#if you run into any issues or there's an error let me know

[xx-thedarklord-xx]

I have created a guide to my stories. A way to help navigate all 90+ of them and hopefully you'll find something you like!

[atomtanned]

💚 Traits, Refreshed & Randomized

I'm currently in the testing process for V2 of my Trait-Based Chemistry mod, but I wanted to go ahead and share this first, since I intend these to be used with that mod.

The original 3t2 traits were released 6 years ago, and I thought it was time for a fresh look. And while Flippity Flop traits by @anachronisims/@cityof2morrow filled in some gaps, I still felt like there were some aspects of real life personalities that were missing. And like most things, I started working on this and couldn't stop. Here's what you'll find in the download folders:

New icons for 3t2 & Flippity Flop traits, using 4t2 icons

Increased texture size for all traits, so they look a bit nicer in Sims' inventories - these went from 128x64 to 256x128 (preview below the cut)

9 new traits to complement the above sets

New icons for some "bonus" traits like @tammyhybrid21's Alien trait and @midgethetree's Fairy trait, plus 8 new completer bonus traits

Mesh swap of Simlogical's Prisoner Tag to fit the same format as the traits

Optional renamed traits (included in a separate folder with credits where applicable)

Trait randomizer program using Hook's RandomStuff

All traits use their original GUIDs and file names so you can just replace them in your downloads folder if you have the originals. You may need to manually refresh thumbnails in-game to see the new icons.

‼️The collection file is required - these objects will not show up in the catalog. If you are new to using traits, you also MUST have the trait_MAIN file from the original traits project post.

It's been ages since I shared anything and I started this project months ago, so it's highly possible I made a mistake somewhere. Let me know if you run into any issues!

✨DOWNLOAD: SFS / MF

Updated 2/16/25: Fixed an error where some of the renamed traits were showing in the catalog instead of collection only. Archives have been updated.

Updated 2/20/25: The Minimalist trait texture was showing up as a recolor for Black Thumb, and I accidentally packaged a version of the Prisoner trait without the custom thumbnail. Archives have been updated but you can get the individual files here.

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💌 CREDITS

@hexagonal-bipyramid for their Traits project

@anachronisims & @cityof2morrow for their Flippity Flop traits

@tammyhybrid21, @midgethetree & @fireflowersims for some of the bonus traits

Simlogical for the Prisoner Tag

Hook at MATY for RandomStuff program

📝 DOCUMENTATION:

List of traits & GUIDs included

Trait Randomizer instructions

💾 EXTRAS:

If you're looking for true 4t2 trait conversions, @cityof2morrow made an extensive set available here!

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Preview of 3t2 traits, bonus trait with new background color, and prisoner tag mesh change:

[resplendent-ragamuffin]

I have encountered issues with JVP in the past in regards to not accommodating kashrut/shabbat observance (and wheelchairs), but previously hasn’t heard about the Mikvah thing. Do you have any sources I can refer to?

Oh boy. Oh boy oh boy oh boy. The noise I made when I saw this ask.

You are probably unaware but I have literally been working on a post on this topic since February. Bless you for asking me about it and giving me a reason to share it. Genuinely. I'm delighted.

Without further ado, now that I've finally finished:

On the JVP Mikveh BS

Some of you are no doubt aware of the Jewish Voice for Peace Mikveh Guide (on JVP’s website here, and here on the Wayback Machine in case that link breaks). You may have seen the post I reblogged about it, you may have seen the post about JVP in general on @is-the-thing-actually-Jewish, or you may have heard about it elsewhere. Or maybe you’ve somehow managed to avoid all knowledge of its existence. (God I wish that were me.) Even if you know about it, even if you’ve scanned through it, you probably haven’t taken the time to read it through properly.

I have.

God help me.

I was originally looking through it to help draft the @is-the-thing-actually-Jewish post back in February, but some terrible combination of horror, indignation, and probably masochism compelled me to do a close reading, so that I could write this analysis and share it with you, dear readers. For those of you who’ve never heard of a mikvah, for those of you who’ve immersed in one, for those of you who’ve studied it intensely—I give you this, the fruit of my suffering, so you too can understand why “Mikveh: A Purification Ritual for Personal and Collective Transformation,” written by Zohar Lev Cunningham and Rebekah Erev for Jewish Voice for Peace has got so many people up in arms.

Brace yourselves. It’s going to be a long journey.

First off, a disclaimer: When I say something is “required in Jewish law” or whatnot, I’m talking about in traditional practice / Torah-observant communities; what is often called “Orthodox.” There’s a wide range of Jewish practice, and what is required in frum (observant) Judaism may not be required in Reform Judaism, etc. Don’t at me.

Second note: I myself am Modern Orthodox, and come from that perspective. I’m also very much more on the rationalist side than the mysticism side of things. I did run this past people from other communities. Still, if I’ve missed or misrepresented something, it was my error and was not meant maliciously.

Third: I am not a rabbi. I am a nerd who likes explaining things and doing deep dives. Again, I may have made errors–please let me know if you spot any, and I’d be happy to discuss them.

Now then. Before we get into the text itself, let’s give some background.

WHAT IS THIS MIKVEH THING ANYWAY?

A mikveh (or mikvah, both they and I switch between spellings; plural mikva’ot) is a Jewish ritual bath, sometimes translated as an immersion pool. Some communities or organizations that run mikva’ot will have a single all-purpose all-purpose, some have separate human- and utensil-pools, and some have separate women’s and men’s pools. The majority of the water in a mikvah has to be “living waters,” i.e. naturally collected rather than from a tap or a bucket. Some natural bodies of water can also be used, such as the ocean and some rivers (ask your local rabbi). The construction is complicated and has extremely detailed requirements. Here’s an example of a modern mikvah:

(By Wikimedia Commons (ויקיגמדון) - Own work, Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=17373540)

Whoever is being dunked (the scientific term) has to be entirely immersed, and the water has to be in direct contact with all of them. That means no clothes, no makeup, no hair floating on the top of the water, no feet touching the floor, no clenched fists. You have to be completely clean as well, so no dirt is obstructing you from the water.

In essence, a person or thing is immersed in a mikvah to change their/its state from tameh (ritually “impure”) to tahor (ritually “pure”). I use quotes because “pure/impure” aren’t really good translations—they have value judgments that tameh/tahor don’t. There’s nothing wrong with being tameh, you aren’t lesser because you are tameh—it’s just a state one enters when one comes into contact with death and related concepts. (There are also different levels of both.) As a matter of fact, technically speaking even after going to a mikvah basically all people are tameh now—the tum’ah (“impurity,” sort of) that comes from contact with dead humans can only be removed by the Red Heifer offering (see Numbers 19), which we can’t do without the Temple. (Why I say “all” even if you’ve never been to a funeral is a much much longer tangent that I’ll spare you for now.) To quote one of my editors on this, mikvah is “about the natural oscillation between states of ritual purity and impurity. Men go to mikveh after having seminal emissions. Menstruating women go to mikveh on a monthly basis (emphasis added).” It’s just states of life.

In the days of the Temple, one had to be tahor to enter it (the Temple). Archaeologists have found a ton of ancient mikva’ot in Jerusalem that were presumably used by people visiting the Temple, which personally I think is extremely cool.

Nowadays, there are three main traditionally required uses for a mikvah. First, and most importantly, observant married women will go about once a month as part of their niddah (menstrual) cycle, part of practice known as Taharat HaMishpacha, or “Family ‘Purity,’” which at its root is a way to sanctify the relationship between spouses. Until she immerses, a wife and husband cannot resume relations. And not just sex—in some communities, they can’t sleep in the same bed or even have any physical contact at all.

The second use is for conversion—immersion is a central part of the conversion ceremony. One enters the water a gentile, and emerges a Jew.

The third usage is a bit different as it’s not for people. Tableware—plates, cups, etc.—made of certain materials have to be immersed before they can be used. This isn’t what the Guide is about, so I’m not going to go into that as much, but felt remiss if I didn’t mention it was a thing. If you want to know more, Chabad has an article on it here.

Aside from uses required by Jewish law, there is a strong tradition in some communities for men to go to the mikveh just before Yom Kippur, or sometimes every week before the Sabbath, to enter the holiday in as “pure” a state as possible these days. (The things they’re “purifying” from still made them tameh, it just matters less without the Temple.) There is also a strong custom to immerse before one’s wedding. Less traditional communities have also started using mikvah for other transitional moments, such as significant birthdays or remission from cancer. There has recently been an “open mikvah” movement, which “is committed to making mikveh accessible to Jews of all denominations, ages, genders, sexual orientations, and abilities (Rising Tide Network old website, “Why Open Mikvah”).”

To quote others:

No other religious establishment, structure or rite can affect the Jew in this way and, indeed, on such an essential level. —Rebbetzen Rivkah Slonim, Total Immersion, as quoted on Chabad.org

The mikveh is one of the most important parts of a Jewish community. —Kylie Ora Lobell, “What Is a Mikveh?” on Aish.com

How important? According to Rav Moshe Feinstein, one of the great American rabbis of the 20th century, one should build a mikveh before building a synagogue in a town that has neither, and even in a town where there is a mikveh but it’s an inconvenient distance away from the community (Igros Moshe: Choshen Mishpat Chelek 1 Siman 42).

A mikveh is more important than a synagogue.

I’d say that’s pretty important.

Tl;dr: A mikveh is the conduit through which a convert becomes a part of the Jewish people. It is traditionally used to sanctify the relationship between spouses. It was required for people to go to the Temple, back when we still had it. It is extremely central to Jewish practice.

So. What does JVP have to say about it?

THE JVP MIKVEH GUIDE

The document in question is titled “Mikveh: A Purification Ritual for Personal and Collective Transformation,” by Zohar Lev Cunningham and Rebekah Erev. I am largely going to quote directly from the text and then analyze and explain it.

Now let me be clear. I’m not trying to say the authors aren’t Jewish. I’m not saying they’re bad people, or that you should attack them. I am not intending any of this as an ad hominem attack. But given the contents of this document, I do think it is fair to call this appropriative, even if it is of their own culture—in the same way someone can have internalized racism, or twist feminism into being a TERF, I would argue that this is twisting Judaism into paganism. In fact, while I use “appropriation” throughout this document, an extremely useful term that’s been coined recently is “cultural expropriation”--essentially, appropriative actions done by rogue members of the community in question. One example of this would be the Kabbalah Centre in Los Angeles, which is the source of a lot of the Madonna-style “pop Kabbalah.” It was founded by an Orthodox Jewish couple, but it and its followers are widely criticized by most Jewish communities. In much the same way, the Guide is expropriation. 

We start off with a note from the authors.

Hello, Welcome to the Simple Mikveh Guide. This work comes out of many years of reclaiming and re-visioning mikveh. The intention of this guide is to acknowledge and give some context to what mikveh is, provide resources related to mainstream understanding of mikveh and also provide alternative mikveh ideas. Blessings for enjoyment of this wonderful, simple Jewish ritual! Zohar Lev Cunningham & Rebekah Erev

This is fairly normal, though “alternative mikveh ideas” is a bit odd to say. I also find “blessings for enjoyment” to be odd phrasing, somewhat reminiscent of the Wiccan “Blessed Be,” but it could be a typo.

The first main section is titled “Intro to Mikveh,” and begins as follows:

Mikveh is an ancient Jewish ritual practice of water immersion, traditionally used for cleansing, purification, and transformation. It's been conventionally used for conversion to Judaism, for brides, and for niddah, the practice of cleansing after menstruation.

This is relatively accurate, and credit where credit is due avoids making niddah out to be patriarchal BS. I do object slightly to “purify” as a translation without further explanation, as I went into above, and “cleansing” for similar reasons—it implies “dirtiness,’ which isn’t really what tum’ah is about. Also, though this is pretty minor, a bride going to the mikveh before her wedding is actually a part of the laws of niddah. I’d also note that they entirely leave out that it was important for going to the Temple in ancient times, though given this is published by JVP I’m not terribly surprised.

For Jews, water signifies the transformative moment from slavery in Egypt, through the parted Red Sea, and into freedom.

On the one hand, I suppose it’s not unreasonable to connect the Red Sea and mikveh, though I think I’d be more likely to hear it the other way around (i.e. “going through the sea was like the people immersing in a mikveh and being ‘cleansed,’ so to speak”). Though they were, rather importantly, not actually immersed in the water. However I don’t think I’d say water as a whole signifies the Splitting of the Sea. In fact, water imagery is more often used to signify the Torah, see for instance Bava Kamma 82a.

There is also a mystical connection to mikveh as a metaphor for the womb of the divine.

A mikveh being like a womb is also not uncommon. It’s found in the Reishis Chochmah (Shia’ar HaAhavah 11,58) and the writing of Rabbi Aryeh Kaplan (The Aryeh Kaplan Anthology, vol 2., p. 382; both as quoted in 50 Mikvahs That Shaped History, by Rabbi Ephraim Meth), see also “The Mikveh’s Significance in Traditional Conversion” by Rabbi Maurice Lamm on myjewishlearning. Filled with water, you float in it, you emerge a new being (at least for conversion); it’s not an absurd comparison to draw. I’m not sure I’ve found anything for the Womb of the Divine specifically, though. (Also, Divine should definitely be capitalized.)

Entering a mikveh is a transformative and healing experience and we have long wondered why it is not available to more people, including the significant trans and queer populations in Jewish communities.

So. I am NOT going to say there’s no problem with homophobia and/or transphobia in Jewish communities. It’s definitely a community issue, and many communities are grappling with it in various ways as we speak. And I’m certainly not going to say the authors didn’t have the experience of not having a mikveh available to them—I don’t know their lives, I’m not going to police their experiences.

However, while Orthodox mikvahs are often still restricted to married women (who by virtue of the community will generally be cis and married to men) and potentially adult men (given the resources and customs, as mentioned above), there are plenty of more liberal mikva’ot these days. Some even explicitly offer rituals for queer events! The list of reasons to go to the mikvah linked up above, for instance, includes:

(Mayyim Hayyim, “Immersion Ceremonies”)

Again, that’s not to say there aren’t issues of queerphobia in the Jewish community, but if you are queer and want to go to the mikvah, there are options out there. If you’re looking, I’ve included some links at the end.

When we make ritual, we are working with the divine forces of presence and intention. The magic of mikveh comes in making contact with water. Contact with water marks a threshold and functions as a portal to bring closer our ritual intention/the world to come.

This is…a weird way to put things. I would say this is the start of the red flags. “When we make ritual,” first of all, is, to quote @the-library-alcove (who helped edit this), “a turn of phrase that is not typically associated with any branch of Jewish practice; we have a lot--a LOT--of rituals, and while it's certainly not completely outside of the realm of Jewish vernacular, the tone here, especially in light of the later sections, starts veering towards the vernacular of neo-paganism.” One might say “make kiddush” (the blessing over wine on Shabbos and holidays) or “make motzi” (the blessing over bread), but not generally “make ritual.”

The next section is titled “Who Gets to Do Mikveh?” Their answer:

Everyone! Mikveh practice is available to all of us as a healing tool at any time.

The healing tool part isn’t the original purpose of mikveh, but there are some who have used it as a part of emotional recovery from something traumatic, by marking a new state of being free from whatever caused it, see for instance Mayyim Hayyim’s list linked above.

The “everyone” bit is a little more complicated. To explain why, we’re going to skip ahead a little. (Some of these quotes will also be analyzed in full later.)

We want to make mikveh practice available as a tool to all Jews and non-Jews who want to heal wounds caused by white supremacy and colonialism. [..] To us, a queer mikveh welcomes anyone, regardless of spiritual background or not. […] Queer mikveh is accessible physically and spiritually to any and all people who are curious about it. You don't have to be a practicing Jew to enter queer mikveh. You don't have to be Jewish. (pg. 2, emphasis added)

Now, I am told there are mikva’ot that allow non-Jews to immerse. I have yet to find them, so I don’t know what rituals they allow non-Jews to do. I also haven’t been able to find any resources on non-Jews being allowed to immerse. I have found quite a few that explicitly prohibit it. If there are any sources you know of, please send them to me! I’d love to see them! But so far everything I have come across has said that mikvah immersion is a closed practice that only Jews can participate in. (Technically, to quote the lovely @etz-ashashiot, any non-Jew can do mikvah…once. And they won’t be non-Jews when they emerge. There is also one very extreme edge-case, which is absolutely not mainstream knowledge or practice, and basically isn’t actually done. You can message me if you’re curious, but it’s really not relevant to this–and even in that case, it is preferable to use a natural mikvah rather than a man-made one.)

If there are any legitimate sources that allow non-Jews to do a mikvah ritual, I would assume said non-Jews would be required to be respectful about it. Unfortunately, this is how the paragraph we began with continues:

Who Gets to Do Mikveh? Everyone! Mikveh practice is available to all of us as a healing tool at any time. You don't need any credentials. Your own wisdom is all the power you need to be a Jewish ritual leader. (emphasis added)

This is where we really go off the rails. First of all, you need more than “wisdom” to lead a Jewish ritual. You need to actually know what you’re doing. You can’t just say “oh you know what I feel like the right thing to do for morning prayers is to pray to the sun, because God created the sun so the sun is worth worshiping, and this is a Jewish ritual I’m doing.” That’s just idolatry. Like straight up I stole that from a midrash (oral tradition) about how humanity went from speaking with God in the Garden of Eden to worshiping idols in the time of Noah (given here by Maimonides; note that it continues for a few paragraphs after the one this link sends you to).

Second of all, this is particularly bad given this guide is explicitly to Jews and non-Jews. As @daughter-of-stories put it when she was going over an earlier draft of this analysis, “they are saying that non-Jews can just declare themselves Jewish ritual leaders based on nothing but their own ‘wisdom.’”

I hope I don’t need to explain why that’s extremely bad and gross?

While we’re on the topic of non-Jews using a mikvah, let’s take a moment to address an accusation commonly mentioned alongside the mikvah guide: that JVP also encourages (or encouraged) self-conversion.

I have been unable to find a separate document where they explicitly said so, or an older version of this document that does. This leads me to believe that either a) the accusation came from a misreading of this document, or b) there was a previous document that contained it which has since been deleted but was not archived in the Wayback Machine. EITHER is possible.

Even in the case that there was no such document, however, I would point out that such a suggestion can be read–intentionally or not–as implicit in this document. This is a guide for mikvah use by both Jews and non-Jews, and includes an idea that non-Jews can perform Jewish rituals on their own without any guidance or even background knowledge, as quoted above. Why would a non-Jew, coming into Jewish practice with very little knowledge, go looking to perform a mikvah ritual?

I would wager that the most well-known purpose of immersing in a mikvah is for the purpose of conversion.

Nowhere in this guide is there any explicit statement that you can do a self-conversion, but it also doesn’t say anywhere that you can’t, or that doing so is an exception to “you don’t need any credentials” or “your own wisdom is all the power you need to be a Jewish ritual leader.” It may not be their intention, but the phrasing clearly leaves it as an option.

Even if this were from a source that one otherwise loved, this would be upsetting and disappointing. The amount of exposure this document is getting may be at least in part because it comes from JVP, but the distress and dismay would be there regardless. If there is further vitriol, it’s only because JVP is often considered a legitimate source by outsiders, if no one else–in other words, by the very people least likely to have the background to know that this document isn’t trustworthy. It’s like the difference between your cousin telling you “the Aztecs were abducted by aliens” versus a mainstream news program like Fox reporting it. Both are frustrating and wrong, but one has significantly more potential harm than the other, and therefore is more likely to get widespread criticism (even if you complain about your cousin online).

On the other hand, as one of my editors pointed out in a moment of dark humor, they do say you don’t have to be Jewish to lead a Jewish ritual, so perhaps that mitigates this issue slightly by taking away a motivation to convert in the first place.

Returning to our document:

We do mikvahs in lakes, rivers, bathtubs, showers, outside in the rain, from teacups, and in our imaginations.

At this point the rails are but a distant memory.

In case you’ve forgotten what I said about this at the beginning of this post (and honestly I wouldn’t blame you, we’re on pg. 9 in my draft of this), there are extremely strict rules about what qualifies as a mikvah. Maimonides’s Mishnah Torah, just about the most comprehensive codex of Jewish law, has eleven chapters on the topic of the mikvah (though that includes immersion in it as well as construction of it). I’m not going to make you read through it, but let’s go through the list in this sentence:

Lakes and rivers: you might be able to use a river or lake as a mikvah, but you need to check with your local rabbinical authority, because not all of them qualify. In general, the waters must gather together naturally, from an underground spring or rainwater. In the latter case, the waters must be stationary rather than flowing. A river that dries up in a drought can’t be used, for instance. (The ocean counts as a spring, for this purpose.)

Bathtubs and showers: No. A man-made mikveh must be built into the ground or as an essential part of a building, unlike most bathtubs, and contain of a minimum of 200 gallons of rainwater, gathered and siphoned in a very particular way so as not to let it legally become “groundwater.” Also, it needs to be something you can immerse in, which a shower is not.

Outside in the rain: No? How would you even do that?? What??

Teacups: Even if you were Thumblina or K’tonton (Jewish Tom Thumb), and could actually immerse your entire body in a teacup, it wouldn’t be a kosher mikvah as a mivkah can’t be portable.

In your imagination: Obviously not, what the heck are you even talking about

We will (unfortunately) be coming back to the teacup thing, but for now suffice it to say most of these are extremely Not A Thing.

Mikveh has been continually practiced since ancient Judaism. It is an offering of unbroken Jewish lineage that we have claimed/reclaimed as our own.

I find the use of “claimed/reclaimed” fascinating here, given this guide is explicitly for non-Jews—who, whether or not they are permitted to use a mikvah, certainly shouldn’t be claiming it as their own—as well as Jews. I find it particularly interesting given the lack of clarity of how much of JVP’s membership is actually Jewish and JVP’s history of encouraging non-Jewish members to post “as Jews.” Kind of telling on yourselves a bit, there.

(Once again, I’m not commenting on the authors themselves, but the organization they represent here and the audience they are speaking to/for.)

We want to make mikveh practice available as a tool to all Jews and non-Jews who want to heal wounds caused by white supremacy and colonialism. We want to make mikveh practice available for healing our bodies, spirits, and the earth.

Setting aside the “Jews and non-Jews” thing, since I talked about that earlier and this is already extremely long, I do want to highlight the end of the paragraph. While there are some modern uses of the mikvah to (sort of) heal the spirit, I haven’t heard of anyone using a mikvah to heal the body—as a general rule Jews don’t tend to do faith healing, though of course some sects are the exception. Healing the earth, however, is absolutely not a use of a mikvah. Mikvah rituals, as we’ve now mentioned several times, are about tahara of a person or an object, and require immersion. You can’t immerse the earth in a mikvah. The earth contains mikva’ot. Healing the earth with a mikvah is a very strange worship (IYKYK).

We acknowledge that not all beings have consistent access to water, including Palestinians.

This is a tragedy, no question. I don't mean to minimize that. However, it is also unrelated to the matter at hand. The Guide also doesn’t give any recommendations on how we can help improve water access, so this lip service is all you get.

A lack of water does not make mikveh practice inaccessible.

Yes, in fact, it does. Without a kosher mikvah of one variety or another one cannot do anything that requires a mikvah. That’s why building a kosher one is so important. I haven’t gone looking for it, but while I’m sure there’s lots (and lots and lots and lots) of Rabbinic responsa out there of what to do in drought situations, you definitely do need water in all but the most extreme cases. If you do not have water, AYLR (Ask Your Local Rabbi)--don’t do whatever this is.

The spirit of water can be present with us if we choose to call for water, so even when water is not physically available to us we can engage in mikveh practice.

This is just straight up avodah zarah (“strange worship,” i.e. idolatry) as far as I can tell. The “spirit of the water”? What? We’re not Babylonians worshiping Tiamat. What source is there for this? Is there a source??

Like all material resources, the ways water is or is not available to us is shaped by our geographic and social locations. The ways we relate to water, what we decide is clean, treyf (dirty), drinkable, bathable, how much we use, how much we save, varies depending on our experiences. We invite you to decide what is clean and holy for your own body and spiritual practice.

This is going to require some breaking down.

To start with, let’s define “treyf.” To quote myjewishlearning, “Treyf (sometimes spelled treif or treyfe) is a Yiddish word used for something that is not kosher [lit. "fit"]. The word treyf is derived from the Hebrew word treifah, which appears several times in the Bible and means 'flesh torn by beasts.' The Torah prohibits eating flesh torn by beasts, and so the word treifah came to stand in for all forbidden foods.”

You may note the lack of the word “dirty” in this definition, or any other value judgments. Myjewishlearning continues, “over time, the words kosher and treyf have been used colloquially beyond the world of food to describe anything that Jews deem fit or unfit.” While this does have something of a value judgment, it’s still not “dirty.” I can’t say why the authors chose to translate the word this way, but…I don’t like it.

Now, when it comes to what is kosher or treyf, food and drink are most certainly not based on “our experiences.” There are entire books on the rules of kashrut; it generally takes years of study to understand all the minutiae. Even as someone who was raised in a kosher household, when I worked as a mashgicha (kosher certification inspector) I needed special training. What is considered kadosh (“sacred” or “holy,”  though again that’s not a perfect translation) or tahor is also determined by very strict rules. We don’t just decide things based on “vibes.” That’s not how anything in Jewish practice works.

Water, in fact, is always kosher to drink unless it has bugs or something else treyf in it. And mikvehs aren’t even always what I’d consider “drinkable;” I always wash utensils I’ve brought to the mikvah before I use them.

We come to our next heading: What is Queer Mikveh?

What is Queer Mikveh? To us, a queer mikveh welcomes anyone, regardless of spiritual background or not.

As I’ve said above, I have yet to find a single source (seriously if you have one please send it to me) that says non-Jews can go to a mikvah. As one of my editors for this put it, “to spin appropriation of Jewish closed practices as ‘queer’ is not only icky but deeply disrespectful to actual queer Jews.”

Also, and this is not remotely the point, but “regardless of spiritual background or not” is almost incoherently poor writing.

As Jews in diaspora we want to share and use our ritual practices for healing the land and waters we are visitors on for the liberation of all beings.

I have tried to be semi-professional about this analysis, but. “Jews in the diaspora,” you say. Tell me, JVP, where are we in the diaspora from? Hm? Where are we in diaspora from? Which land do we come from? Which land are we indigenous to, JVP? Do tell.

Returning to the point, I would repeat that mikvah has nothing to do with “healing the land and waters.” It’s ritual purification of whatever is immersed in it. You want to heal the land and waters? Go to your local environmental group, and/or whoever maintains your local land and waters. Pick up trash. Start recycling. Weed invasive species. Call your government and tell them to support green energy. You want liberation for all beings? Fight bigotry—including antisemitism. Judaism believes in action—go act. Appropriating rituals from a closed religion doesn’t liberate anyone.

We have come up with this working definition and welcome feedback!

Oh good, maybe I won’t be yelled at for posting this (she said dubiously).

Queer mikveh is a ritual of Jews in diaspora. We believe the way we work for freedom for all beings is by using the gifts of our ancestors for the greatest good. We bring our rituals as gifts.

I have nothing in particular new to say about this, except that I find the idea of “bringing our rituals as gifts” for anyone to use deeply uncomfortable, given Judaism is a closed religion that strongly discourages non-Jews from joining us, and that has had literal millennia of people appropriating from us.

It acknowledges that our path is to live on lands that are not historically our peoples [sic] and we honor the Indigenous ancestors of the land we live on, doing mikveh as an anti-colonialist ritual for collective and personal liberation.

Again I would love so much for JVP to tell us which lands would historically be our people’s. What land do Jews come from, JVP? What land is it we do have a historical connection to? What land do our Indigenous ancestors come from??

And why does it have to be our path to live on lands other than that one?

Secondly, to quote the lovely @daughter-of-stories again when she was editing this, “Mikveh as anti-colonialism, aside from not being what Mikveh is, kinda implies that you can cleanse the land of the sins of colonialism. So (a) that’s just a weird bastardization of baptism since, mikveh isn’t about cleansing from sin, and (b) so does that mean the colonialism is erased? Now we don’t have to actually deal with how it affects actual indigenous people?”

I’m sure that (b) isn’t their intent, but I will say that once again they don’t give any material suggestions for how to actually liberate any collectives or persons from colonialism in this document, including any links to other pages on their own website*, which surely would have been easy enough. It comes across as very performative.

*I disagree strongly with most of their methods, but at least they are suggesting something.

Queer mikveh is a physical or spiritual space that uses the technologies of water and the Jewish practice of mikveh to mark transitions. Transition to be interpreted by individuals and individual ritual.

I have no idea what the “technologies of water” are. Also usage of a mikvah to mark transitions beyond ritual states is a fairly new innovation, as mentioned above.

Queer mikveh in it's [sic] essence honors the story of the water. The historical stories of the water we immerse in, the stories of our own bodies as water and the future story we vision [sic].

This just sounds like a pagan spinoff of baptism to me, if I’m being honest. Which would be non-Jewish in several ways.

Queer mikveh is accessible physically and spiritually to any and all people who are curious about it. You don't have to be a practicing Jew to enter queer mikveh. You don't have to be Jewish.

First off, once again whether or not non-Jews can use mikvah seems at best extremely iffy. Secondly, accessibility in mikva’ot is, as one of my editors put it, “a continual discussion.” We have records of discussions regarding access for those with physical disabilities going back at least to the 15th century (Shut Mahari Bruna, 106; as quoted in 50 Mikvahs That Shaped History by Rabbi Ephraim Meth), and in the modern era there are mikva’ot that have lifts or other accessibility aids. That said, many mikva’ot, especially older ones, are still not accessible–and many mikva’ot don’t have the money to retrofit or renovate. Mikvah.org’s directory listings (linked at the end of this) notes whether various mikva’ot are accessible, if you are looking for one in your area.  If you want to help make mikva’ot more accessible to the disabled, consider donating to an existing mikvah to help them pay for renovations or otherwise (respectfully) getting involved in the community. If you want to help make mikva’ot more accessible for non-Orthodox Jews, try donating to an open mikvah (see link to a map of Rising Tide members at the end of this essay) or other non-Orthodox mikvah.

Queer mikveh is an earth and water honoring ritual.

Not even a little. We do have (or had) rituals that honor the earth or water, at least to an extent–the Simchat Beit HaSho’evah (explanations here and here) was a celebration surrounding water; most of our holidays are harvest festivals to some extent or another; there are a large number of agricultural mitzvahs (though most can only be done in Israel, which I suppose wouldn’t work for JVP). (Note: mitzvahs are commandments and/or good deeds.) Even those, though, aren’t about the water or earth on their own, per se, but rather about honoring them as God’s gift to us. This description of mikvah sounds more Pagan or Wiccan–which is fine, but isn’t Jewish.

Queer mikveh exists whenever a queer person or queers gather to do mikveh. Every person is their own spiritual authority and has the power to create their own ritual for individual or collective healing.

Absolutely, anyone can create their own rituals for anything they want. But it probably won’t be a mikvah ritual, and it probably won’t be Jewish.

Do you know what it’s called when you make up your own ritual and claim that it’s actually a completely valid part of an established closed practice of which you aren’t part? (Remember—this document is aimed just as much at non-Jews as at Jews.)

It’s called appropriation.

With the next section, “Some Ideas for Mikveh Preparation,” we begin page three.

(Yes, we’re only on page three of seven. I’m so sorry.)

The most important part of mikveh preparation is setting an intention.

This isn’t entirely wrong, as you do have to have in mind the intention of fulfilling a mitzvah when you perform one.

Because mikveh is a ritual most used to mark transitions, you can frame your intention in that way.

To quote myself above, “usage of a mikvah to mark transitions beyond ritual states is a fairly new innovation.” I’d hardly say it is mostly used for marking transitions.

You can do journaling or talk with friends to connect with the Jewish month, Jewish holiday, Shabbat, the moon phase, and elements of the season that would support your intention.

If this were a guide for only Jews, or there was some sort of note saying this section was only for Jews, I would have less of a problem. But given neither is true, they are encouraging non-Jews to use the Jewish calendar for what is, from the rest of the descriptions in the Guide, a magical earth healing ritual.

This is 100% straight up appropriation.

The Jewish calendar is Jewish. Marking the new moon and creating a calendar was the first commandment given to us as a people, upon the exodus from Egypt. Nearly all our holidays are (aside from the harvest component, which is based on the Israeli agricultural seasons and required harvest offerings) based on specific parts of Jewish history. Passover celebrates the Exodus and our becoming a nation. Sukkot celebrates the Clouds of Glory that protected us in the desert. Shavuot celebrates being given the Torah.

According to some opinions, non-Jews literally aren’t allowed to keep Shabbat.

If you are a non-Jew and you are basing the collective earth healing ritual you have created under your own spiritual authority around Jewish holidays and calling it “mikvah,” you are appropriating Judaism.

Full stop.

This isn’t even taking into account the generally Pagan/witchy feel of the paragraph, with “moon phases” and “elements of the season.” Again, if you want to be a Pagan be a Pagan, but don’t call it Jewish.

Things only go further downhill with their next suggestion for preparation before you go to the mikvah.

Divination: A lot can be said about divination practices and Judaism.

There certainly is a lot to be said. First and foremost, there’s the fact that divination is forbidden in Judaism.

(Screenshot of Leviticus 19:26 from sefaria.org)

One method of divination they suggest is Tarot, which is a European method of cartomancy that seems to have begun somewhere in the 19th century, though the cards start showing up around the 15th. While early occultists tried to tie it to various older forms of mysticism, including Kabbalah, this was, to put it lightly, complete nonsense. (Disclaimer: this information comes from wikipedia; I’ve already spent so much time researching the mikvah stuff that I do not have the energy or interest to do a deep dive into the origin of Tarot. It isn’t Jewish, the rest is honestly just details.)

I have nothing against Tarot. I think it’s neat! The cards are often lovely! I have a couple of decks myself, and I use them for fun and card games. But divination via tarot is not Jewish. If I do any spreads, I make it very clear to anyone I’m doing it with that it is for fun and/or as a self-reflection tool, not as magic. Because that is extremely not allowed in Judaism.

The authors suggest a few decks to use, one of which is by one of the authors themselves. Another is ��The Kabbalah Deck,” which—holy appropriation, Batman!

In case anyone is unaware, Kabbalah (Jewish mysticism) is an extremely closed Jewish practice, even within Judaism. Traditionally it shouldn’t be studied by anyone who hasn’t already studied every other Jewish text (of which there are, I remind you, a lot), because it’s so easy to misinterpret. I mentioned this above briefly when explaining cultural expropriation. Pop Kabbalah (what Madonna does, what you see when they talk about “Ancient Kabbalistic Texts” on shows like Supernatural, the nonsense occultists and New-Agers like to say is “ancient Kabbalistic” whatever, it’s a wide span of appropriative BS) is gross, combining Kabbalah with Tarot is extremely gross. I’m not 100% sure, as the link in the pdf doesn’t work, but I believe they are referring to this deck by Edward Hoffman. For those of you who don’t want to click through, the Amazon description includes this:

(Screenshot from Amazon)

Returning to our text:

Another practice that's been used in Judaism for centuries is bibliomancy. You can use a book you find meaningful (or the Torah) and ask a question. Then, close your eyes, open the book to a page and place your finger down. Interpret the word or sentence you pointed at to help guide you to answer your question.

Bibliomancy with a chumash (Pentateuch) or tanach (Bible) in Jewish magic is kind of a thing, but the tradition of Jewish magic as a whole is very complicated and could be its own entirely different post. This one is already long enough. This usage of bibliomancy is clearly just appropriative new-age BS, though, especially given you can use “[any] book you find meaningful.”

Also, if you aren’t Jewish, please don’t use the Torah for ritual purposes unless you are doing it under very specific circumstances under the laws for B’nei Noach (“Children of Noah,” also called Righteous Gentiles; non-Jews who follow the 7 Noachide Laws).

Sit with your general intention or if you aren't sure, pose a question to the divination tool you are using. "What should be my intention for this mikveh?" "What needs transforming in my life?" "How can I transform my relationship with my body?"

As I hope I’ve made clear, there are very specific times when one uses a mikvah, even with more modern Open Mikvah rituals. You always know what your intention is well before going—to make yourself tahor, or mark a specific event. I’m not here to police how someone prepares mentally before they immerse—meditation is fine, even encouraged. But magic? Like this? That’s not a thing. And given the fact that divination specifically is not only discouraged but forbidden, this section in particular upset a lot of Jews who read it.

Those of us already upset by everything we’ve already covered were not comforted by how the Guide continues.

How to Prepare Physically For Mikveh: Some people like to think about entering the mikveh in the way their body was when they were born. By this we mean naked, without jewelry, with clean fingernails and brushed hair. This framing can be meaningful for many people.

We went into this at the beginning of this essay (about 6500 words ago), but this is in fact how Jewish law mandates one is required to immerse. This is certainly the case in most communities, whether you are immersing due to an obligation (as a married woman or a bride about to be married) or due to custom (as men in post-Temple practice) or due to non-traditional immersion (as someone coming out); wherever on the spectrum of observance one falls (as far as I could find). A mikvah isn’t a bath, it’s not about physical cleanliness—you must first thoroughly clean yourself, clip your nails, and brush your teeth. Nail polish and makeup are removed. There can’t be any barriers between you and the water. Most mikva’ot these days, particularly women’s mikva’ot, have preparation rooms so you can prep on site. When you immerse, you have to submerge completely—your hair can’t be floating above the water, your mouth can’t be pursed tightly, your hands can’t be clenched so the water can’t get to your palms. If you do it wrong, it doesn’t count and you have to do it again. It’s not a “framing,” it’s a ritual practice governed by ritual law.

We suggest you do mikveh in the way you feel comfortable for you and your experience.

This isn’t how this works. If you have a particularly extreme case, you can talk to a rabbi to see if there are any workarounds—for example, if excessive embarrassment would distract you from the ritual, you may be able to wear clothes that are loose enough that the water still makes contact with every millimeter of skin. But you need to consult with someone who knows the minutiae of the laws and requirements so you know if any exceptions or workarounds apply to you. That’s what a rabbi is for. That’s why they need to go to rabbinical school and get ordination. They have to study. That’s why you need to find a rabbi whose knowledge and personality you trust. For someone calling themselves a religious authority in Judaism to say “you can do whatever, no biggie” with such a critical ritual is…I’m not sure what the word I want is.

The idea is to feel vulnerable but also to claim your body as a powerful site of change that has the power to move us close to our now unrecognizable futures.

The idea is to bathe in the living waters and enter a state of taharah. Though that could be an idea you have in mind while you are doing it, I suppose. I could see at least one writer I know of saying something like this to specifically menstrual married (presumably cis) women performing Taharat HaMishpacha (family taharah, see above).

For some people, doing mikveh in drag will feel most vulnerable, with all your make-up and best attire.

Absolutely not a thing. As I said last paragraph, the goal isn’t to feel vulnerable or powerful or anything. It may feel vulnerable or powerful, but that is entirely besides the actual purpose of the ritual. What you get out of it on a personal emotional level has nothing to do with the religious goal of the religious practice.

And if you are wondering how one would submerge oneself in water in full drag, don’t worry, we’ll get there soon.

For some, wearing a cloth around your body until just before you dip is meaningful.

This is just how it’s usually done. Generally one is provided with a bathrobe, and one removes it before entering. You don’t just wander around the building naked. Or the beach, if you’re using the ocean.

If you were born intersex and your genitalia was changed without your consent, thinking about your body as perfect, however you were born, can be loving.

I’m not intersex, so I’m not going to comment on the specifics here. If you are and that’s meaningful to you, more power to you.

We enter a new section, at the top of page 4.

Where To Do Mikveh: There is much midrash around what constitutes a mikveh.

“Midrash” is not the word they want here. The midrash is the non-legal side of the oral tradition, often taking the form of allegory or parable. This is as opposed to the mishna, which is the halachic (legal) side of the oral tradition. They were both written down around the same time, but most midrashim (plural) are in their own books, rather than incorporated in the mishna.

There is, however, a great deal of rabbinic discussion, in the form of mishna, gemara, teshuvot (responsa), legal codices, and various other genres of Jewish writing. More properly this could have just said “there is much discussion around what constitutes a mikveh.”

Most mikvot currently exist in Orthodox synagogues[—]

This is perhaps a minor quibble, but I don’t know that I’d say they’re generally in synagogues. They are frequently associated with a local congregation, but are often in a separate building.

[—]but there is a growing movement to create more diverse and inclusive spaces for mikveh. Mayyim Hayyim is a wonderful resource with a physical body of water mikveh space. Immerse NYC is a newer organization training people of all genders to be mikveh guides. They also work to find gender inclusive spaces for people to do mikveh in NYC.

This is true! Mayyim Hayyim is a wonderful organization I’ve never heard anything bad about, and ImmerseNYC also seems like an excellent organization. Both also only allow Jews (in which group I am including in-process converts) to immerse.

The mikveh guides thing I didn’t explain above, so I’ll take a moment to do so here. Because the rules of immersion are so strict, and because it’s hard to tell if you are completely immersed when you are underwater, most mikva’ot have a guide helping you. Depending on the circumstance and the mikvah, and depending on the patron’s comfort, who and how they do their jobs can differ somewhat. For a woman immersing after niddah, it will usually be another woman who will hold up the towel or bathrobe for you while you get in the water, and will only look from behind it once you are immersed to make sure you are completely submerged. If you are converting, customs vary. Some communities require men to witness the immersion regardless of the convert’s gender, which is very much an ongoing discussion in those communities. Even in those cases, to my knowledge they will only look once the convert is in the water, and there will likely still be a female attendant if the convert is a woman. While there are negative experiences people have had, it is very much an intra-community issue. We’re working on it.

Mikveh can be done in a natural body of water.

Again, this is true, though not all bodies of water work, so AYLR (Ask Your Local Rabbi).

Some people are also making swimming pools holy places of mikveh.

We’ve already explained above why this is nonsense.

In the Mishneh (the book that makes commentary on the torah [sic]) there are arguments as to what constitutes a mikveh and how much water from a spring or well or rainwater must be present.

The main issue in this section is their definition of the Mishneh. As I explained above, the Mishna (same thing, transliteration is not an exact science) is the major compilation of the Oral Torah, the oral tradition that was written down by Rabbi Judah Ha-Nasi so it wouldn’t be lost in the face of exile and assimilation. It’s not so much a commentary on the (Written) Torah as an expansion of it to extrapolate the religious laws we follow. It’s certainly not “the book that makes commentary on the Torah.” We have literally hundreds of books of commentary. That’s probably underestimating. Jews have been around for a long time, and we have been analyzing and discussing the Torah for nearly as long. There are so many commentaries on the Torah.

The second issue is that while there are arguments in the Mishna and Gemara (the oral discussion on the Mishna that was written down even later), they do generally result in a final decision of some sort. Usually whichever side has the majority wins. Variations between communities are still very much a thing, and I can explain why in another post if people are interested, but there usually is a base agreement.

We are of the school that says you decide for yourself what works.

The phrasing they use here makes it sound as though that’s a legitimate opinion in the Mishnah. I cannot emphasize how much that is not the case. While I myself have not finished learning the entire Mishnah, I would be willing to wager a great deal that “whatever works for you” isn’t a stance on any legal matter there. That’s just not how it works. While some modern branches of Judaism may have that as a position, it is definitely not Mishnaic.

If you are concerned about Jewish law, the ocean is always a good choice. There are no conflicting arguments about the ocean as a mikveh. As the wise maggid Jhos Singer says in reference to the ocean, "It's [sic] becomes a mikveh when we call it a mikveh." Done.

(To clarify, I don’t know if that typo was carried over from the source of the original quote or not.)

This is true. However if you are concerned about Jewish law I would very much urge you to look to other sources than this one—be that your local rabbi or rebbetzen, the staff at your local mikvah, or a reliable website that actually goes into the proper requirements. If you want to use a mikveh according to Jewish law, please do not use this document as your guide.

We recognize immersion in water does not work for every body. Therefore, a guiding principle for where to do a mikveh is: do a mikveh in a place that is sacred to you. Your body is always holy and your body is made of mostly water. Later in this guide there is more information on mikveh with no immersion required.

I cannot emphasize how much I have never once heard this before. This, to me, reads like New Age nonsense. If you are unable to immerse in a mikvah, talk to your rabbi. Don’t do…whatever this is.

Our next section is a short one.

Who To Do it With: Do mikveh with people you feel comfortable with and supported by.

This is fine, though many mikva’ot (perhaps even most) will only allow one person to immerse at a time.

Do a solo mikveh and ask the earth body to be your witness.

With this, we return to the strange smattering of neo-Paganism. The “earth body” is not a thing. Yes, the Earth is called as a witness in the Bible at least once. It’s poetic. You also, unless you are converting, don’t actually need a witness anyway. A mikvah attendant or guide is there to help you—if you were somewhere without one, you could still immerse for niddah or various customary purposes.

Do mikveh with people who share some of your vision for collective healing.

As I’ve said before in this essay, collective healing is not the point of a mikvah. If you are Jewish and want to pray for healing, there are plenty of legitimate places for this–the Shemonah Esrei has a prayer for healing and a prayer where you can insert any personal prayers you want; there’s a communal prayer for healing after the Torah reading. You can give charity or recite a psalm or do a mitzvah with the person in mind. You can also just do a personal private prayer with any words you like, a la Hannah, or if you want pre-written words find an appropriate techinah (not the sesame stuff). If you want to work towards collective liberation, volunteer. Learn the laws of interpersonal mitzvot, like lashon hara (literally “evil speech,” mostly gossip or libel). Connect fighting oppression to loving your neighbor or the Passover seder. We have tons of places for this–mikvah isn’t one of them.

Next segment.

What To Bring to A Mikveh: 1. Intentions for the ritual for yourself and/or the collective.

See previous points on intention.

2. Items for the altar from your cultural background[…] (emphasis mine)

If I wasn’t appalled by the “immersing in makeup” or the “do divination first,” this would be the place that got me. This is wrong on so many levels.

One is not allowed to have an altar outside of The Temple in Jerusalem, the one we currently do not have. It’s an extremely big deal. One is not allowed to make sacrifices outside of the Temple. Period. This is emphasized again and again in the Torah and other texts. Even when we had a Temple, there were no altars in a mikvah.

And you certainly couldn’t offer anything in the Temple while naked, as one is required to be when immersing in the mikvah.

Even when we did bring offerings to altars (the Bronze Altar or the Gold Altar, both of which were in the Temple and which only qualified priests in a state of tahara could perform offerings on), the offerings were very specifically mandated, as per the Torah and those other texts. Even when non-Jews gave offerings (as did happen) they were required to comply. You couldn’t just bring any item from your cultural background. This is paganism, plain and simple.

Now, again, let me be clear: if you’re pagan, I have no problem with you. My problem is when one tries to take a sacred practice from a closed religion and try to co-opt it as one’s own. It’s a problem when someone who isn’t Native American decides to smudge their room with white sage, and it’s a problem when someone who isn’t Jewish tries to turn a mikvah into a pagan cleansing rite. And even if the person doing it is Jewish--I have an issue when it’s Messianics who were born Jewish, and I have an issue when it’s pagans who were born the same. Either way, whether you intend to or not, you are participating in appropriation or expropriation.

Which makes the line that follows this point so deeply ironic I can’t decide if I’m furious or heartbroken.

After suggesting that the reader (who may or may not be Jewish) bring items for an altar to a mikvah, the Guide asks:

[…] (please do not bring appropriated items from cultures that are not yours).

Which is simply just... beyond parody. To quote one of my editors, “This is quickly approaching the level of being a new definition for the Yiddish word 'Chutzpah,' which is traditionally defined as 'absurdist audacity' in line with 'Chutzpah is a man who brutally murders both of his parents and then pleads with the judge for leniency because he is now an orphan bereft of parental guidance.' If not for the involved nature of explaining the full context, I would submit this as a potential new illustrative example.”

The next suggestion of what to bring is

3. Warm clothes, towels, warm drinks

All these are reasonable enough, though most mikva’ot provide towels. Some also provide snacks, for while you are preparing. They may also not allow you to bring in outside food.

4. Your spirit of love, healing, and resistance

This, again, has nothing to do with mikvah. The only spirit of resistance in a mikvah is the fact that we continue to do it despite millennia of attempts to stop us. Additionally, to me at least “a spirit of love” feels very culturally-Christian.

Our next section is titled “How to Make Mikveh a Non-Zionist Ritual.”

Right off the bat, I have an issue with this concept. Putting aside for a moment whatever one may think of Zionism as a philosophy, my main problem here is that mikvah has nothing at all to do with Zionism. In Orthodoxy, at least, Jews who are against Zionism on religious grounds perform the mitzvah the same way passionately Zionist Jews do, with the same meanings and intentions behind it. It is performed the same way in Israel and out, and has been more or less the same for the last several thousand years. It is about ritual purification and sanctification of the mundane, no more and no less.

There is a word for saying anything and everything Jewish is actually about the modern Israel/Palestine conflict, simply because it’s Jewish.

That word is antisemitism.

How to Make Mikveh a Non-Zionist Ritual: Reject all colonial projects by learning about, naming & honoring, and materially supporting the communities indigenous to the land where you hold your mikveh. Name and thank the Indigenous people of the land you are going to do your mikveh on.

If you removed the “non-Zionist” description, this would be mostly unobjectionable. We should absolutely help indigenous communities. The framing of “reject all colonial projects” does seem to suggest that there is something colonial about the usual practice of going to the mikvah, though. I would argue that the mikvah is, in fact, anti-colonial if anything—it is the practice of a consistently oppressed minority ethno-religion which has kept it in practice despite the best efforts of multiple empires. Additionally, while Zionism means many different things to those who believe in it, at its root most Zionists (myself included) define it as “the belief that Jews have a right to self-determination in our indigenous homeland.” Our indigenous homeland being, of course, the land of Israel. (This is different from the State of Israel, which is the modern country on that land.) If you are a Jew in Israel, one of the indigenous peoples of the land your mikvah is on is your own. That’s not to say there aren’t others—but to claim Jews aren’t indigenous to the region is to be either misinformed or disingenuous.

Take the time to vision [sic] our world to come in which Palestine and all people are free.

I really, really dislike how they use the concept of The World To Come here. The Jewish idea of The World To Come (AKA the Messianic Age) is one where the Messiah has come, the Temple has been rebuilt, and the Davidic dynastic monarchy has been re-established in the land of Israel. Arguably that’s the most Zionist vision imaginable. This isn’t to say that all people, Palestinians included, won’t be free—true peace and harmony are also generally accepted features of the Messianic Age. But using the phrase in making something “non-Zionist” is, at the very least, in extremely poor taste. (As a side note, even religious non-Zionists believe in this–that’s actually why most of them are against the State of Israel, as they believe we can’t have sovereignty until the Messiah comes. They do generally believe we will eventually have sovereignty, just that now isn’t the time for it.)

Hold and explore this vision intimately as you prepare to immerse. What is one action you can take to bring this future world closer? Trust that your vision is collaborating with countless others doing this work.

Having a “vision” of a world where all are free isn’t doing any of the work to accomplish it. A “vision” can’t collaborate. At least not in Judaism. This sounds like one is trying to manifest the change through force of will, which is something directly out of the New Age faith movement, where it is known as “Creative Visualization.” Even when we do have a concept of bringing about something positive through an unrelated action–like saying psalms for someone who is sick–the idea is that you are doing a mitzvah on their behalf, to add to their merits counted in their favor. It’s not a form of magic or invocation of some mystical energy.

(Once again: I have nothing against pagans. But paganism is incompatible with Judaism. You can’t be both, any more than you can be Jewish and Christian.)

Use mikveh practice to ground into your contribution to the abundant work for liberation being done. We are many.

If you will once more pardon a brief switch to a casual tone:

Nothing says liberation like *checks notes* appropriating a minority cultural practice.

The next section of their document is titled “Ideas for Mikveh Ritual,” and this is where the Neo-Pagan and New Age influences of the authors truly shift from the background to the foreground.  

We start off deceptively reasonably.

Mikveh ritual is potentially very simple. Generally people consider a mikveh to be a full immersion in water, where you are floating in the water, not touching the bottom, with no part of the body above the surface (including the hair).

Technically, most people consider a mikveh to be a ritual bath (noun) in which one performs various Jewish ritual immersions. But if we set this aside as a typo, this is…fairly true. What they are describing is how one is supposed to perform the mitzvah of mikveh immersion. However, in much the same way I wouldn’t say “generally people consider baseball to be a game where you hit a ball with a bat and run around a diamond,” I wouldn’t say it’s a case of “generally people consider” so much as “this is what it is.”

This works for some people. It doesn't work for everyone and it doesn't work for all bodies. Because of this, mikveh ritual can be expanded outside of these traditional confines in exciting, creative ways.

Once again, if you are incapable of performing mikvah immersion in the proper manner, please go speak with a rabbi. Please do not follow this guide.

Before we continue, I would just like to assure you that. whatever “exciting, creative ways” you might be imagining the authors have come up with, this is so much worse.

Method One:

Sound Mikveh: One way that's felt very meaningful for many is a "sound mikveh." This can be a group of people toning, harmonizing, or chanting in a circle. One person at a time can be in the center of the circle and feel the vibrations of healing sound wash over their body. Another method of sound mikveh is to use a shofar or other instrument of your lineage to made [sic] sounds that reach a body of water and also wash over you.

This makes me so uncomfortable I barely have the words to describe it, and I know that I am not alone in this. This is not a mikvah. If someone wants to do some sort of sound-based healing ritual, by all means go ahead, but do not call it a mikvah. This is not Jewish. I don’t know what this is, aside from deeply offensive.

And leave that poor shofar out of this. That ram did not give his horn for this nonsense.

(I could go on about the actual sacred purpose of a shofar and all the rules and reasons behind it that expand upon this, but this is already over 9000 words.)

Method Two is, if anything, worse. This is the one, if you’ve seen social media posts about this topic, you have most likely seen people going nuts about.

Tea Cup Mikveh: Fill a special teacup. If you want, add flower essence, a small stone, or other special elements. Sing the teacup a sweet song, dance around it, cry in some tears, tell the cup a tender and hopeful story, hold the teacup above the body of your animal friend for extra blessing, balance it on your head to call in your highest self. Use the holy contents of this teacup to make contact with water.

This is absolutely 100% straight-up neo-pagan/New Age mysticism. Nothing about this is based on Jewish practice of any kind. Again, I’m at a loss for words of how to explain just how antithetical this is. If you want to be a witch, go ahead and be a witch. But do not call it Jewish. Leave Judaism out of this.

They end this suggestion with the cute comment,

Mikveh to go. We’ve always been people on the move.

Let me explain why this “fun” little comment fills me with rage. 

As you may recall, this document was published by Jewish Voice for Peace. Among their various other acts of promoting and justifying antisemitism, JVP has repeatedly engaged in historical revisionism regarding Jews and Jewish history. In this context, they have repeatedly ignored the numerous expulsions of Jews from various countries, and blaming sinister Zionist plots to explain any movement of expelled Jews to Israel (“In the early 1950s, starting two years after the Nakba, the Israeli government facilitated a mass immigration of Mizrahim,” from “Our Approach to Zionism” on the JVP website; see @is-the-thing-actually-jewish’s post on JVP and the posts linked from there).

So a document published by JVP framing Jewish movement as some form of free spirited 1970s-esque Bohemian lifestyle or the result of us being busy movers-and-shakers is a direct slap in the face to the persecution we’ve faced as a people and society.  No, we aren’t “on the move” because we’re hippies wandering where the wind takes us . We’re always on the move because we keep getting kicked out and/or hate-crimed until we leave.

But there is no Jew-hatred in Ba Sing Se.

Method three:

Fermentation Mikveh: Some food goes through natural changes by being immersed in water. If we eat that food, we can symbolically go through a change similar to the one the food went through.

Again, this has no basis anywhere in halacha. We do have concepts of “you are what you eat,” specifically with reference to what animals and birds are kosher, but there isn’t any food that makes you tahor if you eat it. In the Temple days there were, in fact, foods you couldn’t eat unless you were tahor.

Jews may like pickles, but that doesn’t mean we think they purify you.

Also, the change from fermentation is, if anything, the opposite of the change we would want. Leavening (rising in dough or batter, due to the fermentation of yeast) is compared in rabbinic writings to arrogance and ego, as opposed to the humility of matza, the “poor man’s bread” (see here, for example). Is the suggestion here to become more egotistical?

As we wrap up this section, I’d like to go back to their stated reason for using these “alternative” methods (“It doesn't work for everyone and it doesn't work for all bodies”), and ask: if these really were the only options for immersion, would these really fill that same spiritual need/niche? These obviously aren’t aimed at me, but from my perspective it seems almost condescending, almost worse. “You can’t do the real thing, so we’ll make up something to make you feel better.” If any of them had an actual basis in Jewish practice, that would be one thing, but this just feels…fake, to me. Even within more liberal / less traditional streams of Judaism, there is a connection to halacha: 

“We each (if we are knowledgeable about the tradition, if we confront it seriously and take its claims and its wisdom seriously) have the ability, the freedom, indeed the responsibility to come to a [potentially differing] personal understanding of what God wants us to do… [Halacha] is a record of how our people, in widely differing times, places and societal circumstances, experienced God's presence in their lives, and responded. Each aspect of halacha is a possible gateway to experience of the holy, the spiritual. Each aspect worked for some Jews, once upon a time, somewhere in our history. Each, therefore, has the potential to open up holiness for people in our time as well, and for me personally. However, each does not have equal claim on us, on me…Portions of the halacha whose main purpose seems to be to distance us from our surroundings no longer seem functional. Yet some parts of the halachic tradition seem perfect correctives to the imbalances of life in modernity…In those parts of tradition, we are sometimes blessed to experience a sense of God's closeness. In my personal life, I emphasize those areas. And other areas of halacha, I de-emphasize, or sometimes abandon. Reform Judaism affirms my right, our right, to make those kinds of choices.” – Rabbi Ramie Arian

“[Traditional Reconstructionist Jews] believe that moral and spiritual faculties are actualized best when the individual makes conscious choices…The individual’s choices, however, can and should not be made alone. Our ethical values and ritual propensities are shaped by the culture and community in which we live. Living a Jewish life, according to the Reconstructionist understanding, means belonging to the Jewish people as a whole and to a particular community of Jews, through which our views of life are shaped. Thus, while Reconstructionist communities are neither authoritarian nor coercive, they aspire to influence the individual’s ethical and ritual choices–through study of Jewish sources, through the sharing of values and experiences, and through the impact of the climate of communal opinion on the individual. …While we may share certain values and life situations, no two sets of circumstances are identical. We hope that the Reconstructionist process works to help people find the right answers for themselves, but we can only assist in helping individuals to ask the right questions so that their choices are made in an informed way within a Jewish context. To be true to ourselves we must understand the differences in perception between us and those who have gone before, while retaining a reverence for the traditions they fashioned. If we can juxtapose those things, we ensure that the past will have [in the phrase of Reconstructionism’s founder, Mordecai Kaplan,] a vote, but not a veto.” – Rabbi Jacob J. Straub (Note: the Reconstructionist movement was founded in the late 1920s, and has gone through a very large shift in the past decade or so. I use “Traditional” here to refer to the original version of the movement as opposed to those who have shifted. Both are still called Reconstructionist, so it’s a bit confusing. This is on the advice of one of my editors, who is themself Traditional Reconstructionist.)

You may note, neither of these talk about inventing things from whole cloth. To paraphrase one of my editors, “You don’t completely abandon [halacha], because if you did how would you have a cohesive community? Even in a ‘do what’s meaningful’ framework, you’re taking from the buffet, not bringing something to a potluck. Even if you don’t see halacha as binding, there are limits.”

(Again, disclaimer that the above knowledge of non-Orthodox movements comes from my editors, and any errors are mine.)

The next section is “Prayers for Mikveh.”

As a note, I’m going to censor the names of God when I quote actual blessings, as per traditional/Halachic practice. I’ll be putting brackets to indicate my alterations.

I’m not going to go much into detail here, because frankly my Hebrew isn’t good enough, and the six different people I asked for help gave me at least six different answers, but I will touch on it a bit.

First, the Guide gives a link to an article on Traditional Mikveh Blessings from Ritualwell (here is a link on the Wayback Machine, since the original requires you to make an account). Ritualwell is a Reconstructionist Jewish website, and accepts reviewed submissions. Here is their about page. The blessings on this page, as far as I know, are in fact exactly what it says on the tin. I’m not sure the first one, asher kidshanu b’mitzvotav v’tzivanu al ha-t’vilah, is said for non-obligatory immersions (i.e. not for niddah or conversion), as it is literally a blessing on the commandment. The second blessing at that link is Shehecheyanu, which the Guide also suggests as a good prayer. This is the traditional form of the blessing, given at Ritualwell:

Baruch Atah Ado[-]nai Elo[k]eynu Melech Ha-Olam shehekheyanu v’kiyimanu v’higiyanu lazman hazeh.

Blessed are You, [LORD] our God, Monarch of the universe, Who has kept us alive and sustained us, and brought us to this season.

(As a quick note, you may notice this is not quite how they translate it on Ritualwell–I have no idea why they say “kept me alive,” as it’s definitely “us” in the Hebrew. There’s a long tradition, in fact, of praying for the community rather than ourselves as an individual, but that’s not the point of this post.)

The Guide, however, gives an alternate form:

B’rucha At y[-]a Elo[k]eynu Ruakh haolam shehekheyatnu v’kiyimatnu v’higiyatnu lazman hazeh. You are Blessed, Our God, Spirit of the World, who has kept us in life and sustained us, enabling us to reach this season.

Under the assumption that most of you don’t know Hebrew, I’m going to break this down further. The main difference between these two is grammatical gender–the traditional blessing uses masculine forms, which is common when referring to God. However, while there are often masculine descriptions of God, it is worth noting that Hashem is very specifically not a “man”--God is genderless and beyond our comprehension, and masculine is also used in Hebrew for neutral or unspecified gender. A whole discussion of gender and language is also beyond the scope of this post, but for now let’s leave it at: changing the gender for God in prayer is pretty common among less traditional Jews, and that’s fine. Some of the changes they make (or don’t make) here are interesting, though. The two letter name of God they switch to is–despite ending in a hey (the “h” letter)–not feminine grammatically feminine. I’m told, however, that some progressive circles consider it neutral because it “sounds feminine.” “Elo-keynu” is also grammatically masculine, but a) that’s used for neuter in Hebrew and b) it’s also technically plural, so maybe they didn’t feel the need to change it. Though if that’s the case I would also have thought that Ado-nai (the tetragrammaton) would be fine, as it’s also technically male in the same way. I’m also not sure why they didn’t just change ”Melech HaOlam” to “Malkah HaOlam,” which would be the feminine form of the original words, but perhaps they were avoiding language of monarchy. It’s apparently a not uncommon thing to change.

One of the responses I got said the vowels in the verbs were slightly off, but I can’t say much above that, for the reasons given at the beginning of this section.

Also, and this is comparatively minor, the capitalization in the transliteration is bizarre. They capitalize “At” (you) and “Elo[k]eynu” (our God), but not “y[-]a…” which is the actual name of God in the blessing and should definitely be capitalized if you are capitalizing.

The Guide next gives a second blessing that can be used:

B’rucha at shekhinah eloteinu ruach ha-olam asher kid-shanu bi-tevilah b’mayyim hayyim. Blessed are You, Shekhinah, Source of Life, Who blesses us by embracing us in living waters. -Adapted by Dori Midnight 

The main thing I want to note about this is that…that’s not an accurate translation. It completely skips the word “eloteinu.” “Ruach ha-olam” means “spirit/breath of the universe/world,” not “Source of Life,” which would be “M’kor Ha-Olam,” as mentioned above. “Kid-shanu,” as she transliterates it, means “has sanctified us,” or “has made us holy,” not “blesses us”--both the tense and the word are wrong. “Bi-tevilah” doesn’t mean “embracing us,” either, it means “with immersing.” In full, the translation should be:

“Blessed are You, Shekhinah, our God, Spirit of the World, Who has sanctified us with immersion in living waters.”

The Shekhinah is an aspect/name of God(dess), though not a Name to the same level as the ones that can’t be taken in vain. It refers to the hidden Presence of God(dess) in our world, and is the feminine aspect of God(dess), inasmuch as God(dess) has gendered aspects–remember, our God(dess) is One. It’s not an unreasonable Name to use if you are trying to make a prayer specifically feminine.

(Though do be careful if you see it used in a blessing in the wild, because Messianics use it to mean the holy ghost.)

“Eloteinu” is, grammatically, the feminine form of Elokeinu (according to the fluent speakers I asked, though again I got several responses).

It is, again, odd that they don’t capitalize transliterated names of God, though here there is more of an argument that it’s a stylistic choice, Hebrew not having capital letters.

The Guide then repeats the link for Ritualwell.

Finally, we come to the last section, “Resources and Our Sources:”

First, they credit the Kohenet Institute and two of its founders. I do not want to go on a deepdive into the Kohenet Institute also, as this is already long enough, but I suppose I should say a bit.

The Kohenet Institute was a “clergy ordination program, a sisterhood / siblinghood, and an organization working to change the face of Judaism. For 18 years, Kohenet Hebrew Priestess Institutes founders, graduates and students reclaimed and innovated embodied, earth-based feminist Judaism, drawing from ways that women and other marginalized people led Jewish ritual across time and space” (Kohenet Hebrew Priestess Institute Homepage). It closed in 2023.

I have difficulty explaining my feelings about the Kohenet Institute. On the one hand, the people who founded it and were involved in it, I’m sure, were very invested in Judaism and very passionate in their belief. As with the authors of the Guide, I do not mean to attack them–I’m sure they’re lovely people.

On the other, I have trouble finding a basis for any of their practices, and most of what practices I do find trouble me–again, with the caveat that I am very much not into mysticism, so take my opinion with a grain of salt.

Of the three founders, only one (Rabbi Jill Hammer) seems to have much in the way of scholarly background. Rabbi Hammer, who was ordained at the Jewish Theological Seminary (a perfectly respectable school), has at least one article where she quotes the New Testament and a Roman satirist making fun of a Jewish begger who interpret dreams for money as proof “that Jewish prophetesses existed in Roman times,” which to me at least seems like saying that the Roma have a tradition of seeresses based on racist caricatures of what they had to do to survive, if you’ll pardon the comparison. In the same article, she says that Sarah and Abigail, who are listed in the Talmud as prophetesses “are not actually prophetesses as I conceptualize them here,” (pg 106) but that “abolitionist Ernestine Rose, anarchist Emma Goldman, and feminist Betty Friedan stand in the prophetic tradition.” Given God says explicitly in the text, “Regarding all that Sarah tells you, listen to her voice” (Genesis 21:12), I have no idea where she gets this.

The second founder, Taya Mâ Shere, describes the Institute on her website as “spiritual leadership training for women & genderqueer folk embracing the Goddess in a Jewish context,” which to me is blatantly what I and some of my editors have taken to calling Jews For Lilith. Now, it is possible this is a typo. However assuming it is not, and it would be a weird typo to have, this rather clearly reads as “the Goddess” being something one is adding a Jewish context to–which is exactly what I mean when I say this guide is taking Paganism and sprinkling a little Judaism on it. If it had said “embracing Goddess in a Jewish context,” I’d have no problem (aside from weird phrasing)--but “the Goddess” is very much a “divine feminine neo-pagan” kind of thing. We don’t say “the God” in Judaism, or at least I’ve never heard anyone do so. We just say God (or Goddess), because there’s only the one. In fact, according to this article, she returned to Judaism from neo-Paganism, and “began to combine the Goddess-centered practices she had co-created in Philadelphia with what she was learning from teachers in the Jewish Renewal movement, applying her use of the term Goddess to Judaism’s deity.” The “Goddess-centered practices” and commune in Philadelphia are described earlier in the article as “influenced by Wiccan and Native American traditions, in ways that Shere now considers appropriative (“After Kohenet, Who Will Lead the Priestesses?” by Noah Phillips).” I’m not sure how it suddenly isn’t appropriative now, but taking the Pagan practices you were doing and now doing those exact same rituals “but Jewish” is, in fact, still Pagan.

Shere also sells “Divining Pleasure: An Oracle for SephErotic Liberation,” created by her and Bekah Starr, which is a “divination card deck and an Omer counter inviting you more deeply into your body, your pleasure and your devotion to collective liberation.”

I hate this.

I hate this so much.

For those who don’t know, the Omer is the period between the second day of Passover and the holiday of Shavuot, 50 days later. It’s named for the Omer offering that was given on Passover, and which started the count of seven weeks (and a day, the day being Shavuot). The Omer, or at least part of it, is also traditionally a period of mourning, much like the Three Weeks between the fasts of the 17th of Tammuz and the 9th of Av–we don’t have weddings, we don’t listen to live music, we don’t cut our hair. It commemorates (primarily) the deaths of 24,000 students of Rabbi Akiva in a plague (possibly a metaphor for persecution or the defeat of the Bar Kochba revolt). It is often used as a time for introspection and self-improvement, using seven of the Kabbalistic Sephirot as guides (each day of the week is given a Sephira, as is each week, so each day of the 49 is x of y, see here). It’s not, as Shere’s class “Sex and the Sephirot: A Pleasure Journey Through the Omer” puts it, a time to “engage…toward experiencing greater erotic presence, deepening our commitment to nourishing eros, and embracing ritual practices of…pleasure.”

The final of the founders, Shoshana Jedwab, seems to be primarily a musician. In her bio on her website, scholarship and teaching are almost afterthoughts. I can find nothing about her background or classes. She’s also, from what I’ve found, the creator of the “sound mikvah.”

So all in all, while I’m sure they’re lovely people, I find it difficult to believe that they are basing their Institute on actual practices, particularly given they apparently include worship of Ashera as an “authentic” Jewish practice, see the above Phillips article and this tumblr post.

The institute also lists classes they offered, which “were open to those across faith practices - no background in Judaism necessary.” If you scroll down the page, you will see one of these courses was titled “Sefer Yetzirah: Meditation, Magic, & the Cosmic Architecture.” Sefer Yetzirah, for those of you unaware, “is an ancient and foundational work of Jewish mysticism.”

You may recall my saying something some 5700 (yikes) words ago about Jewish mysticism (i.e. Kabbalah) being a closed practice.

You may see why I find the Kohenet Institute problematic.

I will grant, however, that I have not listened to their podcasts nor read their books, so it is possible they do have a basis for what they teach. From articles I’ve read, and what I’ve found on their websites, I am unconvinced.

Returning to our original document, the Guide next gives several links from Ritualwell, which I’ve already discussed above. After those, they give links to two actual mikvah organizations: Mayyim Hayyim and Immerse NYC. Both are reputable organizations, and are Open Mikvahs. Neither (at least based on their websites) seem to recommend any of the nonsense in this Guide. In fact, Mayyim Hayyim explicitly does not allow non-Jews to immerse (unless it’s to convert). ImmerseNYC has advice to create a ritual in an actually Jewish way. I would say the link to these two groups are, perhaps, the only worthwhile information in this Guide.

They then list a few “mikveh related projects,” two of which are by the writers. The first, Queer Mikveh Project, is by one of the authors, Rebekah Erev. The link they give is old and no longer works, but on Erev’s website there is information about the project. Much of the language is similar to that in this guide. The page also mentions a “mikvah” ritual done to protest the Dakota Access Pipeline, in which “the mikveh…[was] completely optional.” And, of course, there was an altar. The second project, the “Gay Bathhouse” by (I believe) the other author and Shelby Handler, is explicitly an art installation.

The final link is to this website (thanks to the tumblr anon who found it), which is the only source we’ve been able to find on Shekinah Ministries (aside from a LOT of Messianic BS from unrelated organizations of the same name). So good news–this isn’t a Messianic. Bad news, it also seems to have a shaky basis in actual Jewish practice at best. It is run by artist Reena Katz, aka Radiodress, whose MKV ritual is, like “Gay Bathhouse,” a performance project. As you can see from the pictures on Radiodress’s website (cw for non-sexual nudity and mention of bodily fluids), it is done in a clearly portable tub in a gallery. As part of the process, participants are invited to “add any material from their body,” including “spit, urine, ejaculate, menstrual blood,” “any medication, any hormones they might be taking,” and supplies Radiodress offers including something called “Malakh Shmundie,” “a healing tincture that translates to “angel pussy” made by performance artist Nomy Lamm” (quotes from “An Artist’s Ritual Bath for Trans and Queer Communities” by Caoimhe Morgan-Feir). The bath is also filled by hand, which is very much not in line with halacha. Which, if you’re doing performance art, is fine.

But this Guide is ostensibly for authentic Jewish religious practice.

And with that (aside from the acknowledgements, which I don’t feel the need to analyze), we are done. At last.

Thank you for reading this monster of a post. If you have made it this far, you and I are now Family. Grab a snack on your way out, you deserve it.

Further Reading and Resources:

https://www.mayyimhayyim.org/risingtide/members/

https://www.mikvah.org/directory

https://www.mayyimhayyim.org/

http://www.immersenyc.org/

https://aish.com/what-is-a-mikveh/

https://www.chabad.org/theJewishWoman/article_cdo/aid/1541/jewish/The-Mikvah.htm

https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/1230791/jewish/Immersion-of-Vessels-Tevilat-Keilim.htm

https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/why-immerse-in-the-mikveh/

Meth, Rabbi Ephraim. 50 Mikvahs That Shaped History. Feldheim Publishers, 2023.

[nornities]

How to use DXVK with The Sims 3

Have you seen this post about using DXVK by Criisolate? But felt intimidated by the sheer mass of facts and information?

@desiree-uk and I compiled a guide and the configuration file to make your life easier. It focuses on players not using the EA App, but it might work for those just the same. It’s definitely worth a try.

Adding this to your game installation will result in a better RAM usage. So your game is less likely to give you Error 12 or crash due to RAM issues. It does NOT give a huge performance boost, but more stability and allows for higher graphics settings in game.

The full guide behind the cut. Let me know if you also would like it as PDF.

Happy simming!

Disclaimer and Credits

Desiree and I are no tech experts and just wrote down how we did this. Our ability to help if you run into trouble is limited. So use at your own risk and back up your files!

We both are on Windows 10 and start the game via TS3W.exe, not the EA App. So your experience may differ.

This guide is based on our own experiments and of course criisolate’s post on tumblr:  https://www.tumblr.com/criisolate/749374223346286592/ill-explain-what-i-did-below-before-making-any

This guide is brought to you by Desiree-UK and Norn.

Compatibility

Note: This will conflict with other programs that “inject” functionality into your game so they may stop working. Notably

Reshade

GShade

Nvidia Experience/Nvidia Inspector/Nvidia Shaders

RivaTuner Statistics Server

It does work seamlessly with LazyDuchess’ Smooth Patch.

LazyDuchess’ Launcher: unknown

Alder Lake patch: does conflict. One user got it working by starting the game by launching TS3.exe (also with admin rights) instead of TS3W.exe. This seemed to create the cache file for DXVK. After that, the game could be started from TS3W.exe again. That might not work for everyone though.

A word on FPS and V-Sync

With such an old game it’s crucial to cap framerate (FPS). This is done in the DXVK.conf file. Same with V-Sync.

You need

a text editor (easiest to use is Windows Notepad)

to download DXVK, version 2.3.1 from here: https://github.com/doitsujin/DXVK/releases/tag/v2.3.1 Extract the archive, you are going to need the file d3d9.dll from the x32 folder

the configuration file DXVK.conf from here: https://github.com/doitsujin/DXVK/blob/master/DXVK.conf. Optional: download the edited version with the required changes here.

administrator rights on your PC

to know your game’s installation path (bin folder) and where to find the user folder

a tiny bit of patience :)

First Step: Backup

Backup your original Bin folder in your Sims 3 installation path! The DXVK file may overwrite some files! The path should be something like this (for retail): \Program Files (x86)\Electronic Arts\The Sims 3\Game\Bin (This is the folder where also GraphicsRule.sgr and the TS3W.exe and TS3.exe are located.)

Backup your options.ini in your game’s user folder! Making the game use the DXVK file will count as a change in GPU driver, so the options.ini will reset once you start your game after installation. The path should be something like this: \Documents\Electronic Arts\The Sims 3 (This is the folder where your Mods folder is located).

Preparations

Make sure you run the game as administrator. You can check that by right-clicking on the icon that starts your game. Go to Properties > Advanced and check the box “Run as administrator”. Note: This will result in a prompt each time you start your game, if you want to allow this application to make modifications to your system. Click “Yes” and the game will load.

2. Make sure you have the DEP settings from Windows applied to your game.

Open the Windows Control Panel.

Click System and Security > System > Advanced System Settings.

On the Advanced tab, next to the Performance heading, click Settings.

Click the Data Execution Prevention tab.

Select 'Turn on DEP for all programs and services except these”:

Click the Add button, a window to the file explorer opens. Navigate to your Sims 3 installation folder (the bin folder once again) and add TS3W.exe and TS3.exe.

Click OK. Then you can close all those dialog windows again.

Setting up the DXVK.conf file

Open the file with a text editor and delete everything in it. Then add these values:

d3d9.textureMemory = 1

d3d9.presentInterval = 1

d3d9.maxFrameRate = 60

d3d9.presentInterval enables V-Sync,d3d9.maxFrameRate sets the FrameRate. You can edit those values, but never change the first line (d3d9.textureMemory)!

The original DXVK.conf contains many more options in case you would like to add more settings.

A. no Reshade/GShade

Setting up DXVK

Copy the two files d3d9.dll and DXVK.conf into the Bin folder in your Sims 3 installation path. This is the folder where also GraphicsRule.sgr and the TS3W.exe and TS3.exe are located. If you are prompted to overwrite files, please choose yes (you DID backup your folder, right?)

And that’s basically all that is required to install.

Start your game now and let it run for a short while. Click around, open Buy mode or CAS, move the camera.

Now quit without saving. Once the game is closed fully, open your bin folder again and double check if a file “TS3W.DXVK-cache” was generated. If so – congrats! All done!

Things to note

Heads up, the game options will reset! So it will give you a “vanilla” start screen and options.

Don’t worry if the game seems to be frozen during loading. It may take a few minutes longer to load but it will load eventually.

The TS3W.DXVK-cache file is the actual cache DXVK is using. So don’t delete this! Just ignore it and leave it alone. When someone tells to clear cache files – this is not one of them!

Update Options.ini

Go to your user folder and open the options.ini file with a text editor like Notepad.

Find the line “lastdevice = “. It will have several values, separated by semicolons. Copy the last one, after the last semicolon, the digits only. Close the file.

Now go to your backup version of the Options.ini file, open it and find that line “lastdevice” again. Replace the last value with the one you just copied. Make sure to only replace those digits!

Save and close the file.

Copy this version of the file into your user folder, replacing the one that is there.

Things to note:

If your GPU driver is updated, you might have to do these steps again as it might reset your device ID again. Though it seems that the DXVK ID overrides the GPU ID, so it might not happen.

How do I know it’s working?

Open the task manager and look at RAM usage. Remember the game can only use 4 GB of RAM at maximum and starts crashing when usage goes up to somewhere between 3.2 – 3.8 GB (it’s a bit different for everybody).

So if you see values like 2.1456 for RAM usage in a large world and an ongoing save, it’s working. Generally the lower the value, the better for stability.

Also, DXVK will have generated its cache file called TS3W.DXVK-cache in the bin folder. The file size will grow with time as DXVK is adding stuff to it, e.g. from different worlds or savegames. Initially it might be something like 46 KB or 58 KB, so it’s really small.

Optional: changing MemCacheBudgetValue

MemCacheBudgetValue determines the size of the game's VRAM Cache. You can edit those values but the difference might not be noticeable in game. It also depends on your computer’s hardware how much you can allow here.

The two lines of seti MemCacheBudgetValue correspond to the high RAM level and low RAM level situations. Therefore, theoretically, the first line MemCacheBudgetValue should be set to a larger value, while the second line should be set to a value less than or equal to the first line.

The original values represent 200MB (209715200) and 160MB (167772160) respectively. They are calculated as 200x1024x1024=209175200 and 160x1024x1024=167772160.

Back up your GraphicsRules.sgr file! If you make a mistake here, your game won’t work anymore.

Go to your bin folder and open your GraphicsRules.sgr with a text editor.

Search and find two lines that set the variables for MemCacheBudgetValue.

Modify these two values to larger numbers. Make sure the value in the first line is higher or equals the value in the second line. Examples for values: 1073741824, which means 1GB 2147483648 which means 2 GB. -1 (minus 1) means no limit (but is highly experimental, use at own risk)

Save and close the file. It might prompt you to save the file to a different place and not allow you to save in the Bin folder. Just save it someplace else in this case and copy/paste it to the Bin folder afterwards. If asked to overwrite the existing file, click yes.

Now start your game and see if it makes a difference in smoothness or texture loading. Make sure to check RAM and VRAM usage to see how it works.

You might need to change the values back and forth to find the “sweet spot” for your game. Mine seems to work best with setting the first value to 2147483648 and the second to 1073741824.

Uninstallation

Delete these files from your bin folder (installation path):

d3d9.dll

DXVK.conf

TS3W.DXVK-cache

And if you have it, also TS3W_d3d9.log

if you changed the values in your GraphicsRule.sgr file, too, don’t forget to change them back or to replace the file with your backed up version.

OR

delete the bin folder and add it from your backup again.

B. with Reshade/GShade

Follow the steps from part A. no Reshade/Gshade to set up DXVK.

If you are already using Reshade (RS) or GShade (GS), you will be prompted to overwrite files, so choose YES. RS and GS may stop working, so you will need to reinstall them.

Whatever version you are using, the interface shows similar options of which API you can choose from (these screenshots are from the latest versions of RS and GS).

Please note: 

Each time you install and uninstall DXVK, switching the game between Vulkan and d3d9, is essentially changing the graphics card ID again, which results in the settings in your options.ini file being repeatedly reset.

ReShade interface

Choose – Vulcan

Click next and choose your preferred shaders.

Hopefully this install method works and it won't install its own d3d9.dll file.

If it doesn't work, then choose DirectX9 in RS, but you must make sure to replace the d3d9.dll file with DXVK's d3d9.dll (the one from its 32bit folder, checking its size is 3.86mb.)

GShade interface

Choose –           

Executable Architecture: 32bit

Graphics API: DXVK

Hooking: Normal Mode

GShade is very problematic, it won't work straight out of the box and the overlay doesn't show up, which defeats the purpose of using it if you can't add or edit the shaders you want to use.

Check the game's bin folder, making sure the d3d9.dll is still there and its size is 3.86mb - that is DXVK's dll file.

If installing using the DXVK method doesn't work, you can choose the DirectX method, but there is no guarantee it works either.

The game will not run with these files in the folder:

d3d10core.dll

d3d11.dll

dxgi.dll

If you delete them, the game will start but you can't access GShade! It might be better to use ReShade.

Some Vulcan and DirectX information, if you’re interested:

Vulcan is for rather high end graphic cards but is backward compatible with some older cards. Try this method with ReShade or GShade first.

DirectX is more stable and works best with older cards and systems. Try this method if Vulcan doesn't work with ReShade/GShade in your game – remember to replace the d3d9.dll with DXVK's d3d9.dll.

For more information on the difference between Vulcan and DirectX, see this article:

https://www.howtogeek.com/884042/vulkan-vs-DirectX-12/

[wings-of-ink]

Chapter 5 is finally here!

Tumblr crew, please let me know right away if you see any issues with running the game. I *think* I fixed the issue with fonts not changing but I did the upload a different way so I'm paranoid. It works for me though.

This was a big one – do not anticipate your saves working. Such is the nature of a work-in-progress. Some of the code for early chapters had to change. I do apologize, I know it's a lot of content to click through.

I hope you enjoy it, and please let me know if you find any serious problems/errors – especially ones that break the game. I have tested it myself a few times, but I can only do so much on my own. I will be watching Tumblr closely for a bit, so if there are any urgent issues you can pop them into my ask-inbox.

This chapter was written using a different method. Mostly, it worked out for me and helped me find more typos and grammar issues, but I found more programming errors than normal. My hope is that all the major ones have been resolved. A game-breaking issue was found just this morning and took a few hours to resolve (it was a mess so I redid the entire section - peeps, if you see issues in the moment with Zahn let me know because they were my troublemaker, go figure).

A couple of new trigger warnings were added as well, so be sure to peruse the list if you may have areas of sensitivity. In the future, a couple of areas of this chapter may receive options to bypass segments with certain difficult content, so be advised that these do not have a skip function enabled currently.

Coming in the future…

Lunan is taking a break through the end of the year! I will still be monitoring Tumblr, answering questions, and resolving any technical issues of course. But I will not be writing chapter content. Some short extras may be posted in the meantime to Tumblr.

Each chapter will get a passage-by-passage check for typos and grammar issues before the release of Chapter 6.

A chapter skip function will be arranged so you can bypass content you've already read. This will likely be implemented before or with Chapter 6.

The release time for Chapter 6 is currently unknown but estimated for late Spring of 2025 (March-May *ish).

The Patreon will likely start up in January 2025 and will focus on early releases of new content and extras/POVs (including the spicy kind).

Thank you so much for sticking with me. I hope you enjoy this chapter and have fun with it!

~Lunan ^_^

PS: Also let me know if you find weird stuff in there that might be from testing, lol. I think I deleted all that stuff, but I am more than a little bit frazzled today and there is a real possibility that I left some garbage behind...

Itch.io Link:

[vanteguccir]

chris’s gf helping him with his commitment issues when they start dating would be the cutest thing ever

-🍄

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤFEAR OF COMMITMENT * CHRIS STURNIOLO * BLURB

SUMMARY　::　where Chris wakes up insecure about committing but Y/N is there to reassure him

FEATURING　Chris Sturniolo x reader

WARNINGS　::　none

AUTHOR'S NOTE　::　that is my work, I DON'T authorize any form of plagiarism; copy, "inspiration" or translation! | english isn't my first language, so I'm sorry if there's any grammar error.

Chris woke up to the gentle rays of sunlight streaming through the curtains, casting a warm glow across the room. He blinked, taking a moment to remember where he was. Then he felt the soft weight of Y/N’s head on his chest, her arm draped lazily across his waist. His heart swelled with affection, but an undercurrent of fear tugged at him, his mind screaming that she would leave him, that if he gave all of himself to her, she would run away with his heart on a death grip.

He gently stroked her hair, the silky strands slipping through his fingers. Y/N stirred, her eyes fluttering open. She looked up at him and smiled, the kind of smile that made his heart skip a beat.

"Good morning." She whispered, her voice still thick with sleep.

"Morning." Chris replied, his voice a bit shaky.

She noticed the slight tremor, the way his gaze seemed distant. Propping herself up on one elbow, she looked at him with concern.

"You seem a little off. What’s on your mind, pretty boy?"

He shrugged, trying to muster a smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes. He hated how he sometimes withdrew, scared of the intensity of his feelings. The last thing he wanted was to hurt her, or worry her all the time.

Y/N reached out, cupping his face in her hands, making him look at her.

"Chris, hey... Honey, I love you. I see a future with you, and it’s one where we’re happy and together. You make me feel safe and loved, and I want you to know that I’m not going anywhere. We’re in this together, okay? I won't ever leave your side."

Her words were like a balm to his anxious mind. He felt her steady heartbeat against his chest and knew, deep down, that she meant every word. He pulled her close, burying his face in her hair, letting her reassurances soothe his fears.

"Don't let your mind go a million miles away from mine, okay?" She muttered, moving upwards and pressing her lips against his jaw for long seconds. "I know sometimes you get scared, and that’s okay." Her voice sounded muffled against his skin. "But I want you to know that you don’t have to be afraid with me. You are more than enough for me. We’ll, for sure, have our ups and downs, but I’m committed to working through everything with you."

"I'm just- I'm just afraid sometimes. Of committing..." He whispered, his eyes going from hers to the ceiling, feeling embarrassed and vulnerable.

"I know, pretty boy. And I will help you forever with that. I won't ever leave you. Okay?" She looked at him as if he was holding all the planets and starts on his hands.

"Okay."

© vanteguccir

[boolger]

The science of love 🌙 ch 4

Call of Duty AU ✨ Poly!141 x Nikolai x hybrid!Reader ✨ MDNI ✨ Explicit ✨ ao3

<- last chapter x next chapter ->

Tags: F!reader, hybrid reader, description of former torture, dubcon and noncon, rape, hybrid!people being kept as pets, Call of duty alternative universe, dark, angst to comfort, kinda in a fucked up way ya know, punishments, spanking, mistreatment and abuse to hybrids, the dove is dead, or at least its close to death, heat/mating cycles (no omegaverse), no pregnancy, reader knows how to stand up for herself, anger issues, animal tails and ears, trauma, violence, angst, collars, rough sex, breeding kink, threesome, orgy basically, everyone is fucking your honor, enemies to lovers, piss kink, reader has a pussy, chubby!reader, hurt!reader, pet names, a couples of OCs here and there, gotta add some extra backgrounds character ya know, vague mentions of a character’s death in the past (it’s Roach. Sorry Roach lovers.)

A/n: ahem, this one is angsty, remember the tags. Also Angus Macgyver and Jack Dalton from Macgyver 2016 kinda appears in this chapter and i have no other excuse than the fact that i love them. Mwah.

💫✨💫✨💫

“How did you learn all of this?”

“You mean how can I be smart and be a hybrid?” You asked back sarcastically, watching the woman who in return looked back at you like she was bored, so you added a snappy “are you also amazed by the fact that I can read and spell, lady?”

By the look that grew on her face, you were pretty sure she was as annoyed at you, as you were with her.

“Behave.” It was a simple word coming from the grim reaper in the corner, yet it was a strong warning. You were honestly relieved that you were still too beat up to be actually punished… because you were pretty sure it might involve a spanking or perhaps running rounds on a field, as if you were one of their small privates.

You let out a tired sigh, tipping your one good hybrid ear towards the woman, who had introduced herself as Kate Laswell a little earlier.

You had seen her before, yet you hadn’t really cared about her - you tried not to care about any of them. Despite the collar still resting around your neck, you were not going to stay around.

As for Laswell, you had a suspicion that she wasn’t going to leave without any answers - and you didn’t really have any urge to spill many secrets.

“I learned it the way everyone learns things. From being taught and through trial and error,” you finally replied, crossing your still bandaged hands, “but I assume you want to know who exactly taught me?”

“Yes.”

“A scientist.”

“Kitty.” The warning tone was back. It was still an awful name, chosen without your consent. As always. You gave him a nasty look, rolled your eyes before continuing.

“Fine, fine - when they first took me, there were several scientists around. I knew how to read beforehand, so I was their assistant for a while, learning how to do certain things.”

“Did your owner sell you to them?”

You snapped your mouth shut again. You leant back in the bed some more, ears tipping backwards a little. Some things were better left in the past. Your tail rose a little, but you knew there was not much scary about you right now.

“Listen, we cannot help you wi—“

“With what? I’m not going back to any of my former owners and I don’t really wanna stay with Jack Skeleton either.”

“You are walking the line—“ said skeleton man began but you merely ignored him, cutting him off.

”They’re dead - all of the scientists are dead! What good will it do for me to tell you?” You snarled at the woman, ears tipping backwards in anger, “You knowing who they were, can never bring them back! I lived with them for ten years! Do you have any idea what it’s like to be the last one standing now? And I’m not even a human, I’m not even considered a person! I’m even less than they ever were, even when captured!”

The room was silent for two heartbeats and the anger that made you growl out the truth, disappeared again.

You closed your mouth, immediately regretting everything you had just said, all of the details you had let slip. A deep growl left you, as the woman took a couple of notes; the urge to jump up and take the notebook was big, rip the pages about you apart with your teeth, while snarling like a feral dog.

Maybe even swallowing a couple of the pieces, just for good measure. You could feel saliva collecting in your mouth, teeth baring, your body beginning to tense up, ready to jump and-

”Behave,” Ghost took a hold of your collar, giving it a little tug towards him - when the fuck had he even moved? - his hand didn’t hurt you, instead it moved to gently run along your shaved head, making you freeze as he scratched the spot behind one of your ears, “thank you for telling us, Kitty, but no growling.”

”Go fuck yourself.” You muttered, making the giant huff.

”So, you’re at least 20, I presume?” She asked but you looked away, down at the duvet and then at your bandaged ankle. You had let too much slip. Much of the information they would figure out along the way, but still. You didn’t like this.

She turned a few pages in a file, then spoke again, as if you hadn’t fully ignored her question.

”There are mentions of a Dr. B. Agerdrup - a biologist and chemist - together with a Dr. K. Peko, a surgeon and described as an expert in blood experiments,” Laswell said and you stared down at the duvet covering your lower body, “Did you meet them?”

You ignored her. Ignored Ghost as he gave your human ear a little tug, in an attempt to get a reaction from you

Laswell took a file from beneath her notepad, rummaging through a couple of pages.

”Throughout the years of the files, a person appears regularly, only going by the name Dog, sometimes just D,” Laswell continued, her voice calm, “Am I right to assume that this is you?”

You tried not remembering their faces, yet they flashed by as you closed your eyes; you remembered their names, their ages, their voices. The way their hands felt when they stroked your cheek or how they would all attempt to keep the guards from you.

You still knew how they liked their coffee or tea and their different, preferred ways of taking notes.

It was the memories of them smiling, when they had told you about their life outside, about how they had all been promised to let go after you all finished the project. The moment they could create the serums together, and finish the weapons, they would all be free - you included.

Angus, sweet and kind Angus, had promised he would bring you with him, so that you wouldn’t just be sold to somebody. That he would make sure you could get a nice life with him and his longtime boyfriend, who was out in the world somewhere, no doubt still looking for his fiance. He had proposed, just before they took Angus.

He promised you a life with them, a promise and a dream that kept you going, both of you, throughout the years. A life with love, without pain. A life where you could be happy, maybe go somewhere else in the world together with him… have your own room, your own safe space. Never be chained again. A life where you could love who you wanted, touch who you wanted, be loved, be…

The two people in the room kept talking, but you weren’t hearing them, not really. In your mind you were together with Angus and the other scientists, walking on a beach in Italy, like one of them, one of the sweetest women you had ever met, had talked about. Going to her hometown, a small Italian village, enjoy the warmth of the sun. You would all have sand between your toes, Agerdrup would grumble about it, Kenny would try to push Angus into the water, his fiance trying to save him, Beatrice almost falling over with laughter, and you would chase seagulls all day long.

Hands cradled your face and for a moment, a short moment, you were convinced it was Angus, who did so; that he was alive, that it was his hands, warm and gentle, touching you while telling you something completely meaningless, so you didn’t get too lost in your thoughts.

Even when Angus had been dying, he had kept promising that all of you would leave together, voice shaky and weak; by then you had known they were all lies, not malicious ones, but desperate ones. He believed in those lies himself, in a self soothing way to survive and continue. Even into death. You had lied too then, hoping it would ease his fears and pains, so you had promised Jack, his fiance, would be there any minute to save them, and he had seemed to believe you, even though, deep inside, you had both known it wasn’t the truth.

The guards had let you and Agerdrup hold Angus as he passed away, blond hair sprawled across your lap. The two of you had attempted to make sure Angus wasn’t in too much pain. You hadn’t been sure whether he was, but he looked relieved when he took his last breath.

Now, was he cradling your face? Had you died?

You blinked, confused over the tears in your eyes for a second; then the voice of the man cradling your face in his big hands, returned. The smells of the rooms in your prison for a decade disappeared, replaced by a scent of gunpowder and cigarettes.

”Breathe for me, Kitty,” Ghost’s voice was gentle, even though he told you as an order, “C’mon, Kitty, be good and take a deep breath, yeah?”

You let out a whine, your mind desperately trying to get back to Angus, claw your way back to Italy with your scientist family, to live in a daydream where none of them died. Desperate to hear their voices, desperate to find a way back to them.

”Do it,” He kept his voice gentle but the command was stronger, and your inner hybrid was screaming at you to be a good girl and do as told.

Your lungs burned painfully when you finally managed to take a breath; it created a painful chain reaction of burning gasps and whines, your lungs filling up with warm embers, unable to cool down. The breaths almost hurt more than you felt worth it.

Pain. So much pain. Who was going to save you from that? Who would take away your precious memories, that haunted you deeply, and help you survive without them?

It took you a good couple of minutes to get your breathing under control, to be able to see the skull wearing man in front of you, to no longer attempt to go back to Italy; he was softly cooing, whispering praises.

Laswell was gone. You weren’t sure when she had left, but you didn’t really care. Ghost kept telling you it was alright, that you were a good puppy.

You didn’t feel like one.

You bit his gloved thumb. It was a pathetic attempt at gaining some power. There was barely any force behind it really and Ghost hardly acknowledged it. Just made a couple of clicking sounds with his tongue, keeping eye contact with you. You were the one to give in, letting go of his thumb, licking your lips, looking away as your ears tipped down.

Ghost patted your head.

💫✨💫✨💫

Simon stared up at the ceiling of the bedroom. Nikolai crawled over Johnny who let out an annoyed sound, then Ghost, he could lay next to Ghost, pressed against the wall. He let out a pleased groan as he settled and out of reflex, Simon turned, leaning forward to him, meeting the older man’s lips in a kiss. The Russian man let out a pleased hum.

“Still thinking about Kitty, da?”

“She disappeared into her mind.” Simon knew what it was like. To suddenly stop breathing, stuck somewhere in the past, but the change in you had been so sudden, that it caught him off guard. He had sent Laswell away, so he could help you himself.

The sooner you got out of that bed, the better.

“Whether she wants to admit it or not, she has been through some hard things, ” John said from the other end of the bed, looking up from his book, reading glasses resting on his nose, “ you’re helping her, Simon. Even if she doesn’t know it.”

Simon looked at his boyfriend for a moment. He knew the older man was right, knew that the moment he could get you up and going, things would become easier. Then he looked away again. What if it didn’t become easier?

What if you ended up spending most of your time in the kennel on the base? Surrounded by working hybrids who you couldn’t relate to. Without some sort of goal, without proper relationships, would that be worse than the place you had been held captive at for a decade?

Simon was itching to give you a routine to follow, to give you simple rules and watch you flourish. To help you not hate every single human being you came across. He wanted to kiss you, and show you pleasure when you behaved and, gods, if he didn’t want to spank your arse sore from your constant snapbacks.

He wanted to show you that they weren’t like your captors. That they would not let your fur turn into matts or let you become weak and sick. They would take care of you.

“She is gonna bite your fingers off, Si,” Gaz muttered, face pressed against the pillow, as if he was ready to be knocked out. Like a philosophical thought before bed.

“Ach, as if Simon will let ‘er,” Johnny answered before Simon could say anything, “nah, wee thing is gonna bite yer arse off, Garrick.”

“Not his ass,” Nikolai muttered into Simon’s skin, rather dramatically, “I am fond of said arse.”

John gave Kyle a couple of pats on the ass, as if to silently agree with the last statement .

Simon huffed at their talk. He wouldn’t let you bite Kyle’s ass - not unless he asked, of course - but he would help you learn not to bite, unless when told to. A muzzle. He should probably order a nice muzzle, one that wouldn’t be too uncomfortable to wear.

“I’ll make sure your ass stays safe,” Simon dryly noted.

Simon hadn’t been able to save Roach. He had been a real struggle too, especially in the beginning, but he had ended up as a really good boy. Devoted. Kind. Perfect. Simon hadn’t been able to save him, but he was going to save you.

Whether you wanted to or not.

💫✨💫✨💫

You growled, forcing yourself harder into the corner of the room.

They weren’t here yet, but right now, escaping didn’t seem like a likely possibility - sadly. The nurses were all speaking, trying to calm you down, though they all looked afraid of you; in truth, you didn’t like the idea of people fearing you, but if that was the price of escaping, then you would pay it.

One of them, a bigger guy stepped forward and you tipped your ears even further back, snarling loudly at him. You had already bitten one of them, you liked to think that they didn’t want to get bitten too.

Your foot in the cast hurt a bit, but it wasn’t worse than some things you had tried before. It was odd to be fully up and walking, even if you hadn’t walked long.

As you took a step forward, they all took one back. Good. Good, maybe this was your chance.

The moment you heard one of them mentioning sedatives, you snapped. You had tried being shot with a dart of sedatives before - it wasn’t a pleasant feeling, but even worse, it meant you would lose consciousness, then go back to square one. If not with worse possibilities of escaping, since they would probably up the safety around you.

You had forced some of your claws out - the ones you had left - proving and though your fingers hurt from the mere idea of them getting stuck in something, you didn’t care.

Filled with momentarily courage, you charged towards the little group of nurses. You had no actual intention of attacking them, but you weren’t going to tell them that. In all honesty, you were surprised by the fact that they stumbled backwards, out of the room, almost falling over each other.

You used the moment to dart out, running rather awkwardly, trying to get as far away as possible.

However, your success was momentary.

Big arms circled you from behind, fully lifting your chubby body off the ground, seemingly with no effort at all. You snarled and twisted in the grip, claws digging into any exposed skin you could reach, barking and screaming. While kicking the man, who let out a grunt of pain from the claws in his skin, you attempted to twist enough to bite his face. It was all out of instinct, of anger and desperation.

You recognised the voice, the strong Russian accent, but you refused to give up.

One of the arms around your chest let go, and in the next moment a hand curled around your face, fully covering your eyes. He kept speaking, telling you it was okay, to calm down, as if you couldn’t smell his blood, feel it wet your fingertips.

It wasn’t going to be okay - you wouldn’t be free, you wouldn’t…

Much to your confusion, your body just…

Calmed down.

You let out a frustrated growl, but you stopped kicking - or at least kicking as hard as before. His breath tickled the little fur that was growing on your dog ears. His grip around your waist became gentler.

Darkness overwhelmed your mind. Somehow making you more calm and you hated it. Hated how you barely fought as he pulled you back towards the room.

A needle pushed into your arm then. Growling seemed meaningless. You whimpered instead.

💫✨💫✨💫

A groan left your lips. Your head was pounding, your lips dry. You let out a yawn, only to blink tiredly when the movement felt restricted.

There was something on your face. You felt like you were underwater as you raised a hand, touching your face.

Leather. Metal.

You blinked a little harder, forcing your eyes to remain open this time. Only to meet the stare of your so-called new “owner”. Quite an angry, cold stare, the big mountain of a man. He had crossed arms, one of his balaclavas with a skull painted on - yet it was easy to see he was upset - as well as a pair of leather cuffs in his hands.

Shit. You were in trouble. You had known you would be from the start, as soon as the nurse grumbled that you were an annoying mutt - that she didn’t understand why they hadn’t put you down instead - because then your teeth had sunk into her hand. The blood had tasted like bitter, metallic victory, even if you had essentially proved her right.

Perhaps they should have put you down. But they hadn’t. You had made that her problem. Had you been more awake, you might have hoped the bite would get infected.

Finally your mind caught up with you. The leather and metal on your face, well head really, was a muzzle. The metal in front let you breathe freely, but kept you from biting anyone.

You let out a little whimper, ears tipping down as Simon just stared at you. Disappointment. It had been a while since that had affected you, but as the two of you almost had a silent conversation, you actually felt ashamed.

“Care to explain yourself?” Finally, he broke the silence, even if a part of you would have preferred to keep it. You were in a different bed, but still in the medical wing. The bandages on your hands were gone. Your fingers were sore, but they seemed to be doing alright.

You weren’t really sure what to tell him. You were too busy fearing what the punishment would be. All the time, the man had promised he would punish you when you weren’t as sick. He had been clear when he had told you his rules. You misbehave, you earn a punishment.

“Well?” You flinched at his word, casting another glance at him, ears still down, tail thumping pathetically against the mattress, hoping he would be a little nicer.

“You’re going to be punished no matter what, Kitty,” he pointed out when you still didn’t say anything, seemingly not softening up at all, “So you might as well give me a good reason.”

You swallowed hard. Your throat felt dry, but you doubted he was in the mood to help you drink water.

“She - the nurse,” you managed, unsure of how to make him understand, understand the frustration and anger that had overwhelmed you, her words flipping a switch in your mind, “She said I was a mutt… that.. that you should just have put me down.”

Simon stared at you, brows furrowing for a moment, before tipping his head to the side.

”So you decided to prove her point, then?” His words were harsh, “Do you think that gives you an excuse to bite her?”

You looked away. The guards in the base had always been mean to you. Snarling all kinds of shit while forcing themselves upon you. Calling you all kinds of things, just to see what would make you snap.

You found yourself nodding, still refusing to meet his gaze, until a deep sigh escaped him. You dared to peek over at him, watching him pinch the bridge of his nose. You didn’t say anything, though you really wanted to repeat your point. Why should you be nice to her when she said that?

”One thing was biting her, Kitty,” Simon finally said, before he looked up again, anger visible again as he all but hissed, “another fuckin’ thing was biting Nikolai. What the fuck makes you think you can hurt my partner?”

You let out a little whimper. You knew something was up with the two of them - with all of them really. You hadn’t really thought that much about it. Whether they all were fucking or not didn’t matter. You just wanted to be free.

“I’m sorry.” You actually meant it. Genuinely, you felt a little bad for biting Nikolai. Even if he had caught you and stopped you from escaping. Bastard. Still.

”You will fuckin’ be,” he stood up so suddenly it almost made you jump, “move so your on your stomach.”

You blinked for a moment at his request. Whatever he wanted to do, you already knew that you didn’t want to be a part of it.

Your ears tipped more backwards, a low growl leaving you, a wordless refusal.

”It wasn’t a fuckin’ offer,” he snapped, “It’s a command. Roll over.”

”Fuck you.”

”You’re not making it better for yourself.”

”I’m gonna —“

You didn’t manage to say anymore, because the next moment, the mountain of a man was on the bed, manhandling you. Biting him was not possible thanks to the fucking muzzle on your head and he barely gave you a moment to scratch him.

In the matter of seconds he got your arms behind your back and pulled over his lap on your stomach. You had almost forgotten about the leather cuffs in his hand, but as they were close around each of your wrists, you let out a scared whine.

”No, no, no, I'll be good, I’m sorry—“

“Too fuckin’ late, you brat,” he hissed - and then to your horror, he easily pulled down the sweatpants you wore, your eyes widening. You trashed with renewed energy, letting out a panicked howl, but it was no use.

His big hand collided with your soft, exposed, bare ass, the sound almost echoing in the room, while you let out a howl of pain.

You could barely distinguish the words that escaped you, as you desperately begged him to stop.

Slap.

Slap.

Yet, Simon was merciless, repeatedly spanking your ass. Each hit was hard, never landing the same place as the former, somehow hurting more and more each time. He ignored your angry growls, your pitiful howls of pain and then, the loud sobs as you cried. No, you almost wailed, as the man continued to spank you.

Slap.

Slap.

Slap. Slap. Slap. Slap.

Your skin felt afire. It was like you were stuck in a nightmare, constantly looping around, pain ever present; you heard him grunt, whether from anger or exhaustion you didn’t know, but it didn’t seem to make a difference. He kept going.

Slap. Slap. Slap. Slap. Slap. Slap. Slap. Slap.

At some point, it was like your mind left your body. You could hear yourself whimper and whine, hear his hand colliding in another spank.

Slap. Slap.

You were hiding your face in the bedsheets, tears and snot soaking the inside of the muzzle, sliding through the metal bars and onto the fabric beneath you. Your body had gone fully lax, no longer tensing up with each hit. A part of you had given up, accepted that you had no control over the moment, that he was the one to decide whether you would receive pain or not.

It took a good few seconds before you registered his soft voice. Felt his short nails scratch your still quite short hair, still looking so close to buzz cut. It felt good. Better than you wanted to admit.

The spanks had stopped. You sniffled, letting out another little sob, the big man shushing you. His other hand moved to your ass again and for a moment you expected him to hit you once again. Instead it rested against your burning skin, which somehow felt nice. You felt yourself whining, but accepted it.

”Took it so well,” he said, “just had to get into it, yeah? Understand who is in control?”

You nodded, face still pressed against the bed. You almost felt like you were floating.

“You’re not going to bite Nikolai again - or any of the others. Is that understood?” His voice turned a little harder.

You nodded again. His hand stopped petting your arse, instead one of them dug into your skin, grabbing a handful of your burning flesh, making you cry out.

”Is. That. Understood?”

”Yessir,” you hurried to say, wincing at the pain, the feeling of his nails digging into your poor skin, “yes sir, i understand, im sorry, im not gonn’ bite ‘im or any of the others.”

His grip loosened. Then his hand went back to petting your ass.

”Good girl,” he muttered.

[dollyzdaydreamz]

Whiskey and Worn out Souls

John Marston x Fem! Reader (Dutch's daughter) Description: The events at blackwater and your fathers erratic behavior has you caught up in your thoughts at the saloon with the gang as they celebrate a petty win over the O'Driscolls. Two men decide to heckle you over your gunslinging outfit and you can't help but let your frustrations out on them. ⚠️Warnings: Violence (reader is a gunslinger, reference to Blackwater massacre) sexism, some people drink, reader has Dutch’s smart mouth, reader doesn’t drink but smokes a cig (don't smoke yall:)

angst/overthinking, daddy issues lowkey (^-^)

⚠️forgive grammatical errors, it's literally 2 AM rn (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ ⚠️i dont own any of the rdr2 characters, they belong to Rockstar (≧▽≦)

The saloon was a lively mess, full of drunken laughter, piano playing, and the ever-present stench of stale beer and poor decisions. The gang had taken a petty victory against the O’Driscoll's as a reason to celebrate, and the drinks kept on coming. But while the others laughed and drank, you sat against the bar in your usual gunslinging attire: the pistol gifted by your father long ago strapped to your hip, a bullet belt around your waist, worn down jeans that reached just past your ankle, a shirt under your fur lined vest, and muddy boots. Your mood was darker than the cheap liquor in the bottles laid out on the counter. 

You were trapped in deep thought as you fiddled with a chip of wood on the oddly sticky bar counter. Maybe, it was the Pinkertons steering closer to the gang, seemingly breathing down your necks at every train heist or bank robbery. Maybe it was seeing your fathers slow, yet subtle dissent to an even more distasteful degeneracy, ever since Micah’s unfortunate introduction to the gang. Maybe, it was the image of that poor woman’s brain plastered on the wall in Blackwater after your father had let a bullet fly at her skull upon Micah’s encouragement.

A few of the boys, noticing your off-mood, had asked if you wanted to join them across the bar, but you quietly declined, unable to shake the confusing thoughts whirling in your brain.

Which meant, of course, that some fool had to try your patience.

“That ain’t no way for a pretty lady to dress, miss” a baritone voice drawled beside you.

“I don't know, somethin’ about a woman in men’s clothing does something for me.” a more nasally voice chuckled. 

You barely spared a glance at the men, hoping they'd get bored and run off with one of the working girls eventually.

Across the room, John shifted slightly, already pushing off his chair to intervene, but Dutch lifted a lazy hand, stopping him.

“Hold on there,” your father warned him, leaning back in his seat with a small grin. “Let’s just…enjoy the show” 

You shifted in your seat to face them when you realized they weren’t going to leave just yet, eyeing them down as you fished a cigarette out of your pocket. One, a wiry rat-faced fella with the confidence of someone who'd never been clocked in the mouth. His friend, bigger and dumber-looking, smirked. His yellowed teeth at display as his eyes lazily raked over your figure.

You scoffed as you brought the cigarette to your lips and crossed a foot over your knee to light a match with the sole of your boot, “And who’re you two? The local drunk and his pet pig?”

The bigger man blinked “Huh?”

He huffed, trying to regain his footing. “Well, you uh-you look like you belong in…one of them mens whorehouses up north that folk talk ‘bout.”

You snort, admittedly finding the insult a bit creative, “Like the one your pa’ works at?” 

Arthur choked on his whiskey from across the room,

“He still doin’ those two-for-one deals, or did business slow down?” you asked, feigning curiosity.

Micah, of all people, stifled a chuckle behind his beer glass, leaning forward with interest, always up for listening in on some stirring drama.

The broader man frowned. “The hell did you just say ‘bout my pa?”

“Ah your right, I was outta line mentioning your father…” you apologized.

“Damn right” the smaller one said, puffing out his sternum.

“Maybe I should’ve asked if your mama was givin’ out referral discounts” you added, crushing your cigarette with your heel before standing up and meeting the oaf face to face. 

That was the final straw. The bigger man snarled and raised his beer bottle at you,

“Who the hell do you think you are little girl?!”

Feeling a fit of anger wash over your previous indifference, your patience snapped,

“Give me that,” you grunted, snatching the bottle from him, “I’m your old friend amnesia.” (stealing lines from my pookie John(✿◡‿◡)

Without a flicker of hesitation, you smashed it over his thick head.

The man staggered, eyes rolling, before dropping to the ground in a dazed heap.

You dusted off your hands and turned to the remaining man, who was frozen in shock.

Rat-Face took one look at his unconscious friend and quickly decided he had somewhere else to be.

“Now,” Dutch groaned as he stood up, slamming his bottle onto the counter with a piercing clink “does any other brave soul care to share their unsolicited fashion advice with my daughter?” He asked, putting his arm around you as he grandly gestured to the audience.

Silence.

“Alright, boys, let’s clear out. Leave the lady be,” Arthur sighed, shaking his head as he approached the lingering onlookers, “unless you wanna end up like this poor feller” he mumbled giving the unconscious giant a sympathetic look. 

The small crowd eventually wandered off, some returning to their drinks whilst some distracted themselves with poker. 

Dutch tapped a heavy hand on your shoulder, “I trained you fairly well.” He chuckled drunkenly with Micah, who turned to you with a loopy smile,

“Youu, had them twisted like a pair of knickers!” him and Dutch cackled once more, before taking another swig of beer. 

Your gaze drifted to the man on the floor, then at your crimsoned hand, before it caught the dried O’Driscoll blood on your father’s knuckles as he tightly gripped his beer glass. A shiver ran down your spine, What the hell is wrong with me? Maybe I am a damn man, starting dumb bar fights. Suddenly you were hit with the overwhelming need to just get out of there. You sighed, grabbing your hat from the counter and pushing your way past the saloon doors.

John’s grin faltered as he watched you grab your hat and storm out of the saloon, clearly still stewing in your thoughts.

He exhaled and followed.

He found you by the lake, leaning against a lamppost, flicking stones into the water absentmindedly. The moonlight reflected off the surface, casting a silver glow over the waves and onto your face.

John approached quietly, hands in his pockets. He picked up a rock and tossed it in, but instead of skipping, it plopped straight down.

You huffed. “You never were good at that.”

John smirked. “Well, at least I didn't drown tryin’ this time.”

You turned, arching a brow, oblivious to his obscure reference.

He crossed his arms, leaning on the post beside you. “You really don’t remember? When we were kids? That time I tried skippin’ a rock real far to compete with you, but I-” he faltered a little, face flushing slightly, “I tripped and fell face-first into the lake.”

You paused, raking your mind for the memory until it came back with a chuckle, “Right, now I remember. Arthur had to haul you out, didn’t he?”

“Damn right he did,” John muttered. “I thought I was done for!”

You let out a small chuckle, but your face still held that quiet tension.

John sighed, skipping another rock. “You wanna tell me what’s…goin’ on? or are you just gonna keep throwin’ stones ‘til the lake dries up?”

You hesitate, rolling a smooth rock between your fingers, unsure of how to express everything on your mind. 

“I guess…” you exhaled, feeling your chest tighten, “I just keep thinkin’ about what happened on that boat in Blackwater. About my fathers recent…behavior. That woman? She didn’t-she didn’t deserve that.” 

You slouched, kicking the ground with your feet, “but if I say somethin’ then suddenly I’m just a doubter, hell maybe even a softie. Now I got random bastards at every corner telling me I ain't ladylike enough for not wearin’ a damn corset with my jeans” you huff, throwing another stone.

John’s faltered, initially unsure of how to comfort you, “Well…they don’t know a damn thing about you.”

“Maybe,” you murmured. 

“But sometimes-” you turn to him, letting out an exasperated sigh, “I wonder if I even know me.” 

“Well, what do you mean?” 

“I spent my whole life hating my father’s ways, the blood he’s spilled,” you look at your cut up hand with a flicker of shame, “but, really, I’m just like him.” 

John was silent for a moment before shaking his head. “That don’t make you him. You ain’t Dutch. You’re you. There ain’t a soul in this world that can tell you who that is but yourself.”

You looked at him, feeling something warm settle your chest, before thinking of a quick way to divert the sensation “Well, that might be the most well put together sentence you ever uttered Marston.” 

John rolled his eyes, “Shut up.” 

He nudged you with his shoulder, before turning around to head back to the saloon.

“And Marston?” you call out, to which he turns back around

“if I ever see you near a lake again, just—y’know. Make sure Arthur’s around.”

He let out a genuine laugh, shaking his head before walking back, and for the first time that night, the weight on your shoulders felt just a little lighter.

divider is made by dollywons on tumblr :) images from pinterest, but collaged by me

[aelisinsims]

Torneskär play testing

September 18th 2024

Hello everyone!

The past couple of days I've been exporting lots, putting together a save file, and trying to hunt down the package files needed for Torneskär (let me know if I missed anything) and the day is here for me to share my custom world with you all.

Torneskär is definitely still a work in progress, but I invite you to try it out with the disclaimer that only the small one of the two main islands can be considered even close to done. This is my first every custom world and some of my first custom content (very simple overrides and conversions, mostly), but I have play tested this world quite a lot myself and haven't come across any issues yet (except wonky routing that I am still working on). I ask that if you run into any issues, to please let me know, so I can trouble shoot and find a solution before I eventually release this world for everyone to download.

More play testing will be necessary later on, but this is just to catch errors at an as early stage as possible.

Let me know if you want any sims3pack files converted to package files, or if anything seems to be missing. Errors, glitches, lots that seem too small to properly navigate, or floating objects. The list goes on. Anything and everything, please send me a message about it.

I'd love to receive constructive criticism, or if you have any ideas or wishes or just stories you felt inspired to tell with your sims, please share. I'm eager to see what you all create with Torneskär. Please tag it #torneskär so i can find it, or tag me directly ^^

Read more about the world, how to install and what to expect at aelisin.neocities.org and join my discord server for downloads of all upcoming updates to Torneskär

» DISCORD « Updated link october 4th 2024

[winchesterwild78]

The Director

Characters: Jensen Ackles x Reader (wife)

Warnings: None. This is a fluff piece.

A/N: Got inspired by a series of pictures  @jackles010378 posted. Just a quick story about a day on set with Director Jensen. This is a work of fiction and does not depict real life. No disrespect to Jensen or his family. All work is my own, do not take it or copy it without permission. Wrote this fast and edited it fast, please overlook any errors. 

Minors DNI 18+

Jensen loved being an actor, but he also loved directing. He had a great eye that lended to amazing shots and takes. He was thrilled when he was approached to direct some episodes of his latest project. 

“Hey Y/N, how’s things going at home? How are the kids?” You heard your husband’s husky voice ask on the other end of the phone. “Hey babe, we’re good. They are outside playing and I’m fixing some lunch. Is everything okay? You sound off.” 

Jensen let out a long sigh, “Yeah, they asked me to direct the next few episodes.” “Oh Jens, that’s great! Why don’t you sound more excited?” “I don’t know. I guess I’m just nervous. It’s a lot of responsibility and I don’t want to screw it up.” “Jensen, you’re amazing at what you do. You always give all of yourself to anything you do. It doesn’t matter if it’s work, family or friends. You put all of yourself into everything. That’s one of the things I love about you. Jens, honey, you can do this.” 

“Thank you baby, I just needed to hear your voice. I love you.” “I love you too, Jensen, now, go do your thing baby.” You hung up and felt a pang of guilt. Jensen always put too much pressure on himself and you knew being by his side would help calm him. 

You grabbed your phone and called Gen. “Hey Gen, I have a huge favor to ask. Can you watch the kids for me? Jensen has been asked to direct and I’m afraid he’s spiraling.” “Sure, Y/N. Bring them over. We can all hang out and they can have a sleepover.” “Thanks, Gen! You’re the best.” 

You ran upstairs and packed yourself, and the kids. You took the kids to Gen and Jared’s and thanked her again. Then you headed for the shooting location. You were thankful this latest project was local enough so you could drive to set. 

You called Clif so he could meet you at security and get you inside without issue. You arrived and made it through security without any problem. “So, Clif. How is our boy doing? Honestly.” “Well, he’s stressed and of course he’s trying to make sure everything is perfect. You know how he hates to let people down.” “I know, thanks for getting me through security.” Clif hugged you and led you to the set. 

You saw Jensen behind the camera and he called cut as soon as you stepped in. He hadn’t seen you, and he was giving directions to the actors. You could see he was getting frustrated and he was trying to contain it. He called action and you watched as he moved around the set with the camera to get the perfect shot. 

One of the actors tripped and fell, so Jensen called cut again. The actor immediately started apologizing and Jensen put a hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay, it happens. Are you hurt? Do you need a break?” The actor shook his head and told Jensen no. The actor looked no more than 20 so you knew he was new. Jensen was always so kind and understanding with mishaps on the set. Afterall, he and Jared did plenty to drive their directors crazy. 

Jensen saw what time it was and he cut for lunch. He was frustrated. As the room cleared out you saw him sit down, take off his hat and run his fingers up and through his hair. He let out a frustrated sigh. Seeing him like that always broke your heart.

You walked up behind him, his head still down and hands in his hair and you put your arms around him. “Hey there Mr. Director. You look like you could use a break.” You kissed his cheek. Jensen’s head went up and his big green eyes looked at you with excitement and love. “Hey baby, what are you doing here?” He stood and threw his arms around you and softly kissed your lips. “I had Gen watch the kids, and I came to see if I could help with my husband’s stress.” 

He sat back down and pulled you between his legs. Cupping your face he kissed you again, this time it was more passionate. “Come on baby, let’s get you to your trailer so you can eat some lunch and relax. I’ll rub your shoulders.”

The two of you walked back to his trailer, hand in hand and he wore a mischievous smirk. Once in his trailer he plopped down on the sofa and pulled you with him. He peppered kisses all over you and had you giggling. “I love hearing your laugh, darlin’. It’s one of my favorite things to hear.” You smiled at him, “I love when you make me laugh. Now, let’s get you some lunch. What do you want and I’ll make it or go get it.” 

“I’d rather just take you to the bedroom.” He wiggled his eyebrows at you. “Jensen Ross Ackles!” You laughed. He stood up and grabbed you around your waist, “Y/N Y/M/N Ackles. I can’t help it. I'm in love with my wife and can’t wait to please her.” You giggled, “Fine, but you promise you’ll eat after.” “Darlin’ I plan on eating during.” He winked at you and you blushed. 

“Yes, I’ll grab something later.” You took his hand and led him back to the bedroom of his trailer. Clothes were shed and you helped Jensen relax and release all his built up stress. A few times actually.

By the time you two were finished he had about 15 minutes before he had to return to set. “Jens, you need to get dressed and back to set soon.” He pulled you closer to him and groaned, “Do I have to. I’d rather just lay here in your arms for the rest of the day.” “Me too, but you have a job to do. I’ll be here with you tonight. I have a bag packed and Gen is watching the kids.” His smile grew big, “That’s great. I will get you all to myself tonight.” You shook your head, “Now, go finish the shoot for the day.” 

You both got dressed and Jensen grabbed a quick bite from craft services. He pulled a chair up for you to sit next to him while he finished shooting for the day. You loved watching him work, and sitting next to him helped calm him. The rest of the shoot went smoothly. By the time Jensen called cut for the day, everyone was exhausted. 

Jensen took you by the hand and led you out of the set and towards his trailer. Once inside he pulled you close to him, “Thank you for coming to set today. I love you so much.” “You’re welcome baby. I love you too, Mr. Director.” 

Tags are open, if you want to be added, let me know.  

Tags: @nescaveckdaily  @kr804573 @k-slla @jackles010378 @jawritter

@xx-spooky-little-vampire-xx @roseblue373 @cheynovak @jassackles  @chriszgirl92

@suckitands33 @arcannaa @n-o-p-e-never @ladysparkles78 @smoothdogsgirl

[saiintvalentiine]

Summary: Parrot finds out Wifies doesn't know how to dance, and tries to teach him a few moves.

Notes: we're ignoring our dads' divorce <3 a billion years ago i posted this, and it came back to me and i got a little inspired. speed written in the span of about 4 hours between loads of laundry so it's super unpolished!!! feel free to lmk any major SPAG errors :) just a fun lil romp! divider

Wordcount: 1,286

It comes up on a random Wednesday afternoon. They're chopping down a tall spruce tree and Wifies is in charge of swapping out their jukebox’s music discs when they end, because Parrot is way too picky. He's just put a new one in— otherside, a recent snatch from an Ancient City run they did— when Parrot hops off the top of the half-chopped tree and lands next to him, wings aflutter. He's already dancing along on the way down and it makes Wifies laugh.

“I like this one!” Parrot says with a wide grin. “Don't laugh at me!”

“I'm not laughing at you,” Wifies defends, pulling his axe out of his inventory. “You can stay here and dance like a bum while I chop, if you'd like.”

“Why don't you dance with me instead,” Parrot is doing a two-step already as he reaches out for Wifies's free hand.

“Nah, I don't know how to dance.”

“What!”

This is probably one of the least strange things Wifies has ever said to Parrot, but Parrot has stopped dancing in shock.

“You don't know how to dance?” Parrot echoes. “What!”

“I just don't!”

Wifies tries to shake Parrot off but Parrot doesn't let go, instead tugging him closer.

“It's not hard,” Parrot says, getting that stubborn glint in his eyes that assures that Wifies won't be getting away from him. “C’mon, I'll teach you.”

Wifies groans but stores his axe again and turns to face Parrot. Parrot grins, earwings fluttering in pleasure as he takes both of Wifies’s hands hostage.

“Okay, we’ll start with something easy.”

Otherside is whimsical and simple in it’s rhythms, and Wifies has no problem keeping track of the beats. The issue, it turns out, is that knowing the beat and moving to the beat are two different skills. He and Parrot focus on just his feet, restarting the disc over and over, and Wifies keeps stumbling over Parrot. Parrot’s grip on his hand has saved him so many times that Wifies is red in the face with embarrassment.

“Okay, let’s try something different,” Parrot says. Wifies is biting his lip too hard. “This isn’t a good song to start dancing to anyway.”

Wifies isn’t sure that he’s being honest about that, but whatever will end this mortifying ordeal is fine by him. Parrot pulls out otherside and begins fiddling with the jukebox before popping in a new disc. Creator begins, but never descends into its full instrumentation.

“Is that a music box disc?” Wifies ask.

“Yup, and we’re going to learn to waltz to it,” Parrot says, pulling Wifies close again. “I’ll lead until you can do it. It’s really simple.”

“Maybe I’m just hopeless,” Wifies sighs out, but he lets Parrot maneuver him around regardless.

“You’re not hopeless,” Parrot says as he puts Wifies’s right hand on his shoulder. “You’re learning a new skill. I didn’t approach teaching you the right way.”

Parrot nudges Wifies closer by putting his left hand on Wifies’s scapula, and then takes his other hand in a loose tangle. Wifies mirrors his posture, adjusting his stance so that they’re toe to toe. The disc has already looped twice in the time they’ve taken to set up.

“Okay, watch our feet.”

Wifies does. He watches and listens with his usual precision and consideration, Parrot whispering “one, two, three, turn,” over and over, and Wifies follows. It’s still a struggle, but he steps on Parrot’s toes less.

“You need to relax,” Parrot says, breaking Wifies’s focus. He stumbles, and they stop. “You’re way too tense. You’ve gotta feel the music, not try to strangle it.”

“Ha ha,” Wifies looks up and glares at Parrot in the dying sunlight, but Parrot just smiles. “What does feel the music even mean?”

“What are you so red for?” Parrot teases, and Wifies pinches his cheek for it. “Ouch, ouch, okay! Just, you gotta feel the music, c’mon.”

Parrot starts up again, and Wifies follows, but instead of counting, Parrot hums along with the music. The rises and falls sound so much fuller coming from Parrot’s chest, just an inch away from Wifies’s own. He finds himself humming too, breathy and quiet, trying to feel whatever it is Parrot wants him to feel.

“There,” Parrot murmurs. “There you go. Now try to look at me.”

That’s a tall ask. It’s a very, very tall ask. But Wifies looks up and meets Parrot eye to eye. His left foot drags a little behind, his right too quick, but Parrot is smiling with so much joy that Wifies thinks it’s probably okay if he scuffs Parrot’s boots a bit. Parrot is a good lead, adjusting Wifies’s position with his left hand and holding him tight with his right, while being insistent enough to stop him from falling but never restrictive enough to frustrate.

It’s what saves them both from a nasty fall. In the low light of their scattered torches and a waning moon, they seem to have spiraled too far out from their cleared out space and their legs tangle in a copse of ferns. With a whirl and a few hard flaps of his wings, Parrot keeps them from falling ass first into the dirt; it’s the kind of kinesthetic thinking Wifies has never had, but that Parrot has always excelled in. Watching Parrot fight isn’t all that different from dancing with him.

“Whoa,” Wifies says, stilling for a moment to shake off the little shot of adrenaline. “That was dangerous.”

“Nah, we’re fine,” Parrot says, pulling him close again. “You were doing well.”

“I didn’t think you liked dancing this much,” Wifies tries to frown but finds the expression melting away immediately.

They must have spun a hundred times around the jukebox, but Parrot looks as content as he did at the start. The cool night air has nipped his nose pink and his feet have got to hurt after everything they’ve been through, yet there’s no discomfort anywhere on his face.

“I don’t know many avians to dance with. It’s nice to dance with someone.”

Their waltz starts over. Wifies has almost entirely tuned the jukebox out at this point, and talking while dancing seems a little too advanced for him. He tries anyway.

“Must be boring to dance with me,” he picks each word carefully, ignoring how breathless he sounds. He’s not tired, but anxiety over messing up muddles his chest. “Wingless and all.”

“Never,” Parrot says. “Anything with you is good. The only bad part is I can’t get you out of your head for long enough to actually enjoy it.”

Wifies snorts and stumbles, and Parrot bears his weight with a chuckle. They slow down, out of sync with Creator but in sync with each other still.

“We’ll try to get you into it next time,” Parrot says, squeezing Wifies’s hand. “Teach you a few new steps.”

“You should start wearing steel toed boots,” Wifies feels his anxiety unravel slowly.

“Maybe. But you’re really not that bad.”

“You’ve been compensating for my mistakes.”

“That’s what dance partners are supposed to do,” Parrot draws them into a proper stop. “It’s not about getting it perfect, it’s about feeling good.”

Parrot drops his arm from Wifies’s shoulder and steps back. Wifies mirrors him, their fingers still intertwined. Parrot’s bows, spreading and tipping his wings forward in an impressive, wide display of colored feathers. Wifies doesn’t have any feathers to preen, but he still bows in turn once Parrot stands.

“Thank you for teaching me,” Wifies says.

“Thank you for dancing with me.”

Wifies still isn’t sure that there’s any hope for him when it comes to dancing, but it won’t be a problem as long as Parrot enjoys indulging him anyway.

[mynicosensesaretingling]

A change of mind

Jenson Button x fem!reader

summary: (Y/N) is Hertz Team Jota‘s physiotherapist at Le Mans. However, there seems to be a mutual sense of dislike between her and Jenson Button.

warnings: none.

note: I wrote this immediately after the race ended ( state of brain is error)

Hope you enjoy x

——

The sun had just settled over the Circuit de la Sarthe, casting a golden hue across the track and surrounding pits, as the air was buzzing with anticipation for the Le Mans 24 Hours race. Teams and drivers were running through their garages, making final preparations, striving for perfection in the gruelling endurance race.

Among the sea of mechanics and engineers belonging to the Hertz Team Jota, (Y/N) stood with a confident expression on her face as she oversaw the final checks on her equipment. (Y/N) was the lead physiotherapist within the team, renowned for her innovative approach to sports medicine. Her methods were a blend of traditional techniques and cutting-edge science, a combination that had earned her respect in the male-dominated field.

Noting down some tactics, the girl was determined to ensure her drivers were in peak physical condition and ready to tackle the gruelling demands of the race.

As she checked her equipment one last time, she noticed Jenson Button, the former Formula 1 champion, making his way towards her. He was surrounded by his entourage, exuding confidence and charisma. (Y/N) couldn't help but feel a twinge of irritation. During one of her physio sessions, a fellow teammate had offhandedly mentioned Jenson's scepticism towards her rather new methods – making her silently feel offended by the fact that the former F1 driver was so quick to judge her work, without ever scheduling a session himself.

"Morning, Button," (Y/N) greeted him with a professional nod. "Morning," Jenson replied, his tone polite but guarded. "I hear you're the chosen miracle worker who's supposed to keep us in one piece for the next 24 hours."(Y/N) raised an eyebrow. "There are certainly no miracles required. All it takes is me doing my best and you trying to follow my advice, and we should get through this without any major issues." She huffed, focus falling back to her notes. Jenson smirked. "Ah, well. We'll see about that. I've been doing this a long time, you know." "I'm aware," (Y/N) replied coolly, not bothering to spare him another glance. "But endurance racing is a different beast. You'll need all the help you can get."

Jenson chuckled, though there was a hint of tension in his eyes. "I guess we'll find out soon enough." With that, he walked away, leaving (Y/N) to her preparations. Despite the clash, (Y/N) couldn’t let his scepticism distract her. The race was about to begin, and she needed to be at the top of her game.

The engines roared to life as the starting signal was given, and the cars took off, speeding down the track. The energy was electric, with fans cheering and cameras flashing. (Y/N) watched the cars disappear around the first bend, her mind already focused on the next 24 hours. This race was a marathon, not a sprint, and she knew that her role was crucial for the entire team.

The physiotherapist’s first patient was Norman Nato, another driver for Hertz Team Jota. He came in for a quick massage and some muscle taping before his stint. “How are you feeling, Norman?” she asked, her hands expertly working on his tight muscles. “A bit nervous, but ready,” he replied, wincing slightly as she applied pressure to a particularly tight spot. “You’ll do great,” she reassured him with a gentle voice. “Just remember to stay hydrated and listen to your body. If you feel any discomfort, let me know immediately.”

Norman nodded, his confidence bolstered by her calm demeanour. He quickly thanked her before being ushered back to the front of the garage. As he left to take his position, (Y/N) couldn’t help but let her eyes wander through the garage, when suddenly her ears picked up the familiar tone of Jenson's voice. “You really think a massage and some tape will do wonders for you?” the blonde’s tone wasn’t mocking rather amused, yet still annoying enough to earn an eye-roll from (Y/N) as she overheard the two drivers conversing.

Stretching her arms above her head, the woman let herself fall back into her chair, propping her legs up on a crate, as her eyes wandered to the screens displaying the Hertz Jota drivers’ vitals. “I gotta admit,” oh no, there he was again “a good old massage and a roll of tape- you’re TRULY revolutionising your field.” the sarcastic voice which previously had been at a safe distance, now was too close to her for comfort. Sighing, (Y/N) glanced up, finding Jenson leaning against the wall beside where she was sitting in her chair. “Just because my methods are rather modern, doesn’t mean I completely abandon the fundamental basics of my occupation.”

“Mhm.” the former champion hummed, arms crossed above his chest as he turned his head to look down at her. “Then I really don’t get what the fuzz is about.” His lips moved into a nonchalant pout, as he shrugged and kicked off the wall. “ Now,I’m even more certain that I am completely fine to manage without your ancient magic.” His eyes held a mischievous glint, as he glanced back at her before leaving the medical area. “God, I hope you don’t drive as unserious as you behave!” (Y/N) called after him. The rather unprofessional outburst earning her a few glances and the occasional chuckle from her fellow team mates.

Hours passed, and the race took its toll. The drivers rotated in and out of the cars, each stint pushing their physical and mental limits. (Y/N) was constantly on her feet, treating cramps, managing hydration, and applying her blend of traditional and advanced physiotherapy techniques to keep the drivers in top shape. In between treating several members of the team, (Y/N) couldn’t help but glance towards the monitor showing Jenson’s car. He was performing well, his experience evident in his smooth handling and strategic maneuvers.

Jenson’s first break came after a particularly grueling stint. Squinting at the bright lights withing the garage, he walked into the medical bay, his body language a mix of exhaustion and frustration. “Y/N,” he said, dropping into a chair. “I hate to admit it, but I think I could use some of that magic of yours.”

The physiotherapist who had previously stretching her aching muscles, stopped in her tracks and put her hands on her hips. "Oh, so now the great Jenson Button suddenly believes in my 'ancient magic'?" she replied, a hint of annoyance and sarcasm in her voice. Jenson gave her a rather tired smile in return. "I appreciate the flattery. Let's just say I'm open to trying new things." With a sigh, (Y/N) approached him, her demeanor professional but her irritation still simmering underneath her skin. "Alright, sit tight and let's get you sorted."

Jenson settled into the chair, stretching out his legs as he tried to hide the full extent of his exhaustion. Rounding the chair, (Y/N) began working on his muscles, the tension between them was almost palpable.

"You don't have to look so annoyed," Jenson muttered, wincing as she applied pressure to a particularly sore spot. "I'm not annoyed," (Y/N) replied, her tone clipped. "I'm just focused." "Right," Jenson said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "Because you're always this charming." (Y/N) paused for a moment, her hands still on his shoulders. "Look, Jenson, I don't know what your problem is with me, but I don't have time for this right now. It’s who knows how late at night and I have a job to do, as do you." The driver sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I don't have a problem with you. I just... I don't know. Maybe I underestimated you." "Maybe?" (Y/N) arched an eyebrow at the man’s words, resuming her work. "You're a real piece of work, Button." "Yeah, I've been told that before," he admitted, a hint of a smile playing on his lips.

As the minutes ticked by, the silence between the pair grew more comfortable. (Y/N)'s hands moved expertly over his muscles, and Jenson found himself closing his eyes in relaxation despite his initial irritation.

"You're good at this," he said quietly, almost as if it pained him to admit it.

(Y/N) didn't look up. "I know." Jenson chuckled softly. "Confidence is key, I guess." "Confidence and skill," she corrected, finally meeting his gaze. "Which, believe it or not, I have plenty of." Jenson stared at her for a moment, a flicker of something in his eyes that she couldn't quite place. "I believe it," he said finally, his voice softer than she'd heard it before. "I guess I've been too quick to judge."

(Y/N)'s hands paused for a moment before resuming their work. "Apology accepted, but you're going to have to do more than just talk to prove it." He nodded, eyes darting back to the front of the garage, a determined look crossing his face. "Fair enough."

The hours of the night ticked by, the demanding weather testing everyone’s endurance. (Y/N) was a whirlwind of efficiency, moving between drivers, ensuring they were in the best possible condition to tackle their next stint. She had little time to dwell on Jenson, though she couldn’t deny a newfound respect (or was it even fondness?) for him as she watched him on the track.

During one of his breaks, Jenson found himself sitting next to the female physiotherapist yet again. "How's it going?" he asked, his tone more genuine than before. The woman shrugged, exhaustion starting to creep into her voice. "Busy. But we’re holding up."

He gave her a once-over, noticing how she kept flexing her hands and rubbing her shoulders. "You should take a break too, you know." (Y/N) scoffed. "I’m afraid the only break I’ll take , is when the race is over." Jenson shook his head, a small smile tugging at his lips. "Stubborn." "Takes one to know one," she shot back, but there was no malice in her voice.

As the night wore on, the grueling nature of the race became evident. Drivers, engineers, mechanics and several other crew members came and went, each stint pushing their physical and mental limits. Leading (Y/N)’s hands to seemingly never stop their movement, her mind laser-focused on her job.

Jenson’s final break came as the morning faded into noon. He was exhausted, every muscle in his body screaming for relief. His mind was set on autopilot to the medical area. Upon seeing him making his way over to her, (Y/N) wordlessly guided him to the chair with a gentle touch.

"Alright, Button.” she almost clapped her hands, but refrained from doing so upon remembering that some of the crew members were napping in the garage. “Let’s see what we can do," she exclaimed, her tone almost teasing.

Jenson, who was by now slumped in the chair, let out a tired laugh. "Do your worst."

The girl chuckled amused , as she stood behind him, starting to work on his neck. The former Formula 1 champion closed his eyes and let out a low satisfied hum upon feeling some of the tension leave his muscles."You know," he said, voice low,as he tilted his head to give her better access. "I never really gave you a chance. And I regret that."

Keeping her eyes trained on the movement of her fingers, she hummed. "You’re not the first one to underestimate me. But you actually might be the first to apologize."

Jenson sighed, one of his hands dragging over his face as his voice took on a sincere tone. "I mean it, (Y/N)." She paused, her hands moving from his neck to his shoulders, giving them an appreciative squeeze. "I appreciate that, Jenson. And I’ll hold you to it." He nodded, craning his neck to look up at her, a small smile playing on his lips. "Deal."

The race continued, the track conditions continiously deteriorating as the final hours ticked away. Jenson’s last stint was slowly coming to an end and (Y/N) almost felt annoyed with herself, as she caught her eyes once again wandering to the monitors in order to watch over Jenson’s vitals, as he navigated the treacherous course.

When afternoon arrived and both Hertz cars came into the pit, after successfully finishing the race, (Y/N) joined the rest of the team in gratulating the drivers outside of the garage. Despide the crash during hyperpole, Hertz Team Jota had managed to secure points by making an incredible comeback. The celebrations were loud and joyous. The happiness of her teammates infectious. She found herself surrounded by the jubilant crowd, laughter and cheers filling the air, as the adrenaline slowly started to vanish from the grounds of Le Mans.

As she was making rounds congratulating the other drivers, she spotted Jenson making his way towards her, his eyes sparkling with a mix of exhaustion and triumph, lips pulled into a satisfied grin and his hair an absolute mess.

"You did it," she cheered, her voice carrying a mix of pride and relief.

"We did it," Jenson corrected, stopping in front of her. "You were right. I needed all the help I could get." (Y/N) felt a smirk forming on her lips,as her eyes met his. "I'm glad you finally realized that. All it took was a 24 hour race to humble you." Jenson chuckled, his right hand resting above his heart as he looked down at her. "I have to admit, your methods truly worked wonders. I still feel like I owe you an apology for doubting you."

Upon hearing his genuine words,(Y/N) just waved a hand dismissively. "Let's just call it a learning experience." He nodded, his expression turning serious as he softly took hold of her arm. "I mean it, though. You kept me in top shape, and I appreciate it more than I can say."

"You're welcome, Jenson," she replied, her tone softening. "I'm just doing my job."

"Still," he insisted, "you went above and beyond. How about I make it up to you? Dinner, maybe?"

(Y/N) blinked, surprised by the offer. "Dinner?" "Yeah," Jenson said, a hopeful, almost sheepish, smile on his lips. "A chance to start over and get to know each other without all the bickering."

"Alright. Dinner it is." she accepted his offer, excited to explore where that new understanding, which had formed between the two, would take them.

[lwillowlthewicked]

TS3 Double Bed #1 by Nelu AKA lwillowlthewicked

New Custom Mesh

2,940 Polygons (Highest LOD)

No Presets

Custom LODs

Compressed

Download Here (MediaFire)

TSRW sent me an error while I was trying to save the file with the presets and would not let me export the file. I couldn't be bothered to do it over again so there are no presets, sorry.

Don't know if anyone would actually be interested in doing anything with it, especially since I only made a multiplier, but do what you want with it, as per EA's TOS. Just be sure to give credit and DO NOT PUT BEHIND A PAYWALL, thanks.

This is my first mesh ever and the first time I've worked with functional objects so it's not perfect, but I hope you guys like it! I've tested it and it functions as it should, but let me know if you run into any issues.

[unabashegirl]

Vicious 13 — mafia hs

After his father's death, Harry Styles must take control of the family mafia while dealing with his unpredictable brother, Silas. He meets Y/N Castellano, the daughter of an Italian mafia boss, and learns about their arranged marriage.

Author's note: Hello everyone, I hope you are all doing well. Please enjoy tonights new chapter. Let me know what you think. This is one of my favorite episodes!

warnings: cursing and violence

--> vicious masterlist <--

After dressing herself, Y/N sat back in the same position as before, running her fingers through her hair as she tried to compose herself. The last thing she wanted was for the rest of Harry's men to know what had transpired behind closed doors.

Harry opened the door for the men, and Y/N remained still, her gaze fixed on the floor. She didn't want to meet anyone's eyes, especially not with the guilt and desire still swirling within her.

The men entered the room, their expressions a mix of curiosity and amusement. Y/N could feel their eyes on her, their silent questions hanging in the air. She resisted the urge to shrink under their scrutiny, instead focusing on keeping her composure.

Harry, ever the composed leader, cleared his throat and addressed the men. "Alright," he said, his voice steady and commanding. Liam and Jack walked nervously walked into the room.

They had gotten wind that the boss was looking for them, and a sense of unease settled over Liam and Jack. They exchanged worried glances, their minds racing with possibilities of what this meeting could be about. Liam furrowed his brow, trying to recall their recent interactions with Harry. He scanned his memory, searching for any hints of a missed task or an error in judgment, but nothing significant surfaced.

Jack, typically composed, found himself fidgeting nervously. He raked his mind for any recent slip-ups, any instance where they might have fallen short of expectations. The weight of uncertainty hung heavy in the air as they made their way to the meeting room, each step feeling heavier than the last.

Y/N couldn't help but feel a pang of disappointment at the sudden return to reality. She knew that what had happened between her and Harry was a fleeting moment, a forbidden indulgence that couldn't be repeated.

As the men filed out of the room, Y/N took a deep breath, steeling herself for the rest of the evening. She knew she had to put on a facade of normalcy, to act as though nothing had happened.

But deep down, she couldn't shake the memory of Harry's touch, the way he had made her feel alive and desired.

"What's happening?" Jack cut through the tension, his voice sharp with unease.

"Boss," Charlie began, prompting both men to focus on him.

"Yeah, what is it?" Liam pressed, his apprehension evident in his tone.

"What's the matter, boss?" Charlie clarified, his expression serious. "This isn't just a casual chat with a friend.”

Jack and Liam exchanged a glance, their silence a wall against the probing questions.

"Two weeks back, a shipment came through. How much of it?" Harry's interrogation cut through the air, his gaze sharp and unyielding. He had received a call days ago, tipping him off about internal issues within the club. The voice on the other end of the line remained steadfastly anonymous, even after Harry offered incentives and the promise of a personal meeting. "I won't ask again," Harry's voice was firm, cutting through the air like a blade.

Jack shifted uncomfortably in his seat, exchanging a quick glance with Liam. They both knew what Harry was referring to, but neither wanted to be the first to speak up.

"It was... uh, about 20 kilos," Liam finally admitted, his voice barely above a whisper.

Harry's eyes narrowed, his jaw tightening at the admission. "And where did that shipment go?"

"It... it went out the back, to the usual buyers," Jack stammered, his eyes darting around the room nervously.

"The usual buyers?" Harry's tone was incredulous. "Do I look like I'm in the mood for games? If there were 20 kilos why were only 10 delivered?” Someone had stolen from him and from his buyers. It had made him loose money. “Liam”.

The weight of Harry's words hung heavy in the room, the gravity of the situation sinking in for Jack and Liam. They exchanged nervous glances, realizing the severity of their mistake.

"I... I don't know, boss," Liam stammered, his eyes darting around the room as if searching for an escape. "We... we thought... we thought the shipment was all there."

"Half of it is missing. Who did you sell it to?" Harry's voice was dangerously low and dry, his patience wearing thin. He knew what they had done, he just wanted them to admit it. Then he would reprimand.

"We didn't mean any harm, boss," Liam spoke up, his voice pleading. "We were just trying to make some extra money..."

"Extra money?" Harry's voice rose, his frustration boiling over. "You risked everything for 'extra money'? Who did you sell it to?!" He yelled, nodding at Charlie and Lex.

Charlie and Lex were quick to step between both of the men. Lex's knuckles met with Jack's face, the sound echoing in the room, while Charlie held Liam back.

"Who, Liam?" Harry asked again, his voice deadly calm now, a dangerous glint in his eyes. He knew there was no escaping this now. The truth had to come out, one way or another. "Again," Lex punched him once more, the force of it making Jack stagger. "I find it quite amusing that you think you'll be able to hide it from me," Harry growled, Lex’s grip tightening on Jack's collar.

"Again. Again. Again," Harry repeated, each punch landing hard on Jack's gut and face.

"The Italians! Federico!" Liam finally shouted, his voice desperate.

A cold chill ran down Y/N's spine at the mention of her father's name. She wasn't surprised that Federico had something to do with it. She just hoped that he wouldn't meddle with Harry until after they were married. The thought of her father's interference made her stomach churn with unease.

Harry's eyes darkened at the revelation. He released a heavy sigh, his mind already calculating the consequences of Federico's betrayal. "You sold it to Federico?" Harry's voice was low, a dangerous edge to it that made the air in the room tense.

Jack nodded frantically, his face contorted in fear. "Yes, yes, He offered us a good deal, we needed the money...”

Harry's jaw clenched as he listened to Jack's excuses. He knew Federico's game well—using his daughter's captor to undermine his business rival. It was a power play, and Harry was not going to let it slide.

"How are you going to make this right?" Harry's voice was low, the cigarette dangling from his fingers as he studied the two men before him.

"We'll do whatever it takes, boss," Liam said, his voice quivering slightly.

Harry took a step closer to Jack, his eyes narrowing. "You think money will fix this?" he asked, his tone dripping with disdain.

Jack swallowed hard, his hands shaking as he tried to compose himself. "We'll pay you back, boss. Every last penny," he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

Harry's gaze flickered to the blood on Jack's face, and he reached out to grasp his arm, pulling him to his feet. "Clean yourself up," Harry said, his voice firm. He pulled a tissue from his pocket and handed it to Jack.

Harry stood behind Jack in silence, the weight of the situation heavy in the air. Jack's heart pounded in his chest as he walked, his mind racing with fear and uncertainty.

It wasn't until Jack felt the cold, unforgiving metal of Harry's gun pressed against his temple that he realized the gravity of his mistake. The world seemed to slow down as panic gripped him, and he opened his mouth to plead for mercy.

But before he could utter a single word, the gun went off with a deafening bang. Jack felt a searing pain as the bullet tore through his skull, and in an instant, his world erupted into chaos.

Blood sprayed everywhere, painting the walls and floor in a gruesome display. Liam, who stood frozen beside Jack, was drenched in the warm, sticky fluid, his eyes wide with horror and shock.

Harry's expression remained cold and unyielding as he lowered the smoking gun, his eyes fixed on the lifeless body of his former associate. The room was filled with an eerie silence, broken only by the sound of ragged breaths and the drip, drip, drip of blood.

For a moment, no one moved. The weight of what had just happened hung heavy in the air, suffocating them all with its brutality.

Then, with a grim determination, Harry turned to Liam, his gaze piercing and unyielding. "You have one week," he said, his voice cutting through the silence like a knife. "One week to make this right, or you'll end up like him."

Liam could only nod weakly, his body trembling with fear and shock. He knew that Harry was not a man to be trifled with, and the consequences of failure were too terrible to imagine.

As Harry turned away, the reality of the situation crashed down on Liam like a ton of bricks. He was alone now, left to clean up the mess and make amends for the grave mistake that had cost Jack his life.

With a heavy heart and a mind filled with dread, Liam knew that the next week would be the longest and most terrifying of his life. And as he stared down at the lifeless body of his former partner, he couldn't shake the feeling that his own fate hung in the balance.

"Get them out of here," Harry ordered, his voice cutting through the room like a blade.

Lex and Charlie wasted no time in wrapping Jack’s body and dragging him out of the room, their protests muffled by the sound of the door slamming shut.

Y/N watched in silence, her heart racing with a mix of fear and anticipation. She knew Harry's wrath was not to be taken lightly, especially when it came to betrayal. She could only hope that her father's actions wouldn't jeopardize everything they had been building.

Harry's swift and cold-blooded execution of Jack served as a brutal wake-up call for Y/N. It was like a bucket of ice water thrown over her, jolting her back to the harsh reality of their situation. In that moment, she saw Harry for who he truly was—a man capable of taking a life without a hint of regret or remorse.

The man who had touched her moments ago, who had ignited a fire of desire within her, was now a distant memory. In his place stood a ruthless and unyielding figure, a man of steel and stone.

Y/N couldn't tear her eyes away from the scene before her—the bloodied corpse of Jack lying on the ground, the unmistakable scent of gunpowder lingering in the air. It was a stark reminder of the dangerous world she had been thrust into, a world where lives were disposable and loyalty came at a deadly price.

She felt a shiver run down her spine as she watched Harry, his expression unreadable as he calmly holstered his gun. There was no flicker of emotion in his eyes, no sign of the man who had held her moments ago with such passion.

In that moment, Y/N knew that she was nothing more than a pawn in Harry's game. She was a piece to be moved and manipulated at his whim, a tool to be used for his own gain.

The realization was a bitter pill to swallow, and it filled her with a sense of dread and unease. She had been drawn to Harry, seduced by his charm and charisma. But now, she saw him for what he truly was—a dangerous man with blood on his hands.

As the weight of the situation settled over her, Y/N felt a surge of fear and uncertainty. She knew that she was in too deep, entangled in a web of danger and deceit from which there was no easy escape.

With a heavy heart and a mind filled with trepidation, Y/N realized that she was now truly alone. In this world of shadows and secrets, she could trust no one—not even the man who had once held her in his arms and whispered promises of passion.

Harry's cold gaze met hers, and for a fleeting moment, Y/N saw a glimmer of something in his eyes—a spark of something dark and dangerous. It sent a shiver of fear down her spine, and she knew that she was treading on dangerous ground.

In that moment, Y/N made a silent vow to herself. She would survive this, no matter the cost. She would play the game, dance the dance of shadows and deceit, all while keeping her true intentions hidden deep within her heart.

As the room fell into an uneasy silence, Harry turned his gaze to Y/N. His eyes softened slightly as he approached her, the intensity of his earlier anger now replaced with a more calculating look.

"We have a problem," Harry said, his voice low as he stood in front of her. "And we need to deal with it before it gets out of hand."

Y/N swallowed hard, her eyes meeting his with a mix of apprehension and determination. "What do you need me to do?" she asked, steeling herself for whatever was to come.

Harry's lips quirked into a small smirk, a hint of admiration in his eyes. "I need you to make a call," he said, his voice a low murmur. "To your dear father."

Y/N's heart raced as the car pulled up to the elegant restaurant where she had agreed to meet her father. The familiar knot of anxiety tightened in her stomach, and she took a deep breath, trying to steady her nerves.

The valet opened the car door, and she stepped out, her eyes scanning the elegant facade of the restaurant. It was a place of polished wood and gleaming glass, with soft lighting that cast a warm glow over the entrance.

As she made her way inside, the soft murmur of conversation and the clink of silverware filled the air. The restaurant was bustling with the chatter of diners, the aroma of delicious food wafting through the air.

Y/N felt a wave of apprehension wash over her as she scanned the crowded room, searching for her father's familiar face. She spotted him at a corner table, his expression unreadable as he watched her approach.

"Y/N," he greeted her with a nod, his voice cool and controlled.

"Father," she replied, her voice barely above a whisper.

They sat in silence for a moment, the tension between them palpable. Y/N felt the weight of her father's gaze on her, scrutinizing her every move.

"I trust you've been well," her father finally spoke, his tone casual, but there was an underlying edge to his words.

"Yes," Y/N replied, her voice steady despite the nerves churning inside her.

"Good," he said, his gaze lingering on her face. "I've heard some... unsettling rumors recently."

Y/N's heart skipped a beat, her mind racing with possibilities. She had to tread carefully, choosing her words with caution.

"I'm not sure what you're referring to, Father," she replied, her voice carefully neutral.

Her father leaned back in his chair, studying her with a calculating gaze. "You know as well as I do the importance of loyalty, Y/N," he said, his voice low and dangerous.

Y/N felt a surge of fear grip her heart, knowing the implications of her father's words. Loyalty was everything in their world, and any hint of betrayal was met with swift and merciless consequences.

"I am loyal, Father," she said, her voice trembling slightly despite her best efforts to appear composed. “I just have to gain his trust”.

"I've heard that you've been opening your legs to him," he sneered, his voice dripping with disdain. "I wasn't surprised. You are just like your mother."

Y/N felt a surge of anger and humiliation rise within her, but she bit down hard on her tongue, refusing to give him the satisfaction of a reaction. She hated when he spoke about her mother, using her as a weapon to wound her.

"Is that what you've come here to discuss, Father?" she asked, her voice steady despite the turmoil inside her.

Her father leaned back in his chair, a cold smile playing on his lips. "Oh, there are many things we could discuss, my dear," he said, his eyes glinting with malice. "But let's start with your... indiscretions."

Y/N clenched her jaw, her fists tight at her sides. She knew she had to tread carefully, to keep her emotions in check.

"I assure you, Father, my personal life is of no concern to you," she replied, her voice tinged with steel.

"Isn't it?" her father replied, his voice low and dangerous. "You seem to forget where your loyalties lie, Y/N. You are a Castellano, and you will behave as such."

Y/N felt a surge of defiance rise within her, pushing back against her father's demands. "I am loyal to the family, Father," she said, her voice unwavering. "But I will not be treated as a pawn in your games."

Her father's eyes flashed with anger, his jaw clenched tightly. "You will do as you're told, Y/N," he said, his voice a low growl. "Or there will be consequences."

Y/N met his gaze, her chin lifted defiantly. "I will not be controlled, Father," she said, her voice firm. "I will make my own choices, regardless of the consequences."

--> chapter 14

[mrsshabana]

I HAVE RETURNED!

Kind of...

I got to my new home safely! The 15 hours of driving was hell but I got here and everything's good! The only issue is I don't have any of my furniture yet. The movers were supposed to be here Friday but I guess they're running late. All I have is my laptop, blow-up mattress, my Gyutaros, and my snake.

So yeah I don't have my desk or chairs or anything like that. But once I get my furniture I will start writing again as usual.

ALSO I think I will open pre-orders for body pillows. I plan on only making the 50x150cm nsfw ones. But if there is a different one you really really want please let me know and I'll make them if there's enough demand.

The only issue is I can't open my Etsy again because I technically don't have an address. My new apartment complex is so new that the mailboxes aren't set up yet so when I try to change my address I get an error saying the address doesn't exist. SO I think I will just get a PO box and use that instead. Whenever I get the chance to that is... so yeah, I'll try to get that set up asap!

I just wanted to update y'all and let you know I got here safe and sound! ( ˘͈ ᵕ ˘͈♡)˚

[olomaya]

Sludge Be Gone! Toddler Food and Snacks

2-Sep Update: Thank you @jeebeehey for the French translation. Please redownload if you'd like them.

25 July update:

Fixed an issue where the Trail Mix was resetting Sims. One of its components got lost when I was merging all the objects together so it kept giving an error when trying to pull it up. It should now not happen for either the high chair or the activity table. Redownload both the MAIN and the merged Objects file

24 July update: Thanks to @simdreams and @zanynka for the Brazilian Portuguese and Czech translations! You can redownload at the links below.

(Update: I forgot to include one of the files in the Objects file. It's just a little piece of food that toddlers pick up when eating snacks. If you downloaded both files already, you don't need to redownload anything, just download the file and add to your game.) (Just download the updated Objects file)

They literally call the baby food "sludge" in the game files. EA really did TS3 toddlers dirty.

This was actually originally part of my Quickie Food and Snacks mod and I abandoned it (this seems to be a theme with me). But then I came back to it after TS4 Growing Together came out. I still haven't played that game but I know there's a preference/taste system in the game for baby food, which is really cool!

So this mod adds two interactions to the high chair to feed toddlers meals or snacks. There are 11 meals and 5 snacks. Similar to Growing Together, toddlers will love, like or hate certain foods. This preference is based on their favorite food (see more after the cut).

The foods work somewhat similar to recipes in that they require ingredients to be available. However, you only need to have at least 1 ingredient. Whatever ingredients you have will be used for the meal/snack. The icon images will tell you which 3 ingredients are required.

Teens+ can serve toddlers and they will stay and watch to make sure the toddler eats like a good little girl/boy.

There was a second complementary mod to close out this little series that would allow toddlers to eat their foods and snacks on their own on little tables but I probably won't have the time to finish testing it before I go on my summer holidays so I'll release it sometime end of next month when I'm back.

Credit/thanks: The food tray and bowl is from @aroundthesims. All other assets are from EA (TS3 and TS4). Icons are from Freepik.

Download HERE / Alternative: SFS

Enjoy! I'll be totally offline starting 1 July for about 2 weeks so do let me know before then if you run into any issues!

More info and details on features after the cut

Meal/Snack recipes: Each meal or snack requires 1-3 ingredients (either in your fridge or personal inventory) to be available. Again, you only NEED 1 of 3. Some of the ingredients are from the Store or cc (Icemunmun's Baker's Basket or Hot Chili) but if you don't have it, the game will just ignore it. If you have none, it won't be available.

Food categories/preferences: Preferences are based on the toddler's favorite food and along 4 categories: Sweet, Savory, Veggie and Cheese. So based on what their favorite food is, you can tell what their food preference category is. If you change the toddler's favorite food after playing with the mod, it will adjust to their new tastes BUT will keep whatever food they liked or hated before.

Category Preferences:

Sweet hates Veggie

Veggie hates Sweet AND Savory

Savory hates Sweet

Cheese is chill and can give or take anything

Here is the detailed breakdown below (if you want to be surprised and figure it out for yourself in the game, you can stop reading here):

SW - Sweet, SV - Savory, VG - Veggie, CH - Cheese Store - TS3 Store BB - Icemunmun’s Baker’s Basket HC - Icemunmun’s Hot Chili

Snacks: Trail Mix (SW) - Banana, Walnut (BB), Pecan (Store) Cheese Crackers (CH) - Cheese Apple Slices w. Almond Butter (SW, CH) - Apple, Cheese, Almond (BB) Cucumber Tuna Bites (SV) - Cucumber (Store), Tuna, Tomato Pita Chips w. Carrot Hummus (VG) - Chickpea (HC), Carrot, Lemon

Meals: Chickpea Salad (VG) - Chickpea (HC), Carrot, Watermelon PBJ Sandwich (SW) - Strawberry (Store), Almond (BB)  Pancakes and Sausage (SW) - Any fruit, Sausage links Chicken Nuggets (SV) - Chicken, Carrot, Blueberry (Store) Fishsticks (SV) - Any fish, Potato, Carrot  Meatballs w. Yogurt Sauce (SV) - Patty, Cucumber (Store), Tomato Mushroom Omelet (VG) - Egg, White Cap mushroom, Onion Fried Plantains (SW) - Banana (I considered making a custom plantain ingredient but too lazy), Tomato, Onion Falafel w. Yogurt Sauce (VG) - Chickpea (HC), Cucumber (Store), Tomato Cheese Ravioli (CH) - Cheese, Tomato, Strawberry (Store) Mac and Cheese (CH) - Cheese

So for example, the toddler in the photos, Duncan. His favorite food is Fried Peanut Butter Banana Sandwich (oh, America) which is in the Sweet category. So I know he will eat any of the sweet category foods. He tossed the mushroom omelet when I served it to him but he likes mac and cheese.

@kpccfinds @pis3update @s3cc-finds