you’re gently lowered to the floor. She catches her lips with yours again but this time the kiss is soft, tender, and she pulls you into an embrace that has your head tucked under her chin.

Miruko doesn’t move for a moment, and you wonder if she feels as bone-tired as you do. But then she’s once again sweeping you up in her arms as if you weigh nothing. You marvel over her strength for what feels like the hundredth time as she brings you over to the bed you’d healed in. Only this time when she places you in the bed, she crawls right in after you. You lie there, both naked and turned toward each other with the blanket pulled up just enough to cover both of your forms. She’s gently running fingertips up and down your side, and now you can fully understand why she broke rules to save you.

“Ah, now I understand why you’re a disciple of this temple!”

Both of you jump, and Miruko’s eyes narrow to slits as she looks at a grinning Hawks floating in front of her statue. “Way to go Miruko.” He winks at her, then looks at you with a wide grin. “Songbird, how is she? I bet she’s bossy-” He cuts off with a yelp as a nude Miruko flings herself from the bed to attack him. Hawks immediately vanishes, disappearing again in a cloud of feathers. Miruko stops short, then snaps her fingers and her tunic dress flows down her form like water.

“I’ll be right back,” she says with steel in her voice, “I have a chicken to fry.” She vanishes too, and you lean back into the bed with an incredulous laugh. Who would have thought this would be the outcome of becoming a disciple of the goddess of war.

#Usagiyama Rumi / Miruko #usagiyama rumi #miruko #miruko imagine #bnha imagines #citrus dome collab #citrus dome #bnha smut #miruko x reader

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makeste · 4 years ago

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BnHA 6th Popularity Poll Reaction Post - Risky Spoiler-Dodging Edition

hey guys, so seeing as the results from the 6th popularity poll were leaked today, I figured I would do a separate reaction + analysis post this year, rather than piling it in as an extra on top of the chapter reaction post tomorrow. I figure this makes more sense anyway, since they’re really two completely different things. also this way I can write as much as I want lol.

also, just fyi, I am still completely unspoiled for chapter 293. and probably the smart thing to do to keep it that way would be to log off tumblr and hold off posting this until tomorrow, but I apparently have no impulse control today so oh well. anyway, so I’m hoping you guys will keep this spoiler-free if you don’t mind! as always, I would prefer to just jump right in completely unaware tomorrow like Troy returning to the study room with the pizza boxes lol.

okay so this first part is just going to be my predictions. fyi I am writing this part on Wednesday night, and then I’ll add on the results part on Thursday or Friday (ETA: Thursday, apparently, since I am impatient.)

okay so first of all, just as a refresher, this poll was open to Japanese voters from Aug 3 to Sep 30. meaning chapters 279 through 285. meanwhile last year’s poll took place around the tail end of the MVA arc. so between then and now we had Heroes Rising, the Endeavor Agency arc, and the War arc up to the part where the 1-A kids took on Gigantomachia in Gunga, and started battling Tomura in Jakku. so technically only a couple of arcs, but a LOT of stuff going down in them. oh and season 4 of the anime as well

so! firstly, I predict that my truculent africanized honeybee son will hold on to his crown at #1, coming off a year in which he did some internship-boosted soul searching, borrowed OFA in movie canon, and finished out the voting period as the my-body-moved-on-its-own character development MVP. like CALL ME CRAZY lol, but I’m pretty sure his title is safe. and then after him will be Deku and Shouto as usual

Aizawa should hopefully also have a strong showing because the dude had a banner fucking year. reunited with his old dead friend, took on Tomura with his hopelessly inept hero pals, and then chopped his fucking leg off. he had better be in the top 10. his fucking leg died for this, idk what else he has to do

Endeavor also stands a decent chance of doing well given the internship arc and the final episode of season 4. which I’m sure will go down just swimmingly if that does happen lmao. especially if he somehow manages to rank higher than...

Dabi, which I don’t think he will btw, but you never know. anyways though, but I’m thinking Dabi’s going to have a stronger showing than in past years (in the last poll he only got 367 votes and was ranked 19th). mostly because of his fight in the Gunga mansion, and his cheekily censored name reveal to...

Hawks, who is also going to rank pretty high here, I think. might be he loses some points for killing off Twice, but his back was basically to the wall there. and he has always been very popular, and I think season 4 will also give him a boost, along with his heavy involvement in the first half of the War arc

Tomura was already in 6th place last year and I think he cracks the top 5 this year. he’s gotten exponentially more popular since the MVA arc, and got a boost in the last poll even though his flashback had only just barely happened, and he hadn’t finished Awakening yet and all that stuff. anyway, so he’s only gotten cooler and more tragic since then so I think he makes a big play here

Kirishima, Momo, Tokoyami, and Mina should also hopefully do well, since the poll opened right in the middle of all that Gigantomachia action, and Toko had just got done being an absolute badass and protecting his birb dad. I don’t think he’ll quite make it to the top ten, but he should

and last but not least, I’m hoping that Mirko will come out and take the polls by storm, although I have no clue how popular she is in Japan lol. she’s clearly Horikoshi’s favorite though. she SHOULD be everyone’s favorite, but I mean, we’ll see how it goes

anyway that’s it as far as predictions! and so now, through the magic of writing stuff at different times, we will fast-forward to the part where we actually find out the results!

OH MY GOD YES, STEAMPUNK KHLKSLLKL. HERE FOR IT. JOLLY GOOD SHOW. 5 STARS

Kacchan looks SO COCKY and SO HAPPY and SO ADORABLE, YES I SAID IT. he is adorable as FUCK. I don’t quite know what it is about this particular Kacchan that just screams “LOOK HOW FUCKING CUTE MY STUPID, LOUD SON IS WITH HIS BIZARRE WINDOWPANE-LOOKING CONVERTIBLE SUNGLASS GOGGLES and his POORLY TIED CRAVAT”, but I think it’s because he looks like if a Digimon character and a FMA character had a baby

anyway, so it looks like most of the people present here are more or less who we expected to see. except that I can’t tell for sure if that’s Dabi or Shindou, and if it’s Shindou I’m going to punch somebody in the face so you will have to excuse me

Iida wearing a TRENCHCOAT and a TOP HAT with ENGINE EXHAUST GOGGLE ACCENTS is my new favorite Iida of all time. take note how there is no possible way he can wear those goggles with them sitting on top of his hat like that. plus he’s already got glasses on. these are just purely for aesthetic and IF THAT AIN’T JUST THE STEAMPUNK WAY

Deku out here speaking softly and carrying a lead pipe. Kacchan you best look out. seems like he’s done watching you take first place year after year while he languishes in the number two spot. your only hope is that he trips while attacking you because his boots are unbuckled

Shouto’s standing over there with the rest of the non-first-and-second-place characters, but what are the odds his results are actually within spitting distance of Deku’s same as always. anyway he doesn’t mind, though. also his outfit is by far the most sensible one here, but if you look closely he’s got some sort of fire extinguisher/jet pack thing strapped to his back that’s got a control switch on his belt. Shouto are you jetpacking or putting out fires

Kirishima out here all “I’m not sure what steampunk is so I’m just going to take off my shirt and pose”

AIZAWA WITH THE EYEPATCH SKLKSDLKFJLSKJLDFKJSLDFFJLDKSJFL:KS. SIR. SIR. also, lowkey furious that Horikoshi refuses to show us the automail leg that he is clearly sporting here but which we just can’t see, SHOUTO MOVE GODDAMMIT

Endeavor has TWO fire extinguisher-slash-jetpacks. THE BETTER TO... WHATEVER. look at you here in the top ten again. you really live for that controversy

HAWKS OUT HERE WITH HIS STEAMPUNK BEATS BY DRE AND HIS WEARING A RING ON EVERY FINGER. nice to see you’ve still got your wings there, kiddo. then again Deku still has both of his arms too so who even knows what is going on

BUT SERIOUSLY THOUGH, IS THIS DABI OR SHINDOU. as if I don’t know the truth deep down in my heart. y’all I am gonna flip lmao. it’s not that I dislike Shindou, strictly speaking. but just... I can’t explain what it is, but if you put him and AFO next to each other and told me “you can only punch one”, I would be having a serious crisis. just, THIS FUCKING GUY, idek. STOP SMILING

Tomura looks like he just wandered onto the set here by mistake and has no idea where he is or what is going on. it’s because you’re wearing a bigass severed hand that’s blocking your entire view, Tomura. just take the hand off your face my sweet murder dumpling

anyway! so I managed to also find a link to the full poll results while somehow managing to avoid spoilers, and then I wanted to compare the results to last year’s poll, and so I made... this

hopefully you can all see this. if you’re on desktop you might be screwed, but on mobile you should be able to click and enlarge it. I mean, assuming you actually give a fuck about boring poll analysis spreadsheets lmao

anyway, so there were actually 13k fewer votes cast this year which is a bit of a surprise. is the series not still growing in popularity? do people apparently have better things to do during their quarantine lol

anyways but despite this, and despite getting 8k fewer votes overall, Kacchan still managed almost twice as many as his closest competitor. well fought, Deku. please put down that pipe

I somehow always underestimate the power of ship popularity to influence these things. but for example, it looks like Present Mic got that Vigilantes Trio bump. ride that wave for all it’s worth my man! hell, you got me on board

Iida fucking Tenya somehow got some sort of POWER BOOST out of NOWHERE which I can’t explain at all lmao, but I’m here for it. NOT BAD FOR AN OLD MAN

Sero managed to get the exact same number of votes in both 2019 and 2020. clearly the most loyal fans in the business

Mirko being all the way down at #20 is, of course, a travesty, and I hereby nominate her to be the one to punch Shindou in the face

ngl though, the lack of a single female character in the top ten hurts just a bit. it’s not overly surprising, but still. the worst part of it is that even if you kicked Shindou to the curb and moved everyone else up one slot, it would still be all dudes since Mic beat out Momo by a margin of a little more than a hundred votes. hard to stay mad at Mic for too long, though. ah well

Tomura actually lost a bunch of votes which is a genuine surprise to me. I know the villain standom isn’t as dominant in Japan as it is in Western fandom, but still. you can go ahead and punch Shindou too I guess

Tokoyami lowkey doubled his vote count over the past year while hiding down there at #18. he is slowly becoming more powerful. biding his time

anyway so I think that’s it! I mean not really, but I’m getting kind of tired lol. so just, you know, insert the usual gripes at Overhaul’s ranking here, although we can be happy about Magne making her way onto the list (r.i.p.), and Mineta and AFO taking a very satisfying slide down (all the way out, in AFO’s case; good riddance you bum). Hadou also got a huge boost which is awesome. Mustard’s persistent ownership of the #36 spot will forever remain a mystery to me, but oh well

anyways, this was fun. and I really do feel like everyone is looking away on purpose so that when Deku brains Kacchan with that pipe in about two seconds from now, there will be no witnesses, oh my fucking god

#bnha 293 #bnha popularity poll #bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku #todoroki shouto #aizawa shouta #shigaraki tomura #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha

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twdmusicboxmystery · 3 years ago

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The Awake/Asleep Theme (and How it Applies to the CRM)

Okay, this is an epiphany I had thanks to 11x06. All of us theorists noticed how much emphasis they put on the fact that Connie had not slept, and that was a big part of why she was freaking out the entire episode.

At one point, Virgil even accuses her of hallucinating what she saw behind the wall because of lack of sleep. So, it crossed most of our minds that the creatures in the house might not be real, but might be a hallucination.

That, it turned out, was not the case. But mentioning it at all felt like a nod to the hallucination theme.

But when I re-watched the episode, I noticed something else. At the beginning, when Virgil is telling Connie she needs to sleep, and she keeps shaking her head, he says the word, “Rest.” All by itself.

It reminded me of something Maggie said to Daryl in 5x10, Them. After she wakes up and the two of them talk about Beth, and he gives her the MUSIC BOX, she says, “it’s okay to rest now.” It makes sense in the context of the episode, since it seems he was awake, keeping watch while the others slept. She was just telling him that since she and others were awake now, he could get some sleep. But it’s just such a weird wording, you know? I always thought it must be symbolic of something, but I never knew exactly what.

So, we have this sleep/rest theme that ties Connie and Virgil (Beth and Daryl template) to Them, which was right after Coda, and literally minutes before the music box woke up.

The other thing that jumped out at me is when Caver said to Leah, “Shaw, wake up!” The way he said it just reminded me a lot of how Denise said it to Daryl and Rosita right before she was killed.

So, as I often do, I tried to step back and take a broader view of what the characters actually mean when they say stuff like that.

For Carver, when he said it to Leah in this episode, he basically means that she needs to wake up to the truth. She can’t see the truth (that Daryl is deceiving her) and she needs to stop being duped by him and allow herself to see the truth.

The way Denise used it was slightly different, but related. She was talking about how Daryl and Rosita weren’t even trying to deal with their issues. Basically, they weren’t really living, which is theme we heard from Beth at Grady. Kind of the equivalent of “sleeping through your life.”

And then I thought about the fact that we actually see Beth wake up at Grady. And as always, it makes sense in context because she was, you know, unconscious, so clearly she’d have to wake up at some point. But they just emphasized it SO much. Seeing her eyes flutter open. Seeing her slowly sit up and look around. I mean, how many times has TD posted those shots?

And that’s when it all clicked for me.

I said in the Matrix theory that the truth, what’s really going on, has to do with what TF has not recognized yet. It has to do with the CRM and what they’re doing that is negative, but most of TF (excluding Beth and Rick at this point) are still completely oblivious to it. So that is the “truth.” The truth that people need to wake up to.

So, thematically, being “awake” represents knowing or being able to see the truth. Being “asleep” represents being blissfully ignorant of the truth.

Think about how they used this theme in 11x06 with Connie and Virgil. Connie hasn’t slept. She’s refusing to sleep, which we all know is a bad thing. You have to take care of yourself or you’re gonna start hallucinating, which Connie kind of does here.

But because she refuses to sleep and goes to check the house again herself, she sees the creatures in the walls. She sees the danger. Danger Virgil doesn’t see. Because she’s awake. When she runs back down to tell him, we actually see Virgil SLEEPING. See what I mean?

So how do we interpret this in other cases. When I started thinking through these, they kinda blew my mind. Such great planning on the writers’ parts.

Beth at Grady:

With Beth, as we’ve already said, Grady is most likely tied to the CRM. I said in the Matrix theory that Rick and co should have awakened to the CRM and what was happening when they visited Grady, but they didn’t. They left and went back “into the Matrix” as it were, and back into blissful ignorance where that was concerned. I’m gonna come back to that in a minute.

The point is that we saw Beth waking up, because she was basically waking up in “Wonderland.” She was in a place where it was possible to see the truth for the first time. So, she was both literally and symbolically “waking up” to it.

When Maggie says to Daryl, “It’s okay to rest, now,” I think that’s the writers’ way of saying that they all went back to sleep, as it were. Back into the blissful ignorance of the Matrix, not understanding that Beth really lived or what the CRM was up to. She says it’s okay to rest, and he agrees, and they all “rest,” closing their eyes to the truth. Because it’s just easier to do that than to stay awake after the storm.

Now let’s look at Denise:

We immediately tied her death to Beth, because it was so similar to what happened at Grady. But that sequence indicated SO much more than that.

Denise was yelling at Daryl and Rosita about not being awake to their lives. And I’m not claiming Denise knew anything about the CRM. What was happening in her arc was its own thing, but thematically, yelling at them about not being awake could be seen as yelling at them about not understanding what’s really happening with the CRM. What’s really going on.

Think about what she said. She said they were both really good people, and they weren’t even “trying.” And literally the last words she spoke were, “and if you don’t wake up—” and then she was shot. In the eye. And died. On the TRAIN TRACKS. Right in front of Daryl. Just like Beth.

So, it’s almost the writers hinting that something about what happened with Beth should have woke them up to the truth. They need to wake up and see it, or they’re going to die.

And perhaps by extension, Daryl needs to wake up and see it or he’s never going to get Beth back. I mean, really think about that sequence. “If you don’t wake up—” Bam. Shot in the head.

Rick’s Old Man Coda:

Remember in S8, we kept seeing visions, which turned out to be Carl’s, of Rick waking up as an older man? Some things I want to point out here.

Rick is waking up in this sequence. It also has the vibrant color scheme that we often see in these dream-like scenes. I think the vibrant colors represent Wonderland, or the “truth” which means they represent the CRM or the world outside the one TF is currently aware of.

So, these “old man codas” as I liked to call them foreshadowed many things. They foreshadowed Carl’s death, the fact that we’d see Judith as an older child eventually, etc. But I also now understand that they represent Rick disappearing into the CRM. Thus, why he seems to be “waking up” in “wonderland.”

There are plenty of other symbols we could point to. The flowers, which are reminiscent of his hospital experience in ep 1, and thus also point toward Grady (tied to the CRM). The fact that the song, “Another One Rides the Bus” is playing in the background. That’s part of the yellow theme. Which applies to Rick in a big way, btw. I already talked about how we saw it during 7x12, which foreshadowed his death fake out.

But we also have this huge arc where Michonne, and of course Daryl, are looking for Rick along the river. But he’s not there. They’re looking in the wrong place. Yellow theme.

Grace in FTWD 6x12:

I won’t go into too many details about this, but we also saw this theme with Grace in Fear. She had a dream sequence that also employed these vibrant colors. And you could interpret this theme about 5 different ways in that episode. Parts of the dream had truth in them, which means she was seeing truth in the dream. Just a different truth than she thought.

Parts of the dream were also false, so she had to “wake up” to reality. And then things that happened near the end of the season around these events led a chunk of her group to connect directly with the CRM. Several of them were picked up by a black helicopter in the season finale. So, the awake/asleep theme was definitely being employed there.

And finally, that brings me to Leah:

We still think the vibrant and sometimes blurry colors of FM suggest a dream-like state. We’ve been trying to nail down the timeline and things just don’t add up. So at the very least, we still think some of this is being remembered wrong.

But I also think perhaps the reason for the vibrant colors is that Leah is Daryl’s Grady. In the sense that he’s just getting a tiny inkling of what’s going on, on the outside with the CRM, but really hasn’t put it all together, yet.

I think Leah is going to lead him, in a big way, to waking up to the truth of the CRM. I think that’s her entire function in the plot. And of course there’s all this back story and all the stuff with Maggie and the Reapers. Lots of complicated arcs going on. But Leah is how Daryl will finally “wake up” to the truth, which will lead him to Beth. And eventually Rick.

That’s all. Thoughts?

#beth greene #beth greene lives #beth is alive #beth is coming #td theory #td theories #team delusional #team defiance #beth is almost here #bethylforever

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annabethy · 4 years ago

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Percy Jackson Characters as Band Kids 2.0

based on experiences i WISH i didn’t have. i’ve been proposed to at a game by the opposing piccolo. in honor of my 20k word marching band au being posted tomorrow!

Percy

• looks unfairly hot in the marching uniform.

• would definitely be drum major and have all of the band falling in love over him.

• he would also be in the auditorium before a concert and jump off of a 10 foot ledge in the pit because he simply cannot take being in band anymore™️.

• would get up on the drum major podium and start dancing to stand tunes from the other band.

• gives high fives to all of the band right before the half-time show

• carries annabeth like a backpack during third quarter break

• him and annabeth go to meet the other drum majors in the band and are that fierce couple that every band is afraid of

• slut for big ballin

• is nearly murdered when a cheerleader does a backflip into his podium

• before halftime, “What time is it?” “HALFTIME” “What time is it?” “GAME TIME” “half time is game time Half Time Is Game Time HALF TIME IS GAME TIME”

Annabeth

• is the kid that is deadly good at their instrument and will murder you with a single look.

• you do not want to audition for the state band after her because she will tear you to shreds.

• she also happens to be dating the drum major, of course, and has the drum major wrapped around her finger.

• she is terrifying, and also happens to be the other drum major so the little kids have to ask her for help but are scared because she is very scary.

• plays piccolo and goes around telling people to “suck my picc”

• will yell at colorguard when they put a rifle on the wrong yard line during a show while every single woodwind is marching in a backwards curve.

• hates seven nation army with a passion

• flute chant. “flutes and piccs are h-o-t hot, we got something you ain’t got, we’re bad, we know it, we’re here to show it” cue screaming

• piccolo chant aka PICCS PICCS PICCS PICCS *INSTENSE SCREAMING*

Piper

• is that kid the hot bi. crushing on Annabeth and blatantly tries to steal her from Percy. but she’s just kidding (not really).

• she is the person that proposes to a kid that plays the same instrument from the other band.

• probably plays piccolo because Annabeth does.

• when it’s marching season, she will watch a woodwind step out of line and take down an entire row of clarinets and not move a single muscle. they all learn somehow.

• screams the words to sweet Caroline instead of playing

• “my name is piper. i play the picc. it’s really tiny. just like your di—

Jason

• is the band kid who thinks they are the best at their instrument

• they are actually the worst at their instrument

• probably a trumpet

• doesn’t get into all county and is like “but I’m so good it’s rigged” but he actually couldn’t even play his scales double octave oop couldn’t be me

• gets hit by the guard flags during a show and gets a concussion

• crushes on piper who tells him “i only date people good at their instruments.” he goes home and cries before reporting her to the band director for harassment

• fucks up solo at mpa. idk who gave him a solo to begin with

Leo

• first and foremost, he is percussion. during concert season, he tries to muffle the gong so he uses his whole body to do so. he succeeds in humping the gong.

• cadences over and over. and over.

• throws a drum stick at annabeth and bonks her on the head

• percy does not like that and takes the drum stick and hurls it at leo. hits him in the eye

• elf hats during the christmas parade

• DRUM BATTLES

• empties a water bottle at a game by crushing the plastic. chokes as he deepthroats the water

• “Annabeth you are so out of tune you’re making me want to stab my eardrums,” and in response, she says, “I’m going to play a high c right in your ear and teach you what decent fucking music sounds like”

Frank

• the one decent kid who apologizes when they run into someone

• helps the freshmen because no one else will

• refuses to participate in senior pranks

• once tries to help a brass player take a valve out but drops the instrument and dents it and starts crying

• brass captain

• he actually tries to save the line of woodwinds when colorguard misplaces a rifle during that backwards curve

• steps in the pile of fire ants. chaos ensues

Hazel

• sweetheart but lost.

• struggles with marching on beat but once she gets the hang of it, she has so much patience for helping others

• something tame, like the clarinet.

• never squeaks because she is an ICON

• people think she is nice and will sometimes tease her and she’s too nice to do anything but then when someone decides to take her reeds, she full on throws a stand at them.

• speaking of stands, she gets abnormally frustrated when they start to fall in front of her face. slowly slipping. creak. creak. creak.

• always very helpful at the football games. cares for people that pass out of heat stroke. always has a cooling towel just in case

• makes snide remarks to the cheerleaders when they can’t dance in time to crazy train (“it’s not that hard it’s literally 4/4”)(“I thought cheerleaders could at least count to 4?”)

• director thinks she is an angel but actually has no idea she’s constantly on her phone during rehearsal.

• “im using it as a tuner”

Connor

• HEY BABY. will point to Annabeth for “I wanna knowwwww if you’ll be my girl” to spite Percy

• laughs bc Percy is conducting and there is simply nothing he can do about it

• “what you gonna do Percy? Cut the band off because you’re jealous? do it I dare you”

• crazy trumpet that runs through the stands and promptly trips and tumbles down the bleachers until he hits the bottom. may kill one or two flutes in the process

• speaking of flutes, he enjoys sacrificing them. particularly annabeth. picks her up over his shoulder and dumps her in a trashcan

• gets on the metal podium during band camp and passes out off of it. a quick and painful journey the 6 feet to the ground.

Travis

• to Piper: “One time at band camp, I stuck a flute up my—”

• evil laughter when Annabeth narrowly dodges a guard saber

• he’s the leader of the senior pranks, offering those poor freshman cupcakes with ketchup and mustard frosting

• he also sets up the pentagram with the band directors family photos, and ties percy and annabeth dolls to drum major podiums. don’t ask.

• he definitely spills coffee on the band room carpet at least once,

• likes to surprise percy and annabeth when they sneak off during sectionals to “practice conducting” (he quickly proves they were, in fact, not practicing conducting)

Grover

• trips in the whole and screams about “WHY ARE THERE HOLES IN OUR MARCHING FIELD SOMEONE IS GOING TO DIE”

• chews on a metal can at a game and cuts his mouth open but is too scared to say anything as he bleeds from the mouth because he wasn’t supposed to have a soda can to begin with so he just plays with blood!

• ceo of “MAKE MONEY MONEY MAKE MONEY MONEY MONEY” “MARCHING BAND MARCHING BAND MARCHING BAND MARCHING BAND”

• gets HEATED at mpa because “WE CANNOT BE THE CLASS TO DESTROY OUR TEN YEAR STREAK OF STRAIGHT SUPERIORS”

• hangs with percy and annabeth, arms around each of them during the football games. loves them dearly.

• has a knack for interrupting percy and annabeth at the worst possible times. they’re in the uniform room? SURPRISE SHAWTY he’s there too “what are you doing? why is annabeth’s hair a mess? didn’t you just do those braids?”

#percabeth #percy jackson #pjo #annabeth chase #percy jackson and the olympians

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im-like-if-a-girl · 4 years ago

Text

*THE* mean-girl-dean-girl's Supernatural reboot MEGAPOST!

I'm gonna stick a little "keeping reading" here because hoooooo boy, this is a very long post.

Let's start with

Plot

Season 1

Dean kills John while they are out on a hunt in a crime of passion, but Dean doesn't remember because he blacked out. Cue Dean going to Stanford to get Sam and tell him "Dad's on a hunting trip... and he hasn't been home in a couple days."

The audience doesn't know what happened to John, but slowly figures it out with Dean and Sam as Dean slowly remembers what happened that night.

The entire first season, the boys are following the trail John left and fighting monsters as well. They find out Dean was with John, Sam realizes Dean has an unreliable memory, they have heart to hearts about their childhood and the fire, they find John's body, "how could you kill Dad?" but maybe Dean didn't kill dad, whooaaaaaa, misdirection.

It was actually good ole yeller eyes (Azazel) and he made it look like Dean killed John.

Okay, now let's move on to the first episode

Not sure how the opening would work, I would like the story of the fire to be revealed over the course of the first season, but maybe the opening scene could be a little bit of an establishing character relationships and backstory, idk, I haven't thought that far yet.

I'm thinking maybe it's like, Dean gets back to a motel room covered in blood and he listens to a voicemail on his phone from John saying he was on a hunt or something, I don't really know lol.

HOWEVER

I do know that after the intro rolls, we get a scene of Sam waking up to his alarm and "Nine to Five" by Dolly Parton starts playing.

Y'all know where this is going.

Cue a montage of Sam's normal Stanford college life (him sitting through lectures, walking through the campus with friends) spliced with scenes of Dean absolutely slaughtering a nest of vampires (or some other monsters, whatever works best.)

But

Now onto

Characters!!! (And descriptions)

Dean Winchester

Some lovely person on this site made edits of Dean with platinum blond hair and it made me feel some kind of way so we're doing that, homie's gonna have platinum blond hair

Side note about the hair, later when the brothers are running from the FBI he dyes it a dirty blond/light brown (insert jackles hair color controversy here) as a disguise.

He also gets tattoos because we were robbed.

Speaking of tattoos, concept: when Dean comes back from Hell, all of his tattoos are gone. His body is a clean slate, devoid of tattoos, scars, etc. So he gets his tattoos done all over again, which he doesn't mind because he made some bad, drunk tattoo decisions in his youth.

(And before you ask, yes, he does get one for Cas, either a bee or Cas's name in enochian, something cute.)

Dean goes to therapy after Sam gets sent to the Cage.

It's actually court mandated because he got in trouble, lol, he would never go to therapy on his own.

Along with the hair, Dean gets to be the grade A twunk we all know he is.

Sam Winchester

His hair gets longer in every scene he's in

No jk, but imagine

King of Microaggressions

Sam starts off like the sweetheart he is in season 1 but in later seasons he starts enjoying killing a little too much...

It's that demon blood, ba-by!!!

He brings up issues of morality to Dean, i.e. killing monsters who aren't hurting anyone. (Yes I know this is contradictory to my previous statement, but these two facets of Sam can and will coexist.)

Sam and Jess's relationship is explored further, meaning we'll need to start with a different inciting incident, but that's fine, I think everyone can agree fridgings are *(thumbs down)*

Sam doesn't truly know what happened the night of the fire until later, and then he understands why Dean is so protective of him.

Jess

She gets to live beyond the first episode

She is also trans

No, I don't feel like I have to explain myself and I won't 💜

She urges Sam to join Dean in a search for their brother, kind of gets pulled into the hunter lifestyle by association lol.

She dies on a rusty nail after fighting vampires on a routine hunt with Sam

No jk!!!

But imagine....

She's amazing and I love her and Lucifer also uses her as leverage against Sam and possesses her because I think that'd be cool.

She supports Sam 100% and also she and Dean are buddies, pals if you will.

She meets Cas Thee El and immediately she Knows, that is a homosexual.

She dies still so that we can have a Saileen Endgame but she's not dying the first episode or in a fridging. Not on my watch.

Castiel

He gets to keep his raw, light-fixture-exploding power.

I want more of that "I pulled you out of hell, I can throw you back in" energy except over dumb shit like Dean not cleaning up after himself.

He looks like a Dilf in every scene he's in, yeah, that's right, dilf with a capital D for *(GUNSHOTS)* *(gets sent to horny jail)*

Claire

She gets pink hair

And more time with Cas

And maybe a nose piercing

Feel like she should be able to kill a couple angels onscreen, punch a couple homophobes

She gets to meet Jack and teaches him swears and fun slang words.

She deserves it.

Jack

I says "that's my baby and I'm proud."

Jack starts off as a baby, but like Amara he grows up super quickly.

Like, baby to 11 year old in a couple days or less.

This is because Jack's emotional age on the show is on par with that of a 5th grader.

It's at this point when he's a young kid that he runs away from the Bunker and shenanigans ensue.

It's also at this point that Dean threatens to k*ll him.

(Still not sure if I want that in my Supernatural (threatened infanticide? In my Supernatural? It's more likely than you think) but we'll see. We'll see.)

Throughout a majority of season 13, Jack is like an 11 y.o. kid

Season 14 he's like a 16 y.o. teenager

Season 15 he's 21, you get the picture.

Listen, I love Alex Calvert a lot. He's great.

But Jack is a child and should be a child.

Kelly Kline

Kelly, baby, stay right where you are, you're perfect.

Eileen

SHE DOESN'T DIE

SHE GETS TO BE IN THE FINALE BECAUSE SHE'S AMAZING AND I LOVE HER.

BLURRY WIFE WHO? I ONLY KNOW SAILEEN ENDGAME!

She teaches Claire and Jack swears in sign-language. Castiel is not impressed.

John

J*hn W*nchester stans, DNI.

He's dead.

We only see him in flashbacks and only sometimes hear his voice in voice overs.

He's not "down the road" from Dean in Heaven, in fact he instead gets to wander around in some Purgatory like Hell for the rest of his time :)

People who get to say "fuck" on the show:

Cas (but only Once)

Jody

Bobby

Now onto other things

I want more of

Ghostfacers

(they need more screentime because I love them)

Dean/Benny

We know they had a thing.

They definitely had a thing.

Demon Dean

Again, I feel like more should've been done with this. All that build up for what, 2 episodes? was not utilized well at all.

Dean's Bisexuality

Straight Dean truthers DNI, my Supernatural is a show about love and being true to yourself

You think Supernatural is a show about 2 straight brothers fighting monsters?

Naw bitch, this is a show about the Gay Experience

He will get to have relations with men on this show.

Of course, only after John dies does he, y'know, display it. Maybe he kisses Cas on his dad's grave just to fuck John over, make him roll in grave.

We all agree John would be/is a homophobe piece of shit, right?

Okay, glad we're on the same page.

Dads

3 men and a baby with Jack is what I'm saying.

I love it when the Trio are father-figures to younger troubled characters they see themselves in, even better if it's like reluctant-but-loving father figure, oh, that trope gets me every time :'^)

Dadstiel and DadDean are my favorites, but I like it when Sam plays "Uncle Sam" to kids too lol.

"Fellas, is it gay to want a tight knit family with your husband, his son, his vessel's daughter, your brother, his wife, your cop mother figure and her wife and their adopted daughters? Asking for a friend."

Garth

Biggest flaw of Supernatural was underutilizing Garth.

I will never not be bitter that Garth was only in like, 7 episodes out of the whole 15 season series.

Every episode with Garth gets immediately 5 times better.

I love Garth.

Follow ups on characters who had entire episodes featured around them and then just... vanished???

This is mostly about Jesse, the magic kid whose imagination ruled an entire town like, his daddy was a demon and nothing came of that kid??? Only one episode about him?? No follow up???

KID CAN MANIPULATE REALITY AND WE'RE NOT GONNA GET A FOLLOW UP ON THAT?????

Uh, there was that one episode with Ennis the guy whose girlfriend was killed by a monster? I think?? Who we never see again, that was weird.

Tamara from season 3, episode 1.

And of course-

Cassie

She was so cool, and then we never saw her again :////

She gets to be a badass.

Religious imagery

As a former Catholic school student who has become for the most part, disillusioned with religion, religious imagery in TV shows like Supernatural make my brain go "brrrrrr."

Fun episodes!!!

Like, after season 6 or so, there's a drop in funny episodes

I'm talking Changing Channels, The French Mistake type stuff. (Scoobynatural is an outlier and should not be counted.)

So anyway

In my version we would have more fun episodes

I'm thinking

GENDER-SWAP EPISODE, BABY!!

(why they didn't do that in the original, we'll never know.)

An episode where Dean gets to wear eyeliner

That's it, end of post.

I want less

Racism

Yeah I feel like this is self explanatory, nearly every reoccurring character in SPN is white, and black side characters normally die in the episode they first appear in, or they'll be featured as a villain (Uriel, Raphael, Billie, etc)

Also there's a lot of... uh... asian fetishism featured in the show (what with "Busty Asian Beauties) that's really gross, also Kevin was a bit of a stereotype...

Also also it's super yucky how they kill the gods from other religions like???? Uh??? That's super disrespectful, let's not do that????

I know Supernatural is like, inherently racist because monsters are a separate race that are seen as some dangerous "other" that must be eradicated by hunters in a form of genocide-

Okay we won't get into that but

Still

Stop killing all your POC

Fridgings/Unecessary murders of female characters

I know Supernatural starts with a fridging, so this will be a hard thing to remedy, but

One death that really pissed me off was the death of Charlie

Yeah, that was pointless and we're not doing that. Charlie gets to live and be an awesome aunt to Jack.

And also Claire

Charlie Bradbury Superiority

Charlie and Garth get to meet because they're nerd/geek solidarity.

British Men of Letters

I fucking hate these guys

They're "litcherally" the worst.

The worst part is that the actors they have playing the British AREN'T. EVEN. BRITISH.

And you can tell

Uh, and that's all for now, I'll add more later.

tag list for people who liked my "if this post gets one like I'll post my SPN reboot masterpost" post.

@darianyunidi @sarasidlesaid @crazybananaalpaca @playfulpanthress @ultfreakme @fififeelsmellow @heller-char @luna8eaton @princessmeganfire @insanebot109 @queenofnightsnow @mongoose-underthehouse

Thank you for the support, hope the wait was worth it.

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apocalypseornaw · 4 years ago

Text

Always be Yours- 8

Word Count: 5,574

Story Summary: Follows Dean x Reader throughout season 9 into season 10

Chapter Summary: Lies come crashing down on you and Dean which results in Kevin's death after discovering that the angel possessing Sam is not who he said he was

Warnings: Cursing, fights, character death, mention of sex

You were still half asleep with your bare leg draped across Dean as his fingers traced patterns on your skin. “I’m worried about Sammy,Y/N” You kissed his chest right over his tattoo “I know. I am too but what can we do here? Ezekiel says he’s not healed enough to eject him and after what happened with Vesta saying he’s practically dead inside I’m sort of leaning towards the fact that he’s telling the truth on that part” A ghost of a smirk graced his face before he said “Think Jody’s forgave us for missing out on that fight?” you buried your face into his shoulder at the reminder that the two of you had in fact gotten kidnapped by a goddess because Dean had been eager to make sure the two of you got to take each other’s reclaimed “virginity” as soon as possible.

“I think I’d be a little pissed at the fact that I got stabbed because two of my friends and fellow hunters couldn’t resist the urge to have sex in the impala two blocks from the hotel instead of waiting until they got alone” he chuckled then reached down to pull you closer to him for a kiss. “These last few weeks have been good though haven’t they?” You smiled “Yeah they have” since that first night you had started sleeping in Dean’s room because you quickly found out that you both slept better curled up to the other. You could hear someone walking in the hall and strained your ears for a moment “There comes Sam, think it’s a case?” He shrugged letting his fingers slip under the shirt you had on and you slapped at his hand as Sam knocked on the door “Got a case! Meet me in the library!” Dean smirked at you as Sam walked away “He didn’t say when to meet him” you rolled your eyes and untangled yourself from your boyfriend “I’m fairly certain he didn’t mean have sex then come meet me” he watched you from the bed as you slipped a pair of his sleep pants on under the shirt you slept in then tilted your head towards the door “If we hurry we might have time to grab a shower before we hit the road” That made him get out of the bed a lot faster than he normally would. He grabbed a shirt on the way then grabbed your hand “Let’s go see what he’s got”

------

You were laid back across baby’s backseat as Dean drove towards Fort Collins. The case seemed to be along the angelic line so you were headed to check it out. You weren’t paying too much attention to their conversation as you were attempting to go to sleep until you realized Sam’s posture had changed and knew that meant Ezekiel was the one talking to Dean. You cut your eyes at Dean as you sat up and caught the fact that he had apparently called Ezekiel out. “So, he’s better?” you looked over at Ezekiel who met your eyes first then slowly nodded to Dean “Yes, Sam is much improved. It shouldn’t be much longer now” “No offense but you told us the same thing last week” you added and Dean nodded in agreement.

“As I told you both when we met, this will take time” Dean scoffed at that “Well then go, heal. We’d like Sam back now” Ezekiel looked at Dean for a moment then looked at you “I must say Dean, Y/N..I’m very uncomfortable with this whole trip. Investigating crimes involving angels or anything involving angels puts me and therefore puts Sam at risk” “It’s what we do” you replied and Dean added “Family business Zeke.If we ignored this Sam will think something fishy’s going on”

“Then I trust you will both be discreet” Ezekiel said than a thought occurred to you that must have struck Dean at the same time because he said “Wait, if you know where we’re going that means you’ve been listening in. Are you hearing everything between us and Sam?” you were curious as well but Ezekiel said “No, just a word here and there. I have better things to do with my time than eavesdrop like heal Sam” Dean started to speak “Ok, cause here’s the thing” but since he was looking at the road he missed the change in Sam so you bumped his shoulder to quickly cut him off as Sam picked up the conversation he’d dropped when Ezekiel had taken the wheel “I mean I was gonna say, it seems like it’s getting really quiet out there. Not a peep from the angels, even Buddy Boyle goes off the air and stops recruiting for them” “Obviously a calm before the storm” Dean reasoned and you had to admire the fact that neither of you had gotten whiplash from the change between Sam and Ezekiel and how sudden it was at times.

“Yeah, maybe” Sam replied then glanced out the window. “What’s wrong?” you asked at the expression on his face and he looked a bit surprised to see you sitting up but he explained “That sign said Fort Collins fifty miles, last time I looked like twelve seconds ago it said Fort Collins one hundred miles” “You know Dean’s driving” you teased with a tense smile. Dean shook his head “Since that goddess got her hooks in you..” but Sam cut him off “It’s more than Vesta. I mean, this kind of thing has been happening to me. Like there are chunks of time just missing, like there are times I’m not here” It hurt your heart to hear the distress in Sam’s voice and not be able to comfort him. Dean spoke up “Like I’ve said”

“Yes the trials,I know I heard you and Y/N last week when you said it and the week before that and the week before that” You leaned up between them and offered “Maybe because damn straight you have reason to be wiped after the trials Sam! They whacked you. You’re not up to warp speed yet but you will be and until you are you have me and Dean to watch your back” He nodded and didn’t look too convinced on yours or Dean's theories but still joked “Unless you get kidnapped by another goddess for shacking up?” you rolled your eyes playfully and said “For that I’m going to sleep” then laid back.

------

The bar where the crime scene was had cops covering nearly every inch. You climbed out of baby and followed Sam across the parking lot. Dean stopped on the steps leading up to the wooden porch and flashed his badge so you and Sam followed suit. The deputy at the door looked over all three of your badges and nodded “One of your guys is already here” another hunter maybe? Dean looked from you to Sam as you walked inside the door but you were just as clueless as they were.

You spotted Cas about the same time he spotted you and told the cop he was currently talking to “There’s my colleagues” The cop walked off so he could catch the three of you up. You shared a smile with Sam when he patted Cas’ shoulder “Agent” “Agents” Cas replied with a little smile. Dean on the other hand looked less than thrilled and while you were happy to see Cas you remembered just how many reasons there were for it being a bad idea that Cas worked this particular scene. “Cas, what the hell are you doing here?” Dean asked and Cas shrugged “I still have the badge that you gave me” Dean nodded “Yeah uh but what the hell are you doing?” Cas’ face fell slightly “The murders were all over the news. I thought I might be of help” Sam cut in by saying “But Cas you know this is an angel situation right? I mean you left that night because the angels were on your ass” Dean’s eyes widened at Sam’s words and you gave him a look silently begging him to steer the conversation a different way so he spoke up “Yeah, and you were living the life, you know? Early retirement, working your way up the gas n sip ladder” at least it got the conversation off things that could trigger Sam figuring out he was missing out on even more time than he realized. Cas glanced towards you as he said “If angels are slaughtering one another, I have to do what I can to help. This is a risk we should be willing to take. Don’t you think?”

Sam smirked slightly and you couldn’t help but grin when Cas said “Hey, Cas is back in town” and Dean shook his head “Seriously did you, did he just say that?” and looked towards you. You shrugged “Leave him be, he wants to help” Cas smiled then opened the file in his hand that held photos of the bodies “These angels were butchered, much more violence than required” Sam took the photos from him so you stepped back next to Sam so you could look at the photos as well. They were pretty gorey. “Dean it definitely took more than one or two killing to pull this off” you held out one of the photos and he nodded then suggested “Hit squad? Bartholomew’s people?”

Sam shrugged one shoulder “Well Bartholomew is a faction we know about but this could be somebody else entirely. Someone we don’t know” “Well whoever it is, we’ll find them” Cas confidently said patting all three of your shoulders in turn. Cas walked off and Dean sighed “We’ll find them. That’s great” the moment you looked from Dean to Sam you spotted his posture change as his eyes glowed slightly “Zeke? I thought you didn’t want public appearances?” you whispered and he looked past your shoulder to where Cas stood talking to a deputy “This is a big risk Y/N” Dean stepped closer to you and it shocked you slightly to realize it was a protective stance. Was he worried Ezekiel would hurt you? “We know, now give Sam the driver’s seat back” He nodded and his eyes glowed then the change in posture told you Sam was back.

You shot a look at Dean trying to ask why he was acting weird but he just shook his head “Let’s grab Cas and go get a beer or something. Talk this case over” “Sounds good to me” Sam replied with a smile.

------

All of you were still in your fed suit at a bar a bit further into the nearest town. You sat between Dean and Sam nursing a beer and could feel the tension rolling off of Dean. Why was Ezekiel being weird around Cas? Hell Cas vouched for him.

“It is so good being together again” Cas said with a smile that softened your mood just seeing it. He was a little tipsy and you could tell when he tilted his beer “You know, this is my first beer as a human” then he looked around the table as a thought occurred to him “I hope it’s ok, me joining all of you” “Of course it is” you assured him with a smile. “Why wouldn’t it be?” Sam added. Dean looked towards Sam then said “Cas are you sure you’re ready to jump back into all this? I mean it seemed to me like you’d actually found some peace” Cas nodded while Dean was talking then said “You once told me that you don’t choose what you do. It chooses you” you bit your lip to hide a smirk at Dean’s confusion. “I’m a part of this, like it or not” Cas added and clinked his beer against Dean’s.

Sam nodded clearly amused then said “Well in that case,we have to figure out who we are up against, what do they want and how to stop them” “Well Bartholomew wants to reverse Metatron’s spell. Presumably to retake heaven once his following is large enough. That’s according to April” “The reaper you banged?” you asked. Cas nodded “And Dean stabbed”

Dean nodded “She was hot” so you kicked him under the table which made him add “Not as hot as you Y/N” “You are much lovelier than her” Cas added so you smiled at him “Thank you” Sam laughed “I’m gonna get us another round” Cas stood up first “Naw, I’ll get it”

You watched him stumble off the stool and laughed when Dean scoffed “One beer and he’s hammered” You didn’t clock Sam’s posture changing but when Dean said “Oh boy” you glanced up and knew with one look Sam wasn’t driving. “Well, what are you two going to do about this?” “About Cas?” you questioned and Ezekiel replied “He is a beacon Y/N, pulling every angel from miles down on our heads” You leaned a bit closer to Dean without meaning to as he said “You know what Zeke, level with us. What is it that you’re so afraid of?” his hand reached out to touch your knee and you calmed a bit at the touch. Ezekiel was starting to worry you with his actions more and more, you knew Dean could pick up on that as well.

“I told you both. When I chose to answer Dean’s prayer and heal Sam, I chose sides. That means I’m not in good standing with certain angels” “Well neither is Cas” you bit back and felt Dean’s grip tighten on your knee as he agreed with you “And Cas is here with his ass on the line, fighting the fight. So tell me what makes you so special?”

Before Ezekiel could answer Cas walked back over “Here we go, four brewskies” “I’m going to get something out of the car” Ezekiel announced. You watched him walk off then looked over at Dean placing your hand over his. You weren’t sure what was coming but something told you it wouldn’t be anything good.

You were being quiet trying to still your mind until Cas cleared his throat “Dean, I um noticed you look kind of uncomfortable when Sam mentions my leaving. If Y/N knows you told me to leave, why doesn’t he?” you looked between the two of them because you honestly had no response. Dean sighed “Look, here’s the deal when Sam was doing the trials to seal up hell, It messed him up ok? The third one nearly killed him. If I’d let him finish it would have, he’s still messed up bad” Cas looked a bit confused “You said the angel Ezekiel helped heal him”

You squeezed Dean’s hand that was still on your knee before he said “Look, I got to do anything I can to get him back. Now if that means we keep our distance from you for a little while then I don’t have a choice” You added “You have to know he doesn’t feel good about that choice Cas, neither do I but” “It’s great to have your help Cas but we just can’t work together” Dean finished and you felt your heart drop at how broken Cas looked again. He’d lost the angels that were his family and now you and Dean were turning your backs on him.

------

“Dean, how long are we supposed to trust Ezekiel? I mean I see how you act every time he comes out. You don’t trust him” Sam was in the map room last you’d seen him so you cornered Dean in the kitchen both of you whispering so none of the other habitants of the bunker would overhear. “I don’t know Y/N but we can’t risk him leaving and it killing Sam” you nodded and took a deep breath before giving voice to your next thought “What if he’s lying and using Sam and this bunker as a place to hide? I mean if Cas trusted him enough to say we should work with him why doesn’t he want Cas around?” Dean started to talk but was cut off by Sam calling both of your names.

He’d been doing some digging on the bikers that had been slaughtered. Turned out all the vics had been baptized together. A born again biker game and when Sam showed both of you the group photo of the bikers Dean spotted a patch on one of their jackets that read B.B. and underneath it spelled out was Boyle’s boys. “As in Buddy Boyle?” you asked. Sam clicked on another screen “Get this according to this guy’s wife he’d always been a religious man but a week before his death he’d come home from a bible meeting a changed man. Filled with divine glory” “So Boyle’s back at it? Just in smaller groups?” you questioned and Dean nodded “Smaller groups he makes sure it’s the angels Bartholomew wants getting in” “Well you always have said angels are dicks” you groaned at the thought of more innocent people getting slaughtered for Metatron’s actions.

------

With no other place to turn you and Dean decided to rope Kevin into hitting the lore again. Maybe just maybe Crowley had indeed lied.

Dean was on his laptop and you had four different books spread out in front of you while Kevin poured over the angel tablet. “There may be nothing in here. Crowley said the spell that cast down the angels was irreversible” “Since when do we believe that dick?” you replied not glancing up. You didn’t want to mention to Dean that Sam had left a while ago and had yet to return.

Kevin found one spot in the tablet and said it was nearly indecipherable as if when Metatron wrote it down he wanted it hidden from everyone,prophets included. There was another angel kill in Utah and had a connection to the last killing. “Rival angel gangs. Christ Kev, clock’s ticking honey”

------

You had just gotten through making Kevin lunch and he was headed back to the library when Dean walked into the kitchen “Sweetheart have you seen Sam?” you started to shake your head no but Kevin answered “He went out” “Where?” Dean questioned glancing back at you so you shrugged.

“I don’t know either. But have you two noticed he’s doing that a lot recently?” you had in fact noticed it and hoped you were wrong but something told you Ezekiel had grown tired of riding along and wanted to drive full time.”Yeah” Dean replied looking at you. That was enough to tell you he was thinking along the same line as you were. Dean’s phone started ringing so Kevin walked out the kitchen while Dean answered the call.

You glanced at him curiously and he mouthed “Cas” so you stopped cleaning to pay attention. “How do you know that?” then after a moment he asked “How?” You could feel your stomach knotting more and more with every moment “Where is he?” you whispered and he shrugged. “Wait you’re back? You got your mojo?” “He got his grace?” you whispered and Dean nodded then listened to what Cas was saying.

“What?...Yeah..Why?” Dean met your eyes when he said “What?” as soon as he hung up with Cas he grabbed your arm and nearly drug you behind him to the library “What’s going on Dean?” you asked but he shook his head knocking a chair out of your path as he stopped next to Kevin “I need a spell asap” Kevin sighed “Everyone always needs a spell and it’s always asap” you were clueless as to what was going on so you remained silent as Dean spoke “Look, an angel can’t be expelled by another human right? What if there was a way to power down the angel so that it wasn’t in charge for a few seconds?” “What?” you and Kevin both asked.

“Hypothetically if I wanted to speak with the vessel but not have the squatter listen in” you figured out that whatever Cas had to say wasn’t anything good. “Why?” Kevin pushed so you offered “If we have a way to power down angels we can save a lot of lives” “Find the spell now?” Kevin asked and Dean grabbed your arm again “Yesterday Kevin” then pulled you behind him down the hall.

------

You snatched away from him as soon as you were certain Kevin wouldn’t overhear “Ok baby you’re scaring me. What is going on?” he took a deep breath then said “Whoever is inside of Sam is not Ezekiel. He died in the fall” you ran your hand across your face forcing yourself to take a few deep breaths “What do we do?” “Hope Kevin finds a spell and hope it works”

“And if it doesn’t?” you asked knowing the answer even before Dean said “We may lose Sam”

------

It didn’t take Kevin long to find the sigils that were supposed to hobble an angel long enough to give the vessel control so him and Dean painted it on the wall in the store room while you stood near the entrance trying to keep an eye out for Sam. You could hear Kevin asking Dean what was really going on so you walked towards the sound of their voices “Just trust us Kev, ok?” you said and he looked between you and Dean then slowly nodded “I always trust you two and I always end up screwed” “Not always” you added with a slight smile.

Dean bumped your arm when he heard Sam come in from the garage entrance. You followed him into the kitchen where Sam was putting stuff away in the fridge “Where you been?” Dean asked so Sam turned with a half smile “Beer run” “That was a long beer run” you added as you followed Dean into the room noticing how he was placing himself between you and Sam. If he was that worried it spoke volumes.

“Can we talk?” Dean asked him so he nodded and shoved everything into the fridge “Yeah, sure”

------

Dean led the way to the storage room. He let Sam walk inside but kept you within arm’s reach. “This sounds serious,” Sam said and you saw when Dean sliced his palm and touched the sigil on the door. Sam turned at the sound of the sigil powering up “What’s going on?”

“We need to tell you some stuff fast” Dean said and you added “It’s gonna really piss you off” “Ok” Sam hesitantly responded. Dean unconsciously pushed you behind him as he spoke “Those trials really messed you up” “Yes I know that..” Sam started but Dean but him off “No. You don’t. I mean messed you up like almost dead. No more birthdays, dust to dust. So that messed me up and it messed Y/N up. So I made a move. A tough move about you without talking it over because you were in a coma” Sam looked from you to Dean “What? When?”

“You were in the hospital Sam. Dean called me when they said you weren’t going to make it” “What did you two do?” he asked. “I let an angel in” Dean answered. “In what?” Sam asked and you answered that time “In you”

“He said he could heal you and he is” you added quickly. You saw tears in Sam’s eyes when he asked “He’s still in me?” Dean nodded then Sam shook his head “That’s impossible. I never invited him in” “I tricked you into saying yes. It seemed like the only way” Dean clarified.

Sam took a shuddering breath “So,again. You thought I couldn’t handle something so you took over and got my best friend to lie to me too!” “He did what he had to do Sam” you weren’t trying to side with either of them but you also knew time was running short. “You never would’ve agreed to it and you would’ve died!” Dean added.

The argument continued between the two of them until you looked at Dean “Enough. Tell him the biggest problem” “Biggest problem?” Sam questioned so Dean nodded “The angel lied to us.He said his name was Ezekiel. Cool guy, according to Cas but it’s not Ezekiel” “Then who is he?” Sam asked and you shook your head “We don’t know”

“Ezekiel is dead and whoever this guy is can end you in a heartbeat so you have to dump him” Dean spoke and you could feel your hands shake slightly. Sam turned to walk past you both so Dean tried to stop him but when he got to the door he swung on Dean and the punch landed solidly knocking Dean out. “Sam!” you screamed and he shook his head at you “Check on him. Don’t follow me”

You went to your knees at Dean’s side “C’mon Dean, wake up god dammit” you shook him roughly and he groaned “Where’d he go?” as you helped him to his feet and explained what Sam had told you.

------

The two of you made it into the map room in enough time to see Ezekiel smite Kevin. “NO!” you screamed and felt Dean’s arm slide around your waist about the time Ezekiel or whoever he was threw the two of you back into a beam holding you there with his powers. Dean was taking the worst of it and using his own body to block yours.

“Sam?” you both called hoping but that hope was crushed when he said “There is no more Sam” You could feel a weight on your chest from the force of the angel’s powers and knew it was worse on Dean. “But I played him convincingly, I thought” The angel taunted.

You and Dean were both struggling to breathe but Dean managed to ask “How did you” the angel explained he heard the two of you talking with Kevin and had altered the sigil.

You watched helplessly while the angel wearing your best friend’s face packed the angel tablet into a backpack then said “Sorry about Kevin but ultimately it’s for the best.. I did what I had to” He laid a piece of paper with Kevin’s name on his chest then stood and walked out.

The moment his powers released you and Dean you crumpled to the floor but he caught you before you hit hard. You gasped for breath, clinging to Dean’s shirt. You slowly looked at Kevin and felt your heart rip into pieces. He was gone, his eyes burnt from the inside out. “Kevin?” Dean spoke softly, tears falling down his face as you cried into his chest.

------

Minutes passed as the two of you sat with the severity of the situation sinking deeper and deeper. In the span of moments you’d lost Kevin forever and if you couldn’t find some way to get the angel out of Sam there was a high chance of losing him as well.

“We can’t leave him laying there Y/N” Dean spoke slowly getting to his feet and pulling you with him. You slowly sniffling as you said “I’ll get some cloth, then I’ll help you gather the wood” You started to walk off but Dean grabbed your hand “Baby, I did this” you shook your head and squeezed his hand “No you didn’t” then pulled your hand away to go gather the cloth you’d need to wrap Kevin’s body in.

-------

When you walked back into the library Dean was kneeled next to Kevin and held up the sheet of paper the angel had left on his chest “This was a hit. Someone got him to kill the kid” you knew Dean well enough to know that when faced with any intense emotion most of the time he wrapped himself so deep in anger and self hatred no one could get through. You took the paper out of his hand and slipped it into the pocket of your jeans “We’ll find whoever caused this” he nodded then stood up “I’m gonna go get started on the pyre” he kissed your forehead then walked out. You took a deep breath then laid the cloths down on the floor as everything hit you again.

Kevin was a kid, hell he should’ve been enjoying college at his age not laying dead on the floor of a hidden bunker wrapped into the world he’d been dragged into. Sam, god Sam was locked inside his own head caused by the two people he trusted most in the world.

You started the process of wrapping Kevin’s body, your hands moving more on muscle memory than your own will. You’d done this one too many times. Whether friends, colleagues or family as with Lena. This life was a cruel one.

------

You’d just finished when Dean walked back in behind you. “I got him” he easily lifted Kevin up so you followed behind him soundlessly.

The two of you walked into the woods just beyond the bunker where there was a clearing. In the middle of the clearing Dean had built a suitable funeral pyre and gently laid Kevin’s lifeless form onto it. He didn’t say a word as he lit the pyre then stepped over next to you. As the flames flickered to life you felt a chill that had nothing to do with the coolness of the night.

Dean pulled you into his side as you both watched the flames claim yet another person that you had called as family.

------

The walk back to the bunker you could tell from how Dean was holding himself that he was barely holding it together. You didn’t try to reach out to him but when he reached out for your hand you slid it into his.

You followed him into the bunker which suddenly felt so much colder than it ever had then followed him into the library. He stopped and picked up Kevin’s phone off the table and you looked to see a photo of Kevin and Ms Tran as the background.

The sudden movement of Dean throwing the phone made you flinch. You stepped back watching while he finally broke, shoving all of Kevin’s note and the lore books into the floor then he threw the lamp across the room and finally bounced a chair off the same beam you and him had been held against. You were silent while he let it out then when he looked at you different emotions played across his face before he finally said “Y/N, you need to leave too”

“What?” you gasped and he motioned around “I got the kid killed, Sam’s been hijacked and we may not get him back. If..if something happened to you because of me? I can’t even think about that” You knew he pushed people away, it’s what he’d always done even to Sam at times so you shook your head “Dean I agreed to let Ezekiel or whoever possess Sam too or are you forgetting that? I’m in this dammit and I’m not leaving. I care too much about you and about Sam to walk away now. I’m not Dean like it or not I’m not leaving you” you could see the muscle in his jaw clench as you spoke then he said “Why? I’m poison”

“No, you’re not. We will get Sam back somehow” you stated letting every bit of anger you felt towards whoever was behind Kevin’s death and this angel hijacking Sam seep into the stubbornness in your voice. “What do you suggest we do then cause sweetheart I don’t know how to fix this” he waved his hand around as he spoke but you remained calm “Can we fix Kevin being killed? No. Can we get Sam back and evict that angelic asshole that’s inside of him? Yes. We call Cas, we gear up and we get on that son of a bitch’s trail”

“I’ll call Cas” he finally sighed and you nodded “I’m going to clean this up” and moved to pick up the books off the floor. He reached to help you but you shook your head “It’s ok Dean, I need to keep my hands busy and we can’t leave until Cas gets here so you go make the call” “I still don’t understand why you’re not heading for the hills but I’m glad you’re not” he confessed pressing a kiss to your cheek before walking out of the room.

Tags: @facadeformyrealblog @akshi8278

#spn fanfiction #supernatural fanfiction #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester x female!reader #always be yours #supernatural fic

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seven-oomen · 4 years ago

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If You Are Going Through Hell, Keep Going

These are the words that Marin Morrell – Druid, Emissary, Guidance Counselor – says to Stiles Stilinski in “Battlefield” (02x11) And I think they suit his character just perfectly, because Stiles has been going through Hell all his life.

The Teen Wolf Fandom don’t talk nearly enough about Stiles’ traumas, so I’ll try my best to do it myself *I won’t even remotely touch on the Void Stiles, Dark Stiles, Donovan and the Nogitsune trauma though, because it’s extremely complex and deserves its own Meta*

It’s Canon that Noah was an alcoholic (as Rafael pointed out to Stiles in 03x11 Alpha Pact), that he neglected and lashed out at his own child (Stiles’ memory in 02x09 Party Guessed), and that Stiles was verbally, emotionally, and physically abused by his mentally ill mother, Claudia, throughout his childhood (there’s a whole magnificently acted, heart wrenching scene about it with flashbacks and all in 05x06 Required Reading.) It’s Canon that Stiles had to take care of himself and of his father before AND after Claudia’s death. And it’s Canon that Stiles – who was only an eight years old child at the time – was at the hospital with his mother when she died, nobody else:

[Teen Wolf Season 3 Episode 11, Alpha Pact]

CHRIS: You knew… I remember meeting you once, before you were Sheriff. You questioned me about a body. You knew something was up. You just weren’t ready to believe it.

NOAH: You’re right. There was a night eight years ago… the night my wife died. I was at the end of a shift, and a call came in. There had been a pile-up, and a young woman… she was a teenager, actually. She was trapped under an overturned car. We had to wait for the paramedics. We were never getting her out, but I was able to hold her hand. She knew she was gonna die. But I just kept telling her “No, no, listen. The paramedics are on their way.” And then I remember her hand suddenly gripped mine so tightly that I literally thought she was gonna break the bones. And she looked me in the eyes, and she said “If you wanna be with her, go now.” And I knew she was talking about my wife… But then that other part of my brain — the part that looks for clues, for fingerprints, for logical connections… that part told me that there is no way that this girl could possibly know about Claudia. And so I stayed. I stayed until the paramedics pulled her out. Until her heart stopped beating and they declared her dead.

NOAH: When I finally got to the hospital, I saw Stiles sitting in the waiting room with his head in his hands… He was with Claudia when she died.

NOAH: But I wasn’t. I wasn’t with her because I didn’t believe… I just did not believe.

It’s also Canon that Derek Hale is a rape victim and that the hunters slaughtered Derek, Cora and Peter’s entire pack/family (including humans and children.) And it’s Canon that Stiles immediately sides with the Hales and openly confronts Chris about what Kate had done to the Hales in 01x12, Code Breaker:

CHRIS: Let me ask you a question, Stiles. Have you ever seen a rabid dog?

STILES: No. I could put it on my to-do list, if you just let me go.

CHRIS: Well, I have. And the only thing I’ve ever been able to compare it to is seeing a friend of mine turn on a full moon. Do you wanna know what happened?

STILES: Not really. No offense to your storytelling skills.

CHRIS: He tried to kill me, and I was forced to put a bullet in his head. The whole while that he lay there dying, he was still trying to claw his way toward me, still trying to kill me, like it was the most important thing he could do with his last breath. Can you imagine that?

STILES: No. And it sounds like you need to be a little bit more select—

CHRIS: Did Scott try to kill you on the full moon? Did you have to lock him up?

STILES: Yeah, I did. I had to handcuff him to a radiator. Why? Would you prefer I locked him in the basement and burned the whole house down around him?

CHRIS: I hate to dispel a popular rumor, Stiles, but we never did that.

STILES: Oh, right. Derek said you guys had a code. I guess no one ever breaks it.

CHRIS: Never!

STILES: What if someone does?

CHRIS: Someone like who?

STILES: Your sister.

Unlike self-proclaimed hero and ruler of Beacon Hills Scott McCall, who immediately sides with the Argents and tells Derek Hale that his family deserved to be burnt alive by the hunters in front of his comatose uncle………..

-----

I feel like there is a lot to unpack on Stiles’s trauma. And I will go over these moments one by one, why they’re damaging, what I think the context of the scene is supposed to represent ft how people might take it. And what my personal thoughts are regarding Stiles’s trauma.

First of, I would like to say that the following words are my take on this. I am a 29 year old trans man of caucasian descend who is an domestic violence and abuse survivor. I am diagnosed with ADHD since 12 and diagnosed with CPTSD since this year. I understand trauma and I understand what it does to people. But I am not a professional. I am a fan, who’s responding to the submission of another, anonymous, fan.

You are completely free to have your own takes on this matter and your own headcanons. That’s what fandom is for.

That said, I would love to have a discussion if you can have it peacefully.

Stiles is a character who was (Unwillingly) neglected, emotionally traumatized and both emotionally and verbally abused by both of his parents. There is even evidence of physical abuse by his mother.

I think it does need to be said, that neither of his parents intended for this to happen. What happened in the Stilinski family was by and large a very traumatic event for everyone involved.

Noah is an alcoholic, as Stiles also confirms in the episode that Noah never really stopped drinking. His alcoholism is a result of his own traumas and possible ND mind and an unhealthy coping mechanism.

As a result of this, Noah most likely was verbally and emotionally abusive during his drunken tirades.

I personally think that before Claudia was diagnosed and got sick Stiles had a good childhood. His parents tried their best to be good parents for him and laid a good foundation for him. This is evidenced in the bond Stiles seems to have with his father in general. He’s not afraid of his father, he’s nervous about consequences. But he never gives off a vibe to me that truly says; I fear this man and I have to stay in line to stay alive.

Unlike Isaac and his father.

This also tells me, that unlike Elias Stilinski, Noah never lashed out physically at Stiles. He was trying to break a cycle of abuse but more than likely still fell victim to it himself when he could no longer cope with trauma and his neurodivergency and started drinking.

That doesn’t mean that he’s not guilty of abusing his own son. We know Noah can be neglectful and dismissive towards Stiles (even though he tries his best not to be) and has a tendency to low key insult Stiles from time to time. Whether or not he truly means to or not is up for debate, I personally think he doesn’t mean to do it, but Stiles is clearly heartbroken every time Noah accidentally lashes out.

As evidenced by sentences: “I’ve never believed a word he said since he was born.” “Thank you, son I should have had.” (To Scott)

Stiles already has a deep founded fear that he’s not enough, that he killed his own mother, that he’s not believed by the people around him, and that people don’t want to take him seriously.

This is clear in every interaction he has with the people around him.

Which also brings me to what happened in 2x09. Now based on the context clues of that scene, I actually don’t believe Stiles saw a play-by-play memory. But rather, Stiles saw his greatest fear play out in a hallucination.

Why do I believe that?

Because in the same scene, Allison has a hallucination about becoming her own worst nightmare (a huntress like Kate) and Scott sees a hallucination of Allison and Jackson making out. (Aka, losing Allison.)

I think the scene both has fabrications and truths in it. The truth is that more than likely, Stiles saw his father getting drunk at his mother’s funeral and lashing out at people around him in his drunken stupor. (Which on one hand, one can understand if you take the pain and trauma into account, but it’s not a healthy or an okay thing to do, obviously. This is definitely where Noah fell apart.)

I also like to think one of the other adults put a stop to Noah’s behavior before he could get out of hand. But we never really see her funeral play out, so that is speculation.

The fabrication is the scene that follows. We know that Claudia was the one that actually said the words to Stiles. “You’re killing me, he’s killing me.”

And that Noah was the voice of reason in that scene. “No, he’s not. You’re sick, let’s go back inside.” (Or something along those lines. I can’t remember the exact words.)

What I think is more than likely is that Stiles’s greatest fear is that his father actually believes he killed his mother. As that is what his mother said to him before she died. And so that’s what he hallucinated under the influence of the wolfsbane.

Stiles’s greatest fear is losing both of his parents, no matter in what way that is. He also fears that he failed as a son, and failed to take care of his father. All of this is fueled by losing his mother and watching her die at a very young age.

And that is where Stiles’s trauma truly lies. He watched his mother die (at the age of 10) slowly while she lost her mind to a terrible illness.

His father couldn’t handle losing his wife and not being able to help her and the previous traumas he endured in his own childhood. And Stiles had to step up to take care of him. That changes a child and leaves a mark. A mark that Stiles can’t shake.

We know Noah neglected Stiles by not being able to care for him as he should have, we know Noah tends to think Stiles has wild conspiracy theories and tends not to believe him.

Which traumatized Stiles even though Noah didn’t intend for that to happen. That doesn’t mean that Stiles’s trauma isn’t real though. It’s very real. This is also the reason why he immediately chooses Derek’s side in 1x12.

For Stiles, not being believed is a daily reality and he doesn’t want anyone else to go through that as well. Which is why he chooses Derek’s side. Because Stiles, due to his own trauma, is hard-wired to believe the victim and tends to defend them.

Now I think a lot of people take a lot of Stiles’s scenes literal because they identify with what’s happening on screen. Because Stiles isn’t being believed by the other characters, the audience tends to take his perspective at face value. Even in situations where it’s made clear that Stiles, like other characters, is hallucinating at the time.

And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, but I do think it’s something to consider.

Tagging a few people who might want to add a thought or two to this.

@mostly-vo1d @artemisa97 @msmischief101

#stiles stilinski #teen wolf #teen wolf meta #trauma #ptsd discussion #submission

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teenwolffanclub-me · 4 years ago

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Season 1, Episode 12: Code Breaker

Hey there beautiful reader! If you’re new here, this is a series I’m writing where each chapter is an episode from the first season of Teen Wolf. If you’ve been here before, hey! I missed you! Previous and future chapters are linked at the end of each part if you want to catch up.

Pairing: Stiles x Psychic! Reader

Warnings: two very justified character deaths

Notes: I feel like I blacked out and now we’re somehow on the last episode. Not sure how that happened so fast but here we are. Just prepare yourself bc this one is entirely too long but I didn’t want to do two parts 🤷‍♀️

Does anyone want me to continue with Season 2? Please let me know bc I won’t do it unless people are actually interested.

I also wanted to give a shoutout to everyone who has sent me nice comments and showed love on this series. It’s meant the absolute world to me!

Okay now let’s get some closure!

————————

I walked through the hallways of the high school, using every ounce of willpower I could muster to keep my eyes firmly planted in front of me.

The pressure of dozens of curious stares weighed on my back as I made my way toward the lockers briskly. From the moment I walked through the doors a few minutes ago, all eyes had been on me. I squared my shoulders and forced my head to remain up high.

If people wanted to gossip, they could go right ahead.

My pace quickened as I heard the unmistakable sound of judgmental whispering behind me. I pinched my eyes shut tightly and tried my best to block out the irritating noise. I just wanted to get my books and go to class. At least there, I would see Scott, Stiles, and Allison.

Once I reached my locker, I shakily dialed in my code and popped the small metal door open. I instantly stumbled back, my eyes going wide as a shit ton of dirt came spilling out. I stood still for a few seconds, blinking slowly as I tried figuring out what the hell just happened.

With a frown, I wiped my hands against my jeans, which were now covered in the stuff. My eyes flickered down toward the pile of soil on the tiles in front of my feet, my brows furrowing in confusion.

How the hell did that much dirt get into my locker? How did any dirt get into my locker?

I glanced around the hall slowly, anxious to see my classmates reactions. I was already the weird girl after everything at the dance. I didn’t want to be the even weirder girl who keeps dirt in the locker.

A surprised breath left my lips as I saw that the halls were now completely empty. I turned all the way around, peering in both directions, but there wasn’t a single soul here with me. My head started pounding and I winced at the unexpected sensation before rubbing at my temples gently.

I swiveled back toward my locker, wanting nothing more than for this day to be over. Maybe everyone was right. Maybe I wasn’t ready for this yet. I instantly froze at the sight of a single purple flower sitting in the middle of the dirt pile. I was almost certain it hadn’t been there a moment before.

My heartbeat thrummed loudly in my ears as I reached a trembling hand inside the small space. I tentatively plucked the plant, which I easily recognized as wolfsbane, out of the soil. My eyes flickered around the purple leaves and long, green stem as my confusion only grew.

Just then, an ear piercing scream echoed through the halls. I whipped around, instantly going rigid when I saw that I was no longer in the school, but standing in the middle of the lacrosse field.

I glanced around the empty stadium, trying to figure out what the hell was going on. Did I suddenly develop the ability to teleport? Or was I losing my damn mind? My eyes trailed downward as I felt cool air brush against my legs. My breath hitched as I saw that I was wearing my formal dress. The navy fabric was covered in blood and dirt, the strap on my left shoulder torn to shreds.

A bolt of fear licked up my spine as I heard rustling directly in front of me. My gaze slowly swept upward before landing on a pair of glowing red eyes that were illuminated in the shadowy distance. My eyes pinched shut as terror coursed through me when they started moving closer.

“It’s not real.” The mantra was a shaky whisper as my body trembled. “It’s not real. It’s not—”

Just then, my eyes jerked open on their own accord. I bolted upright with a harsh gasp, my throat constricting painfully as I sputtered and coughed a few times. One of my hands came up to clutch at my chest as I tried desperately to catch my breath.

Only a split second passed before Stiles flailed into a sitting position beside me. He whipped his head from side to side with wide eyes, as if searching for the cause of my panic. Once his attention landed back on me, he instantly pulled me into his chest and began murmuring lowly.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay.” One of his hands rubbed at my back while the other cradled my head against him.

“Lydia...” I gasped, my breath coming out in quick, trembling spurts. The dream had been some sort of vision or clue...it just had to be.

“Lydia’s alright, okay? They’re gonna find her.” Stiles’ fingers threaded through my hair and massaged my scalp soothingly.

“What? What is it? What happened?” Scott’s head suddenly popped up at the foot of my bed, his hair so messy it looked like he’d been hurled through a tornado.

“Another nightmare.” I breathed, feeling my heartrate dropping back down to normal as Stiles’ hands continued rubbing against me gently.

Scott sighed from the floor, his shoulders sagging in relief. One of his hands came up to massage the back of his neck and he grimaced uncomfortably. “Cool. Is it my turn on the bed yet?”

“You can curl up down here if you want, like a good puppy.” Stiles smirked at his own joke as one of his hands left me to point toward our feet.

“Scott, just go sleep in your own bed. It’s literally right there.” I gestured to my window, which faced his, and slowly pulled away from Stiles.

As much as I would love to stay in his arms forever, I had to learn to get ahold of myself on my own. They couldn’t keep babying me. Both of them had done nothing but obsess over my health from the moment I was discharged out of the hospital two days ago.

Scott had refused to leave my side since I’d gotten home, other than the brief moments he made appearances in his own house so that his mom knew he was still alive. He insisted it was to keep an eye on me, and that was partially true, but he was also basically in hiding right now.

Jackson, being the wonderful friend that he is, somehow found the time to tell Mr. Argent that Scott is the beta they’ve been looking for, kindly adding on to our reasons-life-is-currently-terrible list.

“And let you guys have all the fun without me?” Scott mumbled sarcastically and leaned back to lay on the pillow and blanket I’d set up for him on the hardwood floor.

This had been our routine for two days. Mom banned me from having any visitors while I recover, but that hadn’t stopped Scott from staying or Stiles from sneaking in after school. Each night, I could barely make it through a few hours of sleep at a time before jerking awake from yet another nightmare. Or maybe they were visions. I honestly had no idea.

My days had also been...weird, to say the least. Most of the time, it was hard to tell whether or not I was awake. My sense of reality was seriously fucked up. I was having almost constant visions and dreams, and they never made any sense. It felt like my subconscious was trying to tell me something, but in another language I had yet to learn.

Lydia was still missing, and I was beyond worried sick. Sheriff Stilinski and the entire police department had searched every square inch of Beacon Hills over the course of the last two days, and hadn’t found a single trace of her.

Aside from that shitshow, I also hadn’t spoken to Allison since the last time I’d seen her at the dance. No one had, actually.

Scott—when he wasn’t fawning over me—was losing his mind because apparently while I was being a dumbass and getting myself bitten, Mr. Argent somehow made him shift in front of Allison. Then, he shipped her and Kate off to an undisclosed location until further notice.

I’d sent her a few texts since being home, but she only responded once. The words had replayed in my mind over and over for several hours after reading them as I tried figuring out an acceptable response.

You knew the whole time, didn’t you?

I eventually decided not to answer at all. What could I say? I’d kept something huge from her, although it was never really my secret to tell anyway. She had every right to be pissed off. I wanted to address it in person and, honestly, didn’t have the mental capacity to worry much about it right now.

I blinked a few times, feeling myself come back from my dazed thoughts as Scott and Stiles’ voices fluttered back to my ears. I’d been doing that a lot, too. Getting lost in my mind for several minutes at a time, if not longer. I felt a curious gaze on my face and took in a slow, deep breath before lifting my head to meet Stiles’ eyes.

My heart clenched uncomfortably in my chest at the look he was giving me. It was the same expression that had been etched into his face ever since I’d woken up in the hospital. It was like he was afraid I would try to kill him at any given moment, while simultaneously worrying that I’d suffer a mental break or croak on the spot.

I heard the rumbling sound of snoring from the floor and knew that Scott was already out cold again.

“I’m sorry I woke you.” I sighed, suddenly feeling exhausted. I glanced at the alarm clock on my bedside table, noting with a regretful wince that it was three in the morning. He had school in only a few hours.

Stiles’ eyes inspected me tenderly, rounding with concern as he reached out to tuck a stray clump of hair behind my ear gently. “I wasn’t sleeping. You stole my pillow, so...”

I couldn’t help but chuckle at that. He apparently couldn’t sleep without the thing and had brought it with him each night. It was quite possibly the most adorable thing ever.

“I’m still sorry.” My voice was barely above a whisper as I looked down toward my lap and fidgeted with my fingers.

Ever since I was bitten I’d felt...different. Like a burden. Out of control. It was as if my mind was warring with itself all day, every day. I had a constant nagging fear that I was forgetting something important. It was like it was on the tip of my tongue, but I just couldn’t remember.

Stiles leaned toward me slowly and cupped my cheek before placing a gentle kiss on my forehead. His fingers trailed down to brush against the side of my neck before tangling in the hair at the base of my skull. His free hand came up to the other side of my head and he pulled it down against his chest. My eyes fluttered shut as a sigh left my lips.

A sense of peace always washed over me when he was near. Despite everything going on, all it took was a small touch to quiet my racing mind. I felt myself relaxing, if only slightly, in his arms. A moment later, I leaned back to look at him again, my stomach fluttering at the intense gleam of worry shining in his caramel eyes.

“There’s something wrong with me, isn’t there?” My voice broke and I furrowed my brows as traitorous tears filled my eyes. I didn’t want to cry. I didn’t want to feel sorry for myself. I wanted to get better.

Stiles glanced fleetingly at the place where Peter had bitten me, but jerked his attention back to my face quickly, probably hoping I hadn’t noticed. “Whatever it is...we’ll figure it out.”

Somehow, his response wasn’t all that comforting. I didn’t doubt for a second that he’d be there for me every step of the way as I went through whatever this was. I’d watched how he helped Scott during the early stages of his transformation, and it was admirable. But I didn’t want there to be anything wrong. I didn’t want there to be anything different about me.

I just wanted to be normal.

“C’mere...” Stiles opened his arms and I couldn’t help but instantly fall into them.

He pulled me tight against him and leaned back, snagging his pillow from my side of the bed on the way down. My eyes fluttered shut as I laid there on top of him, my legs between his and my head resting above his heart.

I listened to the steady rhythm of his pulse, feeling it lull me to sleep within seconds.

————————

I leaned back against my headboard, adjusting the book that rested atop my knees. My bottom lip was tucked between my teeth anxiously as I flipped another page. I narrowed my eyes as they swept over the words, urging my mind to comprehend them. I just couldn’t. I was way too distracted.

My eyes flickered up to find Scott lounging in my desk chair across the room. He was playing some game on his phone and it was making this annoying boing sound every few seconds. It was starting to drive me crazy, but it wasn’t the only thing causing my jitters.

I glanced away from him to look out my open window and sighed heavily. It was already dark outside, and Stiles wasn’t here yet.

It wasn’t usually like me to jump to conclusions, but considering the state of our lives right now, it wasn’t a stretch to be worried. At this point, though, I was moving toward a full on panic attack. School ended six hours ago. What could he possibly be doing?

I opened my mouth to voice my concern, but never got a chance as Scott interrupted me before I could get even a single word out.

“He’s fine.” He said absently, his eyes never leaving his phone’s screen.

My eyebrows twitched up in surprise. “How did you know...”

“I can hear your heart racing.” He sighed and finally dropped his phone onto my desk before lifting his eyes to meet mine. “You either just ran a marathon, or you’re worried about something. That something is usually Stiles. And he’s fine.”

I rolled my lips into a tight line at the way he’d just read me so easily. “But it’s already—”

Just then, something thumped outside my window loudly. I stiffened at the sound, and Scott perked up in his chair, instantly on high alert. There was a low groan before a figure clambered through the opening. I instantly knew it was Stiles as I caught sight of his red flannel. He flailed to the floor spastically with a yelp and I slammed my book closed before bolting to my feet.

I rushed to his side, my arms wrapping around him as he struggled to get up. His chest heaved with ragged breaths as if he’d run the whole way here.

“Where were you? Are you okay? What happened?” I couldn’t stop the panicked words from tumbling past my lips.

My eyes trailed over him quickly to assess for any damage. His freckled cheeks were flushed and the top three buttons on his flannel were undone, exposing his white undershirt. He looked a little roughed up, but not hurt.

He finally stood up straight and his eyes widened when they met mine, as if only just then realizing that I was beside him. He gripped my upper arms sternly before walking me backward.

“What are you doing? Get back in bed.” I had no choice but to plop down onto the mattress as the back of my knees ran right into it.

“Don’t change the subject, Stilinski.” I frowned up at him and his eyes twitched in warning.

“Oh, God. Please don’t make me listen to another who’s more worried about who fight. I might seriously puke this time.” Scott practically threw himself onto the bed beside me, a look of feigned disgust taking over his face.

My eyes swept toward him and narrowed into a glare only briefly, as my attention moved back to Stiles when he started talking again.

“Moving on.” He sent a pointed look Scott’s way before continuing, his hands gesturing quickly in front of him. He was anxious, that much was obvious. “I had a uh...talk with Chris—”

“Who?” I interrupted, thrown off by the unfamiliar name.

Stiles’ eyes twitched at me in annoyance as he flailed one of his arms in a circle, signaling that we didn’t have much time. “Argent.”

“You call Allison’s dad Chris?” My voice rose in disbelief. Since when was that a thing?

“Oh my God. This is important, okay? He tried to get me and Jackson to tell him where Scott is and—”

Scott sprang upright on the bed, his eyes wide with alarm. “Why were you with Jackson?”

“Can I just finish? Is that alright with you two?” Stiles’ voice rose in frustration, his eyes pinching shut for a brief moment after he shouted.

Both Scott and I froze and he sighed before running a hand down his face. His gaze flickered to Scott as he extended a hand out apprehensively. “He’s literally planning to kill you. Tonight. Okay? So you can’t—”

Scott suddenly rose to his feet, his face tight with determination. “I need to find Derek.”

Stiles’ fingers curled into a fist, still hanging in the air, as he pursed his lips when Scott brushed past him. “Why do we keep going back to him? He’s like your abusive ex, okay? You have a problem. And did you miss the part where I just said you could be murdered by werewolf hunters at any given moment?”

“If the Argents are after me, he’s the only one who can help.” Scott braced his hands against my windowsill and turned to glare at Stiles over his shoulder.

Before either of us could ask him what he was doing, he doubled over with a low groan. I realized he was shifting and tentatively slid back on my mattress, not sure what was going on. I knew he would never hurt me, but I hadn’t seen anything supernatural since being bitten. It instantly had me on edge.

Then, he jerked upright and howled loudly into the dark sky.

I winced at the deep, rumbling sound, feeling a painful twinge in my head. One of my hands came up to cradle my temple as my lips parted in a silent gasp. The noise was vibrating all the way in my bones, overwhelming every one of my senses. I felt myself slipping away from the present, my eyes wide but unfocused. I faintly registered an arm wrapping around my back as Stiles rushed to kneel in front of me.

His free hand cupped my face, his lips moving rapidly as he tried to bring me back. I suddenly had the strong urge to close my eyes, so I let them flutter down slowly. Instantly, my breath caught as an image of Derek’s house popped into my mind. There were way too many things happening to decipher any of it. My brows furrowed as I tried making sense of what I was seeing.

The clearest picture was the most gruesome. Blood. Everywhere.

A painful spasm in my left shoulder had my eyes jerking open. They met Stiles’ wide, panicked gaze as he hovered only a few inches away from me. With a snap, his and Scott’s voices rushed into my ears.

“What the hell did you do to her?” Stiles practically yelled, his voice tight with anxiety and a hint of anger. His hands were clutching my arms as he jostled me awake.

Scott appeared at his side above me, his face crumbled in horror. “I-I didn’t do anything! I didn’t mean to...”

“I think I know where to find him.” I interrupted breathily, blinking a few times to focus my eyes. I sat up with a groan, my head pounding harshly. Stiles tightened his grip on me as he tried to keep me steady. “His house. I saw it.”

Scott’s face dropped from beside me, his brows furrowing as his lips pulled into a frown. “So did I.”

We shared a long, curious glance. I had no idea what that meant, and judging by the glint of wonder reflecting in his eyes, neither did he.

“So we’re just not gonna talk about whatever that was?” Stiles asked incredulously. He e took a step away from me and shrugged sarcastically with a tilt of his head.

“We don’t have time.” I pushed myself up to my feet and strode toward my closet hurriedly.

It was freezing outside by now, and I wanted to be prepared for once. I rustled through my sweaters until I found one I didn’t mind ruining. My shoulder protested each movement as I wrestled it over my head, but I tried my best to ignore it. I turned on my heel to face the guys and froze at the looks they were giving me.

Scott seemed hesitant, but didn’t look like he was going to argue, while Stiles was very much unimpressed.

“That’s funny.” He laughed humorlessly and pointed at me. “It looks like you think you’re going somewhere.”

I frowned at his demanding tone. “I’m sorry, are you my mother? No? Okay. That’s what I thought.”

I brushed past him to find a pair of socks in my dresser. If he thought he was going to start telling me what to do just because we’re dating, he had another thing coming. My eyes flickered up to meet his in the mirror as I heard rustling behind me.

“You can’t seriously—” His mouth opened and closed a few times as he tried to find the right words. I pulled out a mismatched pair of socks and turned to lean against the dresser as I slid them on. “Scott, tell her how stupid this is.”

“Hell no. I’m not getting involved.” He glanced between us with wide eyes, lifting his hands in surrender.

“If we don’t go now, Derek is going to die.” I forced the words out through clenched teeth, growing impatient. Somehow, I knew that’s the future we were up against, despite not having actually seen it happen. I just knew.

“Since when do we care about that?” Stiles swiveled his head as his eyebrows rose in question.

Scott stepped forward, suddenly looking pensive. “I’m not going to just let him die.”

“I’m the only sane one left...” Stiles muttered to himself, throwing his hands up in exasperation.

After several more minutes of pointless arguing, a very disgruntled Stiles finally agreed to drive us to Derek’s. The three of us had barely made it a few steps outside the Jeep before he came barreling from the house, looking unpleasant as ever.

“What the hell are you doing? None of you should be here right now.” His angry voice echoed through the trees as he continued stalking forward until he stood right in front of us.

“Finally, someone’s making—oh my God!” Stiles didn’t have a chance to finish his thought as an arrow came out of nowhere and embedded itself into Derek’s shoulder.

My eyes widened in shock and I whipped around just as another arrow came from the trees to land in his thigh. He crumpled to the ground with a groan, clutching at his injuries.

“Close your eyes!” He shouted and tucked his face into his elbow.

Long fingers clasped around my bicep and I was jerked to the side before another hand shoved my head into a warm chest. I screwed my eyes shut tightly, a quiet boom sounding beside us. Stiles and I separated quickly to see what it was, but my eyes landed on Scott instead.

He was crouched down on all fours, blinking rapidly. He hadn’t been fast enough. He squinted into the distance and I followed his line of sight, but came up empty.

Derek grunted lowly as he broke off the shafts of each arrow that still lay inside him. He stumbled to his feet and grabbed Scott by the collar of his jacket. “Get to the house!”

Stiles and I didn’t hesitate to obey as we bolted in that direction, our hands tangled together. We only made it about halfway before Derek slumped to the ground behind us, exhausted. I staggered to a halt at the sound and nearly lost my balance when Stiles continued moving.

His eyes flickered from me to the place where Scott and Derek lay crumpled on the ground in a moment of hesitation. With a grimace, he let me go and we both jogged their way.

“No! Go!” Derek’s head popped up and he tried waving us off, but it was too late.

I froze, partially crouched beside him, as a thin figure emerged from the darkness. She was stomping toward us with a huge bow slung over her shoulder. The dim light from Derek’s porch illuminated her face as she neared us, and my breath caught in my throat. It was the last person I expected to see.

“Allison, I can explain—” Scott immediately stammered desperately, still trying to get his bearings after being stunned by the flash bullet. I realized at then that it was the same type she’d tried out with me and Lydia the week before formal.

“Stop lying.” She barked, her voice tight with built up anger. Her eyes flickered up to meet mine, my chest tightening at the intense betrayal swirling inside them. “All of you, for once, stop lying.”

“I was gonna tell you the truth. I was gonna tell you everything at the formal.” Scott rushed the words out in a panic as he shuffled backward to match each step she took toward him. “Everything that I said...everything I did...”

“Was to protect me.” She finished with a humorless scoff, fingers tightening around the arrow she held at her side.

“Yes.” He instantly confirmed, pleading with her to understand.

I knew exactly how she felt. Being kept in the dark sucked, no matter which way it was spun. Maybe she had been safer this whole time because she didn’t know. Or maybe all his secret did was create an irreparable wedge between them. She was bound to find out eventually, considering who her family was, and this whole mess was probably the worst way it could’ve happened.

Allison’s eyes glistened as she peered down at him, her hardened mask of hatred cracking just slightly. Her voice trembled as a few tears escaped down her cheeks. “I don’t believe you.”

“Thank God!” I jumped at the sudden voice from the darkness, and watched as Kate stalked out of the tree line with a roll of her eyes. “Now shoot him before I have to shoot myself.”

My heart leapt into my throat at her words. With Scott dazed and Derek seriously injured, there wasn’t much we could do to stop her from killing either one of them. The reality of our situation hit me like a ton of bricks. Stiles and I were utterly useless.

“Y-you said we were just going to catch them.” Allison sputtered, head jerking toward her aunt in surprise.

“Yeah, and we did that. Now we’re going to kill them.” Kate raised an arm absently and shot a bullet right into Derek’s chest as she passed by, not even sparing him a glance. “See? Not that hard.”

I gasped at the unexpected act of violence, my jaw going slack. He instantly fell against the damp ground, motionless.

Holy shit. Oh my God. Is he actually dead?

Allison’s horrified expression matched mine, more tears coating her face as she stared at Derek’s lifeless body. She stiffened when her aunt joined her in front of Scott, who was still gaping from his crouched position.

“Oh no, not that look.” Kate mused, not sounding the least bit genuine. “That’s the you’re going to have to do it yourself look.”

She raised her gun toward Scott’s chest, a manic grin pulling at her lips. I moved without thinking, taking a big step in their direction. Allison instantly started freaking out and tried to put herself between them, but Kate shoved her away harshly.

She tumbled to the ground just as a hand clasped around my wrist to stop me. I yanked against it, my chest tightening with panic. I had to get over there. I had to help.

“Y/N! Y/N, stop!” Stiles yelled frantically from behind me, his hold falling loose as I continued struggling against him.

I ran forward and staggered to a halt beside Kate, who was still pointing the gun at Scott, having no idea what to do now that I was here. She glanced toward me and sighed with a disinterested roll of her eyes. Before I even fully registered that she moved, I was already on the ground. She’d whipped the gun against the side of my face harshly, white hot pain instantly rippling through my head.

“No!” I heard Allison shout in horror.

A groan trembled past my lips as I shakily pulled myself up onto my elbows. My vision blurred as Scott jerked upright, about to rush to my side before Kate aimed the gun at his chest again. He froze, his wide eyes never leaving me. I brought a hand up to my temple and hissed when my fingers landed on a warm trickle of blood.

“Ah, ah...” Kate tutted, amusement shining in her eyes as she glanced behind me, gun following the movement.

I turned my head and saw Stiles freeze mid-sprint toward me. His eyes narrowed into an angry glare as his jaw clenched tightly, but he didn’t move an inch. I let out a huff, growing frustrated by this whole stupid situation, and swept my gaze back to Kate.

“Just shoot someone already.” I barked, annoyed with her games.

Was it stupid to taunt the person with the weapon? Yes. Did I give a fuck? No. At this point, I was more angry than anything. We’d spent months fighting and tracking the alpha—Peter—as he went on a bloodthirsty rampage through Beacon Hills. We’d nearly died in the school, and at the movie store, and in these very woods. Several times.

Lydia and I had been bitten, and Stiles’ dad was close to a nervous breakdown because nothing in this town makes any goddamn sense unless you’re risking your life everyday just by knowing about the supernatural. And now, we had to deal with Allison’s batshit crazy family, on top of everything.

I just wanted it to be over.

Kate huffed out a surprised laugh and pointed the gun at me again. “What poetic last words.”

“No! Leave her alone! I’m the one you want.” Scott shouted desperately, stumbling upright from his position in the dirt.

An evil smirk twitched at her lips as she ignored him. I watched her pointer finger tighten on the trigger and held my breath as I waited for the inevitable.

“Kate!” A deep voice boomed from behind me, making her pause. I instantly recognized that it was Allison’s dad. “I know what you did.”

The amusement dropped from her face at his words and her eyes flickered up toward the house for a brief moment.

“Put the gun down.” Mr. Argent ordered, dried leaves crunching beneath his shoes as he walked toward us.

“I did what I was told to do.” Kate jutted her hand toward me as she enunciated each word curtly.

I stiffened, very aware that her finger, which still rested against the gun’s trigger, could set it off at any moment. My pulse hammered in my ears loudly and my entire body began trembling as my fear suddenly caught up with me.

“No one asked you to murder innocent people. There were children in that house.”

My mind raced as I slowly pieced together what he was saying. The fire. It was Kate. But why? Why would she murder an entire family?

“Ones that were human. Look what you’re doing now, you’re holding a gun at sixteen year old kids. No proof they’ve spilled human blood.” He continued, his voice harsh and unfeeling. “Now, put the gun down...before I put you down.”

My eyes widened at his threat. Would he really kill his own sister?

Kate stared at him for a few long moments, her face crumbling in disbelief. Finally, she lowered her arm back down to her side. I let out a heavy breath of relief, but didn’t move from my crouched position in front of her. A loud creak from the house had everyone’s attention jerking toward it.

The front door swung open slowly, nothing but darkness behind it.

“Kids, get back.” Allison’s dad ordered gruffly as he cocked his gun and aimed it at the decrepit structure.

Scott stumbled to his feet, but didn’t make a move to run and hide as instructed. Allison joined his side a moment later, her bow and arrow cocked and aimed at the house. I heard quick steps behind me a moment before strong arms wrapped around my waist and hauled me to my feet.

Stiles whipped me around to face him, and I winced as my head throbbed in protest. His hands came up to cradle the sides of my face, his fingers turning red as my blood smeared onto his skin. His wide eyes flickered around my body frantically, as if not fully believing that I was right here in front of him.

He suddenly jerked me toward him and smashed his lips against mine, pouring every emotion he’d just gone through into the kiss. I responded instantly, my hands fisting the warm material of his flannel as I pulled him closer. It was over much too soon as he pulled back with a shaky breath of relief.

“God, I’m so mad at you right now. I could literally kill you.” His eyes twitched as he continued inspecting me for any hidden injuries.

“Wouldn’t that be a little counterproductive?” I chuckled despite the situation, and he just glared at me.

“What is it?” My attention jerked back to Allison at the sound of her panicked voice. I’d nearly forgotten what was going on outside the peaceful bubble that was Stiles.

I turned back toward the house and saw Scott’s eyes flash bright yellow as he peered through the opened front door. “It’s the alpha.”

At his declaration, a huge black mass raced out of the house, moving impossibly fast. It dashed around the area in a big circle before turning abruptly and knocking Mr. Argent right off his feet. He flew into the air before landing heavily, instantly passing out cold as his head slammed against the dirt.

Allison cried out and made a move to help him, but quickly found herself in no better shape as the alpha rammed into her next. Only a second later, Scott was groaning as he lay in a heap beside her on the leaf covered ground. My heart slammed against my ribs painfully as my head whipped from side to side, trying to see where he was now.

All the air rushed from my lungs as a powerful force shoved against mine and Stiles’ sides. His arms instantly wrapped around my waist, and mine around his shoulders. We held onto each other tightly as we flew several feet through the air. At the last second, Stiles shifted us so that he would take the brunt of the fall. He hissed in pain as his back slammed onto the dirt, and I quickly scrambled to get off of him.

“Come on!” Kate’s angry voice echoed through the trees as she jerked her gun around in a circle. She was the only one left standing.

I wrapped an arm around Stiles and helped him sit up. He waved me off, muttering something about being fine, and I huffed in annoyance. At this point I was convinced that he was physically unable to help himself from downplaying his own struggles.

I was about to argue with him, but froze when Peter emerged from the darkness to stand threatening behind Kate. He snatched the arm that held her gun and wrenched it behind her with ease. She grunted in pain as he twisted it with a snap, two shots firing into the sky as they struggled.

She had no choice but to release the gun. It landed on the ground with a dull thud as he gripped her by the throat and tossed her in the air like a ragdoll. She crashed onto the porch, a cloud of dust rising all around her as she shakily pushed herself up.

Peter wasted no time in striding up the broken steps. He bent down and grabbed Kate violently before pressing her back to his chest, holding her in place with his claws at her neck.

“No!” Allison suddenly shouted and sprinted toward them.

My eyes widened in horror. What the hell did she think she was doing? I made a move to follow her, but Stiles wrapped both arms around my waist tightly. I pulled against him for a few seconds, but stopped when Peter’s voice echoed toward us.

“She is beautiful, Kate. She looks like you, only not as damaged. So I’m going to give you a chance to save her.” My breath hitched as he addressed Allison and I started thrashing against Stiles again. I couldn’t let her get hurt. I couldn’t let anyone else I care about become one of his victims. “Apologize. Say you’re sorry for decimating my family, for leaving me burned and broken for six years. Say it, and I’ll let her live.”

A tense moment of silence passed as Kate seemed to weigh her options. Finally, she choked the words out the best she could. “I’m...sorry.”

A small, satisfied smile tugged at Peter’s lips before he ripped her throat out with his claws. My jaw dropped as blood splattered across every nearby surface, my stomach churning at the violence of it all. Allison screamed, practically doubling over in horror as Kate crumpled to the porch with wide, empty eyes. Peter’s shoulders sagged as he let out a long sigh, a look of relief washing over him.

“I don’t know about you, Allison, but that apology didn’t sound very sincere.” His amused gaze bored into her wide, glistening eyes as he stalked down the steps.

By the time he had one foot on the dirt ground, Scott and Derek were crouched in front of her protectively. I hadn’t even noticed that Derek was still alive, let alone completely healed, but I was more than grateful.

“Run.” Scott grunted over his shoulder, and she didn’t hesitate to listen.

She sprinted toward me and Stiles, taking her bow with her, and immediately crumpled into my arms. A harsh sob wracked her body as I pulled her in tight. I felt Stiles’ hand on my back as he guided us hastily toward his Jeep. A few animalistic growls and roars sounded from behind us, and I knew they were fighting.

“I’m sorry.” Allison cried, pulling away from me to wipe at her face. “I’m so, so sorry. I-I didn’t know what happened with you and Lydia, and now Kate’s gone and—oh my God. I’m the worst friend ever.”

Stiles wrenched the passenger door open when we reached the car and I shoved Allison inside before crawling in behind her. Something snapped behind us, and I honestly wouldn’t have been surprised if they’d just uprooted a tree or completely destroyed the house.

“It’s okay.” I breathed, running a hand down Allison’s back as she continued blubbering. “We’re both terrible friends, honestly.”

“Wait.” She suddenly perked up, her eyes widening in horror. “My dad.”

Damnit. I‘d completely forgotten about him.

I turned to peer out the window and winced as Peter picked Derek up by the ankle and tossed him through the air. He crashed into Scott, who was trying to pull himself upright a few feet away, bringing him right back down harshly.

Peter snarled, seemingly losing control as he hunched over and shifted fully into a huge, terrifying beast. He roared loudly, baring his claws and stalking forward. He grabbed Derek by the throat and threw him into a nearby tree before turning back to Scott.

“I have to do something.” Stiles suddenly spoke up from the front seat. My head whipped in his direction as he threw open the driver’s side door and clambered onto the ground.

“What? No!” I immediately tumbled out behind him and watched with baited breath as he reached into the trunk.

My brows furrowed as I caught sight of a huge beaker in his hand. I barely had time to register that here was a yellow liquid swirling inside before he hurled it at Peter. As it flew toward him, I realized it was a Molotov cocktail, like the one Lydia showed us how to make when we were stuck inside the school. Peter caught it easily, his glowing red eyes snapping our way with a ferocious growl.

“Oh, damn...” Stiles instantly deflated and took a tentative step back.

My eyes widened as I whipped back around to face Allison, an idea suddenly popping into my head. She seemed to know exactly what I was thinking as she reached for her bow and instantly nocked the arrow into place. After taking only a moment to aim it out the opened window, she fired.

It hit the glass bottle dead center, and Peter’s left arm erupted in flames. He roared frantically and tried shaking the fire off, only managing to make it spread across his torso more quickly. Soon, his entire body was ablaze as he staggered around and howled in agony.

After a few long, torturous moments, he slumped down onto his knees in his human form. Thick smoke billowed from his charred skin as he sputtered and gasped for air. We all stood impossibly still, gaping at him in horror. I don’t think any of us had the slightest idea of what to do next.

Derek suddenly emerged from the house, his face a tight mask of fury. He stalked toward Peter, who now lay on his back, and stood over him with clenched fists.

“Wait!” Scott rose to his feet and stopped only a foot away from them, his eyes wide with panic. Derek’s hard glare never moved an inch. “You said the cure comes from the one who bit you. If you do this, I’m dead. What am I supposed to do?”

My attention snapped back toward him, surprised at his words. There was a cure? I had no idea what he was talking about, but it must’ve been important if he was this freaked out over it.

Derek’s eyes pinched shut and his jaw clenched tightly. He hesitated for only a brief moment before raising a clawed hand in the air.

“Wait! N-no! Don’t!” Scott's desperate plea fell on deaf ears as Derek brought his hand down to slash Peter’s throat.

Allison gasped from beside me, and I just stared ahead with wide eyes. My breath caught in my throat as I watched yet another person’s life fade away right in front of me. It was almost hard to believe, that he was actually dead. We’d all been through so much. It didn’t seem possible that it could all be over, just like that.

There had to be more.

Derek staggered to his feet and turned to glower at Scott over his shoulder. His canines elongated and his eyes flashed bright red before he uttered the words we were all dreading. The ones that would seal our fate for the foreseeable future.

“I’m the alpha now.”

Episode 11 Season 2, Episode 1 (Part One)

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everybodyscupoftea · 4 years ago

Text

anyone can cook

rafe cameron x reader

words: 3729

warnings: usual cursing, mentions of drugs

synopsis: college au, four times you cook for rafe and one time he cooks for you

Growing up, your mom taught you the importance of food. For most of your childhood, you loved cooking with her. Learning family recipes, and spending time in the kitchen with her instead of doing homework was thrilling to you. As you aged, you started to resent it, feeling like your mother was perpetuating the harmful stereotype that women are meant to be in the kitchen.

And then you left school early and came home to see the shit your dad was putting your mom through and was forced to immediately take that hard pill to swallow. Perspective was a bitch. Your mom didn’t cook to please your dad, she cooked to keep him happy enough for you to be fooled. It was heartbreaking.

You decided then that you’d not take any time cooking with your mom for granted. She loved you and she wanted you to be happier than her. For her, you could certainly fucking try. It was all going great until the storm that knocked out power, rendered the kitchen useless, and drove your dad’s patience level to its breaking point.

He’d never been that angry before, at least not in front of you. You weren’t sure what to do as he lashed out at your mom and then you, without warning and in the end, without apology. Normally if you were upset, your mom would make cookies with you, letting you use cookie cutters and dirty unnecessary dishes. That time though, you had to figure it out alone.

When you got to college, your parents helped pay rent for your first apartment. It had a good kitchen with lots of room, and your mom bought you a ton of kitchen tools, pots and pans, and other cooking necessities as a graduation gift. Her and your dad helped you move in, and that night, with shaky hands, she held your face in her hands. Tears in her eyes she whispered, “Promise me you won’t stop cooking.”

You couldn’t stop your own tears as you gulped and nodded a little frantically, “Of course not, Mama.”

Rafe lived a very different life. His real mother wasn’t in the picture and his step mother didn’t really want kids, so his experience with cooking was very limited compared to yours. Coincidentally that’s how the two of you met, outside your apartment building at 11:48 p.m. while the fire department sorted out the disaster that was his dinner attempt.

You knew it was his fault because he was very carefully trying to make himself look small. The only reason you knew what had gone wrong was you overheard the fireman talking to the landlord saying it was just a small kitchen fire in 227 and wouldn’t be too much to fix.

It was really out of character, but you walked over to where he was sitting on the curb and sat down next to him, “227?”

His head turned toward you sharply, “Figured me out, huh?”

“You were trying a little too hard to look inconspicuous.”

He shrugged, “Didn’t want a bunch of angry neighbors.”

Which you understood, so you nudged his shoulder with yours, “Well, I’m not angry and I know, but I’m not so sure I’d risk it with her,” you pointed at a lady who seemed to be ranting into the phone.

The boy followed your point and winced, “Yeah maybe not. Cooking clearly isn’t for me.”

“What were you making?”

“Kraft mac and cheese.”

You let out a loud laugh, assuming it was a joke. But then he didn’t meet your eyes or laugh along and you quickly stopped laughing, “Wait actually?”

With a shrug, he answered, “No one really taught me how to cook.”

And here you had a choice. Years and years of stored up cooking knowledge, endless recipes memorized, and a fantastic kitchen begging to be used by more than one person made the choice obvious.

“Well then take this as my standing dinner invitation whenever you want. I’ll give you my number and you can let me know when you’re hungry.”

“So, you’re gonna what, teach me how to cook.”

“Well, we can start small. I’ll cook for you first.”

One:

The first time Rafe texted you was on a night you actually had a fridge full of leftovers, but the boy who lived alone with sad eyes deserved better than leftovers. Rafe knocked on the door a few minutes later and he was dressed similarly to the first time you’d seen him, in sweats and a hoodie, and his hands were folded nervously in front of him.

You let him in, and he followed you to the kitchen, “So what’s on the menu for tonight?” he asked.

“Chicken pot pie,” you told him over your shoulder. You’d turned the oven on to preheat and had the potatoes and carrots chopped already. He stood behind you, peering over your shoulder.

Before you could continue, he cut in, “Is there something I can do?”

You thought for a minute, “You can control the music. My phone is synced up to the bluetooth speaker and I have Spotify pulled up, so have at it.”

Rafe nodded and sat down as you put the veggies into a pot and added water to start boiling them. You quickly went into your cooking zone as Rafe sat quietly queuing up songs. They were from your chill playlist and you appreciated that he was sticking to your playlists, humming along every so often.

By the time you pulled the chicken and veggie mixture from the heat, Rafe was leaning forward in his seat, and he looked excited to see what you’d do next. Reaching down, you pulled out a glass pie tin and looked over at him, “After I press the crust down, will you help me pour the mixture in?”

Rafe nodded eagerly and you made quick work of the pie crust, motioning him to come around the counter. He looked hesitant for the first time since you’d started cooking, and you tried to smile reassuringly. Returning the smile, he moved closer, “What do you want me to do.”

You held out the potholders, “If you pour, I’ll scoop.”

He picked the pot up and slowly poured the mixture into the tin and you quickly scooped the stuff that didn’t pour. Rafe set the pot down and you held the second crust out to him to press on top. He mimicked your actions from earlier carefully, and you couldn’t help but smile. You showed him how to press the edges down with a fork and he did so, slowly. Covering the edges, you let Rafe put it in the oven and then led him to the living room to start a movie while the two of you waited for it to finish.

The pot pie was a family recipe, and when Rafe tried it, the look on his face made it worth him seeing the secret ingredients your mom added to jazz it up. It felt good seeing someone enjoying your cooking again.

Two:

You weren’t entirely sure the relationship Rafe had with his family, but on fried catfish night, Rafe showed up at your doorstep unexpectedly. Fortunately, you had a few extra, so you invited him in for dinner. It wasn’t exactly what he was gunning for when he showed up, but he’d never say no to your cooking.

While you battered and seasoned the fish, he vented about his dad.

“I just don’t understand how a 4.0 isn’t fucking good enough. He’ll never give me any credit as long as Sarah does well in school and plays volleyball, I just want to be good enough.”

His words pulled at your heartstrings, and you found yourself tearing up on his behalf. You paused the music that had been softly playing in the background, “Fuck your dad, you deserve better.”

Rafe laughed drily, “I’ve done some dumb shit, this is my karma. I just don’t like it.”

“I fail to see any mistakes bad enough to warrant a parent totally disregarding their child like that. Did you kill someone or something?”

He shook his head, chuckling, “No, I didn’t kill anyone. But I had a drug problem in high school. I’m clean now, but it was me attempting to get my dad’s attention and it all spiraled out of control. Clearly it didn’t work out the way I wanted it to because my dad just kicked me out.”

You were horrified, “He kicked you out?!”

“Yeah, I went from couch to couch for a while until checking myself into rehab so I could get clean. I was tired of being dependent on something and really I wanted to prove my dad wrong.”

“God, Rafe, I’m so sorry.”

He shrugged and you started heating the oil up to start frying. There was an extended pause before he softly continued, “He didn’t let me move back in, even when I showed up clean. News of everything had gotten around town and he didn’t want me to further disgrace the family name.”

Brushing a tear off your cheek, you caught his eye, “Karma will come for your dad someday. You deserve only good things, Rafe.”

With a faint smile, he tapped his fingers on the cabinet, almost nervously, “Maybe one day I’ll be able to see it that way, but for now, I just don’t.”

“I’ll keep telling you until you believe it,” you promised fiercely. And you really meant it.

You finished frying the fish, silence between the two of you. It was no longer heavy and it wasn’t as awkward as the first time, you were proud of the progress. Rafe grabbed plates from the cabinet and at your instruction, the coleslaw you had already made and stored in the fridge.

Courtesy kicked in, and you let Rafe make his plate first. You figured he deserved to feel first choice for once. He almost looked like he wanted to argue, but you weren’t about to back down, so he filled his plate and sat back at the bar, patiently waiting for you to sit down before eating.

You fixed your plate and sat down next to him before squeezing his shoulder, “Thanks for keeping me company tonight.”

Rafe laughed, “Thanks for letting me rant.”

“Anytime.”

Three:

“Fuck,” you muttered under your breath and your laptop confirmed what you feared, your last bio exam had gone very poorly. It was just one test, but you weren’t used to seeing such a low grade, and you had to try really hard not to cry. Everything in you wanted to go lay down for days and forget about the rest of your classes, but the logical part of your brain texted Rafe to invite him for dinner.

He showed up not even five minutes later, and you decided breakfast sounded like the most comforting thing. You didn’t want to come across as too needy, so you didn’t mention the bad grade and tried to cover how you were actually feeling.

Unfortunately, the music you had playing gave it away. Rafe took one look at your face and the slight slump in your shoulders, and immediately wrapped you into a hug. You squeezed your eyes shut, fighting the tears, and he held you tighter.

“What happened, bud?”

“It’s nothing,” you tried to deflect, “fucked up on a bio test. We still have a few more, but it’s not a great start.”

“Which bio?”

“Molecular.”

Rafe thought for a few seconds, “I know a guy who has taken that, want me to see if I can get his notes?”

“That would be great actually.”

He smiled, “Good, now why don’t we get some happier music and get to cooking.”

And you could do that. Rafe changed to a playlist he’d made and sent to you a few weeks ago called Good Vibes for Cooking Nights and you couldn’t argue, they were good songs. A Wallows song started playing and you fell into a rhythm of pouring batter and flipping pancakes, feeling immensely better than when Rafe had first showed up.

You were thankful for him, this boy who had totally changed your life in the four months he’d known you. Four months of baring your hearts to each other in your own little ways. Rafe showing up to your apartment looking casual, not at all how he looked normally during the day. You letting him control the music and watch you cook, something so personal and special to you. It was new for the both of you.

Rafe heated up syrup while you quickly buttered the pancakes and washed some fruit for toppings. For the first time, you made your plate and sat down first. Rafe sat down next to you a few minutes later, plate heaped high with pancakes and raspberries.

After a few minutes of eating, the music being the only noise in the kitchen, Rafe turned to you, “You’re so intelligent and I don’t want you to let this one test discourage you. I know you’ll bounce back.”

“I studied so hard,” you told him, almost whispering, “I knew this was going to be hard, but I have no prior experience to fall back on, and it’s killing me.”

“But you’ll learn. Now you know how exams are structured, and you can adjust your studying habits. Next test will go great, I promise.”

You couldn’t stop it, it had been building between the two of you for months, and in your extra emotional state, you acted more rashly than normal. Setting your fork down, you turned to him and grabbed the front of his shirt. Rafe was startled, but turned to face you, not prepared for you to kiss him.

He froze and you almost regretted it, loosening your grip on his shirt, about to pull away embarrassed when he started kissing you back. Rafe tasted like syrup and raspberries, an addicting combination. Unfortunately, you eventually had to pull away to breathe, and Rafe pressed a soft kiss to your forehead while you caught your breath.

He picked his fork back up and smiled widely at you, “So that was nice.”

You blushed, “Yeah, um, sorry.”

“I’m not,” he stole a strawberry off your plate, “I didn’t want to make a move and make you uncomfortable if I was reading this whole thing wrong.”

“You, um, you weren’t reading it wrong.”

“I see that.”

Your blush deepened as he smiled wider at you. You shrugged, “So, what now?”

“Well, hopefully, now you’ll let me take you out and see where we go from there.”

“I’d like that.”

Four:

You weren’t sure if it was an out of sight, out of mind situation, but your parents planned a couple’s trip for Christmas, and you weren’t invited. Which would make this the first time in your entire life you wouldn’t spend Christmas with your family. You had mixed feelings. On one hand, you were hurt at the blatant disregard of you and your feelings, but on the other hand it gave you the chance to spend your first holiday alone with Rafe.

The two of you were eating hummus and doing homework when you decided to bring it up. He was on the floor, and you were on the couch, so you nudged his shoulder with your foot to get his attention, “How do you feel about spending Christmas together?”

He looked back at you with a wide smile, “I feel like it would be the best Christmas I’ve ever had.”

You grabbed a blank sheet of paper and handed it down to him, “Write down specific foods you want.”

“What do you normally eat on Christmas?” he asked, not taking the paper.

With a shrug, you pulled the paper back, “I don’t know, we normally do gumbo and cornbread and German chocolate cake.”

Rafe grabbed your ankle, shaking your leg a few times, “Let’s do that.”

“You don’t want to add anything?” you asked, hesitant.

He bit the inside of his cheek, clearly thinking, “Maybe we could do a baked mac and cheese. We had those a lot growing up before Mom left.”

“Find me the recipe and I’ll make it for you, bub.”

With a wide smile, Rafe grabbed your hand and pressed a kiss to the back of it, “You’re the best.”

When Christmas finally rolled around, you woke up early to start cooking. Your mom suggested a Dutch oven, something you didn’t already own, and to buy file powder instead of trying the cornstarch method. She also told you to make the cake a day earlier so you wouldn’t have to worry about it with the rest of the food.

You worked with Christmas music playing softly in the background, focusing on making sure the flour and oil combination didn’t burn before adding the veggies. The recipe wasn’t hard, but it did require a lot of stirring and paying attention and exact timing.

By the time it was ready to start simmering for about 30 minutes, you had started boiling the pasta for the mac and cheese. That recipe was simple, and you’d been playing with the cheese topping in your own time to make the flavor blend better with the gumbo, and you were pretty sure you’d figured it out.

With practiced ease, you finished it and poured it over the pasta before setting it to bake. By then, it was time to finish the gumbo, make the cornbread, and get dressed.

Rafe showed up just as you finished getting dressed and the cornbread timer was going off. He had a key and let himself in, and you knew he could handle taking the cornbread out.

“Babe, I’m here,” he called out as he shut the timer off.

“Coming,” you yelled back, smoothing your sweater down.

By the time you finally made it to the kitchen Rafe had set all of the food on the counter and he was leaned next to it in his own sweater and jeans. He held his arms out for a hug, and you walked into them happily.

“Merry Christmas, babe,” he told you, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. You hummed and reached up to kiss him.

“Merry Christmas,” you told him, pulling away.

“Food looks good,” he complimented, reaching for the bowls and plates he’d gotten out.

You looked over the spread and smiled proudly, “It does, doesn’t it?”

“You want to eat on the couch and watch the Jim Carrey Grinch?”

Nodding enthusiastically, you grabbed a plate, “Fuck yes.”

The two of you settled on the couch, a gingerbread scented candle burning in the background. Rafe started the movie and wrapped an arm around your shoulders, plate in his lap. You leaned into him and let out a long breath you didn’t realize you’d been holding in. This Christmas, while out of the ordinary, was your favorite one yet.

+ One:

You got home after work, exhausted. Your apartment was dark and cold and it made you want to curl up into a ball and cry. Work had been so time consuming over the past month you’d barely seen Rafe and you missed him. But if you got the promotion your boss had been hinting at, you’d get more manageable hours and higher pay, so you were grinding it out until then.

Dropping your bag by the door, you kicked off your shoes before slowly walking to the couch. Before you could sit down, there was a knock at the door. You considered ignoring it, but it persisted, so you walked slowly back to answer.

Rafe was standing there, giant grin on his face, with a steaming pot of something which explained why he didn’t use his key. It was very surreal and you blinked a few times in confusion before letting him in. He walked past you to the kitchen and set the dish down before digging through your drawer for the matches to light your favorite candle on the counter.

“Go get changed,” he urged, “I’ll get plates set up.”

Your phone rang as you were changing into shorts and you grabbed it out of the discarded pants pocket. When you saw your boss’s name, your heart rate doubled and you answered shakily. The phone call was brief, and the gist was that you’d gotten the promotion and the next day off.

Energy immediately filled your body and you ran to the kitchen where Rafe was scooping out what looked like mac and cheese onto plates.

“Rafe!”

He looked up, startled, “What’s up?”

“I got it!”

“The promotion?” he asked, eagerly.

You nodded, beaming, and jumped into his arms when he opened them. Rafe spun you around a few times and kissed you hard. Slowly setting you back down to your feet, he deepened the kiss, your hands winding into his hair.

Rafe pulled away first, pressing soft kisses to both of your cheeks and your forehead before standing up fully. You let go of his hair and took the hand he offered to you. Leading you to the couch, he sat down and motioned for you to do the same.

“Is this mac and cheese?” you asked, poking at the food with the fork he’d brought you.

“It is. I went on snapchat earlier and realized that it’s an anniversary of sorts. I wanted to make you dinner for once since I know you’ve had a long week.”

“Anniversary?”

A faint blush rose on his cheeks and he cleared his throat, “Um, yeah, a year since we met.”

You laughed loudly, “When you set your fucking kitchen on fire making mac and cheese?”

“A year ago, today. And with your cooking help, I can now make mac and cheese without setting the kitchen on fire.”

Poking at it again, you looked up at him, almost fearing the answer, “This isn’t Kraft right?”

“Of course not,” he scoffed, “I called your mom to get her recipe.”

Biting your lip to hold back the onslaught of emotions, you took in a shaky breath, “Right. Okay. Um, I love you, Bub. And this is genuinely the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.”

Rafe kissed your temple before lifting your chin to make you look him in the eye, “I love you too, and as crazy as it sounds, I’m glad I set my kitchen on fire.”

#rafe cameron #rafe outer banks #rafe cameron fic #rafe cameron x reader #outer banks fic #obx #outer banks #college rafe

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seasidewriter1-writes · 4 years ago

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Replying to @elizabeth0020 for: Hello!! I’ve always wondered how you decide what arcs/episodes you’re going to write? There are sooooo many, how do you know what’s a good one for your story vs one that isn’t? And a second question (if you feel like answering lol): how do you picture all the details you wrote? Like lighting, movements, facial expression etc? You’re so good at that and I’ve always been amazed at how you come up with them!

I love answering anything and everything, so never worry about sending me too much! I don’t often get to talk about the technical stuff (like the questions you’ve asked), so I love getting any chance I have to talk about them! (So hold on tight, ‘cause this is a ramble! 😂)

So, for the first question regarding the arcs... I picked out what episodes/arcs I thought were beneficial when I did my first watch through of the Clone Wars this past summer. I had a google doc that I wrote down all the episode names in, then jotted down the preliminary ideas. Let me tell you, with a show that has seven seasons of 20+ episodes, it was... so daunting to even think about narrowing down what episodes and arcs to use. It was what initially deterred me from using any of them at all. So I started to look for things that I felt would directly impact Elara, her character, and her development. For example, I didn’t really use all of “Cat and Mouse” because the episode, on a whole, wouldn’t have Elara much involved in it. It did, however, provide a wonderful backdrop for her time on Christophsis, which is why I didn’t nix it entirely. Aside from forcing Obi-Wan and Elara to be tied together, “Dooku Captured” and “The Gungan General” were used to introduce her to Hondo, whom both allows her to be more playful, and showcases her knowledge of the seedier side of the galaxy. And there are plenty of episodes that I love and adore that I just... don’t think would fit. For as much as I love “Senate Spy” and the introduction of Clovis, there’s no way for me to put Elara into that episode and not have it feel forced. That’s another huge thing I look for when picking episodes; if Elara doesn’t feel like she would naturally fit into the storyline somehow, even if it’s indirectly, I’m not going to force her into it. That’s when I do things like mention the events of the episode in a chapter (like with “Clone Cadets”) instead of doing a whole episode. So Clovis is obviously going to get a mention (she’s Anakin’s sister and Padmé’s bestie, of course she’s going to hear about the debacle), but the whole episode won’t be written out.

Then, of course, you have the arcs. The ones that I had immediately chosen are (and these probably come as no surprise): Ryloth, Mandalore, Mortis, Slavers, and Deception. The arcs I find easier to choose because you have a chance to work with more surface area so to speak. It gives me a chance to really flesh out Elara’s part in the story, focus in on her and her emotions and how she’s tied to this particular plot. With the Mortis Arc, for example––Elara is a Skywalker. She is strong with the Force, and in the “Balance” verse, considered a Chosen One. That ties her into the Mortis Arc very interestingly, since it’s not just Anakin going God Mode. It’s going to lend me the chance to really dig deep into Elara, her connection to the Force, to the Light and Dark (the Daughter and Son), and her relationship to being a Chosen One. At first I was like ‘holy shit I’m never gonna be able to do this arc,’ and then when I buckled down and really thought it over... I realized it’s going to be really important for her as a character, and particularly her relationship with Anakin (stay tuned!). It also probably comes as no surprise that a lot of the arcs (and episodes) that get picked are influenced by whether or not Anakin or Obi-Wan are in them. Which is why I almost turned a blind eye to the Umbara Arc until someone brought it up. I did a rewatch of it and knew I had to include it, too. Because that’s going to be an awesome opportunity to flesh out how close Elara is to the 442nd, and be able to contrast her ideals as a General against those of Krell. A lot of the picking of episodes and arcs ends up being trial and error. I wrote the first four-ish pages of “Clone Cadets” before I realized it just didn’t flow right.

All this being said, I like to envision Elara is around for all of the Clone Wars episodes, so I’ve got lots of fun little random snippets for things that I’ll probably never write, but figure would happen in some part of a CW episode.

And after all that, here we finally are at your second question! ☺️

Coming up with all those small details is actually an amalgamation of things at work. I do attribute a lot of it to my training as an actor/theatre artist. I think about how, if I were directing it, how I’d want the movements to look, and how that would translate on both a small scale, and a large scale. A touch of a hand for Obi-Wan and Elara can feel like a world shifting movement––but come off as nothing but a simple, friendly gesture to their fellows. On a small scale, what makes the difference is the way the touch happens. How light the pressure of the touch is, how long it lasts, how slowly their fingers brush against the other person’s hand... all those things help me figure out the mood of that touch and how they’d respond to it. Also, when choosing words to describe movements I often think about the attitude attached to it. A ‘turn of the head’ when Anakin’s being moody may end up being a ‘swivel,’ or the ‘arch’ of an eyebrow from Obi-Wan is more sarcastic than a gentler ‘raise.’ I often agonize picking out those sorts of words. I’ll sit there and try them over and over again, then put them all into a Thesaurus website because I worry I use the same words too much. The thesaurus (particularly when writing Obi-Wan), is my best friend.

When I write mannerisms for canon characters, I use a lot of reference for. I’ll literally just scroll through gifs, watch movie clips, or rewatch the scene I’m writing to pick up on character-specific mannerisms. A couple chapters ago I was describing Anakin’s angry face, and I just looked at images of him from Revenge of the Sith (him alone in the Council room, him being knighted as Vader, his expressions on Mustafar, etc.) I’ll also do this for vocal ticks/inflections. I will also unashamedly admit I will sit there and compose my face into whatever expression I’m trying to describe. Sometimes feeling it physically, or physically composing it helps me come up with words or ways to describe the look. Same thing with touches AND with vocal inflection. Do I sit by myself and read what I’ve written aloud in my best Obi-Wan Kenobi cadence? Yes, yes I do. And has it helped me figure out what words/phrases do and do not work? Yes, it absolutely has!

Also, a lot of describing the details of motion/facial expression/touch gets affected by music for me. Like, if you listen to “Stairway to Heaven” as played by the London Philharmonic Orchestra while reading, say, the scene in “The Gungan General” where Obi-Wan and Elara wake up pressed up to one another... that song is just THE feel of that moment. Listening to the right music when writing (the little details especially) is big for me. Kinda like how “Blue Monday” is the music that works best for the bunker scene in “Storm Over Ryloth.”

There are also a lot of details that I pull from real life. I remember when I wrote Elara seeing Naboo for the first time—and consequently grass, trees, and flowers, too—it was summer time for me. I was staring out at the trees and the way the light filtered through them, watched how they swayed... the grass had just been cut and the breeze smelled sweet... and I was like ‘god, imagine experiencing this all for the first time.’ So I took what I felt and elevated it a little, tried to add a kind of wonder to the things that we all, for the most part, kinda take for granted. I like pulling on experiences I’ve had in real life as a basis.

I ask attribute a LOT of my detail work to my training as a theatre artist. I think about lighting now differently than I did a couple years ago; because I learned what kinda of light fit different moods. Like the scene of Obi-Wan at Dex’s would feel completely different if I’d described the light as cool toned. It would lack a sense of hope. His reminiscences would be sadder, it would feel more stark. The warmer tones suggest that there’s still heart and hope, a possibility for things to get better, and that reflects his inner life better than colder, bluer light. Or how I used light when I wrote Elara seeing Watto again after 10 years to describe her struggle between Dark and Light in that moment. She stepped out of the sun and into the shade because, for a moment, she almost gave in to the Darkness. (Inspired by the scene in Force Awakens where Kylo asks for Han’s help and the light shines down on them... with hints of red low lighting to hint at the struggle... only to have the light disappear as he overrides his own vulnerability, reverts to the Darkness and kills his own father).

I also love using physical objects as emotional triggers, like is done in theatre quite a bit. A good recent example being Elara’s lightsaber. Obi-Wan having it reminds him of his worries regarding her safety, and his struggle with choosing what path to take in regards to his feelings towards her. Or Elara with the Snow Blossom. These things have the ability to spark different emotions depending on the situation. On a good day, the Snow Blossom will make her smile; on a bad day, it may make her feel more sad than happy. And sometimes they don’t have to be objects—they can be bruises or scars or healing wounds. Having something physical spark an emotional response can be really helpful, and has actually helped me though rough spots in my writing.

I could literally go on for hours about all of this kind of stuff! So thank you for asking about it and giving me a chance to discuss it even a little bit! ☺️

#mary talks balance #mary responds #my writing stuff #detail work #elara skywalker #obi-lara #balance stuff #fic writing

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