#if you want me to go more in depth about anything feel free to ask! There’s a lot of stuff I left out so it didn’t get to long

[10piecechickenmcnugget]

Howdy! Under my post you offered to talk about Purpled's lore/character and it would be really cool is you did that!

You have unlocked an unskippable cutscene I could literally talk about this for days on end

under the read more cause this is gonna be LONG

okay SO the very basics of Purpleds character is just he’s a really skilled fighter, so he became a mercenary to put those skills to use

ccpurpled said himself that cpurpled just wants money and power

but despite this, he’s not a fan of conflict at all, and prefers to avoid fights and wars whenever possible

a favorite quote of mine, “I’m like Switzerland, I don’t really fight, but when I do fight, I win” (not word for word I forgor)

he greatly prefers to keep to himself, and just gather materials and chill with his dog and mind his own business, because he’s seen what happens to everyone else, and doesn’t want any part of it

Early in the server, before he did a lot of serious lore, he had a decent amount of relatively positive relationships with a couple people, and he didn’t necessarily hang out with them or anything but he trusted them

he mostly just sat around and built stuff, the first big thing he was a part of was the Manberg vs Pogtopia war

-karl recruited him against his will

-he ran around for like 30 minutes just rambling about how he had no idea what was going on ever

-he fought for like 3 minutes before switching sides

-*getting killed by fireworks* “IM ON YOUR SIDE” “YOU WERENT BEFORE”

-was dead silent for like 40 minutes as he just ran around fighting people and no one acknowledged him

-schlatt fucking died “did he just have a heart attack?!?” “He just fucking died!!” And then went silent again

-the whole thing were no one wanted to be president

-it ended up being tubbo

-no one could figure out who the traitor was

-watched wilbur die right after lmanberg blew up

-killed one of the withers and was very proud of himself

-Connor joined the game, left the game, joined the game, stole purpleds pants, and left

-purpled went home, reiterated that he had no idea what the fuck just happened, and ended stream

this is so long already but wait, there’s more!!

not a whole lot important happened after that, he was still living in a cabin of the main path, and his UFO was just kinda vibing (that’s a surprise tool that will help us later)

he kinda chilled on his own, and suddenly the Eggpire is a thing! Purpled has no friends, so he doesn’t care!! (There are vines all over his UFO but he doesn’t live there anymore so he doesn’t do anything about it)

suddenly Ponk wants to talk to him, and now uh oh, BadBoyHalo is in some random ass cave trying to hire Purpled to kidnap Puffy

purpled has nothing better to do, so he takes the job

he doesn’t log on for months, so Quackity puts bombs in his house

suddenly purpled logs on and Quackitys like “I understand this looks bad but I want to hire you”

“what’s this another mercenary job?” God forbid someone hire him to do his job

he accepts, and badda bang badda book now he’s working against the Eggpire

Q, purpled, and Techno are going to take down the red banquet, and then Quackity decides to be an asshole (Purpled and Techno want to go in and help, but Quackity makes them wait and foolish dies, then Quackity goes in and plays the hero)

they beat the shit out of the Eggpire (bad is not happy with purpled)

purpled leads everyone out of bads creepy basement “you’re a hero, purpled” “I try my best”

purpled wants his payment for helping the duck man

Duck man pays him, and then breaks the entire fandom and blows up purpleds ufo right in front of him!

purpled wants to kill him, Quackity tries to convince him not to, tells him that he’s basically nothing now, and purples goes home

fucking dumbass blows up his own house after having 37 mental breakdowns

slime is spying on him and purples wants to strangle him

he goes to las Nevadas, “I just want to make it very clear that I don’t think there will ever be a point in time where I respect you as a person,” and joins LN just like Q wanted!! Surely nothing bad will happen!!

~timeskip~

Quackity has an anxiety attack, purpled leads them to the most unnecessary trap ever, he and Q yell at each other, Quackity does a fucky wucky, and now Slimecicle is dead

purpled just fucking walks away like the girlboss he is, and later kidnaps slimes corpse and traps him in a cave

Punz shows up, says some stuff, purples agrees to work for him and dream (this will not go well)

they raid las nevadas!! dream blows some shit up, foolish releases an army of slimes, and purpled yells at Quackity some more

slime reveals he’s not actually a dumbass and shoves purples of off a balcony

and then the server fucking ended so I guess that’s that!

so, long story short, purpled is pretty much just a badass but also cringefail assassin, who does not like people or conflict, and has cared about two things ever (his ufo and his dog, which is thankfully still alive), but is also still just a teenager, and has some shit going on.

he doesn’t care about a lot, but he does have silly little feelings sometimes and the only two times he ever showed that he blew up his own house and the second time he fucking died

[gurugirl]

Sex Tutor II

Summary: It feels like you and Harry are looking for different things. You aren't cut out for casual and Harry doesn't have time to focus on a relationship. But feelings are complicated and Harry doesn't even know what he wants until he realizes he can't stop thinking about you.

A/N: Here she is! The final part! I hope y'all enjoy! Part I Here

Word Count: 13.375

Warning: smut, angst, fluff, praise kink, size kink (kind of)

. .

It was another round of disappointment with Gunther after the 2nd time. Not only because he was so unenthusiastic and he wouldn’t return the favor (still), but because you really couldn’t stop thinking about Harry. About how good it had been with him.

As you were going down on Gunther you kept sucking him in and it just didn’t feel the same. He smelled different, and not necessarily bad but it wasn’t as pleasant as it could have been. He’d definitely sprayed some kind of cologne on and you could taste the bitterness of it on your tongue. And he was kind of rough with you. Pressed the back of your head down and grunted once or twice. You even attempted to run your finger over the spot Harry showed you and he got all squicked out by it thinking you were trying to put it in his butthole. And that reaction had totally ruined the moment for you.

Just like the first time, you left his dorm and walked back to yours alone in the dark with nothing but your thoughts and a touch of disgust. You considered reaching out to Harry. He did mention to you that you could call him anytime. And you were left fully unsatisfied by Gunther. There was no part of you that didn’t believe Harry could satisfy you every which way.

You figured you’d call it quits with Gunther after that and maybe you’d contact Harry again. But to your surprise, he contacted you first.

H: How did it go with Gunther?

You were working on a paper at your desk when you saw his message. Of course, you stopped everything to respond.

Not great. He did cum, though. So I guess that’s good! lol

H: Did you also cum?

You swallowed and bit your lip as you felt your cheeks heat up at that question.

No.

It took a bit for him to respond. You weren’t sure if he was in the middle of something or if he didn’t have anything more to say, or maybe it was that he was thinking of how to word his response. And by then you had a hard time getting back into working on your paper so you called it quits for the day and decided to shower.

You kept wondering what was on Harry’s mind. Wondered if you should follow up with him. Ask him to see you again. And when you got out of your shower you had planned out a whole message to type out to him. You’d ask him for another lesson and see if he had any time. You’d be kind of putting yourself out there but Harry had been so nice and it was so good with him you hadn’t stopped thinking about that night.

But there was already a message from Harry waiting for you when you picked up your phone.

H: I think you should come over again. You didn’t get what you needed from him and I’ll happily make up for it. Show you what it’s supposed to be like.

You laid your phone down on your sink counter and grinned, your heart thumping wildly in your chest. Because yes! Yes, you’d go to his and let him take care of you. God, you’d love to give him another blow job too.

Only if you want. When were you thinking?

His response came faster than you expected.

H: Are you free tonight? Say 6 or so?

You weren’t technically free. You needed to finish your paper but fuck it. Harry would be worth a rushed final product.

That works for me : )

You met him at Maud’s like the first time. Only this time you bought his tea and a sandwich for him. He told you it wasn’t necessary but you felt like it was the least you could do. You walked back to his apartment together and told him about your paper that was due and he talked about his thesis. Harry was an interesting person. He wasn’t just eye candy, he had real depth. And he was kind.

“So why don’t you have a T.V.?” You asked as you sat on his couch and he plopped down next to you, drawing his arm over your shoulder.

“No time really. I’m telling you, I am almost always studying and doing coursework. Used to have one but it was too much of a distraction.”

You laughed, “And this isn’t a distraction?” You motioned your hand between yourself and Harry.

He shifted his seating and his hand moved from your shoulder to the side of your neck as he gently pulled at you, “Oh it’s a distraction all right. But this is the kind that’s worth it. Television has never been worth missing out on a good study sesh,” he laughed and you laid your palm on his chest.

“Well, I hope it’s worth it. Don’t feel like I’m all that amazing. Kind of ju–“

Your words were abruptly cut off with his mouth over yours. You let out a surprised squeak and Harry laughed against your lips, “Sorry… just want you, Y/n…”

You were a goner. You had never felt so sexy in your life as in that moment. Harry seemed quite ravenous and you didn’t know if it was because he was just horny in general or if it was because of you but the way he was licking at your mouth and touching your hip and moaning it felt a lot like he was simply into you. At least that’s what you were going to believe.

He got you into his bed again, your pants and sweater on the floor as he kissed your tummy. Your head was spinning, “Your lesson today,” he spoke between soft pecks over your skin, “Is to see how special you are. How you deserve to feel good. To be with someone who’s going to worship you…”

He hadn’t even touched your clit and it was already throbbing under your cotton panties. The man knew just what to say and you couldn’t help but melt into his mattress and moan his name.

You didn’t have much experience. But you knew one thing and that was that Harry was really really good. He pulled an orgasm from you like an expert, fingers tucked deep into your pussy with his tongue and lips sliding expertly over your sensitive clit. You could hardly even remember getting your clothes off but you didn’t forget his words as he pushed your thighs apart and nosed at your pussy, “So sweet, honey,” he looked up at you, “Can I call you honey?”

Honey. You didn’t mind. Of course not. He could call you whatever he wanted.

And when you finally came down from your orgasm, you shivered as he kept sucking on your clit. You tried pushing at his forehead and he hardly budged as he lifted his mouth from your pussy, “Relax. One more okay? Give me one more, honey?”

Fuck. You were not sure how you were going to survive this man.

When you were panting and sweating after your second orgasm Harry laid next to you and kissed your neck and told you how sweet and perfect you were. You tried returning the favor but he just shook his head and pulled your hand away from his obvious erection to kiss your knuckles, “This wasn’t about me tonight. Just for you, okay? I’m fine. Took care of myself before you came over anyway.”

“But you’re hard…”

“And I promise you that I’m fine. You deserve to be taken care of, Y/n. Don’t like how you’ve been neglected. Want you to just get what you need tonight.”

You stayed at Harry’s for another couple of hours. Just talking and laughing. It was like you two had always known one another. You learned a little about his childhood and you told him about yours. He was sweet and easy to talk to and you loved how he kept holding your hand and pinching your bottom lip as you’d talk. And when it was time to go he called you an Uber again, to which you protested, telling him that was unnecessary.

“It’s absolutely necessary. Don’t want anything to happen to you and this way I can watch the route and make sure you get where you need to go.”

It was like you were another person for the next week and a half. You were feeling quite confident and you ignored Gunther’s text to “hang out”. Harry made you feel like you deserved more. Even if you’d never have anything serious with Harry, he sure made you feel special.

But one night when you and your roommate were hanging out at a sorority house, you overheard something that made your stomach turn.

“You stayed the whole night?”

“Yep. He asked me to. Fucked me so good I almost couldn’t walk and he’s just so nice… I kind of thought he’d have me leave but he said he wanted to make sure I was okay.”

“What’s he like?”

“Well, everything about him is just…” the girl grinned and bit her lip with that dreamy, faraway look in her eye, “He’s so hot up close too. His body… holy shit, you should see this man’s body! But his dick… when I felt that thing inside of me, I was a dickmatized. He’s big and it’s just… perfect. But it’s not just that he’s got a big cock, he’s like… super nice and just knows how to orchestrate the whole experience. Talked me through it all, it was so sexy, and he knows what he’s doing.”

“And you’re gonna ask for another session?”

The girl nods, “Oh yeah. I already did. Well, the morning when I left he fucked me again and then ate me out and told me to call him if I ever needed anything. So I obviously called him…”

Harry wasn’t your boyfriend. He was a single man who had a reputation. He was known for this very thing. So why did it bother you? Why did it make you feel nauseated and jealous? You didn’t even get to have full-on sex with him. It was just oral sex both times, but it felt like you missed out in a way, not having the opportunity to have him like that. But perhaps it was better that you hadn’t had actual sex. Because your wandering thoughts and feelings were betraying your good senses. Images in your brain of you and Harry being a couple were silly. That was never going to happen. Maybe continuing to see Harry would be a bad idea after all. You were already feeling things for him that you shouldn’t be.

And, so, when Gunther called you again the day after you heard that story you decided to answer the call and give him yet another chance. He asked for another “date”. But this time you told him you wanted to actually go out somewhere first. Like on a real date. Maybe a change of scenery would be nice. Maybe the third time would be the charm, as they say. Perhaps if you gave him one more shot he’d redeem himself. Maybe you’d finally get what you were looking for all along.

So there you both were on a Saturday night at the bar with house music playing. You were readying yourself for another round of disappointment and being left unsatisfied when he refused to dance with you. The bar you two had gone to had a DJ every Saturday night and you thought it could be fun to have a couple of drinks, eat some bar food, and dance a bit. But Gunther didn’t want to get up off his stool and he went way beyond just a couple of drinks. You weren’t sure how many he had at that point but it had become clear that he just wanted to drink and get back to his room so he could get his dick sucked and send you on your way.

This time, however, there would be no blow job. You had already decided on Ubering back to your dorm alone afterward. You just had to figure out how to break it to Gunther first.

.           .

Harry had been wondering about you since the last time he saw you. The nervous pretty girl who wound up being quite the breath of fresh air for him. He didn’t expect you to call him for another session but he kind of hoped you would. Or at least just a text to hang out. The last night he had you at his place he felt like you were an old friend. A hot friend who he wanted to bang, but a friend, someone he felt comfortable with who he could talk to all night. He was surprised at how easily the conversation flowed with you. And so it was kind of disappointing when you didn’t reach out to him again. He felt like maybe you weren’t that into him.

He even wound up having to cancel on someone he��d made plans with. He wasn’t sure he was ready to look at anyone else naked. He needed time to get his head on straight. Which just meant he was concerned he’d be thinking about you while he was with someone else. And that was something he refused to do with anyone; think about one person while being with another.

And now it was almost two weeks later and he was still thinking about you. Kept wanting to text you to ask how you were. To see if you wanted to just hang out. He figured if you wanted more you’d reach out. He didn’t want to assume you felt whatever it was he felt. He wasn’t even quite sure what he was feeling.

So when his friend invited him to go out for a few drinks he thought it would be a good opportunity to get his mind off of you so he decided why not? He didn’t often go out to drink. He didn’t have time for it, truth be told. But his buddy wanted to celebrate landing a big job and Harry said he could only hang out for a couple of hours because he had to be up early the following morning to study but he could use a couple of hours away from schoolwork to let loose a bit.

The bar was packed and the room was loud with music and an open dancefloor where people were dancing and flirting. He figured he’d go out and dance for a song or two after a couple of beers and then call it a night. As he was on his second pint he gazed around at the tables with girls in their short dresses and guys trying their hardest to impress and that’s when he spotted you. He felt his heart float up into his throat and then he narrowed in his sight to see who you were with. Gunther.

Harry had looked up this Gunther guy. He was easy to find. He was following you on Instagram and being that there weren’t many called Gunther he knew right away it was him. Why did he look him up? It was just another thing that had Harry a bit perplexed. Being someone on the path to becoming a sex therapist, one would think Harry had more of an idea of what was going on in his own head. But maybe it was more just a matter of whether or not he was ready to admit what he was feeling.

You appeared bored. Annoyed maybe. You had your chin propped in your hand and you were swirling your drink with a straw. Your eyes were focused on the dance floor and Gunther was looking a bit tipsy. He was staring at his phone. If Harry were there with you he’d have his whole attention on you. He wouldn’t even be thinking about his phone. Hell, he had his whole attention on you now and he wasn’t even there with you.

He wondered what it was you saw in Gunther. He knew the man wasn’t doing it for you. He could just see it in your posture. If you had been well fucked, or at least satisfied on some level, and given the attention you deserved your demeanor would have been different. Harry could do that for you. He’d seen how you responded to a good orgasm and how relaxed and confident you got when you were satisfied.

When he saw you sip the last of your drink and say something to your date, who didn’t even so much as give you a glance, you got up and made your way to the dancefloor when the new song came on.

Watching you sway and dance alone had Harry’s heart rhythm increasing. Your dress was riding up your legs and you had your arms raised and your eyes closed. It was clear you were just trying to enjoy your time whether or not Gunther was. He was glad you were dancing and doing your own thing.

“Who’s the girl?” Harry’s friend asked as two more guys joined them at the table.

“Y/n. A friend.”

“I bet. You gonna go be her friend again tonight?” Paul’s elbow teasingly poked at Harry’s arm.

Harry nodded, “You know what? Maybe I will. Looks like she could use some company.”

Leaving his beer behind at the table with his mates Harry scanned his eyes back towards Gunther who was still enmeshed in whatever was on his cell phone’s screen. He couldn’t believe the guy wasn’t watching you dance. You were a sight.

Harry wound his way through the crowd before he got close enough that he could get your attention. But your eyes were still closed as you sensually moved your hips and swayed to the beat. He began to dance, only a few feet in front of you as he watched you move and feel the music. He stepped in closer, glimpsing down over the skin on your neck and up to how your lips were slightly parted, a bit of sweat building at your brow line.

And when you finally opened your eyes to see the very man you’d had on your mind it came as quite the surprise. You blinked your lashes at him as he grinned down at you, “Harry?”

Your smile stretched over your face as you continued letting the music guide your movements and he took your hand, gently pulling you closer to breach the space between you, “Hi.”

“Hi,” you gazed up at him like you were in a dream. Was he really here? “What are you doing here?”

He laughed and moved his hand to your hip, “Came out with some friends,” he glanced toward the table where Gunther was still laser-focused on his phone, “I see you’ve come with someone as well.”

You followed his gaze and then looked back up at him, “Yeah. Was trying to give him one more shot.”

Harry’s big hand had a firm grip on your hip as you both moved away from the sight of Gunther, still dancing, “One more shot? You think he’s worth it?”

Shaking your head you laid your palm over his chest, “I don’t know. Just wanted to see.”

Harry let out a laugh and shook his head, “You think he’s gonna satisfy you? Or you think you’ll be left wanting once again?”

You felt your face warm up as you shook your head no and shrugged.

“Then why are you here with him, Y/n?”

You shrugged again and looked down at the collar of his shirt, “Just wanted to see if a night out would make it better.”

Harry pulled his free hand around the back of your hip and ducked his head down to your line of sight, “And look at him over there. Not paying you the attention you deserve. If it were me I’d be out here dancing with you and showing you off to everyone.”

You laughed, that smile he was searching for back on your face again, “You are technically out here dancing with me.”

“See? I say what I mean. You’re too special to waste your night with him. You planning on leaving here with him after?”

“Don’t think so. I mean look at him… he doesn’t care if I’m here or not. He probably just wants his blow job and he’s suffering through all this just to get his balls drained,” you laughed and covered your mouth with your free hand. You didn’t know what’d gotten into you saying that but you didn’t regret it when Harry let out a loud guffaw.

“It’s cause you’re so good, Y/n,” Harry ran his hand up your spine to wrap his fingers along the back of your neck, and he ducked his mouth close to your ear to speak, “You know that right? How good you are? Got me all flustered right now thinking about it. Don’t go back with him. He’s not worth it.”

Your eyes fluttered when you felt his warm breath on your ear and down your neck. You loved what he was saying to you but you also knew he was probably just being nice. Like he was to everyone. Like he had been to that girl he let stay over after you. While you were pining over him he was fucking another.

Not that you had any right to be jealous. There were no strings in this relationship.

“I think I’ll just get an Uber back to my place. That’s what I was planning anyway,” you turned in to respond to him.

Harry moved you to the rhythm slowly and the feel of his hands on you was exciting. But you didn’t want to get caught up in how it all felt because you knew you’d just get attached to him. He was so nice and so good and being with him had you feeling like you were special to him. Though, you knew the truth. You were just like everyone else.

Except that every time you looked into his eyes it was deep and there was a well of emotion or something that couldn’t just mean nothing. But maybe that was just you being the silly optimist that you were.

“Can’t believe he didn’t give you anything,” his gaze seared over your face, “Can’t believe he wouldn’t want to.”

You felt his hand gently squeeze the back of your neck and his heart was pumping healthily under your palm. He ducked down again, his voice vibrating off the shell of your ear and the heat of his body enveloping yours, “He’s missing out because you’re so sweet. Feel lucky I got to taste you and he never has. Might sound selfish but I hope you don’t let him.”

You panted when his lips grazed over your earlobe and then he planted a hot kiss to the skin just underneath, “Let me have you again. Come back to mine and I’ll make sure you’re taken care of. Want to taste you and feel, Y/n. Missed you…”

Your brain was blurry as he smudged his lips down your neck. Your skin pricked in delight at the cool air that hit every damp spot left behind by his mouth.

“What the fuck?”

Your little bubble burst when you heard Gunther’s voice. Harry kept his arm around your low back, continuing to hold you close.

“Dude… what is this?”

“It’s… Gunther this is Har–“

“I don’t care who he is. Why is he dancing with you and kissing you?”

“That’s a good question,” Harry responded, “You should have been out here with her but you were too interested in your phone to notice that someone else was enjoying her company and paying attention to her like she deserves.”

Gunther laughed and stumbled forward, trying to pry Harry’s hand from your waist, “Come on…”

“Go home, Gunther,” Harry moved you behind his back and stood tall to look down on your date.

Gunther looked at you, dumbfounded, “Is this guy for real?”

You nodded and grabbed onto Harry’s arm, “Yeah. You should leave and get some rest. I think you’ve had too much to drink. I’m sorry–“

“Don’t apologize to him. He should have been acting like your date.”

“So, you’re not coming back to my room with me? My roommate’s out all night, Y/n…”

Shaking your head you stepped next to Harry, “No. I’m not. I think I’m just gonna go home myself–“

Harry looked down at you, “You sure you want to go home?”

“Fine. This was a lame date, anyway,” Gunther laughed and pointed at you, “Don’t call me again.”

Rolling your eyes as your date walked off you looked back up at Harry who was still looking down at you with a confused expression, “You really don’t want to come with me?”

You swallowed and let go of his arm, “It’s not that… It’s just kind of complicated and a mess of things I don’t want to explain…”

Harry took your hand, “Try me.”

You shook your head as you both moved away from the crowd of swaying bodies, “This isn’t a therapy session, Harry. I have real feelings and I’m not cut out for casual like some people.”

He followed you toward your table where you had left your purse. You wanted to make sure you got it before anyone else did.

“What does that mean, Y/n? Talk to me.”

When you pulled your purse over your shoulder you shrugged as you looked up at him, “Come on Harry. You know what I mean. You and I are in different leagues. You are having fun and sleeping with all these people, which you’re totally allowed to do! And I barely have any experience and was even so desperate that I went out with Gunther again in hopes of some kind of connection–“

“Hey,” Harry softly grabbed your face and let the pads of his thumbs graze over your cheekbones, “You and me have a connection. And there are no leagues, Y/n… that’s something made up.”

You puffed out a laugh but you really wanted to melt into him, at his soft touch, “But we’re looking for different things, Harry. And that’s fine, really… I should go…” You began to walk toward the exit and Harry followed you out the doors.

The silence and the darkness outside were only tempered by the streetlights with the noise of a car passing and the bass of the music coming from inside the bar you’d just walked out of.

“I hope you don’t think I took your company for granted, Y/n. I really, genuinely like you. Haven’t stopped thinking about you since our last night together.”

You nodded with a faint smile, “That’s nice to hear. I know you’re a super nice guy, Harry. And I hope this doesn’t sound rude or anything… but it’s just hard for me to really believe you were thinking much of me afterward. I imagine you stay booked and busy.”

Harry’s brows stitched together, “Booked and busy? I don’t just have lots of girls over all the time, Y/n. I am a busy man though. I’m in my coursework program and working on my thesis. I’m not just fucking around all the time. Haven’t had anyone over since you, actually.”

You narrowed your eyes at him, “No? What about a pretty blond who stayed the night with you? I’m guessing it was last week?”

He shook his head, “Had no one over last week.”

“Really?” You looked down at the concrete sidewalk and wondered if you’d gotten it wrong. You swore it sounded like she had just seen him the way she was talking.

Harry pulled your hand into his, “You’re the last girl I had over. Was supposed to see someone the other day but I canceled. Wasn’t feeling it anymore.”

You sighed, “I mean… obviously you can do what you want and see who you please. I’m just… my point is that I’m worried about getting attached. You’re good at casual and I’m not. So… seeing you again might be fine for you but for me, it holds so much more meaning. It’s just how I’m programmed. I can’t help it.”

He nodded and bit the inside of his cheek. He didn’t know why that little confession had his heart twisting, “I see. So you wouldn’t want to see me again then?”

“It’s not that I wouldn’t want to. I think you’re fun and we had a really good time but I don’t know if I can handle being one of the many. When I overheard someone talking about sleeping with you…” you shook your head, “I was sick to my stomach even though I have no right to feel that way. Does that make sense? And I’m not like saying,” you gestured your arms about, “… that I’m already attached or anything. It’s just I am not cut out for being with someone who’s also sleeping with others. So it’s better to cut our losses. My losses… before I actually get hurt.”

Harry could understand that. He’d dealt with this before. Girls getting jealous of other girls. And so then at that point, it was time to part ways as amicably as possible. Because Harry was a single man and not ready for commitments like that. His only commitments were finishing his thesis, getting his doctorate, and working toward opening his own practice one day. That was where his heart was. Not with any one girl who might come along. Perhaps one day he’d settle down. After he met all his life’s goals first.

But looking at you and your pretty eyes, the ones that had him in a trance, the ones he couldn’t stop thinking about that had him canceling on another girl… well he was quite torn. He didn’t know what he was feeling exactly. All he knew was that he had a plan, a path he’d forged and would continue on until he got what he wanted. And never in that plan did he imagine meeting someone along the way who could disrupt any part of that.

“I wish you’d reconsider.”

You shook your head as you looked at his soft green irises, wondering if that would be the last time you’d get to see them up close. You wanted to repeat his words to him. I wish you’d reconsider. Because that’s what it would take. You couldn’t do casual and you’d drive yourself mad knowing he was sleeping with others. There was nothing wrong with Harry. In fact he was quite astonishing and impressive. But that would only make the eventual parting even worse for you and so you figured it was better this way. It would be nice to have him again but you’d just be falling deeper into that hole. You knew yourself all too well.

Your Uber had arrived and you smiled up at Harry, “I can’t. I found myself thinking about you too much and just imagining how it’d be if we did more… I’d really be a mess. But truly, you’ve been so great, Harry. I wish you all the best.”

You climbed into the back of the black Toyota and Harry thought he should stop you. He thought he should climb in after you and tell you that you were making a mistake. That he really didn’t know what he was doing but he couldn’t just let you leave like that. He could figure it out if he did it with you.

But God, what was he thinking? Why would he do that? He didn’t know you well enough to be making such big decisions that could derail the very rigid plans he’d already made for himself. So he let you go. He watched as the car took you down the street until you were out of sight completely and he felt like something was missing. For the first time ever there was a pit in his gut, an obstruction that had him faltering. Had he just fucked up? Or had he done something that was for the better?

He honestly didn’t know.

.           .           .

The university you attended was like a small town. Thousands of people attended classes and milled about the campus every day. And despite how many people there were gossip was quickly and easily spread. It shouldn’t have surprised you because if there was one thing a college girly was good at, it was gossiping and learning more details about gossip they heard. And who happened to be one of the most talked about grad students on campus? To your utter dismay, the name of one of the most popular and attractive guys at university was Harry Styles. You’d never paid much attention to it before you met him. But now every time his name came up you were all ears.

Now you didn’t go believing all the things you heard in general. Most gossip was easy enough to ignore or brush off as inconsequential or probably a downright lie. But your ears did perk up when you were at a frat party and you heard Harry’s name mentioned. And the only reason you even heard it was because your roommate was chatting with a girl who was talking about him.

“Yeah, I guess Harry’s been seeing people but not doing anything with them. Like he brings them to his place or whatever and then he just freezes and apologizes but Lora said, and I’m just saying what I heard from her, that he really liked some chick and she didn’t want to see him again and he can’t get over her or something?”

“That’s interesting. I heard he canceled on someone a month ago- Amy’s friend who hung out with him once. So maybe this has been going on since then?”

Your roommate turned to look at you, narrowing her eyes and you knew what she was thinking. But even if the part about him being upset over some “chick” was true, certainly that had nothing to do with you.

“I heard the same thing,” another girl chimed in, “My brother is in a class with him and he said Harry’s been kind of down I guess.”

“Your brother takes note of his mood?” One of the girls laughed.

“Oh yeah. Only because I ask about him. When I found out he had a class with Harry I was like tell me everything!” She laughed.

You had a feeling that most of what you were hearing was false. Harry was so confident and just having a good time you couldn’t imagine he’d freeze up around anyone like that.

As the night went on, the frat house became packed with people. Dancing bodies, music, drugs, alcohol, hookups… You were there for the dancing and alcohol part. Your roommate had her eye on the debate team champ, Alex, and was hoping to get lucky finally (they’d been kind of playing a cat-and-mouse game that she was ready to finish once and for all).

You kept your drink in hand the whole time. Only refilling when necessary and trying not to get too wasted. That was never cute and it was also dangerous. But you loved dancing and letting loose with others who were just as bad at dancing as you were. It was fun to not worry about what you looked like because no one really cared.

Except that when you heard Gunther’s voice from behind you and felt his sticky hand on your arm you wanted to vomit, “Look so good, Y/n…”

He was drunk. His voice was slurred and you were annoyed at his presence. You pulled away from him but being the nice girl you were you smiled and made small talk for a bit as you kept moving your hips to the music.

“Come back to my room again tonight. Miss this mouth,” he plucked at your lip and you swatted his hand away, the smile on your face dropping instantly. No more nice girl.

“No thanks.” You turned to leave the area where everyone was dancing to get away but he followed behind.

“Oh, come on. You love sucking me off. You’re so good at it too.”

Finally. A compliment. But of course, it was too little too late and certainly not the time nor the place for such words. Besides, you were no longer attracted to him, and no matter what angle he tried it wasn’t going to work.

“Go away, Gunther!” You suddenly snapped at him and he stopped mid-stride and looked at you like you had two heads with horns.

He lifted his hands in surrender, “Okay. Fine. Jesus.”

You turned to make your way to the kitchen for a refill when you saw something that made your heart drop and your stomach bubble in gross shock. It was Harry Styles dancing slowly behind some cute girl, his arms wrapped around her front, leaning down to her shorter height and he was kissing the side of her neck.

Your Harry. The one who had you all gooey and giddy after that “session”. The one who kissed your neck not that long ago. You wished he was dancing behind you like that. You wished you hadn’t been so sensitive and that you could throw caution to the wind and not care that he was sleeping with others. You wished you could have just given in that night at the bar and gone back to his… But you said no to him. And now here he was with someone else.

You gulped and turned to go to the bathroom instead, Gunther still eyeing you up from the spot where you’d left him.

You stayed in the bathroom for a bit. Not wanting to go out and see Harry and the cute brunette dancing. You knew she was in for a treat later on. But that should have been you. Pouting at yourself in the mirror you felt ridiculous. You knew what it was with Harry. That he was a free and single man and could do as he pleased. You really had no right to feel upset over what you’d seen. He’d done nothing wrong.

Dumping out the last bit of your drink in the sink you figured maybe it was just time to leave. You didn’t want to have to deal with Gunther nor did you feel like seeing Harry all over someone else. Perhaps tonight was just not going to be your night.

As you opened the bathroom door a figure stood in the way and your immediate thought was that Gunther had followed you but as you trailed your eyes upward it was clear the man was taller and you didn’t miss the nail polish on his fingers when he gripped the door. Everything stopped. The music, the air around your body, your heart…

“Y/n…” That deep voice spoke your name like it belonged on his tongue.

You looked up at him, removing your hand from the doorknob, and gave him a confused smile, “Hi Harry. What are you doing?”

He seemed off. Not drunk but maybe not quite sober either? You weren’t sure what to make of his behavior as he pulled the door open and stepped into the bathroom, closing it behind himself.

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” he stepped in toward you, your bottom hitting the edge of the porcelain sink, “Nothing makes sense lately. Just want to go back to how things were but I can’t. S’like I’ve got some kind of block. Something’s missing…”

You shook your head, not really understanding what he was talking about as he continued.

“I don’t know what’s going on in my head. Are you really still with Gunther?” He looked hurt. Wounded almost.

“No. After that night at the bar, I haven’t talked to him. He just happened to be here.” “You were dancing with him.”

“Well, not really. I was dancing and then he came up behind me. I was just being nice talking to him but then he said something and…” you scoffed, “Why does it matter? You were dancing with someone else. And you were all over her. You should be out there with her enjoying yourself, Harry.”

“Can’t. Haven’t been able to enjoy anyone. Don’t want to anymore. Every time I do this now I just… can’t.”

“But you were. You were kissing her neck, having fun. Looked quite cozied up to her, Harry. I imagine she’s waiting for you to return right now.”

“I mean I can’t lie to myself anymore. I’ve been kidding myself. I can never go through with it. I don’t want her. That was just a show. When I saw you with him… it’s dumb. I don’t know what I’m doing, Y/n.”

You sighed and scanned his face. He did seem down, “So why are you here in the bathroom with me? Did you want to talk to me? Is there something I can do?”

Truly you were racking your brain trying to figure out why he was there and why he was telling you everything he was. Now you weren’t a dumb girl, but you would never have assumed what he was about to tell you in his next breath.

“Yes. There is something…” he swallowed, his soft green irises fixed on your mouth, “Can you kiss me? Just once more. I just need to see something with you. Is that okay?”

You felt dizzy. Felt confused. Felt your breaths shallow as he looked back into your eyes, “What? I don’t understand. Why?”

Harry softly brushed his knuckles against yours, “Because I can’t stop thinking about you and every time I try to see someone I just see you. And it’s driving me mad and I don’t understand it really but I just need to know something and I think if I could kiss you maybe it would help clear up the fog in my brain.”

“The fog…” you whispered the words back to him and felt his fingertips against yours. And it was suddenly clear to you what he was saying. You were the one who had him all messed up. The “chick” he couldn’t get over. You didn’t know how it was possible or why but it was and he was begging you with his eyes and his fingertips. The heat of him standing only inches away from you was beckoning you to give in.  

When you wound your fingers through his and gently pulled him closer, your lashes fluttering up at him, you saw a light in his eyes, a sparkle of something like wonder and hope and relief. The strange nervous, tense energy you spotted when he first walked into the bathroom with you was suddenly gone.

He brought a hand up to your face, his long fingers curving around to the back of your neck, “It’s okay? I can kiss you, Y/n?”

“Yes. It’s okay, Harry.”

Closing his eyes, a shaky breath fell from his mouth as he relieved his lungs of the pressure in his chest and you braced yourself for his lips on yours but it wasn’t at all what you expected. It wasn’t rushed or filled with filth and lust. It wasn’t slobbery with an excited tongue finding its way into your mouth or teeth colliding in haste.

No. It was filled with warmth and it was soft, slow. He pressed his lips to yours and ran his thumb gently over your cheekbone, inhaling deeply. He squeezed your hand and lulled his lips up and down to the edge of your mouth and delicately swiped his tongue over your bottom lip. The warmth created embers as you parted your lips and ran your tongue against his and your heart lobbed in your chest at the emotion and the meaning you felt pouring from him.

He refused to rush the kiss, slowly opening and closing his lips against and around yours, softly licking and breathing and touching your face and your hand. And when you let out a small whimper the embers caught on fire and his hips were against yours and the fingers at the back of your neck held your face against his as he worshipped your mouth and you felt his nose nudge into yours before he gasped and spoke, keeping his eyes closed, “It’s you. It’s what I want. All I want. I knew it.”

You blinked your eyes open and cupped his jaw, “Harry… what do you mean?”

With his eyes still shut he sighed, “I just mean it’s you that I can’t move on from. I can’t describe it right now but you’ve done something to me and I need more of it.”

In most circumstances, those words would be music to your ears. But you were terrified of getting hurt. Terrified that he was just confused and if you entertained whatever this was he’d realize it wasn’t all that deep and he’d go back to his “tutoring”. Because he had said that when he first got into the bathroom with you. That he just wanted things to go back to how they were. And if you were just a means to an end, well, you didn’t want to be part of that, for your own sake.

“So you’re hoping that now things can go back to how they were before me? Yeah?”

Harry’s eyes opened and he looked down at you, shaking his head, “No. They can’t. I can’t. That kiss, Y/n… Was exactly what I thought. Can we get out of here? Go somewhere and talk?”

He was convincing. How could he not be? His irises were brighter and greener than they were before you kissed him and the thumb he smoothed over your jaw and to your earlobe had you melting, relenting. So you nodded to him and said your goodbyes to the two friends you arrived at the party with, following him outside, keeping your hand in his the whole time.

Your dorm room was closer so you decided to go there and it was like you were walking through a scene in some surreal movie that you couldn’t wait to find out what the ending was going to be. But before you could even get to your dorm, Harry had you against the wall at the art building, and the rush and the lust that you hadn’t quite gotten earlier in the bathroom was suddenly burning all around you.

Wet lips and hasty, shaky hands, hips pasted together away from the streetlamp that illuminated the sidewalk only feet from you… A heart-racing blur. Nipped lips and stifled moans, heaving chests…

And then a hurry to get to your building and find your way up to your room before the dizzy haze of Harry enveloped you again and it was all-consuming. You couldn’t peel yourself away from him and his lips found your neck and your skin and you pushed your hand under his shirt to touch his warm chest.

But he parted from you with a gasp, his chest rising and falling so rapidly his lungs were likely struggling to keep up.

“I’m sorry. That… Y/n I just really really like you.”

Pulling your hand from his chest you nodded at him and shifted on your bed so you could sit to your bottom next to him, “I like you too, Harry.” Obviously.

He ran a hand through his hair and nodded as he looked down at his lap and then dragged your hand over his thigh, sliding his fingers between yours, “I mean I want to be with you. I can’t even think about anyone else. I don’t want anyone else.”

You watched as Harry drew his fingers over your knuckles and between your digits then pressed his palm against yours.

“But… so you don’t want to like have what you had before? Like all the girls and the… you know,” you breathed out a laugh that was full of nerves, “The sessions? Weren’t you just having fun?”

He shook his head and turned to look at you, “It was fun. But it wound up just being kind of empty after a bit. Didn’t really get what I was looking for. I mean at first, I didn’t even know what I was looking for. But you know how you said you gave Gunther one last shot because you were hoping for some kind of connection?”

You nodded as you worried your bottom lip between your teeth, wondering where he was going with all of it. Was he really about to say what you thought he was?

“I realized that’s what I was looking for. And you… Y/n there’s just this thing with you. I never connected with someone like that before. I never felt so… I can’t like describe…” he paused as he collected his thoughts, “Breathless? Or like… achy here,” he lifted a hand to his chest over his heart, “It’s this stinging dread, just a hopeless feeling. I never cared if someone didn’t want to see me again. But I cared a lot when you didn’t want to. It hurt.”

Those were the kinds of feelings you felt when you liked someone who didn’t like you back. It was that exact description that you were worried about with Harry. You were worried you’d feel all that and then he’d be with someone else the next week. It was for fear of that very thing. But he was feeling it. That devastation.

“I understand exactly. That’s why I didn’t want to see you again. Because I was worried I’d start to feel that too. And it hurts so much that it was easier to part ways before it got to that point. So I get it.”

“I don’t want to do it anymore. With anyone else. I’m done. And I’m so close to what I want… my degree. So I thought it was too much to focus on just one person but I think I was wrong. It’s a lot of work having people come and go. Maybe it’s better to just have someone I can trust and someone who’s there for me. Just one person who I feel a real connection with.”

You swallowed the lump down your throat and your tummy was in knots. It truly did feel like you were in a surreal movie scene all dreamy and untidy with bursts of vivid colors and soft stringed music slowly intensifying as the minutes drew on.

“Would you want that with me? To see what happens? I’m not saying it would be like a fairytale or anything but like… just a normal relationship. Get to figure out what this is between us and learn about each other. Just the two of us.”

“So, me and you?”

“Yeah. Me and you. Not something casual. I’d only want to see you.”

You hadn’t imagined your night going in this direction and it still felt like you were about to have a director enter your room and yell cut! It didn’t quite feel real but it was. Harry was sitting next to you on your bed with his hypnotizing bright green eyes on you, caressing your fingers and your palm with his.

“Okay. Yeah,” you breathed out your words and Harry’s pink lips turned upward in a boyish smile complete with adorable dimples and you couldn’t help but return the expression but it only lasted for a second or two before his lips were pressed against yours again.

Everything about him was intoxicating. His body against yours, his hands on your face and squeezing your hip as he laid you both down in your small bed. You wrapped your arms around him as he ran his tongue over the seam of your lips and it turned into something dirty and desperate, your hands grabbing at him and his fingers trailing under your shirt.

He squeezed at your bum, your jeans blocking him from feeling you unencumbered and then he parted from the kiss, his hair all wild and strewn about from your fingers, “Can we do this here? Is your roommate coming back?”

You looked at the clock on the table at the side of the room and it was well past 2 in the morning. You honestly weren’t sure if she was coming back but you knew she had hopes of going back to Alex’s place. But you also didn’t care. At least not in that moment with Harry right there with you, his scent all over your body, his jeans unzipped, and his shoes somewhere in your room.

“I don’t know. She might be out all night. Just… If she comes back we’ll cover up,” you laughed. You had once again lost your mind. Harry seemed to have you in some lusty trance you couldn’t break. Didn’t want to break.

Harry ducked down to kiss your neck as he fit himself between your legs, the bed squeaking under the sudden shift of weight. You could feel his open pants against your hip. You’d gotten a bit carried away when you were making out and undid them for him, to which he laughed but didn’t stop you. And now, that convenient thing was seductively calling to you as you reached your hand down to push at his pants.

“In a hurry are we?” He looked down at your hand and then at your face.

“Not really. I don’t know. I just want… you.”

Harry’s lids were heavy as he blinked his eyes, “Well you can have me. Whatever you want.”

He pressed the tip of his nose to yours before smearing his mouth against your lips and your fingers were back in his hair once again. Slow and luxurious. Hasty and filthy… Harry kissed you like he didn’t know which way was best. But you were getting fired up from the way he was doing it. You didn’t care, you just wanted it. Wanted his mouth and his tongue, his hands and his body, his moans and his hair between your fingers.

You were hot. Molten underneath him. Your panties were ruined and you were sure he knew what he was doing. Your mind wandered to where you’d put your condoms and then you felt his hands on your hip as he slowly began to slide your shirt upward.

He sat back, plucking at the front of his pants, and then put his hands back on your waist, “Can I get this off? All of it?”

You nodded and grinned with your lip bitten into your mouth as Harry got rid of your t-shirt and then unbuttoned your pants, “You too. Can we get your clothes off too?” You spoke as you lifted your hips and let him peel your jeans down your legs.

Harry grinned at you, “Absolutely. You already did part of the work here anyway,” he laughed as he gestured toward his unzipped pants.

Harry was left in his boxer briefs when the last thing you had to get rid of was your light blue panties. But Harry seemed quite transfixed by the wet spot on the fabric over your pussy. You were so wet the whole of the crotch was clinging to you, outlining what was underneath and Harry slid his thumb over the top of the material and parted his lip before looking up your face, “Fuck.”

You panted softly when he bumped into your clit and pressed over the slick spot, “Does that feel good, Y/n?”

You nodded, “Yeah. That feels good…”

“So warm and wet for me,” he drew his hand up to the elastic waistband and pulled it downward, “Gonna take a closer look. S’that alright?”

You were full of nothing but yes as you knocked your head up and down affirmatively and bounced your gaze from his eyes to where he was disrobing the last bit of material covering you.

He pushed out a quick succession of what sounded like a breathy whistle as he took you in with his eyes, his fingertips holding the soft, mushy part of your inner thighs so you stayed spread, “Fuck. Fuck, honey…” he licked his lips and looked up at you as he ran his thumb through your folds, “Can I have some of this again? Taste…”

He sounded almost as delirious as you felt. Taste… eat… suck… fuck… whatever he wanted. You nodded, “Yes, Harry.”

He leaned over your body, pressing his chest against yours, and kissed your mouth before dragging his lips down your neck and to your tits, stopping to suck and lick each one before he drew his hot mouth downward, sponging kisses over your tummy and to your hips.

Your legs were brought up to drape over his shoulders as he held onto your thighs and then watched you as he licked up from your gushy hole to your clit.

The sounds that fell from your mouth were pitiful. You had an ache that needed to be relieved and it seemed only Harry could do it. Every swipe of his tongue through your crease had you slipping toward the edge of the earth, “Harry…”

You did your best to keep your eyes on his, knowing that’s what he liked but you couldn’t help throwing your head back every time he sucked your clit and rolled it under his tongue. He was better than your clit sucker. He was better than anything or anyone else.

“Mmmm…” your attempt at stifling your moans only goaded Harry even more. He drew his lips over your clit and slid them side to side and the pressure that was building in your tummy had you shaking.

“Will you…” you gasped and pulled at his hair, “Can we have sex?”

You had an immediate urge. A need to feel him closer. Wanted him inside of you right then.

Harry lifted his face from your pussy and licked his lips, “You sure? You’ve had sex before, yeah?”

You laughed and let go of his curls with a nod, “Just with one person. I’m not very good.”

“I’m sure you’re amazing, Y/n,” he sat back, gently placing your legs down and you pushed yourself to sit up.

“I don’t know,” you grinned at him and ran your foot over his thigh, “Maybe you could give me a proper lesson. Think I need tutoring.”

Harry wrapped his palm around your ankle and shot a cheeky eyebrow up, “Oh you need tutoring, do you? Well, you didn’t sign up for a lesson with me. Think you’re just gonna get a freebie?” He laughed.

You shrugged as he lifted himself and began to pull his boxer briefs down his hips. Your eyes focused on his big cock. You couldn’t wait to see what’d feel like inside of you. You were positive he’d be gentle and give it to you good.

“So what are you saying? You charge for your services now?”

Harry pursed his lips to the side and smoothed his hands up your calves, “Teaching is hard work, Y/n.”

“I bet. How about just one last lesson? For me?” You bit your lip, rounding your eyes at him.

“Fine. Just for you.”

“Condoms are in the top drawer,” you pointed to your dresser, “Never been opened.”

He began to move off your bed but then paused, “Never opened?”

“Well, the guy I slept with had his own and we only did it twice so I’ve never used the ones I bought.”

You watched him walk to your dresser to find the unopened box of Trojans. Harry was so fit and masculine and his ass was gorgeous. He was a work of art from behind but when he turned and walked toward you he was angelic. His toned abs and strong thighs, skin littered with tattoos and bits of hair on his pecs, his handsome face, and of course, the heavy, thick organ between his legs, swollen and hard. Just for you.

He kneed up to you on the bed and handed you the wrapper with the condom, “Ever put a condom on a penis before?” He asked as he stroked himself

You shook your head and tore the wrapper open. When you had the rubber in your palm Harry flipped it over, “This side goes on my tip.”

You brought the condom to his tip and looked up at him as you began to roll the rubber downward but he stopped you, “That’s good. But first, pinch the top here, like this,” he brought your fingers to the top of the rubber and pulled at it away from his crown, “Just gives a little space for movement and for my come.”

You gulped at the image in your brain of the condom being filled with his come after orgasm. His shaft was wide and long as the rubber was rolled down as far as it could reach.

You looked up at his face and he was watching you closely with a soft smile, “Very good.”

Harry scooted himself between your legs, his knees butting against the back of your thighs as he smeared his fingers through your folds, “We’ll go slow. I want to make sure everything feels good. When you had sex before, did you come?

You shook your head no.

“And how did you do it? Was he on top?”

You nodded, “Yeah, he was on top of me. It was kind of quick. Both times. I lied and told him I came.”

“Okay. Did he keep your clit stimulated?” He asked as he thumbed at your clit, mushing into it to drive the point home.

You gasped softly, “No. Never touched it.”

“Not even once? What about foreplay?” He circled your bud and the slickness from your pussy began to coat his fingers.

“We just made out and he fingered me and I did get wet. But he never touched… ohhh….” Harry slid two long fingers into your entrance and you looked down to view the spectacle.

His hand was wet with your arousal as he pumped his fingers in and out slowly, “So you’ve just had a string of bad lovers. I’m gonna do my best to make up for it.”

You sighed as he dragged the pads of his fingers along your front wall before pushing them back into his knuckles, “You’re so wet and ready. You deserve to feel good, Y/n. Deserve to have someone care for you.”

You ticked your hips upward slightly and Harry pumped into you a bit harder, the gushy noises of your pussy getting fingered sounded dirty but so good.

When he pulled his fingers from you he held the base of his shaft in his palm and smoothed his free hand up your tummy, “We’ll start off with you on your back. I’m going to go in gently. Okay?”

You nodded and shot your eyes down to his cock and then back up to his face.

“There you go, just keep your eyes on me. Tell me if anything is uncomfortable.”

Harry pulled at your hand and brought your fingertips over your mound, “Rub your clit the way that feels best for you. Okay?”

“Mmhmm…” you nodded and slid your fingers over your nub as you kept your eyes on his.

The initial stretch of your slick muscle around his thick head had you gasping. He inhaled through his teeth and pressed in slowly, “Your body is so turned on. That feels all right, yeah?”

“Yes… feels good.”

“Yeah? Feels good for me too.” He was breathy as he sunk into you and then pulled back a few inches, looking down at where your bodies were connected, half his cock buried inside of you.

And it surprised you how thick he was and how much of him you felt. You’d always heard you don’t feel much when there’s a penis inside of you but Harry’s penis was definitely working into you and spreading your insides apart.

With your fingers delicately running over your bud you moaned, “Oh god… Harry…”

He gripped your thighs and pulled you closer before shifting himself over you, “We’re gonna make sure it feels so good okay? You’re kind of shallow and I can feel the resistance at this spot here,” he rutted in and you gasped, “Like that… depends on where you are in your cycle could be shallower or more space, but I’m only gonna push in as far as is comfortable for you.”

He had his hand on your cheek as he spoke, “Still feels okay right now?”

You nodded, “Yes. You can go deeper. Wanna feel it.”

Harry groaned softly and pressed his lips to yours. You had to pull your hand away from your clit because his pelvis was taking the place of where your fingers were. When he plunged himself in further you felt a delicious pinch and you panted into his mouth.

“Don’t want to hit your cervix. Usually, it’s not comfortable. I’m getting in there pretty deep, though. You okay?”

“Please… it’s okay.” You did want to feel it. Wanted to have him stuff you full and make you ache and burn and wince in pain. The dildo you used always hit your cervix and you didn’t mind the way it felt. Some days you liked it more than others, depending on how horny you were. And in that moment, you’d never been hornier. You wanted to feel him ruin you.

Harry let out a breathy laugh and pushed himself up so he could look into your eyes, “You want to feel it, honey?”

Nodding your head you felt him spread you apart and fuck into you with one deep rut. Your body bounced upward and you gasped.

He stilled his hips and stayed buried inside of you, his hand on your cheek, “That’s it right there, Y/n. Can’t get it in any further. You like that?”

It was obvious you did. The look on your face told him as much. Your eyes were fluttering and your mouth dropped open as you lifted into him, mushing your clit against his solid pelvis, “Mmm yeah…”

Harry swallowed as he watched your features soften then and scrunch with every thrust. He smoothed his thumb over your bottom lip and you licked at the pad of his digit before you wrapped your lips around it and he was in awe of how filthy you really were when he felt your nails dig into his back.

“S’hurt, honey? At all?”

You moaned around his thumb, your eyes blinking up at him, and nodded before hitching your leg up over his hip to indicate you still wanted more, pushing him in closer with the heel of your foot.

So you wanted it to hurt. At least a little anyway. Harry wasn’t going in hard and he wouldn’t. Not yet. Not until he learned exactly what you liked and what your body needed first. But every time he bottomed out you grunted and sucked on his thumb harder and he was losing it.

“Fuck… you’re so hot, Y/n. Look at you with your lips wrapped around my thumb. You just needed something to suck on, didn’t you? And you feel so good around me. So wet and warm, honey…”

You’d never had a man’s fingers in your mouth. You had no idea what you were doing but when Harry slid his thumb over your bottom lip it just came naturally to you. To pull it into your mouth and it was… god it was taking you over the edge. And he seemed to like it as you swiped your tongue around his skin.

But better yet? His cock. You were so full and it was so incredible to have him like that. The other guy you slept with was fine. But now you’d never want “fine” again. Not after this. Not with the way Harry was pulling himself back and then rocking into you, every plunge better than the last. He didn’t pound into you or try to race to the end. He wanted to make it good for you.

He began to pant deeply, his gasps lined with moans as his thrusts became clumsy and he stilled his hips before pulling his thumb from your mouth, “Let’s get you on top. Okay? Wanna watch you ride me and let you take control. Bet you’re gonna be good at it, aren’t you?” His irises scanned your face as he spoke, his thumb at your cheekbone dragging upward.

“I don’t know? I hope so…” you breathed as he nudged himself upward, deeper, “I do wanna be good for you.”

Harry moaned, “Yeah? You are good for me, honey. My favorite. You don’t even realize how good you are but I’m gonna keep telling you til you believe it. Okay?”

Your eyes were heavy and your body was hot. You nodded and let out a breathy, “Okay…”

“That’s right. Now we’ll have you get on top. Wanna watch my pretty girl get herself off on my cock.”

You felt him slide out of you and you looked down at his long condom-covered dick, coated in your juice. Everything smelled of sex as he dipped down and kissed your mouth before climbing next to you and lying down. He pulled at your hips, bringing you over his lap as you placed your palms on his chest and settled your pussy down at the base of his shaft. You wrapped your palm around him and slid it up and down to feel the rigidness of him. He was so hard and thick it made your mouth water.

With his fingers still at your hips he squeezed gently, “Depending on your angle it’s gonna feel very deep. Sometimes it can ache a little bit because I’ll be tucked up into your cervix,” he moved one hand toward the front of your low tummy, “But you can control how deep I get. Can even tilt your pelvis downward which will give your clit more stimulation. Might make it easier for you to come.”

You looked between your legs as you lifted your hips and rocked forward so you could press your entrance over his cock but then you felt his hand on your chin, directing your sight back to him, “Keep your eyes on me. Want to see your face while you’re pushing me inside of your pretty cunt, okay?”

You nodded and began to push yourself down. He fit inside of you so nicely. All snug and warm, packed inside of your guts. Every inch you took you could feel stretching your wall apart.

Keeping your eyes on his you raised your hips upward and then sunk down further to adjust, letting out a puff of breath as your lips parted until your bum was seated on his lap, his cock stuffing you to the brim.

Harry moaned, “Yes. Good fucking girl,” he made sure to praise you as much as he could because he noted how your eyes lit up every time he did it. Pulling at your hips, he brought your pelvis downward, “This is kind of like the starting position. You only need to grind and rub upward, don’t even have to lift off of me. Just slide in toward my belly button,” he pulled at you, causing you to drag upward on his cock but keeping your clit down against his pelvis, “See? Feels good cause you can keep your clit stimulated this way too. Let’s do this for a bit. Just get used to the motion here and do what feels good.”

It was easier than you thought. Your knees and shins were pressed into the mattress along the sides of Harry’s hips as you slid yourself upward. You’d always imagined it being some crazy acrobatic feat where you sat like a frog and bounced up and down like a pornstar. But this? This you could do. And it felt so intimate. Your palms were pressed into his chest, his hands moved down to your ass as he assisted you along his shaft and then back along to his base.

“Tell me how it feels, honey. The look on your face says you like it but want to make sure…”

You rocked your hips, gripping around him and pulling upward with your eyes on his, “It’s… god… it feels so good, Harry…”

“Feels good for me too. Love this angle,” he moved a hand up to your breasts and palmed at your nipples as you continued fucking yourself on him.

When you’d gotten into the movements and found a rhythm you could hear the wetness coming from your pussy every time you slid up and down his cock.

Harry continued smoothing his hand over your tits, “If you really want to feel me deep, lean back a bit.”

Pushing yourself to sit upright you adjusted your hips and the new angle had him deeper than he was before. You hissed as you swiveled your hips and Harry grunted, running his hand back down to your low tummy, “How’s that feel?”

“It’s kind of achy, but feels really good,” you spoke softly, looking into his eyes as you shifted your pelvis.

“God you’re taking me so well, honey… Look so gorgeous on top of me, pretty tits in my face, fucking yourself on my cock... making yourself feel good.”

Everything felt good. You were sure it was because of Harry. All the nice things he was saying had your head spinning and your heart thrashing.

He knew of course that you didn’t need instructions. You might not have had as much experience as he did but sex was something that came naturally for most. And you were so into it and your innate eroticism was shining through your more reserved demeanor.

Harry began to thrust upward, rocking into you, sticking himself in deep. He had one hand caressing your tits and the other pressed into your tummy. You weren’t sure why he was touching your tummy but when he thrust upward into you sharply you cried out and he pressed harder, “Fuck! You’ve got me so deep inside of you, honey. You wanna feel this?”

You reached your hand down to where his was, your hips writhing over him as he punched himself upward and you gasped when you felt the bulge in your tummy under your palm. He did it again and moaned with you, “Oh my god!”

You could feel his cock pressing through you when you put enough pressure on your tummy with your hand.

“Come here,” Harry wrapped his fingers around the back of your neck and pulled you down, making you tilt toward him and smeared his lips against yours. The angle where you could rub your clit on his pelvis was the best. It felt so good and you began to rock yourself over him with whimpers into his mouth.

Harry smiled into the kiss, “Bet you’ve humped your pillow before. So you know how to do this. Sliding over my cock so perfectly, Y/n.”

You pushed your palms into his chest and rolled down over him, hips pasted to his. Your orgasm was already beginning to build and singe in your body as you nodded.

His hands were on your hips as he let you take control and ride him how you wanted, “I knew it. Already have experience with this position, yeah? You wanna come, honey? You gonna fuck yourself on my cock til you’re seeing stars?”

You moaned and nodded with your lips parted.

“That’s right. You already know what to do. Now hump it like a good girl. Show me how you do it, honey…”

Harry’s words were so sweet and yet filled with filth. You loved the way he spoke to you with such care but he could turn it so dirty in a heartbeat. Likening you riding his cock to humping your pillow somehow just pushed you over the edge. And you definitely saw stars as your face twisted up and you choked out his name, “Haaarrry! Harry! Yes!! Ohhhh…”

Your pulsing insides encased Harry’s cock and he let you take what you needed as he moaned and watched your tits bounce and sway with every rock of your hips until his balls were squeezing tight and his throbbing cock couldn’t resist the way you gripped around him.

You didn’t hear Harry’s grunts or his breathy moans as he pumped into you. You didn’t see his face contort in pleasure as he kept his eyes focused on you, the pretty girl coming on his cock. You didn’t take note of how when he’d fully emptied himself into his condom he was still watching you in awe as you were breathlessly panting over him, still coming around him, milking every last bit of him out into the rubber that separated your wet cunt from his thick shaft.

You didn’t notice any of that until you finally caught your breath and felt your body tremble as you looked down at him and felt his fingertips digging into the meat of your hips and saw his heavy eyes watching you. You were going to apologize about how you forgot to look at him when you were coming but he pulled you down over his chest and held you against himself. You could feel his heart beating in his chest and his lungs filling with air on every inhale.

He smoothed his hand down your back and to your bottom, “You okay?”

You puffed out a laugh against his chest. It was funny because obviously you were more than okay. You’d just come so hard your ears were ringing and your vision had nearly gone black just before. Your entire body was limp and wobbly over him as he caressed your bottom and your back.

“Fuck, honey. You came so hard. Did so good.”

You sighed and smiled to yourself as you pushed your hands into his hair, “I did?”

“Mmm… so good, Y/n. Deserve an award for that one.” He chuckled and you could feel the vibrations in his chest against yours.

Smoothing a hand down to his pec you lifted your head to look at him and laughed, “What kind of an award?”  

Harry slid his hand up to your face, “One of those gold star stickers teachers use. I think I’ve got a pack of them actually. Could put it on your t-shirt so everyone knows how good you are.”

The filthy grin on his face had you giggling, “You do not have a pack of gold stars. Do you?”

His smirk widened, “I do actually. And I know a girl who loves being praised who I can use them all on. Maybe we’ll even get you an ice cream.”

You shook your head with a smile on your face, “What if I want kitten stickers instead?” You teased.

Harry inhaled and turned his gaze to look at the ceiling before looking back at you, “Actually… I think I have kitten stickers.”

You laughed, making Harry laugh with you.

“Okay then. Tomorrow you owe me some kitten stickers and ice cream.” You would be asking him later why he had stickers in the first place.

Harry softly pinched at your bum, a lazy grin on his face, “Your roommate’s not gonna freak out if she comes back and I’m here?”

“Nah. I don’t see why she would. Long as you’re not naked.”

Harry chuckled, “And you don’t mind if I stay here either?”

“I’d like it if you stayed.”

“Then I’ll stay.”

“Good,” you bit your lip and trailed your fingers over the sparrow tattoos at his clavicle as you gazed into his eyes full of affection.

“Then tomorrow you get kitten stickers and ice cream for being such a good girl.”

“And maybe a little bit more of you too? Since I was so good?”

“Just a little bit more is all you want?”

You laughed through your nose, “Okay a lot more of you then.”

“Okay, it’s settled. Kitten stickers, ice cream, and a whole lot of me.”

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[lunartuness]

Spoilers for Book of Bill

Thoughts on Bill talking about Ford

I was not prepared for canon Billford in the year 2024 and yet here we are.

But seriously, I'm kinda surprised how much Bill actually liked and valued Ford? Obviously it's in a horrible, toxic, never come within the same continent as them kind of way but it's just, I always kind of figured their relationship (while obviously adoring from Ford's end due to Journal 3) was mainly just Bill humoring Ford long enough until he no longer needs him. Like, 'yeah, sure, of course you're special, I definitely believe in you' sort of nonsense.

But in Bill's book it's implied multiple times he had as close to a crush on Ford as he's probably capable of. I mean, the whole 'love cage' section is literally verbatim what he did to Ford (and just wait until they're mentally broken enough to confess their true feelings! Fear and love are basically the same thing!) And in the valentine's section he talks about leaving mice, which again, he did for Ford's birthday, and then when he wasn't happy about that, got him drunk enough to have a good time (implied kinda forcibly? since Ford declined beforehand). Then there's the fact he literally calls Fiddleford a third wheel (also coincidentally after we just learn Fiddleford spent hours on handmade gifts for Ford and forgot to get his wife anything).

And when Ford finally does catch on and things go bad? Bill tries first to talk with Ford through the zombies (to manipulate him, of course, but also Admit it, you'd miss me. I have missed you, and Bill actually smiles.) And then leaves little sticky notes asking nicely to talk. When he finally gets mad enough to escalate, he still does so in a very not-violent-for-Bill-way. Sure, killing Ford wouldn't help him but we know how messed up Bill can get. And yet what does he do? He leaves Ford's body to almost freeze, only to have a warm fire and a love song playing when he wakes up. He causes mild public disturbances and gives him an obnoxious tattoo. When he finally, finally snaps is when we start to see more of the Bill we got in the show when he tortures Ford a bit. But even that is mild?

Like, Bill rearranged a man's face for fun and takes joy in destroying the Nightmare Realm. But after threating Ford he leaves him unharmed. Very mentally scarred, yes, but safe and intact. He even gives him three days to get his life together. And then treats it like a messy breakup when Ford finally breaks free. Hell, it seems like he was more upset about losing Ford than losing the portal.

All this is to say that I think from Bill's point of view he was being genuinely kind to Ford. He gave him gifts, complimented him, and tried to work things out peacefully when Ford started pulling away (again, his very messed up version of peaceful, but the point still stands).

So when they do finally meet again? Bill still offers Ford a spot next to him. Again, I originally thought this was more playing into Ford's ego while taking a cheap shot at him (i.e. you'll fit in great with the freaks!), but by now it's obvious he wants Ford. He's petty and cruel and horribly abusive about it, but in his own twisted way he likes Ford. A lot. Enough to show mercy (or at least not be as violent as he could be) and to try and give him multiple chances to come back, no apology needed!

And the worst part is Bill knows this. Bill's trying to make this relationship work. He feels connected to Ford in a way he quite possibly hasn't felt with anyone else. And he knows its doomed to fail. In his mind he has to destroy everything he touches and everything he cares about. Any other connections he has are either superficial or dead to him (usually literally). This relationship will end the same way, it's just in Bill's nature. To him, that's all his relationships are capable of being.

All this just makes me sad and adds so much depth and I'm obsessed. There's just something about self-destructive and truly cruel characters having moments where they wish they weren't that way. Where they'll come the closest they ever can to apologizing for how they are.

(Also Bill literally wanted Ford to get a tattoo saying 'If lost return to Bill' like we cannot just ignore that oh my god)

[moonstruckme]

Hello!! Starting this off with the mushy gushy stuff like how much I adore your writing and talent and how I hope you know how appreciated you are, all that jazz 👐 Anywhosies, onto the nitty gritty, the other day in my psych lecture I learned more in depth about operant conditioning, which is a theory by B.F Skinner about how a behavior is either reinforced or encouraged through a series of punishments and/or reinforcements, and i thought of our resident brainiac, Spencer Reid! He seems the type to be interested in theories like that and there application in day-to-day life, and so what else is he supposed to do other than condition fem!reader! (Consensually and safely of course) obviously he wouldn’t have malicious intent, but say reader wasn’t super confident in the bedroom, he would steadily over time ‘condition’ her into being more open about her wants and needs through rewards when she’s vocal! If you are in any way uncomfortable writing this please feel free to disregard! <33333

This was fun!! Thank you for requesting babe :)

cw: smut mdni, fingering, edging

Spencer Reid x fem!reader ♡ 912 words

You gasp, sucking your bottom lip between your teeth. Spencer looks up at you interestedly. 

“That’s progress,” he says, but frowns when he sees your lip. He lets go of your leg to encourage it free. “Don’t do that, please.” 

“Sorry,” you manage, breathless. You feel shaky. 

Spencer offers you a smile, brown eyes so kind it hurts. “That’s okay. We’re learning, right? I don’t expect you to pick it up all at once.” 

You’re not sure how to respond to that and in the end you don’t have to, Spencer’s fingers sliding over your folds and stealing your breath again. 

“I want to kiss you,” he says, his own breathing affected by your reaction. He’s bolder in bed than you expected him to be, more direct, but really you should have seen it coming. Spence is relentless when he’s working a case. “Is that okay?” 

“Yeah. Please.” 

He doesn’t go where you expect him to, his mouth finding the tender bit of skin below your ear. 

“Is this nice?” he asks, kissing slowly downward. You trail your hands up his back and rock into his fingers, only just starting to get into it when he moves down to your breast. “How about this?” 

You suppress a horrifically needy sound, and for a minute it seems like Spencer takes the hint. He mouths up the side of your breast, teeth scraping lightly as he gets closer to the pert bud of your nipple. 

“Yeah?” 

He strokes a lithe hand up your side, thumb soothing over the opposite side of your tit. His fingers part your folds, moving towards your clit, and you’re burning up, incinerating from the inside out. You wind your fingers in Spencer’s hair just before the hand at your breast leaves. It takes both of your hands by the wrists, guiding them above your head. 

Spencer smooths his thumb over your pulse, not pinning you (he’d never deny you anything you want, not really), not so much a restraint as a reminder. You have an agreement. 

“Yeah,” you say weakly. “Yeah, there is good.” 

“Thank you,” he says, and if you couldn’t tell he means it by his tone, Spencer gives you extra encouragement by pushing two gentle fingers into your hole. Your lips part in a soundless gasp as he covers them with his.

“You know, when you like something, your body responds.” He brings his other hand back to your breast, cupping experimentally. His index finger grazes your nipple so lightly you could have mistaken it for a breeze. “But it would make things even easier if you told me yourself. You can do that, can’t you?” 

“I can.” Your brain goes all staticy as Spencer’s thumb finds your clit, searching for purchase in the wetness he’s been tormenting out of you for god knows how long now. “I can, please, I can.” 

“You don’t need to say please, it’s okay. You can just tell me what you want.” 

The problem is, you have no notes, truly. Spencer’s fingers are working in and out of you at the perfect pace, deliciously long and brain-fuzzingly dextrous. His thumb skates crude figure-eights over the bead of your clit until you’re trembling, your hands balled up tight in the bedsheets. 

Middle and marriage sponge over something sweet inside you, and you clench around him, swallowing a moan. 

Spencer makes a quiet, satisfied sound. “Here?” 

His fingers press into the spot again, and you gasp, arching off the bed. They go still. 

“Yesyesyes,” you say, words all jumbling together in your desperation. “There. There.” 

“Here,” he checks, just to be sure, as his fingers move over the spot again. 

“Yes.” Tears sting your eyes. “Yes, there. Spence—” 

Spencer waits a few beats. When you don’t seem likely to continue, he prompts gently, “Are you going to cum? You should say so, if you are.” 

He’s doubtless seen the quivering that’s taken your thighs, but you nod anyway, panting out another fraught, “Yes.” 

“Okay.” He kisses the corner of your lips sweetly as he picks up his pace. “Thank you for telling me.” 

You moan without quieting yourself when his grip tightens on your breast. Spencer rewards you for it, kissing dedicatedly at your bottom lip while he kneads the fat, sending pleasure like waves of deep bass buzzing through you. His other thumb increases its pressure on your clit, the wet sounds of his fingers pumping in and out of you hardly audible over both of your breathing as he finds that spot again, and again, until you think you probably scream. 

Spencer assures you later that you didn’t. That, actually, the sound you made seemed half choked back, and that’s another thing he’d like to work on next time. But for now, he’s happy enough to treat you to a myriad of kisses, soft, sweet presses of his mouth without want for anything more. He encourages you up to use the bathroom, and when you come back, lets you lay on top of him on a clean part of the bed, your cheek pressed to his chest. 

“Okay,” you sigh, eyes closing as Spencer’s hand coasts down the bare skin of your back. “You wanna know what I want, for next time?” 

“Of course I do,” he says genuinely. 

“I want you to use your handcuffs.” 

Spencer’s hand stills. You lift your head, and he looks curious. “I think we have time for that tonight, don’t you?” 

[stepintothelimelight]

▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄ I FEEL ALRIGHT, I’M GONNA TAKE ON THE WORLD!

┊┊┊✧ ⁺ ⁺ 　° Light up the stars

got some pages to turn ✧ ⁺ ┊

PART 3 of the Spitfire Saga

TRAILER: In honor of Spitfire’s graduation…

(2018!f1grid x genz!fem!driver!reader)(SMAU and written)

For more Spitfire content go to my account and it’s my pinned post since tumblr hates me and won’t let me link anything :)

WARNINGS: Seb being an embarrassing grid mom, maybe one rude comment? VERY american reader in this one, but please feel free to imagine whatever, lolita (book) probably inaccurately mentioned, slightly blurry pictures, reader-centric

fc: Pinterest girls + topanga

Aaaaannnnd ACTION!

▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄

graduation-gate ~ Monaco 2018

You’re content. 

For the first time since you joined F4, you’re content. You have rebuilt your relationship with you family (to an extent), you’re having a stellar Rookie season (best since Hamilton, who just so happens to be your teammate), your team is great, you’re racing next to your idols and your best friends (Charles is only a little jealous you’re on a top team), and you’re about to graduate high school, valedictorian and with about a million honors. 

However, right now, you’re halfway across the world from your school, in a presser that’s going at a ghastly slow pace, a day out from racing in the Monaco GP. You sit sandwiched between Seb and Kimi, on your left, and Nando and Lewis, on your right. All of them your idols. 

A few months ago, you would be totally freaking out and fidgeting because this is like, the big four. 

Well, the big three. Seb doesn’t really count.

Now, you lean your head back against the couch and sigh, just wanting the conversation to lull enough for the officers to call it good. When Lewis is asked an in-depth question about Qualifying, though, you know you’re in for a spiel.

You nudge Seb with your knee. He leans over to you, eyes still fixed on Lewis, but lending you an ear. 

“I’m graduating next Friday,” You whisper in his ear. “Can you make it?”

He turns to look at you, eyebrows furrowing. 

“I’ll see my schedule. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

You shrug. 

“Forgot.”

“And you decided to ask me in the middle of a -“

“Anything you two would like to share?” The moderator asks good-naturedly. You and Seb throw out identical annoyed glares, then put on poker faces. 

“Yes,” Seb says. Oh boy. “Y/n just invited me to her graduation.” He sounds very proud. You flash a gratuitous smile at the team of reporters covering this particular star-studded presser. 

Lewis leans over.

“Am I not invited?”

“¿Y yo?” Nando asks softly. “¿Porque no lo mencionaste?”

Kimi makes a soft noise. 

“You are graduating.. university?”

“No,” You roll your eyes. “high school.”

He raises his eyebrows, surprised, once again, at how young you actually are.

“And you guys,” you cast a look at Lewis and Fernando, before narrowing your eyes at a smug Seb. “can come if you’d like. I wouldn’t want to make Seb think he’s special or something.”

They all ooohh at that. Seb clutches his chest. 

“Right to the heart, Spitfire!”

The presser comes to a close quickly after that, but it’s imprint echoes in every single corner of social media for the rest of raceweek.

People trying to poke their noses into your business ask you where you go to school, when you’re graduating, if Seb, Nando, Lewis and Kimi are actually going. You just shrug and try to keep a straight face. 

After all, the Iceman has been giving you lessons. 

▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄

twitter

Y/n, Seb and Kimi are in a presser together post-quali. She’s seated between them, as she qualified in pole, despite slightly slippery conditions.

“Y/n, this question’s for you,” Says a reporter. She leans forward, acknowledging the question. “We saw Lewis sitting with the team during the red flag, but we didn’t see you. Where were you spending the break?”

She smiles sheepishly and rubs the back of her neck, glancing over at Seb.

“I have an essay due tomorrow, so i was doing a final review on it.”

“What class?” That’s Seb. 

“it’s like a writing class? the whole point of the class is to write this specific research paper, which I have to write for my diploma.”

“How many words?” The interviewer asks. “And what’s your topic?”

Her face lights up. You can tell she absolutely loves to talk about this type of thing. 

“Mines about five thousand,” She says. “But it just has to be upwards of four. You can write about literally anything, so it’s pretty easy.”

“What’s your topic?” Kimi asks, not unkindly. 

She pulls a face. 

“Not a happy one. Fetishization of female innocence in literature and popular culture.” She seems to see the surprised faces the reporters are making and lets out a nervous laugh. “It’s not a fun topic, but I find it extremely interesting, and it somewhat applies to my life, too, so…”

She trails off. Seb picks up his mic.

“What do you mean by that?”

It’s genuine, curious. Not patronizing in the way that all the reporters ask her questions.

“I mean, there’s an expectation placed on women in the spotlight that we be.. innocent and good and pure, you know? And like, if you’re not, you’re a slut or a witch or something. And then we see this fetishization and fixation on innocence in things like movies and books. One of the books I’ve read for this essay is called Lolita?” She pauses. “It’s a very drastic depiction of hebephilia, and to me, it’s a bit satirical. While it’s about Freud and his theories, it also criticized ..”

And she talks and talks and talks. You can tell through the screen, her hand gestures, how she can’t seem to slow down, that she’s very invested. Seb has this look on his face, like he couldn’t be prouder, while Kimi listens, enraptured. Eventually, she rolls to a stop and puts both of her hands on her cheeks.

“Sorry,” she says into the mic. “I didn’t mean to talk that much.”

The interviewer assures her it’s fine, and they move on, and that’s when the video fades to black.

caption (1): [When asked how she’s going to spend time on the plane home] Y/n: I actually have a speech to write! (….) It’s the valedictorian speech. I honestly hate public speaking, my voice always shakes!

caption (1):

Reporter: congratulations on your National Merit scholarship!

Y/n: My what?

▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄

yourusername

yourusername: i feel alright, i’m gonna take in the world 🎓

ps. Seb, Nando, Lewis and Kimi thanks for the support 🫶 i caught u guys creeping 🧌

tagged: yourbestfriend1, yourbestfriend2, yourbestfriend3, fernandoaloofficial, lewishamilton, kimimatiasraikkonen, yourmominsta, yourschoolinsta

liked by yourbestfriend1, charles_leclerc and 378292 others 

view 6383 comments 

user1: academic queen!

yourbestfriend1: grad u ate

⮑ yourusername: our mantra

yourbestfriend2: gonna miss seeing u every 2 weeks 😞

⮑yourusername: i’m acc kinda sad ngl

user2: Honestly such a power move having 4 of the most famous F1 drivers show up at your graduation 

user3: She’s too young. Crazy to have racing at that age

⮑user4: ik

user5: all her friends headed off to college and she’s going to race in Canada next week 

lewishamilton: Beautiful speech, beautiful ceremony. Congratulations, Spitfire.

⮑ yourusername: awwww 🥰 thanks my fav teammate

⮑ charles_leclerc: wow. 

⮑ yourusername: fav f1 teammate @/charles_leclerc 🙄

landonorris: Congrats, mate! 

⮑yourusername: imagine not even getting a diploma 🤓

⮑ landonorris: I left to focus on racing!! 

⮑yourusername: 🤔this is awkward 

user6: beautiful, talented, educated. Name a better trio 🩵 congrats Spitfire! 

max33verstappen: You do look a bit like Dobby…

⮑ yourusername: Wrong ‘99. That’s @/landonorris

⮑user10: @/yourusername tagging him is actually brutal

⮑landonorris: @/yourusername: HEYYY!!!!

user7: did anyone see how many honors she graduated with? insane 😂 (but super impressive, y/n!)

⮑user8: yeah, and she got about five different diplomas 

user9: The fact that Seb, Lewis, Kimi and Fernando showed up after Graduation-gate

yourbestfriend3: I expect visitation in NYC

⮑ yourusername: don’t have to ask me twice 🌆

user11: Y/n slamming Lando in the comments 😭 girl lay off him you’re already living his dream you don’t need to crush his ego too😭

⮑user12: She’s acc seriously so mean to a lot of drivers

⮑user13: @/user12 it’s just her love language 🙄

▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄

✧ ⁺ ⁺ I’ve got a ticket

to the top of the sky ┊┊┊✧ ⁺ ⁺ 　°

▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄

Aaannnnddd scene!

DIRECTOR’S CUT: I’ve had the idea of ‘Graduation-gate’ in my head for a long time and kind of modeled this whole fic around it. Sorry if it seems rushed! School restarting is kicking my ass 🙁

A little background info

Charles and Spitfire were F3 teammates

Want to join the taglist? drop a comment below or message my inbox

🏷️ : @octavikravecell218 @laura-naruto-fan1998 @sugarrush-blush @scarletwidow3000 @umm-i-love-u

[jamiepaige]

Constant Companions Closeup #11: MACHINE LOVE

(also on bandcamp and spotify!)

Welcome back to the Constant Companions Closeups - a series of in-depth dives into the songs off of my latest album, Constant Companions! Yesterday was the title track, My Darling, My Companion, which means today is the final track on the album - a song about the truths that lay in hiding within artifice, and a computer falling in love - Machine Love!

Before we get started on this particularly long closeup - I'll be doing a follow-up post after this one, answering various miscellaneous questions I've gotten over the course of writing these! If you've got anything you wanna hear more from me about, album-related or otherwise, feel free to reply to this post or send me an ask! It may very well end up part of the bonus closeup :~)

---

Let's circle back to the very first track, Dyad.

In that track's closeup, I mentioned the main sonic touchstones of this release relative to my previous ones being guitars and vocal synths. The whole guitar rock thing I think I've gone into detail enough about, what with all the inspirations I've rattled off in other posts, but there likely is still a burning question for some long-time listeners.

Why vocal synths? Why am I not singing on like half of this album? I thought you were a singer, Jamie Paige, so what is this Hatsune Miku robot Vocaloid crap?

Truth be told, the Vocaloid scene and community has always been a massive source of inspiration for me. So much of my favorite music ever, music that inspires me or touches my heart or makes me go apeshit, has been sung by synthesized vocalists in a language I don't even speak. I grew up with it, and it's grown up with me - music just as intricate, mind-boggling, twisted, fun, and ridiculously creative is being put out every single day by vocal synth producers, and nowadays it's coming from English speaking musicians in droves!

Before this year began, I'd made at least one major contribution to the culture, but in spite of my genuine adoration of everything vocal synth related, I felt like I was just looking in from the other side. Caught between worlds, existing outside of any communities, simply gesturing vaguely towards what I wanted to do.

But I wanted more! I wanted to make the same kinds of things that stirred my heart and made me want to write! I wanted to sing with those same voices! I wanted it to be true - to be like you!

---

I won't lie to you and tell you Kasane Teto has always been my favorite vocal synth. That title used to go to GUMI, and in general, I wasn't particularly attached to any UTAU voicebanks as a younger vocal synth fan. (Nowadays, I genuinely open up OpenUTAU just as much as SynthV because I've fallen deeply in love with Adachi Rei, but that's a story for my next album.) Obviously, I knew of Teto, and found her presence in things like Triple Baka delightful, but for the most part, she was mostly something of an oddity, a wayward piece of vocal synth history that had her Fans like any other.

However, there was one Teto song I've been inexplicably attached to since the moment I first heard it - Song of the Eared Robot, by nwp8861. I was introduced via this particular cover, which I love, but I quickly gravitated to the original. Something about the warbly, childish nature of her very first voicebank, the ambitiously orchestrated and unabashedly digital instrumental, the lyrics referencing fundamental frequencies and Markov chains and compiling code all just spoke to me!

That song stuck with me, laying in a part of my heart that had been collecting dust, all the way to April of 2023.

Now, yes, Teto wasn't always my favorite, and I had other vocal synths I was attached to, but I don't live under a rock, and I still understood how monumental the announcement of Kasane Teto's Synth V voicebank was - to the point that I interrupted a call full of FFXIV-playing friends who knew barely anything about vocal synths and gave them an impromptu TED talk because I was so excited.

(An excerpt of a summary of that night's events, written the morning after. i was up my own ass a little bit but in my defense Kasane Teto had just been announced for Synthesizer V)

I was watching, in real time, a dream made manifest. It's literally one of the Bits with Teto! That she'd be a Vocaloid one day too! And here she was, on the fan favorite engine, sounding genuinely fucking incredible. Especially in hindsight, it's such a beautiful and perfect twist of fate for her.

I saw myself in her. A weird little outcast, explosively reborn and thrust straight into a community's open arms with love. I wanted it to be true - To be like that, too.

It didn't fully hit until later, hearing another cover of a song I'd almost forgotten.

Machine Love, my love letter to the entire world of unbridled creativity and artistry surrounding vocal synths filtered through one sentimental little song, was fully written by the start of May, maybe 4 days after I had gotten my hands on Teto SV and long before a certain compilation album was even a glint in my eye.

If you haven't heard DAEMON/DOLL yet, you really, really, really should go listen to it - yes, I mastered this album, many of my friends and collaborators are featured, and I have two entire songs on it, but I genuinely mean it when I say I believe it's some of the best fucking music that's come out this year in general. In many respects, it also feels like a companion (hah) to Constant Companions.

I had finished writing Machine Love by this point, but it was working on this album in its entirety - discovering artists like Anh Duy, Eggtan, and beat_shobon through it, and hearing everyone in top form making this twin-drilled chimera fucker sing her heart out - that not only made me confident in my decision to go down this artistic path, but that made me fall completely in love with Kasane Teto. And honestly, how could I not? She feels like a microcosm of everything that makes vocal synths so special, this community of creatives all leaving their marks and touchstones along the trail of a great big shared folk mythos. Yeah, maybe the folk hero we're all collectively mythologizing is an anime girl, but yknow maybe Odysseus could take some branding cues from hatsune miku idfk

Basically, even if he says he wants to kill me, I owe fucking everything to rice for inviting me to work on DAEMON/DOLL.

---

On that note, my vision for Machine Love's MV was pretty clear from the beginning.

the actual factual setup for the above shot, which was done entirely in-camera with my laptop, a tv, and two video files manually synced using VLC

The fundamental idea was always there - live-action shots of animation playing back on various screens, edited together to feel somewhat seamless. However, I really struggled with what exactly was going to be on said screens for a while; Big commissions were very far out of my budget, but I knew this song needed something grandiose.

Ultimately, what I arrived at was exactly the kind of scrappy, DIY bullshit it was always meant to be.

I asked my Twitter mutuals for help. And spent a couple months in Final Cut Pro and Apple Motion hell turning all the Teto art I got into a bunch of tiny little mini MVs, some of them parodying real vocal synth MVs, some of simply just evocative of vocal synth MVs, all of them painstakingly edited by yours truly and filmed with the help of some friends over the next couple months across two states and many more cities just to be painstakingly edited and synced up again by yours truly.

THE NEXT MV I DO WILL BE SMALLER IN SCOPE

---

And with that, I believe that's the album!

There's a reason it ends with Machine Love, and not with the title track. I do think that in some respects My Darling, My Companion would have made a better closer, but that song only really resolves one of the thematic strands running through the album.

There isn't really a definitive answer to the specific question "Baby, do you know what you wanna hear?", but it evokes a theme running through the entire album - wanting something, knowing that you want something, and simply needing to find the courage to do it or say it or be it. My Darling, My Companion is in many ways a declaration of intent, an acceptance of what needs to happen, but Machine Love, to me, is that action being done. The words being said!

And now, if I may give this a somewhat selfish tint - with the explosive response my works from this album have gotten, my contributions to things like DAEMON/DOLL and Flavor Foley, the collaborations I've done and that I still have in the pipeline, the friends I've made and the community I've found a spot for myself in, and the newfound voices that I can lay my heart bare with -

Well, shit, I know what I wanna hear, and I've gotten to hear it. I'm a vocaloP. It's real!

Thank you all so goddamn much for reading and listening. I'll see you back here either tomorrow or Monday for the bonus AMA post thing!! Make art and be gay, motherfuckers.

❤️💚

[szuyiin]

⠀⠀⠀⠀ ★ ⠀⠀⠀⠀ ATZ : FINGERING !!

this is a work of fiction & contains: ╰ PAIRING: bf ! top ! atz (separately) x gn ! bottom ! reader ╰ GENRE: smut. established relationship. headcannon. ╰ WORD COUNT: ~ 220 words each member, 1.7k words total. ╰ SFW WARNINGS: use of petnames baby (khj, cs, smg, jwy) darling (cs, smg), let me know if i missed anything :] ╰ NSFW WARNINGS are located under cut to prevent exposure to unwanted content. you are responsible for what you consume.

SZUYIIN'S NOTEPAD — this is a repost from an old blog of mine, this piece is not stolen. proof-skimmed.

-18'S & AGELESS/BLANK BLOGS DNI, YOU WILL BE BLOCKED !!

ABOUT ★ GUIDELINES ★ MASTERLIST

⠀⠀⠀⠀ ★ ⠀⠀⠀⠀ NSFW WARNINGS !! ╰ dirty talk. fingering. let me know if i missed anything !!

★⠀⠀PARK SEONGHWA.

nice, sweet, and gentle. never wishing to inflict any pain while he tried to pleasure you. two lubed fingers slowly stretching you before him. the type to like your thighs pressed to your chest while he knelt between them, other hand next to your head to level himself as he simply watched you.

the grip you had on his wrist, trying desperately to make him get the hint you wanted more, didn't matter much to him - paying it no mind as he kept his own pace; another subtle reminder who was in a position of control.

keeping his gaze pointed, he watched as your upper lip twitched, every furrow of your brows and every time your lips parted - he wished to memorize every part of you.

“you look so cute,” seonghwa says, hovering above you while you absentmindedly - almost as if it was out of pure instinct - held the backs of your thighs to press against your chest. the gaze he offered was loving, and in a moment like this, you never expected anything less. “you love being full of my fingers, hm? i know you do.”

★⠀⠀KIM HONGJOONG.

loves hearing you. runs on your whines, whimpers, moans, cries, groans - anything and everything you had to offer him verbally, he greedily wanted from you; giving you everything he had to offer you in return.

the type to like to be face-to-face with where he’s prodding into you, knowing exactly how your face is contorted just by how you sound, he’d want to watch every muscle contract and twitch around where his fingers are shoved into you.

adores hearing you beg for anything more than he was giving you right now, purposefully slowing down his pace or not sliding his fingers as deep when you needed him. you being vocal about your wants and needs is definitely what gets him going the most.

the tips of your lovers fingers pressed against your walls, sliding with ease as mewls leave your swollen lips. “go on, you can be louder, can’t you?” you knew he was mocking you simply from his tone, egging you on and causing your skin to warm from the embarrassment of your neighbors possibly hearing you. “just ask for more, baby. need to hear you say it, is all.”

★⠀⠀JEONG YUNHO.

oh god. just wants you falling apart under him. any way he could break you, have you grabbing for his wrist when you’re close and crying out his name as you finish, he would do.

makes it a competition with himself. always keeping a mental timer going to see how fast he can make you cum just from his fingers stuffed inside you - no other stimulation.

his index and middle finger reaching new depths, teasing you about how you begged for a third, but he could feel how you wouldn’t be able to take it just yet.

wants you to know just how much he wants you, too. free hand holding the back of your knee while your calf rests on his shoulder, his crotch against the back of your thigh as he ruts his clothed cock against you just to be sure you know how badly he wants you, and that its not just you who’s desperate to be touched.

“fuck. . .” yunho curses, pressing his hard cock impossibly closer into the soft flesh of your thigh, the motion causing his thigh to press his two digits further into you. “look at you, just laying here. . . driving me insane just by looking at me-” you cut him off with a groan from yourself, a small smile appearing on his lips at the sound. “if you want my cock, you gotta take my fingers first.”

★⠀⠀KANG YEOSANG.

loves fingering you the most when you're on your knees, face against the surface you found yourselves on while he kneeled behind you, a singular, lubed finger prodding at you teasingly, and nasty words flowing from his lips.

keeps his composure incredibly well, almost so that you feel you don’t have much of an effect on him.

but holy shit, he’s fighting the urge to fuck you senseless - your pleads and groans muffled by your arms enough to have a large tent in his sweats.

but alas, he’ll keep up the act that he was unbothered; at least until you beg for him, that is.

“you’re so noisy,” your boyfriend comments, watching intently as your thighs shake from the unsteady stance you have against your shared bed. “maybe i should shove a few fingers in your mouth, too.” you can feel as weight shifts on the bed, his finger continuing to move as he readjusts to press a kiss to your lower back. “you’d absolutely love being stuffed full of me, huh?”

★⠀⠀CHOI SAN.

oh, bless your heart. san will be ruthless with his actions but thoughtful with his words, perfectly articulated to have a certain effect on your mind and body.

two fingers sliding inside you at the most delicious angle and pace, curling against your walls and having your back arching as you laid spread before him.

he thought you looked so hot like this: writhing beneath him as he spoke oh-so softly, praising you while practically splitting you in half, or rather, preparing you to be.

this was only preparation, there was absolutely no way he wouldn’t cave in when you look at him all spaced out.

“so, so cute, darling,” he whispers, pressing a kiss to your calf as it rests atop his shoulder. the look he gave you was close to ethereal, a smile on his lips and the corners of his eyes crinkling in joy as he watched where he pushed into you repeatedly. he meets your eyes briefly, slowing his pace and bringing his other hand to hold your cheek in his palm. “you’re so adorable when you’re all spaced out like that,” he pinches your cheek and returns the brutal pace of his fingers. “my pretty baby.”

★⠀⠀SONG MINGI.

not super mouthy, really enjoys feeling you. has you on your back while he kneels between your spread legs, lips almost never leaving your neck or chest as he presses his long fingers into you slowly.

loves it if you’re vocal about your needs, guiding him a bit whether to be rougher or more attentive to the special spot on your neck. if you want him to look you in the eye or kiss your lips instead. he loves if you tell him what you like - wants nothing more than for you to feel the best you can. bonus points when its because of him.

vacant hand will be attached to your hip or leg, kneading the flesh under his fingers and breathing hot air onto your body, feeling you squirm and clench around his digits.

uses the hand on your hip or leg to pull you back the tiniest bit to meet his fingers’ thrusts, wanting to hit as deep as he can to hear you tell him how well he treats you.

“min...” you trail off - unaware if you even had a full thought to begin with - the cool air mingi’s plush lips blew onto your neck where he kissed causing your back to arch involuntarily. “yes, baby? he asks, to which he receives no answer yet doesn’t pine for one either, knowing your desperate call was nothing more than a verbal affirmation of how he was making you feel. he presses a kiss to your neck once more, fingers soothing as they press against your walls. “i’m right here, darling. i’ll make you feel good.”

★⠀⠀JUNG WOOYOUNG.

the mouthiest. doesn’t spend even a second to mentally debate if he should comment on your shaking legs, heavy breathing, or how you cry for him. will always make sure you're aware that he is aware of your actions.

prefers you to be on your stomach or back, laying across his lap so he can feel every jolt and twitch from your body on himself. definitely would point out how his cock hardens to you, telling you how much of an effect you have on him - he loves the response he gets.

the type to - no matter how you're situated - put his palm against your chest. adores being able to feel your heart beat pick up as he continues pumping his fingers into you.

other than that instance, he’d keep his palm flat just above the bump of your ass. not rough, but enough pressure so you couldn’t squirm away - as if you’d ever dream to in the first place.

“aw, i can feel your heart racing, baby. am i making you feel that good?” your lover comments, warm hand sliding under your arm and along your side as the other pushes deeper and deeper inside you, the noises from the added lubricant making the scene all-the-more dirty. the pressure in your abdomen builds, the mixture of his words and actions proving to be too much at once. “look at that, you got me so hard - can’t wait to fuck you like you deserve to be.”

★⠀⠀CHOI JONGHO.

the most notable thing about jongho wouldn’t be how intensely he holds you, but more so how he holds you. similar too wooyoung, keeps you pressed to him just firm enough so you can’t squirm, but offers you just enough space to pull away if you wished to do so.

would like you face down, hips in the air as he sat behind you, one hand kneading the skin of your ass and the other prodding at your hole, the pressure his fingers offered enough to have you pushing back against him and wishing for more.

warm palm pressing on your lower back, his crotch pressed to the back of your thigh as he continues working you open. hand and hips on either side of your shaking body being the only thing keeping you stable, sure that your legs would have given out without him holding you in place.

doesn’t speak much in response to the sounds you make, if you make any. rather, he will give affirmative hums, and - if he feels the time is appropriate - maybe even a chuckle at of your desperate state.

the thumb that swiped across your lower back did little to slow your rapidly beating heart and shaking legs, only adding to the pleasure you were receiving at the hands of your boyfriend. two skilled fingers sink into you and press against your walls, feeling so full from just his prep for later. he watches your fingers dig into the bedsheets, wrinkling them under your palms as a huff of air releases from him in a chuckle, and you’re almost able to hear the smirk on his face.

© SZUYIIN 2024. DO NOT COPY, TRANSLATE, ALTER, MODIFY, TAKE INSPIRATION, OR REPOST MY WORKS.

[starrysnowdrop]

Heyo! So I happened to see your recent ask response regarding Zenos randomly, and, honestly, I'm kind of curious on what people miss about his character! I'm not a personal big fan of him(ngl he kind of creeped me out with his, projecting himself on the wol it felt like? Note I say that as a WHM main who plays as truly heroic WoL(s) most of the time admittedly, so most of his stuff made me go no? alot XD I don't mind people who do like him tho! They're cool!), but I'm interested in understanding him better if possible, cause I know I miss things that others don't and I don't think I've seen anyone explain his intricacies without being somewhat rude about it, but you explained what you did without coming off as that. So I'm kind of curious on that essay you almost wrote if you'd be alright writing it XD (Sorry for being on anon, I am, very shy qwq)

In case you’re not familiar with what this anon is asking about, this is in response to my answer to this ask HERE. Feel free to go read that one and come back!

So, I first want to say thank you for being brave enough to reach out to me about this, even on anon!! I’m really glad that you didn’t find my comments to be rude, as that is the very last thing that I would want! If anyone did find me too abrasive in my previous post above, then I wholeheartedly apologize for that. I would never want anyone to be afraid to reach out to me because I came off as rude at some point, so I appreciate you letting me know that you didn’t think I was. 💖

Alright, now let’s get to the topic at hand: Zenos, and why I truly think that he is the most misunderstood character in FFXIV.

Zenos: The Most Misunderstood Character in FFXIV

((I wrote way too much, so it’s under the cut.))

Alright, so let’s start with what I have seen as the popular take on Zenos that I see as wrong: A lot of players see Zenos as a one dimensional character that has no depth, and doesn’t have a character arc in which he grows as a character. They see him as the annoying antagonist who has a battle boner for the WoL and that’s it. They only see his bloodlust and nothing else. They don’t think there is anything else to him, and that’s where I must strongly disagree.

So, how is he not a one dimensional character? Well, that’s because he really is a complex character, but you need to be paying close attention to what Zenos is actually saying and what his actions are throughout the story.

One can piece together Zenos’ complexity purely from watching the cutscenes, but just in case anyone is curious about going into more depth on his backstory, then I highly recommend that you go read his side story from the Chronicles of Light book entitled “The Hunt Begins”. It shows how Zenos was raised, and it reinforces why he thinks the way that he does.

Without going into his backstory too much, for brevity's sake, Zenos is actually a prodigy, someone who was born with not only incredible strength, but also incredible intelligence, and you know what happens when gifted kids don't get enough of a challenge? Yup, they get easily bored. So keep that in mind as we move along. Now, mix that boredom with a good dose of Anhedonia, or the inability to experience pleasure or joy. Now we aren't sure if he was born with Anhedonia, or if he acquired it through some mental health condition, such as PTSD, depression, etc. I'm no psychologist whatsoever, so I'm not here to diagnose Zenos with any particular disorder, but it is clear that he suffers from the lack of feeling joy or pleasure in his life.

This is actually what characterizes Zenos the most when we first are introduced to him in 4.0; he is suffering from Anhedonia AND Ennui, which according to Webster's Dictionary, is not just a feeling of weariness and dissatisfaction, but its a profound sense of boredom that arises from feeling jaded with one's life.

Zenos is suffering from a lack of joy and pleasure in his life, seeing the world as meaningless and dull, and he has found only one sole pleasure in all of it: The Hunt*. But what he means by The Hunt, is that he wants to fight the most challenging foes, challenging enough that he must put his all into the battle and be pushed to the brink of death. Only this kind of challenging battle will give him any sense of joy at all. For him at this point, there has been nothing else which has brought him joy, so he seeks out this sole pleasure.

And THAT is what Zenos' motivation is. He is not mindless in his pursuit of battle. His bloodlust stems from the desire to feel some kind of happiness at all, and unlike what some might think, not any foe will do. Zenos does not fight mindlessly against anyone at any time. That is not true. If an enemy is no threat to him, unless they purposely get in his way, he will not fight them.

This is true from the first time you see Zenos on the battlefield. At Rhalgr's Reach, Zenos sought out only the strongest fighters there, and two of them (Lyse and Y'shtola) got in his way first, and he defeated them easily. When he fights the WoL, the one who he has heard so much about, and definitely the strongest opponent among them, he becomes curious and hopes that we will give him what he wants. But in that first battle with him, he swats the WoL away like a fly, and they pose no challenge to him at all, to which he calls them "Pathetic", and then he immediately leaves, ultimately disappointed.

Note that Zenos had every opportunity to kill Lyse, Y’shtola, and the WoL if he wanted to, but he doesn’t. He leaves them alone after he defeats them. That’s not the sign of someone who is so sadistic that he’s only out for blood. The fact of the matter here is that Zenos is trying to feel something from battle, something that he has never experienced before: pure joy.

Zenos doesn’t experience this joy until he fights the WoL again several times; first he gets just a hint of it, a tiny spark, when the WoL breaks a piece of his helmet off, and he feels it even more later on when Zenos fights the WoL in the Ala Mhigan throne room. This is when Zenos goes into his monologue before he releases and takes over Shinryu, and note that the joy and pleasure he is describing seems to have a sexual tone to it, which I promise I have a point to make about that in a bit.

After the battle with Zenos as Shinryu, he finally feels the joy that he has never felt in his entire life, and because he doesn’t think he’ll ever feel anything like it ever again, Zenos takes his own life, happy to have played a bit part in the story of his “first friend”.

But as we know, Zenos doesn’t stay dead. He finds himself alive once more, and he has a singular goal: to feel that pure bliss, that overwhelming joy that he felt when he fought the WoL in the Royal Menagerie in Ala Mhigo. From ShB through EW, Zenos’ goal doesn’t change, but he does change in his understanding of what it means to have a “friend” and how he can feel happiness.

During EW, Zenos has several scenes where his understanding of his feelings seems to grow, and though that sexual tone to his descriptions of what he’s feeling towards his battle with the WoL is still there, I would argue that over time, it seems to have more and more of a romantic tone to it as well. And with this shift in his tone when describing his feelings, he also seems to question his understanding of it all.

Zenos’ character growth is the whole point of two very important scenes: the Scions and Jullus encountering Zenos in Garlemald while fighting the blasphemies, and later when Zenos goes to the Royal Menagerie alone. The first of these scenes reinforces the themes of EW with Zenos’ philosophy of life, but it is also the first time that someone says something that makes Zenos question his beliefs.

Alisaie’s words to Zenos hit him hard, and Zenos goes back to the Royal Menagerie, to the scene of where he had his one transcendent moment, his one time in his life when he felt joy, pleasure, and happiness. He realizes in this moment that, whatever you believe Zenos’ true feelings are for the WoL, which I personally argue that it is love that he feels for them, but regardless, Zenos cannot continue to be selfish and only think about his own wants and desires. He must act selflessly, and assist in the WoL’s battle against the Endsinger and stop the Final Days, in order for the WoL to give him what he wants in return. He finally realizes that it’s this give and take, this reciprocation between people, is the key to building bonds with others… Zenos finally learns what it is to be a “friend” to someone. After this moment, Zenos goes to Sharlayan to find a way to help out the WoL in their mission to save the star, and to finally be a friend to them.

And you know what that is? That’s growth. That’s having a character arc. That’s Zenos in all of his complexity. Which I still say that it’s perfectly fine to not like his character, but I only wish that people would not like him with a clear understanding of what he really is, and not what others think he is.

Alright, I think I have blabbed on long enough, but I hope that I have answered your question anon! If you need me to clarify anything further, please don’t hesitate to ask me! Thank you so much for your ask anon, and thank you to all who have read this! 💖

[cosmicatta]

One Piece Novel: Law — a short analysis

So, after a long time trying to get my hands on the Law light novel, I was finally able to read it recently! And, because I'm an obnoxiously intense person who can't just be normal about things, I found myself taking notes about everything I judged interesting.

And I thought I could share! So here's a mostly improvised essay about the Law novel, how it portrays Law and what it reveals about him as a character.

Some notes before I start:

The edition I've read of this novel is the official Spanish translation by Planeta. When quoting and mentioning numbered pages, I'm referencing that edition.

I originally posted this on Twitter as a thread! If it sounds familiar, that might be why.

For those who haven't read the novel and might want to: be mindful of some trigger warnings, including gruesome medical descriptions, suicidal thoughts, mentions of abuse, and violence in general (I won't be touching on these subjects here though).

These are just my personal impressions, I'm not trying to tell anyone how they should interpret the novel or Law's character. I'm just doing this for fun!

The story takes place right after Cora dies, following young Law's journey as he makes it to Swallow Island and desperately tries to survive. There, he will meet Bepo, Penguin and Shachi, as well as Wolf, a novel-exclusive character that welcomes Law and the boys into his home as a family.

Overall, it's a very short read, agile and straightforward. The style is very juvenile, but that was to be expected, and I'd say it does a pretty good job at capturing the feeling of watching a One Piece episode. The novel does kinda feel like a mini arc.

I'm unsure if light novels can be considered 100% canon in general, but since the contents don't contradict anything from what we've already seen in the manga/anime, I'm going to assume we can at least take the events described in this one as canon.

But I'll leave the plot aside a little bit to focus more on Law's psyche, analyzing everything in the novel as material that helps us further understand him.

The entire book (save from a few specific passages) is written from Law's point of view and in first person, so it offers a more in-depth look at his way of thinking, motivations and ideals.

What I find most interesting in this sense is that the whole story is very centered around Law's kindness. Though he does admit several times that he had wanted to see the world burn when he was under Doflamingo's care (as we already know from the source material), the novel makes it very obvious that Law's true nature is compassionate. His inner voice even explicitly states that he enjoys helping and making others happy. (Quotes roughly translated from Spanish):

P. 27: "And I felt very comfortable collaborating with the task of helping others."

P. 92: "Knowing that I was going to free a person from their pain [...] gave me a joy I had never experienced before."

P. 136: "Just imagining the surprised faces of the Old Man, Bepo and the others brought a smile to my face" [when planning on getting fresh fish for dinner as a surprise].

And, despite living under Wolf's motto of "give to take," Law never expects anything in return for any of his good actions. In fact, he gets furious at Wolf himself when, after saving his life, the old man insists on giving Law anything he demands as compensation.

P. 120: "I didn't save you because I wanted a reward!" [...] They [Bepo, Shachi and Penguin] burst into tears of happiness when they realized that you had survived. That's more than enough for me! [...]" I won't let you belittle their tears!"

But even then, Law keeps arguing that he only saved Wolf "on a whim," much like he would say years later when asked why he chose to save Luffy's life. This is a common theme throughout the whole book (which is also pretty obvious in the manga)—Law doesn't recognize his own kindness.

It's not modesty or shyness, his inner monologue makes it very clear that he doesn't see himself as good-natured, and is often confused at his own motivations.

In their first meeting, when Bepo asks him why he is so nice to him, Law doesn't know what to answer; and after that, when Law finds himself wondering why he's trying so hard to save Shachi and Penguin despite their past history, he blames it all on "doctor's pride."

P. 48: "I wasn't even a good person."

Still, regardless of what Law might think of himself, living in Swallow Island seems to be making him progressively gentler. He was wary and hostile towards Wolf at first, but eventually lets himself trust people again, trying to honor Cora's memory and what he taught Law.

In Swallow Island he builds his new found family little by little, though never letting go of Cora and what he meant to Law.

P. 39: "Cora and I were family, that's what I felt at heart, I had no doubts. We had loved each other without saying it out loud [...] Would I feel the same for the Old Man and Bepo eventually?"

Slowly, he starts finding comfort and joy in community. He lets himself be carefree around his new friends, treating them with open affection, laughing and being surprisingly enthusiastic (although he quickly starts taking his role as a leader very seriously, and sometimes avoids showing weakness around them so as not to worry them.)

Law even gets to become an active part of life in Pleasure Town, where he and the other boys are cherished after 3 years living and working there. He's comfortable with his role in the community and appreciates the people in town. His sense of duty towards them shines especially when the pirates arrive to attack the town.

Again, this contrasts with how Law sees himself even in the manga/anime, where he insists that he acts mostly out of selfishness and only seeking his own benefit (or, in the best of cases "on a whim.")

But the truth is that Law's decisions are almost always related to other people's desires.

In this sense, the concept of guilt is also key to understand Law's motivations and his relationship with the world as a whole. This is especially obvious when it comes to Cora—Law even briefly wishes that they had never met, so that Cora would still be alive (p. 128-129.)

In a way, guilt is what moves Law forward, and what slowly starts transforming into a thirst for revenge, into rage and hatred towards Doflamingo and possibly towards himself too. It's a kind of tragic guilt born out of love.

His love for Cora still haunts him, his last wish for Law is the big enigma that he tries to solve during his 3 years in Swallow Island: be free. What is freedom to Law? How can he fulfill Cora's request? This is the question that gives meaning to the novel.

We know that Law wouldn't feel free until finally taking down Doflamingo and avenging Cora's death many years later, but he hasn't reached that point of determination in the novel yet. Maybe that's what gives the narration that hopeful and optimistic tone, with a young Law that's still finding himself, experiencing wonder in loving again, and learning what it means for him to be true to his values. It's the start of an adventure, and its core theme is love.

The ending illustrates this very well; I especially like the moment where Law names the crew as they're setting sail:

P. 243: "Cora's love that he showed me, Wolf's affection, the trust I had in my companions. One word embodied it all: Heart."

It is love that gives Law a reason to keep going. And I'm so glad that the novel doesn't shy away from this fact and isn't afraid of sounding "sappy" or "corny," because I do believe emotion is a very important part of Law's character.

The epilogue closes with a very interesting quote in the last page:

"You hear that, Cora? This is my... This is our pirate crew."

It is unclear if by "our" he is referring to himself and Cora, as if dedicating this new beginning to him, or if he means him and his crew. I'd personally like to think he means it both ways. But in any case, it's interesting that he openly shares the honor of "owning" his crew with someone else. He is the captain, but not the owner. It's another little way in which his generosity is evidenced.

Overall, it was a very enjoyable read, and it left me wanting more. Obviously, it's not a literature masterpiece, but it gives a lot of interesting material for character analysis, which is super fun.

Finally, here’s a few fun facts for those who can’t/don’t want to read the novel but enjoy the little trivia:

The Polar Tang was built and designed by Wolf.

Law’s first tattoo was "DEATH," and he got it at a local tattoo shop in Pleasure Town at around 15 years old.

Shachi and Penguin are childhood friends and likely met through their parents.

Shachi had always wanted to be a hair stylist.

Law is bad at cooking.

Both Shachi and Penguin are good at cooking, especially Penguin, who worked as a waiter in Pleasure Town.

The Hearts’ jolly roger was collectively designed by Law, Bepo, Shachi and Penguin days before leaving Swallow Island.

Law decided the name of their crew upon setting sail for the first time.

And I think that's all! ♥ I hope my rambling was enjoyable at least!

Edit: I've now posted an analysis of the Ace novels too!

[seireiteihellbutterfly]

Hi can I get a birthday cake with strawberries and chocolate chips with Toji please

Sundae Tropes: Remember Me

A/N: Fic 3 of this event! I haven't really written for Toji so I hope this doesn't sound out of character. ANGST. As usual, MDNI.

Raven, thank you for your patience as I wrote this.

Sundae: Birthday Cake With Strawberries And Chocolate Chips With Toji = Amnesia/Mistaken Identity + Passionate/Romantic Sex, Emotional Bond + Lotus Position

Follow along using #sundaetropes, #300followersevent and #vee writes.

Event masterlist | Vee's Masterlists

Sunlight filters through the small apartment as you quickly prepare breakfast in the small, cramped kitchen. Megumi swings his legs as he sits on the countertop, his large eyes watching your movements as you bustle about getting breakfast ready. He’s already in his little school uniform, looking so contained and serious that you sometimes wonder how he was only 8 years old. Megumi accepts a bowl of oatmeal from you but you can see his expression is worried.

“What’re you thinking about Megs?” 

“Why do you do it?” he asks quietly.

Your smile falters at the question but you pretend to be nonchalant. You knew exactly what he was asking about. “What do you mean?”

“Why do you keep taking care of him?” You gently cup Megumi’s cheek reassuringly. 

“Because that’s what love is Megs.”

Those keen dark eyes fixate on you and you feel like you’re looking into the depths of his young soul. You try to lighten the mood. “Ah look at me saying such romantic things! You’ll understand someday. But you can’t be late for school so eat your breakfast now!”

Thankfully Megumi doesn’t ask any more questions and finishes his oatmeal before thanking you and heading off for school. Once he’s out of the house, you feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. Temporarily of course, but the relief was welcomed. Footsteps come from down the hall and you swallow. Was today going to be the day…? Strong arms wrap around your waist and your heart swells in his presence. He was here, he was alive-

“Mamaguro. Why didn’t you wake me up? I wanted to send Megumi off to school.” The warmth in your heart was replaced with dread. But you arrange your features into a smile and turn in his arms. “You slept pretty late last night. I figured you could use the rest.”

“Hmm.” Toji grunts and then looks around the kitchen. “You’ve been busy. Making breakfast for me.”

“For everyone. Megumi needs to eat too.”

“You’re such a good mother.” You feel your throat tightening and suddenly his embrace feels like a noose. You wriggle free, to Toji’s dismay. 

“Where’re you going?”

“Bathroom.” You lie swiftly and without wasting a second run and lock the door. In the quiet, you let your tears run free. It was the cruelest of circumstances. You knew deep down none of it was Toji’s fault but there was so much resentment in you for the man you love. It wasn’t his fault that he had accepted that job so many months ago. It wasn’t his fault that the target he was pursuing was a bigger challenge than anything he had ever seen. Money had always been tight in the household and for him, this was a way to make ends meet. For him to feel like a provider.

Who could have predicted that he had bitten off more than he could chew? That the target he had been pursuing would overpower him, break his body like a rag doll, and leave him with what the doctors had called a “chronic, traumatic, brain injury”? The first immediate concern was that he would never walk again. But thankfully that hadn’t been the case. Toji could walk, talk, feed himself, and was generally self-sufficient. Now if only his memory would come back the same way!

You try to pull yourself together, reminding yourself that Toji needs you now more than ever, and so does Megumi. Amnesia was the enemy here, not your boyfriend. But it killed you inside each time he called you by Megumi’s mother’s name. It had been months since you had heard your name fall from his lips to the point where you were starting to feel like a ghost. You weren’t Megumi’s mother but you had been the one raising him. He was as good as your son. But to be called by a dead woman’s name, a woman you had never met, had taken a toll on your being.

The first time it happened, Megumi had blinked in confusion. “Papa, that’s not Mama,” the little boy had tried to correct him. But Toji had shook his head.

“Of course it is! Look! Don’t you recognize Mama when you see her?” Megumi had stared in confusion, and you had soothed him, telling him it was temporary, that once his dad rested some more he’d remember. It had only worsened. Megumi could see the hurt in your eyes and he didn’t bother correcting his father anymore. It seemed pointless, and only seemed to disorient Toji even more, sometimes taking his frustration out on Megumi, asking him why he was saying you weren’t his mother.

Megumi was your constant companion now. He clung to you when he came back from school, and truth be told, you needed him too. The only person who remembered you now was him. His mama, yet not his mama, who had become the only constant thing in his now upended life. Megumi called you often by your name as though he worried you would disappear from his life if he didn’t. Like using your name was his way of reassuring you that you weren’t forgotten, that he would always remember you no matter what.

You cover your face with your eyes, wondering how things had gotten this way. Because in the end, it didn’t matter that money was short or that Toji couldn’t hold down a steady job. All that mattered now was that you couldn’t leave, and you were faced with the harsh reality that Toji’s memory may never fully come back. Wiping your eyes, you steel your features into a mask of composed calm and walk back into the living room. 

Toji was appreciatively eating the plate of breakfast you had made for him. As you approach he pats the space next to him on the couch beckoning you to sit. You oblige, and as soon as you do, Toji pulls you against him. To him, he’s in his own world, a world where his wife wasn’t dead, and Megumi had his mother, the perfect unit of familial bliss. “I love you, you know?” Toji murmurs against your hair and you swallow, feeling a painful lump form in your chest. 

“I love you too.” What else could you say? Because you do. You love him so much that you had willingly stayed, even as he called you by another woman’s name. You stayed because you hoped someday he would remember you again.

Exhaustion overcomes you, and you fall asleep on his shoulder, feeling his broad hand stroke your hair, listening to his heartbeat pound in his chest. He was alive after everything, and maybe that was the true miracle here; that he hadn’t died.

You don’t know how long you were asleep, but you wake up groggily to the sound of your own name being called. Was Megumi already home? That gruff voice certainly didn’t sound like him. As realization fills your being, you’re jolted awake, and you follow the voice. 

It couldn't be Toji? It can't be. It didn't feel real. Perhaps it was a dream, where Toji’s deep voice was resounding in some chamber of your brain. You get to the bathroom and hear it again, unmistakably, your name, in Toji’s voice. You crack the door open. 

There he stood, tall, proud, muscled, and scarred, his hair dripping, water droplets covering his body. And completely naked. Your eyes widened. Beyond helping care for Toji during the initial recovery you hadn't seen him bared in front of you frequently. Sexual intimacy was out of the question because you didn't think you could bear it if he moaned his late wife's name in your ear. 

“Y/n didn't you hear me?” Toji asks, not stepping out of the shower. You blink. Resisting the urge to pinch yourself, you shake your head, looking at your boyfriend in wonder. 

“What did you call me?” You look at him with wide eyes, feeling the warning signs of tears pricking the backs of your eyes. 

“Y/n?” Toji looks miffed as he glances at you. “That's your name right?”

Time seems to freeze and you nod. Swallowing the lump in your throat you ask, “Why did you call me?”

“I forgot to bring a towel. Get one for me will ya?” You hasten to bring the towel, watching him dry off his skin, your mind buzzing with questions. Toji’s behavior seemed to suggest he didn’t recall that earlier he was calling you Mamaguro. He wraps the towel around his waist, then looks at you appraisingly.

What’re you getting all teary for?” You sniff and shake your head, a watery smile blooming onto your face. 

“Nothing. Just, glad you’re back.”

“Back? I was here all this time wasn’t I?”

You laugh for the first time in months. The relief of it spreads through your chest, filling your extremities with warmth. “Yes, you were. I meant when you went to shower.”

“You’re a weird woman.” Toji steps out of the shower to brush away a tear. “But that’s ok. I love you anyway.”

You catch a whiff of the clean scent of soap and lean back to look at him. He cocks his head. “You keep looking at me like I’ll disappear.”

Your lips move, but no sound comes out. You find yourself gazing into his eyes, seeing the recognition in their depths, the tenderness that he’d held for you. Your body reacts on its own accord and you tiptoe to kiss him, wrapping your arms around his neck. Toji is caught off guard by this but a rumble echoes through his chest as his corded arms come around you, pulling you tightly against him. You savor the taste of him, his tongue, his lips. You hadn’t been this close to him for what felt like forever. His breath quickens and his fingers tighten around you, digging into your soft skin. 

“Someone seems a little needy for my attention today,” Toji murmurs against your mouth before his tongue delves into its depths. You feel yourself being scooped up into his arms and a giddy rush shoots down your spine. Your legs automatically wrap around him, enjoying the feeling of his chest pressed against yours.

Toji lays you down softly on the bed, a large hand creeping up under your T-shirt to squeeze your breast, his mouth possessively covering yours. Your feet slip under the edges of his towel, flirting with the skin just under the swell of his ass. As he starts pulling off your clothes, you feel flushed, a heady skitter of heat and tingles running under your skin. He feasts on your creamy skin, his eyes hazing over as he brings a hardened nipple into his mouth. The small sucks feel like shooting stars under your skin, bringing heat and energy with them as they fly. Your nails scratch down his back and a moan escapes your lips, eyes closing in ecstasy as you arch your back to push your crotch against the bulge hiding behind his thin towel. Toji growls, nipping your bud, then laving his tongue over it to cool the sting.

Your hands grow bold and you reach down to undo the knot of the towel, letting it fall away and grasp his engorged cock in your hand, stroking the heated velvet and sighing your pleasure as he kisses his way down your body, licking the underside of your breasts, the tip of his tongue flirting with the dip of your navel. “You taste delicious baby,” he murmurs, pressing kisses on your belly. Your hand continues to pump his length and Toji halts, eyes squeezing shut as you run your thumb over his sensitive tip, gathering the milky drops and using them to slicken his hard length. Toji pants, each swipe of your closed palm bringing forth ripples of desire through his body, and with a huge effort, puts his hand over yours, stilling your movement.

Looking at his expression questioningly, you release him, then let out a giggle of surprise as Toji pulls you on his lap, holding your body tenderly against his as his thumb gathers moisture from your fluttering core and swipes it upward onto your swollen clit. A needy moan escapes your throat and your fingers anchor into his shoulders, hips rocking with his movements to get more delicious friction. You feel alive, the blood running through your veins singing. You had never thought this was something you would experience again, yet here he was, whispering your name along with reassurances as he teased the little button that was driving you to the brink. 

“Let go for me, baby. I have you. You’re mine. Go ahead…” His movements remain consistent but quicken and you choke out a broken cry as your body explodes with orgasmic delight, your core and clit fluttering in tandem from the sensations. “That’s my girl. My sweet girl…”

Toji holds your hips and helps you align your dripping pussy over his cock, then slowly, you sink down, facing him, impaled on his lap as your feet curl up behind him. The position didn’t allow for any kind of fast movement, and the both of you gently grind against each other. The romance of the moment was palpable, your breath mingling together, Toji’s eyes locked onto yours, unmistakably aware of who he was with. He groans your name several times as you ride, his hands bruisingly holding onto you as he places wet kisses on your neck, capturing your lips as the tender motions steadily push him towards a promising climax. 

You adjust your body slightly, feeling his cushiony tip brush against your cervix, hitting your gspot on its way back down. After everything…this was right. This is how it should be. “Toji…I love you,” you whisper to him and the words are met with an enchanted smile. 

“I love you too y/n…” He manages to say before his body pushes to an edge. You feel the contractions of his length inside you and continue to move your hips and bring him to a satisfying climax. His breath tears from his throat and he moans in your ear as he empties himself into you, thick ropes of seed painting your walls white. 

When you awake a few hours later, you realize Megumi will be home soon. You quickly tidy up, putting on fresh clothes. The doorbell rings and Toji stirs, blinking groggily against the light. “Quick, put your clothes on.” You toss him his pants and T-shirt, then close the door on your way. Your smile is radiant as you greet Megumi, pulling him inside and hugging him tightly.

“You’re crushing me,” Megumi gasps and you hastily let go. Megumi immediately spots the difference in your demeanor.

“You’re happy.”

“I am. Oh Megumi you have no idea.” You close the door and Toji makes an entrance, his smile gentle as he pats his son on the head. 

“Megumi…go change and let’s finish your homework. Mamaguro needs to prepare dinner.”

You’re thankful Megumi is already walking away to his room because you felt all the air in your lungs vanish, your heart splintering into two all over again. As the tears begin to well in your eyes, Toji walks over to you in concern.

“Are you sure you’re ok Mamaguro? You’ve been teary all day.”

You nod your head, choking back your sobs as you quickly rush to the kitchen to start preparing for dinner. 

dividers by @/ cafekitsune

@that-goth-bisexual @buttercupbitches @jadedjane @hunnie-lily

@soft--cherry @estarlias

@daswanj @connorsui @kentosgirlie @dreaming-about-seireitei @byul9158 @whatshernameis @galatict3a

@mangiswig @bleachbrainrotbro @illusionaryennui @harlekin6

@pernesophe @26xidk @an-ever-angry-bi @connorsui @muzansfangs

[genericpuff]

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[fishsticksloser]

Since we have sfw mating season turtle's, what about a nsfw one?

HEAR ME OUT-

(Feel free to ignore if your uncomfortable or your too busy to do it)

Mating Season Pt2

Future RotTMNT x gn!reader

Warnings: smut ish, fluff, feral turtles, talk about rough sex, talk about biting/marking, wounds mentioned

A/N: I'm not gonna write small little drabbles, but I will go more in depth

Donnie

He still had precautions

But you insisted on helping him

Who was he to say no?

He went through everything his species does during mating season

He explains that you will have to be under water for an extended period of time

That he can bite and scratch

Donnie really really wants to make sure you're okay with everything that might happen

This is a huge step in your relationship

It doesn't matter how long you've been together, Donnie would never ask you to be with him during this time

You can tell it's starting because he gets more affectionate

Normally kissing your neck more

He talks about the way you smell

But when the time comes, you're there with him

He made sure there were things for you to do, things for your safety

Like oxygen for you when you're underwater

He made a really big nest for you

When you see it, he grins like a little kid

He made it for you after all

If you don't show that you like it, he'll tear it apart and restart

Donnie bites a lot

He does accidently scratch you a bit, but that was just because he was trying to hold on

He's also fiercely protective

He growls and snaps at literally anything

When he sleeps, he's wrapped around you, not allowing you to leave

You're his

When mating season is over Donnie is affectionate

He feels so bad for biting and scratching you

Being rougher than normal

He'll try to convince you not to join him again

Leo

Obviously there were still precautions

Can't have the boss going feral now can we?

Leo tried not to show when it's coming on, opting to remove you from the situation completely

But it doesn't work, he needs you too bad

Leo gets overly touchy

He taps your butt, your hips, your chest, your neck, your face

He whispers in your ears about how good you look, how you smell, how soft your skin is

The few nights before his rut actually starts, he's goes at it with everything he has

He mumbles about how pretty you are under/on top of him

But he keeps it passionate, not rough

When his rut actually starts it's a different story

He's loud

Moaning, whimpering, and... yes, talking

Leo is rough, but tries to make it pleasurable for you too

He's still a talker even when not in the middle of coitus

The tapping becomes a bit harder, more consistent

Mostly tapping your face, hips, and butt

He still whispers in your ears, but its more about what he wants to do to you, how pretty you look while he takes you

Leo bites a little, he still has some control of himself

If he feels like he's going to bite, he'll find something else to bite

The nest he builds is relatively small, but so comfy since he's allowed to have pillows and bulky blankets

When it's over, you better believe this man is worshipping your body

He'll cover any bite or scratch in kisses, making sure you feel loved beyond measure

Mikey

Since he's gotten older, it's gotten a bit worse

He's still pretty normal, but he can get territorial

Someone touches you (even by accident) or is talking to you?

You might wanna take him back to your room

He gets hot, literally since his ninpo is fire based

Mikey acts pretty normal until something happens to you (like stated above)

It's best if people stay away from you, especially his brothers

Leo has had a scar on his right arm (cause that's his prosthetic now) from Mikey attacking him after he helped you with something

Why specifically his brothers?

Because they're turtles too and they're too much like him so what if they try to steal you

That's Donnie's theory at least

The nest he builds is comfy and warm

He really likes having you in it all the time so it stays warm

He'll crawl in and snuggle with you, letting our tiny chuffs

He's not a biter at all during rut

Mikey does scratch a little, but its more when he's trying to hold on

He still has a lot of control, so he tends to be very loving and passionate

But on his bad days, he's slightly worse than Leo

He defiantly still talks, overall he's almost completely normal except for the territorial and protective aspect

Afterwards, he almost cries

No... He does cry over what he's done to you

He really needs reassurance that you're okay

Mikey will give you lots of cuddles and kisses a little while after they heal

Raph

He gets a bit like this

He also gets worse as he grows

Whereas when he was younger, he was pretty chill

Raph gets more territorial

People steer clear of both of you because of how big and scary Raph is

He tends to become a bit mindless, focusing on only you

He sniffs and nuzzles you, chuffing loudly

If anyone so much as looks at you, he growls and pulls you into him

His next is huge to fit his large body

When you see it, he pulls you into the nest, wanting to make sure you like it

It's not as bulky and soft as Leo or Mikey's but not as thin as Donnie's

He is a chaser, he will run after you

It's part of his species mating rituals

Though he does go slower than necessary due to how fast he is

Raph is a biter

The first few times, he bit you hard leaving a scar

Now he tries to get old tires, something else so he doesn't hurt you

He also scratches, trying to keep you close

When it's over, Raph will cry and apologize while he takes care of your wounds

He feels so bad

Like Donnie, he will also try to convince you not to join him again

[jamjaemin]

One more night (M)

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: idol bf!jeno x f!reader

𝐑𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠: +18 mdi pls

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 ⚠: explicit content, hard!dom jeno kissing, fingering, unprotected sex, doggy, possessive, orgasm denial, dirty talk, rough sex, Praising and degradation....

𝐰𝐜: 1.5k

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: ONE MORE NIGHT is about missing your boyfriend jeno and the times you spent together. It's difficult to find that time again because of his work as a kpop idol, he's been so busy and you couldn't handle the distance asking to end this relationship just to threaten him. What's gonna happen when you tell him?

Lately you had the idea that this relationship will not last forever, there's no deep-rooted feelings anymore those late-night conversations that lead to intimacy, confessing his love for you so many times and much more. It's just different now although he told you about how his job works and it's not the first time that you had an argument about this topic.

the night you opened your mouth again, jeno seemed like he was going to explode with anger, trying his best to control himself. Every word that came out of your lips burned the heart that loved you blindly. It is okay to be impatient but he's no different than u, you did not think about how much he was trying to make your relationship successful even if your intentions were not to end it, most of times he come tired and see you after work.

On the night he found free time in his schedule, in his car and after a date. The timing was fucked up the situation was fucked up and you were just fucked up. You noticed that he drove faster and how his grip tightened on the steering wheel, instead of getting in the same argument. His veins want to burst from his skin. He had enough of your complaints and it's time to make you pay for your unforgivable mistake.

"I think we finished this nonsense a long time ago baby, no?", he said with a low voice smirking, he know you can't just turn your back at him because you loved each other's and can't spend a day without hearing his voice, either seeing him in person or on a phone call when he's away. Jeno have his own ways to change your mind no matter what you tried to say but this time he will do what he want to do.

“Did you really think that talking it out would change anything?” you whispered grabbing hard on your bag .You knew you were hasty when you said that, and you regretted it deeply.

You shivered hearing his next words, “do you think threatening me would, kitten?” He said rising one eyebrow not expecting you to talk back like this glancing at you for a moment before looking at the road and sighed deeply.

"Tonight can't be enough to teach you some manners, i need one more night" his lips moved again while turning the steering wheel all the way to the right parking the car near the familiar place where you spend most of time with him.

"I didn't mean it i-" you stuttered panicking when he get out of the car opening your door and pulling you by your wrist strongly, slamming the door behind you "get the fuck out" his grip firm and you never seen him like this before.The possessive nature within him swelled, the need to keep you close overwhelming. He led you towards the entrance of the house, his presence providing a sense of security and stability but its scary because u never seen him this mad. With every step, his dominance and control radiated, a silent reminder of the power dynamic between you. You were his, and he was yours, and he relished in the knowledge of the depth of your need for him, "My wrist hurts so much jeno! Relax your grip, please"

Your body was slightly trembling like it's your first time although you had sex many times with jeno but this time feels different...like you're a virgin.

"Shhhh" his eyebrows furrowed shushing you. Your trembling only fuelled his desire, he tightened his grip on your wrist, offering a silent reassurance that worse is coming if you don't shut up. The realization that this time felt different, the power he held over you, the effect he had on your body and mind. With each step, your weakness only seemed to intensify.

As both reached the entrance, jeno's other hand slid into his pocket, retrieving the keys to the door. The cool metal pressed against his palm, With a flick of his wrist the door unlocked, dragging you inside. The click of the lock echoes in the silence and you know its your end.

"Look at me and say it again" He murmured "you can't" and he was right you wanted him so badly, his voice laced with longing closing the distance between your bodies and without wasting a second he smashed his lips on yours, he start kissing you hungrily and aggressively, pulling your hair while breathing heavily. Moving step by step, It didn't take long for him to push you making you lay down on the couch....the bedroom was upstairs and he's so impatient and desperate to fuck you here and now.

He takes his white dress-shirt off after unbuttoning it, ripped some buttons from the strength that he can't control especially when mad and turned on before he's hovering above you.

"Jeno no-" He didn't let you finish your sentence and attacked your lips again doing the same thing to your shirt sliding it off your arms and throwing it on the floor.

From your lips, he kisses down to your jawline. Then to your neck sucking on it hard as if this is the last sex he'll ever have leaving his marks of ownership. You bite your bottom-lip to stop any moans you make, but it wasn't worth it.. you were a moaning mess he knows your body so well and everytime you moan jeno would go wilder, he snipes your bra off and keep going down to your cleavage and breasts fingers find their way to your hardened nipples, pinching and squeezing the sensitive buds. You let out a sharp cry. "not t-there"

“here?”he suppresses a groan lips are attached to your bare nipples teasing the hell out of you, swirling his warm tongue and sucking loudly. Your hands tugging at the strands of his hair as you moan his name. 

"I don't want this" You squeezed your thighs together bucking your hips as he kiss on your tummy reaching to your skirt taking it off too as he growls "spread those legs for me, cmon" before he loses his shit.

So ashamed from yourself to do so because of your arousal, thinking for too long what to say but he can solve this with force, he's so strong for you making you spreading them wide enough.

"Please stop" you breathed trying to hide the wet spot in your panties with your hands but he uses more force grabbing your wrists and pinning them above your head with one hand. "What's this baby, hm?"..your body jolted when jeno's long fingers slipped inside your panties feeling your wetness and teasing your clit making you squirm softly, even your own body betrayed you.

"Oh no, you lied to me twice princess" adding a rough whisper "Promise I'll not go easy on you" that ruined you immediately before he does.

"Jeno im sorry" You begged him, hoping he let it slide but lee jeno is lee jeno. your eyebrows frowning on how good he's making you feel waiting for his answer eagerly. "Too late" without a warning his fingers find their way inside your folds curling them and hitting every sweet spot of your needy pussy that makes writhing in pleasure.

"just like that...fucking slut, let me hear every sound you make" He added, straightening the fingers inside of you and going a little faster, loving how wet you were.“God, you're so wet and desperate for me.” 

You moaned louder as his thumb circled your clit, hips jutting up. “Ahh!—” Your pleasure soon turned to be unbearable “Oh, my god! hnn—Jeno!” He wasn’t gentle in the slightest, fingers working you until you were a sobbing mess beneath him, and just when you think you’ll come, he’s pulling away and slapping a hand against your quivering pussy. “You'll cum only when I allow you to” He rasps, mouth hot against yours.

"P-please don't do this to me I said I'm sorry" He let you whine but it wasn't long before you were interrupted by the sound of his belt, which made your poor body shiver.

“I’ve ap- apologized, jeno sl- ow down.”Jeno ignored you and thrusted harder, earning another whimper from you. no matter how you move he wouldn’t budge.

Since you didn't stop moving and without hesitation he flipped you onto your stomach and spanked your ass until it's numb and red, grabbed your waist harshly making sure to leave his fingerprints on your skin as you arch your back from pain and pleasure. “This is what you deserve for being impatient" ,tugging you back against him until his cock went inside you again "you can do better than just apologizing with words, prove it to me needy girl.”

You moan, fingers clutching against the couch as he rains down another series of slaps against your ass, each one stinging more than the last. It’s on the fifth one that you bite down on the leather fabric, desperate to muffle the annoying sound of your voice.

Jeno doesn’t like it that much wrapping his fingers in your hair, tugging you up until your back is pressed against his chest. He growls against the shell of your ear. “You’re gonna cry, and you’re gonna do it loud, show me how sorry you are"

Your eyes were burning from all the crying, you ended up submitting to him. Allowing him to use your body however he liked. You were on the verge of passing out when he picked you up and began fucking you as hard as possible "scream my name and make me fucking proud"

"Jeno! I wanna cum please" You sob fingernails digging into his forearm. Him telling you how good you're taking his cock and that your apology is still not accepted, the tears of yesterday’s forgotten placed by tears of pleasure. "So pretty" a low growl escaped his lips.

an hour passed – maybe two – you’ve lost count from the amount of times jeno has made you cum after denying your orgasms for long enough to make you break, your legs are giving out, shaking from pleasure after teaching you a lesson of respect.

it seems he misses you just as much, can't stop fucking you even when your pussy is dripping full of his cum, breasts swollen all marked and ready to learn your second lesson of patience, one more night.

𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫’𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: hope you enjoyed it as mush as I did writing it, i ended up choosing jeno for this one bc he fits it perfectly and bc I couldn't stop thinking about being manhandled by him ^^ anyways ty for reading♡

[astrea16]

Piers and Pirates

So I've never watched One Piece before the live action, and I was curious about the anime but wasn’t sure I’d be into it so I started with Skypiea right away. The interesting thing I’ve noted about the structure of the story is that it reads a lot like a DnD campaign: one big journey divided into story arcs with their own atmospheres and challenges, and of course the iconic “you want to go now?” that turns into a ten-episode prep before the sky islands. I’ve briefly mentioned them before, but some of the encounters are so creative. I’m thinking for example of the Swamp Priest with the body control of a toddler who can’t cross his arms on his chest and forgets to say things out loud; or the old lady at sky customs who will let you pass because she can’t do anything to stop you but then sends an entire squadron after you. It’s a shame the anime is so poorly paced because the worldbuilding is genuinely phenomenal—but then again, it’s like watching a really long DnD campaign.

You can tell that Oda put a lot of research into his manga because every piece of information feels believable, whether it be Robin’s knowledge on ancient civilizations—the fact that Skypiea itself was inspired by the Mysterious Cities of Gold makes so much sense—or Nami’s navigation skills. It feels like you could sail in any direction and find an island with incredibly rich lore and characters. I’m just in awe of how unique each of them feels. Character creation is HARD, and yet no two are the same in Oda’s world. I could only achieve this level of depth with consistent roleplay, and he did it with all of his characters. They speak for decades of reading stories and consuming art blooming into one personal mindscape.

But the most remarkable one is Luffy. As opposed to the typical hero on a journey, Luffy doesn’t stand out because of a major personal growth or anything of the kind. toraheart put it perfectly in their analysis by calling him a catalyst: the story isn’t about Luffy, it’s about how he changes the world around him. How he inspires people to break free from their chains, how he stands for an ideology. More than an actor, Luffy is a symbol. And you can see that as clear as day in One Piece Fan Letter (2024) where he receives less than a minute of screen time, yet his presence resonates throughout the entire episode. The Marine who was inspired to save his brother in a moment of crisis, finding his strength in the boy whose own brother had died before his very eyes. The little girl looking up to Nami as a beacon of hope and rebellion, the same woman who found the courage to ask for help so that she could free herself from a decade of child exploitation at last. The teenager who works at the bookstore, listening to Brook’s music to get through her day. All of these were informed in some ways by the unstoppable force that is Monkey D. Luffy. He quite literally jumped out of a fire in that episode, and we know that epic imagery is one of the most evocative means of inspiration. If the boy wasn’t an anarchist, he’d be the face of revolutionary propaganda.

Speaking of anarchy, some people have called him a terrorist and I think I can stand with that. Luffy is kind, yes, but he is also selfish and stubborn. Despite his desire to help people achieve their dreams, he is entirely unconcerned with casualties when he’s fighting. He has only one goal in mind and will do anything to see it to the end. What compels me isn’t his beastly strength or his extraordinary abilities, it’s the fact that he wants everyone to do the same. To find their one piece, and to add it to the puzzle. It may not fit the first time around, but there will be people riding the same wave as you. And if someone stands in your way, well then screw that! Why do you think Luffy was so happy to have his face on a wanted poster? I’ll give you a hint, it’s not because it confirms his power. It’s because he knows that the world finally sees him. Luffy doesn’t really care about the treasure, he wants to become King of the Pirates so that he can have a place in a world that doesn’t want him.

To finish up on Fan Letter because it’s a masterpiece and I need everyone to acknowledge it, you really get this sense of carelessness from the Strawhats making their escape out of Sabaody. Yeah, everybody knows what they’re up to and they’re not exactly subtle about it (see: Luffy), but since when do they give a damn? The whole world is watching and they’re not even looking back, they’re just feeling the wind in their backs and staring straight ahead. Doesn’t that make you want to go on a grand adventure yourself?

By the way, if you liked the feel of the animation I highly recommend checking out the Gobelins channel on YouTube. It features several shorts by aspiring filmmakers in art school and they’re all a freaking delight to watch.

[cornerstoreclown]

Helooo agaain :P this is not really a request (but feel free to write anything you want ) is more of a "how do you see this" i wanted to ask if you see Art capable of being vulnerable with the reader. Or even showing the itty bittiest amount of affection. I love to explore his character and not only read about the shallow exterior, but to explore a bit more than meets the eye yk? I feel like you capture that essence of him really well thats why i like your writing so much (sorry if i went off topic lol) bye bye 🫶🏻

Always glad to see you! And you truly have a way of flattering me. (It’s working 🙈❤️)

I do see Art as being capable of being vulnerable with the dear reader. I think that it really depends on their personality overall, but vulnerability with Art … It’s reminded me of a quote about Harley Quinn and Joker I read somewhere years ago in my teenage years.

Everyone’s seen the Joker laugh, only Harley has seen him cry. Now, I’m not saying Art has the capacity to cry, because I don’t think he has any functional tear ducts—crying here could be more figurative. Sadness does not always have to involve tears.

Everyone’s only ever seen Art smile and silently laugh. You have the privilege of seeing him when he’s not smiles. The reader has seen his other array of emotions that harken back to his humanity. Whenever he had it. Now how much of said humanity there was is up for debate.

And especially given the most recent movie? DHT believes that Art is now more dangerous than ever and I’m inclined to agree with him. Art is scared now. He’s now physically vulnerable. Our reader would get to see him scared. To the rest of the world he’s a cornered animal and willing to pull out all the stops to survive. And he will. But you’ve seen the fear in his eyes, that primal drive that lingers in every living creature that kickstarts us and fills us with the will and desire to live.

Affection with Art involves being able to share a space with him and not get your skull cracked in. I do see him as more on a grey ace spectrum as he’s primarily motivated by murder and mutilation, but you get intimacy every once in a blue moon. It’s not important to him compared to the joy and euphoria he gets in harming and eviscerating and killing others, but he’ll humor you—so as long as you’re okay with a little pain. Intimacy with him involves a bit of give and take. You can get some moments of tenderness and romance in exchange for your blood and pain and occasional suffering. It’s a very… sadomasochistic relationship and he’s going to drag you down into the deepest depths of hell with him. It’s about ruining you. He will literally be the end of you, but I suppose there’s something to be said for that level of devotion and love to jump for him, knowing what doom awaits you on the other side. You’re going to sacrifice every piece of yourself.

He’s a parasite who will devour you from the inside in the most thrilling, delicious, yet agonizing way possible. But at least he’s funny.

[trans-axolotl]

hi! saw your recent posts and wanted to ask for some advice, if that's okay. I'm a wheelchair user and I really want to get more involved in protests, but I feel pretty out of my depth. A lot of protests seem inaccessible and I just have a lot of questions about how things would work as a wheelchair user. I guess, do you have any tips about protesting as a wheelchair user and how you deal with inaccessibility?

Thank you!!

Hey anon! completely okay to ask for advice about this--I feel very passionate about this topic and am happy to share some tips! disclaimer that not all of the tips I share here are going to be applicable to everyone's situation--even among wheelchair users, we have so many unique situations, types of wheelchairs, health variations, other medical devices, etc etc. and many of us are multiply marginalized, which can also shape our experiences pretty significantly. so i'll share some general tips, and feel free to take what works for you and ignore the rest! most of this is based on my experience in the type of protests I go to in my city, so I also understand that this advice might not be applicable to every type of protest in every location. i've been involved in many types of protests for the past 9 years, from marches to die-ins to encampments, and have dealt with many situations including tear gas, riot cops, police brutality, fascist agitators, getting arrested, and many different types of high risk tactics. i don't want to position myself as an expert or anything, because i'm always learning and growing, but I do just want to share that for context!

I think the first thing I want to say is just to affirm that it is absolutely possible for wheelchair users to get involved in all kinds of protests, including higher risk and escalated protests. I'll focus on actual on the ground protests in this post because that's what you asked about, but know there are many many ways to get involved with organizing if protesting in the streets is not accessible for you. There are many of us involved in these type of actions already and figuring out ways to make it work for us, so you are not alone in that. I won't lie that it can be complicated, there's a lot of inaccessibility, and some shit might not be possible, but a lot of stuff can be made possible if we get creative.

Before the Protest

For me, one of the most helpful things is trying to find out as much information as possible before the protest, so that I can have a really good plan going in. Sometimes this might be more difficult, because there might be legitimate security culture reasons that a march route can't be announced publicly, for example, or specific tactics aren't posted about on social media in order to keep people safe from police surveillance. But when it is possible, this is the type of information I like to figure out:

What is the location? is it a stationary protest like a sit in or an encampment? is it a march? what is the route? how long is the route? are there obstacles in the route? are there curb cuts? is there hills? construction? other barriers? are there easily accessible exit routes? is there pavement, grass, gravel, etc? are there accessible transit stops nearby? are there accessible bathrooms nearby? if it's indoors, are there elevators and ramps?

A lot of times, to find out this information, I look through google maps street view, ask friends, or go in person if i can beforehand. for me, as a manual wheelchair user, I can deal with a lot of of nonideal circumstances such as hills, curbs, rough terrain, especially when I have a protest buddy who can help push me when needed, but it helps to know if i'm going to have to deal with those situations. Often times, protests are held in pretty inaccessible locations. Sometimes, this is because organizers are not considering accessibility which pisses me off, but sometimes, there are legitimate strategic reasons that we might need to protest at an inaccessible location because of the specific circumstances of the protest. (maybe we're even protesting at it because it's inaccessible!) You'll know best about what geographic features are inaccessible deal breakers for you and having that kind of information can help you make a decision about whether it's possible to attend.

What is the risk level? What tactics are being used? Are people intentionally risking arrest? What patterns of repression and brutality are most commonly used by cops in your city? How high is the risk of chemical weapons?

This can be really hard to predict--there's no way to ever say for certain how cops are going to respond and we can't see the future. But paying attention to how cops in your city have been responding to protests and learning the patterns of what types of protests are more high risk can help us make more informed guesses. We can reasonably estimate that a silent vigil in the daytime is likely going to be lower risk than a occupation of a building, for example. And for some of these things--there's no real way to make getting tear gassed an "accessible" experience for anyone, but for some of us, the consequences might be more severe than others. I have a comrade who uses a ventilator who cannot come to protests where we think there's a risk of chemical weapons, so that can be really important information to try to figure out beforehand.

What do I need to practice? Do I need to teach my comrades how to de-arrest a wheelchair user? Do we need to practice lifting me and my wheelchair over a barricade? Do I need to teach my comrades the safest places to hold onto my wheelchair if we're locking arms and moving as a line? Do I need to practice wheelies to get over curbs? How will I plan to protect the electrical parts of my wheelchair from chemical weapons? etc.

For higher risk protests there might be a lot of different tactics that we can use to navigate things like barricades, arrests, facing down a riot line of cops, etc. It is so, so helpful to be able to practice these skills with your protest buddies before a protest, so that when these situations start happening in a chaotic, fast moving environment, you and your comrades are prepared to navigate the inaccessibility that can come with a lot of these situations. You'll know what is possible for you and be the expert on what feels important to prepare for before an action.

2. At the Protest

Navigating a Crowd. To be honest this can be one of the most frustrating things for me to deal with while at protests. A lot of people are not aware of their surroundings, areas will get very crowded with little space to navigate, and people will block my view. The main ways I try to deal with this are by trying to be in the front of a march or on the sides of a march when possible, to try to have the most space to navigate. As we move, I continually scan our location to find the closest accessible exit route, paying attention to where cops are, curb cuts, etc. My protest buddies know that if we're in a middle of a crowd, they need to provide me with updates about cop movements or any other information that I can't see. I get loud and tell people to get out of my way when I need to. I try to stay near other mobility aid users, bike marshals, or people with wagons because they often leave more room for me to navigate.

Roles. There are lots of different roles we can take on at a protest that might make it easier for us to navigate. I sometimes like to join the bike marshals and help block off roads and intersections. Maybe you have medic training and you act as a street medic. Maybe it's more accessible to act as a scout and communicate police movement to your comrades. Other roles could include leading chants, handing out supplies like water and masks, acting as a legal observer, filming the cops, organizing art builds beforehand, etc.

Community. It's been super, super important for me to always go to a protest with a protest buddy so that we can watch out for each other and keep each other safe. Oftentimes, situations can change rapidly at higher risk protests, and we might end up in an inaccessible situation that we didn't plan for. If I don't have a protest buddy, I usually just turn to the nearest person next to me and start saying loudly "I need you to help me exit this situation/grab my handles and get me up this curb/tell me what the cops are doing etc." It can feel really scary and vulnerable to have to rely on complete strangers in these type of situations, but I've found that a lot of people are really willing to help if I tell them exactly what I need from them.

Surveillance. A lot of us really can't bloc up or hide our identities, because our wheelchairs are easily identifiable. This might shape what tactics we use, and also means there might be added surveillance concerns after a protest. When thinking about your own risk tolerance, grappling with the fact we are visible in a crowd is a really important consideration. This might mean we need to be even more careful about security culture, use encrypted messaging to communicate, avoid cameras, stay in a middle of a crowd to block visibility, and other things like that.

Unique advantages. There can be advantages and skills that we bring as wheelchair users! In flat locations and downhills, I'm much, much faster than my comrades who are walking--I can easily pass messages or get in front of a line of bike cops. I can usually carry a lot more supplies on my wheelchair backpack without getting tired. In my city, there's only one cop van that has a wheelchair lift, and at a recent protest where there were multiple of us in wheelchairs, I heard a cop say on their radio that "There are too many people in wheelchairs and we don't know how to arrest them all." In situations where it's logistically difficult to arrest us or the cops think the optics are bad, that can allow us to cause a LOT of logistical delays, act as a front line, get in between the cops and other people, and just generally make the cops lives a little more difficult.

3. After the Protest

Arrests. If we're risking arrest, there's a lot of wheelchair specific information we need to know. Theoretically, under the ADA, cops are supposed to arrest us with our mobility aid and let us have access to our mobility aid in jail. In practice, this doesn't always happen. Cops might arrest us with our wheelchair but then take it away from us in the holding cell, make us use the jail's standard transfer wheelchair instead, or just completely take away our mobility aid altogether. Cops might zip tie our hands so that we have no way to independently move. The cops in your city might have a van with a lift, or might try to get you to fold or disassemble your wheelchair and put it in a standard car. If they don't have a van with a lift and your wheelchair doesn't disassemble, they might have a contract with a wheelchair van company. Once we're taken to a holding cell, there's a lot higher chance we might get put in solitary. We often won't have access to wheelchair accessible restrooms. We might get separated from all of our comrades--at my last arrest, all my other comrades were taken to a location that processes mass arrests, while I was taken to a separate, wheelchair accessible location and held in solitary. It's super important that whoever's running jail support knows these things and can advocate for us and also track us in the system, especially if we're taken to a different location. If your area has a chapter of the National Lawyer's Guild, they often have a designated person running a hotline. It can be super important to memorize that number, and also to reach out beforehand and explain your needs as a wheelchair user if you're risking arrest.

Overall, there are a lot of considerations for protesting as a wheelchair user, and you are going to be the expert on what is important for you! My general approach is that I want to have as much information as possible so that I can make an informed decision about if I want to attend a particular action. Then, when I'm at an action, I expect my comrades to respect my autonomy and support me in making sure that I can participate and that all of us can stay safe.

Also, for any abled people reading this post, I want you to read this very carefully and understand just how many barriers there can be at protests for wheelchair users. You have a responsibility to your community to whenever possible, mitigate these barriers, choose accessible locations, communicate with your disabled comrades, and support us in the moment. If your excuse is that "oh there aren't any disabled people at our protests, so we don't need to think about these things," you're wrong, and this attitude ensures that no disabled people can show up to your protests. and if that's the case, you're missing out on so much meaningful experience and knowledge that your disabled comrades could bring to the table. "We keep us safe" means that we actually work to meet everyone's needs, including the needs of your disabled comrades.

anyway, this turned into a very long post, but any other wheelchair users feel free to add on your own advice! love to share as much community knowledge as possible, especially advice from people who have different access needs than my particular situation.

anon, please let me know if you have any other specific questions that i didn't cover, and best of luck!