#if you think i got something wrong please correct me or if you simply have a doffering opinion

[dogin8]

I have thoughts about how queer people choosing to be open and loudly Disgusted by men and the idea of loving one stems from the patriarchy and heteronormativity in how being 'appealing' or 'beautiful' were always attributed to women and were seen as feminine qualities.

I think it is the same set of ideas that contribute to the brand of homophobia that has no problem with fetishizing lesbians. The idea of a man loving another man being seen as intensely disgusting and sinful whereas the idea of a woman loving another woman is seen as attractive and desirable.

And I feel like the new brand of "Men are disgusting why would you ever love / choose to be one" really feels like it just contributes to the already pretty severe internalised homophobia surrounding gay men.

[a-b-riddle]

Part 8

You had planned to spend Sunday morning nursing a hangover with Mere and Tabitha, but after last night’s events you had decided to catch up on organizing the shop while putting your phone on do not disturb.

You had turned your location services off in hopes that for a few hours the world would just leave you the fuck alone.

A few hours was all you were given before a tapping came on the front door of your shop around noon. Peering through the glass window, you spotted him.

He was holding a huge brown paper bag looking at little worse for wear since the last time he showed up. You debated on ignoring him. He had missed the early morning shower otherwise you really would have left him outside.

Bastard.

"John-" When you opened the door, he entered immediately. No doubt guessing you planned to slam the door immediately after telling him to fuck off.

He would have been right.

"Please," you say flatly before closing the door. "Do come in." After last night, after this week, the last thing you wanted to do was see anybody. Him, Johnny, Simon, Kyle, fucking Meredith or Tabitha. Why was it so hard for a person who had very few people in her life, all of which were on the skirts with her, to leave her alone for a single day?

"Well?" You asked when he said nothing. He cleared his throat, as if preparing himself for a long, drawn out speech.

Instead he handed you the bag, the smell hitting you. Warm and welcoming. Price was the only one out of the four who could cook a damn good meal, which made him extra picky when it came to eating out. “Wanted to check in.” He stuffed his hands in his pockets, not knowing what to do with them now. “Simon said you had a rough night.”

You scoffed at the understatement. "Yeah," you hated this. You didn't want to tell John about your shitty night with your even shittier friends. "It wasn't the best night out."

"So you know that bloke who got handsy or was he just some random prick?" Your mouth fell open in shock. You didn't expect Simon to be such a fucking gossip. And how fuckin' dare John for thinking he had any right to know who was grabbing your ass and your involvement to that person.

No. Fuck that.

"We're not doing this," you said putting the bag on an empty display table. Fuck. You need to go ahead and unbox that shipment in the back.

"What?" He asked, oblivious as to what he said that was wrong. You push heel of your hands into your eyes, trying to stop the headache that was threatening to form. "Some prick took a feel of ya' and I want to see if-"

"If what?" You cut in. "If I need some comfort at being utterly fucking humiliated at Simon going all caveman in front of everyone and dragging me outside like a child? Or do you want to finish want Simon start with almost killing him!"

"From what I heard, he didn't kill him," John's audacity to correct you as if Simon's restraint was remarkable baffled you. "There's something to be said about that."

"He held him by the neck in the air like a ragdoll. He choked him out in the middle of the pub."

"But," he held up a finger. "he didn't break his neck. He knew you'd be upset."

"You're not seriously defending him right now." You could feel your blood pressure rising. Your lid ready to blow like a fucking kettle.

"From what Simon said it didn't look like the attraction was mutual." That gave you pause. Simon told John it didn't look... mutual. Could Simon tell you were uncomfortable? Did he hear everything Percy said?

Where the fuck did Simon come from anyway?

why the fuck was he at the pub in the first place???

Your mouth hung open for several beats. Any longer and a bug could fly in. But fuck if it didn't feel like cold water had been dumped on you. Why and how did Simon think it wasn't mutual? Why did he care??? Why was he acting like he didn't?

"He-" You began, trying to think of what to ask only to simply screech out "What?" John held his hands up in surrender. Your kettle whistled. You were pissed. More pissed than John had ever seen you and it was still a miracle you hadn't hurled the take out at his head.

"All I'm saying is if he grabbed you without an invitation and Simon saw, the prick is lucky to be alive, much less still walking around with hands."

"Si-" you started. "He-" You clinched your fists so tightly your nails painfully cut into the palm of your hand. "UGH!" You stomped your foot. It was childish, but you didn't care. "I don't need him rescuing me goddamit! I don't need any of you pissing on my legs like a fucking dog and-" you didn't stop. You weren't sure how long you carried on verbally lashing John nor did you give a single flying fuck.

Fuck him. Fuck Simon. Fuck all of them. They didn't get to stalk you and relay information like gossiping fucking school girls. They didn't get to break your heart and believe that you would let them piece it back together. They didn't get to neglect you only to realize you knew your worth. Only giving a shit until you walked away.

You went on and on until your throat ached. You weren't sure what thoughts had left your lips. You weren't entirely sure all what you said. All you knew is that you didn't feel any better. The look on Price's fallen face didn't give you any relief. You took it out on him and you were still hurting.

"Why?" Your voice was hoarse and pleading. "Why won't you guys just fucking leave? You were barely staying in it when we were together? Why now?"

He took a tentative step forwarding. His hands started to reach out to touch your arms before falling back down at his side. He knew he had lost the right to touch you. To comfort you.

"I miss you, Dove." He confessed it as if it would somehow make it all better. "We miss you." You try not to let it phase you, but fuck you were made of flesh, not stone. No matter how angry furious disgusted absolutely devastated you were with everything that happened, with what they did and didn't do, you still, or at least had, loved them. That love didn't vanish over the span of a week. Lord know your broken heart hadn't. "We'll do better."

"It's not that simple." You shook your head, your palms covering your eyes as they began to prickle. You hoped the motion would come across as tired frustration, but John knew. It was your tell. You were close to crying. You always rubbed your face when you were upset.

"It is." He said, finally taking the chance to touch you. Even if it was just to hold your hands in his calloused ones. "We mucked things up, let us fix it. Give us at least the change to be better."

"How?" You asked. "Stop fucking yelling at me for a couple of months until something makes you blow your fucking lid and I'm left feeling like a little kid who's in trouble?" You were surprised not to see him flinch away, but the soft look in his eyes was enough to break your heart all over again. "Or Kyle actually showing up for dates? Johnny not treating me like a fuck buddy?"

"We haven't been good to you." He admits and you still don't feel better. Leaving them hasn't made you feel any better. Only angrier. Yelling at him didn't. Fucking Johnny and breaking his heart didn't. Maybe Mer had a point. Just not with Percy. "We all wanted you and slacked off in doing right by ya."

"So what?" You press. "You want to resume where we left off? I just take you all back and work through the fact of how shitty you all were and hope that you make it up to me?

"No," he shook his head. "Not like that."

"Then what?" You asked.

"I'm fighting for me and you. No one else." You didn't know what to say. The four of them had always been a part of the deal. All or nothing. I mean, the fact that you even entertained the idea of being with all of them was the reasoning that if one of them had went down on the field, three more were there to take care of you.

"If the others can get their own shit together great." He shrugged his shoulders. "If I can't and they can, that's fine too." He stared in your eyes and for a moment, you thought about the first time John apologized for getting angry. Not at you, just in front of you. How he had gotten on his knees and told you the last thing he wanted was for you to be afraid of him. To look at him the same way recruits looked at him. "But I think where we failed was all of us was expecting another one to pick up the slack."

That much was true. Where others failed, others thrived. Simon always stayed after sex, Johnny never raised his voice, John was insistent on going on dates, and Gaz was emotionally available... when he was around at least.

"I know I wasn't the man I needed to be. I wasn't the man you deserved. I took things out on you that weren't your fault. I spoke to you in a way that if any other man did, I would knock him right the fuck out." He shook his head before giving your hands a squeeze. "I'll do what I need to do to set things right between you and me. I'll put in the work to do whatever it takes to have you trust me again."

"It wasn't about not trusting you." You counter

"But it is now." He said. "You don't trust me to respect you; to show kindness, patience. And I know I have my own shit to sort out before even thinking about us being like we were. When things were good, I mean."

You don't know what to say, but you can't say he's right. You don't trust him. Not with your heart. Not anymore.

Moments of silence pass before John lets go of your hands and takes a quick survey of the boxes around you. Your background music of Van Morrison still playing softly from the speaker near your computer.

"You seem busy, so I'll let you get to it." He takes in a deep breath. You're expecting another spiel about how he promises to work on it. Just to give him a chance. You're actually worried you'll consider it. "I picked up your usual. Figured things haven't changed that much since we last went to our spot down by the river."

"Haven't been there in a minute."

"You wouldn't." He said. "Closed the place and moved shop. It's over by the park."

"The one with the asshole geese or the one where Johnny and I were flashed by that guy strung out?" That makes him laugh. You can't remember the last time John laughed. The way his eyes crinkled and his smile shifted his whole face into something entirely joyous.

You missed it.

"Asshole geese." He answered before turning and heading to the door. You didn't speak until the chime of the bell rang.

"What if the others don't?" You ask before he had the chance to close the door. "Get their shit together, I mean."

He turned, giving you that signature closed smile that makes him look like a quokka. You told him that once and he had to googling before arguing that he didn't look like the world's happiest rodent. "That's on them. I have my own work to do." His smile dropping into something softer. Something pleading and pitiful. "But, we still want this. We all still want this. Want you."

You shook your head. The threat of tears returning as you realized how wrong he was. Maybe he did. But not all of them. "Simon doesn't." you huffed, arms crossing over your chest. "He's made that much clear."

"That I don't believe." He shook his head. "Not for a minute."

"Believe it." You sucked in air through your nose as if trying to clear it. Price knew he had to leave. He knew he couldn't see you cry. He knew you wouldn't want him to even if he wanted to stay and make up for all the times he was the reasons behind your tears.

"I didn't do what I needed to and I'll do whatever it takes to get you back." He promises. "But if it came down to it... if you want to settle down and just chose one of us to have you, to keep you," he took in a deep breath. The next words like a knife twisting in his chest. "I wouldn't truly love you if I didn't tell you that Simon is the only one of us who deserves you."

"Why?" You knew in that moment Simon hadn't told John about that night. About his cruel words and your realization that he was right. There was never a true happily ever after with them.

"Because he's the only one willing to hide in the shadows and let you live your life," his smile now gone completely. "I'm sorry that I'm too selfish to do that."

[thatfrailsoul]

– If you love me, then love me from the heart

tarot pick a pile reading ( → 1, 2, 3 )

pictures from pinterest → one, two, three

Slow down for a moment. Give your conscious mind a moment of rest, allow it to step back. Instead, listen to your subconscious mind, to that inner voice, to the intuition that is guiding you to the pile in which your message hides. A message about the love that your heart is longing for. The one that you are hoping to find…

This is our third reading from our divinatory jukebox, inspired by possibly one of the most beautiful songs that I've ever heard - "Yağmur Yağar Taş Üstüne" by Mustafa Güzel and Batuhan Fırat (feat. Belkıs Güzel). I'm so deeply grateful for the person that suggested this song and gave us the possibility not only to discover it, but also to have such a deep and tender message through this reading. It is difficult to find the correct translation for this song, but I strongly encourage you to listen and read it, as it is simply magical in the softest way. I will leave you the links that were recommended to me here, in case you would like to listen to it. And if you would like to see a pick a pile reading inspired by your favourite song, you can discover more about how to participate here↓♡!

♪♡♪ Divinatory Jukebox ♪♡♪

P.s. This is my first attempt at a longer reading, so if you feel comfortable please let me know in the comments what you think of it! If you prefer the shorter ones, if there is any aspect of the reading that makes it difficult for you to read it, or in case you will take a look at the extended version of this reading, if you would prefer to have something more specific in the additional messages of our readings - I will cherish your opinion and use it to get better with each post!♡

– Pile One,

{ The love that you are longing for }

the magician, the seven of swords, the page of coins

Love… you so often consider it just a feeling. A feeling that after all these years alive you still can really connect only to your own self. To you who seems to be the only one to feel it. To give it. While all that others do is receive it from you. Giving you back some gratitude perhaps, but never something that feels like what you gave them. Nothing that really fills in that part of you that was emptied for them… Making you really wonder if perhaps you got it wrong for all this time, if what you considered love never was it. If you imagined and expected it to be more, made it be more. Giving others much more than any person could ever give you in return, more than you ever should've done…

All that attention, that care, that genuine dedication that you put in, time after time, for every soul that was close, going out of your way to be there, right by their side for whatever might come… But still standing alone when facing your hardships, your difficult moments. Only you on the first line, out there in the cold, just you against this world… You genuinely never thought that this is what love would be. You expected something different from what you always received from others before. A complete opposite of having to do everything on your own, of that fear of what will happen to you if one day things in your life won't work anymore. You thought that it should be different from that because you know for sure that all those years of struggle alone never had even a bit of love in them, not from the people that were all that time around and close to you, but never did anything to help you, apart from telling you that this is how it works and that you should grow and take care of yourself on your own.

You alway imagined it, in those dark and painful nights, a hug, a caressing hand, a soft voice that assures you that everything will be okay, that it won't be forever this way, that you are not alone but you will always have them… So you did your best to be deserving, manifesting those tender and loving ways through your own self. Through the way you looked after others, the way you cared for them. Not only knowing that this is the right way to treat others, the way you genuinely want to be, but that it will be also worth it, that you will one day feel the love you gave, through others that will do the same… But it never came. You never saw your reflection in them, you never saw that part of your heart that you gave away being nourished and taken care of… it was always mostly just appreciated in the moment. And forgotten. Or worst, taken advantage of by expecting or asking more. So after all these tears, all the days dedicated to others instead of yourself, all your prayers for help and support, just a little comfort, that you never received because they are too busy to take a moment to give you back that love that you never declined them…. You started to think that you are in the wrong. That the love you always waited for is just a dream that the real concept of love can’t live up to. No matter how much you can look for it or want it. It is simply not something possible. And you are asking for too much.

{ What this is all for }

the judgement, the ace of swords, the lovers

This world, this life in general… has a really unique way of helping us to learn, of guiding us in or through the right direction and path, of letting us know that everything will be alright… Their language is so different from ours that we really struggle to understand it, those words that come in the form of pure feelings directly from within us. The ones that we should trust the most but never do so. Especially when it comes to love, something that we so much idealise, something that we have so much desire for.

Your heart is so sincerely tired, it went through so many betrayals and wounds inflicted by those that you tried to love. To the point that it simply feels that heaviness, that weight of this experience that you never really wanted to begin with. So you feel like you are ready for something else, for that love that you did all of this for, if it even exists at all. But are you really sure of it..? Of knowing so well the person that you would like to have by your side each day, their character, their behaviour, their values? Are you sure that you really did look for them and not just anyone who seemed to be able to love? Are you sure that you really know your worth and the one of your love, how one must love you in order to really give you all that your heart needs and wants? Or did you think that you knew it before, and now you are settling for much less than you are deserving of, because of the overwhelming loneliness and fear that it will be this way for the rest of your days unless you accept whatever one gives you in return? Are you sure that you are remaining loyal to your own self and your soul, instead of trying to “sell” it to whoever is close and good enough?

Because, even though perhaps you are not doing it consciously, but you are changing. Little by little. Not in terms of who you are, but in the ones of who you allow others to consider you. Leaving it up to them to decide how much you deserve, what is the worth of your love and care that you give them after letting them in, where only the most sincere, genuine and trustworthy should belong. You just give them your all. Every single time. Without any limit or hesitation. Not even when all that you receive is another rude phrase, some judgement, coldness and distance once they got up and healed thanks to your love. You just do it. For everyone. Not choosing carefully, but treating every soul as the right one. And not in a good sense. Instead, you are not listening anymore to your own intuition or feelings, not trusting your own mind that recognises the things that are too off. You are just rushing in this hunt for “the one” as the time passes and you feel more and more scared and alone. You are throwing yourself at every possible connection, all in, wandering each time that it goes wrong what you did too little or too much of. And not realising anymore that it is not about how you love, if it is in the right way or the wrong one… But rather who you choose, even force yourself, to love. And how they are simply not the right one, no matter how much you sacrifice of your own values and preferences, just to make them fit in the place that it is not theirs to hold.

All these bad endings, failures, mistakes that you consider yours to be responsible for… Are just a natural consequence of you settling for less than you really desire and need in order to feel loved. All that sadness, that loneliness… are only your subconscious, your own heart that you willingly ignored at first, but that after some time managed to be heard by you, letting you know that the way you are treated, the crumbs that you accept, will never truly be enough.

Those endings, those coincidences that are never in your favour, those interferences in your connections from the outside world… are just its efforts to protect you and communicate with you, trying to show you that refusing your own standards is not what can help you find them, that right person that you can truly feel safe and understood with… Adapting to another person and changing, it is not what will make them love you like you want. It will only keep you stuck in a play pretend. Put you in situations and relationships that you won’t feel appreciated and cherished in. It will consume you from inside out, slowly but surely, just because that one time you believed more others, than your own self that always knew what was best and right for you, what you really wanted to feel and who you wanted to have with you…

The time already passed, you already got through so much. You can’t do anything about it, and it is alright. But you can do yourself a favour and listen again to your own heart, before following that overwhelming fear and anxiety of being left alone in the cold and the dark. Your heart, your love, they are unique. But not at all the only ones. There is a soul, out there, that is your perfect reflection, someone who resonates so much with your ways of feeling love. And you can and will find them. The moment you stop seeing all that happened and you went through as the mistakes you made, ways that you can be better by being more or less… And start to see them as simply were and when the things didn't feel right for your heart, for who you are. Because those things that you felt the lack of, or perhaps as though it is just too much, are the ones that you need to hold onto, to look for in others. Instead of ignoring them, just so you can fit in the perfect version of love of someone and they can accept you, even though you are not theirs to love…

Although it seems so easy to do through words… We know too well that sometimes it is not enough to just choose to listen to our heart more. It is not always enough when we, in a certain way, forget its language, when we are not able anymore to comprehend it and separate it from the voice of our mind that we learned to follow… For this reason, there is an additional message for you, if you want to, in our extended version of this reading. What you need to know and remember as you continue on this journey, in this search of the right person for you, but also of the confidence and trust in your own heart, that will be the things that will change everything about the situation in which you are now.♡↓

{ a little message for you }

—

– Pile Two,

{ The love that you are longing for }

the wheel of fortune, the sun, the devil

It happened so many times… So often you felt overwhelmed, completely overtaken, by the life of someone you loved… Their problems, their difficulties, their fears that became yours. Yours to resolve, yours to take care of, yours to endure, even though you never could really influence them, not the things that depended on their actions, their decisions. Not when it was something that was purely theirs to create, destroy and live… It happened so many times, truly. You felt so often the urge to be there for someone, just because you knew them, just because you saw their struggle and couldn't help but to try to save them. Because this is what everyone deserves, yes… But with those that had a special place in your heart, those that you felt so close to you, so needed as the air you breathe, there never was a chance for you to say no. Not when your heart so ardently fought for them each day, no matter if it was your battle, your victory to take or not.

One by one they took a part of your life from you, gladly accepting your love, your support and help. And leaving it all to you, to your heart and mind that never were supposed to live so many lives, go through so many situations and emotions, bear so many consequences that were coming from actions that simply weren't yours. And they took it from you. That time and energy, the courage and strength that otherwise would have gone to you, to your own healing, growth and protection. They took it all from you and, worst of all, they were able to do so thanks to you. You who gave it to them, all that you had, in the name of the love that you felt. You that not even once regretted it. Not in the moment at least…

They took so much from you, making you get used to it, to have so little, to give away so much… That now, for once, you want to find someone different. Someone who will not take advantage of your heart. Someone who will understand that, no matter how much you want and try, it is not the right thing to leave it all up to you, to handle their life… Someone who, for once, just knows more, knows better. Someone who can teach you, gently, softly, as they protect you from your own self, from your own urge to disintegrate yourself for the happiness and safety of someone else.

For once… you want to be overwhelmed by someone's joy, their hope, their desire to be here and to live this life. Their strength to choose to see the best aspects of the things. Their strength to be patient, to have faith, to believe that everything will work out in the end. For once you want to receive that strength, not to give it away. For once you want to be protected, guided, as you trust someone who doesn't expect you to lead the way out of the darkness of their days…

It might sound selfish to some, so entitled to look for someone who has it all figured out, who has better and more control of their life… But you are simply tired. And a little lost, if one can say the truth. Tired of figuring everything out constantly, keeping others above the water, as they push you down, never thinking of the air they are taking away from you. It’s not about an easier life, about receiving constant help or guidance, leaving it up to others to make the choice for you… It is about just wanting to have something that is left for your own self too. A little time, a little love, that you can give yourself without being afraid that in the meantime someone would get upset or hurt. You just want to be able to take care of yourself too, not only of those that you love, of your connections, of your situations, that seem to be destroyed each moment you are not looking after them. You just want to have someone that is by your side, living their life, instead of living yours that becomes so scarily about them, their necessities, their dreams, their worry and losses. You just want someone to learn from, or together, how to live this life in the most right and healthy, loving way. Not to teach it. While you yourself don't have any idea of how you are still here, how you made it until now every day.

{ Will you ever find someone like them }

the justice, the eight of wands, the queen of wands

This new and almost desperate desire in your heart now, might feel a lot like frustration, the last realisation of how things should've been when everything already happened, when it is too late to change them… But instead of a tragic end, it is more of a hopeful and promising beginning. The one that you are creating with your each thought, with each moment of understanding of what it is that you really want to feel, when sharing your love. The taste of it, the feeling, the emotions it can give you. With each found answer in your heart you are changing your life, much more than you expect now. Because it really is all about your choices. Your decision of who you will be accepting into your life from now on.

There is a part of you that is growing, getting stronger, preparing to be vigilant and serious about its duty: the one to protect your heart. One little thought created by the tiredness, the sadness of all that you endured… was enough to move the waves of the whole world, of the reality around you. Of who will be brought right to you, and who will be pulled back, not being the right ones. Changing your connections one step, one person at a time. Giving you back the right to decide for yourself, making you remember that you can in fact do it, you can choose the ones dear to your heart.

And it won’t be delusion, entitlement, selfishness, or any sort of limit that you will put on your heart… It will be just you, all grown up, who will now know that it is okay to not take it all on yourself, whatever and whoever comes, because of the fear of what not doing it will cause. It will be your understanding that people can and will make it through on their own, even if they are so afraid or feel incapable of facing their life right now. And it will be also your acceptance that not every story you hear is yours to live, to feel, to make sure it has a good ending. Not everyone is yours to protect and help. Not everyone has the right to come before your own self.

It might be a change that will take its time to settle in, especially in your heart that is just so full of love. Love that you didn't give yourself for so long, pouring it all in the needing hands of those by your side. But it will happen. It will feel safe and right, to allow yourself to choose how much the realities of others influence your life. And as you will go through it, as you will seek that courage and strength… It will be enough to remember that everything will be okay. Even in those moments of uncertainty, it will be enough to hold on tight to the message that we will receive, if you want to, in the extended version of this reading. A message about how you can and will change your life.♡↓

{ a little message for you }

—

– Pile Three,

{ The love that you are longing for }

the ten of wands, the star, the death

It is so difficult to need to explain yourself, your actions, your urges, your reactions. It is tiring to open up your mind and your heart sharing them with others, again and again. Just for them to not understand it, to not pay the slightest of attention, to not take it seriously, all those things that are still consuming your soul… It just feels so useless to go through it, to come out of your comfort zone so hopeful that they would be that right person… only to see them walk away, who scared, who uncomfortable, who deluded or bored. Leaving you feeling like a poor seller who is unable to demonstrate the worth of your broken, lived, soul. When you don't even want to do it in the first place. When it is so ridiculous that you need constantly and so fiercely to defend or explain your wounds, as if they didn't already hurt enough.

It just consumes you. Consumes your every desire to go out there, interact and try to connect with people, creating with such dedication a relationship that - you know it too well - will just be destroyed. By your own past, your own frail soul that is too difficult for others to manage, to use or control. Too delicate to do anything with it without hurting it more.

Deep down you know that not every single person you met was truly so evil at their core. But it still hurts you like hell, being rejected, just put aside, simply because of the way you feel so strongly and deeply every detail about this world. Just because you have more depth to your feelings, more power to the emotions that simply overwhelm you, good or bad, every single bit of them that fills you whole. And that you welcome and feel completely, still remembering how cold and dark it was when there weren't any emotions in you at all.

It just would've been much easier, for once, to not have the need to defend yourself, the way you became. If for once the one in front of you focused on who you are now, and not on who you were or who you could become if only you suppress your soul. Because you changed, yes, and it might be sad to not have that spark that others adored so much about you anymore. But the you who survived still and always deserves the same admiration and love, perhaps even more, after all that you were able to endure. This you who is so different is still you. The you who gave you the strength and courage to face it all. The you who shouldn't at all be forced to explain yourself to those that can't even do one thing: just listen to you, hear you truly, at least for once.

Because it is not so difficult, in the end, to just accept someone and love them for the way they are, without any if or but. You know it well, because you always did it and always do with everyone that is close to you. But while they can be themselves, knowing that they will be truly safe with you, their every wound that will be taken care of without any judgement or expectation to receive something in return… You are always asked to be less or more. To hide your pain, to be more joyful. To not react too much to the things that hurt you. To, instead, be more understanding and patient, accepting, of the ways of others. Even though they never tolerate yours.

So you remain here, among so many of them but still feeling so lonely, so trapped, exactly like it used to feel before. You still are being hurt, even though you had so much courage in not hiding yourself, your scars. Even though you learned to have the needed strength to stand your ground when others didn't see that they were stepping on your heart… And you still hope. That one day, somewhere and someone, for once will just feel drawn to you. Not a memory of you or your potential change. Just someone who, for once, is gentle and kind in their ways. Not because you asked them to, not because they were forced by your tears… But just because they are connected enough to their own heart. Enough to recognise the painfully familiar stories behind your tired and scared eyes. Just one person, just one single time would be enough. Just one single moment in which you would feel loved and cherished the way you are, even with all those fears and doubts that everyone has always something to say about. Just one true and genuine connection. One single chance for your heart to find again the hope that you, exactly the way you are now after all your battles, not less not more, will be enough.

{ You are not in the wrong }

the page of coins, the strength, the six of cups

Finally standing up for yourself, taking your defence, pushing back those that don't make you anymore feel safe… it took a lot of courage, especially when every decision that was already hard enough was also met with judgement, with pure rage, just because for once you weren't ready to be there for someone else. But while you thought that the worst part will be this, finding the strength to prioritise yourself, the most difficult part revealed itself to be resisting the urge to take all your words back, bowing your head, surrendering to discourses of others about how you shouldn't ever do that again, and coming back to your old and consumed self, asking it to endure it once again. But this time with the full awareness of how it is wrong, to give away so much of you, remaining with so little that it is never enough to take care of your own heart and mind…

You are resisting it now with all your strength, but the single thought that they might be right, that you are indeed acting too selfishly, is already enough to shake you to your core, to fill you with the pure terror that you might be becoming one of those that hurt you, coming down to their level without realising what you've done.

But you are not. I promise you. There is nothing wrong in putting yourself first for once. There are no mistakes when you are acting from your heart, from the pure desire to protect yourself now that you are realising that it all just has been too much. You are not the villain here, even if perhaps there isn't one among them either. There is no evil in knowing what you deserve and want, and not accepting nothing less from others, even if they so perfectly mask it with words like “It is the way I love”, “This is the best for you, the best you can ever find or hope for”...

You’ve endured a lot, so much that it is truly non conceivable and admissible that someone belittles it. That someone doesn't give it the importance and incredibly powerful and heart wrenching meaning that you surviving all of that holds. Don't stop for them, for their fears that you will change. Because it has already happened, in the good and in the bad. And if someone can't accept and respect the new you, if they, even in the name of their love, can't accept you… then it is okay. There will be someone else. Someone else who will meet you, get to know you, and learn to appreciate and cherish you for the way you are now, not a memory of who you were.

It might be sad to let go of some people, to lose some connections. It might be frustrating to see their absolute conviction that you are the one in the wrong… But you are tired now, you feel weak after needing to fight against them again and again just to protect yourself… so don't waste your last remaining energy on them, on proving them wrong when they already ended this story as it is more convenient for them in their head. Let them go. Let them be. Not to allow them to think that they are right. But for your own self and to give you that space and time to rest and recover, to take care of yourself.

This world is vast, there are so many of us. Remaining now for a moment alone… doesn't at all condemn you to have all the days of your life lonely and cold. It is just a phase, just a precious moment that will sign a new step in your growth, in how much you consider your own worth and protect yourself at all costs. People come and go. Some are good and some are not. But you are unique, you are the only one you have, the most important person that you need to love and take care of. Even if it means to not accept the love of others, simply because it is so different from what you are longing for. Even if it means to reject the company that you so much want, because they never offer it genuinely but only when it is so convenient and needed for them.

Times will change, you'll start new journeys, go through different paths that will align with others, new and completely different persons. And you'll create new connections, better ones. Better because of the ways and motives of those that will come closer. Better because you will be much more rested, healed and confident after this focus on yourself and this pause. Better because there won't be any play pretend, endurance or feelings that will be ignored. It will be better. Simply because you will learn from your mistakes, you will grow. And so will those that you will let go of, but not at your own expense and endurance of the way your heart hurts for them. Because they might not realise it now, they might be so convinced that you are the one hurting them… but you are making the best decision not only for your own self, but even for them. You are giving all of you a new chance. A chance that you for sure will take and use it to nourish a new beginning in your life, new connections that will love you, cherish you, protect you at all costs. Exactly like it should be between truly loving souls.

And if it feels still a little too overwhelming, a little too scary and unsure, the decision to put yourself first… There is a little message about the future, at what it holds, in our extended version of this reading, right here, if you want or feel the need to hear more.♡↓

{ a little message for you }

—

_

[azaharinflames]

Sorry I need to rant for a tiny, little bit, because...

You know what I find particularly funny?

Their version of Buddie simply does not exist.

And I am not talking about how it is not canon, that is a given. But their version of it. The things they've claimed they do, or feel about each other, or think of each other.

(Disclaimer: I have my own opinion of their friendship and I do believe there are way better friendships within the show, including for Buck. But I do acknowledge they do love each other as friends and deeply care about one another. And that Chris is important for Buck. That is not up to discussion here. Okay, we can go on)

They have this whole "Buckley-Diaz is a family" that consists of Buck spending 99% of his free time at the Diaz house, of them having weekly movie nights, and of Buck taking Chris to school almost as much as Eddie does. And this is simply not true.

We do see Buck spending time at the Diaz house, of course. When he's hanging out with the Diazes (something that, might I point out, has not really happened since Season 4, as the few scenes we got of them hanging out since have been at Buck's loft - correct me if I'm wrong), helping Eddie out, in a group setting, and hiding from his sister and her helicopter babysitting. Movie nights- when is it even mentioned this is something they do weekly? Not once. And please correct me if I am wrong. Buck does not take Chris to school almost daily, not because he did after Eddie's breakdown does it mean this is a normal and usual occurrence. It doesn't mean it isn't, to be fair, but nothing in canon tells us otherwise. I will give them the zoo, however, because in canon we do have Eddie saying Buck takes Chris there all of the time.

What we got, however, was scenes showing how Buck has his own independent life. He has lots of scenes in his loft, as much as Buddies hate it, as we have never gotten an off-handed comment on how little he's spending there because he's at the Diazes all the time. We've gotten scenes of Buck reaching out to people who are not Eddie for help. And oh, of course - we have gotten scenes of his family (whether you like the Buckleys or not) having a family dinner. And guess who was not invited? Oh, right.

(We have, also, gotten enough scenes with Tommy that we know post-going official, they spend most of their free time with each other. Thank you to Bobby for also confirming this. We love you, king)

With the Diazes, we got scenes that showed how Eddie and Chris exist on their own, without needing Buck there to complete their family. We got a whole ep where Eddie was dealing with Chris's new crush, and instead of making that be a Buckley-Diaz 'family' storyline, Carla was the one accompanying Eddie and being the other adult in the situation. We can say whatever we want about the dating debacle at the end of Season 6 (I also think it was a mess, but for the way they rushed it), but Eddie did not say: oh, Chris and I are fine, we have Buck. And he did not say it because it simply would not have made sense.

And oh, I could go on and on on how the Eddie they have in Fanon is also not the one we have, but this is way too long already. Do let me know if anyone wants to hear it though. Although I will probably write it down whenever I am bored enough.

Short story very long: Buck and Eddie are good friends. They respect each other and clearly enjoy each other's company. And the show has definitely played with the concept of family for them (looking directly at the elf from season 2 here), but never too serious. Never in canon. Outside of the 118 being a family (which I am not denying), at least for me, it has always been obvious how Eddie and Chris were very valued by Buck, but his close-knit family (nuclear family, if you will) is and has always been Maddie (now extended to Jee-Yun and Chim as well), and Bobby (something he's admitted in canon, before someone comes at me for this).

Now, thankfully, we have Tommy to join in in there as well ☺️

[tokutaiseichan]

Characters Awakening Lines Translations

After posting the lines for Jin and Rui, I felt like translating other characters too so here we are!

Please note that since I don’t have access to all of the characters’ lines, most of the raw lines are taken from the unofficial JP wiki. The texts are all there so if any of you notice any errors/mistranslations, feel free to correct me!

FROSTHEIM

Jin

Awakening: To think I'm receiving alms from my servant... Should I kneel in front of you? Fully Awakened: Trust is something that can be broken easily. Don't you dare come any closer than you already have.

Tohma

Awakening: This feeling… It appears that you want me to keep reaching out for the top. Is that how it is? Fully Awakened: With this power, we're one step closer to achieving our goal. And I'm* going to make sure we see it through the end. [*he's referring to himself as “ore” instead of his usual “”watashi” here]

Luca

Awakening: I devote myself to protecting the weak, for that is the path I have to take. Fully Awakened: I'll become stronger than anyone. I don't want to lose anything important to me一not anymore!

Kaito

Awakening: Could it be… even someone like me can get stronger too? Fully Awakened: You have done so much for me! This man, Kaito, will no longer run away!!

VAGASTORM

Alan

Awakening: This power is dangerous. Stay away from me. Fully Awakened: I don't really know what’s appropriate to say for this kind of thing, so… well… umm, thanks a lot.

Leo

Awakening: C'mere, Honor Roll~ I'll show you those guys’ ugly crying faces too~ Fully Awakened: Obviously. If I don't like someone, I’ll take matters into my own hands and create hell on earth just for them. There's no such thing as divine retribution, you know?

Sho

Awakening: Thanks for waiting. Well? What do you want me to do now? Say it clearly. Fully Awakened: Sure, okay. I got it. If it's your request, I'll make sure to at least listen to it through the end.

JABBERWOCK

Haru

Awakening: That sure hits the spot~ Now I don't even need those energy drinks! Fully Awakened: I'm going as far as this road is going to take me. I made a choice to walk down this path and it's not something I can just simply throw away.

Towa

Awakening: Heheh~ Did I get stronger? How interesti~ng. Fully Awakened: I wonder why humans are such foolish, whimsical, and pitiful creatures… yet they manage to still be so lovable?

Ren

Awakening: Doing something like this… Senpai, what are you planning? Fully Awakened: Geez! Even if you look at me with those expectant eyes, I know you'll just get tired of me right away…

SINOSTRA

Taiga

Awakening: Gyahahahaha! Aren't you one greedy little kitten~? But I don't hate that about you. Fully Awakened: A hasty greed and a sincere wish. There's no big difference between the two of them.

Romeo

Awakening: Come now. Is it really the time to be charmed by my beauty? Fully Awakened: I need to be perfect all the time一for that is my way of staying triumphant on this world.

Ritsu

Awakening: This will help in furthering my career. Fully Awakened: I definitely will become the best attorney in Japan, and then I shall ensure my father's name will be clear from all the alleged infamy he's received.

HOTARUBI

Subaru

Awakening: I’m so happy that you're right here beside me to watch me grow. Fully Awakened: “Ignorance is Bliss" and “Silence is Golden”. Don't you agree that it's unreasonable to try and break the admonitions we inherited from our predecessors?

Haku

Awakening: Oi oi oi. Don't expect too much from me, you hear? Fully Awakened: If our life were decided by the things we were born with, you bet I'd be the first one to kiss that kind of life goodbye.

Zenji

Awakening: It seems that my capability has bloomed yet again! Fully Awakened: I was wrong, my dear. As it turns out, dreams are not to be kept as just an idealized fantasy but something we should achieve with our own hands.

OBSCUARY

Edward

Awakening: Oh dearie me. If you whip my old bones any harder, I might actually die this time, you know? Fully Awakened: Sometimes a youthful folly can lead one into committing grave sins. So I hope that you keep this in mind一remain modest and cautious.

Rui

Awakening: Thanks a bunch for working hard for my sake~ I really mean it! Fully Awakened: It's fine if you ended up forgetting about me. I simply wish for you, of all people, to become happy.

Lyca

Awakening: Thanks. I want to show the current me to Neros soon. Fully Awakened: I’m going to work hard. I don't want to come back to those hellish days anymore.

MORTKRANKEN

Yuri

Awakening: This feeling! It stimulates my brain cells! Fully Awakened: I will pioneer the advanced road of genomic analysis for anomalies and establish myself as the best doctor in the world!

Jiro

Awakening: Thank you very much. I feel slightly better. Fully Awakened: I won't let you die. The reason I'm helping you? I don't really understand it myself either.

[hermetiqa]

How can you improve as a person?

Content Warning: this reading mentions abuse and obsessive behaviors. Please don't continue if you think you might get triggered.

Close your eyes and take a deep breath before picking a pile. If you feel drawn to more than one pile, it's alright, you may take the piles that you're drawn to. What's important is to take it how it resonates and leave what doesn't.

PAID READINGS | TIP JAR | FEEDBACK

NOTE: Please feel free to give me a feedback on my asks about the reading! I would highly appreciate it and it'll be a huge help for me to save money for my tuition fee this year.

Pile 1

Hello there, Pile 1! There's a lot of energy from you here. In order for you to improve as a person, you need to know who you truly are. Because I feel like if someone asks you some questions to get to know you, you tend to think about it first because you don't really know the answer. What are your hobbies? What's your favorite color? What's your favorite number? What kind of things makes you happy? I feel like in these questions, you tend not to have a direct answer. And that's something you need to improve in yourself. You have to get to know yourself more and stop spending most of your time with other people. Take a break from helping them from time to time because they're taking advantage of you and your kindness. I'm getting some people pleaser energy. You have to learn to say no. You have to understand that when someone doesn't like you, that doesn't mean you're a bad person, nor does it mean that they're a bad person. Not everyone has to like you, and you should learn that and apply it to yourself. Get to know yourself better, spend more time with yourself. And stop depending on what others think of you.

Pile 2

Hello, Pile 2! I'm also getting a lot of energy from you here, but this is more like an energy that needs healing. That said, you can improve as a person by healing. I feel like you have a lot of unhealed wounds, especially from childhood. I feel like you grew up in an abusive household, whether physically, emotionally or mentally abusive. Whenever someone disagrees with your opinion or tells you that you did something wrong, you tend to be defensive even if they meant no harm towards you. I can see that you're distant from other people, even your friends, because you tend to overthink that you'll disappoint them one day and you'll only get hurt if you ever get close or attached to them. You're scared of change, and this is something you need to improve. You need to heal from your wounds because your unhealed wounds are what could cause you to be a toxic or an unhealthy person or even have a negative energy at times. You need to recognize your growth and appreciate yourself from time to time. Learn to love yourself. You also need to realize that just because you got triggered at certain times and situations doesn't mean you'll never heal from it. That simply means that you're still healing from it. And healing takes time. Don't rush it. It doesn't happen overnight.

Pile 3

Hello, Pile 3! Among these three readings, your reading is the one that has the strongest energy. I'm getting that you're struggling a lot, mentally and emotionally. It's like you tend to get affected by things that are conventionally simple (e.g. getting good grades)(I'm unsure if this is the correct term). And whenever you have to deal with this, you tend to lean towards your addictions and obsessive behaviors such as getting drunk, smoking at least 5 sticks a day, staying up until 6AM, not eating on time, and using your computer a lot, especially to play video games. I can see that this is your way of coping with your inner struggles because you could have a low self-esteem and you're pressured by other people around you. You tend to compare yourself to other people a lot too and you feel bad and pity yourself whenever you realize that they're better than you, in your opinion at least. You need to improve this. Just like Pile 2, you need to love yourself. You might not be a people pleaser but you tend to shut other people out before they even get to know you because you think they're better off without you. You need to improve your self-esteem. You need to trust in yourself and believe that you matter too. You have to give yourself the stability within yourself. Love yourself. Change your bad habits. It doesn't happen in a blink of an eye, so take one step at a time. Change it little by little and don't rush yourself. Engage in healthy habits and be productive because this way, you'll be able to actually love yourself, appreciate yourself and realize that you matter just as much as any other person on this planet.

[zg0nuwa]

Hey, hope you're fine...and i see that you're another fan for Miguel (we are) can you write the father day with his daughter and the reader as his wife please:(?....(i just hate my daddy issues)

★ best dad ever ! ⎯⎯

i don't think you understand how much power you just gave me with this (i had like half of this written already but tumblr crashed and i was one step away from going into my joker era)

miguel o'hara x wife!reader

warnings ; angsty fluff, i tried experimenting with the spanish but i feel like i failed miserably, lowercase intended, i'm not a spanish speaker so you're free to correct me on the spanish.

miguels work schedule was very unstable. there were times when he would be gone for the whole day and then there were times when he could spend most of the day at home. you understood, for the most part, he had the multiverse on his shoulders no matter how hard you wished for him to have a much less dangerous job. of course not everyone knew why he sometimes had to disappear for long periods of time.

and one of them was your daughter. all she knew was that " daddy does very important things and he has to go but he will always come back ".

this year, fathers day rolled up on a sunday which meant not only your daughter was home but also you. for your husband it was a little more complicated. he woke up in the middle of the night to a notification from lyla about another anomaly going nuts in the wrong universe. you loved the ai but in this particular moment you wanted to explode her with your mind.

" i'll be back before sunset, i promise " with that and a kiss on your forehead he left through the portal in your bedroom.

the next time you woke up that day was because of your daughter. she climbed onto your bed and started to shake you lightly with her small hands.

" mom? where’s daddy? " you opened your eyes to gabi hovering above you with her favorite plush animal pressed close to her chest. she had this disappointed expression on her small face. you knew it was because of miguel being gone. she planned this whole day for him, you even helped her organize everything.

" i’m sorry sweetheart… daddy had to go to work. " you pulled her in so her head was under your chin. she clung to you like a small koala bear as you played with her thick brown hair. definitely his genes.

" but, he promised he'll be back before your bedtime sooo, we can still make something special. what do you say about that? "

after a small argument about who gets the cooking part of preparations, which obviously ended with you being responsible for it, you and gabi got to work. as you were looking through your old mexican cuisine recipe book [ that you definitely didn’t bought only for miguel to feel more at home during meals ] you saw your dughter holding a box of artsy stuff.

" cariño, ¿qué estás haciendo allí? "

" making daddy a poster! it's going to say 'el mejor papa de todos'! " you couldn't help the big smile from appearing on your face. you knew how much time miguel put into teaching gabi spanish and it always warmed your heart when they sat down at the dining table and simply talked in spanish, your husband making little corrections in pronounciation or grammar from time to time. but no matter what he always looked as if he had hearts in his eyes.

★

you knew miguels work schedule was unstable and sometimes took him out of the house for a whole day, and you understood. but gabi not so much. so here you are, 10:48 pm on the clock and no sign of your husband. you spent the past two hours comforting her and promising her that it wasn't miguels fault and that he loved her. finally at around 11 pm she fell asleep in her bed. you turned off the cat shaped nightlamp and as quietly as possible closed the door to her room.

with a heavy sigh you went back to the kitchen to start cleaning everything up. while puting away food into the fridge you heard a specific glitching sound and you already knew who showed up home.

" you're late. " you weren't really mad at him , it was just tiring sometimes.

" i know, i'm sorry love... it's just - things got a little out of control. " you didn’t look at him and his first thought was to come behind you and hug your waist hoping it would make you feel even a little bit better. “ was there something that i forgot about today? is that why you’re angry? “

" i’m not angry, but your daughter is. she planned the whole fathers day for you. "

" ay, coño… " he sounded defeated, tired, and disappointed in himself. you pulled yourself away from him and came up to the poster gabi made, its was rolled in a tube to not spoil anything before the big reveal. you handed it to miguel with a tiny smile on your face. he was a bit confused for a second but he got the memo and rolled out the paper to it’s full extent. you could see the tears forming on his waterline as he chuckled. probably because of the spelling mistake made by gabi that you didn’t have the heart to point out.

" me and gabi made a deal for you, you have take us to the zoo tomorrow, and she demands that you let her piggyback the entire time to repay for your sins. "

" i guess there’s no other option. " he said with a smile.

cariño, ¿qué estás haciendo allí? - honey, what are you doing there?

el mejor papa de todos - the greatest dad ever

ay, coño - oh, fuck

[worldlxvlys]

FOR THE DWB W MATT PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE DO A FIC WHERE HE COMES OVER N THE GUY IS STILL THERE I WANNA SEE WHAT WOULD HAPPEN🙏🏻🙏🏻 YOU DONT HAVE TO THO ID JUST LOVE TO SEE IT👁️👁️

lose your shit

dwb! matt x reader

warnings: mentions of sex, violence, mentions of blood, cursing

based on these texts, it won’t really make sense if you don’t read them.

a/n: the guy’s name is alex, i hope you like this <333

shit shit shit shit.

this is not good. i look over to the man laying in my bed, he was in a dead sleep.

matt doesn’t live that far away, maybe 10 minutes tops. however, he could have left before he even sent that text.

fuck.

i began to shake alex awake. “you gotta wake up, dude”

after a few seconds, he stirred and opened his eyes. “what’s wrong?” he asked, letting out a yawn.

“nothing. you just really need to fucking go”

“alright damn, but what’s the rush?”

“please just hurry up, i don’t have time for this” i said, pulling him off the bed.

“damn, was the sex that bad?” i didn’t even answer, just looked him up and down.

“alright, jeez” i collected his clothes from the floor and handed them to him.

he took the hint, beginning to get dressed.

when he was done he just stood there.

“was there something else you needed?” i asked trying to figure out why he wouldn’t leave.

“can i at least brush my teeth?”

“does this look like a fucking hotel to you? take your shit, and get out. now.” i answered, starting to get annoyed.

he just stared at me, mouth open.

“you do have a tooth brush and running water at your house, correct?”

“well, yeah. but-“

“ok that is amazing, lovely, the quicker you get out of my house, the quicker you can take care of your dental hygiene” i said nudging him out of my room.

i pushed him all the way to my door. maybe there is hope for this man after all.

when i opened the door, there stood matt.

fucking hell.

that has to be the worst timing i’ve ever had in my entire life.

his eyes immediately snapped toward alex. “what the fuck are you doing here?”

“i could ask you the same thing, matty-boy”

they know each other.

the two men stared at each other, never breaking the intense glare.

“oh great! you two know each other! well, alex was just about to head home so, y’all can catch up later” i said, trying to get him to walk away.

“actually, i think i’m gonna stay” he said, looking matt up and down.

well, shit.

this was like something out of a god damn movie. and while it didn’t surprise me that matt was acting this way, i wasn’t expecting this from alex.

alex did not seem like the type of guy to start a fight, he seemed more like the type to run away from one. he simply wasn’t built for it, at least, that’s what i thought.

matt clenched his jaw before grabbing alex by his shirt, pulling him outside and pushing him against my house.

“jesus christ, matt” i said in shock.

“what ya gonna do matty? gonna hit me?” matt did just that, swinging at alex’s face.

“you need to stay the fuck away from her. got it?”

“no can do, matty pooh. i can’t lie, she’s a good fuck”

matt didn’t like his comment, as he pulled his fist back to punch alex again.

alex, however, was quicker this time. he caught matt’s fist with one hand and swung at him with the other.

yeah, i was definitely wrong about alex.

“hey fuckers! i don’t know if you’ve noticed but my house is white. it’d be lovely if you didn’t get blood on it !” i yelled, making matt turn his head towards me.

alex took advantage of matt’s distraction to land another blow to matt’s face.

that shit looked like it hurt.

i then pulled matt away, placing myself between the two.

“you two need to get a fucking grip” i turned to alex. “walk away before i call the cops on your ass”

i turned to matt, “you’ve made your point, let him go”

matt gave him one last glare before gesturing alex to go. with that, alex walked off “your face isn’t the only place i left marks ” he mumbled.

matt started to walk after him, but i placed my hand on his chest to stop him.

i tilted my head at him, looking into his eyes. “it’s fine. just let him go” he looked at me, eyes softening, and nodded.

once i heard alex’s car door shut and him drive away, i pulled matt inside “come on”.

i brought him to my bathroom, pulling out my first aid kit.

“did he actually mark you up?” he asked, as i grabbed a wash cloth for his face.

“no, matt. he was just trying to get under your skin” i said as i ran water over the cloth and brought it to his face.

i began to clean his cuts, making him grimace. “i know, i know. sorry”

my tongue poked out a little past my lips, as i continued to clean his cuts.

he stared down at my lips the whole time, not saying a word.

“all done.” i said as i finished up. i started to reach over him to grab a bandage. “lemme just grab a-“ he suddenly grabbed my arm halting my movements as he studied my face.

my face felt hot under his gaze, as i tried not to show how nervous he made me. without another word, he grabbed my face, pulling me in for a kiss.

he kissed me with passion, like he was pouring all of his emotions into it. it wasn’t hungry or lust-driven. it said all the things that we could never say to each other’s faces.

he pulled away, pressing his forehead to mine. “what was that for?” i asked, eyes still closed.

“i need you to know that i care about you” my eye opened at this, staring into mine.

“i’m not using you for sex. i could never do that, baby. and i’m so sorry i ever made you feel that way. you are the most important thing to me. i can’t lose you, and i couldn’t live with myself if i let anything happen to you.”

he pecked my nose.

“i know that you’re capable of making your own decisions, and i’m not trying to take that away from you. but i know that guy and he’s not the type of person you want to be around. i can’t just watch him ruin you.” he moves a piece of hair out of my face.

“so i’m sorry that i just showed up here. i’m sorry i lost my shit. i’m sorry about the blood on your house” we both chuckled.

“but i can’t help it when it comes to you, you drive me crazy”

“hmm i don’t know i kinda like it when you lose your shit, it’s hot” i said as our noses touched.

he pushed my hips against my sink.

“good” he said as he went in for another kiss.

🌀🌀🌀🌀

hope you liked :)

masterlist

tag list: @lovingsturniolo @lustfulslxt @gwenlore @flowerxbunnie @sturnssx @mattslolita @its-jennarose @chrissturnioloswifey @sophssturn @bernardsleftbootycheek @queen161718 @chrisdevora @cupidsword @nickmillersn1gf @stramboli4life @mattsneezing @chrisstankyleg @sturniolobltch @vib3swithanuk @ciarasturn1 @bethsturn @sosmatt @bernardenjoyer @mbbsgf @soursturniolo @rac00ns-are-c00l4

[wonton4rang]

Pleasee do firsts with Leehan <333

HIII <33 OMW!!

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i love u 3000 ¡!

pairing: leehan x reader.

warnings: +18, smut, fluff, some angst maybe, kissing.

summary: short scenarios of firsts with leehan.

note: this is a series, you can see the members that are done here. <3 pd. i didn't check this so if it has any typos, please lmk and i'll correct them asap !!

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first time he realises he's in love; i have two sides for him, i feel like he would either know right away that he likes you, noticing how his heart pounded faster when you were around, how he got nervous each time you looked at him even though he tried to play it cool, how he would look for you in a crowd unconsciously, or he would just don't realise at all, everyone knows he would literally kill for you but he keeps thinking he just really likes you... as a friend. but i think he would realise he's in love w u with something random, like he would give you his gummies or simply ditch an afternoon with his fishtank to be with you. only then opening his eyes wide and covering his mouth with surprise before saying "oh my god, i think i like her" yes, leehan, you like her.

how would he confess; tbh i feel like he wouldn't make a big fuss about it. he would buy you something he knows you like, a chain, a keyring, anything material that can last (not flowers or chocolates) so it can be a token of the confession he made to you, whether you accept his feelings or not. he would call you over to his place or probably to a park or a place where there was just the two of you, he would go straight to the point, smiling with his eyes first before saying a soft "i really like you, can you give me a chance to be your company?" his hands were shaking when he showed you the prettiest keyring you've ever seen and how could you say no? you also liked him very much !! a soft kiss on the cheek sealed the contract.

officially dating w leehan; i feel like it would be the most normal yet abnormal thing ever. like he would be so chill, just cuddling you on the couch while watching something on the tv and then he would suddenly look at you a say "what if we went hiking? i think the weather is nice for it!!" and you would just roll your eyes and laugh a little bit before saying "it's 93F outside, baby, we would roast to death". he would be the type to always have his hands on you, it could be holding your waist, playing with your hair, just resting on your thigh or even around your shoulders or playing with your fingers, but he would always find a way of having physical contact with you. he would rather have food delivered to your place and eat while talking about each other's days instead of cooking because you both were tired.

first kiss; there are so many ways this could happen but being honest...? i feel like he wouldn't directly try to kiss you first because he didn't want to make you feel pressured so he just kept certain distance. the problem was that he got so used to keeping his distance that he didn't notice when you finally were ready, basically ignoring all your tries to initiate the kiss you've been longing for a few days. it gets to a point were he finally notices because you pout after he kissed your cheek and he goes like "what's wrong, y/n? didn't like that one?" and when you nodded with your head to confirm his words, he laughed a bit before giving you a small peck in the lips, that being your first kiss with him since you guys started dating about a month ago. and it didn't end there, because when he saw your cheeks flushed with that pink blush, he couldn't help it but kiss you again, this time properly, taking his time to kiss you goodnight.

first time he wanted to do more than just a peck; kisses with leehan were never pecks, it was an actual kiss, lips moving at a pace and sometimes your tongues met too, but that was it, you guys never really made out or touched each other up like animals. well, that until today because when leehan felt your back against his crotch he felt like he was going crazy, you were cuddling together on your bed, ready to sleep, but leehan would start to hold your thighs, pressing on the skin before softly kissing your neck and get close enough to your ear to whisper "i want to kiss you, baby" and tbh you could feel the boner against your body, your pussy clenching when you finally turned to face him and he took you in for the most explicit kiss ever. tongues tangled, saliva being shared and you humping him while he softly grinded against you. after you both got off, Morfeo held you both on his arms until the next day.

first time meeting your family; from what i know about leehan i think he wouldn't be too nervous about it. i feel like he would want to make a good first impression so he would ask you about your parents likings, he would ask you if they liked fishes or gummies, or basically anything he liked so he could bring it up. he would try to help cooking but would end up getting a cooking class by your dad that made them bond more than you would think!! he would be himself all the time, maybe not that loud but definitely not hiding his true self because even if he wanted to, it would be too difficult. i can see him saying "next time i come here will be with our wedding invitation" your parents would just laugh and you would try to pull him away before he finished it off with a "and i plan my next visit to be very soon!!" even though you were ashamed, all you could do was laugh. your parents loved him, in fact, he would go to their place to just chat or have a meal because he loved your dad's cooking skills !!

first time w leehan; the only thing that comes to my mind when i think of this is the word "comfortable". like i feel that everything would be so lovely and warm, his smile making your heart feel soft and your nerves go away, his fingers would lovingly trace your lines, playing with your hair while he kissed you with so much care you actually felt gone for a second. he would prepare you so good, his fingers fucking your wet cunt to make sure you are ready to take his cock before he actually goes in, kissing your pussy and leaving a long lick there before going back to your mouth and place and open kiss there "can i go in?" he would ask and after you said yes he pushed in slowly, going all the way in and the tracing it back. the way he fucked you, so deep and nicely, it felt so personal, so romantic and yet so dirty, the way his hair got messy, his lips looking abused because you bite them so much, the explicit sounds of your wet pussy and his hard dick making you squirm under his touch before you finally came undone, he came too, almost right after you. he would look at you for a few seconds, his dick still deep inside your cunt, he would laugh and kiss your lips, laying besides you before saying "wanna go for a second round?" well damn.

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this is the keyring he would give u :(( you guys have matching ones and carry them everywhere with the little fishes and flowers oh my 😭😭🫶 even the "confession letter" and some butterflies, i need one of those asap.

[heavyhitterheaux]

Dead End

Gif by @harlowgifs 💕

Synopsis: After learning a secret that Scalvo was keeping from you, it leads you both to make a decision regarding it. If everything goes well, the two of you will be together forever. However, if something goes wrong, you might have to live your life without him.

Pairing: Scalvo x Reader

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

Read Part 1 and Part 2 first

Scalvo didn’t know how to feel about what your father had told him after he had walked away from him and got into his range rover before exiting the parking garage. After he slid into the driver's seat of his own car and began making his way to meet up with Cobby and Rory, his mind was on overdrive. But the last thing that he ever wanted to do was for you to think that anything was wrong.

Staying away from you?

Your father would probably actually have to kill him for that to even become a reality. He just got you back and didn't plan on letting you go ever again. Scalvo did know that your father's connections ran deep, but he simply wasn't sure how deep. And that's probably where he would need help.

Your father wouldn't be able to do anything about him being with you unless he exposed him for what he really was.

As far as he knew, he had put a number of innocent people in jail and left them there to rot, but that couldn’t possibly be all that he's done over the years. Simply because people HATED this man. Word on the street was if your lawyer was going up against him, that he would definitely lose and that your ass was going to jail.

After the job he was going to do with Cobby and Rory and then figuring out everything with your dad, he was going to be done with this life. He had no idea where he was going to start making that a reality, but as long as he had you by his side he was going to make it happen.

It seemed like you two would argue more and more about what his job entailed after you had figured it out and he would always tell you,

Princess, just one more job

But ever since he told you that the first time, it has turned into many more.

A lot of times, he would wait until you were asleep and simply sneak out of the apartment to do a job and worry about you yelling at him later which would always happen once you woke up and found him missing. His phone would be going off repeatedly because you were about to rip him a new one.

“Hello?”

“Your ass better have a good reason as to why you're not in bed next to me right now.”

“Babe…”

“NO! DO NOT ‘BABE’ ME! WHERE ARE YOU!? If you say you're with Cobby…..”

“Um….”

“SCALVO!”

“I'll be back soon, princess. I promise.”

“You said that the last job you did was going to be your last. Do you know how many you've done since then?”

“Uh, two?” He responded, being unsure of the correct answer.

“Try seven. If you die tonight, you're going to have bigger problems when I find out about it. I'll bring you back and kill you again.”

“Princess, just….”

“Goodnight. The couch will be waiting for you once you come back.”

When you had hung up the phone on him all he did was mutter ‘fuck’ under his breath.

But you were in for a surprise when you heard the front door open at five in the morning and him groaning in pain. He was trying to be quiet in order not to wake you up since he knew you had to be up early for work. Even though you were beyond pissed at him, you stayed up to make sure he made it back home and threw off the comforter to go and check on him.

Walking out into the living room, you were confused when you didn't find him, but quickly gasped as you looked down and noticed a trail of blood. You quickly followed in and found Scalvo in the bathroom at the end of the hallway trying to peel off his shirt that was saturated in blood. You startled him when you called his name.

“BABY!?! WHAT HAPPENED!?”

“It’s not as bad as it looks, just go back to bed. I got it. I'm fine.”

“And leave you bleeding out on the bathroom floor? And how do you know it's not as bad as it looks!? IS THAT A STAB WOUND!? And you have the nerve to say that to a medical professional? Sit down and let me see.”

Not wanting to argue since he knew that you were already mad at him, he simply sat down as you got the saline along with some gauze to start cleaning it. As you cleaned it more and more, you noticed that it was deeper than you thought.

“You need to go to the hospital.” You whispered to him.

“Absolutely the fuck not.”

“It's deep! You need stitches! You act like someone is always out to get you. Our job as medical professionals is to keep you alive, we don't care how it happened. Unless you're in hospice, we see it to the end, but that's another story.”

“Because someone always is!”

“Well whose fucking fault is that? You have pissed me off so much in these last eight hours so I'm removing myself from the situation. Do whatever you want. If you want to die or have it get infected, that's on you. Your blood better be off this damn carpet by the time I get home. I love you, but you make me so mad with how you have me worrying about you all the time.” You told him as you turned to walk away and tears were starting to flow, but he caught your hand to pull you back.

“Baby, wait. I'm sorry, okay? Just… I'll go if you want me to.”

As promised, Scalvo walked back into your shared apartment an hour and a half later because he had stopped to get food for the both of you. He noticed that you weren’t in the living room so he assumed that you were still laying in bed and simply in your shared bedroom watching Fire Country which had been your latest obsession. His main thing was to keep calm and not have you suspect that anything was wrong.

But, he should have known better because you could read him like a book. As soon as he entered the bedroom with the food and drinks in his hand, you eyed him as you sat up against the headboard.

“Babe? Is everything okay?” You asked as he handed you a chai latte which he quickly learned was your favorite.

“Oh, um, yeah. Why do you ask?” He replied while not meeting your eyes.

“You look a little flustered, that’s all. I was just wondering.”

Scalvo was quiet as he made a spread in the front of both of you with different bagels and pastries to choose from along with handing you a veggie omelet. He kissed you before the two of you were eating in silence and Scalvo noticed that every few minutes, you would glance at him. He figured that he should tell you, now. Get it off his chest and get everything out in the open. He simply paused the show that you two were watching and looked over at you.

“Princess, I need to tell you something.” He told you as you were mid bite into your bagel. You slowly turned to look at him and nodded your head.

“You know you can tell me anything, what is it?”

“I’m going to have about three more jobs and then I’m done. I'm serious this time. I… I see what this does to you and see how disappointed you are in me all the time. I already know that you're out of my league and I don't deserve you for how well you treat me despite what I do in order to get money. I was just thinking about when I would sneak off after you were asleep and you would wake up pissed and blowing up my phone. The last time I did that, I ended up getting stabbed and needed stitches. The way you looked at me is…. I never want you to look at me that way again. Please understand that you’re important to me and that I’ll do anything for you. But… this is all I know. I’m going to be better for you because the last thing that I ever want you to do is get fed up waiting for me to be done with this life and end up leaving me. I don’t know what I would do if that happened.”

He couldn't do it yet.

He couldn't tell you that your father had just threatened him, so this was the next best thing.

Nothing that he said wasn't true, his goal was to make it a reality.

His last job was going to be taking down your father for everything he was worth.

He just didn't know what you were going to do once you found out… Or when.

That's why he had to make sure you didn't find out until everything that needed to come up to the surface did.

The two of you sat in silence while you digested what Scalvo had just told you.

“I'm not disappointed in you overall. I'm disappointed in the choices that you make sometimes. You weren't dealt the best hand in life so you had to do what you had to do. I can understand that it's hard for you to be able to visualize what your life might look like without all the mess happening around you. I'm just trying to be patient while you figure it out.” You said being completely honest and Scalvo was surprised.

“That's…. fair.”

“And the reason why I would get so mad at you when I woke up in the middle of the night and you weren't there was because I still have nightmares about me getting kidnapped. It only happens when you aren't here. I needed you and you weren't here.” You told him as you had stopped eating.

“I'm sorry, babe. Why didn't you tell me?”

“Because no matter what I say and how much I want a better life for the both of us, you never listen. It goes in one ear and out the other so why am I even trying? You’re an adult and can make your own decisions. Even though I did say I was trying to be patient, I am not going to wait forever. And to be honest, I don't know how much longer I can take.”

“Baby….. just… a little bit longer. It's going to be different now. By the end of October, I'll be done. I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do after but as long as I have you, I'll think of something. I promise.”

All you did was sip on your latte while picking at one of the pastries that you had placed on the plate in front of you.

“Babe?”

“Scalvo, don't promise me anything. Until you are done with this, I will literally worry about you every second in the day when you are not in my line of sight because I have ever since I figured it out. You are worth so much more than this and you know it. I just want a stable life with you and maybe even kids. However, I am not bringing a life into this world until you get your shit all the way together.”

Scalvo’s mouth turned up into a smile and you looked over at him dumbfounded.

“Uh, what is with you?”

“You want to have babies with me?” He asked while still smiling and you rolled your eyes.

“Is that all you got out of that?”

“No, I heard you and I'm going to do this not only for me but for us. Because the longer I do this, there is still a possibility that you could be hurt. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if that happens. And I don't want my kids to have to visit me in prison.”

“Then you better make sure that a situation like that doesn't happen.”

A few weeks had passed and you noticed that Scalvo had become distracted and distant from you. At first you figured that he was just so focused on trying to do what he needed to do to be done with this life, but now you weren't so sure.

You glanced over at him from the kitchen since you were making the two of you fajitas. Scalvo surprisingly was a good cook and the two of you would alternate. He was simply sitting on the couch and scrolling through his phone while the television was on for background noise. The food still had a little while before it was finished so you made it a point to ask him.

“Babe?”

“Hmm? What's wrong, princess?”

“Something is bothering you and I don't like that very much. You've not only been distracted, but distant. How do I miss my boyfriend when you're right in front of me? Want to share with the class?”

Scalvo was clearly very startled and he looked at you and sighed.

“I've just had a lot going on, that's all. One step closer to us being able to leave this place for good.”

“No, that's not it. Do not sit up here and try to feed me that. So, I'm going to give you another chance to answer my question.”

One thing about Scalvo is that he didn't like when people questioned him, but you were his weakness. All you had to do was tell him to jump and he would ask you how high.

“You really want to know?”

“Obviously. Something is wrong with my boyfriend. I can read you like an open book. I know when you aren't acting like yourself.” You said as you began to play in his curls and he finally spoke.

“Your dad threatened me a month ago to stay away from you, and I wasn't doing that. So I decided to do a little digging of my own about his past and I didn't find anything that he should be proud of.”

“Wait a minute….”

“I didn't want to tell you until it was all over and done with. I don't want to hurt you with this. There are things that…”

“It's my father! How can it not? He knows how much you mean to me! And you know how much my father means to me! Why can't you two just learn to get along? I'm not leaving you, and he's going to be my dad forever.”

“I know, princess. But I'm not going to prison for anyone. Especially someone like him. No offense. That's why I've been avoiding going to dinner with you at their place. In not so many words, he’s going to put me in prison because he knows what I do in order to get money and make sure that I never see you again.”

You massaged your temples while trying to make sense of what Scalvo had just told you before letting him have it.

“ASHER ANTHONY SCALVO!”

“Not you saying my full government.” Scalvo mumbled since this was the first time you had done it and also raised your voice. He was on thin ice with you already, but this for sure took the cake.

“Oh, trust me, I want to say A LOT more. I should mop the floor with your 6’3 ass!”

“Princess, now is not the time for us to be arguing.” Scalvo said as he pleaded with you, but all you did was look at him and cross your arms.

“What did we agree on when we got back together? Remind me for a second.” You asked him as you sat across from him.

Scalvo hesitated because he had broken his promise that he had made you.

“Go on, babe. I'm listening.” You told him and he immediately sighed before answering you.

“That there would be no secrets between us.”

“Mm hmm, so why is it that you are just telling me my father threatened you almost a MONTH later?!”

“I was going to handle it!”

“Handle it without telling me!? Don't you think that is something important for me to know?!”

“Yes, but…”

“But what!?”

“I found out some things about your dad and I…. You aren't going to look at him the same and you're not going to like it. I wasn't about to tell you anything until I finished doing what I had to do, but it seems like it couldn't wait any longer. I didn't want to lie when you asked me why I've been so distracted and distant lately.”

“I already don't look at him the same because of what he did to your dad, but I want to know. Baby, tell me.”

“Y/N….”

“I can handle it! Just tell me. What are you hiding from me?”

“First of all, I am not hiding a damn thing from you. You need to talk to your parents about that one because they've been lying to you for your entire life. I always say that I wish I had still had both of my parents, but not if they did some fucked up shit like this.”

“I am about to yell your entire government again if you don't fucking tell me. What the hell could they have been lying about for my entire life?!”

“Yeah, you've been around me too long. Every other word that comes out of your mouth is starting to be ‘fuck'”

“SCALVO!”

“Fine. Here. Don't say I didn't warn you.” He told you as he slid a few papers towards you.

He looked at you as he watched your facial expression go from pissed off to disbelief.

“No this isn't real. You're lying.” You finally said as you looked up at him.

He was looking at you sympathetically before he answered.

“Why the hell would I lie about that? You're my girlfriend and the only person that I give a fuck about in this world. I love you and you think I would hurt you on purpose?” He asked, confused.

You scoffed before throwing the stack of papers back towards him.

“Oh, how quickly we forget? You did fucking hurt me when you broke up with me and disappeared without a fucking trace. So don't even give me that.”

“Baby, I'm not doing this with you right now. We have bigger fucking problems. It's real. If you don't believe me, go and ask the man that you thought was your father.”

“I need to leave.” You told him without missing a beat as you stood up heading into the bedroom with him quickly following.

“You aren't going anywhere. You need to calm down for a second. And it's almost 10 at night.”

“Who are you? My father? Oh and that's right, I don't even know my real one and besides how are you going to tell me to calm down!? I just found out that the man that I call my father isn't who he says he is.” You said as you turned around to look at him before heading over to your closet.

“Princess, we'll get through this, I promise. I know that this is a lot to take in, but I'm right here with you. I just want you safe. Just… let's go back and sit down and talk about this.” Scalvo pleaded with you as he grabbed your hand, but you quickly pulled your hand back.

“Fuck your promises! That's what you ALWAYS do. Promise me this and promise me that! My life has gone to shit ever since I met you and I'm mad at myself for loving you so much. I need to be by myself for a minute.”

“Y/N, you know good and damn well that I never meant for any of this to happen. I am not leaving you by yourself like this.”

“Hmm. You sure? Remember you've had your eyes set on my father's downfall from the beginning and got close to me so that it would be easier. Despite you saying that you didn't know who I was. You could have been lying the entire time. How do I even know this is real? How do I know that you even love me?”

“Are you fucking serious right now? Now you are saying a whole bunch of bullshit. If I didn't love you, when Don had kidnapped you, I would have let him put a fucking bullet in your head. But did I do that? Is that honestly what you think of me?”

“So, what do you want? A thank you? Wouldn't have happened in the first place if you didn't piss him off.”

“Y/N…. None of this was ever meant to hurt you.”

“Well you should've thought about that in the beginning, huh? So what's your plan? Blackmail? Put him in jail?”

“I…”

“You know what? Never mind.” You told him as you slipped a hoodie over your head and your shoes.

“Where are you going?”

“Anywhere to get the fuck away from you.”

“Baby… I'm not the enemy here. He is. He hurt you and deserves to pay for what he did. He has done wrong by everyone in his life and you have taken the biggest hit. I just want to protect you.”

“Don't fucking call me that. And it sounds like you want to protect yourself. He would never intentionally hurt me.” You fired back at him as you grabbed your pink Coach wallet along with your keys.

“You don't have any idea what he is capable of. He only shows you the side that he wants you to see.”

You ignored him and Scalvo watched you leave while slamming the front door behind you. He ran a hand through his messy hair before going into the kitchen and turning the stove off since he noticed that the food was now finished. After putting everything away, he opened his phone to see where you were since you had taken your wallet with you.

It showed him that you weren't too far from home at a 24 hour diner which he knew you loved ever since you were younger. You were mad at him, that was obvious, but not mad enough for you to turn off your location. But even if you did, you were still carrying the air tag.

Because how is he supposed to tell you that there was more?

More as in James had your mother killed because she was a witness in a case that he was prosecuting. To make sure that he won, he had to eliminate the problem. Since that now made you an orphan because she was a single mother, he decided to do one thing that would make this right in his eyes.

He adopted you and changed your name.

Your mother didn't have any family that he knew of so someone coming to look for you would be unlikely.

It was the perfect plan

Until Scalvo unraveled it.

It was about three in the morning when Scalvo finally heard the front door open letting him know that you were finally back. He heard you shuffle around the kitchen for a few minutes before he heard your footsteps making their way in the direction of the bedroom.

Scalvo was sitting on the side of the bed when you finally walked in. The two of you made eye contact and you weren't quite sure if you wanted to speak first.

But you did.

“I'm sorry for blowing up on you earlier, but I take it that you understand why I did it. You mean a lot to me and so do my parents so right now I feel like I'm stuck in the middle. Even if they aren't my biological parents. They raised me. I'm also sorry for accusing you of not loving me because I know you do. The things you do for me, you won't do for anyone else. I know that hearing me say that hurt your feelings. I saw the look in your eyes.”

All Scalvo did was open his arms for you to come towards him and once you did, he immediately slid you into his lap and kissed your cheek.

“It was a lot to take in. I was going to tell you eventually, but I didn't want to lie to you. I love you and you’re my person.”

“I love you back tenfold. I'm so proud of you for keeping up with therapy even when we broke up. I respect that you told me the truth when I asked and I'm glad you were open with me.” You told him as you brushed a hand through his curly hair.

“Everything that I'm doing is me taking steps to be the boyfriend that you deserve. You don't want someone who's shut off from the world all the time. And there's something else though but you were too upset earlier and I didn't want to add to it. I don't know if you'll want to hear this now or later.”

“Be the boyfriend that I deserve, but also be the person that I know you can be. And you might as well tell me.”

“Um, okay. James had your biological mother killed when he found out that she was a key witness in a case that he was prosecuting. He knew that if she ended up testifying that he was going to lose. She was a single mother and I can't find any of your other family. That's probably why it was so easy for him to adopt you. I can show you everything if you want me to.”

You sat there in silence taking it all in as you hugged Scalvo tighter. He gave you a few minutes and noticed that you were deep in thought.

“I guess it's literally me and you against the world now, huh?” You told him as you laid your head on his shoulder as tears started to silently fall down your cheeks.

“It was always that way from the beginning. If he deserves anything at this point, it's to take him down for what he did to you. When all of this is over, we can leave and never come back.”

“He killed my mom, so I want him to burn.”

“We just have to be patient. For now, my priority is making sure my princess gets some sleep.”

You nodded your head as you got up and took a quick shower before getting changed into your pajamas. Walking back in the bedroom, you slid in next to Scalvo and he quickly wrapped his arms around you.

When you woke up later that morning, you laid there for a while as you scrolled through your phone while stealing glances at Scalvo every few minutes since you were facing him.

Before you had gone to sleep, you had called out of work because you only getting two hours of sleep wasn't going to be enough. With all that Scalvo had told you last night there was no way that you would be able to focus and then an idea suddenly popped into your head. More than likely your father would be at his office meaning that your mom would be home alone. This was the perfect opportunity for you to ask her, but her main concern would probably be how you found out. Scalvo already had a target on his back from your dad, so there was no way you would give up an answer if she asked.

Putting your phone back down on the nightstand, you turned back around and started playing with Scalvo’s curls. A few minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he quickly smiled at you.

“Hi, princess.”

“Hi.”

“You’re not working today?” He asked you and you quickly shook your head no.

“I wouldn't be able to focus with everything going on, so I decided to take a mental health day. But, I think I should talk to my mom about this.”

If you didn't have all of his attention before, you definitely had it now.

“And tell her what, exactly?”

“Just ask her and see if she's honest with me. I'm obviously not going to tell her how I found out because you have a target on your back from my dad already. But just her, not him.”

“Truth be told, I really don't want you around them anymore.”

“I know, but we have to do what we have to do, right?”

“Yes, so I can put a baby in you.”

“Scalvo!” You exclaimed as you hit his shoulder and laughed.

“What? What I do?”

You simply shook your head as you smiled at him.

“What time are you going over there?”

“Probably around two.”

“Oh, good. We have enough time then.”

“Enough time for what?”

Scalvo didn’t respond to your question and simply moved so that he was hovering over top of you. His fingers slipped into the waistband of your shorts and slowly started to pull them down before he threw them off the side of the bed.

“Enough time for me to eat you out. It is my favorite meal.” He told you as he proceeded to spread your legs.

Scalvo was still eating you out when his phone kept going off.

“Baby, ignore it.” You told him as you held onto his curls making sure he didn't move.

It rang for the fifth time when he rolled his eyes and grabbed it off the nightstand. When he saw who it was all he did was sigh before answering.

“Hold on, baby. Because his ass is going to keep calling me until I answer.”

“But…”

“Thirty seconds, princess. I promise.”

“Fine.”

“Cobby, what the hell do you want? Your ass called me five times in a row so this shit better be important.”

“Hi to you too. Did you miss me?”

“I will hang up if you don't tell me what you want. I'm eating my girl out and here you come bothering me.” Scalvo told him and you quickly laughed before hitting him.

“Nasty little fuckers. TMI. Oh! Put me on speaker phone, I want to say hi to Y/N!”

“NO! What do you WANT!?”

By this time, you had started touching yourself and Scalvo had given you a warning look which just led to you smirking.

“Um, I forgot. Wait a minute, it'll come to me.”

“I'm not waiting for a damn thing. Bye.” Scalvo told him as he was ready to toss his phone back on the nightstand, but quickly heard his protests.

“WAIT! I remember. Are we still meeting later?”

“You know your ass could have sent me a damn text to ask me that?”

You simply sucked on your fingers before reaching down to massage your clit and Scalvo pinched your side in an attempt to tell you to stop but you shook your head no.

“Yes, but I love your voice so much. I missed it.”

“Cobby you get on my FUCKING nerves. The answer is yes. Now bye.”

“Make sure you kids use protection!”

“BYE COBBY!”

Once he had hung up the phone, he looked down at you and simply stared at you for a few minutes.

“If you make yourself cum, I will edge you for a fucking week. Move your damn hand.”

“Well then hurry up. I told you not to answer it.”

By the time you reached your parents house it was almost three in the afternoon. Your mom was surprised to see you and since you didn't want to bombard her with questions from the minute you stepped inside, the two of you made lunch together and were now sitting across from one another eating when you finally spoke up.

“Mom?”

“Yeah, doll? What's wrong?”

“Who's Riley Carter?” You asked and you saw all of the color drain from your mother's face. She cleared her throat before she answered you.

“Where did you get that name?”

“It doesn't matter where I got it. All that matters is that you two have been lying to me for twenty-eight years.”

“Y/N….”

“Or do you mean Reagan? Because that's my real name isn't it? Given to me by my real mother?”

“I… there are just some things that were complicated and we thought it was best not to tell you.”

“Oh like having my mother murdered so that your husband could win his case? He would have lost if she had taken the stand.” You replied as you took a sip of your blueberry lemonade.

“Look, no matter what I say, you're going to find fault in it. All I can tell you is that I'm sorry. Even if you don't want to hear it. Your father is…. I didn't find out a lot that he had done until you were damn near eighteen. By that time, he had threatened me not to tell you anything. When we met, he already had you and told me that your mother was killed leaving him to be a single father. You were about nine months old. Despite everything that he has done, I do love him.”

“And you were just going to keep this a secret?”

“To be honest, yes. The less you know, the less danger that you would be in. I can't have my only daughter taken away from me.”

“What? Why? What are you talking about?”

“Your father has a lot of people that don't like him. They would hurt you in order to hurt him or if you piss him off enough, he'll hurt you himself. That's why you were always in boarding school and have my mother's maiden name. All to protect you.”

“Hmm, that sounds familiar.” You responded when you thought about what Cobby had told you regarding your boyfriend.

“I figure that I know too much. If I were to divorce him, he would not get over that easily. Just as he had her killed, he would probably do the same thing to me. That's why I stayed. To keep an eye on you and hopefully not be killed. All your father craves is money and power. He hasn't loved me for a long time and I know it. At one point, he definitely did, but not now.”

“Mom… you cannot just stay here with him.”

“What other choice do I have? Look, all I want is for you to be safe. I know Asher was probably the one to tell you all of this. If anything, I want you to stay as far away from your dad as possible, both of you. I'll be fine. But just know that both of us love you. Well at least I do. I can’t speak for him. If you get in his way, he probably wouldn’t hesitate to do something to you.”

You nodded your head to tell her that you understood.

“There's one more thing. Your father is trying to have Asher arrested and put in prison. There's not a lot of evidence, but enough to put him away for a while. I’m guessing five to seven years. I overheard him one night talking about it. That was a while ago so there's literally only a matter of time before it happens. I like him and I know how much you love him and figured that you should know. Your father doesn't know that I heard him talking about it. He had it out for him ever since he recognized him the first time you brought him over to meet us. Anyone who is associated with Mr. Besegai, he doesn’t like them. All because of a deal they made gone wrong.”

Hearing this made your heart drop as well as speed up within the same minute.

“Chin up, baby girl. They can't convict him if they can't find him.” Was all she told you before she smiled and winked at you.

After leaving your parents house, you immediately called Scalvo and he picked up on the second ring. All you heard was him arguing with Cobby which was the usual.

“COBBY, NO! THAT DOESN'T GO THERE! MOVE! JUST LET ME DO IT. Oh, hi princess. Everything okay? I miss you.”

“I miss you too and no. Everything is not okay. Where are you?” You told him as your thoughts were running a mile a minute.

“What's wrong? I'm with the dumbass of the century where I usually always am when I’m not with you.”

“HEY!” was all you heard indicating Cobby screaming in the background.

“I can't tell you over the phone. I need to tell you in person.”

“Uh, princess, you got me nervous over here.”

“Just send me your location and when I get there everyone needs to turn their phones off.”

“Okay, will do.”

Once you had reached the docks which you quickly learned was their infamous meeting spot, you ran up the steps and were soon face to face with Scalvo and Cobby arguing. Cobby was the first to notice you.

“Wait a minute, since when is it ‘bring your girlfriends to work day?’ If it was today, no one told me.” He asked, but his expression turned into concern once he saw the look on your face.

“Um, Y/N?”

“Well as of right now it is. And Cobby, you don’t even have a girlfriend. What is going on?” Scalvo asked as he approached you and he could tell that you were about to cry.

“Turn your phones off and I'll tell you.” You told them as you turned your own off. Once all of the phones were sitting face down in the center of the table, you took a deep breath before speaking.

“Cobby, I don't know how much of this concerns you, but more than likely they’ll be coming for you too.”

“Now why am I in it!?”

“Princess, what are you talking about? Why do you look like you're about to cry?”

“You were right. He has enough evidence to send you to prison, at least five to seven years if you’re convicted and best believe he would make sure that you are. My mom told me she overheard him a while ago talking about it. She also told me that she wants both of us to stay far away from him. We have to leave before they decide to arrest you. She's scared of him too and what he might do if she tries to divorce him.”

“I'm not leaving until we get his ass arrested for what he's done.”

“Did you not hear me? You could get arrested before he does! We need to leave!”

“And go where, Y/N? I cannot let him keep getting away with hurting people.”

“Well, all my mom said before I left was that they can't convict you, if they can't find you. We need to go somewhere that they can't arrest you and bring you back here for a trial.”

“Cuba.” Was all you heard Cobby say.

“That’s actually the smartest thing that I’ve ever heard you say.” You told him and all he did was smile before taking a bow.

“I need a passport. How the fuck am I going to do that?”

“Didn't you get across the Canadian border when you went with me when we first started dating? Whatever you did then, you need to do the same thing now.”

Scalvo was clearly frustrated as he ran a hand through his curls as he pulled at a few of them. You quickly took his face in your hands and made him look at you.

“Now is not the time for you to shut down on me. What did we just talk about? You don’t want our kids having to visit their father in prison so we need to come up with a plan and we need to do it now. The sooner we leave, the better. You cannot go home because I don't know what he's going to do. And Cobby, you are more than welcome to go with him, but your chances of getting caught are going to be higher.” You knew right now that you had to be the strong one to make sure that he kept his head on straight.

“I'll go to Canada instead.” Cobby told you and you simply nodded.

“Okay.” Was all Scalvo quietly said.

“You’re still going to need a passport, but getting on a plane will be a give away since you have to go through TSA. Um, you could drive to Florida. Miami specifically. My uncle has a boat so he is in and out of the port making deliveries to different places. One of his stops is in Havana. You get off and stay at the beach house I have gifted to me by my grandparents on my mother's side. He'll show you where it is and I have a key I can give you. My dad doesn't know about it. Use cash because they'll obviously be able to track you if you use a bank card.”

“I…. I see why you're with her, Scalvo. Very smart.” Cobby mentioned as he was looking at the both of you.

“But where does that leave you? I'm not leaving you in Boston. It's not safe for you here anymore.”

“As much as I hate the idea, you're going to have to.” You quietly told him and knew that this wasn't going to go over well.

“No, absolutely not. You see what being separated does to us. You already got hurt once because of me. I'm not about to let it happen again.”

“I know you don't like it but we have to think. My father knows that I'm not going to leave your side. It will be a sure way for you to get caught. Besides, I have a whole bunch of loose ends to tie up here. Me leaving abruptly will cause not only alarm, but panic. We have to do this discreetly. I promise to come to Havana as soon as I can. I will set you up with everything you need and you can be on your way in less than an hour. Cobby, I need you to release everything about my father on social media, but only when I tell you to.”

“You got it, boss. Scalvo, I see why you were so depressed when you two broke up, now. Go and do what you two need to do. I got it from here.”

Before you got into your car, you told Scalvo to follow behind you and once the two of you got to your apartment to simply wait in the parking garage while you ran upstairs to gather all of his belongings for him.

You were packing all of his things through blurry vision as tears were streaming down your face because of what this new reality would be. After you made sure to get all of his clothes, shoes, and toiletries, you were doing one last check when you opened his drawer on the bedside table to make sure nothing important was in it. But there was, in the back corner, a blue box.

But not any blue box.

It was from Tiffany's.

You were debating on if you should grab it, and after a few minutes of contemplating, you threw it into his bag and made your way back downstairs to the garage.

If that was your engagement ring, this was one hell of a way to find out.

He was leaning against the driver's side door as you approached him and handed him all of his bags to put into the backseat. You stared at your feet because the tears were steadily coming down your face now with no sign of stopping any time soon.

Scalvo put his finger under your chin to lift your head up to look at him. Once you did, an immediate sniffle came out as you choked back a sob.

“Hey, hey. None of that, okay? It's going to be fine.” He told you as he tightly embraced you and kissed the top of your head.

“I just wish I could go with you right now. But this is the best plan I could come up with on such short notice.”

“And your plan is going to work. You won't hear from me until I'm in Havana so don't freak out. Last thing I want is for them to be able to track me somehow.”

“Okay. I'll let my uncle know that you're coming. He owes me a favor anyway.”

Scalvo nodded his head before reaching down to give you several kisses.

“I love you, princess. So much.”

“And I love you. Please stay safe. I need you in one piece.”

“Same goes for you. I'll see you in Havana.”

Two days had passed and you figured that Scalvo had reached Miami by now. The two days had been the longest two days of your life. As soon as he left, you looked it up on your phone how long it would take for him to get down there and it told you that it would take about 22 hours driving. Knowing Scalvo, he probably wouldn’t have stopped until he was halfway and you were also hoping he took some time to rest. But when you lived a life where you were constantly looking over your shoulder. You weren’t so sure.

Your mind was put at ease when your phone vibrated on the table and you had gotten a text from your uncle.

Favorite Uncle Max- Safe with me

You let out a breath that you didn't realize that you had been holding and choked out a sob. You knew that this was going to be hard, but it was only temporary. You had to keep reminding yourself of that. Soon the two of you would be back together without being scared that you would be ripped apart from each other at any moment.

Not wanting to leave a trail, you sent him a thumbs up before deleting both text messages. Don’t leave them breadcrumbs if you don’t want to be found. You wanted to keep him as safe as you possibly could. For a while, you began to sell a lot of things in your apartment because you didn't plan on taking them with you. Your plan was to sell everything, quit your job the day before you left, and then leave in the middle of the night. Your job was already made aware that you were making moves to exit as an employee, so you took on the task of training the new hire that would take your place when you finally chose to do so.

You were also trying to convince your mother to come with you. You hadn't told her everything, but you did tell her that it would be wise if she was not in Boston when the news broke about your father. She told you that she would let you know when she made a decision. Knowing how stubborn she was, you would have to fight her tooth and nail for her to come with you. But, you could understand. Bottom line was that she was scared. Seeing the fear in her eyes was the first time in your life that you were worried for her safety as well as yours.

Your thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door and that instantly made you nervous. There were only a handful of people that knew where your new apartment was and wasn't expecting anyone. Glancing at the clock, you saw it was around seven at night before you went to open the door.

Answering the door, you were face to face with two officers.

Hmm, too bad. You knew why they were here and they were approximately forty-eight hours too late and your boyfriend had gotten away.

“Good evening, Ms. Lawson. We're looking for someone and were told that he might be here. Also came to do a wellness check on you. You might know him as Scalvo, but we know him as Asher.”

“I'm fine. No one is here except me.” You quickly told them as you blocked their view to look inside the apartment.

Your father must have sent them. He was slowly starting to execute his plan, so that meant that there would only be a matter of time before you told Cobby that everything was a go. By that time, you planned on being on your uncle’s boat in the middle of the ocean heading to Havana.

“Do you mind if we take a look?”

“Not without a warrant.”

“Well it's a lucky day for us because we have one.” One of them told you as he held it up.

You had nothing to worry about because it was if you had erased any trace of Scalvo actually living there. Being that your father was a lawyer, you knew what they looked for and what they needed, so the best idea was to get rid of it all.

“Hmm, make it short and sweet. I have things to do.”

“Won’t take long, promise.”

You sat and watched in disbelief as they rummaged through your apartment without any respect or regard for any of your things. Who knows how long it would take for you to clean the mess that they made.

Once they were finished, you crossed your arms over your chest and looked at both of them.

“Find what you were looking for?”

“Sorry to disturb you ma'am. We'll be on our way. If Scalvo does show up, make sure you call us.”

“You do that and if we cross paths then I will.”

The next few weeks went by in a blur and you just couldn't wait to be back in Scalvo's arms. You hadn't felt well for the past two and figured that you should get looked at. It was only a matter of time before you would be leaving for Cuba. Everything needed to be fine before you decided to leave Boston for good and start a new life with nothing hanging over your head.

Your doctor Rachel was eyeing you as you were telling her all of the symptoms that you had been having. She had quickly become one of your favorite people since you had moved back. She was a straight shooter that didn’t sugarcoat anything. Of course, it did also help that you two went to boarding school together for a few years.

“I need you to pee in a cup for me.”

“For what? Do you think that will tell you what's going on with me?”

“Y/N, for your first question, I am 99% sure that you're pregnant and for the second question, yes.”

“Wait, no. I can't possibly be pregnant.” You said to Rachel and she just stared at you.

“Are you having sex?”

“Yes.”

“With protection?”

“Well…”

“Okay then that settles it. Go pee.” She said as she handed you the cup as you sighed.

He was supposed to be here for this.

Scalvo was supposed to be here.

Once Rachel told you that you were pregnant, all you saw was tunnel vision. You wanted kids, but definitely not this soon and under these circumstances. There was still so much for you to do until you could leave without having any loose ends. You wanted to be safe and free of worries, the last thing you wanted to be was stressed out how you were now.

As you were driving, you glanced down at your stomach and simply placed your hand there.

“Hi, it's mommy. It's very scary out here right now so I'm going to do my best to keep you safe until it's time for you to come out. Your daddy is going to be so happy when he finds out about you. He's not here right now, but we'll meet up with him soon and we'll all be together and be safe. I promise.”

Once you reached your apartment, as you were putting in the key, you noticed that the door was already unlocked. Knowing that you locked it before leaving, you took out your pepper spray from your bag before entering. When you reached the living room, you saw your father standing there sipping on a glass of whiskey that you recognized from your cabinet.

“How did you get in here?” You asked as you made sure to keep your distance.

“I had to come and check on you myself because my only child is dodging my calls left and right. So as any worried parent, I came to see you.”

“Well, you definitely broke into my apartment and entered without my consent. If I wanted to talk to you, I would have called you back. You can see yourself out.”

“Not so fast, baby girl. Why the hostility towards me?”

“Don’t ask stupid questions. You aren’t even my real father and you had my mother murdered who was the star witness in a case you were prosecuting because you didn’t want to lose. You took me in and changed my name because eventually you felt guilty. Trying to right your wrongs.”

“Hmm, I see nothing gets past you.”

“That’s really all you have to say? After everything you've done?”

“I took you in, fed you, clothed you, sent you to the top boarding school in the entire country and this is the thanks I get? You dating a criminal? And hiding him?”

“Don’t bring him into this. That was all you. You made those decisions on your own and you were an adult.” You fired back at him.

“He has nothing to offer you and he especially won’t have anything to offer you when I get his ass arrested and put in jail for all that he's done over the years. Including robbing me and holding me at gunpoint in my own home. Oh, you didn’t think I knew? Don’t look so surprised. I’ll make sure he’s convicted and sent to a prison far away. My money and connections are long, sweetheart. You have no idea. My daughter is not dating someone like him.”

“I’m not your daughter, so why do you care so much?”

“You are my daughter whether you like it or not. I know you’re hiding him and it’s only a matter of time before I figure out where. There's only so many places in Boston that he could be. Time is running out and I suggest you tell him to turn himself in. If you do that, I’ll make sure he only does two to three years. But, when he gets out you can never see him again. You have forty-eight hours until this offer expires. Keep in mind, you don’t want to be arrested for hiding a fugitive. Just as I can make your little boyfriend disappear, I can do the same to you if you disobey me. Good seeing you, sweetie.” He told you as he got up from the couch and made his way over to you, but you immediately backed up again to put some distance in between the two of you.

“You’ll see that this is the right decision when all of this is said and done. Tell Scalvo to stop hiding and we can settle this.”

As soon as your father closed the door behind him to your apartment, you stood there for a minute in disbelief. He admitted to doing it, but there was not an ounce of remorse for what he had done.

It couldn’t wait any longer, you needed to leave as soon as possible. From that point, you started throwing the last of your things in your suitcases and ran them down to your car before coming back up and taking one last walk through. There wasn't much left, but there was enough for you to have to make multiple trips. By now, you couldn’t call the rent office to break your lease or call your job to tell them that you quit. It wasn’t only your safety that was compromised now, it was your baby’s.

As soon as you were settled into your car, you called your mom. As much as she had lied to you, the last thing that you would ever want is to see her get hurt by the hands of your father. It took a while, but she eventually answered the phone.

“Hello?”

“Mom! We need to leave and we need to leave now. He knows what I’m doing. I need to keep you safe too.”

“I have a bag packed. Is everything ready to be released?” She calmly asked you knowing that she was talking about all of the evidence stacked up against your father that he had no idea you knew about. He obviously just thought you knew about your birth mother and not his entire track record.

“Yes, all I have to do is tell someone to hit a button.”

“I’ll grab whatever else I can and meet you at the end of the street. I don't know where he is and hopefully he doesn't come back any time soon. I don't want to risk it, so the sooner we leave, the better.”

As you raced over to your parents house, your mind was all over the place. This was happening. This was really happening. You had a picture perfect life before you met Scalvo. A little too perfect. Despite everything that came with being with him, you wouldn’t have chosen anyone else.

He opened your eyes to see the person that your father truly was and as much as it hurt for you to do this, no one else deserves to get hurt by him. You knew that he would easily probably get multiple years in prison. He put on a very convincing front. He gave you the world as you were growing up and anything you asked him to do for you, he would without a second thought. Where did that man go? The one who would never dream of threatening his wife or his ‘daughter’.

The main thing now that you had to focus on was healing. Healing for your peace of mind as well as your child’s. You were going to be somebody’s mother for the rest of your life and they needed parents that they could depend on.

Your mother was right where she said she would be when you finally pulled up at the end of the street. She quickly got into the car and you began driving as fast as you could to get away from the area to make your way down to Miami. You figured that you could simply leave your car at your uncle’s house and come back to get it whenever.

“Mom?” You said quietly, but it still came out shaky nonetheless.

“You’re scared, I know. But it’s going to be okay, I promise. I’ve protected you for this long and I’ll be damned if I were to stop now. Where are we headed?”

“Miami. Uncle Max’s boat to Havana. Oh and please tell me you turned off your phone?”

“Good girl. I knew I raised you right and even better, I left it there and he has no idea that I’m gone and that you’re gone for that matter.”

“When we get closer, I’ll turn my phone back on to let him know and then we’ll be free. No more worrying and we can start over.”

“I can’t wait for that, baby girl. I really can’t. It’s been too long.”

“There’s one more thing.” You said as you focused on the road as you changed lanes.

“Yeah? What is it?”

“I’m not only doing this for Scalvo, but for you as well as someone else.”

“Who?”

You simply grabbed her hand and placed it on your stomach as you saw her face light up in awe.

“I’m going…. I’m going to be a grandma?!” She exclaimed as you eagerly nodded your head yes.

“That’s the plan and Rachel literally just told me earlier today before I got an unwelcome visit from your husband.”

“I know that nothing I can say at this point will make you forgive me, but I’m going to make this right. Does Asher know? I guess not since you just found out today.”

“Telling me the truth is a step in the right direction. And no, we’re not communicating right now because we don’t want to leave a trail or give them any leads.”

“I can’t wait to see the look on his face once you do.”

The sun was beginning to set when you and your mother stepped foot in Havana. Your Uncle Max knew someone that would take all of you towards the beach house and there was only a matter of time before you would be reunited with the love of your life. The ride was a short one, but in your mind it was taking forever. Your leg was bouncing in anticipation and your mother quickly laid her hand on top of it to steady it as she grabbed your hand with the one that was free.

As soon as the car pulled up to the house, your mom nudged you.

“Go say hi to your man.”

You jumped out of the car and took the steps two at a time as the driver was helping your mom with all of the bags. You took out your spare key and opened the door before stepping into the house as you took a deep breath.

It looked the same as it had the last time you were here three years ago, except now, you found a sleeping Scalvo in the living room in front of the television with the volume turned down low. You smiled to yourself as you made your way over to him. You simply ran a hand through his curls and his eyes fluttered open to see you in front of him. By the time that he recognized that it was you standing in front of him, his eyes went wide as he immediately kissed you before embracing you. He continued to kiss you all over your face as you couldn't keep yourself from laughing.

“I told you that your plan would work.” He whispered in your ear as he kissed the shell of it and you simply nodded as you hugged him tighter.

“Come hell or high water, nothing was about to keep me from you. I missed you so much.”

“I think I missed you more. Actually I know I did.” Scalvo told you as he lightly brushed his fingers against your cheek.

“There’s something that I have to tell you.”

“What? You okay? We don't have to…”

“I’m fine, everything’s fine. We don't have to leave again.” You said as you cut him off.

“Then what, princess?”

“You have no idea how good it is to hear you call me that. But um, I brought someone with me.”

“Who?”

You simply picked up Scalvo’s hand and placed it on your stomach and smiled. His eyes went wide once again and looked at you in disbelief.

“I… there's a baby in there?”

“Our baby is in there. I found out a few days ago, right before I left and I got an unpleasant visit by the person that calls himself my father.”

“Do we know if it's a boy or a girl yet? And what did he say to you?”

“It's still too early to tell, but whatever it may be, they're going to have the best dad in the world. And he basically told me that I needed to tell him where you were or he was going to have me arrested for hiding you. I left that night and brought my mom.”

Before Scalvo could respond to you, your mom walked in and smiled at the scene in front of her. But, Scalvo hopped up from the couch and held his distance.

“What is she doing here?” He asked you as you did your best to calm him down.

“It's fine. She's the one who told me to hide you in the first place, remember? We can trust her.”

“How do I know that?”

“Okay, Asher. I get it, but I promise that you can trust me. I've hurt Y/N enough and I have a lot of making up to do for it. When I first found out that he was going to try and convict you, I debated on saying anything not knowing if he was serious or not because James would never hurt Y/N by doing something to you, but I was wrong. I'm glad that I did say something. I've always liked you and she's never been happier. I know it will take a while for me to gain your trust and I'm totally okay with that.” Your mom explained and he simply nodded.

“Oh, and I forgot to mention this. I told Cobby to release it. Only a matter of time now before he's arrested.”

A few days had passed and you and your mom were getting settled in Havana as best as you could. James did end up getting arrested for everything that he did and he was currently in jail and had been denied bond. The next step was him awaiting for his trial to begin.

You and Scalvo were currently walking on the beach hand-in-hand when he suddenly broke the silence.

“You saw the Tiffany's box that was in my drawer?” He asked and you turned to him and nodded.

“I did, but I didn't open it. I figured when you wanted me to see it that I would. I had a feeling that I already knew what it was.” You said as you smiled.

“So, what is it then since you already know?”

“My engagement ring. You love me and can't live without me. I got kidnapped for you and hid you in a different country. And now I'm carrying your baby? We are locked in for life.” You told him as you reached up to pinch his cheek.

“Hmm, good point. Well, since you know everything, are you going to give me an answer?” He asked as he let go of your hand and kneeled down on one knee and finally opened the box so you could see the ring.

“Was that you asking me? Because that was terrible.” You told him as the both of you began laughing.

“Y/N, from the first moment I saw you, I knew that there was something different about you. You intrigued me and not many people do that. You were patient and you still are as you love me through all of my faults as I'm trying to learn how to navigate this new life that I have all thanks to you. You are literally the best thing that has ever happened to me and I don't take having you in my life for granted. We've been through hell and back and there is no one that I'd rather do life with. Now Y/N, will you be the Bonnie to my Clyde?”

“Your ass would have to say something like that, but my answer is yes.” You told him as he slipped on the ring and stood up to kiss you.

“You’re stuck with me now, princess.” He told you as he lightly ran his fingers across your cheek.

“Bonnie and Clyde for life, right?”

“Damn right and now we're the ones calling the shots.”

“Hmm, it's ironic really.” Scalvo started to say and you looked at him and smiled.

“As long as no one finds out we're fine.”

“Never thought my bougie girlfriend now turned fiancée's family were drug lords especially my soon to be mother-in-law.”

“I was just as surprised as you were, and it looks like I got you out of one thing and into another.”

“But it'll be different this time. I know you don't like it but…”

“And why is that?”

“It's the family business, so I have to contribute, right?”

You sighed before you stopped walking again as you turned to him.

“My mom paid the police department and FBI so I figured that you can't get arrested so I MIGHT allow it. They can't touch any of us.”

“Good because I already asked your mom and she said yes.”

“She WHAT? Me and her are going to have to have a serious talk.”

“Clyde is going to need his Bonnie though.” He said and you couldn't help but to smirk.

“If you get yourself killed, I'm bringing you back and killing you again and then divorcing you.”

“Well damn, now that definitely sounds like something the daughter of a queen pin would say. And it looks like this dead end wasn't so dead after all.”

[reidmania]

FLICKER | SPENCER REID

chapter one ;

in which spencer knows falling for a victim is wrong, but he cant help himself.

warnings ;

all chapters of this will contain strong mentions and descriptions of rape and murder, violence, eating disorders, suicides, abuse, sexual jokes and references, and all the criminal minds stuff, please be aware of this when reading.

a/n ;

around 3k words idk tbh

this is based in the earlier seasons and doesnt follow an exact plotline, its kinda all made up, if things are inaccurate i apologise, please RESPECTFULLY let me know and ill do what i can to correct it!!

NOT MY GIF!!

"Kay pretty boy, heads up" The voice came from the familiar voice, belonging to the all well known, his best friend; Derek Morgan.

Spencer furrowed his eyebrows as he turned his head, the nickname had developed between the two pretty quickly, it was simply teasing.

His hand came in contact with the book that traveled away from Derek's own, it was a basic copy of the illustrated man by Ray BradBury, one of his favourites.

"Whats this for?" Spencer asked, eyebrows still furrowed as he looked up from the book back to Derek who was now leaning against Spencers desk, hip to desk.

Derek chuckled, "Its your favourite right? I wanted to give you something you could read on the jet" Derek shrugged simply.

Spencer hummed, furrowing his eyebrows further as he let the book rest on the edge of his desk, his head shook for a moment as he tried to figure out why Derek would think he would have to re-read the book when he could literally recite it word for word.

"You do know I have an eidetic memory right?" Spencer asked, his head tilted slightly to the side as he looked up at Derek.

Derek only nodded, shrugging his shoulders. "I don't know man, you have read like every book in the world. I figured Id at least gift you a copy of something you like, why can't you just be grateful?" Derek said, his tone shifting to teasing rather quickly.

Spencer let his face relax, a simple shake of his head. "Thank you." He said simply, "We have a case?" He asked, mind replaying back to Derek's mention of the jet.

Derek nodded, and then as if on cue Hotchner and Gideon walked through the doors. The all familiar stern look covered Hotch's face as he looked over at the two boys.

"We don't have time to discuss, we need to go." He said sweet and simply.

Spencer nodded his head, pushing away from the desk. Morgan mirrored his actions. The two wasted no time getting their stuff before following the two older men out.

"Where are we going?" Morgan asked, seemingly enthusiastic. Spencer frowned slightly as he noticed they weren't walking in the direction of the jet.

"To the police station to get further details on the case" Gideon said, looking behind him at the two younger boys. Derek frowned, "The case is here?" He asked.

Spencer hummed, "Absolutely 65% of cases here that happen daily that we don't get called in on because we are out of town working on other cases" He muttered, although no one asked for the random bit of information he could stop it from spilling past his lips.

"Where's JJ and Elle?" Derek asked, obviously the two girls weren't around.

"They already left." Hotch said

Gideon nodded his head in agreement. "Do you remember the 10 murders that happened one after the other over the course of a month, about two years ago?" He asked the two boys.

"Which one?" Derek said, tone dripping confusion.

"2 women every week until the unsub killed four girls, in one day. He was the one that would target specific types of women, they all looked and acted the same, he would drug them and rape them and then kill them and leave their bodies out in the open" Spencer muttered as he and Derek got into the back seat of the car.

"I thought he was caught, and the case was closed?" Derek asked, eyebrows furrowed slightly as he looked over at Spencer, who seemed to had thought the same of him.

"So did we." Hotch said simply.

Spencer sat up a little bit straighter in his seat, pulling his hand to his hair to put a bit of hair out of his face. "Was there another murder?"

Gideon shook his head as he turned back to look at the two boys.

"She survived."

"How do we know it's the same guy?" Derek asked, as they walked into the police station, they were met with many familiar faces, officers they had worked with on many cases before.

"We don't, not for certain but her story matches all the others, and she is exactly the type." Hotch said, taking the lead as they walked up to the commanding officer.

"Aaron Hotchner, with the bau, we need a conference room and to talk to the victim." He said.

Spencer tried his best not to watch in awe at how swiftly the elder did his job, he had the introduction down pat. Hotch and the commanding officer talked for a moment before they were directed to an empty conference room, where they each placed their stuff.

"Shes going to be sensitive, this would've been traumatic and we have to be insanely careful with how far we push." Hotch said, looking between Derek and Spencer.

The two nodded as Derek dove into the case file, reading over the contents of the piles and piles of paper. "Reid, come in with me to talk to her." Hotch said, nudging his head towards the door in the other room.

"Hey guys" All four of the men turned their head to face the blonde girl who walked into the room with a tray of coffee's.

"Hey JJ, how is she?" Gideon asked, wasting no time reaching out to take one of the coffee from the tray now placed on the table. JJ shrugged, "I want to say shes okay but that seems insensitive. Elle is in there with her now, she would know more than I do." JJ said, before handing another file in Derek's direction.

"Oh my gosh, how many files are there?" Derek complained. Spencer held back from saying how it really wasn't that much — because it was — just not to him. "Shes nice, funny, don't treat her like glass I think that makes it worse" JJ warned the boys simply, handing a coffee to Derek, who took it gracefully.

When she held out one to Spencer he was quick to thank her and take the coffee off her hands, but with no plans to drink it.

"Ready Reid?"

Spencer felt like the breath had been knocked out of his chest when his eyes rested upon the girl sitting in the corner of the room.

The chair had been pulled away from the interrogation table, instead placed against the wall in the furtherest wall away from the door.

He watched as the girls eyes traveled upwards to the door as the two men entered the room. Elle turned her head after, nodding as she stood up.

"These are some of my coworkers, you can talk to them, okay?" Elle said, Spencer watched the interaction and watched as the girl nodded her head.

"Im Agent Aaron Hotcher, with the FBI." Hotch introduced himself, taking a sensitive step towards the table. Spencer stayed in place.

"Im Agent Dr Spencer Reid." He introduced, although it felt like his throat had been closed off. His eyes stayed on hers and he felt like he was drowning when she smiled softly at him.

"Im Serenity May." Her voice was sweet like honey and Spencer had to remind himself to keep it professional as he felt his head began to swarm.

that never happened before.

Hotch offered the girl a half hearted smile, of course they already knew her name. They had an idea of what she looked like, since the unsub had a specific type.

Brunette, short, pretty face, younger than he was, girls who dressed nice, who smelt of vanilla. Every one of the victims had the same use of vanilla perfume.

Although that was something that was different, the brunette girl across the room didn't smell of vanilla. She smelt of honey and caramel, the scent took over Spencers senses.

"We need to ask you a few questions but you know how much you talk about and how deep we go is completely up to you." Hotch said, Pulling a chair to sit down, he sat at the table but made no effort to try and get the girl to move out of her place in the corner of the room.

Serenity nodded her head softly, a loose strand of brunette hair falling over her face. Spencer noticed how she was quick to push the hair back behind her ear. He noticed the way her knees were pulled up to her chest, and the way her chin rested upon them. He tried not to over analyse her body language, but he couldn't help it.

"I have a question though." She spoke up, Spencer felt his chest twist all over again with every word that left her lips. He hated the way his entire body was reacting, it was inappropriate.

"Of course, you can ask anything." Spencer said softly, taking a few steps around the room to lean against the table as he crossed his arms over his chest, leaning his hip comfortably against it.

She chewed at her lip for a moment, looking at Elle. Spencer watched the two hold eye contact before the brunette turned her head again to face the two men.

"After this.. Can I go home? I really just want to go home" The words came out desperate and sad, it broke Spencers heart because they would have to tell her No.

"Unfortunately not, If you escaped, then he would be looking for you. This is where you are safe" Hotch answered.

Spencer watched as the girls smiled dampened slightly, nontheless she nodded her head in understanding. "Okay. I get it, you guys can ask your questions now."

Hotch started, simply asking you to explain what happened in as much detail as possible without it being too much for you.

Spencer listened to her speak as if his life depended on it. His eyebrows furrowed slightly when she mentioned how she had been with the unsub for two days, yet no one filed a missing person report, when he was asked about it, the answer didn't help the way his heart was tearing away from its self as she exposed every little bit of her story.

"I don't have any family around here.. And I just finished university, things get busy. The people in my life are use to be not being able to answer for a few days.." It was horrible. Truely.

"You don't have any friends around here, room mates?" Hotch asked, furrowing his eyebrows slightly.

Serenity's frown only deepened at the mention of being slightly called out, "Well — No. Not really. I live alone, I wasn't all that social in uni.." She says, eyes shifting between Spencer's and Hotch's.

"What were you studying?" Spencer asked, passing it off as a question for the case, not a question for his own curiosity, trying to figure out her interests. That always helped in these cases anyways.

"Psychology." She answered simply, eyes lingering on Spencers for a minute. "Which Im regretting now because all I can think about is how maybe there is a valid reason he did this." She muttered quietly, as if she was so ashamed of the thought.

Spencer shook his head, "There is no valid reason for what he did to you." He was quick to say it. Because morally, there wasn't, and the idea of her sitting there trying to justify sickening actions because of something that might be wrong with the guy made Spencers stomach clench.

"Maybe it's valid to him." She spoke, still maintaining the eye contact between herself and Spencer, but her voice was soft and quieter than before.

"That doesn't make it okay." He said, eyebrows furrowed in a slight look of disapproval of the perspective she was providing. The girl's lip quipped up slightly as she noticed The agents expression. "I know that. I can't stop thinking that I got lucky, which is so horrible. Ten girls before me were raped brutally and Murdered and I wasn't.. It feels selfish for me to be happy about that."

She spoke with so much doubt in herself it was almost hard to listen to, because all Spencer wanted to do was sit there and tell the girl everything she was feeling was completely valid and normal, for hours, until she believed it.

Unfortunately that was unprofessional.

Elle spoke up before either of the men could, "Oh babe. I am so sure every single one of those girls are smiling down at you, so insanely proud of what you did." Spencer couldn't have worded it any better, he watched her frown shift slightly, not disappearing but that wasn't expected of her.

"Then I guess I need to give those girls the justice they deserve.. Where were we."

[bigtreefest]

Happy Hoelloween! 🎃❤️ Please accept this lil hoe treat just for you:

It looks like he’s had a hard day and needs one of your sweet treats to turn his frown upside down. Hope you’re up for it, because he sure is 🍆😘

A Well-deserved Treat

Pairing: Curtis Everett x Reader (modern AU)

Summary: After a long day, you know exactly what Curtis needs

Word count: 729

Content/warnings: 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI, grunty Curtis, grumpy Curtis, nonverbal Curtis, soapy handjob, shower, Curtis’s beautiful naked body

A/N: Hehehe, happy Hoelloween, Siri!! A sweet treat, indeed!! Thank you so much for sending this in. Sorry it’s a little bit after Halloween, but I think this kind of slowed-down comfort is what we need right now. My poor Curty having a hard day? The least I can do is take care of him when he always does the same for me!!!

Thank you all for reading! Comments, reblogs, and asks are sooooo appreciated.

Dividers by @strangergraphics

Main Masterlist

Curled up on the couch queueing up all the scary movies you had planned to watch for the night, you heard his truck pull into the driveway. Curtis was finally home, and it was much later than you both had anticipated.

On most days, he was gone before the sunrise, that part wasn’t new. But early hours usually meant an early return unless something went wrong at the shop. And judging by the way the sun was well below set in the sky and you were already on your second bowl of candy for the trick-or-treaters, something went really wrong.

The door closed a little harder than usual, although Curtis was careful not to slam it. Based off of that, he didn’t seem angry about the day, but most definitely annoyed at the very least.

You turned to greet him, but he was already gone, the faint sound of him toeing off his boots filling the hallway along with his jingling belt buckle. He was probably going to take a shower to wash the day away, which was a good idea. That always calmed him a little, but he probably needed even more than that.

Curtis was probably going to take a bit of a longer shower, too, but you didn’t want to waste time. You moved quickly to throw the blanket off of you, grabbing the bowl of candy and setting it on the doormat for kids to help themselves. Your man needed you.

You ran quickly with your socked feet faintly sliding on the wooden floors, grateful you had already closed the windows earlier as you shucked off pieces of clothing one by one, leaving a trail.

Once you got to the bathroom door, Curtis was already under the water, simply standing there and letting it rush over him, a faint frown on his face. His hulking shoulders rose and fell steadily with his even breathing which was interrupted as you stepped into his space.

Curtis’s eyes blinked open, his long eyelashes catching droplets of water. Your heart sunk a little, seeing the clear exhaustion in his features as you reached up, your hands gently cupping his jaw, beard lightly scratching your palms.

“Hi, honey,” you whispered just above the sound of rushing water. He simply sighed and gave a grunt in response. Curtis had used his voice too much today, barking orders and corrections around the shop, dealing with more than his fair share of customers. Words were not something he wanted to produce right now, and he was so happy you could see that with the sympathetic smile that you flashed him.

Without a second thought, you knew exactly what you needed to do, reaching to the side and grabbing a dollop of body wash. You lathered it between your hands before pressing them against his firm pecs, rubbing in small circles. You moved outward across the broad expanse of his chest, watching his eyes flutter shut and his head tilt backwards in ecstasy.

You worked your way downward, over the hair of his chest and the ridges of his abs until you came upon the thatch of hair just above where he was starting to grow hard. The relaxation and care you were showing him was enough to do that, and after the kind of day he had, be needed a release.

You reached your soapy hand for his shaft, slowly pumping his length. You were startled as Curtis’s hand shot out and slapped the shower wall, his chin falling to his sternum as his breaths began to pick up. You could hear them huffing out of his nose. He watched the way you expertly twisted your wrist, slightly tentative since he still hadn’t spoken yet.

Curtis’s head slowly rose, his pupils blown with pleasure looking at you through his eyelashes. From the sight of his lust and need to feel good taking over, you got distracted, lost in his gaze. You didn’t even realize your hold weakening, your rhythm faltering until his large hand clasped over yours, helping you squeeze him and move faster.

Finally, Curtis’s lips broke their seal with a small gasp. His chest rumbled in a way that sent a shiver through you despite the warm water. His voice came out in a low growl, one you couldn’t ever bring yourself to deny.

“That’s it. Give me what I need.”

Bonus A/N: Gimme that beast of a man. Lemme shower him in affection and wash off that grime in an actual shower🫣

Taglist: @hawkeyes-queen @ronearoundblindly @mercurial-chuckles @steviebbboi

[bonefall]

how do surrogacies for cats in another Clan work, socially? With honor siring you don't have to stick around once the cat you're siring for is pregnant; but with surrogacies you're going through an entire pregnancy and kitting process, which your Clan will probably catch onto at some point. Do you just... go off to give birth and come back and tell your Clan "bad news they didn't make it :( they all got uhhh eaten by a hawk sry all" after dropping them off with the cats you surrogated for

The out of universe reason is simple logistics. Some parents can't give birth but they still need a visit from the stork, with how small Clan sizes are.

In-universe, it's a whole process.

MOST surrogacies are done by family, or are in-Clan. A sibling who is able to get pregnant will do so, with the expectation that their family member will take and raise the kits.

More are done on a sort of "open book" policy. Onestar and Whitetail are an example of this; One wanted kits and asked White, but didn't want to coparent. She agreed, and neither one kept it a secret.

So Whitetail is not Heathertail's MOTHER, but it is known she was the honor-sire.

Likewise though, it's within your rights to keep it secret, even within a Clan. If you asked Onestar where the kit came from, invoking Queen’s Rights would shut it down.

But you could put two and two together that Whitetail was probably pregnant and stopped being so right when Onestar became a Mi.

For the record though. Listen carefully.

not every cat who is expecting will suddenly flash like a neon sign indicating it. The whole Clan will not suddenly get a text saying "DUDEHEART IS PREGNANT." Some people just don't show. Some cats don't smell that different. It's rude to ask unprompted and even worse if you guess wrong. Like real life.

Please understand.

On the Anthro-Scale, from 100% feral cat to 100% fuzzy human, BB cat gestation is closer to the feral cat than most of their other behaviors. So this is not the same "big deal" as a human pregnancy.

In general, I write "medical" topics closer to real cats than the Erins do. I mostly take "liberties" in the portrayal of disabilities so THOSE are closer to the real humans in my audience

intelligent cats are not going to be correcting me on my incorrect portrayal of Feline Diabetes, but I could unwittingly cause harm in spreading diabetic misconceptions that real people try to clear up, y'know?

Anyway. What that means is that warriors giving birth is not the federal issue that it is for humans. It's still not TOTALLY safe, but dying in childbirth is exceptionally rare, plus being much less painful and considerably faster

"The Birthing Stick" means something is wrong.

So there's several factors at play within Clans, but Out-of-Clan surrogacies are much more interesting.

These are usually arranged at Aftergatherings. They were rarer before the move to the Lake, which now sees waaaay more cross-clan friendships.

USUALLY the Clan's Cleric will be involved, which IS technically a waiving of the Queen’s Rights. Leafpool simply doesn't interpret it that way.

A more "traditional" Cleric, like Littlecloud, will NOT be involved for personal safety and comfort reasons. This makes a bad situation but that's the reality of QR (and is a reason why Fire Alone cats think QR doesn't go far enough.)

Kits are always given to the parent before 1 moon. Fading Kits aren't socially questioned if they fade before that 1st moon. So it's pretty easy to hide it.

"All of my litter was faders" is unfortunate in the way that a car accident is unfortunate. "Shit, are you ok?" "Is StarClan trying to keep a close eye on you? Are you going to try again?" Etc.

"Frequent Flyer" surrogates, like Brightheart, often keep a single kitten from each litter to avoid the implication of "bad omens."

If they aren't Brightheart who likes raising kittens with her mate, the kitten is often given to an in-Clan parent who wanted a child.

Most surrogacies aren't "free," but it does depend on who's doing it for you.

Like all other things in BB, this looks very different between generations, and depends heavily on the "attitudes" of the Clans at the tine. But, Queen’s Rights will protect you from revealing too much. STILL, surrogacies ARE harder than sirings. Just not impossible.

[joanasallinger]

Unfortunately I’m rather busy for the time being. I hope I have more time to draw again soon and get back to my unfinished video. :<

Managed to edit this pic at least. <3

____ Please note: It is AI generated! I edited the pic and drew over it (hair, skin, eyes, clothing, background) and corrected everything that was wrong to how I liked it (eyes, clothing, lips, ear, hair, tie, image noise etc), but I did not draw that myself! I DO draw, but not this pic! That's an edit. I put a watermark on it because: I spend my time collecting the pics (I only take my own screenshots), I edit everything before I put it on here and I simply put a watermark on every edit and drawing to have a tag to the source. Not because I want to claim everything as mine (this is the internet - what you put out here will never be just yours, erasing a watermark is no problem at all) - but I do it as to: "you want to see more of this? this is where you can find it." It's just the name of my tumblr and yes, I do put effort into everything I post here. No one addressed me concerning this topic, but since artists and AI are having more beef lately, I wanted to make my point clear. :) As I said: I'm drawing myself, I'm creative myself (writing - even though not here), making music, making videos, but also messing around with AI (11Labs or AI-Pic-Generators). To some people everything AI related is bad - but for me, I gotta say: It also got me re-inspired to do things I haven't touched in a while. Or for a story, I can put something in there and it creates something and I take what it created again and make something else out of it - a story, a drawing, an edit, or just something nice to look at and get inspired by. I think - if you don't sell any art this way but just enjoy it for what you can give and take out of it, it's a pretty great thing. :) Still, I felt the need to explain some of my views on it here. Some have more problems with that than others. I do believe that AI-Art will never excel real artists in any way, but I do think that you can enjoy both as long as you don't hurt anyone with it or make money out of it.

[babygirlbites]

Wolves and their star signs

Hello my little cherubs - how are we doing ? I hope we are doing well

Are we pretending I haven’t been gone for years? Absolutely!

Anyway, let’s talk star signs real quick. None of this is based on canon birthdays, I’m simply beyond Stephanie and her knowledge of her own characters.

These are MY opinions, which are fact as I am factually never wrong. However you are welcome to discuss

Jacob is a Leo; bold, stubborn, natural born leader. this man has main characteritis for sure. I’ve never met a Leo man who didn’t think he was always correct and was so headstrong about it, even when being actively proven wrong. I feel like Jake could wake up one morning and decide the sky is red and anyone who disagreed or god forbid brought factual evidence to him that disproved this would be ignored AND judged. However, Leo’s are loyal (to a fault, often) so although he’s headstrong he’s a ride or die for sure. If he likes you he is going to defend you against anything (excluding himself though because remember, he’s always right) and if he LOVES YOU pfft, I wouldn’t be messing with a Leo’s lover that’s for sure.

Sam is a Pisces; emotional, calm, strong willed. ugh, where do i start. Pisces are so emotional, which may seem like a good thing but I promise you those Pisces men can and will use this to manipulate, gaslight and gatekeep. He’s artistic though, and generally a reliable gent, but sometimes he can be a real nasty little man. He’s sly about his anger, he isn’t a shouting/agressive man at all, he would never DREAM of hurting you (the Emily situation will not repeat) but he can make you feel like shit emotionally. Pisces are just too clever idk I don’t mean to slander you all but as an aqua woman yous are real difficult

Embry is an Aquarius; Creative, smart, thinks outside the box, independent . He’s sensitive, but only when he’s close enough to you to allow you too see that. Aqua knows aqua, I know this boy would be super hard to get into the inner circle of. Sure, he’s openly friendly to everyone, but only the small few that HE allows close will see the real him. Once you do though, he’s an open book, belly laughing at your shitty dad jokes and ugly crying at pet rehoming tiktoks on his fyp.

Paul is a Gemini; loud, fun, and maybe a bit toxic. now I did debate aries for Paul but I just think he’s an air sign through and through. Sure, he’s firey as hell, but he’s so charming and no Aries has that level of rizz (sorry guys but the truth hurts sometimes). He’s a player through and through, he’s got a contacts list full of girls under code names like “girl from Seattle” or “drives a Honda” - which the feminist in me has an issue with but I can’t lie I love a Gemini. They are feral, and as long as you can prepare for that, then they will be the most fun you ever have. Just don’t get attached, or do, I can’t tell you what to do!

Jared is a libra; fun, lighthearted and emotionally wrecked. I love libras but damn do you guys wear your hearts on your sleeves! You’re so easily hurt, and you’ve BEEN hurt, and guess what? You’ll get hurt again. I feel like Jared’s the kind of guy to get played by the same girl/guy multiple times but still tell everyone they are his “twin flame”. Please treat this boy right - I don’t know if he can take the heartbreak (he can, and it will NOT put him off)

Quil is a cancer; he’s soft, he’s loving and he’s emotionally enlightened! We love a cancer in this house, emotional like a Pisces but open like a libra, a cancer is the right mix of mature and fun. They are sweet and sensitive and if any star sign is going to be an empath, it’s cancer. I feel like quil is the guy you go too when you’ve just found out something awful - all the guys would be there for you but where Paul or Jake or Sam even would blow a gasket and leave you alone while then went out on a rampage to hurt whomever was unlucky enough to hurt the one they love, Quil would take you in, cook for you and listen to whatever you had to say. Of course, he’s angry someone has upset you, but he’s more bothered that you are okay then that they aren’t. He’s a good guy, that’s all.

Leah is a Taurus; strong willed, well routed and stubborn. She’s practical, she’s gonna tell you straight up what she thinks with no filter, and sometimes that can hurt. She’s not the biggest personality in the room or the loudest voice at the party but she’s straight to the point and not afraid to be heard when she sees fit. She’s fun too, when she wants to be and with whom she wants to be. Under all of this though she’s family centred; she will kill for her family (and found family).

Seth is a Virgo; bold, grounded but enchanting. Virgos have a way of capturing a whole room without even having to try, they aren’t brash or loud but they are just so vibrant man idk! There’s something about them. Anyway I think Seth is just a lovely sunshine character, he’s deffo got cancer in his big three too, maybe his moon, but the Virgo energy is there for me. He’s the fun earth sign and he’s not gonna let you forget it

[shimisstuff]

Terrible sleep paralysis torment you for months. The problem does not seem to be psychological... what really happens at night? As much as you’re afraid to admit it, something seems to torture you... maybe rape you?

❗️I’m not trying in any way to romanticize what will happen in this shot! Everything you read will be quite dark and strong, so please, if you are sensitive to this, do not interact!

18+/ sleep paralysis/horror/gore/mahito rape you

Rape/Non-con ElementsRapeRape FantasyRough SexVaginal SexRough Oral SexPenis In Vagina SexVaginal FingeringFingerfuckingMahito is His Own Warning (Jujutsu Kaisen)Mahito Being an Asshole (Jujutsu Kaisen)Yandere Mahito (Jujutsu Kaisen)Creepy Mahito (Jujutsu Kaisen)Slutty Mahito (Jujutsu Kaisen)Top Mahito (Jujutsu Kaisen)Blood and GoreGoreMild GorePsychological HorrorBody Horror

Sorry for any errors, this fic is translated from italian!

SLEEP PARALYSIS

-Mahito x Reader-

«How long have sleep disorders been going on?».

«Months», your lips had rippled, «about six months», you had corrected yourself, while you made to wander your tired look on the furniture of your doctor’s office.

He called your name, taking you away from your thoughts.

«I read your medical records, you changed more than three psychoanalysts before you got to me. I wonder, are you sure that it is only this?».

Your eyes had met his. Two heavy shiners made you look like a rag, and the young man in front of you, no matter how professional he tried to be, couldn’t help feeling sorry for you.

What I’m trying to tell you is that even sleeping pills don’t work, and you know that? I tried everything, natural remedies and not-», you were angry, you hated, when they suggested that your problem was only in your head, because it wasn’t.

The more you convinced yourself, the more the doctors turned against you, and even this time it was no different.

«I mean the presence and the phantom sensations of pressure on the chest can be a symptom of post traumatic stress. It is easy for you to experience frequent sleep paralysis for this reason. Perhaps if we faced the problem psychologically it would be better. I think you understand, I can not continue to prescribe drugs, without knowing what could be the trigger».

You had sighed, swallowing. Yet another hole in the water.

Coming out of the clinic where you had gone in the morning, you had inhaled the air of Tokyo as if it were the best air in the world- it was absolutely not and your lungs filled with smog and tar.

You swallowed, your throat was dry, your eyes were burning, your head was beating.

All feelings you had begun to endure.

You were a young girl in your twenties, with a wonderful career ahead of you, a capable and brilliant woman, yet, life had decided to put you in front of all this.

As you walked through the crowded streets of Tokyo, the chaos of the metropolis seemed like a distant echo in your mind. The doctor mentioned the possible link between the trauma you suffered and your sleep problems, but it was difficult to accept that the solution could simply be psychological. You had sought comfort in sleeping pills and remedies of all kinds, but nothing seemed to relieve your tormented mind.

The memory of the incident kept haunting you, the details of the horrible day bouncing around in your head like an incessant echo. You had tried to escape reality, but the pain persisted, crept into your dreams and attacked you in the form of night paralysis and feelings of pressure on the chest.

A few months before the accident happened. A terrible car accident took away the love of your life, your sister.

Seeing her half beheaded between the sheets of the car had horrified you to the point of making you vomit on the spot. You screamed desperately, your brow ragged with blood, and his dead eyes now filled your nightmares.

If only that day you had not chosen the wrong path, you were sure, that now life would not be so unlivable.

Your soul weighed like an anvil, dragged you down, and your wings struggled to give you the push you needed to survive.

The nights were all the same: you lay down in your bed, trying to calm down, trying not to think about anything.

And what happened was you fell asleep... but then... then...

At first, you could only feel the languor of falling asleep. However, soon that numbness turned into something more sinister. An invisible but inexorable presence began to tighten your ankles, crawling along your hips and even creeping into your belly. It seemed like a subtle force, unpredictable, penetrating the depths of your bowels.

The sensations became more and more invasive, as if invisible hands shuffled you from within. As you tried to fight against the immobility that imprisoned you in your bed, your ability to breathe was being tested. An invisible but oppressive weight made every inspiration a titanic task.

«We will make it grow», a voice whispered, «we will make it grow», again.

And then the same hands came to your chest, squeezing you, choking you.

Then you’d wake up, turn on the light in panic, your forehead full of sweat, and your heart rate.

The monotonous routine of this anguish was constantly repeated, night after night. Something, a dark, elusive entity, crept into your intimate space and tortured you mercilessly.

It wasn’t just passing visions or post-traumatic stress hallucinations. Reality was carved into your skin, in painful bite marks on your breasts and bruises scattered all over your body. You couldn’t ignore the physical testimony of what happened during those nights of terror.

You looked for answers everywhere, you explored every rational possibility, but the conclusion was inevitable: you were not crazy. Those marks and scars you were carrying were tangible proof that something dark and insidious was happening.

It was a night predator that fed on your terror and vulnerability. And there was no room for rational explanations or psychological excuses. It wasn’t a matter of post-trauma, something real, at night, crawling into your bed, and it wasn’t something you were hiding from yourself: this presence was raping you.

You couldn’t explain how you came to this conclusion, but inside you the answer was becoming more and more obvious.

And so, desperate, you decided to adopt plan B.

The medium you asked for an audience with seemed to be one of the best. You paid her handsomely, and when you let her into your one-bedroom apartment, she twisted her nose.

You had no knowledge of this world, you had no interest in it, and despite your attempts to pretend, you still felt perplexed.

«Miss», the woman in her fifties had called you, while she was searching the living room, «can you take me to the exact place where the "contacts" take place?».

You had gasped, as a slight fear crept into your bowels and appeared in your face.

« I feel your discomfort, how could you not have it? This apartment is full of cursed energy».

Failing to understand what she was mumbling about, you had obeyed her request, making your way down the narrow corridor, and then opening the door.

You stopped in the window and nodded.

You didn’t mean to cross that threshold, just the thought of it made you sick.

The medium, however, had proceeded with her head held high, turning on the lights of the chamber.

The steps resounded muffled in the carpet, while carefully inspecting the desk, then the blankets and pillows of your bed.

«It happens here...», she whispered. She walked the blankets with her hand, until she reached the foot of the bed, «rising from here», she had crouched, as if she were imitating what that presence did to you. Her hands were on the covers. «it blocks your ankles», her hoarse voice resounded in the walls of the room, «it runs through your legs», she crushed the fingers between the unmade blankets, «coming to your belly», she crushed the mattress as if under her there had been you.

«And then...», her hands went up again, cup-locking on those you imagined your breasts might be.

The woman, lowered her head, had no idea what she was actually doing, but you had to admit that her explanation was accurate enough for you to understand that she was not a charlatan.

«It tastes you».

An unpleasant sensation made its way into your stomach, «I understand», she had said to herself, as she was getting out of bed.

He went through her purse, pulling out what appeared to be a talisman.

«In the realization of the talisman it is very important to respect the hourly and planetary correspondences, in fact there is always a specific day and a precise lunar phase to build and consecrate it. You are lucky, today the Moon and the stars are clearly visible», said the woman while consecrating some.

She placed one right under the bed, one above, and another in your bedroom door.

Perplexed, you frowned, «that’s all?» you asked, «three stupid pieces of paper?».

The medium smiled, «do you have other alternatives?».

The question left you motionless, unable to answer.

«no...», you had answered, driving her back to the front door.

«The curse is powerful, but I am sure that this will be able to keep it at bay for a while».

«What?! With all the money you asked me for? Did you manage only to "keep it at bay for a while"? Are you kidding me?» The woman smiled, then gave a small laugh of derision, «maybe you should have called an exorcist?».

You were so frustrated, so... so...

Bitter tears had run down your cheeks, you had dried them almost immediately, trying to keep calm.

Don’t worry, you thought, crashing on the living room couch, wait to see if these talismans work.

***

With wonder and relief, the sleep paralysis that had tormented your nights seemed to be a distant memory.

A week had passed since you could finally close your eyes without the fear of being trapped in a limbo of impotence. Your night’s rest had become a precious refuge, an oasis of peace that you had begun to fully enjoy.

The evenings followed a reassuring ritual: the return home from work, a hot shower that dispelled the accumulated tensions, a satisfying dinner and finally the refuge in the blankets of your bed. Everything seemed to fall into the natural order of things, as if normality had finally returned to claim its place. However, the tranquility you had so longed for was perhaps only an illusion, a prelude to a new chapter of horror.

In the second week of serenity, a strange feeling had crept into the air.

One night, while you slept deeply, the pungent smell of something burning had disturbed your sleep. Your awakening was immediate, and in the darkness, putting the blankets aside, you realized that something was wrong.

Your eyes slowly adapted to the darkness, and before you, the atmosphere lit up with a sinister light. A crackling blue fire enveloped the talisman hanging from your door.

A sense of disbelief enveloped you as a figure began to take shape.

It was a robust body, but its humanity seemed distorted. A man, or perhaps something that might have looked like a man, materialized before your eyes.

Your mind tried to deny what it saw, but terror took hold of you as the breath became disjointed. Your lips rippled in a desperate sigh, while your terrified eyes closed as if they were denying reality. Gasps and sobs were released from your chest as you carried your arms in front of you, as if that impotent gesture could protect you.

You just hoped the last talismans could protect you, but... well...they couldn’t.

You saw it when they both caught fire at the foot of your bed and a cold breath began to move some of your hair.

«You surprised me», a voice made your blood freeze, «closing me out like this...» it was distorted and gruesome as it echoed in the darkness. It had a stamp that sent chills down your spine, and as you desperately tried to move, your impotence became more and more overwhelming.

His scornful laughter echoed through the air like a macabre background. «You tried, you and that stupid bitch», his mocking tone crept into your ears, causing you another sob of terror.

«Go ahead yes, continue to be afraid, it is even better if you cry».

His body locked you in a corner of the bed, leaving you with no way out. You were alone, you and his dark presence, which seemed to devour the air around you. Every word spoken was like a direct blow to your soul, bringing out a sense of degradation and unspeakable terror.

«Did you really think you could stop me from still possessing you? Naive, stupid inferior human», he whispered in your neck, his breath cold as frost on your skin. «I thought you would behave well, like the good pet you are».

His words were filled with contempt, a humiliation that imposed itself on you like a chain, enveloped your spirit.

His words didn’t make sense to you, and yet, you didn’t have the courage to argue, you had the feeling that if you tried to move a muscle, he would tear you apart right in that moment.

You hadn’t yet had the courage to open your eyes to look your tormentor in the face, let alone have the strength to escape from his clutches.

His hands ran down your hips, embedded in their retracting curve.

They put pressure on you, made you scream in fear.

«I had a continuous thought, I have always had it from the first day in which I have seen you», his lips settled languid in your half uncovered belly. Your chest was hurting, your hiccups were shaking and your throat was parting, making it sore.

«Please», you had whispered, «don’t hurt me», your eyes were still closed, full of salty tears.

You had finally had the courage to speak as you laid your hands on his in a desperate attempt to divert them from yourself. You put a little pressure on him, but the guy on top of you didn’t seem to want to cooperate with you. In your desperate act, you saw that his hands presented what appeared to be scars, perhaps... seams?

«Hurt you?» he laughed almost out of control, «I don’t know, I’ll probably do». Your eyes became two saucers, so scared that who was in front of you couldn’t help but notice it.

«Are you afraid? Yes, I imagine it is so, otherwise how could I feel so regenerated?».

Then his face took shape in front of yours.

His two-tone eyes peered at you in the darkness of the night, so evil, so frightening that they cut your breath. His hair covered his sewn face, it was so surreal it felt like a horror movie.

His hands grabbed your wrists with a surprising force, far beyond what would be expected of an ordinary man. Despite your attempt to resist, his grip intensified, and in response to your affront, he gripped your wrists until they broke.

A deafening and desperate scream broke free from your mouth, but the man’s reflexes prevented you from venting your pain altogether, resting his lips on yours.

Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting.

He had the urge to lick your lips and grunt angry when you didn't want to.

With your wrists completely broken by now, you couldn’t defend yourself, so he freed them, putting his big, rough hand in your cheeks.

You were hurt and violated, could something worse have happened?

When his hand slipped in your belly to make room between your legs, you knew there was something worse.

«No!» you cried desperately, «no... no, no-».

«Yes, yes, yes, cute, little…».

Your head was beating, your heart seemed to want to explode in your chest, your sore wrists, victims of a broken fracture, were hurting so much that you missed the air.

«You will love this, you will love to take it, won’t you? Will you become the key to my experiment? You will carry my child so well, yes... you will be perfect».

You weren’t listening to almost anything that was vomiting on you, too traumatized, too aching to focus on his words, and it was bad, since he had just confessed his no longer hidden desire to impregnate you.

His hands stripped you of the oversize shirt you were wearing, lifted it up to your breasts, leaving your sensitive boobs exposed.

«I have raped so many women in my life by curse... but you... you are by far the most beautiful of all».

His hands landed in your ribs, forcing you to settle under him.

With one hand he would block you from the neck, keeping you under control as his head went down into your chest, tickling your collarbones with his hair.

When his mouth closed in your turgid sensitive nipple, you tried to look at the ceiling as much as you could. You just hoped it would be over soon, yeah, it would be over quickly, you’d just be estranged, and everything would just seem like a bad nightmare, right?

You told yourself that, but it seemed more complicated than expected.

His mouth sucked mercilessly, popping into your irritated reddened skin.

Bites and bruises took shape in your body, immediately you were back to being the pitiful girl of a few weeks before, while your body lay untidy between the covers of your bed.

Another sinful kiss reached your lips, but you, once again, had not returned it. Your muteness was followed by some hiccups and supplication but nothing seemed to stop the monster above you.

Your body’s natural reaction to his touch made you felt sick . Your bowels twitched at the thought of pleasure, you hated it, you hated that feeling so much, you would rather die.

«Now you will be a good girl, but there is no danger that you will be a bad girl, isn’t it true, pet?» Your half-opened lips made the curse above you even more aroused.

He bit your shoulder and made you bleed, and then, under your increasingly obvious shock, he took off your shorts and panties.

In a moment of lucidity you had brought your sore hands towards your intimacy, crying like a defenseless little girl and still begging him to let you go, to stop, not to do this to you... but nothing seemed to change his mind.

The curse slowly and forcefully pulled your hands from your most sensitive spot, giggling at you and your despair.

«How rude I am», he smiled , «I didn’t even introduce myself».

You struggled frantically in his grip, «As if I could give a fuck! Disgusting monster!».

The sick look of those who were torturing you became even more intense, He licked away your tears, while keeping you perfectly under his control.

«Oh, then you too have a spirit of survival, I thought you had lost the desire to fight», two fingers crept into your wet folds, surprising you.

You had bitten your lips, unable to restrain your weeping, disordered moans.

«I am Mahito», he had whispered in your right ear, while he was fucking you with his fingers, «keep this name in mind», he said kissing your ear shell.

«I am sure that soon you will shout it of your own free will».

Overwhelmed by his brute strength, you couldn’t help but cry.

Your sexual experiences could be counted on the fingers of a hand, what it was doing to you was something so abominable, and yet, your body could not help but react to unwanted caresses.

Dissociating seemed like something impossible, no matter how hard you tried to prove it, the feeling of his fingers inside of you wouldn’t let you get distracted.

Beyond that, the pain in your wrists grew stronger and stronger.

When you saw the face of the curse dipping between your thighs, settling on your violated pussy, you thought this was the first time someone was eating it, and no, it wasn’t something you wanted to get done; your shyness had always blocked you, but now there were no alternatives.

Still clenching your eyes, salty tears fell down your cheeks, now in a silent cry that heralded your destiny.

It was obvious, you couldn’t save yourself, it was too late, and when his tongue had sunk into your wet folds, you couldn’t help but arch your back to get away from his ruthless mouth.

In that desperate refusal, Mahito grabbed you by the side, trapping you in a cruel vise.

He licked all your excitement, lingering on your little feminine bud, there was nothing more annoying when his teeth grabbed him making your lower abdomen numb.

«No... I beg you, enough... I don’t want it», a guttural lament made you tremble like a leaf while the curse didn’t give sign of wanting to yield.

He sucked, then dipped his fingers in your tight opening.

You would have cum, you would have orgasmed, and you would have hated it, you would have hated yourself so much, so much...

With a choked-up moan you let yourself go into the spasms of orgasm, and as much as you hated to admit, it was painfully enjoyable.

He continued to overstimulate you as your thighs squeezed into his face, prey to a primal instinct that even you didn’t understand.

He caused a few complaints, while, horrified, you had noticed that his hand had rushed to rub the erection in his pants.

With a trickle of saliva tying his lips to your messy pussy, you couldn’t help but think the scene was tremendously erotic. Something made you pulse down there, and you certainly wouldn’t forgive yourself.

«Try to be honest with yourself», his voice teased you, while his hands spread out your legs again.

«And don’t hide», he said by rubbing your clitoris quickly.

Your sighs had become little squeaks of torment.

«e-enough... Enough... Too-»

«Poor little pet», he said slapping you in your core, «you are so desperate... You want more, don’t you?»

You were still crying, louder and louder, as you felt something rigid make room for yourself.

«Indeed...», he said, turning on your stomach, his lips in the shell of your ear, «I want to fuck you like a fucking dog, yes, as if we are two animals».

You were shaking like a leaf, and your wrists were throbbing with pain.

«they hurt me, this position... I can’t...», a slap angrily hit you on your buttocks.

«Shut up... be quiet», he bit you in the lobe, while his hands pushed you in the back, forcing you to adhere to the mattress.

Your butt was high, your femininity completely exposed to him, who was still torturing you with his fingers.

When he penetrated you with his monstrous cock, the squeaking from your throat intensified.

When he had started to move his hips in slow but deep and angry thrusts, you had screamed in pain.

Your pussy opened up to him, wrapping his long and big excitement.

A ring of delicious cream had formed around the circumference of the curse, and the more he stopped to study it, the more his horny cock enlarged.

«Don’t you feel what you’re doing to me?» he pulled your hair, forcing you to suffocate in your pillow.

«Don’t you feel how much we are made for each other?» one more push, one more scream from you.

You were a total mess, so physically challenged, you couldn’t even think straight.

The thrusts had become stronger and faster, his hands now, had run down your delicate neck, clutching him in a vise.

Her teeth sank into your back and shoulders as you trickled blood down and dirty the bed and your shirt crumpled over your tits.

«h-help», you had whispered in terror, unable to think clearly, «please».

«I’m sorry to tell you, sweetheart, but nobody will help you», with three other pushes he had come angrily inside you, filling you with his hot cum. You could hear it drip, while in an animal act, it continued to penetrate you without mercy.

«s-someone... Help me».

As you closed your eyes, you couldn’t help but feel the evil laugh of the curse above you.

«We will be together forever», He kissed your back , imperlated of sweat and blood.

«we will be together forever and you will adore it, you will love me, you will give to me a half cursed son».

Completely unconscious, your vision had become clouded, and even this could not block the cursed spirit.

«Open your legs, it will be a long night, you know?».