#if you see this no you don’t bc I don’t even know what I mean rn
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WHERE HAVE ALL THE STARK WIVES GONE AND WHERE ARE ALL THE COZ'S
aka i made the stark family tree from torrhen, the king who knelt all the way to the starklings & filled in some gaps too just for funsies. behold my magnum opus because i am a visual learner. some notes on the tree:
at the start of the tree, you’ll notice some lines are purple. those are not technically canon relations - we know those people existed but we aren’t told how they’re related or who their wives were. similar to my dornish timeline, i filled in a few gaps here based on the information we have to go off, some leaps in logic when it comes to the politics of the time, and some math.
similarly, you’ll notice some names in {brackets}. those are characters that we know exist but we don’t know their name (ie, we know alaric had two sons, we don’t know their names). i picked their names from other stark names.
the kids aren’t always in age order. i couldn’t get the graphic to line up in places bc of the cousin marriages and still keep everyone in age order, so i just gave up aksjd.
all the ones with the book sigil were Lords of Winterfell. all the ones with the show sigil were just born into the stark house.
alright now we got some explaining & rambling below the cut
george give the wives names. george at least give them a house. george pls you don't have to give her a personality just give her a freaking name george.
anyways!!! first things first, let's go into the names and houses i invented for everyone, starting from Torrhen's wife on the left and moving to the right:
Lady Manderly, the last Queen in the North - i think given the Manderlys are the #2 house, it was thematically fitting that the last Queen in the North was a Manderly! I also think it would make sense, given how common Iron Islander raiding was in this time, that Torrhen would want to strengthen his alliance with the house that owns his fleet. We also know the North’s fleet was pretty damn impressive at this time - Aegon uses them to fight several times after Visenya destroys the Vale’s fleet during the conquest.
Lady Dustin, wife to Brandon the Boisterous - Torrhen’s sons hate the Iron Throne and they’re all really pissed at the Stark Maiden-Ronnel Arryn marriage, so I figured Torrhen’s sons would want very fierce, very Northern wives (no offense to the Manderlys). Given Barrowton is one of the only true cities in the North, I thought marrying a family familiar with travelers, maybe a richer house even, might be seen as a benefit to staying strong against the Iron Throne.
Lady Flint, wife to Brandon the Boastful - Similar to Lady Dustin, I thought a strong Northern match would be what the sons of Torrhen would continue to go for. The Flints of Widow's Watch are considered the most powerful of the Flint houses so I thought that made a good match.
Lady Norrey, wife to Edwyn Stark - this one was fun & required some math and analysis. Basically, we know none of Alaric’s sons are married when Alysanne comes to visit, and Alaric is succeeded by his grandson, because both of his sons die before him. It means his grandson could be at the oldest 14 when he inherits. We also have Gyldayn say that some “Stark brothers” looked into seeing if Alysanne giving the New Goft was legal. I thought if Alaric & his sons were so annoyed by this, wouldn’t it make sense to marry into a house near the New Gift, who perhaps will be impacted by the decision and have the knowledge of the area and its history? Since the Norreys are right on the border, I thought that would be a good fit. I also thought it would be a good fit because Cregan married Arra Norrey just a bit later - and one pattern I noticed is that when a family marries into the Stark line once, they tend to remarry each other within a few generations again. They do this with the Blackwoods, the Lockes, AND the Royces - it’s likely the mothers & grandmothers influencing the matches, and I thought it was a fun pattern to repeat.
Lady Reed, wife to Artos Stark - So one thing we know is that Lynara Stark, Cregan's third wife, is not descended from the uncle who attempted to usurp Cregan but from a younger son of Brandon the Boisterous. I also noticed Lynara's son, Brandon, has an affair with a Fenn. The Fenns are sworn to House Reed, so I thought it made sense that this branch of the Starks has perhaps lived in the Neck, and brought a small household with her that included a Fenn or two that her son later has an affair with.
Lady Glover, wife to Ellard Stark - this is another “marry & remarry” match up but there I chose the Glovers also because I noticed the Starks tend to marry into the same few houses over and over again. These are likely their richest vassals and closest allies, so I thought again it would make sense that Ellard would pick a woman from a wealthy or important background as the succession crisis under Jaehaerys starts to kick off (in preparation for a fight, even if it's just a war of words). Since you have Gilliane Glover just a bit down, and I thought that would match up nicely with the "marry and remarry" trend as well.
NOW SOME ANALYSIS
Obviously there's been a lot said about the Sansa-Jonnel and Serena-Edric marriages that I don't really need to repeat at length but - I think the choice to have a Sansa and a Jonnel One-Eye marry is kind of sus, I think the "One-Eye" thing is sus, I think the niece-uncle connection here is kind of sus, and I think the fact that their mother was a Manderly is also sus.
There's also the fact that Serena has several sons and we have no idea what happened to them. That one stands out to me because of the Cregan-Lynara match; as stated above, Lynara is not, as some people assume, the daughter or granddaughter of Arnolf, the uncle that attempted to overthrow Cregan. Her Stark name comes all the way from a younger brother of Brandon the Boisterous. That's quite a few generations back that a Stark line has survived to remarry into the main line and we don't even know if she was an only child or had brothers and sisters. So Brandon's brothers' weren't just mysteriously offed/died out, but just two generations after Lynara, all of Serena's descendants just mysteriously die off? Nah, there's a story here that's hiding. The obvious suspect here is The She-Wolves of Winterfell story with Dunk & Egg. COMMA BUT. It's crazy that there are no Stark cousins in the modern day, no cadet House the way we have the Arryns of Gulltown, the Green Apple Fossoways, the Lannisters of Lannisport, etc., and also equally weird that Lynara's Stark line isn't a named cadet branch.
But let's get into the cadet/cousin branches in the modern day as well - one thing I noticed about the lack of Stark cousins in recent history (ie first and second cousins rather than like, seventh and eighth) is that a lot of them are female line cousins. Catelyn and Robb point this out in the book when Catelyn brings up the Vale Starks in the Templetons, the Royces, and the Waynwoods. I think the fact that Sansa is in direct contact with a host of those same families will come into play; perhaps when she unmasks herself as Sansa, someone will comment on her resemblance to Jocelyn, or maybe that familial connection will prompt a bit more loyalty out of one of Jocelyn's descendants if she has to make a mad dash out of the Vale.
And this is the same with Lyarra; she had a sister, Branda, who married a Rogers, which is a very minor Stormlands house. That stuck out in my head because I think this all really sets up the North to be ruled by Sansa; there are no male cousins or even female line male cousins (shout out Targaryen cousin Robert Baratheon) to step in and say "Well wouldn't you prefer a man as the Stark in Winterfell?" It's just Bran, Rickon, and Jon Snow that could possibly threaten her rule. It seems like she's very set up to echo her predecessor here but instead of Jonnel marrying her to steal her claim, Jon is likely to back up her claim, same as Bran.
And since I'm talking about namesakes here, let's dig into Arya Flint. There's two big associations here for Arya - Brave Danny Flint and the Wandering Wolf, Rodrik Stark. I think it's interesting that he served with the Second Sons, given that Arya is a Second Daughter, rather than the Stormbreakers, which was started by Oscar Tully. The moniker itself, Wandering Wolf, also makes me a bit excited for Arya's future; I've said before but I want Arya to do everything she wants to do and being so closely associated with a "Wandering Wolf" makes me think she will. The Danny Flint connection is also interesting here - there's the fact that Jon Snow, the sibling she's closest to, joins the Night's Watch (and even makes reference to Danny Flint), the fact that Danny dressed as a man and fought with a sword. Similar to the "Wandering" epithet potentially spelling out a happy ending for Arya, I am hopeful she'll have a happier ending than Danny Flint. But I do wonder if perhaps Arya will have some involvement with the Night's Watch, however it exists in the endgame.
Lastly - I'm so curious about Harrold Rogers. Did he help facilitate the friendship between Ned and Robert? Are the Rogers' still kicking around looking Starkish as hell? George where are all the cousins!!
#valyrianscrolls#house stark#the north#rani graphics#and the mummer's farce is almost done#the vale#sansa stark#arya stark#the wandering wolf#the queen in the north
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I wanted to share some thoughts here bc personally I understand the opposite! from my POV, the evidence of affection you describe (asking after him in Riverrun, keeping vigil at his bier) are done out of a sense of obligation.
Jaime tacks Tywin onto his question for Catelyn almost as an afterthought - and I don’t think it’s out of affection, but rather the knowledge that the overall wellbeing of his family is tied up with that of his father:
It's Cersei and Tyrion who concern me. As well as my lord father.
And as for keeping vigil… well, he doesn’t complete it. Jaime has the feeling he ought to, because this was his father, after all, but as you say he spends it wondering at the fact that he has no tears to shed, and ultimately surrenders it early to run after Tommen:
[…] all at once the king was running for the doors, as fast as his eight-year-old legs could carry him.
"Ser Osmund, relieve me," Jaime said sharply, as Kettleblack turned to chase the crown.
And outside of these two instances in which Jaime… sort of feels obligated to his father in some way?? there’s not really a single scene, line or word in which affection is suggested. It’s generally just Jaime looking on in horror at Tywin’s work in the Riverlands.
I actually think the matter of whether Jaime loves Tywin is brought up in precisely those chapters:
"Did you love him?" Jaime heard himself ask.
I think the reason Jaime asks Genna this is precisely because he can’t love his father. He doesn’t know what there is to love. He’s trying to see the man from her perspective, to see what he might have missed. This question follows a scene in which Genna has described the times Tywin smiled almost fondly - so it makes sense that this is the point of Jaime’s question. He senses an affection in her for Tywin that is absent in Jaime himself, and so he is asking: did you (could you) love him?
And there’s actually a direct parallel for this scene between Tyrion and Kevan in ASOS:
Tyrion blinked in astonishment. Ser Kevan had always been solid, stolid, pragmatic; he had never heard him speak with such fervor before. “You love him.”
“He is my brother.”
Tyrion likewise finds it difficult to comprehend loving a man like Tywin. And I think these scenes parallel each other intentionally. Tywin’s siblings got to enjoy his protection without suffering Tywin as a parent. After sharing in his ‘embarrassment’ of their father Tytos, the siblings are grateful for Tywin as a figurehead. They love him for it without expecting love in return.
Meanwhile, I think like any kids, the Lannister children want their father to love them. And I think you’d be hard pressed to say he does. And if you said he did, it’s clear they don’t feel it. I think Cersei craves his affection more than her brothers, hence why she remembers ‘secret smiles’ etc, but even that fantasy isn’t really enough to sustain a genuine love. Her feelings after his death are more complex than Jaime’s, but she does ultimately reduce it to the feeling of a missing tooth.
And for me that’s kind of the point?? Tywin raised his children lovelessly, and so he had no love from them. For all he obsesses over his legacy, it is a cold one that sharply contrasts to Ned’s: Ned’s children were raised with love, and remember him with love. Tywin’s struggle to feel anything for him after his death, except fear for what his absence might mean for them.
Did Jaime love Tywin or feel any sort of affection for his father in your opinion? After what he did to Elia and her children and later Tysha he had no delusions about the sort of man Tywin was. He was guilty and somewhat upset after Tywin died do you think that indicates some small amount of love?
Yes, I think Jaime absolutely did love Tywin. When Jaime was imprisoned, he asked for news of his father. When Tywin was murdered, Jaime keeps vigil over his bier (albeit as Kingsguard, which 100% would have pissed Tywin off).
But again, this is all in the context of Tywin's parental abuse.
It was queer, but he felt no grief. Where are my tears? Where is my rage? Jaime Lannister had never lacked for rage. "Father," he told the corpse, "it was you who told me that tears were a mark of weakness in a man, so you cannot expect that I should cry for you." Jaime I, AFFC
He had a terrible fight with his father not long before Tywin's death that ended in Tywin basically disowning him. Jaime freed Tyrion, who murdered Tywin - keeping in mind that Tyrion was in prison sentenced to death because Cersei accused Tyrion of murdering her and Jaime's son, and Tywin (at minimum) went along with Cersei's handling of the trial. Jaime's got some big and complex emotions to feel, and as we see in the quote above, Tywin did not encourage Jaime to develop a full suite of tools to handle those emotions.
Tywin did a lot of damage to all his children. Jaime might love his father, in spite of all the murders and atrocities he did to other people that Jaime academically knows about - but he's also starting to actually reckon with how Tywin and his ethos and his works have fucked up Jaime (and the rest of his family) on a deeply personal level. Jaime is literally standing there trying to work out how he feels about that.
It doesn't mean that Jaime didn't love Tywin and never loved Tywin. It's part and parcel of what makes Tywin exactly as horrible as he is. Part and parcel of the terrible irony of Lannisters, too - all Tywin's children loved him so much they did their best to follow his example, something that has done them no favours in developing the ability to love others. Or themselves.
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omg hi if ur inbox is open can u give us a short blurb/your thoughts on or some kind of headcanon list for yan tim drake (romantic) bc ur interpretation of him is so yum🤤 i like how you rlly focus on more darker aspects of his character which i dont see a lot of ppl doing unfortunately bc the way he’s a complete FREAK LMFAO🫣🫣
𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐄 𝐘𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐓𝐈𝐌 𝐃𝐑𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒…
!!! GN reader, mentally ill Tim, psychotic Tim, just Tim, he’s a problem, manic/depressive episodes, violent tendencies, suicidal tendencies, stalking, kidnapping, obsessive behaviors, gross ways to show affection, slight insinuation of pervy Tim, blood, mutilation, harm to reader mentioned, self-harm, severed body parts, drugging, gaslighting.
YAAAAYYYYYYYYY, TIM DRAKE TIME!!!! This is so long overdue. I’ve been meaning to write for him, but… it just hasn’t happened yet. I hope the ideas will start flowing after I get some of this off my chest. I’ve been harboring so many miscellaneous Tim thoughts for a while.
(Y’all. The CW on this just kept getting longer and longer. My bad.)
First thing’s first, Tim is a fucking mess. There’s no way to know for sure which version of him you’re gonna get each day. Maybe he’s going through a manic episode, coming up with batshit crazy schemes and going on about things that don’t make sense. Maybe he’ll then swing into a depressive fit, where he can’t even bring himself to get up from the floor. Maybe he wakes up completely fine after an hour long nap, regretting whatever initial brash decisions he made. Maybe he quickly turns violent at the sound of knocking at his door. Maybe he wants to claw his own arteries out after trying to maintain a normal social interaction.
The possibilities are endless! Which makes him extremely dangerous.
If you’ve caught the eye of Tim Drake… yikes. Good luck. There’s a chance you don’t even know who he is before he inevitably kidnaps you (completely on a whim, no less). Maybe you’re a total stranger he saw on the street once, captivating him and causing him to spiral into a twisted obsession. While I’ll defend Tim against the fandom allegations until my lungs give out, I’ll admit: they’re on to something when it comes to stalker Tim. Bro definitely has pictures of you covering every square inch of his walls. And, yes, it’s to the point where they overlap each other.
Kidnapping can take anywhere between 3 days and 3 years. During that time, he may try to weasel his way into your life in an attempt to win you over... though we all know how well that would go. As I’ve mentioned before, he may be attractive, but he’s such an off-putting person. Just being around him is enough to give you the creeps. And it doesn’t help he’s completely unaware of how weird some behaviors are. Tim... honey… you can’t shamelessly stare at people with a startling grin like that. I know you’re thinking about how much you want to lick your darling-to-be’s neck, but it’s weird.
Whether he attempts to interact with you or not, one thing’s for sure: he’s stealing your shit. Clothes, toothbrushes, half-eaten food, straws, whatever he can get his hands on. Don’t ask what he does with it. You don’t wanna know. Tim is a neeeaaaasty freak, to the point where even he thinks to himself, “what the fuck is wrong with me” after he calms down from a fit.
Oh, speaking of guilt, Tim is filled with that shit. He may swing from various stages of instability, but there are moments where he’s perfectly fine. And those are the moments where he has to grapple with the consequences of his own actions. Those can range from slightly scaring someone to causing irreversible damage. There have been many times where he snapped out of some episode with blood dribbling down hands and chunks of skin under his fingernails. Who did he hurt? Could be someone else, could be himself, could be you. Who knows!!
Let’s actually get into his suicidal tendencies a bit. His arms and legs are covered in scratches and cuts. Now, this could be explained by his vigilante life, but it gets harder to justify when you get to the bite marks at angles that only make sense if they were self-inflicted. Oh, and also the carvings of your name. He does that a lot. It’s like you’re with him everywhere he goes!! And kind of on the same note, he wants you to have him with you as well!! This could come in the form of strips of skin, vials of blood, toes, an eye, an ear, a spleen… just whatever he’s willing to cut off or out of himself in the moment.
His suicidal tendencies are also connected to those moments of guilt I mentioned before. After calming down and realizing what he’s done, he may harm himself as some sort of penance; especially if he’s done something to you. Depending on how far he spirals from his guilt, he may actually enact “an eye for an eye” (perhaps in the most literal sense) to help make up for what he’s done. Who knows, maybe he’ll replace missing pieces of you with his own. Will it work? No idea. Maybe a skin graph or two, but let’s hope you don’t have to find things out in the more extreme cases.
I think it’s important to keep in mind that Tim Drake is just generally fucked-up. “Normal” Tim doesn’t mean “completely well-adjusted” Tim, it just means he’s not acting on some manic or brash decision. Normal Tim would be fine with chaining or drugging you if he’s justified it to himself. As long as he’s not causing active physical harm to you, he probably won’t see anything wrong with whatever he’s doing in the long run. It’s for your own good, okay? Don’t worry, he’s gone through the possibilities and failsafes. Nothing bad will happen to you!
Unfortunately, manic Tim does not go through the possibilities and failsafes. Well, he kind of does, but the logic is far from realistic and runs in total circles. Whereas drugging you has a rational (fucked up, but still rational) reason behind it — to keep you immobile — filling your ear canal with cement takes some mental gymnastics. Manic Tim doesn’t want you to listen to anyone else. Solution? You can’t hear through concrete, right? At that point, you’re at the mercy of his mood swing RNG. Let’s hope he calms down enough to take a step back and really think about this. Hmm… filling someone’s ears with cement… probably not healthy. Wow. Silly Tim! He let himself get carried away, didn’t he? Whoops! There are more logical ways to keep you from listening to anyone else.
That’s where manipulation comes in. I mean, come on. Y’all know who his mentor is, right? Stable Tim is wicked good at manipulation. Huh? He’s acting weird? Well, he didn’t want to say anything, but he was actually thinking the same thing about you. Yeah, you’ve been kind of off lately… is there something wrong? You sure? You know he’s there for you, right? Okay, just making sure. A gaslighting king when he’s in the right headspace for it. Too bad his psychotic aura gives him away; he’d probably be really good at keeping up appearances if he just got medicated or something.
So… yeah. Just some Tim thoughts. What a charmer, amiright? I don’t think this one’s salvageable. No amount of therapy could ever fix whatever Tim’s got going on. Just throw the whole damn guy away. Start over. Your only hope of escaping him is the chance of someone on the outside realizing what’s up. Here’s to hoping Tim gets institutionalized before he does something really bad!!
#❥ CALL INCOMING: DO YOU LIKE SCARY MOVIES?#❥ TW: YANDERE#❥ YANDERE CHARACTER#❥ ROMANTIC YANDERE#❥ YANDERE TIM DRAKE#❥ YANDERE TIM DRAKE X READER#❥ GN READER
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Buddie realization earlier than expected? (Theory: looong)
Ok so what led me on this train of thought was bc I’ve been thinking about is the beginning of season 7 when Eddie is talking with Buck about Chris being a player. Eddie says “I don’t know where he gets it from, I married the first girl that I dated”. Fast forward to season 8 and bummy breakup and Turkish delight telling Buck that he’s his first and won’t be his last blah blah. Now let’s go to how Buck was ofc as usual ready to move in with Travel Agent and be serious. We’ve seen Buck from season 4 onward pushing to settle down and it was assumed that was bc of the Abby closure at the end of season 3 BUT…what if it’s not? What if it’s really a nod to Bucks need to be close to Eddie and in this sense I mean more mentally and theoretically.
Although Buck has seen Eddies relationships fall apart multiple times he has always tried to be like Eddie and establish “security” in a partner and eventually a family- something that he found in Eddie and Chris- but also really hasn’t bc Eddie has continually given up that spot that Buck unofficially holds as part of the Diaz family for years. However throughout the time Buck has known Eddie , the spot as Eddies best friend has been secured by him…until Trumpet. Once he was introduced Buck panicked(the first spot in Eddies life was already taken by Marisol and now there was competition for the other) so he did what he could to right the situation-remove Tourniquet from Eddies life himself. Buck found a willing substitute for Eddie while also ensuring that he would be Eddies secured first(bestie slash “platonic” life partner).
Back to the Eddie marrying his first and Torpedo saying that they can’t last BECAUSE he’s his first. I think at some point this is going to be brought up or referenced to, especially with the stills showing a depressed Buck. I think he has mentally seen Trombone being his first as something that relates to the validity of his relationship with Eddie. With him trying to emulate and fill the gap that not holding that “true” top spot in Eddies life and provide reason for why he should be okay being only Eddies bestfriend. Buck will at some point think well you married your first and overall it worked out great right(despite the divorce and her dying…)? You have your kid you got to experience the love etc. This is why despite multiple little(and not so little) references to Triste not being the one for him( the Evan Thing, “You wanted MY attention”, he’s good for you - how do you know that?, I gave you basketball tickets for our anniversary when you don’t like basketball, Do you love him?…, I led on the woman that changed your outlook on relationships and completely broke her heart), he still proceeds to ask Tommy to move in with him.
So then comes the question Why Buck? Why are you so heartbroken over this when you know deep down Trashcan was right? Because the whole thing was a product of his fear that he wont be important in eddies life forever. And from the articles Eddie is supposed to have a unique reaction to the breakup which I think is he is going to be completely care free about it in a “What can you do way”. This again will bring up Why do you care this much? Everyone else is moving on, you weren’t even this bad with Abby. I can totally see Buck having a meltdown about it. Another unique thing that hasn’t really happened before- Eddie is relatively free of emotional and mental weight atm while Buck is the complete opposite. Either both have been down bad or Buck was the free one and Eddie needed him. If Eddie reacts how I think in addition to everything else, this will be when Buck realizes what he truly wants from Eddie. Buck has always been there for him when the roles were reversed so Eddie not making it a priority will probably cause a I’m always there for him? Why is that and why am I so angry that he’s not as devastated as I am that our-I mean- me and Trampoline’s relationship didn’t work. This is all going to lead to Buck ending this episode or next episode with the realization that he has real romantic feelings for Eddie. BUTT I might just be way off and Eddie gets really protective and threatens Turnips life for not seeing how great Buck is and then asks Buck to marry him instead🙂.
Also this is probably hard to follow but it makes more sense in my head promise
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First of all, the reason it took me so long to put this out was bc I was trying to find good shots of their outfits and I simply couldn't except for Remus. Theoretically they all wear pants. I swear we've gotten good shots of them, I just can't find them anywhere so if anyone wants to help a guy out and send some my way, thanks in advance.
Look, is Logan hot? Yes. But it’s not because of the outfit. It’s because of the autism.
Just put him in a whole ass button up and some slacks and nice shoes, keep the tie, he doesn’t need a full suit, but if he’s trying to look professional, that’s literally what district managers and office workers wear, it would do. Now, if he did some character development and wanted to express his interests via clothing, we could throw in a lab coat or maybe a heavy duty apron. If he wanted to be more casual, you know he’s wearing a NASA bomber and star patterned converse but he also definitely put the stars and such on there himself. Space nerd has to have a favorite galaxy he could map out.
He’s not giving enough. He could be giving so much more. He’s Creativity and he is extra as hell, you’re telling me he couldn’t be MORE extravagant? Where are the furs? The cape? The crown? The DRAMA??? He’s playing a prince, but a prince can wear eyeliner. Where is it? Give him some gold highlighter, I want to be able to see him from the moon. A prince has got to slay, but what is he slaying? My spirits? With his current outfit, certainly. I’m mad because he can do better. He’s so boring to look at. Maybe it’s because he’s not just a prince, he’s specifically a Disney prince, but just because we’re pulling from a source material doesn’t mean we can’t spice it up, ok? Adaptation is allowed and encouraged to make improvements. But I’m also not really a Disney fan. You didn’t come here for unbiased facts anyway, you came her for my bad opinions.
I don’t think you can get any more Catholic guilt than that look so potential is met. Unfortunately the only thing he’s serving is church dad who cries himself to sleep next to his wife that he never has sex with because he’s gay but scared to admit it. She loves him but knows there’s something missing and resents him for it. They still have two and a half kids as is standard. Their picket fence is white. He’s living in suburban purgatory. He projects a little too much onto his dog. This is what he’s serving. I’m not eating it. Um, personality, yeah the fit pretty much sums him up. I hope at some point it doesn’t. I hope he gets better. Someone help him.
I know he’s on the cusp of proper development so he might get a new fit soon? Or not idk. I hope if he does it’s froggy. Give him one of those frog rain hats that would be cute af. He just wants to be silly, let him be silly, please for the love of everything, someone let him be silly.
I think we could have went harder into a subculture. Emo/punk and he doesn’t even paint his nails or wear a choker. What a fucking poser. The patches on the sweatshirt and holes in his T are good, though. He could also probably do with piercings and more make up. I do love that as a collective the fandom decided to have him keep the purple hair bc that really did him some good. I understand it's annoying to put chalk or wax in your hair every time to play him, but it would get him another point in the potential category. I just want him to look cool.
Serving- Dark sides know how to serve a look. If you’re going to be morally neutral/grey you have to make up for it by being hot. They don’t make the rules but the rules were definitely made for them.
Personality- I know exactly who he is by looking at him: A fucking dork. I love my dork ass wife.
Potential- There’s always room for improvement. Namely a yellow ribbon strip on the hat. I know in my heart of hearts that it��s there, but my eyes betray me.
idek if I’d say the cape is an improvement, I think they were right not to include it because it doesn’t really add anything to the way he’s been portrayed. Though I would love to see an occasion where he can play around with the cape because I love capes. I just feel like a variation of landsknecht would have served him well. Maybe paned slops. Pumpkin breeches. Do you see the vision? He just needs some slutty little booty shorts to amp up the bottom energy, and he already has the sleeve design to go with it.
Look, he’s not even my boy, but I’m going to defend Patton on this one. What else could we possibly do here? (I’m serious, please tell me, I want to hear about your Patton designs.) He’s just you’re emotionally repressed dad! Not MY emotionally repressed dad, for certain, mine wears Hawaiian shirts, Bermuda shorts, and crocs, but SOMEBODY’s emotionally repressed church dad. Probably. Maybe.
He’s not SUPPOSED to be all ‘it’s called fashion, sweaty’ because he’s just a guy! A very normal, boring guy! That’s part of his whole thing! He’s church dad! And his outfit shows it! Anyway, sorry Patton. I didn’t mean to expose you to this kind of outfit negativity. (This portion is mostly a joke. Idc if you think his outfit sucks. It does, that just happens to be in character which makes it technically not suck in my opinion.)
Maybe now that Janus has his hands on him Patton's fashion sense will improve. Light sides just don't do it like the dark sides.
#sanders sides#virgil sanders#logan sanders#remus sanders#roman sanders#patton sanders#janus sanders#siding post#siding ranks
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Something that really sets Wille and Simon apart from other queer ships is that when we say their love language is physical touch, IT REALLY IS PHYSICAL TOUCH. And I’m not speaking of just sex. Over the course of the show, the amount of touching between them is astronomical. And that’s really something rarely seen in queer media. There may be moments here or there, but often times there’s a lack of physical contact unless it’s for “the plot”. Wille and Simon feel like a real couple in the way they’re always physically reaching out for each other.
#wilmon#young royals#OH ALSO#wtfock#sobbe#cuz they def belong in this category too#constant touching between them#but you don’t get it with most queer ships and idk if it’s just bc production is afraid of it being ‘too much’ or what#but it’s annoying#and frustrating#just something I’ve been pondering on recently#tv has come a long way in terms of representation#but it still feels like there’s almost a FEAR of too much affection between queer pairings#it’s seen more with mlm than wlw cuz I think they’re like oh well women are more physically affectionate in general even with friends#but damn like#I mean I’m a woman and bisexual so obv I have a lot of queer friends#and a couple of my besties are gay men who have been married for years#fun thing they live right next door to my parents lol#and I’ve known one half (michael) since I was 16 and he was 14 lol my friend jen actually had a big crush on him#and I was like GIRL#BUT ANYWAY#he and rick have been married for many years and they’re SO AFFECTIONATE in a casual way that you would be with a partner#just touches here and there on the shoulder or hand hold or kisses like???#obviously they aren’t the only gay couple I know but I’m around them so much so they are a good example#Lol this got weirdly personal but the point is that we don’t see that shit in queer media#at least not enough of it it’s like producers/writers are afraid of ‘too much’#so they give not enough#ANYWAYYYY rant over!!!
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the thing abt the sun moon poll with zukka is that they’re not actually sun moon because zuko is the sun (he’s never seen the night) but sokka is not the moon (he’s not even a star) because sokka has been in love with the moon sokka has seen the moon he has held the moon he holds a piece of the moon inside himself and he has loved the moon but he can never be the moon sometimes he can’t even look at it for too long and zuko is honourable he holds a nation on his shoulders. zuko is the sun, he’s never seen the night, but he hears its song from the morning birds while sokka is not the moon, he’s not even a star, but awake at night he’ll be singing to the birds!!!! sokka falls in love with the moon the stars and the sun (yue suki and zuko) but he will never be any of them
#i don’t even know why i wrote this but um. yes im gonna vote zukka in the sunmoon poll bc they are inherently sunmoon but they aren’t do you#see what i mean?? anyways your best american girl#this is not super serious btw#zukka#mitski#min.txt
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so no one was going to tell me if i got literally one episode further tenax drops that he’s the one who saved scorpus from his mom’s pimp AND that he’s intimately familiar with scorpus’ dick when he was younger. guys. guys.
#thinking about an INSANE divorce fic. as a follow-up to the 30k canon-compliant backstory i have not written#(really it could be an au of that because like. am i sentimental and would i want them to get emotionally divorced NO but i will get into#the variants of this later i have to tell you about them ACTUALLY divorced first before i get into the hot divorcee energy of it all)#where they fucked around when they were younger and then broke up because. yeah tenax can dream but scorpus needs certainty he is what he#is he wants attention and dignity and when blue offers for him he goes and we don’t need to know what the massive fight was but we DO need#to know that they stopped fucking and maybe they stopped talking too but now they’re Colleagues. putting the ‘because i can’ moment#into a WHOLE different light bc it’s very much a ‘you no longer have a say in who I get to fuck because it’s not YOU. because we’re not’#and thus we get an exes-to-lovers arc I still know you the best and yes I SEE the scorpus xenon andria potential & once again I am saying:#put that in a box we can’t talk about that right now I see it but that’s not what we’re here for. anyway I was TRYING to say the ‘I know u#best of anyone’ of it all and if you think I have stopped thinking about tenax goading scorpus & talking about his dick for a single second#I have not. I REALLY have not because that is top tier blatant manipulation to be like ohhhh poor baby you’re so old and rotting I can just#get a new chariot driver I don’t even really want you anyway 😇 and scorpus KNOWS It’s bait however. he’s gotta get his attention back.#anyway they are ugly divorced and it’s very slow burn but I know exactly how you taste & what buttons to press & how to grip your shoulders#in an argument until they fuck nasty on all of their riches or however this thing ends. not well for anyone but I WILL be getting them back#together. the other fun little big divorced energy thoughts i had were very much ‘divorced and arguing but it’s foreplay to threaten to#leave each other’ so they can have hot aggressive mean sex because they get off on arguing with each other. everybody in the stables starts#to see them arguing about chariot design & the brothers are scared they’re gonna kill each other & then suddenly scorpus is tongue-fucking#Tenax’s throat with a fist still in his hair and tenax has a hand pinning him back against the post by the throat and that’s all they see#before everybody clears the FUCK out. this is a regular occurrence at all times in all arguments it’s so fun I love the dynamic#OHHHH AND IT’S AN OUTSIDER POV FIC i said the brothers really i meant elia but also now that i say that. could be a fun five + 1 of#everyone watching them threaten to kill each other and then y’know. la petit mort. ALSO i know i see the calla/tenax too we can’t talk abt#that put it in the box with the chariot drivers we can have one (1) thing at a time. the calla note is because i want a calla pov of them#where she’s just like ‘freaks. right in front of my salad?’ and does not give a fuck at all. top tier. anyway. andria/elia/calla/domitian#(Domitian seeing them petition him would be so fun because he wants to puppet master everything he’d want to know SO BAD.) the 5th one idk#because I don’t have any idea about the third brother yet but maybe Tenax catching scorpus in a brothel again? and the +1 is their POV ofc.#(anyway for myself: the vibes i want here are geno/anna cat and mouse follow/unfollow divorce and win her back rumors)#scorpus/tenax#those about to die#scorpus#tenax
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reblogging bcs i have a lot of thoughts
i fucking HATED how Jon treated him s1, we also have to remember that before we see ANYTHING of Martin straight from the horses mouth, we see him from Jon’s pov. And Martin probably wasn’t very good at his job, but that’s reasonable since he transferred from the library to an archive, he most certainly didn’t expect to be in research 2.0. Martin has no clue how to do his job and he couldn’t let anyone know that because he wasn’t even supposed to be there. The reason i started liking Martin was because i hated Jon, and the reason i hated Jon was because he was mean to Martin. My thought process was thus; Jon’s an Ass to Martin for really no reason, so I’m going to like Martin to spite Jon
Now, i too sorta dislike s5 Martin, when i first listened i found him to be really whiny and kinda ungrateful. During my relisten a lot of the problems i had with him were lessened because i was just so unuse to this new Martin, and before, he would do everything I would, but now he was a lot different, which gave me whiplash. it’s like expecting the driver in a car to take a turn and then they just don’t, you can’t blame them but there’s a sense of wrongness in your stomach. Now again most of these problems i had were fixed when i relistened, knowing what was going to happen, and that was my main complaint with s5 in general, expecting a turn and the driver just keeps going straight
Now going back to s1 (since i realized i didn’t explain my point very well). When ever Jon talked about what Martin did it was heavily biased, and whenever we hear Martin talk it’s around Jon. Around the person he doesn’t want to get in trouble by. We heard in the beginning of s5 tapes that Sasha and Tim were a lot different then when being recorded in s1, so obviously Martin (with a more easily identifiable reason) would also be a lot different. Then when everything went down and he dropped the act a little, we do know he was still acting. The tapes we get in s3 before the Unknowing are the closest thing we get to him being genuine, and even still he doesn’t want to admit how much of an asshole he is.
Now it’s fine if you don’t like Martin, he’s specifically written as a very complex person, and that means that sometimes people just hate him for no reason. But I dislike the criticism that his personality was very touch and go, it’s just that we didn’t know what was actually going on in his head until end of s4 and s5.
Now my defense of why I like Martin is;
He has a very heavy faun response, which same, and that aspect makes him really interesting to me. Being manipulative and having a heavy faun response are the same, but are seen differently.
i detest the idea that he is never in the wrong or that he’s just a sweet cinnamon roll. Martin, early on, just follows the lead to anyone who makes it seem like they understand even a little, then does a full 180 into thinking he knows what’s right and wrong without any input from anyone. Then realizes that, he really doesn’t know, nobody does, and he still thinks he knows better more often than not, but he recognizes this in himself. There is no ends to anyone’s character arcs in TMA, they still grow and struggle with the same things, but they find new solutions and new problems. And i think all of that is really interesting! It adds to the tragedy, it’s fine if a character dies when they are finished atoning for whatever narrative sin they have be set up with, but it’s tragic when they never get to! They are told what they need to do, and try to do it, but die before they can. Sasha died before she could be anything but a memory, someone who almost just haunts the narrative. Tim died in a noble way, but ultimately pointless one, as we come to find out. He is still just as angry, and he still didn’t bring the two people he wanted to save back from the dead. He didn’t win, even if he and everyone else thought so. He could’ve healed, but he killed himself before he could. And Martin tries like hell to figure out how to listen to people without only listening to him, and he fails a lot, a LOT a lot. But he died before he could just relax. Jon was the same, he got too deep and thought that, with enough time, he could figure out a way, not out of the hole, but closer to the surface. And he would’ve, if given the time. But he was dragged back into the same bullshit by the same man and by the same fear.
sorry that one was a lot longer but yk.
Martin is also stubborn. He was endlessly patient with Jon early s5, and the idea that he’s impatient the rest of the season i disagree with. He is just very careful with what he gives his time, maybe a bit to careful, but again with him over-course correcting. But he is still very stubborn, which i feel like is a good word between perseverance and determination. He knows that they will find a way to get everyone safe, as much as possible. He is too patient to believe the easy answer, and too persistent to allow everyone else to settle for that either. He does dumb things sometimes, but when has a tma character not? but is still fiercely protective of his people and ideals. if not a bit misguided at times
I'll be so honest with y'all, I always thought Martin was written to be an intentionally dislikeable character (like s1 Jon) for like character development or something, and then I was even MORE sure of that by season 5, and then they just kinda never touched on it and the fandom was all obsessing over him and it's like?? What do y'all see in him unless you relate to him omg 😨
#sorry this is really long#again#lots of thoughts#the magnus archives#tma#tma podcast#martin blackwood hate#anti martin blackwood#martin blackwood slander#jonathan sims#jon tma#martin tma#also sorry this is really rambly#i used my free hour to do this#and it took up all of the time
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what’s there not to understand about hypomania? you know when you get overtired, and like a toddler, you get all hyperactive and also want to cry or do Every Fun Thing you can think of and it actually becomes harder to sleep? like as a result of too much overwhelm or being so emotionally exhausted that’s how your body makes you able to cope, the aftereffects of too much adrenaline? just imagine being stuck like that. and every day it triggers itself more, overload of emotional whiplash and energy and you’ve lost all ability to think rationally and you can do anything at this point, because why not? you’ve got nothing left in you to hold back on any idea that could be exciting and stop you from falling into the void where the wiredness you feel has nothing to latch onto to burn off that nervous energy in a positive way, emotionally. for days or weeks or months on end. you don’t need to have ever experienced this fully to extrapolate and be like. yeah. I can see how it would suck eventually to get stuck like that
#at this point I’m begging people to see the overlap with adhd too bc anecdotally it seems like everyone I know also has that#and the overlap with bpd and hpd but I think the main difference is. being stuck in that high energy state. even when the energy turns sad#and bitter and hopeless. it’s essentially just overstimulation from your own brain. gets stuck overstimulating itself to cope maybe?#like i know people say it’s not triggered by life events but they sometimes can trigger it. but imho depression is gonna trigger it too#eventually. anything where everything is Too Much can start the positive feedback loop that’s almost impossible to turn off#which if you don’t know what a positive feedback loop is. means smth triggers smth which goes back and triggers its original trigger#thus getting bigger and bigger in magnitude. it’s like the chicken and the egg. egg makes chicken and chicken makes egg. more egg more#chicken and more chicken more egg. as opposed to a negative feedback loop which by the time there gets enough of smth it stops triggering#making more of it. your body relies on negative feedback loops for smth called homeostasis which is basically keeping everything stable#so obv positive feedback loops are gonna do the opposite of stable. in this case for your energy and your mood#most people are able to sleep better when they’re tired. my hypothesis of hypomania is when being tired makes you less able to rest#and that obviously spirals in on itself. mania would just be an extension of that I guess? but in some people it does happen really fast so#I get the narrative that it’s a chemical imbalance bc it is. but the specific imbalance being the tendency to a positive feedback loop make#more sense to me too. and can be why predictability and external cycles to ground yourself to are so important#there’s also never a 0% chance of you ever having a manic episode btw. anyones brain can theoretically get into this loop it’s just that if#you’re genetically predisposed to bipolar you’re much more likely to! and that’s okay. you can manage it with meds and lifestyle#but it makes sense why lowering stress (which can trigger this cycle) is such an important part of treatment and management#anyway. hopefully I’m not like. horribly horribly wrong or smth. in the end I can only speak for my experience so lmk if I’m missing smth#bipolar awareness#bipolar 2#hypomania#personal mental health tag#neurodivergence#would you believe I was reminiscing about a concert I went to once. and it made me think of all this
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apparently people are mad about me saying “the show never let dany look ugly” lol
i am Once Again Saying it was the popular opinion that emilia can’t act, doesn’t look like dany, and michele’s styling of dany was ugly and bad until people decided d&d’s butchering of dany's arc was a masterpiece except for the last season conveniently. also that last one lmao.
#‘i know what you are’ what does that even mean. i’m gay and i like women with sharp feautures? call me a slur then say it to my face 😭#getting on my soap box#fandom wank#'makes their fave look like a mutt in comparison' never beating the misogyny allegations btw!!!! freaks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#at least there's no misgendering lol. if this happened on twitter i'd get maliciously misgendered or called it. small mercies ladjsfkl#like i don’t even have these people blocked. i was expecting to see a common shitstarter name but it’s a nobody.#also i’m annoyed bc they left my url in their shittalking which explains that handful of stupid wank asks i’ve gotten lol#i was gonna be petty and be like well SOPHIE is booked and busy but actually most of these bitches did NOT land jobs#except for gwendoline and jacob!! altho sophie was hilarious in do revenge i wish she'd do more comedies#the whole post is nonsensical like this really is the piss on the poor website
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im new here- is dean abusive?
imo yeah. smarter people than me have written dissections of the way he treats sam & others (he’s also Awful to his psuedo-son jack, but i haven’t gotten to that season yet), i’ve probably reblogged a bunch of them.
he certainly doesn’t mean to be & i don’t say it to condemn him as a person or as a character & i’m still very attached to him & he loves sam very much (not that that makes a difference in whether u abuse someone or not) - but the way he treats sam a lot/some of the time is emotionally abusive and sam is clearly badly impacted. s4 and s8 come to mind as his worst moments also ofc moc era - after that there’s less interpersonal conflict (up to where i am at least) but that’s because sam mostly stops disagreeing with dean not because dean actually gets much better <3 spn is cycles of abuse show after all. family is hell. dean’s learnt pretty much everything about how to behave from his abusive father and as a result. well. cycle continues
#anon i wonder which way ur approaching this from - having not considered that dean treats sam badly or having never thought of it as Abusiv#mutuals pls feel free to chime in with ur opinions#wrote a bunch of more detailed responses to this but none of them felt right so i was just like. eh#narrative portrays dean as right like All Of The Time bc the shows morality is deans morality its fucked up so that makes it harder for#fandom to see how awful he is sometimes#but i think a lot of people see his awful behaviour but just wouldn’t call it abusive and rather toxic etc because abusive#is such a ‘strong word’ and people have a lot of personal connotations with it#i don’t often even actually use the word abusive to describe him. but he is! and i’ve been watching s4 and he’s just So awful and it’s been#reminding me hugely#dean crit#<- i guess#spn#oliver talks#asks#it’s more than just like. being awful sometimes. bc it’s this systemic pattern of eradicating sam’s sense of identity outside of him#and punishing sam for ‘disobeying’ him (like s4/8)#dean winchester#supernatural#Also when you start recognising dean as abusive the show becomes a legitimate horror story because fucking hell!!!!#narrative just. sides with him most of the time!!!!#if u wanna think abt it for urself id say make sure u know what abuse actually Is and how it can present & then look at a lot of sam and#dean conflicts. do they seem equal? r both parties being as awful to each other? whats the context?#look away from the view the show is trying to get you to take via like. ending shots and closeups. and look at what theyre actually saying#to each other and what has actually happened#<- i feel like this sounds patronising i dont mean to be😭#if u already think sam&dean r fucked up and had just never defined it as abusive before then feel free to ignore me#there r probably posts in my dean winchester tag much better than this#<- okay apparently i had a lot to say actually. sorry for doing it in the tags
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Anyways I’m just fucking tired. I want to be left the fuck alone. My abusive ex showed that he’s still lurking on me and is assuming posts I’ve made that are generalized are actually about him when they aren’t like I’m so fucking tired. WHILE dealing with a toxic friend I currently have like I wish everyone would just leave me the fuck alone!!!!!!! This is why I isolate so much now I cannot fucking deal with people I’m sick of being triggered and anxious over people. It’s gonna end up where I legit have no one because I just can’t anymore. Relationships are not worth the suffering that comes with them.
#ryan.txt#fucked up people#and you know what pisses me off even more about my ex?#I LITERALLY TRIED TO RECONCILE WITH HIM.#IN FACT THE RECONCILIATION WAS FINE.#it was the most genuine I had seen him in ages#but you know what?#I realized he didn’t actually mean it and he was doing what he always did#and yk what? that fucking hurt#I gave you the fucking benefit of the doubt and you fucked me over again#I know he’ll see again at some point#and he’ll probably think this is him winning#I don’t even care anymore please just stop#you can hate me it’s your life you can do what you want#but I took that reconciliation shit to heart I literally told my therapist I told my friends at the time I told my mom#I defended you and said it sounded genuine#just for it to not be bc you’re still harassing me#like?????? you made me look fucking stupid AGAIN#this is my life I’m not keeping score#I’m just trying to heal and get better stop making that so difficult for me
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WHY DID NOBODY TELL ME BURROWS END WASNT FREE
#I DIDNT TALK TO ANYONE ABOUT IT BUT STILL. SOMEONE SHOULDVE WARNED ME BEFORE I GOT COMPLETELY INVESTED#I know next to nothing abt dimension 20 I’m pretty sure I just saw a post abt burrows end specifically MONTHS ago and was like 👀👀👀#opened a tab with the first episode to watch later and promptly forgot about it#until last night! having a bad night and was like hrm what if I just watch smth#and I’ve been reading watership down recently!! finally got my own copy bc it was my favourite book when I was like NINE#so I am fully primed to fall in love with a story abt little animals rn and man#I am OBSESSED with this and also realising yeah I’m at a point where I could get very into tabletop rpgs now#what if. what if I just get dropout. what if I just do that. would that not be fun. I would like to see the stoats do stuff#i am so in love with Ava and her player and I understand so much more about brennan lee mulligan now. and VIOLA#viola may be my favourite character I’m obsessed with how she interacts with other characters.m#i NEED to know what’s up with thorn’s cult thing. and also thorn. what is going on there#hrrgrhehh the thing that’s holding me back is I’m allergic to subscriptions#impermanence. even though I know it’s fairly unlikely I’ll wanna watch it again any time soon I don’t like the idea that I’d have to like#in a couple years pay for it again or not be able to bc I can’t afford it even though I already paid for it once#I’m a books + cartridge games guy and it shows.#okay. I will chew on this. the price is not unreasonable and I have coincidentally also been looking at make some noise clips#it does not help that I basically never watch things but my favourite podcast is also ending within the next month (2 episodes left)#and this IS primarily audio so I could cook + watch mayhaps. and I’ve heard good things abt all other d20.#they have a 20% off first year deal on. annual would make me less stressed long term if I end up liking this bc cheaper + choice premade#and would also mean I can do it now and not feel bad abt wasting the first month bc I won’t be able to watch much for a few weeks#fuck it I’m allowed to make frivolous purchases sometimes I will simply swallow the subscription distaste#more stoats >:)#that aside all the players are incredible I’m pretty sure when this is done I’ll wanna watch other seasons just to see what else they do#okay go do the thing I believe in you you can spend money sometimes#luke.txt#update I downloaded the app. I am putting off the decision for another day now bc it’s 1:21am and I have not been thinking clearly <3
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classmates*
today we had presentations and these mfs didn’t know how to use USBs or Microsoft. The girl “helping” (the teacher chose her randomly) wasn’t doing shit to help she didn’t know either. I had to come to the front of the class and teach them how to send PowerPoint links on the TNI when there were 10 mins left to the period. They were testing my patience as their fellow classmate.
anyway I’ll be posting doodles i drew at school in a small while
#How do they have all the time in the world to be on Snapchat Instagram and TikTok but not know how to send links to presentations.#It’s not even that hard man the mfs in my class ARE just dumb#What’s worse is that we’re “smarter” since it’s enriched#In reality 70% can’t keep up w anything and should be in regular but didn’t quit after their first year#I mean i can understand if you have difficulties sometimes i do too but they don’t even ask for help or anything they’re just there#They stayed to be w their friends and bc it’s an important program#Like dawg if u see u don’t even like it and ur irresponsible as shi just leave damn 😭#They’re GENUINELY infuriating#That was a small vent or som idk#Just felt like getting it out of my system
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hi what is wrong with me
#I don’t even know what exactly I am Processing#but boy am I processing something#like was I really That Affected by stupid internet artist drama#to this day#like#what unhealed part of me#like I ugh#I think this is maybe just another tism experience#ever since fuckin Girl Scouts and elementary school#I’ve always been Too Cool to care about being in the in group like that’s so fucking shallow and stupid#but then also I suck at feeling like I belong in literally almost any space#so ummmmmmmmmmmmm#I guess maybe sometimes I get stuck in that wanting to belong and fit in feeling#but I don’t want to do it in the stupid shallow way#I want to find a place where I belong because I’m me#and I think I get triggered and stupid and annoyed when I see fake ass shallow toxic ass hoes living it up being in The Clique or whatever#like why them and not me#what the fuck tumblr tag venting really does make you think so introspectively#like idc abt being in groups where everyone’s just fucking stupid and mean#but when there are people who are cool and nice and chill in them#I get so much FOMO#like they hang around them bc they are cool and chill and nice but they’re not cool and chill and nice themselves#and I get annoYYYEEDDD#I’m not even feeling entitled to getting attention from cool and chill and nice people it’s just that like#sometimes it feels so slippery and wobbly trying to even coordinate hanging out with people you want to regularly#what am I even talking about though really#I think I really am just annoyed and triggered by deep seated pay attention to me and make me feel valued issues#maybe it is an entitlement issue in a way lmao#like I don’t expect attention from everyone ever but also I deserve attention I never got from my parents and does anyone ever tell you how#to like deal with that once you’re an adult like what the actual fuck
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